#so fuck that. i'm finishing this no matter what

[cvnntagious]

☆ introducing... pornstar!chris

chris was never shy about his profession... not at all, really. truthfully, he only stayed quiet about it as to not make other people uncomfortable. but of course, as soon as he was in front of the right crowd, and the questions started coming, it was like they'd never stop. "nah— no, i don't do all that fake shit," he answered, waving off his friend as he chuckled.

everyone looked to him as they sat around on the couches in your living room, some with wonder on their faces, others with confusion. you were skeptical, to say the least. "y'know what i mean, with those plots and all," chris continued on, "no one even likes that anymore. they wanna see real, unscripted fucking. all the dirty talking and moans, they're just not enjoyable if it's all for show."

"yeah, but i'm sure it's all played out anyways," you were quick to speak up, not thinking too much of the comment you'd made. though the words were simple in your mind, they immediately caused everyone's attention to turn to you, as if you'd told this something no one could've ever possibly thought up.

chris shook his head, grin unwavering. "nah, i scrap anything that seems even remotely forced."

"but porn's always forced, everyone knows that," you quipped, completely disregarding chris' 'professional' opinion.

"y'think so?"

the smirk that began to tug at his slips only seemed to further build the tension that had already started hanging in the air. "yeah," you stated bluntly, the way you crossed your arms gave you a snobbish look, but you didn't care. "i mean, seriously, all those loud moans and screaming and shit... nobody's really that loud, no matter how good it is. and there's just no way chicks are, like, squirting and shaking all the time— i wouldn't even be surprised if squirting wasn't even real."

by this time, chris had shifted comfortably in his seat on your couch, crossing his arms like you had and watching you with an almost unreadable intense stare. he wasn't offended by what you were saying, no. rather, he was curious. he could be way off, but something told him you didn't really know much of what you were talking about.

━━★

"mm-mm, baby, don't go all quiet on me now," chris hissed as his hips snapped to meet yours, his hand reaching to lift your chin and force you to look at him.

"c- chris!" you practically shrieked, hands reaching to claw at his biceps as your back bowed slightly off of your couch, eyes closed and mouth making a pouty little 'o' shape that had chris' ego blowing up his head.

the way his large length filled you up more than you ever had before, threatening to hit your cervix with each thrust had tears brimming at your waterline. your world was being rocked, in every sense of the word, and it was all his fault. he'd decided it was time to change your outlook on everything on one random night over a silly comment you'd made hours prior. "how loud could chicks 'never be'? was it -" he cut off his sentence to pull all the way back and snap his hips as hard as he possibly could, eliciting a loud mewl from you that echoed through your house, "that loud?"

you immediately clung to him, legs wrapping around his torso and arms throwing themselves around his neck. he breathed harshly and groaned in your ear, head dipping to practically nuzzle itself in between your neck and your shoulder for a moment.

chris couldn't help chuckle when he heard you pleading to him, mumbling on about how he was too big, and that you couldn't finish like this. but still, when he slowed down for you, you found yourself whining at the loss of friction, writhing beneath him as he lifted his head to make eye contact with the camera set up on your coffee table. "wait! wait, m'not—wait, no, ke- keep doing that," you rambled on, practically unable to control the babble falling from your lips.

so when you finally decided you were fully satisfied with what he was doing (as if you hadn't already been before), chris' eyebrow raised, realizing he'd really found it now; that gummy sweet spot that made your eyes roll back.

and he shot the lens focused on him a cocky gin before diving all the way back in, allowing his head to drop on your shoulder once more

w/c : 754 a/n : divider by issysh3ll

[leonsgfpost]

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: Leon experiences a good dose of jealousy.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: Leon (RE6) x fem!reader, unprotected sex, creampies, jealousy, hair pulling, overstimulation.

Leon swears he isn't a jealous man, he is an adult and responsible man. Jealousy he considers silly, for insecure or stupid guys. And he's nothing like that. But there's something about how his fingers seem to tingle every time another guy gets too close or talks to you like he knows everything about you. They don't know you like he knows you, no one does it like he does.

He hates how they make excuses to touch you, brush your shoulder or your hand, maybe.

He hates how some turn their head to look at the pretty little thing walking hand in hand.

Hate how the coffee shop worker down the street smiles too much at you or draws a little heart next to your name on the coffee cup.

He hates all that shit.

But, wait, he's not a jealous man.

So, why is he ramming you like he hates you? Like you did something wrong? It wasn't your fault that man tried to get a few smiles out of you by making dumb jokes. That man even had the audacity to run his fingers through a lock of your hair.

The same hair he was pulling mercilessly right now, clutching his fingers between your silky soft locks and burying your face in the sheets. Too bad, he won't be kind tonight.

You let out a small sob as you felt his fingers circle your clit again, with hard, firm strokes. Asking, no, demanding that you give him another orgasm. Which one was it? The second or the third? You were already too fucked up to be able to think of anything else.

"Come on, aren't you smiling anymore? huh?" He asks, almost indignantly. His heavy breathing brushed against your back, feeling him settle in so he could keep up with the brutal rhythm of his cock quickly burying itself in your pretty pussy. If you were a little more conscious, you'd start thinking about his words. What the hell is he talking about? You don't know.

But he knows, and he knows it well.

"What's the matter? H-Have you already gone dumb for a little attention?" his words dripped sarcasm, annoyance. His fingers released your clitoris, running his hand wet with your discharge up your abdomen to cup one of your breasts.

"Leon-! D-Don't stop, don't stop..." You mumbled completely dizzy without paying attention to his words, burying your flushed face in the unraveling sheets. Your fingers clutched at the sheets as if your life depended on it.

No matter how rough, you loved it. What more would a girl want than for her big, big boyfriend to ruin her tight little pussy? Exactly.

"I'm the only one, r-right? This pretty pussy belongs to me, I'll take care of branding it." he murmured, straightening her back a little. His hand released your hair, finally. Lowering both of his hands to your hips.

"Hold on, babe. Fuck-" He said, almost teasingly and you knew he had that cocky smile on his lips. His fingers dug into your hips, starting to push back your body to meet his onslaught. You could swear you could feel it in your stomach.

His head fell back and his jaw relaxed, lost in the ecstasy of the pleasure of your wet, tight walls fluttering around his cock eager to hit that sweet spot inside you. That spot that only he knows. Only him.

He furrows his brows as he feels his dick begin to jerk inside you, quivering as he stretches your walls like his favorite activity. He lowers his narrowed eyes, heavy with pleasure to your pussy watching the semen from his previous loads splatter your thighs from the force of his thrusts. What a mess, right? He was a disastrous man. He would be almost embarrassed if you caught him in the middle of his little tantrum.

"Oh, Honey, Honey, Honey..." Leon's hoarse huskiness became almost sticky, feeling his brain melt as his dick ached with how sensitive it was, its dripping tip focused on being able to give you another load.

"God, God, this pussy... This-Fuck..." He couldn't even finish his sentences. His gasps echoed in the room, along with the slaps of his full, straining balls slapping against the wetness of your skin.

He leaned forward, sinking his teeth into your shoulder and pushed his chest hard against your back, pinning your body in an almost animalistic way so he could empty his balls inside you. You heard him moan in an almost embarrassed way, you could tease him later.

