#so i could walk around the hospital without needing to call a nurse to unhook me

[nexus-nebulae]

ok i get that people will have sex in some weird places both irl and in fiction but when a show has two characters trying to fuck in a hospital i cannot suspend my disbelief whatsoever bc when i was in the hospital any time my heart rate went Slightly above average a nurse would be in my room within minutes, if they've got a character hooked up to a heart monitor they'd notice that shit immediately

[youxmove]

It was awful to see him tied down like this, and while both Sharon and Sam requested for him to NOT be treated like a prisoner- they both knew that it was probably physically the safest option or the staff and for Bucky. It was no secret how distrusting he was of hospitals or doctors that are anywhere but Wakanda- and understandably so- and there was no telling how he'd react once he found out he'd been cut open and had all the procedures that anyone would have in his situation. Plus...it also wasn't a secret that Bucky Barnes was a runner and if he could, he would.

Sharon's quick to say her goodbye to Sam, hugging him tightly, and once again thanking him for everything he'd done, and telling him to be safe before Sharon comes back to Bucky's side. "Sam, Joaquin, two other doctors, and five federal officers made sure that all the blood they needed, and all the blood you'd lost, was properly taken care and disposed of. But they had to take samples baby, they had to. Sam made absolutely certain none of it was put in wrong hands. Don't worry about it...it's okay."

She wouldn't leave his side, not until he was fully healed, and they were home. The group responsible for this was still at large, and while Sharon knew they weren't likely to "come finish the job" per se....it was still unsettling.

Her name called out for the second time stirs her, quickly sucking a breath and looking up at him in a slightly panicked state. But the panic slowly turns into a look of confliction and slowly Sharon lets out a sigh and stands. Hands grab his water, bringing the straw to his lips to let him take a sip then sets it down to softly smooth back his hair.

"Here's the deal, don't think for a second- for a single second- that that every single person that works in this hospital hasn't been Bucky briefed. I mean it. Everyone down to the janitors have been. If they see you up and walking around without me, Sam, nurse, or physical therapist they have instructions to set off an alarm and an authorized nurse or doctor will come and you will be sedated. Okay? There are still things that need to heal and you up running around or trying to get out of here isn't going to do you any good- we even called Shuri and she said the same. You need to stay put....so I will unhook you- but don't you dare make me regret this."

Carefully Sharon moves to unhook the straps over his body, laying her hand on his upper chest then comes to sit on the left side of hospital bed then carefully lays on her side beside him. "We'll get your arm on soon too...but they also don't want that extra weight pulling at your chest...so it's just best to keep it off right now."

Her fingers come to softly trace along his dog tags, kissing the vibranium shoulder plate softly. "I lost you," she finally whispers after a moment. "Your heart stopped, you quit breathing....I was hanging onto your corpse until the paramedics came. You...you died....and I lost you..."

By all rights, his body is fine, but the mental exhaustion he feels from the sheer amount of medication he'd been given to be kept under, not fine. He's groggy, and frustrated, and feels raw from the nasal cannula. There's the thought to raise his hand and pull it away, but no compliance. They won't return his left arm for another few days, and until he's completely conscious, alert, and oriented, they won't remove the straps holding him down.

He counts the overkill - two across his chest, a third across his arm, with a fourth holding his right hand in place. One around his waist, thighs, shins, and each individual foot.

"Blood." He croaks, the first word out of his mouth when he's able the next day. Realizing he sounds like a vampire, there's an audible groan until he's able to get water and rouses more. "My blood. No samples."

"Taken care of." Sam answers, over Sharon's shoulder where he'd snuck in. He placed a sealed case in the corner - Bucky's arm - and leaves them with a, "When he's ready."

The third day he's more coherent, eyes open, and agitated at continuous restraint. But everyone knows the second they are off, he will try to walk. If he can walk, he will leave. His gaze falls on Sharon half curled in a chair, half resting on his bed where he still can not touch her. He knows she hasn't left since the doctor's brought him to, knows it's a losing battle to even try to get her to, which is why Sam, too, finally left to go back into the field.

"Shar." He says, softly at first, and will again if she doesn't stir. "Please, for the love of all things, unhook me."

[scuttle-buttle]

WC: 2261

Rated: M

Tags: angst, medical issues, pregnancy complications, hurt/comfort, anxiety, brief mentions of medical procedures but no gore, nothing is technically sad, fluff, papa laszloooo

A/N: honestly tho I am sorry. also i maybe cried a little writing this, which is a first. also also everybody is fine in this it's just emotional

Blame @hardlyinteresting

🧠

"Three weeks…. Three weeks little bean…" you mumble as you rub your protruding stomach after a particularly harsh kick to your ribs. The chair was a sweet relief to your ankles after a long day at work and doing some light chores around the house all afternoon. You had three weeks until you hit 39 weeks into your pregnancy. As much as you were anxious you were ready. Ready to not feel like a bloated whale. Ready to not have sore feet. But most of all, ready to hold your baby girl.

Laszlo had been trying to convince you to take it easy and start maternity leave early, but you resisted. The last thing you were about to do is nothing. Most first pregnancies went late anyway, you'd argued, so you didn't worry about it yet. I’m pregnant, not dying - give me another week, you'd told him.

What you didn't tell him was about the headaches. Or how sore your legs were. Or how absolutely exhausted you'd been feeling the last couple weeks. Whenever he would ask if you were alright or offer a foot rub you would just brush it off as third trimester woes. You didn't want to worry him.

You were sat in an armchair in the parlor, feet propped up, damp rag over your eyes. The droning from the tv had your nerves on edge. All you wanted to do was take some tylenol and feel better, but you had been knocking back more than was probably safe the last few days so you went without.

A sudden pain shoots through you causing the rag to fall onto your chest. “Ohh...ow? OW!” You sit up straighter as the ache persists; the dull throbbing in your upper abdomen unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Were you in labor early? Did she just kick in a bad spot? No no - surely the pain would’ve died down by now had that been the case. Unless? Can babies kick so hard they rupture something? Did my kid just bust my liver? Your thoughts run rampant as you wait, in vain, for the pain to go away. The pricking behind your eyes and in your temples only made it more hellish. Pressing your palm to the spot does nothing, nor do the breathing exercises you had been taught.

When five minutes have passed by without relief you make the choice to call out for your husband. “Laz?” No response. “Laszlo!” A beat passes; nothing. You swallow through your building nausea.

“I swear to fucking-” you growl as you snatch your phone from the end table to your left. You use all your concentration to dial his number.

It rings four times.

“Bärchen, why are you call-”

You don’t let him finish. “Something’s wrong.”

______

Head thrown back into the flat, starchy hospital pillow you groan in frustration. “permanent bedrest?” You scrub the hand not clutching your belly down your face.

The emergency room Obstetrician gives you a pitying look. “I’m afraid so - your blood pressure is high and we want to keep it under control to prevent outcomes such as pre-eclampsia. I recommend doing as little as absolutely possible; get rid of as many stressors as you can.” He flips through your chart. “You said you’ve been having headaches and fatigue for nearly two weeks? Why didn’t you come in sooner?”

Huffing, you tell him “I thought it was just part of the third trimester. Everyone always complains about how bad it is.” He hums in response.

“Well. I’m going to go take a final look at your labs, make sure everything else is fine before we discharge you. I’ll send in my Nurse Practitioner to give you the run down and anything else you’ll need to know. And should anything else like this happen again - get in here immediately.” He pats you awkwardly on the hand before nodding at Laszlo and leaving the room.

Laszlo.

Sparing a glance from the corner of your eye you see him looking towards his lap, his weaker hand cradled in the other. He’d been quiet since you admitted when your symptoms had first begun. Every single time he’d asked you how you were feeling you had lied to him. Granted, you didn’t technically know you were lying. But it makes little difference when you’re sitting in the ER. He had every reason to be upset.

“Laszlo honey,” you reach over to him. Slowly he takes your proferred hand and stands, coming to stop beside the bulky bed frame. His thumb caresses your wrist.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve examined the signs, kept a better eye on you.”

“Laz-”

“-No-”

“-I didn’t want to worry you, okay?-” Your voice breaks as you defend yourself.

“-I could’ve done something, maybe- I don't know!” His slightly raised voice startles you quiet. The pain in his eyes only makes you feel guiltier. He licks his lips. “I took the liberty of calling your mother. She will be here tomorrow afternoon and will be staying in the guest room as long as we need her.”

Now you look away, indignant. “I don’t need to be watched like I’m a child.” The tears behind your eyelids rush in; a lone drop trailing down your cheek as the embarrassment settles within your gut. You knew that at some point it was likely you would need her here. However you imagined it to be under happier circumstances. A deep inhale fails to calm your sobs. “I just- I don’t want to be a burden with all this.” Your tears flow freely now.

“My dear you could never be.” Laszlo sits on the edge of the bed. He rests his right palm above the swell of your child, his left cupping along the curve of your jaw. He tilts you to face him. “But the health of you and our girl is what is most crucial now. Let us take care of you. Please.”

A gentle kick underneath his palm from your daughter is answer enough.

__________

Two weeks. 14 days.

Lying in bed, sitting in the same spot for hours on end was actually going to be the death of you. You were sure of it.

Your mother truly has been a huge help since arriving. Laszlo wanted to start his paternity leave, but you insisted that he stay until you were closer to your due date. Which couldn’t come fast enough, you might add. Both Laszlo and your mother were prone to pestering you about some things, but at other times if you truly wanted to be alone they gave you your space. Now was one of those times. Laptop to your side, you watch another episode of Grey’s Anatomy. A knock sounds. You turn to see your husband standing in the doorway, the blood pressure monitor in arm.

He gives you a bright smile. “How are you two on this fine afternoon?”

“Cut it with the attitude, bucko. Let’s get this over with.” The words, while harsh, had little bite to them. His brow raises but he says nothing. You honestly felt bad that you’d been in a pretty foul mood since being discharged. On more than one occasion you’d said as much to Laszlo and your mother - they didn’t deserve your ire. Thankfully they understood why you were so frustrated.

You held the strap in place as he secured the velcro and started the machine. Buzzing filled the overall quiet room. Closed eyes you wait. Some days your results were higher than others. Unless you became higher than a certain threshold the doctor said you were safe to be home. At the sound of a beep Laszlo unhooks the cuff, reporting that your levels are within the acceptable range. When he goes to leave you alone you clutch at his sleeve. He waits as you peer up at him. “Stay?”

He never could say no to you.

______

Little bean’s ruthless treatment of your bladder had you up for the second time that night. You waddled to the bathroom to attend to your business and wash your hands. Glancing at the circles under your eyes in the mirror you sigh. “I love you baby bean but you’re giving me a run for my money here, kid,” you whisper as you rub your stomach. Three days, you remind yourself.

The floor creaks as you shuffle back to bed. Suddenly, an odd warm trickling sensation travels down your legs. “What the fuck?” Looking down around your bulging bump you find yourself standing in a small puddle, the glint of the bathroom night light reflecting off the surface. “Shit okay…ah Laszlo? Hey, I need you to wake up.”

He grumbles. With a roll of your eyes you walk over and shake him awake. “Hey- what-” he sits up instantly and blinks at you. “Is everything alright?”

“My water broke.”

He hops into action right away. Moving you to sit on the bed, he pulls out his cell phone to call your doctor. As he talks you watch him move around the room, the phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, as he collects your hospital supplies. You feel useless as you sit. Yet, you know that your priority needs to be keeping yourself calm and that moving around could exacerbate your condition.

He hangs up. Coming to stand in front of you he presses a kiss to your forehead; “I’ll go wake your mother. Don’t move, Liebling.”

As you sit you blow out a long breath. You look down at your bump. “Guess you decided you’re ready to go, huh kid?” The tip of your fingers brush along the side of your stomach. “I know we’re ready for you too. We’re going to love you so much, and your daddy? He’s gonna be the best, you’ll see.” Placing your palms flat she nudges you from within.

_____

The doctors decided that a c-section was the safest route. You both knew it was a possibility, but you had hoped that after weeks of bedrest that your blood pressure would balance out enough for a natural delivery. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. They monitored you for an hour before your contractions began, officially confirming you were in fact in active labor and dilating. After the fourth hour your blood pressure began to spike again. That’s when they decided to prep you for the procedure.

The operation went smoothly. The atmosphere of the surgical suite was tense with your nerves, but Laszlo’s calming words and his hand squeezing yours kept the anxiety from spilling over. You even found it in you to poke fun at how ridiculous he looked in the puffy blue elastic hair cap he wore.

When the first cries rang out you nearly tried to hop off the table to see your baby. The doctors worked quickly to ensure you were in proper condition while the infant was cleaned.

“Dad? Would you like to come and cut the cord?” one of the nurses calls out.

Laszlo looks back at them before turning to face you. He searches your eyes for a moment; “go,” you nod with a smile. You watch as he did what the nurses instructed as best you could, her soft wails echoing in the small room. He returns to you right after while they finish wrapping her up in a blanket.

“She’s beautiful my dear,” your professor confesses. He leans to give you a lingering kiss. “I’m so unbelievably proud of you.”

“I love you so much.”

“As I love you.”

The doctor interrupts your moment. “Would you like to hold your baby girl?” The question is directed at you, but you look over to your husband. The man you love more than life itself. He stares at the little bundle as if she’s the most incredible sight he’s ever laid eyes on. He can’t take his gaze off her. His irises sparkle with unshed tears as he looks on with wonder.

“Laz?” Finally he breaks away. “Hold your little girl - she’s been waiting to meet her Papa.”

Carefully the doctor shifts his hold on the babe to slide her into Laszlo’s waiting arm. He swallows as he pulls her to his chest. Something caught between a sob and a laugh leaves him. You blink through your own tears at the sight of your husband and daughter, a sight so far beyond perfect there could be no words. Laszlo held her with such delicacy, such reverence. It was as if any moment she could slip away as though a dream.

“Hello there my little dove, I’ve been waiting a very long time to meet you.” He doesn’t bother to wipe away the streams that fall from his eyes. “I’m your Papa and I-” he sniffs, looking towards the ceiling and blinking rapidly to clear his eyes. You rest your hand on his bicep. “I love you so very much. I would give you the world if I could. Your grandfather didn’t...he was not....” he pauses to gather himself. “To me you are the greatest gift I could ever receive. I will be the best father I can for you. A father worthy of you. Mein Gott, Ich liebe dich my darling dove.”

He continued to hold her in his arms until it was time to take you into the recovery room. When he had asked if you wanted her you simply shook your head. You would get your chance, you had a lifetime to do so. But your Laszlo needed this. He needed his little dove.

Tag list

@hardlyinteresting @lorna-d-m @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles @greeneyedblondie44 @unbeatablecurlgirl @apparrio @marchingicenotes7 @anteroom-of-death @bruhidaniel @lemairepstuff @thehuiabird @zemosimp05 @alindeluce @iamnotthecatladynextdoor @laura-naruto-fan1998 @trelaney @boneheadduluc @i-am-dead-inside-666 @fictionlandslanddreams @that-one-fandom-kid @hb8301 @fandom-princess-forevermore @foggycandywitch @creme-bruhlee @andy-rocks @nonamec0s @everythingbeginsineternity-blog @uncomfortablebagel @rachelicouss @wisia02

[bakugotrashpanda]

What do you Remember

Kaminari x Reader Word Count: 1944

Happy birthday to one (1) Denki Kaminari

Kaminari says some things and doesn’t remember them the next morning.

--

Denki Kaminari gives you a thumbs up from the hospital bed, a loopy grin on his face. This isn’t his usual ‘I overused my quirk and just need to rest’ look. No, this is the ‘I am loopy on meds’ look. When you had gotten the call that he was in the hospital, you dropped everything and rushed over.

“You the roommate?” a nurse approaches you. With the bags under her eyes, you hope she’s nearing the end of her shift. You flash your hero ID and she checks it with people authorized to take the electric hero home.

“I’m here to take him back,” you say and look at your roommate through the glass door. “Anything I should know about?” The nurse hands you her clipboard and points to the places you need to sign.

“He’s on some pretty strong painkillers,” the nurse shrugs, “He’s going to be out of it for a while. Instructions are on the bottle, don’t let him walk for the day or else he could end up back here. Will you be able to pick him up to carry him?” She checks out your physique and you have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. You’re a trained hero. ‘Can you lift him?’ Please. You could lift three of him without breaking a sweat.

To prove how capable you are, you walk into the room and scoop Kaminari bridal style out of the bed. The nurse raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. She unhooks the last of the monitors from Kaminari and asks if you need a wheelchair to get him out.

“I’ll be fine,” you smile. Kaminari’s blown out eyes widen when you walk out of the hospital.

--

“I live with the best people ever!” Kaminari grins.

“Mhm, we know,” you nod. Kaminari had been rambling the entire ride home, his words a stream of unfiltered thoughts. He had already told you how pretty the trees looked when covered with blossoms. Five times. 

“And I have the best partner ever too!” Kaminari gushes as you settle him on the couch. Sero watches this with amusement from the kitchen.

After graduating from UA, the three of you had found a cheap apartment while you all figured out how to navigate the world of being full-fledged heroes.

“Yup,” you dismiss his words and focus on keeping anything and everything the man could want in the next 24 hours. His job was to stay on the couch, but knowing him, he would probably try to walk around in the next 15 minutes. “You and Sero make a great hero team.”

“Nooo, not Sero!” Kaminari frowns, “I’m dating Y/N!” You drop the TV remote in your hand and turn to face him.

“E-EXCUSE ME?” you sputter. Dating? I think I would know if I was dating someone. 

“Oh this is gonna be good,” Sero says and pulls out his phone. You can only assume he started recording Kaminari because he asks rather loudly, “Kami, can you tell me one more time who you’re dating?”

“Yeah!” Kaminari’s face lights up in delight and he props himself up on his elbows, “I’m dating Y/N! They’re super sweet and they make the best pancakes on the weekend.”

“He’s right, you do make good pancakes,” Sero interjects. You look on in mute horror, wondering what else Kaminari will say.

“An’ I love ‘em so much!” Kaminari flops back onto the couch. Maybe he could recover in his bedroom instead of the living room where Sero could harass him for more information.

“OKAY I think it’s time someone went to bed,” you say.

“No!” Sero groans, “I want to hear some more from our esteemed roommate!” The shit-eating grin pasted on his face irritates you to no end. Kaminari barely knows what he’s saying, this wouldn’t be stuff he’d normally say. Hell, he wouldn’t even say this if blackout drunk.

“Sero, turn the camera off,” you say and pick Kaminari up in another bridal style scoop. A shutter clicks and you glare at Sero. Narrowing your eyes, you have a silent conversation conveyed through looks with the black-haired man.

“Fine,” Sero says and pockets his phone.

“You’re like a Greek god,” Kaminari stares up at you in wonder.

“Yup, sure I am, Kami,” you sigh. If only the morphine could wear off faster. Maybe it would have been better to leave him in the hospital for a while longer.

“You’re super strong. Can you bench press me?” Kaminari continues, his hands trail up and down the muscles on your arms. You try to ignore how pleased you feel from the praise.

“I bet I could.”

“Yeah, don’t you want to bench press him?” Sero snickers, getting ready to pull his phone out again.

“No, and don’t you have work to get to or something?” you ask pointedly.

“Nah, who else is going to take care of Kaminari’s bathroom needs?” Sero shrugs. That had already been agreed upon. Sero would take care of bathroom things and you would be in charge of keeping him from messing up his leg even further. Sero’s idea of taking care of him would probably include taping him in place which… would that honestly be so bad?

“Fine,” you huff, “Just keep your comments to yourself.” Sero mock salutes you and starts picking up the things you placed around the couch for Kaminari.

You spend the rest of the afternoon keeping the blond entertained. For the most part it’s easy, but the few times Kaminari tries to leave the comfort of his bed, you had to coax him to stay there. Sero, true to his word, stops trying to get Kaminari to say outlandish things and ends up leaving the two of you alone. 

By ten o’clock, you’re exhausted. Your body aches to be in the comfort of your own bed, and not on a well-worn computer chair. 

“Alright, Kami,” you sigh, “No getting up now or else I’ll have to stay in here.” Kaminari shoots up in bed at your words. His eyes are wide and he almost looks… panicked?

“No, you can't do that. If Y/N sees you,” Kaminari looks around the room and his voice drops to a whisper, “They’ll think I’m cheating on them.” Cheating? What is he talking about? Does he know that I’m right in front of him? “I could never do that! I’m not a cheater. I don’t know what I’d do if they left me.” Kaminari tries to get out of bed and away from you.

As gently as possible, you push him back onto the bed. Kneeling at the side of the bed, you hold Kaminari’s hand. “Kami, Kami,” you say. Kaminari tries to yank his hand away from yours, sheer terror written on his face. “It’s me! It’s Y/N.” When you say your own name, Kaminari stops struggling and looks at you. As if seeing you for the first time, the tension in his body melts away and a goofy grin takes over his mouth.

“You’re here!” he says softly and tugs your hands towards himself. You’re pulled into an awkward position over Kaminari’s lap. Slender fingers cup your face as he pulls you into a kiss.

Your lips tingle from the brief amount of contact, but it’s an intoxicating feeling and you can’t pull away. When Kaminari releases your mouth, he sighs and flops over on the bed. Soft snores fill the room, and you’re left frozen over him wondering what the hell just happened. Your whole body feels like it’s been electrocuted, but is that from Kaminari’s quirk or your own reaction to the kiss?

“Did he go down alright?” Sero asked when you left Kaminari’s room.

“W-What?” you ask, your head still in the clouds.

“To sleep,” Sero says, “Did you have any trouble getting Kaminari to fall asleep?”

“Oh. No.” you say and robotically move towards your room, “I’m tired though. Night.”

--

“Good morning!” Kaminari chirps and walks out of his bedroom. It’s a bit early for him to be walking, but you don’t have the energy to tell him to sit. After the kiss last night, you don’t want to carry him anywhere and make things awkward.

“You would not believe the dreams I had!” Kaminari continues, “There was a Greek god and- What?” By now he notices you and Sero staring at him.

“Kami, what do you remember from last night?” you ask slowly.

“Uh, to be one hundred percent honest, I can’t tell what’s real and what’s my imagination,” Kaminari scratches his head nervously.

“I have some grade A entertainment for us to watch,” Sero grins.

“Don’t you dare,” you snap.

“He already said it, might as well fill him in,” Sero shrugs. Your eyes narrow and you internally beg for Sero to stop.

“Or,” you hiss, “We can let things drop and pretend it didn’t happen since he clearly doesn’t remember it.” Kaminari eyes dart between you and Sero.

“You’re making me nervous, what happened?” he asks. 

“I can’t do this,” you mutter and stomp out of the room. Sero’s voice floats through your closed bedroom door.

“Ah, c’mon! His reactions to it all are part of it!”

