#so clearly their suffering is equal and comparable and the same!!!! why are you being so mean!!!!!

[broiamjustalilguy]

TLDR: Gortash should have had an optional redemption route exclusive to a Durge run

i've only seen a few people talk about it, and it really is extremely sad to me that Gortash has no redemption path. he really is the bad ending version of all the other characters' cycle-of-abuse backstories. SO many bg3 characters can be saved from that, and a huge point of the game is how you can be more than what your abusers tried to make you be, and that doesn't happen for Gortash. no matter what decisions you make he has a bad ending, suffering eternally at the hand of his own god.

it's just so odd to me the way that was handled: ESPECIALLY in a durge run. i understand being unable to redeem him in a normal Tav route; he doesn't know you, why would you be able to give the help and support he needs. but in a Durge run, you two were clearly *so close* to the extent that when you arrive, he shows genuine joy at your arrival, calls you his "nearest and dearest" and has MANY other lines showing that he deeply trusted and respected you pre memory-loss.

they also give you as the player proof that durge felt *the same way* about him with things like the prayer of forgiveness letter they wrote about him: "Forgive me Father, for i can't help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe..."

Gortash meant so much to durge that they were genuinely having a religious crisis over caring about someone and something that wasn't their Holy Father and his plan for you to kill everyone and end the world.

he cared about Durge when they were fully under their Father's control. he cared about Durge when they come back as an amnesiac. he keeps caring, even if you choose to reject your Father. he tells you you'll never be a servant, that he views you as his sole equal, that now that you have returned to him he wishes you two to rule together as one. and if you reject him or side with him, his fate is the same, and you barely acknowledge when he dies. it just seems so counter to the rest of the game and its messages. i know a lot of content was cut and changed in act 3 and that a lot of people, myself included, felt like the end of the game fell flat compared to the earlier parts, and Gortash's utilization is one of the biggest examples of that.

(sorry this is a bit of a mess lol i have strong feelings about this and his story is such a tragic waste)

[legendarycollectorprincess]

“Aqua Only Chose Akane Because He Couldn’t Be With Kana” — Why That Argument Falls Apart

Now that the manga is over, let’s unpack another — and increasingly desperate — claim from some Aqua x Kana fans: that Aqua only chose Akane in Chapter 78 because he couldn’t be with Kana. That if things had been different, she would’ve been his first choice.

This interpretation collapses under even the slightest narrative scrutiny.

Aqua Was Never Going to Be With Kana — And It Had Nothing to Do With Akane

First, the idea that Aqua ever had a real chance with Kana ignores the entire thematic foundation of their relationship. From the beginning, Aqua was always going to distance himself from her — not because of Akane, but because of Kana’s career and his own guilt. He’s the one who told Kana to become an idol. And when she did, he became terrified she would suffer the same fate as Ai.

This wasn’t an obstacle Akane created. It was baked into the story from the beginning.

Now here’s the twist most people forget: Akane wasn’t even meant to be a major character. Originally, her role was supposed to end with the Dating Show Arc. But her emotional depth, intelligence, and narrative compatibility with Aqua led the author to elevate her to something much more:

A core figure in Aqua’s journey

His most intimate mirror

And, eventually, his romantic partner

This means that Akane didn’t block the Kana route — because there was never a Kana route to begin with.

“The Temporary Girl” Trope Doesn’t Apply Here

A common trope in romance-heavy stories is the “temporary love interest.” We all have seen it: the protagonist dates someone else while being unable to be with the one they truly love. That relationship is never meant to last — just to serve the emotional arc of the “true” pairing.

But that’s not what happens in Oshi no Ko.

During the time Aqua and Akane are dating for real, there are no scenes where their connection is used to actively push Kana away. Unlike other stories where a “temporary girlfriend” is paraded around to trigger jealousy or force emotional distance, Oshi no Ko never does that.

If anything, the narrative keeps Kana and Akane’s arcs distinct — emphasizing that Aqua’s dynamic with Akane has nothing to do with Kana. She is completely removed from their interactions, showing us that the Aqua-Akane relationship exists on its own terms.

Compare this to other stories where the temporary girl trope is used:

In Toradora, Kitamura dates Sumire but still clearly pines for Taiga.

In Kimi ni Todoke, Kento is kind and supportive, but exists solely to clarify Sawako’s heart belongs to Kazehaya.

In Nana, Reira becomes entangled with Takumi but is never treated as his true emotional partner.

But Oshi no Ko isn’t a romance — and Kana isn’t the main character. This isn’t her love story. So the idea that Akane is “just the obstacle” to overcome for the Kana endgame completely falls apart.

Context Matters: Aqua Already Chose Akane Before He Realized Kana Wasn’t an Option

Some fans argue that by Chapter 69 — when Aqua abandons his revenge because he thinks Kamiki is dead — the story places Kana and Akane on equal footing. That Aqua could now freely choose between them. And that the balance tips only when Akane reminds him that being with Kana could hurt her and her idol career, in Chapter 78.

But let’s rewind. Back in Chapter 72, Aqua and Akane discuss ending their relationship. The topic is brought up by Aqua, who believes that he should no longer be with Akane now that he has discovered that his father is dead. However, he doesn’t say, “I want to break up.” or “We should break up.” He says, “It’s not good for me to keep you tied down forever.” Then, he lists reasons she should walk away (including that their relationship started as part of a show) — but never asks for it. Their conversation gets cut short, and Aqua is left waiting for her answer.

Because Akane isn’t someone he wants to leave. She’s someone he doesn’t believe he deserves.

And that distinction matters. Because in Chapter 73, when he goes on a “date” with Kana, Aqua is still waiting for Akane’s response. If Aqua wanted to be with Kana, that would’ve been the moment to signal it. Kana literally asks him what he’s going to do about Akane — and Aqua says nothing that would indicate any romantic interest in Kana. He doesn’t flirt. He doesn’t confess. He doesn’t say, “I’m thinking of breaking up with her.”

Aqua had agency in that moment. And he chose not to make a move on Kana. That’s not circumstantial. That’s narrative priority.

“But Aqua Only Tried Be Happy With Akane Because He Couldn’t With Kana”

That claim doesn’t hold up — for one simple reason:

Aqua didn’t have to be with Akane at all.

When they talked about breaking up, Akane said she didn't mind. That she just wanted to help him carry his pain. She was willing to just be a friend. There was no obligation, no pressure, no emotional trap.

But Aqua didn’t want just that.

He chose her. Even when he didn’t believe he deserved her.

That means his decision to continue the relationship wasn’t resignation — it was affection. It wasn’t “settling” — it was choosing someone who saw him at his worst and stayed. And that was the person with whom he wanted to give himself a chance at happiness.

If Love Were the Plot, Akane Would Still Be the Answer

And even if we pretended for a second that Oshi no Ko was a romance manga with Kana as the central heroine — Akane still fulfills far more of the “true love” archetype than Kana ever does.

Because when we step back and ask: Who did Aqua trust? Who did he open up to? Who saw him for who he really is?

The answer is always Akane.

Aqua let her in in ways no one else ever experienced. He confided secrets to her he never told Kana — or even Ruby. She was the first person to truly hug him, to hold him as he suffered for Ai’s death — a grief he’d buried for years.

Aqua once told her she “saved” him. She’s the only person in the series he says understands him.

That kind of emotional intimacy — mutual recognition, raw honesty, and transformative vulnerability — isn’t what you give to the “temporary girl.”

In the end, Akane isn’t the safe choice. Or the fallback.

She’s the only one Aqua chooses — when no one is forcing him to choose at all

[pokikichuu]

MUSE | A Wangxian drabble.

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

Warning: Major Character death.

This drabble includes: Immortal Wei Ying, Poet Lan zhan, Dead Lan zhan, angst but make it poetic, inspired by poetry (Iamnotapoet), love letter, this entire fic is a love letter, first person pov of wei ying.

Summery: Immortal Wei Ying falls in love with Lan Wangji, a Navy Soldier and poet. His faith catches onto him and he looses his love, down to the ocean. In order to forever engrave Lan Wangji's face in his mind, Wei Ying makes paintings and sculptures of him, waiting for the eternal end where he can get a glimpse of him again...

