#so deliciously chonky here

[cuprohastes]

The planet of terrible choices

It took Dave a surprisingly long time to ask, “Why are we here”.

“Philosophically you mean?” Asked Phalanges Mitten.

Dave “The Human”, an Adult female Tsin said “Not really.”

Phalanges Mitten, adult Human male — But technically a seven-foot tall dusty purple dinosaur, for tax reasons, squinted a bit at his friend and pursed his lips.

“Well in the long term, to provide an environment for replication, because evolution doesn’t really care why or how as long as you do. Medium term, to make sure the toilets don’t back up and short term, because it’s Delicious Unexplained Crunchy Food Stick day, and we wanted lunch?”

Dave examined his all-species ‘It’s not chicken, but you can eat it’ finger. She dipped it in some Aumu sauce mixed with chives. “I mean, you’re not wrong…” she said. 

Leaving comments open to see where the conversation went was always a fun game.

“But no, I mean the station. We’re orbiting this planet right, because there’s something down there that everyone’s interested in, but not urgently. But I don’t think I ever asked why?” She said, and snarfed down the breaded mycoprotein with a frankly adorable muzzle wiggle.

“Oh.” Said Phalanges. “Well, uh, it’s of special scientific… uh. Actually, that’s a good point.”

And at this point, let’s introduce Cat Fantastic: Cat is an actual Atrix, but currently they’re about the size of a chonky iguana. Cat’s issue is that he doesn’t have a patch of chromophores on his forehead, which is the very important non-verbal part of Atrix communication.

Frankly, not having the patch trips some really severe ‘uncanny valley’ responses, and the Atrix just got over their tendency to stamp on hatchlings who are missing their display patch.

Due to Phalanges (Prior name: Dave the Human, which an astute reader would also notice is the name the Tsin is using) hanging out in the Atrix section, someone arranged for Cat to team up with Phalanges. Who and how is currently a mystery, but now Phalanges has his own ‘Little Guy’.

Which is to say, they’re hanging out together and Cat is learning the fascinating subject of fixing the station’s sewerage and reclamation system, and officially they’re a team.

Cat in this instance peeks over the edge of the table from where he’s sitting on one of the chairs munching his own lunch and says “Graaaaaaak”.

Phalanges and Dave look at him with surprise. “Really? Well, I’m glad someone looked it up.” Says Dave. “Go on then…”

A tale of cultural incompetence.

So the way Cat Fantastic tells it is like this:

At some point in the history of the planet, the inhabitants had developed nations and a couple of religions.

One in particular did very well due to the leaves of a specific type of tree: It had very broad smooth leaves which were naturally coated with an antifungal, anti-biotic wax. Which made them ideal for washing down and using as plates, or for wrapping food. Or, indeed, boiling off and making an effective topical medicine.

This gave the nation a bit of a boost. They didn’t get sick as much from spoiled food, their first aid was a bit more effective, and so on. And so over time, the practice of using leaves from plate trees led to two important results:

First, there were more people, so more plate trees were cultivated to produce more leaves.

Second, the people developed a whole set of traditions, and beliefs which codified into a religion, who’s main theme was that the people were so good and perfect that the gods had gifted them with paper plates. 

And anyone who didn’t use them, like those icky guys over by the coast, who insisted on using wood bowls smeared with leftovers, were extremely gross and obviously not in favour with the gods due to being somehow inferior.

OK, so the obvious solution is to grow more trees, clear out all this useless vegetation and only keep plants which you can eat.

And thus agriculture was born, followed shortly by the coast people being forcibly converted into leaf plate using or mysteriously all setting fire to their own huts and vanishing, what a mystery.

You should definitely not look into what’s being used as fertiliser for the plate trees.

Anyway. This nation, very pleased with their righteousness, took their brilliant way of life and slowly nibbled away at their neighbours, most of whom were still hunter-gatherers.

All was great, hail the plate tree.

And then because they’d planted a vast monoculture, and cleared out anything that wasn’t food or plate trees, they caused a massive environmental collapse. 

Due to the insistence of e.g. introducing a fast-growing, water hungry plant to a biome that couldn’t really support it they caused desertification.

They wiped out many ‘pest’ species and flora that was pretty important to the smooth running of the ecosphere, causing further collapse.

“Ah.” Said Dave. “Yes, I can see where this is going.” She added and nodded to the planet, which was not a healthy colour.

“Speaking from experience, turning your planet to dust is a real embuggerance.”

Phalanges nodded sympathetically. The Tsin had discovered space robotic space flight and, within thirty years, developed orbital bombardment. Then someone had determined that those guys over there needed to be taught a lesson.

And that’s how the Tsin spent the last half millennium living in bunkers and trying to restore a working biosphere from whatever their ancestors had managed to preserve.

It’s also the reason the Tsin are having an issue with genetic bottlenecks.

Phalanges nodded in agreement. Humans had done a number on their biosphere, but the remediation had been more or less working, albeit slowly and fitfully when the Wallandernook showed up and sold them a janky old spacefolder, and it’s hyperefficient energy conversion engine.

“So they, what, tried to outrun their environmental collapse by invading more land?”

“Graaak”

“Ha, called it…”

The People had indeed pushed further to plant more plate trees and acquire more Prisoners-With-Jobs to look after the farms, temples and so on.

By the late stages they’d even begun to realise that the leaves were the issue and that one could make replacements out of pressed fibre, or eventually, basic plastics.

Which of course were both problematic in themselves, and also deeply heretical to traditionalists.

And now, the planet was a nutrient poor world with a massive monoculture, slowly speciating from the original plate trees, with massive deserts and dessicated plantations, and a crumbled array of civilisations.

The cities and towns abandoned by the people who’d slowly gone back to hunting and gathering and slowly fading away.

And above it all, a station filled with people from other worlds who’d banded together to discover what history was left, and document it.

“Wow.” Said Phalanges, lunch long since finished. “Sounds exactly like the sort of thing Humans would do.”

“And Tsin” said Dave.

“Graak.” Said Cat.

“OK, but Atrix are different.” Said Dave. “Everyone knows you guys don’t use plates.”

[ineffable-rohese]

[If you are so inclined, no pressure.] List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers!

Thanks @tangerine-ginger!

Spring! It's just so gorgeous here, right now. April and May are the absolute best months. I got to go out in a cute dress today, and the birds are singing, and it's not 30 degrees (in either F or C), and there are flowers everywhere...

My ridiculous cats. I have one extremely social slonky noodle void and one extremely anxious chonky creamsicle and the love each other very much.

Vegetables. I know. But they are colorful and delicious (when prepared properly) and add texture to foods (CRONCH). And I feel so much better when I remember those facts and make the effort to eat them.

Dancing and drumming around a fire. I have an elk-skin frame drum I made, and she'd been hanging on the wall since fall, but I'll get to break her out in a few weeks.

Consensual violence. Seriously, few things bring me glee like fighting my friends (martial arts style) or beating people who want to be beaten (kink style).

[patriciavetinari]

It's Mushroom time!

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

This is a very basic recipe for mushrooms, onions cooked with sour cream or craîme fraiche, it can be eaten on its own or paired with potatoes, pasta, toast, other vegetables, or to make it even more Eastern European, buckwheat. If you don't like your food to have a lot of mushrooms or a LOT of onion - this post is not going to go well for you, also you're wrong.

Let's go over the ingredience. I will be using metric because fight me that's why. Cups don't make any bloody sense.

Here I have:

- 300 grams of mushrooms. As far as I know, any edible mushroom will work for this, although I haven't tried it with shiitake or portobello. Also, frozen mushrooms absolutely work as well, saving you spoons in cooking process.

- 1 medium-large onion. Where I am you can also get onion pre-chopped and frozen, saving yet another spoon. If you get frozen mushrooms, frozen onion, and sour creme or craime fraiche, this recipe will take barely any time.

- 1 chonky leek. THIS IS OPTIONAL. In fact, my father would have said this is unorthodox and messes up the proportions. The thing is, I love leek and I don't care if my dish has more texture and flavor profile. If you want to try more traditional version, skip the leek. If you want to use leek, you might also want to double the amount of mushrooms, but that will require a larger pan which I don't have. Or you can keep the amount of mushrooms and use half an onion and half a leek respectively. Do what you want with your life.

- 200 grams of sour cream or craime fraiche. Now, I know those things are different, but especially for this recipe they both work well and I'm aware of limited availability of sour cream in areas where people don't eat as many pierogi or pelmeni. Keep an eye on the fat content, craime fraiche usually has a higher one unless you're using a Light option. Any fat content in the 20-40% range is fine, it will affect how liquid will the dish become on addition of this. If you're pairing it with pasta you might want it a BIT more liquid. I personally have 40% fat content craime fraiche here because I like to live deliciously. I have not tried it with any vegan alternative, but any vegan product meant to substitute craime fraiche which also doesn't split on heating should work.

- Butter or oil to heat up in the pan. Both are fine, I have 20 grams of butter here.

- NOT PICTURED because I forgor: salt, pepper, garlic (I used 3 cloves).

- Tools you will need: 1 pan, deep and wide, chopping board, knife, spoon for the sour cream, spatula or wooden sooon for mixing everything in the pan. Stovetop or burner.

Step 1: clean and chop everything choppable (mushrooms and onion and leek if using).

The size of the bits doesn't matter much, you will be simmering mushrooms the longest, so even large bits will get cooked through. The bigger you leave the pieces, the more mushroom flavor you will get per bite. I personally like to freestyle and end up with some bits bigger and others smaller and that's fine. Onions you might want on the smaller side.

STEP 2: Heat the butter or oil in the pan, add garlic at this step to fill your house with great smell.

The heat should be on high or medium-high, depending on your stove and pan. Once the butter/oil is heated and starts making sounds, you're ready to go.

STEP 3: mushrooms go in first. Onions are more sensitive and at more risk to be burned, and mushrooms need to be cooked down in volume, so they go in first.

Keep the heat on high, give the mushrooms a little exercise, move them around. Let them start getting nice and tanned and reduce in volume.

STEP 4. Onion (and leek) goes in. Make mushroom circle in your pan as if you were sacrificing your onions to the fae. In they go.