You bite your nails and wait to hear Kaminari’s reaction. After a minute of silence, Kaminari screeches and Sero howls with laughter. Kaminari’s voice takes on a tint of anger. You can’t hear the words being said, but you can tell it’s a tense conversation.

There’s a tentative knock on the door and Kaminari pokes his head in. A deep crimson blush covers his face.

“So, uh, I guess we need to talk?” he breaks the ice.

“Do you really feel that way about me?” you ask. Kaminari avoids your eyes and slips into your room. He stands with his back against the door, about as far away as possible from you in the small space.

“I mean, yeah…” he admits. There’s a heavy pause as he thinks of what to say next. “Look, if it’s going to make things awkward, I can crash with Mina and find another place or something. You were the one who found this apartment for us.”

“There’s one thing Sero doesn’t know about,” you say. One thing that I alone know. 

“What?”

You beckon him closer. Kaminari edges forward slowly. You wait until he’s directly in front of you. Tugging his shirt towards you, he bends and his ear is next to your mouth. 

“You kissed me.” You pull him towards you and he topples on top of you. It’s reminiscent of last night, except this time you’re the one who’s going to make a move. Golden eyes meet yours as you whisper, “And I kissed you back.” Softly, you pull him into another electrifying kiss. This time you’re sure that it’s your heart and not Denki’s quirk causing the sensation. The rich, earthy scent of the ground after it rains for the first time in a long time surrounds you.

“Wait does that mean that you like me too?” Denki asks as you pull away.

“No, it means I like kissing random guys whenever I can,” you say sarcastically. Before he can say anything or take your comment seriously, you add, “Of course it means I like you!”

Denki pulls you in for another kiss. It’s slow and you greedily take as much as you can. Before lightheadedness can set in, you both break apart. 

“You know,” you say nonchalantly, “You’re not supposed to be walking for a while longer. Maybe you can stay here and we can cuddle or something?” Denki flops next to you and pulls you close.

“I think I can do that.”

--

A/N: instead of starting a Denki multichapter thing, I went through my WIPs and found an idea I hadn’t touched in a while :x

 @kiliakit @redbeanteax @burnedbyshoto @hisoknen @secondhand-trash @bratwritings @ttamaki @tomurasprincess @bakugous-forehead​ @jojosmilktea​

[jobrookekarev]

Little Moon Chapter 4

Chapter: 4/?

Words: 4724

Summary:  Jo spends the evening with Luna in her room on the Ped floor and Hayes announces that Luna is ready to go home. After Luna passes the car seat test with flying colors, Jo and Luna go to their new home at Meredith's house.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Jo Wilson/Alex Karev (Mentioned).

Characters: Jo Wilson, Luna Ashton, Cormac Hayes, Meredith Grey, Atticus Lincoln, Levi Schmitt, Zola Grey-Shepherd, Derek Bailey Grey-Shepherd, and Ellis Grey-Shepherd.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Fluff, All the Fluff, Parenting, Babies, NICU Baby, Foster Care, Going Home, Nursery, Infant Care, Jo being a Mom!

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: After Thursday's episode, we all need some good Jo and Luna fluff where they're both happy and together! I swear if Krista doesn't make this right I'm going to cry a river and then riot on twitter!

……………………………………………………………………

Jo sighed yet, all of her exhaustion faded away as she walked into Luna's room on the Ped’s floor. Luna had graduated to her own room a month ago after her bout of Aspiration Pneumonia. She had been taken off the ventilator, although she was still on supplemental oxygen. Since then, she had also gained a pound and a half and now weighed 6 pounds. Her preemie was now a little baby, still small, but absolutely perfect. Luna was doing so well and Jo couldn't be more proud of her little fighter. 

“Hello, my Little Moon,” Jo said as she went over to Luna's crib and looked down to see her swaddled in the white and blue star blanket that Jo had hung over her incubator since she was four weeks old.

Luna woke up and let out the most adorable yawn, but immediately her face contorted into a grimace as she let out a cry. Jo cooed as she carefully lifted Luna out of the crib and was careful with her oxygen and other monitors as she moved over to sit in the rocking chair. The move from the crib to the rocking chair without disturbing any of the monitors or oxygen tubes was a delicate dance that Jo had become an expert at. 

Luna’s fussing continued, but the second Jo picked her up, she started to calm. By the time they settled in the rocking chair, Luna had calmed down and was staring up at her with big blue eyes. Jo smiled down at Luna as they rocked back and forth and held her baby.

“Mama had such a hard day today. I don't remember my first year of residency being this hard, but Auntie Carina is kicking Mama's butt. And she speaks in Italian at a hundred words a minute, so I can barely keep up. I think I'm going to have to learn Italian if I want to keep studying with her. Can you help your Mama learn Italian, mia bella luna?” Jo said as she trailed her finger down Luna's cheek.

“But how was your day, Luna? Were you good for Dr. Hayes and your nurse Jackie?” Jo asked as Luna just stared up at her before Jo reached for the tablet and looked at Luna's chart. “Oh, I see you ate a lot today, and you were able to burp, but you peed on the nurse again. I thought we agreed we liked nurse Moria? And then you got some playtime and a good nap, no poopy diapers. I guess you’re saving that for Mama, but let's try not to poop in the tub again?”

Jo continued to talk to Luna and tell her all about her day as she stared up at her. Luna became fussy again, and Jo got her a bottle, then burped her, and changed her diaper. Sure enough, she was saving the poop for Jo, but thankfully she didn't ruin her onesie. Jo got her cleaned up and then pulled out the spaced themed play mat and set it on the floor, gently placing Luna in the middle for a bit of tummy time. She also put on some soft music and dangled the little rocket ship in front of her as it seemed to be Luna’s favorite, or at least she stared at it more than the other toys. Luna usually didn’t like tummy time, and after a few minutes, she began to fuss, so Jo moved her onto her back where she wiggled her arms and legs and stared up at the little rocket ship that Jo clipped to the overhead bar. 

Luna wasn't too active as she was still technically a newborn despite being three months old. They had to subtract from her due date, and so technically, Luna was three weeks old. Yet, she seemed so big to Jo, despite the fact that she was only 6 lb. She couldn't help but remember how tiny she was when she was in the incubator, and here she was, moving around and turning her head. She just seemed to have grown so much in such a short time. Luna wiggled around for a while until she decided she was done and began to cry. Jo swept her up into her arms and held her close, enjoying their snuggle time. 

As it got dark, Jo ordered food from the cafeteria and ate dinner one handed as she held Luna. After dinner, Jo got Luna set up for a bath. Because of her sensitive skin, she only got one every few days, but they were Jo's favorite days as she got to play with her in the water, and Luna loved the water. Jo filled up the bath in the adjoined bathroom, and nurse Jackie came in to help Jo unhook Luna from all of her monitors and the oxygen tubes. Finally, Jo completely undressed her and wrapped her in a fresh swaddle blanket before going into the bathroom and setting Luna in the baby tub. Jo sat down on the ground next to the tub and grabbed a cup as she gently poured warm water over Luna’s stomach in the swaddle. Luna’s eyes immediately fluttered close as she seemed content in the bath.

“Yeah, you like the warm bath, don't you, Little Moon,” Jo said with a smile as she poured the water over her body again. 

After a few minutes, Jo began to unswaddle one of Luna’s arms one at a time so she can gently wash them with a washcloth and a little bit of soap. She made sure to get in between her fingers and toes before Jo finally opened the blanket, and she rubbed the washcloth over her little tummy, gentle of the scars from her Bronchogenic cyst  and the Nissen fundoplication a few weeks ago. They were just hairline scars now and Jo knew that by the time she was an adult, they would just be finger-length long. When she grew up and asked about the scars, Jo would tell Luna that her scars were nothing to be ashamed of because she was a fighter and her scars were a symbol of her survival. Jo finished washing her body and swaddled Luna back up before she gently rubbed the washcloth over Luna's cheek.

“Oh I know, I know. We don't like this part, do we?” Jo said to Luna as she fussed and turned her head away.

Jo tried to be as quick as possible, gently scrubbing away the stickiness leftover from the tape to her oxygen tubes and being as gentle with her baby's skin as she could. Jo finished up and grabbed the grey elephant baby towel as Luna cried. She unswaddled her from the wet blanket and picked her up, putting Luna in her lap with the towel as she quickly wrapped it around her. Jo held Luna close and cuddled her gently, rocking back and forth until Luna calmed down again before she drained the bath and went back into the room. Jo gently laid her down on the fresh crib sheets that Jackie had changed. 

“Alright, diaper first and then, lotion, bottle, book, songs, and bed, sound good, my Little Moon?” Jo asked as she wiggled her fingers over Luna’s tummy. 

Jo hooked Luna back up to all of her monitors and got the oxygen tubes placed as she kicked. Jo grabbed the lotion and massaged Luna’s gentle skin as she looked up at Jo with her big blue eyes. Jo picked out a fresh onesie, this one was a light blue with white outlines of little leaves all over it, before grabbing the matching blanket that Jo gently wrapped around her, but not yet swaddling her. The room had a little sink and countertop where Jo was able to make up a bottle before she chose a book from the shelf. Tonight’s book was called ‘My Little Brave Girl’ and was one of the many gifts that Jo had received since she began the process of adopting Luna. The books had been her favorite as she settled in the rocking chair with the bottle and the book as she read to her Little Moon. 

As Jo finished the book, she looked down at Luna, who was still working on the bottle. “You know, for someone who only drinks about 4 oz, you sure do take a while,” Jo said as she smiled down at her and continued to stare at her as she ate.

These were her favorite moments of the day. The calm, quiet moments that she got to spend with Luna, just holding her and taking care of her. Jo transitioned into the role of Luna's mom faster than she could have ever imagined, although there were some hiccups here and there. Jo felt lucky that she still had lots of nurses and other staff at the hospital to take care of Luna while she was at work, yet she still felt every bit Luna's mom. She tried to be there when she woke up in the morning, she spent all her breaks there, and she was there to put Luna to bed at night. These days she practically lived in the room with Luna, and Hayes didn't have the heart to kick her out when she fell asleep in the rocking chair. At least it was better than the crowded Loft with Helm and Levi still crashing there. It was rough though, Jo couldn’t take off her mask or ventilator helmet for very long, and she couldn’t officially set up a cot, so she occasionally slept in the on-call room down the hall. Yet Jo made it work because she would rather sleep in a rocking chair than be away from Luna.

Jo heard a knock on the glass and looked up to see Bailey and Webber smiling at her as they waved. “Look, Auntie Bailey and Uncle Richard are here to see you.”

Luna had finished her bottle, and Jo placed it on the shelf before she got up and walked over to stand in front of the window so Bailey and Weber could see her. 

“Well, hello Luna, aren't you getting big and you look so happy in your Mama's arms,” Bailey said as she waved and smiled at Luna.

“She's getting big, isn't she Wilson,” Webber asked, looking down at little Luna and giving her a wave. 

“She is, she ate a whole 4 ½ ounces tonight, and now she weighs 6 lb, she’s getting so big,” Jo said, smiling down at Luna with pride. 

“Oh well, you gotta get big and strong so that you can keep your Mama on her toes, isn’t that right, little missy,” Bailey said as she cooed at Luna, who was fixated on her.

Luna had so many aunties and uncles who came by and visited her every day at the hospital. Even Meredith had managed to stop by and visit. Although they weren’t allowed in Luna's room, they waved and smiled at her through the glass. Bailey and Weber talked to her for a little while before Luna grew fussy and tired, and they left so Jo could put her down. 

Jo pulled the curtain across the glass and turned off the overhead lights before turning on the moon shaped light. She turned on the sound machine that she had gotten to play the quiet sounds of the rain. She put Luna back down on the crib to swaddle her before she picked her back up again and returned to the rocking chair. 

“La la lu, La la lu,

Oh, my little star sweeper,

I'll sweep the stardust for you,

La la lu, La la lu,

Little soft, fluffy sleeper,

Here comes a pink cloud for you.” 

Jo had to admit she didn't have the best singing voice, but Luna’s eyes fluttered close, and she settled in her arms, and quietly drifted off. Over the past few weeks, Jo had learned all the Disney lullabies, and the Little Star Sweeper song from Lady and the Tramp had quickly become Luna and Jo’s favorite. 

Even after Luna fell asleep, Jo kept singing the lullaby once more, and she continued to rock and hold Luna. She never felt like she got enough time with her, in between her residency and her studies, and Luna being in the hospital, being rounded on and checked over. Jo could hold Luna forever and some nights she did. As soon as she was sure she could move without waking her up, Jo grabbed her OB/GYN books and the TV remote and settled in to study with Luna in one arm. Although it was hard to concentrate with the sleeping little girl in her arms captured her attention every time Jo looked at her. She didn't even notice Hayes and Schmitt coming into the room with the interns for the night rounds until he pulled back the curtain and turned on the lights. 

“What the hell are you doing? Turn off the lights!” Jo hissed at them as she pulled the blanket up over Luna’s head. 

“Our apologies Wilson,” Hayes said as he glared at the interns until Dr. Khan turned off the lights.

“Young Ortiz, presen.”

“Luna Ashton,” Ortiz said in a normal tone as Luna stirred in Jo’s arms.

“Shhh!” Jo shushed her along with a glare as Ortiz shrank back. 

“Ummm Luna Ashton, 4 ½ months old, born at 26 weeks, surgery at four weeks old for a Bronchogenic cyst, and another at 4 months for Nissen fundoplication, is now breathing on her own and her gastroesophageal reflux is under control. She has had no episodes of apnea or bradycardia for the last two weeks, is able to maintain her temperature, is taking donated breast milk by bottle, and weighed 6lb and 1oz at this morning’s weight check.”

As Ortiz presented, Hayes came over, and Jo reluctantly let him hold Luna and move her over to lay in the crib as he checked her lungs. Luna slept through the whole thing. It was the touch of a good pediatric surgeon. Arizona had that touch and so did Alex. Jo took a deep breath as she ignored the thought of her ex-husband and focused on the baby in front of her.

“Conclusion?” Hayes asked as he finished his exam and gave Luna back to Jo.

“Discharge with continued supplemental oxygen at home?” Ortiz said, unsure as she read the chart.

“What?” Jo asked, looking between Ortiz and Hayes. 

Hayes just smiled as Jo just stared at him in shock. “Carry on to the next patient and wait for me there.” 

“Levi can stay,” Jo said, looking at him.

The interns filtered out and closed the door as Jo just started at Hayes. “Luna can go home with me?”

“Yes, she is doing well even on supplemental oxygen, and we’ll get you set up with a CPAP machine and an apnea monitor, but with a doctor for a mum, I’m sure Luna will be in good hands,” Hayes said as he crossed his arms with a smile. “Get your maternity leave sorted and anything else you need from the courts, and we will schedule a date for the car seat test, and then the two of you can go home.”

“She can come home with me. Luna can come home?” Jo asked, still in disbelief. 

“Yes,” Hayes said with a smile.

“Jo this is amazing! Luna gets to go home!” Levi said, getting excited. “I’ll help you get the medical equipment tonight, and you can talk to Bailey and Carina tomorrow, and she can be home by this weekend.”

“Home,” Jo whispered, looking down at Luna.

Home had been the hospital for Luna’s entire life and this room had become Jo’s home too for the last few weeks. The thought of bringing her baby home to the Loft was both exciting and terrifying. Here at the hospital, Luna had round-the-clock medical care and a number of nurses who helped Jo take care of Luna’s day-to-day needs as well as all of her medical needs. Going home meant that Jo would have to do all of this on her own and although she knew how to do it, it was different because Luna was her baby. She had taken care of a number of babies when she was a resident in Ped, but this was her own kid, and there were no breaks, no shift ends. It was only her.

“Jo. Hey Jo,” Levi said, putting his hand on her shoulder as Jo finally came out of her head and looked up at him. “Don't worry, it's a good thing, and you're more than ready for it.”

“I know,” Jo said, taking a deep breath before she looked down at Luna. “We're going to be going home, my Little Moon, home.”

The day of the car seat test came, and from the moment they set Luna into the little black car seat, Jo became a nervous wreck. They got Luna settled, set up the monitor, and then they started the clock. Jo spent the hour pacing the length of Luna's room as she watched the monitor for any signs of a drop in heart rate. Jo was an anxious parent whenever it came to anything regarding Luna. Each time she so much as hiccup wronged, Jo instantly tensed up. She became just another mom on the NICU ward, and all of her logic and medical training went out the window as she worried for her daughter. Luna just watched Jo as she paced before she decided that her Mama was boring and slept through the rest of the car seat test. 

The hour was over before she knew it and Luna was officially a graduate of the NICU. There was a little bit of excitement and celebration in the room as everyone started clapping. Jo got Luna out of the car seat as she smiled down at her Little Moon. One of the nurses presented her with a tiny graduation cap that had the number of days Luna was in the NICU, along with a tiny little onesie that said NICU graduate. They were finally going home and Jo could hardly believe it.

They all got packed up to leave, and all of the nurses and staff who had come to know and love Luna just as much as she did, came to see them off. They presented her with so many gifts that Jo could barely fit them all in her car. When they walked out of the hospital, everybody was there to see them off, including Bailey, Webber, Levi, Helm, Maggie, Winston, Hayes, Teddy, Owen, and Amelia as they all wished her congratulations. Finally, Link was waiting for them next to her car.

“Your chariot awaits m’ladies,” Link said, opening the back door for her.

“Thank you for doing this,” Jo said as she put Luna’s car seat in the car and reached out to pull Link in for a hug.

She felt so lucky that she had such amazing friends and family who stepped up to be there for her and Luna. She would have never succeeded in becoming Luna's guardian or becoming her Mama if it weren't for her friends encouraging and supporting her. 

“Ready?” Link asked as he turned around in the front seat as Jo got Luna’s car seat settled and sat next to her.

“Yes,” Jo said as she looked down at Luna, who she suckled on her pacifier, still looking ever so small in her car seat. “Let's go home.”

Jo looked down at Luna for the beginning of the ride home, cooing to her and talking to her about the outside world and the parks and other places they would go to. Link made sure to try and distract her with small talk, excitedly talking about how they could have playdates now with Scout and he can meet Luna. As well as a few tricks and things he had learned in the past few months with Scout. It was weird seeing her best friend be a parent and even weirder to think that she was now a mom to her own little girl.

She was so focused on Luna that she didn't even notice when he finally pulled up to Meredith's. It was bittersweet, pulling up to the house. Jo had originally wanted to take Luna home to the Loft as it had been her home for years, but when she did the first walk through with her lawyer, she said it was unlikely that she would get approved to live in such a place as it was hardly baby-friendly. Meredith’s house had been approved for foster care before, and all they had to do was update the license and redo the background checks. Meredith had graciously and excitedly offered to let Jo and Luna move back into the house. Still, it wouldn't be home, but then again, the Loft hadn't felt like home since Alex had left. Jo felt like she was just shuffling between the hospital and the Loft the way she did when she was in foster care. She hoped that with time and with a little decorating, their room at the house could become their home.

Link quickly came around to help her out of the car. He grabbed Luna’s oxygen tank, and Jo held the car seat as they walked into the house. As soon as they walked in, they saw the huge banner across the staircase that said ‘Welcome home Auntie Jo and Luna.’ As they looked into the living room Meredith and the kids were all there waiting for them. As soon as they noticed her, they all jumped up to run and greet her. 

“Auntie Jo, you're here!” Zola said, getting to her first and wrapping her arms around Jo’s waist.

“We missed you!” Ellis said as she and Bailey bombarded Jo with hugs before they all pulled back and crouched down in front of the car seat that Jo had set on the floor.

 “Is this her? Is this our new cousin?” Zola said, smiling down at her. “Hi, baby Luna.”

“She's so tiny,” Bailey said as they all stared down at Luna. “Scout was much bigger when you brought him home from the hospital, Uncle Link.”

Luna stared up at her new cousins with wide eyes taking them in as they watched her. Jo knew she shouldn't be, but she couldn't help but feel anxious, especially as Ellis reached out to touch her. 

“Ellis, you need to ask Auntie Jo first before you touch Luna, and you need to wash your hands too,” Meredith said, coming up behind Ellis and putting her hands on her shoulders. “Why don't the three of you go put the finishing touches on Auntie Jo's room, and we’ll be up in a second.”

“Yeah, come on guys,” Bailey said, leading the charge up the stairs. 

“I'm really glad you're here, Auntie Jo. We’ve missed you, especially since Uncle Alex left,”  Zola said, giving her another hug before she disappeared up the stairs.

Jo smiled as they left, she had missed them too. They were her nieces and nephew despite how they weren't blood-related. She knew that they loved her, but going to Meredith's house just wasn't the same without Alex. And she hadn't seen the kids since the pandemic started. 

Meredith came over and pulled her in for a hug before she looked back at Luna. “How does it feel to finally be home with her?”

“I am excited and a little terrified,” Jo said as she reached down and got Luna out of her car seat. 

“I was too when we first brought Zola home, but you'll get the hang of it soon enough,”  Meredith said, giving her shoulder a squeeze before she looked back at the living room. “We've got a second oxygen machine set up down here, as well as a pack and play, a high chair, and anything else you and Luna could need.”

“Thank you,” Jo said, looking around the room and smiling. She recognized the pack and play and some of the toys from when Meredith’s kids were babies, and it was nice that Luna was able to inherit these things from family. 

“Well, let's go upstairs, and you can start unpacking,” Meredith said as she walked over to the stairs.

“I'll stick around and help you out,” Link said as he picked up the oxygen tank again and the three of them headed up.

Having lived there once before, Jo was familiar with the house and wasn't surprised when they led her into Cristina/Maggie's former room. She could hear all the kids giggling behind the door, and Bailey peeked out before Zola pulled him back in. Finally, they opened the door to her room. Jo gasped as she looked around her room. It was all set up and ready for her and Luna. The walls had been painted the same light red color as the door to the loft, and her bed had been made up with the same comforter, and even her macrame tapestry hung on the wall. Alex’s nightstand was on the right and hers on the left. There were their shelves and her woven laundry basket. Her TV was set up across from the bed, even her plants hung in the window. It was like they had simply picked up everything from her room in the Loft and put it exactly how it was in the room before her.

In the corner of the room, there was a galaxy tapestry with hanging lights at the differentiation of the little space for the nursery. Luna's white crib with her little rocket shelf was next to it with the rocker, and the little mobile with all the planets, stars, and the little moon were hung above it. Jo took everything in with wide eyed as she looked around the room and a smile stretched across her face.

“Being a new mom is hard,” Meredith said as Jo turned around to look at her and Link. “It's exhausting and never ending, and it can be very lonely, especially if you're doing it as a single parent. It's good to have a support system, and since I'm only back at work part-time, I’m able to help you whenever you need it.”

“And since Amelia and I are switching off shifts for now and Scout is here whenever one of us isn't, I can help you to, and we can figure out how to raise our kids together,” Link said with a smile, it was something that they had once dreamed about doing and now they finally could.

