#so far all of the music included are *blowing another series of kisses* | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pyrettawychwiggin · 1 month ago

Text

JJK Men - They Surprise You By Playing An Instrument (With Spotify Links)

Bonus: What do their singing voices sound like? 🎤

Includes: Gojo, Megumi (aged up), Nanami, Geto, Choso

- Each entry has a little mini-story to go along with it. If people enjoy this series, I may write a series about their reactions to you surprising them with your musical skills.

If y'all want to see entries for other characters that haven't been listed in this post, let me know in the comments and I may continue the series ♡ (Tumblr has a limit on the number of music tracks, so I had to keep it a bit short, here)

• Part 1 - Surprising You (Gojo, Megumi, Geto, Kento, Choso)

• Part 2 - Coming Soon...

Entries are below the cut.

Gojo Satoru | Multi - Talented

Gojo is a jack of all trades, but a master of none (aside from his vocals, which are completely flawless). He can play a little bit of everything from piano to guitar, from drums to violin. He also plays a small amount of a few assorted instruments like the theremin and the accordion; not because he wanted to specifically learn how to play them, but for the sole purpose of breaking out one of those skills to shock and amuse the people around him. That's just how he rolls (that and he doesn't keep at each instrument for long before he loses interest and moves on to something else).

Can he sing? 🎤 His singing is his best instrument by far. Between his effortlessly cool demeanor and natural vocal chops, he's basically an idol; and he has the dance moves to match. His voice is smooth, and he is always perfectly on-key, even if he's dancing. While he can pull off any style of music, pop (specifically k-pop and j-pop) is where he shines the most.

('Open Mind' - WONHO)

Preface: you and Gojo have known each other for a couple years, and he has been particularly flirty with you for the past few weeks, turning what was a casual friendship into an ongoing game of cat-and-mouse to see who'll confess their feelings first.

You and Satoru sat side-by-side in the karaoke booth with your drinks, joking and laughing about your latest mission. It was karaoke night, and everyone was letting loose, belting out some classics and getting completely wasted.

"Yeah, no - I was out," you laughed. "Like, out-out."

"Just like that?!" Satoru let out a mock gasp. "I thought you were supposed to be invincible! That curse should've taken you five minutes tops."

"Um. Excuse me - that was a special grade, thankyouverymuch," you flicked the sorcerer on the forehead with a fake scowl. "Not all of us can be 'the strongest,' yeah?"

"So what happened next?" Satoru chortled, resting his chin on his knuckles as he gave you his rare, undivided attention. "You know - after you had your gorgeous ass handed to you."

"Pfft - well, Nanami managed to save my gorgeous ass right in the nick of time," you guffawed, taking another gulp of your drink. "He's a stick-in-the-mud, but damn if he isn't the most efficient sorcerer I've ever met."

"Second most efficient...?" Satoru leaned against your shoulder, pulling the side of his blindfold down to reveal a single blue eye with impossibly long snow-kissed eyelashes, batting it comically up at you with a pout.

"I said what I said," you poked him in the nose and stuck out your tongue.

"E m o t i o n a l d a m a g e !" He cried with an expression of mock horror before gesturing to himself with a flourish. "You really gonna pick Nanamin over all this?!"

Before you could answer, one of your colleagues called out. "Gojo! You're on-deck!"

"Yeah! Got it!" Satoru waved at the voice before returning his attention back to you, winking with a smirk. "Any requests?"

"My vote's for 'Barbie Girl," you shrugged with a sly grin. "But I've got half a mind to dare you to Rickroll the place. I've never even heard you sing, come to think of it."

"You're in for a treat then, sweetness."

He slid out of his seat and stretched, blowing you a kiss before setting his blindfold on the table in front of you. He gave you a knowing smile with a wink of his devastatingly blue eyes, and you shook your head with a blush. He knows exactly what those eyes do to me. Bastard...

You watched him take his place in front of the small, familiar crowd, raising an eyebrow as he settled into a starting pose, microphone in-hand.

As the music started playing, you raised an eyebrow at Satoru's perfect, suave dance maneuvers, but this wasn't overly surprising. You'd been out dancing with him before, so you already knew he had moves - but when he opened his mouth and started singing, your jaw hit the floor.

Every note was perfect, almost as if he was lip-syncing, but you could never mistake the energy and charisma of his voice, even when he sang. Despite the fact that he was dancing perfectly, his tone never wavered in the slightest. You found yourself cheering him on alongside your colleagues when the music swelled into an interlude.

He approached your section of the table, making direct eye contact with you as he continued, leaning over the surface and drifting his hand across your cheek as he sang directly to you. He hovered an inch away from your lips before returning to the floor to finish the song, leaving you breathless.

He hit his final pose to enthusiastic applause and handed the microphone to the next person. Settling back into the booth beside you, he let out a puff of air to flutter his bangs out of his crystalline eyes.

"Be honest - you're a Gojo stan, now," he chuckled, tossing his arms behind his head with a prideful wiggle.

"This booth is way too small for your ego to get any bigger than it already is," you teased. You grabbed his blindfold and started fitting it over his head, pulling it down over his eyes before leaning in and planting your lips softly on his. The moment your mouth was on his, it's as if he had been waiting for this moment all his life, sparing no time in wrapping one arm around your waist to pull your chest into his, his other hand resting on your jaw so he could deepen the kiss. When you started to pull away, he pulled your head right back, kissing you with a hunger that made your head spin. "Not done, yet."

The two of you basically made out for a few more minutes before you finally stopped, breathing heavy, forehead-to-forehead. Satoru let out a breathless chuckle.

"I need to sing for you more often..."

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Megumi Fushiguro | Cello

Preface: you and Megumi have been acquaintances for a while, but have started to get closer over the past year. You are both comfortable around the other's presence, and while you both clearly seem to have deeper feelings for each other, you've both been dancing around the idea of 'more' for weeks, maybe even months.

('Darkside - For Cello and Piano' - GnuS Cello)

You waited at the foot of the makeshift stage, holding your breath as you took in the sight before you. Megumi, who you've known since you started training as a Jujutsu Sorcerer, sat in the center of the stage, a ebony black cello propped between his legs and rested gently against his chest as he waited for the cue from the piano track. When his eyes found yours in the crowd, they widened as if he hadn't expected to see you there. You gave him a subtle smile and two thumbs of encouragement, causing him to avert his gaze with what looked like a sheepish pout as his nose and cheeks took on a reddish hue. He was more comfortable around you than most people, but when you looked at him with so much adoration, it made his heart tighten in the most wonderfully uncomfortable way.

Otherwise, his face seemed calm, but you could tell he felt as though he'd never felt more uneasy than he did in this moment. You, just like every other senior student, had been roped into this impromptu 'talent show' by one of your more... eccentric instructors. They had cited their reasoning as a team-building exercise, or some sort of comradery-based activity, but it had you all scrambling to think of how to avoid making complete asses of yourself in front of your peers. You counted yourself fortunate that you had already gotten your own performance out of the way the day before.

The last thing you (or anyone, really) had expected was for Megumi to show up at all, much less with an instrument.

From the first series of notes, Megumi's skill was apparent. Each note was measured, smooth, resonant and precise - his fingers pressing on the neck, his eyes closed so as to block out the hundreds of eyes that were on him. Despite the fact that you could almost hear him internally cursing the instructor for putting him in this position, each note was expressive and filled with grace.

As he allowed the final note to ring throughout the crowd, his eyes opened to find yours once more. The crowd erupted in shocked applause, but in this moment, all he could focus on was you as you clapped and beamed up at him with pride and awe. You saw the faintest ghost of a smile before he stood and stalked off stage.

You continued to watch the performances, still reeling from Megumi's song, when you felt a presence beside you. Turning to see Megumi standing with his hands in his pockets, looking up at the stage, seemingly avoiding looking directly at you as you practically bounced with excitement. Feeling your eyes on him, he scowled and spoke through gritted teeth.

"Don't. Say. A. Word."

"Say what? I wasn't going to say anything," you whispered nonchalantly, turning back to the stage, but keeping your sidelong grin at him. You waited for his shoulders to start to relax when you continued. "But I mean...you were amazing."

Megumi grumbled and shook his head, playfully bumping against your arm with his own, letting out a snort of derision to your praise with an eyeroll, but seeing the ghost of a smile on his lips and the persisting pinkness in his cheeks, you could tell he was quietly elated. You couldn't help but notice that he remained with his arm against yours, subtly enjoying the feeling of being a little closer to you. In a moment of boldness, you slid your hand into his, half-expecting him to pull away, but he wordlessly laced his fingers with yours. Gently leaning your head on his shoulder, you smiled as you felt him rest his chin on the top of your head, resting his lips against your hair with the ghost of a kiss. When he spoke, he was so quiet that you almost didn't catch it.

"I'm glad you liked it."

('Engravings' - Ethan Bortnick)

Can he sing? 🎤 If he really tried? Sure. But he doesn't like to, nor does he want to. The most you'll get out of him is a low hum that is barely audible, and even then, you'd only hear it if he was sure no one was in earshot. If he were to really sing, he would have a warm tone with a breathy rasp to it that would give his vocals a unique edge.

The first time you heard him sing was about three years into your relationship. He had recently given you the key to his apartment so you could come and go as you pleased. You'd decided to head over one evening, but he hadn't gotten the text notification from you that said you were coming over.

As you unlocked the door and cracked the front door open, you could hear the sound of a fast-paced song with chaotic piano notes and a deep beat. As you headed further into the house, you started to hear a voice singing and you could hardly believe what you were hearing.

He has fantastic speakers; it's as if the singer is right here in the apartment with us...

As you cracked open the door to the room the music was coming from, your heart leapt into your throat. The voice wasn't from the singer - it was Megumi himself, completely unaware that you were watching.

You debated with yourself as to whether or not you should tell him you had arrived when he turned to see you and nearly shit bricks.

"Shit!" he hissed, scrambling to turn off the music. "Don't you knock?!"

"Sorry, baby," you couldn't help but laugh, seeing his face go completely red, folding his arms, utterly mortified. You sighed and wrapped your arms around him, feeling him slump over your shoulder with a groan. "I did text you. If it's any consolation, I thought you sounded great."

"Well, don't get used to it..." he grumbled.

Going forward, you would only hear him sing a small handful of times, and it was only ever around you, but you liked hearing it nonetheless.

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Nanami Kento | Piano

Preface: you and Kento have been in a relationship for about one year at the time of this story. The two of you are about to take your very first vacation together to celebrate your first anniversary, but mother nature has other plans.

('Kiss the Rain' - Yiruma)

Heavy raindrops beat mercilessly against the windows of the airport gate's observation area. You and Kento waited patiently in the seating area for your flight that had already been delayed by two hours. He sat comfortably with his right leg crossed over his left, an arm rested on the top of the chair behind you, fingers trailing idly along the outside of your arm, the other holding a book open, tilted slightly your way so you could follow along. You'd been resting your cheek on his shoulder, reading contentedly with him when the all-too-familiar sound of an incoming announcement rang through the airport.

'Attention, passengers. Flight JAL10 to Kuantan has been delayed due to poor weather conditions. We are expecting an extended delay of approximately two hours. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and appreciate your patience. Please see our customer service desk if you have any questions or concerns. Thank you for flying with us today.'

A collective groan sounded among the passengers at your shared gate. You exchanged a look with Kento as you both let out a sigh.

"I guess we're going to be here for a while," you sighed and eyeballed the remaining pages of the book to see you'd both already read through nearly three quarters of it. "We need to read slower."

He chuckled and placed the ribbon bookmark between the pages, shutting it and tucking it away in the carry-on bag.

"We've already been sitting here for over two hours, love. Let's stretch our legs."

"Good call." You rose to your feet and stretched with a yawn. "I think the airport coffee shop should be opening soon, anyways. I could use the pick-me-up."

"We have plenty time," Kento replied, checking his silver wristwatch. "Let's start making our way over there."

He offered his arm to you with an easy smile. You looped your arm into his and matched his stride. As the two of you walked side-by-side, you passed by what appeared to be a grand piano, set to the side of the walking area. Beside the piano was a sign that read.

'Free to play; please be respectful.'

Kento started making his way over to the piano, sitting on the bench. You followed suit, taking a seat beside him.

"This is a Steinway & Sons grand..." He took a moment to appreciate the quality of the instrument. "They must be insane; putting this out for public use like this."

"Kento, do you play?" you asked, watching him place his nimble fingers on the keys.

"It's been a while," he replied. "I'm not sure how much I'll remember. Let's see.."

You listened in awe as he started to play, each note resounding throughout the large, empty hall. His fingers glided along the keys in a way that made it look effortless. The expressions that often stayed hidden behind his carefully-maintained professional exterior bled through every note he played in a way that made your heart swell.

It took you about a minute to realize where you'd heard this song before.

(1 Year Ago...)

The two of you had been sent abroad to hunt down a particularly nasty curse, and after a successful mission, he'd asked you out to dinner to celebrate.

Kento had always been a gentleman to you, but things felt different that night. You'd agreed to meet in the hotel lobby so you could head to the restaurant together, but he had specifically instructed that the restaurant was high-end.

"I've already gotten the funds approved," he'd said before you could retort. "It'll all be covered as a business expense, seeing as how we finished up here two days ahead of schedule."

After having one final look at yourself in the mirror, you silently hoped what you chose would be appropriate. As you walked down the stairs of the lobby and saw his expression glow when his eyes landed on you, you knew you'd chosen well.

"You..." He was lost for words as you approached him, trailing off for a moment before regaining his composure. "Er, you have good taste."

"Thank you," you chuckled, reaching out to straighten his tie after noticing it looked a little askew. He averted his eyes and cleared his throat, ears turning bright red at the intimacy of your actions. "You have good taste as well, Nanami - as always."

"There's no need to be so formal with me tonight." He offered his arm to you with a rare smile that made your heart skip a beat. "Call me Kento."

When you'd arrived at the restaurant, you'd realized that spending time with Nanami...Kento, was as easy as breathing. It was a rare sight to see him relaxed since 90% of your time spent together was at work. Yet here, off the clock, he wore a soft smile, and he seemed far less rigid than usual.

As a beautiful song started playing from the piano by the dance floor, he'd surprised you by rising from his seat and offering his hand to you.

"Dance with me?"

As if your body was moving on it's own, you followed him onto the dance floor. He gently twirled you into his arms, leading you in a waltz, his firm but gentle hand rested on the small of your back, his other hand holding yours. You remember looking up into his eyes, hardly recognizing the man staring back at you. Seeing him without his tinted glasses was already a rare occasion, but seeing such tenderness in his otherwise ice-cold expression was practically unheard of.

You rested your cheek against his chest and were met with a low chuckle as he rested his chin on top of your head.

"I've wanted to take you out like this for some time," he said finally, not missing a beat as he continued to dance with you. "I know this might be a bit forward of me to ask, but..."

You peered up at him curiously, waiting for him to continue.

"Would you be opposed to allowing me to take you out like this more often?" He asked, eyes full of sincerity. "Perhaps in a more romantic capacity?"

You thought your heart would leap out of your chest on the spot. Beaming up at him, all you could muster was a giddy nod and, "Kento...I'd love that."

He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, and stopped moving, the other couples continuing to dance unawares around you. As far as you were concerned, in this moment, there was only the two of you. He held your hand to his chest and, slipping the other by the line of your jaw, he started to bring his face closer to yours, waiting for you to close the distance further - or to push him away. You lifted onto your toes to meet his lips with your own, sharing in your first kiss; the first of many to come.

As you slipped back into the present moment, it dawned on you.

He's playing the song we had our first slow dance to...

As he played the last note, he kept his fingers rested on the keys, allowing the echo to fade.

"Kento..."

He turned to meet your gaze but gasped when he noticed your eyes welling with tears.

"Honey, are you alright?" he brought his hands up to your cheeks, gently wiping away a stray tear with his thumb, eyes filled with concern. "Why are you crying?"

"I remember that song...and you played it so beautifully..." you mumbled, bumping your forehead into his chest to hide your face. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around you. "You never told me you were a pianist."

"I'm not a pianist - I just happened to learn how to play when I was younger." He gently ran his hand down the back of your head, whispering in your ear. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

You sniffled and peeked up at him from his chest. "...do it again."

Your reaction earned you a rare laugh from Kento as he brought your chin up to meet his gaze before planting a feather-soft kiss on your lips. "Anything for you, love. What do you want to hear?"

('9 Crimes (Demo)' - Damien Rice)

Can he sing? 🎤 He's not bad, actually! His voice is best-suited to acoustic, soft grunge and indie rock. He has a sharp, nasally quality to his voice, but he's able to maintain slightly deeper registers smoothly and with ease. Though he enjoys singing when he's certain he's alone, he does NOT want anyone else hearing him sing since it makes him feel silly.

However, one night in particular, you and a tiiiiiiiiny handful of coworkers actually got to hear him sing once at karaoke, but everyone was so drunk neither he nor anyone else really remembers, but seeing as how you were the designated driver that night, you remember every little detail. You remember Gojo attempting to prank Kento by swearing up and down that you had a thing for men who could sing, thinking he'd make an ass out of himself, and to everyone's drunken shock, he managed to belt out the sweetest cover of '9 Crimes' you think you've ever heard. Everyone cheered, but no one cheered more enthusiastically than you did (except maybe a very proud, intoxicated Gojo who gushed something about how your babies would be beautiful AND talented).

The next day, you had mercy for a very hungover Kento who filed through paperwork at his desk, but you were softly humming the song under your breath to yourself throughout the day.

The two of you actually started dating about a month later. Eventually, you did tell him about that night, and he was completely mortified. However, when you insisted that you wished he would sing more, and that you actually loved how he sounded, it was one of the few times you've ever seen the unshakeable Nanami Kento truly flustered.

"Yes, well..." he pinched the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat. "I suppose, if it's only for you, I can be convinced..."

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Suguru Geto | Shamisen

Preface: Suguru, who you've been dating for a just shy of a year, hasn't been himself, lately. The only thing in life he's been able to find solace in has been spending time with you. For the past few weeks, he's been unable to fall asleep without you in his arms, so you've been spending your evenings with him.

('Furinkazan -Tsuki Sayu Yoru-' - Hiromitsu Agatsuma, Chen Min, Akira Senju)

You had curled up with Geto on his bed, his head resting on your chest while his arms tugged tightly around your waist to hold you close. His eyes were closed and his breathing was deep as he sought out his peace by listening to your steady heartbeat and took in the familiar sensation of your warmth.

This was how you had been spending most of your evenings lately; curled up with your boyfriend, helping him fend off the insomnia that had been brought on by his most-recent trauma. Even when he did fall asleep, sometimes he would wake up with a gasp, having returned to that awful memory that made him feel this way to begin with, but it was better than no sleep at all. By this point, you'd had returned to your own room, and he'd have to try to fall asleep again without you.

While you relaxed in comfortable silence, your eyes were drawn to an object in the room that hadn't been there the last few times you'd been over. A snakeskin stringed instrument resting on a wooden stand in the corner of the room.

"Geto, baby?" you whispered.

"Hm?" he hummed, tilting his chin up to look at you, a faint smile barely visible through his tired, bloodshot eyes. "Yes, my dear?"

"When did you get that?" you asked, tilting your chin over to the instrument.

"Ah, my shamisen?" he yawned. "I've always had that. Well, at least, ever since I was very young."

"I didn't know you played any instruments!" You snuggled him closer to you. "Is there anything you can't do?"

"Well, I can't stop loving you," he chuckled, climbing up to trap you under his arms, lowering his face to hover over your own. "Does that count?"

"I don't think it does," you giggled, blushing and snaking your arms around his neck to pull him closer for a quick kiss. "But I suppose I'll allow it."

"Kind of you," he whispered, returning his lips to yours and deepening the kiss before pulling away and rolling over to lie beside you, stroking your cheek with a soft smile.

"Can you play something for me?"

"Hmm..." Geto put a finger to his chin and regarded you with a fox-like grin. "Maybe. On one condition."

"Name it."

"Will you stay the night?" He asked quietly. Despite the grin that still painted his lips, you could see a sincerity in his eyes that was filled with genuine hope. Your heart skipped a beat at the implications of his request. Though you knew his request wasn't filled with any hidden intentions, he had to know how suggestive that sounded. "I promise I'll be on my best behaviour."

"Your best behaviour?" You chided and raised an eyebrow in jest. "That's no fun."

"Hah!" Geto let out a genuine laugh and bunted his forehead against yours with an affectionate nuzzle. "You're always so feisty."

"I will, though..." you spoke softly, feeling a heat in your cheeks, your skin tingling with excitement. "Stay the night, I mean."

"That's my darling." Geto pulled your knuckles up to his mouth and planted a kiss on them, holding your gaze for a few seconds before sitting up and walking across the room to pick up the instrument, settling on the floor and adjusting the tuning pegs with ease. You crawled over to sit in front of him, waiting with bated breath to hear him play.

As he started to strum the first few notes, your eyes widened, watching him expertly moving his fingers along the strings. Each strum was clean and clear; he played with the confidence of a practiced professional, eyes closed and a soft expression on his face. The only other times you'd seen him look this peaceful were when he was asleep in your arms; he was the absolute picture of serenity in this moment.

As he continued, his song became more complex and passionate, the tempo picking up, his brow furrowing only slightly as he continued to lose himself in his melody. His body swayed with the growing intensity of the final section of the song. As he strummed his final notes, he remained silent for a few seconds as you regarded him with breathless delight. When he opened his eyes, his gaze met yours and he smiled when you started clapping softly.

"Geto!" You gasped, bring your hands up to your lips. "That was incredible! You're incredible!"

"You flatter me far too much, my dear," he chortled, carefully resting the shamisen back on it's stand and offering you a hand so you could stand with him. He pulled you up into his arms and held you closer. "Still, your praise means more to me than most. Thank you."

You don't know how long he held you close to his chest like that, but you could have stayed in that moment forever if he'd let you. All too soon, he pulled away, leading you back to the bed.

"Shall we get comfortable, my dear...?"

('Letter' - VIINI)

Can he sing? 🎤 He is shockingly good. The rich, smooth tone of his voice melds well with Gojo's, and technically speaking, he may even have better range than Gojo. If Gojo is the pop star with the best upbeat hits and dance moves, Geto would've been the pop star with all the heart-breaking ballads. He unfortunately doesn't sing much, but he'll sing something for you in private anytime (especially since he knows how it makes your heart melt).

The first time you heard him sing was during your early days together when you'd just started spending time with Geto and Satoru. You and Geto hadn't started anything romantic, but there had been some friendly flirting and joking back-and-forth for a while. They'd invited you out for karaoke night with a few other sorcerers from the institute. You'd spent most of the evening enjoying watching the others perform, but when Gojo took the stage with a mindblowing performance that had you captivated, Geto decided he needed to show him up a little. You'd already been thoroughly impressed by Satoru's song, but as soon as Geto started singing, your jaw dropped and you're fairly certain you fell hopelessly in love on the spot.

He stayed seated on the stool with the microphone, but he made a point of holding your gaze the entire time, no matter how red your cheeks got. When he finished the last note, he took a seat by your side and wrapped an arm around you.

"What the hell was that?" you gasped.

Geto just chuckled and planted a kiss on the tips of your fingers.

"Well, I couldn't have you falling for Satoru without throwing my own hat in the ring." He tilted your chin up to face him with a smirk. "What did you think?"

"..Satoru who?" you sputtered, earning you a burst of laughter from Geto. You could hear Satoru from across the table whine 'hey!'

"That's my darling," he sighed, bringing your lips closer to his. "Come here..."

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Choso Kamo | Erhu

Preface: You and Choso have become extraordinarily close, and while you've been tip-toeing the line between friendship and romance, neither of you have managed to take the next step to actually define your relationship further. You are trying not to put any pressure on him as he's just learning how to really be human for the first time in his 150 years; and he is terrified of scaring you off, having convinced himself that there's no way in hell you feel the same about him, deciding he just needs to be happy with what he already has with you.

Everyone else already seems to be under the assumption that you're a couple since one is rarely (if ever) seen without the other.

('To Love's End' - Eliott Tordo)

"Have you picked up any hobbies, yet?"

"Hobbies?" Choso tilted his head curiously, uncertain of how to answer. "What do you mean by hobbies?"

"Well, er...what do you like to do?" You asked, gazing up fondly at the branches of the oak tree above your heads. "For fun, I mean?"

"Ah, for fun." Choso thought for moment. "Does training count as a hobby?"

"Training?" You chuckled. "I guess you could count that, though, I was talking more about things like arts, crafts, playing games; maybe music, even."

"Oh, I see." Choso put a finger to his lips, feeling a little lost on what to say. "I can't say I've really tried any of those things. Not yet, anyway."

He was about to ask what you did for fun when he noticed your eyes focus on something behind him just beyond the walkway of the park. A street performer had set up on the green space with a cherry wood violin, playing for passersby to hear. When he turned to face you again, he noticed your eyes sparkling with delight.

"Wow..." you sighed. "She's really good!"

The two of you spent another hour or so chatting and enjoying the spring weather on your favourite bench when you noticed the sun had started to set. It wasn't uncommon for you two to lose track of time here since this was one of your favourite places to spend time together.

"It's starting to get late," you yawned, stretching your arms above your head. "I ought to head back."

"Let me walk you home," Choso said quickly, rising to his feet, reaching out to help you up.

"O-okay..." you replied shyly. You counted yourself fortunate that your friend seemed oblivious to the way he made your heart swell with his thoughtfulness. I've met people who have been part of human society all their lives who could learn a thing or two about kindness from you, Choso...

