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mostlysignssomeportents · 11 months ago

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“Disenshittify or Die”

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I'm coming to BURNING MAN! On TUESDAY (Aug 27) at 1PM, I'm giving a talk called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE!" at PALENQUE NORTE (7&E). On WEDNESDAY (Aug 28) at NOON, I'm doing a "Talking Caterpillar" Q&A at LIMINAL LABS (830&C).

Last weekend, I traveled to Las Vegas for Defcon 32, where I had the immense privilege of giving a solo talk on Track 1, entitled "Disenshittify or die! How hackers can seize the means of computation and build a new, good internet that is hardened against our asshole bosses' insatiable horniness for enshittification":

https://info.defcon.org/event/?id=54861

This was a followup to last year's talk, "An Audacious Plan to Halt the Internet's Enshittification," a talk that kicked off a lot of international interest in my analysis of platform decay ("enshittification"):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rimtaSgGz_4

The Defcon organizers have earned a restful week or two, and that means that the video of my talk hasn't yet been posted to Defcon's Youtube channel, so in the meantime, I thought I'd post a lightly edited version of my speech crib. If you're headed to Burning Man, you can hear me reprise this talk at Palenque Norte (7&E); I'm kicking off their lecture series on Tuesday, Aug 27 at 1PM.

What the fuck happened to the old, good internet?

I mean, sure, our bosses were a little surveillance-happy, and they were usually up for sharing their data with the NSA, and whenever there was a tossup between user security and growth, it was always YOLO time.

But Google Search used to work. Facebook used to show you posts from people you followed. Uber used to be cheaper than a taxi and pay the driver more than a cabbie made. Amazon used to sell products, not Shein-grade self-destructing dropshipped garbage from all-consonant brands. Apple used to defend your privacy, rather than spying on you with your no-modifications-allowed Iphone.

There was a time when you searching for an album on Spotify would get you that album – not a playlist of insipid AI-generated covers with the same name and art.

Microsoft used to sell you software – sure, it was buggy – but now they just let you access apps in the cloud, so they can watch how you use those apps and strip the features you use the most out of the basic tier and turn them into an upcharge.

What – and I cannot stress this enough – the fuck happened?!

I’m talking about enshittification.

Here’s what enshittification looks like from the outside: First, you see a company that’s being good to its end users. Google puts the best search results at the top; Facebook shows you a feed of posts from people and groups you followl; Uber charges small dollars for a cab; Amazon subsidizes goods and returns and shipping and puts the best match for your product search at the top of the page.

That’s stage one, being good to end users. But there’s another part of this stage, call it stage 1a). That’s figuring out how to lock in those users.

There’s so many ways to lock in users.

If you’re Facebook, the users do it for you. You joined Facebook because there were people there you wanted to hang out with, and other people joined Facebook to hang out with you.

That’s the old “network effects” in action, and with network effects come “the collective action problem." Because you love your friends, but goddamn are they a pain in the ass! You all agree that FB sucks, sure, but can you all agree on when it’s time to leave?

No way.

Can you agree on where to go next?

Hell no.

You’re there because that’s where the support group for your rare disease hangs out, and your bestie is there because that’s where they talk with the people in the country they moved away from, then there’s that friend who coordinates their kid’s little league car pools on FB, and the best dungeon master you know isn’t gonna leave FB because that’s where her customers are.

So you’re stuck, because even though FB use comes at a high cost – your privacy, your dignity and your sanity – that’s still less than the switching cost you’d have to bear if you left: namely, all those friends who have taken you hostage, and whom you are holding hostage

Now, sometimes companies lock you in with money, like Amazon getting you to prepay for a year’s shipping with Prime, or to buy your Audible books on a monthly subscription, which virtually guarantees that every shopping search will start on Amazon, after all, you’ve already paid for it.

Sometimes, they lock you in with DRM, like HP selling you a printer with four ink cartridges filled with fluid that retails for more than $10,000/gallon, and using DRM to stop you from refilling any of those ink carts or using a third-party cartridge. So when one cart runs dry, you have to refill it or throw away your investment in the remaining three cartridges and the printer itself.

Sometimes, it’s a grab bag:

You can’t run your Ios apps without Apple hardware;

you can’t run your Apple music, books and movies on anything except an Ios app;

your iPhone uses parts pairing – DRM handshakes between replacement parts and the main system – so you can’t use third-party parts to fix it; and

every OEM iPhone part has a microscopic Apple logo engraved on it, so Apple can demand that the US Customs and Border Service seize any shipment of refurb Iphone parts as trademark violations.

Think Different, amirite?

Getting you locked in completes phase one of the enshittification cycle and signals the start of phase two: making things worse for you to make things better for business customers.

For example, a platform might poison its search results, like Google selling more and more of its results pages to ads that are identified with lighter and lighter tinier and tinier type.

Or Amazon selling off search results and calling it an “ad” business. They make $38b/year on this scam. The first result for your search is, on average, 29% more expensive than the best match for your search. The first row is 25% more expensive than the best match. On average, the best match for your search is likely to be found seventeen places down on the results page.

Other platforms sell off your feed, like Facebook, which started off showing you the things you asked to see, but now the quantum of content from the people you follow has dwindled to a homeopathic residue, leaving a void that Facebook fills with things that people pay to show you: boosted posts from publishers you haven’t subscribed to, and, of course, ads.

Now at this point you might be thinking ‘sure, if you’re not paying for the product, you’re the product.'

Bullshit!

Bull.

Shit.

The people who buy those Google ads? They pay more every year for worse ad-targeting and more ad-fraud

Those publishers paying to nonconsensually cram their content into your Facebook feed? They have to do that because FB suppresses their ability to reach the people who actually subscribed to them

The Amazon sellers with the best match for your query have to outbid everyone else just to show up on the first page of results. It costs so much to sell on Amazon that between 45-51% of every dollar an independent seller brings in has to be kicked up to Don Bezos and the Amazon crime family. Those sellers don’t have the kind of margins that let them pay 51% They have to raise prices in order to avoid losing money on every sale.

"But wait!" I hear you say!

[Come on, say it!]

"But wait! Things on Amazon aren’t more expensive that things at Target, or Walmart, or at a mom and pop store, or direct from the manufacturer.

"How can sellers be raising prices on Amazon if the price at Amazon is the same as at is everywhere else?"

[Any guesses?!]

That’s right, they charge more everywhere. They have to. Amazon binds its sellers to a policy called “most favored nation status,” which says they can’t charge more on Amazon than they charge elsewhere, including direct from their own factory store.

So every seller that wants to sell on Amazon has to raise their prices everywhere else.

Now, these sellers are Amazon’s best customers. They’re paying for the product, and they’re still getting screwed.

Paying for the product doesn’t fill your vapid boss’s shriveled heart with so much joy that he decides to stop trying to think of ways to fuck you over.

Look at Apple. Remember when Apple offered every Ios user a one-click opt out for app-based surveillance? And 96% of users clicked that box?

(The other four percent were either drunk or Facebook employees or drunk Facebook employees.)

That cost Facebook at least ten billion dollars per year in lost surveillance revenue?

I mean, you love to see it.

But did you know that at the same time Apple started spying on Ios users in the same way that Facebook had been, for surveillance data to use to target users for its competing advertising product?

Your Iphone isn’t an ad-supported gimme. You paid a thousand fucking dollars for that distraction rectangle in your pocket, and you’re still the product. What’s more, Apple has rigged Ios so that you can’t mod the OS to block its spying.

If you’re not not paying for the product, you’re the product, and if you are paying for the product, you’re still the product.

Just ask the farmers who are expected to swap parts into their own busted half-million dollar, mission-critical tractors, but can’t actually use those parts until a technician charges them $200 to drive out to the farm and type a parts pairing unlock code into their console.

John Deere’s not giving away tractors. Give John Deere a half mil for a tractor and you will be the product.

Please, my brothers and sisters in Christ. Please! Stop saying ‘if you’re not paying for the product, you’re the product.’

OK, OK, so that’s phase two of enshittification.

Phase one: be good to users while locking them in.

Phase two: screw the users a little to you can good to business customers while locking them in.

Phase three: screw everybody and take all the value for yourself. Leave behind the absolute bare minimum of utility so that everyone stays locked into your pile of shit.

Enshittification: a tragedy in three acts.

That’s what enshittification looks like from the outside, but what’s going on inside the company? What is the pathological mechanism? What sci-fi entropy ray converts the excellent and useful service into a pile of shit?

That mechanism is called twiddling. Twiddling is when someone alters the back end of a service to change how its business operates, changing prices, costs, search ranking, recommendation criteria and other foundational aspects of the system.

Digital platforms are a twiddler’s utopia. A grocer would need an army of teenagers with pricing guns on rollerblades to reprice everything in the building when someone arrives who’s extra hungry.

Whereas the McDonald’s Investments portfolio company Plexure advertises that it can use surveillance data to predict when an app user has just gotten paid so the seller can tack an extra couple bucks onto the price of their breakfast sandwich.

And of course, as the prophet William Gibson warned us, ‘cyberspace is everting.' With digital shelf tags, grocers can change prices whenever they feel like, like the grocers in Norway, whose e-ink shelf tags change the prices 2,000 times per day.

Every Uber driver is offered a different wage for every job. If a driver has been picky lately, the job pays more. But if the driver has been desperate enough to grab every ride the app offers, the pay goes down, and down, and down.

The law professor Veena Dubal calls this ‘algorithmic wage discrimination.' It’s a prime example of twiddling.

Every youtuber knows what it’s like to be twiddled. You work for weeks or months, spend thousands of dollars to make a video, then the algorithm decides that no one – not your own subscribers, not searchers who type in the exact name of your video – will see it.

Why? Who knows? The algorithm’s rules are not public.

Because content moderation is the last redoubt of security through obscurit: they can’t tell you what the como algorithm is downranking because then you’d cheat.

Youtube is the kind of shitty boss who docks every paycheck for all the rules you’ve broken, but won’t tell you what those rules were, lest you figure out how to break those rules next time without your boss catching you.

Twiddling can also work in some users’ favor, of course. Sometimes platforms twiddle to make things better for end users or business customers.

For example, Emily Baker-White from Forbes revealed the existence of a back-end feature that Tiktok’s management can access they call the “heating tool.”

When a manager applies the heating toll to a performer’s account, that performer’s videos are thrust into the feeds of millions of users, without regard to whether the recommendation algorithm predicts they will enjoy that video.

Why would they do this? Well, here’s an analogy from my boyhood I used to go to this traveling fair that would come to Toronto at the end of every summer, the Canadian National Exhibition. If you’ve been to a fair like the Ex, you know that you can always spot some guy lugging around a comedically huge teddy bear.

Nominally, you win that teddy bear by throwing five balls in a peach-basket, but to a first approximation, no one has ever gotten five balls to stay in that peach-basket.

That guy “won” the teddy bear when a carny on the midway singled him out and said, "fella, I like your face. Tell you what I’m gonna do: You get just one ball in the basket and I’ll give you this keychain, and if you amass two keychains, I’ll let you trade them in for one of these galactic-scale teddy-bears."

That’s how the guy got his teddy bear, which he now has to drag up and down the midway for the rest of the day.

Why the hell did that carny give away the teddy bear? Because it turns the guy into a walking billboard for the midway games. If that dopey-looking Judas Goat can get five balls into a peach basket, then so can you.

Except you can’t.

Tiktok’s heating tool is a way to give away tactical giant teddy bears. When someone in the TikTok brain trust decides they need more sports bros on the platform, they pick one bro out at random and make him king for the day, heating the shit out of his account.

That guy gets a bazillion views and he starts running around on all the sports bro forums trumpeting his success: *I am the Louis Pasteur of sports bro influencers!"

The other sports bros pile in and start retooling to make content that conforms to the idiosyncratic Tiktok format. When they fail to get giant teddy bears of their own, they assume that it’s because they’re doing Tiktok wrong, because they don’t know about the heating tool.

But then comes the day when the TikTok Star Chamber decides they need to lure in more astrologers, so they take the heat off that one lucky sports bro, and start heating up some lucky astrologer.

Giant teddy bears are all over the place: those Uber drivers who were boasting to the NYT ten years ago about earning $50/hour? The Substackers who were rolling in dough? Joe Rogan and his hundred million dollar Spotify payout? Those people are all the proud owners of giant teddy bears, and they’re a steal.

Because every dollar they get from the platform turns into five dollars worth of free labor from suckers who think they just internetting wrong.

Giant teddy bears are just one way of twiddling. Platforms can play games with every part of their business logic, in highly automated ways, that allows them to quickly and efficiently siphon value from end users to business customers and back again, hiding the pea in a shell game conducted at machine speeds, until they’ve got everyone so turned around that they take all the value for themselves.

That’s the how: How the platforms do the trick where they are good to users, then lock users in, then maltreat users to be good to business customers, then lock in those business customers, then take all the value for themselves.

So now we know what is happening, and how it is happening, all that’s left is why it’s happening.

Now, on the one hand, the why is pretty obvious. The less value that end-users and business customers capture, the more value there is left to divide up among the shareholders and the executives.

That’s why, but it doesn’t tell you why now. Companies could have done this shit at any time in the past 20 years, but they didn’t. Or at least, the successful ones didn’t. The ones that turned themselves into piles of shit got treated like piles of shit. We avoided them and they died.

Remember Myspace? Yahoo Search? Livejournal? Sure, they’re still serving some kind of AI slop or programmatic ad junk if you hit those domains, but they’re gone.

And there’s the clue: It used to be that if you enshittified your product, bad things happened to your company. Now, there are no consequences for enshittification, so everyone’s doing it.

Let’s break that down: What stops a company from enshittifying?

There are four forces that discipline tech companies. The first one is, obviously, competition.

If your customers find it easy to leave, then you have to worry about them leaving

Many factors can contribute to how hard or easy it is to depart a platform, like the network effects that Facebook has going for it. But the most important factor is whether there is anywhere to go.

Back in 2012, Facebook bought Insta for a billion dollars. That may seem like chump-change in these days of eleven-digit Big Tech acquisitions, but that was a big sum in those innocent days, and it was an especially big sum to pay for Insta. The company only had 13 employees, and a mere 25 million registered users.

But what mattered to Zuckerberg wasn’t how many users Insta had, it was where those users came from.

[Does anyone know where those Insta users came from?]

That’s right, they left Facebook and joined Insta. They were sick of FB, even though they liked the people there, they hated creepy Zuck, they hated the platform, so they left and they didn’t come back.

So Zuck spent a cool billion to recapture them, A fact he put in writing in a midnight email to CFO David Ebersman, explaining that he was paying over the odds for Insta because his users hated him, and loved Insta. So even if they quit Facebook (the platform), they would still be captured Facebook (the company).

Now, on paper, Zuck’s Instagram acquisition is illegal, but normally, that would be hard to stop, because you’d have to prove that he bought Insta with the intention of curtailing competition.

But in this case, Zuck tripped over his own dick: he put it in writing.

But Obama’s DoJ and FTC just let that one slide, following the pro-monopoly policies of Reagan, Bush I, Clinton and Bush II, and setting an example that Trump would follow, greenlighting gigamergers like the catastrophic, incestuous Warner-Discovery marriage.

Indeed, for 40 years, starting with Carter, and accelerating through Reagan, the US has encouraged monopoly formation, as an official policy, on the grounds that monopolies are “efficient.”

If everyone is using Google Search, that’s something we should celebrate. It means they’ve got the very best search and wouldn’t it be perverse to spend public funds to punish them for making the best product?

But as we all know, Google didn’t maintain search dominance by being best. They did it by paying bribes. More than 20 billion per year to Apple alone to be the default Ios search, plus billions more to Samsung, Mozilla, and anyone else making a product or service with a search-box on it, ensuring that you never stumble on a search engine that’s better than theirs.

Which, in turn, ensured that no one smart invested big in rival search engines, even if they were visibly, obviously superior. Why bother making something better if Google’s buying up all the market oxygen before it can kindle your product to life?

Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Amazon – they’re not “making things” companies, they’re “buying things” companies, taking advantage of official tolerance for anticompetitive acquisitions, predatory pricing, market distorting exclusivity deals and other acts specifically prohibited by existing antitrust law.

Their goal is to become too big to fail, because that makes them too big to jail, and that means they can be too big to care.

Which is why Google Search is a pile of shit and everything on Amazon is dropshipped garbage that instantly disintegrates in a cloud of offgassed volatile organic compounds when you open the box.

Once companies no longer fear losing your business to a competitor, it’s much easier for them to treat you badly, because what’re you gonna do?

Remember Lily Tomlin as Ernestine the AT&T operator in those old SNL sketches? “We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.”

Competition is the first force that serves to discipline companies and the enshittificatory impulses of their leadership, and we just stopped enforcing competition law.

It takes a special kind of smooth-brained asshole – that is, an establishment economist – to insist that the collapse of every industry from eyeglasses to vitamin C into a cartel of five or fewer companies has nothing to do with policies that officially encouraged monopolization.

It’s like we used to put down rat poison and we didn’t have a rat problem. Then these dickheads convinced us that rats were good for us and we stopped putting down rat poison, and now rats are gnawing our faces off and they’re all running around saying, "Who’s to say where all these rats came from? Maybe it was that we stopped putting down poison, but maybe it’s just the Time of the Rats. The Great Forces of History bearing down on this moment to multiply rats beyond all measure!"

Antitrust didn’t slip down that staircase and fall spine-first on that stiletto: they stabbed it in the back and then they pushed it.

And when they killed antitrust, they also killed regulation, the second force that disciplines companies. Regulation is possible, but only when the regulator is more powerful than the regulated entities. When a company is bigger than the government, it gets damned hard to credibly threaten to punish that company, no matter what its sins.

That’s what protected IBM for all those years when it had its boot on the throat of the American tech sector. Do you know, the DOJ fought to break up IBM in the courts from 1970-1982, and that every year, for 12 consecutive years, IBM spent more on lawyers to fight the USG than the DOJ Antitrust Division spent on all the lawyers fighting every antitrust case in the entire USA?

