#please help me get this out of my living room oh zod

[callmebliss]

So like 8-9 months ago I bought a couch, which necessitated cleaning my living room, which I did in the manner of the bog goblin I am - everything that I couldn’t thoughtlessly justify immediately throwing away got rough-sorted and stuffed into bins. I am attempting to unearth my drawing desk because the Circular Gallifreyan Art bug has taken hold again, ergo I have to finally Deal With The Bins that are in the way.

Of particular note is the Bin Of Yarn which, it turns out, is the Bin Of Yarn Projects In Various Stages Of Completion. So I will now be posting each thing that is done or near-done, because the cold times are upon us and yarn things are warm, and I have no fucking clue how much time I already spent on any of it so literally any bid is fair game, because any amount of monies is more valuable right now than the no monies I get having this stuff sitting here taking up space.

See a thing you like? LMK how much you wanna give me for it.

Don’t? Pls reblog, because mebbe someone else will.

Thx!

FIRST UP!!!

A Green Scarf! (holy shit this is soft af I almost don’t wanna sell it, but I’m gunna)

This scarf is made of deliciously chonky yarn. 

It is long enough to wrap around twice and have it reach to your waist.

You can also do one of the wraps over your head, in case you maybe don’t have a hat (these things, they happen sometimes)

If you like doing the schmanchy over/under weavy wrappy thing with it, it is great for that too

[moonflower-31]

You Found Me - Gabriel x Reader

Warnings: Language? Somewhat? Oh and some self doubt, but not a lot. There is a looot of angst though. This is part of a two part oneshot. Hope you enjoy the feels.

Pairing: Gabriel x Reader

Character(s): Gabriel, Dean, Sam, Castiel

You were worried, to put it simply. Gabriel had told you three weeks ago he'd start to change. That he would take you out more. See you more in general. Not go off to Chuck knows where, doing who knows what.

You were worried. Yeah. That's the word. You were also pissed. Pissed he hadn't answered your prayers at all in those three weeks. Dean and Sam and Cas had all been through all the ways to try and bring him back, figure out what was going on, except to summon him. You had insisted that be the first thing they do, but Cas had intervened. He had said that if Gabriel was gone somewhere, that it was probably good reason. And that he would answer them in other ways.

But look where that got you?

"Look, kid, I know you miss your archangel douche of a boyfriend but-" Dean starts, looking up from the table he sat at in the main library. You rolled your eyes and looked up from your lore book on angels.

"But what? Dean? He might actually be in real danger! And you're sitting there--eating take out!" You exclaim, gesturing to his heart-attack-inducing food in front of him. Dean immediately gave you an offended glare and wrapped an arm around his food. You rolled your eyes again, and then put your eyes back to the book you were reading. No one would tell you the summoning for an archangel. And since the only archangel that would be able to be summoned would be Gabriel, you figured your chances of getting his ass back here were pretty good.

"Come on, let him live a little! I mean, I don't like the guy but every now and then, a guy has to have his alone time. Find himself. I did it. Sam's done it more than once." Dean reminds. You shake your head. Dean continues. "What I'm saying is maybe you should stop trying to summon him and let him come when he's ready. I'm sure he's fine, alright? He would have let you of all people know he was in danger if he was." Dean reminds again.

You grumble and slam the book in your hands closed. "You know what? I'm done. Done with you, and Sam, and Cas's petty excuses! It's like you don't even care!" You exclaim, and stomp out of the library.

You stomp off and slam the door to your room closed, locking it behind you as you collapse onto your bed, wishing and praying for Gabriel to return.

He hadn't returned in three weeks. Not even when you were in danger on hunts and you prayed to him. It made you question if he even loved you anymore. The thought of it made you sick. But it was possible.

You felt your chest heave and tears began to pour from your eyes as you sat back up and pulled the book from where you had dropped it beside the bed. You began wiping away your tears only for new ones to take their place. You opened the book and kept scouring the pages as a knock came to your door.  You immediately hid the book under your sheets and then stood up, and went to the door.

"Who is it?" You ask.

"Castiel. Dean said you were upset."

"Go away Cas. I'm fine. Just distraught over your damn older brother, nothing new." You grumbled, walking away from the door and sitting back on your bed.

A flutter of wings sounds and you look up, finding the trenchcoated angel standing at the foot of your bed. "Y/N... Gabriel will be okay. I promise." He says, looking at you with as sincere enough eyes as an angel can probably muster.

