#so i guess im fucking trapped
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another unsuccessful attempt to persuade my mom to stop believing in facebook conspiracy theories and recognize that the world sucks mostly because people just don't care and not because of some malicious hidden agenda -_-
#🐉#im so tempted to tell her she cant contact me anymore because the shit she sends me is borderline cult like#but im literally the only person who ever questions it and tries to get her to see reason#so i guess im fucking trapped
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searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!
#for finncakes.arts dtiys on instagram... i missed you wxs#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#polysho#my ipad did not survive this one its at 3% after like 5 procreate crashes#and sending me visions of it being put down like a dog. Not happening#kirapipi album release im FREE#wxs getting 1 another wanopo comm and 2 a traditional japanese style song. ive been saying they need it. emu deep voice can save the world#I drew emus recent card the untrained but i dont KNOW HOW TO RENDER SNYMORE IDK HOW TO DO IT. SO SHES TRAPPED#in my wip art timeloop for eternity.#tsukasa is pissing me off so bad in this no matter how many times i drew and redrew his head imhe just completely breaks the illusion of#depth i think i actually did alright on rui and emu. i love how theynlook. Went hard rendering tsukasas outfit i guess which.#pisses me off MORE. its NOT THE FOCAL POINT. TSUKASA INHOPE YOUR NEXT LIM HAIRCUT IS EVEN MORE STUPID. YOURE RUINING MY LIFE.#whats supposed to be his hand is so fucked up with the perspective too helppp me just pretend its nenes.#the tonal difference from my ladt post is so funny. fuck you siffrin you stupud cat
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Tick Tock, Teddy-Bear.
#the bastards box wasn’t enough I had to trap this fucker in a hour glass#IM NEVER RENDERING GOLD AGAIN IN MY LIFE I DIDNT LEARN THE FIRST TIME-#anyway guess who’s not dead. sorry I disappeared for a hot sec as you might be able to deduce this one took a while#also life happened lol. I was doing this inbetween uni work a social life and being ill.#I’m not going to reveal how long this one took because I’m genuinly ashamed I put so much time into drawing Ted fucking Spankoffski#just know this might be the most amount of time and effort Iv ever put into a artwork in my entire life#I’m not too mad about it actually because I wanted to make one final big artwork before I turn 20#ted spankoffski#theodore spankoffski#starkid#team starkid#starkid productions#starkid fanart#fanart starkid#time bastard#starkid time bastard#time bastard nightmare time#nightmare time#starkid nightmare time#hatchetfield nightmare time#nmt#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield universe#fanart#my art
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Couldn’t stop thinking about Dust being able to pass as Classic. So I had an idea where Dust replaces Classic in a timeline and steals(?) his partner.
He gets conflicted when he starts actually caring about you… But denial is an easy road to take when there’s seemingly no consequences to your actions.
The reveal i guess. Most normal reaction to learning your partners been replaced for god knows how long and you have no clue where he is.
Now that I think about it I might’ve gotten some inspiration from that one chapter of IJAG by @htsan (iykyk) only a lil bit tho
(Full rambling of the idea + extra sketch cuz i liked the expression) ↓↓
I originally wanted y/n to notice the differences instantly but i think it would be angstier if they didn’t and only noticed like months later >:3
#hoodies are hard#i need to practice more#hrmmm#also i guess the new sona is staying#lol#theres much more to this but basically dust gets attached#he was not prepared to get attached (dumbass lmao)#you may ask ‘oh he can just kill them why does he look so scared?’#hes scared of losing them#hes selfish#theres so much angst potential here hehehoo#the idea of sans just being trapped in a basement unable to teleport out for whatever reason… help him…#dust trying to get information out of him about y/n while taunting him about how easy he is to replace#but theres also a funny side to it cuz like. ‘hey whats your favorite movie again?’ ‘Very funny sans#You know what my favorite movie is…’#Dust who has no fucking clue: ‘ehehe yeah i know im just joking’ *hes actually freaking out a bit on the inside*#sans#dust sans#my beloved#my beloathed#sans x self insert#sans x reader#sans x you#undertale au#fic idea#prolly a oneshot#leafs art#replaced au
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Was going to write a little ficlet to go with this, but. Vaccine tiredness is killer.
