#so guess who has to wait for another one now. bullshit honestly

[skxrbrand]

ANGRY.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

🍂🍁🎃

❤️ just some tooth rotting fluff involving Eddie and his not so secret admirer

🎃💌

Eddie was in hell. Who's idea was it to do this stupid shit again?

A banner hung from outside the school that proclaimed today was Boo Day 👻🎃 a day dedicated to your boo (partner) or someone you admired.

Who had came up with this monstrosity you ask? Why that was Miss O'Donnell. She had the idea to have the day before Halloween dedicated to love. Where she had even had an idea like that was anyone's guess but Eddie was pretty certain that the old bat had lost her mind.

Or teaching Eddie for three years had finally driven her crazy.

Everywhere he looked people were cooing over mystery cards that they had gotten from a secret admirer.

This was another thing he hated about this whole day, he had to suffer through Valentine's Day, now he has to go through this shit as well? Who the hell would send him a card like that?

He'd be slightly jealous if he didn't think this was load of bullshit.

He dodges excited students dressed up as ghosts and pumpkins, students who Miss O'Donnell had cajoled into delivering cards and gifts to people who had participated in the card and gift exchange.

Finally there is a hint of escape when he barges into the drama room and breathes a sigh of relief. Jesus h Christ that was a nightmare.

It takes Eddie a second to realise that he's not alone. His heart skips a beat when he realises you're with him.

🎃💌

You're settled on one of the desks with a serene smile on your face that disappears the moment you hear the door open.

Once you see it's just Eddie and no loved up couples looking for a place to make out, you feel yourself relaxing once more.

"Hey Eddie" the haggard look on his face morphs into a genuine smile, all cute dimples and big brown eyes lighting up.

He was so cute and you had the biggest crush on him and you had planned to tell him, today in fact but his loud proclamation that this day was all a bunch of bullshit made you chicken out of handing him the card you made.

You doubted he felt the same anyway, he probably had a crush on one of the cheerleaders or someone like that.

Even if he said he didn't conform to societal standards you still caught him checking out the cheerleaders once or twice. You weren't a cheerleader or popular or anything like that, you just did what you liked and right now that was occasionally joining in on a Hellfire campaign or drawing or writing, honestly anything creative was your thing.

"So do you not have a secret admirer you made a card for?" Eddie teases and you clam up, avoiding his eyes.

"Maybe it's not like he feels the same though" you murmur and notice that Eddie isn't smiling anymore, in fact he looks kinda pissed and a little sad.

"Right, so I guess it's some popular douchebag or something?" He mutters and you try to figure out why his mood has suddenly changed so dramatically.

Was he jealous of who you liked? Didn't he realise that it was him you were smitten by. Shit what if he didn't... Feeling brave you decide to tell him how you feel and hope that he feels the same way or at least things aren't awkward between you after it all.

"It's you. I made a card for you Eddie" shit you wish the ground would swallow you up. The waiting to know how he felt was horrendous, if he laughed in your face you're sure that you'd high tail it out of here.

Instead of laughing he's gawking at you and you're ready to leave and hope to forget this all but something in his expression stops you.

"Maybe I should thank Miss O'Donell after all then" he's grinning widely and looks thrilled. "Can I see the card sweetheart?" flustered you nod and hand him the card.

It has a hand drawn picture of a pumpkin patch and you wrote inside if you were a pumpkin I would pick you 🎃❤️

Cheesy yes but you thought it was cute. Now however you're second guessing that decision and mortification fills you. Shit. This was a bad idea.

The anxiety leaves you when Eddie looks up at you smiling, he hides his face with his hair and it's so adorable.

"Aww shucks sweetheart, that's so cute. Just so you know I feel the same about you, I like you a lot princess and I'm thinking that maybe I could take you on a date"

Beaming you kiss his cheek and nod. "Where were you thinking?" he holds up your card and points to the pumpkin.

"I'm thinking of visiting the Pumpkin patch in town" he suggests and the idea is so perfect that you can't help but giggling.

"Sounds perfect"

🎃❤️

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Wait what was that that Beforus Eridan being Kankri’s culler? What? How? Does that mean that candy red includes aquatic mutations?

Okay, so, this is PURE speculative headcanon and I debated over whether or not I should even say it, but it's pretty fucking hilarious so I figured I'd mention it with the heavy caveat that I made it all up & not to take it seriously, it's just a headcanon I believe because it's a really funny idea to me, and i do not at all consider this "canon" the way some of my other theories are. i hope you also find it funny

So the big difference between Feferi and Meenah's troll society is what "culling" entails; where on Alternia, culling means killing off the weak, orphaned, disabled, and/or lower classes, on Beforus, it means taking care of them. So the characters on Alternia that would've been slated for culling would, on Beforus, actually have lived very cushy lives where a highblood provides for them. It's still another way of enforcing the class divide, so it's still shitty, but I guess it's better than people being killed all the time.

Karkat is one of the most cullable trolls on Alternia for being a mutant not on the hemospectrum, and the only reason he has a symbol and lusus at all is because the Signless's followers prepared them for him. This is why Kankri doesn't seem to have a symbol or lusus, because a situation similar to the Signless never happened on Beforus, and instead, Kankri (and presumably Karkat as well) would've been culled, AKA taken care of by a highblood.

Another part of Kankri's characterization is that he fucking loves sea dwellers - he's actually pretty polite to Meenah, even trying to ingratiate himself to her via nautical references, and desperately, desperately wants to be pale with Cronus. This leads me to infer that Kankri was specifically culled by a sea dweller, and the law of conservation of detail (not a real thing, it's a trope name) leads me to further infer that Kankri was culled by one of our KNOWN sea dwellers, either Feferi or Eridan. And since Feferi was busy managing Meenah, it seems like the task would've fallen onto Eridan.

Now, I have a whole set of headcanons for what Beforus!Eridan was like, but as I tend not to speculate too much on AUs divested too far from canon, I'm only going to note the pertinent details:

Beforus!Eridan was very well-regarded by the population and had the same kind of standing as a major celebrity,

Many hundreds of sweeps ago, Karlkat Marx Karkat Vantas used to be Eridan's freeloader. Their relationship was extremely difficult to classify, and nobody really understood it (many assumed Eridan was culling him, but Eridan vehemently denied this, insisting Karkat just lived on his sofa rent-free and all expenses paid, like this was a normal thing for them to be doing),

Karkat was generally an absolute disaster in the romance department, having a long string of relationships up and down the hemocaste with his trademark Blurry Quadrant Bullshit, always sadly slinking back to Eridan's sofa at the end of his wild, vascillatory flings,

Karkat would write a massive scathing critique of Beforan society, its consumer capitalism, its casteism and classism, its power structure, etc. etc., which Eridan distributed posthumously, because unfortunately Karkat had the lifespan of a lime & passed away long before Eridan was even at the halfway point of his own lifespan,

Eridan was never the same, and while his public persona remained widely beloved, he became an interpersonal disaster in his private life, and Feferi handed him Kankri as a wiggler to cull in the hopes that it would get him out of his funk,

This Did Not Work At All and in fact fucked up a perfectly good wiggler

I mean, honestly, I don't think there exists such a thing as a "bad class," but I do think Princes should not be raising kids.

So Eridan, who, even in the best case scenario, has disastrous social skills and a fucked up sponge, had literally 0 idea what to do with this kid, and pretty much just threw money at it. It was pretty inevitable for Kankri to remind Eridan of Karkat, so most of what few conversations they'd actually have revolved around Karkat, especially Karkat's extremely fucked up romantic affairs, the recounting of which slowly shrivelled the Seer of Blood up like a raisin and made him decide that romance was really, truly not worth it.

At the same time, Kankri craved an emotional bond with his fucked-up adoptive dad, and the spark would sometimes come into Eridan's eyes whenever Kankri started talking about hemocaste equality. The guy who used to live on his couch would say things like that...

But this would also mean that Eridan was alive at the same time as his descendent, Cronus, so I'm pleased to inform you all that he managed to neglect TWO children, both his biokid and his adopted one. Hooray! As Eridan was universally beloved, Cronus always had a lot to live up to, and very little opportunity to be his own person, divorced of his status as a sea dweller or his ancestor's shadow. Hooray!

But the way it comes full circle is this: Canon!Eridan actually outright admits that his typing quirk is fake, calling it "weird" and dropping it when he's trying to be emotionally sincere. Thus, to me, it stands to reason that it's something he would stop using after he has his character development, and he stops caring about how a "sea dweller" is "supposed to" act. We see it happen with the other trolls, losing/changing their quirks to reflect big life events - Aradia dropping her 0s because she's not doomed anymore, Sollux losing his 2's when he loses his li2p. I've been struggling for a while with what Eridan would replace his quirk with after he drops his ww/vvs because it'd be kind of lame if he just had, like, basically nothing.

Also, I lowkey don't really vibe with Karkat ever using the sym69ls in text - he already resented his ancestor, and he'd especially hate the idea of using them after meeting Kankri. Hell, he's pretty reluctant to even type in his blood color even after everybody knows what it is. But then I realized - Eridan is already the guy on the team who dresses up in the colors of his dating partners. What if he replaced his ww/vv quirk with the sym69ls to show his support for Karkat?

Like yeah Karkat would hate it but it would also be literally so funny, and I think Karkat would be secretly comforted by the way Eridan would stubbornly insist that he's doing it FOR KARKAT, and not for the Signless or whatever, he's literally called Signless, that was like his whole thing idiot, this is Kar's symbol, shut the fuck up.

And also, genuinely, one of the things I'm most sad about missing out on was a conversation between Kankri and post-character-development!Eridan, because... can you fucking imagine? Here's Kankri, who actually loves sea dwellers and the caste system, who wants to be pale with Cronus so so so badly, yet is celibate by choice because he's a slut shamer (and in this headcanon, because he heard too many terrible stories about his ancestor's hellish dating life), who uses "social justice" as a cudgel and couches outright contempt for his friends in "polite" mealymouth language about equality...

... And then Eridan "these are my emotional support slurs" Ampora rocks up to the chat.

Even without the culler stuff, it'd be fucking hilarious, right? Eridan's insane and makes a lot of wild assumptions, but he's usually kind of right (he assumes Kanaya doesn't want to c3< him and Vriska because she's in <3 with Vriska, and he's at least right about the latter; he assumes Rose is highborn nobility, and, like, she IS a rich girl). Despite posturing about supporting the caste system, he doesn't actually give a shit about it, and arguing with him is basically a huge waste of time because he doesn't listen to people.

What I'm saying is, Kankri would be like "excellent, another sea dweller to befriend" + "finally, emotional validation from my distant father" & Eridan would immediately call Kankri a slur, ignore his arguments and rebut with something crazy like how "royal-v" is actually a more offensive term than "wader" because the former assumes sea dwellers have such delicate feelings that they can't stand not to have their globes kissed every five seconds, call Kankri a wader, ask Kankri why Kankri is hitting on him (Kankri isn't), proclaim that he and Karkat make out despite being moirails, and then start insisting that Kankri has to stop using his quirk because it's a quirk for Karkat and Karkat doesn't even like Kankri so Kankri doesn't get to use it anymore.

I think Kankri would start crying. Especially because a crowd has gathered and Kankri accidentally calls Eridan "dad" and Eridan is like i Don't know what that is.

Anyway the point that im making is the sym69ls were originally Beforus!Eridan's quirk because that was how he and Karkat used to curl up on the sofa together. 69. All cozy like. And that's where Kankri got them from and he decided to match his whistles to the motif. And after bullying Kankri into not using them anymore and taking them on himself, they go back to being Eridan's quirk. In a beautiful and stupid time loop of karma, the likes of which Homestuck is so fond of. Amen

[l0starl]

𝐁𝐲 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 iii

-𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙨 𝙄’𝙢 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙧𝙮𝙣𝙖 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚

‼️𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 3 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲‼️

this the last part anyways 😋

PART 1 , and part 2 is linked in part 1

this took so long because I ran out of ideas IM SORRY-

I used Spanishdict so correct me if some stuff are wrong

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 to lovers?????

sᴏɴɢ: ʙʏ ᴍʏ sɪᴅᴇ (ғᴇᴀᴛ. ᴋᴀᴀsʜ ᴘᴀɪɢᴇ)

ʏᴇs ɪɴ ᴛʜɪs sᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪs ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ 🌚

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: Cursing i guess 😶, mention of guns

The smoke filled the room as you saw the neon purple lights illuminating the room…

Prowler?