His hips kept thrusting little thrusts, almost in an agonizing way trying to push more of his thick cum inside you, wanting to fill every space of the pussy he loved so much.

His little punishment didn't go very far, because the one who ended up fucked and with his balls as empty as his head, was him. You've got this man ruined.

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: special mention to @ilylovelyz thanks for the idea and the support 🫶🏼💕💕

(💌) bye, bye !

[imjustaf444keriguess]

you are literally illiterate

endogenic systems is an umbrella term that encompasses created-plural experiences. you can yell all you want about if it's cultural appropriation to use the term tulpa but like it or not they are part of the endogenic umbrella term.

people who create sentient "others" or have sentient "others" that are formed without trauma are endogenic. internet tulpamancy / psychological tulpamancy, the thing scientists are studying in SOME of the sources i shared, is a form of endogenic plurality.

you even linked wikipedia, which TALKS ABOUT TULPAMANCERS from internet sources!

you also refer to endogenic systems as "endo alters just kinda seem to spawn like a Minecraft pig and are usually fictional characters the "host" loves." when tulpas, in the usage i'm referring to, started from BRONIES. wanting to talk to the ponies, in their brain. mentioned ON WIKIPEDIA. (bold text mine)

Influenced by depictions in television and cinema from the 1990s and 2000s, the term tulpa started to be used to refer to a type of willed imaginary friend.[9] Practitioners consider tulpas to be sentient and relatively autonomous.[4] Online communities dedicated to tulpas spawned on the 4chan and Reddit websites. These communities refer to tulpa practitioners as "tulpamancers". The communities gained popularity when adult fans of My Little Pony started discussing tulpas of characters from the My Little Pony television series.[4]

sure, we could get into how silly that is in reality, or how the experience was inspired by religious practices, but do you think we'd have scientists performing BRAINSCANS and similar research into tulpas if they weren't more than some bronies larping online?

but again, endogenic systems and tulpas are not all fictional characters and to dismiss either because people have attachments to fictional characters and the brain likes to latch onto that? is silly.

although if you're going to brush off the research because they said tulpa and tulpas are religious and imaginary to you, een though the wikipedia page you linked mentions the kind of tulpamancy i'm referring to and you seem to ignore the actual definitions of tulpa from psychological tulpamancers themselves (examples include the tulpamancy reddit and tulpa.info link i screenshotted above), then maybe critical thinking and logic isn't your strong suit.

i think you just like assuming you're correct without any evidence to back up your claim and i hope you continue to live in blissful ignorance. and a headache for a few more hours.

(starting off, we are a traumagenic did system. we have did.)

endogenic systems are absolutely punk and they belong in punk spaces (pluralpunk, systempunk, whatever) and here’s why:

- punk is about embracing who you are and living your life authentically and unapologetically

- punk is about not letting other people dictate how you live your life and who you can be

- punk is about radical acceptance, equality, and solidarity

- punk is about rejecting authority and the establishment (and yes, this includes the medical establishment which is often ableist and causes disabled people real, long lasting harm)

there is no room for anti endos in punk. being anti endo literally is being anti punk. learn more about what punk means, and do better.

[rafeswhre]

Hi 🙃 could you maybe write a fanfic where rafe gets hurts and reader is patching him up and there’s lots of tension because he’s so stubborn? Thank you 🤗

rafe cameron x fem!reader

warnings: suggestive content but not smut (almost lol), mentions of blood, established relationship!

a/n: english isn’t my first language i’m sorry for any mistakes (specially verbs lmao)

currently it was 1:00 am, lately you couldn’t sleep, so watching your phone in you bed was pretty much the best you could do.

you heard something on your window, which was strange, you turned around to find something but you couldn’t find anything.

again.

and again.

you kinda freaked out so you get up from your bed and slowly walk to your window.

again.

“oh my god” you gasped once you approached the window, then you opened. “are you insane, rafe?” you looked down.

“are you gonna let me in or..?”

“it’s past midnight, rafe!” you moved from your window so he could climb.

he entered your room with a small smile on his face. suddenly you realize that something was wrong.

“what’s on your face?” you got closer to him.

“what? nothing.” he pulled away.

you frowned and you walked to turn on the light in your room, you turned around to look at him.

“oh god, rafe!” you gasped once you watched his face with a cut in his eyebrow and his cheek with a bruise. “what the hell happened to you?”

“it’s nothing, i’m alright.” he sat on your bed.

“rafe, you’re bleeding.” you said in a serious tone.

he touched his eyebrow, looking down at his hand to see his fingers had the tiniest bit of blood on them. “oh...is it really?"

“what is wrong with you?” you frowned.

he rolled his eyes. “nothing is wrong with me...I'm fine. I just got into a fight, you don't have to act like it's a huge deal."

“of course, rafe.” you rolled your eyes and walked to your bathroom, trying to find your medicine kit.

“hey, i’m alright, i can handle it.”

you didn't say anything, you just sighed and kept looking through your things.

“you don’t have to worry, alright? i’ll be fine, i didn’t come here for you to patch me up like a damn puppy.”

“rafe?” you called him out.

“yeah..?” he lifted up his eyebrows.

“shut up.”

he was a bit caught off guard by your sudden tone, but he shut up and went silent like you told him to, not without a sigh and rolling his eyes of course.

in silence, you walked to your bed with everything you needed then you sit in his lap for more access to his face.

his eyes widened as you sat on his lap, his heart rate increasing a bit from being so close to you.

“it’s nothing necessary, i swear-“ he was interrupted by the burning of the alcohol in his eyebrow. “oh, fuck-“ he flinches a bit and winces from the pain of the alcohol on his wound, instinctively putting a hand on your waist as you do so.

“i’m sorry.” you said sadly.

he looked up at you as you apologized, his hand gently gripping your side “it's fine.. just hurts a little, that's all.."

“well, it wouldn’t if you didn’t get into a fight.” you threatened him.

he huffed and looked down, knowing there was no denying that. "it's not like I can help it whenever some guy decides to run his fucking mouth, it's not my fault I act on impulse.."

“it is your fault, rafe.”

“well he shouldn’t have started it.”

you rolled your eyes. “it doesn’t matter, you don’t follow their stupid behavior.”

he looked to other side, pretending he didn’t hear you.

“it doesn’t matter what someone decides to say or do, you’re better than that.” you looked at him. “rafe, baby, i don’t want you to get hurt.”

“i know.” he looked down.

“hey, just promise me you won’t get.. you know.. physical.”

“alright.” he agreed with a small side smile.

you finished curing him, you took his face and gave him a little kiss on his cheek.

“was that supposed to be a reward for me agreeing or something..?" a hint of a smile at his lips.

you giggled at his comment. “no, i just felt like it.”

he smiled a bit at your giggle, he always liked the sound of that. he tilted his head, looking at you for a moment before speaking. “you can always feel free to kiss more than my cheek, y'know.”

“i know.” you giggled again and hide in his neck, cuddling in his lap.

his arms wrapping around you and his chin resting gently on top of your head. his hands gently traced over your back as he spoke again, a calm and quiet tone to his voice now. “someone's awfully clingy today.."

you stepped back moving away from his neck, still wrapping your hands around his neck. “oh, I'm sorry to bother you.” you rolled your eyes.

“i never said it was bothering me, I actually don't mind how close you're being right now" he pulled your hips a bit closer to him, now flush against him.

