#so forgive me. but he is someone I’ll talk about for forever | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

earthtoharlow · 6 months ago

Text

From the Dining Table

chapter 01

20 Years Ago

Jack sat on the couch with his hands pressed against his head, hoping that the pressure against his temples would stop the war that was going through his mind. The engagement ring sat on the coffee table between them. Across from him sat actress Scarlett Hayes, his fiancée for barely six months—she stared at him in disbelief, her voice shaking.

“Are you trying to hurt me?” Scarlett whispered, her fingers curled around the edge of the chair, as if holding on to something, anything would keep her from crashing out.

Jack couldn’t even look at her. He knew her eyes were full of questions that he didn’t have the strength or balls to answer. Jack’s chest tightened as her voice grew louder, more desperate.

“Talk to me! We’ve been through too much for you to just walk away like this. You owe me a reason.”

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. The words were stuck in his throat, a tangled mess of guilt, fear, and love. How could he tell Scarlett that it wasn’t her fault? That he was breaking her heart to save her from something worse? That deep down, he wasn’t sure he was the man she deserved?

“I can’t,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

Scarlett stood up, the chair scraping harshly against the floor. “You can’t what? You can’t explain? You can’t love me anymore? What?” Her frustration spilled over, and she ran a hand through her hair, pacing the room. “Do you even care about how this is affecting me? I thought we were happy, I thought we were going to—”

“Stop.” Jack's voice cracked. He could barely stand hearing her hope shatter with every word. But still, he couldn’t give her the explanation she wanted. What was he supposed to say? That he wasn’t ready? That he felt like he was losing himself in this life they were building? That his career, his demons, and the past he carried were dragging him away from the future they were supposed to share?

“I can’t do this right now,” he muttered, his eyes glued to the floor. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes welled up, and she stood there for a moment, staring at him like he was a stranger. He knew what she was thinking—how could someone who claimed to love her so deeply suddenly become so distant?

“I deserve better than this,” she finally said, her voice barely holding together. “I deserve to know why.”

Jack clenched his fists, resisting the urge to pull her into his arms, to kiss her forehead like he used to and tell her everything would be alright. But he couldn’t make that promise anymore. The truth was, he didn’t trust himself not to hurt her again. He wasn’t the man she needed him to be.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and it felt hollow, empty—just like him. He stood up and walked toward the door without looking back. She didn’t try to stop him this time.

Just as his hand reached for the doorknob, her voice pierced the silence, sharp and broken.

“I hate you.”

Jack froze, his back still to her. The weight of those three words hit him harder than anything she could have said. He felt it in his chest, a pain so deep it was almost physical.

“You’re pathetic, I hate you,” she said again, louder this time. “And I’ll always hate you.”

He stood there, unable to move, Scarlett’s words echoing in his mind. He deserved them. Every last syllable. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Without turning around, he opened the door and walked out, leaving behind the woman he loved more than anything, knowing she would never forgive him. Knowing he had lost her forever and it was all his fault.

***

Twenty years later, Scarlett sat in front of a row of reporters at a press junket for her latest film. The years had been kind to her—she’d rebuilt her life, piece by piece, becoming one of the most respected actresses in the world. She was on the brink of becoming an EGOT winner—a feat few could claim.

Life had moved on, and so had she. She’d married another actor a few years after the breakup. They had a beautiful daughter together, though the marriage didn’t last. Despite the divorce, she and her ex-husband had managed to co-parent well, and their daughter, Maya, now 14, was the light of her life.

Yet, certain memories from the past had a way of creeping into her mind when she least expected it.

As the last few questions were being asked, one reporter raised their hand. “What advice would you give to the person you were 20 years ago?”

Scarlett paused. The question wasn’t unusual, but it took her by surprise. Twenty years ago. The number tugged at her, pulling her back to a version of herself she hadn’t thought about in a long time. A version who’d just had her engagement broken off without an explanation. A version who felt shattered, blindsided, and unsure of where to go next.

She took a breath before answering, her voice calm and thoughtful. “I would tell her to trust herself more. To understand that sometimes the things that break you aren’t meant to destroy you, but to reshape you into someone stronger.” She paused, her eyes softening, as if she were talking directly to her younger self. “And that the pain, as overwhelming as it might feel in the moment, will eventually become the foundation for the person you’re supposed to become.”

She smiled, a small, almost private one, as if the advice wasn’t just for the person she was 20 years ago, but also for herself in the present. The reporters scribbled down her response, sensing there was more behind her words than just a general piece of advice.

But Scarlett didn’t elaborate. She thanked the reporter for the thoughtful question and moved on to the next, keeping the rest of her thoughts to herself.

When Scarlett returned to her hotel room. She closed the door softly, the quiet of the room a welcome contrast to the frenzy of the press junket. Dropping her purse on the table, she exhaled deeply, trying to shake off the emotions that had surfaced when she answered that last question. Memories of the past always had a way of creeping back when she least expected it.

Maya was lounging on the couch, looking up from her phone as Scarlett walked in. She was 14, full of energy and curiosity, with the kind of bright eyes that reminded Scarlett of herself at that age. But there was also a resilience in her daughter—one that seemed far beyond her years.

“Hey, Mom,” Maya called out casually, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “How did it go?”

She smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “It went well. Same questions, different faces.”

Maya set her phone down, sitting up a little straighter. “You look tired. Want me to order room service or something?”

Scarlett chuckled softly. “Maybe in a bit.”

Maya hesitated for a moment before her expression shifted to something more excited. “Actually, I wanted to ask you something. And don’t say no right away.”

“Oh boy,” Scarlett said, playfully bracing herself as she sat down on the edge of the bed. “What is it?”

“Well,” Maya began, drawing out the word like she was preparing for a big reveal, “I found out that while we’re in town, Jack Harlow is performing. And… I really want to go.”

Scarlett’s stomach knotted instantly at the thought. Jack Harlow. The man who had walked out of her life without an explanation two decades ago. The rapper who had become even more successful over the years, topping charts with multiple number-one albums and winning five Grammys. He was everywhere, even if they had managed to avoid each other at every awards show, every industry event, every red carpet. They had perfected the art of pretending the other didn’t exist.

Now, the idea of seeing him again—of watching him perform while sitting in the audience with her daughter—made her chest tighten. But how could she say no to Maya? She adored her daughter, and Maya was at the age where she idolized the rapper, just like millions of others.

She swallowed, trying to keep her expression neutral. “Jack Harlow….?”

“Yes!” Her daughter’s eyes lit up with excitement. “I’ve been dying to see him live, and it’s crazy that we’re here at the same time. Please, Mom? I know you’re busy this week, but I have to go to this concert. It would be amazing.”

Scarlett tried to keep her tone casual as she spoke. “You know, sweetie, maybe your dad could take you to the concert instead? I’m sure he’d love to go with you.”

Maybe paused, looking at her mom in disbelief. “Dad?” she asked, as if the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. “No way.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Why not? He loves concerts, we used to go to concerts all the time together before you were born.”

Maya plopped down on the bed, shaking her head firmly. “Mom, you don’t understand. Dad can be so embarrassing sometimes. I mean, he’d probably try to rap along to the songs and think he’s cool, or worse—he’d make some weird joke in front of people. I can’t have that happening in front of him,” she said, referring to Jack.

Scarlett stifled a laugh. She knew her ex-husband’s quirky sense of humor all too well. He was a great dad, but yeah… maybe not the best choice for a situation like this. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be that bad,” she tried.

Maya wasn’t convinced. “Mom, I love Dad, but he’s not exactly cool, you know? When you mention TikTok he thinks you’re talking about that Kesha song.” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Please, Mom. You’re way cooler.”

Scarlett sighed, her plan to avoid the concert quickly unraveling. “I don’t know, honey,” she said, hesitating. “It’s just… I’ve got a lot going on with the press tour, and I might be too tired. Maybe—”

Maya looked at her, wide-eyed and pleading. “Mom, this is literally a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You’re always working. Just this once, can’t we do something fun together? Please?”

She felt a pang of guilt. She had been so focused on her career, the press, and everything else that had happened over the years that she hadn’t made enough time for moments like this with her daughter.

But the idea of being at his concert, seeing him again, was terrifying. Still, as she looked at her daughter, who was practically begging her, Scarlett found herself trapped. Maya didn’t deserve to be punished for something that had happened long before she was born.

“Okay,” she said, surprising herself with how steady her voice sounded. “We’ll go.”

Maya squealed, reaching over to hug her tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is going to be the best night ever!”

***

Backstage, Jack sat in front of the mirror, his head bowed as he tied his new balance. His crew moved in and out of the dressing room, prepping for another sold-out show. Tonight was special. Every show was, but something about performing in this city always felt like coming home.

His phone buzzed on the counter beside him, but he ignored it, focusing instead on the rhythm pulsing in his veins. It was the pre-show adrenaline, the high he chased every time he stepped on stage. The crowd would be chanting his name in a few minutes, and he needed to be in the zone.

Urban pushed through the door camera in hand and a knowing grin plastered on his face.

“You’ll never guess who’s here tonight,” Urban said, his voice full of intrigue.

Jack didn’t look up, a half-smile tugging at his lips. Urban always had something to say, always some gossip or story to break up the tension. He figured it was just one of the usual celebrity guests, a fan or two from another showbiz circle.

“Who?” he asked, humoring him as he stood and stretched out his arms, preparing himself mentally for the setlist.

Urban leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, that grin not fading. “I’m serious, man. You’ll never believe it.”

“Alright, then. Hit me with it. Who’s in the building?” he asked, half-paying attention, still in his pre-show mode.

Urban paused for dramatic effect, letting the silence stretch just long enough before dropping the bombshell. “The one that got away.”

Jack laughed, shaking his head as he grabbed his jacket from the chair. “Man, stop playing. I ain’t got time for that.”

Urban didn’t blink. Didn’t laugh. Just stood there, his smile shifting into something more serious. “I’m not joking. She’s here. She came to see you.”

Jack froze, his hand hovering just above the jacket. For a second, he thought Urban was still messing with him. But Urban didn’t play like this—at least not about her.

He turned slowly, raising an eyebrow. “Who you talkin’ about?”

Urban didn’t miss a beat. “Scarlett Hayes.”

At first, all Jack could do was shake his head, the disbelief settling in. He laughed again, though this time it came out more as a breath of surprise than humor. “Nah. You’re trippin’. No way.”

But Urban’s expression didn’t budge. “I’m telling you, she’s here. Saw her myself. Came in with her daughter, I think.”

His heart stopped for just a moment. Her. After all these years?

Twenty years since they’d last spoken, twenty years since he’d walked out of that apartment without looking back, twenty years since the day she told him she hated him. The memories flooded back in an instant—the way her voice had cracked, the look in her eyes when he left her without an explanation. He had convinced himself long ago that he wouldn’t see her again. Not face-to-face. Their worlds were too big, their circles wide enough to avoid each other. And they had—for two decades.

But now?

“She’s really here?” he asked, his voice quieter this time, disbelief still hanging in the air.

Urban nodded. “Yup. Sitting somewhere out there with her kid. And from what I heard, it wasn’t even her idea to come. The girl wanted to see the show.”

Jack let out a low whistle, shaking his head as he processed it. Of all the people who could’ve been in the audience tonight, Scarlett was the last person he’d expected. Part of him had always wondered if they’d cross paths again, if there’d ever be a moment where the universe would force them into the same room, the same space. But after all these years, he had convinced himself it wouldn’t happen.

And now she was here.

He cleared his throat, feeling the weight of it settle over him. “Guess she couldn’t avoid me forever, huh?”

Urban chuckled. “Seems that way. But what you gonna do about it?”

Jack hesitated for a beat, staring at his reflection in the mirror, trying to reconcile the man he was now with the man who left her behind so long ago. He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t even sure if she would want to see him after everything that had happened.

“I don’t know,” he muttered, shaking his head, trying to focus on the show ahead of him. “But I know one thing. I ain’t letting it mess up my set.”

Urban gave him a knowing look, camera still in hand. “Good call, but she’s here, man. And something tells me the past ain’t just stayin’ in the past tonight.”

With that, Urban turned and left the room, leaving Jack alone with the thought that after two decades, she was finally in his world again. And for the first time in years, he didn’t know how to feel.

***

Jack stood center stage and took in the sold out crowd. This was his zone, his sanctuary, where nothing could touch him—where he controlled the crowd and their energy, night after night.

But tonight, something felt different. His mind kept drifting, thoughts circling back to what Urban had said backstage. Scarlett here. He had tried to shake it off, but the thought gnawed at him, even as he performed. The crowd roared louder as he transitioned into his next song, one that hadn’t been on the original setlist but was a personal favorite for fans.

“Can I slow things down for a little bit?” Jack asked the crowd as he grabbed the mic stand. The opening chords echoed through the stadium, and a hush fell over the audience. They recognized it immediately. It wasn’t one of the hits that charted on Billboard or made it onto the radio, but it was the song that fans knew had come from the deepest part of him. It was the song he wrote about Scarlett around the time he first met her.

Yeah, they fine, but they not you. You a catch and I caught you. I wanna pull up and flaunt you and take some pics for Getty Images. I like all your beauty marks and blemishes…

The lights dimmed, and the spotlight shone solely on him as he moved across the stage when he looked out into the crowd, he saw her.

Scarlett was there, in the crowd, just like Urban said. In the sea of faces, she stood out—her face illuminated by the soft glow of the stage lights, eyes locked on him. For a split second, the entire world fell away. His breath hitched in his throat, the words almost dying on his lips as they stared at each other. It was like time had stopped, and all the years between them collapsed into this moment.

She hadn’t changed much—still as stunning as she had been when they were younger, though there was something deeper, wiser about her now. She wasn’t the woman he’d left behind; she had evolved, become someone bigger, stronger, untouchable in her success. But her eyes… her eyes still held that same fire.

The next line came out rougher, almost a whisper:

Girl, you're poison, poison, poison, poison, but the good kind. It's crazy how you're on my mind. Kind of crazy how you're on my mind

Jack remembered everything—how he left, how she had yelled at him, tears in her eyes as she said she hated him, how he hadn’t been able to say a single word back. He had never told her the real reason, had never given her the closure she deserved.

The final beat hit, and the crowd erupted, cheering wildly, oblivious to the tension swirling beneath the surface. But he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. She hadn’t moved, her expression unreadable from where he stood, but he could feel the energy between them—like a cord that had been stretched thin for years was finally being tugged back into place.

For a moment, he thought about saying something, about calling out to Scarlett right there in front of everyone. But what would he even say? How do you fix something that’s been broken for two decades?

Instead, he just stood there, the mic heavy in his hand, staring at the woman he had never really stopped thinking about, wondering if she would turn and walk away like he had so many years ago.

Urban standing off to the side of the stage with his camera, had been watching everything. He saw the moment Jack’s eyes locked with hers in the crowd. He knew his friend better than anyone, knew that despite all the bravado, all the fame and success, there was still a part of him that had never gotten over her. And there was no way in hell he was going to let this moment slip by.

Jack handed off the mic to his stagehand, blinking as if trying to clear his head, but Urban was already a step ahead. He turned to Jack’s manager standing near the stage, a determined look on his face.

“Yo, get them backstage,” Urban ordered, his voice low but firm.

Kat raised an eyebrow. “You mean—”

“Scarlett Hayes. Her and her daughter. Bring them back here. Now,” Urban insisted, waving his hand toward where they’d been sitting. “Don’t make a scene, but get it done. He’s not gonna have the balls to do it himself.”

Kat hesitated for a split second but then nodded, understanding the urgency. This wasn’t just a regular concert guest—it was someone who could change everything for the man they all worked for. She quickly made her way toward the crowd, slipping through unnoticed as the concert continued.

Meanwhile, backstage, Jack had retreated to his dressing room, the rush of the show fading as reality crashed back in. He had avoided Scarlett for so long, convinced himself that whatever they had was buried in the past, but seeing her out there had brought it all rushing back. He ran a hand over his face, pacing the small space, still replaying that moment in his head—the way her eyes had locked on his, the way she hadn’t moved an inch, frozen in place just like him.

Urban burst into the room, camera hanging from his neck, smirking like he knew exactly what had to be done.

“What the hell was that, man?” Urban asked, leaning against the doorframe with a grin. “You looked like you saw a ghost.”

Jack shot him a look, but his usual cocky demeanor was nowhere to be found. “I wasn’t expecting to actually see… her.” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the weight of it all.

“No kidding,” Urban said with a knowing smile. “You gonna go talk to her?”

He hesitated. “Man, I don’t know. It’s been too long. What’s there to say?”

Urban crossed his arms, shaking his head in mock disbelief. “You’re telling me after all these years, you’re gonna let this slip? Scarlett is here, in the same building, and you’re just gonna pretend like you didn’t see her?”

Jack opened his mouth to argue but couldn’t find the words. Urban was right. This was a once-in-a-lifetime moment, but the fear—the same fear that made him walk away all those years ago—was creeping back in.

Urban could see it. He rolled his eyes and stepped forward. “You know what? Don’t worry about it. I already handled it.”

Jack frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“I told Kat to bring her backstage,” Urban said nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. “Figured you’d need a little push.”

Jack’s eyes widened in shock, his heart leaping into his throat. “You did what?”

Urban shrugged, unbothered. “Relax. I didn’t have them drag her here or anything. Just made sure she knows she’s welcome. I know you, man. You’d never make the move on your own.”

Jack stared at him, panic swirling in his chest. Part of him wanted to bolt, to disappear before she showed up, but another part—maybe the part that had been carrying this regret for twenty years—knew this was his chance. This was the moment he had been avoiding, but also the one he couldn’t let slip away.

Before he could respond, there was a knock at the door.

His heart stopped.

Urban shot him a quick look, raising an eyebrow. “That’s your cue.”

Jack took a deep breath, steeling himself as he walked toward the door. When he opened it, his breath caught in his throat.

There she was. Standing in front of him was the woman who had once been his entire world, but as soon as Scarlett saw him, her expression became eerily calm, like she was slipping into a role she’d played many times before. She smiled—a smile he recognized all too well—and extended her hand toward him, as though they were meeting for the very first time.

“Hi,” she said smoothly, her voice dripping with polite indifference. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m—”

“Nice to meet you,” Jack interrupted, his voice tense as he took her hand, gripping it lightly. The casualness of the gesture was almost unbearable. The weight of their history was right there between them, but she was pretending like it didn’t exist.

Her daughter, Maya meanwhile, wasn’t pretending at all. She stood beside her mother, wide-eyed and practically bouncing with excitement. The second she saw Jack, she let out a tiny squeal, covering her mouth with her hands, her gaze darting between him and her mother as if this were some kind of dream.

“Mom! Oh my God, it’s really him!” Maya whispered loudly, her excitement spilling over. “You didn’t tell me we’d actually meet him!”

Scarlett, still holding onto her mask of politeness, glanced at her daughter with a calm smile. “Well, sweetheart, it was a surprise. I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”

Jack blinked, momentarily stunned by the surrealness of the moment. Scarlett was really going to do this—pretend they’d never met, never loved, never been ripped apart at the seams. And her daughter had no idea.

The girl’s energy was infectious, though, and she stepped forward eagerly, her hands trembling as she extended her phone toward Jack. “Can I—can I please get a picture? This is like, the coolest thing ever! I’ve been a fan for years! I love all your songs!”

Jack glanced at Scarlett , searching her eyes for some kind of signal, but all he found was that same polite smile, so perfectly controlled. He swallowed his emotions, nodding toward Maya with a forced grin. “Of course. Anything for a fan.”

Maya practically jumped up and down, handing her phone over to Urban, who was grinning like he knew something nobody else did. The girl bounced to Jack’s side, beaming up at him as he put an arm around her for the picture.

Scarlett stood off to the side, watching the whole thing with a detached expression, her hands folded in front of her. She looked like a spectator in her own life, watching from a distance as her daughter unknowingly gushed over the man who had once broken her mother’s heart.

After the photo was taken, Maya looked up at Jack, her eyes wide with admiration. “I can’t believe this is happening. You’re such a legend! I’ve been to all your concerts. Mom, isn’t this crazy?”

Scarlett smiled again, that same well-practiced smile. “It’s quite something,” she agreed lightly, not giving anything away.

Jack looked at her, his chest tightening. He could see what she was doing—how she was keeping everything locked up, pretending like this was just another encounter, but it felt like a punch to the gut. He wanted to say something, anything, to break through that wall she’d built, but every word he thought of got stuck in his throat.

Maya, still buzzing with excitement, pulled her phone back out. “Oh! Can I get your autograph, too? I didn’t bring anything to sign, but I have my concert shirt! Wait, do you need a pen?” She began frantically digging through her bag, clearly overwhelmed by the moment.

As Maya fumbled with her things, Jack looked back at the actress, who was watching him with that same unreadable expression. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t let this moment slip by without acknowledging what was really happening.

“You sure we haven’t met before?” he asked quietly, his voice low so her daughter wouldn’t hear.

Scarlett paused for a moment, her eyes locking with his. For a split second, something flickered there—something real, raw, and unguarded. But just as quickly, she blinked, and the mask was back in place.

“I’m sure,” she said softly, her tone as smooth as ever. “Just two strangers, passing through.”

And with that, she turned her attention back to Maya, who had finally found a pen.

Jack swallowed hard, nodding numbly as he took the pen from the girl. “Yeah,” he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. “Just two strangers.”

***

AN: Hello hi ! New series! Please please please let me know what you think and if you’d like to see this series continued 🙂‍↕️

Tag List

(message me if you'd like to be added or removed)

*recently made a new tag list so if your name is missing please let me know*

@harlowsbby @heavyhitterheaux @harlowcomehome @https-harlow @hoodharlow @gazeboharlow @jackmans-poison @itsyagirljaz @cosypinky2 @theyoganarrative @ann2sno @bugheadfanatic @umicornlove @venic-bxtch @muli-wam @jackharlow502 @slutzzz4jack @aga21 @iknowdatsrightbih @theboujeestofboujee @babygirl-htx @chantelaustingunn @wabi-sabi1090 @dstark-0706 @kkrenae @hufflewhore128 @jackiehollanderr @katiaw2 @firepuma @easternparkway

#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow reader #famous reader #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow angst #from the dining table

195 notes · View notes

girliism · 8 months ago

Text

senior year was all you and your best friends art and patrick dreamed out. but since you’re threesome became a twosome senior was not what you dreamed.

art spent the first month ignoring you and patrick which was hard given you all had the same classes. patrick was trying to pretend it didn’t hurt him as much as it did but you can only pretend for so long.

the two of you were at his house doing homework. patrick sitting on his bed and you in his squeaky desk chair. “can please stop squeaking.” patrick said very annoyed. you stop your movement. “sorry” you mumble. patrick sighs upset at himself for his outburst. “i didn’t burst at you tennis just sucked today.” you spin around in your chair and crawl onto the bed to take place in his lap. “what happened?” you question pushing your forehead against his. “art traded me for someone else to double with.” art and patrick have been double partners since forever. they never switched not even when patrick kissed art when they were 12 and art punced him in the face and didn’t talk to him for weeks.

you were getting sick of the silent treatment. you missed your best friend you missed art. you missed being with the both of them.

“ok class, today i don’t feel like teaching you so we’re gonna play dodgeball. girls to the left boys to the right.” dodgeball was supposed to be banned in school for promoting violence but your gym teacher could care less. “have we as a society been pushed so far back that you must still separate us by gender in game used as an excuse to be violent.” some girl in class complained. your gym teacher got in her face. “either get to the left or fail my class. now remember nothing below the waist and nothing above the neck.” his whistle rang throughout the gym, and your body moved faster than your mind immediately picking up the ball and chucking it at arts face. “oh my god.” you rush over to him. “what the fuck?” art’s holding his bleeding nose. “what did i just say! jesus someone get this kid to the nurse.” “i’ll do it.”

the two of you walk side by side to the nurse in complete silence.

“you’re our third dodgeball incident this week. hold this i’ll be back.” the nurse leaves. the ticking from the clock cuts through the silence. “so um, how was your summer? is your grandma doing better?” you speak first. “it was fine and my grandma’s fine too. she asked about you and pat.” art’s voice was muffled by the tissue he held on her face. “what did you tell her.” art cocked his head up at you. “that the two of you ripped my heart out and stomped on it.” he said sarcastically. the two of you. art realized this summer that’s his feeling about you and patrick were a lot more complicated. maybe he wasn’t completely upset that you guys were sneaking around maybe it was the fact you guys were doing it without him.

you kicked art in his shin. “ow! will you please stop hurting me.” he lightly kicked you back. “will you please stop being so annoying about this or does a nearly lifelong friendship mean nothing to you?” art wants to forgive you guys it kills him inside, watching the two of laughing and hanging out when it’s usely the three of you. “i’m not ready for that yet.” the nurse walks back in. you and art just staring at each lips saying nothing but eyes saying so much.

“boyfriend.” you smile walking out of your house to patrick’s car. “girlfriend. you ready.” patrick hooks his arm around your neck placing a kiss on your cheek. it was senior ditch day and something you guys always wanted to do for senior ditch day was to go paintballing.

“you guys get an hour in the arena if you run out of paint balloons there’s extra room on the side.” the worker instructed us. “room for one more?” a voice says behind you. “art.” you and patrick say in unison surprised but happy to see he came. picking up on the weird tension the worker added. “also no sex in the arena.” the three of you share a look before heading in.

it’s been five minutes and no one has moved. each seated behind their own pillar waiting for the other to move. “will someone please throw a balloon.” you huff. “i’ll go first. art why don’t you stop being such a jealous pussy.” patrick chucked a ballon at art hitting his arm with paint. “why couldn’t you keep it in your pants.” art threw a ballon back hitting patrick leg. “why can’t we just have a fun time.” it’s your turn to throw ballons at them. “not until he admits that he’s jealous.” patrick steps out into the open. “what the hell would i have to be jealous of.” art steps out too. the two standing face to face. you peak your head up to watch the interaction. “i’m glad you traded doubles partners with me, now i don’t have to do all the work.” patrick stares at art. “only cause you can’t breathe without all the attention being on you.” art smashes a ballon right in the middle of patrick’s chest. “you little shit.” patrick tackles art.

patrick and art roll around on the ground fighting like children. “maybe if you weren’t so scared of your own feelings you would be with us instead of moping around like a lost puppy.” patrick says rolling on top of art pinning him down. art knees him in the back cause patrick to fall over. “fuck you, you don’t know anything.” sick of the both of them fighting you come out from your hiding spot. “would the two of you shut up.” one of them accidentally knocks you in the ankle causing you to fall on top joining in on the rolling. “and what about you huh kissing both of us and making everything confused.” patrick accuses, elbow digging into your side. “don’t blame this on me. it not my fault i want both of you.” the three of you stop rolling and lay on your backs looking up at the sky.

“what does that mean.” art ask even though he knew exactly what it meant. “means she wants to date both of us. freak.” patrick says adding the last part jokingly. you punch his arm. “but you can’t date two people just because you can’t make up your mind.” you groan coving your face. “that not what i meant.” you whisper. the implication of your words float through the air. “oh. i mean i wouldn’t mind you know dating both of you.” patrick understood first cause he too has thought about it. this was all too much for art. “you guys are insane.” art stands up staring down at you and patrick still on the ground. “why are we the insane ones? what’s insane is still after all these years you ignore what you feel for me.” patrick scoffs getting up to confront art. art feels like he can’t breathe and he breaks down crying. “shut up. i don’t have feelings for you i-i can’t.” you and patrick pull him in for a hug letting him cry out everything he’s been bottling up since middle school. “it’s ok art.” you whisper squeezing him tight. “my dad would kill me.” art speaks. “we’ll take care of you.” patrick says. the three up you stand there for a while just hugging before going to get milkshakes.

it took a while for art to get comfortable with the whole throuple thing. you guys told yours and patrick’s parents but were waiting tell you were in college to tell art’s parents though his mom had a feeling. “it’s so good to see the three of you together again.” arts mom set a plate of cookies in front of you guys before leaving you to eat them. she turned around suddenly remembering she had to tell art to call his grandma later but stopped when she saw how the three of you huddled together. your arm looped lightly with arts and how patrick ruffled his hair letting his hand linger longer than normal.

days blended into months and before you know it you and art were pack his car up to drive to stanford for early set up. “you know it’s not to late to join us pat.” you say wrapping you arms around his waist. “yeah i’m sure your dad has contacts there he could get you in easily.” art adds slamming the truck shut coming up to hug you from behind sandwiching you in between them. “as tempting as that sounds i fear life on the road to the pro tennis league is calling me.” you and art pout breaking away from him. “you’ll come visit us right.” patrick looks offended you’d even ask. “my two favorite people in one place together, i’m gonna be there every weekend.” patrick places soft kisses on yours and arts lips before pulls you guys into a hug. “call me when you get there.” you tell him ok getting in the passenger seat and art in the drives as you ride off sticking your hands out the window to waving until your out of sight.

maybe adulthood won’t be so bad now.

(and that is the end. the throuple continues to live happy and healthy forever ☺️.)

#girliism #challengers #art donaldson #patrick zweig x reader #patrick zweig #art donaldson x reader #challengers au #boy bsf!artrick

256 notes · View notes

lexxiie · 28 days ago

Note

Hello~

Can I request some headcanons for the angels of death (+ Yohan ofc) on how they would react seeing their s/o flinch during an argument?

Can I please request the same thing for Killer Peter? (For all the characters that you write for)

Thank you, I hope you have a nice day

When You Flinch During An Argument

Oh my anon, you and I must be connected because I love the drama!!!!! I’ll write them separately, if that’s okay with you.

Fandom: Killer Peter Featuring: John, Judas, Nathaniel, Thaddeus.

NATHANIEL

The biggest issue in your relationship is how much time he spends at work. Sometimes you only see him twice a week, and only at night. But he can’t help it, this is how being a doctor is, and most of the time, you understand, but you snapped when he told you that he had a surgery to perform on your anniversary.

You packed the last of your clothes, as you decided you would stay at your parents’ home for a while.

“Come on, (y/n), don’t be ridiculous” Nathaniel said, while taking the case from you. “Give it back!” You yelled, quite angry, but he wouldn’t let go and there was nothing you could do. “I already told you we can move the plans for tomorrow, there’s no need for you to leave.” The doctor explained, softly, but close to losing his patience. “I spend every single day moving plans and adapting my whole life to yours, yet you never do the same!” You yelled once again, this time deciding to let him keep the case and heading to the front door, but before you could open it, the man stood in front of it to prevent you from leaving. “You are not leaving for something like this!” He yelled, loudly, very loudly, and his deep voice didn’t make it any nicer. You aren’t used to him yelling at you at all, this might be the very first time, actually, which is why you can’t help but flinch at his loud, deep voice.

You both stand there, frozen, no one says anything. The doctor’s face is suddenly covered in sadness, and he tries to process what just happened. The thing he loved the most about you was the fact that you didn’t fear him, you knew everything about him, yet you always saw him as a protector, not a monster. He now feared that he ruined that forever.

Nathaniel quietly approached you, lifting his hand up to caress your cheek to wipe away the tears that had started to fall. You let him, so he pulls you close enough to hug you. “I would never do anything to you. If you want to leave, I understand, but I really don’t want you to. This place is not the same without you, so please… please stay.” He whispers softly to your ear, and you hug him back. “I’m sorry that I scared you, doll, please forgive me.” He mutters while burying his face in your neck, but there was nothing to forgive, you knew he would never hurt you, you still had a lot to talk about, but him being a threat to you would certainly never be a concern.

JOHN

Arguments are not that rare between you two. That’s the downside of loving someone with so much pride, it’s hard not to get upset a bit often.