You feel your hands being untied from the chair, another prowler comes in, guessing the original one..

After the prowler unties you, he tosses you over his shoulder like a sack and proceeds to leave, you would argue, but you don’t have the energy for that right now..

“Why you always gotta drag someone in your shenanigans” you heard the original prowler speak

“I ain’t drag em, they’ll be fine” prowler responded as she carried you like a sack of potatoes.

You could barely speak so you stayed silent and watched them argue, it was honestly so irritating, their argument was stopped abruptly from another explosion was heard nearby inside the building.

“There they are! Get them!!” One of the men yelled as they started to fire their guns

Bullets echoed through the room, your ears start to ring.

“Damn it we gotta go!” The prowler shouts

Bullets flew through the room, they quickly made a run for it.

“STOP THEM” the man yelled as shots continued to fire.

They run down the hall, sprinting for the stairs, gunshots echo throughout the building.

After they outrun the guards they make it to the rooftop, it seems your at the old alchemax building, the roof looks a bit run down but overall it looks stable

“Where the hell are we goin-“ you spoke but the prowler cut you off.

”Cállate, “shut up” we’re taking you home” the prowler spoke

“Alright damn! Don’t gotta cut me off” you muttered

“no eres hábil” “you’re not slick” he snickered.

You scoffed in response, but something about the prowler’s voice seemed familiar, you couldn’t quite figure it out. But whatever it was, you’ll figure it out eventually.

Soon after they dropped you home, this is a night to remember since you literally got kidnapped….but at least your home now and safe!……..right?

The next day at school the news spread like wildfire, left and right kids were asking “How was it like” “Did ya get to see the prowler’s face” Honestly these questions were getting irritating.

You spent most of the day avoiding people, but one person always managed to find you..

Miles

“Heard the prowler saved ya” Miles mocked

“Not now miles! I don’t need your bullshit” you retorted

“Don’t get so pissed off” he sneered

You scoffed completely ignoring him, though….

How did the prowler know where you were?

You went to class avoiding anyone who asked questions about it. It was pretty annoying but you just had to learn to deal with it for now.

You quickly sat down, not bothering to look in miles direction, but he always found a way to annoy you.

you were losing your mind, miles hasn’t stopped, neither had his determination. He seemed so eager to piss you off and all you do is stare coldly as you try to ignore him every time.

“How do I have all my classes with this guy” You grumbled to yourself in frustration as you stare at the clock, watching and waiting for class to end

Tick - Tok - Tick - Tock��..

each minute goes by slower and slower, you weren’t paying attention to class at all, that is until the teacher called on you…

“Pay attention!” The teacher scolded

You grumbled but cooperated at least, 30 minutes later class ended. You were walking to your next class, since miles literally has the same schedule as you, he took pride in annoying you as much as possible, sure you guys could make up, but why would you? All for a stupid sketchbook, maybe you’ll think about it.

“Geez miles you could always be nice enough to give me a break” you groaned as miles walked behind you

“Nah, you’ll be fine ma” he smirked

You rolled your eyes, as you walked into Spanish class right alongside miles.

“tú ambos eres tarde “you both are late” “ The teacher scolded, as she gestured you to both sit down.

You both took a seat, the room was awkwardly quiet, it’s not the first time it’s been like this. Ever since the start of the school year, it’s always been so quiet, what makes it worse is that the a/c barely works!!

“You good ma?” Miles glanced in your direction

“yeah I’m good, just hot in here” you groaned

He chuckled in response, for the rest of the class period you layed your head down on your desk as you slept for the remainder of the session. Thank god this was the last period for today, you were planning to just stay in bed, but then you remembered that moment with the prowler…

How does he know where you live?

Maybe it’s just a coincidence?

Does he know I saw?

What about yesterday, how did he know where I was?

did he know it was gonna happen?

Questions spiraled in your head constantly, it’s not like he would answer them himself, but one question stood out from the rest, something that jus might be right in our faces…

Why does he remind me someone?

After the bell rang you left the class immediately, not wanting to handle miles shenanigans, but he probably has a feeling what your silence has been about…

You ran to your bus stop just in time before the bus leaves, you sat near the window seat and sighed of relief, lately, the crime in the city has been skyrocketing, the sinister six cartel have been more active at night, and the prowler hasn’t been able to keep up much, but at least he still tries..

The city is becoming more dangerous every single day, more people are going missing, or found dead somewhere….

You look out the window examining your surroundings, some of the city hasn’t been affected by it, but good things don’t ever last that long….

The bus came to a stop, you walked the rest of the way home with thoughts swirling through your mind…

Later that night their was a knock at your window, which doesn’t make sense since your on the second floor? You look out your window and there he was

“Prowler?!?! What the hell are you doing-“ you spoke

he covered your mouth with a irritated look, as he came inside he spoke with a distorted voice, maybe from the mask?

“I need to speak to you about something important” he responded

Few hours earlier with miles

“MILES! You actually wanna tell them that?” Uncle Aaron spoke annoyed

“Yeah, it won’t be much of a problem, what’s the worse that can happen hm?” Miles responded

“Alright man, but if something happens it’s all on you, I won’t be able to help you at all” Uncle Aaron retorted in a serious tone

He nodded as he suited up and headed towards the building near your house…

Now the present

“Then tell me what you gotta say!” You responded impatiently

He chuckled as he removed his mask, his braids fall over his shoulders

“Hey ma, surprised to see me?” Miles had a smug grin on his face

You were taken aback by this sudden news, that’s why the prowlers voice sounded so familiar! You would have never guessed it was miles…

“So your the prowler huh? And why do you have the need to tell me?” She responded confused

“Yk, I just felt like it, plus I take great pride in annoying you, plus I get to drop by and annoy you even more” he snickered as he ruffled your hair.

You groaned smacking his hand away

“Is this about the sketchbook?! If it is can we put that behind us now?” You replied

“Hm, maybe, but only if you apologize” he responded

“For what?! You should’ve just done the project in the first pla-“ you retorted

“Apologize, we wouldn’t have a problem in the first place if ya didn’t snatch it” he responded amused but slightly annoyed

“Fine I apologize, can we finally put this behind us now?” You said with a irritated voice

“Yep, I guess you can say we’re friends now” He smirked

“No, just acquaintances“ you cut him off

“Friends it is” he says, completely ignoring your answer

You both ended up sharing mutual interests, you both grew to become best friends…..

Maybe even more…..

[rabbitsrams]

angel — jschlatt x reader

based on the song "angel" by pinkpantheress

buckle up, she's angsty.

wc: 554

y/n's diary: dec. 9, 2023 ♡ schlatt's gonna take me out tomorrow. i'm really excited. it's been a while since we've seen each other. with his job and mine, it's been kind of hell. sure we've been texting and occasionally calling, but it's not the same. i miss his touch, i miss how his hands grip my fingers when they're cold. i miss him having his arm around me when we're on the railroad. he's just… everything to me. and i wish under better circumstanses we can see each other more. because no one is as romantic as him, i want you to know. he's my angel. —————————————————————————————————— y/n's diary: dec. 10, 2023 ♡ he flaked. —————————————————————————————————— y/n's diary: dec. 11, 2023 ♡ he hasn't texted me since saturday night. he can't check his phone, so he can't tell me he's okay. that's what i'm telling myself. he somehow can't get to the phone and that's why he flaked. why he left me waiting for him in the freezing cold. —————————————————————————————————— y/n's diary: dec. 24, 2023 ♡ my baby just went away. he's gone. i'm blocked everywhere. i don't understand. so now i'll have to spend christmas crying in my room alone. —————————————————————————————————— y/n's diary: dec. 27, 2023 ♡ my angel, you're what haunts me now that you're away. —————————————————————————————————— y/n's diary: oct. 2, 2024 ♡ dang. it's been a hot minute since i've opened this book. everyone's telling me that life is hard but it's a piece of cake. i'm doing just fine. or, at least i was. i haven't thought about schlatt since i threw this book into my closet. i haven't gotten any answers from him since that day, but i made peace with it. it's okay. he's just another L. i'm never gonna allow myself to fall in love again. —————————————————————————————————— y/n's diary: mar. 19, 2025 ♡ since this is my jSHIT diary, guess i'll update. i saw him today. just casually shopping like everything was normal. he had an arm around another girl. a girl who strangely looked like me. like i was easily replaceable. i wanted to cause a scene. i wanted to march up to them and scream till my lungs gave out before slapping him in the face. i really wanted to do that. but i didn't. he did catch my eye when i was leaving and he was still inside. that's all the closure i needed. i waited till i was home to scream. then i started writing in here. i'm fine. life's a piece of fucking cake. —————————————————————————————————— y/n's diary: mar. 20, 2025 ♡ he showed up at my apartment today. i should have slammed the door in his face as soon as i saw him. but instead i let him into my home. angel recognized him. she started thumping as soon as she saw him. that little bunny knew from the beginning that it was a bad idea. he did end up explaining why he flaked and ghosted me. it was honestly quite bullshit in my opinion but eh. oh well. it's been more than a year. it's over and has been. he can take his life and that girl and shove it. life's a piece of cake, after all.

[littlerocks]

After watching 7x08, I shed I don't know how many tears for bobby's story, his past and I just want to hug him tightly and take away all the pain he has felt over the years. Comuqnue after seeing bobby's past, literally I think bobby and buck saved each other, bobby found in buck a son, buck found in bobby a father, and their bond that they have is wonderful. Anyway I don't talk too much about 7x08 because I'm waiting for the Italian subtitles to understand better ahahhaha

Anyway talking about the images 7x09:

I'm too happy for them that they received recognition for what they did, risking their lives to save bobby and athena but also all the other people, and a thank you to hen and his instincts that will always be taken into account from now on hahaha.

Obviously some people "complained" from what I read about the fact that tommy in the picture didn't have the medal, and so that implied that he wasn't part of the 118, like he wasn't important and whatever that kind of crap, honestly me to laugh because literally it was because of him, that bobby and athena and all the other people were saved, in the sense he could very well give up not flying them, because first there was a hurricane and it was dangerous, I guess; then you didn't even know if it was true, and then first of all I think he would have risked his job as well as the others rightly, so I think that even though physically he is not part of the 118 because he doesn't work there anymore, he nevertheless still helped them, also because because he used to work before there; I think he knows chim and hen and even bobby well and so he knows that if they say they help them do something that actually you didn't know if it was true, he knew though that they were right, it still makes it clear that all in all he is still part of the 118, so the fact that there are commeti saying that he doesn't deserve the medal, or that what he has done is not important, is bullshit, I understand not liking the character but to deny that he doesn't deserve recognition, on the work that he has done, seems to me to be going too far.

However, my opinion, for me buck in addition to being happy of course to have a recognition on the rescue he did together with his team (including tommy) for me in part he is also happy because he is also with tommy, in the sense he is happy that he is living this experience together with tommy, his fiancé, not as a mere spectator but literally as a member of the team that helped him rescue the people. Also in my opinion if he could, he would make like a poster saying "this beautiful guy standing next to me is my boyfriend," with the arrow ch pointing to tommy. I have no certainty but also no doubt that he would do that ahahah

Also less bad that Tommy smiled, because if he wouldn't have done so, everyone would complain about the fact " eh you see Tommy is a serious person who doesn't even smile, while buck does, so you see they don't fit in so they don't go well together", so thanks Tommy who smiled at least they can't attack you on this (just kidding hahaha) anyway everything aside, I'm now completely in love with Lou's smile, I have a crush on him, and also for the smile

However I expect a kiss between Tommy and Buck in the barracks eh (it would be wonderful) and then another date between them. Anyway, I saw that the actors from 911 Lone Star met the ones from 911, so can it be a new episode together? However, if that were the case, I want to see tk and buck talking together and then he says "you know, I got engaged to a guy" and tk says "my nose for understanding if he's a queer person is never wrong" AHAHHA, and then like, buck ago see the photos in tk of tommy and tk of carlos and their wedding, I would like it too much see

Image obviously with the two boyfriends and their biggest fan: Chim/Kenneth Choi, he will protect them from everyone AHAHAHAHHA

I don't know what to expect in 7x09, I just want Bobby to return to having serenity and I sincerely hope that that fire is like a dream that he has, imagining a fire in his house as if it were his fear of not being able to save his family again, having failed to save his father, his first family and even now his second family, as if this were his greatest fear. So I hope it's something he figures out himself and I hope Bobby eventually gets well again

To conclude, it has nothing to do with the above, I think this competition thing between "buddie, "buck and tommy endgame", "buck must be with eddie" or "tomy and buck don't have a bond while eddie and buck do", I don't understand about all this competition, what if we lived it and enjoyed it regardless of what happens? Obviously everyone has their own theories, ship, endgame okay it's fine, it's fine but honestly living these let's say competition on who buck is better with eddie or with tommy, just because some people hate that buck is with tommy makes me a little bored, or who hate Tommy regardless, I don't know it creates a tension in the fandom, yet we could just be happy and that's it?

