#so i hate that my online presence is always something like this

[dronningreid]

Between the bitter reality and a sweet ending.

After Reid's visit to his mother and his conversation with Cat Adams, you notice how what seemed to be the best news of their lives receives a reality check.

Between letters: Part 1 (it is not necessary read the first part to understand this, but I recommend it)

who? Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

category: angst/fluff

warnings: pregnant reader, reid is again pessimistic, overthinking (poor thing) and isolates himself, mentions of alzheimer's and schizophrenia, mention of cat adams 💀 english is not my first language and this is a two-part story.

word count: 2.1K

a/n: Thanks to everyone who gave so much love to the first part of this, it really made my horrible days more beautiful. Well, I made this somewhat based on entropy (11x11) and christmas (it's soon!) because that episode always gave me a lot of that vibe. (Spoilers below) But I did this in particular because we talk enough about how Spencer would be the best dad in the UNIVERSE, but where is his fear that his children will have the mental illnesses that he so afraid of? we don't talk about that enough.

It is said that after the storm comes the calm. So what do you do when after the calm comes another storm? Much stronger, more devastating.

"Marry me." After kissing you he got on his knees.

You laughed nervously. "Nooo, yet."

He looked at you with those beautiful puppy eyes. "Please..." Reid leave a kiss on the back of your hand.

You caressed his cheek and he rubbed his face against your palm. "Happiness is what speaks. I don't want you proposing to me five minutes after finding out I'm pregnant with your baby."

"One hour?" You denied. "Two?" You denied again. "One day?" He tilted his head to the side.

"Get up, everyone is looking at us strangely." You insist.

He snort before obeying, he was a good boy. "Fine. But I'm still waiting for an answer, you have two options: yes or of course."

"I'm not going to marry you just because i'm pregnant." It hurt you to see his look of disappointment. "And of course I want to marry you, but not like that. I don't want you see this an obligation because it isn't."

"Men of the 19th century think differently." He did a small joke. "But this isn't an obligation for me, still I understand and I will wait... a year?"

"But I want a nice ring or I will say no." You decided to push his buttons a little.

He of course got your joke. "Anything for the mother of my baby." He gave you a kiss on the cheek.

∗⋅✧⋅∗

A couple of months passed, your belly was growing every day even though it still was small. Spencer was always there to praise and pamper you and his baby.

It was a heavenly, beautiful, perfect couple of months, proof that perfection can exist. But there is entropy, things break down, wear out and if they are ordered, sooner or later it return to their natural chaotic state.

You had only been without Spencer for a couple of days but you already missed him so badly, like you needed his presence to breathe easier. Sometimes you hated how much you needed him.

"I want to go with you."

He left his suitcase at the door just to go and leave a sweet kiss on your forehead. "I'm just going to check on my mum, it's better for you and the baby to stay here, safe."

Even when he was gone, you could still feel the sensation of his lips on your forehead. Like the ghost of a kiss...

When Spencer came back home there was something different on him. Something he wasn't telling you.

You were barely able to talk to him, as the team was very busy working on the strategy to end the network of online hitmen that threatened Garcia.

You were with Garcia when Reid came down the stairs, adjusting his tie.

You focus your attention on him. "I don't like you being the bait." Translation: I don't like you look so handsome for another woman, especially if she's a psychopath.

"I'm the closest in age." He explained again.

"I know, but that doesn't make me feel better." You helped him adjust his tie. "Especially if your alibi is wanting to pay to kill your pregnant wife."

He shifted his eyes to the small lump on your belly. "Is this some kind of revenge for me not agreeing to marry you?" You joked.

That didn't go at all the way you wanted, because both of you gained Penelope's attention and he didn't laugh, not even a smile. He just brought his hand to your belly before placing a kiss.

"I don't like my alibi either, but the point is to irritate her." He sounded so terrifyingly serious. Something was definitely wrong and you couldn't rest easy until you figured out what it was.

"Spencer-"

"I have something!" Penelope said as she typed something into the computer.

Reid simply walked past you and paid attention to what Penelope had discovered.

You didn't even hear what your friend had discovered, it was like it was just background noise. Well, all your attention was revolving around a single unknown, there was only one thing you wanted to discover.

∗⋅✧⋅∗

You wish that after dismantling a network of hitmen things would be better, but that was all it was: just a wish.

Everything that happened at Harry & Glenn's Grill and Bar tested your ability to not die of a heart attack. First the bomb, then that Cat Adams pointing a gun at your boyfriend. Luckily the BAU won, but it didn't quite feel like a complete victory, at least not for Reid so it doesn't feel like victory for you either.

It didn't help that Spencer had a mysterious conversation with Cat after he arrested her. If he was already acting weird with everyone (especially you) this new variable did not help your situation.

But at least now you had hope that everything would get better, it was Christmas Eve dinner. Everything was supposed to get better, right?

"Do you think anyone will make turkey? The baby wants turkey."

Reid opened the car door for you. "JJ maybe. Penelope definitely not and Rossi might make his famous pasta."

∗⋅✧⋅∗

The car ride was unpleasantly quiet. Usually you'd enjoy the silence with Spencer, it used to be comfortable. But now, now it was fucking torture.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" You sounded more aggressive than you intended. Bad idea, because he looked away from the road to look at you with a frown.

"Excuse me?" His harsh tone was like a punch. He didn't usually talk to you like that, never.

You laughed nervously, he of course doesn't. "Sorry." You looked at your hands in your lap. You couldn't stand his gaze, it burned.

And this is where he would ask what you meant, using a calmer tone of course. But that didn't happen, he just left you with a lump in your throat and a headache.

The ride continued in silence, a deathly silence.

At least when you got to the Rossi house, sorry, Rossi mansion you were able to relax a little with the girls. Although there was definitely still that little thorn that didn't leave you in peace and it was called: what the hell is wrong with Spencer Reid?

It was almost Christmas, you didn't want things with him to be like this, complicated.

After going down the stairs you returned to the dining room where the others were. "Hey guys, has anyone seen Spence?"

Everyone looked at each other, but only one knew the answer. "I saw him go to the back garden." Morgan said.

You just nodded before putting on your coat and walking outside. Immediately a light gust of cold wind brushed your cheek.

You saw him there standing in front of the pool, just thinking. Something common with him, always, but at least before he used to share that throughs with you.

You approached, putting a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "Morgan told me you were here."

"I just needed to get some air." He didn't even bother to look at you, because his gaze was lost in a place you couldn't reach.

Silence soon filled the air between you two, turning what was once warm into something frigid. You meditated on what would be the best thing to say, you searched for magic words that would make him speak. But there was nothing.

"I'm mad at you." That came out before you could stop the words.

At least this time you had his attention, but it hurt to see how his eyes betrayed the pain that his mouth could not express. Still he remained silent, waiting for you to say something more.

"I can forgive you, of course." You rushed to say something that would make the guilt in your chest go far away. "But it hurt how you first told a criminal what's happening with your mother. I guess that's what's been bothering you these days, but if there's anything else, Spencer, I need you to tell me."

He ran a hand over his face before sighing in frustration. "It's not like I told her because I wanted to." he said defensively.

"I know, I know or maybe you did because you needed to vent and tell someone. But I would have preferred that person to be me..." Your voice broke.

He was starting to feel like the biggest idiot in the world. Spencer immediately sought comfort in your hand and you didn't stop him.

"I hate it when you walk away and retreat into yourself, like you're the only person you can trust. And I say, I understand that you do that with others, but with me?" Every word that came out of your mouth began to weigh on his chest.

"I know I can trust you, but it's hard to just stop doing something I've been doing all my life." He brushed the back of your hand with his thumb.

You looked at his hand. "At least try..." You hated that that sounded like a plea. "Maybe if we share the load, it will be easier for you."

He nodded and took a deep breath, but it took him a few more minutes to speak again. "It's no secret that I'm afraid..." He took another deep breath and you gave his hand a gentle squeeze to encourage him to continue. "I'm afraid I might have schizophrenia like my mother, and when I turned thirty I thought I'd dodged a bullet. But now dementia and alzheimer's are on the list."

You stayed silent, waiting for him to continue telling you what had been hurting him lately.

"Anyway, if it's only about me I can live with that." It wasn't like that, it obviously affected him more than he wanted to admit. But then his gaze fell on your belly. "But I can't live with the idea that I've been selfish for so long...

You frowned. “Selfish?”

"Yes. Because I have wanted children for a long time without thinking that they could be like my mother or like me..." His voice broke. "And now it's too late, because I've already ruined everything, I've already got you pregnant and this baby could have schizophrenia, dementia, Alzheimer's or all three." Breathing began to become difficult. "And I feel like the worst father and boyfriend in the world, because it would only be my fault if the baby is like that and you would have to pay the price for my mistakes."

"Enough, enough." You placed your hands on either side of his face. "We don't even know if it will happen and even if it did, this is not your fault, Spencer."

He placed his hands on your wrists, holding you there. "And who is the blame?" That bad habit of always wanting to find someone to blame.

You forced yourself to shut your mouth, you didn't have an answer for that.

"I don't know..." The guilt in his eyes was hard to see. "I just know it's not your fault. And it's done, the baby could be like you, like your mother or like me and all those things are okay, because I know that I will love it no matter what and I know you'll love it too." You brushed his cheekbones with your thumbs.

"But I don't want the baby to hate me if it inherited some of that, its life will be difficult and I don't want that..." He whispered.

"The baby won't hate you for it and me neither." You gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose.

"You say that now." He swallowed. "But in a couple of years we may not have much time left and I won't be able to recognize you, the love of my life. I will not remember that I love you and then you will hate me." How could he say such beautiful words like the love of my life, I love you and still say the most devastating thing in the world?

"But that may not happen." You preferred to remain optimistic.

"But the odds-" Then you put a finger on his lips, you rarely wished he would shut up.

"I don't care about the odds, even if in a couple of years you don't know who I am, I will know who you are. And no mental illness in the world can ever change how much I love you." You continued to caress his cheek and that, combined with your words, made him feel calmer. "I will stay, until the end."

He immediately wrapped you tightly in his arms, burying his head in the crook of your neck. "I don't deserve you." He whispered against your skin.

You caressed his hair while your free hand caressed his back. "If you didn't, I wouldn't be here."

Only time would tell if Reid's fears would come true, but one thing was certain: He always have you by his side. That and the daughter you and him had together was enough for have his happy ending.

[liquidorcard]

Okay, to the anon who sent me the breakdown of what happened to Liquid Lily:

Thank you for the write up. I do appreciate you filling me in. But I'm going to use this as a chance to address the ground rules of how we address Courtney going forwards on this blog.

Let me be perfectly clear here:

Courtney's behavior as of late has been very upsetting. To me, to many of you, yes. I have very much privately expressed my own thoughts, feelings and frustrations on the matter in more private settings. There's no sneaky shade here, everything I've said I'd be more than willing to say to her face. I'll send her screenshots myself of everything I've said if she so requests it. I'm not here to gossip and bitch and not stand by it when confronted.