You let out a sad chuckle. "Really Cas? Same speech as last time? I just want him back... I don't want to lose him..." you say, hugging your arms for a moment as you fight the incoming tears. Castiel walks over and wraps his arms around you in a comforting hug, letting you wrap your own arms around him as he holds you. You're appreciative of the gesture as he lets you cry, and lays you down on the bed when you fall asleep. Your first real sleep in days.

~~~~

When you reawaken, it's later in the day, around midnight. You sigh and check your bed, seeing the book still there. You bring it out and start flipping through it, until you find it. And after a few quick translations, find out what you needed for summoning your absent boyfriend.

You write a quick note of the ingredients you needed, and then got up. You had some of the ingredients. But lacked two. You needed some herbs and some leaves that were hard to come by. So you needed to talk to someone.

"Yeah, those'll do. Thanks. I'll be down to pick them up in a few hours. Thanks." You say, hanging up on the friend who owed you a few favors. He had some of the ingredients that you needed. And all you needed now was to put it all together. And say the chant, of course.

You were walking out of your room, when Sam stopped you. You raise an eyebrow as the tall, moose-like man stood in your way.

"Uh...Sam? What are you doing?" You ask, a bag of essentials on your back.

Sam gives you a bitch face. "Really? You really don't think I didn't see you sneak that book into your room? I've read it. And it has what we've been telling you we shouldn't be doing. Wait it out. Alright? I promise, it's all gonna be okay-" Sam starts.

At this point, you were done of hearing that. After so many instances of Dean, Sam, Cas, hell, even Charlie saying it, you were done. Absolutely done. So you snapped.

You immediately shoved Sam out of the way as soon as his guard was down, pinning his sleeve to the wall with one of your knifes. Sam calls out to Dean to alert him of your escape, but you're too quick. You race up the stairs behind you and then you exit the bunker, racing down the road as adrenaline fills your veins.

You didn't dare take the Impala, knowing Dean would kill you if you did.  He rarely let Sam off the hook when he took it. So what's to say he wouldn't kill you?

You finally slowed down near a gas n' sip, and found an abandoned car. You went into the store for a moment, and picked out a few of Gabriel's favorite sweets. You took them to the counter and payed for them before going back outside, and hotwiring the abandoned car.

The adrenaline had finally left you after you'd been on the road for awhile. You'd left your phone at the Gas n' Sip, so you weren't able to be tracked. Damn Sam and Charlie's hacking abilities.

You finally pulled up to your buddy's place around 4 am, and parked in their driveway.

"Damn, Y/N, you look great for three years gone." Your old pal Brad said as he opened the door. He opened the door for you to come in soon after, drinking a beer.

You smile but shake your head. "I'm sorry, but this is an urgent hunt. I need those ingredients now." You say.  Brad chuckled.

"Really? You ain't gonna sit down and tell me how you've been with those... those uh.." Brad starts.

"Winchesters." You remind, nodding a bit. "Yeah uh... not now. I don't exactly have the time. But uh... I promise, ill come by soon. Okay?" You promise. Brad chuckled.

"I'm just messing with ya. I know you're busy. Just lemme know if I can help at all. Okay? Any time of night or day. I've got open ears." Brad says, smirking at you with a broken smile. You smiled and nodded.

Brad soon disappeared behind the door, and after five minutes returned with the herbs you needed.

"Take care now. Call me if you ever need anything else." He says as he sees you off. You nod, and wave back at him as you climb back into your stolen car and pull back onto the dark road.

It wasn't until 5 am that you found the place. It was old, it was rusty. It was perfect. You found an old table and set everything up. You used your lighter and lit up the ingredients, soon after uttering the chant.

"Rah ah gah ee oh es Vee nu nohno kee ah seh peh teh poh ah ma lah deh zod" you utter, and a bright light enters the room. You shield your eyes and wait a few moments before you hear him.

"Really? You're resulting to summoning me?" Gabriel grumbles, looking at you annoyedly. "Im busy, Sugar." He says.

You weren't listening. You were merely relieved that he was okay. You walk around the table, and then wrap your arms around him, almost too tightly.

Then he pushes you away.

"Sugar, please. I'm busy. Can't this wait?" Gabriel asks. You look up at him dejected.

"Busy? You're just 'busy'?" You ask, venom and hurt in your voice. Gabriel looks a bit hurt by your words, but doesn't react otherwise.

"You promise me that you'll spend more time with me, cuddle more, hang out more, watch more movies, but no. No you're 'busy'" you hiss, looking at Gabriel with tears in your eyes.

"Yeah, I am. I’m not gonna keep having this conversation right now. Like I said, I'm busy. I have somethings I need to do." He says, looking at you.

You furrow your eyebrows. You stomp forward and you grab his collar. "You know what would have been appreciated? Gabriel? If you would let me know you were okay! I've been worried about you this entire time! 'What if he's been kidnapped and he's being tortured? What if it's my fault?' Wow, but you're too busy!" You spat, shoving him back and turning away from him.

Gabriel sighed. "Y/N, please, okay? I couldn't get back to you. And besides, this isn't something you should be worried about. I don't understand why you were so worried-" he says. You nod your head as you turned back around. You were done.

"Why am I so worried? Gabriel I have lost so many people, so many. So yeah, im sorry that I just don't want to lose another. Especially not you. But no, you can't understand that, can you?" You growl back. Gabriel rolled his eyes and went to speak again.

"Don't twist my own words against me-" he starts. You shook your head and pointed in his face.

"No, no you need to listen. You, don't understand how hurt you've made me. How badly, I kept thinking about myself. Thinking that you just didn't love me anymore. So you know what? I'm done. I don't care of you still do, or still don't. I'm done." You snap, shoving him back as you toss the altar over.

Gabriel goes to speak again, panick filling his eyes. But you shake your head.

"No, Gabriel. You've done enough damage." You hiss. "Come find me when you understand how I felt." You say before you cut your hand and start drawing a sigil on the wall.

"Sugar, please, we can talk this out-" he starts, walking towards you just as you finish the sigil and hit against it with your hand, sending him back wherever you'd summoned him.

You felt tears re-emerge from your eyes as you walk out of the building and climb into your car. You turn it back on and start driving down the road, sniffling a bit as you decided that enough was enough. You stopped by another Gas n' Sip and walked up to the pay phone.

You dialed a number in after using the last of the money you'd brought. After a few rings, the line picked up.

"Hey Brad... mind if I cash in that favor?"

[rebelrebelwrites]

Desti—ny: Supernaturally-Sized Reylo Crack

SUMMARY: In which Rey and Ben, massive Supernatural fans, accidentally summon an angel, a demon, and two hunters to their watch party for the final season.

NOTES

For Rowan, aka @midnightbluefox, have this incredibly crazy crack set in the Pacific Northwest, where hunters and demons and angels and Den Headmistresses freely roam, sort of. Happy birthday! @thereylowritingden

(P.S. This is easily the silliest thing I’ve ever written as an adult. Ever.)

“How’re we doing on snacks?”

“Popcorn is popped, pizza and plates are artfully arranged in the kitchen buffet-style, and your candy receptacle is primed for a true chocolate binge.”

Rey glared at her boyfriend.

“It’s a candy jar, Ben.”

“Sure, if a grown woman could squeeze into a jar.”

“That was one time, and I’d eaten that special gummy bear without knowing— ”

“It’s a tub, Rey. A candy tub.”

Rey rolled her eyes and resumed digging through their hamper. The clothes were clean, but they hadn’t gotten around to folding them yet, so her Destiel shirt would be a bit wrinkled.

