#so i am TEARING UP. crying even. trying not to lose my combo....

[autism-corner]

most stressfull minute of MY LIFE.

[ribcages-and-bookpages]

Marvel; James Buchanan Barnes x GN!reader

(Old one shot)

James was your boyfriend, but you hadn't even slept in the same bed yet. Why? He had nightmares often, and didn't want to wake you, and was paranoid when you were asleep, afraid someone would came take you away from him, so he'd stay awake all night, then in the early morning fall asleep on the couch. It was the weekend routine.

Right now, you two were arguing about him sleeping at night, you didn't know why he wouldn't sleep. And you assumed something was wrong with you, the bed, the room, or the apartment.

"It's not- that!" He huffs, pacing around the connected living room kitchen combo, as you sat on the counter, legs dangling, as you argued with him

"I'll fix it! Whatever it is! I just want you to sleep! Next to me.." you say softly the last part, and his eyes flicker to you, feeling guilt slip in

"It's nothing...you can fix." He says, giving a heavy sigh, a breath he didn't know he was holding in. He ran a hand through his long hair, pushing it out of his eyes as he gripped it for a moment, then let go as your eyes looked at him

"What is it?, Is it me? Am I the problem?" You ask, disheartened. He felt his heart drop into his stomach. You...thought you were the problem?

He didn't lift his head and made his way to you in a quick march, then put his hands on either side if you, gripping the counter. A small noise being made as his metal hand scratched the surface, leaving some scratches in it. He gripped the edge of the counter, and finally raised his head to look at you.

You'd never seen him look so broken

"So it is-"

"It's me." He says, finally, dropping his head again, onto your shoulder this time, his breath tickling your collar bone. You blinked in confusion, your brows knitting together as you raised a hand to rest on his head. "It's you?" You ask softly, trying to get more information to try and help.

He gave a shaky sigh, nodding a bit

"Yeah..." He says softly, but didn't seem to get the hint you wanted to know more. You gently brushed your fingers through his hair

"What do you mean, hun?" You ask, softly, and he shifted a bit, quiet as he tried to get the courage to speak.

"I..have nightmares most nights. I...am terrified someone's going to take you from this world, I'm afraid, my past will come back to haunt me, and you. Just the thought of losing you is-" his voice cracked slightly, and you gently shushed him and wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders.

"James, honey, none of that will happen." You say softly

"You have Steve, and he has the Avengers. I'm as safe as I've ever been in my life, especially since my boyfriend is a really hot super solider" you tease, causing a small hum to leave him, you knew he was blushing though.

​​​​​​You grabbed his cheeks with your hands and gently lifted his face to look at you

"And whatever happens, we'll face together. Me and you." You say, and this seemed to strike something in him, and tears welled up in his eyes, but he closed them before they could fall, his arms gently shaking on either side of you

"Ah! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry!"

"Im..not crying..." He huffs, sniffling and turning his head away. There he is. A smile made it's way onto your face, and you wrapped your legs around his torso

"Is that so? Well, maybe I should distract you from this, not crying." You tease, and you physically felt his body heat up as you slid your hands gently up his shoulders, then rested them there. He looked to you, nervously, licking his lips, that were slightly chapped at this point- not drinking water all night while awake will do that to a guy.

He gently moved his hands and slid them across the counter onto your hips, moving to bury his face into your neck

"You're plenty distracting already, trust me." He mutters, earning a small laugh from you

"Is that so?" You hum, then slid your hands to his hair and began to play with the ends of his long hair with your fingers. He gave an almost inaudible grunt, nodding very slightly when his voice failed seemed to fail him. You laughed queitly and gently stoked his hair

"Well, before I distract you too much, let's have you get some sleep. Just a nap." You say, smiling softly as he raised his head to look at you. He had such dark circles under his eyes ..poor thing. He gave a small nod, a hint of a smile on his tired face.

You gently put a hand on his chest and pushed him back, so you could stand. He let you, and then offered you his regular hand, nervously, his cheeks probably warm from the action, but you didn't want to embarrass him too much and have him forget about the nap.

Gently grabbing his hand, you lead him back to your bedroom, letting go and crawling into your favorite spot on your bed and getting under the covers. He sat on the side of the bed you preferred him on, and started taking off his boots, only for you to hug him from behind and his brain seemed to stutter, as he went to untie his boots again, but realized he had already done that. He hung his head a bit, giving a small nervous chuckle. Earning a small laugh from you.

Raising his head again, he took off his boots and shifted as you moved back to your spot, patting the spot directly next to you. He hesitated, then moved there, and got under the covers. He laid on his back, one hand behind his head, the other going around you. Sure you'd been together a while, but you were going at HIS pace. He's damaged, and shy sometimes, and you weren't going to make him more damaged.

You moved and laid your head on his chest, wrapping an arm lazily across him, and intertwining your legs with his, causing a content hum to leave you, and a smile to flicker onto his face. He pulled you closer, and soon, fell into a dreamless sleep, but that's because he was so tired he just immediately went into a deep sleep. You on the other hand, watched over him for a bit, before falling asleep your self.

[purple-babygirl]

First of all… who told you that you could toy with my heart over your latest work: SamBucky and the injuries Little. Talk about the angst but fluff. Just mwah!

But will all that angst especially with Sam and Bucky��they are just a perfect combo, btw. I now am needy for angst to fluff (oops��). All I can think about is an insecure little who think that her daddies don’t love her after a misunderstanding, so she pack up her things and runs away. (But a happy ending is ensured) when Sam and Bucky are able to find her

Love you.

Pairing: SamBucky x little!f!reader

Word Count: 2,796

Warnings: polyamory, ddlg dynamics, a dash of angst, and a pinch of fluff

A/N: Hello, Nonnie! Thank you for reading, and thank you for sharing this idea with me and allowing me to toy with your heart over it!💜💜 I was a puddle writing this one. I'm really sorry if this took me too long; I hope it's to your liking and I love you too *ghost kisses*💜 please enjoy xx

~~

unwanted

“That's enough. Go to your room.” Sam demanded angrily, looking down at the cheerios covering the kitchen floor that he now would have to clean up.

“Papa-”

“All you do is cause trouble and I'm done! To your room, now!”

She's been bad again. It was the third time this week. She has been disobedient and impatient. Whenever Papa and Daddy told her to do anything she somehow managed to mess it up. Sam had told her not to touch anything but she wanted to help nevertheless. She couldn’t reach the cupboard though and ended up spilling the box of cereal all over the place.

Her gaze dropped and she walked to her room without another word and a few minutes later, Bucky came to give her lunch and collect her phone and tablet, taking away her screen time for the day.

“But daddy-”

“No, doll. I'm taking them away. You never listen anymore and it needs to stop.”

Papa and Daddy are mad at you. They don't love you no more. They're sick of you. You never listen and you're always bad. They could be so much happier and calmer if it wasn't for you always riling them up. They were done. It needed to stop. They don't love you no more. They don't want you no more. They don't love you. They don't want you.

She sat wallowing in her room, tears gathering in her eyes as her own mind attacked her. Maybe it was all true. All she does is cause trouble.

So maybe if she left…

She got up and got her big girl backpack out of the closet.

Maybe if she left Papa and Daddy would be better off without her.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she gathered and pushed items into her bag.

Maybe if she was gone they would be less angry.

She zipped the bag up before sloppily slipping her socks on and picking up her stuffed friend.

Maybe if she escaped the house she could escape her thoughts too; leave them all in her room and go.

She wiped her cheeks, tiptoed out of her room, found her shoes by the front door and quietly got into them. She could hear Daddy and Papa lowly laughing together while they got things done in the backyard. Leaving really was the right decision then; they were happier without her.

Taking one, last, tear-blurred look at the house, she stepped outside and quietly closed the door behind her. She held her small white bunny to her chest and sniffed before taking off, walking to the only place that would bring her comfort.

~

“She's going to be so happy. I can't wait to see her face.” Sam smiled proudly, hands on his waist as he took one last look at the swing he and Bucky have put together for their baby girl in the backyard.

“I really hope she likes it.” Bucky smiled back in agreement before opening the door for Sam and walking inside behind him.

They felt they were too hard on her that morning and she was usually a good girl, only intending to do good for her Daddy and Papa. So they decided to build the swing earlier than they’d previously planned to lighten things up again.

“Is it just me or is it awfully quiet in here?” Bucky murmured, bringing the water bottle down from his mouth and looking around the living room in slight suspicion.

“I mean, she is in a timeout and you did take away her phone,” Sam reminded him, trying not to let himself panic as he got himself a water bottle from the fridge.

But it wasn’t that. Bucky could still hear her presence no matter how quiet. He could hear her crayons gliding on paper when she would sit down to color. He could hear her hum as she organized her toys around the table for tea parties. This quietness wasn’t normal.

Bucky jogged up the stairs to her room and just as he feared, she wasn't in there. Her sandwich was untouched. Her closet was open and her backpack and favourite blankie were missing.

“Sam!” He called for his husband, taking long strides to their bedroom to find she wasn't there either.

Sam ran up the stairs at Bucky's freaked tone and saw him pacing through the hallway.

“She's not here.”

“What?” Sam’s heart sank into his stomach.

“I can't find her.” Bucky shook his head at Sam, running his fingers through his hair in growing panic.

“Hey, calm down. We're gonna find her.” Sam rubbed a hand down Bucky's back, trying to hide his own fright for Bucky's sake as his mind ran to every single place she knew how to get to on her own.

“How? How are we gonna find her? We don't even know where she went or if she's okay-”

Sam put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, the other cupping his cheek.

“Hey, breathe,” Sam instructed, slowly breathing so Bucky could copy him, trying to send away the panic attack ready to take over him. Bucky nuzzled his palm, his breath coming out shaky.

“That's it, Buck. In and out.” He moved his hands to Bucky’s.

“But she was so little when we sent her to her room and she probably doesn't even have any ID or money with her-”

“Bucky,” Sam squeezed his husband’s hands.

“We can't lose her, Sam. I can't- I took her phone away- if she's in trouble, she won't be able to-”

“Bucky, baby, we're gonna find her and she's gonna be okay. I promise.” Sam reassured him with words he himself wasn't sure would turn out to be true, his large palm stroking up and down the tense muscles of Bucky’s back, “I need you to keep breathing for me.”

Bucky tried to manage his breathing, slightly calming down to the thought of getting to hold her again.

“She couldn't have gotten that far, so we're gonna look around and I'm gonna call Steve, okay?” Bucky nodded at Sam's words, glossy eyes closing as Sam planted a kiss to the side of his forehead, “okay, baby. Let's go.”

~

Sam took the car, driving slowly, roaming the neighborhood to see if she was anywhere around the area. He was asking anyone and everyone who passed by his car if they've seen her. But apparently, no one has. Not even the old couple at the end of the street with the dog she loved to pet so much.

Bucky chose to go on foot as he walked in the other direction, preferring to depend on his enhanced senses instead of talking to other people. Even if he did talk to them for help, no one would understand that while her picture looked like that of a grown lady, she was a mere baby. They would never understand their panic.

Sam rubbed his forehead in frustration, leaning it against the wheel. He’d just hung up with Steve. He said she didn't come to his place; didn't even stop by. In fact, he hasn’t heard from her at all and got worried when Sam called. He took an uneven breath, trying to maintain his cool before he lifted his head up and started the car again.

~

Leaning back on the big tree, she wrapped her soft blankie tighter around her frame. It was getting kind of chilly and she was starting to regret leaving now that it wasn't that sunny anymore. The tears drying on her cheeks made her shiver even more and she sniffled, kissing her bunny's head and tugging the stuffed animal under her chin. She hoped Daddy and Papa were feeling better now that she was no longer there with them.

“Doll?” She heard Bucky's voice and before she could wonder if she'd imagined it, she was pressed to a hard chest.

“Oh, thank god,” Bucky sighed, kissing the side of her head over and over again, his hands tight around her back, holding her and her bunny close to his frantically beating heart.

“Baby, why'd you leave like that? We were so worried! We looked everywhere, we called everyone.” Bucky kissed her forehead a bunch before “-oh right!”

He got his phone out of his pocket with one arm, the other still firmly holding her to his chest. She kept holding onto her bunny, not really getting what was happening. Was she in trouble for leaving unannounced or not? Why would Daddy and Papa want to find her? She was nothing but trouble.

“Sam, I found her! We're in our secret place in the park.”

At Bucky's call, Sam took a sharp turn, stepping on the gas to get to the park as fast as he could.

“Are you okay, doll? Are you hurt anywhere?” Bucky asked her after hanging up, anxiously checking her head, face, arms and legs for injuries.

She shook her head silently, fresh, hot tears burning at the brims of her eyes.

“Thank god.” Bucky hugged her to his chest again, “we were so scared, doll. We were so scared.”

He kissed her damp cheeks and chin as she kept biting her lip, quietly sniveling.

She'd scared them. She'd worried them. Why was it always that she did something wrong while trying to do anything right? She was no good.

“It’s okay, love. I found you. I’m right here.” Bucky kissed her eyelids, then her nose, thinking she was crying because she was lost alone.

He pulled her on his lap and adjusted himself in her place, his back to the tree trunk as he held her close, fearing she’d disappear if he were to loosen his grip around her.

“Sugar!” Sam’s voice echoed through the empty part of the park when he saw her burrito-wrapped body in Bucky’s lap.

“Papa’s here, doll. It’s okay.” Bucky whispered to her when she didn’t stop crying.

She turned around and her eyes met Sam’s watery, brown ones.

“Hey, sugar,” Sam greeted softly, getting down on his knees before her.

Her lower lip jutted out further as new tears soaked her pretty face. It hasn’t even been a whole day and she’s missed Papa and Daddy so much. How was she ever planning on running away from them or being without them?

“Aww, no, no, baby, it’s okay,” Sam cooed, bringing her to his chest and engulfing her in a protective hug.

Her blanket fell in Bucky’s lap and she dropped her bunny to cling to Sam, barely quieting her sobs.

Not able to hold himself together any longer, a tear escaped Sam’s eye his gaze met Bucky’s. He buried his nose in her hair and squeezed her closer to him, sighing in relief that they’ve found her. His mind kept torturing him with scenarios of her getting hurt and not getting help. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if they’d actually lost her.

“You’re okay, sugar. Papa’s here with you. I’m sorry it took us so long, baby. We were looking in a lot of places.” Sam sniffled, pulling back to pepper featherlike kisses all over her face.

“You wanted to find me?” Her small, brittle voice asked, doe eyes staring up sadly.

“What? Of course we wanted to find you, baby! Why would you think otherwise?!”

“But I was bad. You w-were done. It needed to stop,” she repeated his and Bucky’s words on him and Sam felt shame cover him from head to toe, Bucky not any different as he bit down to stop his tears.

“Doll,” Bucky went to hold her hands only to find they were freezing.

“Shit! She’s too cold,” he told Sam, who immediately started taking off his jacket.

“Dada, bad word,” she softly reminded Bucky, covering her mouth with her hand before Sam got out of his jacket.

Sam slipped his warm jacket on her and pulled the zipper up, her small hands disappearing inside the long sleeves.

“Good girl, sugar. It is a bad word.” He rolled the sleeves back just enough to get her palms out so she could still hold her bunny.

“But you don’t see me asking daddy to leave because he was bad, do you?” Sam asked tenderly and she shook her head no.

“Exactly, I’m not. You know why?” Sam pressed kisses to both of her hands multiple times, rubbing them between his palms to warm her up.

“Why, papa?” she asked as he carried her in his arms; Bucky gathering the rest of her stuff.

“Because I love him so much." Sam wiped her tears. "And both me and daddy love you so so so much, sugar.” He pressed a firm kiss to her temple.

Bucky handed her the small bunny back after patting any dust or leaves out of it.

“We never want you to go, doll.” Bucky pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

“Even when I’m really really bad?”

“Even if you’re really really bad,” Sam guaranteed, kissing her temple again.

“But- I thought papa and daddy would be happier and not so angry no more if I left,” she mumbled innocently as Sam started walking to the car with her in his arms.

“That could never be true, doll. We’re only happy as long as we have you,” Bucky reassured her, opening the backseat door so Papa could slip in with her on his lap.

“And you still love me?” Her pout, teary puppy eyes and words were just killing both men inside.

“Of course we love you, doll! We will always love you. We can never afford to lose you,” Bucky told her, his eyes searching hers to offer them comfort.

“Baby, we love you so much it’s uncountable, remember?” Sam ran his thumb over the knuckles of her stuffie-holding hands.

She nodded, her eyes teary but her smile comforted and reassured. “I love you too, Papa,” she mumbled, grabbing onto Sam’s thumb, her eyelids barely staying open.

“I’m sorry I left,” she sniffled.

“It’s alright, baby. We’re all together now and we're going home.” Sam kissed her forehead once more, wanting her to forget all about it and know everything was okay again.

“Told you we’d find her,” Sam said, drawing Bucky inside the car by the cheek and brushing his lips against his.

“You did.” Bucky nodded, pressing his forehead to Sam’s and kissing him again.

Bucky pulled back and smiled adoringly at her sleepy eyes fighting to stay open as she leaned onto Sam's chest before getting in the driver’s seat to take them home. Sam was caressing her hair and before she knew it her eyes were fluttering closed.

All the crying all day had drained her and her body could finally give up and relax now that she was in Papa’s hold; she was out like a light.

“You’re so important to me and daddy, sugar. Never ever forget that,” Sam whispered against her forehead before pressing a slow kiss to her skin.

She might've had no idea how adored and cherished she actually was, but that was okay. Sam and Bucky had a lifetime ahead of them where they could show her again and again that they loved and needed her just as much as she did them.

~

“Dada! Papa! Wake up! We have a swing!”

She’d fallen asleep pretty early in the car last night and neither Sam nor Bucky had the heart to wake her up when they got home. So they took her shoes and socks off and tucked her in in their bed.

Now they had to deal with her waking up way too early. She’d gone to the bathroom on her own like a good girl before her stomach hungrily grumbled. And when she got to the kitchen for a cup of water and maybe the plate of fruit in the fridge, her eyes fell on the swing showing outside the small window on the kitchen door.

Bucky rolled over and opened his eyes first, her jumping on her knees on the bed beside him pulling him out of his dreams. Sam, however, didn’t move a muscle. The man slept so soundly that sometimes Bucky was jealous. How heavy of a sleeper could a person be?

“Yes, we do, baby.” Bucky chuckled. “Me and papa built it just for you.” He smiled sleepily at her excited face before annoyingly poking Sam’s back, “Sam, wake up.”

“Tank you, dada.” She settled back on her ankles though still buzzing with joy.

“You like it, sugar?” Bucky opened his arms wide for her.

“Yes, I love it.” She nodded happily before perching herself on his hard chest, cutely kissing his jaw, “and I love you, dada.”

“Sam.” He affectionately punched his sleeping husband’s shoulder, smirking when he heard him groan, “she likes the swing.”

[iznsfw]

Hi, could you please write a Minju smut mixed with angst with the line "the more fun it gets, the more she fears of losing it"?

Water Under The Bridge

IZ*ONE's Kim Minju x Male Reader Smut

How do I say this… I fucked up big time with this one. I don't know how to write angst properly, so I hope this is okay. If it isn't… I really don't know how to fix that for you.

Enjoy nevertheless. Assume any trigger warning applies.

"Minju… Minju, look at me. Look at me. I'm sorry. Please believe me, I really had nothing to do with it."

"I know."

"No, you don't. You're crying. You don't believe me at all."

When she lifts her head from the crook of your shoulder, Kim Minju lets out a soft sniffle. She wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her light green hoodie—no, it's yours, which only makes it more painful—and kisses your cheek.

"I know."

The answer is repeated in a soft shaky whisper. Her eyes swim with tears that sparkle even in the night. "Just, just don't talk for a while, please?"

You can do that, but if she had told you to stop crying, that would be a whole other discussion. The tears just keep coming no matter how much you try to hold them back.

Part of you finds it funny that even through the tears you share, Minju still manages to keep her riding steady. Her hips keep meeting yours, your cock slipping in and out from her hole. Moans and whimpers cut off by sobs are heard from above you, along with squished sounds of wetness. But there's more reason to cry than laugh. Much more reason.

Minju gives you another reason to moan out her name again though: her hips bouncing up and down at a steady pace, wetness coating your cock from tip to base, lips that trail from your neck to your face. Such a combo causes you to grip onto her waist and thrust up into her core, guiding her movements to bury your cock deep within her.

She whines softly. While her tears flow steadily, her wetness is also abundant, leaking out of her tight pussy like a waterfall. She bites her lip as she orgasms for what seems to be the seventh time; her thighs quiver and shake while her tears mix in with sobs.

"If only you, hah, loved me as much as you loved sleeping with me."

Your heart feels heavy. "I do love you, Minju. More than anything I do."

The storm outside brews harder. Following its intensity you pound your girlfriend harder, lightly slapping her ass while spreading her legs even more. Guilt fills your being as you realize your actions debunk your words, just as you fill Minju with more of your cum.

"T-Then why did you sleep with her?"

"I didn't. It was—"

"Don't fffucking lie to me." Minju slips her hand underneath her jacket to squeeze her own breasts, then trails it down her slim body to rub her clit. "I- oh my god, I saw you with Chaewon. I know what you did with… her!"

What? No, she can't possibly know about that. Minju was at home, watching—

"The two of you fucking each other's brains out in Wonyoung's room. How dare you, doing that horrible thing in her room of all places? That almost makes me angrier more than I am at you cheating on me."

"Minju, I'm so—"

"Don't talk right now. I'm almost there."

Minju's breathing becomes even more labored. The look in her face is gorgeous: the pleasure slowly creeping in and taking her harshly. Now her arms are tightly wrapped around your neck, her pert nipples prodding against your chest as girl cum is squirted all over your girth. Minju's scream almost defeats the volume of the boom of thunder outside.

"B-But don't worry about it, oppa. I forgive you," she says to you with a smile. "It's all water under the bridge."

±

She stands over the water under the rain, tears rolling freely down her face.

The skies are gray, and the clouds seem to have settled in the air in wispy mists. They don't disappear no matter how much it rains, no matter how many raindrops scatter on the ground and create black splotches, no matter how the storm patters down on Minju's transparent raincoat even as her own storm forms deep within her.

A storm of rapidly changing emotions and troubles that comes out in fat tears leaking from reddened eyes.

It took a lengthy walk to get out here, especially with the weight on her shoulders. Yet she has braved through it like with everything she's gone through in her life. She doesn't know if she should feel proud, considering what she feels and what she's done.

Out here where the storm never stops, the dreams never come true, the sun never rises. Despite the bleakness of everything, Minju cannot help but feel that it's the perfect place to do it.

However, she does not know if she is ready. Has she really thought this through? Maybe there's other places to do it, or a better path to go. She isn't sure if she's doing the right thing.

Oh, but she never is, isn't she?

If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently

She holds the source of all her pain in her arms, carefully placing it on the rails.

She wonders if she should let go already, seeing as she's been standing here in the rain crying for so long. Eunbi might worry about her again. Even Yuri, who likes to tease and bug her about everything, would go looking for her.

Don't pretend that you don't want me

And she does. She wants it so bad, but she knows she should let go of it. It's been holding her back for too long, too much. There's no use in faking that she is confident in doing this, or if she really wanted to do this at all.