NB! My proportions will look fucked up because I'm using both a leek and an onion. If you're using only 1 onion per 300 grams of mushrooms, the mushrooms should prevail still.

Move around the onions inside the well to get them to golden, this will happen quickly, so the mushrooms shouldn't get time to burn, add a bit more oil if needed. Once onion has become slightly golden, mix everything together and drop the heat to medium before getting the sour cream.

STEP 5. Sour cream joins the party.

Just plop entirety of her in. Mix everything together. This is the moment where sour cream fat content will come to play: the less fat content, the more liquid the dish will be at this stage. If you want to pair it with pasta or buckwheat, you might want it a bit more liquid, so add those (cooked!!) now if using. I'm not, so I am going to simmer it a little bit on medium heat while I add salt and pepper to taste. I personally prefer less salt, more pepper (ground, black).

It might not look like anything fancy, but if you like mushrooms, it's the best excuse to consume 300 grams of them.

You're basically done.

STEP 6. Stop yourself from eating the entire thing directly from the the pan and serve. I'm piling about half of that over some steamed potatoes.

I have no clue how it freezes or how long it keeps. This pan was gone same day. I would eat that concoction literally until I'm sick. It took all of my willpower to divide tha panful between lunch and dinner.

You can eat this straight up, honestly, there are no rules, but here are some other good pairings:

- Toast. Just put it on wholewheat or sourdough toast. Or even put it on a rice cake.

- Pasta. I recommend wholewheat fussili.

- Boiled, steamed, roast or fried potatoes. Classic.

- Buckwheat, boiled. Classic, if you know where to get some toasted buckwheat (a quest here where I am).

Also, as you can see, the basic recipe is very, well, basic. Experiment with spices, herbs (I recomment rosemary, add it at butter melting step), add heat. You can add ham if you want extra protein. The only thing guaranteed to make this recipe better is if the mushrooms were lovingly foraged by yourself or a loved one.

If you make this, let me know how it is please!

[khihi]

As a french person who read les misérables at school but has never watched the movie/musical, I'm quite curious about what has attracted many (foreign) people to it. Feel free to rant and share your thoughts, I'm genuinely curious

OH GOD OKAY LOOK HERE'S THE THING FIRST OF ALL the musical is absolutely incredible. I'm a musicals fan in general but les mis is something else. It will make you cry and laugh and somehow it will also make you proud to be French even when you're not French.

Long rant/fucking essay under cut so I'm not bombarding everyone who doesn't care about musicals or dead French dudes

I wish everyone could watch a live performance of it as their first experience of les mis because I feel like most people only see either the movie or the 25th anniversary concert. And while I adore the 25th anniversary concert and I'm a Les Mis 2012 Movie Defender 4 lyfe, I think both of those won't anchor you into enjoying les mis quite as much as an actual, professional live performance of the show will (bc the anniversary is mostly just standing and singing and the movie is.. flawed).

Also I imagine your first experience of it being the brick probably would not help you see why foreigners love this story so much because that thing is CHONKY and I've absolutely not read all of it - I've literally only read bits of it that include my faves. Sorry Hugo but I'm not here to read your rant about Paris' sewage system, I'm here to read about Grantaire bullying Enjolras and laugh at Marius for crying against a tree for hours xx

Les Amis de l'ABC are the main attraction for me and I think a lot of les mis fans tbh. Their friendships combined with their doomed narrative is just the absolute best and worst, emotionally speaking thing. Just the fact they believe so strongly in wanting to change the world that they're prepared to fight and die for it but they're also just a bunch of super young guys who drink and laugh together makes my heart hurt. They're martyrs to a hopeless cause but they're so human.

It makes you want to see them happy and victorious (I know there are a lot of mundane college kids les amis fics out there where they're "all happy and nothing hurts" because of this) but also that doomed narrative is so delicious every single time (which is why me and other les mis fans come crawling back to rewatch the musical whenever we're presented with the opportunity).

And DO NOT get me started on ExR. Grantaire and Enjolras are THE most angsty ship in the world, they make me ill. Grantaire is so in love with Enjolras even though his depression makes him a lot more aware of just how fucked they all are in this revolution, he's like a moth to a flame. Also the guy who played Grantaire in the 2012 movie shipped ExR. George Blagden if you can hear me right now I owe you my life and I hate them for cutting your Drink With Me solo.

Also the female characters in les mis are SO FUCKING GOOD HOLY SHIT like yes Cosette and Eponine are both madly stupidly in love with Marius "Just Some Guy" Pontmercy but to me it always felt like Marius was their love interest rather than the other way around. He's the chain that links Valjean to the revolution and back to the Thénardiers, but Eponine and Cosette are both so much more interesting to me personally than him.

AND FANTINE?? Fantine who had her life torn to shreds and does everything in her power (of which she has NONE) to protect her little girl and is punished, like fucking everyone in the story, for being a good person?? but who is always shown to be a sympathetic character?? written in a time when women were possessions and prostitutes were seen as scum of the earth?? Once again it's emotionally catastrophic, but it's beautiful. I for one enjoy when stories reach into my chest and squeeze my heart to pulp.

ALSO I'm such a sucker for motifs and symbology and themes and all of that Good Literature Shit, which les mis has in buckets, so there's also that.

so yeah

tl;dr the characters are my babies, i love a masterfully crafted story, and the music makes me feel shrimp emotions. PLEASE SEE THE MUSICAL.

thank you for letting me infodump this fine sunday afternoon <3

[silvermuffins]

Pokemon Scarlet Liveblog!!! Part 2

Because Tumblr started struggling and yelling at me so we get another part already. Whoopdedoo.

A'ight we're about to head up the hill to school.

Found Sunkern, this will be Bob.

OH YEAH I NEED POKEBALLS we'll go back to town rq. gets like thirty bc im a catching fiend today

FOU PICHU you will be Glimmer. Oh what are you? You're weird! Shroodle??? Fuck I killed it. Skwovet, you're chonky, Chonkster. Bonsly, you'll be Brahti. Found another Shroodle! You can be...Chomper.

At the rate I'm going Daya will evolve before I ever make it to school.

Bounsweet! Milady! Oricorio! Chiyas! Chiyas if it will stay in the ball! There's a Pachirisu, you'll be Maestro.

WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT THING WHAT IS THAT. IT'S PURPLE? IS THAT A SWORD IS THAT EXCALIBUR WHAT IS IT DOING IN SPAIN?

I can't get to it :c

One of these days I will get to the school. I have been playing for hours.

Some friends have told me a little more about what's coming than I actually wanted to know but it's whatever. We continue to get distracted.

oh yeah Daya evolved before I got to school. Wait....that pose/////THIS DUCK IS A BALLERINA I KNOW A PLIE WHEN I SEE ONE even if i don't know how to spell one

i am perhaps a tad overpowered for this area

oh i got access to mystery gift TIME TO GET MY BACKPACK. oh that's a fancy present. Oh, and Havva evolved so into the box it goes, out comes Pinkle for type coverage. And maybe evolutions.

Okay it's finally time to go to school but Nemona wants to battle first....and she has TWO WHOLE POKEMON this time

Nemona I have like thirty

Nemona you're half my level

Nemona you have type disadvantages-

Oh! Terastalization makes its appearance! ....And, that sure is a lightbulb. And you're still weak to me.

God Nemona is such an airhead for ANYTHING outside of battling. It's starting to be endearing. Nemona why are you giving me revives you need those? You're the one with fainted pokemon.

I FINALLY ARRIVE IN MESAGOZA.

i absolutely want to see the food first are you kidding me

Map says there's a Scatterbug....in the middle of the water? RIP Scatterbug.

Finally found a mention of the bigass crater, which is called the Great Crater, which makes sense.

i am wanderiiiiing just, spending forever exploring this city

where did I get these other clothes?

why is all of the food arted so deliciously. i got a phone case. i found places with ice cream, churros, crepes, cafe, ooh sandwich store. ooh, fruit shop. Ah, here's a pharmacy. Another sandwich shop...? Deli. Another restaurant.

That's maybe HALF the city? I'm a bit lost. It's so big!!!

THERE ARE BRIDGES ACROSS ROOFTOPS?

oh god im lost im lost i am LOST

nother cafe oh snap i stumbled right into a cutscene

PENNY

you tell 'em Penny!!!

who the fuck is team star

wham wham wham

Nemona is accusing me of cheating on her

I got the Tera orb! nice. nemona who did you bribe/seduce/put a mafia hit out on to get this for me?

HASTA LA VISTAR this is the new plasbad

Cafe again. Lost again. Got unlost. Different restaurant. ingredient shop. Another sandwich shop. nother cafe. fruit shop. deli. item store. another ingredient store. i have no more money. deli. item store. restaurant. man who can feel the power of the earth by laying on it, sir are you okay? child who likes being inside his bronzong...nother cafe. ice cream cart. vending machine. sandwich store. cafe. seafood restaurant. restaurant. restaurant. ingredient shop? is this a new one or one i found earlier? restaurant.

finally exploring the middle chunk of town.

WHAT what is this about past lives?! I AM GETTING PHONE CASES.

seafood shop x3! restaurant x2! kebab stand x2! crepe stand x2! pharmacy! accessory store! cafe! shoe shop! socks!!! eyewear!!!! hats!!! why do these stores all need to be different places? cafe x2, picnic accessory store, bags, hairdresser. ice cream cart x2

i think i hit everythign? i don't know for sure. there is so much city.

whines at how big the school is too....there is SO much to explore. once again Nemona can only think about battling.

also jfc that looks like some kind of touchscreen instead of a blackboard??? oh i am being interviewed. oh suddenly i need to have a dream.

why are these my only options??? they're GOOD but they're not CORRECT, you feel me? oh, now i get to explore theschool. oh that is not how i expected this to work, that's a little disappointing. what kind of school lets a student just waltz into the staff lounge? La Primera....oh OH she's gonna be the FIRST champion rank. Such hair.

nemona cannot think of anything but battles ever and WILL shanghai me into doing it too. i like nemona but man she's kinda overbearing.

found Arven in the cafeteria and so far he seems a little nicer? maybe he really was just hungry. ...Yeah he's a LOT nicer. Still a little not-nice, though, but like yeah Fani IS a little maniac.