IBM outspent Uncle Sam for 12 years. People called it “Antitrust’s Vietnam.” All that money paid off, because by 1982, the president was Ronald Reagan, a man whose official policy was that monopolies were “efficient." So he dropped the case, and Big Blue wriggled off the hook.

It’s hard to regulate a monopolist, and it’s hard to regulate a cartel. When a sector is composed of hundreds of competing companies, they compete. They genuinely fight with one another, trying to poach each others’ customers and workers. They are at each others’ throats.

It’s hard enough for a couple hundred executives to agree on anything. But when they’re legitimately competing with one another, really obsessing about how to eat each others’ lunches, they can’t agree on anything.

The instant one of them goes to their regulator with some bullshit story, about how it’s impossible to have a decent search engine without fine-grained commercial surveillance; or how it’s impossible to have a secure and easy to use mobile device without a total veto over which software can run on it; or how it’s impossible to administer an ISP’s network unless you can slow down connections to servers whose owners aren’t paying bribes for “premium carriage"; there’s some *other company saying, “That’s bullshit”

“We’ve managed it! Here’s our server logs, our quarterly financials and our customer testimonials to prove it.”

100 companies are a rabble, they're a mob. They can’t agree on a lobbying position. They’re too busy eating each others’ lunch to agree on how to cater a meeting to discuss it.

But let those hundred companies merge to monopoly, absorb one another in an incestuous orgy, turn into five giant companies, so inbred they’ve got a corporate Habsburg jaw, and they become a cartel.

It’s easy for a cartel to agree on what bullshit they’re all going to feed their regulator, and to mobilize some of the excess billions they’ve reaped through consolidation, which freed them from “wasteful competition," sp they can capture their regulators completely.

You know, Congress used to pass federal consumer privacy laws? Not anymore.

The last time Congress managed to pass a federal consumer privacy law was in 1988: The Video Privacy Protection Act. That’s a law that bans video-store clerks from telling newspapers what VHS cassettes you take home. In other words, it regulates three things that have effectively ceased to exist.

The threat of having your video rental history out there in the public eye was not the last or most urgent threat the American public faced, and yet, Congress is deadlocked on passing a privacy law.

Tech companies’ regulatory capture involves a risible and transparent gambit, that is so stupid, it’s an insult to all the good hardworking risible transparent ruses out there.

Namely, they claim that when they violate your consumer, privacy or labor rights, It’s not a crime, because they do it with an app.

Algorithmic wage discrimination isn’t illegal wage theft: we do it with an app.

Spying on you from asshole to appetite isn’t a privacy violation: we do it with an app.

And Amazon’s scam search tool that tricks you into paying 29% more than the best match for your query? Not a ripoff. We do it with an app.

Once we killed competition – stopped putting down rat poison – we got cartels – the rats ate our faces. And the cartels captured their regulators – the rats bought out the poison factory and shut it down.

So companies aren’t constrained by competition or regulation.

But you know what? This is tech, and tech is different.IIt’s different because it’s flexible. Because our computers are Turing-complete universal von Neumann machines. That means that any enshittificatory alteration to a program can be disenshittified with another program.

Every time HP jacks up the price of ink , they invite a competitor to market a refill kit or a compatible cartridge.

When Tesla installs code that says you have to pay an extra monthly fee to use your whole battery, they invite a modder to start selling a kit to jailbreak that battery and charge it all the way up.

Lemme take you through a little example of how that works: Imagine this is a product design meeting for our company’s website, and the guy leading the meeting says “Dudes, you know how our KPI is topline ad-revenue? Well, I’ve calculated that if we make the ads just 20% more invasive and obnoxious, we’ll boost ad rev by 2%”

This is a good pitch. Hit that KPI and everyone gets a fat bonus. We can all take our families on a luxury ski vacation in Switzerland.

But here’s the thing: someone’s gonna stick their arm up – someone who doesn’t give a shit about user well-being, and that person is gonna say, “I love how you think, Elon. But has it occurred to you that if we make the ads 20% more obnoxious, then 40% of our users will go to a search engine and type 'How do I block ads?'"

I mean, what a nightmare! Because once a user does that, the revenue from that user doesn’t rise to 102%. It doesn’t stay at 100% It falls to zero, forever.

[Any guesses why?]

Because no user ever went back to the search engine and typed, 'How do I start seeing ads again?'

Once the user jailbreaks their phone or discovers third party ink, or develops a relationship with an independent Tesla mechanic who’ll unlock all the DLC in their car, that user is gone, forever.

Interoperability – that latent property bequeathed to us courtesy of Herrs Turing and Von Neumann and their infinitely flexible, universal machines – that is a serious check on enshittification.

The fact that Congress hasn’t passed a privacy law since 1988 Is countered, at least in part, by the fact that the majority of web users are now running ad-blockers, which are also tracker-blockers.

But no one’s ever installed a tracker-blocker for an app. Because reverse engineering an app puts in you jeopardy of criminal and civil prosecution under Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, with penalties of a 5-year prison sentence and a $500k fine for a first offense.

And violating its terms of service puts you in jeopardy under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1986, which is the law that Ronald Reagan signed in a panic after watching Wargames (seriously!).

Helping other users violate the terms of service can get you hit with a lawsuit for tortious interference with contract. And then there’s trademark, copyright and patent.

All that nonsense we call “IP,” but which Jay Freeman of Cydia calls “Felony Contempt of Business Model."

So if we’re still at that product planning meeting and now it’s time to talk about our app, the guy leading the meeting says, “OK, so we’ll make the ads in the app 20% more obnoxious to pull a 2% increase in topline ad rev?”

And that person who objected to making the website 20% worse? Their hand goes back up. Only this time they say “Why don’t we make the ads 100% more invasive and get a 10% increase in ad rev?"

Because it doesn't matter if a user goes to a search engine and types, “How do I block ads in an app." The answer is: you can't. So YOLO, enshittify away.

“IP” is just a euphemism for “any law that lets me reach outside my company’s walls to exert coercive control over my critics, competitors and customers,” and “app” is just a euphemism for “A web page skinned with the right IP so that protecting your privacy while you use it is a felony.”

Interop used to keep companies from enshittifying. If a company made its client suck, someone would roll out an alternative client, if they ripped a feature out and wanted to sell it back to you as a monthly subscription, someone would make a compatible plugin that restored it for a one-time fee, or for free.

To help people flee Myspace, FB gave them bots that you’d load with your login credentials. It would scrape your waiting Myspace messages and put ‘em in your FB inbox, and login to Myspace and paste your replies into your Myspace outbox. So you didn’t have to choose between the people you loved on Myspace, and Facebook, which launched with a promise never to spy on you. Remember that?!

Thanks to the metastasis of IP, all that is off the table today. Apple owes its very existence to iWork Suite, whose Pages, Numbers and Keynote are file-compatible with Microsoft’s Word, Excel and Powerpoint. But make an IOS runtime that’ll play back the files you bought from Apple’s stores on other platforms, and they’ll nuke you til you glow.

FB wouldn’t have had a hope of breaking Myspace’s grip on social media without that scrape, but scrape FB today in support of an alternative client and their lawyers will bomb you til the rubble bounces.

Google scraped every website in the world to create its search index. Try and scrape Google and they’ll have your head on a pike.

When they did it, it was progress. When you do it to them, that’s piracy. Every pirate wants to be an admiral.

Because this handful of companies has so thoroughly captured their regulators, they can wield the power of the state against you when you try to break their grip on power, even as their own flagrant violations of our rights go unpunished. Because they do them with an app.

Tech lost its fear of competitin it neutralized the threat from regulators, and then put them in harness to attack new startups that might do unto them as they did unto the companies that came before them.

But even so, there was a force that kept our bosses in check That force was us. Tech workers.

Tech workers have historically been in short supply, which gave us power, and our bosses knew it.

To get us to work crazy hours, they came up with a trick. They appealed to our love of technology, and told us that we were heroes of a digital revolution, who would “organize the world’s information and make it useful,” who would “bring the world closer together.”

They brought in expert set-dressers to turn our workplaces into whimsical campuses with free laundry, gourmet cafeterias, massages, and kombucha, and a surgeon on hand to freeze our eggs so that we could work through our fertile years.

They convinced us that we were being pampered, rather than being worked like government mules.

This trick has a name. Fobazi Ettarh, the librarian-theorist, calls it “vocational awe, and Elon Musk calls it being “extremely hardcore.”

This worked very well. Boy did we put in some long-ass hours!

But for our bosses, this trick failed badly. Because if you miss your mother’s funeral and to hit a deadline, and then your boss orders you to enshittify that product, you are gonna experience a profound moral injury, which you are absolutely gonna make your boss share.

Because what are they gonna do? Fire you? They can’t hire someone else to do your job, and you can get a job that’s even better at the shop across the street.

So workers held the line when competition, regulation and interop failed.

But eventually, supply caught up with demand. Tech laid off 260,000 of us last year, and another 100,000 in the first half of this year.

You can’t tell your bosses to go fuck themselves, because they’ll fire your ass and give your job to someone who’ll be only too happy to enshittify that product you built.

That’s why this is all happening right now. Our bosses aren’t different. They didn’t catch a mind-virus that turned them into greedy assholes who don’t care about our users’ wellbeing or the quality of our products.

As far as our bosses have always been concerned, the point of the business was to charge the most, and deliver the least, while sharing as little as possible with suppliers, workers, users and customers. They’re not running charities.

Since day one, our bosses have shown up for work and yanked as hard as they can on the big ENSHITTIFICATION lever behind their desks, only that lever didn’t move much. It was all gummed up by competition, regulation, interop and workers.

As those sources of friction melted away, the enshittification lever started moving very freely.

Which sucks, I know. But think about this for a sec: our bosses, despite being wildly imperfect vessels capable of rationalizing endless greed and cheating, nevertheless oversaw a series of actually great products and services.

Not because they used to be better people, but because they used to be subjected to discipline.

So it follows that if we want to end the enshittocene, dismantle the enshitternet, and build a new, good internet that our bosses can’t wreck, we need to make sure that these constraints are durably installed on that internet, wound around its very roots and nerves. And we have to stand guard over it so that it can’t be dismantled again.

A new, good internet is one that has the positive aspects of the old, good internet: an ethic of technological self-determination, where users of technology (and hackers, tinkerers, startups and others serving as their proxies) can reconfigure and mod the technology they use, so that it does what they need it to do, and so that it can’t be used against them.

But the new, good internet will fix the defects of the old, good internet, the part that made it hard to use for anyone who wasn’t us. And hell yeah we can do that. Tech bosses swear that it’s impossible, that you can’t have a conversation friend without sharing it with Zuck; or search the web without letting Google scrape you down to the viscera; or have a phone that works reliably without giving Apple a veto over the software you install.

They claim that it’s a nonsense to even ponder this kind of thing. It’s like making water that’s not wet. But that’s bullshit. We can have nice things. We can build for the people we love, and give them a place that’s worth of their time and attention.

To do that, we have to install constraints.

The first constraint, remember, is competition. We’re living through a epochal shift in competition policy. After 40 years with antitrust enforcement in an induced coma, a wave of antitrust vigor has swept through governments all over the world. Regulators are stepping in to ban monopolistic practices, open up walled gardens, block anticompetitive mergers, and even unwind corrupt mergers that were undertaken on false pretenses.

Normally this is the place in the speech where I’d list out all the amazing things that have happened over the past four years. The enforcement actions that blocked companies from becoming too big to care, and that scared companies away from even trying.

Like Wiz, which just noped out of the largest acquisition offer in history, turning down Google’s $23b cashout, and deciding to, you know, just be a fucking business that makes money by producing a product that people want and selling it at a competitive price.

Normally, I’d be listing out FTC rulemakings that banned noncompetes nationwid. Or the new merger guidelines the FTC and DOJ cooked up, which – among other things – establish that the agencies should be considering whether a merger will negatively impact privacy.

I had a whole section of this stuff in my notes, a real victory lap, but I deleted it all this week.

[Can anyone guess why?]

That’s right! This week, Judge Amit Mehta, ruling for the DC Circuit of these United States of America, In the docket 20-3010 a case known as United States v. Google LLC, found that “Google is a monopolist, and it has acted as one to maintain its monopoly," and ordered Google and the DOJ to propose a schedule for a remedy, like breaking the company up.

So yeah, that was pretty fucking epic.

Now, this antitrust stuff is pretty esoteric, and I won’t gatekeep you or shame you if you wanna keep a little distance on this subject. Nearly everyone is an antitrust normie, and that's OK. But if you’re a normie, you’re probably only catching little bits and pieces of the narrative, and let me tell you, the monopolists know it and they are flooding the zone.

The Wall Street Journal has published over 100 editorials condemning FTC Chair Lina Khan, saying she’s an ineffectual do-nothing, wasting public funds chasing doomed, quixotic adventures against poor, innocent businesses accomplishing nothing

[Does anyone out there know who owns the Wall Street Journal?]

That’s right, it’s Rupert Murdoch. Do you really think Rupert Murdoch pays his editorial board to write one hundred editorials about someone who’s not getting anything done?

The reality is that in the USA, in the UK, in the EU, in Australia, in Canada, in Japan, in South Korea, even in China, we are seeing more antitrust action over the past four years than over the preceding forty years.

Remember, competition law is actually pretty robust. The problem isn’t the law, It’s the enforcement priorities. Reagan put antitrust in mothballs 40 years ago, but that elegant weapon from a more civilized age is now back in the hands of people who know how to use it, and they’re swinging for the fences.

Next up: regulation.

As the seemingly inescapable power of the tech giants is revealed for the sham it always was, governments and regulators are finally gonna kill the “one weird trick” of violating the law, and saying “It doesn’t count, we did it with an app.”

Like in the EU, they’re rolling out the Digital Markets Act this year. That’s a law requiring dominant platforms to stand up APIs so that third parties can offer interoperable services.

So a co-op, a nonprofit, a hobbyist, a startup, or a local government agency wil eventuallyl be able to offer, say, a social media server that can interconnect with one of the dominant social media silos, and users who switch to that new platform will be able to continue to exchange messages with the users they follow and groups they belong to, so the switching costs will fall to damned near zero.

That’s a very cool rule, but what’s even cooler is how it’s gonna be enforced. Previous EU tech rules were “regulations” as in the GDPR – the General Data Privacy Regulation. EU regs need to be “transposed” into laws in each of the 27 EU member states, so they become national laws that get enforced by national courts.

For Big Tech, that means all previous tech regulations are enforced in Ireland, because Ireland is a tax haven, and all the tech companies fly Irish flags of convenience.

Here’s the thing: every tax haven is also a crime haven. After all, if Google can pretend it’s Irish this week, it can pretend to be Cypriot, or Maltese, or Luxembougeious next week. So Ireland has to keep these footloose criminal enterprises happy, or they’ll up sticks and go somewhere else.

This is why the GDPR is such a goddamned joke in practice. Big tech wipes its ass with the GDPR, and the only way to punish them starts with Ireland’s privacy commissioner, who barely bothers to get out of bed. This is an agency that spends most of its time watching cartoons on TV in its pajamas and eating breakfast cereal. So all of the big GDPR cases go to Ireland and they die there.

This is hardly a secret. The European Commission knows it’s going on. So with the DMA, the Commission has changed things up: The DMA is an “Act,” not a “Regulation.” Meaning it gets enforced in the EU’s federal courts, bypassing the national courts in crime-havens like Ireland.

In other words, the “we violate privacy law, but we do it with an app” gambit that worked on Ireland’s toothless privacy watchdog is now a dead letter, because EU federal judges have no reason to swallow that obvious bullshit.

Here in the US, the dam is breaking on federal consumer privacy law – at last!

Remember, our last privacy law was passed in 1988 to protect the sanctity of VHS rental history. It's been a minute.

And the thing is, there's a lot of people who are angry about stuff that has some nexus with America's piss-poor privacy landscape. Worried that Facebook turned grampy into a Qanon? That Insta made your teen anorexic? That TikTok is brainwashing millennials into quoting Osama Bin Laden? Or that cops are rolling up the identities of everyone at a Black Lives Matter protest or the Jan 6 riots by getting location data from Google? Or that Red State Attorneys General are tracking teen girls to out-of-state abortion clinics? Or that Black people are being discriminated against by online lending or hiring platforms? Or that someone is making AI deepfake porn of you?

A federal privacy law with a private right of action – which means that individuals can sue companies that violate their privacy – would go a long way to rectifying all of these problems

There's a pretty big coalition for that kind of privacy law! Which is why we have seen a procession of imperfect (but steadily improving) privacy laws working their way through Congress.

If you sign up for EFF’s mailing list at eff.org we’ll send you an email when these come up, so you can call your Congressjerk or Senator and talk to them about it. Or better yet, make an appointment to drop by their offices when they’re in their districts, and explain to them that you’re not just a registered voter from their district, you’re the kind of elite tech person who goes to Defcon, and then explain the bill to them. That stuff makes a difference.

What about self-help? How are we doing on making interoperability legal again, so hackers can just fix shit without waiting for Congress or a federal agency to act?

All the action here these day is in the state Right to Repair fight. We’re getting state R2R bills, like the one that passed this year in Oregon that bans parts pairing, where DRM is used to keep a device from using a new part until it gets an authorized technician’s unlock code.

These bills are pushed by a fantastic group of organizations called the Repair Coalition, at Repair.org, and they’ll email you when one of these laws is going through your statehouse, so you can meet with your state reps and explain to the JV squad the same thing you told your federal reps.

Repair.org’s prime mover is Ifixit, who are genuine heroes of the repair revolution, and Ifixit’s founder, Kyle Wiens, is here at the con. When you see him, you can shake his hand and tell him thanks, and that’ll be even better if you tell him that you’ve signed up to get alerts at repair.org!

Now, on to the final way that we reverse enhittification and build that new, good internet: you, the tech labor force.