“hey.. don’t do that.” you jumped a little because of the sudden proximity.

“why not?” he pulled your hips closer again, more firmly this time.

“my parents are home.” you pout.

“oh, right, your parents are home, what a shame.” he said with a sarcastic tone.

“rafe, i mean it.” you smiled.

“i know.” he chuckled faintly, clearly enjoying this, he acted as if he was going to loosen his grip, but instead, he pulled your hips against him more, bringing you right up against his chest before speaking again. “but you still haven't actually stopped me, y'know"

you giggled. “i know.”

he moved his hands up from your hips to your waist, his hands resting there now. “good, so I don't have to stop, right?"

you sigh at the feeling of your hips together. “i don’t know, babe.”

he took note of how you seemed to relax slightly as you were against him, his hands on your waist rubbing gently over your skin now. his tone low as he spoke. “you know, we can still be quiet, right?”

“if my parents know that you’re here they’re gonna kill me.”

he pulled your hair away from your neck to have more access to it. “maybe you just have to keep quiet then, huh? think you can be quiet for me?” he kissed your neck.

“i’ll try.”

he smirked and started sucking softly on a spot of your neck, his hands gently rubbing down your waist and sides in a slow, soft motion.

he pulled your hips flush with his again, now having you pretty much straddling him, his hips gently rolling as he continued sucking on your neck.

“could you touch me?” you sighed.

he continued sucking on your neck for a few more seconds before slowly pulling back, his lips now hovering by your ear as he spoke in a low tone, his hands still rubbing at your sides. “touch you where, baby?"

“rafe, baby, come on.” you said frustrated.

he chuckled again faintly, enjoying how desperate you were getting. he kept his face by your ear, his hands still rubbing you gently, his voice still low and cocky as he spoke. “mmm, you need to use your words, baby... I need to know exactly what you want me to touch"

“you know where..” you were cut off by a knock on your door.

he chuckled again as you spoke before the sharp knock at the door startled both of you. He paused his hands for a minute, a silent dread of being caught hitting him as he whispered low to you. “fuck, that better not be your parents."

“who else would it be, rafe?” you frown at him.

“yeah okay, my bad” he rolled his eyes. “what do i do?”

“sshh” you silent him, the door knocked again. “hey baby are you alright?” your mom said.

both of your eyes widened as you heard your mother's voice.

“oh- yes, mom!”

"Are you sure you’re alright sweetie, I heard some noises.. What are you doing in there?"

“i’m- watching a movie.”

"Honey, you sure you’re okay… Why can’t I come in?” your mom was trying to open the door.

“oh my god, oh my god, rafe! get under the bed, now!” your were about to lose your mind.

he sighed, knowing he had no other choice here and there was nowhere else to hide. he gently pushed you off of him, crawling to the side of the bed, trying to duck under there. “okay, okay, i’m going, i’m going..”

“i’m sorry mom! im coming!” you stand up and open the door. “sooo, what’s wrong, mom?” you smile softly trying to keep calm.

your mom responded, her tone still suspicious sounding. “you were so reluctant to let me in before, it sounded like you were doing something you didn’t want me to see."

“pfff come on, mom! what would i be doing?”

“i’m gonna check your room, okay? let me in.”

“do you really think is necessary? come on.” you heard your dad calling from their room. “see mom? even dad wants you there! go to bed, i promise you im fine”

your mom let out a soft sigh, clearly not wanting to stop her search, but being called by your father.

“alright, alright, fine… I’ll call it a night, sweetie, but, I want no funny business in here, alright?”

your laughed. “alright mom, night!” you sighed and locked your door.

he heard the footsteps fade down the hall and the soft click of the door closing. he let out a soft sigh of relief, crawling back out from underneath the bed, stretching and standing up straight again.

“oh my god, rafe.” you left out air with a laugh.

he chuckled as she breathed out, finding it amusing how close a call that just was. “that was a close one, baby, but you were convincing, I’ll give you that..”

“oh god, i almost passed out.” you collapsed in your bed.

you laughed and sit in your bed. “baby, you gotta go.”

he laughed at your response, knowing he should leave right now. “alright, I should probably go before I get caught leaving… but you looked so damn cute tonight…”

you get up from your bed and wrapped your arms around his neck. “i love you.”

he smiled, wrapping his arms around your body, pulling you closer to him, his tone soft as he spoke. “i love you too, baby… I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

“alright, be safe.” you gave him a kiss.

he chuckled faintly, kissing you back. “i will, baby… you get some sleep, alright? You seem pretty worn out..”

“okay, rafe, get ooout!” you laughed.

“alright, I’m going, I’m going..” he slowly untangled himself from your arms, giving you one last quick kiss on your lips before heading to the window.

you smiled after he left, and you let yourself fall into your bed with a sigh.

[snzunii]

note: sooo, this is the third part haha i'm thinking if i should make this to a full blown long one shot? but anyway, 18+ only please <3 ( read part two here )

you didn't really ask satoru what he meant by that. for one, you know he’s just fucking with you. he doesn't really mean that.

…right?

but why was he at your doorstep at two in the morning, with hands in his pockets, staring at you, waiting for you to let him in.

“i have a crazy idea.”

“what?” you raise your brows, not having any clue what he meant by that ‘crazy idea’. you don't even know why your heart was pounding like it wants to be let out of your chest, like he’s going say something so diabolical, so unthinkable—

“friends with benefits, you up with that?”

what in the actual fuck?

“are you fucking with me right now? it’s two am, we still have morning classes—”

except, he didn't let you finish. the second you knew you were up against your door, with his hands around your waist, his lips pressed onto yours.

he pulls away with a grin on his face and you glare at him all the while catching your breath. “what the fuck, satoru?”

you think he’s crazy, and he’s bored out of his mind. that’s why he’s playing with you. he’s not scoring nowadays, that's why you're his target. you’re better than this, you thought.

but why are you letting him kiss you, pick you up—you even wrapped your legs around his waist, and let him lead you to your bedroom? it’s crazy. you’re crazy but you think it’s a good but crazy idea.

you think it’s not about getting back at ryomen anymore.

it’s just that he’s that good. satoru’s that good. goddamn, maybe that’s why he’s got girls every week? nobody's this good, right? but he is. he fucking is.

“fuck,” kiss, “you’re” kiss “crazy.”

satoru lets a throaty laugh out and you feel like you’re losing your mind. why does he have to be like this? 

what does this mean for your friendship? does this mean you’re saying yes? yes. you’re saying yes.

we weren't even that close anyway.

you weren't even that close, right—he annoyed you so much that you’re letting him kiss you right now, your lips are probably red and plump from his wet, sloppy kisses. your panties probably drenched from the way he was groping your tits from under your shirt, he was so needy, so desperate.

you weren't even that close that you’re letting him see you like this, legs sprawled, his hands gripping your thighs as you let him eat your pussy out like he’s been deprived of cunt his whole life. like eating your pussy was some kind of heaven for him, doesn't matter that you're gripping his white hair tight in between your fingers, like you’re holding for your dear life—moaning his name..

“say that again.” he stops, he looks up at you with his lips glistening from the slick of your cunt. 

“w-what?”

“you called me that.”

