#so i forced myself awake and am now trying to not go to sleep. and catching my breath my chest hurts a lot from that dream

[nabaath-areng]

the problem with my n24 is that with the clock going around gradually i have periods of being awake at day and periods of being awake at night, but then because i tend to sleep really badly during night time i spend my daytime days being very tired and sluggish, and my nighttime days are much more productive and energetic. but i cant do just anything i want at night, so i cant get as much done as i have the energy and drive to. and then i also need sunlight to feel sane in the head, and so i hate missing out on daytime wakefulness. but then the sun is also why my sleep quality is much better during daytime. if im gonna stuck with a seemingly incurable sleep disorder since birth cant i at LEAST have the sleep be overall consistent? apparently not lmao

[seventh-district]

not even gonna try to contain this vent post within the tags bc i can just feel that i'm gonna yap

for the first time in a very long time, i'm watching an old video of me, age 13, playing with my dog on the kitchen floor. and i can barely handle the envious sight of how absolutely free i was. like, i know i've rewatched this video at a few other points in time in the nearly 12 years since i recorded it, but i've never really watched the full thing, paying as much attention as possible to every single detail.

i initially dug it up the other night because it's one of the only videos i have of Sassy on my current phone, and i wanted to.. see her again. but while i was analyzing every frame of the 3min video trying to drag as much of her memory out of the past as i possibly could, it dawned on me in a way it never has before just how unbelievably free i was behaving.

i was on the floor. touching it, sitting on it, putting my hands down on it and then (to my current self's horror and disgust) putting them on my cheeks, touching my face. i sat my drink down on the floor next to me. i picked Sassy up over and over again and then touched my face and drink and then i picked her up again and actually put my mouth on the top of her head to give her a little kiss. i did all of it without a second thought. it obviously came so naturally to me. i was moving around, interacting with the world around me in such an unbelievably normal way that i barely even recognize myself. and i was doing everything so quickly, too. i had energy. i moved (what seems to me now as) recklessly (though to a normal person it is probably just. normally.) and i just touched anything and did anything and. there weren't any consequences. it was fine.

that was roughly 1.5 years before Sassy dropped dead with zero warning and zero explanation and i developed severe OCD.

my memory is too far gone for me to figure out if the two events were cause-and-effect, or simply happened to take place around the same time in my life. it's not like i kept any sort of detailed log of my developing symptoms so i don't know if i'll ever be sure.

regardless, all i can focus on is how nowadays i wouldn't be able to do any of that. nothing aside from my shoes can come into contact with the floor. and i cannot come into direct skin contact with my shoes. if i find myself in a situation where i have to sit on the floor, as soon as i can get up, i have to remove all clothes that touched it and put them in the dirty laundry, and wash my hands, and if i had to touch my phone after touching the floor, i have to disinfect it. i will under no circumstances touch my face after contacting the floor until my hands are washed. i cannot touch or pet or hold either of my pets without washing my hands and preferably removing whatever clothing they came into contact with.

they are not allowed in my room nor my bed. Sassy slept in my bed with me every night. i never put my mouth on their fur to give them a kiss. i gave Sassy head kisses without a thought. they are not allowed to lick me. i used to find another one of my past dog's 'kisses' on my hands to be very endearing and unproblematic. now if it happens i have to wash it off immediately. anything that gets touched between my hands contacting either pet and being washed, i have to disinfect it.

i mean it with my entire fucking heart and soul when i say that OCD is an insidious disorder. having lived with it for a decade now, i couldn't be more aware of this. but, therein lies the exact point i'm trying to make. in spite of knowing that it has wormed it's way into every single aspect of my life, brain, and personality, it's entire nature is defined by the fact that it will do so, and it'll do it in such a way that the disordered mindset becomes your new normal. it had managed to completely overwrite a lot of my pre-disorder memories of how i used to... operate in the world around me. it has entirely altered the way i do every. single. thing. to the point where i just can't even fathom how it used to be any different. if i didn't have videos like this one to serve as proof that things did used to be different, i wouldn't have any basis for what my "normal" ever even was. it robbed me of those memories entirely.

let's fish one example out of the thousands of different ones i've got siting around: i've spent years trying to figure out how i used to take a shower that didn't take me an entire hour. i have no video of something like that obviously, so it just feels like.. like when i try to envision how i used to bathe myself it literally just goes black in my brain. there's no memory or mental images left in there. i can't fathom it. i mush have just been walking around halfway clean. i don't know. i don't understand how anyone can take a "quick" shower and get out feeling clean. my brain just absolutely cannot grasp it because the OCD is all that's left. it snuck in and completely rewrote the code of who i am and how my brain functions and how i perceive the world and i am never going to get my old self back. no amount of medication or therapy can truly, fully undo the damage it's done to my mind and body.

i mean. i have learned to live with it, barely. i wouldn't really call what i do 'living' but i am. surviving. and some of my obsessions and compulsions have the tendency to fade in and out over time, so i've been able to CBT myself out of some of the most disabling ones. showers take 1 hour now instead of 1.5 to 2.

i can read normally again now, after that period of time around uhh 2018 i think where i could barely read since i had to count the letters of every single word i saw. that was a pretty miserable time and i eventually forced myself mostly out of it. but i still slip back into it when i'm exceptionally stressed, which makes written communication difficult. but it's not like you can just explain that to people and expect them to believe you. but the uh. idk what to call it. OCD cranked the pattern-seeking part of my brain up so far that the metaphorical knob broke off and so the uh. like. the ability for me to notice which words have what amount of letters is always there, i'm just good at overriding it now. that's what 'learning to live with OCD' is like for me. the tracks that it carves into my brain never go away, i just get better at overriding them. but certain stupid little rules never really leave you, like if i'm lengthening a word like turning 'no' into 'noooooo' or 'holy' into 'hooooly' then the new lengthened form of the word has to have a 'good' number of letters like 3 or 7 or whatever my brain deems fit.

i can sit small objects down now without compulsively checking that the surface i'm about to sit them on is clean. ...most of the time. that got really annoying but also embarrassing to be seen doing it. having to re-wipe the counter down every time i'd pick up my water bottle and put it back down. trying to do Anything in the kitchen was an absolute nightmare. and yeah it still takes me a long time to cook anything, and there's countless other compulsions that make me dread the kitchen, and yeah i still can't sit large objects down without thoroughly inspecting the surface below them, and. sigh. there's no making this one sound like it's much improved at all. cause it hasn't

at least the compulsion to re-live and commit to memory every possible detail of my dreams immediately upon waking has left me. that's one rare example of a compulsion that has totally left instead of just adapting to be less intrusive. it was so miserable laying there for ages every morning trying to force any shred of memory out of my dreams and then panicking when i oftentimes couldn't remember anything.

anyways. i could and would have to write a literal book to fit in even half of all the examples of every single compulsion i've ever had in the last 10 years. most of them are still with me. some of them are very.. evolved, but most of them are still with me in one form or another. there isn't a single aspect of the way that i interact with the world around me that isn't heavily influenced by my OCD.

i don't expect to ever get to be that 13y/o kid again. and even back then, i was far from neurotypical. mental things were already starting to spiral for me around 11 or so. but none of my other (numerous) illnesses hold a candle to the disabling effect that OCD had and has on me. it's one of the WHO's top 10 most debilitating illnesses in the world, physical health issues included. i think i heard it ranked at #7, ironically enough. that stat might not still be accurate but i can't help but constantly want to quote it because i think one of the most tortuous aspects of OCD is the inability of those who don't have it to truly grasp how much you're struggling. how bad it is. it's taken so unseriously by the majority of those who don't have it, that trying to get across to someone how much you're struggling feels like this constant uphill battle that you never asked to fight.

one of the most difficult things for me to live with is the knowledge that most people just aren't going to understand. or believe me. and feeling unseen while suffering through immense pain is just. it's maddening. and dealing with that exact issue of struggling so much, both in physical sorts of pain and with mental illnesses, and having everyone around me never take it seriously enough.. it has been such a prevalent part of my life for so long that it just. it's slowly driving me fucking insane lol. not to be dramatic. i know i've got a relatively easy life. but there is always gonna be this invisible, bleeding wound on my soul that gets torn open a little wider every time i have to look someone in the eye and try, exhaustedly, to explain the absolute dumpster fire shitshow that i have to live with in my brain 24/7, only to get some fuckass excuse of a response like 'haha yeah i know what you mean! i'm a little OCD too!' and they just like. like seeing things organized neatly and sometimes experience a passing worry that they left the stove on.

and i just wanna say that 'we are playing life on two very different difficulty levels and i don't think i'll ever be able to get that across to you' but no i have to be nice and downplay it and get along bc it's just not worth it. i'm so fucking tired. OCD is exhausting enough to live with, let alone trying to educate other people on it.

maybe one day ill post that stupid excuse of a poem i wrote regarding my frustration with that exact experience.

but like i said, i don't ever expect this to go away. medication only treats the symptoms and i can only force myself to suffer through so much CBT. this will be with me forever, in a significant capacity. i just hope that before i die, i'll get to know what it's like to have someone look me in the eye and understand. not necessarily from personal experience, but to at least know me well enough to be able to understand how serious i am when i say that OCD ruined my life.

but it might turn out that the only place i'll be able to find that level of understanding and acceptance, is when i look in the mirror.

that might just have to be enough.

[stupid-shithead]

i made myself so distressed by watching shit and imagining other shit that i nearly gave myself a panic attack

[genshinluvr]

Territorial

Pairings: Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Zhongli x Isekai'd!Reader x Neuvillette

Summary: Things seem to be going well when the men from Fontaine moved into the abode. Or at least that's what the others thought. You, however, can sense some tension between Zhongli and Neuvillette.

Note: How long has it been since I've posted something? A year? Over a year? Either way, I am somewhat back! Since I haven't posted fanfics in a long time, the new fanfics will be shorter compared to the previous fanfics. I'm slowly easing myself back into posting fanfics. This fic is most likely awful, but that's okay because it's been a while. Anyway! I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: I haven't written in a while, so, it's probably a shit fanfic LMAO

Word Count: 4.5k

Ever since the men of Fontaine decided to move into the abode, things were relatively fine. The men got along with each other, and there have yet to be any arguments or physical altercations. Yet. However, you couldn’t help but notice a certain someone avoiding one of the new members of the abode. You weren’t sure if everyone noticed the brewing tension between an Archon and the Iudex, but it was subtle yet noticeable (to you). 

The men didn’t have an issue sharing your love, affection, and attention with the others. While there are certain men who can be quite possessive (Childe), it usually never gets out of hand. Or, at least, that’s what you thought. Zhongli has been clingy lately— not that you’re complaining, but it was a little bit unusual because he’s not publicly affectionate. Even if he is openly affectionate with you, it wouldn’t be overbearing. Okay, maybe overbearing isn’t the right word to describe it.

“Maybe territorial is the best way to describe it.” You mutter.

Zhongli hums beside you, looking over at you curiously. “Care to repeat that, dearest?”

You blink, snapping out of your thoughts before rubbing the back of your neck with a sheepish smile. “Oh, nothing! I was trying to find a word to describe a Rishboland Tiger for my word puzzle!” You gesture to the word puzzle book in front of you. 

Zhongli leans toward you, peering over your shoulders and at the word puzzle in front of you. His amber eyes scan the page as if he’s checking to see if you’re doing the puzzle correctly. Thankfully, you are! Zhongli hums, stroking the rim of his teacup, preoccupied with the puzzle book. You rub your eyes before glancing at the clock on the wall. It’s almost eight in the morning, and yet here you are! Usually, you’d be in bed, sleeping the morning away until someone forces you out of bed (the person forcing you to wake up is usually Al Haitham). 

“And territorial would be correct,” Zhongli nods, smiling at you, “you’re doing well.”

You smile shyly before covering your now very warm face with the word puzzle book. Zhongli chuckles, pressing a kiss on the side of your head before proceeding to stir his warm cup of tea. A comfortable silence falls over you and Zhongli. Aside from you and Zhongli, everyone is still asleep in their respective rooms. Well, aside from Childe and Wriothesley because the two men decided to become gym buddies who get up at ungodly hours to workout, spar, and box. Given Childe's past in Fontaine, you can’t help but find it slightly odd.

Heels clicking against the floors of the abode pulls you and Zhongli out of the comfortable silence. Zhongli lets out a long exhale through his nostrils before taking a long sip of his tea, looking elsewhere. You look to see Neuvillette standing at the entrance of the dining area, gazing at you and Zhongli with surprise.

“Good morning, [Y/N], … Archon,” Neuvillette says, stepping farther into the room.

You smile at Neuvillette, waving at the Iudex. “Morning, Neuvillette! I’m surprised to see that you’re awake around this time of day.”

Neuvillette chuckles, pulling a seat out from beside you before sitting. “I could say the same thing for you, [Y/N]. You’re never up this early, but today is different. Why?” Neuvillette looks at you intently. 

A look of surprise flashes across your face before you smile at the Fontainian man. “Zhongli asked me to join him for breakfast, and here I am!”

Neuvillette hums, nodding. “I see. Now, did Deus Auri rouse you from your slumber for breakfast, or was this initially planned the day before?” Neuvillette interrogates.

You blink at Neuvillette and turn to look at Zhongli, who looks visibly annoyed with the Iudex. Zhongli gives Neuvillette a tight-lipped smile before sipping his tea, unanswering Neuvillette’s question. Without you knowing, Neuvillette shoots a subtle glare at Zhongli while Zhongli continues to drink his tea, ignoring the discreet yet heated glare thrown his way. You clear your throat before turning towards Neuvillette, only to see him brushing a stray hair away from his face. 

You can’t help but admire Neuvillette’s long hair. His hair looks so soft, and you kind of want to run your fingers through them. “I wonder what kind of hair products he uses. His hair looks so silky and healthy.”

“Oh, nothing special in particular. If you like to know what I use for my hair care routine, I can show you.” Neuvillette suggests. 

You stare at Neuvillette owlishly, mouth agape. “Did I say that out loud?”

Neuvillette smiles and takes a sip from his chalice while you’re sputtering and looking over at the Funeral Consultant with wide eyes. Should you reply to Neuvillette’s offer? But he has a hair care routine! Wait, if he has a hair care routine, is it possible that Neuvillette might have a skincare routine? Your hand starts to tremble— not out of fear, but excitement and a bit of anxiousness because you accidentally said your thoughts out loud.

Zhongli stares at Neuvillette before placing a hand over your trembling ones. “To answer your question, Monsieur Neuvillette, I invited [Y/N] to breakfast the day prior,” Zhongli says, grabbing Neuvillette’s attention. “Isn’t that right, dearest?”

You smile and nod. “That is correct! Zhongli invited me to breakfast yesterday afternoon! We walked around the abode, watched the sunrise, and here we are!” You gesture to the table happily. 

Neuvillette presses his lips in a thin line, nodding. The three of you continue to sit in silence in the dining room, listening to birds sing in the distance. The more you continue with the puzzle book, the more you become confused. You start to bounce your right leg, tapping the pencil against the booklet, staring at number fifty. 

“How the hell did I get into the Akademiya when I’m struggling with this damn puzzle?” You mumble to yourself.

“The answer is Fortress of Meropide,” Neuvillette says, his voice right next to your ear. 

You pause and look at Neuvillette, freezing, when you realize how close your faces are. You can’t help but notice Neuvillette briefly looking down at your lips before making eye contact with you. If your face wasn’t feeling hot already, then it is now. The longer you gaze into Neuvillette’s eyes, the more you realize how breathtaking he is. 

“You have long lashes.” You mutter.

Before Neuvillette can respond, Zhongli clears his throat loudly. Your eyes quickly dart to your puzzle book, breaking eye contact with the handsome and breathtaking Iudex of Fontaine. Fortress of Meropide, huh? You scribble down the answers, and lo and behold, the words fit into the small boxes perfectly. 

You press your lips into a thin line, looking at Neuvillette from the corner of your eyes. “Thank you for helping me,” you whisper.

Neuvillette hums softly, taking a sip of water from the chalice. “You’re welcome. If you need any other assistance, I am more than happy to help.” Neuvillette says.

The clock ticks away, and you find yourself in another comfortable silence. Only this time, the silence isn’t as comfortable as before. Is Zhongli sitting much closer to you than he was a few minutes ago? Neuvillette keeps glancing over your shoulders, watching you write the answers in the boxes. It’s almost like both men are glaring at each other when you're not looking (they are, but you’re trying your best to act like you didn’t notice the ever-growing tension between the two refined men).

The door to the abode suddenly bursts open, and Wriothesley and Childe enter, drenched in sweat and with a towel around their necks. Childe and Wriothesley stop at the entrance, looking at the three of you with surprise.

Childe points an accusing finger at you three, “Why are you two all up in my snookum’s space?” Childe marches over, huffing and puffing about Zhongli and Neuvillette's lacking manners when being around you— his precious snookums who can do no wrong in his eyes. Wriothesley rolls his eyes, chuckling while wiping the sweat from his forehead with the white towel around his neck.

“Geez, Childe, you can’t hog them to yourself,” Wriothesley mutters, watching the ginger-haired man snatch you up from your seat. 

You’re thrashing in Childe’s arms, swatting at him while muttering how sweaty he is. Childe ignores your protest and drapes his arms around your shoulders, burying his face into your hair. You shudder, feeling his sweaty skin stick to yours— almost melting and becoming your second skin. 

Your nose scrunches up with disgust when you catch a whiff of his sweat. “You’re sweaty and smelly. Go take a shower,” you order, patting his head— only to regret it immediately. 

Childe shakes his head, burying his face into the crook of your neck. “How can I shower in peace when I witnessed my snookums sandwiched between two men who aren’t me?” Childe looks up from your neck, glaring at Zhongli and Neuvillette, who, in return, glare back at him. 

You poke Childe’s forehead. “Can you let go of me? I have a puzzle to finish.”

Childe shakes his head. “I’m not letting go of you until you return my hug, snookums.”

Sometimes, you underestimate Childe’s stubbornness and clinginess. It’s not like you don’t want to hug him! You love his hugs! However, you have an issue with hugging people when you or that person is sweaty— you don’t know why, but you don’t like it and cannot tolerate the feeling of stickiness. You grumble under your breath and reluctantly wrap your arms around Childe’s waist, squeezing your eyes shut when you feel Childe’s sweat seep through his shirt. Childe sighs happily and peppers your face with kisses, making sure to make it loud enough for the others to hear the obnoxious smooching noises. 

“That’s enough, Childe,” Zhongli says sternly, glaring at Childe from where he’s sitting.

Neuvillette huffs, swishing the water in his chalice while muttering, “Have some decorum, Harbinger.”

Childe pauses what he’s doing and glances over at Zhongli and Neuvillette. The two men shoot daggers in Childe’s direction, and Childe can see the veins on their foreheads threatening to pop. With a shit-eating grin, Childe proceeds to do what he was doing earlier— suffocate you with his kisses in front of the very irritated Zhongli and Neuvillette and an amused Wriothesley.

Wriothesley shakes his head, snorting, “He’s just fucking with you two, and you two are letting him win.”

Zhongli and Neuvillette don’t respond afterward; they only continue to glare at Childe from the corners of their eyes. After some time, Childe finally releases you from his sweaty grasp, though not before placing one last sloppy kiss on your face. You give Childe a tight-lipped smile before debating whether you should take a shower or continue your puzzle book.

“Snookums~!” Childe whines, sniffling dramatically.

Wriothesley rolls his eyes with a snort. “You’re even clingier than [Y/N] claimed,” Wriothesley smirks, pushing himself away from the counter before sauntering to where you stand.

You look at Wriothesley, suddenly feeling on edge. Why is he suddenly approaching you with that smug grin on his face? Is he up to something? Wriothesley pushes Childe to the side, causing the ginger-haired man to stumble and glare at the Duke. 

Before Wriothesley can say anything, you hold up an index finger. “What are you up to?” you ask cautiously.

Wriothesley laughs, his laughter sending tingles down your spine. “I’m just testing something. Relax for me,” He murmurs. 

You audibly gulp, causing the man before you to let out an airy laugh, his canines shining under the dining room lights. Wriothesley, now standing three feet in front of you, gestures to you to step forward with his index and middle finger. You inch forward, feeling multiple eyes on the back of your head as you get closer to Wriothesley. 

Once you’re standing in front of Wriothesley, you look anywhere but his face, worrying the smug smile will send you to your knees. Noticing your lack of eye contact, Wriothesley gently grabs you by the chin, tilting your head up. Archons, is the dining room hot, or is it just you? Wriothesley gazes into your eyes, the corner of his lips quirking up. With his free hand, Wriothesley caresses your cheek before chuckling. “My, my. Your face is quite hot. Are you feeling alright, dollface?” 

“You’re up to something, I just know it,” You whisper, narrowing your eyes at him.

Wriothesley chuckles, leans down, and murmurs into your ears, “As I said earlier, I’m just testing something. Do you trust me?” His breath fans your ear and the side of your face, causing goosebumps to form on your body.

He’s up to something, and the alarms are going off in your head. You’re not worried about what Wriothesley is up to! What you’re worrying about is how Childe (and Neuvillette and Zhongli) are going to react to what Wriothesley is going to do. Wriothesley leans down toward your neck, catching a whiff of your lotion and body wash. “Hmm, you smell nice. Are you wearing the lotion I bought for you while I was away in Fontaine?” He pulls away and gazes at you with curiosity, his head tilting to the side.

You can’t help but melt under his gaze. You gulp again, nodding your head. Wriothesley nods and pulls away from you. Wriothesley strokes his chin, gazing at you intently. You can’t help but squirm under Wriothesley’s piercing stare. He suddenly places both beside your neck, tilting your head to the side.

“Good. It makes me happy to know you’re wearing something I got for you. I’ll get you more the next time I return to Fontaine for work,” Wriothesley nods.

Your eyes widen, and you quickly shake your head. “No, no! You don’t have to get me anything, Wriothesley! I insist!” You protest, placing your right hand over his left.

Zhongli clears his throat, grabbing your and Wriothesley’s attention. If Zhongli hadn’t been annoyed already, then he certainly is now. Wriothesley clears his throat before walking away— but not without kissing the side of your head. Zhongli sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering incoherent words to himself. You swallow the lump in your throat before sitting back down. 

Neuvillette hums, stroking his chin. “There is a rather compelling trial that is being held at the Opera Epiclese. Your thoughts and presence would be most welcome should you wish to observe the proceedings alongside me.”

Your eyes light up, and you gasp with excitement. “Ooh, I can!? I would love to join you, Neuvillette!” You squeal, clapping your hands.

It’s not like you’re excited to see someone get possibly executed— what you’re looking forward to is being able to witness how trails take place in Fontaine. Instead of witnessing the trial from behind your computer screen, you get to see it with your very own eyes! 

Zhongli clears his throat. “Dearest, I must remind you that you have some projects to turn in today at the Akademiya.”

Your eyes widen, and the pencil in your hand clatters on the table. Wait, what project!? You have projects to turn in at the Akademiya!? You rack through your brain, trying to recall if you really did have projects that need to be submitted. 

Neuvillette narrows his eyes at Zhongli, raising an eyebrow with skepticism. Zhongli ignores Neuvillette’s stare and proceeds to sip from his teacup. Right when you’re about to open your mouth to question Zhongli, Al Haitham enters the dining room, dressed and ready for the day. 

You sigh in relief, push yourself up from your seat, and stride to the Scribe. “Al Haitham! Can you help me jog my memory really quick?”

Al Haitham raises his eyebrows at you, crossing his arms over his chest. “Of course. What is it that you need me to assist you with?”

“I agreed to go watch today’s trial proceeding in Fontaine with Neuvillette, but Zhongli reminded me that I have a project to submit to the Akademiya today. My issue is that I cannot recall whether I do have a project to submit,” you explain, crossing your arms over your chest while tapping your foot on the ground impatiently. 

Al Haitham strokes his chin, eyebrows knitting together as he tries to recall any conversations he had with you regarding your upcoming deadlines with the Akademiya. Al Haitham nods wordlessly. You deflate and collapse to your knees, lying on the ground while sulking. 

“Eh? What happened to Windblume? They look heartbroken and defeated,” Venti says, strutting into the dining room while smoothing over the wrinkles on his shirt. “Was breakfast with blockhead disappointing?” Venti jokes, propping his hands on his hips.

