#so cool that all the guys are gonna take part
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I’ve been sitting with this for a couple days because I want to respond (hopefully) thoughtfully. And on the one hand, it’s a really good point and I can see how all the “I hate men” stuff could wear on the guys who AREN’T, you know, raging assholes. But on the other hand, my forty years of lived experience is pushing back on that. Long-winded rant under the cut.
I have a fair amount of men in my life by choice- family, friends, boyfriend. The ones I choose to spend time with are, by and large, really good guys. They’ve also heard more than their fair share of my own “I hate men” rants, and to their credit they’ve never been upset about it. They know I don’t mean them because my words and actions back it up, and they understand where I’m coming from because they hear the stories accompanying said rants and generally agree with my assessment.
All this to say, as much as I sympathize with the good guys who have to listen to the “I hate men” rants, I also very much don’t, because they have arguably more power to help shift that narrative than I do. The shitty men of the world do not care that people think they’re shitty, they are not changed by reason or logic. Men who, for example, sexually harass women don’t (generally) hear the many, many stories from women’s perspectives and have a lightbulb moment where they realize how wrong they’ve been. They will likely never be Ebenezer Scrooge throwing open the windows to wish the town poors a merry Christmas. But maybe, just maybe, if enough of the good guys start speaking up to call them on their behavior, that might have even a small effect on them.
“It shouldn’t be our responsibility” well no shit, grown adults shouldn’t need to be spoon fed basic human decency, but here we are. Women telling men how much we hate being catcalled doesn’t seem to be fucking working, so if the good guys aren’t willing to try telling them, then I’m out of ideas that aren’t along the lines of Goodbye Earl.
One last thing, this is getting away from me. I work a public service job, and it involves a fair amount of face time with people needing help finding things and using stuff like printers. I’m always polite and reasonably friendly, but it’s never anything beyond professionally kind. Even at that, it’s more than half of my interactions with men that leave me feeling uncomfortable. I’ve had men try to take my hand, I’ve had men ask if I’m single thirty seconds into me walking to their computer to help, I’ve had men stand right behind my chair while I’m looking something up. “Why don’t you just say something to them?” Because I’m not trying to get assaulted or shouted at, I’m trying to make it to the end of my shift and go home. It’s extremely well documented that a lot of men don’t handle rejection well, which ends with a lot of women getting assaulted or worse. And the thing about THAT is, you never know which men are gonna be the ones to lose their cool. So you just hedge your bets and tread carefully with everyone in case.
SO. What this very long-winded rant is saying, is that a lot of women encounter a lot of shitty men, and it sucks absolute donkey dick to deal with. If the good guys out there want to stop hearing about how terrible men are, they need to step the fuck up and help, because women are exhausted. The other, smaller, part that they might not like is that it’s not our job to constantly reassure them that I don’t include them when I say “I hate men”. If I’m spending time with you, and trusting you with these stories or complaining or whatever, then go ahead and take it on faith that I don’t mean you.
Maybe I’m alone in feeling this way, I don’t know. Just needed to get this out there.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
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And then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you.
part 5 of 12
Synopsis: Morning confrontations bring afternoon coffee showers? Dealing with the aftermath of the bonfire
Pairing: unrequited JJ x Reader, Eventual Rafe x Reader
Warnings: luke being a shitty dad
masterlist
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The morning sun filtered through the wide-open windows of the Chateau, casting lazy golden beams over the worn but welcoming space. Y/N had woken up early, unable to sleep much after the emotional rollercoaster of the previous night. The sound of waves crashing against the shore was distant but soothing, a sharp contrast to the unease she still felt in the pit of her stomach.
She had wandered into the living room of the Chateau, the place the Pogues often gathered, now quiet after the chaos of the bonfire. The remnants of last night's party—the beer cans, half-empty bottles, and scattered towels—were strewn across the floor, evidence of the good times they’d shared. But the joy from last night felt distant now.
Y/N settled into one of the couches, looking out at the ocean. She was lost in her thoughts when she heard the soft creak of footsteps behind her. Turning, she saw Kiara walking in, wearing her usual calm expression, though Y/N could tell her friend had already sensed something was off.
“Hey,” Kiara said gently, taking a seat beside Y/N. She looked out at the water, then back at her. “You alright?”
Y/N hesitated, unsure how to start. She had been so caught up in her emotions last night, trying to laugh it off, but now, in the quiet aftermath, the weight of it all was harder to ignore. She bit her lip, looking down at her hands.
“I just… I don’t know,” Y/N started, her voice quieter than she intended. “Last night, the way they all were talking… I mean, it’s nothing new, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Kiara’s expression softened. “The jokes about you not hooking up with anyone?”
Y/N nodded. “Yeah. It’s like, they don’t see me as a girl at all. Just one of the guys. And I know I’ve always been… the bookworm, or whatever, but it’s different now. I don’t know why, but it just hurt last night. I wanted to be seen, you know? I’m not just ‘one of you.’”
Kiara let out a sigh, clearly understanding the struggle Y/N was dealing with. “You’ve always been one of us, Y/N. The Pogues, we’re a family. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be treated like more than just the ‘girl version’ of one of the guys. You’re allowed to feel that way.”
Y/N turned to Kiara, her eyes searching for reassurance. “But why does it feel like I’m always in the background? Like no one really notices me for who I am, just… who I’ve always been to them.”
Kiara gave her a small, knowing smile. “Because it’s easier to see you as the bookworm, the one who’s always steady and reliable. It’s easier than admitting that you might want something more. But you deserve that, Y/N. More than anyone else.”
Just as Y/N was about to respond, the door to JJ's honorary bedroom opened, and JJ walked in, his hair still messy from the night before, his signature carefree grin on his face. He paused for a moment when he saw them, then sauntered over to the couch, plopping down beside Kiara with a playful look.
“Good morning, ladies,” JJ said, his voice light and teasing. “I see we survived the bonfire chaos.”
Kiara rolled her eyes. “You look like you survived a tornado.”
JJ chuckled. “The waves were rough last night. But I made it through, don’t worry.”
Y/N couldn’t help but give a small laugh, but the knot in her stomach tightened again when she remembered the night before. She glanced at him briefly, her heart still doing that strange flutter whenever she saw him, even though she’d tried to shake off her feelings for him.
“Did you have fun last night?” Kiara asked, her voice casual, but Y/N could sense there was a little more to it.
JJ grinned. “Yeah, met a tourist. She’s cool. Gonna show her around today.”
Y/N’s heart skipped a beat, and she felt a sudden pang of jealousy that she couldn’t ignore. Of course, JJ would find someone else to hang out with. He always did.
She didn’t say anything, though. Instead, she glanced out the window again, her mind racing. As if on cue, the door to the spare room opened, and a girl Y/N didn’t recognize stepped out. She was smiling, stretching as she made her way toward the kitchen, clearly in no rush to leave.
Y/N’s eyes narrowed instinctively. That was the tourist. The one JJ had been flirting with last night. She felt her chest tighten as the reality of her situation hit her harder than before.
Kiara must have noticed the change in Y/N’s expression because she shot a quick glance between her and JJ. “Everything okay?” she asked softly, but there was an underlying understanding in her voice.
Y/N didn’t trust herself to speak. Instead, she just nodded, trying to hold back the hurt and confusion she was feeling. JJ was already looking toward the door where the girl had gone, clearly not noticing the subtle shift in Y/N’s mood.
But then, he turned to her and noticed her distant expression. He gave her a questioning look, and for a moment, their eyes met. Y/N wasn’t sure what to do with the way his gaze lingered on her—whether it was concern or curiosity—but it only made her feel even more unsure of where she stood.
The awkward silence was broken when Kiara spoke up again, her voice a little firmer than before. “You should talk to him, Y/N. If there’s something you need to say, now’s as good a time as any.”
Y/N’s heart pounded in her chest. The words Kiara had just spoken hung in the air, and she felt a surge of emotion bubbling up inside her. She didn’t know what had changed in her since last night, but it was like something inside her had cracked open—something she had kept buried for a long time.
She glanced at Kiara, whose expression was a mix of concern and encouragement. It was like Kiara could see right through her, and in that moment, Y/N realized she didn’t have the luxury of keeping things in anymore. She had to say something. She couldn’t keep playing along like everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t.
Taking a deep breath, Y/N stood up, the muscles in her legs tense. She turned to JJ, who was still lounging on the couch, seemingly unaware of the storm brewing in the room. She had to get this out, had to make him see.
“JJ,” she started, her voice shaky but determined. “Can we talk?”
He looked up, his grin faltering slightly as he met her eyes. “Sure, what’s up?”
“Outside. Now” Y/N and JJ made their way out to the hammock. Taking a step closer, her eyes narrowing as she fought to keep her emotions in check. “What the hell, JJ?” The words slipped out before she could stop them, her frustration and hurt now spilling over.
JJ blinked, clearly taken aback by her tone. “What are you talking about?”
