#so here comes billy trying his best to console

[bigdumbbambieyes]

It’s confusing, for half a second, when Billy watches the Beamer pull into the parking lot at school on Monday morning and he doesn’t see Steve driving it.

Upon closer look though, it is Steve, but his self-acclaimed signature ‘look’ is gone.

Where once a crown of thick, messy-yet-perfectly-styled brown hair sat is now…a buzzcut.

And honestly, it is startling. Billy had seen Steve only 12 hours ago and had ruffled that head of hair just to annoy the pretty boy. Steve had pushed him away and flipped him off with a smile, his dark eyes simmering with affection.

But now that smile is gone, along with that hair, as Steve gets out of his car and makes his way towards Billy, his face pensive.

Always careful to keep his face neutral, Billy gives Steve a little nod once he’s close enough, muttering his usual morning greeting, “Hey, pretty boy—”

“—you don’t have to lie, Billy,” Steve interrupts with a huff once he’s in front of him, “I know it’s terrible.”

Billy lifts a brow, used to Steve’s flares of bitchiness, and hums, “I barely said anything.”

The way Steve stares at him with wide, unwavering eyes says a lot. It says ‘it’s a big change and I’m scared and unsure please be gentle with me’.

At least, that’s how Billy interprets it.

And he wants to pull Steve in, wants to run his palm over that short hair and press a long kiss to those worry-bitten lips.

But, he can’t, not now.

His rips his gaze from Steve’s and focuses on his hair - or lack thereof - and considers it for a moment. Or, longer than a moment, because the expression on Steve’s face turns sour pretty quickly as his defences rise.

“If you hate it, just fucking say it—”

“Jesus, Stevie, I don’t fucking hate it,” Billy laughs quietly in disbelief with a grin, “I’m just looking, alright?”

Steve shuts his mouth but still looks rather miserable, frowning and running his hand over his head, avoiding Billy’s gaze now.

Steve’s not shy. He’s never shy. Not when they’re going at it in the backseat of his car or when they’re showering together in the Harrington’s fancy bathroom. Steve always meets him head-on. He never falters.

But, this change has him unsteady on his feet, and Billy hates it.

“It’s different,” he finally admits, watches Steve flick his eyes back to him, “But, it’s a good different. If you…wanted a change, you certainly got it. You still got a pretty face and I…well, y’know.”

“No,” Steve furrowed his brows, “I don’t know.”

Billy glances around the parking lot, making sure no one is around before stepping even closer and whispering, “I still like you.”

That makes Steve’s cheeks colour pink. Billy wants to take a bite out of him, he’s so fucking adorable.

Steve reaches out, pretends to push him away but his hand lingers on Billy’s chest as he gives the blond a shy smile, muttering, “Shut up, I can’t stand you.”

“Mhm, sure, that must be why you hang around me so much,” Billy smirks, unable to help the way he flirts with the other boy even now, because it’s Steve. Hair or no hair, Billy fucking adores him.

The bell rings, signalling that they’re officially late for class, but Billy doesn’t care and neither does Steve, not when they have matching dumb smiles and soft eyes for each other.

“What even happened anyway?” Billy murmurs, reaches up to brush his hands over Steve’s head but gives him a look of ‘can I?’ because this is new and Steve’s sensitive about it.

But, desperate for touch, Steve nods and so Billy touches him, smoothes his palm along Steve’s short hair, all the way from his hairline to the nape of his neck. Like he’s petting him and Steve’s all but purring, the tension melting from his shoulders as he explains with quiet embarrassment, “I, um…had an accident.”

“What, you got gum in your hair and cut off too much?” Billy hums playfully, smoothing his thumb along the side of Steve’s neck.

“No,” Steve huffs, leaning into the touch, looking down at the ground again as he mutters, “I…I got my hair stuck in the hairdryer last night after my shower and my mom had to cut it. A lot was missing so I, uh…just shaved it. Because fuck it.”

God, Billy wants to drive over that stupid fucking hairdryer for putting such a sad look on his boy’s face.

“That fucking sucks,” Billy frowns, giving the nape of Steve’s neck a gentle squeeze, “Bet that wasn’t easy for you.” Because Steve took pride in his hair, loved it, and Billy had adored it, too - but not as much as he adored Steve. He could live with watching Steve’s hair grow over the next few months, easily. But Steve might not feel the same.

The pretty boy shrugs, because it’s whatever at this point, over and done with. “Good thing you’re not with me for my good looks,” he jokes, but his voice is still sad, still…fearful.

Like he expects Billy to drop him over this. Like this is some big fucking deal that’ll break them apart.

And, listen. Billy understands that looking good is important. They both primp and preen themselves in front of their mirrors, both take pride in their appearance, so there’s a lot of pressure to upkeep. Billy would have a fucking meltdown if he had to shave his head, so.

Billy levels the other with a look, something a little more serious as he says, “I’m not with you just for your hair or your pretty face, Steve. I hope you know that.”

Steve stares at him for a moment, saying nothing. But, eventually he nods, because yeah he knows that now, but there’s still hesitancy in those dark eyes. Something that words in a parking lot won’t fix. Billy will have to get Steve alone and kiss him stupid until the pretty boy believes him.

During lunch, Billy decides.

“Let’s go for a drive at lunch,” he murmurs, code for ‘let’s go make out in your car somewhere’, “Okay? Then I’ll tell you everything else I like about you other than just your face and hair.”

Steve brightens at the mention of ‘going for a drive’ because a soft smile appears on his face as he asks a hopeful, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Billy nods, finally pulling his hand away, his hot palm cooling in the spring breeze, “But I’m only telling you once, so you better listen.”

A soft chuckle leaves Steve and he nods in understanding, mumbling, “Yeah, yeah…” but he looks relieved. And that’s enough for Billy, for now.

“C’mon,” he says, motioning towards the school with a tilt of his head before giving Steve a playful look, “Unless you wanna go now?”

Steve rolls his eyes with a smile and shoves him towards the building, following close enough that their shoulders bump and hands brush.

Billy can last until lunch. Surely.

[queenie-ofthe-void]

The Babysitter Chronicles - Byers

Steve POV 5+1 (immediately follows s2) || wc: 3.9k || cws: check tags || full fic ao3

Henderson || Mayfield pt 1 / Mayfield pt 2 || Sinclair || Wheeler || Byers || +1 Hopper

Can be read as a standalone

~~~

Steve’s filled with dread, standing in front of the Byers’ front door at 6:30am on a Saturday morning. Out of all the kids’ parents, he’s pushed Joyce off as long as he could manage. But he’d promised Mike he’d try, and according to Jonathan, this is the best time to catch her.

That doesn’t change the fact it’s not even light out, and a boy she probably hates is about to knock on her door. Hell of a way to start the day.

He knocks anyway.

Joyce opens the door in a soft grey t-shirt and baggy black sweats. Her hair is brushed through, mascara coats her long lashes, and the smell of fresh coffee wafts through the open door. At least he can find small consolation in the fact she’s been up for a while.

“Hi Joyce, I mean Ms. Byers,” he stumbles, off to a great start. “Sorry to catch you so early but–” 

“No,” Joyce interrupts, voice firm. 

Steve stands there, mouth hanging open around an unfinished sentence. He watches as her eyes harden. She squares her shoulders and stands straight-backed and tall, only reaching about Steve’s shoulder. Joyce Byers in all her fury still makes him feel small, like maybe this was a bad idea.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Joyce says. “But I know why you’re here. And the answer is no.”

“Oh,” he responds lamely, deflating even further. 

Her voice is soft, but she’s unyielding. “The kids like you, and I know their parents are ok with you watching them. Which is fine, for their kids.”

She pauses, and Steve knows what’s coming. Mentally prepared himself for the worst-case scenario. All of Dustin’s logical arguments and Lucas’ hype talks couldn’t prepare him for how thoroughly Joyce flays him open.

“But, Steve, I would never trust you with my kids.”

Even though he's desperate to run, he plants himself like a tree on her front stoop. He's trying not to be that guy. The kids deserve the best version of him, and on some level, he knows cutting out the bad parts of himself includes letting Joyce Byers drag him through the mud.

He tries to hold her gaze, really he does. Her dark eyes are filled with conviction, but he can see the gentleness to them as well. Almost sad, like he’s making her do this to him. 

Joyce grips the door, knuckles white with tension. She takes a step out onto the front stoop, forcing Steve to take a measured step back. The door stays cracked and the smell of burning toast reaches his nose. Nausea rises in his throat.

“They shouldn’t have even been in those tunnels in the first place,” she says, voice growing louder as she gains momentum. “We asked you to watch them, we trusted you with them, and they still almost got killed! And I know, I know, you helped Jonathan and Nancy last year– saved them from that, that thing crawling out of our walls.”

Her eyes flicker over her shoulder, like the demogorgon’s still haunting her house. He follows her gaze, like Billy could still be standing in her living room with a blood-stained, toothy smile.

She sighs, exasperated. At her wits end for being pushed into a conversation she’s probably been dreading for weeks, since it seems she knew what he wanted. “But you’d be with my baby, my Will, everyday. He’s had bullies since kindergarten, and it’s only gotten worse since everything.

“He doesn’t deserve more bullies. And from what I’ve heard, you’re no different. Just like your father.”

Steve flinches– can’t help himself– the sentence ringing through his head.

Just like your father.

“No, no I’m not, I swear,” he chokes on the words as she steam rolls his pathetic lamentations.

“You’ve pushed my boys– and kids just like them– around your whole life, making them feel small for having less money, less friends, less stuff. Every time Jonathan came home with a new bruise or bloodied knees, how do I know that wasn’t you?”

Steve’s watering eyes are fixated on the small, furious woman before him, flushed with a rage familiar to any decent mother protecting her kids. He’s trying so hard to hear her, but his head is filled with static and his mouth feels stuffed with cotton. Steve wipes his hands down the front of his pants, then shoves them in his pockets.

“You called my boy queer! Something I’m sure you heard from your father. I saved for months to get him that camera for his birthday and you just smashed it, like it was nothing. Like we’re nothing.”

Neither of them notice the pair of shadows moving beyond the door frame in the living room. 

“I cannot allow someone like you around my boys,” she hammers home. This is what Nance meant by a thesis statement he thinks deliriously. “Sue and Karen might be alright with it, but my answer is no.”

Steve sniffles and nods stiffly as turns to leave, hoping to at least make it to his car before the tears start. He knows he deserves what she’s said, knows the truth of it in his gut, but he’s stood here long enough. Now it’s time to run and hide, like his mind’s been screaming to since she set her sights on him.

“Mom,” Jonathan says, out of breath like he ran here from his bedroom. He’s appeared over Ms. Byers’ shoulder like a ghost, or a ninja– silent and on the attack. “What’s going on?”

He’s a sleep-rumpled version of his mom, wearing a plain, soft t-shirt, and grey sweatpants scattered with light bleach stains. Steve notices he still has pillow creases on his left cheek. His gaze follows the red indent down to Jonathan’s jawline where a small, purpling bruise is haloed by faded red lipstick.

All of the air in Steve’s lungs is punched out of him, hard and fast. A feeling he should be used to from Jonathan Byers. 

Steve thinks he sees a flash of pastels in his periphery, dashing through the trees to the road. Or maybe it’s his imagination. It doesn’t matter, because he can’t look away from the uncomfortably familiar mark on Jonathan’s neck.

Jonathan must notice. His hand flies up to his neck, wiping the mark and finding a smear of red on his fingers. The spell holding Steve breaks, and he can breathe again. 

Their eyes meet, and Jonathan’s cheeks now match the stain on his fingers. It’s awkward and Steve doesn’t know how to fix it or how to make this easier. Because Steve never knows how to fix things, only how to break them. Something Joyce seems well aware of.

Distracted, Steve’s just now noticing the small shadow creeping up behind Jonathan. He sees the young boy poke his head out from behind his brother’s back as he takes a small step towards the commotion.

“Steve was just leaving, sweetie,” Joyce answers, voice soft and sweet as she turns away from him to go back inside.

“Wait, no that’s not what I meant,” Jonathan continues. He shakes his head and roughly pushes his unruly bangs from his eyes. “Steve, why are you here?”

Jonathan’s looking at him like he knows the answer. And he should really, considering the only reason Mike agreed to have Steve as his babysitter was because Jonathan promised he’d talk to Will about it, and then they’d talk to Joyce. 

A long train of telephone Steve was relying on to get a head start at Joyce’s good will. Which, apparently, never happened.

Steve plays along into Jonathan’s prompting. She’s already said no, so what’s one more try with a little back-up.

“I was asking if I could babysit Will, since I watch the rest of the gang too. Can’t leave any party members behind,” Steve says, parroting Dustin.

“And I was just telling him–” Joyce starts, before she’s interrupted.

“I think Steve would be a great babysitter,” Will says. His hair’s a mess, and he’s straightening out his matching Star Wars pajama set as he steps further into view.

Joyce rushes over to him, squatting down to meet his eyes. “Will, honey, you don’t need a new babysitter. You can still spend time with your friends at their houses, when their parents are home.” Jonathan takes the distraction to wave Steve into the house, silently closing the door behind them.

“But the other parents don’t know about– you know,” Will hesitates, before mustering up the courage to say “about what actually happened to me.”

“Baby,” she says, gently running her hands up and down his small arms. “You know we can’t tell them. We went over this.”

“It’s not about them knowing the truth,” Will says. Steve watches as the boy tries to make himself bigger, taller, even with the slight shake in his voice. “They just look at me like I’m broken. They’re sad when I’m around and they just think I was kidnapped or lost or– whatever the story is. That I was sick or something.”

Steve can’t help but imagine Will Byers, always the shy, quiet kid in the Party, having to constantly withstand the severely misguided pitying glances from adults who aren’t read-in on vast government conspiracies and alternate dimensions. Steve’s almost nineteen and can barely manage alone.

Her brows are knitted tight and her lips downturned the more Will confesses. “Well, Jonathan can–”

“I don’t want Jonathan to watch me anymore.”

Joyce’s eyes widen, confusion painted across her face as her mouth drops open. Steve turns to glance at Jonathan to find that, unlike his mother, he’s not surprised at all. In fact, there’s a light shining in his eyes and a small uptick to the corner of his mouth.

The tension is thick but familial, leaving Steve unwelcome and gawking at a private conversation. Which he supposes he is: both unwelcome and gawking.

“Go on, Will, it’s ok,” Jonathan encourages. He shines with a proud smile, like he’s watching his little brother walk for the first time. 

Will’s hesitant, his eyes downcast as he shuffles side-to-side. Waiting for him to continue, Joyce stays quiet. Steve can’t help but feel envious of Will and Jonathan at having a mom patient enough to hear her son outright, even when she doesn’t agree with him. She saved him from an alternate dimension, but sometimes the little things are just as important.

“When Jonathan dropped me off at Steve’s for DnD last week, it was fine… at first.”

“You both told me that was at Mike’s,” Joyce interrupts, turning a motherly glare at Jonathan who sheepishly avoids eye contact. She rounds on Steve again, closing the distance between them in three long strides to get in his face. “This is exactly what I’m talking about, Steve. What if something had happened and I didn’t know where to find him because of you?”

“Mom,” Jonathan interrupts, irritated. “That’s not fair. We are the ones who said it was at Mike’s– Will and I. I knew you wouldn’t let him go if you knew it was at Harrington’s place, so I told Will to lie.”

“You’re damn right I wouldn’t have let him go,” Joyce argues, turning back to Jonathan. “He’s not safe there! I know Steve Harrington and I know his parents. What if they had been home?”

“They haven’t been home in weeks,” Steve mumbles. He doesn’t mean to say it out loud, catching himself off guard. Years of practicing the lie, and he slips in front of the last three people on earth he’d want to know about his home life. He’d never complain, not to them. 

She shoots him a confused glance, an emotion behind her eyes Steve refuses to consider. But it seems she’s the only one whose noticed he said anything at all as Jonathan speaks up again. Shaking her head, she shifts her attention back to her son. In the midst of the chaos, Steve breathes a small sigh of relief.

“Mom, it was fine– everything was fine. Just–” Jonathan stops. He gestures to Will to keep going.

Will puffs his chest up, holding his mom’s gaze as he barrels on. “I liked having it at Steve’s. It smells nice, like candles, not like farts and laundry detergent like Mike’s basement. He had all the snacks we like, and he’s got a huge table that can fit all our stuff.”

The kid’s smiling now, and goddamn if it doesn’t melt his heart. Steve’ll be disappointed if Joyce says no, but at least he knows for a fact Will felt comfortable around Steve and liked being at his house.

“But after Jonathan picked me up, Lucas said they stayed up and watched movies all night. That Steve even made an ice cream sundae bar and there were a million toppings.” Will’s arguing is starting to sound like a petulant child, a slight whine to his tone, and Steve can tell Joyce is losing her patience.

“Will, that’s something you and Jonathan can do. We’d love to do sleepover nights with your friends.”

“No, Mom,” Jonathan states, strong in a way Steve’s never seen from him before. His only tell is the waver behind his voice. Steve’s willing to bet Jonathan would rather face down another demogorgon than take on his own mother. Yet here he is, sticking his neck on the line for Will.

“What do you mean, no?” It’s barely a question.

“I don’t want to babysit Will anymore.” He quickly closes his eyes and shakes his head, like an etch-a-sketch. “No, wait– I’m not babysitting Will anymore.”

The room falls deadly silent. Joyce’s lips flatten into a thin, white line, matching the color of her knuckles. She looks ready to explode, like how his father used to look before the first blow. 

Steve flinches when she takes a step towards Jonathan, and she clocks his reaction just like before, but ignores him to glare at her oldest son.

“I want to spend more time with Nancy.” Jonathan’s eyes are wide, like he forgot Steve was there, and he can see an embarrassed flush painting his ears. Steve just shrugs. It is what it is, he’ll get over it like he always does. Jonathan relaxes a bit. “I want to get a job so I can take her on dates that are more than just driving out to the quarry.” 

“Jonathan,” Joyce jumps in, “you can’t get a job. You’re grades are slipping as it is and you don’t have time–”

“Exactly! I don’t have time for a job right now. But if Steve starts watching Will after school and some weekends, I can get a job and keep my grades up and spend time with Nancy.”

She’s shaking her head, but Jonathan plows on before she can jump back into the fray.

“Billy Hargrove is a goddamn monster, Mom. He almost killed Steve! And we all know the kids would’ve found a way to get to the tunnels no matter what. Steve was beat to hell and still went with them.” Jonathan points at Steve’s face in emphasis, like a fucked up version of a pretty model showboating a new car. Except the model is the guy who stole his girlfriend, and the car is a has-been with a fucked up brain and no future.

“And last year,” Jonathan continues, “Nancy and I would be dead if he didn’t come back for us. After everything that happened between us, he had no reason to turn around. Hell, I’m not sure I would’ve.”

He doesn’t know Jonathan Byers well, but Steve knows for a fact Jonathan would’ve faced death to save him– to save anyone. It’s not even a question.

Joyce still doesn’t seem convinced. “Everything that happened last year is exactly what I’m worried about, Jonathan.”

“It’s my fault, not his!” Jonathan shouts. “It’s my fault he got sucked into this mess, it’s my fault Nancy left him, and it’s my fault he broke the camera!” Color drains from his face. Steve freezes, staring at him. 

Steve still hasn’t told anyone why he broke the camera– none of them have talked about it, and he never planned to bring it up. Ultimately he’s thankful that the pictures exist, since it provided the only clue to Barb’s death and the Upside-Down. 

But he doesn’t understand why Jonathan took the pictures. And it doesn’t change the fact Steve closes his blinds every night.

“What do you mean, your fault?” Joyce asks, out of sorts. 

He stammers a bit, looking to Steve for help. Steve doesn’t want to have this conversation at all, let alone in front of Jonathan’s entire family. He glares back at Jonathan, tersely shaking his head once.

Lie.

He gets the gist, relief stark on Jonathan’s face. 

“Steve caught Nancy and I sneaking around when we were looking for Barb and Will,” Jonathan quickly recovers. “We didn’t want him poking around, so we let him think we were flirting. But some pictures I had taken of Nancy fell out of my bag, and Steve saw them. That’s why he broke my camera.

“We ran into him and his friends later while they were spraying up The Hawk. I didn’t know it was all Tommy Hagen’s idea, so I got in Steve’s face and I hit him first. He called me queer, and that’s shitty. But he apologized, saved our lives, and bought me a new camera. So–”

Jonathan turns to him and holds out his hand. It reminds Steve of his father, but also of Hopper, which he decides is a more apt comparison.

He reaches out and Jonathan grasps his hand firmly, shaking it up and down just once, yet continues to hold on. Forging a new pact for the future.

“Steve, I’m sorry about everything.” He seems genuine– eyes wet, shoulders set, and back straight. Steve tries to match his posture. He might not be as good with words as Jonathan, but he can at least show this moment is just as important to him. “But you helped protect the kids so we could save Will. And you saved Nancy and me. So– I trust you.”

Steve can’t handle this. It’s too early in the morning for heavy emotions and deep confessions, but Jonathan’s searching for forgiveness in the face of a former bully. Steve steps up to the plate and meets him halfway.

“I shouldn’t have broken your camera, I know how expensive they are and how much it meant to you. I was angry and I wasn’t thinking. And I, I umm–” 

Steve realizes he’s never really had to apologize to someone before. Sure he’s apologized to Nancy, but it seemed like a normal thing for guys to always apologize to their girlfriends. He’s apologized to Dustin, but that’s more like placating a rowdy toddler. 

This feels different, somehow bigger. Maybe it’s because Jonathan’s his own age, or someone his parents have programmed him to think is lesser than himself. Maybe it’s the deep regret that’s made itself a home in Steve’s stomach, rotting away at the memory of a vicious word spat haphazardly at a stranger.

“I’m sorry I called you queer. That’s fuc– I mean messed– up, and I’m sorry.” Steve sighs, running a nervous hand through his hair, less painful with the stitches removed. He almost misses the stinging sensation. “It’s something my dad says all the time and it was the first thing I thought of, and I hate that. I’m not my dad, I never want to be like him.”

Jonathan nods and pulls Steve forward into a hug, and when they separate Steve feels lighter. A heavy weight he hadn’t known about, removed from his shoulders with Jonathan’s help. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Jonathan felt the same way by the smile on his face.

“Yeah!” Will shouts, unprompted and overly excited for the tone of this entire conversation. There’s a wide grin on his face when he holds up his hand to high-five Steve and cheers “welcome to the Bad Dads Club!”

Steve scoffs, shocked but completely delighted and confused at Will’s eager declaration. Joyce smacks her hand to her forehead and mutters something like jesus christ under her breath, while Jonathan barks out a laugh. 

He grabs his little brother by the shoulder and shakes him like a rag doll until Will breaks out into giggles. “Will,” Jonathan says, failing to keep a straight face, “remember when I explained the difference between family jokes and not-family jokes?”

Will’s smile fades slightly, red embarrassment splashing his cheeks as he quickly glances between Jonathan and Steve, realizing his social blunder. Jonathan squeezes his shoulder and gives him a sad, reassuring smile. But Steve won’t be the reason for the small frown tugging on Will’s lower lip.

Steve holds out his hand, palm up. He smiles at the kid, eyes alight with mischief. “Bad Dad’s Club,” Steve says, like it’s more than just a fucked up childhood and is instead forging a pact, binding them through one shitty commonality. 

Will returns his smile and high fives him, who then turns to his brother. Jonathan laughs again when he pulls Will in for a hug instead, shrugging at Steve.

Joyce’s gaze travels between the three boys standing in front of her, and Steve can see the moment she cracks.

Her stance has softened. Her lips are still pursed, her eyebrows only slightly furrowed, but her arms hang relaxed at her sides and she’s looking at Steve less like she wants to throw him out and more like she doesn’t know what to do with him.

“You get one week,” Joyce says sternly, pointing a finger in Steve’s face. He goes cross-eyed looking at it, but he can still see Will and Jonathan high-five. “One week of picking him up after school. I get done at Melvald’s at six, so you can bring him home at six-thirty.”

Before Steve can wholeheartedly agree, she rounds on Will and Jonathan next, who stand at attention, trying to stay serious through their own excitement. 

“You,” she points at Jonathan, “better keep your grades up if you’re getting a job.”

“And you,” she gestures to Will, “better have all of your homework done when you get home. If you can’t get it done at Steve’s house, then you don’t get to go.”

She backs away from them, taking a deep breath in and exhaling loudly. “Is all of that clear?”

Waves of yes’s pour from their mouths. Will wraps his arms around his mom’s waist and Jonathan lightly punches Steve’s shoulder. 

“Thank you, Ms. Byers,” Steve says as he turns to leave, “I’ll make sure you don’t regret this. Any of you.”

She sighs, a small sad smile on her face. “I really hope that’s true, Steve.”

On the drive home, he realizes she never mentioned the slip-up about his parents’ absence. He’s grateful for it. Talking with adults has never been his strong suit, and his conversations with each of the kids’ parents are starting to weigh on him. 

The Byers’ might not have as much money or means as the Harrington’s, but that doesn’t stop Joyce Byers from being a damn great mom. So he’s not surprised she took note of his own small mishaps. Maybe she’ll bring it up one day, maybe she won’t. All Steve cares about is that he finally has the opportunity to earn the trust of the fiercest parent he knows.