For years, your bosses tricked you into thinking you were founders in waiting, temporarily embarrassed entrepreneurs who were only momentarily drawing a salary.

You certainly weren’t workers. Your power came from your intrinsic virtue, not like those lazy slobs in unions who have to get their power through that kumbaya solidarity nonsense.

It was a trick. You were scammed. The power you had came from scarcity, and so when the scarcity ended, when the industry started ringing up six-figure annual layoffs, your power went away with it.

The only durable source of power for tech workers is as workers, in a union.

Think about Amazon. Warehouse workers have to piss in bottles and have the highest rate of on-the-job maimings of any competing business. Whereas Amazon coders get to show up for work with facial piercings, green mohawks, and black t-shirts that say things their bosses don’t understand. They can piss whenever they want!

That’s not because Jeff Bezos or Andy Jassy loves you guys. It’s because they’re scared you’ll quit and they don’t know how to replace you.

Time for the second obligatory William Gibson quote: “The future is here, it’s just not evenly distributed.” You know who’s living in the future?. Those Amazon blue-collar workers. They are the bleeding edge.

Drivers whose eyeballs are monitored by AI cameras that do digital phrenology on their faces to figure out whether to dock their pay, warehouse workers whose bodies are ruined in just months.

As tech bosses beef up that reserve army of unemployed, skilled tech workers, then those tech workers – you all – will arrive at the same future as them.

Look, I know that you’ve spent your careers explaining in words so small your boss could understand them that you refuse to enshittify the company’s products, and I thank you for your service.

But if you want to go on fighting for the user, you need power that’s more durable than scarcity. You need a union. Wanna learn how? Check out the Tech Workers Coalition and Tech Solidarity, and get organized.

Enshittification didn’t arise because our bosses changed. They were always that guy.

They were always yankin’ on that enshittification lever in the C-suite.

What changed was the environment, everything that kept that switch from moving.

And that’s good news, in a bankshot way, because it means we can make good services out of imperfect people. As a wildly imperfect person myself, I find this heartening.

The new good internet is in our grasp: an internet that has the technological self-determination of the old, good internet, and the greased-skids simplicity of Web 2.0 that let all our normie friends get in on the fun.

Tech bosses want you to think that good UX and enshittification can’t ever be separated. That’s such a self-serving proposition you can spot it from orbit. We know it, 'cause we built the old good internet, and we’ve been fighting a rear-guard action to preserve it for the past two decades.

It’s time to stop playing defense. It's time to go on the offensive. To restore competition, regulation, interop and tech worker power so that we can create the new, good internet we’ll need to fight fascism, the climate emergency, and genocide.

To build a digital nervous system for a 21st century in which our children can thrive and prosper.

Community voting for SXSW is live! If you wanna hear RIDA QADRI and me talk about how GIG WORKERS can DISENSHITTIFY their jobs with INTEROPERABILITY, VOTE FOR THIS ONE!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/17/hack-the-planet/#how-about-a-nice-game-of-chess

Image: https://twitter.com/igama/status/1822347578094043435/ (cropped)

@[email protected] (cropped)

https://mamot.fr/@[email protected]/112963252835869648

CC BY 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.pt

#pluralistic #defcon #defcon 32 #hackers #enshittification #speeches #transcripts #disenshittify or die #Youtube

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lukolathoughts · 6 months ago

Text

Dearest Gentle readers,

I have been a member of Tumblr for a while without posting a blog entry. I suppose I have been getting the lay of the land and trying to formulate my thoughts. As most of you know, I am a tarot reader on YouTube and I also share my thoughts on X. I am a Lukola through and through and no amount of bullying, intimidation, nasty comments etc. will deter me from my mission. The last few weeks my trolling comments have increased exponentially from what I can only assume are desperate Jakehole's, (apparently I am credited for making the term 'Jakehole' up, I actually have no idea if it was me or not, but I like it) trying to convince me that Nicola is with Jake and Luke is with Antonia. I will come to my thoughts on this in a moment.

I do realise that a public tarot reader, I put myself at risk to exposure and criticism from these types of people. I am fully aware of that. What I underestimate sometimes is the sheer vitriol they come with. I am an empath also and I absorb a lot of a energy, not just from the fandom, Luke and Nic and adjacents, but from my own life as well. I am a teacher and I am surrounded by a lot of people daily. I have always used my television shows as a coping mechanism to detach from reality and 'switch off'. I never thought this time last year I'd be sharing tarot readings on YouTube about a real life celebrity couple that I was barely aware of in January 2024. But here we are. Bridgerton season 3 took hold of my brain and injected some sort of magic crack into it and I haven't been the same since. Don't get me started on the press tour. I've never seen anything like it and it was honestly like a spiritual awakening.

But I digress, I have been reading for a few years and learning the tarot cards and their meanings. I have watched countless YT videos by other readers and I came into this fandom watching the OG tarot readers of the fandom. I do not see myself as any different or special, I just read the cards as they come out. I also repeatedly say 'this is for fun and entertainment purposes only, I do not personally know Luke and Nicola'. And the fact of the matter is I don't know them, none of us do. I do not follow them around all day like some weird little psychic Martha from Baby Reindeer. I merely read the energy of the cards and I observe.

Why I love teaching English so much for me, is there is never a right or wrong answer in English Literature. It is up to your interpretation and all about reading the subtext of what is really going on. Now you might call me delusional, but I have always had an uncanny knack for predicting who the murderer in a story is before the end of a novel. It's called critical thinking. This drives my husband mad because he is very black and white and for him 2+2 = 4. Simple as. For me, I'm like wait a minute, what if... My brain is like a whimsical, magical unicorn sometimes, but I always go with my gut and my intuition. I will NOT waver on my intuition because I believe it is stronger than my rational mind.

Ok, so here we go. In my opinion haters!! Nicola is not now or ever has been with Jake Dunn romantically. My readings tell me he sees her as mother figure and mentor. Jake is clearly gay and most likely in some sort of relationship with Dylan. I think the Jakehole ship is a dead, rotting corpse. Nicola and Jake have reached the end of their agreement where she provides him with networking opportunities in exchange for some possible PR diversion to take the heat off Nicola's real relationship. William Tell is out. Luke is home from Rome, there is no need for Jake anymore. I also get the feeling from my readings that Jake is tired. Nicola is tired and Dylan is doing his best to set the narrative straight. I do not need tarot cards for this, it's blindingly obvious. As far as I know, Jake has no straight male friends. It is extremely rare in UK culture for straight men to hang out with all gay men and feel secure about that. It's just the way things are. I am not saying Jake and Nic are not friends, of course they are and I won't begrudge them that. I think he has a lot of genuine affection for her, but he also sees her as someone who can get him places and opportunities which we have seen time and time again.

And now we come to Antonia. I know she is only 23/4 and young and whatever. I have taught students older than her. But I will be truthful and say I don't like her energy. I don't like reading on her. I don't trust her little dancing self. I did have some sympathy for her in October as I had big crushes on boys when I was young, I get it. Luke is hot. But that pasta video she shared in Rome (a video she could have got from anywhere and shared an hour after she had seen Luke had been there) by her was mean, malicious and intentional to hurt the fandom. Her flouncing around with a shitty red bag always implying she's in Luke's vicinity is also callous and calculating and she's shared so much pasta stories now, it almost puts me off eating it. Almost, I love pasta. The biggest takeaway for me is she was not with Luke this Christmas and NYE. It is well documented where she was. We do not not know where Luke was, but we do know Nic was spotted with a lovely tan at the WT premiere. Could Antonia be PR? I sigh, because I think it's more complicated than that. In my readings, I do pick up a delusional obsession from her in regards to Luke. But she is convenient to bring up when they need her. I know the haters will call me delusional for thinking this and as my husband would say if 2 + 2 = 4 then it's 4.

But is it 4? Is it so straightforward as that? My intuition is telling me no, it's not. We have had no sign of Luke being anywhere near Antonia since July in Sorrento when he jumped on a plane and left two days early alone. All Antonia has are literally pasta videos and photos, that I am convinced, enraged Luke. She is giving me serious Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction vibes.

Let's address the elephant in the room. The comment by 'Luke's mum' on her private FB account to a relative. I think it's bullshit. I have three boys and I'm telling you now I would walk through fire if anyone touched a hair on their heads. I will go to prison for my kids. If I was Luke's mum and some 23 year old dancer had systematically tried to ruin my son's career, and she did folks, I would not be writing on a public page outing her as my son's girlfriend. It is all too suspicious and convenient. I could speculate for hours on what has happened, but you guys have group chats and your own brains for that. As one ship falls, another one rises in an unexplained manner.

In conclusion, yes I do believe Nic and Luke are together and this is a very important time for them right now. The silence is LOUD for me. I keep getting the four of swords for Nic. She is resting and taking care of herself in the way that she should. Luke is in a besotted Emperor mode. All is good. Until Nic and Luke specify otherwise, that is what I am sticking with.

#lukola #luke newton #nicluke #nicola coughlan

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maybankslover · 1 year ago

Note

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7cXzFXA4vW/?igsh=MWR5ZWRmdWt0NDN6Yw== this but Rafe x mom!reader and reader is insecure of her body after birth and Rafe always knew she was insecure it but didn’t know she stopped eating so then ig that’s where the video part comes in

dropped your hand while dancing, the reality universe- rafe cameron

drabble- you're still beautiful

requested

warnings: mention of eating disorder, mention of insecurities, mention of birth, mention of postpartum depression.

summary: after giving birth she's trying to find herself in the mirror again even if that includes putting her health at risk

a/n: i hope it's okay i did it in the dropped your hand while dancing universe, the reality after the last chapter. <3

series masterlist

after they found out she was pregnant on that sunday morning, rafe could notice how much the thought of gaining weight roamed around her mind but after the fifth month of pregnancy the worry was mostly gone.

now with a two month old sky in their lives, rafe started to notice the return of those thoughts. he knew about the insecurity it caused her to be naked in front of him even if he reminded her time and time again that she was the most beautiful woman in the world, before, during and after pregnancy. it was no secret that she hadn't lost all the weight she had gained during it but her body was returning to her original figure.

it started with reducing the portions of food she ate.

"baby? there isn't more food?" he asked looking at her plate, the portion less than half of what he had on his plate.

"there's more, i'm not that hungry." she gave him a samile that didn't fool him at all.

"if you say so."

then it with excesive work out's.

"you're going to the gym again?" he asked narrowing his eyes while holding their baby-girl.

"yep, there's milk in the frigde. i pumped this morning hon." she kissed his lips and kissed sky's head. "i'll be back in two hours, call me if anything happens."

and the last straw for rafe to flip out was when she passed out one afternoon while making some tea with something her mom had baked them.

"hon?" y/n said to him. "i'm not feeling-" but the sentence didn't end, her body dropped to the floor, crashing the plate she had in her hand in the process.

he rushed to her side. "y/n!" he picked her body up, taking her to the couch. "baby!" he started to freak out when after his fifth try, she still wasn't waking up.

the ambulance he called arrived a minute before she regained consciousness.

"you have really low blood pressure for your age and while breast-feeding." the doctor said. "are you eating healthy?"

"yes, been on a diet for the last month. trying to loose the wight i gained while pregnant." she answered and looked at rafe, who had an angry expression on his face.

"i'm going to give you an order to do a medical check and you should visit your doctor, i believe you have low iron and need to get that in order."

after thanking the doctor and closing the door, rafe came back with the same expression she had seen before in his face.

"i'll give you two seconds to explain to me what the hell have you been doing to yourself brefore i loose my fucking mind!" he exclaimed.

"i-" she stopped talking and looked at him.

"you what?" he was loosing his temper, he never did with her but what happened twisted every engine in his head.

"i don't like how i look anymore! i don't like it, i have loose skin everywhere, even down there looks weird. i'd go through everything again to get sky but i hate how my body looks rafe." the tears swelled in her eyes and his softned, getting closer to her.

"you look beautiful, i get what you're saying i do but you can't do what you've been doing to yourself. it's not healthy, you're two months post-partum give youserlf a break." he sighs. "we can go see a nutricionist and your doctor, you need to be healthy for yourself and for sky. you're her source of nutrients."

"you don't hate me?" her lip trembled.

"i could never hate you. i love you but i was worried about you. it isn't healthy." he leans down to press a kiss to her lips. "i know it won't do anything because you see yourself the way you told me but you're beautiful. you've always been beautiful, before pregnancy, during and now in the post."

"i love you." she smiled at him.

he would do everything in his power to keep her healthy and happy, reminding her she's the most beautiful woman in his eyes.

taglist: @chenslucy @gillybear17 @imliterallyamirrorball @nichmeddar @gillybooboo @julczimozart @bellbottombaby @silkylovey @droppedyourhnd @jaydaaasworld @congratsloserr @carrerascameron @m1santhropicc @wearemadeofstardust0 @chiaraanatra @rlalliehayes @ijustwanttoreadlols @sunny1616 @theoraekenslover @user123453226780536 @isaidoop @belle101200 @blisslove

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logan-but-not · 5 months ago

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I've been replaying Deltarune recently and interacting with the fandom a lot more. And I've become quite fond of Krisuselle (a polyamorous ship including Kris, Susie, and Noelle). To the point where I think it might be one of my favorite ships of all time. And since I've apparently got nothing better to do. I figured, i'd write a post detailing what about it I and others find so appealing about it. Let's get started:

Right off the bat, one of the things that makes deltarune more appealing in a shipping sense to me is the cast. Nothing against Undertale, of course, it's got one of my favorite groups of characters in anything ever. Everyone is so charming, they're far more complex than at first glance, and they all have well written character arcs. Same goes for Deltarune. But the major thing that differentiates the two is that Deltarune is mostly compromised of kids. Teens yes, but still kids. Kids who aren't really sure who they are yet. Compared to Undertale, where pretty much everyone had at least a bit of understanding of their life, the cast of Deltarune is far more nebulous. They're emotional, immature, dependent, and act like how any other kid would. And then all of a sudden, they're thrusted into this huge adventure where they have to decide the fate of their world. It's a massive responsibility that flips their entire world view. But through that journey, they learn to mature, reconnect, and accept their roles or even defy them. And as someone who is still going through the transition from teenager to adult, I identify with these characters. The self-discovery of who you want to be and what you want to do is something that I, and a lot of others have gone through. And one of the aspects of that journey is love.

Which is why Kris, Susie, and Noelle appeal to me so much. With only two chapters worth of narrative, we've already seen so much of how their lives has been thrown into turmoil. Noelle lost her sister, Susie is implied to have a rough homelife, and Kris has lost literally lost their own will. And yet, despite that, they each have a deep affection for the others. And they come to discover that as they traverse the Dark World. And each of their individual relationships is so unqiue. To the point where I could write whole sections on them. Which I will now do.

Kris and Susie get off to rocky start. They're both put together not of their own volition to do something they never signed up for, figuertaively and literally. And at first, they're pretty antagonistic to each other, almost like rivals, and understandably so. They're both seen as the weird kid, freaks. They've been ostracized from the rest of the world for as long as they can remember.

But as they venture through the Dark World, the both of start to ease up. They learn more about each other and begin to finally start trusting one another. And as they do, they start to grow into the heroes the prophecy foretold them to be. And they both play off the other's strengths to make them into better characters.

Kris inspires Susie to finally let down her emotional walls and allow herself to trust, and use her fighting spirit in a constructive way rather than just break everything she sees.

Likewise, Susie helps Kris to learn how to be a leader, and she is the first legitimate social bond Kris has made since Asriel left. They both make each other better, stronger.

And that's another interesting thing about their relationship. They're not archetypal heroes. When they're thrust into this huge conflict where the two of them are supposed to be the heroes, they reject it. It's most notable with Susie, but Kris does too in subtler ways. And even when they do accept their roles, there's always this sense of rebellion in them. They will be the heroes of this story, but they refuse to let anyone write this story but themselves. Renegades.

Susie and Noelle, on the other hand, have a very different relationship. One that had hints as early as Chapter 1 but really started in 2. At first glance, it just seems like the whole lovesick girl and oblivious crush stereotype (but gay so it's infinitely better). But like almost everything from Toby Fox, appearances may be deceiving. What makes their relationship so fascinating is why Susie and Noelle have affection for each other.

For Noelle, she's drawn to Susie because of her free spirited and rebellious nature. She's not afraid to break the rules or take a stand for what she thinks is right. It's such a contrast from Noelle where she's expected to be this perfect girl who does as she's told, is the top of her class, and knows how to take care of herself on her own. And we can see that she clearly can't always handle it, especially considering her past. In a frightening world where Noelle has lost the biggest crutch of her life, Dess, Susie represents everything that Noelle thinks she needs. Someone to help save this poor Lost Girl.

Susie, meanwhile, is drawn to Noelle because she was the one person who never hated her. Everyone in her life seemed to always be against her, so she lashed out, which did nothing but isolate her more. She had to learn how to fend for herself. At least, that's what she thinks to herself. But throughout it all, Noelle never hated her. By her own admission, Noelle would see the aggression and callousness from Susie and just offer a kind smile in return. And Susie always appreciated that.

The two represent what the other needs on an emotional level. Someone to help Noelle step out of her comfort zone, learn to actually live her life, and find the courage to stand up for herself. Someone that Susie can finally let her guard down around and accept genuine compassion and acceptance from, in a way that only Noelle can provide. And the thing is, neither of them had the courage to actually act on their feeling until they got wrapped up the Dark World. And it's not because they weren't aware. Susie may be a bit dense, but she's not oblivious. No, it goes deeper than that. They don't act on their feelings because neither Noelle nor Susie think that the other would feel the same. Noelle thinks that Susie would never like some random deer girl like her. And Susie struggles to believe that ANYONE would really like her in that way. They're two star-crossed lovers that will be forever stuck in this limbo of mutual pining until one of them finally gets the courage to confess.

But my personal favorite relationship is Kris and Noelle. Unlike with Susie, who's kinda seen as the new girl in town, Noelle and Kris have a VAST implied history. They were extremely close in their childhood. They lived next door to each other, their elder siblings were best friends, their families were intertwined, and by all accounts, they seemed to be happy. Everything from the overworld to the cyber city to the newsletters shows us that Kris and Noelle were once the closest of friends.