“t-toru?” you can see how his eyes gleamed with eagerness. he wanted to hear you say that nickname so much over and over again that he laps your pussy folds, his tongue flat on your cunt, moving up to suck your swollen clit. 

fuck yes, he could do this forever.

he thinks it’s safe to say that your friendship is probably ruined. but damn, this is a good way to ruin it.

[once-in-a-half-life]

some new half life doodles

oh and also a ton of selfship / oc x canon doodles with gman under the cut, that i've done over the year lol

[boxeom]

DA: Veilguard (MAJOR SPOILERS)

Just realized something now that I'm on my second run of the game...

When Rook and Solas meet in the Fade prison after the ritual is stopped, Rook brings up Varric- and Solas has an immediate reaction to it that I didn't look much further into my first time playing.

Rook then goes on to say that Varric was "hurt".

I really have to give credit to the VA, writing, and animation of this scene. Solas interjects quickly; "Varric is-". You can hear his sorrow, regret, and frustration for killing Varric for just a moment. His body language is quite honest in this scene. Very flustered, just as panicked as Rook. For just a moment, he's Solas. He's sensitive, wounded, and exposed.

Then, in such a short span of time- only taking a second or two to realize that Rook doesn't know he killed Varric- Solas trails off. He looks to the side in thought. You can literally SEE the gears in his head moving.

His expression almost relaxes- it hardens. You can see the tension in his shoulders loosen just a bit. It's like we see his mask that is the Dread Wolf return. He has an opportunity here, and he intends on acting on it no matter what.

He focuses, he stares at Rook, and his tone becomes much more even. He seems less panicked than he did before. The animation here is just absolutely beautiful to me. Once you know what Solas truly does to Rook, you can see it in his eyes. That sharpness and cunning that the Dread Wolf possesses comes through in this moment. It's super fucking cool to actually see Solas conjuring his tricks in real time.

That is the face of a mf who knows what he has to do. I interpret this expression as one that starts to see Rook as just that; a rook on his board of chess against Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain rather than the gigantic thorn in his side he originally thought of them as. He comes to terms with the fact that he'll use blood magic in a matter of seconds. You can see that he knows he'll regret it, but (as always) his drive to finish what he started outweighs anything else in the end. It's all so damn subtle and it speaks to Solas' character on so many levels it makes me want to throw him off a cliff and give him a gold star at the same time.

(Screenshots courtesy of Backseat Guides on YT: )

[foodtruckery]

Okay noncon thoughts about ford forcing himself onto fem!stan after the science fair incident, it isn't more so intentional but in an act of rage, it's rough and merciless, with hard thrusts. Fem! Stan initially attempts to fights it off at first but later just gives in it as it would be useless and she technically "deserves this" or whatever lie she makes up to comfort herself in the moment

Cue the post nut clarity hits and stanford is either a) deeply disgusted/horrified at himself and regrets it immensely, after all, no matter what- that's still his little sister or b) literally does not regret it at all and is finally glad he could be open about his desire for fem!stan

(Please ignore or delete this ask, if you aren't comfortable with noncon aaaa, I'm so sorry if this was unwanted)

hello anon! not uncomfortable with noncon, so no worries there, but i appreciate you checking! but! lol i will say that i do tend to be picky about the noncon stuff i consume and enjoy, and it's usually one of those things that has to be "right situation at the right time." and in typical me fashion, i uh. managed to talk my way into it! putting the rest of this rambling below a cut for anyone who is sensitive to this topic! <3

all of THAT being said, if we're looking at a scenario where we do get ford who kinda loses it, seeing red and wanting to put stan in her place, i think it's a lot more interesting if it's NOT the first time these feelings are out in the open. let's say, instead, that they've already crossed that line with each other. so at first, it isn't anything usual even. getting ford annoyed and riled up enough to want to be rougher than normal, pull out a little more of that possessive streak of his -- that's something stan's gotten good at. so that's what this must be, right? they're gonna fight about it and then they're gonna fuck about it, and then they're gonna get over it.

except ford is a lot angrier than usual. angrier than when she sneaks back in after curfew with with a new hickey and won't tell him who gave it to her, angrier than when she disappears halfway through a saturday shift in the shop and makes ford finish restocking by himself, angrier than the time ford had to come and pick her up from a bar she'd snuck into but got too drunk to make it home by herself -- angrier than she's ever actually seen him, maybe.

that's probably fine tho, right? she likes it when ford wants to manhandle her a bit, and when he gets worked up enough to growl the kinda lewd shit against her neck that's just a sexy cover for the fact that he gets jealous or worried. but he isn't saying anything now, actually, and it's kinda weird, the silence. they've stopped arguing and his hands are in all the places she usually likes, but the anxious anger from the fight isn't dissipating into lust and want like it usually does. ford isn't grinding his knuckles against her clit through her clothes and chewing on her ear in the way that that usually redirects all that energy into something to better spend it on. he's gripping too hard, being too pushy, and none of it actually feels good like it should. when she actually loses buttons off her goddamn shirt for how hard he tries to yank it open, she snaps at him, "jesus christ, stanford, at least try to be careful, will ya?"

and she's not at all prepared for how actually fucking angry and, worse, how cold he sounds when he responds. "like how you were careful with my project? shut the fuck up."

and suddenly this isn't about fucking it out, and it's not about letting off a little steam. and when when she goes to shove him, ford is. a lot heavier than she'd realized, actually. he doesn't rock easily back like she ususally does when she pushes him, and his grip is hard enough to bruise when he shoves her down. and it hadn't ever really occurred to stan before then that ford just...let her push him around when they were scuffling. that his time being forced into boxing lessons by their pa actually meant something on her scrawny nerd brother.

suddenly ford is threatening.

and suddenly she's afraid of him.

and stan is used to that feeling of fight or flight surging through her. usually through a her fist into some loser's face. but she's not at all used to feeling that way with ford. especially not like this, underneath him. and he's suddenly heavy and huge in ways that had always been nice and good. but they're not anymore, and it's the first time stan has ever felt the rush of fight or flight and just....frozen instead.

he doesn't even take her panties off, just yanks them to the side. and she knows she's liked that before, found it really hot even, but now all she can feel is how hard the material is cutting into her hips and thighs and how wet she isn't. and some of the fight does kick in, finally, when he pulls his dick out and she realizes, holy shit, she doesn't want this to happen. but he's already got her at a fucked up angle, crushed down against the mattress, out of reach of anything on the nightstand, the width of him pressing her thighs too far apart to get enough leverage to knee him as hard as she tries to.

that just makes him angrier, anyway, and she yelps when he grabs her by the thigh so hard she knows she's going to have six finger shaped bruises for days afterwards.

