#so here's me putting it to stupid use lmao
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#yes it's all friends au but it is the dumbest stuff i've written lmao#also i just wanted to make a poll for funsies since i haven't had the option to make a poll for ages#so here's me putting it to stupid use lmao#friends au
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also to build off of this excitement, i would like to announce that according to my husband i have reached gender ambiguity so severe it scares our neighbors. what am i? my voice is mid. my chest is a little chubby but so is the rest of me. i have long hair but its paired with a camo trucker hat. my legs are unshaven but short. i am the boogeyman
#people genuinely and i mean this so fucking fr people genuinely grab their children and bodily put themselves between us#when i walk down the street in our stupid bougie neighborhood#we dont belong here and everyone can tell LOL were in the cheapest most falling apart house in the area#people swerve off sidewalks and walk in the middle of the street to go around me. or run up their porches#and i mean RUN dude. run up their porches and inside. its insane#we thought for the longest time its bc we look like an unidentifiable but definitely faggy couple#but lo told me recently that he doesnt get that reaction at all when hes alone LMAO#'its because they cant figure out what you are. you look really ambiguous like that.'#fucking score
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anyway i'm (very slowly) working on a lil meme doodle bc it's been in my brain for weeks now
#it looks bad rn. i mean it'll look bad when it's done too but lmao#i'm fixing it up & cleaning it up here and there as i find the energy#but it's v v slow going. i work for like 10 mins before i feel like giving up so i put it aside again lmfao#i also still Do Not have great supplies for this bc my pen doesn't have pressure recognition which is MISERABLE#but it is better than the last one i was using so. i'm muscling through out of sheer determination#and also bc I NEED to get this stupid thing outta my head lmao#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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Authentic Story of the Shining Force - Saint Fencer Max - Chapter 3
Translation notes:
So, uh. Elliot's name is rendered with two t's in the og game, but a single one in the GBA version. I had never paid attention to that at all until I had already edited all these pages, and I don't care enough to change it.
Cain's sword causes an explosion here. In the game, it is indeed capable of summoning flames.
This is a perfect illustration of how I feel about these names, but I do wonder what the actual intention was, since Cain is supposed to be already gone. The original image is even cut off weirdly in the middle of the text, and i don't think it's a problem with the scan, since every scanned page has a black border showing that the paper itself doesn't cut there. I wonder about the production of this thing, but i'll wait until i translate the author's comments before saying more.
The map in the previous chapter was very accurate to the beta map of the game. The smaller map here showing Rindo however looks off, the coast is different, and there seems to be a river directly to the north of Rindo, as opposed to the path to Shade Abbey. Perhaps fitting since Shade is skipped here.
Metaphaluna, huh? Needlessly to say, the country of the gods/Ancients is called only Metapha in the final game. Also, in this panel, it pops up as an alternate reading for 前世紀 (ancient times), not the name of a country specifically. I chose to romanize the last part as "luna" for three reasons. One is that the continent of Rune is actually rendered as Lune in at least two guides. I take romanizations from JP guides with a grain of salt since they sometimes look bad/unnatural, or are inconsistent (Pelle's name for example has been romanized as both Peil or Payle depending on the book). I checked though, and town names however are consistent in both the books I've seen romanizing things. The second reason is that the beta map used at this point has a fairly noticeable crescent moon shaped island right in the middle. In the final game, we can't know exactly where Metapha is, because you only teleport there. But I wonder if this island had something to do with it at some point. The third reason is simply I saw no better reason. Metaphalna and Metapharuna would be just as valid, but don't have any meaning to them.
The biggest equation next to Tao as she explains the magic types is very clearly a E=mc². Look close.
I've retranslated Elliot's scenes from the game thinking it would be relevant to these notes. Now I feel it really isn't, but you get more content so you should be happy.
My main point with that is that Elliot does not say anything about Cain in the game. In the GBA version, Balbazak does try revealing Max, Cain and Darksol's identities before dying, but that's not a thing in the og. So yeah I really translated a bunch of stuff for nothing this time! Except not because Darksol is awesome in that scene and everyone should get to see it.
Now let's talk about Otrant. I have mentioned before that Otrant's gender is never explicitly said, and they speak in a mostly gender neutral way (I feel like there's a few masculine patterns in some lines, but I'm not confident enough to say for certain). What I hadn't noticed is that they also use lipstick in the games, which is probably what sparked these observations to begin with, but i'm uh, occasionally not smart. In any case, if any of these aspects were done at this point in development the artist here sure ignored them, and drew a regular old man who gets called an old man. They hate to see an androgynous boss winning.
I don't recall Otrant's third eye being called "Eye of Truth" anywhere else, but the manual of the game does say it can see the past and the future.
Otrant's naming of the Shining Force is a bit more elaborate here, but the wording is very similar to the actual game.
Finally, let's play spot the cameo!
We've got Gong, Zylo, one of the birds, and probably Anri. Easy.
Here, besides the obvious three who were actually introduced in the story, we again have a bird, Anri between Ken and Hans, Gong to the right, and Mae and Gort behind Luke. If you read the pre-release page you know that Gort was meant to be Mae's servant at some point, so this might be why they're together, or it's just coincidence because they still join around the same time in the final game. More importantly, to Ken's left we have...
Some guys. Who are these. They could be made up by the artist (there will be another case of this), but I find it curious that the artist had to do that when there are so many character to pick from, and he clearly wanted to depict official characters here. For one, there's evidence that Earnest was already designed at that point in development. However, that link also shows that Vankar didn't have a portrait by that time at least, and Vankar would have already joined by this point in the story. So could the bald centaur here be a beta Vankar, or the artist's interpretation of Vankar via unfinished art? Maybe, but just a guess in the end. Mostly I'm just fascinated by how detailed this guy is compared to even Mae and Gort's cameos. The other guy isn't so i don't think about them nearly as much.