But then, something happened, something likely related to Noelle's sister Dess. I touched on her a bit in my Suselle section, but it really does seem like Dess was Noelle's anchor. She protected her, encouraged her, stood up for her, everything an older sister should do. And then, something happened to her. The details are a little unclear, but whatever exactly transpired caused Dess to go missing. And it's clear that this broke Noelle, which caused her and Kris to split up a bit. They were still friends, but they had to grow up without each other. It only got worse when Asriel left for University and Kris lost their will.

But then, the Dark World happened. And Kris and Noelle started to reconnect in their journey. And along the way, maybe uncover some new affection for the other. They're reminded of their time together when they were kids, when everything was so simple. When they both had someone who could comfort them. But things are different now, but that doesn't mean they can't still be friends. And maybe they don't need to face their struggles alone anymore. And that's what I love so much about these two. It's such a tender and soft relationship. There's never any big romantic display. They don't need it. They show their affection in more sublte ways.

Like when Noelle feels reassured when Kris says that they're friends. When she reminisces about their childhood toghether in the city. How she feels sorry for Kris for getting hurt by Susie. And how she is the only one to notice something is wrong with Kris on the Weird Route and how she vows to help them. Noelle has been estranged from Kris for so long that she thinks that the two of them can never be close again. But seeing Kris trying to reach back out to her makes her realize that they still are friends.

Kris also shows a lot of affection for Noelle as well. They encourage her to make a move on Susie because they know she has a crush on her. They constantly play pranks on her. They would play piano for Noelle when they were young. They make sure to look after her after Rudy asked. They get upset when we bully her at the laser gate. And they try to fight against our control in the Snowgrave route at every turn. Kris doesn't want to lose the last remnant of their childhood. The one friend they always had, no matter what.

And this relationship gets even more interesting when you consider how it diverges in the Weird Route. Because it only works because Noelle trusts Kris. We, the player, are using Kris as a pawn to force Noelle to commit horrible acts and even willingly put herself in harms way. Noelle has to try and convince herself that her lifelong friend isn't really making her kill people, including her friend. And Kris has no choice but to go along with it, despite clearly never wanting this. Nothing more than a puppet on our strings. And that's not even getting into the marital themes where Kris and Noelle are forced into symbolically archetypal husband and wife roles, respectively. It's honestly crazy how simultaneously similar and different the two outcomes are. Instead of the both of them reconnecting naturally over nostalgia and a shared adventure, they're forced apart even further apart by a new outside force. And yet, this strengthens their resolve to help the other. The same two friends, but twisted and warped into something so disturbing and sadistic.

Kris and Noelle's relationship is so rich with personal history and buried feelings that it's honestly almost overwhelming. There's so much nuance and ambiguity that it can be interpreted as romantic or platonic as you prefer. And yet it's so different from the other two relationships or really any relationship that Toby has ever wrote. They're two childhood friends who drifted apart over some traumatizing event, who both began to reconnect through a shared adventure and maybe discover something even deeper. It's one of my favorite aspects of Deltarune as a whole if I'm being honest.

And honestly, I could say that for all three of the relationships. Each one individually on it's own is so enveloping and has so much potential. But when the three are together, they just feel... complete. Kris and Susie, rivals turned to comrades. Susie and Noelle, a blossoming star-crossed romance. Noelle and Kris, long-lost childhood friends who thaw out their frozen hearts. Everyone of those dynamics bounces off of each other so well. And here's the other thing, no ever comes off as a third wheel. Kris acts as a wingman (wingthem?) for susie and Noelle, actively encouraging them to interact and open up. Susie is the catalyst that leads Noelle and Kris to reconnect and looks out for the both of them, making sure they're both safe and happy. And Noelle acts as a comfort to both Susie and Kris, allowing them to open up around her, and she's content to let them be the heroes of her story. They're all just kids who love each other.

And I think that's why this ship appeals to me so much. Because despite all the supernatural and mystical elements of Deltarune's story. The relationships of these three are really grounded. Toby Fox managed to write an incredibly endearing, and incredibly realistic portrayal of teenage love. Because that's what they are, teenagers. They may be emotional, they may make mistakes, they may become distant and closed off, they may be scared of what the world has in store for them. But they can still grow. They don't need to take on the world by themselves, They can learn to let out their emotions and be who they want to be. They can still learn to feel love. Whether it's for your partner in crime or the girl next door, your oblivious crush or your old best friend, your sister in arms or your childhood sweetheart. You can always find love. And there will always be those who can help you along the way.

And I think that's a really profound message.

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singukieee · 1 year ago

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—my all time favourite bts fics (pt. 2) ᯓᡣ𐭩

consists of my personal favourite bts fics that I've read countless of times. including those from other platforms, such as Wattpad, AO3, and Patreon.

For some works that are cross-posted between tumblr and wp/ao3, I'd only link them to the latters bcs I find it easier to read and navigate the stories on those. but I also tagged all the authors I know are here and linked the rest so you can check their blogs out yourself!

I'll also separate this list into several parts simply because there's too many... So it'd be easier for you guys to navigate!

red means unfinished

blue means finished

🗯️ curator's note

(sorted by alphabetical order)

Dreams of You by seoktishie

You are a theater actress who dreams of becoming a successful Broadway star. You’ve dedicated your whole life hustling for the show, surrounded by a supportive family and friends you never thought you would lose your best friend and boyfriend on the same day. This puts your dreams to a halt, and you decide to take a break and a soul-searching trip to Korea, where you meet a successful artist that reconnects your love for the arts. OR You accidentally meet Kim Namjoon of BTS, and you had no idea of how an amazing person he is nor how he is the leader of the biggest boyband to date!

🗯️ the yearning and pining *chef's kiss*

Epiphany by 2stanornot2stan

Your soulmate mark seemed self-centred to you "I'm the one I should love" Who would ever want to love someone with that as their soulmate mark?

🗯️ this one is painful. but writing's so good, doesn't fail in pulling my heartstrings.

Escapade by bonnehh_

"Where the hell am I?!" He shrieked, stumbling over his feet like a newborn deer. He was a panicking mess, spinning around in circles to see the unfamiliar sight of giant trees and bushy plants covering the land. The forest was heavily rich with greenery, vegetation and strange fruits. Fallen leaves covered the ground, creating a crunching sound after every step he took. "Calm down, Sweets." I calmly voiced amidst his loud screeches. My words cut through his mess of a mind making him freeze on his spot. Turning on his heel, he noticed me. He stumbled back immediately, possibly because I was covered in angry, red scratches and the bandages covering my arms alerted the male. "What the fudge?!!?! Who- who are you??" He shouted, alarmed by my…seemingly beaten-up figure. "I'm Diana. Welcome to the game." I smiled softly. Hoping my excitement can keep a hold of itself for the sake of keeping the man from getting scared. Dumbfounded, He could only let one word out, "Huh?". Oh boy.

🗯️ a cool one! many adventures and mc has freakishly good survival skills. this honestly cured my longing for that one fic that's no more that was also survival, adventure and game themed with slight crack. I think it was called 'Ready Player One'? (not that famous book and movie). but I think it was a translated ver of a chinese ff on another platform. Idk I still missed it very much, it was also very good. (If you know anything abt this, pls dm me!)

Ethereal by @purpleyoonn

After leaving your home in need of a fresh start, you open a bookstore with the hopes that the words you read could bring you solace. You never realized that the books you loved would bring you home instead.

🗯️ I love soulmate stories, this author also has good writing so

Euphoric Endeavours by haveagreatday

Through a series of curious happenstances, the Boys of Bangtan - your campus' most popular and most handsome group of individuals - set their sights on you, a regular student with a stubborn streak and a wayward mouth. Strangely enough, the mere sight of them sets your instincts off, red-lights flashing in your brain - danger, danger, danger, danger. It's too bad that they can't seem to leave you alone, though. They like you too much.

🗯️ enemies to lovers, anyone?

Everything Falls (Into Place) by Hiromi_20 / @blog-name-idk

"I… I might know someone who has a spare room," your brother finally muttered hesitantly. You perked up from where the couch had been swallowing you. "What! And you didn't tell me?" You accused. "You'd be living with a bunch of dudes." "Oh my god Jackson," you groaned, rolling your eyes. "The fact that you're even suggesting them means that you know them all and they're good people, right? It's not like they're gonna murder me and hide my body in the walls or something." "Well, yeah, but…" "But WHAT?" you almost screamed in frustration. "They're all… hot." Silence for several moments. Then you started guffawing uncontrollably, unladylike snorts escaping from your lips. "You are such a dork," you gasped between laughs, tears coming to your eyes. "If I promise not to let them gangbang me, will you please ask?"

🗯️ another really well-written crack fic! goshhh this one's so goood! this one's the real friends to lovers, gosh the pining is just *chef's kiss*

Finding My Pack by @untaemedqueen (paid on Patreon but so worth it)

In which an all-alpha pack unexpectedly found their mate isolated in a sterile room. So the only right thing would be to pamper and love her to make up for all those years she spent alone and lonely.

🗯️ spicyy 🥵 but also cute. I love protective mates

Flaw in The System by Strayberry_

She has 8 moons on her wrist. So do they.

🗯️ honestly Idk what to say about this one. just prepare your tissues for this family of misfits that fit so well together.

Full House by fillomina

Y/N has a steady job and lives alone, that is, until she tags along with her friend to the shelter. Jimin, Hobi, and Yoongi have been waiting to get adopted, and their chance has finally arrived. With the small hybrid pack now living with Y/N, her life never has a dull moment. As Y/N gets used to her new family, she also begins learning more about old friends, making new ones, and getting a very full house.

🗯️ I'd say that I don't like the fact that yn's kinda treated as a doormat at some parts, but it's still good and quite well-written found family fic.

Getting Back Into The Swing of Things by @jellifysh

Hearing her voice now, Namjoon was reminded of the times when she was all he had. How she was his everything, supported him with everything she had, even if it meant giving him the shirt off her back. "Joon?" Y/n sniffled. "I know it sounds crazy, you don't even have to, its been years," "No," Namjoon was agreeing before he could even think, before he could even remember the other people who lived in the house just the next room over. "No, its okay, I mean, we promised each other right? We'd never turn our backs on each other?" "You can stay with us, it'll be fine I promise, I'll handle everything, don't worry at all, it'll be great! Like, old times, okay?" Namjoon was tripping over his words now, he just felt like if he didn't see her now, he would be too late for… something. What, he wasn't sure, but there was an urgent need to have her home safe.

🗯️ just re-read this one again literally yesterday, still as good as the first time. I love strangers to friends to lovers.

Her by untouchablerave

The question hangs between you, and you’re desperate to ask it. Usually, you don’t mind much who is on the other end of the appointment, as you’re so focused on a list of kinks, trying to map out a scene in your head, but this time, the ‘who’ is all you can focus on. Your boss looks at you. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this but… do you know BTS?” Your head snaps up in shock. “You’re fucking with me,” you gasp. “I’m dead serious,” your boss replies. “Jeon Jungkook just came of age. He wants to lose it right away.”

🗯️ spicy but soft soft softtt

Hidden Marks series by Havenesa

❶ Hidden Marks

What does it mean to be soulmates? What do I love about her? What is the reason? Does there need to be a rational reason to love someone? Maybe I love her amber eyes, or the way she tries to hide her smile whenever we get into playful arguments, or her love for just living. Maybe I just love her because she is simply just Han Sera.

🗯️ This one's so angsty yet so good, the writing's also so good at making the characters so human that I'd always end up sobbing at every re-read.

❷ Connecting Hearts

What defines a soulmate? Is it the mark that you were born with, only shared with a selected few? Or a bond which was created through pain and suffering? You'll have to read to find out.

Highlight by Alphathyx

Hana attends Atlas Academy of Arts also known as the AAA to pursue her passions in Hiphop with best friend Hoseok and Prince Charming Jimin. The school gets selected along with other arts schools to compete in an inter-school competition which prize could open doors to any arts students dreams. She along with seven boys, discover what it means to love, but a tragic incident spirals the competition and them into a mystery no one saw coming.

🗯️ friendship and struggle to success <3

Hotel California by Deliebre

You are a badass business guru that works for a huge gaming company. Your home is Korea but you travel often. You are in California for work but keep bumping into hot Korean men, which makes you want to do more than bumping...

🗯️ immediate connection... yes please!

In The Dark by BearPawBeach

"How can that be? I am looking right at you. I am speaking to you right now." "That's the thing. I don't know! That's why I came here today. Yesterday, when you laughed at me, you laughed at me. I almost didn't believe it myself, but the more I thought about it, the crazier it sounded. So I came here to see you and to know if you can see me!" she blurted out. He could not believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. "Look, you don't need to lie to me. There is no need to make up some crazy excuse to meet someone." "I'm not lying! I really am invisible," she argued back. The man just threw his hands up to concede and turned to walk away from her again, walking right out of the building. The girl followed in hot pursuit. "Do you really not believe me? Why would I make something like that up? Yes, I know it sounds crazy. If I were you, I would probably think it's nuts too, but I am telling you the truth!"

🗯️ mc is invisible in this one, story's kinda sad and cute!

In Your Roots by sweetinsanityy

Jungkook is the perfect alpha, a little too perfect. Being the youngest in Bangtan, a group full of alpha's, friction has been happening between him and the boys. He's too strong, too dominating, too wild, and too much for Bangtan to handle. The perfect solution? An omega just for himself. You happen to be the perfect candidate. But the other boys want a taste of you as well. Or, you're hired to be an omega for Jungkook to take care of, and maybe he and the rest of the boys get too attached.

🗯️ another one about the boys being absolute simps!

Iridescent Love by @imnotlauriane

From a fated meeting to a life filled with wonders, the path of discovery is much, much harder than what I had prepared myself for. Especially when my identity, the only one I knew of ends up being a total lie.

🗯️ sad... but it got better. and what did I say abt imnotlauriane's stories? they're all good!

It's a Little Complex? by Infired_Mochi

Starting college and moving into a new apartment with complete independence has been your goal. Due to all the hard work at the cafe during your high school years, and your parents pitching in a few dollars, you can afford to stay in the apartment that is just the right size. However, did you get more than you bargained for? A few other college students occupy the rooms next to yours, seven to be exact. Eight rooms reside on the third floor of the apartment complex and yours is on the farthest right wing, apartment number 308. Just wait until you meet them.

🗯️ sooo it's a little complex... just read it!

Late Bloomer by basicwitch13

Despite growing up in a wolf pack, you were never able to shift nor had a second gender present itself. It seemed, by all accounts, that you were a typical human. So you carried on, burying yourself in your work as a sociology professor—until one of your students introduces you to his pack and changes everything.

🗯️ yes to yearning, pining, and healing.

Like Crazy by @euphoricfilter

The story of seven loves across eight lives.

🗯️ so freakin well-written

Little Do You Know... by @yoongiofmine

In a world where idols and actors can’t date, whether it be because of contracts, lack of time, or the dangers that involve having your personal life leaked, the market opened up for a new work field. Playmate Agencies emerged to supply the entertainment world with highly trained companions for hire. Bangtan is looking for new playmates. And you just happen to be the one all of them choose.

🗯️ another idk what to sayy, just read bcs it's so gooood.

Magic Shop by AriZedd

In which Yn is meeting new friends (and an old one) getting charmed day by day.

🗯️ just read this crack fic, strangers to friends to ... I'm obsessed.

PART 1 | PART 3 | PART 4 | NAVI

#san recs #hybrid bts #bts poly #bts x reader #fics recs #bts ot7 #bts ot7 x reader #bts fic

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sadlynotthevoid · 6 months ago

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An enstars social media fic with outsider pov included (aka, fans and the public) must be very funny because then you'd have:

• Random no idol fan person asking why is a highschooler going around with a sword.

• Video compilation of Rei Sakuma acting like a vampire.

• Video compilation of Rei Sakuma acting like an old man.

• Conspiracy theories about Eichi Tenshouin and how he "is totally hiding something guys. I don't trust him!"

• "Yes. Wataru. He's hiding Wataru. Look at his hair! That guy can't be human." As a reply to above.

• Alkaloid spotted accounts because they still believe they're not actually famous.

• Regarding the above point, Mayoi's photos are mostly purple blurs or dark corners where you can see a figure who somehow the fans know it's Mayoi.

• Aira's are taken mostly at idol events— others' idol events. A moment you're waiting in the line with your friend, the next you look back and realize the dude behind is Aira from Alkaloid.

• Tatsumi is greeting or smiling at the person behind the camera in most of his, except when he's getting out of a car. Then he's smiling the brightest— and everyone else is pretty much not.

• Hiiro's are a mix of 'spending time with friends/his brother' or a selfie with the person with the camera after he almost gave them a heart attack by dissapearing and reappearing right next to them.

• Shun's accounts in anywhere having an apparently random number added at the end. It actually is the number of the times he had to get a new account to the date.

• Madara fans putting his face in cowboy pictures and cowboy memes the same.

• Madara putting his face in cowboy memes himself and refusing to use normal ones.

• Kanata logging in once a month to post the name of a submarine creature and nothing else during the rest of the day. Sometimes with a picture for reference, which can vary from a photo of the species to a bad drawing of a fish.

• Madara evolving to put his face on mom memes.

• Someone jokingly asking Madara if he can adopt them and getting a positive answer. But they have to call him Mama.

• Hiyori's fans asking him every morning what's the veredict. If he answers Good Hiyori, they rejoice and act like they're going to have a great day. If the answer is Bad Hiyori, they rejoice and take meassures to prepare themselves for a shitty day.

• No one knows if they actually have good or bad days as per Hiyori's answer.

• Occasionally, Hiyori is going to reply with a Good Hiyori but remind to take their umbrellas anyway.