"shut up!" he hisses again, squeezing the already sore spots on her leg hard enough that she flinches and tries to jerk away, but the mattress doesn't give her any leeway -- it just dips and reshapes to support her exactly where she's at. "if anyone comes up here, i'll tell them you came on to me to try and make up for what you did. it is the least you could fucking do, after all."

and he's....right? she thinks? ford's the golden child, the eldest son, and she's always been too loud, too stupid, too shamelss, too fat, too her. they'd believe him. and maybe....maybe she does, too? this is how they've been handling all their fights, lately. most of them fights that she starts on purpose to get goad ford into fucking her. so....so maybe that is on her? for setting the precedent?

it all hurts, but maybe she deserves that, too.

there's a shitty little sketch of a sailboat on one of the wood slats holding ford's bed up above hers. it almost looks like it's the one moving.

after, ford climbs off of her, and the sailboat stops moving. she hears him cleaning himself up and getting changed, and she flinches when he climbs the ladder to his bed. but she doesn't peel herself off the sheets until she recognizes the slow, even cadence of his breaths from overhead that suggest he's fallen asleep.

it's probably the quietest she's ever moved around their room. usually, she doesn't care if ford hears her shuffling around. usually, she's hoping he'll notice.

now, she's careful not to make any noise at all. it's dark, which she appreciates when she's stripping out of her ruined shirt and stretched panties, but it means she doesn't know what she's grabbing to throw on instead. she doesn't really care as long as she's dressed again as quickly as possible, but she is grateful to find a sweater and jeans to pull on. nothing else she grabs out of the dresser gets a second glance, though. clothes just get pushed as quickly and as quietly as she can manage into the bottom of her bookbag, and she doesn't risk making additional noise by closing the drawers back up.

ford's bed squeaks, just once, when he shifts in his sleep, and stan nearly throws up on the carpet, gripping her bag so tightly it makes her hands hurt. the door is only a few steps away, but it feels like it takes forever to get there. the soft clicking of the handle have her heart in her throat, but ford doesn't move again, and the hall is silent when she slips out of his room. her shoes and her keys are downstairs, which is good, they'll be easy to grab. she wants desperately to shower. she wants to use all the hot water their ancient water heater can provide and then some. but she thinks that even if she could get it to spit out boiling water, it wouldn't be enough. she also thinks that if she goes into the hall bathroom now and closes the door, that she's going to fall apart, and she can't do that. not yet. instead, she sneaks downstairs the way she always has, skipping the creaky fourth step, dodging the table of tibetan singing bowls Ma uses for "ambiance." she doesn't even lace her shoes, just shoves her feet into the sneakers and grips her keys in a clenched fist to keep them from jangling. she feels the metal teeth digging into her palm and clenches harder. she doesn't breathe until she's behind the locked door of the El Diablo and three, going on four, five, six blocks up the street. she'll find a parking lot to pull into later, when she's out of town and can't keep the wheel straight anymore. she'll lose it there. she'll cry until she has to stumble out of the car and throw up, and she'll bloody her knuckles punching asphalt.

but for now she keeps a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel and drives and refuses to look when she passes the beach.

[jsprnt]

your new boyfriend gets familiar with how your period affects your life

kenan yıldız x fem!reader

A/N: very important topic this one, based off real life experiences and research. please, if you are experiencing any of the heavy symptoms described, I urge you to seek professional medical attention/advice if you are able to!! based off of this request, thank you 💓

W/C: 1.928

red, it was absolutely everywhere when you woke up this morning.

on your sheets, the comforter, and, of course, a huge bloody stain on your favorite pajamas.

in your sleepy daze you thought you'd been murdered in your sleep, and your soul was looking at the aftermath of your bloody death.

though, with a sharp pain searing down your lower belly to your legs. you'd been notified of mother nature doing her periodic appearance in your life.

your period.

the word alone made you groan.

although at the end of the day, you were glad your body was healthy enough to actually have a period. there was a long list of reasons you of why dreaded shark week.

from expensive sanitary products, to the extra laundry you had to do, to the most inconvenient of all-

bloody cramps..

every time, you didn't fail to convince yourself a little devil was in your womb, poking at prodding at its walls.

it was only a matter of health issues, that made your cramps extra painful.

everyone close to you knew about it. you were lucky enough to have an environment that understood and helped you out when you desperately needed it.

though, you had recently started dating kenan, who knew absolutely nothing about the way your menstrual cycle worked.

of course, he wasn't an ignorant piece of trash. he knew the basics everyone should have been taught in biology class.

how a cycle works, and what happens in every different part of it.

he knew of the cramps that came with a period, but had never seen anything close to what you would experience every first day of your period. 

maybe, that's why you freeze up when you open your front door. peaking your head out, fully expecting the delivery driver to bring you the new shoes you had ordered earlier this week.

no, it most definitely isn't the delivery driver- it is your boyfriend. who had to show up at the most random time- without notifying you beforehand. while you stand behind the door in a bloody outfit like you'd just committed a sinister murder.

"hey, baby! I missed you.."

the words fly out of kenan's mouth. his dimples showing as he flashes you a giddy smile, before he comes barging in.

when he starts pushing the door open slowly. you back up, hiding behind the door.

a chuckle leaves his mouth, as he thinks you’re teasing him. so in return, he grabs the door handle, practically slamming it closed behind him as you make weary eye contact with him. leaving you standing there like you had a stick up your ass.

fuck, the cramps were killing you..

you watch kenan frown at your lack of enthusiasm. you're certain he'd just finished his morning run, as he's dressed in his sweatpants and a hoodie.

he looks so cuddly and soft. if it weren't for the bloody pants, and the painful storm in your lower belly, you would just cling onto him and never let go.

"uh- sweetheart? you okay?" he questions, stepping closer to you. his hands reach for you, his eyes raking up and down your morning face.

"I'm fine, just woke up!" you squeak, eyes widening as you hold your hand out to stop him from moving any closer.

having a period was the most normal thing on planet earth, but the bloody stains on you made you feel incredibly uncomfortable.

"I'm on my period- and there's blood everywhere. I thought you were the delivery guy, so I opened the door thinking it would be a quick package. but- you're here now, I guess.."

you blurt out the words in one deep breath, ending your sentence with a questioning tone.

looking up at kenan, you watch his brows go up in realization, the warmth in his eyes returning in a gentle understanding of your frenzied behavior.

"why didn't you say so, baby? I'm a grown man, don't have to tippy-toe around you being on your period with me.."

he says, reaching over to fix your bedhead a little, his eyes exuding worry and concern.

"I know- I know.." you say, waving him off.

"I guess, I'm just a little- shy about- all of the blood.." you swallow, clenching your thighs together.

you watch your boyfriend’s eyes dart down your pants. he does grimace a little when he notices the bloodstains.

"no need to be shy. I want you to be comfortable around me, our relationship is too important to me. I'd never want you to hide your pain or hurt.."

maybe it was the hormones, but the words sent a straight warmth to your heart. though, seems like you felt it in your womb with how much it was starting to cramp.

"are you well enough to take a shower?" he questions, frowning at the slight way you're clenching onto your lower belly.

you meet his brown eyes, nodding.

"yeah, just- give me a couple of minutes.."

he nods, before watching you wobble away with small steps.

kenan runs his hands through his brown hair when you're gone. sighing as he makes mental preparations on how to proceed further with the situation.

first, he decides to wash the outside germs off his hands. heading towards the kitchen sink, he washes his hands thoroughly before making his way to your bedroom.

he grimaces at the sight of the bloody mess on the bed. rushing to change the bedsheets for you.

the man was a football player, and with the bloody injuries they would get into, this was absolutely nothing crazy to him.

thanking his mom mentally for teaching him how to do laundry, he smiles when he gets the laundry machine to work.

he's done by the moment you come out of the shower, quickly having changed into the clothes he'd put on the bathroom counter.

"feeling better?" kenan questions, opening his arms to meet you in a comforting hug.

you sigh when you press your face into his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist.