“I can’t believe we had to do laundry just so you could— ”

Rey whipped around, shirt in hand. It wasn’t as wrinkled as she thought it’d be; success.

“Excuse me? What’s that you’re wearing?”

Ben looked down. He’d crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against their bedroom doorframe; now, he let them dangle at his sides.

“You bought this,” he harrumphed, nodding to his Eat More Pie t-shirt.

She grinned.

“That’s right I did! Now come on, we’ve only got like ten minutes ‘til the premiere starts, and everyone else will be— ”

The shrill, almost metallic sound of their apartment intercom interrupted her.

“They’re here!”

She blew past him, dancing over to their front door. She’d barely turned the knob before it burst open; Finn, Rose, and Poe pouring inside with the energy of three sugar-stuffed children.

“9 minutes and 14 seconds until the new season starts!” crowed Finn.

“Are you actually counting down?” Ben asked from behind Rey. He’d followed her into their living room, hands stuffed into his jean pockets and pie shirt still on. Much as he pretended he wasn’t as invested as the rest of them, the truth was, he was just as big of a fan of Supernatural as Rey and the others, and Rey knew Dean was his favorite character.

“Of course he is,” Rose chirped, sidestepping her boyfriends so she could hand Rey a massive apple pie. Rey weighed it in her hands; the whole thing was almost as wide as she was.

“Holy— ”  

“Yup!” Rose proclaimed proudly, “It’s caramel apple chocolate peanut butter pie with a candied crumble on top. Thank Pinterest.”

“Dean would be proud,” Rey said, grinning. “Ben, will you go put this in the kitchen with the pizza? I’m gonna go grab our, uh, spooky pre-show surprise while everyone settles in.”

Ben nodded, taking the pie from her with one hand. Rose’s eyebrows lifted a little at that, but she held back her giggle till he’d lumbered away.

“Shut it,” said Rey, blushing. Rose giggled again but pranced over to their couch, snuggling in between Finn and Poe.

Rey took the opportunity to slip back to her and Ben’s bedroom to grab it. When she emerged holding the old book above her head, she received mixed reactions: from their spots on the couch, Finn looked intrigued, Rose wary, and Poe confused. Ben just smirked from where he was perched on their threadbare armchair.

“What the hell is that?”

“Rey found this ratty old joke of a b— ”

“It’s a spellbook!” Rey interrupted him. She raised it higher overhead, beaming.

Everyone else burst out laughing.

“It looks like a community theater prop,” Poe sniggered.

“It… really does,” said Finn, wincing. “Sorry, Peanut, but I think you got duped.”

“Hey now, hey now,” Rose interjected, stifling her laughter, “we don’t know that!” She looked up at her best friend. “Where’d you get it?”

Despite her friends’ teasing, Rey’s smile hadn’t slipped even an inch.

“Rowan,” she shot Poe and Finn a look to quell any more laughter, “You know, my Destiel Discord friend.”

“You’re not actually taking any of this seriously, are you?” Poe asked.

“No, of course not,” Rey said hotly, bending to flip the book open on their coffee table, “it’s just for fun. I figured we’d read a couple of silly passages as a joke before we start the new season, that’s all. She sent it to me as a funny gift.”

She glanced up at Ben, who looked surprisingly pensive.

“What?”

He shook his head but said nothing.

“Well, I’m intrigued,” Poe said, pulling the book toward himself. “It’s silly and hilarious and the Winchesters, bless their beautiful hair, would love us for it. I’m in! Shall we?”

“Me too,” agreed Finn, scooting closer (slightly squashing Rose in the process).

“No harm ever came from reading a book,” Rose added, smiling and shrugging. Rey grinned again and sat on the floor on the other side of the coffee table, leaning her elbows on the glass to try and read the thing upside down.

“Well, this is gibberish,” said Finn, squinting at the page.

“Gobbledygook. Come on, Shakespeare, lend us a hand,” called Poe, trying to wave Ben over.

Ben rolled his eyes.

“Please, Ben?” Rey asked, “Your experience lecturing about Mary Shelley to high school kids makes you the most qualified.”

His lips twitched; a suppressed smile.

“You’re the one who speaks engineer.”

“Together, then?” she needled him.

He sighed and flopped down next to Rey. Rose turned the book toward them both, and they each grabbed a side.

“It looks like that weird alien font in Microsoft Word,” Rey said, pressing a finger to the first passage.

“It does,” Ben agreed. “Maybe just… try sounding it out?” He bit the inside of his cheek, then started to try and shape words out of all of the odd vowels. “Zod ee reh doh noh koh ah...”

“...beh rah ma geh nah zod peh sah geh…?” Rey continued, reciting the incantation — or whatever you’d call it — like a question. She couldn’t seem to keep her giggles from infecting the gobbledygook.

Rose laughed next to her, and the boys made a show of looking around the room dramatically as if a demon might pop out at any second. Even Ben chuckled.

“Wait, we should check each other’s eyes,” Rose suggested, still giggling, “you know, make sure everyone has the white in their eyeballs.” At that, she actually snorted a little.

Then, the room shook.

The laughter died.

“Sounds like some kind of construction,” started Poe.

“We didn’t see any when we came in,” countered Finn.

“What do you think that was?” Rose asked Rey, frowning. Rey opened her mouth to reply, but the room rocked again; so hard this time she toppled over into Ben’s lap. His arms immediately circled her.

The shaking didn’t relent; in fact, it just got louder and louder, buzzing in their ears and their eyes, so Rey clamped hers shut, trying to drown it all out, and then—

Silence.

“Where the hell are we?” growled a deep voice.

Rey opened her eyes. In front of her, Rose, Finn, and Poe were all wide-eyed with shock. She whipped her head around to see what they were looking at, Ben still clutching her tight. When she saw who it was, her jaw practically fell to the floor.

The cast of Supernatural was in her living room.

Not the whole cast, but Jensen, Jared, Misha, and Mark. Rey’s insides went squiggly as she took each of them in. How did they…?

She ran the risk of some serious drool with her mouth hanging open this much.

By the looks of it, they were halfway through some sort of scene — Jensen had Mark by his shirt collar, anyway, with Jared looming over his shoulder and Misha hovering, all dressed in their character’s costumes. In her living room.

Behind her, Rose let out a strangled little sigh.

“How in the…?” Ben trailed off. He still hadn’t let go of her, which was probably a good thing, because her legs felt like jelly.

“Where the hell did you take us, Crowley?” Jared asked.

“Don’t look at me, Moose. This is above my pay grade. Talk to the giraffe,” Mark replied, rolling his eyes.

“Are you guys serious?” Ben asked, tone caught somewhere between disbelief, confusion, and utter awe. Slowly, his hold on her loosened.

“Oh— ”

“— my —”

“— god!”

Rey couldn’t tell who’d shrieked what; it could’ve been Rose, Poe or Finn, but it was Finn who barreled on. At least someone could string words together — something she was having trouble with at the moment.

“They’re in the middle of a scene!” Finn insisted. “In your… living room. After appearing magically. Right after you guys read that thing in that book. And the whole apartment felt like it was going to come down.” He eyed Jared, grinning weakly. “We’re big fans.”

Jensen groaned.

“Fans? Damn it, don’t tell me we’re in that alternate universe again!” He rounded on Finn, letting go of Mark. “You know us?”

The room fell deathly silent.

“Holy shit,” Rey finally said, realization sweeping over her in a wave. “Guys. It’s them. It’s Dean. And Sam. And Cas. And Crowley. We actually summoned the real thing!”

“Rey, don’t be silly,” Ben said, “They’re actors. You know Sam and Dean aren’t actually real.”

“You know about hunters?” asked Sam.

“Of course we do!” said Rose, springing to her feet. Even feet away, she looked hilarious compared to his giant frame.

“We’re in that alternate dimension again,” Dean groaned, “Did you do this, Cas? If it wasn’t Boris over there, then this has some serious angel stink all over it.”

“It was not me, you know that, Dean,” Cas said solemnly, eyes shining. Dean practically flinched before turning back to them, and Rey couldn’t help squealing a little.