Word count: 969

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

M U S E

Lan Zhan, my dear,

The smell of soil after a drizzle, the sound of leaves grumbling with the wind, the sight of the sun setting under a blanket of purple and orange clouds, the taste of fresh water after a run, nothing can compare to the feeling of your skin against mine. 

I don't remember when my life began, I don't see it ending anytime soon either. However, I remember one thing, when your eyes met mine, I felt the most alive. 

You were frowning, I was not. I met you on a whim, in the midst of an adventure, but I forgot my purpose when I caught a glimpse of you; your brunette hair flowing with the wind. 

You sat straight viewing the vast ocean in front of you, the sunset in front resembled your hazel eyes. Oh, you were breathtaking. I had gathered my courage to approach you, and with God's wish, I had succeeded. 

And since then, I remember my days clearly. 

At first glance, one might assume you were somewhat of a crude man, even I assumed the same. However, you were as gentle as a lily on a lake, your soft gaze, kind laughs and gentle kisses kept me awake at nights. Even during the sleepless nights, you laid by my side. Then I would admire your lips, your eyes, your pretty scar on your left cheek and you would chuckle.

Your chuckles were my favourite, it still is. It will forever be. 

When I look out into the sunset, I see your eyes. When I make my way to the market and come across the water lily on the lake, it only reminds me of your touch, your fragrance. 

Pity me, for falling for a sailor, a soldier, a poet and a writer. You were all those things, but to me, you were always my friend, my family and my lover. 

You had pages after pages of poems about my eyes, I had a hut full of paintings of your face. How can we be so different and similar at the same time? As if, you were the full moon who only shows up every twenty eight days, where me, the sun, waited to meet you everyday. 

Pity me, for waiting for you still, knowing you will never reach the shore. 

Pity me, for being a widower without ever eloping with you, my love.

My love,

You were the one I would paint with, laugh with, the one I was willing to die with. If only I had known, you would never return, I would’ve drowned myself in you, with you. 

Dying with the earth seems to be a blessing to an outsider, only I know, how much of a curse that is, how dying and lying beside your astray grave is more peaceful than living forever with the thought of you gone from this world.

Why? Why must I suffer? Why must I be cursed with such a power? 

I remember very less, my family, their image is something I can’t seem to recall. I only linger with their voices and some words they have written down; I cherish them. My acquaintances from childhood, I neither remember their faces nor their names. They have escaped my memory; like wind flows through spring. 

However, I can not bear to forget you. Forgetting you is equal to losing the most precious treasure of my life. I can’t bear it.

Slowly, my little hut became your shrine. The painting of you, your details that only I know of, your smile that only I saw, your gaze that only I received, each moment, each fond memory ended up on wrinkled paper with paint made from berries you and I planted together. Your face, body, hands, I captured them in soil from the island I first met you on. 

Tears roll down my freckled cheeks as I sculpt your face, from memory that is as vivid as my dreams of you. The softness of the soil can not justify your soft skin, however I had to make do of what I had. As my fingers go over your jaw, I almost expect the lifeless sculpture to smile and tell me “I love you,” like you used to. Oh, how I wish that came true! How I wish I could sculpt you back to life! 

All I, a hopeless man, can do is wish for something that is not meant to stay mine. 

God gifted me you for only thirteen years, equal to spec of dust in a desert compared to my lifetime. However, how pathetic am I to hold onto that for the rest of eternity? Hold onto a grain of sand and think of it as my desert?

Even the sunset in a desert reminds me of your eyes. 

My lips have gone chapped, by kissing the hard stone that I made into your lips. My fingers have calluses from moulding your pretty face out of the soil. My cheek now has the same scar you had, whilst mine was intentional. All my clothes have the same paint stains as the hundreds of paintings I made of you.

I would rather die than forget you, I wouldn’t let you be the gust  of wind that flows through spring, that blows through my mind in a few years.

I don’t know when My time will come, but when I will get to meet you, if I do, I want you to look at me the same way you did for thirteen years. With your eye-smile, with your blushed ears and with a tight hug.

I will forever wait for that day, while I spend my life recreating you in every art form there is.

Except poetry, as you were the best at that.

[ae-azile]

that ask game: 2, 12, 14, 17, 18, 21, 22

This is for the KinnPorsche fandom, since I think most of my active followers know me from there. 🙂

2. Compelling argument as to why my fave would never top or bottom: 

Hmmm, this one is a bit hard for a couple reasons. For one, I don't have one definitive favorite. I actually enjoy/appreciate a lot of the characters for different reasons so it is hard to narrow it down to one, singular character. For another, I feel like all of the characters could go vers under the right conditions, and I don't think it matters when it comes to who tops or bottoms. But I will go with two characters who I struggle to see as potentially vers. 

Kim: I feel like Kim (at least in the show) struggles with relinquishing control, but also needs someone he trusts to take over. Personally, I think he needs someone he loves and trusts to have sex at all. While topping does not always equal control (and bottoming doesn't always equal submission), I think many mistake it as such. To me, if he found the right person to take that step with, he would likely show that devotion through a willingness to bottom. He struggles with words, so this is the next best thing: Letting someone take care of him and trusting them not to hurt him - something that is very hard for him to do otherwise. 

Kinn: I wouldn't necessarily call Kinn a fave, but I have compassion for him and I find him very interesting. I struggle with seeing him bottom. The thing is, I don't struggle with seeing Porsche top. If Porsche found someone more vers, I think he would be down for either role. However, I also think Kinn’s rigidity in these roles also stems from a struggle to relinquish control. However, I think his control issues are much more pronounced due to his position. While he goes soft for Porsche and clearly adores him, he has been trained to be a leader, masculine, tough, etc. Despite Korn accepting his sons and their sexualities, the environment Kinn was not only raised in, but trained to lead is a breeding ground for toxic masculinity and not getting too close and comfortable with people - even those you should be close and comfortable with. Taking that into account and the fact his first known significant love betrayed him, I feel like he would really struggle opening himself up enough to bottom, even with Porsche. He would most likely CONSIDER it for Porsche and I don't completely rule it out, but it would be a struggle for him to get to that point. 

12. The unpopular character I really like:

 “Like” may be a strong word, but I find Korn and Gun FASCINATING. I would eat up an entire prequel series about these brothers. Gun is an abusive father, Korn appears to be a passive and kind one, yet Gun sees his brother as pure evil. While I don't necessarily think Korn is 100% evil, I truly believe he has less of a conscience than Gun does. Gun manipulates and beats his oldest son. He stabs one of the guards and has him beheaded posthumously. We witness those things because we are SUPPOSED to be on the major family side and see them as the much lesser evil. The thing is, they aren't, and I believe Korn is the colder and more sadistic one in the scheme of things, even while being an accepting father who probably genuinely loves his sons on some level. Both Gun and Korn are guilty of terrible crimes. They have had the same traumas passed down to them by their likely terrible father, but emerged from that trauma as very different people. 

I read Gun as someone who is perpetuating the abuse he likely suffered as a child. He is not a born villain. Korn was older, and likely calmer and more level-headed. He was assigned as heir, while Gun was the spare. Gun used the comparison of Korn and their father as a way to compare their capacity for evil. It is the only time in the show Korn genuinely looks taken aback and offended. It's subtle, but it's there. They both likely suffered at the hands of this man and were traumatized by whatever crimes he committed, but Korn never passed that down and hit his sons. As for Gun, he never killed his foster brother-in-law, faked the deaths of his foster sisters and her sons, and kept said foster sister as a prisoner for years and years (unless you believe Korn’s story about Gun killing Pat, which I don't). 

Anyway, I don't LOVE them, but I wish more fic writers explored their complexities. 

14. The one thing I see in fics all the time: 

ABO. I get that it's popular, and I will admit some aspects of it are kind of hot. But I feel like the dynamic taking over the whole environment and twisting it into something strongly dependent on these roles in society is what keeps me from ever seeking it out. Despite that, it comes up a lot in so many fandoms. I might still watch PitBabe though, since the acting looks good from what little I have seen.

17. There should be more type of this fic/art: 

I have a list! 

Crack fics, preferably crack treated seriously/semi-seriously. I want some high quality works that suck me in and make me laugh in this fandom. There are some great ones, but not enough. I need MORE.

One half of the couple believing the other half is dead (but are they?) I need to see KinnPorsche, VegasPete, ArmKhun, KimChay, etc going through that angst. 