#shining series#shining force#saint fencer max#saint fencer max translation#sf cain#sorry i mean 'giga cain'. lmao#this is what i meant when i said i was hysterical about the chapter names btw. how are these real names#also. 'what a stupid face' lol. definitely do not share any genes with this guy or whatever#he is coping#sfm max#god the battle scene is. so bad. now you get what i meant by this thing not engaging the premise right. zero group battle#he's just doing random shonen shit. fellas he's a swordsman not sonic the hedgehog. why is he dodging lasers#sfm tao cantal#in a good manga a villain telling the fire mage 'no matter how strong the flames they can be a force for good'#would be some sort of character moment#don't expect anything of it here though#also the magic thing is infuriating because it's so close to my headcanons but fails the landing into some bizarre anti-science bullshit??#mages are said to be studious everywhere else so to put a line about equations there is just wack. also manarina literally has machines#just make the point about actual environment destruction you dumbass#i wonder how masaki wachi felt on this because the spells in the GBA version often show machines (and blaze 4 is a laser)#but torasu does spout some anti-tech stuff in his HQ lines#still less bad than here tho#sf elliot#you lose something of his character by not showing the fight#but the talk is far more interesting than the game#if you removed his mentions of darksol in pao and used this after the battle i think it would be the best portrayal of him#i think about him a lot. there's the shape of a good character but it never nails the landing to me in any version#though perhaps this is more due to the characters' full acceptance of him than he himself#which is why final conflict again wins by having his own son condemn him#...and then loses again by having lynx be the worst version ever of 'villain is okay because he has Honor' in this series
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yes im trying not to be so mean yes im working on my temper but under no section of my Healing Contract does it mention that these things must apply to my sister. in fact if you read the fine print it says im actively allowed to make her miserable. for my mental health
#she's so mean all the time like constantly telling me im stupid and shit#which probably didn't hit as hard before this econ degree but now every time she does it im just kinda like :/#and i laugh it off obvs bc am i fuck about to look put out by it#so she genuinely doesnt have any reason to stop bc ive not set any boundaries or communicated or yk. done anything correctly#i instead just let it frustrate the fuck out of me until one day im in a bad enough mood that i'll give as bad as she does#which i HATE bc as tough shit as she thinks she is i always think being mean - specifically the primary school way she does it -#is SO embarassing as a conflict method like girl 'you're stupid' is really the best you can come up with? bffr 😭#like when i say IM mean and SHE'S mean im talking about very different things#im mean less often than her but when i do it it's effective bc i literally catalogue people's insecurities and use them against them#like some fucking anime villian like it's actually uncomfortable to watch and i hate myself every time#whereas her way is effective bc it's all dumb comments ANYONE could make but she says them repeatedly until she wears you down#and of the two methods they're both shit but at least my way isn't cringe LMAO#so if i ever get so frustrated i revert to her method i just get v annoyed with myself like IM better than this she might not be but i am#and we've just been moving things in the garden with mum which is a flashpoint anyway#and me and my sister were just GOING at each other and it was all jokes until i said something she didn't like#and she was like 'what's your problem? it's fine when we're joking but you always take it too far' girl.#like i cannot accurately explain on here how ridiculous that statement is coming from HER#and if id said something actually horrible id get it but the convo was literally just#her: mum can i wear your watch for the chem ball coming up?#me: why do you need a watch for that?#her: ive got a dumb tan line on my wrist that i want to cover#me: i really dont think anyone is going to be looking at your wrists#THAT WAS IT LMFAO??? YOU HYPOCRITICAL LITTLE BITCH#ironically i had a field day with it like her saying that was the worst thing she could have done#latched onto it like a bloodhound fr my eyes must have lit up#i was like 'dont be such a baby' which is basically a fucking trigger word in our house#thought she was gonna hit me with a spade <3 peace and love on planet earth#godddddd i cant wait for her to go back to uni i HATE sharing a room i cannot escape her she's literally here as i type#i hope she knows im slagging her off to my niche online micro-community#hella goes home
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ggghhg i hate vehiclessssssss ghghghhghhhhh [dies dies dies forever]
#just me hi#i'm going to get right back to it but i need to complain or i'll turn into a stale loaf of Bread lmao :3👍#so here it is. why's it gotta be so hard hhghfh#okay buildings suck i hate buildings. but also they don't make me want to immediately explode at the merest hint of actually drawing them#vehicles?? Vehicles ???? i am going to just. what if i just put everyone in magical cardboard boxes and did that huh. what is the point !!#i have to draw motorcyclessss and carssssss and i'm okay with bikes to a degree actually <3 and horsessssssss and truckssssssssssss#god forbid you pick an older model with like 20 articles on it cuz most of them are going to only have a side profile and 3/4s view of that#dang thing. which yea sounds manageable 'why is this a problem keeps' i cannot properly see the FRONT#i have to guess?? i have to Guess ???? my dearest wish i think i'm just going to live in the sewers. with the sewer creatures#GGHHHHHHHHHHHH#i am going to practice drawing this stupid thing that i'm going to use for like 7 panels MAX and then i'm going to commit a FOUL crime. lik#rearranging someone's usual playlist without them knowing so they're confused every time they listen to it afterwards#//okay enough of that. we're good hbfhsfh :3#i have done other things today ! i've actually made a rough timeline for pi.e so thaaaat's cool :D#that and found a cool artist to follow on pillowfort. i. forgor their user but they have cool art .w.#/also i'm past the halfway mark on this first chapter which is !!!#i don't want to jinx myself cuz i know i'm really good at that hfhsv - but i think i'll start storyboarding the next part if i can get a#couple more pages done :D#//also the cowboy au grows stronger everyday hhhgfshvbh#i kind of knew some sort of au was inevitable but i did not think it would be an old west one loll :3#still trying to figure out the logistics#i wanna find some good historical fiction from those eras (1860s-70s) but i do not have the brain space for it rn fbhs - so this will do :>#it won't have any of the magic or gods i think bc of that but i'm having fun regardless :D#it Does have some occult though. because i was playing the story for my brother and i Do enjoy scaring him hhbvhfhsfvh#there are devils on the ranch!! or are they devils?? he hasn't gotten that far yet lol :>#//i also may have some sort of weird lean towards the spooky because Somehow each of my stories end up containing some sort of thriller#element?? lmao rip my siblings#but it never happens on purpose. again; rip my siblings hfhhvsh#//oo running out of tag space lol <//3#i shall return. probably with more wip stuff cuz i started like 4 canvases in 2 days hhghghdvs - toodles !!