• In an interview, Hiiro is made a question about what song did he enjoy performing the most and he answers sunny trip summer. Immediately Aira affirms that is because he wants to eat lemons. The conversation sidetracks and now no one know if that is the real reason or not, just that Hiiro likes lemons a lot.

• "Alkaloid sidetracking compilation" and the video is four hours long.

• Sakuma Ritsu falling asleep video compilation.

• The rest of Crazy:B exposing Rinne for fun and revenge every so often. It goes from stories from when he just arrived to the city (once he got Niki really pissed off) to his latest act of brotherly pride to, one time he made HiMERU snap, finding any embarrasing moment of his and @-ing Hiiro at it.

• [Many days] since Eichi had to be ingressed into the hospital.

• Hokuto-senpai.

• Knights posting a photo of a small part of the lyrics for their new song:

"what kind of writing tool is that?"

"is that ketchup?"

"why is it written in ketchup"

"Mustard doesn't have the same effect."

• "If I had a nickel for every time [an idol used ketchup to write on non-edibles] I'd had two nickels, which is not a lot but is weird it happened twice".

• "It happens more than you'd think". Actual ES member response.

• People asking Koga to recreate the fight with the guitar.

#ensemble stars #enstars #hiiro amagi #madara mikejima #hiyori tomoe #crazy b #eichi tenshouin #wataru hibiki's hair #tatsumi kazehaya #mayoi ayase #aira shiratori

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vegalovescake · 2 months ago

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Whats going on with Vasily's injuries?

I've seen multiple people talk about this here, and since I'm a biomedical student I thought I'd add my two cents as well! (Not that I'm any kind of expert; I just like bringing two of my interests together. I might get some stuff wrong, so make sure to do your own research as well)

My aim here is to find a realistic explaination for how his injury is depicted in the manga, explore which consequences it would have short- and long term and maybe even draw some conclusions about Vasily as a person based on how he handles it (spoiler: he scares me)

Disclaimer: While I didn't include any images, this might get a little graphic description-wise, so be aware if you're sensitive about that kind of stuff.

Also, this is in no way meant to dictate how artists/writers should depict his wounds. Noda does not care much about realism when his characters get injured, so you shouldn't have to, either. Plus, there is a lot of room for subjective interpretation, as you will see. Feel free to grab any of this as inspo for your work, though! (I'm sure I've been put on several government lists while researching for this post, you're welcome)

Yes this is basically an entire essay. When I say I am unwell about this character I mean it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

To start off, let's take a look on the information the canon provides us about Vasily's injuries.

Vasily was shot by Ogata with a Berdan M1870 rifle. The bullet entered his right cheek and exited the left.

The shot destroyed all of his molars (or damaged them enough to require their removal afterwards).

As a consequence, he has trouble eating and does not talk. Wether that is by choice or because he is unable to we do not know.

In the two panels we see them he's shown to have scars on his cheeks; with the one on his left bigger than the right. The panels are too small to make out any details, but Shiraishi seems disturbed when he sees them for the first time.

As you can see, it's not much, and they raise more questions than they answers (just like anything about Vasya, really). I am willing to speculate, though, based on what we know about bullet wounds in real life, and what would make the most sense in context of the story.

First, I want to look at the immediate effects of Ogata's shot. What is the extend of the damage, which structures would be affected, and is the depiction of his injury in canon plausible?

I always thought Ogata used his Arisaka Type 38 to shoot Vasily since he had urged Shiraishi to retrieve it for him just before, but upon reread I realised that he was still using the Berdan II he borrowed from the Ainu. Why does this matter? Well, I don't know if Noda considered this, but the Berdan is a higher caliber and apparently much more destructive than the Type 38 (the latter's lack of fire power coming into play when Ogata fails to kill Suigimoto, for example. Ironically, the Berdan is also the rifle Vas' namesake, Vasily Zaitsev, allegedly learned to shoot with) Unfortunately for Vasily, this means more extensive damage than if Ogata had used his go-to rifle.

Knowing the type of rifle and ammunition is a good starting point to figure out what Vasily's injuries would look like. Well, kind of.

I'm sure this is the main question Vasily artists are curious about, but it's also one of the hardest to answer because injuries caused by the same rifle can vary heavily based on speed, angle, body part, and the underlying tissue affecting the bullet's impact.

Generally speaking, if the bullet enters at a 90 degree angle, the entry wound is about the same size and shape as the projectile itself. The Berdan M1870 uses 10.75×58mm ammunition, so in this specific case it would be about 1.1 cm or 0.43 inches in diameter. The hole could very well be larger if the bullet enters at an angle, or a little smaller if the skin is elastic and gets pushed into the hole. Anything between 1-2 cm sounds reasonable, honestly.

The exit wound is way harder to speculate on as it entirely depends on the tissue the bullet travels through. Muscles and fat are quite elastic and can transfer the impact of the bullet relatively well, while bone absorbs the force, distributing it through a larger area.

Because Vasily's teeth were hit. there was at least some sort of shattering effect (of both teeth fragments and the bullet itself), and while my knowledge of physics is too limited to determine any details it's pretty safe to say that the exit wound would in fact end up much larger, just like depicted in the manga. To what extend is difficult to say, but considering Vas is up and running a few months after getting shot, I would guess he got rather lucky and the bullets went through relatively smoothly instead of taking apart the entire left side of his face. Still, we'd be looking at a 4-5 cm (1.2-1.5 inch) exit wound at the very least. Additionally, it would likely be much more irregular and jagged, so it might extend to his lip or his jaw depending on the angle.

(Note: You might be wondering by now why I'm not just using the (likely) inspiration for Vasily's injury, Simo Häyhä, as reference for his wounds' appearance. While I like the idea, Hähyä was hit by an explosive bullet that caused a blast effect unlike normal ammunition would have, and so it would not be quite accurate for the sake of this post. We will come back to him later, though.)

No matter the size of entry/exit wound though, Vasily losing teeth in a larger area is plausible because of the force distribution as mentioned above. I'd even argue that the shot in the manga would also take apart his pre molars and canines at the very least (that's why I tend to place it further back). His jaw bone would probably crack or fracture as well, but that might have been a result of the impact rather than the bullet itself (again, I'm assuming he got lucky here because if his jaw was shattered in any major way we would not see him again in the story)

As for the structure in his cheeks, the primary muscles affected would be the buccinator, the masseter, the zygomaticus and the risorius, as well as potentially some of the musculature of the lip and TMJ. I won't bore you with any details, but the areas impacted by those getting injured are the jaw, the corners of the mouth, and potentially the upper lip. The nerve innervating their movements is located in the cheeks as well, so depending on the extend of the damage the restrictions might be temporary or permanent, the latter being more likely on the left where the larger exit wound is. Vasily would definitely have a hard time opening and closing his mouth, and with expressions such as as smiling, snarling or frowning.

Another muscle that would most likely get injured is his tongue. This is a problem because unlike the cheeks' relatively minor blood supply, the tongue bleeds a lot when damaged. Again, if we assume that Vasily got lucky, surviving the initial shot is plausible, but the oral bleeding would definitely be an issue both because of blood loss and the extremly high risk of choking if he passes out. This has the horrifying implication of him staying lucid after getting hit- which despite everything might actually be possible, at least for long enough to get the bleeding to stop. Adrenaline has made people stay conscious through stuff like losing their limbs, after all. Or he simply got lucky once again. That is for fanfic writers to decide, I suppose.

The potential tongue injury will also be important for my next point: Discussing Vasily's lack of speech.

For the reasons above, it is fair to assume that he does not talk because it is simply way too painful. (This seems to be the explanation Sugimoto goes with as well, though it's most likely just a guess and not necessairly the objective truth). The injuries to his jaw muscles and missing teeth might make his speech sound awkward for a while as well, though not permanently (he might keep a lisp in case part of his musculature did get paralysed, though).

In that case, talking would not be impossible, just more difficult. In tense/important situations, one might expect him to try saying something, or at least produce a sound other than his "hmph!". But even Ogata cannot get a word out of him, nor does having to alert people to a potential danger. Personally, I don't think the pain would stop him to that degree. Is he just incredibly stubborn and not much of a talker to begin with? Or could there be a reason why he genuinely cannot speak at all?

With the injuries provided, the only explanation as far as I know is that his tongue got so damaged that he lost most of it, or it had to be removed afterwards due to infection or extensive trauma to the nerves. A missing tip of the tongue is enough to make your speech slurred, and losing most of the oral (movable) part makes talking nearly impossible as it is essential to form most of the sounds of our language. If you want, you can test this by trying to read out a sentence without moving your tongue from the bottom of your mouth. It turns everything into an incoherent mess.

Now, I'm just gonna assume that if that is the case, Vasily would still keep enough of the basal part of his tongue to close the back of his throat, otherwise his quality of life would be reduced drastically and he'd require extensive rehabilitation to not choke on his own spit. But even with some parts remaining, he would be struggeling a lot with chewing and swallowing, especially with a lack of molars on top of that. One can learn to eat most foods without teeth (as demonstrated by my cat Gucci, who eats everything despite having only his canines left), but until his gums and jaw have healed, Vas would be limited to very soft and liquid foods. As a soldier, he'd probably lose a lot of weight and especially muscle mass in the weeks and months after the injury as a result, so it is no suprise he could barely defend himself against Sugimoto (I like to think that's also why he looks so much smaller in his coat after his initial appearance lol).

Alright, now that we've looked at all the immediate stuff, let's talk about healing. Despite how extensive his injuries are, I think that with surgery and proper medical treatment, they could close up pretty well. The tissue loss around the exit wound is likely extensive enough that there would remain a noticable depression in his cheek, as well as the possible paralysis/limited movement of the jaw mentioned above. There is also a possibility of infection and keloid/hypertrophic scarring that might complicate the healing process and make the wound look worse, but those all can be fixed with additional surgeries. Facial reconstruction wasn't unusual for those types of injuries.

That would be the end of it, but one thing bothers me, still: Shiraishi's horrified reaction upon seeing Vasily's face. While the initial wound would be quite bloody, post surgery it should look pretty clean. Shiraishi has seen much worse than a healing bullet wound, right?

Well, there's one last aspect to Vasily's injury story that disturbs me more to think about than the initial wound itself: Instead of recovering, he is chasing Ogata.

The timeline of Golden Kamuy is vague and I do not feel like doing the math to figure out the exact timeline between Vasily getting shot and him joining Sugimoto's group, but we do know that they both happen during the same season (winter). I'd give it 2, maybe 3 months at the longest, maybe even less considering he gets shot just before Ogata loses his eye and shows up right after Ogata's hospital stunt. I'd assume Ogata did that as soon as he was physically able to, but not yet recovered enough to continue being a nuisance for another few weeks/months.

Even if it took Vasya no time to find Sugimoto and he was in the hospital until then (which I doubt), that is not enough time for him to properly recover. If he pulled an Ogata and left the hospital as soon as he was able, there was very little time for his wounds to even begin closing, let alone healing. For comparison, Simo Hähyä was in the hospital for months, and out of commission for several years after his facial injury. Vasily would need at least half a year, or at least more than like, 8 weeks.

I know, I know, the reason for this is that Noda most likely did not consider the extend of his injuries, but lets just assume Vasily was a real guy who decided this was the way to proceed. I have several concerns. First, the pain management. Unless he smuggled some pain meds out of the hospital and is high as a kite the entire part of the plot hes in he would be in constant agony, yet he still decides that his revenge plot against this random guy is somehow more important. He could simply have an incredibly high pain tolerance, sure, but that wouldn't help dealing with the other major problem of wandering around the wilderness with a partially open facial wound: Sooner or later it is bound to get infected, and once that happens there's a good chance he might kick the bucket after all. Of course, Asirpa could try and prevent this, but what about before he happens to join the Sugi squad? Did he simply flush his mouth with Vodka and call it a day, hoping he would last long enough to take Ogata with him? Did he get some sort of medical training and knows basic wound care? Or was he so fixated that he didn't even consider how bad of an idea this was? Who knows.

What this would explain, however, is why his scars might look much worse than they should. Injuries that keep reopening or get irritated constantly heal slower and more crudely, and they can be really gross to look at, to the point where you can't tell wether or not the wound is fresh. Even if the initial bullet wounds were fairly small, the scarring could easily end up covering a large part of Vasily's face if he didn't take proper care of them. This is what I meant with his scars reflecting his personality, too; depending how he would handle his injuries, his scarring might end up more or less extensive!

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So, a lot of words to say that there are many possibilities on how to depict Vasya's scars, even if you care about realism. Sorry this ended up as long as it is, but I've thought about this a lot and wanted to share in case someone finds it helpful! Though, I always encourage to do your own research if this interests you, the conclusions I came to here are very much biased by my own interpretations and I did not cover everything there is to say.

TL;DR Vasily is a medical liability and I want a spin off featuring his nurse beating his ass after he returns to Russia.

#golden kamuy #vasily pavlichenko #golden kamuy vasily

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adventures-in-mangaland · 11 months ago

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Even More Dead Boy Detectives Fic Recs

I've discovered some amazing new authors since my last post! And writers I've already recced have published more great stories So here's another fic rec post!

Who? You mean your teammate in the Codependency World Cup? (series) by RoseGanymede95

I couldn't chose! They're all great! Basically a series of Edwin and Charles through the years and on cases pre-show. It scratches that adjusting-to-being-dead/newly-escaped-from-Hell itch and the authors writing is magic! It also fleshes out a really interesting conflict in the payneland dynamic: Charles' drive to protect Edwin at all costs clashing with Edwin's guilt over putting Charles at risk/depriving him of some ideal afterlife. Parts one and four also introduces Constantine/Johanna and part three revolves around an absolutely gut-wrenching temporary break-up. 😢

In Hell I'll Be in Good Company by laylabinx

Charles rescuing Edwin from Hell does not go smoothly. Just. Bucketloads of Trauma for both of them. And for you, the Reader. It's so good though!

your fangs in my neck (like an anchor like a vow) by shadowquill17

Vampire Edwin AU! It's great because it combines the (homo)eroticism of vampiric feeding with Charles' whole bisexual crisis and post-confession Edwin worrying about making Charles uncomfortable. Also Charles is some kind of demigod/immortal agent of divine vengeance which is an AMAZING detail and I desperately want to see some fanart!

The same author's ongoing story to the pain is also excellent though very angsty (cw temporary character death). I'm anxiously waiting for an update!

To Memory Now I Can't Recall by engineering_madonna

This is an amnesia fic and the most recent in an established relationship series. The first two installments feature the boys getting together and navigating their new relationship, so pulling the old 'character A forgets their whole romantic relationship with character B' trope hits especially hard! The whole series is lovely, but I am WEAK for temporary-amnesia.

Lemonade & Sunrises by paraph

A Quiet Place AU! The boys are alive, but they're the only ones. Very bleak but in a way that makes me want more!

1999 au (series) by websters_lieb

The boys figure their shit out in the 90s. Also, Edwin gets to read Maurice and queer theory. The cases in both stories are compelling and the author's writing and characterisation of the boys are excellent.

I also recommend offer me that deathless death which is about the boys' first meeting, Charles' funeral and the birth of the agency.

if I could reach the stars (i'd give them all to you) by ObsessedWithFandom

Charles falls first, Edwin falls harder. This is an AU of the author's excellent Charles' bisexual awakening fic, which I also highly recommend. It has lovely OCs and Charles having a sweet little friendship/romance with the boy he saved in canon, which actually makes his death a whole lot more tragic.

Came up from that lake of fire by ghostinthelibrary

Charles and Edwin get caught escaping Hell and promise to capture a demon-eating ghost called The Deathless in exchange for their freedom. With the added twist that they get to be alive again! An exciting case, high stakes and all the alive-again culture shocks and emotional/interpersonal drama you could ask for.

gig officially gigged by laiqualaurelote

Band AU! It shouldn't work but it does. Which might also be an in-universe review for the band tbh. Idk, I loved Edwin's massive obscure musical instruments and Charles being his unpaid roadie. Peak Found Family Feels.

No Rehearsing It, No Reversing It by DontOffendTheBees

Charles overthinks being in love with Edwin, my beloved. This time with increasingly flimsy pretexts for why they NEED to kiss. Just perfect Idiots in Love, no notes.

The Case of David Bowie's Made up Sexuality by williamvapespeare

The agency attempt to help a living lesbian couple deal with a haunting. Meanwhile, Charles struggles through his bisexual (re)awakening. With bonus past (living) Charles no-homo-ing himself to the nth degree. Pure of heart, dumb of ass, indeed.

The lamps are going out by CasiHuman

Vengeful Spirit Edwin AU! Has some interesting ghost lore and Edwin being convinced his touch is painful to Charles (love that trope!). Also features some of the author's adorable/hilarious fanart at the end.

just frame the halves (and call them brothers) by Anonymous

Crystal stumbles upon the ghost of Edwin's older brother, who hires the agency to free him and his platoon from the battleground they've been haunting. Case fic with interesting details about Edwin's family life and an awkward as hell family reunion.

the case of the very long ferry ride by obsceme

Sex pollen but with skin hunger, so it's more touching turned making out and hand jobs in a bathroom. Interesting use of ghost lore and it's cute and well written.

Form 239, Schedule L by sanctuary_for_all

Charles Rowland's Love Language is Acts of Service: The Fic. So many feels! Plus Afterlife worldbuilding and some quality Night Nurse rep.

don't go sharing your devotions (lay all your love on me) by Hephanna

The boys and Crystal accidentally summon an alternate universe version of Charles. He's very... handsy. Charles being jealous of himself is objectively hilarious and it looks like it could be heading towards throuple territory. Possibly even a foursome, if alternate Edwin figures out parallel universe travel. Which he probably will.

Still a Better Lovestory by Vamillepudding

Hanahaki disease! Charles is on the case but Edwin's being weirdly uncooperative about his own curse. I loved the worldbuilding (there's a whole sisterhood of washerwomen!) and the angst, plus the writing is excellent.

The author has also written Eternal Sunshine, in which Edwin is cursed to feel no love of any kind. It makes for an interesting character study, contrasting cursed Edwin, his public reserve and his actual personality.