~~~

[whataboutthefish]

Dream Baby

Written for the @harringrovemicrofic challenge 3

The prompt is Green and the word count goal is 914

Rating - General audiences Pairing Steve Harrington/Billy Hargrove Tags - Pregnancy, Surrogate, Steve cries a lot, Max is the best sister, Fluff Word count - 914 Link to Ao3 here

What had started as a drunken comment one Sunday afternoon at their monthly BBQ had turned into something far more serious. Sure Steve had cried when he finally let it all out, how much he wanted a child, how overwhelming the options were. The idea of finding a surrogate was so hard and so many factors had to be considered. 

Would the mother be healthy? Could they share the pregnancy with them, be there for some of the firsts? It all led to a very emotional and somewhat drunk Steve, and Billy doing all he could to console his husband. 

None of them had noticed the way Max’s brow furrowed and the look she gave Lucas as Steve took another beer which Billy swiftly removed from his hand and passed surreptitiously behind his back to Robin.

The day Max came to them with her plan Steve and Billy both cried. She’d worked it all out in a way that wasn’t pushy but certainly made Steve’s heart swell with joy and a look of pride come over Billy’s face even when he pulled her into a noogie until she was swearing and landing some pretty hard elbows to Billy’s gut.

The plan was simple, since she was Billy’s sister they were going to use Steve’s sperm so the baby would look like both of them. When Billy pointed out that they weren’t even related like that everyone in the room turned and gave him the stink eye. Steve even got his ‘I mean business’ hands on his hips. 

It turned out to be fairly simple from there on. Steve had been keeping a log of her cycle, which Max grumbled at him for because, “Steve, it’s just weird alright. You shouldn't know more about all that stuff than me.” But it was worthwhile when Max got pregnant on their first try

However the bickering was part of what made Max, Max and Steve wouldn’t have her any other way. When he talked to Lucas he was informed it had only made her more scary to live with and he thanked Steve. Damn man loved Max’s sass as much as they did, possibly more. 

Steve and Billy watched as their child grew inside of Max. Steve couldn’t keep his hands off the bump and bawled his eyes out when he felt their sweet one kick. They became insufferable in the late stages of the pregnancy. But Max rolled with it, taking advantage of the two men that would bend over backwards for her. And besides, Billy gave a mean foot massage. 

Max went into labor at 3am on a Tuesday morning. She was staying with Steve and Billy so they heard her swear like a sailor. Billy rushed to her side while Steve grabbed their go bag and ran to the car. It was Max that had to remind them that the contractions weren't close enough to go to the hospital yet.

When the time came Steve had to lay a gentle hand on Billy’s knee to stop him from speeding. By the time they were in the birthing suite they started to really annoy the crap out of Max. 

"I might be about to push a melon out my vag for you, but I am not an invalid. I can get my own ice chips, Billy."

Steve learned the hard way not to touch her just yet. The midwife explained that she would need them closer to delivery, but right now would be a good time to keep your distance. She smiled in a way that spoke of how many times she’d seen this.

The labor was long and hard. The nurse was right, by the end Max was clasping Billy's hand so hard he was gritting his teeth, while Steve rubbed circles over her back and felt entirely useless. Steve was guided to watch as the baby’s head emerged and for a startling minute Steve thought the midwife was going to pull it off, before the shoulders came through. 

It was all a rush after that.

"It's a girl." The midwife announced.

Steve could barely see for all the tears in his eyes, he reached out to grab Billy's hand as the midwife held the umbilical cord up and offered Billy the scissors to cut. Then the baby was passed into Max’s arms. Her hair was sweat soaked to her skin and she looked like she’d run two marathons but her smile was so wide it split her face.

Billy and Steve stood each side of Max as they hugged each other tight, laughing and crying at the rush of emotion.

Once the baby had been weighed and all the checks were done she was brought back to them. Billy took their little girl in his arms first, his shirt removed as he basked in the skin to skin contact. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world." Billy cooed.

Steve was going to cry again. Watching his husband with their baby was overwhelming and his heart couldn't get fuller.

The baby had a shock of red hair, her daddy's nose and Steve's lips. the perfect little mix of them all. When she opened her eyes they were a startling green.

“She looks just like you, shit bird.” Billy teased.

Steve nudged Billy in the side, taking their daughter into his arms, holding her against his bare chest. "I think Birdie works better," he said, turning her to face the others.

"After Aunty Max."

[petersbaby]

Billy x tipsy gf reader

Warnings: mean billy. a little dark, name calling, rough sex, brief female masturbation, exhibitionism if you squint and breeding implications

-

You’re riding in the passengers seat of Billy’s car like you have many times before. This time, however, he had just picked you up from a small party you went to and got tipsy.

You were practically radiating sexual energy, you were so horny you couldn’t keep it together when you plopped down in the car and looked at him sitting there in his tight jeans, no shirt, just a leather jacket.

His arm was resting on the middle console as he drove, and you grabbed it, bringing his hand to rest on your bare thigh. Your skin was warm to the touch in contrast to his cool fingers.

He allowed this, even squeezing your thigh every now and then. After this, though, you were bored and spread your legs a bit, wanting his hand to venture further but it didn’t.

This was when you decided to take your panties off as he watched you from the corner of his eye.

“What the fuck are you doing??”

“It’s dark, not like anyone can see me. ‘m horny.” You pull your panties the rest of the way off past your ankles and immediately reach for your needy core, slipping two fingers in right away.

This felt so good, more than it ever has before. You didn’t realize the extent to which you were moaning, but you figured out it must’ve been a lot.

He was mildly amused with your antics at first but it turned serious really quick.

“You better stop, now. Being such a slut you can’t even wait to get home.”

“Hmm”, you reply mindlessly and continue touching yourself. Before you knew it, you took a wrong turn.

“Nooo, my house is that way.” You pointed.

“I know. You’re being a whore so I’m gonna fuck you like a whore.” He says, matter of factly, with more anger in his voice now.

Your mind started racing over what he could mean by that, but you discovered soon when he pulled to the end dead end road with only one streetlight and the moon lighting it up.

He throws the car in park and gets out. Soon after, he had stormed over to your side, opening the door and yanking you out by your arm.

“Gonna take you right here, because I warned you and you didn’t listen. Maybe I can fuck some sense into you.” You take a few steps and then he’s bending you over the hood of his car.

The cold metal sent a shiver down your spine as he pushed your skirt up to bunch up at your hips and then unbuckling his pants. With no warning besides the sound of his zipper a moment before, he slams into you and you lose your breath for a minute.

This was supposed to be some kind of punishment, but you loved it. The idea of being so filthy outside in the dark, hearing your own moans echo in the surrounding woods.

“Billy, fuck, wait-“

“No princess, you’re not gonna tell me what to do, not how this works.”

You had wanted just a few seconds to catch your breath but he kept pounding into you from behind.

The pleasure was overwhelming, so much so that you felt like you could cry and knew you’d be thinking about this moment forever.

“Yes sir, ‘m sorry sir.” You whine out.

“There she is. Already fucking some sense back into you, huh?”

“Mhmm.”

His hands grip your ass roughly and his nails dig in to the skin, creating red marks. You were moaning, crying out, trying your best not to scream like you wanted to.

Trying to be good.

“You really don’t deserve it, but I’m feeling generous. I’m gonna fill your cunt, give you all my fucking babies.”

You can only moan in response as he fucks in and out of you a few more times and then stops, buried deep inside of you, and you felt the warmth in your body.

He thrusts a couple times to push the seed back in and then pulls out, tucking himself back into his jeans.

He goes to your side of the car, grabbing your panties from the floorboard where you had left them. Coming back to you, he tosses them your way carelessly so that they fall to the ground.

“Put ‘em back on, real tight. If you leak cum onto my seat you’re gonna be sorry. You’re gonna hold that in til we get home, kay?”

You nod, worried that you will inevitably leak because you could already feel it soaking through the crotch of your panties you’d put back on.

“Let’s go.” He calls out impatiently, and you hurry to slide into the car and shift around nervously in your seat, trying your best to “hold it” like he said.

[theowritesstuff]

Head Over Heels

Book 2 - Chapter Four: Will the Wise

Steve Harrington x gn!reader (eventually)

Head Over Heels Masterlist

A/N: This chapter is going to have a lot of Steve’s POV

Summary: You and Steve study together in the library, deciding to make this a regular thing.

Warnings: Billy

You and Steve turned in the homework you’d worked on together to your chemistry teacher. You both felt confident in your answers after spending so much time working them out.

To be fair, some of the time spent together in the library was spent with you consoling Steve about his break up with Nancy. It seemed that he was trying to come to terms with it, and not let it bring him down. Then you did spend quite a bit of time on the actual homework, attempting to help Steve through chemical equations.

Steve spent a good portion of the time attempting to distract you from the homework. He’d try to draw your attention away from the worksheets, and onto him. At first it was because he was bored, his mind was still clouded because of Nancy, and then Billy, and then of course there was your talk in the hall.

Steve could probably count on one hand how many times someone was genuinely there for him, and could assume that most of the time it was you. He didn’t know what was happening to him, honestly. He only ever saw you as a friend of Nancy’s, but now you were actual friends, and Steve would never admit it out loud, but it was easy with you.

He’d always felt the need to be this perfect person. The most popular guy in school, have the prettiest girlfriend on his arm, and be the star player on the basketball team. His parents were rarely ever home, and when they were they were constantly on top of him about his life. Was he living up to the Harrington name? Was he providing a good image for his family?

But with you, it was different. You didn’t care about King Steve. You just cared about Steve. He didn’t need to be anyone special when he was around you, he was free to just be himself. His sometimes goofy, sarcastic, little bit awkward self.

Which is why he then started to distract you just to see you scold him about paying attention while trying to hide your smile.

“Oh, I am paying attention.” He smirks at you.

“To the homework.” You tap the eraser side of your pencil to his notebook.

He suggests making this a regular thing, the two of you doing homework together. You agree, a part of you happy that now you have this time alone with him.

You accompany him to basketball practice the next day as well, taking the same spot in the bleachers, once again pulling out that night’s homework. If today’s study session was going to be anything like yesterday’s, Steve was going to make it very hard for you to concentrate.

Unlike yesterday, today you allowed yourself to steal more glances at Steve, watching as he became sweaty running around on the court. His hair fell in his face, giving you an immediate desire to brush it away, out of his eyes. You had to agree with the rest of the student body, his hair really was his best asset.

Steve would’ve had to have been a fool to not notice you watching him play. He occasionally stole glances at you as well. He watched as you bit the end of your pencil, your eyes focused on the paper on your lap.

“Something distracting you Harrington?”

Steve looked back down at the game in front of him to see Billy with the ball.

“King Steve! King Steve, everyone!” He called out.

Steve could practically feel the embarrassment spread over him. Now your eyes were focused on the scene Billy was creating.

“I like it. Playing tough today.”

“Jesus! Do you ever stop talking? Come on!” Steve barked out.

“What? You afraid the coach is gonna bench you now that I’m here?” Billy sprints forward, knocking Steve to the ground.

You gasp, and have to hold yourself back from running down there and helping him up.

Billy tosses the ball in the basket, then kneels down next to Steve. He holds his hand out for him to take, then whispers something quiet enough only Steve can hear.

“You were moving your feet. Plant them next time, draw a charge. And I know your friend up there is quite the distraction, but focus on the game.”

He pushes Steve back down, then walks off.

The coach blows his whistle, signaling the end of practice, and sending all the guys to the showers. Steve picks one in a secluded corner in the hopes that he won’t have to deal with anyone else, but is soon joined by Billy.

“Don’t sweat it Harrington. Today’s just not your day, man.”

Steve doesn’t respond, he doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s gotten to him.

“Yeah, not your week.”

Tommy has appeared at the shower across from Steve. He rolls his eyes, but remains silent.

“You and the princess break up for one day, she’s already running off with the freak’s brother.” Tommy laughs.

This was news to Steve. You didn’t know, right? If you did, you tell him.

“Oh shit. You don’t know.” Tommy smirks at Steve. “Jonathan and the princess skipped yesterday. Still haven’t shown. But that must just be a coincidence, right?” Tommy laughs, then grabs his towel and leaves.

“Don’t take it too hard, man. Pretty boy like you has got nothing to worry about. Plenty of bitches in the sea.” Billy leans closer to Steve. “You won’t mind if I ask your friend out, right? They look like fun.” Billy smirks at Steve, then turns his water off, and walks away.

Steve feels something build up in his chest, something hot, like a fire. He has this protective instinct over you, like he’s ready to fight to keep assholes like Billy away from you. He turns the water back on, and slowly cools himself down.

You’re practically on top of him when he comes back out of the locker room, dressed in his regular clothes again.

“Are you okay?” Your eyes scan him up and down.

“I’m fine.” He grumbles, already walking in the direction of the library.

You follow him, attempting to keep up with his quick pace. He’s silent the entire way there, stopping when he arrives at the library, at the same table you occupied the previous day.

You sit down across from him, and watch as he quietly pulls out his notebook and homework.

“Are you sure you’re okay? No concussion or anything?” You don’t want to sound like a mother hen, but it looked like he was knocked down pretty hard. “Will you at least let me check the back of your head?”

“Okay.” Steve sighs and shrugs.

You stand up, and walk behind him. You can’t see anything through the dark locks on his head. You slowly run your hands through his hair, searching for any bumps or blood. His hair is still slightly damp from the showers, but so soft.

“Sorry, I know how you are about your hair.” You tell him.

“It’s fine.”

Steve can’t help but feel relaxed as you brush through his hair. He can feel your fingertips softly brush against his scalp, and it nearly sends a shiver down spine.

“Alright, I don’t feel anything, so I think you’re okay.” You tell him, moving back to your seat.

There’s another few minutes of silence as you start to pull out your supplies.

“Have you seen Nancy today?” Steve asks.

“No, I talked to her last night though, asking if she wanted a ride to school, but she said no.” You shrug.

Steve hums.

“I think I’m gonna apologize to her.”

“What?” You ask surprised.

“Yeah, I think maybe we could try again. Maybe we can fix this, and things could go back to the way they were before.”

“Right.” You give him a small smile.

The way things were before. Where you and Jonathan watched as Nancy and Steve paraded their relationship around everywhere they went, and where you were just his girlfriend’s best friend. Because Steve Harrington was always going to be in love with Nancy Wheeler.

HOH Taglist: @nptnewr @rishlurh @scoobiessnacks @wisdomcrys @parker-natasha @missbunsworld @eddiemunsons-lover @lilyhw1

[marjorie189]

Stop Doubting Yourself - A Jordan Baker Imagine

Sum: Y/N, Jordan’s girlfriend, comforts and assures Jordan throughout all of his doubts and over analyzations on his QB1 position. 

Imagine: 

Jordan is an amazing person and I love him for that. He always looks out for me, he's caring, sweet, and a good-hearted person. He always looks out for others, which can sometimes be a curse in disguise.

Jordan is so selfless that he forgets to take care of himself.

I know in my heart that he’s an angel but he doesn’t see that.

I know deep inside he doubts himself and questions his worth, especially when it comes to football.

Jordan’s insecurities started coming to light when Spencer came to Beverly. The shift of Billy’s attention towards Spencer affected Jordan, more than anyone knew.

Billy was focused on getting Beverly High’s football team to its best potential but not being completely aware that his family needed him more than ever.

It all came crashing down when the Beverly squad was having a pool party at the Bakers.

Jordan and I were laying down on the pool lounge chairs. The tension between the boys was evident. The presence of Spencer ticked the boys off big time.

“You good babe?” I ask Jordan as I acknowledge Jordan evilly having his eyes on the Crenshaw boy.

Jordan’s eyes diverted to me as he was just eyeing Layla leaving the sleeping Asher to the beaming Spencer at the pool.

“Yeah. It's just this Spencer guy comes out of nowhere, destroying everything that I’ve built and now he’s flirting with Layla. It just seems like he’s not here with good intentions. Something just isn’t right about him,” Jordan rants to me as his eyes were glued to Spencer and the now smiling Layla. I reach over to intertwine my hand with Jordan’s big one.

His eyes leave the two by the pool and meet mine, staying this time. A smile forming on his face at the touch, but quickly faltering once again.

“First it was my dad, my home, and now it’s Layla. Like what is he going to take next?” Jordan huffs as he lays back down on the lounge chair.

I smile at him foolishly.

“Well, you don’t gotta worry about him taking me,” I cheekily smile, leaning over him. My face on top of his, inches away from his laying one.

An ear-to-ear toothy smile appears on his face followed by his adorable laughter.

His arm makes it to the end of my back, loosely placing it on my lower back.

l chuckle and lean into his lips giving him a quick peck.

He smiles and looks at me longingly with loving eyes.

I feel my cheeks flushing as his eyes stay put on my physique. I nervously break eye contact and he chuckles.

“You’re so beautiful,” He compliments as he places his hand on the side of my face, reconnecting our lips.

“You never fail to make me nervous. It’s like I’m meeting you all over again,” I mumble as my eyes deeply look into his deep brown ones.

He smiles and continues with his longing looks, not breaking eye contact.

“And you never fail to make me feel better. Like who’s Spencer?” Jordan jokes.

I playfully roll my eyes with a smile and lay back down on the lounge chair.

Jordan scoots closer to me and lays his head on my shoulder. As he does, I put my arm behind his neck, wrapping it around him and running my fingers through his soft hair.

Asher was still fast asleep, tanning in the sun. JJ was up to playing pool games with a couple other teammates. Spencer and Layla were chatting it up by the pool and a few others were swimming.

“I’m going to grab a couple waters, I’m quite thirsty. Do you want one?” Jordan asks as he lifts from his previous position.

“Yeah. Please,” I smile with a nod.

He smiles brightly at me and jogs off into his house.

I take in his adorableness as he walks into his house with a playful eye roll, he could be such a kid sometimes.

A couple minutes later he comes back outside with bottles of water in hand and a furious but hurt look on his face.

I instantly frown at the miserable look on his face.

I stand up and meet him midway through his walk towards our spot.

“What's wrong?” I ask with a worried expression.

I look up at him, having a perfect sight of his clenched jaw and furious facial expression.

Jordan’s eyes were everywhere but on mine. “Hey?” I try and console.

He subsequently looks down at me, having a displeased and angry look on his face.

“Talk to me,” I urge at him.

He lets out a huge sigh and looks down into my worried eyes.

“Come on. Let’s go inside,” I suggest as I start walking with him towards the back entrance of his home.

“No,” He says immediately as he stops us on our tracks. “My dad’s in there and I don’t want to see him right now,”

“Okay then let’s go to your room,” I beckoned.

He stays quiet, which I take as an opportunity to take him inside. I’m holding his hand, leading him to the room. We walk past his occupied parents and up the stairs, into his room.

I close the bedroom door behind him as we both stand in his room.

He puts the freshwater bottles down, puts his hand to his face, and starts pacing walking around the room.

“Come on. Let it out. What happened now?” I say as I break the silence.

“Guess what he said? Just guess what he said?” He angrily says, looking over at me as he paces around the room.

He didn't even give me a chance to respond as he was already speaking again.

“He said ‘I would not have recruited him if anybody on the squad had half of his potential’. That’s what he said Y/N.” Jordan says as his voice goes from angry and exploding to hurt and feeling betrayed.

He looked like he was about to cry.

My eyes soften to his change of voice and clear look of hurt.

I walked over to him, seeing how broken he was.

“Jordan,” I let out softly once I was face to face with him, placing my hand on the side of his face. “You know that’s not true,”

His eyes fall to the ground, not looking at me, breaking our eye contact.

My heart breaks at the sight of my boyfriend doubting himself.

“Come on Jordan,” I whisper slightly to him, lifting his face to meet me.

His eyes were like glass. They were glossy and filled with tears threatening to spill.

I immediately pulled him into a tight hug at the sight of him.

“It’s okay babe,” I console, holding him in my arms.

The sounds of his sniffling tore me apart.

I turn my face a bit and place my lips on his tear stained cheek.

“Come on,” I say as I pull away from our embrace. I go to wipe the tears off his face.

“You’re an amazing player Jordan! Don’t ever think otherwise! I don’t know what your dad meant by that but everyone at Beverly knows who our QB is and that's you! Don’t ever doubt your potential because you’re a great quarterback, on and off that field,” I boast.

“But y/n… what if it’s true? I heard it coming from his mouth. What if I’m just the quarterback because I’m the coach’s son? I’m not going to lie and say that it hasn’t come across my mind,” Jordan says in distress.

“Come on, Jordan. Okay let’s say that’s true, maybe you do have an advantage because you’re the coach’s son but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a good ass player. Coach Baker knows that you can handle the responsibility and pressure of having that number one jersey. He’s not just going to give that to anyone. It’s you, Jordan. No one else,” I affirm to him in hopes that he’ll get it in his head.

“Okay,” He says with a look of belief, sending me a nod.

I smile at him knowing that he’s feeling a little better.

“You’re one helluva player, Jordan! You better see that because everybody else does. Anyone can say that you got the position because you’re the coach’s son but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a great quarterback, J! Don’t let those thoughts get the best of you! Sure, Spencer got brought to the team but he doesn’t have an influence or interference with your ability and potential as a player. I hope you see that,” I say with a frown at the end.

Jordan’s eyes meet the floor once again, staying quiet in his thoughts.

He looks back up at me after a while with a nod.

“I’ll work on it, alright? I promise,” Jordan determinedly says to me.

A wide smile grows on my face. “Good! Because you deserve it! Be proud of yourself, J! Prove everyone wrong!” I encourage with a huge smile.

He reciprocates the smile, looking handsome as ever.

“Thank you for this, y/n! I appreciate it. I love you,” He blissfully says, sending me a kiss.

