#i will have to drive there myself for the first time

[fairykukla]

Oh, I've done this for years and years.

First of all, most other people are charmed by the experience. I gathered Steampunks at Borders (when steampunk was new) and people asked us if we were doing a performance.

I've gone to get fast food dressed as a Star Trek character. Not the federation uniform either; full Klingon gear.

I've gone out for lunch in my theatrical costume for a show.

I've been just about everywhere in my Rocky Horror getup.

I've been to the grocery store dressed in medieval gear. I've been to the Ren Faire in full kimono.

On the extremely rare occasions that someone stops me to ask questions, all I ever have to say is some variation of "Oh, I'm in a play."

One time I had a guy say, "What's This All About?"

I was at a fast food place for lunch. I'd gotten out of my car, which had steampunk art* on the trunk. I was carrying a basket of Ball-Jointed dolls, and a camera. I was "dressed up" in the sense that I was just wearing something eclectic from my wardrobe.

I looked at myself, my basket and my car and just said, "Uh, art."

"No, I mean the car."

I beamed at him. "Art!"

*I was driving a shitty gold colored Impala that had a damn spoiler on it. I took it off and added copper pipes and findings to cover the holes. My mom borrowed my car once and got hounded in a parking lot: she told a whopper of a tale about drive-testing the new steam engine for Chevy.

I come by my weirdness honestly.

My friends and I used to do this thing where we'd dress up on a theme and go do something totally normal.

We dressed up as pirates and went bowling.

We dressed as vikings and went to the grocery store. The security guard told us we had to move our longship because it was illegally parked.

We dressed as Romans and went to Blockbuster. The staff chanted, "toga! Toga! Toga!" at us.

We dressed up all steampunk and went to the museum. Tourists kept taking our picture.

[anneapocalypse]

On wards and the Waking Sands.

I can't say whether this was intended, but there's something very interesting, and somewhat heartbreaking, about looking at the Garlean attack on the Waking Sands in light of certain plot points in the Warring Triad storyline.

In the latter, Urianger takes great pains to ward the containment bays on Azys Lla specifically so that the Garleans sniffing around the isles can't get into them and take control of the primals contained within. So certain is he that his wards are impassable by Garlean invaders that when they get past them regardless, he figures out pretty quickly that someone else must have taken them down, and that that someone is Unukalhai.

I wove the ward in accordance with the most closely guarded teachings of the archmages of Sharlayan. Naught was left to chance. Naught.

It's not surprising to me that Urianger, an Archon and arcanist, would have knowledge of such things. What is notable is that there were seemingly no such wards upon the Waking Sands when Livia sas Junius marched through its doors in ARR, slaughtering most of the Scions present and taking Minfilia and several others--those others including two Archons and talented mages--captive.

The Garlean attack has always stood out to me as highlighting the weaknesses in the Scions' operations in ARR. Far from mentioning any magical wards, Minfilia's shock is that Livia knew where to look for them at all. Clearly, the Scions believed their headquarters to be a far better-kept secret than it actually was, and this is well before the defeat of the Ultima Weapon thrusts them into the public eye. (In fact, after playing through this myself for the first time, every time I was called back to the Waking Sands thereafter I kept shouting at my screen, "NO! That location is compromised!" 😂)

It speaks to how the Scions had been operating before and during ARR, I think, that they really seemed to have believed secrecy alone would protect them.

And I can't help thinking of how this particular mistake must have haunted Urianger, in particular. After the bloody banquet, it's noted that he has cast a glamour over the Waking Sands to make it appear abandoned--a spell which Tataru says he has been preparing since the Garlean attack.

Though he rarely speaks of it, I think there's no doubt the attack affected him. I've written before of how I think this incident contributes to Urianger's subsequent downward spiral, considering that prior to the attack we see him socializing with many of the Scions who are later killed by Livia's troops. In light of the magicks he later employs specifically against the Garleans, I cannot help but think he probably holds himself responsible for failing to protect his friends and colleagues, one of many regrets that drive his later actions.

[whispersleo]

The joyous wyvern - the free book

You can find it in this drive folder!