He loves you so much, and you know he does, but whenever he fucks up, it’s incredibly hard for him to back down from his words, it takes him a while to understand that he was in the wrong, he always thinks he is right. At least at first. Earlier today, he made an unfortunate comment and you pointed out how mean he had been, yet he refused to apologize.

“Seriously? Do you care that little about me?” You ask, unable to believe that he would do anything for you except accepting his mistakes. “You are exaggerating, as per usual” he answers, coldly. Wow.

“I think we should take a break.” You say, very seriously and very calmly. Those words burn something inside John’s head. No. There’s no way, his biggest fear is living without you, fucking it up to the point where you stop loving him.

He just shakes his head, without saying anything. “Did you hear me? We should take a break” you repeat, tired of his pride ruining your relationship, maybe some time apart would help him reflect on things, but the man sitting on the couch in front of you seems to be in shock. “Listen, it would only be a couple of wee-“ he stands up abruptly, now his face inches away from yours, “we are not taking a fucking break” He yells, impossibly upset, and you immediately pull back on instinct.

That action alone makes the man forget all of his anger. He can’t remember the last time his pride was this hurt. He loved you, and he felt incredibly proud that you loved him too, his whole life had been lonely, with no one to care for him, until you came around. Your relationship was his greatest accomplishment, the fact that you could potentially fear him, meant that he had failed miserably at the one thing he cared for the most.

He carefully walked towards you, not saying anything. The killer placed his hand on the side of your face, carefully cupping it. “I’m sorry” he muttered, kissing your forehead softly. “I would never lay a hand on you.” He says after a couple of seconds go by. “I know” you assure him. You stay like that for a while, until he speaks again. “I promise this will never happen again, but please don’t ask for a break.” You look up at him, trying to find his eyes, and they seem sincere. The man reaches down to kiss your cheeks, hoping it counts as an apology, because he still isn’t able to say one out loud and you smile at his childishness. As much as he makes you mad, you love him wholeheartedly.

JUDAS

He is a cold, cold man. Still, not devoid of human emotions, they’re just buried very deeply within himself. He loves you, genuinely and more selflessly than he could’ve ever expected.

But you can’t show new tricks to an old dog, at least not easily. He’s older than you, he thinks he knows best, and he was thought to be indifferent towards feelings from a very young age. Changing that is a long process.

His distant nature is a problem between you both. He adores you, but struggles to show it. In his old fashioned ways, he can be very traditionally romantic, but there are still things that he could get better at… Like his attitude when you guys argue.

Again, he thinks he’s more mature and consequently, he thinks he’s always right. Judas has an issue with jealousy, he’s insecure of your friends who are your age, worried you’ll get tired of his older ass and dump him, which is the root of your most recent argument.

“He’s just a friend” you say, tired of this. “Yeah, maybe to you he is, but you don’t know how men think” the man answers with a phrase that makes your blood boil. “God you’re so ridiculous” you brush him off, done with this conversation. “I would prefer it if you could stop hanging out with him, (y/n)” you can’t help but roll your eyes. “Your perception of this is totally mistaken” you understand that this makes him very insecure, so you try to be empathetic and reassuring, but you are met with the loud bang of his fist hitting the counter of the kitchen. “Your perception is the one that is mistaken, (y/n)! I don’t understand why can’t you just listen to me!”

His loud voice makes you flinch and pull back, and the apostle quickly realizes that he scared you. It was never his intention, he just meant to take care of you, jealousy aside, you never know what other people’s intentions may be, and you always try to see the good in people, which scares him. He never wants to be someone you fear, his job is to keep your fears away, he can’t believe he keeps messing up things with the only person he cares about. “My love, forgive me.” He pleads with the softest tone you’ve ever heard out of his mouth. “You are right, I took all of this out of proportion, I won’t make the same mistake again.” He slowly embraces you, and feels relieved when your muscles relax with his touch, thank god. You still feel safe around him, and he’ll make sure to keep it that way.

THADDEUS

Arguing with him is actually not that common, and out of all of the arguments you guys have, most of them are very minor.

From time to time though, yo do have heavy arguments. See, the thing is that Thaddeus is someone who takes everything a bit too lightly. His optimism is something you truly appreciate of him, but it can also be annoying, there are times where you wish for him to be a bit more serious, and he isn’t.

This carelessness of him translates itself into almost every bit of his life, especially his job. You hate his job, obviously. You urge him to be careful every single day, yet he dismisses your concerns every time.

“I can’t believe you are ignoring me over something so absurd.” The apostle tells you, but your back us turned to him, as it has been for the last ten minutes. No word comes out of you mouth, again. “(Y/n), please say something.”

Silence. He calls out for you one more time, but it has come to a point where his frustration grows every minute that passes in silence. Suddenly, on impulse, the apostle yells out your name. (Y/n), I'm talking to you! his words come out at the same time that he got his face inches away from yours, making it all more dramatic, and consequently, making you flinch instantly.

Thaddeus immediately realized how it all unfolded, and why you had reacted the way you did. You had never been scared of him, the look on your eyes felt like a whole through his chest. "I'm so sorry babe, I didn't mean to yell at you" the man rushed to hold both of your hands, he said so in a way that made it sound like he was begging. Begging for forgiveness, begging to go back in time, begging that he hadn't ruined the sense of safeness you had with him? You didn't know, maybe all three, maybe more than three, regardless, you could tell how genuinely mortified he felt. Without saying anything else, you hugged him in silence, hoping that your shared connection could make him understand that there was nothing to forgive.

If there's one person you trust with your whole heart and soul, that's definitely him. The rest of the evening was filled with multiple attempts from your boyfriend trying to make it up to you in all ways he could think of, he just felt so ashamed that he had lost temper in such way... Rest assured it won't happen ever again.

MASTERLIST

#webtoon #killer peter #john #alipede #judas #thaddeus #killer badro #headcanons #scenario #webtoon x reader #fanfic

43 notes · View notes

whereserpentswalk · 2 months ago

Text

I want to know what it’s like to die without actually dying.

I want to know what it’s like to be a robot. Know how it feels to have a hard steel chassis instead of flesh. Know how it feels to have wires inside me instead of nerves. Know what its like to have no lungs or heart. Know what its like to computers inside of me, and know what it’s like to have fans constantly cooling them. Know how it feels to unscrew parts of myself and screw on other parts in it’s place. To be modular in a way that only mechanical things are modular.

I want to know what it’s like to be a dragon. To fly despite being the size of a whale. To feel bullets bounce off of my body. To feel fire spilling out of my lungs and not burn at all. Feel what it’s like to bite a tower in half. Feel what it’s like to look over humanity knowing that none of them are able to hurt me. Know how it feels to have wings, and scales, and fangs, and know what it’s like to fly into space and then dive into the ocean.

I want to know what it’s like to be a spirit. To go somewhere merely by deciding that I will be there. To choose exactly what my form looks like to mortals. To pass through solids as if they were made of gas, as if they were made of mere vacuum. To not take up any space. To not need to eat, or breath, or sleep. To not be effected by the physical at all. To be free from all my mortal bounds, and to know that nothing can hurt me. I want to know what it’s like to possess someone.

I want to kill the president. And walk away from it. And have people see me on campus and casually know me as the person who killed the president.

I want to know what it’s like to be in space. To be so far away from anyone. To know a steel wall is what keeps me safe from a vast expanse of void, of a void that will kill me. And I want to come back to earth, and see all the people walking around and going about their lives. And I want to be changed by having been to space. I don’t know how I’ll be changed yet because I haven’t been to space. But I’ll be changed. I’m sure I’ll be changed.

I want to kiss a girl from a dying world. To see her walking among the ruins. And to hug her and pet her hair knowing it will all be gone soon. And to tell her it’s ok as we walk along the beach of a poison sea. And I’ll go back to my world. And I’ll tell her to come with me. Because of course I’ll tell her to come with me. But she’ll say no. That she has to be here. But that I have to go. That I have a future somewhere else. And she’ll tell me that I made her fate better by being there. And we’ll never see each other again.

I want to die on the sun. But not on impact.

I want to be able to talk to animals. I want to debate politics with an octopus. I want to know what elephants think of religion. I want to explain mathematics to a python. I want to tell my cat how much he matters to me, and I want him to be able to understand. I hope he understands.

I want to go to the afterlife just to talk to people. To chat with Ned Kelly, and Joan of Arc, and Diogenes, Jon Brown. I want to tell an ancestor from hundreds of years ago how my life is going. I want check in on all the fish my family had to flush down the toilet to make sure they forgive me.

I want more people to have the empathy for humans that they have for dogs.

I want the president to know what it’s like to die in a drone strike. And for a ceo to know what it feels like to work in a cobalt mine as a child. And for the mayor to know what it’s like to spend your birthday in jail. And for the pope to know what it’s like to be disowned as a fifteen year old. And for the richest among us to be buried in unmarked graves.

I want the earth to be infinite and flat so that we could explore it forever. Not to conquer, but just to find out more about humanity.

I want to see what a peaceful first contact looks like.

I want everyone to know that the world can be saved.

I want to see what humanity does after the revolution.

I want this story to have a happy ending.

52 notes · View notes

mirrrorballs · 1 year ago

Text

right where you left me — p. jongseong

pairing / non-idol!jay x fem!reader

genre / angst, a bit of fluff at the very start, lovers to strangers, forced marriage au :(

warnings / like, one cuss word..., usage of y/n, i think that's it^^

synopsis / jay always said he'd marry you one day, until suddenly he breaks it off claiming he 'found someone else'. months later, on the day of his wedding, you find a letter slipped under the door of your apartment from none other than the groom to be himself.

author's note / dedicated to my jay obsessed best friend!

“I’m going to marry you one day,” your boyfriend, Jay, said softly with a smile on his face as he shifted in his position lying down together with you on his bed to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

You and Jay have been together for almost two years, and it’s been nothing short of pure bliss. Sure, like any other couple, you two would have the occasional arguments — but rest assured Jay would come knocking on your door with a bouquet and stuffed toy in hand while he asks for your forgiveness.

You let out a light laugh before pressing your lips into a tight smile. “As if your parents would allow that,” you told him as-a-matter-of-factly.

Jay was rich, to put it short. His parents were CEOs of different companies that their parents before them passed down for multiple generations. You, on the other hand, lived a normal and comfortable life. But apparently, it didn’t seem to be enough.

After you met his parents, Jay assured you that they just put up a cold front. Both of you knew he was lying through his teeth.

Jay shook his head. “I don’t care about them. I only want you,” he said before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

A tear rolled down your face as you recalled this memory. It’s only been a year since that sweet exchange of words that you thought secured your relationship for good. You hate how you were wrong.

You let out a dry laugh. “I— I don’t get what you’re talking about. Was it something I did? Come on, Jay. We can talk this out,” you sounded desperate as you shook your head, tears threatening to fall down.

Jay shook his head silently. You thought you almost saw tears pooling around his eyes as well. But to even think that seemed delusional. He seemed so deadset.

“I told you, we just can’t be together anymore,” he still wouldn’t look up to meet your eyes.

“I know, you told me that. But why?”

“It’s not you, it’s me,”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Jay,”

“We just can’t,”

“A reason. You owe me that much—”

“I found someone else,” he said with a tone so final, though the crack in his voice almost made him sound hesitant.

A silence filled the air.

You knew nothing lasted forever. A part of you knew that what you and Jay had going might have shattered one day.

But he always sounded so sure that you two were something permanent. Something written in the stars. So you pushed that part of pessimism in you to the back of your mind.

Now here he was, taking everything he said, the promises he made, the sweet nothings you shared, and twisting it all around. The part of you, the ugly voice that didn’t believe in the timelessness of the love you and Jay shared mocked you as it boomed with laughter and insults.

“Oh,” you breathed out.

A man in a black suit approached your table in the privately booked restaurant and tapped Jay’s shoulder.

“Sir, it’s time to go. You’re going to be late for your meeting with your parents,” the man hesitated as his stoic face held a hint of sympathy when he glanced at you.

“I’ll be right there,” Jay replied as he picked up the coat from behind his chair.

For the first time in this meeting you two had, he managed to look you in the eye before turning his gaze back downwards.

As he turned around and walked away, you mucked up the courage to ask him a question.

“Do you love her?” You asked, suddenly standing up.

Jay turned around and met your hurt gaze. His stone-cold expression melted slightly at this. He paused for a while taking in your presence with a look that almost seemed pained.

He nodded once his eyes traveled back to meet yours once more. “Yeah,” he breathed. “More than I can say,” he paused before turning back around and leaving.

It’s been five months since you and Jay broke up, and you’ve managed to stop breaking into tears at every reminder of him after the first three.

There was no contact between you two. And it was easier to keep him out of your thoughts that way. But that didn’t mean you stopped thinking about him. It was hard to do so.

You were scrolling through social media on your phone as you rode the elevator going up to your apartment. You exited the lift and got your keys ready with one hand while you kept your phone in the other.

You stopped in your tracks after seeing a headline on twitter.

‘Heir of Park Enterprises, Park Jongseong and daughter of the CEO of Hwang & Yoon Law Firm, Yoon Jiwon: Everyone’s Favorite Newlyweds!’

You took in a sharp breath. You’ve managed to steer clear of any news and media about the couple for a while until today. You pressed the power on your phone to turn it off before making your way to open your apartment door.

As you shut the door behind you, you noticed a cream colored envelope facing downwards with your name and address written on it.

You placed your work bag down before picking up what seemed to be a letter, sitting down on your couch and opening it.

As you unfolded the crisp paper, your eyes landed on the first few words. And you immediately knew who wrote it. The handwriting was one that you could recognize as easily as your own.

Y/n,

I’m writing this the night before my wedding. And you’re all that my thoughts consume. The day we fell in love, a part of me knew that you were the girl of my dreams. The girl I wanted to see once I walked up the stairs to an altar. And tomorrow, that girl isn’t you. I’ve thought about how we broke up, how I left you, every day since it happened five months and fourteen days ago. I never wanted to leave you. But when my parents first gave me the instruction to do so for them to be able to set me up with someone else, I showed apparent impertinence by not following their words, and they were angry with me. They told me that you were a bad influence. That the reason I kept disobeying them was you. So they told me that if I refused their instructions once more, they would’ve done something terrible to you and your family. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t hurt you like that, yet I still ended up causing you pain. I thought that if I said I found someone else and treated it like a normal falling out of love instead of saying the contents of the previous paragraphs, the hurt would last shorter. I proved myself wrong with that. It pained me either way. I hope you move on from me. You deserve better. You deserve someone who would protect you and your loved ones instead of giving up. I’m sorry I couldn’t be just that, and I should’ve. I question myself everyday why I wasn’t. As for me, I know I will never find someone as good as you. Everyone else will always fall short. A part of me has loved you since I first met you, and since then I’ve only fallen in deeper. You’ve consumed my heart and my soul. I love you, Y/n L/n. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop. By the time you read this, the ring meant to be yours settles on the hand of another. But it will never be truly hers. One day, I hope you can find it in you to forgive me for the hurt I’ve caused. Maybe in some other universe, I never would’ve had to leave.

Yours, Jay

You finished the letter with a hand clasped to your mouth in a failed attempt at stopping yourself from crying.

You thought the wound was just starting to scab only for it to turn raw once more.

Jay was right. Maybe in another universe.

author's note / lowkey got emotional writing this ermmm.....

#juls writes <3 #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #enhypen jay #park jongseong x reader #enhypen jay imagine #park jongseong imagine #park jongseong angst #enhypen jay angst #enhypen jay x reader #jay park x reader #jay park imagine #jay park angst

131 notes · View notes

mischievouslittlecreature · 2 months ago

Text

Part 26: Do You Love Me

Summary: The aftermath.

Word Count: 5,342

Warnings: Angst, past suicide attempt, and sexual content.

Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter

Chapter 17: 'Til it Stops Hurting

“Is she alive?”

Lizzie waited with baited breath for Charlie’s reply from the other end of the phone line. The receiver felt slippery in her hand from sweat. She could hear blood rushing in her ears. A chill had settled in her bones. It wouldn’t leave.

“I don’t know,” Charlie said, and she raised a hand to her mouth. Tears welled of their own accord at the corners of her eyes. “She was when they took her in the ambulance, I think.”

“Tommy went with her?”

“Yeah. No way they were separating them. He nearly ripped off the arm of the first paramedic that tried to touch her.”

Yes, that sounded like something Tommy would do. He had probably panicked when they tried to take her away from him.

“I’ll never get the way that he screamed when he found her out of my head, Lizzie.” Charlie’s voice was grave, lowered an octave with worry and sorrow. Lizzie squeezed her eyes shut against the vivid imagining her brain immediately conjured up. An anguished howl, reverberating in her skull, that seemed to go on and on forever. Like someone had reached right into Tommy’s chest and ripped out his heart.

Like the world was ending.

She had been worried since seeing Lucy at the ballet. How dead her eyes had become. She had seemed smaller, somehow. And all that bright warmth that she had so often exuded was entirely absent. Not to mention the way that she’d walked right on passed them when Tommy had saved a seat for her next to them. That had shocked Lizzie to her core. No matter how mad Lucy would sometimes get at either of them in the past, she’d never done something like that before.

She understood that Lucy was probably depressed over the whole thing. But, Christ, she never would have thought that she would try to…

She jammed her eyes shut.

“Do you know which hospital they took her to?”

Charlie gave her the address.

“Right.”

“You’re thinking of heading over there?”

“I need to know if she’s alright.”

“Right, just be careful. He might be…”

Out of his mind with grief.

“I know. I will.”

She heard a sharp, high whining sound from Charlie’s end of the phone and frowned. “What was that?”

Charlie sighed, and she could hear the crinkle of the phone shifting when he adjusted it against his ear. “That was the dog. Poor boy keeps crying.”

“When I’m at the hospital, I’ll talk to Tommy about maybe bringing him home. So he’s at least with the other animals. We all miss him here.”

“Probably would be a good idea.”

“And I’ll pick up Lucy’s things from the yard to take back to Arrow House.” Enough of this ridiculousness, she decided. Lucy needed to be home. Where they could all watch over her and take care of her. Not that she didn’t think Charlie and Curly would do their best, but they already had Barney to worry about, not to mention all their other duties at the yard.

Besides, there was no way in hell Tommy would be letting Lucy out of his sight.

Assuming she’s still alive, of course. She shuddered, pushing that thought to the back of her mind. If Lucy were dead, she didn’t know what she was going to do.

“Yes, I think that would be what’s best.”

“Right. Call me if you get any more news, please?”

“I will.”

“Goodbye, Charlie.”

“Take care, Lizzie.”

She set the phone back into its cradle, hands raising to her face. Her fingers swiped at under her eyes, smearing her makeup and rubbing salty tears across her skin.

A rising feeling of horror towards herself was building in the back of her throat.

My fault. It’s all my fault.

Was this the type of person that she’d allowed herself to become? So jealous and bitter that she’d ripped apart two people she claimed to care about. Had she really so lost control of her resentment over the situation that she’d bullied Lucy into…into this?

Even if Lucy lived, Tommy would never forgive her. Hell, she didn’t think that she would ever be able to forgive herself.

It hadn’t been worth it. Not in the end. That was why she’d bent on the rules regarding Lucy. There was a time when she’d been content to blame all her unhappiness on Lucy. To think that if she just wasn’t here…

It had been the easier thing to do, to blame her. Because then she didn’t have to stare the far more painful reality in the face: Tommy wasn’t in love with her. And he never would be.

But even then, she had probably known deep down that it was all a lie. Lucy or no Lucy, Tommy didn’t love her. The redhead’s presence in their lives wasn’t the problem. It never had been.

And yet, she’d gone and kicked out someone who could have potentially been her greatest ally in dealing with Tommy. The second mother to her children. A woman who had just wanted to be her friend.

God, she could not even imagine the amount of pain that Tommy was in right now…

“Mum?”

She stared at the sound of Charlie’s voice from the end of the hall, quickly angling her back towards him and wiping at her eyes. Trying to hide the evidence of her tears. “Charlie, hey.” Oh, God. How much did he hear?

“Who was on the other line?”

“Just your Uncle Charlie, sweetheart.” She moved to usher him back towards the bedrooms. “C’mon, back to bed.”

But he looked up at her knowingly. “You’re crying. Has something happened?”

Lizzie hesitated. She couldn’t lie to him. But she also could not quite bring herself to tell him the truth yet. “Nothing that you need to worry yourself about right now, honey. C’mon.”

He didn’t look wholly convinced, but he let her shepherd him back into bed and tuck him in.

“Mrs. Shelby?” Frances was waiting out in the hall when she came out of Charlie’s room.

“Frances, will you come with me for a moment?”

The housekeeper looked puzzled, but nodded. Lizzie led the way down the hall, her eyes taking stock of the various doors that they passed. When they came to one near the end of the hall, she stopped, glancing back to her and the children's rooms. Yes. This would do. It was close enough, but there was still ample space between them that they’d have their privacy.

And she and the kids wouldn’t be at risk of hearing them in the middle of the night if they got a little loud.

She was trying to be better, but she wasn’t going to push her jealousy if she could help it.

Opening the door, she indicated for Frances to follow her inside. The bedroom was fully furnished, like all rooms in the house. Spacious. It wouldn’t be nearly as cramped. She went to the windows, checking for any drafts. There should be plenty of sunlight during the day.

When she poked her head into the ensuite bathroom, her eyes landed on the bathtub in the middle of the room, a shiver going down her spine at the memory of Charlie’s description of how Tommy had found Lucy.

But this bathroom was big. And it had a shower. In case they decided to get rid of the tub altogether.

“Mrs. Shelby, may I ask what we are doing?” Frances was standing in the middle of the room, puzzled.

“In the morning, I want you to have some of the staff move Lucy’s things from her room into here.”

Frances’s eyes went wide, and she could see an ember of hope starting to burn in her face. “Are you sure, ma’am?”

Lizzie looked around the room. “Yes. She should be closer to her family.”

Frances nodded. “Does this mean that Miss. Winters will be coming home?”

“I hope so.” Turning, she went to face the window again. It was still dark outside. But dawn would soon be upon them. Behind her, she heard Frances shuffle towards the door, then pause.

“I just want to say, this is a very kind thing you’re doing, Mrs. Shelby. For both of them.”

Lizzie looked over shoulder at her. “I should have done it a long time ago.”

“Well. Better late than never.”

Lizzie gave her a sad smile, nodding that she could be dismissed before returning her gaze to the outside, hoping that Frances was right.

∗ ∗ ∗

Lizzie took a deep breath, hand hovering at the door leading into the hospital room. She had a bag clutched in one hand, filled with clean clothes, toothbrushes, and an extra pack of cigarettes. She had no idea what she was about to walk into. She expected Tommy to be an absolute mess, but what type of mess he would be, she was entirely unsure.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open and stepped inside.

The room was brightly lit, the curtains open and allowing sunlight to stream in. The layout of it reminded her of the hospital room Michael had stayed in after he was shot by the Changrettas. With a bed in the corner, table in the middle, and a private washroom.

Tommy was seated in a chair by the bed, hunched over in a way that was guaranteed to make his back ache by mid-afternoon if he wasn’t careful. His coat and suit jacket were off, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, hands clasped firmly with one of Lucy’s on the bed, forehead bowed to touch against their interlaced hands.

Lizzie eyed the bandage wrapped around his left arm. From where they’d taken his blood, the nurses had told her. Because Lucy had lost so much that they had to give her a blood transfusion, but apparently whoever was supposed to restock the ambulance that came to get her had fucked up, and there were no blood bags on board. Tommy and Lucy’s blood types matched–how they knew that, she had no idea–and so he’d volunteered himself.

It was probably the only reason she was still alive. If they hadn’t done the transfusion enroute, she likely would have died from blood loss on the way to the hospital.

Taking a cautious step forward, Lizzie’s eyes fixed on Lucy where she was laid out on her back on the bed. Her red hair was fanned out across the white pillow, her skin a frightening paper-white, the dense freckles on her face standing out even more distinctly than usual. Her normally bright red lips were pale pink, and dark, sunken-in circles surrounded her eyes. There were several tubes connected to her arms, and thick white bandages were wrapped tight around each wrist.

If it weren’t for the slight rise and fall of her chest, Lizzie would have worried that she was dead.

Another bout of guilt washed over her at the sight, almost choking with it.

Worrying at her lower lip, she eyed Tommy warily. He’d made no indication of hearing her come in, despite her heels clicking against the floor.

She approached them cautiously, keeping an eye on Tommy the entire time until she was at the foot of the bed.

Oh, dear one…she reached out to touch Lucy’s ankle delicately over the blankets pulled halfway up her chest, and Tommy suddenly sprang into movement.

“Don’t fucking touch her!” he snarled, shoving her hand away, half curling over Lucy’s body protectively.

Lizzie stared at him in shock. He looked half feral, lips pulled back from his teeth and expression contorted with a growl. But what struck her the most was the complete and total devastation emblazoned across his face.

His eyes were red, swollen and puffy. Cheeks tear-stained. He’d been crying. Hard, from the looks of it. But the worst was the look in his eyes. She’d seen Tommy sad before, but the heartbreak in those two blue orbs was unlike anything she had ever seen. He looked completely and utterly distraught, broken beyond repair.

When he caught her staring at him, he quickly looked away, wiping at his face with his shirt sleeve and returning his full attention back to Lucy. Lizzie shifted awkwardly, wanting to reach out to him. To both of them. But if she did that, she would probably risk getting her hand torn off.

She couldn’t even really blame him. Not with the way she’d been behaving for the past few years.

“I brought you both some clean clothes,” she said finally softly, setting the bag down onto the floor by the foot of the bed. “Do you know when she’ll be released?”

No response. His eyes were open, but they were fixed intently upon Lucy, as if he were afraid if he looked away from her for one second, she’d disappear. Lizzie was not surprised at the silence.

“When she is, bring her home, Tommy. To Arrow House. She should be home. With her family. And maybe…” she hesitated, knowing that once she opened this particular door, there may be no closing it. But one look back at Lucy, and her resolve strengthened.

I’m tired of being the jealous, bitter wife.

She could be the bigger person. Like Lucy had tried to be all this time. Let go of the resentment and envy. Who knows? She might finally gain the friend and ally Lucy had always wanted to be towards her. Assuming of course that the other woman still had any interest in associating with her at all.

“Once you both get back and things have settled, we could discuss restructuring our arrangement. So she’s more included with us and the kids.” She took a step forward. “I told Frances to have her things moved to a room closer to mine and the children’s. And if you think it would be okay I can bring Charlie and Ruby to come visit once she’s awake. I’ll pick up Shadow from Charlie’s yard and bring him home. So he’ll be there when you and her get back.” Her gaze moved rapidly between him and Lucy. “This will never happen again, I promise. I’ll keep a hold of myself from now on. I’ll never say a cruel thing to her again. You do whatever you have to do from now on to make sure she’s okay. Just…bring her home.” She drew in a gasping, shaky breath, realizing that she’d been rambling and stopping herself before she said anymore. The rest could be ironed out later. When he was more lucid and Lucy was actually awake. “I’ll leave you alone, now. Just call me later, if you can.”

He still made no indication of even hearing her. But he made no move to stop her this time when she stepped around him and bent to press a light kiss to Lucy’s brow.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and started to head for the door.

“Lizzie.”

She froze that the hoarse rasp of Tommy’s voice, head turning to look back at him. His gaze was still fixed on Lucy, even as he spoke to her.

“Thank you.”

She nodded, and departed from the room.

∗ ∗ ∗

A body cannot live without its heart.

It was a simple rule of biology. A fact of the universe. Indisputable. Certain. Unchallengeable.

Tommy closed his eyes, forehead resting a little heavier against his and Lucy’s joined hands. Her grip was nonexistent and limp in her unconscious state, but that was alright. His grasp on her was tight enough to make up for it.

His heart did not reside inside his chest. No; it was with her. Always.

What other explanation was there, for his inability to live without her?

There had been a moment, in the ambulance right before he offered up his arm for them to draw blood to keep her alive, when he thought that she was gone. It had been the worst moment of his entire fucking life.

Take all of it, if you have to, he had thought as they punctured the skin of his inner arm, blood beginning to draw out into the tube to be transferred to Lucy. I don’t care. So long as it keeps her breathing. I’ll gladly open an entire vein and pour all my life into her if I have to.

He closed his eyes. She had almost died. Been right on the precipice of it. He had felt it.

And she had intended to go willingly.

His fault. All his fault. He’d made her so unhappy that she’d gone and done this to herself. When she left, he hadn’t fought hard enough to keep her by his side. To show her that she was wanted. That he still loved her so much that he would do anything for her. Instead he sat around and did nothing, letting his wife and his family tear and claw and break away little pieces of her, bit by bit, until she didn’t even want to live anymore.

It was no wonder that she thought he didn’t love her.

And now all he could do was sit uselessly at her bedside, holding her hand and swallowing down tears.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered, kissing her hand, silently begging her to wake up. To blink those big eyes at him and touch his face, so he could hold her and kiss her and surround her in his comfort and love until she never doubted him again.

How much better she would have been off without him. All he’d even done was weigh her down. She deserved a thousand times better than him. Always had.

“Mr. Shelby?”

He looked up at the sound of one of the nurse’s voices. She was hovering next to him, expression nervous, something clutched in her hands.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but, in light of Miss. Winters’s injuries being…self inflicted, the doctor wanted me to go over options for her future placement with you.”

“Future…placement?” he straightened, trying to hide the way that he cringed at his back popping in several places. He did not let go of Lucy’s hand.

“There are several psychiatric facilities that we recommend. I’ve brought some pamphlets…” She held them out to him. Tommy stared down at them uncomprehendingly.

Away. They wanted him to send his Lucy away. When their separation was what had caused this whole bloody thing in the first place.

“That won’t be necessary.” He turned back to Lucy.

“Mr. Shelby, in cases like these, it really often is best for everyone if the patient is–”

“I am not sending her away to a nuthouse, to be drugged and poked and prodded and treated like a fucking animal!” he shouted, temper snapping, memories of the asylum where they’d visited Barney whirling behind his eyes. He thought of Lucy, locked behind bars and strapped into a white straightjacket, forced to sit alone in the cold and dark, injected with all manner of drugs and other substances to keep her docile, and felt ill.

The nurse opened her mouth to respond at the same moment that the door opened and Ada walked in. Her brows were raised. Probably she’d heard him yelling out in the hall. The nurse looked between them, then leaned over to set the pamphlets down on the bedside table, next to the vase filled with a bouquet of red roses Tommy had bought from the hospital’s gift shop.

“Please just consider the options, Mr. Shelby,” she said softly, before departing.

“What the hell was that about?” Ada asked as soon as the nurse was gone, shrugging out of her coat and hanging it on the back of the chair she pulled up to sit down beside him. Tommy rubbed at his eyes, suddenly deeply exhausted.

“They’re suggesting I have her locked away in a madhouse,” he growled irritably.

“Hm.” Ada leaned over to pick up the pamphlets that the nurse had left, thumbing through them. “How is she?”

“She lost a lot of blood.” He swallowed painfully, thumb stroking along her knuckles. “But she’s stable and they expect she’ll be awake by the end of the day.”

Ada nodded, dropping the pamphlets back onto the table, chewing on her bottom lip. “You know, a lot of these places aren’t as bad as they once were. Some are like…like community homes now. They do activities. Let the inmates walk around outside. You can visit whenever you like.”

He stared at her incredulously. “Are you serious?”

Ada squirmed in her seat. “I’m just saying…what if she needs more looking after than you can provide for her? Clearly things are much worse than we thought for her to go and…” she trailed off, gesturing to Lucy’s bandaged wrists. “If she’s too unwell to take care of herself…”

“Then I’ll take care of her.”