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#look this was probably the most experimental post i've ever done considering i had to make the newspaper article from scratch#and to be entirely honest i uuuh im not happy with it lmao#i should've done an obituary instead of the article but too late ! i have no energy to start again#but whatever .the point is that the article is supposed to allude to alex's death okay so yes obituary would've worked better but too bad#idk i think i just had a massive brain blegh halfway through which sucks because i was thinking about this post all day#but the idea behind the whole concept and the QUOTE in the first place and the stupid article concept#was the idea that nigel wasn't the only one to kill himself at the end of the film#alex did too . just not in the literal sense#alex kills the old version of himself . kills the who he used to be#this did not do that quote or the intention behind the post justice but i'm just gonna dump it here and go#also deep in tags is the best place for me to put the random shit i'm thinking of and i've had the trainyard scene on my mind lately#but i left my thoughts to simmer too long and now it's been reduced into thickness 😞 but anyway#greg may have been too much of a coward to give them the maraclea ending they deserved#but he will never be able to take away the fact that the trainyard scene will always be their version of the myth TO ME and me only probs#okay because that story is supposed to parallel the typical conventions of marriage - the consumation when he lays with the body#and then 9 months later the skull symbolises a birth resulting from their union#that moment at the railway ? where nigel shoots himself with the very gun alex is holding?#that's their consumation babes; their union; their wedding#'pray for me pray for yourself we're one now' may as well be their vows#and what do we get as a result of that union 9 months later? we get jack#jack is the product of these 2 people becoming 1 and just like the skull granted great power to the lord#so too does jack grant power to alex; the power to take control of his life and forge his own path forward#me making this post 🤝 cats : oooooo big stretch#seriously#lowkey glad no one will see this in the tag search lmao#like minds
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you know after growing up w rammstein and it being my main fixation for several years in HS and pretty briefly being in the “fandom” (here actually bc twt wasnt rly a popular site for fandom stuff yet, i rly only remember tumblr and deviantart for that) it makes me rly glad i wasnt into ghost back then lmao
#putting aside everything thats happened surrounding rammstein and till in the past few years#like ppl are obnoxious and rude and say stupid shit to/ abt tobe and the ghouls#but that tends to be a v small fraction and ppl defend them#but this was early early 2010s tumblr before it was known for discussions of minorities and political correctness and whatever#ppl just said ANYTHING and others went along with it#and a lot of it was horrific fatphobia and misogyny brought over from the 2000s since most of the prominent ppl in the fandom here back then#were adults#i specifically seeing so much shit abt richard in particular#ppl acting disgusted w his body bc hed put on weight and had a belly/ bigger arms by the lifad era and was shirtless onstage a lot#which was always crazy given he stands next to till who has ALWAYS been a bigger guy yet indisputably been the most widely adored by fans#and oh my god the way ppl would talk abt their wives/ girlfriends.#even then as a teen inwas SHOCKED by some of that shit lmao#i vividly remember somebody making fun of one of richards exes#i think abt alleged unfaithfulness while touring which i dont know if there was ever any truth behind#i vividly remember somebody saying ‘if inwas married to him id send him on tour with a box of condoms bc its inevitable’#LIKE GIRL WHAT#ppl complained so much and still do abt tumblr being so PC#but this was an absolutely LAWLESS place before then let me tell you#those examples are still on the tamer side for sure#kids today will never know how common it used to be to say you wanted somebody you were attracted to to rape you.#like rape THEM like not ‘i wanna fuck him’ it was ‘i want him to rape me’#ABOUT REAL PEOPLE#it was insane
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#open mick night#attempting to present without comment but i just cannot ignore how stupid 4chan's trans slurs sound LMAO#and how so obvious it is that they're from 4chan when u hear people on here use them#anyway i'm 'thought to not put effort into passing' who want me
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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.
Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."
Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.
Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."
[Follow up to this ask]
#snap chats#yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered#LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now#i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of#thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it#masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are#i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does#about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it#'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively#i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk#there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers#though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent#idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur#but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything#moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed#making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner#on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked#i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft#'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS#anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry#BYE
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I love my mom but sometimes, for lack of a better way to put it, she acts like an entitled boomer. It's already a peeve of mine when people bitch about kids and what they're bitching about is kids doing completely normal, expected shit for kids to do but my mom takes it a step further and implies my nieces doing normal kid idiocy is like a personal failing and ok. Look, my youngest niece is rammy as hell this kid is a bowling ball and she's here to win, but she's seven. I expect seven year olds to be Like That and be empty head no thoughts until they break something, that's normal. No sense in getting pissed off at a seven year old for acting exactly the way you'd expect them to, but the thing that extra pisses me off is that instead of just making peace with this and teaching any of my nieces where they went wrong and how to fix it my mom just kind of expects literal children to be able to just get some verbal feedback and figure it out?? Like come on now, I have 2 siblings surely she should know zero kids are equipped to get not very useful feedback and figure out how to apply it to everything??
My oldest niece gets it the worst and every time my mom says shit about personal responsibility I want to roll my eyes so hard they pack their bags and go on a vacation to Hawaii because my niece is 12 (almost 13)- if she's not taking 'personal responsibility' then someone didn't teach her how to or at least not in a way that stuck and worked for her. It's actually the adults personal responsibility to teach a child how to develop emotional maturity, not for a kid to be grated about all the damn time like any 12 year old is equiped to be The Most Emotionally Mature Ever. Problem being my mom is NOT good at taking feedback on parenting so if I say anything I gotta wrap it up nice and sweet and make sure it comes off almost more like offering advice rather than criticism, which irritates me because "if your so pissed off about this behavior why don't you do something about it and NO not the only thing you've been trying for years and complaining doesn't work because fucking obviously why do I have to explain this to someone who surely knows far more about parenting than I would" is a lot easier than my methods that aren't working any better than my mom's.
#winters ramblings#the biggest problem is that when i HAVE pointed this out she points ME out. half the time i never even needed to be tokd what for#my susters did dumb sbit and i decided not to do that same dumb shit but like you cant take a particularly smart kid#and decide ALL kids are like that. neither of my sisters were like that especially my middle sister#so like why the hell am i being used as an example here lmao im not relevant in this case#my nieces are not weirdly smart emotionally like i was and id also like to point out HALF MY PARENTS WERE DYING#for nearly all of my childhood that i can remember. im pretty sure THATS what made me Like That. i just had am awareness most kids dont#because most kids arent as unlucky as i was to go through something so harrowing. my sisters also had shit but not like that#their shit i think made it hard for them to do relationship stuff whereas mine made me a snart kid and an extremely distrustful adult#still if youre mad a kid is acting A Fool its the ADULTS job to make sure that kid is bding taught ahat they need to know#in a way THEY understand and put to use. not repeating how YOU understand shit over and over again#my mom is great dont get me wrong but sometimes she does shit and i want to roll my eyes because its so stupid#kids do not naturally posess every adult skill in the book and actually will probably take their WHOLE livesto develop#so instead of being mad a seven year old rams shit around give that kid 80 billion reminders every time theyre rammy#not to do that. drop in an example where they brine so.#something they liked because nothing convinces kids to behave like being reminded that they actually like their stuff#and even then a million more things will break. thata how kids work#if i busted some shit being rammy then that would be that abd id clean it up. kids deserve the same courtesy
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this assay is so fucking fake......