Our love ain't water under the bridge

But for Minju, her love is a body under the bridge.

She lets him go. He splashes onto the water, falling facefirst into the waves. He floats away quietly, just as Minju returns home in silence as dead as he is.

[saeyoungchoismaid]

Line Without a Hook

Pairing: Leviathan x gn!reader Genre: Angst, Fluff, hurt/comfort Warnings: none Summary: Dating Leviathan started out fine but slowly goes downhill because of his insecurities. Can he win you back after pushing you away or is it too late? Word Count: 1.7k words

A/N: THIS WAS WRITTEN BY THE LOVELY @cyberbunny33​ AND ALL CREDIT GOES TO HER. I simply proofread and edited it :)

“"She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy"

He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook"”

A slew of emotions spark inside Leviathan when he feels your head rest against his shoulder. His body stiffens, trying to suppress the ever-growing blush as it travels up his chest and to his pale cheeks. His hands shake as his grip on the controller tightens.

“(Y/n)! Don’t try to distract me with your normie tactics!” Leviathan bellows as he attempts to focus back on the screen in front of you two. 

“Distract? Who, me? Never,” you giggle back as you lean further against his shoulder, smirking to yourself as you get in a quick combo to throw his character off their feet. This throws him into a panic as he shouts at his character to get up while you happily hum, punching in another combo and follow it up with a projectile.

Your ‘yes!’ and his ‘no!’ harmonize for a second as your fighter strikes a cool pose, ‘winner’ appearing across the screen. You jump up and celebrate your first, and probably final, victory of the night.

Levi whines as he stares at the screen and turns to complain about you distracting him. He freezes though, his sunset eyes gazing at your dancing figure. Your laughter is music to his ears and your smile appears brighter than the sun. He doesn't notice the small smile crawling onto his face the longer he stares at you.

*

That was the night he confessed.

On accident, but it was a confession nonetheless.

A few months later, you wondered if he truly did love you like he claimed…

*

It’s not something you thought much about. You know Levi had a deterrence towards being touched. In general and in public. Public display of affection was just something he's not comfortable with. It had nothing to do with you. You accepted that when you first met him and when you accepted his confession.

But like any normal person in a relationship, you began to crave his touch outside the safety of his room. You wanted to show him off. You wanted to kiss him and hug him and hold his hand on the way to RAD or in front of his brothers, but anytime you reached for his hand or tried to give him a hug, he would recoil and move away from you, telling you off for being so clingy and for acting like a normie.

One time, he even asked if you wanted to fight when you reached out and tapped him on the shoulder. 

You thought by now that he'd also have that craving for touch and intimacy, but it also seemed like he was quickly losing interest in being alone with you because any time you initiated something, he would move away or dismiss you. The more you reached out for him, the farther he would move away from you. It made you wonder; was he ashamed to be seen with you? Did he realize you, a human, weren’t worth his time?

You didn't know that he was having the same thoughts. Was he, a yucky otaku obsessed with 2D women and games, worth your precious time? Would he be able to live up to your expectations of being a good boyfriend? What if he did something wrong? What if he made you uncomfortable? What if he did something and you began to hate him and avoid him? He wouldn't be able to handle the thought of you hating him.

He pushed you away for that reason. Afraid that you would realize he wasn't worth your time. That if he indulged in you, you would leave, leave him for one of his brothers. He'd be a wreck without you.

He wanted nothing more than to reach out to you. You had no idea how much willpower it took him to keep his clammy hands to himself, to keep his emotions and desires in check. That tiny voice in his head wouldn't leave him alone, dancing around as it told him that you're too perfect and he's nothing. You deserve so much more than a pathetic otaku like him, but he was selfish and refused to let you go. He wanted you to stay. He needed you to stay with him.

*

His eyes are wide the moment he sets his sights on you. 

You had left in a hurry during your weekly game nights so he came looking for you when you wouldn't answer your phone. He wasn't expecting to peak into your room and see you under your covers, sobbing softly into your pillow. He stops breathing as he fully enters your room, closing the door behind him before taking a breath and slowly advancing towards your bed.

“(Y/n)? Was—Was it something I said?”

It breaks his heart to see your tear-stained face when you pick it up and turn to look at him. Lovely and bright eyes now bloodshot and glassy. “If it was something I said then I  take it back,” he says as he rushes to your bedside. You shake your head as you sniff, trying your best not to look like even more of a mess in front of your hot demon boyfriend. 

“It's not what you said, it's what you didn't say and didn’t do…” you reply in an unsteady tone.

“Do you not love me anymore?”

“Wha—?”

“Do you feel shame every time we’re seen together?”

“N-No! Of course not—!”

“Then why won't you show me any affection! Why won't you let me hold your hand or hug you or—”

Levi lunges forward, crashing his lips against yours in a slow yet passionate kiss. Your eyes flutter closed as Levi fights the blush that burns at his cheeks. He fails when he feels your plush lips kiss back feverishly. His tail pops out unannounced, wagging as your hands come up to cup his face, his own hands having a tight grip on the sheets that have pooled around your waist. You pull back first, panting softly as Levi stares at you with a red face. 

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that…” Levi admits in a sheepish voice as he attempts to hide behind one of his hands. 

“Why didn't you? I've been trying to kiss you for the past month,” you whisper, afraid that if you spoke too loud, you'd ruin the moment and scare the serpentine demon away.

“I didn't think you would want to kiss a gross, yucky otaku like me,” he answers, “I thought that you would realize that I'm not the demon you deserve and leave me for one of my brothers like Asmo or even Satan.” He shrinks down as he speaks, shame and guilt weighing down on his shoulders as he thinks back to how often you would try to initiate something between him and yourself.

He avoids looking at you, opting to stare down at your bedroom floor. His eyes are only drawn to you at the sounds of your sheets shifting around. His blush returns when he sees you silently pat a spot next to you. Slowly, he crawls onto your bed and takes a seat next to you, his scaly tail wrapping itself around your waist. His cheeks burn brighter as you let out a soft chuckle.

“I don't think you’re ‘yucky,’ you know…” you murmur softly as you turn to face him. “Why do you think I agreed to date you?” 

Leviathan doesn't have a good answer for you. You had a point after all. Why would you agree to be his lover if you didn't have an interest in him to begin with? The more he thought about it, the more his guilt began eating at him. He neglected you. In the most horrid way possible too. He didn't just neglect you. He blatantly pushed you away and acted like he was disgusted by you all because he doesn’t think he deserves your love and affection. 

Your sweet voice brings him out of his toxic thoughts. “Levi, stop,”  you sigh as you cup his cheeks and turn his head to face you. Your gentle hold pushing the nasty storm clouds around his head away. “Please. Your self-loathing is what got you here. I love you, Leviathan. Nothing is going to change that. I'm not going to leave you for your brothers. I don't want them; I want you.”

His mouth falls agape. An uncomfortable stinging coming to his eyes as he bites his lip. Before you could see the tears, Levi throws his arms around you and buries his face into the crook of your neck. He's blubbering out apology after apology, begging you to forgive him for not trusting in you or talking to you about his insecurities.

You two sit there for who knows how long, holding each other, and finally indulging in each other's presence and touch. Levi had stopped sniveling some time ago, feeling a wave of drowsiness hit him after he was done crying. You fell asleep after he stopped, melting into his chest. He doesn't move, wishing to let you sleep after the whole ordeal, but he can’t sleep sitting up so he carefully moves the both of you into a lying position. Using his tail to grab your covers and pull them over your shoulders.

He lies across from you, gazing at your peacefully sleeping face. His cheeks gain color once more, feeling both embarrassed and grateful to have you forgive him after all he's done to you. He reaches out and gently caresses your cheek as he thought of how lucky he was to have you. He vows then and there to be better, to show you just how much he really loves you. If those nasty thoughts come back, he’ll go to you and talk to you instead of pushing you away. He promises to do the same for you. Because he needs you.

“I love you, (Y/n).”

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MASTERLISTS

Credit to the lovely @cyberbunny33​

More with Levi

Tag List: @katelynwithpaint​, @buzzybeebee​, @officialdevorak​, @thesoftkittylexy​, @jungialo​, @fanfictwarrior​, @ohbbobeyme​, @zeldan7​, & @otome-otakuwu​ ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

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[acanthodii-phobia]

hey sorry if this is so sudden but i’ve been feeling so down lately and can i just get the turtles comfort reader (they/them pls) bc they think they can’t do anything right? rottmnt as well pls

Of course! :) And I'm sorry you haven't been in the best place recently.. I hope the turtles and I can help ease your thoughts a little. Things will get better, and many things in your life will change over time - the bad is only temporary that way, even if it doesn't feel like it. Right now you're at your strongest, and I now you can and will get through it!

We believe in you. 🐢🐢🐢🐢

(RoTTMNT) Comfort Oneshots X GenderNeutral!Reader PT. 1

Each turtle bro. will focus on something a little different, but overall still what you requested. I hope that's alright. ^^ These are slightly longer than my other posts, so these oneshots will be split amongst two posts. Leo and Raph are in pt. 1, Donnie and Mikey are in pt. 2!

•

Content Warning: The topics discussed won't go into graphic detail, but if you feel like you would get upset by reading about topics dealing with depression or negative thoughts, please do not read for your own care.

•

One-shots will contain:

Y/N - Your Name

Leo:

[Comfort for feeling inadequate, worthless, uneeded & request.]

- They were crying in Leo's bedroom.

- The perfect place, they thought, for some time away from everyone. Y/N knew they were supposed to just be enjoying themselves and having fun; but they couldn't stop that irritating feeling.

- Those reoccurring thoughts of not being needed. Or wanted. The possibility of screwing everything up, and losing everyone they cared about... and it would've just been a waste of their time. Y/N just wasting everyone's time.

- The last thing they wanted was to bring down everyone's night only because of the terrible mood they were in.

- So here they were. Tucked away in the corner of Leo's bed, hugging a pillow and crying. In the dark. While the others were out there completely clueless.

- At least, that's what Y/N thought.

- Leo comes in a few minutes later searching for Y/N, while making unintentionally insensitive and boastful comments about him being better (nothing directed specifically at Y/N, though).

- Hearing Leo's comments makes Y/N cry more, and the moment he sees them he immediately rushes to their side, trying to comfort them and apologising profusely.

- He had a full grin before, expecting Y/N to reply back with another joke, but seeing them like this hurt him in a way he hadn't really felt before.

- "Hey, hey," he reaches out and holds Y/N face. He doesn't force them to look at him though - he just wants them to know he's there. "I'm so sorry, please don't cry. You know... you're just as good of a player as I am - I didn't realise you were taking Mario Monopoly so seriously."

- They shake their head, breathing deeply as they try to calm down.

- "I'm not upset over Monopoly, Leon, but thank you."

- He's confused. "Then... then why are you crying?"

- "I've just been having a lot of... uh, negative thoughts recently."

- Y/N explains how they feel inferior to him and his brothers, but specifically to Leo. They see Leo as this 'flawless, charming, and a jack-of-all-trades' kind of guy. Even though he can be occasionally rude without realising it, he's still so loved by his family and friends.

- "You're just," their breath is shaky as they push their hair back. "...so perfect. You do everything right, and even the times when you do mess up... no one hates you. I feel like I can't do anything right - I'm awkward and can't tell my left from right occasionally. You're important and valued by those who care about you, you're talented and..."

- "...I feel like I can't compete. I'm nothing like that, and I'm so envious of you." Y/N confesses, wiping their face with their sleeve.

- Leo is stunned - he didn't know they felt like this at all. His eyes never leave Y/N - his hands slowly drifting from their face - contemplating on his next move.

- He's not really 'good' at this sort of thing, but because it's Y/N, he wants to do more than just listen. Leo cautiously takes hold of the pillow that Y/N was gripping onto, and places it beside him.

- Leo then pulls Y/N closer to him, hugging them tightly.

- "You're valued by me," he whispers to them. "What you can or can't do... doesn't define your worth. Nothing can really define that. You existing and doing your best is worth enough." Leo leans back and smiles reassuringly. "...And I mess up a lot, too. I'm imperfect just like you, and that is always okay. And you know I'm never wrong~"

- He chuckles as he presses his forehead against Y/N's, reaching up slightly so his snout touches their nose and rubs them together affectionately. Y/N smiles.

- "Thanks... Leon."

Raph:

[Comfort for feeling insecure about vulnerability, thinking they should be stronger/ move on & request.]

- Y/N was watching Raph train in the dojo, admiring his strength and skills from the sideline, perched ontop of some extra mats. They had to admit, that despite his size he was very nimble and fairly noiseless on his feet. His brute force was more than expected, though.

- The guy's built like a tank - It's a very dangerous combo.

- But compared to him, Y/N was pretty clusmy and much weaker than him.

- They do their best to ignore the thoughts that come to their mind, but it was of no use. They weren't strong enough to protect themselves, nevertheless them... what were they supposed to do if they needed Y/N's help? They felt inferior to him.

- But Y/N keeps smiling as Raph shows off.

- However, he caught on quickly - he's able to tell that Y/N's smile isn't 100% genuine. He stops what he's doing immediately and faces them.

- "Hey, Shorty. You got somethin' on your mind?"

- Y/N is caught off guard. "Oh, uh... no. It's nothing."

- Raph looks at them doubtfully. "Are you sure?"

- They nod, denying it in fear of being vulnerable and being shunned away for saying otherwise. Raph gives them one last look before going back to his training.

- Eventually, Y/N quietly retreats from the dojo and runs just a bit outside of the lair to clear their mind. Everything is good for a moment, but they soon start hyperventilating and panicking.

- "What am I doing? Gosh, you look so stupid right now, why can't you control yourself? Calm down... breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe you idiot." They grip onto their shirt, breathing deeply, but it only works them up more.

- It wasn't long until it became difficult to breathe - their chest was tight and their lungs felt shriveled up and blocked off, like they just couldn't get any air in no matter how hard they tried. Tears start falling down their face.

- Raph tracks them down quickly, thanks to his brothers. Deep down, he knew Y/N needed someone right now. Anyone.

- But he really wants it to be him.

- "No, no, you guys just stay here! Everything's fine, I just need to find them. We'll back in a minute!"

- The moment he sees Y/N, his heart stops. There's a deep, weirdly empty feeling of dread that washes over him. He runs to their side without another thought, and does his best to guide them through it. He holds their hands in his, and rubs the back of them with his thumbs, whispering to them.

- "Y/N... it's okay. It's okay." He lets go of one their hands and holds the side of their face. "You're doing great... can you try some breathing exercises with me? Everything will be okay, I promise."

- They're still gripping onto their chest, crying, heaving deeply and erratically as Raph asks this, but the only thing Y/N does is nod.

- "Good," he assures them, smiling. "Now... do your best to follow me, okay? First, pinch your nose and close your mouth, bite your lip if you have to. You're going to hold your breath for a few seconds to start."

- "Perfect - you're doing great, Y/N! Now, breathe in deep through your mouth," Raph does it with them, nodding. "Good, and release through your nose."

- Once Y/N was back to a regular breathing, Raph asks them to explain what was going on, and he wasn't going to take "nothing" as an answer this time.

- Y/N stares up at him, wiping their tear-soaked face, and reluctantly states that they were scared of Raph seeing them being weak and vulnerable, and wanted to be seen as "cool" and strong like Raph is.

- "I didn't want you to hate me..." they lower their head, avoiding as much eye contact as possible. Almost immediately, they start panicking again. "Wait, oh gosh," they heave in deeply as they try to focus on anything, raising their arms instinctively - their surroundings blurring together as their mind races. "No, I'm sorry... you can't see me like this, I'm going to mess things up again like I always do, I-" Y/N tries to run away as the tears build up again, but Raph grabs their arm and pulls them back.

- "Y/N".

- He is very, very gentle with them, talking to them in a low voice. But he wasn't going to let them keep running off and avoiding him.

- "Please look at me." They try, with some struggle. "You are not messing anything up. It is okay to cry, to be vulnerable, and openly express how you feel. I'm... worried to find out who made you scared like this. You don't ever deserve to feel like that, Y/N.

- And you are strong, Y/N - your worth is never going to be based on how much you can lift or break with your fists. Your strength may or may not be in physical strength, but you being here with me - right now - your existence proves you are strong," He brings them into a hug, embracing them snugly. "In a lot of ways, that is much stronger than any physical strength I have, and I am so proud of you."

- He holds their head against him, reveling in the feeling of having them so close to him. He closes his eyes, gently leaning some of his weight onto them.

- "Thank you, Raph."

•

Thank you for requesting. :) I hope you enjoyed!

[eirikaanemo]

My Celebrity Childhood Friend

Warnings: minor character death, sad feels

Venti x GN!Reader

2k Words

Many years ago, when you were eight years old, you had two very close friends. Their names were Venti and Himmel. The three of you did everything together. You were very close. All of you thought your friendship would be forever and that you would always be close. But, unfortunately, that's not what happened.

One day you and Venti received the news that Himmel had passed away. It was really difficult for both of you to accept the reality of his death, grieve, and move on with your lives. In the end, you couldn’t even help each other. Spending time together only reminded you of how Himmel wasn’t there anymore.

Eventually Venti just couldn’t take it anymore. So his family moved out. Losing Himmel had hurt, but losing Venti too reopened the almost healing wound in your heart. He didn’t even say goodbye because he thought he’d chicken out if he did. And so there you were, friendless, hurt, and feeling very, very alone.

Your only solace was in practicing the piano. The three of you had all been learning instruments and playing together before. The idea was to become a band of sorts together and play music professionally. Himmel played violin, Venti played guitar, and you played piano. Playing the piano was all you had left of them, so you continued playing and practicing it.

Years pass and you move on as much as you can. You make new friends and try new things. Piano is still important to you but you do new things now too. But even with all of this, there’s a part of you that left with Venti and Himmel. The hurt in your heart is no longer a gaping wound. Yet the pain has never truly gone away.

Then one day you hear a familiar voice on the radio. That voice and guitar combo sounded very familiar. It was a good song and you enjoyed listening to it, but you just couldn’t get the feeling of familiarity out of your mind. However, once the radio host introduced the song, you immediately understood. “And that was Soaring Bird by The Bard. Venti really did himself proud on this one…,” they continued, but you were no longer listening.

Venti was on the radio! What could this mean? You hurriedly took out your phone and ran a search. There he was, Venti, also known as The Bard, is a singer/songwriter who rose to fame after a stint on a television talent show a couple months ago. Well, what do you know? Your childhood friend has followed your childhood dream.

Part of you feels left behind, but you accepted that had happened years ago. So instead you decided to be supportive! Suddenly you have a new favorite singer and you just have to have all his albums. Physical copies, so you can display them. Your bedroom walls are covered with posters.

You now have more The Bard themed t-shirts than you have regular shirts. There’s a concert of his you can go to? You’re there. You promote him with everyone you know. If you hadn’t converted your friends to the truth of Venti supremacy they probably would have gotten sick of your antics by now. Instead they’re almost as invested as you are.

When he finally releases a new album you are thrilled. It’s been almost a year since he released his last one and you’ve been starving for new content. You are first in line to the store to buy the album and listen to it as soon as possible. Track one through four are fantastic and you enjoy them a lot! But then track five starts to play.

It’s more melancholy and nostalgic than other songs he has written. And then you hear the words. The words touch your heart, soothing and healing some of the pain that has remained. At the end he takes a moment to dedicate it to his childhood friend, to you. Not by name, but you know what he means by “my old childhood friend”. You’re tearing up.

I’m sorry I was too blind to see

That you were suffering as much as me

You were left behind, I was moving on

And you were left to carry on

It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair

That I chose to just leave you there

We’re not really close now, are we

But I just want to say I’m sorry

You listened to it over and over again, crying in your room. Maybe it was stupid but that was something you didn’t even know you’ve been wanting to hear for years. Knowing that he felt bad about leaving you behind and hearing an apology from him meant the world to you.

And it just so happens that the song he dedicated to you is your friends’ new favorite song. If they didn’t know about your history with him before, then they sure know now. You’re still struggling to not cry every time it plays. Sure, maybe some of your dirty laundry was now being aired all around the world. But that wasn’t important.

What was important was that your heart was finally able to heal. You were truly able to feel happy again, for the first time since you were eight years old. Life had color again. There was more of a bounce to your step. Your friends noticed that your smiles even seemed more real now.

So when you learned that Venti would be doing an album signing event, you just knew you had to go. And you knew just which album you wanted to have signed. Now all you could think about was getting the album signed. How would he react to seeing you again? Would he recognize you? You really hope he does. It would really hurt if he doesn’t.

All of a sudden you’re now worrying if this is a good idea at all. Your friends managed to convince you to go, but you were really close to not going at all. And even now that you’re here at the signing you’re half considering running away. But instead you steel your courage and get in line.

You try not to think about it as the line slowly creeps forward. Making small talk with those around you in line might help, but you’re too nervous to even try social interaction. You’re twentieth in line, then tenth, then fifth, then second. Now it’s your turn and you approach the table he’s sitting at to sign the albums.

He’s wearing a white button up shirt, green slacks, and a green beanie with a flower on it. He’s dyed the tips of his braids teal and wears some light makeup to bring out the color of his eyes. You suddenly feel very underdressed as you anxiously walk up and hand him the album.

“Hi Venti,” you say softly. “It’s good to see you again.” He looks up sharply and freezes for a second, wide eyed. “Oh my gosh!” He exclaims, jumping up out of his seat. “It’s so good to see you again! It’s been so long!” You smile, feeling more comfortable and sure of yourself now that you know he recognizes you.

Someone behind him clears their throat and sits back down. “I can’t really talk right now,” he admits, sheepishly. “We don’t want to hold up the line, but hold on a sec.” He opens the album and scribbles something on the inside of the opaque cover. “That’s my number,” he whispers quietly to you. “Text me later, okay? I’ll get back to you when I can.”

You nod and move on, only realizing he didn’t actually sign the case until you were down the hall from where he was signing. Laughing a little, you sit down on a bench and pull out your phone. That was such a Venti-like thing for him to do. Sometimes he would get so excited that he’d forget what he was supposed to be doing.

Opening your texting app, you typed in his number and sent him a message.

You: Hi! Is this the right number? I’m the one you wrote song number five about.

It took a couple hours for him to reply. Which is very understandable considering how he was probably signing albums for a while.

Venti: Yes! This is the right number! It’s so good to hear from you again :)

Venti: And I’m so glad you heard that song

Venti: I really am sorry about leaving like that

You: I won’t lie and say that it’s fine, because it really hurt that you left like that

You: But I really appreciate your song that you wrote for me. I cry every time I hear it

Venti: Oh no! I didn’t mean to make you sad :(

You: Happy tears, Venti. They’re all happy tears

Venti: Oh, okay, that’s good :)

Venti: Want to come eat lunch with the staff and me?

Venti: They’re all really curious about you

Venti: The mysterious childhood friend I wrote a whole song about

You: Sure! How do I find you?

Venti: You don’t! Where are you? I’ll send someone to pick you up ;)

You send him your location and wait around for someone to come pick you up. After a while a nicely dressed woman approaches you and gestures for you to follow her. She leads you to a car and drives you to a restaurant. A waiter takes you to one of the closed off rooms for group events.