Jordan came to realize that what his girlfriend was telling him was true but it was still hard for him to accept. He still had that little voice of doubt and uncertainty within himself. But, every time he doubted himself, he recalled his girlfriend's kind and inspiring words. If someone as amazing as her believed it, then it must be true.

But even after this conversation that was had with Jordan, his place as quarterback was tested multiple times.

One of those times being at the College Recruit Event; District Combine.

Players from all around Los Angeles were being tested by their height, weight, strength, and speed. They were tried and measured, seen closely by the college scouts.

Jordan came in hot, he knew what he was bringing to the table, he was confident. As he should.

But was tested with extremity.

The tests were competitive and there was so much pressure in hopes of landing on a school’s scholarship list.

Those thoughts were coming back in causing Jordan to fall back. He started focusing on all the other players and not himself. But it was a rigorous event and it got Jordan overthinking and becoming nervous. It wasn’t helping that a Crenshaw player was coming at Jordan, tearing down Jordan’s wall.

He felt like he blew it and it was messing with his head.

After the event, he went with the one person he could count on to be there for him.

“I’m sure you did amazing Jordan. Don’t overthink it! If you did even just as half as I know what you could do then you already did more than most of those guys. Because you work extremely hard! It doesn’t matter what Chris and that other Crenshaw boy said. Who’s the one that got an invite? You!” I praise.

“Yeah I know but Chris outplayed me today! He didn’t even miss a catch. What he said about me, it just gets me thinking. What if it’s true? What if I just got the invite because my dad was in the NFL?” Jordan worriedly wonders.

I let out a sigh.

“Be confident in yourself! Know what you’re worth because you’re worth a lot. It doesn’t matter if your dad was in the NFL or if your dad is your coach. You’re you Jordan! I know it must be hard to believe but trust me. Trust yourself!” I beg. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, the way your dad sees you, the way your team sees you, and the way those recruiters saw you today!”

Jordan looks over at me taking in all my words.

A little smile peeking through his face.

“Gosh!” Jordan lets out. “You always to know what to say,”

“I only say the truth,” I smile as I get closer to him, opening my arms.

Jordan chuckles as I welcome him into my arms.

“You’re amazing Jordan! Never forget that!” I say into our hug.

“Okay.” He mumbles into my hair.

When Jordan found out that he and JJ had to fight for the QB spot, Jordan’s heart shattered.

How could Coach Montes take his position away?

Y/N, Billy, and Laura were all seated on the kitchen counter seats. Jordan came zooming into the kitchen with a stressful look on his face.

“How was your first day?” Laura asks her son.

“Fine,” Jordan replies as he goes to grab a drink from their fridge.

“What’s up with all these panicked texts I got about your new coach trying to take away your spot?” Billy inquires.

Jordan deeply lets out a sigh before he speaks.

“Montes has me and JJ going up against each other for the QB1 spot,” Jordan devastatingly states.

“JJ, who got his hand stuck in the vending machine JJ?” Billy surprisingly says.

Laura and I let out chuckles.

“It seems like you have nothing to worry about J. No offense to JJ but that spot is meant for you. You just got to prove it to her,” I say like it’s nothing.

“Exactly!” Billy says, patting my shoulder in thanks. “Come on. You know JJ’s a beast on the field. And he was a really good quarterback in junior high!” Jordan protests.

“Junior High,” Billy mocks, immediately letting out his laughs, not even trying to hide them.

“And you’re a really great quarterback who led his team to a championship,” Laura defends.

“Look, if JJ was better then, I would’ve started him,” Billy says, getting serious.

Jordan lightly scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“Oh, right. The fact that I’m your son had nothing to do with me starting,” Jordan sarcastically states.

Laura shakes her head with a smile on her face.

Billy looks at him like he’s insane.

“Do you think if Butler was my son, he’d be starting QB?” Billy asks, looking straight at his son. “You need to have a little bit more faith in yourself, son! You are Beverly’s quarterback. Everybody knows it! All you gotta do now is convince Montes!” Billy encouragingly says.

“Exactly what I’ve been telling him for years!” I exclaim.

“Okay. Okay.” Jordan smiles, getting the push he needed from his loved ones. “I will!”

“Well y/n and I have to catch up on homework. So we’ll see you two later,” Jordan boasts as he grabs onto my arms and starts tugging.

“Oh?!” I let out realizing Jordan’s plan. “Right.” “Homework already? It’s the first day of classes!” Laura interjects.

“Oh, you know… we’re seniors now so we’re getting loads of work now,” Jordan lies.

I shake my head at him and giggle.

“Alright well since you’re sneaking off to do homework I’ll be expecting all A’s from you!” Billy yells out at Jordan.

Jordan gives him a not so convincing nod before dragging us up the stairs.

My laugh echoes through Jordan’s room and we make it onto his bed.

“What? My homework is cuddling you,” Jordan slyly comments with a grin as he pulls me into his arms.

He lays my head on his chest and starts to roam his long fingers through my hair.

“See! I told you!” I sassily say to Jordan as I look up at him.

He playfully rolls his eyes at me.

“I know! Now that my dad’s coaching at Crenshaw, I’m seeing that. Thank you for believing me since sophomore year,” Jordan softly says to me.

I let out a chuckle.

“Of course. I always knew it. It’s time you finally see it too!” I smile standing up from his chest and leaning into him, crashing my lips into his.

He smiles through our interlocked lips.

“Well thanks again.” Jordan gracefully says.

I nod, sending him a couple of other pecks on his lips, chuckling.

“Anytime, babe,” I say, closing my eyes, pressing our lips with one another again.

“Okay, we can get back to kissing now!” He laughs showing his deep dimples.

“Kissing should be part of your homework too!” I tease in between our kisses.

“Yeah?” He mumbles deeply. “What else?”

I smile cheekily.

“I think you know, Baker.” I flirt with a smirk.

“Hmm?” Jordan says with a furrow of eyebrows. “I don’t think so... “ He says, teasingly, tracing his fingers down my neck and chest.

“Well then let's find out!” I reckon as I fall back into the bed with a top Jordan.

[hxnmantii]

Class 1-A and their car habits

tw: crack/fluff, cursing

People: Bakugo, Shoto, Izuku, Sero, Kiri, iida, Mina x mostly gn!reader (Mina is the only one that’s implied female!reader)

Ratings: PG

A/n: yuuhh get into💋 I personally would like to ride with Shoto. I just wanna hold his hand👉🏾👈🏾 but not on no simp shit. Originally, this was going to be just boys but who would I be if my gay self didn’t add the queen herself? Anyways, Who would you like to ride with?

Bakugo~

Bakugo does that sexy ass thing where he drives with one hand on the wheel and one hand on your thigh and when you don’t pay him enough attention he’ll lightly squeeze your thigh. This man does NOT share the aux....his stingy ass. He says he doesn’t wanna listen “to your trash music” but will play bxmb threat and NBA Youngboy at full capacity with the windows down. If you beg enough maybe he’ll play 1 Nicki song. But he will throw a fit and act like he doesn’t like Nicki even though he knows all of the lyrics. Altough he’s really uptight about his car, he enjoys driving and picking up the Bakusquad in it because he likes to feel useful and needed. No doubt about it, this man has road rage. He’s screaming outside the window and in the car about how someone cut him off and when someone screams back him, he’s like “Pull over right now cuz those sound like fighting words to me.” Now y’all in the back of a cop car and 30 minutes late to your dinner date. You are not, I repeat, you are NOT allowed to even think about eating in his car unless he’s got that plastic wrapping on his car. He treats his car so good (at some point you think he likes the care better than you) her name is Bethany. I-

Shoto~

Shoto has one hand on the wheel and one hand in your hand, stroking your hand from time to time and kissing the back of it. He had a sleek gray sliver car with a sunroom (he never actually uses) that goes fast and he likes going real fast because what they gon do, give him a ticket??? When his dad the number one hero??? Try again. He’s also the type to flick off the cops as he driving by because ACAB. He’s always wearing a gold Rolex and you got your nails done so when you hold his, the acrylics compliment his hand and watch.(like the pictures from Pinterest) You guys ride in comfortable silence. It’s so calming riding with him because although you’re slightly anxious with how fast he’s going, you’re at somewhat ease because he’s doing it so smoothly and you trust him. His windows are tinted because once again he’s the son of a pro hero and people are nosy, neither you or him like that. Although you don’t really need the assistance with Shoto being a living AC and heater in one, his seats have buttons for each seat and you can warm your bum. His car had the clean car smell...it just smells really clean. He’s got a bunch of condiments and napkins in his glove department. He doesn’t know where they came from. His whole vibe in his car is rich and elegant. He gets his car professional wash every Tuesday and you are required to come.

Kirishima

Kiri’s got a big ass red GMC truck and he gave the truck these monster wheels so it’s a force to be reckoned with. Her name is Sophie and like Bakugo, he loves her dearly but makes it clear to you that he’s love you more than her. He does the sexy ass thing where he’s got one hand on the wheel and one hand tightly holding on to your head rest so his arms flexing and he’s backing up with a concentrated look. that is so hot to me. He’s got a sticker on the back that says “honk if you’re manly” . He definitely would let you take the aux because you guys made a playlist of songs you chose together. He would be the type to start dancing when a good song came on, almost hitting someone in the process because he took both hands off the steering wheel out of excitement. He’s got road rage but not enough to actually start shouting or flicking someone off. In the trunk of Kirishima’s car, he’s got at least 5 different protein bottles as well a case of water and some jump rope. He says “You never know when I’ll need it to work out” but he has his personal gym?? Anyways, he has a specific section in his closet for red button ups because he likes to match Sophie when he drives her😭 I hate to say it but Kiri looks like a hill billy especially since he’s got those shoulder cut out button ups. He’s cute with it and he’s happy so you somewhat tolerate it

Midoriya

Izuku has more of a family car like a soccer mom car or a dark green Ford explore because he likes to pick everybody up to hang out and he needs space since he’s got a lot of them. Not to mention, he also likes to cruise and enjoy his time with you no matter where y’all go because we all know this man is a simppp. At every stop light, he’s gently grabbing your face and either kissing you on your cheek or forehead. He tried giving you a kiss on the lips once but he got so caught on the feeling that he ended up holding up the line and everybody was honking and made at him. He was so embarrassed that he now waits til you guys get to your destination to do all that extraness. Being the big fan he is, naturally he has some All might themed seatbelts and has all might stickers all over his steering wheel. He also has little all Might figurine on his dashboard that he prays to get him out of car trouble. Genuinely think it’s works too. Izuku in his trunk has a bunch of workout gear and gaze cuz he’s sexy like that. He does not have road rage at all....maybe a little. He might flick someone off but that’s as far as it goes. He definitely gives you the aux because he loves watching how lively you get it. (Y/n) “Do you know your Megan baby?”�� (ZuZu) “Y-yes?”

Iida

Now hear me out...Iida has a motorcycle. He’s got a need for speed that cars can’t really fufill because you can’t weave through other cars like a motorcycle can. His motorcycle has the highest tech on it naturally. It’s all black but has lights underneath it so he can change it by phone and ofc it’s always blue. You guys also have matching helmets that are Bluetooth so you’re able to talk to one another without having to yell very much. When you guise stop, he rubbing your arms to make sure that you’re okay and/if you need to pull over. Now when he’s not riding the motorcycle he’s got a Tesla. He preaches about the law and following the rules but when he get in the car, that’s a different story. With him you better either hold on tight to him or you better get double seat belt buckles for extra protection because he’s about to try and race the flash. (And you thought Shoto was bad) You get out thanking the universe for letting you touch ground again. Iida got the type of car that if you even breathe incorrectly around it, it’s going off and waking up the whole damn neighborhood. When iida first got his car, he read everything up on it so he would be fully able to use the car to its full potiential meaning that he’s got Siri set up, he can lock the door from his car, and watch the cameras on his house through the screen of his car. The Bluetooth is automatically connected to his phone so no you will not be getting the aux but you can play some tunes form his phone. He’ll even make you a playlist on Apple Music with his rich self.

Sero

Sero’s got a red convertible with tan seats and the weather allows it, his top is always down. His car always smells so good because he uses the wild cherry air freshener in his car. He blasts bad bunny and daddy Yankee as y’all are cruising slightly over the speed light. He also likes blasting Ski Mask. He’s the type to sing you the words while gently holding your face and singing to you with a lovey dovey smile on his face. He’s very respectful and turns down his music when entering neighborhoods because he doesn’t wanna mess with the vibes. You two have matching glasses that says queen/ king on yours and king on his. He definitely has some throw dice hanging from his mirror along with a picture of you and him taped to his dashboard cuz he’s also a simp. He’s always has a packet of Extra gum in his middle console along with warm water bottles. If police pulls him over, he definitely the type to start flirting with him so the officer just to make him uncomfortable enough to let him off with a warning. For a fact, he has the Puerto Rican flag on the antenna of his car. He has Led lights and likes them to be colorful rather than on one color. Sero definitely jogs around the front to open the door for you because he’s a jester and a gentleman in one. His part of his car is that the top can go down solely for the fact that the sun always highlights your skins so well.

Mina

Do I even need to say anything about the Pink queen herself?? She has a cute pink steering wheel case with matching pink seats and ofc she has a bedazzled stick shift. She has a Jeep. She the type of person to has matching glasses with her interior and when you get in the car, she’s putting her music on shuffle: a dangerous move because you go from Brent Faiyaz to Jhene Aiki to fucking Cardi B, Flo Mili, and etc. When you unbuckle your seat to start twerking in the seat, she’s automatically going to start hyping you up. She’s got one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on your ass smacking it as you fuck it up in the passenger seat. Y’all are literally swerving from side to side and let’s be honest here, Mina is not that good of a driver so you have almost gotten in an accident multiple times. She’s the type to pull over to take cute selfies or videos with you and post them all at once captioning it with “Late nights w/bae”. Underneath seat she an emergency packet filled with makeup, clothes, hair and first aid kit supplies. Although she’s not the best driver, she takes the rules really serious because she would hate to have an accident with you in the car. Like Sero, She has led lights in her car but they only flash pink. Mina is the queen of putting falsies on so she would mostly definitely put yours on (without tweezers) once you park as well as do your edges if you ask. She just has that talent. *chefs kiss* amazing

Reblogs are appreciated!

A/n: I’m lyin I definitely would be riding with Bakugo because I have major passenger rod rage lol and you definitely don’t wanna get your ass beat TWICE

[writingisbetterthandying]

i’m not her - ts pt.2

here it is 😌 i was honestly like taken aback by the reception of this but like yolo

i rewrote the second half bc i forgot to save it originally (i almost cried) so there may be some big revisions in the next few days

continuity error with the obe but it doesn’t really matter? i switched it to mid series 3 for angstier purposes but billy is...there/mentioned v briefly?

avoiding dialogue be like: this fic 🥳

tommy shelby x fem!reader

part 1 part 3

tommy was trying. stopping himself from scolding charles for his favorite term for you, “mama,” attempting to be more present, more attentive. and he was a better husband, for a bit.

he was at family dinners, he was in bed at reasonable hours, spending weekends he could spare with you and charlie and the horses. but then, as always, tommy shelby’s ambition got the best of him. the russians. he had gotten himself involved with the fucking russians.

before his latest venture, you had been complete, so content in his new presence, you had spent time with linda, absolutely doting on billy, while just about tolerating his mother, having fun with esme, visiting ada. you truly were happy, now, and everyone was glad to see it- you were practically glowing.

polly, who you had weekly tea with, even told you how worried she had been, but so glad to see her nephew had gotten some sense and truly started to treat you the way you deserved. it wasn’t to feel posh, but rather to check in. no longer were all the shelby’s accessible on watery lane, and you liked to keep up, like old times. 

you felt like you were walking on clouds, your heart, already so full, felt ready to burst, your eyes were happier, less vacant- even tommy had noticed.

you felt like it had all been ripped away as tommy dealt with the russians- as a russian princess stayed in your home, half nude and aggressive, as charlie was taken, a fear more intense than anything before gripped you, as tensions grew and he went back to the tunnels, and as he was beaten, on the brink of death. it escaped him this time, thankfully, but you couldn’t be so sure he would the next time. because with tommy shelby, there would always be a next time.

this series of events came unknowingly. tommy was acting strange, even for being tommy, but it wasn’t too unusual: just more cigarettes, more thinking, just less dinners, less time. 

you could probably place blame on arthur and linda for your discovery, and while it would’ve been true, you know that it wasn’t really on them. it could even have partially been john’s fault, really. but no. it all came down to tommy. 

when tommy had told you he was taking the boys out with him hunting, barely mentioning his father’s death in passing, you nodded, consoling him slightly. you remembered arthur sr., and not very fondly, but losing anyone is hard, so you encouraged the trip. 

you stayed at the betting shop with the girls, while not exactly participating in the rebellion, coming along, making jokes, and living a little. it was nice, even if just for a little bit. 

after that bit, you were surprised to see arthur back so soon, sitting in the parlor, nonetheless, you all joined, sitting and chatting until John came, with charlie in his arms. charlie, who upon spotting you in the full parlor, started making grabby hands, babbling “mama!” your heart was so warmed, so full that you hadn’t noticed john sneak off with arthur, nor questioned why exactly charlie was with you, or where tommy was. 

in the kitchen, john shared everything; the strange but attractive woman, his orders from tom to put the nail in the tire, gathering his nephew into the car. arthur simply responded, 

“i’ve got a bad feeling about this, john. ‘bout this whole deal with the fuckin’ russians. ”

john agreed, but they were interrupted by linda, who had overheard. 

“you boys aught to tell her, you know. adultery is a sin, especially on good friday.” john laughed in disbelief, then headed over to wherever esme had found herself to be. 

arthur mumbled a somewhat cohesive response, not really wanting to meet your eyes as the pair returned to the parlor. 

when you announced that you would be taking charlie and yourself back home, to arrow house, linda gave arthur a pointed look and he insisted that he drive you back. 

the drive was quiet, mostly for the sake of the toddler in your arms, but you made small conversation, though arthur was practically stiff as a board, tension and anxiety radiating off of him. 

nothing had prepared you for what you would see. never had you anticipated to see what you had upon entering your home. arrow house had finally started to feel that way, like it was yours, and that it was a home, a place with love, support. and it was all ripped away once you reached your foyer. 

there was a woman, with dark hair and dark eyes, practically naked, looking deranged and standing in front of her, too close, was tommy. you wanted to pass it off as an unwelcome visitor, simply out of their mind drunk, or just unaware of their actions, but as you truly looked at your husband, you took in his bare feet, his tousled hair, his lack of a proper shirt, not even a vest or his jacket.

you could tell they had been yelling before you had entered. everyone had tensed with your presence. mary was stood on the stairs, frozen, tommy was still, turning towards you, but looking onto you in disbelief, though he masked his shock at least a little. you were supposed to be at polly’s, his son certainly wasn’t supposed to be there either. and then that woman, didn’t even have the decency to look surprised. in fact, if anything, she looked smug, not trying to step away from your husband, even though he had stepped towards you.

you couldn’t have stopped the tears if you had even tried.

his hand was held up defensively, as if you were a wild mare, his words attempting to calm you, but you couldn’t hear them. you could only focus on your husband, indecently dressed and the company of the smug woman, with the dark eyes.

mary made a move to try and take charles to his room, this wasn’t a suitable scene for him, but you refused to let him go.

arthur was trying to lead you away but you wouldn’t budge. you just couldn’t stop staring, and crying, the tears streaming ceaselessly.

nobody really knew what to do until charlie mumbled out “mama” in his sleep, to which you just pressed soft kisses to his head, managing to keep your voice steady with,

“i’m here charlie love, i’m here,” and he settled.

tommy reached out again to touch your shoulder, but you didn’t even realize how you flinched, stepping back a little bit.

he certainly did, and his heart ached at the sight.

arthur put his arm around you and led you out to the door. when tommy called out, “arthur- arthur, wait!” angrily, a slight hint of desperation in his tone, arthur gently pushed you towards the car, then turned to his brother.

“no, tom. you stay right here, brother. you stay right fuckin’ here!” spit flew, arthur making his anger known, before getting back to the car.

when arthur got back to the car, you were sobbing, and he did his best to console you, but he knew that what he would share wouldn’t help. it wouldn’t matter that they would be £150,000 richer, or that tommy had said this would be the “last job,” he had betrayed you, and there was possibly no going back now. this couldn’t be written off as “just business,” this was so much more.

arthur made the decision to take you back to polly’s. he loved linda- at least he thought he loved her, but knew that bringing you back to their home would result in more shame. the last thing you needed was to hear about the massive sin that was committing adultery during a holy time; you needed polly, once again, because thomas had broken your heart, once again.

polly swore her heart broke when she saw the state of you, taking charlie and putting him in a spare room, then holding you in her arms as you sobbed, this time it being all too much. you didn’t know what to do with your pain because it felt like it had consumed you, and so she let you cry it all out.

she would most definitely be having more than a talk with tommy, even if she hadn’t known what he had done this time, she knew it was worse than ever before.

if only she knew.

tommy was alone in his office. he tried drinking, but threw the glass across the room in frustration, then started tearing up his shelves, throwing himself around, shouting out in anger.

he had been better. he was a good husband, and he saw how your mood had improved. he did notice these things, because with your own happiness came his- he was feeling lighter too, he was feeling content, but then tommy shelby wanted more. once again convinced himself he wasn’t worthy of love, that you were there out of pity out of necessity, and he betrayed you. he thought it was “just business,” but it wasn’t. it didn’t matter that he at least hadn’t done it in your bed, he still did it: and did it in your shared home, too.

he was worried for your safety, but he knew arthur wouldn’t let anything happen. he trusted his brother.

he didn’t want to face his family right now. not exactly knowing how he knew, but he would know this wouldn’t stay as a private matter- even if you hadn’t said anything, desperately not wanting to share what you saw, his family would. and they all currently knew, cursing his name. once you had fallen asleep, poll had gone on a rampage, calling her nephews, searching for answers; and answers she found. arthur picked up the phone, and though he was slurring his words, the message was more than clear.

polly gasped in shock and almost left him on the line- not that he would’ve noticed, but the magnitude of the situation truly hit.

this wouldn’t be like last time.

this couldn’t be helped with more dinners, more time, more weekends. this was much deeper than anything before- before tommy hadn’t promised himself to you. but you were married now, and he had gone and broken your heart beyond repair.

she lit a cigarette, allowing her to take some respite amongst the sharp smoke, and called tommy, knowing he would answer.

her sharp words and anger, almost hatred present as tommy could do nothing but pretend he wasn’t hurting.

“i hope you rot with misery! all you ever do is think with your cock, thomas! after everything that woman has done for you, for charles, your son, and you go and stomp on her heart- again might i add. you were never there thomas, but i was, and i had hoped, and i had prayed, that you had turned a new leaf, that you were giving her- your fucking wife, what she fucking deserves, and you go and break her heart again. you spat on your marriage. that girl has given everything to you tom. do you know how many men courted her while you were absent with others? how suitable they had been? how happy she could’ve been if she had just married any one of them years ago! she’d have everything she deserves, but no. you selfishly always kept her close, but not close enough, and now you’ve gone and shot it all to hell!”

after she finally paused, he simply said, “is that all polly?” like it was a business meeting. she told him to go fuck himself. kin or not he had done a terrible thing, and so she hung up.

tommy felt shame and guilt, like when killing the stag just earlier that day. if only he were still out on a hunting trip, not sitting alone in arrow house, cold, and ashamed. but no, tommy shelby had gone and fucked it all up, once again, and was alone.

usually, when he was alone, he never was truly solitary, not for long, because there was always support. your support. and so, tommy didn’t sleep, images of your face relaying through his mind, your eyes so broken, and he cried.

thomas shelby cried- real tears, big fat elephant tears, a vulnerability so rare, that the maids outside the door scurried away, scared of what would happen if discovered. and he cried himself to sleep, in his office which looked like it had been through hell, in his stiff chair, alone.

from now on, alone.

