downwiththemoralmajority

[downwiththemoralmajority]

Only A Heartbeat Away Pt. 1

Rex Brown / Phil Anselmo x female reader

Word count: 6957

Warnings: explicit sex scenes, alcohol

Torn between two men, the best thing to happen is that they will never meet.

Prologue

Once a year my parents went on vacation to New Orleans. And that’s how I met Philip. Since I was 15 we’ve booked the same hotel near the shore. A small apartment with two bedrooms which I usually haven’t used because I hooked up with Philip. Now that I finally became 18 years old my parents no longer forced me to stay with them.

I’d rather not decide what kind of relationship Philip and I have had. It was an on and off kind of thing and we’ve never spoken about it. I was happy to see him every once in a while when we were on vacation. He was a little daredevil and I would believe him if he told me that I wasn’t his only liaison. I could tolerate the fact because I haven’t been that faithful either. As soon as I arrived at home in Arlington, the next stop would be a small and smoky club to get laid. Rockstars were my type. Long-haired, dressed in tight spandex and leather jackets, men who were probably twice my age but I didn’t tell them that I was a minor. But I couldn’t emphasize enough that I was an adult now. Otherwise I wasn’t old enough to buy an alcoholic drink or cigarettes. But that’s what men were for. They bought me drinks. How was I able to get into the club? Well, that was called fake ID, my dear. I often told my parents I would be on a sleepover. They probably didn’t believe a word I was saying but they stopped asking any questions.

Last time I checked out in New Orleans, it felt different to leave Philip. Not that I was expecting him to confess his love for me but I met a guy called Rex last month who played in a band. Usually I was just fucking around but something about him was overwhelming and almost mysterious. He didn’t talk much. His love language included holding hands, caressing my body in a gentle way and deeply looking into my eyes. Philip was the complete opposite: outgoing, talkative and masculine. His strength was to keep your legs wide open only. This time he proved me wrong.

Last month

This was an old trick my grandma taught me. You act like you don't have money so men stand you a drink. But I didn't let any men buy me booze. They had to be pretty. If a man isn’t pretty enough for you, just act like you’ve found a dollar note and leave the bar. In most cases they don’t follow you.

Today’s line up was kind of boring. I spent the most time sitting at the bar and drinking beer pretty guys offered me. I was wearing tight black jeans and a Judas Priest band shirt which didn’t show any cleavage but they still looked after me. My feet hurt from wearing boots the whole day. I haven’t changed my clothes since noon.

Then again I searched for some dollars in my pocket. I actually didn’t have any money. I might have forgotten it at home because I was in such a rush to get the bus. That was not what I needed. I couldn’t buy any bus ticket to get home. Calm down, I whispered.

„Hi princess, let me get you a drink. Is beer okay? Sheryl, two beers!“, he demanded. That guy was like 5‘6“, sweaty, overweight and very scruffy. His body odor mixed with cheap perfume made me gag. He was wearing his tuxedo like he left work recently. I was disgusted and tried to stop the bartender from providing us with drinks. The music was too loud and my voice too low so she couldn’t hear me. The beers almost foamed over as she put it on the bar table. The scruffy guy heaved five dollars at the bartender. „Cheers, princess.“, he fizzled. Saliva landed on my face and I couldn’t be more disgusted. „I didn’t order that drink.“, I refused. While focusing on the bottle I wished to escape from this club. I watched the condensed water run down the green bottle just like that scruffy guy‘s sweat run down his temples where his hair has already gone gray. Angrily he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to his stinky tuxedo. Acrid fumes burned in my throat and strangled me. He took the bottle of beer and directed it towards my mouth. „I paid 2 bucks for this shitty beer and you don’t want to take just one sip?“, he spat. Nobody around seemed to care about the incident. It was a normal Saturday for a woman in the 80s.

Suddenly something casted a cloud over the scruffy guy and me. Within seconds another guy angrily freed me from this nightmare and gave him a good talking to. I had to grab the edge of the bar to prevent me from falling down. The good looking guy punched the scruffy guy in his face and let him stumble down on the floor. „Don’t you dare to touch her ever again! Fuck off dickhead.“. His raspy voice sounded so sexy. He turned to me, reached out his hand and smiled: „You okay?“ Without saying anything I hugged him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Another quirky dude appeared behind that good looking guy to check if something happened. The blonde man just nodded and the curly guy vanished into the crowd.

„Thank you so much, man. I was nearly raped.“, I gasped. A small tear ran down my eye as I realized what happened. He took his hand and wiped off the sadness. I couldn’t resist touching his hand as he stroked my cheeks. Shyly I stared into his big brown puppy eyes and forgot about the situation.

Our eyes met. The church bells rang in my ears and the choir started singing Hallelujah. I was not religious but he was heaven sent. A savior, a martyr who saved me. But deliver us from evil. Amen. Goddamn, he was just fine. Who was this good looking guy? Dressed in a leather jacket and pants only. Nothing underneath his jacket. Just a hairy chest and a golden chain.

He interrupted my daydream: „Come with me and take a deep breath. We have our own little booth where you can calm down. And surely some booze.“ Gently he grasped me around my waist and toted me through the crowd.

We both arrived at the secret entrance. Hurriedly he opened the door and waved to the curly guy and another corpulent man. He looked like a drummer, I thought. They all looked like band members. A poster on the door revealed the name of the band: Pantera. „Wow, is this some secret place for groupies?“, I joked. I had the gift of the gab. „Haha, no, the secret place for groupies is Rex’s van.“, the curly guy fooled around and nearly fell off his chair from laughing. The corpulent drummer joined him. They both laughed so hard I nearly felt embarrassment for Rex. Rex just rolled his eyes and offered me his seat. Though we just met, I reached out for the cooler and grabbed a lukewarm bottle of beer. „Dude, this is warm!“, I complained. The drummer threw a glance at me and said: „Rex, she’s not even here for 5 minutes yet and already complaining.“

„Vinnie, dude, she was nearly raped by scruffy guy.“, Rex hissed. They really called him „scruffy guy“. Vinnie made a gag sound and emptied his bottle of beer.

„Let me open this for you.“ Rex took my bottle and his lighter and opened it with a plopp. While I reached out for the beer, I accidentally touched his soft hand. He had to be the singer. His hands were soft, he was extremely handsome and his raspy voice sounded like an angel. Out of the blue Vinnie turned to me and asked: „Hey, girl, what’s your name?“ Why was I so surprised about this legitimate question? Because even Rex hasn't asked about my name yet. So I turned to Vinnie: „Yeah, sorry, my name is (y/n). And you’re Vinnie“ I pointed at the questionnaire. „Your name is Rex.“ Then I shyly nodded at Rex. „And who are you?“, I turned to the curly guy‘s direction. „My name is Darrell, but you can call me Diamond Darrell.“, he smiled a wide smile and played air guitar. He must be the quirky dude of this group. Darrell had to be guitarist, Vinnie the drummer, though he didn’t tell me but he looks like one. The last question was what Rex's position was. But within a second I would find out. He grabbed his bass and jammed a jazz tune. I always fell for singers when I think back to the time I first saw Philip playing a gig in New Orleans. His blonde dyed hair waving in time with the music and giving me wild thoughts. But when I looked at Rex I felt something completely different. There wasn’t an image burning between my thighs. The longer I looked at him the more I felt more than lust. I had goosebumps while he was talking and laughing and joking around. Imagining him kissing me passionately and taking off my clothes in the candle light. Slow sexy music played in the background while he took off his leather jacket exposing his chest hair. The female urge to leave scratch marks on his body while he was thrusting into me.

Once again someone interrupted my daydreaming. It was Rex who took the seat next to me. He moved closer and wrapped his arms around my shoulder. Never have I been so shy and excited to sit next to a guy.

Rex didn’t talk much. I mostly heard the other band members talking to each other. He just followed their conversation and nodded at times. He was more focused on the girl sitting next to him. Sometimes he laughed about Darrell’s jokes. His laughter was contagious. His beautiful smile also. Every once in a while he caught a glimpse of me smiling at him. This made him smile wider. I think it was love at first sight.

Carefully my fingers made their way to his chest and caressed his chest hair. He winced but didn’t act surprised. He began to pull me closer and lifted me up. „Come on, dude. Why don’t you both get a room?“, Darrell complained. He rolled his eyes and stood up from his seat. „I will find some girls, dude. So we’re not alone.“, Vinnie suggested. Darrell and Vinnie left the room and us both alone.

I hesitated to make the first step. It was different from the other times I hooked up with a boy. He was indeed the embodiment of a rockstar. His long fingers grabbed my ass and I imagined what he could with them. It appeared as if he was thinking of what he wanted to do next. Without any warning he pulled me closer to his chest and whispered: „We should go anywhere else.“ I released myself from him and took his hand. We left the secret room and blazed a trail through the crowd. They were all so drunk in the club. The air was thick with smoke and sweaty bodies were dancing with each other. I saw Vinnie and Darrell talking to some other girls. It seemed that it was easy for them to attract girls. No wonder, they all looked hot.

We made our way to them with Rex still holding my sweaty hand. Then he whispered something into Darrell’s ear which I couldn’t understand because it’s too loud. Darrell nodded and smirked. He handed Rex some keys and I immediately knew where we were supposed to be going.

Fresh air was pumped into my lungs as soon as we left the sticky club. Suddenly I felt the coldness of the starlit evening and I wished I had a jacket. Probably Rex wouldn’t give me his unless he wants to walk through the streets naked. We strolled towards the parking lot. It was pretty dark outside and Rex had troubles with finding his car. Still grabbing my hand tightly he opened the passenger door. I bounced inside and surprisedly felt uncomfortable. Rex seemed to feel the same and asked:

„Are you okay? You look aghast.“ He took my hand carefully.

„Yeah, I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never been in a stranger‘s car.“

„You don’t have to come with me. It’s up to you. If you feel uncomfortable, you can always leave.“

„It’s not that I don’t want to go with you. I just left the safe space which is the club.“

„Hey, y/n, I don’t force you into anything.“

His raspy voice suddenly turned into a soft tone. Big brown puppy eyes stared at me without expecting an answer.

„I’m sorry, Rex, but could you please drive me home?“

Trying to hide the tears I looked down on my lap. He started the car and left the parking lot.

The way back home was awkwardly quiet. I resisted to catch a glimpse of Rex to avoid eye contact. I’ve never been that nervous around a man before. Usually we hid in a dirty bathroom in a club and had sex. Why did I hesitate this time? I could’ve kissed him in the booth earlier. But I didn’t. This time I didn’t want to rush because I was afraid of being disappointed. I guessed, I wanted him to like me, not just my body.

We arrived at home. I gave him a peck on his cheek and said goodbye. Hurriedly opening the door, I jumped out of this car and didn’t even turn around to look at him. I searched for my keys and entered my house. Carefully I closed the door and broke down and cried.

The last two days I haven’t left the house. My mother often knocked on my door to check if I was still alive. My body ached from the fact of letting Rex go. Every inch of me wanted him back but the thought of going into the club and finding him fucking some other girl in their booth would break my heart like I broke his two days ago. I was so ashamed.

„Y/n, open the door“, I heard my mother yelling, „You haven’t left the room since Sunday. It’s Tuesday! You must eat.“

„Leave me alone.“, I cried.

„I’m going to break down the door if you want.“, she sounded visibly annoyed.

„GO AWAY!“, I turned the volume up and pulled the blanket over my head.

With a loud thud my mother managed to open the door with her bare hands. She turned off the radio, took away the blanket and gently slapped my ass.

„Y/n, I know you’re an adult now and I can’t force you into anything but if my beloved daughter hasn’t eaten for two days I am very worried.“, my mother’s tone was harsh but I knew she always wanted me to be happy.

My tearful eyes turned in her direction. She sat down on the edge of my bed and started caressing my hand.

„What in the name of god happened to my girl? Who did this to you? Probably a boy. Ugh, they never grow up.“

„Mom…“

„Sweetheart, I’m going to ki…“, she wasn’t joking.

„MOM!“, I knew that I could tell my mother everything, „stop it.“ I took a deep breath to not cry. She was expecting an answer.

„It was my fault. I met a boy in a club who was so kind and cute. He is not like the other boys. I dumped him. He carried me home but all that I gave him was a glimpse. Oh god, I could punish myself.“

My mother stood up. That was not what I expected her to do at that moment. With arms akimbo she opened her mouth:

„Don’t be a cry baby.“ My eyes widened. She called me what?