And Courtney on the off chance you're reading this, on the off chance you give a shit what I think of you and want to hash it out, my DMs are still as open to you as they have ever been. I'm not going to be brow-beaten because you don't agree with my perspective on things, I'm not interested in a pointless back and forth, but any concern you have with my presence in this cursed space I am always willing to hear you out on. The offer will always be there if you want me to signal boost something you want out there, of what little I can. It doesn't have to be a whole thing.

I'm also not going to wag my finger and tisk tisk on anyone else sharing their thoughts on Courtney's behavior. Nor do I want anyone to think I'm implying Courtney deserves to be coddled and babied because she's too fragile to handle people criticizing her.

With all that said. . .

Courtney will remain a no-poop-touching subject here on this blog. Obviously, she exists, bring her up when relevant, but we are going to refrain from name-calling and casting judgment. We are not making jokes now at Courtney's expense. We are not psychoanalizing her, speculating, making a circus side show. I will bring her up or respond to asks aboit her if I feel it's appropriate, relevant, or necessary.

Here's the thing gents:

Courtney and I have had some very similar life experiences. I'm not going to pretend to know her whole truth or suggest I'm an authority on her because of that, but. I know for me, having gone through what I did didn't help me become the most pleasant person on God's green earth either.

I never intended to hurt anyone, but I did. I have. I am very aware I have the capacity to do so again if I don't keep myself in check. I take full responsibility for the ways I have absolutely set bonds with friends, family and lovers on fire before. I hate it, I feel the full weight of that guilt to this day, but it's better to accept it and do what I have to to be better than pretend I'm a Saint. I've been told by people in flesh space and online how much they appreciate how "level-headed" I am. There isn't any kind of trickery afoot, I learned the hard way one too many times the cost of me not managing myself appropriately. I've put in the work to learn, and even then it's not like there's zero chance I won't eat shit and have a public meltdown caught in 4k. I hope that doesn't happen, lord knows I'm doing what I can to mitigate that risk-- but if it does all I can do is take the L and try to do what I can to fix it. I'm always hopeful the people in my life will forgive me-- and I'm thankful most do. But some don't, and I understand why. Some do, but it's better for both of us if we give each other a wide birth. Being a big boy do be like that sometimes.

And to be frank, if my abuser became an internet lolcow you couldn't fucking pay me to engage or come forwards. All of Lily's known victims are much braver than me. There's always going to be this extremely isolating disconnect when it comes to passive observers engaging with your abusers shitty behavior and you. The deep, crippling, profound panic and imminent sense of heightened danger is never going to feel the same. You might as well be on a different fucking planet, no matter how empathetic or accommodating they are. I can all but 100% garentee the histrionic way I'd be acting wouldn't paint me in a flattering light either.

I've heard some concerning information on some of the things that might be going on in Courtney's life right now. I trust the source it came from but have no way to verify if it's true. If Courtney publically confirms it I'll consider adding my two cents, having had lots of experience with what may be going on. Not that it justifies her actions, again, just very much contextualizes it.

I will say, I do think the sentiment of Courtney's frustration is more than valid-- I just think she made a lot of very poor decisions in who she directed those feelings at, then escalated things far beyond reason. I also empathize with her frustration over everyone and their mom telling her to log off because she's having an episode. I can tell you from my experience I would not respond well to anyone but a very close, trusted person in my life telling me that regardless of whether or not it was true. I've also seen plenty of OTHER dickweeds call Courtney "damaged goods" and the like all over the internet so I really don't blame her for shadowboxing ghosts now over it. You know who you are.

Being a victim doesn't make you incapable of harm or absolve you of personal responsibility. Lily's the fucking poster child for that.

The thing is, within reason, I believe in giving people a healthy amount of space to be messy bitches. Glass houses. It's one thing for me to comment on Courtney somewhere where there's little to no chance people will see it without context, it's totally different for me to put it out there in a space anyone can see it without knowing what went down.

Anon, I'm not scolding you, but I'm going to ask you be careful where and how you describe Courtney in the future publically. The last thing she needs is for more people to treat her like her trauma isn't relevant-- and unfortunately people routinely do expect victims to be perfect little angels. I'm not going to risk putting Courtney in the line of fire for that kind of behavior.

Thank you for your understanding.

[koko2unite]

hmm feeling a little upset today again but what's new lol

[arcadia345]

❃Astrology observations❃

Masterlist

Not a real astrologer just my observations:)

❃ Aquarius moon femmes tend to be more masculine/tomboyish whether it be their personality or fashion sense they prefer loose fitting clothes. They have this nonchalantness/offstandish energy about them, they also are very sensitive and receptive to energies around them esp after one on one interactions but surprisingly do very well w online interactions💀they could feel like their personality shines brighter online than irl

❃ 12th ruler in 7th natal partners could have animosity towards you esp if you prefer men they tend to have secret intentions/lives

❃ Sagittarius in your natal chart is where you tell the best stories, and gemini can show where others ask for advice/tell their best stories to you(and lowkey try to impress you)

♐︎ in 1st -you ARE the story, there’s never a dull moment ,so many memories are made w you, many stories where you had to be reminded that your that GIRL/GUY✨ (esp by your guides)

♐︎ in 8th- they articulate their trauma very well, the ones that talk openly about their abuse, lots of near-death stories, surgery stories that they almost didn’t make it out of, thieving stories

♐︎ in 11th- the type to bring their friends into every situation/story, most likely to do the best story time vids online, their stories can be eye opening for the collective, people love when they predict the future, stories about the future/goals of humanity, evolution stories, stories about you gaining independence(just like 1st)

♐︎ in 12th- they love to hear about your dreams and conspiracies, they love when you talk about your insecurities and spill your own secrets, your paranormal experiences and things about past lives

♊︎ in 2nd- they love to tell you how hard they work for their assets, “You know I haven’t told anyone this but I feel like I can trust you.” They don’t mind telling you about their illegal activities, people have a tendency to think you took something from them, they come to you for advice on how to approach situations

♊︎ in 5th- the type to have kids come up to them and all their parents business (4th house also), the best childhood memory stories, people try to impress you w their sex stories , they come to you for advice on sex and love matters also, asking for your opinion w fashion & aesthetics, you make them want to try new things🥵

❃ Taurus in the 3rd/4th find it hard to leave their family/home

Cancer risings (4°16°28°) their face and body fluctuate through life but their faces tend to get rounder/fuller as they age

❃ Sending love out to Venus in Pisces/12th house natals y’all are what fairytales are made of🥺 just being in your presence is healing even tho they feel sometimes their deepness and devotion isn’t reciprocated at times idk who needed to hear this but your loving energy transcends the physical barriers you could do a lot of energy work on the other side w/o even realizing it esp while sleeping🧡

❃ I feel bad for Chloe because w that Gemini mars baby everybody always gonna think you doing too much😭 unti you don’t do enough & they’ll still be mad

Finding out Lil uzi has a Gemini mars sent me💀 it reminds of them vids of their security guard trying to keep up w them while they jump all over the place🕺🏽

❃ Sag moon children mom was in her hoe phase when u were conceived. Partying/traveling/drinking/learning was prominent for her at the time

Venus in natal can show you why others envy you

♀ in 2nd- they envy how consistently you upkeep yourself, they see how much money you put into yourself to look good, they hate how materially abundant you are, how easily you make money from your talents/assets, they envy your sugar daddy/baby energy

♀ in 4th- they envy how abundant your family/ancestry is, they envy your mom/your motherly skills, how easily you make a house feel like home, how rich your inner world is, your decoration sense, how easily you’ll be remembered after passing/leaving home, how easily you make money from home

♀ in 8th- they envy how easily others trust you esp w their money & possessions, how beautifully you shed your skin in transformations, sugarbaby placement, how magnetic you are, how easily people become obsessed w you, your way of love making/showing love/spoiling others or vise versa

♀ in 12th- a lot of people don’t even realize that they envy you/ subconsciously send you evil eye, you provoke their hidden desires(this place def has lots of people in their circle wishing on their downfall) they envy how content you are with yourself /and how you’ve healed yourself , your music taste

I feel like prominent Pisces placements tend to lose their teeth more often than Capricorns, could also have dreams of teeth falling out/rotting

❃ Prominent Virgo in natal stay cleaning up other people’s 💩💀 like literally tho at some point in your life you’ve had to be some type of caretaker ie. animals, elderly, babies. But 💩 is more prominent/consistent in your life

But if ur a pet owner or caretaker in general you know that a lot of times the only way they can communicate what’s going on w their body Is through their bowel movements so it’s a blessing and a curse cuz it’s not like your obsessed with 💩 (unless👀) but you kinda have to be😭

Aphrodite in Gemini/3rd house natals have contagiously attractive laughs/smiles, delicate hand and arm movements, and beautiful hands and lips

❃ Every time I have prominent 8th synastry esp moon/mars we always have 🩸 sex eventually 🧍🏽‍♀️ they be feigning so bad for you that they can’t wait a few more days they need it now! But they always end up saying you put a spell on them like no bro u willingly put a spell on YOURSELF💀

❃ 7th house mercury could attract or prefer younger/pettie people or they are seen as such, also prone to have partners w prominent anxiety

❃ Eros/mars in Aries/cancer/scorpio in composite charts shows lots of crying during sex but for different reasons

Aries cries because ur f*cking/sucking them so good all they can do is take it like a champ and cry happy tears 🥲

Cancer cries because you truly touched their soul🥺 they never thought sex could be this satisfying and comforting at the same time (healing sex like Pisces)

With scorpio it’s kinda a mixture of both w sprinkles of trauma bonding✨

❃ Venus in 8th synastry- adoring eachothers beauty marks esp the house person @ Venus , the house person usually adores the Venus’s insecurities/stuff about themselves that they never picked up on which gives the Venus person a new prospective of their beauty

❃ Mercury synastry can tell you how you were first introduced/heard of each other

☿ in 8th- meeting while/before going through a transformational/traumatic period in your life, you could have problems w people owing you money or vise versa, catalyst for spiritual & sexual growth, meeting before/after having a major surgery

☿ in 9th- meeting through college/highschool,being introduced to/by a different ethnicity friend,meeting while traveling esp abroad, catalyst in spiritual journey, meeting through religious community

☿ in 4th- I have this w my mom while her ☿ is in my 1st so you could also share this w your parents, w cancer and Aries basically representing the womb her PUMPUM told her about me😂obvi she had no other choice but to learn about me I was coming weather she liked it or not😎 so w 1st house synastry I feel like they were kinda forced onto you they’re pretty hard to miss🥴with 4th her aunts/women in her family told her she was gonna have another baby before she even knew🤷🏽‍♀️