[downwiththemoralmajority]

Hitching a ride

Word count: 2742

Billie Joe Armstrong x OC

Warnings: live without warning!

Somewhere in California, back in 1994. It was my first concert and I’ve never been so excited. I was 18 years at that point and still lived at my parents home. It always was difficult to drive somewhere because I haven’t had a car yet nor a driver’s license. Thankfully I’ve had a lot of friends who were able to drive and my friend picked me up to get to the concert.

We’ve had a good evening and been sweating the whole time. It felt nice to get some fresh air after the concert. I had to say goodbye to my friend and that was the biggest mistake (or either the best decision) I’ve ever made in my life. She actually wanted to take me home but I maintained that I would take the bus. So far, so good. After saying goodbye I headed to the next call box to call my mother. Full of excitement I told her that I’ve never experienced such an amazing concert and that I’m fine, so she didn’t have to worry.

Right after I hung up someone pushed me to the side and immediately ran away. I didn't know what happened until I saw that a random guy stole my purse with all my money which was left to pay the bus ticket. One hour away from my house I stood there alone without any money. My eyes were suddenly filled with tears and started to burn. I swore to myself that I won’t cry in public. So I denied myself crying and breathed in. I sat down and stared down to the floor until someone touched my shoulder. Embarrassed, I looked up and recognized someone familiar. A blonde guy with a nose ring, crooked teeth and dirty clothes. This must’ve been Billie, the singer of the band I saw earlier. I didn’t even realize that their van was in front of the call box. Hasn’t he seen the guy who stole my purse? Apparently not.

„Are you okay?“, he asked. I was in trance so I didn’t notice that he talked to me. I looked into his green (and obviously red) eyes and caught a glimpse of empathy. He smiled and asked me again if I’m fine.

I tried to not sound whiny but promptly bursted into tears. I couldn’t say any word because I started to sob. Carefully he embraced me and I continued to sob but now harder than ever. It was so embarrassing.

„Don’t say anything“, he comforted me, „it’s okay. Whatever has happened to you, you’ll be better soon... Would you have a joint to come down?“

He was good at comforting because it was the funniest way ever to console someone. I stopped crying and smiled a bit. Gently he caressed my arm and helped me up. He leered and I honestly was smitten by his charm. „I knew it. Nobody can resist a joint.“, he joked. „Come into our van and tell me what’s going on.“ This would’ve been the part where I had to say no. It‘s actually pretty dangerous to go into a strangers van just to talk, I thought to myself. But he was the singer of a punk rock band so what should happen? I was so taken with him, more than I could ever imagine. And he obviously felt the same way because he suddenly grabbed my hand and led me to the van.

At one fell swoop he opened the rusty door and all I could see was the dirtiest interior a van could have. It smelled like beer, weed and other substances. The small table in the middle of the van was littered with papes, cigarette butts and transparent bags which was obviously used for something. And I couldn’t care less. Funnily it felt like home to me. I always loved the smell of weed. Since I was 15 I’ve been smoking joints. So it’s nothing new to me and what would I expect from a punk band in the mid nineties? Grouches who just sit on their couches and had fucked up kids? No, this guy with whom I hung up is the fucked up kid. And he deserved to have fun and kick ass. And I totally understood him.

„Sorry for the mess but our room service hasn’t been here yet. They’re always so fucking busy, you know?“

He was probably the funniest person I’ve ever met.

„How dare they!“, I responded, trying to sound as funny as Billie. He pretended that he’s actually a bit mad about it, stood with his hands on his hips and shook his head in disbelief. Immediately bursted into laughter and I had to laugh as well. He punched my arm like I’m one of his friends and looked at me with his sweetest and apparently most stoned smile. He grabbed a bag with smoking utensils and started to roll a joint for us two, lighted it up and passed it to me. I haven’t been smoking joints in a while because I was so focused on getting my homework done before I graduate this summer. It was almost there.

„Sit down and tell me about the issue. Did we play so bad that it made you cry? Yeah, we’ve had a lot of sound problems and Mike has been higher than me and Tré set his drums on fire and I almost burnt my fucking ass. I wanted to..“, I interrupted him with a laugh. „It’s all right. It wasn’t your fault. It was just a random guy who stole my purse after I called my mom on the phone and said that everything’s fine. Now I don’t have any money and can’t buy a bus ticket.“ My smile faded again. Billie narrowed his eyes. „What a fucking motherfucker! If I catch this guy I would punch the shit out of him.“, he said angrily. „He’s gone. You wouldn’t catch him anymore. Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m gonna find a way to drive home.“, I lied. It was hopeless.

Billie smirked: „What if we could drive you home? I mean, I don’t know how far away your home is from here but fuck, someone hurt you and now I need to help you.“

I started to laugh. He was high as fuck and the other band members were probably stoned as well. How could they still drive? But in my heart of hearts I wanted them to bring me back home. I didn’t want to sleep at the bus station or dodge the fare. My parents would kill me. So I agreed. He noticed that I couldn’t believe it and clarified it:„You look worried. No, we won’t drive anymore. That’s up to our roadie. He can still drive. He doesn’t drink anymore, he was an AA.“ I was assailed by a feeling of relief and I nodded.

„Move closer.“, he summoned me. Deeply, he inhaled his joint, pulled my neck and blew the smoke in my mouth. That was the point. Without exhaling I dared to kiss him and he kissed me back. The smoke leaked out of our mouths and filled the room with special vibes. I moved closer and gave myself up to him. He tasted so good. No, he actually tasted like beer, weed and sweat. But after a concert everyone smells gross and probably I smelled disgusting too.

He moved and lay above me. I noticed something between my legs and knew that he was enjoying it. After a lot of kisses he looked down on me and asked quietly: „Tell me your name.“ He smiled and it made my heart melt. Do I really have a crush on him? I didn’t even know him. I just saw him playing at their concert and I haven’t even known this band before. I normally had a thing for Led Zeppelin or Deep Purple. I couldn’t believe I was making out with a punk rocker.

Smiling, I replied: „My name’s Lauren. I'm 18 years old and I’m originally from Germany.“ He actually just wanted to know my name and it was probably the weed which made talkative. His eyes opened as if he'd never seen a German before. But not in a strange way. He looked surprised. „Fuck, I didn’t notice that you’re German. Why don’t you wear a dirndl?“, he laughed. I didn’t even feel offended by his question. It’s all-American to think that every German wears a dirndl or leather pants, drinks beer and eats bretzels. Sarcastically, I replied: „Well, I changed the clothes before the concert. I thought it was inappropriate to wear such a dress at a punk rock concert. But I’ve got a lot of dirndl at home. You wanna see? I like the pink one with glitter the most.“ I tried to look serious but couldn’t refrain from laughter. „You’re quick at repartee. This turns me on.“ He continued to smooch. His hands were all over my body when we’re suddenly interrupted by a bang. „I think we have some guests.“, he said disappointedly. „Fuuuck, I can’t open the door. Someone locked the door. Let me in and leave me some pot.“, a guy, obviously one of the band members, screamed in front of the door. Bustling, he pulled the door and was still not able to open it. Apparently, he was drunk. „TRÉ you cockhead! PUSH the door! Don’t pull.“, Billie screamed. Tré pushed the door and fell into the van. He babbled: „I’m totally drunk!“ He stood up and took a look at us. „Oh hell, who’s that groupie?“, he asked, confused. I sarcastically answered: „Hey sweetheart, my name is Candy. Do you want some candy? I have a lot of it in my pants.“ Tré, as drunk as he was, didn’t get what I meant. He straightened up, moved closer to me and shook my hand: „Hi Candy. I actually don’t want candy. I just want some HERBS!“ He screamed as he said the last word and I winced. He continued: „Sorry Candy, I almost forgot my name. My name is Tré, Tré Cool because I’m tré cool.“ He spoke in a French accent. I kind of like him. His green hair is smutty and sweaty just like his face and clothes. But his smile was catching. The other drunk band member entered the van. He greeted me: „Hello, I’m Mike.“ He pretended to fuck Tré from behind and lay down on the other couch. To me he seemed a bit calmer than Billie and Tré but he was just totally drunk and tired. He immediately began to sleep as he lay down. „Hella nice, I don’t even have to roll a joint.“, Tré said as he found the joint we’ve been smoking before starting to make out. He took some puffs and lay down on the couch where Mike slept. „Good Night, my fellows! Tré is drunk and sleepy and stoned and wants to take a nap.“, he babbled. „Tré, wait! Where is Eddie? When will he come back?“, Billie needed an answer because he still wants his roadie to drive me home. He smoked a lot of weed but was still able to keep things in mind. Sleepy, Tré opened his eyes and replied: „10 or 20 minutes. He’s still talking to the hosts. Good night, Billie. Good night, Candy.“ I was so mean. He still didn’t know my real name. It didn’t matter because I wouldn't see those guys again, I thought. 10 to 20 minutes. I should’ve been home actually. It would be a one hour drive if I took the bus. The roadie should hurry because my parents would still kill me.

Billie noticed my anxiety. He stood up and said: „Stay here, Lauren. I will have a look. I’ll be back soon. Don’t be afraid. These guys are nice and they’re sleeping at the moment. They won’t hurt you.“ I believed him and let him go. After he left the van I took a look at the furniture. There were two couches on each side covered with some blankets and pillows, a small wooden table in the middle of the room, Venetian blinds to cover the tiny windows. The van was full of stickers of different bands and organisations. It was actually really dirty and smelly in here but the more you sat here the more you got used to it. I felt comfortable and it was probably because of Billie. The guy I had a crush on. After 5 minutes of waiting I heard noises from outside. It was Billie and another guy. I hoped it was the roadie. Billie entered the van again and wanted to know: „Lauren, I need to know where you live. I asked Eddie if he could bring you back home and he’s gonna do it.“ I almost cried. I jumped up and hugged and kissed Billie because I was so relieved. He kissed me back. With tears in my eyes, I told him where I live and gave him a lot of kisses. „Thank you, Billie. Thank you so much. That means so much to me. Thanks.“ I couldn’t stop saying thank you. Passionately, he kissed me and headed to Eddie.

The roadie sat down on the front seat and started the van. Billie entered the van again and closed the door.

We drove down the slip road and reached the street.

„It will take us 30 min to drive you home. So your parents won’t even notice that you’ve been away longer.“, Billie mentioned and I lay in his arms again.

We laid on the couch for a long time without saying anything. It was just Billie and me. I felt comfy and safe in his arms and I didn’t want to miss a single thing.

He caressed my head and started talking again: „What are you doing when you’re not at our concerts? How long have you been living here? Teach me some German.“ „Well, I go to school but I will graduate in one month. I’ve been living here in the US for 12 years. We usually speak German at home because my dad doesn’t like the English language. It wasn’t that easy for me to get used to it because I’ve barely spoken English at home but school helped me a lot. Hm, I’m good at drawing, writing and playing guitar. I want to be a journalist. I’ve taken some writing classes in school and I wrote a lot of articles for the school‘s magazine. After graduating I’m gonna leave the States and go back to Germany, to the roots. I want to learn more about the culture and the people. And there I want to study journalism. I haven’t decided yet if I’m gonna take German or bilingual classes. Someday I want to work for a music magazine, maybe The Rolling Stone. I don’t know when I will come back to the US again. I will finish my studies in Germany at least. It could be 5 years or 10 years. I don’t know. Anyway, I really like the word Schnuckiputz. Can you pronounce it? It literally means cutiepie. Keep it in mind. I would like to teach you some German but I’m kinda tired at the moment. I just want to be here with you and cuddle.“

He held me closer and kissed my forehead. He replied: „You’re gonna be successful. You will rock your studies and be the most brilliant writer.“ He sounded sad.

I almost fell asleep but suddenly the van stopped. I was at home. The roadie parked at the end of the street so we wouldn’t wake up my parents. It was near the bus station. I just had to walk for a few minutes. Sadly, I stood up and looked at Billie. He seemed very tired and so was I.

„Thank you Billie. That was so nice of you and your Roadie to bring me home. You literally saved my life.“, I said quietly so it wouldn’t wake the other guys.

„Don’t mention it. I would do it again any time, Schnuckiputz.“, he whispered. These were the last words I’ve heard from him. He gave me a last kiss. Passionately. With all of his heart. I felt like he didn’t want me to leave him. It was the hardest goodbye. I left the van and went home.

I will miss you, he thought.

[nocturnalwildflower]

hurt; asher adams

summary: y/n finally opens up to asher about suffering from mental illnesses and self-harming

warning(s): SELF-HARM, depression, anxiety, cursing, mentions of parents dying, trauma, asher being cute af (not a warning but prepare yourselves hehe)

wc: 5.0k

A/N (PLEASE READ): I hope you all enjoy this and I lowkey got the idea from my own struggles with depression and anxiety, and I wanted to shine a light on self-harm although I haven’t experienced it personally. Please do not read this is self-harm or depression is a trigger for you as the whole basis of this one shot is self-harm and depression and the demons you face. Remember it’s okay to talk, and if you’re suffering, PLEASE get help. This one shot is an in-depth reality of depression that most people don’t know about and the aftermath of a depressive episode

masterlist ♡ prompt list

It was no secret to the Baker family that Y/N suffered with depression and severe anxiety because of her past. When Y/N’s parents passed away in a horrible car accident when she was only 6, Laura and Billy had no hesitation when it came to adopting her as one of their own as they were best friends with Y/N’s parents. It became apparent early on that Y/N suffered from depression and anxiety due to the trauma she had experienced, therefore the Bakers’ tried everything they could to make her feel safe, welcome and happy as well as sending her to therapy. The majority of the time, Y/N had a really good handle on things and went years without having a depressive breakdown, however, this year marked 10 years without her parents. The closer the day came, the more breakdowns she suffered, and Y/N couldn’t help but wonder why her parents had to die that day.

Not that she didn’t appreciate everything the Bakers’ have done for her, but she couldn’t help but wonder how much happier she would be if her parents didn’t die in that accident; how she wouldn’t be suffering and feeling like the only release was self-harming. She was too embarrassed to tell anyone how she was feeling, so she just resorted to self-harm as a way of releasing the pain, which seemed to be working. Her thoughts were interrupted when Billy knocked on her door and peaked her head in.

“Hey sweetie. No school again today?” he asked in a heavyhearted tone. Honestly, it broke his heart to see Y/N suffer with depression and begin her spiral into a depressive episode. He knew that there was only so much they could to for her, which included getting her a therapist whom she sees off and on depending on how bad her depressive breakdowns are. Y/N let out a sigh before responding.

“Next week, I promise!” she said in a somewhat cheery tone. Billy knew that this was just a ruse to get him to leave her room, however it did the opposite and he took a seat next to her on the bed.

“Sweetie, I think it’s time we put in a call to Dr. Morales and get you some appointments set up. We all love you so much and we hate seeing you suffer like this … please consider it,” he said, and Y/N’s eyes began to fill with tears. She knew that things were getting out of hand if he was suggesting therapy again, and she knew it meant she was going to have to face her demons yet again. Her lip began to quiver before she let out a cry, burying her head into his shoulder while he consoled her. She continued to sob, not knowing how to control her emotions and letting out as many tears as she could to get rid of the pain, even if it only a temporary form of release. Eventually, she had calmed herself down enough to speak to him.

“Billy, thank you so much for everything you and Laura have done for me over the past 10 years. I know this is hard to deal with, having a daughter with mental health issues, but I’m trying so hard to battle these demons like I have all the other times, it’s just too hard for me to do this alone …” Y/N said while wiping away her tears.

“You’re not alone Y/N. You have all of us here, and we will continue to support you until you are better. You know how much we love you and you know how much you’ve impacted our life, in a good way, but I think maybe it’s time to be honest with Asher about it … he’s going to find out eventually, and maybe if he knew what was happening, he could help you through this with us,” Billy said. He knew that having her boyfriend by her side through this battle would help her drastically; Y/N looked at him with a sorrow look in her eyes before responding.

“I-I know I need to tell him … I’m just not ready for him to see me this vulnerable yet. I promise, I’ll tell him when I’m ready,” she replied in a raspy voice. He smiled before giving her a kiss on the forehead and leaving her alone to be with her thoughts. No one knew she had been self-harming, so it was easy for them to leave her alone for the duration of the day; she hadn’t done it in a few days, and although there was a small voice inside her head that kept telling her to just pick up a blade and do it. She waited until she heard the front door close, signaling everyone was gone, before getting up and heading towards the bathroom. Y/N inhaled sharply before she opened the drawer where she kept her tools, staring at the blade for a few seconds, contemplating if this was the right thing to do and thinking about what Billy said to her. “We all love you so much and we hate seeing you suffer.” They loved her and they had given her so much, so why couldn’t she just let this go and stop? She inhaled sharply before picking up a blade, bringing it to her skin, and cutting, letting out a small whimper as the blood began to come out from her skin.

-

Back at school, Asher knew something was up with Y/N. The twins kept telling him that she was sick, but she had been dodging his calls and texts all week. He knew something was wrong because even if she was sick, there was no reason why she was avoiding his calls; usually all she wanted when she was sick was to cuddle with him and spend time with him. He decided to pull out his phone and text her one last time to see if maybe she was in the mood to talk about what was going on.

Hey baby, I know we’ve barely talked at all this week but I just wanted to say that you’re an amazing girlfriend and I can’t wait until you’re better so I can come see you!

He knew she more than likely wouldn’t respond, which wasn’t like her at all. To his surprise, his phone vibrated, and his face lit up when he saw that it was Y/N’s contact. The text was just a simple “You too,” but that was enough for him to have some concerns … she was always one to use emojis for almost everything and would usually get upset if he wasn’t using them enough.

“Okay guys, seriously what’s happening with Y/N? It’s almost like she’s fallen off the face of the earth, she’s hardly answering any texts, and she hasn’t been to school all week… I know she isn’t sick,” Asher said as he caught up to Jordan and Olivia after the final bell rang. Jordan let out a sigh, knowing that it wasn’t up to him and Olivia to tell him what was really happening with her however he knew they had to tell him something to get him off their backs.

“Asher, it’s just best that you talk to her yourself, it’s not up to Olivia and I to tell you what’s going on with her, it’s her choice on whether she wants you to know. I’m home by myself tonight, why don’t you come over and see her for yourself?” Jordan replied in a somewhat annoyed tone.

“Sounds good,” Asher said before getting into his car. He knew Jordan had a point, it wasn’t up to him and Olivia to tell him what was happening with his girlfriend. He hadn’t told her yet, but he was in love with her and cared about her more than anyone even realized. The boys on the team constantly made fun of him for how much he cared about her, but now he was beginning to think something else was going on with her. Was she cheating on him and couldn’t tell him? Did he come on too strong and force her into a relationship when she wasn’t ready? Did she want to break up and felt like couldn’t say anything to him about it? These thoughts kept flooding his mind from the time he walked in the door of his house until the time he left to go hang out with Jordan and get to the bottom of this behaviour.

-

Later on that evening, Y/N was sitting quietly watching her favourite show when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. She already knew it was Jordan because he was the only one home that night, so she closed her laptop and told him to come in. He peaked his head in before opening the door wider to reveal her boyfriend Asher, angering her.

“Jordan, I said I didn’t want any visitors. Asher included!” Y/N said angrily. Jordan just shrugged before mumbling a quick ‘sorry’ and turning around to exit her room, leaving Asher alone in her doorway. She rolled to face the opposite side of the room in order to avoid looking at him, hoping that he would get fed up with her and leave, however this act did the complete opposite.

“Y/N, you’ve been couped up in this room for over a week now … You’re dodging everyone’s calls and texts, skipping school, sulking away in your room and shutting us out. This isn’t like you at all, what is happening?” he asked in a soft, loving tone. Asher wanted her to open up about why she was feeling this way, even though he knew it was because the anniversary of her parents’ death was coming up. He had seen it before, she usually got sad for about a week but was okay otherwise, however this was different and something he had never seen before; he has never seen her shut her friends out and completely isolate herself from the rest of the world.

“Asher go away,” Y/N mumbled to her boyfriend as she sat up, staring at him with a somber look. Asher moved closer to her, eventually sitting on the end of her bed and staring into her gorgeous eyes. He could tell something was wrong with her; her hair was up in a bun that looked like it hadn’t been taken out in days, her eyes were puffy, the colour in her face was gone and she looked like she hadn’t eaten in days either. He hated seeing her suffer like this and knew he had to do something about it.

“Y/N, please tell me what’s happening. I want to be here for you, but I can’t unless you open up and tell me what’s wrong,” he responded, keeping his eyes on Y/N.

“It’s been 10 years Ash, 10 years since I last saw or spoke to my parents and I can’t even explain to you how much pain I’m in because of it. I’m so fucking embarrassed that it’s come to this, I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about how I was feeling and tell anyone how bad my depression had gotten, so I found another way to cope with the pain …” Y/N replied in a somber tone. She inhaled sharply before lifting up her sleeve hesitantly and exposing her forearm. Realistically, this was not a conversation she was prepared to have with him; quite frankly she never wanted him to find out and she was hoping this would all blow over before she needed to tell him. Y/N tried her best to keep the tears from rolling for her face, but they slowly started to fall from her beautiful Y/E/C orbs. She felt like she was being weak, risking her relationship with Asher by being vulnerable and showing him how much she was struggling.

Asher kept his eyes fixed on Y/N’s forearm. There was a slight discolouration where she had cut her arm with a razor blade recently as well as some faded scars further up her arm. He felt completely infuriated with himself that he let his girlfriend go through this alone and that she felt like she couldn’t come to him for help. He knew something was up when she never wanted to spend the night with him, but he blew it off because he didn’t want to pressure her into anything she didn’t want to do. He began to ponder about why she never came to him for help, until he realized that he had been so focused on keeping his endurance up during the off season and focusing on the next football season that he completely neglected her. Asher took Y/N’s hand into his, interlacing their fingers while gently lifting her chin so their eyes met.

“Y/N I’m so sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me with this. I’m so angry that I let you go through this alone and made you believe that I wouldn’t support you. I want you to know that I’m still here, and I don’t plan on leaving. I’m here baby, you don’t need to hold on to this alone anymore because we’re going to get through this together. You have no idea how much better my life is because you’re in it, you have no reason to ever doubt this relationship and I’m not going to lose you because of your mental health,” he said, bringing his lips gently to her. More tears began rolling down her face as he continued to kiss her, placing his hands on her hips and pulling her closer to him. She gently pulled herself away from him before speaking up.

“Ash, you were so busy with training and I didn’t want to bother you with this because-” she began before Asher cut her off.

“Y/N enough. You and your mental health are much more important than anything right now, I’m here for you and we’re going to get through this because I love you so much it fucking hurts. Watching you spiral into a depressive episode is not something I want to see happen and I would do anything for you, you know damn well I’m not letting you go through this alone,” he replied with a smile. Y/N felt the butterflies in her stomach when she heard him say it. Those 3 little words. The words she thought she would never hear anyone tell her. I love you. She couldn’t believe that Asher Adams actually said that to someone like her when he just witnessed her in a state of depression. Y/N tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and looked at him with loving eyes.

“Y-you love me?” she asked in a quiet tone. Asher gave her a confused look and laughed.