She continued: „Stand up! Grab a sandwich! And find your man!“

I gave her a confused look. That was a completely different side from my mother.

„I’m serious! Get dressed and leave the house. You’re too young to be lovesick.“, she taught me while she was grabbing my arm to catapult me out of the bed. I was kind of scared of my mother. Anxiously and trembly I grabbed my clothes and watched her staring at me getting dressed.

„Mom, you scare me. What’s wrong with you?“, I carefully asked.

„Shhh..“, she made me quiet. I got dressed as fast as I could and didn’t dare to say a word. Hurriedly I left my bedroom and walked towards the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and suddenly saw a confident woman. It helped that my mother forced me to leave the sadness I was experiencing. With shaky hands I put on some makeup and combed my long hair.

I nodded to myself in the mirror and made my way downstairs. Commendably I ate the sandwich which my mother prepared for me and left the house.

Fortunately the bus station was only 5 minutes away from home and we lived in a quiet neighborhood far away from creeps like scruffy guys. Secretly I was still laughing about the fact that he was known. I actually should be crying about it. The evening seemed so peaceful and stars were shining brightly as if they wanted to lead me somewhere. I didn’t forget my jacket this time. The fact that I haven’t smoked since Sunday night made me crave for a cigarette. I found some in my jacket and lit it up. But as soon as I took my first deep breath I heard the bus engine and threw away the cig.

The bus was overcrowded and I had to stand next to a pregnant woman. Why did nobody offer her a seat? She was about to explode. I hope she was on her way to the hospital. The 20 minute ride felt like an eternity. Not only because I didn’t have a seat but also because I instantly hoped that Rex wouldn’t be mad at me. Or he hooked up with some dirty little cunt who is not worth it.

The bus stopped in the busy area of Arlington. Finally I could breathe some fresh air. I made my way to the club where I had been on Sunday and read today's line up. Nothing special, I thought to myself. When could I see Pantera playing? Suddenly something came to my mind. The singer was missing. That was no concern of mine. I better not ask.

The security guard was already smiling at me. I smiled back. As soon as I entered the club a heavy cloud of smoke and body odor let my nostrils explode. I barely couldn’t see anything. It was more crowded than two days ago. The music was too loud as usual and the bartenders overstrained. Girls were pressing their tits against the men at the bar hoping for good sex. They didn’t look much older than me and already had bigger tits.

Narrowly I scanned the entire room to find Rex. To the disadvantage there were a lot of blonde men and I didn’t know what he was wearing. With big steps I made my way through the crowd and arrived at the booth. Rex could be in here and fucking some girl. Did I want to find out? Carefully I knocked on the door but nobody answered. I touched the doorknob but it was closed. While knocking harder some guy tipped on my shoulder.

„Are you searching for Rex?, he smiled. At least Darrell was here. His curls tickled my neck. He was standing very close to me.

„Uhm, yeah." I was a bit ashamed to ask him about Rex’s stay. He probably thought I was a naive person.

„Yeah, dude, he’s not here today. He’s at home doing.. things.. probably.“

Doing things. I hoped it didn’t include fucking.

„This is a bit of a crazy demand but could you give me his address? I have to talk to him. Please?“, I begged.

„Oh well, yeah, he lives with us. So, here’s our address. Do you have something to write?“

„Uhm.. wait.. gonna check my purse.“, I stuttered embarrassed. I was not really prepared for this but at least I found a pen. Darrell took my hand and the pen and wrote it down.

„Our dad isn’t at home, so just ring the bell. Rex will open the door… I think.", he babbled.

I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him though I could barely read what he wrote on my hand.

Suddenly I realized that it’s far away from the club and I didn’t have a car. I turned back to Darrell and gave him my prettiest smile.

„Okay, well, dude, let’s grab Vinnie. He’s not that drunk I guess.“, he moaned. I would kiss more than just his cheek for asking Vinnie to drive me to their home if I wouldn’t be into Rex.

We interrupted Vinnie flirting with a blonde girl. After Darrell begged him to drive me, he also moaned but agreed to help me.

The car ride had been more awkward than the time I drove with Rex. I didn’t know what we should talk about so I kept quiet. Vinnie looked uncomfortable too and I couldn’t resent him for feeling like this. His hands clutched the steering wheel tightly and I watched his sweaty fingers slipping down. The urge to break the silence was strong. I didn’t want to be the shy little girl not able to start a conversation. Every now and then I opened my mouth to say something but I closed it immediately. Though I believe that Vinnie is more the talkative and outgoing person. But he didn’t say anything. Me neither.

After 20 minutes of absolute silence we finally arrived at Vinnie‘s and Darrell‘s house.

„Thank you, Vinnie. I owe you one.“, I praised him.

Vinnie smiled at least and answered: „It’s my shout.“ And he started the engine.

Now that I was here my legs started to shake. What should I expect and how would he react to my arrival? Thoughts circulated in my head. I needed to calm down. My finger wandered toward the doorbell and touched the cold and golden surface. The bell sounded like an alarm and I had the feeling I was waking up the whole neighborhood. It was almost 10 o‘ clock.

„Oh fuck, man. Did you forget the keys again? Darrell, I'm going to kill you.“ I heard Rex yelling. His raspy voice sounded so angry as if I disturbed him. Now I was more nervous than before.

At one fell swoop he ripped the door open. My eyes went up and down to observe Rex standing there wearing nothing. He was completely naked. I couldn’t stop staring. It was huge. Immediately he hid his dick behind his hands. Still in shock I wasn’t able to say anything.

„Wait!“, he said. He left the doorway and came back with boxer shorts on. „Come in, Y/N.“ Without hesitation I entered their home.

The house had a comfy interior. The upholstered furniture and wooden walls made me want to stay here. The TV was on mute but some music kept playing in the background. A lot of beer bottles and cigarette stubs were lying on the coffee table. Did Darrell‘s parents know what was going on here?

„Y/N, catch it!“ From close to scratch a beer can flew into my direction and I fortunately caught it. It could’ve knocked me out. Rex was standing in the kitchen laughing.

„Rex, don’t do that ever again. I’m fragile.“, I joined his laughter.

I felt so much more comfortable. Comfortable enough to make the first step.

„I’m really sorry about what happened on Sunday night. I should have said something. I felt so bad that I haven’t left my room since then.“, I cried.

„It’s not your fault. It’s better to be careful than jumping immediately into someone’s car. Y/N, don’t cry. You had the guts to search for me and ring the bell. Pssst. Stop crying.“ His fingers dried my tears like they used to in the club earlier. He really worried about me and made me feel less alone. My tearful eyes looked into his puppy eyes. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer. His lips touched mine. I smelled his shampoo. It was a mix of vanilla and coconut and made me want to eat bits of it. His hot breath grew damp on my glasses, so I took it off and placed it on the coffee table next to the cigarette stubs. Within seconds he took off my shirt, threw it in the corner of the living room and tried to open my bra with one hand. I was really surprised he managed to open it. This time I didn’t hesitate to let him do this. I needed him so badly.

He cupped my breasts and pinched my nipples while he was still kissing me. I let his tongue enter my mouth. The sweetness of his lips cried for more. His hands slid downward to my waistband and opened the zipper of my jeans. I stood almost completely naked in front of a rockstar. Though I wasn’t the thinnest girl he made me feel confident and desired. After exposing my ass he grabbed and squeezed the lovable fat of my butt. He ached for more. I was extremely close to him and his boner pressed against my belly. Rather than moving anywhere, I just closed my eyes and surrendered to this moment. Rex knew that I was ready for him and gently pushed my body towards the couch. With his hands on my shoulder he pulled me down and towered over me. He took off my slip and spread my legs. Carefully he thrusted into me and moved to the rhythm of music playing in the background. My cup of happiness was filled. This is what I wanted. My daydream came true.

His long hair tickled my face. I touched his hair which was so smooth and fluffy. He looked so cute with his bangs.

His pace was getting faster and his thrusts harder. The way he groaned into my neck made me horny. I clasped my legs around his waist and pulled him closer, so he thrusted deeper. Consequently my moans were getting louder. Straight after my body was filled with his warm juice. After releasing himself his sweaty body crushed onto me and his heart was heavily beating against mine. He carefully unplugged himself, grabbed a blanket and covered us with it. We had to do this much earlier. Never have I craved that much for love. This man turned my whole world upside down. All through the night we lied on the couch caressing each other until I decided to leave. I got dressed and gave Rex a passionate kiss until I realized I’m trapped. I went by Vinnie‘s car and it’s already half past midnight.

„Rex, do you mind driving me home?“, I asked carefully.

Without any hesitation he replied: „Sure, Y/N, I would do anything for you.“

The next few days went by so quickly. Rex and I were partying at the Abbott‘s house, cuddling in the cinema or just dancing in the club. I completely forgot about the upcoming vacation in New Orleans. My parents insisted on going with me because it would probably be our last vacation together as I’m an adult now. When I asked them for money they couldn’t emphasize enough that I’m not a teenager anymore but forcing me to go on vacation was mandatory. I enjoyed staying in New Orleans in the past to hook up with Philip but the current situation has made it difficult. Not that I didn’t want to see Phil. The relationship with Rex wasn’t defined yet. We were lovers who had a great time together but it was too early to tell whether we’re in a steady relationship or just dating. But I always was above myself when I met him.

Present

„Mom, can I have your car this evening?“, I beseeched, hoping for some help.

„We have spoken about it, darling. Last time you crashed our car. We had to pay 1000 dollars for the repair. We trust in you but we want to go on vacation tomorrow.“, my mom kept reading the newspaper without looking at me.

I’ve had enough. They haven’t let me use the car since the accident.

„Can I use the telephone at least?“, I said ironically, expecting a harsh response from my mother. She didn’t react.

I stood up and dialed Darrell‘s phone number. It was half past 2 in the afternoon. They were probably sleeping. After 3 beeps someone finally picked up the phone: „Hello, who’s there?“

A familiar voice yelled at the telephone receiver and made me wince. Vinnie was already awake and it wasn’t him I wanted to talk to. But it was urgent.

„Hey Vince, it’s me, Y/N.“

„Good morning, Rex is not here. He didn’t come home last night. Dunno what he’s doing, man. Can’t help, sorry, dude.“

„And where could he be right at the moment?“, I already had teary eyes.

„Dude, I don’t know. Fucking some other girl? Okay, sorry for my crude manners.“ Vinnie sounded annoyed. It was sheer torment to talk to him.

„Could you tell him to call me asap? I need to talk to him. It’s important.“, I begged, fearing that Vince wouldn’t tell Rex.

„Yeah, sure, man. Bye.“

Don’t cry, I thought to myself, don’t turn around to your mother. Without saying a word I left the kitchen and locked myself in my bedroom.

Rex didn’t call me. I was sad, incredibly upset and I had to leave this morning. Actually I should’ve taken the bus to the club and found him. But I was too tired from packing my bags. For that reason I went to bed early and slept until my mom woke me up.

The flight was delayed but we still managed to arrive in time for dinner in the hotel restaurant. In complete silence we sat at the table and listened to a big band playing. I lost time thinking about Rex and my not answered phone call. Him fucking other girls in the secret booth or his shitty groupie van. Why was I so angry at him? He didn’t do anything wrong and had a life too. But his home was Abbott's house and this is where he was supposed to be sleeping. Lost in thoughts I ate my spaghetti and watched the big band.

My mom interrupted my trance: „Honey, dad and I want to go to our hotel room. You’ve been eating your dinner for 1 hour. We’re going to pay and you can leave when you want to. Okay, sweetie?“

„Hm? Yeah, it's okay, mom. Good night. Don’t wait for me for breakfast tomorrow.“

„Good night, honey.“ My dad gave me a kiss on my head and they both left the restaurant.

I gave up on finishing dinner and also decided to leave. Fortunately I didn’t share a bedroom with my parents anymore. I could come and leave when I wanted to. So that I had nothing to worry about, I jumped under the shower, changed my clothes and put on makeup. Nervously I dialed Philips number and waited for someone to answer the call. And it was actually Philip who picked up the phone.

„Hello?“ How I missed his voice. So deep and sexy.

„Hey Philip, guess who’s New Orleans?“, I laughed.