HIS PHONE CASE THO

oh shit my smartphone's been hacked!!! Cassiopeia? That name Always means shit's gonna go down. Well if THAT wasn't mysterious as shit...

Once again I do not think I trust Clavell completely...and now I am called to the Director's Office.... he can wait while I do me some learns. Oh snap classes progress how many are there?

fuck you plot i am EXPLORING. Penny is in STEM....the school was established 805 years ago?! Team Star was a big problem but only a while ago... Pages containing recent graduates have been ripped out....some clear indications of Gym Leaders, and clues to the Scarlet Book stuff.... Sada's the only one with a Hall of Fame badge???

i have Much Sus

also jfc Team Star having recruitment quotas to meet sounds like my (admittedly probably flawed) understanding of multilevel marketing schemes

oh shit that's Sada. Oh snap my theories were right, Area Zero is in the Great Crater. I bet we ARE dealing with a Lost Continent plot here! ...how do you know about Koraidon. Like, obviously, you KNOW, bc your son was involved with Koraidon, but like....how do you know I have him. if arven didn't tell you, which it doesn't seem like he did. howmst.

also i am absolutely taking care of koraidon you can't have him back

the adults are up to something

OH YES TAKE ME TO THE DORM. Oh man they give me a kitchenette? This is a lot of trust you're putting in a like...twelve year old girl. I think I'm like twelve? oh snap thats a timeskip

time to ACTUALLY start the game. Nemona barging into myroom again....nemona can you, maybe,,,,cool your jets,,,,, TREASURE HUNT BEGIN

but i kind of want to go back inside and attend classes. it's not IC but I want to befriend the teachers. Nemona please stop deciding what I'm going to do for me, I plan to run off into the wilderness, never to be seen again.

oh. i see. everyone is competing to be my best friend. and Koraidon and Fani are both very food motivated.

And now it just.....opens up. I feel like I'm gonna let both Nemona and Arven agonize over where I'm going for a bit, i'm going back to class. oh man there's mass outbreaks in this game too?

oh snap i have been asked about food sir i have never made a sandwich in my life mommy didnt let me use the kitchen

anyway, classes. classes classes classes. explooooring.

man i love the details. Like the art room's special sink at the back of the classroom, or Raifort's accessories all depicting different legendaries.

I CAN BEFRIEND MY TEACHERS? brb becoming teacher's pet. oh my god do i have to help clavell speak slang....okay i had to look that one up

obviously the day/night cycle has begun but i cannot for the life of me figure out how it.....works....

anyway im supr tired and have work tomorrow so i guess that's it for now!

[janedoe-ing]

here's a place about good memories.

write about it.

me and my big family going to a vacation at this one big house where there's like two swimming pools and a sauna tub, and everyone were like enjoying ourselves, we had karaoke at night, the kids are swimming 24/7 and were hungry like piranhas, my mom and my aunts and wan cooking dishes most of the time as well bcs we are very RAMAI and my uncles doing the bbq and my atuk just simply taking our pics as we do our diving and back flips in the swimming pool, totally a worthy memory.

me and walid racing home from kedai tomyam bc we want to watch our favourite tv3 drama only bcs the nickname of the hero in the show has a funny nickname.

going to lost world of tambun w fir, just two kids enjoying their depressive phase of their lives.

ijo's staycation @ the pinnacle!! the house was amazing, we literally went out the whole day for the second day to the point mong vomited, diy-ed literally the microwave on how to cook the nuggets and fries, us being chaotic preparing to go out and the atmosphere of getting ready (chefs kiss)

me, syiffa, amirah, dayana going out to mahbub and did a shit ton of embarassing things together

my mom cooking the food im craving every time i asked for it

umi's lempeng kosong, three ingredients and POW the best food ever

that one night walid, umi and all my siblings were watching tv and aim said that a goat in the iklan was a dog and pupa correcting him saying its a cat (dumbasses)

every time of each of my siblings rolling up, walking, talking, basically every point of their milestones

HOLDING CHONKY BABIES

smoky accompanying me to the kitchen at night, every single time.

that one time of my birthday walid and umi got me a painting stand with watercolours and stuff, i used to love doing art as a kid.

going bowling w mama and abah and kak atin and abang ipan and abang boboy

kak atin making me roti telur that tasted so yummy bcs the egg is only coated at the outside and the inside is still white bread, i cooked french toast only in this way since then

staycation ijo and we burned the nugget using a microwave (a talent i tell u)

me reading and switching books with atin arifah after pt3 and we got to read a lot of books that i actually enjoy reading (damn i miss enjoying to read)

us eating kfc that frau bought during a night class for deutsch, since we were desperate for outside food, kfc although so mid but then it became super delicious when it got to us like we are STARVING

that one time we had an impromptu sleepover at auni's with dayana, apat, and amirah and we made kek batik and skipped few classes the next day and went back home late the night before after going to pasar seni to mytown to auni's house #corememory

amirah buying her barbie ultra soft bristles toothbrush for herself and dense ones for us (sumpah kelakar weh ni)

rode a motorcycle w najat and fadhli @ dataran merdeka

sdtp jamming in the midst of chaos before justech's induction day

that moment when we made those chaotic tiktoks for fun and suddenly became the witness to an accident

lepak-ing at ukm with jibby rapeh and fakhri till 11 pm

berbuka ramai ramai with most of JAPP members and k4!

those two days of pantun undang undang competition where i accompanied hasya to meet her crush HAHA

mycc comp. periodt. chaotic.

the day we went out to get stuffs for justech induction day and istg t was so chaotic

every sleepovers we had at auni's house, even if it's for one night

life update presentations with ijo during staycation

jamming sessions in hasya's car with sdtp

when i went to watch tbosas with anis qees and fadhli, and it went from a cinema date to eating at two diff restaurants to discussing our moot problems to window shopping at vincci to sungei wang to change qees' lenses to random one hour karaoke session with them

sleepovers at anis and qees'

texas chicken runs on almost every tuesday at jaya mall!

post moot bukit bintang visit and ofc the complimentary karaoke session with fadhli anis and qees

that time when i teman hasya to watch her crush in a pantun comp at ukm for two days straight

walid remembering this silly goofy song i made when i was a kid that i could no longer remember but he remembers it. something about animals, but obviously i don't remember it anymore.

staycation with mtps!! [we went for swimming, do a secret santa, we cooked, watched dabbe, ate a TUB of ice cream in a day and take bomb ass selfies tgt, karaoke-ing for 3 hours]

me and hasya going to jaya one to debrief about that night i went to the iftar with that mf

sdtp going to this cafe post finals and we became teary and missing each other when it's not even one day yet from our holidays

iftar with japp when we went to trx and had naknak at the city park and made cute tiktoks and took some bomb ass selfies

sleepover 5.0 with anak syurga and we went to eat mokkys, surprised auni, made a goofy mini prank on apat, went to the gym, devoured mytown klcc and kl east mall...

went to ukm to visit jibby n rapeh pre their last paper for sem 4 finals and we went out till night and i drove the whole day (mostly)

aryan wanting to go with me and berkepit with me and literally CRYING to go with me time nak balik from ipoh i think (during pokde tunang and merisik)

tbc

[lansdellicious]

Burger Battle 2023, Round 7 - Bivver

It's an unusual name for a restaurant, especially one in a hotel, but Bivver has had a couple of very ambitious entries in this contest in the past. Maybe they'll play it safe this year?

Or maybe they'll just throw caution to the wind and go hard. This is the Ti-burger, and it is chonky. Pork and beef chorizo patty, lime creama, lettuce, crispy nacho chips, guacamole, pickled cantaloupe pico de gallo, crispy jalapeno, aged cheddar and goat cheese crumble on a pretzel bun. Served with double cooked cracked black pepper truffle fries. It even reads like a mouthful.

Pretzel buns are generally the best choice when you have a lot of soggy ingredients to contain. Long-time readers of my reviews will know the important of burgerial structural integrity (a term coined by my dear friend Katie) to my rankings process. There's no doubt it had its work cut out for it here as this burger is just oozing everywhere.

Sadly, it did not succeed. I defy anyone to keep this burger together. As delicious as the pico was (pickled cantaloupe is something I have really enjoyed in my homemade hot sauces too), and as great as the concept is, the whole thing is in dire need of editing. Crema and pico de gallo and guacamole is just too much, and two different cheeses was similarly excessive. Honestly just removing the guac would likely have left you with a delicious burger that was not impossible to hold together. Serve it on the side if you must. It was, I am told, a very good guacamole (I am not usually a fan).

The profligate usage of sauces here rendered the nachos almost soggy. The burger really needed crunch, and the jalapeños didn't quite provide it. It's a real shame that the gooeyness of everything on here conspired to overwhelm because there's just so much potential.

[lihikainanea]

That image of Bill in the tiny swim trunks on the pool float with the straw hat and booze…vacation Bill vibes! What does Tiger think?

I mean, we all know how much I love this concept of Bill, with his RayBans on, his long legs splayed off the edge of a giant inflatable swan as it floats out to sea.

But also, forgive me for a moment here sweet nani but my mind drifted (no pun intended) to something else--I promise I'll keep it vacation Bill related.

We talk often about how tiger can definitely struggle with how she looks. She can sometimes get real down on herself, she's very self conscious about her stretch marks or just in general her...lack of celebrity looks. Especially when she compares herself to Bill, and the women in his world. Tiger can really dig herself into a hole of self-loathing.

But what if--ohhh god this is delicious--what if Bill is the one struggling a bit with how he looks, these days?

Hear me out.

Bill is definitely not a chonky boy, but his weight does seem to fluctuate a lot--he goes from rather gaunt-like thin, to having a bit more of a dad bod. That photo from Clark on the boat in the rain is just glorious--you see his soft handles at his hips, a bit of a pooch in front. He's got a bit of a soft, paunchy belly that's a little more to hold onto than usual.

And what if he's noticing, and he's feeling a little self-conscious about it all? Maybe some of the tabloids are commenting, and the brothers are being thrust into the spotlight together a bit more than usual because Alex has that big Northman movie coming out, and Bill has his big Netflix series. Stellan is even riding the wave after Dune. The entertainment industry suddenly has Skarsgard fever and everywhere they look, seemingly every magazine cover is talking about the Swedish dynasty and plastering photos all over.