❃ Jupiter in 1st synastry -even the most stubborn person would hear planet person out w this placement 😏 Jupiter boost house persons ego/outlook on life, planet person just makes everything look good & exciting in house person eyes

❃ Pluto in 11th natal- unfriending someone could really feel like a divorce lmao telling people your not friends anymore and they react so crazy like “NO I NEVER WOULDVE THOUGHT💔💔💔” then splittng up your assets (friends/aspirations)

❃ Gemini Venus-girl next door vibe people watch through your window esp w some Pluto energy on your Venus, the song ‘She by Tyler the creator’ was made about us fr😭

❃ Taurus (2°14°26°)moons people think that they own you or that you’re some object they can use anytime they want whether it be your body or your possessions

Also having a Taurus moon could play out as feeling like you didn’t get the support that you needed in ur childhood, the type to have moms that say “I put clothes on your back, food on your plate, and a pillow to lay your head and you’re telling me I didn’t do enough for you??😠😤” like sorry I needed emotional support and understanding as a child that you couldn’t give me🥲 the mom could see the child as spoiled/ungrateful esp with harsh aspects on the moon, but they could also just feel like they have a right to your possessions esp if you live in the same house what is privacy?😀

❃ 6th house synastry is big on planning together,the type to count down the days till they get to see e/o 🥰

Now offering aura & synastry readings

That’s it for now, have a blessed day ✨

[meazalykov]

yapper

barca femeni x reader

part one - part two here

summary: you always had something to say

warnings: angst, online hate

you've always been the one to fill the quiet. 

if the locker room was silent, you’d throw out a joke. sometimes so bad it would have everyone laughing just because of how ridiculous it was. your teammates loved you for it—or at least you thought they did. 

you didn’t want anyone to sit in nervous energy before a big game. you wanted everyone to feel at ease, to smile, to believe they could take on anything since this was literally barcelona– of course the best club in the world could handle anything. 

“why are you so loud?” mapi teased one day after you cracked a pun about her tattoos during a media day. 

you grinned at her. 

“because someone has to keep this team awake. what would you do without me? shit, i don’t know how you survived without me for long.”

“probably enjoy the peace and quiet,” she shot back, but the grin on her face told you otherwise. 

you knew mapi got all the credit for being the talker of the group, but you easily topped her in that department. kika often joked that you had a built-in microphone, always on and ready to broadcast. 

yet, despite all the jokes, you never felt like it was too much. not until recently. 

training sessions at barça were something you relished, even on your worst days. being surrounded by alexia, kika, and esmee—your closest friends on the team—always made it feel less like work. 

alexia was like a big sister, always ready to listen. kika was your partner-in-crime, teasing you relentlessly, but never crossing the line. esmee? she was your rock, her quiet presence balanced your constant energy, grounding you in ways you didn’t think anyone could. 

after a long training session one evening, you found yourself alone on the practice pitch. penalties were your weak spot, and you wanted to fix that. you lined up the ball, took a deep breath, and sent it toward the net. it hit the post.

“what are you doing here so late?” alexia’s voice startled you.

you jumped, clutching your chest dramatically. 

“you scared me! i could’ve died.”

she smirked, arms crossed as she walked closer. 

“you didn’t answer my question.”

“what are you doing here?” you tried to deflect.

“i asked first.”

rolling your eyes, you motioned to the ball. 

“penalties. i suck at them.”

alexia raised a brow. 

“you’re not even one of the main takers.”

“exactly! that’s why i suck! i need to be better in case i ever have to take one, you know what if you frido or ewa are not available?” you rambled, launching into an explanation of all the ways penalties terrified you. 

alexia didn’t interrupt, just watched you with that calm, almost maternal expression she always had. 

“you’re overthinking it,” she finally said, cutting through your spiral. 

“just keep practicing. you’ll be fine.”

her reassurance helped more than you wanted to admit. alexia had that effect on people, like she could carry all your worries on her shoulders and not even flinch. 

a few days later, you stopped by esmee’s apartment, where she was curled up on the couch with her girlfriend, dani. the sight of them together tugged at something in your chest, a reminder of what you used to have with emily. 

“finally over her,” you announced as you plopped down beside them, grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl on esmee’s lap. 

“who?” danielle asked, clearly out of the loop. 

“emily,” esmee filled in. “her ex.”

“oh, good for you,” danielle said with a smile through her dutch accent. 

“it’s about time, right?”

you laughed, nodding. 

“yeah, it only took me almost a year.”

however, later that week, you saw something that made your chest tighten all over again. scrolling through instagram, you stumbled upon a photo of emily with another girl, their smiles wide and carefree in north london. 

it shouldn’t have mattered. you were over the woman three years your senior. however, it stung in a way you didn’t expect. 

then came the champions league quarterfinal against bayern munich. the mistake was small—a misplaced pass, a missed mark—but pernille made you pay for it with a screamer that tied the game. 

1-1. 

after the game, you did your best to shake it off, smiling for the cameras, joking with alexia and frido. you thought you’d done well hiding your disappointment. 

the internet didn’t let it slide. 

“y/n talks too much. maybe she should focus on her game instead.”

“doesn’t she get tired of hearing her own voice?”

“the team probably wishes she’d shut up for once.”

the comments were harsh, cruel, and loud in your mind. you tried to brush them off, but the words stuck, clinging to you like thorns. 

the next day at training, you were different. quieter. focused. when kika asked if you were okay, you only nodded, too afraid that anything you said might annoy someone. 

“you sure?” she pressed.

you nodded again, forcing a small smile. 

“weird,” she muttered under her breath, walking away. 

alexia and aitana exchanged glances, both noticing the shift. esmee tried to pull you into a conversation during a water break, but you only offered short replies, your usual energy gone. 

that night in the locker room, after everyone else had left, you stayed behind, the weight of it all finally crashing down on you. in the showers, the tears came hard and fast, your shoulders shaking as you tried to keep quiet. 

though the locker room echoed, and when you emerged, changed and ready to leave, alexia, kika, esmee, and ellie were waiting for you. 

“we heard you crying,” kika said softly, her eyes full of concern. 

“what’s going on?”

you hesitated, swallowing hard. 

“nothing.”

“don’t lie,” alexia said, her voice gentle but firm. 

“i don’t…” you trailed off, taking a deep breath. 

“i don’t want to annoy you guys.”

they all looked at you like you’d grown a second head. 

“annoy us?” esmee asked, incredulous. 

“i talk too much. i saw what people were saying online, and… maybe they’re right.”

“y/n,” alexia started, stepping closer. 

“we love you. all of us. you make this team better, not worse.”

“you think we don’t look forward to hearing your ridiculous jokes every day?” kika added, her tone light but sincere. 

“you’re the reason we laugh half the time.”

“is that mistake against bayern bothering you?” ellie chimed in. “it happens to everyone. it doesn’t define you.”

their words broke through the wall you’d built, and before you knew it, they were pulling you into a group hug. 

“promise us you won’t let those comments get to you again,” alexia said, her hand on your shoulder. 

you nodded, sniffling. 

“i promise.”

“good,” kika said, grinning. 

“now, what were you going to say about the athletic club match?”

and just like that, you found yourself rambling again. they listened, laughing and teasing you like always, reminding you that this was where you belonged. 

part two here

[epnusika]

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- GR13F3R Romantic Headcanons

[ The Player! Reader Edition. ]

Author's Note: There are some spoilers ahead.

——————————————————————————————————

•] After his recovery from getting defeated, GR1EF3R was more than beyond pissed that his Dad is telling him to apologize to you. Sure... He did a lot of bad things and initially sent people to get rid of you but... You had it coming! You were trying to steal the Venomshank from him!

•] Now, he's standing awkwardly in your presence once you have returned to Turitopulis. His Dad was standing behind him, waiting and watching if his son would stick to his words. GR1EF3R'S arms are folded across his chest, trying to look cool under the heavy pressure on his shoulders.

"Y0U'R3 B4CK, PUNK... HMPH, T0OK YOU LONG ENOUGH. I 4LMOST TH0UGHT TH4T YOU GOT M4UL3D BY TH3 BE4STS 1N TH3 JUNGL3. Kind of a shame that you didn't...—" — "BRAD!" — "GAH!"

•] His entire apology was pretty pathetic, it was rather pitiful to watch him struggle to get the words out to apologize to you. If anything, his ego wasn't bruised, no. It felt like it was run over by a bullet train, smacked onto the ground, before it was set on fire with humiliation.

•] But... since Mayor Thaniyel wanted you two to get along, he had left you two alone to spend time with each other. GR1EF3R'S obviously repulsed by it. Why should he spend time with the one who beat the crap out of him? He was right about to leave, most likely to return to the big tree in the jungle, until you suggested that you two go to the arcade. Your treat.

•] The next thing you know, GR1EF3R'S hogging up all the prizes of each claw machine in the arcade, being surprisingly good at it.

•] Originally, he was planning to make you go bankrupt but... the moment you started cheering for him as the claw in the machine latches onto a plushed toy, something inside of him clicked, and he changed his mind. So, instead of you, he made the arcade bankrupt instead.

•] As you two headed out of the arcade, carrying four heavy bags of every prize that you won, GR1EF3R realized something. Something that felt... good. He's finally experiencing the feeling of having a companion. Not in online, but purely in reality.

•] He genuinely feels bad. Even after everything he did... You still managed to put up with him. Perhaps that's the reason why he hates you. He thinks you're too soft. You remind him of his Dad. People like you shouldn't...—Wait. No. What the hell is he thinking? He shouldn't care about stuff like this! Especially after you whooped his ass.

•] He's still pissed about it.

•] Regardless, he was pretty upset when he realized that you were going to leave Turitopulis soon. Right... He almost forgot that you were always up and about, rushing off to another one of your adventures or something...

•] It was like you helped him piece together the fragile parts of his heart, only to crush it with your own foot right after you were finished.

•] ...why did you have to leave when he finally found solace in your presence?

•] When the day of your departure arrived, you were met with a disgruntled GR1EF3R.

"H3Y, PUNK. Y0U GOT A PH0N3, R1GHT? ...HUH? WH4T DO YOU M3AN YOU DON'T H4VE—...? UGH, F1NE. H3RE, H4VE TH1S."

•] The next thing you know, GR1EF3R is handing you a cellular phone. From the looks of it, it looks outdated compared to its present-time counterparts. His old phone, perhaps?

"TSK... WHY D1D I EXP3CT TH4T YOU W0ULDN'T OWN ON3...? Maybe it's because you look broke."

•] Says the one who gave his old phone instead of buying a new one.

•] Going through the old phone though, there was one thing that you realized. GR1EF3R's number is in your contacts.

