#and thats ALSO why i developed the ability to converse in my sleep to sneak in sleep whenever i could without people yelling at me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nabaath-areng · 2 days ago

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the problem with my n24 is that with the clock going around gradually i have periods of being awake at day and periods of being awake at night, but then because i tend to sleep really badly during night time i spend my daytime days being very tired and sluggish, and my nighttime days are much more productive and energetic. but i cant do just anything i want at night, so i cant get as much done as i have the energy and drive to. and then i also need sunlight to feel sane in the head, and so i hate missing out on daytime wakefulness. but then the sun is also why my sleep quality is much better during daytime. if im gonna stuck with a seemingly incurable sleep disorder since birth cant i at LEAST have the sleep be overall consistent? apparently not lmao

#i am multiply disabled but like. this thing? this thing right here? is THE greatest curse of my life #literally doesnt matter what other accommodations there are with the sleep disorder there #its one of those things i hate talking about normally cause its been THE major factor of shame throughout my life #cause god people assume you havent tried everything there is!!! and that youre not trying!!! or that its caused by bad habits!!!#and like because i tried to live normally despite it i suffered so much insomnia that im physically unable to force it anymore #burnt out and burnt to a crisp etc. the moment my sleep isnt catered to these days my whole body gets fucked up in new innovative ways #GOD I FEEL LIKE ALL I DO IS COMPLAINING but its just. hrghhhh!!!!#everytime it goes back to daytime i start fighting to keep it going for as long as possible #but my body doesnt wanna cooperate so i go to bed later and later #no matter how hard i fight to get up the same time everyday #so every night i sleep a shorter and shorter amount of time until it turns to insomnia. and then i crash.#this is basically why id stay awake for DAYS in a row growing up because i didnt trust myself to wake up for school lol #and thats ALSO why i developed the ability to converse in my sleep to sneak in sleep whenever i could without people yelling at me #which isnt good if you accidentally end up making plans with your mom you have no idea about until she calls asking where you are<3 LMAO #god im just frustrated cause my sleep schedule is beginning to turn back now. first noticeable delay today and by the end of this week...#itll likely turn back to night time. urghhhhhhhh. timezones all fine and dandy but im not reliably available to anyone lol #silvi talks #OR WHINES AS ALWAYS. time to paint my nails and then maybe screens

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