„Your voice sounds familiar. Do you have long hair and a big butt? That girl that loves to suck my dick? Then yeah, it’s Y/N.“

„Do you want me to suck your dick tonight?“, I moaned. He loved it when I moaned into his ear while he was taking me.

„It’s already getting hard, baby.“, he groaned.

„Meet me at the hotel? Same place as every year?“

„30 minutes? Can’t wait, babe. See ya later.“

„See ya.“, I hung up.

I couldn’t imagine what I did. Three days ago I had a nice evening with Rex in the club and then had sex in his car. Now I was playing with the devil again because it felt like Rex dumped me the night before I left. Though he really didn't, it was like he cheated on me. Now it was my turn.

30 minutes was a long time and I was bored of waiting for Philip to come. So I decided to visit the bar and get some of those fuzzy drinks to get ready.

The hotel bar was quite empty because it was a Wednesday evening and people had to work tomorrow. I lounged in a burgundy colored armchair and enjoyed drinking a martini which was delicious rather than drinking beer in the sticky club. I wore my tightest black dress with a huge cleavage and what a surprise, I bedecked myself with red high heels. Philip always got so horny when I was dressed a bit slutty. But not only Philip was interested in me. Bunch of other men in the bar were staring at my long legs.

I ordered my second martini and checked the time. 10 minutes left. Time to smoke a cigarette.

It was a cold evening. He would see my nipples through my transparent dress. And then he arrived, dressed in light blue jeans and a black shirt, casual. He smirked and whistled.

„Hey babe, wanna fuck?“, he asked nonchalantly. I pulled him close and kissed him seductively. His tongue immediately parted my lips and left a wet spot on my chin. He pressed me against the wall and didn’t care about the people who joined me smoking earlier. The way he touched my body made me shiver. I couldn’t wait to enter my hotel room and him to enter me. The hotel guests were staring at us. Unsurprisingly Philip showed him the middle finger and we both went inside. He clapped my ass as we entered the lobby, on our way to the elevator.

In the very next moment we were alone in the elevator and Philip decided to push a button to stop the elevator from moving.

„Ever had sex in the elevator?“, he whispered in my ear.

At exactly the same time he lifted me up, pressed me against the cold mirror behind us and continued brushing his lips against mine. He was an excellent French kisser. He pushed his tongue deeper into my throat which made me gag. Then he stopped for a second, unbuckled his belt and unpacked his long dick. He searched for my slip until he realized I wasn’t wearing any.

„Dirty little thing, and so wet.“, his deep voice made me even wetter.

„Fuck me right now! I’m starving.“, I beseeched.

„But didn’t you tell me you want to suck me dick first?“

„I would do everything for a good fuck.“

„On your knees!“

I kneed in front of Philip’s huge cock and started sucking. At the same time he grabbed a bunch of my hair and started moving my head back and forth. His cock filled my mouth entirely and let my saliva drop down.

„You’re a good girl. In return for your services I’m gonna fuck till you walking side to side.“, he moaned.

He pressed my face against the mirror, left my dress and screwed me doggy style. With legs wide open I felt how his balls bumped against my clit.

„Gosh, you’re so tight, baby.“, he remarked.

I pressed my butt closer to his dick so that he thrusted harder. But he stopped.

With the devil's smile he demanded: „We should go into your bedroom to finish this.“ His dick left my pussy and made me feel empty.

I obeyed and pushed the button to let the elevator slide up to the 3rd floor. Hurriedly we walked to the hotel room and opened the door. My room was a bit untidy but Philip didn’t care about that. Clothes were laying on the floor but I still haven’t unpacked my luggage. It smelled like perfume and shampoo because I showered earlier. Philip always loved my perfume. His soft side described my smell as flowery and sweet.

„Why are you still clothed?“, I noticed while I sprawled on my bed seductively. Full of verve I threw my high heels over to Philip. He jumped on top of me and pressed my arms against the bed. Right away he undressed himself and I could do nothing but stare at his perfectly formed body. His chest was so smooth and his skin was tanned. While he took off his pants I also undressed me. We were both completely naked and horny. I automatically opened my legs to grant him entrance. He immediately thrusted into my wet pussy while groaning into my ears. His kisses on my neck made me moan and left a trail of hickies. My parents would totally know what I did last night. I was happy their room wasn’t next to mine.

Filled with lust he fastened his pace until I screamed: „Philip, fuck, I’m gonna cum. Please don’t stop.“

„Babe, you feel so good.“ These were his last words before he filled my cup.

„Fuck, I’ve missed this.“, he said breathlessly. Slowly he removed his body and took a deep breath. I stood up to clean myself in the bathroom. As I was done showering, I found Philip covered in my blanket and sleeping in my bed.

The next morning something happened I would never have expected. I woke up and saw a huge breakfast buffet on my bed. Croissants, fruits, juice and coffee well arranged on a silver plate. The smell of coffee tickled my nose. I loved coffee. The shower stopped splashing and I saw a shadow leaving the steam. With only a towel around the waist Philip entered the bedroom and sat down on the edge of my bed.

„Good morning! I secretly grabbed some food from the buffet.“, he softly said.

„Oh wow, Philip. This is so… kind. Is everything okay?“, I asked carefully. I didn’t know he’s up to doing that.

„I thought you’re hungry. I mean, you know, I fucked you like an animal last night.“

„Thank you. I don’t know what to say.“

„So it’s my turn to speak. I’ve got big news for you but it’s a surprise. I won’t tell you anything. Just see.“, he kept being mysterious.

I hated surprises. Even birthday surprises were a big deal. He slipped closer to me and gave me a kiss on my forehead. That kind of love language wasn’t typical for him. Slowly I accepted him as a sweetheart. At first I used him as a distraction but the more I looked at him the more I fell in love with him. Instead of being happy about things finally going further in our relationship, I ended up having the worst lovesickness ever. There was another person waiting for me. Rex. I haven’t called him yet. I just drove to New Orleans without leaving any message. Which one was more likely to forget? I would come home and be near Rex. Philip still would be in New Orleans. It sounded easy. Forget about Philip. This would be my last vacation hereafter. My parents wouldn’t beg me anymore. The time had come. I was a legal adult. Old enough to choose between two men.

„Philip.. I…“, I couldn’t finish my sentence.

„Call me Phil. You sound like my mom.“, he laughed. His still wet hair left drops of water on my thigh while he was crawling closer to me. He put the tray aside and towered over me. Why didn’t he let me finish my sentence? I was about to break up with him. Was I? But his perfectly shaped body and his tanned southern skin bewitched me instead. I grabbed his towel which was still tied around his waist and exposed his boner. With closed eyes I surrendered to his desire and we moved to the same rhythm until the end of day.

We did this everyday until I had to leave. I haven’t spoken about it with anyone. My parents didn’t know what I had been doing for a week. Excuses like „I am tired“ or „I want to go for a walk alone“ appeared on my agenda. I couldn’t tell my mom after being lovesick because I nearly dumped Rex that I hooked up with the next guy. She knew in the past that I went to a club here in New Orleans to see Phil's band Razor White. But since he left the band he has been more susceptible to my needs. I was indeed very curious why he left the band and if he found something new but all he could reveal was that it would be recommencement. For who? For us? He wanted me to be patient and didn’t even tell me how long I had to wait.

The goodbye last night was kind of emotional. We managed to sneak out of my room and nestled on the beach. Though it was November and freezing we snuggled in a blanket and watched the sunset. We smooched under the starry sky without thinking about our future. Without the fear of consequences we lived in the moment. We were happy but at what cost?

[downwiththemoralmajority]

Eyes Of The South

Phil Anselmo x OC

Words: 2273

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, make out scene

After 8 years Linda will finally meet Phil again. But will Donna, her best friend, form an obstacle?

„Hurry up! I don’t want to be late.“

„Dude chill“, I shout back, not really chilled actually. I’ve been searching all afternoon for my leather jacket and I haven’t found it yet. Not in my closet and neither in the wardrobe. I can’t leave the house without my beloved leather jacket.

„You searching for the jacket again, aren’t you? C‘mon, it’s 1995. We’re not in the eighties anymore.“, Donna hisses. She always wants to leave so early. Either she’s too fast or I’m too slow. Nothing in between.

She continues complaining: „Okay, listen, Linda. This isn’t Pantera. This isn’t 1987. We will visit the release party of Down‘s new album. And do you really think Phil will remember you?“

I haven’t seen Phil in eight years. And I agree with Donna. My stomach hurts by the fact that he didn’t think of me. I turn around to look at Donna: „Don’t be so skeptical. You can’t forget a person who was in Highschool with each other and friends later on.“ Though we’ve had a really good time, I doubt that it will be the same again but at least he will remember. Donna is just jealous that she’d never had a male best friend. A good-looking male best friend.

Donna and I met last summer and we developed a kind of „purpose relationship“. People would call it toxic but we have to get along. Her mom is my boss. Every month she hosts a so-called staff gathering in her mansion and Donna is usually around. So we started talking and became friends. Unfortunately we now have to stay friends because I don’t know what could happen between me and her mom.

„Okay, sorry, Donna for being late. I can’t find my jacket. But let me ask you. We have plenty of time. So, how did you manage to get us on the guest list for their release party?“, I am really curious. Why didn’t I ask earlier? We don’t talk much about our personal life. Everything is always about her mom‘s job. But not much about her hobbies, her friends.

„Oh sweetheart“, she always calls me that, „you know, my mom owns a lot of venues in New Orleans and one of those locations is where the party‘s gonna be. Haven’t I told you that yet?“ Surely not, I mumble hoping she wouldn't notice. It’s the influence on everything. It’s clear that she doesn’t have real friends in life. She continues: „And I heard you talking about Phil Anselmo and my mom was talking about a band called Down and so she managed to get us on the guest list.“ Inwardly I want to kiss her mom‘s ass for having a big influence. But that’s not how I wanted to seek Phil‘s attention.

After listening to Donna‘s highfalutin talk I admit that there’s no chance of finding my leather jacket. I pack my purse and grab the keys.

The engine started revving as soon as I turned the keys. Thanks to Donna‘s mom for giving me a good salary so I can afford a new car. It’s a black Ford Escort and I’m glad to have it. I have a look in the driving mirror and I reverse out of the parking space. The sun is almost down and the blue sky turns into a yellow and red sunset. Though I swear to never smoke in a new car, I lit up my cigarette and opened the window. Donna imitates me. Since when did she smoke? What I didn’t realize until now was her new hair color. Almost the same color as my hair dye. „Could you please turn the radio on? I hope for a new Michael Jackson song.“, she requests. Oh, please, no. I hate the local radio stations. But your wish is my command, I think.

She starts singing, badly, worse. My fist was not even one meter away from her and I could have punched her in her throat. What makes me so angry about her recently? She even imitates my dress style. I shouldn’t think about that.

We arrive at Eyes of the South at 9 o‘clock in the evening. It was a huge building next to the shore. The black close-drawn curtains make the venue look so exclusive. Surely not every person is allowed to be a guest.

We were at the restaurant last Friday. Donna craved some ribs and she had no better idea than wasting her time in her mom‘s restaurant. I still cringe at the thought of Donna‘s eating techniques. Her face and hands full of sauce. And she wonders why she still doesn’t have a boyfriend. But I had to provide more sauce and more alcohol for her. I didn’t like to wait tables when she was around. She often went all out and didn’t want to pay anything.

The huge billboard in front of the restaurant offers ten percent off if you buy 2 pounds of ribs. Next to the door a security guard decides whether you’re welcome or not. We go straight to him and show him our ID cards. He nods and permits us entrance.

I was so tentative when I first entered the room full of celebrities and strangers. A masculine body odor tickles my nostrils and the thought of being one of the few women makes me feel special. All eyes are on us when we open the door but I couldn’t see Phil. Oh my god, I hope he’s here.

„Linda!“, Donna screams enthusiastically, „I think I know where you’ve lost your leather jacket.“ My eyes widen. She grabs my arms and leads me to the locker room. „Have a look, Linda. Last chance to find your jacket. It must be here. I couldn’t think of anywhere else.“ As soon as I entered the stuffy and untidy room, I heard the door slamming. Fuck, Donna trapped me! In total darkness I manage to turn on the lights. I am going to freak out. I was furious. What is Donna’s plan? I have to put myself in Donna’s position. What would I do next? I would grab a bottle of whisky, drink a little bit, complain about the tangy flavor, cough and no, that doesn’t help. Okay, next try, Linda. She would dress and dye her hair like me, trap me in the locker room, put on shades and then make her way towards Phil. Suddenly, my heart is beating faster and I start breathing heavily. I am about to scream but I don’t know if they could hear me. Oh, they actually should hear me. More interesting is that I heard what they are talking about at the party, that DONNA is talking to Phil. This little bitch. I’m gonna beat her up as soon as i leave this room.