“The way you act like you’re in love with Kiara, but you’ll hook up with anyone who’s not her.” The words were sharper than she meant, but she couldn’t stop them. “It’s like you get to keep her on this pedestal and pretend that she’s the one, but you don’t treat her like that. You treat her like… like she’s just another girl to play with.”
JJ, who had been about to make a joke, suddenly went silent. He straightened up on the couch, his expression turning more serious, but Y/N didn’t let up.
“I’m sick of it,” Y/N continued, her voice shaking with emotion. “I’m sick of being the ‘good girl,’ the one you all forget is… well, a girl. You make these jokes about me, like I don’t care. But I do. I just don’t understand why you keep doing this—acting like you’re so into Kiara when you’re out there with anyone else who shows up. What about her? What about me?” Her breath hitched, the words coming out in a rush.
JJ’s expression shifted from confusion to defensiveness. He leaned forward slightly, running a hand through his messy hair. “Look, Y/N, I didn’t mean to—”
“No, don’t,” Y/N cut him off, her voice rising. “I’m not asking for an apology, I’m asking for you to think for once. Maybe stop acting like you don’t have feelings for Kiara when you clearly do. And maybe, just maybe, think about how I feel when I see you with someone else, acting like I’m just… background noise.”
There was a heavy pause. JJ’s eyes softened slightly, and for a moment, Y/N thought he might say something—anything—to try and fix it. But then he stood up quickly, a nervous laugh escaping his lips as he pushed past her toward the door.
“Look, I’m just trying to have a good time. Maybe you’re overthinking this,” he muttered, clearly uncomfortable with the intensity of the conversation.
Y/N’s heart sank. It was like he didn’t even understand what she was saying, like he was so caught up in his own world that he couldn’t even recognize the hurt in hers.
Without another word, Y/N turned on her heel and stormed off, her pulse racing. She didn’t want to be in this space anymore. Didn’t want to feel like this anymore.
As she made her way back to the house, JJ called after her, but Y/N didn’t stop. She needed air. She needed to get away from all of this for a moment.
The front door swung open just as she stepped onto the porch, and she stopped, breathless, seeing the girl from the night before leaving the kitchen with a carefree smile. JJ’s tourist. Y/N felt a bitter sting in her chest as the girl waved goodbye to him before heading out, not even sparing a glance at Y/N.
The jealousy coursed through her, but it was more than that—it was the feeling of being unseen, of not being enough. And in that moment, the weight of it all felt unbearable.
—
Later, Y/N started her shift down at the country club. The rhythmic clinking of glasses and soft hum of the lunch rush kept Y/N focused, the kind of steady routine she needed to distract herself after everything that had gone down last night and this morning. Cleaning the bar, wiping down counters—anything to keep her mind from wandering back to the bonfire and the sting of the Pogues’ comments.
But just as she was about to grab a fresh cloth to wipe the countertop, the door to the club swung open, and in walked Rafe Cameron.
Her eyes widened slightly. Rafe was looking like he’d just had the worst day of his life—frazzled, hair a little more messed up than usual, and his eyes wide with some mix of panic and annoyance.
“Y/N!” Rafe’s voice was a little too loud for the low-key atmosphere of the club, and he made a beeline for the bar. “I need your help. Like, right now.”
Y/N leaned back slightly, trying to hide her grin. “Cameron, here? What’s up? Your dad cut you off already?”
He shot her a look that was somewhere between exasperation and helplessness. “I wish. No, listen, my dad invited me to sit in on some huge business meeting today, right? It’s a big deal, but I—” he glanced down at his pants and then back up at her, “—I spilled coffee all over my pants. It’s bad, Y/N. Really bad.”
Y/N couldn't help herself. She burst out laughing, the image of the Kook prince—immaculate and untouchable—standing there with a coffee stain on his fancy pants was just too much. “You spilled coffee on your pants? Really?”
Rafe scowled, clearly embarrassed but too proud to admit just how serious he was about the whole situation. “This is a huge deal, alright? I’m meeting with some important people, and I can’t go in looking like this. I need help, please.”
Still trying to stifle her giggles, Y/N nodded. “Okay, okay. I’ll help you. But you owe me one.” She grabbed a towel and motioned for him to follow her. “Come on, we’re going to the bathroom. We’ll try to clean them up. Don’t get too hopeful.”
“Anything,” Rafe muttered, following her through the back of the club.
The bathroom was quiet, and Y/N could already feel the light tension between them as they stepped inside. She motioned for him to wait by one of the stalls. “Alright, take a seat in there. Let’s see what we’re working with.”
Rafe shot her a doubtful look but did as she said, squeezing himself into the stall. Y/N was left with his coffee-stained pants, feeling both amused and slightly sorry for him. The stain was big, but not impossible to fix with some elbow grease.
As she worked on scrubbing the stain out, the silence between them stretched on, and after a while, Y/N broke it with a quiet sigh. “You know, I took your advice last night,” she began, her tone soft, almost uncertain. “The whole ‘don’t hold back’ thing. But… it kind of bombed.”
Rafe’s voice came from the stall, more serious than she expected. “What do you mean? I thought it was good advice.”
Y/N shook her head, her hands still moving over the fabric. “I mean, I told them exactly what I was thinking, and it didn’t go over well. They just made fun of me more. I thought maybe it would feel good to get everything off my chest, but instead, it just made things worse.”
There was a long pause before Rafe finally spoke, his tone softer than she had ever heard it. “I’m sorry. I was drunk, and honestly, I didn’t really think through what I was saying. I guess it’s not as easy as just throwing everything out there without consequences.” He let out a small, almost rueful laugh. “I wasn’t really thinking, was I?”
Y/N smiled slightly, feeling the weight of her own frustrations lift just a little. “No, you weren’t. But it did feel good to be honest, even if the timing was… well, off.” She looked at him over her shoulder, finding him still in the stall, his face partially visible, eyebrows knitted in concern.
“You know, I never really thought about it that way,” Rafe admitted, his voice quieter. “Like, yeah, I’m always the one telling people to do whatever the hell they want. But sometimes you gotta be careful what you say. Especially when it’s about people who matter.”
Y/N felt a flicker of understanding between them—something unspoken but real. “Yeah, I get that.”
She finished cleaning the pants, carefully checking to make sure the stain was almost gone. “Alright, I think we’re good. You might still look like you’re working overtime at a coffee shop, but it’s better than it was.”
Rafe finally emerged from the stall, straightening up and looking down at his pants. He sighed in relief. “You saved me. I owe you one, big time.”
Y/N shrugged, brushing her hands off and turning to face him. “Don’t worry about it. Just—next time, maybe don’t go around giving relationship advice while drunk.” She grinned, teasing him.
Rafe laughed, shaking his head. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Then, after a beat, he added, “But seriously, thanks. I didn’t think you’d even care to help me with this.”
Y/N smiled back at him, feeling lighter than she had in days. “What are friends for, Rafe?”
—
The evening sun was beginning to fade, casting an orange glow over the island, but Y/N’s shift at the country club wasn’t over just yet. The events of the day had played out in such a whirlwind—Rafe’s unexpected visit, the heart-to-heart they’d shared, and the awkward tension that still lingered between Y/N and the Pogues. It was a strange mix of emotions she couldn’t quite shake off.
She wiped down the bar one last time, scanning the room. The club was quieter now, the steady flow of people dying down as dinner hour approached. She could already feel the exhaustion setting in after an emotionally charged day, but it wasn’t over yet.
The phone behind the counter rang, jolting her out of her thoughts. She answered it quickly, as she always did in the quiet moments.
“Hello?” she asked, her tone soft from the fatigue she’d been carrying all day.
“Y/N?”
Her heart skipped at the familiar voice. It was JJ, and there was something in his voice that made her stomach tighten.
“JJ? Everything okay?” she asked, glancing around the bar to make sure no one needed her attention.
“I don’t know,” he said, his voice shaky and strained, like he’d been holding something in for far too long. “My dad… he—he had another outburst. And it was bad, Y/N. Really bad.”
Her chest tightened as she set the rag down on the counter. “JJ… are you alright?”
There was a pause on the other end, and then a sharp, almost hollow laugh. “I’m fine, I guess. Just… it’s the same shit, you know? But this time, I… I don’t know. I just don’t want to be alone right now.”
Y/N’s heart ached for him, the weight of his words settling heavily in her chest. She had seen him at his worst, but she knew how much it meant when he opened up like this.
“I’ll be there in a few,” she said without hesitation. “Just… stay where you are. I’ll come to you.”
“Thanks,” JJ muttered, the relief in his voice barely audible. “I knew I could count on you.”
The line went dead, and Y/N immediately grabbed her bag, rushing to clock out. She wasn’t about to let him go through this alone, not after everything he’d confided in her before. Even if she didn’t know what to say to fix it, she’d be there.
When Y/N arrived at JJ’s house, she wasn’t sure what she’d find. The atmosphere felt different, heavier, as she stood at the front door, glancing at the dim lights flickering through the windows. There was no sign of movement from inside, but she knew he was there. He had to be.