“I can help you out too,” Zola chimed in, hopping off the bed and coming over to them. “I can play with her and keep her entertained, and I can give her a bottle or put her down for a nap, too.”

“Me too, except that I don't do diapers,” Bailey said as everyone laughed.

“Don't worry guys, I'll do all the diaper changes,” Jo assured him as she reached out to ruffle his long blonde hair.

“Can I sleep in here with you, Auntie Jo?” Ellis asked, she had already crawled up on Jo's bed and was happily lying against the pillows.

She had always crawled up on their bed whenever Jo and Alex babysat her at the Loft. Jo had no doubt that Ellis would do exactly as her mom used to do and slip into Jo’s bed in the middle of the night. 

“We’ll see Ellie-Belly,” Jo said, giving her a wink before she looked around the room again. “Thank you for doing this. It means a lot to me, to both of us.”

She looked over at her two best friends who were like her family and they would be Luna’s family too. She smiled down at Luna, who was eagerly looking around, and walked over to the crib, she gave the mobile a light spin, turning the stars and planets, and it quickly got her attention. Luna stared at it for a second before she caught Jo’s eye and stared up at her, and opened her mouth as if she was smiling and Jo smiled too.

“Welcome home, my Little Moon.”

[buckybarnesalways]

Title: could we both stop keeping score

Warnings: mentions of suicide attempt,relapse, and slight past homophobia

Title is from would you come home by Tyler Blackburn

Part 4 of my Tarlos series

The next morning Carlos woke up and for a moment he forgot that TK wasn't there with him. Groaning to himself he hauled himself out of bed and stumbled his way to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror he sighed, he was a mess. If he looked and felt this horrible he could just imagine how TK must be feeling. He hated himself for being away from his boyfriend but every time he thought of TK his heart was overcome with inescapable fear. Frustrated, he stormed back into his bedroom just as his phone pinged with a new message. Sitting down on the bed, he picked up his phone. 

"Hi babe!" The message read. 

Smiling to himself, Carlos typed his response, "Hi yourself, beautiful."

His finger hovered over the send button. Was this really going to be the way he greeted his boyfriend after he had, by all accounts, been dead? Tossing his phone next to him on the bed, the message unsent, he scrubbed a hand down his face wishing that he could just make his worries disappear. 

TKs heart shattered when no reply came through. I've really done it this time he thought to himself? The love of my life can't even stand to speak to me. Why did he have to be found? It would have saved everyone the pain of having to deal with him. 

Having been unhooked from all the machines late the night before, he climbed out of his bed and walked over to the window. He laid his head against the cool glass and began to cry. He wanted so badly to run to Carlos, throw his arms around him and never let go. Unfortunately though after an attempt like he had made, they kept you in the hospital for a few days to make sure you were stable enough to go home and not try again. The door to his room opened and his heart soared and then crashed just as quickly when he saw it was only his doctor. 

"Hey there TK." Dr. Jones said in an overly cheerful voice.

"Hi there, doc." TK answered, wiping his eyes as he shuffled over to the bed and sat down. 

"How are you feeling this morning?" his doctor asked. 

That was a loaded question, he wanted to say he was feeling great but that would be a lie so he answered as truthfully as he could.

"I feel like I've ruined the best thing I've ever had in my entire life and it's like the one person who I need the most is never going to be able to forgive me or himself."

"Who are we talking about?" Dr Jones questioned. 

TK glanced around nervously. He always hated questions like these, he never knew how people would react when he told them he was gay. 

"Ummm..." he began "my boyfriend, Carlos."

He refused to look up at the doctor, terrified that this doctor would be like so many others and try to blame his problems on the fact he was homosexual. 

"Carlos... Is that the nice young man that sat with you while we waited for you to wake up?" the doctor replied. 

TK looked up finally and smiled shyly to himself. 

"Was he devastatingly handsome, the sweetest soul you ever could meet and……. Absolutely in love with you?" dr jones interrupted.

TK blushed.

"Yeah that sounds like my guy." he answered. 

"Why do you think you've ruined things with him?"

TK sighed, "He blames himself for what I did, we had an argument and I ran out. In his mind though, if we never would have fought then I never would have tried to hurt myself..."

"I see..." the doctor replied, "And was he the reason?" 

"No!" TK said quickly, "Well i mean…. I don't blame him for it. I blame my ex." 

He groaned inwardly and he ruined things again...

Before either man could speak again, a nurse entered, informing TK that he had a visitor. TK’s heart pounded as he waited for whoever it was that had come to see him. He never expected to see Alex walk through his door.

"Seriously" TK sighed, "Haven't you done enough?"

"TK," Alex began, "I went by the firehouse and I heard what happened and -"

TK cut him off, "And what? You wanted to come here and rub it in my face that even after all this time you can still cause me so much pain?

No, that's not it at all, TK!" Alex answered, "i wanted to come and apologize..."

TK looked at Alex incredulously. "You're joking right?"

"I never should have come back here looking for you." The other man spoke. "We were not good for each other. I guess I just wanted to feel loved again after what happened with Mitchell..." Alex replied. "I guess I hoped that you would still feel something because i hated myself for throwing away something that was real for something that i wished was there. I’m so sorry TK, for everything. For coming back here, for hurting you, for cheating on you, all of it. I know you'll probably never believe me but it's the truth and to make it up to you. I'm going back to New York tonight and i'll never bother you again."

Tk looked away biting his lip. 

"It wasn't all you, Alex. I knew things were bad, i just didnt wanna accept it. I should have let you go way before that night. I know that now..."

"TK, I really do wish nothing but the best for you and i hope that i didn't ruin that chance for you. " Alex said sincerely.

"I think that was all me, Alex. I just pray that Carlos can forgive me. I don't know what i'll do if he doesn't..."

"Carlos? Is that your boyfriend?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, he's the love of my life... I didn't know what love was until i met him, no offence." he said.

"None taken." Alex replied, "Look I'm gonna get out of here and leave you alone."

He stepped forward extending his hand, "Goodbye, TK."

He hesitated for a moment before shaking Alex's hand goodbye. Letting his hand fall back to his side he watched his ex walk out the door. Sitting back down, he resigned himself to doing whatever it took to get out of the hospital and back home. Even though he wasn't completely sure where that was anymore.

Three days. That's how long they kept him but it was finally the day they were going to release him. He still hadn't heard from Carlos so his dad was picking him up. He walked out to the waiting area and smiled when he saw Judd waiting there. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he walked up. 

"Hey brother!" Judd said, reaching out and taking his bag from him, "Your dad is talking with the docs. Soon as he's done we can get out of here."

"That doesn't answer my question, Judd." TK smiled.  

"I asked to tag along today, wanted to see you walk out of here myself."

Owen walked up and gave his son a hug.

"All set? Let's head home."

The three of them walked out the hospital doors, TK opened his mouth to ask his dad if he had talked to Carlos but before he could Owen turned to him.

"I called him, TK, and told him you were coming home today. I'm sorry i couldn't bring him here for you."

"It’s ok, Dad, I told him he could take as much time as needed. He’ll talk to me when he's ready." TK answered back. 

At that moment there was a shaky voice from behind them. 

"Hey..." the voice spoke.

TK's eyes grew wide as he spun around, coming face to face with Carlos. He looked smaller than TK had ever seen him, almost as if he was trying to shrink into himself, his gaze focused on his feet, refusing to look at TK.

"Hey back." TK said. 

Carlos dared a glance up and it almost broke TK. Those eyes that were always so full of strength were filled with tears and fear.

"Ummm I'm really sorry I'm late, Ty..." Carlos said to him.

TK knew he wasn't just referring to today.

"We’ll give you two some time." Owen told his son walking away with judd.

Both men stood there looking at each other, neither one of them saying a word.

TK was the first to break the silence, "I'm so glad to see you, I've missed you."

Carlos’ eyes filled with sadness.

"I should have been here sooner, I know but I needed to say my peace to you and I wanted you to be able to scream at me and hate me without hindering your recovery."

TK swallowed hard before he spoke, "Why would I need to scream at you."

"I've made my decision, Tyler..." Carlos whispered.

"Oh.", was the only word TK could manage to say, "I see...

[cpd5021]

Go Forth Slowly - Chapter 5

Two updates in one day? Oops? Or yay! Depending on how you want to look at it.... 

Hailey’s one moment of weakness the night before was making her life living hell this morning. She was so distracted this morning that she was almost late to work, skirting into the bullpen at the last second possible. No one seemed to notice her untimely entrance or her slightly disheveled appearance. Well, no one except Jay. His eyes followed her from the second she walked in and they still lingered on her now that she was seated at her desk. One eyebrow quirked in question but she did her best to blow him off. He let it go and didn’t push the issue, but she didn’t miss his little smirk that flashed across his face just before he looked away. Hailey poured herself into her reports, spending way more time on the little details than she normally would, but needing the distraction from the thoughts racing through her mind. By mid afternoon her eyes were burning from a combination of no sleep and staring at a screen all morning. She leaned back in her chair and let out a yawn, stretching her arms above her head as she did so. When she looked back down, she found Jay’s eyes locked on her with that darkness swirling behind them once again. Hailey’s cheeks burned and she quickly stood from her chair, walking as slowly as her body would let her towards the break room despite wanting to run from the room. She pulled the fridge door open to look for a snack and sighed when the cool air washed over her face. With her body bent over into the fridge she didn’t hear Jay come in until she stood back up and nearly ran into him since he was standing so close. 

“Are you okay?”

He questioned, glancing down at her and causing her to tilt her head up to look at him. 

“Yeah, I just didn’t hear you come in.”

She shrugged it off, moving to the cupboard that everyone stashed some snacks in. Hailey saw Jay smirk at her response but tried to ignore it. 

“I meant in general. You seem...distracted.”

His words trailed off and Hailey felt her palms slick with a nervous sweat. She kept her eyes glued to the cupboard, trying her best to be nonchalant about it.

“Nope. All good.”

She snagged a box of crackers and feigned interest in the ingredient list. Once again Jay was behind her before she even realized he moved. His hand came to grip the box, resting just above hers as he mimicked her reading the list.

“Really? Nothing on your mind?”

He was close enough that his breath ghosted over her while he spoke and she fought the urge to shiver at the sensation. He was pushing her and they both knew it. Hailey forced a deep breath in and turned around to face him, watching as it was his turn to blush slightly with their proximity. 

“Nope. Anything on yours?”

Hailey challenged, raising an eyebrow at him for emphasis. It backfired though and she watched as his eyes grew impossibly darker.

“A few things.”

His words sent a heat racing through her but before she could even begin to form a response, Kevin knocked on the door telling them they caught a case. Jay sent her another smirk before he turned and followed their fellow officer out of the room, leaving Hailey feeling more flustered than she ever had been before. Hailey followed him out to the truck, briefly debating just taking her own vehicle but not wanting to draw any attention to herself. Luckily, by the time she climbed in beside him, Jay was fully focused and in work mode. They raced to the scene, heading to help patrol with a robbery in progress and speeding up even more when the call for shots fired came across the radio. 

Once on scene, Hailey jumped out after Jay, gun in hand and followed after her partner. He moved in such a way it was obvious he had more training than just a police academy and his confidence in these situations was something Hailey cherished about him as a partner. She followed after him as they flanked the back of the building, motioning for patrol to take the other side. Just as they rounded the back alley, the back door of the shop burst open and a man ran out into the alley, instantly spotting them and taking off. Adam and Kim were behind them now and the four of them set off on a foot pursuit. Kim ducked off into a different alley, hoping to cut him off and Adam followed to back her up. Jay did his best to keep up with the offender but the maze of alleys and side streets was making it difficult. Hailey was fast but Jay was faster and he rounded the corner half a minute before her. No sooner had he disappeared from her view did the sounds of gunshots sound through the air. Hailey’s run faltered for a split second as her stomach sank with the sound. She rounded the corner after him, gun drawn up and ready to fire, and her breath caught in her throat when she saw Jay down on the ground. A few feet ahead of him lay the body of their offender, a large pool of blood forming underneath him making it obvious Jay’s shot was fatal. Hailey’s attention was immediately on Jay and the smaller pool of blood running underneath him. She collapsed beside him, her hands instantly traveling all over him searching for the source of the blood. He was awake and wreathing beneath her but he couldn’t speak. She frantically ripped away his shirt, finding a bullet lodged in the center of his vest. The sight made her breath hitch once again as the thoughts of what could have happened flashed before her. Hailey quickly undid the straps holding his vest in place and Jay was able to finally take a breath. She felt a rush of relief but her hands went right back to looking for the source of the blood. 

“My..ugh..my leg…”

He panted out, groaning beneath her touch when she found the wound in the middle of his thigh. Her hands clamped over it as she felt panic set it. Jay frantically shook his head, trying to form words between the waves of pain. Her eyes met his and she tried her damndest not to let the tears she could feel coming fall. 

“You gotta tie it off. Tourniquet..remember..?”

She nodded, how could she forget that day. But in her panic she froze when she realized she didn’t have the kit they had been provided. His hand tugged at his belt briefly before it slipped away again and she took the hint. Letting go of the wound to quickly undo his belt. In any other circumstance, this task would have her in a puddle on the ground, but right now this felt like life or death. She managed to pull the belt out from his jeans and fastened it around his leg tightly. Just as she finished Adam rounded the corner, screaming for an ambulance into his radio while he went to their dead offender. Kim came over to Hailey and Jay, looking just as panicked as Hailey felt but Jay did his best to assure them both that he would be okay. Sirens wailed in the distance and finally a team of paramedics was beside her, taking over her attempts at stopping his bleeding and hauling him onto the cot. Without hesitation she followed them up into the ambulance, having no intention of leaving his side until she knew he was truly okay. One medic started the drive to the hospital while the other quickly tended to Jay’s injuries. 

“Here.”

She said, handing Hailey a pair of scissors and motioning for her to start cutting away his close. Jay was calmer now and his eyes met hers momentarily when she hesitated. She swallowed hard and moved down to his boots, quickly pulling them off before using the shears to cut up the length of his jeans. The area around his wound had already been ripped open by the medic so Hailey went back down to cut up the other leg. When she got to his uninjured thigh she hesitated again, noticing the thigh holster strapped to his leg. 

“It all has to come off. You’re probably better with those things than I would be.”

The medic nodded to the holster, her tone obviously trying to lighten the atmosphere just a touch. Hailey nodded and her fingers began to fumble with the straps around his leg. Jay lifted his good leg slightly to give her a better angle and she managed to get the lower strap unhooked. The second strap, the one much higher up his leg and closer to a region she felt should be off limits, seemed to be a little harder to undo. She jiggled the holster around, slipping her fingers underneath as she wiggled it loose and her cheeks started to burn when she remembered Jay pulling away from her the day they were training. Her eyes glanced up towards the front of his jeans before she could help herself but she quickly averted them up to his face. His eyes were locked on hers and she knew she had been busted with her glance. Jay gave her a small smile, almost like the smirks he had been giving her all morning, and she was tempted to roll her eyes. This whole situation was ridiculous and the fact that she was currently more focused on her proximity to parts of him she had only dreamed out instead of his injuries or their current location made Hailey hate herself all the more. Finally the strap was off and they pulled into Med. Hailey followed along after the stretcher, knowing no was one going to stop her. She lingered at the edge of his room, watching as a team of doctors and nurses assessed his injury and stitched him up. She watched his face while they were working and hated the pain she saw there. Not only was he in discomfort because of the gunshot wound, but she knew better than anyone that he hated hospitals. This would be pure hell for him and she wished she could give him some comfort. Once they finished, the nurse told her she could sit beside him and they would be back momentarily. Hailey pulled a chair up to his bedside and settled into it slowly. 

“Hey.”

She spoke softly, almost a whisper. 

“Hey.”

He replied, sending her a small smile. It didn’t fully reach his eyes but she understood why. Hailey glanced down his body, lingering on the area where he had been shot and the sounds of the gun going off echoed through her head. She blinked and was surprised when she felt wetness on her cheek. Hailey quickly wiped away the tear that had fallen, frantically blinking away the others. 

“Hey...don’t do that.”

Jay whispered, reaching a hand out towards her. Without fully realizing what she was doing, she took it, grasping his hand firmly in hers. 

“Sorry.”

She mumbled, feeling embarrassed with herself for her show of emotions. 

“No I’m sorry.”

He countered, squeezing her hand. Hailey met his eyes again, feeling hers still burn with unshed tears. 

“For what?”

Jay gave her a somber smile before he replied. 

“For always getting shot.”

Hailey let out a chuckle at his response, using her free hand to wipe away the tears that had sneaked out. 

“Yeah...if you could stop doing that it would be great.”

She smiled at him and the look in his eyes made her heart skip a beat. 

“I’m sorry for making you cry.”

His words almost broke the flood gate inside her and she wanted to tell him it wasn’t the first time. She cried the first time she saw him lying on the pavement, leaving Adam to pick up the pieces. She cried when he was kidnapped and again when she found him shot by Angela. And again when she sat in the waiting room, after Vanessa’s words had crashed into her like a freight train. But instead of saying anything she just pursed her lips into a smile and nodded slowly at him. Before either of them could say anything else, the curtain whipped open and Will barged in. Hailey pulled her hand away from Jay’s quickly, hoping his brother hadn’t noticed, but she didn’t worry long when she took in the look on Will’s face. She wasn’t even sure he had noticed she was here. 

“Dude. Really?”

Was all he said and Hailey couldn’t help but grin at his words. Jay glanced at her, a slight smirk on his face, before turning back to face his brother.

“All part of the job.”

Jay shrugged, earning an eye roll from Will. 

“A part you seem to be really good at.”

Will scoffed, grabbing Jay’s chart and flipping through it. He nodded in silent approval before turning back to address Jay again. 

“You’re lucky, a gunshot wound to the thigh can go bad quick. It didn’t knick anything important and they said bleeding was controlled well on scene.”

Jay nodded towards Hailey as Will finished speaking. 

“You can thank this one for that. Used my belt as a tourniquet to control the bleeding.”

Hailey ducked her head down, shaking it back and forth and feeling slightly embarrassed. Will really did thank her though before he left them alone again, citing a packed ER and not enough doctors. 

“I do owe you a thanks for that.”

Jay stated, drawing her attention back to him.

“It was your idea, I totally forgot.”

Hailey shrugged him off, pulling at a string on her jeans. 

“Yeah well that training day was...kinda distracting.”

Her eyes shot up at his mention of that day, something she had hoped he would just totally forget about. But of course she wasn’t that lucky. 

“If you say so…”

She brushed it off, despite the fact that her heart was pounding inside her chest. 

“Oh I do.”

Jay smirked again and Hailey wanted to smack it off his face. He knew exactly what he was doing to her and his grin only grew when her cheeks flushed again. 

“Whatever.”

She mumbled, looking for a reason to bolt out of the room. 

“You do that a lot now.”

He stated, eyes locked on her once again. It was a trap and she knew it, but it didn’t stop her from walking right into it. 

“Do what?”

She challenged, meeting his eyes in an intense stare. 

“Blush.”

If she thought she was blushing before it was nothing compared to the fire that ignited in her face now. His eyes held hers and she couldn’t look away no matter how hard she tried. His eyes darkened again and it was everything in her not to look away. When it became obvious she wasn’t going to say anything, Jay decided to push her one step farther. 

“And thanks for saving my holster too. That top latch is kinda tricky, really gotta play with it sometimes.”

Hailey nodded slowly, unable to form any coherent words. Jay seemed to know the effect this conversation was having on her, what his looks could do, but she wasn’t sure how or what she should even feel about that realization. 

Jay’s doctor came into the room then, telling them Jay was good to go and that he could follow up in a week to have the stitches removed. Hailey stepped out for him to get dressed and pulled the truck around, someone had dropped it off earlier while Jay was getting stitched up. When Hailey pulled up to the entrance she saw Jay somewhat limping his way out of the door. His face flashed surprise when he saw her behind the wheel of his truck and it stayed there when she made no motion to get out from the driver's seat. He pulled the passenger door open and just stared at her, causing Hailey to just smile in return. 

“You can’t drive. I distinctly remember that being part of your discharge instructions.”

It was her turn to send him a smirk as he slowly climbed inside, his eyes never leaving her. 

“But it’s my truck…”

He trailed off, looking bewildered. 

“Well, if you don’t want to ride in it, I can call someone else to pick you up. But I’m driving this thing home.” 

Hailey let her foot rest on the gas pedal, revving the engine for added effect and was pleased to see his jaw drop slightly. He stared her down but slowly moved to secure his seat belt. Hailey shifted into drive, feeling pleased with the response she had received. It wasn’t her plan to drive his truck, but this is the vehicle they dropped off instead of her Jeep and it was ended up being the perfect payback for the torture Jay had put her through today.

[imagines-r-s]

angsty tom holland imagine where the reader was in a car crash while he was over seas and he didn’t get a proper chance to say goodbye to her before they took her off life support a few weeks later? and he was going to propose?

I hope you enjoy this, I was honestly crying while writing this :((

(REQUESTS ARE OPEN)

Warning: character death, angst, slight panic attack

“And cut-,” the director yelled as Tom finished the scene. Tom was just happy to be done filming for the day so that he’d be able to talk to you for the first time in what felt like forever, the only thing he didn’t like about your relationship was that you two were constantly apart. 

You were an agent in London, so although you could do most work at home there were a few times where you had to travel, and then Tom was filming for one of his movies, so he was stuck in LA for the next few months. 

Tom had just made it back to his dressing room and was about to call you when Harrison came rushing into his dressing room. “Mate, you need to call y/n’s mom.” Tom was confused and honestly wasn’t going to ask considering how distressed Haz looked. 

Tom quickly called your mom, “Hey, y/m/n, is everything alright? Haz said I needed to-.”

“Yeah, Tom, I hope everything is going well,” she sniffled, “but last night, y/n was on her way back from the airport and her car crashed. She’s in surgery right now, but I’ll keep you updated. Please don’t stress too much, I know you will but she wouldn’t want this interfering with your work.” Tom couldn’t respond and your mom had already ended the call. 

Tom looked around desperately for Haz, even though he was right across the room, “you going to be okay, mate?” Tom’s breathing quickened, he couldn’t lose the thing he cared about most in this world. “I-I can’t, I-I need water.” Haz handed Tom a water bottle and helped him catch his breath. 

“Tom, it’ll be ok. She’s in surgery now, you just need to calm down, I know that’s difficult, but try to focus on something else that way you can leave as soon as filming is done.” Haz was right and Tom knew it, the only way that Tom would be able to get back to you as soon as possible would be to finish filming. 

You were on Tom’s mind for the next week, your mom had updated him and told him that you were now in the ICU and in critical condition. Tom was going insane not being with you at this time and the thought of possibly losing you made things worse. 

It was about a week and a half before Tom had finished filming and two weeks before he could leave. There weren’t any updates that he could be getting other than the same old news. He was stressed out of his mind on the way back home to you, and although Haz was there, Tom stayed quiet the whole time. 

