#so i achieved at least Something
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Reached the doctor's office on the 1st attempt today. Impressed.
They don't do covid vaccinations (:
#no of course not#why would they#it's completely irrelevant#who needs it anyway#i love life#it's absolutely amazing they don't offer vaccinations against covid anymore#i couldn't be more pleased#i'm not mad at it#it is fine#so very fine#i will not despair because of it#got an appointment for a blood test on Friday though#so i achieved at least Something#i will have to drive there myself for the first time#because no trains#probably will have to drive my mother to work and then to the doctor's office and then bring the car back to my mother's workplace#and walk home from there#because it's only like 2.5 kilometers but my mother has a lot of stuff to carry to bring to work#(and the weather is probably gonna be awful)#and the doctor's office is over 6 kilometers away which is not a distance i will comfortably walk#i mean i could#but I'd be stressed and annoyed and probably drenched when i arrive because it's probably gonna rain#it's an ✨️opportunity✨️ to practice my driving skills ♡#let's see it positively#void screams
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oops, still feral over pre-war Dead End Dratchet
(drift: you're rusting at every joint gasket: but isn't that doctor chummy with the cops? we're literal thieves??)
started with the headcanon that drift hung around the clinic like a feral wet cat for a while, then halfway through shading these, I started thinking, what if deadlock was an especially reliable assassin because he knew what kind of damage would make sure that even the best of the best couldn't bring you back
#couple million years later#ratchet is performing autopsies and very determinedly not thinking about teaching that one kid which energon lines are most volatile#you ever get this image in your head of a guy lurking around the guy who saved his life and then think#guess i need to design a clinic#but because your dumb brain needs context you think i guess i need to design the surroundings so you start a daytime wide shot too#and then an even dumber part of your brain is like let's do it all in that fake etching style that you haven't totally worked out yet#and then you also get sad about gasket so you stick him in too#they're done at least we achieved something aaaaaaa????#transformers idw#maccadam#tf drift#dratchet#tf ratchet#ratchet#gasket#drift#mtmte#my art
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"Unstoppable" by Donna Ashworth
#the promised neverland#tpn manga#tpn emma#tpn ray#rayemma#emma#ray#my edits#happy november 13th aka the day the kiddos crossed over to the human world and our fearless protagonist achieved her goal.#im so proud of her..& i didnt mean for this to turn into something so RE relatable but it just fits ya know? ray's been by her side the#entire journey so of course he would witness all her ups & downs. i dunno if he would indulge in poetry however but with all the#books in the GF & bunker library im sure he's at least come across his far share of poems over the years. so yeah. i sorta imagined him#writing all this down and sketching out his memories alongside it all. hopefully the panels convey that kind of look. who knows.
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not enough discussion about the gavins' complicated relationship with feminine-coded/beauty products, i don't think.
#for klavier because it's not as direct it's about how we never see him actually wearing lipstick? even though apollo literally attends#a concert of his which is where you'd most expect him to wear makeup. but apparently he just doesnt. or at least not in public#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#i feel like there are several ways you can read into it. the misogyny/toxic masculinity one is really obvious clearly with kristoph's#singling out of men specifically and klavier's (probably accidental?) condescending manner of calling women 'fraulein' plus his general#mildly patronising attitude towards many of the women in the game (also probably unintentional)#(i think he's trying to be charming and it's coming off wrong to some of them. like ema. and me.)#but i feel like there's also maybe an element of... inherent perfecfionism to it? like both of these products are conventionally beautifyin#products and kristoph while he is open to showing people he uses nail polish specifically chooses one that's clear and missable unless you#see him apply it. he also feels the need to justify his use of it and specifically spell it out as something he chooses to do rather than#needs to do even though duh. that should be obvious.#idk there's just something about his seeming need to take control of that narrative that i find interesting. his need to spin it into a#'there's nothing wrong with my nails but I had the foresight to see that even the smallest parts of my appearance should be kept immaculate#and it's a choice i'm making to refine an already adequate part of my personage /not/ to cover some unsightly defect.' the need to emphasis#that specifically is so. hm. and with klavier i could see it being a case of him liking makeup liking the pops of colour yet being unwillin#to admit to it because he's afraid that other people might see it as him being dissatisfied with his own appearance regardless of if he is#or isn't. or even just perceiving colourful makeup as being unseemly because it's so overt and unnatural.