#fic: venus in furs

[slimybeth69]

Venus in Furs

Summary: After saving your life and getting you back to Jackson, things with you and Joel feel different. While navigating this new life, raising a teenager with a man you think you know-- you run into someone unexpected.

WARNINGS: This story contains DARK themes, HIGHLY dubious consent in early chapters. Pregnancy. Pregnancy loss. talks of child abuse. therapy speak. mean!joel, dark!joel, liar!joel. unreliable narration. multiple povs. cheating. mental health- PTSD, PPD. mentions of suicide attempts. highly adult sexual themes.

I'm not kidding when I say that this shit gets dark. I try and keep this as real as fucking possible.

Please be aware of the things you consume and if none of those themes are for you, please think twice about checking this story out.

Before you read this, I recommend reading Crybaby and Such Small Hands. You don't have to, but you'll probably be confused.

unbeta'd- poorly proofread

w/c- ~24k

Part 1

Joel and Ellie both sat outside of the car crying. You had just died twice in Ellie’s arms, but Joel somehow…somehow by the grace of God brought you back both times. You have a tourniquet on your leg and your neck isn’t bleeding anymore. You seemed pretty stable now but the car was broken down and it was still a five hour hike back to Jackson. If Joel left right now, he’d get Tommy to use the horses. Get you back to the colony in another six or seven hours. Joel knew you didn’t have it in you to wait that long but he couldn’t just sit here and let you die. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m sorry-- I don't wanna leave you—” Joel kisses the top of Ellie’s head quickly but she stops him from speaking.

“I wouldn’t leave her even if you wanted me to. I’ll stay right here. I promise.” She watches as Joel takes off running. Running with everything he has left in him which isn’t much but he’s going to shave off as much time off this hike as he can. 

Ellie lays down next to you in the trunk. She watches your shallow breathing carefully to make sure that you are in fact still alive. She places one hand in yours and looks at your swollen, bruised jaw. The puncture wound behind your ear is still bloody. Ellie does her best to clean you up with what water she had left. She never slept even though she was still tired herself. She wanted to but her eyes would snap awake the minute they closed to make sure you hadn’t passed in the two seconds she had fallen asleep.

The man Joel used to be is running through these woods. The man who dealt with the beginning of the outbreak. Not a man aged by time and stress and burdens. He was just a carpenter and in decent shape. Joel was running like him right now. He didn’t even bring his backpack, it would have just slowed him down. Just a map and a compass but he ran. Fast. Branches would scratch at his hands and face because he just didn't care about finding a path. He took the fastest route whether it was up or down or through trees or water or mud. It did not matter, nothing could stop this man. He ran like that for almost an hour before his body screamed at him to stop. He had traveled a decent distance in that hour. 

Another hour off his time and he was still moving, his sides cramped and he was slowing down. He had to breathe. Joel had been starting back up the second he felt like he could breathe. But now he needed to regather his strength. This was bad. You were going to die while Joel was hiking in the woods. Poor Ellie was going to have to sit with your dead body for hours. Joel felt so stupid. He should have stopped before he did to give you a tourniquet. He waited too long. Forty minutes of speeding out of the city and getting stuck at barricades and having to backtrack killed you. 

Joel would never forgive himself if you died. He asked you to come! He’s the one who really killed you and that was going to haunt him forever because he was looking forward to being gentle to you for a change. Didn’t think you liked it. Never asked for it. Never complained when he smacked you around and called you names. Joel liked that. Killed you over it. Running again. As fast as he fucking can.

Joel is pounding on Tommy’s door like it’s the end of the word all over again. 

“Joel it’s good to see you—” Tommy looks exhausted when he opens the door. So tired. Like Joel had just woken him up pounding on the door. He had. Tommy had been dead asleep. 

“I need your help, man. Real bad. So bad. Please can we just—” Joel is already down the steps of the porch heading in the direction of the stables. Tommy is so confused but puts his boots on and grabs his jacket. 

“What’s going on man? It’s the girl?” Tommy rushed to Joel’s side as he slipped the jacket over his arms. Joel shakes his head. 

“Different girl. My girl. She’s dyin’, Tommy. Might be dead when we get back there.” Joel sounds like he might cry. It’s a desperate plea for help and he’s only ever heard Joel speak like this once in his life. The night of the outbreak. “She’s all shot up. She’s bleedin’ real bad. I need to get her back here. I need you to help her.” Joel is still running to the stables. He knows where to go. 

“Okay man, we’ll get there. Calm down. You ain’t doin’ her no good if you keel over dead from a heart attack.” Tommy is trying to keep up with Joel. Trying so hard, but Joel is too fast. 

It takes them three and a half hours to get back to the car.

When you are able to finally open your eyes again. It’s four weeks later, but you don’t know that. Everything about you feels like you’re being torn apart from the seams. Your eyes don’t even really open. They just flutter. But then there are hands on yours. From both sides. Who is touching you? Why are they touching you in your sleep? Voices. Muffled ones are speaking to you rapidly and it sounds all jumbled up together. 

In your head you wanted to tell them to please stop speaking to you in Mandarin, because that’s not a language you understand and you needed assistance opening your eyes. Nothing came out though because your mouth feels like someone shoved a cactus down there while you slept. 

Joel did this to you! Joel ruined your throat with his going deepest contest or whatever he did to you in the bedroom yesterday! You should have bit it off of him. If you knew it was going to cause you this kind of pain? No. That was not fair or nice of Joel. Didn’t even give you any possible side effects of going deeper. Not even a cactus in the throat! Why did everything else hurt?. What the fuck. Your eyes do open at this new and sharp pain in your throat. All the other pain is dull and constant and this is sharp and new and only when you try to speak or swallow. Joel is there and you could throttle him for putting you in the hospital! How did an innocent blowjob turn into you being in the hospital? You just wanted to lick a penis for the first time in however many years and now look at you. Hospitalized. 

“Birdie.” Joel’s voice is soothing to you. Very soothing and calming and sweet and you’re not mad at this man. He could go as deep as he wanted. You’d let him. He’s fuzzy. Blurry like maybe you were underwater. “Shhh stop trying to talk. You’re intubated.” 

What is intubated!? What does that mean? You start to panic but everything hurts. Every joint and ligament. Every single fiber of your being aches. Joel leaves your side and now you’re even more scared. You just got here, why is he rushing to be away from you? Ellie’s sweet girl voice is in your ear and also very calming. 

“You need to relax. Just shhh and calm your body. Joel is going to get a Doctor to get the tube out.” What tube!? What is she talking about? Her words do little to calm you now that you have to worry about a tube in you somewhere. What the fuck is going on? The room your in is very similar to that of a hospital—

Ellie is by your side. Ellie is here! And she’s safe and talking to you in your ear and now you are calm because you didn’t have Ellie the last you remember. It’s coming back to you. Joel was walking beside you…touching your pinky with his because he thought that was the last time he was ever going to touch you again while you were still breathing. Ellie places a gentle hand on your upper arm and her warm touch is so comforting. You wish Ellie could crawl into this bed and just wrap you up in her warmth because you are so cold. You did not realize how cold you were. Now you’re shivering. Shivering so bad you think you might actually vibrate off the bed. 

Joel returns with a man in a white coat. 

Judas ! Get this coated man away from you! White coats are bad! Such bad people! They were standing over Ellie’s little frame and now you have to look at Ellie to make sure that she is in fact actually beside you and she is. Her cute face looks worried. Very worried. 

“He’s going to help.” Ellie whispers down to you. 

Then it goes black again.

“Hey, little bird.” Joel’s deep voice fills your small room. He holds flowers out to you. They bring a smile to your face, and now it doesn’t hurt to smile anymore. It does still hurt to talk though. Joel sets them down on the table next to you and sits down in the chair beside your bed. “You feelin’ better today?” He kisses your knuckles softly. You nod, still smiling at him. 

“Yeah.” Your voice is hoarse and croaky from the tube you had been intubated with. Not Joel’s cock like you thought. “Even better now that you’re here.” Joel smiles at this like he’s a young boy and not a fifty-something year old man. 

“We’ve been workin’ real hard to get the house ready for you. Our room is on the first floor so you won’t gotta deal with the stairs.” Joel holds your hand in his gently as he speaks to you, sounding excited. His eyes look excited too. 

Our room.

“I bet Ellie is excited to have the whole upstairs to herself.” You croak. Joel chuckles and nods. “She doin’ alright?” Joel nods and squeezes your hand. 

“Yeah she’s good. Just doesn’t really like comin’ up here— to the hospital. It’s got nothin’ to do with you, Birdie.” You nod in understanding because you don’t even like being here. “She told me to tell you that she misses you. You get to come home tomorrow though.” 

Home. You get to go home tomorrow. With Joel. And Ellie. 

“I know. I don’t blame her. I would have snuck out of here but sneaking is hard when you cannot walk.” Joel smiles as he continues to kiss your knuckles. 

“Birdie—” Joel cuts himself off when he sees the way that you’re looking at him through your eyelashes. “What? What I’d do? I just got here. You were just fine.” He’s worried, he doesn’t know what he’s done to make you upset or…whatever emotion you’re feeling while you look at him distrustfully. 

“Where did Birdie come from? When did you start calling me that all the time? You only ever used to call me crybaby .” You mock the old nickname you used to have. It’s not that you don’t like Birdie. Just curious as to where the fuck he pulled it from. Joel chuckles to himself and kisses your hand once more before letting it rest by your side again.

“I was cleanin’ ya' leg one night and you just kept whimperin’ and chirpin’ out. Sounded like a little birdie.” Joel’s smile is infectious and now you’re smiling back at him as he tells you the rest. “Then I’d make you sing like a lil bird.” His eyebrows flick up and now he’s smiling at you devilishly. “Miss hearin’ you sing for me.” 

Your stomach flutters at his words. Something about his body language too, it’s making between your legs tingle and that feels good . His legs are spread wide in the chair next to your bed, he’s leaning back. He’s relaxed. Joel index finger and thumb tug at the fabric between his legs and he lifts his hips slightly to adjust himself. Your eyes had watched for the whole four seconds it took for him to do that and then you flick your gaze up to Joel’s face.

“Been missin’ ya'. Gonna have to be real gentle with ya'.” He speaks low, almost a growl but it’s hushed. “Be real careful with my little bird.” He’s still leaned back in the chair, relaxed and with his knees as far apart as he can get them in the chair. Now his hands rubbing himself over the front of his jeans gently. You wish you didn’t have this forsaken hospital gown on and tied around the back of your neck because you’d pull it down for him and show him anything. “Say somethin’.” Joel whispers. You had just been watching, wishing you could participate. 

“I need you inside me.” You whisper back to him. Your hand reaches for him but he nods to your chest. 

“Touch ‘em. Squeeze those perfect tits f'me.” Joel’s own hand is now rubbing hard down into the crotch of his jeans. You can see the outline of him growing harder beneath the unforgiving fabric. You bring your one hand up to your chest through the gown and grope yourself in a similar fashion to what he’s doing. He lets out a sigh and his hips start to move slowly against his hand.

Your heart is pounding in your chest beneath your hand. There are people right outside that closed door and any of them could walk in at any minute to come check your vitals and then your temperature. If they do that right now they won’t let you go home tomorrow because you’re surely have high blood pressure and a fever because you’re sweating. You wish you could touch yourself like Joel but your leg is still to swollen and this bed is too small to stretch out the way you need to. 

“I can't wait to taste that fuckin’ pussy. I’ve been dreamin’ about it.” Joel groans softly. “Can’t wait to get my tongue deep inside that tight lil’ hole.” Joel’s words makes your walls contract and nothing is even inside of you yet. Your jaw falls open slightly. 

You’re still a little hesitant with dirty talk yourself. Usually Joel prompts you with things to speak back to him. The way he talks to you makes you blush. Especially now in public! It was never a problem back in the woods which funny enough was only a couple miles from where you lay right now. 

“Where else you want me to lick ya'?” Joel gives you a prompt right now but they’re so hard to think about when all you want to do is get touched! You want to go home right now. This is the first time you and Joel have had a real moment together without doctors and his brother Tommy and Tommy’s pregnant wife Maria. Or people from the town coming to offer support to Joel on the house he was fixing up. You’ve been awake a week and this is your first real uninterrupted moment with him. 

“Everywhere.” You whisper because it’s all you can muster. All of your energy is buzzing between your legs and in your lower belly. It’s almost too much, it feels like you’re too turned on and you’re going to float away with your pelvis leading you upwards. 

“Tell me where.” Joel is leading you, helping you figure out how to talk dirty to him. “Where else do you want my tongue besides your perfect lil cunt?” The words drip off his tongue like molasses. 

The door opens and your hand falls to your side. Joel’s hand moves to the armrest of the chair and he pulls himself into a sitting up position instead of his relaxed, almost laying down prone pose he had just been in quickly. Now he’s sitting, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his index finger curled over his smirking lips. Your face is red. Redder than you can even imagine. 

“So how are you feel—” The nurse stops and looks at you and cocks her head to the side. “You feelin’ alright, hun? You look a little flushed?” She had not seen what was going on in the room before she walked in so she did not know the reason for all of the blood behind your cheeks. 

You go to speak but just a weak croaking sound comes out. It makes her look more worried and Joel has to stifle a chuckle from beside your bed. You shoot him a glance while you clear your throat.

“I’m fine. Just a little warm in here.” You lie because you had been cold before Joel got in here and steamed the room all up with his sexy words and forceful massages on his hard cock below his jeans. You steal another glance at him and now his eyes are closed and his shoulders are moving up and down softly– he’s laughing! This is funny to him! 

“Aww, well lemme open a window in here for you, sweetheart.” The nurse is so nice and trying so hard to be helpful in your fevered state. You’re so embarrassed. Your nipples are rock hard under your hospital gown and they prove you're lying! It’s an obvious giveaway at your lack of being warm and your current state of arousal. The nurse opens the window and chilled spring air rushes in and makes your nipples even harder! Goosebumps rise on your flesh and you wish she would shut it. You’re no longer a little warm. 

The nurse— her name is Shannon, goes by Shan– takes your vitals and writes everything down on a chart at the end of your bed. 

“Are you excited to go home tomorrow? Been here for almost six weeks. You gotta be ready to sleep in your own bed and be in your own house for the first time!” She’s so excited for you. She’s been your nurse for the entire time and she’s been watching all of this fall into place for you, for the four and a half weeks you were in a coma and then the last week and couple days while you’ve been conscious. She might be as excited as you are. 

“I…cannot wait.” You sigh as she places your chart back in the holder at the end of your bed. “What time do I get to leave?” You’re anxious though, you’d rather just go home right now and don’t understand what a couple hours difference makes. It’s not even a real hospital. It’s a refurbished elementary school that they use in place of a hospital so why can’t you leave now? 

“As soon as you get your last round of antibiotics in the morning after breakfast.” Shan smiles down at you. “You been here longer than any of my other patients, I’ll miss you.” She frowns dramatically. “But now we can go drink at the bar together.” She flicks her eyebrows up once. She was a year younger than you and grew up in Southern California. You have a lot in common with her, she’s fun and is easy to talk to. You have a friend that wants to get drinks with you. 

Shan leaves and Joel is on your mouth before you can look over at him. His tongue is swirling around yours and his hand is on your chest, groping you the way you had been touching yourself but harder, with more aggression behind his hand. He’s moaning into your mouth as your hand finds his still hard cock under his jeans as he leans over you in your hospital bed. Your other hand reaches around the back of his neck and pulls you into him tighter. 

“You’re mine.” Joel whispers against your lips as he pulls away. “Don’t go gettin’ any fuckin’ ideas at that bar. You come home to me. Because you belong to me, understood?” Joel’s words are firm. A verbal declaration of his ownership of you. It makes you feel…uneasy the way he says it like he might actually believe it, and it’s not just bedroom talk. 

“Okay.” You whisper back to him, regardless of that uneasy feeling in your stomach because he’s not…wrong in a sense. You don’t want to be with anyone else. You are his. He is yours. What’s there to feel uneasy about? Joel pulls his head from yours and looks into your eyes.

“Say it.” He’s so serious. 

“I belong to you.” It comes out of you before you can question him, or hesitate at all because the way he’s looking at you is making you a little nervous. “I belong to you.” You say it again after a moment because he doesn’t look away. This time he must believe you because he kisses you again and then sighs softly. 

“Good.” 

Joel says his goodbyes because it’s late. He shuts the window for you first and tucks you into bed. He touches your mound softly over the blankets while he kisses you goodbye. 

Now you’re alone with this new thought in your head of what Joel means by that. It felt like much more than just an admittance of love— that’s actually not what it felt like at all. It was like he was speaking a rule into the universe and now you had to follow it. This felt different than the time he had said it in the bedroom or when you walked out of that abandoned cabin so long ago. Sexy and jokes those felt like. You realize that this is the first time you’ve ever been around other people with Joel who weren’t trying to kill you. 

Oh. 

The next morning your unease is not forgotten but it is overlooked by your excitement to get out of the hospital and sleep in a real bed and to see Ellie. Joel and Tommy ended up going back for the car and fixing it up on the side of the road so that he could drive it back. Now it’s a community car for moments like this. When someone who is unable to walk needs to get around for a longer distance. The whole colony is small but you cannot walk. Not yet. 

“Ellie is so excited to see you.” Joel holds your hand as he drives you to your new house. “I’m glad you’re comin’ home. Been empty there without you.” His words make you smile because you have missed him. So very much. 

“I’m excited to see how you two decorated. It’s probably very interesting.” You smirk at him. You are pleasantly surprised when you walk in and it’s perfect. Nice chairs in the living room and a couch. There are three bedrooms. Two upstairs and one on the first floor. Three bathrooms. You and Joel have your own and there is running water. 

Ellie is at school. Which is weird. School. You’ll have to see if they have classes for people like you who never got to graduate. You missed out on some things and don’t want to be behind when Ellie needs help. 

“Easy, birdie.” Joel eases you down into the large bed, topped with nice soft sheets and a comforter. No more sleepers. “Do you need anything before I go?” Joel asks, sitting on the edge of the bed. You raise your eyebrows.

“Go? Where are you going?” You guys just got here. What is so important? 

“Gotta take the car back. I’ve been helpin’ Tommy around town. Time doesn’t stop just cause you came home today.” He kisses your forehead and you frown. 

“I thought you’d at least stay for a little bit.” You roll your eyes at him. “I get it though. Go be Mr. Carpenter man. Go build buildings and whatever else it is you do.” You smirk. Joel smirks back at you. “Won’t even make me come first.” You playfully turn your nose up at him. 

“And you better not touch it until I come back. I mean it.” He narrows his eyes at you when you turn to look at him. “I’ll know.” 

“How would you know?” You have a snide tone like how is that something he could possibly figure out. Joel doesn’t say anything, he just leans down and kisses you gently on the lips.

“Don’t touch it. Or you get punished.” Another small kiss before he pulls away and is gone before you can ask him what ‘ punished’ means. Punished? Like spanking because you like those. He’d have to wait for another one of his go-as-deep-as-you-can contests or whatever the fuck that was!

Punishment. You had never received one you don’t think. Maybe the spanks but those were not uncommon. The whip had been new and forgotten about in the house. 

That had been a punishment. 

It stung so good though. Was punishment supposed to be bad? Unenjoyable? You don’t know if you’d like to find out. The doctors don’t have pain pills. That’s not a thing. But was is a thing from the past is medical marijuana. The doctor gave you pain management in the form of ten little rolled cigarettes and three brownies. He said do not eat the brownies all at once. They should be cut into eighths. Little small pieces. You have not touched them. You are too scared, that was never something you did before the end of the world! You sucks dicks and snuck out and then also got drunk one time with your friends. You ended up throwing up. 

Smoking weed. No. You will suffer. 

You do suffer until Ellie gets home. 

“Hi!” She runs into your room and hugs you tightly. “I’ve been thinking about you all day! I ran home from school! I have so much to tell you!” 

Ellie tells you that she likes school because now she has friends and people besides you and Joel to hang out with— ouch what the fuck? That is heartbreaking but carry on— there is a girl that Ellie thinks is cute and she has two classes with her. Gym and Old World History. 

“Do you offer to walk her home from school?” You ask, leaning in with your eyebrows raised. “Because you should. Girls like that kind of stuff.” Ellie widens her eyes and takes mental notes. 

“What else?” She asks curiously. 

The next hour is spent explaining how to win over a girl's heart in very specific detail. You go on until the pain in your leg is too much. 

“Okay. I need you to please go to the freezer and can you please cut up one of those brownies into like a million little pieces— actually bring it in here so I can do it.” You do not trust a fourteen year old girl who is probably sneaky! 

Joel walks in the room just as Ellie leaves. He already has a brownie piece in his hand for you. 

“Where are you goin’? You do your homework yet?” He looks down at Ellie who had just stopped herself from bumping into his chest. She shakes her head from side to side and points back to you. 

“I’ve been with her. I was just about to go get her whatever that is.” She points to the square in his hand. 

“It’s her medicine. You stay out of it. Homework before dinner, please?” He is still looking down at her. She nods and grabs her backpack off the floor near your bed. She smiles at you and then her eyes go wide for a moment. 

“We can all eat in here, right? With her? She can’t sit at the table!” Ellie exclaims at Joel, pointing to your leg. He chuckles and takes two more steps in the room. 

“Yes. We can. Go do homework and then start dinner. I’ll come help you in a little bit.” Joel messes with her hair and pushes her head softly. “Go, punk. I’ll be out soon. Shut the door.” Ellie wrinkles her nose at the two of you. 

“Disgusting. You can’t wait until I’m gone!? Or asl—” Joel points with his free hand out the door. 

“Go. Now.” He’s firm with her. She rolls her eyes and marches out the door noisily. 

“Fine. Still gross.” She announces before she shuts the door. 

Joel turns to look at you before he sighs loudly and holds his hand with the brownie in it for you. 