„Phil? Is that you?“ I hear Donna purring. Sure is that Phil. Why shouldn’t you recognize him? He’s in every music magazine. He’s a rockstar. You should recognize him. Don’t ask that stupid questions. Don’t act like I would be that dumb.

„Do I know you? And yeah, my name‘s Phil.“ I hope he won't react like this when he meets the real me. To hear what they’re talking about I put my ear much closer to the door. Goddamn, it’s so hard to understand.

„Let’s play a guessing game. We were friends in High School and haven’t seen each other in eight years.“ Oh girl, please shut the fuck up. I would never talk like this. Wait, now it’s Phil responding.

„Umm, it’s hard to tell, you know, I’ve had some friends in school and I haven’t seen lots of them for a long time. Maybe take off your shades and I will guess.“

Yes, take off those stupid shades. Who is wearing shades in the middle of the evening in a restaurant? Okay, she hasn’t answered yet. I still need a little time to.. oh, WHAT IS THIS? Donna was right. My leather jacket! Phil’s leather jacket he gave me before he left high school. He will know that I’m the real Linda. Okay, that sounds like a movie. Let me think about it.

A sudden flash of inspiration crossed my brain. I frisk myself and find the fucking keys for the locker room in my pocket. I have keys for the locker room because I fucking work here! Okay, I’m really that dumb.

Hurriedly I rummage around my pocket for the keys and unlock the door. Heavy sweating from being trapped inside the locker room I jump outside and slam the door.

With heavy steps I walk towards Fake Linda and Phil with my leather jacket on and say gently: „Thanks Donna, I’ve found the jacket. I would’ve never found it if you didn’t lock me in the locker room.“

I can see through her shades how embarrassed she is. Without making a sound she leaves the round and goes to the bar, grabs a bottle of whisky, takes a sip and coughs.

Donna isn’t the only one who is uncomfortable. I stand in front of Phil and don't know what to expect. I flash him a glance hoping he will remember me. He looks different now. His hair is darker and short. He has a short beard. His flannel shirt and his Bermuda shorts seem so normal compared to what he used to wear in his glam days.

„You still have my leather jacket.“, he smirks. He mentions it like nothing happened. Like he totally forgot about the five minutes alone with Donna. All focused on me.

I am plain: „Phil, I don’t know what to say. I believed you forgot about me. Pantera, Down, touring. I wear this jacket everyday. It reminds me of the good old times.“ And of course that I’m still in love with you. Without saying a word he just hugs me passionately. I can’t stop smelling his perfume mixed with smoke and beer. He hugs me deeply until he lets loose.

„My dear Linda, how could I forget about you? I will never forget what it means to have a best friend.“ His smile widens. His brown eyes fixate on mine until I interrupt his stare. „Shall I get us a drink?“ I ask. He instantly grabs my hand and we both walk towards the bar.

After chatting with Phil and jamming with his band colleagues I decided to leave the gathering. I was a bit drunk and the sooner I stop drinking the more I can drive. Visibly sad, I stand up and search for the keys. I find them but suddenly Phil grabs my hand and pulls me down on the couch. „You won’t go anywhere. You’re drunk. I don’t let you drive.“, he says firmly but kindly. I fall down on his lap. I can’t be any closer to Phil and haven’t been since high school. Childishly he holds my keys and throws them to Pepper, Down‘s guitarist. He laughs and hides them behind his back. I jump to Pepper who isn’t willing to give me the keys back. „Kiss me, if you want your keys back.“, Pepper can’t stop laughing. I glance at Phil and see that he isn’t very amused about Pepper‘s offer. To the disadvantage of Pepper‘s attempt to kiss me I suddenly steal my keys and hide in Phil’s arms. Phil holds me close and caresses my belly. I sink deeper into his body and feel like I’m on cloud nine.

Carefully he stands up, takes my hand and asks me softly: „Could you show me where you’ve been locked for five minutes?“ Shivers go down my spine. I have goosebumps. This is definitely cloud nine.

I take the keys and unlock the locker room. We both enter the room and Phil immediately shut the door, cups my face and kisses me so passionately like he’s been waiting for me all the years. Fiercely we fall against the lockers. He presses me against it and I feel his strong muscles. His toned arms hold me close. I open my lips and let his tongue in. My legs start to shake, so he takes them and lifts me up. He was even closer to me with my legs around him and I could feel his boner between them. „Fuck, Linda“, he breaths heavily, „where have you been all those years?“ I couldn’t make a sound. I just continue kissing him until my lips are sore and wet.

„I would fuck you right here, Linda. But I don’t have a condom.“ A sudden feeling of sadness stops my passion. My legs are heavy and I try not to cry. Why am I so sensitive right now? Is it the booze or because I’m in love with Phil?

Phil’s idea interrupts my thoughts: „But no problem. Let’s disappear! To my hotel room.“ His devious smile clears away the cobwebs. He grabs my hand again and we leave the locker room. Phil waves to his band mates and smirkes. They surely know what we’re going to do.

„Phil, before we go I want to check if my car is locked, okay?“, I insist. He nods. The car is locked. That’s fine. But what the hell is this? I fucking scream. I punch my car, I kick my tires.

„That fucking bitch lanced my tires! All four of them!“ Furiously I jump up and down and try to not lose countenance.

He steps forwards and holds me close. I stop screaming. „Let’s go to your hotel room. I have to let off steam.“ He claps my ass and I forget about my car and Donna.

[downwiththemoralmajority]

By Demons Be Driven

Phil Anselmo x OC

Word count: 2176

Warnings: explicit sex scene, implied hostage situation, mental illness, drug abuse, needles, gaslighting

Josephine Barker finds herself in a hopeless situation. What kind of incident caused that time warp? Is she really insane or just abused?

I was tripping kinda hard on weed as I walked down the damn road. Gosh, my best friend‘s house is always so hard to find after smoking pot. The sunlight felt like a comet burning through my eyes and the sunglasses didn’t make it even better. Even worse, as I would say. That stupid pavement still wasn’t intact so I almost stumbled upon my own feet. To calm down I just stood there, breathed in and out and continued moving.

After the ten minute walk, I took a look on my smartphone to navigate through this boring neighborhood. Well, it looks like I almost arrived at her house. Still slurping my coke, I put down my phone and made my way up that pretty entrance. What a beautiful front yard, I thought to myself, how does she manage to keep that so clean while being high all the time and why does it look so different from what I remember? I stopped thinking, which is the best option for me sometimes. The sun burned on my already red neck. No shady trees in sight. When did she cut it? When was the last time I visited her? Yesterday? Okay, I should stop thinking.

I rang the massive gold doorbell. Waiting. Thinking. STOP THINKING, I tried to calm down. I left my sunglasses on, so Tawny couldn’t see my red eyes. But it wouldn’t matter because her eyes are as red as mine. She should stop smoking. It’s not good for her. And it’s expensive. When did she paint the front anthracite? She can afford a painter?

The door finally opened and a familiar smell crossed my nose. Yes, this is definitely Tawny's house. The sweet smell of pot felt like home but as soon as I looked up and realized who was standing in front of me, I stopped chewing on the paper straw, heavily wet from the coke and my saliva. The cup of coke fell down and left a wet spot on Phil Anselmo‘s well decorated porch. PHIL ANSELMO. Fuck.

„This is the wrong house.“, I mumbled. I looked down but I felt his devious smile on my cheeks which were as red as my sunburn on my neck. I tried to catch a glimpse of him without looking stoned as hell. A shiver raced down my spines as I smelled a mix of his body odor, weed and his masculine perfume. The coke wasn’t the only thing which left a wet spot on Phil’s porch. I felt like I lost my damn mind while Phil was starting to take a step forward. His gray chest hair stuck out of his green bathrobe. Is he wearing something underneath? Do I want to find out? These thoughts brought a smile to my face which he immediately noticed. He stepped on step closer and grasped me around my hips. „This isn’t the wrong house, is it?“, he asked in his raspy deep voice which I’ve never heard in real life until now. I remember staring at him while sitting stoned on Tawny‘s couch and watching outside the window. Sometimes I wondered if he ever caught a glimpse of me. Then I realized that he is a famous rockstar who is out of reach. But he’s also a human with needs.

„Your friend lives next door, doesn’t she?“, he was curious.

I was surprised that he paid attention. I nodded.

One hand left my hips and removed the sunglasses I was wearing. He put it on the shelf next to him and pulled me even closer. A sense of excitement came over me and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Oh, what a slut I am, I thought to myself. My jeans skirt was so short, they could see my garter if I stretched.

His hands moved to my ass and pulled me into his house. He shut the door and pressed me against it. Everything was happening so fast and I couldn’t help but start kissing him passionately. While cupping my chin he deepened the kiss and entered his tongue in my mouth. Our teeth clashed together and let my head vibrate. Fuck, my whole body wanted him. I just had to ring the wrong doorbell to find out. My hands started to touch his body. Starting with tickling his neck I slid downwards to his hairy chest leaving scratch marks. He moaned into my mouth while thrusting his tongue deeper and deeper into my throat. I gagged and left a lot more scratch marks on his upper body. So he took my hands away from his body and pressed it against the door behind me. The wooden door rubbed against the back of my hands but that pain was nothing compared to pain I had between my thighs. I needed him so badly. I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I had to take the next step. But how? Without moving my hands I couldn’t do anything but to please: „fuck me.“ He stopped kissing and looked at me. His eyes were teasing me. He slowly loosened his grip and I felt relieved but he took both of my hands with just one of his. His other hand found its way between my legs.

„Touch me please.“, I whined.

A moan left my mouth and my mind was already a pressure cooker going insane.

He felt the wetness of the fabric and rubbed it in circles. First slowly, then fastening the pace. Though my clit was already sore he didn’t stop rubbing. I still couldn’t move my hands and it drove me crazy. And I was about to cum.

„Phil, please“, I whined louder, „fuck me.“ Tears rolled down my cheeks. Finally, he released his grip, grabbed my legs and picked me up.

While he was carrying me I felt his hard cock between my legs. On a website people said that his dick is 10 inches long. I should stop reading stuff like this when I’m stoned. Anyway, I want that 10 inches inside of me. 10 inches of Phil fucking Anselmo.

He placed me on the couch, first removed my shirt and my bra exposing my tits. His brown eyes were staring at my bare chest while he slowly undressed me.

My Doc Marten boots were still on and probably left some dirt on his couch. I moved forwards to reach my boots and started to disentangle the shoelaces. But Phil interrupted me: „Lay down, princess.“ He pressed me down with his palm and disentangled my shoes. Goddamn, he’s such a gentleman, I thought. While laying on the couch my eyes wandered around the room. Some leftover dishes in the sink, a full ashtray on the coffee table, vinyls hanging on the wall. How the fuck did I get here? I started thinking again. „Stop thinking“, I heard a voice from a man towering over me. At first I thought it was my inner self talking to me again but it was Phil who interrupted my thoughts.

„Hey, is everything okay?“ I heard that voice again but it didn’t sound as sweet as I heard it minutes ago. As I moved my body I felt the uneven and firm concrete. The sun burned and the pavement was getting hotter the longer I layed on it. Sweat rolled down my cheeks and I could hardly move my hand to wipe it off. A hand reached out to me, grabbed my arms and lifted me. Fully dehydrated I was about to fall again but the tall and hench man helped me.

„Should I call the ambulance?“, he was worried. After placing me on the couch on his porch, he went inside and came back with a bottle of water. He handed me the bottle and I sipped the water slowly. Finally being in a shady place I now realized what’s going on. I’ve had a sunstroke. How long did I lay on the pavement? Where is Tawny? I looked up to the man and recognized a familiar face. I wasn’t lying on Phil Anselmo's couch but his porch. He wasn’t wearing only his bathrobe. He’s fully clothed and probably about to go. Fucking pot. It felt like a fever dream.

„Where the fuck am I?“, I asked him.

