#so he. at 7 years old. decides “My Purpose In Life Is To Die For My Friends Therefore It Is Illogical To Wish For Anything Else”

[helianthusaster]

Thinking about how Spock's first instinct when he has a friend is to risk his life for them because his first friend (I-Chaya) risked her life to save him.

[abbyfmc]

Yandere Emperor! x Opera Artist! Reader Headcanons:

Warning: This section is a continuation of the previous one, so you have to read the other one to understand this one.

Topics to talk about: Mention of kidnapping, abuse, murder, obsessive and yandere behavior, manipulation, and anything involving yandere behavior. Also, as I said before, I am NOT describing any Asian emperor in particular, so I have created my own; Not to mention that I have used the Chinese imperial harem system as a base, as well as the forbidden city itself. I will name (Y/n)'s children, so I warn you that I am not describing any prince or princess in particular.

Enjoy it!

1. Yan Li knew that because of having such fast promotions the concubines were mostly jealous of you, so to prevent any attacks, he kept an eye on every corner you went to.

2. He also watched over the princes and princesses he had with you, who were the following:

-The third prince, Li Chen (your first child). -The sixth prince, Li Song (your second child). -The eighth prince, Yong Li (your third child). -The ninth prince, Li Yon'er (your fourth child). -The tenth princess, Yan'rong (your fifth child). -The fifteenth princess, Hua Li (your sixth child).

3. Your children also suffered from palace intrigues, so you had to protect each one of them tooth and nail. Yan Li saw this and decided to severely punish any concubine or consort who dares to harm you or your children.

4. To protect (and harass) you, Yan Li selected a specific group of servants for your palace, among them is the one who became your "right hand", a servant in charge of cleaning, named Yuhou.

5. Zhou, meanwhile, was devastated to learn that you were kidnapped by Yan Li in a golden cage, so he tried to enter the palace and enlist in the imperial army, which he succeeded after a few years. If he can't rescue you, he would at least watch over you from the shadows.

6. One day, when you were in the middle of your third pregnancy, you were walking with your maids when they saw each other. One of your maids, Lili (yes, your old friend), noticed this. He was shocked to see you not only dressed as one of Yan Li's consorts (at that time you were still a consort), but he felt her heart break at the sight of you pregnant. You felt like running towards each other, but you loved your children too much to challenge Yan Li like this.

7. --He… forced you?-- Zhou asked after remaining silent in surprise. You could only nod at that moment.

8. --Yes, isn't it obvious?-- You answered and left, being very devastated just like him, not knowing that Yan Li himself was watching them, angry and jealous.

9. Yan Li made sure you would never see your loved one again, taking him out of the forbidden city on super difficult military missions, basically sending him to die multiple times on purpose.

10. You suspected that Yan Li would find out sooner or later, so you purposely avoided meeting or talking about Zhou, no matter how sad it made you. You didn't even mention it to your children.

11. The few times Zhou was in the forbidden city, Yan Li tried to set traps for you to see how far you would go or whether you would be unfaithful to him, and the best thing you did in hoste traps was… stay in your palace and quietly go on with your life. , which Yan Li did not expect.

12. Yan Li has never hurt you physically, rather he threatened or manipulated you, followed by controlling how long you could sing and dance (like when you did before) or not, which discouraged you a lot. He only allowed you to do it for him.

13. I forgot to say that Lili entered the Mese Palace after you were kidnapped, but Yan Li wanted to make sure that she didn't help you escape, so he sent her first to work in the laundry house, the embroidery department, the flower department and gardening and finally in the workhouse where Lili had some acquaintances, both good and bad, and endured a lot of work and humiliation.

14. Each time Yan Li locked you more and more to himself, with the excuse that it was to take care of you, but he only wanted to control you.

15. Yan Li even had every gift that came to you or your children checked. He also appreciated any gift you gave him.

16. You watched your eldest children grow up, marry, and leave your palace for their own princely mansions, one after one. Li Chen was the first of all of them.

17. After you gave birth to Hua Li, you were unable to have children again, but Yan Li didn't care about this and still forced you to stay with him every night he could, now threatening to harm Zhou if you didn't comply with his whims. and you gave yourself to him.

18. Yan Li forced you to spend time with him, and not only at night but also visiting you in your palace, taking walks with him (sometimes with the Empress Dowager as extra company) and even accompanying him on trips and festivals.

19. Speaking of the Empress Dowager, she quite likes you and Yan Li is glad that you get along with her since… well, she's his mother. She is the only person who forgives you for spending a lot of time with her aside from your children and harem problems; He likes that you get along with the highest ranking woman in the empire.

20. Yan Li really likes your son, Li Chen, so much so that he secretly made him his heir to the throne; so neither you nor Li Chen himself knows.

21. In the event that any of your children or one of his consorts helped you escape, Yan Li would banish them from the forbidden city and condemn you to house arrest.

22. During festivals, he would control even who can talk and who can't talk to you. Among the people who can't even get close to you would be your beloved Zhou.

23. A drunk minister once insulted you, and as a result, Yan Li burned his tongue.

24. Yan Li is the one who had all your crowns made to your liking, demonstrating the deep love (or rather, obsession) he had for you.

25. Sometimes during the nights you were forced to give him back massages after a stressful day, and on other nights he would do this with you.

26. The servants even had to be careful not to bump into you, because depending on Yan Li's mood… he may simply punish them, or kill them.

27. As time went by, you became a grandmother thanks to your prince's children, but you couldn't always see your grandchildren since Yan Li liked to keep you prisoner in the forbidden city.

28. Every time Yan Li goes to bathe in his own private hot spring lake, he forces you to bathe with him, even if you don't want to. Likewise, if he knows that you are bathing alone in said waters, he will bathe with you even if you don't want to and he will make you be close to him.

29. He makes sure that every birthday of yours is fantastic.

30. Every time he got sick, he asked you to take care of him. Conversely, every time you got sick he took care of you and by doing so I mean not only getting you the best medicines, but also watching over everything that your maids or the imperial doctor do.

31. The Empress Dowager became ill over the years due to old age, and when she died, you were very sad since she was somehow the closest thing to a mother to you. Your princesses also mourned her a lot, not to mention Yan Li himself. Due to the close relationship Yan Li had with his mother, he was devastated and declared three years of mourning; It was the only time you felt truly sorry for him.

32. Yan Li has given the order that if something happens in the palace or during a trip, they must save you and your children first, since he does not want to see you hurt, injured or in the worst case scenario… dead. That is a nightmare and a terror that has haunted him day after day since he met you, which is why he believes that he is protecting you but in reality he manipulates you, locks you up and isolates you from the world.

33. He admired how you managed the imperial harem and all the internal servant departments with an iron fist, even if he didn't tell you directly.

34. The only excuse Yan Li accepts for you not wanting to sleep with him is if you or one of your children is sick.

35. The only visits Yan Li allowed to you were from your eldest children, either alone or with their wives and children. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but Yan Li noticed the pressure your parents were putting on you, so he sent his guards to "talk nice" to them, and from then on they stopped bothering you.

36. Yan Li saw you meeting Zhou secretly, which made him angry, so that night he threatened you that if you didn't say goodbye, he would kill him in a cruel and painful way. The next day she made you say goodbye to your loved one and then took him out of the forbidden city so that one of his guards would cut his neck, killing him quickly and throwing him into a mass grave. Needless to say, you really hated Yan Li again after that.

37. As the years went by, Yan Li became sicker and sicker, mostly from stress, which you took advantage of to start getting revenge on him, poisoning him.

38. His health deteriorated more and more, until on his final day, when he was dying, you dismissed all his servants from his main hall and then confessed to him. Yan Li was very angry and felt very betrayed, but he could do nothing but listen until he died at the hands of the person he loved so much.

39. During Yan Li's funeral, you pretended to cry, not knowing that your real happy days began from that moment. Yan Li's trusted eunuch read the emperor's will, which stated that Li Chen would be the new emperor, and you would be the empress dowager. Long story short, your son ascended the throne, reshaped your living conditions, and the other consorts became "widow consorts." You no longer had to worry about anything, you would just live in peace from now on, taking care of your daughters until they grow up.

40. However, Yan Li was waiting for you in the other world. He has told you years before he died that even if he passes away first, he will be waiting for you in the next life where he will find you and make you his again.

-Fin. So, what do you think about this part two?

[blouisparadise]

There are so many amazing bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of December. We’re entering a new year feeling incredibly grateful for the amazing fics we got in 2023, and excited for the many we’ll get in 2024! Happy reading!

1) Say Yes To Heaven | Mature | 2818 words

Note: The main pairing is Louis/Ethan Hawke.

 Later when he’s back at the apartment with Oli, as Louis is somewhat dreamily waxing poetic about Ethan, Oli interrupts.- “Does he quote Shakespeare when you fuck?” he asks, poking at the sizzling eggs on the stove. Louis’ cheeks turn suspiciously pink. Oli peers at his face. “Oh my god, he DOES. I KNEW IT.” He triumphantly brandishes his spatula in the air.

2) Shut Your Mouth, Baby | Explicit | 3028 words

While fooling around in a closet at a New Year’s Eve party, Louis can’t seem to keep quiet. All he needs to do is hold off until midnight, when Harry will finally uncover his mouth and let him come at full volume.

3) Bank Holiday Weekend | Mature | 4135 words

Louis Tomlinson is a twenty-two year old omega who doesn’t give a shit. The omega knows his heat is coming up but still decides to attend Reading and Leeds Festival with his nineteen year old alpha co-worker Harry Styles.

4) Walk In Your Rainbow Paradise | Mature | 4151 words

Louis feels emotional after he watched Harry told the interviewer about the fish in his latest music video, leading up to him thinking about their 'secret' relationship throughout the years. Harry comes home to his husband who's feeling pissed off and needy of his comfort and warmth.

5) One | Explicit | 4188 words

Note: The main pairing is Louis/Tommy Shelby.

When omega Louis Tomlinson becomes pregnant after an unexpected encounter, he decides his only option is to flee his pack. But Tommy Shelby, pack alpha of the Peaky Blinders, might not be willing to let him go so easily.

6) Dreaming of a Green Christmas | Explicit | 4226 words

Harry opens the wrong package by mistake and finds the sex toy Louis ordered for himself. That's not an opportunity Harry can pass up on.

7) Never Felt More At Home (Then When I'm In Your Arms) | Not Rated | 5361 words

Louis and Harry are on tour with the band when Louis is struck with an unexpected heat. He's always known in the back of his mind there was something between him and his best mate, and when opportunity strikes... well, it hits hard.

8) Cat Got Your Tongue? | Explicit | 5523 words

“Who the fuck are you?” Harry screeches and jumps back in surprise. The man drops the popcorn bowl on the carpet and stands up, raising his hands in surrender, “Hey, it's me.” Harry frowns. He has never seen this man in his life. He stares at the wide blue eyes and… holy shit. There's no way. Harry rephrases his question, “what are you?"

9) I’m So Drunk On You (Baby, You’re All That I Want) | Explicit | 5875 words

A lucid celebration yet of nothing in particular, and it was that he found alluring, begged to make himself a part of. "Come on, H live a little." Louis pleaded without care for the sigh that slipped his lips, for the smile that they both formed were proof enough he'd given in. So giddy within skips toward the centre where they gathered, the smaller carried Harry close behind to join the chaos.

10) Snow At The Beach | Mature | 7885 words

The little Matthew Styles had been throwing objects into his cute omega neighbor's yard only for the adorable blue-eyed boy to come to his house to return them and talk to his father. "I'm starting to believe that he does it on purpose just so he can hug you" Harry appeared behind them and Louis smiled at him. "I wouldn't complain if it were like that"

11) Don’t Let The Fire Die | Explicit | 8850 words

Harry makes a long trip to take back what is his.

12) The Box | Explicit | 8895 words

When the signal comes, Harry dips and slides into the box, settling himself on his back with his knees bent.  Louis lifts the side of the box to close it, and as he does so Harry goes to pull his jacket from behind his back a little. The last sight that Louis is presented with before Harry is gone from view is the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen arching his back, with his head thrown upwards, mouth slightly open. And fuck. 

13) Touch Me (Like Nobody Else Does) | Mature | 11459 words

The alpha’s grin returned tenfold, deep dimples popping into his cheeks. Holy shit, he has dimples. “No, I don’t mind at all. I know where to find you when I need it back,” he said with a chuckle before leaning back into his seat. Louis let out a small giggle before nodding. “I’ll be sure it gets returned to you…?” He trailed off, one eyebrow raised at the other man. “Harry,” he replied, amusement still shining in his eyes. “And you are?” “Louis,” the omega responded before leaning back into his seat averting his eyes once again. “Thank you, really, for the charger. You’re a lifesaver. I’m not sure how I would’ve made it through without my Netflix.”

14) Cause I’m Really Not Fine At All | Mature | 13679 words

Louis Tomlinson, one of the famous members of One Direction, is involved in a car accident that caused him to have amnesia, wiping all the last five years of his life from the memory. The interesting part is he may not remember that he has a girlfriend now, yet his mind seems to think that he has been in a relationship with one of the members, Harry Styles. Harry is baffled and shocked at the situation that's thrown in his face. He finds himself learning how to be a good boyfriend for Louis. It has to be easy.. 𝘳��𝘨𝘩𝘵?

15) Roommates | Mature | 18604 words

Louis and Harry are roommates. Harry had put up an ad for a roommate, and Louis moved in. Harry notices that Louis only survives on takeout out, and when he leaves for his shift, he cooks an extra plate of food for Louis with a note.

16) Play By The Rules | Explicit | 21835 words

“Okay,” Harry clears his throat. “Sit on the bed, um, slut.” A beat of silence passes between them as Louis raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “You want to try saying that like you mean it?” Harry pouts, jutting out his lower lip. “But I don’t mean it, Lou. I feel like I’m being mean.”

17) You Bring Blue Lights To Dreams | Explicit | 30177 words

A body slid up behind him and he tensed until he realized it was Jailen, “So… Louis’ pretty cool huh?” He whispered so Louis wouldn't hear from the other side of the barn. “I mean yeah,” Harry responded, brows furrowing together before he realized what Jailen was really saying, “Jailen no that’s not- no. Nothing’s going to happen so don’t meddle, I’m serious.” “I’m not doing anything my dear Harold, I cannot control what happens naturally. Come on Harry, I know you’ve been getting restless with the whole finding your soulmate thing, it might be time to just try and put yourself out there for a while.”

18) He's Driving Me Crazy... But... I'm Into It | Explicit | 56219 words

The boys are organising a holiday in France for Louis, and Harry is able to make the trip at the last minute thanks to Niall. While things seem to be off to a bad start between them, it seems that some of the behaviour is just pretend. And of course, Louis is annoying, and Harry is his usual calm self... But the others don't seem to understand Louis' feelings, and that's not something Harry will let pass. If they gain more than friendship, that's just a bonus.