Hello! Today I’m very excited to finally share this final project in my editorial design specialization: a children’s storybook album, inspired by the dialogue in The Wake written by Mary Kirby, where Illario talks about the time he went with Lucanis to hunt wyverns as children. I must mention that I took the liberty of introducing my own headcanon about their ages, with Illario being the oldest, because Lucanis strikes me as having a very clear "younger brother" behavior.

For this project, I’ve poured blood, sweat, and tears into it. I ended up doing absolutely everything myself when my classmate, who was supposed to help me with the layout for her part of the team project, just decided not to, but I feel content enough with the result to share it. Originally in Spanish, I translated and edited it into English so more people can enjoy it!

There’s a lot I’d like to say, I’ll be posting some sketches, the development process, the designs, and my usual notes [here], and I can answer any questions you might have about the project in the editorial area (or anything else about the project really), but for this post in particular, I just want to give you full, free access to this illustrated book and thank you because this has been on my mind and occupying my time for the last six months.

First, thank you to everyone in this amazing fandom who has supported my creative projects, whether by leaving kudos on AO3, liking my posts here on Tumblr, leaving comments, sending messages, or any form of support! You motivate me to create every day, make me feel welcome, and it’s so nice to be here.

Thanks to @woundedsoul12 for being the first person to welcome me to the fandom, read my works, and be vocal with me about it! In the beginning, I was so afraid of writing again, of making mistakes in some way, and I was very shy about showing what I was doing, but thanks to you, I’ve been able to gain confidence. Without your support, I don’t think I would have decided to keep creating for this fandom. You’ve allowed people to get to know me and have been incredibly kind about me and my work. I owe you so many thanks, I hope you never change, you’re an amazing person!

Thanks to @theheartmold for getting me interested in Illario as a character. Without your posts sharing your interest in the character, your analysis, and your overall enthusiasm, I honestly wouldn’t have been interested in reading Tevinter Nights or The Wake. After two playthroughs in the game, you made me decide to sit down and see that Illario had MUCH more to offer than his tragic portrayal in Veilguard. Maybe I don’t interact much with you, but I definitely wanted to let you know that without your posts, this illustrated story and in general, my content about Illario Dellamorte wouldn’t exist. You introduced me to my new favorite character, thank you so much!

And again, thanks to EVERYONE who has ever interacted with my work and with me as a person! Who has liked my art, fanfics, whatever! I hope you can now enjoy having this book that I give you with so much, so much happiness and love!

[genderoutlaws]

the past couple weeks have been harder than anything else and a complete blessing. getting sick, the sickness wrecking my throat and forcing me to quit smoking weed long enough to exit a 7+ year haze, that clarity (and the consequences of my own actions during said haze finally catching up to me) driving me to the most intense meltdown of my life as i finally stopped repressing my trauma long enough to process the past 25 years of my life and begin engaging with my therapist about things i never thought i would speak on, has been terrifying and healing.

weed dependency is often mocked and i've been directly told by family that it's not real when i worried about my mindset in relation to my drug use to one of them months and months ago, but it's real. and ultimately i am grateful that coping skill allowed me to dissociate from my reality enough to continue on without killing myself, and i am even more grateful to leave it behind. i've already talked about how i'm still taking edibles but 10mg once a night is so much healthier than the literal waking to sleeping haze i put myself in and i'm proud of myself for taking steps. they don't even feel like baby steps, getting rid of all my smoking supplies felt monumental. i feel like a real person for the first time in a long time.

[blanketfortmotel]

I blacked out and started typing what I saw like I was having a vision.

——

Beach Episode//Mermaid Siren would have instantly become a favorite for everyone. Ima let myself get lost with this one for a minute, hear me out y’all:

Sam finds a case where men are mysteriously disappearing off the shores of the Outer Banks and Dean bolts out of the room before Sam can finish pitching the details, running back in 5 minutes later in swim trunks and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, towel over his shoulder, sunglasses on his head, clapping his hands as he enters, “Let’s hit the beach, Sammy!” Rapidly rubbing his hands together, like he’s warming them up to hold onto Baby’s wheel til he sees white sand and waves.

“Dean, it’s a 12 hour drive to the outer banks, you really wanna wear that the whole way there?”

Dean’s looking down at his outfit with his lips pursed, eyebrows furrowing—sunglasses falling off his head onto the end of his nose.