As Choso walked you home, he was even quieter than usual, contemplating what the two of you had talked about during your day together. Once you'd arrived at your house, you reached out to give him a friendly hug. He held you only slightly longer than usual before you both let go. You bid him goodnight, turning and disappearing beyond the threshold. I can't quite explain why, but...

He turned and started making his way to the shopping district.

The way their face lit up when they were watching that street performer... He'd arrived at a local music shop, walking in and bowing in response to the shopkeeper's greeting. I want them to look at me like that.

He browsed the options, asking the shopkeeper for advice, hearing them play samples on each instrument that piqued his interest before he'd decided on one that sounded the most pleasing to his ear.

The erhu.

(1 Year Later...)

Choso had made practicing the erhu a daily part of his routine. Between reading books, watching instructional videos online, and through simple trial-and-error, he'd managed to get a fantastic handle on it. He'd spent the past few months in particular learning how to play a song that made him think of you.

He'd tried to work up the courage to show you; to use it as a chance to finally tell you what he'd been feeling for so long, but he'd lose his nerve every time. He eventually started to resign himself to the fact that maybe his nervousness was a sign that it would be unwise to reveal his feelings to you at all. After all, aside from Yuji, you'd become the only other person that he felt truly at home with; he couldn't stomach losing that.

"What's eating you?" A familiar voice snapped him out of his reverie. Choso looked to the side to see Yuki sliding up to the bar beside him, flagging down the bartender to order a drink. "You look even more morose than usual."

"Oh, Yuki; hello..." Choso greeted her with a faint smile before sighing and resting his chin on his knuckles. "I'm just...feeling a little stuck on something."

"I'm all ears," she said simply, shrugging. Choso was silent for a moment, but she waited patiently for him to continue.

"Being human is..." He began finally. "More complicated than I had ever imagined."

"Hah. Tell me something I don't know," she sighed with a wry smile, thanking the bartender with a wink when he slid her glass of wine her way. "You wanna be a little more specific, though?"

"I have this...friend," he started, shaking his head in confusion as he spoke, searching for the words that seemed to evade him. "Well, they're more than that, I think. At least, I want them to be more than that."

"I thought you were already together," Yuki raised an eyebrow, knowing exactly who he was talking about. "You two are practically attached at the hip - we all just kind of assumed."

"No, no," he chuckled, looking into his half-empty glass before his momentary amusement was overtaken by a frown. He explained to Yuki that he'd spent the past year learning to play an instrument in hopes of impressing you, and she practically burst out laughing.

"You mean to tell me you put your blood, sweat and tears into learning a skill like that just to impress them?" She shook her head in disbelief. "And they still haven't figured out how you feel?"

"Well, they don't know that I've been learning..." He replied sheepishly. "I wanted to surprise them with it. I just don't know if it's a good idea."

"Alright, look," she cleared her throat and downed the remainder of her already nearly-empty glass. "Nothing worth doing is ever easy. Okay, so you're nervous. Big deal."

Choso was taken aback by Yuki's bluntness, not knowing how to respond.

"Sometimes, you just need to take a deep breath and just try," she put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a shake of encouragement. "Besides, knowing them, even if they didn't feel the same - they're not the kind of person to hold it against you. Whether you're in a relationship or not, a friendship like that isn't so easily shrugged off."

"I suppose that makes sense," Choso sighed, still feeling uneasy about the whole thing.

"I've seen the way you two are together," she smiled, turning to stand before leaving him with one final thought. "Put yourself out there. See what happens. And if it all goes to hell, at least you'll have your answer. Good luck, big guy."

With a wave and a smile, she returned to her friends' table, leaving Choso alone with his thoughts.

He downed the remainder of his drink and pulled out his phone, setting it on the counter and staring at it for a few seconds.

Just put myself out there... He gulped. Picking up his phone, he brought up your message thread and took a deep breath, willing his fingers to type despite his trembling nerves. See what happens...

'Will you meet me at the usual place tomorrow at sunset?'

'Sure, Cho! Let's go for boba after, too!'

He chuckled at your usual thoughtfulness.

Yuki's right. Even if they don't feel the same, they wouldn't be cruel to me. Whatever they decide, I can respect their decision - as their friend or as something more...

(The Next Day)

Choso arrived at the base of the oak tree and hour before sunset, his erhu leaning against the trunk of the tree. The park was nearly empty, save for a small handful of stragglers, still waiting out the last couple hours of daylight before making their way home for the night. He fidgeted with the small bouquet of flowers he'd picked up on his way here, after getting some last-minute advice from Yuki.

They shouldn't be here for another half hour... He gulped, his leg bouncing nervously as he attempted, unsuccessfully to calm himself. I don't think I've ever been so nervous...

He sighed and brought his erhu out of it's case, carefully setting the bouquet down at the foot of the tree trunk. I have been finding that playing seems to calm my nerves. Maybe I'll feel better after I've practiced the song one more time before they get here...

Choso prepared the instrument, ensuring it was properly in-tune, settling into a playing position. By this point, the park was completely empty. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, starting to play the song, his thoughts filled of nothing but you. Allowing himself to get lost in the song, he didn't realize that you had already started to approach.

You heard him before you'd seen him. Walking along the pathway, the air was filled with a beautiful sound that almost seemed to transcend time and reality itself. In awe, you continued along the way until he was in view.

And then you saw him.

Just up the hill, under the oak tree, he stood, playing the most beautiful song you'd ever heard, completely unaware that you were watching. Careful not to disturb him, you decided to get closer, settling to sit on your knees on the soft grass in front of him.

He was beautiful.

As he drew out the final note, he let out a long, deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. When he looked down to see you gazing up at him, he gasped and nearly dropped the instrument.

"That was beautiful..." You sighed dreamily, beaming at the panicked man before you.

"No, no, no..." He stammered, shaking his head frantically as he set the erhu aside, quickly grabbing the bouquet and turning to face you. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this..."

"Huh?" You tilted your head in confusion. "What wasn't supposed to happen?"

"I-I got these for you," he stammered, dropping to his knees so he could be eye-level with you on the grass, offering you the fragrant bouquet of blood chrysanthemum and laceleaf.

"Cho..." you gasped, gently taking the bouquet in your arms. "That's so sweet of you! But...what's the occasion?"

Choso continued to trip and stumble over his words, hardly making any sense the long he went on.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down," you hushed him with a hand on his shoulder, holding eye contact with him to keep his attention on you, settling the bouquet on your lap. "Breathe with me for a moment, okay?"

"But I-"

"Breathe, Cho," you stressed. "Catch your breath, then start from the beginning. I'm not going anywhere."

"I...alright." He closed his eyes and breathed in deep through his nose, then out through his mouth, repeating this process a few times until he found his center. When his eyes opened, they were still filled with what you could only describe as a sort of...fear. But at least he was calm. "I had everything planned out."

You were unsure where this was going, but waited patiently for him to continue.

"Do you remember back when you asked if I'd had any hobbies; do you remember that musician that performed here that day?" He asked, looking up at you from under his eyebrows. You smiled to yourself, giggling internally at his puppy-like expressions; but you simply gave him a nod. "I remember how you looked at them with this manner of...adoration; and I...I wanted you to look at me like that."

"Choso..." you began, feeling your cheeks flushing with anticipation. "Are you telling me you've been teaching yourself to play that instrument for me?"

"I'm sorry..." He gulped and simply nodded, reaching out to take your hands in his own. "I value our friendship, you know that; and I always will if that's all it can ever be."

"...but?"

"But I want us to be more than that; more than friends." You were taken aback by the earnest way he spoke to you, holding your hands up to his chest so you could feel his heart pounding. "I know I still have so much more to learn about being truly human, and maybe I have no right to ask this of you, but-"

"I love you, Cho." The words left your lips before you had the cognizance to stop them, clasping your hands over your mouth in shock. Choso just gawked at you, wide-eyed and entirely speechless, his usually snow-pale skin flushed bright red. As if his body were moving on it's own, he reached out to take your hands in his once more, and you felt him gently guide you into his arms until you'd settled your cheek against his chest, sitting curled up between his legs.

"I love you..." His voice wavered as he spoke right beside your ear. His arms tightened around you, holding you so tightly you almost felt short of breath. He tilted your chin up with one hand, craning his neck down to hover his lips half an inch away from yours. "So much..."

Then his lips were on yours; soft and unsure at first, then he molded his mouth over yours more passionately, his heart thundering in his chest. He felt as though his skin was on fire in the most addicting way, and no matter how tightly he held you, it was maddening that he couldn't seem to feel you any closer. When you pulled away for air, his eyes fluttered open to meet yours again, both of you panting as though you'd run a marathon.

"I'm so lucky..." He sighed, eyes glossy with tears of bliss. He touched his forehead to yours, reveling in the feeling of closeness he'd been craving with you for so long. "So lucky..."

('Persephone' - Tamino)

Can he sing? 🎤 He can, though he doesn't think he's very good, but as soon as you heard him sing, you know immediately he was being far too uncharitable with himself. He has a warm, deep timbre to his voice that gives you goosebumps, and a rich resonance that comes right from his chest that lends itself well to songs in lower registers. You probably won't ever catch him singing in front of anyone else, but he enjoys singing to you (and even with you, if you also like to sing) since it seems to make you so happy.

The first time you heard Choso sing was when you'd managed to land yourself in the hospital after a particularly nasty solo-mission (this was during the year he'd been learning to play the Erhu). You'd been out for days, but Choso had remained at your bedside ever since you'd arrived, apparently refusing to leave after visiting hours were over.

When your eyes finally fluttered open, you were greeted with the sight of him fast asleep with his head on your lap and his hand on yours. When you softly spoke his name, he stirred for a couple seconds before jolting up.

"You're awake!" he gasped, reaching out to hold your cheek in his hand. "How you do you feel?"

"I've been better" you winced, still feeling the aches in your body. "But I'm glad you're here, Cho."

"Hah..." he sighed, pressing his forehead to yours, causing your heart to skip a beat. "I was so afraid I'd lost you..."

"Never." You have his other hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance. He opened his mouth to say something more, but stopped himself.

"What is it?" you asked, casting your gaze into his with concerned curiosity.

"Can I hold you...?"

"Of course you can," you chuckled wryly, feeling your pulse pick up even more. "Just be gentle with me; I'm still pretty sore."

Choso carefully climbed into the hospital bed with you, carefully pulling you into his chest, handling you as though you were made of glass. When he settled, you could hear the steady sound of his deep breaths. He had one arm wrapped around you, holding you close, and the other by your jaw, caressing your cheek with the side of his thumb. You'd never been this close to him - not outside of having given him a friendly hug once or twice. You couldn't help but realize how right it felt to curl up with him like this.

"Are you still tired?" he asked finally. "Can I do anything? To make you more comfortable?"

"You can sing me to sleep," you joked softly, eyelids growing heavy.

"I don't think you'll enjoy my singing..." Choso sometimes didn't quite understand sarcasm right away, and to your surprise, took your request literally. "But I'll try..."

Before you could clarify, he started singing in a soft, deep voice, smoother than silk. You could feel the rumbling of each note through his chest where your head rested. A part of you wanted to listen to him for hours, but the moment soothed you to the edge of sleep within minutes.

"Cho..." you mumbled, only half-conscious. Your next words unintentionally tumbled past your lips, but you were far too tired to stop them, nor would you remember them when you woke up. "I love you..."

He stopped singing immediately, feeling his heart practically leap out of his chest. "What did you say?"

He craned his neck down to see your face, but you were out cold, snoring softly as you remained cuddled into his chest.

Did I hear that right...?

He brushed a strand of hair away from your face, admiring your sleeping form before sighing and resting his head on the top of your head, pulling the hospital blanket higher over your shoulders to keep you warm. He whispered the words he'd kept inside for so long, knowing you couldn't hear him, but meaning it with every fiber of his being. He felt a small weight lift off his shoulders, though it would still be quite some time before these words would be spoken outside the ether of blissful slumber.

"I love you...so much..."

| ♡ | ♡ | ♡ | ♡ | ♡ |

Remember, if y'all want to see entries for other characters that haven't been listed in this post, let me know in the comments and I may continue the series for other characters (Yuji, Nobara, Toge, Maki, Yuki, Toji, etc) ♡

That's all, folks! Thanks for reading!

~ Pyretta Wychwiggin

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fictionturnedherbrain · 2 years ago

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The Scarlet Pimpernel (BBC, 1999)

Episode 3, A King’s Ransom, or The Kidnapped King

I decided to dig out the DVDs and rewatch the less than popular 1990s BBC adaptation of The Scarlet Pimpernel books at a remove of some years and hopefully with a more objective review! However, I still haven’t recovered from the first episode and probably never will, so I decided to skip to the third instalment, which is a take on Eldorado.

Once again, Percy plans to rescue the Dauphin, who is randomly in an orphanage instead of the Temple, but the snag this time is that someone has beaten the League to the prize and run off with the young King Louis XVII, demanding a ransom from Robespierre, who for some reason wants the boy alive. The Incorruptible enlists Chauvelin’s help to recover the national hostage, while Percy and Marguerite stage a very public separation and she returns to Paris incognito to help the League achieve the same goal.

The good:

I must admit that I love the theme tune by Michal Pavlicek, and even bought the soundtrack on CD. The little ditty that the Dauphin is taught to sing at the orphanage – First we kill the King, then we kill the Queen, Send them both to the guillotine – is also annoyingly catchy.

There some neat ‘kisses with history’ in this episode, including Suzanne Bertish playing the Chevalier D’Orly, based on the real life transgender spy and swordsman, Chevalier D’Eon, and a national auction of émigré property and possessions to raise money for the Republic and the French Army.

I also like that Marguerite is shown to be an active part of the League – yes, she helps out in a couple of the original stories, and she is identified as a League member, but mainly her role is to wait and worry. The crazy plan to stage a public separation makes absolutely no sense, and neither does Chauvelin’s lovesick trust that she really has left her husband, but watching a brief glimpse of Marguerite St Just, toast of the Comedie Francaise (or Theatre des Artes, just to be awkward) is fun.

And I will take any nod to the original stories I can get, so bonus points for the League disguised as soldiers rescuing the Dauphin’s physician just before the real thing arrive to arrest him!

The not so good:

Along with stripping Percy of his disguises – Percy wears a tricolour sash and rosette over his own clothes and calls it a day – and drawing out the lazy love triangle from the 1982 film/Broadway musical, the motto of this series really is, ‘Screw that, we’re doing things our way!’ Louis XVI, Marie Antoinette and their two surviving children were lodged in the Temple from August 1792. The Dauphin was removed from his mother and placed with the Simons in July 1793, where he eventually died in 1795. So why the hell is the Dauphin now in the ‘Egalite Orphanage’? And also, why does Percy take the flaming uncrowned king of France back to England with him? Do the Blakeneys adopt him, or something? Let Austria have him, as planned. Far easier.

Speaking of the love triangle. Even assuming that Sir Percy would stage a screaming match with his wife in front of all their friends and a very convenient French spy – ‘Be silent, you damn French hoyden!’ is not how I ever imagined Sir Percy addressing his beloved Marguerite – I would expect Chauvelin to be more than a trifle suspicious. He even challenges Robespierre, while simultaneously blowing his only protection – ‘Why do you trust her when you know that she is the wife of the Scarlet Pimpernel? Blakeney – is – the – Pimpernel!’ – but doesn’t stop to wonder if Marguerite might just be in cahoots with said Pimpernel. It’s a weird subplot that both intrigues and irritates me.

And speaking of the Pimpernel. Richard E Grant’s portrayal is the laziest take on the character to date. Never mind the lack of disguises, he spends most of his time in Paris being measured for new clothes by Planchet the tailor, sitting around in frilly shirts while members of the League – mainly Sir Andrew, Planchet and another guy called Mazarini in this series – report back to him. Where is Sir Percy the micromanager of Orczy’s books? Nor will we talk about his advice to Marguerite, back in Paris and working with both Chauvelin and Robespierre, when she asks him how far she should go: ‘Only as far as the bedroom door. A woman on her back is a distinct disadvantage.’ MON DIEU, Percy would never!

And dear lord in heaven, he’s just Sir Percy, not Percival! If Marguerite doesn’t know that, perhaps they should call it quits.

The ugly:

Elizabeth McGovern, bless her, was not the best choice for Marguerite. Not only does she look older that her character in Downton Abbey ten years later, but her English accent really grates on the ears – ‘Passy!’ – and I had to laugh when Suzanne Bertish’s character told her, ‘Diction, Marguerite, diction! Lips, teeth, tongue!’ Why on earth didn’t they let the American actress speak naturally and pretend that she sounded different because Marguerite has a French accent – or you know, cast a French actress? She also has zero chemistry with Richard E Grant. Not a trace. The reunion kiss between Percy and Marguerite outside the theatre in Paris is the most awkward mashing of lips I have ever seen on screen. (I did enjoy Chauvelin’s double take at her guilty look afterwards, however!)

The dialogue. A sample:

Chevalier D’Orly: I’m proposing to kill you!

Percy: That’ll be interesting, I’ve never been killed before.

Also, all of the icky ‘flirting’ between Chauvelin and Marguerite: Perhaps we were never friends. But we were lovers. I have the memories to prove it. And then he’s actually gutted when he finally figures out that ‘the separation was a sham’.

I nearly forgot about the main fault of this episode: It’s one and a half hour long and about twenty minutes of that runtime is a tedious swordfight. That was the longest recap ever!

Honestly, compared to the first episode, this wasn’t too horrific – as a random historical drama. For fans of the books and the film adaptations, the treatment of Sir Percy and Marguerite – and even Chauvelin, who looks more like Gerard Depardieu playing Danton – still hurts. Sir Percy pimping his wife out to her ex (‘so the last piece is in place’ – ‘and such a pretty piece!’), relying on ‘the faithful Andrew’ to do all the work for him, and questioning a witness in public BEFORE agreeing to get her out of Paris and then being surprised when she is murdered. Marguerite somehow being accepted by the French public after running away to marry an English baronet – ‘Go back to England, you traitor!’ – when some random in the audience bursts into a round of La Marseillaise (and nobody knows any of the words). She stole that trick from Yvonne in Casablanca. Marguerite’s appalling lack of subtlety while spying on someone and then ransacking their dressing room when they leave – check for the maid first, Margot! Chauvelin getting in a snit with Robespierre and then casually announcing that BLAKENEY IS THE PIMPERNEL.

Other than that, though: 3/5

And I might cap the episode if I can figure out how!

#the scarlet pimpernel #sir percy blakeney #marguerite st just #the scarlet pimpernel 1999 #richard e grant #elizabeth mcgovern #martin shaw #a king's ransom #episode review

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taechaos · 4 years ago

Text

No More

from Textbook Love drabble series

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: dark romance, college au

synopsis: Perhaps love isn’t all you need to be with Jungkook. Maybe it's a sign you and him weren't meant to be.

warnings: fluff, daddy kink, public sex, degredation, mild angst

word count: 6.7k

a/n: dedicated to a good old gemini, known as pretzel anon. happy birthday! this was shit! 💞 can someone let me know if i made a stupid mistake i was really high while writing this lol

If every couple goes at their own pace, how does one know if the relationship is rushed or a slow burn? What is considered a date, and how many do you have to go on to stop calling it a date? Maybe there’s a book called Dating for Dummies.

Jungkook has taken you out once: a fast food meal on the curb across your campus. Romance is subjective, so you thought it to be very romantic when he fed you a french fry under the streetlights while you were too stuffed to finish your food. “I paid for it,” he’d said, “so you have to eat it all.”

“I’ll eat anything from your hand,” you’d replied bashfully. He got a bit awkward after that, and you regretted saying it until he began feeding you and even holding your drink to your mouth. It was a successful first date, but you wanted it to last longer; feel your heartbeat out of rhythm with every smile he threw at you until the sun came up. Unfortunately for you, he walked you to your dorm a little after dinner.

Luckily for you, you know that wasn’t your first and last date. You’re going to ask him out for the second one because it’s a beautiful day outside and you’ve studied all morning for your finals to clear up your schedule for Jungkook. A walk in the park sounds nice, then a picnic, maybe he’ll even hold your hand! Is it too soon for another date though? It’s only been less than a day…

You’re wearing your favorite outfit for the occasion: a pale blue floral dress that has a rectangular collar on the chest—without cleavage, God forbid—and sandal heels to match. You even styled your hair, and hopefully dressing to impress works; you don’t want him to say no. The current issue is finding Jungkook, and you don’t want to be that person, but you’re avoiding calling him in case you bust him with another girl by searching instead. It makes you guilty for having trust issues, but infidelity has its impacts.

Regardless of your internal concerns, you’re happily humming as you skip on the sidewalk, checking every corner for a certain someone. So far no such luck, and if he isn’t in his dorm, and if he doesn’t go off campus on Sundays, where could he be? In someone else’s dorm…?

“Stop,” you scold yourself with a roll of your eyes and continue your hunt. Next location: the back of the building. The front is cleared out, so is the dorm; what’s happening in the most secretive area? “God,” you sigh. Is this how your thinking process has always been? You hope it is.

The beat in your steps has gone missing when you’re rounding the exterior of the building because of your reluctance. You’re contemplating calling him until you see the back of a man with a girl in front of him by the benches, presumably kissing from the smacking noises. You clench your phone in your dress pocket as you watch them, hesitant to find out who the guy is.

“Jun–” Your voice goes quiet when you see the tattoo of a dragon on his shoulder, peeking out from his black loose tank top. It’s not Jungkook’s tattoo. You bite your lip and ignore the relief in your tight muscles; he’s dating you now, that’s what he said. It’s different, so there’s no point in worrying about his loyalty.

You shake your hands off and walk faster to the taboo spot. There’s no point in worrying, there isn’t, not when he told you he would make it up to you. There’s no reason for your heart to race from expecting the worst when you make the final turn.

A shaky breath leaves you and a small smile follows when you see him smoking with his friends by the back exit. There are four people with him, Taehyung included, who is sharing a cigarette with him. He notices you first because he’s facing you whereas Jungkook is facing the clear forest across. He waves you over with a wide grin, his eyes lighting up.

“I see a pretty girl at 9 o’clock,” Taehyung says and Jungkook turns his head, the rest following his lead. You take tiny strides while approaching them and bite down on a shy smile.

“Hi,” you greet in a small voice. Your eyes immediately lock with Jungkook’s, who looks baffled.

“Hey yourself,” Taehyung greets back. “Care to share?” He holds a burning cigarette out to you with a slight bow, as if offering you a rose.

“She doesn’t smoke,” Jungkook answers for you without looking away. Is he displeased?

“Have you ever tried it?” he persists before inhaling the stick and blowing it in your face. You cough and hold a fist to your mouth, shaking your head. Jungkook slaps the back of his head before taking the cigarette from him and putting it out on the wall he’s leaning against. “You owe me a whole pack now.”

“Care to introduce us?” a guy you don’t know asks curiously.

“Oh, right–”

Jungkook cuts him off before putting names onto the three strangers’ faces, Namjoon being the one who asked for the introduction, and when he comes to you, he says, “Meet… my girlfriend.”

“Thought you said she was a lousy nerd, Taehyung,” Yoongi comments before chugging from his flask. “Doesn’t look like it to me.” Taehyung chuckles uncomfortably before rubbing the nape of his neck as you tilt your head at him, the glint in your eyes never fading at Jungkook’s words.

“I didn’t get a close look at her before, didn’t know she was a real beauty,” he recovers with a flirt. Another slap on the back of his head.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Seokjin diverts the topic. He appears very nice and seems to be the only one not smoking. His friendly smile puts you at ease and you politely tell him, “The pleasure is all mine.” Good first impression on all of Jungkook’s friends: check.

Your boyfriend ignores the interaction and stares at you until you gaze at him as well. “What are you doing here?” You can’t read his expression.

“I wanted to ask you…” you play with your fingers nervously, “if you wanted to go to the park with me?”

Jungkook quirks a brow as Namjoon and Seokjin wiggle their brows, Taehyung frowns, and Yoongi smirks. Quite brave of you to ask him out in front of his smoker friends, and it’s impressive that you play into such a role of textbook love: only caring about what your crush thinks. When Jungkook peeks to see their reactions, more or less weighing their judgement, he’s satisfied when he realizes none of them give a flying fuck about him being with a girl next door; someone outside of his type of rather than a free escort, really.

He doesn’t care about what they think when he smiles down at you and says, “Let’s go.” You bounce on your heels when he swings his arm over your shoulder and walks away from the scene. The unsteady heartbeat is back for the same reason as last time, but you’re waiting to request something else.

The park near the university is peaceful with groups of friends hanging out; couples sitting on benches; the sun shining down on the trees and grass as you aim for the ice cream stand. You try to muster up the courage to ask him first, but you’re feeling courageous as you pull away from his arm and instead latch onto his hand and intertwine your fingers. You glance at him with a blush to see his reaction, but he doesn’t look at you and only squeezes your hand nonchalantly. His grip is tighter than yours. Maybe it’s from the heat, but his cheeks are tinted in a light pink shade.

You stumble on your heels when you stare at him for too long, but you recover from a fall last second. He holds onto you anyway, furrowing his brows at your shoes. “High heels? Are you trying to reach my height?”

“You like them,” you giggle and continue your struts more carefully. When he frowns, you worry, “Do I not look good in them?”

“Why would I like them if you can’t walk in them? You look pretty in flats too.”