“Doctor said this is pretty potent so you’ll be giggling soon.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and looks at you with big brown eyes. “I got the day off tomorrow. All day. Jus’ me and you. In bed. Bein’ gentle. I’mma wait on you hand and foot and do whatever you ask of me, lil’ bird.” Joel’s country drawl comes out as he speaks and it makes your lower stomach do flips inside of you. “My lil bird.” This really does something to your hips for some reason now because now they’re moving gently against the bed. You still haven’t even taken the brownie from him because you have been hypnotized by his words and his eyes. Joel takes the piece of brownie in between his fingers and reaches towards your opening mouth. He places it on your tongue gently while he looks into your eyes. “Swallow it up, birdie.” He coos softly. You chew quickly. 

It does not taste like any brownie you’ve ever had before! It tastes like a skunk got in here and left a bunch of grass and plants! Barely a treat! You almost spit it out and Joel is laughing at you. With tears in his eyes at your reaction. He can barely look at you, he has to hold his hand up and cover your face with it. 

“Stop.” He laughs. “It’s not–” More choked on laughter. He cannot even speak. “Stop’it. You’re too much.” He’s cracking up! It’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen, apparently. 

“You stop it. That was awful! Where was the brownie!? Where was the chocolate?! It tastes like it grew out of the ground and got sprayed by a skunk!” Joel has bursted out into another fit of laugher, this time tears coming to his eyes while you speak. 

“I’m gonna go take a lil square. You’re hilarious. I can’t imagine you when I’m stoned. Jesus. We’ll be laughin’ all night.” Joel gets up from the bed and gives you a small kiss. “I’ll send her in here to do homework while I get dinner started.” 

Okay! You had nothing to worry about yesterday at the hospital. Joel was just lust filled and let a little of his bedroom voice and words get lost in the real life. It’s fine. It happens sometimes. You are his little bird and he is your… you don’t know. What would you call him? Your boyfriend? You two are grown. That feels so immature but he is not your husband…he has also not even asked you to be his girlfriend…not officially so stop thinking about this nonsense. You will call him Joel as always. 

Ellie skids into the room like she owns the place and falls to her knees on the floor and starts to talk. About everything. Doesn’t stop until Joel comes in with bowls that are steaming with white trails coming off the top. 

He sets a tray down in front of you. You did not realize how hungry you were. This looks amazing. It’s a soup of some kind, maybe a stew. You do not care. Hunger. Hunger has never pandered you in this way before. But your mouth is too dry it will not even open. The room is so quiet too. Joel has given you water on your little tray so you try to drink some. It’s so good. So refreshing. Joel has to get you two more glasses before you even start to eat. 

“Thirsty much? Jeeze.” Ellie judges you but she doesn’t know what condition you’re in. You’re high for the first time. It’s horrifying. 

“Leave her alone. She’s goin’ through it right now. Her medicine is strong.” Joel look at you from the chair he’s sitting in. You start giggling because you are going through it. Your heart is racing and everything feels like it’s moving too slow. 

“What is this?” You ask Joel holding the soup up in your spoon. Your eyes feel so heavy but you are not tired. Not even in pain anymore, really. Your whole body just…doesn’t. It doesn’t feel like anything. 

“Soup?” Joel gives you a worried look but you look into the bowl in awe. 

“No, what kind of soup.” You ask, looking back up at him now. Joel chuckles and shakes his head. 

“Venison.” He explains as he takes his own spoonful. Ellie pipes up from the floor beside you. It startles you because you forgot she was here. You almost drop your spoon of soup. You look down at her in fear.

“It’s good. Try some.” She sounds so innocent and here you are. High and dying in bed. Unable to swallow the soup you’ve up in your mouth because you forgot how to swallow. 

What had Joel given you? What was in that horrible brownie!? 

“Is she going to be okay?” Ellie asks, and you had once again forgotten she was there and it scares you. 

“I have to go to bed.” You sigh and lay back against the pillows.

“Nope. We should go. C’mon. Let’s go eat at the table. Crybaby here can’t handle her shit.” Joel jokes. You do not see what happens next because your eyes are closed and your trying to remember if you breath from your left or right lung first…you cannot remember having to worry about this before but it has become the biggest issue in your brain right now. “C’mon. She’s gonna need to take a long nap.”

Everything feels so warm and so good. Your eyes are still closed and breathing is no longer an issue, it’s on automatic again and you can rest, not having to worry about shifting the gears of your body any longer. Everything is good and warm and wet and between your legs is throbbing in the best way. Your hips move slowly for some reason. It’s unknown to you why they’re doing that. Your hand is gripping something. Hair maybe. You don’t know. 

“Such a good little girl for not touching her pussy.” The voice is deep and not coming from beside you. “So obedient.” It sounds like it’s close, the voice. Joel's voice. Your hand pushes back against the hair and you feel his head between your legs. “Oh do you want Daddy to stop?” Your walls clench around nothing when he speaks to you, and now your hand is pulling his hair closer to your middle again. He wraps his lips around you and presses his flat tongue against your clit. He moves it up and down slowly against the swollen nub he had been working on for the last forty minutes while you slept. 

“Keep going, Daddy.” You whisper softly in your half-asleep state. This sends a shock to Joel’s system. He’s pressing his mouth harder against you, his two fingers that had been playing with your slit push inside of you.

“Say it again.” He growls against your cunt. 

“Keep going, Daddy.” You repeat yourself, but it’s moaned now at the feeling of his fingers inside of you. 

“You love when Daddy touches his little princess? ” He whispers as his fingers curl inside of you. You nod and moan quietly, arching your back at his touch “Say it to me then.” His country drawl between your legs vibrates something inside of you.

“I love when Daddy touches me.” These are not words you speak! You do not say things like that but they’re coming out of your mouth. Your brain still feels so fuzzy. But everything else feels so good. Waves of pleasure wash over you as Joel goes back to swirling large circles around your clit, his fingers still moving inside of you. But now your body moves with each thrust of them into your cunt. 

“I love your lil pussy, baby.” Joel whispers softly. It makes your already dizzy and foggy brain spins more when he talks low like that against you. “I wanna feel baby come on Daddy’s fingers.” Now he’s curling them against you now but now slowly. Quickly. It makes your breath hitch in your throat. You haven’t been able to open your eyes, it’s like they’re glued shut. “Then Daddy is going to get you pregnant.” 

Your hips move wildly against his fingers and tongue. It’s so fucking hot to be spoken to that way and you’ve never been spoken to like this. It makes your slickness leak out against Joel’ fingers. He curls his two fingers inside you quicker as his tongue tightens around your clit into those good circles. Those movements with meaning. 

“Come for Daddy.” Then his tongue is back on you. You obey him because why would you not? It’s been building inside of you since you woke up, or maybe this was a dream in your influenced state. You gush, that good feeling. Joel is between your legs when you open your eyes and look down at him. He’s got your good leg up on his shoulder and he’s still making you come.

Your head falls back into the pillows and your grip in his hair tightens. His naughty words, taboo words do something to you. Make you come harder than you ever have. The drugs make everything feel better too. 

“Daddy’s gonna fuck his princess now.” He leans up and your good leg stays on his shoulder. 

“Okay, Daddy.” You whisper, your hand finds the back of his neck. You can feel him pressing the head of his cock into your entrance and you almost want to go back to sleep. Your head is so heavy.

“Shhhh baby, go back to sleep. Let Daddy do all the work.” He whispers into your ear as he thrusts himself into you. It jolts you, eyes open again and now your gripping on to Joel as he fucks you, short gentle bursts to not hurt your other leg. “You like getting fucked like this?” He growls down to you.

“Yes.” You respond, still groggy and fuzzy headed. “I do.” 

“Yes, I do… what ?” He licks the arch of your ear gently as he speaks. His moves inside of you are calibrated. He knows exactly what to do to make you tremble below him. Make you say anything he wants. 

“Yes, I do. Daddy.” You please him when you speak because he lets out a guttural moan and now he thrusts inside you deeply, pulling his hips back far until just the tip of him is inside of you. 

“That’s a good girl. I love fucking this perfect slutty cunt. I love it so fucking much. So fucking flthy and perfect.” He groans as he holds onto one of your hips, the other is holding your ankle up to his shoulder. “You have to ask to come from now on, you better fuckin’ ask you you’ll get punished, okay, baby?” You nod, listening to his words. They're almost drown out by the feeling building inside of you. 

“O-o-ookay.” You whimper. Joel laughs at you! Laughs into your ear and mocks you. 

“Oo-okay.” He keeps laughing. “Sound fuckin’ stupid. My cock make you stupid? Huh?” You don’t know what to say because you’re not stupid just getting fucked and you’re stoned. “Open up.” Joel speaks before you can and you open your mouth. He moves his head and looks down at you, spitting into the back of your throat. Before you can close and swallow, one hand comes to grip your face, forcing your mouth back open. Joel does it again, leans in until his mouth is almost on yours and spits onto your tongue. “Stupid slutty baby.” Joel whsipers into your saliva filled mouth. “Stupid as the day I met you.”

You come. Hard all over Joel’s cock. He laughs again because you already forgot the rule he just gave you. You couldn’t help it. He just made you feel so good with his dirty fucking words and the way he was thrusting inside of you. 

“Oh, just wait for Daddy to think up a punishment for his girl. He didn’t think it’d happen so fast.” Joel coos down to you lovingly. “Love feeling you fucking come on my cock though. You better do it again before the night is over, babygirl. My sweet little girl.” He’s still holding your face with his hands while he fucks you and talks down to you this way. You’re soaked between your legs and so is he while he slams himself inside of you.

“C-can I come again, Daddy?” You purr up to him as he drives another powerful forced thrust into your hips. 

“No.” It’s short and with no explanation of why. You assume this is punishment. Joel moves his hips in short, speedy bursts. “Say you love Daddy and that you like— fuckin’ hell you’re so god damnned tight— tell Daddy you love him and that you like his cock in you like this.” Joel snaps it out quickly at you. “Then you can come. With me. You fucking whore.” You are so desperate for release and so high still that you just repeat what he told you to say. They flow out of your mouth effortlessly.

“I love you, Daddy. I love your c-cock in my pussy like this. Love when you lick my cunt, Daddy.” You throw in your own little flavor, see if it makes him happy and it does because he gives you the command, gives you release as he drives into you faster now.

“Come. Come for Daddy. You’re such a filthy whore. I love your stupid fucking cunt so god damned much, Jesus Christ.” Joel groans all those words out as he continues to thrust. You can feel his cock throb inside of you as he does it. He’s filling you. Another orgasm, your second or third. You cannot remember. As soon as it leaves your body you are asleep in the sheets and the pillows below Joel.

When you wake up it’s light outside and Joel is still in bed next to you, also asleep. Everything feels…strange. Like you’re still in a dream somehow. 

You need less fucking medcine that for fucking sure. What the hell happened to you last night? Couldn’t eat dinner? Had the weirdest fucking dream… the weirdest fucking dream you’ve ever had. You’ve never said the words you spoke in that dream before. It’s yucky and weird and you do not like it. Not really…you don’t think. The dream has thoughts racing through your head. Joel was penetrating you between your legs in this dream! Maybe that won’t bother you so much when your able anymore. You don’t know when your leg stops hurtin’ so fuckin’ bad you wanna try!

“You awake, lil bird?” Joel asks groggily from behind you. You wrap one hand around his wrist to keep it from moving. He’s wrapped around your waist and you’re not ready for him to get up yet. “Okay…jeez. Don’t gotta squeeze so hard.” He teases, pressing gentle kisses behind your ear. You hold him to you and take in the fact that you don’t have to leave. No traveling. No running. No quests. Just you and Joel in this bed until Ellie got home and then you could be a normal family but right now you were going to be with this man for as long as you could.

“You really get to stay all day?” You turn your head to look at him. He nods and kisses your lips softly. 

“All day.” Joel's voice is so deep. It reminds you of the dream you had.

“I had the weirdest dream last night.” You chuckle softly. “So weird. Might even be too weird for you.” You look flick your eyebrows at him. He narrows his eyes onto yours.

“Tell me.” He growls it, like he’s so excited he cannot wait to hear this dream you had. 

You replay the whole thing. Say all the words and Joel watches and smirks. You’re shocked because he looks like he likes this. 

“Did you like that dream?” Joel asks, once your finished. You think for a minute and nod. You remember the dream pretty well for it being a dream…and you being higher than a kite for the first time. 

“I’ve never called anyone one that before. It sounds so weird.” You blush because it is…very naughty. Joel tips its head from one side and then to the other slowly, like he’s thinking. His finger traces along your bellybutton.

“It is a little weird. But it’s just cause you haven’t said it before.” Joel looks down into your eyes, he’s resting on his elbow. “Different things feel weird sometimes. Remember when I put it in your ass?” He raises his eyebrows at you and smirks. You blush again and nod. “I think it’s hot as hell. You should start calling me that when I fuck you.” Joel leans down and kisses you gently. You expect more, for things to go somewhere because of this sexy conversation but he pulls away. “Will you?” He’s looking for an answer right now.

“I guess. I don’t know. Let’s try it out soon and see how it goes?” You look up at him with your big eyes and he nods again. 

“Yeah, we’ll see, Princess.” Joel leans down and kisses your temple softly and gets up to leave to go to the attached bathroom. 

You think for a moment and try to remember if you told him about the part when he called you princess and you don’t think you did. You focused mainly on the fact that you were calling him daddy. You rack your brain and try to remember but you cannot. How can you remember a dream so well that happened while you were under the influence but not something you said four seconds ago? Strange. Blame it on the weed and the titillating dream you had last night. 

Joel brings you coffee and you ask him what compelled him to call you princess. His eye do something…strange. Like…maybe flash to the side quickly before he gives you his very loving and caring response.

“Because that’s what you are today. A princess. My Princess.” Joel sips his own coffee and sits back next to you in bed. “Gonna treat you like one all day. How’s your leg feeling?” He nods down to it with his head. You shrug. Something about this whole princess thing has you feeling a little on edge.

“Fine.” You say, looking down into your cup of instant black coffee that tastes like soy sauce but it does perk you up a little. Just a little as you drink it. Joel pushes some hair behind your ear and calls you like a cat. 

“Pst.” It’s quick but it does what he wanted, it makes you look at him. “Wanna smoke a joint with me?” He has another devilish grin on his face but this one is far more innocent then the last time he did it in the hospital room. You nod because now that Joel is with you, it doesn’t seem so scary to be high. He goes to the top drawer of his dresser and brings out one of those rolled cigarettes and a lighter. He lights it for you and then hands it to you after puffing softly. 

“So we’re gonna get high and what? Struggle to breathe again? Because I struggled for a while last night before I fell asleep.” You hand the joint back to him after hitting it twice. It makes you cough but you sip your soy-sauce-coffee and it helps a little. Joel chuckles as he hits the joint a couple times and opens the window of the room. The breeze feels nice.

“You can struggle to breath and I can lick that perfect cunt. If you want me to?” Joel leans against the wall beside the window and you sigh. You want him too but you’re sore. Your leg and your whole middle just aches. 

“I don’t know. I think it might be too soon? Hurts today. Worse than it did yesterday.” You take the joint from Joel’s outstretched hand. “Weird. Must be from all the moving around. Getting into the house and everything.” Joel nods in agreement and crosses his arms over his chest. 

“Do you want a couple extra pillows? More blankets? Anything for you, crybaby.” Joel takes the joint from your outstretched hand and you wave your hand at him after. 

“No more.” You cough softly. “Can’t do it anymore.” You wheeze. Joel chuckles and pinches the cherry with his fingertips after he licks them. “Yes to pillows. No more blankets. I’m sweating. Joel places the joint on the window sill and pulls the sheets back. You have no shorts or underwear on. You cannot remember if you put them on when you got home…no. Joel didn’t put any on after he gave you a little thorough sponge bath. Just the nightgown. 

“You alright?” Joel asks, noticing you looking into your lap. 

“Just wonderin’ where my panties are.” You smirk up at him. He smirks back at you. 

“I never put ‘em back on you after the hospital. Easier access.” He kisses your forhead and leaves the room to go shower.

When would he have needed access? And easily?

Joel comes back from the bathroom and you are giggly. 

“Come snuggle with me.” You hold your arms out to him and smile up at him with hooded, bloodshot eyes. Your arms feel like they weigh 4 billion pounds. Joel looks down at you from the side of the bed and crawls over to you. 

“Oh, Birdie wants me to hold her? Pet her real gently ?” He coos into your ear as he takes you into his arms. You nod and close your eyes, pressing the uninjured side of your body into him. “I love taking care of you. I love protecting you.” Joel kisses the side of your face gently. 

“Keep talkin’.” You murmur softly as you snuggle back down into bed. All anxieties you ever had are gone. This is much better than the brownie, if you could even call it that. Joel chuckles as he kisses across your face all over gently and slowly. 

“I was scared I was gonna lose you. I ran so fast to get here so I could bring you home.” Joel whispers sweet words against your skin. “My whole world is here now. In this bed. At school. Right here and I don’t have to move mountains or kill people to keep them safe anymore.” Joel’s voice is making your body buzz. “I would though. I’d kill anyone who ever touched you.” He goes back to kissing your cheeks and now your eyelids and forehead. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” You open your eyes as much as you can in your state and smile up at him because he is…technically…already your boyfriend? You think? You do not know. Joel looks down at you now, also with hooded bloodshot eyes and nods slowly. 

“I do, baby. I thought I already was.” He leans down and kisses your lips softly. You giggle against his mouth and close your eyes again because it’s too much work to keep them open. 

“I thought that too! I was just thinking about it, but we never talked about it. And I like to talk about things. I do.” You nod up at him with your eyes still closed. “I can’t stop thinking about that dream, Joel.” You whisper up to him. He leans down and breathes softly against your mouth. 

“Call me Daddy, I like hearing you say it.” 

“Okay, Daddy.” You murmur and he kisses you softly after the words leave your mouth. He sighs loudly from his nose as he does it, the hot air expelled against your lips and cheeks. It makes you dizzy knowing you do that to him. 

It feels good to make him do stuff like that. Moan and groan and sigh like he is. You want to keep him making those sounds so you’ll do as he says. Because you like being a princess and you like being a good girl. Pleasing Joel makes you happy. You know it in your heart. Joel pulls away from you now. 

“Gonna teach you how to use that mouth. Make it filthy like mine.” Joel draws it out in his Texas accent. “You wanna learn how to talk like a slut since I fuck you like one?” 

“Yes, Daddy.” You nod your head. He holds your face in his hand and presses on your cheeks with his fingers where your teeth meet, forcing it open. He spits into it, twice. He holds your mouth open like that. 

“Speak more. Say more than two fuckin’ words.” He spits into your mouth again and lets it go with a soft push. “Swallow.” You obey and open your eyes to look up at him. He’s looking down at you with his brown eyes and they’re so dark. You love them. His graying facial hair, his dark, thick messy mane. Love everything about him. 

“Yes, Daddy. I’ll use m-my filthy mouth— just like you want me to. Like a g-good g-girl.” You look up at him and he shakes his head from side to side like he's disappointed. Your heart shatters.

“G-g-good g-girl.” He mocks you gently. “Lose the fuckin’ stammer unless I got my hands on you. It makes you sound stupid. I only want you cock stupid. Come stupid. Be confident in yourself, baby. You can do it. ” He presses the back of his fingers to your cheek gently and drags them down to your jaw.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m just nervous.” You whisper up to him honestly. Joel growls lowly from his throat and presses his forehead to yours. “Don’t be mad at me, Daddy.” Joel presses his forehead against yours tighter after you speak like he’s frustrated with you, trying to hold back something. When he speaks it’s like he’s snarling.

“That is fucking perfect." Joel is so proud of you somewhere in that deep snarl of approval. His voice quickly changes to very sweet and comforting. "Have to just be confident, baby girl.” Joel is rocking his hips against the side of your good thigh, you can feel his length against your skin, he’s ten thousand degrees and it’s making your head spin. “Talk about your cunt, sweetie. Daddy loves hearing you talk about it.” You want words to come out of your mouth but it feels like you have literal charcoal dust in your mouth. It’s sucked all the moisture out and now, you’re tongue is stuck to the roof of your mouth. “Awwww, cat got your tongue, lil girl?” He whispers into your ear.

“Water.” You gasp. Joel shoots out of bed and into the bathroom, he returns with a glass of water and a throbbing erection right at face level. Your bloodshot eyes stare at it as he hands you the glass of water. You try to take it from him but your eyes are not looking for water now, they’re glued to his cock and you’re just reaching for air—near the glass but not even touching it. Your hand opens and closes around nothing as he makes it flex and jump in front of your face. 

“Cock stupid. That’s how I like you. Look’it you. Can’t take your eyes off it.” Joel pushes his hips forward towards you. You reach out with your other hand and try to touch him but he pulls away. “No.” It’s stern and makes you look up at him, now his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s pressing the glass of water into your outstretched hands. “Nope. Not for you. Not today or tomorrow or the next.” You bring the glass to your lips and gulp as your eyes go wide in a lack of understanding. “Punishment. You don’t get to touch. You don’t get to come. You don’t get to do nothin’ but talk. And swallow. ‘Cause Daddy still has to come, right baby?” He nods down at you as you drink the entire glass of water. “Say it.” You hold the empty glass in your lap. 

“You’re right, Daddy.” You gasp, looking up at him now and he presses his thumb against your bottom lip, drags it down and then releases it. It snaps back up to your upper lip with a small, hollow popping sound. He grins down at you. 

“You’re so fuckin’ good. God damn. I got fuckin’ lucky.” His voice is so deep. “Princess hungry? I’ll make us eggs. Got some fresh bread from the neighbor so I can make toast too.” You nod silently. 

In your high…paranoid state maybe something is telling you that this doesn’t feel…normal. This isn’t how a boyfriend spoke to their girlfriends…right? You don’t know. You only had one when you were fifteen and he used to call you ‘shorty’, so baby girl and princess and… cock stupid are better than that? Yes? You don’t fucking know. What even is a boyfriend? A man who loves you and cares for you and protects you and Joel does all those things. What’s the issue? He was in your kitchen, making you eggs naked. With his big fucking cock swinging between his legs and you LOVE that. So much. It’s the most amazing experience you’ve ever had. Want to continue to have it. 

You think.