However, I love Tommy's character, I haven't seen much of him, but that little bit was enough for me to love him

[mmcgemino]

How I almost went on stage with Gene Simmons (and also a heavy vent)

Today was the first day of Summer Breeze here in Brasil and Gene’s on the headline. I traveled 8 hours just to see him and Sebastian Bach play. I was so excited to see them and my mind was set on giving Gene a poster and a letter. I really wanted to give him a piece of my work and say how much KISS changed my life.

There was going to be a signing session at 3pm and when arrived there at 11am there was already a line. No problem for me, honestly, I could wait. But then somebody from the staff told us that the time changed for 7pm. I didn’t want the whole day of festival + Sebastian’s show, so I gave up on that.

Sebastian Bach’s show was amazing (I even got an autograph!). It was kinda short but I still had a lot of fun. Next would be Mr. Big (that I didn’t bother to watch) and then, finally, Gene’s band.

God, I was right in front of him. LITERALLY. This was my view the whole show:

I was SO close from the stage, already at the barrier (is that the right name in english?) It was actually funny, because the first thing he did when he finished the first song was to point at me and say with eyes wide opened: sua bunda é linda! That’s a silly thing he says every time he’s in Brasil. (There’s a video of him saying it on a tv show just for reference). I also had some silly interactions with him, like me motion grabbing his tits and him looking shocked. Honestly, if the show ended like that it would be just fine. I’ve never been this close to someone who’s so important to me, much less recognizing my presence and being silly with me. Hell, I didn’t even care about my letter anymore. It was a kick ass show.

But in the last song (that was obviously Rock n Roll All Night), he started calling a lot of girls on stage. There were some in front of me, between the tiny gap separating the stage from the fans. I guess they were sponsors, photographers or idk, more than VIP. But then he pointed at me and called me!!! What ??!????? It sounds just like a fanfic, unbelievable. And I swear on all my family that I ain’t lying. I crossed that barrier with the help of other people and ran backstage.

To have Gene pointing at YOU and calling YOU to be on stage with him is once in a lifetime. To be ON STAGE, my literal dream and goal in life. What I’ve been working for the past couple of years. To have the chance to give my letter to him and even sing by his side. With Gene fucking Simmons from KISS, my favorite band.

But when I got backstage, they told me that I couldn’t go. “There’s too many girls there.” I was the last one he picked and the only one who didn’t make it. I begged that guy, not from Gene’s production but from the event. I even cried. The securities around me were sorry but if I didn’t leave, their jobs would be on the line. I couldn’t even see the man leave the stage. I couldn’t even see the show end.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do from now on. There’s nothing to say, no consolation prize, nothing. “But there will be other shows, other opportunities”, that’s the kind of bullshit that I had to hear. No, there won’t be another Gene Simmons in Brasil calling me to be on stage. My life could have been changed forever.

I was never lucky, never won any raffles or had accomplished great achievements in life. In my letter, the first thing I wrote (as cheesy as it is) “If you’re reading this, everything is possible”. I also wrote how KISS literally changed my life when I went on their last tour here in Brasil, how they took me out of a really bad place and made me run after my dreams. It seems silly, part of me feels like an idiot to be that sad. But I just can’t get over this, can’t have any consolation on that. To be always “almost there” but never actually “there”.

Also, this is the poster I wanted to give him:

The quality is crap and I definitely could do better if I had more time. But I gave my all making it.

Sorry for the long post and the crappy sob story. This just happened like 2 hours ago and everything is still fresh. I decided to write this post because I wanted to share my frustration with people who understand that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

(Fun fact his pants were tearing up but nobody told him)

[damagedintellect]

Dazai Osamu x reader

💌 Reading into the palms of isekai bullshit:

Chapter 2  💌  

Summary: You were no stranger to isekai bullshit. It’s not like you had a problem with it. The genre took over the anime scene for years now but you try to stay away from thinking about how you would handle the situation. The last time you thought about inserting yourself into your favorite show you wrote a 100k word xReader fic for your favorite characters and you didn’t want to spend all your time consumed by the brainrot again. Never again, you promised yourself that was the last time you’d let the devil on your shoulder win. You clicked on chapter 1 to start the adventure over again but when you opened your eyes and saw Dazai O-FUCKING-samu getting choked by Kunikida you honestly hoped it was a dream.  

Notes: Another isekai so I can play around with BSD like dolls.  

💌 Word count: 2,111 💌 <= Previous Chapter | Next Chapter =>

The next morning you woke up alone. Not surprising but it did make you laugh a little. You were still here. You were in fact isekai'ed and you technically slept with Dazai. You got dressed keeping an eye on the door just in case. The clothes provided for you consisted of a white button up, pants and boots similar to Atsushi’s but instead of suspenders and a tie you had a lightweight sweater vest to complete your look. You thought it was cute as you looked in the mirror on your way out the door.

You made it in time to watch Atsushi help Dazai out of the oil drum. A quick stride downstairs and you joined them for Atsushi’s little job chat. You didn’t say much on the way through town, it wasn’t about you right now and if Dazai didn't want to talk about last night you weren't going to bring it up either. Dazai spoke primarily about the job he would help get you both. Sometimes he would glance back at you just to make sure you were still listening. He even winked at you when he was talking about how good of a fit the two of you would be. The man had no right to be this attractive. As Dazai finished talking himself up Kunikida stormed in to set the record straight. Atsushi looked at you “I’m starting to have second thoughts about accepting his help. Maybe I should just look for a job on my own.” 

“Eh, Dazai might seem like a moron but I’d trust him on this one. Think about it, you don’t exactly have the greatest credentials to get a job anyhow.” You shrugged, shoving your hands in your pockets. This would be interesting since there's not much you would be able to do. You guess you'd have to shoehorn yourself into the plot as much as possible.

“We have an emergency. A man has taken a hostage and threatened to blow up our office.”

Atsushi tried to protest but Dazai and Kunikida were not having it. You followed along without complaint of course as was your plan from the beginning. If you’re being honest you forgot half of what Junichiro’s speech was about until you heard it right now. Like who was he talking to if not you guys hiding behind the decorative shrubbery. The office workers and hostage had been there for a while. Why wait till right now to say those things. Atsushi was still trying to whimper his way out of helping and Dazai was trying to coax him otherwise. You only nodded along.

“Then there’s only one option.” Dazai said taking a stance with Kunikida following suit. The game of rock, paper, scissors was short and the face Atsushi was making was priceless. Kunikida stood up and approached the “mad bomber” as calmly as he could. “Hey, easy does it kid.”

“Stay away, I only want to see the president! Don’t you try anything funny or I’ll blow this place to bits.”

Kunikida put his hands up slowly and backed away “Okay.”

“I know who you are. You’re Kunikida. You want me to lower my guard so that you can use that annoying ability of yours to stop me. Well that sure ain't happening. Lay on that desk on your hands and knees, and keep both feet above your head- ” as he continued on, you shook with laughter, suppressing the sound at the strange but clearly not well thought order. You saw Dazai side eye you and you whispered “Sorry I know this is bad but the request he was making, how would Kunikida, just never mind. This means you can’t go out there either, Dazai.”

“It would only make him more angry. Oh my whatever shall we do now?”

You both looked at Atsushi “Absolutely not.”

“I haven’t even said anything yet.”

“I already know what you’re gonna ask.” 

You sighed “Atsushi we are the only option.” Dazai nodded “You’re not a formal member and the bomber doesn’t know either of you at all.”

Before Dazai could move you were already rummaging through the boxes to grab newspapers. “Listen, you just need to distract him long enough for me to back you up. We got this alright?” you looked at Dazai for confirmation.

You took the words out of Dazai’s mouth but he just shrugged continuing the thought. “Yeah. How bout you put on an act. Make it depressing like you think you’re a real worthless human being. I know you can do it right?”

You handed Atsushi the newspapers but he still looked worried. Dazai dropped the smile whispering “Trust me, scuffles on this scale are child's play compared to what we normally deal with. You can handle this Atsushi.” He was quaking in his boots as he started his speech. Dazai looked at you and raised an eyebrow. You gave a pointed look at Junichiro “Since Atsushi looks around the same age as the guy it’s better for him to be the one to reason with him. Worst case scenario I’ll just run and throw myself on the bomb. I already don’t have many memories anyways” you don’t look at Dazai’s face you half expected him to make a double suicide offer but you guess you know too much for him to play that card. Atsushi got right in Junichiro’s face making the perfect opening for Kunikida. While everyone was distracted with relief you started to untie Naomi, ushering her to the other side of the room. By the time Dazai started messing with Kunikida you had already walked behind the desk ready to move the bomb to the far corner.

“Now you’ll pay. I swear anyone with supernatural powers is not totally right in the head.” Tanizaki declared pressing the detonator.

Once the bomb started ticking you were already holding it walking towards the corner of the room. You turned curling around the bomb “Thanks for last night, it was great we should do it again sometime!” You smiled at Atsushi as he grabbed the bomb from your arms and pushed you away. Dazai caught you as you stumbled back. The bomb didn’t go off of course and you all stood around Atsushi. Dazai helped you to your feet asking if you were okay and you nodded, fixing your disheveled clothes. It was mostly that your vest got skewed when you got pulled away from the fake bomb.

“Geez you know I figured the kid was stupid but I didn’t expect them both to be suicidal.” Kunikida groaned while Dazai chimed “It seems I’m rubbing off on them. Wouldn’t you agree, Tanizaki?” The redhead peered around Kunikida’s side hesitantly “Sorry, are you okay?”

"Heee?"

You laughed at Atsushi’s confusion as it shifts to clear irritation. “I’m guessing that was the entrance exam?” you turned towards Dazai for confirmation as the president walked in.

“You’re exactly right.” Fukuzawa then explained the rest of the sentiment with Dazai’s plan to get you both into the agency. You leaned on the desk behind you waiting for Atsushi to come to terms with his decision. He was arguing with how violent the job is for him but you pointed out “Way too violent? I don’t think you can say that when you pried me off a bomb to protect everyone.”

He still needed more convincing but you stopped paying attention. Sitting in the closest chair you relaxed into the piece of furniture. Wasn’t your best but wasn’t your worst. Eventually you all went to the cafe downstairs. You got a hot chocolate not really being a fan of coffee and not feeling like tea. You were already tired but it was still only afternoon. You guys still had the whole day ahead of you. 

Junichiro was apologizing to you both but you told him not to sweat it. You made the claim that at some point you realized that he and Naomi were siblings. Naomi didn't even need to be prompted to start molesting her brother. As the siblings did their thing Kunikida came up to talk with you both about upholding the agency’s good name. Meanwhile Dazai was doing the exact opposite by flirting with the hostess. That’s when Atsushi asked what they did before working at the agency.

“Take a guess. It’s a game we play a lot here actually. Newcomer tries to guess his colleagues' former occupations. Think of it as part of training to be a private investigator.”

Atsushi looked at you before you added “I have an unfair advantage so I'll help if you get stumped.” You folded your hands behind your head giving him the lead. He hummed “I want to say Junichiro and Naomi were students?” 

“Whoa you got it. Nice one.”

“How did you figure that one out?”

The siblings looked surprised but they really shouldn’t be. It was so obvious given their age and the fact that one of them was literally in a uniform. Why else would they only be part timers “Not half bad Atsushi. What about Mr. Kunikida?” The aforementioned blonde spat out his coffee. “Nobody cares about what I used to be alright!”

Atsushi tried to focus again “Hmm, an official? Did he have a government job?”