You sigh and shake your head. You can’t be disappointed about the project submission preventing you from attending the Opera Epiclese with Neuvillette. Your project determines the fate of your future with the Akademiya, and you certainly cannot push the deadline back. Plus, you can’t be upset with Zhongli for reminding you of something so important. 

Venti extends his hands toward you; you grab his hands and stand up. You waddle over to the table and plop down between Zhongli and Neuvillette while sulking over missing the opportunity to witness a trial in person. 

You turn to Neuvillette, visibly disappointed, “Thank you for the invite, Neuvillette. I truly appreciate it, but I must decline your invitation due to pressing deadlines.”

Neuvillette’s gaze softens, reaching for your hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “You do not need to apologize, darling. There’s always a next time,” he smiles at you, “If you’d like, perhaps I can make some dinner reservations just for you and me.”

A hand slams down on the table, startling everyone in the room. If the others aren’t awake, they certainly are now. You look over where the commotion is from, only to see Childe huffing and puffing with a pout. Oh, Archons, you forgot Childe is still in the same room. 

“Snookums! How can you forget about me?” Childe whines.

You laugh nervously and rub the back of your neck with your unoccupied hand. You give Neuvillette and Zhongli a sympathetic look before getting ready to leave your seat to comfort Childe. Before you can stand up, Zhongli grabs your other hand and gently pushes you down, shaking his head.

“No need to console him, dearest,” Zhongli says, shooting a pointed look in Childe’s direction.

Childe puckers his lips and groans, turning around and stomping away. You sigh for the umpteenth time, resting your head on the table. Zhongli and Neuvillette both squeeze your hand to comfort you.

Since that day, things have been getting worse between the two men when you’re in the same room as the duo. Whenever you try to make time with Neuvillette, Zhongli would take that chance to tag along. Now, you’re not against Zhongli tagging along with you, but you’re sort of worried about his safety because of the look Neuvillette would throw in Zhongli’s direction. You’re not sure if the men aren’t aware that you can sense the tension between them, but if they do, they don’t seem to care about it. A week (or has it been two weeks?) passes by, and you’re eating dinner with the men in the dining room.

Usually, there isn’t assigned seating at the dining table since you want to be able to sit next to every person in the abode without leaving a single person out. But for some reason, not long after the men from Fontaine moved into the abode, Zhongli and Neuvillette decided that the empty seats beside you (anywhere you sit at the dining table, pretty much) were theirs to claim.

“But Onikabuto booboo bear! I want you to sit next to me this time!” Itto whines, laying the top half of his body on the table while giving you puppy dog eyes, his bottom lips jutting out before fake crying.

Neuvillette raises his eyebrows at Itto beside you, stroking his chin. “Onikabuto booboo bear? Is that supposed to be a nickname for [Y/N]?” Neuvillette murmurs.

Itto stops his act and looks at the Iudex with excitement, nodding rapidly. Itto quickly removes himself from the table before running over to your side of the table (which took a while because the table is quite long). Once he arrives at your side of the table where you, Zhongli, and Neuvillette are sitting, Itto pulls out an empty seat beside Neuvillette and plops down with a heavy sigh.

“In case you haven’t been, uh, informed about how things work around here…” Itto trails off, scratching his head as he tries to find the right words to say, “We,” he gestures to the men in the dining room, “have pet names for our sweet Onikabuto booboo bear.”

Itto places both hands on his hips; a smug smile graces his face. You snicker and shake your head. Zhongli wraps his arms around your waist and plants a kiss on your cheek, ignoring the looks Neuvillette and Childe are giving him. 

“Oh? Please do tell me more about this, Itto. I have been calling [Y/N] “darling,” are we supposed to have a unique nickname for them?” Neuvillette asks, tilting his head while looking at Itto with pure curiosity.

Itto blinks at the Iudex with wide eyes, “Uh…” he trails off, scratching the back of his head before looking over in your and Zhongli’s direction. “Not really. I guess it depends on preferences! I call them Onikabuto booboo bear because, well, I love Onikabutos almost as much as I love [Y/N]! As for the booboo bear part, I wanted it to be unique for them and only for them. Heh, I bet other people on Teyvat wouldn’t be able to come up with someone as interesting and unique as the nickname I give to my Onikabuto booboo bear!” 

You can’t help but melt at Itto’s response. You know that Itto loves his Onikabutos, and hearing his explanation of the nickname he gave you makes you feel so warm and soft inside. You pull away from Zhongli’s grasp, get up from your seat, and walk over to Itto. You wrap your arms around Itto’s shoulders and rest your left cheek on his head, stroking his hair.

“You’re too sweet, Itto. You’re going to make me cry,” you coo, reaching down to pinch his cheek.

Itto’s face turns bright red as he mumbles incoherent words. Noticing the look that Zhongli and Neuvillette shoot in his direction, an idea pops into his head. Itto wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzles his face into your chest, making sure not to accidentally poke you with his horns.

Kaveh huffs, propping his head on his elbow. “Hey, Abyss Mage, how come you give them more attention than the rest of us?”

“They love me more, that’s why!” Itto shouts, sticking his tongue out at the miffed architect. Neuvillette lifts his hand to say something, but Itto quickly stands up and lifts you from the ground. “Ha! They’re mine now, losers!” 

“Wha— Itto!” You screech when Itto takes off with you in his arms.

How Itto runs away with you in his arms reminds you of a mother cat carrying her kitten, but in this case, it’s Itto carrying you. The men stand up, shouting at Itto and groaning as they watch the Oni sprint out of the dining room with you while laughing manically. 

Baizhu chuckles, rubbing his temples as he watches the other men leave their seats to chase after you and Itto while shouting profanities. “I’ll be getting the first aid kit, just in case something happens,” Baizhu says, getting up from his seat to go to the infirmary area of the abode. 

You should’ve known that Itto is a magnet for trouble, but while he’s running up the stairs with you in his arms, his feet slip, sending you two tumbling down the stairs. While Neuvillette’s tending to your injuries with Baizhu, Zhongli scolds the pouting Oni.

Neuvillette caresses your face in his hands, “Are you alright? You took a hard tumble down the stairs, and I’m worried about the possibility of you sustaining some injuries.”

“I mean, my arm does hurt, but—”

“Do you guys hear that?” Thoma asks.

Everyone in the room pauses, listening closely. There’s a soft pitter-patter sound coming from the roof. The sound isn’t loud, but it’s noticeable if you sit in a quiet room and listen closely. You continue to rub the arm you landed on, trying to decipher what’s making the pitter-patter noise.

“Is it raining?” Tighnari strokes his chin, heading towards the nearest window, while Aether runs toward the window. 

Scaramouche raises his eyebrows at Tighnari, crossing his arms over his chest. “Since when can it rain in the abode? Maybe you’re hearing things that aren’t correlated with the weather.”

Tighnari ignores Scaramouche’s comment and stands beside Aether in front of the window. Aether peeks from between the curtains before turning to everyone else in the room with wide eyes.

“It can rain in the abode?” Aether asks.

You furrow your eyebrows and get up from your spot, clutching your throbbing arm to your chest. Zhongli places a gentle hand on your shoulder, accompanying you to the window. 

Ayato hums, tapping his chin while watching the raindrops pelt the window. “I never knew that the abode can have such weather. It seems like the rain is getting heavy.”

“Now that I think about it, I believe that it has been a bit gloomier these past few weeks,” you murmur, staring at the dark gray skies from the comfort of the estate with the men who care about you.

The men look at Zhongli before looking over at Neuvillette, who ignores the others' burning holes in his head as he drinks his water elegantly. Zhongli lightly taps your shoulder to grab your attention. You look at Zhongli quizzically while he examines your injured arm with discontentment. 

A small smile appears on Zhongli’s face as he caresses your cheek with one hand. “Let’s get your injury checked. I’m sure Doctor Baizhu has yet to complete the examination.”

Lightning crackling across the sky and thunder filling the air startles everyone in the abode. The heavy rain seems to have gotten worse, and it doesn’t seem like it’ll get better any time soon. Aether clears his throat and gets between you and Zhongli with a polite yet awkward smile. “I’ll take [Y/N] to see Doctor Baizhu, Mister Zhongli.”

Before Zhongli can respond, Aether quickly whisks you away while avoiding the stares from Zhongli and Neuvillette. Baizhu and Aether rush you to another room while the men remain in the same spot, not moving a limb.

Dottore snorts, shaking his head, “Who knew these two men are childish.”

Neuvillette and Zhongli glare at Dottore. A tree branch knocks against the living room window as the rain pelts the roof and window. 

Note: Finally posted something after so long! 😭 The fanfic is most likely awful, but I kind of want to make a part two for it, but I'm not entirely sure if I should. Man, since this is posted, now I have to plan what else to post... aside from the HSR fanfics. I think I'll post a fanfic for HSR instead of Genshin this upcoming week, but I'm not entirely sure. I might change my mind, but who knows. Anywho! To all my new and returning readers, keep in mind that I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

I didn't initially plan on have a taglist for this fic, but since someone requested to be tagged in this fic, I will tag them! Taglist for this fic: @rubyninja1

Read more of my works on my Masterlist / Masterlist 2 | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! I might post all of my stories on there too, but who knows. You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^

[lady-z-writes]

Zoro x Reader

In which reader can't sleep and Zoro's keeping watch...and then can't stop watching 👀

Cw: smut (18+), afab, alcohol consumption, swearing, groping, vaginal fingering, handjob, sex, creampie.

(Takes place after Thriller Bark, but nothing too spoiler-y. Why am I so embarrassed to post this? Anyway, I hope you don't hate it.)

It's late.

The only sounds are the waves crashing, quiet snores from the crew, and a few footsteps on deck.

Zoro opens an eye, glances toward the noise to see you making your way over to a rail and looking at the water. Silently, he watches you pull a hoodie over your head, yawn, then lean down, your hands cupping under your chin.

"It's late," he says, startling you. "You should sleep."

Upon further investigation, he notices it's his jacket you're wearing - one gifted to him from Water 7 after all that crap with the crew's belongings. He scoffed when he saw it, hadn't put it on more than once, and now that he thought of it, he'd left it in the kitchen.

Thief, he half laughs to himself.

Opportunist, he knew you'd correct.

"I'm up. I can keep watch. You need some rest." Your voice isn't groggy from sleep, clearly you'd been awake for some time now.

Zoro's body aches, a dull sensation he's grown used to, but his position on the deck isn't exactly comfortable. And given recent events, he knows he needs more time to heal.

You don't know the extent of it, but you sensed something was off with Zoro - moreso than normal.

"Can't sleep?" He ignores your offer.

"I...yeah," the look on your face is haunted.

He's silent again, observing.

"Some creepy shit on that boat, huh?"

It's almost like he sees you settle at his acknowledgment; your shoulders loosen, a sigh leaves you, you deflate.

"We've been through some crazy shit, absolutely, but that was...nightmare material."

Zoro nods slowly, silences.

"We're safe, though, right?" Your voice is a whisper.

He nods stiffly, "mhm."

You look misty-eyed and Zoro is almost uncomfortable. "Look, I don't know what happened, but something doesn't seem right. Please. Get some sleep."

He doesn't argue with you, like you expected. But he also doesn't get up to go to bed. Instead, the headstrong swordsman leans back against the mast, hands cradling behind his head, and is snoring in minutes.

---

When he wakes up, the sunrise makes him squint. He's stretching his aching joints when he notices you're still nearby, a blanket thrown over your lap, steaming cup of coffee in your hands, Sanji flailing at your compliment on the brew, and an enormous Franky-sized shadow plopped next to you commenting about the sunrise.

Despite all of this, you hear him get up, turn your attention to him, and for some reason, it...warms something long dormant in him.

"Good morning!"

He can't shake the damn feeling all day. Not when he scurries away to work out, not when Chopper insists on checking his wounds again, and certainly not when he runs chest-first into you when rounding the corner away from the infirmary.

You stumble back as his reflexes force his arms forward to grab you.

You're nearly topless and his cheeks heat up at the sensation of touching your skin.

You're so soft...

"S-sorry! Oh my God, Zoro!"

"What're you doing?" He nods down at you now that you're not toppled over. He crosses his arms, figures that will help him forget.

"A few of us are swimming. You should join."

"Hm."

"I'm sorry if I overstepped last night. I just...worry, I guess."

His eyes take you in and you feel so transparent under his gaze. Your skin heats up.

"Don't worry about me."

"Got it. I'll just shut my brain off then." You look almost irritated, flustered, defeated.

"It's not like that, y/n..."

"No, you're right. I overshare. I need to keep things to myself; take one from your playbook."

You try to move passed him, but he steps in your way. Doesn't put his hands on you again, you notice.

"You're insufferable," he speaks quietly. Your jaw drops. "So why the fuck can't I stop thinking about you?"

A moment passes between you two. You're too stunned to speak. Seconds later, Zoro side-steps you and walks away.

---

Zoro figured everyone was swimming in the inflatable pool from the soldier dock system - not pulled out on the grassy deck.

Zoro sighs, thinking he'd have peace staying away from it all, but as he's making his way to the crow's nest, Luffy calls him over and begs him to swim.

He locks eyes with you and you almost choke on the wine you're sipping.

"Fine, I'll stay," he removes his shirt and shoes, seats himself beside Luffy, shoves his feet in the water, and reaches past you to grab the bottle of wine.

Bold, you think.

But his expression tightens when his fingers accidentally brush your hip.

You're smirking behind your glass and it pisses him off.

This isn't some game, he thinks.

But after your concern about him last night and the attention he's noticed you're giving him...there's something stirring and he hates it.

Franky splashes you, knocking you from your daydream and you react instantly, setting your wine glass down, launching yourself at him and wrestling him in the pool.

Zoro watches, drinking from the bottle, tells himself he's not noticing the way the water drips down your skin, or how your playfulness with Franky stirs jealousy in him.

What the fuck was wrong with him today?

Shaking his head, he leans back, stares at the passing clouds, steadies his breathing.

"Bro, tell her how strong I am. Tell her she won't win!" Franky calls to Luffy, tossing you in the water. You're gasping for air, pulling up between Zoro's widespread legs as the splash of water from Franky's toss covers him.

What. Are. The. Odds?

Zoro feels himself blush as your dripping wet self emerges from the water.

You lock eyes.

You steal the bottle from his hand, take a long drink, never breaking eye contact, then splash him right in the face.

"That does it!"

Zoro is bodying you into the water.

"No, not the wine!" You whimper, trying to hold the bottle above water as you're tackled.

It feels good, the cold water. Feels even better when he grips your hips underwater, drags his thumbs across your skin, and hears your sharp inhale.

So you're feeling it, too?

Interesting.

It becomes sort of a test, to Zoro, to see how far he could push things before the tension snapped

Over the next few days, he catches you looking at him, especially when he's shirtless or working out - which is often.

You see him stealing glances at times, sometimes when you and Franky are interacting, especially when Sanji is near you.

Then there's a late-night drink you sometimes have - some rum mix Sanji makes you, but you insist on being alone in the aquarium bar. He honors it, always, just the two of you knowing you're down there...or so you think.

You enjoy watching the fish, the calm of the swaying ship, the crew asleep. It helps when the nightmares get you.

Only tonight, you hear footsteps.

"Sanji, I told you-"

Only it's not Sanji.

Zoro stands, hands in pockets, an eyebrow raised.

"You expecting Sanji?" There's a tone to his voice. His little tiff with the cook is humorous most days.

"No." You feel your heart rate increase.

"What, exactly, are you doing alone down here so often?"

"Are you watching me?"

"Keeping an eye," he corrects.

"I enjoy the ambiance down here."

Zoro nods, seats himself beside you on the red bench, stares at the fish.

"Even now?" He's got a teasing tone to his voice and you suddenly can't take it anymore.

One swift movement, you straddle his lap, set the drink on the back of the cushion, and lace your fingers in his hair. Your lips hover over his. The tension increases.

You pause.

"Do it," Zoro's gruff voice speaks quietly.

"You sure?"

"What, you afraid you can't handle me?"

Immediately, you're liplocked, kissed with a hunger you've never experienced before.

You grind down against his growing erection and he groans.

"Tease. You're such a tease."

"You've no idea," you mutter between kisses.

It's like Zoro is in a competition with himself; each kiss better than the last.

You're experimenting too; gripping his hair and nipping his lower lip to see what'll get those sexy noises from him again.

"Maybe this'll get you outta my head," Zoro hums, breathless when you trail kisses down his chest.

"Agreed. You're driving me crazy."

"Feeling's mutual," he grunts when you palm him through his pants.

"Fuck and get it out of our systems?" You suggest.

He freezes. Had he thought of that? He wouldn't like to admit it. He hadn't expected you to make the suggestion.

His hands reach under your skirt, fingering for your panties.

"Here?" You hiss.

"Yes, here," he grunts. "Why not?"

You really can't argue.

Especially when he's managed to get your panties off and has his fingers buried inside you, palm pressing against your clit like you like.

"Ah, so this is how to shut you up."

You give him a glare, but it's half-hearted.

"Just fuck me already."

"Hmm, such a dirty mouth," he presses harder against your clit. "Gotta warm up first, sweetheart," he speaks against your neck.

You hate that he got you so close so quickly.

"Zoro..."

"Hm?"

"I need you."

"I know you do. Now do me a favor and cum on my fingers, then I'll let you cum on my cock."

His words send you spiraling. You never knew he'd be like this.

You're gasping his name, riding his fingers as you come undone on his lap.

He's all too pleased with himself, seems confident until you say "my turn."

He won't last, he can tell from the first touch of your bare hand on his throbbing cock.

He hisses an inhale, tries hard to hold it together as you start stroking him.

"Fuck, I can't wait," you hum after a few moments.

He's almost praising your name as you slide down on his cock.

His head lolls back against the cushion as your fingers grip his shoulders and you ride him.

Feels nice to have you do all the work, as his body's still aching from the events on Thriller Bark.

Feels nice to just enjoy something for once, to not be in his head about training or strength. It's almost an out-of-body experience when you're taking him.

"Hey. Back here, wild one," you whisper against his ear. "Where'd you go, just now?"

He hums, "nowhere good."

"Then..." You pull back, speak, "right here," against his lips, and kiss him slowly, grinding down on him then shifting your hips up...back down.

It's bliss, he realizes.

Any other experience - shall he call it - he's had, it's a power thing; him topping, him working both parties into oblivion. Had he ever had someone just...please him like this, he wonders?

"Oi!" He yelps when you bite his collarbone. There's an echo from his quick smack of your ass.

"There you go again..." You shake your head, lick the reddening bite mark. He shudders. "Don't you want to stay with me?"

You're right. You're so, so right and he nods against your forehead as you pick up speed.

The sound of skin slapping together drags his attention lower, watching your bodies come together. He lifts up your skirt, groans, presses his thumb to your clit.

You don't take much longer to cum on his cock, the moment consuming Zoro's attention - the way you gasp for him, how your nails dig into his biceps, the look of your tits as you throw your head back and ride him.

"Okay," he huffs. "I'll give you those. Bet I'll get one more outta you before I'm done."

You huff a laugh. "I'll bet. Pretty cocky, huh?"

He laughs at your joke.

"Oh, I am."

It's not exactly the ideal place for this, but Zoro tosses you down easily - shifts his knees on either side of you, the red cushions squeaking against naked skin. His aching body protests, but he thinks of it as a workout as he pounds into you - kisses down your body, every bit of exposed skin.

He's distracting himself so he doesn't end this little dalliance too soon.

"Up," he taps your thigh, pulls out.

He stands, ready to have you suck his cock, get you nice and worked up with no stimulation.

Only you stand, turn, raise the skirt, glance over your shoulder, and bend forward.

Coy. Cute.

He's back inside you in seconds, unwilling to let you win this one.

"Tease," he accuses again.

"You're too much fun," you laugh.

The playful lilt to your voice is gone soon, as he gives you his all.

You're too stunned to speak; only heaved breaths and soft moans.

When he feels you orgasm again, his grip on your hip tightens.

"Okay, sweetness. On your knees," he grits out.

You look back, shocked, defiant.

"Zoro. Please."

It's all you need to say, because the way you're pushing back on him and begging, he's already too far gone.

He cums with a growled breath against your neck.

The two of you pause, breathing together in the afterglow. His hands remain on you moments too long, he's sure, but he wants to remember this, wants to pull back to it on those lonely nights.

"So," he huffs a laugh, "I won."

"Jerk."

---

It becomes addicting, this thing.

He's constantly in a state of wanting to improve, even in this.

And you're an eager participant, only trying to help.

😏

[jadeshifting]

i want to shift tonight but i literally haven’t legitimately tried in years. honestly i just want the freaking accomplishment of TRYING at least

if you could give me the most simple mundane steps to even get close to like a relaxation state or feel any symptoms, that would be literally perfect because im a train wreck and i can’t handle complicated instructions

with love,

aves

MY LOVEEE AVES sorry i didn’t get to this until right now, i’m not sure if our time zones are different but i wish i could’ve helped you last night, when you sent this ask i was drunk and eating a gyro on a sidewalk 😔

i completely understand where you’re coming from !! i feel like i have my nighttime routine pretty down, so i’d be happy to give u my lil routine, BUT a couple disclaimers first:

— you don’t need any routine to shift !! sources like early shifttok kept trying to brainrot everyone into thinking they had to do their skincare, clean their room, do their homework, drink a gallon of water, etc etc etc before bed in order to shift. that’s dumb, ignore everyone who said that

— i totally get what you mean when you say you haven’t legitimately tried in years. i fall victim constantly to the “don’t try at all to avoid the disappointment of ‘failure’”, like if i make no attempt at all, then i didn’t fail at anything when i wake up in my CR in the morning

the way i got past this was by “attempting” every night. and i don’t mean laying there and trying to force myself to stay awake while i counted backwards from 100 or anything like that. i mean deep breathing, loosely (BIG emphasis on loosely) visualizing where i’ll be waking up, and telling myself ‘i’m in my DR.’

the first step to the mindset shift is that ‘attempts’ don’t really exist, only whether or not you’ve fully and truly decided you are in your DR

there’s plenty more i could say on this topic, which is farrrr more important than the night routine itself, but i’ll get into what you actually asked for now:

— DRIFT & SHIFT ( a teensy little night routine for the girlies who have a hard time chilling out )

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

( your night routine won’t determine whether or not you shift, but it certainly helps if you’re relaxed, and that’s what this routine is for )

DAYTIME PREP .　　. 　 ˚　. throughout your day, do robotic affirmations. it’s a great thing to get in the habit of doing in general—murmuring to yourself, humming, or just silently repeating them to yourself in your head. “I am shifting every second.” “I am a master shifter.” “I am aware of my desired reality.” “Shifting is less than effortless.” feed your subconscious the important stuff all day, not just at night

1 .　　. 　 ˚　. PHONE ON SILENT — the moment you decide to start winding down and focusing on relaxation. i mean it. not even vibrate. SILENT.

2 .　　. 　 ˚　. HOT SHOWER — i always feel my most relaxed when i crawl into bed after taking a burning hot shower. the sigh you let out when you’re squeaky clean and wrapping yourself in your comforter means you’ve reached an entirely new plane of relaxation

3 .　　. 　 ˚　. STRETCHING — you don’t even need a yoga mat, you can do it once you’re already laying down. alternatively, you don’t even have to stretch, just systematically go through each of your body parts and make a point to relax them. regardless of which you do, the objective is to release any physical tension from the day. sink into your bed like you’re being pulled down into a cloud

4 .　　. 　 ˚　. SOUNDTRACK — put on something in the background, it truly doesn’t matter what—whatever feels right. it could be positive frequencies, a subliminal for shifting, ambient sound that connects you to your DR (hogwarts common room ambiance, forest or ocean sounds, etc. i’ve found some real gems on youtube before), or just soft music playing. quiet enough so it doesn’t distract you, and you can sink into it

5 .　　. 　 ˚　. SCENTTRACK — my reasoning for spraying various perfumes, lavender blend sleep sprays, or body mists before i go to sleep isn’t just for relaxation, it’s also for distraction. in my experience, if something in my environment is different when i’m laying down to sleep (a different smell than i’m used to, for example) makes it much easier to convince myself that i’m aware of another reality—which is the name of the game, really: believing it

6 .　　. 　 ˚　. DEEP BREATHS — my favorite part, and the most important part. nothing in the whole world will get you more relaxed than laser-focusing in on your breathing—in, out, in, out. you’re already in your DR

let go of the pressure and let yourself float into that in-between state where dreams and reality start to blur

goodnight, shifter. sweet dreams and even sweeter DRs :^)

.　　. 　 ˚　. this guide is for anyone, but this DISCLAIMER IS FOR AVERY MY DEAR SPECIFICALLY — you get in your head about this sort of thing and overthink it. no tip or trick or routine is the “secret” to shifting. your mindset and your affirmations are the key, here. i hope this guide helps you relax for bed before shifting, but what you should be focusing on is tending to your precious subconscious and its tightly held beliefs. you’ve already shifted 🫶

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Hello! How are you? Hope you're doing good. I was wondering if I could request a Poly!Pastics x reader where the reader is a HUGE people pleaser and R does everything for everyone and it got so bad to where R stayed awake for three weeks straight to have time to make everyone happy. The girls have enough and force force their girlfriend to sleep and not stress over other people?