19) Your Eyes Are Tired But Keep Them Open Cause You Wouldn’t Wanna Miss A Thing | Explicit | 137451 words

Louis is an omega in an abusive relationship everyone forced him into; he’s miserable until he meets his favorite student’s uncle, Harry, a gentle alpha with a big heart.

20) Sewn Into You | Explicit | 167485 words

Harry Styles thinks soulmates are a fairytale, or in other words-a lie. He has no interest in entertaining anything that has anything to do with the very name that had been etched along his collarbone since his eighteenth birthday. Louis Tomlinson won't be answering to another alpha for the rest of his life if he can help it. Fuck happy endings, his soul mate can choke on it. Problem is, Harry needs a personal assistant to save his family's business, Louis needs the cash to officially move off of his childhood best-friend's couch. They can manage. Surely, nothing will go wrong.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[thebadboyfanclub]

Grow Forever, Never Yield (Aemond x Reader)

This was actually the easiest one to write, I loved writing this character and wanted to write a slightly enemies to lovers type of thing, this was requested by @aegvn I hope this is what you imagined and you enjoy it as much as I did

“The prince has surpassed me in his sword fighting skills I am no longer a worthy opponent to him, I would like to invite another skilled warrior to court”

“Whom will that be Ser Criston?”

“The lady (y/n) Phoenix”

“Of firebend? They would never allow their own to join our court”

The house of Phoenix at the firebend land was amongst the last of the rebels and as allied themselves with the Dornish during the age of Aegon the conqueror, inevitably they came to a treaty of peace with the Targaryen king that allowed them somewhat freedom if they agreed to acknowledge Targaryens as the true kings, in retaliation they decided to make the words of their house be

“Grow forever, never yield”

The lady (y/n) was the second child of Nevan Phoenix, she was known for her skill at yielding a sword amongst all of 7 kingdoms, the girl was young, mayhaps a year or two Aemonds senior still she had established herself to be a legend and a name that could install fear to any knight with a mixture of the men wanting to meet this legend that came from the far lands of firebend.

“Who would be better at preparing a prince for any battle other than what they call “the strangers' daughter”?”

The house of Phoenix had been in battle when she was just at the age of 14, thankfully the girl seemed to scoff at death, (y/n) had come victorious and led her brothers' army better than any man would have, to gaze upon her stallion as she held her sword and waited to give the signal to charge was a sight only a few could witness,

“If you die, die with honor”

(Y/n) would often say to her soldiers, some even whispered that even though she got injured she kept on fighting, hence the nickname of her being a descendant of the God of death.

Otto leaned back in his chair, it would be a great opportunity to remind the Phoenix of their treaty, with Viserys getting weaker and Rhaenyras claim shaking if Aegon had Phoenix on his side then others would follow only out of fear of facing her in battle.

“I suppose sending a raven would not be so bad”

“I will arrange it, thank you, lord hand”

-

(Y/n) was already bored of kings landing, the place reeked of piss and the common folk is starving, she had opened the window of her carriage and she could already count dead bodies that lay on the streets.

“What is the purpose of dragons and glory if you cannot even take care of your land and people?”

“Unfortunately some kings do not see past their noses and tall castle walls”

Her father responded he was not pleased with the visit either, howbeit he had given up his seat as the lord of the land to his firstborn son Henley since Nevan had phrased it as

“I am too old to support my family, I shall pass the torch and legacy to a mind full of ideas and a heart full of zest for life”

Henley was a noble and wise young man, peaceful and certainly diplomatic, he could talk his way out of anything before his opponent could even comprehend what had happened.

(y/n) was close to her dear brother and was immensely proud of the man he had grown to be, Henley’s first decision was to announce (y/n) as the First Lady commander of the knights, she was the reason he was alive.

“Why did we even agree to this? I do not wish to train a spoiled brat of a prince”

“Aemond Targaryen is a prince and mounts a very large dragon, as much as we are rebels at heart we must pick our battles wisely”

Her father advised her making her blow bubbles out of boredom mixed with denial of his words standing true, they could have easily found a way to deny the invite, she was certain that her brother hid behind this act of kindness, to keep their end of the bargain and appear as a pacifist leader to avoid conflict.

Before (y/n) could utter another smart remark and ridicule the name “Targaryen” even further she was interrupted by the carriage coming to a halt, she took a deep breath as a way to steal time and gather herself along with restraining her attitude.

“Let’s get this over with”

She spoke in a gritted tone before she got off their carriage to stand next to her father, before she was standing at the queen and lord hand, along with a young girl and boy, the queen did her best to hide her surprise at the young lady’s appearance, however (y/n) picked up at the widen eyes and clench of the fists which only made her smirk.

“Queen Alicent, I must thank you for the invite to your court”

“Welcome to kings landing lord Phoenix, it is an honor to have you and your daughter here”

(Y/n) chose to stay silent, her demeanor was cold and stoic as she held her head high and her chest puffed out, she mirrored her father down to his core, a true warrior.

Her copper hair was pulled back to one thick braid making her scar that overtook almost the entire left side of her face even more intense and visible, it was quite ironic since Aemonds had lost his right eye whilst the lady was missing her left.

The scar she held was twice the size of Aemonds, whoever did it wanted to cause pain and even craved to disfigure her, Aemond thought that not only did that person fail but since the lady was standing and had created a legend out of her name the person was unsuccessful, she was the most interesting person Aemond had ever seen, he never thought he would say a such thing but “she wears it well”

Her clothing was a dark dress but if you took a close look the detail of it was marvelous, you could even observe the drawing of a Phoenix at the hem of it, it was certainly eye-catching yet it embodies her character.

“Is this why you asked us to train the prince? You believed I would be best because of our similar injury?”

(Y/n) was visibly offended by this coincidence, it was truly not Ser Coles's intention nor reasoning behind his choice of a teacher, it all came down to the tales of her talent that he had heard amongst other soldiers.

(Y/n) spoke in a calm tone yet her voice was stern and demanding, she stared at Aemonds soul with fire in her eyes, Aemond was also taken back by the lady, it was the first time he had seen someone as young as him that has suffered the same fate as him.

“No, my lady, we do not wish to offend you, we merely admire your accomplishments”

Ser Criston took a step forward as he was the one responsible for (y/n)s arrival to court, silence overtook the group as Nevan was also skeptical now that he was present, he also did not want to intervene since it might make the matters worse knowing his daughters' temper stops at nothing when she feels disrespected or threatened.

“We have heard tales of you but you are beyond our expectations, my lady, we just wish for our prince to learn from the best”

“Very well, I think we had enough pleasantries, we are not here to sweet talk one another, I shall rest for the rest of the day, I will see the prince on the morrow at your training yard, I do not want to be disturbed by anyone unless it is my father until then, whom will escort us to our chambers?”

-

(Y/n) had whipped the prince to shape, she was resilient, cunning, and tireless, Aemonds entire body ached so bad that he had to sit in a bath of scorching water just to ease his muscles for at least an hour.

(Y/n) had once barged in and laughed at him, she ridiculed him with her words as Aemonds face showed no emotion as she spoke, well mostly as she laughed at him from her high horse “Was she also in pain? Probably too stubborn to admit that the practice also took a toll on her” he thought as he watched her go back and forth in front of him, though he was filled with rage from her little stunt, how dare she walk in at a such vulnerable hour.

“What type of lady walks in so shamelessly when a man is bare? I take it as a sign of you not being a true maiden?”

“Is that all you got? Your pride is so bruised that you cannot think of a better insult than one of my virtue? I suppose it suits a man, still, I would take not being a maiden if I had to choose to be that or laying with my brother or uncle”

Aemonds next move was something that she did not even expect, he rose revealing every single part of him, to Aemonds surprise (y/n) was unfazed and just eyeballed him straight in the face, she did not even glance for just a minute past his neck nor was there any sign of her being uncomfortable.

“I understand that in your land you have different customs but you are in kings Landing now, Vhagar is quite peckish around this hour and you would surely be a delectable snack to her”

“You can do as such that is true, are you sure you want to face the wrath of my family? We did not name our land firebend for nothing”

(Y/n) had a way of pushing his buttons, sending him to madness, and forcing him into losing his cool was her favorite hobby, one would suppose it is befitting if you take into consideration that her family's entire legacy was to oppose the Targaryens and remind them that they would always be the thorn that bled their reputation, even going as far as to making their sigil a Phoenix with its wings spread, the animal that is known for rising amongst the ashes, the ashes of dragon fire in this situation.

Aemond relished walking in the garden upon the hour of the ghosts, it was the only time this forsaken castle was quiet, Aemond had lived almost his entire life in solitude, not a child that made friends naturally and that worsened after Driftmark, the silence brought him comfort as the breeze went through him was refreshing.

“Incoming”

A voice erupted as someone attacked him from the back, luckily Aemond was quick on his feet and ducked just in time to miss the spike of a sword only by an inch, Aemond was unharmed and forced to defend himself with his bare hands.

“You sneaky bitch”

He spat as he went into defense, he could barely see her from the darkness that surrounded him as she marched at him with full force, you could hear their grunts as they had a go at one another.

“You think every war will be in broad daylight and fair? Some bastard can attack you even when you take a piss”

She taunted him, (y/n) did not hold back nor empathized with the prince who was put in a situation that wasn’t beneficial to him whatsoever, on the contrary, she was thoroughly enjoying seeing him struggle.

Aemond had suffered from attacks ever since the incident, in this moment he was pulled back into the time he was a boy and had to come out alive after his nephews resorted to violence over Vhagar, his breath was short and sharp as his eye squinted and had started to sweat.

Aemond grew vicious, not caring for precautions or if he made some serious damage to her, in his delirium he was placed in a death or life situation and he would be damned if he did not come out of this alive and well.

(Y/n)s laughter was replaced by a loud grunt and a thud once her back was forced against the wall and Aemonds hand was by her neck, his fingers clenching her airway making it harder for her to draw a breath.

“Yield”

He commanded in a low tone at her as she struggled under his grasp, he detected the struggle in her eye, even then her pride was strong, visible since she refused to make a sound and did her best to keep her composure, she did not want to give him the satisfaction of taking her as weak.

At that moment something in him changed, instinctively his chest collided with hers, the warmth of her body was inviting and her scent of vanilla was mouthwatering, he didn't even realize how close he had come to with his nose tracing her neck.

(Y/n) grew goosebumps at the strange sensation though she was thankful that Aemond was distracted enough to loosen his grip, she remained still as she took a few breaths to relax her system and regain her strength.

“What are you doing?”

“I was imagining a blade gracing this gorgeous neck of yours”

“Strange, I would love to do the same to you”

Aemond let out a sound of pain at the sudden move of (y/n) kneeing him in his stomach, she wanted to go for the crotch still she decided it would be best to spare him this one time.

Aemond took a step back however he laughed between his agony at her stubbornness of not wanting to admit that she enjoyed the intimate encounter as much as he did, his arms hugged him to soothe his stomach from the pain while she looked down at him, her hands were shaking and for a minute she wanted to run away, hide after being caught like a little girl that was eyeing the stable boy.

“It was silly of you to ask me to yield, you have forgotten I am a Phoenix, a word of advice for next time, never lose focus”

“I never lost focus my lady, I had no weapon, so I used what was available, my charm”

“Well judging by the fact I only kneed you and did not draw my sword from the belly button to your shoulder then never do that again”

“Was it truly that repulsive or are you just so prideful that you do not crave to admit that you liked it?”

“Don’t be ridiculous”

“Am I? Sweet (y/n)”

His voice was melodic as he got closer to her once again, now it was her that was defenseless and she was back again to the wall, the eye contact between them never broke as Aemonds hands found their way to the sides of her waist, (y/n) was frozen, for once in a life she did not know what to do.

Aemond was in full control when his nose brushed against hers and (y/n) closed her eyes letting out a breath that parted her lips ever so slightly.

“Seven hells, let us not do this”

“Why? The sweetest bite comes from the forbidden fruit”

“Mayhaps, but I am no fruit, I am a warrior and you are a stuck-up, obnoxious, little prick”

“A little prick that has you blushing, it is alright, I am a gentleman, and I will not expose you if you choose to take a bite”

Requests are open!

[littlejuicebox]

Midwinter Carol 1 (v2) / The Prologue

Pairing: Ascended Astarion x Female Elf Sorceress OC

Word Count: 3.4 K

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Summary:

Astarion completed the Ascension Ritual, and shortly after, his lover left him. Eirianwen fled from Baldur's Gate for fifteen years, only to return unexpectedly at Wyll Ravengard's Midwinter Gala with some news of her adventures. Astarion, who has not been doing as well as he'd hoped gaining control over The Gate, is forced to confront his unresolved feelings for the woman and all the horrors of his past as well as the horrors he's inflicted upon others. One thing is made certain: the elven sorceress is the key to any ounce of salvation he may have left, if only she stops slipping through his fingers like sand from an hourglass.

But old habits die hard, and old feelings are pulled to the surface for both the elves. This unanticipated meeting catalyzes a series of events which force Astarion to confront the wounds of his past and deal with the damage he's done while trying to run from himself. The Ascendant is forced to decide whether he will continue on his current path or forge a new one... perhaps one that leads him back to the love of his life.

Warnings: This will be 18+ / in game spoilers / Eventual Smut / Angst, trauma, fluff / Gore / Violence / PTSD / Astarion’s past trauma

A/N: Apologies everyone, not a new update, just a re-write of my original one shot to align more with Eirianwen/Astarion and have a 3rd person version of this for continuity purposes. :)

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Fifteen years. The Vampire Ascendent hadn’t seen her in fifteen years, since she’d rejected his offer to become his loyal consort for the final time.

They couldn’t reconcile their differences. She’d wanted him to trust her, to believe that her love was stronger than any desire for power – that she could remain a mortal or become a true vampire like him and still remain loyal. She didn’t want to be a spawn; she’d considered his offer a great disrespect, and ultimately, his changed behavior had driven her away.

“You’re nothing like the man I fell in love with anymore. I don’t know who you are.”

Those words had stung, though he’d never admit it.

It had been an awful, messy, seething breakup, to be sure… and the Vampire Lord almost turned her against her will anyway. But at the time, Astarion’s soft spot for the sorceress had reigned supreme, and he still thought himself better than Cazador and above such things. So, against his own wishes, he’d let her go.

Last the Vampire Ascendent heard of the woman’s movements, she was somewhere along the Sword Coast, playing valiant hero once again. So, when he walked into Duke Ravengard’s Midwinter Gala with some pretty little villain on his arm that he’d picked up for the occasion and would likely drain of blood and dispose of later, he was flabbergasted to see his ex-lover sitting at the high table.

Right. Next. To. Wyll.