Approximately two seconds after the door is closed, you are hug tackled to the floor. Venti cheerfully cheers your name right into your ear. You grumble good naturedly and swat at him until he laughs and gets off you. He offers his hand, you take it, and he helps you stand up. Some chuckles from the staff tell me they’re just as amused as he is by the situation.

This sets the tone for your lunch. It’s lighthearted and you have a great time getting to know each other again. He introduces the staff and they admit they’ve been curious about his childhood friend he wrote a song about. You enjoy eating lunch with them a lot, and all of you are disappointed when you have to go.

You continue to chat as long as you can while preparing to leave. As you’re gathering your stuff to go, you come across the album that he never actually signed. “Oh yeah,” you laugh. “Venti, you never actually signed my album!”

“Whoops! I’ll sign that right now.” He declares. “Though I must admit that I feel a little awkward signing stuff for you.” Finishing writing with a flourish, he hands the album back to you. “But I guess I better get used to it,” he continues. “You better bring the rest of the albums next time!”

Your smile is so bright that he has to squint for a moment.. “I’m looking forward to it already.” You say. “See you later?” He beams right back. “Yep! I’ll let you know the next time we can meet up!”

The grin stays on your face all the way home.

You meet up whenever you can after that, though your schedules don’t always match up enough to allow it. Video calls are common when he goes on tour. It’s like the two of you never split. And eventually your friendship becomes something more.

“Hey, could I ask you a question?” Venti asks you over a video call one night. He’s acting a little funny, nervous with a dash of hope and excitement. “Would you like to go out with me sometimes? Like a date?” You chuckle, amused. “Venti, you’re on tour right now. It’s not like we could go out to dinner or something.”

“You’re right that we can’t go out to dinner together, but we could eat at the same time over a video call! I’ll even call and order food for you or something!” Venti plans. “Sure,” you agree. “I think I’d like that.” He pumps his fist in the air. “Yes!” He shouts. “I’m gonna make this the best long-distance date ever!”

And so he does.

[qitwrites]

⬅ Previous || 19 || Next ➡

It isn’t unusual to see Uraraka in the gym. It isn’t unusual at all to see her going at it against a punching bag, striking it with ferocious jabs and strong kicks, well-paced and well-timed.  It isn’t unusual in the least to see her wearing sweatpants and a sports bra, hair pulled out of her face as she sweats it out alongside her classmates.

It is unusual to see her face scrunched up like she’s on the verge of tears though. It makes something in Midoriya’s gut clench unpleasantly.

‘Hi,’ Midoriya says, wiping away the sweat on his neck with the bottom of his tee shirt. Uraraka simply nods, but her eyes don’t leave the bag. She does a one-two combo move, the bag making a satisfying thump with every hit.

‘Are you ok?’ he ventures, crossing his hands over his chest. He keeps his eyes trained on her face, and his gut twists when he sees unshed tears brimming in her big, round eyes. Uraraka wipes at her face with the inside of her elbow before she goes back to the bag.

‘I’m fine,’ she bites out between clenched teeth, and Midoriya knows she’s not okay. He decides not to push it too much though, instead moving to stand behind the bag and hold it steady for her as she pummels it. He can feel the force of her punches through the material, and her face continues to twist and contort till there are tears running down her face.

‘Uraraka,’ Midoriya finally murmurs, voice low, ‘are you hurt?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘You’re crying, you’re not fine-‘

‘I said I’m fine! Leave me alone Deku, just- I’m fine.’

The last time Midoriya had a gut feeling like this, he’d left Iida alone after his brother got hurt and nearly lost him. The last time he’d let his guard down, Bakugou had been kidnapped from right under their noses. And the last time he hadn’t fought to understand, he hadn’t persisted in his efforts, he’d let go of Eri and allowed her to be in harm’s way, an act he would never, ever forgive himself for. So now, Midoriya has a bit of an issue letting go.

‘We don’t have to talk about it right now,’ Midoriya grunts as Uraraka kicks the bag hard enough to jostle him. ‘But you have to talk to someone. Please don’t bottle it in, you know it’ll only get worse.’

Uraraka stops punching then, chest heaving as her eyes find Midoriya’s, and they’re filled with a plethora of emotions- pain, anger, embarrassment, rage, and so much sadness. They look defeated.

‘I am fine!’ Uraraka growls, thumping both hands against the bag. ‘I am fine because I have no choice but to be fine! Because the moment I stop being fine, I will lose. So, all I can do is punch a bag, shed a tear or two in private, and move on with my life because this is a battle I cant lose.’

‘You don’t have to fight anything alone Uraraka, you have all of us.’ Midoriya gestures at the gym, littered with some of their classmates. It’s not packed to capacity, but there are people around, their good friends.

‘I do have to fight this alone though. And I certainly can’t fight this with you.’

‘I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Please talk to me Uraraka, tell me more.’

‘There’s no point Deku. It won’t change a damn thing.’

‘But I want to understand anyway! Just humor me.’

Uraraka barks out a laugh before staggering away from the bag, her body angled towards Midoriya.

‘Fine, you wanna know so bad? Ok, let’s talk.’

She starts unwrapping her left hand. ‘Did you know that for every article or piece of news that goes up about my heroic deeds or my fighting, there are 8 others that talk about my measurements, which colors suit my skin tone, why I am in desperate need of losing weight, or something along those lines?’

Her right hand continues to methodically unwrap the tape with trembling fingers. ‘Every news channel I go to, no matter where, I have to read about how a female heroes’ love handles were showing while she was taking down a villain. Or how someone’s hair wasn’t perfect while they put their life on the line to do their job. And do it damn well.’

She finally finishes unwrapping one hand. ‘And did you know, that for every article written about your heroics, or Bakugou’s, or Iida’s, of which there are so many more than our female classmates’ by the way, there’s maybe 3 articles about things that don’t concern heroics? And they’re always respectful, not too invasive, somewhat curious.’

Uraraka moves to unwrap her other hand, but her fingers are shaking so bad, she can’t even find the end. Midoriya finally stumbles forward and pulls her right hand into his own, unwrapping it gently. He gives it a firm squeeze, urging her to go on.

‘I know the advice- stop listening to the tabloids, let it roll off your back, it’s not important, it’s not relevant. And I get that Midoriya, I do. I will continue to do my job. I will continue working towards being a hero. I will always do my best to save lives and defeat villains and keep everyone safe. I will.’

Her voice cracks, ‘But I also get tired, you know? I get tired of seeing people talk about me like I’m not even a person. I am so tired of seeing the female heroes objectified all the time. For them to be glorified for their looks alone and not their skills. We’re saving lives too, we’re not here to look pretty. We’re here to kick ass.’

Midoriya finishes unwrapping her hand but doesn’t let go, holding it lightly between his own. Uraraka stares at their hands and continues, ‘I want to be taken seriously. I work just as hard as you guys, and I want to be awarded that same respect but I’m not. And I don’t get to say Hey I’m tired today, if someone is disrespectful or puts me down because I’m a female hero I’ll let it slide because every time I do that, we take 3 steps back. I have to fight this fight all day, every day.’

Uraraka pulls her hand away and sinks down, resting her head on her bent knees. She slowly turns to look to the side, and she has a faraway look in her eyes.

‘I have been stared at since I was maybe 10 years old. And it’s not just me, it’s all girls. All women. We’re just stared at. Doesn’t matter what we wear, what we’re doing, where we’re going. I’m stared at. I could be in uniform, could be dressed to go to the mall or enjoy a day at the beach- I will be stared at. People, and men especially, look at me like I’m a piece of meat. I can feel it on the back of my neck, and yes, I can protect myself, but that fact that I even need to, why is that ok?’

Uraraka finally pauses, inhales deeply and a few more tears slip out.

‘I am tired, Deku. I am so tired. And I will continue to fight this battle, I will continue to stand up for Momo and Tsuyu and Mina and Hagakure and Jirou. For all the female heroes. For all women, everywhere. But I am tired of having to fight that battle in the first place. I’m just a little tired today. That’s all.’

Uraraka exhales deeply, and her entire body deflates. ‘I want to be able to walk out on the streets without my guard up because I’m a woman. I want to walk around wearing what I want and not have to worry about catcalls and judgement. I want to exist without the need to be perfect because when I’m not, it feels like I’m letting so many people down. I just want the freedom to exist as a human being, the same freedom so many take for granted. I want to talk about it, I want all of us to fight for it, I want to achieve it so someday, a little 10 year old girl can walk to her convenience store and not worry about the old geysers around the corner leering at her.’

Midoriya doesn’t move to interrupt her, not once. He listens, he absorbs, he aches. Because he knows- everything she says is true, and he can’t relate. He doesn’t face the same treatment. Granted, he faces his fair share of criticism, but his hero persona Deku does. And it’s usually for the way he fights, how reckless he can be, or sometimes how silly his bunny ears look. But never about his body. Never about his personal life. Never about his measurements, at least not in a sexual way.

And Midoriya has never been stared at, especially in a way that makes him feel small or hunted.

When Uraraka makes no move to continue, Midoriya sits on the floor, legs crossed and hands resting in his lap.

‘What can I do? How can I help, if at all?’

Uraraka mirrors his position, and for the first time since he spoke to her that day, there’s a ghost of a smile on her face. It’s a genuine one too, soft and barely there, but honest.

‘You’re a good guy,’ she says, smiling a bit wider. ‘You’re kind, you’ve never made me feel small or objectified or anything. And you don’t speak that way about other people. You speak in terms of strength, and you acknowledge everyone, regardless of gender or other parameters. You’re doing good.’

Uraraka looks to the side, and Midoriya follows her line-of-sight to see Bakugou doing crunches while Kirishima shouts encouragements at him.

‘In an ideal world, people would think more like Bakugou did during the sports festival.’ When Uraraka sees the expression on Midoriya’s face, she bursts out laughing.

‘I’m not saying we need more Kacchans around Deku, don’t worry,’ she reassures him, still giggling. ‘I’m saying he didn’t hold back; despite the backlash he was receiving. He did his best against me because he knew I was strong, and he took me seriously. We need more of that, of being taken seriously, of being on the same ground as all of you. That’s what we crave- being acknowledged as equals.’

‘Uraraka, what’s wrong?’ Iida says from somewhere behind Midoriya. Uraraka quickly rubs at her eyes, trying to get rid of the tear stains.

‘Nothing, nothing,’ she murmurs, shooting Midoriya a look. ‘We were just talking about some stuff.’

Tsuyu sits down beside Uraraka and pulls her into her side. ‘You need anything?’

‘This is good,’ Uraraka says, leaning her weight into the frog hero. Tsuyu tightens her grip protectively, and the girls speak to one another in low voices.

‘She’s fine,’ Midoriya says to Iida as he stands up. ‘We were just talking about how differently we experience the world as male and female heroes.’

‘Ah,’ Iida says, voice subdued. He pushes his glasses up his nose. ‘I’ve read the statistics, it’s honestly disheartening. The number of female heroes ostracized from the hero community for absurd reasons, the number of hate crimes committed against them, it’s outrageous.’

Midoriya doesn’t even realize he’s gone into one of his mumbling rants as he says, ‘Is there anything we can do, like right now? How can we make a difference in the position that we’re in? We are still quite a while away from being pros. We do have licenses though, and we are known in the community. We also have students from affluent families that could help make a difference. But tackling the media is always a delicate matter and-‘

‘Start by taking steps yourselves,’ Jirou says, placing a hand on Midoriya’s shoulder. ‘Of course, all of what I’m about to say doesn’t really apply to you since you do it anyway but speak of us the way you speak about your male counterparts. Treat us with the same respect. Talk about us like we’re human beings with feelings. Just- it’s so systemic, all our biases and all our assumptions and how we treat and view women in society as a whole, so change will take time. We just have to take it one step at a time.’

Jirou takes her hand off Midoriya’s shoulder and shrugs, ‘We don’t want to be coddled, we don’t want special treatment, we don’t want any advantage or upper ground. We just want to level the playing field.’

‘In the meantime, when one of us is tired of fighting the system,’ Tsuyu says, getting Uraraka to her feet, ‘ice-cream and some queer-eye can’t hurt anyone, kero.’

That gets a smile out of Uraraka and Midoriya. The group slowly makes their way out the gym, nudging each other and cracking silly jokes. Jirou confirms that there’s 2 tubs of ice cream in the freezer, and Iida offers to make them popcorn even though he isn’t personally that fond of it. 

There’s an unpleasant clench in Midoriya’s gut, but that’s ok- identifying the problem is the very first step towards fixing it.

And when he looks around him, he thinks they have a pretty good shot at getting it right.

[slaylinski]

5 Times Something Almost Happened And 1 Time It Did

Pairing: Sam x Bucky (AU) 5+1

Word count: 8704

Warnings: angst, major character death (mentioned), grief, miscommunication, Sambucky can be absolutely idiots sometimes, mutual pining, fluff, happy ending

Prompt: Sam and Bucky are obviously in love with each other, but each secretly thinks the other is the boyfriend of their recently deceased friend (Steve) and that they should respect the bro code. 

A/N: So, I recently saw that prompt on IG and since there is no fanfiction out there that covers that I decided to write one myself. Prepare yourself for some misunderstandings, angst, grieving and sambucky fluff!

btw, shoutout to @januarystears and @gwen-novella for being my beta reader and emotional Marvel supporters🥰💕

Please be aware that English is not my first language.  

1

Bucky was looking at the tombstone in front of him, still not able to process what happened the last few days. Steve Rogers was his childhood best friend. He remembered them being 5-year old’s trying to steal some of the cookies his mother had baked; he remembered Steve calling him at 3am on a Sunday, crying and telling him about his mother‘s car accident, the one that had made him an orphan. He remembered his parents not even hesitating for a second before they took Steve in. 

And now Steve was gone. And everything Bucky had left were a few memories that were already starting to fade.

Since his parents were dead not many people came to Steve’s funeral. A few friends he had met in Chicago, Bucky’s family and of course Sam Wilson. 

After he and Steve had finished college, Steve had gotten an amazing job offer in Chicago and since Bucky had decided to stay in New York, they had had to adapt to not being able to see each other every day. They had still managed to see each other monthly, most of the times Steve coming to New York, since Bucky’s family, meaning Steve’s family, was still in New York as well. And every time they had visited each other Steve had talked about Sam. Every damn time. Bucky had felt like he already knew the other man. Obviously, he had been happy that Steve had found a boyfriend in Chicago.

Since Bucky was bi and Steve had been gay, they had had a few first times together. From having their first kiss with each other to some things he was not going to mention here. They had tried to make their relationship work, but ultimately decided they were better off as friends. Since then they had not really talked much about their relationships. The only thing that had mattered to Bucky had been that Steve was happy and the way he had talked about Sam had made Bucky realize that he had been happy.

“You okay, man? “ Bucky looked to his left and stared into a pair of brown eyes.

“Yeah, I am okay," he said quietly, which was far from the truth. He still could not believe that Steve was dead.

“I am Sam, Sam Wilson," Sam introduced himself to Bucky, which made the latter chuckle. “Yeah, I already know that. Steve talked about you, a lot," Bucky tried to smile but his eyes were still focused on the tombstone in front of him.

“You know, it is a shame that he never introduced us," Sam said.

“It really is, but I feel like I already know you from all the stories Steve told me about you. I am glad he had someone in Chicago who took care of him. I am sorry for your loss," Bucky felt terrible. He felt like he could not breathe, like drowning but not being able to swim to the surface.

“I am really sorry too, Bucky," Sam whispered. Bucky barely remembered the next few hours. They went to the Barnes house for a funeral service. He saw his sister Becca who tried not to cry but miserably failed, he met his parents’ eyes. His mom was silently crying, and his dad wore sunglasses, trying to hide his swollen eyes as well. To his parents it was like they had lost one of their children. To Becca and him it was like they had lost their brother. And Bucky could not even imagine how hard it was for Sam to lose his boyfriend, his significant other, the person he wanted to grow old with. However, Sam looked more pulled together, like he tried his best not to cry in front of Bucky. Which Bucky understood, it was not like they knew each other very well.

“Do you want something to eat?" Sam asked and tried to feed Bucky some of the cake that was sitting on the kitchen counter. It was one of the many cakes people had brought over to the Barnes house after they had found out about Steve’s death. Everybody had loved Steve Rogers and it was a real shock to them that he had died at such a young age. Bucky, however, did not feel like eating. He felt like sleeping. Like the kind of sleep that makes you forget reality, the one that comforts you. He had not slept for the last couple of days, he was afraid of dreaming, afraid of dreaming and waking up. Afraid that his mind was going to dream about Steve and then him waking up and realizing that it was only a dream and that he was really gone.

“No, thanks. Do you want something?" Bucky asked but Sam shook his head. It was the first time that Bucky took a closer look at Sam Wilson. He was a little bit shorter than Bucky. His brown eyes were warm, and they looked worried, and Bucky felt like Sam was as close to breaking down as he himself was but tried to hold it together. The longer he looked at Sam, the more he understood Steve when he had talked about how warm Sam's eyes were or how good his smile looked. Sam was exactly the type of guy Bucky would go for. Sam tried to comfort him, and Bucky did not understand why. It was not like he had lost his boyfriend. He had lost his best friend, which was pretty hard as well, but not as hard as what Sam was going through now.

“Sorry, I need to get out of here,” Bucky told Sam and rushed out of the house.

The Barnes house was pretty small, barely enough room for two children, but they had squeezed together when Steve had moved in. The backyard had a small garden. A bench facing the giant cherry tree Bucky and Steve used to climb up.

Bucky felt his lip tremble and sniffed. He was all alone now. Steve was gone and there was nothing he could change about that. He felt a tear slipping down his face and tried to wipe it away with his shirtsleeve, but his stupid shirt was too tight, and he could not reach his eyes, and everything was just stupid.

A few moment later his vision was blurred with tears and he tried hard not to sob. It was horrible. He had not even realized that Sam had followed him outside until he felt a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Hey, it’s going to be alright, Bucky,” he said and tried to calm him down. The second he noticed Sam; Bucky felt like shit. Sam had just lost his boyfriend and Bucky was out here crying and not even thinking about Sam for a second.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky looked at Sam. “I just… I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now and I-,” he tried to continue but Sam interrupted him.

“If you try to apologize for having feelings, Barnes, I am going to throw you into your neighbors’ pool,” Sam pointed to his right to the swimming pool next to them. “I’m not joking. I don’t know what Steve told you about me, but I’m a man of my word,” Sam laughed. Bizarrely, Bucky laughed as well, like a real laugh, not the ones you fake to seem polite.

“You know, he would’ve hated that,” Bucky declared.

“What? “

“Us here, moping around. He would have wanted his funeral to be party. Has he ever told you about the first years of his life?”

Sam shook his head.

“When we were younger, Steve used to be sick, like all the time. He had the worst allergies and asthma and everything you could possibly imagine. Some winters were hard, there were times when he was in the hospital for week.

Then one time he had this stupid idea to plan his funeral because somehow in his 10-year-old brain he was thinking that he was going to die. And me, being the other 10-year-old, agreed to that so we were in that chapel and he was reading a text that he’d written and playing some weird ass song he’d found on his Mp3 player and then we were all mushy and crying. A couple of weeks later he was home again. A few years after that, he got his height boost and most of his allergies were gone and he became the Steve you know,” Bucky hadn’t even realized that he was crying again but it was a weird combo of crying and laughing.

“God, I miss him so much already,” he sniffed.

“So, Steve Rogers would’ve wanted a party for his funeral? “Sam grinned, and Bucky couldn’t help but start to notice Sam’s laugh. The way his eyes crinkled and the way his whole body moved when he laughed.

“We’re going to get through this, Buck. I promise,” Sam put his arm around Bucky and patted his shoulder.

“You know, you can always call me if you want to talk,” this was the first time that Bucky saw that Sam had tears in his eyes as well. Sam quickly looked in a different direction but left his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky was not mad that Sam called him ‘Buck ‘, he felt horrible. He was a horrible person. His best friend had just died and all he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss his best friend’s boyfriend.

 2

Sam Wilson was fairly sure that Bucky Barnes was one of the strongest people he had ever met. He could not even imagine what it must feel like to lose his boyfriend. Well, until the funeral, Sam hadn’t been quite sure if Bucky really had been Steve’s boyfriend because even though he had known Steve for more than 4 years, he still did not remember one woman or one man that Steve had ever mentioned with as much enthusiasm as he had radiated when talking about Bucky. So, it was kind of weird to Sam that they had only visited each other occasionally and still hadn’t been living together after so many years, but he hadn’t wanted to ask why. It was not his business anyways.

Even though he did not know much about Steve Rogers’ love life, he considered him one of his best friends if not his best friend. Therefore, it was hard on him to have lost Steve so suddenly. He had never heard of somebody dying of an asthma attack. Especially someone who hadn’t had one in more than ten years. He remembered Bucky’s call and nearly dropping his phone. Bucky’s parents had been Steve’s emergency contacts, so it was unsurprising that they, and thus Bucky, had gotten notified first.

He had been in the middle of cooking dinner for him and Steve, since they were sharing a flat. It was not like they were poor or not earning enough money, it was more about not being alone and being able to save up a bit for the future. None of them minded living with a roommate, though.

After the call he had travelled to New York to attend Steve’s funeral. It was not how he’ imagined his first trip to New York and it certainly wasn’t the way he had wanted to meet the famous Bucky Barnes. After the death of Steve’s parents when he’d been a teenager, Bucky’s family had been all he’d had left.

Sam had felt a little anxious, and even though two of his and Steve’s friends, Wanda and Pietro, had come with him, he still felt like an intruder. He still could not believe that Steve was really gone.

He recognized Bucky immediately. He had seen a lot of picture over the years and even met him one time via face time but that could not have prepared him for what he saw the first time he looked into Bucky’s eyes.

Even though he was on the verge of crying, he looked like one of the most beautiful men Sam had ever seen, and the second he thought of that Sam wanted to slap himself. He felt like the worst person on earth. His best friend had just died and all he could think about was how good-looking his boyfriend was. He was going to end up in hell.

For the next couple of days Sam felt numb. Bucky kindly invited him to stay over at his flat in New York, so Sam didn’t have to bother booking a hotel room or anything like that.

Since his boss had known Steve as well but could not attend his funeral due to business, he kindly gave Sam two paid weeks off. Sam was not sure how he was going to handle going back to the flat he shared with Steve. He already felt lonely and was not sure if he could handle throwing out Steve’s stuff.

But right now, he was thinking about a lot of different things, for example about Bucky, who was sitting right in front of him, eating a bagel for breakfast.

Bucky’s flat was not what Sam expected. After living together with Steve Rogers for nearly three years, he thought that he knew the way Steve liked to live. Pretty messy was an understatement. His room looked like it belonged to a messy 3-year-old. Bucky’s flat however was completely clean. So clean that Sam would not have been bothered eating off the floor. The thought of Bucky constantly reminding Steve to put away his stuff made him laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Bucky looked at him curiously and swallowed the last bit of his bagel.

“Oh, nothing,” Sam tried hide his grin.

“Hey, that’s not fair. Tell me,” Bucky protested but he was smiling as well. The pretty smile, the one that made Sam’s heart flutter. He quickly put that thought aside.

“Well, you knew Steve better than me and when I see how clean your flat is all I can think about is how messy ours used to look.”

That made Bucky laugh as well. “You know, I asked myself the same question. Do you remember when you were on that business trip? That time I visited Steve, and it was the first time I saw your flat and I was shocked how clean it actually looked. Not that Steve was a messy, but I’m amazed how you managed to get along with him not putting his stuff everywhere.”