Sorry if it's too much or top specific.

Whats One More?||

|| Poly!plastics x fem!reader

(i myself am poly!)

|| Warnings: swearing, super long, Reader's absolutely exhausted, Regina being Regina, comfort (i dont think there's too many, if i missed something lmk)

|| Summary: Reader keeps helping out everyone to the point where it begins to effect her sleep schedule. Ms. Norbury notices and brings it to the attention of the plastics, who comfort Reader and get Reader to sleep.

Requests open!

Started: April 20th

Finished: April 21st

~~~

To say you were a people pleaser would be an understatement. You weren't sure if there was a better word to describe it, maybe... doormat? You couldn't say no to save your life. It was a genuine problem that often spiralled beyond your control. Well, you could control it. If you just said no. But that was mean. You hated the thought of anyone hating you, so you worked overtime to make sure that never happened.

Today was no different.

"Hey, Y/N! Wait up!" Shane Omen yelled your name from across the hall as you stood at your locker, making you internally groan. You didn't like Shane but you never showed it. You forced out a smile as you looked at him.

"What's up, Shane?" You asked, keeping your tone your signature calm one. As opposed to the internal screaming that was going on in your head. Why couldn't he just leave you alone? You had been having an amazing day before he showed up.

"Mind doing my homework for me? I'm just so busy this week that I have no time for it. Oh, and my buddies too. I'll pay ya." He smirked at you, clearly trying to use whatever charm he could muster. This wasn't the first time it's happened. His friend had walked up next to him, holding a large stack of papers up to his chest which you could only assume was the entirety of Shane's friend groups overdo homework.

You held back a sigh.

"Yeah. When do you need it done by?" You asked. Reluctantly. You hated the thought of doing all that extra work, but then again you hated the thought of someone hating you more than you hated the idea of doing the homework. So you'd do it. On top of your own you already had to do, plus you had promised Karen you'd help her out with hers.

"This Friday." He replied, gesturing for his friend to give you the work. Which he did. He practically shoved it into you.

The sudden weight added to your binders almost made you stumble, this Friday? It was fucking Wednesday. That gave you two nights. Shit, you'd have to pull all nighters in order to get this done, your own work, AND help Karen. Maybe Karen should come first, since she was her girlfriend. Restart.

Karen, your own work, and Shane's shit. That's the order you gathered in your head. You could help Karen out tonight, get your own work done after and get it all done in one session so you could focus the rest of the day tomorrow on Shane's stuff. Yeah, that could work.

"Yeah... I got it. You don't have to pay." You smiled at him, he gave your shoulder a playful nudge. Sure, the money for your time would be nice. But you hated the thought of taking someone's money. Even if it was Shane Omen's.

"You're amazing, Y/N!" Shane and his buddy walked off, high fiving each other and clasping their hands together with a smirk. You rolled your eyes and readjusted the papers and your binder with your knee. Sighing at the sight of the stack you now held.

Finale bell went, showing the end of the day. Which you were grateful for.

You moved the papers and binders to one side so you could hold it with a single arm comfortably. Then opened your locker with your now free hand, holding your knee up to keep the papers from slipping. Grimacing slightly at your awkward option as you pulled your bag from your locker, stumbling back as the bag came out. Though your balance was caught by Gretchen, who gave you a soft smile and held you as you gathered your footing. Slinging the bag on your shoulder then holding the papers with both arms again.

"Thanks, baby." You smiled at your girlfriend, Karen quickly came up behind her and smiled at you.

"Y/N!" She gave you a quick hug, you kissed Karen's cheek since your hands were too full to hug her back.

Gretchen looked at all the stuff in your arms and raised an eyebrow," What's all that?"

"Shane's stuff. He needed some extra help." You explain briefly, not giving too many details. Gretchen narrowed her eyes at that. You were helping Shane? Shane Omen? Why?

She was going to ask more, when Karen suddenly frowned and interrupted.

"You're still helping me tonight, right?"

"No yeah, yeah of course! Come over to mine when Regina drops us off, okay?" You assure her, feeling a little bad for making her think you wouldn't be able to help her too. Even if it was an accident. As for Regina dropping you off, she pretty much always takes you to and from school along with Karen & Gretchen.

Karen smiles gratefully at you and pulls you in for a kiss, you happily kiss her back and Gretchen takes a photo of the two of you.

"That's so cute! It's going on our shared insta." Gretchen says with a little squeal, opening insta on her phone and going to the shared account you all have access to. She posts the photo with the caption: look at these cuties 🥺💕

You break the kiss and smile at Gretchen, your group text then goes off with a text from Regina.

|| Regina: where the hell are all of you?? I'll leave you here if you dont hurry your asses.

There's a pause before another text comes in.

|| Regina: YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING OUT WITHOUT ME

You laughed when you read that one, Gretchen giggled too and you glanced at Karen with an innocent grin.

"She must've seen the photo." You say with a laugh, the girls nod their heads in agreement and the three of you head to Regina's jeep. You didn't want to keep her waiting longer than you already have.

At the jeep, Karen and Gretchen got in the back while you took your usual seat in the front next to Regina. Who was already looking at you expectantly.

"Just a sec," You tell her, attempting to stuff your binders and additional papers into your bag so they didn't blow away when Regina drove. Considering her jeep had no doors, something you found awfully inconvenient.

Regina groans and rolls her eyes," Ugh. Why do you have so much extra papers anyway?"

"Helping Shane." You reply, part of you had wanted to lie because you knew Regina wouldn't like the answer. But if she found out about the lie (and she always does) that would've made things way worse.

Regina looked offended," What? Seriously? Why the fuck?"

"He asked and I couldn't say no.." You admit in a mumble, making Regina narrow her eyes at you.

"You gotta work on that. Seriously, Y/N." Regina says, you finally get everything to fit in your bag before you looked at her with a frown.

"You know, Regina's right Y/N." Gretchen pipes up, leaning forward and resting her arm on Regina's back seat as she looks at you with a concerned gaze." You take on way too much from other people."

"But they'll get mad if I say no." You respond, turning your gaze to Gretchen for a moment.

"So? Fuck them, let them get mad." Regina shrugged and grabbed your chin, making you look at her before kissing you roughly. Your eyes widened at the suddenness of it but you melted into the kiss. She broke it off and wiped your bottom lip with her thumb, smirking at you," You owed me a kiss."

You blushed deeply and she laughed at your reaction, shaking her head and starting up her car.

"You're too easy. But fuck, Y/N. You gotta stop letting people walk all over you. You're not a fucking doormat." Regina's words may have been harsh, but they were the truth. You did need to stop letting people walk all over you.

~~~

But maybe not today. It was now Monday. You had managed to get everything done for Friday, much to your own sacrifice. You haven't slept a wink since Tuesday night before everything happened. And you were starting to feel it. Sure you could have slept on the weekend, but your girls dragged you around to house parties both Saturday night and Sunday night. You stayed sober to keep an eye on them and be the designated driver and you probably could have slept when you got them home, but you wanted to make sure nothing happened throughout the night. So you've been awake for almost a week straight. It was hell.

Today you had Chess Club, an extra curricular club you had chosen. You managed to get your girlfriends to agree to let you do it, Gretchen had put up a bit of an argument but when she saw how good you were at the game she let it slide.

You sat in your usual spot at the library, a chess board in front of you as played off against your best friend; Flow Scotts (short for Florence). You guys had met when you joined Chess Club, having been paired together day one. The two of you were a pretty even match and would face off against each other frequently, which built the friendship between the two of you.

You studied the board as you rubbed one of your eyes, plotting your next move while trying to stay awake. She already had you in check with her bishop, so you moved your own bishop to block hers. With the Queen defending the bishop it was a solid move, if she decided to take your piece blocking your King you could safely take hers with your Queen. sorry to the non-chess nerds who aren't going to really understand my rambles here.

Flow made a huff sound and you laughed, smiling at her when someone comes to sit next to your table. You didn't recognize him, so you assumed he must've been new to the Club as he watched your game with an interest only Chess Club members seemed to have in their eyes.

Flow blinks and looks up from the board, getting distracted from whatever strategy she had been forming in her head." Can we help you?"

"Oh! Hi! Um, Mr. Rapp told me I could come join you guys here. And like observe and maybe play winner. I'm James." He introduces himself, you and Flow glanced at each other and you shrugged.

"Alright. This is Flow, I'm-" He stops you with a smile.

"Y/N. I know, everyone knows. You're dating the plastics." James says, you sighed. You hated when people called them that. They were so much more than 'the plastics' behind closed doors.

"Right." You nodded your head.

"Also, I'm still sort of new to Chess and Mr. Rapp said that one of you could help me out with like extra chess lessons after school?" James continued on, you glanced at Flow.

"I have soccer practice after soccer today." Flow looks back at you. Flow didn't play soccer, she clearly just didn't want to tutor him.

"Yeah, okay. I'll do it. Meet here five minutes after the bell." You tell James, who gives you a grateful smile.

You had a test you had wanted to study for after school and a project you had wanted to use the school lab computers for, but now you were stuck tutoring James. You figured you could just pull another all nighter to get the work done. What's one more?

~~

Well, one more turned into many more. It's been a total of three weeks since you last had a decent, solid sleep and it was really affecting your grades. People just kept asking things of you and you couldn't tell them no. It was bad.

Ms. Norbury was the first to notice your grades dropping, as your grades in math were pretty solid. They weren't mathletes worthy but they weren't completely low either. You averaged a 75%, which had now dropped down to 68% with your lack of sleep and focus in class.

You were currently in math, which was your fourth period. Trying desperately to pay attention and not fall asleep. Though at one point you droop so low your head hits the table, startling you into a more upright position as people stared at you in confusion. Ms. Norbury narrowed her eyes, sleeping in class wasn't like you. She was sure something was wrong.

"Okay, everybody take 5." She says, people get up and head out while she walks over to you.

"Y/N? Everything alright?"

"Just tired." You tell her in a mumble, you weren't a mumbler.

"Honey, when was the last time you slept?" She asked, crouching down in front of your desk to get a better look at you. She frowned as she saw the dark circles and the very evident exhaustion.

You simply shrugged, to you her voice felt far and distant so you had to put all your remaining energy into hearing her. You couldn't remember the last time you had a good sleep. You knew it had been a while ago, though. All your days just felt as though they had blended together.

That concerned Ms. Norbury further, she debated if she should just send you home at this rate. After all it was just fourth period and she was sure you'd have people in other classes who could get the work you missed.

"Come on, Y/N. How about we call one of your parents and have them come get you?" She said softly, knowing a good sleep at home would be what you needed.

When you heard that you shook your head, you knew your parents wouldn't come get you. Even if you had been throwing up they'd tell you to tough it out.

"They wouldn't.." You say in a mumble, Ms. Norbury frowns at that and tries to think of a plan B. She knew the various cliques and which students hung out with who, so she knew you were close with the plastics. The question was which one would be come get you? Little did she know any one of them would do it in a heartbeat.

She sighed quietly to herself and stood up," Alright, just wait here." She tells you before heading to the class phone and giving someone a call. You weren't sure who.

About five minutes pass before Gretchen comes running into the room, when she saw you she paused and looked at Ms. Norbury. They seemed to have some silent conversation, no. Their mouths were moving. You just couldn't focus enough to hear what they were saying.

You slumped back in your seat and your eyes started to close, exhaustion catching up to you when you felt hands on your shoulders and looked to see Gretchen watching you with worry all over her face.

Gretchen had known that something was wrong. She knew it from the start, but every time she tried to talk about it with you you would just say 'tired' and nothing else so she gave up pressing you on it. She knew she should have tried harder to get the information out of you.

Even Regina had tried too at one point, she noticed when you weren't fully present in a conversation she was having with you. You just kept replying with 'mhm' 'uh huh' and so she tested it by saying 'I dont know what to wear to school tomorrow, think I should go topless?' you replied with a simple 'yepper' and that basically confirmed for her that you weren't listening. So, when she asked what was wrong after getting your attention, you just replied 'tired' to her too. She didn't think to press further.

"Y/N, are you listening?" Gretchen asked, a frown on her lips after she had snapped her fingers to get your attention. You blinked and looked at her.

"Huh?" You didn't realize she had been trying to talk with you.

"I'm taking you to Regina's, Ms. George will come get us." Ms. George was your backup. If one of you needed to go home for whatever reason or just wanted to skip and relax, she always said that she would come get you girls," I texted the groupchat and told them what was going on. They're on their way over, just hang tight. Okay?"

You nodded and not too long after all three were standing before you, Ms. Norbury was back at her desk. Letting you girls have your space.

"You look exhausted." Karen points out. Leave it to Karen to point out the obvious.

Regina narrows her eyes at her and sighs before looking back at you, resting her hand to your cheek and rubbing it gently with her thumb. You lean in a little closer to her touch," Why haven't you been sleeping?"

"Busy." You reply, unable to gather enough energy to say more. The three exchanged looks.

"Busy with what?" Regina replied, she knew you had your Chess Club, tutoring Karen, and your own work on top of that but she didn't think that was enough to get you this tired.

"Helping people." You explain, talking simply again. She groaned at that. That's what caused this?

"Baby, I thought I told you to say no?" Regina takes her hand off you, you feel the warmth leave and you almost slump forward on your desk. You'd been using her hand as support. Her hands rest on her hips as Gretchen catches you and keeps you up, giving your forehead a soft kiss.

"Mean." You respond.

"Excuse me?" Regina looked offended, thinking you had called her mean. You shook your head and desperately looked at Gretchen to translate.

Gretchen tensed, racking her brain to think of what you meant," Did you mean saying 'no' was mean?"

You nodded.

"That's not mean. You can always say no, that's what Gretchen says to me all the time." Karen pipes up, Gretchen gives her a soft look and nods in agreement.

"Y/N/N, you're allowed to have boundaries." Gretchen tells you," is it really worth it if it's doing this to you?"

You were going to respond but there was a knock at the door, you glanced at it and saw Flow there.

"Hey, Y/N. I would've texted but I was walking by here anyway, you coming to Chess tonight?" She asked.

Regina scoffed and folded her arms," Absolutely not. Fuck off."

"Regina, language!" Ms. Norbury narrowed her eyes at the blonde who rolled her own.

Flow tensed at Regina's harshness and looked at you. Gretchen scrambles a response.

"What Regina meant is that Y/N is just super tired, she's going home to rest tonight. Right, baby?" Gretchen looked at you. Expecting you to agree.

Regina looked at you with a look that was basically commanding you to tell Flow 'no'. You hated it.

"Resting tonight..." You grumbled, continuing to speak in simple terms.

Flow's gaze shifted to concern but she nodded her head," okay.. let me know how you're doing later, alright?" She left after that.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Regina kept her gaze on you.

"Awful." You shook your head, disagreeing with her which makes her scoff.

Soon enough, Ms. George comes and picks all three of you up. Bringing you to their place. You were brought to Regina's bed by your girlfriends, who all snuggled up with you in bed. Gretchen on your right, Karen on the left and Regina on top. You easily fell asleep once Regina started giving your neck soft, soothing kisses. Your girls stayed close to you.

You slept for a solid 24 hours and some.

[pbaz7]

AN: Hi guys, this is my first time writing and posting on here but I felt inspired. Let me know what you think and if it’s any good. I have so many ideas so I want to know if I should keep writing!

It’ll Always Be Her

It’s 6:52 AM, and though her “girlfriend” lies next to her, Paige can’t stop thinking about Azzi. Usually it’s Azzi who occupies this spot next to her, and it’s a lot easier to relax. But last night, Paige hadn’t been feeling great, and she didn’t have the energy to push back against Jess. (It;s a familiar pattern, one that explains how Piage ended up in a relationship with Jess to begin with.) So when Jess insisted that Paige needed to be taken care of, all Paige could do was mutter something inaudible under her breath and collapse face-first into her pillow, forcing herself to sleep earlier than usual.

Now, here she is, wide awake an hour and a half before her alarm is set to go off. Not because she’s ready to face the day, but because she’s uncomfortable with Jess snuggled so close and because her mind won’t stop swirling with thoughts of Azzi, her curly headed best friend. Over the past few weeks, something has shifted between them. Their looks have become more intense, their fingers linger on each other for just a second too long, and there’s an undeniable tension that always leaves Paige wanting more.

She glances at her phone- 7:23. Great. She sighs and tosses and turns, hoping to wake Jess so she can escape the bed as soon as possible. But when Jess begins to stir, she presses her face deeper into Paige’s side and wraps her arm around her waist, holding her tighter. The gesture feels so innocent, so natural… and yet, any touch that isn’t Azzi’s these days feels wrong.

With a frustrated breath, Paige swings her legs off the bed, sitting up quickly. She’s already done with this, already done with the suffocating warmth of Jess beside her.

The movement is enough to wake Jess fully. She blinks up at the time, then at Paige. “Baby, come back to bed. Jess says, her voice thick with sleep, trying to coax Paige back under the covers. “It’s so early.”

Paige doesn’t meet her eyes. She’s focused on the dresser, pulling out a sweatshirt, but her tone is dry when she responds. “I can’t. I’ve got to get to the gym.”

“Come on,” Jess whines, pushing herself up onto her elbows. “You have plenty of time. Please. Just five more minutes.”

Paige pulls on her sweatshirt, the irritation creeping into her voice. “I can’t Jess. I’ve got a full day. Practice, classes, homework. Endorsements to deal with. I don’t have time for this.”

Jess’s face falls. She gets out of bed slowly and steps toward Paige, “You’re acting like I’m some kind of inconvenience. Is it a crime to want to be intimate and spend time with your girlfriend? You’ve barely glanced at me in weeks. What’s going on, Paige? I miss you. I miss us hanging out.”

Paige feels anger welling up inside her now even though she knows she’s being unreasonable. She spins around, facing Jess. “You don’t get it, Jess,” she snaps. “You forced your way into my room last night. You know you never sleep here. I wasn’t asking for your ‘help,” I wasn’t asking for you to be here. You just–” She stops herself, trying to breathe through the frustration because she knows Jess hasn’t done anything wrong, but the words keep spilling out. “I didn’t want this. You didn’t even give me a choice.”

Jess recoils, her face flushing with a mix of hurt and confusion. “What the hell are you talking about Paige? I just wanted to be there for you. I didn’t force myself on you.” Her voice shakes now, the hurt beginning to show. “You’ve been shutting me out, and now you’re blaming me?”

Paige runs a hand through her hair, exasperated trying not to hurt the girl anymore that she already has. “I’m not blaming you, Jess. I’m just saying you’re not giving me any space. “I’m not your project to fix.”

Jess steps back. Her expression hardening. “So, what? You’re just going to keep pushing me away? Because I’ve been nothing but patient with you, but you’re acting like I’ve done something wrong.”

Paige’s breath quickens, her heart racing, “I’m not shutting you out. I’m trying to figure things out. I can’t breathe with you constantly hovering.”

Jess stares at her for a long beat, clearly struggling to process everything. Then, her eyes narrow, and her voice lowers. “ I get it now, It’s her isn’t it?”

Paige’s entire body freezes. Her pulse spikes, and her stomach drops. “Don’t. Don’t bring her into this,” she says, her voice strained. It’s a warning, as everyone knows how protective the blonde is of Azzi. But it’s too late. Hess’s words hang in the air like a cold gust of wind.

“I see the way you look at her. I’m not blind, Paige. It’s so obvious–maybe you need to be more honest with yourself.”

“Don’t bring her up,” Paige snaps, her voice sharp and brittle. She’s seething now, every fiber of her being reacting to the mention of Azzi. “You don’t know what you’re talking about so maybe you should just leave.

Jess’s face pales, her lips trembling with a mix of anger and hurt. But she doesn’t say anything else. She just grabs her things, slinging her back over her shoulder with a sharp motion.

Paige doesn’t look at her as she heads toward the door. She can feel Jess’s gaze on her, but she can’t bring herself to meet it. She’s still shaking, her anger, guilt, and confusion all rising to the surface.

“Fine,” Jess mutters as she reaches the door. Her voice is small, but there’s a venom in it now. “I’ll give you the space you so desperately want. I’ll talk to you later Paige.”

The door clicks shut behind her, and for a long moment, Paige doesn’t move. The weight of everything crashes over her, and the room feels impossible quiet.

She doesn’t know how long she stands there, fighting the wave of emotions, trying to push down the rage, the guilt, the ache in her chest. She runs a hand through her hair, trying to breathe, but all she can think about is Azzi, The way her heart races when she’s near her. The way their eyes meet and everything else seems to fade.

…

Paige slings her gym back over her shoulder, her steps brisk as she tries to shake off the lingering weight of her argument with Jess. She’s almost to the door when she nearly collides with Ice, who’s leaning casually against the wall, earbuds hanging from her neck.

“Whoa, slow down,” Ice says, raising an eyebrow. She’s in her usual attire, a tank top and sweatpants, her hair pulled into a messy bun.

Paige mumbles an apology and moves to step around her, but Ice doesn’t budge. Instead, she gives Paige a long, knowing look.

“Heard everything this morning,” Ice says, her voice low. “Thin walls, you know.”

Paige freezes, her face flushing.

Ice shrugs, a faint teasing smirk playing on her lips. “I’m just saying, it doesn’t take a genius to see that something is building with you and Azzi.”

Paige’s stomach flips at the mention of Azzi. “There’s nothing going on,” she says quickly, but the defensiveness in her tone betrays her.

Ice raises her hands in mock surrender. “Hey, whatever you say.”

With that, she saunters off toward the kitchen, leaving Paige standing in the doorway, her thoughts swirling.

…

Paige pushes herself harder than usual, the basketball's relentless rhythm doing very little to quiet her mind. The music connected to the gym’s speaker halts as her phone buzzes, and she goes to grab it during a water break. It’s a text from Azzi.

Azzi: Morning sunshine. You survive the apocalypse?

Paige smirks despite herself and quickly types back.

Paige: Barely. Already at the gym.

Azzi: Damn, overachiever. You running from something superstar?

Paige hesitates before replying.

Paige: Just needed to clear my head. You free?

Azzi’s response comes almost immediately.

Azzi: For you? Always. Come by whenever.

Paige feels a flicker of relief mixed with anticipation. She fires off a quick See you soon before tossing her phone into her gym back. For the first time that morning, a small part of her feels lighter.

…

Later, Paige finds herself standing outside Azzi’s door, heart pounding. Azzi opens it with that easy, infectious smile that makes Paige’s pulse quicken.

“Hey, gym rat,” Azzi teases, stepping aside to let her in. “ You didn’t even shower first? Bold choice.”

Paige rolls her eyes but smiles. “Don’t push your luck.”

They settle on the couch, the tension between them noticeable even in the mundane moments. Azzi sits close with her arm draped along the back of the couch, fingers brushing against Paige’s shoulder, trying to soothe the older blonde. It’s casual, but it sends a jolt through Paige.

“So,” Azzi begins, her voice soft but curious as she knows the only thing that can possibly cause her to be upset this early in the day is Jess. “What happened with Jess?”

Paige exhales, running a hand through her hair. “She’s upset. Think’s I’m shutting her out.”

Azzi titles her head, “Are you?”

Paige sighs, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her sweatshirt. “I don’t know. Maybe. Everything just feels…off with her lately.”