Brotherly bonding fics. I love writing sibling dynamics and exploring them, likely because I was deprived of one and grew up feeling pretty isolated due to my home situation. So I really would love to see more fics putting a strong focus on one or more sets of siblings.

 

18. The fandom has been sleeping on: 

ArmKhun. It's somewhat recognized, but I need more people to open their eyes! Arm is so soft with him (with the exception of pushing Khun towards Pete’s ghost, but Khun did throw his effigy in the fire). He calmly and gently explains plot points of shows Khun misses. He is the first one to offer physical comfort. He knows how to get his mind off of things. As for Khun, he seems to trust Arm so much. If you look at them closely, Arm is the first one he often gravitates towards for physical comfort when he is feeling anxious. He also chose to stay with him rather than in a safe room or off the property during the attack. 

The mothers. I want their backstories, I need to know how the Theerapanyakuls feel about them. All we have is Kinn saying he is more like his mother before shooting a man in the head, and Vegas looking heartbroken when Gun says he is stupid like his mother. 

Namphueng. The woman was locked up for close to twenty years and even in the best written fics I have read, she is often a background player. There is so much potential to explore memory and speech loss, disability, regaining some memories and independence if the story allows, her rebuilding a relationship with her sons and interacting with the others, etc. 

21. What part of canon do I think is overhyped? 

Initially, I would have said KimChay. They didn't pull me in first watch. I didn't hate their storyline, but I wish it was a little more interwoven into the main plot, and part of me still does. However, they really did pull me in when I watched it again, and now I guess I write about them the most. Still odd to me, but I find them to be really interesting when exploring them in fic. 

Now? I really couldn't tell you. I guess I would have to look into everything else that is hyped up and go from there. 

22. My favorite part of canon everyone else ignores: 

I don't know if everyone ignores it, but I love that Arm is working multiple guard positions? Boy does surveillance, builds and distributes weapons, designs high tech spy gear, and goes on missions with Kinn (which is sort of dumb in hindsight because he is one of the main people holding that compound together). On top of that, he was the first one to tend to Big when he was shot, implying he has some medic or strong first aid knowledge, led the clean up crew after Tawan set off the bomb, and then built bombs of his own for the attack on the compound later on. 

He does all of this, and still manages to be a guard to Tankhun, who is likely the safest yet most emotionally demanding family member. And he seems committed to that position. I am sure Arm could easily be removed from Tankhun's team. He has plenty of other work demands, and he better be the highest paid guard other than Chan. Yet he chooses to stay with Khun along with taking on all of those duties. Hm. Love that for him though. 

[aesterblaster]

Hi there! Lovely blog 🥲 I came across a post about Rin (and his jaded side), which inspired me to rant a bit myself. I apologise if this lacks distinctness - English is not my native language, I also write on the bus so it must be worse than usual. Lastly, I don't have the alchemy of the verb so I tend to write more mud than gold lol. Anyways, I'd like to say something about Rin's ego (I'm consciously using arguments that I haven't seen yet, so I'll say very little about Rin's material living conditions such as the role of his age, his personality, the social impact of being Sae's brother etc, his “brother complex”...)

Well, mainly I find there are many parallels to be drawn between Nagi's character and Rin's, especially when it comes to their relationship with soccer (incidentally, the discussion they had at the end of the Manshine VS PXG match highlights their common problem; they have no ego). No… in fact I would say that there is a fundamental distinction between Nagi and Rin (absence of ego versus negation of the ego). I'm going to use schopenhauerian elements here (lightly) by integrating them with Kojève's ideas (the most primitive to the development of his thought on history). I don't think this is Kaneshiro’s ambition (but Schopenhauer (SC) drew heavily on Buddhist (anatman) and Hindu philosophy, so why not...) but Rin deals with the suffering of the world (equivalent here to the abandonment of his brother, who initially served as the pivot around which his reality revolved) by sublimating his own interiority (ego); he erases his 'ego' so as to become a footballer (he disappears in his work). For SC, the aim of the work is to develop an intuition that proposes a division of the world (a feeling of strangeness in the face of the notion of existence), which in itself makes it possible to overcome its absurdity (of the world). Moreover, everything Rin enjoys revolves around the question of the place or confirmation of the self within its realm (horror films = quest to feel/ his favorite music evokes the inability to find one's place in the world + Ciguatera (one of his favorite manga) tells the story of a young hopeless man with no goal outside of getting a bike and his new friends who gradually build themselves up in the midst of adolescence). Besides, in the same way that the abandonment of the Self is achieved through sublimation (freudian) in the work, it is also achieved through "charity" for Schopenhauer, and in some respects we could compare this to Rin's attitude before Sae's return (complacency towards his team-mates’s play style but also the stoic behaviour that emerged following Sae's departure).

It's true that, in the past, Rin undertook every action symmetrically to Sae's (theory of mimetic desire, which partly explains his disproportionate reaction to Sae's new purpose), whether through peer pressure or "willpower", although these dynamics can be criticised, they enabled Rin to situate himself in the world (shared existence creates a sense of belonging). He was the brother of the best (“even if my brother is stronger, he is still my brother, he treats me like his brother, we are equal, perhaps equivalent, we share a common humanity”). Except that this repression of the ego comes into conflict with the desire or struggle for recognition after Sae's return when he challenges Rin's perception of their shared humanity. Sae rejects Rin's humanity by telling him that he didn't see any value in him other than his ability as a player (which Sae doesn't recognise at the time). At this point, Sae imbues Rin with the idea that a being IS based on the object of his desire (to be, you have to desire something that surpasses the "need". A position that Sae continues to defend, particularly when he tells Sendo that his quest was primitive, even animal, so much so that it focused on primary needs (reproduction/affection (family), security (good salary/ position in the national team)... during this exchange he clearly establishes himself as the authentic human (free) being compared to a bunch of animals or sub-humans (enslaved)). One’s humanity (unlike animality, low things) is defined by the victory of conquering the desire of another being (the recurring theme of bllk). Whoever achieves this on his own, is in a sense, the master and the vanquished is a slave (master-slave dialectic), and while the master obtains recognition of his humanity from the slave, the master does not recognise the humanity of the slave.

In this way, self-awareness becomes a function of the other's awareness of us, and Rin integrates (even if he fights against it) his inhumanity (animality, even) and his subordinate position in relation to his brother (he’s the slave). Therefore, they are no longer brothers since they no longer recognise each other as equals. As a result, Rin performs a double negation of the ego (more or less voluntary and/or undergone), first through self-denial (for the benefit of others) and then through non-recognition (Sae’s abandonment). In addition, this could explain his jadedness and the disdain that you pointed out in your susdite post, because the value of the recognition I receive is a faction of the value of the recognition I give to others. In other words, the master gets recognition from the slave but it's not adequate because he doesn't recognise the slave, so the slave's recognition is worth almost nothing (as for now Rin doesn't care about soccer or blue lock, the aristos/master in his microcosm is Sae (Isagi only in relation to Sae) and, as in ancient Greece, the aristoi only recognise each other. In this sense, Rin seeks to recognise his own existence in the approval of his master (someone he wants to be equal to) and not in his work (if we're talking materialism, in Marxian thought, work is a means for man to recognise his own existence in the world in a broader sense, Rin really does live in a microcosm, but that can be explained by other factors) using outdated or even archaic means (for the venerative connotation of the term). It's funny that it's during the u20 match that he thinks it's imperative for him to make his mark on history. Even if I doubt Kaneshiro's qualities in this area, I'm still looking forward to seeing Rin's evolution in the quest for his true "ego" or "personal identity"now that he's started it, and he's wondering (I don't believe in these things but it could be interesting).

That said, I apologise for the length (I did try my best to keep it short), grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and inconsistencies. I only hope that I have been sufficiently comprehensible. Thank you for reading if you happen to do so. Have a nice day 😁

woah this was a full on psych thesis. Thanks! It was pretty long but I do enjoy your points and connections. I def agree that to Sae, Rin is still attatched to sub par desires and his recognition means nothing. I wonder if Sae's edginess isn't fully due to trauma but also realizing how futile Rin's way of thinking is. He just doesn't know how to properly explain it without being rude as hell.

[fleurelinathehybrid]

💛[Chapter 26: Keeping up with a deal]💛

If one were to compare kingdoms among the members of the Endless, undoubtedly none would equal the kingdom of Night of the Endless in beauty and danger.