“Almost.” Dazai gave you a nod to fill him in. “Mr. Kunikida used to be a math teacher, if you'd believe it.” 

“I could totally picture that actually.” Atsushi responded flatly. Kunikida was grumbling “It was another life. I don’t even want to think about it.”

“What about me then?” Dazai perked up in his chair.

“What did you do?”

“Yup my job.” Dazai smiled knowing he would have no way of guessing. Atsushi went on a rampage trying to guess it. You just sipped your coco waiting. Debating if it was a good idea to frazzle the brunette by letting him know but you wanted to see his face. Kunikida huffed, betting he didn't actually have an occupation before this.

“Not true, I would never lie about something like this. You've given up right?”

Junichiro’s phone went off, drawing everyone’s attention to the call. It was work, Higuchi to be exact. Dazai tried to wrap it up "Let’s save the guessing game-"

"But (Y/N) didn't get to guess." You laughed as Atsushi interjected immediately on your behalf. "I think I'll pass, it's no fun since I know what the answer is."

“Wait just like that! I thought you said you'd help me.” Atsushi frowned at you as everyone made their way up the stairs. "Yeah I said I'd help but I'm not going to hand you the answer. I'll give you a hint though, you don’t even know this occupation exists." You give him a soft smile sending a cheeky wink to Dazai. You could tell the brunette was a little tense unsure if you'd actually spill the beans. Trusting people was certainly a new endeavor for him. You gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as you passed him.

You didn't want to be gunned down by Higuchi or worse killed by Akutagawa so when Kunikida suggested you tag along you argued that if too many people went it'd draw unwanted attention. Besides that your "ability" would be useless so you might as well stick to your strengths and that was picking up the slack of a certain waste of bandages. While Dazai listened to the wire he placed on Higuchi, you filed a bunch of papers he'd been neglecting. Kunikida was impressed with how fast you picked up his system. It surprised you too but it was either office work or being gunned down. It wasn’t a difficult choice.

Taking a break you passed by Dazai humming his suicide song as Kunikida tried to take his headphones. You placed a hand on his shoulder "I'll handle this, don't worry about him." As the blonde turned to go back to his work Dazai looked up at you raising an eyebrow. "You should probably get going. Higuchi’s going to call Akutagawa any minute now and I doubt you want to carry three bodies back on your own." You crossed your arms casually leaning on the privacy divider.

"I didn't know your palm reading could see the future, what gave me away?"

You hummed stretching "I thought you flashed her palm to me on purpose? I also watched you slip something in her pocket but if that was unintentional it was sheer dumb luck." You shrugged your shoulders waiting for him to get up.

"Are you offering to give me a hand then?"

"I might be but only because I'm tired of filing your reports."

[gabriel-xander]

Don't Forget

[Sans x Female!Reader]

9: He's Scheming

♪⁠────✿⁠(⁠✧◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕✧⁠)✿⁠────♪

Napstablook has gotten the absolute pleasure of getting to know you for the better part of the passing week. Sure, the experience was slightly watered down because, as YOU had warned him, your period made you a little more emotional and dramatic than usual. He can’t even blame you for it either; what kind of fucked up shit is this that you have to bleed for a whole week??

You were always quick to sincerely apologize whenever you accidently raised your voice, or when you would get jealous over a monster having cute ears, or when you would outright sob when you ate that delicious burger he brought for you from MTT-Brand Burger Emporium.

You were a bigger cry baby than he was! Honestly, Napstablook was pretty impressed!

But as much fun you two were having together in the Ruins, he knew that it couldn’t magically fix one specific dilemma.

You needed to get out of these Ruins.

The catacombs are very small and the amount of monsters living here are smaller. They tend to keep to themselves as well, and aren’t the most receptive when it comes to you. Yes, they’re polite and don’t turn you away, but when you were subtly telling the owner of a few places that you’d basically work for free, they found every excuse to turn you down.

“Oh, I’d just feel bad for taking advantage of you and your time.”

“Then pay me the bare minimum.” You’d counter.

”I-I don’t think I have the funds to afford another employee, you see…”

“No… No, I get it. Thanks for hearing me out, though.” You’d force a smile, letting everyone know who was involved that YOU know it was complete, and utter bullshit.

You don’t actually want a job, you don’t want to work for free. You just want something to do. You need new stimuli and the Ruins cannot provide that for you.

”it’s just a shame…” Napstablook tells the smiley skeleton, “but she doesn’t have a lot of options…”

After seeing each other every day for the past week, Sans and Napstablook have built a small routine with each other.

If Sans manages to catch the ghost BEFORE entering the Ruins, then Sans will have a ghost-friendly snack to share as Napstablook tells him the plans you two have for the day. If Sans catches the ghost AFTER, then they’ll both share what their day was like (aka, Sans trying to know more about you while giving short answers when it was his turn to share).

Right now, Napstablook and Sans were munching on some hot cats, talking about your sad day yesterday. In a little bit, he’s going to have to wrap this up so he’s not late.

“hm, guess the monsters in the ruins are still a little close-minded about humans,” Sans gives an honest opinion, “if the human is actually as nice as you say, then it has nothin’ to do with her, and everything to do with her just being human.”

‘you keep saying that…’ Napstablook thinks to himself. ‘“If she is actually this or that”… why do you distrust humans so much…? especially this one…?’

“i feel so bad for her. i can tell she’s getting exhausted…”

“why can’t she just leave the ruins then?”

“it’s not safe…” Napstablook hesitates for a moment, “not just because she’s human, either… there’s a monster who almost killed her when she first fell down… according to miss toriel, anyway… that’s the real reason why miss toriel asked me to hang out with the human. so i can make sure she can safely leave the house and watch out for that monster…”

Sans freezes for a second.

Napstablook is obviously talking about Flowey. He wouldn’t put it past that invasive weed to try and immediately kill a human that isn’t Frisk at this point. But Frisk was also almost killed by Flowey, but not once in ANY time line was Toriel THIS worried about their safety. Other than asking Sans to make sure that Frisk doesn’t die (not that he ever bothered to do that either), Toriel never made this much of a fuss over a human.

What kind of fucked up shit did Flowey do to you?? And why are you cowering so much?

…

Wait.

This gives Sans a great idea.

“hey, blook,” Sans’ grin widens noticeably, “i think i got a good idea to help out your friend. but uh… we might gotta be a little sneaky about it to work.”

Napstablook gives the other a (rightfully) hesitant look. “what do you have in mind…?”

⁠────

Napstablook gives you a small smile, waving goodbye in spirit (hah) as you go into the house. It was another good day, albeit a little shorter than usual since he has something else he has to do. You were a little dejected about it, but you didn’t put up a fight.

At first, Sans’ plan seemed out of nowhere and sketchy. Not that he’d ever have the courage to say that to the skeleton’s face of course. Sans never showed much trust or faith for you, so his plan to “help you out” doesn’t sit very well with Napstablook. No, he doesn’t think Sans is going to do anything erratical, but…

After spending this day with you, Napstablook decided that he can’t allow you to go down this path. Sans’ plan is sketchy, but it’s also your best shot at finally leaving the Ruins.

It does not take long to find Toriel. Again, the Ruins are small, and there are only so many places one can be. He managed to find her leaving the Spider Bake sale with a few spider donuts, and a jar of spider cider.

Uh oh. You two had already bought some before getting you back home since you were complaining this morning that you wanted to help their cause. It seemed that Toriel had heard you and wanted to treat you to a surprise.

Toriel blinks at the ghost’s appearance, “Oh, Napstablook. Is [Y/n] safe at home?”

“yes, miss toriel…”

“I already told you just—Never mind,” She shakes her head with a smile, “Was there something you needed?”

“ah, yeah… i wanted to talk to you about [y/n]… you must’ve noticed it, right…?”

Her expression falters, and her smile becomes crestfallen, “Yes, I… I cannot deny the truth that is right in front of me. [Y/n] insists constantly that she is content with staying in the Ruins, especially because we have yet to find that flower monster. But I know this is no place for someone like her to spend her time.”

“i really enjoy her company, and i don’t mind coming here to see her… i don’t go out a lot, but even i still have a lot of places i can to go to make up for it…”

Napstablook avoids eye contact as he continues, “i know it’s scary-for you and [y/n]-but… it’s something to think about…  she can’t stay here forever…”

Toriel looks down, “Yes. Yes, you are correct. I will give it more thought. Thank you, Napstablook. It’s comforting to know that [Y/n] already has another friend who cares for her dearly.”

“she’s a good friend… i’d hate to see her get worse…” Napstablook starts to back up, “i-i need to go now, but… give it some thought… for her….”

”I will. Thank you, Napstablook. I will be seeing you tomorrow, correct?”

“yes, miss toriel… see you tomorrow…”

“Goodbye, Napstablook.”

Napstablook floats away, leaving the goat monster to her thoughts. She sighs through her nose, walking back to her home… Her home with you…

Toriel doesn’t want you to leave. You are quickly becoming one of her best friends already, and she adores you. You two have bonded so closely, and shared each other’s souls. In her long, long life, the only ones she had allowed to see her soul (outside of battler) were Asgore and Asriel. And you—You didn’t hesitate for a second to share your soul in return. Your beautiful, fragile, human soul that, after a brief look, had NO defense at all.

You trusted her-you trust her so adherently. She doesn’t know if she can bear to lose you if something happened to you. She doesn’t want to leave the Ruins, but she doesn’t want you to go off on your own. Perhaps it’s overbearing, but it’s better to be safe and sorry.

Maybe…

Maybe it’s time to finally tell him.

⁠────

Step one of the plan has been done. Once Napstablook told Sans exactly how the exchange went, the skeleton looked proud. He can tell that the ghost does not fully trust him, but Sans has no qualms about it. After all, the only time Sans has ever gone out of his way to speak to Napstablook is about the human. The skeleton knows he did a shit job at trying to conceal that he doesn’t trust you.

It’s actually reassuring in a way to know that Napstablook doesn’t trust blindly, even if they’re “on the same team.”

After sharing briefly about each other’s day, Napstablook headed home to work on some remix of a song you played on the piano about a week ago. Conveniently, this is the day he usually speaks to Toriel, so he opted to stay back, sitting against the door for a short nap.

Sans only gets to nap for fifteen minutes when a familiar knocking pattern on the Ruin doors rouses him from his sleep. It takes him a moment to reorientate himself, but in a few seconds, he’s knocking back.

”Hello, old friend,” Toriel greets rather… seldomly.

Sans feigns confusion, “hey, you okay?”

”Yes, I am fine. There’s just–something weighing on my mind, I suppose.”

”well, you know you are always more than welcome to tell me what’s bothering you,” Sans hums, “only if you wanna share, no pressure.”

There’s a silence between them for a moment. Sans doesn’t rush her; he pulls out his blue comb to brush his beautiful, lucious skull. Actually, he just has the comb to scratch his head since his gloves don't let him do it right. After a few minutes, she finally opens up.

“I have a confession to make, but…. Please, hear me out first.”

”yeah, of course.”

“For the past month, I’ve been housing a human. An adult human woman.”

Wait, you’re an adult?? Napstablook had him believing this whole time that you were just some kid. He probably kept away that information on purpose. The skeleton barely hid his dislike for you, it would've been ten-fold if he knew you were much older.

Huh.

Good on Napstablook.

“Her name is [Y/n], and she has been nothing but a sweetheart and a delight. She’s so funny, and she’s incredibly smart. Ah-ha ha! I sometimes have trouble keeping up with some of the things she’ll share with me. Her humor is all over the place, I think you’d enjoy her jokes, too.”

You have Toriel wrapped around your finger too, huh? Napstablook wasn’t enough for you? No…No, Sans is just being unfair now. You are not Frisk. You might not even know what the hell is going on and you’re staying with Toriel because of that promise of protection from Flowey. He wishes that was enough to reassure him, but he’s just… he can’t be too careful.

“sounds like you really care for this human,” Sans hesitates for a second, but he needs to ask. For his own sake. “she isn’t… you’re sure she’s good?”

“Hm,” Toriel huffs out a small laugh, “Just the other day, she willingly showed me her soul, even after I thoroughly explained what it means here in the Underground to do something like that.”

“she what?”

You—Are you stupid or just overly trusting?! Sans barely lets Papyrus see his damn soul and his brother is one of the few people that Sans will never feel any different for even after so many Resets. Papyrus has shown his soul many times, but never pressed Sans into doing the same because he understands.