Fifteen years and it still felt like the greatest betrayal, as if she’d staked him through the heart in that moment. It took every ounce of Astarion’s control to not turn into a cloud of smoke and break The Duke’s neck then and there. Oh, but how desperately he wanted to.

But he couldn’t risk such a spectacle… many of his dealings were hanging tenuously as it was, and creating a power vacuum in the city was just as bad for him as it would be for those against him. No, Wyll helped to maintain the balance… and generally tolerated Astarion with some level of old-ties respect. They had an agreement: the pale elf would keep his business private and primarily drink from criminals, and Wyll would turn a relatively blind eye. So no, as much as he wanted to, Astarion couldn’t afford such a loss of control.

The Ascendent watched as she walked about the room with Duke Ravengard, hanging on his arm like a prize and chatting with nobles and old contacts. Astarion’s date — what was their name again? — tried more than once to steal his attention away, but resigned themselves to drinking heavily and dancing with several other guests. The elf watched the sorceress join the dance floor with The Duke and his blood boiled at the sight; he even bent the stem of his golden goblet from merely witnessing the vile scene.

No. Absolutely not. This wouldn’t do. Astarion had to do something, had to interrupt whatever game this was. How dare she and Wyll disrespect him like this! So, he stood and abruptly crossed the dance floor, the other guests parting like the Red Sea before him in their shock. 

Lord Ancunin never made his way to the dance floor for anyone.

“May I interrupt and have this next dance?” 

The Ascendent’s voice is honeyed and saccharine as the music pauses and the band readies for their next ballad. Everyone around the room is clapping politely. A gentleman’s smile is plastered across the elf’s lips, but it doesn’t meet his eyes, as he extends his pale hand to the woman.

Wyll bristles and turns to look at his companion. There’s a moment of silent communication between two sets of eyes that must know one another quite well, because Astarion cannot read their nearly-imperceptible movements as he waits, his hand outstretched mid-air. Finally, the Duke relents and passes the sorceress’s hand to the Vampire Lord.

“No funny business, Astarion. My men and I will be watching your every move,” the Duke warns through a benevolent-appearing smile, a warning hand clasped on the vampire’s tensed back, before locking eyes with the woman once more and then stiffly turning and walking toward the high table.

She smiles at Astarion, as if it’s just the two of them back in the center of that clearing, draped in moonlight and barren to one another, all those years ago. 

“It’s good to see you, my old friend.”

Old friend? Old friend? The words make the Vampire Ascendent’s mouth practically fill with bile as he spins his ex-lover about the room. He can feel the steady, stable beating of her heart and smell that intoxicating, tempting bouquet of blood brimming beneath her skin that he’d never quite forgotten.

They catch up, to some small extent, as she tells the elf about her journeys along the Sword Coast and he tries to impress her with his ever-growing influence and wealth. But before long, the song is over and the Duke is, annoyingly, coming back to retrieve his prize. The sorceress smiles so sweetly at Astarion before she departs that it almost hurts; no one else looks at him with that level of love and kindness… all he ever sees anymore are eyes filled with fear, mistrust, or hate.

“I hope you’re happy, Astarion. Truly. I’m glad to see you looking so well. Now go find the date you came with… they’re owed a dance, I believe,” she says before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek and sending an electric shock through his numb heart. He almost gives into his urges and bites her right there, in front of everyone, claiming his love and his prize. 

“Goodbye, Astarion,” she says before once again turning her back on him and walking away.

“Goodbye, Eirianwen,” he calls after the woman as her hand ghosts away from his own.

He wants to reach for her hand and pull her back to him. He wants to ask for a second dance. But again, he lets Eirianwen go, slipping through his fingers like sand through an hourglass.

Astarion cannot take any more of this. He goes to retrieve his date, rips them away from whatever conversation they were having with whatever noble, and swiftly exits the party. Back at the Palace, the poor little thing is used for mindless sex and then for sustenance and then left to be disposed of by one of the staff with nary a thought. 

The Ascendant couldn’t even remember their name.

*

A week rolls by, and gods what a terrible week it was. Astarion’s grip had severely  weakened on the city after a few poor calls. In his pride, he’d never admit they were his fault; instead, he quickly blamed his advisors and sent them to the dungeons. 

Furthermore, the meeting he’d hosted today with several of the Guilds had practically blown up in his face as the Guild Leaders came to blows in the middle of the Great Hall. Mortal creatures could be so… excitable. The entire ordeal was giving him a massive headache. If the leaders didn’t come to an agreement soon, he would lose his monopoly on the shipping industry, as well as his tenuous control over the blackmarket smuggling ring. 

The Ascendant settles into his bed, alone, after downing several goblets of wine, but sleep does not come to him. He’s awake, staring at the ceiling, and all he can think about is Eirianwen. Gods, he thought he’d moved past all this. But as he remembers her face, their nights together, the way her beautiful body felt pressed flush against his… he feels his erection growing. The elf is about to stick his hand inside his trousers to provide himself with some relief when a familiar, annoying voice travels through the room.

“I’ve been watching you, Astarion.”

Fucking Gale. The fucking God of Ambition. The Vampire Lord shoots up in bed and immediately sees the silvery form of his former campmate standing at the foot of it.

“What the hells, Gale! A God and still an absolute pervert, I see.”

The God ignores Astarion, moving to sit his ethereal form on the edge of the bed and indenting the silken, cerulean sheets with the ghosting of his form. The elf wrinkles his nose in displeasure as he rips his legs as far away from Gale as he can.

The God sighs, “Astarion, you’ve rejected my help before, and the strides you’ve made within the city are falling… it’s beginning to seem that you are headed down a path you are not going to be able to return from. A few more bad calls and you won’t come back from it. You are wasting your potential because you refuse to become the master of your own ambition rather than a slave to it. I’m beginning to wonder… is this what you truly want? I can see many lifetimes of yours, with many choices you’ve made along the way, and I’m sorry to tell you this lifetime seems to be the most miserable.”

Astarion scoffs. The fact that Gale is the only prior friend that keeps in touch with him, albeit for his own peculiar reasons, is a sad fact that the Vampire Lord refuses to acknowledge. He’d pushed everyone else away years ago. The only other person he ever saw was Wyll at obligatory balls, galas, and political events… and obviously the last time had been less than fulfilling. 

But loneliness resided deep in the Ascendant’s heart, hidden away from even his own acknowledgement, so although Gale had always been his least favorite, the pale elf still engaged in conversation.

“What do you mean by that? That you can see several of my lifetimes? I find it difficult to believe that this is the worst. Surely there is a lifetime in which I’m still under Cazador’s control.”

The God of Ambition considers this, and then turns and looks off into the distance, as if he’s examining something Astarion cannot see. 

“Hmm. Actually, there is only one lifetime in which that is still ongoing. So yes, that one may be the worst. I stand corrected, this is the second worst. You’re dead in more of them, a spawn in most of them… and your Tav, or some other version of Tav, is in several as a friend or a lover, to both the spawn and ascendant versions of you. You might be surprised to know that in more than one lifetime, you and I are coupled… it’s quite interesting.”

Astarion cringes at the thought of being in a relationship with Gale, but chooses to move past the thought and acknowledge the only bit of information he actually cares about, “My Tav– Ani–  is in several of them?”

“Of course. Would you like to see it? Let me take you on a little journey.”

Gale holds his hand out the Vampire Lord, and Astarion cannot help but feel the pull of intrigue. Gods… at least this would guarantee a more interesting night than one with his hand spent down his own pants.

The pale elf sighs and extends his hand to the God of Ambition; just as their fingers brush, he feels himself enveloped in the warmth of the Weave. Blue light swirls and spirals around the two beings before, suddenly, Astarion and Gale are standing outside a tomb. The Ascendant hears himself screaming, voice raw with anguish, from inside the tomb, as his nails scratch against the unyielding stone. 

This is from his own past, when Cazador locked him up for a year. The panic, shame, and fear pulse in Astarion’s body, unleashed from the small corner of his mind he’d locked those emotions into. 

“Why the hells have you brought me here, Gale? This isn’t what I asked to see!”

“No… but I thought it might serve as a reminder of where you came from. You seem to have forgotten… and subject others to similar fates and tortures, nowadays.”

Astarion hears the begging and pleading to the gods, the crying and scratching inside of the tomb, and his gut churns again. How something that happened years ago, that he’d shoved deep in his mind never to acknowledge again, could still rip such a reaction from an all-powerful Vampire Ascendent, he did not know. The elf begins to shake, flooded with the emotion of the memory. 

Had he really turned into an exact replica of his former master? Hadn’t he wanted to be better than Cazador?

“Had enough? Okay, onto the next one,” Gale says dryly, and then he snaps his fingers; both beings are, once again, pulled through the Weave.

Now they’re standing in The Duke’s parlor room… Astarion had been in this room just a time or two before, during some business negotiation or another. Then he sees Eirianwen, bursting through the door with one hand on her swollen belly. Gods above and below, was she carrying Wyll’s seed in this one? The thought alone made his skin crawl and his stomach churn in disgust. The Ascendant thought he might actually vomit up his dinner.

“Hurry, my love! We need to place the presents here for the others.”

Astarion’s silver eyebrows crinkle together as he listens to the voice responding to the sorceress from down the hallway, joined in by the giggles of a child. 

“We’re coming, darling. This little imp is just slowing me down a bit!”

Then, he sees himself walk through the door with a silver-haired, giggling toddler wrapped around his leg… but it’s not himself. This Astarion has pink skin, a beating heart, a wedding band on his hand, and a few more years on his face. 

Mortal… but how?

Mortal Astarion is carrying a bundle of presents that he places on the coffee table in the center of the parlor. The small child grins and puts a hand drawn card on top of the gifts. The card reads: ‘For Uncle Wyll, Auntie Euphemia, and the Ravengard Twins. Love, the Ancunins.”

Astarion feels his pulse thrumming in his ears as the scene plays out. Mortal Astarion envelopes Eirianwen in his arms and plants a soft kiss on her cheek. The child walks, on two unsteady legs, up to the sorceress and fists their hands into her dress. The version of Astarion runs his fingers along the swell of the woman’s abdomen before bending down and placing a kiss on her stomach. Then he crouches in front of the silver-haired, drooling child with a smile.

“Let’s go and join the others, shall we? Auntie Shadowheart and Auntie Lae’zel have a gift for you, my little love!” The father cheers, his arms opening to receive the child, who immediately steps into Astarion’s arms.

“Yay, daddy! Go!” The little babe cheers, as Astarion returns to standing. The child is clapping uncoordinated hands together, which causes both this version of Eirianwen and his mortal self to giggle in adoration. He watches as the sorceress takes this version of him by the hand and exits the parlor, headed towards a clamor of conversation filled with several familiar voices. 

The Vampire Lord tries to follow the little family, desperate to see how the scene continues, but he’s unexpectedly ripped from the scene and thrown back into the Weave with Gale.

“I wasn’t finished!” The Ascendent shouts in frustration, running his hands through curled hair.

Gale simply sighs and shakes his head at Astarion, before snapping his fingers and settling them into another scene entirely.

In this one, Eirianwen is a vampire. Not a vampire spawn, a true vampire. Astarion watches as she pulls her dress on, unabashedly taking in the familiar curves of the woman’s body before they’re covered up. The bedchamber door swings open, and the Ascendant turns to see another version of himself entering the room.

“My treasure, we’ve done it! We’ve secured educational and apprenticeship programs for the orphans from the Guilds as a show of good faith for our support and protection.”

Eirianwen’s vampire self runs to this better version of Ascendant Astarion, immediately enveloping him in a shockingly passionate kiss. Tongues twirl together in a familiar dance. It was enough to make even the Vampire Lord’s skin run hot as he imagined what it would feel like to have the woman on him like that again.

“I’ve just put on my clothes, my love.” she murmurs, her voice coy, as she lowers her gaze to her dress and slowly drops her shoulder out of the gown before returning her focus to her version of Astarion, “but perhaps you won’t mind helping me back out of them… I think that announcement is cause for a bit of… celebration.”

The scene quickly evolves into something overwhelmingly hot and heavy. Better Astarion pounces on the woman instantaneously, strong hands tearing at the laces of her dress in a frenzied pace. Eirianwen is giggling in delight as her version of the elf pushes her onto the bed with a sly grin. 

The Ascendant feels himself tingle with desire as he watches everything unfold. Just his other self rips off the woman’s underwear and is just about to plunge himself into the vampire version of Eirianwen, the Weave swirls around Gale and Astarion once more.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” The elf hisses as he glares at The God of Ambition.

“I know… steamy, right?” Gale responds, with a small chuckle, his eyes analyzing the strands of the Weave, “now, onto our final scene… this one is your… unfortunate future, should you continue down your same path, I’m afraid.”

The Ascendent soon sets his eyes on possibly the most gut-wrenching scene imaginable. There she is, standing before him, holding a stake that’s driven straight through his heart. Blood pools around the wound, drenching both himself and Eirianwen in splotches of scarlet. He’s trying to reach for her, to touch her face, to choke out something he cannot say. 

And then he’s gone, slumped on the floor, as Eirianwen holds him in her arms and lets out a bloodcurdling wail.  

The crying goes on forever. Her body's racking with sobs as she turns the corpse onto its back and throws herself over it, almost desperate to have his body close to hers. After what feels like an eternity, the sobs slow and her trembling hands come to his face before she plants a surprisingly tender kiss on his lips. Astarion notices, with some level of shock, bleeding wounds along the sorceress’s arms and neck. 

Bites. Had he really been the one to do that to her? 

“I really loved you, Astarion… I wish it hadn’t come to this. There was nothing between Wyll and me. Just two old friends, catching up… I’d wanted to be back home, I’d fled from my city for fifteen years after what happened between us. Wyll offered me a soft place to land and a kind transition back into society.

I was sure everything would be okay after all this time. That we could at least talk. But you didn’t come to speak to me, you ignored my scrolls, and then— why?”

Eirianwen’s voice cracks as the sobbing returns. She starts slamming her shaking fists into the corpse version of himself over and over and over and over. There is a dull thud pounding in his ears as he watches his ex-lover repeatedly drop her fists against his corpse’s chest.

The Ascendant sucks in a breath and turns back to the God, “I’ve seen enough, Gale! Take me home right now.”

“As you wish,” The God of Ambition murmurs, unbothered. With a final snap of Gale’s fingers, Astarion is back in his bed at the Palace and wrapped in silken, cerulean sheets.

“So?” Gale asks, lifting himself from where he is sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I need to talk to Ani… I need to speak with her. Tomorrow…” the Ascendant murmurs, his head still reeling as he tries to process everything he just saw. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs a slow, belabored breath.

What would he even say to her, after all this time?