The structures of her palace bore a certain similarity to those of the palace of her "favorite son", Dream. However, the enormous difference was that the color of the pillars could easily be confused with the darkness of the night itself; the same darkness that she used for her preferred method of torture: Black Holes.

Desire recognizes, deep down, that perhaps Dream desperately longs for his kingdom to resemble hers, only in the vague hope of receiving a token of her affection.

⟪Who are we trying to fool? She will never love us. We only played at being a family when she felt like it. Neither she nor Time have loved us as much as they loved themselves.⟫

Theirs thoughts were expressed clearly; Making this sacrifice was as valuable or even less than Night could value. However, it was the only way to prevent her from causing suffering to their siblings and niece. No, she is definitely innocent of the atrocities this disturbed woman could inflict on her.

—I've arrived! —they exclaimed with a hint of panic in their voice.

The silence was something thunderous and terrifying, despite being illuminated by the stars that adorned the walls of their mother's palace. They looked like they had been painted by the most talented mortals who had ever existed on Earth, despite their true material. And even their brother Dream had the same kingdom design as her.

—Mother, are you here? I'm here! —they shouted again, with a little impatience. —I kept my part of the agreement! If I come in peace, you don't bother my brothers or the girl!

Once again it was the most uncomfortable silence, and Desire was already getting desperate.

—I'm not playing, Night! —they exclaims, their face already red with impatience and anger—Don't make me regret it! GET OUT THE DAMN TIME!!

And this time, there is no silence.

The structures of their mother's palace begin to shake, causing them to fall abruptly to the ground from the sudden shaking of the pillars. Desire feels, genuinely, that they should not have opened their mouth and uttered insults at their mother, even if they were desperate and almost regretted having entered the wolf's teeth.

"Watch your tone of voice in my presence, Desire"

The fifth Endless swallows after hearing that; without being warned, she was capable of cutting out their tongues.

A pool of stellar waters located in the center of the pillars begins to tremble, causing the drops within the water to vibrate in time with the tremors in the place. And when Desire thought this wasn't getting any worse, Night proceeds to appear from within the pond, making the color of the water lighten as the voluptuous and beautiful figure of her mother emerges from the pond, wearing a black dress. Her wet and wavy hair like her sister Death's, barely stopped touching the water, fluffed up with a single shake.

—Sorry… mother. —the child speaks with their voice hanging by a thread.

Night smiles at them, with an obvious hint of sarcasm. She comes out of the pond, dazzling as she always does, and approaches her child after noticing that they're still on the ground. Desire, on the other hand, tries to recover from the near heart attack caused by their mother's reception.

—So you made a decision about the deal I offered you, huh? —Night speaks to them flirtatiously, while with her magic she levitates her child to help them get up. Once standing, she begins to surround them and look at them more closely. —Why are you dressed like that, child? Your clothing is usually more elegant.

—I'm not in the mood to dress as usual, mother. —they say dryly, feeling extremely uncomfortable after her approach. —Why would you care to know?

—Because I am your mother, Desire. I must always know everything. —she responds with a touch of coldness, placing her hands on her child's shoulders.

—I doubt it, seriously. —Desire looks at her with a small glimmer of bravery. —Besides, I only came to fulfill the deal. Don't you dare bother my brothers or my niece, and... I'll stay with you.

A small giggle escapes Night's lips, putting Desire on alert. Immediately, around them, there was nothing but darkness itself. The anthropomorphic being of Wishes looked at their mother with obvious mistrust, until they noticed: she did not get lost in the darkness as she did most of the time.

And, much more terrifying, his eyes shone like two lighthouses pointing at a ship.

—You? Stay with me, voluntarily? —their mother asks them, very intrigued. —Don't make me laugh, Desire.

—My intention is not to make you laugh, no, it is to make sure that you are going to keep your part of the deal. —Desire clarifies, with a burning flame of anger in their golden orbs— And I do it voluntarily, because I am not a coward like you and Time. I've already disappointed those I love, and I'm not going to do it again. I won't let her down too.

A look full of evil seeks to penetrate Desire deep into their bones, they tries to keep the flare of anger in their eyes, but it immediately goes out and they feel fear right in front of their nose.

—Well, child, if you say so. —she holds their jaw with her hand, so that his nails try to pierce her child's perfect face. —You are very brave to have the guts to come see me, very surprising.

Desire's teeth are shown to Night, letting her understand that she was fulfilling her purpose of tormenting them.

—However, you were wrong. —smiles maliciously— I will not attack your siblings, only my favorite son; obviously I won't do that either because I made a deal and you fulfilled me from the beginning.

Behind Desire, a strange portal opens with the matter made of their mother. They did not need to turn their head, not only because their mother prevented them from doing so with her grip, but because they already recognized perfectly that it was what was behind them.

It was a fucking black hole.

They focused their gaze again on their mother, without any hint of bravery whatsoever. Night no longer had the headlights in his eyes, only darkness. That same darkness that characterized her as always.

Like the evil mother they were used to fearing.

—I'll see you soon, child.

After these words, she decided to throw them into the hole. Without giving them a chance to fight.

[faiseuse-d-histoires]

https://www.tumblr.com/bookish-cravings/759469305363578880?source=share

Why you don't post my questions??? This is a lie. The hate that white people is receiving now its huge so if marina was white, all the peoplw likw you two who defend her now would have hate her. Because her actiond were shit but you all forgive her only because she black. Let me ask you, black people can't do wrong???? Marina is and was a bad person. She tried to tame people and she was mean and evil. I don't care she was pregnant.

Oh, Calimero, your lack of self-awareness is alarming. Don't you ever question yourself? Are you even able to?

If i don't reply to all of your asks, it is because you are a bully and keep repeating and projecting the same things. I am always tempted to reply "cf previous answer", as you are always turning round and round around the same things, and I wonder why you do not choose to go rather on reddit, where you could delight on répétitive stories like "SO cheated on me, so I wasted parts of my life to get my revenge", which would certainly satisfy you better.

Should I say to you "poor poor white woman"? I won't.

The amount of hate you describe against white people shall never equal the amount of hate, of injustice people of color received, the weight of History, and if as a white person, I can admit it, and admit that white priviledge still exists and should be fought against, why can't you?

But other than that, Marina being white wouldn't change the fact that she is a young woman in a precarious condition, in a society that could destroy her if she is unmarried, and that tries to secure her and her unborn child's future. This is worthy of compassion, no matter the color of the skin. Compared to that, you want me to think Show Penelope, who began her work because she did not get the attention she wanted, and keeps using gossip for her own gains, is worthier of compassion and that Show Marina is a bitch for (check notes) taking her willing crush, that keeps friendzoning her, from her because she hopes to be at least with a kind man that could protect her and her child... Well, I am sorry, but for my part, I shall never agree with that. Show Penelope's situation will always be more priviledged than Marina's. Show Penelope's sufferings were never equal to Show Marina's. The evil is in Show Marina' s situation, which leads her to despair, not in herself. Show Penelope, who was not even in a desperate situation such as that, only did what she did for herself (for validation, to keep her crush from marrying another, and out of spite for not getting what she wants). Clearly not the same stakes.

Grow up. Some situations just can't be compared as you do, in an extremely limited, narrow-minded and binary view.

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Back to the 60's: Country 2010 Country

Buncha little thoughts about this album and country music writ large, but the most pressing one doesn't really have anything to do with country music at all, and it's that I've now found a second album in this Back to the… series from K-tel that is actually on Spotify, but appears to have been excluded from their own search results for some reason?! Which inevitably makes me wonder, how much music does Spotify have in its library that's actively being hidden from us? And why the hell are they doing that in the first place!?

See if you get the same results as me. Go on your Spotify app, search "Back to the 60's country," and see if it brings up the album. Mine doesn't do it on my phone app, or my laptop, or in their web app, but I can find the album through a Google search, and here's evidence that it's actually on Spotify:

Very weird and disconcerting!