A little bit of art for the FOP Nature au by @bunnieswithknives. I cannot recommend checking it out enough.
#art#my art#fop nature au#fop#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop a new wish#fopanw#fop dale#dale dimmadome#he deserves to die in a dimmaditch#body horror#blood#candy gore#Anyway the concept behind the ficlet was going to be basically about Bramble#(because im a dirty little bitch who shoves their oc where they don't belong)#setting up traps in the forest with the intention of not catching actual deer#but rather the rogue fairy disguised as a deer that the fairy council had warned her to be on the lookout for (aka Flowers)#The Council doesnt really give a shit about Bramble or her forest#they just want to make sure Flowers isn't COMPLETELY unsupervised after the Dale Incident#So anyway Bramble does catch something#and its certainly not a real deer#but he's pretty damn sure it isn't another fairy either#(idk why Dale would be in the forest I guess maybe he just went looking for Flowers to fix this and freaked out and got lost? idk)#Anyway none of that is actually canon to the au ofc it was just in my head#and it gave me an excuse to draw a fucked up deer man so like what else could I ask for
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gen loss dump part 2 :]
i have a gen loss playlist so the last two was me hitting randomize and drawing a pic based on the song before it finished. the second one technically isn’t that cause charlie’s inferno isn’t on apple music cause they hate me so it’s way more of the song out of spite because they wouldn’t give it to me.
#spotify is prolly better (definitely is for finding playlists i use spotify to find playlists still and then add those songs to my own lmao#but dad pays for a family apple music subscription and free music streaming is infinitely better then paying for my own spotify#also my wound reference i feel like i let him off easy from the seven foot tall wire security monster#but idk this was drawn a year ago idk what i was doing#like i agree w the vest just being REALLLL bad bruising and internal stuff but i feel like he had wayyyy more open area besides that to get#fucked up besides just his arms#but i guess since the wire monster also got turned off by the button since it didn’t immediately go at ranboo next then maybe that’s still#reasonable idk#generation loss#generation loss fanart#ranboo fanart#continuing my not spamming tags trend so even though i bc puls have tagged all three of them im not gonna#still posting this primarily for me and for everyone else second#OH THE OUTFITS ARE FROM MY PIN BOARDS#I MAKE OUTFIT BOARDS FOR EVERYTHING ITS SO FUN#LIKE EVERY FANDOM IVE POSTED HERE HAS ONE#ITS BAD#and then irl i wear sweats and t shirt lmao#i found mouse trap game board earrings#i spend too much time on those finding highly specific bullshit#the jrwi one is especially cringe cause i have a different section for all of the what ifs#and that shit lasted one (1) episode#also the full color drawing i’m so >:| about it#i need to practice coloring sooooo badly but i always get frustrated w it#i need to slow tf down idk#but thats also from nearly a year ago so
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note to future self before this chapter goes bye-bye: surely elias didnt throw these two in a sack floating down the river while chise was gone because he was sick of having guests. surely silky would know if he did. but keep in mind that youre feeling suspect about it. love, past self
#original#i need to do the immoral thing and start saving these pages to my pc#or else scan the volume when my library gets it#back to the post. i actually think elias has been very praiseworthy and commendable these past few chapters#not because of any of his actions but because of his inactions#can you fucking IMAGINE elias 50 chapters ago allowing FIVE!!!! guests to sleep over for WEEEEEKS#monopolizing chises time and making it so shes sleeping in her own room#for WEEEEEEKS#and theyve already been trapped at the college for MOOOONTHS#im an elias hater at my core i guess but i kind of really have to give him this one#its honestly respectable and i think its excellent subtle character building on yamazakis part#so yeah did he throw them out of the house? who knows#the ancient magus bride
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you can tell they're related to eachother based on their move mastery decisions
