#so forgive if it seems off

[ferniliciousness]

I don't know why, but the idea of just Garrus' crew of mercenaries sitting around and gossiping brings me so much joy. Especially the married ones, you can't tell me the wives didn't want at least some tea, you can only talk about so much when you're a part of a top secret vigilante group lmao.

N7month day 11 prompt: Crew

Gold paint drips onto a work table, falling from an outstretched brush which hovers over a piece of armor. A soft hum of music plays from Gaia's headphones as she puts on the finishing touches of paint. Archangel's symbol, now perfectly placed on Erash's rerebrace, shimmers in the light as she holds up her handiwork.

"Gaia? What are you still doing here? I thought you would have left by now." Garrus' familiar voice rumbles next to her, as the turian leans over the table to look at her work. "You don't have to stay here all day you know? I'm sure you have plenty of work to do at your shop and you've already finished the work we had for you."

"Please Garrus, I'm so bored at the shop. Lunette and Kellic have literally left me with nothing to do there. I swear they run that place better without me; I mean, I'm not complaining, but some days I do wish they would leave me something to do."

"Now, hold still." With fresh paint on her brush, Gaia quickly grabs a hold of Garrus' arm, he wasn't getting away from her this time.

"Gaia really?" The surprise quickly fades from his face as he sees what she's doing.

"Oh be quiet. It's your own fault. You're never out of this armor long enough for me to paint it, and you're the only one I have left now that I'm done with Erash's. Dont worry I'll be quick, only, if you can manage to hold still for a minute."

Garrus mumbles something under his breath, but he concedes to her wishes, holding his arm still while she paints. "Isn't there an easier way of doing this? That doesn't involve paint."

"Youre looking at it." Gaia meticulously places every brush stroke, making sure that it looks perfect. "This is basically like a metal stain. It will flake off in a day or two and leave the design behind, then nothing will be able to take it off. I mean unless you just gouge it out, but if you're getting damaged enough for that to happen I think you have other worries besides ruining the symbol."

"Say, Sidonis? Is it, you know, common, for Turians and humans to get together? Like have you seen it happen before?"

"Well that's a random question." Sidonis places a card down onto the table, where he and Butler were playing a quick card game. "I've never seen it happen, but I've looked at enough Fornax covers to know it does. Why? I thought you were happily married?"

"Oh god no, not me you idiot. Look." Butler quickly gestures over to the table where Gaia is still painting on Garrus' arm. "Look at those two over there. You can't tell me they wouldn't make a good match. Heaven knows the two could use some uh, company."

Sidonis can't help but look at his friend in utter disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me." A loud sigh escapes him. "I think you have picked the most unlikely pair of them all. Those two never stop working long enough to even relax, let alone think about romance.... IF there is any romance between them at all. Which I seriously doubt. Maybe try your luck with someone else.... "

"Who are you talking about? Garrus and Gaia?" The Salarian member Melanis spoke up from behind his workbench. "Hmm, Gaia never struck me as the romance type. Always treats that topic more like a Salarian than a human. I agree with Sidonis on this one. Maybe you should leave the match making to someone else Butler. I would think you would know better by now."

"That Gaia has broken more hearts on Omega than I can count." Vortash can't stay out of the conversation, even as the batarian works away on his terminal.

"Really! Gaia?! I can't see her being a heartbreaker?" Butler sounds surprised as he and Sidonis look up from their game.

"Please. Gaia had nearly every young Merc on the station pining for her when she was making runs, hell I heard even her own crew wanted a piece of her. She never paid them any attention though. I wouldn't be surprised if Melanis was right, she might just not be the type for.... All that."

"How did Gaia ever get that many mercs going for her? I can hardly see her being their type. She's just so.... Not a psychopathic killer." Melanis leaving his work, walks over to continue talking with the group.

"You should have seen her when she was in her smuggler days. I know half those stories about her probably aren't true, but even so, I know no one dared mess with her. Plus her family name definitely helps hype up the image."

"Now, now Vortash. Are you sure we're talking about the same Gaia? The one currently painting fancy designs on our armor, the girl who owns a small shop down in the market... that Gaia.... Is the same Gaia?"

"Oh, you didn't see her when we took down that Blood Pack weapons cache. That girl definitely knows her way around a rifle." Sidonis speaks up, remembering when Gaia had helped him and Garrus find and infiltrate the gang camp. "Let's just say I'm glad she's on our side. She might not look like it but that girl packs a punch."

"I swear I think all of you are just crazy." Butler can only shake his head and return to his cards, while the rest of the group laughs at his disbelief. "I still think they would make a good couple, mark my words."

"Yeah, yeah, if you say so. Just don't be surprised if your wrong... Again. Leave them be Butler, those two have enough on their plates as it is without you playing matchmaker." Sidonis joins him again, and the hideout returns to the quiet.

[mochasucculent]

Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in

[shroomerr]

minor spoilers for @mantequillamcwhoremick ‘s fic Chaos Plan, Chapter 20!!