"hurts so much.." you pout, barely able to contain yourself from screaming in pain.

a soft sound of worry leaves kenan's mouth, and he doesn't hesitate to pick you up and place you on your clean bed.

"you changed my bedding?" you question through a painful groan.

"mhm, I did. but, that doesn't matter right now. how much does it hurt on a scale of one to ten, baby?" he asks, hands running up and down your thigh, eyes focused on your face.

"like- seven right now. I just have horrible cramps every time, especially the first day. I've been to the doctor lots of times, but they just can't find a reason as to why it hurts so bad.."

tears start pooling at your lower lashline. both of helplessness and pain making you crumble right in front of your concerned boyfriend. your body goes rigid as cramps tingle down your back and upper thighs.

"I'm so sorry about that, baby. how can I help you? anything specific I can do?" kenan's voice is as soft as ever, his hand reaching to cup your cheek.

"nothing helps.." you begin to explain, sniffling.

"It's so bad- I faint almost every time. I took a painkiller already, and it's not helping..”

sweat starts appearing on your forehead, and pained groans start leaving your mouth. you bite your bottom lip to contain the noises, but your eyes water as you throw your head back.

"fuck, baby.." your boyfriend curses in helplessness. his hands reach down your belly, and he watches your nod in consent- before he rubs up and down your lower belly.

"it'll be okay, just breathe in and out, princess..”

he knows his words alone won't make the pain go away. but he's so desperate for the pain to stop, so he keeps trying to talk to you, soothe you with his words, and the hands rubbing up and down the places that hurt the most.

opening your eyes, you look at him with tears running down your face. with a shocking move, you grab onto his arm, digging your nails into his flesh.

"woah, baby.. hey-" noticing the change in your demeanor, he lets you squeeze and grip onto him as tight as possible.

"it hurts so much- I.." you pause as a wave of nausea and dizziness hits you. your head falling forward, as you take in a sharp breath.

that is his last straw.

he can't take seeing you in so much pain, that you're on the verge of fainting..

it breaks his heart into pieces. the very heart that started beating for only you the night he fell in love with you.

"enough. I can't watch you literally pass out from pain."

you don't even protest, knowing that this time, you really couldn't stand the pain anymore.

"we're going to the hospital now. I'd be a monster if I let you suffer any longer. give me a second.."

he pressed a reassuring and gentle kiss on your throat, before getting off your bed.

you squirm in pain on the bed, trying to regulate your breathing. the stabbing pain worsening by the second.

kenan quickly collects your phone, car keys, and necessary id card, before coming back and scooping you up from the couch.

you can feel your body tingle from pain, and you grab onto kenan's sleeve as another wave of cramps hit.

"hurts so much. make it stop, please.." you sniffle, begging for some relief, wanting to scream and cry- but even that took too much energy from you.

"I know, baby. I know, we're going to the hospital- it hurts a lot, but stay awake for me. hm? I'm going to get you some help, honey.."

you clench your teeth the entire drive to the hospital, sweating bullets as you scream out from pain on the hospital bed.

"it's okay, you're fine- I'm here. It's going to stop, just let the meds kick in, baby.."

kenan tries to say every comforting thing he can think of. his heart beating faster in the heat of the moment.

you look up at the iv hanging above your head. clenching your teeth together as you mentally pray for the liquid medication to work as fast as possible.

"did you see the doctor? didn't you want to dye your hair the same color?.."

a distraction could help, kenan thinks- so he blurts the words out before second-guessing himself.

your jaw clenches at the seemingly stupid question, but the off-topic conversation manages to distract you from your cramps for a few minutes- until your eyelids become incredibly heavy all of a sudden.

"I'm sleepy." you mumble, your grip on kenan's bigger, rougher hand loosening. the meds had kicked in faster than you thought, causing a wave of exhaustion to hit you.

"that's okay, sweetheart. take a little nap. I'll be right here when you wake up." kenan speaks, a relieved sigh leaving his lips as he nods at you.

with an exhausted nod, and free from the aches and pains in your body- the last thing you can register is the adjustment of the blanket on your body. 

not to mention- the sweet kisses placed on the dried tears on your cheeks, before you drift off the sleep.

just like he promised, kenan is right there when you wake up, pain-free.

only, this time with a takeout bag of your favorite food.

oh, how he was the most loveable man on earth.

and he was all yours too...

[logmore]

hello logmore! silly question but i was curious about your thoughts on like a dragon: infinite wealth so far. you mentioned being bored by the first few chapters (fair) so i’m curious what your impression is now that you’ve played more of it. i wish sega was a bit more transparent about the development of the yakuza games because im kind of fascinated by some of the decisions they made in this one

I finished the game last night so I can reply now. I will talk about Infinite Wealth spoilers here:

Things I like:

Combat: Just Yakuza 7 combat but fleshed out, which is perfect. Being able to position your character is great, the team chain attacks and weapon attacks and stuff are fun to set up. The one flaw with it is that it does not interact with Kiryu very well, and by the end I was actually doing less damage with Kiryu if I got a tag team or weapon attack instead of a basic Brawler attack.

Classes: There were a lot of classes I ignored in 7 because they just weren't doing anything; it was just better to leave Joongi, Zhao, and Eri as their defaults and go to town. I think 8 has an improved skill inheritance system that made it more worthwhile to try out different classes, so by the end I switched every character away from their base class. Desperado and Aquanaut stood out as being very flexible and fun.

Kiryu: Technically this is an Ichiban game, but its more of a send-off to Kiryu than anything. I like how there was a ton of content dedicated to Kiryu revisiting characters from the past games, delivered in a way that I still liked it even though I only played 0 and 1. I thought the way they introduced leveling up his stances + gaining the ability to go beat-em-up mode was pretty clever. I also liked equipping him with gear that gave him buffs every turn so he could tear enemies apart like King's Hawaiian rolls.

Yamai: They knew what they were cooking here. You have to fight this guy like 4 times and I enjoyed it every time. He's cool, he looks cool, even the main characters say he is cool, and if he isn't playable in Yakuza 9 I'm gonna be astounded.

Things I don't:

Slow start: The first chapter got me pretty invested, but after Ichiban goes to Hawaii the story is a fucking slog for like 15 hours. I got so bored I stopped playing, and when I came back it finally picked up again.

Side content that I wasn't ever going to do: This is the reason the start of the story is so slow. I'm sure Dondoko Island and Crazy UberEats and all that is fun, but it isn't the type of thing I'm playing these games for, and when so much time in the story is spent ramping up all these side games to play, I just feel like I'm wasting my time. Next game might as well have a Virtua Fighter 6 tournament in the middle of it, why not?

Villains: Bryce and Ebina are just lame characters. This is a game with essentially 2 final bosses, but neither of them have the emotional core or the weight of the bosses from 7. Bryce is literally just 'a weird guy shows up', and while I understand what they were going for with Ebina, his goals seem so disconnected from what the protagonists are experiencing that him taking his shirt off and fighting Kiryu doesn't feel like a real climax. Getting Danny Trejo on board was a pretty inspired choice, but you fight Dwight so early that it framed him as a weakling that didn't matter. And he keeps coming back, in spite of that! There were a few showdowns in 7 where it felt high stakes/intense, but in 8 they had to bust out Sawashiro again to capture that.