Tom and Haz had just landed when your mom called him. He was hopeful that you had woken up, but the news was that the doctors informed her that you weren’t getting any better and that today you were getting taken off life support today.

Tom’s face fell and Haz immediately knew what had happened. “We need to get to the hospital, now.”

“Ok, come on.” Haz knew that Tom was in no way in the mindset to drive, but they both were on their way to the hospital as soon as they got everything in their car. Tom’s leg was anxiously shaking and he had completely zoned out during the drive. 

After about an hour, they had finally made it to the hospital, but on their way in they saw your mom in the lobby. “T-tom? I didn’t think you’d be back today, they’re about to take her off life support now, so if you want to come with me, you can,” she said, giving him a sad smile. 

Seeing you on life support made Tom lose it. He couldn’t hold the tears back as he saw the love of his life about to have her last breath, even if it was from a machine. Tom walked over to your bed and quickly held onto your hand. “Love, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. I love you with everything I have and I won’t be able to live without you. I wish we could have longer, my love, and I wanted to let you know that I was planning on spending the rest of my life with you, I always wanted to even when I first met you. I’m also sorry that about all that time I spent away from you, I know you always said I needed to do what made me happy and thank you for all your support all this time,” Tom stopped to catch his breath and wipe his tears. 

Tom continued as he saw the doctor hand your mom the paperwork and he wanted to tell them to wait, but he knew he didn’t want you to be suffering. He saw the nurses unhook the machines and kissed the back of your hand one last time, before walking over to your mother to hold her hand. 

Once the process was over Tom and your mother walked back out to the lobby where Haz was. Haz noticed them and quickly stood up to catch Tom who went for a hug, “You alright?”

“She’s gone. She’s gone. No-no no, this doesn’t make sense, I was going to propose when I got back and now- and now she’s gone.”

[theasteriae-arc]

five times kissed ( selectively accepting! ) / @diabolicaltendencies​ said:

❝ Five times kissed. ❞ ( for BASH & SAM )

[ also feat. august, @epiitaphs​’ sebastian, and @gunmetalgrey​’s severin ]

i.

Two sets of blue eyes fixed, unblinking, on one another. Two pairs of lungs working overtime. Sebastian can feel his pulse beating in his ears, hear the rush of blood. His ear drums ( aptly named ) are pounding. He drops his gaze to Sam’s lips, which are compressed into a tight line. His nostrils are pinched, he’s trying so hard to stay in control, but with that one flicker of Bash’s eyes, something breaks. The invisible string, growing tauter by the second as it tries to hold them apart, snaps, and they lunge for one another at the same time. Mouths ( teeth, tongues ) clash, and hands, fingers, nails scrabble against cheeks. Sam grunts as his shoulder collides with the corner of a shelf, but he only kicks the spilled packets of gauze aside as he presses forward, backs Bash up against the door, and seizes hold of his wrists.

“By your sides.”

This has been a long time coming, weeks of flirting ( sideways glances, smiles that didn’t extend past the corners of the lips ) that could only have culminated in one thing after Bash dragged him into this supplies cupboard in the middle of his shift. Sam’s not complaining, but if Sebastian thinks making the first move gives him the upper hand, he’s sadly mistaken. The other’s chest is heaving, his desperation evident in the way his hands keep leaping back to Sam’s waistband. He draws back minutely, not letting their lips touch until Bash’s palms are flat against the wood again. Then he rewards him with a trail of light, biting kisses down the side of his neck. They have both waited long enough.

ii.

Stolen: one kiss. Sometimes, if they are lucky, they can snatch fifteen minutes to themselves ( thirty is a miracle ), but today, no sooner has Bash shut the door behind him than his radio crackles with an incoming call. “Bash, this is Seb. We’ve got a shout. Get your arse back here. Now. Copy? Over.” He sighs and looks at Sam, sprawled out on the bed, before unhooking the radio from his belt and responding, “Copy. Over.” But though his cousin’s voice sounded urgent over the airwaves, he can’t resist ( before he goes ) planting one knee on the mattress and leaning forward to touch his mouth to Sam’s. He’s barely there when they’re interrupted again by a beep from Sam’s pager. The doctor puts a firm hand on Sebastian’s chest and pushes him back.

“Multiple GSWs incoming,” he reads. Sev needs him in the pit. Bash is probably going to be on the scene. That gives him pause. “Are you going to be all right?”

Bash doesn’t talk about it, and Sam doesn’t like to ask, but the scar on his back tells its own story. He’s been under fire before, and if the gunman hasn’t yet been apprehended … Even if he has, how will Sebastian react to the sight of the bodies?

“Fine.” His voice is level, and he doesn’t look concerned as clambers off the bed and straightens the front of his jacket. “Just a part of the job, isn’t it? I’ll come and find you later, if things aren’t too mad.” But what Sam doesn’t see is Bash pausing just outside the on-call room, trying to get a handle on the breaths he’d been holding so that he wouldn’t know how much shouts like this still got to him.

iii.

For someone who works in, or at least alongside, one, Sebastian’s dislike of hospitals might seem ironic, if you don’t know the whole story behind it. He’d spent months lying in a bed just like this one, surrounded by machines that bleeped and buzzed when he managed to detach the monitor from his finger, and patronising nurses who told him, recovery takes time, when they restrained his wrists and ankles to keep him from toppling himself off the mattress again or messing with his drips. Months when he hadn’t been able to feed himself, clothe himself, go to the toilet. He couldn’t walk, couldn’t stand. For a long time, he couldn’t even sit up. He lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling more helpless than he had ever felt before.

Years later, the feeling still pervades, but this time, he’s not the patient. He’s sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair beside a bed in the ICU, waiting to see if Sam will wake up. He was unconscious when August brought him in, his brother’s broad frame sagging not only with the weight of the doctor but under the burden of his own injuries too. He’d been patched up in A&E, put back together with glue and gauze and tape, while Sam, bleeding from two bullet holes in his stomach, had been wheeled straight up to an operating theatre.

That had been three days ago. The surgeons are trying to stay positive—his vitals are good, brain activity remains constant, his heartbeat’s strong, he’s stable, Sebastian—but his eyelashes haven’t so much as fluttered. There’s a machine breathing for him, and besides, Bash can see them beyond the glass, heads with scrub caps on bent close together, voices lowered to a whisper. They’re not confident, and he’s not leaving.

He opens his mouth to tell Sev as much when he drops in to check on Sam’s progress a little while later, but Sev just checks the monitor, checks the charts hooked over the foot of the bed, and almost as an afterthought, chucks a cheese and tomato sandwich, a bottle of water, and a packet of crisps from the canteen into Bash’s lap. “I don’t want to see you in the bed next door because you’ve not been taking care of yourself,” he says.

Bash tears open the plastic wrapper and shoves half the sandwich into his mouth at once, washing it down with several gulps of water. This is the first thing he’s had to eat in he doesn’t know how long. Severin sighs and pulls up a chair. ��Slow down, if you don’t want to make yourself sick. And- No offence, but after you’ve finished that, you’ve got to at least shower. You stink.” He relents a little by adding, “You can use the showers off the attending’s locker room,” but he’s not going to back down entirely. “I’ve got some charts to finish off, but I can do those here. He won’t be on his own, Bash.”

Bash swallows, but instead of arguing, he nods at Severin. He is grateful for this little bit of direction. With Sam unresponsive, he’s felt so untethered, on the verge of a spiral, ever since the news came in. He finishes his meal in silence, then stands, brushing crumbs off the front of his shirt. It feels a little awkward with his cousin, and Sam’s boss, watching, this was supposed to be a secret, but he can’t leave without saying goodbye, and sorry, in case this is the last time.

He strokes Sam’s hair back, out of his eyes, and brushes his lips over his forehead. “Won’t be long, love. You just hang in there, yeah?” And leaves the room without a backward glance, because he knows, if he looks at Sam again, he will never be able to go.

iv.

“Sit still.” The command in Sam’s voice helps, but it doesn’t stop the string of curses that leave Bash’s mouth when he probes at the purple flesh around his ribs. Pacifist his arse. Severin had kicked him hard enough to break his ribs, and then jammed his knee into the same spot not long later. Standing had not been an option after they’d stumbled into the flat, Sam supporting most of his weight before he’d collapsed into the nearest seat, but he can’t help but fidget and wince as his boyfriend pokes and prods at him with all the impersonality of a doctor. “Bash …” There’s a quiet warning in Sam’s tone and Sebastian does his best not to squirm anymore as he finishes up his exam.

He’s rewarded, when it’s over, with a soft kiss. Sam tilts his chin up with two fingers and strokes his cheek as their lips meet. “You did good. Very good. Now, let’s take a look at your hands.” His knuckles are in almost as poor a state as the other Sebastian’s face, and smeared with blood. Some of it is his and some of it is not.

“We got called out to a car accident today,” he says, as if that explains it all. Sam closes the minuscule gap between them and kisses him again. “Shush,” he says against his lips. “Shush. The why can wait till later. I just want to get you cleaned up first, okay?”

v.

Sebastian has always loved being by the sea—salty air, bracing wind, the sound of the waves lapping at the shore. These days, holidays to the east coast also involve buckets and spades and surfboards stacked up by the door, a heap of sand-covered towels, and two boys with bright eyes and cheeks falling asleep straight after dinner. Bash carries them up to bed, tucks the covers in around them, and creeps back down to the living room, where Finding Nemo is still playing on the television.

There’s a beer waiting for him on the coffee table. He hasn’t got that far when the dog comes up, wagging her tail and nosing her way into his palm in search of treats. He laughs softly and strokes her behind the ears. “I know you’ve been fed, girl. Go on.” He picks up the bottle and takes a sip, then wanders through to the kitchen, where Sam is washing up the last of their dinner things. Sebastian sets his beer down on the nearest surface and winds his arms around Sam’s waist from behind, blond hair tickling his nose and lips as he kisses the nape of his neck.

It’s a shame that they have to go home to London tomorrow, but Bash feels comforted knowing that this house will be here for them next summer, and all the summers after that. It will get plenty of use, he is sure.

[emospritelet]

Twisted Fate - chapter 15

Last time, Gold rushed back to Boston when Belle broke her arm, and decided that it was time for the two of them to talk. It's going to be a slow process, but he makes a start in this chapter

[AO3]

x

It was after midnight by the time the doctor told them they could leave, and even then they had to wait at the hospital pharmacy for Belle’s prescription of painkillers. The baby had been given the all-clear, and her scrapes and bruises had been treated, her arm put in a cast. She had broken it in two places, along with three of her fingers. Gold watched her absently running her left hand over the new cast, and wondered how she would cope with her dominant hand out of action. 

“Emma’s not still here, is she?” asked Belle, and Gold shook his head.

“She left earlier,” he said. “She had to get back for Henry. Says she’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

She looked small and broken, dark hair hanging around her face, her head bowed. Gold wanted to touch her, to give her whatever reassurance he could. He doubted it would be welcome, and he was worried about hurting her. She seemed to be bruised all over. He looked down at his hands, folded in his lap, and wished he felt less helpless.

“Are you still in pain?” he asked, and she wrinkled her nose.

“Yes, but it’s like I don’t really care about it,” she said. “The painkillers are working. I’ll be okay, I guess.”

“A pity it’s your right arm.”

“Yeah.” She sounded gloomy. “Don’t know what I’m gonna do about class.”

“I’m sure the university will be reasonable,” he said. “I presume you hadn’t intended to study right up until the birth, anyway.”

“No, but every hour counts, right?” she said. “I was planning on doing another couple of weeks, at least.”

“If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”

“How are you with Library Science?”

It was said in a dry tone, but she sent him a brief, sad smile, as though letting him know she was joking.

“I was thinking of something more practical,” he said, and she looked thoughtful.

“Did you check into a hotel?” she asked.

“No.” He ran his hands over his face with a sigh. “Damn, I forgot to call about the room. I’d just pulled up outside when I got Emma’s call.”

Belle looked hesitant, and licked her lips almost nervously.

“It’s just - I thought maybe you could stay with me,” she said in a rush. “I’m gonna need help, like you said, and - and the baby’s due soon, and I can’t exactly change diapers with a broken arm, and I can’t rely on Emma, she has her own life and her own family to take care of, and - and I thought maybe you could take the spare room...”

Her voice trailed off, and she looked at him anxiously, chewing her lip. Gold nodded, a sense of relief flooding over him. She was willing to let him help her. That was a start.

“Of course,” he said. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Her mouth quirked in a faint smile, and she looked away again. One step at a time.

x

It was still raining when they left the hospital. Belle was subdued, the bruises on her face darker in the dim light. She limped as she walked, and Gold kept pace with her, trying to match his own uneven stride to hers. Raindrops bounced, showering their lower legs with droplets as they walked. Belle stumbled a little as they exited the hospital, feet splashing in the puddles that had formed, and Gold grasped her good arm firmly, steadying her.

“Try not to fall again, sweetheart,” he said quietly.

Belle glanced across at him, her lower lip trembling a little. She looked as though she wanted to cry, and he gestured in front of them, towards the parking lot.

“The car’s just beyond that sign,” he said. “Can you walk that far, or do you want me to pick you up here?”

“I’m okay,” she said wearily. “I just want to get home.”

They made the journey in silence for the most part, Gold stealing glances across at her. Since he had told her that he wanted to talk, and she had agreed, neither of them had raised the subject again. The hospital was not the place for the sort of conversation they needed to have, but now that it had been mentioned, it seemed to hang heavy in the air between them, an unwelcome presence. He wondered where the hell to start with it all. Bae. She needed to know about Bae. Though perhaps she wouldn’t want to get into it at one in the morning when she was doped up on painkillers. At least that would give him a little more time to think it over. He wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, his voice sounding too loud in the silence. “I could make you something to eat when we get in.”

“I just need sleep,” she said listlessly. 

“Maybe just some chamomile tea, or something.”

“That’d be good.”

“I’ll make some.”

More silence.

“I don’t think the bed in the spare room has been made up,” she added. “I wasn’t exactly planning on having a sleepover.”

“I can make the bed,” he said, and glanced across again. “Would you like a bath? I know the doctor said not to get the plaster wet, so maybe a bath would be better than a shower.”

“In the morning,” she said tiredly.

She really didn’t want to stay up, then. He couldn’t help feeling relieved, even as he told himself he would have to face her eventually.

“Just tea and sleep, then.”

“Yeah.”

The word was spoken in a whisper, her head rolling to the side, and he fell silent again, letting her rest as he drove through Boston’s streets. 

The apartment building was eerily quiet when they entered, and even the elevator seemed unnaturally loud as they rode upwards. Belle looked as though she wanted to curl up and go to sleep right there, and Gold put a hand on the small of her back as they stepped out, guiding her along the corridor towards the apartment. She had difficulty getting out the key, and struggled to unlock the door, wincing as she tried to turn the key. He took it from her with a gentle word, opening the door to let her in. Belle nodded her thanks, not quite meeting his eyes. The apartment was warm, a soft light coming from the lamp in the lounge, and he steered her towards the couch, helping her to sit down. Belle let out a heavy sigh, letting her head roll back against the cushions.

“Just rest,” he said quietly. “I’ll make tea.”

She nodded wearily, and he made his way to the kitchen almost on tiptoe.

Finding his way around was easy enough—Belle hadn’t moved the groceries or utensils since he had moved her in—and he set the kettle to boil, getting out cups and the chamomile tea. He was a little hungry, and after a brief search of the cupboards he found a packet of chocolate chip cookies. Shoving one into his mouth, he opened the fridge and scanned the contents. Enough for a few different meal ideas. He could get more groceries in the morning, depending on what Belle wanted to eat.

The cookie was good, and Gold tucked the packet under his arm as he carried Belle’s tea through to her. She gave him a wan smile, shoulder lifting a little as she automatically tried to reach up with her right hand. She winced, face twisting, and he shook his head.

“I suspect that’ll take some getting used to,” he said.

“Yeah.”

She sounded weary, but took the cup from him and set it on the coffee table, followed by the packet of cookies. He hoped she would eat one, but she simply tossed it onto the table and went back to staring ahead. Gold felt awkward hovering near her, so he went back to the kitchen to fetch his own tea. When he entered the lounge, Belle had picked up her cup and was blowing on it to cool the tea. He set his cup down on the table and lowered himself onto the chair adjacent to the couch.

“I’ll need to go out and get my suitcase,” he said. “Are you okay to let me back in?”

Belle took a sip of her tea and winced.

“Just take the key,” she said. “I guess you’ll need to get a spare cut, if you’re going to stay here.”

“Oh, I have one,” he said. “I left it with Marco in case you had an emergency. I’ll pick it up in the morning.”

“Okay.”

Belle gazed into her cup. It looked as though she could barely keep her eyes open.

“Here, why don’t you go and get ready for bed?” he said gently. “Do you need help with anything?”

“I don’t know.” Teeth tugged at her lower lip. “I can manage to take my makeup off and brush my teeth, I guess.”

“Alright.” He sat back. “I’m just a shout away, understand?”

She eyed him cautiously, and nodded.

“Guess I’ll make a start, then.”

She pushed to her feet, wincing again, and shuffled towards the bedrooms, carrying her tea. He watched her go, anxiety prickling at his skin as he thought over how she would cope in the latter stages of pregnancy with one arm bound up in plaster. He was aware that she hated feeling helpless. Perhaps there were things he could do to limit her dependence on him, but for the moment he couldn’t think of any.

“Alex?”

A muffled call from the bedroom made him look up, and he pushed to his feet immediately. Belle had taken her coat off, but was struggling with her dress, mouth flattened in displeasure as she plucked at it, the shoulder on her injured side sticking out of the neckline. He could see that the dress had been put back on with the injured arm outside, the bodice buttoned loosely at the front to cover her breasts and her cardigan draped over the top like a cape and fastened with one button at her throat. 

“Can’t get it off,” she muttered. “The nurse dressed me.”

“Here, let me.”

He set his cane against the dresser, reaching up to unfasten the buttons. His fingers felt too large, too clumsy, but he pushed each button through its hole without fumbling them too much. The dress fell around her ankles, and Belle crossed her free arm over her chest, hiding her breasts in the lace cups of her bra, her eyes downcast.

“You need help with the rest of it?” he asked quietly.

“Could you unhook my bra?”

He nodded wordlessly, and she turned on her toes, showing him her back. Reaching up, he unhooked the bra, the back straps snapping back against her pale skin. Belle nodded.

“Thank you.”

“What about the boots?” he asked.

“No, I can manage. Thank you.”

“Okay.” He wavered, shifting from foot to foot and feeling as though he was very much in the way. “Is - is there anything else you need?”

“Not right now.”

“Okay.” He grasped his cane, taking a step back from her. “I’ll - uh - I’ll leave you to it, then.”

“Will you be okay making the bed?” she asked. “The linen’s in the closet.”

“I’m sure I’ll work it out,” he said. “Just - just call if you need anything.”

“I will. Goodnight.”

“Yes.” His fingers opened and closed on the cane handle. “Uh - sleep well.”

She nodded, sending him a brief smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. He realised how much she must hate having to rely on him to help her, but she was letting him do it, and even letting him touch her, which he saw as a good sign. Perhaps, given time, he could earn her trust.

x

Belle woke when it was still dark, feeling groggy and a little nauseous. The painkillers had worn off, and she winced as she moved, her immobilised arm getting in the way. Getting ready for bed had been a complex series of events that made her realise just how much she had relied on being able-bodied. She wondered how the hell she would cope when the baby was born, and wanted to sigh. No doubt she would learn to deal with everyday tasks, but at this early stage it all seemed overwhelming.

She needed the bathroom, so she pushed out of bed, stepping into her slippers and grabbing her robe one-handed, putting one arm into it and shrugging the other half over her shoulder to cover her cast. She fumbled the belt around herself, looping it through and tugging it closed with one end of the belt in her free hand and the other between her teeth.

Glancing at the digital clock on her nightstand, she saw that it was just before five. She had managed a few hours of sleep, but her body was aching from exhaustion even without the pain of her broken arm. Bathroom first, then painkillers. Perhaps they would ease her pain enough to let her get a little more rest.

She noticed that the lights in the kitchen were on, but she thought little of it. It was only when she had finished in the bathroom that she decided to investigate, and found Gold seated at the kitchen table, his laptop open and a cup of coffee by his side. He had changed into a loose pair of silk pants and a close-fitting T-shirt, his black silk robe over the top. The light made the robe gleam where it draped his shoulders, and a brief vision tickled at her mind, a memory of a time she had stayed at his house. She recalled the feel of the silk beneath her fingers as she stroked her hands over his chest and whispered to him to come back to bed, and he had picked her up and laid her down on the kitchen table, teasing her with his tongue until she screamed.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

His voice made her jump, an unexpected noise in the quiet before dawn, and she could feel herself flush a little as she chased away the memory of his touch, of his mouth on her. He looked tired, shadows beneath his dark eyes, his face a little drawn.

“Painkillers wore off,” she said, and he nodded, sitting back in his chair.

“Have a seat, I’ll get them for you.” He pushed to his feet. “You want some tea?”

“Please.”

She sat down while he fetched the painkillers, placing two in front of her with a glass of water. Belle took them, listening with half an ear as he made the tea. She glanced at the laptop, wondering what he had been working on, and frowned as she saw something odd sitting next to it. A toy rabbit, brown and cream fur beneath a faded blue jacket, two shining black beads for eyes. It looked old and worn, and she wondered at its presence. She vaguely remembered having seen it on the shelf in Gold’s shop, and wondered why he had brought it with him.

“Here.” Gold set down the teapot, following it with the cup and the little jug of milk. “Are you hungry? I could make some breakfast.”

“Could we leave it an hour or two?” she asked. “Five would be a little early even if I’d had a decent night’s sleep.”

“Go back to bed if you’re still tired,” he said. “I can bring you anything you need.”

“I probably will when I’ve had the tea,” she said, and put her head to the side. “What about you? Did you sleep?”

Gold pulled a face.

“Lay on my back and stared at the ceiling for an  hour or so,” he said.

“Is the bed not comfortable?”

“No, it’s fine, it’s just―” He waved a hand. “Nothing. An eventful day. Took longer than I hoped to wind down.”

“Drinking coffee probably doesn’t help,” she observed, and he looked rueful.

“No, but when I get out of bed, I make coffee,” he said. “I’m a creature of habit.”

“I noticed.”

The briefest of smiles flickered across his face, his eyes crinkling a little.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. “Other than the broken arm, I mean.”

Belle scrunched her nose.

“Not great,” she admitted. “Everything hurts, and I’m a little queasy.”

“Is that the painkillers?” he asked, sounding anxious. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, really,” she said. “As fine as a heavily-pregnant woman with a broken arm can be, anyway. Sit down, finish your coffee.”

Gold nodded, slipping back into the seat he had vacated and running a hand through his hair, making the strands ripple like gold and silver grass.