“Oh my god, oh my god, Destiel is so canon!” she shouted. “You two love each other, don’t you?”

“What?!” asked Dean. The slight absence of the typical gravel in his voice was enough for Rey — that, and how Cas’s face fell.

“It’s complicated,” said Cas, body stiff as a straightjacket in his trench. “Anyway, we can deal with that later; I think I know how they summoned us here.”

“Frankly, I’d like to hear more about whatever Destiel is,” quipped Crowley.

“This is insane,” muttered Poe. Like his boyfriend and girlfriend, his eyes kept trailing Sam, who didn’t seem to know what to do with all of the attention apart from averting his eyes.

“Enough!” said Dean. “Go ahead, Cas.”

“These two,” the angel started, stalking toward Rey and Ben, “Seemed to have accidentally summoned me — through multiple dimensions — with a very ancient, very powerful summoning spell.” He bent down, and before Ben could reach for her, Castiel had snatched the book from where it still lay on the coffee table behind them.

“Not sure how it’s possible that you two somehow deciphered Enochian, but here we are,” he finished.

Rey looked at Ben, and then they both shrugged.

“We’re big fans, too?” Ben offered.

“And good at linguistics,” Rey added.

“Right,” Sam said, “Cas, can you get us out of here?”

“Now that I’ve got this back, yes,” he said, tucking the book under his arm. Rey opened her mouth to protest, but the look he gave her made her reconsider. And think that maybe she’d been wrong about who wore the pants in his obvious relationship with Dean.

“I think I’m chuffed here, thanks,” said Crowley, but Sam clapped a massive hand on his shoulder, forcing him to join him in grabbing onto Cas’s trench coat.

“Sayonara, alternate dimension uh… fans,” said Dean. He grabbed Cas’s wrist, noticed Rey watching him like a hawk, then flinched and glanced at Ben. “I like your shirt.”

And with that, there was a flash blinding, white-blue light, and they were gone. Just like that.

“Rowan is never going to believe this,” Rey murmured, slumping to the floor.

“I’m not sure I do, and I was here for the whole thing,” said Ben, joining her.

“Hey,” said Finn, glancing at his watch, “The premiere started over ten minutes ago. Did anyone remember to DVR it?”

“Oh my god, you’re right,” squeaked Rose, falling back in between Poe and Finn on the couch. Poe made a noncommittal sort of grunt, slinking an arm around her, while Finn did the same on her other side.

“Oops,” said Rey.

Everyone looked at each other before erupting into a fit of giggles.

“Well,” said Ben, reaching for the remote — now that Sam had (presumably) left the building, he had the longest limbs, no doubt — “Least we got a special preview.”

“Worth it,” Rey agreed.

THE END

[yakumtsaki]

I only call you when it's half past five, the only time that I'll be by your side, I only love it when you touch me, not feel me, when I'm fucked up, that's the real me, when I'm fucked up, that's the real me, BABE ♪

Here we fucking go again, desperately trying to make the fuckboi wolf commit to a serious relationship. My plan to turn Komei into a werewolf crashed and burned last generation and Jojo has had the want locked for like 10 years and it just won’t fucking happen. I’ve never had a non-cheaty werewolf in this game, I don’t know how other people do it but I’m having a ridic hard time with it. Victor’s ghost is judging me and who can blame him.

Speaking of, Shajar’s makeover is this wolf shirt, and yes, full shade intended. I still can’t believe she rolled popularity, way to single out your weakest spot and make it your life’s purpose. I mean that would be like Wyatt rolling fam-  ..nevermind.

UGH. Will you pick a fucking attitude and stick with it you furry asshole??? 

What kind of defective cuck wolf even is this. He won’t befriend us but he won’t attack either, he just sits around with his plastic bone playing house. USELESS. I didn’t know it was possible to hate a digital animal this much..

..but here comes Maxx to defy all expectations. Happy birthday Maxx, you look so wholesome and Lassie-like, I’m sure life with you will be like a vacation!

LOL. Is antagonizing Sophie really how you want to start your adult life, Maxx?? Well I guess having eyes is overrated.

SOPHIE WTF. You beat Victor but can’t take on this flop? Where is your holy warrior spirit??

- I’m old af and starting to worry about my eternal soul, so I’m literally turning the other cheek.

Nice, thanks for nothing. God I miss Victor.

Man, Maxx has ISSUES. He doesn’t even have a mean personality or a bad relationship with the cats, why are you like this you freak??

NOOOO not the fucking pet fight club again omg MAXX YOU DICK

Great, amazing job, Goro! The real Goro is rolling in his grave. All this went down in literally under a minute after Maxx grew up, talk about determination. 

-HA, kneel before Zod!

That’s not even from Mortal Kombat, Maxx, god, can you not make this worse than it is?

-Yea like I give a shit, what am I, some kind of fatass nerd cat?? I’m a dog, bitch, I like running..

Omg.

-And playing outside..

OMG.

-And being affectionate to my owners!

STOP. Christ, what kind of monster have I brought into our lives???

-One day in and I’m already the alpha.. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Oh yes, Maxx is.. The best boy. And soon this cat legacy.. will be history.. the Age of Dog.. is finally.. upon us. 

💔💔💔💔💔

Not that we needed further proof that Maxx was given to us straight out of Satan’s unholy womb, but guess who else loves him on top of Cyneswith?? Why, Wyatt, of course, chief of police married to a serial killer, truly the best judge of character the world has ever known. Show me your friends..

..and I’ll show you who you are. UGH DAGMAR

-As a mailwoman I’m programmed to hate your kind, but I feel such a connection between us.. It’s like the universe conspired-

GTFO. Don’t test me, istg I’ll marry you in..

..you actually don’t look half bad compared to what else is out there. Shajar brings Toadface McBooberson here home from school which. why does bigger cleavage clothing even exist for teens and why do I have it, I really need to stop downloading default replacements in the dark. Anyway, hope you’re all ready for the adventure called ‘What is Shajar’s sexual orientation/does she even have one’!

Ugh, this certainly feels familiar. Shajar please, PLEASE fight your Jojo genes, I mean everyone loves Cyneswith, this is shaping up to be Gunter/Jojo volume 2 AND I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT AGAIN

-So, Butterface, my ambition in life is to have my own music theme play whenever I enter a room, like Darth Vader or Mary Poppins-

-Isn’t the sound of people already in the room sighing enough of a theme for you?

-Well it looks like one little frog around here isn’t getting turned into a princess!

Yea, I really don’t know what I expected?? Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.

Speaking of daddy dearest, let’s check in. How’s it going, Jo? Great? Thought so, ok bye-

-DON’T YOU DARE PAN AWAY AND LEAVE ME TO MY MISERY MY ASPIRATION IS SCARLET RED

I’m sorry Jo but I’m a hear no evil, see no evil, spend-legacy-time-on-no-evil type of bitch and your life just bums me out at this point. But if it’s any consolation, it’s all your fault!

-HOW THE HELL IS IT MY FAULT I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS BULLSHIT

Um, YEA YOU DID. This is generation 2, we’re barely middle class and being heir is quite literally a shit job. Of course you could have minimized the impact had you chosen someone else to marry, but you just HAD to have Wyatt Narcolepsy Monif so.. talk to you later?

-Wyatt I’m worried our ship is sinking and no amount of rotting birthday cake can ease the pain.

-Oui, my estomac hurts toό.. Nothing 14 heures of sleepé won’t remédit of coursé :)

-DIDN’T NEED SUCH A GRAPHIC REMINDER THAT LIFE IS GARBAGE

God, wtf more do you want, 15k and still whining-

-OH. Well this just has Wyatt written all over it, but omg he tried to do a household task, just got confused at the very end. Bravo, leaps and bounds!

Meanwhile Shajar is having a successful interaction with a family member!! It’s a toddler who can’t get away, but whatever, it counts. Looks like this is a game-changing night for everyone.

-YES IT REALLY IS.