Azzi leans back, her fingers trailing casually over the seam of the couch. “You know, Jess never really liked me,” she says, her voice light, but her eyes sharp.

Paige shifts uncomfortably, already sensing where this is headed. “She’s just…territorial.”

Azzi snorts. “That’s one way to put it. From day one, she’s acted like I’m some homewrecker.”

Paige frowns, the memory of that first awkward meeting flashing in her mind. Jess had been cold, almost hostile, when Paige introduced her to Azzi at a team party months ago. Their tension was palpable from the moment they shook hands–Jess’s grip a little too firm, her smile a little too tight.

“She was threatened.” Paige says finally, her voice low. “And honestly? I didn’t know how to handle it. I wasn’t expecting her to call herself my girlfriend out of nowhere.”

Azzi raises an eyebrow, her lips curving into a sly smile. “So, you just went along with it? Classic Paige. Always trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Paige exhales sharply. “I didn’t want to embarrass her. And it wasn’t a big deal at first. We barely see each other with my schedule.”

Azzi leans in, her gaze intense. “But now?”

Paige doesn’t answer immediately. She’s too focused on the way Azzi’s eyes linger, the way her voice dips when she asks the question. The truth is, things are different now. Ever since Azzi started pushing boundaries–lingering touches, inside jokes that felt a little too intimate, the way she’d lean in close during quiet moments–Paige’s world has felt off-balance.

“It’s complicated,” Paige mutters, though even she knows it’s a cop-out.

Azzi titles her head, her tone both teasing and pointed. “Is it? Or are you just scared to admit what you really want?”

Paige’s heart skips a beat. “What are you getting at?”

Azzi shrugs, her smile softening. “I’m saying that maybe it’s time you stop worrying about everyone else and figure out what you need. You’ve been letting Jess call the shots, but what about you?”

Paige doesn’t respond immediately, her mind racing. She knows Azzi’s right. For months, she’s been coasting, letting Jess dictate the terms of their so-called relationship while keeping her own feelings bottled up, But now, with Azzi in the picture, those feelings are impossible to ignore.

“I don’t want to hurt Jess, she’s done nothing wrong” Paige says finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

Azzi’s expression softens, but there’s still a spark of determination in her eyes. “I know. But you can’t keep living like this, Paige. You deserve more than just going along with something because it’s easier.”

Paige meets Azzi’s gaze, her heart pounding. The air between them feels electric, the unspoken tension crackling like a live wire.

“You’ve been different lately,” Paige says suddenly, her voice quiet but steady. “More confident. More…direct in a sense.”

Azzi smirks, leaning in slightly. “You noticed?”

Paige swallows hard. “Yeah. Hard not to.”

Azzi’s fingers brush against Paige’s, a deliberate, feather-light touch that sends a jolt of warmth through her. The tension between them is palpable, thick enough to cut with a knife, Paige can barely breathe her pulse thundering in her ears. “Maybe I got tired of waiting for you to see what’s been right in front of you this whole time.” Deciding to be a little bold in this moment Azzi continues her voice low and teasing. “You know, it’s kind of funny. Jess is always worried about me stealing you awake.” She leans in just slightly, her smirk deepening. “If she only knew how easy you make it.”

Paige’s eyes narrow, her lips twitching with a reluctant smile. “You’re such a pain.”

“Maybe,” Azzie murmurs, leaning in closer. “But you like it.”

Her voice drops into a playful whisper, and Paige can’t help but laugh, though it comes out a little breathless. Azzi’s confidence is intoxicating, her presence magnetic. Paige feels herself drawn in, like a moth to a flame, even as her mind screams at her to keep her distance.

“Azzi,” Paige warns, though her tone lacks conviction as she glances quickly at Azzi’s lips.

“Relax,” Azzi says softly, leaning back slightly but keeping her hand close to Paige’s. “Just messing with you, P.” Her eyes flicker with amusement, but there’s a softness behind them too, something deeper than Paige can’t ignore.

Paige shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts. “You really have no off switch, do you?”

“Not when it comes to you,” Azzi replies without missing a beat. She stretches her arms along the back of the couch, her fingers lightly grazing Paige’s shoulder again. “But hey, if you’re not ready to face the truth, I'll back off..for now.”

Paige smirks, leaning back into the couch. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re still here,” Azzi counters, her grin widening.

Paige rolls her eyes, but she can’t deny the truth in Azzi’s words. She’s here because, despite everything, this is where she feels most at ease. Most herself.

“Alright, enough of your games,” Paige says, her voice more lighthearted now. “Pick a movie.”

Azzi grabs the remote, scrolling through the options. “Fine, but you’re not allowed to complain if I pick something you hate.”

“Just pick something, Azzi,” Paige teases.

With a mischievous glint in her eye, Azzi settles on Frozen. As the opening credits roll, she shifts slightly closer, her arm still resting along the back of the couch, fingers now absentmindedly playing with a strand of Paige’s hair.

Paige lets out a soft laugh, shaking her head. “You’re insufferable.”

“And yet, you’re not running away,” Azzi teases, her voice playful but with an edge of truth.

Paide doesn’t respond, her focus on the screen but her thoughts completely elsewhere. The warmth of Azzi’s touch, the sound of her laugh, the way her presence seemed to fill every corner of the room– it’s all too much and not enough at the same time.

For now, they style into the movie, the tension simmering just beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to bubble over.

…

Later that evening, after leaving Azzi’s apartment, Paige stands in front of her dorm mirror, adjusting her sweatshirt. The number 35 emblazoned across the back–a familiar sight on game days, but tonight it feels different. It’s Azzi’s sweatshirt, one she had thrown on without thinking before heading over to Jess’s room. She swallows hard, already dreading the conversation ahead.

When Paige finally knocks, Jess opens the door with a tired expression. Her eyes immediately flick to the sweatshirt, and for a moment, her jaw tightens. She leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, her voice laced with sarcasm.

“Nice sweatshirt,” Jess says, her tone sharpy but quiet. “Azzi’s right? Gues you managed to check that off your long list of things you ‘needed’ to do today.”

Paige feels her stomach drop, guilt mingling with irritation. “Jess–” she says with a warning tone, not wanting the girl in front of her to bring up her best friend.

Jess raises her hand, shaking her head. “Don’t. I don’t have the energy for this right now.” Her voice is weary, the edge from before softening into something more fragile.

Paige’s brow furrows. “What’s going on?”

Jess steps back, motoning for Paige to come in. She sits on the edge of the bed, running a hand through her hair. “Something happened with my family,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I have to go back home for a few weeks.”

Paige blinks, the weight of Jess’s words settling over her. “What? Is everything okay?”

Jess shrugs, her gaze fixed on the floor. “Not really. My dad’s in the hospital. It’s serious, and my mom’s barely holding it together.”

“Jess, “I’m so sorry,” Paige says, her voice soft. She moves to sit beside Jess, hesitating before placing a stiff hand on her shoulder.

Jess offers a small, tight smile. “Thanks. I just..I need to be there for them, you know?”

Paige nods. “Of course. You should be with your family.”

They sit in silence for a moment, the tension between them shifting into something more somber. Finally, Jess exhales deeply and looks at Paige. “I hope we can figure things out when I get back. I hate feeling like this..like weren’t not on the same page.”

Paige’s chest tightens as she knows exactly how she feels. “Me too,” she says quietly, though the words feel hollow.

Jess gives her a lingering look, then stands. “I’ll be gone early tomorrow. Just..take care of yourself, so we can figure us out, okay?”

Paige nods again, standing. “You too, Let me know if you need anything.”

Jess offers a faint smile, but her eyes betray a mix of sadness and exhaustion. “I will.”

As Paige steps out of the room, the door closes softly behind her, leaving her alone in the hallway. She leans against the wall for a moment, taking a deep breath, before heading back to Azzi’s room. In her chest she feels a mixture of guilt and relief, but she pushes them both aside as she walks down the hall.

…

When Paige returns to Azzi’s apartment, Azzi greets her with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. She leans casually against the doorframe, arms crossed, clearly enjoying herself.

“Well, well,’ Azzi drawls eyes flicking to the sweatshirt Paige is still wearing. “I see you decided to have the talk with Jess while rocking my number. Bold move.”

Paige sighs, stepping inside. “Don’t start.”

Azzi chuckles, closing the door behind her. “I’m just saying, P. You’ve got some interesting fashion choices for serious conversations.”

Paige rolls her eyes, but she can’t hide the slight flush in her cheeks. “It wasn’t intentional. I just grabbed something before heading out.”

Azzi steps closer, her smirk softening into something more playful. “Well, intentional or not, you look good in it.” Her eyes sweep over Paige, and her voice drops slightly. “Really good.”

Paige’s breath catches for a moment, her heart pounding as she feels the tension between them crackle to life again. She tries to brush it off with a nervous laugh. “You’re insufferable.”

Azzi grins, taking another step closer until they’re just a breath apart.”And yet, you keep coming back.”

Paige doesn’t have a clever comeback this time. She’s too focused on the way Azzi’s gaze lingers on her, the way her fingers lightly brush against Paige’s wrist, sending a jolt of warmth through her.

“I can’t think straight around you.” Paige admits softly, almost to herself.

Azzi’s smile deepens, a mix of satisfaction and something softer. “Good,” she murmurs, her fingers trailing up to toy with the hem of the sweatshirt. “Because I like you exactly like this.”

Paige swallows hard, her pulse racing. She doesn’t resist when Azzi gently tugs her toward the couch, but instead of sitting down, Azzi stops, tilting her head toward the bedroom.

“Come on,” Azzi says, her voice low and inviting, “Let’s get some sleep. You’ve had a long day.”

As they step into the room, Paige pauses feeling a mix of anticipation and nervous energy, Azzi, catching the hesitation gives her usual reasoning smile but gentler.

“Relax,” Azzi murmurs, her voice low and soothing. “You know we’d never do anything while you’re with Jess. We’re better than that.”

Paige feels a mix of relief and guilt that swirl inside her. Azzi’s words aren’t just reassurance– they’re a reminder of the trust and respect that anchor their connection. She nods slowly, her heart steadying a little.

“I know,” Paige whispers, her voice almost breaking.

Azii offers her a small, understanding smile before gently tugging her toward the bed. “Now come on. Let’s get some sleep.”

Paige lets herself be led, but once they reach the bed, she takes the initiative. She slips under the covers and, before Azzi can settle, gently pulls her down beside her. Azzi raises an eyebrow, but before she can say anything, Paige wraps an arm around her waist and tugs her close, resting her chin on Azzi’s shoulder.

The room falls into a comfortable silence, their breaths syncing as the tension from earlier melts into a quiet intimacy. Paige tightens her hold slightly, her fingers brushing against Azzi’s stomach, grounding herself in the moment. A

Azzi tilts her head slightly, her voice soft. “You’re really something, P.”

Paige smiles, her heart full in a way she can’t quite describe. All thoughts of Jess are completely absent from her mind. “Goodnight, Az.”

“Night, superstar,” Azzi murmurs, her voice laced with contentment.

In the safety of each other’s arms, they drift off, the unspoken feelings between them lingering like a promise in the quiet night.

[honeychamomile1]

Not So Pretty

JJ Maybank x ex!fem!reader

Summary: No one, I mean no one, can be okay after a break up and that is just something that is shown to be proven not told.

Warnings: Light violence, mention of glass shattering, drinking underage (it’s JJ after all), crying, comfort, etc.

Note: Part three of “Pretty” series! I hope you guys enjoy! Also, @sunndroppp this is my apology for being so late! Please forgive me lol. :)

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John B

“John B.” I heard in a sing-song voice, a tiny laugh escaping the person who was trying to disturb my sleep.

I opened my eyes with great effort, eyes fluttering a couple times before I had a clear visual of who was interrupting my slumber.

“Whoah, what the heck, man?!” I blurted, sitting up quickly, pulling the blanket with me to cover myself with its warmth.

JJ Maybank was standing over my bed, his face previously only a couple centimeters from mine. He laughed, mouth opened wide in a smile as he startled me awake.

“It’s nothing personal, I just wanted to wake my buddy up.” He explained, chuckling again.

For a second I almost questioned why he was acting this way; acting like everything was okay after he abandoned the one girl he truly loved, but I couldn’t know how he deals with his feelings, and I didn’t want to ruin his day by bringing it up; the last thing I wanted was to uncover feelings he previously buried.

Instead I only rolled my eyes, reaching up to rub the sleep out of them. My mouth opened in a yawn. “What do you want, JJ?”

He smiled and nudged my arm with his elbow. “Don’t know, you tell me.”

I glared at him. “You’re telling me that you woke me up for no reason at all?”

He smirked but his lips wavered. “Not for no reason, you can still make me breakfast now that you’re up.”

I grabbed the nearest pillow I had nearby and threw it at him, the object successfully hitting him right in the chest.

“Make your own breakfast, Maybank.” I teasingly snarled, and he laughed, walking out of the room so he wouldn’t annoy me further.

When I later went down stairs, I saw JJ sitting on the counter, a beer bottle in his hand. The same hands she used to kiss and hold, guiding him where she wanted to go while giggling at his complaints.

I laughed half-heartedly. “Already drinking somethin’?”

JJ huffed, a smile being forced on his lips as he looked at the glass in his hand, almost like he didn’t realize it was there until now. “Yeah, I guess so.”

My eyebrows furrowed, confusion flooding my senses. “You okay?”

He bit the inside of his cheek, taking off his hat with his free hand, ruffling his hair strands before putting the cap back on. He then seemed to flip his usual emotion switch on, a very forced smile stretching his lips. “‘Course, why wouldn’t I be?”

I felt a look of uncertainty surround my features since I couldn’t help but show it. No one, I mean no one, can be okay after a break up and that is just something that is shown to be proven not told.

“Nothing,” I started, and felt a sarcastic comment come up my throat. “Not like you just broke up with someone or anything.”

JJ’s jaw clenched, giving the impression his teeth were clashing together uncomfortably. It twitched, not seeming to be unlocking any time soon. “Shut up.”

Normally when JJ told me that kind of stuff I would laugh and refuse to do so, teasing him by pushing his shoulder. He would normally give me that kind of come-get-me-grin, testing me once again to see if I’d dare to make my response something along the lines of ‘make me.’

But this was serious, his voice stern as he looked, more like glared, at me. His hands turned white as he squeezed the beer bottle’s neck. For some reason my chest tightened in fear of it shattering, picturing glass particles everywhere like flickering lights. Of course, I knew JJ was strong but not that capable capable to break a glass bottle, but the fear was sitting in me nonetheless.

“Why?” I asked, confusion taking a seat next to the fear in my chest. “I am telling the truth, aren’t I?”

JJ’s jaw was still locked, eyes set on a wall across the kitchen, silently asking it a question and waiting for it to answer.

“Aren’t I?” I repeated, trying to squeeze the answer out of him like squeezing the juice out of a lemon, and I awaited the sour response of the truth.

“And what if you are?” He suddenly snapped, blue eyes making sharp eye contact with mine. I didn’t flinch, for I couldn’t do so, and I wasn’t scared enough to do it in the first place. There it was, the sour taste on my tongue.

I am never scared of JJ, and today will not be the time that changes.

So I stood my ground, looking in right back in the eye as he continued his outburst. “That doesn’t change anything, because I’m over it.”

His voice was so straight, straight as a line, not wavering whatsoever. But I knew him, and that last part of what he said had a dip in tone. “Yeah right.”

He slapped his eyes away for mine and back to the wall in front of him, legs swinging softly back and forth. His boots that still covered his feet-the fact alone bothered me a little- softly hit the cabinets below the counter, it closing and opening, closing and opening, closing and openi-

“Stop that will you?” I blurted, gesturing to his feet but instead is stopping he just jumped off the counter all together, setting the beer down on the surface he was previously sitting on and starting right for me.

His hands, the ones she used to hold grabbed me harshly by the shoulders, a face with nothing but rage fight in mine. His eyes darkened, they shined with anger as he dove me to the ground, the harsh kitchen floor beneath me.

A flashback to when we were younger, his tiny body squealing with laughter as he playfully pushed me down, the grass smacking my back as I attempted to wrestle back.

But this moment wasn’t playful, and if I didn’t stop him, I felt the growing fear he would actually hurt me.

“Hey, hey, hey!” I shouted, grabbing his shoulders and pushing him off me. I met his face, his eyes, and saw soft tears laid over them.

“Hey, man, what’s wrong?” I asked him softly, our legs bending to stand up again, my hands still on his shoulders to hold him steady.

“I-…sorry.” He swallowed, his hand lightly pushed mine off him before shooting to his hair, the blond strands being tangled within his fingers. I was worried he was gonna pull his hair out the more he pulled; I could almost feel the harsh tugs on his head on my own.

“Hey, no need to be sorry, tell me what’s going on.” I assured, and I felt my eyes following his body as he walked further into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he roughly rubbed at his eyes, making the areas red quite quickly.

He then covered both his eyes with his palms, fingers touching both of his ears. “I-I broke up with her.”

This is information we both already knew, but seeing him with this much emotion flowing within him it wasn’t something I didn’t expect. I often believe that this was a stage of healing, of communication about one’s feelings before they discuss what the next step will be. And that part right there, the statement that JJ made, was a topic sentence to ease into the deeper meaning on why he broke up with her, not just the statement of action.

“I was so stupid, B.” He grumbled out, each breath he took seeming to increase pressure on his face with his hands.

I didn’t say anything, I chose not to, for I was worried I would interfere too much with the non-stop emotions flowing through him. So I stayed put, my feet gluing themselves to the ground on their own. I could have stepped forward, touched his shoulder affectionately and attempted to provide some comfort, but that would make him uncomfortable, and that was one of the last things I wanted. So I continued to stay put.

“Breakin’ up with her like that,” he continued to ramble, eyes still covered with his hands as he shook his head, disappointed with himself. “She must be broken, man.”

This time I wanted to respond, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, Pope was talking to her; he said she was crying.”

JJ shook his head harder. “Don’t.”

“Sorry, but it’s true.” I pried, my feet deciding to unstick and step forward, getting only a little bit closer to him. He needed to know the truth; what he did to her.

“I’m so upset with myself.” He said suddenly, clearly wanting to change the subject, and once again the statement is true. Gonna be honest, he was stupid, and he does look upset, so both statements just add to the pile of negative thoughts that are running through his head.

“Why’d you do it, man? Because I know it wasn’t because you stopped lovin’ her.”

“Not like I ever could.” He grumbled once again, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He finally took them out of his hair, I noticed almost right away, his strands left pointing to and fro in the air.

“Stop avoiding the question.” I stated. I had enough. I know I reacted confused and determined before, but now I’m feeling impatience forming within my chest, replacing the previous emotions. I want him to answer me, and I want him to answer me right now.

He sighed. “It’s stupid.”

“Yet stupid things have good outcomes?” I quoted the motto he claims all the time, raising an eyebrow, testing him.

He huffed, right hand coming to his hair strands again. “My dad.”

The words were breathed out roughly, and I was lucky I heard them because I don’t think he would want to repeat it if I asked him to.

“Look, I get it man, but you can’t break her as a way of protection.” I informed, knowing how wide of possible reactions he might have, but I say it anyway. Because not only did it need to be said, but also he isn’t protecting her in the right way.

“I know, but it was the only way I could think of, how else am I supposed to protect her? Let him beat her up like he does to me?”

I couldn’t help but step back at his outburst. My mind was so blank it couldn’t even picture it, the man who called himself JJ’s dad laying any sort of hand on her.

The thought couldn’t help itself but slip into my brain, picturing his hands on her, pure fear in her eyes as she cried for help, begging for her lover that left her broken inside.

“Don’t talk like that.” I ordered at him, forcing myself to erase the image from my mind.

“Well if I haven’t broken up with her, that imagine would’ve become reality. So I left her.”

The fact that he shrugged afterwards, like the answer was that simple; almost like it was normal for him to do that.

“What about the whole time you were together? You weren’t worried about your dad then.”

“Well he wasn’t exactly mindful of her was he? He knows, John B,” JJ almost snapped right back at me.

“Does it even matter at this point, does it, J? I know you’ll do anything to protect her.”

“Yeah, I do!” He blurted. “And that thing I did was leave her. She deserves someone better, someone whose father doesn’t beat them up. Someone who can love her and not worry about his father hurting her.”

I couldn’t help it, I pulled him in towards me and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, bringing him into a hug.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay,” I whispered.

“Y-you were right, I’m not okay. I-“ he paused, a shaky breath aruptintg in his chest. “I miss her,” he breathed out in a soft whimper.

It was a soft moment, a side I didn’t really see of JJ except when we were kids and he scrapped his knee.

He learned to dig it deep down within himself as he got older, but I always knew that certain things made him crack, and she was one of those things. One of those beautiful, precious things that didn’t deserve to be hurt in any way.

“It’s okay,” I whispered again, not quite knowing what to say. I didn’t want to say something and spark any anger in him, so I continued to soothe the best way I could.

It seems to work, JJ’s breathing calmed down as his fingers practically dug crescent moons into my arms.

“…JJ?”

The body I was holding tensed up, stiffened into a board even.

He pulled away, eyes wide with pure terror, and confusion took over me, looking around, but seeing no one. No one at all.

“What’s wrong? You okay?” I asked, his hands sweaty on my arms before he pulled them away, his breathing picking up a bit.

He swallowed thickly, and I could almost feel how dry his throat was.

“N-nothing, I thought I heard someon-something.”

________________________________________

People I wanted to tag!

@immyowndefender @stephstephstephsteph @tairodriguess2010

________________________________________

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[megs-1800]

The One Where We Were On A Break- (Part 2)

Notes: This was highly requested after Part 1. You can read part 1 here. It is a 'will they' 'won't they' story and I really didn't know how it was going to end until I finished it. Please leave me reviews and requests as usual.

Summary: You and Mason have so much thrown at your relationship, will you be able to come out stronger or will the force that is dividing you apart finally win.

Pairings: Mason Mount x Reader

Word Count: 10.3k

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Swearing, Smut, Mentions of spiking and sick.

Its been 2 weeks since that night, me and Mason did our awkward morning after conversations both not sure what to say to eachother. Its hard when there are so many feelings and emotions involved, I have never had a one night stand but I am thinking they are a lot easier than this. Mason made us breakfast whilst I sat in one of his shirts, on the breakfast bar across from him. Its like old times, it was like nothing has changed but at the same time everything had changed. We hardly spoke a word to eachother, everytime I wanted to say something nothing came out and I feel like Mason was the same. We looked across at eachother and eat in silence like we were strangers, I guess this moment in time we probably are.

I quickly made my excuses after that and went home, we haven’t spoken since that morning. Its now been 2 weeks. Mason has sent me a good morning text every morning and a good night text every night, he has tried to ring me a couple of times but I just cannot bring myself to respond. People would think its stalkerish but knowing Mase I know he just trying to put as much effort in trying to win me back.  As magical as that night was, it has made everything 10000 times more complicated now.

It was late on Tuesday night and I see my phone light up, I was just drifting to sleep when it woke me from my sleepy state. I didn’t even look who was calling I just answered it:

“Hello” came the voice from the other line. Fuck I thought.. That’s Mason. I cannot hang up now. I continue to let him speak. “Sorry did I wake you?”

“Y-Yeah kinda a little bit its been a long day just needed an early night. Whats up?”

“Ah I am sorry for waking for you. To be honest I didn’t think you would answer."

“Yeah I know sorry about that I just don’t know what to say. Whats up tho Mase? Surely you cannot be ringing me at..” I quickly pull the phone away from my cheek and check the time as I wipe the sleep out of my eye “11:30pm on a Tuesday night just to say hi?”

Mason is silent for a little I guess trying to think of the answer, I can hear cars in the background so I am assuming he is driving somewhere. “I don’t really know in all honesty y/n/n, I started today and I scored a goal! It’s the 1st time that I actually started and scored a goal in so long. It was amazing, I got all these messages after the game and I guess all I wanted was to tell you. I am sorry for ringing you” I can hear the excitement in his voice, I am so proud of him.

“I am so proud of you. Go on Superstar!” That was the nickname that I always used to give to him which always made him roll his eyes but I knew deep down his ego loved it. “I actually knew you were starting, not going to lie I actually had the game on I just fell asleep so early I have been knackered. But I am glad you called thank you for telling me” I can feel my heart hurt even having this conversation with him.