OK, now for some more specific thoughts: the prolific and eclectically sprawling K-tel label, which has always stressed quantity over quality, can, naturally, be very hit or miss with its releases. But one thing you have to appreciate about them in particular is that within the broad compilation label landscape, I'm hard-pressed to think of another company that has a scope similar to theirs that digs as deep into the country vaults as they do. They may be a pretty chintzy label, overall, but I think the fact that they were such a midwestern staple in their heyday may have lent to them taking on country in a way that I don't think other similar labels did nearly as much of. And you may or may not like country music yourself, but regardless, I think you have to hand it to a label that makes it as much of a part of their own identity like they did, treating it as an equal to other commercial genres with deep and rich histories, rather than as something more secondary to pay mere basic, inch-deep, lip service to.

However, like the rest of this Back to the… series that I've explored thus far, this too has a lot of re-recordings on it. But I actually don't think that country music suffers nearly as much from the inherent deficiencies of re-recordings like other genres do, and that's primarily for two different reasons: one, while a lot of other genres incorporate a whole bunch of instruments that cheap re-recordings end up trying to poorly replicate with keyboards, a lot of country music doesn't necessitate that. Sure, there's plenty of glitzy country stuff with a lot of studio wizardry that goes into it, but there's also a lot of country stuff whose setups are far more sparse, and when you have maybe just a bass and a guitar or two, that's going to be something that's a whole lot harder to fuck up with a re-recording, I think.

And second, I think another thing that's so off-putting about re-recordings in general is that when the vocalists are tapped to make them, they've very clearly aged, and when it comes to genres like pop and rock & roll that have an inherent nature to promote youth, it's disappointing when the people who have returned to recapture that magic are obviously not so young anymore. But youth is not necessarily an asset with country music. And specifically with male performers, guys with deeper voices who sound weathered, wise, and mature are adored. So when someone sounds older in a song, it's not as much of a liability as it is with other genres.

Now, I've made no bones about how I know almost little to nothing about country music myself, which is something that I'm committed to publicly working on sooner rather than later, but because I don't even know what any of the original versions of these songs on this album sound like, I think I'm a decent mark for something like this, due to the fact that I have nothing to actually compare these to and then be disappointed by. Like, every single one of these re-recordings is probably inferior to its original master, but for the moment, ignorance is totally bliss for me! Whee! 😎

And so, I didn't hate this album nearly as much as the other dispatches from this series thus far. I may have not liked very many of these tunes, but they didn't make me seethe like when I heard an absolutely awful rendition of The Crystals' "Da Doo Ron Ron" yesterday 🤢.

And I don't even think that every single one of these is a re-recording anyway. Like, I'm pretty sure that Jack Greene's tender crier, "There Goes My Everything," is, because it really doesn't sound like it was recorded in the 60s, but Dave Dudley's Johnny Cash-sounding trucker ode, "Six Days on the Road," totally does. And if you dig that classic Johnny Cash sound, you'll probably dig this song too then.

Last thing I'm gonna say here before I wrap up is that I'm pretty certain that this album was released on CD and cassette in either the late 80s or early 90s—like much of the rest of this series was—but I can't find any actual evidence to support that, so the year of release I'm forced to go with is the one that, I think, represents when it was added to streaming services instead, which is 2010.

So I can't believe I'm saying this as someone who doesn't ever dive much into country music, but *this* is now my favorite volume from K-tel's Back to the… series so far. The four other albums I've listened to dealt with more general pop and rock-oriented hits from the 50s and early 60s, but this country-specific one is just leaps and bounds better, and probably because of many of the reasons that I outlined above.

✌

Highlights:

Jack Greene - "There Goes My Everything" Dave Dudley - "Six Days on the Road"

[sneezemonster15]

No, Naruto was not mad in chapter 699. He certainly looks contemplative and perhaps a tad melancholic.

Because like I said in the post, Naruto is not ready to come out of the closet, which was made pretty clear in 698. And it makes sense because he lives in a heteronormative and homophobic society, and now that he is the fated hero and savior, the burden of responsibilities he has to carry has increased triplefold. In the entire war arc, it was emphasized how he is now the captain of the ship, while everyone else has also accepted and acknowledged him as such. Naruto was clearly depicted as the one with repressed sexuality, who struggles with the nature of his feelings for Sasuke. Naruto always was Sasuke's well-wisher. He wanted to bring Sasuke back, as in to rescue him from Oro's clutches. He didn't want Sasuke to be lonely and suffering and miserable. He wouldn't ask Sasuke to stay for his sake, just so it would make Naruto happy. That would be selfish and insensitive behaviour, let's not confuse him with Sakura. Naruto understands why Sasuke did what he did, Naruto knows about the truth of the Uchiha massacre.

The post is not about Naruto vs Sasuke. You can like both their characters equally and still be able to judge their motivations, characteristics and dynamics correctly. There is absolutely no reason or evidence to believe Naruto decided to reject Sasuke and marry Hinata because he got mad at Sasuke abandoning him. It would be monstrous and immature of Naruto to ask Sasuke to stay in the village after what the village did to Uchiha clan. Naruto came of age at the end, he wouldn't display immaturity by forcing Sasuke to stay in a place that betrayed Sasuke so thoroughly. Don't you think Kishi made Sasuke leave at the end for a reason? Protecting Sasuke and being with him turned out to be a greater motivator for Naruto's character in Shippuden, more than his becoming hokage. Naruto was single-mindedly focused on bringing Sasuke back but Kishi wrote Sasuke to leave at the end and Naruto didn't stop him. Instead he gives him his hitaiate back in good faith. Kishi wrote it like that to show Naruto has matured, also because now he knows much more about himself as compared to the start of shippuden. He knows he loves Sasuke and Sasuke loves him back. Even if the conditions in Konoha aren't positive for them. They are shown as having a very strong relationship post shippuden, a very intimate relationship, they both understand each other. They understand each other's problems.

And not 'godknowshwere'. Naruto knows Sasuke's whereabouts at all times, even if he isn't in Konoha, like it is pretty much stated in Gaiden. They are in contact at all times. Sasuke pledged to Naruto to assist him in reaching his goals and he is doing everything to satisfy it, even benefitting the same village that destroyed Sasuke's family and childhood. Sasuke has done enough to 'atone' himself as he calls it. Let's not throw stones at Sasuke's character because he left at the end.

I am sorry to say but the interpretation that you have drawn out is insulting to both Sasuke and Naruto's characters. I think I know where this kind of reading comes from, Naruto stans that ship SNS and I will say it right away, their understanding of both Naruto and Sasuke's characters are very clouded by their prejudices and less than comprehensive understanding of the manga. I mean if they think Tobirama and Sarutobi were portrayed as good leaders...

Sasuke knows how much he hurt Naruto. But Naruto doesn't care much about that. This panel makes it clear.

Sasuke was ready to die at this point of time to make things easier for everyone else. But Naruto won't have it. So Sasuke wants reassurance from Naruto whether things will sort themselves out after what Sasuke did. And Naruto gives that reassurance to him. Sasuke is still not convinced but Naruto tells him - Don't make me say it again.

And Sasuke smiles. He has his reassurance. He trusts Naruto.

Which means that if things didn't sort themselves out with Konohabitants, and if they didn't accept Sasuke, Naruto will make them. And it makes sense. Naruto's efforts were what gave Sasuke the out of jail card after the war.

There's no question of anyone being innocent here. They were both victims to their circumstances, they were both kids and they had no control on how their fates were designed. Naruto didn't ask to be a jinchuuriki, just like Sasuke didn't want to attack Konoha for the cheap thrills.

Sasuke abandoned Naruto in vote one, and Naruto couldn't understand why Sasuke was doing it. But after Jiraiya died, Naruto understood. Naruto never resented Sasuke for leaving after that. And he understood even better after he got to know about the truth of the massacre.

I don't understand why Sasuke looks very sad in Gaiden when talking to Naruto about their "collaboration" (for some reason it's written bolded too)?

Ah Anon.

Okay so I have wondered about this too and I had been thinking of writing a post about it, but kept avoiding it. Mainly because Gaiden is convoluted, to say the least. And in order to make sense of it, some contained speculation was in order. However, it is informed speculation, in any case. Here goes.

Why did Kishi write Gaiden? To give Sarada a back story. But he is doing so many other things in it. It's like he is helping outraged fans to make sense of the ending, the one that made SS canon. It's like he was trying to provide a bridge, to fill a gap, in order for us to understand what happened to Sasuke and Naruto at the end.

My suspicion started here.