#same one ive been working on for like 3 months. every other assay ive trained on took me a couple goes to get but ive done this one ~45x#and i keep getting 2 good runs and then 1 fail. which SUCKS bc i need 3 passes in a row to sign off on it#and its so sensitive that changing even tiny things like using a different brand same volume beaker. or a 0.5cm longer flea#anyway i had another 2 good runs this week so this was my 3rd but bc its a friday afternoon im tired as fuck and keep making dumb mistakes#like overstirring it + one of my samples leaked which is soooo embarrassing bc ive already had to ask for more before bc its taken me-#almost 50 fucking attempts already#anyway. hour and a half into prep and im at the most crucial time sensitive part which is pipetting thr enzyme into the substrate#and i manage to do it all w even time spacing (u have to replicate the exact same pace at the end of the timer or it doesnt work)#and then realise id picked up a different identical model pipette that was set to half the volume i was meant to put in FUUUUCK#by that point i was like fuck it im almost 2 hours in and nothing else to do the rest of the day. so ill work around it + see what happens#i figured well its half the volume. so if i add the same half volume again at the 5 minute mark and leave it for 12.5 instead of 10 mins#then itll hydrolyse the substrate to the same degree. IN THEORY in practice this stuff never works bc of error margins etc#bearing in mind this js like 30 seconds of thought bc it took me a couple mins to realise what i did#but the thing abt working in a lab is u make these split second decisions constantly bc everything is so time sensitive#so u have to be quick thinking on ur feet#anyway long story short got to the end of the 3 hour process. which i was carrying out v sloppily bc the chances of it working were-#slim by that point lmao. but lo and behold it was completely fucking fine. all cvs less than 5% and averages <5% of spec#which is awesome bc it means after THREE MONTHS and like. 45x3 whats that AT LEAST 135 HOURS OF FOCUSED TIME ON IT#not counting attempts i gave up on halfway thru bc id alreaady fucked them up bad#i can FINALLY sign off on it lmfao. but im just so mad like why does it play these mind games with me. it shouldnt have worked#whatever chemistry is such a fickle stupid science. anyway wahoo weekend time baby#gorgeous weather here + im gonna get pizza on the way home...... maybe life doesnt suck sometimes 😇#mutuals if ur still at work stay strong soldiers#.diaries
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life update pls are you ditching tumblr
not ditching but also not active, I may pop up here occasionally like i am tonight but that’s about it. Tumblr just isn’t really for me anymore as of right now.
As for an UPDAATE; not a whole whole lot, Ya girl got hitched this year to her bff (obsessed the whole thing was my witchy forest spooky dream), have had so many amazing travel experiences, friendships,etc.
Other than that I’m honestly just really proud of myself, The past 2 years have been crazy and I wish me from 4-6 years ago could really see me now :’) she’d be shocked.
Part of me wishes i could reach out to old people just to hash things out from an older/ new perspective on life(and clear up false things holy shit there’s alot that i’ve learned about),etc. But the past is the past and all I can do is keep growing & healing as a person, and wish the same for them, no matter what animosity may still be there (rightfully so)
That’s all i got! lmao
#me from 3+ years ago literally feels like i’m watching a total stranger??#I wish things could be sorted out and cleared up#There are so many things that are false about both parties#things got extremely out of hand and it should have just been spoken about#but we were young and stupid and still learning how we feel and process everything#we are both guilty for different things#but we both have had false things made up about us to pit us against each other#there is no friendship to be rekindled but there is plenty of closure to be had#T if you see this for whatever reason#i seriously doubt you will but this post will sit here in case there is a time that you for some reason look at my account#You never have and never will deserve the horrible things that have happened and been said to you#I hope you are okay and healing#if you are i am so happy for you#genuinely.#you can be mad and curse me out like you already probably are lmao#just needed to put this out into the universe either way.#we both are guilty but we both had things put out that we said about each other that was completely false.#And ik yk who was definitely trying to spread fake shit and stir the pot lol#If you ever get to the point where you just need someone to vent to#I know i am the ultimate last choice but just know you can reach out to me to talk about anything and I will not bring up the past unless#it’s something you feel like talking about#if you don’t I understand. We are both old now and need to accept that we were both the bad guys in each others story but we were also both#the victim of each others lashing out#be safe and I truly truly hope you are doing well in life. Please stay yourself and always remember your worth Taylor#And thank you for helping me come out of my shell back in highschool. It is something I will genuinely always be grateful for
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open wide | park seonghwa
pairing: park seonghwa x afab!reader
word count: 5.7K
summary: you start working at a restaurant and everything seems to be going well; you work hard, you made friends, and even when you mess up, your coworkers still have your back… except for the bartender, seonghwa.
warnings: 18+, minors do not interact, restaurant!au, bartender! and dom!seonghwa, enemies to lovers trope, HATE FUCK, oral (f and m receiving), pussy slapping, dick slapping, choking, hair pulling, edging, fingering, creampie, alcohol consumption, sex under the influence of alcohol (but both consenting), unprotected piv (WRAP IT UP BE SAFE), cumplay, dacryphilia, seonghwa is an asshole and reader is strangely attracted to it, degrading, reader gives switch vibes, VERY descriptive smut scene [i have no shame], seonghwa is HUNG, use of pet names (princess, baby, good girl, little/dirty slut), woosan allegations LMAO, lmk if i missed anything! also feat. server/work bestie!ryujin, server!wooyoung and san, food runner!mingi, and restaurant manager!hongjoong.
author’s note: me n my friend were talking about seonghwa and the thought of him *ahem* slapping his dick on ur face .. and it sent us into a spiral. i had to make dreams come true. thank u to @hausofmingi and T for being my beta-readers and for giving amazing feedback and ideas :-) this one goes out to all the restaurant girlies!
seonghwa was pissing you the fuck off.
working at a restaurant is already hard enough, but to have an enemy that you work with? it’s unbearable.
you were new to the industry when you started at the restaurant, and of course you got treated like you were stupid for the first few months. you almost expected it, since you had friends who worked at restaurants and they warned you that people will walk all over you for being “green.” you learned as fast as you could, making mistakes here and there. but eventually you felt as if you proved everyone there wrong; that you are a good server and you are hard working, despite your mistakes. you built a rapport with your coworkers, and they granted you grace when you needed it. everyone, except for him.
the bartender. god that fucking bartender. your manager hongjoong introduced you on your first day, and ever since you’ve been butting heads.
“this is seonghwa, our bartender,” hongjoong says, pointing out the black-haired man setting up the bar. “he’s been here since we opened, but he’s been in the industry for even longer.”