“I would agree. It's far past time for you to pursue a new beginning, Astarion," the God responds as the Weave starts to swirl around him in bright, crackling flares of azure. Gale begins to turn away and then pauses at the last minute, his focus settling back on the elf still sitting in bed.

“Oh... and Astarion? I know we were once friends, if you could really call us that… but don’t think this little show and tell was for free. I’ll be asking something of you, when the time comes.”

The Vampire Lord nods. Of course. It could never be that simple, could it? And just like that, Gale disappears in a spray of light, and Astarion is left alone once more.

No. It could never be that simple. The only simple truth in Astarion’s life was this: Eirianwen was and would always be his saving grace.

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Volume 14 Ch 1-5

I briefly pop in from my vacation to bring you some thoughts on volume 14 because apparently nothing can stop the Trigun brainrot. Parts of this were written while incredibly jet lagged or on a train, so hopefully this makes sense.

Ch 1

Awww, sometimes Vash is a little too honest. And he forgets that he doesn’t look as old as he is. Also, what a throwback: full blond Vash with his original coat. The nostalgia is hitting hard.

The contradictions of Vash’s life and philosophy are spelled out so succinctly. He picked up a weapon of violence in the name of peace and he’s lived by that complicated word for so many years. And he did what it took to keep his own word. He covered himself in scars for it, doing things no rational person would do all in order to avoid harm.

The repetition of “That is how I lived my life” paired against the training montage and Vash shooting the coin case is so evocative. As is the past tense. He’s officially throwing that aside and making a choice. A choice to kill.

You know what I noticed? We haven’t seen Vash’s eyes once this chapter in the present, just the reflection of his glasses. He’s made his choice but he’s hiding behind a facade because the choice is killing him on the inside.

Vash is no longer playing Legato’s game but by destroying the coin case, he’s also given Legato a lot of power over him. I wonder if that was also on purpose?

Also, why is Legato suddenly saying he held Vash under control for 8 months? It definitely said 7 earlier in the manga.

Oh my god??? Vash slipped out of Legato’s control!!!! Truly, he’s so powerful when he’s not stuck in a hole for months on end. Also, spending that much time under Legato’s control let him learn it intimately and probably let him discover the weak spots so he could slip out of it he needed to later.

So Legato sees it too. That Vash has decided to set aside his ideals. And of course, Legato still wins because that’s what he wanted—to break Vash if he couldn’t kill him.

VASH WHAT THE HELL.

He’s destroying his left arm to get closer to Legato???? That is…at once a very Vash thing to do and not.

Knives’s approving smile from Legato’s memories is everything he wanted and it’s what Legato sees at the moment of his death. But part of me wonders how much of this is memory and how much is wishful thinking, Legato projecting his own wants and desires onto this memory.

I’m also obsessed with the brief glance we get of a child Elendira. Who is she? Where did Knives find her? Why did she follow him and why did he let her? She’s the only GHG we don’t get ANY backstory on. Not even a snippet. NIGHTOW I WANNA KNOW.

Argh!!! Vash gets so close but he hesitates! A hundred and fifty years of conditioning stay his hand at the last second. Even though he’s said he’s made his choice. But he was hiding from it too. His glasses have closed him off. He hasn’t faced the choice.

Well, he’s pissed Legato off and now he’s going to make him face it.

This is an eerie mirror of the “shoot” scene with Wolfwood. The way Legato holds the gun to his forehead, telling Vash to shoot. That scene almost works like foreshadowing. Wolfwood even said that his death would make it worthwhile if he knew Vash could make a decision like that. And well…the need for that has come to fruition.

I hate to say it, but Legato is right. Holding the gun to his head and not shooting is kinda cruel. That’s just letting someone feel all the fear, let it ramp up, instead of finishing it quickly.

And in the end, all Vash accomplished by hesitating is putting someone else’s life in danger.

With Livio’s life on the line, suddenly we see Vash’s eyes again. They’re a little wild and on edge. He can’t let his new friend die, the person Wolfwood sacrificed himself to save.

Legato knows exactly what he’s doing to torment Vash. He knows all of Vash’s weak points and he’s not afraid to use them.

I hate giving Legato any credit whatsoever but…he’s kinda right again. Look, Vash’s ideals are wonderful. He seeks to make the world a better place by not killing people. But the root of those ideals comes from something so twisted and idealized, it’s done nothing but cause him and the people around him harm and strife. His scars, his inability to connect with humanity despite his mission to protect them, it comes down to his downright saintly principles which force him to live a life that is removed from reality.

Sometimes, you have to make a choice, to kill, to do the hard thing. Because standing down isn’t an option. Standing down is the worse result. Vash’s ideals are beautiful but in the end, by keeping them, he is a dreaming saint. And saints don’t get to live. Saints are saints because they are martyred and completely inhuman. And does he really want to be inhuman?

BUT THEN. Who does Vash think of before he shoots, before he makes his final decision? Wolfwood! Perhaps the most human man of all. He certainly wasn’t a saint, but he wasn’t a sinner either, and he came to mean so much to Vash. His death hurt so much Vash couldn’t speak his name or think of his face. But now, for the first time in four volumes, we see him fully. Wolfwood, who killed to protect and died in order to save someone he loved, who also in the end, finally got to make his choice.

And now, so does Vash. And he does it for Wolfwood.

Ch 2

Does Livio even understand what’s happening? Because Elendira suddenly rose from the dead and went for his throat, and then she collapsed just as quickly. Does he know that it’s Legato? Does Livio know Vash killed Legato for him? This question haunts me daily.

You know what else haunts me? Vash’s face right afterwards. It’s so difficult to look at. For the first time in almost 2 chapters, we see his eyes and they are big and glassy. He has this terrible pained…smile, grimace? I’m not sure how to describe it.

Nor will it ever stop haunting me that Vash didn’t kill to protect himself or to get closer to Knives. He did it for Wolfwood, to honor his sacrifice, to save Livio. He took on Wolfwood’s ideals just like Wolfwood took on his. They changed each other…

I’m experiencing so many emotions, I don’t even know what to say. Vash is realizing how difficult killing really is and he wonders if it hurt Wolfwood this much too. Is he regretting calling him a coward? Vash didn’t understand Wolfwood or his motivations back then, but now he does, and he realizes what he said was so wrong. And knowing Vash, he probably wonders if calling him a hopeless coward was what set Wolfwood down the path to his death.

Also, did Livio find Vash somehow? I didn’t think they were close together at all.

I like that nothing is simple in Trigun. Technically, the Earth Fleet came to help, but they’re willing to do anything to stop Knives, including bombing and irradiating the planet and killing thousands of people in the process.

So Livio does know what Vash did for him? That’s gonna give him a lot of feelings and complexes to work through later…

The juxtaposition in this story always gets me. As Vash struggles with killing one person, the Earth Fleet easily decides to sacrifice millions in the name of peace. How can they, who are not part of this world, understand anything about it? How can they make that kind of decision not knowing anything about the people struggling and living on the planet’s surface? Killing is not the easy way out and it never was, as Vash has just intimately discovered.

Continuation of everyone telling Vash to stop carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and actually ask for help! Will he do it? No, but saying it to his face is a good first step in getting him to understand.

Ch 3

Oh, this is one of my favorite parts of the manga. I remember this vividly from my first read. The first time the dependent Plants truly communicate with humanity.

The moment with the little girl just…oh my heart. For a moment, she saw the Plant’s memories but she also projected her own feelings. And that could have gone a lot of ways. People could’ve gotten scared or violent or taken advantage of a scared kid, but everyone’s immediate reaction is kindness. They help her find her mother. It just proves that humanity has a great capacity for goodness, especially when they can understand each other. Because every one of those adults has been a scared kid before and feeling those feelings again reminded them of that.

What they show is the history of humanity and Plants on No Man’s Land, the highs and lows, the good and the bad. The gratefulness of those first desperate people when they managed to get water from a Plant and the chaos and desperation that followed. How slowly towns and cities grew up around Plants.

Knives is experiencing all these memories in full. He might have to contend with the fact that the relationship between Plants and humanity isn’t so black and white. There is hurt and abuse for sure, but there is always kindness and gratefulness. One doesn’t negate the other, but it turns his strict worldview on its head. It should anyway.

People have warred and killed over Plants, but they’ve also venerated them, and taken care of them. They fixed them and cleaned their bulbs, had meaningful meetings there. And the Plants were always watching, remembering all their faces, and interestingly, there’s no malice or hatred for humanity in these memories. Despite how they sometimes waste the Plants’ gifts and abuse them, the Plants seem to care about humans in their own way.

Ch 4

It’s terrible that the Earth Fleet cares more about stopping Knives than saving the people of the planet. They’re really scared of Independents, and sure, Knives is more powerful than they’ve ever seen, but they took the nuclear option very quickly. It makes you question what Earth’s relationship with Independents is really like.

Vash’s hair it completely black now. He’s used up most of his power. He’s done and at his lowest point here. And now he’s haunted by everyone he’s lost, everyone he couldn’t save, whether they were friends or enemies.

It says something that he’s faced first with Legato, his first kill, but right behind him it’s Wolfwood, and he’s smiling. I can’t figure out what it means, but there’s something to it, like Wolfwood is the one who makes what he did okay.

But still, he feels like he’s alone with all of this, that this is his endless burden. And makes me so sad because he’s not! He’s been told that over and over, but it’s like he’s not hearing it.

What kind of victory is it to destroy an entire planet to defeat Knives? It’s certainly a sin like the Fleet commander says. Asking God for His blessing is certainly a decision in this case, one almost bordering on blasphemy, asking God for His blessing to commit a sin.

Of course, Knives is so powerful he keeps that from happening. But he’s become so inhuman to get that powerful. It’s been happening for ages, but I feel like he’s reached his peak now. Just look at him.

Vance loses hope when he sees the Fleet go down, but when Meryl and Milly see they’re still alive, they get right back to work. I love them so much. Life on No Man’s Land is hard but it’s also what makes them so resilient. They make their own hope and they’re used to working for the hard times. As long as they’re still alive, they’re not done.

Say it, Meryl! Despite Vash’s efforts, he can’t do it alone. The only way to succeed is by working together. Not just humans working together, but humans and Plants together as well.

Whoa, what did Vash do? Also where is he? Meryl and Milly found him but where did they put him? Did they just dump him somewhere while they kept working on making contact with the dependent Plants?

Ch 5

“What’s there left to see?” → Coming from Vash, that thought is so hopeless. It means he’s given up on Rem’s promise of a blank ticket, the very core of his ideals. It’s fitting then, that this chapter is called, Ticket to the Future.

Ok, I see, they put him on the floor in the room they’re working in. I’m happy he at least heard Meryl’s conviction to stand with him even if he probably doesn’t believe it wholeheartedly.

He wants to keep going even though he feels like he can’t. Some small part of him doesn’t want to die.

Vash hears the Plants! That’s why he shoots up like that. And they can hear him too.

I wonder what Knives plan is for after he’s done destroying humanity. Is it to find another planet for Plants to live on their own, away from the influence of humanity?

That’s an insane plan, but that’s Vash for you. His face in this section makes me think he isn’t planning on surviving this either. He’s broken his ideals, he’s lost the future he saw for a moment, he doesn’t think there’s anything left for him to see. But to his dying breath, he’ll fight to make sure humanity at least has a future.

Something about the way Knives screams, “Don’t touch me!” really gets to me. Vash is connecting to the dependent Plants, not him, but since Knives is fused with them, he thinks of them as himself. The thing is…I still don’t think they’re him. He’s taken away their autonomy and made them himself, but they are their own separate beings and in the pursuit of his mission, he’s forgotten that.

Oh, wait, Knives is actually trying to do that now to keep Vash from winning. He’s planning on fully incorporating the Dependents so they have no will of their own at all anymore. Which goes counter to his whole point of giving Plants freedom but when has Knives been anything but the world’s biggest hypocrite in the name of assuaging his own fears?

Vash’s beliefs have kept him going for 150 years. It’s what kept him alive and allowed him to do good. It’s sad that he never lived his life truly for himself, but there’s also something beautiful in him believing so strongly in the Plants and their own will, their power to make their own decision, whatever it might be. It’s a stark contrast to Knives, who isn’t even pretending to give them any choice anymore.

In their own way, Vash and Knives are trying to be saviors and saints. Vash for humanity and Plants and Knives just for Plants. While I think Vash goes about it in such a way that hurts him more than helps him, you can’t say that his efforts have been for nothing, that he hasn’t accomplished any good. He’s definitely saved people and Plants, unlike Knives who claims to do those things, but is really fulfilling his own selfish goals and acting out of fear rather than benevolence or actual belief.

But suddenly, somewhere, Vash has found some hope again. He wants to take that blank ticket for himself. He wants to make a better future and see what that world looks like. The only thing is I can’t figure out what caused this change of heart after he’s spent nearly four volumes now being passively suicidal. My best guess is that connecting with the Plants like that gave him some perspective and reminded him of everything he’d dedicated his life to, everything he’d been fighting for.

[b0ngwter]

(Soooo I made an essay about Midnight Mass) (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD)

Most people focus on the themes of religion in the horror show Midnight Mass, but not enough people focus on the underlying themes of regret. Horror has always been looked down upon by many, even though since its origination it’s been used to commentate on extremely nuanced subjects. Black Christmas, 1974, was one of the first slasher movies ever created and subtly tackled heavy subjects such as a woman’s right to an abortion, the year after Roe V Wade. Jordan Peele is one of the biggest contemporary horror directors of the 21st century and every movie he’s made is full of societal critique. Mike Flannagan, writer and director of Midnight Mass, portrays many complex ideas in all his work. Art is created to instill some sort of emotion on the consumer, horror is made to capture and induce fear. Midnight mass uses its backdrop of scary creatures and haunting visuals to tackle heavy storylines, including regret, guilt, and mistakes.

Riley Flynn is the main character for the majority of the show and its most obvious example of regret and guilt. At the beginning of the show he’s just gotten out of prison due to a drunk driving accident where he killed a teenage girl. His arc is about forgiving himself. He speaks with his dear friend Erin about death in episode 4 after Erin has a miscarriage. They talk about what they think happens after you die. Riley, having grown up catholic, has become an atheist after prison and expresses that when he dies he feels “[he’ll] finally be serving a purpose, feeding life” to small animals and bugs. While this discussion of religion seems to point to the themes of an internal theological struggle it also shows the audience how Riley seems to be starting to reconcile with himself. In the following episode Riley is the first to be turned into a vampire like creature that kills to survive. This is the worst possible fate for him and so he decides instead to sacrifice himself to be able to warn Erin of the supernatural plots around them. In the end the last thing he says is “I tried my best” before being burned to ash by the sun. In this scene the camera metaphorically shows Riley and the young girl he killed smiling at each other while peaceful music plays before cutting back to reality, juxtaposed with Erin’s horrified sobs. This ending of his life implies that Riley finally forgave himself at the very end. He thought that in death he’d finally serve a purpose by feeding small microorganisms with what was left of him but ends up protecting so much life.