„Well, probably not where you wanted to be.“, he responded. „Do you need anything else? Do you want me to drive you home?“ Oh my god, his deep and raspy voice made me shiver. He touched my forehead to check if I had a fever. Oh, please don’t stop, Phil. Though I’m completely beat, I felt the urge to make my dream come true.

The loud ringing of my phone brought me back to reality. A message from Tawny. Wow, thank you. A bit too late. Hello sis, I had to leave earlier than expected. No need to come. I hope you didn’t smoke too much. It’s so hot outside. Drink some fluids and don’t get a sunstroke. Love ya, gurl. xoxo

DON’T SMOKE TOO MUCH. DON'T GET A SUNSTROKE. Love you, too, Tawny, I thought angrily. „Why didn’t you see me lying on the fucking concrete and help me up, you fucking stoned piece of shit!“

Phil looked at me and I didn’t realize I said this out loud.

„Well, I think Tawny is a stoned piece of shit.“, he laughed.

I joined in his laughter.

„Do you want to come in?“, he suddenly asked. „I have an AC and more cool drinks“, he added.

I felt dizzy again. My head was starting to explode and I couldn’t move. But he helped me up and carried me into his living room. Carefully he placed me on the couch.

This isn’t the wrong house baby, he smirked.

—

„FUCK! Please stop, Phil.“ The room starts to move. The white flannel sheets feel like concrete. So bone-crushing and heavy. I am so thirsty and hot. My brain is about to explode and everything is so loud. Fuck, why is it so loud? Stop talking, Phil. Stop thinking. Don’t look at me like this. Please call Tawny. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to go inside. I don’t want you to press me against the door. Don’t fucking touch me! I try to reach out for the ashtray next to me to smash that thing against the vinyls on the wall. But I can’t grab it. It’s suddenly two meters away and I’m not on the couch. I’m lying on the pavement and hear the emergency sirens. The car stops and Tawny jumps out. Dressed as a nurse. Followed by Phil. He grabs my hand and drags me along the floor. He places me on top of the couch again. Over and over again. I scream at him. He’s wearing his green bathrobe again. I smell his perfume. It smells like weed. No, it’s the ashtray which smells like weed. Fuck me. No, leave me alone. Call Tawny. Where is Tawny? Who is Tawny? I got a sunstroke. I‘m so high. LEAVE ME ALONE.

„Shh, everything is okay. Phil isn’t here, Ms Barker.“, she says and turns around to the doctor. „We have to sedate Ms Barker immediately. She’s hallucinating again.“

I‘m in the fucking hospital again. I don’t call it rehab because I’m not actually addicted to something. Am I not? The cool ceiling light makes me shiver. It seems like they haven’t paid the bills yet because it keeps jittering. But if I tell them their only response is: you’re hallucinating. Well, thank you. The room interior is very spartan. A bed, a nightstand, a wardrobe and a chair. Next to my arms the infamous handcuffs and next to my feet the shackle. They treat me like an animal. An animal in the zoo or experimental laboratory. I‘m not allowed to do anything wrong because they would come with that big fat ass needle with some so-called sedative which makes me sleepy and obedient. Wait. Obedient.

The doctor responds: „We diagnosed her with a schizophrenic disorder.“ I feel a stabbing pain in my arm. Fuck, they did it again. The cool fluid is rushing through my veins until it reaches my brain. The dizziness I felt when I was lying on Phil’s porch, I am now feeling again. What kind of biased trail is this?

He continues: „It’s common for schizophrenics to see things which aren’t real. Her drug abuse caused this disease. I will make a description for clozapine.“

Wait! I am what? A schizo? Did he call me a schizo? Good lord, please help me. I start to shake my legs and my arms. I want to stand up but the nurse and the doctor won’t let me. I’m handcuffed. Fine.

After tying me up he searches for his prescription book and fills out the blank spaces. After handing the book over to the nurse, he moves his chair to me, handcuffed and obedient.

„Good Morning Ms Barker. My name is Dr. Anselmo and I will help you out of this mess.“

[downwiththemoralmajority]

Hitching a ride - part 3

Word count: 3741

Billie Joe Armstrong x OC

Warnings: live without warnings!

While watching the rain outside I thought about the last two days. It was summer and it didn’t stop raining and thundering. I’ve been waiting for the business conference to end so I can finally be with Billie. A bad atmosphere was around here and I heard them arguing but I couldn’t understand anything. Suddenly Billie jumped out of the room and slammed the door. I winced. I took a look behind and saw Billie running to the exit. My father, John and the other band members just sat there looking sad and angry at the same time. As I entered the conference room I had all eyes on me. I asked if I could help but they replied that there is no help needed. I left the room and searched for Billie. He was filled with rage and I only remembered him being chilled and full of love. Last night he told me he struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, that he drinks a lot and takes pills. I understood. It was a brutal business he was dealing with and trying to create a masterpiece was beyond my imagination. I didn’t know anything about mental illness and I didn’t want to hand out any advice. My father told me that Billie didn’t act like a problem child while producing the album. He was a funny guy, he told me. Desperately, I searched through the whole studio for Billie but he was nowhere found. I even searched in the men toilet where I’m not allowed to be. No Billie in sight. I grabbed my jacket and left the building.

Though it was raining the street was crowded and I had to cleave through the mass of people. Where should I go? Oakland was a strange town for me and where would a guy like Billie hide? Now I felt anxious and shivers went down my spine. Not only because it was cold outside. Terrified and unintentionally I screamed his name, but no answer. Just a bunch of people looking at me confused. A tall guy even said I should shut up, he’s making a phone call. Welcome back to America, Lauren. Here you are appreciated. I ran down the street, passing some cafés and stores. The sidewalk was slippery and the faster I ran the riskier it got. Did I run in the wrong direction, I asked myself. Fuck, I didn’t know where to go. It was so hopeless. Suddenly I saw a guy who looked like Billie. I walked across the busy street and managed not to get hit by a car. I had to pause for a moment. I was out of breath.

All of a sudden someone touched my back. He didn’t just touch my back, he also grabbed my butt. Full of fear I stood there and scared stiff. I hope it was Billie who wanted to surprise me. Slowly I turned around and at the same moment someone knocked the stranger over and both of them fell on the ground. Firstly I didn’t realize who it was and I just saw two people fighting. Then I recognized him. Billie. Out of nowhere, in front of me punching the stranger and obviously winning. Actually I’m not into brutality, I didn’t even like wrestling. But I enjoyed Billie beating the groper. Stop, please stop, I heard the stranger yelling. „It’s not my fault. She wanted it.“, the stranger perverted the facts. Billie didn’t want to hear and screamed: „Who the fuck do you think you are, you piece of shit. Stop telling me that motherfucking crap. Does she look like she wants it, huh? Leave my girl alone, you disgusting fucker!“ After one last punch, Billie stopped beating him. He stood up, cleaned himself up and showed the stranger his middle finger. „Now fuck off! I don’t want to see your face again!“ The stranger straightened up and hobbled away. „Look at that poor dog - it’s limping.“, he slagged him cynically. I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought I’m going to get raped. As I took a look at the crowd behind me I noticed that nobody cared. Fights on the street are common in the US. There was no police near us. I hoped nobody would call the cops. It would’ve been a disaster for Green Day. Breaking News: Billie being arrested. Punched a stranger. Green Day has to stop recording their new album. I already could read the headlines of all magazines. The very thought of it made me anxious. I pushed that thought away and turned to Billie. His knuckles were bloody and bruised. He still clenched his fists. As I caressed him he unclenched it. Actually it should be Billie who had to soothe me but I needed him to calm down. It’s impossible to start a conversation with someone who’s fussy. He breathed out and scratched his head. Suddenly he was all smiles. A face marked by sorrow turned into the Billie I knew. Though I was still shocked, I began to laugh. „Oh Billie, my knight in shining armour. Now I’m going to knight you!“, I tried to suppress my anxiety by making jokes. Billie took me at my word and kneeled down in front of me and I acted like I would knight him. My father was right. He was actually really humorous. Billie glorified himself and yelled: „Call me Lord Armstrong. I knocked that guy out so obviously my arms are strong.“ He definitely made me feel better. I hugged him passionately. We stood there for a long time just savouring the moment. I loved the fact that he cared for me and would save me in any situation.

„Let’s go shopping.“, he suddenly said. I took him by his words, grabbed his hand and he led me to the nearest record store. We entered the store and pointed at the alternative music shelf. „So, I’m gonna buy you some Green Day records. I heard it through the grapevine. You don’t listen to our band. Something‘s got to give.“, Billie smirked. Uh-oh, obviously my father couldn’t stop talking. Billie grabbed the albums which were available and went to the cashier. „100 dollars, please.“, said the cashier unimpressed. She didn’t even recognize him. While chewing her gum she packed the CDs in a plastic bag and gave it to Billie. We left the store and Billie grumbled: „What a bitch. She didn’t even look at me while cashing up. Just chewing her fucking gum.“ He imitated the cashier and smacked. I giggled.

Through the pouring rain we made our way through the streets of Oakland. Billie didn’t see the point in going back to the studio. I still didn’t know what happened in the conference room and I was kind of afraid to ask what’s on his mind. We both were extremely soppy but we couldn’t care less. At least I had a jacket on. Billie only wore his hoodie which was gushed with wetness. Raindrops dropped off his face and he often wiped it away with his wet sleeve. He still held my hand during our walk. Gently he caressed the back of my hand with his thumb. I felt so treasured when I was with him. It started to thunder again and he promptly stopped walking. „Let’s hide here.“, suggested Billie and pointed at the alleyway next to us. I followed him and took off my hood as we reached the shelter. „Why don’t we just go back to the studio? We could have a drink and rest.“, I asked him cautiously. He sighed and closed his eyes. It wasn't impossible to notice that he evaded my question. He obviously didn’t want to be there. What did happen, I asked myself. Few minutes ago he was happy. But his face turned dark again. I needed to cheer him up. But was I brave enough? I haven’t seen him that melancholy and angry yet. What should I do? This day felt like a rollercoaster and to be with Billie turned my whole life upside down. Without saying any word I moved closer to him and kissed him. I saw what he needed as he kissed me back. He pressed me against the stony wall and kissed me passionately. Our soaked wet lips pressed on each other and our tongues met again. I could feel the soft tickle of his breath beneath my nose, his breath got warmer. Though I enjoyed the passion of his kiss I stopped him by saying: „Billie, stop. Please stop. I want to go back. I’m freezing and I’m totally wet. This is not the place to hide. Can’t we just go back into the studio? I know something happened and you’re fuming and agitated. If you want to talk about it, I’m here.“ He moved away from me and sighed. Was I too pushy? We’ve known each other for just three days and I acted like I was his long-term girlfriend. But he needed to talk about his problems. He finally opened his mouth: „I can’t go back because I believe it’s my fault. I was the last person who left the building last night. Now it’s all gone.“ His eyes filled with tears and I never saw him that sad. He looked down and shook his head in disbelief. I caressed his arm to show that I cared for him. „Our tapes got stolen. We put so much effort into our album.“, he continued. Full of rage again he kicked a tin can with his foot which lay next to him. The chinking noise of the can made me wince. He felt so hopeless, I thought. I tried to soothe him: „Oh Billie, I know, there is probably no chance left to find those tapes. But I think it’s still in your head.“ I wasn’t actually that good at soothing someone but I noticed that he calmed down a bit. He wanted to tell me something until we got interrupted.

Lauren? Billie? Where are you? I heard my father screaming. We’ve been gone for two hours and I really haven’t thought about being missed. Billie and I turned around to see where the yelling came from. My father crossed the street. It stopped raining. „Ugh, finally I found you. Where have you been?“, my father was worried. Why did my father search for us, not even the producer or their manager? Billie and I looked at each other and Billie smirked. He stopped being a picture of misery. It was too late to stay here and we both decided to follow my father back to the studio.

We entered the studio again and saw a lot of worried faces. Billie decided to leave his wet clothes on and went back to the conference room. I stayed outside the room to be as polite as possible and waited for the conference to be over.

Two hours and four cups of coffee later the door opened. They all looked surprisingly calm and relieved. Yesterday my father introduced me to their main producer Rob Cavallo who also produced Dookie, Insomniac and Nimrod.