“Tommy, sweetheart, you might not have the time.”

“I will take care of her, Ada,” he repeated, putting strong emphasis on each word, meeting her eyes sternly. She searched his gaze, and he saw understanding enter her face. She nodded.

“Okay.”

Returning his attention back to Lucy, he stroked his thumb across the back of her hand. Her fingers still felt very cold in his. Reaching out, he pulled the blanket a little further up her chest, frowning. He didn’t want her to get chilled.

The hue of her skin was still frighteningly pale, her lips pulled into a downward frown in her sleep. Tommy ached to see her smile again; to observe the way that it bloomed across and transformed her entire face, creating laugh lines around her eyes, stretching her lips, and brightening her features. It used to be so easy for him to make her laugh. She always giggled at even the most terrible of his jokes, eyes sparkling when she looked across the table or room at him mischievously in reaction to whatever cheeky thing just passed his lips.

“It’s my fault, Ada,” he whispered.

“No, Tommy, don’t do that to yourself. Lucy wouldn’t want–”

“I wasn’t there, Ada. She needed me, and I wasn’t there.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been so focused on all this business with Mosley and Michael…I let what was happening between us get pushed aside. I didn’t address it like I should have. I just left her alone.” Yes, part of that had been in reaction to him thinking that was what Lucy wanted him to do, but truth be told, part of why he hadn’t fought her harder on it was because it had been convenient for him to just let things lie. So he could keep his attention on plotting Mosley’s demise and trying to figure out Michael’s plans. “I broke her, Ada.”

“Oh, Tommy…no. No, I don’t think that’s true. I mean, you and her’s recent problems certainly didn’t help things, but Lucy’s never really recovered from what Luca did to her. Maybe this was just a…a delayed reaction to all of that.”

Tommy shook his head furiously. “I didn’t do enough for her. I made her think I didn’t love her anymore. That’s why she–” he couldn’t say the words, throat closing in tight around them. Passing a hand across his eyes, he sucked in desperate breaths, trying to stuff down sobs. “I should have never married Lizzie. Or I should have gotten divorced as soon as it became clear she was never going to fully accept my relationship with Lucy.”

“Are you? Going to divorce her, I mean?”

“I don’t know. Lizzie says that she’ll be on her best behavior from now on. I think she might even mean it, this time. But…” he trailed off, staring into space, suddenly aching for a cigarette.

“...But?” Ada prompted. Tommy roused and shook his head.

“It’s up to Lucy.” Whatever Lucy wanted him to do, he’d do it.

“What if she asks you to leave your wife and marry her instead?”

“Then I’ll get divorce papers drawn up and dig out the ring I’ve got hidden in my sock drawer.”

Ada’s head snapped around to him. “What ring?”

He shifted. Shit. Probably shouldn’t have brought that up.

“Tommy…” Ada said very quietly. He squeezed his eyes shut, dreading the question he already knew was coming. “Why do you have an engagement ring hidden with your socks?”

He sighed, swallowing hard, pulling a cigarette from his case in his pocket and fumbling with it in an attempt to put off answering her. Ada was still staring at him expectantly. He scratched at one eyebrow with the thumb of the hand holding his cigarette, trying not to meet her gaze so she wouldn’t see the ache currently blooming in his chest reflected in his eyes.

She shifted a little closer to him, leaning forward.

“Tommy…how long have you had that ring for?”

He coughed. “Since 1918.”

“1918!?”

He shrugged. Ada softened.

“I thought she said no.”

“She did. Technically. But I promised her that the offer would always be there, if she wanted it.” He looked down, swallowing painfully, refusing to let himself cry. “Yet another fucking promise I made to her that I broke.”

“Tommy, we both know that if she told you she wanted you to marry her, you would divorce Lizzie in a heartbeat and marry her as fast as you could.”

Ada was right, of course. The door was very much open. Through two marriages to two other women and two children, it still always was. So the ring stayed put. For whenever she decided she wanted it.

He could feel Ada staring at him, analyzing his response carefully. He was pretty sure, if he looked over to meet her gaze, he would have seen approval and maybe even a touch of pride in her eyes. Of all his direct family, Ada was perhaps the one who most understood the importance of Lucy to him.

He thought of Lucy’s big, broken, tear filled eyes, staring at him with blatant misery shining in them.

I don’t believe you.

How could he have let that happen? How could he have so spectacularly failed her that she no longer believed that he loved her? What the hell was wrong with him?

Sighing, he wiped at his eyes, cringing a little when they came away damp. He felt so tired. And lost. Completely and utterly helpless.

“What do I do, Ada?” He hated how childlike his voice sounded, unable to meet his sister’s eyes.

“I don’t know, Tom. Stay with her. Make sure that she feels loved. That’s the best advice I can give.” Her eyes went to the bouquet of flowers in the vase on the nightstand. “The flowers are a good start.”

He followed her gaze to them. “It doesn’t feel like nearly enough.” He wasn’t sure if he meant the flowers, or all of it. He would never be good enough for Lucy. Not in a million years.

“Stay here with her. Look after her. She’ll need you once she wakes up. I already called the House of Commons and put you down for a brief leave of absence. And the boys and I will take care of everything regarding the…other things. Don’t worry.”

He nodded. Most things for the assassination had already been arranged anyway. All there was left to do was wait for the day of the rally.

“How are they fairing with Barney at the yard?”

“Fine enough. He had an attack this morning, but Jeremiah and Arthur were there to calm him down. They’ve got him doing target practice.”

“Good.” He dreaded asking the next bit, but was unable to stop himself. “What about Michael and Polly?”

Ada hesitated. “No one’s seen or heard anything from Michael or Gina since the family meeting. Polly’s been at home, from what I’ve heard. I haven’t seen her, but I guess Aberama has been over there a lot.”

“Right,” he cleared his throat roughly. “Let me know if any of that changes.”

“I better be getting back. Call me if there’s anything more you need, alright?”

“Mhm.”

She stood and gave him a firm hug. “It’ll be okay.” Her hand rubbed his back warmly before letting him go so she could head to the door.

“Thanks for coming.”

She flashed him a sad smile, slipping out the door, and leaving him alone with Lucy and his tortuous thoughts.

He sat there for he didn’t even know how long, still holding Lucy’s hand, every once in a while pressing light kisses along her knuckles and the bandage covering her wrist, murmuring softly to her.

When her fingers twitched against his, he froze, gaze shooting intently to her face, watching with bated breath while her features pinched. He immediately worried that she might be in pain. The cuts on her wrists had gone deep, and the doctors had to do extensive stitches in order to close them.

“Lucy?” he asked, leaning closer.

She stirred again, head shifting against the pillow, brows twitching in a way that he recognized as her trying to fight back wakefulness in order to gain a few more minutes of sleep. He had seen that expression often enough when he had to rouse her in the morning.

Her eyelids peeled open slowly, squinting against the bright sunlight shining through the windows. He’d paid extra for a room with ample light, and yanked the curtains as wide open as he could get them. Hoping that the sunshine would maybe help raise her spirits. Even if only a little.

Her dark brown irises were glazed over with confusion, processing slowly where she was. He saw things start to fall into place as she took in him seated beside her, the hospital bed she was laying in, and the bandages around her wrists.

Her eyes locked in on his hand still holding hers. Tommy could see it when it all fully clicked into place for her what must have happened after she sliced herself open and lost consciousness in the bathtub.

“Lucy,” he sobbed out, hand moving to cup her cheek to make sure she was real. That she actually was truly back with him.

When she looked at him–really looked into his face, for the first time perhaps since she’d left Arrow House–horror, mortification, and regret passed across her features. Her lips trembled, eyes filling with tears.

“I’m sorry,” she started to cry in a fragile, broken voice, the sound of it nearly rendering him split in two. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry–” she didn’t seem able to say anything else, crying harder with each repetition of the phrase, chest heaving so violently he was afraid that she might hurt herself.

Scrambling, suddenly completely overtaken by the need to comfort her and be as close as he could physically get to her, he pulled himself up, wrapping his arms around her, in one quick movement sliding into the bed beside her and crushing her to his chest. She latched onto his wrinkled shirt desperately, apologies giving way to nothing but ragged sobs that seemed close to shattering her. Tommy held her tighter, burying his face in her hair, pressing his lips to wherever he could reach on her head, chest shuddering with his breaths. Tears streamed silently down his own cheeks. He was deeply aware that his arms around her may very well be the only things holding her together.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here. I’ve got you. Shh…” he murmured into her ear, rocking her slightly in his arms to try to soothe her. She burrowed into him, still crying even as he rubbed her back. “I’ve got you,” he repeated. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Tightening his arms around her, he held her firmly against him, until her sobs finally ceased and she laid quiet and still against him. He petted her hair gently, neither of them saying a word. They did not really need to. Instead he just held her, for hours and hours, in the silence of the hospital room.

Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter

Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment, reblog, or like. I always appreciate feedback and love getting the opportunity to interact with you and hear your thoughts!

#peaky blinders #tommy shelby #lucy winters #lucy winters x tommy shelby #tommy shelby x oc #lily writes #love me where i'm most ruined #peaky blinders oc #tommy shelby fanfic #thomas shelby fanfic

23 notes · View notes

puppyluvfics · 10 months ago

Text

NSFW Alphabet | Goo Gunil

Goo Gunil | WC: 1.2k Genre: smut Summary: nsfw alphabet game thing idk Warnings: this is just. PURE filth. I'm sorry. (No im not). NOT proofread, just straight up rambles. A/N: writers block is kicking my ass forgive me pookie bears ALSO! X is excluded bc i will Not be writing about him in that kind of detail <3

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s literally an angel idc, he would constantly ask if you’re okay and remind you to breathe and give you back rubs T-T AND omg stop he would be so quick to wipe you off if you hated feeling messy like that and he’d make sure the towel was warm and that you weren’t cold after. He gives me the vibes of someone who would give you kisses all over, like after he’d wipe something off of you, he’d kiss that spot to remind you that he’s so thankful and finds you so stunning. ALSO I feel like he’d be the kind to dress you, either in your own clothes or in something of his so you were swimming in it and comfy.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I mean. Come on now. He’s an arm guy,,, I feel it. Something about you gripping onto his biceps drives him nuts. I also feel like he would be really into like. He would be into hips and/or thighs… like something about how he could easily dig his thumbs into your skin without doing any real damage other than surface bruising… yeah…

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Now… hear me out on this. It could go one of two ways where he’d either really like to come all over you and make a mess of you OR he’s a “swallow it” kind of guy… either way, it’s going to involve holding you down in one way or another

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So who’s going to beat my ass if I say I think he likes to edge himself… that is all.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

You can’t tell me this man hasn’t gotten laid… look at him. Is he a sex god? I do not think so. BUT he for sure knows his way around and he gives me the vibe of not being scared to be told to switch it up if what he’s doing doesn’t feel good for his partner.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Man’s a classic guy, I fear… missionary 95% of the time, only switching it up when you want to

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I think he could go both ways, but leans toward serious… I dunno! I think he likes to make a big deal about it every time and take his time.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I’ll keep it brief - trimmed and neat <3

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

^^ Like I said, he takes his time for sure… foreplay? Oh, it’s happening. Teasing? Forever. He is putting his mouth ALL over you, worshipping you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcannon)

And if. If I say he likes to jack off in front of a mirror… then what?

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He gives me such vanilla vibes, but ig cumplay if anything… breeding maybe?

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He’s an at home/in private guy, don’t even joke yourself… he wants you all to himself and he wants you both to be so comfortable

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He’s a man so. Everything. LOL no jk but fr I think he really likes dirty talk and like. Sultry things that aren’t totally obvious, like you walking around in lingerie and “accidentally” showing it to him when you bend over, or asking him to touch you in a seemingly chill way only to find you aren’t wearing anything underneath, yknow?

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

He’s the least hardcore guy, I’m sorry. Yeah, he goes all out on stage but I think when it comes to sex, he’s so gentle and caring and sweet but still like… not a dominant, at all, but powerful. He doesn’t get off on obedience, you get me?

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

LOVES giving, I just know. Idk if I’d call him a munch per se, but I can just see him being the type to lay between your legs and make you come AT LEAST once before you even touch him. Also loves receiving! Somewhere between sloppy blowjobs and cock worship… yeah he’s gone.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Somewhere in the middle, for sure. He’ll speed up when you’re close, and he’ll go tantalizingly slow when you’re whining and begging for more, but he’s a rhythm guy…

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Big no, methinks. He likes aftercare and taking his time, but that doesn’t mean he’s against starting something he can finish later, like edging you a few times or rubbing you through your panties just to get you wet and needy.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

I think he’d try almost anything once within reason. Nothing extreme, obviously, but if you brought up the idea of trying a new kink or position, he’d be down to try it once, maybe twice if he liked it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

GOD forever. Hours. This man takes his time, you cannot tell me he doesn’t. He would love to leave you fucked out, even if it means he only comes once or twice.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I don’t think he’s against them, but they’re not the first thing that come to mind… he seems the type to find you fucking yourself and then want to “show you how it’s really done” you feel?

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

I mentioned earlier how I feel like he’d love to tease you when you whine, and I stand by that. When your thighs are pressing together and your hips are bucking and you’re grabbing at him, he’d slow down and taunt you, making you use your words, just because he likes to hear you and know the effect he has on you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s loud but only for you. What I mean is that he is going to be SO in your ear calling you pet names (lovingly or degradingly, tbh) and grunting, but he’s not putting on a show of it… he wants you to know what you do to him and how good you feel around him and how much he loves fucking you dumb.

W = Wild card (a random headcannon)

LISTEN. I cannottttt stop thinking about him wanting his partner to sit on his face and eat them out through their panties… like… not all the time but I cantttt get it out of my head.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He’s down when you’re down! He’s never going to pout about it if he’s in the mood and you’re not, but he would ask you to understand if he disappeared for a bit to take care of it, yknow? But whenever you’re in the mood… he is so on it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Not that shortly after, tbh. I think he’d be too protective and have too big of a desire to make sure you’re okay and clean and feel safe and loved and reassured, he’d only sleep after you fell asleep.

#xdh #xdh imagines #xdinary heroes fanfic #xdinary heroes imagines #gunil #goo gunil #gunil x reader #gunil smut #goo gunil smut #xdinary heroes smut #puppyluvfics

94 notes · View notes

raya-hunter01 · 1 year ago

Text

Homecoming

One Shot

Carmelo Hayes x Black Female OC! (Kayla)

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut

Summary: Carmelo is nervous about returning to his college alma mater FAMU for its homecoming. An alumni ball between his fellow brother Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity and sister sorority Alpha Kappa Alpha is taking place.

Why is he nervous, you ask? A special someone he took for granted is going and he has no idea how to make things right. Follow Carmelo down memory lane as he tries to figure out how to fix the mess he made. Will Kayla forgive him or will this end in disaster as Trick travels with Carmelo to be his wingman for homecoming weekend.

This was a story request from royalkay23 who gave me the music and ideas that we put together. I hope you enjoy it!

NXT Show

Carmelo POV

“Damn, another night, another show,” I sighed sitting down trying to unwind a bit before I showered and got on the road. Pulling out my phone I checked my messages.

“Damn, I already told Darnell, I was comin’ so what the hell he keep calling for?” I hissed putting in my code to listen to his voicemail.

“Man, I forgot you had a show, I talked to Angela, and she convinced Kayla to come this weekend. You better get ready to do some groveling to get yo’ woman man. I’ll see you down there, later bro,” his voice making my stress levels rise.

What does he mean she’s coming down? Fuck, should I even go? Will she even wanna talk to my ass?

“How did shit get so complicated,” I whispered pinched my nose truly frustrated.

Things used to be so easy; then we made it complicated by giving in to our desires. If only we never crossed that line, we would still be close.

I missed her, I knew the first day I met her that I wanted her to be apart of my life forever.

--------

FAMU Move in day 2019

“Remember we’re gentleman, carry their bags to their rooms. Be welcoming and act like ya’ll got some sense. Give them a couple weeks to get used to campus life before ya’ll start aggravating them,” our oldest fraternity brother Scott said as we all snickered.

“We got you, boss,” I said trying not to laugh as Darnell hit my shoulder trying to hold it together himself.

“No funny business Carmelo, this ain’t an opportunity for you to schedule your next hookup,” Greg hissed as I nodded scoping the parking lot not listening.

“Damn, I got her,” I said pointing to a beautiful young lady standing with her parents about to start pulling luggage outta their trunk. Oh, she bad….Legs and ass for days.

“You ain’t slick, you tryin' to holla at her,” Darnell whispered as I grinned. “I don’t know what you talkin’ about. If ya’ll will excuse me, I’m going to see if they need some help,” I said quickly making myself scarce before anybody could get a word in.

Making my way over to the family I couldn’t help but hear her mom fussing over leaving her daughter here. Smiling, I listened quietly trying to give them a minute before I interrupted.

“Mama, I will be fine,” she said reassuring her mother as they had her surrounded in a group hug. “You go to your classes and back to your dorm, these folks are a little too wild,” her mom said looking at a couple making out not far from us as I snickered.

Sorry mama, that’s something I wouldn’t mind doin’ to your daughter…Damn, Melo play it cool…

“Mama, I can handle it, I’m not going to be out here actin’ a fool but I will have fun sometime,” the Carmel beauty said being honest with her parents as her dad smiled.

“As you should, all work and no play sucks, babe give her a break. We raised her right,” her dad said as her mom took a deep breath.

“Yes, ya’ll did, now trust me,” she pleaded with a beautiful smile. Damn, a smile that could start a full-blown war….

“I do trust you, baby, it’s just it’s your first time away from home, and I’m worried,” her mom said looking around at their surroundings.

“Have you talked to your little boyfriend who couldn’t bother to be here,” her dad said with disgust.

“Daddy, Justin is getting ready to go to college too. It’s ok, he’s going to come up soon,” she said her tone trying to keep the conversation light and positive.

Well, let me introduce myself, maybe that can change the subject, it seemed the mysterious beauty didn’t want to talk about it.

“Excuse me, do you guys need some help?” I asked said as she turned around and instantly blushed when we made eye contact.

Damn she fine, fine, ok act like a gentleman and don’t embarrass yourself.

“Hi! Um, I guess we do,” she said looking around at all her things on the ground and in the trunk.

“What’s your name son?” her dad asked, as I grinned.

“I’m Carmelo, and I’m from the Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, sir. I’m apart of the fraternity welcoming committee. We help students move in on campus,” I said shaking her dad’s hand as he smiled at him.

“An Alpha man! I like that, I pledged to that fraternity when I was in college, my daughter here is a junior transfer and is pledging to your sister sorority Alpha Kappa Alpha,” he said proudly as my ears perked up at the new information.

“You don’t have to tell everybody, Daddy, I might not even make it. Hi, I’m Kayla,” she said shaking my hand as I felt myself falling into those beautiful brown eyes.

“It’s always nice to meet a fellow sister, welcome to the family,” I said gently kissing her hand. Her mother scoffed, clearing her throat and interrupting our moment as I reluctantly let go of her hand as her dad laughed.

“It’s nice to meet you as well ma’am,” I said taking her mother's hand in mine, kissing it as her smirk grew by the second.

“Oh, you charming, stay away from this one Kayla,” her mom said as I smiled nervously at her…Alright, don’t let her see you sweat.

“Uh, let’s get you moved in Kayla,” I said trying to change the subject, helping her dad pick up some of her bags. “I would love that,” she said smiling brightly at me.

For the next hour, I tried to learn all I could about her as we moved her into her dorm.

Her phone also had been ringing nonstop, but she ignored it. “He knows I’m movin’ so why blow me up like this. I’ll call him back in a minute,” she said as we carried up the last of her things.

“When you do….Tell him he should have brought his ass here to help us move you in if he wanted to know what you are doing every fuckin’ second of the day,” her mom said as Kayla rolled her eyes behind her back.

Poor thing was getting it from all ends, I could see she needed a break from her mother, and it seemed her boyfriend.

Her parents walking ahead of us into her dorm gave me a chance to be nosey.

“Is that you and your man?” I asked, pointing at the wallpaper on her phone. Looking at the photo seemed to have her conflicted, almost nervous.

“Uh, yeah he is, we’ve been together for two years,” Kayla said as I observed her uneasiness.

“Ok, well maybe when he comes to visit, ya’ll can come check out one of our parties. We throw the best ones on campus,” I said trying to make conversation not wanting it to end as I sat her bags down inside.

“That would be cool, thank you for helping us, maybe I’ll see you around,” Kayla said as I felt the excitement dancing in my chest.

“Yeah, you definitely will, might as well call me your new best friend,” I said turning on the charm as she laughed.

“Well, maybe I’ll see you around best friend,” Kayla joked as I walked out of her dorm with a pep definitely in my step.

Senior year was definitely shaping up.

------

“Aye, you planning to shower or what?” Trick asked bringing me out of my thoughts. “Yeah, I am, just was thinking about Kayla and if I want to go to the Alumni ball,” I said as Trick sat down in front of me and stared intently.

“Well, you deserve to have fun too, maybe ya’ll can talk and work this shit out. I mean it’s been four years, she can’t still be mad,” he said as I sighed.

“I said some fucked up shit that I can’t take back, I don’t even know how to approach her,” I said feeling helpless.

“You go up to her, apologize, and try to make it right. That’s all you can do,” Trick said as I stood up shuffling around the room gathering my things.

“Thanks, man maybe it’ll all work out and I’ll have fun this weekend,” I said as Trick smiled.

“Now that’s it, be positive and have fun this weekend. I’ll even go with you and be your wingman. I can tell you when to talk and when to shut the hell up, 'cause you talk too much sometimes,” Trick said as I laughed truly thankful for him and our friendship.

“Well, I might take you up on that, let me shower so we can hit the road,” I said heading to the showers.

“Aye, you gon’ get her back, you just gotta shoot your shot!” I heard Trick yell as I started my shower.

I truly hoped so but for now, I had to be realistic, I had a lot of groveling to do, and I was prepared to do it if it meant Kayla could be in my life again.

---

Delata Flight 193

Kayla’s POV

“Angela, I’m going to have fun and stroll with my sorors. I’m not going to resurrect issues from four years ago,” I said as she rolled her eyes at me.

“Ya’ll two need to talk and squash this shit, you know he didn’t mean it. He was jealous because he was in love with you…Still in love with you might I add,” she said as I scoffed.

“In love…..Carmelo…… Girl bye!” I exclaimed rolling my eyes. “Even if he was in love with me, it don’t make it right what he did. Have a conversation like an adult and not say spiteful shit. And can we just drop this conversation, you are ruining my buzz,” I said finishing my glass of champagne as Angela sighed grabbing her phone.

Damn, I guess she was going to be team Carmelo all weekend. Love my ass.

“So, he wrestles, that’s cool,” Angela said as I looked over and saw her scrolling through Carmelo’s Instagram as I smiled.

Many of our late-night talks about our dreams began to invade my mind. He was always passionate about wrestling so it didn’t shock me that he made it to the WWE.

Leaning back in my seat I sighed trying to get in the right head space for this weekend. I wanted to have a good time, it would even be better if I could avoid him.

“Girl, he got to work with the undertaker, look!” Angela exclaimed as I leaned back over and looked at his latest Instagram post on her phone.

“That’s awesome,” I whispered happy him. He looked so happy. As she scrolled to the next picture My focus went to the tattoo of an eye on his upper arm, it seemed to stir something in me, but I didn’t know what.

I felt like I knew the meaning of it but I couldn’t piece it together as I looked at the beautiful tattoo of a woman’s eye with makeup smudged. Angela quickly swiped to the next post before I could truly process it.

“So, are you going to talk to him this weekend? Angela asked as I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes trying to tune her out.

“No, I have no desire to talk to him, I’m over it,” I said as she laughed.

“Bullshit, you were in love with Carmelo, and you still are,” she countered as I snapped my head back looking at her wearing a frown.

“Don’t look at me like that, you gon’ put your big girl panties on this weekend, and get yo' man back,” Angela said with determination as I shook my head.

“He was never my man Angela; we just were two friends who had sex one night and it ruined our friendship. Worse mistake ever, I should have taken my ass home that night,” I said smartly as Angela sucked on her teeth.

“Nah, I don’t agree with that. Ya’ll were two friends who loved each other and were scared. He self-destructed jumping to conclusions and you were hurt by his assumptions,” Angela said as I got my air pods out of my purse.

“I’m done talkin’ about Carmelo, I’m takin’ a nap now,” I said putting my air pods in, turning my music on low.

“I know you can hear me so I’ma say this. I know he was wrong, but I think you are takin’ the one bad thing he did and erasing all the good. It wasn’t always bad Kayla and one mistake shouldn’t define him or his love for you, or your love for him,” Angela said as I continued to tune her out.

Yes, he did a lot of great things for me, I couldn’t deny it. Did the good truly outweigh the bad?

---

Crossing Day 2019

Kayla’s POV

This is supposed to be an amazing night for me, but I feel shitty. It’s nothing but chaos all around me as I see Carmelo and some of his fraternity brothers helping set up the stage for our ceremony that starts in an hour. I hate we got a late start.

My phone ringing for damn near the tenth time within the last thirty minutes is pissing me off as I see Justin’s number.

“What do you want Justin?” I asked, truly fed up, especially after the bomb he dropped this morning.

“I just wanted to make sure you were good,” he said as I pulled the phone away from my ear in disbelief.

“Justin, how am I good? You called me this morning to tell me you’re not coming. You knew how important this was to me,” I said trying to keep my emotions in check not wanting to mess up my makeup.

“It’s not that big a deal, it’s just a sorority thing,” he said as I felt the tears coming. “Really, so something I want to do isn’t important to you. Even though everything you do, I come and support you,” I said raising my voice as Carmelo made his way towards me.

“You ok Kayla?” he asked as shook my head, sighing as he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Who is that? Is that your so-called homeboy, I shoulda known his ass was there. I ain’t blind I know ya’ll like each other,” Justin hissed.

“Look, I got to get ready, I need to get my mind together,” I said trying to end the call.

“Well, that’s cold, you don’t even wanna talk about it. You must be spreadin’ your legs for his ass. Maybe we just need to call this shit off,” he said as I scoffed knowing where this was going.

Gaslighting 101, chapter five, Hide Your Guilt and Accuse Her of What You Are Actually Doing.

This bastard was cheating, and I knew exactly who it was with.

“You know I’m not cheating on you. Just grow a set and tell me you want to break up instead of playing games Justin. I know you sleeping with Regina, the jig is up, ok,” I said as the line got quiet.

“Look, it ain’t about her, I’m just sayin’ maybe we just need to end this. Experience new people and just have fun, I don’t want to be tied down right now Kayla,” he said as I took a deep breath and looked at Carmelo, who gave me a nod of encouragement.

"I'm here Kay," he whispered as I fought back tears. He was always there to pick up the pieces and wipe my tears.

“Justin, why did you have to do this today? It could have been any other day but today. Look, just lose my number because you’re officially blocked, it's over,” I said hanging up and blocking his number as Carmelo took me in his arms and I broke down.

“Hey, I got you,” he whispered as I cried. “I don’t think I can do this today,” I cried as his strong arms pulled me closer.

“Oh, yes you can and will because you have worked hard for this. Today is your day, don’t let him take that away from you,” Carmelo said as I nodded slightly pulling away a sad smile adorning my face as he carefully wiped my tears.

“No more tears, go get ready. I’m excited to hear your Crossing Introduction tonight. I know it’s gon' be fire, just like you, and make sure to shake that beautiful hair for me,” he said gently playing with my freshly silked-out hair.

“Ok, I’ll make sure to remember that,” I said reluctantly stepping back as Angela came running up.

“Girl, ya’ll can flirt later, we need to finish getting ready. See you in a few Melo,” she said pulling me away as I laughed.

“Never change Angela, and congrats!” he yelled as she waved back at him.

These two are a mess but it was time. It was time to step into my sorority destiny.

Everything seemed like such a blur as we waited in line with our heads down. I was getting more nervous as each new soror went before the crowd introducing themselves.

Focus Kayla you did well on the march, now it’s time to let them know who you are.

“Alright Kayla let’em know,” my new fellow Soror whispered as I smiled, tossing my head back and whipping my hair back and forth as the crowd screamed. Here goes nothing…

Stepping out of line and going to the front of the stage I felt nervous till I looked out and saw Carmelo about three rows back smiling at me.

“My…… Name….. is!” I shouted, loud and clear pausing between each word.

“What’s your name?!” the crowd asked as I smiled and began moving my body and hands in sync with my words.

“Kayla!”

“Yea!” (crowd)

“Belle!”

“Yea!”

The crowd participating as I said my name had my heart racing. Pausing, taking in the moment, I saw Carmelo wink at me.

Giving him a sexy smirk, I tossed my head back and began shaking my hair again just for him.

“Peaches!”

“Yea!”

Slowly lowering my head, I paused, building excitement as they waited to hear what my last name was.

“Taylor!”

“Yea!”

“And I am from the Peach State, the one and only Atlanta, GA! And this Georgia Peach has joined this great sorority and I’m this line’s number 17! I shouted with pride bending down into our stroll stance with a bright smile.

Finally releasing the breath I was holding, my eyes found Carmelo again as he licked his lips. His gaze grew more intense as Darnell whispered something to him.

Were they talking about me? I saw Carmelo dap him up sharing a mutual nod before he turned his attention back to me and winked.

"A'ight Peaches, I see you Ms. AKA!" he shouted as I smiled getting back in line.

Yes, it was over! I had done it!… I was an AKA….

----

Later that night

Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity House

Carmelo’s Room

“You sure you good?” Carmelo asked as I sat my drink down and curled up next to him on the couch. “I’m fine, thanks for being there tonight,” I said glancing up at him as he seemed to be in deep thought.

“It’s no problem, it was no other place I’d rather be,” he whispered caressing my face as I felt myself melting under his gaze.

“What are we doing?” I whispered as his lips slowly descended towards mine. “What we've always wanted to do,” he whispered gently taking my lips in a kiss as I moaned in pleasure.

“We can’t, I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” I whimpered against his lips as his arms encircled my waist pulling me onto his lap.

Feeling his hardness underneath me had me shook. He was hard from just a simple kiss.

“Mmhm, you feel that Kay? That's what you do to me," Carmelo whispered as I shivered. "Melo we can't," I pleaded as he silenced me with another kiss.

"We both want this, stop fighting it, baby. It won’t change anything, we'll still be us,” Carmelo whispered, his sexy voice casting a powerful spell over me.

Looking into his beautiful brown eyes I saw nothing but the truth in his words. Kayla just let go and give in to what you want.

"Tonight...Just for tonight," I whispered as Carmelo's grip on me tightened. "I got you," he whispered slowly undressing me.

I felt shy, as he tossed my dress, anxiously over his shoulder before caressing my breasts. “You are so beautiful, just everything I imagined you’d be and more,” Carmelo whispered kissing my neck as I moaned in pleasure, his masterful hands making quick work of my bra.

His words eased my nervousness and awakened the boldness in me.

Playing with the waistband of his sweats, Carmelo bit back a moan in anticipation. “Go ahead baby, you can touch it. I want you too,” Carmelo moaned as I purred at his words.

Nervously stroking him, his moans urged me on as his mouth feasted upon my neck. “Mmm, yes,” I moaned continuing to stoke him as he slid my thong to the side.

“You got a condom?” I whispered into the air as he nodded, reaching over, fiddling around in the drawer of the small lamp table beside us, as I claimed his lips in a powerful kiss.

His moan of triumph as he retrieved the condom and ripped it open made me tremble against him.