"L3T ME G3T SOM3TH1NG STR4IGHT... DON'T TH1NK TH4T TH3RE'S SOM3TH1NG GO1NG ON B3TWEEN US. GOT 1T? W1TH THE M4SS1VE Z3R0 IN Y0UR FR13ND'S L1ST? YOU SH0ULD BE GR4T3FUL TH4T I'M GIV1NG Y0U MY NUMB3R IN TH3 F1RST PL4CE. NOW GO. 1'M T1R3D OF LO0K1NG AT YOUR F4CE."

•] Not even ten minutes later after you left, he's asking his Dad about when you're going to come back. Looking over to the prizes that you two won in the arcade... He felt ticked off. All of it reminds him of you, surging a bittersweet feeling in his chest because of the short time you spent together.

•] So... when you arrived at your next destination, your phone was being blown up by messages from GR1EF3R. It was just simple messages like 'Hey, you alive?' or 'Hope the plane didn't crash.' but still. It's kind of amusing how he went from wanting you dead to being worried about your status.

•] Messages like this continued between the two of you. Slowly, it shifted to the point that you two had this little texting thing going on between each other. GR1EF3R'S obviously curious about what's going on in your line though. For example, he's asking what's it like retrieving the Ghostwalker? Did you have a tough time fighting enemies? You had to give him updates every hour or so because he wouldn't stop bugging you.

•] Until... you checked your most recent message from him. Exhausted from running away from the enemies trying to get you, you hid away into a secluded spot to regain some energy. You eventually pulled out your phone to check your contacts, and as expected, there was a new message from GR13FER.

"H3Y, SO. TH1S'LL BE OUTT4 POCK3T BUT 4RE Y0U PL4NN1NG TO H3AD B4CK TO TUR1TOPUL1S SO0N? TH3RE'S TH1S N3W 4IRS0FT PL4CE OP3N1NG SOON AND, I N3ED A P4RTNER."

•] Proceeding, he argues that he's totally not asking you out, totes!

"SO... WH3N 4M I GO1NG TO P1CK YOU UP FR0M THE A1RP0RT?"

[chokifandom]

—☆ 11. hint

prev // masterlist // next

tw: mentions of kidnapping? but not serious, videogame violence, v*lorant

note: tumblr keeps screwing with my post formats im so sorry! anyway just some context if you missed reading the intro chapters (lunchly ambassadors and mikage corporate slaves)— nagi and hiori happen to be online friends on discord but don’t know each other's real identities (until this chapter, anyway) (also nagi's discord username is a sekiro reference 🤭) also expect a few more written chapters i think because we're lowkey nearing the end...

wc: 745

seikiro today at 8:45 pm

valo?

bluesadist today at 8:47 pm

ooh someone’s back from the dead

sure, be there in two

———

the light from nagi’s pc is the only source of illumination in the dark room. a half-eaten cup of instant noodles sits on the side, long gone cold. he aims and shoots, seemingly effortlessly. the kill counter goes up by one, and he swears can hear you talk about how you’ve always hated shooter games as you look over his shoulder at the game he’s playing.

but you’re not there.

it’s been a few days since you’ve been over at his place— well, since he’s even seen you, actually. he’s expectantly glancing at his phone, waiting for it to light up with a barrage of notifications from you, but it never comes. in that one second window of distraction, blood splatters all over his screen and the words ‘you died!’ flash in big red text. he groans and leans back into his chair. what am i doing wrong?

“i dunno, you seem pretty distracted today,” an airy voice rings through nagi’s headphones. had he said that out loud? nagi switches to spectator mode, choosing the point of view of his teammate bluesadist. “we finally play again after what feels like forever and you’ve devolved to this? i’m hurt.”

“huh?”

“are you okay?” bluesadist asks. “you keep dying, that’s very unlike the pro-gamer seikiro i know.” he adds, a tease to his words. nagi thinks about how his online friend’s accent sounds very much like yours, and he’s missing your presence all over again.

“i don’t know, sadist-kun.” he emphasises the nickname as a retort. he always thought bluesadist’s username was hilariously edgy, and never held back on expressing his feelings regarding the same.

“you don’t know how you feel? alright, this is definitely not the seikiro i know.”

“no, no, i do,” nagi answers after thinking for a moment. “i just don’t know what to do about it.”

“do you wanna uh… talk about it?”

“eh, it’s not that big of a deal… there’s this girl in uni i’ve been playing stardew with but lately she’s been ignoring me. i don’t know if it’s something i did but i wish she would tell me.”

“oh, so THAT’S what you’ve been doing all the while you were away!” bluesadist laughs. his laugh is just as airy as his voice, nagi thinks. “never thought i’d see the day you’d get hung up over a girl, sei-kun. she must be pretty cool.”

“she is.”

“well, i don’t really have much advice but i do have a friend who tends to get pretty avoidant. there’s a good chance it’s got nothing to do with you at all, so you could just wait until she gets out of that phase,” he pauses for a bit. “or you could just be straight up with it— sometimes they just need a little push.”

‘ynniechan is online!’ a steam notification pops up on the corner of nagi’s screen. he clicks it without hesitation, and it takes him to her profile page. ‘now playing: minecraft.’

“speak of the devil, she just came online—”

“oh, she’s online—”

“eh? you know my friend?” bluesadist jokes again. nagi thinks about how you’d have a similar response.

“sorry, what were you saying?”

a pit of doubt churns in nagi’s stomach. he momentarily wonders if bluesadist is— nah, incredibly low chance. he knew that bluesadist was from the same city as you… but that doesn’t mean anything. “well, i promised her i’d play minecraft with her tonight so i guess i gotta go.”

“wait a sec, sadist-kun.” it was a pretty baseless conclusion— a hunch at best— but nagi clicks on the mutual friends tab on your profile. and sure enough, there was only one profile on the list, and it was none other than bluesadist. “ynniechan.”

“huh? what are you…”

“check her mutual friends.” nagi’s smirking. hiori does, and the pieces finally click in his head. a light gasp resounds in nagi’s headphones.

“so YOU’RE —!”

the sound of laughter finally fills nagi’s room for the first time in a week. maybe you’re not so out of reach at all.

“don’t worry about it at all, nagi-kun! wait, can i call you that?”

“well, i don’t really care, whatever’s fine,”

“well… all i’ll say is, you gotta corner her down somehow to actually make progress. good luck, nagi-kun! i’ll be leaving now.”

taglist [closed] (if your tag is purple, i haven't been able to tag you! please check your mention settings)

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[cyanhydrangea]

Nerd(s) [Bayverse Donatello x Reader]

Summary: Donnie thinks you're always avoiding him because he's a nerd, he's about to find out the real reason

Warning: mentions of bullying

Donnie notices you love to spend your free time with his brothers

You often meditate with Leo

You workout with Raph

You play video games with Mikey

But he also notices you never spends your time with him, just the two of you.

Once he invites you into his lab since he often see you stand at the entrance of his lab, but you immediately excuse yourself, saying there's an urgent thing to do at home. (He could hear mikey's whine, saying "aren't we gonna play skateboard [name]??")

Donnie feels like you're always avoiding him, and it saddened him.

Out of curiosity, he once stalks you online, because he had to admit he might has a 'lil crush on you. He found your social medias and make a conclusion that you're quite popular. No wonder, you're gorgeous, after all.

Perhaps, you just don't want to hang out with a nerd like him.

At least, that's what he thought.

One day, you were exhausted and fell asleep on the couch at the lair. Donnie walked past by, heading to his lab but stopped when he heard something.

You, sleep talking, mumbling...

...chemical elements? In periodic table order?

Donnie got closer to you, to hear more clearly what you're saying in your sleep, and indeed you were sleep-talking periodic table of elements, in order.

Raph and Mikey's sudden presence, fighting over the last pizza they had, woken you up. And you weren't expecting the purple masked turtle to be so close to you

"Uhh, hi Donnie"

"Hi, uhmmm"

You get up to sit on the couch, Donnie's not sure if he should tell you what happened but he can't help it.

"You were sleep talking..."

"I did?"

"Yeah, about chemical elements...in periodic table order..."

You can feel your face got warmer, you can't believe what you just been told.

"Do you have any interest in chemistry?" Donnie can't help but ask.

You gulped, unsure how to answer it.

"I used to...I mean I still do, I mean---"

You sigh, "It's complicated....I have a love-hate relationship with science in general"

Donnie sits beside you, getting intrigued.

"You see, I used to be a massive nerd in school, but I get bullied for it everyday. I make a decision to change my persona when I started high school. I abandoned my love for science altogether so I won't go back to the nerdy persona and won't get bullied again"

You paused before you continue, "But when I met you and see you have this amazing lab with awesome inventions, my inner nerd self is dying to spends a lot of time with you. But you also reminds me of my past self, and the painful memories of getting bullied keeps replaying in my head"

Donnie's heart breaks hearing your story

"I'm sorry you've been through those traumatic events"

You tried to smile, "It's ok, it's not your fault or anything"

Donnie locks his determined eyes with yours "I want to assure you that you're safe here, w-with me, whenever you're ready for the joy of science again"

You blushed by the eye contact, "T-thank you"

The thought of spending time with your crush doing things you love makes both you and Donnie feels a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

#CyanHydrangea

Date Written: 17/01/2024

[r0ttenhearts]

Words On a Screen II

kazuha left you both at the table, your hands warming on a cup of coffee as scaramouche sat in front of you. he looks strangely uneasy, constantly adjusting his many rings on his fingers as he looked at the table, not at you.

“so? what could you possibly have to say to me scaramouche?” he visibly flinched at the lack of your usual endearing names as you spoke to him bluntly. after his many attempts to try and talk to you over the phone he seemed almost afraid to say something to you now that you were both sitting in front of each other.

his mouth opened and closed, no sound coming out. his thoughts were jumbled up and unable to form a sentence, an excuse for what he’s done to you.

“(y/n), i.. i never meant for you to find out that way.”

you scoff, your grip tightening on your mug as you look at his face.

“oh really? is that so? so when was i to be notified that my so called lover has been cheating on me? tell me, when?”

scaramouche’s eyes widened as he looks you in the eyes, the hurt and anger swirling in yours almost want to make him look away.

“i’m sorry, (y/n). please just, look— you know me, okay? you know the real me, unlike anyone else has. you know this hurts me as much as it hurts you. everything i said to her— i didn’t mean it. honest. all i see is you (y/n).”

he reaches across the table, grabbing your hand before you promptly snatch it out of his grip. glaring daggers at the boy you once swore you’d always forgive. scaramouche’s head hung low, his hands on his lap as his hair covered his eyes.

“please.. let’s just go home. i promise i’ll make this up to you. we still have so much planned, remember? our anniversary is coming up a-and we haven’t gotten married yet, in sumeru like we said we would. don’t let that go to waste—”

“oh really scara? don’t let it go to waste? you’re the one who did that. you did that when you got in bed with that woman, professed the same words we said to each other to her! this is not my fault.”

you laughed dryly, standing up from the kitchen table as you walked over to kazuha’s door. scaramouche looked up from his lap, looking the most vulnerable you’d ever seen him as he looked to your angry form opening the door.