And the problem is, Alex gained 20lbs of muscle for his role in the Northman. And while Alex is one of the more muscular of the brothers anyway, that's certainly not the way he normally looks. But every single magazine cover is plastering them side by side-- Alex, screaming and covered in dirt, every muscle rippling in a still of the Northman--and Bill, a candid, walking around New York City, a little paunchy belly showing in his tight shirt, sipping an iced coffee with extra whipped cream.

And it's making him a little self-conscious.

He knows what his brother went through to get like that. They had frequent late night calls where Bill would hand the phone to tiger and Alex would make her detail every single thing she ate that day, in the greatest of detail--and Alex would be drooling on the other end. He'd send screenshots in the family chat of him working out basically every second of the day, hating his life. Alex didn't put a single thing in his mouth that wasn't chicken, broccoli or brown rice for 6 months. His cheat meal once a month was salmon, instead of chicken.

Bill knows his brother doesn't naturally look like the chiseled god he transformed into for the movie, but everyone else is sure acting like he does.

And then there's Bill, who's naturally skinny but who has maybe gotten a bit of a dad bod in recent months after some well deserved time off. He was never one for the gym anyway, but now that he's in his thirties his metabolism is slowing down a bit and he's not quite the lithe, stick figure he always was.

And listen, tiger loves it. She loves the soft handful she can now grab at his hip. She loves that he has the tiniest, every so small protrusion of a belly that sticks out from tight shirts or over the top of his belt.

But he's self-conscious of it. And every time tiger tries to grab a little handful or rub it--or in general really anytime she passes her hand over his midsection--he flinches, gets uncomfortable, moves away. Tiger notices that on vacation he's wearing his shirt a lot more which is weird because Bill would basically walk around naked all the time if he could. But on the beach he keeps it on, shrugs when she pulls at it and just says he doesn't want to get a sunburn. He wears a t-shirt to bed which is like, devastating because his warm chest and the smell of soap when she nuzzles his skin there is her favourite thing in the world.

And Bill is pretty sensitive about it all, and tiger isn't used to seeing him be anything but confident and self-assured so it takes a bit of time before she's actually able to get it out of him. But she draws the line one morning at an ungodly hour on vacation, when Bill has the audacity to leave the bed and try and go out for a run. Tiger sits up, makes an incredulous noise, and then wrangles him back into bed like she's an octopus and he's a drowning alligator.

"God what the fuck," he shrieks, "How many fucking arms do you have?!"

He shrieks when he feels teeth dig into his peachy backside.

"Stop you beast," he swats at her. But she wins, pins him down, then just lies on his chest and pulls the blankets back over her.

"We're going to talk about this," she mumbles, "But at a more pleasant hour."

"Talk about what," he grumbles.

"About why you do this," tiger reaches a hand down to palm at his tummy and he flinches, grabs her wrist quickly and moves it. He sighs heavily.

"Go to sleep," he says gruffly. She does. And then she picks her moments.

Maybe it’s muuuuch later on, quite late that night actually, as the both of them are in their private pool on the balcony. Tiger was the one to throw off her swimsuit first, and after much more convincing than is usually necessary--she finally got Bill to ditch his shirt and swim trunks. She wraps her legs around his waist as he floats on his back, paddling slowly.

“What’s up with you?” she asks gently.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” she says with a soft kiss, “You’re not yourself.”

“What’s myself?” he bristles, “An eight-pack yielding, chiseled demi god that looks like he can bench press an elephant? Because wrong brother, kid.”

“Okay wow,” she says, and she can’t even hide the surprise, “Yeah, see, that right there. What is that?”

“Nothing,” he dismisses.

“Billy come on,” she coaxes with a kiss to his nose, “Talk to me.”

He sighs heavily, and pushes her off of him.

“Everybody is acting like he looks like that naturally,” he huffs, “And meanwhile, they’re all publishing photos of me sucking down an 8000-calorie coffee with a big buddha belly.”

He slaps his gut at the last word.

“Bill, nobody looks like that naturally. Especially not Alex. I’ve seen Alex chug an entire 12-pack of beer in the time it takes me to drink one,” she says.

“I know that,” he snaps, “You know that. But the contrast is still rather fucking apparent.”

He goes silent and she lets it hang there for a second, and sure enough after a brief pause, he sighs.

“I’m not in my twenties anymore,” he says, “I’m not as thin as I was. And I feel like it’s showing everywhere. I never used to have this,” another grab at his belly, “Or...or these. What the hell are these?”

He grabs at his hips, and the ever so tiny soft palmfuls he can feel there.

“Okay first of all,” tiger says as she wades back over to him, “Bill, you were on drugs in your 20s. Lots of them. Nobody is as thin as they were in their 20s and nobody is supposed to be.”

“Second of all, quite frankly--I find it hot as hell. It’s straight up fire bud, it gets me going,” she tells him, “You got something to hold onto. And I happen to love holding onto it.”

“Tiger,” he whines.

“No fuck you,” she cuts him off, “I mean it. You were a rake, pal. You looked like Slenderman. Now you have...you have girth. You’re wide as a fucking doorframe. You filled out and it’s glorious.”

He huffs, embarrassed. She doesn’t let up.

“I would have been terrified to climb on top of you in your early 20s for fear I’d snap you like a fucking twig. And now I ride you like a fucking stallion and you slap my ass and ask me if that’s all I’ve got.”

He fidgets awkwardly, his eyes flitting to hers, but tiger can see the small hint of a smile tilt his lips up.

“I don’t have a dad bod?” he asks lowly.

“Of course you do, and it’s fucking hot as sin,” she says, “Now you’re a whole ass daddy. I love it bud, I really, really fucking do.”

“I don’t feel like you do,” he says cheekily, and he wades away from her. “I don’t know, doesn’t seem very heartfelt.”

Tiger knows what he wants. And if he wants her to make him feel good, oh hell, she’s all in. She swims to the edge of the pool.

“Give me 10 minutes and then come in,” she says, “If your dumb skinny ass doesn’t believe me, then I’ll show you.”

She steps out of the pool and Bill grins.

“Watch your fuckin’ mouth kid,” he warns dangerously. Tiger just turns, her whole body illuminated in the moonlight.

“Fucking make me,” she challenges.

[ssreeder]

heads up this one is a Chonky bOi:

ohmygod you UPDATED, you’re so lovely and so is your writing even though it makes me want to Scream (out of happiness and/or rage, it’s a mixed bag)

you do indeed make the The Most delicious cocktail, how could you ever doubt that??? also I got my own leekie tag :’) someone pls explain to me why that makes me emotional lmfao

noooo why do you always DO this sreedieeee “sokka was worried about jet finding out about who zuko really was” YOU BETTER FUCKING BE AFRAID ITS TOO DAMN LATE

“back to his rightful position as sifu hotpants” see this is the lightheartedness we need to see more of bc YOU KEEP TORTURING THE BOYS WITH NO RESPITE

also I may have forgotten that this plot point existed at all so it was a pleasant surprise

fuck you we’re back with another episode of Angst With Zuko, the most canon compliant aspect in this entire fic

lmao leave it to sokka to feel guilty about almost dying (like I Get it but also it’s the kind of situation where you have to laugh at the ridiculousness or else you’ll cry, and there’s already too much to cry about in this fic bestie)

YAY TINGLY LOVE FEELINGS our boys deserve good things <3

sreedie. I swear to fuckery if zuko is going to run away… I don’t have an adequate threat at the moment but I’m gonna be So Pissed my dude

lmfao not sokka’s ongoing shitty spirit luck-

but also >:(( about the letters LIKE THAT WAS SUCH A SMART PLOT POINT BY YOU AND I LOVE THAT YOURE A GENIUS but seriously Fuck this plot point

okay ik that “the big fire bender” is just a way to describe shen’s stature, but it makes me think of zuko being “the little fite bender” and idk the mental image of the big and little fire benders reminds me of a picture book my mum used to read to me where there was Big Mouse and Little Mouse and Little Mouse wouldn’t stfu and go to sleep bc Big Mouse was snoring too loud but the when Big Mouse put a peg on his nose to stop snoring then Little Mouse STILL couldn’t sleep bc he missed the reminder that Big Mouse was there to protect him from the scary things hiding in the dark and idk it’s cute (I’m pretty sure the book is called night noises??)

FUCK YEAH HAIR CUTTING LORE IM ABSOLUTELY THRIVING RN YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND IM SUCH A SLUT FOR CULTURAL DIFFERENCES BEING EXPLAINED (also the way that zuko simply did not inform sokka of any of these implications I cannot with this boy)

smh hakoda pls accept that your son is gay, shen literally just told you they’re metaphorically fucking in public

nooOooOoOo sad bato hours :(((

also not to go off on a tangent, but I’m going to do exactly that actually. anyways. just the whole “kya would know what to do” shtick got me thinking, it’s interesting for characters to make assumptions about how things would be easier/different if another character is around but that wouldn’t necessarily actually be the case and it’s just them projecting onto their loved one the feeling of safety and dependency onto them so it can act as a source of comfort of sorts?? idk if that’s a coherent thought but it’s out in the world now

hakodaaaaaaaa jet hAS ALREADY FUCKING DONE SOMETHING STUPID I hate this I hate it I hate it I hate it why do I love your story so much I hate this

hakoda… there is No fucking way you’re gonna leave zuko behind… right. RIGHT?????? sreeder I swear on my fucking life if your separate our boys-

YO SURELY BATO WILL TALK HAKODA OUT OF BEING A BLOODY MORON SURELY SREEDER TELL ME IM RIGHT

god I love bato. also shen and zuko banter >>>

oh morrak, obviously they’re going to do something reckless this is jet we’re talking about

aaaaand that’s a WRAP

I am so torn between hating you for this ending and pumped for the next chapter bc shit is once again going to go down, and really, what else are we all here for??

anyways, in response to your proposal, I just wanna say that it feels like we’re divorced, but it was an amicable divorce and so we still celebrate holidays together so our children don’t have to choose which parent to spend time with BUT I use the divorce against you for comedic effect, such as you PULLING THE ANGST SHIT WITH ZUKKA and then I get to shake my head and say “this is why I divorced you”

love you to bits and pieces!!

leekie :)

Ohhhhhhhhh leekie I like my asks like I like my milkshakes ,,, THICK <3

Sifu hot pants takes his position extremely serious I don’t know what you mean by lighthearted?? ;)

If Zuko does run away it will be with elegance and grace and likely in the middle of the night so no one will know :D

Do you think if Zuko found out he was the ‘little fire bender’ he would kick Shen’s ass just to prove a point?