#dead boy detectives #fanfiction #payneland #charles rowland #edwin payne #fanfic #fanfic rec #payneland recs #payneland fics #dbda #dbda fic recs #paineland #chedwin #charles x edwin #my fic recs #this was supposed to be for fic rec friday #oh well #fic rec friday #my recs

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ahgasegotarmy116 · 2 months ago

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Still With You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter Eleven

Summary: Making up with Jungkook isn't something you want to do first thing in the morning but you've kept him waiting for far too long Pairing : Luna (reader) x Jungkook and Jimin, f2l love triangle Word Count: 3.7k~ Warnings: Explicit language (barely lol) a/n: I know I put a poll up and this was the last choice in the rankings but this was already finished so I figured I'd just post it 😅 Start from the beginning

Opening my eyes I'm greeted with the warmth of the sun on my skin, shining through the curtains where I've fallen asleep on the couch in my living room.

Reaching for my phone I check the time and see that I've woken up just five minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. I'd prefer it this way honestly if it could save me from being jolted awake by that incessant ringing signaling the start of my day.

Taking a deep breath I look up at the ceiling and start coaching myself in how this morning should all go down. Confronting someone after a fight is never pleasant but in this situation it's necessary.

'I don't want to lose him', that has been the reason for my inaction and now it has to be my motivation to take action.

Jungkook can be hardheaded when he wants to be (sometimes even more than me), but I can't let the fear of not being able to reach him keep me from fighting for us.

I know I need to show him how much he means to me, I know I've fallen short and I know for sure it's my turn to step up and make things right.

Sitting up I'm hit with a sudden feeling of wooziness and realize that in all the upset I forgot to eat last night.

Well, I guess that's another motivation added to the list for getting me up and out of this apartment. I make my way to my bathroom to take a quick shower and get dressed to go before I can chicken out of this.

I'm reminded of some of the horrible things he said to me last night as I continue to wake up but the reason they cut so deep is because most of them are laced with truth.

I was stringing him along, I did spend time with Jimin, but I'm not dating him. I don't like the attention as much as he thinks I do, I only really care about him and it's been like that for years.

I guess since I haven't really entertained a guy for a while neither one of us knows how to act, especially since I know that he loves me now.

Or loved...

Arriving at his door I find myself hesitant to knock since the action itself seems foreign. Between the three of us including Grey we've kinda dropped that formality, or at least Grey and I have.

Jungkook still is a bit more respectful and texts before letting himself in. I hope we can go back to those days and that the damage that has been done can be repaired.

Making moves to knock I'm interrupted by the sight of Hoseok coming out of his place a few doors down.

"Oh Luna, hi! I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?" he asks looking bright eyed and bushy tailed, a tell tail sign that he probably wasn't aware of Jungkook's drunken stupor from last night.

"Could be better" I say now reminded of Jungkook's same response just hours ago.

"Are you here to see Jungkook?" he asks, clearly seeing what my intensions are. "Yeah, do you know if he got home last night?" I question now concerned as to why he's asking.

"I heard from Jin that he crashed at his place after showing up drunk off his ass. He said he was mumbling something about you so I figured you might be showing up sometime soon" he relays, knowing that there's no real reason to hide the information from me.

"Oh okay, I guess I'll go ahead and talk to him another time" I say making moves to retreat. "I could take you there if you want? It's on my way anyways" he says and I'm just now noticing he looks like he was on his way out.

"Oh I don't want to impose" I start trying to decline his offer. "Don't worry about it, he's been out of sorts for the past week so I know that seeing you would probably help him out. I don't mean to sound nosy but we all kinda found out what happened".

I nod my head in understanding and ultimately accept his offer.

The journey to Jin's house isn't too long but with every passing second I feel like my airways are closing up, my throat going dry.

As I try to listen to Hoseok's rambling about some sort of new figurine that he collects I see the minutes on the gps get smaller and smaller as we get closer to our destination. Once it hits zero and he parks the car we sit there for a second.

"Do you want me to walk you up? I told Jin we were on our way so he's already expecting you" he says hoping to encourage me to take that leap to finally try to work things out.

"No it's okay, you've already helped me so much. Thank you Hoseok really, I know I hurt him but I really do want to make it right" I say with a sad smile.

"I know, friendships are hard and they're even harder when love gets added to the mix..." I widen my eyes and I see an amused look on his face. "Yes he told us that too, believe it or not he's been gushing about you to us for years, and it's Hobi, Hoseok is too formal" he chuckles.

"Thank you Hobi, hopefully next time I see you it'll be under happier circumstances" I say with a pained expression. "I'm sure it will, we all know what he's like but please, don't stop fighting for him" he says pinching his eyebrows together in a pained expression.

"I won't" is the last thing I say to him before walking up to the house.

"Hi Luna" Jin says after answering my soft knocks on his door, doing my best to keep quiet incase Jungkook is still sleeping. "Hey" I say and he brings me in for a hug. "He's not awake yet but you can wait in the living room and we can catch up for a bit if you're up for it" he says and offers me a cup of coffee while he walks over to the kitchen, to which I accept and take a seat on his wrap around couch.

"Here you go" he says and also brings milk and sugar so I can fix it to my liking. After doing so he retrieves the items and finally comes over to sit down on the opposite side of the couch making sure to keep a respectful distance, knowing what Jungkook's reaction might be if he found us any closer.

"How have you been? Hanging in there?" he starts taking the pressure off of me of initiating the conversation. "As best as I can be I guess. Did he tell you what happened last night?" I ask hoping to see where his head was at after our argument.

"Well he was way too far gone when he got here so not a whole lot of it made sense other than telling me you guys had a fight and that you were cheating on him" he says recalling the sight.

"How could I be cheating on him if we're not even dating?" I groan throwing my head back against the couch.

"You know him, he's always been very protective of you, and I guess that with his confession he couldn't help but let out some of that possessive energy along with it" he explains plainly.

"Yeah I can tell. I got used to him being protective but everything has gotten out of control since then. You saw what happened that day on the boardwalk. How else was I supposed to react?" I ask, hoping for some sort of validation for my actions.

"Maybe you shouldn't have shut me out" I freeze hearing Jungkook's deep morning voice that is drenched in hostility, still clearly upset with me.

"Jungkook that's not fair" Jin says trying to come to my rescue. "It's okay Jin just let me talk to him" I talk him down, hoping that he'll give us some space to talk. "I'll be in the other room if you need me" he says and gets up to go, granting us a sense of privacy.

"What are you doing here?" Jungkook grumbles as he makes his way over to the kitchen and I decide to follow him there.

"I came to see you" I say stating the obvious. "How did you find me?" he continues only asking surface level questions as he gets the coffee pot and pours himself a cup. "I passed by your place first and I bumped into Hobi so he told me where you were and gave me a ride here" I explain.

"Don't call him that, only his friends get to call him that" he says clearly not happy that I've had contact with his hyungs without his prior knowledge.

"He asked me to call him that..." I say trailing off deciding it's best not to push it. "Well I don't want you to. They're my friends, not yours" he says sternly still giving me the cold shoulder. "Noted" is all I say and do my best to give him a peace offering instead.

"I brought over some hangover soup, I thought you might like some" I say nodding towards the bag on the counter.

Having his back to me, now looking for something that I could only guess would be some painkillers from the sight of the different medicine bottles in the cabinet, he only grunts in acknowledgement not really making an effort to show any sort of gratitude.

"Shit" he mumbles. "I brought you some painkillers too if that's what you're looking for" I say hoping to get him to see that I really am here to help and not hurt. He lets out a deep sigh and looks over at the water bottle and the pain meds in question that I had placed on the counter and decides it's best to give in.

"Thanks" he mumbles and takes the pills immediately. "You should probably eat something though so let me just heat up the soup for you too. I don't want you to end up with a stomachache on top of it all" I say gathering the takeout containers and assembling the meal before he can refuse.

After the food is ready I sit at the table and keep him company as he eats.

"Aren't you gonna have some?" he questions, curious as to why I haven't served myself as well. "No that's okay, I ate something before I came here" I say making sure that he'll eat his fill and still have some left over for later.

He shrugs his shoulders and continues to eat until I see that he looks like he's feeling a bit more alive again. He sits back and takes another drink of water before finally speaking.

"So I'm guessing you're here to talk?" he says getting up to clear out the dishes, to which I jump up and help right away. "Yeah" I trail off hoping to have a more stable setting unlike last night.

He nods his head and we both make our way over to the couch and end up sitting at the same distance that Jin and I had just been at before.

"So talk" he says and waits for me to explain myself. "Do you remember what happened last night?" I start off.

"Bits and pieces. I do remember that you've been seeing another guy though, I wasn't drunk enough to forget that" he answers saying the last part under his breath.

"I just want to clear that up real quick first so we can establish the reasons why I did what I did" he nods in acknowledgement and lets me continue.

"His name is Jimin first off, and I met him a few days before the night you told me you love me, or loved me based off of what you said last night" he opens his mouth to interrupt but I hold my hand up telling him to wait until I've said my piece.

"He came into the store one day and flirted with me and we hit it off. He asked me to go to a cafe with him, which I did and he tried to kiss me at the end of it. I stopped him and told him I wanted to get to know him better and that we should take things slow, to which he agreed so we just kept things chill from there but he made his intensions known right away" I say and watch as his expressions change, seeing he wants to get a word in but he respects my wishes.

"In case you're wondering we haven't gone out on a proper date and we haven't kissed. On the night you and I had that fight on the boardwalk Jin brought me home and when I walked up to my doorstep there was a red envelope addressed to me" I continue and I can tell his interest is peaked.

"I picked it up and brought it inside and when I opened it I saw pictures of me with you and Grey. Some were from work, others were from us or just me inside my apartment and some were of us in random places where we were just spending time together. It even had pictures of when we went stargazing and from the day we went to the boardwalk"

I reach into my bag to take out the picture of us kissing with the first note that said 'I'm Watching You' with Jungkook's face crossed out.

"All of the pictures had your face crossed out like this and I got scared so I grabbed my phone to try to call you but I somehow ended up calling Jimin on accident" I say and I see the way his hands grip the picture I had given him a little tighter.

"I started spiraling and by the time he picked up the phone he could already tell that something was wrong. I couldn't bring myself to hang up and call you because of what had happened between us so when he offered to come over I said yes" Jungkook tongues his cheek, a muscle in his jaw feathering.

"When he got there he helped calm me down and it felt so wrong to have someone else do what you've done for me time and time again but I knew it would've been selfish of me to ask you to come over after I had just asked for space".

I clear my throat before I keep going and I notice now that he's got his eyes trained on me, not missing a single word, needing to know what happened.

"He spent the night, initially sleeping on the couch until I woke up from a nightmare later on that night so I asked him to sleep in the bed with me but that was it. Nothing happened" I explain and although he's still clearly tense I can tell he's happy that nothing happened.

"I'm telling you in explicit detail because I want to be honest with you. I don't want there to be anymore misunderstandings between us. After that night I felt like we had gotten a bit closer so he asked me if I wanted to spend some more time together but I told him no because I wanted to figure out where things between you and I stand and he understood that but again told me that he still wanted to date me if I gave him the chance" if looks could kill...

"He ended up stopping by the store sometimes to just say hi and we would text occasionally but that's what the state of my relationship with him is at at the moment"

I think for a second trying to formulate my words carefully, the next part is one that could make or break our relationship.

"I did ask for space that day for a few different reasons" I start off and I can see him squirm a bit in his seat.

"One being that both you and Jimin confessed your feelings to me on the same night so my emotions were all over the place which is probably why I reacted the way that I did, so I apologize if I scared you" I explain and he nods, waiting for the other reasons on the list.

"Two was that I felt like a switch flip between us even before you confessed to me. I could sense the tension building so I didn't know how to act. Third was from the way that things went down the day we fought. I do admit that I had fault in it too so I don't want you to feel like I'm blaming it all on you because I'm not" I back track a bit and he nods again.

"I had been teasing you from the start because I liked the way you would react to it. I liked the way you were getting jealous and possessive over me. It made me feel wanted and I hadn't really experienced something like that before" I confess, owning up to my fault.

"I let things get out of hand when I kept on provoking you so I'm sorry. I didn't realize that something like that would make you so upset so it's my fault that that fight happened in the first place" I finish and take a deep breath, waiting for him to say something, finally giving him the chance to do so.

"That's a lot" he he breathes out, still trying to process it all. "I probably said some mean stuff to you last night didn't I?" he questions. I nod my head and he rubs his temples and thinks for a while before he finally starts to respond to everything.

"That fight wasn't all your fault Luna, I played a part in it too. If anything I escalated it because of how blinded by jealousy I was. Having my feelings out in the open made me feel vulnerable and the guys knew that but they messed around with you anyways" he sighs and I nod, realizing that we were teaming up and trying to provoke him.

"It wasn't a good decision on my part to bring you and I should've known that so I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for the way I treated you then and I'm sorry for what happened last night. Even though I don't remember everything I do know that what I did was fucked up and I should've just turned around and left when I saw you. I wasn't ready to talk and I knew that but I missed you so much I couldn't pass up the chance to see you again" he says looking at me with true regret in his eyes.

"I missed you too" I say quietly so I don't interrupt him too much.

"That stalker...well until we get to the bottom of that you're not leaving my side" he growls, leaving me protesting but now he's the one that's putting his hand up to stop me. "We'll work that out later but after all of this where do we stand?" he asks, slightly grimacing at the end.

"I don't know why I would ever say that I don't love you because I do. I love you so fucking much it hurts Luna" he lets out a shaky breath. "No matter what I've said in the past or what I'll say in the future I will always love you" he finishes showing so much regret.

"I don't know...but maybe we could start off by being best friends again?" I suggest hoping that he'll be satisfied with that for now. "I'm not saying that I don't want to try and make us work, but for right now I think our feelings are too raw so we should probably take some time to heal what's been hurt" I explain, hoping I've gotten my point across.

"I think I'd like that...but let's try to heal together this time okay? Don't push me away again. I don't care how mad you are, just stay with me" he pleads, reaching out for my hand.

"Always" I reply, squeezing his hand.

"You've said that before" he gives me a stern look.

"Okay but I really do mean it this time" I hold my hands up laughing at his attempt to be mad at me again.

"You better" he chuckles before ruffling my hair.

"I guess I deserved that" I say while blowing the hair out of my face. "Oh you definitely deserve more than that" he says standing up and stalking towards me.

"What do you mean by that?" I say standing up and backing away from him.

"Why don't you come over here and find out" he chuckles with a devious smile, lunging towards me which I narrowly evade and run away from him.

"Jin! Jin, help! He's trying to kill me!" I yell laughing at how silly Jungkook looks while running after me.

"YA! I leave you two alone for 10 minutes and you're already disrespecting my home?" he scolds.

I make a bee line for him but Jungkook cuts me off and pulls me in by my waist, my back up against his chest.

"Jin please save me. Please don't leave me with him" I beg while he backs up into his room seeing the playful manner that has been revived between us.

"Just don't break anything Jungkook" he chuckles and sends us an amused smile before he closes the door

"No" I whimper out before Jungkook whispers in my ear.

"Seems like we've gotta make up for lost time" he purrs before pinching my sides, making me squirm in his embrace.

"Jungkook stop please you know I hate this!" I whine before he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. "Aw pretty, we haven't even started" he smirks and starts tickling me mercilessly.

"JIN! HELP!" I yell out through gasps desperate for a savior, my prayers forever going unanswered.

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agwic · 3 months ago

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What is Shampoo's name in Ranma 1/2?

...and Cologne and Mousse I guess, but they're not as important and I didn't wanna bloat the title.

Now, there is not one answer to this question, as you probably know if you've read more than one piece of fanfiction for Ranma 1/2, of if you know that they are Chinese characters in a piece of Japanese media with English words as names. So, in this post, I will attempt to provide every answer I can find, primarily as a resource for other Ranma fanfiction authors.

Starting with a disclaimer, I am not fluent in any of the languages I'll be discussing here, my only qualifications are that I am studying both linguistics and Japanese, and also studied Mandarin for a while in elementary school. If any native speakers have any corrections, I would love that!

Answer 0: English

Well, in basically all official Ranma media, her name is Shampoo, her grandmother and Cologne, and her childhood friend is Mousse. So, problem solved, right? Well, not really. Those obviously aren't their actual names, there's no way that can be the case!

Answer 1: Japanese

In Japanese, their names are シャンプー, コロン, and ムース. There are numerous ways to romanize Japanese, but I'd romanize those names as Shanpu, Koron, and Musu (if you want alternate romanizations, you can look them up, because I don't want to bloat this post with every possible romanization of everything). These are also Japanese words for shampoo, cologne, and mousse, and were borrowed into Japanese from English. And, シャンプー is pronounced almost identically to the English word Shampoo, with only the first vowel being different (the others are a bit more different though). So, translating these names as Shampoo, Cologne, and Mousse is probably a better translation than just romanizing them, but you can also do that, I guess. But, well, these three aren't actually Japanese, are they? So really we should figure out what their names are in Chinese.

Answer 1.5: Chinese Phonology

Well, Ranma 1/2 is in Japanese, so we just have to guess as to what their names are in Chinese, right? I mean, I don't remember ever seeing their names written down in Chinese in the anime, so we'll just have to take their names in Japanese, and translate them to Mandarin phonology. With this strategy, their names are Xianpu, Koulong, and Musu. However, since we never get surnames for them, maybe they should be split into two characters, with one being their surname? I mean, probably not, but most people who use this strategy call Shampoo "Xian Pu" rather than "Xianpu", so who knows. Regardless, this strategy isn't necessary, because despite me not remembering it, we do in fact have the Chinese characters for all three of these characters' names, which means we can figure out what their names are in Chinese properly.