“Did you even pack a bag?” Sam adds.

—

Bonus (where we diverge from what the CW would do, cause they’re thieving cowards):

Cas had walked into the room and was talking to Sam about the hypothetical case before Dean’s dramatic and tropical reappearance.

Cas doesn’t know what to focus his eyes on, the whole sight is making his ears ring pleasantly… Cas doesn’t feel warm as an angel, but there’s definitely something buzzing in his skin. “Bees” he mutters to himself, no one notices. He’s not even sure why he said that.

He’s screwed when they make it onto the actual beach and Dean strips his shirt off. The moment freckles touch sunlight Cas’s vision has gone completely white and out of focus. It takes him several minutes and spaced out blinking to tune back into reality. Dean is a distance away walking in the shallow tide by the time Cas can use his eyes again.

—

BONUS bonus:

“I’m a celestial being, Dean, why do I need a swim suit?”

“Cause I don’t wanna be seen with the weird guy on the beach wearing a full suit and trench coat in the middle of summer! If you were human you’d have goddamn heat stroke within an hour. People will stare.”

Oh, he’s right, they will stare, but it will have nothing to do with the presence of a trench coat and everything to do with the lack of one.

They had to stop somewhere an hour from the beach because it occurred to Dean that the only time he’d ever seen Cas do anything close to swimming was when he walked into a lake and instantly dissolved… can he even swim? Safe to assume he doesn’t own a pair, especially considering Dean only had the one pair of trucks he’d bought when he first got the idea for a beach trip—YEARS ago.

Now they’re debating over the importance of it all through a fitting room door, and Dean is trying to act like he’s not taking this as seriously as he obviously is. Hey, it’s better than him accidentally admitting to himself or Cas how much he wants to see him in nothing but trunks. Maybe the tie can stay, though, he’d get some odd looks on the beach… Maybe the trench coat could stay—no too hot looking— not HOT LOOKING- like it LOOKS HOT like- TEMPERATURE—“WARM”— THAT’S the word, Jesus. Someone get Dean to the beach before he combusts in this dressing room, all while giving Cas SUPER straight opinions on each pair of shorts the angel tries on.

Now Dean’s the one who doesn’t know what to focus his eyes on. He finds the carpet to be a rather intriguing pattern all of a sudden. The thick threads weaving in and out reminded Dean of waves crashing and rolling. He swears he can smell salt in the air and hear the strong, rolling ocean like it’s in front of him. When he closes his eyes, all he sees is blue, but it’s not quite the sea.

It’s his absolute favorite blue.

What do you think Team Free Will's go-to thing is when they're stressed?

GIVE TEAM FREE WILL A BEACH EPISODE

I swear, if SPN came out with a single 10 minute short about Team Free Will 3.0 going to the beach, they would make millions in day

I NEED to see the boys in shitty old man howaiian shirts, getting burned by the sun.

I need Dean to make fun of Sam for drinking a cocktail while sipping a margarita

Hell, throw in the Wayward sisters playing beach volleyball and surfing if you wanna keep up the "macho man show" ficade

But I will be DAMNED if you don't give me Castiel being buried alive by Jack because Claire told him that was what humans did with their parents at the beach

The beach is a safe space. It's a fun space

Let them fight a fucking mermaid

[uravityjenna]

HAPPY ONE YEAR SINCE I BECAME OBSESSED WITH THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS AND FELL IN LOVE WITH JAX!! 💘 ₊˚⊹♡