“oh, wow,” you exclaim, watching him splay out the non-slip mats around the bar.
“yeah, wow,” hongjoong laughs. “this guy can pour exactly an ounce of liquor without even looking. and he’s fast. you’ll learn a lot from him.”
the corner of seonghwa’s mouth quirks up in almost a smug way. he’s good and he knows it. with his legendary status came his cockiness.
“well i gotta grab some paperwork for you to finish up,” hongjoong says as heads to the back. “i’ll be back out in a sec.”
you stand by the bar, basically twiddling your thumbs. “it’s nice to meet you, i’m–"
“look, princess,” seonghwa interrupts. “as much as i love introducing myself to yet another newbie, i have more important things to do right now.”
and that was just the beginning, and not just for your newfound nickname.
the best way to sum up how he continues to treat you is from this one specific experience. you rang up drinks for your table, and you meant to put a vodka soda instead of a tequila soda. you noticed it right away so you immediately cancelled that order and rung it up correctly. you promptly went to the bar to tell seonghwa.
“hey, ignore that first ticket for the tequila soda, i sent a new ticket,” you called out. but when seonghwa turned, he had the drink already in his hand, looking like he was about to set it on the drink pass.
“oh.”
he grabbed the new ticket with his other hand, glanced at it briefly, looked at you, and then slammed the ticket onto the ticket spindle. he turned around and dumped the drink in the sink and started making the new drink.
“hey i’m sorry, it was a mistake,” you defended.
“yeah yeah, it’s fine, princess,” he said with an eye roll. he placed the new drink on the pass. you inspect his face, wondering if it really was fine. he scoffs and pushes the drink forward more. “just take your drink and go, it’s way too fucking busy to be standing around talking.”
maybe it wasn’t a big deal. maybe he was just in the weeds and was taking it out on you. that’s the thing about restaurants, when you’re in the middle of service and everyone’s running around, you kinda end up saying shit you don’t mean. it was never anything personal. you knew that because at the end of service, you’d finish up closing with your coworkers and have a shift beer, laughing it off like it didn’t happen. because it didn’t matter in the end, it was just a restaurant.
but seonghwa never joined. even tonight, when you, the other servers, and even the manager were sat around the bar having your drinks, he just quietly broke down the bar.
“hey seonghwa,” hongjoong calls after him. “don’t worry about the bar, i’ll take care of the rest of it. you guys had a really hard night. have your shift beer and chill.”
“no no, i’ve got it. i’m just gonna finish up and get out of here.” you watch him as he lifts up the floor mats and starts mopping the sticky floor. you turn to your coworker, ryujin, who’s sipping at her PBR.
“i think seonghwa hates me,” you say, just low enough under your other coworkers chatting.
“what?” she laughs. “no no, i don’t think so. he’s just kind of an asshole.”
you glance over at him as he’s wiping down the back counters. you turn back to her.
“i don’t know, he’s just always been kinda short with me.” you look down at your drink and fiddle with the tab. “i feel like he doesn’t really like me. i don’t know what i did.”
“listen,” ryujin starts, placing a hand on your shoulder. “he’s short with everyone. shit, i’ve been here like 2 years and i still know nothing about him. don’t worry about it. he’s just here for a check like everyone else.”
you watch as seonghwa starts to walk back to the kitchen, lifting his sweatshirt off of his form, and a sliver of skin peeks at the small of his back just below his t-shirt. you can’t look away until he’s out of your line of sight, and ryujin starts giggling next to you.
“wait a minute, do you like him or something?” ryujin whispers.
“no no!” you say. “it’s just—i feel like it’s easy for me to talk to everyone here. with him, he just brushes me off. and he started that stupid nickname. ‘princess’. it feels condescending.”
“well i don’t know,” ryujin shrugs. “i don’t think he likes to mix business with pleasure anyway, in any form.”
you nod and look to see seonghwa back at the register, counting the cash and pulling out tips. he walks over and hands each server their share of drink tips, leaving you last. you look up at him, but he doesn’t even look at you. he just places the money on the bar, and quickly turns to go back to the kitchen.
“okay,” you sigh. “well i’m gonna get out of here, i gotta get some sleep. are we still on for sunday celebration?”
“um yeah dude. i’m gonna need it after we deal with the sunday service crowd.” ryujin grabs her bag and starts heading to the door with you.
“sunday celebration.” it’s kind of like a fucked-up weekly tradition your restaurant has. the weekend drives all of the staff mad and then after service sunday night, (since the restaurant is closed on mondays) pretty much everyone working grabs a shift drink and books it to the dive bar a couple streets over. is it healthy? absolutely not. but is it kinda weirdly cathartic? absolutely it is.
and you really really needed it after sundays service. you got stuck with a 15-top who had all sorts of allergies and dietary restrictions. like who the hell has a lettuce allergy? are they just making it up because they just don’t like lettuce? and why the hell are you trying to order a house salad when the main ingredient is literally lettuce? plus their drink orders were nuts. a tequila on the rocks? JUST tequila? and what’s worse is that the guy ordered like 4 of them. you just finished ringing in his 5th one.
you walk up to the bar to grab the drink (because damn seonghwa is fast) and look up to see him turning to you.
“hey, you gotta cut that guy off after that drink,” he says while shaking a cocktail in a shaker.
“yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” you laugh dryly.
“you shouldn’t have even rang this one,” he says, setting the shaker down. “you know there’s a 4 drink max, right? that’s like, a policy we have.”
“oh, i didn’t know that i guess.” you stab the ticket on the spindle.
“yeah i guess not,” he says with a sharpness in his voice, and starts pouring the drink in the cocktail glass. “just don’t do it again, princess.”
yeah, maybe you didn’t know that rule. but why does he have to talk to you like that? you start walking towards your 15-top, past the kitchen. you must’ve been really in your head about what seonghwa said because you completely missed someone yelling “corner.”
what happened felt like hours long, but it was probably only a few seconds. the food runner mingi was walking out of the kitchen with 3 plates of food. when you were passing by the kitchen entrance, it was too quick to move, and down fell all 3 plates. it was a mess.
“oh my god mingi, i’m so sorry!” you exclaim. you immediately grab a broom and attempt to sweep what you can.