“Let me,” I whispered against his lips, climbing off his lap, slowly sinking to my knees, holding his gaze I slowly placed the condom over the tip of his length.

Damn he was way bigger than Justin, it caused me to pause in my actions and stare.

“Don't be scared, I'ma make you feel real good baby. I promise, now gon’ put it on and come take a ride,” Carmelo groaned, picking up on my nervousness as continued to stroke him.

My pussy quivered at his words; it excited me. Using my mouth, I slide the condom down over his hardened length as he bit back a growl, entangling his fingers in my hair.

“Shit! It’s like that baby?” Carmelo moaned, looking at me in amazement. “Uh huh,” I moaned looking at him, while taking him deeper into my mouth

“Got dammmn Kay,” Carmelo hissed as his head fell back against the couch in pleasure. “You like that,” I whispered as he looked at me through hooded eyes. “Hell yea, I love it but if you don’t stop, this gon’ be over before it starts,” Carmelo panted as I smirked releasing him.

“Mmm, I wouldn't want that, ” I whispered climbing back on his lap nibbing on his neck as he growled grasping my hips, slowly inch by inch filling my wet center with his hardened length until he was to the hilt. Our moans of satisfaction filled the tiny room.

“Fuck, you feel better than I ever dreamed,” Carmelo groaned against my neck as I began to ride him. “Mm, you too,” I confessed wrapping my arms around his neck as he began meeting my thrusts in desperate need.

“Yea, ride… Mmhm ride dat shit……Just like that Kayla,” Carmelo moaned encouraging me as we chased our end. “Promise me nothing changes….Mmm,Melo!” I exclaimed as he began gently massaging my clit with his thumb as I used his shoulders to steady myself bouncing with a purpose.

“Mmhm, nothin’ gon’ change, I promise Kay. Now let’s get this nut together baby,” he whispered as he took me higher and higher. “Yes! Melo, Mmhm I’m ready!” I cried as I rotated my hips against him hearing a low growl escape his lips that began to grow in volume as we shared each other’s love.

That’s what it was, love and it was scaring the hell outta me and by the look on Carmelo’s face I could tell it was scaring him too.

“Kay…Kay..Fuck!” Carmelo moaned, finally finding words as we were reaching our end. “I know, God I know," I moaned shuttering against him as our lips met in desperation.

“I’m cummin!” I whined against his lips as he caressed his tongue with mine, deepening our kiss.

“I’m right there with you,” he moaned as we exploded together. Collapsing against his shoulder I struggled to catch my breath as he held me tight.

For awhile, nothing was said as I relaxed in Carmelo's arms. I felt overwhelmed, I knew I had messed up…I had fallen hard for him. I felt my tears coming as Carmelo caressed my back.

“Don��t cry Kay, we good. See you doin' all this cryin' lately, I'ma have to get a tattoo of a tear on this shoulder. Better yet, ima put your whole eye up there with the makeup smudges and all," Carmelo said kissing my shoulder.

“See why you gotta tease me,” I said caressing his arms as he sighed.

“Look at me Kay,” Carmelo said lifting my head off his shoulder wiping my tears.

I would never tease you. I’m just glad you trusted me and allowed me to be there to catch your tears,” Carmelo whispered caressing my face, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

Yep….We fucked up….Big time.

---

“We're about to land Kayla,” I heard Angela say as I opened my eyes taking in my surroundings.

“I’m sorry I just meant to catch a small nap, not sleep the whole flight,” I said taking my air pods out and putting my seatbelt back. on.

“You good girl, it ain’t nothing like listening to music and letting it take you away,” she said smiling at me.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I said trying to shake the memories that were clouding my mind, and the other pieces of the puzzle coming together had me feeling overwhelmed.

Pulling my phone back out I went to WWE.com, turning slightly in my seat so Angela couldn't see. I would never hear the end of this if she knew I was looking at Carmelo's photos but I needed to see the picture again.

In my search, I found an article with the picture in question attached with several other backstage shots. I began skimming through the article and a question threw me for a loop.

WWE.com Exclusive

"So, what is the significance behind this tattoo of the eye with what seems to be makeup smudged?"

"I got it about three years ago, I got it to remind me of a special someone I knew in college. She was my best friend and my number one supporter. She encouraged me to chase my dreams, and I never forgot that."

"Well, are you two still in touch?"

"Uh, no we aren't, but who knows what the future holds."

---

“I can't believe he really got that tattoo,” I muttered to myself in disbelief. “Who got what tattoo?” Angela asked leaning over, trying to look at my phone as I quickly opened another tab.

“Uh, nobody I know, I was just thinking about the dream I just had,” I said which technically I wasn't stretching the truth very much. My memories with Carmelo were creeping into my brain and it scared me.

“I hope it was a good dream to start your weekend because we gon’ have fun these next few days,” she said as I sighed.

Girl, if you only knew I would rather be anywhere than Florida this weekend. This was dangerous, I had to keep my guard up.

Maybe I should have just stayed home.

---

The Next Day

PHIRSTPHAM Cookout

Carmelo’s POV

“Damn, it’s thick out here,” Trick said as I grabbed us a beer. “Yea, they partyin’ hard, half of them probably ain’t making it to the ball,” I laughed looking around trying to find Kayla.

“Aye, didn’t her homegirl tell you they’d be here? I’ma need you to chill man,” Trick said as I tried to shake my nerves still looking around.

“I know I’m jus…just,” I said stuttered as I spotted her. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Trick asked turning around to see what had me shook.

“Damn, is that her?” he asked smiling as I nodded still unable to speak. “You stupid as fuck if I may say so myself,” Trick whispered shaking his head as I growled.

“Look you ain’t gotta rub it in, you supposed to be helping me, and stop looking at her like that,” I hissed as Trick shrugged his shoulders.

“I am here to help you but I ain’t dead. Is that her friend?” Trick asked pointing at Angela. “Yea, that’s her, a straight pain in the ass but I adore her,” I said as Darnell came running up.

“Ooou! I know you see yo’ girl, she out here serving body for days!” Darnell exclaimed as Trick smirked.

“Man shut the fuck up,” I said seething as he laughed. “Now is that how you talk to your frat brother who just talked to the DJ and he’s about to play our favorite stroll with the AKAs,” he said as my eyes widened in shock.

“I know you didn’t,” I whispered as he smiled. “Yep, so get ready,” he said taking off towards the crowd.

"This idiot here is just fuckin’ stupid,” I said as Trick seemed confused. “What’s the issue, I mean a dance can’t hurt nobody,” he said as I sighed.

“In the stroll, I lead the Alphas and Kayla leads the AKAs,” I said as Trick's eyes lit up. “Oh, shit that’s perfect, maybe it will break the ice with Kayla,” he said as I drank the rest of my beer.

“If anything it may entice her to choke my ass out for being so close to her, but I guess I ain’t gotta choice,” I said as I heard the opening cords of Knuck if you buck by Crime Mob

“Class of 2020 and 2021 I need you on the floor it’s your time to shine,” the MC said as I saw the girls already dancing falling in line behind Kayla as she smiled brightly swinging her hips and arms.

“Aye, you betta get yo’ ass over there,” Trick said as Darnell was waving me over as I went to join my frat brothers.

“Taking my place in line across from Kayla felt weird as she seemed to not pay me any attention as she strolled with her line sisters.

“Let’s get it fellas!” I shouted blowing my whistle as we began steppin’ in sync with the girls doing our own stroll.

I saw Kayla look over at me in shock for a second before she recovered and continued leading her line sisters.

“Knuck if you buck!” Angela screamed as the AKAs kneeled deeper in their stance, killin’ it.

“I see ya’ll!” I heard someone yell as I cracked a smile. It felt good to stroll with my frat brothers and most of all Kay.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she danced, whipping her hair back and forth almost teasing me. She knows what that shit does to me. Trying to refocus I cut my eyes towards Angela as she smirked at me.

“Yeah, act like you know! Stop playin’ wit her, take us on out Peaches!" she yelled, swinging her arms as Kayla smiled, walking as only she could pretending one of her hands was a mirror as she fluffed her beautiful hair with the other.

The crowd parted, cheering them on while allowing them to pass as we followed closely behind them.

Damn, Kayla still could command a room like no other. “Uh, you can thank me now,” Darnell said as I looked back at him and rolled my eyes getting out of the line, trying to find Kayla again.

Kayla’s POV “We still got it, that was fun,” Angela said as I laughed. “Girl, AKAs gon’ always bring that heat,” I said smiling at her. “I know you saw him, so when ya’ll gon’ talk,” Angela said as I sighed.

Jeez can I have a moments piece without somebody telling me to talk to Carmelo.

“I didn’t see Carmelo, what are you talking about?” I said playing dumb.

“Oh, so you don’t know me now,” Carmelo said as I sighed looking at the amusement dancing in Angela’s eyes as I slowly turned to face him.

"I’ll let ya’ll two talk," Angela said practically running away as I scoffed. “I hate you!” I hissed as she laughed.

“Look can go talk, I think we both can agree it’s overdue and we don’t want to make a scene here,” Carmelo said as I looked around at everyone having a good time.

“Fine, but I’m not going far,” I said following him through the crowd as he led me to the side of the building.

The silence was defining as we both were trying to think of words to say to each other. It had been three years since we last saw each other after all.

I don’t know what came over me but I slapped him as hard as I could the sound echoing around us as Carmello stumbled rubbing the side of his face.

“A’ight I deserved that,” he said as I took a deep breath trying to not make a fool outta myself. I couldn’t let him know how he truly broke me.

“Yes, you did and more. You’re lucky that’s all you got from me,” I said as Carmelo raised his hands in surrender. “Kay, I know I hurt you and I’m sorry,” he said as I looked at him my expression unreadable.

“It's Kayla to you, only my friends call me Kay. Look, can you make this quick, I got something to do,” I said folding my arms over my chest.

“So is this how it’s gon’ be the whole weekend, you just ignoring me. I’m trying to apologize, Kayla,” Carmelo said as I tried to wrangle in my feelings.

“Why are you apologizing to a whore. I mean that’s what you said I was right?” I said as a look of defeat and horror crossed his face.

“I didn’t mean it if you would just let me talk,” he started as I cut him off.

“I’m just a needy whore that will ride any dick right,” I said slightly raising my voice as he cringed at my words.

“Look, I was drunk, and I said some shit I didn’t mean alright. You know I lo—,” Carmelo's voice trailed off as he looked down unable to look at me. What was he going to say?

“Carmelo, being drunk ain’t no excuse, I thought you were my best friend!” I exclaimed frustrated that I was letting him get to me.

I am your best friend! Regardless of how you feel about me, you are my best friend Kayla and I miss you. Can you please just forgive me? he pleaded as I tried to walk away. "Carmelo, please stop," I begged trying to walk away as he blocked my path. "Say you can forgive me, please," Carmelo pleaded, his eyes drawing me in as they stared into my soul. I couldn't look away if I wanted.

“Kay, you know I didn’t mean it, can we just agree to talk sometime before we both leave Sunday,” he pleaded as I finally nodded, not trusting my words as I saw Angela walking over.

“Hey, ya’ll good, Kay?" she asked rubbing my shoulder as I held back tears.

“Uh, yeah we were just talking about not letting the drama of the past ruin the weekend," I said wiping a few stray tears that had fallen as Carmelo sighed in relief.

“Well thank God, we all deserve a good weekend of fun,” she said my eyes still focused on Carmelo as he glanced quickly at the tattoo on his shoulder before looking back at me.

I felt a shiver run down my spine, as I tried to shake it off.

“Well, uh, I’ll let ya’ll get back to the party and I will see ya’ll tonight hopefully,” he said giving me a hug, catching me off guard.

Carmelo’s POV

I knew I was pushing it but I couldn't help it. I had to hold her in my arms. Come on beautiful hug me back.

I couldn’t let her go until she hugged me back.

I felt her trembling hands touch my back as I sighed in relief pulling her closer. “I’ma make it right, just let me please. I’m sorry Kay,” I whispered in her ear as I felt her relax against me. Angela smiled at me before leaving us alone.

"You hurt me, Mel," Kayla whispered as I felt my heart sink. “I wish I could take it back, baby,” I whispered honestly.

I didn’t know what else to say, I had played the scenario over and over in my head a thousand times. How different everything could have been if I had just told her how I felt that night. If I did, we wouldn’t be in this shit now.

“I need to go," Kayla whispered pulling away as I felt empty again.

"Yeah, me too, I hope I see you tonight," I said as she flashed a half smile.

"Maybe, I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there," she said not looking me in the eye slowly walking back back to the party.

Don't give up on me yet beautiful I whispered watching her walk away from me and carrying my heart right along with her.

----

Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity House

End-of-Year Party

Carmelo’s POV

It was the last party of the year, graduation was near but Kayla was occupying my mind.

We kept our word, after our night nothing changed. We woke up that next morning and went back into our regular routine. Two best friends who adored each other.

I had gone out with a few girls since then and Kayla was into her sorority life and wasn’t dating.

She had told me how she wanted to heal from the breakup with Justin before she dated anybody. I can’t help but admit I wanted more, and no girl could compare to her but I didn’t even know how to tell her.

"Let me get this straight 'cause you are confusing the fuck outta me. You like Kayla, but instead of telling her you bring Robin to this party. The girl who has made her life hell since she joined the AKAs. You stupid as fuck,” Darnell scoffed hitting me on the back of the head.

"Shit, you didn’t have to hit me, I know I’m wrong,” I said rubbing my head as I saw Kayla on the dancing floor dancing with Angela as I saw Anthony approach them.

"What the fuck is he doin'?" I hissed seeing my frat brother whisper in Kayla’s ear as she blushed, nodding as he pulled her away from Angela and they began dancing.

“Looks like he knows a beautiful woman when he sees one and he asked her to dance,” Darnell said as I growled.

“Fuckin’ freshman thinking he can come in here and do what he wants. Let me set his ass straight,” I hissed finishing my beer.

“Um, why can’t he ask her to dance? She’s single and so is he," Darnell said as I stormed past him not wanting to talk to his ass anymore.

Soon as I got closer Robin slid in front of me catching me off guard. "Hey, I have been looking for you, let’s dance," she said throwing her arms around me as I reluctantly danced with her.

I didn't know how to feel as Kayla looked at me in shock and uncertainty as Robin and I danced. I knew by her eyes she was hurt by my dating choice of the night.

Sighing I tried to play it cool as our eyes seemed to fall deeper into each other before she laid her head on Anthony’s shoulder avoiding my gaze as he seemed to be enjoying it a little too much for my liking.

"Motherfucka," I whispered as Robin pulled back looking at me. "What’s wrong babe?" She asked as I played it off. " Uh, nothin’ let’s go upstairs after this song. I know better things we could be doin', " I said as her eyes lit up.

Yea, I was wrong but I didn’t care at the moment.

"Hands up here now," I heard Kayla say as she moved Anthony's hands back to her waist. He had been trying to caress her ass.

"I'm sorry beautiful," he said as I saw red, I don’t even know what came over me as I stepped away from Robin and went towards them.

"What are you doing!? I know you ain't going over there, she don't need you to save her!" Robin hissed following me. Hell I don’t even know what I’m doing, but I know he ain’t gon’ be touchin’ on her like that.

"Aye, you need to keep your hands to yourself," I said interrupting their dance gently grabbing her arm and moving her behind me as I stepped in Anthony’s face.

"What is your problem, Melo?! We were just dancing," Kayla said as Anthony smirked.

"Ain’t it obvious, he can’t take somebody else takin’ an interest in you Kay, he just wants you to be his little plaything," Anthony said as I grabbed him by the collar snatching his ass up.

"My problem is every time I turn around yo’ bitch ass tryin’ to take something that belongs to me,” I hissed dangerously low as he laughed. "Oh, so she's yours huh," Anthony taunted as the music stopped and people began to stare.

"Let me talk to you for a minute," Kayla whispered grabbing my hand, as I let go of Anthony. I was getting more pissed by the second looking at his cocky ass.

"I know you new freshman, so you don't know me. Keep smirking, I'll knock all your fuckin' teeth out," I hissed, his smirk dropping instantly.

"No your not, let's go," Kayla said steering me towards the stairs as the music started back up.

"Don’t you go up there with her Carmelo! If you do I’m going home!" Robin yelled following us upstairs as Kayla rolled her eyes.

"Just go home, I'll call you later Robin," I said trying to not cause a scene seeing a few people were still looking at us.

"I’m serious, you go in there don't ever call me again," she said as Kayla opened my door pushing me inside before turning to face her.

"Good! It'll save him a trip to the free clinic! Anybody fucking you ends up with something bleach can't wash off and a ten day perscription of penicillin, Bye, irrelevant!" Kayla yelled slamming the door in Robins's face as I heard her scream on the other side of the door before walking away.

"Aye, you didn’t have to be so rude," I said as Kayla laughed sarcastically.

" Really, you wanna talk about rude. All I was doing was dancing with him and you come over acting like an asshole," she said as I invaded her space pushing her up against my door towering over her.

"I’m sorry ok, I just saw him touchin’ you and I wasn’t thinking," I said honestly caressing her face as she nervously bit her lip before my lips gently grazed hers.

"We need to talk Mel," she whispered as I groaned reluctantly stepping away from her. She was right we needed to talk badly but I didn't want to do it now.

"Ok, what are we talking about?" I asked frustrated the moment was ruined as she looked at me in disbelief.

"Are you serious? Well, let’s talk about why all of a sudden you actin’ like you my man," Kaylas said as I sighed feeling the anger in me boiling. She couldn’t see that I liked her.

"We’re friends Carmelo, remember that night wasn’t supposed to change us," she rambled running her hands through her hair, pacing.

"I know what we agreed on, I ain’t dumb!" I yelled as a knock on the door interrupted us.

"I heard yelling….Are you ok in there, Kayla?" Angela asked as she tried to calm her breathing before she responded.

The last thing I needed was Angela bustin’ up in here making matters worse.

"Yeah, I’m good I’ll be down in a minute so we can go," Kayla said as Angela tried to open the door.

"She’s fine Angela, damn!" I hissed as Kayla sighed. "Don’t get no attitude with me 'cause you fucking stupid. Jealous ass, I’ll be downstairs Kayla,” Angela said as quietness filled the room.

"What are we doin'? This isn’t us, why are we arguing with each other Carmelo. What’s really wrong?” Kayla asked.

Ok, tell her how you feel…This may be your last chance.

" I’m cool, we’re cool. I’m just trying to say before you put yourself back out there, just know women can’t do what men do," I said as Kayla frowned at me.

"What are you tryin' to say?" she asked as I tried to choose my words wisely. "I don’t want a bad reputation following you, I mean all it takes is you opening your legs to one of these idiots and then you are labeled as a whore," I said as I saw the flash of anger cross her beautiful face.

Fuck, I opened the gates of hell.

"Are you saying I’m a whore!?" Kayla exclaimed as I growled. "No! I ain’t sayin’ you’re a whore! I’m sayin’ don’t be out here in these streets grinding up on these clowns like a needy whore that will ride anybody’s dick," I said as Kayla reached up and slapped the fuck outta me.

How dare you? I wasn't grinding on no motherfuckin' body, we were just dancing. Meanwhile, you fuck anything with a gash and me simply just dancing with someone leads to a conversation as to how you don’t want me to be a whore..You're unbelievable," Kayla said throwing her hands up in frustration as I rubbed my face.

"Look, I ain’t gon’ argue with you. I said what I said and if you don’t like it, you can leave. I’m sure Anthony is ready to make you his new little plaything anyway. I’m sure he’ll love that lil trick you do with your mouth,” I said not believing the words coming out of my mouth.

I was supposed to be telling her I loved her, but here I was spewing venom towards her because another man was interested in her.

"I tell you what, I’d rather be his plaything than your so-called best friend? Hell, maybe he can actually satisfy me better than you did, so fuck you! she yelled storming out of my room, slamming the door behind her.

"DAMN ITTTT!!" I yelled sinking into the couch as I realized the finality of my words.

I had lost my best friend and the woman I loved.

-----

"Aye, earth to Melo! I heard Darnell yell as I cringed. "Stop yelling, I heard you," I said trying to get myself together. " I saw ya'll talking is everything good now? he asked as I smiled.

" We're gonna get together before the weekend is over," I said honestly feeling a little about the weekend. "That’s good to hear, hopefully, ya’ll move past this,” he said as we went back to join the party.

I hoped so, I knew one thing was for certain tonight was the time to shoot my shot and I planned on making my intentions loud and clear.

I wanted Kayla and nothing was going to stop me from telling her this time, not even myself.

------

liked by darnellAlpha, AKAangelaLove, @Carmelo_wwe, and 1,000 others

KaylaAKA4Life: Enjoying this weekend and living life to the fullest with my Sorority sisters and fellow Alpha brothers. Let's Party Ya'll! #AKAsDoItBetter #FAMUHomecoming2023 #FAMUAlumni

This user has disabled comments

-----

PHIRSTPHAM ALUMNI BALL

Kayla's POV

“Angela thank you so much for helping me find a dress,” I said looking myself over in the mirror as she touched up her makeup.

The Emerald gold hue colored dress looked good on me. The dress being off the shoulder with the built in bra enhanced the beauty of it. Also, who could go wrong with showin' a little leg. Yea, I’m wearing the hell outta this dress right now if I may say so.

“Yea, I was gonna comment on your Instagram post, but you disabled your comments bitch,” she said as I shrugged my shoulders.

“Yes, I did because when Carmelo liked it I kind of panicked. I knew he was going to comment next, then his fans would see it and I ain’t with all that attention,” I said as Angela nodded in agreement.

“Ah, I get it, I actually don’t blame you on that one,” she said as we made our way back into the dining hall. The night had been going well but I was getting ready to soon leave.

Two hours was enough for me and I hadn’t seen Carmelo yet so my nerves were a little on edge. I can’t believe how just a hug from him was breaking down the walls I had built up. But for now, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my weekend.

“Heeeyyy, the party jumpin’ now,” I said looking at the crowded dance floor. “Gril, here come Anthony, don’t look,” Angela said as I sighed truly not in the mood.

“Damn,I was hoping he wouldn’t see me,” I whispered. I knew he was going to ask me to dance. Now don’t get me wrong, “I’ll give all my love to you” by Keith Sweat is one of my favorite songs but I ain’t dancing with his ass.

After the blow up with Carmelo I pretty much stayed away from his frat house all together. That didn’t stop Anthony from spreading rumors that he and I had slept together. So, yea I had to rock his shit one good time too.

“You ladies look amazing,” he said sizing us up as Angela cleared her throat. “Thanks, Anthony” I said as he smiled brightly at me.

“Kayla, may I have this dance?” he asked as I felt someone grab my hand gently bringing it to their lips. I actually sighed in relief seeing it was Carmelo as he smiled at me.

“She’s with me Anthony, ain't nothin' changed Bruh. Let's go Kay, I owe you a dance,” Carmelo said smoothly steering me away as Angela smiled.

“Well ok then Melo, come through boo,” Angela said as I blushed. She always hyping him up in his bullshit.

“Thank you, I was about to have a flashback and was probably gon’ rock his ass again like I did you earlier,” I said as he laughed pulling me close on the dance floor as we danced.

Carmelo’s POV

Step one complete I had her in my arms again our foreheads touching as I caressed her waist swaying to the music. She felt so good, this was a dream it had to be.

I love you in the night

I wanna take it real real slow, my baby

I understand what you told me

And if I, I didn't know

I always wanted someone just like you

“Thank you for dancing with me,” I whispered as she pulled back slightly, those beautiful eyes stirring something deep in my soul.

“Thanks for saving the day like you always use to do,” she smiled as I felt all my troubles melt away. She just didn’t know but I would always protect her.

I really need to hold on, hold you

I'd give the world to you, oh my darlin'

You know I will

Yeah yeah you know i will

I surely will

“You are so beautiful; you know that right?” I asked, caressing her face as she looked away.

“Carmelo,” she started as I cut her off gently grasping her face making her look at me. The more I stared into her beautiful eyes, it seemed the more I got lost.

“Just be in the moment with me,” I pleaded, gently kissed her forehead, as she relaxed in my arms.

I will never do anything to hurt you

I'll give all my love to you

(I'm gonna give you every bit of my love, my love)

And if you need me, baby, I'll come runnin' (yes I will)

Only to you (yes my baby yes I will)

I looked over and saw Trick dancing with Angela as he smiled at me giving me a thumbs up. Smiling, I closed my eyes just enjoying Kayla being in my arms again as she laid her head on my chest.

One of her hands resting on my back as the other caressed my arm and not just any arm but the one that contained the tattoo I had joked about getting four years earlier.

“You remember, don’t you? You know it’s your tattoo,” I whispered in her ear,unafraid of the answer as she nodded against me.

I no longer had anything to hide from her.

Girl I've been longing for you baby for a long long time

Let's make love tonight

I can make me feel real good baby

I can make feel real good baby

Sometimes, sometimes I get a little lonely, baby (so lonely baby)

“Why,” she whispered as I leaned down and gently placed a kiss on her bare shoulder. “Why wouldn’t I? I wanted to carry you with me always, you’re my best friend and I love you,” I whispered as I felt her still in my arms.

And I need a little love that I can call all mine (I need some lovin')

Girl, you are the one for me, babe

I know that you are the world for me, babe

“I can’t do this, I’m sorry,” Kayla whispered pulling away, walking off the dance floor.

Defeated, my eyes met Trick’s who pointed, silently telling me to go after her.

He was right, I couldn’t let the chance pass me by again. I rushed off the dance floor determined to catch her before she left.

Kayla’s POV

“Don't fall for it... He didn’t mean it Kayla, stop being weak,” I muttered to myself pacing. I felt in flight or fight mode as I saw Carmelo rushing towards me. “Look, I forgave you ok, so you don’t have to do this,” I cried trying to put some space between us as I tried to leave again.

“Kayla we can’t keep running from this baby,” Carmelo said blocking my path as I felt my anxiety rising.

This couldn’t be happening right now, he didn’t love me, he couldn’t.

“Why are you doin’ this!?” I cried as he caressed my face. “I’m doin’ It because I should have told you that night. I should have told you that I loved you,” Carmelo confessed as I felt the room closing in.

“No, no, you couldn’t have,” I whispered as I felt the air rushing out of my lungs.

“I’m sorry to just spring all this on you but, I don’t wanna make the same mistake twice. I can’t let you walk away from me again without telling you. I still love you Kayla and I know you love me too,” Carmelo declared without fear, claiming my lips in an eager kiss.

I will never do anything to hurt you

(I would never, never do one little thing to hurt you)

I'll give all my love to you

My mind was fuzzy as our kisses became more passionate, was this really happening right now.

“I’ma leave, and give you some time,” Carmelo whispered against my lips as I whimpered at the loss.

“I want you to come to me when you’re ready to admit you love me just as much as I love you, he said gently brushing his lips against mine before rushing off towards the elevators.

And if you need me, baby, I'll come runnin'

Only to you

Running towards the bathroom I locked myself in a stall trying to process what had happened. All this time he loved me, all this time lost.

Did I love him? Who am I kidding, I’ve always loved him and I thought I was over it until I saw him today, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

His words continuing to echo in my head as I got myself together. Finally building up the courage to come out of the bathroom I ran into what felt like a brick wall as a strong set of arms steadied me.

"Hey, I'm Carmelo's friend Trick. I was looking for him, have you seen him,” the gentleman said as I looked at Angela,who stood behind him.

“He left and went upstairs,” I said as Trick frowned. “So did ya’ll talk?” Angela asked as I nodded.

“Kayla, did he tell you how he felt?” Trick asked as I nodded again.

"Uh, can you give us an answers and stop all that damn nodding," Angela said I sighed.

“He told me he loved me and that he always had,” I said overwhelmed as Angela squealed in delight. “I knew it! My eyes don’t fool me," she said as I wiped my tears.

“How do you feel about what Melo said?” Trick asked as I contemplated his words.

“I love him too;” I said feeling relieved to say it out loud as Angela hugged me.

“Then go to him,” she whispered as I nodded in understanding. I guess this is what she mean the other day about me putting my big girl panties on.

I had to tell him he wasn’t wrong, I did love him.

“Trick, Do you know what room he’s in?' I asked as he smiled. “Room 984,” he said without hesitation as I gave him a hug.

"Thank you and it was nice meeting you," I whispered as he laughed returning my embrace.

“Nice metting you too Kayla, and I’m sure we will be hanging out soon. Especially if your friend Angela here gives me her number,” he said as I smiled at him before I took off towards the elevator.

“Get ya’ man and have some mind-blowing sex you deserve it!” Angela yelled as Trick laughed. "Trick you better keep your eyes on that one," I said getting on the elevator anxiously waiting for the doors to close.

I felt nervous, the elevator seemed to be going so slow. I almost changed my mind, but the loud dinging noise let me knew I had reached my destination as I walked in a daze to room 984.

Taking a deep breath, I lightly knocked hoping he wouldn’t hear me, and I could leave.

“Damn no such luck,” I muttered as I heard him fumbling around the room. Just do what you feel Kayla, you already know he feels the same. Speak your peace and leave it at that.

Last night I thought to back to when we made good love

Listenin' to some Marvin Gaye all night long

Now I want that old thing back

It was like time stood still as he opened the door clad in only a towel and a surprised look on his face. Wasting no time and closing the distance between us, I leaped into his arms, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss.

It’s power startling us both as we moaned in pleasure as our ever-present need for each other continued to grow more intense by the second as we got lost in each other.

Reluctantly parting to catch our breath, Carmelo looked at me in wonder, caressing my hips.

Make these moments once again a fact

So won't ya, won't ya, uhhh, do it for us, babe

“So, you do love me?” he whispered in disbelief as I caressed his face his piercing gaze had me under his spell.

“I love you, Carmelo,” I whispered against his lips as he groaned reclaiming my lips, pulling me against his bare chest and into his room, slamming the door.

“I love you too, baby,” he moaned as his hands masterfully unzipped my dress causing it to fall at my feet as I shivered feeling exposed under his intense gaze.

“Are we really doin’ this?” I panted as his eyes continued to roam my body. “Yes, and your even more beautiful than I remembered,” he moaned, his breath now hot on my neck as he slowly grazed his lips across my neck, helping me out of my underwear.

I couldn’t contain my moans of pleasure as Carmelo entangled his fingers in my hair, kissing and nibbling on my neck.

Purring against him I felt myself losing control as his towel fell, a barrier no longer between us.

Good lovin, body rockin' knockin' boots all night long yeah

Makin' love until we tire to the break of dawn

But oh, come on, a-come on

“Melo, baby,” I moaned as he growled, his hands caressing my breasts as he teasingly sucked and nipped at them as my grip on his head tightened.

“I need to taste you, Peaches, I bet you taste so sweet,” he groaned using his tongue, licking a path from my stomach to my pelvis as he kneeled before me.

And turn the lights down, and let me get on it, yeah

‘Cause when I do, just me and you, it'll be so right

“Can I taste you, Peaches?” he moaned caressing my thighs wrapping them around his shoulders as I trembled with anticipation as he kissed my inner thigh trailing his tongue over my wet center.

Carmelo’s POV

“Yes! Please baby,” Kayla gasped, arching her hips against my tongue as I tasted her. Her hands gripping my face as I licked and sucked on her clit. “Mmm, you taste so sweet peaches. I knew you would baby,” I praised, her eyes rolling back in her head as I pleased her.

Her moans urging me on as I swirled my flattened tongue around her swollen sensitive clit over and over as she whimpered underneath me.