Your tangents are my world, but yeah remembering a person for their best qualities is important but it’s also important for him to at least….. TRY to do what kya would do!

If kya were here she would smack Hakoda upside the head because YOU ARENT EVEN TRYING DUDEEEE. Hakoda is lucky kya isn’t there to witness the mess he is making.

oommmgggg I love being divorced to you it’s the best decision we ever made. Mwa mwa mwa mwahhhhh. You’re the best leekie and you’ll probably hate me more after next chapter but that’s okkkkk!

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

It’s The Avengers (03x11)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 11: Exotic Medicines

Series Summary: Living in the Avengers facility post-apocalypse in a better timeline   Tony Stark has decided to capture every moment by pulling The Office on the Avengers. All of housemates are pretty used to the idea except for you, who had just come here to finish her degree, and the newest member- Loki.

Warnings: high and...slutty moments?

Word Count: My heart feels so light today. And Tari is one of the reasons for this. In the sense that she is amazing and gives me hope about myself.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

A creature with the head of an unhinged raccoon and the body of a dragon lizard scuttled on the dry patch of land, looking at its surrounding with those crazy eyes and panting with the sounds that usually came out of an out of breath pug whose nose was too small to take in the precious air for that chonky body. This guy, however, was more interested in chewing on the first piece of leather it bonked against, those huffing noises making any witness feel for this miserable looking animal. The leather boot shoved the raccoozard away only to have that stubborn bastard come back for the seemingly delicious leather that was now drowned in its spit. The boot kicked it casually- and lightly- once again to move away from the ground and instead rest on the barrel. The camera focused out of the boot to show Loki having no feelings look to the little 'zard. The other camera flying low over the creature was more interested in Lulu's raised hair looking at the abomination with caution before coming to smell the poor thing that laid upside down, thanks to Loki's amazing boot skills. Lulu raised its fluffy paw in the air, taking his sweet time to tilt his head and smack the animal in its face. And much to the little fluff's surprise, the 'zard growled and hissed at him, making the fluff ball take a step back. "Hey," Loki called out for Javier, who turned the galactic go-pro in his hand towards the God, "send one of your peekers inside to see how's it going." Javier moved the camera toward him to record himself giving Loki a look of confusion.

"The cameras are not 'peekers'," he signed before shrugging, "and peeking is not ethical." "Oh," Loki raised his brows while the camera quite tactfully panned in on the tension in those exposed biceps of his arms under the black shirt. He raised his hands to sign back. "So you go ahead be 'ethical' when those witches sacrifice her for her blood. Okay?" Javier's muted gasp had more emotion than Natasha on her bloody days- pun fully intended. "You were the one who suggested the witches!!!" The hand movements got more intense by the passing minute. "I suggested them for her bloody cramps," Loki signs back, still perched on the barrel, "I don't know what happens after?!" The camera was called to zoom upon Javier's face before he facepalmed himself harder than he should have. "Most cunning God MY ASS!!" "If the two of you are going to make a ruckus here then I would suggest you leave." Both boys stood in attention while the cameras focused on the woman in her wise years standing right outside the tent. Her authoritative features on that beautiful wrinkled green skin showed no sign of remorse or acceptance for the apologies. When she turned to go inside Javier turned to Loki to sign, "But we were not even talk-" "Because I can hear your thoughts, you useless meat suits," she shouted from the inside. Loki looked down at a fluffed up Lulu and shrugged. "Witches."

The Lounge "Okay, so the trick is for you to go-" Scott raised his leg and gracefully brought it back to bend over to let his beautiful booty naturally display the trademarked 'thicc'ness - "and then jerk it back like-" he continued by giving it a pop. Once. Twice. Thrice. The camera turned away to look at Peter and Vision stare in a mixture of shock as well as delight with a synced tilt of their heads. "How did you do that?" Pretending to flick away the hair from his face as he came back up- quite seductively- he sighed. "I've had practice." The audience waited and was met with no further commentary. "Oh, okay. So, we are not discussing the...uh...practice," Peter breathed before letting his brows furrow in deep curiosity, "but how the eff do you do the-" he bent over and tried to twerk. That twerk came out more like Peter trying to force his diaphragm to push up a seed stuck in his windpipe.  Scott blinked at the effort before helplessly looking at the camera.

Scott: *clicks his tongue* White people problems. We either shake that thang like Beyonce was our mama or we bend over as if begging someone to do the Heimlich on us. *camera zooms in* There is no in-between.

"You need a lot of practice," Scott pointed at the spider boy before moving over to Vision. "And show me what you learned." Vision looked at Scott's phone and WAP started right from the build-up to the verse. The camera never went below Scott and Peter's torsos but the unprecedented shock in their popping eyeballs left a lot to the imagination. When Vision finally came back in the frame, he smiled at the two. "I feel like I could have popped my behind more." Scott and Peter blinked and felt themselves jolt at his statement. "More?!" Peter gasped. "How?!!" Scott shouted at the same time. Vision, unphased, let the music start from the top. "Like this," he added innocently and went out of the frame, leaving both the boys to find a God in their prayers to answer their questions.

Planet of the Witches Javier took the shade of the lone bush under the sweltering sun by squatting under it, all the while watching Loki's leg impatiently tap on the barrel it was resting on. And when their eyes met, the former smiled and signed something. "I'm not worried about her. I'm worried about my ears falling off from listening to Stark's babbling of 'not taking care of her daughter'. I am not her bodyguard. He should know that by now." Javier scoffed. 'Are you sure you know that by now?' Loki narrowed his eyes at him.  "You have been getting cheeky by the day, boy." "And you cannot control your grumbling clouds for a fraction of the 'kula, can you?" The eldest of the witches, a humped grandma with a river of wrinkles over her face and hands and feet, came out to glare at Loki, who got off the barrel to stand in front of her in just a pinch of guilt before his eyes were distracted by your figure coming out of the tent. Before Loki's veiled relief could say anything, grandma took her crooked walking stick and slapped Loki's shin. The tiniest whine filled with confusion to the brim escaped the raven-haired boy. "OW!" the God growled at the old woman before raising his leg to hop around in pain while you tried your best to contain the laughter bubbling inside you. "Do not come to me for help if you cannot handle a few 'kulaeg, you impatient bog!" Loki's jaw unhinged while he hopped about and you gave the camera the more delightful look.

You: *gasp and beam* never in my life I thought I would see Loki stagger like that. That too by a five hundred-year-old alien lady!! *screeches* I love space! *shimmy your shoulders*

"I didn't even do anything this time?!!" Loki thundered, finally putting his foot on the ground. "Wait," you raised a finger in anticipation and confusion, "this time?" Grandma tapped her stick hard into the rocky ground. "Be thankful it's not a yank in your nethers for kidnapping my Logo last time." Your muted gasp grew wider, and the camera panned in when you stood in the middle of the two. "You kidnapped her Logo?" You whispered with elation. "Your Logo did not want to be kidnapped?" You tried hard to restrain the chortle in your voice before trying to come back to a straight face. The camera panned in on your face to catch you whisper, "I don't even know what a Logo is!" right into the lens. "I feel like there's a lot to unpack here. Grandmama, tell me everything this stupid ass has ever done!" Loki didn't seem to like the idea. "What is your problem, Se'tiri? You hit me even when I don't do anything wrong?! Every! Single! Time!" Se'tiri narrowed her eyes at the God, not letting her little body be intimidated by the six-foot tall creature. "You have one those faces, boy. Ones that are asking to be hit because they do not know what manners are." "Oh, dang," you whisper to the camera and secretly praise this alien grandma's spirit. "Fine, I'll never come here, ever again," Loki huffs, grabbing your hand to leave in a two-second surprise state, "come on, Y/N, let's go." "That's what you said last time you blue seaweed," Se'tiri shouted in her raspy voice, "make sure to remember this time! And take those damned bao-bao I made you and your friends, you giant slug!" Leaving your hand for a moment- that seemed to bring a microsecond of mellow sadness over your face- Loki smoothly turned a one-eighty to go inside the tent and bring with him a bento wrapped in blue fabric, grabbed your hand again and gave a stink eye to the woman. "I am taking these bao-bao with me, you rotten hag! And I will come whenever I please!" "You better come with some fucking bao-bao material or I'll not make more for you!" she yelled. Loki was already walking away with you by his side. "You will make me more because I am the only one who eats these stinky buns!!! Come on Lulu!" he yelled back, making the camera focus on Lulu standing upright, both excited and confused with something thin and long hanging from his mouth before he sucked it in and ran behind you two. The raccoon thing was nowhere to be seen.

The Lounge "You guys are the f***ing nuts!" Sam announced as the camera panned out to show Scott, Vision and Peter sitting on the sofa. Two of them had pouty faces while one was enchanted by the Falcon. A good moment of silence passed with Sam's firm expression before he finally spoke again. "You have to move your hips in a way to not hurt your lower back. And you have to split without hurting your nuts!" Both Scott and Peter winced at the memory and brought their ice packs closer to their crotch. "Now, watch...and learn." Sam gave one quick look to Vision and the AI automatically turned on the music for Sam to manoeuvre his body to the beats with the rigidity of water. And before anyone knew it, he was making a one-eighty with his leg to open it into a perfect split before popping that booty thrice for a perfect finish. The camera panned out to zoom in at the faces of equally bewildered and impressed Steve and Bucky standing at the entrance of the Lounge holding hands. "Should we...ask?" Steve wondered to his partner, his eyes still glued to the man of many talents. "Do we have to?" Bucky added.

Bucky: *in all his seriousness* We have to. I need to learn how to do that perfect split but I will cut my own veins before asking Sam for tutoring me.