#pokemon#pokemon mystery dungeon#cacturne#nuzleaf#spidops#my art#keith#cass#luwel#butcher#cass is keiths mom btw. theyve never interacted before#they'll interact eventually but they remain pretty distant to eachother#like if anything. butcher talks to keith more than his own mom does#(hes like his stepdad basically i guess bc cass and butcher are A Thing)#not that cass is really much of a talker anyways. which. fuck dude keith isnt much of a talker either actually#(keith talks to his friends/family a lot but if youre a stranger he's usually very quiet#he'll be happy to talk about jobs/rescue work/etc but if u talk to him outside of that he's so different)#they'll meet eventually. idk exactly when. probably pre-calamity joining. inch trap gives team brambleweed a letter#not that keith wrote it or anything. he didnt. it was probably guildmaster rime if im honest
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society if the duffers had gone through with their original plan to have mike go to the upside down in s1 to find will
#byler#it's enough for me to know that he WOULD but i still would have liked to see it........ but i guess there's still s5..... sniffles n cries#when will's ankle gets caught in a vine n vecna goes YOINK n u just see mike's eyes go crazy wide as he starts sprinting after him faster#than he ever has tripping stumbling falling in a very mike fashion but he keeps going n he doesn't make it in time but it doesn't matter#it doesn't matter bc he's NOT going to lose will again he's NOT going to lose him on HIS watch a-fucking-gain he won't he CAN'T#and maybe it's a party affair so he looks back at lucas n dustin who are almost there and they're screaming after#him BECAUSE MIKE WAIT STOP MIKE WE DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT WEAPONS but mike just furrows his brow and goes in#bc he's the heart he's the paladin he's going to lead them and he's going to save will because will needs him but also he needs will#and. and um. well. then i fucking die of course#OR COULD U IMAGINE IF will goes on a solo mission and he thinks he's managed to sneak away but mike pops up like 'what are you doing? 🤨'#bc he always sees will and he always knows when something is up and it's a crazy plan but they did say crazy together and that they'd be a#team no matter what and that they would kill vecna so liek. do u see what im saying are u seeing my visions are u feeling my insanity rn .#they get surrounded or trapped somewhere and will casts fog cloud n saves the party like he did in a previous campaign. etc etc#dustin is their bard who has snacks n keeps things lighthearted mike leads the way n will is at his side n lucas is their eyes n ears n it'#almost like one of their campaigns bc the show started with that and those were their roles when will was missing and now it'll end#like that and so on n so forth. nods mhm mhm#takes deep breath ok back 2 studying i go byeeee
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in similar vein to reading watership down and being pleasantly surprised by how hopeful it was i have now finished reading haunting of hill house and have been kind of pleasantly surprised by how. sapphic. it was. i mean its a horror story and has left me with the correct sense of sort of quiet unease and like. im going to need to think about it for a while and like. damn. but it also was QUITE queer in ways i was not expecting going in. so thats fun! (said while thinking about houses and walls and unreliable narrators and dissolving sense of self)
#i shouldnt be surprised i saw this mentioned briefly but. i still am.#like the horrors are happening and are going to happen and thats what im here for but hey! gays. wow. crazy stuff#or maybe its just because i speed read half of verity and the amount of plot inextricably tied to the main character(s) being deeply in lov#w/ attracted to the leading man just makes this seem. refreshing. in comparison#like the gayness absolutely takes a backseat to the uhHhHhhhhH descent into madness and eleanor being consumed by(? merging into? returning#to? etc etc) the house. but. its also IN the backseat yk. like the obsession and the nature of the relationship with theo is an inextricabl#part of the story and its progression even if you choose not to read it as queer.#even if you dont percieve it as SAPPHIC per se its certainly. well. you know. its SOMETHING and IMPORTANT which is what i rlly fuck with#anyway. eleanor gets taken by the house and the walls and its all done using the maze in her mind or w/e. idk how to phrase any of my#thoughts abt this just yet but. fascinating. /fascinating/#sysreading#i guess#haunting of hill house#also theres a show? i knew bly manor was the . gay one but maybe? i should watch....? 🧐 horror show tho...#eleanor is so. flawed and so trapped in her own head and so much at the mercy of her own thinking. and it's hard to say how much of that is#the house influencing her vs the house simply using what is already there and amplifying#eleanor trapped- not just by the house but by her own thinking
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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me when my self sabatoging sabatoges me:
#i accidentally slept through my class and apparently our new project was a partner project and guess who's my partner (it's the fucking Guy)#so now I'm gonna have to work with him for a month and meet outside of class#this is going to go badly for a variety of reasons :)#trapped myself in a fucking romcom I'm so pissed I didn't even want to sleep through my class#tbh there's a good chance we would have been partners anyways cause I don't really have any friends in this class but#yay (suffering)#worst comes to worst if he does something weird I'm gonna go to the teacher#I have no clue if parnter selections were random or not and tbh idk what option would be better in this scenario#lilac post#anyways. im very frustrated
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So for some reason, I thought I would not have to do specialty-specific research to match pulm/crit, and that I could get away with exclusively having medical education scholarly projects. This was probably dumb of me, but I am nevertheless really unhappy to find out I was wrong. I just hate research man. I love science, I love digging into the literature and coming up with good questions and synthesizing information, but I hate performing analysis myself. I especially hate churning out shitty chart reviews and case reports just to pack my resume, and the thought of having to keep doing that during residency makes me wanna throw up. The vast majority of research done by physicians is utter trash (we do not have the time or training to complete meaningful research on our own most of the time!), it doesn’t improve physicians’ scientific literacy, it is just chasing prestige. I hate it. Please please let me work on a project that is actually meaningful.
#I so often feel like the wrong kind of person for medicine purely because I am more focused on teaching and community health#and I do not care about getting in NEJM or whatever#like good for the people who are actually doing good research#I am not one of them#can we not consider that maybe medicine should have multiple types of people with different interests#also I do not have infinite time#so doing shitty research projects takes my time away from actually worthwhile projects that I care about#also like half the reason I switched from neurosurgery was that I didn’t wanna be trapped doing shitty research#just to hang onto an academic job so I can occasionally teach#and it looks like I am trapped there anyway with IM!#god fucking dammit!#i just hate it i fucking hate it#why isn’t it enough to practice medicine and teach residents and med students#why do I have to be a scientist before I can be an ICU doctor#they are different fucking professions#okay I guess I’ll wrap up my rant here#my content#my text posts#medblr#med school#medicine#med student
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If you were a chulip character how would players kiss you?
find and present to me a working copy of Dragon Ball Z Budokai 1 for the PlayStation 2 and you can kiss my stupid ass
#ask#anon#for a more serious and personal answer. idk i imagine you'd have to see and accept me at my weirdest. otherwise NO kisses. NO love.#you cannot 100% the game if you cannot accept me for the weird fucked slop i am#i also deal 98 hearts of damage if you fuck it up. and i wont appear for 30 ingame days. need time to recover.#best hope you didnt leave me as one of the last citizens you had to kiss#you could savescum i guess to bypass the wait time#but deep down id know#the only character in chulip to have a mr resetti mechanic#another silly answer would be that youd have to find a working beta of tf2 with grenades still intact. but thats impossible im afraid.#but even then i dont think i feel that attatched to the beta. its just the researcher in me who wants to see how the viewmodels look#like we know what the dynamite packs viewmodel looks like. but not really anything else im afraid.#we have an idea of what some viewmodels wouldve included with their model#like the bear trap has an unused portion of its UV sheet that displays what wouldve likely been meant to be a chain#so i wonder how a chain wouldve been adapted with the beartraps viewmodel#like is it a cluster of them on the end of the chain and the scouts spinning it.#or is the viewmodel of one with a chain wrapped around the jaws to help its viewmodel have a more solid silhouette#the frag grenade has what i assume to be the uv portion of a pin#im just fascinated by scrapped content i think.#anyway thank you for the ask anon#i kinda wish i had a game i couldve listed with a funnier title but. dbz budokai is the one that sticks out in my mind
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hi. for people who saw gatsby: an american myth. do you remember mckee asking nick for lunch. and then gatsby in like the next scene inviting nick for lunch. because i remember.