“Who wouldn’t? Y/N, you are hands down one of the best people to be around and you always make sure everyone is always having a good time. You’re smart, kind, caring, beautiful … the list could go on all day. You have no idea how happy I was when you agreed to go out with me, and I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done to help me and how happy you’ve made me. Now it’s time to get you back to being as happy as you were when we first started dating. I’ll say it again, Y/N Y/L/N I fucking love you, despite the demons you are currently battling” he said in a soothing voice, leaning in and pressing his lips to hers again. Y/N gently placed her hand on his neck and pulled him closer so that he was laying on top of her. She had to admit that it felt good to finally have this burden off her shoulders and she felt so much better now that Asher knew the truth. He pulled away and looked her up and down before speaking.

“Why don’t you spend the night at my place? You’ve been couped up in this room for over a week and a change of scenery might be good, plus if you’re up for it we could talk about all of this. Like I said Y/N, we’re going to get through this together because I love you,” he said in a soft tone, caressing her cheek and leaning in for one more small kiss. Y/N looked at him with loving eyes and smiled before she responded.

“I love you too … please take me home with you, that’s all I want right now babe,” she whimpered out in a soft voice. Asher proceeded to pack her a bag with everything she needed to spend the night at his place and grabbed her hand, gently leading her down the stairs and into his car. She had to admit that even something as small as leaving her bed made her feel better to some degree, but she knew this was only one small step towards beating this illness.

-

As soon as they walked in the door, Asher sat her down and made them both something to eat, making sure her meal was full of food that made her feel happy, however the smile on her face quickly faded when the food was placed in front of her. Demon #1: having to eat your first meal after a depressive breakdown. Asher picked up on this behaviour rather quickly and placed his hand in hers, grabbing her attention.

“I know it’s going to be hard for you to eat after that depressive breakdown, but you haven’t eaten in days baby. You need food in your system, please just try,” he said in a heavyhearted tone, earning him a half-smile and a small nod from his girlfriend. Truth be told, she didn’t want to eat; she was too embarrassed about what had just happened and was so emotionally exhausted to think about anything, her mind kept drifting and she kept thinking about how much she wanted this moment to be over so she could sleep the pain away. Y/N finished about half the food her lovely boyfriend had made for her, however this was more than enough to satisfy him, he was just proud that she tried for him.

After they finished eating, Asher took it upon himself to de-tangled Y/N’s hair from the bun it had been in before leading her to the shower and helping her strip down, knowing that she was too emotionally exhausted to do it all herself. He joined her in the shower, helping her wash her hair and comb it out, in addition to making sure her body was clean. He always kept a bottle of her shampoo, conditioner and body wash as his house, just in case she ever needed it while staying there. He made sure he had a warm towel for her afterwards and helped her brush her teeth; he picked her up bridal style, bringing her into his bedroom and gently laying her on the bed, staring into her eyes that were still as beautiful as the first time he looked at them.  

Y/N laid her head on Asher’s chest, eyes focused on the movie that was playing on the flat screen television in front of them. He was too busy admiring her, thinking about how much he loved her and how lucky he was to have a girl like her, despite what she was going through. Her breathing was stable and somehow, she seemed to look even more perfect than earlier; she was playing with the hem of Asher’s shirt and turned to face him, catching him staring at her. She gently pushed herself up, closing the gap between them and bringing their lips together when his hands found their way around her waist, positioning her body on top of him. Her hands found their way to his head, ruffling his hair up while he pulled her in tighter, moving his lips from her mouth to her neck while mumbling a quick ‘I love you’ and placing his hands on her bum, before she stopped him.

“Asher I can’t … I can’t have sex with you this just isn’t the right time,” Y/N said in a fearful but quiet voice. Demon #2: being intimate with him after he just saw you in a vulnerable state. She began to tremble and proceeded to let out a small cry, releasing the tears she was holding in and placing her head in the crook of his neck. He began to slowly rub her back and coo in her ear to calm her down.

“Woah Y/N, that’s not what I was doing my love. Of course I want to have sex with you and show you how much I love you, but right now if definitely not the time. You don’t owe me anything, especially not your virginity, I love you whether we have sex or not. Just come here, try to stay calm and breathe babe,” Asher cooed as he let Y/N sob into his neck. He continued to rub her back, knowing that the only way she was going to progress towards success was by letting her release all of her emotions appropriately and he continued to coo in her ear until she began to calm down. His shirt was absolutely drenched in her tears, however eventually, she had stopped crying, pulling away to look at her boyfriend before she took a deep breath and began to speak.

“I’m sorry Asher I-” she began before he cut her off.

“Y/N, no apologizing please. Are you okay? What do you need me to do right now to make you feel safe and comfortable?” he asked in a soft tone. She put all her focus into taking nice, big, deep breaths as he continued to rub her back until he was given any sort of direction from her.

“Just lay here with me and hold onto my tightly, don’t let go until I fall asleep,” Y/N responded in a calm tone. Asher happily positioned himself so that their bodies were in the perfect position, he wrapped his arms around her and held on tight as she sighed in relief, giving him the impression that this was perfect; they laid there peacefully and quietly until they both snoozed off.

-

The following morning, Y/N woke up alone in Asher’s bed, knowing he was downstairs making her breakfast; he knew she hasn’t been getting a lot of sleep due to her anxiety and knew she would appreciate catching up on her sleep. She sat up on his bed and stretched, rolling onto the other side of the bed to check her phone; as expected, she had a text from Laura telling her that Billy and Jordan had filled her in on what was going on and reminded her that she was so loved in their family. She smiled, knowing that she had a wonderful family that will help her through this and an even more amazing boyfriend what would be by her side through all of the struggles. She shot a quick text back to her mom thanking her, just as Asher came around the corner with 2 plates of breakfast, placing one in front of Y/N. She noticed that her plate had a tad less food on it than his, which didn’t cause her much anxiety given the fact that she didn’t finish all of her food the previous night. He sat next to her on the bed and watched in awe as his girlfriend was eating, free of any nervous expression and looking like she was actually enjoying the food. He stayed quiet and let her enjoy her meal in peace before he spoke up.

“So your dad called me … you know that this means you’re going to have to call your therapist and start seeing him on a regular basis again right?” Asher said as his girlfriend took a sharp breath in. Demon #3: speaking to a therapist for the first time and admitting what you had was a depressive breakdown. She knew that this was coming, she just didn’t realize it would be so soon; Asher picked up on her body language and gently kissed her cheek while moving her chin with his finger so that she was facing him.

“You know that I’m here baby, you don’t need to go through this alone. I promise I will be here for you to make sure you take that little pill every day … hell I’ll even drive you to all of your appointments if I have to. Whatever it will take to help you get through this,” he said in a soothing tone. Y/N had to admit that he was taking this much better than she thought he was going to, and she kept hoping that he was going to genuinely keep his word to her about being there through all of this.

“I’m going to call them on Monday and make the appointment,” she replied in a low voice, resulting in a grin being plastered on his face. Asher slowly closed the gap between the two of them, bringing his lips to hers and caressing her cheek with one hand, while the other snaked around her waist, pulling her in closer. He couldn’t help but fall in love with her even more each time she found a new demon to battle and knowing that with all the love and support she was receiving from her family she was more than capable of beating them.

“Y/N, if you ever feel like you don’t trust yourself to be alone please call me. I don’t care if it’s 3am on a school night, if you don’t feel safe being alone I will come and get you, or I’ll stay on the phone with you as long as you need to me. I’ve said it 100 times and I’ll say it again, I love you so much it hurts, and I don’t want anything to happen to you,” Asher replied giving her a kiss on the forehead and holding her close. It still absolutely broke his heart that she had been going through this for weeks without anyone knowing and she was still too scared to tell her own family that she self-harmed; but he made her a promise and he fully intended on keeping it.

Throughout the day, Y/N’s mood seemed to improved little by little, although it wasn’t exactly where Asher wanted it to be, he was still thankful that Y/N was trying her best. The couple had just decided to lounge around Asher’s place, listening to slow music and enjoying each other’s company while Y/N opened up to her boyfriend a little bit more about what had been going on with the depression. He was extremely proud of her for finally opening up to him about her situation and he was grateful that she trusted him enough to come to him so he could support her. The couple was currently dancing around his kitchen, being natural and goofy like they always were.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I invited JJ, Spencer and Jordan over to hang out with us for a little bit later on tonight … if you don’t want them coming I can tell them not to,” Asher mentioned while he and Y/N were cooking dinner. Demon #4: returning to socialization with your friends after you have a depressive breakdown. Although this made Y/N nervous, she knew that it was something that had to be done in order to get her back on the right track with her mental health; she nodded her head and pulled her boyfriend in for a loving kiss, when they head the doorbell ring.

“Speak of the devils,” Y/N joked with a smile. Asher reciprocated the smile as he went to the door to greet his 3 best friends. Obviously JJ pulled her in for a friendly hug and made some kind of joke about how he feels like he hasn’t seen her in a while, not knowing the real reason; mind you, Y/N wasn’t ready for anyone else except for her family and Asher to know what was happening. The boys had skipped along into the kitchen and sat down, however, Jordan stayed behind and had a proud look on his face.

“I’m glad this happened Y/N. I’m proud of you for being honest with Asher about what was going on and you know we’re all going to be here with you when you battle this disease again … no matter how many times your depression comes back, we’re here for you,” Jordan said in a small voice so no one else would hear their conversation. She gave her brother a hug, muttering a quick ‘thank you’ and letting a couple of tears fall from her eyes. She gave him a smile as she pulled away and quickly wiped away her tears, taking a deep breath, and joining the boys at the table outside.

As Y/N laughed at one of the lousy jokes JJ made, Asher couldn’t take his eyes off her and was genuinely happy to see her laughing and having a good time, even though he knew that this boost in energy and confidence wouldn’t last all that long; he was just happy that in that moment, she was truly enjoying herself. He knew that helping her battle her depression was going to be an uphill battle and he knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he was planning on sticking to his word and staying by her side through this fight. He knew that his life wouldn’t be the same without her and all he wanted was for her to be better so they could move on to the next chapter of their lives together. All he wanted to do was help her beat this because he loved her, and he would do anything to prove to her that he was here to stay, no matter what it took.

[tuiccim]

TikTok Trend: #ItsSettled

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 1653

Warnings: Angst, language

Summary: Work at Anvil yields results and dangerous temptation.

A/N: Divider by @whimsicalrogers

TikTok Trend Series Masterlist

You sit across from Billy in his office and prop your feet on his desk while giving him a shit eating grin. 

“So, what’s this offer, Mr. Russo?” 

“Consulting on an as needed basis for training, security, so on.” Billy’s dark eyes stare into your own. 

Despite feeling insulted, you keep your expression benign. You had expected a job offer and had planned to counter with consulting. “I told you, my consulting fee is hefty.”

“That’s not a problem. Plus, I don’t think it's the right time for you to be leaving the Avengers and I think you feel the same.” 

“Mind reader now, are we?” You smirk.

“Not usually. There are so many things going on here and with the Avengers. I think you’d like to keep a finger in both pies for the time being.” Billy returns your smirk. 

“I don’t fuck my employers. Mixing business and pleasure only causes trouble.” You counter. 

“That’s disappointing but, as much as I’d like to take you to bed, you’re worth more to me as an asset.”

“Then it’s settled.” You stand and shake Billy’s hand. This was going to be fun. 

--

A few weeks into your consulting position and you had already improved several of Anvil’s procedures. Billy was quite pleased with your progress. You had earned his trust, proven your loyalty, and was now a trusted member of his team. He had fed your disdain for Steve and Tony, as well as the entire situation with Bucky. He hated the Avengers and was glad to bring you into the fold. 

Finished with running a training exercise that day, you had just dismissed the team you were working with when you felt a breath fan across your neck. 

“Watching you take down men twice your size almost makes me regret employing you.” Billy says. He often flirts this way. 

You lean back into him and look over your shoulder, “But then your business wouldn’t be running so damn smooth.”

“And my cock wouldn’t be so achingly hard all the time.” Billy whispers in your ear. 

“Mmmm,” you release a small moan and rub your hips against him, “then may I suggest a cold shower?” You laugh as you pull away and finish stowing gear. 

“Fucking tease.” Billy chuckles. 

“Absolutely.” You smile as you unzip your tac suit just enough to give a peek of your breasts. 

“I have a job for you.” Billy’s voice is gravelly. 

“What would that be?” You hop up on a crate to sit. Billy immediately positions himself between your legs and cages you with his arms. 

“I need some intel.” Billy states while bringing his lips to your neck. 

“On?” You lean your head to give him access. 

“Carl Creel.” 

“And who is he?” You whisper as Billy’s lips travel up and down your neck as he speaks. 

“A bad guy. I just need some info on him. Stark and SHIELD have dealt with him in the past. I believe Stark even ran some tests on his abilities.” Billy’s teeth scrape against your skin deliciously. 

“And how, mmmm, how am I supposed to get that to you? Everything is encrypted and shielded from leaving the Tower.”

“Put it on this thumb drive and hand it off to Benjamin Poindexter in R&D. He works for Stark and can get it out of the building undetected.” Billy says. 

You pull back and look at Billy, “Will it piss Tony off if you apprehend this guy?”

“Immensely.” 

“Consider it done.” You grin. 

--

You head to a meeting with the Avengers team, but when you get to the meeting room, a different one than normal, the door is locked. 

“No electronics. All devices must be checked.” FRIDAY announces. A drawer pops out of the wall. You place your phone and tablet in it and turn expectantly to the console. “Your watch also, Agent.” Friday pronounces. You roll your eyes before removing the watch and dropping it in as well. The door buzzes and you are finally allowed entry. 

“Good, we’re all here.” Steve says from inside the room. 

“What is this room?” You ask as you look around at Tony, Steve, Natasha, Bucky, Sharon, Sam, and Artie. 

“It’s entirely shielded. Nothing electronic can get in or out. No cameras, no audio, nothing.” Tony smirks. “Since we know who our mole is now we can’t have this meeting in the conference room.” 

“So, we can say or do anything in here without it getting out?” You ask to be sure.

“Exactly.” Tony says. “We need to make plans.”

“Yeah, yeah. One minute.” You say as you walk to Bucky. Jumping into his arms, you crash your lips into his.

Bucky’s chest rumbles with a chuckle and once you pull back he grins, saying “Hi Doll.”

“Hey baby.” You whisper against his lips. 

Steve clears his throat loudly causing you and Bucky to laugh. 

“Shut it, Punk. We haven’t been able to even be in the same room for weeks. Give us two minutes.” Bucky grouses at his best friend. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry.” Steve says. 

“I still don’t think the two of you dating is the best idea.” Artie pipes in. You and Bucky both flip him off while sharing another kiss. 

When you finally separate, you turn to Sharon, “Hey, friend, how are you doing?”

“Good. Been dating a really sweet guy, but I think he’s interested in someone else.” Sharon winks at you. 

“Thanks for doing this. I know the publicity wasn’t really what you wanted.” You say. 

“Just one of those things. I don't mind you owing me a favor.” Sharon smirks. 

“Actually, the polling on you two dating is extremely favorable, Agent Carter.” Artie announces. 

“Artie, shut up.” Steve says as he puts an arm around Sharon. “Hi Beautiful.”

“Hi.” Sharon whispers sweetly to Steve. 

Artie groans, “Oh, this is going to be a nightmare.”

You laugh, “No wonder you weren’t so keen when I suggested Sharon date Bucky, Captain.”

Steve looks at you with a little pink tinging his cheeks and shrugs. 

You remember the meeting that started this all:

“How bad is this?” Bucky asks. 

“I don’t-” your phone ringing cuts you off. Looking down at it, the dreaded name appears, Tony Stark. You look at Bucky as you bring the phone to your ear. “Tony?”

“Both of you, conference room, now!” Tony demands before hanging up abruptly. 

“It’s bad. Conference room.” As you make your way to the door, Bucky interlaces his hand with yours, pulls you back for one last kiss, and then leads you out. As soon as the conference room door closes, you eye Tony and Artie Pithins, Director of Public Relations. 

Artie looks disdainfully at your joined hands and says, “This ends now.”

“Cam down, Artie. I know this looks bad but we can fix it.” You say. 

“Friday, black out mode. You’re supposed to be single. We needed to release the story and make you look bad for this to work.” Tony throws at you. 

“This can work out to be even better. Hear me out.” You insist. 

“Doll, what the hell is going on? What are you talking about?” Bucy says.

“A mission.” You say.

“We believe we may have a mole and very few people know the specifics of this mission.” Artie says with arms crossed. 

“And why would you be in on it?” Bucky asks Artie.

“Necessary optics for it.” Steve says as he enters the room. 

“Look, bare minimum, we believe there is a mole working for Billy Russo, owner of Anvil. I was supposed to have some bad PR leaked about me and make it look like I was on the outs with the team in order to get him to try to recruit me.” You turn to the rest of the group, “This can work out even better, I think. Instead of me causing trouble, I could be heartbroken. Hell hath no fury, right? It would make sense that I’d be willing to turn against the team over that and I throw in a few anecdotes about the tightass and the playboy running the team and I’ll have him.”

“Tightass?” Steve grouses.

Tony rolls his eyes at Steve before turning to you, “How does Bucky break your heart?” 

“That video will go viral,” Artie chimes in. “It’s bound to, with her popularity and people’s curiosity about Sergeant Barnes. But if, that same week, we see him out with another woman. Say, Natasha? It would play all over the tabloids.”

“Natasha won’t work, Artie. Everyone knows she’s my friend and they’ll see it as a publicity stunt. I think there is only one person that could raise the profile enough.” You look at Steve.

“No.” Steve shakes his head. 

“Sharon is perfect. A few dates, some PDA, and then an appearance at the party. It’ll be sold.” You argue. 

“I agree.” Artie says.

“Wait, you two actually agreed on something?” Tony looks between you and Artie, the animosity between the two of you well established. 

“First time for everything.” You say. 

“Why does it have to be Sharon?” Steve says again. 

“Because it’ll cause an uproar.” You nearly shout. 

“What is happening right now?” Bucky puts his head in his hands. 

You look at Bucky and cups his face, “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t tell you about this mission. It was very hush hush. I need to be single to get Billy’s attention. I’m his type and as the newest member of the team he’ll see me as being vulnerable to being turned.”

“This is bullshit.” Bucky says.

The next hour is spent making plans. Bucky is furious at the thought of you dating someone else, but understands the mission comes first. Everyone leaves the conference room worse for wear but with the mission intact.

Now that the mission is nearly complete, you look to your team.  “Well, now that we know who the mole is, how are we handling it?”

Part 6 

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[sunjaesol]

my sweet romantic teenage nights

juke | high school + diner au | title: scenes from an italian restaurant // billy joel

Magenta’s Palace was an artefact from the glorious American Dream; a fluorescent gem wrapped in that 60s architecture and old-fashioned uniforms. It was also the hang-out spot of most LF Arts students, right in the heart of Los Feliz and on most kids’ path.  

Luke used to roll his eyes at the place, thinking it was corny and certainly not the place a punk-rocker like him would go… until he tasted their gnarly waffles. And burgers. And milkshakes. His love for good food trumped his desire for street cred and ended up like the rest of his peers: a regular at MP.

Alex and Reggie never had qualms with it. The former was rather happy Luke got over himself and Reggie was simply pleased to spend more time with his friends. It became tradition to eat there every Friday after school. Sometimes they stayed until the early hours of the night talking, sometimes it was to fuel up before a gig.

Settling in their booth (theirs - Luke has made sure to carve the underside of the table with their names), Luke sighed contently. “Boys, this gig is gonna be fire.”

“I still don’t know how you convinced the guys at Raven’s Nest,” Alex mused, glancing around for a waitress in a candycane-coloured uniform.

Reggie nodded gravely. “Yeah, they’re scary.”

“Used my charm,” he smirked. “Dialled it up like I always do.”

The blonde snorted. “Sure.”

Luke’s face crashed. “Fine. I used our fake’s when he didn’t believe we were eighteen.”

His friends grinned, Alex snapping his fingers. “There it is.”

The chipper Nora glided towards them, slaloming between tables with her notebook. Alex’ remark didn’t bother him, crossing his arms with a shrug. “Does it matter? I got us in. They’re gonna love us. Nay! They’re gonna eat this set up!”

“You better be right - hi, Nora - cause it’s a bar for bikers. Real ass bikers,” Alex replied, shooting Nora a smile.

“Hello, boys,” she greeted, her signature red hair tied in a messy bun. Reg used to have a crush on her when they first visited, until they realised she was twenty-three and in a committed relationship with a guy from USC studying medicine. Yeah, he had no shot. Luke had to console him by buying five chocolate shakes and blasting Elvis Presley in the car.

Despite this, Reggie still had a soft spot for her, smiling kindly at the waitress. “Our usual, please.”

The notebook got tucked in her apron with a bright nod. “Coming right up!”

As Nora swiftly returned behind the glossy bartop, parlaying the order to the kitchen, the entrance opened. The bell above chimed, three girls appearing beneath it.

Oh, shit.

When Luke enrolled into LF Arts as a green fourteen year old, he had planned to only focus on music and nothing else. He’d blaze through his classes and become the best in music and then, with his obsessive nature at a peak, would launch the band into the next stratosphere. That was the plan. Music, music, music. (And food from Magenta’s.)

Fourteen year old Luke wasn’t aware girls like Julie Molina existed though. That changed on the first day. She came to the front of the class, blew everyone away with a Taylor Swift cover and shot a toothy smile when she finished - like it was nothing. Like she didn’t have the voice of the century. (Like she wouldn’t mess with Luke’s plans of becoming the best, damn it!) Though his initial reaction was envy, he quickly realised it was rather a disgruntled crush than actual dismay.

She was cute. Still cute. After every summer break, he expected her to be less pretty so that his nerves could calm down for once. Nope. Julie Molina was pretty as hell.

He has never seen her here on Friday’s. Why now? Why now when they were mentally preparing themselves for a gig that could get them their asses kicked if they didn’t perform well? Luke needed to focus! Not think about where she’d sit and what she’d talk about and what she was going to eat.

His eyes tracked as Julie, Flynn and Kayla were in busy conversation, barely aware of their surroundings. Her head rolled back in a laugh at something Flynn said, eyes shut in glee. Luke flushed red, averting his gaze to the scratched up table. His friends were snickering, Alex muttering a ‘Jesus…’ under his breath.

Luke snapped his arm. “Stop being a dick.”

“Why don’t you just ask her out?”, Reggie pondered, absentmindedly making origami with the thin napkins.

“I think he needs to talk to her first to do that,” Alex teased before Luke could respond, earning another glare.

It wasn’t like he and Julie never spoke. They were seniors, they had multiple classes together and spent many hours cooped in the same music classroom. He was even part of her group project in junior year! They’ve talked! But it never lead to anything, his lingering stares falling for her oblivious profile, her never once looking back at him.

The connection Luke always craved hasn’t been there, though he always felt like they could have that. Musical spirits were alike, right? At least his crush wasn’t as hopeless as Reggie’s on Nora.

The girls chose a booth right next to theirs, Julie in his direct line of sight. Alex was buzzing in his seat from stifled laughter, visibly trying to not turn his head and address them. The guitarist felt like dying, not even the steaming plates of burgers set in front of them enough to lift his mood.

Luke leaned forward, voice a hiss. “I can talk to her. I just… haven’t felt the need to.”

Reggie patted his shoulder sympathetically. “It’s okay, buddy. You don’t have to lie to us.”