After a whole afternoon of eating ice cream, blushing at anything nice Jungkook said, listening to his music while sitting under the sun, the evening has come. Throughout the day, you were dreading the end of it because every second with him is so enjoyable. The warmth of his hand when you play with his fingers is a feeling you never want to forget, and you didn’t notice the little smile on his face when you were lying on his chest as he watched you do the most endearing and innocent thing one could think of.

“So precious,” he’d thought. It makes the argument from yesterday feel all the more terrifying when he remembers how close he had gotten to losing this moment. It’s nothing he’s ever experienced or even seen before; plain jackpot.

You’re off the school grounds as you walk on the streets passing cafés with Jungkook, hands locked and feeling perfect. You wonder if he has ever done this with anyone before, but then he’s never been in a relationship. Who are the people that comment in his Instagram posts then? A question strikes you, and you admire his side profile as you ask, “You don’t like it when people call you– Ah!” Your balance wavers as you stumble again, this time falling on your knees after your ankle bends. With the pain tolerance of a baby’s, your eyes instantly water and you let go of his hand as you hold onto your ankle. It’s sprained.

“Shit, are you okay?” He crouches down and picks you up bridal style before sitting you down on a nearby chair. The café’s lights allow him to see the scrape on your knee and the bump on your ankle. “Hey, hey, don’t cry now,” he rubs your injury soothingly as he cringes at your tears. He doesn’t know how to comfort you as you whimper and sniffle.

“Damn these heels,” you cry quietly.

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise at your wording. “This is my second time hearing you swear. Swearing apparently helps with pain though. Say ‘fuck’.”

A chuckle leaves your mouth, but you decide to try it anyway; the throbbing muscle hurts too much. “F-Fuck.”

“Fuck these heels,” he encourages.

“Fuck these fucking heels,” you level. Maybe the theory is correct, because it feels slightly better when he laughs at your rare vulgarity. A minute passes with you trying to keep your tears at bay while he lightly massages your wound.

When he notices you calm down, he asks, “I don’t like it when people call me…?”

You sniffle and rub your eyes before saying a few seconds later, “Daddy.”

He blinks, stares at you, and his heart skips a beat. With your soft pout and red nose, you look so little to him. “... Yes?”

“Huh?”

“Oh,” he smoothly snaps out of his shock, “I don’t have that kink… Um, say it again?”

“Daddy?”

It sounds different hearing it from you. Without the drawn out whine or the eggplant emoji next to it, and with your voice, it actually sounds cute. “What does that word mean to you?” he shifts the conversation with a subtle blush.

“I don’t know. You call a fatherly figure daddy, right? A man who takes care of you. People say it during sex too. You’re being a daddy right now.”

“Stop,” he warns lowly, “we’re in public.” He stands up from his kneeling position and picks you up in his arms again. “Have you ever called anyone that?”

You clasp your hands behind his neck as he walks with ease, as if he isn’t carrying anyone in the first place. “No. My dad walked out on my mom when I was little, and I haven’t met anyone who treats me like you do.”

“Wait, you… think of me as your… daddy?” His eyes are wide and he’s gaping at the path in front of him with knitted brows. He looks so intimidating when you scrutinize his features, but you know he’s just flustered. You timidly nod against his shoulders. “Christ. Why?”

Your answer isn’t immediate because you don’t want to come off as too strong, but he’s impatient as he squeezes your waist. “I know you don’t want people to call you that,” you whisper understandingly, “but you’re so mean to others, and you hurt anyone who upsets you.” He rolls his tongue around his cheek uncomfortably. “Whether it be with words or actions. But you’re so sweet to me… You can be really rude, but you care a lot too. You don’t even smoke around me,” you laugh lightheartedly.

“I mean, you are a baby. You make it difficult to not treat you like one,” he jokes with a hint of truth. You snuggle into his neck with a lopsided grin and your breath fans his tan skin. “I don’t like being an asshole to you, but I’m not exactly a nice person either.”

“You’re carrying me to my dorm,” you point out as a counter.

“I’m only nice to you; somewhat. And… I don’t like being called daddy by horny women, or men for that matter. I’ve never liked it, so I’m not exactly sure why I’m hard right now.” You tense against him. “Something about your sweet, innocent voice calling me daddy is really fucking hot.” He sighs to collect his thoughts; he can’t wait until he’s in your room. It would just be torture. “Did you get on birth control, baby?” He keeps his volume low in case of someone eavesdropping.

“Yes,” you mumble and grow nervous at what he’s thinking.

“Good girl,” he exhales and swiftly enters an empty alley between two restaurants. “Quite the slut too, telling me all this in a crowd.”

“I’m sorry,” you breathe as he presses you against the wall and has you wrapping your legs around his waist. He’s so thoughtful, carrying you even when he’s shaming you so you don’t put pressure on your injured foot. The shadows casting from the walls in the narrow space limits your vision, but you don’t need to see anything when he’s doing all the work by rendering you immobile from the press of his hips.

“Good choice with the dress,” he says while pulling out his belt and releasing the buckle. You hold onto him tightly without the security of his hands. He pushes his jeans down and has you towering over him by adjusting your position from the back of your thighs. Your breathing is quick and shallow from the anxious anticipation of the raw stretch, but he’s so nice to you today: he shoves your panties to the side and rubs your folds to collect your arousal as lube. He’s being thoughtful by relaxing your walls with his fingers first, and you bite down on a moan at the sensation. He’s still taking care of you by silencing you with a bruising kiss.

“Thank you,” you sigh against his lips. His two knuckles are deep inside you as they curl and scissor. As nice as he is, he’s also very impatient and it’s not long before you feel his tip lightly poking at your entrance.

“Ideal for a quick fuck.” He flashes a dazzling smile before it falters in order to concentrate on positioning himself. He closes his eyes and bites his lip as he slowly enters you, a lot more gentle considering the setting and knowing how vocal you get. A hum rumbles in his throat as you gasp when he’s halfway inside. When he bottoms out, he waits a few seconds for you to adjust before his rough nature returns. “You gonna stay quiet for me, little girl?”

“I’ll try.” Your heart is pounding in your chest when he leans in your ear, his breath tickling your neck.

“You know that’s not what I wanna hear,” he whispers. He isn’t going to fuck you until you say what he wants, and your diffidence doesn’t make an appearance when his fingers are digging so hard into your thighs, his breath is hot on your skin, and he’s completely nestled inside you.

You lean into his ear as well, and meekly say, “I’ll try my best, daddy.” You can feel him shiver under your hands and hear him grunt, “God,” before he starts moving. Fast. You’d think he’s in a rush from how his pace picked up so quickly—roughly—but he may have just discovered his new kink.

There’s no point in being quiet when the slam of his cock is enough noise deep in the alley, and he realizes that before you do. You’re bouncing in his arms, mouth open in a silent scream with only huffs leaving to not expose your doings, until he growls, “Say it again. Again and again.”

The chilly breeze from the night weather doesn’t affect you when he has you flush against him, and heat creeps all over your body not only from his hard and impatient thrusts but also from his words. “Daddy,” you whine, the same drawn out whine that he used to hate hearing; it makes his abs contract and clench now, a groan catching in his throat. He sounds almost animalistic, and your eyes screw back in pleasure.

“Quiet, you fucking slut,” he reminds with a following moan.

“I-I’m sorry, daddy,” you whisper in a strained voice. You can’t keep your vocal cords steady when he’s knocking the breath out of you every time he hits your cervix so deliciously. Jungkook’s a total paradox when he’s being so aggressive yet sweet at the same time, but it feels too good for you to complain. Your head is in the clouds when he bites on your shoulder to practice what he preaches: being quiet.

“Do you love me?” Maybe that’s not the way you should go on about asking to hear his sweet nothings, because he bites you so hard that you feel his teeth break your skin.

“The fuck kind of question is that?” he snarls. He licks a drop of your blood off of his lips when he faces you, but the bruising pistoning of his cock doesn’t differ; maybe slams into you even harder. “Hm? Answer me, dumb little slut.” He pinches your thigh cruelly, emitting a pained gasp from you.

“I just want to hear you say it, please daddy,” you mewl. “I love you so much.”

“Keep fucking begging.”

You initially thought Jungkook became more honest and affectionate when you’re being intimate, but it seems that one word brings out a different side to him: wild and sadistic. Perhaps there are two sides of him being a daddy, one not so much of a fatherly figure. Controlling, dominating, and violent. You’ve received too many bruises in one night.

“Please, please, please, pretty please,” you comply in a cry and hug him tighter.

“Missing something,” he tuts with a breathless laugh. “I love you, stupid girl, more than anything.” He stops ramming into you, and the drag of his throbbing length loses its pace but not its strength. “So, so fucking much,” he strains before slamming into you one last time for his release. With him stuck brushing against your sensitive spot and his shaky moan, your lashes flutter and you clench down on him with the intoxicating wave of your orgasm coursing through your trembling figure. You whimper his name as his cum fills you, the warmth coating your walls while you lose your sense of awareness.

“Stand on one leg,” he breathes. You know he’s referring to your safe foot, so you disentangle your legs from his waist and stand. The only sound aside from the drown out dialogues from the restaurants nearby is your panting. Though he’s just as drained of energy as you are, he adjusts your dress and underwear for you, even fixing your hair before he pulls up his pants and lifts you. “Don’t call me that around others by the way– especially Taehyung.”

“I promise,” you assure with a chuckle.

The next day, a dreadful Monday, is not so bad when you get to link with your boyfriend and other friends by your usual spot on the benches. You don’t have a lot of lectures throughout the day, and you sit next to Jungkook who’s chatting with Taehyung and Yoongi after your long morning lecture in the afternoon. You peck his cheek as a greeting with a lovesick grin, and the former annoyed look on his face vanishes when he sees you. Soyeon and Minnie are close by, and thankfully there’s no tension between anyone. You’re forgiving, but you aren’t going to forget.

“So you two are actually back together, huh?” Taehyung says with a mocking smile. “What goes around comes around, Kookie.”

“Taehyung, you’re not making this any easier on yourself,” Yoongi murmurs.

Jungkook scoffs and rolls his tongue around his cheek—an irritated habit. “Well then Tae, I’m going to be polite and ask you to not be a homewrecker.”

“I have been hanging around Soyeon too much lately…” he jokes with a tilt of his head.

“Don’t turn this on me,” she says with a quirked brow, tone as soft as Jungkook remembers. You sit back and sigh at their bickering. “I didn’t know his name, you have no excuse to be flirting with her.”

“He isn’t–” You can’t get a word in when Jungkook agrees, “She’s fucking right, you know. Stop tailing around me to get a look up at her skirt.”

“I am not–"

“Oh for God’s sake,” Yoongi sighs like you do. Both of you share a guilty look, apologizing on each other’s behalf. It’s only when you start tracing the tattoos on Jungkook’s arm that he finally looks at you.

“You like it?” he asks, a bit smugly. You nod with a tiny smile. His tongue darts out to lick his lips before he pecks yours, and says, “I’ll add your name to the collection. Thinking of inking my knuckles.”

A blush from his kiss, and a bashful smile from his idea graces your face when you cutely pout, “No…” He laughs at your very obviously fake denial and closes in on you, teasing in a whisper, “Yeah? You like that?”

“Look at you two being so adorable,” Taehyung interrupts with a dreamy sigh, “but I want ice cream.” He holds his hands up by his elbows on the oak table and leans his face on them with fluttering eyelashes. “Kookie? Ice cweam? Pwease?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jungkook winces at the disgustingly cutesy face he makes, and you release a humoured breath at the friendlier banter. “Go buy it yourself, moron.”

“I don’t have money and I want her tea on how you two made up,” he flutters his lashes again with his fingers intertwined; begging so silly. “Pretty please.”

“Now I’m definitely not going to leave you alone with her.”

“Baby,” you interject, and his eyes widen at the nickname. “I want ice cream too.”

He flashes a quick glare at Taehyung, easily giving into your needs with a sigh. “You’re paying, fuckface.” He snatches his wallet the moment it’s out of his pocket and walks off while spinning it between his fingertips.

“He stole my fucking wallet,” he frowns without offence. “Oh well. So…” his eyes trail to you with a mischievous glint, “you never smoked before, right?”

You shake your head, a bit curious—albeit amused—as to where he’s going with this.

“You wanna know something? Jungkook reeeaaally likes smokers,” he stretches his hands for emphasis. It piques your interest, and you raise a brow. “I can teach you. We have to do it fast, before he comes from the store. Okay?”

“Um… okay,” you laugh as he switches seats from across you to Jungkook’s spot.

He takes out his pack where his lighter is also stuffed as he speaks, “So what I’m gonna do is teach you how to shotgun.”

“You can’t do that with a cigarette,” Yoongi states in boredom, a plain contrast to Taehyung’s hyperactivity. “Don’t listen to him. He’s lying to you.”

“Oh, shut the fuck– okay, sorry, didn’t mean to say that.” He turns to you with glimmering excitement, “It’ll be easier on you if we do it with a shotgun.” You merely shrug because you don’t even know what that means. He sticks a cigarette in his mouth before holding up a hand to his lighter, inhaling until the tip burns. Smoke flies past his lips as he explains, “You inhale from the filter, but don’t inhale too much. You’re going to cough, maybe feel a little lightheaded since it’s your first time, but try to hold it in, okay?”

Taehyung peeks behind Yoongi before shifting his attention to you. He takes another drag from the cigarette but doesn’t exhale. “Okay,” you say with a nod, sharing his excitement at a new experience that Jungkook could potentially approve of. You can rely on Taehyung’s honesty, though the bad memory from before leaves a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you’re ready to create better memories with him. He flips the stick until the filter is between your lips.

He wraps his lips around the tip and your eyebrows shoot up at the proximity. He holds your face between his large palms, and the cigarette is hidden behind his hands. He leans closer and nods at you, and you take the cue to inhale. You hear Yoongi blow out a deep breath just as you take in a shallow one. The urge to cough strikes you instantly, and you hold it in the best you can; your cheeks puff out as you slightly wheeze, and smoke leaves from both your mouth and nose. That’s when Taehyung pulls back, the intense eye contact gone, and you hear Yoongi scoff and the heavy footsteps of someone else. You cough into your hand when Taehyung slips it out of your mouth and holds it under the table.

“What the fuck?” Jungkook asks incredulously and throws three wrapped popsicles on the bench. You feel slightly dizzy when your small coughing fit ends, and you grow confused as to why your boyfriend is glaring at you with such intensity as his eyes flicker back and forth between you and Taehyung.

“Had to take you up on the homewrecker offer–” Taehyung’s sentence is cut off when Jungkook pulls him up by his collar, hesitates with his fist flying midway, then forcefully pushes him onto the pavement instead. He’s also confused– frantic, and doesn’t know what to do.

You’re semi-conscious of what he’s doing, but consuming nicotine for the first time leaves you feeling quite strange. You feel like you’ll stumble if you try to stand up, and slur if you speak, so you just wait it out.

“What– Why are you just sitting there?” he asks you with violent gestures. “What the fuck?” He holds onto his head, and all of your friends are quiet as they watch him. They must have missed you smoking for the first time. Yoongi waits for him to stop pacing.

“It’s not what you think, Jungkook,” Yoongi calmly tells him. What is he thinking though? “I know it looked–”

“The fuck it did! Right fucking in front of me? How the fuck are you so calm?” he yells.

“Hm?” you say. He watches you in astonishment: bottom lip jutting out and brows scrunched. If he didn’t see you shamelessly kissing Taehyung out in the open, he would be doubting his own vision because of how unbothered you seem. It bewilders him; why aren’t you reacting at all?

“They weren’t–”

“It took almost one fucking week of dating for you to resort to this?” Taehyung is still on the ground as he sends you a warning glance, Yoongi is unbothered by the ordeal because he’s constantly interrupted, and Jungkook is fuming at you while you just sit there.

“I was just curious,” you relate to the cigarette that is still lit beneath the grass next to Taehyung.

An astounded laugh is his only response as Taehyung smiles at you, but you’re only looking at Jungkook. “And here I thought, like a fucking idiot, that you were the only girl unlike my mother. And you,” he looks at his old friend with menace, “show your face around me, and I won’t hold back again. God, I need to kill someone,” he sighs before storming off. So he doesn’t like cigarettes?

When the fog in your mind begins to clear up, you stand to go after him just as Taehyung blocks your path. “I need to tell him I won’t smoke again,” you try to push him aside, but he doesn’t budge.

He laughs. “It’s not about that. He thinks you and I kissed because I made it look like it.” Just as you’re about to confront him, he clarifies, “Listen, I just want his reaction on this, okay? Don’t you want him to feel how you felt when he kissed your friend?”

“I’m over that.”

“Are you though?” No, you aren’t. “Aren’t you paranoid? All nervous when he’s around other girls? Or even when he’s just not around you?” Your silence prompts him to continue, “You’ll truly forgive him if you take revenge. You know he won’t do it again if he feels the same way you felt.”

“But that’s cruel…” you try to reason.

“And what he did wasn’t?”

Like the little devil on your shoulder, he enters your mind and reads it for his own agenda. What is his intention? Do what he couldn’t do with his ex? Is he… helping you? What he did was bad, so why aren’t you calling him out for it?

“What do I do?” you dodge his question. He knows the answer anyway.

He smiles with satisfaction. “Let’s talk it over a few cigarettes, hm?”

Back to square one– no, square zero. At square one, you could at least interact with Jungkook, do his homework and have him kiss you when he was satisfied; you don’t have anything to do with him now. Taehyung warned you of this, told you Jungkook would start seeing other people and avoid you unless he wanted to hurt you. How he knows him so well is beyond you, because that’s exactly what happens in the next four days.

You watch him from afar like before, see that scowl on his face that you haven’t seen in a long time after you met. Only two aspects have changed: the eye contact and Taehyung’s lack of presence around him. Jungkook’s eyes are always on you, filled with so much disdain and hatred, even when he’s kissing another girl. Smoking stops you from crying because of how dizzy you get, and Taehyung is always with you – waiting. Both of you are waiting for Jungkook to do something, and it’s a surprise Taehyung still hasn’t been beaten to a pulp for just talking to you.

Maybe it’s a sign that you and him weren’t meant to be. In the span of a short while when you were together, only problems have surfaced. So much misery and anger in a relationship isn’t normal; it’s toxic. But you wait anyway.

“Look at him glaring at you with a girl on his lap,” Taehyung chuckles before lighting up his cigarette. He’s leaning on the wall next to the campus entrance with you.

“Nothing new,” you croak and take a drag from yours, coughing again. It’s déjà vu, if anything. One has to learn from their mistakes to reach success, right? This situation is just one of them for the better of your relationship. Has to be.

“Worldstar,” he sings with a laugh. “I kind of miss hanging out with him, though; and the rest of my friends.”

“Yeah.” You can’t exactly pay your utmost attention to his words when you’re having a staring contest with Jungkook, who is practically devouring the unidentified girl’s mouth. It doesn’t sting as much as long as he has his eyes on you because you know what it means now: he’s trying to make you jealous. You didn’t know that before, but you didn’t know Jungkook as well as you do now before either.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“You somehow always do.”

Your reply humors him. “You want to go up to him, tell him what I did. But you know I’ll stop you.” His eyes squint as his cheeks hollow to inhale the nicotine. It’s a Marlboro Red, not exactly fit for a starter like yourself. You hate that you can’t even stand without using the wall as a leverage, but the effect is a necessary distraction.

“Why are you… so invested in this?”

He shrugs. “It may not seem like it, but it’s going to help strengthen your bond. It also gives you enough time to stop liking him and fall for me instead, but that’s just a plus.”

“What?” you slur. The cigarette is hanging on for dear life between your fingertips because of how weak you feel.

“We should kiss– for real this time,” he blurts. “He’ll talk to you sooner. God, I really want to kiss you.” He drops his stick before grabbing your face and softly crashing his lips against yours. You don’t close your eyes, you don’t really do much of anything while he does what he wants. It goes on for twenty seconds before he slowly pulls back. “He’ll talk to you tonight,” he exhales. “You’re welcome.” He pecks you again.

You finally close your eyes and your head hangs limply. “You’re the real problem,” you murmur, “you keep tearing us apart. The villain.”

“That kiss was on me,” he admits, “but I’m just making you face reality. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy, right? Only reason I can smoke with you is because Jungkook cares a fuckton about me. I’ll make it up to you as well, when your relationship isn’t a fucking lie.”

Couples go at their own pace, don’t they? Maybe this is how long it’s supposed to take for you to be one with your betrayed boyfriend. This is the real beginning; Taehyung is just the catalyst.

You see it when Taehyung is gone and Jungkook isn’t kissing back anymore. He isn’t even glaring. He’s just blank.

Perhaps love isn’t all you need to be with Jungkook.

It’s late in the evening and the nicotine still hasn’t worn off. You haven’t moved an inch from your spot and neither has Jungkook from a distance, still on the same curb across. The girl left when she didn’t receive any responses from him for a minute straight. An emotionless “fuck off” was enough for her to angrily storm off.

You have no idea where Taehyung went and you’re sitting on the ground with your knees to your chest and hands on your sides. Jungkook is staring at you from the bench. You just need to wait because he’s going to approach you like his friend told you.

People aren’t in the yard so it’s mostly empty in the open space. The lights from the streets and inside the building you have your back against don’t allow you to see your boyfriend clearly enough. He doesn’t have an issue with making out your features though. That kicked puppy expression on your face is drawing him, but he hasn’t been cruel enough.

It’s been difficult treating you like shit, so he doesn’t bother. It’s pathetic anyway, more pathetic than having smeared lip gloss on his mouth that he hasn’t wiped off. He knows he shouldn’t be so immature – he’s twenty years old. He’s old enough to be able to communicate, but no one’s been making it easy for him.

He has to decide whether he wants to be with you or just end it all before he feels any worse.

As the saying goes, no pain – no gain.

Jungkook slides down the wall and sits next to you after trudging in your way. It’s silent at first, and he doesn’t return your gaze when you look at him. You wait, and so does he. But he’s more impatient than you are; more hurt.

“What did you see in him, for God’s sake?” His voice is tired; words merely a sigh. You stay patient. “I mean, right after I opened up to you? Why?”

“I was paranoid,” you croak quietly, as if you’re about to faint, “terrified of you being with someone else. Maybe if you felt what I felt…”

He lightly shakes his head. “No, you didn’t think of that on your own. You didn’t kiss him either.” You lean your head on his shoulder. “You didn’t want to smoke, didn’t want any of this to happen. What are you doing, my love?”

You sigh. “I didn’t do anything. I don’t do anything.” The issue is that you let yourself be manipulated and molded into anything Jungkook likes, but he’s never told you what he likes. “All I know is loving you. That’s it,” you shrug tiredly, “that’s all I do. Everything I do, I do for you.”

“I’ll ask you for one thing– okay, two. Scrub your fucking lips and never talk to that piece of shit again. I’m not friends with good people,” he turns to you, “I don’t want you around them. I’m stuck in a constant cycle of toxicity and you’re the only good fucking thing in my life right now. I don’t want you to smoke or talk with my friends.”

“Then why do you?”

He stammers, “I-I’m used to it, I don’t fucking know. I know how to protect myself, but you’re too… untainted for them. Look at us, we don’t even fucking dress similarly. You and I have nothing in common.” He huffs to himself and looks up to the sky. “If you know what’s good for you–”

“You are good for me,” you interject.

“Don’t fucking lie to yourself,” he scoffs at you, “I’m anything but good for you. Do I give a fuck though? No. I’m selfish, and I don’t want to lose you. But if you–”

“I don’t.”

“Okay.”

Another moment of silence passes. He’s the one to break it again. “I don’t want to have an issue like this ever again. No more infidelity, or whatever the fuck, no more silence. Communication, right?”

“Right. And no more getting involved with your social life.”

“Thank you,” he bows his head and licks his lips with a sigh. “I can’t deal with this again. I don’t want to leave like my dad, whore around like my mom; I just want to have normal fucking relationship problems.” His anxiety translates to his body language: nibbling, knee bouncing, cracking knuckles. He doesn’t like to talk about his family, friends or even you. You’re calmer in comparison. “Tell me… we’ll start over.”

“I’m not resetting my love for you,” you playfully nudge him.

The corner of his mouth curls. “Not like that. Let’s go back to you doing my homework.”

“Really?”

“I missed a fucking assignment today, okay?” he laughs. “I want to forget about all of this sad shit, you ever meeting my friends, Sooyen or whatever, all of it. Just you and me, okay?”

“Set our own pace,” you add with a nod. “No one interfering with our… bullshit.”

“Don’t fucking swear,” he puts a hand over your mouth and pushes your face with a wide grin. You giggle with him.

Now that Taehyung and Soyeon’s over, there’s nothing left to chance with the involvement of someone else. Trust blooms instead, and it’s not so bad when Jungkook shares a cigarette with you as you take tiny puffs per his instruction. You are safe with him; not dizzy, lightheaded, manipulated, nothing.

You’re happy, and so is he. Maybe that was the intention, but it means nothing. Taehyung sought vengeance through your relationship, and that’s that. No one can hold Jungkook against you when he’s in the palm of your hands, ready to tell you more than anyone else can offer.

Jungkook’s love and trust: check.

When he flicks off the ash of his cigarette, you snuggle into him and whisper, “I love you daddy.” His ring glimmers under the moonlight as he pets your hair.

“Love you more, babygirl.”

#bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts x reader #jungkook imagines #jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook smut #jjk smut #bts fic #jungkook fic #networkbangtan #jeon jungkook smut #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #bts

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quinntamsin · 2 years ago

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day*Sits in the Teacher’s Lounge and hears the bell ring.*

Hey everyone, Quinn the Loremistress of the Gay Canon here, and after a two month break due to depression I AM BACK! This time we’ll be doing a series of RETRO-Rewatches and thoughts on some old time favorite cartoons from my childhood! A quick disclaimer on this, I WILL BE tossing out QUEER / LGBTQIA* / GNC headcanons, story ideas and more. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THIS then, um, whatever, go to another page :D

As this is my FIRST of the Retro-rewatches I’ll try to establish a frame here. First, I’ll go through about 5-7 episodes each with thoughts on each self-contained vingette. I’ll keep up my hottakes, and then lay out how I see a good fanfic or even fanon arising from this series. Since THIS SERIES deals with kids I want to emphasize that any and ALL story ideas I write will focus on College Age or more for things!

Anyway *Blows her Whistle* RECESS IS ON!

Episode 1

The Break In - We learn about the playground and the organizatino of its poli,tics and personalities. TJ, the leader of our gang, is captured after trying to get “The Good Food”. We get a good show off of the gang including Grethin’s intelligence Mikey’s drama, and Spinelli’s tenacity. Vince remains our sports star (which is perhaps a bit of an obvious racist stereotype here), and the one who refuses to just directly insult the King (Bob is himself pretty...over the top).

The New Kid - This episode speaks a lot to the school transfer experience. To me, it means a lot to see Gus standing up for himself and telling the kids his name. To me this sets up some nice ideas for some fae stories. Honestly, this story mostly focuses on how its important to deny erasure of yourself, and to rebel in the face of tyranny. That and how cool of a character every single member of the gang is!

Episode 2

The Experiment - We see the first example of the Jimmy Cratner stories and we learn how Butch got the white-streak in his hair. Of course, he gets the freak out from seeing his brother kiss a girl. This sets up our kiss experiment between Spinelli and TJ. Honestly, this is where I consider them a cute pair, but honestly not “destined” to date down the road. Plus, oh god, I do love the introduction of Randall as the evil little swindler.

The Great Jungle Gym Standoff - Old Rusty is going to replaced the iconic Jungle Gym must be replaced from years of slowly falling apart. The kids make a stand off and later their parents join them. I think ,this was one of the ones made before Gus’ arrival since he’s completely gone in this episode. It sets a nice tone though about how the kids see their playground and how their parents aren’t always against them.

Episode 3

Jinxed - Gus is introduced to the “KIds Unwritten Code of Honor” and the Jinx curse is dropped on him. The Ashley’s little dastardly intro is nicely done, as it shows how much these kids can be bullys. This episode really establishes Gus’ Lawful Good take on the Code. We’ll see this later during the Tattletale episode which makes it even far more interesting. Gotta love how Gus does a bad trade for a Harmonica and a bunch of music from the same instrument.

Officer Mikey - Wow Mikey sets his eyes on one of his silly hobbies (I say this because it’s part of the joke of the story). It does help that this is an example of how kids change their dreams on a whim at times. This is a typical trade and fetch quest story. The gang must bounce between various points so that they can make Mikey live his dream for a day. He immediately quits because it was too hard, almost unleashing the anger of Spinelli.

Episode 4

First Name Ashley - The eponymous “Ashleys” learn of Spinelli’s first name after Randall reveals it. The little snitch loses standing in Finster’s Outfit and thus begins the well known takeover of Spinelli into the Ashley’s. Luckily the gang manipulate the Clique rules of the playground to get her out. I like this story because it really builds the foundation for why the Ashley’s don’t the Gang. It also sets up one of the more interest dynamics between Ashley A and the others.

To Finster In Love - Finster finding love is an interesting story as while she’s seen a major antagonist along with Prickly in the series she really is a good person. Hank is a great character who really highlights the wonders of custodians in schools. It also shows how manipulative TJ and the kids can be. I think it really gives us a good idea that the playground has a pretty well established hierarchy and without it goes to hell, fast.

Episode 5

King Gus - King Bob is struck with laryngitis leading to us to see Gus become King. Originally a figurehead to the King’s advisors his head closely swells and he finds himself instituting a lot of tyrannical new decrees. The kids try to see King Gus and face the bereaucracy of the Playground. I do love how the Sixth Graders illustrate war via dodgeballs which is even more important with Gus’ background. Gus is quickly dethrone by King Bob and is sent back to being a nobody.

Big Brother Chad - Yes, we are introduce to geekdom, and we learn that Vince’s big bro is an Urkelesque geek. Honestly this particular episode really sets things up on how instead of being a toxic geek we need to be nice. Chad doesn’t look down on others he has fun with programming and playing 3D chess. He doesn’t see himself as anything bad. Vince’s werewolf dream of becoming a ageek is so over the top I fucking love it soooo much. NEATO!

Perhaps the best part of this particular vignette is how even Geeks should protect and can back their family.

Episode 6

My Fair Gretchin - A aptitude test shows Gretchin’s genius and she attempts her best to fail. This particular ep reveals Prickly’s focus on using achievements to become a Middle School Principal. Gretchin appears in the middle of a test dressed in a strange 80s / 90s styled outfit. Spouting weird dumb response such as Dennis Rodman is the President. What we learn later is she is allowed to stay while staying as a tutor to the rest of Third Street’s faculty.

Speedy We Hardly Knew Ye - The class hamster passes away and hte Gang decides to call for funeral. We learn an entire series of hamster generations has connected with a variety grades. Speedy the Hamster has been an icon of Third Street school extending their way all the way back to the current Bus Drivers which means people well into their forties knew Speedy. Hell, even the Mayor pops up.

The fact that they kept changing out the Hamsters and no one figured it out is just so bloody weird. It does make sense, if you want a long living pet for the Class for several years you’d do something like a Bearded Dragon or a Chinchilla. But Speedy himself like much in school represents a lot for kids even through the generations. The Canon - Thoughts!

So let’s begin Double Ashley aka Spinelli and Ashley A or Ashley B is perhaps one of my favorite possible pairings. Then there is Spinelli and Gretchin but honestly I prefer these two mixing up with the Ashleys since it shows nerd and preppy love!

Honestly, Recess has a lot of good opportunities for later life gay story telling. Kurst the Worst as a local baker dating Mikey would be adorbs. TJ and Laws as boyfriends and running their own game shop perhaps. Vince as a big time baller and supporting his friends while Gus is military veteran councilor. Skies are the limit here. So far I’ll focus on my favorite should be Gretchin and Spinelli, but nah and nope. I could easily seeing someone writing Gus or even Mikey as trans perhaps.

Who knows, I write Trans HP so who knows. I’ll have more thoughts once I sleep on these episodes and watch a few more!

Hottakes:

The intro of the New id wow those bring back memories of being singalled out in school.

Gus in the Jinx sitch is far more interesting when we see the Freudian expert show up.

Chad is a great non-creepy Geek and he has not obvious toxic masculinity.

Speedy was a nie hamster. Most Hamsters are not nice I say this as a bloody petcare specialist! Fuck those little devils!

Love how instead of Jesus Christ or God, the kids say “Mike”. I wonder who “MIKE” is.

The fact that nobody realize that Hamsters only live for two years is beyond fucking hilarious. Even the Mayor was foolish enough to believe the ruse!

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years ago

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hi, i am looking for a very specific johnlock case fic on ao3 with an au where they are in america and on the oregon trail, possibly traveling to wyoming, or probably just western america!lock in generally. thanks! :)

Hey Nonny!

Ahh, I don’t know which fic this is, but I have a few American AUs in my MFL list, maybe one of them is it? If anyone knows which one it is for sure, let us know!!

AMERICAN AUs (TO READ)

Gone and Changed by cwb (E, 4,617 w., 1 Ch. || Farm/Ranch American AU || Teenlock, Friends to Lovers, Angst, High School, Summer Vacation, Swimming, Hot Weather, Oral Sex, Car Sex, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Falling in Love, Mutual Pining) – John and Sherlock are best friends, until John goes and changes. Part 1 of the Just Like That series

At All Material Time by dizzylittlesunflowers (T, 7,029 w., 1 Ch. || 1930′s Farm/Ranch AU || One Shot) – When John Watson first met Sherlock Holmes, the dark-haired stranger had told him he'd never make the mistake of falling in love. Set in 1930's Southern America, the mysterious Holmes family move into the deserted house opposite John Watson's farm. Intrigued with the strange newcomers, the young farmer lets his priorities slip. But not without consequence.

How to Sleep with Your Enemy in One Semester by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for (M, 9,699 w., 6 Ch. || College / Uni Professors AU || Professor John/Sherlock, Enemies to Lovers, Rivalry, Bickering, Office Sex, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Domestics, John’s Beard, Idiots in Love, Humour) – Visiting professors John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are longtime academic rivals — and now unwilling office mates — at a prestigious American university. When their tense arguments give way to an undercurrent of mutual attraction, their war of wits turns into something more personal — until it goes off course. A party, a phone number, and deserted office at night might just bring them back together.

The Rainbow Connection by honeybee_motorcyles (M, 13,161 w., 7 Ch. || Post-TRF, Autistic Sherlock, American Road Trip, Understanding, Communication, PTSD Sherlock, Regression, Aspergers, Angst and Fluff) – A Road Trip is the best cure for Sherlock and John's relationship.

Wild Skies by darkestbliss (E, 13,339+ w., 9/? Ch. || WiP || American Farm/Ranch AU || Age Difference, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Bottom Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Teen Sherlock, Summer Camp, Older John) – Sherlock Holmes, show jumping champion turned druggie, is sent to a small, remote ranch in Wyoming for the summer as part of his rehabilitation process. There, he meets John Watson, a beautiful and good-natured ranch hand who was raised by the West.

The Reawakening of John Watson by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for (E, 20,463 w., 14 Ch. || Historical 1800s American/Victorian AU || Artist Sherlock, Writer John, Angst with Happy Ending, Bisexual John, Period Typical Homophobia, Sensuality, Experienced Sherlock, Pining, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Love Confessions, Flirty Sherlock, Frottage, Outdoor Sex, Trust Issues, Minor Character Death, Sexual Tension, Colorado / London, Rimming, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, POV John) – Trying to escape his troubled past in England, John Watson has started a new life in the American West. When he meets the handsome artist Sherlock Holmes, a smoldering attraction is sparked, complicating his quiet, carefully guarded existence. Maybe taking a risk with Sherlock is exactly what John needs to feel alive again...

Learning Curve by thpontiacbandit (M, 41,422 w., 22 Ch. || Teacher / Parent AU || America, Fluff and Smut, Parentlock, Frottage) – John is a Kindergarten teacher. One of his students, a boy named Henry Holmes, refuses to speak in school. John is determined to get to the bottom of it, and that is how he meets Sherlock Holmes.

The Bone Fiddle by htebazytook & Vulgarweed (E, 61,167 w., 13 Ch. || American Historical 1970′s AU || Appalachia, West Virginia, Vietnam War, Watergate, Murder Mystery, Case Fic, Drama, Humour, Romance) – In November 1973, Vietnam vet John Watson returns to his family's old home in Arthel County, West Virginia, deep in coal country. His low expectations include recuperation and boredom. Instead he finds a ruined landscape, a series of grisly murders, and one of the world's weirdest neighbors. Part 1 of the The Bone Fiddle series

Next Right: Welcome to Westbound Rest Area 818 by elwinglyre (E, 73,618 w., 16 Ch. || American Unilock AU || Bunk Beds, Anonymous Sex, Homophobia, Closeted John, Roommates, Angst with Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Music, Rape/Non-Con, Hurt John, BAMF John) – Sherlock Holmes dreams of escape from his smothering family and space to breathe. Studying chemistry at the University of Michigan, he's almost far enough away to fill his lungs. Almost. While John Watson dreams of being a doctor, he also dreams of being with another man. John knows that with hard work and study, he can make the first a reality, but he's certain the second can never be. Until a secret encounter in the dark at Rest Area 818 changes everything. When Sherlock meets his new roommate, John Watson, he sees a man in the closet. Sherlock hides from no one. Except from his own family, a detective inspector who wants his evidence returned, and his secret encounter at Rest Area 818. Setting late 1970s, Michigan, USA. POV third person alternates between John Watson and Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock, P.I. by Callie4180 (E, 83,264 w., 11 Ch. || Magnum P.I. Fusion || Past Relationships, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Canon-Typical Violence, Stalking, Creepy Moriarty) – For the Fall TV Sherlock fusion project. Sherlock, P.I. is an American television show that follows the exciting adventures of genius private investigator Sherlock Homes and his friends as they live their lives on the beautiful island of Oahu in Hawaii. Sherlock solves crimes as he wrestles with the ghosts and demons of his past.

Boyfriend Material by PoppyAlexander (E, 151,282 w., 58 Ch. || American Hockey AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Closeted John, POV John, Pining, Casual Sex / Hook Ups, Rom-Com) – Boston Brawlers' team captain John Watson longs for two things: a championship before he retires, and a boyfriend. Assigned to room with goaltender Sherlock Holmes--known around the league as both a genius and a "weird dude"– on Brawlers' roadtrips, John discovers the things they have in common that lead to an easy friendship and a convenient arrangement.

Nine and a Half Weeks by CumberCurlyGirl and Kameo (E, 175,094+ w., 35/? Ch. || WiP || American AU || Different First Meeting, Daddy Kink, Bottomlock, Anal Plug, Riding Crops, Spanking, Light Bondage, Anal/Oral, Aftercare, Posh John, Virgin Sherlock, Homophobia, Sugar Daddy John, Rimming, Coming in Pants, Light Dom/Sub, Past Sherlock / Victor, Light BDSM, Public Sex, John in a Kilt, Vibrators, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes is about to graduate from high school in midwestern America. Despite his intelligence, his prospects are bleak due to poverty, an indifferent, alcoholic father and poor choices. One day, at work, he sells a riding crop to a handsome blonde Brit and his life is changed. He doesn't know what hit him - until he does. This is a story of a journey to love and self-acceptance and explores many themes along the way: drug abuse, grief, coming out, age difference, consent. Lots of sex but so much more.

Just Like That Series by cwb (E, 201,462+ w. across 4 works || Series WiP || American Teenager / Farmer AU || Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Angst, High School, Summer Vacation, Swimming, Friends to Lovers, Car Sex, Mutual Pining, Falling in Love, Kissing) – John and Sherlock are best friends, until John goes and changes.

The Devil's Blaze by DulcimerGecko (E, 296,121+ w., 25/? Ch. || WiP || American Cowboy / Rodeo AU || Vet John, Case Fic, Texas, Slow Build, Manipulative Sherlock, Masturbation, Developing Relationship, Dancing Lessons, Drunk Sherlock, Safe Sex, Blow Jobs, Horny John, Cowboy Sherlock, Cowboy John) – Sherlock Holmes, the world’s only Consulting Equestrian Expert, is the individual called when horse owners are out of their depth. At the behest of his elder brother, Sherlock travels to Amarillo, Texas, to investigate why a valuable bucking stallion has seemingly gone berserk for no reason and killed his trainer. The local authorities suspect the owner of fraud and possible animal abuse, but Mycroft sees parallels to an unsolved case from the 1980s wherein a racehorse killed a groom. Complicating the situation is John Watson: bronco rider, rodeo veterinarian and one of case’s primary suspects... Part 1 of the The Devil's Blaze series

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #to read #american au #help steph find fics #Anonymous

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dean-winchesters-gardian-angel · 4 years ago

Text

The Same Bed - Chapter 3

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: Friends are there to help each other out, but can they help falling for each other when all the long days they spend together turn into late nights they have and their reliance on each other.

Word count: 2675

Warnings: Fluff, angst, slow burn.

A/N: This is probably my favourite chapter so I hope you like it. Read it, enjoy it and I’ll see you on the other side. There’s also a tag list, so be sure to tell me if you want in, as well as a masterlist so be sure to give that a look if your short and content. Like the rest, unbeta’d all mistakes are mine.

Series masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam was jolted from his restful position at his laptop by the bang on the door followed by giggling. A man and a woman. The door swung open revealing Y/N accompanied closely by Dean, both holding grocery bags, as they rushed down the stairs.

“Nuh-uh! I have the snack you have to go put groceries away in the fridge! Hey Sam!” Y/N chucked, carelessly tossing him the cashews the youngest of the brothers had requested. Sam sat as he watched the scene before him play out.

“No fair! You always pick crappy romance movies! At least my picks are bearable!” Sam was stunned in place after catching his nuts. Unused to seeing his brother and best friend in such a cheerful mood, considering the possibility of a curse.

“What is going on here?” Y/N answers his question in a rushed, out of breath yell.

“Dean wanted to pick the movie but he picked last time and I was smart enough to grab the snack bag instead of the groceries, so I didn’t have to go to the kitchen and miss my chance at picking the movie!” She ran down the hall holding the ‘e’ and the end of ‘movie’. A moment later Dean came out of the kitchen holding two plates with pie on them.

“She cheated. She shoved me over before she unlocked the trunk leaving me with —“ He lifted the plates as a reference to the end of the statement.

“How did she get the keys?” Dean's hand managed to hold both plates in one hand with a fork in the other. With a full mouth, Dean answers his brother in a nonchalant manner as though the answer was as obvious as two plus two.

“She drove.”

“You let her drive!?”

“Yeah, look I’d love to talk but if I don’t get in there soon, she’s gonna pick the worst movie possible. I gotta get in there and try to persuade her to some’ better.”

Sam was left in awe in his chair. The youngest had always, arguably, been the smarter of the two, which allowed him to spot the signs far before Dean could, though they were hard to miss. Sam had always been aware of Dean's fondness of their best friend, but he also thought his brother would never allow himself to fall. Seems as though he was wrong.

“We are not watching that.” Dean blurted out as he entered the room.

“Dean I’m literally scrolling! I’m not even on anything specific!” Y/N spotted the plates of pie. “That for me?”

“No.” His mouth was full of pie.

“Whatever Dean, I know you. You put two pieces on your own plate.”

“So?” He swallowed looking at her.

“I promise to consider your opinion on the movie I pick?” She bit her bottom lip, eyebrows raised in an expectant manner, one arm extended awaiting the plated pie.

“Fine.” Dean handed her the plate taking a seat next to where she lay on her stomach looking at the television. “No romance.” Y/N took the plate and set it in front of her, gripping the fork right before shovelling a considerably large piece of pie in her mouth.

“I said I’d consider. Not that it matters. I already picked. I was just browsing while I waited for you. Oh, and it is a romance. Oh! And to top it off, it a musical.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me”

“We’re watching Grease.”

“Alright have fun I’m gonna go help Sam with research.”

“As if you’d pick research over a movie, regardless of the genre.”

“You’ve got a point.”

“Don’t be a baby. You can still be manly if you watch musicals, you just gotta sing the baritone.” Y/N smiled up at him over her shoulder, a teasing look on her face. She started the movie and they both watched, Dean occasionally making ridiculously obvious comment such as:

“They would never just up and start singing about their summer!”

“Well obviously not Dean, it’s a movie. I mean come on ‘Poltergeist’, you really want me to believe ghosts are real?”

Both howled as jokes came and went easing them into a comfortable location at the top of the bed leaning against the headboard and each other. Y/N sang along to most of the songs as Dean would hum to the ones he recognized until ‘Hopelessly Devoted’ began to play. Y/N, being the dramatic person she is, instantly got up kneeling on the bed as she sang pointing to Dean between glances at the telly. Dean had heard that particular song one too many times coming from Y/N’s room while she would make her bed or fold laundry. He heard it enough times that he had managed to store away each and every lyric in his head. In that moment, free of judgment, Dean joined Y/N in singing, reaching out his hand for hers which she took. They sang the whole song through to each other giggling as it ended with Sandy gliding paper over the water in a blow-up pool. Y/N collapsed next to her singing partner while he pulled her closer into his chest. They went about the evening eating snacks and teasing one another until the movie was over. They pulled apart at the credits to clean the room and prepare for bed.

“Here give me that, I’ll deal with the mess you go get ready for bed ‘kay?” Dean reached for Y/Ns plate.

“You know I’m not completely incapable of helping.”

“Oh, I’m well aware. But you can also let someone take care of you for a change.” He didn’t give her a chance at a rebuttal before taking the dishes and garbage leftover from their snacks, making his way to the kitchen. Now, Y/N wasn’t about to chase him down and argue with him for wanting to help, so she made her way to her room to grab a towel and PJs before heading to the shower.

Dean entered the library with a reminiscent smile on his face as he thought back on his day.

“Dean.” His eyes shot up to his brother, who was still sitting at his laptop, his bag of cashews a third of the way empty.

“Sam.”

“I— Listen I understand not wanting to tell, like, Cass or Jack or anyone else but me, man? I’m your brother. I know the risks that come with dating, I, of all people, know the risks in this life and not wanting to tell people makes sense but I figured you’d at the very least tell me.”

“What in the hell are you on about man?” Over the two or so hours it took for them to watch their movie, Sam had come to the conclusion that Dean wasn't in denial of his feelings, in fact, he had already acted on them. Dean, on the other hand, was genuinely lost in Sam's statement.

“You and Y/N. I thought initially that you were just ignoring your feelings, turns out you guys are already dating.”

“Sam, wait you think we’re dating? What in the world gave you that idea?” Without a word, Sam gave Dean his best bitch-face he could muster, watching as Dean then thought back to everything that had happened that day not to mention them sleeping in the same bed for weeks.

“You guys sleep in the same bed every night, you go everywhere together, you let her drive your car, then there’s the fact that you were singing to a musical!”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“Dean you’re in love.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Dean—“

“Sam, no! Why can’t a guy and girl just be friends! That’s all we are!”

“You’re telling me that if she started dating someone, you’d be her first supporter.”

“That's not gonna happen.”

“You’re telling me that if she walked in here right now and said, ‘Dean we need to talk’ only to tell you she loves you; you wouldn’t be beyond happy.”

“Sammy, stop.”

“You wouldn’t hug her and kiss her all over; tell her you love her back. You’re telling me, the most observant person in the bunker, that you haven’t felt it? That surge of energy when she smiles at you? The protectiveness when there is any sort of masculine threat around, when someone asks for her name at a bar, Dean! I’ve seen you! Your entire posture changes when someone flirts with her!”

“I said stop, Sam!” Dean's reply came out loud and angry as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Just think about it. It could be really good, Dean. Don’t screw it up, ‘cause you’ll be the one losing her.”

“Hey, you guys okay in here? I don’t wanna have to break a stupid fight, I just showered I’m all clean. I don’t wanna have to the another ‘cause you’re bleeding everywhere.”

“We’re good Y/N. You need anything?”

“No, just came by to say good night and head to bed.” She looked too Dean who hadn’t looked away from her since she’d stepped into the library.

“Well, night Y/N.” Sam was first to answer while his brother picked up a wrapper that had fallen during his outburst.

“Night sweetheart.” With that Y/N headed back to Dean's room which, as she opened the door, realized it was all tidied up including the bed. Y/N smiled at that, remembering the night she made Dean get up so she could remake the bed. She hopped in putting her phone on the nightstand on the side of the bed she had claimed for herself.

Meanwhile, Dean made his way to the kitchen, cleaning the dishes before making his back to his room to grab a towel and PJs and follow Y/Ns example. Dean came back, his hair still damp and tussled, towel in hand, and got in bed next to Y/N after hanging it behind his door he had promptly shut after entering.

Both settled in, arranging pillows and blankets alike. After getting comfortable Y/N lifter her hand, as per their routine, for Dean to take. His hands stayed on his chest as he glanced at her hand. Every ounce of his body wanted to take it and interlace his fingers with hers, the thought giving him a rush. Every cell aching for the contact, but he ignored them all. Ignored the voice in his head screaming at him to take her hand and kiss it before falling asleep the same way he had done since the third night.

“I’m good for tonight.” Y/N gazed over to him with a hurt look on her face. She dropped her hand to her side slowly, not wanting to pressure her friend.

“Right, okay… well you know where it is if you need it.” Without a word Dean reached over and turned out the lights. The atmosphere around them was just short of tense. After a few beats, Y/N turned onto her side, facing away from Dean.

“Night Dean.” It took him a moment to conjure up the will the answer after hearing the pain and confusion in her voice.

“Night.”

Dean awoke the big spoon, reaching over his sleeping companion to hold her hand. In the moment Dean couldn’t care about the fact he was falling for her, — though some may argue he already had — he just wanted to hold her, feel her heartbeat through her t-shirt, the heat of her body against his own. He counted to five allowing himself a chance to memorize how she felt in his arms, before pulling away moving to his side of the bed.

The tension between them was tangible as they went about their day. Dean had practically ignored her all day, giving her the most benign answer, a grunt sufficing of acknowledgment. By nightfall Dean was ready for bed before anyone else, moving to his room. Y/N followed him shortly after, though still in her street clothes, just to check on him. She knocked and without awaiting an answer, opened the door.

“Dean? Are you okay? You’ve been off all day today and now you’re in bed before 7? What’s up.”

“Nothing. I’m fine, just tired.”

“You want me to—“

“No. Actually, Y/N, about that. I think I’ve figured out the nightmares I don’t need you to stay here anymore.” There was a pause while Y/N tried to understand his actions.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re highly lacking in tact Dean?” With that, she turned around and shut the door or rather slammed it. On her way to her room, she passed Sam who had heard the door.

“Hey, is everything okay with you guys?”