A-give me some good love

(Somebody rockin' knockin' da boots)

A-give me some good love

(Somebody rockin' knockin' da boots) Somebody rockin', baby, ooh

“Carmelo! Oh, fuck!” Kayla moaned as I groaned savoring her taste. Gripping her ass and standing up while still lapping up her juices, I lifted her higher into the air.

“What are you doing!” she gasped in shock and pleasure as my hungry eyes met hers. Her back planted firmly against the wall as she shivered against my mouth.

“I'm eating my dessert baby,” I moaned devouring her sweet wet center as her legs trembled around my neck.

I feel so good when I'm near you

That's why I always wanna be close to you

“Give me what I want Peaches,” I moaned against her as her gasps were coming in short spurts, I knew she was close.

“I want it now Kayla,” I moaned swirling my tongue one last time around her clit before taking it in my mouth sucking it gently as she rode my face, her head thrown back in pleasure.

"Oh God! Melo, I...." She trailed off as her whole body began to shake as her orgasm hit her strong as I slid my tongue inside her making her scream and writhe against my mouth as her orgasm continued to overtake her.

I moaned loudly as her essence drenched my mouth as I welcomed it.

Enjoying watching the pleasure on her face, I gently unwrapping her thighs from around my neck. Maintaining my grip, I slowly slid her down my body as she leaned forward kissing me with urgency.

“I need you,” I panted against her lips as she arched her back against the wall as I entered her swiftly, as a strangled moan escaped her beautiful lips.

I'm so addicted, I'm so addicted

To makin' love to you, baby

All night long, baby, all night long, long, long, long

Her moans mixed with the feel of her pulsing around me had me reelin’. “Fuck! Shit, I missed this Kay,” I confessed reclaiming her as she clawed at my back.

“I missed you too Carmelo,” she moaned as I bounced her with ease on my dick. Her arms around my neck and her knees locked on top of my arms as we rocked against each other.

“Yea, bounce on this dick… Bounce on it like a good girl. You like how this dick feels in this pussy don’t you?” I moaned.

“Carmelo, yes! Fuck me! Umph,” She groaned sucking on my neck, her wetness soaking my dick as it got louder with each thrust.

Kayla’s POV

“Yea, this that grown man shit, you like it don’t you? That pussy so wet for me Peaches, you takin’ it so good baby,” Carmelo praised as I whimpered against him. “Yes! I love it!” I screamed holding on for dear life.

He was right, we weren’t shy college kids anymore. This truly was real grown folks shit and I loved it. Clawing at his shoulders in disbelief and pleasure, I felt that familiar tingling starting to surge downward. Good lovin', body rockin' all night long, oh, oh

Makin' love until we tire to the break of dawn

“I feel you baby, don’t fight that shit,” Carmelo panted as I whined not wanting to cum just yet. “I got you, I’ma make you cum,” he groaned as I gasped, his thrusts becoming more powerful as he revealed his plan for the night.

“Tonight, you gon’ cum again…and again…and again…and again,” he groaned as I fell apart in his arms, his mouth swallowing my cries as he held me tight.

“Yea, that’s it, you so fuckin’ beautiful,” he whispered against my lips.

But oh, come on, come on and turn the lights down, and let me get on it, uh

‘Cause when I do, just me and you, it'll be so right, so right, so right

Each stroke masterfully takin’ my breath away. “I want you to cum baby,” I whispered wanting him to let himself go.

I wanted to see his face as he found his sweet release as he eased us onto the bed towering over me. “Spread them legs wide for me Peaches, we gon’ get this one together, baby,” he groaned, his mouth once again overpowering mine as his strokes became deeper and harder.

“Yes! Carmelo! Cum with me,” I gasped as the new position allowed him deeper inside me.

“Mmhm, I’m real deep in this pussy, it feels so good too baby,” he praised. Moving in sync with him I knew he was close. His muscles began to twitch under my touch.

A-give me some good love

(Somebody rockin' knockin' da boots)

“Your mine,” I moaned as a low growl fell from his lips as I traced my tongue against his lips as he caught it between his lips gently sucking on it.

“You mine too, you always been mine,” he moaned as my pussy pulsed tightly around him again. Smirking, he placed two of his fingers inside my mouth as I gently sucked on them.

“Fuck yea, good girl Peaches,” he whispered taking his fingers and begins rubbing against my clit matching in tune with his strokes.

“Ahh! Baby I’m cumin!!” I exclaimed, his growls becoming louder as his body shook in ecstasy exploding inside me.

‘Cause I'm ready

(Somebody rockin' knockin' da boots) I'm so ready

I'm so ready, baby

“You felt so fuckin’ good. Shit, that was amazin’” he moaned gently kissing me as we came down from our trip of ecstasy.

“You ain’t never lied. Can’t wait until we do it again,” I whispered as he groaned against my lips.

(Somebody rockin' knockin' da boots)

To give you everything that we've been waitin' on

(Somebody rockin' knockin' da boots)

“Best homecoming ever,” he panted collapsing beside me as I laughed.

“I have to agree, it’s definitely one for the books,” I said smiling.

“So does this mean you gon’ be my girl,” he whispered running his fingers through my hair as I laughed.

“Uh, I would hope so, you done gave me head in the air…The damn air Carmelo, that definitely was a first for me and the rest I can’t even talk about right now because the feeling in my legs ain’t back yet,” I said as he laughed.

“That was hot as fuck wasn’t it. It’s you, I ain’t never done no shit like that, you make me this way,” he whispered pulling me close as I kissed his tattoo.

“Well, tonight was definitely happy tears,” I said caressing his tattoo as he smiled.

“I promise as long as you my girl, it’s always going to be is happy tears, I promise you baby,” he declared as I snuggled further into his arms.

“I love you,” I whispered as I felt his heart beating faster.

“I love you too Kayla,” he replied dropping a tender kiss on my forehead.

Where do we go from here, I didn’t know but I knew he was my man and it was going to stay that way.

Taglist:

@reci24 @southerngirl41 @vebner37 @jeyusos-girl

@melaninsugababy @romanreignkisser @bebesobrielo

@arination99 @2-muchsauce @bakugoumarianawrites

@empressdede @alyyaanna @christinabae @anonandwannakeepitthatway @venusesworld @jeyusosgirl @theninthwonder @mya2real

#wwe fanfiction #wwe x reader #wwe smut #wwe imagine #carmelo hayes #carmelo hayes x reader #trick williams #wwe nxt #wwe x black reader #wwe fanfics #x black fem reader #x black reader #wwe fic

128 notes · View notes

oletus-writer · 2 years ago

Note

Heyyyyyy

Can I request Andrew, Naib and Norton with a cinnamon roll s/o?

Like they are too nice for the world and it makes you get diabetes just by being with them Hnghsnhzvsjaj

Ah, there’s been a lot of requests lately and I took some time to write my own ideas, so apologies for the wait.

Andrew, Naib, Norton, Keigan x cinnamon roll s/o

Warnings: none

Andrew Kriess

Why were you in the manor in the first place? Such a nice person could not be nice forever if they had witnessed atrocities or suffered beyond comprehension. Then again, people came into Oletus Manor for various reasons, so Andrew wasn’t one to question why you were here.

Your personality was refreshing, and, although you sometimes overwhelmed him, he looked forward to seeing you in the matches. Unlike the other residents, you never got mad at him if he failed a rescue or kited badly.

‘Um… I’m very sorry about that… I didn’t manage to rescue you in time. I’ll do b-better next time…’

Sometimes, he enjoys sitting with you and watching you do something you’re passionate about - he loves to see how you are so cutely focused on something.

‘S-sure I’ll listen to you talk about… whatever you want. I’m happy to accompany you…’

Naib Subedar

He hasn’t seen someone so sweet for a while now, with the war, and being a mercenary. So, meeting you in such a dire situation, he was surprised how optimistic you were and that you tried to cheer him up.

He would want to spend more time with you, outside the matches, since you’re the only one who lights up his world.

‘Hey, wanna hang sometime? If that’s alright with you, of course.’

He’d be the ‘they asked for no pickles’ person with you. Where you are soft, he’s more unforgiving. Hopefully, the two of you hav etchings to learn from each other.

‘Babe, that kite was horrible. I know it’s my job to rescue everyone, and I shouldn’t be saying this, but you shouldn’t have rescued them.’

Norton Campbell

Seeing someone so cheerful sends a pang in Norton’s heart. He couldn’t recall the last time he was so carefree, so sweet. How different of a person would he be if his upbringing was any better?

Sometimes, he’d wonder about your past - what brought you here? Why were you here? But, standing in front of you, it’s suddenly didn’t matter.

‘You’re quite an odd one to be here in the manor… no, nevermind. Want me to show you ‘round?’

Norton knows how horrible people can be, so he’ll be watching out for you, and will do anything to keep you safe.

‘Sometimes, you trust the wrong people, amor. I’ll protect you, though.’

Keigan

When she first saw you, Keigan thought you were just naive and foolish, but she knew the difference. You were not foolish, nor naive - you were kind, willing to give everyone a second chance.

One of the thoughts that crossed her mind was whether or not you would forgive her - give her a second chance. No, she must not think that; she did what she had to do.

‘You’re quite cheery for a hunter. Judging from your personality, you’d feel some pity for the survivors, no? You have a kind heart. Don’t stress it too much, alright?’

She’s confident that you can take care of yourself and won’t interfere unless she must. Since she could take care of herself, then other people in better situations would be able to take care of themselves just fine.

‘Good morning. I see that you dreamt well? Oh? No dreams? Then you are just happy to be awake? How nice.’

#identity v #identity v x reader #idv x reader #idv keigan x reader #keigan nicholas keogh #idv andrew #idv andrew x reader #andrew kriess #idv naib x reader #idv naib #naib subedar #idv norton #idv norton x reader #norton campbell #idv

364 notes · View notes

djloveyou3000 · 3 months ago

Text

Belladonna

Chapter twenty five

“Well, look who finally decided to join us!” Woods called out, raising his glass mockingly. His grin widened as Helen rolled her eyes and Bell gave him a playful shove while adjusting the strap of their backpack.

Russell’s gaze softened lingered on Bell , a flicker of relief and tenderness crossing his face. Lazar straightened up, his lips twitching into a small smile as his eyes landed on Helen, though he quickly tried masked it with a neutral expression but failed .

“You missed a good one,” Woods said, his voice tinged with mischief. “We were talking about who’s got the worst road rage in this group.”

Sims snorted, gesturing toward Woods. “No contest. Woods takes the crown. Man rages even when he’s standing still.”

The room erupted into laughter, except for Woods, who glared at Sims, his expression exaggeratedly offended. “Like you’re a saint, Sims? I’ve seen you lose it when the vending machine eats your change.”

Helen tilted her head, her British accent sharp as she chimed in, “Well, Woods, if you can’t control your temper, perhaps you shouldn’t drive.”

Bell froze mid-step, their eyes going wide. Slowly, their jaw dropped, and their face contorted into the most cartoonishly exaggerated expression of disbelief anyone in the room had ever seen. They looked like a character straight out of a comedy sketch.

Russell’s laugh came first, low and warm. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? You look like someone just told you the sky’s green.”

Sims doubled over, wheezing. “Bell, you’re making a face like someone said they canceled chocolate forever!”

Bell whipped their head toward Helen, still processing what they’d just heard. “Did you—did you just say Woods shouldn’t drive because of his temper?”

Helen nodded matter-of-factly, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Yes. It’s common sense, really.”

Bell’s disbelief turned into outright exasperation. “What the hell did I witness today, then?!”

Helen blinked innocently. “What do you mean, dear?”

“Oh, don’t play coy!” Bell exclaimed, throwing their arms in the air. “You were chasing that guy like a woman possessed! Screaming at him like a banshee, cursing like you just discovered a whole new language of insults! You didn’t just lose your temper, Helen; you became the embodiment of rage!”

The room erupted into howling laughter as Bell mimicked Helen’s earlier behavior. “YOU BLOODY WANKER! I’LL TEAR YOU APART!” Bell screamed dramatically, flailing their arms and stomping in circles.

“And don’t get me started on the cursing!” Bell added. “You taught me new curse words today, Helen. New ones! And your eyes? They were red. Your voice sounded demonic. I swear, your head was spinning, and your body was seizing. That poor guy was probably crying and begging for forgiveness!”

Even Hudson, who rarely showed much emotion, cracked a smirk. “She really said that?”

“Oh, she didn’t stop there!” Bell continued, pacing now. “When the poor guy finally hit a dead end, she jumped out of the car like some action movie villain, marched up to him, and ripped his steering wheel right out of his car! Then she handed it to me like it was some sort of trophy!”

At this, Bell reached into their backpack and triumphantly pulled out the steering wheel, holding it aloft. “BEHOLD! The spoils of her unholy road rage!”

Mason slid off his chair, clutching his stomach as he laughed so hard he nearly fell to the floor. Sims was gasping for air, tears streaming down his face. Even Woods had to lean against the couch, laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.

Helen simply stood there, unfazed, a small, smug smile on her face. “I see no issue. He deserved it.”

“You think I’m bad?” Woods choked out between laughs. “You’re out here making me look like a saint!”

Lazar, who had been watching Helen with a mixture of awe and mild fear, finally spoke up. “I think it’s safe to say we have a new road rage champion.”

Bell wasn’t done. “And that’s not even the craziest thing we saw today!”

Russell raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. “There’s more?”

“Oh, there’s more,” Bell said ominously. They dropped into a chair, their expression shifting into one of pure horror. “We saw a guy pulling something out of a sewer.”

“What?!” Mason exclaimed, sitting up straighter.

“Helen, of course, dragged me over to see it,” Bell continued, shooting Helen a look. “She was so excited, like it was Christmas morning. And do you know what it was? A sewer slug.”

“A what?” Sims asked, his laughter subsiding into confusion.

“A sewer slug,” Bell repeated, emphasizing each word. “It was taller than me! It had these huge, freaky eyes, a tongue that was so long it looked like something out of a horror movie, and it just sat there, slimy and disgusting, like it had crawled out of someone’s nightmares.”

Bell mimed the slug’s eyes by forming large circles with their hands, then stuck their tongue out as far as it would go to demonstrate its length.

“Are you serious right now?” Russell asked, his tone a mix of skepticism and amusement.

“I have proof!” Bell declared, grabbing their camera and flipping through the photos. “Look at this!”

They held up the camera for everyone to see. The room collectively recoiled.

“What in the hell is that?” Hudson asked, his face twisted in disgust.

“It looks like how Woods’ feet smell,” Mason quipped, earning a playful punch from Woods while bell and Russell shuddered .

Bell shuddered. “And you know what else England ruined? Chinese food.”

Lazar, who had been quietly observing, immediately perked up. “What do you mean? Chinese food is sacred.”

“They put fries and gravy on top!” Bell exclaimed, throwing their hands up.

Helen shrugged. “It’s normal.”

“Normal?!” Lazar looked horrified. “That’s not normal. That’s an abomination!”

Russell stood and walked over to Bell, placing a reassuring hand on their shoulder. “Come on, honey,” he said softly. “Let’s get you some real food and calm you down.”

Bell sighed, leaning into him as the rest of the team dissolved into another round of laughter. Behind them, Helen smirked triumphantly, clearly enjoying the chaos she had caused.

#russell adler #call of duty #russell adler x reader #russell adler x bell #black ops cold war #bell #cod #adler x bell #adlerbell #yandere russell adler

22 notes · View notes

midnightsslut · 11 months ago

Note

the whole cardigan/Peter parallels are messing my head can u explain

okay so peter is actually one of my favorite songs on the album for this reason! I think it has parallels to a lot of other songs, not just cardigan. the first thing to get out of the way is the cardigan lyric about peter and wendy: ‘tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy.’ now, that line doesn’t make a ton of sense because peter losing wendy is the ending of peter pan (idk I’ve never seen it and never thought I’d spend this long thinking about them), but I think what she’s saying is that he tried to change the ending of *their* story to peter losing wendy. peter loses her because she outgrows him, while he remains a ‘lost boy’ forever. the cardigan demo has an alternate lyric where peter actually *leaves* wendy. this does not happen in the original story, and to me, it reads like betty (eh, I don’t think those characters existed when she wrote that song, but bear with me) is accusing him of trying to change their fate by leaving her. peter is meant to always come back to wendy. *she* is the one who eventually leaves him. either way, cardigan ends with them together. yay for betty and/or taylor.

now, peter was written 3-4 years later, and it is the conclusion of a story about outgrowing someone despite truly wanting them back. the ending was not, in fact, changed. she did outgrow him. very sad. I actually want to go lyric by lyric, but I’ll put a cut just in case.

Forgive me Peter

My lost fearless leader

In closets like cedar

Preserved from when we were just kids

Is it something I did

the song starts with taylor trying to figure out what went wrong. did she do something wrong to crush these dreams of theirs? she kept him in a closet of cedar (where unmarried women kept their belongings that they would want to take with them after getting married) in her mind, but things didn’t work out anyway. the first line being ‘forgive me, peter’ indicates that she is the one who pulled the plug, and she’s apologizing for it. again, she isn’t entirely sure what went wrong, which, to me, is a clear parallel to how did it end.

The goddess of timing

Once found us beguiling

She said she was trying

Peter was she lying

My ribs get the feeling she did

when they first met, the timing seemed to be perfect for their relationship (‘the goddess of timing *once* found us beguiling’), but that didn’t last. the goddess of timing claimed that she tried, but nothing could save them. taylor even wonders if she lied, which suggests a lack of faith in higher powers like fate or deities. this verse introduces timing as a major conflict in the story. ‘are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?’

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Words from the mouths of babes

Promises, oceans deep

But never to keep

peter went away, but he promised to come down once he was ready for a relationship. yes, this kind of applies to both of the main storylines on the album. you could take this to mean that they actually broke up a decade ago but promised to get back together, or you could assume there was some sort of break to their relationship, which she and joe did have. i kind of took it to mean that he wasn’t fully committed to the relationship, but he promised to be eventually. again, the renegade lyric, but also ‘i’m a fire, and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade ocean wave blues come’ and ‘I’d hold you as the water rushes in,’ both of which are grand promises that neither party could keep.

Are you still a mind reader?

A natural scene stealer

I've heard great things Peter

But life was always easier on you

Than it was on me

he is charismatic. his magnetic field is a little too strong. he can read people. but he’s also fragile and inexperienced (‘he was a hothouse flower to my outdoorsman’). he may be able to read people, but things have been way too easy for him to ever understand a truly hurt person fully.

And sometimes it gets me

When crossing your jet stream

We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon

In different galaxies

And I didn't want to hang around

We said it was just goodbye for now

this is the thesis statement of their relationship to me. obviously, there’s the call it what you want parallel, but more importantly, it shows that the two people really wanted this to work. they just came from completely different places in their lives and perhaps the entire universe. this verse seems to reference the epilogue (‘resentment rotting away galaxies we created’ / ‘some stars never align’). they learned the right steps to different dances, if you will. she knew he needed time, so she left temporarily.

And I won't confess that I waited

But I let the lamp burn

As the men masqueraded

I hoped you'd return

With your feet on the ground

Tell me all that you'd learned

Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned

she does get with other men, but she keeps longing for him. she wishes that he would return with a grasp on reality and be the man she needs. if anything, the time away would give him the perspective he needs to ground himself. interesting parallel to ‘I said I don’t mind / it takes time’ in loml.

And you said you'd come and get me but you were 25

And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired

Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life

Forgive me Peter, please know that I tried

To hold onto the days when you were mine

But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

this is just devastating to me. well, first of all, both matty and joe were 25 when they first met her, which, lol. the dreams they had together have expired now. it’s been too long. she cannot keep holding onto a love from almost a decade ago. he took too long to return. he lost his lifelong dreams to what was only supposed to be a chapter of his life. she tried to hold onto the days when he was hers, and everything was right, but she had to turn out the light at some point. this is the moment when she gives up on their relationship. she apologizes for abandoning the ship, but she must do it.

overall, I think peter is a story about two people who genuinely did everything they could to be together, but their needs and their growth no longer aligned. there’s a sense of acceptance and lingering fondness here. she did everything she could not to bolt, but the ending was the same.

#peter #loooove this song #cardigan #ttpd

71 notes · View notes

slimybeth69 · 3 months ago

Text

Venus in Furs

Summary: After saving your life and getting you back to Jackson, things with you and Joel feel different. While navigating this new life, raising a teenager with a man you think you know-- you run into someone unexpected.

WARNINGS: This story contains DARK themes, HIGHLY dubious consent in early chapters. Pregnancy. Pregnancy loss. talks of child abuse. therapy speak. mean!joel, dark!joel, liar!joel. unreliable narration. multiple povs. cheating. mental health- PTSD, PPD. mentions of suicide attempts. highly adult sexual themes.

I'm not kidding when I say that this shit gets dark. I try and keep this as real as fucking possible.

Please be aware of the things you consume and if none of those themes are for you, please think twice about checking this story out.

Before you read this, I recommend reading Crybaby and Such Small Hands. You don't have to, but you'll probably be confused.

unbeta'd- poorly proofread

w/c- ~24k

Part 1

Joel and Ellie both sat outside of the car crying. You had just died twice in Ellie’s arms, but Joel somehow…somehow by the grace of God brought you back both times. You have a tourniquet on your leg and your neck isn’t bleeding anymore. You seemed pretty stable now but the car was broken down and it was still a five hour hike back to Jackson. If Joel left right now, he’d get Tommy to use the horses. Get you back to the colony in another six or seven hours. Joel knew you didn’t have it in you to wait that long but he couldn’t just sit here and let you die.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m sorry-- I don't wanna leave you—” Joel kisses the top of Ellie’s head quickly but she stops him from speaking.

“I wouldn’t leave her even if you wanted me to. I’ll stay right here. I promise.” She watches as Joel takes off running. Running with everything he has left in him which isn’t much but he’s going to shave off as much time off this hike as he can.

Ellie lays down next to you in the trunk. She watches your shallow breathing carefully to make sure that you are in fact still alive. She places one hand in yours and looks at your swollen, bruised jaw. The puncture wound behind your ear is still bloody. Ellie does her best to clean you up with what water she had left. She never slept even though she was still tired herself. She wanted to but her eyes would snap awake the minute they closed to make sure you hadn’t passed in the two seconds she had fallen asleep.

The man Joel used to be is running through these woods. The man who dealt with the beginning of the outbreak. Not a man aged by time and stress and burdens. He was just a carpenter and in decent shape. Joel was running like him right now. He didn’t even bring his backpack, it would have just slowed him down. Just a map and a compass but he ran. Fast. Branches would scratch at his hands and face because he just didn't care about finding a path. He took the fastest route whether it was up or down or through trees or water or mud. It did not matter, nothing could stop this man. He ran like that for almost an hour before his body screamed at him to stop. He had traveled a decent distance in that hour.

Another hour off his time and he was still moving, his sides cramped and he was slowing down. He had to breathe. Joel had been starting back up the second he felt like he could breathe. But now he needed to regather his strength. This was bad. You were going to die while Joel was hiking in the woods. Poor Ellie was going to have to sit with your dead body for hours. Joel felt so stupid. He should have stopped before he did to give you a tourniquet. He waited too long. Forty minutes of speeding out of the city and getting stuck at barricades and having to backtrack killed you.

Joel would never forgive himself if you died. He asked you to come! He’s the one who really killed you and that was going to haunt him forever because he was looking forward to being gentle to you for a change. Didn’t think you liked it. Never asked for it. Never complained when he smacked you around and called you names. Joel liked that. Killed you over it. Running again. As fast as he fucking can.

Joel is pounding on Tommy’s door like it’s the end of the word all over again.

“Joel it’s good to see you—” Tommy looks exhausted when he opens the door. So tired. Like Joel had just woken him up pounding on the door. He had. Tommy had been dead asleep.

“I need your help, man. Real bad. So bad. Please can we just—” Joel is already down the steps of the porch heading in the direction of the stables. Tommy is so confused but puts his boots on and grabs his jacket.

“What’s going on man? It’s the girl?” Tommy rushed to Joel’s side as he slipped the jacket over his arms. Joel shakes his head.

“Different girl. My girl. She’s dyin’, Tommy. Might be dead when we get back there.” Joel sounds like he might cry. It’s a desperate plea for help and he’s only ever heard Joel speak like this once in his life. The night of the outbreak. “She’s all shot up. She’s bleedin’ real bad. I need to get her back here. I need you to help her.” Joel is still running to the stables. He knows where to go.

“Okay man, we’ll get there. Calm down. You ain’t doin’ her no good if you keel over dead from a heart attack.” Tommy is trying to keep up with Joel. Trying so hard, but Joel is too fast.

It takes them three and a half hours to get back to the car.

When you are able to finally open your eyes again. It’s four weeks later, but you don’t know that. Everything about you feels like you’re being torn apart from the seams. Your eyes don’t even really open. They just flutter. But then there are hands on yours. From both sides. Who is touching you? Why are they touching you in your sleep? Voices. Muffled ones are speaking to you rapidly and it sounds all jumbled up together.

In your head you wanted to tell them to please stop speaking to you in Mandarin, because that’s not a language you understand and you needed assistance opening your eyes. Nothing came out though because your mouth feels like someone shoved a cactus down there while you slept.

Joel did this to you! Joel ruined your throat with his going deepest contest or whatever he did to you in the bedroom yesterday! You should have bit it off of him. If you knew it was going to cause you this kind of pain? No. That was not fair or nice of Joel. Didn’t even give you any possible side effects of going deeper. Not even a cactus in the throat! Why did everything else hurt?. What the fuck. Your eyes do open at this new and sharp pain in your throat. All the other pain is dull and constant and this is sharp and new and only when you try to speak or swallow. Joel is there and you could throttle him for putting you in the hospital! How did an innocent blowjob turn into you being in the hospital? You just wanted to lick a penis for the first time in however many years and now look at you. Hospitalized.

“Birdie.” Joel’s voice is soothing to you. Very soothing and calming and sweet and you’re not mad at this man. He could go as deep as he wanted. You’d let him. He’s fuzzy. Blurry like maybe you were underwater. “Shhh stop trying to talk. You’re intubated.”

What is intubated!? What does that mean? You start to panic but everything hurts. Every joint and ligament. Every single fiber of your being aches. Joel leaves your side and now you’re even more scared. You just got here, why is he rushing to be away from you? Ellie’s sweet girl voice is in your ear and also very calming.

“You need to relax. Just shhh and calm your body. Joel is going to get a Doctor to get the tube out.” What tube!? What is she talking about? Her words do little to calm you now that you have to worry about a tube in you somewhere. What the fuck is going on? The room your in is very similar to that of a hospital—

Ellie is by your side. Ellie is here! And she’s safe and talking to you in your ear and now you are calm because you didn’t have Ellie the last you remember. It’s coming back to you. Joel was walking beside you…touching your pinky with his because he thought that was the last time he was ever going to touch you again while you were still breathing. Ellie places a gentle hand on your upper arm and her warm touch is so comforting. You wish Ellie could crawl into this bed and just wrap you up in her warmth because you are so cold. You did not realize how cold you were. Now you’re shivering. Shivering so bad you think you might actually vibrate off the bed.

Joel returns with a man in a white coat.

Judas ! Get this coated man away from you! White coats are bad! Such bad people! They were standing over Ellie’s little frame and now you have to look at Ellie to make sure that she is in fact actually beside you and she is. Her cute face looks worried. Very worried.

“He’s going to help.” Ellie whispers down to you.

Then it goes black again.

“Hey, little bird.” Joel’s deep voice fills your small room. He holds flowers out to you. They bring a smile to your face, and now it doesn’t hurt to smile anymore. It does still hurt to talk though. Joel sets them down on the table next to you and sits down in the chair beside your bed. “You feelin’ better today?” He kisses your knuckles softly. You nod, still smiling at him.

“Yeah.” Your voice is hoarse and croaky from the tube you had been intubated with. Not Joel’s cock like you thought. “Even better now that you’re here.” Joel smiles at this like he’s a young boy and not a fifty-something year old man.

“We’ve been workin’ real hard to get the house ready for you. Our room is on the first floor so you won’t gotta deal with the stairs.” Joel holds your hand in his gently as he speaks to you, sounding excited. His eyes look excited too.

Our room.

“I bet Ellie is excited to have the whole upstairs to herself.” You croak. Joel chuckles and nods. “She doin’ alright?” Joel nods and squeezes your hand.

“Yeah she’s good. Just doesn’t really like comin’ up here— to the hospital. It’s got nothin’ to do with you, Birdie.” You nod in understanding because you don’t even like being here. “She told me to tell you that she misses you. You get to come home tomorrow though.”

Home. You get to go home tomorrow. With Joel. And Ellie.

“I know. I don’t blame her. I would have snuck out of here but sneaking is hard when you cannot walk.” Joel smiles as he continues to kiss your knuckles.

“Birdie—” Joel cuts himself off when he sees the way that you’re looking at him through your eyelashes. “What? What I’d do? I just got here. You were just fine.” He’s worried, he doesn’t know what he’s done to make you upset or…whatever emotion you’re feeling while you look at him distrustfully.

“Where did Birdie come from? When did you start calling me that all the time? You only ever used to call me crybaby .” You mock the old nickname you used to have. It’s not that you don’t like Birdie. Just curious as to where the fuck he pulled it from. Joel chuckles to himself and kisses your hand once more before letting it rest by your side again.

“I was cleanin’ ya' leg one night and you just kept whimperin’ and chirpin’ out. Sounded like a little birdie.” Joel’s smile is infectious and now you’re smiling back at him as he tells you the rest. “Then I’d make you sing like a lil bird.” His eyebrows flick up and now he’s smiling at you devilishly. “Miss hearin’ you sing for me.”

Your stomach flutters at his words. Something about his body language too, it’s making between your legs tingle and that feels good . His legs are spread wide in the chair next to your bed, he’s leaning back. He’s relaxed. Joel index finger and thumb tug at the fabric between his legs and he lifts his hips slightly to adjust himself. Your eyes had watched for the whole four seconds it took for him to do that and then you flick your gaze up to Joel’s face.

“Been missin’ ya'. Gonna have to be real gentle with ya'.” He speaks low, almost a growl but it’s hushed. “Be real careful with my little bird.” He’s still leaned back in the chair, relaxed and with his knees as far apart as he can get them in the chair. Now his hands rubbing himself over the front of his jeans gently. You wish you didn’t have this forsaken hospital gown on and tied around the back of your neck because you’d pull it down for him and show him anything. “Say somethin’.” Joel whispers. You had just been watching, wishing you could participate.

“I need you inside me.” You whisper back to him. Your hand reaches for him but he nods to your chest.

“Touch ‘em. Squeeze those perfect tits f'me.” Joel’s own hand is now rubbing hard down into the crotch of his jeans. You can see the outline of him growing harder beneath the unforgiving fabric. You bring your one hand up to your chest through the gown and grope yourself in a similar fashion to what he’s doing. He lets out a sigh and his hips start to move slowly against his hand.

Your heart is pounding in your chest beneath your hand. There are people right outside that closed door and any of them could walk in at any minute to come check your vitals and then your temperature. If they do that right now they won’t let you go home tomorrow because you’re surely have high blood pressure and a fever because you’re sweating. You wish you could touch yourself like Joel but your leg is still to swollen and this bed is too small to stretch out the way you need to.

“I can't wait to taste that fuckin’ pussy. I’ve been dreamin’ about it.” Joel groans softly. “Can’t wait to get my tongue deep inside that tight lil’ hole.” Joel’s words makes your walls contract and nothing is even inside of you yet. Your jaw falls open slightly.

You’re still a little hesitant with dirty talk yourself. Usually Joel prompts you with things to speak back to him. The way he talks to you makes you blush. Especially now in public! It was never a problem back in the woods which funny enough was only a couple miles from where you lay right now.