You don’t know! It was fun— so much fucking fun, trekking through the woods every four nights a couple months ago. Sneakin’ around. Bein’ disgusting in that cabin together. Now he’s speaking to you in this way and it makes you feel so many different things. Disgusting still, yes–absolutely. You love it but now you…care for him? But he also makes you…nervous? The man sprinted through the cocksuckin’ woods for five hours to get you to safety. Rode all the way back to you on horseback and then held you on his horse the entire way back. Your cold and almost dead body. He must care for you. Has to. Who would do that for someone they just wanted to fuck and call names? Who?!

“Why you lookin’ so fretful?” Joel asks as he walks in with a plate of food for you. You can eat this time. The eggs and toast go down so easily. You look around the room like there is a buffet in here you can go up and get seconds at but there is just dressers and wood. No more food. You whine quietly in frustration when you realize there is not even a crumb left for you to lick off the plate. Joel looks at your empty plate and swaps with you, giving you the last half of his breakfast. “For Princess. Hurry up and finish though. You gotta shower and try to get up and move. Doctors orders.” 

The shower is fuckin’ cold—what the fuck? You’re not a stranger to a cold dip in the river or a bird bath in the sink but a whole shower of freezing cold water felt more like a punishment than not being able to come for three whole days. You could do it. You had just gone however many fucking weeks without it. What’s three more days? 

“Put your leg up here.” Joel taps the calf of your bad leg and then points to the edge of the tub. You carefully rest your foot up on it and keep all your weight on your good leg. Joel washes you with soap. He gets into every crevice and fold you have and then he rinses. He does that with the rest of you. Then he shuts the water off and looks at you, shivering, leaving up against the wall of the shower. “Keep your leg up there.” He rests one hand on the side of your head and leans into you while looking into your eyes his other hand pressed tightly against your cunt. He starts to rub. "Let Daddy touch that pussy."

You didn’t think he was going to let you and now you’re hips are working against his fingers, pushing into his hand harder. He lets you and chuckles against your cheek as he kisses you.

“Yeah baby, move those hips. Get yourself nice and wet for Daddy.” His voice grumbles so deeply. You moan softly as he stiffens his hands and quickens his movement against you. Fast, back and forth against your clit. You’re still shivering and now, sliding up and down slightly on the slick wall behind you. “Fuck yeah.” Deep gravel country drawl in your ear as he slips two fingers into your folds and up inside of you. He curls them, fast and aggressive like he’s trying to pull you closer to him from inside of you. It's so intense and almost feels like it's too much. It makes you moan loudly. Joel sighs and works his fingers faster. 

“Oh, fuck. Yes, Daddy. Can I please come?” It brings you there so fast, your good knee starts to buckle and he pulls his fingers away at just the last moment, you were just about to release all over him. Your eyes open in horror as you watch him suck his two fingers clean. Entirely. Joel shakes his head no, down at you. 

“Nope. Did you forget? You come stup– you didn’t even come. You just actin’ stupid. Knock it off.” Joel leans in and kisses your forehead. “C’mon. You’re chitterin’ and shivering like crazy.” 

Joel dries you. Changes your bandage after he cleans your gunshot wound. Puts you in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Comfy clothes. The first comfy clothes you’ve worn in years. You can put a small amount of weight on your leg. It hurts with each step but you can do it, Joel holds on to your arm on your weak side to give you some support. 

“Perfect. You got it.” Joel kisses the side of your head as you sit gingerly at the kitchen table. You watch him as he goes into the kitchen and looks in all the cupboards. 

Denying you a good come. How dare he? You didn’t think he’d be bringing you right there, point to it and say ‘hey, you see that right there? Put your hand on it, touch it’ and then the minute you fucking reach for it, he pulls you away and goes ‘hahahaha you’re so dumb, idiot’. What the fuck was that? Come denial!? Is that even a thing?

Joel returns with more toast but this time it has jam of some sort on it. 

“I got the jam from the neighbor woman as well. Her name is Ava.” Joel sits down at the table with you. “She’s nice. Lil bit older than you maybe. Just her in the house. She’s two doors over. Nice lady.” Joel watches you eat. 

Who the fuck is Ava? And why does Joel know so much about her? Hmph. You do not like this Ava even though she makes great bread and good jam. It’s not very sweet but whatever. Neither was the brownie. Sugar must be scarce. Stop making sweets then and try to pass them off as sweets! 

“It’s good.” You say, holding up the jammed toast. “I’ll have to go thank her myself.” You say this but you do not mean it. You will thank her but mostly you’ll limp over there in your best sweat pants and your best t-shirt and you’ll eye up the competition. Because why is she giving your boyfriend jams and bread? This is all coming from nowhere, because you have been hospitalized, in a literal coma. She was probably just being nice but look at Joel! Look’it him! He’s handsome and he’s King Swinging Fuckin’ Big Dong and you can see it. Even when he’s not excited it just sits there in his jeans. You have to tell Joel to get less tight jeans! Oh no! There are other women with eyes around now and they can see it too and this terrifies you. You start to sweat.

“What are you fuckin’ thinkin’ about? Your eyes are movin’ ten million miles a minute, birdie.” Joel sounds concerned about you.

“Do you see Ava often?” You look at him now and take another bite of your toast which you now feel is suddenly too dry. Ava is the worst. Can’t bake for shit. The worst. Joel drops his chin to his chest and looks at you through his thick, beautiful eyelashes. “What!? I can’t ask questions?” You avoid his beautiful eyes now. They’re judging you.

“What if I did?” Joel asks suddenly. You almost drop your toast, you fumble it around between your hands for two seconds before you look at him. 

“Do you?” How dare he tell you not to get ideas while potentially going out with your friend, but he gets to go over to Ava’s house whenever he wants? What was he doing with Ava while you were in the hospital? 

“Maybe.” Joel smirks. “Why?” He’s enjoying this. Enjoy seeing you jealous over him. “She’s a baker. I like baked goods. So do you, apparently. She is also one of Ellie’s teachers at school.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Is all you say. That’s it. Jealousy and anger and now sadness wash over you. 

“Oh stop’it.” Joel bats at your hand gently. “She ain’t as fun as—”

“How would you know how much fun she is or isn’t!?” You exclaim, now tossing the piece of toast in your hand on the plate in front of Joel. “How would you even know that?” Joel is laughing. 

“Someone is jealous. A jealous lil bird.” You give him the finger and rest your head on your fist. “Put that bird away before I punish you again. Did you forget our chat about bein’ disrespectful that one time, baby?” He leans in and gives you a lashed, chin-in-his-chest look. “I’ll give it to you this time cause I was eggin’ you on but don’t forget your place.” 

“And what’s my place?” You look at him seriously. Joel sits up, slides the plate in front of him out of the way, folds his hands in front of himwhere the plate had been and looks at you just as seriously. 

“Below me.” Joe is stern. Serious. Not bedroom talk. “You’re my woman. My bird. My slut. That’s my pussy. You. Are. Mine.” He’s growling at you. “You want to be here? You have a choice. I won’t hold you fuckin’ hostage. But if you stay, there’s gonna be rules and you’ll follow them.” His eyes are locked on to yours. “This ain’t no fun game out in the woods, Birdie. This is real life now.”

“What rules?” You ask, not taking your eyes off him either. Your heart is pounding in your chest. You swallow hard as Joel leans into the table. 

“Whatever I say, Birdie.” He whispers. “I don’t ever want to hurt you. I like to bring you pleasure. I like making you happy. Seeing you smile.” He smirks at you and reaches for your hand with one of his hands. You don’t take it yet, he has more to say. “I’ll give you everything. A house. A husband. I’ll put a fuckin’ baby or two into you. You just gotta do as I say. Love me. Be a good mom. I’ll give you the whole fuckin’ world, babygirl. You just gotta follow the rules.” His hand on the table urges for yours softly. You place your hand in his because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Doesn’t want you to come for three days but that’s fine. “You saved me. I owe you my whole life, Bird.” His eyes soften and he squeezes your hand gently. You sigh before you respond to him, because he’s right. And so do you.

“I owe you mine.”

Joel made himself come twice into your open mouth before it was no longer just the two of you home alone. Jerking himself off with your help as he stood over you on the bed. You talked dirty up to him and touched his balls for him. The sound and faces he made...you've never gotten so wet before watching him do that to himself.

“It stinks in here; like a skunk.” Ellie wrinkles her nose as she walks into your room and sits on the bed next to you. “Did you shower today?” She teases and rests her head on your shoulder. You rest your head on hers. 

“I did shower. It’s my medicine for my leg. Stinky. Gross.” You wrinkle your nose even though she can’t see you.

“Makes you fucking act weird.” She laughs softly. “You almost fell asleep in your soup last night. Laughing! You were laughing in your sleep too!” She is accusing. “Never seen any kind of medicine like that before.” She murmurs. 

“Me either, kid. It’s all brand new to me. Do you have homework? You know Joel is going to get on you about it.” She leaves your bed for a moment and then grabs her book bag to bring back to you. 

She does homework sprawled out on yours and Joel’s bed for the next hour while you watch her and answer questions she has about Old World History. 

“No. Osama Bin Ladin. Sadam Hussein is a different guy. I think. Yeah, they’re different.” You point to something on a piece of paper she has. “I was there that day. The day the towers fell. My family had been in the city. We weren’t supposed to be but damn. It was fuckin’ crazy.” You whisper to her. 

“Worse than the outbreak?” She looks over to you as you stare into space and remember something from so long ago that you haven’t thought of in so long. 

“No. Just different.”

The night of the outbreak had been…chaotic to say the least. Your dad had been well armed and had already packed the car. After the first gunshot your dad said it was time to go. Couldn’t wait for your sister. You and your mom left a note on the counter in the kitchen in case she showed up and told her where you were going but you didn’t ever make it to your final destination. You had driven through the state of New York and into Ohio. You had planned on going to California because that's where your brother said things were looking good. Like they had things under control but once the gas ran out and you could no longer stop and get more… You had to walk. 

Your mom died almost immediately. She had not been ready for all of this. She was scared and jumpy and couldn’t keep her big, New Jersey mouth shut. Ever. It felt like three minutes you were out of the car and she was gone. You and your dad walked, ran, survived together for so fucking long. You remember when Ellie asked if he was nice. He was not. He was mean. Didn’t understand why you couldn’t shoot a gun right away. Didn’t understand why you were scared. Pushed you around while you hiked through the Canadian wilderness. You crossed the border in Minnesota somewhere and then dropped back down into the states somewhere in Montana. You dad fell, stabbed himself in the leg with his own knife and died, septic while you sat by and watched, unable to help. You walked and walked for so fucking long. You had been traveling for twelve years. Camping in colonies peppered all over. You always move after a while though. Finally settled in Wyoming. Found this colony a while before Joel showed up but liked being on your own.

That wasn’t like the day the towers fell. Not even a little bit. 

Ellie and you sat like that for another hour until Joel came in with dinner. You wanted to ask if he got that from Ava too, but with Ellie right here, you don’t. Ellie talks about her day at school while you all eat. 

A game of Sorry! is played on the bed after dinner. You give Ellie a kiss on the cheek before she goes to bed.

You and Joel smoke the rest of the joint from earlier before he crawls into bed with you. 

“Let Daddy suck your tits, baby girl.” He’s pushing your shirt up but you fight him softly. 

“You’re not going to let me come, so why torture me?” You whine as he licks from your belly button up to your sternum. 

“Cause I want to. Simple.” Joel forces your shirt up over your chest and takes the hard peak of your breast into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the bud quickly. 

“Joel, it’s to—”

“What’d you call me?” He snaps his head up to look at you, his eyes focused on yours. It’s almost alarming. “You just call me by my name?” 

“I’m s-sorry, Daddy.” You look down at him as he resumes his lapping and sucking of your tits. 

“Talk dirty to me babygirl, like Daddy showed you earlier.” Joel says this with your nipple between his teeth. It makes you groan softly. This is the first time that he’s ever put his mouth on you like this. It’s fucking exhilarating You’ve never had a mans mouth on your nipples like this before. It feels so fucking incredible. 

“Suck on my tits, Daddy. I like w-when you bite them.” You whimper softly as he bites down on the other nipple, now with a little more force at your words. He pulls his head back and lets your bud slip from within his teeth, they rake against your sensitive peak. It draws a whine from your throat. 

“Fuckin’ Jesus. Keep fuckin’ talkin, baby.” Joel’s straddling your good thigh, thrusting against your skin, you can feel him again. His screaming hot length against your upper thigh. Something comes over you. You want to see if you can get him to forget punishment. Forget all about it like you forget things when you’re pleasure filled.

“I want you to fuck me, Daddy. I want your cock in every single one of my holes.” You whisper up into his ear. Joel grips your hip with one of his hands and looks down into your eyes. 

“Don’t stop.” He murmurs softly, his hips thrusting faster now. 

“Put it inside me, please. I’ll be a good girl.” You speak softly…innocently, up to him. Joel has to clench his eyes shut and press his forehead against yours. “Please, Daddy?” Joel lets out a guttural moan before he opens his eyes and looks down into yours. “Please. You can get me pregnant.” You whimper again, batting your eyelashes softly. He groans from deep in his chest.

“Fuuuck.” Joel rips his head away from yours and moves his other knee to between yours and throws your good leg up onto his shoulder and holds your ankle there as he places himself at your entrance while he strokes himself with his fist. “ You’re fuckin’ naughty. ” Joel growls as he pushes just his hips forward, driving himself into you quickly. It jolts you and suddenly…you have a flash of deja vu. This was in your dream you had the other night. 

“Joel—” He puts his fingers into your mouth to quiet you. 

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that in here- not in the bedroom. I’m your fuckin’ Daddy in here, do you understand me?” Joel is harsh with you as he continues to thrust into you vigorously. “Suck.” He coos now, down to you as you wrap your lips around his fingers, swirling your tongue. “Good fuckin’ Princess.” He grips your ankle tighter as he fucks you.

You’re walking this threshold of being scared and also very turned on. You think you’re in love with Joel. You don’t know why. Something about being with him all the time and how good he is to you outweighs the fear of the things he says and does to you in the bedroom because he’s not really ever hurting you. Never. If he did it was always consensual and it ended when you spoke up about it. You don’t think that is his ever his intention.

But something about all of this, being high and so fucked up while he touches you…feels good but it doesn’t necessarily feel nice. It feels like you’re being…used. Or taken advantage of! That's it! Taken advantage of in your high state. Even though you begged for this- were you really the one begging for it? You’re so high you don’t fucking know and the weed makes you so paranoid. So fearful for some reason…but you had been afraid in the hospital too. Everything was so confusing and maybe you just wouldn't smoke anymore weed. You’d just be in pain but clear headed from now on. 

“Fuck baby girl. Yes. Let Daddy come inside you.” Joel groans loudly. You feel his cock twinge inside of you. This orgasm is long and he moans and thrusts himself inside of you the entire time. You feel like he comes forever. Where does he get it all? 

He came while you were lost in thought! You hadn’t even been focused on coming! Jesus Christ. Your own plan— foiled with dumb thoughts!

“And she followed her punishment. Good fuckin’ girl.” He growls, kissing your forehead before withdrawing from you with the squelch-iest wet noise you’ve ever heard come from between your legs. It even grabs Joel’s attention and his eyes fall to your middle as he crawls out of bed. “Fuckin’ shop vac. It’s a vacuum. A wet one.” Joel smirks down at you. This makes you smile because you like when he compliments you. A lot. You love praise and being called a good girl and a princess and a fuckin’ filthy slut. You do love it. But… you still feel so uneasy with him right now. 

Joel walks into the bathroom, comes back with a cloth and is wiping himself down. Then he wipes you down while kissing your forehead. 

“You can come tomorrow. I was harsh. I like when you come with me.” Joel walks back into the bathroom before you can say anything. You’re left alone feeling frustrated and annoyed and horny still. High as fucking shit right now too. 

“Water. Please.” You croak out before he can leave the bathroom. He brings you back a glass and holds it out. His flaccid cock is still so god damned big- it's literally swinging between his legs. It’s still awe inducing even not throbbing. Joel sees you looking and covers it with one hand. 

“Always starin’ at it. You make me self conscious.” He teases as you take the water from him. 

“It’s fuckin’ perfect.” You say after taking a sip. “And all mine.” You flick your eyes up to him. “I mean it. Mine.” Joel smiles now, a big wide one and leans in. "That big dick is mine."

“That’s it baby. Claim me. What else?” You've awakened something within Joel. You can see it flash behind his eyes.

“I’ll knock that fuckin’ Ava bitch and you both the fuck out if I ever find out something happened or happens between you two. Understand me?” You lean in and kiss his lips. He nods. Big happy nods of understanding. “Good. Get into bed with me.” You demand it from him. 

“Jesus H Christ. Who the fuck is this? I love her! God damn,” He crawls into bed excitedly and pulls you into him after you set the water on the night stand. “I’m all turned on again. Keep going.” Joel is giggling. Like a little kid. It makes you laugh and sink down into the mattress with him. 

“Nothin’ happened while I was in the hospital, right? Between you and Ava?” Joel gives you a look of shock. 

“Baby. I would never. I promise. I’m not that kinda guy. You’re my ol’lady. You and you alone.” He kisses your lips softly. This eases fears and worries in your heart. “I’m yours and only yours.” Joel lays you back down onto the bed with him. “What’ll calm your mind, Birdie?” He whispers softly.

“I’m fine. I mean it. Just a lil jealous.” You whisper against his parted lips. “Mine.” You nip at his bottom lip and now he smiles. 

“Soon as you’re good enough to walk…” He whispers. You give him a confused look. He says nothing and just smiles.

What does that mean? He’s going to fuck you into oblivion? Fine with you. He doesn't respond. 

Joel holds you close to him until the both of you fall asleep.

You sit with Ellie in the kitchen, helping her with her math homework. She’s stuck and you are no help to her. It’s the worst. Joel comes in with more of Ava’s bread and her nasty jam. It’s not nasty it’s good but you dislike Ava. You watch as Joel helps her much more easily than you could and it makes you feel dumb. You should know these things like Joel does but your education was stolen from you and these things you had barely learned were pushed out of your head with things like how to shoot and how to skin animals and how to know what direction you’re going in without a compass. 

Joel kisses Ellie's forehead when she’s done and you all sit at the table and look at each other quietly. 

“There’s a boy at school. Real fuckin’ dick.” Ellie says over a mouthful of bread. It makes both Joel and yourself chuckle. 

“What’s he do?” You ask, taking a bite of your own bread. She shakes her head and sighs. 

“Trips me in the halls. Calls me Smelly Ellie. He likes the girl I like.” She rolls her eyes and this makes you hold back a smirk. “Jerk-off.” Now you laugh.

“How do you know he doesn’t like you?” Joel asks and you wrinkle your nose.

“Ew. No. Boys or girls who like you, Ellie, will not be mean to you. They might tease you a lil, try and make you smile! It wont be mean! And they won’t call you names…” You look at Ellie and she’s hanging on your words. “..they’ll be nice to you. Call you sweet things and make you feel good. Don’t let mean people trick you into thinking they’re nice.” Your eyes flick up to Joel’s, he’s looking right at you. Big dark eyes staring right into yours like he had been waiting for you to look at him. You look back to Ellie quickly. “You’ll know when someone likes you, babe.” You reach out and rub your hand against hers. 

Bedtime. 

Life is boring when you can’t fuckin’ do shit. Jesus. Can’t leave the house. Can’t walk up or down the stairs yet. Boring. 

Joel hands you a joint. You shake your head from side to side. 

“I don’t know. I feel weird when I’m high.” You look up at him but he urges you to take it. This makes you feel uneasy again. Why does he want you to be high so badly. 

“Baby, it’s gonna help. It’s been helpin’ right? He gives you sympathetic eyes. 

“I have weird dreams and I don’t think straight when I smoke that. Or eat those brownies.” You look up at him, trying to make him put it away with your eyes. He does not. He lights it, puffs on it twice and hands it to you. 

“Smoke it, baby. You get so giggly. It helps. You're so fun, too.” You take it from him as he speaks, looking at him caution in your eyes. “Stop lookin’ at me like that. Smoke it.” Joel nods his chin up at you. You hit it a couple times and hand it back to him. “Good girl.” It makes your stomach flutter when he calls you that. 

“You gonna make me laugh tonight?” You look up at him and suck on your bottom lip gently. He nods at you slowly as he puffs on the joint with you. “Oh yeah? Mr. Big Carpenter guy has jokes?” He smirks at you and passes the joint back. 

“Whatever it takes to make you laugh the way you did when I whooped your ass that one night. Cryin, snortin’ or whatever that sound was.” Joel chuckles at the memory. You laugh too now because you remember him sounding so downtrodden in the dark that he didn’t make you come. Then he whooped you with an old TV cable, and you liked it, dirty birdie. “C’mon. Get up.” Joel helps you out of bed. He stands in front of you and holds one of your hands up in his, near both of yours shoulders and the other on your waist. “Put’it up here.” Joel elbows your limp lazy hand at your side and nods to his shoulder. You do and then he sways you gently from side to side. 

Joel is slow dancing with you in your bedroom and it’s so fucking cute. Who is this man? 

“You wanted to dance with me?” You ask softly, looking up at him. His eyebrows flick up once and he nods, pressing his lips to your forehead. You never got to slow dance with anyone. You hadn't gone to prom yet. Hadn't been to a single school dance because your dad always said no. Now Joel was fulfilling a long lost dream of yours.

“Sure did, sweetness. Love being close to you.” Joel makes sure to not sway you to far on your bad leg but he does that and slowly, very slowly moves you around the bedroom. Sometimes he hums to you, other times he’s just kissing you gently. “I’m gonna marry you.” He whispers gently in between kisses. “I will.” Joel dances you slowly back to bed as you stare up at him with hooded, bloodshot eyes again.

“Really?” It’s been several minutes since he said that and he had since taken off his clothes except for his boxers and crawled into bed next to you. Joel nods and sighs softly. 