Riley’s regrets are paralleled with another character throughout all 7 episodes. That character is Monsignor John Pruitt. Pruitt is turned into one of the same creatures as Riley before the show starts. Before being turned he was an 80 year old man, going senile who has been rejuvenated back to around 40. He brings back the original creature that turned him to their town to bring back the woman he had loved in his youth, Mildred Gunning, under the guise of it all being for God, and that this creature is an angel. None of this is revealed until the very end, when we learn that Mildred had been having an affair with Pruitt in their youth and they had a daughter, Sarah, who never even learned who her real father was. He speaks with clarity for the first time in the last episode when he says to Mildred, “but if I’m honest, and there’s no point in being anything else anymore, it was you. It was you, and Sarah. That’s why I did it. That’s why I put that thing in that trunk. That’s why I bribed and lied and smuggled it back here. That was the reason. I didn’t want you to die. The rest of them too but… you and Sarah. I mean our whole lives have been wasted”. The entire plot of the show wasn’t because of religious delusions it was because he regretted never truly being able to be with the woman he loved and their daughter. He even calls this creating '

"That thing" despite only calling it an angel before this. He causes so much pain and suffering on this mission that Mildred herself even tells him was wrong. In this same conversation, she tells him “we made out choices and we lived our lives. She grew up and we faded away and that’s how it’s supposed to work”. After this conversation with her, he seems to finally realize what a grave mistake he’s made. He even tells Sarah that he’s proud of her when she helps put an end to all of this. In the very last scene before he and Mildred burn up in the sun he asks her to forgive him. He’s asking for forgiveness because he knows it's over, the only way to fix anything is just to apologize because it’s too late and he finally has accepted that.

Both Pruitt and Riley have intense regrets in their lives but the biggest difference is that Pruitt does unfathomable things to try to get a second chance and Riley helps save those left. Riley knew there was nothing he could do to change what had happened and accepted it. Pruitt does accept he can’t change the past but only after he’s damned an entire town, including the two people he wanted to save. The entire story is fueled by regret, even though religion is used as a mask for it, these ideas are much more important to the plot line.

[cto10121]

Just responded to one of your posts, realized it was from over 7 years ago and I’m. Not sure if you hold the same opinion as you did then, but I was about hamlet’s age. I wrote there that I had a slightly different take since I’m younger and a younger hamlet makes more sense in my eyes - authority, parents, control, choices and what you’re allowed to do, etc. - but I respect what you have to say and I don’t want to start discourse.

(Also, I’m aware that I’m probably spamming your account and I apologize for that.)

Spam away! Any meta on anything Shakespeare is my bread-and-butter by this point. I was going to do a separate post on the question of Hamlet’s age, but this will do for now.

With regards to Hamlet’s age, it’s both canonically clear and contentious. Hamlet is 30 in the Folio and Quarto 2 that have the Gravedigger’s line, “I’ve been a sexton, man and boy, for thirty years” and states clearly that he first began working on the day Hamlet himself was born (also when King Hamlet overcame Fortinbras).

The only proof of Hamlet’s being sixteen comes from Quarto 1–a.k.a the Bad Quarto, which is radically different from any other version of Hamlet, including Quarto 2 and the First Folio version.

The Bad Quarto may have been an abridged tour version for when Shakespeare’s troupe played the countryside—that is at least one plausible theory—but for the most part, critics have been reluctant to rely on the Bad Quarto completely. It’s just very, very mangled. The famous soliloquy in it begins “To be or not to be—ay, that is the point. To die, to sleep, is that all? Ay, all.”

Those that believe the Bad Quarto had it right and the Quarto and Folio are wrong believe that Shakespeare may have been making Hamlet’s age closer to the real-life age of Richard Burbage, who originated the role—the theory goes that audiences would not accept a portly 30-year-old playing a 16-year-old. Given that the Elizabethans had no problem with young boys playing girls and women and that Shakespeare’s troupe played characters of most all ages, this is really unconvincing to me.

If the Bad Quarto is indeed the correct one, then there is one logical explanation for the change: Shakespeare changed his mind. He decided not to have a sixteen-year-old Hamlet after all. It would explain why the “thirty years” line is consistent in all subsequent versions of the play and why Heminges & Condell did not change it. Either that, or the Bad Quarto transcriber simply drew on what he knew of the play or story from other sources—maybe that Ur-Hamlet supposedly written by Thomas Kyd—that did have a teen Hamlet.

So yes, young Hamlet does make sense in almost all respects (except, ironically enough, his attending university—royals had private tutors and only nobility went to university). But as far as canon goes, Shakespeare had a darker purpose in mind. Either way, it’s not as if 30 is super-old either, and in this day and age, you’ll find plenty of 30-year-olds still under their parents’ thumb.

[thranduilland]

I posted 11,565 times in 2022

57 posts created (0%)

11,508 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@msgeekstyle

@do-you-have-a-flag

@writerman

@accidentallypallas

@quarra

I tagged 522 of my posts in 2022

#dreamling - 30 posts

#dream of the endless - 29 posts

#lol - 27 posts

#hob gadling - 23 posts

#omfg - 18 posts

#the sandman - 18 posts

#hahaha - 14 posts

#sandman - 9 posts

#long will i queue ere i begin this war for gold - 8 posts

#rings of power - 7 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Head canon that started out with @msgeekstyle as a cracky 'haha, but what if?!' that has slowly started to consume my life. I'll have to write fic for it after I finish my fae Hob series but...

Hob as the spawn of Lucifer. His dad was some human, Hob never found out who. They spent their entire life hiding out in Hell, affectionally referred to as 'the Hope in Hell' because of how much everyone loved them. Then, into their 20s-30s they were like 'mother, I'm off to the human realm, I want to explore' and Lucifer is like '... you're just going to break out if I try to ground you here, aren't you?' and Hob is like 'what can I say, mother? You are the original rebel and I take after you greatly' and Lucifer is like 'God did this to me on purpose! Fine!! You can go! Be careful!!'

Hob hanging about with the humans, getting into some of their battles. Falling in love with their innovation and persistence. Stubbornly ignoring the baby demons Lucifer sent along to keep an eye on him.

1389 comes along, Hob's human friends have dragged him along to a pub. They're all chatting about death, because why the fuck not? and Hob decides to play devil's advocate and declare that he's simply never gonna die. Death is stupid and he has far more interesting shit to get up to.

Dream and Death are intrigued by him, because there is just... something about him. They have their wager and Dream goes to inform Hob, who has no idea who he is talking to but is like 'yeah, I'm game for this! :D ' and agrees to meet back in the pub in a hundred years.

Hob trots off back to Hell like 'Mother, I made a magical friend! We're going to meet in a hundred years to talk about my life' and Lucifer is like '... who is this person?' and Hob is just 'dunno, anyway, gotta run, promised I'd help my human friends with something!!' Lucifer tries to ask Hob's minders who the stranger was, but they're young enough they have never met Dream or Death before so they're like 'idk.'

The 1489 meeting happens as per canon and Hob has a moment where he is actually genuinely afraid he has made a deal with one of his mum's demons, though he's sure they all would know better than to fuck with him like that. So, he's really relieved when Dream clarifies it's nothing like that. Hob trots off back to Hell to tell his mother about his meeting with his stranger. She again is like 'wtf is it ?!' and he's like 'dunno!! Gotta run! :D' and she asks his minders again and they're like 'dunno', cos they still have no fucking clue who Dream is. Lucifer sighs about it and sends Crowley to keep an eye on him, because Crowley is old enough to have met basically every magical being that it could be. Crowley is like 'yeah, alright, I'll do it.'

1589 comes around. Crowley has already figured out that the mystery stranger isn't a danger to Hob, because if he was he'd have already done something to him at either their first meeting or their second. So he spends the time indulgently watching Aziraphale drink people under the table the whole night. They head on back to Hell and Lucifer is like 'so who was it?!' and Crowley is like 'oh, didn't see, I was busy keeping an angel of the Lord from noticing Hope's presence' and Lucifer is like '... fair argument. Fine. Do better next time!' and Crowley is like 'yep, 100% will do that!'

1600s come along, Eleanor and Robyn die and Hob goes into a full on bout of depression. Crowley has to dig him out of the river when they drown him as a witch. He gets quietly handed over to Aziraphale who plies him with tea and food and books to try and perk him up a bit, but it doesn't work, and he wanders off back into the streets of London. 1689 meeting comes along, Crowley is busy searching for him and has completely forgotten that the meeting was supposed to take place, else he woulda gone straight there. Hob doesn't go back to Hell to tell Lucifer about it, so she doesn't get an gossip from that session and when she asks Crowley about it he's just like '... he's having a rough time, can't chat long!'

1700s comes along and Hob has thrown himself into the shipping business, ignoring the demonic influence riddled throughout every single point of it. The influence is familiar to him, he grew up surrounded by it, so it's comfortable for him, familiar. So he stays. Has his 1789 meeting with Dream, where Dream tells him it's wrong and initially he's defensive, because who the hell does Dream think he is?!? but then he folds to it, decides to consider it more in depth later... they have their fight with Lady Constantine (Crowley was busy dismantling the carriage outside while the fight was occurring).

Hob goes back to Hell and tells Lucfer about it. She's livid that he got attacked, but he's just like 'nah, it was great and I ALMOST got a name out of my stranger, I'm sure of it!!' and Lucifer is like to Crowley 'did you see who they were finally?' and Crowley is like 'nah, I was busy destroying the carriage so they couldn't get away' and she's like '... fine, I'll allow it...'

1889 comes around. Crowley has a prior engagement with Aziraphale so some other smuck demon gets sent to watch over Hob. Hob doesn't return to Hell after the meeting cos he's too busy drinking his sorrows, but the minor demon does return after Crowley picks up their shift and they're like to Lucifer 'uhm, still don't know who they are, but they're an asshole and they broke Hope's heart D:' and Lucifer is like 'WHAT?! I am going to destroy them!! Whoever they are!!'

Dream doesn't show for the 1989 meeting, obvs. Crowley reports this to Lucifer who is like 'oh, I really am going to ruin them. Just absolutely smite them!! who do they think they are?!?! Playing with my son's heart like this?!?' Lucifer sends Hob a Hell Hound to try to cheer him up, but he sends it back and asks for a Hell Cat instead, Lucifer is like '... yeah sure, okay'. Hob immediately names his Hell Cat 'Eye in the Dark' and it becomes a ball of black fur, that is a stealthy beast of prey. Lucifer is like 'did you have to name it like that?!' and Hob is like 'what's wrong with that?!?!'

Somewhere around this time, Lucifer gives birth to Adam and the events of Good Omens start to kick into play, so some other poor smuck demons get stuck watching Hob, because Crowley is busy watching over Warlock, who he thinks is the Antichrist. Lucifer sends out a Hell Hound for Adam, who names it Dog. Lucifer hearing about this sends Hob a message like 'I take it back. Eye in the Dark is a respectable name for a Hell Creature, please impart this knowledge to your baby brother, who named their's 'Dog!' Hob thinks that is hilarious.

The Apocalypse that Wasn't happens a few months before Dream escapes. Crowley, following the events of the Not Apocalypse gets a message to Lucifer like 'you still want me to keep an eye on the Hell Spawns or nah?! I'm officially off the clock, otherwise' and Lucifer is like '... you know what?!? Yes, keep an eye on them for me and I'll grant you a pardon' and so Crowley continues to check in on Hob, Warlock, and Adam. Hob has basically adopted Warlock as his own baby brother, and dotes upon both boys... and all their friends.

Dream comes back. Has his duel with Lucifer, neither of them knowing about the other's connection to Hob. Dream still wins with Hope, which Lucifer takes hard because like... that's her son, not that Dream knows that. Dream leaves and continues on his canon path, talks with Death, gets nudged to come find Hob.

They meet at the New Inn as per canon, but they agree to keep meeting. Dream pops in at random times and they start dating. Hob misses a check in with Crowley one day because he's busy in bed with Dream.

Crowley bursts into the apartment like 'Hell Spawn?!?!?! Where are you Hell Spawn?!? You can't do this to me, Hell Spawn! I can't tell your mother that I lost another of her sons on my watch!! Don't do that to me, Hell Spawn!!' and Hob is like 'ugh!! I'm fine, Uncle Crowley, go away!!!' and Crowley is like 'nope. Not until I have seen for myself that you are not dying!! I have a duty of care, Hell Spawn!!' and Hob is like 'I AM A GROWN MAN!!' but he stomps out to the living room anyway like 'See?!?! Not dying. Now fuck off, please!!'

Crowley is like 'alright, I will go, but next time, text me, Hell Spawn. You can't just expect me to- Hell Spawn!!! Get behind me!!!!' because Dream has wandered in from behind Hob and Crowley a) knows who Dream is and b) is aware that Dream is on the DNI list for Hell. Hob is like 'what are you doing?! that's just my boyfriend!!' and Crowley is like 'YOU ARE DATING DREAM OF THE ENDLESS?!?!?!' and Hob is like 'His name is Morpheus!!!!' Dream is like '?!?!?!?' about the entire thing. Crowley is like 'Just wait until your mother hears about this!! Cannot believe-!! She is going to slaughter me!! Then she's going to slaughter him!!! then you're going to be grounded forever!!!' and Hob is like 'what are you on about?!'

Crowley eventually leaves, Dream and Hob awkwardly have to explain things to each other, including that one time like 'oh yeah, I beat your mother in duel by apparently invoking you?!?!'

Bonus scene 1:

Dream staring at Eye in the Dark, before he learns of Hob's true nature like 'Why do you have a Hell Cat?!' and Hob is like 'What?! That's just Eye in the Dark, she is a sweetheart!!! :D' Eye in the Dark meanwhile is hissing at Dream like 'hurt him and you won't see me coming!!!' and Dream is like 'So noted, little sister, I mean him no harm...'

Bonus scene 2:

Jed: Who are they, Uncle Dream?

Hob: Oh, these are my little brothers, Warlock and Adam.

Adam: I'm the Antichrist.

Warlock: Former Antichrist.

Adam: Well...

Jed: ...

Adam: Hey, wanna hear that time I almost destroyed the world?!?!?!

See the full post

290 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#4

Okay, okay, but the mental image was too good. I had to share.

Dream coming to visit Hob at his apartment, Hob's JUST gotten a new appliance of some sort that came in a big cardboard box, that he's left sitting on the floor in the living room, like 'eh, I'll recycle it later' while he's setting up the appliance. Dream takes one look at the cardboard box, his eyes go all black and he turns into a cat and jumps inside, curls up and goes to sleep. Hob, watching on, is like '... hello?! What just happened?! I didn't... even know... you could do that?!'