“Where else you want me to lick ya'?” Joel gives you a prompt right now but they’re so hard to think about when all you want to do is get touched! You want to go home right now. This is the first time you and Joel have had a real moment together without doctors and his brother Tommy and Tommy’s pregnant wife Maria. Or people from the town coming to offer support to Joel on the house he was fixing up. You’ve been awake a week and this is your first real uninterrupted moment with him.

“Everywhere.” You whisper because it’s all you can muster. All of your energy is buzzing between your legs and in your lower belly. It’s almost too much, it feels like you’re too turned on and you’re going to float away with your pelvis leading you upwards.

“Tell me where.” Joel is leading you, helping you figure out how to talk dirty to him. “Where else do you want my tongue besides your perfect lil cunt?” The words drip off his tongue like molasses.

The door opens and your hand falls to your side. Joel’s hand moves to the armrest of the chair and he pulls himself into a sitting up position instead of his relaxed, almost laying down prone pose he had just been in quickly. Now he’s sitting, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his index finger curled over his smirking lips. Your face is red. Redder than you can even imagine.

“So how are you feel—” The nurse stops and looks at you and cocks her head to the side. “You feelin’ alright, hun? You look a little flushed?” She had not seen what was going on in the room before she walked in so she did not know the reason for all of the blood behind your cheeks.

You go to speak but just a weak croaking sound comes out. It makes her look more worried and Joel has to stifle a chuckle from beside your bed. You shoot him a glance while you clear your throat.

“I’m fine. Just a little warm in here.” You lie because you had been cold before Joel got in here and steamed the room all up with his sexy words and forceful massages on his hard cock below his jeans. You steal another glance at him and now his eyes are closed and his shoulders are moving up and down softly– he’s laughing! This is funny to him!

“Aww, well lemme open a window in here for you, sweetheart.” The nurse is so nice and trying so hard to be helpful in your fevered state. You’re so embarrassed. Your nipples are rock hard under your hospital gown and they prove you're lying! It’s an obvious giveaway at your lack of being warm and your current state of arousal. The nurse opens the window and chilled spring air rushes in and makes your nipples even harder! Goosebumps rise on your flesh and you wish she would shut it. You’re no longer a little warm.

The nurse— her name is Shannon, goes by Shan– takes your vitals and writes everything down on a chart at the end of your bed.

“Are you excited to go home tomorrow? Been here for almost six weeks. You gotta be ready to sleep in your own bed and be in your own house for the first time!” She’s so excited for you. She’s been your nurse for the entire time and she’s been watching all of this fall into place for you, for the four and a half weeks you were in a coma and then the last week and couple days while you’ve been conscious. She might be as excited as you are.

“I…cannot wait.” You sigh as she places your chart back in the holder at the end of your bed. “What time do I get to leave?” You’re anxious though, you’d rather just go home right now and don’t understand what a couple hours difference makes. It’s not even a real hospital. It’s a refurbished elementary school that they use in place of a hospital so why can’t you leave now?

“As soon as you get your last round of antibiotics in the morning after breakfast.” Shan smiles down at you. “You been here longer than any of my other patients, I’ll miss you.” She frowns dramatically. “But now we can go drink at the bar together.” She flicks her eyebrows up once. She was a year younger than you and grew up in Southern California. You have a lot in common with her, she’s fun and is easy to talk to. You have a friend that wants to get drinks with you.

Shan leaves and Joel is on your mouth before you can look over at him. His tongue is swirling around yours and his hand is on your chest, groping you the way you had been touching yourself but harder, with more aggression behind his hand. He’s moaning into your mouth as your hand finds his still hard cock under his jeans as he leans over you in your hospital bed. Your other hand reaches around the back of his neck and pulls you into him tighter.

“You’re mine.” Joel whispers against your lips as he pulls away. “Don’t go gettin’ any fuckin’ ideas at that bar. You come home to me. Because you belong to me, understood?” Joel’s words are firm. A verbal declaration of his ownership of you. It makes you feel…uneasy the way he says it like he might actually believe it, and it’s not just bedroom talk.

“Okay.” You whisper back to him, regardless of that uneasy feeling in your stomach because he’s not…wrong in a sense. You don’t want to be with anyone else. You are his. He is yours. What’s there to feel uneasy about? Joel pulls his head from yours and looks into your eyes.

“Say it.” He’s so serious.

“I belong to you.” It comes out of you before you can question him, or hesitate at all because the way he’s looking at you is making you a little nervous. “I belong to you.” You say it again after a moment because he doesn’t look away. This time he must believe you because he kisses you again and then sighs softly.

“Good.”

Joel says his goodbyes because it’s late. He shuts the window for you first and tucks you into bed. He touches your mound softly over the blankets while he kisses you goodbye.

Now you’re alone with this new thought in your head of what Joel means by that. It felt like much more than just an admittance of love— that’s actually not what it felt like at all. It was like he was speaking a rule into the universe and now you had to follow it. This felt different than the time he had said it in the bedroom or when you walked out of that abandoned cabin so long ago. Sexy and jokes those felt like. You realize that this is the first time you’ve ever been around other people with Joel who weren’t trying to kill you.

Oh.

The next morning your unease is not forgotten but it is overlooked by your excitement to get out of the hospital and sleep in a real bed and to see Ellie. Joel and Tommy ended up going back for the car and fixing it up on the side of the road so that he could drive it back. Now it’s a community car for moments like this. When someone who is unable to walk needs to get around for a longer distance. The whole colony is small but you cannot walk. Not yet.

“Ellie is so excited to see you.” Joel holds your hand as he drives you to your new house. “I’m glad you’re comin’ home. Been empty there without you.” His words make you smile because you have missed him. So very much.

“I’m excited to see how you two decorated. It’s probably very interesting.” You smirk at him. You are pleasantly surprised when you walk in and it’s perfect. Nice chairs in the living room and a couch. There are three bedrooms. Two upstairs and one on the first floor. Three bathrooms. You and Joel have your own and there is running water.

Ellie is at school. Which is weird. School. You’ll have to see if they have classes for people like you who never got to graduate. You missed out on some things and don’t want to be behind when Ellie needs help.

“Easy, birdie.” Joel eases you down into the large bed, topped with nice soft sheets and a comforter. No more sleepers. “Do you need anything before I go?” Joel asks, sitting on the edge of the bed. You raise your eyebrows.

“Go? Where are you going?” You guys just got here. What is so important?

“Gotta take the car back. I’ve been helpin’ Tommy around town. Time doesn’t stop just cause you came home today.” He kisses your forehead and you frown.

“I thought you’d at least stay for a little bit.” You roll your eyes at him. “I get it though. Go be Mr. Carpenter man. Go build buildings and whatever else it is you do.” You smirk. Joel smirks back at you. “Won’t even make me come first.” You playfully turn your nose up at him.

“And you better not touch it until I come back. I mean it.” He narrows his eyes at you when you turn to look at him. “I’ll know.”

“How would you know?” You have a snide tone like how is that something he could possibly figure out. Joel doesn’t say anything, he just leans down and kisses you gently on the lips.

“Don’t touch it. Or you get punished.” Another small kiss before he pulls away and is gone before you can ask him what ‘ punished’ means. Punished? Like spanking because you like those. He’d have to wait for another one of his go-as-deep-as-you-can contests or whatever the fuck that was!

Punishment. You had never received one you don’t think. Maybe the spanks but those were not uncommon. The whip had been new and forgotten about in the house.

That had been a punishment.

It stung so good though. Was punishment supposed to be bad? Unenjoyable? You don’t know if you’d like to find out. The doctors don’t have pain pills. That’s not a thing. But was is a thing from the past is medical marijuana. The doctor gave you pain management in the form of ten little rolled cigarettes and three brownies. He said do not eat the brownies all at once. They should be cut into eighths. Little small pieces. You have not touched them. You are too scared, that was never something you did before the end of the world! You sucks dicks and snuck out and then also got drunk one time with your friends. You ended up throwing up.

Smoking weed. No. You will suffer.

You do suffer until Ellie gets home.

“Hi!” She runs into your room and hugs you tightly. “I’ve been thinking about you all day! I ran home from school! I have so much to tell you!”

Ellie tells you that she likes school because now she has friends and people besides you and Joel to hang out with— ouch what the fuck? That is heartbreaking but carry on— there is a girl that Ellie thinks is cute and she has two classes with her. Gym and Old World History.

“Do you offer to walk her home from school?” You ask, leaning in with your eyebrows raised. “Because you should. Girls like that kind of stuff.” Ellie widens her eyes and takes mental notes.

“What else?” She asks curiously.

The next hour is spent explaining how to win over a girl's heart in very specific detail. You go on until the pain in your leg is too much.

“Okay. I need you to please go to the freezer and can you please cut up one of those brownies into like a million little pieces— actually bring it in here so I can do it.” You do not trust a fourteen year old girl who is probably sneaky!

Joel walks in the room just as Ellie leaves. He already has a brownie piece in his hand for you.

“Where are you goin’? You do your homework yet?” He looks down at Ellie who had just stopped herself from bumping into his chest. She shakes her head from side to side and points back to you.

“I’ve been with her. I was just about to go get her whatever that is.” She points to the square in his hand.

“It’s her medicine. You stay out of it. Homework before dinner, please?” He is still looking down at her. She nods and grabs her backpack off the floor near your bed. She smiles at you and then her eyes go wide for a moment.

“We can all eat in here, right? With her? She can’t sit at the table!” Ellie exclaims at Joel, pointing to your leg. He chuckles and takes two more steps in the room.

“Yes. We can. Go do homework and then start dinner. I’ll come help you in a little bit.” Joel messes with her hair and pushes her head softly. “Go, punk. I’ll be out soon. Shut the door.” Ellie wrinkles her nose at the two of you.

“Disgusting. You can’t wait until I’m gone!? Or asl—” Joel points with his free hand out the door.

“Go. Now.” He’s firm with her. She rolls her eyes and marches out the door noisily.

“Fine. Still gross.” She announces before she shuts the door.

Joel turns to look at you before he sighs loudly and holds his hand with the brownie in it for you.

“Doctor said this is pretty potent so you’ll be giggling soon.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and looks at you with big brown eyes. “I got the day off tomorrow. All day. Jus’ me and you. In bed. Bein’ gentle. I’mma wait on you hand and foot and do whatever you ask of me, lil’ bird.” Joel’s country drawl comes out as he speaks and it makes your lower stomach do flips inside of you. “My lil bird.” This really does something to your hips for some reason now because now they’re moving gently against the bed. You still haven’t even taken the brownie from him because you have been hypnotized by his words and his eyes. Joel takes the piece of brownie in between his fingers and reaches towards your opening mouth. He places it on your tongue gently while he looks into your eyes. “Swallow it up, birdie.” He coos softly. You chew quickly.

It does not taste like any brownie you’ve ever had before! It tastes like a skunk got in here and left a bunch of grass and plants! Barely a treat! You almost spit it out and Joel is laughing at you. With tears in his eyes at your reaction. He can barely look at you, he has to hold his hand up and cover your face with it.

“Stop.” He laughs. “It’s not–” More choked on laughter. He cannot even speak. “Stop’it. You’re too much.” He’s cracking up! It’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen, apparently.

“You stop it. That was awful! Where was the brownie!? Where was the chocolate?! It tastes like it grew out of the ground and got sprayed by a skunk!” Joel has bursted out into another fit of laugher, this time tears coming to his eyes while you speak.

“I’m gonna go take a lil square. You’re hilarious. I can’t imagine you when I’m stoned. Jesus. We’ll be laughin’ all night.” Joel gets up from the bed and gives you a small kiss. “I’ll send her in here to do homework while I get dinner started.”

Okay! You had nothing to worry about yesterday at the hospital. Joel was just lust filled and let a little of his bedroom voice and words get lost in the real life. It’s fine. It happens sometimes. You are his little bird and he is your… you don’t know. What would you call him? Your boyfriend? You two are grown. That feels so immature but he is not your husband…he has also not even asked you to be his girlfriend…not officially so stop thinking about this nonsense. You will call him Joel as always.

Ellie skids into the room like she owns the place and falls to her knees on the floor and starts to talk. About everything. Doesn’t stop until Joel comes in with bowls that are steaming with white trails coming off the top.

He sets a tray down in front of you. You did not realize how hungry you were. This looks amazing. It’s a soup of some kind, maybe a stew. You do not care. Hunger. Hunger has never pandered you in this way before. But your mouth is too dry it will not even open. The room is so quiet too. Joel has given you water on your little tray so you try to drink some. It’s so good. So refreshing. Joel has to get you two more glasses before you even start to eat.

“Thirsty much? Jeeze.” Ellie judges you but she doesn’t know what condition you’re in. You’re high for the first time. It’s horrifying.

“Leave her alone. She’s goin’ through it right now. Her medicine is strong.” Joel look at you from the chair he’s sitting in. You start giggling because you are going through it. Your heart is racing and everything feels like it’s moving too slow.

“What is this?” You ask Joel holding the soup up in your spoon. Your eyes feel so heavy but you are not tired. Not even in pain anymore, really. Your whole body just…doesn’t. It doesn’t feel like anything.

“Soup?” Joel gives you a worried look but you look into the bowl in awe.

“No, what kind of soup.” You ask, looking back up at him now. Joel chuckles and shakes his head.

“Venison.” He explains as he takes his own spoonful. Ellie pipes up from the floor beside you. It startles you because you forgot she was here. You almost drop your spoon of soup. You look down at her in fear.

“It’s good. Try some.” She sounds so innocent and here you are. High and dying in bed. Unable to swallow the soup you’ve up in your mouth because you forgot how to swallow.

What had Joel given you? What was in that horrible brownie!?

“Is she going to be okay?” Ellie asks, and you had once again forgotten she was there and it scares you.

“I have to go to bed.” You sigh and lay back against the pillows.

“Nope. We should go. C’mon. Let’s go eat at the table. Crybaby here can’t handle her shit.” Joel jokes. You do not see what happens next because your eyes are closed and your trying to remember if you breath from your left or right lung first…you cannot remember having to worry about this before but it has become the biggest issue in your brain right now. “C’mon. She’s gonna need to take a long nap.”

Everything feels so warm and so good. Your eyes are still closed and breathing is no longer an issue, it’s on automatic again and you can rest, not having to worry about shifting the gears of your body any longer. Everything is good and warm and wet and between your legs is throbbing in the best way. Your hips move slowly for some reason. It’s unknown to you why they’re doing that. Your hand is gripping something. Hair maybe. You don’t know.

“Such a good little girl for not touching her pussy.” The voice is deep and not coming from beside you. “So obedient.” It sounds like it’s close, the voice. Joel's voice. Your hand pushes back against the hair and you feel his head between your legs. “Oh do you want Daddy to stop?” Your walls clench around nothing when he speaks to you, and now your hand is pulling his hair closer to your middle again. He wraps his lips around you and presses his flat tongue against your clit. He moves it up and down slowly against the swollen nub he had been working on for the last forty minutes while you slept.

“Keep going, Daddy.” You whisper softly in your half-asleep state. This sends a shock to Joel’s system. He’s pressing his mouth harder against you, his two fingers that had been playing with your slit push inside of you.

“Say it again.” He growls against your cunt.

“Keep going, Daddy.” You repeat yourself, but it’s moaned now at the feeling of his fingers inside of you.

“You love when Daddy touches his little princess? ” He whispers as his fingers curl inside of you. You nod and moan quietly, arching your back at his touch “Say it to me then.” His country drawl between your legs vibrates something inside of you.

“I love when Daddy touches me.” These are not words you speak! You do not say things like that but they’re coming out of your mouth. Your brain still feels so fuzzy. But everything else feels so good. Waves of pleasure wash over you as Joel goes back to swirling large circles around your clit, his fingers still moving inside of you. But now your body moves with each thrust of them into your cunt.

“I love your lil pussy, baby.” Joel whispers softly. It makes your already dizzy and foggy brain spins more when he talks low like that against you. “I wanna feel baby come on Daddy’s fingers.” Now he’s curling them against you now but now slowly. Quickly. It makes your breath hitch in your throat. You haven’t been able to open your eyes, it’s like they’re glued shut. “Then Daddy is going to get you pregnant.”

Your hips move wildly against his fingers and tongue. It’s so fucking hot to be spoken to that way and you’ve never been spoken to like this. It makes your slickness leak out against Joel’ fingers. He curls his two fingers inside you quicker as his tongue tightens around your clit into those good circles. Those movements with meaning.

“Come for Daddy.” Then his tongue is back on you. You obey him because why would you not? It’s been building inside of you since you woke up, or maybe this was a dream in your influenced state. You gush, that good feeling. Joel is between your legs when you open your eyes and look down at him. He’s got your good leg up on his shoulder and he’s still making you come.

Your head falls back into the pillows and your grip in his hair tightens. His naughty words, taboo words do something to you. Make you come harder than you ever have. The drugs make everything feel better too.

“Daddy’s gonna fuck his princess now.” He leans up and your good leg stays on his shoulder.

“Okay, Daddy.” You whisper, your hand finds the back of his neck. You can feel him pressing the head of his cock into your entrance and you almost want to go back to sleep. Your head is so heavy.

“Shhhh baby, go back to sleep. Let Daddy do all the work.” He whispers into your ear as he thrusts himself into you. It jolts you, eyes open again and now your gripping on to Joel as he fucks you, short gentle bursts to not hurt your other leg. “You like getting fucked like this?” He growls down to you.

“Yes.” You respond, still groggy and fuzzy headed. “I do.”

“Yes, I do… what ?” He licks the arch of your ear gently as he speaks. His moves inside of you are calibrated. He knows exactly what to do to make you tremble below him. Make you say anything he wants.

“Yes, I do. Daddy.” You please him when you speak because he lets out a guttural moan and now he thrusts inside you deeply, pulling his hips back far until just the tip of him is inside of you.

“That’s a good girl. I love fucking this perfect slutty cunt. I love it so fucking much. So fucking flthy and perfect.” He groans as he holds onto one of your hips, the other is holding your ankle up to his shoulder. “You have to ask to come from now on, you better fuckin’ ask you you’ll get punished, okay, baby?” You nod, listening to his words. They're almost drown out by the feeling building inside of you.

“O-o-ookay.” You whimper. Joel laughs at you! Laughs into your ear and mocks you.

“Oo-okay.” He keeps laughing. “Sound fuckin’ stupid. My cock make you stupid? Huh?” You don’t know what to say because you’re not stupid just getting fucked and you’re stoned. “Open up.” Joel speaks before you can and you open your mouth. He moves his head and looks down at you, spitting into the back of your throat. Before you can close and swallow, one hand comes to grip your face, forcing your mouth back open. Joel does it again, leans in until his mouth is almost on yours and spits onto your tongue. “Stupid slutty baby.” Joel whsipers into your saliva filled mouth. “Stupid as the day I met you.”

You come. Hard all over Joel’s cock. He laughs again because you already forgot the rule he just gave you. You couldn’t help it. He just made you feel so good with his dirty fucking words and the way he was thrusting inside of you.

“Oh, just wait for Daddy to think up a punishment for his girl. He didn’t think it’d happen so fast.” Joel coos down to you lovingly. “Love feeling you fucking come on my cock though. You better do it again before the night is over, babygirl. My sweet little girl.” He’s still holding your face with his hands while he fucks you and talks down to you this way. You’re soaked between your legs and so is he while he slams himself inside of you.

“C-can I come again, Daddy?” You purr up to him as he drives another powerful forced thrust into your hips.

“No.” It’s short and with no explanation of why. You assume this is punishment. Joel moves his hips in short, speedy bursts. “Say you love Daddy and that you like— fuckin’ hell you’re so god damnned tight— tell Daddy you love him and that you like his cock in you like this.” Joel snaps it out quickly at you. “Then you can come. With me. You fucking whore.” You are so desperate for release and so high still that you just repeat what he told you to say. They flow out of your mouth effortlessly.

“I love you, Daddy. I love your c-cock in my pussy like this. Love when you lick my cunt, Daddy.” You throw in your own little flavor, see if it makes him happy and it does because he gives you the command, gives you release as he drives into you faster now.

“Come. Come for Daddy. You’re such a filthy whore. I love your stupid fucking cunt so god damned much, Jesus Christ.” Joel groans all those words out as he continues to thrust. You can feel his cock throb inside of you as he does it. He’s filling you. Another orgasm, your second or third. You cannot remember. As soon as it leaves your body you are asleep in the sheets and the pillows below Joel.

When you wake up it’s light outside and Joel is still in bed next to you, also asleep. Everything feels…strange. Like you’re still in a dream somehow.

You need less fucking medcine that for fucking sure. What the hell happened to you last night? Couldn’t eat dinner? Had the weirdest fucking dream… the weirdest fucking dream you’ve ever had. You’ve never said the words you spoke in that dream before. It’s yucky and weird and you do not like it. Not really…you don’t think. The dream has thoughts racing through your head. Joel was penetrating you between your legs in this dream! Maybe that won’t bother you so much when your able anymore. You don’t know when your leg stops hurtin’ so fuckin’ bad you wanna try!

“You awake, lil bird?” Joel asks groggily from behind you. You wrap one hand around his wrist to keep it from moving. He’s wrapped around your waist and you’re not ready for him to get up yet. “Okay…jeez. Don’t gotta squeeze so hard.” He teases, pressing gentle kisses behind your ear. You hold him to you and take in the fact that you don’t have to leave. No traveling. No running. No quests. Just you and Joel in this bed until Ellie got home and then you could be a normal family but right now you were going to be with this man for as long as you could.

“You really get to stay all day?” You turn your head to look at him. He nods and kisses your lips softly.

“All day.” Joel's voice is so deep. It reminds you of the dream you had.

“I had the weirdest dream last night.” You chuckle softly. “So weird. Might even be too weird for you.” You look flick your eyebrows at him. He narrows his eyes onto yours.

“Tell me.” He growls it, like he’s so excited he cannot wait to hear this dream you had.

You replay the whole thing. Say all the words and Joel watches and smirks. You’re shocked because he looks like he likes this.

“Did you like that dream?” Joel asks, once your finished. You think for a minute and nod. You remember the dream pretty well for it being a dream…and you being higher than a kite for the first time.

“I’ve never called anyone one that before. It sounds so weird.” You blush because it is…very naughty. Joel tips its head from one side and then to the other slowly, like he’s thinking. His finger traces along your bellybutton.

“It is a little weird. But it’s just cause you haven’t said it before.” Joel looks down into your eyes, he’s resting on his elbow. “Different things feel weird sometimes. Remember when I put it in your ass?” He raises his eyebrows at you and smirks. You blush again and nod. “I think it’s hot as hell. You should start calling me that when I fuck you.” Joel leans down and kisses you gently. You expect more, for things to go somewhere because of this sexy conversation but he pulls away. “Will you?” He’s looking for an answer right now.

“I guess. I don’t know. Let’s try it out soon and see how it goes?” You look up at him with your big eyes and he nods again.

“Yeah, we’ll see, Princess.” Joel leans down and kisses your temple softly and gets up to leave to go to the attached bathroom.

You think for a moment and try to remember if you told him about the part when he called you princess and you don’t think you did. You focused mainly on the fact that you were calling him daddy. You rack your brain and try to remember but you cannot. How can you remember a dream so well that happened while you were under the influence but not something you said four seconds ago? Strange. Blame it on the weed and the titillating dream you had last night.

Joel brings you coffee and you ask him what compelled him to call you princess. His eye do something…strange. Like…maybe flash to the side quickly before he gives you his very loving and caring response.

“Because that’s what you are today. A princess. My Princess.” Joel sips his own coffee and sits back next to you in bed. “Gonna treat you like one all day. How’s your leg feeling?” He nods down to it with his head. You shrug. Something about this whole princess thing has you feeling a little on edge.

“Fine.” You say, looking down into your cup of instant black coffee that tastes like soy sauce but it does perk you up a little. Just a little as you drink it. Joel pushes some hair behind your ear and calls you like a cat.

“Pst.” It’s quick but it does what he wanted, it makes you look at him. “Wanna smoke a joint with me?” He has another devilish grin on his face but this one is far more innocent then the last time he did it in the hospital room. You nod because now that Joel is with you, it doesn’t seem so scary to be high. He goes to the top drawer of his dresser and brings out one of those rolled cigarettes and a lighter. He lights it for you and then hands it to you after puffing softly.

“So we’re gonna get high and what? Struggle to breathe again? Because I struggled for a while last night before I fell asleep.” You hand the joint back to him after hitting it twice. It makes you cough but you sip your soy-sauce-coffee and it helps a little. Joel chuckles as he hits the joint a couple times and opens the window of the room. The breeze feels nice.

“You can struggle to breath and I can lick that perfect cunt. If you want me to?” Joel leans against the wall beside the window and you sigh. You want him too but you’re sore. Your leg and your whole middle just aches.

“I don’t know. I think it might be too soon? Hurts today. Worse than it did yesterday.” You take the joint from Joel’s outstretched hand. “Weird. Must be from all the moving around. Getting into the house and everything.” Joel nods in agreement and crosses his arms over his chest.

“Do you want a couple extra pillows? More blankets? Anything for you, crybaby.” Joel takes the joint from your outstretched hand and you wave your hand at him after.

“No more.” You cough softly. “Can’t do it anymore.” You wheeze. Joel chuckles and pinches the cherry with his fingertips after he licks them. “Yes to pillows. No more blankets. I’m sweating. Joel places the joint on the window sill and pulls the sheets back. You have no shorts or underwear on. You cannot remember if you put them on when you got home…no. Joel didn’t put any on after he gave you a little thorough sponge bath. Just the nightgown.

“You alright?” Joel asks, noticing you looking into your lap.

“Just wonderin’ where my panties are.” You smirk up at him. He smirks back at you.

“I never put ‘em back on you after the hospital. Easier access.” He kisses your forhead and leaves the room to go shower.

When would he have needed access? And easily?

Joel comes back from the bathroom and you are giggly.

“Come snuggle with me.” You hold your arms out to him and smile up at him with hooded, bloodshot eyes. Your arms feel like they weigh 4 billion pounds. Joel looks down at you from the side of the bed and crawls over to you.

“Oh, Birdie wants me to hold her? Pet her real gently ?” He coos into your ear as he takes you into his arms. You nod and close your eyes, pressing the uninjured side of your body into him. “I love taking care of you. I love protecting you.” Joel kisses the side of your face gently.

“Keep talkin’.” You murmur softly as you snuggle back down into bed. All anxieties you ever had are gone. This is much better than the brownie, if you could even call it that. Joel chuckles as he kisses across your face all over gently and slowly.

“I was scared I was gonna lose you. I ran so fast to get here so I could bring you home.” Joel whispers sweet words against your skin. “My whole world is here now. In this bed. At school. Right here and I don’t have to move mountains or kill people to keep them safe anymore.” Joel’s voice is making your body buzz. “I would though. I’d kill anyone who ever touched you.” He goes back to kissing your cheeks and now your eyelids and forehead.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” You open your eyes as much as you can in your state and smile up at him because he is…technically…already your boyfriend? You think? You do not know. Joel looks down at you now, also with hooded bloodshot eyes and nods slowly.

“I do, baby. I thought I already was.” He leans down and kisses your lips softly. You giggle against his mouth and close your eyes again because it’s too much work to keep them open.

“I thought that too! I was just thinking about it, but we never talked about it. And I like to talk about things. I do.” You nod up at him with your eyes still closed. “I can’t stop thinking about that dream, Joel.” You whisper up to him. He leans down and breathes softly against your mouth.

“Call me Daddy, I like hearing you say it.”

“Okay, Daddy.” You murmur and he kisses you softly after the words leave your mouth. He sighs loudly from his nose as he does it, the hot air expelled against your lips and cheeks. It makes you dizzy knowing you do that to him.

It feels good to make him do stuff like that. Moan and groan and sigh like he is. You want to keep him making those sounds so you’ll do as he says. Because you like being a princess and you like being a good girl. Pleasing Joel makes you happy. You know it in your heart. Joel pulls away from you now.

“Gonna teach you how to use that mouth. Make it filthy like mine.” Joel draws it out in his Texas accent. “You wanna learn how to talk like a slut since I fuck you like one?”

“Yes, Daddy.” You nod your head. He holds your face in his hand and presses on your cheeks with his fingers where your teeth meet, forcing it open. He spits into it, twice. He holds your mouth open like that.

“Speak more. Say more than two fuckin’ words.” He spits into your mouth again and lets it go with a soft push. “Swallow.” You obey and open your eyes to look up at him. He’s looking down at you with his brown eyes and they’re so dark. You love them. His graying facial hair, his dark, thick messy mane. Love everything about him.

“Yes, Daddy. I’ll use m-my filthy mouth— just like you want me to. Like a g-good g-girl.” You look up at him and he shakes his head from side to side like he's disappointed. Your heart shatters.

“G-g-good g-girl.” He mocks you gently. “Lose the fuckin’ stammer unless I got my hands on you. It makes you sound stupid. I only want you cock stupid. Come stupid. Be confident in yourself, baby. You can do it. ” He presses the back of his fingers to your cheek gently and drags them down to your jaw.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m just nervous.” You whisper up to him honestly. Joel growls lowly from his throat and presses his forehead to yours. “Don’t be mad at me, Daddy.” Joel presses his forehead against yours tighter after you speak like he’s frustrated with you, trying to hold back something. When he speaks it’s like he’s snarling.

“That is fucking perfect." Joel is so proud of you somewhere in that deep snarl of approval. His voice quickly changes to very sweet and comforting. "Have to just be confident, baby girl.” Joel is rocking his hips against the side of your good thigh, you can feel his length against your skin, he’s ten thousand degrees and it’s making your head spin. “Talk about your cunt, sweetie. Daddy loves hearing you talk about it.” You want words to come out of your mouth but it feels like you have literal charcoal dust in your mouth. It’s sucked all the moisture out and now, you’re tongue is stuck to the roof of your mouth. “Awwww, cat got your tongue, lil girl?” He whispers into your ear.

“Water.” You gasp. Joel shoots out of bed and into the bathroom, he returns with a glass of water and a throbbing erection right at face level. Your bloodshot eyes stare at it as he hands you the glass of water. You try to take it from him but your eyes are not looking for water now, they’re glued to his cock and you’re just reaching for air—near the glass but not even touching it. Your hand opens and closes around nothing as he makes it flex and jump in front of your face.

“Cock stupid. That’s how I like you. Look’it you. Can’t take your eyes off it.” Joel pushes his hips forward towards you. You reach out with your other hand and try to touch him but he pulls away. “No.” It’s stern and makes you look up at him, now his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s pressing the glass of water into your outstretched hands. “Nope. Not for you. Not today or tomorrow or the next.” You bring the glass to your lips and gulp as your eyes go wide in a lack of understanding. “Punishment. You don’t get to touch. You don’t get to come. You don’t get to do nothin’ but talk. And swallow. ‘Cause Daddy still has to come, right baby?” He nods down at you as you drink the entire glass of water. “Say it.” You hold the empty glass in your lap.

“You’re right, Daddy.” You gasp, looking up at him now and he presses his thumb against your bottom lip, drags it down and then releases it. It snaps back up to your upper lip with a small, hollow popping sound. He grins down at you.

“You’re so fuckin’ good. God damn. I got fuckin’ lucky.” His voice is so deep. “Princess hungry? I’ll make us eggs. Got some fresh bread from the neighbor so I can make toast too.” You nod silently.