“We’re fine Sam.” Y/Ns response was blunt and to the point, a deep frown on her face as she shoved past him. She was angry, but why? She had been staying with Dean, not for her own benefit but to help him. To aid him in getting a full night's sleep that had previously been disrupted by nightmares which, he had claimed, were no longer. Dean was left in his room, lights turned off in hopes of deterring any questions his brother may want to ask. He knew what he had done was one of the least intelligent things he’s done but it had to happen. The more time he spent with her the deeper he would fall and with the life they lived, with the relationship he already had with her, it wasn’t a smart thing to let happen. So, he did the best he could with the aim of not leading her on and avoiding the subject entirely. The thing about Dean was if he liked something or someone as much as he did Y/N, he would, without a second thought, give his life to protect them. In his head, this is how he excused his actions. Being with someone like Dean could only hurt the other person. He was dangerous with a constant target on his back. To be with Dean meant sporting the twinning target though it was worth significantly more than his own because to hurt them meant hurting Dean in a more wounding and permanent way than hurting the Winchester himself. Dean wouldn't— couldn’t risk Y/N’s life because he loved her, if anything that would show the opposite of love. So, he would love her from afar, hurting her himself, but at least she was safe.

Y/N slept just fine in her own bed though it was colder than she remembered, and it took longer to fall asleep due to the missing rhythm of Dean's breathing. She was furious at Dean — and at herself for wanting him this way. It didn’t take long for her initial crush to grow. She was spending every day with him and then she got to sleep in the same bed as the eldest Winchester. Not that she’d have ever acted on it. She knew Dean would have never reciprocated her feeling and she’d made her peace with it. Dean had always been emotionally unavailable though she thought she was getting through to him as of late. She was satisfied with being his friend and one of his best at that. She got to spend every day with him, she was there when he needed her help and vice versa. Y/N had never been overly disappointed at the fact that her crush would never be more than one-sided. It couldn’t be. She understood that with the life they lived, having a relationship was off the table. But the way Dean had been acting the past two days admittedly hurt her. She never pushed him to do anything he didn’t want to do, and suddenly he had completely shut her out.

Dean, on the other hand, simply refused to admit to his feelings. It hurt him just as much to push her away, but he declared it mandatory in order to protect her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 4

Tag List: @akshi8278 @bargedog @just-someone-difficult @mila-dans @valhallavxlkyrie

Series Tags: @autobotgirl15-blog @classyunknownlover @laycblack @lovememisha @redbarn1995 @wellfuckmyexistence

#fanfic #supernatural #spn #supernatural fanfiction #Dean x Reader #Dean x you #Dean Winchester x Reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester #dean winchester fluff #spnfamily #spnfanficpond #dean fluff #fluff #the same bed series #spn fanfic series #Dean Winchester x female reader #dean

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captain-barnes-writes · 4 years ago

Text

Someone Like You [2/6]

Summary: In which Sebastian tries to win you back a year and a half after your relationship’s rupture, but only because there’s a new man in your life. [Part two]

(Mini-series)

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Latina

Warning: Angst (lotssss), suggestive language, 18+, future chapters will include smut (just warning y'all!) NOT PROOFREAD

Word count: 1.8k

Sebastian’s steel blue eyes hardened at the sight of you in what seemed to be a music video. Not because of you, but because you were with another man.

You were barely clothed in flimsy delicate lingerie with your dainty hands wrapped around another man’s neck who was laying down on a crimson red bed. The screen panned out to different scenes, you on top of him peppering kisses on his face; your hands all over him with your body pinned to the bed . Other scenes had you in a jade satin bodycon dress that reached mid thigh parading around a garden full of roses hand in hand with the jerk-off face he had come to loathe within a few seconds. Why was he so greedy? He was grabbing at you like you were a piece of meat and even going as far as kissing you with obvious desperation. He couldn’t grasp the storyline, maybe the artist meant to show a video with a couple that was in love but really it seemed he was only taking this opportunity of being with you to get his hands all over you.

“That’s a Dominican bachata singer, man!I can’t believe he got her to be in one of his videos.” Anthony exclaimed to you, his voice slightly muted so the rest of the set mates wouldn’t overhear. Though they were in their own world, having their own conversations and not paying mind to the pair who were huddled at the far end of the table.

“Well, she’s Latina…” Sebastian managed to mutter under his breath. His grip on the phone was deadly and his searing eyes were wide. God, what the fuck was going on in that video?

Thankfully your latest movie hadn’t required you to have a sex scene with your on-screen partner, just a few heated kisses that had made him squirm on his sofa when he decided to watch it. Though even those few on-screen kisses had made him feel uncomfortable and angry that his large hands had balled into fists. Is this what you had felt when you had to see him kiss other women on screen? Or even when you knew he’d been kissing women off screen, you were there. Sure, you’d shown your anger to him countless of times and even broken down into tears in front of him but he always ended up making it up to you by fucking you. He always fucked your anger and jealousy away. Now here he was eating his own words of you’re just overreacting or it’s just acting. Because it sure as hell looked more than just acting.

A whole year and a half later and you still had that earth-shattering effect on him. Fuck, you looked more than beautiful. Everywhere he looked for the last few months, there you were looking etherial and even more gorgeous than he could remember. You were as thick as he remembered, all thighs and ass. Your dark curls had grown in length and even your skin was glowing. He knew he’d fucked up as soon as you sent that message but his ego had prevented him from fully reaching out to you again. He’d found himself on your street many times, even going as far as walking up to your apartment complex but becoming a coward and defeatedly walking back to his car. Even while dating other women, he did this. He was a coward, he knew. He was more than that, he was an imbecile.

“Video sucks ass.” Sebastian seethed, handing the phone back to Anthony who had an amused and all-knowing expression printed on his face. A smile swiftly took upon his features as he patted Sebastian on the back, laughing at full force at his friend who was obviously seething with jealousy.

“You’re so jealous, man. She still has an effect on you...never should have let her go in the first place.” Anthony shrugged, placing his phone on the wooden table and quickly taking a hold of his cold drink and sipping on it. His eyes were still glued on his friend who seemed agitated, hands fiddling and body language seemingly uncomfortable.

“Ya know it wasn’t my decision to make. She’s the one who ended things.” Sebastian said, eyes meeting his friend’s own wide ones.

“How could she not? She was obviously into you, I don’t know if you ever noticed but the girl only had eyes for you. Your commitment issues only pushed her away.” Anthony replied. Was the man blind, he thought to himself. It had been incredibly clear to him from the moment he met her, but his friend was apparently blind.

“I think you got too comfortable and she got tired of it. She was there for you and you couldn’t even give her a place in your life. Women like her deserve the whole world and it seems like she’s getting just that.”

Sebastian's eyes peered down at his fiddling hands at his friend’s words. He knew he was right, but hearing it was confirmation of the major fuck up he’d committed a year and a half ago. You did deserve the whole world and more.

“I’m going back to my room, Ant. I’ll see you tomorrow on set.” Sebastian said, placing sufficient money on the table to cover for himself and his friend. Anthony nodded when his friend patted him on the back and made his way out the.

Upon retreating back to his large hotel room, Sebastian couldn’t cope with the thoughts swirling through his head. Receiving a few texts from the pretty blonde he was currently dating made him even more agitated and he shut his phone off. He was too concentrated on thoughts of you.

He had betrayed you by not becoming fully engulfed in you, not giving you your rightful place in his life and letting you slip through his fingers without a single fighting word to stop it. No, sending roses to your place for weeks wasn’t enough after that definitive text you’d sent and neither were the meek few sentences he’d penned down on small cardstock paper trying to put a bandaid on the issue that he simply couldn’t grasp. That wasn’t enough and he knew it.

Seeing you with another man had ignited a fire within him that only you could extinguish. The more he thought about you becoming as enthralled with another man as you’d been with him was slowly enraging him, but it also brought upon a wave of anguish. You were not only an alluring woman, but also carried an aura that made everybody feel comfortable and loved. Being embasked in your very being and ambiance should have been a privilege because you were truly as perfect as anybody could get.

The more Sebastian thought, the more he kicked himself for having been so blind.

“Hard week at work?” You asked as soon as you saw Sebastian’s full frame walk into your apartment. Dark under eye circles and a sluggish walk were evidently key to figuring that he was tired. He looked the part and surely walked like it too, even his clothes were slightly disheveled.

“You have no idea, babe.” He responded back, blue eyes peering down at you as he wrapped his arms around your body. Engulfing you in a warm and much needed hug, more for him than for you it seemed as he sighed and kissed the top of your head. Your nostrils were overpowered by his strong cologne, scent of earth and peppermint as your face was planted against his strong chest.

“My poor baby.” You whispered, pulling away from him and jutting your lower lip out imitating a sad face hoping to lift his spirits with your stupid mockery. He laughed in response and pulled you in for a kiss. It was short and sweet, but really brought his spirits up.

“And it’s cold as shit outside. Almost froze to death making my way here.” He grumbled and you took notice of the cold white specks and wet marks on his jacket. It was snowing outside.

“Come on.” You said, pulling him into the living room by his hands and having him sit on the couch. “For someone from Romania, you sure are a wimp when it comes to the cold.”

“Hey,” he laughed loudly, not even offended at the jab. “I’m all over the place nowadays, guess I gotta get used to New York again.”

You grabbed hold of his hands and sure enough they were cold. Bringing his hands to face-level caused Sebastian to stare at you. You started to gently blow on his hands, pepper kisses on the knuckles and upon flesh on top of the hands. It was a small gesture, but he found himself dumbfounded at why you were so kind to him. And he also found himself feeling conflicted with his feelings again. He was also feeling pangs of remorse as he remembered his short rendezvous with a different woman only a few days ago. It had only involved a few kisses and a quick blowjob, but staring at you in front of him did something to him to feel such regret.

“What are you doing?”

“Warming you up, dimwit, can’t you tell?” You replied, pulling away from his hands and proceeding to use the fleshy lips that had been on his hands only mere seconds ago and kiss his cold cheek.

“You’re an ass.” Sebastian grinned and his lips joined yours in a kiss, running his hands through your array of dark curls and pulling you closer. This was why he was here. The mere comfort of your warm body did things to him he couldn’t explain. It was your hands running through his hair, the way your eyes lit up as they stared at his, long lashes peering up at him and lips engulfed on his very being.

All too soon you pulled away from his tight grasp and stared at him with wide eyes. It was awfully cold.

“I’m gonna make some hot chocolate. I can’t even kiss you without shivering, Seb. You’re too cold.”

“You have a whole heater in this apartment and you tried to warm me up by blowing and kissing my hands first?” He said, grinning at your reddening cheeks at the sudden realization that indeed your apartment had a heating system and you’d been too enthralled in him to even remember.

“Shut up.” You laughed, placing your hands on your face in embarrassment.

It wasn’t even one of the most memorable moments you’d created together, but Sebastian’s memory had taken him to that snowy day for some reason. You were the first person he went to see upon landing back in New York. On that snowy day, in particular, after a long week of work only you could make him laugh and feel at home. You’d even tried to warm him up yourself instead of turning on the damn heater. He’d been so dense back then to the true nature of your feelings for him, and his own as well. It had been so obvious. All your actions were so obvious.

He was kicking himself the more he drowned himself in his thoughts.

(To be continued)

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Let me know what you think! Hope to post the next chapter tomorrow.

#sebastian stan x reader #someone like you #fanfic #marvel #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfic #bucky barnes #sebastian stan x latina #fanfic rec #angst #jealousy #marvel fanfiction

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ciggylungz · 5 years ago

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Summer Bummer

y/n x harry pairing

summary- y/n and Harry are part of a cast of a reality show called ‘summer bummer’ that’s a uk version of the jersey shore and things are chaotic

(hoping if it’s received well it can become a series, tbh I’ve been rewatching jersey shore and I stan snooki and pauly’s friendship)

2.8k words

The first thing that Y/n was hit with when she walked into the large mansion was booze, a giant whiff of it as she entered the doors trying not to react too much since the cameras were already following her around and she didn’t want to risk any horrid screenshots on twitter when the episode aired.

“woah, swear I could get wasted just smelling this place…” she giggled to herself as she made her way to the kitchen where she heard people who she assumed were her new roommates chatting.

“Oi! Hey love! Welcome.” The first person to welcome her was a tall tanned guy with a pretty strong posh-ish accent, big muscles and obvious over grooming, he seemed a bit full of himself just by how he looked. Y/n internally laughed as the guy hugged her calling him a ‘wanker’ in her brain.

“Hi! I’m Y/n, what’s your name?”

“Tommy, here I’ll take your bags. Take a load off sweetheart, everyone’s cool don’t look so nervous.”

Y/n was in physical pain from how badly she wanted to roll her eyes at this kids cocky and terribly flirty aggression, he wasn’t her type at-fucking-all. He looked like a guy who would cat call her when she’s out buying groceries, a hard pass on that one.

But- she managed to hold back and focus her energy on the other people all mingling in the kitchen. She counted 7, seemed like 4 girls- herself included- and 3 guys which means there was one person left to show up since she was told by producers ahead of time there were 8 cast members in total.

She introduced herself to her fellow cast mates who she learned were named Mandy, Kaitlyn, Selena, Ryan, Casey and of course the dreaded Tommy who was now looming over her again, topping off her basically full cup of vodka and red bull without asking her, and giving her a wink that made her want to vomit from cringing so hard.

Finally, the door opened again revealing the final person, who had all eyes on him as he closed the door behind him and set his luggage down, giving everyone a smile and making his way over.

Y/n let herself slyly size the man up. He looked to be about 22, long hair with a nice body to it with some curls, green eyes, dimples- he was cute. Plus he was at least a foot taller than her which was always a plus, she has always had a thing for tall guys.

The man greeted everyone, introducing himself as ‘Harry’ and Y/n smiled as he ducked down to hug her and politely kiss her on the cheek as he greeted her, asking for her name making polite conversation with everyone while they tried their best to ignore the-what seemed to be- millions of cameras surrounding them. The crew had left the house for the time being but the house was covered in cameras in pretty much every corner, on every wall- even outside.

It was a bit unnerving to the girl, she wasn’t used to being on camera and she was a bit worried about if she looked alright. She was one of the youngest in the house, freshly 19- a year over legal drinking age in England and when she saw the ad for casting of a summer reality show, she thought ‘fuck it, im young and hot and I wanna get wasted. If someone wants to pay me to do it, all the better!’ and she took the risk, auditioning and thankfully getting her spot on the new show.

It was around 8 in the evening when everyone sat down for their first dinner together, opting to make a simple meal of pasta and some nice finger foods as well since they were going out to a club tonight and the last thing she wanted was to get sloppy drunk her first night and puke all over herself in front of her new roommates. She wanted to at least have a chance to make a good impression.

They all seemed to get along great, besides Tommy who was still creeping on Y/n trying to flirt and being a total tool even when she was just trying to enjoy her dinner, making conversation with everyone. She of course gave him nothing in return making it pretty obvious she wasn’t interested and seeing as this kid was such a cocky little bastard he seemed to get butthurt over her cold shoulder. He was used to getting any girl he wanted back home, since ‘apparently there they have no taste or standards’ is what she thought to herself as she finished off her food and helped the rest of the group wash up the dishes leaving the pouting man child to sulk at the table while everyone else ignored him.

“alright guys, I think we should all chill for a while then start getting ready to go to Headliners and we should leave at like 12 since clubs usually busiest from 1-5am and I’m not trying to have a lame night. Sound like a plan?” Selena cupped her hands around her mouth as she spoke to everyone making sure they all could hear her, getting approval from everyone before smiling and making her way to her room.

Y/n was sitting on her bedroom floor using the full-length mirror to do her hair and makeup as she sat in her robe, her dress and heels already picked out and laid on her twin sized bed. All the girls were chatting among themselves as they groomed themselves and glammed themselves up. They were fucking hot and they knew it, making sure to highlight their beauty with the clothes that would probably burst into flames if they were worn in a church and heels as high as they could handle.

The girls went into a frenzy rushing around when they heard Ryan yell up the stairs that they were leaving in 30 minutes, all of them scrambling to get the skin tight dresses onto their bodies making sure they sprayed themselves with some deodorant and perfume since they fully planned to fool around tonight and BO from dancing your ass off in a club isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac.

All of the guys heads turned towards the stairs as the girls rushed down them, their heels loud on the wooden steps making it sound like a heard of elephants was rushing through the house but they didn’t care.

“Christ…look fucking good girls.” Casey smiled at them as he looked each one from head to toe, licking over his lips a bit as he took them in. They looked like sin personified and what’s better than that?

“Right?” Selena laughed and turned towards Y/n and Kait “Kait looks fucking hot and Y/n looks so fucking good I’m questioning if I’m bisexual now” Selena was their hype woman, even on the first day of meeting she was ready with a mouthful of compliment word vomit to spew into their ears.

Everyone laughed at her comment, Y/n smiling and smacking her roomates ass as she walked towards the door , “Sel, if I don’t find a cute guy tonight you can bring me home instead” Y/n giggled a bit as she watched all the guys eyes blow up wide at the comment, getting a few ‘can I watch’ comments from some of them which just got them an eye roll and groan from the girls.

Everyone piled into the cabs that were waiting for them, all excited and already a little buzzed from the pre-gaming they did before and during dinner anxious to get to the club, all of them just wanting to dance and enjoy their first night of summer. And of course, get absolutely trashed,

And so the team of young adults did just that. They made a b-line to the bar as soon as they got let in all taking a round of shots together before moving to the dance floor sipping the cups of liquor they held in their hands as they grinded and danced on whoever was near them.

Y/n was pretty wasted as she stumbled towards her group of roommates again, making a grossed out noise when she saw Kaitlyn kissing Tommy, hearing a laugh from next to her as she turned to see Harry. “poor girl, I guess being drunk does make people seem more attractive.” He commented while eyeing the younger girl getting a slight disgusted shiver from her as she thought about the guy. “he’s such a tool, I almost wanna stop her. He’s a total wanker, wouldn’t leave me alone and then pouted like a child when I wouldn’t flirt back at him. He’s got no chance, doesn’t matter how many of these I’ve had. I promise you that one.” She held her now empty cup in the air as she said it, giggling like crazy at her own words getting a lazy drunk smile from the man who joined her in the laughter.

He went to the bar with her to get both of them another refill on their drinks of choice, Y/n’s being a screwdriver and his being a rum and coke. They were both pretty wasted, but they were having fun and that’s what it was all about, plus she was almost chest to chest with the hottest guy she’s seen in a long time, in the middle of the club as they both are crammed into a corner trying to talk to each other a bit.

“Where you from love?” Harry asked her as he took another swig of his drink, looking down at the girl that he swears he’s torn between scooping her up like a baby and cuddling like a teddy bear and fucking her hard against the wall till she’s begging him to stop. She’s adorable, yet she’s just so goddamn sexy.

“Up in North London, how about you?”

“originally Holmes Chapel but live in Central London now.” He gave a smile to the girl and she returned it

“ahh London, maybe if I decide I like ya’ enough we can meet up after summer since we’re not too far from each other.” She offered with a playful poke to his stomach getting a smirk in return as he leaned down a bit to be a little closer to the girls face

“maybe we can, cmon wanna dance with me?” he held his hand out to the girl who took it, following him into the sea of people all grinding against each other to the blaring music, and Y/n wasted no time in doing the same.

Her back was to his chest as she danced on him, her heels putting her at perfect level for her ass to grind right on his crotch. They were like horny kids dirty dancing on each other, Y/n was having the fun she came here for and well, Harry was too.

When Y/n spun around in his arms she was pushed chest to chest with him by another couple who were dancing, nudging into her a bit seeing as the floor was packed with people. Harry of course took the opportunity to smoothly wrap his arm around her waist leaning down to look into her dilated pupils giving her a smirk that she gave right back to him before he leaned down to talk in her ear

“you got no idea how badly I wanna fuck your brains out right now darlin’, but I’m a gentlemen. Can’t do anything like that with a drunk girl, at least till I talk to the sober version about it first.” Harry talked in a deep voice right into her ear getting a shutter from her as her body tingled at the tone. When he pulled back he was met with a adorable pout on her pretty lips letting out a chuckle himself at her rather dramatic expression.

“that’s not fairrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, you’re so hot! And you wanna fuck me but now you’re being a tease!” she gave him her best puppy dog eyes but he just shook his head with a smile tugging on his lips, he was firm on his rule. He never wanted to hurt a girl, well unless they liked it but right now Y/n was in no state to truly decide that. Her body was swaying from how wasted she was, and he could tell by the slow speech she wouldn’t pass a basic sobriety test let alone be able to fully consent to having sex with him.

“Not tonight, maybe next time sweetheart.”

“Can we at least kiss? Snuggle?” she tugged on the collar of his shirt a little giving him her best pouty face and he couldn’t help but smile down at her giving her a nod.

“I’ll go for snuggles and kisses, but that’s all for tonight little girl.” He pointed his finger in her face jokingly scolding her getting a gentle bite on the tip of that finger before she pulled him down to kiss her.

It was 25 past 4 in the morning when the group of housemates stumbled their way out of the club, all completely wasted and some even having a plus one this cab ride, and Harry didn’t mind one bit as Y/n held onto him like a little lost puppy keeping a hold on his shirt sleeve the entire way home stealing kisses from him every so often.

“I’m taking the extra room tonight guys, me and my girl need some privacy.” Casey managed to slur out as the random girl-who was equally as wasted as him- tugged him towards the extra bedroom with the only full sized bed in it. Everyone besides Harry was completely fine hooking up with randoms while completely wasted, but he didn’t wanna do that to Y/n and he knew it would be wrong of him when she’s a bit drunker than he is. She was a smiley mess as she held onto the wall for support looking back at Harry who kept his hand on her lower back to keep her from falling.

“Both my roommates are getting dick right now and yours is in the guest room, and what am I getting? No penis, not even a little bit! How rude mister Harry!” she put her hands on her hips and he laughed

“ ‘m sorry, can’t offer my services up when you couldn’t even remember how to spell your own name back in the taxi love. I promised snuggles and kisses as a compromise though, did I not?” he tilted his head a bit and looked down at her raising an eyebrow as he reminded her, which didn’t help her libido since first he called her ‘little girl’ and now he’s being all stern, the guy was killing her here!

“yea yea, both my roommates are in there though, who do you share a room with?”

“just Casey, so it’ll just be us in there its only a two bed one, Ryan and Tommy share the other one.”

“Yuck, I feel bad for whatever girl Tommy is about to bang. I can tell by his attitude he has a small dick and he finishes first. I bet he even has cooties!”

She was a babbling mess as he walked her down the hall to his room, sitting her on his twin bed that’s against the farthest wall right under the window.

“He probably does have cooties, here put these on I’m gonna go take a leak and change myself.”

The older man handed Y/n one of his shirts and a pair of his boxer before grabbing his own change of clothes, helping her tug her heels off before he left her to change while he relieved himself and got ready for bed himself.

When he came back she was putting her hair into a messy bun, mumbling to herself about how bad the knots are gonna be tomorrow.

“bed time, ironically the suns about to come up but lets pretend it’s still night time.” His voice was deep and slow from his sleepiness and the booze as he spoke, getting her to scoot over so she’s on the inside of the bed, back against the pillow he had leaning against the wall so she’s more comfortable and he slid in next to her laying on his side to give her the last few kisses of the night, nibbling on her bottom lip a bit before pulling away laying on his back letting her tuck herself into his side.

‘yea’- he thinks- ‘this summers gonna be fun’

#harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles au #harry styles writing #harry styles series #harry styles fanfic #harry styles blurb #harry styles concep #harry styles smut #older!harry #younger!yn

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that-fandom-pan · 4 years ago

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Obey Me OC Profile!

Finally decided to post something myself here! Here’s the profile of my Obey Me OC, Rulgrodath.

Name: Rulgrodath

AKA: Ru

Birthday: Jan 13th

Zodiac: Capricorn

Favourite colour/colour scheme: Black, green, blue and silver

Scent: Ocean – seaweed, sea salt.

Height: 5’3’’

Voice: Strong but pretty quiet most of the time, very sarcastic when she’s angry, ranges between alto and soprano tones because of her music career, if she’s talking and she wants someone to hear, they know about it. Her voice is loudest when she’s angry, but she tends to go very quiet beforehand, and speaks through gritted teeth before she blows up.

Eyes: Yellow with a slit, catlike pupil

Hair: Dark brown, reaches about ¾ down her back, has a slightly lopsided fringe parting

Body:

Demon form: One pair of large black feathered wings with an iridescent sheen of green and blue, two sets of horns, one curling down either side of her head and two sets of horns, one curling down the sides of her head, one sticking up, green and blue scales on her temples, jaw and neck, long black green and blue feathered tail, black feathers around her shoulders and neck, usually wears a set of black gloves with two sets of finger armour on the index and middle finger of her right hand, black leggings and tank top (occasionally a black dress).

Human(ish) form: very skinny, no horns or wings, still has the scales, wears the same finger armour as in her demon form but without the gloves, hoodies or fluffy jumpers and leggings or sweatpants depending on how she feels, and a necklace Levi bought for her at a Comic Con as a sign of friendship.

Obsessions/habits: Can have severe body issues at times as it reminds her of how she died, this is what most of her breakdowns are based on, very protective of people she cares about, can overthink a lot, if nervous she’ll either bite her lip or mess with her hands (e.g. tapping, wringing her hands, cracking her knuckles), if she’s wearing a necklace or jewellery she’ll mess with that or her hair, will absorb herself in music or games when she’s upset, can verbally and emotionally blow up if she’s pushed too far, is also pretty self conscious about her height as compared to most demons she is very small due to her originally being a human.

Sweet spot/Sensitive place: Top of her head and behind her ears - she will start purring like a cat, very ticklish, will punch or try to freeze whoever is tickling her unless they are very close (e.g. Mammon, Astro*, Hiris**).