Frustration began simmering his skin, the scowl deepening. He wasn’t lying! Maybe a little! He’s been waiting for the right time to approach her, say and do the right thing to sweep her off her feet like the fucking rockstar he was. Had he been preparing his lines since he was fourteen? Also maybe. They were being revised.

Alex often told him he shouldn’t put Julie on a pedestal. That she was just a girl. It made him wonder if he was the only one that first day of high school that felt it. That awestruck whooping in his chest from seeing her curls dance around her almond eyes and hear how each lyric was laced with a passionate smile. Even at fourteen was he aware of how special that was. Julie wasn’t just a girl. She was the coolest girl he’s ever met and he didn’t even know her that well. He couldn’t imagine actually becoming friends with her, uncovering all facets of her personality and not get overwhelmed by her Julie-ness.

Huh. His crush went deeper than he thought. Yikes.

At the end of the day, Luke could admit that he was simply a teenage boy nervous to talk to a girl. ‘Nervous’ was like a curse word to him though, that admission a secret he’d take with him to the grave.

“Eh,” Alex quipped, egging him on. “Luke’s a terrible liar. He doesn’t have to tell us for us to know it’s true.”    

His hands slammed down on the table, words spouting from his lips. “Girls! Can we get your napkin dispenser?!”

Fucking fantastic, Luke.

All three perked up in surprise, Flynn twisting in her booth to curl her nose and tilt her head. “Why?”

“It’s empty,” he bluffed.

Kayla craned her neck and instantly caught Reggie’s handiwork scattered across the table. “No, it’s not.”

Julie sat next to her, blinking in confusion. “Why do you need our napkins?”

Her smooth voice directed right at him caused a thrill up his spine, a grin involuntarily tugging on his lips. “Cause Reggie needs them for his crafts.” Playing along, the bassist lifted a janky frog with a wink. “I’m very dedicated.”

She matched Luke’s smile, amused. It was the most interaction he has had with her in months, the utter euphoria of it all bursting at the seams. Propelled by her smile, he slid out the booth and into Alex’ side, throwing his arms over the seat right next to Flynn’s head. The girl remained deeply unimpressed by him, gaze flicking past his physique. Damn. If he ever wanted to get anywhere with Julie, he had to get in Flynn’s good grazes. Kayla seemed chill though.

“What’s with the frown, Felicity?”, he joked.

Kayla giggled at the mention of Flynn’s actual name, the girl in question rolling her eyes. “All I’m wondering is why you have to bother us about napkins, Lukas.”

“Flynn,” Julie shook her head with an exasperated grin, “maybe wait for your strawberry shake? I think you’re being hangry.”

Her friend loosened up, sinking back in her seat with a playful pout and mumbling a resigned ‘fine.’

Luke took that as his sign to continue. His gaze fell back on Julie, hoping he wouldn’t sound too eager. “You guys come here a lot? I haven’t seen you here on Friday’s.”

“Who’re you asking?”, Julie asked, looking between her and Kayla. Oh, man. Small talk really wasn’t his forte. He couldn’t charm himself out of this one with music jargon or fake IDs.

His smile turned stressed, flailing his hand around. “Uh, all of you.”

“Sure,” Flynn snorted.

Alex slapped a hand on his mouth at her retort, almost in pain of not laughing his ass off. The prize of ‘Worst Friends Ever’ went to Luke’s - for fuck’s sake, couldn’t the drummer at least try and help him out?!

“Just wanted to celebrate Kayla’s good mark on her new song,” Julie continued, wilfully ignoring the other’s behaviour. Slinging an arm around her friend, she shot her a bright smile. “Her bridge was amazing, right?”  

All three boys nodded fervently as Kayla ducked her head bashfully, murmuring a ‘thank you’ and then relieved from all the attention when Nora walked up to them. Luke’s body didn’t twist to sit normally again, too invested in finally speaking to them, finally having that contact, that he didn’t even care if he seemed like a weirdo. Julie and him! Conversing!

“Speaking of music,” he casually uttered when Nora was off again. His signature smirk crawled on his lips. “We’re playing a gig tonight.”

This peaked Flynn’s interest. Perhaps the prospect of food made her more amicable. “Where?”

“Raven’s Nest,” Reggie proudly proclaimed.

Kayla frowned, worried. “Isn’t that the bar with all the bikes outside?”

“Thank you!”, Alex exclaimed with a sigh. “It’s insane!”

“It’s not,” Luke bit back. If Sunset Curve wanted to make it big, they had to play big! Gigs like these would get them on the stages they dreamed of. Soon, it was goodbye, Raven’s Nest and hello, The Orpheum! “Real Californians go there to hear real fucking music.”

To his surprise, Julie hummed in agreement. “My dad says it used to be where the subculture kids hung out before MP got cool.”

“Yes!” His grin was huge now, overflowing with joy. This was enough adrenaline to get him through three gigs at once! His finger pressed into the cracked leather. “Exactly! And we’re gonna slay it. You should come watch!”

The latter blurted out without wanting to, his eyes growing wide in panic as Reggie and Alex stilled in their seats and Flynn peered up at him with laser-focus. Shit. Was he telling on himself? Did she pierce through the charisma that this was just a poor attempt at flirting? God, he really should’ve prepared his speech for impulsive moments like these.

Luke still needed to endure some growing pains before he got good at flirting.

Julie chuckled, a hint of red appearing on her cheekbones. It enthralled him. Was she embarrassed or flattered? “Uh,” she bit her lip, “I don’t know if I can get in. Don’t you have to be eighteen?”

He raised his brow. “C’mon, you don’t have a fake?” At those words, Alex dropped his head on the table with a thud. Luke had enough of his own shit too. ‘Mortified’ didn’t even come close to how he felt about his blabbering mouth.  

Levelling his challenged look, however, he realised he wasn’t lost quite yet. Julie’s eyes glittered with mischief. “I do, actually.”

Breath caught in his throat. Yup. Coolest fucking girl in the universe. Julie Molina had a killer voice and a fake ID and probably did a whole lot of other dope stuff he hadn’t found out yet.

“Julie,” Flynn but in. “It’s a biker bar.”

“Where our classmates are playing,” she argued. “I can always try.”

“You’ll die.”

“I think I’ll be fine. Like Luke said-” No. She could not say his name and expect him to keep his cool. His fingers gripped the conjoined couch tighter. “-everyone’s there for the music.”

A careful smile slowly grew on Kayla. “We can tell your dad you’re with us.”

Flynn gaped at her. “We-?! I- okay.” Lifting her hands in surrender, she added: “Fine, we’ll tell Ray you’re at the movies with us.”

Wait, was Julie turning down a movie night with her friends to see him play? Did that mean something? Has he been so focused on trying to find or create a ‘vibe’ that he forgot to actually look for signs of her own? Damn. Now he really couldn’t screw this set up. Sunset Curve was gonna play until their hands bled, hopefully impressing her just a little bit.

It was settled then. After both groups had eaten, Julie separated from hers and joined them on their trek to Raven’s Nest. She was mostly talking to Reggie behind Alex and Luke, animatedly recounting a story about Carlos nearly crashing his drone in her keyboard. Jitters began to tingle his skin, that building excitement right before a gig mixing with Julie’s presence. It felt like one of his dreams materialised out of thin air.

How many times has he dreamt about catching her eye in the crowd as he crooned love songs he never dared to write? Granted, those dreams were centered in a hazier setting, Raven’s Nest quite unromantic opposed to that, but he would take what he got.

(And after, they’d worm their way through the masses of people, meeting halfway, and she’d sling her arms around his neck and he’d pull her into a kiss and it’d be electric. She’d kiss like she sang. It was a recurring dream that left him in a good mood for hours.)

Without much hesitance, the bouncer let Julie in. Luke, unable to keep his giddiness at bay, squeezed her shoulder as a dazzling beam was glued to his cheeks. Julie got in! Julie was going to see him play!

Raven’s Nest was expectedly filled with bearded, burly men. It reeked of beer and strong liquor, raucous chatter spilling from ever corner. They all probably looked like babies in comparison to these dudes, but he supposed his unfaltering confidence made up for it. Luke would get his boys (and Julie) through this. The stage was already prepared for them, amps and mics set up, Alex’ drums waiting in Reggie’s van behind the establishment.

“I’ve seen you play before, you know,” Julie mumbled beside him.

His heart soared without trying, its rate going a mile a minute as his jaw fell slack. All his nerves intensified till a blush crept on his cheeks. “You- you have?”

Her curious eyes flitted from the people to him, sheepish. “Yeah. At Ecliptica. You guys were good.”

A clammy hand raked the ends of his hair. Holy fucking shit. “You sounded like you never heard us before.”

“I didn’t want to seem like a fangirl, or something.” A secretive smile formed on her lips as she leaned into his side. “You know how school is. Everyone trying to be the best, but then act super casual about it?” Her eyes sparked in the yellow lighting, too close for him to think straight. “I didn’t want it to inflate you guys’ egos.”

Luke sputtered out a disbelieving laugh. “You’re doing it right now, Julie.”

“Then you better kill it,” she teased, nodding at Alex and Reggie hauling the drums onstage from the back door. “I think that’s your cue.”

There were two things he thought of right as he ascended the stage.

One, Julie was fat better at this whole back and forth than he was.

Two, he had to direct at least one song to her from their thirty minute set. Just one. Just so that his feelings might come across. Where words ended, music bled from his soul instead.

And so, the band exploded into what they knew best: burning the fucking house down.

So we’re taking the long way home 'Cause I don’t wanna be wasting my time alone I wanna get lost and drive forever with you Talking 'bout nothing, yeah, whatever, baby So we’re taking the long way home tonight We're taking the long way home

The giggly teenagers ended back in the diner after the incredible gig, shouting from the adrenaline and jostling arms to get points across. Even Julie joined in, much to his delight, tucked between him and the wall as she had a heated debate with an excited Reggie - harmonies versus basslines. Lemonades filled in condensed glasses gave them sticky fingers, hers once pushing his chin away when he told a particularly dumb joke and leaving an imprint. Luke was on fucking cloud nine.    

Taking the upper hand in the debate, Julie sang a bit of one of their songs (“Let's seize the day, let's run away, don't let the colours fade to grey!”) with all the tricks in the book, silencing Reggie just like that. Alex high fived Julie, the bassist admitting she won this time. Deeply relishing the sound of her singing voice, Luke barely caught what she was saying after.

“This time?”, she laughed. “There’s another time?”

“Why not?” Reggie wiggled his brows, unsubtle as hell when he shot Luke a wink. “Diner Friendship Memories Still To Be Made!”

Alex blinked. “What?”

Her eyes tracked past the boys, the smile turning more timid. It settled on Luke, the boy unable and unwilling to look away. He wanted this night to never end. Clasping her lemonade, she nodded firmly, as if signing Reggie’s silly Friendship Contract.

“Yeah… why not.”

Magenta’s Palace became Luke favourite place in the entire world. Every Friday, Julie joined the boys at their booth, sometimes Kayla and Flynn too. Huddled in those red leather seats with mountains of fries, they shared the first slivers of newfound friendship. Luke has always been very cautious about who he let in his circle (Sunset Curve against The World), but six people in a booth felt cosy rather than suffocating. Like it was always to be like this.

Reggie found an equally enthusiastic jazz lover in Kayla. Alex confided with Flynn that he followed her playlists on Spotify and was obsessed with her DJ skills.  

Luke and Julie created their own bubble without trying to.

It was weird. Maybe Alex was right and Luke did put her on a pedestal for so long. Julie was genuinely chill and easy to talk to, probably turned off by him before cause he had been acting like a blubbering idiot. Simply being himself was, surprisingly, more than enough for her. It lit a fire inside of him. Snarky banter about music that challenged him to keep up, overt flirting from him that kept her blushing, sudden ideas about lyrics that threw either for a loop. He wouldn’t admit it at first, but she made him a better songwriter.

Who knew his best songs would be found on stained paper napkins?  

One Friday night, long past midnight, the group stood outside as they bid each other a good weekend. Bathed in the pink glow of the LED lights, Luke felt it in his gut. He had to tell her. These past weeks his feelings had only grown tenfold, this incessant buzz rippling every atom of his body whenever she was close. Whenever she smiled, talked, sang. Stealing his beanie, eating his fries, sharing AirPods. Luke loved it all.  

It was a lot more than a simple crush.  

After Julie hugged Alex, Luke grabbed her into a tight hug. She instantly responded, wrapping her arms around his waist and burrowing herself in his red hoodie. His infatuated smile was hidden by her curls, so fucking happy he’d been impulsive enough to ask for a dispenser that day.

“Hey, Julie,” he whispered.

She looked up, eyes alight with an emotion that left his shivering. “Yeah?”

“Uh…” A smile trembled on his lips, unsure whether he wanted to drown in the pretty brown of her irises or continue talking. Now or never. “You wanna get breakfast tomorrow? With me?”

He didn’t have to live in the fear for long, a smile stretching across her cheeks as she shyly nodded. It was the first time he’d ever seen her this flustered, their hold on each other securing with quiet glee. Had he not been so mesmerised, the awestruck Luke would run a mile from the adrenaline rush.  

“Yeah,” she grinned, nose scrunched. “Sounds fun.”

They found themselves in the same spot the next day, the taste of syrupy pancakes melting with his as he kissed her on the parking lot of Magenta’s Palace. Julie’s lips curled into a smile and Luke figured there was no better feeling in the world then that.

(Yeah, he could get used to this.)

Saturday’s mornings had never been sweeter.  

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

@blush-and-books @willexx @bluefirewrites @unsaid-emily @ourstarscollided

[yikesharringrove]

Show Pony

Chapter 2: Legends Never Die

Read on Ao3

-

Billy was watching porn when Steve texted.

He’s never clicked out of a video so fucking fast in his life.

The message just read hey, this is steve :) which like, of course, the fucker uses little emoticons. Of course , he types out little smiley faces. It’s so dumb. It’s so cute.

And Billy just stared at it. One hand still on his dick, the other hovering over the keyboard.

What the fuck does he reply?

Obviously, Steve knows it’s Billy. Like. Duh.

So he just tapped out a little Hey.

Steve texted back almost immediately.

you have a good day? Billy found himself grinning maniacally, so he rolled over to hold his pillow close to his chest, burying his chin into it. He didn’t wanna deal with the fact that this stupid adorable cowboy was making him smile and flush. Stupid.

Yeah, it was nice. Way too hot, but nice.

lol try wearing jeans in that heat. sweatin through my damn saddle. Billy laughed into his pillow.

Jesus, you’re such a fuckin hick. Billy bit his tongue when he pressed send.

And Steve just sent back >:(. And God. He’s so cute. Billy. Hates him.

And then Billy’s phone buzzed twice, another brand new text from Steve.

One that made Billy’s heart fucking stop.

i have the day off tomorrow. no tiedown on the schedule. you should come by and we could hang

Which sounded like. A date. It sounded like a fucking date. And Billy wanted to ask. If Steve’s invitation was for a goddamn date.

But like, he can’t just ask. Can he? Is that weird? Okay, maybe he’ll just-

Should I bring Max?

Right? Like if Steve says to bring his little sister, then there’s no way it’s a date. Because, who would want their date to bring their little sister? People who are just hanging out as friends, that’s who.

was hoping it'd just be you and me

And hoo boy. Hoo boy. That’s. That’s a fucking. That’s a date.

Then yeah. Just you and me.

And Steve sent him another little :) because the fucker loves his emoticon smiley faces. They’re not even, like, actual emojis. Steve doesn’t take the time to use fucking apostrophes, but he does type out little faces.

And maybe Billy’s spending too much time thinking about the smiley little shits.

But, like. It’s just. It’s Steve. And it’s a cute fucking thing that Steve does.

Billy’s pretty much obsessed with him by now.

And maybe Billy should ask for, like, a time to meet. But he was halfway through a video and his cock’s still hard and kinda starting to ache, pressed against the mattress where it was. He rolled over, slid his hand back into his shorts, and wrapped his fingers around the base of himself.

So it’s easy just to, slide it up. Run his fingers along his length. Pretend his rough hand is Steve’s rough hand. Pretend the tight vice grip is Steve’s mouth. Hot and slick around him.

He could picture Steve, on his knees in the dirt, those tight fucking jeans beginning to stain at the knees, those big pretty eyes looking at him so reverently, so softly.

And he came all over his hand, pictured those pink pretty lips covered with cum. Imagined scooping it on his fingers, pressing them into Steve’s mouth, making him lick them clean.

It wasn’t even the most depraved fantasy Billy’s ever had. But it was for sure in his top five best orgasms. No doubt about it.

He wiped his hand on the sheets, turning onto his side, staring at the short little conversation with Steve.

Thinking about their fucking date tomorrow.

Max was on his ass the second he woke up.

She cornered him as he was coming out of the bathroom, making him startle and nearly smack her.

“The fuck you doing out here, Shitbrid?”

“What are we doing today?”

“ We aren’t doing shit all. I will be heading out. Soon.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, jutting her jaw in a way he absolutely knows she learned from him.

“Are you going to the rodeo?” she hissed through her teeth at him. “Are you going to see-”

“That’s none ‘a your fuckin’ business.” He pushed past her, lumbering down the hall, almost making it into his bedroom before she slipped inside with him, slapping his elbow and kicking the door closed.

“Are you going on a date ?”

Billy glared at her. He clenched his jaw, speaking through gritted teeth.

“Pretty sure we agreed not to fucking talk about this shit here.”

She pursed her lips, shifting her jaw.

“Just nod or shake your head.”

Billy kept his head very still.

She kicked him once in the shin before stomping out of his room, nearly slamming the door, catching it at the last minute, and closing it quietly.

Neil didn’t approve of doors slamming in his house.

It was rule number. Three probably. First rule was don’t be a smartass. Second rule was don’t be Billy. That was kind of an unspoken rule. But it was there.

And Billy was faced with his newest dilemma.

What does he wear?

Because it’s gonna be another hot fucking day, and his typical date outfits have more, more.

He’s got one clean pair of cut-offs left. Okay. Yes. And he puts on a printed button-up shirt. Leaves it almost all the way unbuttoned, because, like, of course, he does. He’s got a good body. He wants Steve to see it.

He’ll be mostly cool, and he looks better than he did last time he saw Steve.

Black Converse complete the look, and he maybe spends more time than he usually would putting his hair into a ponytail, using one of Max’s bright scrunchies.

She’ll get pissed if she notices it but. Whatever. He steals them from her all the fucking time.

He hasn’t looked at his phone all morning, figured he could head over to the rodeo, and whenever Steve texted, he’d play it cool and act like he wasn’t already there.

But, cowboy hick Steve was obviously an early riser. As the most recent text Billy has is from that cowboy hick Steve. At six. In the morning.

you wanna meet up around ten?

It was currently just past nine.

Does Billy head up there now and wander around the grounds for a bit?

Yes. Yes, he does. Because frankly, he looks gay as fuck in this outfit and he should probably dip before his dad sees.

He sends Steve a thumbs up and the three dots show up almost immediately, showing Steve typing.

you got a car right? can you pick me up outside of the parking lot? i gotta get outta here

And Fuck. Billy knows that feeling.

No problem. You wanna get breakfast? I know a good diner if you’re into that kinda thing.

hell yeah im into that :)

Ah, yes. There was that little happy face just in time to give Billy lots of nice heart palpitations.

Great. That’s what he needs. To get sappy and gross over Steve’s emoticons. Again.

He slipped out of his house without interference, taking a lap around the block just to kill time before setting off to the fairgrounds.

He was trying to make his car look presentable, shoving the few gum wrappers Max left by the gear shift into his pocket, brushing off any stray cigarette ash with one of the baby wipes in the glove box.

And by the time he reached the fairgrounds, he saw Steve skulking along the front of the parking lot, hopping over cracks in the sidewalk like the cutest little bunny.

It was the most adorable thing in the fucking world.

Billy pulled up next to him, blaring the horn and watching Steve startle at the sound.

He was wearing cut-off denim shorts like Billy’s, and a goddamn crop top. It had the silhouette of a horse on its hind legs, its mane flowing in the wind behind it, and Harrington American Rodeo brandished across his chest. It was cut just at his waistline, where his body nipped in right above his hips.

Steve smiled his pretty smile at Billy, just about skipping around the front of the car to slide into the passenger seat.

And Billy tried not to think about how fucking good Steve looked in the passenger seat of his car, those long fucking legs all on display, his thighs, thick and pale, covered in dark hair.

“Hi,” Steve was leaning with one elbow on the center console, putting himself in Billy’s space, and Billy was thankful for his dark aviator sunglasses, as his eyes went wide and probably panicked with Steve moving in so close.

Because if Steve was leaning in to kiss him, that kinda feels like a lot. And Billy’s not a prude, not by any means but he's, he’s got lines, and rules, and-

Steve just knocked his head into Billy’s shoulder, leaning back to buckle his seatbelt, like headbutting Billy’s shoulder was casual and normal.

And fuck.

Billy’s in so deep for this guy he barely fucking knows.

All he could do was push the car forward, and will away the flush on his cheeks. And pretend like he hadn’t jerked off to the person sitting next to him less than twelve hours ago.

“So. Billy. Tell me about yourself.” Steve shifted in his seat, turning to look right at Billy. “All I know is that you’ve got a kid sister, a cool car, and that you’re really hot.”

Billy smirked, turning to look at Steve over his glasses, found Steve biting his bottom lip demurely.

“Well, there’s not much else to know .”

“Oh, come on. Where are you from? How old are you? Shit, probably shoulda asked that sooner. Please, tell me you’re not fifteen or something.”

“I’m literally driving, right now. And relax, Pretty Boy. I’m eighteen next month.”

“Okay. Okay, good. I’m eighteen, by the way. Just so you know, that I’m not fifteen.” Billy shook his head, rolling his eyes with a smile. “But I still want answers to the other questions.”

“Well, I’m from here. Born and raised in San Diego. Uh, I graduated high school in May. And I work at the diner I’m about to take you to, which might be the lamest shit in the world, but they have good pancakes.”

“I like pancakes.” Steve was fiddling with some of the knobs in the car, turning the air conditioner up and down. Billy was just resisting slapping his hand away.

And then he reached for the volume knob on the radio, turning up the Ratt Billy had playing, and audibly scoffed.

“God, I should’ve known you liked this .”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“Just, you know. Sex charged drug-fueled hair metal.”

“Oh my God. What in the fuck ?” He gave Steve as incredulous a look as he could muster. “Are you a housewife from the fifties?”

Steve gave one of his excellent bright laughs at Billy, and Billy’s gut got a little bit gay and a little bit fluttery.

“Alright, Stevie. I’ll bite. What kinda music are you into? And if you say country I’m blowing my fuckin’ brains out.”

“Well, unfortunate then because, yeah. Fuckin’ country, man. Although, I prefer folk.”

“See, you call my music sex-charged and drug-fueled, at least I’m not listening to posers rant about their tractors.”

“Oh, no. I hate that shit as much as you do. I mean like, Johnny Cash. Willie Nelson, you know? Emmylou Harris, Marty Robbins, Miss Dolly. The good stuff. There’s like, a few modern artists that are doing the same kinda thing that I like. It’s all just stories and good music.”

“That’s all my music is. Stories set to music. And, you say my shit is drug-fueled, you do know that Willie Nelson is famous for being a stoner? And that Johnny Cash publicly dealt with addiction and all that?”

“Well, yeah, but they’ve got class.”

“Okay, Cowboy. I’ll let you die on that fuckin’ hill while I party it up on mine to some eighties metal.”