“I will let you go and get some sleep. I just really wanted to hear your voice. Have sweet dreams beautiful”

“Thank you for calling and letting me know, I am generally so proud of you Mase. Get home safe okay. Message me once you are home”.

I sit awake not being able to sleep after that call, I sit staring at the ceiling. I haven’t heard his voice in 2 weeks and hearing his voice made all my feelings come back. The sound of my phone buzzing pulled me out of my trance which it was Mason telling me he was home safely. We sat up all night texting back and forth, it was natural. Like old times when we first started talking, both of us fighting the tiredness to stay up talking to eachother.

A week later I am sat on Lauren’s sofa playing with Jude over our monthly catch up brunches. We always make sure to see eachother once a month and this time it was my turn to travel up to her. “so whats new with you?” Lauren asks as she joins us on the sofa.

“Not much to be honest” I try and play it cool whilst I take another sip of my coffee.

Lauren gives me a little smirk “Oh really that’s not what Dec has been saying?”

I look at Lauren confused “what are you talking about?”

“Well apparently Mason has been saying that you two are talking again? So spill the tea whats happened?”

“I don’t know Lauren we started talking the other night when Mason scored that goal, and we have just been talking since. I just don’t know how I feel, cause I don’t wanna get hurt again but its so easy to love him Lau, I just don’t know what to do!”

We laugh and she gives me relationship advice regarding the situation, well of course she is rooting for us, everyone was. “I get he hurt you babes honestly I do but he made a mistake. Believe me we all were fuming with him for doing something so stupid but don’t punish him forever for a mistake.”

“I know.. I know. He was the first guy that I let all my guard down for and he broke me in every way possible so now I feel like I have my guard up again. I guess I will just have to see how things go”.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mason’s POV

I pulled up at the restaurant and make my way inside. I see Lauren and Declan waving at me from the table on the right. I quickly go over and hug them both and sit down. We are chatting away when Lauren asks “I did ask Y/N if she wanted to come? She said she was going to try?” I look down “yeah she said she had to work. I am not sure if it was an excuse or not as I have been asking to see her for a while and she keeps putting it off but I am giving her time so I just agreed with it and said she would be missed”.

We are having a great night chatting away and the food is delicious. That’s when I see over Declan’s shoulder a couple enter the restaurant. That’s when I double take as the girl looks so much like you.. wait that is you. Then I realise the guy that is with you is James. Are you serious? You tell me you are busy at work but actually going out with James? I am fuming. I watch as you say a couple of things to James and make your way to the bathroom. I quickly excuse myself to the bathroom too.

I wait outside the bathroom when you exit you look shocked. “Mase? What are you doing here?”

“I am out for dinner with Declan and Lauren. You know the dinner that you were invited too but were too busy ‘working’ to attend.” Which I put quotation marks around working. I sound a lot more confrontational then I wanted it to be.

You roll your eyes at this “really Mason we are going through this again?! I cannot keep having the same argument with you. Please its getting pathetic! I was working and then James asked if we wanted to continue working over dinner. Whats wrong with that? I am now not allowed dinner?” I can hear the anger in your voice, this is not how I wanted us to see eachother again.

“Come on y/n there is nothing innocent about James’ actions. Taking you for dinner? Come on he is just trying to fuck you.”

“Get over yourself Mason, we work together. But you know what who cares if he did wanna fuck me. You know what I could fuck him all night long if I wanted to, do you know why? Because I am not yours Mason! You know what I cannot keep having this same stupid pathetic argument! I cannot even believe I thought about getting back with you. You know what fuck off!” You shove past me and storm out of the restaurant. I watch as James see’s you and follows you outside.

I go back to the table trying to engage with conversation with Declan as I look over their shoulders at the window I can see you shouting with James. You are pacing in the street which I know you do when you are stressing out. I can see your voice is raised and you point over to the table which both you and James turn your head, I watch how James rolls his eyes and you both walk away.

I can feel my heart break, I have probably fucked it up with you again but at the same time I hate that you are with that prick. He was the whole reason we had that argument in the first place, and I was right he did have a crush on you I just wish you would see that.

I hated myself for causing that argument again, I never thought I would be the jealous type but here we are. Its like you have some kind of spell over me, I just want you all to myself. We both haven’t spoken since that night as I thought it would be best to leave you to calm down. Its been a week and I hate not speaking to you, I just wish I could go back to that night and not cause that argument, we were doing so well and I was winning you back.

I got home from training and I find myself slumped on the sofa, I keep looking over our pictures together which brings a small smile to my face. My fingers now hover over the call button and before I know it the phone is dialling you. I really do not expect you to answer but after a couple of rings the call connects:

“Hey Mase” you sound quiet like you are anxious to have this conversation

“I’m sorry” I blurt out I just need to apologise “I was an idiot I should of never caused that argument I was just jealous that you cancelled on me to work and then suddenly out for dinner with him. I am sorry I let my emotions get the best of me, please lets just go back to how we were, we were making progress please y/n/n.”

“I slept with James” I hear you blurt out. I am shocked I am not sure what to say, did I hear you right?

“I am sorry what?!” I am in complete shock

“After the fight James dropped me home. We ended up having like 3 bottles of wine. I was drunk and so pissed off with you I was like ‘fuck it’ you keep thinking that I am fucking him so I might as well make it a reality. I know its pathetic and childish I felt like shit the next morning. That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to message you. I am sorry”

“Right okay” is all I could reply to that sentence I am in complete shock. I cannot believe you slept with James. After all the arguments we have had about him and then you just slept with him just like that.

“Mase we are not together, I am allowed to sleep with whoever I want.”

“I know it just hurt out of everyone you could of slept with you slept with him. Are you two now together?” I hesitate as I really do not want to know the answer.

“No of course not, it was a one night stupid thing” I can hear the desperation in your voice.

“What? So you into one night stands now? That’s the girl you are now?” I am being blunt and I know I am out of order. I just want you to hurt.

“Are you actually calling me a slag right now Mason?!” I can hear your voice break at the end and I know you are now crying.

“Y/N I didn’t mean th-“

You cut me off “I cannot do this Mason. Everytime we see eachother we are arguing p-please I-I can’t” I can hear you trying to control your breathing. We sat on the phone for another 30 seconds both of us not knowing what to say.

You eventually break the silence “I-I gotta g-g-go” you eventually chock out and I let the phone go dead. I am still sat there on my sofa just staring blankly into the TV. Once again we cannot make it work maybe we are just not meant to be.

Readers POV

As soon as I hang the phone up I throw myself into my pillow and let the tears fall. I can feel my heart break all over again. Mason and I love eachother so much you can tell how much love there is between us both. Why can’t we just make it work.

I don’t even know how long I have been crying for until a knock at the door wakes me up, I quickly look in the mirror and I can see my eyes are red and puffy for the amount of crying. I look through the peep hole unsure who will be knocking at my door at this time.

Mason is stood there, he looks wet from the rain pour from outside. His eyes look the same as mine, not sure if it’s the rain but I know its obvious he has been crying. He had his head down and I could see his hands shaking I knew he was nervous.

The second I opened that door and saw Mason’s face I knew exactly why he was here, I could read the expression all over his face.

“We are done aren’t we?” I say defeated.

“Yeah I am done. I am done arguing and I am done caring.. I have loved you for so many years, you are the love of my life.. but I am done running after you.. I need to let you find peace and I need to be okay knowing that your peace isn’t with me. I will always love you but I need to be done now.. I need to let you go”.

And with that I watch as Mason turned around and walked back to his car. I can feel the tears rolling down my face. I couldn’t say anything I was frozen in the moment. Damn I will always love that man.

Mason’s POV

It’s the longest I have gone without messaging you, we have been no contact since that night. Its now been 4 weeks and 2 days. Yes I have been counting. The whole time all I thought about you, I wonder what have you been upto. Are you thinking of me? I always type a message out but I cannot bring myself to press send. We are toxic for eachother and staying in contact with eachother will just make it hurt more, that’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

Today is no different, I have been in training trying to recover from my current injury. As I drive home our song comes on the radio- Can’t help falling in love by Elvis and it makes tears form in my eyes as I sing along.

I bring my tired legs inside and do my usual evening routine. I am just about to get into bed when I see a call from Declan. It’s a bit unusual that he is ringing me this time of night especially as I know that he has an event. I quickly answer:

“Hey Mase, so sorry to ring so late. You alright?”

“Yeah you know so-so. Is everything alright Dec? I wasn’t expecting to hear from you tonight”.

“Hold on let me move it’s a bit loud here” I can hear Declan is in a club or something due to the amount of noise. He moves to somewhere quieter. “Listen Mase, its y/n”

The sound of your name gives me butterflies but then I need to remember to be strong “Declan please I know you are close with her but please I cannot keep hearing her name and speaking about her”.

“I know mate honestly I have rang everyone in my phone but no one can help please. I promise you were my last resort” . Now I am becoming worried but I let him continue. “Look Mase I have never seen her so drunk, I think she has been spiked she is all over the place. She has been dancing with these guys all night, I have been watching her to make sure she is okay but I cannot go over there as I gotta go in a bit to get to the event and I do not have time to take her home and there is no point me causing the drama and leaving her on her own that would make it a lot worse for her. I cannot leave her in that state Mase, Lauren will never forgive me. I am really scared she is going to get herself in trouble. I didn’t want to ring but no one else is around”.

I sat there debating it in my head the whole time he is speaking, as much as I really cannot see you right now I cannot leave you in a state like that. I would never forgive myself if you got hurt and I didn’t protect you. I must have been sat there debating in my head for a while as Declan brings me out of my trance “Mase you still there?” he asks.

“Yeah sorry Dec text me the address and I will be there in like 10 mins” Declan thanked me and messaged me the address as I quickly throw on a hoodie and joggers and ran out. I knew this club, you used to love going there. My hands are gripping the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles are white. I quickly find a parking spot just outside the club, its on double yellow lines but right now I don’t give a fuck about a ticket I just need to make sure you are safe.

I speak to the bouncer on the door and he lets me in straight away, I guess my fame does come in handy meaning I didn’t need to queue. I push myself through the waves of people, a couple of people stopping trying to take photos of me which I just continue past them. Right now my mind is focused on you. I see Declan and he waves me over.

“Thank god you are here I gotta go like now. She is over there” and he points to a booth in a corner where you are dancing with some guy. You look like you can barely stand and your head keeps rolling back, you look so out of it. “Lauren says thank you by the way. She couldn’t come because of Jude but she honestly appreciates you coming to the rescue, we both do”.

“Just because of everything that happened between us Dec doesn’t mean I stopped loving her believe me. I am glad you called at least I know she is safe” Declan thanks me again and makes his way out the club. I go over to the bar and grab a coke, it looks a bit less weird then me just standing in a club staring at you with no drink.

I watch you for another 30 minutes I have seen you in all your drunk states but you have never been like this, and I know you would never let yourself get into this state especially if you are on your own. You must have been spiked. I see the way this guy is swaying with you on the dancefloor and the way his hand keeps travelling to your bum. God I wanna break that hand is all I can think. He then helps you to sit at the end of the booth and he comes over to where I am stood at the bar, he orders 2 more alcoholic drinks you cannot ingest anymore alcohol you are fucked I have to intervene now before you end up in hospital.

I make my way to where you are sat. I crouch in front of you and hold your head in my hands, you roll your head into them as I hold the whole weight of you head. With my other hand I place some stands of hair behind your ear “Y/N hey! Can you hear me?” You open your eyes but there is nothing there, you are completely out of it. I stand up furious at what these guys have done to you, I grab your arm and place it around my shoulders as I take your entire weight trying to keep you standing.

As I about to walk, the guy you were dancing with stops me “Uh what do you think you are doing bro! Find your own slag this one is mine!”

I turn to him and shoot him a glare if I weren’t holding you right now he would already be on the floor. “who the fuck are you calling a slag! Now I suggest you let me leave with my girl” I square up to him. Some other guy walks over to him and whispers something in his ear all I hear is my name and ex, so I assuming that this guy has said to him that you are my ex. The other guys speaks up “Sorry mate no hard feelings yeah, my friend didn’t realise she was your girl our bad yeah”. I ignore them, not needing to give them a reply and walk away. I am able to get you to the bar as I shout over to the bar tender and point them in the direction towards those 2 guys and tell them to keep an eye on them.

With that I try and walk you out of the club, you are complete dead weight and its going to take us an age to even make it to the car. I quickly pick you up bridal style as I watch you nestle into my chest and I walk you out of the club and towards the car. I watch as the cameras clicked away, but right now I don’t care I just need to get you to safety.

I place you upright as I open the door and get you strapped into the passenger seat. You have your eyes closed and not even aware what is going on. I don’t know where to even take you as I don’t want to leave you on your own right now. I made my way back home.

Readers POV

I let my eyes suddenly adjust to the light, what happened last night? I remember that everything is blank. I begin to worry where I am but when I look round I know these surroundings I am at Mason’s. Why am I here, what happened?

As I sat myself up I feel the pain in my head suddenly and I quickly make my way to the toilet to throw up. I make my way back into bed, I am not sure where Mason is and grab my phone. The first thing I see is a news article from last night:

Mason Mount Seen Carrying Ex Girlfriend Y/N Y/L/N Out Of Manchester Club In Early Hours Of The Morning!

Shit I thought what the hell happened? why was Mason carrying me out of the club? What happened to my friends?

Mason brings me out of my trance as he walks into the bedroom wearing just a towel with some specks of water running down his chest. Fuck he looks fit.

“Sorry I used the guest shower as I didn’t want to wake you. How are you feeling?”

I try to look anywhere else so it doesn’t look like I am staring. “I feel like utter shit. What happened I cannot remember anything?”

Mason starts getting dressed and now I have to pull my eyes away when he takes the towel off. I can feel my heart rate increasing. “Declan rung me he said that you were off your face dancing with some guy he was worried about you but had to go to an event so he asked me to come down and save you I guess.

“Save me? Was I really that bad? I literally only had a couple of drinks”

Mason is now dressed and perches himself of the end of the bed and turns towards me, “y/n you were out of it. I was actually quite worried. Me and Dec have seen you drunk many times but never like this, we think you were spiked. Who were you with anyway? As when I got there you were on your own dancing with some prick” I can see the anger in his eyes, I hate that I made him worry.

“Uh shit I seriously don’t remember a thing. I was out with Brittany and some of her friends”.

“Well that makes a lot of sense” he scoffs and rolls his eyes. “It wouldn’t surprise me if she spiked you herself for a laugh. I cannot believe she fucking left you in that state, when I next see her I am giving her a peace of my mind. If Declan didn’t ring me and I didn’t turn up when I did god knows what would of happened y/n. You should of let me know you were going out with fucking Brittany and I would of come out with you and kept an eye on you. You know I hate you going out with her.”

“How was I suppose to ‘let you know’ Mason we haven’t spoken in weeks, but thank you for coming to my rescue as usual.” I look down at myself sitting in Mason’s bed and now realise I am literally just wearing Mason’s top and my hair still a little damp. “Uh Mase we didn’t uh you know have sex did we?” As right now sleeping together would make things a lot more complicated.

Mason giggled and gave me a small smile whilst he held my hand, “Uh no we defiantly didn’t do anything. You were completely fucked you couldn’t even keep your eyes open. I didn’t even think you knew who I was. But you were sick over yourself so I got you out of your dress and showered you and put you in a tshirt as I didn’t want you getting cold. I put you in my bed so I could keep an eye on you, I didn’t want you rolling on your back and choke or anything”.

My heart melts with the kindness that Mason is showing me. “Thank you Mase I really appreciate it.”  As I place a small peck to his cheek.

“I gotta get going to training.” He says starting to move away from the bed.

“Shit sorry Mase. You shouldn’t of come to get me. You must be knackered.” I now feel so guilty.

“Shhhh” he says trying to sooth me as he pushes me back on the bed and plays with my hair. “I will never regret coming to save you. Now you get some sleep okay, I have only got training until this afternoon. When I am back I will take you home yeah? Or I can order you an uber now?”

I debate in my head but right now my head is pounding and I really do not want to move, I stretch out and makes me realise how comfortable his super king bed is. “I think I will vote for staying here if that’s okay?”

“Of course now you get some beauty sleep baby girl” he gives me butterflies as he grabs his training bag. As he walks out the room he turns around and gives me one more look, I gave him a warm smile and he says “I love you” his eyes turn wide when he realises what he is said “I am sorry its habit”. At with that he walks out the door. I roll over to his side of the pillow and let sleep overcome me.

When I wake up I look at the time on my phone, I see that its 1pm and Mason will be back from training anytime soon. I quickly get up and shower as my head feels relatively better now, I text Mason earlier and said I was awake. As I am getting dressed, I found my favourite tracksuit that he owns and I hear a text notification:

Mason: Five guys for lunch? xx

Me: You read my mind xx

Mason rang me asking me want I wanted and 30 mins later he was home with lunch. He comes in smiling. “Wow you look happy. Training went well I am guessing” he placed the five guys on the living room table in front of me as I start opening everything.

“Training was alright, maybe I was just happy because I am coming home to you” he sends me a wink. He puts his training bag down and looks at me. “How did I know you was going to wear that tracksuit”. Which we both giggle.

We talk and laugh the whole time we eat our food. I end up staying until the evening, we non stop laugh and play playstation together its like old times whilst he teases me because I am so bad at fifa. Then when I score I do his celebration which makes him giggle. I then catch a glimpse at the time. “Damn I really should be going. I got work tomorrow so need to get all my work bits ready”.

I see the disappointment in Mason’s face “did you want me to drop you home or I can order you an uber?” I smile at his consideration to always make sure I am home safely.

“Its upto you, if you want to drive me home I won’t say no” Mason agrees and we make our way back to mine. We are singing along to the radio and laughing. I am wishing all the traffic lights turn red so I can spend that extra couple of seconds with him. We pull up outside and what I wouldn’t give for one more lap around the block. I turn to Mason “Thank you Mase for everything. You didn’t need to come and rescue me but thank you Mase. Today has been amazing. I actually don’t want it to end.”

Mason is learning over the middle of the car so he is closer to me, I can feel his breathe on my skin, “I don’t want to let you leave. I am scared if you leave we will go back to our usual chaotic selves.” We continue to look at eachother for a moment until I reach across the car and pull him closer, I put my fingers through his hair as our lips touch. I am caught up in the moment, the kiss is passionate and we are desperate for eachothers lips. Mason deepens the kiss, we continue like this for another couple of minutes. I pull away and we just stare into eachothers eyes, god I could get lost in those eyes. Mason sits there playing with my hair. “I will see you soon yeah” I say as I get out the car. I get to my doorstep and turn around Mason’s eyes do not leave mine. As I get inside, I shut the door behind me and slide down the door. I love that man!

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Another month has passed and me and Mason are the best we have ever been. We have had a couple of dates and we are taking these slow. Its like when we first started talking and I am definitely loving it. I am in my kitchen making me and Lauren a drink for a monthly catch up:

“So tell me Y/n/n I wanna know about you and Mason?”

I giggle like a little school girl “Lauren you have no idea its amazing! Its back to how we were before we moved to Manchester I keep getting those little butterflies in my stomach and we both putting so much effort into it. I think I am falling in love with him all over again!”

“Ekkk I am so excited for you” she squealed. “Have you guys slept together yet?”

“No we have been taking it slow, no offence its not like we have never had sex before so we know that is incredible! But its been nice to actually just to go back to how we were when we first stated dating. We have a got date night for this weekend though so possibly that night might be the night!”

Lauren gives me a small excited clap “Yayyyy I cannot wait to hear all about it. You know we are all routing for you both” I know she always got my back.

Its date night and I have tried all 4 outfits on and I just cannot make up my mind, I need everything to be perfect and in my mind I am panicking that something will go wrong. Mason and I have been on dates since we started speaking again but we haven’t actually had sex since so that makes tonight extra special. Its like our first time all over again.

Mason has booked us a table at the restaurant we had our first date at, it’s a small restaurant in London. We haven’t been to it since we moved to Manchester so it will be nice to go back. I opt in for a mini skirt with some tights and a cute little top and jacket. I wore my new red lacey underwear set underneath, which empathises my boobs, I know Mason will be in love with it. I curl my hair as I know Mason's preference is to have it curled. I check myself out in the mirror on the way out the door. Mason has picked me up in his land rover. “Ready to go?” he asks as I climb in the car. I throw my overnight back into the backseat as he pulls off. Mason has booked a nice London hotel tonight near the restaurant. “You look beautiful by the way. Absolutely stunning” he made me blush “ thank you, you look so fit as well” I responded back.

We pull up outside the hotel and park up, “you okay if I just leave the car here? Means I can have a couple of drinks with you if we walk? It’s a lovely night for it?” I nod in response to Mason, I have suddenly become all nervous. I take Mason’s hand in mine as we talk the short walk to the restaurant.

When we arrive they sit us in the back out the way which we are both grateful to have some privacy. “You know this was the table we sat at for our first date”, Masons eyes sparkle reflecting off the light and I feel just like I did that first night.

“I know! Who do you think booked this table” he replied. He was always so thoughtful. We continue to talk over dinner about my work and his training and just general life. He has me non stop laughing as we end up going through 2 bottles of wine.

The bill comes so I turn to Mason still holding his hand across the table “did you want me to get half? Or I can get the whole dinner as you got the hotel?” I offer, Mason lets go of my hands like he offended.

“Of course not! I didn’t let you pay for our first date so why do you think I am going to let you pay now? You can get the next one” .

I laugh at his attempt “you say that everytime so I probably owe you like what 56 dinners?”

Mason giggles back at me “well we will just make 57 then won’t we”.

Mason pays the bill and we make our way out, as we go to leave there is paparazzi outside. “Its just like our first date” I joked with Mason but he didn’t sound too impressed he hates that we cannot just have a dinner. He goes to one of the waiters and they point towards the back so Mason grabs my waist and guides me out.

“I am sorry I know its annoying. They always find a ruin everything” I can see the anger in his eyes.

“Its fine Mase it kinds of comes with the territory of dating a footballer babe. I have been in your life many years I am kind of used to it at this point”. I try to reason. I stop and hold Mason around his waist.

He pulls me in gripping my sides “you shouldn’t have to get used it though”

“I would get used to anything if it means keeping you” Mason doesn’t reply but kisses me, it’s a short gentle kiss. We pull away and I can suddenly feel the alcohol start to kick in and I am now starting to feel a little tipsy. We continue to walk hand in hand back to the hotel. As we arrive Mason unlocks the car and we get our overnight bags out.

Mason checks us in whilst I stand back trying to focus, as the alcohol has now apparently starting to affect my vision. Mason walks back over to me and leads me over to the lifts, as soon as the lift door closes I wrap my arms round Mason and attack his lips. Its desperate and passionate as I feel him grab my bum and hips as he deepens the kiss. He pushes me against the lift walls as we deepen the kiss. We hear the lift ding and the doors open, we suddenly pull away from eachother as another couple get in. We stand across the lift just seductively staring at eachother trying our hardest not to touch eachother. It was the longest 30 seconds of my life. As soon as the lift dings indicating that we are at our floor, we practically run out of the lift and as soon as the door closes we are attached again.

Mason continues to kiss me as he guides me to our room, we pull away to enter the room and place our bags down. I give myself a couple of seconds to admire the room and Mason is back on me. He pushes me against the wall, as he pulls my skirt up to get more assess to my ass. He tilts my head to the side as he attacks my neck, he is sucking away and I can already feel the hickey forming. I am continuing to grind into him as I can feel his dick harden as he moans into my neck.

Mason pulls away and whips his shirt off, which I pull my skirt and tights in one swift motion and in the same throw my top off leaving me in my red lace bra and matching thong. Mason is stood in his pants as I can see his growing cock fighting to get out. He stands there and admires me for a couple of seconds as he rubs himself over his pants. “Fucking hell I am so lucky” his lips are back onto mine. We both fighting with our tongues for control, he continues to grind into me as I am pushed against the wall. He inches his fingers down and rubs me through my thong, I can feel my wetness growing as I have waited so long for this. He goes down and sucks on the top of my boobs that is pushed out of the bra. I cannot stop moaning his name which is fuelling him more, I know he loves it when I say his name.