Talents: Musician, very talented vocalist, good at comforting people when they're having bad days and cheering them up, not afraid to stand up for herself and other, can be quite terrifying at times, notices small details pretty often, can read body language and pick up on details of a person's attitude, personality and actions

Faults/sins: Envy and Pride, as those are what killed her, severe body issues, has a tendency of putting others above her own wellbeing, inner conflict of wanting to be perfect and knowing that is self destructive, a bit of a people pleaser,

Special skills/powers: Water magic, calming voice.

Music taste: Very wide, varies from jazz/swing to modern pop, film and game soundtracks to classical music, rock to musicals. The only kind of music she doesn't particularly like is reggae.

Personality: Kind, a little overprotective, a 'mum' friend to anyone she cares about, not afraid to speak her mind, will stand up for others, tough outside, soft inside.

Nicknames: RuRu (Mammon), Treasure (Mammon), Player 3 (Levi), Water Witch, Ice Queen/Ice Witch/Snow Witch, White Witch

Backstory key points: Grew up in a family of musicians, was heavily praised throughout her life, grew envious of other musicians she thought were better than her, which led to her practicing almost constantly with no breaks. Died of starvation, dehydration and exhaustion. Was reborn in the Devildom as a demon of Envy and Pride. Met Levi at a Comic Con - they literally ran into each other, Levi in Lord of Shadows cosplay, Ru in Female Henry cosplay on her way to perform on stage, they bonded after the performance. Stayed in contact online for a while before meeting up in cosplay a few times, then to hang out as friends. Levi eventually brought her back to HOL to play games, where she was introduced to his brothers.

Animal theme: Feathered dragon/bald eagle

Relations to other characters:

Lucifer: Heavy dislike because of how harsh he can be to his brothers, especially Mammon. Will tolerate him though. Will quote musicals and sometimes Shakespeare to casually insult him. Will only lash out if he says something that might hurt someone, as a reminder that maybe he shouldn’t be so tough on those around him.

Mammon: Love interest (ignore this if you don’t like OCs shipped with canon characters). Bonded after she first came home with Levi, she saw how, despite being talked down to by his brothers, he kept supporting them no matter what insults they threw at him. Very supportive of him and comforts him whenever she can.

Levi: Best friend (one of), was the first of the brothers she met, thinks he's funny and likes it when he starts rambling about things he likes, joins in at times, wants to help him with his insecurities.

Satan: Mutual respect for how much they both annoy Lucifer. Happy to talk about books and musicals with him. Tries to reassure him that he is not Lucifer 2.0

Asmo: Best friend (one of). Gossip, music and shopping buddies. Likes spending spa days together. Very supportive of her whenever she has a body image breakdown. Tries to calm her down when she's angry at Lucifer, but won't physically get in the way.

Beel: Friends, he makes sure she has food if she's going through one of her body image episodes (was told by Mammon and Asmo), tries to comfort him when he's worried about what's happening between his brothers. Will frequently bake things for him and his brothers.

Belphie: Like Satan, mutual respect for how much they annoy Lucifer. Happy to lie about and just chill with him.

MC: Mother figure. Very protective of them and will defend them from anyone who wishes them harm, including the brothers. Makes sure they're alright as much as she can. Has a pact with them so they can call her whenever they need her.

Diavolo: Respects him. Understands he has a lot going on so will give help when asked, but most of the time will leave him be. Very grateful towards him due to him helping her get settled in the Devildom when she arrived after her death.

Barbatos: A little afraid of him because of his time related abilities. Tries to keep on his good side as much as she can.

Simeon: A bit of a fan, since he's the author of TSL, one of her favourite series. Holds him in very high regards, very happy to talk with him. Has offered to collaborate with him if he needs music for future films/episodes.

Luke: Considers herself a bit of a mother figure to him. Looks after him when he's upset, happy to bake with him as much as he wants.

Solomon: A little skeptical of him, considering the 72 pacts he has with demons and his magical ability. One of the few people she struggles to read.

Astro*: Best friend (one of). Will team up with her to stand up to Lucifer. Protective of one another, will gladly cause chaos together.

Hiris**: Best friend (one of). A little jealous at times because she still has some family, but overall similar relationship as between Ru and Astro. Will gladly try to satisfy her curiosity and listens to her stories a lot.

Role: Student, vocalist and musician at multiple clubs

Family: None, doesn’t know what happened to her human parents or siblings after she died, barely remembers them at all.

Extra facts:

Will use her water magic both to help herself and others to calm down after a bad day and also to trap anyone she wants to 'talk' to - will freeze their legs and shoes to the ground so they can't move (usually Lucifer or people who decide to verbally or physically attack one of her friends)

Will buy Mammon or Levi something from Akuzon without them knowing whenever they've had a bad day to cheer them up

Will cause water based inconveniences targeted at Lucifer if she wants a more subtle way of annoying him after he's given someone (usually Mammon) a too severe punishment - e.g. burst pipe in his bathroom, frozen drink when he's starting to overstep his boundaries (even when she's not in the room, has a codeword with Mammon for him to send to her if he ever feels like Lucifer is talking down to him too much), bucket of water is accidentally knocked over and it spills on him, water goes cold when he's having a shower and will not reheat (Lucifer knows its her but has no way to prove it as she's never actually seen doing it unless she wants to be seen, only MC, Hiris and Astro know that Ru has the HOL pipe system memorized so she knows which pipe goes to which room)

Most presents she gives that haven't been bought on Akuzon are either made with her water magic or tickets to concerts she has managed to get through a few connections (the latter is usually for Levi)

Can and will come up with the most creative insults she can

Is an ace at rhythm games

Has sung duets with Asmo/accompanied Asmo on several instruments

Hates horror movies

Always carries two flasks: one of water so she always has access to something to use for her powers, and one of pineapple juice to help soothe her throat.

Has let Asmo style her several times for concerts - including the time with the suit and corset.

Loves swimming

Is bisexual

Ship facts (please disregard this if you don’t like OCs shipped with canon characters):

Often persuades Mammon to do shows/concerts with her as a way to make him feel better and to get back at his brothers

Mammon has persuaded her to do multiple modelling sessions with him.

Also uses the concerts she knows Mammon will be watching as a way to flirt with him - has worn a suit and corset with heeled boots to do this before.

Has kissed Mammon on stage multiple times.

Has Mammon saved as MonMon on her DDD

*Astro belongs to one of my friends (will update if I find them on Tumblr)

**Hiris belongs to @storypanda88

#obey me #oc #obey me shall we date #obeymeoc #rulgrodath #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #otome

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jackedspicer · 4 years ago

Photo

a bio for my xiaolinsona! she’s a work in progress so i’m bound to come back and change it. trivia and more in depth information is under the readmore :)

continued trivia:

she’d show up somewhere near the start of season 4

she’s used a LOT for slapstick. in fact she’s mostly a comic relief character

she’s guided mainly by emotions, is right brain oriented, and is a hands-on learner

there is a running gag where she frequently has bandaids on her fingers, hands, arms, or anywhere really

she’s a massive funk junkie. LOVES disco. she’s also a great dancer

when she comes up with xiaolin showdowns, sometimes she’ll base it off of fun recreational activities or things that seem harmlessly mundane, like mini golf..... tic tac toe.....dance-off...... rock paper scissors..... the showdowns themselves obviously end up being high-stakes and lethal as they always are, except they’re based off of goofy premises

she’s probably musically accented by grunge that’s slightly funky

when it’s funny, she occasionally will use huge words or make jarringly philosophical statements, eg patrick star’s “the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma” cut to footage of milk spilling

shes a lot like charlie kelly. in general. any charlie moment is just. Her. she’s a wild card and screams every line and huffs glue and tries to get the honey out of a hornets nest outside of jacks house because she thinks hornets make honey and she likes ghouls and she genocides the rats in his basement and sleeps ass to ass with him and is illiterate

she likes to do arts and crafts but they almost always come out as abominations. she’ll occasionally borrow some of jack’s tools to construct her latest atrocity, and she’ll refer to them by a wrong/made up name while she’s at it. “the hacksaw duey”, “the electric hole puncher,” ”the automatic pizza cutter”, etc. yes the projects and the bandaids have a direct cause and effect relationship. please refer to this video (and this channel in general)

youtube

imagine her sitting at a table and just doing this in jack’s lair... this video alone can be used to sum up so much of her. the technique. the bandaids. the blatantly wrong information that’s said with such conviction. the dark turn towards the end of the video. “superfluous protrusion.” the way it ends

continued trivia pt. 2, taken from my instagram

(i’ll get into this more further down the post)

fighting style because this is xiaolin showdown:

she has a very nimble, disorienting style of combat. using pokemon stats as an analogy, her highest would be speed by far, followed by attack, with her lowest stats being defense and special attack. this combined with her unrelenting nature makes her an excellent distraction and a general nuisance, but she doesn’t fare well in prolonged head to head battle.

favorite shen gong wu:

monkey staff, mikado arms, fancy feet, neptune helmet, hoduko mouse, woozy shooter (on herself), tongue of saiping, longi kite, indigo pyramid (on jack (cause it’s funny))

*the shen gong wu she’s most skilled with in battle are ones that trip up her opponents and cause status ailments. kinda like a prankster

backstory/analysis:

at her core, she’s a jolly, optimistic, humorous person, but her unruly, isolating childhood put a blow on her psyche. much like jack spicer, she’s been virtually alone her entire life - she was rejected by peers and adult figures alike since earliest childhood, and her home life was turbulent at best.

to ease the pain, at some point, she took on resenting and judging those around her as a means to cope. she has a holden caulfield-esque defense mechanism in play where if everybody sucks for this reason, or that reason, or those reasons, then she has justification for detaching herself from others, and she can derive her only source of self esteem from being better than them. this hurts far less than the devastating truth that she cannot connect with people on account of feeling so worthless and estranged from other human beings that she could never have the chance to be cared about by anyone. deep down, she’s in desperate, thrashing need of support and genuine human connection, and she has a warped perception of how she can achieve that.

she’s taken up evil as a hobby because it nurtures her desire to be destructive and, again, just like jack spicer, she engages in it as a way to feel seen. all press is good press, and the best way to make the headline is to cause some damage. what sets her apart from him in this regard, though, is that she takes all of her pain out on her enemies (in this case, the xiaolin monks) because she can’t stand how well off they are - instead, on the basis of their acceptance of one another, she sees them as goody two-shoes phonies who ought to be knocked down a peg. while evil to jack is both a means of getting much needed attention and a convoluted way of spending time with friends, to sid it’s a way to vent frustrations and a way to, well... still garner attention, but also spend time with a friend, except the friend is jack.

the other half of the reason she partakes in petty villainy is that it’s just... fun. she only got wrapped up in all this because she’d been restlessly putzing around somewhere remote, found a neat doohicky she planned on keeping, and when one thing led to another she wound up in a xiaolin showdown against jack. experiencing the chaos unfold revealed a golden opportunity she couldn’t pass up, so she asked jack to let her come with, debuting their partnership (i talk about this in further detail at the end of the post). goofing off and doing evil with him is so much fun to her! it makes her feel alive, a sensation and state of mind she never could fully achieve before.

noteworthy relationships:

jack:

they have a team rocket thing going on. not in terms of their interpersonal dynamic, but rather their role in the story, how much of a threat they pose as, their schemes, and even their overall attitude are reminiscent of the iconic duo; they’re petty, recurring villains with hearts of gold who aren’t above occasionally siding with the good guys.

even though they both are on the same tier of comic relief and general foolishness, the metaphor i like to draw is that jack is the left brain and sid is the right brain.

their personalities have such chemistry and they’re both so goofy that they effortlessly sync up. everyone thinks it’s REALLY annoying

they’re best friends! they actually care very deeply for one another, even if they might have funny ways of showing it. they may be evil, but they’re mutually the only and closest friend the other has ever had, and with that carries a lot of weight. think of it - the first person you meet who hasn’t been nothing but awful to you likes you and wants to be around you. What a concept

while their relationship is platonic, there are several gags implying a romantic element, even though nothing is ever outright stated. kisses on the cheek, bashfulness, other characters making fun of them (“where’s your DUMB little girlfriend?” “..........she’s not DUMB!!!!!”), domestic references (“am i sleeping on the couch”)..... it’s left ambiguous because it’s hetbait plain and simple. somebody asks them what they even are and they say Partners In Crime wym. jack asks sid What Are We and she fist pumps the flat of her own chest twice, throws a peace sign and says We’re Bros

their nicknames for each other include but are not limited to “jackass, jacky-boy, jack-o-lantern, smarty pants, wiggles, spack jicer, spack, mr spack, spackle”, and “shortstack, pipsqueak, sid the kid, champ, funky monkey, foxy (in a funny way, he’ll say it like Whatcha Up To Foxy ? while she’s like making a mess doing an arts & crafts abomination or just vibing bein her weird lil self.... it comes from a place of playful sarcasm and affection) (champ, funky monkey, and foxy are courtesy of @currentlyfallingthroughspace)

to piggyback off of the left brain vs. right brain metaphor, “heart vs. brain is how they think, right brain vs. left brain is how they act, and two halves of a heart represents their natural dispositions” is how my aforementioned friend put it. they both have a lot of heart and are ooey gooey on the inside, but the difference is that sid can grasp the intricacies of emotional/psychological matters while jack can’t (actually knowing how to EXPRESS this is another topic). it’s in the same way that jack can effectively plan ahead, use logical reasoning, and know where to go and how to get there, but sid is shabby in this department. “one is aware but doesn’t address it until it’s too late, and one can’t see it and doesn’t ask until it’s too late.”

another feature of potential conflict in all incarnations of them is the juxtaposition of sid actually being more down to earth than jack in the grand scheme of things. jack has the potential to go completely overboard, and whether or not he demonstrates the ability to catch himself on the event horizon will ascertain the outcome.

deep down, neither of them are truly evil, and they bring this out in each other as they ultimately contribute to the redemption of one another. how this actually happens is a lot rockier. sid has the intuition and self awareness to become increasingly cognizant of the fact that she engages in schemes as a way to bond with her friend, and, over time, she’s able to recognize that she’s simply been acting out, and she consequently softens up over time - but jack is much denser in this regard. he doesn’t consciously pick up on the same things she does and still believes that she’s drinking the koolaid as much as he is. the crucial dissonance in what matters most that had been incubating under the weight of things left unsaid emerges in a major falling out that challenges the nature of their entire dynamic and respective moral codes. i had a lot of help from the same friend with the following series of events and it’s really something that ought to be gone into detail on its own post, but a whirlwind brief summary is that jack becomes desperate from losing over and over so he comes up with this sinister plan that’s just too far, sid tells him to stop, they get into a nasty fight, sid leaves and makes it clear she’s not coming back, she goes to the xiaolin dragons for help, jack goes on an evil rampage but also loses his grip and has this mental breakdown because he lost the one person who’s ever cared about him (or so he thought), sid has the same brutal separation pangs but it doesn’t change the fact that jack is still doing what he’s doing, sid gets a firsthand view of a fight breaking out between the monks while she’s working with them and has a moment of clarity when she observes how they resolve it in such a healthy way, as they continue to work together and help her through the whole fiasco she realizes they’re not so bad, an entire excruciating series of events that’s genuinely too large to fit on this post unfolds and it ultimately ends with jack actually having to team UP with the good guys to stop what he started, and it ends with them breaking down, apologizing, and beginning their redemption BUT not without the illustration of several lessons that arose out of the complications of the entire thing...... the overarching lesson that’d been entrenched in their entire dynamic from the start, albeit corny, is that caring and being cared for was all they ever needed, and they learn to cultivate that within each other right under their own noses. it would be fun to have them stay as recurring villains forever, but seeing how much good is in their hearts is enough to make you wonder how they were ever evil.

xiaolin monks:

she thinks she hates them, but she doesn’t really. while her opinion of them is marked by resentment and distaste, she also holds them in high regard. a part of her wishes she could be friends with them, but the mental landscape she’s paved for herself doesn’t reveal that as an option. in her mind, she’s already been rejected by them. so why try?

the way she takes her pain out on them - people who had nothing to do with her traumas - can be summed up by the spinel su quote, “why do i want to hurt you so bad? i’m supposed to be a friend. i just want to be a friend.”

she gets chummier with them upon her redemption. out of the group, she gets along best with clay and dojo :)

bonus origin episode

this would be the imaginary early season 4 episode i mentioned at the beginning of the post. it’s more of a loose string of ideas tied together with reckless abandon but hey. the episode would open with jack feeling lonely and down on his luck to establish the theme that he kinda needs a friend (”wuya’s gone, chase trained his cats to get surly with me if i show up, my evil dream team won’t answer my calls....”). his sulking is interrupted by a shen gong wu alert and he’s like. whatever. i don’t need them. i’m still gonna do this on my own. even if it’s. ˡᵒⁿᵉˡʸ. fastforward to the scene i described where sid is putzing around with her doohicky (which i’m considering might be the neptune helmet) all by her sad miserable lonesome when suddenly some flying bloke in a trenchcoat who looks like he hasn’t seen the sun in years shows up telling her she’s got something he needs. she of course responds with something along the lines of “you know what? why don’t you try to take it from me since you want it so bad, mr big stuff,” triggering a xiaolin showdown. this is around the time the xiaolin dragons show up too late - but they’re grateful for somebody having been there to fight jack in time, even if they have no idea who they are. she has no clue what’s going on, but whatever it is, she LOVES it. she goes buckwild. she has a time. jack, on the other hand.... well, understanding how badly he needs that wu is certainly throwing a wrench in it, but he can’t help but feel like he’s having a bit of fun too. well, up until he loses. post-showdown, the monks kinda count their chickens before they hatch so to speak and they rush over to this new kid with a shower of praise, thinking they have a friend on their side. instead, she cuts them off, shouts to the guy who’s gathering his bearings (or lack thereof) - “hey! jack was it?” - and playfully tosses her shen gong wu in the air, catching it. “you look like you need this thing way more than i do. tell you what! take me with and i’ll let you borrow it,” is what she follows it up with, implying she wasn’t really that invested and only saw the whole thing as a fun game. jack and the monks are flabbergasted. what’s more bizarre is she did in fact ask to join him, something nobody’s ever done out of their own volition before. she talks about how boooooooooooring it is here and how that was soooooo much fun and to pleeeeeeeease take her with. he’s really iffy about it and doesn’t know if it’s such a good idea. he tries to make himself look cool, telling her “as IF, shortstack..........im afraid The Jack Rides Alone................................................. but-” and ultimately buckling because he can’t deny that it would be nice to have someone around.

#IM PROBABLY GONNA COME BACK AND CHANGE SO MANY PETTY THINGS BUT I HAD TO RIP OFF THE BANDAID #xiaolin showdown #xiaolin showdown oc #xiaolinsona #draws #btw her last name is question marks because i havent come up with anything yet #i have utmost confidence about this i literally think of her and jack as a duo even though shes not a real character #also it's important to add that i hope it goes without saying that a lot of her qualities arent direct translations of my own #her qualities are based on my own and are in some cases translated to represent how it would manifest in this narrative #sonas are tools u know. not being like THIS IS LITERALLY ME!!! cause its a bit different #for example my own opinions of the other characters and her opinions of the other characters differ. u kno for tha story #xiaolinsonabio

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usnatarchives · 4 years ago

Video

youtube

Lin-Manuel Miranda performs "Alexander Hamilton" at The White House, 10/1/2015

HAMILTON IN OUR RECORDS: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story?

Today’s post, by Miriam Kleiman from the Public Affairs office, is the first in a series. Special thanks to Miriam’s neighbor and friend Stefanie for the idea, sparked by her sheer delight at finding the Reynolds Pamphlet in the National Archives Founders Online.

Like so many others, my family had front-row seats to the smash hit musical Hamilton (online) and it blew us all away. As a longtime National Archives researcher and staffer, and inspired by exhibits curator Corinne Porter’s related document display, I decided to explore Hamilton’s life and legacy through the lens of our records, song by song.

Hamilton in our Records, Song 1: Alexander Hamilton

One of the first mentions of Alexander Hamilton is the Probate Court Transaction on Estate of Rachel Lavien, 2/19/1768. The appointed estates administrator for the “Christiansted jurisdiction on the Island of St. Croix,” another administrator, the bailiff, and the court reporter met at 10 pm, a few hours after the death of Hamilton’s mother, to witness “the sealing up of a chamber containing her effects together with a trunk etc..,” items that were moved to storage with the exception of “some pots and other small things which remained unsealed for use in preparing the body for burial, among them being 6 chairs, 2 tables, and 2 wash-bowls.”

The document notes the purpose of the meeting: “to take an inventory of them for subsequent distribution among the decedent’s surviving children.” Much is made of her marital status or lack thereof; noting that three children are legitimate and two are not: James (15) and Alexander (13).

Less than two years later, at age 15, Hamilton writes to his friend Edward Stevens (letter of 11/11/1769) of his longing for more, and his “plannin' for the future,” underscoring the lyrics: “There's a million things I haven't done, but just you wait.”

Ned, my Ambition is prevalent that I contemn the grov’ling and condition of a Clerk or the like, to which my Fortune &c. condemns me and would willingly risk my life tho’ not my Character to exalt my Station. Im confident, Ned that my Youth excludes me from any hopes of immediate Preferment nor do I desire it, but I mean to prepare the way for futurity. Im no Philosopher you see and may be jusly said to Build Castles in the Air. My Folly makes me ashamd and beg youll Conceal it, yet Neddy we have seen such Schemes successfull when the Projector is Constant I shall Conclude saying I wish there was a War.

Founders Online includes an unexpected record, a love poem Hamilton submitted for publication to The Royal Danish American Gazette (4/6/1771). While it’s not certain that Hamilton wrote it, the tone and content do reflect a young man beginning to rewrite his game:

I am a youth about seventeen, and consequently such an attempt as this must be presumptuous; but if, upon perusal, you think the following piece worthy of a place in your paper, by inserting it you’ll much oblige

What starts off as a sappy, romantic love story then grows darker:

In yonder mead my love I found Beside a murm’ring brook reclin’d: Her pretty lambkins dancing round Secure in harmless bliss. I bad the waters gently glide, And vainly hush’d the heedless wind, Then, softly kneeling by her side, I stole a silent kiss—

She wak’d, and rising sweetly blush’d By far more artless than the dove: With eager haste I onward rush’d, And clasp’d her in my arms; Encircled thus in fond embrace Our panting hearts beat mutual love— A rosy-red o’er spread her face And brighten’d all her charms.

Silent she stood, and sigh’d consent To every tender kiss I gave; I closely urg’d—to church we went, And hymen join’d our hands. Ye swains behold my bliss complete; No longer then your own delay; Believe me love is doubly sweet In wedlocks holy bands.—

Content we tend our flocks by day, Each rural pleasures amply taste; And at the suns retiring ray Prepare for new delight: When from the field we haste away, And send our blithsome care to rest, We fondly sport and fondly play, And love away the night.

Cœlia’s an artful little slut; Be fond, she’ll kiss, et cetera—but She must have all her will; For, do but rub her ’gainst the grain Behold a storm, blow winds and rain, Go bid the waves be still.

So, stroking puss’s velvet paws How well the jade conceals her claws And purs; but if at last You hap to squeeze her somewhat hard, She spits—her back up—prenez garde; Good faith she has you fast.

Stay tuned for Hamilton in our Records, Song 2: Aaron Burr, Sir.

More online:

Papers of Alexander Hamilton, Founders Online

Archives Displays Hamilton’s Documents in Exhibit Incorporating Musical’s Lyrics, National Archives News

Conversation with Chernow, Kail, and Miranda at the 2016 Records of Achievement Award Ceremony

#hamilton #lin-manuel miranda #support blm #hamiltonmusical #lin manuel miranda #hamilltonthemusical #linmanuelmiranda #ronchernow

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applsauss · 5 years ago

Text

Frustration

Series: Blink: The All-American Hero

Description: Katsuki takes himself too seriously and you make a joke out of everything, including him.

Quirk: Blink. (Y/N) can instantaneously teleport short-distances. She does not have to see her destination, however the matter she teleports cannot replace that which already exists (meaning she can cut herself in half by teleporting halfway through a wall).

Fandom:  My Hero Academia

Pairing:  Bakugou Katsuki/Reader

Word Count:  2.6k+

Warning(s):  None

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

Bakugou: I’m coming over.

(Read 7:43pm)

You don’t bother responding. It wouldn’t change anything, especially when he’s already made up his mind - but that’s besides the point because you’re glad that he’s coming over anyways. You’d been unnecessarily bothered by his appearance all day and you’re more than eager to make-out with him the way you usually end up doing when he stomps up to your room at this time of night.

He knocks on the door, and you hop over the mess on your floor to answer it. “(Y/N), we need to-” he starts spilling a speech that sounds weirdly prepared as soon as you swing the door open, but he doesn’t get very far in before you’re fisting the collar of his shirt and dragging him down so your lips meet. You’re not in the mood to listen to him complain about Midoriya, and usually he just needs to blow off steam rather than stew in malcontent anyways.

He grunts into your mouth, but relents and lets you pull him in your room. He kicks the door shut behind him so it slams with a wall-shaking bang, and then you’re not pulling so much as he’s pushing you towards your bed, whatever he was going to say forgotten for the moment as he squeezes your hips.

Your heels hit the frame of the bed, and you momentarily lose balance. It’s enough to make you wobble, then forcefully part from Bakugou as you fall back into a sitting position.