I heard them talking about writing and recording new songs. The former recordings weren’t Maximum Green Day, they claimed. Billie, Mike and Tré left the conference room and headed to me. „What’s up, Candy?“, Tré yelled. He still didn’t know my real name. I completely forgot about telling him the truth but I didn’t want to surprise him at that moment. Like friends I high-fived him and he immediately gave me a hug. After that I hugged Mike and finally Billie. „Me and my boys would like to drink something after this shitty day and we want you to come with us. Though the day was filled with obstacles we need to celebrate the new beginning. And for sure with you, sweetheart!“, Billie asked delightedly. His clothes were dry again and he looked so much better. No more anger, just relief. With his beautiful green eyes he looked into my eyes and smirked. He put his arm around me and held me closer. Mike noticed the sexual tension between us and winked at Tré. Secretly he whispered something in Trés ear and they both laughed. Tré peeked at us and suggested: „Oh yeah baby, I think you both need a hotel room don’t you?“ He giggled like a child and Mike bursted into laughter. Seductively Billie caressed my side and gave me a kiss on my cheek. Tré was on the edge and claimed: „So, let’s go, guys and girls. By girls I mean Mike.“ Mike threw a glance at Tré and pinched his bottom. I giggled. My father left the room and made his way to me. „Hey dad!“, I said „the boys and I want to grab some food and later we’re gonna drink something. Is it okay?“ Suspiciously he narrowed his eyes but then smiled: „You are allowed, my princess. You’re old enough. I can’t forbid you to have a nice evening. I’ll be at the hotel when you come back. Take care of Lauren!“ My father hugged me. Tré asked, confused: „Wait, your name isn’t Candy?“ „Sorry, Tré, it was meant to be a little joke.“, I apologized and gave him a little tap on his arm. „Um, Lauren? We can stay here longer if you want to! I see you’re having a good time.“, my father added. My little heart jumped up and down. Completely happy I hugged my dad and took my jacket and purse to go on a drinking journey with Green Day.

The streets were still crowded but the rain stopped falling. It smelled like summer rain. We passed by the alleyway Billie and I used to hide hours ago. I thought about his sad eyes looking at me while he told me the tapes were stolen. Now I looked at a happy Billie who made the best decision to record new songs. We were holding hands while walking through the streets of Oakland. Mike and Tré walked in front of us so they couldn’t see us constantly flirting with each other. As we walked past another alley we decided to just go there to have a short smooching session. The other band members didn’t even notice that we’ve been gone for five minutes. I looked at Billie and he seemed to be happy. So happy to be with me, I hoped.

After a ten minutes walk we finally found an appropriate bar. We entered the pub and nobody seemed to recognize us except the bartender and waiters. A pretty waitress came over to us and tried to flirt with Billie. Unimpressed by the blonde waitress he asked for a table for four people. As the waitress looked at me and Billie he held me even closer and burrowed his face in my hair. Deeply disappointed, she showed us the table and we sat down. A blue light filled the room with a comfortable atmosphere and the interior looked quite expensive. The small wooden table in the middle of the booth provided us with some snacks. We took place on the black leather couch and it sounded like a familiar noise. „Mike, please stop farting, okay? We have a lady on board.“, Tré acted seriously. This made me laugh. I felt so comfortable with these guys. Mike stood up and sat down again to repeat the sound. „This sounds better, Mike.“, I giggled.

The boys ordered each a beer and I went with a Sex on the beach which was extremely strong. I could already feel the dizziness. Though Billie used to drink a lot he tried to resist to stay kind of sober because I was with him. Mike and Tré wanted to get drunk.

„Hey Lauren, I’m bored,'' Billie whispered, „do we want to go elsewhere?“ I grabbed my clothes and said goodbye to Mike and Tré. „See ya tomorrow!“, I yelled because the music was way too loud.

„Let’s steal a bike! We’re a lot faster!“, Billie suggested. I don’t know if it’s a good idea, I thought to myself. We were both a bit drunk but what should happen? He asked me: „Do you have a bobby pin? So I can open the lock.“ I handed him a bobby pin and my hair fell down. I often wore a bun. Billie‘s eyes widened as the hair streamed out behind me. Seductively I combed my hair with my hands and enjoyed Billie drooling. He tried not to get distracted from my seduction and opened the lock. Full of verve he jumped on the bike and offered me the seat behind him: „Do sit down, my lady. We will ride the wild wind.“ The carrier seemed unstable but I grabbed Billie by his hips. „Where do we go?“, I asked while feeling the wind on my face. „It’s up to you, Schnuckiputz.“, Billie answered. He sounded so cute saying Schnuckiputz. It made me think of the time we first met. When we were younger and sat in his van sharing our first kiss. Now we were used to kissing each other. I suggested: „What if we just grab a pizza and nestle in my hotel room?“ „Yeah, let’s go.“, he yelled. We stopped at the next pizzeria and ordered a vegetarian pizza. „It’s better to leave the bike. I can’t hold the pizza while sitting on the carrier. See, there’s the hotel.“, I pointed at the huge building across the street. Billie nodded and we crossed the still busy avenue.

As we entered the hotel lobby the staff gazed at us. We took the stairs because my room was on the first floor. Hastily I opened the door and closed it silently. „Pssst, we have to be quiet. I don’t dare to wake my father. He’s sleeping next to us.“, I whispered.

We ate the pizza in one go and lay down on the bed. As soon as we lay next to each other Billie began to caress me. He kissed my face, my neck and went down on my tummy. Affectionately I caressed his hair and unzipped his hoodie jacket. As I touched his body I felt some muscles underneath his shirt. Billie unlocked my belt and pulled my trousers down. While passionately kissing he lay down on my body and took off my shirt. He smooched my neck and suddenly I was naked. I’ve never felt so much love in my life and I savored every move he made. He took off his jeans and entered me. We kissed like tomorrow’s the end of the world. His moves got faster and finally we came. Out of breath I kissed Billie again and went to the bathroom to clean myself. I jumped on the bed and I nestled up against him. Dizzily I turned out the light and we both fell asleep.

I woke up from a knock on my door. Still tired, I looked on my clock. Billie was still sleeping next to me. Why did I wake up from a knock? I grabbed a shirt and my pants and hurried to the door. It must have been the room service to ask for breakfast. I opened the door and saw my dad standing in front of me looking pale and aghast. “Lauren, I want you to pack your bags. We’re leaving today.”, my father summoned me. Yesterday he told me we would stay longer and I was looking forward to the next few days. Carefully I asked: “Dad, I don’t get it…”. He interrupted me: “My journey’s over here. We’re going home. Twenty minutes left until we must check out.” I could not believe what he just said. Full of anger I shot the door in front of him and screamed “fuck”. Billie woke up from the loud scream and rubbed his eyes. “Good morning, my dear”, he said tiredly, “what are you doing?” “I’m packing my bags.”, I was fuming.

“What? No, you can’t leave me. We’ve just met.”

“Billie, I have to go. My father told me so.”

“But why?” He stood up, put on his clothes and came closer. “My dad is done working here. I don’t know what happened.”, I said with tears in my eyes.

Billie said: “Lauren, you’re old enough to stay here.” He grabbed my hand to stop me from packing. But he could not stop me. “Sure, I’m old enough. But I don’t have that much money to pay for this hotel room. And you have not seen in which current state my dad is in.”

“I could pay for your room.” “No, please don’t do this.”, I said in a harsh voice, surprised by myself. I didn’t want to hurt Billie but I had to take care of my father. As I saw Billie standing there being upset I moved closer to him and apologized: “I’m deeply sorry, Billie. But you have to go now.” Though I was kind of mean to him he instantly hugged me. With all of my heart I kissed him. We kissed passionately as we would never see each other again. Would we see each other again? He headed to the door but suddenly turned around and said: “I love you, Lauren.” My heart jittered and his words healed my soul. I immediately bursted into tears and wrapped my arms around him. “I love you too, Billie.” We kissed again and then he left. The room was filled with darkness and it seemed to start raining again. Not only did it rain outside but also in my head. I repeated his words over and over again in my head and broke down and cried. All my bags were packed and I moved over to the windows if I could catch a glimpse of Billie again but he was all gone. My eyes burned from crying and I didn’t want my father to notice my sadness.

I entered the hotel lobby and my father was already sitting in his car. As I entered the car my dad looked at me vindicated. „I’m so sorry, Lauren. They fired me.“ I couldn’t believe what he just said. Why the hell did they fire him? I caressed his shoulder and soothed him: „You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not your fault.“ He didn’t say anything. The engine revved loudly and we edged off.

I will miss you, Billie, I thought.

[downwiththemoralmajority]

Hitching a ride - part 2

Word count: 3548

Billie Joe Armstrong x OC

Warnings: live without warnings!

„Take care of yourself, darling! But mostly, come back soon!“, said aunt Heidi as she took my hand and squashed it.

9 years went by so fast and I still couldn’t believe I left Germany to go back to the US. I used to live here, speak in my mother tongue, eat German breakfast and go to work here and write articles in German. The more I thought about it the more it felt surreal to me. I still didn’t know why I had to leave Germany again but it felt like it was time to see my parents.

The airport was kind of busy at 8 am. A lot of people were in a hurry and I couldn’t imagine it. I was relaxed. Physically. Mentally I was on another level which I couldn’t describe.

I looked into my aunt's eyes and soothed her: „I’m gonna come back soon! Maybe California isn’t that amazing anymore. I will take the next plane back to you.“ Heidi smiled and wiped away her tears.

„This is the final boarding call for flight 250 to London Heathrow.“ The speakers were so loud that I winced. I hugged my aunt. She didn’t want to let me go but released me after a while.

I headed to the gate where the staff checked the tickets. They were so well-dressed and smiling constantly. I showed them my ticket and passed the gate. Through a long hallway I walked to the plane entrance. I’m glad I had window seats so I could watch the landscape and the ocean. I took my seat and buckled my seatbelt. After 20 minutes and following the instructions we finally lifted off. I searched for my disc-man in my backpack. There was only one CD in my bag so I had to listen to Deep Purple for 2 hours. Hopefully the shop at the airport has a record store so I could buy another CD. The next flight would be much longer.

The time went by so fast and I finally touched down in London where I could speak English again. After cheering and clapping I left the plane and entered the airport. It was 11 o'clock am and busier than before. I searched for a store which had records and I found one. Thank god. But they only had modern music in stock so I asked the staff where I could find some rock music. They showed me a tiny shelf. I could decide between Nirvana and Radiohead. That’s all they’ve got. Fine, I went with Nirvana.

After buying the copy of Nirvana‘s Smells like teen spirit I heard the boarding call for the flight to Los Angeles. I ran through the airport to get to the security check. They opened my bag, took a look at it and waved me through. They all looked so serious. After that I entered the gate, showed my ticket again and left the airport hall. I finally found myself in the plane and this plane was much bigger than the last one. I heard children crying and old people arguing and thought, yes, I was on my way to the US. There was a school class behind me fighting over the window seats. I ignored them. After following the same old instructions and put on my headphones and listened to my music. I closed my eyes and immediately fell asleep.

A tap on my shoulder woke me up and I stared at the stewardess who offered me some beverages. I ordered a whisky on the rocks and asked when it’s lunch time. She answered and said that I still had to wait an hour. While waiting for lunch I looked through the windows and watched the ocean which I barely saw because it was cloudy on this day.

The meal arrived and it smelled good. I’ve had some steak with mashed potatoes and green beans. I was so hungry. The stewardess cleared away and brought me some water. I asked for another whisky. After sipping my beverage I fell asleep again. Suddenly I woke up. The stewardess tapped on my shoulder again. It was kind of embarrassing because I was always sleeping. Carefully she said that it was 7 o clock pm and dinner time. Holy shit, I’ve slept for 6 hours. I ordered a salad and baguette. I still got 5 hours to go but I couldn’t sleep anymore. I thought about the time in Germany and my grandparents, my aunt Heidi and my job. I left it all behind. 9 hours ago I was still in Berlin and said goodbye to my aunt.

Finally I heard the pilot saying „prepare for landing“ and I gazed through the window. Los Angeles was beneath us and I had tears in my eyes. I’m home, I’m finally home. I couldn’t believe it.

We touched down on the holy ground of Los Angeles and it was already 11 o‘ clock pm. The sky was dark but it was still hot. I left the plane and entered the airport. The baggage claim area was already crowded but I found my luggage immediately.