How I pictured that one moment in chapter 20 when Kenny spotted Kyle and Stan

[bumblingbabooshka]

Between some of Tuvok's favorite music being monks chanting, having a copy of a proto-Vulcan drama in his quarters, reciting poetry that no one else likes (his own? someone else's? unclear: It's a talent night which implies the former but the two who mention it say 'Vulcan poetry' - not 'His/Tuvok's poetry') buying a meditation lamp from a Vulcan master even though the guy doubled the price on him last minute, the fact that he's always reading alone in the mess hall and wants others to know he stands apart from them (taking steps to ensure this is the case), and that he's memorized The Dictates of Poetics by T'hain of Vulcan (being very opinionated about them), I feel like we the audience can cobble together a lot about his taste in media and that's honestly so special. He also likes and actively follows sumo wrestling. That's important. Not because it adds or subtracts to what I've said above but because I think it's kind of funny. He, Janeway, and Chakotay all just really like sumo.

[katoska]

I just realised that growing up, no adult in my life ever tried to name my emotions from context clues. Like, I was either "fine" or "upset", but the only out-loud assumption about the latter was that I was trying to get attention or being stubborn. There was no "aw, did you get scared by the dog" or "sorry that you are disappointed we're not going to the park, but the weather is too bad, ok? If it clears up, we can go tomorrow", or "you're crying cause you didn't get vaccinated in daycare today like many of the other kids did? Like, are you jealous? Or relieved?"

It was all just, as my Mum calls it, either "Böckchen" (german for "little goat" aka kiddie-typical stubborness) or attention-seeking. Like, mind you, I ofc did those too, bc all kids do, but my point is that whenever I was crying as a little kid and people asked why, all I could say was that it's cause my throat hurt. Cause crying does make my throat hurt, and describing physical hurt was the only language I had. And the adults and other kids just left it at that.

And I guess I could have picked up some emotional vocabulary from kids who were better at it than me, but kids don't exactly want to hang around someone who has far less emotional maturity than themselves and is prone to inexplicable (to me, and usually them, not necessarily the adults around us, though as I said those adults didn't explain shit) bouts of crying.

And I don't think this is just a case of my parents being flawed of me happening to have bad care-takers outside the family. Many adults just generally don't expect kids to have the same emotions as they do, and so fail to treat them with respect. Which includes making reasonable and kind assumptions about their emotional states (eg not automatically assume that crying is an attempt at manipulation).

[umbral-stigmata-unbound]

Character Headcanon Meme | Open

@sixvisxpacem asked: For the character meme: Vincent, Sephiroth, Genesis, and Cloud~~

Thank you! Here we go! Now of course these are headcanons so, this is what I read and semi want from the characters, while recognizing it's likely not the intentions of the creators.

Vincent

Sexuality Headcanon: It took years of growing up in fandom of course to come to this conclusion, because you grow up with the conditioned straight-by-default assumption, and his only canon subject of his romantic love being Lucrecia, I just labeled him as straight, even as I began roleplaying as him officially on here. But the more I interacted with Roleplayers, and let my more natural state of bi/pan until otherwise confirmed mindset I have with characters now, and honestly more especially thanks to @skadren getting me into Strifentine, I have come to full accept that he is pan. My usually experience when writing him is he knew around his teens about his inclination towards men, but felt the weight of expectations and he just didn't really explore it. At least not on his own. Now when the right man would present himself, it's harder to ignore (*cough cough* Veld *Cough*). But absolutely Pan, for me.

Gender Headcanon: Cismale, personally.

A ship I have with said character: STRIFENTINE, STRIFENTINE, STRIFENTINE. Sorry, ahem. But yeah, that is the TOP ship for Vincent for me. Though I haven't been able to explore it in my own writing, VinVeld is right up there. As is Vinesis. Those are probably my top ships for Vincent. I have other ships, too, but they're lesser or more random due to RP. Honorable mention, VincentxReeve, because Dirge era.

A BROTP I have with said character: Reeve and Vincent are a fun brotp, and I'm extremely fond of their dynamic due to Dirge, and just the layers given their past with the company. Other than that, I don't see him vibing close with many apart from Cloud, but I always see them with ship lens lmao. But they work as really good friends, too, as they can generally be perfect support. I like the idea of him having a dynamic with Tifa, too. It wouldn't be as deep as the others, but perhaps they could relate on unique levels, he could give sort of mentor vibes, and she could be a gentleness (they totally gossip about Cloud). Maybe I could see a unique buddy thing that'd be funny, with Cid? But for me it's not strong enough to be BROTP worthy.

A NOTP I have with said character: Cid/Valenwind. No offense to shippers! I understand the appeal! But it's just not for me, for OG Cid reasons, and just because it's not my vibe. Beyond that, I guess Lucrecia x Vincent, for the reasons stated above. It's fun to explore in it's toxicity, but I'd never actively ship it.