Bakugou’s chest is rising and falling, lips open and spit-slick as he breathes heavily. His eyes are unfocused until he meets your gaze, and then he closes his mouth, and swallows. “... Listen-” He starts again.

He looks unreasonably attractive like this, and you can see all of his bare neck and the underside of his jaw. You jump up to smooth your hands across his muscular shoulders and press a wet kiss to the bottom of his jaw, urging him to continue with a quiet hmm to indicate you’re paying attention.

His words stall and his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

You continue to lay kisses across his smooth skin, and he rests his hands on your shoulders by the base of your neck, touch feathery and light, squeezing every once in a while, like he can’t decide whether he wants to keep you where you are or push you away.

You introduce your teeth to the mix with a teasing scrape and he pushes you away lightly. “... (Y/N)...”

“What is it, Katsuki?” You drag your hands down his front, fingers pressing into his shirt until you reach his waist and are able to poke your fingers under the hem, ignoring the denim of his jeans to seek out soft skin.

“I’m trying to…” He snaps his mouth shut when you dip your fingers into the waistband of his boxers, which are peeking up over his low-slung jeans. In a fit, Bakugou pulls his phone out of his front pocket so he can bend his knees, then forcefully guides you away from him and onto the bed. You try and scoot up so your head’s by your pillows, but he clambers onto the bed after you and hooks his hands behind your knees and yanks you back down so your hips meet his, snug.

You let out an airy breath at his manhandling, and press up to kiss him again. “I’m…” he keeps trying to talk, “trying to…” You start playing with the hem of his shirt again. “... You…” It’s hard to kiss someone who’s rambling.

You think distantly that he tastes like soy sauce. He must have just come up from the kitchen. You use enough force to push him off you, then sling a leg over his hips, effectively straddling him. “Mmm, stop talking…” you mumble into the kiss, your tone teasing, and that seems to be as much as Bakugou can take.

He grunts, then pushes you off him by the hips and stands. “I’m leaving,” he says, and then he does, leaving you to stare at the door, confused at the turn of events that have suddenly left you alone on your bed.

Maybe he forgot he had to do something? You huff, then throw yourself back so you’re laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling. Your head flops to the side, and you notice he left his phone on your nightstand. It’s hard to ignore the feeling that you’ve done something wrong, so you restlessly stare at some homework until you decide that it’s late enough to excuse going to bed.

***

You don’t think too hard about last night, even after Bakugou never showed up for breakfast. After all, he’s Bakugou; He has moods, he goes through phases, and if he has something to say, he’ll say it.

When you skip into the classroom, Bakugou is already at his seat, scowling the same as he always is, only today he isn’t blaring music in his headphones as he waits for class to start. With his phone in hand, you skip over to his desk and take a seat on the one in front of it.

You wave his phone in front of him, but when he goes to grab it, you yank it back and hold it up by your smiling face. He directs his glare from the desk to you, lips pursed and eyebrows all scrunched up under his bangs.

“Good morning, Bakugou,” you beam down at him.

“Good morning,” he grunts, more to placate you than anything else.

You hold his phone out for him to take, then yank it back again when he tries to take it. This time, he grunts and drops his hands to the table. “… (Y/N).” His voice is a low warning.

The rest of the class ignoring you as all of this plays out, and you’re barely able to keep your laughter and smile under wraps.

You repeat the interaction a third time and Bakugou slams his hands on the table and stands up to face you, causing you burst out laughing. He lunges for you, his desk screeching across the floor, and you toss his phone at his chest and warp just out of reach, crouched on top of another desk, ready to leap away if necessary.

Bakugou lets out a puff of angry air through his nose, like a bull staring down a red cape, and sits back down. When he shoves his phone in his pocket, you swing your legs out from underneath you and blink back to the original desk in front of him. “Tough time waking up this morning without your alarm?”

His fists clench on the desk. “You’re making me mad.”

“Not my fault you forgot it in my room.” you say back, hoping he’ll get that you’re teasing him. You still remember the way he kicked himself out of your dorm all huffy and upset, and this is all you got to try figure out what he’s so twisted up about.

He just grunts in acknowledgement, then sets his head heavily on his hand to stare straight ahead towards the blackboard.

You reach over to flick his ear and he swats at your hand before you can touch him. “Fuck off. You’re too happy in the morning.”

“Whaaat?” You ask, moving to flick him again and he smacks your hand away, this time giving you a hard glare.

“Seriously. Cut it out.”

“Okay,” you feign retreat, and he sets his arm back down on the desk when you leap up to flick his ear. He shoves his open palm towards you, a little explosion lighting it up and you’re caught halfway through a laugh before you warp to the complete opposite side of the room, an explosion sizzling in the space you’d just been occupying.

Half the class jumps, woken up by the sudden loud noise, and the other half idly watches, used to your antics, but always happy to watch Bakugou have a melt down.

You’re waiting for a further overreaction, some more back and forth, when Bakugou just sits in his seat and stares forward towards the whiteboard without so much as insulting you.

You’re confused, and when he continues to ignore your existence for the rest of class, you begin to worry even more.

***

“Is Bakugou… mad at you?” Mina whispers to you when Bakugou sits at the far end of the table instead of right next to you, like he usually does.

Kirishima stares after his friend, then shoots you a confused look, but you can only shrug, just as in the dark as he is, and so he turns back to Kaminari.

“I… Don’t know,” you mumble, pushing your fried rice around in your bowl, eyes trained on Bakugou, who instead of eating, just scowls at his tray like it said something he didn’t like.

You don’t know what’s eating him, but you’re going to get to the bottom of it. Afterall, that’s what being in a relationship with Bakugou is all about, right? Poking and prodding at his sour moods until he breaks and you catch a glimpse of the real him, insecurities and all?

***

Bakugou dodges you for the rest of the day, until finally, you spy him from the kitchen as he slips into the boys shower room. Naturally, you follow, intent on cornering him and twisting his arm until spills the beans and lets you pamper him until he feels better.

You blink into the bathrooms behind him, just in front of the entrance. He doesn’t show any signs of hearing you enter, and is instead still stalking towards the showers in the back.

“Bakugou…” you call out to get his attention, and he immediately stops, shoulders going tense and rising next to his ears, his shower bag clenched in a white-knuckled grip. You grow insecure, and lean back against the door. Maybe he really is sincere this time when he tells you to fuck off, but he can’t just avoid you. He’s obviously upset about something, and you’re going to help.

“This is the boys shower room.” he grunts in the same dismissive voice he’s been using with you all day.

“I know.”

“Then leave.”

“Bakugou,”

“Fuck off.”

“No! I just want to know why you’re mad at me!” You say the words before you can think them through, and you cringe at how selfish it sounds. ‘I just want to know why you’re mad at me!’ not, ‘I want to know what’s got you so bent out of shape!’, not, ‘I want to know how I can help!”

He’s quiet and tense and you hear the familiar crackle of explosions nestled in the palm of his empty hand before he clenches his fists and the sparks go out. You catch a whiff of caramel.

“Bakugou,”

“Fuck off.”

“Bakugou!”

“You know what? Fine!” Bakugou shouts as he wildly whips around to face you. “It’s because you were making me mad at you on purpose!” He’s shaking with barely concealed rage and glaring right at you as he continues. “I know I yell a lot at everyone, and I don’t give a shit about those extras, but I don’t want to actually be mad at you!”

“Oh..” You didn’t think… You never thought...

“OH? That’s all you have to say? Of course that’s all you have to say, you’re a fucking moron with the emotional intelligence of a fish.”

You stare, stunned, at him.

“I tried to have a real conversation with you last night and you wouldn’t even give me enough space to say what I wanted to say! I want to know where we stand after your stupid exchange ends. Graduation is only a semester away! Do you have plans? Are you staying in Japan? Are you leaving? If you’re leaving, are you ever coming back?”

You can’t say anything.

“You’re so fucking stupid, sometimes, YN!” he continues, “I love you! I want us to have a future!”

“I didn’t…”

“You didn’t what? Think I cared?”

“Bakugou… You know that’s not”...

“No! That’s exactly what you think, isn’t it.”

“Bakugou!”

“Stop saying my name over and over and just answer me, god damn it!”

“I... “ you gulp, “I wanna stay!”

“Good!” He shouts, and then you’re both left in the deafening silence. He’s panting, seething, and you feel like you want to melt into the door behind you.

“I want to stay, Bakugou,” you repeat, quieter, and suddenly you feel like you’re going to cry, the admission making you feel so brittle, and all you want is for him to hug you but he doesn’t want to hug you and it’s all your fault - because you couldn’t see that he was hurting, because you kept trying to fix things by being funny.

He doesn’t say anything, and you both stand in the wet smelling bathroom, staring at each other’s feet until Bakugou lets out a short, hurt “Fuck!” He drops his shower supplies and takes a seat on the floor, back against the wall next to the sink.

He bows over, cradling his head and you don’t know what to do, don’t know why your heart is pounding so hard. He forces his hands into his hair and pulls hard, then lets his arms drop loose over his knees. He turns his head sideways to peek at you, and for a brief flash, you catch the ashamed expression on his face before he turns away to look at the tile again.

“Come here,” he demands without moving an inch, still staring down at his feet.

You jump, but don’t move any closer. Mouth dry.

He drags his forearm across his face, sniffs, then glares at the wall in front of him, not looking at you, but not hiding either. His eyes are red and his face is wet. He reaches his arm out towards you, and then you find yourself moving closer before you made the choice to.

You swiftly make your way farther into the bathroom, then drop into a sitting position next to Katsuki and shuffle yourself so his outstretched arm is over your shoulder and you’re turning your head to press the side of your face to his chest.

Immediately, he wraps both arms around you and presses his nose to the top of your head. At first, you’re stiff and hurt, and then he sighs, body sagging, and you feel yourself relaxing into the overbearing heat and tight hold Katsuki has you caught in, like he’s desperate to keep you at his side, like he’d never let anything happen to you. His hands are burning hot.

The thought is nice.

He’s sniffing, quietly quivering every once in a while, and you can feel the moment the stress from the situation undoes you. You swing your arm around to grip at his T-shirt as you start to cry earnestly.

You didn’t realize you’d be this bothered by Katsuki ignoring you, being upset with you. It’s dumb to get so wrapped up in relationship squabbles, but it’s something that can’t be avoided, not when you care about the relationship as much as you do.

“I’m sorry for shouting,” Katsuki mumbles into your hair, “and for getting mad-” his voice cracks and you hug him tighter to you, so your glasses are pressing painfully into the bridge of your nose.

You remove a hand quickly to pull your glasses off and wipe some of your own tears away. “I know. This is dumb. I’m sorry, too.”

He lets out a hot, pent-up breath and you return your hand to it’s place on his chest, over his heart and lose yourself to the rolling silence that settles in the wake of a fight.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 

Masterlist in desc.

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bakugou katsuki imagine #bnha imagine

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yououghtaknow · 4 years ago

Text

skam brighton season 5 music analysis

hello :) i’ve gone through all the songs on previous seasons of skam brighton and explained why i used them and i thought i would do it for season 5 now that it’s over.

tw for disucssion of addiction, racism, pedophilia, transphobia and homophobia

trailer

we begin with a bang with “don’t blame me” by taylor swift. now it has been said about me that i am a swiftie and it is true. and nick braxton is a reputation era bitch. this song has quite literally it all for nick’s character - we got christian themes, reference to drug addiction and an unhealthy devotion to someone. this trailer has gone through many songs to find the perfect one, but i decided on this one because of the themes, and also because of the line “they say she’s gone too far this time” - which, in regards to nick, can be read in many ways. we got the nick going “too far” with his love for james in subtly trying to break liz and james up, nick and their drug addiction, and nick and their relationship with their gender identity - going too far in both the masculine and feminine directions. also it bangs your honour.

episode one

we!! begin!! with!! saturday night’s alright for fighting by sir elton john!!! because it is saturday night and, as we’vee seen, nick isn’t afraid to get into a fight or two. this song specifically was chosen because of the movie rocketman, which i drew a lot of inspiration from, with the themes of drug addiction and sexuality. also, once again, it simply slaps.

we then get “ymca” by the village people playing in the background over the rest of the party scene. i chose this song because it is a very stereotypically gay song, and a lot of what i wanted nick to deal with was self-perception in regards to stereotypes. he is very stereotypically flamboyant because it’s both the way he is and a defensive mechanism - leading to his bisexuality being erased and being seen as gay a lot of the time. he ‘s pretty much the opposite in regards to his asian identity, with him not being academically intelligent and outspoken and being very british in their speaking patterns. it’s about the balance and duality and all that stuff.

then, as we are formally introduced to nick’s devotion to james, we get “where dreams go to die” by john grant. thank you to my friend katya for recommeding this song as a nick song because it is just. crazy. every line makes me want to scream. especially “this is like a well-oiled machine / could i please see that smile again? / it's all that makes me feel like i am living in this world”. like that just shows the extent of nick’s love - because sometimes you’re just in love with the idea of being saved rather than seeking help. is that poetic or am i just pretentiously talking about my trauma? who knows.

we then get “overprotected” by britney spears - because britney has been a nick staple the whole series. i first heard the song in the musical & juliet and i was immediately like “oh nick core”. the song opens with: “ i need time (time) / love (love), joy (joy) / i need space (love) / i need me (action!) / say hello to the girl that i am / you're gonna have to see through my perspective”. because we are literally seeing from nick’s perspective. i also wanted to introduce the gender dynamics early - including in the trailer, where nick refers to themself with she/her pronouns - and her nick is referred to in the text of the song as a girl. it’s also a very sad song about not having any control over your life with a fun pop backing track, which is very nick braxton.

we then get another party scene, that opens with “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” (by ariana grande) covered by sam fender. i chose this song because 1) i love the cover and 2) god is it a nick song. literally nick has so many wants (to be loved by their family, to get sober, to succeed in school, to explore their gender freely) but he focuses on wanting james and wanting james to leave liz because there are less achievable and thus safer. also the song fucking slaps.

we close with “happy little pill” by troye sivan, a mlm classic. a staple of 2014. i chose this song because 1) drug in title, easy get, and 2) it’s actually a really good song???? it’s about the dissociation. it’s very similar to the scene with bree in season 4 episode 1 where “chandelier” plays as she’s clearly not doing well but she’s pretending for the sake of her friends. nick and bree are narrative foils and i love them.

episode two

the first song of episode 2 is “be great” by lolandre and jeremy pope after we see nick and his dad’s dynamic for the first time. and it’s really something huh. it’s about how christian does want nick to be great, but christian has a very narrow idea of what success and happiness looks like.

the next bit of media we get in this episode is nick watching the first episode of euphoria. when preparing to write various seasons of skam brighton, i watched a lot of teen dramas to get a good feel for the vibe i was going for. euphoria was one of them and it’s a show i have a lot of mixed feelings for - i think it’s very well crafted and extremely interesting but i also do have issues with the sexualisation of teenagers on screen, even if it is mostly realistic. i chose this scene specifically because nick and rue are very similar characters, in regards to their relationships with their parents (i believe nick is more of a jules kinnie but more on that later). they both just want to be a good kid and make them happy, but they can never seem to do it. gia, rue’s younger sister, is also a parallel to nick’s brothers.

we then get “old eden” by honeywater which is just simply a song i like very much that had the vibes of the scene. also the lines “i want love / but i don't just want love, i want you / i see the beach house, your sweet mouth / but the terrible news / is that love is not how it seems on the screen / yeah, real love has problems / but it's what's in-between that's the best” is simply just nick braxton huh. ambiguous disorder.

we then get “generation why” by conan gray as nick storms out of their house after a fight with their parents. i chose it very simply for the vibes because i only listened to this song once and thought “i do not wish to listen to this in my free time but it is a nick braxton time”. it’s just the angsty indie pop main character walking down the street vibes.

we!!! end!!! with!!! a song i love very much - “sex drive” by austin mckenzie of dwsa fame. this song plays over nick getting “rejected” by james and resorting to grindr to feed their want for human affection - which is where the parallels to ms jules euphoria come from. i chose this song specifically because it begins with the lines “who’s driving?” on repeat, which calls into question who is in control in the scenario. as seen on screen, nick is the one who initiates the “date” but, at the end of the day, nick is an underage teenager and the person he’s on a date with is an adult man. also the song is simply a fun bisexual time.

episode three

we open with “hurricane drunk” by florence and the machine, a song that has been decidedly nick core since 2018. like “i’m in the grip of a hurricane / i’m going to blow myself away”...... nick braxton you crazy little person

“yours” by greyson chance plays over nick and james driving out to the woods to skip school together….. it is quite insane. “no matter who i'm with, it's you that i adore / if you're not sure / baby, i'm yours” like i scream and shout nick braxton has always been in love with the concept of james cohen

“myrtle ave.” by mxmtoon plays as nick is feeling isolated from his friends…. like they just vibe with the song and the lyrics so hard. nick is just. i have no words other than i love them.

we close with “st jimmy” by green day because. goddammit isn’t he. like james just comes out as bisexual (just like st jimmy in american idiot the broadway musical) and nick is like “you are like a saint to me, i worship you, i will do anything for you”. like it’s a song about drug addiction but it’s also about being bisexual but it’s also about the performance of masculinity and the performance of being a “rebel” that james and nick both do i love them so much.

episode four

we begin with “lucy in the sky with diamonds” by the beatles. i do not listen to the beatles but i think the song is about drugs and the beatles is a james cohen band in canon so it has the connotations babey.

we then get “seventeen” by troye sivan as nick goes on grindr to seek out adult men. it’s genuinely such a nick song - once again, the fun poppy music in the background and the deeply upsetting lyrics. also, as in season 4, i chose this song to emphasise the fact that nick is seventeen and a minor and should not be doing these activities.

we then get “dancing on my own” by robyn as we’re at the vaguely halloween-esque party. it’s once again about the boppy music and sad lyrics and like. nick voice i’m in the corner watching you kiss her ohhhhhh i’m right over here why can’t you see me ohhhhhhh i’m giving it my all but i’m not the guy you’re taking home ooooh i keep dancing on my own. like he’s fucking insane (he is both me and nick)

and then!!!! we get a scene very personal to me. nick watching rocky horror for the first time at a shadowcast showing and watching “the time warp”. i first saw rocky horror when i was about 10/11 because i saw it on glee and wanted to watch the real movie and it made me so so transgender and homosexual. it is such a non-binary little movie and the time warp is just an absolute bop.

it’s followed by a brief showing of “sweet transvestite” because tim curry in that movie is such an experience for anyone involved. like oh to be gender questioning nick braxton and to see that. what a fucking experience. and also to be gender questioning 11 year old me and to see that and then find out my school is doing a kidz bop version of rocky horror. fucking insane transgender times.

we close with “cecily smith” by will connolly as milo and nick walk home together because. it is just such a sweet song. like life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with. and it is a very nickmilo song and i am the president of nickmilo nation. i love a non-binary romance i do i do i do.

episode five

we open with “halloween” by phoebe bridgers because it is literally halloween. insane. but it is also such a nick braxton song like come on man we can be anything…… nick braxton voice i’ll be whatever you want…… it’s about the people pleasing and the desire to be wanted and needed loved and goodness gracious. also nick braxton fig faeth kinnie for this song specifically.

and then!!!!! we get nick dramatically singing “girl crush” by the harry styles version in his bathroom mirror. because goddammit they do have a girl crush. it’s about the gender and the desire to both be with james and to be liz becausenick is non-binary babey……..

and then!!!!! in such a parallel!!!!! we get milo singing “inner white girl” from a strange loop on their instagram live. “a strange loop” was a big inspiration for this season, with very similar themes fo it (you should listen to it right now) and this song….. quite genuinely we have nick singing a song about wanting to be a white girl and then they hear this song….. like nick does cling to his inner white girl as a way of staying safe - they cling to the safe idea of mlm flamboyancy and humour to hide from their genuine emotions and gender……. like it is insane to me. also white girls can do anything can’t they!!!!!!!

we then get “the people who raised me” by gregory and the hawks after nick has a fight with their parents…. “but i won't mind no time spent to save me / just trying to be good to the people who raised me” literally nick is trying his best to be good but he can’t be and that makes him angry!!!!!! but that anger is born out of a deep, deep sadness that nick has no emotional language to express, but anger is a language he can speak and it is. insane. like it’s about masculinity, it’s about femininity, it’s about everything. fuck.

we then get "search your heart" by george feeny as nick sadly vibes at school…. also this scene does parallel with the liz/mary scene in season 2 where their parents fight. like liz is shitty to her friends but stays for her sister and nick is great to his friends but leaves his brothers behind….. the range.

and then!!!! we get phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” because it is friday and nick is in love huh.

and then!!!!!!!!!! a moment i have been building up to!!!!! we get “back to black” by ms amy winehouse after nick finds out james has a crush on alistair thee fletcher. and just like. god. this song has everything for nick. it’s a song about depression, addiction, leaving your lover, anger, bitterness, second choice ness….. and also he is literally going back to black with his hair colour!!!!! because he thinks being more masculine is what will make people love him and he views pink hair as un-masculine!!!!! and he’s also going back to his family, so he’s going back to trying to hide himself to fit into their expectations….. like god it is an insane little time.

episode six

we open with “idk if i’m a boy” by blue foster - a song i got on my discover weekly and it was a deeply personal attack. like nick voice i don’t know if i’m a reject i don’t know if i’m a loser but i know that i’ve been feeling feminine since i’ve been teething…. and how the song uses humour as a way to cope with gender dysphoria like it’s nick bay bee.

we then get “green light” by lorde because god it is such a james/nick song i feel insane. like “did it frighten you / how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?” because james and nick have canonically kissed many times before….. also lorde as an artist just has such intense nick vibes it’s so much fun

we then get "fluorescent adolescent" by arctic monkeys over a party scene because i’ve been told on the internet that it is a british teen party classic. unfortunately the rowdiest party i’ve ever been to is my cousin’s christening so i do not know if it is factual, but it does slap.

we then get vérité’s cover of somebody else by the 1975 because i just simply prefer this version. but like. oh nick braxton. oh it’s about the rori and the james and the nick being afraid of being open and committing to someone but still wanting to feel the sense of being wanted by someone and being the sole person they want….. literally it is very crazy.

and then we end with “sugar we’re going down” by fall out boy!!!!! like it it such a good song nick voice am i more than you bargained for yet!!! i’ve been dying to tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear!!!! because that’s just who i am this week!!!!! like it fits so well with his character but also it is so funny that sugar we’re going down plays as they faint at the party……. i am a comedian sometimes.

episode seven

the first song we get in this ep is “demi moore” by phoebe bridgers as nick is detoxing in the hospital. like quite genuinely “i don’t wanna be stoned anymore!!!!!!!!” they don’t want to be alone anymore!!!!!!!!!

then we get “bite the hand” by boygenius. just. like. “i can’t love you the way you want me to” is just. such a statement for nick’s season. like he can’t love james the way james wants to be loved by nick, they can’t love their parents, their parents can’t love them…… it’s all about learning how to love in a way that is felt by all parties involved in the relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise. like. it’s so insane it’s all about love

and then we get “relay” by fiona apple - which was a contender for the trailer song at some point. like nick @ alistair is very “i resent you for being raised right etc.” because he knows liz is fucked up and has flaws, he’s seen them, but alistair is easy to project all of his hatred onto. also just like evil is a relay sport thank you ms apple.

we then get “girls just wanna have fun” by cyndi lauper and “dancing queen” and “mamma mia” by abba sung at the lgbt youth club karaoke night because. i mean of course they are. also they are very fun gender songs and i enjoy them :)

and then. my friends. the moment you’ve been waiting for. nick braxton singing alanis morrissette’s “you oughta know”. now this is gonna be a long one.

the you oughta know analysis

first things first, i got the jagged little pill broadway behind the scenes book for christmas and there’s a whole chapter about you oughta know being a song about the queer struggle of being unseen and unheard and i feel so validated like that is exactly what the song is about.

but for nick. oh baby. it is them singing to james, to rori, to al, to liz, to bree, to his parents, to his teachers, to everyone who perceives them wrong. it’s their moment of standing up and saying i am angry and i am serious about this and i deserve to be listened to as a young person. i will now give an in depth analysis of every line i want to.

“the perfect version of me” - bree and nick have had so many parallels throughout the series, which bree can be described as a “better” version of nick. they’re in therapy, she’s taking care of herself, they’re bisexual and it’s accepted by everyone, she’s a good partner to rori, she has parents who love her, and she can be gender non-conforming in a safe way. but this line also applies to al - because nick and al have also been compared this season, with al talking about how he’s comfortable with his femininity and james liking al, who, despite claiming to be more feminine, is still more traditionally masculine than nick. al, bree and liz are all very academically smart. they are all very creatively gifted. liz doesn’t struggle for money. nick, in their mind, compared to all of these people, is a failure.

“so she speaks eloquently / and she could have your baby / i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother” - this applied to both liz and bree, who both try to be seen as very eloquent speakers, and who are both afab, so therefore can have james’s baby - something nick wouldn’t be able to do. but we have seen in liz and bree’s seasons that they both have sexual trauma, and bree especially is uncomfortable with having children. it’s nick having this idea of womanhood and femininity being something so unattainable and required for james - that it kind of segways into al. because al is also assigned female at birth and could, as he is pre-t, hypothetically have a child, which is playing into some transphobic notions, but nick sees al as both more feminine and more masculine than him - making al just perfect for james.

“and every time you speak his name / does he know why you told me / you'd be there until you died / 'til you died, but you're still alive” - nick changes to he pronouns here, now directly talking about al. we’ve seen james flirting with nick and we know they’ve kissed in the past, and james and nick are incredibly close friends. but james still, in nick’s mind at this point, chose al over him.