“I’ve been looking for some things to make it easier for you,” he said, gesturing at the laptop screen. “A few aids for those with only one arm. I - I thought it might help.”

“What kind of things?” she asked, interested.

“Oh, there are all manner of tools on here,” he said. “Things that help you fasten buttons one-handed, handles to help you get in and out of the bath, even things to help wash your hair.”

“Well, I definitely need the button thing,” she said, in a wry tone.

“I’ll order one.”

“Thanks.” 

She reached out to pour herself some tea, eyeing the toy rabbit. Gold hadn’t mentioned it, and she wasn’t sure whether she ought to, but curiosity got the better of her.

“What’s this?”

He glanced up, and his mouth flattened a little, Sitting back in his chair, he closed the lid of the laptop and ran a hand through his hair again, as though he felt awkward. Belle waited, and after a moment he picked up the rabbit in gentle hands, turning it slowly over and over.

“This,” he said quietly. “Belonged to my son. It’s all I have left of him.”

His eyes flicked up to meet hers, and there was something she had never seen before in his gaze. Anxiety, and the first glimpse of a deep, all-consuming pain. She licked her lips, suddenly nervous, wanting to ask questions, but unsure if she was ready for the answers.

“Your son?”

“Yes.”

The word was barely audible, and he dropped his eyes, head drooping a little.

“So,” she said softly. “You did have a child.”

“I did,” he said. “I - I do. When I say this is all I have left of him, I don’t mean that he’s dead. Or - or I don’t believe that, at least.”

“Will you tell me about him?” she asked gently.

There was silence for a moment, and she waited for him to speak. Gold sighed, looking at the toy rabbit in his hands, his fingers still turning it over and over as though it were a talisman. Eventually he glanced up, and took a deep breath.

“His name is Bailey,” he said. “He’ll be twenty-eight by now. And I have absolutely no bloody idea where he is.”

Belle shook her head.

“I - I don’t understand,” she said. “Did you two lose touch?”

Gold let out a short, humourless bark of a laugh.

“You could say that,” he said grimly. “His mother picked up and left one day, taking him with her, along with all their things, except for that rabbit. Haven’t seen him since.”

“How old was he?”

“Two.” 

He let his head drop again, and Belle chewed at her lip in distress.

“And you’ve no idea where she went?” she asked. “Surely there must be some way to track her down - the police, or…” She cut off as Gold started shaking his head. “They couldn’t help?”

“No,” he said shortly. “I had no rights to him.”

“Why not?”

Gold set down the rabbit and sat back in his chair, sucking in his cheeks and looking uncomfortable.

“Because I was never named as his father,” he said, his tone calm and cold. “We weren’t exactly in a serious relationship before she was pregnant. She left town one day without a word, and I thought that was that. Didn’t even know I had a son until he was eighteen months old, and she came back looking for me to take them in.”

“She - she didn’t tell you she was pregnant?” asked Belle, in a small voice. She could feel a twinge of guilt over her own delay in telling him about their baby, and Gold fixed her with a flat, dark-eyed stare. 

“No.”

“Why not?”

His mouth worked, as though he wanted to snap out a response, but he shrugged.

“I never did get a satisfactory answer to that question.”

Belle tried to picture a Gold nearly thirty years younger, but the image wouldn’t quite form in her mind. She found herself wondering whether he had always been emotionally distant and cold, or whether his past was the cause. Perhaps his son’s mother had been unsure whether returning to him would be the best course of action. Perhaps she, too, had tried to give her child the best life she could, in the circumstances. The thoughts made her feel uncomfortable, almost disloyal, and she frowned to herself. Don’t be an idiot! You’re not in a relationship with this man, and recognising someone’s flaws doesn’t make you a bad person! Maybe you and this woman had something in common.

“So - so what happened to her after she took your son?” she asked.

Gold picked up his coffee, taking a sip before setting it down.

“I don’t know,” he said grimly. “I found out later that she’d left town with someone. She’d apparently been seeing him every time I worked late or went away with work. Left Bae on his own in the house more than once, or so I was told. A bloody toddler! Surprised no one called Social Services.”

Oh. Okay, so maybe we have nothing in common. 

“That - that must have been painful,” she said awkwardly, but he merely shrugged.

“Oh, she’d never been faithful, so that wasn’t exactly a surprise,” he said. “Milah never was one for being settled. Always on the move, always - searching - for something. I thought, given that I had a decent job and made a good wage, that she might stay. For Bae’s sake, at least. A child needs its mother.”

The obvious question in Belle’s mind was whether he was certain he was the father of this child after all, and Gold seemed to sense she was thinking it.

“You have the same look on your face my father did when I told him she was back,” he said dryly. “And before you ask, no, I didn’t take a test to prove I was the father. I had only her word for it. That and what I felt, anyway. What I knew. I knew he was my son.”

It was the first time he had ever mentioned his father, and Belle felt a surge of curiosity, but she didn’t feel equipped to handle a long conversation about his family history. She filed the information away for later, when she was more rested.

“Tell me about him,” she said. “Tell me about Bailey.”

The grim expression melted away, and there was a softness around his eyes, the faintest hint of a smile.

“You know, Henry reminded me of him a little,” he said. “That same bright-eyed curiosity about everything going on around him.”

“Henry’s a great kid,” agreed Belle, and Gold’s smile grew a little.

“Bae had my eyes,” he said. “Dark hair, like his mother, but my eyes. Pretty much all he had of me, if I’m honest. He was a happy child, affectionate. He loved stories, and painting in the kitchen. Made a terrible mess, but I didn’t mind that. Curious about everything he saw, and full of joy. He was always laughing, always happy. Filled with light.”

His head dropped a little, and Belle wanted to reach for him again, to send him comfort. She tried to imagine the pain of losing a child, of not knowing their fate for decades. It was too horrible to contemplate, so she pushed the thoughts away.

“But she took him away,” she said. “Without saying a thing?”

"Oh, there were hints, looking back," he said tiredly. "She kept saying she wanted to move, that she wanted some excitement in her life. I knew she was unhappy, but I thought stability was more important than chasing the horizon. I wanted Bae to have everything I never did, you see."

"I can understand that," she said, and he wrinkled his nose, reaching for his coffee.

"Yeah, well," he said quietly. "Boring, apparently. All work and no play."

He took a drink, and Belle chewed at her lip.

“And - and you never heard from her again?” she asked.

Gold shook his head.

“It’s how I ended up over here,” he said. “When the authorities wouldn’t help, I tried to find them myself. Eventually I tracked them to the US, and found out that Bae had been in the care of Social Services when he was six or seven. Since then, no trace of either of them.”

“Oh.” 

Belle buried her face in her cup. Uneasy thoughts were brewing in her mind about what could have become of his son. Perhaps he was no longer alive to be found. It was a horrible thought, and one she had no doubt had plagued him many times over the years, so she kept it to herself.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I - I had no idea.”

“Why would you?”

It was said in a dismissive tone, followed by a sip of his coffee, and she frowned. Why indeed?

Gold sighed, closing his eyes, and ran a hand over his face.

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong,” he said. “I - I just meant that I never really talked about it, that’s all.”

“Why not?” she asked softly. Why couldn’t you talk to me? Why can’t you let me in?

She wanted to press him on it, but something held her tongue; she sensed that he would only talk when he was ready, and that it wasn’t the time. Gold shrugged, looking awkward.

“Because it was private,” he said eventually.

It wasn’t much of an answer, but she suspected it was all she would get.

“How does it feel to talk about it now?” she asked tentatively, and he glanced across at her.

“Painful,” he admitted. “Like poking at an old wound, and realising it hasn’t really healed, just scabbed over. You still bleed.”

“You must miss him,” she said softly, and he swallowed hard.

“Yes,” he whispered. “Oh, every day.”

There was silence for a moment. Belle took a sip of her tea, wondering whether to speak first, or to leave it to him to steer the conversation. Gold was staring at a point in the distance, his mouth set in a flat line, and she could sense pain deep within him, and loss, and guilt.

“It’s the not knowing, really,” he said quietly. “Whether he grew up happy and content. Whether he’s warm, and safe. Whether he went to college or got married or had children of his own.” He grimaced, mouth twisting. “In the darkest times there’s a tiny, terrible part of myself wondering if he’s even still alive.”

“Of course he is,” she said firmly, and he glanced at her, a brief flash of something in his eyes. Gratitude for her reassurance, perhaps? She wished he was easier to read. 

“Yes,” he whispered. “He’s alive and well, and living a good life. He has to be.”

His jaw tightened, and she could sense a determination in him, a certainty. She wondered how many times he had repeated that assertion to himself over the years. How many times he had feared the worst, and tried to reassure himself.

“Do you think he’s ever looked for you?” she asked, and he sighed.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Like I said, I was never named in any records, so I suppose it depends how much his mother told him about me, if anything. I doubt he remembers the time he lived with me, after all.”

“I guess not.”

More silence. Belle felt a rush of sympathy for him, and reached out instinctively to grasp his hand. Gold looked down at where her fingers were tucked between his, as though he was surprised to feel her touch, and she squeezed gently.

“I hope you find him one day,” she said. “And - and thank you for telling me.”

The corners of his mouth twitched, and he looked across at her.

“Well, you were right,” he said. “You needed to know.”

“Yeah.”

There was silence for a moment. She pulled her hand back and picked up her cup, watching him out of the corner of her eye. He seemed to be thinking hard, his fingers twitching a little on the table top, and he glanced across at her.

“I know that one of your concerns was that I would get bored of being a father, and leave,” he said. “I assure you that will never happen, Belle. Whatever may happen between us, I will always play a full part in this child’s life.”

She nodded.

“I believe you,” she said. “And I’m glad. Really.”

She drained her cup, setting it down on the table. Gold was watching her with an unreadable look in his eyes, but she sensed a slight change in the atmosphere. Tiny cracks spidering across the wall that had been built between them. The first tentative steps towards a positive relationship. Whatever form that took.

“Well, I’m gonna go back to bed,” she said. “Could you do me a favour and wake me at ten if I’m not up?”

“Of course,” he said. “I’ll make breakfast. French toast?”

“Well, now you’re spoiling me.”

His eyes gleamed a little.

“Are you going to let me?”

Belle returned his tiny smile.

“If you insist.”

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Imagine...A Missed Call (Part 2)

Pairing: Dean x reader

Part 1

A/N: I normally don’t write multiple parts to imagines but here’s a little more of this one :)

To say you’d been excited the day Dean knew you were there finally in that hospital room was an understatement. You were ecstatic and bouncing off the walls. You had a chance to finally get back in your body after three longs months. 

Plus he was talking to you again, at least as best he could.

But cure number twelve was another no go and you were starting to get more than a little disappointed after a month of failures.

“Y/N,” said Dean after you made a plastic cup fly across the room. You scowled, sitting down on the end of the tray table. At least being a kind of ghost meant that you were weightless. You’d take the perks where you could get them. “We’ll get it.”

“This is hopeless,” you said, grumbling to yourself. You tucked your knees to your chest, taking a shaky breath. You were crying quietly, Dean rubbing his arms. You couldn’t even control your emotions and now he was freezing. You bit your bottom lip and saw frost form on the window.

“Sweetheart,” he said softly. “I know you’re scared and upset. I know, baby. You gotta keep fighting for me. We always find a way. We’ll fix it.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed your body’s hand, turning up his other one. You shifted and crawled over to the bed, resting yours on top of it, Dean smiling down at it. 

“I’m never leaving you, sweetheart. Never. Don’t you ever get scared about that. I’ll fix what I broke, I promise,” he said.

“You didn’t break anything,” you said, calming down some, the frost disappearing from the windows, the goosebumps leaving Dean’s skin. “Get me back so I can tell you this wasn’t your fault. Please. It wasn’t your fault, baby.”

“There,” he said, turning to you with a smile, even if he wasn’t quite sure where you were. “You’ll be okay. I’ll make it all better, Y/N. We’ll make it better.”

Two Weeks Later

“No, no,” you said, watching your body get moved out of the room. No way Dean would have moved you without telling you about it. You frowned as you felt yourself get tugged with it and you decided to sit on top of the bed, frowning as a doctor and nurse pushed you in an elevator. You rubbed your arms as they brought you down to a quiet part of the building, turning you into a room full of people all asleep in their beds. 

You saw someone tossing a ball up in the air, wide eyed when they saw you.

“Hey! You dead too?” he asked.

“I’m not dead,” you grumbled, the doctor and nurse plugging a few machines in but you noticed not all of them got hooked back up. “They didn’t...turn on my food. Or water.”

“Yeah. Those two ain’t winning any humanitarian of the year awards. They think they’re easing our suffering or something. Assholes,” he said.

“Wait. They...are those two murdering us?” you asked.

“Eh, doubt they call it that to themselves but pretty much. I’ve been in a coma since I was twenty three. Eight years. Blows but occasionally I get to meet new people like you and that chick Billie,” he said.

“Billie?” you swallowed. You felt the air shift, Billie giving you a little wave. “Oh come on.”

“Barry, I know you turned down the last reaper kid but you want to get out of here?” she asked him.

“Yeah. I’m tired of being stuck,” he said. She nodded and he was gone, Billie turning to you.

“Kid was here eight years. You’ve been here four months and at this rate, your body will die by the end of tomorrow,” she said, holding out a hand. “Final offer, Y/N.”

“You just said, I won’t really die until tomorrow,” you said. “So you can’t reap me until I’m actually dying.”

“You’re a Winchester. You’re long past your expiration date. I’ll take this as a no then,” she said, lifting her head. You both turned your heads as you saw a new pair of nurses enter and set up your feeding machine, your head cocking. “Alright, you caught me.”

“Why’d the other guy lie?” you asked.

“He’s been stuck here for years. I told him if he lied, I’d let him move on,” she said.

“This is for long term patients isn’t it,” you said.

“They need the other room upstairs,” she said, looking around. “I hope you enjoy these four walls. It’s what you’ll be staring at for eternity if you stay.”

You heard the doors open, a pissed looking Dean enter and start yelling at the nurses, Billie raising an eyebrow.

“He won’t be around forever, Y/N. What if he dies? You’re trapped. You’ll never get to be with him in heaven,” she said.

“I’ll die when I’m good and ready, thanks,” you shot back. “I ain’t going yet.”

“Maybe I’ll pop back in a hundred years. See how you’re doing then,” she said, vanishing in front of you. You sighed as you watched the nurses finish hooking everything up, Dean looking around the room after they left. You smiled and walked in front of him, cupping his cheek.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “Sorry if you got scared there for a minute. Sam’s looking into something. We’ll try it out tonight. I gotta run back and help him but I’ll be back later, promise.”

You smiled as he left, sitting up on your bed, listening to the quiet hum of machines going.

There was no TV to play with down there unfortunately and no windows made you bored quickly. There was little foot traffic so when you heard the double doors open, you lifted your head up.

Dean was smiling as he looked straight at you, running over and giving you a hug.

“Dean,” you said, pushing him back, seeing the red marks on his skin. “What...”

“I had to kind of...die a little for this to work,” he said. You shook your head, Dean smiling as he kissed you. “See you real soon. I hope.”

“Wasn’t your-” you got out before you blinked open your eyes, gagging on the tubes in your throat. You coughed and looked around with no sign of Dean, back in your body, your cold and achy body. You fumbled around and hit the switch beside you, a nurse coming inside to stare at you. You waved your hand and they rushed over.

“You’re awake?” they asked. You nodded, pointing at the tube. “Fuck me. You’re supposed to be brain dead.”

You threw up your hands and rolled your eyes. 

“Uh, I’ll grab a doctor.”

It took forever for them to get you unhooked and to stop poking and prodding at you. After hours and you never once felt a cold touch on yourself, you snuck out and started to look around the hospital. Dean had probably tried to overdose and you snuck behind a nurse’s station, finding one of his alias in the computer there.

You found room 212, Dean in bed with closed eyes, Sam smiling wide from his chair when he saw you.

“Is he...” you said.

“Just sleeping,” said Sam, walking around and giving you a hug. You returned it and slapped him in the face. “Told Dean you’d kick our ass for that.”

“He could have died. He could have been trapped. He could have caused irreversible damage, Sam,” you said.

“Cas fixed him up. He’s-”

“Hey,” said Dean hazily, giving you a smile as he stirred. “Please tell me I’m not hallucinating.”

“The accident wasn’t your fault you idiot,” you said, stepping over and kissing him hard. He hummed and blinked slowly when you broke apart. “Don’t you dare do something like that again.”

“So happy to hear you yell at me,” he said, grabbing your hand. “I’m so sorry I didn’t answer the phone.”

“It’s not your fault,” you said, sitting on the edge of his bed. “I love you. All I want to do is go home with you Dean.”

“Me too sweetheart.”

Two Months Later

“If you’re not going to pick up in the bathroom I’ll do it myself,” you shot back at Dean, surprised to see a flicker of fear on his face. “Dean? What’s wrong?”

“I know we’re having a fight and everything right now but...” he said, eyes going right to the door up to the garage. “Can you please not go for a drive?”

You pursed your lips at the dirty towel in your hand, tossing it on the floor and walking over to him, throwing your arms around him.

“I won’t,” you said. You smiled and felt his lips on your temple. “How about you just get the dirty stuff in a basket and I’ll do all the laundry from now?”

“Okay. I’ll pick up all of the dusting though,” he said. “Deal?”

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “I wish we did that the first time.”

“Me too,” he said. “I know you’re mad about me risking myself so I could pull you back but you’re my girl. I was always going to get you back one or the other.”

“Thank you for saving me, Dean,” you said. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

[all1e23]

Swallow [Pt.4]

Chapter: Gasping For Breath

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary:  You decide it’s time to put the past to bed. 

Warnings:  Protective Clint. Angst. Cute, sweet Bucky. 

A/N:   This chapter is mostly a flashback. It’s dark and sad. So... Enjoy? Send me love because I’m needy. No pun intended with the summary btw. No one is going to bed with anyone. Sorry. 😂

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam though! Thanks!*

Five years earlier 

You wandered through the clubhouse in search of your boyfriend, well boyfriend for the next few minutes. Fiance as soon as you can find him. Your finger hooked into the gold band hanging from the chain around your neck and smiled at the thought. It was the first time you had smiled since the funeral. You could both go for some good news right about now, and you had stalled enough.

Buck’s been waiting on an answer, and it was time you gave him one.  

“Steve?” You called, clearing your throat, so he pulled himself off, Peggy. After a few gentle shoves to his chest by the pretty brunette that was perched on the bartop in front of him. He reluctantly pulled back and turned to face you, pushing his longer than usual hair out of his face.

“What’s up, Y/n?” He asked as Peggy reached over and wiped her red lipstick from his jaw and around his lips. As always you were jealous of how flawless Peggy looked, high waisted jeans, a black corset top, and bright red lips. Somehow she looked perfect, even after Steve had attacked her like a suckerfish.

“I was looking for Buck,” You answered, glancing around the clubhouse. “Have you seen him anywhere?”

Steve stepped out from his spot between Peggy’s thighs and closed the gap between the two of you, one hand still holding onto his girl’s hand. Every time the clubhouse was full of visiting charters Bucky and Steve had a problem leaving the two of you alone. Hands were always on you.

Rules. Claim. It was all part of the life you both signed up for.

“He’s in chapel. You need something?” He questioned, overly eager and nosy -- as if you weren’t allowed to go back and see your boyfriend. You met his eyes and gave him a small smile.

“Nothing you can give me. I like a little hair to grab onto while I’m riding, Stevie.” 

You winked at the blush that filled his cheeks and walked past him through the double doors that led to the most essential room in the clubhouse. Every single meeting took place in this room, club business was rarely discussed outside these doors, the safe was kept in Bucky’s office at the back of the room and against the back wall was a giant hand-carved wood plaque that said ‘Winter Soldier’s MC.’

It was also the very same room where you would lose your boyfriend every time he stepped through those double doors. The sweet, adorably cocky, charming boy that won your heart slipped away the second he stepped through those doors and was replaced with a cold and calculated leader. He didn’t have much of a choice if he wanted to come home to you. If he wanted to be respected by his brothers and their rivals. His dad taught him years ago what would be expected of him when he took over, and he was doing everything he could to live up to the man his dad wanted him to be.

Your heart sank the moment you laid eyes on him. He was sitting at the head of the table, eyes glued to the gavel before him and the scowl on his face told you he was losing the battle with whatever dark thoughts are dragging him down. He was so wrapped up in his head; he didn’t hear you come in. You slowly made your way around the table until you got by his side, his hand slowly lifted from his lap, and he held it up for you to take, which you did. He gave a gentle tug and pulled you down onto his lap where you tucked your head under his chin letting him wrap his arms around you.

The two of you sat in silence for longer than you would have liked, but you knew when he was ready he would talk. He would tell you what’s wrong after he was able to center himself. He finally gave you a firm squeeze and placed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Why don’t you go see what Peggy is up to? Or Nat?” He suggested.

He was kicking you out, gently, but he was still kicking you out.

Something terrible must have happened in chapel, and you needed to know what, but first you had some things to talk about. You slowly sat up straight, staying on Bucky's lap and shook your head. “Steve has Peggy busy. Covered in red lipstick last time I saw him.” Bucky rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“So glad I made him my VP. Good to know he’s spending the night making out with Peggy instead of handling business.”

You didn’t like the way he said handling business. As if you were part of ‘business’ and needed to be kept in line.

“Did -- did you tell him to keep me away from you?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.

Bucky’s large hands landed on your hip, and he lifted you up onto the table. He looked up at you, and you could see the fight in his eyes. Whatever he was fighting against wasn’t something you were going to like, you knew that much. There had been rumors of getting back into some of their more illegal activities, and you had been adamant that you didn’t want Bucky or your brother involved in any of that. Bucky had listened to all your reasons, but when it came down to it, you didn’t have a say what the club did and didn’t do. It didn’t matter who you were with, president or not. Old ladies did not have an opinion on club business.

Those pesky rules popping up again.

“I didn’t tell him to keep you out specifically. I said, everyone. I needed a minute to clear my head is all.” He sighed and ran his hands up and down your thighs. ‘“It’s fine. I don’t want you kept from me, you know that. Did you have something you needed to talk about? You had the face.”

“I did not have the face!” You pouted, crossing your arms over your chest in a huff.

He smiled, but it didn’t quite touch his eyes. “Yes, you did. What is it?”

You let out a shaky breath and slowly pull the chain from your neck, holding it out for Bucky to take. He swallowed hard and met your eyes. “What’s this? You givin’ me the ring back? I gotta say, baby, you could have waited to say you didn’t want to marry me.”

“Oh, you are so dumb sometimes.” You laughed and unhook the chain letting the ring fall into his hand. “Ask me again, Buck.” You whispered, a small smile on your face.

The ring felt heavy this time around. It didn’t feel like it had when he asked you to be his the first time around. It felt easier somehow when he asked you to give up your dreams and spend the rest of your life by his side. He closed his hand around the ring, hiding it in his tightly closed fist.