“please get the fuck out of kazuha’s house and never talk to me or show yourself around me again.”

scara slowly stood up from the table, walking out of the house as you slammed the door behind him.

it was really over, like he said it would be.

but why did it hurt so much? didn’t he say he hated you? hated your “suffocating” presence in his life?

why did it feel so.. empty now?

the drive back to your once shared home was quiet. the anxiety in his stomach bubbling over as he stumbled his way into the kitchen, digging in the liquor cabinet you both would only indulge in on special occasions.

grabbing the biggest bottle he could find, he uncapped the liquid and took a big gulp. the stinging in his throat didn’t seem as much of a comparison with the burn in his heart.

you were really gone. he’d never wake up to your cuddles, meals, kisses and affection, or even see you again.

he fucked up. big time.

he sat on the kitchen floor, laughing quietly to himself as the bottle sat next to him, uncapped.

he couldn’t even think of haypasia now, not with you gone. wasn’t she the whole reason why this happened? his affair with a woman he couldn’t care less about now?

it was ironic really, the way he saw the both of you now that he’d lost you. you’d far outweigh the scale of what he’d wished and yearned for since his abandonment as a child.

and what, now you were going to stay with kazuha? the man he introduced you to? it all tasted bitter as he took another swig of the bottle.

time seemed to pass slowly after the breakup. scaramouche stopped streaming and disappeared online, the same being for haypasia. he no longer talked to her after that day, staying cooped up in his now empty home, hugging a sweater you had forgotten to bring along.

when he heard you and kazuha had gotten together he drunk himself into a heavy hangover. he didn’t consider himself a drinker, not until that day. those big shiny bottles being his only comfort as you had taken the small cat that you both had adored.

this was the life he had declared he had wanted for the past two years to a woman he no longer cared to speak to.

but it was just words on a screen, right?

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@elaphrodite @zeikanspel @thantos-nightshade

@ilovemychunkycat @rengokus-bloodclot @freezombielover @ahseya @0kauy @muichirouswife @blue-rae18

[channelinglament]

Sksjdjjkskskskskksk

I know I should be focusing more on reqs, but I had to take this off my mind skskksskks (btw I'm rn in the underground belobog part of story) (I kinda called it SAHSR as in self aware hsr)

☆•°Self-Aware Honkai Star Rail°•☆

Tw: no proofread, mentioned drowning(but it didn't happen), war, hate, religious themes, self awareness, kinda ooc, grammar mistakes because I am typing this at 12AM instead of sleeping, isolation

So, you know how in the beginning we play as Kafka? Yeah, I'm pretty sure she felt your presence. At first she was kinda weirded out, and was on guard. Who knows what you would do to her, while controlling her?

Oh look, you're helping her.. Hmm, maybe you aren't that bad after all. Still on guard, but thankful. With you she seems to fight more faster and is more efficient.

Same goes with Silver Wolf. They don't seem to mind your presence that much.

You even helped them to pick a trailblazer! But after picking them, you left Kafka and Silver Wolf. They didn't really mind it. They have been doing good without you, so it should be fine!

Meanwhile, the trailblazer is confused. First, they don't remember anything except their own name(or the name you gave them), then Kafka leaves and someone is watching over them. Oh how confusing and strange. But they caught early on that you're helping them. You're not an enemy.

During their "adventures" trailblazer starts thinking of you as a family. Kinda annoying since you control their body most the time (unless it's a cutscene) but you're cool nonetheless. They see you as a safespace.

Meanwhile March 7th and Dan Heng don't understand what is happening. Who is controlling them? Why after they met trailblazer? Why are you controlling them?

I think March would, just like the trailblazer, like you and find you annoying at the same time. Dan Heng would stay on guard (but also see you as safe space/nice person to hang with). Not as much on guard as when you first...met but still. It'll take him time to get off guard. The more time you spend with them, the more familiar they are with you, the more they like you.

Why annoyed, you may ask? Well, imagine you want to.. for example fight, but someone controls your movement and does it instead of you. Or goes the other way (aka exploring) instead of the path you've originally chosen.

They certainly would like when you make them stronger. No matter who is on your team, they'll like it (I mean, who wouldn't?)

But.. sometimes, even if they like you, they get tired of always being on the team. Thank you, yes, but they need to rest too. They mostly rest when you're offline, since..time kinda stops there. But when you're online? damnnn they walk and fight so much.. (I fr walk everywhere to find enemies to fight, so uhh, if you're like me, they would be tired and maybe annoyed at it)

I think some characters would even hate you. It doesn't apply to the main trio btw, they'll always like you. The reason some may hate you is that they have so much stuff to do, yet you choose them to walk around and fight all day. They're even supposed to be here! (For example, using Herta when fighting someone in Belobog)

If they could, they would scold you. But sadly game doesn't allow that.

It only appears in normal, self aware circumstances. Aka a normal self aware. Some like you, some hate you. You just kinda exist. (That one strange friend/sibling, y'know?)

But what if they would see you as a God? Something divine? Like in SAGAU?

Well, you're doomed, what can I say?

Everyone would want to be in your team. Oh, poor Gacha system.

They would hate it tbh. While in just self aware some would avoid you on purpose (aka busy characters), here? Where everyone sees you as a divine being? Oh dear..

Imagine several people trying to come through a single door, all at the same time? Yeahhh that's what happens. The standard and limited banner would literally fist fight while trying to get "home" to you. So don't be surprised if nobody comes home, at all.

But some may cooperate, and you may get more 5☆ or 4☆! Basically characters you wanted.

Those on your team would be proud! Mostly if the main trio are still there. Some would be envious of trailblazer. You're always with them, even if they're not on your team.(how could you?!)

Kafka and Silverwofl would be devastated. I'm pretty sure Silverwolf could possibly destroy the gacha system and come home. Only her (and maybe Kafka)

People in Belobog would hate the lore and everything game makes them do what they do. They're so happy they met you! You're here to save them! They don't want to fight you, so please don't be mad at them.

Honestly, if you were to get isekai'ed into hsr, I would recommend to the normal au.

The ones who hate you would just tell you off and never interact again, while your family/friends would hang out with you. Plus you could help a lot in Astral Express!

Maybe get Himeko and Mr.Yang some tea? Or help Pom Pom with whatever he needs?

If you get into the Worshipping Lunatics au..? I feel sorry for you.. You would never rest-

Whether you choose to stay at Astrak Express, or Herta's *I forgot the name* or whatever, they are all ready to wage war against each other. And if you decided to stay somewhere, that means you clearly favor them and their place more! Those who were chosen are happy/smug. While other try to improve their place/copy the place you've chosen to make you reconsider and stay with them.

The amount of gifts.. try to not drown okay?

They might even all agree to keep you in one place. Lock you in there and hope you won't be mad at them.

That's all for now

(Gotta work on reqs now or in the morning, they're still open btw)

[pixiesfz]

old friend from school t.m x r

plot: you recently move to England after living in Australia your whole life

warnings: some facts could be wrongs, there is one point in this where the r does something and if I saw it in real life I would cringe

You had finally set up your new apartment, taking photos of it to send to your mum who was eager to see your décor skills. Your heart was bumping, you had officially moved to Europe, something you had always wanted to do since you were seventeen.

Australia was great and you loved the setting and the atmosphere but you always yearned to be somewhere where you could always have a fresh start.

Plus, you were pretty sure the girls in Europe love the Aussie accent.

“This looks sick” Your best friend Emily piped up from behind you, letting herself in “yeah?” you asked and she nodded “Looks ready for a housewarming party” She smirked and you shook your head

“no”

“Oh c’mon! You need more friends other than me and some girls from high school moved here as well”

You huffed “We never talked to those girls” you hummed and she crossed her head “We talked to Teagan”

You whipped your head up “Teagan’s in Europe?” you asked and your best friend smirked “Yep, she just started playing in the WSL” she proudly said “Do you both still talk?” you asked and she shrugged “when we bump into each other at gatherings, we talk about you sometimes”

You tensed “Why?” your question made your best friend laugh “Oh I don’t know maybe because you were both madly in love with each other”

You scoff “No we were not”

“Yes you were and then you pussied away because you got scared”

You gave your friend a pointed glare “She was going to UCLA for college, I was going to Latrobe University in Melbourne, it wouldn’t have worked”

“So you admit you did have feelings for her?”

“Emily!”

“What,” she said innocently, and you grumbled “It’s been almost seven years, I’ve had girlfriends since then and she probably has to”

“To be fair you haven’t seen each other since, have you even talked online?”

Guilt washed over you as you remembered her name popping up on your phone and you ignoring it “no” you said and your best friend nodded, a silence going over your apartment.

“Well, you still need more friends”.

“Is this how I’m going to make new friends?” you ask Emily as you walk into Prenton Park where the game would be played “I have some friends here that want to meet you” she says simply and you rolled your eyes “All right fine”.

“Who’s playing again?” You ask and your friend shuffled her feet “Chelsea and Liverpool” You nodded “Cool, I was more of an Arsenal fan but-“ “That’s only because they have the most Aussies” your friend interrupted you and you shrugged “Don’t hate me because I love my country”

You were completely fine until the teams ran out, you were next to Liverpool's side of the tunnel and watched everyone run out with a small “woo” on your behalf.

You watched the back of their heads as they all ran, unbeknownst to you your best friend watching you with a smirk, waiting for Liverpool’s goalkeeper to turn around so you could see her face.

Your eyes followed the goalkeepers head, she reminded you of someone from back home.

“Don’t you think that-“

Your voice stopped as she turned around, clapping to the fans. Teagan as beautiful as ever with her hair up, she had obviously died it blonde recently. Your mouth was agape from shock as Emily giggled from aside from you, waving to some of the girls in the team.

“When you said you wanted me to meet your friends I think you forgot to mention they were in the team”

“I’m full of surprises”

You rolled your eyes but felt like hiding behind the gate, which had holes in it so your presence would still be seen, your next option was to use your scarf as a mask but the perfume you had sprayed on it was strong and you think it might kill you if you held it there for the whole game.

“You also forgot to mention Teagan’s team was Liverpool, I assumed Man United or City”

“I thought you wouldn’t come if I said so”

You just hummed and nodded, agreeing with her. In all fairness, you probably would’ve.

You leaned down to rummage through your bag as your friend tapped your back “What?”

“someone’s looking at us” she whispered and you shot your head up in protectiveness, assuming it was a creepy man “Who?” you asked and you were met with the eyes of your old friend from school.

She raised her brows in shock as she held on to the ball, her teammates asking her to throw it back but she was frozen solid “fuck” you mumbled under your breath and you were sure she did the same.

She looked older, but you knew that from a now and then stalk on her social media and you thought she may have been thinking the same.

You felt like you had been staring at her for five minutes before her teammate yanked the ball out of her hands, taking you both out of your trances as you shot your head to Emily.