A random headcanon: I don't have many that aren't shared by most heavy Vincent fans, so I'll just throw my recent one. Connected to the Rebirth encouraged headcanon, thanks to the decoration of Vincent's coffin, that the cerberus emblem from Dirge is a Valentine family crest, I sort of had another idea one day. Just watching clips with him using Cerberus and wondering when he got it, because he never got that gun in OG to my memory, but he has it by the time Advent events happen, and still has it going into Dirge (and which the game is named after), where did he find it? He doesn't have all the emblem shit in AC, save for the keychain, until dirge. So when did he get Cerberus? with the crest idea, it feels like it had to be intentional so would Vincent have taken time to commission and purchase a gun? Or what if Grimoire commissioned it before he passed, and after he and Vincent had been estranged for some time. Vincent's thriving as a Turk, and surely Grimoire kept enough tabs to know his specialty. Perhaps he was looking for the day he could make amends, and Cerberus was going to be a part of that. A gift with the weight and legacy of the Valentine name, a reminder of the legacy but the love there, but fitted to the life Vincent had chosen? Of course, he never got around to giving it. Perhaps Vincent found it, realized it for what it was, and lowly started implementing the crest more for various reasons (like bitch got it on his phone. him and Cloud both, wearing their canine symbolism and the weight that comes with it).

General Opinion over said character: Good god, that headcanon took up too much space so I don't wanna overload you guys but FUCK I LOVE HIM. I loved him when I was younger for the simplest, vibiest and superficial reasons and every year I got older, I came to appreciate him for more and more layers. I love his tragedy, I love his layers. The trauma, the otherness he is stuck with, the spook vibes, his relationships with others, his humor, his attitude, his wit. I just adore him. He is such a full character. There's too much to say about him honestly.

Sephiroth

Sexuality Headcanon: Gay/Demi/Ace spectrum, I've never really settled. There is not a lady lover layer in Sephiroth, except loving his mother. But yeah, it's homosexual in his inclination, but I don't see him feeling sexual desire or attraction without depth of relationship and either deep trust, or something just as intense but more twisted.

Gender Headcanon: Eh? Is that a gender? He is what the company told him he was, that's really where his mind is on that matter. It doesn't matter to him. He presents male, he accepts such pronouns, isn't generally inclined to they or she/her pronouns, but he doesn't feel like he's JUST Cismale. He's beyond that, is all I can say?

A ship I have with said character: Sefikura and Sephesis are constantly sitting upon the same pedestal XD for a few years Sefikura had the spot alone, but Sephesis has been claiming more room, but it's awkward sharing at this point XD I explore random or crackships through roleplaying sometimes, but these are the ships I'm most passionate about for Sephiroth, and the ships I think have the most depth. I did ship SephxAerith off and on for a while, and I flip flop between adoring the doomed lab sibling dynamic and the romantic layered version of that, but it's not high up there, and it's the only acception RARELY and not much anymore to the 'not a lady lover' rule. OH! And Seph and Zack, some delicious tragedy.

A BROTP I have with said character: Aerith and Sephiroth, k. Lab siblings, and what if they were able to remember and reflect on their past while being two sides to the same tragic coin? Zack and Seph are great, too, even if very sad because it feels like most of their friendship is just a stand in for what they both lost. I won't list Genesis and Angeal because though they are his friends, his dynamic with them is so complicated and beyond bros. I've also always wondered (before the Glenn layers) what his dynamic would've been with Rufus, if they ever interacted? I wouldn't call them bros XD but like, ShinRa's twisted and locked away heir, and their shining weapon acting as their puppet? Would've been interesting. So I enjoy the interactions in Rebirth.

A NOTP I have with said character: Sephgeal. Sorry? ^^; I mean, I see it. I could have shipped it a little before, but due to just the real layered character Angeal is and how actual story telling tells one story and fan content depicts something else, active shipping doesn't interest me. Same with SAG, or the addition of Zack and Cloud in there alongside the other two. Maybe that dynamic can be done well, and i found it fascinating when I started getting into the rp and fic community of this fandom but not much anymore. Beyond that, not sure I have any others. at least none I've heard of lol

A random headcanon: The man needs a trustworthy dom in his life. This is sort of silly, and yes it applies sexually, but can also apply in other situations. Like, someone that could fulfill that position in a healthy fashion, encourage him to take initiative where he needs to and where ShinRa trained him not to, but to give him an outlet to just...give up his power and be taken care of, for him. To be told what to do, but for his own comfort, and satisfaction. Not for the greed of others. Not for pain or power or anything like that. It would likely be a process, to even admit that it would do him good and tha the could enjoy it, much less him getting used to given in like that. He's used to being under orders, and he's used to the power he's allowed. Post-The Crisis shit, he's also going to extremes to BE the ABSOLUTE power, to be beyond the control of ShinRa and their lies among other things. So yeah, it wouldn't be easy. But I think it'd be beneficial.

General Opinion over said character: I adore him, almost as much as Vincent. My understanding and love has grown over the last decade, and he has become such a treasured muse and character. I love his humanity, his flaws, I love his cruelty, his unhinged fate, I love the tragedy of him just...wanting to hold tight to his friends and to survive what they were going through, only to be left behind. He's so fucking complicated, and yes he's absolutely the villain, but he's also the villain as a result of others. ShinRa, Hojo, Jenova and her influence, and the little mistakes of others that pushed him. He is absolutely wrong for the devastation he caused and continues to be willing to cause, and yet also he has never did anything wrong and even if he did, he deserves to, so there.

Just gotta say, a disclaimer with these next two, I may not have fully developed ideas, nor confidence and experience like the two characters previous answers, given my lack of writing them, but still, here we go!