In your high…paranoid state maybe something is telling you that this doesn’t feel…normal. This isn’t how a boyfriend spoke to their girlfriends…right? You don’t know. You only had one when you were fifteen and he used to call you ‘shorty’, so baby girl and princess and… cock stupid are better than that? Yes? You don’t fucking know. What even is a boyfriend? A man who loves you and cares for you and protects you and Joel does all those things. What’s the issue? He was in your kitchen, making you eggs naked. With his big fucking cock swinging between his legs and you LOVE that. So much. It’s the most amazing experience you’ve ever had. Want to continue to have it.

You think.

You don’t know! It was fun— so much fucking fun, trekking through the woods every four nights a couple months ago. Sneakin’ around. Bein’ disgusting in that cabin together. Now he’s speaking to you in this way and it makes you feel so many different things. Disgusting still, yes–absolutely. You love it but now you…care for him? But he also makes you…nervous? The man sprinted through the cocksuckin’ woods for five hours to get you to safety. Rode all the way back to you on horseback and then held you on his horse the entire way back. Your cold and almost dead body. He must care for you. Has to. Who would do that for someone they just wanted to fuck and call names? Who?!

“Why you lookin’ so fretful?” Joel asks as he walks in with a plate of food for you. You can eat this time. The eggs and toast go down so easily. You look around the room like there is a buffet in here you can go up and get seconds at but there is just dressers and wood. No more food. You whine quietly in frustration when you realize there is not even a crumb left for you to lick off the plate. Joel looks at your empty plate and swaps with you, giving you the last half of his breakfast. “For Princess. Hurry up and finish though. You gotta shower and try to get up and move. Doctors orders.”

The shower is fuckin’ cold—what the fuck? You’re not a stranger to a cold dip in the river or a bird bath in the sink but a whole shower of freezing cold water felt more like a punishment than not being able to come for three whole days. You could do it. You had just gone however many fucking weeks without it. What’s three more days?

“Put your leg up here.” Joel taps the calf of your bad leg and then points to the edge of the tub. You carefully rest your foot up on it and keep all your weight on your good leg. Joel washes you with soap. He gets into every crevice and fold you have and then he rinses. He does that with the rest of you. Then he shuts the water off and looks at you, shivering, leaving up against the wall of the shower. “Keep your leg up there.” He rests one hand on the side of your head and leans into you while looking into your eyes his other hand pressed tightly against your cunt. He starts to rub. "Let Daddy touch that pussy."

You didn’t think he was going to let you and now you’re hips are working against his fingers, pushing into his hand harder. He lets you and chuckles against your cheek as he kisses you.

“Yeah baby, move those hips. Get yourself nice and wet for Daddy.” His voice grumbles so deeply. You moan softly as he stiffens his hands and quickens his movement against you. Fast, back and forth against your clit. You’re still shivering and now, sliding up and down slightly on the slick wall behind you. “Fuck yeah.” Deep gravel country drawl in your ear as he slips two fingers into your folds and up inside of you. He curls them, fast and aggressive like he’s trying to pull you closer to him from inside of you. It's so intense and almost feels like it's too much. It makes you moan loudly. Joel sighs and works his fingers faster.

“Oh, fuck. Yes, Daddy. Can I please come?” It brings you there so fast, your good knee starts to buckle and he pulls his fingers away at just the last moment, you were just about to release all over him. Your eyes open in horror as you watch him suck his two fingers clean. Entirely. Joel shakes his head no, down at you.

“Nope. Did you forget? You come stup– you didn’t even come. You just actin’ stupid. Knock it off.” Joel leans in and kisses your forehead. “C’mon. You’re chitterin’ and shivering like crazy.”

Joel dries you. Changes your bandage after he cleans your gunshot wound. Puts you in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Comfy clothes. The first comfy clothes you’ve worn in years. You can put a small amount of weight on your leg. It hurts with each step but you can do it, Joel holds on to your arm on your weak side to give you some support.

“Perfect. You got it.” Joel kisses the side of your head as you sit gingerly at the kitchen table. You watch him as he goes into the kitchen and looks in all the cupboards.

Denying you a good come. How dare he? You didn’t think he’d be bringing you right there, point to it and say ‘hey, you see that right there? Put your hand on it, touch it’ and then the minute you fucking reach for it, he pulls you away and goes ‘hahahaha you’re so dumb, idiot’. What the fuck was that? Come denial!? Is that even a thing?

Joel returns with more toast but this time it has jam of some sort on it.

“I got the jam from the neighbor woman as well. Her name is Ava.” Joel sits down at the table with you. “She’s nice. Lil bit older than you maybe. Just her in the house. She’s two doors over. Nice lady.” Joel watches you eat.

Who the fuck is Ava? And why does Joel know so much about her? Hmph. You do not like this Ava even though she makes great bread and good jam. It’s not very sweet but whatever. Neither was the brownie. Sugar must be scarce. Stop making sweets then and try to pass them off as sweets!

“It’s good.” You say, holding up the jammed toast. “I’ll have to go thank her myself.” You say this but you do not mean it. You will thank her but mostly you’ll limp over there in your best sweat pants and your best t-shirt and you’ll eye up the competition. Because why is she giving your boyfriend jams and bread? This is all coming from nowhere, because you have been hospitalized, in a literal coma. She was probably just being nice but look at Joel! Look’it him! He’s handsome and he’s King Swinging Fuckin’ Big Dong and you can see it. Even when he’s not excited it just sits there in his jeans. You have to tell Joel to get less tight jeans! Oh no! There are other women with eyes around now and they can see it too and this terrifies you. You start to sweat.

“What are you fuckin’ thinkin’ about? Your eyes are movin’ ten million miles a minute, birdie.” Joel sounds concerned about you.

“Do you see Ava often?” You look at him now and take another bite of your toast which you now feel is suddenly too dry. Ava is the worst. Can’t bake for shit. The worst. Joel drops his chin to his chest and looks at you through his thick, beautiful eyelashes. “What!? I can’t ask questions?” You avoid his beautiful eyes now. They’re judging you.

“What if I did?” Joel asks suddenly. You almost drop your toast, you fumble it around between your hands for two seconds before you look at him.

“Do you?” How dare he tell you not to get ideas while potentially going out with your friend, but he gets to go over to Ava’s house whenever he wants? What was he doing with Ava while you were in the hospital?

“Maybe.” Joel smirks. “Why?” He’s enjoying this. Enjoy seeing you jealous over him. “She’s a baker. I like baked goods. So do you, apparently. She is also one of Ellie’s teachers at school.”

“Oh. Okay.” Is all you say. That’s it. Jealousy and anger and now sadness wash over you.

“Oh stop’it.” Joel bats at your hand gently. “She ain’t as fun as—”

“How would you know how much fun she is or isn’t!?” You exclaim, now tossing the piece of toast in your hand on the plate in front of Joel. “How would you even know that?” Joel is laughing.

“Someone is jealous. A jealous lil bird.” You give him the finger and rest your head on your fist. “Put that bird away before I punish you again. Did you forget our chat about bein’ disrespectful that one time, baby?” He leans in and gives you a lashed, chin-in-his-chest look. “I’ll give it to you this time cause I was eggin’ you on but don’t forget your place.”

“And what’s my place?” You look at him seriously. Joel sits up, slides the plate in front of him out of the way, folds his hands in front of himwhere the plate had been and looks at you just as seriously.

“Below me.” Joe is stern. Serious. Not bedroom talk. “You’re my woman. My bird. My slut. That’s my pussy. You. Are. Mine.” He’s growling at you. “You want to be here? You have a choice. I won’t hold you fuckin’ hostage. But if you stay, there’s gonna be rules and you’ll follow them.” His eyes are locked on to yours. “This ain’t no fun game out in the woods, Birdie. This is real life now.”

“What rules?” You ask, not taking your eyes off him either. Your heart is pounding in your chest. You swallow hard as Joel leans into the table.

“Whatever I say, Birdie.” He whispers. “I don’t ever want to hurt you. I like to bring you pleasure. I like making you happy. Seeing you smile.” He smirks at you and reaches for your hand with one of his hands. You don’t take it yet, he has more to say. “I’ll give you everything. A house. A husband. I’ll put a fuckin’ baby or two into you. You just gotta do as I say. Love me. Be a good mom. I’ll give you the whole fuckin’ world, babygirl. You just gotta follow the rules.” His hand on the table urges for yours softly. You place your hand in his because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Doesn’t want you to come for three days but that’s fine. “You saved me. I owe you my whole life, Bird.” His eyes soften and he squeezes your hand gently. You sigh before you respond to him, because he’s right. And so do you.

“I owe you mine.”

Joel made himself come twice into your open mouth before it was no longer just the two of you home alone. Jerking himself off with your help as he stood over you on the bed. You talked dirty up to him and touched his balls for him. The sound and faces he made...you've never gotten so wet before watching him do that to himself.

“It stinks in here; like a skunk.” Ellie wrinkles her nose as she walks into your room and sits on the bed next to you. “Did you shower today?” She teases and rests her head on your shoulder. You rest your head on hers.

“I did shower. It’s my medicine for my leg. Stinky. Gross.” You wrinkle your nose even though she can’t see you.

“Makes you fucking act weird.” She laughs softly. “You almost fell asleep in your soup last night. Laughing! You were laughing in your sleep too!” She is accusing. “Never seen any kind of medicine like that before.” She murmurs.

“Me either, kid. It’s all brand new to me. Do you have homework? You know Joel is going to get on you about it.” She leaves your bed for a moment and then grabs her book bag to bring back to you.

She does homework sprawled out on yours and Joel’s bed for the next hour while you watch her and answer questions she has about Old World History.

“No. Osama Bin Ladin. Sadam Hussein is a different guy. I think. Yeah, they’re different.” You point to something on a piece of paper she has. “I was there that day. The day the towers fell. My family had been in the city. We weren’t supposed to be but damn. It was fuckin’ crazy.” You whisper to her.

“Worse than the outbreak?” She looks over to you as you stare into space and remember something from so long ago that you haven’t thought of in so long.

“No. Just different.”

The night of the outbreak had been…chaotic to say the least. Your dad had been well armed and had already packed the car. After the first gunshot your dad said it was time to go. Couldn’t wait for your sister. You and your mom left a note on the counter in the kitchen in case she showed up and told her where you were going but you didn’t ever make it to your final destination. You had driven through the state of New York and into Ohio. You had planned on going to California because that's where your brother said things were looking good. Like they had things under control but once the gas ran out and you could no longer stop and get more… You had to walk.

Your mom died almost immediately. She had not been ready for all of this. She was scared and jumpy and couldn’t keep her big, New Jersey mouth shut. Ever. It felt like three minutes you were out of the car and she was gone. You and your dad walked, ran, survived together for so fucking long. You remember when Ellie asked if he was nice. He was not. He was mean. Didn’t understand why you couldn’t shoot a gun right away. Didn’t understand why you were scared. Pushed you around while you hiked through the Canadian wilderness. You crossed the border in Minnesota somewhere and then dropped back down into the states somewhere in Montana. You dad fell, stabbed himself in the leg with his own knife and died, septic while you sat by and watched, unable to help. You walked and walked for so fucking long. You had been traveling for twelve years. Camping in colonies peppered all over. You always move after a while though. Finally settled in Wyoming. Found this colony a while before Joel showed up but liked being on your own.

That wasn’t like the day the towers fell. Not even a little bit.

Ellie and you sat like that for another hour until Joel came in with dinner. You wanted to ask if he got that from Ava too, but with Ellie right here, you don’t. Ellie talks about her day at school while you all eat.

A game of Sorry! is played on the bed after dinner. You give Ellie a kiss on the cheek before she goes to bed.

You and Joel smoke the rest of the joint from earlier before he crawls into bed with you.

“Let Daddy suck your tits, baby girl.” He’s pushing your shirt up but you fight him softly.

“You’re not going to let me come, so why torture me?” You whine as he licks from your belly button up to your sternum.

“Cause I want to. Simple.” Joel forces your shirt up over your chest and takes the hard peak of your breast into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the bud quickly.

“Joel, it’s to—”

“What’d you call me?” He snaps his head up to look at you, his eyes focused on yours. It’s almost alarming. “You just call me by my name?”

“I’m s-sorry, Daddy.” You look down at him as he resumes his lapping and sucking of your tits.

“Talk dirty to me babygirl, like Daddy showed you earlier.” Joel says this with your nipple between his teeth. It makes you groan softly. This is the first time that he’s ever put his mouth on you like this. It’s fucking exhilarating You’ve never had a mans mouth on your nipples like this before. It feels so fucking incredible.

“Suck on my tits, Daddy. I like w-when you bite them.” You whimper softly as he bites down on the other nipple, now with a little more force at your words. He pulls his head back and lets your bud slip from within his teeth, they rake against your sensitive peak. It draws a whine from your throat.

“Fuckin’ Jesus. Keep fuckin’ talkin, baby.” Joel’s straddling your good thigh, thrusting against your skin, you can feel him again. His screaming hot length against your upper thigh. Something comes over you. You want to see if you can get him to forget punishment. Forget all about it like you forget things when you’re pleasure filled.

“I want you to fuck me, Daddy. I want your cock in every single one of my holes.” You whisper up into his ear. Joel grips your hip with one of his hands and looks down into your eyes.

“Don’t stop.” He murmurs softly, his hips thrusting faster now.

“Put it inside me, please. I’ll be a good girl.” You speak softly…innocently, up to him. Joel has to clench his eyes shut and press his forehead against yours. “Please, Daddy?” Joel lets out a guttural moan before he opens his eyes and looks down into yours. “Please. You can get me pregnant.” You whimper again, batting your eyelashes softly. He groans from deep in his chest.

“Fuuuck.” Joel rips his head away from yours and moves his other knee to between yours and throws your good leg up onto his shoulder and holds your ankle there as he places himself at your entrance while he strokes himself with his fist. “ You’re fuckin’ naughty. ” Joel growls as he pushes just his hips forward, driving himself into you quickly. It jolts you and suddenly…you have a flash of deja vu. This was in your dream you had the other night.

“Joel—” He puts his fingers into your mouth to quiet you.

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that in here- not in the bedroom. I’m your fuckin’ Daddy in here, do you understand me?” Joel is harsh with you as he continues to thrust into you vigorously. “Suck.” He coos now, down to you as you wrap your lips around his fingers, swirling your tongue. “Good fuckin’ Princess.” He grips your ankle tighter as he fucks you.

You’re walking this threshold of being scared and also very turned on. You think you’re in love with Joel. You don’t know why. Something about being with him all the time and how good he is to you outweighs the fear of the things he says and does to you in the bedroom because he’s not really ever hurting you. Never. If he did it was always consensual and it ended when you spoke up about it. You don’t think that is his ever his intention.

But something about all of this, being high and so fucked up while he touches you…feels good but it doesn’t necessarily feel nice. It feels like you’re being…used. Or taken advantage of! That's it! Taken advantage of in your high state. Even though you begged for this- were you really the one begging for it? You’re so high you don’t fucking know and the weed makes you so paranoid. So fearful for some reason…but you had been afraid in the hospital too. Everything was so confusing and maybe you just wouldn't smoke anymore weed. You’d just be in pain but clear headed from now on.

“Fuck baby girl. Yes. Let Daddy come inside you.” Joel groans loudly. You feel his cock twinge inside of you. This orgasm is long and he moans and thrusts himself inside of you the entire time. You feel like he comes forever. Where does he get it all?

He came while you were lost in thought! You hadn’t even been focused on coming! Jesus Christ. Your own plan— foiled with dumb thoughts!

“And she followed her punishment. Good fuckin’ girl.” He growls, kissing your forehead before withdrawing from you with the squelch-iest wet noise you’ve ever heard come from between your legs. It even grabs Joel’s attention and his eyes fall to your middle as he crawls out of bed. “Fuckin’ shop vac. It’s a vacuum. A wet one.” Joel smirks down at you. This makes you smile because you like when he compliments you. A lot. You love praise and being called a good girl and a princess and a fuckin’ filthy slut. You do love it. But… you still feel so uneasy with him right now.

Joel walks into the bathroom, comes back with a cloth and is wiping himself down. Then he wipes you down while kissing your forehead.

“You can come tomorrow. I was harsh. I like when you come with me.” Joel walks back into the bathroom before you can say anything. You’re left alone feeling frustrated and annoyed and horny still. High as fucking shit right now too.

“Water. Please.” You croak out before he can leave the bathroom. He brings you back a glass and holds it out. His flaccid cock is still so god damned big- it's literally swinging between his legs. It’s still awe inducing even not throbbing. Joel sees you looking and covers it with one hand.

“Always starin’ at it. You make me self conscious.” He teases as you take the water from him.

“It’s fuckin’ perfect.” You say after taking a sip. “And all mine.” You flick your eyes up to him. “I mean it. Mine.” Joel smiles now, a big wide one and leans in. "That big dick is mine."

“That’s it baby. Claim me. What else?” You've awakened something within Joel. You can see it flash behind his eyes.

“I’ll knock that fuckin’ Ava bitch and you both the fuck out if I ever find out something happened or happens between you two. Understand me?” You lean in and kiss his lips. He nods. Big happy nods of understanding. “Good. Get into bed with me.” You demand it from him.

“Jesus H Christ. Who the fuck is this? I love her! God damn,” He crawls into bed excitedly and pulls you into him after you set the water on the night stand. “I’m all turned on again. Keep going.” Joel is giggling. Like a little kid. It makes you laugh and sink down into the mattress with him.

“Nothin’ happened while I was in the hospital, right? Between you and Ava?” Joel gives you a look of shock.

“Baby. I would never. I promise. I’m not that kinda guy. You’re my ol’lady. You and you alone.” He kisses your lips softly. This eases fears and worries in your heart. “I’m yours and only yours.” Joel lays you back down onto the bed with him. “What’ll calm your mind, Birdie?” He whispers softly.

“I’m fine. I mean it. Just a lil jealous.” You whisper against his parted lips. “Mine.” You nip at his bottom lip and now he smiles.

“Soon as you’re good enough to walk…” He whispers. You give him a confused look. He says nothing and just smiles.

What does that mean? He’s going to fuck you into oblivion? Fine with you. He doesn't respond.

Joel holds you close to him until the both of you fall asleep.

You sit with Ellie in the kitchen, helping her with her math homework. She’s stuck and you are no help to her. It’s the worst. Joel comes in with more of Ava’s bread and her nasty jam. It’s not nasty it’s good but you dislike Ava. You watch as Joel helps her much more easily than you could and it makes you feel dumb. You should know these things like Joel does but your education was stolen from you and these things you had barely learned were pushed out of your head with things like how to shoot and how to skin animals and how to know what direction you’re going in without a compass.

Joel kisses Ellie's forehead when she’s done and you all sit at the table and look at each other quietly.

“There’s a boy at school. Real fuckin’ dick.” Ellie says over a mouthful of bread. It makes both Joel and yourself chuckle.

“What’s he do?” You ask, taking a bite of your own bread. She shakes her head and sighs.

“Trips me in the halls. Calls me Smelly Ellie. He likes the girl I like.” She rolls her eyes and this makes you hold back a smirk. “Jerk-off.” Now you laugh.

“How do you know he doesn’t like you?” Joel asks and you wrinkle your nose.

“Ew. No. Boys or girls who like you, Ellie, will not be mean to you. They might tease you a lil, try and make you smile! It wont be mean! And they won’t call you names…” You look at Ellie and she’s hanging on your words. “..they’ll be nice to you. Call you sweet things and make you feel good. Don’t let mean people trick you into thinking they’re nice.” Your eyes flick up to Joel’s, he’s looking right at you. Big dark eyes staring right into yours like he had been waiting for you to look at him. You look back to Ellie quickly. “You’ll know when someone likes you, babe.” You reach out and rub your hand against hers.

Bedtime.

Life is boring when you can’t fuckin’ do shit. Jesus. Can’t leave the house. Can’t walk up or down the stairs yet. Boring.

Joel hands you a joint. You shake your head from side to side.

“I don’t know. I feel weird when I’m high.” You look up at him but he urges you to take it. This makes you feel uneasy again. Why does he want you to be high so badly.

“Baby, it’s gonna help. It’s been helpin’ right? He gives you sympathetic eyes.

“I have weird dreams and I don’t think straight when I smoke that. Or eat those brownies.” You look up at him, trying to make him put it away with your eyes. He does not. He lights it, puffs on it twice and hands it to you.

“Smoke it, baby. You get so giggly. It helps. You're so fun, too.” You take it from him as he speaks, looking at him caution in your eyes. “Stop lookin’ at me like that. Smoke it.” Joel nods his chin up at you. You hit it a couple times and hand it back to him. “Good girl.” It makes your stomach flutter when he calls you that.

“You gonna make me laugh tonight?” You look up at him and suck on your bottom lip gently. He nods at you slowly as he puffs on the joint with you. “Oh yeah? Mr. Big Carpenter guy has jokes?” He smirks at you and passes the joint back.

“Whatever it takes to make you laugh the way you did when I whooped your ass that one night. Cryin, snortin’ or whatever that sound was.” Joel chuckles at the memory. You laugh too now because you remember him sounding so downtrodden in the dark that he didn’t make you come. Then he whooped you with an old TV cable, and you liked it, dirty birdie. “C’mon. Get up.” Joel helps you out of bed. He stands in front of you and holds one of your hands up in his, near both of yours shoulders and the other on your waist. “Put’it up here.” Joel elbows your limp lazy hand at your side and nods to his shoulder. You do and then he sways you gently from side to side.

Joel is slow dancing with you in your bedroom and it’s so fucking cute. Who is this man?

“You wanted to dance with me?” You ask softly, looking up at him. His eyebrows flick up once and he nods, pressing his lips to your forehead. You never got to slow dance with anyone. You hadn't gone to prom yet. Hadn't been to a single school dance because your dad always said no. Now Joel was fulfilling a long lost dream of yours.

“Sure did, sweetness. Love being close to you.” Joel makes sure to not sway you to far on your bad leg but he does that and slowly, very slowly moves you around the bedroom. Sometimes he hums to you, other times he’s just kissing you gently. “I’m gonna marry you.” He whispers gently in between kisses. “I will.” Joel dances you slowly back to bed as you stare up at him with hooded, bloodshot eyes again.

“Really?” It’s been several minutes since he said that and he had since taken off his clothes except for his boxers and crawled into bed next to you. Joel nods and sighs softly.

“Unless you don’t wanna. I want to. I want to marry you. Give you my last name. Give Ellie my last name if she wants it. Be a family. A real one. You can give her a sibling or two. Stay here forever with me?” Joel looks over at you with big, brown eyes and a small smile. You nod at him sleepily.

“Yes. Forever.” You whisper up to him as he now rolls onto his side to look down at you.

“You’ll be mine…forever?” He whispers softly. You nod up at him. He raises his eyebrow and gives you a knowing look. “You know better than that, Princess. Use your words.”

“I’ll be yours. Forever, Daddy.” You look up at him and now Joel is the one sucking on his bottom lip; the words you just said gave him some sort of satisfaction. He loved it. He leans down and whispers in your ear. It tickles and makes you giggle in your influenced state. You feel weightless right now and his words do nothing to help that dizzy feeling inside of you.

“I love you, baby girl.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

What the fuck happened last night? It definitely was not a dream. Not at all. It felt like one though. You’re up before Joel again and everything inside of you is telling him to wake his ass up and talk about what happened because you two just officially started dating. You thought you’d do that for a while before he proposed! And then you guys had sex! It was good sex but…you didn’t have sex. That part was a dream. For sure. You were on punishment. Who knows? You’re too worried about Joel proposing to also worry about dreams you have when you’re higher than the fucking Eifflel Tower! If that’s even what he did last night–propose! You don’t fucking remember! This is so scary. What the fuck is going on? You purposefully stir next to Joel with some oomph so he wakes up. It works.

“Mornin’.” He grumbles. His deep sleep filled voice gives you butterflies. You forgot what you were going to say. “Pretty.” He murmurs before closing his eyes again and touching your belly gently. His tongue touched just behind his slightly parted lips and now all you want to do is kiss him but you don’t! You remember why you woke him up.

“Did you propose to me last night?” You’re eyeing him suspiciously. Joel’s eyes snap open and they look at you curiously.

“More– more like a promise. I don’t even— we didn’t— You don’t got a ring on your finger yet. Slow down.” Joel takes his rough calloused hand and tries to closes your eyes gently and pushes your head back to the pillows. “Go back to bed. Damn. Actin’ like we still gotta run somewhere. Where we runnin’ to? Back to bed. That’s where. Close your damn eyes, woman.” He grumbles into your ear sleepily.

A huge sigh of relief comes over you because yes. That was fine. A promise. You could make promises. You can keep a promise too.

Your leg healed a lot while you were in a coma. It wasn’t a serious gunshot wound. It didn’t hit any bones or any major arteries. It did go deep into your muscle though and the doctors and nurses had taken it out. The stitches came out while you were unconscious. Now, you just have to get your body back to the way it was before.

Within three days you were up, limping around the house with Joel when he was home. It was wet and rainy today so he was off and following you around with his hands on your ass. Being silly. Sweet. Goofy. It was fun. He was so different now than he was before and out on the road.

“Cheeks for fuckin’ days. Lemme put my face between ‘em. C’mon, lean right on the counter.” Joel teases as he grips your ass in his hands and jiggles it gently. He hasn’t touched it in almost seven weeks. He missed it.

“Leave me alone you horny animal. Are you in rut?” You chuckle at him as you do some dishes. It felt good to get back to the normal flow of a regular life. Dinner was on the woodstove. You cooked today and wanted to have food almost ready for when Ellie got home from studying with her friends.

“For you? Yes.” He leans in and kisses your shoulder gently through your sweater. “Only you.” Now he presses his hips against yours from the back. “Love giving you this hard cock.”

“Joel!” You swat him away from you. You are sore. You had wanted to wait a couple days to get your leg back in normal, working order but he couldn’t wait. You kinda couldn’t wait either. Things just happened. Almost every night except your first night home from the hospital when you ate that brownie and the other night when you slow danced.

“Okay! I’m sorry I can’t help it. You’re too fuckin’ sexy and I missed you .” He coos the last part into your ear. It makes you shiver.

“Missed me. Ha! You’ve had me almost every night, Mister.” You push your hips back against his gently but his hands shoot to your waist and hold you there. He grinds against you, up and down, roughly. You can feel his length through his jeans and he’s exhaling so hard through his nose every time he moves his hips like it feels so good.

The front door opens and you both hear Ellie’s heavy, running footsteps into the kitchen. You have never seen Joel move so fast out of a room in your life. He’s down the hallway before Ellie can run in and see him in his aroused state. You both hear the bathroom door close loudly from down the hall. You chuckle.

“He must’a had to go real bad. I heard him running to the bathroom. Jeez.” Ellie hugs you tight. Not a day has gone by since you’ve been home that she doesn’t hug you first thing when she gets home from school. In the mornings…different story. She’s grumpy. You give her breakfast and talk to her as little as you can because she’s frightening. Not fun.

“Yeah he was just telling me how bad he had to go.” You lie and kiss the top of her head. “Missed you at school. Glad tomorrow is Saturday. We can walk around town together if it’s not too wet.” She looks up at you, arms still around your waist and nods happily.

“Yes please. Yes. Yes. I want to show you all the cool stuff and where me and my friends have been hanging out and everything!” She is so excited. And literally the most perfect child. You and Joel did the right thing. You’re so glad you didn’t go back to Jackson after the argument with Joel in the driveway after she had been taken.

“I love you.” It comes out of your mouth before you can stop it. Her arms drop and she looks at you with wide eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t m—” Before you can finish she hugs you tighter, squeezes you and presses her head into your shoulder. She doesn’t say it back. That’s okay. But you’re glad she knows how much you care for her. Almost died for her, would have– easily.

“You’re the best. I’m glad Joel brought you with us. I wasn’t at first but…I’m glad you came. Glad you said yes to him.” She looks up at you now, with her own big brown eyes and smiles. “I really am. You’re gonna make a great mom.” Her smile softens drastically but it’s still there and she hugs you tight, resting her head on your shoulder again.

You are speechless. You just hold her one arm against your waist and smile.

“I have homework to do. Do you think you could help me?” She asks as she pulls away from you. You’re now peeling potatoes into the sink for dinner.

“Can you ask Joel when he comes out of the bathroom? Go wash. Change. Stop stinkin’ the place up and maybe we can all work on it together before dinner is done.” She nods and runs upstairs with her book bag.

Joel comes out of the bathroom a couple minutes later and checks if the coast is clear.

“Wanna know what I did just now?” Joel whispers into your ear, his tongue teases your earlobe when he's finished speaking. You look over your shoulder at him with an eyebrow raised.

“I don’t know…do I?” You ask with a lip curled in distaste. Joel nods at you slowly. “Okay. Tell me. Weirdo.”

“I sucked on a pair of ya' panties and jerked off into another pair. Covered them in my fuckin’ come. You taste so fucking good, lil' girl.” He growls it lowly into your ear and you drop the potato you have in your hand.

“You sucked on my panties?” You blink at him. He nods and does the little flick of his eyebrow. His tongue dances slowly behind his lips. You fucking love when he does that. You can see just the tip of it behind his teeth and his slightly parted mouth. Fuck. Joel is so hot. You do kiss him now, quickly.

“Do you like that?” He gives you his big beautiful, brown eyed look he’s so fucking good at. You do like it. It made your fucking pussy twinge when he said that. Unsure as to why it turns you on so much. You nod.

“Next time jerk off into the panties I have on. Make me wear it.” You said it like it’s a challenge for him. Joel nearly falls over. Actually has to grab onto the counter and hold onto it because his knees buckle. “Are you okay, old man? What happened?” You tease him.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. That’s so hot. I’m gon' pass away.” Joel covers his eyes with the hand that isn’t supporting him. He makes you laugh. A real laugh and you like that. “Yer' bad. A real bad girl.”

“What’d she do?” Ellie asks, her once loud footsteps are now silent because she doesn’t have her big clunky shoes on. Joel’s head whips to her and he points with his index finger. She gets ready to run.

“She’s bein’ too nice to you. That’s what. Where’s your homework?” Ellie takes off and Joel takes off after her, quickly. It makes your apron sway in the gust of wind he created when he ran away. She took off back up the stairs. Joel followed, he took the stairs two at a time behind her. “Jesus Ellie, it’s fuckin' disgusting up here. We’ve been here for two months. How did it get so messy? Where did y'even get all these clothes? Whose stuff is this?”

It’s all muffled because they’re upstairs but you hear his dismayed voice at her messiness. Neither one of you goes upstairs. There isn't a reason to. But now you’ll have to start checking.

“Bring all your dirty laundry down! I’ll wash it all tomorrow!” You shout at them from your place at the sink. You throw all your taters in a pot and add water. Mashed potatoes, stew and bread. Perfect. You bake bread now. Ava can eat her bread and your family will eat your bread, thankyouverymuch,Ava.”

Ellie runs back downstairs with Joel right behind her.

“Stop! Stop! Stop!” She laughs as she runs and tucks herself into the corner of the counter beside you. Joel places either hand on the counter beside her.

“Y'stop running...I’ll stop chasing.” He quickly grabs at her side to tickle her and she flinches and scream softly. “Stop screamin’.” He does it on her other side. She laughs so hard and fights him off. “It’s not that funny.” Now he gets her on both sides and she’s nearly on the floor with laughter.

“He’s ticklish too, ya know.” You whisper down to Ellie over her laughter. Joel shoots you a narrowed eye look and Ellie’s hands move to his side with more speed than you could ever imagine and now Joel is the one giggling, trying to fight off her quick little hands.

“He– hey. Sto– Ellie. Stop.” Joel is laughing like you’ve never heard him laugh before and this is everything you could have ever imagined your life to be. Perfect. Laughter in the house. Food on the stove. Happy family to wake up to every morning. What are you so scared of?