“Unless you don’t wanna. I want to. I want to marry you. Give you my last name. Give Ellie my last name if she wants it. Be a family. A real one. You can give her a sibling or two. Stay here forever with me?” Joel looks over at you with big, brown eyes and a small smile. You nod at him sleepily. 

“Yes. Forever.” You whisper up to him as he now rolls onto his side to look down at you. 

“You’ll be mine…forever?” He whispers softly. You nod up at him. He raises his eyebrow and gives you a knowing look. “You know better than that, Princess. Use your words.” 

“I’ll be yours. Forever, Daddy.” You look up at him and now Joel is the one sucking on his bottom lip; the words you just said gave him some sort of satisfaction. He loved it. He leans down and whispers in your ear. It tickles and makes you giggle in your influenced state. You feel weightless right now and his words do nothing to help that dizzy feeling inside of you.

“I love you, baby girl.” 

“I love you too, Daddy.” 

What the fuck happened last night? It definitely was not a dream. Not at all. It felt like one though. You’re up before Joel again and everything inside of you is telling him to wake his ass up and talk about what happened because you two just officially started dating. You thought you’d do that for a while before he proposed! And then you guys had sex! It was good sex but…you didn’t have sex. That part was a dream. For sure. You were on punishment. Who knows? You’re too worried about Joel proposing to also worry about dreams you have when you’re higher than the fucking Eifflel Tower! If that’s even what he did last night–propose! You don’t fucking remember! This is so scary. What the fuck is going on? You purposefully stir next to Joel with some oomph so he wakes up. It works.

“Mornin’.” He grumbles. His deep sleep filled voice gives you butterflies. You forgot what you were going to say. “Pretty.” He murmurs before closing his eyes again and touching your belly gently. His tongue touched just behind his slightly parted lips and now all you want to do is kiss him but you don’t! You remember why you woke him up.

“Did you propose to me last night?” You’re eyeing him suspiciously. Joel’s eyes snap open and they look at you curiously. 

“More– more like a promise. I don’t even— we didn’t— You don’t got a ring on your finger yet. Slow down.” Joel takes his rough calloused hand and tries to closes your eyes gently and pushes your head back to the pillows. “Go back to bed. Damn. Actin’ like we still gotta run somewhere. Where we runnin’ to? Back to bed. That’s where. Close your damn eyes, woman.” He grumbles into your ear sleepily.

A huge sigh of relief comes over you because yes. That was fine. A promise. You could make promises. You can keep a promise too. 

Your leg healed a lot while you were in a coma. It wasn’t a serious gunshot wound. It didn’t hit any bones or any major arteries. It did go deep into your muscle though and the doctors and nurses had taken it out. The stitches came out while you were unconscious. Now, you just have to get your body back to the way it was before. 

Within three days you were up, limping around the house with Joel when he was home. It was wet and rainy today so he was off and following you around with his hands on your ass. Being silly. Sweet. Goofy. It was fun. He was so different now than he was before and out on the road. 

“Cheeks for fuckin’ days. Lemme put my face between ‘em. C’mon, lean right on the counter.” Joel teases as he grips your ass in his hands and jiggles it gently. He hasn’t touched it in almost seven weeks. He missed it. 

“Leave me alone you horny animal. Are you in rut?” You chuckle at him as you do some dishes. It felt good to get back to the normal flow of a regular life. Dinner was on the woodstove. You cooked today and wanted to have food almost ready for when Ellie got home from studying with her friends. 

“For you? Yes.” He leans in and kisses your shoulder gently through your sweater. “Only you.” Now he presses his hips against yours from the back. “Love giving you this hard cock.” 

“Joel!” You swat him away from you. You are sore. You had wanted to wait a couple days to get your leg back in normal, working order but he couldn’t wait. You kinda couldn’t wait either. Things just happened. Almost every night except your first night home from the hospital when you ate that brownie and the other night when you slow danced.

“Okay! I’m sorry I can’t help it. You’re too fuckin’ sexy and I missed you .” He coos the last part into your ear. It makes you shiver. 

“Missed me. Ha! You’ve had me almost every night, Mister.” You push your hips back against his gently but his hands shoot to your waist and hold you there. He grinds against you, up and down, roughly. You can feel his length through his jeans and he’s exhaling so hard through his nose every time he moves his hips like it feels so good. 

The front door opens and you both hear Ellie’s heavy, running footsteps into the kitchen. You have never seen Joel move so fast out of a room in your life. He’s down the hallway before Ellie can run in and see him in his aroused state. You both hear the bathroom door close loudly from down the hall. You chuckle.

“He must’a had to go real bad. I heard him running to the bathroom. Jeez.” Ellie hugs you tight. Not a day has gone by since you’ve been home that she doesn’t hug you first thing when she gets home from school. In the mornings…different story. She’s grumpy. You give her breakfast and talk to her as little as you can because she’s frightening. Not fun. 

“Yeah he was just telling me how bad he had to go.” You lie and kiss the top of her head. “Missed you at school. Glad tomorrow is Saturday. We can walk around town together if it’s not too wet.” She looks up at you, arms still around your waist and nods happily. 

“Yes please. Yes. Yes. I want to show you all the cool stuff and where me and my friends have been hanging out and everything!” She is so excited. And literally the most perfect child. You and Joel did the right thing. You’re so glad you didn’t go back to Jackson after the argument with Joel in the driveway after she had been taken. 

“I love you.” It comes out of your mouth before you can stop it. Her arms drop and she looks at you with wide eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t m—” Before you can finish she hugs you tighter, squeezes you and presses her head into your shoulder. She doesn’t say it back. That’s okay. But you’re glad she knows how much you care for her. Almost died for her, would have– easily. 

“You’re the best. I’m glad Joel brought you with us. I wasn’t at first but…I’m glad you came. Glad you said yes to him.” She looks up at you now, with her own big brown eyes and smiles. “I really am. You’re gonna make a great mom.” Her smile softens drastically but it’s still there and she hugs you tight, resting her head on your shoulder again. 

You are speechless. You just hold her one arm against your waist and smile. 

“I have homework to do. Do you think you could help me?” She asks as she pulls away from you. You’re now peeling potatoes into the sink for dinner. 

“Can you ask Joel when he comes out of the bathroom? Go wash. Change. Stop stinkin’ the place up and maybe we can all work on it together before dinner is done.” She nods and runs upstairs with her book bag. 

Joel comes out of the bathroom a couple minutes later and checks if the coast is clear. 

“Wanna know what I did just now?” Joel whispers into your ear, his tongue teases your earlobe when he's finished speaking. You look over your shoulder at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“I don’t know…do I?” You ask with a lip curled in distaste. Joel nods at you slowly. “Okay. Tell me. Weirdo.” 

“I sucked on a pair of ya' panties and jerked off into another pair. Covered them in my fuckin’ come. You taste so fucking good, lil' girl.” He growls it lowly into your ear and you drop the potato you have in your hand. 

“You sucked on my panties?” You blink at him. He nods and does the little flick of his eyebrow. His tongue dances slowly behind his lips. You fucking love when he does that. You can see just the tip of it behind his teeth and his slightly parted mouth. Fuck. Joel is so hot. You do kiss him now, quickly. 

“Do you like that?” He gives you his big beautiful, brown eyed look he’s so fucking good at. You do like it. It made your fucking pussy twinge when he said that. Unsure as to why it turns you on so much. You nod. 

“Next time jerk off into the panties I have on. Make me wear it.” You said it like it’s a challenge for him. Joel nearly falls over. Actually has to grab onto the counter and hold onto it because his knees buckle. “Are you okay, old man? What happened?” You tease him. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. That’s so hot. I’m gon' pass away.” Joel covers his eyes with the hand that isn’t supporting him. He makes you laugh. A real laugh and you like that. “Yer' bad. A real bad girl.” 

“What’d she do?” Ellie asks, her once loud footsteps are now silent because she doesn’t have her big clunky shoes on. Joel’s head whips to her and he points with his index finger. She gets ready to run.

“She’s bein’ too nice to you. That’s what. Where’s your homework?” Ellie takes off and Joel takes off after her, quickly. It makes your apron sway in the gust of wind he created when he ran away. She took off back up the stairs. Joel followed, he took the stairs two at a time behind her. “Jesus Ellie, it’s fuckin' disgusting up here. We’ve been here for two months. How did it get so messy? Where did y'even get all these clothes? Whose stuff is this?”

It’s all muffled because they’re upstairs but you hear his dismayed voice at her messiness. Neither one of you goes upstairs. There isn't a reason to. But now you’ll have to start checking. 

“Bring all your dirty laundry down! I’ll wash it all tomorrow!” You shout at them from your place at the sink. You throw all your taters in a pot and add water. Mashed potatoes, stew and bread. Perfect. You bake bread now. Ava can eat her bread and your family will eat your bread, thankyouverymuch,Ava.” 

Ellie runs back downstairs with Joel right behind her. 

“Stop! Stop! Stop!” She laughs as she runs and tucks herself into the corner of the counter beside you. Joel places either hand on the counter beside her. 

“Y'stop running...I’ll stop chasing.” He quickly grabs at her side to tickle her and she flinches and scream softly. “Stop screamin’.” He does it on her other side. She laughs so hard and fights him off. “It’s not that funny.” Now he gets her on both sides and she’s nearly on the floor with laughter. 

“He’s ticklish too, ya know.” You whisper down to Ellie over her laughter. Joel shoots you a narrowed eye look and Ellie’s hands move to his side with more speed than you could ever imagine and now Joel is the one giggling, trying to fight off her quick little hands. 

“He– hey. Sto– Ellie. Stop.” Joel is laughing like you’ve never heard him laugh before and this is everything you could have ever imagined your life to be. Perfect. Laughter in the house. Food on the stove. Happy family to wake up to every morning. What are you so scared of?

Ellie and you walk arm in arm around town slowly. She knows everyone. They’re all so nice. It’s so weird. You hate it. You’re used to people trying to kill you. Makes you uneasy at everyones niceness. Ellie shows you all the things– it’s not much but it does resemble a town– a movie theater, a jail, a town hall. There is her school, the house of worship and you knew the medical center already. This was nice. The town hall was new and there wasn’t anything inside of it. No mayor would be elected. Just there in case meetings or other important events needed to take place, there would be a spot for it. 

“That's her house.” Ellie whispers softly as you pass a light blue house with two stories. It looks exactly like yours but your house is dark gray. You love it. It’s like storm clouds. Thunder. “Her name is Dina.” She whispers so low that you have to strain to hear her actual name. You don’t even really hear it but you know better than to ask right in front of her house. 

Ellie had to bring you that way to get back home. Everything in a giant circle basically and so she just took you around the whole colony. This was just a convenient trip to her loves home. A desperate attempt at a glimpse or maybe even a hello if Dina had been outside. But she hadn’t been and Ellie didn't see her. 

“You’ll see her Monday.” You whisper, well enough distance to be out of earshot but you still whisper, just in case. “Have you walked her home yet?” You don’t whisper this part and Ellie nearly dies right on the sidewalk. Hands on your arm and she almost falls down dramatically.

“Oh my God. Stop. Don’t talk so loud.” She’s red in the face and looking around to see if anyone is outside. “She lives right there, oh my God.” You could tell she could pass away from embarrassment right now. “No. I get too nervous every time I try.” She whispers harshly at you. 

“Okokokok. Sorry. I thought we were far enough away.” You wrap your arm around her neck. It’s just you and her today. Joel is working on getting your backyard ready. Cleaning up bullshit that had been in the house before, fixing the deck. Building a fire pit. Making the house a real home. 

“Did you mean what you said yesterday?” Ellie looks up at you and her eyes scan your face as you nod down to her. “Why?” You have to think about what to tell her… not what but how. It takes you a minute as you look down at the sidewalk below your feet. Her eyes never leave the side of your face. 

“This is gonna be weird. Kinda hard for me maybe, okay?” She nods up at you, eyes softening tremendously as they look into yours. “I’ve always wanted a kid of my own. I thought that opportunity got taken away from me when this outbreak happened. I never thought…I never expected to have a child dropped into my lap when I least expected it.” You smile now while she listens, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. “I know that I am not your mom. I’ll never try to be, unless you want me to. But I’m excited that I get to watch you grow. That I get to help you. Protect you. I didn’t know if I’d get the chance when Joel was trying to get us out of that hospital. If I ever do have my own kid someday, you’ll always be my first baby.” You lean down and kiss her on the top of the head with a loud smack. “Always.” You kiss the top of her head ten million times and she’s laughing. 

“I like it. I like that you–you know…wanna…take care of me.” She looks up at you now with her big brown eyes that look like Joel’s somehow. “I didn’t get taken care of before this. Just raised. Barely.” Ellie’s voice is steady and she’s confident in herself. You’re a mess. About to sob and fall down on the sidewalk and roll around crying because you love her so much. “You and Joel are good at it." She hesitates for a moment and then speaks again, quietly. "This is what a family feels like?” She asks, so innocently and so genuinely that it actually hurts your heart. She doesn’t know or have anything to compare it to. 

“I think so. My family wasn’t like this.” You both stop walking and she looks up at you with confusion in her big brown eyes. “My dad was an asshole. Mean. Nasty. Spoke badly to me and my mom and sister. He didn’t respect us.” Ellie’s eyes are sad now. Big and sad. 

“Why?” She asks curiously. You shrug.

“I dunno. Just was. Always was. I was scared to come home from school most days, cause I didn’t wanna get screamed at for nothin’.” You start walking her back towards home. “I’m telling you this because I don’t ever want you to take Joel for granted. He and I are always just trying to keep you safe. Don’t ever hate us for that, okay?” She nods up at you but you don’t know if she really understands. Having parents isn’t always fun. 

When you get home Joel is waiting for you guys but he wants to talk to you. You can tell. It’s written all over his face. 

“My girls.” Joel smiles through his worried eyes and slaps Ellie up like they’re best friends. You shake your head. “It’s Saturday. Chores. Make lunch. Then we’ll eat and you can go do whatever it is you do up in your room. Clean it this time , maybe. Something.” Joel pushes her into the kitchen. “I gotta take Bird for another walk. We’ll be back.” 

“My leg aches.” You whine once you get outside. You didn’t wanna fight with him inside in front of Ellie, because he was basically waiting for you at the door. 

“I know, baby. I know. I brought this for us.” Joel holds a joint up and lights it as you walk towards the driveway and back down to the sidewalk. Joel puffs on the joint for a while and you watch him from the corner of your eye.

“So you just smoke my medicine like it’s recreational?” You tease, you don’t really mind. It’s a fun thing you do together; that makes you fearful of him and also paranoid and you forgot how to swallow and breathe that one time, but it’s fun. 

“Here, baby.” Joel holds the joint to your lips so you can keep your hands in your pockets. You puff twice, too big, cough and choke for a minute. You have to stop and bend at the waist and you almost throw up. “Ok. Not that much. Cheech and Chong over here.” He laughs as he pats your back. 

“I’m Cheech Marin. I’m one hundred percent Cheech.” You wheeze and pant as you stand up straight. Joel belly laughs when you say this. You look up at him red-faced and teary eyed.

“Sure are, babe.” You walk like that until you get to the park just outside of the medical center. It’s just a small playground but there is a bench and you guys sit. “What’d you and Ellie talk about today?” He asks nervously. You give him a suspicious look. 

“Why? You don’t want her to tell me something?” You take the joint from Joel and hit it very carefully because your lungs feel like raisins. Joel is hiding something. What is it?

“Did she ask you about what happened at the hospital? Do you even remember? ” He asks, taking your free hand. You nod slowly. Neither one of you talked about it at all yet. “I didn’t tell her the truth.” Joel tells you this freely. 

“Why? Why didn’t you tell her that Marlene did that to her?” You get a little angry but you kinda think you know where Joel is coming from. “Ugh. Nevermind. I know. What did you tell her?” 

“They did the tests. Those doctors stopped looking for a cure.” Joel gives you big brown eyes again. Always. “I said raiders attacked. I told her Marlene didn’t make it.” 

“Did she make it? I don’t…” You trail off because you had basically already lost almost all of the blood inside of you at that point. The whole elevator ride down to the parking garage was a little fuzzy and gray. Hard to remember exactly what was said and what happened. Joel shakes his head. 

“I told Ellie that the raiders got Marlene.” Joel whispers softly. “I killed her, though. I was going to let her go but then she went for the car. She went for you and Ellie. I shot her.” Joel sighs it out like he had been needing to tell someone. You press your free hand to the side of his face. The joint has gone out. Neither one of you need anymore. Looking at each other with red, squinting eyes. In public! “I told her that there were a lot more people like her. That they didn’t need her anymore so we could all go home.” 

“And that’s what you want me to tell her if she ever asks?” You look into those big eyes and get lost in them. 

“That. You could say you don’t remember. I just don’t want her to hate us for taking away her choice.” Joel looks like he could cry.

“We gave her a choice, Joel. I told her what could happen, in front of the RV that day you found the game. I warned her of what might happen. She had a choice and she made it. Those doctors lied to her. We didn’t lie. I understand why you did and I respect you and I won’t tell her but don’t feel guilty, baby. You did the right thing. We did the right thing.” Joel nods his head quickly and leans into your hand.

“Thank you. I didn’t even think of it until you and her went off on your own today. I thought for sure she was going to pry you for info.” Joel smiles know. 

“Can I ask you something?” You’re nervous. You’re going to tell Joel about your paranoia and fears and it’s making your legs shiver and tense up. 

“Anything.” 

“Why do you treat me like that…in the bedroom? You’re so… aggressive all the time. You speak down to me. Even at the table the other day you said I was below you.” You speak fast because you’re scared. Holy shit you’re so scared. Joel’s eyes haven’t left yours. “It makes me nervous. It makes me feel like… your property. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend. ” 

Joel’s eyes soften immediately and he holds your face in his hands now. 

“I thought… I thought you liked that?” Joel looks at you confused. “We haven’t done anything we didn’t do back in the cabin besides the dirty talk. We did that too, it’s just different.” Joel shrugs his shoulders.

“And the being below you comment? The punishment ?” You’re confused. Just as confused as he is, apparently. 

“Did you not like being punished? On the road? I thought that was like, something we’re exploring.” Joel has his hand on your good leg and is squeezing gently. “I don’t understand. When I told you I would be gentle with you, you basically told me to scram.” Joel chuckles nervously. 

What the shit? Is he right? 

“What about my dream the other night? I don’t think it was a high brownie dream…I think you fucked me. Without my permission.” 

“You gave me permission ten thousand times! I asked so many times!” Joel exclaims, holding both hands out to you like he’s showing you off to someone who isn’t there. “Then you wake up talkin’ about it’s a dream and start callin’ me daddy again—”

“I didn’t call you daddy. I said in my dream you told me to call you daddy–” You’re leering at him and he’s leering right back at you.

“You called me that shit first! I didn’t like it the first time you said it but you kept moaning it over and over and I got rock fuckin’ hard eatin’ your pussy while you called me daddy. I was ashamed !” Joel is mad at you now. “You’re right. You shouldn’t smoke anymore weed. Accusing me of what— raping you?” Joel stands up from the bench. “I like it rough. I like to dominate the hell out of you and talk real dirty to you in the bedroom. I’d never do that , though, Jesus. If I thought you didn’t want it I’d never take it from you—get outta here.” Joel waves his hand at you dismissively. 

“The below you comment?” You’re unwavering, even with his behavior. Joel snorts and shoves his hands into his jacket pocket. 

“I’m sorry. I was an ass for that. I’m hot headed sometimes.” Joel kicks at the ground with his boot. “Shit, s’why I was a single dad.” Joel’s eyes meet yours for a moment but then he looks away. “I am sorry. I get carried away.” 

“I didn’t like it. I’ve been terrified at night because I don’t know what’s real and what’s a dream. That comment didn’t ease any anxiety I had.” You huff softly when you’re done talking because now you are confused if this is all something your weird, blood denied and weed filled brain came up with. You do not know.

“Terrified? Of me? Like I’m the boogie man?” Joel kicks at the ground again. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you or hurt you. Nothin’ like that.” Joel walks back to you now and sits where he had been before. “Don’t want you scared of me. Ever. I wanna be your husband one day. Not someone you think you’re forced to be with. If you think that, tell me.” 

“I don’t feel forced. I just want you to respect me. Treat me good. I think I just had time before, when we didn’t see each other in between— but when someone calls you stupid and a slut every fucking day even if it’s sexy…I don’t know. Maybe I’m starting to believe I’m only good for one thing.” Words you didn’t even know to be true are coming out of your mouth but those words sounded productive to your stoned ears. 

“Bird. Look’it me.” Joel’s stern voice pulls your eyes from the grass in front of you. He’s staring at you. “ Smartest , most incredibly strong woman I ever met. I mean it. You blew me away on the road. Every single day. You still do.” Joel grabs both of your hands in his. “Ellie made me want to be a parent again. You make me wanna have another baby. I want a family with both of you and being safe here, in Jackson— it just makes sense.” Joel squeezes your hands now. “I see Tommy and Maria getting their house ready for their kid and, I dunno. There is that extra bedroom upstairs .” 

You want kids. You want ‘em bad. You’ve been thinking about it since Joel said it at the table that same day he said you were below him. Neither of those things have left your brain. 

“You’re serious?” You ask him, dropping your eyes to your lap because this sucks. Your brain is still telling you something is not right. “I’d wanna wait.”

“Lil’ late for that, Bird. We been tryin’ since basically you got home. Started on the road, really. Stopped thinking with my big brain.” Joel taps his head with his finger. Your heart starts to race in your chest because he is not wrong. He’s come inside you almost everyday. 

“Stop. Don’t do it again until I’m really ready. I don’t think it’ll take me long. I jus— I need to wrap my head around that.” You’re sweating even in the cool spring air. “I mean it. Pull out for a while.” You’re looking up at Joel now and he must see the fear in your eyes because he pulls you in for a big hug. A good hug. It makes you feel safe.

“Whatever you need, Bird. I’ll do anything to make you happy. I mean it.” 

Joel walks home with you hand in hand, right past Ava’s house so if she is home and watching get a good look, lady! He’s taken! Him and his big ole weiner! You don’t know why you’re so nervous about Ava. She just gives him bread and jam. Soon you’ll know how to make jam too and you and Joel and Ellie will need nothing from her but her schooling. That’s it. 