Shortly after I managed to reach the waiting area. I saw my father standing there with a huge poster which said „Welcome back, Lauren“ in the colours of the star spangled banner. I ran faster than ever. Finally I hugged my dad and cried. „I’m so glad you’re back, my princess!“, he sobbed. Stuttering I tried to find words: „Dad, I missed you so much. I can’t believe I’m finally here.“. We both cried. „I’ve got a surprise for you. But I won’t tell you. Just wait.“, he said and seemed so happy. I was on tenterhooks.

We left the airport and went to the parking lot. He still had his old car and it was intact. We didn’t say anything. We were just happy to see each other. Immediately I fell asleep. After the one hour drive we reached home. It was already 12:30 but my mom was still awake to welcome us. I jumped into her arms and she kissed me. I cried again. The last time I cried that much was when I left the US.

I entered my home and my dad carried my luggage into my room.

„I think I need a shower.“, I said exhaustedly. Surprisingly the bathroom looked different. It was all new. They changed the colour of the tiles and it didn’t look old-fashioned anymore. This smelled like my father‘s got a new job. And I was sure what kind of job it is.

After showering I put on my pyjamas and headed downstairs. My parents were still awake. I sat down next to them and we’ve talked for hours. How much we missed each other, about my friends in Germany, my time at the university. But mostly I wanted to know what kind of surprise my father had for me.

„Dad, the bathroom on the upper floor looks amazing. I like the new colour. It was expensive wasn’t it?“, I dug deeper. I caught him red handed and he tried to distract me: „My dear, I think you should go to sleep. I planned a lot for tomorrow. We have to wake up early.“ I wouldn’t ask further questions. I went to bed just because I was totally exhausted. I slept immediately.

The next morning I woke up from a loud noise and a scream. I took a look at the clock and it was already 8 o‘ clock. I had a jetlag, I felt like shit. Curiously I went downstairs to find out where the noise came from. Broken tableware and glass on the kitchen floor. No person around here, just Tammy, our cat sitting on the counter watching me. My mom came back with a broom and looked aghast. „This place is haunted. I thought I saw a mouse over there. I looked away and suddenly she disappeared.“, my mom yelled. I tried to comfort her and caressed her shoulder. „Mom, the mouse is even more shocked than you. That’s why she isn’t here anymore. She hides herself. Don’t worry, she won’t come back to haunt you.“ My mom smiled again and added: „Eat some breakfast. Your dad prepares the car for your surprise.“ Even my mother remained silent about dad‘s plans. She also said: „And pack your bags! I know that you just arrived but dad would be so happy if you go with him.“ Fine, it’s gonna be a trip. A dad and daughter trip. But where?

I ate my meal as fast as I could, packed my bag and rushed to my father. His smile widened as he saw me. „Good morning, princess. You ready? It’s gonna be a long ride. I think it’s gonna be for two or three days.“ What the hell are we gonna do? Why didn’t he just tell me? I must’ve been prepared. I was on tenterhooks. Thankfully I found my old walkman because the last time I was at home was nine years ago and I didn’t own any CDs. So I picked some old classic cassettes. I stored my luggage in the cargo bay and went back to my mom. „Mom, I think dad wants to leave. Should I help you clean the kitchen? It looks kind of messy here.“, I asked my mother. She didn’t want any help and gave me a kiss. „Goodbye, Lauren. You won’t be disappointed. Love you!“, she hugged me. I kissed her and said goodbye.

My father was already in the car and honked. Stop dad, I said to myself, that’s awkward. He started the car and we left the slip road.

After a while I broke the silence and looked at my father: „Where are we going? I’m kinda nervous and I finally want to know. You’re grinning constantly and it’s driving me insane.“ He gazed at the street and tried to not look at me but he grinned. „You will see, Lauren“, he said, „but I will provide you a tip: I’ve got a job and earn money. It’s a cool job. And I want to show you where I work.“ It suddenly dawned on me. He works as a producer again, I thought, and he’s going to show who he works with. I was really excited. I grinned: „I’m sure it’s gonna be cool, dad. Do you mind if I listen to some music? I fancy talking with you but we’ve been driving for two hours and you barely spoke to me. You’re just grinning.“ My dad tried to look disappointed and then replied: „Sure, Lauren. Listen to some music, so I can listen to some country.“ I put on my headphones and dozed off.

Three hours later we arrived in a city I’ve never been to before. Not as big as Los Angeles but still full of skyscrapers. Where are we?, I asked myself until I saw a sign. Oakland. What are we going to do in Oakland? I was hungry and it was already 7 pm.

After we ate something at McDonald’s we entered 27 Ave and parked in an underground car park. My father was too fast so I couldn’t read the sign of the building.

„Et voilà! Welcome to my new workplace!“, he said happily. He couldn’t stop grinning.

Being sarcastic as always I asked him: „Well dad, you’re probably working as a car park guard aren’t you?“ He laughed wholeheartedly and bumped my shoulder: „Oh Lauren, get off the car and follow me.“ We walked through the car park and entered the elevator. As I left the elevator I couldn’t believe where I was. „Wow dad, what is your job? Will you work as a producer again?“, I asked curiously. His smile faded. Before 1990 my father used to work as a producer for a few, mostly unknown bands who got very popular after he stopped working with them. He put his heart and soul in it. Right after losing his job in 1991 he worked in record stores and still had enough money from his time as a producer to pay the bills and to have a luxurious life. He still tried to be happy and answered: „I’m not a producer anymore. Now I work as a sound technician for an already famous band. I think you’ve heard of them before. But let me show you.“ I didn’t mind his new job. I loved my dad no matter what kind of job he had. I smiled and hugged him. He also smiled.

„Hello Wolfgang! Welcome back! Did you enjoy your day off?“, an unknown person shook my dad’s hand and now looked at me, „pardon! You must be Lauren. Nice to meet you. Let me introduce myself. My name is John Lucasey and I’m the producer of Studio 880 and your dad’s new boss.“ He seemed friendly but looked serious with his suit and tie. My dad’s new boss, I thought, or either my dad’s old position. He chatted a bit with dad and after that he showed us the sound studio. I was speechless.

„Have you heard of Green Day?“, asked Mr. Lucasey.

Wait a minute. Did he just say Green Day?

I began to stutter: „S-s-s-ure…“ My father tried to help me: „Yes, my daughter went to one of their concerts in 1994 at The Palace in Los Angeles. After she came home, she looked so happy.“ He didn’t even know what happened, why I smiled so much. I didn’t tell anyone about the night. It was my little secret. I tried to act normal and keep up appearances. My little heart started to beat faster. NOW I was nervous. Probably the band wasn’t even around or they were too busy to talk to me. They had work to do. I began to sweat.

Mr Lucasey didn’t even notice the inconvenience. He continued: „Green Day is currently working on their new album and it sounds amazing. We’re all happy to work with them. They could write history with that record. Do you like to meet them? I think it would be a pleasure for you to meet a celebrity.“

What? My little heart probably couldn’t take it. I didn’t know what to say. I always tried to distract myself from the feelings I felt after that night. Heartbroken, I went to bed and thought I would never feel that way again. But now I’m going to see his little face again. What could happen? It wasn’t like I’ve never seen them again. They were famous and I saw lots of magazines and heard them on the radio but I’ve never seen them in person again.

„Yes, I’d really like to meet them.“, I yelled surprisingly. Mr Lucasey clapped his hands and waved us through the hallway. He knocked on the door and I heard a „come in“ in a familiar voice. Carefully, Mr Lucasey opened the door and I almost fainted as Billie looked into my eyes. His eyes widened as he saw me standing on the doorstep. Mr Lucasey and even my dad didn’t even notice our interaction. Did they live under a rock? Or did Billie tell my dad something about us or did he forget? According to his reaction I wouldn’t think he forgot about us.

He stood up and shook our hands. My dad’s first, then Mr Lucasey‘s and finally mine. I enjoyed that moment. As he shook mine, he deeply looked into my eyes and smiled. „That’s my daughter Lauren“, my dad said to Billie. „She came back from Germany yesterday and I forced her to go with me to show her my job and who I’m working with currently.“, he laughed. Well, I thought, you didn’t force me, dad. Billie smiled and said: „Nice to meet you, Lauren.“ What a smile, I drooled. He had black hair. It suited him perfectly. He wore a black hoodie and jeans. A nice outfit to relax in.

My father and Mr Lucasey talked to each other while Billie and I looked at each other. My dad said: „Lauren, John, I mean, Mr Lucasey…“ Mr Lucasey interrupted my dad and talked to me: „You can call me John, Lauren. Or do you prefer if I call you Ms Schneider?“ I went with Lauren. John continued: „Your dad and I want to talk a bit privately. Just talk to each other. Billie could show you some cool riffs.“ He acted like he played guitar and it looked awkward while doing it. What an odd dude. My father and John left the room and Billie and I were both alone now.

„You haven’t changed.“, Billie made the first move. Goosebumps everywhere.

„Well, I’m still Lauren. I don’t think I’m gonna transform into another creature.“, I responded ironically.

Billie laughed: „Nope, you haven’t changed in any way. Still that glibly girl I met 9 years ago.“ That made me blush.

„Could I play?“, I pointed at his electric guitar. Well, I’m brash too. „Sure! Go for it.“ He handed me the guitar. I played the probably most played and most annoying intro ever. He facepalmed but in a cute way. „It doesn’t sound that good on an electric guitar, y‘know. Stand up.“ Your wish is my command, I thought to myself. I strapped on the guitar and Billie turned on the amp. He gave me the instructions: „So, take that pic, put your index finger on the e-string on the 5th fret and the ring finger and pinky on the a and d string on the 7th fret.“ While following his instructions he moved closer to me and I felt his breath on my neck. He moved my fingers to the right strings and helped me gently. I felt his warmth behind me and I tried not to faint. „Now shred like this.“, he explained and showed me how to do it. „You have to shred two times, then slide two frets down, one fret down and so on…“ I started to play and it sounded good. Much better than my version of Stairway To Heaven. He freed himself from me and stood in front of me watching me playing. „That’s how you do it, baby.“, he exclaimed. Surprisingly I played very well and I savoured the moment having all of Billie‘s eyes on me. He added: „After every chord you have to mute the strings with your palm. Just like this.“ He moved closer to me again and took my right hand gently. He pressed his body against my back and my heart started to beat faster. I didn’t want to interrupt him but I offered: „Now I’d like to hear you playing.“ I loved guitarists and to watch them play. When I was younger I used to watch a lot of Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin concerts to see how they played the guitar. I kept tabs on him while he shredded like a king. He looked so differently and he didn’t smell like beer and weed anymore. Was he sober? I didn’t want to ask him. It would be impolite to ask a celebrity if they’re still doing drugs. Some things I was curious about. Did he have a girlfriend or was he even married? Apparently he wasn’t married. He hasn’t got a ring on his finger. He could’ve taken it off. The more I thought about it the more I got upset. I’ve never had a boyfriend in the last 9 years, just some affairs and I wasn’t happy.

He finished playing and sat down next to me. Affectionately he looked into my eyes and smiled. His teeth got straightened and he had much better skin. „I’m a writer. That’s my new job or either my old job. I have to look for a job now but I guess Los Angeles offers me some good one.“, I broke the silence. He grinned and clapped his hands. „She made it!“, he exclaimed. He stood up and hugged me. At a moment’s notice he kissed me like we’ve known and haven’t seen each other for ages. He kissed me so passionately, I couldn’t help but surrender to this fire of emotions. Lovingly he cupped my head with his hands and I felt the hard skin of his fingertips. His tongue parted my lips and carefully touched mine. Our tongues moved synchronously and I savoured the moment. He tasted like chewing gum. Though I don’t mind alcohol I prefer this fresh smell. His hands moved to my hips and he held me even closer to his body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and couldn’t stop kissing him. His hands dug deeper into my hips. I made out with the punk rocker again and I obviously distracted him from work. Carefully he freed himself from me, looked into my eyes and whispered: „I missed you, Schnuckiputz.“ My eyes filled with tears and I replied: „So did I.“ He kissed my forehead and added: „This was the best surprise I’ve ever had. I’ve never met a girl like you and I haven’t had a girl since we met in 1994.“ I wanted to tell him the same but I would lie. Instead I said: „I’d love to be your girl, Billie.“ He kissed me in agreement.