For you, someone who is supposedly SO intelligent, to trust a boss monster so willingly even when Toriel had explained it to you…

Crap, but that totally means you’re familiar with the sensation of someone looking at your soul now. Sans won’t be able to look at your stats without you knowing. He normally wouldn’t give a shit if that were the case, but it’s going to be more awkward when you know what it means to share your soul with someone.

“[Y/n] is very precious to me, so… so when the first day she arrived, there was a monster who nearly killed her… it had put me on edge in a way that I’ve never felt before.”

She must be talking about Flowey. Sans still doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal this time when Frisk was almost killed by Flowey too.

“really? do you remember what the monster looked like?” Still, Sans has to ask to keep up appearances.

“It was a flower, I believe. It’s strange, I’ve never seen any other monster like it.”

Yeahhh, crazy…

“is this why you’ve been keeping her in the ruins and not telling anyone about it?”

“Yes, precisely. We’ve come to the agreement that she wouldn’t leave our home alone since we were worried that if she was alone, the flower would come back to kill her.”

Right, Sans knows this (now) thanks to Napstablook.

”But lately, I’ve noticed a change in her behavior. She’s been more reclusive, and she isn’t as energetic as she used to be. [Y/n] would also tell me that when she tries to get hired just so she can have something to do, she’s turned away because she’s human.”

Yikes. Sans might not like you very much (nothing personal, he just doesn’t like humans), but even he thinks that’s pretty fucked. From the sounds of it, you really are just trying to live peacefully with the situation you’re given. Staying with Toriel. Trying (and failing) to get a job. Literally doing what you can to survive a psychopathic flower.

…Maybe Sans’ mental image of you is a little harsher than what the truth actually is.

“[Y/n]’s only other friend suggested this, and I’m reluctant to agree with him, but this isn’t just about me. I want [Y/n] to be happy, too.”

“what are you thinking?”

”My friend, if it’s not too much to ask, and if it’s not too much of a burden,” Toriel takes a deep breath, “can I entrust you to watch over [Y/n]?”

Sans’ grin widens. Seems like his plan worked.

Taglist:

@lemonboy011

[anonymous-dentist]

can I still ask for a fun fact :3c

Europe has always been among the cringiest places on the planet, and uh.

Crusades? Yeah. Let’s talk about the Third Crusade aka the Kings’ Crusade, but specifically about how it started out because ooooooh boy

So the Crusades, for anyone unfamiliar, were basically a bunch of wars between Western Europe and the guys living in what they called the Holy Land, aka modern-day Israel and Palestine and the areas around there. See, Jerusalem was being held by an Islamic empire, and Europe fucking HATED that, so they got on a bunch of boats and went to terrorize the Middle East because that’s white people’s historically-proven cultural pastime

The Third Crusade came off of the Second Crusade, which the Zengid Dynasty wound up winning. The Europeans were pissed, so they headed off on their third attempt at retaking the Holy Land

Our first king is Holy Roman Emperor Frederick Barbarossa. He had a pretty good run, all things considered, getting all the way from what we now call Germany clear to what is now Turkey at the ripe old age of 66. He won several battles, lost a few, fucked with the Byzantines, and devastated Turkish forces.

That sounds like a win, right?

Well, it was, but then his horse slipped in a river somewhere in Turkey and he fucking died. His son, another Frederick, was so bad at getting his dad’s bones to Acre and everything that he had to outsource help to this dude called Conrad of Montferrat, who was technically the King of Jerusalem, but he himself would get assassinated by the Assassins (and they were assassins) literal days before his crowning

Our second king is Philip II of France, who is legit so unremarkable in terms of the Crusades that most of his involvement in them is him leaving them after getting dysentery and almost dying after being Very Bad At Crusading

Our third king is the only semi-competent one, Richard I of England, aka Richard the Lionheart, and he’s technically our fourth king because it was the king before him, Henry II, that tried the whole Crusade Thing before dying in a tragically British fashion. So we’ve got Richard, and he’s the only king here who actually managed to get to the Holy Land.

At first, Richard and Philip were at war. And then they said “hey wait let’s go just beat up Muslims instead”. And then they said “I hate you more than Muslims actually” and they started beating each other up, hence why Philip ended up leaving in the end.

Drama Happens! There’s some whole bullshit regarding marriage and then that dude from earlier, Conrad, because, guess what? Richard might’ve been the one to send the Assassins after that dude. Omg!!

But honestly? Not much to say about Richard. He did his (terrible horrible racist) job, and he won the Third Crusade. Sort of.

Well, Europe didn’t end up taking back Jerusalem. They would not, in fact, get Jerusalem back… ever! They had it for like two minutes during the Sixth Crusade, but they still don’t have control over the Holy Land to this day, much to their obvious annoyance

What happened with the two living kings? Well, they went back to war, of course! Richard would eventually die in an extremely comical and tragic and British fashion, getting killed by an arrow fired by a literal child. Philip would eventually die of Being Too Hot because he went traveling in the middle of summer while being pathetic and middle aged and French

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Coffee? [4]

Me, Larry, and Todd are quietly sitting and waiting for Ash to convince Sal to join the voice chat. Apparently, the prick has never gotten angry enough to leave the chat before, so Ash is going nurse his bruised ego back to health. I laughed about it, but no one else found it that funny. I get it. I guess.

So I sit with my headset on and my arms crossed over my chest with Call of Duty's Warzone loaded on my screen. Todd and Larry haven't said a word-- I almost wonder if they're muted.

I hear some Discord notifications, then Ash's over-exaggerated sigh. I sit up quickly, uncrossing my arms as I prepare to get into another argument with Sally.

Instead of feeling remorseful or even guilty, I feel energetic to the point where I have to remind myself that stooping down to his level isn't a good thing. But it still feels so damn good.

"Alright everyone," Ash says. When she's serious, she always says 'alright' in that exhausted, slightly disappointed tone. "We're having a meeting. Call this therapy because, clearly, some of you fuckers need it!"

I hold my breath and my stomach turns with excitement as words just leave my mouth without command. "Yea, I'm sure Sally needs some therapy after that burn. It's okay, buddy. We all support you."

"Y/--" Ash chokes on the first syllable of my name and I hold my breath again, but this time it's not out of eagerness. Fuck, I guess that one was a warning for me to just shut the fuck up from the universe.

Thankfully, Ash spits out a random word that starts with the same sound as the beginning of my name. It's random enough and the others are used to it, so no one says anything.

"Dammit, Vi!" Ash tries again, a tremor in her voice. I gulp, chewing on my bottom lip anxiously. That was way too close, but it's my own fault. "This is serious. Sally's pissed off and the two of you are way too hostile. This needs to end, or tone it down a bit at least."

My mouth feels dry and sticky as the guilt I wasn't feeling earlier starts to pick at my brain. I don't want to feel bad because if anyone should feel bad, it's Sal. He's a dick to me for no reason and it's fueled every one of my reactions. That's exactly why we're having a damn group intervention right now.

But, then again, all we're doing is giving Ash, Larry, and Todd a hard time. I genuinely don't want to do that. I feel selfish realizing that I've ignored how they may be feeling over the situation.

I chew on my lip and try to bite back my pride because the truth of the matter is that I need to apologize. My insides burn and I swear I'll make my lip bleed, but it's for the good of the group, right? Sal will let up, and maybe we'll even become friends. Right?

"Sally," I say with a sigh, trying to push away the slight sarcasm that leaks through my words. Fuck, it physically pains me to have to do this. "Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... done or said what I did. Can we, maybe, start over?"

I hear a scoff. My eyes narrow and my head clears. It's a moment of clarity for me-- not quite an epiphany, but a full second of time where I accept reality. It's a point in my life where I ditch any original plan I had just come up with.

"Shut up," Sally's voice bites out. Then he sighs heavily. "You're not my friend and there is no do-over. The only thing that's saving you right now is that I refuse to let you tear apart everything me, Ash, Larry, and Todd have built up. You will not get in the way. You're just an obstacle on my righteous path of life." His voice is confident, even amused as he speaks rather than the instant aggression he originally addressed me with.

I tilt my head and swallow thickly, "You know what?" I say, adopting a clear and gentle voice. Honestly, I'm kind of tired of fighting with him by now because he can't overlook whatever bullshit he's starting. He's a brick wall. At the same time though, I see how things must look to him. I'm some random person who's causing trouble-- a possibility that could break up the group he's worked so hard on. If I were in Sally's place, I'd feel threatened too. "That's fine by me. I have no intentions of breaking up your group-- I never have. I just want to get to where you guys are, make some friends in the process. I mean no harm."

"You do know that offering to choke on my cock is the quickest way to break up a group, right?" Sally snorts, his voice filled with accusation and humor.

So he finds this entire thing funny now. And for once, he scores a point. I can only win for so long, I suppose.

A blush tinges my cheeks and I pinch my lips together. He's managed to embarrass me and spew the truth at the same time. I can't fucking stand him, but I respect the accomplished attempt. I'm a fair person. He gets two points in my book for that one, but he doesn't have to know I respect him.

"So you don't want your dick in my mouth?" I ask, cocking an eyebrow even though he can't see it.

"Can you both just stop?" Ash says tiredly, clearly exasperated.

The reminder that I'm probably stressing all of my friends out makes me see rationally again, so I swallow back whatever else I was going to say.

"Sorry guys, I'm done with it. Let's play some games," I say, forcing a smile on my face. It's a facade to try and feel like I'm actually enjoying myself and not acting like a total bitch.

"I'm not done," Sally's voice comes in and his claim makes me sit up in my chair. No point in that, I'm just watching my character walk around with a gun at the ready-- nothing else. But it felt right to sit up-- to have a physical reaction. He never fails to fucking shock me.

"You've never seen my face, but you want my dick so damn bad, don't you?" he continues, chuckling at the end, like he genuinely can't help but find our situation funny. Probably because he knows he's beat me out on this game.

I sigh, and force myself to fight off the painful urge to kill his pride right now. I want to put him in his place so bad, but in the grand scheme of things, Sally means nothing. He has nothing to do with my future, nor will he be in it.

"That's highly inappropriate, Sally," I say softly, wincing at the obviously fake tone. "Let's just play, okay?"

Sally hums, the sound sending chills down my spine. It's sarcastic, it's meant to get under my skin, but fuck it feels good. I'm shocked into stillness for a moment, recalling the way his skin felt beneath my fingertips a few days ago. The way he spoke to me kindly, softly. His attractive mannerisms, his tattoos, and the look in his eyes when they met mine.

I shake myself out of the moment, taking a deep breath to quell the uncomfortable flutters in my chest.

"Let's play, then," he purrs, the sound of his voice digging into every inch of me in, unfortunately, all the best ways. "Just remember, if you end up with my cock in your hands, it's your position in jeopardy here, not mine."

Why is everyone so fucking silent?

Having to ignore his remark as quietude ensues around us makes me physically heat up. I've done a lot of averting and ignoring tonight and I can only do it for so much longer.

"The second you all start talking is when this ends," I snap harshly. "So talk."

"Yes, ma'am. Starting my stream now," Larry chuckles. It takes that instant of pure hilarity from my friend to realize that he genuinely has no issue with what we're doing. If anything, I think he may enjoy it. At least that's one person off my list of worries-- I'm not sure about Todd's stance. Ash has made her opinion clear.

We stay quiet out of respect for Larry, Todd, Ash, and Sally as they do their short introductions. I grow nervous as Ash closes her own intro up because that means I'm next.

There's no telling if anyone will even join my Twitch stream. I have hardly any followers anywhere, I've just started out. I don't even know what to say or do either. Todd and Larry had to break their backs trying to help me figure out how to work Twitch to begin with. The beginning of our Discord call was spent with panic and aggravated sighs.

"We have our sweet VioletViolence with us today and she'll be streaming for the first time too!" Ash chirps sweetly, addressing the fucking elephant in the room. "You know how to start everything up, baby?"

"Err," I spit out nervously, feeling around my keyboard for now reason at all as I start up my own stream. A spear of anxiousness travels through my system and I squint my eyes, wishing I could take it back.

But what helps is that ten people join the stream at the same exact time. From there, people join one by one every second or so.