“Well at least he tried with you, whenever he was coming home, he just threw his jacket on our couch and went into the bathroom,” Sam laughed. `

“Yeah, he tried his best whenever he visited me,” Bucky answered.

‘Perks of being the boyfriend, Sam thought but didn’t say it out loud. He did not want to upset Bucky and tried to talk as little about Steve as possible, only referring to him when Bucky told him a story about them.

“You know what, Sam?” Bucky asked after they put away the dishes from their late breakfast. “I’m done sitting here and moping around. I need to get out of here, get some fresh air.”

“Do you have something in mind?” Sam looked at him. It was weird, even though he never met Bucky in person he felt like he already knew him. Steve used to talk about him all the time, mentioning him even when he was talking about the most unnecessary things. At first Sam thought it was cute, but after a while it kind of annoyed him. However, Bucky really was as great as Steve had described him. In the last days he got to know him and found out that he was one of the most generous and humble persons he had ever met.

“I actually do. I have been craving ice cream ever since I saw that Ben and Jerry’s commercial last night and thought that we could go to the Central Park,” Bucky suggested.

“Sound great. Let me get my jacket and I am good to go”.

They each grabbed their phones, wallets and jackets. Bucky stuffed his keys into the pocket of his leather jacket. Sam could swear that Bucky had at least five different versions of the same leather jacket in different colors.

Bucky’s flat was close to the Central Park since he lived in Manhattan. Sam was not quite sure what kind of job Bucky had but it must have been paying really well if he could afford living that close to the city.  They didn’t talk much while walking to the park, but Bucky took the time to show Sam some of Steve’s favorite spots, for example his favorite coffee shop. Whenever they walked past a shop or cafe Steve used to like, Sam knew immediately because Bucky tensed up.

Obviously, Sam had never been to the Central Park in New York and he had only ever seen it on pictures so far, so he was surprised how big it actually was. There were a lot of children, parents and young people walking around. A couple of them were inline skating or even skateboarding. It was a sunny afternoon, which made for a crowded park.

“What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” Bucky asked him after they sat down on a free bench they found.

“Pretty much any ice cream flavor,” Sam laughed.

“You know, that was Steve’s answer to that question as well. He ate pretty much every flavor of ice cream I bought so I always had to hide it or buy an extra pack,” Bucky smiled but his eyes looked sad.

Sam wasn’t sure what he could do to make him feel better. And the worst was that he was still thinking about how good-looking Bucky was. “Just surprise me, okay?”

Bucky nodded and quickly walked away to the nearest ice cream van.

Sam leaned against the bank and closed his eyes. His mind was still trying to process Steve’s death. When he was younger his dad had died, and his mom had made him go to a therapist for a couple of months. The woman had told him about the five different stages of grief, and Sam was sure he was still stuck in denial. He just couldn’t imagine his life without Steve Rogers, and he still did not know how he would manage living on his own. He might get a different flat, one that was smaller.

His thoughts were interrupted by Bucky, who returned, carrying two ice cream cones in his hands. There were at least three scoops of chocolate ice cream on each one. Sam’s eyes grew big once Bucky settled the ice cream into his hand.

“I thought we might as well treat ourselves,” he only stated and started eating his ice cream.

If there was something worse than having the hots for your dead best friend’s boyfriend, it was watching his so-called boyfriend licking ice cream.

He quickly looked away and stared at the ice cream in his hand, which was slowly starting to melt.

“You know, I bought this for you so you could eat it. Not watch it melt, but you do you,” Bucky raised his eyebrows and looked at the ice cream that was slowly dripping around the cone.

“Yeah, of course. Is it a coincidence that you chose chocolate because it is Steve’s favorite ice cream or is it your favorite flavor as well?” Sam asked curiously.

“You got me there. It’s my favorite ice cream flavor, too. So now you know why I had to hide my secret ice cream stash in the freezer whenever Steve came around,” Bucky laughed.

They were quietly eating their ice cream when Bucky stood up all of a sudden and grabbed Sam’s hand. Bucky’s hand was warm, warmer than Sam had imagined. The former quickly pulled him to his feet and Sam felt himself blushing. Hopefully, Bucky didn’t see that.

“Come on, we are going to see the ducks,” Bucky shouted and ran to the lake that was in the middle of the park. Sam just laughed. Sometimes he felt like Bucky was still ten years old and not 28. He followed Bucky and found him a few seconds later, throwing the last crumbs of his ice cream cone to a little duck family that was quickly picking up the crumbs.

“You are such a child, Bucky.”

Bucky just rolled his eyes and tried to pet the small ducklings. However, the mother duck was not having that and tried to pick at Bucky’s hand. It even started to flutter towards him. Bucky let out a scream and started running to Sam. “Help me, ahh. It’s trying to kill me. Sorry duck, I was only trying to pet your babies,” Bucky exclaimed. “I wouldn’t hurt them.”

Sam was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing. He noticed a couple of other people around him who were watching them. A few seconds later he just gave up and completely doubled over. He was wheezing and already feeling the weird looks he got from the people surrounding him. Tears started to form in his eyes and that was the first time the last few days that the reason for them was not him being sad.

Bucky finally came over to him, laughing as well. “They were so cute, I just had to,” he exclaimed, and before Bucky was able to say another word, Sam grabbed him by his hips and pulled him over to him. He let his hand sit on Bucky’ waist for a short moment until he realized that Bucky was staring at him, especially at his hand. Sam felt blood rushing into his head. He probably looked absolutely flustered and he noticed that Bucky was blushing.

“Anyways. They were cute and Steve loves, I mean loved, ducks,” Bucky said quietly.

After hearing Steve’s name Sam felt guilty again. Following that awkward incident, they quickly went back to Bucky’s apartment and never mentioned it again.

 3

Ever since Sam had left to go back to his flat in Chicago, Bucky felt lonely. He had never felt that way when Steve had left him to go back to Chicago or when his other friends visited. It might have to do with the fact that Sam was the first person who really calmed him down after Steve’s death. His parents and his sister tried their best, but they were still trying to process the fact that Steve was gone. Sam’s reaction to Steve’s death was different. It almost made Bucky a little angry, because how could he not have cared about Steve, but then he remembered that Sam hadn’t know him as well as the Barnes family. Sam might have tried to pull himself together because he had not wanted to cry in front of Bucky. The last couple of days Bucky had gotten to spend with Sam he understood what Steve had loved about him. Sam was kind, made him laugh and the best thing, he was honest to Bucky.

Bucky’s last relationships had not been exactly what he pictured. The last girl he had dated had been someone named Natasha, who he’d met through work. She was nice and pretty, but after a few months she’d told Bucky that she did not see a future with him. He wasn’t sad that their relationship ended, he was sad because it meant he was alone again.

Right then, he was sitting on his couch, watching his favorite tv show. Suits. The first time he’d watched that show he couldn’t decide whether he would rather sleep with Donna or Harvey. Seeing that he was a lawyer himself, he knew the series was nowhere close to being realistic, but he still liked it. Practicing law wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured it in college but still, it made him happy.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. He quickly grabbed it and smiled once he saw the name displayed on the screen. Sam Wilson.

“Hey, Bucky,” Sam greeted him.

Bucky felt his chest flutter but tried to ignore it. Sam was his forbidden fruit, but he already felt like Eva ogling the red apple in garden Eden. Apparently, he and Eva would share going to hell.  

“Hey Sam,” Bucky answered quietly.

There as an awkward pause.

“Something wrong?”

“Well, I don’t know if this might seem weird to you but yesterday, I was finally able to enter Steve’s room and was trying to sort his stuff and because he doesn’t have any family left, I thought you might want some of this and- “

Bucky interrupted him. “Sam, you are rambling. What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“I was just wondering if you might want to fly to Chicago and look through Steve’s stuff. Like, I know he would have wanted you to get most of his things. I understand if you are occupied with work but honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready to get rid of his things. It feels like I’m starting to forget him. I’m already starting to forget what his voice sounded like, and it’s starting to drive me crazy. And I know it’s a lot I’m asking of you and it is a shitty thing of me to cry to you about it, since he was your-,” Sam sniffed and before he could continue Bucky interrupted him again.

“To quote you, Sam: If you dare apologize for having feelings, I might throw you into your neighbor’s pool. Even though I don’t know if your neighbor owns a pool, but you get what I’m trying to say here,” Bucky could hear Sam laughing, although his voice was still a bit cracked. He sounded like he had been crying for at least a couple of minutes. Then again, Bucky would probably react the same if he’d had to sit down and sort out Steve’s stuff.

“I’m flying out to you tomorrow,” Bucky stated. He could hear Sam breathing. “You don’t have to if you have work to do or something else, I can get Wanda or Pietro to help me,” Sam said, guilt lacing his tone.

“No, you’re right. I should have thought about that earlier. It must be hard for you. Of course, I can help,” he assured Sam.

“Thanks, Bucky,” Sam replied.

“You’re welcome, Sam. I’ll text you my flight information.”

However, he did not mention that he was excited to meet Sam again. He was sure that the last thing Sam was worried about right now was finding a new boyfriend, and Bucky still felt guilty about even thinking that he had a chance with Sam. Sam had been Steve’s boyfriend and was grieving, and Bucky was selfish for thinking that Sam could like him that way.

Immediately after the phone call ended, he grabbed his laptop and started looking for flights straight to Chicago. Since it was on such short notice, the flights were way more expensive than usually, but he didn’t care about that.

The day he arrived in Chicago was rainy. The weather was characteristically bad, so he was glad that Sam had offered to pick him up from the airport. Once Bucky had grabbed his suitcase, he made his way into the arrival hall of the airport. He already noticed Sam from far away, due to the fact that the other man was waving like crazy at Bucky, which made him laugh. Sam was such a dork.

“Hey, I’m glad you made it. Thanks again,” Sam tried to carry Bucky’s suitcase, but Bucky pushed his hand away.

“I got it, thanks,” he still thought it was cute.

They walked outside to Sam’s car, talking about random things. Bucky noticed that Sam didn’t mention Steve’s name. He was probably waiting until they got home, and Bucky did not want to upset Sam any further, so he did not mention the deceased’s name as well.

Bucky could count on one hand how many times he had been to Steve’s and Sam’s flat. It was still weird to him that they did not sleep in the same bed. But after knowing Steve Rogers for nearly two decades, it was impossible for even him to sleep next to Steve. Whenever the latter had slept, he’d snored so loud that Bucky had been sure the neighbors next door could still hear him, so he did not blame Sam for having wanted a separate bed.

The flat had not changed much since the last time Bucky had been there. The walls were decorated with a lot of artwork - most of it done by Steve. While Bucky was not able to draw a straight line, Steve had been able to draw the most amazing things with only a pencil.

“You can keep some of them, if you want,” Sam commented and squeezed his shoulder.

“Yeah, that would be nice, but you should keep most of them. They’re in your home, anyway, so why should I take ‘em with me.”

Sam only stared at him in confusion.

“I guess I’ll move into a new flat once we are done here. It’s too big for me anyway. Might as well get another roommate,” Sam stated.

“Roommate?” Bucky looked at him “Aren’t you a bit old to live with a roommate?” he asked, seemingly confused. He knew Sam was nearly 3 years older than him and Steve.

“I am what?” Sam raised his eyebrow.

Immediately, Bucky felt bad. He was such an idiot. Sam had been living with his boyfriend for the last 3 years, of course he was going to feel lonely living on his own. “Nothing. Forget it. So, where did you put Steve’s stuff?”

Sam pointed to a couple of boxes that were lying in one corner of the living room. “I got rid of most of his clothes and furniture, apart from some t-shirts and hoodies. Thought you might want to keep some of these.”

Bucky’s eyes wandered to a green hoodie that was crumpled up in one of the boxes. He quickly snatched it and pressed it against his chest. It was the hoodie Steve had worn the day they had gotten their college acceptance. It even smelled a bit like Steve.

“You should keep it,” Sam mumbled, “I have so much of his stuff, and you have nothing and…” His voice started to crack.

Bucky felt helpless. He was trying to think of something that would make Sam feel better. The only thing he could think about right then was a hug.

He quickly wrapped his arms around Sam and pressed his chest against the other man’s. He could feel Sam’s breathing and heartbeat.

Sam started to calm down, still pressed against Bucky. They stayed like this for a moment until Bucky started to feel something. ‘Oh god’, he panicked. Not now. It had been a few months since he’d last had any physical contact and it was starting to show. Sam clinging and moving against him did not make things better. Bucky felt his face heating up and tried to think of a way to break out of the hug.

“You, okay?” Sam asked and quickly ended their hug. He’d probably felt something was wrong.

Bucky was still red and quickly looked away. ‘So much to not thinking about Sam in that way,’ he thought to himself.

“Yeah, everything’s alright,” Bucky just knew Sam had felt it. However, he was glad that he didn’t mention it. It was already awkward enough for him. They continued to look through Steve’s stuff and neither of them said another word.

“I am glad you are here, Bucky,” Sam whispered after a while.

“I am really glad you called me,” Bucky responded. It was going to be okay.

  4

“What movie do you want to watch?” Sam asked and started zapping through Netflix. It had been a couple of months since Bucky’s visit to Chicago, but he and Sam had been in contact with each other nearly every day. Bucky had started to slowly crawl into Sam’s daily life, but he did not mind it. Quite the opposite. The more he talked to Bucky, the more Sam caught himself thinking about the way Bucky smiled and laughed. The way Bucky’s eyes lit up when he talked about his work or his cat, Alpine. The cat was cute. Sam remembered Bucky finding her near the trash cans in the backyard of his flat and the moment he’d seen her he’d known that she was supposed to stay with him. Just like Steve and Bucky used to do, the two chose at least one time a month to meet up with each other. That month it was Sam’s turn to visit Bucky.

Right now, they were sitting on Bucky’s couch. Bucky was on his phone trying to figure out what he wanted to eat for dinner. Alpine was cuddled against Bucky’s chest.

“I don’t care. Chose something you want to watch,” Bucky answered Sam’s question. He stroked Alpine’s white fur. The cat snuggled closer to Bucky and purred. Sam could not blame her. Bucky’s chest did look comfortable.

“Okay, then.”

It still took Sam more than fifteen minutes to find a series he wanted to watch.

“Have you decided on what you want to eat?” he asked Bucky, who was still scrolling through his phone.

“No,” Bucky let out a groan. “They have so many options. How am I supposed to choose? I want fries and sushi and pizza at the same time,” he exclaimed.

Sam laughed. One of the many things he had learned about Bucky in the last couple of months was that Bucky loved food. It was close to being an unhealthy obsession.

“Well, how about we just get something small of everything and share?” Sam offered but Bucky did not seem convinced.

“Sam, I don’t want to share,” he pouted.

“Okay, well, that’s your problem. I already know what I want to eat,” Sam crossed his arms and leaned back against the couch. It was comfortable and probably cost more than Sam’s monthly salary. He had learned that Bucky was a corporate lawyer, which explained how he was able to live so close to Manhattan. It also explained the amounts of money he was able to spend on food. The first few times, Sam had tried to split the bill, but Bucky had always protested. Sam had stopped trying after that. It was sweet of Bucky, and Sam wondered if that was the way Bucky had treated Steve as well. The more he got to know the other man, the more he caught himself falling for him. He knew it was wrong, and that Steve would probably hate him for feeling that way - he even hated himself a little bit for it - but he couldn’t change his feelings. He tried his best not to get too touchy with Bucky, but he failed sometimes.

“I want pizza.”

Sam looked at Bucky. “Are you sure?”

“Yep,” Bucky started to scratch Alpine’s belly, and the cat purred in response.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. He knew that Bucky would probably change his opinion once the pizza was here, but he still called the pizza place and ordered.

45 minutes later the doorbell rang, and Bucky stood up to answer. Alpine looked up in confusion once she noticed that Bucky was gone and started walking towards Sam. After looking at him, she decided he was worthy and cuddled against his chest. Sam patted her.

“Oh, this is so cute, I need to take a picture,” Bucky had returned with two large pizza cartons and a smaller one containing some garlic bread. Sam smiled, but the second Bucky got his phone out, Alpine jumped up and quickly walked away.

“Stupid cat,” Bucky mumbled. It was almost like she heard him because she turned her head and hissed at him.

“Great, now she’s mad,” Sam sighed.

“She’ll get over it. Here’s your pizza,” Bucky gave him his carton and settled down to eat his own pizza.

“By the way, my sister wants to finally meet you,” Bucky said after a few minutes. It didn’t take him long to finish his pizza and he moved on to the garlic bread.

“I can’t wait to meet her. Steve used to talk about her all the time. He really loved her like a little sister.” Sam didn’t know Becca personally, apart from that short meeting at Steve’s funeral, but back then hadn’t really been the right time to get to know her better.

“Yeah, he really did. She is our little sister,” Bucky mumbled, a sad undertone present in his voice. Sam wasn’t going to lie, he thought about Steve a lot, but whenever he visited Bucky or got a message from him, the thought of his best friend was pushed a little bit further back in his brain. Every time he caught himself doing that, he felt guilty. Guilty for starting to forget the way Steve’s voice sounded, for getting a smaller flat because he couldn’t stand continuing to live in the same flat, he used to live in with Steve and mostly, guilty for slowly starting to fall in love with Bucky Barnes.

He wondered if Bucky sometimes forgot about Steve, too, or if Sam was just a horrible friend. He didn’t have the courage to ask Bucky about it; he did not want to lose the closest thing he had to a best friend since Steve.

They continued to watch the series. After a while, Alpine came back from wherever she had hidden. She settled into the crook of Bucky’s arm and looked into Sam’s eyes. He almost felt caught by her. He did not really like cats; however, he made an exception for Alpine.

Shortly after the movie, Sam noticed that Bucky was snoring. He was leaning against Sam’s shoulder, Alpine still lying on him.

Sam caught himself watching Bucky for a few seconds. He looked so cute and calm and the way he was resting against Sam’s shoulder gave him goosebumps. His skin looked so soft, and Sam had to fight with himself not to touch his cheek. He decided to close his eyes for a few minutes as well.

The next morning, Sam noticed something furry on his nose, tickling him. He sneezed and opened his eyes, only to look at something white. He tried to push Alpine away from his face and started to look around. He remembered falling asleep on Bucky’s couch. He noticed that somehow during the night, Bucky had shifted and was now laying on Sam’s chest. Sam’s arm was wrapped around Bucky’s torso. He tried to shift without moving too much but failed. He looked at Bucky’s face and noticed that the younger man was still sleeping peacefully.

‘Great and now I have to pee’, Sam thought. He ran his other hand through Bucky’s hair. It was as soft as he imagined. A few minutes later Bucky’s eyes fluttered, and a pair of blue eyes started into Sam’s.

“Morning,” Bucky said with a rusty voice. It took him a while to notice that he was lying nearly on top of Sam.

“Have you slept well?” Sam asked.

Bucky nodded and stared at him so intensely that Sam briefly thought he was going to kiss him. However, Bucky quickly sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“So anyways. Do you want some breakfast?” Bucky changed the topic, already half up off the couch and on his way into the kitchen.

Sam stared after at him. ‘What the hell was that’, he thought but shook it off and quickly followed Bucky into the kitchen.  

 5

Today was the 6th month anniversary of Steve’s death and Bucky’s day had already started out shitty. Firstly, he’d nearly missed his alarm clock, then his client had stood him up for lunch and finally he’d managed to spill his coffee all over himself and had to ask his assistant to get another one. He was currently sitting in his office, staring at the framed picture in front of him.

It was a picture of him and Steve when they were younger. He still could not believe that Steve had been gone for 6 months. It felt like yesterday to him how he’d called Steve nearly every evening to talk to him about his boring day.

The only thing he was looking forward today was that he was finally going to see Sam again. Thinking about the dark-haired man made him smile. The last time Sam had visited had been kind of weird. That one morning, they’d woken up all cuddly and Bucky had nearly kissed Sam. Thank God, he’d caught himself in the last moment. Sam would have probably thought Bucky was a horrible friend, and Bucky refused to lose his newest friend to something as stupid as a little crush.

He probably felt like that because the last time he’d had sex had been back when Steve had still been alive. Yeah, that was the most reasonable explanation as to why he could not stop thinking about Sam’s lips and his toned arms. He quickly looked back at the file in front of him. It was a case about a holding company that was trying to sell one of their firms they owned. It was boring, to say the least. He tried to get it done as quickly as possible.

Finally, a few hours later, Bucky was able to close the file. He looked at his clock; it was 20 past 7pm already. His eyes widened. He was supposed to meet up with Sam at 7pm at his flat. He pulled out his phone and noticed that he had a missed call from Sam and a few text messages.

 Barnes, you there?

Buckyyy

Where are you, man?

Okay, I am just going to let myself in, I know where your spare key is 😊.

 Sam had added a bunch of random emojis, and Bucky smiled. Of course, he knew where Bucky’s spare key was.

Bucky packed up his things, bid goodbye to the colleagues who were still in the building and made his way home. He was pretty sure Sam was comfortable enough in the flat to entertain himself, so Bucky ended up picking some food on the way. Thai. It was Steve’s favorite food.

As he opened his apartment door, his hands full of takeaway boxes, he could already hear the TV. Once he entered the living room, he could see Sam lying on his couch. Alpine was sitting on his lap and Sam was cuddling her. It was adorable.

“Hello, person who does not live in my home,” Bucky said and walked over to place the food on his couch table.

“Well, I decided I do now.”, Sam exclaimed. “Your cat likes me better anyways. Isn’t that right, Alpine?”

The cat snuggled closer to Sam.

“Traitor,” Bucky whispered. But he was glad that Sam liked her as much as he himself did. They were a package deal.

“What is that?” Sam pointed to the food boxes.

“Food, duh. Thai. It was Steve’s favorite,” Bucky said. After mentioning Steve’s name, he noticed how Sam tensed up. Bucky decided not to comment on it; instead, he sat down next to Sam and started opening the food boxes.

“Fuck,” Sam whispered and ran his hands over his face. “I can’t believe it’s been 6 months already. How has he been dead for 6 months? I feel like it was yesterday that I talked to him, we were planning a trip to California this summer. We wanted to take my nephews to Disneyland. There were so excited and devastated when I told them we could not go anymore and cried when I told them why.”

Bucky felt his heart aching. He knew Sam had nephews.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Bucky said and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance.

“I still cannot process that he really is gone. Some days I forget that he is dead, just for a short moment, and then reality hits and I feel like I just want to fold myself into a corner and cry. He was my best friend.” Bucky looked down and noticed that Sam had started to sniff.

“You know, I still get nightmares about the day you called me,” Sam admitted.

Bucky saw a single tear roll down Sam’s face and he quickly wiped it away with his sleeve. The man next to him looked so small and vulnerable. Bucky wanted to hug him so badly.

“I always wonder what would have happened if I had been with him. I should have made sure he’d take his inhaler with him. God, I am so sorry, Bucky,” he started to sob.

Bucky froze. It was the first time Sam cried in front of him. He felt helpless, the only thing that he could do was try to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Sam. It was not your fault. Steve was an adult, he should have known better than to not carry his inhaler with him, even if he hadn’t had an asthma attack in more than 10 years,” Bucky tried to calm him down, but that made Sam even more upset.