Genesis

Sexuality Headcanon: Gay gay gay. Maybe Demi a bit too? But definitely not a layer of lady loving there.

Gender Headcanon: Male, generally. I do see and sometimes adopt the transmasc/transmale headcanon, but only when it applies in a healthy, proper fashion--as others have said, it's fucked up when it's only applied in a sense of trying to say he's feminine for racist or other screwed up reasons. He at the very least, for me, is never bound to stupid societal expectations of male expression.

A ship I have with said character: SEPHESIS. Absolutely. I have so many tears over these two, man. I hurt. I love. I also enjoy the idea of him with Vincent. I enjoy the idea of him with Cloud. I deeply enjoy the idea of him with both. Beyond that, I don't know that I've shipped him with many others? For some reason Reno is popping up, at least for crack shit lmao. it wouldn't last

A BROTP I have with said character: Vincent. The vibes, the drama, the scholarly vibes. Their likely shared immortality and ties to the planet. I'd love to see him vibe with a Turk, I'm just not sure who would be most fitting XD Zack would be interesting, too, ya know, after main events if they could've both survived.

A NOTP I have with said character: Angeal and Genesis, and the poly ship mentioned with Seph. Just not my vibe for him.

A random headcanon: This borders on Sephesis-shippy and I've expressed it before, and it's nothing Genesis would be aware of, but in my lil brain, Sephiroth is just about as in awe of Genesis as Gen was/is of him coming into ShinRa. Seph's awe develops over time, but I also imagine it being more and more rapid. Just...Genesis is so fucking skilled, and I imagined fairly self-trained before joining. Sure, he's got a lot to learn going into the SOLDIER program, and yes I'm aware his origins amplify his potential to some degree, but Genesis is very self made. I imagine he taught himself to sword fight a little bit before joining. I imagine he taught himself magic and continued to do so outside of how ShinRa trained it, because he's one of the few to seem to weild materia elements more expressively than simple attacks. He's an absolute mage. His brilliant, his well read, he has so much potential and I just....see Sephiroth looking at him, and himself, and recognizing, he himself was FORGED into the weapon he is by ShinRa, meeting their standards and mostly staying in their set boxes. He is amazing, because he has to be, and he just did as he was told. But Genesis...? He CHOSE to became what he is, he chose his skill, he chose how to mold himself and he did so. And he stands out from all others. Sephiroth would likely keep it to himself, except when it would seem beneficial to offer commentary, but I really do believe Sephiroth would be absolutely amazed by Genesis (and smitten before he realizes it, and never gets around to doing anything about before the training incident).

General Opinion over said character: I adore him. I did not appreciate him the way he deserves until recent years, but thank goodness I've surrounded myself with brilliant fans that have broadened my awareness. Because fuck, I love him. His chaos, his revenge (that was far more deserved than what Sephiroth ended up doing, even if it still went too far in ways). His mind, his skill, his style, his beautiful fucking visage, like fucking hell. He is just amazing, and misunderstood, and wrongfully hated, even by some fans that say they're fans of him. God I lost braincells against some real haters in a facebook comment section on some Sephiroth art that had the banora white in the pic. people villainizing and mischaracterizing him...fuck, I think really made me realize how in love i'd fallen with the character, was in having to defend him from such rampant stupidity.

Cloud

Sexuality Headcanon: Bi/Pan, but also Demi. Has to really develop bonds before much can develop, though there can be occasional attraction without connections. I do believe he is attracted to and can love female characters, and in another ask, I detailed my complicated opinions about my headcanon version of his dynamic with his main two female love interests (i say headcanon because despite it seeming obvious to me, the canon intentions say otherwise). but i also see him being attracted to and falling for men feel like he has a longer potential list for man-crushes than he does women.

Gender Headcanon: Eh. This is one of those situations, like Gen, I'm not as versed in him beyond fanfic portrayal to be feel super experienced but. Through my perception of him and suggestions I've percieved from RP partners, I see him as male for the most part. He's not in the don't give a fuck, i exist beyond gender mindset of Seph. But I feel like he's somewhere between male and agender? Can express himself, or might have desire to express himself, beyond societal norms of male expression but also hasn't been in a state of his own mind to feel himself enough to have chance to express it.

A ship I have with said character: STRIFENTINE STRIFENTINE STRIFENTINE. Obviously. Sefikura was the first, and the big one, and I still ship it pretty hard but....Strifentine just sort of wins out lmao. Also ship him with Gen. Ship him with Zack on occasions. I don't actively ship him with females, beyond usually crossing paths with content or seeing stuff play out in canon, but it's not very active. The most active I get with Cloti is on my shippy mothers' behalf.

A BROTP I have with said character: Vincent, if not shippy. I kind of like the change of dynamic and the deepening of his bond with Barret. Zack, obviously. Also like the idea of him having a dynamic with Reeve, too. Aerith is his personal gremlin. Tifa is the original friend but that's all so very complicated that it's hard for me to define it as bro level friendship? Also, in a world where he survived and lived a new unusual life, Kadaj. I just feel like there's a lot they could talk about, when Kadaj isn't causing mayhem not to mention his height, some of the way he fights recklessly, his percieved age being 15/16 like the same age as the trooper that ended Sephiroth, just makes him feel like if a shred of sephiroth became a hater and idolized Cloud.