This is real. I'm even more nervous now, but I'm hyped up over the fact that I won't be sitting in a barren stream.

"Uh, hi everyone. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing," I giggle, swiping a hand through my hair and releasing a shaky breath.

Ash giggles and Todd snorts.

"It's okay," Todd says reassuringly despite his somewhat monotone voice. "Introduce yourself and kind of go with what feels right from there."

If Sally was speaking at all right now, this wouldn't be going as smoothly. Another aggravating thing I respect about him, I guess.

"Thanks, Todd," I say sweetly, grinning as I look over a few comments on my screen. "My name is VioletViolence, and I don't have a cool trademark line yet, but I guess I'll say something ridiculous at some point. Welcome to my stream though, we're chaotic here and it's bound to get spicy eventually."

My eyes glance over a comment talking about Sally and how the person loves our banter, so I snort over it, scrunching my eyebrows. "That's cute," I laugh good-naturedly. "I think Sally would raise hell if he saw someone talking about our arguments as banter. Regardless, I'm glad you like it. It does get pretty fun."

An influx of comments come in and I lean back in my seat, grimacing. I should have stayed quiet.

"Banter!?" Sally exclaims over the mic, his voice cracking under the shock. "I can't stand this bitch!"

I roll my eyes, a smile pulling at my lips. He's such a literal cunt, but people love it.

"Awe, you love me. Don't lie," I coo, clicking on a couple things on my screen. Impatiently waiting to finish yelling at Sally so I can lose myself in Call of Duty. Kill bitches, feel better. "You couldn't shut up about having your dick in my mouth two minutes ago."

Sally grumbles, some aggression hidden in his deep voice that makes me giddy for a good fight instantly. "You're putting words into my mouth, dumbass. Get it right-- you're the one who offered to suck me off."

"Mmm," I hum, licking my lips. "You've read me wrong. I didn't offer, but you seemed intrigued by the thought and kept the topic alive. I'm sure you'd prefer something other than my fingers in your mouth, too, wouldn't you?"

"Oh, bi--" Sally's voice has real edge to it before he gets cut off by Larry. For a moment, I was a little worried he might try and find me to argue this out in person. The harshness of his voice actually made me flinch.

But now that it's over, the adrenaline rush feels fantastic.

"Oookay, that's enough you two. You gave the audience what they want. Let's move on," Larry actually cackles, loading up a new game. "Anyway, Vi! You any good at COD?"

I give Larry my best little evil laugh and scroll through my gun options. "Oh, I eat ass at this game so prepare yourselves," I say, clicking on my best options-- the options I know well enough, in and out, to really show what I've got. Call of Duty is the first game I've ever played, which means I've had plenty of time to get used to it.

"Is... that a good or bad thing?" Todd asks, genuine curiosity and a little bit of fear in his voice. The absurdity makes me want to laugh.

With a smile, I join the game with my friends and prepare to show up every single person in this lobby. "It means my skills are gonna leave you incapacitated for weeks. This tongue game is just as serious as my thumb game."

Ash, Larry and Todd burst into uncontrollable laughter, big sighs and choking the only thing I can hear for a bit. I didn't think it was that funny, but they did so that makes me smile excitedly. I'll have to keep working on my humor, but this is a start, isn't it?

I glance over at my twitch stream and note that 2,036 people are watching me right now and my comments are wild over the words I just said, one of them saying that I've already found my catchphrase.

I'm playing a game with over two thousand people in attendance to watch me kick ass. This feels amazing, but scary all at the same time. I have to watch what I say and do. The world is a beautiful place, but it's a haunting one too. One wrong move and shit can end just as quickly as it's begun.

I address some of my comments, grinning as our game starts and I hide myself behind a corner for a moment, listening to Ash yell at Larry to stop laughing.

"You guys like my serious tongue and thumb game? That got you?" I giggle, tilting my head curiously.

A ton of comments come in stating that they do, in fact, like the claim. "So what if I replace serious with dangerous?" I ask, spotting an unfortunate soul crossing my path.

"Fuck!" Sally exclaims suddenly, a lot of clicking and huffing going on on his end of the call. "I need help, some asshole's lighting me up."

Larry harrumphs, "A bro in need is a bro indeed," he says. "On my way!"

The phrase makes me laugh as I take off in Sally and Larry's direction as well, targeting who I can along the way. "You sure it isn't me kicking your ass?" I ask.

"That'd be cute wouldn't it?" Sally snaps, his voice grating. "Too bad you can't target group members in this setting. Otherwise, you'd be dead."

"Bold of you to assume I'm not already dead," I say sweetly, veering around a corner and finally spotting both boys.

"I wish you were." Sally grunts out, sighing exasperatedly.

"If I was, then you'd be dead, too." My tone is serious for a moment. Sally Face really was drowning in opponents and they were gunning him down bad, so I take out the last two to my left while Larry and Sally handle the others.

Sally's character spins around as I do and he notes my presence. I can't see him and I'm nowhere near him in person, but I can just smell his rage from across this continent that we both reside on.

"Fuck off," he bites out.

"I think you'd prefer to... fuck on," I can't help the smirk that envelops my face at the dumb joke. Sally doesn't find it funny, but my viewers, Larry, Ash, and Todd giggle at it.

Then an enemy pops up behind Sally while he's struggling to find something to say and the worst happens. Sally goes down in an instant-- I couldn't save him in time but I do avenge him by finishing the enemy. Friend or not, Sally is my teammate.

The issue is that he's dead because of me. Oops.

"Shit, sorry," I murmur, hot-cheeked and chewing my lips in embarrassment. I know he's going to be pissed.

"Dumb bitch," he spits out. "You just have to argue over everything."

Ew. Gross. "I apologized, asshat. Get over it. I was in the wrong, it happened, it's over. Don't be a dick," I grunt out, a little disgusted over his instant reaction as I keep playing with Ash, Larry, and Todd.

"Yea man, low blow," Larry murmurs.

"The two of you need to tone down the hostility. It's funny when it's friendly, but you went a bit far, Sally," Todd says matter-of-factly.

Fuck, his friends defending me is just going to piss him off even more.

"Yea, okay," Sally huffs out, less than pleased but forced to hold up a facade for the sake of his fans. I can only imagine what he's going to say when we end our streams later. "I'm going get coffee."

There's that damn accent. It's so nice and steals my attention immediately. The stupid way he says 'coffee' is so damn distracting that I can't stop myself from saying, "Wait, Sally, say that again."

The fear that erupts in my body gets me killed too. Everything goes to chaos for a moment, Larry yelling as I try to save myself, me panic running and still losing, then my comment section absolutely losing their minds.

Damn him. He could have just said something like "be back in a second." Why did he have to say the word 'coffee?'

I take a breath as I watch my dead body on my screen. Larry is breathing hard, Ash let out a little "oop" and Todd is off dominating elsewhere. Hopefully, Sally left before he could hear what I said.

That would be the best case scenario considering it was a moment of weakness for me. Please, let him be gone.

Of course he isn't though.

"What?" Sally suddenly asks, voice scrutinizing like he's trying to understand what just went on. The rest of the group is immersed in the game, so I lean back in my chair with wide eyes and a defeated little huff.

"What do you mean, what?" I ask nervously. Right now, Sally and I's viewers are just listening to us. This is a bad moment with no outside distractions to move us on to some other topic.

"You told me to say something again. What did you want me to say?" he says, seemingly short-fused. He's acting like he's sparing me just this once, like he's giving me a little break. The bastard.

I swallow thickly, squeezing my eyes shut as I try to remind myself that I really need to play up my act. No one can see how fucking embarrassed I am, so I can't let them hear that I am, especially Sally. "It doesn't matter. I thought you said something different."

"You sure?" Sally asks, a meticulous edge to his raspy voice. I shiver for what feels like the hundredth time tonight. He's too good with the way he speaks-- not specifically the words, but the way he uses them. "Did the accent get you?"

Dammit. This mustn't be the first time he's gotten shit about the way he says some things.

I try desperately hard to hold back a groan. What else should I say? How can I deflect-- deny? I... don't think I can.

"Yea," I improvise, bringing my fingers to my lips. "It sounded... cool. Where are you from?"

Sally and I have never had a normal conversation before so trying to initiate one to save my own ass is awkward. I don't know how to talk to him like a normal person.

Sally snorts. "Yea. I get bitches with the accent. Wish you were next?"

I roll my eyes and drop my hand back to my table. "You're such an ass. I was just trying to make casual conversation, you know?"

"That's not a 'no,'" he chuckles lowly and I feel like I'm going to fall apart. He needs to contain this asshole-ish, aggressive flirting because it's tearing me apart. It fills me with rage, but attracts me to him at the same time. I've never hated a guy's charm more than I do his.

"It's a no. I do not want you, Sally Face," I rush out, attempting to keep any hostility out of my voice even if it's incredibly hard. "Just tell me where you're from."

"Nope. I don't see why that's relevant when there are more important topics, such as your very obvious attraction to me." Sally quips, laughing lightly like he enjoys terrorizing me. He definitely enjoys it.

"Oh, really?" I grit out. "You keep bringing up this attraction you think I have for you, so are you sure it isn't the other way around?"

"More than. I've never seen you before. How could I be attracted to you? Not to mention, your personality is utter shit." Sally's insult is fired back at me angrily. Every time he's not in control, he gets pissed off. All I have to do is flip the switch on him, huh?

"Oh, there's no need to lie, Sally," I antagonize. "What about when I sent photos on Discord earlier? You disappeared then came back so, so angry. Were you just upset that you thought I was hot? What happened there?" If he can play this game, then I can, too. Fuck moving on, I'll bring up the past if it just so happens to be in my favor.

"I disappeared because there were more important things to do. You just think so highly of yourself, don't you? You think you're the center of attention. I saw your bullshit in the chat and left to get some water while everyone else hyped you up for no reason." Sally's smart, I'll give him that. He's quick with his rebuttals and he knows how to make me fucking itch.

For example, he pulled out his trump card-- that fucking accent again. He said 'water' on purpose. And no, I'm not hearing anyone out. Of course he said that on purpose.

No, I'm not just losing my mind because he's hot and and irking me all at once. I'm fine.

Before a syllable can even leave my mouth, Ash pipes up and cuts our argument short.

To say I'm fuming and yearning for Sal's neck in my hands is an understatement. And I'm not even quite sure how I want his neck in my grasp-- to assert dominance or to actual wring him fucking breathless.

"Hey, you fuming little fairies," Ash chirps with a giggle. "We won. Let's start a new game."

"No thanks to the bitch in the chat, of course," Sally's sighs. I can hear the mocking smile in his voice. "But yea, new game."

Things are getting worse, not better.

[dzthenerd490]

Why did you suddenly start supporting Ukraine and Sudan?

Short Answer - I'm an idiot who really should have done so sooner. No seriously these are massive issues, why didn't I do them sooner? I'm stupid that's why.

Long Answer - Duh? Because people need to be more aware of not just one problem but every fucking problem going on in our fucked-up world. I thought that Ukraine would have crushed Russia by now but while I was looking the other way Russia refused to die and instead is (extremely slowly) stealing Ukraine territory. Though thankfully Putin is starting to get scared like the little bitch he is and is hoping to handle things peacefully. And by peacefully, I mean trying to get the EU to discredit the Ukraine president... like a little bitch. Yes, I'm going to be using that insult a lot unless I or you guys help me come up with a better one.

Then theirs Sudan with its civil war between the Sudanese Armed Forces and the Rapid Support Forces. Apparently, things have gotten so bad in Sudan that these two forces are fighting so the winner can take what's left of the resources. They are literally killing each other for the scraps they have left, and NO ONE is willing to help any of them. You wanna know why? Because everyone is hoping all the Sudanese will die and thus their land will be up for grabs. There are HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of civilians who want nothing to do with the Civil War but are getting slaughtered every day by one side other the other either on accident or on purpose. But no one wants to help them because of the land... which is exactly the same as the Palestine situation if you really think about it.

But for the record that's only three problems in the world, there are still hundreds of other problems. Like how capitalism is slowly killing us all and ensuring only the rich will live forever (if immortality is ever achieved, we all know they 1% are the ONLY one's getting it). Or how police officers are getting more violent every day and honestly believe that with the badge on they can do whatever the fuck they want to civilians. Or how the government knows about all this bullshit but wants to keep it all under wraps so they can appease their investors. Kinda like how Joe Biden is calling American college students antisemitic for calling out Isralian genocidal fuckfaces.