When The Amazing Digital Circus first came out, I took one look at Jax and intentionally avoided watching the series since I had a feeling I was going to become obsessed with it. When Episode 2 came out in May of 2024, an edit of Jax popped up on my TikTok For You and I heard him speak for the first time and that edit alone made me decide I couldn't resist anymore. That night I watched Episode 1, fell in love with Jax, composed myself enough to brush my teeth and then immediately after watched Episode 2 and the rest was history. I love this series so so so much and over the past year it has brought me so much joy, comfort, love and excitement. I love all of the characters so much, especially Ragatha and Pomni but Jax is my absolute favourite and I knew he would be. His mannerisms and attitude drive me crazy and I get so overwhelmingly excited everytime I see him on screen or see any new promotional material with him, and over the past year I've spent so much time seeking out fan-art, reading fics and engaging with the community about him and my favourite ships. I collect other characters too but I wanted Jax to be the focus of this post since most of my other characters I'm in love with I have been in love with since I was younger so I couldn't pinpoint the exact day I fell in love with them, but I know that date with Jax so I can celebrate it! I'm so blessed to have built up my collection of him, with a combination of officially licensed items and fan-made merch. Many of the items were made for me by one of my best friends Jo and I am so grateful she took the time to design and make them for me, and I will forever treasure them (A huge thank you Jo if you're reading this for supporting my obsession!!). I also have to thank my sister Sarah for getting me the official Jax keychain plush for Christmas!! I love and adore all of the items in my collection, but my absolute favourite is the official Jax plush in the middle who I have slept with almost every night since I got him. I'm so excited to learn even more about him as the show progresses!! 💜

[sirfrogsworth]

I'm sorry for being snippy. And if I seemed rude in the replies, I apologize. But I'd like to try this one more time and then I am going to step away from this post for now.

I just had to go 7 months without photography because of my disability. With the help of a friend, I took my first photo just a few days ago.

Creativity is almost as important to me as air. I've been driven to suicidal thoughts during periods when I couldn't express myself in any meaningful way.

And imagining going without it for over a decade, just having it trapped in my mind with no escape—I don't know if I could do it.

And I don't know what unethical things I'd be willing to try (and defend) if it meant having some semblance of creation.

Two decades ago, I was a stand up comedian for a while. I was getting pretty good. But then I got sick and it was taken from me. I truly felt it was what I was meant to do.

I still do. And I mourn that to this day.

Thankfully I was able to find a way to do comedy in another form. But people still called me a fake comedian. I wasn't doing "real" comedy. It was internet comedy.

That is why I have all of these feelings of trauma and empathy that relate to my friend's situation. How can I not?

We all participate in several unethical systems while also fervently fighting to improve them or even dismantle them for something better. We are so entrenched in them, I think we sometimes forget how unethical they are. Driving kills 40,000 people. Air pollution kills hundreds of thousands. And we all contribute to that. We all benefit from transportation and energy in many ways.

Generative AI is unethical and some disabled folks use it to cope with having their creativity taken away.

I am not going to stop the disabled from doing that. I'm not going to shame them or tell them to get crazy eye technology with no money. I am not going to make them use something much more inconvenient.

I'm also not going to call their creative expression sludge or slop. I'm not going to say it isn't genuine. And I'm not going to boil it down to simply a coping mechanism. Coping is part of it, but minimizing it to just that is reductive.

I understand my friend's pain on a very deep level. I'm asking people to try and imagine it and empathize even if it disagrees with general feelings about this technology.

If he asks, I am still going to tell my friend I think AI is hurtful to artists. I think I've proven where I stand many times. And I am going to fight to make sure artists and the environment are protected from this unethical technology. Just as I fight for public transportation and green energy.

This moral purity and rigidity without exception is a trap. And folks on the Left fall for it all the time. And when they can't possibly avoid being hypocritical, it makes it even harder to have complicated discourse in the gray areas.

Falling into the AI vortex.

Before I deeply criticize something, I try to understand it more than surface level.

With guns, I went into deep research mode and learned as much as I could about the actual guns so I could be more effective in my gun control advocacy.

I learned things like... silencers are not silent. They are mainly for hearing protection and not assassinations. It's actually small caliber subsonic ammo that is a concern for covert shooting. A suppressor can aid with that goal, but its benefits as hearing protection outweigh that very rare circumstance.

AR15s... not that powerful. They use a tiny bullet. Originally it could not even be used against thick animal hides. It was classified as a "varmint hunting" gun. There are other factors that make it more dangerous like lightweight ammo, magazine capacity, medium range accuracy, and being able to penetrate things because the tiny bullets go faster. But in most mass shooting situations where the shooting distance is less than 20 feet, they really aren't more effective than a handgun. They are just popular for that purpose. Dare I say... a mass shooting fad or cliche. But there are several handguns that could be more powerful and deadly—capable of one bullet kills if shot anywhere near the chest. And easier to conceal and operate in close quarters like a school hallway.