She knocked softly on the door, the sound echoing in the quiet of the evening. The door creaked open, and there stood JJ, looking like he hadn’t slept in days. His shirt was wrinkled, his hair messy, and his eyes were bloodshot.
Without a word, he stepped aside, letting her in. The silence that followed spoke volumes—no words needed to be exchanged, as Y/N understood exactly how he was feeling. She had seen this before, the way his father’s outbursts left him fragile and raw. She just didn’t know how much longer he could keep holding it all together.
“Where is he?” Y/N asked, glancing around.
“Out,” JJ muttered, running a hand through his hair. “He left after… after everything. I don’t even know where he went. Doesn’t matter.”
Y/N nodded, understanding that he was just trying to hold himself together. She stepped closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to do this alone, JJ.”
He looked down at her hand on his shoulder, then back up at her, his eyes searching hers. “I know. I just… I don’t want to drag you into my mess.”
“You don’t get to decide that,” she replied quietly. “We’ve been through too much for me to walk away now.”
JJ let out a shaky breath, then nodded, his eyes lingering on hers for a beat longer than necessary. “I don’t even know how to thank you for always being here. You… you’re the only one who gets it.”
Y/N felt a lump form in her throat. She had always been there for him, but sometimes, it felt like she was the one who needed to be saved. She gave him a small smile. “It’s not about thanks. I’m here because I want to be.”
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Y/N said, breaking the silence. “You’ve been through enough today.”
JJ didn’t argue. He simply nodded, allowing her to guide him toward the small couch where he’d likely been sitting alone, stewing over everything that had happened.
–
The air in JJ’s house was heavy with unspoken thoughts. Y/N had helped him clean up, patched up the immediate mess his father’s outburst had left on him, but the emotional damage was still raw. JJ, sitting on the worn-out couch, looked every bit like a kid who’d seen too much too soon. His shoulders were slumped, his face shadowed by exhaustion, but Y/N knew better than to push him. They’d both been through enough for one day.
She sat down beside him, the room quiet except for the occasional hum of the old fan in the corner. No words were needed right now; sometimes, silence was the best comfort. They didn’t have to say much to understand each other.
Y/N glanced over at him, her voice gentle when she finally broke the silence. “You know, when we were kids, I never imagined things would turn out this way.”
JJ shifted slightly, his eyes downcast. “Yeah, me neither,” he muttered. “But I guess the world doesn’t give a shit about what we imagined, huh?”
Y/N let out a quiet, sad laugh, knowing that was the bitter truth. “Nope. We get what we get, and we have to figure out how to make it work.”
They both sat in the quiet for a moment longer, the weight of everything they’d been through growing heavier. She’d known JJ for so long, seen him go through so much, but tonight it felt different. There was a certain vulnerability in his eyes that hadn’t been there before, something raw and unspoken.
“Did you ever think about leaving?” Y/N asked suddenly, the question hanging in the air before she could stop herself.
JJ met her eyes then, his expression guarded. “I think about it all the time. But I know I’d never make it far. It’s just easier to stay and pretend like it’s all fine.”
Y/N nodded, the truth of his words cutting deeper than she expected. She’d always admired JJ’s ability to keep going, even when everything seemed to be falling apart around him. But she knew, like he did, that sometimes the hardest part was pretending it didn’t hurt.
“I’ve thought about leaving too,” she said quietly, her gaze falling to her hands in her lap. “Not for the same reasons, but… sometimes I wonder if there’s more out there for me than this island. Than everything that’s tied to it.”
JJ’s lips twitched upward in the smallest smile. “You’re one of the only ones I know who can get away from this place, Y/N. You could actually make something of yourself, get outta here.”
Y/N chuckled softly, but there was no humor in it. “Maybe. But every time I think about leaving, I remember that everything I want is right here. Even if it’s all a mess.”
“You really think that?” JJ asked, leaning back slightly, a new kind of curiosity in his voice.
Y/N met his gaze, her tone steady. “Yeah. I think I’ve spent so much time thinking about leaving, I forgot what it means to stay. To fight for something that matters. Even if it's messed up and broken, at least it’s real.”
JJ looked at her for a long moment, his eyes softer than they had been all night. “I get that. I think… Maybe I just don’t know what it means to stay. Not with how things are.”
Y/N’s heart twisted at the words. She’d known about Luke’s temper, the violence that simmered beneath the surface of the man JJ had called father for so long. But she was the only one who knew how bad it really got. The others saw the bruises, the scars, the broken things, but they didn’t know how much of it was a product of a man who couldn’t control his rage.
She sighed, her voice quiet but firm. “You don’t have to carry this alone, JJ. I’m here. You know that, right?”
JJ glanced at her, the walls he’d built up over the years starting to crack. He opened his mouth, but the words didn’t come out. Instead, he just nodded, as if the weight of everything was finally getting to him. He let out a breath, a shaky laugh escaping him.
“Thanks, Y/N,” he said softly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Y/N smiled, though the ache in her chest didn’t fade. She knew she was the only one who truly understood what he was going through. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what kept her coming back—being the one person who could hold the pieces together, even when everything seemed to fall apart.
JJ shifted slightly, his tone quieter now. “You ever wish you could’ve had a different childhood? A different family?”
Y/N let the question sit for a moment, knowing it wasn’t easy to admit. She leaned back against the couch, thinking back to her own complicated relationship with her parents. It wasn’t as bad as his, but it had never been simple either. They’d always been distant, more focused on their own lives than on her. She shrugged, her voice soft.
“I think about it sometimes. I wonder if things would’ve been different if they’d been different. But then I remember… you and me, and the way we survived this island. Maybe that’s all we need. To survive.”
JJ let out a dry laugh, the humor in his voice soft and weary. “Yeah. We’re good at surviving.”
The silence stretched between them, and Y/N realized they were both carrying the weight of things they couldn’t change. But at least they had each other. At least they had someone who understood. And for tonight, that would have to be enough.
Eventually, JJ shifted on the couch, pulling the blanket over both of them. He laid back, his head resting against the worn fabric, while Y/N curled up beside him as they’d done when they were kids. The tension in the room, in both of their hearts, started to ease as they settled into the familiar rhythm of being together—no words needed, just the warmth of shared history and unspoken understanding.
Eventually, JJ shifted on the couch, pulling the blanket over both of them. He laid back, his head resting against the worn fabric, while Y/N curled up beside him as they’d done when they were kids. The tension in the room, in both of their hearts, started to ease as they settled into the familiar rhythm of being together—no words needed, just the warmth of shared history and unspoken understanding.
As the night grew darker, Y/N felt the weight of her eyelids heavy, the exhaustion from the day, from everything, creeping in. It had been a hard day, a hard week, but for now, in the quiet of JJ’s house, with him by her side, it felt like they were just two kids again—no worries, no pain, just the comfort of each other’s presence.
“Hey, Y/N?” JJ whispered into the stillness, his voice thick with sleep.
“Yeah?” she murmured, her eyes already half-shut.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Y/N’s lips twitched into a sleepy smile, her voice soft as she responded, “Same, JJ. Same.”
And with that, they both drifted into a peaceful, familiar sleep, the kind that only comes when you know, deep down, that no matter how hard life gets, you’ll always have each other.
Before fully drifting off, Y/N thought to herself, Once we graduate... we’re leaving. Together. No more broken families, no more staying behind. And with that, they both let the quiet of the night pull them under, dreaming of the future they would build away from the island and all that had hurt them.
And with that, they both drifted into a peaceful, familiar sleep, the kind that only comes when you know, deep down, that no matter how hard life gets, you’ll always have each other.
---
Next up: a return to how it was, more or less
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Taglist:
@hockeybabe87
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A/N: last one for night.. wish me luck for my presentation in the morning!!!!
#jj outer banks#rafe outer banks#obx4#obx#rafe imagine#rafe cameron#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank#jj x kie#jj x reader#rafe cameron x reader
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favourite variant covers? 👀
oh lord i cant think much right now but i know i love this cover a lot.... whot he hell gave charles a juice jox... scott on tha fucki tire swing is gonna kill me i love them all so much guys thats my fucjing FAM theyr emy darlings...
i also thought this cover was a lil sillly ..... i love silly.... erik looks like a beetle again and i love it when erik looks like a beetle
one more cover i like is this one:
tho- and forgive me for i dont have my issue on hand to demonstrate- the physical versin of this has parts of the cover be reflective/metal like and i think thats pretty nifty .... very cool even..
i also love the RoM covers where eriks in that uckinnn black sleeveless otufit ???? gen the sexiest thin iget to look at when rereading this run i love it so much
tho ithis is also na incredbly zesty cover i wouldnt mind owning this either
like bro relax no one is TAKING HIM from you ...