“I’m trying to say you’re going to like the answer,” you tried again, hoping he would be a little more excited but his expression was blank, so you kept urging him along. 

“I thought about it like you said and I know it’s a lot to take on. I know the rules and what’s expected of an old lady, the president’s old lady. No flirting, especially club members. Not that I’ve ever been interested in anyone but you. If something ever happened between us, I’m forbidden to talk about the club business and no dating any other members. I -- My career can wait. I have one semester left, and it’s not like I couldn’t get a nursing job at the hospital here. I’m sure you outlaws could use someone with medical training hanging around.”

Bucky closed his eyes and abruptly stood up. “Stop. Just stop.”

You could feel your heart racing, the fury beats filling your chest from the sharpness in his voice. Your hands suddenly felt clammy and you could have sworn you could hear your heart racing, a fierce buzzing in your ears. You’ve never seen him look at you like that before -- like he wanted to keep his distance and never see you again.

“I don't think now is the best time.” He said softly, unable to look you in the eye. “I just took over the club, your dad and now all this club… shit. I think it would be better if we wait before we get married, pretty girl.”  You could feel little pieces of your heart breaking off with each word he said. He didn’t want to marry you. You made him wait too long, and now he’s changing his mind. You could fix this. Everything would be fine once you talk it out. 

Just like always.

“I didn’t say we had to get married right away--”

“--It’s just not gonna happen, Y/n. Drop it.”

“Wait,” You shook your head and hopped off the table. “Not now or not ever?”

His eyes were begging you to stop pushing but the tremble of your bottom lip you were trying to hide, the resolve in your eyes made it clear you weren’t going to back down. “I have some things I need to handle with the club before that can happen. I need to clean up the club a bit first, and then I can give you all of me--’

“That’s just it though. It’s never going to be all of you is it, Buck?” You rebuked, fighting back your tears. “It’s always going to be the club first and then Steve and then Sam and then maybe me. Way, way at the bottom.”

Bucky’s brow drew together, and his eyes darkened. You both had a bit of temper, and in any other situation, you would have stopped and come back after you both had a moment to cool down. You’ve been drawn tight since your father’s funeral, and Bucky has been overly stressed with the club, you were both ready to snap at any moment.

This just happened to be when the tension broke.

“You think you’re the bottom of my list? Everything... EVERYTHING I do is for you!” He shouted back. “I don’t make a decision for this club without thinking about how it could hurt you, how it will impact you or us! You shouldn’t even come into my head when it comes to the club, but every decision I make revolves around you and your safety. My entire world is wrapped up in you, and for once, I need you to not second guess me and just trust what I’m saying. We need to take a step back so you can find a good job and I can get the club under control.”

“And you’re not going to tell me what chapel was about tonight?”

“No,” Bucky said quickly, his voice was firm, and you could see the resolve in his eyes. He wasn’t going to break. If he wasn’t going to give in, neither were you.

“Why are we the thing that needs to slow down, huh? Why is it that the club has to be taken care of before you can marry me? You asked me might I add! Why can’t you step down and be a normal twenty-two year old for a little bit? Not forever, just let Steve handle some of the bigger things and--”

“--Stop. Stop, Y/n. I’m not going to dump the club on Steve’s lap and take off with you.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “You knew who I was when you got on the back of my bike that first night. This is who I am. You said you knew what it meant to be my old lady. Start acting like it.” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat, digging your nails into your palms as hard as you could. There was no way in hell you were going cry in front of him after that. “I know the way I have to act in front of the club and outsiders. I know I have to respect you and this club, but it’s just you and me right now, and I thought I could be honest with the man I love. The man I have loved since I was fifteen.”

You walked over to him, and his arms automatically dropped to his side giving you room to lean into his chest. He didn’t wrap his arms around you like he usually would, but you felt him melt into your touch.

“I’m asking that man, to love me more than his so-called brotherhood. I’m not saying you have to abandon the club. I can’t keep doing this. Not after your dad and not after mine. Let someone else carry the burden. Please, Baby.” You whispered. 

“No.” He shook his head. “I’m not leaving the club behind to go play house with you. I can’t do that, and you know I can’t.”

You shouldn’t have been surprised. The club has always been more important than you, but you always thought if it really came down to one or the other Bucky would have picked you. You took a step back from him, a few tears slipping through before you could stop them. 

“So that's it?” Your voice was shaking ever so slightly, and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. “You're picking the club over me?”

"Yeah, guess I am. This club is my family--"

"And what am I?!" You shouted through the onslaught of tears that were now steadily falling.

"Please don’t do this, Y/n.” He begged, looking pained as he forced the words out through gritted teeth. “Give me a year to figure some things out. I need you by my side, but I can’t just walk away from the club.”

Now he needed you? A moment ago you weren’t even considered family. This was exactly what your father always warned you about. The club would always come first, and you were just his second prize, a pretty thing to keep the back of his bike warm. Not anymore. 

“It’s the club or me because I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep being second or third or fourth to everything else in your life. You let me know what’s important and what isn’t because I can’t do this anymore.”You dropped the chain to the floor and walked back towards the double doors doing your best to wipe away any evidence of your tears. 

“If you walk away from me, from the club.” He called after you, his voice was hard and filled with fury. “You can't ever come back, Y/n. There's no coming back from that." You stopped at the door and turned back to look at him, fresh tears threatening to fall.

"Then I guess you made your choice on what you can and cannot live without."

The doors slammed behind you, and you swore would remember that sound for the rest of your life. You turned the corner rushing to get out of the clubhouse as fast as you could, but you ran face-first into Steve’s chest. He had to grab your arms to steady you enough to keep you standing.

“Woah!” He chuckled. “Where are you off to?”

“I need to go. Please let go of me.” Steve frowned at the tremble in your voice and stepped back to get a look at your face, he knew right away what had happened.

“Listen,” He said softly. “I don’t know what happened in there, but I have a good idea, and you have to know, he’s not strong enough to walk away from you. You need to be the one to end things. He’s never going to get the courage to do what he has to. It’s better if you walk away. Leave town if you have to.”  

“Steve!” Natasha hissed from behind him.

“Don’t worry. He had no problem picking the club over me. Your president always does what he has to, and now he won’t have me holding him back from his potential,” You spat as Natasha wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you away from Steve, glaring at him as she ushered you out to your car.

Clint jogged up behind Steve and nodded towards the parking lot where Nat was dragging Y/n away without so much as a goodbye. He frowned and looked over at Steve. 

“Where is Y/n going?”

“You should get home, Clint.” Steve lamented. “She’s going to need her brother tonight.”

--------

“You’re doing what now?” Clint asked in disbelief, watching as you moved around the bathroom.

There was no way he heard you right. Not after what happened last week. You ranted for over an hour about how you never wanted to see ‘that dumb blue-eyed asshole’ again. He wasn’t sure if you meant Steve or Bucky, but he wasn’t about to ask. He glanced back at Nat who was giving him her best ‘I told you so’ grin and man did he hate that. She wasn’t going to let this go for days.

“I am taking my car into the shop today so you dumbasses can work on it and that way, Bucky and I can talk.” Your voice trailed off there at the end, but it didn’t matter, Clint had heard you, and he did not like it.

“You think that’s a good idea?” Clint crossed his arms over his chest, eyes darkening as he watched you applying your second coat of pink stuff on your lips. He doesn’t know what it is, but he doesn’t like that you’re getting all dolled up to see Bucky. 

“You gotta wear all that to get your car looked at? The whole garage is filled with guys who are basically your brothers.”

“Besides the one that used to bend her over the back of his bike in said garage and--”

“Nat!” Clint groaned and pointed at you. “Sister! Please for the love of the club don’t say that again. I really don’t want to punch him.”  You flipped the bathroom light off and walked over to Clint placing a kiss to his cheek as he grumbled something you couldn’t catch under his breath.

“I love you for worrying, but I’m fine bubba.” 

You slipped the strap of your purse over your head, securing it around your body and grabbed your keys. “I’ll be back later tonight. Don’t wait up. I don’t know how long my car is gonna take.” He watched you practically bounced out of the house. He didn’t like this idea, and he didn’t like that pep in your step.

“Right. Sure.” Clint snarked. “Customers usually stay well into the night when they are getting their cars worked on.” Nat sighed and walked over to him, placing a kiss to his cheek to calm him down.

“She’s not coming home at all tonight. They never could stay away from each other, and everyone knows it.” She shrugged. “You know as well as I do he’s trying to fix things. They have always been drawn to each other. Like a moth to a flame that one.” Clint yanked his kutte off the counter. He was at least going to be close by if you needed him.

“Yeah, and the moth always gets burned, Tasha.”

--------

It didn’t take long after you arrived for a particular club member to wander out of the clubhouse and into the garage. He was in those damn black jeans you loved so much, a black button-up shirt and his leather jacket thrown on over. You had thought he would have wanted to be the one working on your jeep, figured it would give the two of you the chance to talk while he did. Not to mention, he never let anyone besides himself or Clint work on your cars. It seemed he had something else planned for today.

“Hey, pretty girl,” Bucky said softly as he stepped into the garage.

Your heart fluttered in that dumb, silly schoolgirl way it always did when he called you that. You loved and hated that he could still do that to you after all this time. He’s always had a hold over your heart, and you couldn’t shake it no matter what you did. You were both a little too addicted to each other, a little too in love and it’s only ever led to your downfall.

“Hey, Buck.” You whispered, ignoring the way Peter was giving you both heart eyes from under the hood of your jeep as he worked alongside Sam.

Bucky leisurely strolled around his bike, taking a long drag off his cigarette and flicking it to the ground. You crossed your arms over your chest trying to pretend you were ignoring his presence. As if you didn’t get all dolled up and put on your tightest pair jeans for him. He chuckled and shook his head as he swung his leg over his bike and sat down. The second he saw your name on the books this morning he knew you weren’t coming by for your jeep. There was a shop closer to your house, that wasn’t home to your ex-boyfriend, and he knew you well enough to know that if you were as pissed as you claimed you were, you would rather pay someone else to fix your car than ask him for help.

You’re stubborn like that but as angry as you were, you were reaching, and he was more than willing to take the hand you were holding out.

He kicked the kickstand back and slowly walked his back, so he was right in front of you. His eyes never left yours as he pulled your old helmet of his handlebars and held it out for you to take. A flashing sign that said, he knew the two of you would end up right here. Bucky didn’t say a word, just smirked at you and held the helmet out, waiting for you to take it.

You rolled your eyes, definitely did not smile and grabbed the helmet out of his hands, swinging your leg over the back of the bike. Your body immediately sought out his leaning against his back as you put your helmet on and slipped your arms around his waist.

All of this was easy, natural. It always had been. This, the two of you were good at. It was the talking thing you didn’t have down.

“Ready, pretty girl?”

You rested your chin on his shoulder and breathed in his ear. “Yeah. Just don’t go too fast, Buck.”

“Now, baby,” With a flick of his wrist, the bike rumbles loudly under you sending a shiver through you. “What makes you think I’m gonna go fast?”

It’s been five years since you’ve been on the back of someone else’s bike and there was a little part of you was nervous. It was entirely possible that your nerves had nothing to do with the bike and everything to do with the man still holding your heart.  The man that you were holding onto so tightly he could feel the tremble in your hands.

You didn't have a chance to answer him, he was flying out of the parking lot before either of you could decide this was a mistake. All you could do was squeal and tighten your arms around his waist. You couldn't hear his chuckle but you felt it shake his whole body and all the lies and secrets and heartache you’ve been wrestling with were put on hold. He grabbed your hand and placed a kiss on the inside of your wrist, right over your hidden tattoo.

And for just a moment you thought, maybe you could fix this. Everything would be fine once you talk it out, but it never did end the way you thought.

Previous // Next

[strangerivy]

Let The Rain Fall - Two

Summary: After an interesting and eventful first day at school, Elena returns home and decides to explore the woods behind her house. But she doesn’t know just how dangerous those woods can be and what is lurking in them Warnings: None in this chapter, some anxiety attacks throughout the series Pairings: Jasper  x OC (Elena)  Genre: 17+ | Fluff Word Count: 3084 Author’s Note: Let me know what you think! I am always open to feedback to better my writing ♥  

Links: || One | Two | Three || Masterlist ||

My house was only a 20-minute drive from the school. I was pulling up our driveway noticing my mom’s car was still there. I parked my car next to hers and got out going up to the house. It was a small two-bedroom two bath house, perfect for just the two of us.

I could hear she was on the phone, I stopped at the front door trying to listen to the conversation. Yelling. No, Screaming. It’s dad. I opened the door loudly shutting it, so she knew I was back. She poked her head out of the kitchen giving me a small wave hello.

"I don't want to hear it, Tom! She doesn't want to speak to you!" She yelled into the phone going back into the kitchen. I sighed walking down the hall going into my room. I was still unpacking so most of my stuff was still in boxes scattered around the room.

When I moved into the room it was painted this light mossy green, my mother offered to paint it, but I told her it was fine. It fit with my stuff well enough. I dropped my backpack off by the door shutting the door leaning against it. I silently thanked my mom for not making me talk to him.

After I found out why my parents were getting divorced, I wanted nothing to do with him. My dad had always been an ass especially as he got higher up in the business world but never did I think he would cheat on my mother.

I pushed myself off the door grabbing one of my boxes off the floor labeled hiking. The rain was more of a mist now so going outside wouldn't be too bad. I grabbed my boots and rain jacket out of the box putting them on by the front door.

"Mom, I'm going for a walk!" I yelled before exiting the house. I walked to the back of the house admiring the thick forest. Behind our house was the national forest which was convenient for someone who likes to be outdoors. There was a small trail going into it that I followed. It was quiet in the woods and everything was so green. Almost too green.

"Well, it’s not called the evergreen state for nothing," I joked with myself. The ground was mushy and wet, but my boots were keeping my feet relatively dry. I don't know how long I walked for, but I was deep into the woods now not even able to hear cars drive by on the road. I looked up towards the sky and noticed through the small gaps in the trees it was starting to get dark. I decided now would be a good time to turn around and back to the house but then I heard a branch break. I stopped my eyes widening; panic starting to rush through me, my heart began to beat faster. When I was looking into the area before we moved just to see what was around here, I had come across some articles regarding animal attacks and two of those attacks being fatal.

I looked in front of me scanning the tree line. Nothing. I gulped letting out a breath trying to calm my breathing as best as I could, I turned around slowly trying to make as little noise as possible and looked. Nothing.

"Okay... it was probably just a deer. Just. A. Deer." I whispered trying to calm myself down. I looked back up and that's when I saw it. Two yellow eyes maybe twenty feet to my left. I stopped breathing the hairs on my arms beginning to stand up as I stared directly at the eyes and them back at me. It was panting heavily and whatever it was it looked mean and tall. Like HUGE. That's when I heard the howling breaking my stare to look around me not sure where the howl came from because it didn’t sound like it came from where the eyes were. I looked back at where the eyes were to now see nothing.

All those things I read in articles on what not to do when in this situation, went right out the window and I did the one thing you don't do; I ran. I ran as fast as I could hearing its paws hit the ground behind me Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Agh!" I cried in pain as I fell to the ground my foot caught on a root that was sticking out of the ground, I quickly unhooked my foot feeling a sharp pain shoot up my leg when I moved my ankle. I sat up and listened. Too afraid to move. It should have caught up to me, but it was quiet again. I looked ahead of me and thanked God under my breath because I could see my house. I waited before pushing myself off the ground to make sure it really was quiet.

After a few minutes of silence, I decided it was gone. I hobbled my way to the front door unlocking it and walking inside slamming it shut and locking it. My mom was gone now off to work at the hospital noticing her missing car from the driveway. She was a nurse and worked nights at the local hospital. I was kind of glad because I really didn't need her hovering over my ankle.

I sat down on the couch leaning down to untie my boots to look at the damage. It was sprained. The bruise was already apparent. I cursed myself, I really didn't want to deal with this. I hobbled my way on one foot back to my room to get my brace. Sprained ankles weren't uncommon for me. I put it on and got dressed in my pajamas before getting in bed I threw one of my pillows to the end of my bed to elevate the foot.

I looked out the window and I swear I saw Jasper. I sat up and turned to turn on my lamp but when I turned back, he was gone.

"Too much. This is too much, I need sleep." I fell back onto my pillows exhausted deciding it was the adrenaline making me see things before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

 I called Bella in the morning asking for a ride to school.

"You sprained your ankle?" She was trying to hold back laughter after I explained why I needed a ride, I sighed completely embarrassed by my klutziness.

"I said I hike; I didn't say I was good at it." She laughed and said she would be right there; I sent her a text with my address. I got up from my bed and jumped in the shower before she got there. It wasn't raining today so jeans and a sweater would do fine but grabbed a rain jacket just in case the weather decided to change. I had to loosen one of my vans for my brace to fit in it. I reached into the closet grabbing my crutches I had decided to keep a few years ago from another sprain accident. 

I opened my door and peered into my mom’s room. She was asleep still in her scrubs, I smiled before grabbing her door to shut it. I heard a rumble outside, and I looked out the living room window. It was Bella in an extremely old truck. I exited the house and Bella got out to help me into the truck.

"So, " she began pulling out of the driveway "How'd you do it?" She was getting a kick out of this. I smiled looking out the window.

"I was out in the woods and ran into an animal, except..." I trailed off deciding whether to tell her about the wolf or not, I turned to face her, she would probably know more, "do you guys have wolves?" I asked, her body went kind of tense and her face seemed strained like she was trying to hide her emotion back.

"Why, did you see one?" She asked looking at me, her face looked as if she was trying to hide something, but her eyes were filled with concern.

"I think so, well I know I did." We were pulling into the parking lot now. Edward was already there, and his face too seemed worried but stern kind of like he was listening to someone speak but no one was around him. They were defiantly hiding something.

Bella parked her truck in the back of the lot and Edward came and opened the door for me offering me a hand. I took it giving a small thanks as I grabbed my crutches from the truck bed.

"Well Bella, it looks like someone might be more prone to accidents then you," Edward joked, you gave him a small push 

"Shut up, I was almost viciously eaten." I laughed, he looked over at Bella, like he was looking for confirmation from her over something that I couldn’t give. "I swear I saw a wolf last night in the woods while I was out walking, but it was, it was strange because I mean it was HUGE. Taller than any wolf I've ever seen."

"Maybe it was just a bear Elena," Bella suggested as you walked to the school, I shook my head, I know what I saw and heard. There was no doubt in my mind that it was a wolf. But what kind? There were no species of wolf that I could think of that would get that tall. Not without some sort of genetic mutation but that would have to be done in a lab it wouldn't be out in the wild.

The rest of Edwards family pulled up in a silver Jeep parking toward the front. Jasper got out of the car and looked over at me noticing the brace and crutches, he frowned. He raised his eyebrow at me as if he was asking what happen. I gave him a shy smile before going into the school grounds. I'd explain later, maybe he would believe me or give me a better idea of what it could have been.

"No, " I shook my head. The body was two thin for a bear and the howling there was more than the one I saw. Remembering the howl sent shivers down my spine, I shook them off "It was a wolf."

"Elena?" I jumped startled by the new voice; I turned my head to see Jasper was next to me. I looked at him confused. There was no way he could have gotten here that quick from his car. We were on the other side of the campus now.

"Oh, hey Jasper." Bella and Edward said bye so they could head to their class, Bella looked back at me with a grin spread across her face. I shook my head trying to ignore her "How are-"

"What happen?" He cut me off, I sighed getting ready to explain my accident again.

"Oh, just my stupidity in the woods last night" I chuckled trying not to act as nervous as I was. He was so intimidating but not in a bad way he made me want to just tell my entire story to him. My hopes, my dreams my struggles. Everything. "There was a wolf in the woods last night and I tried to run away from it and well roots," I explained lifting my foot to show my brace.

"A wolf?" His voice was concerned, and his face was stern I was a little taken back, I mean I had just met him so it was confusing as to why he would be so concerned. I was flattered though; I knew I had feelings for him, but I didn't know if I really wanted to pursue them. Yet. I shifted beginning to feel uncomfortable. 

"Umm yeah, a wolf, but uh I need to get to class so I'll see you in history, okay?" I tried to avoid eye contact with him as I began walking to my next class. I was much slower with the crutches.

I couldn't help but think about how they reacted to my injury or more my reasoning. It WAS a wolf. I was positive. Jasper was outside each of my classes today helping me with my books and backpack. It was sweet and I was grateful, moving around became extremely difficult but more importantly, it allowed us to talk more.

"You rode horses?" he asked surprised looking down at my foot. I laughed and jokingly hit his chest.

"I may be clumsy, but I can ride horses," I said as we continued to my fourth-period class. "I competed a little too, plus the horse does most of the work, I just tell it what I need it to do."

"You competed?" He was clearly intrigued, and it made me smile. 

"Not often but sometimes, it was kind of my town's thing. Horse riding. Almost everyone was involved in riding," I said as we got to my fourth class. He opened the door for me, and I waved goodbye as I entered. I looked up and Bella had this huge smile on her face she was seeing something I wasn't. I sat down next to her trying to avoid her gaze. She wanted to talk it was obvious. I wasn't used to having someone like her around. Someone to confide in. It was a new thing for me, but I was starting to like it.

"So," she was clearly giddy about me talking to Jasper, I had run into her a few times in the hall today with Jasper and every time she would give this weird cheesy grin. I didn't understand why. We were just talking but maybe it looked different from an outside perspective. Whatever it was, I didn't mind.

"So?" I looked at her questioning what she was trying to say, she shrugged as the teacher walked in, she clearly wasn't going to drop this. The nice thing about Bella is we were similar. She was just about as awkward as I was when it came to conversation. It made talking to her easier because she just understood.

"Jasper seems to have taking a liking to you," she whispered, we were watching a movie in class today. I looked over at the teacher and he was playing solitary on his computer clearly not paying attention to the class.

"I have no idea what you’re talking about," I whispered back keeping my eyes on the screen. Jasper and I were just talking, I have no idea why he would take an interest in me. Especially since he was gorgeous. He could have anyone in this school and there were way betting looking girls than me. 

"Maybe you don't see it, but I do." I shook my head and continued watching the rest of the movie in silence. The bell rang and I got up from my seat, Bella handed me my crutches and we both walked out of the class to head for lunch, Jasper was waiting for me in the hall. 

"Hey Jasper, are joining us for lunch today?" Bella asked with a smile, I elbowed her trying to get her to stop.

"If that's okay with Elena?" He gestured toward me and I nodded not seeing anything wrong with that. We got to the table we sat at yesterday and I plopped down in the chair except I missed and hit the edge and hit the floor with a loud thump. Jasper was next to me instantly, I looked at him grimacing in pain, my foot hit the table leg and pain was shooting up my leg.