This deeper understanding tells me that banning one type of gun may not be the solution people are hoping for. And that if you don't approach gun control holistically (all guns vs one gun), you may only get marginal benefits from great effort and resources.

Now I'm starting the same process with AI tools.

Everyone is stuck in "AI is bad" mode. And I understand why. But I worry there is nuance we are missing with this reactionary approach. Plus, "AI is bad" isn't a solution to the problem. It may be bad, but it is here and we need to figure out realistic approaches to mitigate the damage.

So I have been using AI tools. I am trying to understand how they work, what they are good for, and what problems we should be most worried about.

I've been at this for nearly a month and this may not be what everyone wants to hear, but I have had some surprising interactions with AI. Good interactions. Helpful interactions. I was even able to use it to help me keep from an anxiety thought spiral. It was genuinely therapeutic. And I am still processing that experience and am not sure what to say about it yet.

If I am able to write an essay on my findings and thoughts, I hope people will understand why I went into the belly of the beast. I hope they won't see me as an AI traitor.

A big part of my motivation to do this was because of a friend of mine. He was hit by a drunk driver many years ago. He is a quadriplegic. He has limited use of his arms and hands and his head movement is constrained.

When people say, "just pick up a pencil and learn to draw" I always cringe at his expense. He was an artist. He already learned how to pick up a pencil and draw. That was taken away from him. (And please don't say he can stick a pencil in his mouth. Some quads have that ability—he does not. It is not a thing all of them can do.) But now he has a tool that allows him to be creative again. And it has noticeably changed his life. It is a kind of art therapy that has had massive positive effects on his depression.

We have had a couple of tense arguments about the ethics of AI. He is all-in because of his circumstances. And it is difficult to express my opinions when faced with that. But he asked and I answered. He tried to defend it and did a poor job. Which, considering how smart he is, was hard to watch.

But I love my friend and I feel I'd like to at least know what I'm talking about. I want to try and experience the benefits he is seeing. And I'd like to see if there is a way for this technology to exist where it doesn't hurt more than it helps.

I don't know when I will be done with my experiment. My health is improving but I am still struggling and I will need to cut my dose again soon. But for now I am just collecting information and learning.

I guess I just wanted to prepare people for what I'm doing.

And ask they keep an open mind with my findings. Not all of them will be "AI is bad."

[robotmechagirl]

Last night, before going to bed, seeing myself in the mirror gave me a wow moment. A "Holy hell this is really me." moment.

This morning, when waking up, I'm having a moment of it really sinking in that this is my body. I'm realizing that I'm actually kinda petite. Have I always been this small? From first person perspective it looks like my hips have gotten a lot wider, but checking it with a mirror shows it's not that much wider.

Hmmm... Still built like a stick. This notion compels me to get up and eat.

Oh, have a confirmed date this Saturday with someone from the dating app. I've been told I come across too eager so I toned it down for the last time I had a first date. They showed up with a potted plant and a vegan cookbook after driving 4 hours to come see me while I had talked myself out of getting flowers for fear of coming across too eager. So for this first date I might try to find something witchy to give because I would rather risk being too eager than mask like that again.

[tardis--dreams]

Reached the doctor's office on the 1st attempt today. Impressed.

They don't do covid vaccinations (:

[sysig]

Maybe something with Mousey being jealous of Hunter and Smoker for one reason or another? hehe

Day 7 - There might be a reason for that

Bonus:

[alicelillianshaw]

Jack was kind to her— that was irrefutable, provable fact, but even then, her face heats a bit as she waits for his reaction.

It was a bunch of ancient bones. Sediment. A gangly not-dinosaur that was heavy-handed in metaphor.

Alice also wouldn't have minded if he joked a bit— she likes when he jokes! But his reaction makes her break out into a grin that was, unfortunately, goofy in it's happiness.

'You’re incredible,'

'That’s so cool. The coolest tattoo I’ve ever seen. And the coolest story behind it.'

It wasn't. And she wasn't! But there was something about the pleasure sparking in her chest that makes Alice think she could float right off the couch. Jack seeing her, seeing this tattoo, all the pain and change it represented— that meant the world.