“I was supposed to look after him, you trusted me to look after him-“Sam was starting to hyperventilate.  

“You did, Sam. You did. It was not your fault, and it wasn’t mine either. It was just a stupid, terrible thing to happen, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Please stop trying to blame yourself for his death,” Bucky shouted. Apparently, this was the only way Sam understood he was not responsible for what had happened to Steve.

Sam stared at him, not being used to Bucky raising his voice.

“I’m serious, Sam,” Bucky said again.

“You are way too good; do you know that Bucky?” Sam said with a weird mixture of laughing and crying. “God, I still miss him so much.”

“I miss him too, Sam, but Steve would have wanted you to move on with your life. He would have wanted us to live the best life we could possibly have. And I know that sounds harsh but please don’t blame yourself.” Bucky wasn’t sure if his words were what Sam wanted to hear. He would either think that Bucky was a total asshole for thinking that he should move on this quickly after his boyfriend died or he would agree with him.

“Yeah, you are right. He would have wanted me to move on. He would have wanted that for you as well, Bucky,” Sam answered quietly, and the next thing Bucky knew he was pressing his lips against Sam’s.

 + 1

Sam felt Bucky’s lips pressing against his own. At first, he was shocked that Bucky really was kissing him but after a few seconds he returned the kiss. He pulled Bucky closer to himself and started moving his hand to the other man’s neck. Bucky groaned and started to move closer to Sam.

It was everything Sam had dreamed about for the last couple of months and if Bucky was ready to move on from Steve, Sam was ready for that as well. They continued to kiss for a while, none of them saying a word. The sound of them kissing was the only one heard in the apartment. Sam was already starting to slip his hand under Bucky’s t-shirt when Bucky suddenly pulled away from him.

“No, no, no-,” he exclaimed and looked at Sam, both their lips slightly swollen from their kissing.

“This is wrong,” Bucky whined.

Sam could almost hear the crack his heart made the second Bucky stopped their kiss. Of course, he thought it was wrong. Steve and Bucky had been together for more than 5 years or maybe even more, obviously, Bucky wouldn’t move on so quickly.

“God I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, Sam,” Bucky looked at him with blue eyes and Sam wanted to kiss him again, so badly.

“Sorry, I just thought that… you’re right, this is not fair to Steve. God, I’m a horrible person, Steve would hate me,” Sam whispered ashamed.

“No, I’m the bad friend. I kissed you. I kissed my dead best friend’s boyfriend. I’m pretty sure they have a special place in hell for people like me,” Bucky let out a groan.

Sam looked at him confused. What the hell was he talking about?

“I was his what now?” he asked and stared at Bucky.

“Boyfriend, partner, significant other, I don’t know what you called each other, but I’m pretty sure that if there was one rule for friendship it’s that you don’t make a move on your friends’ partners,” Bucky gestured between Sam and him.

“This shouldn’t have happened,” he was out of breath and pushed his hair out his face. His cheeks were starting to get redder.

“No,” was the only thing Sam said at first. “You’re his boyfriend”, he continued and pointed at Bucky.

“Huh?” Bucky replied, still confused.

“No, you are. He always talked about you and he visited you nearly every week and-,” Sam was starting to ramble, but Bucky interrupted him.

“You two were living together?! I thought you were his boyfriend, what was I supposed to think? I didn’t assume two grown men would be living together as roommates,” he exclaimed.

“Hey,” Sam felt offended.

Bucky quickly noticed the way Sam looked at him. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just…I thought you were his boyfriend.”

“No, I’m his best friend,” Sam answered, this time a bit louder. What the hell was going on?

“No, I’m his best friend,” Bucky mumbled, still trying to process what had happened in the last few moments.

“Wait. So you’re not in a relationship with Steven Grant Rogers, and you never were?” Sam asked slowly.

“No,” Bucky answered, though it sounded more like a question. “I mean we used to when we were teenagers, but that’s nearly a decade ago.”

“And you’re not in a relationship with Steve either, right?” Bucky added and looked into Sam’s eyes.

“Nope, and I never was.”

There was an awkward silence between them until Bucky asked Sam, “So, the last few months you thought I was grieving my boyfriend, while I thought you were grieving your boyfriend?”

It was the thing that made Sam crack. He started to laugh. Loudly. He even started wheezing, tears forming in his eyes.  

“I cannot believe this. That little shit,” Sam cried out. “He never corrected me when I referred to you as his boyfriend. He knew exactly what he was doing.”

Finally, Bucky busted out laughing as well. “We’re so stupid. We could have just asked each other but instead we just assumed that the other was the grieving widower.”

Sam could feel the way Bucky was staring at him, trying to figure out what to say next. Sam, on the other hand, knew already what he was going to do next. He got closer to Bucky and kissed him again.

This time Bucky didn’t hesitate and pushed himself against Sam. “You know,” he mumbled between kisses, “We could have done that way earlier.” The complaint was evident in his tone.

“Better late than never,” was the only thing Sam answered before he kissed Bucky once more.

And somewhere out there, Steve was looking at them, smiling to himself and thinking how much of an idiot both of his best friends were.

Feel free to leave any comments or any suggestions for improvement!

Thank you so much for reading my first ever English written One Shot! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I'm really looking forward to writing more Marvel fanfiction, especially Stucky and Sambucky.

much love, your local stucky shipper xx

 ***

[oldjane]

So this friend of mine, whose tumblr handle I don’t even know, so Imma link to their ao3 profile instead, was going feral about some movie they saw, and about a JoeNicky AU for it, and I haven’t seen the movie, don’t even remember the name of it, but well.

Here is... Some AU (unedited).

“We have to get out of here!”

Nile’s panicked voice spurs him on. He is running to the dock, hoping the emergency pods are not too badly damaged by the ravage going on around them. Joe is half a step in front of him.

Nicky doesn’t know where everybody else is – most of the inhabitants got evacuated late yesterday afternoon, but there will still be dozens of people who didn’t make it onto the evac shuttles. Nobody expected disaster to strike quite so soon. Nicky knows pods have been leaving all day, but they thought they had at least two more days. There will be people trapped, families who are desperately trying to make it to the pods –

Nicky stops, tries to turn around, but Joe notices and grabs his wrist.

“Nicky, no! We need to go, now!”

“But there might be others, we should –”

“No!” Joe’s voice is sharp, and he tugs at Nicky’s arm desperately. “There is no time!”

His eyes are huge, and his curls stick to his sweaty temple. His shirt is dirty and there is a gash on his arm. It is a far cry from the cool and calm engineer who arrived almost three years ago, introducing himself to Nicky with a wink. But he is still the most handsome man Nicky ever saw.

He fell in love with Joe at that first wink, and somehow, Joe didn’t seem to mind Nicky being painfully shy and blushing fervently as he awkwardly managed to introduce himself. Over the next two months, Joe simultaneously managed to draw Nicky out of his shell and make himself a fixture in Nicky’s comfort zone. They’ve been the best of friends and Nicky kept his feelings firmly under lock, afraid of losing Joe completely.

“Come on, Nicky, please!”

Nicky throws one last look over his shoulder, and Joe almost dislocates Nicky’s shoulder, he is yanking his arm so wildly.

There is nothing Nicky can do, and so he follows Joe. He would follow Joe everywhere.

The dock is in complete disarray. A lot of the stations are empty, and Nicky is glad that so many people got out. The far side of the dock is completely destroyed, and some of the remaining pods seem too damaged to risk the journey.

Nile yells at them to hurry. They run to where she found a pod in a good state.

“I don’t know – I never used these things –”

She is trying to enter the correct code with hands that tremble terribly, and Nicky looks at Joe. Joe nods, and he covers Nile’s hand with his own.

“It’s really easy,” he shushes, and he turns her towards him while Nicky makes quick work of unlocking the pod and firing up the systems. He hears Joe talk to Nile, explain to her how the pods work, what will happen. His voice is soft and calm, and Nile sniffs away her tears as she nods.

Nicky’s heart could explode. Here is Joe, taking care of one of their friends, as if this is just another day and they are not minutes away from being completely wiped away.

Nile steps into the pod, and without hesitation, Nicky and Joe strap her in, as if they have done this a thousand times. Their hands brush. Nicky feels the usual combo of heart flutters and a sense of belonging whenever he and Joe touch, but there is no time for that. He keeps running the procedures, and Joe keeps talking to Nile.

“You will get to the surface, and we will be right behind you, okay? I promise we won’t leave you alone. A beacon signal will alert home base, it will be no longer than thirty minutes before the chopper picks us up. You can open the hatch as soon as this light comes on, okay?” He points to the clear indicator. “The systems are all working perfectly,” he continues, when Nicky reaches the final check. “Tell me what you have to do.”

“Enter my personal code and the take-off code – seven-nine-four, enter, three-nine-three. Then the green button. Close the hatch.” she says, sounding almost normal, ticking it off on her fingers. “When I get up, this light will come on and I open the hatch. You will be right behind me. The chopper will be there not long after.”

“Good,” Joe replies fondly. “You’ll be fine, Nile. Keep your eyes on the screen, the counter will start as soon as you take off. We will see you up there in fifteen minutes.”

As Joe reassures Nile one last time, Nicky scans the stations. They can’t go back to the main section anymore, they need to find undamaged pods here and they need to be fast. The warning signs for critically low oxygen levels have been blasting for at least twenty minutes now. They could run out any minute. But most stations are empty, and the pods that are still here are broken and rusty.

There. Nicky sees one, and as soon as Nile closes the hatch, he pulls Joe along.

He opens the pod, and he breathes out in relief when it reacts immediately. It seems to be functional, and he pushes Joe in, entering the launch key.

Joe goes along, strapping himself in.

“Leave it, Nicky, I can do this myself, get to a pod –”

Nicky knows exactly when Joe notices what Nicky already knew. He starts unstrapping, but Nicky is faster. He locks Joe’s chair in place, keeps working on the take-off checklist.

“Nicky, stop, we can find you one further along –”

“There is no time, Joe,” Nicky says calmly. “We will run out of oxygen in seconds.”

“Come in, then, I won’t leave you –”

“There is not enough oxygen for two, Joe, you know that.”

“We will breathe as little as possible, hold our breath, something! Nicky, they never even tested that stuff, we could –”

“We are not risking it, Joe. One of us has to make it up there alive for Nile. You promised her.”

Joe is frantic now.

“Not without you, Nicky, stop, please!”

He reaches for the touch screen, trying to override Nicky’s commands. Nicky slaps him full in the face, and Joe falls back in the chair, stunned. It gives Nicky just the seconds he needs to complete the final procedure. He knows Joe’s code, of course, they’ve been friends for years, and he doesn’t make a mistake. Then the same numbers Joe told Nile, seven-nine-four, enter, three-nine-three.

“Nicky, no,” Joe begs, and –

Nicky presses the green button, not looking at Joe, not listening to his pleas.

Nicky will die here. He will die, within the next minute, while Joe is travelling up, and –

Nicky grabs Joe’s face between his large hands. One cheek feels hot where Nicky slapped him, but he doesn’t pay attention to that.

He stares into Joe’s beautiful, beloved eyes, and he bends closer to press his lips on Joe’s.

It is too short, too chaste for three years of pining, but there is no time – a crash, close by, vibrates through the structure, and Nicky pulls back. Joe starts saying something, but Nicky shakes his head and closes the hatch, gently but determinedly.

He hears Joe’s voice, calling out for him, but then the pod is sealed hermetically. It takes off smoothly, and Nicky’s knees buckle.

 ***

The fifteen minutes before Joe reaches the surface are the longest and the shortest of his life.

He screams himself hoarse in fifteen minutes, he bangs his fists on the inside walls of the pod until his knuckles burst, and then he touches his lips, where Nicky’s were but the blink of an eye ago.

Almost three years of dreaming about Nicky’s kiss, and –

And now –

He curses himself. He should have known Nicky would make sure everybody else got out before him. He should have seen right through him, should have forced him to go first –

He should have told Nicky he was in love with him three years ago. He should have kissed that man every chance he got, because now he will not ever get to again.

He is too distracted to pay attention to the screen or the indicators, and only when a robotic voice announces he needs to open the hatch because oxygen is low, he mechanically unstraps and enters the correct code.

Nile is floating right by his side.

“Oh, thank God!” she says as soon as he stands up. “Your pod arrived but you didn’t open the hatch, I was freaking out here, I didn’t know if there was a problem or – wait.” She takes a look at Joe, and she cuts herself off.

Joe doesn’t know how he looks – his eyes feel puffy and tears are streaming over his cheeks and his hands are bloodied.

“Wait,” Nile says again, unsteady. “Your pod arrived at least five minutes ago. Why isn’t – where is Nicky?”

Joe can’t help himself. A fresh wave of tears springs to his eyes, and he screams to the heavens.

He wants to dive back into the water, swim down, every meter a meter closer to Nicky, until he drowns as close to Nicky as he’ll ever be again.

Nile gasps.

“Joe, Nicky – Nicky made it out, right?”

He doesn’t answer, just sobs, his lungs burning, his throat choked up.

Nile reaches her arms out for him in a futile gesture, since they are both confined to their pods, and anyway, hers are not the arms Joe wants around him right now.

“I am sorry,” he hears Nile whisper, but it doesn’t help either. It feels like nothing will ever help.

If you asked him two days ago, he would have said feeling the sun on his skin again would make him the happiest man ever – it would have been a lie, of course. Kissing Nicky would make him the happiest man ever, and he got to do that, and the sun is reflecting from the water, but nothing will ever make him happy again.

The water has exactly the same colour as Nicky’s eyes.

He should say something to Nile, praise her for making it up here, assure her they would be picked up any minute now, tell her he loves Nicky with all his heart – though she might have some inkling of that by now – but he cannot bring himself to do any of it.

Then he hears the rhythmic sounds of the helicopter blades, and he will be brought to home base, and he will be further away from Nicky than he ever has been since they met, and –

Nile is winched up first, and then Joe. Somebody is interrogating Nile when he is pulled into the chopper.

“Anybody else coming?” a rough voice asks, and Joe curls in upon himself on the floor as he shakes his head.

“We were the last people at the dock,” Nile says hesitantly, “The two of us and – and Nicky – but we were out of oxygen –”

“So we are still waiting for this Nicky then?” the pilot asks, and Nile looks at Joe.

Joe doesn’t answer, can’t speak, wants to get to the base and be left alone for a week – a month – maybe a lifetime.

“I – I don’t think so,” Nile says. “There were not many pods left, and most were damaged, and – and we’ve been up for ten minutes, and –”

She doesn’t finish, but everybody knows what she’s not saying. There was not enough oxygen left for ten minutes. Nicky isn’t coming.

“Sorry,” the first speaker says. “Let’s go, then,” he directs the pilot, and they swerve off. Joe stares to the window, to their floating pods. A boat will come by later, tomorrow or the day after, to retrieve the pods. Somewhere, miles below, is Nicky.

Did he suffer? Did he regret kissing Joe as he died all alone?

Another sobs wrecks through him, and Nile does pull him closer this time, and Joe buries his face against her shoulder as he cries his heart out.

And then suddenly a harsh beeping fills the cabin.

“What the –” the pilot mutters, and the other guy’s voice is hard.

“You said there was nobody else!”

Joe’s heart leaps into his throat.

Nile speaks up.

“We thought – we didn’t know –”

“Could be something else too,” the pilot mutters. “Let’s check.”

The chopper swerves again, and two dots appear as they get closer, but no –

There is a third pod there, and the beacon signal gets louder, almost deafening Joe.

“Joe – Joe, look,” Nile says, and Joe does.

The pod is battered and cracked, an older model by the looks of things. It’s a miracle it made it, any of these fractures look like they could tear the thing in two any second, and –

Nothing.

The hatch doesn’t open, and Joe dies a second time that day. Is it just an empty pod that managed to launch itself somehow?

They get closer, and still no sign of life. The diver is winched down, and he pries open the hatch so agonizingly slowly.

Then they hear his voice through his comms system.

“There is someone in here. Male, unconscious. Twenty-five, thirty, maybe. Brown hair.”

“That your friend?” the pilot asks.

“Yes, maybe,” Nile says, hope dripping from every syllable.

“Older model pod,” the diver continues. “Takes longer to come up. Amazed it even got here, seems to have not been maintained in years.”

The winching up is silent, and it seems to take so much longer than when it was Joe hanging there. Every second is a lifetime.

“He has a mole on his chin,” the diver then says, and Joe doesn’t believe his ears, asks Nile to repeat, but she just hugs him, laughing and crying at the same time.

“It’s Nicky, Joe! It’s him! He made it.”

And then the diver is pulling him in, and it’s Nicky, and he is breathing, and Joe is sobbing again, from joy this time.

The diver puts an oxygen mask on Nicky, and Joe crawls over, cradles Nicky close, kisses his jaw, his hair, his hand.

He’s gonna do that for a long time, if Nicky allows him to. As soon as Nicky wakes up, he will tell him he has loved him since he first saw him, competently bandaging up somebody who had fallen off a ladder, setting a broken bone and wrapping up a deep wound on their temple. He had been talking softly the whole time, reassuring the woman it would be fine, distracting her from the pain, and at the same time managing to keep the woman’s young child calm. He’d been so effortlessly competent and kind and so damn attractive. Joe had introduced himself and Nicky had been adorably shy, and Joe had been hopelessly lost.

And then he’d wasted three years.

And he’ll be damned if he wastes another second.

Nicky opens his eyes, and blinks. Joe smiles, but he must look a freight. And yet, Nicky pulls off the mask, and he mouths Joe’s name, though no sound comes out.

“Nicky,” Joe stutters, and then he decides talking is overrated.

He softly, gently lays his hands on Nicky’s face. He stares into Nicky’s beautiful, beloved eyes, and he bends closer to press his lips on Nicky’s.

There is nothing short about it. They have three years to make up for, and the rest of their life to do it.

[sophlubbwriting]

Shifting to your arms - 03

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Summary: This is a slice-of-life series where you, the reader successfully shifted realities with the goal to spend time with Loki. Nothing too intense.

A/N: I didn’t have that much time to write this week, but I finally finished editing it (an hour to late, hope you don’t mind).

Feel free to shoot me a request and I'll see what I can do!

Taglist: @gingerspicetalks​ @adoreyou976​

Feedback is always appreciated!

Chapter Summary: A nightly meeting with the god of mischief and an intense discussion after a mission briefing where you finally come clean.

Chapter warnings: slight angst, spiders, Loki being Loki

Word count: 1871

One might think your muscles would get used to the way they are strained by the training with Loki, but your muscles decided to be sore and stay sore. Great way to be woken up.

The sun was nowhere to be seen yet, the dim light entering the window however was alluding to its already anticipated arrival.

Turning around in your bed again, your back felt like it was stabbed – which has woken you up and was almost, what had happened yesterday. The god of mischief figured it would be a great idea to show you, how to defend against an attacker who uses knifes and, of course, he never even considered using dummy-knives.

“I would never do so much as to wound you fatally, mortal.” he had assured you and oddly enough, you had believed him. You had to. Everything the god of lies told you sounded true, albeit might be caused by his velvety voice. Somehow, he had been picking up on the effects it had on you. Ever the observer.

As you struggled to stand up, you let out a heavy groan. For as much as you wanted to just sleep it off, you deemed sleeping as impossible. Not with muscles this stiff and not with how much you usually moved while asleep.

With every step you took your thighs stiffened. Stretching might seem like a good idea, but you already knew it would hurt like hell and quite frankly, you didn't have the energy to try it. You've heard somewhere, magnesium would help with sore muscles and as for now, you were more than eager to test your hypothesis.

Usually stuff like that is kept in the kitchen, right?

The oversized T-shirt you wore instead of a regular pyjama reached just above your knees, concealing not only your body shape but being unbelievably comfortable too. Who in their right mind would be awake in these ungodly early morning hours anyway? Changing clothes now was no use.

While the magnesium tablet was dissolving in a glass of water, you saw a box of cocoa powder just waiting on the top shelf above the stove. It towered there, tauntingly, staring down at you because it knew you weren't able to grab it.

A hot cocoa mix. That's what you needed  right now.

Determined, you took a step back and looked at the situation in front of you. There was one rather obvious solution to this:

Climbing.

Your legs were protesting, but you didn't care. You needed that cocoa. Maybe that's the tiredness speaking, but you couldn't live another moment without it. Hot chocolate.

You checked twice that the stove was both turned off and cold, so you wouldn't accidentally burn yourself if you happened to step on it and proceeded to swing a leg on the sideboard. Your shoulders were burning, but you didn't stop as you slowly pushed yourself up. You couldn't let the box win.

Once you managed to balance yourself out and fully straightened up, your eyes were barely below the surface, the box was prominently placed on, but that wasn't an issue. You, unlike the box, had hands, which you would put to use now. Reaching out, you snatched the box and inspected it. After reading all the nifty details from the back of the box, you wondered what the artwork on the front would look like, but you weren't able to look at it.

There was a huge spider, clinging to this side of the box.

Frightened you threw the box away from you and stepped backwards, only to lose your footing on the sideboard. Bracing for impact, you closed your eyes.

But nothing happened.

Confused you slowly opened your eyes back up. There he was, your deus ex machina. His face being mere inches away from your face, the god had hold you in a close embrace to stop you from falling. This in and of itself made it hard enough to keep your composure, but the following conversation only heightened the stakes.

There it was again. That damned voice.

“Oh my, are you falling for me?”

Together with his smirk, this was a deadly combo which short-circuited your brain.

Your thoughts raced faster than you could control them. I have been ever since I first saw you. You wanted to let him know, how you felt.

But you couldn't.

Instead, you opted for a cheeky grin and for the line “you wish”, although in all reality, you were the one wishing. This was torture, being this close to someone you wanted to be even closer with but not being able to be.

What if he would reject you? What if he wouldn't feel comfortable with you being around him any more? What if...

He carefully set you back down on the floor, almost as if he was afraid to break you if he were to drop you too harshly. You were still gazing into each others eyes, lost in the moment and although the spider should have scared you wide awake, this magical moment felt like a dream.

Being lost in his eyes, you stopped taking in anything else but Loki. You didn't notice how soft raindrops were clashing against the windows, you didn't notice how the sun was rising or how bright it had become.

And you most definitely did not notice, how the scary spider was dissolving into green mist.

------------------------

After Tony had laid out your mission, you didn't quite know how to react. You were being sent on a real mission, together with the god of mischief. Just the two of you, only 48 hours left to prepare and your thoughts were racing.

Meanwhile, Loki looked unfazed by the mission, although he shot you a quick look. He knew you were capable of defending yourself and others, but attacking someone else was something different. Whenever you had tried to surprise him with an attack during your training, he had told you how you weren't ready just yet.

You had to think about possible excuses, not to go on this mission. Tell them the truth? You weren't sure how they would handle it. Would they call you an imposter? Imprison you? Besides, a literal god would be fighting right next to you. Everything would be okay.

“You seem rather nervous, my dear. Is everything alright?” The god of chaos averted your attention back to the conversation.

He spoke with the same nonchalant tone he used if someone different than you was within earshot, but if you weren't mistaken, there was a hint of concern hidden behind it this time. Before you could calm him down, the rich kid chimed in.

“Opposed to you, Reindeer Games, our sweet agent here has been on multiple missions similar to this already. It should be smooth sailing, even if you decide to turn on us and abandon both the mission and your partner.”