"Are you alright?" That voice again. He was worried, I could see it in his eyes, he was very open with his emotions. I felt a calmness run over my body again like that first day in class and the pain in my leg was barely noticeable now. 

"Um yeah, yeah I'm fine, thanks." I grabbed the edge of the table trying to lift myself back up, he offered his hand for support and I gladly took it. This was pathetic.

"Elena at this rate we're going to need to put you in a bubble." Edward joked walking up to the table grabbing my crutches out of the way of my seat and setting them down next to me. I gave him a joking smile while getting situated in my seat.

"I would just pop the bubble." He scoffed at my response before taking his seat next to Bella.

Lunch was awkward, to say the least, Jessica and Angela were clearly uncomfortable with Jasper at the table. From what I could gather, he never broke away from his siblings much. I looked over at the table with the rest and noticed the blonde was staring at me clearly pissed off. I looked over at Jasper and he was staring off lost in his own thoughts.

"Jasper?" He looked over at me hearing my voice, "Is your sister okay?" I asked gesturing over to the blonde. Edward and he scoffed. I was clearly missing something.

"Rosalie is just like that, don't pay attention to her," He mentioned pulling his attention back to the table. I heard a tray slam startling me a little, I caught myself before falling out of my chair again. I looked up noticing it was Rosalie, she was fuming. Her heels clicked echoing through the now silent cafeteria. She walked right past the table glaring before storming out of the cafeteria. The dark-haired guy from yesterday was over at Edward whispering something to him before going after Rosalie.

"Uh will you excuse us, Jasper and I have to deal with something," Edward said getting up from the table kissing Bella on the head before following the other two out. Jasper got up clearly annoyed on whatever was going on. He grabbed my hand and my cheeks were instantly on fire, I looked up at him confused about what was going on. He just gave a soft smile and squeezed my hand gently before following Edward out. I stared at my hand not sure what to think. I looked at the door they had all walk out of and over at Bella who was quietly eating her salad now. What in the world was going on in this town, or more specifically this group?

[somedayonbroadway]

A Newsie Carol Come The Future You’ll Remember Me

Hello again and welcome to...

THE FUTURE!

The world froze. Joseph held his breath, unsure of what to expect.

He waited.

Nothing.

He breathed out, cautiously looking around, terrified to move. Something would surely jump at him and scream at him for doing something wrong.

He wouldn’t stop them. He would welcome the criticism. That is what scared him the most.

Seconds ticked by slowly as the man waited, his body growing colder and colder as the moments drug by. He didn’t see the world around him change. Not until the fog rose up, covering his head as he rest on his knees.

He looked up, shocked by the sudden change of scenery for a moment. He stood cautiously, wondering where on earth he’d been taken this time, praying that it would be something different, something that put his rare smile back on his face.

He’d forgotten what it had been like to be so carefree. To just smile. To care.

The hopes of any more of that were dashed immediately when he let himself focus on the darkened place that surrounded him. He was among death. And he couldn’t get away from it.

Standing amongst a large graveyard, the old man pulled his pajamas tighter around himself. It was freezing. He surveyed the area, unsure of what he would see or what he was supposed to see.

That is, until he turned to find a hooded figure standing just before him, head bowed and cane in hand. It was a dark, ominous creature, covered by a cloak from head to toe. He gasped at the sudden sight, taking a single startled, step backwards. It didn’t move. Didn’t speak. Just stood simply in silence, waiting.

So Joseph took in a shaky breath. “Am I in the presence of the Spirit of Christmas Yet To Be?” The spirit nodded solemnly. But Pulitzer cocked his head, something in his mind clicking. “You... you’re the-“

The spirit was quick. In one swift motion, their cane lifted up into the air before cracking down on the ground. The world didn’t spin, but within an instant the graveyard was gone, replaced with the streets of a city he’d used to know so well.

He was in Manhattan. The streets of Manhattan. And somehow, everything looked so different.

“Spirit, show me what you must... please...” he begged. “I know your purpose is to do me good.” He did. Even if he hadn’t first known that this night would be one that changed everything he thought he knew.

With a shaken hand, the spirit lifted its arm, an old, ungloved hand pointing in the direction of something behind the man. Taking a slow breath, he nodded and turned to the sight that must somehow be important.

He didn’t like what he saw.

“Hannah?” he called quietly, watching as his secretary sat outside on the freezing streets in absolute silence. She didn’t move. She didn’t speak, she stared just ahead, her eyes wide, as if she’d seen a ghost. People passed her by, paying her no mind at all as she pulled her knees to her chest.

Men walked passed her with a stretcher. There was a body on it, one covered with a sheet, like he might’ve seen in a television show sometimes. Someone had died.

“Spirit, who is this? Who’s died?” he asked turning back to the cloaked figure. The head beneath that hood tilted slowly to the side, as if it was confused.

But Pulitzer looked back up at the woman sitting on the curb. He watched as someone approached her. “You called?” They asked. They wore hoods. He couldn’t see their faces. But she pointed up behind her into the vaguely familiar building she sat outside.

“Take what you want...” she decided, standing to her feet, looking sick to her stomach. “Take it all...” She took a key out of her pocket, tossing it to them as she began walking away. One of the three caught it easily. “I expect cash in full, in the morning, for all of it...”

And then she stumbled on down the street, looking straight ahead, not once even making any kind of effort to turn back.

There was no more need.

“What is this?” Pulitzer asked quietly, turning back to his guide to the future.

The figure was still dark, but there was a certain light to it. Not one that made Joseph feel safer or warmer, no. This light was more that of an informative one. One that was meant to teach. One that Joseph had the strange urge to wholeheartedly learn from.

The cloaked figure stood in the middle of the street, so simply still it was agonizing.

Until the hand that gripped onto a jagged cane fell to the ground. The the figure stood up straighter, seeming to grow three feet. The old man had to look up at it as it waved its large hands around, causing chaos to arise around them. Chaos of the past and the present, voices that the man knew and used to know and places he would’ve never admitted he missed seeing.

It swirled around him, almost mocking him, flashing in his face over and over again.

Then, everything was quiet. Something was beeping. The whole world was dark. There was a sadness in the air when Pulitzer found himself transported back into a familiar hospital room, looking out the window of the door to the hallway and finding Jack Kelly standing outside, tears streaming freely down his face as the nurse, David, sadly shook his head.

Joseph’s heart dropped as he turned around. The cloaked figure stood next to the bed, watching over the child who still lie there, supposedly a year older, but looking smaller and weaker than ever.

The small beep of the machine beside him was slow and getting slower by the second. His chest was barely rising as every gasp he took in was more a wheeze than a breath. Pulitzer couldn’t breath either.

He turned, hardly able to stay and watch what would inevitably happen next. Instead, he walked through that door effortlessly, knowing he was no longer solid.

“Is he in pain?” Jack asked with a tight sob, trying so hard not to break.

The nurse shook his head. He had tears in his eyes too. “No... he’s not...” he promised, holding back sobs himself. “What do you wanna do?”

Almost without truly thinking about it, Jack let out another small sob. “I wanna hold him,” he stated, pushing past the other man and walking right through Pulitzer who shook his head in disbelief and followed the sad young man into the dimmed hospital room.

“Spirit... please, show me something else,” Joseph begged.

The spirit only tilted its head beneath its dark cloak, as if it was confused at the request. The scene did not change. Pulitzer was forced to watch Jack desperately shake his little brother away. “Baby... baby, open your eyes... please?” he whispered, already gathering the child up in his arms, even before David even finished unhooking him from the machines.

The machines that were no longer making a difference.

“Spirit, show me no more!” Joseph cried, his throat tightening as those blue eyes hardly even slid open.

“J’ck?” the child breathed weakly, curling loosely against his big brother’s chest. “JJ...?”

“Yeah, baby... yeah, wake up f’r a minute, okay?” the young man asked as he was able to cradle the small child after all the wires and tubes were taken away.

“‘m I goin’ home?” the child asked, his voice weak, but hopeful, almost as if he truly believed that was what was happening.

But Jack shook his head head, letting out another sob. “No! No, we’re goin’ ta Santa Fe! We’re goin’ ta ride the horses n’ run through the fields n’-“ he was holding fast to that small boy who was clueless to the situation.

“n’ I-I g-get ta b-be outside...” the child’s voice was like the wind. Pulitzer tried to reach out for him, to try and help, to do something to fix this.

Jack nodded vigorously. “Yeah! Yeah... no more bed... I’ll be there every night n’ we can make s’mores and sit around the fire n’ tell stories n’ everythin’ will be just fine...” he promised, even more tears coming to his eyes, even as he tried to smile through them. He tried to calm down, to be strong for the baby boy that lay so still in his strong but shaking arms. “We’ll be okay... you’ll be okay...” he tried to convince the boy, and himself.

The old man stood mere inches from the broken pair. He shook his head. “Tell me what to do! I’ll do it! Just don’t let that boy die!” he begged the spirit who still did nothing. The spirit was by far the most difficult yet, not to mention the most frightening.

The child, brought up a shaking hand, clearly wanting something to grasp. Jack shifted him into one arm and then wrapped his fingers around the boy’s small palm. “J’ckie?”

Nodding, Jack sniffled. “What, baby? What?”

“Do I make you sad?”

If there was anything in the world that could break the rock that had somehow encased Pulitzer’s heart, it was that small, broken question of a boy who still had so much to share with the word.

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head, crying even harder. “No... no... you make me the happiest man alive, Tyler James... ain’t nothin’ in the world I want more ‘n you n’ me t’gether...” he swore, his voice breaking at the end. His legs were shaking, just as the rest of his body was. “Ain’t no one ‘r nothin’ I love more ‘n you...”

The child’s bright blue eyes dropped heavily as he let his big brother thumb over his palm and wrist. “But you’s cryin’...”

Jack shook his head again and leaned down to rest his forehead on his baby brother’s. “Shhhh...” He moving to press a kiss to the boy’s hairline as he sunk down to his knees and rocked the child back and forth. “Ain’t nothin’ or no one I love more ‘n you...”

The boy was clueless, but Pulitzer couldn’t decide if he was truly in the dark or took after his brother in his skills of pretending; pretending that everything would just be okay tomorrow.

They couldn’t do much else.

“I’m tired, Jack...” the boy whimpered, swallowing hard. His small torso moved so harshly with every small gasp he took.

Whimpering just the same, Jack responded sadly, “I know, kiddo... just stay awake a little longer, okay?” he asked quietly, rocking the boy back and forth in one of his arms as he carefully grasped the boy’s hand and held it beneath his chin.

The nurse stood by watching, another man was standing in the open doorway, watching the scene just as sadly. He looked completely heartbroken, just like the rest of the room.

“Why?” Pulitzer shook his head and sniffled as he watched those blue eyes slid shut. “‘m sleepy, bubba...”

But Jack gripped him tighter. “I know, but I j’st need ya ta stay awake a little bit longer! Please, Tyler! Please just stay awake a little bit longer!” he begged, his tears too much for him.

But the man standing in the door way rushed forward, limping as he did so. “Jack...”

“Don’t make me do this, Charlie,” Jack begged quietly, subtly brushing over his baby brother’s ear, covering it as he spoke and tucking the other one to his chest. “Tell me what to do! There has to be somethin’! There has ta be someone!”

The other man looked to the nurse for help. And David blinked away the tears. Pulitzer kneeled down beside his assistant and the helpless child in his arms, reaching out to touch the boy’s forehead and gasping as his fingers brushed over those blond locks.

Tyler inhaled through his nose, turning into the odd, soft, but unfamiliar touch, only cracking his eyes open for a second. Joseph’s heart stopped when that boy looked right into his eyes. He looked so hurt, only just for a moment, before his eyes slid shut again and he curled further into his brother’s chest.

“Jack... you have ta let him sleep...” David whispered, gripping at Jack’s shoulder.

Charlie nodded, wiping at his eyes. “He’s had enough, Jamie... let him go...”

Jack froze for a moment as all hope seemed to drain straight from his eyes as these two men who Pulitzer knew nothing about told him that he had to let it be over. It hurt. It hurt to watch. It hurt to hear. It hurt to know it didn’t have to be this way. It hurt to know that Joseph could’ve done something to stop it.

The young man sniffled, brushing over Tyler’s hair and leaning down again to kiss his baby’s head. “You’re my everythin’, Racer... you know that?”

The tired boy sighed and buried his face in his guardian’s sweatshirt. “Merry Christmas, my Jackie...” the boy whispered.

Taking in a trembling breath, Jack lowered his head. “Merry Christmas, my angel...” he answered, his voice hardly more than a whisper. He leaned down even closer to his baby brother’s small ear. “I love you, Tyler James...” he breathed.

The child relaxed completely into his grip, “L-love you...” the child responded as the grip he had on Kelly’s fingers weakened, soon going completely slack. His breaths grew shorter, until they continued no more. Those blue eyes hid completely until the end of time.

And Jack screamed.

The invisible old man shook his head and cried right along with the artist as he screamed and cursed the world, cursed God, for giving him something so precious and perfect, and ripping it right out of his arms. “Spirit... why would you show me this? Why do you torture me?”

The spirit had not yet moved from its place beside the bed. It remained silent as Joseph had trouble tearing his eyes off the scene in front of him. Jack screamed and rocked the limp boy in his arms desperately, unable to truly breathe as the two young men tried to get him to let up his grip.

Jack shoved them away and held tight to Tyler James who lived no more.

James Kelly looked up, over his brother’s head. And just as his brother had before him, he looked right at the old man who had thought he was invisible. Pulitzer recognized the blame in those normally calm, kind eyes.

It was his fault. It was all his fault.

Pulitzer cried. Tears spilled down his face for the first time in what must have been years. Jack fought hard. He held that body tightly against him until more people rushed in through that door to hold him back as that child was gently taken from his arms.

The young man fell to his hands and knees in complete agony, punching the ground as hard as he could as the rage and sorrow filled him up so quickly.

Pulitzer couldn’t hear him screaming. But he could feel the helplessness.

Suddenly the walls vanished around them. The solid ground became sort grass and the bed became a stone. A grey, dull tombstone that did the boy who lie beneath it no justice at all. The joy and eagerness of that boy could never be expressed again.

In Loving Memory of Tyler James Kelly. Taken too soon, a son, a brother, and a light. December 11th 2013- December 25th 2020

The young man gripped at the grass, staring at the thing as a light rain poured over him, in a raincoat that surely would not protect him for very long. Flowers lay beside the grave, a single letter, a small teddy bear, and a race car, rusty and dirty and used. “I told ya I wan’ed ta be rich... I told ya we’d be rich n’ we’d go ta Santa Fe n’ neva’ have ta worry ‘bout nothin’... n’ we neva’ had that... we neva’ had nothin’...” Jack croaked out, holding back sobs. “A-all I had was you...”

All Pulitzer could do was sit and watch. “No... no! I won’t let it happen! I won’t! I’ll change! I’ll-“

A shriek cut him off. He covered his ears quick at the ear piercing sound. He closed his eyes as the noise rung around in his head.

Then everything stopped.

Joe cautiously opened his eyes as the cloaked figure stood directly in front of him raising its shaky hand and pointing at something behind the old man. So he turned slowly.

In a matter of second he saw his young, broken assistant wither away before him. In a matter of seconds he saw what must’ve happened in a matter of months.

The young man didn’t sleep. He didn’t eat. He drank more than Pulitzer though possible and never left his bed. He began to smoke, experienced and easily, like he’d come back after quitting for many years. He got thinner fast, always had bags under his eyes and never answered the door.

Not even to the nurse or any friends who begged him to just let them in.

In a matter of seconds Joseph watched his assistant lose all hope, lose himself and lose his will to live.

And suddenly he was back in a graveyard, staring at another gravestone just beside the one that he’d just seen.

James Francis Kelly. November 16, 1995- May 19, 2021. He’s back with his angel.

“Not him... Spirit... not them... I beg of you, no! Show me what I can do! Tell me there’s something! Tell me these shadows can be changed!” The Spirit hovered over those gravestones, cocking it’s head grimly at the loud request. “Why won’t you speak?!”

In one swift, sharp movement, that spirit pointed with a strong arm. There was a force that made the old man turn, shocked at what he saw.

“Katherine...”

The young woman stood a ways away from him, standing solemnly over someone’s grave. Though, she had no tears in her eyes. Someone stood beside her. Someone Pulitzer did not recognize. A man.

“I’m sorry for you loss, Miss...”

She shook her head and crossed her arms, her hair blowing in the light wind as she simply stared down at the tomb. “Don’t be. He’s been gone for much longer than it says here... I came to terms with it a long time ago...”

The man nodded and watched as she placed some flowers beside the grave. White orchards. Joseph’s heart dropped. “No...”

“Goodbye, Father...” she whispered, pressing her fingers to her lips and pressing a kiss to them before placing her hand on the top of the stone.

Pulitzer rushed around to see it for himself, not believing it. But there it was.

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. His own name carved into that stone so dauntingly, with little else on it. “Joseph Pulitzer...” he read, a sob escaping his lips. “Spirit, I don’t want to die,” he stated, his voice shaking. “Please! I’ll change! Please tell me I can change this! Tell me what I can do!”

The spirit lowered its head, beginning to fade before his very eyes. “Speak to me, dammit!” he cried, completely desperate.

He tried to stand, to grab at it, to ask questions, to plead more and more.

But he couldn’t move.

His knees began to sink into the ground. It was like quicksand. Joe gasped, pulling at his legs that wouldn’t move. He sunk quickly into the soft ground until he found himself buried in his own coffin. “Please! Please, I’ll change! Please don’t let me die! Katherine!”

He pounded on the ceiling of the box, feeling tears trail down his cheeks, making him shiver and sob even more. “I’ll change!”

“Look to yourself...” a voice rasped. “Look to yourself, before it’s too late...”

All Pulitzer could do was scream.

Wow. So. There’s that.

I’m... I’m so sorry...

[ratwrites]

Lies In Paradise 2/2

Requests.

Masterlist.

Prompt/s: "I don't need a babysitter."

Summary: Sam stays with (Y/N) after the Jinn attack.

Warnings: Lil angst? Fluff

Pairing: Sam Winchester X Reader

Word Count: 3,987

A/N: Not gonna lie I totally lost interest in this ;-; So this is just a little quick happy ending thing. I'm working on some other things to get my creative juices flowing. Trying to write through my block

[[MORE]]

I carried her outside panic clenching hard on my heart while guilt tugged at my gut. This my was fault... I shouldn't have let her go alone. She was limp in my arms as I carried her to the impala. I glanced back spotting Dean close behind me. In one arm he held a young boy and in his other was a girl about her size. The boy was wide awake while the girl seemed a little out of it. I carefully opened the back door letting Dean slide his load in first. I didn't want to let go of her.

"Come on Sam, we've got to get them to the hospital," Dean growled. I convinced myself to let go setting her in the back seat. The other girl gently laid her across her lap. I gave her a nod of thanks before closing the door and getting into the passenger seat.

.

I sat in the hospital waiting room with Dean. My arms rested across my knees allowing my head to hang. My mind was racing. I shouldn't have let her go alone. I ran a hand through my hair the panic still holding onto my heart. I couldn't calm down. "Dylan?" My head shot up. Dean and I jumped out of or seats and headed toward the doctor.

"How is she? Is she alright?" I asked, nervously.

"And how are the kids?" Dean added.

"They're all doing fine. You found them just in time. If your friend or the girl would've lost anymore blood there would be nothing to help them," he explained, calmly. I let out a sigh of relief my heart relaxing a little.

"Their parents have been called. Thank you both," the doctor added, bowing his head.

"May we see her?" I questioned, running a hand through my hair again. The doctor nodded before walking away. We followed after him until he stopped outside her door.

"You check on her, I'm going to check on the kids," Dean said. I nodded and went into her room. To my surprise she was awake.

"Hey Sam," she rasped, turning her head toward me.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, coming to her bedside. I stood only for a moment before pulling a chair over. She coughed, looking away for a moment.

"Little tired, but I've had worse," she chuckled, roughly. Her voice was weak and hoarse. I frowned slightly.

"I'm so sorry-"

"Don't start." She cut me off. I tilted my head in confusion.

"It isn't- your fault Sam," she said. I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off.

"I let my guard down when I saw the girl. That was my mistake," she explained.

"But I-"

"Sam, I went alone because I wanted to. It isn't your fault. I can see it in your eyes- you're blaming yourself... And you don't need to," she finished. I breathed in to speak again but silenced myself as her hand gently rested over mine. Without thinking I shifted intertwining our fingers.

The softest smile I'd ever seen crossed her perfect lips. The panic left me and was replaced with warmth. I stroked her thumb with mine taking a monent to scan my gaze over her face. She was paler than she normally was, but the color was slowly returning to her cheeks and face. Her eyes sparkled even through the dull color that currently occupied her eyes. Her smile held sending butterflies into my stomach. Only one person had ever made me experience such happiness in the roughest times. My heart sank slightly. She was another fine example of how people got hurt around me. I slowly released her hand looking away.

"It's funny... The Jinn showed me everything I've ever wanted.." She huffed, looking up at the ceiling. I turned my gaze back to her.

"What did it show you?" I asked, curiously. She let out a puff of laughter.

"I had my family.. I was married and I lived a normal life as an art teacher..." She sighed, sadness crossing her expression. I stayed silent.

"I had everyone.. My sister, my brothers, my dad, Dean..." She hesitated. "You."

I raised my brows in surprise. My curiosity continued to grow as did my hopes. I'd tried to bury the feelings I had for her, but everytime I thought I was in the clear she'd do something else to remind me of how perfect she was. I'd wanted to tell her for a long time, but I couldn't.

"We had a dog," she added, laughing again. My ears caught at we. We? What did she mean we? When she says married.. Did she mean us? I tried to clear my head. Her eyes met mine and I held it.

"I wanted to stay honestly.." She murmured, looking away her smile fading.

"I had everything I ever could've had..." The question pushed at me.

"Why didn't you?" She looked back at me catching my gaze again.

"I-" she looked away for a moment before catching me again.

"I saw a little boy... When- when I grabbed him I heard..." she hesitated.

"Heard what?" I encouraged.

"I heard you.. Yelling for me.." She continued. My heart stopped.

"I could hear you for a split second calling out to me..." I didn't know what to say so instead I waited.

"I couldn't leave you, which is ironic because you tried to stop me from going too," she huffed. I couldn't help myself as I reached forward taking her hand in mine once more. She squeezed my hand lightly. Her face was sad and it broke me.

"Plus, apparently Dean didn't give me my bracelet and I couldn't live without that damn thing," she giggled, trying to lighten the mood. The sadness on her face only faded a little.

"Damn right you couldn't. You never take it off for christ sake." Dean's voice startled me. I wasn't sure how long he'd been there, but I didn't really care. He came to stand next to me resting a hand on my shoulder. I didn't let go of her hand and she didn't pull away.

"How are ya kid?" Dean asked, calmly.

"I've been better," she said, coughing briefly. Dean chuckled.