#snap chats#i could prob think of a few more but these are my immediate faves when i think of variants i like#like there def more variant covers i like but these are just the ones off the top of my inebriated head#there's also the Uncanny Xmen 700 variant cover i like cause Crowd Shot#but yeah these are my faves so far#i love looking at the resurrection of magneto one when im atm y dorm just for the relfective quality its so coool .....#also to make sure my outfit dont suck it works GREAT as a mirror honestly but anyways#ok i think im gon try to doodle now. fininshed my drinks so its only a matter of time before im functioantl again#i lied im playign shadow generations a lil. i love my lil hedgehog son he's eerything to me ..
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Hey love request again-
Seth x reader where his imprint thinks he only loves her cause the imprint bond, but he tries to explain it’s her he loves. Like some long angst then fluff…or whatever 😘😘
You bang against Seth's bedroom door. "Seth Clearwater! Open up!"
He opens it, shirtless and his hair in a mess. "What? What is it?" He grabs your waist and looks over you.
"Can you stop?" You shove his hands off of you. "Stop being nice to me! I refuse to become subjected to this forced bond!" You yell.
He stares at you blankly. "How'd you get in my house? I.. lock the door."
You lift up the key that he left in your house.
"Oh.. right. Can we please talk?" He gently touches your shoulders.
You shake your head. "No. Leave me alone. You don't love me, Seth. It's the stupid bond." You back away.
He steps closer. "Y/n, I love you. I loved you before the bond." He says.
You don't know what to believe. Way back when you both were younger, you'd just see him around town. You both got along and became acquainted. But when his father died, everything changed. Now, you BELONG to him. But... it's forced. He doesn't love you?
"You're lying." You whisper.
"If I was, would I have tried this hard?! Do you remember how I flirted with you so bad when we were kids?" His eyes water. "If I could go back and ask you then and not be so shy, I would."
You breathe out a shaky breath and shake your head. "God, this can't be real." You run your fingers through your hair.
He brings you in a hug. He holds onto you and rubs your back to calm you down. He has always done this while you were upset. But now is not the time.
You push away and look at him. "I'm gonna go home."
----
You're at the beach, sitting with Leah. You watch as the wolves laugh with their imprints. They seem so in love, but you believe what your mind is telling you.
"You know, it's not what you think. Seth does love you." Leah says.
Leah has been a good friend of yours. She doesn't talk much about what's between you and Seth. But sometimes she will vouch for him. He is her brother, so you understand.
"How would you know?" You turn your head to face her.
"Because before dad died, you were all he talked about. He was a twelve year old that swore he knew he loved you." She starts laughing. "The universe only told him he was right."
You look down and then look at the water where Seth and Quil wrestle.
---
You walk down the sidewalk to the bar with your new friend, who is your coworker. She seems cool, so you agreed to go to the bar with her. You figured it'd be a good opportunity to get your mind off of Seth.
You both walk inside, and you see a bunch of people. Some are sitting and drinking. A lot are walking around, visiting, or dancing to the blaring music.
Blake gasps as she notices a guy at a seat. "Hubba hubba." She chuckles.
"Eh, I thought this was a girls' night!" You whine.
"It sure is." She winks.
You end up drinking alone. Blake is dancing with the guy and had just forgotten you were there.
"Care to explain why a beautiful woman like you is by herself tonight?"
You look up from the bar table and see a man sitting beside you. He has a half smile on his face. He's tall with pale skin and blue eyes. His hair is in a military cut. You look at his wrist and see an army bracelet. Hmm.. a military mam.
"Uhm, I'm just being ditched." You giggle and sip your drink.
"Hey, sir? Can I get a shot of whiskey?" He asks the bartender. He turns back to you and nudges you. "Who ditched?"
You nod your head to the dancing people. "My friend. She found a guy."
He laughs and then takes the shot that is handed to him. "I think you just found your guy." He winks.
You get a random flash image of Seth in your mind. His face is looking at you like he did a few years back when you told him you don't want to be a part of the bond. His face breaks your heart.
You feel guilty. And the thought of being with this guy tonight is grossing you out.
"No, I'm not looking for anything." You smile.
"I respect that. Want to just drink and chat?" He smiles back.
"Sure." You turn to the bartender. "Hey, sir. May I get another (your drink)."
He nods his head and gets your drink for you.
"So, I'm guessing you're in the army." You look at his bracelet.
"Yeah. I'm home for the week. I don't really like serving." He takes another shot.
"How come?" You sip your drink.
"I miss home a lot. I uh, also don't want to serve a government that doesn't care about us." He smiles.
"I see. I still believe you have a good heart for joining." You reply.
"Pfft. I joined for the free schooling. I plan to become a cop. A good cop."
You drink more and more... and then more. Blake left with that guy. You and this guy you learned to be Tyler have been getting drunk by the minute.
"I just, I'm so over my life. I'm exhausted." You slurr and drop your head on the table. You're thinking of Seth.
"Fucking tell me about it." He agrees.
Your phone starts ringing and you answer. "Helloooo."
"Y/n? Where are you?" It's Seth. He's panicking.
"I'm okay. I'm at the bar." You groan.
"Damn it.." He hisses and then hangs up.
"Who was that?" Tyler asks.
"My..." You think carefully of what to say. "It's complicated." You sigh.
"Gotcha." He says.
After a few minutes, Seth barges in. He walks to you and gently takes your hand from the table.
"Hey!" You call out.
"Dude.'' Tyler says. He tries to grab your arm so your hand leaves Seth's hand.
"Let her go, man. She's my girlfriend." Seth says.
"No." You slurr and stand up. You stumble out the door.
Both guys follow you. You step over the sidewalk and bend over. You're about to blow.
"Who even are you?" Seth asks.
"Tyler. Who are you?" He asks.
"Her boyfriend, Seth!" He responds.
"I didn't know she had a man." He replies.
You throw up.
"Shit." Seth runs to you. He rubs your back and pulls your hair back. "It's fine. It's okay." He whispers.
God, his touches. The way he treats you. You feel so bad. He has been like this toward you since before all of this. Maybe you do believe him...
You collapse on the ground and in his arms. You breathe hard. "Seth.. can you take me home?" You ask.
He takes you to your house and you stop at your front door. He stands next to you while you fumble for your key to unlock the door. You find it and look at him. He looks back at you:
"Why are you looking at me like that?" You ask.
"Because I'm hurt." He responds.
"Me too. I'm mad at myself." You open your door.
You both walk in, and he goes straight to your bathroom. You hear him running the shower. You go in your room and drop your stuff on the bed and take off your jacket. Seth walks in the room.
"Are you sobering up?" He asks.
"A bit." You smile.
"I've got your shower going." He says.
"Thank you, Seth." You walk over to him.
You wrap your arms around his neck and pull his face down. He wraps his arms around you and smiles.
"Do you believe me?" He asks.
"Yeah. I love you."
His smile widens, and he slowly leans in. You hesitate but go in for it. You both kiss. It's slow and soft. This is the first time you two have kissed. You feel that chemistry. You feel... like this is all you've ever wanted and needed. He pulls away and places his forehead on yours.
#embry call#jacob black#twilight#paul lahote#jared cameron#sam uley#seth clearwater#twilight wolfpack#leah clearwater#quil ateara#seth clearwater x reader
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sometimes i get so upset thinking what if hotch wants to come back cuz like jack’s in college and he’s home all the time, he’d need something to do?? and the fact that the writers still didn’t use this one excuse to bring him back to emily is just… ugh.
a few comments here and there about his life while he was gone, laughing with old friends who are still friends no matter what, teasing him cuz he tries to call his son and gets constantly ignored with the “dad, please, i’m busy”. then jj’s like, oh yeah, i get it, teenagers gonna be teenagers, and emily’s kinda feeling left out? but it’s cool. it’s just that time’s passing and she doesn’t have that for herself, which is strange, since she always thought she would. but then again, time sucks, this job takes so much, and yeah, maybe it’s too late.
no kids, nope, well, she’s busy. really busy. this thought keeps looping in her head, and a few situations end up making her rethink it, over and over—did i do this on purpose? did i avoid making any decisions that could’ve taken me down that path because, deep down, i felt like i didn’t deserve it?
hotch finds her in her office, asks if she’s okay because she seems so distracted all the time. of course, she doesn’t say anything, she’s not big on venting, but she does ask him if he ever thought about what it’d be like if they’d made it differently all those years ago.
he’s… confused at first, mostly because he’s not sure if this is her way of allowing them to talk about all the stuff they never said, couldn’t say, or were too scared to. so he asks, what do you mean? emily’s tired of dancing around it, they’re older now, more mature, there’s not much left to lose, so she just says, “you knew how i felt about you. that’s fine. i know how you felt about me.” hotch gives her a small smile, and she gets it. she really gets it. “i can’t believe i even considered going with you. like, a part of me really wanted to, so badly. i talked to you about work every day, told you things you didn’t even want to hear, didn’t care. and i kept hoping, hoping that one day you’d ask me to, or even just… i don’t know, say you missed me. my god, i would’ve dropped everything, run off into witness protection. with you. with jack.”