A NOTP I have with said character: Um, not sure I really have a notp for Cloud, other than the SOLDIER poly thing? Because Aerith and Tifa aren't exactly NOTPs, I'm just not inclined to them.

A random headcanon: Cloud helped Vincent get his phone, and may or may not have been influential in convincing him to accessorize his stuff. Cloud needed to purchase a new one to replace the one laid to rest with Aerith (aaaaa, the symbolism I never considered there), so might as well help No-Phone Vincent. And of course, they would then be the first numbers entered in to one anothers new phones.

General Opinion over said character: The only limit to my love for Cloud, is that it has not crossed the precipice into 'I must become what I love' as it has for other characters. But I adore him. I adore him. I adore him. He's so flawed, he's so real, he's so relatable. The hero that wasn't meant to be, but is anyways. The one to always stand against Sephiroth. The delivery guy. Claudia's boy. The ex-SOLDIER. The lone wolf. The family man. The man who became too many, when he lost track of himself. I love his strong moments, I love his fucking snarky attitude. I love his soft moments, his awkwardness. The tragedy of his struggle with identity, his toxic tie with Sephiroth. I love seeing him fall apart, I love seeing him put himself back together. Cloud is just an amazing character, and ya know roleplaying multiple muses that have strong feelings towards him just layers that XD

Thank you again for the ask, sorry this was so long!!

[skrunksthatwunk]

"a woman would treat her right" question do you believe lesbians are equally capable of harming their partners. question do you at default assume the straight relationships around you are of a lower quality than the lesbian ones around you. question do you believe there is something inherent ("biological" or "trained") about men that makes them gross, bad at sex, inconsiderate partners, etc in ways that lesbians (always assumed to not be men) don't have. question do you believe men to be capable of only an inferior sort of love and kindness and spirit when compared to (always assumed to never be men) lesbians. question why do you think that's an okay way to think/feel about an entire group of people based on a characteristic they have no control over (gender). question do you think you're normal about bisexual people, any kind of trans person (this view can affect all of us depending on the angle regardless of actual gender), cis butches on T, or achillean people. question do you see men as equal humans.

we can have butch chivalry we can have the "sweeps her away from an unfulfilling straight marriage" fantasy i get it believe me but why are you always making it about men and how bad men are. why is that how you express your desire or concern for (usually, in this case) women. we can stop doing this at any time.

before you get mad at me yes a lot of abusive or shitty or underwhelming men who're partners to women are like that due to misogyny. but they are not like that because they're men. not the same. and i don't think you can argue that misogyny is inherent to men without reinforcing a bio- or gender-essentialist framework, which i thought we all knew was bad. women are capable of and do perpetuate misogyny and abuse they are not some mystical safe haven of purity and splendor. lesbian separatism should die as a concept and if i could kill it myself i would do so barehanded. i would like to share in y'all's yearning and hope and love without it always being about how men are yucky and we don't wanna play with them anymore (or were so wise and perceptive that we never wanted to play with them). stop making lesbianism into a fucking country club your lesbianism does not make you superior

[sliceofhotsoda]

miraculous has wormed into my brain again and I just wanna say WHY did alix not have marinette's back when lila was targeting her??? PLEASE alix is the biggest hater who isn't a bully and youre telling me that she didn't even give lila a side-eye or think of her as annoying and attention-seeking (like she so clearly is)? im so sick of this, WHY does everyone even like that girl!! ur telling me there's NO haters in paris who don't like her out of jealousy or spite? come on. come on. this is exactly why chloe would've been so good as an anti-lila weapon.

[doctahchang]

i love seven but it is also very annoying how media overall is more willing to sympathise with characters who committed countless atrocities and talk at length about their redemption arks particularly in comparison to oppressed characters whose fight against status quo is always being framed as terrorism :-)

[ehs73y3ck]

sanda doodles!!

[horsetailcurlers2]

just as they were finally about to revoke my membership card for the Certified Derek Shepherd Haters Club, i started rewatching bits of season one and two with the knowledge of what comes later and i i kind of want to rip out all his fingernails one by one

[wwerasliin-sideblog]

Jimmy continuing to show a little growth and maturity this week, in some aspects —

"We Are The Ones." - Roman. "Yea, but we're not though." - Jimmy. — Jimmy is starting to see things for what they truly are, he's seeing the here and now, reality, not living on past laid, power and accolades (as Roman mentions), he's being realistic about their situation, where they're at, right now. In this moment.

He sees they need help, he sees it for what it is, as it is. He's not got unrealistic expectations - he's had the opportunity to see it more *clearly*, from afar, being stuck at home, giving him some time and some clarity.

He's had time, time away; from being sucked into the epicenter of it, from the chaos mulling all around, at every turn, and every corner... It's given him the space and time to think, contemplate, reflect, learn and grow. He knows better now, he's more level-headed. At least, he seems to be for now.

He's got another thing coming though, if he thinks that Jey is going to drop everything and come running to them, just cause they ask nicely. Especially after what they BOTH did to him, hurting him and tormenting him, manipulating him and using him, playing with him, with his life like that; everything they put him through.. But, I will say, I'm glad to see Jimmy humble himself enough to acknowledge that they need help.