Oh no.

You saw over to Loki whose smirk was filled with amusement as he was declaring to Tony how he would never betray anyone in his life. He would soon realise something didn't add up. How could you have been on multiple infiltration missions without being able to fight?

At least you didn't have to make an effort and control your thoughts around him any more. Whenever there had been a small thought you weren't able to contain, he didn't seem to notice it, so why try to keep up a facade if no one would even realise it was there?

You left the room while Tony was still trying to threaten Loki out of betraying anyone. Your feet lead you to the gym where you planned on meeting the god of mischief once got bored of talking with Tony and you anticipated it to take five minutes, tops.

After spending some time beating up a punching bag, you heard someone walk in. You didn't have to turn around to know it was him.

“Explain yourself” the voice demanded harshly. He didn't even try to sugar-coat his words, he was disappointed. Probably hurt.

But you couldn't confront him with the truth, could you? You weren't ready, so you feigned innocence.

“What do you mean?”

It was no use. As you turned around and saw him standing there, visibly sad. He knew, although not everything. He knew you lied to him and that was enough to break both his and your hearts.

Loki didn't deserve this.

“You know exactly what I mean.” he looked like he barely kept himself from crying, but his voice was now steady and... cold? Now your heart felt like it was being shattered. “How have you done multiple missions, some of which were solo, despite being barely able to fight? What is the truth, mortal?”

Gone were the pleasantries you were used to, gone were the words 'darling' and 'my dear'.  Now you were just called 'mortal', one of many, easily exchangeable to him. You never thought words this small could hurt this bad.

“You wouldn't believe me.”

That was all you could mutter now, the only thought consuming your mind. He wouldn't believe me. The god of lies however insisted he would believe you, provided you told him the truth. This was your last chance to come clear and you both knew that.

“I-” you started insecurely, looking left and right in hopes of finding the right words to use somewhere in the room.

“I am not...”

Your eyes were slowly filling up with tears. This was harder than expected.

“I'm not... from here.”

In a poor attempt to hide your tears you looked down at the floor, but you were sure he saw them since one or two drops managed to fall from your eyes onto the floor.

“Neither do I”

This simple response made you chuckle, what in turn calmed your nerves. You looked up again and your eyes met his. Maybe he would understand.

“I mean... I am not from this reality.”

Silence. Loki didn't ask any questions, but you were sure he had plenty. Who wouldn't?

Fidgeting around with the seams of your shirt, you decided to elaborate a little bit more. “It is... kind of a long story which I feel like I couldn't explain properly, but I managed to shift realities so I can be here.” A heavy weight was dropped from your shoulders as you proceeded to tell him about how life was in your reality and, most importantly, how the Avengers are non-existent.

The last part caught Loki's attention and he thought for a few seconds about it. “So, am I just a mere work of fiction, too?”

You hesitated with your answer and he noticed. Of course he did.

“In... in my reality, yes, but in this reality you are very real.” You gave him an encouraging smile and he nodded understandingly.

“I think therefore I am. So, my dear, why did you... shift realities?”

His prying eyes saw right through you, it was almost as if he already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear you admit it.

“I did it so I could see you, Loki.”

[pinkprimrose05]

GX Month Day 7: Ojama Delta Thunder!!

@gxmonth

"That’s right! You know what today is! Today we celebrate The Chazz, the one and only Manjoume Thunder! Give sparky boi a hug!"

...I'm not giving Manjoume a hug. I...*cackles evilly* am gonna make him suffer as much as the actual Duel Links players do, maybe even more. And I'm not the least bit sorry, because hey, he gets something out of it in the end!

Manjoume Jun was not having a good day.

The Ojama Duelist grumbled to himself, kicking a non-existent pebble into the air as he made his way to the Duel Studio. The picturesque environment of Duel Links -too clean, too perfect- never ceased to amaze him and many others, but right now, he was too damn pissed to care about that.

After all, it's hard for one to appreciate the technology behind a game's setting when that same technology had just fucked up their entire collection of cards- And in the middle of a Duel no less!

The door slid open as he walked through, revealing rows upon rows of multicolored tables placed on either side of the massive ground floor that was the Deck Editor section, leaving a clear path to the spiraling staircase of clear blue glass that led to the Card Catalog and several other, more obscure sections. After all, the Deck Editor was the single most popular part of the Duel Studio, if the couple dozen Duelists buzzing around all day long were anything to go by.

Manjoume plopped down on a chair at the first empty table he could find, fishing out the single Deck box in his pocket and dropping it on the yellow, round surface. The twenty cards inside the box spilled out over the table (he had hundreds of those for fuck's sake!), and their owner groaned in frustration as he rifled through his completely reset Deck....Scratch that, it wasn't even his own Starter Deck. Battle Warrior? Flame Manipulator? What the hell?!

Briefly, he considered the benefits of marching up to Isono and demanding an explanation and solution to what happened, but that idea was shot down almost immediately. It's not like the guy would be of actual help; the last time someone asked about a bug in the game Isono had literally told them, quote unquote "Please ensure that no other house utilites are interrupting your connection, such as a microwave oven.", and while Manjoume was no tech expert, even he could tell how much of a half-assed excuse that was.

Stupid Duel Links and its stupid customer service-

"Manjo-kuuuuuuun!!"

Startled out of his thoughts, Manjoume only had enough time to gasp before a familiar blue blur put him in an unexpectedly tight headlock, already rambling at rapidfire speed straight in his ears.

"I'm so glad I could find you today!!" Kylie squealed "Had no idea I'd see you here, but that doesn't matter- do you wanna Duel?? I've been working on a new Deck and combos for days now and I can't wait to show you-" the second-year abruptly paused when she caught sight of the cards spread on the table, letting go of Manjoume in favor of taking a better look at them "Waaiiiit a minute, what's with those cards? They don't look like anything you normally play-"

"-It's Manjoume-san." He sharply interjected in a mix of annoyance and exasperation, shooting a glare at the oblivious blunette standing next to him as he massaged his neck "And yes, those aren't my cards. The game just randomly decided to reset my connection in the middle of a Rank-Up Duel of all things, yeet off all my Decks into nonexistence, and then gave me a shitty Starter in exchange, so now I'm stuck with almost zero gems and no way to recover my progress, which is just fucking splendid considering how close we are to the next KC Cup."

Manjoume sighed "Fuck this. Just, fuck this."

Truthfully, he wasn't as mad about the progress he lost as he was about losing his cards. It hadn't even been thirty minutes and, while he'd never admit it out loud, he already missed his trio of obnoxious Ojamas. They've been through thick and thin together, and it felt unnatural to have them just up and disappear like that. The last time they've been away from him wasn't exactly something he wanted to remember, and while the situation here was nowhere as severe as the Dark World, it still felt wrong for the air around him to be so quiet.

Kylie, who was uncharacteristically quiet as she listened to her 'friend' ranting about his current predicament, nodded along "So you...basically got your account reset?"

"No shit, Sherlock." Manjoume deadpanned in response. Kylie put a hand to her chin, humming thoughtfully with closed eyes, before suddenly slamming a hand on the table and nearly shocking him into falling off his chair.

"I GOT IT!" She exclaimed, snapping her fingers with a bright grin "This reset bug happened once to someone I know- I don't know if you remember Ruby from Heartland Academy, but anyway, she also lost all her progress a couple months ago after she got booted out of a Duel, and it turned out that her cards were just scattered all around the Duel World, so we went around asking everyone we could if they saw them, Dueled those who had some, and we got all her cards back in the end. It must be the same with yours, so let's get going and find them all!!"

Without warning, she grabbed the Legendary Duelists's hand, hauling him up and out of the Deck Editor before he could even get out a word. Manjoume gasped and spluttered along the way, trying to tell his companion to slow down a bit to no avail; as talking someone like Kylie out of anything was like trying to build a Deck around Cold Feet.

That didn't stop him from actually looking around and asking, though. If there was even the slightest chance of him finding his cards this way, then he'd be damned if he didn't at least try and go through with it. Compared to staking it out at the North Pole for a barely synergic mishmash of a Deck, to going down a haunted well in an empty forest for a bunch of 0-ATK monsters that were -figuratively and literally- bottom of the barrel, Dueling a couple chumps and scavenging for some lost cards was nothing, and he was ready to do so much more to get his partners back.

"See? I told you Aniki would come find us in the end!"

...I take back everything I said, Manjoume thought, cringing in disgust as Ojama Green and Black hugged each other and began prancing around him in circles, babbling and crying tears of joy while they were at it How could I ever miss this shitfest?

He just did, somehow. It hadn't taken too long to find the two Ojamas anyway; the sound of them banshee screeching weeping their asses off by the fountain was all he needed to know they were somewhere out there, and by some lucky miracle, their cards didn't get sprayed to oblivion with all the water by the time he came to retrieve them. As for his other cards, he and Kylie had stopped by the Shop, the Card Trader, the PvP Arena, the Gate and the Duel School, asking everyone they could about his cards, and beating the shit out of those who had some and refused to give them back

(Well, Manjoume was the one who did that, and only to Evan and Zachary, but that wasn't the point here, was it?)

By the time they decided to return to the Duel Studio for a small break, they'd gathered practically all of his key cards. He couldn't care less for the bunch of staples he lost -he'd just reroll the Selection Box or whatever-, so the only missing card that actually mattered, as much as it stung his ego to admit it...

...was Ojama Yellow. And after what happened with his brothers (and with Fairy Dragon, which he found resting on top of a very inconveniently high branch of a tree), Manjoume fully expected the third Ojama to be sleeping in the trash can or somewhere equally stupid. Because if he wasn't, he'd have found him before any other card by simply following the sound of high-pitched crying mixed with a lot of screaming and weird Ojama noises-

-A sudden rattling sound interrupted the noiret's thoughts for the second time that day, and when he stopped to locate its source, he let out a long, drawn-out sound between a sigh and a groan. Surely enough, the sound was coming from the trash can by the cliff, which was shaking wildly and practically begging to be opemed. Feeling a migraine coming up, Manjoume turned left, walked up to the can, and with some difficulty, pried the lid off.

"ANIKIIIII!!"

He instantly regretted it (he didn't) when the snot-faced creature that was Ojama Yellow exploded in his face, crying uncontrollably as he tried to hug Manjoume (keyword being 'tried'). His brothers all but sprang up from their cards, meeting him in a hug midair and effectively plucking him off his master for a bit as they all laughed and cried and did everything in between.

"Aww, look at how happy they are!" Kylie gushed, eyes almost sparkling. She lightly smacked Manjoume's back "You sure have a funny bunch of spirits, luckyyyy~"

Swatting away the Ojama trio and a pair of Catnipped Kitties before they tried sneaking up on him for a hug, Manjoume folded his arms and snorted in response "Yeah, sure."

But regardless, he found his lips quirking up in spite of himself. If it were me from three years ago, he mused I wouldn't have bothered with any of this in the first place.

But this wasn't the him from three years ago. This was the him of today, the Manjoume Thunder who'd gone through so much shit and learned from it to become a better Duelist, a better Duelist, and a better person. And while he had many people to thank for that, he also had to give credit for the monster spirits that followed him through all of the aforementioned shit, because as cringy, messy, bombastic and obnoxious as they might be, they were his partners, and he wouldn't give them up for anything in this world-

"WILL YOU FUCKING STOP THAT??!!"

-Unless they tried to hug him again. Pissed beyond reason, Manjoume chased after the quintet of Level 2's, ignoring Kylie's hysteric laughter and the surprised yelps from other Duelists as they dashed around the area in circles, all the noise merging into a cacophony of angry hollering and frightened squeaking, among other sounds.