This was the point when I felt like Sakura has had a clear realization. The clear impression that I got here was that Sakura knew what Sasuke meant. Sasuke did show her some consideration when he was still part of team seven and I felt like she still entertained the thought that maybe Sasuke still had that consideration for her. But war arc showed her again and again, how Sasuke's goals and feelings and priorities had absolutely nothing to do with Sakura and that irrespective of how Sakura feels for Sasuke, Sasuke wouldn't reciprocate.

He saves Naruto from the lava dimension despite a very able Naruto's admonition, but not Sakura who, if weren't for Kakashi, would certainly have perished. And to add insult to injury, Sasuke even explains to Naruto why he did it, while not mincing words about how much Sakura and Kakashi were just circumstantial by-products of his rescue operation. Sakura knows that Sasuke has prioritised Naruto over her before and is still doing it, even at the cost of her potential death. This incident served as a failed litmus test for Sakura.

Sakura would plow on regardless of course, because she still thinks she deserves it, that she deserves him. She has a very twisted sense of self importance, something that is a product of entitlement and immaturity. She was ready to abandon Konoha and become a traitor to trail after Sasuke the first time he was leaving, she was still begging for his attention during the war and even afterwards, while he announced his intention to kill Naruto. Even the horrible genjutsu Sasuke put her in without a second thought wasn't enough to make her re-evaluate her feelings for Sasuke. Her obsession for Sasuke isn't at all about him or how he feels, not like she was ever interested in knowing, but it's about her and that she wants to possess him, even if only in name. So even when she knows Sasuke doesn't and probably never will reciprocate her feelings, she never stops trying. She is after the glory of nailing Sasuke, pun unintended; because it uplifts her own image in her head, that 'she' was the one who finally got to 'get' Sasuke, not Ino, not anyone else, her. At the end of the day, her burning desire to claim Sasuke as hers is stronger than her need of Sasuke's reciprocation, loyalty to Konoha, protecting Naruto or anything else.

So when I saw this panel in chapter 699, it made sense.

Sasuke rejects Sakura's offer, like always, after giving her an unenthusiastic monosyllabic apology in the previous chapter, but it made sense that she would still follow after Sasuke. If a surefire murder attempt, a disturbingly malevolent genjutsu, steadily consistent apathy and vocal disdain wasn't able to budge Sakura's resolve of pursuing Sasuke mindlessly, why break from tradition now?

Sakura's attitude towards Sasuke made me think, what more needs to happen for this girl to realize Sasuke just isn't interested? Everything that ensued after lava dimension convinced me that it doesn't matter what happened or didn't happen, Sakura won't change. That it was never really a question of what would finally make her understand that one sided love doesn't work, but it was always a question of how much was she ready to go through, as long as she gets to have Sasuke.

Well, we are probably never going to find out because Sakura's obsession and one sided 'love' is a much stronger motivation for her than her self respect and long term happiness. I kinda feel sad for her, she just makes for such a forlorn and pathetic figure, so wrong about what really constitutes happiness in life and hence, suffering for it in a world where Sasuke, her husband and father of her child doesn't see her, call her, write her, touch her or recognise their child. :/

When Sasuke was leaving Konoha in chapter 699, his statement to Sakura intrigued me. He does give her an explanation, and assuredly states that he needs to sort out some other things that have been on his mind. I wonder what those things were and how much they had to do with the events that transpired in the preceding chapter, the intense interaction with Naruto that acted as his emotional catharsis and changed his direction in life. Because I believe chapter 698 was a love confession. Post chapter 698, Naruto knows how Sasuke feels for him. Sasuke knows how he feels for Naruto. Sasuke also knows how Naruto feels about him, but that he is still hesitant and confused, as he can't reconcile feeling that way for a boy. But on a fundamental level, he knows.

Of course, Kishi had to find a way to write this whole thing creatively and effectively to mitigate the risk of being too explicit about writing a gay love confession in shounen. But all the evidence of Naruto being a closeted homosexual was already established shrewdly by Kish. He obviously knew he couldn't legitimize a gay couple in shounen so he wrote that horrible ending for money but he knew that he was breaking rules of storytelling. He indicated, like I wrote in another post, that Konoha didn't present the ideal conditions for Sasuke and Naruto's relationship and possible union to be legitimized, especially because now Naruto and Sasuke had the weight of the world upon their shoulders.

I surmise that Sasuke thought deeply about Naruto, their relationship and the possibility of a potential union during his journey after the war. He came back and perhaps presented such a proposal to Naruto but Naruto couldn't accept. Naruto had the weight of Konoha's, his friends', and more importantly his parents' expectations on his shoulders, that he will marry a girl one day.

So even though he realised that he felt quite differently and passionately for Sasuke, he decided to reject the offer. He subsequently married Hinata with what is decidedly the most uncharacteristic and lacklustre of motivations and emotional affectation (I mean, Kishi meant for us to notice it in The Last where he decimated Naruto's character, don't you think?).

But Sasuke accepted him nevertheless. His love for Naruto is like a rock steady faith, a prayer. No matter what happens, he can't and won't stop loving and caring for Naruto. He joined in Naruto's goal of uniting all shinobis, and he is accountable to Naruto. So when this panel appeared, I couldn't help but notice a few things.

Sasuke is a man very much in control of his facial expressions, he doesn't let weakness or vulnerability show in any way, it's his character trait. Except when he is with Naruto. His expression here is clearly sad, dejected, resigned, this is very uncharacteristic of Sasuke especially when he is not in an extreme situation. He sounds like a man who didn't get what he wanted (from Naruto) and now is just going through the motions. He sounds like he is taunting Naruto plainatively, kinda like - You got what you wanted Naruto and I am doing what I promised you. What else is there to it?

There's an element of suffering and melancholia here.

Of course he would rather put himself in harm's way over Naruto, but I couldn't help but notice, like you said, how the lines were bolded out, like Kishi really wanted it to be emphasized. Like I said earlier, one has to pay attention to the deliberation and intent with which the author decides to relay information about the characters and their respective equation.

Naruto here looks stung and properly admonished, like Sasuke's taunt really needled him. It doesn't look or sound like their usual banter. It sounds serious, something that is coming from a much deeper place. And then I noticed Sakura's eyes. She looks panicked, alarmed. Why? Why would she panic at Sasuke taunting Naruto like this? By this time, she knows that Sasuke would always prioritise Naruto over her. It just made me think that she knows something about Sasuke and Naruto. Or suspects something. It's possible I am reading too much into it, but Kishi didn't do it without a reason, that much I am sure of. Everything is intentional. I felt like there's a lot of unsaid things here, just roiling under the surface begging to be noticed since Kishi's hands are tied. More so because of the repeated insistence of Kishi to portray SS as forced and unloving, like it was written to keep appearances. Like the way they talk about each other, calling each other 'my husband' and 'my wife'. Who talks like this in Naruto universe? It's weird. Like Sakura mostly sounds like she is overcompensating for the fact that her husband is almost always away and her child is missing because she couldn't do her job properly.

Then there's obviously Sasuke's very visible distaste at seeing Sakura, his wife he has seen after a decade, followed by his general lack of interest in being around her.

He is quite frankly admitting that the only reason he is with Sakura is Sarada. That's how they are connected.

It's not like Kishi doesn't set up the plot for this. It all starts because Sarada cannot reconcile her mother's lack of knowledge about her husband and his whereabouts with the paltry explanation Sakura has been giving Sarada her entire life. Sarada basically represents the curiosity of the fans, since we are all asking the same questions she is.

It's also very amusing to see how Kishi makes Naruto know and tell the answers to the questions Sarada was asking Sakura. And Naruto obviously knows Sasuke's whereabouts at all times. This makes my suspicion even stronger that SS was written as a sham couple, an couple in name only, just for keeping appearances, because well duh. The real couple is very much still Naruto and Sasuke.

And the way Naruto and Sasuke interact with each other or talk about each other, like an actual married couple, only strengthens this suspicion.

It's the fact that Kishi underlines the fact so pointedly that where Naruto and Sasuke know each other intimately, Sakura doesn't even know if Sasuke wears glasses. Where Naruto and Sasuke actually sound like how old married couples sound, Sakura and Sasuke still talk of each other in a very cosmetic manner, which sounds put on. Where Naruto was able to comfort Sarada about her father in a span of a few hours, Sakura couldn't do it in over a decade.