443 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#3

So, Hob learning about Dream's imprisonment and Dream kinda being real down at how much things have changed and how little a hand he had in that at all, like he's the collective unconscious of humanity's dreams and... humans obviously don't need him anymore, because they did just fine without him for over a century...

Hob making a physical mix tape (or two or three or-) of all the songs Dream has missed between 1916 to when he got free that are about 'the Sandman', or about dreams/daydreams/the Dreaming etc, etc. The mix tape just has 'Dream' written on it.

But, Hob doesn't have anything left that would actually play a mix tape anymore, so he also makes a digital playlist and the next time Dream visits him, he sits Dream down in his apartment like 'Humans never forgot about you, Dream. Even when you weren't here. We were looking for you, thinking of you. Trust me?' and Dream just nods. So, Hob lets the playlist play at random, he made it by year, but he just lets it run as fate dictates.

Of course, the first song is Talk by Hozier, and almost immediately it gets Dream crying, because Hob has no idea the significance of that song. Hob almost stops the playlist entirely, but Dream shakes his head, tells him to keep playing it.

After Talk comes Evanescence's Imaginary, comes Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics, comes Dream On by Aerosmith, comes Enter Sandman by Metallica, comes Mr Sandman by the Chordettes, comes the River of Dreams by Billy Joel, comes the Gunner's Dream by Pink Floyd, comes Trees (Hallway of Leaves) by Sleeping at Last, comes-

They have to stop, because there are too many songs to play all in one go, but when they do stop, Dream is a wreck, clinging to Hob and thanking him with a shaking voice. Hob clings back just as tight and smiles brightly and says 'ah, my dearest friend, this is nothing, wait until you hear all the poems!'

883 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

#2

Rose snapping a pic of her Uncle Dream with her History Prof and the pic just manages to get the exact moment where Dream is looking at Hob like Hob hung the damn moon while Hob is obliviously reading something to him from one of the history books. She sends the pic to Dream with the caption 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and Dream just leaves it on read... she sends it to Hob and he just sends back a bunch of love hearts and the pleading face emoji...

1,227 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Alright. But Hob accidentally making the New Inn as a temple to Morpheus. All of Moprheus' more loyal but still epically curious Dreams/Nightmares (except for Gilbert) being like 'hey, hey, wait. This is a temple to Lord Morpheus, right? So, technically, this land is part of Lord Morpheus' realm, so technically, if we go to the New Inn... we aren't leaving the Dreaming, so Lord Morpheus can't get mad at us!!'

So, Dreams and Nightmares keep showing up at the Inn, but Hob doesn't know that they're Dreams and Nightmares, he just thinks they're kind of odd regulars. They all become oddly fond and protective of Hob, like 'he's our Lord Morpheus' high priest, no one messes with our hi- we mean, with our Lord's high priest!!'

By the time Dream gets free, the New Inn is the regular haunt of more Dreams/Nightmares than humans, unless one includes Hob's own students, who get discounts there. Dream shows back up at the New Inn, does NOT notice any of his Dreams/Nightmares because he's too busy making heart eyes at Hob and being all 'omg, pls take me back, I fucked up, I am sorry! D: ' without saying even 1% of that.

Dream only notices his Dreams/Nightmares are literally there watching him flirt with Hob when they make out on like the third date, and Hob's students all start whistling/cheering/clapping/etc and Hob is like 'oh no'. Dream turns to look at the other guests and finds himself meeting eyes with one of his own subjects and it's just that scene where Corinthian and Gilbert see each other, only this time it's Dream and a bunch of his own subjects, like suddenly everywhere he looks he finds a familiar pair of eyes and he's like '!!!??!?!?' and they're all like 'hey, boss, technically you own the land, so we're not breaking any rules :) ' and Dream suddenly suffers the mortifying ordeal of being known by his subjects... and Hob, but Hob doesn't count anymore because he worked through his mortification over that one...

2,413 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[flameaurasphere]

Why I Chose Social Work

[Long overdue draft]

Recently, I graduated from polytechnic with a Diploma in Mass Media Management. I promptly applied for university and was offered an undergraduate study in Social Work (which I accepted). Many people (well, mostly my peers) have posed me this question, “Why Social Work?”, and often follow up with “Why not continue media/communications/business?”

It’s personally a tough question to answer. There isn’t a specific event/reason that defined my decision; no way I could respond succinctly.

Hence, today, I'm taking the time & effort to answer this pressing query once and for all. For easy reading, I’ve broken this into several segments. This is the (complete) story of why I chose Social Work:

1. I Wanted To Be A Nurse (or so I thought)

7-year-old me saw nursing as an honourable career. To serve and heal people when even their own kin cannot is so noble, so meaningful, so privileged. But 12-year-old me began to think otherwise when I started frequenting the hospital because of my father and grandmother’s hospitalisation. I didn’t want to wash some old stranger’s buttocks. I didn’t want to hear “Missy” hollered relentlessly. I didn’t wanna face death every other day. But I still wanted to serve and help though. I supposed social work was a good compromise.

2. Guilt-ridden

Sometimes, I feel that my family circumstances had inadvertently led to this. One part of it was my father’s demise. 12-year-old me was immature, distracted, and did not care for my father as much as I should have. I was swept with grief and guilt when he passed away. As I had failed to alleviate my father’s psychosocial emotional needs in this lifetime, I should at least do it for others, so he did not die in vain.

3. Media Projects (this is the reason I shared during my Social Work interview)

During my last semester in my diploma course, I produced a short film for HBO Asia Competition themed ‘Invisible Stories’.

Story From The Slum is a mini-documentary unravelling the story of an elderly resident in Jalan Kukoh — deemed one of the poorest estates in Singapore. Through conversations with the residents and founder of GOLD Ministry (a community support group), I realised there is a deeper issue outweighing the financial struggle. Hence, this heartfelt film sheds light on the real 'invisible' problem in this misunderstood neighbourhood.

This meaningful, intimate experience kindled my newfound desire to make a social impact. Before embarking on my polytechnic journey, I had self-loathed in my lack of drive. Now, I want to change the public perception of fundamental topics and issues.

4. Struggle With Self-Esteem and Mental Issues

I think this is self-explanatory. Humans are strange; we’d help others who are in the same/similar predicament as us, but not before we help ourselves. 

5. A Change Of Mind

I consider myself fickle-minded and was never dead set on one career goal. I have friends who knew they wanted to be a policewoman, an aerospace engineer, a businessman for many years - heck, ever since they developed the ability to imagine. That’s not me. I wanted to be a journalist for the local English newspaper, but this COVID-19 pandemic has got me thinking about other prospects. 

6. A Change Of Heart (Religion)

When I need to review my purpose in life and personal morals, I turn to my religion, Buddhism. It has taught me to do good (aka social work). And you cannot go wrong with accumulating good karma... Right? Right...?

7. I Didn’t Choose Social Work; Social Work Chose Me

Long story short, I did not make the cut to the top universities in my country (aka the big three) no matter how many appeal letters I scribbled, so I could not continue my education in media/comms/business. This crazy, little university that is unheard of in my community decided to take me in. I don’t know what the Director-General of Social Welfare at the Ministry of Social and Family Development saw in me, but thank you for choosing me and changing my fate.

[whiteclericmaris]

A few years ago I attempted to commit suicide. Now younger me was all "I know. Suicide is a sin. I know and firmly believed one statement that I read regarding the 7 sacred flames about how often when it is attempted it is regretted. But as I was channeling Hades he told me to attempt suicide as I felt my Mother was not listening to me and to be honest she was very busy with her work schedule. So I decided to follow and what surprised me was God saying that I had to prepare an olaf before I did the act. In case you don't know olaf is a sin offering that came from the torah. Goats and sheep/lamb were particularly precious animals when someone commited a sin against another. This was a statute that Aaron and his lineage would be tied too in one of the first five chapters of the Bible.

So here I am preparing an olaf and eating it before I commit to the act. It didn't take one but two days just for my plan to work and die. It's amazing what the human body will do just to stay alive. So here I am dieing (again as even if I can't remember it I died when I was around 4 years old and my Mother would recount the story to others sometimes).

It was night time but I could even feel when the pulse of my heart stopped. It was then when I found myself surrounded by white and love. It was everywhere. I found myself meeting with Jesus and I was surprised to learn that a character I had channeled visions about when alive that followed me was God.

One of the questions I had asked was "If I accomplished my mission?" The answer was no and I had anticipated doing a life review as well I'm dead. Jesus at first asked me "If I would return" and my response was "No." As I wasn't exactly in the best situation as I barely communicated with my Mother and she mainly focused on work. I don't remember what were Jesus' exact words but I remember he had indicated some concern about my mother when I had died. I don't remember what he instructed me but there was this vision of like a red cloud appearing and the pulse was back in my body. I had been resuscitated!

It sucked because of the recovery that I'd have to go through and it hurt because I wanted to feel the room full of love again. I missed it. In a way I realize that this love is always around me as I feel a sense of calmness and love during the quiet moments when I go to bed and wake up in the morning.

"Maris how could you do that to yourself?" A higher power called me and I remember when Jesus realized that was why I died that this is a part of the reason he was willing to resuscitate me.

But that can only happen once right? Well I attempted suicide sometime last year. I knew the cost but what really hurt me is that my Grandma caught me in the act and called my Mother. My Mother rushed me to the Hospital to get treated. I don't recall what exactly happened this 3rd time I had died. I can barely remember visions or communication.

This is how I know that Miracles and God's Will is very real! I attempted suicide 2 times and was resuscitated. I don't think it's that God is keeping me on Earth on purpose to not be in Heaven "because you have sinned child." I know that God's love is real and while I have to keep the mentality of concerns such as food, shelter, water, chores while I'm still alive I know that when I die according to God's will it will be worth it! There is love all around us even when we are alive.

[auberginesdonthavelimbs]

Just finished book 2 of 5. I was impressed at how grounded and believable the protagonist was at first; everything she did felt like what a 15-year-old in her situation would do.

But then, alas, the love triangle. She had to be illogically in love with the guy she'd had two conversations with because. You know.

And of course he's also gross and possessive, and the other guy is a bit too but not as bad. But also literally just everyone involved in this situation has handled it so badly. Mostly before the book started. So much of this could have been avoided.

So, not important why, the fairies needed an in to human society, so they picked a fairy girl who was still young enough to pass for a human toddler but I guess in their culture old enough to make life and death decisions for herself. Someone compared her mental development at that age to a human 11- or 12-year old.

She agrees to have her memories completely and irretrievably erased. Her entire identity will be erased and replaced with a new person who will grow up thinking she's human. This kid has volunteered to die.

And this kid has a best friend, maybe a bit more than a best friend. And she - irresponsibly, cruelly - promises him that she'll try to remember him, and that they'll find a way to be in each other's lives again after her memories are erased.

That was nonsense and she must have been told as much. Either she was lying in a misguided attempt to make it easier for him or she really didn't understand, but either way I think it shows how immature she was.

So this kid's memories get erased. She's basically dead now. A new child occupies her body, who is able to speak and reason but has no autobiographical memories. She grows up and becomes her own person.

Meanwhile, the best friend is waiting to see the girl again. As soon as he's old enough (actually two years before that standard age, no idea why that was allowed), he enlists in the fairy military so he can be assigned as a guard to the girl. They are trained in combat, but the guards' role mostly consists of making sure no one finds out the kid isn't human, and using memory-erasing elixers to cover up any revelations. When the friend enlists, it's been about 7 years, and the girl is, for most intents and purposes, a ten year old child.

He spends the next five years spying on her off and on. For her protection, and to keep the secret, of course. It's still an uncomfortable violation of her privacy, but at least for the other guards it's just a job.

But this guy. Is convinced that his best friend is still in there. Worse, at some point before the book begins, he has managed to convince himself that he is in love with this girl, who he's never actually interacted with outside of spying.

He's a full adult. He was practically an adult when he first enlisted, five years ago. When she was 10.

This should not have happened. It would have been blindingly obvious to anyone why he wanted this assignment so badly. He was obsessed with this girl. He did not hide this fact. Someone should have sat him down and explained that his friend was dead and not coming back. Someone should have denied him the guard duty on the grounds that he is way too emotionally involved. He was clearly not ready to be normal about this child who was wearing his dead friend's face.

(And name, incidentally. That was also a stupid idea. Whoever decided that is also on my list of people who handled this situation badly. This girl, the protagonist, who was raised as a human, deserves better than to be called by the name of the dead child she looks like. It was already going to be hard enough for people who knew that girl to see the protagonist as her own distinct person. Giving her the same name just unnecessarily muddies things.)

And he is not remotely normal about it. He immediately starts flirting with the protagonist the first time they speak. A few conversations later, he says he's in love with her. Not just because she used to be his friend, but also because he watched her singing to herself when she thought she was alone. And whatever else he saw of her when she didn't know he was there.

And I think the adults in his life failed him, and I think his friend told him a cruel lie that gave him false hope, but also he is an adult now and holy shit dude no you are not in love with the child you've been spying on the last five years please stop.

It gets worse in the second book.

I am still planning to finish the series.

I just started reading a Twilight knockoff (affectionate) from 2009 and was delighted to find the protag was a whiny annoying 15yo. She apparently hates other teenagers and complains to her parents about being forced to interact with them. 20 pages in and my expectations are so high.

[mulberrytea]

Anonymous asked: what's it like being 23?

ryebreadgf answered: you still feel 18 just like you felt 15 when you were 18 and just like you felt 9 when you were 15 and just like you feel 6 always

gaycommunist: actually, growing up is feeling like i turned sixteen two days ago. i've been eighteen for years. fifteen year olds seem so young. wasn't i fifteen just a few weeks ago? all my friends and i are still twelve. i'm closer to thirty then to being a baby. i never got to be a kid. i never grew past eight. i can't talk to my mom. i want to sit in her lap forever. the week is going by so slow. an entire year has passed. i want to decide everything for myself. i need someone to tell me exactly what to do.

"Be softer with you. You are a breathing thing. A memory to someone. A home to a life.” — Nayyirah Waheed

So when you met the new you Were you scared? Were you cold Were you kind? Yeah when you met the new you Did someone die inside?

Looks like it's time to decide Are you here? Are you now? Is this it? All of those selves that you tried Wasn't one of 'em good enough?

And I was so young

When I behaved

Twenty five

Yet now I find

I've grown into

A tall child

“The trees you planted in childhood have grown too heavy. You cannot bring them along. Give yourselves to the air, to what you cannot hold.” — Rainer Maria Rilke, “Part One IV,” from Sonnets to Orpheus

“Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose” — Felix Gonzalez-Torres

It is not the fear of moving on that scares me it is the fear of never going back. They never told us just how much it would cost to choose in life.