Managing 2 parties at the same time: On one hand its cool because it means I get to use every party member, but I wish they bumped up the XP of whatever party you weren't playing, so that when you switched between them they were both at the same level. There were a couple of points where I had to grind because the difficulty of the content was scaling based on what my previous party had left off at, so I needed to get my current party to that level first. I also had to spend a lot of time doing the dungeons to get the materials for weapon upgrades on 9 characters. Just kind of time consuming, but it isn't the worst thing in the world.

Tatara Channel: Its dumb, but this is the only thing in the game that actually made me mad. The social media aspect of the story already feels dated in a way, and I don't care about Vtubers to begin with, but the thing that actually got me upset about this shit is that all the Tatara Channel scenes are just story recaps with unskippable dialog where something relevant MIGHT happen at the end. At one point I got tired of it and just skipped the cutscene, and then all of the sudden Kiryu is in front of Tojo HQ ready to fight. I hope they never deliver a plot in this way ever again

Even though I wrote more negative things than positive things, I still liked this game a lot. 7 is a way better story, but I think Ichiban and Kiryu are just too strong of protagonists to truly hate on the story, even if a lot of things surrounding it are dumb. I'm looking forward to playing pirates with Majima, and I will wish on a genie's lamp for Yamai to come back as a playable berserker-type character

[cipheramnesia]

They're not fun to shop at. They aren't even fun to get to, surrounded by miles of low speed roads, far from their customers, chances are good you have to budget thirty minutes for travel, minimum, longer for a bus. Ride or park, no matter what you get a long walk into a looming gray edifice, wreathed in broken asphalt, overflowing trashcans, and tired people everywhere. It's every ominous portent of cold war propaganda against the USSR, hidden behind blue paint and white block lettering. The sun is somehow always going down behind it.

It's physically painful just breathing the air inside, and their fluorescent lights make it feel as if it's overcast indoors. Inside a WalMart or a Target feels like you're constantly about to get a headache. Another hour of time vanishes the second you walk inside. When did you go there? It doesn't matter, the sun is always setting.

The aisles are so long! There's so much stuff! And it's... all the same stuff. The aisles aren't accommodating variety, they're so you can have 30 different coffee brands, a hundred different shampoos, a dozen colors of energy drink. Your life slowly trickles away while you try and figure out if a dollar a pound or a buck fifty per 10 grams is cheaper overall. Next week it'll be different prices and you have to do it again. You look at three different brightly colored packages of butter and buy the cheapest one anyway because that's what you're in there for. Walk through the clothes, because you're tired of having just ten shirts, and forty-five minutes later you find one sort of okay graphic t-shirt and you can't spend the $25 on it anyway, because people gotta eat here. Everything is a hundred feet away from every other thing you need, you're fucked if you're even a little disabled. You can stare at expensive appliances you can't afford, a hundred different frying pans you just kinda want for no reason, a $600 vacuum cleaner and the damnable thing over all of it is that I know for a fact those all come outta the same factories and use the exact same six colors and flavors. Not in a grouchy old person way, in that it's my profession, it means I'm constantly aware this football field packed with billions of brands is a single monolith with an illusion that's nothing more than the repeating pattern on the wallpaper in an old toilet stall of a hotel room that inexplicably feels like home. And the sun is setting anyway.

It's monstrous, a grinding wheel showing you what you could have, if you just paid more for something that's going to fall apart in six months. So you finish spending most of your paycheck at the registers, go outside for the long walk across the parking lot, the sun is setting, it's over and all you want to do is lie down and sleep.

I wonder how much of the deep down dread and unhappiness of the giant WalMart type stores is familiar outside the USA. Other places gotta have this too right?

[kandadze]

Ep 28 loose thoughts

I'm glad for the lighthearted opening, because I know it'll just go downhill from here. Also, PSJ lumped with the men while ZYZ gets to annoy them from the distance is peak comedy. Again, I'm pretty sure we'll need all the laughs we can get.

Also, this is purely from an aesthetic point of view, and seeing ZYC out of his usual deep blues, grays and indigos was jarring, to say the least. The sandy beige does not compliment his porcelain complexion at all... unless they were going for this washed-out, weary look specifically, in which case, A+ (and boy, does he have reasons to be weary lol). Bonus: Ying Lei and PSJ knowing exactly why he's calling ZYC a bastard 😂

"Next time, please finish your words in one go." Where's the fun in that though, ZYZ? You walked right into that one all by yourself 🤣

Of course Li Lun's way of "asking" for the scale was to threaten its owner with death. I'm afraid he hasn't learned anything... pity, really. I would love for him to have *some* sort of character growth.

Wow, ain't she miss popular all of a sudden! Is the Chongwu Camp guy gonna help LL to save Bai Jiu's body, or is he gonna go with his boss's orders after all? And of course the boss has *something* on the princess - I refuse to believe that his repulsive ass is Meng Xuan.

What's with that look, LL? Did you forget that the 3-face-mask - what's his name again? Wen something? - is after ZYZ's inner core? Did you think he was gonna stop trying to get it when you backed out of your deal? (Unless he's more like, welp, there goes my chance to get rid of the  poison...)

The whole "why do we need the scale" sequence is sending me. Ying Lei: she's so good at making up stories! ZYC: she probably got that from one of her novels. YL: I was not allowed to read erotica!!! 🤣 Meanwhile, in the distance, WX: let me spin this even harder, for maximum effect. ZYZ: 😲😱🤯😵‍💫🫡 YL: 🤢

But of course, the show will not let us forget that the success rate of interspecies romance in this universe is exactly zilch, nada, and zippo... and here I am, still holding onto hope for some kind of satisfactory ending. Oof, the way WX went "you owe me a life" so matter-of-factly... give me more female characters with a backbone of steel!

Omg can I just barf. Wen Zongyu *is* Meng Xuan? Is it just me who finds the taste of the Wilderness women we've seen so far shacking up with humans - Bai Jiu's mom and now the princess -  highly questionable? Like, why. My aroace ass cannot conceive how the princess could fall for *that* guy, of all people. I've sat through all the tragic romances so far not quite understanding maybe, but believing in all of them, but this, no.

(Also, it is now confirmed, that little bridge is like a tourist attraction for lovers, only every couple who sat on it is doomed. You should've played with your sparklers at the dock, ZYZ, WX!)

Oh wait hold up? Meng Xuan is someone WZY knew? He pretended to be him? Oh for fuck's sake! But the woman the princess poisoned *was* WZY's wife, right? And WX's dad and WZY knew each other??? This is so confusing ffs

"An innocent person's only crime is to own something valuable." "People with a treasure are always surrounded by bad wolves and cunning foxes. In most cases, in order to protect the treasure, they become a bloodthirsty beast, too." "It's a choice. She could choose not to." Love this whole convo on innocence and how it can get twisted, and ZYC restating his values. (I also get distracted by his eyelashes, like, constantly. 😅)

Oh, is WX going for the jugular. (And it appears only ZYC knew about the princess killing WX's dad. When did he find out, I wonder.) Also, hello? The *triple* murderer gets to make a request? For ZYZ's inner core, nonetheless??? I mean, I know why she's asking for that specifically - Chongwu Camp lackey did get to her first, after all - but that's not how "paying back" works, lady.