Jojo how about you take a page out of Komei’s book and devote your leftover energy to cats or cooking contests or banging Marissa Bendett instead of this constant, obnoxious guilt-tripping?? Man I really didn’t appreciate Komei while I had him.

7 a.m., the usual morning lineup, start on the chores and sweep 'till the floor's all clean, polish and wax, do laundry, and mop and shine up, sweep again, and by then it's like 7:15,  

and so I'll read a book, or maybe two or three, I'll add a few new paintings to my gallery, I'll play guitar and knit, and cook and basically-

-just wonder when will my life begin? ♪

And of course that’s Victor making his nightly appearance and helping put Jojo out of his misery. What a sweetheart!

With the addition of Wulf and his 10 active points generation 3 has officially evolved past sleep, we’re talking 10/10/9 (Shajar you lazy bum) and it’s seriously exhausting. You know how when sims are asleep you can check your phone or eat smth or w/e, yea that’s simply not happening anymore, I’m in constant vigilance all night long..

..and thank god because otherwise I would have missed Allegra and Victor’s ghosts playing??? WTF MAXIS. I’ve never seen this before and it’s the rare combo of sad and adorable. Right in the feels ❤️💔

THAT WASN’T AN INVITATION TO EXPRESS YOUR SADNESS FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME JOJO

Oh “ok” it’s a cockroaches related freak-out. I don’t see anyone else crying over them but that’s Jojo for you. Exterminator bro if you’re that grossed out by a pile of dead insects I have some bad news for you regarding your profession. And while we’re on the topic of professions and crying:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You may recall that Wyatt has been one promotion away from his LTW for about 150 years and all we’ve been doing since is trying to amass the 8 friends needed for it. Welp, we finally got them through our blood, sweat and tears, so what does Wyatt do the day he was supposed to get promoted?? Get fired of course, what else! 

Honestly I’m not even mad, this truly is like the culmination of everything we know Wyatt to be. I mean just cast your minds back to the final moments of this post. We knew what we were getting into. Rock on, Wyatt!

-Nό, there is no disgracéd police capitaine in this maison! Quelle?? I’m not even Français! Et toi shouldn’t be calling personnes at 5 p.m when everyόné is sound asleép!

Time for the black sheep to get the full Kylo Ren treatment. Looking good, Shaj! Now let’s put that hot makeover to use-

-NO.

Here we go, HUMAN contact. Toadface was a bust so let’s try a dude. Shajar do you mind talking about something other than your dead pets??

-But I don’t want to talk about anything else!

Yea and I don’t want to overstate things but I’m getting the distinct feeling finding you a partner is gonna make Daniel’s run at it look like Californication.

Well, the data we’ve gathered so far points to Shajar being a noogiesexual, I’m sure somewhere on tumblr there already exists a pride flag for it. 

That’s right, mop up the dog piss from that grass and think about the face you present to the world.

HOW IS YOUR ASPIRATION GONE TO SHIT AGAIN. WTF ARE YOU DOING WHEN I’M NOT LOOKING, GOING AROUND FACING YOUR FEARS?? JFC

-I have a perma fear of leading the miserable life I’m trapped in.

-Oh look, my kid is potty trainted and I get 5k points.. I’m soooo happy... Definitely don’t miss my serial killer days...

Ok I can’t take this anymore, either Wyatt will have to take up more household duties..

..or we can aim for something within the realm of reality and build a robot servant instead. And if you’re thinkering you’re not whining! Everyone wins.

In the dead of the night, a time when only 12 year old children are awake and watching god knows what-

-Game of Thrones! Team Stark!

Ugh, of course you are-

-Wulf grows up! 

-Woo happy birthday Wulf! Don’t even try to come for my golden child crown, I’m as perfect as my grades.

I don’t like what Game of Thrones is doing to you, Cyn.

First thing Wulf does after his pj makeover is head for the keyboard, which makes the choice for his general makeover clear as day:

Wulf...Wolf...WOLFGANG. I mean, some things are just written in the stars..

..AND SOME THINGS AREN’T, in this case Shajar’s dating life. We get another Butterface McBooberson (wtf is it with this dress in this town) but this one is also sporting terrible hair as a bonus. Score!

Great, we’ve moved from music themes to dead pets to world domination. At least we’re committing to the Kylo persona. Butter 2.0 is into it?? Get a grip girl.

-Um why do you think I have this last century hair? I’m very into monarchy.

This is not only going non-disastrously but dare I say, well?? I can’t tell if I want it to work or not though, on one hand I’ve made my feelings about this face template abundantly clear.. on the other hand this is the first human (except her 10 nice point sister) to like Shaj.. 

..thankfully it looks like there’s no need to solve that dilemma after all. Btw at the time of this writing I literally still don’t know if Shajar is into girls or dudes, or both. No reaction to anyone whatsoever. 

Meanwhile even after the noogie Butter is super receptive and doesn’t hate us? I was as shocked as you are, if we were rich I’d think she has some ulterior motive but nop, it’s just low standards. God bless them-

-cause we made our first friend!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank the fucking lord Shajar’s LTW isn’t friend related, take a wild guess what it is instead.. And of course, the answer is ‘become Mayor’. I can just see the banner now: ‘vote Shajar Union or face the deadly consequences’.

-Ahh my dear, finally, no screaming toddlers ruining my life while you pretend you can’t hear them.. Now I can slowly start un-resenting you.. Maybe there’s hope for this marriage after all..

Not if Cyneswith has anything to do with it! After spending her entire childhood cockblocking by sleeping in her parents’ bed, she literally grew up just as they were about to woohoo for the first time in 10 years. how in character. Wanna know what isn’t in character??? Hold on to your seats, everyone..

............

....................................

..............................................

OK THEN. Much like Wolfgang there is but one appropriate look for the above:

Did anyone think fucking Lolita Cyneswith was remotely possible, let alone probable?? ROMANCE?? And into the elderly???? I thought that combo was bad enough, I mean then you bring in the tinkering factor on top of it and it’s like, Waylon Fairchild and college profs won’t know what hit them.. How naive I was. Things can always, always get worse, and in this family, they usually do. You can probably tell where I’m going with this.. Fast forward a few days and the LTW shows up..

..........................................yup. You know it’s been months and you’d think I’d have articulated a response by now that isn’t just screaming or miscellaneous incoherent sounds, and yet! what can I say, sometimes emotions are so powerful that words fail us. In lieu of a written reaction please listen to this song after the specified time stamp. It’s 3 minutes long and the only lyric is ‘oh no’.

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “The Shape of Water”

Hoooo... my body is ready....

*scats along with the FOX theme*

“A Double Dare You Production.”  Del Toro created a slight breach of ettiquette by skipping the single dare and going right for the throat!

Oh this music is so pretty!

That’s it.  I’m downloading the OST like right now

“A Guillermo Del Toro film”  Wooooo!!

They made this movie with only a $19.5 million budget and holy crap it looks amazing

DOUG JONES!!!

I would love to live in Eliza’s apartment, oh my gosh...

WAIT, IS THAT “THE TEN COMMANDMENTS” ?!?

OK, there’s a timer... oh my Gooodd no way...

I mean, at least they address it in not a negative manner.  You do you.

DO YOU EVER JUST DIE INSIDE AFTER SAYING A THING?!?

“Time is but a flowing river to our past.”

I like how roomy and kinda cozy Eliza’s apartment is.

The dude [Giles] has two different sets of glasses...

Shirley Temple!

*Eliza starts tap-dancing in the hall*  Oh my gosh I love this movie already

Boy, there is only one “s” in “Mardi Gras.”  Do you not know French?

I love how much green there is in this movie.