“Well, that was a bit hard to watch”.

It was after the first half you got really into the game, you had to admit Teaghan was playing extremely well, Number 33 for Chelsea had been firing shots and she was deflecting almost all of them, you couldn’t help but cheer loudly.

It reminded you back in high school when she invited you to all her games, especially in her young Matilda’s games, those were her favourites, and she loved representing her country.

“You’re not mad at me are you?” Your friend asked, slightly guilty by her actions “Depends on if I make a fool of myself in front of the team” you smirked, knowing that you would be extremely nervous meeting them.

When the two teams came out again you cheered loudly for Liverpool, you and Emily sharing a Liverpool scarf as a cameraman shot a video of you both.

Your eyes fell on Teagan as she took her spot in front of the net, she looked nervous as she fiddled with her gloves. This win meant a lot to them apparently, Chelsea was a big team in the WSL, they win a lot and can be described as 'cocky’ at least by Emily.

You thought back to High school when you went to her games and took a deep breath before using your hands and putting them at the sides of your mouth.

“Let’s go Teagzy!” you yelled out to her before clapping, something you used to yell out to her every game.

The girl looked up at your voice immediately, shocked that you’d even speak up. She nodded and smiled to herself nonetheless and got ready before Chelsea got the ball into their forward line.

The cheers grew louder each and every time Teaghan made a save and you and Emily couldn’t help but stand up and cheer when the whistle blew.  

After celebrating the win the players started to walk around the pitch, interacting with fans and family.

Some of the girls went straight to Emily who introduced you to them “Where’s Teaghan?” Emily asked and the girls looked around “I think she went straight into the tunnel” one girl said and you nodded, Emily looked back at you, guilt practically written on her face.

“She said she wanted to see someone though” one of the girls piped up “An old friend from school she said,” another one said and you smiled “Okay”

“I’m having some girls over tonight at mine if you guys want to come,” Emily said and all the girls nodded

“just please don’t bring any Chelsea girls I think I might drunkenly piss them off”.

You were late to Emily’s.

You didn’t mean to, usually you are the first to an event but you caught yourself stuck in your wardrobe figuring out what to wear.

To tight.

To revealing.

To colourful.

Not revealing enough.

You finally settled on jeans and a nice top, bringing a win with you as you knocked on the door to see an already tipsy Emily.

“Teaghan!”

Well maybe more than Tipsy.

The girl quickly grabbed you by your hand and searched the room, you tried to follow her eyesight but she was too quick before she pushed you toward someone making you squeal.

It didn’t seem like the other girl was prepared either but with her quick reflexes she grabbed your waist with one hand and your hand that held the wine in the other.

“uh hello”

Your eyes widened as you looked up to Teaghen, recognizing her voice.

“I am going to kill her,” you said before pulling your arms away, your high school crush immediately coming back at the feeling of her skin brushing yours

“You’d rather kill your best friend than talk to me”

You dropped your mouth into an ‘o’ shape “No I wanted to talk to you, really I just thought maybe after one or two drinks that maybe I could have the confidence to“ You stopped after seeing her grinning smirk on her face “Teaghan” you deadpanned and she laughed “I’m only kidding with you”

“I needed to talk to you too”.

You slightly blushed at her saying ‘needed’ but you looked away “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you” you hummed and she nodded “seven years to be exact” she added on and you grimaced “How was UCLA?” you asked and she smiled “It was great, a bit rocky at first but I got into it, found some life long friends” you smiled “that’s great and obviously your living your dream now”

She smiled “I wouldn’t say dream-“ “oh shut up”

She laughed softly before gesturing her drink to you “What’s brought you here on a holiday?” she asked and you shook your head “not a holiday, I’m here for good” you said proudly and she raised her brows “oh shit” she laughed “well warning for the weather but from memory you like the cold” she smiled and you agreed.

A silence went over and you grimaced, remembering what you had done to her after high school.

“I’m sorry,” you said and she looked at you “What?” “For after school, I just- you were moving to America for four years and I was still at home I just got scared” you trailed off and the girl nodded “Oh”

“yeah” you murmured, looking away before the soccer player turned your head back to her “After a while I realised, my roommate Jessie kinda yelled at me for being upset and then I got scared and never communicated back”

“Jessie seems nice”

“She’s Canadian”

“Sounds about right” you both laughed and you grabbed your wine “I’m going to open this,” you said, a bit awkwardly if you said so yourself “Do you want me to come?” Teaghan asked and you smiled “Yes please”.

“I did that!” Emily yelled as you both walked by her, the two of you just laughing at your friends antics.

[onlinesuzie]

HAMZAH REQUEST: argument fic w fluff make out after love me some angst ty!

♡ confronting hamzah about his time away from you ♡

words: 1.8k

summary: Hamzah was passionate about his work, spending countless hours filming and editing to ensure every detail was perfect. But as his dedication to his videos grew, so did the distance between you and him.

notes: i usually hate writing angst but this submission made me want to try it so i hope you like it!! also i am a sucker for hamzah asking for a little kiss so i just had to add that!!

☆

Hamzah’s deep brown eyes always sparkled with excitement whenever he talked about his latest project. With his brown curly hair framing his face, often tousled from running his hands through it during long editing sessions. His tan skin, a warm golden hue, glowed under the harsh blue light, though dark circles had begun to appear under his eyes from many sleepless nights.

You were very proud of Hamzah’s success. You loved seeing the joy his videos brought to his audience, but the late nights and missed dinners were taking their toll. What once felt like a shared journey now seemed like a lonely path. Tonight, as you set the table for a special dinner, the clock ticked away the minutes of your patience.

Hamzah was late again.

The dinner grew cold as you sat in silence, the flickering candlelight casting shadows on the empty chair across from you. You had planned a special evening, hoping to reconnect after weeks of feeling alone. But as the hours passed, your frustration turned to anger.

Finally, the front door creaked open. Hamzah entered, his face alight with excitement, clutching his camera.

“You won’t believe how funny Martin was today! It’s going to be our best video yet,” he said, oblivious to your simmering anger.

“Hamzah, do you even know what time it is?” you snapped, your voice sharper than you intended.

He opened up his phone, checking the time and noticing the several missed calls, his smile fading. “Oh… I lost track of time. I’m sorry, my love. But you should see this clip—”

“I don’t care about the clip!” you interrupted, standing up from the table. “You’re always late, always busy with your videos. Do you even care about us anymore?”

Hamzah’s face fell, his excitement replaced by confusion and defensiveness. “Of course I care about us. This is for us, for our future. Can’t you see how important this is?”

“Important? Hamzah, you’re never here! I feel like I’m living alone. We never talk, we never spend time together. I’m tired of feeling left out.”

“I thought you’d be proud of me,” Hamzah shot back, his voice rising. “I’m building something here. Something that makes us a stable income. Can’t you see that?”

“I am proud of you! But what’s the point of all this if me and you are falling apart?” Your voice broke, the frustration spilling out. “I just want to spend time with you, Hamzah. Is that too much to ask?”

“You think I don’t want that too?” he retorted. “I’m doing this for us, so we can have a better future. But it’s like you don’t even appreciate how hard I’m working.”

“Appreciate? I appreciate you, Hamzah. But I need you here, with me, not lost in your work all the time. We’re supposed to be a team, remember?”

“We are a team,” he insisted. “But you need to understand, this isn’t just a hobby. This is my career. Our career. You should be supporting me.”

“I do support you,” you said, tears welling up in your eyes. “But I can’t support something that’s tearing us apart.”

The argument escalated, emotions running high. Words flew back and forth, each one more hurtful than the last. You voiced every grievance, every moment of loneliness you had felt. Hamzah tried to defend himself, explaining the pressures of maintaining his online presence, but his words only fueled your anger.

“You don’t get it,” you cried, tears streaming down your face. “I don’t care about your subscribers or your videos. I care about you. I miss you.”

The room fell silent, your words hanging in the air. Hamzah stood there, the weight of your feelings finally sinking in. He stepped closer, his voice softening. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you. I’m so sorry sweetheart, I thought I was doing this for us, but I see now that I’ve been pushing you away.”

You looked up at him, your anger fading as you saw the regret in his eyes. “I just want us to be okay, Hamzah. I want to feel like we’re a team again.”

He reached out, taking your hands in his. “We are a team. And I promise I’ll do better. I’ll find a way to balance my work and our relationship. You’re more important to me than any video.”

The sincerity in his voice melted the remaining tension. You stepped closer, wrapping your arms around him, and he held you tight. As you looked into his eyes, you saw the love that had always been there, just buried under the stress and excitement of his career.

“I love you,” you whispered, and he leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a tender kiss.

Hamzah was breathtakingly beautiful, and you had missed him this way. His eyes were locked onto yours, conveying a depth of emotion words could never capture. You had always admired his determination and drive, but in this moment, all you wanted was him, here with you, present and loving.

“I’ve missed you so much,” you murmured against his lips, your voice barely a whisper. “I need you, Hamzah.”

“I’m here,” he whispered back, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Later into the night, it was quiet, the air thick with unspoken words and unresolved tension. You and Hamzah lay on the couch, entwined, the warmth of his body a comfort you hadn't realized you needed so badly. Yet, even in this moment of closeness, a sense of unease lingered. You knew the fight wasn't over, that deeper issues lay beneath the surface, waiting to be addressed.

As you traced your fingers along the curve of Hamzah’s jaw, you could see the exhaustion etched into his features. The dark circles under his eyes told the story of countless late nights spent editing videos, chasing a dream that seemed to be pulling him further away from you.

“Hamzah,” you began softly, not wanting to shatter the fragile peace that had settled between you, “I’m scared.”

He looked at you, his brown eyes concerned. “Scared of what?”

“I’m scared that we’re losing each other,” you confessed. “That your career is becoming more important than us. I know you love what you do, and I love seeing you happy, but I need to know that we still matter to you.”

Hamzah sighed, running a hand through his curly hair. “You do matter. More than anything. But I feel like I’m caught between two worlds. I want to give you everything, but I also love my job and don’t want to lose the opportunity I’ve ended up with.”

“I understand that,” you said, your voice trembling. “But I don’t want to be the one always left behind. We need to find a balance, Hamzah. I need to feel like I’m a part of your world, not just an afterthought.”

He pulled you closer, his embrace strong yet tender. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’ve been so focused on my work that I forgot the most important part of my life – you. I promise I’ll do better.”

You buried your face in his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “I miss us, Hamzah. I miss the way things used to be.”

He tilted your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze. “Then let’s make a change. Let’s set some boundaries. No more late nights unless it’s absolutely necessary. And I’ll make sure we have our time together, no matter what.”

You nodded, a glimmer of hope igniting within you. “Okay. But we have to stick to it, Hamzah. We can’t keep going like this.”

“I know,” he said, his voice firm with determination. “I want this to work. I want us to work.”