In the end, some things never change....for better or for worse.

~~~~~~

Screw the actual Duel Links game for not including most of Manjoume's low-ATK monsters in his Starter/Lv 10 Deck (why tf is Catnipped Kitty a main Box card 4 years after his release?), and double screw them for splitting his Ojamas and Dragons into separate Decks.

I hate how his higher level Decks in the game completely disregard the former half of his cards; those are the ones that actually stuck with him in a meaningful way, not the Armed Dragons...they deserve some more recognition, so why not mix both archrtypes and slap in Ojamatch?

Also, yes, Standard Duelists actually exist here, so I decided to throw in my favorite GX girl AKA Kylie and have her interact a bit, and boy is she fun to write.

Headcanon: Kylie considers Manjoume (and everyone else, but especially him) her best friend because she basically has Yuuma's mentality of 'Anyone I Duel becomes an amigo!', and by sheer dumb luck, the two keep logging in at the same time and often get matched up in PvP Duels.

That's part of why she's so familiar with him (and also why she calls him Manjo-kun) and as you can see, Jun does not approve.

Aaaand this would be everything for Day 7! Expect to see me again...in a week from now. By Day 15 to be exact. In the meantime, if you’d like to follow my prompts for the month, I’m posting them all on ArchiveofOurOwn: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33473653/chapters/83489824

[airi-p4]

Last chance - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |  AO3 This chapter is Luka's POV of what happened before day 6 and during chapter 3 (present time). 

___________________________________________

Luka’s POV

6  days earlier - somewhere in United States of America

As soon as I reach the airport with Chloe, our private jet is already ready, with her loyal assistant (butler?) ready to take the controls of the plane. Who would have thought Mister Jean… what was his name again? Jean-Paul? Jean-Pierre? Jean-Pascal? Whatever. We have a pilot and we can reach Paris in a few hours.

The plan is to get there and use Adrien's private plane instead of Chloe's to go to Tibet: a safer plane for difficult flying conditions, that’s mostly it.

Adrien… it's been a while since we talked. I wonder if he hates me like Chloe used to. Was he even aware of Chloe's revenge plans? I can't deny I'm curious, but these aren't the thoughts that occupy my mind at the moment.

There's still a few hours left and I can't stop thinking about Marinette's messages.

'I love you'

Is it for real? This isn't some kind of hidden camera, isn't it? Can I trust these words? I certainly want to… but should I? I need to hear it directly from her to believe it. I don't want to keep my hopes up just to sink deeper.

No matter what, I need to arrive earlier than the time Alix created for us. I need to stop her from doing something stupid and unnecessary.

Please… let me save her. Let me make it in time. Let me help her find her happiness. That's all I've ever wanted… What can I do to help her? Am I really the one she wants? Can I really help her? What if I'm not enough?

A big sigh leaves from my mouth.

"Baby, you should rest. You haven't slept much tonight, haven't you? There are still some hours left. Try to get some sleep"

This… is unexpectedly considerate from Chloe. I'm relieved her attitude has improved after these years. Hell, I wouldn't have proposed to her if I weren't sure she had changed. But her plans against Marinette… Oh, that’s right. I still have some talking to do with her. But maybe I should listen to her advice and get some rest first.

"Thanks, ho- Chloe"

Stupid habits. I need to stop calling her ‘honeybee’ already. Ugh… it's not as easy as I expected… I'm the type of man who likes stability… habits are hard to break for me.

I don't need to see Chloe’s face to notice her heart song is now sad and remorseful. My eyes are closed, but I can't sleep. Worries about Marinette keep my mind occupied. But it seems at some point I had entered my dreamlands. I really was exhausted, no wonder. A music video recording plus wedding preparations with Chloe is some energy-draining combo.

"Where are we now? How much time until Paris?"

"Still a long way. You've only slept for 30 minutes. Get some more rest, baby, you’ll need it"

"No. I'm fine. I got enough sleep. Instead… We should talk"

I’m trying to sound serious and not scary, but I’m not sure if I’m accomplishing it… probably not.

"Oh… already? You didn't need to think much, huh? Geez. All this is ridiculous. Am I that easily disposable to you?"

"You know that's not it, Chloe. You know I care for you. But you also know my feelings for Marinette are… never going to fade. I don't know if she's still the same girl she was when we used to spend time together, but if she is… Then I know my heart won't hesitate"

"Yeah… I've always known that. Always Dupain-Cheng. I've never been good enough for you"

"Hey! That’s not true. Don't take it as if you're not extraordinary, Chloe, because you are. And I’m sure there's someone out there ready to notice and appreciate you. You deserve better than me"

"Well, I don't care about that 'someone out there'. All I want is you, Luka! Is staying with me even an option for you? Has it ever been? Why did you propose to me if you planned to throw me away as soon as you had the chance to?"

She's hurt. Horribly hurt. Still working her pride to cover how devastated she actually is. But the tears on her eyes are not doing a very good job to hide it.

I feel horrible.

And I have no excuse.

I never expected Marinette to return my feelings. But if she really does… I have to be honest with Chloe. She deserves the truth.  

"No, hon- Chloe. I'm sorry. I never planned to use you as a rebound. I wanted to marry you, for real. I really tried to move on. I’ve wished for Marinette's happiness over everything, and... If I had known she wasn't happy… things would have gone differently, no doubt. I’m sorry for hurting you. You don’t deserve it"

"You would have run to her the instant she broke Adrien's heart if you had known about her feelings. You’ve never loved me like you love Marinette, not even close if you’re able to decide this fast to dump me even when our wedding is coming soon. You have no shame"

Wow, her words surely sting. Who is supposed to be the snake one here? Oh, well. I guess she wasn't a wasp for nothing…

"I wouldn't have met you if I had known she wasn’t happy. I don't regret the time we have spent together. I love you too, just in a different way"

"Do I have a chance to win you back?"

Straight to the point, huh? Typical of her. I don’t want to hurt her, but I need to be honest with her.

"I don't know. Probably not, I'm not going to lie. But I really wish for your happiness and I wish we could still be friends when everything is over"

Ah... I can feel that deadly glare pierces through my heart. Wow, she’s really angry. And hurt. Not that I can complain. It’s totally understandable and I deserve the hate. Anger over embarrassment, huh?

"Give me a percentage. What are my chances?"

What an unbelievable question. But it’s so Chloe. I blink a few times as I think of a proper answer. I like her, I can’t deny that. But if Marinette is ready to accept me this time… I’m not going to reject or ignore her and regret it forever. No more.

"Love and feelings don't work with percentages, hone- Ugh. Chloe. They're uncontrollable, beyond our understanding and wishes. But... if you insist on a number… a 2% maybe? I don't know. Almost 0% if Marinette's feelings are true and her heart song remains unchanged"

"That’s so low it’s ridiculous... Hmph! But it’s still not a 0, so I don’t have to give up yet. I'm not losing to Dupain-Cheng again. Not without putting on a fight, at least!"

I can't help it but giggle. She's adorable in her own way.

"Good luck, then."

To be honest, a part of me doesn't want to break up with Chloe. Even if her original reasons to approach me had evil intentions, I know she has changed now. But if Marinette's feelings are for real… if she really turned her heart towards me… that's all I've ever wished for. And I'm not going to run away from her.

Not again. Not anymore.

But first...

"Hon- I mean- Chloe. I want you to return me the ring I gave you”

"WHAT!? NO!! No way I'm giving it up! You're still my fiancée! At least until everything is over or until we get married. I really hope it’s this second option, let me tell you! I have no intention of canceling our Wedding!"

Stubborn as always, huh? I sigh again.

"OK. You can keep it for now. But you're returning it to me when everything is over”

Chloe seemed to be about to say something, but she stopped.

“Hmph”

Her face then buries on my shoulder and I hug her a little, patting her head. She’s mad and sad, of course. And her bawling starts, like a baby. I feel bad for breaking her heart like this and I’m sorry for her. I’m the worst... I wish she finds her happiness and someone who can fully love her as she deserves.

___________________________________________

My eyes open again at the sound of the PA message.

“Landing in 10 minutes”

Chloe has fallen asleep with me at some point. We exchange looks and a nod, preparing for the arrival to Paris. I look at Chloe. I know she’s afraid of landings, so I hold her hand, like always, and I notice her relax a bit, closer to me. Damn, she's cute when she’s scared.

And here we are: Paris.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been home. But I won’t be staying long. The Eiffel Tower looks as pretty as I remember it. Home... I wonder if I can go back when everything is over...

Adrien’s bodyguard (doesn't he have a name?) is waiting for us at the airport. He grabs Chloe's massive amount of luggage (when did she have the time to prepare it?) and guides us to Adrien's private plane.

The plane is definitely bigger. Just how rich is the Agreste family? Did Marinette really renounce owning part of this empire? I know she’s not interested in money or fame, but if she really gave it up for me, then I’m more than flattered. It still doesn’t sound real, though.

The Gorilla leads us inside and everyone is waiting for us there: Alya, Nino and Adrien. I can immediately notice the tension in the air when they see me. Wary of Adrien’s and my reaction. Nothing to be surprised about, I guess…  

And there's Adrien, handsome as ever, standing in the middle of the plane and looking at me with his intense emerald green eyes. Before I can move or speak he takes the first step and hugs me.

"Luka!"

"Hey. Nice to see you, Adrien" I hug him back as I hear his friend's relieved sighs. What did they expect?

Adrien looks like he really wants to have a word with me. Something serious. And I'm quite sure I know exactly what it is. But before he opens his mouth...

"Hey, Adrikins! I'm here too, you know? Where's my hug?"

Chloe. She really doesn't know how to read the mood. Geez... Well, go on, I signal to Adrien, who follows Chloe's petition.

"That’s better. Now bring me my favorite drink and let me sleep for a while. Make it double in alcohol. I’ll be at the back of the plane. Don’t disturb me!"

And there she goes, disappearing through the aisle. I can't help it but smile. That's so Chloe: looking for an excuse to cry alone at her heart content. I’ll check on her later, but she'll have to get used to it.

I exchange some greetings with Alya and Nino before Adrien calls me again.

"Luka, come here. We need to talk"

"Yeah, I figured. Can I do something first?"

The plane is getting ready for take-off, but I make sure to grab the speaker first.

"Hello everyone. Luka here. First of all, I want to thank you all for coming. Sorry it's been so rushed, but the cause demands immediate action. As you may know, Marinette is trying to use some of the Miraculous for her own benefit and we can't allow that. Adrien may know better than me, but the universe’s balance could break because of that and we can’t let it happen. Since there's a long way until Tibet, we'll hold a strategy reunion when we get closer. Miraculous team: let's save Marinette, let's save Ladybug! Now get some rest and we'll discuss the strategy details later. Thank you for your attention"

After some claps, I return to my seat next to Adrien. Take off takes place without incidents and we can reassume our conversation.

"Luka… I-... I want to apologize to you. I'm sorry... Back then... I hurt you, didn't I? I didn't know you had feelings for Marinette and yet… all the advice I asked you for… whenever you joined our dates… you never looked sad and… Why didn't you tell me? I would have been more careful and-"

Yeah… Giving Adrien advice definitely hurt me. Seeing how happy Marinette was after he followed my indications to surprise or make her happy made it even worse. But Marinette was happy and Adrien was happy too and I convinced myself that it was enough for me to be happy too (for a while, at least…).

"I just wished for your happiness, Adrien. My friend's happiness makes me happy too”

"But Marinette's not a friend to you. Why did you leave? She’s never been the same since you left… I couldn’t fill in for you in her heart…”

“One-sided love hurts, Adrien. It’s like a double-edged blade. You can be happy for the one you love but lonely for not having them by your side as you wish”

“That’s- I see… It makes sense…” he pauses and looks straight to my eyes. “Luka, do you still love Marinette? Will I be able to understand your feelings better if you two get together? I still love Marinette but I’ve only seen her unhappy since you left and I hate it. Can you make her happy again?”

His green eyes are honest as usual. I keep holding my gaze, never breaking eye contact as I answer his questions.

“Adrien… I’ll be honest with you: I love Marinette, I’ve always had. Since the first moment she appeared in front of me, even now. All I’ve ever wished was for her happiness. I confessed to her and she never gave me an answer. She was in love with you. And I was happy for her happiness with you. That’s why I left: I didn’t want my feelings to interfere with your relationship. I had no chances anyway… You know: destiny is supposed to be unavoidable. I could have never imagined you two not getting a fairy-tale-like happily ever after”

“But it happened. Destiny didn’t work this time... Why didn’t you say goodbye? It broke Marientte’s heart the way you left, I was hurt too. I thought we were friends”

“And we are friends, Adrien. Wouldn’t you have asked me to stay if I had told you? That’s why I never did. And then there’s…”

“There’s what?”

“I don’t know if Marinette has ever told you, but I kissed her. The day before leaving. I know I should have been more considerate about you but I was selfish. I needed to move on and… Oh, but she rejected me immediately. ‘I hate you’, she told me. How could I stay after that?”

"That's- I see. She never told me that… That explains… many things, actually… But that doesn’t change the fact you weren’t there for her when she needed you the most”

“I left my contact open for her, Adrien, but she never contacted me. Hell. I thought you were married until yesterday!”

“Wha- Why? Didn’t you see the news? It was everywhere! The press wouldn’t stop following us around for a while… The gorilla even went to trial for punching one ‘journalist’ while protecting me”

“Wow, that’s rough. I’m sorry this happened to you”

“Marinette’s case was even worse… They even managed to sneak into her office. No chill. I think that was the start of her depression… Wait! Yours and Chloé’s news was what made them stop, now that I think about it… Maybe that was the true reason they left us alone… and the true reason after Marinette’s depression...”

“I didn’t know… Chloé made sure to hide all those news from me”

“Why would she do that?”

“She did it for you. And for herself. But you should ask her directly. Phew, I was scared to ask but I’m glad you weren’t aware of her plans”

“What plans?”

“You should ask her about it. I don’t know much about them, to be honest, but she wanted to get Marinette back with you and keep me out of your way”

I shrug my shoulders and Adrien makes a surprised face that makes me smile.

“Chloe… never learns, doesn’t she?” he says, and I chuckle at his words.

“Isn’t that one of her charms?”

“Maybe?”

It’s nice we can laugh together after all what happened. I’m happy to have Adrien back as a friend.

“Hey, Luka. I want you to be honest with me. Do you love Chloe? What do you plan to do when this is over?”

I’m not surprised at Adrien’s question. But I’m not sure what answer he is expecting.

“What would you like me to say?”

“Tell me your true feelings. Both Marinette and Chloe deserve to be happy. But they both love you and you can only be with one of them. I’m going to encourage you whatever your decision is”

Adrien has really matured, hasn’t he? I’m glad we’re on good terms, sincerely speaking, no hard feelings. Just like old times. I guess I missed him too.

“The truth is… I don’t know. You all keep saying Marinette has feelings for me but it’s still hard for me to believe it. I don't think I can believe it until I hear it coming out her mouth. But… If she really does love me the same way I love her… Then I’m never leaving her side again”

“So Marinette will finally get her happiness… that’s good, I’m relieved. What will you do about Chloe?”

“We’ve already discussed it. Our engagement is practically broken and, as much as it pains me, our relationship can’t go on. I’m sorry. I know she’s your childhood friend”

“She must be very sad and angry now... I’ve never seen her so in love before. You really mean a lot to her”

“And I care for her, too. But Marinette…”

“Yes, I know. Marinette is amazing, isn’t she? How can she be so cute and strong at the same time? How can one not fall for her? I don’t think I need to tell you this, though”

“Certainly not”

Funny how we can laugh together about loving the same girl. I’m glad I got to talk to Adrien from man to man, from friend to friend. I hope we can keep in touch from now on. But I won’t stop him if he ever wants to stop contacting me. Because I did the same at some point and I would understand his reasons.

“What are you going to do, Adrien?”

“Me...? Do I have a choice? Marinette has stopped contacting me after we broke up. I doubt she wants to see me anymore. But I can’t ignore her when she’s asking for help. And I want to help you too. I’ll wish her happiness from the shadows, like I’ve been trying to do for a while��

“Adrien… Don’t take it in a bad way, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Look at me. I had to leave exactly for that same reason. I’m not saying this out of fear or jealousy, but as a friend: why don’t you try to move on? I’m sure you can find happiness. You’re young and handsome, and you have one of the purest hearts songs I’ve ever heard”

“How do you expect me to forget about Marinette, Luka? You should know that it’s impossible… It’s fine, I’ll live with it”

Well. I can't disagree with his words. He's totally right. But I still want to support him.

“Hey, you can count on me anytime, ok? I’m sure you’ll find the right person when you expect it the least, you’ll see”

“I don’t think so… but thanks for your words. I’m happy to have you as my friend”

“I’m glad too. Don’t worry, it will be fine. You deserve happiness, Adrien”

It’s only at this point when I notice the time.

“Oh, look at the time. Should we start our strategy meeting?”

“Sure, I’ll let Alya and Nino know. Can you get Chloe? I doubt she wants any of us to see her… you know…”

“Got it. Meeting in 10 minutes”

__________________________________________

As expected, Chloe is crying with her eye mask on at the back of the plane, lying down on her first-class like seat. The bottle of her wine is empty. Great...

“Hey honeybee- Chloe!” Damn habits! “It’s time for the strategy meeting. C’mon, show me your face”

Wow, her eyes are red and puffy as I remove her eye mask. Can she even stand up? She looks like she’s about to throw up. Great… I bring her a cold towel and a disposable bag and pat her back a little while I check her temperature. No fever at least. Good.

“C’mon Chloe, answer me”

“I’m not going… Let me sleep, snacky. Or kiss me and I’ll go. Yeah, kiss me…”

And there she goes, bawling again. That’s why I never let her drink… I guess she’ll have to miss the meeting.

“Have some sleep. I’ll explain you the plan when the discussion is over”

“No… Don’t go… Stay with me… Don’t leave me…”

Ah… honest Chloe is finally talking. I wish she didn’t need the alcohol for that. Crap, since when was her grip that strong? She’s not letting go of my jacket. I can’t help it but roll my eyes. I kiss her forehead to distract her and remove my jacket. Good thing I’m fast enough to avoid her catching my shirt next.

“Sleep well. See you later”

Ah… There she goes again- the crying. I wish the pain in my heart could finally end… I hate seeing her like that.

But what else can I do? If I have one last chance with Marinette, I’m definitely not going to waste it.

Wait for us, Marinette. We’re coming back to you.

_________________

The meeting goes on smoothly. We discuss the essential: how to reach the cave (Adrien has the Miraculous Compass that should lead us there), which Miraculous could be used and how to act in any case (keeping special attention to the absolute power of creation and destruction Miraculous used together and the rabbit Miraculous, which was most likely the one planned to be used), and finally, how to proceed if anything goes unplanned.

One more thing is decided: the team will be led by me. I’m not really comfortable giving commands, but I guess the cause requires some leadership, and with my experience with the snake Miraculous, Adrien, Nino, and Alya all agree I’m the best fit for that role. I have no choice but to accept. Failure is not an option.

There’s something more to take into consideration: Alya’s state. She has just had a baby and her body is not ready for harsh action, so I need to make sure she has a back-up role, nothing dangerous.

We come to an agreement that what we must try first is to stop Marinette from using the rabbit Miraculous. And, if we can’t stop her at step 1, stop her at step 2, before she can enter the time portal. It’s game over if she gets in.

No resets available- a one chance mission.

We can’t afford to lose.

And in case absolute power is called… We don't have much knowledge about it, but we’ll have to try to remove her Miraculous or make her pass out before she can ask for her wish. Nino, Adrien, and I should have enough strength to stop her and carry out the mission- if there are no surprises. And if it fails, Alya is carrying some chloroform to make her sleep in a few seconds - or at least that’s how it works in movies, according to Nino.

After setting the plan, I return to Chloe’s side and try to get some more sleep. I tell her about the plan, and she just nods “Why didn’t you give me a role?” she asks, but I have no answer to that. I guess I can’t trust her around Marinette… But I better not tell her that. I already feel bad. I really don't want to hurt her unnecessarily any further.

At this point, I’m not sure why I keep looking after Chloe this much. Is it because of love? Pity? Remorse? Worry? Habits? Ugh… Habits can really be bad, can’t they? Here am I, holding her hand at her sleep again. I really should stop this… but my eyelids are so heavy…

“Landing in 10 minutes”

I shake at the call and get Chloe on her seat, fasten our seatbelts, and get ready for imminent landing. Poor Chloe is not even awake, she’ll surely get surprised when we touch the floor.

“UaAh!!”

See? What a jump! I can’t stop laughing at her reaction. And now she’s angry and embarrassed. Cute.

“Stop laughing!”

Oh. She should know at this point this only makes me laugh louder. Chloé is funny. Not the same funny as Marinette, but still funny. Damn… I miss Marinette's laugh and funny actions… But maybe I shouldn’t think of her now that I have a deadly glare on me. I can feel a chill going down my spine. Chloe can be really scary when she’s angry...

______________________

And we finally arrive at the Temple of the Miraculous.

It's good Adrien's Compass is working well. And it's also a good thing Adrien can speak Chinese because we would be screwed otherwise. But Adrien's translation gives us some bad news.

“We can’t go to the cave…”

“What!? Why not, bro?”

“Only the Guardian can enter the cave… Unless the guardian is with us, we can’t go in. And they said Marinette is already inside… so the gate is closed again”

Silence surrounds us for a moment, until Alya breaks it to speak- shout.

“No! This can’t be!! What are we going to do now!? I’ve never heard of anything like this in my research! There has to be a way! We can't just stay here and do nothing!”

“I know Alya… But I have an idea… I don’t know if it will work but… It may take us at least one or two days too... but maybe…”

Adrien doesn’t look confident, but we don’t have any other ideas, so it’s worth giving it a try. I want to do anything to save Marinette. Hell. We must save her at any cost!

“It’s ok, Adrien! Tell us! We need to rescue Marinette!”

God, did I sound as desperate as I am? It’s difficult to keep my cool when it’s Marinette related stuff, even if I’m trying hard. Yep, Chloe’s glare confirms it… Desperate. Of course I am! What do you expect? Shit. Focus, Luka! I need to pay attention to what Adrien has to say.

“Listen. I know the previous guardian of the Miraculous, Master Fu. He’s the one that entrusted me and Marinette our Miraculous at first”

“Good, we have a guardian then. Where is this Fruit person?”

“Chloe, show some respect” I warn her. ”Tell us, Adrien”

“That’s the bad thing… He’s in London but… he lost his memories after passing the Miraculous box to Marinette. He doesn’t have his knowledge anymore…”

Everyone becomes quiet, pensative, and Alya is once again the one to break the silence.

“What are we going to do, then!?”

All looks focus back on Adrien and he starts talking again. Everyone is listening to him carefully.

“I have a plan. We’ll go get him anyway first. We’ll take him in front of the monks of the Temple, and explain the situation. Maybe… if anyone here recognizes him, an exception can be made for us. I would destroy that stupid door if I had my Cataclysm, but it seems Master Fu is our only chance. What do you say?”

“Well… it’s uncertain and risky, but we have no choice. We should leave as soon as we can. No time to waste”

“But we’ve just arrived! Don’t be ridiculous, baby”

“Nino, Alya and Chloe can stay here. Adrien and I will go get him” I tell them and they nod. Except Chloe… as expected.

“Oh no! No way! If you’re going I’m going too!”

“Chloe, don’t be childish. Stay and wait here. Try to find out as much as you can about the Temple, the cave and the miraculous meanwhile. Will be back soon”

“HEY!”

Chloe tries to follow us but is stopped by Nino, who wishes us a safe flight.

“Take care and good luck”

And there we go, Adrien and I rushing to the plane once again.

Next stop: London

______________________

It wasn’t easy to convince Master Fu to come with us when he can’t remember Adrien, but somehow we managed to after insisting for a whole two days. Well, Adrien did, as expected.

After using one of the Zodiac Miraculous, one of the monks recognized Master Fu, and lent him one of the Miraculous with memory-related powers.

And old Master Fu was back. Along with his knowledge.

The old man cried and apologized to the monks for his mistake when he was young, and then to Adrien, for leaving them alone against Hawk Moth. Adrien then explained the situation with Marinette to Master Fu but the shock of what was happening was too big for him and he passed out for some hours.

As soon as he recovered he rushed to the gate to open the door, but nothing: memories and knowledge weren't enough to open the gate. He needed to become the guardian again, so they started a ritual to give him the guardian status permanently. The ritual took a few days… and we finally made it. Just in time: day 6.

Finally! Waiting while unable to do anything was frustrating and stressful.

Will we make it on time?

We need to hurry.

And it looks like a joke how easily the Master could open the gate to enter the cave after having his previous status back. We had tried everything and nothing. And yet, with one sole finger, Master Fu could completely open it. The power of the Guardian is surely impressive.

I nod to the team and we hurry inside, each one of us carrying a torch. Nino is taking care of Alya, who at the same time is looking up for Master Fu. Adrien is slightly in front of me and Chloe is grabbing my jacket from behind, scared of the dark. We move deeper into the cold darkness that surrounds us, guided only by Adrien’s compass.

Here we go, Marinette. Please, wait a little longer.

Don’t leave us. Don’t leave me!

___________________________

Torches guide us through darkness and we finally arrive at the room the Miraculous rest in. My throat hurts like hell from the shouting, but I don’t care if I’m not able to sing ever again: Marinette is much more important than that to me.

And there she is, in her rabbit miraculous suit and in front of the time portal: Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

I can only see her from afar but she looks beautiful in that suit…  long ears on her head and a cute ponytail. Wow. But now is not the time to admire her beauty. We must stop her before she disappears forever!

I'm so relieved we made it on time before she acts. It was a good thing Adrien’s plan about Master Fu worked. We made it barely on time, but on time, nevertheless. But we need to hurry. And I run, closer to her, still shouting.

Meeting Marinette’s eyes sparks something in me that seemed forgotten for a long time.

I love her. I love her so much.

How can I be without her now that I've met her again?

I can't.

My feelings are as strong than ever. My heart-beat is beating fast and is at this point when I want to believe she feels the same way the most.

I need to know. I’m ready to give everything else up for her. Can’t you see it, Marinette? I’ve never stopped loving you!

I can see how she's trying to run away from us, moving inside the time portal.

Shit! I won’t make it on time. I need to try to stop her with my words.

“Marinette… Marinette, please, stop! Don’t go in there, I beg you! Don't you have something to tell me? Let me listen to it from yourself, with your voice! Let me see your face so I can dare to believe it! Don't make me go after you across that portal or wherever you’re going to”

She seemed to be about to listen to me but her face suddenly lost her light. What happened? How could I let her become so sad? Is it my fault? I don't want her to go.

So I ran towards her, the fastest I can.

"Goodbye…" she says in an almost inaudible voice.

“NO!! Marinette!!!!"

And she slips through my fingers- just like the time we've been apart: lost forever.

No! No! No! DAMN IT! Was I late again? This can’t be! Please… I was so close!!

And just like that, all hope disappears from my heart. Broken again. Even worse than she told me ‘I hate you’.

I still wanted to apologize to her… To tell her so many things… To ask if it’s true I can have a future with her… but the portal in front of me is blank and my tears won’t stop falling like waterfalls. Any question is pointless now… I wish I could have apologized in front of her…

"Marinette… Sorry for being absent for so long. I’m sorry I left... I’m sorry for being selfish…I’m back now. Please… Come back… Is it too late...? Please… Please!”

I can feel the rest of the team sobbing with me, as I beg to Marinette to come back. I appreciate Adrien’s hand on my shoulder, in support, but the pain I’m feeling now is unbearable.

I failed… it's over...

I take a final hopeless look at the portal, waiting for something magical to come and erase us. But I find something unexpected instead: HOPE.

Marinette’s long rabbit ears from her magical suit are slightly coming out of the portal, which means- she’s still here.

It’s not over yet! I’m not giving up. Hell no!

NEVER AGAIN.

But I need to be careful with my words…

“Marinette… I know you can still hear me from the inside… Please, come out. We're here for you. Please… Come back…"

I’m not sure what the best words to convince her would be (I've never been good with words), but I have to try with what I’ve got. She’s not answering, as expected. Is she considering getting out or she’s already moving towards a new timeline? Her ears are not visible anymore, so I can't know. But I’m not willing to wait to find out. Yes, I can be impatient too- why does everyone seem surprised?

“You don’t want to come out? Very well, I'm coming in, then! I’ll get you out of here even if you don’t want me to. Excuse my rudeness, but you leave me no choice”

And her hands appear in front of me to stop my actions, just as my hand is about to touch the portal.

I hold a gasp when master Fu explains what happens to those who enter the portal without a magical suit. 

I didn’t know that. 

Not that I care about disintegrating- Marinette’s more important than myself at this point, and I don’t mind disappearing if her existence banishes from this world as well.

How I'm supposed to be happy in a world without Marinette, anyway? It's impossible.

And my heart gets filled with something warm the moment I can finally touch her hands. My long fingers find their way to lock with hers and I’ve never been more relieved than the moment she falls into my arms, after I pull her out of the magical time hole.

I missed her so much… Can I keep holding her forever? Can I be selfish this time? I'm so glad she's safe…

I thought I could feel her corresponding my feelings: love, need, comfort, relief… but I must have misunderstood again, because the sweetest dream becomes a nightmare the moment she speaks again…