These sets are great

This movie just used the term “What in the Sam Hill.”  That’s awesome.

Michael Shannon!

*in best Zod voice*  I WILL FIND HIM!

Did they use whale noises for the Asset?

All the old cars!  All of them!

Wait, is the Richard Jenkins character crushing on the cashier at the pie place?  Oh my gosh, that’s cute.

What’s so wrong with the key lime pie?  Personally, I don’t like pie myself but was there a reason it kinda looked off?

Ginger Rogers?

That horse suit looks horrifying

The colors in this movie are great.  I love when movies are color-coordinated.

It’s like del Toro’s been reading my movie wish list.

That’s an odd looking soap dispenser.

Why is Strickland peeing right in front of them?

“A man washes his hands before or after tending to his needs.  That tells you a lot about that man.  He does it both times?  Points to a weakness of character.”  That’s some insane troll logic

“Short people are mean.”  To quote my sister “Well we are closer to Satan”

Is that... Strickland...

WHAAAA DID HE LOSE HIS FINGERS?!?!?

Oh my God, there’s so much blood!

ARE THOSE FINGERS?!?!?  OH MY GODDDDDD

AAAAAHHHH!!!

If everyone’s being so secretive about the Asset, why did they leave him in a tank out in the open for Eliza and Octavia to see?

“It’s not bad, isn’t it, for being shit.”  LITERALLY MY MENTALITY WHEN IT COMES TO DOING ART

THIS MOVIE IS SPEAKING TO MY SOUL OH MY GOD

“That’s the future now:  green.”  Soylent Green?

The prosthetics on @actordougjones look freaking awesome

Did the Asset just fold some of its fins back to look more human to Eliza?

*signs along with Eliza when she says she’s cleaning*

DID THEY SEW HIS FINGERS BACK ONTO HIS HAND?!?!?  OH MY GOD NO WHY?!?!?

“All those scars on your neck...”  They look like gills...

Michael Shannon’s American accent is actually really good, I gotta say.

*The Asset signs “egg”*  Oh my gosh....  :D

Oh my gosh, all the yellow!

Everyone in Strickland’s family is super gravitated toward Strickland and it’s super uncomfortable

Noooooo....... NOOOOOOOOOOO.....

Oh thank God, the scene’s over

Aaahh, he [the Asset] just said hello!

:D

They’re eating lunch together... this is unbelievably cute...

*uncontrollable smiling*

Oooohhh wipe transition!

Wait, is that Russian?

Yellow!  Yellow again!

Why are the Russians interested in the Asset?

So is Eliza always late to her job because she has to spend time with Rosie Palms?  Now that’s commitment.

Shoot, the egg!

Oh crap, it’s Strickland!

*flinches when the Asset gets electrocuted*

Wait, so the Americans want to use the Asset to win the Space Race against the Russians?

Why do I recognize the guy who plays General Hoyt?

Oh, Dmitri....

I really gotta applaud Sally Hawkins here.  She’s freaking fantastic in this movie.

“When he looks at me, he doesn’t know what I lack... or how I am incomplete.  He just sees me for what I am, as I am.  And he is happy to see me, every time.”  That bit of dialogue is amazing.

Oh crap, it’s not key lime pie.  Something’s up.

Oh, the cashier’s both a racist and a homophobe.  He no good to anybody.

Oh, that’s a nice Cadillac...

I like how they made all the cars look super shiny in this movie

*jams out to “Chica Chica Boom Chic”*

Are those pain pills?

“I [Strickland] keep thinking about you [Eliza].”  EEUUUGGGHHH NOO!!

God, what a despicable character [Strickland]

There’s a poster that says “Loose Lips Might Sink Ships” in the locker room

Strickland’s reading a book called “The Power of Positive Thinking”

Is Dmitri gonna help them out?  Yay!

Richard Jenkins freaking out over the Asset is totally me

Ahhhh, not the Cadillac!

The dude at the Cadillac dealership called Strickland a “man of the future” and his Cadillac- the sign of the future- was just destroyed.  I see what you did there, del Toro.

It’s probably just me, but I can tell it’s definitely Doug Jones in the fish suit.

He just has these really meticulous hand movements and the way he kinda tilts his head to look at things is also a give away

Aaawwww, she got him [the Asset] a card!!!!

What does “MP” stand for?

I like that all the drawings of the Asset are done in charcoal when all of Richard Jenkins’ other art pieces are done in color.

How come no one is commenting on how smelly Strickland’s hands at this point?  They sewed the dude’s fingers back on and they already establish that his hygiene isn’t stellar so shouldn’t he be suffering necrosis there already?

SHE TOLD HIM “EFF YOU” IN ASL!  I AM LIVING!

*The Asset finds Giles’ charcoal drawings of him*  That’s it.  You convinced me, movie.  I gotta do some art for this.

Is that Mr. Ed?

Yes.  Yes it is.

DON’T EAT THE CAT!  DON’T EAT THE CAT!

HE ATE THE CAAAT!!!

Crap crap craaaaaappp!!

Wait, the dude that plays Dmitri is also in Doctor Strange!

That movie’s gotta be “The Ten Commandments”

Oh this whistling music!

HE’S PLAYING WITH THE CATS!  OH MY GOD!

LET HIM PLAY WITH THE KITTIES!

What?  He’s glow in the dark?

What is he [Strickland] eating?

Oh my God is this it?

OH THEY CUT?!?

“Why you [Eliza] smiling, hon?”  Cause she went and got it

*Eliza tells Zelda that the Asset has a junk*   AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

OH MY GOD I’M SCREAMING!

ZELDA’S FACE OH MY GOD!

Ooh, is that marble cake?

Let the man enjoy his cake!

Is that Gilligan’s Island?  Nope, nevermind.

YELLOW!

*Strickland tries sniffing his fingers*  OHHHH, WHO CALLED THE NECROSIS?!?

That’s right, me about fifteen bullet points ago!

AAAAAAGGGGHHH!!!

Noooo they’re flooding the bathroom to do it!

They’re gonna be flooding the theater below!

Oh snap, he [Giles] has hair!

They gonna do it underwater?!?

BOY [Giles] NO DON’T GO IN THERE!

Close the door!  Thank you!

It’s raining....

Strickland’s secretary must be putting up with the mightiest of bullshits from him

This movie really likes to foreshadow Strickland dying at the end of this movie

YO HIS [Strickland’s] FINGERS ARE BLACK!  YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD SITUATION, DUDE!

Why did they sew his fingers back on in the first place?!?

“Life is but the shipwreck of our plans.”

Awwww, he [the Asset] smiled at her!

TELL HIM [the Asset] YOU [Eliza] LOVE HIM!

*jaw utterly drops during the dream dance sequence*

Please tell me somewhere in the production notes, they said “OK Doug, you gotta be able to dance in the fish suit.  Now go!”

My sister:  Definitely an improvement on *in best Guillermo del Toro voice*  “‘Happy birthday, Doug!  We’re gonna string you up by your balls!’“

*claps hands after every word*  THAT IS HOW YOU DREAM SEQUENCE!!

Uggghhhh, that was so good!

PUT HIM [the Asset] BACK IN THE WATER!

The sound design for this movie is really good too.  Like holy crap.

*imitates Michael Shannon saying “Shut up”*

*beat boxes to the windshield wipers*

Wait, did they [the Russian agents] just shoot Dmitri?!?

*Strickland comes to the rescue strangely*  Oh wow, OK.. oh my Goddd!

*Strickland sticks his finger through the bullet wound in Dmitri’s cheek*  AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!

OK, Michael Shannon needs to play villains like this.  Pronto.

*actually screams* OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GODDD!

Did he [Strickland] just leave his fingers on the floor of Zelda’s house?!?

*Giles and the Asset say goodbye*  Aaawww....

*You and me together*   Ohhhhhh my Goddd!!!

*Strickland shoots Eliza*  NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Boy [the Asset], get back up!

Whoooo, go Giles!

Whaaaaattt?!?!?

*The Asset slits Strickland’s throat*  Whoooooooo!!!!

Oh, wait, this is the scene with the shot!

[The Asset kisses Eliza]  *softly* Damn....

Oh my gosh, that hug!

[slowly melts to the floor] *softly, with feeling*  That was such a good movie!

[lopithecusfanfiction]

The End of the Star: Chapter Two

Author: Lopithecus Pairing: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3055 Alternate: AO3, fanfiction.net Author's Note: N/A

Chapter Two:

Bruce is left in the room alone for what seems like hours. He paces, lies down after checking the bed for anything that could possibly harm him, and stares out the window in awe at the view. He has to admit; it is pretty beautiful. From what he can tell, the sun is starting to set. However, the sunset doesn’t look like anything he’s ever seen on Earth. Instead, the red of the sky just intensifies to the most magnificent scarlet Bruce has ever seen. It’s stunning.