“Y/N I honestly wanna tease you all night but I don’t think I can hold it. I need to be inside you” I bring Mason back to me and continue to deeply kiss him as I reply. “Mase please I need your cock” I plead with him. Mason wastes no time as he picks me up and throws me onto the bed as he removes his pants and I watch his dick spring up. He flips us over so I am on top and he gives himself a couple of pumps and then lines himself up with me and he moves my thong out the way and lowers my hips down onto him. I cannot hold the moan that escapes my lips as I feel him stretch me out. I give myself a couple of seconds to adjust to his size and then I begin my pace bouncing up and down on him. “This sight I could actually look at all day long” Mason whispers into me as I continue my pace. “fuck y/n your pussy is so good”  “honestly Mase you have no idea how good your cock feels in me right now”. I continue my pace I can feel me getting close but my legs are starting to give out as I can feel the burn I am not sure how much longer I can go.

Mason realises that I am slowly down and realises what is happening, he quickly flips us over in one shift motion so he is now on top with my legs wrapped around his waist. “I am sorry” I apologise feeling embarrassed and try to look away. Mason grabs my face so I am looking into his eyes “don’t be silly you know how much I love being on top of you. I am going to absolutely destroy you” and with that he makes a massive thrust.

I moan Mason’s name as he continues his rhythm “uh Mase I can feel you in my stomach” which makes him smile into my lips as I know it gives his ego a massive boost when I say that. I can feel my walls clenching around him, I am so close. “come on cum for me baby girl” Mason continues his pace and then he hits the spot and I come undone, I am a screaming mess underneath him which the sight of this makes him cum as well. He quickly remembers to pull out and cums all over my stomach and collapses next to me. “Fuck you are so sexy. I fucking love our sex” he says turning to me and we have a long kiss. “Stay there I will get you some tissue” he says coming back into the room with some tissue so I can clean up.

I wake the next morning of the sound of someone knocking at the door, Mason is already up so goes to open it. He walks back into the room with a cart “I ordered room service I thought you would be starving after last nights antics” I giggle remember the three rounds that we went last night and how sore my body is today from it. I quickly get up and wrap the hotel robe round myself and join Mason at the hotel table so we can share breakfast. At this moment everything is perfect!

We continue in our honeymoon phase, our relationship cannot be more perfect. I am basically staying at Mason’s every night and we talk all day everyday that our work allows us. No arguments, no fights, just love and passion. Last night was no different, Mason had a late Tuesday night game so I decided to stay at home. I have been watching the game, Mason didn’t get to start but came on after 60 minutes, they lost but at least Mason got game time which is the  main thing.

I am woken to notifications on my phone, I see different people have text me all asking to look at the news, they have screenshotted pictures of the news statement and when I open the message I see the headline: I AM PREGNANT WITH MASON MOUNTS’S BABY!

My heart suddenly drops in my chest, I am used to all these rumours of people trying anything to get a story but for some reason my gut is telling me this is different. I try and ring Mason as I knew he would be home now but no answer. I try to sleep but that’s all my mind can think of.

I have tried to tell myself the news article isn’t real but Mason hasn’t responded to any of my texts or calls so I guess I got my answer. I cannot believe it, everything was going so well with us and now this has got to come along and ruin everything. I am wreck all over again, I hate the not knowing what is going to happen next.

I am working away in the office trying to keep my mind occupied when I see a text message from Mason:

Mason: “Hey, is it okay if I come over once you finish work. I owe you an explanation? x”

I quickly reply “Of course. I will look forward to seeing you x”

Mason doesn’t reply but I cannot wait to get out of work. I am counting down the minutes to before I finally finish. When I pull up outside my house I see Mason is already there waiting for me. “Hey” he says. I shoot him a smile and let us inside. I offer him a drink and then we both sit on the sofa, I have to hold my hands still to stop from shaking. I am so anxious right now.

“I am sorry for not replying or contacting you. I just had to get my head around everything. I still don’t know how I feel”. Mason finally speaks after our long period of silence.

“So I am guessing its true”

Mason nods. I gulp swallowing the lump in my throat that is forming. I feel sick but I know we need to have this conversation I need answers. “Who is she?” I ask.

Mason looks down as he cannot look me in the eye “She is just a girl. A one night stand thing. It happened when me and you were broken up. She was just a girl I used to try and get over you. She is 7 months along. So basically due soon.”

“Okay I thought you said you used protection with those other girls? And why now? Why did she wait 7 months to come forward”.

“I thought I did too but I was so pissed everytime I slept with those girls I had no idea what was happening half the time. And I have no idea why now. She said that her relationship broke down when he found out it was my baby and she couldn’t do it on her own”.

“So she just wants money?” I spat out

“Possibly but I don’t care. Its my baby y/n. The dates add up, I went to the hospital with her for her scan and they confirmed the date of conception. I have to be a part of my baby’s life. I have to be a dad you know how much I want children.  But at the same time I cannot loose you”.

I bring myself to look at Mason and his eyes match mine, we are both fighting back tears “so where is she now?”

“She is staying with me, I said to her I wanted to be part of every moment of the pregnancy as I have already missed out on so much”.

I nod slowly trying not to let emotion overwhelm me “Mason I cannot be with you knowing another girl, that you slept with might I add, is living in your house and having your baby. Having your 1st baby Mason. It would be different if me and you met and you had a child. But everything we have been through and now this! I cannot handle that Mase, I cannot let my heart break like that and I cannot ask you to choose.”

“I understand” Mason sniffles and tries to control his breathing.

“Are you getting a DNA test or do you trust this girl?”

“I trust her, but you know me I have always been too trusting. Dad is adamant that I get a DNA test but cannot get one done until the baby is born so for now I am assuming it is mine until I proved wrong”.

“Okay” is all I can reply. I wish I prepared myself for this conversation. In my head I just kept preparing that it wouldn’t be real.

“I don’t want to loose you y/n/n. Please tell me you will still be around. I cannot do life without you”. I watch as a tear slips down his face.

“You will always have me Mase. But at the same time I cannot keep letting myself love you. Look at all the shit we have been through. I have got to distant myself from you, I have to let myself move on otherwise I will continue to be fixated on you, I will let you control my life. But if you ever need me no matter the time or day ring me and I will come running.” I am trying to assure Mason as I wipe his tears away.

We share a small kiss, a goodbye kiss, us both not wanting to let go. With that Mason walks away, as soon as gets to the car he turns around and gives me one more look and I watch him drive away as I let my tears fall. Well that’s us finished for good.

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Masons’ POV

I knock again in case you do not hear me, I look through the windows but it looks like no one is home. I call you again but there is no answer. Where are you? The panic is setting in, are you okay? Are you ignoring me? You said you will always be there so where are you? I go back to sit in my car with Lewis, as its clear you are not at home. I am not sure who else would know where you were. I didn’t want to call your family as I am not sure they would want to speak to me after everything that has happened.

All I can think of I could try Lauren, I quickly hit dial which after a couple of rings she answers: “hey” she states. “Where is she Lauren?” I blurt out.

“Where is who?” Lauren questions.

“Y/n” I reply “I need to see her Lauren, where is she?” I hear Lauren take a breathe

“Did you not know?” I can hear the confusion in her voice

“Know what?” I can feel my tone getting heated a little as I am getting tired of not getting the answers I want.

“She is leaving Mase. She got a job in Germany. Her company is expanding and there new head office is going to be there so she is going over there for 6 months to trial it out and get them all set up.” I feel my heart drop you are leaving? Lewis gives a sympatric look.

“When did she leave?”

“uhhh now I think. Her flight is today, hold on I might have the time” I heard her tapping away on her phone. “Yeah 2pm”. I look at the time its 12pm now. I look at Lewis with hope.

“I might have time to grab her before she flies. I gotta tell her everything, I cannot let her leave not knowing how I feel” I said this to both Lewis and Lauren. “Where is she flying from?”

Lauren gives me a couple of seconds of silence then replies “Manchester”  that’s it I am going.

“Lauren text me her flight information I gotta go tell her”.  Lauren agrees and hungs up the phone. I start driving towards the airport.

“What do you think is going to happen? What you going to tell her how you feel and she is going to decide to stay?” Lewis asks trying to speak rationally but right now I am not thinking, all I can think of you.

“I don’t know Lew, but I cannot just let her go and never know. I have to allow myself the chance to tell her. She deserves to know”.

“I don’t know Mase, you are just going to turn her life upside down again. Shouldn’t you just leave the poor girl alone”. I know you and Lewis were always close, you were always his favourite girl I have dated.

“Your my brother Lew, you are supposed to be on my side!” I argue

“I am on your side, I am the one in the bloody car on a way to the airport so you can declare your love to this girl. But Mase she is moving on with her life you are about to throw all these emotions her way. You just need to be prepared you may not get the reaction that you want”. I don’t reply I just focus on the road ahead with my knuckles gripping the steering wheel. I know deep down he is right but I need to allow myself to try.

We find somewhere to park near the airport, that is going to cost me and an arm and leg I thought. I looked at the time and we have 30 mins until your gate closes. I really hope you haven’t boarded yet. We run to the front desk and buy 2 tickets and run through security. We find your gate number on the board and of course it has to be the gate that is the furthest away. We continue to run as quick as I can which Lewis tells me to leave him as I can run quicker.

I make it to your gate but there is a massive queue of people, I search through but I cannot see you. I stand on one of the chairs and I see you in the middle. I shout for you and you turn around and see me, you looked shocked. You walk out of line and come and meet me, at this time I turn around and Lewis has been able to catch up but stands out of the way.

“Mase what are you doing here?” you look nervous.

“I couldn’t let you leave without telling you how I feel” I go to grab your hands in mine but you pull away.

“Mase I can’t do this right now. How did you even know I was leaving?”

“Lauren” we both say in unity.

“Please y/n 5 minutes and then if you wanna go then I will let you go please.”

“Mase nothing is going to change. I know how you feel but you are having a baby with another women and I will never make you choose but at the same time you cannot make me stay.”

“Its not mine” I blurt out. “She gave birth to a baby boy last week, we got the DNA test back this morning. Its not my baby. She lied, she slept with someone else the same week we slept together. She told me that she only slept with me and there was no doubt in it, but the truth was there was always the chance that it wouldn’t be mine. She just tried to get as much money as she could out of me. I am glad my family pushed me into the DNA test now.”

You look down “Uh shit Mase I am so sorry”

“I am not. It made me realise I don’t want to be a dad unless you are their mum. I can only do parenthood by your side. I want you to have my 1st child and all my children, I want to see you have that beautiful baby glow and I want to have a baby that is half yours. I cannot do life without you y/n. I love you baby, please. I can’t do this without you. You are the reason my world turns, you are the reason my heart beats. Please don’t leave y/n, I need you by my side. I will do anything to make you stay. I will get on my heads and knees in front of everyone and beg you to stay if that’s what you want? Please y/n just give us a chance, you know we are made for eachother, we always find a way to make it back to eachother no matter the storm.”

I watch as you try and look up trying to hold in the tears “M-Mase I can’t do this right now I gotta go”. And with that you give me a small smile with watery eyes and walk towards your flight. I can feel myself trying to hold it in. I turn to Lewis “I really thought she would stay” . Lewis gives me a hug trying to calm me down “I know bro I really thought she would too”.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mason's POV

I am still not over you, I think deep down I will never be able to get over you but I just try and stay on the positives. I count myself lucky that I was still loved by you, and that you got to be such a big part of my life. That’s the mindset I am trying to have, I am letting my wounds slowly heal and I know eventually I will be okay but at the same time I am not sure if I want to heal, as that will mean I will have to stop thinking about you and I don’t think I ever want to do that.

Today is match day and all my family have come down to watch the game, all I wish is that you were here. I try not to message you so I can allow myself to move on but I ask Lauren for updates. She says you are loving it in Germany and absolutely thriving, part of me is gutted as you are so far away but at the same time I am so proud of you. Its been a month since you have gone and I still miss you more then ever. I ask Lauren if you speak about me which she says no, I don’t know if that’s the truth or if she is just trying to protect me.

I had the best game of the season so far, I started the game and got a hattrick in the first time in ages. After the game we do our interviews and get changed then I make my way to the players lounge to see my family. They all say words of encouragement and how proud they are off me, Mila and Summer come over and hugging me. I hug Lewis when he whispers in my ear “if I were you Mase I would turn around”. Confused at this sentence I turn around and that’s when I see you. You are stood in a pair of skinny jeans and one of my united tops, your hair is straightened and blonder then I remember. You look phenomenal, you make my heart skip a beat. “Hey” you say softly.

I slowly walk over to you, still trying to figure out if you are real. I stop in my tracks in front of you. “W-what are you doing here?” I am speechless and in complete shock. I wasn’t expecting to see you.

“You think I would miss my superstar’s best game of the season?” which makes us both giggle. We were always eachothers biggest supporter. You grab my hands in yours “I realise that I couldn’t be apart from you either. I tried everything to get over you but that day in the airport constantly plays in my mind. I realise that I can’t be without you Mason, no job or location is worth loosing you. I will choose you over everything life throws at me. So I came back, I couldn’t live another day without being yours. I need you Mase. I love you”.

I am still in complete shock, I have no words to reply. I grab either side of your cheeks and give you a needy kiss. I am scared if I let you go then you won’t be real. We both stand there in the moment for a little too long when my brother coughs and pulls us out of the moment. We both pull away smiling at eachother, your eyes are sparkling and I swear you have got more beautiful then the last time we saw eachother. If that was even possible.

I turn to my family “Did you guys know?” they both look at eachother for a response which my mum speaks up “she told us not to say anything. She wanted to surprise you”. I guide you over to the table where we are all sat and Mila is straight on your lap whilst you play with her hair. We all engage in conversation about your trip and about the game and for this moment the world has stopped spinning. For the first time in a while everything is how its suppose to be.

[animereaderinsertwriter]

part one - two - three - four -five

i saw you in a dream (bucky barnes x reader)

tags/warnings: plot with porn, fluff, a little angst, there is some mild amnesia, major plot twist, first person (bucky's) pov, inspired by this song

blurb: In this life and every life; waking and dreaming; this I swear.

These are the words inscribed on Bucky's wedding ring. A wedding ring that he doesn't remember ever having. It's not a vow he made-- not that he remembers, anyway-- but it might just be one that he decides to keep anyway.

ao3 here

The sunlight is warm on my skin. It’s morning— late morning, by the angle of the sunlight, but still morning— and I feel my lover’s hand brush the hair from my face. My eyes are not yet open, but I can feel her gaze, her breath, even her smile behind the darkness of my closed eyelids. The mattress dips with her heated weight next to me, a familiar feeling that warms me from the inside out.

“Sergeant Barnes,” she lilts softly, her smile dancing in the sound of her words. “It’s time for breakfast. If you’d like to be up sometime before noon, now’s your chance.”

There’s only one thing that bothers me.

It shouldn’t be morning. It should be afternoon at the earliest. Last I remember, I was fighting— what’s new? I’m always fighting— and it was important this time. It was a fight for not only our lives but every life, an earth-shattering, world-ending battle for the future of humanity. I should be there fighting still. 

And besides, I have no lover. I don’t even know what gave me the idea that I did. 

I know enough of espionage to know when something is too good to be true. So, instead of revealing my wakefulness, I lie very still. I mimic the deep breathing of sleep and wait for her next move. 

“Bucky,” she beckons, her hand on my chest. “Bucky, I know you’re awake. Those breathing tricks don’t work on me anymore, you know that.”

Panic flares in my chest, but I force myself to stay still. How? I think. How does she know?

Her hand is warm against my chest, right over my heart. My overactive imagination envisions that warm hand burrowing, boring a hole through my chest plate and into my heart, crushing it in her grip—

“Oh well,” she sighs, her voice full of Loki’s own mischief. “I guess I’ll have to persuade you that waking is better than dreaming.”

Her hand moves. It travels down the center of my chest— my bare chest, I notice— her fingers lightly caressing through the hair at my stomach, travelling lower and lower until—

I snatch her hand away just before she reaches the waistband of my boxers. My eyes snap open, and with the silence of an assassin, I roll on top of her, capturing both of her hands at the wrist and pinning her legs with my own. She giggles— giggles!— the whole while, right up until the moment she sees my face. Trapped beneath me with nowhere to go, she stares up at me, smiling at first, then wide-eyed and sober. 

“Bucky? Honey?”

There is fear in her voice. It lands sourly on my ears, and I foolishly want to see her smiling again. I shake my head, trying to clear it. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks, and I’m shocked to note that the fear I’d heard is gone, replaced by a soft concern that’s echoed in the softening of her eyes. 

“Who are you?” I demand. 

“What? What do you mean, who am I?”

I tighten my grip on her wrists and force them to the bed.

“Answer the question.”

“Bucky, you’re scaring me,” she says, and her hands begin to tremble. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if you don’t tell me who the hell you are.”

Her expression hardens. 

“I,” she says with surprising indignation, “am your wife. And I’m starting to get real goddamn offended that my husband is threatening me in our marriage bed. I suggest you get a grip, James Buchanan Barnes, before I start to take it personal.”

I blink owlishly at her.

Wife?

Her hands are still shaking, but I can tell she’s getting angrier by the second. Intellectually, I know that I have her pinned and that there’s no way she can hurt me. Emotionally? I feel about thirty seconds away from experiencing a category four storm of righteous wifely fury that I know I shouldn’t fear, but fear anyway. 

 “Well?” she demands. “Are you going to let me up so we can talk this through like adults or are you going to continue trying to assault me?”

I don’t release her immediately, but I do take a look around me. The bedroom is neatly organized and done up in shades of slate blue and wheat gold. The big window to my right is open, allowing the breeze to tango with the sheer white and gold curtains that hand from a sturdy gold rod. On the walls are photos of my friends— Steve, Shuri, T’challa, and others— and on the nightstand next to the bed, there is a photo of a bride and a groom holding hands in front of a place I recognize. It is a secluded place along a Wakandan lakeside, with grass so green it looks like shattered emeralds and water so blue that it seems only melted, watery sky.

That place— it is my favorite place in all the wide world. If I were ever to be married anywhere, that would be the place I would choose to be married at. 

The woman beneath me— my wife— follows my gaze, and I can feel her muscles relax, softening in my grip.

“Wakanda,” she murmurs. “Do you remember that, our wedding day? The grass stains on my dress, the way Steve cried and T’challa got so drunk that he tripped over his own feet at the reception while trying to Cupid Shuffle? Surely you do— Tony Stark laughed so hard he threw up.”

“No,” I tell her truthfully before I can think to stop myself. “What’s a Cupid Shuffle?”

I look back down at her, and her expression goes all pinched.

“I think we might better call Steve,” she says gently, brows creased in concern. “You love the Cupid Shuffle.”

***

According to Steve, I do not love the Cupid shuffle. Quite the opposite, in fact. I detest the song so much that my wife— who I still don’t remember— had apparently been trying to shock me out of my state of amnesia by claiming I did. When that didn’t work, she brought me here, to S.W.O.R.D.’s headquarters— whatever the fuck that is. 

Out of curiosity, I ask Steve to show me this Cupid Shuffle, and he’s absolutely right. I hate the song, and the dance looks stupid. The idea of T’challa falling over trying to do it is so cringe that my bones feel nauseous just thinking about it. 

“He did, though,” Steve reiterates, the shit-eating grin on his face no less bright for the ugly blue fluorescent lighting of the infirmary. He just loves it when he knows a reference before I do. “The night you were married, we were all so happy that nothing was embarrassing. Maybe I’m a sap, but… it felt a little like magic.”

Married. So even Steve seems to think I am, but I don’t feel very married. Even as I look around at the stoic, sterile infirmary around me, I feel like there is a battlefield I should be on, a war I should be fighting.

My inner turmoil must be apparent on my face, because Steve moves closer, speaks softer.

“Believe me,” Steve says, putting a big hand on my shoulder. “You love her, Buck. No matter how many years you’ve lost, you’ll remember it in your bones if you give her a chance.”

The crazy thing is, I believe him. 

She’s sitting on the other side of the glass window that separates us, chatting with Pepper Potts. Miss Potts, Steve told me, is now Mrs. Stark, and when I’d asked him why she felt okay associating with us after all that happened, he’d told me that they’d all made up a long time ago. Even now, I’m relieved for that; as grateful as I am that Steve chose me over his Avenger friends, I have always questioned whether or not I was worth the trade. To know that all is set to right between the two sides is comforting.

My wife laughs at something Pepper says, grasps her hand with a smile. As I study her, I come to an obvious realization.

“She’s beautiful,” I tell Steve. “That’s got to count for something, I guess.”

If I’m being honest, it counts for a lot, but I don’t want to seem shallow. Even at this distance, her smile is charming; I remember being up close and personal with that smile this morning, and I know that her eyes have that shine to them that says she’s as sweet as she is mischievous. Her nose is a graceful outward slope against her profile, and her lips, while predisposed to pouting, seem soft, well-shaped, and supple. And as for the rest of her… 

I try hard not to think about the way she’d pulled off the oversized— the me sized— t-shirt that she was wearing to change into something decent to wear. At the sight of her bare skin, I had been possessed of a strange and terrible urge to lick her from head to fucking toe before she managed to put real clothes on and show me where my clothes were. I shudder at the memory.

“I told you,” Steve says, “You love her. Only love can make a man look so green about the gills. You had the same look on your wedding day.”

I really, really can’t think about that right now. 

“So… we really beat Thanos?”

“Yep. Five years ago. We all did the whole Avengers thing and, you know, assembled.” Steve shrugged. “It was a close call, but between all of us we managed to cut off Thanos’s hand before he could use the glove and his head before he could do any more damage. The old one-two, as it were.”

I don’t remember that at all. I tell him what I last recall— fighting Thanos in the Wakandan jungle, a mad melee for our lives. 

“That’s about how it happened,” Steve nods, “except Tony was there, fighting with us. Don’t you remember him?”

I shake my head. I don’t remember, but battles are like that sometimes. Things get confused, chaotic— I might have been so busy fighting for my life that I just didn’t notice him swooping in to assist. I relate this to Steve, and he nods thoughtfully. 

“It may be. In any case, I think I know why your memory is spotty. Who knows what’s gonna come back on the scans they took, but, I’ve gotta be honest”— Steve’s ears turn pink, so I know he’s really embarrassed— “You and I were training yesterday, testing out the new battle simulator here at S.W.O.R.D., and uh… I hit you in the head pretty hard with the shield.”

He looks away, shamefaced.

“I’m sorry, Buck.”

It is a terrible and unnatural thing to see Captain fucking America wilt like an overwatered magnolia. I take my oldest and dearest friend by the arm and tell him exactly what he needs to hear.

“Steve. Do not ever be sorry for anything that happens to me because of you. No, no, no, don’t look at me like that— every day that I’m alive and in my right mind is a day I borrowed from you. You should have killed me when I came off the ice with a mission to kill you.”

“I would never,” he protests.

“My point exactly. I don’t deserve you, Steve.”

“But you do.” His expression is pained. “You do, and you deserve this life you’ve made for yourself too, and I’m the reason you don’t remember it.”

Oh, boy. Thick as ever, that skull of his.

“The only reason I have this life is because you risked yours to give it to me, so cut the shit.” I think for a moment, then add, “Besides, we don’t actually know if you hitting me caused any memory loss. My skull is pretty thick, I’m sure it’s been through worse. It could be that so much time on ice, all the deprogramming, and stuff… it could just be that my brain has been through too much.”

It’s a sobering thought. We sit together in silence for a moment, letting that one sink in.

“In any case,” Steve says, “the scans won’t be back for a few days. What do you plan to do in the meantime?”

I don’t know. I’m a stranger in a strange land.

“Would it be bad to just… pretend nothing happened? If I already have a house, I could just… stay there with…”

It occurs to me that I don’t know my wife’s name.

“With (Y/N)?”

I nod.

“Yeah. With her. I mean, if she doesn’t mind.”

I feel myself flush. She might mind after this morning… I seem to remember pissing her off. Hurting her. Scaring her. I wouldn’t want me in my house if I was in her shoes.

“I’m sure she won’t. It might be… upsetting to her because you don’t remember, but she’s tough. More than that, Buck, you should know she takes her vows very seriously. When she said for better or for worse, she meant it. This is nowhere near the ‘worse’ she would endure for you. She loves you.”

“I’m starting to get that,” I say as I make awkward eye contact with her through the glass. “I could get used to it, I think. Being loved by somebody like her.”