It made Alice wish for more tattoos; more opportunities to lift her shirt and bare her body and feelings to him.

Maybe— and it's a bit further than New Mexico, or any cramped doll muesum— Alice could take him to Berlin. They could stand in front of the sleek glass case, and Alice could take his hand, point out the hollow bones, the imprint of feathers that allowed this creature to fly.

God. Yeah. Yeah, Alice wanted that more than anything.

Except for wiping the look off of Jack's face now. Speaking about how old he is— speaking about a pain that sounds like it's carved into every inch of his body.

Alice frowns. She wants to erase that hurt from him more than anything.

'I know everyone makes mistakes, but I … lost everything. It feels that way. I know you did, too. I’m obviously not comparing, or anything. It’s just …'

'I lost Maddy because of it.'

Jack swallows; all is breaths and simple actions look difficult and strained.

He loved her. Alice's fingers curl into her palm, sudden and forceful, and she listens as Jack talks about a girl that wasn't his, biologically, but she was his in all the way that counts.

A daughter, that Jack loved.

And then he had lost her.

'I didn’t get to say goodbye or anything. I went to jail for the weekend. Couldn’t bail out until Monday. When I got home, everything was gone. I knew it was always going to end between me and Sophia. I think if I hadn’t been so … fucked up all the time near the end… I don’t know. Maybe I could’ve still seen Maddy now.'

It's horrifying to watch Jack recount it— watch his eyes squeeze shut, as if the events of that weekend were flashing before his eyes now. Stuck in jail. Jack was stuck there over the weekend, some cold, cramped space, no doubt, drying out from whatever he had taken, and when Jack got out?

When Jack got out, the only thing he was greeted by was the loss of his daughter.

Alice wants to throw up. Instead she sits there, quietly, staring at this man, the line between his brows, and the kind of memory that is forever stitched into your skull and heart and soul.

'I had a kid at home, and I got fucked up and decided to drive. For no reason. I could’ve killed someone. Or myself. And I had these fucking pills and some coke on me. I just fucked everything up. Maddy’s gonna grow up and I'll just be this blurry memory to her, when she was my whole fucking heart, and if she ever looks me up, that’ll probably be the first thing she sees.'

His last words echo around in her skull— Jack's belief that he would be walking around with this hole forever.

A gaping hole, and self-directed blame.

There's something wet and hot dripping on Alice's shirt; more tears. Tears for Jack. Tears for Maddy, for being torn away from a man that no doubt loved her fiercely.

Alice swallows with difficulty, and then moves.

Hugging Jack just seems right. It doesn't change anything, and Alice cannot fix his pain— but she can hold him. Very tightly, in fact, and she moves so quickly that she doesn't even have time to second-guess herself.

"Jack."

Her left hand rubs down each knob of his spine. "I'm so sorry."

And she was. Fuck, she was.

"That is— the worst thing you could lose, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine coming home to that. I can't imagine."

"I'm so sorry you didn't get to see her."

Again, as if acting on it's own accord, Alice's right hand raises, and settles in Jack's hair. This time she doesn't immediately remove it. It lingers, thumb rubbing against his scalp, fingers combing in a slow, tender fashion.

"I'm sure you love her so much. And maybe it will change, maybe— maybe you'll get to see her again. But however that works out, Jack, you love her, and there's no way she can forget that. Whatever is online is nothing compared to the time she was loved by you."

Alice presses her cheek against the bone of his shoulder, wishing she could leech out his pain.

"Kids remember being loved. Who wouldn't remember being loved by you?"

Look how kind Jack was to Alice already, look at the way Jack treated Cora, the tenderness and affection he showed her— the way he treated Maddy had to have been brilliant. Magnificently loving.

Jack held his breath, patiently (and also impatiently) waiting to see this tattoo. She lifted her shirt, exposing the tattoo along her ribcage. Jack smiled, wide and bright, leaning forward. He had to physically tell his hand no, you can’t just reach over and … touch her fucking ribs.  But he wanted to. God, he wanted to. His skin felt like it was burning up.

Somehow, he was able to retain the story behind the tattoo, even though his ears were ringing. Somehow. It felt like every little thing that he learned about Alice only made him fall even harder. Because that’s what was happening — there was no denying it. He was falling for Alice Shaw, no doubt about it.