And Steve reached out to shove Billy lightly, laughing while he did it.

“Agree to fucking disagree then. Just take me to pancakes and don’t try to reason with me about shitty music.”

“Then change the subject. Tell me other things about you besides your terrible music taste.”

Steve leaned back in his seat, blowing out a puff of air.

“Uh, I mean. Jeez. I don’t do much besides the rodeo, you know? Just movin’ all over the country.”

“That must be. Exhausting.”

Steve reached out to brush his fingers against the dashboard mindlessly.

“It’s not so bad. I try to make friends in the towns, you know? Makes it kinda fun.”

“Where were you born?”

“Indiana. Really small town. My mom and I stayed there for three years while my father traveled around. I’ve been on the road since.”

“Holy shit. Since you were three? Did you, like, go to school?”

“No. Uh, I actually have a tutor that’s on the road with us, and I’m. You know. Supposed to get my high school diploma soon. I’m behind schedule since,” he waved his hand flippantly. He was staring at his lap, playing with the frayed hem of his shorts. And Billy was grasping for another subject as Steve’s cheeks went red. Because obviously school, had struck a nerve.

“What kinda horse is June?”

“She’s an American quarter horse. That’s the usual type for most rodeo events. They’re good ranch horses because they’re a little more compact. I’ve been with June for five years now, and she’s a beast. I’ve got two others with me, on rotation so that none of them get too tired doing the shows over and over. June, Patsy, and Loretta. They’re all quarter horses, and each one is only about fourteen and a half hands tall. I like my horses a bit smaller for tie-down.”

“I understood, honestly, like, nothing of what you just said.”

Steve tossed his head back, laughing loudly over the radio at Billy’s confusion.

He laughed a lot.

Billy liked it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll teach you rodeo slang. You’ll be a natural,” Steve said, reaching out to where Billy’s right hand was resting on the gearshift, wrapping his finger’s around Billy’s wrist.

“What about their names?”

“All ladies of country. Loretta Lynn, Patsy Cline, and June Carter. Carter-Cash, I guess. She married Johnny but had a career in her own right.”

“Jesus, you’re a fuckin’ hick.”

“You’ve said that before. Just because I’m in the rodeo-”

“No, it’s because you’re in the rodeo, and listen to country music, and wear fucking cowboy boots -”

“They are literally made for riding horses, okay? That’s why they were invented .”

Billy rolled his eyes again, but he was smiling brightly as he pulled into the diner parking lot.

It wasn’t too busy for a Sunday morning. Billy bets it’ll pick up in an hour or so for the brunch crowd.

He began working at the diner three years ago, bussing tables and washing dishes, getting paid under the table because technically, he was too young to work. He was a server now, usually taking the evening dinner shifts to miss that time when his dad was home from work.

The bell jingled above their heads as Billy held the door open for Steve, and Billy stuck his tongue out at the kitchen staff, leaning over the counter to swipe a few menus from the stack.

He led Steve to a booth in the back corner, waving at Lorraine, the older woman who was working their section, gesturing to the booth for Steve to take a seat.

“Wow. You’ve totally got this place on lock.”

Billy grinned at him, leaning against the wall to stretch his legs up on the booth next to him.

“I’ve worked here a few years. Kinda done all the staff positions. It’s a nice place.”

“Well, then what do you recommend?” Steve carefully opened the laminated menu, his big eyes flicking over the pictures on the side of every dish.

“Pancakes are good, so are the waffles though, if you’re into that. I like the full breakfast. Eggs, bacon or sausage, hash browns, pancakes, or toast. Kinda the best of everything.”

Steve snapped his menu shut, smiling softly at Billy.

“I’m trusting you with my breakfast here. It better be good .”

Lorraine approached their table, already pouring Billy a cup of coffee and sliding it to him along the table.

“You really love us that much you find your way in here on your day off?”

“Only you, Lorraine. Everybody else can fuck off for all I care.”

She shook her head, rolling her eyes at Billy.

“You want the usual cook-up?”

“Yes, please.”

She took his unopened menu, turning and smiling brightly at Steve.

“What can I get for you, Darling.”

Steve’s eyes were wide when he looked up at her, his cheeks starting to flush.

“Uh, just, the same as Billy, please.”

“You want a coffee?”

“No, Ma’am. Just a water for me please.” He handed his menu back, giving her a bright smile, his cheeks a soft rosy red.

Lorraine winked at Billy, nodding her head once in Steve’s general direction. Billy waved her off before she could say something embarrassing.

“Sorry, I get kinda weird sometimes.” Steve had pulled a napkin out of the dispenser on their table and was looking down at it, tearing off little chunks and rolling them into balls.

“That’s okay. Lorraine gets it. Plus, you were polite, and that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t be caught dead with you if you were an ass to servers.”

“Oh, God. My dad is such an ass when it comes to, really any staff. Like, servers, or, frankly, most of the people that work for him. Don’t even get me started on the animal carers. I mean, that’s probably the most important job at the whole rodeo, and he’s been trying to dock pay left, right, and fucking center.” Steve rolled his big eyes, huffing like Max.

“Wait, so your dad is like, the head of the whole operation?”

“My name is Steve Harrington,” and Steve pointed at his shirt, the name Harrington emblazoned over the horse.

“Oh damn. I thought that name was familiar when I saw the shirt. Figured I had just seen the rodeo name or something.”

“Nope. That’s me. A whole Harrington. My great-grandpa started the rodeo. He was, like, an actual ranch hand. Started one in the town we’re from. My grandpa was the one who got the idea to take it on the road. My dad came up through it like I did. He was in steer roping. And basically, his end goal is that I start running the whole show in a few years. Take over for him.”

“And, you don’t want to?”

“Nah. I don’t really have a brain for business. Don’t have a brain for much other than riding and tie-down, honestly. Don’t know the first thing about how to run a traveling rodeo.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Steve smiled at him, but his eyes seemed sad, and his smile was tight.

“You got plans for next year? College or anything?”

“Nah. I think college is, on the horizon, but I’m taking a gap year. Saving up to move out and pay for school and everything. Probably gonna go to community college to save some money. And then maybe grad school?”

“That’s smart, you know? Finding ways to save up. My dad is debating pushing college on me. Like, if I do run the business, there’s some shit I should know going into it, right? But I think he also sees that I’m way too dumb for college, and, like, I don’t need a degree to get hired. I’ll just,” Steve made an upwards sweeping gesture with his right hand. A gesture that Billy understood to vaguely mean nepotism.

“What would you rather do? If not run the thing.”

“I like tie-down, and I could feasibly do it for a long time. I could branch into other events, too, like steer roping and all that. Same idea as calf roping but a different animal. Literally. It’s a steer. But I’d be content just doing the events until I croak. I have absolutely no desire to rise through the ranks, or whatever.” Steve rolled his eyes, balling up the little napkin wads he had made into another napkin from the dispenser. Billy appreciated it. He’s had to clean up crap like that from this very floor. “I just love being around the rodeo. The animals and all the people. I don’t really wanna be anywhere else.”

“At least you have something you love. Like, you’d be happy to do that for the rest of your life, and not in an I’ve got nothing better to do way, but in an, I’m passionate about this way. A lot of people don’t really. Get that.” Billy included.

It’s not that he doesn’t have passions, it’s just that they’re not necessarily sustainable to him.

He knows he’s dangling by a thread with his father. Knows after his eighteenth birthday, he should be ready to be kicked out or asked to pay rent at any time. He needs a career that’ll get him some fucking money if he wants to get out and cut off his dad entirely. He can’t be forced to go crawling back to him because he wanted to self-publish his gay ass poetry that never took off or drum in a rock band that went nowhere.

To name a few.

“Yeah, I mean. Sometimes I think that I probably would’ve never set foot in a rodeo if I wasn’t literally born into one, so I kinda wonder who I’d be if this wasn’t everything I knew, but I still really love doing it, and it’s something that I’m actually good at, which speaks volumes.”

They were interrupted by Lorraine returning, placing two identical plates in front of them, a glass of water for Steve, and pulling hot sauce and ketchup out of her apron pocket.

“You two let me know if you need anything else.”

Steve beamed at her, thanking her softly and Billy’s heart fluttered like a stupid idiot.

They tucked in, Steve shoving food into his mouth until his cheeks were bulging, chewing aggressively. It made Billy laugh and nearly spew coffee all over the table.

“I figured you’d have better manners, being the heir to a rodeo dynasty or whatever.”

Steve pulled a face, showing Billy the chewed-up food in his mouth.

“How’s that for manners?”

It was actually fucking funny watching him try to swallow everything stuffed in his mouth.

“It’s borderline painful watching you eat.”

Billy laughed as Steve flicked a piece of scrambled egg at him. It landed on his shoulder. Billy slurped it right off his shirt.

“See! Now, who's the one with no table manners?”

“Still you, Sugar. Still you.”

Breakfast was, like, actually fun.

Not that Billy was expecting it to be shitty, but he wasn’t expecting it to be as carefree, as easy, as it was. He and Steve just, kinda, clicked.

Steve was easy to talk to. He was easy to listen to, easy to laugh with, and even easier to look at.

He’s kinda, everything Billy has ever wanted in a person.

He slid his hand into Billy’s as they were leaving the diner, smiling shyly at Billy when he looked over at him.

And Billy stopped in his tracks, right there in broad daylight, tugging Steve by his hand closer to Billy’s body, sliding his hands up his arms, feeling over Steve’s shoulders, and down his back to settle on his hips. Steve wrapped both arms around Billy’s shoulders, leaning closer to him, almost pressing his whole body against Billy’s.

And it was easy. Kissing Steve was just as easy as talking to him, as laughing with him, as looking at him. It was simple and nice and made Billy feel something he really didn’t want to put too much thought into.

Something that was decidedly not easy.

They pulled away from one another, both their lips red and slick.

Billy opened the passenger door, and Steve folded himself into the seat with a ridiculous amount of grace.

And as Billy drove them aimlessly through the city, he tried not to think of the expiration date on this whole thing, on the dates listed on the back of Steve’s t-shirt.

They’ve got a little under a month together.

And Billy was determined to make that the best goddamn month of both of their natural lives.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S3:E3; Chapter Three, The Case of The Missing Lifeguard - [Pt. 1]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

𝘌𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋&𝘋. 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦.

⚠️: more Billy/Mind Flayer shenanigans, more Y/n being Not Straight™️ and slight, whatever the huffy, whiney hell Hopper was during a majority of the season

📝: yall, idk how to describe hairstyles so I'm gonna clear it up now; the hairstyle Y/n is doing on El is the coil ponytail she wears at the end in That Scene™️ 🥲🚚👋📝🛣

Yes, I regret the whole "sisters" failsafe I put in specifically to stop myself. But as it turns out, no I cannot suppress the gay. So innocent, mutual pining ahead! 🥳🎉🌈

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

A pair of sock-covered feet bounce happily on the carpeted floor as Madonna's Angel blasts through the radio on the dresser. Max jumps back and forth on El's bedroom carpet, singing into the hairbrush she had found on the nightstand. Beside her, sitting on the bed is the girl herself, sporting her new colorful look; engrossed in a selection of teen magazines that are splayed out before her.

"You must be an angel,"

El bobs her head along with the tune, careful of Y/n's hand weaving through her hair from where she's kneeled behind her on the bed. She grins up at Max before going back to her work, her lips moving as she silently sings along.

"I can see it in your eyes,"

Y/n finishes the last coil behind El's left ear, and pulls it together with the other, merging her hair into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. After she tightens the bright blue scrunchie one last time, she mutters a defeated, "Alright. I tried," before she maneuvers around El across the mattress and allows herself to fall back on the right side of the bed, her head propped up on the rows of pillows. She grabs a magazine, boredly sifting through it while El delicately feels around the back of her head with a smile, admiring Y/n's work.

"Full of wonder and surprise,"

El's attention quickly returns to the magazine in her hands when she flips the page. She has to turn it sideways to see the whole thing. A young man, who El guessed to be just a little older than Steve, was smiling back at her.

Max's singing and dancing come to a slow when she notices El lingering on the page. With a chuckle, she discards the hairbrush from where she found it and kneels beside the bed.

"Oh, you found Ralph Macchio," Max simpers.

"Macchio?" El asks with a smile.

"Yeah," Max nods. "he's the Karate Kid,"

Both and El and Y/n jump when Max suddenly cuts the air in a mock karate chop and yells, "Hai-yah!"

They giggle and Y/n just rolls her eyes playfully. Particularly, at what comes next.

"He's so hot, right?" Max asks.

An amused grin glues itself to Y/n's face as her eyes peek out over the top of magazines to catch El's reaction. Y/n's smile spreads, buried under the pages when she sees El's face lit up in a blush.

"I bet he's an amazing kisser, too," Max says, drawing out a funny look in El's eyes. "Hey, uh,"

Y/n finds her eyes drawn to Max when she feels the old mattress dip a little under her weight. She notices a funny, almost intrigued look on her face.

"is Mike a good kisser?" She asks.

Y/n lets out an involuntarily "Blech!" At the question, discarding her magazine back to the pile with her nose scrunched up in disgust despite the smile still on her lips.

El laughs at Y/n, lightly shoving her knees that sat propped up above her as she shoots her a smile. "Not 'blech',"

Y/n has to readjust her head on the pillows to gawk up at El properly, a funny look hidden in her eyes.

"Wait, so is he like, actually," Y/n makes another face, failing to get through the sentence with a straight face. She laughs a little, putting a mocking tone in her voice. "'good' at kissing?"

El doesn't answer right away, much too confused with the direction this conversation had gone. She blushes again, giving her awaiting friends a bashful shrug.

"I don't know. He's my first boyfriend,"

Max is quick to correct her, but she does so gently. "Ex-boyfriend,"

El's face falls.

But Max is also quick to console her. She lands a gentle hand on El's shoulder, her voice going soft.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Okay?" El still doesn't seem too sure. "He'll come crawling back to you in no time, begging for forgiveness."

Y/n subconsciously fiddles with the ring pop still on her finger, a thin sheet of plastic still covering the candy diamond.

"I guarantee you, him and Lucas are, like, totally wallowing in self-pity and misery right now," Max's face scrunches up as she mocks the aforementioned exes. "They're like, 'Oh, I hope they take us back!'"

Y/n laughs, her left hand lightly smacking Max's arm, grabbing her attention.

"Yeah, but, Mike's probably more like," Max fights a sudden laugh when she catches the knowing look in Y/n's eyes. "'I hope they take us back! They have to—'"

Neither Max nor Y/n can fight the grin breaking out on both their faces as they finish in perfect sync.

-"take us back! Nyeh-nyeh-NYEH!"

Once again delightfully confused, El's stare travels between her newest best friend and her oldest; a warm feeling burrowing deep in her chest and gut, her stomach aflutter as she laughs with them.

"God, what I wouldn't give to see the look on their stupid faces," Max says, shaking her head wistfully.

El goes quiet, something neither of her friends miss.

"What is it?" Max asks.

That seems to snap everything into place, and Y/n props herself up on her hands. There's enough mischief in her eyes to match El's, and she quirks a brow.

"Wait. Are you serious?"

El only smirks, shrugging her shoulders.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Max asks, only to find herself under two impish stares.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

El sits cross-legged against her dresser, the radio switched to static sitting just above her head. In her hands is the multi-colored headband Y/n had gifted to her over the holidays when her hair started to fall in her face. They both knew it could also double as a comfortable, makeshift blindfold in case she ever found herself traveling to the void again.

As she prepared to do now.

She hooks the headband over her head, pulling it down over her eyes as Y/n and Max took a seat.

"Is this really gonna work?" Max asks excitedly from where she's perched on the edge of the bed.

El nods, and Max's face lights up in awe.

"Holy shit, this is insane-!"

"Max."

"Right, quiet. I'm sorry,"

Y/n chuckles up at her noiselessly, completely understanding the excitement of it all. Particularly, since she had never once witnessed El demonstrating these powers unless it had been necessary.

Then came the waiting part.

Y/n had forgotten about the waiting.

It was all they could do. Wait as they watch El draw in a deep breath, allowing her mind to reach out to the person it had most.

She feels the imaginary water at her feet first, as she always did. It didn't take her as long as it used to to fine-tune the distorted voices cutting in and out, much like what she found her radio to do sometimes. But she did it soon enough.

She's back in the void, for the first time in a long while.

Part of her was worried it would be harder without as much practice as she got last year, but it wasn't.

The image that lay ahead of her was clear, the voices even clearer.

"What did I do wrong? What could I have done wrong?"

Mike.

He was laying on the couch. The one from his basement. El recognized it immediately.

And he wasn't alone, that much she  had suspected.

"Do I have to go through this again?" Lucas asks, sounding tired.

He was pacing around the couch, rubbing his face. Will was with them, he was hovering over the small table she had sat at only years ago.

"I see them," El says.

Max lowers herself to the carpet, sitting next to Y/n who leans in curiously.

"What are they doing?" Y/n asks.

"Eating."

The crunch of Dorito chips Mike had shoved into his mouth was loud enough to echo out across the entire void. He continues through an obnoxious mouthful.

"I just don't understand what I did to deserve this,"

El has neared them now, and she turns her head curiously to Will when he scoffed. He looked frustrated, and he sounded it too. But El could tell he was trying to fight it for the sake of his friends' feelings.

"Look, it sucks that that happened," he says. "But why don't you guys try and take your mind off of it for-"

"For the last time, Will. No! Not now," Lucas says, turning away just in time to miss the boy's shoulders slump. He back to Mike, releasing a heavy sigh. "You didn't do anything, Mike. That's my whole point. You're the victim here."

El's eyes fall back to Mike, not all sure about what she was feeling.

"I know," he cries out. "It's just, why is she treating me this way?"

"Mike-"

"I don't know." Frustrated, he shakes his head. "What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong?!"

"Mike, stop it!" Will has to yell to be heard, but his friends eventually turn their attention his way. "you know what you did wrong!"

They watch him carefully, as does El.

Just grateful to have their attention, he softens just a notch "You messed up, alright? But there's just not much you can do right now,"

"He's right," Lucas sighs, bending over to move Mike's feet out of to make room before taking a seat. "I mean, we told the truth and everything,"

Will let out a bitter laugh. "No, you didn't! You got caught! You told them you were shopping for them, but that's it. You still kept lying about your Nana,"

Max and Y/n watch El carefully, the only indication something had happened came from her angered sigh.

"They lied about Nana," she says finally.

"Oh, I knew it," Max hissed.

Y/n merely placed her forehead in her hands tiredly as she waited for more information.

"But we still tried! That's gotta count for something," Mike cries, stuffing more food into his mouth. "I mean, shouldn't that count for something?"

"Mike, relax. Just... relax," Lucas sighs into his hands yet again, clearly exasperated. "And stop asking rational questions."

"I know, I know. You're right," Mike sighs. His expression quickly turned bitter as he sent his friends a sour look. "Because women act on emotion and not logic,"

"Precisely," Lucas nods. "It's a totally different species."

El's breathing grows deeper and for a moment the pair of friends fear the worst. But the truth was, while El didn't quite exactly know what they were saying, she knew it was foul.

"They say we are 'species'."

-"What?"

-"Come again?"

"'Emotion, not logic."

-"What?"

-"Come again?"

Will shifted on his feet, looking unsure as to what to say, or if he should at all.

"Will is upset,"

Y/n scoffs, looking between Max and El. "He should be if they're saying that shit." She fires, worry briefly taking over her anger over the doubtful thought seeded in her mind. Quickly she leaned forward.

"Wait, he wasn't saying that was he?"

Relief sweep over her when El shakes her head.

She finds her eyes on him again, looking as if he was trying too hard to fit in and not say the wrong thing. El hadn't known him for terribly long, but she knew enough to realize this shouldn't be normal.

"Guys," he says, his eyes darting to the small table he had been setting up. "Come on, it's ready. You already said you'd play a month ago when Dustin got back. I've been planning ever since! And I really think it'll help take your mind off of all this."

Lucas groans.

"Will! We already told you. Not right now," he shakes his head as if scolding a small child.

"They are upset with him."

"Why?" Y/n pressed, sharing an equally concerned look with Max.

"They broke up with you, what else is there to talk about?"

"Easy for you to say, you still have a girlfriend!" Mike throws back.

"'Easy for Will to say,'" El repeats.

Y/n could only imagine what they were putting Will through right now. Or just what her words could mean. Her guilt from having to cancel weighed heavier and heavier.

"He says..."

They all watch, El included, as all his frustrations boil over.

"Well, none of that matters now, does it?!"

Shocked at his outburst, Lucas and Mike break into matching, sour grins nevertheless.

"Then join us, Will," Mike says, sharing a smirk with Lucas. "Join us in trying to figure the greatest mystery of all; the female species!"

"What? What's he saying?" Y/n asked.

But she receives no answer. El had fallen quiet.

El cocks her head, her glare thrown to each boy like daggers, feeling an anger of her own. As well as a protectiveness.

That didn't last long, however. Not moments after, Mike seemed to be challenging his own foul behavior. His mouth opened up wide, letting loose a deep and billowing belch.

"Dude," Mike laughed lazily, gesturing around him as he grinned up at his friends. "You can smell the nacho cheese,"

El recoiled, her upper lip hooking in a grimace both in and out of the void.

She's relieved to see even one of them disgusted by his antics — Will, but it doesn't change her annoyance. But it was better, and far less confusing than Lucas who broke out in a sly grin.

"I get that beat,"

"What?" Mike mumbles in between picking his teeth with his tongue.

Baffled, El looks to Will again whose face pales. He quickly shakes his head, his words pleading.

"Oh, no."

"No, Lucas," Mike says, jumping in. "No!"

El watches curiously as Lucas's grin stretches wider — "No, Lucas!" — and he lifts his right leg — "Lucas! LUCAS!" — and...

El stumbles back in shock when the sound hits suddenly. It echoed louder than the burp had — far louder — and only grows louder as Lucas lifts his leg higher.

El rips the headband off her head to reveal her widened eyes, her shoulders moving and falling in a panicked-like state.

Never blinking, her mouth still wrenched open in shock, she turns to gape at her friends.

"What happened?"

She didn't answer.

"Are you okay?" Y/n pressed, fearing the worst.

She breaks out in a grin, a fit of sudden giggles sent her slouching into the carpet and her head landing in Y/n's lap. Max and Y/n welcomed her reaction with open arms, her infectious laughter spreading to them despite the utter bewilderment they were feeling. Y/n looked down at her friend, trying not to laugh.

El managed to peel her eyes open long enough to see Y/n's crooked smile poking into her view of the ceiling and she loses it all over again.

"What?" She laughs.

"What happened?"

El clutched her aching sides. Every time she tried to speak, the silliness of it all stole her words all over again.

It had been completely revolting and

angering. But it was also the most fun she'd ever had in that horrible place. This also being why it was so hard to wipe the smile from her face.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Will stumbled back as far away as possible from the massive stink cloud he was sure would drown him. Mike had stumbled off the couch, waving at the air as Will buried his nose in his shirt.

"Oh, man," Mike groans. "what the hell, Lucas?"

"Come on, that was impressive,"

"So was Will," Mike shoots him a knowing smirk. "Finally realizing the frustrations of the female species,"

"That wasn't what I said," he shakes his head, growing angrier by the second. "I said it doesn't matter if I have a girlfriend or not right now cause I can't see her! Both of us have to clean up your messes and it's the same reason why we missed our six month anniversary last month,"

Both Mike and Lucas wince. "Congrats?"