#like i can see this as them both viewing 'real' beauty to be that which is inherent to a person and seemingly effortless#thus somehow negating the beauty which one achieves through cosmetics or other external means.#and if you want to use external means to achieve beauty or neatness or whatever then your only valid options are those which blend into you#natural state. like clear nail polish. or really awful spray tan.#i feel like klavier's less confined by these ideas (if they hold merit at all) considering he actually owns coloured lipstick and he wears#jewellery (admittedly quite 'masculine' jewellery no gems or pearls or anything like that but jewellery nonetheless) but i think it just#makes it more interesting that he doesnt seem quite able to cross the line anyway. like it's that ingrained into his system.#anyway that's all i've got. you guys should tell me what you think too#annotations
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Relationship envy except I envy the bond between iconic fictional characters Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
#their relationship is so beautifully made#your honor they're everything to me#it doesnt even matter if you view them platonically or romantically#you cant deny the love they have for each other#the way that watson writes about holmes is just full of love and admiration#even though holmes doesnt express his feelings in the same way#he still loves him more than anything#as seen in 3GAR and DEVI#they both love each other so much#they both strengthen each other you see#they protect each other#they're a team#they each bring something unique to the table#but it doesnt feel like one is inferior to the other#at least not to me#traditional relationships always make me feel like someone is inferior/weaker than the other#holmes is smarter intellectually and he's stronger physically#but watson has the emotional intelligence#they balance each other perfectly#theyre PARTNERS in every sense of the word#and i want a relationship like theirs#i feel like traditional gender roles and stuff limit me from having a real relationship like this#as a girl#im expected to be weaker and softer#i mean even sherlock holmes says women are weaker#for gods sake#i feel like i will never achieve this level of equal partnership with a man#sherlock holmes#john watson#holmes/watson
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about ready
#pokemon#swsh#gym leader raihan#ft. flygon#had a vivid vision of this pose the other day and had to draw it. thats all thank you#I think after flygon's first appearance in anipoke whenever it comes up again the artists just go ''fuck it whatever''#and draw the legs however they want. it's basically a dinosaur in pmd#this is good for me bc I dont know shit abt fuck#flygon poses really well for how kinda awkward it looks on its own... but I also think abt like#duraludon being in the carwash. practically all the time its all I think about tbh#rest assured.#mim's infected me with the goggles vision I see raihan now I immediately wanna put a goggles on that man#they arent wrong tho. is the thing#is flygon an insect or a reptile.... the tail suggest something like a dragonfly but the neck doesnt seem to have#the shell structure that'd let it bend. thats at least skin#well. flygon is shapes. thats what it is. I enjoy it#I should sleep now... so many things happened today#I really gotta prep the fish tomorrow. dang. so many things on the list for tomorrow too...#have a good night lads. achieve flight
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"I always enjoy wheel-to-wheel. It’s always a very exciting moment of the weekend where you’ve got to adapt to different drivers. Of course, you get to know drivers and you adapt your driving style to it as well and obviously when lots is at stake, it’s where you can take more risk and that’s where I enjoy it the most."
"As a driver, I feel like looking back at this year, there hasn’t been really any missed opportunities, which in the other years, when I look back, there was always one or two races where I wanted to do things that were not possible. And, by that, it was biting me. That would mean that I would get zero points in a weekend where I could have got eight or 10. Even if that’s not much, at the end when you add these things up it makes a difference and on a year like this, I don’t think I’ve left any chances behind. That is why I’m satisfied with the season."
Charles in an article in Autosport (19 Dec 2024) which ranks Charles number 2 of the 2024 season. The author also notes:
Leclerc’s 33-lap stint at the Italian GP where every lap was within a second earned headlines in his fantastic win there, but it should not be forgotten that he was also great on another one-stopper back in China. This tyre management element of his game is often overlooked, around all that qualifying wildness.