Away From the Witches "All the weirdness aside because I know it comes from the insecurity in your past relationships of being not loved enough to trust another person, I have to say you and Grandmama Se'tiri really care about each other." The camera was stuck in one frame- on your head resting on your hand while your gaze was stuck on the God pretending to brood while eating the purple coloured buns the old witch had made for him. A quick glance from him at you from the corner of his eye and he was already turning his eyes towards you to question that softness stuck in your eyes while you looked at him. Not to mention your smile. "Stop looking at me like that," he muttered with his mouth half full. "Fuck you, I won't," you giggled lightly, getting a raised brow from Loki. "How the fuck can someone look so cute while eating? Why are you looking so good while eating?" Loki had to stop chewing and look at you for a few moments in keen observation. Or judgment. Or both. "What did they do to you in there?" It was your turn to sit straight in this weird open buggy floating between two alien rhinos as they languidly strolled over the deserted part of the planet. "They squeezed all that painful shit out of me," you inhaled. "Like I could feel my uterus squeeze and let the walls out from inside me, the blood, the gooey stuff, all of it. It hurt a bit at the beginning like every other time but once Grandamama and her sisters started chanting, it was all gone," you concluded with a smile. "Even though the goo was still coming out of my vagina." Lulu's camera caught the reasonable blankness on Javier and Loki's face before both of them put the buns down and tried their best to blink away the pictures you had so patiently put inside their heads. You, still perched with your head on your palm, smiled at the boys. "Should've left the bun for after the icky bloody part. Is it weird I can still smell the blood? Just like that bloody stench you get when you dump your menstrual cup down the drain during a shower and watch all that blood go down imagining you just murdered someone and are reminiscing the entire thing." Loki looked at the camera with newfound confused horror in his eyes.

Loki: Remind me to never piss her off during her bloody days. *inhales* Also remind me to make Clint and Steve piss her off on her bloody days *smirks and raises his brows suggestively at the camera*

"Oh! And she even gave me candy!" You nearly shout, going for the little backpack and unzipping it take out a blue plastic looking bag which looked like something straight out of your younger sister's newly opened business with much effort given to the packaging and the brand. An outline of a herb adorned the logo while a few imprints of languages unknown to you were written below it. "And I am not sharing it with anyone." Loki scoffed, looking at you while slowly putting the delicious-looking bao-bao in his mouth, making you wrinkle your nose before opening your own collection of fluffy marshmallow-like collection and putting one in your mouth. "Oh dang! It's cheesy!" You babbled through your full mouth, gasping with a sudden revelation. "Ooooh!! And spicy!" Loki chuckled and turned his whole body towards you. "Oh come on now, Y/N. You don't have to pretend to give your little trinkets flavours to tease..." His voice drowned when his sight apparently fell on the packet you were holding while gobbling down your second treat. "This one's minty," you added with a wiggle of your brows and a huge smile on your face. "...me," he barely whispered, his attention only on the packet with his eyes narrowing on the foreign words written over it. The bun resting in Loki's hand dropped into his lap for Lulu to make it disappear within less than a second. Loki's hand came for the packet but your reflexes were too good today to let him lay his claws on it. "Oh you aren't getting any," you gasped at his audacity. "I don't want to ea-" Loki snapped himself and moved his hand towards the packet- "let me see the packet." Silence. "Y/N." Your hand went inside the packet for another snack. "Y/N," he called out sweetly with a hint of caution. You popped the little ball of crunch in your mouth. He leapt halfway towards the packet, his hand reaching and almost grabbing your newfound treasure. "Stay. Away," you command with your eyes. "I just want to see the pack-" he leapt again and this time grabbed your back instead while the snacks were raised away from him. "Really?" "You're not getting any!" Loki was lying over your now. Both of you were grunting and squirming; Loki trying to lock his arms around your waist to push you down while you anchored your free hand on the edge of the floating buggy. "Give me the packet!" He roared. "No!" You growled back and hissed at him without turning around to look at his frustration lines. The God locked his legs around yours, using his one arm to restrain your waist and the other to tickle your armpit long enough to make you howl in a burst of laughter that ended with a blood-curdling sigh when he finally got the packet in his hand. "Aha!" He exclaimed, still not letting you go. "I hate you!" You wiggled inside his hold that didn't seem to work him much. "Why do you have to be so FUCKING strong!!" But Loki had all his attention on the package by now. His glow of victory faded as fast as it came when his eyes went over the print, the shades turning from a subtle shade of confusion to a much denser stroke of fear. "Wha-no...no!" Loki looked at your scowling face cursing him left and right. "How many have you eaten?" "Oh screw you!" "Y/N! How many have you eaten?!!!" All the rage in your pupils melted into full-blown innocent kitten eyes. "A few," you whispered. Loki- his lips parted in question with the nearest star hitting his pale face from the side to let his green eyes glow with the reflection coming from your white tank top- tilted his head to judge you with a raised brow. Your lips parted just like his but in heavy bewilderment of the sorts that one does not usually let out before turning to share a look with a camera.

You: *tilt head* was he always this...poetically beautiful?

You mumbled something under your breath with your eyes darting away from his face. "Y/N." "I said I had some at grandmama's place." A muted yet sophisticated gasp came out of Loki's mouth. "How many exactly?" "....Six or seve-" "We can still fix this-" "-teen?" Any hope bubbling in the God's eyes suddenly evaporated when he looked into a camera with a newfound fear.

Loki: This candy *raises the packet to show to the camera* is a sort of soother. It releases the tension in your muscles and helps in better blood circulation along with improving focus, increasing the stamina and...making everything quite...brighter? *sucks on his teeth* *looks at his feet while still holding the packet in frame* All of this happens when you consume two candies. *camera pans in on the artificial smile on Loki's face as he looks back at the lens* *whispers with a strain in his voice* she's had seventeen.

WAP Boys The flatscreen showed Loki gasping in sheer horror while the mute icon activated right over his disparate shade of horror as compared to your confused one. The same camera shifted from the huge screen towards the group gathered in the lounge, trying to figure out who did it. Scott, Peter and Sam were busy teaching Bucky and Steve while Vision made everyone some fizzy lemonade. Wanda searched for the WAP dance videos online while Natasha sat on the sofa- closest to the screen- making videos of the boys. For a second she revered her eyes from the screen to look at the camera sideways. A fleeting second, a straight face and the single silent entity in the chaos was all it took for the Black Widow to blink at the camera before going back to her phone. "There is no way I can do tha-" Steve was trying his best with his hands raised up to his chest in defeat. "Oh, come on, Cap," Scott begged, "you don't even have to do much. You just wiggle a little and your beautiful bouncy ass will do the rest of the work." Steve started to speak but stopped to give a hyperexcited Scott an expression filled with so many questions. "Word," Sam chimed in from behind Steve before gulping down his share of lemonade as he walked towards the sofa, getting a frown from Steve as a response. "Amen," Bucky announced whilst looking at the camera with a nascent smirk as he sipped his lemonade, at the same time trying to push his hair back. The 'really, Bucky?' look on Steve's face was a sweet bonus to already blushing owner of America's ass. "What the hell is happening?!" The unprecedented surprise in the familiar voice put everyone's metaphorical tails into one collective bushy goosebump. All the cameras shifted to a stunned yet stoic Tony Stark standing by the entrance of the lounge while everyone else tried to calm their heartbeats and look for an explanation.

Scott: I actually thought I was gonna get kicked out and so *shrugs*

"He did that!" Scott blurted out while pointing at the empty loveseat. Tony narrowed his eyes at him and the poor Antman found himself at a loss of words. "We were-" Steve paused for a second to give a quick look at everyone's faces before scratching an itch behind his ear- "learning a...a new dance?" "..." "It's the WAP!" Peter acknowledged with quite the enthusiasm till the wide cautious eyes of three people standing around him made him realise what he had just said.

Scott: *breathing into a paper bag* Oh crap! I am definitely dead today. Stark's gonna kill me for ruining his precious baby!!

"You all-" Tony at everyone in the room- "are learning the WAP while I get the news about a deadly virus taking over the world." "What?" There are muffled gasps and confused looks shared before everyone gets serious.

"It's a flu. The scientists are calling it Covid. Dr Cho, Bruce and Shuri are working on the cure," "Who's behind this?" Steve's persona did a complete one-eighty. "Hydra?" "The Neo-Nazis?" "Oh! Illuminati?" "Apparently, it has originated from 'bats'. The Wakandans have a lead on the 'bats'." "Okay, everyone," Steve announced, "let's suit up!" "Woah! Woah-ho-hooo!" The camera panned in on Tony's posture that clearly said 'nobody's going anywhere'. "Where do you think you're going?" Silence. Everyone looked at Steve for an answer. "To find the root of this virus." Tony took a step forward, his head already held high as usual. "Not before I win the WAP." Scott's jaw dropped to the floor, him and the camera looking at each other at the same instant. On the other side, Natasha- lying on the sofa- scrolled through her phone. "Okoye has already taken care of the 'root cause', hasn't she?" she nudged Tony. He didn't answer that. For a few seconds. "Doesn't matter. I can still wipe the floor with his ass. With all your asses." "Okay okay okay okay okay-" Sam nodded, enjoying the playful tension between the boys. "It's on. It is on!" The camera shifted to Natasha, who was still sprawled upon the sofa, smirking at her phone. "Perfect timing," she commented with a wink before opening her phone's camera to start recording.