“don’t apologize to me, apologize to seonghwa,” mingi says meekly, picking up the pieces of broken plate. “it was going to his 2-top at the bar.”
fuck. you don’t even want to look at him. you know he’s pissed. you finish cleaning the last bit of your mess while mingi goes back and asks for a refire on those dishes. as soon as you throw out the trash, you feel tears start to well up in your eyes. you can’t cry in the front of house, it’s unprofessional. but you can’t cry in the kitchen, unless you want the whole back of house to pester you with questions. the only solution was one place, every server’s safe haven: the walk in freezer.
you close the frosty door behind you, letting out a deep sigh that turns quickly into a billowing cloud. then, the waterworks. you couldn’t even help it, it all became too much. maybe it was out of frustration or stress, either way, you really needed this cry. tears stream down your face, turning cold on your cheeks from the freezing air.
it was mostly frustrating because the whole reason this happened was because of seonghwa. he snapped at you for not knowing some stupid rule, and it caused you to lose focus. it’s his fault.
just when you felt yourself calming down, the freezer door opens swiftly. it was him.
“you wanna tell me why my table’s food was refired?” seonghwa spits, anger in his eyes. “they’re gonna have to wait another 10 minutes and they’ve already been waiting for their food for 20.”
“seonghwa, please,” you huff, trying to hold it together. “can i just have one more second?”
“no! i could be totally out of a tip from a table because of you.”
“dude, it was a mistake!” you defend. you feel backed into a corner. literally, the walk-in was tiny and you were basically pressed up against the cold wall with seonghwa hovering over you.
“you keep making these stupid mistakes. i don’t know why they even hired you, you know fucking nothing about restaurants.”
you stood in shock. you didn’t know what to say. seonghwa had this fire behind his eyes that almost scared you. his chest was puffing up and down, breathing heavily from adrenaline. a bead of sweat falls down his temple, threatening to fall from his face. why did suddenly… he look so… attractive? you were so confused by how your body was reacting. instead of pure hatred, suddenly you felt a pang of lust. what the hell was happening to you?
“you owe me, princess,” seonghwa mumbles.
and in a blink of an eye, he withdraws from the walk-in and slams the door behind him, leaving you completely disoriented.
at the end of service, you were BEAT. you slump back into the bar seat, crack open your shift drink, and take a hefty gulp. ryujin jumps into the seat next to you, already drinking her usual PBR.
“dude, tonight SUCKED,” she groans.
“tell me about it,” you mutter, counting your cash tips. “at least they tipped well, but at what cost?”
“the cost of my fucking sanity, that’s what,” ryujin whines. “please tell me you’re still down for celebration. please please pleeeease?”
“oh i am so down,” you say. you look at your other coworkers. “san, woo? you coming?”
“you bet i am,” wooyoung chuckles, gathering up his stuff. “i’m heading there now. c’mon san.”
san stands and starts heading out the door with wooyoung but then turns back. “wait, seonghwa, are you finally gonna come to sunday celebration?”
seonghwa places down the wine glass he was polishing. “maybe. we’ll see.” he turns to hang up the glass on the rack and for a moment, just a moment, he makes eye contact with you. you look away immediately and decide to put your attention back on your beer. you chug what’s left of it and toss the can in the trash.
“ryujin, let’s go."
you and your fellow servers took the booth in the back of the bar, your usual spot. a couple of them were complaining about the tables they had, some were playing an intense game of darts, while you nursed your mixed drink as ryujin rants about her situationship.
wooyoung slips into the seat next to you, grabbing his beer on the table. “remind me to never play darts with san again. he’s way too competitive.”
you laugh, “you know, you say that, but you always end up playing with him every sunday.”
wooyoung chuckles as he shrugs. he then looks around the bar. “wait, didn’t seonghwa say he was coming?”
“he said he MIGHT come,” san says as he slides into the booth. you can feel yourself retreating as soon as his name was brought up. “but you know him. he never hangs out with anyone outside work.”
“he’s probably still scrubbing the bar,” the food runner mingi chimes in. “that dude is a clean freak.”
“nothing wrong with that at a restaurant!” san says.
“hey i’m gonna grab another drink,” you mumble, standing up. “i’ll be right back.”
you walk over and lean against the bar and wait patiently for the bartender to get to you. you look around, sort of people-watching the sunday crowd. it’s all industry people, you know it. you turn your head back to see the bartender facing you.
“what can i get you?”
“oh, i’ll just take a vodka cran,” you force a smile. he nods and turns to make your drink.
“a vodka cranberry?” you hear a chuckle next to you. “i thought your go-to would be different.”
you look over and see seonghwa leaning on the bar and looking over at you. he wasn’t wearing his work clothes like you’re used to seeing him in. he was wearing jeans and a black tank with a leather jacket. he looked different. he looked…. really good.
“oh, you made it,” you say, trying not to sound annoyed. you gather yourself a bit. “oh, don’t judge me for my drink choice, okay? as much as i love our free shift drinks, i don’t really drink beer outside of work.”
“ah, i see.” he nods, definitely uninterested, and looks at the bartender who had already set your drink down and was waiting for you to pay. you dig through your bag, struggling to find your wallet. seonghwa notices and sighs. “i’ll just get this one and i’ll get a jack and coke.”
“you didn’t have to do that,” you look up to him in confusion.
“it’s whatever, just take your drink,” he doesn’t even look at you as the bartender hands his drink over and grabs seonghwa’s card that he set on the bar.
“oh. well thank you.” you sip at your drink. “i’m going back to the booth.”
he grabs his jack and coke and takes a quick drink. “darts?”
“um, okay?” you stutter, watching him walk past you to the dart board in the corner, and then following him with a look on your face that could only be described as complete and utter confusion.
“san, woo, wanna play teams?” you call across to your coworkers. they perk up and immediately jump over to the dartboard.
“me and san versus you and seonghwa?” woo asks, rubbing his palms together with a chuckle. “let’s say loser buys drinks?”
“i’m not really good at this,” you say laughing. “but i’ll do my best.”
“oh, great,” seonghwa scoffs as he writes both of your initials in the chalkboard by the dartboard. “just show me what you got.” he grabs the darts and places them in your hand, touch lingering a little longer than needed.
“you know,” you say to seonghwa as you close out 18 on the chalkboard, then passing the darts to san. “i really wasn’t expecting you to come out tonight.”
“we’ve begging him for what seems like years, man,” san chimes in, attempting but eventually failing to hit bullseye. yet somehow team woosan is still beating you. he grabs the darts to hand to seonghwa.
“yeah, what changed?” wooyoung says as he leans against a chair.
“i wasn’t really expecting to come out either,” seonghwa admits. “i guess i wanted to see what sunday celebration was all about.” he closes out 17 and 19. why is he so good at everything?
“i mean it’s just all of us getting drunk to get over a shitty shift,” you watch as he tosses the darts to wooyoung for his turn. “so it’s really not much.”
“did you have a shitty shift?” he asks, turning to face you directly.