Ellie had cleaned the house a little and made sandwiches for lunch. Which were actually not bad. You liked that they had fresh meat and veggies at the little market down in the town. Joel picked up some turkey there and it’s actually better than you ever remember turkey being. 

“Do you pay for any of this stuff? How do you even do that?” You look at Joel after taking a bite of your sandwich. He shakes his head. 

“It’s all communal. Everyone gets a share of everything unless they don’t want it.” Joel starts to explain and Ellie pipes in.

“Like Miss. Ava is a vegetarian so she gave her share to him this week.” Ellie nods her head at Joel. You raise an eyebrow at Ellie and do not meet Joel’s staring eyes. They’re boring holes in the side of your face. 

“How nice of Miss. Ava.” You go back to your sandwich and look out the window. The ceiling is so nice. And so is this beautiful table. Wow. Holy smokes, the floors are incredible. Joel clears his throat but you still don’t look at him. You look at Ellie again and admire her cheek bones and nice nose. Joel clears his throat again, louder and Ellie looks at him, sees him staring at you and then looks at you, staring at her. 

“What is going on?” She asks innocently. You shake your head and look down at your plate.

“Nothing. I was just thinkin’ about how pretty you are.” You smile, looking up at her again. “Do you have a lot of kids at your school?” You ask curiously, you never have asked before.

“There are thirteen of us teenagers. The oldest is seventeen. The youngest is twelve. There are a lot of younger kids though. Younger than ten I think. They’re on a different level of the school.” You’re so interested. You can see Joel still looking at you out of the corner of your eye. 

“Do you guys all ever see each other or do they keep you separate all day? You know, from the littler kids.” Ellie nods as she swallows a bite of her sandwich. 

“We all get lunch at the same time. The little kids are pretty cute. ‘Cept when they cry. Then they’re annoying.” She takes another bite. 

You do look at Joel now and he’s got his big brown eyes on the apology setting. You eat the rest of your lunch in silence and when everyone is done Ellie clears the table and brings everything into the kitchen and washes up. Joel leans in and puts his elbows on the table. 

“It’s not whatever you’re thinkin’.” Joel whispers. You shrug. 

“Does she even know about me?” You ask just as quietly as he had spoken. Joel nods enthusiastically. 

“Of course. We talk about you all the time.” He motions to himself and Ellie in the kitchen. “Stop bein’ jealous. Ain’t nothin’ to be jealous of. I’m yours, baby. All of me. I promise.” Joel gets up from his chair and walks to you at the other end, kissing the top of your head. “Do you wanna get out of the house again? We can go do something? Go to the bar?” Joel grips your chin and makes you look up at him. You shake your head no.

“I’m tired. Leg hurts. I think I need a nap.” Joel leans down and kisses your lips when you’re done speaking. 

“Do you want to take a cold shower together— a gentle one– and then we can nap?” Joel looks down into your eyes as he rests his forehead on yours. “A nice one. I’ll wash you. Kiss you real nice. Won’t touch you funny or nothing. Just be gentle.” The words are whispered against your lips and you do want a cold shower with Joel. Real bad. A gentle one.

You stand up as he’s kissing you and his tongue teases your bottom lip as he pulls away. Joel’s hand finds yours and he’s gently pulling you into the kitchen, he calls to Ellie as she finishes the dishes. 

“Hey, she’s gonna nap. I’m showering. Prolly gonna nap too. Stay home.You can go with your friends tomorrow, okay?” Joel pauses with you at his side. Ellie nods and wipes her hands on her jeans. “Maybe go clean your room.” Joel eyes her and points a finger. Ellie rolls her eyes and heads upstairs. Joel watches, making sure she goes up there and once her door shuts, Joel leads you to the bedroom and into your attached bathroom.

“I love you.” Joel’s whispering against your lips as he unbuttons the flannel shirt you have on. “I do. It breaks my heart that you’re scared of me.” He pushes the shirt off your shoulders and down your arms. “Don’t be scared, baby girl.” His hands are working on the buttons of your jeans and he's pushing them down your thighs carefully. “My lil bird, scared. Frightened.” He’s kissing you while speaking, desperately . Gently, yes. But it’s like he cannot get enough of you.

You lean against the wall as Joel undresses quickly in front of you, unbuttoning his own flannel shirt quickly. You watch but you’re getting nervous for the shower. It’s so cold but when he pushes his pants down and he swings freely between his legs you forget all fears of the shower and wonder how he gets that thing inside of you. 

“Starin’ at it!” Joel covers it with one hand. “Stop it.” He holds the other hand over what the first hand doesn’t cover. 

“How can I not! Look’it the thing. Jesus. It’s huge.” You have never really seen Joel’s flaccid dick this much before. It was always hard and big, yes, but it’s big when it’s soft too! What the hell!? “That thing really does make me stupid, holy shit.” You give him a big, stupid smile and he laughs at you and kisses your forehead.

“I don’t think you're stupid. I don’t. Really.” Joel feels bad. You can hear it in his voice. 

“Hey, I like it. Sometimes. Every four days I like it. Everyday is too much. I’m sorry.” You look up at him as he starts the shower. 

“Don’t be sorry, Bird.” He steps in immediately because it’s not going to warm up. Joel doesn’t even react. “I’m sorry. We should have talked more. I’m just aggressive. With everything. ‘Specially you. I’ll be better.” Joel holds his hand out for you to take so he can help you in. 

Joel holds you under the cold water, despite your giggling protests so that you can get used to it. He giggles with you and kisses your lips softly as the water stops being freezing and just is cold now. Once nice and wet, Joel wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to him.

“Sorry for accusing you of anything. My brain’s been all foggy. Weird this last week.” You apologize to his chest because you do feel bad. This good man wouldn’t hurt you. You can tell in his touches. 

“Bird, stop apologizing. I never should have assumed you were good to sleep with when you were high. I fucked up. That was wrong of me and I won’t do it again. I won’t do nothin’ you don’t wanna do, okay baby girl?” 

Joel plants gentle kisses across your collarbones and shoulders. He turns you and kisses every inch of your back. Doesn’t miss a spot as his hands move up and down your sides and front as he does it. His hands and lips never stray past your waist or to your chest. His tongue dips out and tastes your skin sometimes, and his warm breath is inviting on your cool flesh. You rest your forehead on the wall of the shower as he kisses across the small of your back. His hands grip your lower stomach gently like he worships the little extra flesh you carry there. He does. He holds onto it and pushes you back against his mouth as he kisses and nips up your spine. 

“You’re so pretty, baby.” He whispers in your ear as he stands up behind you. You can feel his erection pressed into you from behind but he doesn’t try or do anything with it. It’s just pressed against your ass as he grabs a bar of soap. He washes you gently. So carefully. Joel washes your hair and kisses along your neck after he rinses you. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers into your ear. “So sorry.” His deep voice travels slowly in your ear canal as he shuts the water off. “C’mon. Let’s go nap, tired bird.” Joel dries you off and gets you into a long t-shirt to sleep in. 

“I’m sorry. I feel like I made a big deal out of nothing.” You whisper into his chest as he wraps you up in his arms. “I love you, too. I do. You’re very good to me. You took good care of me. Saved my life.” You’re teeth are chittering because you’re so cold but he presses his already warm body against yours tightly, feelings your body shivering against his. 

“It is a big deal. Your happiness and your safety are my biggest concerns. If you don’t feel neither of those things then I’m doin’ something wrong.” Joel sighs and rests his chin on the top of your head. “I’m bad at this. Bein’ a boyfriend. A husband. Been single for so fuckin’ long.” He sighs again and runs his fingers across your back. “I’ll be better. I’ll try. Talk to me though. You ain’t got nothin’ to be scared of.” 

Joel’s words and his calming touches do make you feel better. A lot better. 

“Okay.” You whisper sleepily. 

“We’re goin’ to Tommy and Maria’s tonight for dinner and a fire outside. Rest up. We’ll have a good time. Get to show off my girlfriend. ” Joel yawns and pulls the blankets up over your shoulders. “I’m sorry again, baby. I love you.” 

Dinner was good. Maria is a good cook and Tommy knows how to smoke meats very well. The weather was cool but the big fire the four of you sat around was nice. Joel held your hand in his while drinking something Tommy had given him. You drank wine and Maria had water. She was close to giving birth soon. 

“Are you excited?” You ask, leaning over to talk to her while the brothers talked about buildings and things they needed for around town. She nods excitedly. 

“We just finished his room. Tommy went and found a crib that’s really nice. It’s so clean and perfect.” She rubs her belly gently and looks at Tommy who is sitting across the fire. “He’s going to be such a good dad.” 

“His room? How do you know it’s a boy?” You ask, a smile creeping onto your face as her own smile grows. She shrugs and cradles her unborn baby inside of her. 

“I don’t know for sure. I just hope it’s a boy– I’ll be happy either way, really. But I want a boy so bad. I wanna name him after my brother.” She looks sadly at the fire now right in front of her. “I lost him pretty early in the outbreak.” She looks over to you now and flushes the sadness from her eyes and smiles. 

“No kids of your own?” She asks, eyes flicking between you and Joel quickly. You shake your head. 

“Not yet. We been thinking about it since we came back, though.” You explain, taking a sip of your wine. Maria’s eyes light up. 

“You should! They could grow up together. It would be so nice to have another first time mom around.” She sounds excited but her eyes keep flicking between you and Joel. You look over your shoulder at him and he’s looking at you with a smile on his face, then he turns back to Tommy. 

“I want to. I think about it a lot.” You turn back to Maria who has turned her whole pregnant body towards you. You let go of Joel’s hand finally and turn to face her also. “I never thought I’d get to. It’s almost like my brain accepted that I wouldn’t have my own kids so now I can’t accept the fact that it’s an option now.” You try to explain the best you can but Maria is nodding and has her hand on your forearm.

“I know. I know exactly what you mean. Those two just want to…fuck. Spread their seed. A mother’s instinct runs so much deeper than just a need to procreate. I thought Tommy was so dumb for wanting to have a baby in a place like this.” She looks around their backyard. “But it’s so safe. It took me a while to warm up to the idea.” Her eyes soften as they look at you. “C’mon. I’ll take you to get more wine.” She grabs your hand and leads you into their house. 

It’s beautiful and nicely decorated. Maria keeps a clean home and it’s inspiring. 

“Thanks for having us over tonight. We’ll have you over as soon as our backyard is cleaned up. Joel works on it everyday.” You look out at him through the window above their sink. Joel is so fucking handsome. It literally pains you. He’s all yours, too. 

“He good to you?” Maria asks as she fills your wine glass. You honestly don’t need anymore but you feel too good to tell her to stop. 

“What do you mean?” You turn to eye her suspiciously and lean against the island she’s setting the wine bottle down on. 

“Is Joel good to you?” She’s serious. Much more serious than she had sounded outside. She had a tone of freaking wonder or something when she had been outside talking about babies and Tommy. Talking about Joel… she sounds…nervous? What the fuck?

“Yeah. He’s really good to me.” You look into her eyes and she’s moving them from you to the door that leads outside then back to you. “Why?” Now you’re fuckin’ nervous. What the actual fuck does she mean and why are her eyes doing that?

“Tommy has just told me some things. I worry for you and Ellie.” She leans on her elbows like you are. “He’s a dangerous guy.” You know this. You’ve seen him in action, but he’s not dangerous to you. No. He protects you. 

“Yeah. Gotta be out here, to survive. If he wasn’t dangerous I wouldn’t have made it back here alive.” You defend him because was Tommy not dangerous at one point either? Joel told you about what he and Tommy did. You’re not blind to his past. Not really, you don’t think. “Tommy should know all about being dangerous. Right?” Your eyes scan her face. 

“Tommy didn’t have an ex-wife who fled in the middle of the night to never be heard from ever again.” She whispers this. “Gone. In the wind. Didn’t call the kid. Didn’t come to visit.” This is all news to you. Joel had told you she left him, yes, but he didn’t tell you that she disappeared.

“He do something to her?” You ask nervously. Maria shakes her head. You let out a sigh of relief. 

“Tommy just said that Joel can be controlling. Domineering. Possessive.” She says the words slowly. “Tommy doesn’t think Joel would ever put his hands on a woman. But Joel did or said something to make his ex run away. Far away. So far she never wanted to talk to her kid again.” 

“Tommy told you that? That Joel did something?” You raise one eyebrow. Maria shakes her head from side to side again. 

“Just my assumption.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Could have been an affair too, who knows. Just weird she didn’t wanna see her daughter after. I can’t imagine not seeing him and I don’t even know him yet.” She leans back and rubs her stomach. “I just want you to be careful.” She looks down at you seriously. 

Maria! You are drunk and maybe still a little high from earlier! You had just gotten a lot of the fear and worry and doubt out of your heart and now you sleep next to a stranger again! Maria! Why!? You liked it better when you didn’t know any of that stuff and now you wish you could go back in time and politely decline her offer for more wine. You’re drinking it now too and it’s just going to make you more drunk. You set it down and push it away from you. 

“I shouldn’t. I still have to take my medicine tonight.” You’re fucking nervous now because you’ve only been drunk the one other time when you were fifteen and you’re legs feel like they have no bones in them. “And walk home.” You sigh. 

Joel and you say your goodbyes. Hugs and thank yous. We’ll do this again soon is said several times by all four of you. Joel grabs your hand and holds it tightly in his, interlacing his fingers into yours. 

“Did you have fun?” Joel looks down at you with his perfect brown eyes and you wanna sit on his face. You nod up at him. 

“I did. I like do– doing stuff like that.” You hiccup and wish you were home already. “I don’t wanna waaalk.” You whine as you guys get into the street. 

“Hop up.” Joel kneels in front of you and holds his arms out at his sides. “Your leg should be good? Doesn’t hurt to bad?” You’re stopped behind him because he wants you to what? Play leap frog with him? 

“What? You want me to jump over you?” You’re teetering to one side. “I can– barely stand up.” You almost fall and Joel has to jump up to catch you. “I’m drunk f’the first time in m-my adult life. I don’t—” Joel takes one of your hands and places it on his shoulder as he turns around. “I can’t jump over you!” You exclaim as he kneels again. 

“Will you climb onto my back? I’m gonna piggy back you home, Jesus Christ.” He chuckles as you place your knees on sides. He holds you and lifts. There is a small dull pain in your leg but it feels better than walking with no bones. 

“Weed and wine!” You exclaim as he carries you on his back. “I don’t like them, Joel Miller. I hate ‘em.” You rest your head on his shoulder. “What happened to your wife? Why did she leave you?” You slur against his jacket. Joel doesn’t stop walking. 

“Unhappy. I worked a lot. We fought when I was home. Real bad. Really bad.” Joel whispers as you listen, your head still resting against his shoulder. “She’d hit me sometimes. I’d call her terrible things. She left in the middle of the night. Never heard from her again until I got divorce papers in the mail.” Joel looks back at your sleepy, drunk eyes. “Why you askin’ now, babe?” 

“Been thinkin’ ‘bout it.” You lie through a whispered croak. “Don’t fight with me. Don— Don’t call me terrible things.” You continue to croak drunkenly. 

“Don’t hit me.” Joel teases softly. 

“Lemme ssspank you.” You close your eyes and he shifts you, lifting you up higher onto his back. You’re doing almost nothing to hold on besides the one shoulder you hold onto and the other you're resting on. Joel has to hunch to keep you up there. 

“You can spank me, hell yeah. Fuckin’ teach me a lesson, Bird. I was bad. I need to be punished.” Joel laughs as you guys make your way up your own driveway and into the house. Ellie is making a snack in the kitchen when you get in. 

“Oh no. She took too much medicine again?” She asks sarcastically. You think this is hilarious. Joel laughs too and shakes his head. 

“Nope. Just had too much fun at Uncle Tommy’s house with Maria.” Joel kicks his boots off in the doorway and leaves them on the porch. “Come shut this door for me, El. I gotta put her to bed. We’re both goin’ to bed. You should too. You’re making breakfast in the morning.” Joel carries you to Ellie. You and her smile at each other and exchange a soft forehead touch while you cling to his shoulders. 

“Love you, sssweet girl. G’night.” You sigh and rest your head on Joel’s shoulder again. 

“Night! Love you guys. See you in the morning.” Ellie takes off up the stairs. Joel stands in the kitchen, not moving. The door to her bedroom slams shut. 

“Did she just say she loves us?” Joel asks quietly. You nod sleepily against his shoulder. 

“Yeah. I think so. I might’a jus’ said it to her. I dunno.” You’re so tired. Your mouth feels like it’s got weights inside of it. It’s so hard to talk. Oh my, God what is happening. You need to be laying down. 

Joel gets you into bed and pulls your jeans off slowly. 

“C’mon. Lemme put a baby into you. You’re gonna look so fucking sexy with my kid inside you.” Joel growls playfully and kisses from your lower stomach up to your chest, pushing your shirt up as he does it. 

“I’d have a baby w– with you.” You hiccup again. You’re so drunk. 

“I’ll put one in you when you're sober, baby girl. Joel kisses between your breasts and up your neck as he pulls your shirt up over your head for you. “I want to. So fucking bad.” Joel continues to kiss up your neck and towards your ear as he tosses your shirt to the floor behind him. 

“Joel, do it.” You whisper up to him. He licks your jaw from your ear to your lips and he kisses you. 

“I’m Daddy in here still. One of the rules now.” Joel kisses you again and then kisses back down your jaw on the other side. 

“Daddy, please.” You want him inside of you so badly. The alcohol and his kisses have you wriggling underneath him.

“No.” Joel growls softly. “I’ll do it in the morning if you still feel the same.” He presses his erection against you through his jeans. “You feel how fuckin’ hard you make me? You feel how badly I want to? How bad I wanna claim that pussy forever. Cause you are mine. My baby, my sweet girl. Not below me. You’re right here with me, baby.” Joel’s whispering into your ear as he rocks his hips against your good thigh. 

“Fuck, Daddy.” You moan softly at his words and his erection against you. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Joel says suddenly. Your eyes shoot open. 

“I congress–I cosign– I c-c-consent! Daddy please.” You’re begging him, drunkenly. Joel shakes his head no and gets off the bed to turn the light off. 

“You’re drunk. I’m not. It feels weird now, after our talk in the park. C’mon. Let’s go to sleep.” 

“Okay yes. Drunk. But still horny now. Cosigning. I wanna.” You look up at Joel as he crawls over you. “Please.” You look into his eyes and he’s still shaking his head no. 

“Get yourself off. I’ll watch. I know you want it. I just can’t. Not tonight, babe.” Joel leans in and kisses you softly on the cheek, you pull away in frustration. “Awww, don’t be mad at me. Want me to suck those perfect fuckin’ tits while you touch yourself?” Joel offers some support in this whole denial of sex. 

“No. I want to fuck.” Now you’re mad. You just wanna go to bed. You turn over and roll the opposite way from him, facing the wall. Joel laughs from behind you and pulls you in close to him. 

“I wanna fuck you, too. ‘Nother rule is I don’t touch you while you’re intoxicated. Until you feel better about all of this at least.” Joel grinds himself into you from the back. “You feel that? It’s all yours, first thing in the morning if you still want it.” 

if there are any tags you think I should add let me know.

[slimybeth69]

omfg what a fucking shout out.

I love that you love Joel and Birdie so much, I love them too and they're forever going to live in my heart and head.

I can't wait until I start posting the re-write. I think it's just going to add to the story and make it more enjoyable for everyone.

Thank you so much, Tessa.

(lowkey put your mom on to it lmaoooo)

so my mom keeps asking what book I’m reading on my iPad

I am, in fact, re-reading Venus In Furs by @slimybeth69 (please go read it, it’s fantastic!)

and my mom keeps joking about how I won’t be able to sleep at night or that I must be so enraptured by the story because of all the porn in it — except she has 0 fucking clue that there is smut and thinks she’s just making a silly tee hee adult joke

I find this fucking hilarious. I will never tell her.

anyways….had to share!

[dead-dolphins]

I've told you guys that I would show you something, so here it is:

Alpha Warlord Eren sneak peek! — or venus in furs ~

[lesbians4armand]

the velvet underground’s venus in furs 🤝 songs about sadomasochism that 100% fit the devils minion relationship 🤝 melt by siouxsie and the banshees

[umbremom]

conquest

Part 1 of warlord weekend! Here's EM from venus in furs by @dead-dolphins (aka the alpha warlord Eren omegaverse AU) 🐺⚔️

Full resolution + CC credits here

[wastrelwoods]

your heart is a vast stone desert  [10k, M, missing scene around 2x10: naka-choko]

“We both want to understand.” Will props his weight against the edge of the desk again, a contrapposto effigy staring Hannibal down with graven calm. “We both want to be understood. There could be a way forward, there.”

Hannibal folds his hands in his lap and tilts his head. “If we both confess.”

Fun flirty oneshot inspired by David Ives’ play Venus in Fur and also every tense murderous homoerotic “therapy” scene in the whole of season 2. content warnings for canon-typical violence and gore, animal death, non-consensual drug use. Ao3 link up above!

[spooky-kakashi]

if you ever feel dumb just know that i let a stucky fanfic from 2016 define me more than anything else

[monamipencil]

— venus in furs | l.cn

⋆ summary; portraying lee chan as an example for simp from the 19th century. or in which, he's the biggest loser for you.

⋆ pairings; chan x fem! reader ⋆ genre; smut, fluff, friends (?) with benefits, 19th century! au ⋆ w.c; 2.5k+ ⋆ warnings; chan is the biggest simp, lots of praising and body worship, oral (f. receiving), foot job (m. receiving), service top! chan, also subby! chan, unprotected sex (19th century condoms are horrendous), multiple orgasms, SIMP CHAN ALERT ⋆ a/n; here she is!! i'm always down for writing simp! chan. this is my first time writing a victorian era fic, let me know how you guys like it <3

your heat throbs between your legs as the man before kisses down your knees with a passion that rivals the fire crackling behind him. you card your fingers through his soft brown locks and sigh softly, leaning back on the canapé.