“emily.” hotch looks genuinely surprised, and maybe it’s because she’s holding back tears. “you had all these things here, things you built for yourself. look at you now.”
“right,” she mutters, waving it off with a comment about their previous case, because why get into that now? it’s a waste of time.
aaand…
they kiss for the first time on new year’s, in their natural habitat—at work, of course. everyone but emily is ready to party, but at midnight, hotch brings her a glass of champagne while she’s scribbling reports. she looks up and says, “are you guys going out? i’m gonna have to pass this time, i’m so busy,”
and he laughs because, “you sound like me ten years ago,” while gently coaxing her out of her chair. she tries not to freak out, laughing nervously, rolling her neck to release the tension from hours of sitting and staring at fine print. hotch brushes her hair back, studying her face, and she lets out a deep sigh, touching her tongue to the corner of her mouth. “a little nervous?” he asks, a smile tugging at his lips. “still the same tell, huh? some things never change.”
“i really can’t go with you guys,” she insists, eying his lips, almost on the edge of feeling butterflies for the first time in over a decade.
“heard you the first time. so i’ll be your first new year’s kiss, and then i’ll get out of your hair.” okay, butterflies all the way down to her toes. she barely nods, just a slight movement, before he leans in and kisses her. it’s the best kiss she’s ever had, hands down. my god, she can’t stop thinking about it.
he literally left her to do her job and went out partying with the others. he’s learned to live more than she has over these years, and honestly, it’s not bad. it’s not terrible. it’s nice.
their relationship grows through little moments scattered throughout the season—tender touches, good morning kisses, emily jumping out of bed late, the looks they share. they talk about the moments they’ve lived, the times they wanted to say something and didn’t, or do something and held back. “do you remember that time we…?”
the first time emily faces any life-threatening situation, hotch’s immediate reaction when he sees her getting her cheek stitched up is: “that was really brave of you to do.”
“hotch,” she winces, frowning through the pain as the stitch hurts. “really?”
“okay, what, are you out of your mind? didn’t you wait for backup?”
“that’s much better, thank you. and, no, it’d be too late.”
“almost died,” he crosses his arms, and emily is doing everything she can not to bite her nails. “i’m gonna need you to marry me. is that okay with you?”
and emily’s like, “what?”
“you heard me right. i want you, and i want to do this, all of it. you’ve always wanted kids, and you’ve been thinking about it, don’t lie to me, and it’s not too late. and we’re gonna do it, you and i. there’s surrogacy, adoption… we can—”
yeahh…. so.
gimme gimme.
bye.
#hotchniss#emily prentiss#aaron hotchner#criminal minds#cm#paget brewster#thomas gibson#hotch#agent prentiss#criminal minds evolution#ao3fic
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review sockathan ! 👻👻👻
woah how'd you make that green
SOCKATHAN YAOI REVIEW
Disclaimer: This will contain spoilers (kind of) for Welcome to Hell 2 Part 1 and Welcome to Hell. You should probably go watch that. Its made by Erica Wester and its PRETTY cool.)
My Yaoi Entrepreneurs, I'll be blunt with you. I know we've ALL seen gay people, maybe in the streets, maybe at the park. You might even see one in your home now, so lets be honest with ourselves. Sock is DEFINITELY gay, bisexual at LEAST.
The OTHER one on the other hand.. its a little bit harder to say.. I'll probably find something though..
Lets make one thing clear, when I say Yaoi in this review. I don't mean ANYTHING inappropriate. Its just my special way of saying gay people.. I'm kinda magical in that sense.
Lets just get the first one done and over with a simple section I like to call:
EVIDENCE 1: SOCK IN GENERAL
okay so FIRST of all the FIRST time we see sock, they call Jonathan "hot stuff" while being in a fridge. I'm not sure about you but that's love if I ever saw it.
After that they introduce you to Sock killing his parents. One key point after another. If Sock being gay wasn't important, then WHY was it shown BEFORE telling us Sock's (other) main trait. Checkmate liberals.
Sock would then get the report from Mephistopheles, and you COULD say its just because the camera zoomed in, but its literally the most light ever seen in Sock's eyes.
And then Sock went on to ruin Jonathan's day, making him look crazy, and Jonathan SOMEHOW got blamed for knocking down that desk, I swear I think the teachers just hate him. I'm not sure about you but I certainly cant KNOCK over a desk thats right next to me.
He was WRITING too.. would a guilty man of desk flipping WRITE?? NO!!
And not to mention that Sock made Jonathan look DUMB in front of the faceless brothers which was probably the closest time that Sock did their job right.
Sock absolutely ruined it today.. but can you blame them? They're new to the job, give them some SLACK.
But the upcoming days, Sock was so whimsical.
Yeah SURE. Sock is still telling Jonathan to kill himself, but they just don't want to get fired!!
Not to mention the fact that they stared at Jonathan while they were taking a piss, but there's nothing odd about that.
And also near the end, Mephistopheles calls sock out on liking the guy, and Sock stutters. You just have to take my word for it.
SOCK IN GENERAL 2 [PART 1]
If you saw Welcome to Hell 2 [Part 1], you already know what I'm gonna comment about. Sock went on to call Jonathan's mother, hot. They then went on to say "Must be where you got it from, huh? You definitely got her butt at least."
When Jonathan goes on a walk and Sock follows them and says after Jonathan says he doesn't wanna be friends with them. (We'll get back to that)
"Oh wow, come to think of it, You don't really have ANYONE do YOU? What's that feel like? Knowing you're gonna die alone." to which Jonathan snaps back with "I dunno Sock, you tell me."
Now at first, this looks like a scene of ANTI SOCKATHAN propaganda, but think with me here, yaoiers. How would Jonathan know that Sock died alone??
I understand if he just guessed, since sock DOES look like someone who would die alone, or he just said whatever comeback that came to his head but if not, Sock ALREADY told Jonathan about their past life.
If what I KNOW is true, Sock VENTED to Jonathan about their life before they died in LESS than a week, since Sock just now sees Jonathan's mother in the first part, and due to a comment made by the creator.
Sock REALLY trusts this guy, maybe Mephistopheles didn't want to hear them vent, but maybe its JUST because Sock wanted Jonathan to do the same. but they probably didn't.
And then near the end, Sock says to Jonathan when he snatched his employee manual
"Jonathan, if something happens to you-"
Actually, I think this is pretty weak evidence but I thought I'd include it, since a teacher would say the same thing if a kindergartener was up on a high shelf.
That segment was PRETTY lengthy, but I PROMISE you, the others will be shorter, I just.. didn't expect there to be so much for Sock...
EVIDENCE 2: SOCK SUCKS AT THEIR JOB.
Jonathan was DEAD ON when they told Sock that they suck at their job. And quite honestly.. I could've done it better.. I could've got Jonathan to kill himself (theoretically) on the FIRST day, and if you wouldn't use my strategy, I promise you that there's probably several other you could use for the teenager that you want them to kill themselves at home.
STEP 1: GRAB A WEAPON
Since Sock is seen to be able to flip over a desk and they're able to HOLD Jonathan's journal (Shock or not), I should THEORITCALLY be able to grab a weapon, now for this strategy, I suggest you pick a nonlethal option, only to have a lethal option around, for this example, I will be using a sledgehammer.
After swinging that at the noggin, Jonathan would drop unconscious, probably with brain damage (that don't matter though)
STEP 2: POSSESS THE TEENAGER
Now it MAY not be like this in w2h, but Mephistopheles was able to possess Jonathan when he was DEAD (Probably), so It should hopefully work when they're out of consciousness.
STEP 3: KILL YOURSELF.
Alright now I KNOW that sounds bad.. but it wouldn't be MY hands to kill him. Grab the nearby lethal and SHOOT. THAT. TEENAGER!! Your boss may not agree with the logistics of this, but you get the job done.
This simulation was to PROVE that Sock atleast CARES a bit about Jonathan to want to get to know him. and to not kill him on the spot. Now if It was the other way around.. I'm not exactly sure..
EVIDENCE 3: JONATHAN KINDA HATES SOCK
(he looks like hes standing up to a school bully)
At the beginning of Welcome to Hell, hes clearly annoyed and STILL is annoyed by some of Sock's actions by the end, but he atleast isn't mad enough to NOT act like he could put up with Sock. I think the closest thing to gayness from Jonathan was when he moved the backpack for Sock to sit down.
In Welcome to Hell 2, he IS PISSED at this guy, and honestly, if Sock kept on knocking down those desks, i CANT blame him..
Maybe Sock kinda ruined the vibe when they expressed their love for Jonathan's mother, its hard to say really..
Jonathan makes this very clear that he DOESN'T even wanna be Sock's friend, I mean HAVE YOU HEARD THE THEME SONG?
SUMMARY:
Sock wasn't able to win Jonathan's heart, making him tonight's biggest loser.