Sakura is still pulling her usual manipulative endeavours to force Sasuke's hand but Kishi relentlessly points out, certainly more times than necessary, how Sasuke and Sakura's marriage is only just a sham, a couple that has never kissed.

Like seriously, why is this needed? If the objective of the story is to provide a sob story for Sarada so that the audience might feel like potentially rooting for her, why imply that Sasuke is just not into Sakura. Like what narrative purpose is it serving in the story exactly? If Gaiden is supposed to serve as a story to set up Sarada's character firmly in Boruto series, through unraveling her central conflict (estranged father daughter relationship), and subsequently resolving it, either ideally do it with Sakura's help (Kishi does it through Naruto :/) or at least don't make it worse by dropping hints left and right about how absolutely farcical SS is! It totally defeats the purpose of the story.

Why would Kishi do it?

From what it looks like, it seems like Kishi is only providing an explanation as to what might have happened in the blank period after the war.

On his travels, Sasuke meditated over the course of action he should take about Naruto and then, he finally proposed to Naruto. Like a love proposal. But Naruto wasn't ready to come out of the closet, so he declined. He haphazardly married Hinata to satisfy everyone's expectations, and Sasuke understood but wasn't necessarily happy with it.

Meanwhile, Sakura relentlessly chased Sasuke and Sasuke, somewhere along the way, relented for a misjudged moment, and as a result, Sarada was conceived (even though the story of her conception sounds very shady), but Sasuke's first priority was always Naruto and the promise he made him. So he couldn't be around, didn't help that he didn't love Sakura. But since family ties were important for him, having grown up with a strong understanding of what a family entails, he couldn't completely abandon them either. So he married Sakura. But is he happy about it? Well clearly not.

In conclusion, Sakura would gladly take the tiny scraps Sasuke throws at her as long as she gets to call Sasuke her husband. Sasuke would give her those tiny scraps if it means his child would get some semblance of a family life, and Naruto would call Sasuke his rival but would talk and act like Sasuke's spouse for all means and purposes.

Does it happen in real life that closeted gay men choose to stay closeted forever for the sake of societal expectations? Sure. Does it happen in real life that people in unloving relationships stay together for the sake of their children? Absolutely. Has it been documented and portrayed in media? Also yes.

Is there a speculative element in my theory? Yes. But I simply don't see any other way to explain this rationally, everything considered.

It's upto fans to decide which theory works for them. But this works for me.

[celeborne]

reminder that will byers is the only reason mike could say the words “i love you”. this is canon and nothing will change that. he could only say it because of will.

will gave mike strength. will made mike feel like he was worth something. will listened to mike express his struggles and insecurities when no one else would. will chose to sacrifice his own feelings just to help mike because that’s how much he loves him. will made mike feel more confident about himself. will made mike feel more loved than anything.

will gave mike the painting he worked so hard on and basically told him “there’s nothing wrong with being a nerd. you talk down on yourself and think that you’re lame and worthless compared to el just because she has powers, but you’re not. you’re the furthest thing from that. and yes, you’re a nerd. but that nerd is the boy that i fell in love with. that nerd is the boy that has made me feel safe my entire life. that nerd is the boy i immediately related to when he walked up to me all alone at the swingset on the first day of kindergarten. that nerd is the boy that has never made me feel like a mistake; like i’m better for being different. that nerd is the boy that holds our party together. that nerd is the boy that understands me better than anyone else. that nerd is the boy that changed my life in the best way possible. and look, here’s a painting of us; our nerdy party, from our nerdy game that we play. i don’t know about you, but i think that being a nerd is the best. and here you are, my knight in shining armour with a heart on your shield, because that’s exactly what you are to me. i’ve always loved you for exactly who you are. not because of societal pressure. not because you’ve done things for me. not because i feel like i owe you something because you saved me. but just simply because you’re YOU. you mean the world to me. i would never walk away from you or leave you behind. i’ll always be by your side and i hope that you’ll always be by my side too, because i will always need you. i love you more than anything.”

all it took was one painting and a beautiful monologue for will byers to make mike wheeler feel more loved than he’s ever felt in his entire life. and although what i wrote above wasn’t what he said exactly, it was everything he was thinking. because will has always loved mike for who he is. it doesn’t matter that he’s a nerd. will is a nerd too! they went through the same struggles growing up and they’ve always shared the same interests. that’s why there’s so much understanding. that’s why they feel safe with each other and why they can actually be themselves without being fake. but it’s heartbreaking that mike doesn’t realise will was talking about his own feelings in the van because THAT is what gave him strength and made him say “i love you”. seriously, no one else has ever made mike feel loved the way that will did in that scene, and that’s exactly why they can’t leave this storyline unresolved. mike’s current relationship is unhealthy, there’s so much miscommunication and misunderstanding and he only said “i love you” because of a lie and because he was forced and pressured into it. he feels inferior and insecure (and so does el) and they don’t feel like equals. it’s not good for either of them. also, will can’t suffer anymore after everything he’s been through.

anyone who can’t see that mike and will have the closest, strongest and most genuine relationship on the entire show clearly isn’t paying attention or simply don’t want to admit it. it’s always been THEM. they were each other’s FIRST friend. they are each other’s safe place. the show started with them. most of the other characters wouldn’t have even met if it weren’t for them. mike’s current relationship would’ve been over if it weren’t for will giving him strength and making him feel loved. they need each other. they understand each other better than anyone else. their relationship has always been different to everyone else’s. mike and will are the heart of this show. they belong together and they deserve to be happy after everything they’ve been through.

[squeiky]

BEASTARS PARALLELS

Volumes used: 10-13 (with slight mentions of volumes before.)

WARNING: Images are edited to fit the book that I (myself) was reading. Since I've been reading the VIZ media books, Its come to my attention that the translations very are different online than it is here. Thus, I've concluded I must translate it all, in order for my points to come arose clearly.

Reminder: Click for better quality, or if you want to read it.

First parallel, is the "I love herbivores/I love carnivores" moment between Legoshi and Louis. Even funnier is that, it seem seems Legoshi is the reason, and Ibuki is the realization.

Also, in my book, When Ibuki ask if his freind is more important to him than the Shishigumi, Louis mentions that both the Shishigumi and Legoshi are both equally important to him. Which is a lot, considering that a parallel drawn within the manga itself is Louis comparing Ibuki to his father.

With the Shishigumi being basically family to him, its astonishing that Legoshi is on the exact same level of importance.

Another note, is that before this interaction and declaration about herbivores, Legoshi was thinking of Haru.

Unironically, Louis made a "eat me" joke to Legoshi, which (atleast in my book) is similar to the "how would I taste?" joke Haru made. This joke was duiring Louis's dream of Haru, before being waken up by Ibuki. This was after Legoshi thought of Haru, though.

Second parallel between the "dreams" and "nightmares" of Louis and Haru. Unsurprisingly both herbivores, that of which he keeps having repetitive dreams/nightmares about.

Weirdly enough, Legoshi agonizes about both of them. Unable to control what he's dreaming about, and slightly suffering because of it. Albeit, different levels of agony.

^goes with Juno and her realization, but eh

Third parallel with Riz vs Legoshi and Louis as the Moth.

In my book, during the fight with Riz (the last panel before he turned into a illusion of moths), Legoshi says "Isn't that right, Moth?", which was within the page that Legoshi was reminiscing over the Moth. Here, instead of a Moth, its Louis. Instead of Riz, its a bunch of drug dealers. Yet, its still the same concept of: for the sake of herbivores.

Of which both battles, he has the enemy surrender.

Also, Legoshi visualizes Louis similarly to how he did the Moth, which... weirdly enough, have both entered his body. Both the Moth and Louis visuals motivate him, and both Moth and Louis teach Legoshi something that he later carries on. (In my book, while conversing with Louis- before eating his leg- he tells him, "That's not all I remember. A lot has happened to us over the past year.//Louis, thanks to you I didn't become a monster.".

Moth and Louis both teach him, or help him in some way. They also motivate him during his fights for justice. They are also both were consumed by him (although Louis is still alive, of course.) Oh, and they were both dreamed about (as the Moth interaction took place when he was knocked out).

Forth parallel is this Louis and Legoshi scene with Juno and Haru's.

(My book for this scene is unavailable, so a direct translation cannot be made. That's why I don't have a picture.)