As you shared this intimate moment, the tension that had filled the room began to dissipate, replaced by a deep longing for each other. Your heart raced as you leaned in closer, feeling the warmth radiating from him. Hamzah’s eyes searched yours, filled with a mixture of regret and desire.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, his voice low and filled with vulnerability.

You nodded, your breath hitching in your throat as he closed the distance. His lips closed the distance between you.

Hamzah’s hands held to your waist, pulling you closer as he traced your lips with his tongue. You responded eagerly, opening your mouth and wrapping your arms around his neck and sliding your fingers into his soft curls. His lips moved against yours with an urgency that made your heart beat faster. It felt as though the world around you had disappeared, leaving just the two of you in your own bubble of passion.

You could taste the salt of his skin and the sweetness of his breath as you kissed him deeply, exploring the familiar contours of his mouth. Every touch, every sigh, seemed to bring you closer, healing the wounds that had formed between you during the argument.

Hamzah’s hands traveled down your back, pulling you even tighter against him as if he never wanted to let go. You could feel the warmth of his body against yours, and every brush of his fingers gave you goosebumps. The kiss grew more intense, filled with all the pent-up emotions of longing, frustration, and love.

“God, I’ve missed this,” you breathed, pulling away just enough to catch your breath, your hands resting on his chest.

“Me too,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion. “I never want to lose you.”

As you resumed kissing, it was as if you were both reaffirming your commitment to each other. The softness of his lips against yours felt like a promise, a vow that no matter how busy life got, you would always find your way back to one another. You kissed with intensity, pouring all your love and desperation into each moment.

Time seemed to stand still as you got lost in each other. Every moment spent in his arms felt like a step towards reclaiming what you both had nearly lost. The passion of the kiss made you realize just how important your connection was, how deep your love ran.

Eventually, you pulled back slightly, both of you breathless, the realization of how much you needed each other settling in.

“Let’s not wait until we’re fighting to remember this,” you said softly, brushing your fingers over his cheek.

“Agreed,” Hamzah replied, his expression serious yet tender. “I promise to always make time for us, no matter what.”

As you nestled into his embrace once more, the world outside seemed to fade away. The promise of a new beginning hung in the air, and with every heartbeat, you felt a renewed sense of hope. You knew that no matter the challenges ahead, you and Hamzah would face them together—united, passionate, and very much in love.

With hearts intertwined, you both finally surrendered to the exhaustion of the day, drifting off to sleep in each other’s arms, ready to embrace the future hand in hand.

[luvzshy]

please please can you make billie being super protective over her plus size girlfriend after she got hate comments after red carpet

more than enough

The night had been surreal. Walking down the red carpet with Billie, feeling her hand in yours, the buzz of cameras and flashing lights around you—it had been one of those moments you’d always dreamt of but never quite believed would happen.

But now, hours later, you were curled up on the couch, staring blankly at your phone, wondering why the glow of that moment was slipping away so fast. The screen was full of comments, most of them brutal. Strangers picking you apart, dissecting your body, sneering at the way you looked next to her.

You’d seen it coming. You’d prepared yourself mentally for the judgment, told yourself it didn’t matter, that you wouldn’t let it affect you. But now that you were sitting there, alone, scrolling through the venom, it felt different. It felt personal.

You hadn’t even noticed Billie entering the room until she was sitting down beside you, her presence calm but watchful. She knew you too well.

“Hey,” she said softly, leaning in close. “You’ve been quiet since we got home. What’s going on?”

You opened your mouth to say something casual, something like “I’m fine” or “It’s nothing,” but the words didn’t come. The knot in your throat tightened, and suddenly you couldn’t hold back the wave of emotion. You swallowed, staring at your phone as the silence stretched out.

Her eyes followed yours, and it didn’t take long for her to piece it together. Billie reached for the phone, not roughly, but with a sense of purpose, like she needed to see for herself what had you so upset. You watched her expression shift as she scrolled, her mouth set in a tight line, her eyes narrowing.

“They’re idiots,” she muttered under her breath, her voice controlled but laced with anger. She set the phone down on the coffee table, turning to you fully. “Why didn’t you tell me people were saying this shit?”

You shrugged, feeling small and exposed. “Because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. It’s… it’s just people online. I should be used to it by now, right?”

Billie shook her head, her eyes softening but still sharp with frustration. “No. You don’t have to be ‘used to it.’ You shouldn’t have to deal with this crap at all.” She pulled you closer, her arm wrapping around your shoulders, grounding you. “I hate that this is happening to you. I hate that people think they have a right to say anything about you. You deserve better.”

You looked away, your voice barely above a whisper. “It’s hard, though. It’s like, I don’t care about them… but then, why does it still hurt so much?”

Billie exhaled slowly, resting her head against yours. “Because you’re human. Because people can be cruel, and it’s impossible not to feel it when they come at you like this. But none of this—none of what they say—defines you.”

You felt the tears prick at your eyes, the weight of her words breaking through some of the numbness that had settled in. “I just didn’t want to bring you into it,” you said quietly. “You have so much to deal with already. This is my problem.”

“No,” Billie said firmly, her voice quiet but unwavering. “This is our problem. You’re not doing this alone.” She turned your face toward hers, her eyes intense, like she needed you to understand how serious she was. “I’m not gonna let anyone make you feel like you don’t belong. Not in my life, not anywhere. You’re beautiful. And you’re mine. I don’t care what they say.”

You blinked, the tears finally falling, and Billie gently brushed them away with her thumb. “I wish I could make all of this disappear,” she murmured, her voice thick with emotion. “I wish I could make them understand what I see when I look at you.”

You gave a small, shaky laugh, leaning into her touch. “You make me feel like I’m enough. But sometimes… sometimes it feels like the world doesn’t agree.”

Billie’s grip on you tightened, her frustration barely contained. “The world is wrong, then. I don’t care what they think. All I care about is you.”

There was a moment of quiet between you, the weight of her words settling in. You closed your eyes, leaning against her, letting her warmth surround you, trying to let go of the pain that had been building inside. Billie held you like she wasn’t going to let go, her heartbeat steady against your skin, her presence anchoring you.

“You know,” she said after a while, her voice soft but determined, “if anyone gives you shit again, I’m calling them out. I don’t care who they are. You don’t deserve this, and I’m not gonna stay quiet about it.”

You smiled, the first real smile since the comments had started pouring in. “You don’t have to do that.”

She tilted your chin up, her eyes locking onto yours. “I want to. I’m not just gonna sit back while people hurt you. You’re everything to me.”

And somehow, despite everything, despite the cruel words from people who didn’t know you, didn’t know your heart, you believed her. You believed that in Billie’s eyes, you were enough, more than enough. And that was something you could hold onto, even when the world felt too loud.

[evagaetinosgirl]

I neeeedddd a fanfiction of r being really shy and they just started dating (elisa asked because r can't even look at her eyes).

Also, no need to do it if you don't have time. I know you probably have finals and even other stuff x

eye contact is overrated ( elisa de almeida x reader )

prompt: you can't seem to stop being shy around elisa even after she asks you out.

author notes: thank you for the request! and ty for being appreciative of my time but tbh i have more free time than i should. i hope this is what you wanted. i finished this at literally 4am so give me slack on any grammar/spelling errors. enjoy!

you wouldn't consider yourself to be a shy person. your personality was bold and strong on the pitch while loud and talkative off of the pitch. nobody would consider you shy expect for one person: elisa de almeida who just so happens to be your now current girlfriend. even after getting with her, you're still so shy.

it truly isn't your fault. elisa is the first woman to make you feel this way; nervous in a good way. the first to make your heart flutter when she gives you a quick smile. it's 100% elisa's fault for being so beautiful like she is. that's why you always look away when she tries to hold eye contact or use to go silent in the locker room when she walked past you. she was too beautiful for her own good.

when you first moved clubs to paris saint germain from wolfsburg, you were understandably nervous. not nervous enough to not be your bubbly self, but just nervous enough to try to calm down that really loud part of your personality when first meeting the team.

that didn't last long once you got around jackie and ramona. the team overall was full of some big personalities, but those two really bought out your loud side. all day at practice you were playing around and almost had to be separated from jackie so you could focus. that energetic, fun energy followed you all day until it was time to leave.

you were changing out of your practice kit, humming a soft tune. lost in your own world as you put on your tshirt than your sweatpants. you turn as you feel someone's presence behind you. there stood elisa who smiles at you. that stupidly attractive smile. your loud personality from earlier crawls into a shell as you give her a shy smile back.

"can i borrow a comb?" the french player asks, again smiling that stupidly attractive smile at you. it takes a moment for you to just nod and grab your comb from your bag. awkwardly smiling as you hand her the comb. you really was just trying to cover up how feeling her hand against yours makes your heart flutter. "thanks," elisa says before walking off. probably to go find a mirror to look at.

that first interaction set the tone for all the interactions between elisa and you after. the french player would try to make conversation with you and the most she would get was short answers.

at first, she thought you hated her or something like that. you were overly bubbly and friendly with everyone else but her. it made elisa nervous as usually she was easily liked. that's just how her personality is: likeable. what did she do wrong to make you that uncomfortable around her?

it wasn't until she started to notice that you would blush and look away at her when she would greet you. elisa realized you weren't shy out of discomfort, but just out of gay panic. that changed everything for her. now she was determined to get you to open up to her and become closer to you. that shy smile of yours was doing things to her heart so elisa thinks it's only fair that you talk to her for more than five minutes.

instead of talking to you in person which just ends up with you running off, elisa took a different approach and messaged you on instagram. talking to someone online has always been less nerve wracking than in person so it only took a few messages for elisa to see your real personality. that loud, talkative y/n everyone else got to see.

in person you still shyed away from her, but a win was a win to her.

eventually after months of talking back and forth on instagram, you start to open up to elisa in person. happily jumping up on her in celebration after making a great goal. being able to hold an actual conversation with her in person as long as y'all's other teammates are around.

still you have fallen hard for her. you wanted to take you two's friendship to the next level. however you would rather crawl into a hole than ask elisa out. that was going way too far for your (gay panic induced) shyness.

good thing elisa felt the same way and was actually bold enough to take that leap. one day, she invited you out for lunch. despite being incredibly nervous (due to gay panic) you accepted and dressed in a cute white crop top with some flared jeans. doing a half up half down hairstyle for the occasion.

when you arrived at the restaurant, your heart rate was a little higher than it should be but you pushed though and sat down at the reserved table elisa got. she sits infront of you, smiling with that beautiful smile of hers. "thanks for asking me out to this place. it's so nice," you say, almost stumbling over your words. "it's really nothing. i just wanted to spend more time with you" elisa replies back. those words almost had you running out of the restaurant (again gay panic). thankfully you stayed sat in your seat.

the date (would it even be considered one? you didn't ask her) goes well. with you two enjoying a nice lunch before heading off to an aquarium. elisa was particularly obsessed with the sea otters. forcing you to stay by their exhibit longer than needed, but you dealt with it for her. the little critters were cute anyways. you have actually gotten more comfortable talking to her in person now. however eye contact was out of the question, with you always acting interested in other things when you two would speak to each other. it couldn't be helped in all honesty. elisa was just too pretty and her eyes were like the sun in your eyes, so obviously you have to look away; staring at the sun isn't good for you.

the sun was setting as you two step out of the aquarium. hands interlocked as y'all walk to elisa's car. you were actually the reason you two were holding hands right now and it took all of your willpower to power though all that gay panic and take elisa's hand in yours. elisa's already high confidence level climbed that day.

once inside of her car, she starts to talk excitedly about the day. with you saying a few words here and there but listening intently. hearing her sound so excited made you smile.