In the alien Buggy "IIIII Loooove you BABAYYYYY. And if it's quite ALRIGHT!! I neeeed you BABAYYYY to warm these lonely NIGHTS!!!! OH PRETTY BA-" The singing continued in the background while Loki sat defeated on the floating vehicle, focusing on anything but that singing. His lips ran in a thin line, really telling the spectator the limit of his patience. The tension was boiling in his muscles and yet he did not move an inch, just waiting patiently. "Oh my God Loki?" You sat up in a daze behind him, your mouth agape with disappointed horror. "We have been together all this time but you got your hair conditioned! And not mine?!!" Loki's palm tried its best to rub some of his own disappointment off his face. "I thought we were best friends," you whimpered with betrayal in your already watering eyes. The camera focused on Loki shifting as he went for his bag to take out a bottle of water and a small green sachet. His eyes were on the camera when he asserted ever so sweetly, "of course, we are friends, Y/N. And I'll tell you where I got my hair conditioned-" he opened the sachet and mixed the herb-like contents in the water- "but first you need to drink some water." The camera panned out to show you running on the rough terrain away from the alien buggy- while Loki kept talking to himself- hopping in excitement at intervals.  "It will hydrate you and flush out those undesirable dru-" The d-word hung in the air when Loki found the space behind him empty. "Y/N?" He questioned in a tender tone, quite probably wondering you were hiding somewhere. The second time your name came out in urgency when he looked at Javier and Lulu sitting there in confusion. The third time he hopped down the moving vehicle- which, to be fair, moved at a turtle's pace- and looked underneath the levitating body. There was no fourth time. He just looked at Javier and Lulu, who turned to look in the direction you had dashed in. "Why didn't you stop her?!" Loki was restraining the anger so hard. "Oh, what do you mean neither of you can speak!!" By this time, Loki's heart was in his mouth, he was sweating and his breaths were shallow. Javier whistled at the rhino-like aliens pulling their buddy to stop. Getting down, he set his camera to Loki's side profile, conscious to maintain a safe distance from an untethered God. Licking his lips, he shut his mouth and took one deep breath with his eyes closed. The nearest star helped with its bright rays to let the audience know the clench of his jaw was an intense one. Opening his eyes, there was only one emotion that was visible on his entire being. "Fuck."

[cybertronian-cupid]

It is me, the stuffing ko anon, i hope you dont mind me requesting chonky human breakdown or starscream, btw love yalls writing!

Thank you, glad to see you come for more! Here's Breakdown for the Knocky hubby, that wrecker sweetheart deserves all the love! 💥~Gregoria🏩

............................. ....................... ............................

"Can I really?"

"Yes, yes of course, you know I baked these for you!"

The humans warm grin when they hand him another box of cookies has him relax more comfortably on the old, creaky wooden chair. 

He's already had at least three different trays of muffins, two full lemon cream pies, a chocolate mousse, a souffle and three milkshakes to wash it all down. His stomach is almost at its limit, the hologram threatening to fizzle out from how hard it's straining. He licks his lips taking the first bite of the crumbly caramel cookie. 

He stumbled across this bakery when Knockout was sent out on a scouting mission and "got lost". So with nothing better to do while his partner was "lost" on the race tracks, Breakdown decided to look at what this particular city has to offer.

And that's where he met them, offering him a free sample of their chocolate cake. One thing led to another, and so his appetite got him a part time "job" as their official taste tester and critic. He has yet to eat anything that doesn't make him long for being a human for real. He understands organics can't function on sugar alone, but with how delicious the variety is? His stomach rumbles in agreement. Strange, his own tank doesn't usually make noises like this when full. Then again, he isn't sure he could get stuffed like this on energon alone. 

As if reading his mind, they push a big slice of chocolate temptation towards him, and take the empty cardboard box out of his hands. He didn't even notice when they disappeared, the caramel sticking to his teeth the only clue that he was eating at all.

He brushes the crumbs down his top, his big hand gripping the much too small fork clumsily. He stabs it into the dark, rich chocolate frosting, slicing through layers of coffee cream and spongy cake, the smell alone causing him to swallow thickly. He appreciates it for a moment longer and then scoops the cake up and into his mouth. 

"You're just precious!" they laugh, already cutting him another slice, squirting a generous amount of whipped cream on top. He gulps down and tries to object, the chair groaning under his shifting weight.

He chews, humming when it all but dissolves on his taste buds, eyes closed in bliss. The texture is divine, and he is tempted to just grab the whole slice and stuff it in his face.

"That good?"

Encouraging moans around the next mouthful seem like a good enough answer to him.

"I don't think I should-"

They place the plate right next to the one in front of him patting his arm.

"You're a big man, working hard day and night! No way am I letting you walk back home without seeing you get all the sweetness you deserve."

'At this point I wouldn't be able to walk at all even if I wanted to.'

"And well, I was... meaning to give you something." they reach under the counter and place a pink box with a plastic wrap over the top. Eight heart shaped donuts decorated with sprinkles sit neatly inside.

Now he knows there's a human holiday approaching, and the human does seem slightly nervous. 

"Are you're free on the 14th? I plan on closing early and was wondering if you'd go on a dinner with me." 

Before he can give them an answer, the chair lets out a creak and collapses under him. With that surprise and how full he is, the hologram flickers on and off a couple of times, before shutting off completely. He lifts himself up on his elbows and looks at them, mustering a queasy grin. 

"Sure, if you don't mind going on a date with a car."

[ofashandofrose]

sids butt and thighs are the solution for world peace xD i cant tell you how many times ive looked at the top giff here to feel better sometimes rinkrats tumblr com/post/633051081752068096 👀👀

the absolute MEAT FEAST in this gifset anon

I was talking to @al-the-remix about the fact that people love how he draws Sid so absurdly chonky but then you can point to gifs like this and realize it’s all deliciously real

the man who never skips dessert, orders four entrees for himself but also works like a horse and has incredible muscle tone

plenty of him to go around

[thotantics]

Celebrating your comeback, here's a random tmi 😆 So, I'm a taurus sun girl whos on the quieter side in bed, like whispers and eventual curses lol. I was just eating an indecently good snack and my gf commented: "I wish you'd made faces like that in bed", jokingly. I wasn't paying attention at all, but I really did kept on moaning to how delicious it tasted and that's hella embarrassing. Now I'm stuck thinking about how many times I must've done it unknowingly in front of other people 😭

LMAO aw cute!!

i agree with ur gf tho u should practice being more vocal in bed!! 🤣 but as a chonky girl, i relate big time, i always enjoy my food way too much, it's an ~experience~ not just a meal sldjf

[celsidebottom]

Some of my favorite lines from RQGG today (minus the bits where they read things in character because there are already so many)

“The banana forests of Scandinavia”

“Baby Empty.  YEET”

“#DropTheChild”

“Alexander Jail Newall”

“Tell me of the ghost rotor”

“We still got to use the ruler and that’s valuable in and of itself”

“The secret is the fourth dimension”

“The subgame of removing the bodies”

“Oh look!  Jonny’s named someone Michael!”

“When I give you guys power… boy do you go ham”

“HE’S A BAD COW”

“Sean Bean is an ancient being”

“Helen’s being filthy!!!”

“What’s a lead in line for Sean Bean?  Oh, bastard.”

“The cow has replaced everything”

“It’s really simple: Sean Bean is older than time itself.  He’s also fifteen people.  You are one fifteenth of Sean Bean. “

“Spies are inherently sexy”

“Convene the beans!”  “Bean con!”  “By all means, convene the beans!”  “The scene of beans has been seen”

“All aboard the tea trolley”

“Let’s round up some children”

“On stream, we’re family friendly so no families are dead”

“Three strong, northern, craggy dads”

“Immersed amongst the present spikes”

“I’ve got lots of money under my clothes”

“If there’s one thing I like more than money, it’s naked poor people”

“Come with me into the sexatorium”

“Our sexatoriums are drastically underfunded”

“The coolant pigs”

“My cat believes I am so incompetent that he brought me a marinated pork loin with a bit of cheese on top”

“I’m ready to Santa… the proper way”

“There are Macedonian… cosplayers…”  “Not in Sheffield!”

“For the sake of time, I’m just going to say you failed”

“Visit the north!  We’ve got above average schools!  Do you like cities?  We’ve got a few!”

“Imagine a three piece hazmat suit”

“It’s neck o’clock! Ding ding ding!  Everybody get some neck!”

“I love standing on dogs! Boo me some more!”

“Are you guys up for some mounting?”

“He starts and possibly never ends”

“Too much mounting. Not good for the health.”

“We got some Canadians here? Has Michael Buble come out of hibernation yet?”

“I would wash you like a mummy cat”

“I’ve taken up an extreme sport, say, sky punching”

“We do not speak of the bolo tie.  It is America’s greatest shame”

“I would make you a delicious deodorant pie and kill two birds with one stone.  And maybe you!”

“That I want to lick your armpit during sex is a bad thing?”

“I like stabbing people. Who would you stab, and why?”

“Cars Movie 5: Weird Sex Car”

“No third party lubricant for this guy!”

“You can’t get a good crumb on a child”

“That cacophony is the screams of our fans”  “Aww, that’s so personal!”

“I never took any anatomy classes.  I hear that was good call”

“CORN SMUT”

“Interwstong”

“What’s the difference between most people and dragons?  They don’t fireball themselves”

“Bryn looks like a cross between seventeen corgis and a whole ass dragon” vs “Bryn looks like a cross between a welsh cake and a tomato”

“My family is like Tim: just tremendous” vs “My family is like Tim: Insufferable and omnipresent”

“That cow looks scared of something.”  “It’s probably the knives”

“‘I’m Tim Meredith, I’m a high brow comic!’”

“I like my sex like I like my hummus: with peppers!”

“I came up here in good faith!”  “That was your first mistake.”

“You have to be Boris Johnson forever.”  “That’s the worst fate ever!”

“Zolf can swear! Struck by fucking lightning!”

“If I’m not directly talking I’m not interested”

“He’s a prospector with glorious thighs.  She’s an actual snake.  Haunches and the Snake.  Coming to CBS this fall to be immediately cancelled.”

“Haunches is a good character, you shouldn’t have given him to me.”  “You gave me a beer, it’s fine.”

“Fuck!  Piss!  Shit! They’re all on the table!  Oh no”

“Regular bits Tim”

“You keep your beautiful, chiseled face out of what we have”

“Where the fuck is the pickle?”

“You’re a half pint of horse shit.  You know that?  I take it back.  Full pint.”

“It’s a game about playing cards and trying not to make an erotic atmosphere, Tim.”

“You draw one and then you play?”  “You draw one and then you play.”

“It wasn’t a joke I just like the tiny island”

“It’s pickles all the way down”

“Lovecraft can take it, he’s dead.  Good.”

“I need the wet”

“When’s the last time you pitched a bail of hay, you fraud?”

“I think the last vaguely country thing I did… was carry a load of dead birds”

“Jane Prentiss?  Super good character.”  “I gave those worms a home!”  “And I have the world something to do!”