Ellie and you walk arm in arm around town slowly. She knows everyone. They’re all so nice. It’s so weird. You hate it. You’re used to people trying to kill you. Makes you uneasy at everyones niceness. Ellie shows you all the things– it’s not much but it does resemble a town– a movie theater, a jail, a town hall. There is her school, the house of worship and you knew the medical center already. This was nice. The town hall was new and there wasn’t anything inside of it. No mayor would be elected. Just there in case meetings or other important events needed to take place, there would be a spot for it.

“That's her house.” Ellie whispers softly as you pass a light blue house with two stories. It looks exactly like yours but your house is dark gray. You love it. It’s like storm clouds. Thunder. “Her name is Dina.” She whispers so low that you have to strain to hear her actual name. You don’t even really hear it but you know better than to ask right in front of her house.

Ellie had to bring you that way to get back home. Everything in a giant circle basically and so she just took you around the whole colony. This was just a convenient trip to her loves home. A desperate attempt at a glimpse or maybe even a hello if Dina had been outside. But she hadn’t been and Ellie didn't see her.

“You’ll see her Monday.” You whisper, well enough distance to be out of earshot but you still whisper, just in case. “Have you walked her home yet?” You don’t whisper this part and Ellie nearly dies right on the sidewalk. Hands on your arm and she almost falls down dramatically.

“Oh my God. Stop. Don’t talk so loud.” She’s red in the face and looking around to see if anyone is outside. “She lives right there, oh my God.” You could tell she could pass away from embarrassment right now. “No. I get too nervous every time I try.” She whispers harshly at you.

“Okokokok. Sorry. I thought we were far enough away.” You wrap your arm around her neck. It’s just you and her today. Joel is working on getting your backyard ready. Cleaning up bullshit that had been in the house before, fixing the deck. Building a fire pit. Making the house a real home.

“Did you mean what you said yesterday?” Ellie looks up at you and her eyes scan your face as you nod down to her. “Why?” You have to think about what to tell her… not what but how. It takes you a minute as you look down at the sidewalk below your feet. Her eyes never leave the side of your face.

“This is gonna be weird. Kinda hard for me maybe, okay?” She nods up at you, eyes softening tremendously as they look into yours. “I’ve always wanted a kid of my own. I thought that opportunity got taken away from me when this outbreak happened. I never thought…I never expected to have a child dropped into my lap when I least expected it.” You smile now while she listens, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. “I know that I am not your mom. I’ll never try to be, unless you want me to. But I’m excited that I get to watch you grow. That I get to help you. Protect you. I didn’t know if I’d get the chance when Joel was trying to get us out of that hospital. If I ever do have my own kid someday, you’ll always be my first baby.” You lean down and kiss her on the top of the head with a loud smack. “Always.” You kiss the top of her head ten million times and she’s laughing.

“I like it. I like that you–you know…wanna…take care of me.” She looks up at you now with her big brown eyes that look like Joel’s somehow. “I didn’t get taken care of before this. Just raised. Barely.” Ellie’s voice is steady and she’s confident in herself. You’re a mess. About to sob and fall down on the sidewalk and roll around crying because you love her so much. “You and Joel are good at it." She hesitates for a moment and then speaks again, quietly. "This is what a family feels like?” She asks, so innocently and so genuinely that it actually hurts your heart. She doesn’t know or have anything to compare it to.

“I think so. My family wasn’t like this.” You both stop walking and she looks up at you with confusion in her big brown eyes. “My dad was an asshole. Mean. Nasty. Spoke badly to me and my mom and sister. He didn’t respect us.” Ellie’s eyes are sad now. Big and sad.

“Why?” She asks curiously. You shrug.

“I dunno. Just was. Always was. I was scared to come home from school most days, cause I didn’t wanna get screamed at for nothin’.” You start walking her back towards home. “I’m telling you this because I don’t ever want you to take Joel for granted. He and I are always just trying to keep you safe. Don’t ever hate us for that, okay?” She nods up at you but you don’t know if she really understands. Having parents isn’t always fun.

When you get home Joel is waiting for you guys but he wants to talk to you. You can tell. It’s written all over his face.

“My girls.” Joel smiles through his worried eyes and slaps Ellie up like they’re best friends. You shake your head. “It’s Saturday. Chores. Make lunch. Then we’ll eat and you can go do whatever it is you do up in your room. Clean it this time , maybe. Something.” Joel pushes her into the kitchen. “I gotta take Bird for another walk. We’ll be back.”

“My leg aches.” You whine once you get outside. You didn’t wanna fight with him inside in front of Ellie, because he was basically waiting for you at the door.

“I know, baby. I know. I brought this for us.” Joel holds a joint up and lights it as you walk towards the driveway and back down to the sidewalk. Joel puffs on the joint for a while and you watch him from the corner of your eye.

“So you just smoke my medicine like it’s recreational?” You tease, you don’t really mind. It’s a fun thing you do together; that makes you fearful of him and also paranoid and you forgot how to swallow and breathe that one time, but it’s fun.

“Here, baby.” Joel holds the joint to your lips so you can keep your hands in your pockets. You puff twice, too big, cough and choke for a minute. You have to stop and bend at the waist and you almost throw up. “Ok. Not that much. Cheech and Chong over here.” He laughs as he pats your back.

“I’m Cheech Marin. I’m one hundred percent Cheech.” You wheeze and pant as you stand up straight. Joel belly laughs when you say this. You look up at him red-faced and teary eyed.

“Sure are, babe.” You walk like that until you get to the park just outside of the medical center. It’s just a small playground but there is a bench and you guys sit. “What’d you and Ellie talk about today?” He asks nervously. You give him a suspicious look.

“Why? You don’t want her to tell me something?” You take the joint from Joel and hit it very carefully because your lungs feel like raisins. Joel is hiding something. What is it?

“Did she ask you about what happened at the hospital? Do you even remember? ” He asks, taking your free hand. You nod slowly. Neither one of you talked about it at all yet. “I didn’t tell her the truth.” Joel tells you this freely.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell her that Marlene did that to her?” You get a little angry but you kinda think you know where Joel is coming from. “Ugh. Nevermind. I know. What did you tell her?”

“They did the tests. Those doctors stopped looking for a cure.” Joel gives you big brown eyes again. Always. “I said raiders attacked. I told her Marlene didn’t make it.”

“Did she make it? I don’t…” You trail off because you had basically already lost almost all of the blood inside of you at that point. The whole elevator ride down to the parking garage was a little fuzzy and gray. Hard to remember exactly what was said and what happened. Joel shakes his head.

“I told Ellie that the raiders got Marlene.” Joel whispers softly. “I killed her, though. I was going to let her go but then she went for the car. She went for you and Ellie. I shot her.” Joel sighs it out like he had been needing to tell someone. You press your free hand to the side of his face. The joint has gone out. Neither one of you need anymore. Looking at each other with red, squinting eyes. In public! “I told her that there were a lot more people like her. That they didn’t need her anymore so we could all go home.”

“And that’s what you want me to tell her if she ever asks?” You look into those big eyes and get lost in them.

“That. You could say you don’t remember. I just don’t want her to hate us for taking away her choice.” Joel looks like he could cry.

“We gave her a choice, Joel. I told her what could happen, in front of the RV that day you found the game. I warned her of what might happen. She had a choice and she made it. Those doctors lied to her. We didn’t lie. I understand why you did and I respect you and I won’t tell her but don’t feel guilty, baby. You did the right thing. We did the right thing.” Joel nods his head quickly and leans into your hand.

“Thank you. I didn’t even think of it until you and her went off on your own today. I thought for sure she was going to pry you for info.” Joel smiles know.

“Can I ask you something?” You’re nervous. You’re going to tell Joel about your paranoia and fears and it’s making your legs shiver and tense up.

“Anything.”

“Why do you treat me like that…in the bedroom? You’re so… aggressive all the time. You speak down to me. Even at the table the other day you said I was below you.” You speak fast because you’re scared. Holy shit you’re so scared. Joel’s eyes haven’t left yours. “It makes me nervous. It makes me feel like… your property. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend. ”

Joel’s eyes soften immediately and he holds your face in his hands now.

“I thought… I thought you liked that?” Joel looks at you confused. “We haven’t done anything we didn’t do back in the cabin besides the dirty talk. We did that too, it’s just different.” Joel shrugs his shoulders.

“And the being below you comment? The punishment ?” You’re confused. Just as confused as he is, apparently.

“Did you not like being punished? On the road? I thought that was like, something we’re exploring.” Joel has his hand on your good leg and is squeezing gently. “I don’t understand. When I told you I would be gentle with you, you basically told me to scram.” Joel chuckles nervously.

What the shit? Is he right?

“What about my dream the other night? I don’t think it was a high brownie dream…I think you fucked me. Without my permission.”

“You gave me permission ten thousand times! I asked so many times!” Joel exclaims, holding both hands out to you like he’s showing you off to someone who isn’t there. “Then you wake up talkin’ about it’s a dream and start callin’ me daddy again—”

“I didn’t call you daddy. I said in my dream you told me to call you daddy–” You’re leering at him and he’s leering right back at you.

“You called me that shit first! I didn’t like it the first time you said it but you kept moaning it over and over and I got rock fuckin’ hard eatin’ your pussy while you called me daddy. I was ashamed !” Joel is mad at you now. “You’re right. You shouldn’t smoke anymore weed. Accusing me of what— raping you?” Joel stands up from the bench. “I like it rough. I like to dominate the hell out of you and talk real dirty to you in the bedroom. I’d never do that , though, Jesus. If I thought you didn’t want it I’d never take it from you—get outta here.” Joel waves his hand at you dismissively.

“The below you comment?” You’re unwavering, even with his behavior. Joel snorts and shoves his hands into his jacket pocket.

“I’m sorry. I was an ass for that. I’m hot headed sometimes.” Joel kicks at the ground with his boot. “Shit, s’why I was a single dad.” Joel’s eyes meet yours for a moment but then he looks away. “I am sorry. I get carried away.”

“I didn’t like it. I’ve been terrified at night because I don’t know what’s real and what’s a dream. That comment didn’t ease any anxiety I had.” You huff softly when you’re done talking because now you are confused if this is all something your weird, blood denied and weed filled brain came up with. You do not know.

“Terrified? Of me? Like I’m the boogie man?” Joel kicks at the ground again. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you or hurt you. Nothin’ like that.” Joel walks back to you now and sits where he had been before. “Don’t want you scared of me. Ever. I wanna be your husband one day. Not someone you think you’re forced to be with. If you think that, tell me.”

“I don’t feel forced. I just want you to respect me. Treat me good. I think I just had time before, when we didn’t see each other in between— but when someone calls you stupid and a slut every fucking day even if it’s sexy…I don’t know. Maybe I’m starting to believe I’m only good for one thing.” Words you didn’t even know to be true are coming out of your mouth but those words sounded productive to your stoned ears.

“Bird. Look’it me.” Joel’s stern voice pulls your eyes from the grass in front of you. He’s staring at you. “ Smartest , most incredibly strong woman I ever met. I mean it. You blew me away on the road. Every single day. You still do.” Joel grabs both of your hands in his. “Ellie made me want to be a parent again. You make me wanna have another baby. I want a family with both of you and being safe here, in Jackson— it just makes sense.” Joel squeezes your hands now. “I see Tommy and Maria getting their house ready for their kid and, I dunno. There is that extra bedroom upstairs .”

You want kids. You want ‘em bad. You’ve been thinking about it since Joel said it at the table that same day he said you were below him. Neither of those things have left your brain.

“You’re serious?” You ask him, dropping your eyes to your lap because this sucks. Your brain is still telling you something is not right. “I’d wanna wait.”

“Lil’ late for that, Bird. We been tryin’ since basically you got home. Started on the road, really. Stopped thinking with my big brain.” Joel taps his head with his finger. Your heart starts to race in your chest because he is not wrong. He’s come inside you almost everyday.

“Stop. Don’t do it again until I’m really ready. I don’t think it’ll take me long. I jus— I need to wrap my head around that.” You’re sweating even in the cool spring air. “I mean it. Pull out for a while.” You’re looking up at Joel now and he must see the fear in your eyes because he pulls you in for a big hug. A good hug. It makes you feel safe.

“Whatever you need, Bird. I’ll do anything to make you happy. I mean it.”

Joel walks home with you hand in hand, right past Ava’s house so if she is home and watching get a good look, lady! He’s taken! Him and his big ole weiner! You don’t know why you’re so nervous about Ava. She just gives him bread and jam. Soon you’ll know how to make jam too and you and Joel and Ellie will need nothing from her but her schooling. That’s it.

Ellie had cleaned the house a little and made sandwiches for lunch. Which were actually not bad. You liked that they had fresh meat and veggies at the little market down in the town. Joel picked up some turkey there and it’s actually better than you ever remember turkey being.

“Do you pay for any of this stuff? How do you even do that?” You look at Joel after taking a bite of your sandwich. He shakes his head.

“It’s all communal. Everyone gets a share of everything unless they don’t want it.” Joel starts to explain and Ellie pipes in.

“Like Miss. Ava is a vegetarian so she gave her share to him this week.” Ellie nods her head at Joel. You raise an eyebrow at Ellie and do not meet Joel’s staring eyes. They’re boring holes in the side of your face.

“How nice of Miss. Ava.” You go back to your sandwich and look out the window. The ceiling is so nice. And so is this beautiful table. Wow. Holy smokes, the floors are incredible. Joel clears his throat but you still don’t look at him. You look at Ellie again and admire her cheek bones and nice nose. Joel clears his throat again, louder and Ellie looks at him, sees him staring at you and then looks at you, staring at her.

“What is going on?” She asks innocently. You shake your head and look down at your plate.

“Nothing. I was just thinkin’ about how pretty you are.” You smile, looking up at her again. “Do you have a lot of kids at your school?” You ask curiously, you never have asked before.

“There are thirteen of us teenagers. The oldest is seventeen. The youngest is twelve. There are a lot of younger kids though. Younger than ten I think. They’re on a different level of the school.” You’re so interested. You can see Joel still looking at you out of the corner of your eye.

“Do you guys all ever see each other or do they keep you separate all day? You know, from the littler kids.” Ellie nods as she swallows a bite of her sandwich.

“We all get lunch at the same time. The little kids are pretty cute. ‘Cept when they cry. Then they’re annoying.” She takes another bite.

You do look at Joel now and he’s got his big brown eyes on the apology setting. You eat the rest of your lunch in silence and when everyone is done Ellie clears the table and brings everything into the kitchen and washes up. Joel leans in and puts his elbows on the table.

“It’s not whatever you’re thinkin’.” Joel whispers. You shrug.

“Does she even know about me?” You ask just as quietly as he had spoken. Joel nods enthusiastically.

“Of course. We talk about you all the time.” He motions to himself and Ellie in the kitchen. “Stop bein’ jealous. Ain’t nothin’ to be jealous of. I’m yours, baby. All of me. I promise.” Joel gets up from his chair and walks to you at the other end, kissing the top of your head. “Do you wanna get out of the house again? We can go do something? Go to the bar?” Joel grips your chin and makes you look up at him. You shake your head no.

“I’m tired. Leg hurts. I think I need a nap.” Joel leans down and kisses your lips when you’re done speaking.

“Do you want to take a cold shower together— a gentle one– and then we can nap?” Joel looks down into your eyes as he rests his forehead on yours. “A nice one. I’ll wash you. Kiss you real nice. Won’t touch you funny or nothing. Just be gentle.” The words are whispered against your lips and you do want a cold shower with Joel. Real bad. A gentle one.

You stand up as he’s kissing you and his tongue teases your bottom lip as he pulls away. Joel’s hand finds yours and he’s gently pulling you into the kitchen, he calls to Ellie as she finishes the dishes.

“Hey, she’s gonna nap. I’m showering. Prolly gonna nap too. Stay home.You can go with your friends tomorrow, okay?” Joel pauses with you at his side. Ellie nods and wipes her hands on her jeans. “Maybe go clean your room.” Joel eyes her and points a finger. Ellie rolls her eyes and heads upstairs. Joel watches, making sure she goes up there and once her door shuts, Joel leads you to the bedroom and into your attached bathroom.

“I love you.” Joel’s whispering against your lips as he unbuttons the flannel shirt you have on. “I do. It breaks my heart that you’re scared of me.” He pushes the shirt off your shoulders and down your arms. “Don’t be scared, baby girl.” His hands are working on the buttons of your jeans and he's pushing them down your thighs carefully. “My lil bird, scared. Frightened.” He’s kissing you while speaking, desperately . Gently, yes. But it’s like he cannot get enough of you.

You lean against the wall as Joel undresses quickly in front of you, unbuttoning his own flannel shirt quickly. You watch but you’re getting nervous for the shower. It’s so cold but when he pushes his pants down and he swings freely between his legs you forget all fears of the shower and wonder how he gets that thing inside of you.

“Starin’ at it!” Joel covers it with one hand. “Stop it.” He holds the other hand over what the first hand doesn’t cover.

“How can I not! Look’it the thing. Jesus. It’s huge.” You have never really seen Joel’s flaccid dick this much before. It was always hard and big, yes, but it’s big when it’s soft too! What the hell!? “That thing really does make me stupid, holy shit.” You give him a big, stupid smile and he laughs at you and kisses your forehead.

“I don’t think you're stupid. I don’t. Really.” Joel feels bad. You can hear it in his voice.

“Hey, I like it. Sometimes. Every four days I like it. Everyday is too much. I’m sorry.” You look up at him as he starts the shower.

“Don’t be sorry, Bird.” He steps in immediately because it’s not going to warm up. Joel doesn’t even react. “I’m sorry. We should have talked more. I’m just aggressive. With everything. ‘Specially you. I’ll be better.” Joel holds his hand out for you to take so he can help you in.

Joel holds you under the cold water, despite your giggling protests so that you can get used to it. He giggles with you and kisses your lips softly as the water stops being freezing and just is cold now. Once nice and wet, Joel wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to him.

“Sorry for accusing you of anything. My brain’s been all foggy. Weird this last week.” You apologize to his chest because you do feel bad. This good man wouldn’t hurt you. You can tell in his touches.

“Bird, stop apologizing. I never should have assumed you were good to sleep with when you were high. I fucked up. That was wrong of me and I won’t do it again. I won’t do nothin’ you don’t wanna do, okay baby girl?”

Joel plants gentle kisses across your collarbones and shoulders. He turns you and kisses every inch of your back. Doesn’t miss a spot as his hands move up and down your sides and front as he does it. His hands and lips never stray past your waist or to your chest. His tongue dips out and tastes your skin sometimes, and his warm breath is inviting on your cool flesh. You rest your forehead on the wall of the shower as he kisses across the small of your back. His hands grip your lower stomach gently like he worships the little extra flesh you carry there. He does. He holds onto it and pushes you back against his mouth as he kisses and nips up your spine.

“You’re so pretty, baby.” He whispers in your ear as he stands up behind you. You can feel his erection pressed into you from behind but he doesn’t try or do anything with it. It’s just pressed against your ass as he grabs a bar of soap. He washes you gently. So carefully. Joel washes your hair and kisses along your neck after he rinses you. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers into your ear. “So sorry.” His deep voice travels slowly in your ear canal as he shuts the water off. “C’mon. Let’s go nap, tired bird.” Joel dries you off and gets you into a long t-shirt to sleep in.

“I’m sorry. I feel like I made a big deal out of nothing.” You whisper into his chest as he wraps you up in his arms. “I love you, too. I do. You’re very good to me. You took good care of me. Saved my life.” You’re teeth are chittering because you’re so cold but he presses his already warm body against yours tightly, feelings your body shivering against his.

“It is a big deal. Your happiness and your safety are my biggest concerns. If you don’t feel neither of those things then I’m doin’ something wrong.” Joel sighs and rests his chin on the top of your head. “I’m bad at this. Bein’ a boyfriend. A husband. Been single for so fuckin’ long.” He sighs again and runs his fingers across your back. “I’ll be better. I’ll try. Talk to me though. You ain’t got nothin’ to be scared of.”

Joel’s words and his calming touches do make you feel better. A lot better.

“Okay.” You whisper sleepily.

“We’re goin’ to Tommy and Maria’s tonight for dinner and a fire outside. Rest up. We’ll have a good time. Get to show off my girlfriend. ” Joel yawns and pulls the blankets up over your shoulders. “I’m sorry again, baby. I love you.”

Dinner was good. Maria is a good cook and Tommy knows how to smoke meats very well. The weather was cool but the big fire the four of you sat around was nice. Joel held your hand in his while drinking something Tommy had given him. You drank wine and Maria had water. She was close to giving birth soon.

“Are you excited?” You ask, leaning over to talk to her while the brothers talked about buildings and things they needed for around town. She nods excitedly.

“We just finished his room. Tommy went and found a crib that’s really nice. It’s so clean and perfect.” She rubs her belly gently and looks at Tommy who is sitting across the fire. “He’s going to be such a good dad.”

“His room? How do you know it’s a boy?” You ask, a smile creeping onto your face as her own smile grows. She shrugs and cradles her unborn baby inside of her.

“I don’t know for sure. I just hope it’s a boy– I’ll be happy either way, really. But I want a boy so bad. I wanna name him after my brother.” She looks sadly at the fire now right in front of her. “I lost him pretty early in the outbreak.” She looks over to you now and flushes the sadness from her eyes and smiles.

“No kids of your own?” She asks, eyes flicking between you and Joel quickly. You shake your head.

“Not yet. We been thinking about it since we came back, though.” You explain, taking a sip of your wine. Maria’s eyes light up.

“You should! They could grow up together. It would be so nice to have another first time mom around.” She sounds excited but her eyes keep flicking between you and Joel. You look over your shoulder at him and he’s looking at you with a smile on his face, then he turns back to Tommy.

“I want to. I think about it a lot.” You turn back to Maria who has turned her whole pregnant body towards you. You let go of Joel’s hand finally and turn to face her also. “I never thought I’d get to. It’s almost like my brain accepted that I wouldn’t have my own kids so now I can’t accept the fact that it’s an option now.” You try to explain the best you can but Maria is nodding and has her hand on your forearm.

“I know. I know exactly what you mean. Those two just want to…fuck. Spread their seed. A mother’s instinct runs so much deeper than just a need to procreate. I thought Tommy was so dumb for wanting to have a baby in a place like this.” She looks around their backyard. “But it’s so safe. It took me a while to warm up to the idea.” Her eyes soften as they look at you. “C’mon. I’ll take you to get more wine.” She grabs your hand and leads you into their house.

It’s beautiful and nicely decorated. Maria keeps a clean home and it’s inspiring.

“Thanks for having us over tonight. We’ll have you over as soon as our backyard is cleaned up. Joel works on it everyday.” You look out at him through the window above their sink. Joel is so fucking handsome. It literally pains you. He’s all yours, too.

“He good to you?” Maria asks as she fills your wine glass. You honestly don’t need anymore but you feel too good to tell her to stop.

“What do you mean?” You turn to eye her suspiciously and lean against the island she’s setting the wine bottle down on.

“Is Joel good to you?” She’s serious. Much more serious than she had sounded outside. She had a tone of freaking wonder or something when she had been outside talking about babies and Tommy. Talking about Joel… she sounds…nervous? What the fuck?

“Yeah. He’s really good to me.” You look into her eyes and she’s moving them from you to the door that leads outside then back to you. “Why?” Now you’re fuckin’ nervous. What the actual fuck does she mean and why are her eyes doing that?

“Tommy has just told me some things. I worry for you and Ellie.” She leans on her elbows like you are. “He’s a dangerous guy.” You know this. You’ve seen him in action, but he’s not dangerous to you. No. He protects you.

“Yeah. Gotta be out here, to survive. If he wasn’t dangerous I wouldn’t have made it back here alive.” You defend him because was Tommy not dangerous at one point either? Joel told you about what he and Tommy did. You’re not blind to his past. Not really, you don’t think. “Tommy should know all about being dangerous. Right?” Your eyes scan her face.

“Tommy didn’t have an ex-wife who fled in the middle of the night to never be heard from ever again.” She whispers this. “Gone. In the wind. Didn’t call the kid. Didn’t come to visit.” This is all news to you. Joel had told you she left him, yes, but he didn’t tell you that she disappeared.

“He do something to her?” You ask nervously. Maria shakes her head. You let out a sigh of relief.

“Tommy just said that Joel can be controlling. Domineering. Possessive.” She says the words slowly. “Tommy doesn’t think Joel would ever put his hands on a woman. But Joel did or said something to make his ex run away. Far away. So far she never wanted to talk to her kid again.”

“Tommy told you that? That Joel did something?” You raise one eyebrow. Maria shakes her head from side to side again.

“Just my assumption.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Could have been an affair too, who knows. Just weird she didn’t wanna see her daughter after. I can’t imagine not seeing him and I don’t even know him yet.” She leans back and rubs her stomach. “I just want you to be careful.” She looks down at you seriously.

Maria! You are drunk and maybe still a little high from earlier! You had just gotten a lot of the fear and worry and doubt out of your heart and now you sleep next to a stranger again! Maria! Why!? You liked it better when you didn’t know any of that stuff and now you wish you could go back in time and politely decline her offer for more wine. You’re drinking it now too and it’s just going to make you more drunk. You set it down and push it away from you.

“I shouldn’t. I still have to take my medicine tonight.” You’re fucking nervous now because you’ve only been drunk the one other time when you were fifteen and you’re legs feel like they have no bones in them. “And walk home.” You sigh.

Joel and you say your goodbyes. Hugs and thank yous. We’ll do this again soon is said several times by all four of you. Joel grabs your hand and holds it tightly in his, interlacing his fingers into yours.

“Did you have fun?” Joel looks down at you with his perfect brown eyes and you wanna sit on his face. You nod up at him.

“I did. I like do– doing stuff like that.” You hiccup and wish you were home already. “I don’t wanna waaalk.” You whine as you guys get into the street.

“Hop up.” Joel kneels in front of you and holds his arms out at his sides. “Your leg should be good? Doesn’t hurt to bad?” You’re stopped behind him because he wants you to what? Play leap frog with him?

“What? You want me to jump over you?” You’re teetering to one side. “I can– barely stand up.” You almost fall and Joel has to jump up to catch you. “I’m drunk f’the first time in m-my adult life. I don’t—” Joel takes one of your hands and places it on his shoulder as he turns around. “I can’t jump over you!” You exclaim as he kneels again.

“Will you climb onto my back? I’m gonna piggy back you home, Jesus Christ.” He chuckles as you place your knees on sides. He holds you and lifts. There is a small dull pain in your leg but it feels better than walking with no bones.

“Weed and wine!” You exclaim as he carries you on his back. “I don’t like them, Joel Miller. I hate ‘em.” You rest your head on his shoulder. “What happened to your wife? Why did she leave you?” You slur against his jacket. Joel doesn’t stop walking.

“Unhappy. I worked a lot. We fought when I was home. Real bad. Really bad.” Joel whispers as you listen, your head still resting against his shoulder. “She’d hit me sometimes. I’d call her terrible things. She left in the middle of the night. Never heard from her again until I got divorce papers in the mail.” Joel looks back at your sleepy, drunk eyes. “Why you askin’ now, babe?”

“Been thinkin’ ‘bout it.” You lie through a whispered croak. “Don’t fight with me. Don— Don’t call me terrible things.” You continue to croak drunkenly.

“Don’t hit me.” Joel teases softly.

“Lemme ssspank you.” You close your eyes and he shifts you, lifting you up higher onto his back. You’re doing almost nothing to hold on besides the one shoulder you hold onto and the other you're resting on. Joel has to hunch to keep you up there.

“You can spank me, hell yeah. Fuckin’ teach me a lesson, Bird. I was bad. I need to be punished.” Joel laughs as you guys make your way up your own driveway and into the house. Ellie is making a snack in the kitchen when you get in.

“Oh no. She took too much medicine again?” She asks sarcastically. You think this is hilarious. Joel laughs too and shakes his head.

“Nope. Just had too much fun at Uncle Tommy’s house with Maria.” Joel kicks his boots off in the doorway and leaves them on the porch. “Come shut this door for me, El. I gotta put her to bed. We’re both goin’ to bed. You should too. You’re making breakfast in the morning.” Joel carries you to Ellie. You and her smile at each other and exchange a soft forehead touch while you cling to his shoulders.

“Love you, sssweet girl. G’night.” You sigh and rest your head on Joel’s shoulder again.

“Night! Love you guys. See you in the morning.” Ellie takes off up the stairs. Joel stands in the kitchen, not moving. The door to her bedroom slams shut.

“Did she just say she loves us?” Joel asks quietly. You nod sleepily against his shoulder.

“Yeah. I think so. I might’a jus’ said it to her. I dunno.” You’re so tired. Your mouth feels like it’s got weights inside of it. It’s so hard to talk. Oh my, God what is happening. You need to be laying down.

Joel gets you into bed and pulls your jeans off slowly.

“C’mon. Lemme put a baby into you. You’re gonna look so fucking sexy with my kid inside you.” Joel growls playfully and kisses from your lower stomach up to your chest, pushing your shirt up as he does it.

“I’d have a baby w– with you.” You hiccup again. You’re so drunk.

“I’ll put one in you when you're sober, baby girl. Joel kisses between your breasts and up your neck as he pulls your shirt up over your head for you. “I want to. So fucking bad.” Joel continues to kiss up your neck and towards your ear as he tosses your shirt to the floor behind him.

“Joel, do it.” You whisper up to him. He licks your jaw from your ear to your lips and he kisses you.

“I’m Daddy in here still. One of the rules now.” Joel kisses you again and then kisses back down your jaw on the other side.

“Daddy, please.” You want him inside of you so badly. The alcohol and his kisses have you wriggling underneath him.

“No.” Joel growls softly. “I’ll do it in the morning if you still feel the same.” He presses his erection against you through his jeans. “You feel how fuckin’ hard you make me? You feel how badly I want to? How bad I wanna claim that pussy forever. Cause you are mine. My baby, my sweet girl. Not below me. You’re right here with me, baby.” Joel’s whispering into your ear as he rocks his hips against your good thigh.

“Fuck, Daddy.” You moan softly at his words and his erection against you.

“Let’s go to bed.” Joel says suddenly. Your eyes shoot open.

“I congress–I cosign– I c-c-consent! Daddy please.” You’re begging him, drunkenly. Joel shakes his head no and gets off the bed to turn the light off.

“You’re drunk. I’m not. It feels weird now, after our talk in the park. C’mon. Let’s go to sleep.”

“Okay yes. Drunk. But still horny now. Cosigning. I wanna.” You look up at Joel as he crawls over you. “Please.” You look into his eyes and he’s still shaking his head no.

“Get yourself off. I’ll watch. I know you want it. I just can’t. Not tonight, babe.” Joel leans in and kisses you softly on the cheek, you pull away in frustration. “Awww, don’t be mad at me. Want me to suck those perfect fuckin’ tits while you touch yourself?” Joel offers some support in this whole denial of sex.

“No. I want to fuck.” Now you’re mad. You just wanna go to bed. You turn over and roll the opposite way from him, facing the wall. Joel laughs from behind you and pulls you in close to him.

“I wanna fuck you, too. ‘Nother rule is I don’t touch you while you’re intoxicated. Until you feel better about all of this at least.” Joel grinds himself into you from the back. “You feel that? It’s all yours, first thing in the morning if you still want it.”

if there are any tags you think I should add let me know.

#long reads #joel the last of us #fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller #ellie the last of us #pedro pascal characters #x you #angst #relationship #dark fic #female reader #crybaby universe #fic: venus in furs

22 notes · View notes