And I get that Jimmy has his own issues with Jey, but most of all, it comes from a place of hurt. He's only ever wanted to protect Jey, at least that's how it started out, but it slowly festered into something more nefarious, bitter and ugly..

But right now, there's a bigger problem to deal with. They may just have to put aside their issues, just for a moment to deal with this ridiculous monstrosity in front of them. They will surely have to circle back to and deal their own issues once they've dealt with this, this hideous and convoluted excuse they call the new Bloodline. Or, prove me wrong and sort fix yourselves first, before you try and sort fix something outside of yourselves.

There's a lot of healing to be had.

[outlying-hyppocrate]

Dearest Crispin:

Let me start by saying that (with a profound lack of hyperbole and awareness of my one pretentiousness) Marcus Thalloway is by far the most confusing, complex, time consuming, and irritating to write character I have ever had the (dis)pleasure of creating. The main challenges come from attempting to write from the perspective of someone whose views of reality wholly differ to you or me, an endeavour that still troubles me even as I write to you. This is all to say that creating this man took time, as will explaining him, meaning that this will likely be my longest rambling yet.

Let us start, with not his birth, but with long before that. Long before anything, for that matter. Consider that existence, as a whole, is quite small. You do not exist before you are created, and never again after. This means that being is a mote speck in an infinite sea of not being. Now imagine if this sea was embodied by the forces of the Lower World I described to you in my last writing. The endless void of nonexistence taking form and spreading its reach into our little island of reality. Not the greatest of situations.

To counteract this, the forces that be (the forces being the equivalent of a true god, or the embodiment of the aforementioned metaphorical island via our friend Lower World embodiment) created a countermeasure. This idea, rather than being coalesced and condensed into a singular one, was spread. The very idea of not being became an integral aspect of everything. A concept spread across infinite ideas and thoughts, so that it may never be a single one. An infinity divided into zero.

This is why things stop being as we know them. Why ideas are forgotten. Why things die. Because the idea of not being was divided across all that is before time could even take form.

And for about some 13.7 billion years this was the case. A stable reality held up by an infinite division of an infinite sea of infinite destruction. A stable reality, until in 1971, AD, on a planet called Earth, on the continent of Europe, in the county of the United Kingdom, a woman and two men made ate the proverbial fruit of knowledge.

Mariah Oh, her fiancé Vincent Thalloway, and their family friend Henry Kierkegaard, discovered this universal pattern of decay when researching the fabric of the Lower Worlds, being the very first discoverers to peel back the layers of reality and gods.

You see, Mariah and Henry had an enlightening conversation with a mysterious manic woman claiming to have “solved the universe and then some” (a time travelling physicist due to plot reasons) began to create the first defined contract with a god, as opposed to the prayers and worship of religions in the past which happened to recreate the similar conditions. This then lead to the pair and Mariah’s fiancé, Vincent to make their first journey into a Lower World and eventually sharing their finding with the world.

However, during one of their expeditions later into their careers, Vincent and Henry, travelling without Mariah due to her pregnancy, discovered that a undertone, almost unpredictable were it not for the recent destruction of several gods (caused by plot reasons). This undertone was this very universal echo of nonexistence I spoke of. By researching and grasping this concept, they made a grievous mistake, granting this god of death a small, fleeting, yet present form, one powerful enough to begin its metaphorical crusade against the heavens. By knowing the great death that awaited them, they released it. They released the Unraveling.

They of course kept it a secret, spending their last years fighting every encroaching touch of entropy they could. Eventually, Mariah gave birth later that year to one Marcus Thalloway, older of the two Thalloway brothers in an incident of rather disturbing circumstances. As Mariah clutched the baby Marcus, an overwhelming pale light stretched across the room, shredding reality and causing all around it rot and decay as a emaciated hand reached towards the mother and son. It clawed as the same pale light tore it apart, sloughing flesh off until only dust remained on a horrified Mariah’s lap.

Other than this strange, inexplicable encounter, the three remained on steady course until tragedy struck. Mariah, now a mother of 2, was lost during an operation to destroy a contract bearer with the Unraveling, at least, from the perspective of Vincent and Henry.

From Mariah’s perspective, much weirder, and greater things had occurred. In the death of the contract bearer, they wished one last sacrifice, taking their captor, Mariah, and sacrificing her body to the Unraveling. This process was agonising to both the mind and the body, as her consciousness was tore and shredded across all existence as the Unraveling had once been, her mind spread across every and any possible point in time.

And out of every point, out of every conceivable point in space and time, she appeared in one location, at one time. She appeared in the hospital room of one Mariah Oh and her newly born son Marcus Thalloway, reaching for her baby son before the undying entropy claimed her and consumed her into the inky sea. Marking the boy unknowingly with the accursed touch of the Unraveling.

As a result, Marcus became a boy of a rather ineffable nature. Though he would only discover this later, he suffered from chronic anhedonia and depression, his mind struggling to grasp the most human and emotional aspects of the psyche, and are able excelling in understanding the ineffable and impossible. He became a visionary at a tragically young age, his ideas far too grim and morbid for any healthy psyche his age.