Seriously fuck the US president and I'm sorry to everyone who I said should still try to vote this year. Fuck that! Keep protesting! Keep boycotting! Keep setting shit on fire! But uh I mean stuff that belongs to corporations, rich bastards, and politicans. Don't go burning or wrecking some person's car on fire that's not right.

Oh! Speaking of the government sweeping things under the rug! You know how Indigenous Americans are forced to like in reservations where they barely get anything but their most basic living needs and sometimes not even that. Well guess what, apparently the US government is STILL trying to kill them all off and calm their land. How? By invoking this stupid law that utilizes "Blood Quantum". Blood Quantum for those that don't know is a test that the US government forces on Indigenous Americans to see the purity of their heritage. if they have less than 25% blood of any of tribes, they are NOT ALLOWED to claim their heritage. Why did they do this? So that even if it takes another century or two, they can thin out the tribes to the point of extinction and prevent anyone who was under the 24% blood of a tribe to be unable to claim their heritage. That way when they do die off or everyone who is above 25% is dead, the US government can take the land without complaint. (this is real, look it up)

The US government has done a lot of fucked up shit, but this is possibly the most frustrating in a very fucked up way. They are literally waiting for the Indigenous Americans to go extinct. It's no fucking different to how they were hunting them down a few hundred years ago with guns or how they promised to respect their land only the next day to ship them out somewhere else! It's been 500 years, and the US government is STILL trying to kill them all! It doesn't matter that they're not using guns anymore, in fact using the "law" is so much worse! It's still genocide! It's fucking GENOCIDE only they somehow made it legal! I'm an American but seriously?! FUCK THE US GOVERNMENT! THIS COUNTRY WAS BORN AND THRIVES ON GENOCIDE! You can tell with how the government hates the idea of saving the Palestinians and are completely ignoring Sudan and Ukraine.

... The sad part is there are still so many more fucked up issues out there and I don't even know half of them. I'm sure the one's I listed were only a small fraction. That's why I'm doing what I can to cover what I can now. I'm not exactly good at it but I'm still going to keep trying.

But hey, if I ever get some information wrong, please let me know.

If I accidently say something bigoted or idiotic, please let me know.

I'm not some prideful idiot that has to be right all the time, if I'm ever wrong about anything I want to know IMMEDIATELY!

But until then, please don't stop talking about these issues or any other issue you know about. Don't support your government or politicians unless they comply to your demands. If you have an opportunity to protest or boycott, then please take it. None of these issues are going to stop unless change is done and those in power won't make that change until we make them. The best way to do that is to keep screaming in their ears.

[anerdyfeminist]

Very long and self-centered work rant incoming.

I know I've referenced a few things about what a hard and weird time it is at work and honestly I've only said about 5% of the truth of what all I'm carrying and that is going on. The ambiguity around what happens w/ my role, in particular, is killing me. I'm not at risk of losing my job, but a major leadership transition is looming and it's all very confusing. The cut to the chase is that I don't know what my role actually is in the new FY, which starts in 3 weeks now. It's a total shit show and in the process, I've discovered that I could be making almost twice what I make now at different nonprofits in fundraising, in positions that carry about 1/3 the responsibility and weight of other people's roles/livelihoods, etc. (It really is true when you are someone who STAYS you get penalized financially.)

I've loved this mission and this team for nearly 14 years now but IDK how much longer I can wait through all this bullshit. Someone I know from the Austin nonprofit world reached out to me to offer me free career coaching bc she's getting her certification and needs guinea pigs and I don't mind being one because I just need HELP and some outside perspective on what I actually want to do as I am 18 years into my nonprofit career at this point.

At our last session she asked me if I ever think about what's best for me instead of constantly focusing in on what's best for this organization and like I knew that's a problem for me but I didn't KNOW-know it until she said it. It's sitting really heavy for me.

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I'm going to for a second. I'm really good at my job. Like REALLY REALLY GOOD. Like award winning in my industry good. Like has a reputation as one of the few very healthy mangers/team leads of nonprofit fundraising in Austin good. (All 3 of my current direct reports at different times have told me they'll also plan their exits when I go, and I've successfully retained all of them for 5-10 years depending on when they joined.) Like have been attempted headhunted many times but haven't ever wanted to leave this mission before good. Like I wanted to see what's out there that may want me, and I've gotten 3 interviews w/in 2-3 days of contacting some recruiters or putting my resume out there good.

And it's all just making me so fucking sad because I don't WANT to leave, but I DO want to feel appreciated and seen and make the kind of money my peers are, for doing FAR FAR less work....or to at least feel as recognized by my current employer as I do these prospective new ones for how obviously awesome and valuable I am.

I've always been an authority-pleaser (ugh abuse baggage.) I've damaged myself tenaciously reaching goals that were too much, too hard, etc. I've been working now for 25 years in some form or another and I'm consistently told I'm a top performer...so why don't I feel like it here and now??? I started working as a babysitter and tutor when I was like 13, and I began pulling down "real" paychecks when I turned 16. Across the dozens of jobs I've had, I've never had a single corrective action taken against me...I've never been written up or fired. I barely have any listed areas of "needs improvement" on any of my reviews across ALL TIME. I don't say all of this because it's how i believe employees should act, but because I just want to paint a picture for you as to what a dream I am to have on a team because my sense of self-worth has been toxicly linked to what I do/produce and if I can get an A, and if the teacher/boss/lead loves me, since Day 1.

And HEY KIDS, GUESS WHAT??? It hasn't been worth it!!!!!

Thankfully, I do get to take care of myself fairly well in my current organization's culture and I do take time off and I don't have to pull crazy hours. But I also carry and "produce" and take care of way more than anyone else in my side of the org. Way more than anyone SHOULD. It's been admitted to me several times by leadership that I am "the agency's most precious human resource" (even if they don't make me feel that way by how I'm compensated or treated when it comes to this ambiguity.) But carrying this much means I've probably had 2-3 true incidents of burnout w/ my org in the pushing 14 years I've been with them, but I always somehow found a way to recover and get back to happiness or at least contentment.

I'm not sure if that's possible for me now, and it's largely due to the fact that our board doesn't know what they're doing and they are torturing someone who they really really depend on for the agency to stay afloat w/ unnecessary ambiguity. I'm drowning in the ambiguity.

[stateofsope]

Happy Birthday to: Me

It's not easy growing older. It's even harder if you're not sure if people care about it.

Today is my birthday - or, I guess, by the time I post this, it was yesterday. Birthdays and I have a weird relationship.

I absolutely love birthdays. I love making the days on which we celebrate my favorite people special for them. I love picking out presents, writing cards, sometimes even baking a cake. I want that day to be perfect for them.

Every year I hope the same thing will happen on my birthday, but each year my expectations are too high and I end up being disappointing and not fully enjoying the day.

Birthdays aren't easy for a lot of people. Growing older is a very scary scenario and for many years I felt the same way. This big number 30 kept coming closer (now, it's closer than ever) and I felt like I haven't done enough, haven't experienced my 20s in the way I'm supposed to. I blame society for this, because everyone is glamorizing being in your 20s. No matter if you watch movies or read books, this is supposed to be the time of your life and as soon as the 2 changes to a 3 your life is over.

But that's the biggest bullshit ever.

My great-grandmother died in the high age of 94. Let's say I'll reach a similar age, then I only passed one third of my life so far. There's still 60 whole years ahead of me! Nothing is over - it just started.

It took me many years to realize this. I'm not losing my youth turning 30. The best is yet to come (yes, this is a bts reference and yes, this song and the way they talk about growing older is a big part of why I've come to this perspective).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that birthdays come with a certain kind of sadness. Another year has passed, something ended, something new will begin, you don't know what's going to be waiting for you.

So, even though I'm not that scared of growing older anymore, a feeling of melancholy is always around on my birthday for me. There's always a moment during the day where I wish I could sit down somewhere and just cry for a couple of minutes (I don't though, don't wanna scare my poor mother).

But then there's this feeling of expectation. I want this day to be as special as possible - I wanna feel like the most special person on this whole entire planet for 24 hours. I don't care about the rest of the year, I just want these 24 hours.

The problem already starts with the fact that it's my dad's birthday the day after mine (happy birthday, dad!). We always celebrate with the family on my dad's birthday and that's fine with me. Having family over is exhausting and this way we can avoid it for one day. But, having guests over means a lot of work, so usually my parents are busy with cleaning and cooking and baking all day. We usually don't go out on my birthday, which is fine for me too, because I'm a homebody, but let's at least enjoy the day all together?

I love getting presents. Let's be honest, who doesn't? But everyone around me has a tendency of meaning well but shooting right past the target. Ah, a fuzzy blanket, how nice - let me add it to the 5 I already have. A water bottle, always important - that's why I already have one, duh. Bed sheets, cute - I'm very highly sensitive and always use the same one. Books, cool, I love reading - but I'm in the biggest reading slump for 2 years already and that's not even a genre I like. A dress, okay, uh - don't we all know how particulate I'm with what I wear and I hate when others pick things out for me?

You see where I'm going with this. I'm happy, I truly am thankful, but the times I had to fake a smile opening a present has seriously gotten out of hand.

My friends, by the way, are awesome at choosing presents for me. BTS prints, Taylor Swift cups, Photocards, selfmade cards - yes please, thank you. I like small things, that show how much someone knows me. (Also, my parents have gotten much better, because they started asking what I want.)

Anyways... I just honestly want to spend my birthdays with the people I love. I for once want to celebrate it, on my birthday.

This year was the perfect opportunity, because it was a Saturday. I invited my friends months ago. When I reminded them a while ago, most of them had no time. I canceled, I just spend the day with my family. With my parents who were busy most of the day and my sister who is a teenager who is attached to her phone 24/7.

I want people to surprise me. I want my brothers to show up without me knowing about it. I want a room full with purple balloons and cake with the BTS logo and Taylor on it. I want a birthday party themed like I'm a 3 year old kid, because I never had this and I want to listen to my favorite artists all day and don't think that it could annoy others, because it's my day and I can do whatever the hell I want.

And while I want all of this and I know I deserve this for one day a year I feel bad, because don't I have a happy enough life? Doesn't anyone love me enough the rest of the year? Well, to be honest, I sometimes feel not that much loved on my birthday.

I feel like my best friend and my mum are the only ones who truly appreciate me on this day - and here we are again, because isn't this super unfair to everyone else in my life?

I'm tired now and I have a headache. Tomorrow there will be people over, so I need my energy to pretend I'm all happy all day.

Like I said, this is mostly rambling. This probably doesn't even have a lot of substance, but oh well. I guess I just had to let it out.