“we should stop this,” Chan freezes at your cold yet tender voice. he looks up at you, distraught brewing in his beautiful eyes.

“my lady, have I done you any wrong? have I offended you?” he says, tone laced with a desperateness that breaks your heart.

but you're in no place to enjoy the worship he bestows upon you. you, a small village girl, and he, the heir to a powerful business. and though you rot your days away, fantasizing about marrying him, you know it is not practical.

you think of the gasps and the sneers that the news of your relationship would elicit from society. this was all a game of cat and mouse. you escapes his pursuits and chases and he revels in it, pushing him to pursue you further.

what started as a playful banter ended up in flames of passion and pining. if not careful, it could burn you and leave you with scars. the world is forgiving enough for a rich man but not a poor woman. any woman at that.

“it is not as simple, dearest.” you sigh, resolve, breaking with every passing second.

Chan has never been as devasted. he couldn't imagine a day without kissing your skin and worshipping you as if you were Venus. which you were, in his eyes.

with all his honesty, Chan never thought when he was with you. any rational thought slips from his mind, and you infect him with your warm, soft skin and deep, lusted eyes. the only thoughts that conjure are how to please and make you happy.

even now, as you hold a stake to his heart and threaten to pierce him, he can only think of pleasuring you.

“can I taste you for the last time, my lady?”

his offer knocks the air out of your lungs, and you try not to embarrass yourself by sucking in a sharp breath. your eyes dart towards the darkness of the room, searching for anything to look at but him.

even with the only light in the room behind him, he looks ethereal with Selene resting in his orbs. with hesitancy in your breath, you nod, unable to deny him.

he doesn't waste any time, slipping his hands under the rich silk covering your body. you undo the robe he bought you, one of the many decorating your wardrobe.

he drags his hands up your skin, pushing the robe off you. his groan echoes through the marble walls of his chamber, and his eyes dart over your naked figure.

the glow from the Renaissance fireplace casts you in a mesmerizing light. these are some of the times he envies the hands of a painter. oh, how he wishes to paint and immortalize you in this world.

your nipples harden under his touch, and your heat glistens with desire. you spread your legs, welcoming to have a taste. he places hot kisses on your thighs, slowly moving closer to your core.

you hold in your breath, anticipating his tongue as his breath wafts against your heat. he presses a kiss to the pearl between your folds before placing his tongue flat against your lips.

the sounds that fill the chambers are blasphemous. you toss your head back on the rich fabric of the canapé. your lips turn red, trying to hold in moans as his tongue works wonders on you.

his nose brushes against your clit, sending waves of pleasure through your body. his tongue prods at your core, sucking and slurping. he hums, drinking your sweet nectar as if it's water. one could only describe him as a starved man with the hungry laps of his tongue and lustful moans from his chest.

moon-shaped prints form on your hips under the pressure of his nails. he looks up at you with a passion that trembles you to your core, and your walls break down. wanton moans echo from the back of your throat, and your hips thrust up to meet his starving mouth.

heat courses through your nerves, and sweat coats your body. pressure builds in your stomach, causing you to gasp and thrash under his hold. he slips in a calloused finger to rub the small nub, filling you with pleasure.

your hands fly up to your breasts to play with your nipples. you roll them between your thumb and forefinger. you lock your ankles behind his back, pushing his head further into your core.

the familiar pressure builds up in your stomach, causing your moans to grow louder. you tug his hair roughly and move your hips against his mouth. with another tug of his hair, you come undone. your moans quiet down, but that doesn't stop Chan from licking you dry, not wasting any of your fluids.

he pulls away from your throbbing heat, and your arousal glistens on his chin and lips.

“what would your loved ones think?” you ask between bated breaths.

“what?” a pout graces his lips, and he tilts his head. big, brown eyes tinted with confusion. you suck in a sharp breath and resist the urge to pepper kisses all over him.

“that you love to have your head between a maiden's legs.” it was his turn to breathe sharply, jaw tensing ever so slightly.

“what would they think of you, knowing you begged to have a taste of her?” you lean towards his kneeled figure, tracing a lone finger on the side of his face.

“that you neglect yourself to please her?”

you whisper against his cheeks, lips brushing against his soft skin. he gasps when you press your foot against his crotch. you fall back on the canapé, continuing your ministrations on his groin.

you trace the outline of his shaft with your toe and apply pressure specifically on the tip. he groans and wraps his fingers around your shin, letting you have your way.

he presses a kiss to your knees as if it's your knees that are bruised from passion. you press your sole against his hard cock, and toe his balls.

chan never complains. he always accepts whatever you have to give him with open arms, whether it's an orgasm or a heartbreak. and it's a pity that you only want to bask him in love, but you know it will destroy you in the end. so you gave him cold eyes and snarky remarks. but who knew that he would rejoice in your indifference?

“my love!” he moans, rutting his hips against your foot. even now, he baffles you. he accepts the bare minimum with no complaints and always gives his best in return.

the pet name never fails to make you flush and throb with yearning. you stop your movements, the ache between your legs growing stronger. he whines at the loss of friction and looks at you with longing.

you swiftly pull the robe on your body and stand up. you grab his collar, pulling him up with you. he groans when you roughly push him down on the mattress.

climbing on the bed, you straddle his hips and slot your lips against his in a hot kiss. he immediately responds, one of his hands wrap around your nape and the other rests on your lower back.

he pushes his tongue past your lips and moans at the warm of your mouth. the robe is again stripped from your body and he flips you over, gaining control over you.

the yellow-orange flames paint his skin a beautiful glow and you find yourself lost in his beauty. chan kisses you like a man depraved from any touch all his life. it's all teeth and tongue and gasps for breath.

he inhales in your scent and kisses your neck in a rushed manner. his hands wander all over your body, trying to find purchase anywhere he can. his teeth bruises your skin and his lips soothe the bruises right after.

and his clothes come undone one by one, till you're both laying naked on the velvet sheets of his bed. his cock grazes the inside of your thigh, a premonition of what's about to unfold.

his lips descend to your nipples, wrapping his lips around it. an undignified moan leaves you as his warm tongue swirls around the sensitive bud. he sucks obediently on the bud, occasionally teething on it. he switches to the other bud, doing the same before continuing his descent.

he leaves a trail of kisses from the valley of your breasts to the mound of your heat. his eyes are closed and eyebrows knitted in concentration as he does so. he stops and looks up at you, the flames in his eyes burn brighter than that of the wood fire.

he offers a small kiss to your clit before mounting you again, placing his hands on either side of your torso. you're rendered speechless when he kisses your forehead, gently.

“I could not care less about what others think.” his breath is even and the assurance in his eyes sends a flurry of emotions coursing through your veins.

he chuckles at your gaped mouth and the break in your character amuses him.

“what did you expect from this fool that can only think of you? hmm?” a gentle yet playful smile plays on his lips. your flushed expression overjoys him.

he shifts, positioning himself before your slick core. the bulbous head of his shaft prods your lips and he gently caresses the soft skin of your waist. he leans down, pressing a series of kisses from your temple to the corner of your lips.

“I burn for you, by my body and heart.”

he kisses you with burning passion and his sentence is punctuated by pushing his cock inside you. the stretch is delicious and you moan at the contact, hips rushing to meet his.

your slick arousal makes it easier for him. he enters you with ease and you moan in unison when he bottoms out. he pulls out before sinking back in. he follows it till he finds a comfortable pace to split you open.

you hook your arms around his neck and your legs around his hips. the heel of your foot digs into his back, and your nails leave red imprints on his skin. your lips has a mind-numbing grip on his cock. he pursues a relentless pace that molds your insides to the shape of his cock.

your walls flutter around him and you cling to him, desperately. he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him. he thrusts harder, the sound of skins slapping reverberate off the marble walls.

the bed creaks with each movement of his hips. you moan, and throw your head back with a roll to your eyes. the sound of your slick every time your hips meet is sinful.

“kiss me, please. please.” Chan begs you with urgency. as if he'd succumb to death if you didn't oblige.

you rake up your nails up his back and eye his bruised lips, licking your own. a sultry haze swirls in your eyes and he's mesmerized by them. his pace slows down, involuntarily and you cradle his face before smashing your lips to his.

Chan whines and whimpers into your mouth, his hips meeting yours erratically. the orange embers from the fire place illuminates him in a heavenly aura. you dig your heels into his back, forcing him to move harder.

the pressure builds in your stomach again and you feel light-headed. Chan thrusts into you with passion and your slick drips down from your thighs.

“I love you,” you gasp at a certain hard thrust, and his confession kindles a new fire inside of you.

“I admire you,” he punctuates with a soft kiss to your temple and thrusts harder.

“god, you're so beautiful.” he cries, holding you tighter. you do the same, and rest your head on his neck. you kiss his neck, peppering him with red blemishes.

with another hard thrust, you come undone, moaning and whimpering his name. he pulls out, jerking off before he spills warm, white ropes of semen on your stomach and thighs.

he falls on the mattress beside you and pulls your body closer. soft apologies spill from his lips as he peppers kisses on your skin to make up for his roughness.

you catch your breath and melt into his arms. the fire has died down, leaving the room cold and dark but Chan keeps you warm. his hands caress your skin and he looks at you with such admiration that makes him cry.

the heat of the passion died down, leaving room for soft vulnerability. his fingers entwine with yours and he holds you as if you're the most sought after price in all of the world.

“I love you,” you admit and he freezes, mind buffering as he processes your words. he searches your face for any insincerity but he's met with none. you offer him a gentle smile and a warm hug.

he melts into your embrace and you hear a few sniffles. you chuckle, rubbing and patting his back. but he pulls away, leaving you confused.

you see his naked back disappear behind the room divider and he soon emerges with a wet cloth. a hiss falls from your lips when he presses it on your heat, cleaning you up. he apologizes with a sheepish smile and a blush on his face.

a few minutes have passed and you're laying on his muscular chest, waiting for slumber to take you over. he clears his throat and stops his caresses.

“so, what do you think of marriage?”

he maintains a emotionless visage but you can see the fear dancing in his orbs. you try not to chuckle and give your answer with an even voice.

“a burden,”

“a burden?” he parrots, voice laced with hurt.

you hum, feeling your heart thrum wildly beneath your rib cages. if it weren't for the bony cage, your heart would've ripped it's way out, begging for him to touch it.

“but not to me,” you whisper, kissing his skin. you snuggle into his neck, and you can't see his face but feel him hold in his breath.

“not if it's you.”

he switches positions, hovering over you now. he silently asks for assurance and you nod. he breathes finally, and thanks the lord for answering his prayers. you laugh at that and return his embrace.

he peppers kisses all over you and chuckles with you.

“but dare to cross my heart, and your dick won't be attached to your body anymore.” you threaten but he smiles at you, clearly lovesick.

he kisses down your neck, to your breasts and stomach where he rests his head. he hears your heartbeat thump and he smiles.

“my heart would break before yours, if I were ever to do so, my lady.”

you caress his head, slumber rooting in your body.

“my soul is far too intertwined with yours.”

tags; @seungkwanschicken @aaa-sia @dokyeomkyeom @bangantokchy

@asyre @armycarat2612 @bewoyewo @gyuguys @embrace-themagic

@aaniag @nurihihi (send an ask to be added on the taglist!)b

[unalivejournal]

imagine a tumblr simulator set in the velvet goldmine universe lmfao

2 notes

🎹 wilderatz Follow

DNI if you still support br*an sl*de after the shooting hoax. what he did was fucking unacceptable and pathetic. the panic and heartbreak on the dashboard that day was absolutely traumatizing. and the fact that it was all for cheap publicity makes it even more despicable. if you HAVE to listen to his records the least you could do is buy them secondhand

#so glad curt never cut that record with him

186 notes

⭐️ glittersisgay

i got new boots! seeing the flaming creatures tonight :-) life is good

4 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼 wildemons Follow

sorry but the sladewild narrative is CRAAAAZY. like imagine you start off as a nobody performer and becoming enthralled by this rockstar after he shows up your act and you end up becoming famous by being inspired by his stage presence AND YOU BECOME FAMOUS ENOIGH TO GO TO AMERICA AND MEET THIS GUY AND YOUR LABELS START FABRICATING A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN U TWO TO GENERATE PUBLICITY FOR YOUR NEW ALBUM BUT THEN YOU ACTUALLY FALL IN LOVE AND HAVE TO KEEP IT A SECRET BUT THEN THE PAPARAZZI FINDS OUT AND YOU HAVE A HUGE FALLING OUT BUT THEN A FEW WEEKS LATER YOURE SPOTTED IN THE CROWD AT THE DEATH TO GLITTER SHOW

♻️ 🦷 roxytunes Follow

lmfao WHAT are you talking about. swear to god i’m sick of you invasive freaks trying to make things up about real peoples lives. the part about the labels trying to market slade and wild as a couple isn’t even true. yes they were heavily publicized as close friends but they never admitted to being in a relationship. also receipts on brian being at the death to glitter show???? stop spreading false information

♻️ 👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼 wildemons Follow

anyways watch out for my new sladewild maxwell demon tour era fic that will be published in my next zine 💋

#my mutual was literally next to him in the crowd.

58 notes

🪩 girlboydragdemon

at the Sombrero Club with the glamrocktuals YAYYYY

♻️ 🪩 girlboydragdemon

Hangover.

#we may have made. mistakes. #also we think brian slade’s former manager was in the booth behind us

11 notes

🌟 venusinpurrs

♻️ 🎸 balladofmaxwellsemen Follow

WHY ARE WE PITTING THREE BAD BITCHES AGAINST EACH OTHER

♻️🌟 venusinpurrs

better question WHY ARE VENUS IN FURS LOSING GUYS CMON ITS OBVIOUSLY THE RATS

♻️🌟 venusinpurrs

do you people hate dykes

244 notes

💋 jack-fairy-fan51 Follow

Anyone else feel like this Tommy stone guy showed up out of nowhere?

6 notes

❇️ 20th-cxntury-bxy

Well…. it’s been a fun time on the road with Malcolm & co. (@/theflamingcreatures) but in the months following the hoax and the death to glitter tribute I’ve been feeling more and more inclined to move on. idk. i know there’s still an active tumblr community but in the real life scene it feels like everyone’s just…. given up. I’ll be starting a new job soon and won’t have a lot of time to post. Might delete this blog in the near future. remember to support local shows and keep being yourself

#a.journal

0 notes

👨‍🎤 lipstickkissedelbowglove

word on the street is that mandy slade divorced brian???? lmao get his ass

♻️👨‍🎤 lipstickkissedelbowglove

[#finally i have a chance with her]

you’re funny if you think any of us on this site have an inkling of a chance with her

2,658 notes

🎸 balladofmaxwellsemen Follow

Just found this on the sidewalk. does anyone know what it is?

7 notes

[dearorpheus]

Are there any non-fiction you can recommend for people who are fascinated by your blog (especially the elements of dark eroticism, morbidity and horror)?

🖤 love that you are loving!

i will try to stick to non-fic (also refraining as best i can from re-recommending texts from previous asks but there is of course bound to be some overlap): - The Severed Head: Capital Visions, Julia Kristeva -> read about Aubrey Beardsley's illustrations for Salomé (x, x)

and supplement w Baudelaire's Une Martyre "in which the narrator lovingly contemplates the beauty of a woman's severed head at rest upon a nightstand"

- Masochism: Coldness and Cruelty & Venus in Furs, Deleuze - The Sadeian Woman: And the Ideology of Pornography, Angela Carter - Aesthetic Sexuality: A Literary History of Sadomasochism, Romana Byrne - Perverse Desire and the Ambiguous Icon, Allen S. Weiss - "Must We Burn Sade?", Simone de Beauvoir -> read also about Erzsébet Báthory, the Bloody Countess. supplement your readings with Borowcyzk's Immoral Tales (1973), Julie Delpy's The Countess (2009), Alejandra Pizarnik's La Condesa Sangrienta and/or, if you have the stomach for it:

Lorna's death in Hostel Pt II (2007), inspired by the Countess^

- Anaïs Nin's diaries + Henry and June - Abject Eroticism in Northern Renaissance Art, Yvonne Owens

Hans Baldung Grien "gave powerful visual expression to late medieval tropes and stereotypes, such as the poison maiden, venomous virgin, the Fall of Man, 'death and the maiden' and other motifs and eschatological themes, which mingled abject and erotic qualities in the female body"

- Satanic Feminism: Lucifer as the Liberator of Woman in Nineteenth-Century Culture, Per Faxneld - The Library of Esoterica's Witchcraft - the biographical Taschen on H.R. Giger's oeuvre—biomechanical, Lovecraftian-tentacular fused limbs, bodies, systems, overtly phallic/yonic symbology, darkly psychedelic... very much fantastically erotic; I have my eye on the 40th Anniversary Edition

Giger, as we know, having designed the xenomorph from the Alien (1979) series to have an intensely sexual evolution:

- DEFINITELY read about+explore ero guro (see also: Bataille's L'histoire de l'œil / Story of the Eye! though it is fiction)

brief introductory articles here and here but it's truly so rich and decadent... delve into it!! film, lit, manga, history, so on... -> watch Nagisa Ōshima's In The Realm Of The Senses (1976) too

- if you can read French by any chance, Le Corps Souillé (The Soiled Body) by Eric Falardeau looks incredible; if not, this excerpt alone is delightfully provocative even in isolation - similarly, L'espirit de plaisir: Une histoire de la sexualité et de l’érotisme au Japon (The Spirit of Pleasure: A History of Sexuality and Eroticism in Japan) by Philippe Pons and Pierre-François Souyri is something I'm hoping might see an English translation

^an excerpt from an interview with the authors

- The Art of Cruelty + The Red Parts, Maggie Nelson - Crucial Interventions: An Illustrated Treatise on the Principles & Practice of Nineteenth-Century Surgery, Richard Barnett - The Butchering Art, Lindsey Fitzharris - Death, Disease and Dissection, Suzie Grogan - The Theatre and Its Double, Antonin Artaud - Men, Women, and Chainsaws, Carol J. Clover - House of Psychotic Women, Kier-La Janisse - The Monstrous-Feminine, Barbara Creed - Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers, Sady Doyle - The Lady From The Black Lagoon, Mallory O'Meara

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Wedding (4) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three

A Little Space (ao3) - macdell (orphan_account)

Summary: Phil gets invited to a cousin's wedding. Dan comes, too.

An Alternative Bahamas Incident (ao3) - Do_it_with_the_Howell_Lesters

Summary: Phil is set to be the best man at his brother's wedding, but his mother insists on him bringing a real date. So obviously he asks Dan to be his fake boyfriend for the week. But can Phil’s heart really take that? Can Dan’s?

baby, if you wanna try (ao3) - sunflowerwitches (orphan_account)

Summary: wearing jewellery doesn't work in phil's favour when he sees friends that he hasn't seen in a while and they automatically assume he's engaged. engaged to dan

bet on love and let it ride (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: For once in his life, Dan decides not to overthink it.

details (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: And it was the right time, the right place.

Diamond Fire (ao3) - indistinct_echo

Summary: They put a ring on it.

every kiss is a cursive line (ao3) - phantasticworks (steddieworks)

Summary: Iydlmp Dan and Phil through the months of trials and tribulations it takes to plan a wedding… and the wedding itself. (Sort of)

Forever and Always (ao3) - KaytheJay

Summary: It is Dan and Phil's wedding.

Fur-Ever (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Dog dads Dan and Phil marry their dogs, in preparation for their own big day

i love you (ao3) - iamalwaystired

Summary: the fic where dan and phil plan their wedding

its just a dance, lover (ao3) - starlight_kth

Summary: When at his brother's wedding, Phil can't help but feel sad that he has no one to dance with. Briefly based off "Lover" by Taylor Swift

Shut Up and Dance (ao3) - spacemanlevi

Summary: Dan finds a beautiful man at a friends wedding, he just hopes he can work up the courage to ask for a dance.

Unveiled (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: Dan has been invited as a plus one for a friend to a strangers' wedding.

He's sure he'll feel out of place all night until he meets a handsome stranger at the bar.

“It’s a wedding. It’s the weirdest situation to meet anyone and it never ends with two people getting together. Let’s just be honest and say that we’re both feeling lonely."

Spanning the events of one eventful evening.

Viva Las Vegas (ao3) - evermorepeyton

Summary: Dan and Phil go to Las Vegas on October 19th. For what? Honestly, who knows? But maybe we should all seriously imagine it anyway.

We're getting Married! (ao3) - antiadvil

Summary: video title: We’re Getting Married!

uploaded: December 8, 2019 by AmazingPhil

description: We talk about our relationship with each other, our audience, and appropriate creator/audience boundaries. Sorry we couldn’t find a wedding venue that would fit three million people!

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas (ao3) - seagurl

Summary: There's just something about Vegas air that makes you think everything sounds like a smashing idea.

Even getting married.

Completely smashed.

Wild Tale (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: Dan’s wedding to long time sweetheart, Robert, was the day he had been planing for a long time. What could possibly go wrong?

words i never got to say (ao3) - dvp_95

Summary: There are a lot of people that Dan would hate to run into at this wedding, but he'd forgotten to prepare for his old best friend being there.

[slimybeth69]

Hello- this is my complete master list. (Things will be added as I write them.) It's 18+ ONLY, as almost all of my stories have a sexual theme or undertone.

Some of my work like my series Venus in Furs and A Small Spark vs A Great Forest can be rather dark, so check the tags and chapter warnings to save yourself some angst!!

If you're not a fan of the things I write, or the way I write-- please kindly move along! I still appreciate you.

AO3<- All of my fics can be found here.

My requests are on if anyone wants to send me some prompts! I love to see them, and it's a challenge- which I love. Send 'em my way. Don't be shy.

One Shots

Pretty Pink Nails - (Joelxf!reader)Joel gets you a special treat but it comes at a price. (smut, DD/lg dynamics, dark!Joel, referenced non-con, weird and uncomfortable age gap-- but legal)

Crybaby- (joelx f!reader) A foul mouthed Joel and you meet in the woods. And the things he does to you are filthy. In the best way possible. (Rough sex, spitting, humiliation, anal sex, anal virginity, dirty talk.