“Plagg, Tikki, unify”

The darkest nightmare.

[thatboleyn-girl]

Take Me or Leave Me

Ahh! Alright this was requested by @sixstuffff and I really hope I did this justice! This fic is based off the song ‘Take Me or Leave Me’ from Rent, so, enjoy!

warnings: jealous!cathy parr, fighting, swearing, mentions of sex and makeouts (lol what a combo)

----

Catherine Parr was exhausted after a long day of classes. She always dreaded her back-to-back classes on a Thursday, but, the best part of her day was finally here. Her girlfriend, Anne Boleyn, always meets her after her final class. The couple had been together for 2 months but decided to keep their relationship as private as possible due to the overwhelming amount of homophobia still present at their school.Their closest friends, Jane Seymour and Katherine Howard knew, but that was all, so it was much to Cathy’s dismay when she saw Anne flirting with one of the girls in her class. The way her eyes were lit up and the smile on her face was deadly similar to the way she looked at her, and Cathy wasn’t here for it. 

“Hey Annie, are we ready to go?” Catherine asked, interrupting what the other girl was saying. 

“Hey Cath!” Anne said in an excited, loving voice, “Yeah, let’s go. It was lovely to meet you Anna.” The two girls walked off, Anne reaching over to wrap her arm around Cathy’s waist, “How was your day, gorgeous?”

“Fine.” 

“Just fine, baby?”

“Yeah. Nothing special,” Cathy said in a soft voice before pulling away from Anne, which caused her to sigh and check the time on her phone at least 10 times before they got back to their dorm. 

Cathy began to walk to the study before Anne grabbed her hand to stop her, “Baby, what’s wrong? I know how you feel about talking when you’re upset but,” Anne began before she was interrupted.

“You might think I don’t, and you might think this doesn’t bother me but it does. I see it, Annie. I see the way everyone looks at you, and it hurts! The way you entertain it and flirt back, it hurts me to see you act like that around other people when you always say you’re mine.”

“Cathy, baby, how many times have we been over this, I love you, and you are everything and more to me. You are the only person I want to be with, for the rest of my life, I promise you. Don’t lose your head over this.”

“You say that and then you go and flirt with these guys and girls at school and at parties! Don’t think I don’t see you letting those frat boys feel you up, don’t think I don’t hear the things they say about you, the ways they would please you if they got half the chance.”

“Okay you have crossed the line with that one. That was before we were even together, and, in my defence, I thought you were straight then, too. I’ve told you countless times that you are all I see and I’m sorry that you don’t see that. Why are we even fighting, whose bed do I end up in every night, huh? Who do I get to claim as my own over and over again,” Anne said, trying to calm Cathy down. 

“Jesus Christ, I’m not your toy to just play around with, Anne!”

“And I’m not yours either! I’m not anyone’s toy, neither are you. I’ve tried, Cathy. I’m trying but it’s on you to refuse to listen to me. You’re being an overprotective control freak, do you know how many people would kill to be in your shoes,” Anne regretted that last part the second it left her mouth. 

“Oh you are such a self obsessed brat, Anne Boleyn. You know what, the choice is yours, if you give a damn, take me or leave me.” Catherine yelled in response, she was on the verge of a panic attack. Her hands were shaking and she felt a bile rise in her throat.

“That’s it. I’m done,” Anne yelled back, before grabbing her purse, phone and keys and storming out the door. 

As soon as she heard the door slam, Cathy fell to the ground sobbing, this was all her fault, if she hadn't been over dramatic and a control freak like Anne was saying she was, this wouldn’t have happened. She wouldn’t have just lost her soulmate for what felt like forever. She was then taken by surprise when she heard a soft knock on the door. She quickly steadied her breath, wiped her face and opened the door. Standing in front of her was the couple’s next door neighbour and best friend, Jane Seymour, “Hey Janey.”

“Hi lovely, I heard yelling, then some door slamming, then Anne storming down the hallway, crying on the phone to who I’m assuming is Kitty, and then I decided to check in and see what’s going on.”

“Yeah, sure, come in. Would you like something to eat or drink?” Cathy asked in a soft voice.

“No, I’m quite alright hon, What happened?” Jane said. 

“Is Anne okay? How mad did she seem?” Catherine asked, ignoring Jane’s question. 

“You really love her don’t you Cath?” Jane began, “She’ll come around. She’s hurting, as are you, but I heard she was on her way to Kitty’s and I’m sure she’ll be safe. If you two truly love each other, and were meant for each other, you’ll find your way back to one another, I promise. You both just need some time to cool off. How about I stay around for dinner and we watch a movie or two?”

“I would love that, thank you Jane,” Cathy said with a small smile before giving the girl a hug.

---

Jane and Cathy were lying on the couch watching a movie on Netflix when they heard the door unlock. In walked Anne, in the same green sweater and ripped jeans as she was wearing earlier, her hair and makeup were a mess and she looked exhausted. 

“I think I’ll get going so you two can have your privacy,” Jane said before getting up, putting her shoes on and walking towards the door, “I’ll speak to you later, girls.”

“Bye Jane, thanks for dinner!” Cathy called out, “I think we should talk, Annie.”

Anne looked terrified, she nodded slightly and slowly walked over to the space on the couch furthest away from Catherine. She bought her legs up to her chest and made sure to take up the smallest amount of space possible. Cathy immediately felt awful, Anne always tried to hide and diminish her mental health issues but Cathy always knew, and, to her, it was very obvious Anne had one of her more severe panic attacks. 

“I love you, so much,” Anne said almost in a whisper, “I don’t want to lose you,” She then broke down into tears, burying her head in her knees. Cathy wrapped her arms around the brown-haired girl straight away, pulling her into a massive hug and placing a kiss on the top of her head. 

“I love you too, more than anything, Annie. I’m sorry about before, I had a hard day at school and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You are so much more than that, and you deserve so much more than that.”

“Cathy, I think I’m ready to tell people about us,” Anne said in a quiet voice, “I was scared of what other people would think, and how others would feel, but that doesn’t matter to me anymore. We haven’t been together for that long but I want to spend the rest of my life with you, this isn’t me proposing I promise I’ll make it a hundred times better than this,” Anne joked, making the couple laugh, “But I love you so much, and that’s all that matters to me now.”

“I don’t want this to force you into making that decision, Annie. If that’s what you really want then I’ll be by your side the whole way, but if you’re making this decision purely based on what happened today, I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing that.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while, Cath. I think it’s time,” Anne said and looked up at her girlfriend before placing a soft kiss to her lips, “I love you, and I’m so sorry.”

“I love you too, and there’s no need to be sorry, my love. You are the most important thing in my life, I don’t know what I’d do without you, even though you can be really annoying sometimes,” Cathy laughed. 

Anne smiled as she cuddled closer to Cathy, interlocking their fingers and placing a soft kiss to her hand, “The girl I was talking to earlier, that was Kitty’s new partner, Anna. She recognised me and wanted to say hi and talk to me before their date on Sunday.”

Guilt and shame washed over Cathy immediately, “I am so sorry,” She began, her eyes filling up with tears, “I shouldn’t have been so selfish and controlling then this wouldn’t have happened.”

“It’s okay, Cath. You didn’t know and it’s in the past anyway,” Anne said before reaching up and placing a kiss to Cathy’s lips, soft at first, but quickly turning into a heated, passionate exchange between the pair. Anne’s lips trailed down to place soft kisses on Cathy’s neck, causing her to let out a quiet moan. Before reconnecting her lips with Catherine’s, she reached over to pull her jumper off, Cathy doing the same. 

The two girls were so caught up in their own world of passion, they didn’t notice the door unlocking, “Oh my god you guys!” Kitty squealed. Both Anne and Catherine were shocked at the voice and quickly jumped apart. Catherine’s face was going bright red as she fumbled around, trying to put her shirt on, Anne, however, could not stop laughing, “Well I’m glad you think it’s funny, Anne! I just walked in on my cousin and her girlfriend practically fucking on the sofa!”

“I’m sorry Kit, is everything okay?” Anne responded, trying to hold back her laughter. 

“I wanted to check on you guys and make sure you’re okay, but clearly, I’ve got my answer to that.”

“We’re good, aren’t we babes?” Anne said in a soft voice, reaching over for Cathy’s hand, which she took almost immediately and smiled. Catherine was in it for the long haul, and, for the first time, she was certain that Anne felt the same. 

[haunted-by-catholic-guilt]

Now I Remember It Doesn't Take Much To Make Me Feel Small

birthday fic for my platonic soul mate @hangon-toyourself where we project onto tim

i love you so much vesper!!!

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TW EATING DISORDERS AND WEIGHT MENTION

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Tim Stoker was a happy man.

He wore what he wanted and he was loud and proud about everything.

That’s what he displayed, at least.

That’s not what he felt.

Especially the bad days.

He didn’t really remember when it started, but he remembers when it got bad.

When he passed out and the first thing he was Danny’s crying face above him.

When Danny spent hours with Tim at the table, talking to him and encouraging him.

And after a long time, he got better.

Not perfect, but better.

And then Danny died.

Tim, through some miracle, managed not to relapse as hard as he thought he would.

Eating was harder but more because so was getting out of bed, so he didn’t really lose or gain weight.

But for some reason, now was the point his brain decided it was time to look in the mirror and nearly punch it, and to look in the mirror and cry, and to step on his scale he buried away to the back of his closet and felt his heart stop at the numbers.

He looked in the mirror, his shirt was off and he stood only in his boxers, and he traced the stretch marks on his side, and the scars lining his hip.

God, he was disgusting, how did people even look at him?

He shook off the feelings and stepped away from the bathroom, grabbing an oversized shirt cardigan, and jeans combo that buried him in the size.

He walked to work that day, and didn’t stop for a pastry or coffee.

Work was slow, it was a Friday and all there was finishing up that week’s files and, typically, annoying Sasha and Jon to go out for drinks.

Soon enough lunch rolled around, and it had become an archival tradition to order in food on Fridays, and it was Martin’s week to pick.

Tim put on his best smile and sat on the taller man’s desk.

“Hey, Marto- What’re you plannin for lunch today?”

Martin smiled and leaned back in his chair.

“Hmmmm maybe the cafe down the block? They have nice soup and sandwiches”

Tim quickly ran through his repertoire of calories he had memorized, chicken noodle soup was normally around three-hundred and fifty calories.

He could work with that.

“-Tim, Tim!”

He snapped back into attention to Martin waving his hand in front of him, concern on his face.

“Tim are you alright?”

Tim chuckled and slid off the desk.

“Yeah, I’m fine, sorry about that, just tired.”

He recognized the shake in his own voice.

“I’m here if you need to talk alright? We can order soon.”

He flashed a smile and was on his way.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A month passed, eating as little as he could, fasting for up to a week at one point broken only when Martin bought him food.

He felt like shit but god was he happy.

His throat burned with acid, he was cold and dizzy and he still looked the same.

He stepped on the scale and felt almost happy, but more so determination and a slight mix of anger.

He’d been “skinny” before, according to others, and by his height, he wasn’t overweight but he knew.

52.3 kg

Not small enough.

He sighed and slipped on the same jeans, t-shirt, and cardigan combo he remembered wearing the day this started, now ten times too big on him, and left for work.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To say Martin was concerned is an understatement.

Something was wrong with Tim and damn if he didn’t find what.

Of course, he had some vague idea.

He just hoped it wasn’t.

Tim walked in, oversized sweater, looking sick, and eye bags that rivaled Jon in their intensity.

“GoodMorning Martin.”

Martin smiled at him, a sad smirk, Tim was holding a thermos, and he looked so… empty

“Morning, how’re you today?”

“Good, and yourself?”

Martin decided then he would take Tim out for drinks or invite him over for a movie.

“Just fine, thank you… Hey Tim? Would you like to come over tonight and watch a movie with me? I don’t like watching horror movies alone, Ill order in some food from the Italian place you like.”

Tim visibly froze and calculated his options, and Martin hated how he recognized it instantly.

“Sounds good, does seven work?” Martin nodded and they set to work for the day, inviting Sasha to come along, she accepted the offer and before they knew it, it was time to go home. With a farewell and a promise to see each other later, they were off. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim was fucked.

Astronomically fucked.

Martin invited him over for food and he was fucked.

He took a breath, first step was a game plan then decide what to order for dinner that was low-cal, then go to the gym and work out so he didn’t gain as much.

Hours passed, working out at the gym, and before he knew it was seven, time for hell.

He was at Martin’s door and he heard Martin and Sasha speaking in low and hushed tones, Martin sounded upset and Sasha seemed stress.

I shouldn't be here.

He knocked on the door anyway.

Martins’s voice was muffled but he heard a quiet call that he was on his way, and for a split second Tim seriously considered running, but before he knew it Martin was opening the front door.

“Hey! Food’s inside!”

Fuck.

He was ushered inside and sat on the couch, Martin handed him his food and a water, he felt the couch dip next to him on both sides, and was vaguely aware of Martin and Sasha eating their own food, he knew what was inside, it was what he always ordered, an alfredo dish, and he honestly couldn’t handle it.

“Tim? Are you gonna eat?”

Martins soft voice broke the dam behind his eyes, and before he knew it he was crying.

“I- I- I can’t”

Someone took the food out of his hands, and he was slowly enveloped in a hug.

“It’s alright, I know, it’s okay.”

He pushed off Martin, not being able to handle the thought of someone feeling him and he quickly stood up-

And then darkness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Martin knew he was going to go down as soon as he stood up.

He quickly caught him and lifted him- god he was light- and laid him on the couch, while Sasha adjusted his legs to be on her lap.

“I’ll be right back.”

Martin left the living room, and grabbed a small juice box from the fridge, and he took a breath.

Fuck.

He composed himself before stepping back into the living room, where Tim was stirring, he stepped over and got the juice box ready.

“Hey, Tim, drink this, you’ll feel better.”

He kept his voice level and soft, non-judgemental, and calm.

Tim obliged when he was back to being conscious, he looked disoriented and cold, Martin wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and ran fingers through his hair.

When Tim came to and realized what happened, he shot up, but was pushed back down by Martin which he didn’t mind because, wow, were rooms supposed to spin that fast?

He sat up slowly after a second before the realization set in of horrific embarrassment of oh shit I just passed out and am laying on Martin’s couch.

“I-I’m sorry”

Martin shushed him and Sasha rubbed his back while he sobbed into Martin’s shirt, after the shorter man stopped crying, Martin decided it was time for a talk.

“Tim.. do you want to tell us why? We won’t judge you, I’ve struggled with it my whole life too.”

“I-I don’t know. Maybe because I’m… ugly? Because I’m not worth it?”

Martin felt his heart break, and Sasha looked close to tears, she pulled Tim close to her and was horrified to feel just how frail he was like that.

“Tim, sweetheart, you deserve food, I don’t know who made you think otherwise, but I’ll hurt them and make them regret ever talking to you.”

Tim struggled a bit, almost as if trying to get away from her but sunk back into her after a second.

“I’m sorry”

Martin embraced Tim from the other side, making a Tim Sandwich.

“You don’t need to be sorry Tim, just let us help you?”

He nodded and hoped they knew he would try.

[carryonmywaywardwriters]

One Day At A Time - Jensen x Reader

A/N: Part Six! If you’d like to be tagged, please send an ask or message. As always, feedback is incredible. And, I hope you all enjoy <3

PSA: I am NOT a minor friendly blog. If you are below 18, please come back when you’re older. I don’t want to lose my blog because you were too eager to grow up. If I discover you, I WILL block.

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Widower!Jensen. Unrequited feelings. Sexual awareness. Guilt. Use of a currently nonsingle actress, but I love her. So...she’s here. Next chapter starts the steamy side of things ;)

Word Count: Roughly 2,900

The set was solemn as you walked onto it. Two sets of tiny hands tangled with yours as a third held onto your hip. Making your way to the guillotine slowly. Aware that cameras were rolling just around the bend.  

“And we just wanted you to hear from us that, um...” Jensen's voice was strong as Jared cleared his throat beside him. However, as you approached, you saw the strain all three men were under. All eyes were red. Puffy from the tears. The other two hunched around Jensen as if he were their rock. “Although we're excited about er...next year? Um...I...It will be, uh...” He looked towards Misha. Arms crossed over his chest as he talked, “the finale.”

Suddenly, you'd understood why Jared had texted you. Suggesting that the kids may be the boost Jensen needed to get through the day. Your heart broke all over again as a sniffle echoed from the side. Another broken crew member trying to hold themselves together.

No one made said a word as the men finished the beginning of their goodbye to their life's longest work. As soon as they were done? Applause rang through the air. The support in the room overwhelming with its intensity.

“Is Daddy okay?” Arrow's voice was soft as she watched in confusion. Brows pinched together tightly.

You didn't get a chance to answer before Justice Jay spoke up, “No...he's sad.” Her eyes moved up to meet yours. “But, Y/N will make him feel better. That's what she does.”

“Go hug him, Y/N!” Zeppelin insisted, lips tugged down. Upset at his father's pain.

“That's your job, kiddo.” Ruffling his hair, you urged them forward. It didn't take much prodding. As soon as the green eyes caught sight of the three children rushing his way, they lit up.

Your hands stuffed into your back pockets as you followed. Keeping your distance. As if they'd truly not let you be part of the fray. Jared tugged you under his arm as soon as you were within reach. Rubbing his knuckles into your hair affectionately. “Nice of you to answer your texts.”

“I figured you were on set,” A pinch to his ribs gave you a rewarding yelp from the giant. But, the glee only lasted a moment. “How're you holding up?” Growing serious, you looked up at the overgrown child. Fingers cocked under his chin to make sure he didn't turn away from your gaze.

“I'll be alright,” The shadows under his eyes said otherwise. But, the grumbling from Misha had you passed around before you could protest. Demanding a real answer.

Jensen watched as you were lifted into the bubbly man's grasp. Laughing at your long lost friend. Misha had a thing about adopting the unusual. And you fit right into the pack.

“Daaaaaad!” The drawn out cry forced his attention back to Zeppelin as both girls snuck off to hunt down the makeup crew and demand their annual glitz and glammer day. “You need to hug, Y/N!”

“I...I ne...need to what?” His held tilted as he crouched down to his son's level. To not only talk man on man, but to ensure his voice didn't carry as far.

“She gives nice hugs. She'll make you feel better.” Earnest as always, the boy tugged on his hand. Concern etched on his mini's brow as he stormed on in his mission. “Trust me, I know.”

“Oh, do you?” A firm nod was the answer. Lips puckered as he inspected the red in his father's eyes. “I bet you learned to give some pretty great hugs yourself, then.”

“They're okay.” The tiny shrug brushed it off. Still zeroed in on the idea that you'd save the day. Kicking at the ground all the while.

Jensen chuckled before reaching out to tug the boy into his arms. Zeppelin let out a giggle for the ages as he wrapped his tiny arms into a vice grip around the thick neck in front of him. “See? Told you.”

His eyes closed as he breathed in the moment. Squeezing his son tight. As if that would hold his life together. When they opened again, the E/C gaze was on him. A small nod your way said it all. An answering bob his way had his lips pulled up.

The day passed by in a blur of emotion. Social medias were lighting up from the announcement. Fans around the world mourning as much as the cast and crew. All three kids were out cold. Tucked into their beds in the lavish apartment. Sighing, you settled down on the couch. Rubbing at your eyes sleepily.

“Hey,” You yawned out without even looking as Jensen walked in. A muttered curse and small crash followed as he tried to tug his footwear off without bending. When you turned to see if he would make it, you found him looking worse than you felt. “I was starting to think you got lost.”

“Long day.” That much you understood. Slowly, you patted the tan material of the couch beside you. As he sank down into the fabric with a deep sigh, you passed him your own unopened beer. Knowing just a bit of relaxation made up for some of the struggles. “Thanks.”

“You good?”

“Not really.” The defeated huff had you looking over every line on his face. You knew the strained expression well. Grief had risen its head again. “I'm just tired. I'll be fine.” Silence stretched between you two. Tense and heavy. Then, the dam burst. Only, it was the furthest thing you'd expected to hear. “I've got a date next week.”

Excitement was the last thing you felt at those words. But, you weren't what was important in that moment. “You don't sound very happy about it.”

“Aren't you supposed to say 'congratulations' or something like that?” He huffed out. Surliness over ruling the sad. “Ya know, supportive?”

“I was just making an observation.” The unimpressed frown had you letting out your own, exasperated breath of air. “Okay, okay, fine. I'll leave that alone.” Against your better judgment, you crossed your legs. Turning to face him better, you decided if you were going to play the role of therapist? You might as well do it properly. Start where he wanted to. “Who's the girl?”

“Gemma Chan.” As you pulled out your phone, the head tilt of confusion was aimed your way. “What-”

“If I have to do the encouraging friend thing? I gotta do what women do best...research.” Captain Marvel. Crazy Rich Asians. She was bigger screen than him, certainly. Gorgeous. Just a few years younger than his forty three years. Single for a little over a year. There wasn't anything notable to find fault with, there. “Damn... how'd you land her?”

“Cliff had Jared and Gen set me up.” When your brow lifted in question, he diverted from the details further. Skittering back to where he wanted it. Only telling you in more ways that he was hiding at least one thing. “Anyways, I could use more of that support stuff right about now.” He waved you on.

“She seems like...a lot.” His exasperation at your answer was quickly cut off by the rest. “But, you're great, Jensen. Okay? You have the perfect kids. A hell of a resume of your own. Don't look half bad...” The last one earned the breathy, sheepish chuckle you'd been going for. His chin tucking down to touch his chest as his hand ran through his hair. “Even if it doesn't work out? It's not the end of the line. There's a whole world out there outside of this one girl.” A gentle squeeze of his bicep had him straightening up on the couch, “And if you're worried about what Danneel would think?” He hid it well. But, you caught the flash of it at the name. Vulnerability. He was losing his show. But, with the date? He was also losing another tie to his dead wife. You were certain that the pain you'd seen stemmed from all that loss. “Don't, Jay... She'd just want you and the kids happy. Okay? That's the goal, here.” He swallowed tightly. Nodding in agreement. “Good.”

--

“What do ya think?” Jensen turned to the small crowd on the black couch; showing off the brown leather jacket and black tie combo he'd thrown together over jeans.

“It's a no from me.” Justice Jay had no qualms about speaking her mind. She leaned back into the couch with a squinted up expression that looked so much like her mom that you had to bite back a smile. The whole thing was pulled off perfectly with the neon green head band she'd taken from her mom's closet years before. Offsetting the pink t-shirt she'd just grown into.

“Arrow?” Size had nothing to do with personality. The tiny little beauty had dressed herself in a pair of overalls. A bright yellow shirt rested under the jeans. Too loud pink frilled around her from the tutu wrapped around her hips. A red and a black sock covered her swinging feet. Neon green sunglasses rested on her nose. In order to bring the outfit together, she donned a sky blue bow in her fine hair. Looking every bit as solemn as she could, the tiny, rainbow themed child shook her head no; lips pursed into a frown. “Oh, who asked you?” The grumble earned a giggle that made Jensen roll his eyes. “What about you, Zep?”

“Dad...” The actor's mini-me stated very seriously. Folding his hands onto his grass stained knee. Oblivious to the ravioli crested dinosaur on his chest. “I love you.” That earned a raised brow. “But,” Kid or not, Zeppelin went right for the throat, “you need to work on your style.”

It was as if they'd all stabbed him through the heart. His hand rubbed over his chest. Brows furrowed as he took in the beings he'd helped create. Their own fashion statements blasphemy to the outside world as they shot him down. “You're all monsters.”

“It's just casual, right?” You asked from your perch on the floor. Turning away from the puzzle the kids had abandoned half an hour before to save the last shred of dignity on the actor.

“Right,” He was full of nervous energy. Shifting from foot to foot as you inspected his choice in clothes. His squared jaw was smooth from the fresh shave. Too spic and span for your liking.

“Lose the tie, drop a few buttons, and channel Dean. You'll be golden.” With that, you moved back to the puzzle. Forgetting about anymore of that extra bit encouragement he'd asked for when he'd told you about the night out. A deep tug of a frown graced his lips.

Jensen watched the way your fingers trailed across the pieces of cardboard. Pulling together the image of a raven carefully. The same way you seemed to go forward with everything. When did you ever really let loose in your life? Even a little?

“Dad! You're still blocking the TV,” Arrow finally spoke up. Not wanting to miss a second of her precious Rapunzel. Pulling him from his thoughts.

“Right,” He turned away, tugging off the offending tie like you'd suggested. Glancing at the clock to his right, again. The night was supposed to change his life. Get his mind back to reality instead of every lewd image it'd created of the nanny, as Cliff had said. His bodyguard had laid out the perfect plan. It was just a matter of pursuing it. “Alright, there's an hour until bed time-”

“Yes, daddy.” A mocking tone was nothing compared to the words themselves. His breath caught in his throat. The very reason he'd found himself about to go out lingering in the air. “I know the routine,” You chastised without looking his way. Sounding more like an exasperated mother than a nanny. “Go. Have fun on...” You glanced back his way. Knowing that he wasn't ready to let the kids in on what was happening. Quickly, you fixed your wrong. “With your friend.”

Unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt, Jensen walked away. Muttering to himself to quell the nerves. It didn't stop as he paced to locate his phone and keys. Didn't even end when he shouted a final goodbye.

When the door finally shut behind him, you let out your breath. In Austin, you could escape his allure easier. Remind yourself that while they cared for you, you were ultimately a side piece in the family. But, in Canada? Things were more cramped. Intimate.

Hanging out on set. In the trailers. Being in the next room over from the father you needed to escape at nights. Torture didn't begin to describe it. So close. And yet, ever out of reach.

The announcement of the ending had only drawn more attention towards the cast and their families. Everyone trying to see what came next. And with that? Came the attacks.

Every kind of conspiracy theory existed. You'd be the next beard for J2. The cast and crew didn't give two shits about your existence, but needed the attention your closeness to Jensen could give them. How you used Jay's grief to trap him into some kind of toxic web. Posts existed about which child you favored and why. Bets on who'd end up in boarding school once the show ended.

You should have ignored them. None of them had any credibility. There wasn't one of them who could say they knew any of you personally. And yet, every one of them dug under your skin. Settling into a poisonous knot in your stomach.

Worriedly, you turned back to the door. Imagining what would happen if he were caught by a photographer. TMZ had eaten his wife's death up. Announcing it a mere hour after it had happened. A grieving widower moving on would be the perfect desert for them.

Shaking away the thoughts, you got to your feet. Ignoring the way Oscar's head shot up at the jerky movement. Sitting around and waiting was useless. There were things to clean. Time to kill.

Ten minutes after tucking the kids into bed, you heard the door click open. Icarus' head lifted from your lap as you turned to see Jensen stroll in. Looking like he'd been through the ringer. For the second time in the span of days, you found yourself about to nurture the head of the house.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.” He sighed out. Unzipping his jacket sharply. When it was off, he tossed it haphazardly across the room. Not caring that it landed on the floor.

“Right...” The dirty look you got made you roll your eyes. You picked up the aging cockapoo from your lap. Moving close to the grumpy giant, and placing the snowy pooch in his owner's arms. “Sit down. Cuddle the dog. I'll be right back.”

“Wha-”

“Just do it, Ackles. Trust me!” You ordered. Walking away to raid the kitchen. A few minutes later, you found him less agitated. His hands running over the freshly groomed coat as he rested on the couch. “Take this. And then when you're ready? Spill the dirt.” Your legs tucked under you as you passed him a mug of tea.

“Thanks,” His voice was still gruff. But most of the tension had left his shoulders. After a moment, he finally opened up. Venting about the awkward silence. The pained, overly polite smiles. Everything that fit the fating scene. “Maybe it's too soon,” Jensen leaned back against the couch. Making himself cozy in the habit that had developed between you two.

“Or maybe she just wasn't right for you,” It was a relief to say it. But, you felt for the guy all the same. Dating sucked. “Or,” Being the good guy sucked even more, “maybe she was just as nervous as you were.” He seemed to think that one over. Nodding as if he agreed. “Drink up, kid. You have work tomorrow.”

“Thanks for reminding me,” He groaned out, taking another sip of hot liquid. “So...what about you?”

It was ridiculous how many butterflies swarmed inside of you when his eyes turned your way, “What about me?”

“You aren't gonna find someone if you never go out,” At that, your shoulders drooped a bit. Plopping back against the couch in an almost pout. “It's true, ya know.”

“I know,” You refused to look over at him. Pondering over everything. “What made you decide it was time?” The question had been just another thing eating at you.

“I just...” He wouldn't explain it all. Couldn't. That'd involve coming clean about every look your way. “I miss the little things, ya know? Waking up to a smiling face and all that jazz. I don't...” His throat worked as he talked. “I don't wanna be alone.”

Silently you absorbed everything he'd said. The fragile crack in his voice. Pain in each note. Relating to it more than he knew. Me either, Jay...Me either.

Part Seven

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