Read the whole article here: https://www.autosport.com/general/news/autosport-top-50-of-2024-2-charles-leclerc/10683383/
#as much as it hurts when the risks don't pay off#i don't want him to change this attitude of at least trying something#he has matured a little in his risk taking#more calculated risks now i think#and his driving continues to improve to where he does not end in the wall like he might have a few years back#so proud of his achievements this year#charles leclerc#f1 2024 driver ratings
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clean 🦆🛀🫧
(part 2)
#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustrators on tumblr#original illustration#original art#sasha's art#i am very proud of this one#i have been having so many issues drawing since i moved#adjusting has been difficult and my self worth Plummeted horribly#so i have been having difficulties with staying creative and finding Value in my hobbies and such#so a while ago i decided to just go back to the basics and focus on highly technical drawings#that's how this one started too- it was a practice art based on a photo of our sink i took#and then i fell in love with it and worked on it until i perfected every aspect of it and i played around with colours until i achieved a-#-Mood i was finally satisfied with#sometimes being technical and going back to the basics can lead to something Bigger i guess!!#i love this series so much#i love falling in love with my art all over again#there is one (1) thing i have ever been good at and i am glad at least it shows
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🌧️
#I’ll leave for a bit#just a bit. hopefully#I’ve been making myself so upset about so many things lately#that it resulted in an anxiety attack earlier today which I hadn't had in so long#I can't really distance myself from any of the stressors except for tumblr right now so this post is mostly me telling myself to stay off#at least until jk's bday or something#the self-pressuring and sense of failure has become too much#it's not a balance anymore rn it's just one more thing that's making me feel incompetent and desperate#I should put the little energy I have into my two jobs and the thesis#I could really need a small achievement with writing the coming days. to lift my spirits again#I hope a little break will help with that#and I’m sorry that I've been so miserable on here lately....it's not an easy time rn
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I fucking hate the tetris effect so much. Like oooh lemme play this funnie little card game rogue-like, ooh it's so fun it's gonna be the only game I play for weeks now, oooh what do you mean I'm fucking duplicating multi-card holographic sevens in my dreams
#simon says#yeah this is about balatro#i think it sorta taught me that I do in fact really enjoy roguelikes and i am pretty decent at them#at least I think I am#i only have 3 more card decks to unlock and the black deck is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE#i am not going to 100% this game because I hate the black deck so fucking much#that -1 hand is gonna be the death of me and has been the death of me#it's like I either fumble my first round and have to start over because I keep forgetting I have 1 less hand#or I get a nice groove but lose around round 5 because the boss bind was too tough#anyways I only really watch 1 youtuber play it so I have no clue if im actually pretty decent at the game or if im like#okay or something#idk all I know is that I am going to do my damnedest to beat that black deck#also I wanna try to unlock all of the collection because it's very annoying that challenge mode doesn't count#and I wanna do challenge mode but it is just annoying that it doesn't count anything towards the collection#but yeah im REALLY vibing with this game and every time I play it while high it makes me wanna stream again#anyways I have it on switch (because I could use the nintendo coins to get it at a discount) but I looked at the achievements on steam#i wish cross platform saves existed because if I had it on steam I would have all but like 4 achievements lmaooo#anyways im just autistic and really like card games and roguelikes so this is like the perfect game#plus big number go up
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How do I put what's in my head onto the page? Is it always hard?
Hello!
If you're asking me how to make the writing live up to the fantasy, just remember: writing isn't a transcription service, it's an art form.
Writing isn't thinking, but between you and me, thinking isn't that great anyways. It's like singing in the shower. Thinking needs to be translated through a skill like writing before it'll make a good scene.
Creation is choices and actions, not recreation. Let me give you an example: I crocheted my dog recently, and I didn't aim to perfectly recreate my dog in tiny crochet form. Instead, while I crocheted, I converted her into a small character with plushie proportions. She had all her recognisable features and was a pretty good crochet dog, checked all the boxes, Dad was happy. But the little crochet dog didn't look exactly how the subject did, sat there wagging on the rug. That's because I wasn't trying to copy her. I was trying to crochet her. In the same way, I don't transcribe my daydreams, I convert them into writing form, and that's 90% less frustrating and 100% more possible.
As for whether writing remains hard forever, yes and no. Writing becomes easier with practice the same way anything does, but it gets harder as you naturally challenge yourself to write better, like a bodybuilder increasing the weights. But if you stop expecting writing to come out 'correctly' and instead lose yourself in the process, you won't feel the dead ends, you'll be too busy finding solutions and thinking on your feet -- you'll be in the zone.
I just wish I knew how to do that on command!
-HM
#asks#writing advice#creative writing#actually let me add on a little story hidden in the tags:#when i was young i tried to write a book on my dad's computer. it went terrible.#i didn't understand how writing suddenly felt bad. i was used to it flowing nicely and feeling good.#it didn't feel like a real published book to me. i felt like a failure. i was about 8 and it was the first time writing was a struggle.#so i gave up#i didn't give up writing -- i gave up writing books.#i was enjoying the process and not caring about the output or about the potential of the things in my head.#my skills developed and writing stayed easy. when i applied my skills to something specific it was difficult.#but i realised the difference between trying to mimic something which involves aiming for a specific output --#one that may even be out of my skillset --#and using my knowledge and experience like a puzzle to achieving a BETTER endpoint. one i could achieve and grow from#i suppose this is just to conclude: little me was right when i decided that i would enjoy writing instead of producting writing.#i hope some of this makes sense at least. and if i misunderstood your ask then: oops
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Since I can't call these "Outer Wilds Update" anymore, let's call it Outer Wilds Meta That I Find Interesting And Want To Talk About instead:
Ever since I finished the game and then later the DLC I've been thinking about the Eye and the fact that it seems to have either some (very) limited conscience or simply a limited way to communicate with other creatures. It calls out, it tries to explain to the Owlies (yes, I still call them that because I love them, don't correct me pls) that the world will keep turning even after they're gone, and when we as Hatchling, our beloved player character, enter it, the Eye shows us a world that we are familiar with. The signs in the museum have been altered and the Eye is quite explicitly explaining to us who all these different people are; all the way from the picture of the founders, over the Nomai statue, and to the old satellite.