[tears-of-boredom]

okay The Hustle is like actually a pretty cute movie, like it fr left me a smile on my face. I can even endure the annoying pop song of the credits for it. also, that is another white boy. slightly different breed but like, same genus still if you catch my drift. but i think i missed the comedy part? like I was very doubtful of the movie at first because it was a comedy and i don't usually really like them tbh, but I like, did not notice any joke in this?? like I know that there were some, but i guess i just thought myself a bit more perceptive. anne hathaway's accent stuck for me apparently. was the part with penny in jail supposed to be comedy? i guess i just dont know what a normal reaction to comedy is. I also watched the first episode of the first season of doctor who, and this is related because I laughed so hard when it was confirmed that the london eye was the like transmitter. not because of the actual joke they did, but because it was literally the first thing i thought of when the doctor gave the description. it was really funny to me that it was literally like one of the top 5 tourist attractions. and also it was funny that they both needed to see the ferris wheel to realise that it's even a possibility. like, london + big circle? you should think about the eye of london immideatly, and then keep thinking of other answers because why the fuck would it be that simple. and I genuinely laughed at that. but then like, i just kind of,, enjoyed the vibe of The Hustle. like there was no part where i laughed, or thought "thats funny". instead i just really enjoyed how light and silly the vibe of the movie was. though, you know, my eat the rich senses were going off the whole time with anna's character, so I didnt enjoy her that much. like, I know that people will just see a girlboss and like her because she "slays", but honestly i never get those things. rich people should be slayed, regardless of whether they slay or not. especially if theyre not even like nice people.

like, I just...I guess she gets a bit of sway with me because she seems to just rob other rich people, but still. whats it matter when she seemingly just hoards the money anyways.

sorry i am like especially on my communist bullshit rn because i personally dont have much money, and that makes me feel really anxious. i could handle it if it was just my own expenses i needed to consider, because like i can handle starving myself a bit if it comes to that, but i live in a household. and I feel really fucking guilty just living here for free. so i feel the need to cover some expenses of others when I can, although i do not need to. but now i cant do that. also I am trying to wait out the deadline of my birthday, when a medical thing i want(need) will be free.

i just fucking hate rich people ya know. oh look at me i bought this car that uses gas that has methane gas in it aren't i so cool.

why are rich people, of all people, always pushing for poor people to invest for later profits. invest 40 years of your life to 24/7 work and maybe youll be able to buy a house, easy as that! and then the same rich people are literally living every day like its their last. what are they investing in when they support oil companies? they are literally living in the moment so hard that they do not care of the "whole fucking planet actively dying" thing.

i hate hypocrites. and rich people. if I was allowed to kill every billionaire(and millionaire), on the condition that i had to literally eat them, i would leave no fucking crumbs. and I would get on some drugs to deal with whatever the side effects of cannibalism were.

wait wasn't this post about the hustle. well, you know. movies about crime are always bound to unleash my red rage. also I'm joking about me being a communist, kind of at least. because i dont know what the like, official ideals of communism are. but its just like a thing of, if someone doesnt like it when I call myself a commi, i probably wouldnt like them anyway. you have to at least be able to joke about being a communist. and I guess this works for facism too, in the way where if you joke about being a nazi, i will not like you. cus acting like a racist "as a joke" isnt really funny.

anyways I am sorry. im tired. and the whole day ive been thinking about how i want to read fanfics. and also how i want it to rain properly. and I know that I could just read the fanfics, there's nothing really stopping me,, but I guess I just dont want to be dissapointed again. the scenes and athmospheres ive been imagining in my head will always be better than any fanfic writer can create. im sorry, I genuinely am tired. i dont know whats up with me, cuz i literally woke up at noon. like I hope it isnt anything long term thats making me so tired.

[dzpenumbra]

1/26/23

Today kinda felt like a counterpoint to yesterday. It started off with yoga that was surprisingly difficult. I guess the poses I did today must be on par with the other ones for other people, but these really took some work for me today. A lot of work around where the lower back meets the hips, which is a big problem area for me. Very good getting through it and I always feel like it ends too early... Still have no idea what I'm going to do when this 30 day thing is over, it's like day 24 already. I guess... go to a real in-person class. It's about time to order some comfy pants, I don't think they're going to take kindly to me showing up in boxers like I do at home...

I worked on stream stuff for most of the day. I poked around in the Twitch settings to explore options with the whole channel points thing. I really need people to feel at home there, and the one thing that has been most gratifying and successful in pretty much every stream I've been in... unfortunately... is Channel Point "Predictions". Why unfortunately? It's literally gambling. It's like... literally the act of gambling without using real money. It's just using your time to generate a currency... I mean... "time is money" so... wait, no don't think about this too much... XD It feels really uncomfortable for me because half of my former audience (who will likely return) were still in high school. And I really don't like the idea of like... training these kids to gamble. Getting them enticed and rewarded by the act of gambling. Showing them how fun it can be, and oh geez, imagine how much more of a RUSH you would get if you won real money instead of these valueless points? How cool would that be?

It's... a moral issue, to be frank. The same goes for like... the fact that a lot of the viewerbase for Twitch is younger. But honestly, it's not like YouTube is gonna average older... So it makes me really feel like I should watch my language, or put an 18+ disclaimer... or get rid of people when I find out they're underage... Like... It's just an element that I really don't feel like should be my job. Like... it should 100% be Twitch's job to make sure that the people that they are giving accounts to on their website are of appropriate age to be interacting with my stream. Imagine if I had like 3 or 4 digit viewer counts, I can't be held responsible for checking IDs. I guess what's popping into my head now was the last stream I did where I did modded Minecraft and I was going to build an abbey with a mechanized quarry nearby to source stone. And it was another bullshit silent night where this high school kid was just talking about the mods he wants to play and really didn't give too much of a shit what I was up to in the game. And then silence after he dipped out. Then... a person jumped in and started chatting and told me they were 12. That's 1/3 of my age. And I just... I'm like 90% sure I banned them. Like... let's be honest... they're not going to subscribe. They're going to go into this stream with like a 3 viewer count, treat it like fucking Omegle, and then dip out. A lot of people do that with lower-viewcount streams. They treat it like it's a private chatroom or something, like a low-member discord group or something. And, to be completely honest, I do not really feel like hanging out one-on-one with a 12 year old. Especially if I'm not being paid for that. Like... if I'm giving an art or music lesson and I'm being compensated for my time, sure. But I'm not streaming just "for fun". This is like... I put a lot of fucking work into what I do. I really try to treat it professionally. I don't just buy a webcam and some trendy gear - the Twitch Starter Kit - turn the camera on, fire up Warzone and broadcast the side of my head to chat for 5 hours for no reason. I narrate, I explain what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, why things are happening, I explain concepts, I explore reasons behind things. I'm a presenter, a storyteller, a host. So yeah, if they want to just talk to a random streamer because they are bored, they can hit random again. If they want to --- god, my mood really took a turn there, didn't it?

I haven't been thinking like this... at all today. Like... at all. I sank an entire day into throwing together an intro video which is pretty cool and funny. Then redesigning my brb screen, which is really sick now, it has that blooming mandala animation I did last winter superimposed over a super zoomed in high res picture of the cells in a leaf as a background texture, saturated with light pink. And I found a nice sleek new font I like for my lettering. Then I learned how to add my chat into a Source in OBS so I can make a sorta Splash/Idle screen where I can just chill and chat and have chat on the screen, for Just Chatting type stuff. I had to learn CSS for that one, that was... tough when I'm not 100% engaged with it. And I put one of these endless nature loops in the background. And it inspired me to do some hand-drawn animation stuff as the background, like infinite loop animations in either Krita or Blender, or a combo of both. Maybe I should just do that on stream, honestly.

Like... I've been positive about that all day. All the prep, all the creative excitement and inspiration. And then I think about the reality of streaming. Night after night of playing Overwatch, high as shit with zero viewers. Where I didn't even have friends or viewers to tell me that Xbox doesn't let you broadcast voice chat of other people in your party, so I'm just broadcasting myself and no responses from my team. For like... weeks. I would be embarrassed about that if I weren't so angry that like... it costs like absolutely nothing for someone to troubleshoot that with me. Nothing. Like an hour of literally anyone's time. Like I just need a friend to drop by one stream and they'll immediately go "who are you talking to", then we go figure out why we can't hear my team and voila, figured out. But... well I guess that leads me to the other landmark in my day. My therapy session.

I hit the reverse lottery with friends. And with family. Like... my therapist, this dude is a saint, I mean it. Such a nice dude, and very good at his job. So I really do trust that he is being bluntly honest with me, because he like... specifically asks my permission to be that direct with me. Which is a habit I would like to adopt, honestly. But he was very clear that like... my family is not healthy, and likely never really has been, and it has really fucked up my perception of humanity. And I immediately agreed and elaborated, saying that I still can't figure out if it was coincidence, if I am attracted towards these kinds of people because of familiarity, or if they are attracted to me in some predatory way... but I just rolled nat 1's on most of my friends. And romantic partners. Like honestly, I think the best girlfriend I had was my first girlfriend, and I dumped her because she wasn't moving fast enough or something? Or she was just not into the same kind of shit as me or something? I was like 14, I don't remember, it was some stupid facepalm dumb kid thing. But she was very sweet and romantic, and I was getting into hardcore and metal and skateboarding and Jackass/CKY and shit. It was just... probably for the best for her sake. I doubt she would've followed me down that path. But for real, I just... in hindsight? I've had some pretty horrific friends. Very self-centered. Very few actually wanted to hear any of my insight or have me involved in their life at all, now that I look at it. Like I was a supporting character, a guest star that would come on their show and crack jokes and entertain them, and ogle over their music taste and listen completely when they told stories, who would just gush with compassion and reassurance.

For so long, I have prided myself on my ability to see the best in people. I still do believe it's one of my better traits. I could legit find a way to be compassionate towards a Great White Shark while it's tugging me under the waves. I would be terrified and deeply sad and likely in shock too, but I'd find a way to express compassion. It's like... automatic now. "They've gotta eat too, man. This is just what sharks do." My fascination with study, learning... it's expanded my world view to the point where a lot of Buddhist teachings I used to roll my eyes at as being "melodramatic" or "too dark for me" are actually very core to my beliefs. I'd honestly say, with my limited understanding of Buddhism, that it's probably closest to the beliefs that I've naturally formed. This idea that all of our shitty traits come from our suffering. Which, in turn, is caused by the suffering of others, and so on and so on. And that viewpoint is just like... default... for the most part. I never see someone as like... being a dick for no reason anymore. The dude who honks at me in traffic likely had a bad day at work, or has a bad relationship, or has a ton of repressed stress that's coming out, or was raised in a family where that's just... what you do when things don't go your way... There's always a reason. And that's a point me and my therapist diverge on, causality. I truly believe that everything since the Big Bang is cause and effect; that random - true random - is a myth. I don't know how I feel about fate or destiny, I'm a huge proponent of free will. But I do not believe that the Dalai Lama just wakes up one day and snaps at his... monk-mates? XD I don't know who the Dalai Lama chills with. But I really don't think he just randomly does that, just... because something misfired or something? I mean, even a misfire is a reason!! ANYWAY...

Through the crucible of... I'm struggling to find a kind way to phrase this... going through a LOT of shit. And being raised in an environment that is not "normal" aka not healthy. I have managed to evolve compassion and kindness towards those that are actively hurting me. Maybe as a survival mechanism, like how we use humor to cope with difficult, painful things. Maybe as a way to avoid worse damage? To mitigate damage? We touched on that briefly and I might as well mention it. I think the reason I have 5-6 hour fights regularly... is because I don't leave. I don't walk away. When literally every other living person on Earth would have walked away. I've had this realization a lot. It's weird because my staying is viewed as aggressive, but... historically... I have believed storming out or running away or yelling is the aggressive route. Like, obviously yelling is. Leaving a conflict feels like a mic drop. Like "hey, we're not talking about this anymore, peace." The same with running, in different ways, it's like "we're not talking about this anymore". It's like... controlling, to me. And I really don't like doing it. I feel like it makes me the bad guy, the one cutting off lines of communication, the one hanging up on someone. Like if I trip someone's bullshit and they start flipping out on me... I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not guilty of that, I'm still innocent. And I'm getting to the point where I can clearly believe that in the moment. "I did not do anything wrong, I just triggered someone's poorly wired defense system." But me deliberately hanging up on them? Walking away and ghosting them if they call back? That feels like deliberately being anti-social.

I'm still trying to sort through this and make sense of it practically. I may be going a bit too saintly. And I feel like I need to practice just... communicating that I need to leave for my mental health, and then committing to walking away. And finding compassionate, kind ways to do that. That feels like a good goal. That way I can be kind towards myself by keeping myself safe from people... let's not mince words here... abusing me, but at the same time, I can still fulfill that ethical imperative to be compassionate towards them. "Forgive them, for they know not what they are doing." Right?

So I guess that's the theme here this evening. Conflict resolution. Not just sitting there and taking it. I need to be assertive with people in my chat, even if they're the only ones there. I need to be okay banning people who are being shitheads. I have to be okay kicking out people who are acting like children. That's how you cultivate a healthy community. Not by changing people. But by setting a standard, a boundary, and enforcing it. "In this room, we're here to learn." "In this room, we let the streamer play the game." "This is a radio show, not Omegle." And with friends? And family? And romantic partners? "These are my boundaries that you may not cross. If you cross them, I will have to go." It's hard for me to even type that, even when it's not directed towards anyone in particular.

Wasn't expecting tonight to be so intense. Cat is drugged up, wobbly on her feet. I'm gonna get her carried up to bed, she has her appointment in the afternoon. I'm actually considering just sleeping in the beanbag chair so I don't have to worry about her eating shit down the stairs at some point in the night and maybe I can sleep better not worrying. It's a hard call. I'll figure it out. Fingers crossed her blood levels look a bit better.