"In the end, everyone is aware of this: nobody keeps any of what he has, and life is only a borrowing of bones."

— Pablo Neruda

Remember: You will never Have these days Again.

“Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.”

— Homer, The Iliad 

i don't pay attention to the world ending. it has ended for me many times and began again in the morning.

Everywhere you look there's beauty, and it's rimed with death. If you find injustice you'll find humans, and this means that if you listen, you'll find love. The substance of the world is light, is water: here, clear even when it's dying; even when the dying seems unbearable, it runs.

“I am awfully sentimental. Of books, belongings, people, places. It matters very little how positive or negative the experience was. If it shared some meaningful time in my life, I’ll have trouble letting go.” ― Beau Taplin, Buried Light

your lover gives you his copy of ovid. inside is a note that reads, change has always been tragically beautiful. your dreams and nightmares both are haunted with transformation

But a woman is a changeling

Always shifting shape

Just when you think you have it figured out

Something new begins to take

What strange claws are these

Scratching at my skin?

I never knew my killer would be coming from within

“People confuse past With present. They think you are Still who you used to be, When that person has Long since died Their death.”― David Jones, Love and Space Dust

just another birthday

1/2

1. Madeline L'Engle 2. @/ryebreadgf 3. @/gaycommunist 4. Nayyirah Waheed 5. upside down and inside out by OK Go 6. The Pride By Alexi Kaye Campbell 7. @/chacoco 8. War of the Foxes by Richard Siken 9. Daphne du Maurier 10. @/ryebreadgf 11. First Love / Late Spring by Mitski 12. Sonnets to Orpheus, Part One, IV by Rainer Maria Rilke 13. The Heart Remembers: A Memoir of Personal Growth by J. Lei  14. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön 15. Rachel Wolchin 16. Adonis, from “Persons”, Selected Poems via (@/weltenwellen) 17. @/grendel-menz 18. Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami 19. Kevin Lucbert 20. David Jones 20. @/sharksandpoems 21. thoughts of a stray iii 22. The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson 23. Love Letters or Suicide Notes by Doc Luben 24. The Empty Book by Josefina Vicens 25. Felix Gonzalez-Torres 26. we're not really strangers 27. Pablo Neruda 28. unknown/attributed to multiple sources 29: Homer, The Iliad 30. Nayyirah Waheed 31. Forge by Jan Zwicky 32. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami 33. @/hel7l7 34. Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson 35. The Black Unicorn: Poems by Audre Lorde 36. Welcome to Night Vale by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor 37. Lesley Imgart 38. Hello World by tfb 39. @/hel7l7 40. Buried Light by Beau Taplin 41. @/hel7l7 42. Little Weirds by Jenny Slate 43. Eternal City by Kathleen Graber 44. Hans Vandekerckhove —The Road Never Ends 45. unknown/attributed to multiple sources 46. GOD GAVE THE DESERT TOO MANY TEETH (R. Wright) 47. Fallen Angel by Keaton St. James 48. Flowers on the Grave by The Maine 49. @/grendel-menz 50. Questions for Ada by Ijeoma Umebinyuo 51. @EmilyRCWilson (twitter) 52. Ribs by Lorde 53. Overwhelmed by Valeria Duca 54. The Beer by Kimya Dawson 55. King by Florence + The Machine 56. White Nights by Fyodor Dostoevsky 57. Dialogue Between an AI and a Poet @/demasc 58. @/hel7l7 59. @/azraqed 60. Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery 61. Love and Space Dust by David Jones 62. Octavio Paz, tr. by Eliot Weinberger, from “Sunstone”, The Poems of Octavio Paz (via @/weltenwellen) 63. Blue Iris: Poems and Essays by Mary Oliver 64. sketch 28/12/17. by @/holly-warbs 65. The Glass Essay by Anne Carson 66. Dear Boy by Emily Berry

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: Wei Wuxian has achieved time travel! He's gonna fix so many broken things. Unfortunately, WWX has miscalculated a teensy tiny variable and instead of arriving in his original 15yo body in Lotus Pier, he's crash landed in MXY's tiny 7~8yo body at Mo Manor. But no problem, he can fix this if he can just find his real body. (Meanwhile, Yunmeng Jiang's head disciple is acting the wrong kind of childish, aka, Mo Xuanyu is having the weirdest day of his young life.)

Switcheroo - ao3

Mo Xuanyu thought that this Wei Wuxian person whose body he’d stolen must have been a really interesting person, mostly because he’d been here for three days so far and nobody’d noticed the switch yet.

Possibly it had to do with the fact that Mo Xuanyu still wasn’t exactly sure how he’d stolen the body – he’d just gone to sleep in the shed, same as always, and then he’d woken up in the softest bed he’d ever encountered in his life…no, softer than even his dreams! He’d thought it over and concluded that he must have died from cold out in the shed, turned into a fierce ghost out of resentment, grown powerful (somehow), then stolen some rich young master’s body when they weren’t paying close enough attention and, once he’d possessed the body, promptly lost all his memory of being a ghost.

It seemed like the only logical course of events.

He was very sorry about it, though. Wei Wuxian seemed like a nice, if very unusual person.

The first day, Mo Xuanyu had barely even noticed the body-switch, being quite so enamored of the soft bed he was in – he’d refused to get out of bed at all, declaring that he was going to lie in and sleep for a century or more, and the people who’d come to the door to get him didn’t beat him or anything over it, but rather just laughed or rolled their eyes and then left him to it. Luckily, at the time, he’d just assumed he was dead or something and proceeded to ignore everything in favor of napping.

He only acknowledged that he was alive later in the afternoon, when his stomach started growling – it seemed like a very unlikely thing for a dead man’s stomach to do.

Mo Xuanyu had by that point figured out that he wasn’t himself anymore, which was fine since he didn’t much like himself; he’d also figured out, through looking himself over, that he was old now. At least fifteen or sixteen, which was twice the age he last remembered himself being. That was fine, too, though: being older meant that he was stronger and faster and would be better able to handle it when people wanted to beat him or something. Most importantly, though, it meant he was old enough to enter the kitchen on his own!

Mo Xuanyu already knew that he wasn’t allowed to eat at the main table, being only the bastard son of the younger daughter, and the cook back at home was a fierce woman who didn’t allow anyone under the age of ten into her kitchen; as a result, he had to wait for his mother to bring him back some food, and it was always cold and not quite enough. Now, though, since he was older, he figured he might as well try to go to the kitchen and fill his belly that way.

Luckily, while his current body’s house was much bigger than the Mo house, all houses were generally built along the same lines, so it wasn’t hard to find the kitchen. Everyone there laughed when he showed up, even though he’d tried to be very quiet and sneak in and then screwed it up by tripping over his own feet – it seemed like everyone thought he was doing it on purpose to be funny – and then the cooks gave him a meal of his own that was hot and fresh and wonderful.

He'd wolfed it down.

“Honestly, Wei Wuxian, you eat like a hungry ghost, you’d think the Jiang clan starves you,” one of them scolded him, but with a smile, and from that Mo Xuanyu learned that the rich young master was called Wei Wuxian and that he lived with the Jiang clan. The different surnames confused him a little, but he didn’t dare ask any questions about it, so he just stuffed his mouth and pretended that was the reason he couldn’t answer.

No one questioned it.

No one questioned it when he went wandering all around instead of doing whatever chores or duties he’d been assigned, either. Someone had actually seen him hovering by a door and asked him to bring back a pheasant when he returned, so out of lack of better options he’d headed outside to try to go find one.

He had a pretty good time walking around the forest, then remembered what he’d been asked and chased the pheasants for a while, without success . Fortunately, he then got lucky and stumbled over an old snare that had three pheasants caught inside, so he’d picked up the whole box and carted it back home.

“Three,” one of the boys in purple-blue marveled as he saw Mo Xuanyu walking towards the kitchen. “You know, people say that the birds around the Lotus Pier have gotten too smart to be caught easily, but look at our da-shixiong; he makes it look easy!”

From this, Mo Xuanyu could figure out that Wei Wuxian was (apparently!) part of a cultivator clan, apparently located at a place called the Lotus Pier, and that he was the oldest or at least head disciple, to boot. He knew all about cultivator clans from his mother, since apparently his father had been a sect leader, and that meant he knew enough to call the other boy ‘shidi’ as he passed, making the other boy beam happily.

It also meant that when he chanced a guess and called the young woman in a pretty pink dress who waved at him ‘shijie’, she smiled and nodded, which meant to him that he’d done the right thing.

“I heard you slept even more of the morning away than usual,” she told him, but didn’t seem too upset about it. “I bet that means you’ll be skipping dinner and staying up all night, hmm?”

Mo Xuanyu had no intention of skipping dinner if it was anything like what the kitchens had given him earlier, actually, but while he was still trying to figure out a way to say that, she said, leaning in close to whisper, “It’s probably a good idea, anyway – Mother and Father are fighting again. Just go to the kitchens to grab something…I promise I’ll make it up to you with some soup tomorrow, pork ribs and lotus roots, your favorite. All right?”

“Shijie, you’re the best,” Mo Xuanyu said effusively, willing to die for her at once, and she laughed and tousled his hair.

“I am,” she said, looking happy. “And if my little A-Xian stays good and obedient, I may even feed him.”

She did, too, the next day when he finally tore himself out of the beautiful wonderful soft bed and went to go find her. She’d made him soup, just as he’d promised, and laughed and laughed for some reason: apparently, she interpreted him being quiet and not talking too much as his efforts to be ‘good and obedient’, which was apparently so out of the ordinary as to be a deliberate joke.

From this, Mo Xuanyu concluded that the young master he’d possessed, Wei Wuxian, was a jackass.

Well, perhaps that was a bit harsh. Arrogant and self-centered, talented and brave and probably brilliant, definitely charming and maybe even kind, but also spoiled and inclined to step on other people to get where he wanted to go, if Mo Xuanyu had to guess – why else would everyone constantly react as if him not being obnoxious was the world’s biggest stunt?

No one seemed to expect anything of him at all: he didn’t do any chores, and no one batted an eyelid; he didn’t go where he was told, and everyone just sighed…at one point the sect leader himself came and patted him on the head, scolding him in a joking tone that he hadn’t seen him leading any of the training the way he was supposed to – but when Mo Xuanyu quailed, he’d burst out laughing, telling ‘Wei Wuxian’ to stop pretending to be a scared little rabbit, that it was fine if he’d gotten distracted by some clever new invention or whatever, that someone else would handle it, that he should take as long as he needed.

Mo Xuanyu had pasted a great big smile on his face through force of effort and agreed cheerfully.

The sect leader had accepted it.

Probably a jackass, but clearly a beloved one, Mo Xuanyu thought to himself as he packed up clothing and a few small treasures that no one would miss, a little wistful. The scare of the whole encounter had put things in perspective – he wasn’t going to be able to keep up this sort of façade for long. In fact, he was shocked he’d managed it so long already; surely, no matter how many pranks this Wei Wuxian played, no matter how childishly he behaved, surely someone should’ve noticed that he was actually an eight-year-old masquerading as a sixteen-year-old?

Mo Xuanyu couldn’t decide whether it was sad that no one paid too much attention or something that this Wei Wuxian fellow had brought down on his own head by being so consistently annoying.

Either way, there was nothing for it – he was going to have to leave.

Now that part was really sad: he’d never in his life had such good food, or such a soft bed, or even so many people that just seemed plain old happy to see him as since he’d arrived in this place. But he wasn’t the one all those things were for; he was just a sad ghost possessing a person, and if he stayed, the cultivators would eventually figure out something was wrong and exorcise him.

Probably violently.

Mo Xuanyu probably deserved it, too, but despite that he wasn’t willing.

So he packed up what he could and headed out.

He got all the way to the gate before a new purple-clad disciple – about his age, if he had to guess, and holding a pack like he’d just come back from a trip, with a scowl on his face – called out for Wei Wuxian.

Mo Xuanyu waved a little, hoping that that would be enough.

For the first time, it wasn’t.

The boy’s face settled into an even deeper scowl.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” he demanded. “Wei Wuxian! You’re acting all weird – hey! Where are you going?”

Mo Xuanyu was running away, obviously. He wasn’t about to get tied up and exorcised, no thank you.

He didn’t think he’d make it, but it was still worth trying.

Sure enough, the purple-clad boy who was probably called Jiang Cheng, based on what everyone was calling out as they ran by, got tired of running and jumped on his sword, and there was no way Mo Xuanyu would be able to outrun a sword, not even if he tried as fast as he –

Someone picked him up.

It wasn’t Jiang Cheng.

Mo Xuanyu turned his head and stared.

It must be some sort of yao, he thought. Humans were definitely not that pretty.

“Lan Wangji!” Jiang Cheng howled. “What are you even doing in the Lotus Pier?! Put my shixiong down!”

The rescuer, Lan Wangji, frowned a little at Mo Xuanyu.

Mo Xuanyu didn’t know exactly what expression he ought to be making in return, and was a bit too dazed to even dare to guess. He’d just noticed that they were flying – flying! on a sword! – and he was clutching onto this Lan Wangji’s shoulders for dear life.

“You are not Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said. His voice sounded very definitive.

“Uh,” Mo Xuanyu said. “Sorry? Please don’t drop me.”

“I will not. What is your name?”

“Mo Xuanyu,” Mo Xuanyu admitted, and Lan Wangji’s eyes widened as if that meant something to him – except it couldn’t, of course, because Mo Xuanyu was sure he’d never met anyone even remotely like this Lan Wangji fellow in his life. “I don’t remember taking his body. I’m sorry. Can you not exorcise me? I don’t want to die.”

Lan Wangji was silent for a long moment.

He was still flying very fast, and Jiang Cheng was still following, shouting out curses and demands that he stop, not that Lan Wangji was listening.

“There will be no exorcism,” he finally said, and Mo Xuanyu exhaled in relief. “We will, however, fix this.”

“…we?”

“Wei Ying and myself.”

Mo Xuanyu nodded. That sounded more likely than anyone relying on his participation.

“Where are we going?” he asked. Jiang Cheng was falling further and further behind.

“Mo Village.”

Mo Xuanyu tensed up at once.

“You will not be left there,” Lan Wangji clarified, and – how did he know that Mo Xuanyu didn’t want to be left there? “But we must collect Wei Ying, who I suspect is currently in your body.”

“In my…I’m still alive?”

Lan Wangji was quiet again, and then said, “Yes. And you will remain so.”

That was reassuring, mostly.

“Okay,” Mo Xuanyu said, and found that he mostly felt relieved. He’d be very happy to have his normal body back again, if possible, especially if he didn’t have to stay in Mo Village…“Wait, if I don’t have to stay there, where will I go? I don’t have anywhere else to go, unless my father comes back for me. He's a sect leader –”

“He will not, and even if he did, you should not go with him. Once Wei Ying returns to his body, you will be able to stay at the Lotus Pier. If you do not wish to stay there, I will bring you back to the Cloud Recesses – that is my home – instead.”