It might just be me being human that I'm trying to characterize an object, but the Eye feels so alive. It calls out to be found, it can be scanned with a vision torch, and even the distinct Quantum sound it makes sounds like it's singing. When we jump up into it, when we reach whatever is hidden behind the clouds, the Eye seems almost organic. It tears itself apart to make space for us and as we land, it gives us the museum where it all started. The whole ending sequence feels so much like a conversation, like the Eye keeps trying to tell us something in every way it knows how to and everything we do is another answer to the question of what comes next.
#outer wilds#outer wilds spoilers#I'm not actually trying to say that the Eye has a conscience and is trying to manipulate the game#not at all#but it feels like it's characterized#it's a kind of watcher#a passive observer that holds no real weight in what actually happens#it can only be made real by an actually conscious observer that enters it#and even so it needs more than one to be at the end#I recently did the beginner's luck achievement#and in that you never get to meet Solanum so the universe that comes after is only planets#and no campfire#no little creatures#I mean maybe there are some out there obviously we don't see everything#but the Eye by design needs more observers than just one#I don't know it's just a very interesting concept to me#something that might not be conscious but still aware of its own role in the universe#because it is the universe and it calls out to share all that it is with the creatures out there#I thought people might find it interesting as well#and I know there's at least one person who follows me who wants to know my outer wilds thoughts lmao
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Re my previous post: On the other hand as far as I know nobody is working on a serious apologist /j biography of luigi lucheni, anarchist and one of the most dangerous. If I was more insane and not scared of reputation loss I would do that 💀💀💀💀
EDIT: a snippet from my drafts:
#i have so many posts in my drafts from when i was planning a fic 😂😂😂💀💀💀#basically: not to get put on a watchlist but imagine you're some guy with a shitty life in the late 19th century and your only wish is to#achieve fame and posterity#like you're pretty much never going to do that unless you do something horrible#royalty is famous automatically bastard peasants only if they murder someone important........#not saying it is a good or just goal - at one point he was comfortably employed in the household of a duke but threw it away#like he could've lived a decent life but he left that job on a whim and couldnt get back on his feet so became radicalised#obviously there is mental illness & lack of social cohesion and opportunity & rash personality at work there#none of those excuse murder but just saying. almost all of the lucheni articles out there are extremely unsympathetic of him#for gods sake rudolf killed at least two (2) people and we have meow meow literature of him... it's time for a lucheni era#history#💀😭😂
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got tired from studying all day and being hunched over my desk so what did i do? i continued to stay hunched over my desk as i tried for the umpteenth time to draw something digitally
3 tries later there's a sharp pain in my shoulder blades, shoulders, and neck which has admittedly dulled down now. i wanted to give up, like i always do when im not instantly good at something, but i suppose something clicked and i remembered my first ever fics and traditional drawings. i am no way good at either things, writing or drawing, but i got better than i was.
i suppose there is beauty in practice and hard work.
i suppose i must familiarize myself with a GUI, empty document, digital canvas, an empty page, and so much more if i wish to be good at something. anything.
#forever cursed to be passionate about many but mediocre in all#i blame myself for putting art aside. i shouldnt have done that to my younger self. it was incredibly cruel#there is so much i want to make and create but i only have two hands. i only have two hands and they are enough#what isnt enough is myself#i must change that. i must stop asking God to send me a saviour. i must save myself. i have been the only constant in my life.#only i can save myself. despite my prayers he made it apparent when i was left alone at the end of the day#okay philosophy aside i want to get back into art because i want to create things i dont want to disclose yet and need to have a certain-#-level of artistic talent to do that#the world is a competitive place and to make my place i must fight#zuri rambles#if there is at least one thing i am good at i will have achieved something for once
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habeas corpus – detective comics #1086
(ID in alt!)