When there is finally another knock on his door, he almost expects it to be Kal coming back, crying over the fact that he was wrong about his father. Instead it’s one of the Kryptonians from earlier, the one in green. He takes Bruce by the elbow, after handcuffing his hands together, and leads him out of the room. Bruce doesn’t struggle as they walk. It wouldn’t be worth it anyway considering he has nowhere to go.

Eventually they enter into a large room that has a complicated structure of pillars and symbols. There are also holograms. Bruce never thought he would live to see such a thing. It takes all his effort to not say “wow” out loud and act like an excited kid on Christmas. He has just been kidnapped to an alien world, he really shouldn’t be excited about it.

Another door opens and when Bruce looks, in walks Lex with the Kryptonian wearing red. Lex is also dressed in a white gown, with frills along the seams and arms, hands cuffed like Bruce. “Brucie? So you’re here too?”

“Lexie, what a great pleasure to see you,” Bruce answers with one of his famous Brucie smiles. “Lexie, can you please tell me what kind of party this is? It’s very strange.”

Lex rolls his eyes and Bruce smirks internally at his success at annoying the billionaire. “Brucie, this isn’t a party. We’ve been kidnapped by aliens.”

“Kinky.” Lex groans at Bruce’s response. “So this is some kind of roleplay?” Bruce continues, because if he’s going to be held hostage, he’s going to at least have a little fun. “Are we going to have a foursome? I’ve never done one of those before. Three yeah, but four? Never. It could be fun.”

By now Lex is pinching the bridge of his nose. “Would you shut up? This is serious.”

“Oh, sorry Lexie, I don’t do serious sex.” Another groan escapes Lex’s mouth before finally a door at the far side of the room opens.

When Bruce looks, he sees the man in black from the abduction. He’s surprised, however, when he sees Kal walk in behind him. A woman in a black, skin tight outfit but with red fabric draping at her shoulder in front and back, accompanies the younger man. Kal immediately catches his eyes, but then quickly looks away. Bruce narrows his eyes in suspicion. Was Kal playing him earlier, and really did know why he was here?

The man in black approaches Bruce and Lex, while Kal and the woman stand in the distance. He addresses both men. “Hello, it is very nice to meet you again.” Neither he nor Lex say a word. “My name is Jor-El. The two standing next to you are General Zod and Lieutenant Nam-Ek.”  The one in green, Nam-Ek, grunts and the one in red, Zod, scowls. Jor-El then points to where Kal and the woman are standing. “Bruce Wayne, you’ve already met my son, Kal-El. I hope he didn’t bother you. He had strict orders to not enter any of your rooms. His curiosity about humans got the better of him.” Bruce sees Kal’s cheeks turn red as he avoids eye contact. “That is my wife, Lara.” Lara gives them both a small smile.

Bruce turns back to Jor-El. “What are we doing here?”

“Yes, I was getting to that.” Jor-El paces around them as he explains. “I had meant to acquire the both of you with your permission. Unfortunately, my plan didn’t quite work out like that. I didn’t want to take you against your will, or have you restrained. Even now I see they have you cuffed, which I had given instructions not to do.” He shakes his head and approaches Bruce. Jor-El gives Bruce a small nod then turns to Nam-Ek. Jor-El speaks a word in his native tongue. At Bruce’s raised eyebrow, he clarifies with a single word “Key.” Nam-Ek grunts again but hands the key over. Jor-El then unlocks the handcuffs. “Unfortunately” the Kryptonian continues, walking to Lex and releasing the Metropolitan “General Zod didn’t think it was wise to have you unrestrained. The guards at the door of your rooms were also his idea.”

“You haven’t answered my question,” Bruce prompts, not really caring what was or wasn’t listened to. “What are we doing here? Is my family okay?”

“Don’t worry Bruce Wayne, your family is perfectly fine. The gas we used on them was only designed to knock people out, not kill them. They should have woken up about an hour in Earth time, after the gas was administered.” Bruce sighs a breath of relief knowing Alfred, Dick, and Jason are all right. “Now, as to what you are doing here.” Jor-El goes and stands in front of them again, facing them. “I want you to help me save Krypton, my home.”

Bruce and Lex stare at Jor-El in astonished bewilderment. Save Krypton? Save it from what? “What are you talking about?” Lex asks, beating Bruce to the punch.

“Krypton is dying,” Jor-El responds and Bruce looks over at Kal to try and see his reaction. Except he doesn’t have one, which means he already knew about his planet dying. “The core is unstable.”

Lex scoffs. “And you expect us, humans, to help you? What in the world are we supposed to do? We know nothing about your planet.”

“Yes.” Jor-El nods. “You are humans and I am hoping that fact will grant us a new perspective on things. Maybe as humans, you will see something that us Kryptonians have missed. As for knowing nothing about Krypton, I have that covered. Being delivered to your rooms, is a packet of information for you to read about Krypton. You’ll have one Kryptonian day, the equivalent of 27 Earth hours, to assimilate this information. Commencing on the following day, you will begin helping me find a solution that will save Krypton. Tonight you will rest, with food that will be brought to your room.”

“Wait a minute,” Lex says. “Tell me, why us?”

“Because you two are two of the smartest people on Earth.”

Lex snorts, beginning to laugh and point at Bruce. “Brucie? Smart? I think you’ve made a mistake. Brucie here is as dumb as a rock.

Jor-El looks highly unamused and Bruce rolls his eyes. Bruce, ignoring what Lex just said, says, “But why me? I may be intelligent, I'll give you that, but I'm not arrogant enough to think there aren't people on this planet, or Earth, who are smarter than me.”

“Because you two were the ones that were calculated by Brainiac to be the most likely able to find a solution.”

Bruce wants to tell Jor-El that he has it wrong, but he’s too horrified to discover he was calculated to be on par with Lex Luthor. With Lex’s reputation of screwing things up, and his plans never succeeding despite being more intelligent, Bruce really doesn’t like the fact that he is seen as being at the same level. It’s insulting really.

“You people are crazy,” Lex mumbles but Jor-El pays him no attention.

“Now, Lieutenant Nam-Ek and General Zod will escort you back to your rooms.” Jor-El turns and beckons his family to follow. Kal looks back at Bruce, wide-eyed and curious. Bruce quickly looks away and follows Nam-Ek out.

He is escorted back to his room quickly and locked inside once he enters. Bruce sighs, not really believing the situation he’s found himself in. There’s no way he’ll be getting off this planet, and back to Earth, without at least understanding how to fly their spaceships. So he presumes he will just have to play along for the time being, until he does somehow learn. Except, he’s not exactly sure how he is going to do that in first place.

When Bruce approaches the bed, sure enough there is a packet on top of it labeled Krypton. Bruce sits down on the edge of the bed and opens the packet. He wouldn’t be surprised if Lex has even done that so far, and only set the thing aside. Maybe Lex has tossed it away in frustration, or defiance. Bruce, on the other hand, flips through it. He’s trying to gauge what he is going to be reading and learning about. Thankfully the Kryptonians had the decency to translate the book into English, even if it is a bit choppy in some sections.

He’s skimmed halfway through the information when there is a knock at his door. Bruce looks up and waits for whoever knocked to come in, like previously. Only no one does, and instead, there is another knock. Bruce raises an eyebrow, calling out “Come in?”

In walks Kal, sheepish smile on his face. “Ehrosh :bem.”

“Eh…rosh :bem?”

“Oh, sorry, mean hello.”

“…Hello.”