“Take it from me,” Steve grins, “you’ll never get used to her.”

I’ve known Steve for many, many years, but I still can’t parse the meaning of that mischievous look in his eyes. 

I am so, so out of my depth here— but that has ever and always been so. I was out of my depth as a kid in a war, then again as a man trapped inside an assassin, and again as a human soldier in a war of heroes, aliens, and other magical freaks of nature. I can navigate my way out of this one just as well as the others, I tell myself. It’s only a matter of compartmentalization. 

“Ready to get going?”

My old friend holds a hand out to me. With a bravery I do not feel, I take his hand and let him help me down from the exam table.

“Ready as I’m gonna be.”

“You got this, soldier.”

“Sure, Steve. Whatever you say.”

We walk together to rejoin my wife and Pepper Potts— Stark, I remind myself. My wife stands, and by the way her brows forcibly smooth and a smile thinly blankets her former worried frown, it’s clear that she’s troubled. Pepper stands next to her and squeezes her shoulder in a silent gesture of support. 

“Well, I don’t know about everyone else,” says (Y/N), “but I’m starving. Anyone down for brunch?”

Steve shrugs. 

“I could eat. Pep?”

“I’m famished. I skipped breakfast to get Morgan to school on time, and it’s nearly lunch now.”

All eyes turn to me. I’ve never thought of myself as bashful, but being the center of attention at this present moment feels very similar to having my bare ass cheeks sitting on hot asphalt.

“Brunch is good. Where to?”

“Bagels on 32nd?” (Y/N) suggests.

“Fine by me.”

“Nothing better.”

Jesus fuck— they’re all looking at me again. If I could melt into a puddle, I would.

A small, soft hand reaches out to mine. My wife looks at me with a fondness that makes my chest ache. I hadn’t thought my discomfort to be so transparent, but it’s clear that she’s trying to comfort me. My heart lurches in my chest, but my body relaxes ever-so-slightly as she squeezes my hand. 

“Bagels it is,” I manage, and then we all set off to walk together for a couple blocks. 

On the brief walk, Steve and Pepper walk ahead of us, chatting about Morgan— who I surmise is Stark’s daughter— and (Y/N) and I hang back. She’s quiet, reserved, and perhaps a bit nervous, but half a block into our walk, she turns to me and says,

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier.” She looks up at me sheepishly. “You just seemed a bit frazzled, and I wanted— well, what I mean is, I just did what I would normally do, but I realize that things with us— well, things in general, but also with us— are not exactly normal right now, so in hindsight I could have just made it all worse instead of helping you feel, uh, less frazzled, so I’m really sorry if—”

I stop her there. The rambling is cute, but I’m starting to get the feeling that she’s going to work herself into hysterics if I let her keep going.

“I didn’t mind. Your normal— our normal— is good, I think.” 

She shuts up then. I can feel her eyes burning holes into my face, but I dare not look down to meet her gaze. 

We walk a ways further, and I ask her about the bagel place, what she usually gets, what the options are. She tells me her order, then hesitates. Sensing this hesitation, I make a guess at what she’s thinking and ask what my usual order is. She relaxes a bit, then tells me, and it seems right— both the order and the conversation.

“Now, there is some lore about this bagel place that I should probably mention.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” Her tone is light, but she seems terribly interested in the brick wall of the building next to us. “Mrs. Dolores Finch is a regular there. I don’t suppose you remember Dolores?”

“Nope.”

“Ah. Well, she’s taken quite a shine to you— well, to both of us, really. She was quite taken with you when you rescued her cat out of a tree next to the cafe— the cat had slipped its harness, though how that fat furball managed to do that is beyond me— and once she got over her phase of trying to split us up and pair you with her granddaughter, she became… tolerable.”

She finally risks a sideways glance at me, gauging my reaction, then refocuses her eyes ahead of us.

“She will try to pinch your bum, though. I’ll do my best to run interference, but she’s surprisingly agile for someone her age.”

I try to imagine such a scene— a game of keep-away with my ass as the prize— and fail spectacularly.

“Thanks for the warning. I’ll be on guard for bum pinches.”

The rest of the way to the bagel place, we walk in silence, and I worry quietly about being ass-ambushed. I know there’s no reason to get so worked up, but the thing about being a soldier and an assassin is that a high-functioning anxiety disorder will keep a fella alive more often than it kills him. And sometimes, like it or not, the thing your brain deems anxiety-worthy is an old lady and her cat. 

Can’t win ‘em all, I suppose.

We stop in front of an old brick building. It’s rustic and charming on the outside, and on the inside it’s full of soft golden light and old— like, really old, like me old— jazz music playing out of a Bluetooth speaker on a nearby shelf.

My wife elbows me gently as we approach a table, and her mouth molds itself into a smile.

“Good morning, Dolores,” she says with more fondness than I had anticipated. “How are you today?”

Dolores is a short old woman with gray hair covering what once was all auburn tresses. I can tell this because unruly bits of it peek out from beneath her frankly outrageous hat. The hat is giant, roughly the size of a large serving dish, and features what I can only assume is not one, not two, but three taxidermied cardinals on it. At her feet, the biggest, orange-ist cat I’ve ever seen is sprawled out in a patch of sunlight streaming in from the window, trying his damndest to wriggle out of his neon green reflective cat harness. 

“Oh, my bones ache, but what else is new,” says Dolores with a put-upon sigh. When she looks past (Y/N) and and makes eye contact with me, her eyes light up with a nefarious grin that I’ve only ever seen on evil megalomaniacs right before pressing a big, red button. “Oh, and you’ve brought my darling boy to me! How wonderful! Oh my days, you won’t believe all the things that have fallen into disrepair around the house, why only this morning the garden hose—”

“Dolores,” (Y/N) smoothly interjects, placing a hand on Dolores’s shoulder. “Bucky isn’t feeling well these days. We just came to grab a quick bite and go home. I hope that’s alright.”

Dolores frowns. Her brown eyes go impossibly sad, and she leans closer to my wife to murmur,

“Is it… y’know… the war?”

It doesn’t take much to imagine which war she means— certainly not the war I was actually in. But still, given my metal arm and general disposition, it’s a valid assumption for her to have made. Despite my age, I haven’t gone very far from that army boy, lost, alone, and scared as hell.

(Y/N) looks back at me, then murmurs,

“Something like that.”

Dolores nods to herself.

“Well. Nothing to do for it but weather it, dearie. My own husband George, God rest his soul, was in the Air Force in 1939 when the war started, and honey when he came back, it was rough going, I tell you, really rough.”

With a start, I realize that Dolores is probably not too far in age from myself. 

“But you’re a strong girl,” she continued, “and he’s a good man.”

Her eyes move to me, and then she says,

“And Bucky, my dear— let this sweet woman take care of you. Oh, I know it’s hard, but you’ll get through it. Lean on her when you can’t stand on your own, and if she can’t hold you up anymore, just sit down and ride it out together.”

She holds out a hand to me, and I take it. Her skin is old and frail, but softly textured to the touch. 

“There you are, dear. I do wish you well. I really do. I’ll let you go.”

I nod. My wife gives our goodbyes, and just as I turn to follow her in the direction of our friends, I feel a pinch on my left ass cheek to rival the very wrath of God.

I whirl around, but Dolores is sipping her coffee, as innocent as a rattlesnake in a rose bush.

“Sorry,” (Y/N) says once we’re out of earshot, clearly embarrassed. “I really thought she was gonna let you have that one.”

“You were right,” I tell her with a wry grin. “She really is agile for her age.”

We rejoin Steve and Pepper, who rib me about Dolores’s antics before we all tuck into our food. The bagel I ordered— a recommendation from my wife— is spectacular, and it’s gone before anyone else’s is even halfway eaten. We sit and chat for a rather long while, and I find it surprisingly easy to be genuine with these people. They seem to understand me as well as they understand each other. It’s such a pleasant experience that I’m almost sad when we all have to leave.

“Will you all come over for dinner soon?” Pepper asks us, tucking her chair back under the table. “Tony’s been rotting in the garage for too long and could use the company.”

“We’ll be there,” Steve says with his signature boy-scout smile, and I nod in agreement.

“I’ll text you later and schedule, then. We all good to go?”

We all agree and say our goodbyes, and then we head out into the late afternoon sunshine. Pepper and Steve turn back to the direction of S.W.O.R.D. headquarters. (Y/N) and I set off in a different direction. She takes us through a path that is unfamiliar to me, but clearly well-trodden by her; within a few minutes, we arrive at the same place I’d started this Freaky Friday-esque day. 

Our home.

It’s smaller on the outside than it seemed on the inside. The exterior is a creamy white stucco, and the roofing is the color of freshly-turned clay. The lawn is small but well-manicured, and a small rock structure bubbles with water— a fountain, I realize.

It’s like something out of a dream. Even when my hand touches the handle of our door, the whole place just doesn’t feel real.

Once inside, I begin to take notice of the layout, the design of the home. The hardwood floors are a gorgeous cherry shade; as we move to the living room, though, most of that hardwood is covered and protected by a Turkish rug that I know must have cost thousands of dollars.

So, I think, not only are we a happy couple, my wife and I, but we’re also well-off.

Looking around at all the photos, artwork, and knickknacks makes my head spin with the sheer amount of information that my mind is trying to absorb. In the living room, there is a photo of me with Tony Stark, standing in his garage and holding something with my metal hand that would obviously be too hot to hold otherwise; an eyeball that I can only hope is glass sits on a shelf next to a picture of a raccoon— Rocket, I recall— and a note that reads, just in case. There are dozens of these things in my immediate line of sight. I can hardly breathe for taking in every detail.

As I observe my surroundings, it becomes painfully clear that I have happened upon a world where I am not used, not tolerated, but cherished

In this world, it seems that I am very rich indeed.

But I cannot fathom this world, not right now. It is all too much at once. I feel awkward once more— ashamed, almost, and most certainly out of place. 

“I need to go for a walk.”

The words are out of my mouth before I’ve thought them through, but the truth of the statement I have made is not mitigated by its impulsivity. I know myself enough to know when I need space— and right now, when my old, brainwashed life seems preferable to having to face my own reality not as a voyeur, but as an active participant, I know it’s time to gain some fucking perspective.

I look at my wife, who has, in the meantime, curled up on the couch and begun to read. She looks back at me and says with utmost gentleness,

“I know. Take as long as you need. Don’t forget your phone in case you want to crash at Steve’s or— or something.”

There’s no confusion or concern in her voice— so I surmise that this has happened before. I had wondered why she hadn’t spoken at all or invited me to sit. In retrospect, it seems that she had expected this eventuality. Like she knows me well enough to know that I would need space to process this. 

It is a terrible thing to be known so intimately by someone that you don’t know at all. With just this one exchange, my wife has managed to make me feel both an aching fondness and a terrible inadequacy. 

I don’t know her the way that she knows me. I certainly don’t know what she needs right now. But, judging by the sadness in her eyes, it’s not me deciding to fuck off for a while. A sacrifice, then— her comfort for mine.

I won’t forget it, and I am grateful for it… but I just can’t look at her any longer.

“Thanks.”

I do take my phone— which I barely know how to operate, dammit— and set out for a brisk walk around the neighborhood. The activity does wonders for my building headache. Despite my wife’s warning, I don’t anticipate being out more than half an hour. In the end, though, she’s right. I don’t even think to turn back until the sun is setting and I’m still miles from where I started. By the time I return, the stars are up and the moon is out, but as I open the front door to my home, I find that I’m much more centered.

Sure, I’m out of my depth— but I’ve always been out of my depth. Sure, I’ve lost some memories— but how much different is that really from having lost so many years to the ice? The end result is the same: I have to move forward with the time that I do have. 

And as for my wife…

Some version of me loved this woman enough to promise my life to her; some version of me loves her so much that Steve insists that I always will love her. I trust my own judgement, and I trust Steve’s. To see the evidence of that good judgement, all I have to do is look around at photographs on the walls, in my phone, and around the house. In nearly every photo, I am smiling. It is so clear that in this life that I have forgotten, I have been loved and treasured and accepted beyond anything I could have imagined for myself. It would be an injustice for me to turn away from it. It would be an act of such unimaginable ingratitude that the thought of leaving disgusts me.

The living room is dark except for a single lamp. My wife is stretched out beneath the light of that lamp, a hardback book nudging into her sternum as she holds it tightly in her sleep. She is so beautiful like this that I imagine her to be an angel, glowing and golden. The only thing that mars the illusion is the presence of tear-tracks, little stains that cut jagged lines down either of her cherubic cheeks. 

I pry the book gently from her hands. There is a mark against her chest where the corner had dug into her soft flesh, and I wish that there was something I could do to soothe that skin, to make it as if nothing had marred it. Instead, I find pillows and a blanket and cover her, adjusting her body so that she won’t have a crick in her neck from sleeping awkwardly. That done, I step back and admire my handiwork.

Oh yes. Much better.

Now, she looks much more human— but also much more comfortable. I’ll take that over otherworldly beauty any day of the week.

I turn towards the bedroom I woke up in this morning. My stomach growls, but I ignore it. Food can wait. I’m exhausted.

I strip down to my boxers, face-plant, and sleep, dreamless, for nine solid, delightful hours.

[kingkatsuki]

Kaji in an apocalyptic setting where he takes extra risks in order to get his hands on lollipop bags

@katsukikitten sent me this ask ages ago, and I finally finished it Ilysm thank you🥺😭

Pairing: Kaji Ren x f!reader.

Warnings: Apocalypse AU, profanity. Not proofread!

Word Count: 1.3k.

“I don’t know how anyone can be so fucking stupid.”

You heard Sakura before you saw him, looking up from an old copy of Seventeen magazine you’d found inside the house you were currently staying in. Kotoha jolted awake beside you from the loud noise as the front door swung open.

“That’s it, just walk away.” He continued as he arguably became louder.

Kaji stormed in first, followed by an irate looking Hiragi and an exhausted Sugishita. Sakura was bringing up the rear as he continued shouting at his old senpai.

“What the hell happened?” You dropped the magazine onto the coffee table as you slipped out from beneath the blanket you were sharing with Kotoha, noticing Kaji avoiding all eye contact.

“You need to keep your voices down, you’ll wake the dead.” Nirei trembled at the same time, while Suo looked up from his book with a twinkle of amusement in the eye you could see.

“I think that already happened.” Kiryu offered with a wide smile on his face.

“Shut up.” Sakura bit back, dropping down into the seat you’d just vacated moments earlier as he slouched back against the soft cushion.

“Is someone going to tell me what the fuck happened?” You looked back at them with worry in your eyes as Kaji stormed past you.

“I don’t know, ask your boyfriend.” Kaji had already disappeared beneath the makeshift curtain to your bedroom, “Clearly he’s got a fucking death wish.”

“What?”

“Did you get the supplies?” Kotoha chanced asking from behind you, “Ume and Tsubaki are in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, we got ‘em—“ Hiragi started before being cut off by Sakura.

“No thanks to Kaji.” He pouted from his position on the couch, “If I wanted to die I’d take my chances with the undead.”

“What did he do?” You looked at Hiragi nervously.

“Just go and talk to him.” Hiragi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose to try and calm himself down.

You raised a brow before turning on your heels to make your way back to the small room you shared with Kaji, hearing the tail end of the conversation from the living room.

“Ren, what happened out there?” You fixed the curtain before walking towards him.

Kaji slumped against your makeshift bed — your sleeping bags nestled on the floor — his nose scrunched in irritation as a you noticed something between his lips. His back propped against the wall.

“Nothin.” He replied bluntly, his voice muffled by the sucker that now sat positioned in his left cheek, causing it to bulge slightly as you raised a brow in confusion.

“Is that a lollipop?”

Kaji gave a shrug in response as you came closer, planting yourself on his lap with your legs on either side of him. Gentle fingers tentively reaching out to brush back the greasy hair that sat on his forehead to check the small red gash that now crossed his eyebrow.

“I need to get the first aid kit,” You murmured, “It might get infected.”

“S’fine.” He mumbled, catching you by surprise as he circled his arms around your waist to stop you from getting up.

“So are you gonna tell me what happened or am I gonna have to force it out of Hiragi?”

“We picked up everything we needed from the pharmacy,” Kaji mumbled, suddenly finding a stray piece of cotton on your worn jeans more interesting as he began to pick at the fabric, “And we were getting ready to leave.”

“Okay.” You tried to coax him, wrapping youe arms around his shoulders comfortably as you continued to listen.

“And it’s not like I meant for it to happen, it wasn’t my fault—”

You waited patiently for him to continue as he found the words, clinking the lollipop to sit on the flat of his tongue as he sucked hard before continuing.

“A shelf fell, and then another one and I got my leg trapped under it,” He scoffed, “I could’a got out of it myself.”

You frowned as he told the story, wondering whether that was why he’d come back covered in dirt with a cut on his face.

“But they tried to help me anyway, and the noise woke bunch of the undead and they blocked the exit.”

“Jesus, Ren.” You exhaled, your heart hammered against your ribcage at the thought as you imagined them fighting off a small hoard, “But Hiragi wouldn’t have been mad at you for that— accidents happen.”

“It’s because I went back for these.” He sighed, pulling out three lollipops from the front of his hoodie pocket and holding them out to you.

The only thing that kept him from exploding on all his friends on the walk home, and the main constant in his life before the world went to shit.

“Ren.” You wanted to hit him for risking his life for something so meaningless, but deep down you could understand it from his point of view.

You’d seen Kaji at some of his lowest points since the world had changed, having to find new and experimental ways to try and manage the beast inside him when you couldn’t just open Spotify and find a playlist or grab a pack of lollipops from the local konbini.

It was difficult for him to adjust, and you knew the random outbursts left him feeling shameful and guilty despite them never being his fault. You knew Kaji better than anyone, and you knew he’d never purposely endanger you or his friends. He’d do whatever it took to protect you, but it didn’t mean he wasnt still terrified of the old him coming out in this new world order.

“You should’ve left them,” You shook your head, “Your life is way more important than candy.”

“But I’m still here, ain’t I?” Kaji scoffed, “Dunno why they’re so mad, I would’ve been fine.”

“They’re mad because they worry about you,” You hum, dropping down onto his lap as he instinctively wrapped his arms around you, seeking out the warm comfort your touch provides.

“Yeah but if something went wrong they could’ve just left me there.” He rolled his eyes, “I’d rather die than survive on cough sweets another day.”

“Don’t say shit like that,” You glared at him, “They’d never do that, and if they did I’d go and find you myself.”

“You shouldn’t risk your life for me.” He shook his head.

“Well, I would.” You glared, “You better not risk your life like that again or I’ll kill you myself.”

Kaji’s lips curled into a smile at that as he positioned the lollipop stick to the corner of his mouth so he could lean forward and kiss you, feeling his chapped lips brush against yours as you tasted the artificial candy on them.

“What flavour is it anyway?” You pulled back before moving your hand to tug at the bottom of the stick inside his mouth, hearing it clink against his teeth before he parted his lips enough for you to pull it out, “Cola?”

Kaji’s lips curled into a small smile as you held the brown spit-soaked ball up to the air with a frown, wanting to roll your eyes at the insanity of it all, “You risked your life for cola chupa chups?”

“Hiragi risked his life for a pack of gas-kun 10s last month and you didn’t say anything.” He replied defensively.

“You risk your life for a cola chupa chups again and I’m definitely killing you myself.”

Kaji’s warm fingers brushed yours as he took the lollipop from your hands, lifting it up to press the hard ball of candy against your mouth as he pushed it past your pouty lips to shush you.

“You think you can silence me with candy?” You spoke around the sweet, narrowing your eyes at him as Kaji broke into a grin.

“I can think of a few other ways,” He murmured, reaching out to grasp the back of your head as he pulled you into a languid kiss, his tongue lapping at the cola sucker as you matched his movements.

[cxptain-capsicle]

Beyond the Sea | Luke Castellan | III

Pairing: Luke Castellan x Unclaimed Poseidon Daughter!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, slow burn flashbacks, established relationship present day, Gods being terrible parents

Series Masterlist Taglist

“Luke.” You whispered, trying not to wake any of the other campers. “You awake?”

“Yeah,” He whispered back. “You okay?”

You had been at Camp for a few months now and Luke was already accustomed to being woken up from you jolting out of bed after a nightmare. He joked that some mornings he would nearly be thrown out of the top bunk.

“I didn;t have a nightmare, I just can’t sleep.” Your voice trailed off at the end. Within a second Luke was out of the top bunk, his feet hitting the hard wood made a loud sound that made you jump.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. You sat up in the bed and he came to sit next to you.

“I just-” You started but struggled to find the words. “I don’t think I’ll be claimed.” After your few weeks at camp the topic of being claimed felt taboo, like everyone was thinking the same thing and nobody wanted to say it. 

“You don’t know that.” He shook his head. “I knew a girl who got claimed after being here for almost a year. It can take time.”

“I’m tired of waiting.” You were too afraid to say anything negative about the gods while in one of their cabins. Especially the messenger god. “I just feel really alone.”

Luke didn’t say anything, he wrapped one arm around your shoulders and the other at the side of your head and pulled you into a hug.

When you woke up Percy was still asleep, you normally didn’t take too much to the new kids but you liked this one. You would be the first one to admit that you were jealous of the new arrivals seeing as most of them would be claimed within weeks. There was no point in becoming buddy-buddy with someone who would go off and get so wrapped up in their new siblings and godly parent that they forget all about you. Three years of radio silence from the gods had made you a little bitter. Luke would argue that maybe it was more than a little.

“I’m gonna take Percy around camp today,” Luke was slouched against the pillow in your bed. He grabbed one of his shoes and forcefully put it on. “Wanna come?”

“Get your shoes off of my bed.” You shoved his leg off the side of the bed, forcing him to sit up next to you. “And I’ll pass, Annabeth and I are gonna talk capture the flag.” 

“Oh come on I thought you liked him?” Luke always tried to get you to join him but talking about nothing but getting claimed for 3 hours wasn’t your idea of fun. 

“Not that much.” Before Luke could respond Percy sat up from his spot on the floor with a jolt. You had been asking Charlie Beckendorf, a Hephaestus camper, to make more bed frames for the cabin for months but it kept falling to the bottom of his priority list. Over the past few years the amount of kids in the Hermes cabin has grown faster than you could accommodate.

“You okay?” Luke asked as he rose to his feet.

“Super.” Percy groaned as he pulled himself off of the ground.

“We all have them, you know.” Luke was always the first to comfort new campers. “Intense, recurring nightmares. That's normal here. And the daydreams, and the ADHD, and dyslexia. Demigods just process reality differently than humans do. For the first time in your life, you're just like everyone else.”

“So are you also…” Percy said slowly. “Do you not know who your-”

“Am I unclaimed?” Luke finished for him. He glanced over at you instinctually. “No, Hermes is my father.” Like always mentioning Hermes made Luke stand up straighter. “That doesn't matter, we're all on the same team here.”

“I’m unclaimed.” You told Percy. “I’ve been here for 3 years.”

“Why is that okay?” He was talking directly to you now. “Why do they get to bring us here to just ignore some of us?”

“I’ve been asking myself that since the day I got here.” You couldn’t help but chuckle, he sounded exactly like you. “I get how you’re feeling but no matter what happens you’re gonna be fine.”

“Spend too much time trying to figure out why the gods do whatever it is they do, you'll drive yourself crazy.” Luke warned. “Sooner you stop worrying about that, the sooner you can enjoy what this place actually does offer.”

“And what's that?” Percy asked.

“Glory.” Luke smirked. “Demigods have always fought for glory. They used to call it kleos. It's like this stuff that attaches itself to your name. Makes it bigger, scarier, more important. People listen closer when you talk, they work harder to be your friend and they think twice about messing with you.” Before Luke could finish Clarisse passed by bumping Percy in the shoulder. 

“Hey!” Percy exclaimed, causing Clarisse to quickly turn around and push him down to the ground. 

“Woah!” Luke stepped up to Clarisse. “Hey. Knock it off, Clarisse. It's like his first day, come on.” You grabbed Percy’s arm and helped him up off the ground.

“Wait, so this is the kid who killed the Minotaur.” She had a devilish smile on her face. “Is that right?”

“Yeah?” Percy said cautiously. 