YAOI: 6.5/10
#welcome to hell#w2h#w2h2#w2h sock#w2h jonathan#welcome to hell 2#sockathan#sock sowachowski#yaoi#yaoireview#jonathan combs
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I Wanted To Do It Because They Took Me Away From You
(Part 1 of Adventures of the Batfamily)
Bruce Wayne POV
“Damian’s gonna stay here since he’s still feeling under the weather,” Dick says as Bruce comes out of his office for patrol.
“Sounds like a good decision,” Bruce replies.
“Also, come say hi to Tim.”
Bruce walks over to Dick, who holds his phone out. “Hello, Tim.”
“Hi, Bruce. I heard that the Demon Spawn can actually get sick.”
“He’s had a cold pretty much since you left,” Bruce says. “And be nice.”
“Eh…”
Dick laughs. “They mean it lovingly when they call each other mean names.”
Bruce sighs.
“I’ll try to talk them into being more civil,” Dick whispers.
Bruce nods. “Thank you. Tim, how is the mission going?”
“Fine. We’re almost done. Just another day or two and I should be back home with everyone else,” Tim answers. “I’ve missed you guys, even Damian.”
“That’s what happens when you live with a bunch of people and then go somewhere else for over a week,” Dick replies. “I’ve had it happen a lot of times.”
“I’m gonna head out on patrol. You two behave and make sure you check on Damian while I’m gone, Dick.”
“I will. He’s mostly over it so he should be fine in the morning.”
“I know, just make sure that he gets some rest and doesn’t spend all night talking to his many animals.”
“I will.”
Bruce wakes up with a sick feeling in his stomach. He opens his eyes and everything around him is blurry.
“Wakey wakey, Batsy.”
The Joker appears in front of Bruce and he tries to back up, only to find himself stuck where he is. Another Joker appears next to the first one.
“Wow, that really did a number on you, Bats. I can’t even tell if you know what’s going on.”
Bruce tastes metallic, then spits blood onto the floor. He doesn’t feel injured, but the taste is still in his mouth and he can see the blood clearly.
“Oooo, so high, Batsy.”
Bruce’s eyes force themselves closed, like there’s some kind of weight on his eyelids.
Twelve year old Jason jumps out from behind the Batcomputer. “Boo!”
“Nice try, Jason,” Bruce says, holding a mug of coffee. He takes a sip as Jason starts pouting.
“You’re impossible to surprise,” Jason says.
“Not true. You’ll just have to pay close attention,” Bruce replies.
“Dick has managed to surprise me in this cave twice.”
“I gotta ask him how he did that. He’s so cool.”
Bruce smiles and shakes his head. Jason’s eyes are bright as he jumps around in his costume, preparing to fight crime.
Bruce opens his eyes to see Dick across from him, tied up in his Nightwing costume.
“Two caught, one to go,” Joker’s voice says, even though he’s nowhere to be seen.
Dick looks worse for wear. Bruce can see that most of his face is bruised even though his head is down and his arm is in a position unnatural for an arm to be.
“Nightwing,” Bruce says.
He doesn’t say anything or pick his head up. Joker walks back in and throws Damian on the floor in front of him.
“Got them,” Joker says. “Now you can all die together as the happy family you claim to be, on the anniversary of the worst day of your life. We miss baby Jay-bird, don’t we?”
Dick Grayson POV
“Please tell me you’ve got something,” Nightwing says as he and Damian take a break on a rooftop. “We’ve been looking for almost twelve hours and there’s no sign of the Joker.”
“Well I’d love to tell you good news, hot stuff, but I don’t have any.”
Damian groans and turns his comm off. Dick rolls his eyes where Damian can see it.
A moment of silence.
“You alright, Oracle?”
“Hold on,” Barbara says.
“Hold on?” Dick asks.
Damian switches his comm back on.
“The computer finally figured out where he is, but I don’t know that you’ll get there in time.”
“Where is it?” Dick asks.
She rattles off a location and how to get there.
“I can do it. Come on, Damian. We’re never telling Batman how fast I’m about to drive with you in the car with me.”
“Go speed racer,” Damian says as they head towards the Batmobile.
They get to the Batmobile and Dick starts racing towards the warehouse. “Keep watching the feed for me,” Dick says to Damian.
Damian pulls his phone out and turns on the news. “Twenty minutes until the timer goes off.”
“We can get there in twenty minutes,” Dick says hesitantly.
“You don’t sound sure,” Damian points out.
“I’m sure,” Dick replies, hiding his concern behind a quick smile.
Damian nods, clearly unconvinced. Gordon calls so Dick puts the video in the corner of the screen towards Damian.
“We got an anonymous tip on where Batman is,” Gordon says. “We’ve got officers already on the way and I was supposed to contact you earlier, but got busy.”
“No need to worry. We know where he is and we’re on the way.”
“That’s good.”
“How close are the officers?” Dick asks.
“About fifteen minutes out,” Gordon answers.
“We’ll meet them there but they are not allowed to go in without us. Joker will kill them without hesitation if he finds them.”
“I know the rules. I’ve already alerted them that they can’t go in without you guys until the timer hits five minutes. If it hits that point and you guys aren’t there, they’re gonna go in without you.”
“Wouldn’t want it any other way,” Dick replies. “Bye, Gordon.”
He hangs up and picks up speed once he gets on a straight road.
“Weee,” Damian says sarcastically.
Dick shakes his head, but laughs for a moment.
Jason Todd POV
Jason turns on the TV and sees Joker on the screen with a bloody and beaten Batman.
“One hour left until The Batman dies,” Joker says. “Nightwing and Robin are nowhere to be seen and if they’re not quick about it, they’ll get to watch just like everyone else.”
Jason recognizes the room Batman’s being held in. It’s from the “Funhouse”. Jason doesn’t grab his helmet or take any of his normal tools with him. He grabs one of his pistols off of the table and runs to his motorcycle.
After securing the pistol in its holster, he speeds towards the warehouse. He weaves through traffic with expert ease and makes it to the Joker’s “Funhouse” in record time. He walks into the warehouse, memories of his brutal beating at the hands of the Joker flashing before his eyes making it hard to concentrate on the task at hand.
He searches each room until he finds Joker, laughing as he’s telling the camera that there’s only one minute left until Batman gets executed. The method of execution is something else. A cannon-like contraption that’s got smiles and laughs painted on the sides, but instead of a cannonball it has five knives inside of the barrel. Jason grabs the knife out of his pocket and cuts the wires to the camera as Joker pokes Batman’s face while taunting him.
“You’ll have the same death day as your son,” Joker whispers. “A fitting end, if you ask me.”
It takes a moment, but Joker hears the camera feed in the corner of the room cut so he turns in that direction. Jason runs towards him and kicks him into the wall.
“Five… Four…”
Jason looks around the room to see the timer on the cannon still running. One thought crosses his mind as he makes eye contact with Bruce, who looks like a light breeze could take him out.
Joker won’t take anything else if I can help it.
He runs towards Bruce as the timer keeps counting down.
“Three… Two… One…”
Jason grabs at his chest, where the knives found home after being shot from the cannon. Joker, who’s getting up after being kicked into the wall looks shocked, then angry. Jason’s vision blurs, then stumbles back. Joker starts raging and throwing things around.
“I killed you! You’re supposed to be dead!” Joker shouts. “How are you still alive?”
Jason flips Joker off. “I’m just that awesome, shithead,” he chokes out.
Police sirens can be heard, so Jason pops three shots off at Joker. One manages to find home in his arm, so he tucks tail and runs. Jason takes one of the knives out of his chest and cuts Bruce free, then falls onto his back.
Bruce shakily gets on the ground. “Jason?”
“Heh, I cut the camera feeds so you can feel free to pass out until the police show up with Bluebird and your new brat,” Jason says.
“How are you alive?” Bruce asks.
“Ra’s woke me up.”
“What…?”
“I had this grand plan to take control of Gotham’s underworld and kill the Joker. I know your stupid rule of no killing, but just him. I wanted to do it because he took me away from you.”
“Jason, you’re gonna be fine. You can’t die again.”
“You’re acting fairly normal for a man so high off his ass that he couldn’t untie a rope tied like a child tied it.”
Bruce’s breathing gets heavier and faster, so Jason slaps him. It’s weak by all standards, but it does the trick. Bruce comes back to reality and starts checking Jason’s condition.
“Stop it, old man. I guess this is how it should have ended. Dying to protect my family, I like that. I still hate you for replacing me and leaving that scumbag alive, but at least nobody has to lose their dad today.”
Jason turns his head to the side, then starts coughing up blood.
“Father!” a voice calls from somewhere else in the base.
“Damian,” Bruce mumbles, then turns in the direction of the door.
“I hope you don’t remember this when you wake up,” Jason says.
Bruce turns back towards Jason and he slams the butt of his gun into Bruce’s forehead. Bruce blacks out almost instantly and crumples into a heap.