“w-well, yeah,” you mumble, uncomfortable by the attentiveness. woo quickly hands the darts to you and goes back to a conversation he’s having with san. you look down at the darts in your hands. “look, i know i made a mistake but i really didn’t know that rule about the drinks. and it got me in my head and then mingi came with your table’s food and—“
he rolls his eyes. “you just make a lot of rookie mistakes. you’ll learn.”
you completely abandon the game of darts at this point. “dude, you gotta stop talking to me like that.”
“like what?” he says with a smirk. does he think this is funny?
“like you think i’m stupid or something,” you say, slightly pushing his shoulder. “i’m not stupid. yeah, you’ve been in the industry way longer than me, but we all have to start somewhere.” you grab your bag and walk over to the booth, san and woo protesting behind you. you slouch next to ryujin with a sigh.
“what the hell just happened?” ryujin questions, looking back at seonghwa by the dartboard.
“seonghwa’s being a dick to me, once again.” you exhale deeply. “let’s get another drink.”
as the night went on, your coworkers start filing out one by one. san and wooyoung were one of the last to leave together (something going on there?) and you’re left in front of the bar, struggling to find an uber. your apartment is definitely walking distance, but not at this time of night. the real issue was getting a fucking ride. every uber was at least 20 minutes away. you looked back through the bar window and saw the bartender starting to close up. shit, it’s almost 1 am. you look back down to your phone and consider downloading lyft for maybe the 2nd time in your life.
“what are you still doing here?” you hear a voice behind you. you look back and it’s seonghwa, pulling his keys out of his pocket.
“i should be asking you the same thing,” you mutter. when will he leave you alone?
“can’t find an uber?” he questions, pointing down at your phone.
“yeah, its fine though,” you brush him off.
“you live close by right?” he asks, annoyance in his voice. “i’ll just drop you off.”
“no, really,” you huff. “i don’t need your help.”
“look princess,” he looks to you intently. “i’m not gonna let you wait outside a bar at this hour. i’m not that big of an asshole.”
you consider for a moment. he’s definitely right. it’s late, and staying outside a closed bar this late can lead to trouble.
“fine. but stop calling me princess.”
when he pulls up to your apartment building, you start to have an internal war with yourself. you can’t help but have this anger in the pit of your stomach that’s eating you up.
“you look deep in thought,” seonghwa says impatiently.
“yeah, uh,” you mumble. “i just.. i need to know, why do you hate me?”
seonghwa pulls the car in a spot and parks. “i don’t hate you, necessarily…” he starts.
“you just think you’re better than me?” you pry, irritated.
“i mean, i have been in the industry longer than you…” he smiles smugly.
“there you go again,” you throw your hands up, hatred scratching at your throat. “you are so belittling to me! you think you’re hot shit, huh?”
“do you think i am?” he smiles at the corner of his mouth, and lets out a dry chuckle.
“i think i can’t fucking stand you.”
he looks intently at your face, and you swear, he glances at your lips.
and that’s when he leans in and kisses you. it takes you by complete surprise, and you pull back. you look at each other with a newfound yet curious lust. for a beat, for just a moment, you both look at each other with the same understanding. you want to kiss him again. you grab his face and pull him back in. the kiss was all-consuming. you feel a wave of energy course through you, as if every neuron in you was lit up. it was almost dizzying. he holds the side of your face, grazing past your ear and the holding the nape of your neck. every touch felt like fire.
he slides his tongue through your lips and deepens the kiss, which makes you melt more into him. you feel his arm wrap around your waist and moves you closer. you felt a rush of heat run through you, but then seonghwa pulls back slightly.
“let’s go inside?” he asks, his voice low.
with no reply, you both get out and you take him up to your apartment and to your room, closing the door behind you. he stands close to you, pushing you up against the door and kissing you up your neck and jaw until his lips meet yours again. he slots his leg between yours and presses himself against your heat, grinding as he devours you.
you turn to push him against the wall and sank down to your knees.
“fuuuck,” he groans, smiling as he slips his shirt off. “i like this view.”
“shut up, asshole,” you snap as you unzip his jeans, pulling them down. you look up to see a bulge pressing through his black underwear. god, you can tell it’s fucking big. you graze your fingers over it, teasing him. he lets out a heavy sigh, and you feel him twitch under you.
“i need you to touch me now,” he says grabbing the back of your head.
“yeah? or what?” you tease, just barely holding the length of him.
“c’mon princess,” he says with a cocky smirk. that fucking nickname. he moves his underwear down to reveal his hard cock hanging heavy by your lips. your mouth opens as you stare up at his length. he’s really big. “oh baby, are you already cock-drunk before even touching it?”
you sat in shock at the sheer size of him. he grabs your chin and moves himself closer to your face.
“open,” he says, tapping his dick on your lips. you open up to take him in your mouth, with him groaning at the warm, wet feeling.
twirling your tongue around his length, you earn a pleased moan from seonghwa’s lips. you take as much of him as you can in your mouth, nearly gagging but pushing through. you can feel him twitching in the back of your throat, which makes you hum with satisfaction.
“yeah,” he hisses, pulling his length out a bit and slowly thrusting back into your mouth. “take my cock just like that, baby.”
he pushes into your throat and pulls out again, this time out completely. a string of saliva still connects between his dick and your lips. he grabs himself and slaps it on your face by your open mouth, your jaw going slack and your tongue out to taste him.
“ahh, such a good girl,” he smirks down at you, slapping his dick on your face again. he grabs a fistful of your hair and pushes your mouth back on his cock.
you grab the base and start sucking like your life depends on it, going from the base to the tip, where you swirl your tongue around him. you regain a little control back, stroking and twisting up his length and sucking at his tip, and you can taste the precum pooling into your mouth. you feel him thrusting into your throat, tugging at your hair and pushing you deeper onto him. you can’t help but let out a whimper at the feeling.
“fuuuck, you like that, you little slut?” he tugs you off his cock by your hair. “you like when i fuck your mouth? keep doing that for me.”
you lost all control in that moment. you can only do as you’re told. you open your mouth like a good girl, and suck. he pistons into you, hitting the back of your throat over and over. tears prick the corners of your eyes, but you don’t care. you only want to please him. you moan onto his cock, forcing yourself to not gag from his size. the vibrations in your throat only drive him more mad, and you can tell from his deep moans and the hardening of his cock. he’s definitely close.
the grip around your hair tightens while he continues to bob you up and down his cock. your eyes flutter shut and tears start to fall down your cheeks, and you hold his thighs, nails digging crescents into his skin. he continues to hiss and moan in praise, loving the way you’re sputtering around his cock and leaving spit running down your chin. you take all the power left in you to lap at the underside of his cock, causing him to groan loudly and pull you off of him.