Answer 2: Chinese

Their names, with Mandarin romanizations (since Mandarin is in fact the primary Sinitic language spoken in that area), are 珊璞 (Shānpú), 可崘 (Kělún), and 沐絲 (Mùsī). In English, standard practice is to leave off the tone diacritics, but otherwise those romanizations are standard. You could put a space in between the two syllables, but that would imply that they all only have one syllable as a given name, which is pretty rare, and that they all have different surnames, despite Cologne and Shampoo being family, and all three of them being from the same clan, and it seems like the standard practice in China is for rural clans like the Joketsuzoku to adopt a single surname. Speaking of which, the "zoku" in Joketsuzoku and the "zu" in Nüjiezu both just mean clan, and I feel like a much better translation of those names would be Joketsu clan and Nüjie clan. Anyways, rural clans in the region of China where Joketsuzoku is typically just use their clan name as a surname, so all three of them would have a surname of Nǚjié/Nüjie (the umlaut on the u is not a tone diacritic, so it isn't nearly as optional, but Nuejie should work if you must), which, in both Japanese and Chinese, goes before the given name.

Answer 2.5: Kanji

There's a minor problem with the above strategy, which is that most people don't suddenly switch to a different language when saying someone's name. In English, we usually approximate names as best as we can with English phonology, and for that strategy applied to Japanese, see Answer 1. However, with Chinese names being said in Japanese specifically, there's an alternate strategy. Because names in Japanese are usually written with the same characters as names in Chinese, you can often just read Chinese names as if they're Japanese names! Honestly, it's kinda weird, in-universe, that all the Ranma characters call them by adaptations of their names into Japanese phonology. Out-of-universe, it's not weird, because their names are a joke which wouldn't make sense if they did the normal thing.

However, if you're writing a fanfiction, and you find the joke of their names tasteless and bad, you can make characters do this instead, without changing the character's names! Because there are multiple readings of every Chinese character in Japanese, there are multiple possible readings of their names, but I picked the readings that seem to be most commonly used in names to determine that they could be called Joketsu Sanbaku, Karon, and Mokuito. These names are a bit weird, because their names in Chinese are a bit weird, because they needed to be to accommodate the joke.

Okay, wait, but why is the Sinitic language spoken in the area where they come from Mandarin? Aren't there, like, a ton of languages in China? And Southern Qinghai is kinda far from Beijing, and really rural, so you'd think they'd speak another language there. And you'd be correct, they just don't speak another Sinitic language.

Answer 3: Tibetan

So, given where Joketsuzoku is, if it were a real village, they would almost certainly speak the Rwanak dialect of Amdo Tibetan. Unfortunately, I could not find any English-language resources on the naming practices in Amdo Tibetan as a whole, much less Rwanak specifically. However, I could find some stuff on the naming customs of Tibetan in general, primarily Lhasa Tibetan, though it did note that Amdo Tibetans typically use their clan name as a surname (which, like Japanese and Chinese, goes first), as mentioned previously. Anyways, Tibetan given names are typically two words, each of which is two syllables, so four syllables total. This is obviously not anything like the names we have been given for these characters, so unless we just wanna make something up, we're gonna have to assume that they're just being referred to by the first part of their given name, which does seem to be somewhat common.

Now, there does not seem to be any romanization of Amdo Tibetan in common usage besides the IPA, nor can I find a sufficiently comprehensive list of words in Amdo Tibetan (and it goes without saying that neither of those exist for Rwanak either). Furthermore, I could not find a list of words even in Lhasa Tibetan which was written in the Latin alphabet, and I do not have the time to click through all 3000 Tibetan words in Wiktionary to check the pronunciation of each one. And, none of the most common Tibetan names look anything like Shanpu, Kelun, or Musi. So, I'm basically gonna do Answer 1.5 again, but Mandarin -> Tibetan instead of Japanese -> Mandarin.

So, the best approximations of their Mandarin names into Lhasa Tibetan, written in the Wylie transliteration because it's the most common one, with me arbitrarily picking one possible spelling based on which one looks best because Tibetan can spell the same word in many different ways, would be: Hranphu, Kholan, and Musi. My best attempt at listing every possible spelling of those names is as follows:

Shampoo(6 possible spellings): Hran{ph/'ph/b}u(r)

Cologne(108 possible spellings): {Kh/Khw/Mkh/'Kh/G/Gw}o(r){kl/gl/bl/rl/sl/brl/bsl/l/lw}an

Mousse(240 possible spellings): {Rm/Sm/Dm/Smr/M/Mr}u(r){s/sr/sw/gs/bs/bsr/z/zw/gz/bz}i(r)

As for their surname, I doubt "woman hero clan" is what they call themselves, and I have no idea where to even begin looking up how to come up with a realistic sounding Amdo Tibetan clan name, so I'd just avoid referring to them with a surname if I was going to use these names in a fic.

Now, am I suggesting you use any of that? No, probably not. It's pretty clear that Shampoo's native language, at the very least, is Mandarin, and while it is possible she grew up bilingual, given the lack of anything pointing towards Joketsuzoku being Tibetan in canon, it's probably best to assume Joketsuzoku switched to speaking Mandarin recently, since doing otherwise would likely require changing a lot of canon. This wouldn't even be unrealistic, since as far as I can tell, the Tibetan language has been declining in Qinghai for a while. Still, there's a lot of interesting stuff you could do, especially with regards to Cologne, with the fact that Joketsuzoku is likely historically Tibetan.

TL;DR: In my opinion, the best names for Shampoo, Cologne, and Mousse are Nüjie Shanpu, Nüjie Kelun, and Nüjie Musi, but you could probably do some interesting stuff with making them Tibetan.

#ranma 1/2 #ranma ½ #shampoo

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newttxt · 4 months ago

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hi quip! i really like your one piece comics and i am curious how you do them! i'm not good at comics and want to be better at drawing them! how do you learn how to make comics?

thank you!

uh oh... im afraid u have caught me at the perfect crossroad of "bored at work" and "unrelated task ive been meaning to do but keep putting off."

this is long. i hope you like reading (and grayscale progress pics). and of course!!! disclaimer before we begin that this is just how I, personally draw comics. there is no "right way."

quip's comic-making process!

Switching my typing to make this more legible...

My process can kinda be broken down into 6 steps:

Brainstorming

Thumbnailing

Sketching

Panels & Text

Lines

Tones/Colors

1. Brainstorming

My brain is a leaky sieve on a good day, so I sloppily jot down ideas in my phone notes the moment I have them. This helps me when it's time to draw too, because if I feel art blocked, I can look through old concepts and see what catches my interest.

Otherwise, I love drawing for other people's writing. :) And if worst comes to worst, doing manga/comic page redraws in my style teaches me new things every time.

Once I have my idea, I'll usually make a bulletpoint list of "plot points" or "story beats" I want. Then I plan the comic with this format that I've adapted from a tutorial I read once. I'm going to use my most recent comic (original comic post) as an example.

I start in the third column, writing notes of what I'd want to see in each panel. I also include the dialogue (in this case, I didn't have to write the dialogue! it's from the fanfic linked in the original comic post!). I usually write the whole name like [Luffy:], but at this point I've drawn so much of these guys, just the first letter works.

I like to handwrite these notes to get an idea for how much text I'm putting in a single panel.

After I describe all the panels, I go back and separate them into pages. I can't tell you how to know how many panels to a page. It's whatever works for you. I just kinda know about how big each panel will be, and so I can feel when I'm probably running out of space. (Also. You can change things later. I don't in this example, but I add/drop pages/panels all the time.)

2. Thumbnailing

Thumbnailing—as the name suggests—should be done tiny. Too tiny to accidentally get sucked into details.

This is about marking down blobs where items/characters go, and figuring out the paneling. I'll draw and redraw these a bunch of times too.

This is also the most time-consuming/brain-working part for me. If I were in a zine that did progress percentage, I'd try to finish thumbnailing around the 50% mark (but I'm also a moderately fast artist, so your mileage may vary).

I think the terrible quality makes them charming, actually. I really like how silly they look. :')))

I will add, when you draw your "page" rectangle, make sure it's the same proportions as your actual canvas for the final image. You want an accurate idea of how much space each panel will take up, especially if you have a lot of text.

3. Sketching

This is my most recent change to my usual workflow, and it's saving me a lot of time. I make my thumbnails a bit bigger (each one about half the size of the final canvas), and I sketch these basic body forms right over them.

It just helps give me placement for my actual lines!

I usually draw these in a paleish color so I can lower the opacity and not get distracted by them while lining. The random darker parts are to either help keep two forms separate (like when two characters have their limbs all over) or to better define sections that were too sloppy/poorly proportioned.

I also think this helps my poses stay looser, because I have more dramatic/wriggly shapes that aren't too bogged down by proportions yet.

Sidenote: I CANNOT show this here, but sometimes this is when I take videos. Of myself. I prop my phone camera up and shoot a video of me acting each panel. :/// It looks really dumb, but it also shows me fun body language ideas like hand gestures, expressions, weight distribution, etc. Just pretend you're an overdramatic cartoon character, and try not to worry about your roommates or mother walking in on you doing odd things. (You can also use the video for anatomy reference later, but I usually just capture the vibe and don't try to copy the actual video frame.)

4. Panels & Text

Oh, boy. So, the panels are usually just straight lines (though it's fun to make creative exceptions, like a round panel to mimic looking through a spyglass), but there are some fancy rules that I don't strictly adhere to.

I believe (I have no technical training in this. Take everything I say with a grain of salt) the vertical gaps (between two side-by-side panels) should all be a consistent width and the horizontal gaps (between two panels on top of each other) should be another. The vertical ones? Should be thinner? Because you want the eye to easily glide between them, whereas the horizontal gaps should be a visual barrier to keep you from jumping ahead. Just something I've vaguely noticed.

There are lots of fun "default layouts" you can look up. Or keep it a consistent grid. I think it's fun to sometimes have characters/objects sticking out of panels and overlapping others. This is just a matter of taste, creativity, and inspiration. (Read Witch Hat Atelier... It has some of my favorite paneling...)

You may also notice I have already done the speech bubbles. This is, to me, a crucial step. This helps me catch early if I don't have enough room for all the words. It also lets me plan the art in each panel with the speech bubbles in mind. There's nothing worse than working really hard on a panel, and then you realize there's no room for the bubbles.

I also try to lay them out in a way that guides the eye! Even without art, can people tell where to go next? Better yet, if I want people to look at panels out of order (aka not left to right, in my case), can I use the speech bubble path to make them? Here's just a vague example of what I mean.

As an added bonus, doing speech bubbles early also allows me to be lazy! :) Ignore the comic; I'm not supposed to post it yet oops,, There's a whole lot of drawing to do on each comic page, and I am not wasting my time on stuff that will be covered up. So yes, if I hide my bubbles, there are a lot of unfinished lines trailing off into nothing. (As a bonus, if there's a part of a character you're struggling with—and it won't look weird to do so—you can move speech bubbles to just hide the problem area yayyy)

Making the actual bubbles could be their own whole tutorial, tbh, but there are some general guidelines I use.

Zoom out when you choose your font size. You want to know how it will look to the average reader, so it isn't super teeny tiny or way too big. You generally want to keep the same text size for all your pages/bubbles.

When I draw bubbles, I try to size them about one vertical letter height (and some change) around the words [left side]. This isn't always the case though, because humorously large or funny shaped text bubbles can convey different feelings [right side].

On Procreate, I set my bubble lines to Reference and just drag-and-drop the white fill on a separate layer below the lines. (Remember to turn Reference back off again when you're done, or your fill bucket won't work right when you're drawing.)

To get the white outlines I use to keep the bubbles from cluttering up the art, I literally just Gaussian blur an all-white copy of the lines + fills... and then I copy and merge it 5 times until it's opaque enough. This is a terrible way to do it, but it works for me. :')

5. Lines

This is the part that I can't tell you how to do. I literally just. Draw right over my wacky sketched body forms. Boom. Comic drawn.

I'll make three suggestions:

Don't focus on making every panel perfect. Give a little extra love to big ones or ones you want people to linger on. Otherwise, know that people are typically speeding through the art. It's way more important to focus on storytelling than art technique. In my opinion, a good story that's told well will always be better than a beautiful one told poorly. (Some comics are beautiful AND well-written... Alas, I am just a hobbyist who needs to get the ideas out of my head at top speed.)

Put your background lines on a different layer. Put your foreground lines on a different layer too, if you have those. Basically, I try to keep the main part of each panel (usually a character or object) on my lines layer so I can erase background/foreground/etc lines to ensure clarity/focus.

You can make background lines lighter colors too. I have too many numbers sorry. (1) Background. The stuff that's farthest away. Lightest lines. Few details; more focused on shapes and the suggestion of a background (I'm not good at backgrounds). (2) Midground. Same distance away as the characters are. Lines can be black. (3) Also midground, and also the same distance away. But they're very detailed, so I lighten them so they aren't so distracting. (4) The characters. Black lines for focus. For people who haven't seen the comic, I swear they are just hugging. This is SFW. D:

6. Tones/Colors

Do not. Do NOT ask me. I don't understand colors. I hate working with them, but I try because I want to improve. I hate doing anything beyond the simplest grayscale shading. Please go elsewhere for your coloring/tone advice. This is how my color picker looks 95% of the time. I have pre-set "percentages" of black that I got by lowering the opacity of a black layer and just color picking it. I don't even know the exact percentages I used. Good luck out there. Be better than me.

7. Sharing

This is a bonus step that I didn't mention earlier, but it's actually the most important of all of them.

You need a friend. Or maybe a groupchat or discord. A family member or coworker if you're really close like that. I don't know.

Find SOMEWHERE you can spam wips and be cheered on. Drawing comics takes a while, especially if you're trying to tell longer stories than I'd dare to attempt. If I don't force someone to praise me for every line I draw, I shrivel up and die.

Also if and when you post online, add alt text. I'll admit I'm the first person to complain and drag my feet on this, and I literally use a screenreader myself when my eyes hurt (strong prescription glasses wearer). Comics should be accessible, because stories are fun and everyone should be able to enjoy them.

***

Learning???

And I guess lastly, how do you learn to make comics? Two steps: 1) read them and 2) make them. This is the tragedy of creating things.

1) Reading them: I grew up reading comic strips, western serialized comics, and webcomics. I've always loved graphic novels too. Then in late middle school, I started reading manga (Death Note and Haikyuu were my first two), and now I'm trying to read more webtoons (sorry im so slow bree)!

I also... mass-consume doujinshi, thanks to proxy mailing services and bilingual friends/Google Translate/knowing some Korean. (I have an entire bookshelf of doujin, actually,,)

The thing is, it's not usually enough to just read comics. You also need to be thinking. :/ I notice paneling, comic devices, clever comedic timing, etc. as I go. It's just a lot of studying/learning while also enjoying the story.

2) Making them: You just have to start. :( Even if you think they're "bad." My first comics were actually just drawings placed randomly all over the page, connected by speech bubbles (yay... I was already practicing how to place bubbles to lead the eye around the page...). I was going to post a pic here, but I'm a coward. Backscroll my account and you can find some older ones though.

I also know my art in general improved dramatically when I did ten comics in ten weeks for my friend's fic. Don't do this. It hurt my hands/wrists. But do practice in moderation.

***

If you actually read all that... I hope it made even a modicum of sense. And maybe it was even helpful? Just know at the end of the day, there is literally no right way to draw a comic.

And if you aren't ready to go for it yet, you can start by just adding a couple speech bubbles to your illustrations or doodles! It's a way to add storytelling and dialogue writing to things you may already be making.

Yay. I love comics. :))))

#art tips #ask #THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS #PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT STORYTELLING AND ART AND COMICS #i have so much more i can say but i will not because this post is already way too dense #ive been meaning to finish/post this for so long im sorry #making comics is this fun blend of THINKING REALLY HARD AND WITH PURPOSE and doing things innately and you rly dont know why #reference #art reference #i dont remember my tutorial tag #oh. was it #tutorial #I DONT REMEMBER

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tinartss · 4 months ago

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psst do u have any more haikaveh fic recs? i read all the ones in your last fic rec post and loved them all ^_^

hello anon i've had this ask marinating in my inbox for months because i wanted to gather enough material to put together a longer list but even though i don't have a ton i figured it's been long enough 😭 i'm happy to hear you enjoyed the last recs! i looked back through the first list and it's truly filled with classics

without further ado here are 10 fics i've read in the past few months that altered my brain chemistry

notes:

most if not all are sfw but check tags before reading👍

organized in no particular order apologies i was lazy this time

was gonna add little comments to each but i’m now realizing that would take up a huge amt of space so. just know that all of these changed the trajectory of my life. thank u fic authors for all u do🫶

matters of the heart by luminvies (T, 11k)

“The art of tarot can be difficult to process, I know,” Al-Haitham says, nodding. “You just have to accept it.” “STOP SAYING THAT,” Kaveh says. Al-Haitham picks a random card from his pile of cards and flips it over to reveal a Genius Invokation HP food card of tandoori roast chicken. “This is going to be your dinner.” “WHY DO YOU KNOW MY DOORDASH ORDER,” Kaveh yells, typing furiously into his phone and brandishing the app in Al-Haitham’s face. “I PLACED THE ORDER RIGHT BEFORE I WALKED THROUGH YOUR DOOR.”

Al-Haitham is a tarot card reader. Kaveh is skeptical.

Tempt Me Away (But I'll Always Be Yours) by snowytuesdays (T, 31k)

"Senior Kaveh! You're early today." "Of course, I was the one who asked to meet, how could I be late?" Kaveh said, a smile automatically forming on his own face. "I don't know, perhaps you got distracted by another fraudster, asking 'Oh Lord Kaveh, will you build me a house'?" "It was that one time," Kaveh said, his cheeks burning slightly. "You just happened to find me at a bad moment." "Certainly, certainly," the scholar said, mirth in his eyes, “How could anyone possibly fool the great Light of Kshahrewar?”