In every way that was not biology, the boy was simply not human. He carried the same folds of the brain, wirings of neurons, lines of nerves, and aligning of tissues as any homo sapien and yet seemed to think entirely differently. This was a product of the aforementioned touch of a primordial god, his very mind rewired and sculpted with the thinkings of a god beyond our realm. As a result of his often ostracised differences, alongside a history of trauma, violence, and drug abuse, he ultimately was required to be two different people.

His profession, a hunter of gods and religions, required a man who was willing to cause and take suffering, an all too human and mortal man to take up arms against the cruel world which hurt him so. And his psyche required a genius, a madman, an agent of change, an artist who twisted reality and people to his will and was willing to do anything to achieve his goals. It needed a selfless martyr and a selfish god.

And so, he made and became both. I will not say Marcus suffers from DID or any similar disorders, as I both lack the professional skills to do so, and I never wrote him intended as such, I simply wrote him as a man who needed to be two opposing ideas at once.

As a result, he is incredibly fractured and split, a cobweb of personalities and mannerisms meant to convince rather than become. A carefully constructed set of lies and falsities to hide his true, uncontrollable self.

And now, the contents, or shall I say the meat, of why I write to you. The break down of Marcus Thalloway’s psychology.

For clarity’s sake, we shall describe our boy Marcus with two monikers: “Apollo” for the madman, born of impossible circumstances, and “Artemis” for the hunter, born from a world too harsh for the weak.

Artemis is a product of all of Marcus’ suffering, hardships, and rough upbringing. From losing his father and mother at the age of 6, to becoming a child soldier at 10, to a trained killer at 13, he was put through traumatic and cruel situations all throughout his life. And the mind, as it so often does, coped, compartmentalising this suffering into one person. A Marcus who was the one willing to take all that suffering and make something of beauty from it, something morally righteous. A good part of this comes from his mentor, Clancy Martins, a man steeped in equal measures of suffering, albeit willing to turn it into goodwill.

To quote the man himself, “No one’s really bad, just unhappy folks trying to get happy, sometimes everyone else be damned. What we call good or bad is just whether or not they get off helping others. What I’m saying, kiddo, is that you can be a good guy if you can turn that need to destroy, into a need to help others.” Marcus, in order to be more human in his eyes, to become more kind and good in the eyes of those he cares about, had to become a more selfless individual.

So that is exactly what happened. His mind, over the crucible of agony and misery, of war, famine, and tragedy twisted and contorted until it made a burning desire within itself. An undying lust for martyrdom, for sacrifice, for helping those around him. Someone willing to devote their existence of pain to create a world of peace. But let us now get into the why.

Like all aspects of the psyche, it is multifaceted. For starters, the creation of Artemis was at very base level, a survival strategy. In the grand schemes of the Unraveling, its vessel in the physical plane (that being Marcus) was required to survive and understand its origins, which created the necessity that it should be able to survive and blend into society, thus the requirement of Artemis was made. On a more personal level, however, simply being a visionary like Apollo was not enough. The body still needing sating, of both the mental and physical desires. It needed to be fed, to be kept happy, to survive in order to function properly, and this physical drive for happiness became manifest as Artemis.

In a way, it loops back to my first writings of human desire, and how every human is chasing happiness in some form or another. The primordial consciousness that inhabited Marcus was free of these desires, but the flesh that it manifested in was not. This flesh, this body, and that necessity of survival all culminated in the creation of Artemis.

Apollo, on the other hand, is a much more metaphysical and unique happenstance. The Unravelling is not conscious in the typical sense. No god is, in fact. They are simply an optimised method of collecting worship and attention. In the same manner in which gravity pulls matter together, the gods are simply a manifestation of the Lower Worlds pulling conceptual mass together. What we see as schemes and plans in the machinations of gods, are simply long term calculations and methods of garnering more “mass” which, when complex and long enough, appear to us as plans. The Unraveling is no different, it seeking to bring all ideas and matter into its folds of chaos and vacuum. Of complete conceptual balance. All ideas under one, all ideas under none. Quite literally joining all ideas with the very concept of nothingness in the most fundamental and axiomatic form, until all is none.

Marcus is simply its way of doing so. It marked the boy with its entropic grasp, rending his mind across its unending sea of existence much like it did with his mother. He was granted a new perspective, that of the Unraveling’s, letting him see from outside the world as we know it, outside of time, space, reality, law, and order. It brought him its panoptical lens of reality, and forced its omniscience upon his post-natal mind. The product of this unholy matrimony of the ineffable and the waking world resulted in Apollo.

If Artemis is body, the visceral, the physical, the conscious. Then Apollo is the very opposite. Often it sits in his subconscious, voraciously consuming information and spitting out predictions and observations for his conscious, for Artemis’ survival. You see, due to Apollo’s strange point of view, reality functions very differently.

Consider the following: you and I live in a casual, somewhat linear (though we experience it at different rates) flow of time. A happens therefore B transpires therefore C is created and so on and so forth. Causality is something that is uniquely a feature of our existence, and something that the sea of entropy and malevolence that the Unraveling is does not share with us. In other words, time is in fact experienced in retrograde for it. It witnesses time a set of terminuses and endings, decays and deaths, followed by the resulting causes and actions leading up to it, a thousand intersecting death followed by their causes. Not time in reverse, but more as logic in reverse.