[downwiththemoralmajority]

Hitching a ride

Word count: 2742

Billie Joe Armstrong x OC

Warnings: live without warning!

Somewhere in California, back in 1994. It was my first concert and I’ve never been so excited. I was 18 years at that point and still lived at my parents home. It always was difficult to drive somewhere because I haven’t had a car yet nor a driver’s license. Thankfully I’ve had a lot of friends who were able to drive and my friend picked me up to get to the concert.

We’ve had a good evening and been sweating the whole time. It felt nice to get some fresh air after the concert. I had to say goodbye to my friend and that was the biggest mistake (or either the best decision) I’ve ever made in my life. She actually wanted to take me home but I maintained that I would take the bus. So far, so good. After saying goodbye I headed to the next call box to call my mother. Full of excitement I told her that I’ve never experienced such an amazing concert and that I’m fine, so she didn’t have to worry.

Right after I hung up someone pushed me to the side and immediately ran away. I didn't know what happened until I saw that a random guy stole my purse with all my money which was left to pay the bus ticket. One hour away from my house I stood there alone without any money. My eyes were suddenly filled with tears and started to burn. I swore to myself that I won’t cry in public. So I denied myself crying and breathed in. I sat down and stared down to the floor until someone touched my shoulder. Embarrassed, I looked up and recognized someone familiar. A blonde guy with a nose ring, crooked teeth and dirty clothes. This must’ve been Billie, the singer of the band I saw earlier. I didn’t even realize that their van was in front of the call box. Hasn’t he seen the guy who stole my purse? Apparently not.

„Are you okay?“, he asked. I was in trance so I didn’t notice that he talked to me. I looked into his green (and obviously red) eyes and caught a glimpse of empathy. He smiled and asked me again if I’m fine.

I tried to not sound whiny but promptly bursted into tears. I couldn’t say any word because I started to sob. Carefully he embraced me and I continued to sob but now harder than ever. It was so embarrassing.

„Don’t say anything“, he comforted me, „it’s okay. Whatever has happened to you, you’ll be better soon... Would you have a joint to come down?“

He was good at comforting because it was the funniest way ever to console someone. I stopped crying and smiled a bit. Gently he caressed my arm and helped me up. He leered and I honestly was smitten by his charm. „I knew it. Nobody can resist a joint.“, he joked. „Come into our van and tell me what’s going on.“ This would’ve been the part where I had to say no. It‘s actually pretty dangerous to go into a strangers van just to talk, I thought to myself. But he was the singer of a punk rock band so what should happen? I was so taken with him, more than I could ever imagine. And he obviously felt the same way because he suddenly grabbed my hand and led me to the van.

At one fell swoop he opened the rusty door and all I could see was the dirtiest interior a van could have. It smelled like beer, weed and other substances. The small table in the middle of the van was littered with papes, cigarette butts and transparent bags which was obviously used for something. And I couldn’t care less. Funnily it felt like home to me. I always loved the smell of weed. Since I was 15 I’ve been smoking joints. So it’s nothing new to me and what would I expect from a punk band in the mid nineties? Grouches who just sit on their couches and had fucked up kids? No, this guy with whom I hung up is the fucked up kid. And he deserved to have fun and kick ass. And I totally understood him.

„Sorry for the mess but our room service hasn’t been here yet. They’re always so fucking busy, you know?“

He was probably the funniest person I’ve ever met.

„How dare they!“, I responded, trying to sound as funny as Billie. He pretended that he’s actually a bit mad about it, stood with his hands on his hips and shook his head in disbelief. Immediately bursted into laughter and I had to laugh as well. He punched my arm like I’m one of his friends and looked at me with his sweetest and apparently most stoned smile. He grabbed a bag with smoking utensils and started to roll a joint for us two, lighted it up and passed it to me. I haven’t been smoking joints in a while because I was so focused on getting my homework done before I graduate this summer. It was almost there.

„Sit down and tell me about the issue. Did we play so bad that it made you cry? Yeah, we’ve had a lot of sound problems and Mike has been higher than me and Tré set his drums on fire and I almost burnt my fucking ass. I wanted to..“, I interrupted him with a laugh. „It’s all right. It wasn’t your fault. It was just a random guy who stole my purse after I called my mom on the phone and said that everything’s fine. Now I don’t have any money and can’t buy a bus ticket.“ My smile faded again. Billie narrowed his eyes. „What a fucking motherfucker! If I catch this guy I would punch the shit out of him.“, he said angrily. „He’s gone. You wouldn’t catch him anymore. Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m gonna find a way to drive home.“, I lied. It was hopeless.

Billie smirked: „What if we could drive you home? I mean, I don’t know how far away your home is from here but fuck, someone hurt you and now I need to help you.“

I started to laugh. He was high as fuck and the other band members were probably stoned as well. How could they still drive? But in my heart of hearts I wanted them to bring me back home. I didn’t want to sleep at the bus station or dodge the fare. My parents would kill me. So I agreed. He noticed that I couldn’t believe it and clarified it:„You look worried. No, we won’t drive anymore. That’s up to our roadie. He can still drive. He doesn’t drink anymore, he was an AA.“ I was assailed by a feeling of relief and I nodded.

„Move closer.“, he summoned me. Deeply, he inhaled his joint, pulled my neck and blew the smoke in my mouth. That was the point. Without exhaling I dared to kiss him and he kissed me back. The smoke leaked out of our mouths and filled the room with special vibes. I moved closer and gave myself up to him. He tasted so good. No, he actually tasted like beer, weed and sweat. But after a concert everyone smells gross and probably I smelled disgusting too.

He moved and lay above me. I noticed something between my legs and knew that he was enjoying it. After a lot of kisses he looked down on me and asked quietly: „Tell me your name.“ He smiled and it made my heart melt. Do I really have a crush on him? I didn’t even know him. I just saw him playing at their concert and I haven’t even known this band before. I normally had a thing for Led Zeppelin or Deep Purple. I couldn’t believe I was making out with a punk rocker.

Smiling, I replied: „My name’s Lauren. I'm 18 years old and I’m originally from Germany.“ He actually just wanted to know my name and it was probably the weed which made talkative. His eyes opened as if he'd never seen a German before. But not in a strange way. He looked surprised. „Fuck, I didn’t notice that you’re German. Why don’t you wear a dirndl?“, he laughed. I didn’t even feel offended by his question. It’s all-American to think that every German wears a dirndl or leather pants, drinks beer and eats bretzels. Sarcastically, I replied: „Well, I changed the clothes before the concert. I thought it was inappropriate to wear such a dress at a punk rock concert. But I’ve got a lot of dirndl at home. You wanna see? I like the pink one with glitter the most.“ I tried to look serious but couldn’t refrain from laughter. „You’re quick at repartee. This turns me on.“ He continued to smooch. His hands were all over my body when we’re suddenly interrupted by a bang. „I think we have some guests.“, he said disappointedly. „Fuuuck, I can’t open the door. Someone locked the door. Let me in and leave me some pot.“, a guy, obviously one of the band members, screamed in front of the door. Bustling, he pulled the door and was still not able to open it. Apparently, he was drunk. „TRÉ you cockhead! PUSH the door! Don’t pull.“, Billie screamed. Tré pushed the door and fell into the van. He babbled: „I’m totally drunk!“ He stood up and took a look at us. „Oh hell, who’s that groupie?“, he asked, confused. I sarcastically answered: „Hey sweetheart, my name is Candy. Do you want some candy? I have a lot of it in my pants.“ Tré, as drunk as he was, didn’t get what I meant. He straightened up, moved closer to me and shook my hand: „Hi Candy. I actually don’t want candy. I just want some HERBS!“ He screamed as he said the last word and I winced. He continued: „Sorry Candy, I almost forgot my name. My name is Tré, Tré Cool because I’m tré cool.“ He spoke in a French accent. I kind of like him. His green hair is smutty and sweaty just like his face and clothes. But his smile was catching. The other drunk band member entered the van. He greeted me: „Hello, I’m Mike.“ He pretended to fuck Tré from behind and lay down on the other couch. To me he seemed a bit calmer than Billie and Tré but he was just totally drunk and tired. He immediately began to sleep as he lay down. „Hella nice, I don’t even have to roll a joint.“, Tré said as he found the joint we’ve been smoking before starting to make out. He took some puffs and lay down on the couch where Mike slept. „Good Night, my fellows! Tré is drunk and sleepy and stoned and wants to take a nap.“, he babbled. „Tré, wait! Where is Eddie? When will he come back?“, Billie needed an answer because he still wants his roadie to drive me home. He smoked a lot of weed but was still able to keep things in mind. Sleepy, Tré opened his eyes and replied: „10 or 20 minutes. He’s still talking to the hosts. Good night, Billie. Good night, Candy.“ I was so mean. He still didn’t know my real name. It didn’t matter because I wouldn't see those guys again, I thought. 10 to 20 minutes. I should’ve been home actually. It would be a one hour drive if I took the bus. The roadie should hurry because my parents would still kill me.

Billie noticed my anxiety. He stood up and said: „Stay here, Lauren. I will have a look. I’ll be back soon. Don’t be afraid. These guys are nice and they’re sleeping at the moment. They won’t hurt you.“ I believed him and let him go. After he left the van I took a look at the furniture. There were two couches on each side covered with some blankets and pillows, a small wooden table in the middle of the room, Venetian blinds to cover the tiny windows. The van was full of stickers of different bands and organisations. It was actually really dirty and smelly in here but the more you sat here the more you got used to it. I felt comfortable and it was probably because of Billie. The guy I had a crush on. After 5 minutes of waiting I heard noises from outside. It was Billie and another guy. I hoped it was the roadie. Billie entered the van again and wanted to know: „Lauren, I need to know where you live. I asked Eddie if he could bring you back home and he’s gonna do it.“ I almost cried. I jumped up and hugged and kissed Billie because I was so relieved. He kissed me back. With tears in my eyes, I told him where I live and gave him a lot of kisses. „Thank you, Billie. Thank you so much. That means so much to me. Thanks.“ I couldn’t stop saying thank you. Passionately, he kissed me and headed to Eddie.

The roadie sat down on the front seat and started the van. Billie entered the van again and closed the door.

We drove down the slip road and reached the street.

„It will take us 30 min to drive you home. So your parents won’t even notice that you’ve been away longer.“, Billie mentioned and I lay in his arms again.

We laid on the couch for a long time without saying anything. It was just Billie and me. I felt comfy and safe in his arms and I didn’t want to miss a single thing.

He caressed my head and started talking again: „What are you doing when you’re not at our concerts? How long have you been living here? Teach me some German.“ „Well, I go to school but I will graduate in one month. I’ve been living here in the US for 12 years. We usually speak German at home because my dad doesn’t like the English language. It wasn’t that easy for me to get used to it because I’ve barely spoken English at home but school helped me a lot. Hm, I’m good at drawing, writing and playing guitar. I want to be a journalist. I’ve taken some writing classes in school and I wrote a lot of articles for the school‘s magazine. After graduating I’m gonna leave the States and go back to Germany, to the roots. I want to learn more about the culture and the people. And there I want to study journalism. I haven’t decided yet if I’m gonna take German or bilingual classes. Someday I want to work for a music magazine, maybe The Rolling Stone. I don’t know when I will come back to the US again. I will finish my studies in Germany at least. It could be 5 years or 10 years. I don’t know. Anyway, I really like the word Schnuckiputz. Can you pronounce it? It literally means cutiepie. Keep it in mind. I would like to teach you some German but I’m kinda tired at the moment. I just want to be here with you and cuddle.“

He held me closer and kissed my forehead. He replied: „You’re gonna be successful. You will rock your studies and be the most brilliant writer.“ He sounded sad.

I almost fell asleep but suddenly the van stopped. I was at home. The roadie parked at the end of the street so we wouldn’t wake up my parents. It was near the bus station. I just had to walk for a few minutes. Sadly, I stood up and looked at Billie. He seemed very tired and so was I.

„Thank you Billie. That was so nice of you and your Roadie to bring me home. You literally saved my life.“, I said quietly so it wouldn’t wake the other guys.

„Don’t mention it. I would do it again any time, Schnuckiputz.“, he whispered. These were the last words I’ve heard from him. He gave me a last kiss. Passionately. With all of his heart. I felt like he didn’t want me to leave him. It was the hardest goodbye. I left the van and went home.

I will miss you, he thought.