HE'S TAKEN by heartslogos (T, 22.5k)

There's a visiting scholar following Kaveh around, all smiles and sunshine, and Kaveh finds himself torn between his lingering unrequited feelings for a certain someone and this bold newcomer. But Kaveh starts to realise something strange- Alhaitham never appears at the same time as the other guy. Now, as Dehya takes a minute to compose herself and come to terms with the fact that all of this has actually just happened, Dehya turns to look at Al-Haitham and Cyno, reading the absolute resignation on their faces. "Alright, how does she know you're an incredibly athletic swordsman? For all she knows those muscles could be for show. What did you do, do a full work out routine in front of her? Help take down another corrupt regime?" Dehya asks as soon as she's entirely sure that the reporter has been wrestled out of earshot. (Meanwhile, everyone else present has scattered or attempted to erase their presence to become inanimate fixtures in the background.) And then, because this is way more important than that little detail, she continues, "Wow. Damn. I never thought I'd say this, but that reporter is way too into you to be healthy. There's no way you're that hot."

revelation of the silent sands by levvli (G, 2.2k)

Sethos' new family warns him that Alhaitham and Kaveh can't stand each other. He isn't so sure. Written for the Haikavetham Gotcha for Gaza!

a cat's life comes just once by cherotonin (T, 8.4k)

The thing on the floor makes a sound at him. The sound goes something like, Meow. Kaveh had already been recognized as a genius by the time he was learning nursery rhymes, so he is of course very well-acquainted with the sounds and transliterations thereof made by various common animals. In fact, his recall speed for these associations is likely significantly above average. This is why he recognizes so rapidly and adeptly that there is a fucking cat on his floor even though he does not and has never owned a cat. “Meow,” says the cat again. “Yes, I know,” Kaveh says irritably, and then immediately feels bad about it. “I mean.” He clears his throat. “Meow, as well.”

Al-Haitham seizes an opportunity to conduct an unusual experiment regarding Kaveh's usual patterns of behavior. To maximize the integrity of his results, he does not inform the subject of his observations about the study parameters.

Or, Al-Haitham cashes in some vacation days while in cat form, and Kaveh adopts an eccentric stray in his roommate's absence.

the deepest secret by heartslogos (M, 52k)

When Kaveh opens his eyes a field of hills sprawls out before him, onward and onwards. A grass sea with waves of hills, dotted in orange and yellow and purple. Kaveh turns his eyes towards the sky and can only imagine what sunrise or sunset must look like from here. Without knowing it, Kaveh is walking out into the grass, barefoot with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the front laces undone and his hair already messy from just waking up and when he breathes in he chokes, he chokes because as the cool grass sea air dances with him laughter blooms in his lungs and he spreads his arms wide like he could scoop it all up into himself. Like he could find the room for it. Maybe he does. Maybe he can. Who knows? The wonderful thing that Kaveh has discovered about having no memories is that he has no limits. He doesn't remember them. He can be anything. He can be a grass sea. He can be an infinite sunrise. He can be beautiful. The Howl's Moving Castle fusion that I, specifically, asked myself for.

Changes of State by GoWingOvaBored (E, 152k)

“I’ve designed many buildings in my career,” Kaveh begins, the attention of every single person in the crowd fixed on him. “Most of which have been extravagant pieces made to stand tall in our city and glitter.” Kaveh glances down at what must be some notes on the podium, pausing before he looks back up, shining in the bright lights of the stage. “But in recent years, I must admit that my focus has shifted.” Alhaitham leans forward, watching, hoping for something he can't quite admit. Not when the truth is that he’s never known how to say that he is hungry without fear that people will see the truth that he is starving.

Or, a year after the events of the Interdarshan Championship, Alhaitham finally retires

I've connected the dots (What dots? This is sudoku?) by heartslogos (T, 35k)

In which the entirety of Sumeru gets stuck on reading into something that just isn't there.

The Stars Shine Brighter in Your Eyes (but I'll never admit it) by SynapticCryokinetic (G, 32.8k)

Alhaitham has one last job as the Acting Grand Sage of Sumeru - to rescue Sumeru from another potential age of digital slavery. Kaveh was roped in amidst loud wails about his safety and agreed to help Alhaitham in exchange for never having to pay rent again. Features slightly cocky Alhaitham who is romantically oblivious and goofball Kaveh who is equally romantically hopeless.

your fragrance like an accolade by alcazary (T, 16.5k)

"I'm me. I promise, I'm me. You don't like soup— you rail at me whenever I make it because you can't eat it when you read your books. You smile at me whenever I fix your headphones for you, whenever I put a peach candy in your mouth. Alhaitham," it sounds like Kaveh's begging. He should never beg. Not when Alhaitham is going to kill him. He's not—

or: alhaitham gets kidnapped

sorry it's so short this time! it's been taking me longer to finish fics recently since i've been listening to them instead (using microsoft edge's built-in tts, would recommend!) but i hope you find something you like regardless🫡 i have a huge backlog of wonderful fics that i need to read so i shall get cracking on those and report back with more recs soon.....in the meantime if you stumble upon any life changing fics yourself please do share in the comments or tags TY🙏

#haikaveh fic recs #kavetham fic recs #haikavetham #haikaveh #kavetham #fic rec list #i love literature #ask #again if any summaries or ratings are incorrect please lmk!

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verysium · 2 years ago

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bllk characters and what you think would be their type or what they find attractive in a girl?🙈💗💌

i mean... 🤔 do u want the truthful answer or do u want the ideal answer? cus i don't think any of the bllk boys (maybe with the exception of otoya and aiku) would have a type, much less let it be limited to a girl. but assuming they actually have a life outside of football, here are some traits they would find attractive in a person:

isagi would like someone he can see as a role model. throughout his life, he often finds figures that inspire him (eg. noel noa, ego, even rin if you squint hard enough). he doesn't idolize them, but he does find a way to incorporate their strengths into his playing style and actions. if you have a character trait he highly values, he will like you, and it's generally pretty easy to get him to like you. (unless of course, you're a massive dick like kaiser.)

i find that he gets along best with kurona and hiori. this is because (1) they can read his intentions well, and (2) they are quiet and level-headed. obviously, this would also apply to the romantic side of his life. isagi admires people who are similar to him but still have their own quirks and idiosyncrasies. for example, you subtly support him from behind the scenes and bring him snacks after practice and pack his bento every morning. he appreciates small gestures of kindness.

isagi is also someone very hot-headed as evidenced by his potty mouth. he likes someone who can match his energy and passion but is still calm enough to prevent him from doing anything rash. i picture him running up to you after a game, and the adrenaline causes him to pick you up from out of the stands and twirl you around in his arms.

canonically, isagi is unpopular with girls. he literally returned from valentine's day empty-handed. he tries to be nice most times, but truthfully, nothing except football really interests him. so if you can skip the small talk and start drafting football plays with him, i think he would be attracted to you. like very attracted.

unrelated but he likes someone with a pretty laugh.

bachira needs someone motherly. i feel like he never really got to be a child because everyone around him was constantly putting him down for being the "weird" kid. that's why his current personality is undeniably childish at times. it's the only way he can express the inner child he had before he grew up too fast. i think he'd like people who take care of him in a parental manner, whether that's scolding him for doing something stupid, wiping his chin cus he's a messy eater, or teaching him english every day.

i feel bachira is one of the most extroverted characters in blue lock. he genuinely thrives off his interactions with others. and for that reason, i think he'd be attracted to introverts because they differ so greatly from him. (he'd probably adopt them too.)

bachira has the most creative insults, and that's partially why he gets along so well with isagi. he's not afraid to get out of his comfort zone, nor is he afraid of pushing others to do the same. if this boy can hallucinate whole monsters, he can sure as hell rip his opponents into pieces. i feel like he'd have such a stark duality around you. he'd be beating the crap out of the other team, but the moment he sees you, he's all sunshine and rainbows and bounding over to ask you about your day and overshare about his.

ADHD. that's it. that's the quote. if you're hyperactive, then he's hyperactive, and you'll both be rocking the same boat. most people would assume he needs a grounding presence in his life, but i think post u-20 arc bachira is actually mature enough to process his own issues. now he just needs someone to let loose and have a little fun with.

rin needs a therapist. end of story. this boy is a whole case study. i don't think he's even mentally stable enough to have a romantic relationship. but if he were to date someone, i'd imagine that person is somewhat similar to isagi (and no, this is not a ship.)

isagi has something rin definitively lacks, and that is his strong, dynamic sense of self. when rin fails, he takes it heart. all solutions are linear and logical to him. if he missed a goal, it was because he didn't train hard enough. if he couldn't beat sae, it was because he just wasn't good enough.

but isagi completely changes his mindset every time he loses. (there's a reason why he's surrounded by puzzle pieces all the time.) analyzing is second nature to him. every failure is a catalyst for self-improvement, and he constantly breaks himself down in order to adapt and rebuild. rin needs someone like that in his life, someone who can teach him to be unafraid of change and embrace it instead.

rin also isn't immune to external influences. obviously, he is still learning to play football for himself. looking at the pxg version of him, he has had a significant change in mindset, but he still hasn't completely separated himself from this idea of "beating" someone in order to get to the top. according to his logic, if he surpasses both sae and isagi, he will finally be content. but the truth is, he won't be anywhere near content because his ego still isn't entirely his own. i think he would admire someone who refuses to let themselves be defined by others.

rin would also like someone who is patient because he clearly isn't. (boy was about to have a whole brain aneurysm when bachira threw that paper airplane at him.) honestly, you need to be both gentle and persistent with him. he hates it when people come on too strong, but he also finds his walls slowly crumbling when someone repeatedly goes out of their way to show that they care.

rin has a high level of emotional intelligence, as evidenced by sae's comments about his intuition. however, he can only work out a person's thought process about halfway before he starts to feel lost himself. for example, he can understand that sae dislikes losing, but he doesn't understand that it's innately tied to sae's self-worth and expectations as the eldest child/genius prodigy/role model. if he's going to romantically date anyone, then they need to be extremely skilled in the art of communication. otherwise, rin is going to easily misinterpret things.

finally, i think he'd like someone who knows how to comfort him. rin overthinks. like a lot. the cogs in his brain are constantly whirring. you need to lay him down on your lap and run your fingers through his hair and tell him that everything's going to be alright. (and it is going to be alright, because you're about to move both heaven and earth for him to make it stay that way.)

kaiser has no set type, but if he did, it would also be isagi (i'm sorry but yoichi is our harem princess for a reason.) kaiser oscillates between this superiority and inferiority complex. he even admits he was weak-hearted once.

any and all attraction is heightened for him because he gets obsessed easily. (like did you see his massive desktop displays of isagi? tell me that does not scream high-key yandere shit to you.)

however, more so than people, kaiser is fixated on ideals. he literally got a cheesy blue rose tattoo to remind himself that nothing is impossible, and he stands naked in front of his mirror every morning repeating the motto: "this is me." the self-esteem issues are glaringly obvious.

now, rather than completely shatter his entire worldview like isagi did, you need to be the one to gently (and i stress, gently) remind him that sometimes ideals aren't everything. kaiser is unpredictable, but the one thing that stays constant about him is the many masks he hides behind. everything is a role to him, and he takes center stage. but you need to convince him that none of this really matters. he doesn't need to bedazzle himself in tattoos and dye his hair and sport a mullet-rattail hybrid to be worthy of attention. sometimes his ugly bed head and dark circles are precisely the reason you love him.

second of all, you need to set firm boundaries (otherwise you'll end up like ness.) kaiser wants someone with a backbone, and he does not turn a blind eye to raw potential. victory is his end goal, and if you can bring him one step closer to that, he will stick to you. the only issue here is that you need to make sure he does not use you. and believe me, he will try. but if you draw a strong line between you two and stand your ground, he will start to see you in a new light. it can go both ways (love or hate), but either way you are someone important in his eyes.

lastly, i think he wants someone with a sense of humor. he's naturally cocky, and he needs someone to match his wit. ness already does that, but he doesn't give kaiser enough challenge. in my mind, i imagine kaiser trying to impress you with his german, but you give him a good run for his money when you already know how to speak it. things like that. he thinks it's hot when you can stand up to his level. but at the end of the day, your loyalty still lies with him, and you're not above/below him but rather the one standing beside him.

barou doesn't have a type. he is the type. you're lucky to have him.

otoya likes cute girls, even better when they have the standard fringe/bob cut look. he also lives for the height difference. teasing short girls by patting their heads is his signature move. he also likes it when girls wear lipgloss, like a sparkly candy pink shade, maybe even a spritz of perfume. he's also type to make fun of the little chubby pooch you get when you eat too much. he thinks it's adorable. personality-wise, it doesn't matter. he's going to cheat anyways. jk but on a more serious note, the person he's likely going to stay with forever is someone who can forgive his weaknesses and actually make the effort to understand him. instead of writing him off as an immature two-timer, he'd appreciate people who can actually hear him out. obviously, it doesn't excuse any of his actions, but it lets him know that you do indeed care.

aiku says he likes anyone who looks easy to break up with, but it's actually the opposite. he tends to go for older women who end up slapping him in the face. he's a womanizer, but he actually has a significant amount of character depth. generally, he's someone who goes with the flow, and nothing really upsets him. but to actually get to know him and his insecurities, you'd have to be someone really important to him. i think aiku is the type to be a serial dater before he finds someone he'll actually stick to. he's afraid of commitment, and it's for good reason. the authority figures in his life have failed him enough times to be considered unreliable. please be kind to him because the childhood trauma was not. i smell lots of emotional baggage here.

nagi likes the flame type because it has few weaknesses and helped him clear three levels in digimon. oh wait, you mean his ideal type? yeah, he does not know what that is, and he's too lazy to think of one. currently he's in the middle of fighting a custody battle for choki, and he's losing to a certain purple-haired freak. please come back later.

reo likes wine aunties lol. it's canon that he prefers older women, but i think it's just because they tend to know what they want. he likes people who have a set goal and are constantly working towards it. he himself diverts all his time and resources into football once he discovers that it is his calling.

i think he's the type to be extremely popular but not actually have any deep, long-lasting connections with any of his friends. he knows a lot of people, but he doesn't know them well. that's also why he gets so attached to nagi because nagi is the first person to really know him. in a way, i think that'd translate over to the people he loves as well. he likes people who don't beat around the bush. if they like him for who he is, they'll say it outright. he doesn't need to do any digging or engage in any form of the pretentious formalities he despises.

reo is rich, which is both a blessing and a curse. on one hand, he's all set for life, but on the other hand, it unfortunately makes many of his relationships conditional. he said it himself that people are often drawn to him because of his money. so i think he'd also like someone who isn't materialistic. he values honesty and genuine connection above all, so if you're ready to give him love regardless of his status, he'd sincerely love you too.

chigiri likes tomboys or any person with masculine characteristics. he's constantly getting mistaken for a girl at blue lock, so i think it'd just be funny to pair him up with someone who also shares the same androgynous plight. you two would bond over breaking gender norms.

he's a capricorn, and even if astrology is a pseudoscience, i still feel like the archetype fits him well. he refuses to let other people see him cry. he values his family a lot. he tends to be moody and intense at times. not to mention he is very goal-driven (excuse the pun.) based on that, i think he'd want someone calm and understanding. it's not that he needs someone else to work out his own problems for him. it's more so that he needs someone to remind him that he's still human sometimes. i feel like after his injury, he was sort of in this survival mode, constantly trying to prove himself and get back to the level he used to be at. but you need to remind him that he can relax once in a while. it's perfectly alright if he isn't as good as he used to be right now. progress comes at a different pace for everyone.

furthermore, chigiri tends to project a serious image most of the time, so i think it'd be nice if someone reminds him that he does have indeed an odd sense humor and his fair share of stupid moments, and that's totally okay too.

shidou likes anyone who doesn't like him, but this has to be done the right way. within blue lock, he's already sort of this outcast because no one understands his playing style (except maybe sae.) you need to show him that you value his eccentricities while also keeping him at an arm's length. he loves a challenge.

since he's someone unafraid to express himself, he likes to see that in another person. whether it's in your fashion sense, way of talking, body language, etc., he loves it when you act unapologetically yourself.

shidou is quite literally a dog kept on a leash, so you need to tug on that leash from time to time. he loves it when people attempt to tell him off and call him out for his bullshit. inhibition is a foreign concept to him, so he feels entertained when others try to teach it to him. he also thinks it's immensely sexy when you're angry at him. lord knows he is definitely going to slip that in mid-argument just so you can yell at him some more.

sae wouldn't even believe in the concept of a "type" in general because he thinks it's stupid to categorize people based on an ideal and fixed set of characteristics. (that's pretty rich coming from a guy who calls people who don't meet his standards lukewarm but we're just gonna ignore his hypocrisy.) either way, he has a non-traditional view of love and attraction.

i do think he likes people who are solid and reliable, and they can continuously yield quality results. he would also want someone who is as ambitious as him because i don't think he can realistically get along with someone who has no dreams or aspirations. it just doesn't fit well with his driven personality.

people who are empathetic and emotionally intuitive intrigue him since that's something he lacks. personally, i think he'd like someone who is mature (doesn't matter if they're older or younger.) if you can teach him something useful, he find you worthy of his time. and if you can read his feelings without him even telling you, he would consider you someone special.

sae needs someone who holds similar ideals to him but doesn't follow him blindly. (notice how he hated it when rin blindly relied on his assists when they were children.) he want someone who is independent because he is also highly independent. however, the difference is that they also actively make room in their life for other people, and that is something sae doesn't know how to do.

there's a point of growth somewhere in your relationship where you call out his mistakes and set him on the right path. sae struggles a lot with his definition of victory, and he finds it difficult to curb his greed. his ego is what sets him apart from everyone else, so failure is not an option in his books. unfortunately, this is also why he loses some of his original spark/motivation. you need to be someone who can tell him that failure is not a weakness, and sometimes the journey matters more than the ending.

also this poor boy needs someone to teach him social cues because i don’t really think he knows how to read the room. he’d probably unintentionally insult a chairman or investor, and you’ll be trailing after him with a sheepish smile as you bow and apologize for him. (i feel bad for his manager.)

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