“i’ll be here”- (joel x f!reader) Joel makes sure your new years isn’t as lonely as your christmas. (pure fluff)

Longer Reads

Such Small Hands - (Joelxf!reader)The events that take place after Crybaby. (smut, graphic depictions of violence, referenced/implied SA, blood/gore, canon to the show)

Venus in Furs- (joel x f!reader) After saving your life and getting you back to Jackson, things with you and Joel feel different. While navigating this new life, raising a teenager with a man you think you know-- you run into someone unexpected. A sequal to Such Small Hands. (dark!joel, liar!joel, drunk!joel)

Que Será, Será - (au!joelx f!reader)It's almost twenty years after some weird outbreak almost happened but the CDC took care of that... Now you're living in Austin, Texas as an adult. What happens when you meet Joel Miller who hasn't been hardened and ruined by twenty years of murder and loss?

A Small Spark vs A Great Forest - frankie morales X +18 lady reader (no descriptions but has background) warnings: excplicit/smut (Minors DNI) toxic relationships (not frank), alcohol/smoking mentioned and used, twin flame connections, unhealthy obsessions, the use of little girl or Niñita (with no real defied age gap), other sad shit :(

Touch- (touch starved! din x reader) The Mandalorian is quite interested in what you've been doodling. What happens when he finds out?

COMING SOON

Thirst- (Marcus x f!reader) You were paid for... not uncommon in these times.... he want's you to do what though?

Director Dave- (Dave york x f!reader) Dave uses some interesting directing techniques to make sure that this years production of the community center play "A Christmas Carol" is the best show your small town has ever seen. Rating: Explicit Warnings: Corny smut. Fingering. Teasing. Weird dirty talk.

Coming Soon

drabble #1 - Joel/you drabble #2- Din/you drabble #3- drunk best man!Joel/ you crybaby universe drabble #1- Joel/you

[verbenaa]

Hi, I'm Chloe! I write both Astarion/Tav and Astarion/Reader fics! ⭒

I also post these works on my archive of our own account, under the username leadii. Feel free to follow along over there as well! Thank you so much for reading my fics, and I dearly hope you enjoy them!

♡ Please note that currently all works posted here contain some form of NSFW content. Minors, please do NOT read/interact! 18+ ONLY ♡

⋆⭒˚.⋆ updated 11/16/2024 ⋆⭒˚.⋆

✧· · ─── ·✧· ─── · ·✧

𝓂𝓊𝓁𝓉𝒾 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇

✧ to eden ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: Rin lays there, her back against the grass as she stares resolutely up at the sky overhead, little drops of dew like tiny diamonds hanging heavy from blades of grass.

“I have nothing to say to you, just so you know.” She refuses to look over to the place where Astarion lays mere inches from her as she says the words, but it doesn’t stop her from moving her hand to rest it down in the small gap of space between their bodies. 

It’s an offering, if nothing else, though it is one Rin doesn’t know if he will take.

“Well then, I suppose it’s a good thing that you so rarely have anything worthwhile to say.” Astarion’s words carry his usual unaffected haughtiness that has her eyes rolling despite herself, a small huff of annoyance escaping her lips. 

But as she feels the coolness of his skin against her own, clever fingers intertwining with her delicate ones using only the slightest bit of movement she thinks that maybe, just maybe there can also be a little room for hope in whatever this thing between them is.

✧· · ─── ·✧· ─── · ·✧

In which Astarion and Rin learn how to bridge the gap, because maybe all that distance between them isn’t quite so large as they once thought.

A semi-retelling of events; focused on themes of learning trust, intimacy, and perhaps even love.

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9

✧· · ─── ·✧· ─── · ·✧

𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓉𝓈

✧ air so deep and sweet ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: “You’re just utterly shameless, aren’t you?’ He tsks, “Seducing me away from my work like this." Astarion’s eyes rove your form laying beneath him in reverence, the silken strands of your hair spread like a halo around your face and your dress a mess around your waist.

✧ so that i may dream tonight ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: It was a special torture to be unable to touch him, you decide. You want nothing more than to brush your fingers through his curls as you come, to caress the delicate point at the top of his ears, feel the smoothness of his skin on your fingertips.

It feels absolutely filthy, to be tied up like this, your pleasure left to Astarion’s will as you are powerless to simply lay in wait for whatever he has in store.

✧ venus in furs ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: He’s always imagined you like this in his dreams, he thinks. Naked, dressed in rubies as red as the wine in your silver chalice, blood like pomegranate juice dripping from your lips, staining your mouth to match the red of your blood that colors his own.

✧ opus 4 (nothing compares to the sighs that fall from your lips) ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: “Have I mentioned how absolutely divine you look, darling?”

“Well, you did make the gown.” Your hand tangles in his hair, pressing him closer as you arch into him. He buries his face into your chest, kissing and licking at the skin bared to him above the low neckline.

“It’s quite easy when you have such a lovely muse.”

✧ to bask in your warmth ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: “I’m not the only one who would look lovely with ribbons around my wrists, you know.” Your eyes flick up to his own as you wet your lips at the thought—dear, sweet Astarion writhing below you with the same rosebud hue tracing his wrists to keep him pinned as he is able to do nothing but accept the love and pleasure you have to give him.

“Something you think about often, hm?” His lips quirk up in amusement, his eyes finding your own as he basks in the heat from your warm body tucked into his side, thinly veiled interest present in his gaze.

✧ silver and silk ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: “And we, my dear, have some very urgent business to attend to.” His expression is nothing short of devilish as he practically pushes her inside of the tiny closet and shuts the door behind them both, only waiting a mere moment before wrapping his arms around her waist and lowering his lips to her neck.

“Urgent, Astarion?” She rolls her eyes despite the loosening of her limbs underneath the feeling of his lips kissing down over her collarbone, mouthing at the exposed cleavage of her breasts before he lowers himself to the floor in front of her.

✧· · ─── ·✧· ─── · ·✧

In which Astarion finds it in his heart to help Rin work off some of her frustrations in a variety of ways. 

for kinktober 2024

✧ all my dreaming is only put to shame ao3

𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: She’s on a particular fantasy, one involving Astarion and some ribbon wrapped elegantly around her body with a touch only he is capable of as he brings her to her peak again and again and praise falls from his lips, when footsteps near her tent.

Footsteps that Rin is far too lost in her imagination to hear—unguarded and terribly vulnerable—especially when said person does not want to be heard, sneaking through the night with every bit of their prowess.

Her lips open on a silent moan and she's so very near completion when a voice cuts through the night, the exact one she had been fantasizing about.

“Well, now this is quite a surprise.”

✧· · ─── ·✧· ─── · ·✧

In which Astarion walks in on a decidedly private moment, but finds a way to make the most of it.

for kinktober 2024

[dead-dolphins]

Dear Reader,

As the year draws to a close and we step into the season of thanksgiving, I want to take a moment to share my deepest gratitude with my loyal readers. Your constant support has been a guiding light through both the challenges of the first half and the defining moments of the second. And now, as a token of appreciation, I'm excited to spread some holiday cheer with a Christmas Drabble Event!

You might be wondering: what exactly is that? Well, here's the fun part: I’ll be crafting personalized drabbles based on your festive prompts—just a little holiday magic to brighten your feeds! 🎁✨

How It Works:

Who Can Participate? Everyone! Whether you’re a long-time follower or just discovering my page, this event is for you. Feel free to share with your friends so we can spread the Christmas cheer! 🎄

What’s a Drabble? A drabble is a very short story, typically 100-1000 words long, that I’ll write based on your prompt. Think of it as a little holiday treat in story form! 🎉

How to Request a Drabble: To get your drabble, simply:

Send me an ask with the following: Prompt or Idea: Whatever you want but read the rules! Theme/Genre: (Optional) Want fluff, angst, humor, or a touch of holiday magic? Tell me what you're aiming for! Example: Prompt: “Mikasa and Eren are snowed in and arguing over how to decorate the cabin for Christmas.” Theme: Humor, lighthearted banter

Event Rules:

One Request Per Person: To keep it fair for everyone.

Identify Yourself: While anonymous requests are fine, think of a way to identify yourself (e.g., using an emoji or nickname like 'baby anon' or 'clover anon') so I can properly address you when posting.

Be Kind and Respectful: This is all about spreading holiday cheer and sharing the love in our fandom!

Patience Is Key: I’ll work hard to deliver your drabbles as quickly as possible, but keep in mind that it’s a busy season.

Word Limit: Drabbles will typically be 100-1000 words. If you have a preferred length within that range, feel free to note it. Requests exceeding 1k words won’t be accepted. If the event receives a high volume of asks, it will be capped at 15 drabbles.

Important Content Guidelines:

I Will Write:

Any headcanon or scenario you can think up! Whether it’s from AUs on my blog or your original ideas, I'm all in—just make sure the prompt comes from you.

I Won’t Write:

CHB content (the storyline isn’t developed enough for scenario requests).

TPP content set after the story’s conclusion (requests are limited to between the wedding chapter and Lucerys’ birth).

No content of the unreleased fics: Castles Crumbling, Mr. Senator, or Venus in Furs.

I won’t be creating prompts from scratch.

Important Dates:

Drabble Requests Opens: [11/19/2024]

Last Day for Requests: [11/22/2024]

Drabbles Will Be Posted: From December 25th, 2024 to January 6th, 2025!

Thank you in advance for joining in and making this year a bit brighter for me. Your support means the world, and I appreciate you more than words can say.

Much love and gratitude!

Ro.

[nessinborderland]

V-E-N-U-S (03)

Pairing: Rafe x plus size!Reader

Genre: smut, dark-ish fic

Word Count: 6 ,2k

Warnings ⚠️ Mildly Dubious Consent, Enemies to Lovers, more like Enemies to Enemies That Fuck tbh, Rafe Cameron Being an Asshole, mentions of bullying, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Rough Sex, Mentions of death of a parent, Drinking, Drug Use, Rafe needs therapy asap, fatphobia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: The nickname he had given you in 8th grade was supposed to be ironic. In Rafe’s defense, he used to be a pretty stupid and cruel fourteen-year-old, as most kids that age are. So yeah, nicknaming the fat and nerdy chick Venus – like the goddess of sex and beauty – had been pretty hilarious in young Rafe's opinion.

What he would've never guessed was how much that name would fit you now as a grown woman.

Notes: Here is part 3! Enjoy 💖

AO3 | Masterlist | Part 1

You felt like you could finally breathe when you set foot inside your house, the familiar scent of beef strogonoff making your stomach grumble as you realized you were starving. You knew it wasn’t healthy, but you rarely got hungry while working, doing a shift without much more than a granola bar and yogurt in your stomach.

But you were home now, and your body knew it, muscles relaxing and mouth salivating at the prospect of finally sitting down and having a nice meal. Maybe then you would forget about your shitty day – in particular your last conversation with Rafe. That had really soured your mood, a tension in your shoulders and neck that was starting to give you headaches.

Locking the door behind you, you dropped your backpack on a chair and sat on the floor with a tired exhale, taking off your shoes before fully laying down on the wooden surface, dust and dog fur in your hair be damned. Your whole body needed a break, your feet in particular; they always hurt like a bitch after a long shift of standing up and walking around.

The noise of loud indie rock came somewhere from the back of the house, and you could hear kid music and cartoons coming from the living room, just to your right. A tip-tapping sound from the hallway made you look up, and a smile stretched your lips as you were approached by the only family member to always greet you at the front door.

“Hey old man, how was your day?” you cooed as you sat up to pet K-Nine behind the ears, just how he liked it.

The old German Shepard mix wagged his tail from side to side as he excitedly tip-tapped his nails on the floor, trying to welcome you with a lick to the face that you promptly dodged with a chuckle. Your dad had let you pick K-Nine on your 10th birthday, and, in a way, this dog was like a part of your father that was still with you. It hurt watching him get older and start to prefer naps instead of long walks outside.

After a quick cuddle and a pet to his graying muzzle, you stood up and walked into the living room together, where your younger brother sat on the couch with his full attention on the TV.

“Hello, Kev,” you greeted when you passed by the couch, being completely ignored even when you ruffled his hair as you walked towards the open kitchen. “Bluey is that good huh?...” you muttered under your breath before smiling at your mother. “Hey, Mom, smells good!”

“Hey, sweets, you got home just in time,” greeted your mother, sending you a tired smile as she set the table. You hurried to help her, knowing that – no matter how tired you were – your mother would be ten times worse. “How was work today?”

“Work was okay, got some good tips,” you said as you took out the orange juice from the fridge and set it on the table. “How was your day?”

“Exhausting,” She said as she sat at the table with a tired sigh, a smile still on her lips. “But cleaning rich people’s houses does have its perks – Mrs. Lockwood gave me some good clothes her son doesn’t use anymore, so that’s one less thing I have to worry about – I swear that your brothers are growing like weeds.”

“That’s nice of her,” you said with a forced smile; your mom was always thankful for the things her employers at Figure 8 gave her, didn’t matter if they were second-hand or not – but you still remembered how kids used to bully you over it. You just hoped your brothers didn’t go through the same. “Have you been taking your new medication? Doctor Marsh said you weren’t supposed to feel this tired after a few weeks of taking it, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think it’s working,” she muttered with a shake of her head, eyes down on the napkin she was folding. “They help a bit with the pain, but I still feel so drained…”

“Maybe you should do some more exams?” you asked as you grabbed the plates and started serving the still piping hot food, the smell making your stomach grumble again. “We can go early tomorrow if you want, I only start work at five.”

“And mess even more with your college savings?” she asked in what you knew was a rhetorical tone. “I’m not doing that.” Then she turned to your younger brother, still watching his cartoons like they were the only thing in the room. “Kev, honey, go call your brother for dinner, please – Kevin, now.” Then she turned to you again. “Fibromyalgia won’t kill me, I can manage. Let’s just focus on getting you into college for now, I’m not having you stuck on this island waiting tables for the rest of your life.”

You gave her a resigned nod, setting the plates on the table before sitting down at your usual place in front of her, noticing the bags under her eyes and the silver in her hair – she had aged so much since being diagnosed two years ago. You didn’t like the fact that your mother refused to get all the help she needed; yes, there was no cure for her condition, but there were treatments to alleviate the symptoms, which she just refused to do if it involved touching your savings.

At times, it frustrated you more than just a little. You would rather your mother enjoyed her life comfortably with no pain than go to college; it was not like your major of choice was going anywhere, anyway.

The arrival of your brothers stopped you from pressing on the matter again, and dinner went by as it always went, with silly conversations that made you laugh and your worries disappear, allowing you to enjoy these little moments when everything was fine.

No work, no stress, no drama.

It was now almost ten-thirty in the evening, and your mother and Kevin were already long asleep while you relaxed on the couch with K-Nine sprawled belly up between you and David. Mom had only recently allowed him to watch scary movies, and the kid was obsessed, to say the least. So, it had become tradition, for the past few months, to watch a horror movie every Friday and Saturday night after dinner, which you were happy to oblige.

David was very noticeably going through puberty right now, and sometimes the only way to get him out of his room was to convince him to either go to the movies or watch something on the TV. Netflix was a luxury you were willing to pay for if it allowed you these special moments with him.

“Do you believe in demons?” David murmured as you watched the final shot of Annabelle in a glass enclosure fade to black before the credits rolled.

“Sure do,” you snorted as you stretched your stiff muscles with a yawn. “See them all the time at my job.”

The boy tilted his head to the side, brows furrowing.

“Uh, do you mean Kooks?”

“Kooks. Demons. They’re pretty much the same thing,” you replied with a specific person in mind. “Why? You scared?”

“I’m thirteen, of course I’m not scared,” he said with an eye roll that could match your own, helping you fold the blanket you had used before adding with a small shrug, “Just wondering…”

“Well, I don’t think we have to worry about demons, so you’re good.”

“Hmm…” He looked lost in thought as he hesitantly asked, “And what about ghosts? Do you think they’re real?”

“Not really.” Something sounded off, you could see it in his faraway gaze, the way he chewed on his bottom lip, shoulders sagged. “Why do you ask, Davie?”

He was quiet for a moment, and then he uttered, his bottom lip trembling, “I- I can’t remember Dad’s voice anymore… I think I’m forgetting Dad.”

“Aw, Davie.”

You pulled him against you, arms going around him as you held him in a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head when he hugged you back just as tight, his shoulders lightly shaking as he hid his face in the crook of your neck. He was growing up so fast; another year and he would be taller than you.

You said nothing as you let him cry, hugging him while rubbing his back, trying to ignore the lump in your throat. Even though you could cry, you wouldn’t do it now; he had seen you cry so much in the past, seen you sob and lose yourself as you grieved, not old enough to quite process everything that had happened, but old enough to hold you like you were holding him now.

It was your turn to support him through this.

He had been eight years old when your father died, just a little boy – which, in a way, made it so much worse for him. You had been fifteen and had almost died yourself, too deep in your own despair at the time to notice anyone else’s misery. But now you felt his pain as if it was your own. You were sure that if there were no pictures of your father around the house, his face would also start to blur from your memories.

“I think Mom might have some videos of Dad in a hard drive somewhere,” you said after some time in silence. “Why don’t we look for them tomorrow and watch them together?”

You heard him sniffle as he nodded, and you broke the embrace before gently guiding him out of the living room and saying goodnight to each other.

You watched as your brother opened the door of the room he shared with Kevin before getting inside, leaving it slightly ajar as he did every night, the shine of the night light (he still had nightmares sometimes) giving you some visual aid as you walked the dark hallway towards your own bedroom.

A sudden knock at the front door made you jump in place.

“Shh, boy, it’s okay,” you hushed your dog as he let out a bark from the living room, rushing after you as you hurried to check the peephole. Your brows furrowed, lips pursing as you noticed who was on the other side of the door.

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door to face none other than your cousin.

“Hey,” he said in a hushed tone before you could utter a word, looking at you with his hands in his pockets and a nervous expression on his face. “I know it’s late, but can we talk?”

You hesitated before giving him a nod and stepping outside, leaving the door unlocked behind you as you walked towards the front steps. You had a good guess as to why he was at your doorstep at this hour, and your shoulders tensed at the prospect of having this specific discussion right now.

“Fine,” you muttered as you moved to sit on the front step. “What do you wanna talk about?”

John B followed your lead and sat beside you, absently petting K-Nine behind the ears as the old dog lay down on the porch with a huff.

“JJ told me about you and Rafe.”

He was going straight to the subject. Good. The sooner you finished this, the sooner you could go to bed and pretend it never happened.

“What about me and Rafe?”

John B stopped petting the dog, fingers fidgeting as he started picking the old scraps of paint from the wooden step beneath him.

“Please don’t lie to me, V. Not about this.” You didn’t think you had ever heard John B say anything in such a serious tone, jaw clenched and mouth set in a straight line as his gaze locked on yours, eyes shining in the moonlight with something akin to concern. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. I know you would never have something with him even if he was the last man on earth, but I heard the rumors, so what the hell happened between you two?”

Your brows furrowed, his tone not lost to you as you tried to understand exactly the meaning behind his words.

“Wait, what- what are you talking about?” you asked after a moment of only staring at him, unsure of what to say. “What the hell did JJ tell you?”

“Last Saturday, at that Kook party, Rafe did something to you.” You looked at him in total confusion as he took your hands in his, his grip a little tighter than you would find comfortable. “He forced you, didn’t he? I saw the bruises, I saw the marks but I just thought…” he shook his head, tone turning frantic as you let out a nervous chuckle, at a complete loss for words as you realized what he was implying. He couldn’t be serious. “Did he drug you? Whatever he did, you have to tell me, tell the police. We can get him arrested. If- If you don’t want to do that maybe we can try to- to, I don’t know, but we can make him pay somehow.”

This was madness. This whole situation was ridiculous. Absolute insanity.

“John B, no, please stop–”

“No, no, no, you don’t have to be scared of him–”

“Johnathan, stop!” you snapped, tears stinging your eyes as you finally managed to pull your hands from his grip. “Whatever JJ told you, it’s not true. Rafe didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do, so stop whatever this is!”

He stared at you, eyes wide and mouth agape as understanding finally settled.

“What?”

“Rafe didn’t hurt me.”

His eyes flashed with anger, and an intrusive thought crossed your mind; it was almost like he preferred you had been assaulted.

“You actually willingly slept with him?”

The disgust was as clear in his voice as it was in his face, and you couldn’t stop yourself from recoiling in a sudden burst of shame. You were quick to push that emotion aside; you had nothing to be ashamed of.

“Even if I did, whatever my deal is with Rafe is between me and him. Not you and not JJ, so you can just stop getting in my business like I’m your responsibility. I’ve been dealing with Cameron for years now, he’s not your problem.”

“That’s the thing though, he is my problem!” he shouted, and you looked back at your house, afraid your family would be alerted by the ruckus. This was not a subject they needed to get involved in. “He’s always picking fights with us and treats Sarah like shit! Have you seen what he and Topper did to Pope the other day? He’s not a good guy and you know that so why the hell would you willingly spread your legs for him?”

“Hey, watch it!” your tone raised to match his own, index finger pointed at his chest as you pinned him down in a glare. K-Nine barked, sensing the rise in emotions. “You don’t get to talk to me like that!”

“What, am I lying?” his tone quieted, but the expression of anger on his face didn’t falter, hand raising to roughly push your own away. “Didn’t you go from hating him one minute to letting him fuck you the next? Like a–”

You felt the heat in your palm before you could even register what you had done. Tears stung in your eyes as you stared down at John B, who was cradling his cheek and looking at you with a mixture of shock, anger, and sadness in his hazel eyes.

“Get. Out. Of my house,” you commanded in between shaking breaths.

You stared down at each other for what felt like hours, neither of your saying a thing. You forced yourself to stop your lower lip from trembling, hiding your shaking hands behind your back as you finally broke eye contact, sure that you would erupt into tears if you stared at the disappointment in his eyes for one more second.

“Just leave,” you whispered as you made your way to the front door, not caring anymore if he left or not.

“He’ll hurt you.”