#loved this back up feature so much and seeing that bruce timm shit made me annoyed enough to actually transcribe it#first the way hes depicted as having to stand trial and ARGUE and fight for the rights of using the coin#rather than it just being a compulsion and something he must do before a decision....#like every time. every time when he's 'leaving it up to chance'—thats a time when harvey won. thats a time when harvey fought for the right#to use the coin and make it at least a 50/50 chance instead of 'crawling away until the hard part is done' like two face pushed for#every single time. regardless of the results regardless of knowing theres only a halfway chance of it actually achieving anything#or lessening the damage two face can/will do. every time hes fighting for and still believing in a fair trial and that everyone deserves on#it isnt him being weak. it isnt him avoiding responsibility. its him fighting and forcing and pushing for it as hes internally at war#with himself 24/7. even when two face wins he doesnt give up & continues to fight for what he believes in despite the injustice done to him#the way he tells Judge Janus that it isnt about HIM (himself!) while defending the right of existence to the jury of other societal rejects#the way he gestures to himself only at the very end. he asks the judge does that sound like anyone he knows and janus replies in two faces#voice but harvey keeps going. he keeps fighting for others. but at the end in actually acknowledging two face being part of him#(and by extension harvey being part of two face) and how harvey is fighting just as much to have a place as two face is#(but more within his own mind & upholding his belief system still despite knowing how it continues to fail them) and just FUCK#and two faces snaps! how theres no jurisprudence system above there either ! just no one will admit it!#how harvey knows!!! look what happened to him when he was doing the right thing!#look how many criminals and mob bosses paid their way out! look how the police are corrupt!#but still believing in it and how a system has to be in place despite being a direct victim of it as well and just GOD#I LOVE YOU GOOD HEARTED AND WANTING TO HELP PEOPLE HARVEY DENT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME !!!!!!!!#taking away how he genuinely wanted to help people and bring wrongs to rights takes away literally everything hes built on#it takes away the entire fucking tragedy of his character (and in many ways it changes how bruce himself operates and believes because#harvey WAS a good man doing everything by the books. he was trying to bring justice in the 'right way' and believed in the system. he was#what people tell bruce he should be and look where it got him. look how the system failed 'even the good ones' because the system itself is#corrupt. it isnt flawed—it was operated to oppress and thats why it cant just be fixed but must be entirely rebuilt and why bruce must#operate outside of it. it also gives more depth because harvey is one of batmans first and biggest failures. he didnt protect him.#he didnt save his parents as a helpless child (as bruce) but he couldn't save his parents as BATMAN.#it wasnt just random chance like his parents tragedy but this was calculated and something bruce didnt stop. its ALWAYS going to eat at#him if he could of prevented it by telling harvey his identity. by doing something different. by being more prepared or somehow#knowing it was going to happen. harvey is the face of tragedy in so many ways that cant fit in these messy rambly tags but its ALLL!!!!!!!#bc harv was (and still is despite it all! despite two face!) a good man!! because he originally was a glimmer of hope to bruce & the city!!
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Huh... just connected the dots between my soul-crushing shame and inability to imagine myself "carelessly having fun" without feeling a Heavy Judging Gaze That Thinks I'm Such A Funny Stupid Little Baby on myself and like... my parents finding it the funniest thing in the world, worth bringing up over and over despite my discomfort, that I used to bob funnily to the music as a toddler
#basically I seem to like... react v strongly to being told that my body and the way I use it is somehow inherently hilarious#there have been cases where people would take photos of me when I wasn't paying attention and was making a HILARIOUS pose#and they'd either show it to me or reupload them on group chats like look how fucking funny! and i'd go awhhh come on guys :< like u do#but internally i'd be like WHAT the fuck is wrong with me that i'm the only person getting this treatment#basically i just. seem to be inherently cringefail no matter what I do and instead of rolling with it like a normal person would i am inste#*instead very sensitive about being perceived as a funny pathetic moron. and i do imprint on similar characters which means I always#end up internally tormented when 99% of the fandom is pissing their pants laughing over how incredibly hilarious this wannabe cool#(but actually incurably pathetic) this (character I can relate to) is. its this like. inability of achieving physical dignity? okay this is#nothing but basically. the emotional anguish of being aware that you might think you're doing normal things and moving normally#but unbeknownst to you (and very well knownst to everyone else) you're wearing squeaky fish-shaped slippers with a long piece of#toilet paper trailing after each one AND slipping on banana peels at the same time#no matter if i dance silly style together with friends OR try to look cool and sexy there's this huge Eye constantly present at the back of#my mind that coos about how cute and funny i am half of the time. and laugh uproariously the other half#which is why: i don't dance + cover my mouth while smiling + happiness is for other people#shrimp thoughts#it's wild how fucked up brains can get. I'd love to have realized this like a decade earlier so that I could have a semblance of a chance#at maturing emotionally into something at least roughly resembling a functional adult but ohhhhhh welllllllllllll
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