#not pjo#chitter chatter#when gatsby was like 'we should do lunch' i was like. hello. fucking. hello. are we. hello.#gatsby really said we just met literally 5 minutes ago. come meet my father figure. normal normal thing to do jay.#to be clear gatsby also asks him to go to lunch in the book. but like. there's a time skip. and also#in the show after mckee asks they immediately start making out on the couch. none of this ... nonsense#so the vibes are a LITTLE different in my brain.#i saw a few people say they didnt think gatsby and nick flirted enough and like while i do think that think part of it is we're#in nick's pov but not his HEAD#he DOES start singing about gatsby's smile for no reason until jordon is like. alright buddy. lets talk about daisy.#like nick was just Doing That. pull it together carraway.#but i got the vibe (JUST my take) that gatsby was like. kinda into nick. zero reason to be leaning into his space like that sir.#however when he actually MET daisy again he became kinda singularly focused on her again#i mean he built his whole lifeup to this moment#he says it at the end. he murdered pieces of himself to bring himself here. for DAISY.#him snapping back to daisy mode makes sense to me but he still reaches out for nick as a comfort in the sense that hes like#nick do NOT leave please stay with us. daisy does the same. and ofc part is that theyre really. fucking awkward. but like.#LET ME HAVE MY OWN NONSENSE INTERPRETATIONS. HES TRAPPED BY WHITENESS AND CLASS AND HETEROSEXUALITY.#hes already so much of an outsider trying to fit in. (i also think he loves daisy or an ideal at least. and she's EASIER to love. safer.)#nick inherently has more freedom even as a gay man in the sense that hes richer and white and an ivy league dude i mean you understand righ#right????????#even if its in the book i do wanna point out the parallels between those moments. im choosing to see it as deeply intentional <3#this show had a lot of repetition and parallels (see daisy and myrtle in a lot of songs and scenes)#(one i LOVE is tom giving myrtle a necklace and daisy later giving TOM her necklace in case he sees anyone he knows. idk love that shit)#im...gonna queue this#im embarrassed to talk about this show so much. so. into the queue it goes!!!#all the worlds a stage#so like. anyway. thats where i think nick's mind immediately went when gastsby asked him for lunch. personal headcanon <3#gatsby after one convo: we're doing lunch // me and nick immediately: oh ok! guess that's a date then!
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also why have we as a society not figured out a way to just stop periods. with no side effects or other issues. just get rid of it. who tf needs that.
#sorry im oversharing tonite I GUESS#i dont wanna be on birth control anymore cuz i have been since i was 14#but a year off it fucked my shit up SO bad im scared to try again#kinda need to be on it for the suspected pcos shit like my period was sooooo irregular that year#everything SO fucked up#but also the pill only fixes the periods didnt help anything else#and i dont wanns be on the pill anymore cuz like. cancer risk and blood clots and i dont want More woman hormone in me :(#but also periods ruin a week of my life every month i cant fucking TAKE IT ANYMORE n the only way to stop it would be to stay on the pill#but i dont wanna. makes me dysphoric#but then periods make me dysphoric and put in sensory hell#GET ME OUT OF HEREEEEEEEEE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE THERE IS NO SOLUTION IM TRAPPED IN HERE#👹👹👹👹👹👹👹#x
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