You halted, hand on the doorknob, glancing at him over his shoulder. Waiting.

“He’ll hurt you,” John B repeated, firmly this time, avoiding your eyes. Then he added, his tone so soft you barely understood the words “And when he does, you can count on me. Until then…”

You opened your mouth to say something, anything, but he was already walking away before you could utter a single sound.

«»«»«»«»«»

You rolled in bed for the hundredth time that night, your cousin’s words repeating themselves in your mind over and over and over, like a broken record that never stopped.

Didn’t you go from hating him one minute to letting him fuck you the next?

You had… hadn’t you? Against your better judgment, against your own principles, you had let Rafe touch you and kiss you in ways you never even thought he would want to. Rafe Cameron was an awful person, and that wasn’t a matter of opinion. He was entitled, cruel, temperamental, and prone to violence. You knew that. He had terrorized you for years and made your life a living hell; laughed at you, hurt you, made you cry more times than you could count, and still…that hadn’t stopped you from riding him and moaning for him as if your life depended on it, had it?

And now here you were, unable to sleep, with a tightness in your chest and a churning stomach that was starting to make you nauseous. You were exhausted from all the muffled crying you had done as soon as you got to your bedroom, your pillow stained with tears.

John B’s words hurt, making you feel even worse than you already felt. Part of you hated him a little, insulted and beyond upset by everything he had said. He had no right to act like that. Still, the other side of you cried in shame, wondering if he was right and if you really were being the stupid and undeniably wrong person in all of this mess.

I slapped him, for God’s sake!

That alone was enough reason to at least text him an apology, but you quickly stopped yourself from doing it. You were still too furious, wounds too fresh.

Your thoughts started spiraling out of control, and that tightness in your chest grew worse.

What if your mom found out?

What if your boss found out?

What if you lost your job and your family because of it?

What if you and John B’s relationship never recovered?

What if this stupid fucking mistake stopped you from going to college and making a better life for yourself and your family so you would be forced to work as a waitress for the rest of your life until you died alone on this island with no family and friends, only the police to discover your cat-eaten corpse?

What if, what if, what if?

You buried your face in your pillow with a grunt of frustration, wishing you could go back in time and murder Rafe Cameron in his sleep, just for good measure. Then none of this would’ve happened, and you could continue living your life without this particular storm hanging over your head.

Groaning at how stuffy your room felt, you kicked your sheets off of you before getting out of bed and walking straight to the chair in the corner of your room. Grabbing the pair of shorts and the hoodie laying on it, you hurriedly got dressed before making your way out of the house, phone and keys safely stored in your hoodie’s pocket.

You hesitated as you walked down the stairs of your front porch, unsure of where to go.

It was at times like this that you wished you had more friends; Nina had been abroad for two years (It would be four in the morning in Portugal, so it was not like you could call her now) and you doubted that JJ, Kie, Pope, or Sarah would want to hear anything you had to say, after what happened. A couple of other people came to mind, but you never contacted them unless sex was involved, and that was not what you wanted right now.

Sex was what got me into this mess in the first place.

The sounds of waves in the distance crashing against the shoreline caught your attention. You listened for a moment, taking a deep breath of the salty breeze, mind going blank for a blessed moment. Living this close to the ocean could be a curse some days, unwanted memories rushing to your mind if you let them take over; right now, however, you would like to think of it as a blessing.

You were strolling towards the Boneyard before you could give it much thought, hands stuffed in your pockets and hoodie over your head as the chilly coastline wind made you shiver despite the warm island weather.

Your ears perked as the sound of loud music and voices alerted you to a party nearby, right on the other side of the dunes. You could smell burning wood the closer you got, and it didn’t take you long to catch the sight of a bonfire, people laughing and dancing and drinking without a care in the world.

Exactly what you needed.

You approached the gathering with your eyes on the crackling fire, enjoying the way the dancing flames cast a glow over the sand, making it look the color of melted caramel under the moonlit sky. The sand under your naked feet was cool to the touch, and the seawater was thankfully far enough away for you to be able to relax.

Most people around you were familiar in one way or another, a fair mix of Kooks, Pogues, and Tourons that just wanted to enjoy their Friday night as much as you did. You walked through the party crowd, being mostly ignored besides the occasional wave or nod of recognition that you made sure to retribute.

Fortunately, you saw no unwanted faces that would make you instantly turn around and leave.

That made you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding; no one seemed to be talking about you or looking at you weirdly, and there was no one to ruin your night more than John B already had. Perfect.

Coming here was a good decision, you thought as you approached the kegs of beer, smiling as you recognized one of the guys handing out drinks.

“Hey, V.” Eli, a tall young man with short curly hair smiled at you as he handed you a full cup of beer before you even had to ask. “Haven’t seen you in a while. What have you been up to?”

“Oh, you know,” you shrugged as you took the cup from his hand, sipping the bitter drink, “just working and binge-watching shows on my days off. All very thrilling. You?”

“Same,” he chuckled, warm brown eyes looking almost golden in the light of the fire. “Just helping out at the cafe and surfing when I can. By the way, when are you passing by? My Mama keeps telling me to bring you over again, says she has some new books you might like.”

“Aw, she misses me?”

“C’mon, V, you know we all do,” he said, sending you a wink that made the corners of your lips twitch and a familiar heat take over your cheeks, the suggestion in his tone not being lost on you.

You really liked Eli, with his pretty smile and easy-going nature.

He had graduated two years before you, and you had gotten closer when you started spending your free time at his family’s cafe, staying whole afternoons reading or writing in their quaint little book corner. It didn’t take you long to develop a friendship, and before you knew it you were having your first kiss and experiencing your first time in his bed, in the apartment right above his shop. He had been kind and patient, and you really couldn’t have imagined a better way to lose your virginity.

But – even though you were aware that he liked you – you had never let your relationship evolve into something more than friends with benefits. Why ruin something that worked just fine?

“Maybe I’ll pass by on my next day off,” you said, and his eyes glinted. “Are you working on Monday?”

“I’m not, but I’ll be waiting there for you. Wanna go out and have lunch too? This new place just opened and–”

Your smile faltered, and he was quick to notice.

“No, no, I mean, just as friends,” Eli quickly clarified with an awkward chuckle. “I know you don’t want to change what we have and that’s fine by me. But, you know… we can hang out if you want and have a good time. We’re chill, right?”

Sometimes you wondered what was stopping you from getting into a relationship with a guy that was handsome, kind, shared so many of your interests, and knew how to please you in the best way. The problem wasn’t him, you were well aware of that. The problem was you and your fear of commitment.

Fuck that. You deserved something good in your life. And, right now, you really needed it.

“We are,” you answered, and you noticed relief softening his brow. “You know what, yeah, let’s plan something fun for Monday. How about–”

A heavy hand on your shoulder made you jump, and you stopped mid-sentence to look behind you, heart almost jolting out of your chest as you faced the last person you wanted to see at that moment.

“Rafe,” you muttered, glaring at his blue eyes before looking down at his hand, still on your shoulder. “Take your hand off me.”

“You’re in the way,” he simply said while dropping his hand to his side, nodding past you at the kegs of beer.

You said nothing, moving to stand next to Eli as Rafe passed by you and refilled his own cup. With a strange look at you and a glare sent in your friend’s direction, the blond left, and you followed him with your eyes as he walked away to the other side of the crowd, where he stood with his little gang of friends.

Of course he would be here, you thought as your hand reflexively squeezed the plastic cup in your hand. Luck was rarely on your side.

Maybe coming to this party hadn’t been a good idea, after all.

“That was weird,” uttered Eli, also looking in Rafe’s direction. “He could’ve gotten more beer right there.” He nodded in the direction of the other kegs, where no one stood in the way.

“Yeah, he just wanted to piss me off.”

“You’re still at each other’s throats then?”

“Yup.”

He hummed in response, and a weird moment passed where neither of you said a thing. You, for once, were too preoccupied with weighing the pros and cons of staying at a party with Rafe Cameron in your vicinity. The smart move right now would be to leave; you had no idea what would happen if both of you stayed. Then Eli spoke again, words coming out deliberately and slowly like he was thinking them carefully.

“You know that he’s not a good guy, right?”

You scoffed.

“You’re telling me that, of all people?”

“Just making sure…”

You let out a sigh, hand raising to brush over your face with a tired grunt.

“So, you heard about it too, huh?” you asked, hoping the irritation in your voice scared Eli enough so he wouldn’t ask too many questions.

“Yup,” he said, popping the ‘p’, eyes down as he kicked a tiny hill of sand. “Don’t know if it’s true and I don’t understand you if it is, but it’s none of my business so… just be careful, okay? He hangs around the wrong crowd sometimes, and, well,” he shrugged, “you know how he is.”

You glanced at Eli, taking in the way he rubbed the back of his neck, thinking his words through. Whatever he was implying, was said out of concern for your well-being, nothing more.

“Okay…” you started, unsure of what else to say. “Thanks for letting me know, but there’s no reason to worry. I can take care of myself.”

“I know.” He nodded once, and a pretty smile graced his lips again as he looked at you. “Now, about Monday…”

«»«»«»«»«»

You were more than just a little tipsy.

You stumbled over your own feet as you walked past the dunes, giggling to yourself as you remembered a joke you had said early in the evening, already so plastered that you had struggled to get the words out without laughing. You hadn’t really meant to get as drunk as you were, but before you knew it you were six cups past sobriety, dancing and singing at the top of your lungs with Eli and his friend group.

You felt amazing in your intoxicated high, barely remembering what had soured your mood in the first place. Eli had helped you forget, with his easy conversation and sense of humor, and his friends had welcomed you into their group without unwanted questions or weird looks sent your way.

Was exactly what you had been needing; and a long time overdue if you were being honest with yourself.

Not even Rafe had been able to smother your euphoria, despite the very noticeable glares sent your way throughout the night. After some time, you had even forgotten he was there, completely focused on enjoying the party to its fullest.

And damn you if you hadn’t succeeded.

It was now somewhere past two in the morning, and the exhaustion of your workday had gotten to you despite the alcohol in your bloodstream and your high spirits. So, you had said goodbye to Eli – with the promise to meet on Monday – and were currently making your way out of the Boneyard. A tiny voice in your brain warned you about the massive hangover that you would without a doubt suffer in the morning, but you lazily brushed it off; now was not the time to think about tomorrow.

Now all you wanted to do was lay down.

Lay down…

You fell to the sand with the grace of a newborn foal, giggling as you laid face up, eyes wandering lazily on the clear sky. It was spotted with shiny stars, one constellation more beautiful than another, and your eyes watered; looking at the night sky had always made you feel emotional.

I’ll sleep here tonight, you thought as you curled in on yourself, face towards the stars, fingers tapping on the sand out of rhythm with the music still playing from the party just on the other side of the dunes.

“‘Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling,” you drunkenly sang off-key as Cascada’s ‘Everytime We Touch’ played loudly. “And every time we kiss I swear I could fly.” You could still hear people sing and laugh from your spot in the middle of the sandbanks, and it almost made you want to go back there and stay until the sun rose.

But you really had to go to bed; or sleep right there, one of the two. Your head spun as you tried to sit up, so you let yourself lay down again with a huff.

That’s when you noticed someone approaching.

“You’re so fucking drunk.”

“Oh, pardon me, your Royal Highness,” you mocked with a snort, turning towards the voice to see Rafe Cameron standing just a few feet from you, hands in his pockets, “but this peasant doesn’t give a shit about what you think.” You couldn’t see his face well in the darkness – only the moon as a light source – but he was most likely looking down at you with a frown, as per usual. “Leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep.”

“Here?”

“I’m homeless, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Venus.”

“Rafe,” you laughed as you tried to imitate his baritone. “Oh, Venus, you’re so fucking drunk. Oh Venus, let me fuck you again.”

“You’re fucking annoying, that’s what you are.”

You didn’t even notice Rafe approaching you, letting out a yelp of surprise as you felt him pull you up before stumbling against his chest as dizziness took over you. You made a whiny noise as he started to half-push you, half-drag you away, a strong arm around your waist while the other grabbed you by the elbow.

“No, I don’t wanna leave!” you cried out as you tried to turn away from him and back to your spot on the sand.

“I’m not leaving you to sleep on the fucking beach, you moron.”

Now you were close enough to see the annoyed glare that he pinned you under, giggling at his pinched expression as you slapped his chest in a weak attempt to have him release you.

“Ugh, you’re so boring,” you whined, letting yourself fall in his arms when you realized he was not letting you go. “Okay okay, I know, let’s tell each other secrets!” You clapped your palms against his chest, pulling his shirt when he groaned. “C’mon I’ll go first: I hate you. Like really hate you. But-” you lowered your tone to a conspiratorial whisper, “having sex with you was really good – I still hate you, though.”

“Venus–”

“Shh, it’s a secret,” you giggled, putting a finger against his lips. “Now you.”

“I–”

“You have really pretty eyes, you know that?” you mumbled as you looked into his blue eyes, forgetting the game you had been one-sided playing. “It’s so unfair…”

Rafe let out a long sigh.

“Anything more you want to tell me?” he asked, hands steadying by your shoulders as you swayed in place.

“Hmm… nope.”

“Good, then let’s get you home.”

“Wait!” you exclaimed, pulling at his hand as you let yourself fall to the sand again, laughing as he fell on his knees beside you. “Let’s watch the stars.”

He sighed again.

“I’m so close to just leaving you here.”

“Good, then go, goodbye,” you said as you frowned at him, slapping his hand away when he tried to lift you again.

You heard him sigh a third time, followed by a sound of resignation before you watched him sit down beside you. With a grunt, you used his arm to pull yourself into a sitting position, leaning against his shoulder for support as you turned your neck to look up.

“Aren’t the stars so pretty?” you whispered, shaking his arm when a moment passed without an answer.

“Yeah, guess they are.”

You kept staring up, feeling your lids drop the more you looked at the mess of gold, red, and silver dots that painted the dark blue sky. It was all so beautiful. You felt… content, even with Rafe beside you. He was still an asshole and you still couldn’t stand him, but he wasn’t being himself right now, for some weird reason your intoxicated brain couldn’t even wonder about.

Rafe cleared his throat beside you, snapping you out of your stupor.

“Can we go now?”

“Wait…” you murmured, closing your eyes for a moment as you took a deep breath of the clean ocean breeze. “Okay, we can go now.”

“Finally.”

He pulled you up and you yelped as you tripped over your own feet, allowing him to hold you straight against his chest. You looked up at his face, and a sudden thought made you bite your bottom lip.

No, don’t do it, warned a voice in the back of your mind that you promptly ignored.

Kissing Rafe felt… nice. Better than nice. You had thought so too when you had been naked under him just a week prior, moaning against his soft lips as he fucked you in a way you had never been fucked before.

Now felt no different.

You moaned into the kiss, intertwining your arms behind his neck as you pulled him closer, fingers tangling in his soft blond locks. One of his arms went around your waist, pulling you flat against his body as a hand cupped your cheek, forcing you to deepen the kiss. You did so gladly, enjoying the feel of his tongue against yours, shivering as his teeth swiftly pulled at your bottom lip.

You let yourself enjoy it, the possible outcome of it all pushed to the back of your mind. All you wanted right now was to kiss him, consequences be damned. You would deal with those when you were sober.

Rafe was the one breaking the kiss, and you almost cried as he lightly pushed you away. You wanted more than just one kiss, at this point, an insisting heat making you squeeze your thighs together.

“C’mon, you little tease,” he said, chuckling as you whined and tried to chase after his mouth. “Let’s get you home.”

«»«»«»«»«»

Part 4 ->

[zialinart]

Mon cadeau secret santa pour @saemi-the-dreamer ptit dessin et ptite fic même si bon, j'écris pas beaucoup donc c'est sûrement un peu bancal

Il était déjà la fin de l'après midi quand Arthur commença sérieusement à s'impatienter. Ca faisait au moins 3 bonnes heures que lui, une bonne partie des représentants les plus importants du monde breton et des délégations venues d'autres pays pour l'occasion attendaient. Et encore eux ils avaient la chance d'être assis, lui commençait à avoir sérieusement mal aux pieds. Et bon sang la couronne de fleur que Guenièvre avait insisté à lui faire porter lui grattait sérieusement le crâne. Il se tourna une fois de plus vers Perceval qui, tenant son rôle de témoin très sérieusement se tenait totalement immobile, les mains croisées :

Non mais bordel qu'est-ce qu'ils foutent ?

Vous voulez que j'aille me renseigner sire ?

Vous voulez dire comme les trois autres fois où vous êtes allés vous renseigner et vous êtes revenus bredouille ? Je sais pas vous vous sentez capables de trouver le chemin des vestiaires cette fois ou je vous colle un intendant pour vous accompagner ?

Non mais les autres fois je suis tombé sur Karadoc ça m'a perturbé, là c'est bon il est assis y'a pas de mouron à se faire sire.

Ok mais dépêchez vous, et dites leur de se bouger aussi ou je sens que l'église va se transformer en un champ de bataille romain-visigoth

De son point de vue il pouvait observer toute la salle et voyait clairement que des alliances commençaient à se défaire au fur et à mesure que les gens s'impatientaient. Les représentants des pays qui parlaient la même langue étaient très agités et parlaient de plus en plus fort, semblant ne pas s'entendre sur le goût du vin, dont ils avaient probablement déjà un peu abusé. D'un côté c'était la seule chose à faire en attendant. Perceval partit se renseigner et Arthur alla se chercher une coupe lui-même, histoire d'actionner un peu ses jambes. Il avait été plutôt fier de son idée de renouveller son mariage avec Guenièvre à la mode catholique, en invitant les plus grands noms du coin afin de montrer qu'il était revenu en tant que roi et que le royaume se portait bien désormais. Mais maintenant qu'il était là, face à tout ce monde qui s'impatientait, il se sentait plutôt nerveux. Bon sang qu'est-ce qu'elle foutait ? C'était pas si foutu compliqué d'enfiler une robe potable pour l'occasion, de se faire un peu tresser les cheveux et boum, mariage et on n'en parle plus.

Qu'est-ce que vous foutez retournez à votre place espèce de trou du fion !

La voix de sa belle mère resonna derrière lui tandis qu'il se servait un verre. Ah, au moins si elle était sortie du vestiaire c'est que c'était bientôt fini

En attendant que votre fille daigne se montrer faut bien que je m'occupe

Oui, bah c'est bon vous vous êtes occupés retournez à l'autel, là Elle le poussa vers le fond de l'église tandis qu'il protestait

Faites gaffe bordel c'est un costume spécial pour l'occasion j'ai pas envie de le tâcher en renversant du vin

Vous avez qu'à pas faire votre poivrot au moins pour une soirée. Pis toute façon croyez moi vous aurez pas besoin d'alcool quand vous la verrez.

Elle le laisse planté là, retourna s'asseoir auprès de Léodagan et secoua celui-ci qui s'était endormi sur son banc. Arthur prit une gorgée de vin en réfléchissant à ces dernières paroles étranges. Oui ok, il avait été assez peu discret ces derniers temps sur les regards qu'il lançait à Guenièvre mais enfin de là à ce que sa belle mère le remarque. Le goût acre du vin le fit hoqueter et il s'énerva mentalement sur les paysans qui n'étaient même pas capables de fournir un vin correct pour le mariage de leur roi. A ce moment là Perceval revint, accompagné de Bohort, l'un en bleu, l'autre en vert pour représenter les deux parties du mariage. Pourquoi Guenièvre avait choisi Bohort comme témoin ça le dépassait, après tout il ne les pensait pas si proches. Mais d'un autre côté il n'avait pas été tellement attentif aux passes temps et aux amis de sa femme durant le temps qu'il avaient passé ensemble. Il se promit mentalement de changer ça.

Ah bah c'est pas trop tôt c'est bon elle va venir ou il faut que je reporte à après-demain ?

C'est bon, c'est bon sire, dit Bohort avec un sourire jusqu'aux oreilles. Sauf votre respect vous allez être plutôt impressionné de ce qu'on a fait avec du simple tissu

Je m'en fous un peu de votre tissu Bohort j'aimerais bien commencer le processus pour que les gens finissent pas par s'étriper dans une église.

Bohort se rangea du côté de la mariée, toujours souriant, et Arthur remarqua que Léodagan s'était eclipsé, sans doute pour pouvoir accompagner la mariée jusqu'à l'autel, c'était bon signe. Même si bon, ils étaient déjà mariés depuis 30 piges techniquement il n'avait pas vraiment sa main à lui donner. Il sursauta alors qu'un orgue commença à résonner dans la salle. Ils avaient un orgue dans le coin ? Encore un détail qui luil avait échappé. Il déposa son verre de vin sur le côté tandis que les invités se levaient, certains de façon un peu vacillante. Deux petites filles apparurent du fond de la salle et dispersèrent des pétales de rose tout le long de l'allée. Et puis elle apparut au bras de son père. Sa machoire tomba et il oublia tout. Les trois heures d'attente, les invités qui s'engueulaient, le vin dégueu, même ses pieds. Elle était vêtue d'une robe en tulle blanche recouverte de fleurs bleues jusqu'à la taille. Ses cheveux lui tombaient sur les épaules en cascade, avec seulement une couronne de fleurs similaire à la sienne sur la tête. Elle était magnifique. Elle arriva à sa hauteur et Léodagan lui donna sa main et retourna s'asseoir. Elle lui sourit timidement tandis que le prêtre se mettait en position.

Vous dites rien ?

Je euh Pour une fois il était sans voix, tout juste capable de la parcourir du regard bouche bée.

C'est les fleurs c'est ça ? J'ai dit à Bohort que ça faisait trop mais il était sûr que c'était la mode et puis Merlin les a fait pousser exprès et du coup…

Il lui posa un doigt sur la bouche avant qu'elle ne s'emballe trop.

Vous êtes parfaite, réussit-il seulement à murmurer

Son visage s'illumina et elle rougit un peu.

Il sourit à son tour réalisant que la cérémonie lui tenait finalement plus à coeur qu'il ne le pensait. Leur premier mariage avait été un simulacre politique. Celui-ci était un mariage d'amour.