The ribs. She was a writer. She seemed familiar with religion. God had made Eve from Adam’s rib. Maybe in some ancient world, there was a part of Jack that helped create Alice.

Jack blinked hard, attempting to banish away the thoughts of a time in the near future where he could press his mouth against the flesh there, capturing the tattoo in his mouth. Just because. Just because he could.

“You’re incredible,” was all that Jack could say. If he said anymore… he didn’t trust himself to behave. He smiled again, only snapping out of his daze when Alice lowered her shirt and adjusted her hem. “That’s so cool. The coolest tattoo I’ve ever seen. And the coolest story behind it.”

Suddenly, Jack had this desperate urge to learn everything he could about fossils and evolution and what religious theories people did and didn’t believe in and how it had influenced science at the time. He hated himself for not knowing it all already.

Proof that life isn’t static. Birds are everywhere. 

Words that would stick with Jack — probably for the rest of his life. A nice little mantra that he could dwell on during the particularly difficult moments and find comfort in knowing Alice had said them to him.

Sweet, perfect Alice.

It felt a little ironic. Alice seemed to be repeating his own words back to himself, but the situation was different. Not to lessen Alice’s own strife, but Jack felt totally irredeemable. He was too old to be doing the stupid shit he’d done. He was married with a kid at home and still decided to get behind the wheel of a fucking car while totally shitfaced. Not only that, but he was a public figure. It wasn’t a mistake that he’d made in private. The whole world knew.

Or at least, it felt that way.

Yet, Alice seemed so sure about him. So sure that he would’ve been kind to her, no matter when they’d met. Jack smiled a little sadly because he wanted that to be true. He wanted to be a good person.

“It’s just — I’m thirty-one. Nearly thirty-two. Too old to be doing the shit I was doing.”

Jack sighed. The wounds still felt very fresh. Sometimes, Jack couldn’t get out of bed at all. He wished that he felt numb instead. And when he felt that way, he took something to help.

“I know everyone makes mistakes, but I … lost everything. It feels that way. I know you did, too. I’m obviously not comparing, or anything. It’s just …”

Jack didn’t know how to say what he wanted to say. Maybe because he’d never really said it out loud.

“I lost Maddy because of it.”

There was a big lump in his throat.

Jack didn’t cry. Jack didn’t cry. Jack didn’t cry.

He swallowed.

“She wasn’t my kid. Not biologically. Her real dad wasn’t in the picture. And things between me and her mom hadn’t been good in a long time. Like, since we got married, basically, but Maddy. She was like the best fucking kid ever. And she loved me. And I loved her. She was my kid. I know I just said she wasn’t, but I was raising her like she was. She felt like my kid.”

His eyes stung with emotion. But Jack didn’t cry.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye or anything. I went to jail for the weekend. Couldn’t bail out until Monday. When I got home, everything was gone. I knew it was always going to end between me and Sophia. I think if I hadn’t been so … fucked up all the time near the end… I don’t know. Maybe I could’ve still seen Maddy now.”

Jack squeezed his eyes shut. Frustrated. Hurting. But it felt good to tell Alice these things, even when it felt like an old wound splitting open all over again.

“I had a kid at home, and I got fucked up and decided to drive. For no reason. I could’ve killed someone. Or myself. And I had these fucking pills and some coke on me. I just fucked everything up. Maddy’s gonna grow up and I'll just be this blurry memory to her, when she was my whole fucking heart, and if she ever looks me up, that’ll probably be the first thing she sees.”

Sometimes, Jack wished that he’d wrapped his car around a tree that night.

The only thing that kept Jack from fully losing it was the warmth at his cheek from where Alice's hand had been.

"It feels like I'm gonna walk around with this hole in my chest for the rest of my life."

[somnimagus]

did some vesperia chibis, i always forget how happy i get drawing these guys. i love them dearly

[id in alt text]

[cloudinal]

Guess who's been getting into KH lately

[disposal-blueeee]

[creaturefeaster]

agh!!!!

[specific-dreamer]

poll closes in a day except actually it closes in three hrs bc im impatient :) 🫶🏽