ZYZ, you just promised ZYC that you won't seek death, and then not only do you risk your life for him almost immediately after, now you're back on your self-sacrificial bs??? I swear, ZYC's patience for this demon. And his love, too. "Keep your inner core. I won't exchange it for anything, not even the Cloud Light Sword." Ahhh my heart.

Did he really pull a demonic equivalent of "my body, my choice"??? ::dies:: and then he goes, you don't want to make that choice, I'll make it for you. I immediately flashed back to Ying Long making the decision for Bingyi, oh no 😭

Awwww goddamnit everyone (not you WX, you're on the right side here), stop making ZYC sad! He cares for all of you, stop forcing him to make impossible choices! (You can tell I'm really invested when I start talking directly to the characters lol) In a way I understand why Ying Lei and PSJ would choose Xiao Jiu over ZYZ. YL's grandpa's death is no doubt still fresh on his mind, and even though in a way he seems to be going against his grandpa's final act of love, it's also a sort of "life for life" reasoning. For PSJ, even if her views of demons shifted since we first met her, Xiao Jiu is first and foremost a kid who reminds her of her brother. So I understand where they might be coming from, and I still don't like that ZYC has to deal with his found family fracturing before his very eyes.

Goddamnit, Ying Lei's projecting his own wish for being special and chosen. Makes sense, our underappreciated comic relief might not be expressing it much but we've been shown his constant vying for attention and validation (especially from ZYC and XJ) often enough. Headpats my dear boy, you *are* special. You are also, however, using emotional blackmail to sway ZYC, and I don't like that.

Ah, PSJ, back to annoying tf out of me. "Not 'we.' Just you and Zhuo Yichen" is it now? Damn it, this show just keeps finding ways to make my heart hurt. Don't break up the family!!! Not like this! You tell them, ZYC! (ZYZ's face when ZYC in essence said, over my dead body!)

............

Remember folks this is me yelling into my notepad as I'm watching bit by bit. At this point I had to stop because I reached my limit and at the same time had a terrible thought that this is another illusion. Because no way in hell did I just watch them-  Draw. Weapons. On. ZYC???!!!

This can't be real. ZYZ, stop this nonsense!

....... I hate it here.

Okay, before I go any further, I *know* from the MV and the trailer that whatever the fuck just happened can't be real. But they better have a *very* good explanation because my poor heart pretty much stopped for a moment.

So they got the scale. Yippie.

What was the point of all of this if she dgaf for the letter? Please get them both off of my screen, he's a fucking monster and she has no taste, and I dgaf for their tragic story (barf). I think this is the first time I got seriously annoyed while watching this drama, which, considering we're on ep 28, is a feat in itself.

How tf did he recognize PSJ's arrow? Can he tell it's hers by its trajectory? I guess he's just naturally brilliant at everything killing related?

OMG ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, DRAMA. We were told earlier that the fish can communicate with Longyu! And they gave us a shot of fish in that pond they were all standing at! They even showed us WX holding up something before the "break-up" started - I just didn't realize it was her "notebook"... So everyone was acting??? But there was no way ZYC could've read her notes, so was he the only one who wasn't??? 😭 You mofos, how dare you put him through stress like that!!!

"Go away." "Okay." Someone's sleeping on a couch tonight... From the music in the background I know we're supposed to find this reveal funny, the *four* of them definitely do (while laughing at him), and I just keep thinking of what it must've felt like to him. Isn't his biggest fear losing his loved ones? Whether by death or by a difference in thought, which changes love into hate? (Stil not over that little speech on love vs hate XJ's mom gave several eps back!) Even if it was a ruse, for him it was real. In short, ZYC my man, I applaud you for your restraint; I would've blasted the lot with some ice by now.

Oof another reveal. Will the asshole care? I doubt it. ZYZ's hand on WX's shoulder because of course she's gonna blame herself. Aaaand I was right, the asshole doesn't care... can someone just shoot him for me, please.

Wow, ZYZ, you little attention whore. And again they're giving us the "you can't choose your origin, but you can choose your own life," just as they're marching us towards the inevitable end. Nooo, not the leaves speech! Seriously, the amount of beautiful, soul-crushing lines in this drama! Aaaand he just said the title. The dream will end, we will wake up, we'll go back to reality. But we'll remember the dream forever... I feel like WX is expressing our hopes for a different ending, and ZYZ is confirming our fears that it can't be changed. Goddamnit.

And then she goes, let's live together, even though there's definitely something wrong going on with her??? Thanks for the forehead touch, drama, I'm a sucker for those.

Aw LL, you sad little demon possessing a dying child's body. I find it fascinating how different his cave looks now, almost ethereal with all the flowers and floating lights, while he's decaying (not to mention all the raw meat he's been consuming).

ZYC changed clothes, thank goodness 😅 I mean, y'all *could* just apologize? Why make it seem that he's the unreasonable one for being genuinely upset over something he didn't know was an act? The prolonged hovering of their hands, I can't 🤣 Do you want to get the scale stolen? Because that's how you get things stolen in this world, by not using them immediately. Come to think of it, why don't they know how to use it? You'd think Ying Long told them, right? (What you wanna bet that somehow WZY knows?) What the heck did I just say? They're already being watched...

Good on you for not being fooled (I mean, ZYC *never* smiles like that, why does she keep making the same mistake), but oh goodness did he lose the thing he was supposed to guard with his life *fast*. I hate that we see them so reactive so often, and just *not* smart. They *just* said LL was going to try to get the scale - but they still left Ying Lei by himself? Please, you're supposed to be good, not *dumb*!

Huh, I guess I should've known there'll be another twist(s). I'm exhausted so all I have left is, I appreciate the little moment of softness between LL and his human livers dealer, and did ZYZ really teach LL *all* his tricks? We shall see. (And as I promised myself, I'm not checking out the preview. My sanity's frayed as it is.)

[disdaidal]

Two days ago, complains that she can't get anything written down, despite having multiple headcanons and fic ideas.

This afternoon (or well, yesterday here) she starts randomly going through different writing prompts on a writing blog and miraculously ends up finding a prompt that fuels the fire and inspires to start writing.

Tells herself firmly: don't stress it, it can be just a short piece, even a drabble. Doesn't need to be longer than that.

The situation right now: has already written 8 pages (3149 words) of making out, eventually leading to smut if the gods are on her side and the stars are aligned just right (fingers crossed).

The bottom line: doesn't know how to write short stuff, still. Rambling on and on seems to be the thing she keeps getting tangled into. But oh well, writing's still sailing smoothly and I intend to finish it (even if it takes me all night, which it just might). But I don't trust my short attention span to last long enough to continue it again tomorrow, so... sacrifices must be made.

[lotus-pear]

the dialogue choices in this game should be more diabolical

[shirozora-draws]

Do not ask me what time it is right this minute.

Anyway! With art class starting up again, I decided to do the proper thing for once and practice on purpose. Next step is find some screencaps and practice painting metal. I've never been comfortable with painting stuff but time to get over that if I want to illustrate that one fic the way I want to.

[flowerakatsuka]

i took this screenshot while watching sakura yesterday bc i liked the lighting and pose, but it's been on my mind all freaking day. the reason why kara's the only one still fucking around & drinking with his biker buddies is because that phone call he ran to get was a rejection. he tried to find something to do to help out, but failed. he struggled to find work back in s1, too, so it makes me wonder if he seemed to give up bc he doubted if he could actually land a job like his brothers...