“This game is a thicc boi”

“This game is a chonky, chonky boi”

“I explained that I work with a podcasting company and she walked away very quickly, so, waitress at Nando’s, thank you for that”

“[A relationship is] not a competition, it’s a fight to the death”

“These are the traits I don’t want Alex to have”  “Insomnia went in the pile, that’s interesting”

“You’re a young ish man”  “That was a very big ‘ish’ and a very quiet ‘young’”

“Marriage is a lot like poker”

“‘I’m over my head in deadlines.’  And then I have a PTSD flashback to my actual life.”

“Aren’t relationships just sexy networking?”

“You ask a man if you can hold his baubles once…”

“Mike is now crowd surfing naked… Unfortunately, the cameras can only pan so wide… I think that’s his hand waving…”

“I’m not used to having emotions, I don’t know what to do with them.”

“Those wholesome bastards are gone now!”

“Asking for a friend.”  “You don’t have friends, Tim”

“I’m going to shuffle slow just to piss off Mike.  It’s just because I’m drunk… I am not abusing the alcohol!  We are in a consensual relationship!”

“A safe play by a safe man.”  “Saucy”

“Deal me in, motherhuggers”

“He knows how to play! That’s cheating!”

“What are we playing?”  “Doesn’t matter.”

“I got dukes coming out the butt!”

“Got dummy thicc stacks”  “Forgive me for being anti-meme but I’m going to take from your stacks… they’re thicc with one c.”

“I don’t trust you.”  “Why do you keep casting me as people who kill people?”  “Because I don’t trust you! What about this doesn’t check out?”

“I’m going to coup Alex because I don’t like having a job”

“Other gods, deities, and belief systems are available.”

[fan-art-ic]

I saw your post abt cannolis and I am here to help! Imagine a kind of icing kinda filling for a Cronchy bread wrap, usually dipped/drizzled in chocolate and sprinkled in powdered sugar. They also look like a chonky dessert egg roll usually. Though I did get one that was about as big as one of my Fingers and I've never felt more ripped off in my life

A) thats a fucking ripoff king you shouldve been given one as big as a sumo wrestlers finger at LEAST B) That sounds so delicious i'm

[plutoisaplanet16]

21 Reasons to Love Someone

(Damien Haas x reader)

#1. Their Smile 

Word count: 1,644

Warnings: none (SFW)

Buy me a coffee

Two words: Defy Media.

     At first excitement coursed Damien’s being as he thought about the prospect of having a job where he could sit around and play games all day. However, it did not take him long to feel the same way everybody else in the office did. You knew the pressure took a toll on him when the first thing he did after work was sleep. Damien’s personality shined through on camera, but being the entertaining ball of sunshine for so many videos each day overwhelmed him. When he came home he would say a mindless “hello y/n” and perhaps jokingly say “hello my baby geese” to Freyja and Zelda, but after that he would close the door to the bedroom and plop down on the bed. Sometimes he wouldn’t even bother to take his shoes off. Usually you would just leave him alone for a couple hours until you finished making dinner or the postmate had arrived.

“How was work?” you would ask as you handed him his meal.

He would always tell you, “It was good, but I won’t go into detail. Too much happened today; I’ll probably miss something if I try to tell you.”

     Damien would always laugh it off and pretend like it was nothing, but you knew better than to buy into his nightly act. After nearly a year and half of dating, you knew what Damien did when something bothered him. Comedy was his coping mechanism, but after the bright laughter ceased, his face fell into a blank expression: the sparkle in his eyes dulled, his normally rosy complexion seemingly drained in an instant, and lastly, silence filled the room. It was quite frankly the most bizarre phenomenon to behold. All you wanted to do was grab his soft face and kiss his forehead to try and convince him that everything would work out, but this wasn’t a fanfiction or a cheesy romantic comedy. People are more complicated than that.

     So that’s how you ended up awake at 3:17 a.m. scouring the internet for Harry Potter house robe cat costumes. Your dry eyes and blurry vision did not deter you from finding that one Esty shop that would grant you wish. Was each costume going to be $45 plus shipping? Yes. But did that stop you? No. This was a mission of love, and for Damien, you would go any distance to see that adorable goober genuinely smile.You were just about to place the order when Damien’s arm pulled you closer into his chest as he looked over your shoulder. Without thinking, you stupidly threw your phone across the room. Luckily it landed in a soft, plushy chair in the corner of the room. 

“Y/n, what was that about?” Damien shook his head. 

You struggled to find an answer, “Um...uh...”

“Do I even want to know?” he chuckled, “As long as it’s not Tinder I don’t care enough to lose any more sleep.”

“I would never cheat on you!” you exclaimed.

He sleepily mumbled, “I know. I’m too sexy.”

     You laughed to yourself as you left the bed to go retrieve your hopefully-not-cracked-phone. You quickly placed the order and crawled back into bed. It was rare that Damien ever complimented himself like that. It reminded you of the Damien you knew before Defy... the Damien who ruffled his hair and smoldered at the camera for a selfie. It was so nice to hear Damien still have his moments of confidence. It gave you hope that your plan would actually work.

5:15 pm. It was almost time.

     You had just finished making dinner, and you rushed to set the table neatly. To be honest, what you made shouldn’t even really be considered dinner because it was more or less a buffet of different movie food such as: M&Ms, twizzlers, chips and homemade dip, tiny sandwiches, and of course popcorn. You arranged them into a deliciously looking spread in the finest plastic bowls the dollar store had to offer. (Neither one of you would really want to do dishes anyway.) Once it looked perfect you turned towards the living room to hunt down Freyja and Zelda. You had the costumes neatly folded on the top of the  grey, cloth couch. Luckily Freyja was napping on the cushion below them; you petted her gently and unfolded her Ravenclaw house robes. She yawned and stretched right as you were about to wake her. Her eyes fluttered open, and she sniffed the robe. Freyja backed away and her big, glossy eyes moved back and forth between you and the costume.

“It’s for Daddy, okay? Work with me here, please Freyja.”

     She meowed back like she understood, and from then on she was compliant. Next, you had to hunt down Zelda. It honestly amazed you how well that chonky cat could hide. You called out her name for what felt like forever until you yelled that Damien would be home soon. A small meow came from underneath the couch.

“Just what am I to you guys?”

Zelda came out and before she even knew what was happening, you squeezed her into her Hufflepuff robes, “Finally.” 

      Everything was almost perfect; the last thing you had to do was put on your own house robes and get all eight Harry Potter movies out of storage. Sure you would never be able to finish them all in one night, but both of you would give it a valiant attempt. Digging the movies out of the bin would prove to be a challenge because both of you were giant nerds that for some reason decided to just throw all your nerdiness into several boxes and NOT label them. In the fourth of six boxes is where you found the first three movies, and the rest were at the bottom of the fifth box. You decided that after all this was over you and Damien were sure to be doing some serious decluttering for the next week or so. Meanwhile, you had to go light some spooky looking candles, somehow avoid going ahead and digging into the scrumptious food, and put the first DVD in the console. 

     As the first movie finally loaded, Damien unlocked the door and walked in, “It smells like a theatre in here. What happ-”

     He stopped dead in his tracks when saw you with the Sorting Hat on your head and your Harry Potter robes. His face was full of wonder and confusion as he took a couple seconds to slowly look around and examine his surroundings. He giggled at the spooky yet romantic lighting as well as Hedwig’s Theme rattling the walls of the apartment. You hoped you two wouldn’t get noise complaints...again. Damien walked closer towards you, but soon Freyja and Zelda ambushed him by rubbing themselves up against his legs.

He looked down in disbelief, “Freyja...Zelda? Y/n?”

“I’m glad you know all our names,” you teased.

“What is all this? Their costumes? The candles? The food? Harry Potter?” he sat down on the floor next to you.

“Listen Damien, I know something has been up with you these past couple of weeks. I know you love Smosh and your job, and it doesn’t make sense to me why you would be hiding how you really feel from me,” you said.

“Y/n,” he sighed, “It’s complicated, okay? Half the time I don’t even know what’s going through my head when it comes to talking about my day. You are right. I love my job, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, I’m having a tough time right now. There are a lot of videos we film in one day, and for someone like me it can easily become too much. The biggest issue is our parent company itself never listening to us; it is so frustrating. I don’t like spreading that kind of negativity so I shove it away, but it seems it has still affected you. It’s hard for me to talk about, and honestly, I just want to figure it out on my own. I don't want to bring you down with me.”

You were kind of hurt that he didn’t feel comfortable telling you everything but you had to respect him, “It’s okay Damien. I won’t push you, but please let me in on some things. I hate sitting here watching you be miserable not being able do a single thing about it. I want to help you, and that’s why I did all this. Sometimes you walk in here, and it’s like I don’t even know who I am looking at. I believe you will find your footing at Smosh, and everyone will soon adore you. I know it didn’t take me long to fall in love with you.”

Damien blushed, “Oh really?”

     He smiled. He actually smiled. It was a complete 100% authentic goofy Damien smile that spread from ear to ear. He felt happiness deep down inside because of you, and that is all you could ever ask for. Being the ooey-gooey romantic person you are, you threw yourself onto him and gave him a big kiss on the forehead. No, that kiss wouldn’t really fix much, but it made both of your hearts melt. When you pulled away you looked at his face again; he was still smiling, but it wasn’t the same as it was a moment ago. Instead of bright and bubbly, it was a small adoring grin. His eyes bore into yours, and it was like everything else around you two disappeared. 

“Y/n?” he asked.

You answered, “Yes?”

He pulled you into his chest and tightly wrapped his arms around you. His soft heartbeat became like white nose to you, “How come you fell in love with me so fast?”

You pulled away from him and kissed his lips, “How could I not with that smile of yours?”

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Hello! This is my first Smosh fanfiction I have ever wrote. I’m not new to the fanfiction writing world. I’ve had two wattpad accounts and even wrote on a BTS fan app for a while. I dropped this hobby of mine to focus on my senior year of high school. Recently though I have come back to writing due to being stuck in the house and my school year being pretty much over. I decided to start this prompt series because I was bored and itching to write something again. I hope you all have enjoyed this short imagine. It is part one of a twenty-one part prompt list that I have made up myself.

This specific list will, for now, only include past and present Smosh members, but if you would like to see any of these prompts for other fictional characters or  real people please let me know in my inbox! I have no requests, and I would certainly love some. Thank you all for reading this!