Kal bites his bottom lip and then hesitantly shuts the door. “May sit?” Bruce looks at the spot next to him on the bed and feels a bit uncomfortable. He doesn’t know anything about Kryptonians and isn’t sure if he should allow one to get so close to him. He nods anyway. Being nice and getting on the good side of one, might work in Bruce’s favor, for the future and for getting off this planet. Kal walks up, sitting next to him and eyeing the packet. “Think save Krypton?”

Bruce peels his eyes away from Kal’s and back to the packet. Were his eyes that blue before? “I…” He glances at Kal again. He looks hopeful with his eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. “I don’t know, Kal,” he says, instead of the truth of no, he can’t. Still, Kal deflates a little, a frown forming on his face. “But Lex is smarter than I am so maybe he’ll be able to.”

“Think so?”

He doesn’t think that at all. Lex might be smarter than Bruce, but his plans never work and besides, Lex knows just as much about geology as Bruce does, and that’s zero. “I do.”

Kal brightens and Bruce is glad that his smile is back. After all, Kal wasn’t the one who kidnapped him. He just happens to be the son of the one that did. None of this is his fault. “Hope so.”

Bruce nods, flipping to another page. “Kal? If Krypton is dying, how come you all don’t just go to another uninhabited planet and live there? Or terraform another uninhabited planet if you really have to?”

It takes Kal a few seconds to work through what Bruce said and actually understand. Bruce watches as the confusion on Kal’s face slowly morphs into understanding. “Billions Kryptonians live here, Bruce. Krypton our home. Not all people want leave and even if do want leave, not all can afford.”

Bruce nods in his own understanding. “So you have socio-economic classes here too.”

Kal gives him a small smile. “Think everywhere does.”

“Then next question.” Kal tilts his head, prompting him to ask. “If Lex and I can’t figure out how to save Krypton, you do have an evacuation plan, right?”

Kal’s face turns into sudden sadness, taking Bruce by surprise. Kal shakes his head. “Mehl not believe Ukr.”

“And Mehl and Ukr are?”

Kal’s cheeks turn red. “Sorry, keep forget. I mean council and father. Council not believe Father when tell Krypton dying. No escape, uh, mean evacuation. Ukr run against time.”

“Why don’t they believe him?” Bruce questions. He can’t believe anyone wouldn’t take the word of someone regarding something so serious.

“Mehl think Ukr crazy.”

Bruce studies Kal and then asks, “Is Krypton really dying, or is the council right, and your father is crazy?”

Hurt flashes over Kal’s face but he answers anyway. “Ukr not crazy. Krypton dying. That why you need save.”

“Kal, I don’t know if I can.”

“Try. Please. This my planet. Need save.”

Bruce sighs, seeing the desperation in Kal’s eyes. Bruce still isn’t convinced that he will be able to do anything but he can’t let Kal know that. Not when Kal’s looking at him that way. “I’ll try Kal.” Bruce closes the packet and rubs at his eyes tiredly. It’s been a long day, at least in Earth time. He doesn’t even know how long it’s been on Krypton. Bruce sets the packet beside him and rubs his hand down his side, feeling the soft, silky smoothness of the gown. He turns back to Kal and sees the Kryptonian has been watching him. Bruce clears his throat awkwardly. “Uh, so why the gown?” He runs his hands over the fabric once more, feeling how the fabric bunches at the knees. The gathers make the gown look like two pieces, as if he is wearing a shirt with a formal kind of skirt.

Kal brightens immediately. “That formal guest gown.”

“So all guests wear this? That’s why Lex is wearing one too, correct?” Kal nods enthusiastically. “And gender doesn’t matter it seems.”

Kal’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “What gender have do with?”

“Back on Earth, clothes are normally for either men or women. Granted some men wear women’s clothing, and a lot of women wear men’s clothing, but those aren’t the designated genders for those articles of clothes.”

This time Kal’s head tilts, eyebrows furrowing more. “You assign genders to clothes? That weird.”

Bruce can’t help but chuckle. “It is, but that’s human culture.” He looks down at himself. “Have to admit, this is the first time I’ve ever worn anything like this. And don’t think I haven’t noticed I’m not wearing any boxers anymore.”

Kal’s eyes widen and he brings a hand up to his mouth. “Boxers?” Kal sounds almost horrified, as if he actually thinks Bruce wears living, human boxers.

Bruce chuckles more. “No, that’s what we call a kind of underwear.”

“Un... underwear?” Kal sounds even more confused, which only serves to amuse Bruce more. “I very confused. Why wear athletes under clothing?” Bruce bursts into laughter, bending over in half and holding his side. He hasn’t been this entertained in a long time, and he certainly hasn’t laughed this hard. He really doesn’t even know why he finds Kal’s confusion so funny. “Why laugh?”

Bruce takes a deep, calming breath. “I’m sorry, Kal, but you not understanding what I was talking about was very amusing.”

“I not understand.”

Bruce waves it off. “It doesn’t matter.” He takes one last calming breath, before finally clarifying. “Underwear is clothing that us humans wear under our outer clothing.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, we just do.” Bruce stores away the information that Kryptonians seem to not wear any kind of underwear. “Anyway, boxers aren’t actual people. They are just what we call a particular kind of underwear. They’re really called boxer shorts but everyone just calls them boxers.”

Kal shakes his head. “You make no sense.”

Bruce chuckles, not being able to help himself. “Yeah, well your culture isn’t any easier for me to understand.” Kal smiles and laughs while Bruce watches.

Kal is cute. At least in an adorable, puppy dog way. And handsome, Bruce notices, with eyes the color of blue sapphire. Bruce has never seen such blue eyes before and he’s almost mesmerized by them. Kal’s teeth are white and perfectly straight. Black hair, darker than his own, curled over his forehead, delighting Bruce. Bruce has a sudden urge to run his fingers through Kal’s curls in order to feel how soft they are, but he resists by squeezing his hands into fists. Looking at Kal’s body doesn’t help with Bruce’s need to touch either. The outfit Kal is wearing is skin tight and though the cape hides most of his front, Bruce’s imagination still runs wild. Bruce would bet, with how much muscle Kal seems to have, that if Kal wasn’t wearing the suit, he would look like a Greek god. Bruce swallows.

“Both strange to each other,” Kal says, still smiling. He then gently pokes Bruce in the chest. “You fun.”

“Fun?” Bruce questions teasingly. “I don’t know how you can determine that when we’ve just met. You know nothing about me.”

Kal shrugs. “You not know things entertain.”

“I’m entertaining when I’m confused?” Kal nods and Bruce chuckles again. “Okay. I’m sure it can get frustrating though.”

Kal shakes his head and points at himself. “My English frustrating.”

Bruce wants to correct him and say that his broken English is actually kind of cute. When did he start thinking that? Instead he says, “It’s not that frustrating. As long as I can understand what you’re talking about.”

Kal opens his mouth to speak, but suddenly the door to the room slams open. Both Kal and Bruce stand immediately, facing the door. Jor-El is there, not looking happy. The Kryptonian takes a few steps towards them, eyes directly on Kal. “Kal-El.”

Kal looks at the floor, a guilty expression on his face. “Ukr.”

Jor-El speaks in Kryptonian furiously and Kal responds, sounding annoyed. Jor-El takes another step towards them, looking like he’s getting angrier. Then speaks again and Kal looks away in annoyance. Jor-El points to the door to the bedroom. “Awuhkh.” Kal’s arms cross. “Ugem!” Kal huffs then leaves the room, glaring at Jor-El the whole time. Bruce squirms, feeling like he was just caught in the middle of an argument. Jor-El looks at him, narrowing eyes that resemble Kal’s. “You will join us for dinner tonight,” Jor-El says, before turning and leaving the room.

Bruce feels dazed, not really knowing what just occurred. Obviously Kal got in trouble, but he has no idea what exactly for. Maybe he’ll have an opportunity to ask later. For now, he better prepare himself for this dinner that Jor-El said he was going to be joining. He wonders what kind of mystery meal he’ll be getting, and really hopes it’s nothing too disgusting.

A/N: Thanks for reading!