“open wide for me, princess,” he says, stroking himself above you. you obey and lay your tongue flat for him, ready to take his load. he lets out a long moan, spurting all around and into your mouth. you lick up every drop remaining from his tip as he comes down from his high.
just as you regain your composure, he’s helping you take your shirt off and kissing your spit and cum covered mouth. he pushes you backwards until the back of your legs hit the edge of the bed. you fall back and let him slide your pants off, leaving you just in your bra and (fucking soaked) underwear. he falls to his knees as he goes down to kiss your inner thighs, inching closer and closer to your wet heat. when he goes to lick the wet spot in your underwear, licking a stripe up to your clit, you let out a small gasp.
“so sensitive,” he grins, lifting his head up and moving to take off your underwear. he grabs your thighs and pushes your legs back so your pussy is in full view for him.
“and so fucking wet for me…” he trails off before he dives down to devour you.
he laps at your wet hole, savoring the taste and the way it contracts around nothing. his tongue leads up to your clit, earning a sharp moan from you. liking the way you sound, he does the same pattern, making you whine with pleasure. he looks up to you, a moaning mess, and flicks at your bud teasingly, as if he’s mocking you. he hums in amusement.
“hold this,” he releases your leg for you to grab, keeping you spread open for him. he places his fingers on your clit, circling a bit before dipping down to your hole, just at the surface. you can’t help but clench. “so eager.”
he plunges his middle two fingers into you, your tightness gripping around him. he lowers his mouth back to your clit, swirling around as he begins finger fucking you. he’s eating you like he’s fucking starved. the stimulation had you gripping the sheets, whimpering.
he hums against your pussy, kissing and sucking at your clit. “mmm, fuck,” he smiles with a moan. “so good…”
you can’t help but grab the back of his head, gripping onto his hair while he works his fingers and mouth on you. he twirls his tongue around your clit all while curling his fingers in you, hitting that sweet spot.
“s-seonghwa,” you let out. “don’t stop, it feels so fucking good.”
out of defiance, he pulls off of you completely, your legs dropping down and making you ache from the loss of being filled. you can’t help but buck your hips up, desperate for him to touch you. he runs his hand back onto your pussy, spreading his fingers around your bud, avoiding touching it. and then, he slaps your wet cunt. you wince, partly from pain, but also from the stimulation. your bundle of nerves prickles and reddens the wet skin.
“mmm, dirty slut,” he laughs dryly, sadistically. “so desperate to cum. you want to cum for me?”
you nod, a little too impatiently.
“tell me.” he circles his fingers around your dripping hole again.
“fuck,” you let out, exasperated. “please, seonghwa. please let me cum.”
with a smirk, he drives his fingers back into you and latches onto your clit, working at a steady but meticulous pace. when your hips start grinding against his mouth, he holds you down, and continues working you. he swirls his tongue around your clit just right, and massages at your sweet spot. you feel your orgasm building in your stomach, like a cord about to snap. you feel heat rush through your entire body like a wave.
“i’m cumming,” you barely moan out, completely overtaken by pleasure. seonghwa relentlessly works you through it, moaning against you as you climax. he laps at your clit, trying to get every drop of your orgasm. he doesn’t stop until you have to grab his head and lift it.
he looks up at you with an intense lust in his eyes, and his mouth and chin soaked from your juices.
“you drive me fucking crazy,” you sigh as you watch him stand up and lean over you. he pushes you back to the head of the bed, on his knees and slotting between your thighs.
eating you out must have really turned him on, because his cock is hanging heavy between you, red and leaking with precum. he guides his dick up and down your sensitive cunt, gathering your wetness up to stimulate your clit. he groans looking down at the sight.
he eases his way into you, gripping your thighs to keep from snapping his hips into you. your mouth goes slack at the sensation, and you try to stifle back a moan. he inches his way into you, thrusting slowly until he bottoms out.
“fuck, princess,” he sighs, and he feels you clench around his length.
he leans forward to hover over you, slowly thrusting into your heat. he grabs the nape of your neck and kisses you deeply, letting you moan in his mouth. each thrust he pounds into you makes you melt into each other more, desperate to feel every inch of one another. the rolls of his hips hitting deep caverns of your cunt makes you dizzy from stimulation. the squelching sound of your wet pussy makes him pull away, now grabbing at your throat hard enough to where it hurts a little, but hurts so good.
“tell me you’re my little slut,” he spits at you, thrusting deeper inside of you.
“i-i’m your little slut,” you say between moans, completely lost in his trance. he has all the power over you.
he releases your neck and lifts one of your legs over his shoulder, making him reach a completely new angle inside of you. he pistons into you with determination, and reaches down to toy with your clit. you begin to see stars.
“you’re so fucking tight,” he hisses, relishing the squeezing of your core.
his hips snap into a faster pace, all while mercilessly thumbing at your clit. the stimulation becomes all too much for you, and you feel yourself reaching another high.
“oh my god don’t stop, please seonghwa don’t stop,” you moan, unintentionally clenching around his length.
“yeah baby, cum on my cock,” he smiles down at you. “just like that.”
you can’t even think, all you can grasp is how good this man feels on top of you, how good he feels in you, how full you feel. your breath hitches as a wave of pleasure courses through your body, sending you into a blissed out state. your moans are matched by seonghwa, him fucking your contracting cunt, as if it’s begging to milk him dry. he continues to thrust into your overstimulated core until he releases his hot ropes of cum into you, completely filling you up.
he finally slows down his movement, both your breathing heavy and irregular. he pulls out of you with a hiss, watching your pulsing core as his release slowly spills out of you.
“jesus christ,” he groans at the sight. as if he couldn’t resist, he brings his head down and licks up your core, swallowing the liquid. once every drop is savored, he lifts up to level with you. he then places a kiss on your lips, suddenly soft, and very unexpected.
without a word, he grabs you by the waist and holds you close, allowing you to rest your head on his chest. he softly brushes his fingers through your hair.
and just like that, you both drift off to sleep with only one thing on your mind. what just happened, and what the hell is going to happen next?
a/n: this is my first real fic on the internet yall!! im so new to this but i had so much fun. i hope u did too! stay tuned for part 2, but for now please leave feedback ♥ edit: part two is here :-)
#park seonghwa#ateez#ateez fanfic#ateez x reader#ateez smut#seonghwa smut#seonghwa fic#ateez fic#seonghwa x reader#ateez one shot#dom!seonghwa
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