Will sighs, throwing himself in his seat at the D&D table.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

The cabin's front door was nearly thrown off its hinges as an inebriated Hopper stumbled across the threshold. The door slammed shut behind him, shaking the room as he huffed and puffed. Several times he nearly lost his balance just standing still, but despite the blurred vision and numbed senses he could still make out the muffled radio from his daughter's room.

That wasn't good. At least, that's all Hopper could comprehend right away before he pieced together why; that always meant Mike was here.

And the door was shut.

"Hey!" No response. "Hey!"

The ache of rejection and embarrassment he had been feeling all night had been drowned in bottles of wine from Enzo's, numbing a great deal when Joyce had failed to show. But it couldn't quite extinguish his anger, and that was all that was left now. And he had no problem channeling that into this moment.

In his drunken state, he manages to march across the living room without stumbling into anything and his voice rises behind his gritted teeth.

"When I say three inches, three-"

A small yelp and a short burst of hot hair stinging his sweating skin and knocking over the lamp on the desk was the first thing he registered after the boom of the door being busted open. Before him, was the sight of El and her friends lounging across her floor, flipping through magazines and gawking up at him.

He realized then what had happened judging by Y/n drawing in a deep breath, and dropping her head into her hands. She had clearly been especially startled being so close to the door and had inadvertently created a mini shockwave that swept across every loose item in the room. He could hear her cursing into her hands as Max glared up at him.

"Do you knock?! Jeez!"

"Yeah!" El repeated. "Jeez!"

At that moment, Hopper couldn't remember a time he had back-pedaled so quickly. He could hear his slurred words stringing together a nervous apology.

"Wo-wo-oh, hey," he gulps. "I'm sorry."

The three girls continue to gawk up at him from the floor.

"I thought that, uh-,"

"If you were expecting Mike, he isn't here," Y/n said.

"We wanted to have a sleepover," El says, still beyond excited at the thought of having one since Y/n told her about them almost a year ago. "Is that...okay?"

"Yeah,"

The word fell out of Hopper's mouth before he could will it, his entire demeanor melting away in relief.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah," he said, his voice going higher than normal as he stumbled through the tension. "Your parents know you guys are here?"

"Yup," Max says, and Y/n nods.

Blazing through the past few moments, or at least attempting to, Hopper waves his arm dismissively and his slurring intensifies.

"Uh, yeah, it's cool. Yeah. That's-That's really cool."

This was great! His "heart-to-heart" had worked. At least the way he did it. He couldn't count on his hands the number of times he had asked El about the others; silently hoping she'd take the hint and get him out of long, awkward discussion. But she never had, she only went on about Mike, and the more the summer stretched on the less he heard about Y/n or—

"Did you need something?" Max asks, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He hadn't realized he had been just standing there, swaying slightly and zoning out.

He was overstepping. He could see that now. And not just because of the embarrassment written all over his daughter's face.

"No, no," he says quickly, shaking his head and making a lazy grab for the doorknob. "Uh, I'll leave. I'll just let you... I'll leave you..."

His voice trails off before being swallowed completely when the door shuts with a click. For a moment, Hopper just stands there processing it all.

A smirk hooked his lips.

No Mike.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Pride Month Resources and Links

168 Ways to Donate in Support of Black Lives & Communities of Color

Save The Tears: White Woman's Guide

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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[malrie]

Billy watches Mary hold a pearl necklace to Mommy’s collarbone, parting her painted lips in thought, the reflection on the vanity mirror a pretty echoing twin. Her cheeks are flush-red, heels of apples. Billy lies on the carpet at her feet, listening as she hums a song he doesn’t recognize. This way he can pretend it’s really Mommy, and not just Mary in their dead mother’s body.

They do this sometimes, play make believe. Mary’s best at it, but Billy likes to think his Daddy’s bumbling-about impression is spot on. Mary had snuck Mrs. Bromfield’s gossamer nightgown out of her closet after powering off the cape. It had been one magic transformation after the other.

Billy is aware that it’s funny and strange. They keep it secret. Freddy doesn’t even know and he’s Freddy. Mary says he won’t understand. No one would.

“Make believe,” she reasons, “is for babies. We can’t just tell everybody.”

“Not even Freddy?” 

“Especially Freddy,” Mary warns. She’s speaking with her diary on her lap, angled away so he can’t see. “You know how he gets.”

Shortly after they had volunteered at a newly-opened soup kitchen, Captains Marvel and Marvel were slapped on the front page of Fawcett Tribune, dimpled and apron-wearing. Mary had sliced the pictures out of the newspaper, shuffling the cutouts in a curated album alongside other Marvel photo-ops. 

“It’s like Mommy and Daddy are heroes,” she had told him. “Alive again. I like that. Don’t you?”

And Billy did. Billy liked that a lot.

They don’t do things to get noticed. It’s just how it is nowadays, with the day-to-day average hero coverage. Billy’s teamed with all the big-namers, so he’s caught overseas often or on panels for more official capacities. He leans in for a picture with the mayor of Fawcett and smiles in just the manner he’s seen Daddy do in the few pictures they have of him: a little crooked, full-breadth. It’s distinct enough to Mary and him, who’ve pored over those remnants so long that it’s secondary.

In comparison, there’s less of Marilyn to document around. But despite rarely stepping foot out of state aside from immediate world crises, the lady Marvel isn’t a no-name. She’s dogeared every local grassroots movement around town and helps out regularly at the community center with the Vasquez kids. Whiz Radio covers her in their own Marvel corner, and Billy makes sure he’s the one behind the camera when it lifts.

Freddy—because he’s Freddy—catches on eventually. For once, they’re lunching on campus, a day of obligation when it comes to the trio’s “How many times can we skip till we’re in the red?” calculations. Squashed between a dozen other middle schoolers mulling over their peas and carrots, Freddy goes, “What you’re doing with the pictures—sure that’s healthy?”

“You would put it that way,” Mary says, sounding defensive already, “like it’s simply a horrible thing to do.”

“Don’t forget you’re not the only orphan here. And you can do what you like to remember your family, but you don’t think this’ll just hurt Billy in the long run?”

As they bicker in the very veiled, grown-up parental charade that they do, Billy pulls out the morning paper and lays it gently between their lunch trays. It’s not front page stuff, just a page three feature about charity work. This was from a few days ago, after collecting the donations Mary built up at her annual Watchtower bake sale, and it’s got a picture of the Marvels and a few Leaguers gum-grinning behind a grand big check.

“It’s nothing bad, Freddy,” Billy consoles his best friend, whose constant worry for them could be weighed in truckloads. “I know it’s not real. Pretending doesn’t make it real.”

“Then why?”

He ponders over this, trying to put it to words. “It’s like they live through us now,” he starts. “When we save or rescue or be a hero, they are, too. They always wanted to do some good in the world. This is how we can help them do it even when they’re gone.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Freddy flicks a pea at him. Above Mary’s reprimand, he elaborates, sounding years beyond his age, “You don’t have to be them to keep them with you. Look at me. Look at me when I’m… caped. I look like I’ve lost anything, when I’m not him? Well, I haven’t. Not a thing.”

Mary grips Billy’s hand tightly over the surface of the table. Freddy always knows what to say to placate her and Billy alike. It’s why Darla and the boys follow him like easy-to-please ducklings, and certainly why Billy and Mary are who they are still. The rush of affection for his family that overcomes him is old and familiar. He thinks he’d like a photo of them together in uniform next time they’re out, where his parents might join them. And next time he won’t need to smile like C.C. Batson, or even Captain Marvel. Billy’s enough. Everyone that he loves lets him know that much.

[reallybadfeeling]

My Obikin Playlist Masterpost

I'm gonna try to explain my reasoning, but you can give each song whatever interpretation you want. Also, use them however you want if any of them inspire you to make something creative.

(PS: Sorry for my ranting on the first song. I'm very passionate about it in particular.) (Tagging @imtryingsstuff because she asked for it. Even though I was already working on this post before she asked. I have way too much free time.)

☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧

❧ Heart + Bones - Roisin O

I've tried to sit down and write this song out Feels like a thousand times But I was always too scare of what I might find But if I keep on blocking this pain out It might be too late To heal my heart somehow Don't wanna open that wound Don't wanna replay that night Don't wanna think about you You are no longer mine Don't wanna write you a love song When I know that love is gone 'Cause if I let myself think of you I might lose my mind It's the heart and bones It's an empty soul The dreams at night that shake me to my core And I can't get up off this floor It's in the bones of me An empty soul in me The dreams at night that shake me to my core I can't get off this floor [...] Don't wanna think about you When you're no longer mine Don't wanna write you a love song When I know this love is gone [...] The dreams at night that shake me to my core I just can't take this hurting anymore [...] Don't wanna think about you You are no longer mine Don't wanna write you a love song When I know this love is gone 'Cause if I let my mind think of you I might lose it all I've tries to sit down and write this song out Feels like a thousand times

A fair warning: each and every break-up song in this playlist is basically me crying at the idea of a very heart broken Obi-Wan post RotS alone on Tatooine. But for this song in particolar I mention the repetitions with the slight differences because in my eyes they are actually HUGE! The more the song goes on, the more Obi-Wan is spiraling! The way it specifically tells that the empty soul is his the second time, like he accepts that despite what Anakin did he still thinks there's a soul there to save, and the idea of not doing so makes his soul feel empty. And the switch from "get up off this floor" to "get off this floor", literally him being so desperate he stops thinking that he wants to get up (and the last time it literally becomes "i just can't take this hurting anymore", because Obi-Wan had to see so many people he loves die, he literally can't take any more breaking of his heart). The first "you are no longer mine" is the realization hitting him, but then it becomes "when you are no longer mine" and that feels like acceptance of that realization (but then later in the song it turns back to "you are no longer mine" like he's so desperate he wants to deny it once again, distance himself from it)! The switch from "that love" from "this love", like the first time he's thinking about how Anakin no longer loves him, but then realizes that no matter how much he still loves Anakin, there is actually nothing he can do about how everything is broken. But most of all the first time it's "if I let myself think of you I might lose my mind", which is Obi-Wan still being rational about things, or at least trying not to let his mind linger on the thought of Anakin; but then at the end it becomes "if I let my mind think of you I might lose it all", because he's already thinking about Anakin and he can't let his mind linger on it, otherwise he would realize how much he lost when he lost Anakin, which is everything. And the ending too, by repeating the start, but now it has a feeling of resignation to it, like at first he was literally scared to let himself linger on his feelings because he knew he would find heart break, but now he's just empty and at the same times he knows he'll feel like that a thousand times more, because he just can't let that hurt go, he can't let his love for Anakin be forgotten. ... I love this song and it shows. I mean, the playlist is literally named after it for a good reason. I swear I'll be less wordy for every other explanation.

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❧ Black Hole - Griff

It seems like things are going really well for you I wish that I could say the same about me too I wish that I could say the same [...] Without a trace You disappeared and took some of me with you, babe Like the way I used to laugh untile my belly ached Well, that's all gone away now And boy, you know I've tried to pray, I've bruised my knees I've tried to bring you back to me I've tried my best to find some kind of peace Don't you see? There's a big black hole where my heart used to be And I've tried my best to fill it up with things I don't need It don't work like that, no, it's not easy To fill this gap that you left in me

So, I see this as a song for an AU, maybe a Modern Au. Something basic like the two of them maybe being neighbors and Obi-Wan maybe being a tutor for Anakin when he was a teen, and Anakin having a huge crush on him. But then Obi-Wan marries and Anakin is heart broken. (Don't worry the idea is also that Obi-Wan gets a divorce and comes back to Anakin, but still, the song fits for the first part of this idea). But feel free to see whatever else you want in it.

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❧ Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips

I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bride To make you well, to make you well When enemies are at your door I'll carry you away from war [...] Give me reasons to believe That you would do the same for me And I will do it for you, for you Baby, I'm not moving on I'll love you long after you're gone

This is honestly a classic. It would fit with any ship, but that line about lying, cheating, etc... That screams Anakin. Like, literally canon that he would do anything to keep the person he loves with him.

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❧ What You Talking About? - Peter Bjorn and John

You used to be my hero Now you're just another boss [...] Five years as your understudy When I can't understand what you talking about [...] Tell me lies and I will listen Tell the truth and I'll be gone Tell me why I need permission [...] Shining in your shadow How could I sink this low? Our acquaintance has been so-so And I can't understand where my patience's gone

These lyrics just give me very frustrated Anakin as a Padawan trying to navigate his relationship with Obi-Wan. Not very romantic or shippy, but still relevant in my opinion.

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❧ Bruci la città - Irene Grandi

(Let) The city burn down or live in fear (that) within two hours everything will disappear anything else will disappear [...] I can't stop (myself) from screaming That I hold you to my heart To protect you from evil That I wish I could soothe Your pain, your pain [...] (Let) The stars explode (Let) The whole thing explode (Let) Everything other than the two of us die At least for a little bit At least as a mistake [...] I want to get my act together Maybe be better And shield you with my heart From catastrophe and fear

Don't really know why, but this makes me think of a quiet moment in the middle of the Clone Wars, just Anakin and Obi-Wan alone in a tent, hoping to have a moment of peace in each other's arms. (If you want the full lyrics translated let me know, I just picked my favorite parts)

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❧ Atlantis - Seafret

We got here the hard way All those words that we exchange Is it any wonder things get dark? 'Cause it's in my heart, it's in my head I never take back the things I said [...] I can't save us My Atlantis, we fall We've built this town on shaky ground [...] Now all the birds have fled The hurt just leaves me scared Losing everything I've ever known It's all become too much Maybe I'm not built for love If I knew that I could reach you, I would go

SO MUCH OBI-WAN ANGST POST-ROTS! Like, the birds that have fled are the Jedi that survived Order 66, the things impossible to take back a reference to the entire conversation between Anakin and Obi-Wan during their duel... And the one thing that always breaks me: "maybe I'm not built for love", which makes me think about that "infinte sadness" thing that comes from one of the novels. *chef kiss*

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❧ No Time To Die - Billie Eilish

I should have known I'd leave alone Just goes to show That the blood you bleed is just the blood you owe We were a pair [...] You were my life, but like is far away from fair Was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help? Was it obvious to everybody else? That I'd fallen for a lie You were never on my side [...] I let it burn You're no longer my concern Faces from my past return Another lesson yet to learn

Don't know about you, but this always makes me think of a lonely and bitter Obi-Wan after RotS. There's also another way of reading this honestly. This could absolutely be Anakin spiraling at the end of RotS, convinced that Padmé doesn't love him anymore; and then Vader facing Luke (the face from the past returning) and realizing the one who always lied to him was Palpatine.

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❧ White Flag - Dido

I know I left too much mess and Destruction to come back again And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of "it's over" Then I'm sure that that makes sense But I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was there Will be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on

There's no doubt that this song has been overused. And it is a very classic meme, so sometimes it's hard to take it seriously. But I still love it. And I can't help but relate this to something with Vader trying to redeem himself but failing at that too, and his and Obi-Wan's relationship still being broken as fuck.

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❧ Fight the End - The playground

When it's all falling apart I'll be the one who can hold you Console you When everything's getting dark And you can't find the spark To get through I'll fight for you till the end Whatever's broken I'll mend For you If you think it's all gone Just breathe in and hold on Till the end of time

Once again, just some H/C during the Clone Wars kind vibes, but also good for an apocalypse AU of some kind.

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❧ Hanging On A Lie - Striking Matches

I'm not mentioning a specific part of this song, because the entire thing in my head is just the whole journey of Anakin turning to the Dark Side and then turning back to the Light right before he died. Seriously, up until the first chorus, it's just Anakin talking about what he feels like about Padmé's supposed betrayal. ("Baby you've been up to something / don't you tell me it's not what it looks like" but also "I might have been naive but I'm not blind" and "Don't you know you should know better than this / Than to cover up the truth with your poisonous lips/I'm not falling for it this time"). The second half of the song is Vader facing Luke. ("I'll be the one who got away from you when you / finally figure it out / you won't find me"). And the last part is Vader realizing all the lies Palpatine told him all alon. ("I'm not fallin' for it this time/try and try too little too late" and again the "you should know better than this/than to cover up the truth with you poisonous lips") A bit of a weird interpretation, that's for sure. But look at me making a song about cheating all about Anakin's journey!

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❧ Bloodsport '15 - Raleigh Ritchie

Your love is worth it and for that I will wait And though you hate me when you have a turn I drive you crazy, but you always return [...] Although you love me, sometimes we're mean Things can get ugly, but we're still a team We are an army that breaks from withing but That's why we're stronger and that's how we'll win [...] I've got your back, and though it's stacked against us I've got your hand, it's us against consensus And I will burn the people who hurt you the worst and I will no learn Cause I am too young and too dumb to consider the terms of breaking the law And I'll curse the day that they return With a smile on my face as their heads hit the floor And they're done, now it's curtains, the bloodlust's a clusterfuck, it hurts but it's working And even if you ask me to stop, it's too late because I've already decided their fate It's not a distaste, it's pure hate and it pulsates and it works its way around my brain Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I'll protect you till the day I meet my maker So don't fight me now cause you might need me later Loving you is a bloodsport Fighting in a love war It's not what I'm in love for, I'm yours I don't know if you can help it, maybe I'm just being selfish

Soooo, basically Anakin doing to Obi-Wan what he did to Padmé: loving him so much he thinks he has to turn to the Dark Side to save him. The first part I can almost imagine said by Obi-Wan, actually. Like, he's aware that sometimes Anakin hates their dynamics, but also that they are both in love... Which just ends with total madness.

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❧ Sweet Love of Mine - Joy Williams

I was broken, I was blind Lost in a moment I thought I left behind Then you woke up this dark soul of mine Carrying a light I thought I'd never find When you found me, I was all alone The whole world around me, but nowhere to call home I heard your voice sing like heaven's choir Gathered up my fears and threw them in the fire

I'm well aware this song is about pregnancy and how the singer found herself in the experience of becoming a mother. BUT, hear me out: what about an AU with either one of them being a Sith and the other one is still a Jedi. Instead of fighting each other, the Jedi tries to save the Sith, because they realize that the Sith actually never had a chance to be anything else since they grew up with a Sith as their "parent" and Master. But if we still want to keep the pregnancy element, fuck it! It's perfect for an Omegaverse AU, with Anakin maybe about to fall when he finds out he's pregnant and that is how Obi-Wan and their unborn child save Anakin. (Is this very specific? Yes. Do I care? Nope, and that's why this song made it into the playlist.)

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❧ Senza fare sul serio - Malika Ayane

There's a post on my blog already about why this song makes me think about the Jedi Order in general. I know I should probably keep it in a different playlist. Alas, it's still here. Have a link to my previous post if you are interested on reading a complete translation and the explanation of my reasoning. HERE!

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❧ Conversations in the Dark - John Legend

I will never try to change you, change you I will always want the same you, same you Swear on everything I pray to That I won't break your heart I'll be there when you get lonely, lonely Keep the secrets that you told me, told me And your love is all you owe me And I won't break your heart [...] And we, we got places we both gotta be But there ain't nothing I would rather do Then blow off all my plans for you

It's just such a lovely love song, I couldn't help myself. This seriously gives me sappy Obi-Wan vibes in any way, shape or form.

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❧ If You Ever Leave, I'm Coming With You - The Wombats

You know I'll do Whatever you want me to [...] Take you out of this You reluctant optimist And if you ever leave, I'm coming with you Stuck to the gum that's stuck on your shoe If you ever leave, I'm coming with you [...] Am I losing you in the dark baby? No more breaking stuff No more acting up Filling your head with doubt

A song about the obsessive kind of love that hints of a way too dependent relationship? Something that mentions losing themselves in the dark? Of fucking course I relate this to Anakin and the way he loves people!

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❧ Transplant - Sea Girls

You're breaking all the promises tonight I'm always dancing by myself as the music plays I'm always one step behind, off-beat, out of place Now I'm looking for you, you're looking away [...] Your heart changed Mine stayed the same I don't recognize your voice when you're saying my name Your heart changed And mine beats the same way [...] Wish I could be back in the moment We were shining, we were making mistakes 'Til your heart changed Mine stayed the same

Have I mentioned that I have a lot of RotS feels? Yeah, so, in my head the "dancing" works like an analogy to fighting and the "music" is literally the sound of battle. Which is why this fits perfectly as far as I'm concerned. An even the "always one step behind" part is just Obi-Wan not realizing Anakin was slowly turning to the Dark Side. But it can be related also to how Anakin basically felt like he didn't truly belong with the Jedi.

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❧ Read my Mind - JONES

Can't control my thoughts But I'm trying every day [...] But sometimes I want impossible things When you hear my voice, what does it say? Need a language, we're lost in translation From impossible thoughts and feelings Why don't you know before I know? What I need to say, before I can How come you don't have the answer Before I asked you the question? Wish you could read my mind [...] It's been a long time since we've been together In the same world, just want you to look at me Like I was everything you ever wanted again [...] Just hold me like I'm everything you wanted again

A good song of the two people pining will always make me think of those two dorks. And their feeling are definitely lost in translation even in canon, with Anakin never realizing how much Obi-Wan actually cares for him because of Palpatine's manipulations.

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❧ So Much It Hurts - Niki & The Dove

Oh, I ask you where you've been 'Cause you always come home late nowadays What a fool was I to think we were safe From the thieves in the temple [...] Oh, won't you bring it back? After all that we've been through together Is it now you gonna throw it all away? Oh, a love like ours Tell me, was it worth it? Oh, the thieves in the temple Oh, but you said that For better for worse You would always be there for me Always be there for me Always be there for me like I'll always be there for you Good times and bad times

So this screams Padmé being cheated on. Like, Anakin still married to her, yet he is always sneaking away after they spend time together to be in the Temple with Obi-Wan. Like, Obi-Wan is literally the thief in the Temple that steals Anakin away from her. (Which I'm sure is actually a metaphor for how the couples' marriage is the temple and someone is disrespecting it by taking away the other's lover. But look at me making this literal, 'cause why not!).

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❧ Power & Control - Marina

Give a little, get a lot That's just how you are with love [...] Think you're funny, think you're smart Think you're gonna break my heart Think you're funny, think you're smart Yeah, you may be good looking But you're not a piece of art [...] Power and control I'm gonna make you fall I'm gonna make you fall We give and take a little more 'Cause all my life I've been controlled You can't have peace without a war

Another song for an AU, this time one with both of them being Sith, most likely being enemies too at first. Before they decide to work together against Anakin's Master.

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❧ No Hero - Elisa

Don't you shut your eyes And hide you heart behind a shadow 'Cause you can count on me As long as I can breathe [...] I've fallen from grace Yeah, I'm much less a saint than a sinner Oh, no I ain't no superhuman 'Cause that's just in the movies, I know But I'll carry you throught the night Through the storm Give you love, always love in return I can't jump over buildings I'm no hero But love can do miracles I can't outrun a bullet 'Cause I'm no hero But I would take one for you [...] 'Cause I'm no hero But I'd spill my blood for you If you need me to I'll be there

Another song from an Italian artist, but this one is in English! And I totally see this song for a scenario where one of the two isn't a Jedi or even for a Modern AU. But it can totally work for Canon compliant too because Anakin is the one every calls hero with no fear. It fits then if Obi-Wan tells Anakin that he doesn't feel like a hero, but he would do anything for Anakin.

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SOOOO, this post is getting way to long (like, it was way too long even just with the first song). And I made it to an even 20 songs. I feel like this a nice place to stop for now. Don't worry, these are just the first 20. I have more in my private playlist, but I want to make another post like this when I add them to the public one. Because I can. And that's what I'm gonna do.