“Oh,” Mo Xuanyu said, feeling bewildered. That was an awfully nice offer, even if Lan Wangji was feeling guilty about Wei Wuxian stealing his body by accident – which seemed like what had happened here rather than Mo Xuanyu being the one who did the stealing. Maybe he should go with Lan Wangji instead, he seemed much more responsible than Wei Wuxian was, rushing over to rescue him and explain things instead of throwing him into a body and leaving him all alone in a strange place. But on the other hand… “Is the Cloud Recesses…I mean…no offense, but…does it have…”

“Yes?”

“Does it have soft beds, too? And – and hot food?”

Mo Xuanyu didn’t need much, not really. He looked eagerly at Lan Wangji, who had an odd expression on his face briefly before wiping it back to neutral and nodding in confirmation.

“Okay,” Mo Xuanyu said, and curled up in Lan Wangji’s arms. “Then I’ll stay with you. You can take care of me.”

“I will,” Lan Wangji said, sounding strangely serious. “In return for the gift you last gave me – I will.”

[farlynthordens]

criticism of the writing of bisco & pawoo’s relationship and ways it could have been improved. CONTAINS MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS UP TO VOL 7

this is not “boo straight people 🤢” or anything like that because i legitimately believe it COULD be good, but it’s done so bad in canon that it makes it difficult to enjoy their relationship. especially the writing of pawoo’s character in particular

Pawoo’s age is never revealed

we never learn how old pawoo is and this irked me from the very beginning. all we know is that she’s older than milo. I got weirded out by pawoo coming on to bisco in volume 1 because.... my guy was only 17. if pawoo was older than like 20 (which I personally believe she was) it would make things really weird/creepy and I’d rather their relationship just have never happened in this case (or not happen til much later). BUT assuming the age gap isn’t weird...

Pawoo & Bisco’s marriage happens against his will

Bisco is blindfolded and led into a room under the assumption that something different is happening. he doesn’t know he’s getting married until the vows are already said. also, the wedding happened at pawoo’s request because it was essentially her “final wish” before she planned to die in battle.

it’s a SUPER contrived way to put them together, especially because bisco barely even likes pawoo as a person yet. it only works out because bisco starts liking her a couple years later.

the marriage was half for comedic effect and half a bizarre plot to trick apollo.... but then they just decided to keep being married? tho honestly, this scene could have added a lot more comedy for later on if at the end of vol 3 when pawoo doesn’t die, she doubled back on her request like “oh... well. haha, sorry for making you do all that for me, let’s get divorced/pretend that never happened.” i think that would VASTLY improve the situation and be way funnier. ESPECIALLY when bisco starts liking her romantically, there could have been some jokes about re-falling for your ex or something. this would also have solved the issues stemming from...

Bisco stays married to her out of an arbitrary sense of duty

there’s nothing wrong with loving your wife. the problem is bisco DOESN’T love his wife for first like 2 or 3 years they’re together. he never considers leaving her, because the logic presented is that he’s now her legal husband, so he has a moral obligation to be nice and protect her forever because that’s his duty whether he signed up for it or not. this isn’t completely out of line with bisco’s character, but the author keeps bringing this up over and over unnecessarily and, once again, it feels very contrived. it’s like bisco is forcing himself to like her.

despite his supposed moral obligations, bisco and pawoo barely interact for the majority of vol 4 thru 6 (over a year!!!). the one time pawoo tags along on a trip (beginning of vol 4), bisco treats her like a nuisance for most of it. in vol 7 we learn that bisco has purposely tried to keep her at a distance in order to not interfere with her life/put her in needless danger, but that just feels like another reason they shouldn’t have been together yet?

Them being married adds nothing story-wise for multiple volumes

considering that pawoo is irrelevant to the plot of 4+5 and is brainwashed for all of 6, them being married adds nothing to the story there. had they NOT been married, it would’ve made the ending of 6 much more impactful when pawoo says she loves him and bisco admits he likes her too - they could’ve had a true reconciliation of their relationship and try to start rebuilding up to what they had accidentally forced themselves into in vol 3, rather than it feeling like “oh fucking finally, they like each other so now their marriage isn’t weird.”

i don’t think that removing the marriage would completely remove their ability to care about each other. if nothing else, pawoo is milo’s precious older sister and bisco is milo’s beloved partner. pawoo keeps imihama safe and bisco is trying to save the country from rust. plus they’ve fought together and helped each other out a lot in the past. they still have many reasons to want to jump in when the other is in danger.

Pawoo’s “character development”

put in quotes because she doesn’t get a lot beyond what we see of her in volume 1. pawoo is talked about A LOT in vol 7, but almost solely thru the perspective of what bisco is thinking about her - how he’s assumed what’s good for her life, etc - we’re not actually seeing pawoo herself.

her whole thing is that she’s ridiculously strong and hardheaded, but then she falls for bisco. in addition to the (potential) age gap problem, pawoo is also a bit... creepy? in how she approaches him sometimes. like she kisses him against his will (a problem with multiple other female characters as well), when bisco is turned into a literal child (vol 5) she comments that she’ll love him regardless of age.......??

the only development pawoo gets is THROUGH her relationship with him - discussed in some more detail in a previous post here. TLDR, we learn that pawoo does have a soft/caring side and she wants to become a good wife. there’s very little to learn about her outside of that. there are villains and minor characters who have far more depth or canonically noted personality traits than she does.

I honestly would love if more time was spent on pawoo as an individual. we get less backstory for the nekoyanagis than pretty much anyone else, but at least milo has a lot of personality and a huge character arc over the entire series. i really want to know about her and milo’s childhood especially - what was it like for her to lose her parents at a young age and have to take care of an infant brother? is that why she was so overprotective of him, because she knows what the loss of immediate family feels like? how/why did she come to be the leader of the imihama watch? did she have to make sacrifices to send milo to school and give him a better life than what she could afford for herself? what sort of things does she like to do? it’s hinted that she likes fashion and makeup, so is that something she’d pursue more if she had the time? how does she feel now that she’s separated from milo most of the time? does she trust in him a lot more than she used to?

pawoo COULD have so much to her if questions like the above were ever addressed, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i don’t even really mind that pawoo was absent from the main adventures in vols 2/4/5 since i’m not sure what she could’ve added. but it would’ve been cool to see more of her doing her own thing, especially if we saw more of her fighting, or moments building out her relationships with tirol and jabi, since they’re together in imihama a lot but we barely see their interactions. it’s not like the series is alien to the concept of throwing in chapters that interrupt the main plot progression.

HOW TO FIX THIS

I listed some of my ideas above, but to summarize things:

Vol 1: bisco/milo are made older, or pawoo is given an age that wouldn’t make things creepy

Pawoo doesn’t forcefully kiss bisco in front of milo’s damn face when she already knows he likes him. but there’s some signs that she’s into bisco too

More hints are given when she’s present in vol 2-beginning of 3

Vol 2: probably a good place to put the nekoyanagis backstory? since in this vol pawoo is still pretty protective of milo, so that could lead to a conversation where bisco asks him why she’s like that and then we get ~sad lore dump~. it would also help bisco come to respect/understand her more as a person.

Vol 3: bisco and pawoo get married to fulfill pawoo’s final wish. after the battle, when everyone is alive and well, she decides to annul the marriage and pretend it didn’t happen. she was supposed to take this fantasy to her grave, but now it’s a huge awkward point she has to remember every time she looks at her crush

Post-divorce, there’s plenty of jokes from milo or others about “getting back with your ex” etc anytime bisco and pawoo have a civil moment or one of them talks positively about the other.

Vol 4-5: character building moments where we see what pawoo and tirol are up to in imihama

Vol 5: remove the “i’ll love you regardless of age” comment please that’s literally it

Vol 6: the whole thing with pawoo being brainwashed, but still being able to break through the brainwashing due to her love for bisco, could stay exactly the same and still work. it would show how her feelings for him never went away and have really only intensified. when bisco saves her and they admit they like/love each other, they’re able to reevaluate their relationship. maybe they can try being a couple for real...?

Vol 7: we get to learn pawoo’s feelings of isolation FROM HER DIRECTLY and not through bisco’s interpretation of her thoughts. i want her to show that she is craving adventure and desperate to leave imihama.

it might even be good if at the beginning, pawoo and bisco have an argument that mirrors youkan/geppei where she gets angry at him for assuming what she wants.

End of vol 7: the trio runs away to live their best lives. both pawoo AND milo get married (unofficially because they all pissed off the government) to bisco? 😳😳

[marwankenzarisgaylittleearring]

“I’d like to end up as a tree”

Marwan kenzari (31) won a gold calf last year for his role in the movie Wolf. As of next week he is to be seen in Bloedlink (/reckless), opening’s act of the Dutch film festival. “It’s not my place to say I’m good.”

Bloedlink

“Acting offers the chance to become well acquainted with the complexities of being human. The Moroccan kick-boxer Majid in the movie Wolf had a fascinating interior life. His character was even easier to understand when he said nothing at all - I don’t think I’ve ever had as little lines in a movie. Rico in Bloedlink is completely different. He accidentally finds himself swept up in criminal business, but he’s actually just someone who’s had a whole slew of bad luck. In the movie his character undergoes a few very surprising U-turns. In my portrayal of him, I interpret all those different sides as honest, I find that interesting. In the movie, Rico does some paradoxical things, but he means all of them. Of course that’s simply not possible. That’s what makes him fascinating and tragic.”

Journey

“If I’m a good actor? That’s not my place to say. Sometimes you do the most interesting things you think are worthless in the moment. A movie is a collaborative journey, which, in the case of Wolf, I underwent with director Jim Taihuttu among others. Although I secretly did think during shooting: this will be fun. Wolf is an honest movie. The kick-boxing, the hits to the body, very little of that is pretend. Not that everything should be real in a movie, but this story required that. At a certain point I felt: this could be something really fresh in Dutch cinema. And it was.”

Peanut Butter

“Ever since that role, which I trained for quite extensively, I’ve found it increasingly important to stay in shape. It wasn’t a complete transformation; even beforehand I would exercise six times a week. But now I’m slightly addicted, yeah. It makes you mentally stronger, too. If I’ve been training on a Sunday at 7 am and then at 8 am I’m outside again, showered, refreshed and in shape while the rest of the city’s asleep, I’m 1-0 ahead. Scratch that: 10-0. I pay attention to my nutrition as well. Bread for example gives false energy. But I’m not always so strict. I get plenty of enjoyment from a good, white slice of bread with calvé peanut butter. And then fold it over, don’t cut it! You shouldn’t cut a sandwich, everyone knows that. Then you miss the first bite.”

Toneelgroep Amsterdam

“After the acting academy in Maastricht I was immediately invited to Toneelgroep Amsterdam. I was with them for three years, but found my attentions pulled towards film during that period. When the actors from TGA are - rightfully - expected to be fully available. We “broke up”, though that sounds too serious, with full, mutual agreement. I see the company as family and will be playing in Angels in America at the end of the month, in New York. Director Ivo van Hove has been very important for my development. I admire his knowing exactly what he wants, but also his ability to be unsure and searching, and to be able to be vulnerable about that. But I have to be fair to myself. I’m 31 now, and these are my most important years in film. While I hope to be an even better stage-actor when I’m fifty. I’m slightly further ahead in film than on stage. That development is tougher, needs more time and possibly total dedication. Stage is the motor in the actor’s car; film is a different muscle. But if Ivo calls me in two, or ten or forty years, he’ll be the first stage director I’ll say yes to.”

Pierre Bokma

“As the son of Tunisian parents in the Hague painters-quarter I didn’t come into automatic contact with theatre. As a kid I was mostly interested in football, the emotion you see on a player’s face when he scores - fantastic. At a certain point I realised that movies can affect you the same way, even though you know it’s fake. That’s the magic of acting. Through contacts I ended up with De Nieuwe Amsterdam, an in-between theatre course for teens for whom the leap to theatre school was perhaps a bit too big. I learned everything there: playwrights, Dutch actors, repertoire. You’re also taught which acting schools exist. And I thought: where did Pierre Bokma go to school? And Fedja van Huêt? That was Maastricht. It also appealed to me that they implemented Bijltjesdag: you might still be sent away halfway through the first year. I decided: if I’m going for this uncertain profession, maybe the best trial by fire will be going to a school where you aren’t sure if you’ll be allowed to stay. I was allowed, in the end. At the theatre academy I came into contact with art, philosophy, poetry. All of that was new. But it didn’t feel as if I was behind, I only saw it as a fantastic source of riches; as if I could try on all sorts of new glasses.”

Huntersfamily

“I never thought that this path wasn’t laid out for me, I just always let myself be lead by my passion and my dreams. My parents are happy for me; I have a good connection with both. My father is an amazing person - an accumulation of beautiful ingredients. He’s honest with himself, doesn’t spare himself and laughs a lot, that’s important to me. He might be made out of simple components, he’s from a huntersfamily, but for me these are the components that build a strong character. My dad can tell beautiful stories, about his life in Tunisia, about his old friends who aren’t with us anymore. Every year death takes someone new, and in that way a beautiful group of people slowly disappears, the protagonists of a generation. One lives close to the elements there, I find that fascinating. It’s so different to our life here. I’ll also never interrupt my dad when he starts on a story like that. Even if I’ve heard it before.”

Vampire

“I’ve always said: I want to play a woman, a vampire, a Moroccan kick-boxer. I’ve succeeded in doing the last one. A vampire is a wonderful character. The beauty of their faces, the sensuality, the tragedy of never going outside during the day, and of course their never ageing; never dying, in fact. I’d like to never die. When I was a kid, I suffered a lot of nightmares. About falling and never landing. I had a hard time in the dream world, I wasn’t a big fan of night. It was, I think, a sort of inexplicable fear of dying. At a certain moment I grew familiar with those dreams, figured out how to influence them. I could for all intents and purposes check-out whenever it became scary. I became the director of my own dream world. When I was twelve, I fell in love, and then I was over it. I still have nightmares, like everyone else, but now I find them fascinating instead of threatening. Beautiful how your mind can make a story out of all sorts of ingredients. Sometimes I call my mother to talk about what a dream might mean. For example, I recently dreamt about my grandmother. ‘She thinks about you and loves you,’ my mother says.”

Tree

“I still know fear and uncertainty, but they don’t hinder me anymore. They’re two trusted companions now, who walk with me. They keep me sharp and hungry, and in a good way, they keep me on my toes. As long as they don’t hold me back, they can be here. Fear of dying is now simply fear of no longer living. If a way to live until you’re 377 is discovered tomorrow, I’ll be the first to sign up. I’d like to end up as a tree. Then you only need to have a care for wind, rain and sun.”