“I'll bet. Look, you want attention around here, dummy? You better be ready for it when it comes.” Clarisse made a fake lunge for him, causing Percy to jump.

“Clarisse, let it go.” You chimed in. She glanced at you for a moment before turning away with her friends. You and Clarisse weren’t friends exactly, she wasn’t friends with anyone outside of her cabin, especially not an unclaimed kid, but you weren’t enemies. You got along well enough, you would spar together, you mutually respected each other. Every once in a while you might even have a few laughs at the campfire.

“Well, she seems nice.” Percy said flatly. 

“Ares kids.” Luke sighed. “They come by it honestly.”

“Maybe she’ll grow on you.” You shrugged. “I kinda like her, then again she doesn’t bother me.”

“Why don't they mess with you?” Percy asked Luke.

“They know better.” Luke said proudly. 

“Luke's the strongest swordsman at camp.” Chris explained.

“I’m second.” You chimed in. “For the record.”  

“So, they leave you alone because ‘glory’?” Percy asked and Luke nodded. “So if I get glory, Clarisse wouldn't mess with me either?”

“Exactly.”

“And people think I'm a big deal?”

“Well, sorta, but-” Luke started.

“I don’t know about all that.” You said

“And my dad's got no choice but to claim me.” Percy finished. You and Luke sighed and looked at eachother. You understood his eagerness to be seen. 

“You can't force the gods to do anything.” Luke told Percy gently.

“Believe me, I’d know. I tried.” You added.

“Well, yeah, but... it would make it harder for him to pretend I don't exist, right?” 

“It’s worth a shot.” You shrugged.

“It is?” Luke swiveled to look at you.

“I mean it couldn’t hurt.” You just wanted to give the poor kid some hope.

“Great.” Percy perked up. “Where do we start?”

When you had nightmares you knew you were in a dream but that didn’t make it any less scary. You were on a beach, it was dark, the sky shades of purple and blue. There were storms; the waves were five times higher than your head. You were alone, the beach extended as far as your eyes could see. With nothing else to do you began walking down the beach. With every step your feet became heavier- wait, no- you were sinking. The sand was vibrating causing you to sink further and further into it. You were struggling to try to pull your feet out of the sand until you heard voices that made you freeze. Luke. Then Annabeth. Grover. Clarisse. And a young boy's voice that you didn’t recognize. You could make out each of their voices but not what they were saying. Their voices were frantic, they were calling for help, they were in danger. You fought harder but it only made you sink faster.

“Luke!” You screamed out just as your head went beneath the sand.

You woke up with a jolt gasping for air, panting, and drenched in sweat. You peered to the bunk above you to see if you had woken Luke but there was no movement. You pulled yourself out of bed as quietly as possible to not wake anyone. You debated waking Luke but decided against it. You slipped your shoes on and grabbed a jacket that you kept by your bed. As quietly as you could you tiptoed across the cabin and out the front door. You went out the door past the Hephaestus cabin, then Apollo, Ares, then Poseidon. Just as you were about to pass the mess hall a voice erupted from the silence of the night. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” It was Luke. 

“Oh my gods, Luke.” You nearly doubled over with shock. “You didn’t have to sneak up on me.”

“Why are you out here?” He came close to you, placing his hands on the sides of your arms. “It’s the middle of the night. It’s freezing.”

“I- I had another nightmare.” 

“The same one?” He asked and you nodded. You had been at camp for almost a year now and had been having the same dream for almost six months. “Why are you out here?”

“I just needed fresh air, I guess.” You crossed your arms over your chest, honestly you didn’t know why you were out here.

Luke gave you a sympathetic smile. 

“Okay let’s walk then.”

You and Luke walked together quietly for a while. You walked through the woods until you reached the Long Island sound. It was the same beach as the one in your dream but even in the dead of night it wasn’t as cold, as scary as it was in your dreams. Sometimes after a particularly bad night you would come here to remind yourself that it was just a dream. This was the first time Luke had come with you to the beach and it gave you much more comfort. 

“This isn’t your first time out here is it?” Luke glanced at you with a smile, he knew the answer.

“No,” You chuckled. “I guess I find it relaxing.”

The two of you found a place to sit on the sand just above the tide. Luke sat to your left, your shoulders touching trying to conserve the little warmth between you. There was a silence between you that felt safe and comfortable. You rested your head on Luke’s shoulder and he rested his head against yours. You felt something cold touch the side of your hand and looked down to see Luke's hand inching closer to yours. It felt like you were moving in slow motion but eventually Luke had your hand clasped in his. You and Luke had always had a special relationship. From the second he found you in the cave and pulled you into his lap you were bonded. He gave you his bunk when you came to camp. Showed you around and always stayed at your side. Listened to you grovel about not being claimed day in and day out. You had hugged before but never held hands and it never felt like this before.

“You’re not alone.” Luke whispered to you. The sound of the waves and Luke’s voice were music to your ears. You were entranced, Luke was so close you could feel his breath on your cheek. The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon providing just enough light to bounce off of the water and reflect onto Lukes face. The light made his brown eyes glitter. You had never looked at Luke this way before. You were so close and millimeter by millimeter you were getting closer and closer-

“Oh!” You both exclaimed as the freezing cold water of the tide splashed up on you both, soaking you in sea water. Each of you rose to your feet eagerly running from the water before doubling over in laughter.

“Oh, that’s freezing!” You cried out through your laughs. When you finally caught your breath Luke was in front of you staring down at you seriously. “What is it?”

“I mean it,” He was breathing heavily. “You’re not alone here.” 

“I know Luke,” You nodded. “But-,” Luke cocked his head, unsure of what else you had to say.

“I’ve been alone my whole life Luke. No parents, no family. Camp was where I was supposed to find that. But my parent couldn’t care less that I even exist.” You rambled.

“I know that you’re upset-” Luke tried but you cut him off.

“I’m not upset Luke. I’m angry!” You shouted. You felt your face turn hot with anger, your heart beat fast. “I’m furious that they would abandon me-”

“Y/n-” Luke tried but you kept going.”

“They would humiliate me, over and over. My entire life!” You were fuming, your blood boiling.

“Y/n!” He shouted.

“What!” You yelled back. Just now you realized that Luke wasn’t looking at you. He was looking behind you. You turned around to see a massive wave, 30 feet high, suspended behind you. Your anger turned to confusion and just as it did the wave came crashing down at your feet, returning to the sea like it was never there.

Feel free to leave feedback, suggestions, and headcannons in the inbox. I love incorporating your guy's ideas!

Taglist:

@fudosl @lenasvoid @light-23 @petrichorvzlia-blog @heartzflwers @vampsaddicted @bbgkaykay @shiara04 @teigo-the-explorer @number-onekidqueen

[tessasturns]

what are the chances. (pt.2)

fem!reader x brothers bsf!matt

a/n: ahhh tysm for the support on part one of this series, don't b shy y'all send in some requests:)) y'all don't care but i have tryouts for vb in a week and my jump floats SUCK. please help.

warnings: suggestive content, swearing, underage drinking, mentions of alcohol, text messages, not proofread !!

(masterlist) (pt.1) (pt.3)

➽──────────────❥

your eyes fluttered open as you stirred awake. you felt something on your chest, only to look down and see it was matt. you forgot he wouldn't shut up untilhe slept like this. you attempt to grab your phone without waking him, but he groans as he wakes up. "y/n? what are you- why am i laying here?" he babbles, obviously not having any memories from last night. "do you not remember?" you ask, and he shakes his head. "you had wayyy too much to drink and would not go to sleep unless it was here with me, and your brother didn't want you to throw up on him so i was kinda forced to." he slightly chuckles at his ignorance from last night. "oh shit...sorry 'bout that. i guess that explains my pounding headache" he mumbles.

"guys wake up!" nick says, unzipping your tent to see you and matt basically cuddling. "what-whats going on here?" he says, hiding a grin. "nothing nick, shut the fuck up" matt responds, getting off your chest. "sure...anyways, hurry and get ready hornballs" he says, walking away. you purse your lips into a smile as you and matt get up and out of the tent. everyones eyes are on you as walk out.

"me, nathan, and chris are going fishing, you wanna join?" jimmy says to matt. "uhh no thanks, i'll stay here with y/n, celeste, and nick" he says. your mom and marylou had already left for a walk so that just left you, celeste, nick, and matt.

you all sit in a bigger tent, no one saying anything, just sitting on their phones. "ugh i'm bored" nick groans as he tosses his phone to the side. his eyes slightly light up as a smug grin plays at his face. "hey y/n, why were you and matt literally cuddling when i came to wake you guys up?" after he says those words, my eyes shoot to matts. we share a look as i stutter to try and explain myself. "well, you see" i sigh as i begin. "matt just was really tired and i was asleep and i gues we just woke up like that, i don't really know" nick looks at me with a confused look. "sure, if you say so" he says as we go back to our phones.

the day basically passes us by as we find ourselves sitting around the campfire once again. we're all just talking and cracking jokes around a campfire, and it truly is just a night you won't forget. it's the same routine as last night; the parents go to sleep, which just leaves us. celeste is to my right as she sends me a text. i open the text, sighing as she's right next to me.

| celestey👅

yo i got an idea, distract the boys

we're getting fucking wasted tonight.

my heart races as i read that message. i don't question how shes gonna do it, i just simply try to talk to the boys. they're already talking about some old memories so it won't be hard to distract them any further. it's not too late yet, but i try to stall for as long as possible befroe they decide to go to sleep. from the corner of my eye, i see celeste grab about six drinks from the cooler beside her, now it makes sense why she wanted to sit here with me. she hides them in her shirt and gets up.

"my stomach's lowkey hurting," she looks at me dead in the eyes like she's waiting for me to say something. "hey y/n don't you have tylenol in your purse?" she asks you that, knowing you don't. you knew what she was up to so you decided to play along. "oh...oh yeah i do! it's in the tent, give us a second" i say, walking to the tent with celeste. we giggle as we hide in there and zip the door shut. "drink up hoe" she says, handing me three white claws. "woah, celeste c'mon" i chuckle, quietly opening the drink and taking some small sips. celeste however, is almost on her third. "bitch chug!" she giggles as i shotgun the rest of the drinks. we finish the last ones and hide the cans underneath a bag to my right.

we stumble out of the tent, the alcohol starting to take a small toll on us. "celeste, feelin' better?" chris asks as we sit back down. "yeah no i'm good" she says. "imma sleep, we're goin' on a hike tomorrow i need some rest" nate says as he walks over to the tent. the boys have started to settle down, but now it's just you and celeste incoherently babbling about nothing in particular.

"heyyy matt" you say, breaking the silence. "can you pleaseee let me have a white claw?" you batt your lashes innocently. "i- y/n, you know i'm not supposed to let you do that" he says with a sympathetic look. "pleaseee" you drag the word out in some hope he would agree. chris and nick both look at matt, hoping how would make the right decision. "sorry y/n but no" he sighs. "ugh fineee" you whine.

you and celeste, in your now drunken state, were just getting up and dancing for no apparent reason. matt loved the way you moved your body, it just made his situation in his pants much worse. once you were sat back down, he mumbled in your ear, "you have no clue what you're doin' to me doll." a smirk toys at your face. nick, celeste, nate, and chris have already went to their own tents, leaving you and matt by the campfire.

you and celeste had secretly shared two more beers before going to sleep, the alcohol hitting your body like a ton of bricks. matt had enough of the teasing, and he pulled you into the tent. although no one was outside, he still wanted some privacy. the two of you sit in the tent, not really doing anything.

"mattt" you whine. "yes doll?" he responds. you're too lazy and drunk to acknowledge the pet name, you just roll with it. "has anyone told you you're pretty? like sooo pretty?" you say, laying your head on his chest. "ah thank you y/n" he responds.

he pulls your lips into a hungry and passionate kiss, both of you moving into it. the tent is filled with the sound of lips smacking and bodies moving, but matt’s phone dings as he checks it.

| chris

omg you and y/n better stfu rn bitch im trying to sleep

you and matt both giggle as he apologizes through text. the two of you sit in a comforting silence as you slowly drift off to sleep, matt playing with your hair.

➽──────────────❥

to be continued...

tags: @lolastrniolo

a/n: guysss there will be more parts but pls be patient with me, im going to toronto this week for the eras tour !!! i will be less active and i do apologize for that:(( please don't be a silent reader! comment to be apart of the taglist:)

[theyanderespecialist]

Touch Starved 1 (Scenarios) Yandere Upper Moons X Gender Neutral Prisoner Reader (Demon Slayer)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am back with another request! This one is going to be a mini-series of the Yandere Upper Moons x gender-neutral human prisoner reader and what they do if they hugged them! Now let's do this! This will have at least Kokushibo, Doma, and MAYBE Akaza as well! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!]

(Disclaimer: None of the Upper Moons are Yandere, well except for Maybe Doma, that man is a kinda sussy! This is just for fun and Not to be Taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine, just do not be illegal or gross about it! You know who you are! You Dirty, Flaky, Biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!)

(Kokushibo, Upper Moon 1) (A Forgotten Fondness)

(Kokushibo's POV)

I have my human companion, their name is (Name). I take good care of them. At first, they would try and run. I caught them each time and would spank them. I would never cause permanent damage to my darling. I would not be able to live with myself. They did not like me touching them. So I never forced my affections onto them. Even though I wanted to hold them while they slept. I missed being able to hold someone in my arms. As demons we did not need to sleep, but like fish we could sort of rest.

So every night I would lay next to them, I would watch them as they fell asleep. Their back always turned to me. I am reading a book since I could read in the dark. I then heard them roll over and their leg was the first thing on me.

Their leg is draped over my two legs and they then slowly wrapped their arms around me and laid their head on my chest. I could tell by their heartbeat that they were awake. Their heart is racing and I can tell they are nervous about what I would do. I stayed still and then I wrapped an arm around them and pulled them closer.

They squeak, tensing up, but soon relax and they fall asleep on my chest. I forgot how much I loved this. They will be sleeping while hugging me from now on. I cannot let my (Name) go another night, not embracing me!

(Doma, Upper Moon 2) (Icy Hugs)

(Doma's POV)

It was hot, or at least that is what my followers were saying. I run cold, even more than other demons. When I was a human my temp ran a bit cool as well. I was worried about my little snow bunny. They were my human pet! They were the only one to make me feel. I adore them and so I kept them nice and safe with me!

Some would say that they are a prisoner! I disagree! I was keeping my snow bunny safe. Without me, they could die! I could not let that happen. Also, I adore being able to be near them and to love them! I love my snow bunny, I know they put up a fight, but I know I am also wearing them down! They are sure to fall in love with me sooner or later.  I finished my duties for the night and came back to see (Name) They were lying on the western bed and they were in absolutely nothing at all. They looked up at me and groaned as I walked in.  "Is someone not feeling-" I start and they Suddenly they got up into a sitting and pulled me down into a hug.  I feel my cheeks flush and my heart race.  "Shut up!" They whine into my neck. "Hold me... It is too hot... I don't like it." 

They needed me, they wanted me to hold them! Oh, Thank Lord Muzan. I climbed into bed with them and stripped my clothes. So my full cold body can press up against them.  They let out a happy noise and buried their face into my neck. I love them so much and I am NEVER Letting them go~ 

(Akaza, Upper Moon 3) (Deep Rooted Loneliness)  (Akaza's POV)) 

It sucked being up at the top. I wanted to have a friend, someone I could bond with and become stronger with. I had been lonely since I became a demon. Although I would never admit it to anyone. I was not going to let anyone know that weakness I had. Lord Muzan had made it clear that feelings like that were weak.  Then I met them, they were like no one I have ever met and I wanted them. When they refused to become a demon, I knew I could not let them go. So I kidnapped them and got Lord Muzan to let me keep them. They had been angry and fought me every day. I loved it! I love fighting them and them fighting back against me.  I would praise them every time they landed a hit on me! I felt so alive and I did not give up in asking them to become a demon. They always told me to fuck off.  Of course, it could not stay like this, after a while they seemed to give up. Their fire had been snuffed and they just sat staring at the wall. I had to force them to eat because I refused to let them die. I tried to goad them into fights, arguments, anything. They just stared at the wall, holding themselves.  This week was no different. So I left them alone to look for the spider Lily. It was the first time I had to leave them at all. I had a demon taking care of them for this week, and when I came back they had thrown their food on the ground and they tore up the room.  They saw me and I was certain they would fight me. Although they did not. They wrapped their arms around my waist and cried into my chest. I realized that this whole time I had been gone they had been alone except for food. They felt as if I left them and did not want them. They had missed me. 

They hug me tight to them and I rub my back. I was pleased that they needed me for emotions and physical touch. I also wish that I had not had to hurt them again. I know lord Muzan will make me leave them again for another mission. I hated the idea of them being lonely. Although... If they are willing to hug me afterward or maybe even more. It might be worth it~ 

I love holding them in my arms~ 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS part 1 done! I hope you all enjoyed this! The next one will be Hantengu or his clones or all of them! So keep an eye out! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter here, and please Stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]

[ramp-it-up]

Paring: Ransom Drysdale x Reader (Minx Drysdale)

Word Count: a little over 1K

Summary: Ransom helps your anxiety.

Warnings: 18+ As always, MINORS DNI, SMUT, RPF. Not Beta’d. All mistakes my own. Mentions of anxiety, nervousness, restless sleep. Soft Ransom, sleepy sex, manual sex, nipple play, overstimulation, squirting, oral sex, p-in-v, a lil' dumbification kink, good girl kink, degradation kink, dirty talk, breeding kink.

A/N: This is for #KinktoberMaybe and may or may not be based on some things that may or may not have happened in real life. Part of the Minx Series.

I no longer operate a taglist. Follow @rampitupandread to be notified when I post.

I Do NOT consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

"You Up?"

You rolled over and looked Ransom in his sky blue eyes. Maybe you’d dreamt him asking you that. It made you remember the days when he would text you begging to come over at 2 am.

After he’d just left you at midnight.

“Mornin’ Ran.”

Ransom leaned up on his elbow and so he could see you better. You’d been sleeping restlessly, making a 180 degree turn with your head ending up at the foot of the bed.

You'd been ball of anxiety lately, working on the final edits of your book and more than a little nervous about your debut novel, despite the encouragement Ransom and Walter gave you. Ransom had even said it was the most brilliant thing he’d read in a while. That was high praise coming from him.

Caring for an active toddler and trying to make sure that you didn’t neglect Ransom were forefront in your mind as well. You were exhausted from what seemed a million things at once and had fallen into bed late the night before.

“You sure you’re awake?”

He did ask you that. You smiled at your husband and nodded.

“Yes. I’m sure.”

“Good. C’mere. Wanna make you cum.”

Your giggle caught in your throat as you saw he was serious. You just hummed as you moved into his outstretched arms and grabby hands.

“Ran?”

You had no doubt about his desire for you, but this was new.

Ransom pulled down your panties and lifted your tank top up to your chin. He pulled you close and hooked his leg over yours, opening you up to the cool air of the room.

“Been thinking about this all night when you were tossing and turning. You need something to calm you the fuck down.”

You gasped as Ransom moved his fingers into your mouth.

“Be a good fucking girl and get ‘em wet for me, Minx.”

“Hmmmm? Ummmhmmm.”

You nodded as your eyes rolled back into your head. Your anxiety started slipping away as Ransom whispered sweet nasty words in your ear.

“I’m gonna play with this sweet, sloppy cunt until you cum a couple of times in my arms. I’m gonna hold you down and make you take it while I watch that perfect slutty face of yours as you take what I do to you.”

Ransom was already playing with one nipple with the hand that was around you and grasping you close to him; as he withdrew his fingers from your mouth, a trail of saliva filled the path of his fingers down your neck and to the other as he twisted your nipples in tandem. You moaned at the disparate sensations from wet and dry fingers, wiggling in his grasp.

“Look at you. Going dumb all from me playing with you already. Gonna be my sweet little dumb baby girl? I haven’t even started yet. Go dumb all you want. Just be sure not to run away from what I’m about to do.”

You sighed and sank further into his arms, trusting and anticipating the pleasure that was to come.

“Oh!”

Ransom’s hand was at your pussy now, and the quick force of air before his finger came down to slap it was your only warning.

“Ran!”

You arched, pushing your ass into the mattress and your head into his arm as you moved with pleasure. You could feel his hard cock on your hip and the wet spot on his boxers and you reached for it.

Ransom let you have what you wanted, and he kissed your temple.

“Sweet little dumb Minxy for my cock. Go ahead. Play with it. S’not gonna stop me from doing what I want.”

Ransom smoothed his fingers down your clit, collecting the wetness there and pushing all three fingertips inside you sideways as your thumb swiped across his wet, dripping slit.

“Fuck, Ran…,” you whined as he moved and curled his digits just right to reach that sweet spongy spot inside you. Ransom thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world.

“Right… right there, hunh?”

Ransom chuckled into your ear as you opened your legs wider for him. He bit your earlobe as his thumb strummed your clit. Your legs started shaking and you arched into his mouth which was now at your nipple, sucking hard and causing sparks to go off behind your eyelids.

“Ummmhmmmm.”

You started stroking him faster and licking your lips. Ransom was paying rapt attention to all your expressions.

“What’re you thinking about, Minxy? Giving me that neck while I make you cum? Want me to stuff it down your throat?”

Your eyes rolled back into your skull as the thought made you even wetter and Ransom could feel your pussy tremor.

“Yes, please Ran!”

You nodded frantically.

“Not this time, Minx. You always manage to distract me with that and you run away from your orgasm. This time you’re gonna get what you deserve.”

“Nooo…”

This time you shook your head as Ransom carefully watched your face. He could read you like a book and he pulled you even closer by pulling his arm around your throat. He pulled your legs even further apart as he concentrated on circling your clit as he controlled your air.

You grasped at his arm because you felt what was coming, and it was going to be big. Ransom eased up on your windpipe as you arched into the bed again, your body stiffening as you neared the top of the rollercoaster of pleasure. His mouth drew nearer to your ear as you signaled how close you were.

"Give it to me, Minx."

That gravelly bass was all you needed.

“Uh.. ah. OHHHFFUUUUCCCKKK!”

You became a bucking bronco and Ransom's strong arms and leg held you captive to feeling all of the pleasure. Your mind blanked as Ransom relentlessly thumbed your clit.

You couldn't breathe, but you managed a weak, “S-t-tooo much…”

“You can take it. You’re a strong girl. A real good girl Minx. You made me fall for you. You carried Golden. You can do anything. My good, sweet girl.”

You began to feel another orgasm building as Ransom continued. You felt the pressure building again and had to get away, trying to grab his hand in vain.

Ransom’s muscles rippled as his arm stayed right where it was. He palmed the back of your head and tilted your head.

“Look at that. I want you to see what I’m doing to you. What your body is going to do for me…”

He groaned as he felt your pussy spasm when you watched his fingers moving on you.

“Ransom!”

You squealed as you watched yourself squirt all over him. He must have been magic because you thought you saw his hand as it moved even faster between your legs.

“Ahhh. Yes. Yea ha ha yesss! Give me that shit.”

You were sobbing now as Ransom let you go, climbing down your body to put his mouth on you.

You jumped as he licked and sucked your slopping wet slit and smiled at your bliss. You were alternating between tears and laughter as you saw his delighted face.

You tugged his hair gently as he playfully kissed your sodden, pulsing pussy and smiled up at you.

“There now. Don’t you feel relaxed?”

You laughed at your husband.

“I hate you Ransom.”

Random placed another kiss on your pussy as he climbed back up beside you.

“I love you too, Minx.”

You were boneless, floating in space as you looked at your tousle-haired rake of a spouse. You ascertained that he was fully naked and still hard against your thigh even though you were floaty and your eyes were half closed.

“There’s just one more thing Ran...”

“What’s that Minx?”

Ransom's eyes were dark as you pulled him to you. He couldn’t resist slotting himself between your thighs as he stared at your fucked-out face.He leaned down and gave a taste of his you-flavored lips as he slid his thick hard cock inside you and moaned.

“Fuck me back to sleep Ran. Need more rest.”

Ransom rocked deep inside you, sucking and marking up your neck as his hand slid down your body. You relished his girth and the feel of every bump and ridge of him as he started stroking inside you, making your insides light up like the early morning sky.

“Whatever you need, Minx…but you’ve got to give me one more. Around my cock, like the good little girl you are…”

——

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