"Both of the kids are going to be okay. The little boy is actually going to be discharged in the morning. The Jinn barely got anything out of him before we got there," Dean explained, looking back at the door.

"What about the girl I saw when I got there?" She questioned, sitting up a little more.

"She'll be released in a week or so, but we can get you released now if you want," Dean replied. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Get me the hell out of here. I hate hospitals," she pleaded. I frowned looking up at Dean.

"Maybe that isn't such a good idea. We've got a long drive ahead of us and you need to rest," I countered. She frowned playfully at me.

"I can sleep in the car, plus, isn't there an angel back at the bunker?" She corrected. She had a point. Cas could definitely get her back on her feet in a matter of seconds.

"I'll go get the discharge papers then," Dean said, before wandering out of the room. I turned my full attention back to her looking her over again.

"Are you sure you want to do this? You shouldn't really be up and about so soon." I was concerned about her. She rolled her eyes.

"Help me sit up, will you?" I stood from the chair pushing it aside. I gently reached behind her splaying my hand along her back as she began to sit up. My other hand was braced on her shoulder to steady her. She seemed to tense under my touch which was odd. She shifted with a grunt swinging her legs off of the bed. A nurse entered the room with Dean on her heels. The nurse frowned, but began to unhook her from the machines, silently. I stepped aside taking my place next to Dean.

"Are we sure about this?" I questioned, glancing at my brother.

"She said she wanted out so that is what we're doing. I agree Sam, she shouldn't be going anywhere, but I can remember being in her position and I didn't want to be stuck in a bed either," Dean replied, eyeing her.

"Your clothes are in the drawer miss, and the bathroom is just over there," the nurse instructed. She nodded in response digging out her clothes. Instinctively I moved to her side gently taking her arm and helping her toward the bathroom. Once inside I stood in the doorway.

"You gonna stand there or close the door?" She spoke, drawing me from my blank state. My cheeks flushed a light shade of pink as I backed up closing the door. I sighed and walked back over to Dean.

"I hate it," Dean said, suddenly. I glanced over at him giving him a confused look.

"She shouldn't of had to go through that. Coming out of a Jinn's trance is hard," he explained.

"She shouldn't have gone alone. You should've gone with her," Dean continued, blame evident in his voice. The guilt bit at my gut again causing me to look down at my feet. The bathroom door opened drawing my glance. She was wearing the same clothes that were dirty from the warehouse. Dean approached her offering her his arm.

"Shall we?" She hesitated casting a weary glance my way before reluctantly taking Dean's arm. He began to lead her and I followed behind at a sulking pace.

.

The drive back to the bunker was quiet. She'd fallen asleep about an hour in which gave Dean time to call Cas. I stared in the side mirror watching her sleep behind my seat with her head rested against the cool window. Her face held the same expression it did when we found her. I looked away watching the road ahead as we pulled into the bunker's gravel driveway.

Dean drove the impala into the garage parking it. I unbuckled and reached over the seat resting a hand on her knee. I shook it gently. I swiftly let go as she shot up from the window with a gasp.

"Whoa easy," Dean said, looking back at her. We got out of the car and I helped her. She leaned against me as we walked allowing me to guide her steps.

"You okay?" I asked, gently. She didn't answer only leaning harder against my side. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder keeping her safely locked against me as we walked. I understood her silence. I'd learned the hard way not to push the matter if she didn't want to discuss it.

Cas met us at the entrance to the library taking her from my side and sitting her down in one of the wooden chairs.

"Can you heal her?" Dean questioned, knowing full well that Cas could. Castiel nodded.

"I'd like to look at the full extend of what the Jinn did to you if that's alright," Castiel began, placing his hand on her forehead. She nodded her approval closing her eyes. We watched in silence as a dim light glowed from his palm. I could make out the movement of her eyes under her eyelids. Cas was reading her. Her grip on the chair tightened suddenly before her eyes shot open with another gasp. Castiel pulled his hand back. I took a worried step forward, but paused. Their eyes met and a sympathic look crossed Castiel. Cas sent me the same glance for a moment rising more questions in me. What did he see? Why did he look at me? What scared her?

"Relax for me again," Castiel ordered. With a shaky breath she closed her eyes again. Castiel repeated the same movements except this time the color returned to her face and cheeks. He backed off again and her eyes opened. Their bright color had returned as well.

"You should get some rest. You may feel unwell for a day or two," Castiel suggested. She yawned clearly not going to argue.

"Cas, can I talk to you?" The angel looked toward Dean and nodded before following him out of the room. She stood from the chair swaying a little on her feet. I didn't ask as I took my place at her side again offering her my arm to help her walk. She took it without hesitation.

I walked her to her room and opened the door for her. I helped her to her bed sitting her down. I had to try.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, quietly. She shook her head before lying herself down. I took that as my cue.

"If you need anything I'm just down the hall," I offered. She didn't respond. I left her room closing the door behind me. Castiel met me outside my own room which was just down the hall from hers.

"Sam, it would be wise to give her some space," Castiel encouraged.

"After what she has gone through and what she has seen it would be unwise to push your presence on her," he added, almost as if he was threatening me. I let out a sigh.

"Can you tell me what she saw?" My mind replayed the things she had said in the hospital, but I still had unanswered questions bouncing in the back of my mind. He shook his head firmly before walking away. I went into my room closing the door. I was tired. I dropped stomach first onto my bed not bothering to make myself comfortable as I very quickly drifted off.

.

I jolted awake to a loud cry and a thud. I snatched my gun from under my pillow and ran from my room searching for the noise. My eyes were tired with sleep, but I forced them open alarm going through me. The cry sounded again signaling that it was from her room. I moved swiftly and quietly down the hall my gun drawn and ready. With one movement I opened her door. In the dark I could make out her form on the floor sitting with her legs drawn up to her chest.

I entered the room sitting my gun on her dresser. I dropped down in front of her and reached out for her. She jumped and scrambled back for a moment. I could make out the fear glazing her eyes. "Hey, hey, it's just me, you're-" I grunted as she lunged forward her arms sliding around my neck. Her face buried itself between her arm and my neck. I stayed on my knees wrapping one arm around her lower back and the other across her shoulder blades. Her body trembled against me. I pressed my face into her shoulder rubbing my thumb against her lower back.

I didn't speak as I held onto her taking in the moment. She'd never clung to me like this before and it was odd. After a few minutes she slowly began to let go. I didn't want to, but I followed her lead. I stood up helping her back onto her feet. She sat on the edge of the bed taking her face in her hands. I stood in front of her staring down at her.

"Are you okay?" I asked. Shock washed over me again as she reached out and gripped my shirt pulling me to stand between her parted legs. She wrapped her arms around my lower back burying her face into my shirt. I hesitated for a moment before letting my arms fall on her shoulders tucking her closer. She shook her head against me giving me an answer to my question. I rubbed circled into her left shoulder blade hoping to calm her down. She was still shaking against me.

"I keep seeing it..." she muttered, into my shirt. She pulled back letting go of me. I followed. Her eyes met mine.

"I keep- I keep seeing it everytime I close my eyes..." she repeated. I placed myself next to her on the bed positioning myself so that I was facing her.

"Seeing what?" I asked.

"All of it... The life, the people... the escape." A chill ran up her spine at the last words. I stayed silent showing her that she had my full attention. She gulped avoiding eye contact.

"Everytime I close my eyes I see my family, my dad and my sister.. And I keep seeing your mom and dad... Along with you and Dean," she began. I was surprised that John and Mary were in this, but I didn't say anything.

"I keep seeing my sister happily married to.." She paused the anticipation of her answer tugging at me.

"To Dean..." I raised a brow.

"I keep seeing..." she paused again looking in a different direction.

"It's alright," I encouraged, carefully taking her hand in my own. She squeezed my hand a little.

"Us.. I keep seeing us," she said, finally. I tilted my head. Her gaze suddenly met mine in an intense stare.

"We were married Sam," she blurted, tears stinging her eyes. My own eyes widened in surprise my grip on her hand loosening.

"Oh God..." She choked. She stood up pulling away from me.

"I tried so desperately not to... but after I saw that, I can't just forget," she continued, turning to face me. I didn't move from the bed still shocked by her words.

"We were so happy Sam... and I- and I gave it up," she sobbed, turning her back to me again. I slowly stood realization hitting me. She left because of me. She had the perfect life with everything, yet she left it to come back to me.

"You begged me not to go... But I couldn't. He wasn't Sam, he was just- just a dream." Her voice cracked causing my heart to clench.

"So I-" she paused again. I took a few steps toward her. Her hands came up to rest near her collar bone.

"So I slit my throat.." My heart dropped. Dean hadn't ever told me how he managed to wake up from the trance. I suppose when you die in a dream you wake up. She turned to face me once more her head hanging low and her shoulders trembling with each sob. I came forward until I was in front of her again. I reached out and pulled her close trapping her against my chest. Her hands stayed curled between our bodies as she cried.

The feelings I had buried were surging back tenfold. Her fingers tangled into the fabric of my shirt. I continued to rub circles into her back until she relaxed her sobbing calmed down.

"What's going on?" Dean's voice suddenly called. She pulled back from me looking at Dean who stood in her doorway.

"I- I had a nightmare, that's all," she muttered. Dean's cold stare met mine.

"You okay? I know it can be rough after something like that." Dean stayed at the doorway.

"I'm fine." she defended, taking a step back. Her body brushed against mine.

"Best thing to do is to go back to sleep. Yes, you'll probably have another nightmare, but the more you sleep the faster it wears off," Dean explained.

"I can stay with you if you'd like?" Dean suggested. She turned and walked away from the two of us sitting down on her bed. I turned my back to Dean watching her.

"I don't need a babysitter," she warned, looking away from us. I glanced back to Dean who was staring daggers into my back.

"Alright, if you need anything yell." Without another word Dean left. My heart ached for her. Dean was her best friend, yet she was pushing him away. The silence in the room was overwhelming. I had so many questions and so many things I wanted to say, but when I opened my mouth all of those words stayed trapped in my throat.

"Dean's right... I should just go back to sleep," she muttered, looking down at her feet.

"You need to rest anyway, Cas said you shouldn't be up and about for a few days," I agreed.

"I- I'll let you-"

"Please don't leave me," she whined, her head shooting up to look at me. I stared at her for a moment. She'd told Dean she didn't need someone to watch her, yet she was asking me to stay.

"Please." Her voice was so soft. My mind trailed back to what Cas had said to me. He'd warned me to stay away. Screw him. As I walked back to her bed she slid further onto it making herself comfortable on her side. We'd slept in the same bed pleanty of times, but this was different. I sat on the bed leaning my back against the headboard. She moved closer almost snuggling herself against my leg. After a moment I couldn't contain myself. I slid down onto my own side facing her. She flipped the covers over me trapping our bodies under them.

"You don't- have to do this... I understand if what I told you..." She paused.

"If what you told me...?"

"Makes you uncomfortable." She thought that I didn't care about her. She thought that the feelings she had were one sided.

"No, no it doesn't." I had to reassure her. I scooted closer pulling her to me. I draped one arm over her side locking her in.

"I'm glad you told me," I murmured, catching her weary gaze.

"I know with this job, this life, we are supposed to keep the ones we love far away. We can't afford attachments... But I can't keep you away. I can't keep pretending like these feelings... These feelings don't exist," I admitted. Her eyes widened.

"You aren't the only one who has been burying things.." I finished. The silence that fell between us was comforting. Our eyes never left each others.

"Sam I-" she hesitated. I opened my mouth to question, but was stunned to silence as she suddenly moved capturing my lips with hers. Butterflies exploded in my stomach causing me to kiss back. My eyes slid closed allowing myself to take in everything. I'd wanted this for a long time. She shifted her position keeping us together as she pushed my shoulder. I followed her silent comand and rolled onto my back taking her with me. Her upper body rested on mine her arm bracing herself on my chest.

Our kiss finally broke leaving both of us breathless. I opened my eyes to look up at her. Her hair hung down over her shoulders almost touching my face. I reached up brushing a section of it behind her ear. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead causing me to lean upward into it. She moved back shifting her position until her head rested over my heart. I let one arm slide further up her back holding her close against my side. One of her hands lightly gripped the fabric of my shirt while the other took my free hand intertwining our fingers. I could've sworn I was melting under her touch. She snuggled closer causing my heart rate to flutter. She giggled tiredly her ear resting directly over my heart. "Relax Sam, I don't bite," she yawned. My cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

"You should try and sleep," I mumbled.

"I'm trying, but your voice is rumbling my entire head," she pouted. I couldn't help but chuckle. She raised her head for a moment giving me a playful glare before laying her head back down.

"Thank you for staying with me Sam.." She yawned, taking one last moment to cuddle against me.

"Anything for you," I replied, letting my own eyes slide closed.

Forever Taglist:

@rosierosieelain   @xaviersmutcnt @raindrops-on-roses142

[killerwhitequeen-blog]

Black Cloud (Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor x reader)

Anonymous asked: Hi! I aw that requests are open and was wondering if you could do a Roger Taylor one where the reader has amnesia and they are on a relationship and the reader doesn't remember. It can be angsty or fluffy, completely up to you!

A/N: I decided to go with both angsty and fluffy, hope you all enjoy, feel free to give criticism. Tbh this one is sad gamer hours so have fun with that

Warnings: Parent Death (brief mention), drunk driving, swearing.

The day had been off to a bad start for Roger, with Freddie making him redo his perfected drum solo a multitude of times, the skin on his snare tearing, having an argument with Brian over how convoluted his songs were and of course, not being able to see you.

You were stuck in work that day, with people you disliked and customers you detested, on your feet, for eight hours straight. Breathing out a sigh you cracked your neck, letting the vertebrae down your spine pop with it, feeling an instant release from some of works tensions.

You didn't know what would happen later but you had a sinking feeling in your chest whenever you thought about the walk home. Roger was unable to pick you up that day, busy with prior engagements, like the trip to the pub the band had been promising Fred for months. You understood completely and were actually looking forward to a nice quiet walk home before settling on the settee with a cuppa and watching mindless drivel on the TV before a good, deserved nights rest. But the storm cloud brewing in your stomach would not calm, it could not be satiated until the deed was done.

You called the boys before you left work that night, wanting to hear Rogers voice before he became mindlessly drunk, the phone picked up on the second ring.

“Yuh huh?” you heard Roger moan down the phone, obviously annoyed that he was the one to have to pick it up.

“Oh what a lovely way to greet your girlfriend Roger, really something to write home to mum about” you said sarcasm practically dripping from your voice.

“(Y/N) Fuck, I'm so glad you called, I've had the worst day imaginable... but you know what would make it better?” you could nearly hear him wiggling his eyebrows through the phone, making you giggle.

“No Roger, look, I only called to say, I'm leaving work now to try and get back home before it gets dark”

“Okay sweetheart, do you want to say hi to the guys before you go? We all miss you terribly” you laughed at his horrible attempt at a posh accent before giving your affirmation.

“SAY HI TO (Y/N)!” You heard Roger call through the studio and suddenly harsh footsteps were heard from the other end of the line.

“HI” all three boys shouted at once making the phone to your ear rattle slightly from the sheer force of the vibrations.

“Hiya boys” you paused for one second before saying “now ive really got to go Rog, I love you all and Ill see you soon, love you the most Rog, see you tonight right? No sleepovers at Brians, I dont care how drunk you get, I want to see you tonight”

“Bye (Y/N)” the lads yelled, rattling the poor landline once again.

“Bye love, I promise I'll see you later, I love you more than anything princess, bye” he mumbled so the others wouldnt hear him.

“bye” you said, putting down the handset and reaching for your bag, the sinking feeling in your gut getting worse by the minute.

You decided to take the front door out of work rather than the side, opting for visibility on the main road rather than taking the scenic route back to your flat. First mistake. You decided to look to the ground whilst walking. Second mistake. One minute you heard gravel crunching beneath your feet and in a split second you heard nothing but a blood curdling scream that you realised was ripping though your own throat. All you could see was black, the dark was so dark you could hear it, maybe even taste it but you weren't sure if that was the dark or the taste of your own blood filling your mouth.

You awoke in a sterile room, that looked like it had been scrubbed floor to ceiling so many times the plaster was ready to fall off of the foundation. You went to cough, suddenly aware of the thick tube that had been shoved down your throat, you gagged around it, throat closing up in protest to the intruder before you felt it being pulled out by the gentle hand of who you assumed to be the nurse but when you looked up you saw a man with a mop of blonde hair and striking, crystal eyes. Dressed in a simple blue linen shirt that was half buttoned and tight black trousers.

He looked at you as if you had just created the world and given it to him on a silver platter.

“You're awake! They said you wouldn't wake up for another two days at least. I missed you so bad princess” he exclaimed, grabbing your hand and just as his lips where about to graze your knuckles, you screamed. And you screamed bloody murder, it go so high to the point where you were pretty sure only dogs could hear you.

Your eyes darted around the room looking for something to throw at the man in front of you, before landing on the bed pan on your bedside table. Gripping it tightly in the hand that wasn't hooked up to any machines, you swung for the stranger in front of you. Or who you at least thought was a stranger.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP” you screeched, your throat sore and scratchy, whether that was from the tubing or the screaming, you were unaware, but you knew that you wanted this man far away from you, you were only 18 and this guy looked around 30, if not slightly younger, but still weird.

“(Y/N) darling what's wrong?” he looked so hurt by what you said, you almost felt bad for the guy.

“I DON'T KNOW YOU! WHY ARE YOU HERE?” you saw the sheer pain flash in his eyes before he slumped into the chair beside you, looking as if the world you had given him was burning and crumbling before his eyes.

A dazed nurse walked over to you, so you assumed it was the small hours of the morning. “What seems to be the problem Mr . Taylor?” she asked the man sat in the chair next to you and all he did was point at you before his features broke completely tears tearing down his face at an alarming rate.

“I don't know who that is” you whispered to the woman, afraid to upset the man more though you did not know why you worried, or why your heart ached for him in the way it. A sinking feeling filling your stomach like a dark storm cloud stretching throughout your insides.

“Thats your boyfriend miss (Y/L/N)” she said to you “I'll call for the doctor” she mumbles to the sad stranger.

When the doctor finally come into the room you had been sitting with the man for around fifteen minutes, him weeping into his hands, looking up at you every once in a while just for you to stare blankly into his crystalline eyes making him sob even more. The doctor checked you over, shining lights in your eyes and all other kinds of bullshit you didn't take the time to remember, you were too busy trying to memorise “Mr . Taylor's” face .

“Roger” the doctor said in order to stir the man too deep in sadness to think of much else. “She has amnesia, it should begin to pass in a few weeks but you're going to have to help jog her memory. You can take her home now, make sure to bring her in weekly for a check up on her stitches okay?”

“uh... yeah definitely, I definitely will thank you doctor Phillips.”

The doctor turned to you and started unhooking you from the machines before helping you to your feet.

“Thank you” you mutter, an unexplained guilt still filling you whilst thinking of the sad stranger.

You let 'Roger' lead you out of the hospital and into his car, Wheel in the sky by journey playing faintly through the radio and you could've sworn you had deja vu of a moment just like this from a few years ago, a man with a blurry face sat in the drivers side singing his heart out and you told him you loved him. The memory was gone as soon as it appeared and your head spun from the concentration needed just to look around the car.

By the time you were at Rogers flat, his tears had dried but he was still snuffling his nose as if in an attempt to suck the emotion back into his body. “well we're home (Y/N)”

“I don't know this place” was all you could weakly whisper in response before stepping out of the car and towards the towering block of flats in front of you.

Stepping into the cramped flat you're hit with a wave of nostalgia, making you weak in the knees, Roger holds you up by your arm pits and leads you over to the sofa in the centre of the room allowing you too fall back onto it.

“You alright love? Do you need anything? Water? Crackers? Cheese on toast? Say the word and im on it okay? Just ask”

“Tell me about “us”” you say gesturing over the 'us' with air quotes and pointing to the seat at your side.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything Roger” that was the fist time you had said his name since the incident and just hearing it made him smile radiantly, the sun should've been ashamed to shine compared to the glowing smile of the man next to you.

“Well, I'll start with what actually happened a week ago eh?” you nodded at this suggestion.

You were walking home from work alone, I couldn't come to pick you up, and you were all alone. You were just walking on a clear patch of pavement when a driver swerved due to being drunk at the wheel. Majority of the blow hit a lamppost next to you but you also took some of the brunt, you were knocked out cold (Y/N), christ as soon as I found out I ran to the hospital to see you but they said they had to induce a temporary coma due to blood on the brain. I didn't know how long I could last without you princess, you keep me level headed and I love you for that... we all do; me, Brian, Fred, Deaky especially. I need you with me always my love you keep me sane.

“I'm so sorry I wasn't there when it happened baby, I'm so fucking sorry” you sighed and took his hand

“I might not remember you right now, but I know that what happened was not your fault and you have nothing to be sorry for” you said with a conviction which your voice had not had yet that day, you knew this man was good inside and out.

That week people came to the flat to visit you, never remembering peoples faces had a tendency to make them cry. Roger continued to tell you stories throughout the time some beginning to jog memories like the angelic car moment.

We had our first kiss the first time we met, it was at a shitty uni new years party, at least it was shitty unil I saw you. You took my breath away angel, when you spoke you had the voice of a songbird, and your body... fuck it was difficult not to just ask you for a cheeky shag to be completely honest. It reached midnight and I saw you stood alone so I took my chance and asked if I could kiss you. You had been drinking beer and I could still taste it on your tongue it was heavenly. That's when I decided I wanted to take you out, do things properly date.

Roger broke the news to you that you were in fact twenty-seven and not eighteen like you though you were. He broke the news to you that your mother had died a few years prior of breast cancer. He told you how much he loved you and slowly but surely you returning to normal, remembering small details as he told a story, even the mundane ones where you would be reading in one corner of the flat with him writing songs in the other, staring at each other every once in a while eyes just filled to the brim with love.

He reminded you of all the arguments.

All the love.

The first time you told him you loved him.

The first time he said it back, nearly six months later.

He hid nothing from you and it worked wonders.

One morning you woke on the bed with Roger not lying beside you, confused you stepped out of bed, before remembering your accident, the amnesia, the pain you put roger theough.

“Babe?” you called as you stepped through the flat towards the sofa and when Roger looked at you, he already knew you remembered, there was no slightly vacant look behind your eyes. You had returned to him, his baby had returned to him and he could hope for nothing more.

He jumped off the sofa wrapping his arms securely around you and holding you tightly, he wasn't going no lose you again not now, not ever.

“(Y/N) I was working up the courage to do this before the accident, looking for the perfect time but I've now realised there is no perfect time there is only the now and we're lucky if we get that so (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N) will you marry me gorgeous”

You gasped softly at the look of adoration of Rogers face as he held and you nodded, holding an onslaught of tears.

“Yes, Rog, a thousand times yes”