Bruce Wayne POV
Bruce wakes up to the sound of a heartbeat monitor. Steady heartbeat, and someone is holding his hands. He opens his eyes and he’s surrounded by his children. Dick, Tim, and Damian are all sitting in the room around his bed. Dick and Damian have a hold of his hands while Tim’s sitting at the foot of the bed with a book in hand. All of them are asleep in various uncomfortable looking positions. Damian blinks his eyes open and stares at Bruce for a minute before seeming to fully wake up.
“Father!” Damian lets go of his hand so he could use both hands to reposition.
Bruce ruffles Damian’s hair, which he accepts with a small huff. It only takes a minute for the other two to wake up thanks to Damian’s ruckus.
“How long was I out?” Bruce asks.
“Almost thirty-six hours,” Dick answers after a quick glance at his watch.
“It took you so long that Drake was able to come back from his mission,” Damian adds.
“What happened to Jay?” Bruce asks. Dick stiffens up while Tim and Damian look confused.
“Who?” Damian asks.
Recognition crosses Tim’s face, then it turns to confusion. “What do you mean?”
“He was there. He got me out.”
“Jason wasn’t there, Bruce,” Dick says quietly. “You were the only person there and the feed cut suddenly, so we figured you got yourself out. You were pretty high, so you can’t really trust anything you saw.”
Bruce furrows his brows, but only acknowledges the statement with a nod. The subject changes to his recovery, which will take a couple weeks so says Dr. Thompkins. Bruce doesn’t say much, letting his kids do the talking. Tim tells him all about the mission he was on and how well it went, while Dick and Damian talk about adding trackers into the suits so they can keep up with each other.
Everyone quiets back down after a while and eventually falls asleep, so Bruce is left alone with his thoughts. Thoughts about the fact that there should be a fourth kid here with him and there isn’t. That Jason would be here with his brothers if Bruce hadn’t been so reckless and careless.
Jason POV
Jason stumbles into his base and people start rushing towards him.
“Boss, what happened?” one asks.
They take him to the clinic down the road and the doctor treats his wounds. Once the doctor clears him to leave, he heads back to base. Everyone’s waiting, and looks concerned.
“How are you planning on protecting us from the Bat like that?” one asks.
“Bat’s gonna be out for a while,” Jason replies. “He’s being replaced by Nightwing, and I’m pretty sure that you guys can handle the week that I’ll be out.”
“A week?” another one cuts in. “You look like you’ll be out for at least a month.”
“I heal fast,” Jason says. “I’ll be back to working in no time. I’m thinking that we change our tactics a little while waiting for the Bat to come back. I want things to be a little more discreet. Give the heroes a false sense of security.”
He explains the plan to them and they all seem pleased with it.
“Someone keep tabs on whatever you can find about the Joker while I’m out,” Jason says.
He heads back to his tiny apartment and crashes.
#batman#batfamily#batfam#jason todd#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#damian wayne#barbara gordon#whump#angst#emotional angst#feels#red hood#nightwing#dc robin#dc joker#dickbabs#whump writing
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arcane predictions!!! but mostly kaz's unintelligible rambles
no like now that we're done with act 1 i kinda wanted to get in on the fun of like guessing esp because i KNEW the enforcer act would backfire immediately spoilers duhhhhh
isha or maddie is gonna die bc like. the tropes are right there.
someone said that ambessa is gonna be the final boss villain and idk if thats league lore im missing out on, someone pls enlighten me
loving ambessa btw the reveal that she was behind the 'attack' during the memorial fucking GENIUS
bc it was kind of a breaking point of the dark caitlyn arc!!
vi pitfighting arc next which im sad about bc like wdym i gotta watch my girl going THRU it
i mean this is a stretch but heimerdinger,,, bro defo has a bigger part to play right
yk like all of this has got me thinking abt the ending bc it cant be something like and they band together and live happily ever after!!! its gotta have some major casualty
so im kinda expecting it ... either vi... or jinx...
i love the vi is caitlyns weakness trope - it happened in s1 and remember how ambessa exiled mel bc she weakened her think THAT and cait being ambessas target and cait cutting off vi... would love to see it more in play.
jinx doing smth sacrificial bc girl has zero self preservation skills
SPEAKING OF JINX
i love the shift in perspective bc s1 felt like we were watching it from jinx first person pov and rn it feels like jinx third person and also her saying 'its so quiet now'
her character arc seems to be taking the hero's path which is so cool!!!!!!!!!!
that guy... yk the enforcer guy who left when cait was declared leader... who tf is that guy
ALSO WHO IS WARWICK SORRY I DONT KNOW LEAGUE LORE SOMEONE EXPLAIN BC WHAT IM SEEING IS... WORRYING...
ekko badass moment
i have NO idea whats gonna happen w viktor but jayvik nation i extend my condolences
yk idk how theyre gonna add more lore - if theyre gonna add more lore bc act 1 lays down the foundation, sets the scene, everything else builds up from here na. just fascinated on where its going frfr.
okay yeah i know this is not very predictions but wtv wtv i just wanted to say ik people say the pacing felt off but it felt perfect to me tbh - keeping in mind i finished my s1 rewatch last night - it felt like elements sorta clicking into piece, yk? the cogs of a machine taking their places.
thats all i can think of for now, lmk ur thoughts!!!!!111
#arcane#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#caitvi#jayvik#jinx#please PLEASE lets talk about my girl jinx more
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Brendan Smith’s Kan Jam will take place January 7th
#New Jersey Devils#Jack Hughes#Nico Hischier#Simon Nemec#Nate Bastian#Tyler Toffoli#Michael McLeod#Nathan Bastian#Devils#NJD#read the article seriously#it’s important#so cool that all the guys are gonna take part#even Dougie!
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Regarding Demise: He is an interesting concept, as is the whole eternal cycle, but for that to actually become something worthwhile the games/stories would have to actually DO something with it. So far they are introduced in Skyward Sword and thats it! No other game even references them. And, yes, that cheapens EVERY other game because there is this implication that its all out of the control of the actual characters in the story because of this one asshole that we only ever saw once! Why not have Ganondorf realize that he is possessed/manipulated by this weird old Demon God? How would he react, would he embrace it, would he rebel, would he be broken by the realization that none of his actions were ever *his*? I dont even care which of these options they pick, as long as they pick any of it and do just ANYTHING with the concept.
Or maybe Link or Zelda figures out the Cycle and starts looking into breaking it because endlessly repeating Demon Attacks kinda suck and you dont want that for your descendants.
Or have a game focus on them remembering bits from past lives and having to piece it all together or, again, just ANYTHING!
The closest they ever came to was with BOTW Zelda praying to Hylia, aka HERSELF, to unlock her powers, which is some brutal narrative irony, but not much more.
And regarding the whole Zelda is Hylia thing, I've seen some headcanons about how Skyward Sword Zelda is terrified of herself after learning that, because she now has to assume that everything she did was planned by a version of her that she no longer is. Is Link her friend or is he the useful pawn that Hylia needs to turn into the Hero? Does she even deserve his affection when she probably manipulated him into becoming her champion and fighting, possibly dying for her all her life?
Thats juicy, thats something you can do something with but Nintendo really does like to plan those stories game per game without any care for the larger story.
Which I guess is the Irony of it all. They tried the whole larger connected story/universe thing once: With Skyward Sword. After all that was also the time we got the first Hyrule Historia & "official timeline" as well as "How it all began" in the game itself.
It felt like the start of a new era for Zelda games and stories and then it just... wasn't.
And while I get that they want to focus on gameplay over story, I will never stop mourning the stories we could get/have gotten, if they put a bit more thought into things.