“it was a slap in the face / how quickly i was replaced / and are you thinking of me when she fucks you?” - the conversation about how all the skam brighton characters relate to the line between sex and love is so interesting to me. it is also the reason i do not allow my parents to read this show. but anyways - nick does feel so genuinely replaced by everyone in his life, like there’s always a newer, better version waiting just around the corner. what nick doesn’t know is that that is how everyone else around him feels as well. and the line “are you thinking of me when she fucks you” is such a pointed line because it’s not a line of confidence or a joke. nick knows that no one thinks about them like that because they feel repulsive but try to play it off as a joke.

then we get the “i” section, which is, in the script, more “ayes” and “nahs”, but i wanted to change it to be the word “i” specifically because so much of the season is nick existing for other people. for their parents, for their friends, for their clients, for james. in this moment, they are choosing themself. they are standing up and saying “what i feel is important and i fucking matter”

“'cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me / and i'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes / and you know it” - because nick’s sexuality and nick as a romantic partner is treated as such a joke throughout the show’s run, and james has been trying to turn every time he kissed nick into a joke that will go away, but it’s not going to go away because nick remembers it. even if james tries to deny his sexuality to nick’s face, nick is always going to remember that james was, at some point, attracted to men enough to kiss him.

“and every time i scratch my nails / down someone else's back, i hope you feel it / well, can you feel it?” - every time nick has sought out sex with strangers it’s because they feel rejected and insecure in themself. they seek out this sexual validation as a way to feed their want to be loved and noticed by people and he wants james and rori to feel hurt by it - he wants to have the power, he wants to have the control.

“and i’m here” - this line is just. so powerful to me. because it’s a line of defeat - after all this time, nick’s ended up at some crappy youth group with his little brother babysitting him, and he’s been dumped and cheated on and overdosed and everything is so awful. but then it becomes a line of celebration. of “yeah, all that shit happened to me, but i’m still here, i’m still standing, and no one can take away the fact that i am here and i am alive and i deserve to be respected” - something milo taught them when they talked about their tattoo

“to remind you of the mess you left when you went away” - nick himself is the mess they all left - because they feel so abandoned and alone and like they are just a mess to be discarded, but he’s here to remind everyone that he’s here. it’s a call for help.

“it's not fair, to deny me / of the cross i bear that you gave to me” - this line i always saw as directed at his parents - they gave him this cross of being the perfect eldest sibling that ended up crushing him, and they deny that it ever happened. but nick knows it did. the same way he knows james like guys. the same way he knows rori didn’t like only him. the same way he’s been denying himself of the cross he bears of being non-binary, the cross of being an addict, the cross of being a mentally ill neurodivergent person. this song is him finally letting go of that denial.

“you oughta know” - he’s talking to everyone with that line. everyone should know about his pain, about his emotions, about what he’s gone through, because he’s kept it so bottled up for years. it’s not fair for him not to share it because he deserve to.

they don’t call me isaac tumblr user yououghtaknowmp3 for nothing.

episode eight

we open with “seven” by taylor swift as nick reads a letter they wrote to their younger self. like. “i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” is such a line about being neurodivergent as a child and then being forced to mask as you grow up….. also the bridge is just james and nick core…. you should come live with me and we could be pirates…..

we then get “nonbinary” by arca because i feel like at this point nick would be trying to listen to more nonbinary artists because they want to see themself reflected rather than running from it!!!!

we then get “heather” by conan gray as nick and liz accidentally meet at the local mentally ill teen zone. because i am just fucking crazy like that. and yes, i chose that song before it got big on tiktok. but i think it’s funnier because it is a famous song.

we then get “falling” by harry styles as nick is being emo in their bedroom because nick is just the type of person who will dramatically listen to harry styles in their bedroom whilst being sad. it also completes the full circle of sad taylor swift to sad harry styles, but with no vehicular manslaughter.

we then get “400 lux” by lorde after james and nick have their big conversation because like it is just a them song. like you buy me orange juice. it’s also about the james/nick having a gansey/ronan dynamic in the way that nick is devotedly in love with him and james is just being homoerotic for the jokes. but not most other ways. honestly i haven’t thought about the skam brighton versions of these characters in trc….. many thoughts head full

episode nine

we open with “pink rabbits” by the national as nick redyes their hair back to pink. and i’ll be honest. i only chose this song because it has pink in the title. but it does still vibe with nick though.

we then get “be your own 3am” by adult mom as nick is dealing with some bad cravings. it’s just a very pretty song for listening to alone at night in your bed in that weird space between sleep and awake. i love it.

we then get “i am not a robot” by marina as nick walks down the street because nick is a marina bitch!!!!!!! and “you've been acting awful tough lately / smoking a lot of cigarettes lately / but inside, you're just a little baby / it's okay to say you've got a weak spot” is such a nick @ james line it makes me insane

also rich’s entire character and backstory is directly lifted from skins gen 3 because i am niche and make content just for me

we then end with “rager teenager!” by troye sivan because i have listened to that song exactly once, decided it had nick vibes, and just stuck it in an episode somewhere.

episode ten

we open with “strange torpedo” by lucy dacus because it is just. such a nick song. it is insane. i am insane. like it is about nick wanting someone but not being sure who or what it is because he just wants to be loved and discovers that sometimes being liked is better than being loved…….

we then get “used to you” by mxmtoon and like….. “tell me what i can say / and i can say it / tell me what i can do / and i can do my best / tell me who i should be / and i can change it” is such a nick early s5 lyric…… and how the song is kind of a love song but the line “now i’m just kind of used to you” is very nick about his feelings towards james

we then get “gay street fighter” by keiynan lonsdale as milo gets their sexy slow mo that all of the love interests get at some point. they deserve it.

and then “to be alone with you” by sufjan stevens plays as milo and nick have their first kiss in the pool because i always wanted to include that scene and thought “hey here is good”. and like. they are alone with each other a lot and they like spending time with each other….. they are friends, they are teens, they are falling in love a little <3

we then get “creep” by lena hall as nick has a little gender moment at school. lena hall played yitzhak in the broadway revival of hedwig and the angry inch and she just has so much gender. creep has always been a nick song and this cover just…. it’s them.

we then get some ambient guitar music during the nick/rori scene and i chose some songs from “your city gave me asthma” by wilbur soot because it is a fucking great album and nick is canonically a mcyt stan so i simply had to. we end with “your new boyfriend”, which is a funnier, happier wilbur soot song and it is simply a fun time.

episode eleven

we open with “gender is boring” by she/her/hers which is just an absolute banger. like “gender never really meant that much to me / til' people started telling me how it was supposed to be” is such a great line and it is very nick braxton because. like. it’s just gender babey everything is about gender except for gender which is about having fun.

“dorothea” by taylor swift plays as james and nick have their final big scene together and like. it is such a homoerotic and fun song i love it so much thank you taylor friend of the show swift. “and if you're ever tired of being known / for who you know / you know, you'll always know me” is just……. god.

we then get “i do (end credits)” by kevin abstract as we open on the final scene of the season because a) it has end credits in the title and b) it is just another song i think nick would enjoy listening to.

we then get “they/them/theirs” by worriers as we get another little party montage because it’s a vibe time and like. i do love a they/them pronoun moment. it’s a very good and fun pronoun to use.

and finally we get “prelude” from next to normal as al comes in late to the party and awkwardly stands at the back. i chose this song because. well. you’ll see :)

thank you for reading my analysis that no one asked for, i just love having fun and talking about my silly little show :)

#skam brighton #skam brighton spoilers #isaac speaks #who wants my two page long essay on you oughta know but specifically for MY nonbinary comic relief character with christian trauma #i am fucking crazy BUT i am free :)

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asbcblog · 4 years ago

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TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty,

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years ago

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In Sorrow and In Joy- Part 7: Human

Luke learns the hard way what it means to be a dad and how to keep his family safe and together. Dad!Luke with a South Asian Reader. This is a collaborative experience with A Family of Five.

CW: Over the course of this series, themes of racism and prejudice on the basis of religion are present. Please read or skip as necessary.

Enjoy my masterlist | Series Masterlist

Support me on kofi

No one has my permission to repost my work of fiction. This includes translations as well.

_____________________

Zeek and Noor are adamant about a bike ride. Zahra prefers to get her nails done. Luke had hoped to send more time together as a family on his day off. But unfortunately there’s not enough hours in the day to do both together. You agree to take Zahra to a nail salon close to the hotel. Luke grabs some bikes with the twins and they agree on a path around time. Hopefully by the time you two are done, they’ll be at the frozen yogurt place everyone agreed to meet at. Helmets acquired, Luke wrangles the kids, kissing you on the cheek.

“Have fun. Be safe,” you chime, watching them shuffle out the hotel door.

Noor walks directly beside Luke, smiling as they walk down the hallways of the hotel. “How’s the comic coming along?” Luke asks Zeek, nodding for him to catch up.

Zeek sighs a little. “Alright, I guess.” It’s not going anywhere really. He’s stuck. It’s mainly inspiration. He doesn’t feel inspired enough to take his character. He goes to so many places, but honestly none of those intrigued him. He could make his character the typical superhero who saves everyone but not himself. But that feels tired and making the hero the villain in the end seems obvious too. Not as obvious as the first option, however, it feels unoriginal to Zeek. But he can’t seem to find the thing that makes his character accessible.

“Just alright?” Luke asks. “What’s going on?”

“I just think I need to clear my head for a little bit, you know?”

Luke nods, looking down at his son. Placing his hand on Zeek’s back, Luke prays that the bike ride will help. Noor takes his other hand as they descend down the elevator. The sudden dropping sensation still catches her off guard. He gives her small hand a squeeze, smiling down at her furrowed brow. The second they step out of the hotel, Luke can hear the click of cameras. He tucks both kids into his side. They know this drill unfortunately. Both keep their faces buried in the cloth of his t-shirt.

With a stern glance to the papz, Luke manages to keep them far enough at bay. It’s moments like this that Luke wished he wasn’t famous. Not even for his sake, but for the sake of his family. Every little thing they do automatically becomes a news headline. They breathe the wrong way and it’s blasted across tabloids and blogs. He wishes for his kids to have normalcy, a childhood they don’t have to recover from. Though he might have fucked that up just a little with Zahra. But he’s trying. At the end of the day, no matter what mistakes Luke makes, he tries his damnedest to give them a normal life. If only the fucking paps would politely be on the same page as him.

Far from the paps, and flashes, Luke let’s them pick out whatever bike they want from the rental shop. “Daddy, can we ride that one together?” Noor asks, pointing up high to a baby blue tandem bike.

“Of course, sweetheart.” Luke has the worker pull that one down and then tries to find Zeek. It shouldn’t be that hard to do since the shop is practically empty besides them. But it still takes a moment to find the red flames on Zeek’s helmet.

Luke walks over, Noor in toe. “So let me guess,” he starts, looking at the two bikes in front of him. Luke rubs a hand over the beard. “You’re gonna go with the black one. Because the red doesn’t quite match the red in your helmet.”

Zeek grins. “Or maybe I could go with the red one just because you said something.”

A chuckle falls from Luke’s lips. “You’re just saying that because I was right. So which one is it? Prove your old man wrong, huh?”

Zeek looks back to the bikes. His dad is right. The red doesn’t quite match the color of his helmet. But does he really want to prove his dad right? Zeek looks between them before spotting something gold. He looks up to see an employee setting out a new bike. He grins, pointing it out. “That one.”

As Luke settles his gaze onto the bike, he grins a little. Of course, Zeek would. “Alright,” he nods, “that one it is then.”

The three of them hop onto their bikes. Luke takes a selfie while Zeek takes a moment to get balanced. “Say cheese,” Luke warns, barely giving the boy enough time to look up.

“Take another one!” Zeek demands horrified at how dumb his face looks.

“I like that one. But I’ll take a spare one,” he angles the phone up again. Noor pokes her head out from behind Luke. Zeek is able to smile this time. Luke sends it to you, even though you may not see it for a while. He knows you’ll still gush over it the second your nails are dry and free to use.

The wind starts to blow over their faces as they gain some speed. Noor pedals as hard as she can to keep up with Luke, but as they travel, she gets distracted by the numerous brightly colored shop displays. Zeek keeps up the pace. He’s less intrigued by the stores and finds himself thinking up scenarios for the people who walk around them. What time did they wake up? What do they eat for breakfast, if they eat at all? He wonders what they’re childhood was like. Did they ever break an arm falling out of a tree?

One woman sits waiting for the bus. Zeek imagines she works in some sort of office building by the gray dress pants. Not the boss, unfortunately, but one day she’ll take over. She works hard. Maybe she’s an architect. Yeah, that fits her. She designs skyscrapers; she’s working on the tallest building ever right now. Her boss will love the design, but try to steal it as his own. So she quits and starts her own company. Soon it becomes the number one architecture business in the world and her old boss comes crawling back in need of any sort of work. She could easily turn him away, or give him a job scrubbing toilets. But she can’t, she’s too nice. She’ll give him an entry level position. She’ll advance him as she sees fit. She will kill him with kindness.

“Dad,” Noor starts, “look.” She points to a candy shop they’re approaching. “Can we stop for candy?”

“Sure thing. Only something small though,” he warns before crossing the street and turning left down the block towards the shop. Right next door is a comic book shop. As they unload off the bikes Zeek hovers outside the door.

“Can I go in Dad?”

“Once Noor picks her candy out, you can head over.” It’s fair, so Zeek lingers behind them.

Noor looks with awe at all the large displays. She points out a giant ring pop, laughing. “It’s small, right?.”

Luke chuckles. “That is most definitely not small at all.”

“You’re no fun,” she teases.

“Daddy is tons of fun!”

Zeek laughs. “Yeah for your age, you’re tons of fun. Just not after 9 pm.”

Luke whips around, mouth agape and the start of a snort catching in his throat. “Oh, someone’s got the sass today.” Zeek laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, I was going to grab you a reese’s but I guess now I’ll put it back,” he jokes with a huff. Luke starts towards the chocolate display, orange wrapper in hand.

“I’ll trade the reese’s for a comic anyway,” Zeek offers.

“Cherry or grape?” Noor asks, looking to her brother. She’s holding up two blowpops.

“Both. One for now. One for later.”

She huffs. “Why do I ever ask you?”

Wrapping her in a hug, Zeek chuckles. “Because you love me.”

She wraps her hands around his forearms, a return gesture to his hug. “Unfortunately.” She eventually settles on the grape, though Luke argues for cherry. The red will still be noticeable on her tongue, but far less than the purple dye. He can’t say no to her pout though. They’ll have to figure out a way out of your rage when that bridge arises. Luke can already hear the lecture you’re going to give him about how they were already getting frozen yogurt before even having dinner. He can already see the huff pushing out from your shoulders.

The door to the comic book store chimes again. Zeek looks up from the copy he’s holding to see Noor and Luke walking in. “Heads up,” Luke calls out, holding up the reese’s. Luke tosses it and Zeek manages to catch it one handed.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome. See anything cool?”

Zeek holds up the comic he’s reading. “Newest edition.”

Luke nods, looking through the comics. The only ones he truly recognizes and can follow along with are things like Captain America, Deadpool, and Batman, the mainstream ones really. But Zeek takes a particular interests in the ones from Dark Horse. So Luke tries to keep up with them, though they do sometimes become lost on him. Luke still listens to Zeek explain all the actions sequences, the plot lines. He watches with a smile as Zeek comes alive, talking, the smile that takes over his boy’s face, the way he talks with his hands. The pure excitement and rush of being listening too.

“Hey, you see that one?” Luke points out with a cover he hasn’t seen in Zeek’s collection. A tribal leader of sorts, the headgear is faded out and made of something Luke can’t quite see from here.

“I’m reading that series with a friend. He’s a couple issues behind and it’s his turn to get the copy,” Zeek answers.

“Let me know if it’s good? It looks interesting.”

With a nod, Zeek watches as his dad looks over more titles. He knows his dad isn’t into this, comics and drawing aren’t what get his dad out of bed in the morning. It’s normally an alarm, or the need to write or play music. And yet in still, he puts in so much effort. Was he afraid that touring somehow made Zeek forget how much love was there? Was his father afraid that Zeek would be angry? What was it? Not that Zeek minded, but he knew something was propelling his father.

As the set back on the bike around the city, after purchasing two new comics, Zeek watches his father. He tries to pull to the surface what the reason for this. The traveling didn’t make Zeek upset. He liked it actually, he liked seeing new places. He liked getting things in the mail from different countries from Luke. He liked seeing his dad happy. He could never be angry about that. Yes it hurt to always feel like his father was so far, but it was days like this when Zeek could join him on the road and steal small moments together that made that distance a little easier to bare.

They return the bike rentals, pulling off helmets. Noor quickly reaches for the bag in Luke’s shoulder to grab the hair brush. One of the few times the girl actually cares about her hair. The walk to the frozen yogurt place is short from here, thankfully.

Zahra flashes her orange nails in line. “Very pretty,” Luke gushes, titling her hand in the light.

“I couldn’t convince Mum out of her color,” Ra laughs with a roll of her eyes.

“There is nothing wrong with the color I choose,” you defend.

“But you always choose it; always the same nude pink with a brown tint.”

Luke pulls you in for a kiss. “It’s a nice color, as always,” he grins, tucking some hair behind your ear. Noor wraps herself around your legs, wanting in on the hug as well. Ra sighs, but smiles. She likes this, her family complete, like it was always meant to be.

Zeek watches on, happy, but still unsure of what his father fears. All gathered onto a bench outside, it doesn’t take long until spoons are scraping the bottom of paper cups. “Should we head back?” you ask.

Luke goes to nod, but Zeek cuts him off. “Can I talk to you, Dad? Go to the park maybe?”

“Of course, bud.” You and the girls head back to the hotel room. Luke remains seated, gazing on at Zeek. “What’s going on?”

Even though the sun is blazing and the beams are blinding him, Zeek stares out in front of him. His face scrunched up and eyes centimeters from closing, he gazes on into the horizon. “I’m stuck with the writing.”

“How can I help?”

“I need to make him more human. And I was just thinking about how you’re so invested in all our hobbies and interests. It’s great, but it made me think, something scares you. Like, more than just the normal parent things. You know? Something happened and it made you really scared.”

Luke hangs his head a little. His boy was always observant, always watching. A small piece of Luke’s hair falls into his face. With a sigh, he lifts his head, Zeek’s gaze zeroed in on him. “I made some mistakes, Zeek. I’m not perfect.”

“No one is.”

With a sad chuckle, Luke nods. “Yeah, that’s true. But I really messed up. I married your Mum twice,” Luke starts. He goes to clarify that the married twice isn’t wholy correct. He married once, divorced and then they got back together. But you weren’t for a second marriage. The legality of it all was pointless to be fair. Besides, Luke knew there was some fear. What if things went to shit a second time? What if there had to be divorce papers again? No one wanted to deal with lawyers, and child support, and dividing assets a second time. So the two of them left it alone the second time.

“What?” the question falls softly from Zeek’s lips, barely enough breathe to get it out. What was his dad talking about? What did he mean married her twice?

“We got married really young and had Zahra. But I wasn’t ready for a kid. I was out drinking, partying. I was never home. Your mother was raising two kids when she should’ve had a husband. We got a divorce. She couldn’t handle it and I wasn’t even mad at her. I went to counseling, still do. It’s not that we stopped loving or having love for each other, but she couldn’t take me back until I got myself together. And I didn’t want to get back together until then. The pictures we have are from the second time. I was ready then.”

Luke looks to Zeek, grabbing his son’s hand. “I make a conscious effort to be so invested because I wasn’t there for nearly a year of Zahra’s as much as I would’ve liked to be. She still remembers what it was like to have me so close, but so far away from her. I have tried to make that up to her. I have tried to fix those scars. Ultimately, there’s not much I can do to reverse what I did. But the future, I can always do better in the future. I can be there for her when she paints her nails and has debates. I can be there for you and your comics. I can be there for Noor when she wants to run lines. I can be right there in the future. I may only be human, but I’m a human with a beautiful wife, three amazing kids, and a big future.”

Zeek slides into Luke, wrapping his arms around his torso. This is what terrifies his father, making the same mistake twice, not learning from his mistakes, from falling back into whatever man he was before. “I love you, Dad.”

Gently rustling the black strands, Luke smiles and kisses the top of Zeek’s hand. “I love you. Dad tries. I’m not perfect, but I try my hardest.”

“I know. I can see it.”

“Still wanna go to the park?”

“No, I got an idea for my comic now.”

Right as Luke calls for dinner, pizza being the order of the day because a debate over food was sure to ensue if the planning kept going on any longer, Zeek rushes out from the bedroom of the suite, tablet in hand. Luke cradles his phone into his ear using his shoulder and takes the drawing tablet. “Okay, thank you,” Luke says concluding the phone call.

Zeek takes the cellphone and ends the call, hovering close by as Luke slides through the panels. It’s a monologue of the character, after coming home from a mission. Most of the panels are black and shadowing, but depicts him removing the superhero costume. “I’m human, not in a physical sense, but in a mental sense. Hearing screams still make my heart jump. I wake up every morning terrified. Terrified of failing, terrified for that one person I can’t save. I am terrified. I am human. I am terrified of becoming human,” reads the last panel.

Luke pauses and look up to his boy, smiling. Tears are still to collect on his lower lashline. “Keep going, Dad.”

A hard sniffle echoes throughout the room and Luke swipes to the left. ‘For Dad--it’s okay to be human.”

Luke slides the tablet to the cushion next to him, before dropping to his knees. Zeek doesn’t resist the hug his father pulls him in for; instead, he wraps his arms tightly around. “Thank you, Zeek,” Luke whispers, rocking the boy’s frame side to side.

___ The radio blasts inside the car. Luke’s settled into the driverseat, the majority of his hair pulled into a bun. Some is left out, hanging in front of his face. You reach out and twirl the loose strands. “Need a haircut, babe.”

Luke fakes on offended sound. “Are you saying that you don’t like it long? That’s not what you said last night.”

“Gross!” Ra shouts from the back seat. Zeek snickers, pulling out his phone. Luke’s laughter fills the car. It’s his last day off and a trip downtown was in order before dropping you guys down at the airport, which was your current destination.

As the heat creeps up your cheeks, Luke turns up the volume on the radio. He reaches out for your knee, giving it a squeeze. “C’mon, we’re how old now? You’re still not blushing are you?” he teases.

Zeek records from the back as his dad’s start singing along. Ra huffs from beside him, attempting to get their dad to stop. “This is a car, Dad. Not your concert,” she laughs as he starts doing a poor shoulder shimmy. Zeek turns to the camera to Noor who’s copying the dance way better. She grins at the camera.

Zeek taps for the selfie mode. “This is it. This is what my family is like. Tickets on sale now.”

Another loud laugh from Luke bounces around in the car. “It’s not that bad is it, Zeek?” he asks, glancing into the rearview mirror.

“No,” he smiles. “It’s not. I just like poking fun.”

Pulled in front of the airport gates, Luke helps unload the bags from the trunk. It’s not a lot, only a three day trip for you all. But still he insists of pulling each of the backpacks out of the trunk. He slides Noor’s bag on and kisses the top of her head, the first to fly out of her seat. “Love you, Daddy! I’ll send pictures of me in my costume!”

“I’ll be looking forward to it, pumpkin. Sorry again, I can’t fly in time for your play.”

“It’s okay. We can record, so I’ll send you that.”

He grins. “I’ll be sure someone films my reactions, so it’ll be like I was right there.”

She kisses his cheek, stepping out of the way. Zahra grabs her backpack from Luke’s hand, kissing his cheek. “Love you. Try not to fall on stage again,” she laughs.

“No promises. Love you.”

Zeek motions for you to go next. So Luke hands over your bags, kissing your lips repeatedly, a series of pecks, dramatically adding the ‘mwah’ sound at the end of each one. It earns a fake gag from Ra. Noor just coos. Finally, is it Zeek’s turn. Luke hands over the gray and black backpack. Zeek unzips it pulling out a stack of paper. Luke takes them, noticing it’s the comic. “I want you to have the first copy. I printed it out at the hotel with Mum’s help.”

The grin is watery, Luke knows by how his lip quivers a little and his vision blurs. His chest squeezes. The first copy, Luke looks back down to his hand. The gray, white and black cover art, the shadow of a man, sitting in the middle of a room, a mess scattered about him of clothes and cigarette buds. Zeek’s art skills are impeccable. But Luke knows what’s on that last page. The last page that reminds him of how okay it is to not be okay sometimes. How okay it is not to be perfect. How okay it is to make mistakes. How okay it is to be human.

“I’m proud of you, bud. You know?” Luke whispers, voice thick with the tears that haven’t quite fallen yet down his cheek.

“I know, Dad.”

“Thank you. I’m humbled to have the first copy.” They share a long embrace. Luke watches the four of you travel through the glass sliding doors. He watches until your shadows disappear from sight. Settled back into the car, Luke flips to the last page again. His phone buzzes with a message from Zeek. It’s the video he took on the drive over. Luke smiles, replying with a question.

After the show, Luke scrolls through his phone, clicking out of the Instagram app to twitter. His mentions are a mess as always but the majority are about the sticker, “It’s okay to be human.”. Luke asked Zeek to send him a digital copy of the last page to him. He then found a printing shop nearby that made stickers. He got one made to go on his guitar of the dedication. One user gushes how sweet the gesture is.

Luke writes a reply. I need a reminder sometimes. And I think others do. I’m proud of my bud.

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