"the best part of today was definitely the otter exhibit. those little guys are incredibly cute," elisa rants off as she continues to drive. you nod in agreement. "yeah but the penguins were cuter in my opinion," you say. giggling once elisa steals a glance at you. obviously offended.

"why would you even say that? the otters beat out penguins by a long shot" she says. the empathizing in her words almost made you agree, but no. the penguins still have your heart. "they really don't but whatever you say" you shrug before leaning your head against the window. elisa gives you the side eye but has to focus on the road in the end so she will definitely be bringing this back up at a later date.

it takes twenty minutes to get to your place from the aquarium.

elisa being the gentleman she is walks you to your door. "thank you for taking me out today. it was fun," you smile warmly at her. smiling even brighter when she leans in for a hug. happily letting her take you in her arms. the warmth of the embrace almost makes you scream (in gay panic), but you'll save that for later when you're by yourself.

"i enjoyed myself so thank you actually" the french player says against your ear. you could hear the smile on her lips as she speaks, "i have a question for you, y/n."

elisa pulls away from the hug. with her hands still holding onto your arms. she tries to hold eye contact with you (because that's more romantic) but you look away. "what is it?" you say quietly. she looks at you for another moment before saying, "can i be your girlfriend?"

you almost ran into your house out of pure panic. instead you pull her back into a hug. "duh" you giggle.

now you and elisa have been together for a month. that overly shyness of yours have faded a bit. however you still blush when elisa holds your hand in public or when she hugs you from behind or kiss you or pretty much do anything couples usually do.

maybe you shyness hasn't faded, but you are way more comfortable with holding a conversation with her. you start to initiate some affection like a few hugs and kisses but it's mostly elisa being her bold self that starts things.

it's a nice evening of having a movie marathon when the fact you still can't hold eye contact with your girlfriend reveals itself. you are laying on her top of her with your head on her chest as you two stare at the tv. the monster high movies from your childhood playing on the screen. elisa seems to be enjoying the movies despite them not being apart of her childhood at all. clawd is her favorite by the way. she turns to look down at you.

"babe.." she says quietly, chuckling once you look up at her. immediately you look away the moment y'all's eyes meet. it's not your fault you're too shy for all that still. elisa just smiles, mentally reminding herself to break you out of that shy shell of yours, as she guides you to face her again.

leaning down slightly as she kisses you. good thing kisses don't require eye contact.

[cripplecharacters]

Hello!! I’m a fic writer and have had the idea of giving one of the characters I’m writing for prosopagnosia. Within the canon, he mistakes the protagonist for someone he used to know (the protagonist is unable to correct him) and doesn’t realize his mistake until much later on, where he then comments that the two aren’t actually similar at all, in reference to their personalities. He’s also known to refer to people with notable visual traits, at least in the online circles I’ve run in.

I have a couple smaller questions in regards to how I should proceed:

Is it reasonable for him not to have been aware that the way he perceives faces is different?

Would it be incorrect to have him identify others by facial features? Not in the sense of “the one with the short nose” or anything, but “this one has red eyes” and “that one has a scar”. Something easily picked out on the face. Would those be identifiable traits at all?

My fic isn’t meant to have much of an overarching plot, and it’s just supposed to be funny/slice of life. This character is important though and will be a consistent presence. What jokes might my characters make, what jokes should I avoid making, and what jokes is the character going to hear the most and get sick of real quick?

Thank you for your ask! Whether or not he realizes he can’t recognize faces depends on both his character and the severity of his prosopagnosia, as it can range from difficulty differentiating faces to being unable to distinguish faces from objects. From the experience of myself and most people I know with prosopagnosia he’d probably just assume he’s bad with faces and not think any deeper than that, but it isn’t a universal experience.

It's also fine if he recognizes people by unique facial features! Despite not being able to picture someone's face he could try to remember key aspects of someone’s face like a prominent mole or a crooked nose, though I agree something like ‘short nose’ is too vague. The more unique and prominent, the easier he’ll have remembering it (to clarify when I say ‘remembering’ I mean remembering that they have that feature, not being able to picture it). He can also try recognizing people by clothes they always wear or unique hairstyles, though it can get confusing if someone decides to change their hair or he meets a stranger with the same hat as his one friend. The easiest way for me to recognize someone is by their voice or calling their name and waiting for them to respond.

Have a nice day!

Mod Rot

Hi!

Usually I identify people by hairstyle or specific articles of clothing, although unique traits like a scar or red eyes would certainly help as confirmation! (Of course, personality as well--but speaking about visual traits, this is what I look for.)

I hate when people change their hairstyles, it makes them totally unrecognizable for a while. Often I can figure out who someone is a few minutes into a conversation, maybe shorter for people I know really well, but changes to big recognizable features throw me off. (Don't ask how many times I've been in conversations with people and had No Idea who I was talking to...)

So yes, it's realistic to go off facial features, although non-face features may be more common as an identifier. It's also realistic to mistake someone for another person entirely. I often think people look alike and they just are similar heights with similar hairstyles to non-face-blind people.

Joke-wise, I make fun of myself for not recognizing people. It's embarrassing, sure, but in hindsight it makes a good story. I don't like being teased about it, it makes me feel bad or inadequate that I can't recognize people. But when I do it? Funny story!

Mod Rock

Hello,

As someone with a similar condition (I've always heard it referred to as face blindness,) I use a few different things to recognize people;

Glasses. A lot of people I know have unique glasses and I use those to recognize them. I know this person because they have blue, red, and gold glitter in their glasses, and I know this person because she has electric teal wire-frame glasses.

Hair. This only works when people have an unusual hair colour or style. If someone has one side of their head buzzed, I recognize them by that. If someone has very long red hair, I recognize them by that.

I also look at distinct facial features. I know someone who wears red contacts and I recognize them by that. Something like a scar or very distinct facial features can help me recognize someone.

Voices. I'm not excellent at recognizing voice but I can recognize a distinct vocal quirk, like a Louisiana accent.

Context is also important. The biggest thing I struggle with is recognizing people out of their usual context. I struggle to recognize most of my old classmates outside of high school and school-related functions like graduation ceremonies. If I see an old classmate or even a family member in the drive-thru, it's hard to recognize them unless they have something distinct about them or I know them really well (such as if they were in my friend group.)

And then there are little things I pick up on that help me recognize people I wouldn't otherwise recognize. I work in a drive-thru so I can recognize a lot of people by their orders or by the cars they drive. I can recognize a few people based on their names when they order on the mobile app- if they order and don't use the app, it takes me a minute. I can recognize most of the regulars because they usually know my name and make conversation.

And yes, like you mentioned, personalities.

I didn't know I struggled to perceive and recognize faces for a very long time, I thought everyone was the same way. If it had never been pointed out to me, I probably still wouldn't know that I need to do things differently. It's not something that's easy to notice without outside help telling you that no, actually, most people can recognize people they know or even people they've met a few times.

So yes, he sounds very realistic based on my experience. He sounds like he has it pretty severely. And, by the way, the same situation happens to me all the time. And it's extremely embarrassing when it happens.

I make a lot of "I barely recognized you!" jokes with people who know I have face blindness. They aren't extremely funny but it's my way of saying "You've changed something about your appearance" or "Wow, it's been a long time!" I don't know of many face blindness jokes either, it's not something we often have the opportunity to joke about. If he draws people, he might make a joke about "Yeah, this probably isn't the best career" or "I know, don't quit my day job." Or he could do something kind of like Toph Beifong and react to someone else's art with "Don't worry, I think it looks exactly like the person." Maybe if they're looking for someone and he points out a random person like "Hey, there they are!" only for the group to realize he's messing with them?

Maybe you could repurpose some blind jokes and make them about "I can't recognize people" instead of about "I can't see"?

Mod Aaron

[schoolhater]

i agree w this person's perspective i just think there should be some context:

palestinians use a lot of these tricks too. on instagram, palestinians with fundraisers started making videos in english that typically began with "stop! don't scroll" or something to that effect. as people started getting used to that and scrolling past them, they escalated to other tricks, including stitching their fundraiser to viral tiktoks (this happened on twitter too where people would quote retweet viral tweets with their fundraiser). they also asked influencers to make videos for them. having more resources and social capital than the average gazan, a lot of these were more high production, with artwork, cooking montages, makeup, grwms, american english, etc. and this'll be important later: after some time, the influencers started using similar tricks to turn the fundraiser into entertainment, including attaching it to viral trends, guilt tripping, and surprising people with the fundraiser at the end of a "normal" post. <-- a similar process has happened on tumblr as well

fundraising online has always been like pulling teeth. like even before whats happening now. nobody wants to reblog, let alone donate. fundraisers look ugly on people's blog themes. they provide no entertainment value, which is the primary reason people use tumblr. so of course no one reblogs. fundraisers for socially undesirable people (think black, transfem, "third world") get even less attention. a lot of the tricks you see people pulling now (polls as an example) are taken from personal fundraiser posts from the past.

i can say this from experience and anecdotal evidence from my mutuals: people hate looking at fundraisers. even super popular blogs have lost engagement since they started posting fundraisers, and many people have mentioned having to stagger posting fundraisers/post them alongside because people seriously either unfollow, block, or scroll past when they see a long series of fundraiser posts at once.

overall, the difficulty is that the dehumanization of palestinians and sudanese, any oppressed person, is a constant presence that most individuals are completely unable to solve on their own. the fact that these people even have to ask strangers for help in their second language is dehumanizing. thats why, for a lot of people, resorting to tricks like these doesn't feel like a huge problem even though it is uncomfortable.

that being said, someone using a trick to capture attention because they know their humanity is not enough to motivate people to donate, and someone from the imperial core, miles more privileged than them, with more "humanity" afforded to them, using these tricks, is different. neither are capable of undoing the dehumanization of these people, but it is more insulting when the privileged people with more resources perpetuate that dehumanization. it's our responsibility to fight this wherever we can, but i'm not entirely sure where to go from here. cuz the tags are right - it shouldn't be necessary! but every time people try to fundraise it devolves into the same tricks that always work on the internet. so i don't have an solution.