I actually feel like its harder to make the 'cycle' into an interesting plot point when its a .. divine thing that happens, and not perpetuated by the people (though not impossible, given how the series is build up it would need alot of work to not make it worse still..)-
i actually cannot stand the idea that ganondorf is possessed or manipulated, made eviler by demise somehow (demise is dead, leave him beeeeee hes not some evil master mind behind anything aaaaah) bc it STILL takes away ganondorfs agency and character and gives right into the whole hes basically born evil and just pushes the fault tm onto someone else it in turn legitimizes that the kingdom of hyrule and its high rule (heehoo) is right and if only gan wasnt manipulated hed be good tm, aka allied with the goodest guys, hed gladly accept their invitation and join their holy empire of goodness tm if wasnt for da demon
(and i love to say, who decides what is good tm and evil tm? bc hyrules monarchs making every other tribe their subordinate and persecuting shiekah for example isnt what id call good but its fine bc the good holy guys did it in the name of "peace" -what is their idea of peace? everyones under their rule and must worship their god? uh oh- and resistance to it is gonna get you labelled as evil!! (unless you join their holy kingdom and become their vassal of GOOD) what good and evil boils down to in zelda is .. being allied/ruled by the kingdom of hyrule and being opposed to them, even if its only not wanting to be subjugated by them)
i can see the appeal to some degree, but i dont like the idea of ganondorf even being able to be manipulated or possessed, what makes his character, before it got flattened into well he just be demon in the eyes of the average fandom, interesting is his unbreakable will, that drive to keep on living and resisting those that want him dead, its poetic and sad, to the point that (until totk ...) it was really just ONE ganondorf that refused to die and came back over and over (also something i found a compelling thought for botw, that after all this time theres nothing left BUT his will to resist, its a tragic idea that rly spoke to me)
my personal idea of the cycle is that its only a cycle bc they, the kingdom of hyrule and their belief system, keep it going, its not a divine thing that needs to be broken (though the divine surely messes with it, just for the bit i guess) but something that keeps repeating bc hyrule is so soaked into the idea that their princess once was a god and hers is the right to rule it all in light- so anyone who doesnt agree must be of the demons from the darkness seeking to destroy the world, and what means the 'world' could just mean the kingdom of hyrule- in botw even with the calamity people went on and lived, same in windwaker, they dont need the holy kingdom to live- (who is to say the 'monsters' are bad for the land, to me they mostly looked like well adapted territorial beasts, and the bokblins etc clearly arent mindless monsters either, why do they need to be eradicated? they attack you? ok dont go into their territory, or defend yourself, you dont need to exterminate something just bc it could be a threat at some point)
(i do agree that conflict with zelda being interesting but uuuh .. well they never did anythign with that huh)
in the end, demise was just a throw away villain, and if i may get my tin foil hat back here, i feel like the whole creation myth skyward sword does was really just a way for them to get out of the predicament of having to consider a villain to be treated like a person to save themselves from having to think about what they imply and can just go, well this is the evil demons, this is the good gods- ironically enough the attempt to get out of having to consider complicated writing it ends up reversing straight back into the WORST of kinds of implications .. that arent even subtext anymore, if totk is anythign to go by, the most 'simple' or 'easy' narrative to go for might not be actually simple, just a so often retold one that it appears simple if not made aware of its dark maw, the status quo repeated ad nauseam
(and if i may, the whole gameplay over story thing is bs in my eyes, that sounds like the typical attempt of dismissing any critique, just like the stupid, and frankly, offensive "its just for kids" argument, story and gameplay are inherently intertwined, the story influences the gameplay, the gameplay influences the story, especially in a series like zelda that is a futile thing to go for and a reason why the stories themselves lack depth, how are you gonna have an epic adventure that drives you to get through any amount of puzzles and battles if there is no story to motivate you, at this point it feels like the series has set itself up for catastrophic failure bc i imagine, people might just keep buying and playing the games bc its attached to the series, bc they hope to see characters they loved return, new ones that will grab their attention, perhaps be taken away by a world that meant alot to them once before, hope that there will be something exciting-
i am not saying the series has no value or doesnt do anything well (hello who am i) but how many times can you repeat 'this guy good he fight evil guy he get the pretty princess as reward' without any interesting twists or narrative, even the most beloved characters can only keep it passable for so long, even the best gameplay loses its potential if its surrounded by cardboard characters and a story so "simple" as offensive it fits into a single page, i often wonder how a game would be seen if it wasnt titled -the legend of zelda- ..
it hurts especially when looking at its long history, how much estblished thigns it could exploit and expand, the potential the series has is still immense, it hurts to see it be wasted over and over :(
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i dont need it to be mind breaking#i just want it to be interesting#botw was interesting to me!! so much so!! god i miss loving that game- totk just gives everything a bitter taste..#i dont find echoes of wisdoms lore that interesting as some seem to do#the main thing being you play.. as zelda (and need to transform into link via mystic energy to be able to actually fight hahaaa)#and i find that cool but also a little .. sad? like this series is so set in its path that even playing as the other good guy is a big hook#i have nothing much against the game (other than how zelda is handled- of course she da priestess not a hero .. the FUCKING UI ARGH)#idk totk kinda killed how invested i was into the lore#im just kinda numb to it by now ... like whatever#i still care mind you- but it would take alot ot get me excited again#also this long ass response isnt meant agressively or something#i just have .. opinions tm#also .. the whole breakign the cycle is the entire idea of my totk rewrite- with zelda having to realize she is part of what perpetuates it#and everything shes been told all her life was a lie- shaking her entire worldview to the core#anyway#im gonna guess this wasnt the point of the ask but uh ... words go brrrrr
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BEEP BOOP FIC REC
HELLO I RISE BACK FROM THE DEAD TO PUSH THIS TO YOUR PLATE
I've reblogged the author's original post a while back when the first couple of chapters were written but now I finally had the time to open ao3 again and finally caught up with the chapters... BOY OH BOY ITS AMAZING PLEASE READ IT! This fic may have come from the same idea as my little prince skk childhood au BUT it's a gem on its own and has its own beautifully crafted world and written characters PLEASE PLEASE READ IT ITS SO SO GOOD!
Everyone say thank you to @uneducated-author for this beautiful work! <3 ToT I love it so so much
#fic rec#bsd#skk#bsd fic#fanfic#also please dont get confused this is a whole new entire work belonging to the writer not me! its beautiful#im just gonna use the same tag as my comics too keep all them in one place hehe#little prince skk au#i cant the fic is so so good i need to draw raaaaaaaaa#on one hand i wanna say the fic is angstier than my comics but#i think i uh. i wanna take that as a challenge#guys i promise the next part is coming soon im just so. busy i hate it here.#cheers to angst wahoo#also set the characters and their roles differently compared to the fic but hey thats the cool thing about two people making different work
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶
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Certified Alfonse Moment
#feh#feh spoilers#man he's so fucking cool......#dude is always taking chances and making gambits. EXTREMELY fascinating to see it here too#w ratatoskr specifically. like. she's gonna throw up. she's been crying this whole time.#you'd THINK he'd think she may be a liability but he's thinking like three steps ahead WITH what he knows about her in mind#and he's putting A Lot of trust in her AND he's very gently nudging her in the direction he'd Like her to take#WHICH. AUGH. you see hints of it sometimes but alfonse really does know how to manipulate a situation#but he's ALSO prepared for an undesirable outcome. acknowledging it could backfire.#GOD. SOMETHING I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IN AN OLD WIP OF MINE. is how alfonse#sometimes makes suggestions but there's a force to it you don't pick up on at first. bc it Is presented as a suggestion.#if he can make it seem like it was your idea all along. you know.#LIKE. idk if i've just been seeing shrimp colors but i feel like he does do that.#and like part of that wip is the betrayal felt when you DO see through the gambit/it doesn't work. fucked up!#anyways i adore this guy. he's a little scary but it's okay 💕#fe alfonse
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eeneks sister having a fuck ton of scars, but later most of them being revealed as just from her childhood/from mundane accidents is so fucking funny to me for some reason.........
#like of course a lot of her scars ARE blade of marmora -related#but a significant part of em are just. eens scratches n bites & the results of mundane fuck ups#god. i hate calling her 'eeneks sister' all the time. i NEED to find a good name for her asap!!!!!!#constantly calling one of your only female characters '[someone]s sister/daughter/etc' feels wrong and this woman deserves better than that#also. ignore the scar placement. it WILL change#i am incapable of drawing scars consistently#and im still figuring out her design#my funky guys#my art#im a little bit obsessed with her. shes like a sad wet cat to me#shes so cool and cringe at the same time<333#20 something who spent her entire adult life as a marmora solider and is now trying very hard to learn how to be Normal(its not going well)#girl has issues#love that for her<3#ive been on an eenek kick lately. thinking about this fucked up family 24/7. i love them#theyre all so funny to me. this family of three has so much drama its like a fuckin soap opera in here. its ridicoulus#also#taks thinks this woman is soooo cool and badass. i mean she is but shes also a wreck.#taks takes after eenek and idolises their sister. paralells ig???#this girl sees a purple alien and asks 'is anyone gonna use this guy as their role model for the next couple of years??'#and doesnt wait for an answer
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Tfw ur house doesnt have heating so u have to dress up in ur renfest chemise & dress & cloak bc its the warmest thing u have
#real peasant hours#lows are getting into the 20s again starting friday. sure would be nice if anyone could figure out whats up with our furnace#its from the 40s and multiple guys (general handyman. heater guy. electrician) have all kinda been like ???????#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk what its doing or how to fix it or what part it even needs lmao#like ok cool. its cold tho. and u gave us oil heaters but also told us not to use them on anything but the lowest setting#bc it might overload the wiring in the house. which is also from the 30s-40s so none of the outlets r grounded or take 3 prong plugs. lmao#so.......#at what point r yall gonna throw in the towel and replace the furnace. when its snowing?#bel speaks
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i am being fucking Haunted by the sotenbori clown
#lad gaiden is so good#busy work is like my fav part of yakuza games right next to cool heat actions and mahjong#so im doing all the akame stuff#and one guy wants me to take a photo of a clown#and i am Sure i was a clown when i got to sotenbori first?? i swear i have a memory of going 'huh whats the clown doing here'#but i havent seen it since??#im starting to think i fabricated that memory because im so desperate to find that fucking clown#i dont want to look it up!!#ive got my nice suit from the colosseum on so kiryu is gonna rund around this map in style#and we are gonna find this fucking clown!!
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