Thus, for Apollo time works similarly, its relative perspective on reality being wholly different from its all too mortal counterpart Artemis. It sees reality from an outside-looking-in perspective, so to speak, which in part also justifies the creation of Artemis as an anchor in typical causal reality.

This difference in perception is often boggling for both aspects of Marcus, as when Artemis is fed information it often results in strange paths of logic, i.e. y”ou open the door, then cross the room to reach the door” sets of paths that are headaches to navigate.

On a more sinister note, this results in a rather cold indifference forming from Apollo, as his perspective is so coldly and wholly seperate from his fleshly inhibitions that he struggles to and often does not at all comprehend the human emotions. A consequence of his mental split, Apollo at most creates and edifice of contrived emotions in order to blend in, and Artemis simply experiences

And finally, the more applied, experience based aspect of my small (yet paradoxically not so small) diatribe of Thalloway’s psyche. What it’s like to be Marcus Thalloway.

For starters, he seems to function in rapidly, often by the day, shifting personalities and mannerisms, accents, behaviour, and all seem to shift depending on his mental state. As he approaches the brink of sanity, being challenged and put under suffering Artemis becomes more prevalent, acting more and more like a masculine “noir era film detective” as the necessity for survival takes prevalence.

When left to his own, or put under the need for that particular flair and genius, he becomes more effete and sporadic, comparable to a manic rush as Apollo takes the reins. There even exists extremes, him going into a sleepwalk-like daze when faced with combat or similarly stressful situations, practically becoming an animal of muscle memory and subconscious calculations.

The most notable difference is his disposition when it comes to polarities of the soul. A reoccurring concept in the Laplace Sequence, the polarities are the two factors that dictates one’s position in life. How adored, how hated, how respected, and how ignored. However much one seeks happiness through helping others, and however much they gain it through helping themselves. Everyone has a majority towards one polarity, but contains at least some in both.

Marcus, however, is a unique case. On one hand, Artemis is fully selfless, his life down to his very reason for existence being dedicated to others and his societal appearances. His very driving motivation for the majority of the story being a suitable death in which he may die with an acceptable amount of impact on the world, so that he may not die contributing the forces he fought against his whole life (though this is later revealed to be a falsity created to justify his otherwise meaningless life). On the other, Apollo is the epitome of selfishness, willing to murder, steal, and cross any barriers to achieve his singular goal. But the strange curiosity, is that both, like any other person, incidentally share a bit of both polarities.

While Artemis may exist solely for others, his actions, selfless they may be, still seek to fulfil his own drive for happiness, which is intrinsically a selfish goal. Similarly, although Apollo seeks power for himself and only himself, his actions happen to benefit some in his path, leading to accidental selflessness. In other words, Marcus is a man of both polarities, his mind split down the middle between the Yin and Yang of the drives of life.

But let us track back to the motivations, specifically that of Artemis, as that is one of particular interest. Born out of survival and the flesh, Artemis spends a good 2/3s (13/21 to be exact) of the story deluded with a goal: the correct death, as he his haunted by a accelerated decay of his flesh. The very origin of his decay is ambiguous, to quote Apollo from a conversation between the two “It could be brain cancer, from all the drug abuse, it could be one of your countless contracts, finally catching up, or it could be me, whatever I am, finally rotting away your brain.”

This looming death drives Marcus to great lengths as he seeks a way to either prevent his oncoming demise, or ensure its effects can have good repercussions upon the world. This in of itself is an extension of Apollo’s worldview of how the ends of things determine the lives of others, bleeding into Artemis justifications in order to hide the truth.

The truth is that Artemis is selfish. Selfish in the most selfless way one can be. Artemis has a drive to bring happiness to others, and is willing to do anything to fulfil that desire, once again falling back on that concept of both polarities having some aspect of the other. And Artemis, despite all the delusions of grandeur and lies of greater purpose, simply is seeking happiness. Artemis, after all, is the humanity in Marcus. And what is more human than simply chasing that happiness?

As a result, Artemis, although he is unaware of his counterparts existence until roughly the age of 29-30 years old, despises it from the start. He hates his inexplicable moments where he seems to care so little for the ones around him, when at others times it’s all he can think about, and as a result is willing to do anything to keep Apollo away.

This all culminates in Marcus’ substance abuse, as partaking in drugs, particularly cigarettes and alcohol, as it clouds the senses, centres him in reality and allows him to open up his heart to the world a little more. It gives him room so that he may be a touch more human. Both as a form of coping, keeping away the shadows at the edges of his consciousness, and as punishment to his body, for all the hurt it causes when Apollo takes control.

And so Marcus survives, switching from madman with the eyes of a god, to the warrior with the heart of a saint day to day, night to night.

Thank, thank you so very kindly for bothering to entertain my self-indulgent narcissistic and all too strange writing about a man that does not even exist. If you have bothered to read till the end, I just wish to thank you for being such a wonderful spark to motivate me, as the past few interactions alone have been enough to reignite my passion for the arts.

Kindest, warmest, and most inspired regards, Valerie.

dearest valerie,

[perilegs]

outfits to fag it up in the grocery store + do cable management in