The scene at the gardening club where Juno calls Haru "cute" and interacts with Haru, realizing why carnivores can never "win" against herbivores

It's not an exact parallel between the two wolves, but its interesting that scenes like this take place in locations where hthe two are alone and simply enjoying anothers company.

The difference being while Juno rejects her emotions towards Haru in fear of ending up "wrapped around her finger" like Louis and Legoshi", Legoshi ends up admitting his emotions towards herbivores, fulling embracing them. (Louis does the whole, "I know." thing too, its great.)

One detail added are the soft hexagons and the dotty gradients that appear in the room. The soft geometric shapes only appear when he's thinking of Louis (see the soft triangles during his "reminiscing over getting high" scene), when he's admitting something deep/personal and when Louis sits next to him/ when they have a nice heart-to-heart.

It's not a parallel, but its a detail I noticed and wanted to bring up.

Thats all for now.

(I'm still learning about Yahya and Gosha, but I can see parallels between the two and Louis and Legoshi. The difference is that I don't think Louis has a grudge against Legohsi for wanting to date haru and stuff. They're not important to this post yet, but I'll bring it up.)

[onewomancitadel]

As I have expressed in the past, Cinder wouldn't have a completely different reception if she were a male character. The difference between her and Adam (say, or separately I/ronwood) isn't just on the basis of gender: notably, Adam and I/ronwood's confidence, bravado, rhetoric, indeed entire belief system and the way they justify themselves (through a greater good persona), etc. are all appealing traits - they don't 'fail' or suffer narratively in the same way Cinder does, and so her 'entitlement' reads differently, and the reveal of her emotionality, vulnerability, and othering torture is too revealing. Even Cinder's own bravado clearly registers (and is observed by other characters) to be covering something up.

This post really covers it, but the emotional archetype of Cinder is part of what's the problem, and it's why even a version of the story where Cinder is male, she wouldn't have the same popularity (or determined argumentation for 'redemption' or justification narratively from Adam-esque fans). In her case, it is certainly a worsening of the circumstances (which similarly doesn't attract the general fandom which is into the male Byronic hero or the male suffering villain), but there would be unacceptable traits about her if you even kept the story as-is. Her ultimate quest is never moralised and there is no ostensible greater good she's working towards. Her story is on much deeper psychological and fairytale terms.

Adam and I/ronwood are both secure masculine figures, and not ideologically in pain: what they struggle with is getting everybody else to go along with what they believe, and make concessions at their own behest, in concordance with what they're willing to allow, which frames the power dynamics very differently - even compare to the way Cinder negotiates and you get a very different picture. This is a really compelling trait, because the conflictedness and the vulnerability (in a physical power sense as well as emotional one) of a character like Cinder - and any other villains of her ilk - is uncomfortable. It doesn't align with traditional male fantasy, made doubly more complicated given that she should be a straightforward bitch. (Separately, this is why Jaune's a tough nut to crack and tends to have most of his characterisation chucked out the window).

I have seen the opinion expressed in the past that Adam is bait for Kylo Ren fans, and I think this is a serious misreading of Kylo Ren and probably equally a serious misreading of Adam. They're not the same villain archetypes, because the draw of Kylo Ren is that he is not ideologically motivated and he is suffering; he represents the decay to be rooted out (and even communicates this very emphatically: It's time to let old things die) but he doesn't have the full thematic picture of regrowth. He's not a political ideologue, he doesn't think what he's doing is for some abstract 'greater good', he's not a utilitarian, he's a mythically trapped Lost Dark Prince Prodigal Son (in a space opera). This is not Adam. Adam is really a reversal of this: the political ideology covers the expression of his ego. I/ronwood is a similar case, even if there is more pathos to his story.

Critically, Kylo Ren (and many villains of his ilk) are often rejected by masculine fandom on the grounds of being too emotional, or too sympathetic - too whiny, too feeling, even when Kylo does cut an imposing figure. It is a complete misreading of his character and other conflicted villains to think they are universally accepted amongst 'that' fandom. You know the ones. 'The bad guy had a point all along' is rarely about empathising with the other side, but usually a contrarian edginess motivated by 'the guy who really understands you have to do bad things to get good outcomes'. Classic ends-justify-the-means I/ronwood adjacent type.

Cinder is a character foregrounded in upheaval and redemption. It's a paradigm shift, not through validating her perspective, but challenging it, and integrating the restorative characteristics.

I think it is absolutely true, though, that interiority is generally not assumed of female characters and discarded even when presented with the opportunity (once again I reject the idea that female characters just 'aren't written well' as an argumentation against this; reconstructive work of male characters with five lines tells you all you need to know) whether she be heroine or villainess. Specifically to Cinder there are detractions to her character that are gender-based: for instance, the very notion of entitlement (compared to Adam or I/ronwood, again, for the sake of this case study) both in terms of what she wants in the story and the very presence of her character, as if she were 'taking up too much space' feels rooted in the fear of feminine hunger. That they have unconsciously leant into this with her is quite interesting. It does give a different flavour to her character (and certainly her perception) that would be different were she a Kylo Ren. There are 'good' female characters who deserve her place, who by no conincidence happen to be fan-favourites meeting (their own projected) acceptable feminine archetypes (even if it leads to a total misreading of everybody involved).

I don't think all is lost, and I don't intend to write a fingerwagging post. I think if you try to humanistically engage with a work and think deeper about it, it tends to mitigate this issue anyway. So, surface-level meta and fandom surveys are always going to highlight these fault-lines, but there are plenty of people who don't necessarily fall prey to this. It's just true of greater fandom troughs and peaks. Equally, it's not like male characters are universally received with praise, because the issue is a little deeper. Morally, redemption-wise, story-wise, there are issues which persist which I've covered under my redemption arc tag as well as my narrative cynicism tag. So I think this reflects gender as well as how people socially engage with basic ideas of change, vulnerability, redemption, even philosophical ideas at large like the ubiquity of utilitarianism (shit).

I don't know if this is any consolation to Cinder fans - and certainly not for the ones who reject similar villains of her fare, for their own reasons, since these fandoms don't necessarily cross over - but I think it's an interesting topic nevertheless, with a certain amount of distance, once you get over the fact she's leagues more interesting than Adam and I/ronwood and whyyyy can't people see it hahaha. I mean, people can like what they like, they can't really help it. Including myself.

[robininthelabyrinth]

LXC offhandedly says something about his relationship with NHS that would be totally innocent from *anyone* else, but sounds scandalously filthy coming from *him*. Bonus points if it's around LWJ and/or WWX and they are floored. Double bonus points if he did it on purpose for revenge over having to listen to *them* all the time. - 🦇

Petty - ao3

The first time was an accident.

No, that wasn’t right. More accurately, the first time was entirely Wei Wuxian’s fault.

(Lan Xichen sometimes thought, not very kindly, that many things were, more than Lan Wangji would necessarily admit to. He had not yet settled with himself if those were his actual thoughts or if it was merely bitterness about everything that had happened and in which Wei Wuxian had played chief role, but that was one of the things he was working on, for himself.

After all those years of being deceived, it was important for him to get to know his own mind, his own thoughts, and to be sure about them.)

“It’s good to see you out and about,” Wei Wuxian said warmly to him when they met again, as if Lan Xichen had only been confined at home with a brief illness rather than in strict seclusion for over a year.

Lan Xichen thought, perhaps, that Wei Wuxian was attempting to translate for Lan Wangji, standing beside him, practically radiating welcome and hopefulness and other such things that Lan Xichen honestly wasn’t equipped to deal with at the moment and had been purposefully ignoring. If so, it was not a very accurate translation, and unnecessary – no one knew his brother better than him.

Certainly not his brother’s long-dead lost love, who hadn’t even known.

“Indeed,” he said, not smiling, and Wei Wuxian’s own smile faded a little, as Lan Wangji’s own hope already had. “Nie Huaisang will be coming to visit me, and I plan to host him at the hanshi.”

That might also have been at Lan Wangji’s request, although only obliquely, if at all – even when he had appeared at his weakest, his most fallible and pathetic, Nie Huaisang had always been as stubborn as an ox (as stubborn as his brother), and no one could make him do anything he didn’t want to do.  This included running his own sect, no matter how much they had tried, and it also included actually listening to the people he’d just begged to solve problems for him. Lan Xichen could remember all the countless times Nie Huaisang had sobbed on his shoulder, and Jin Guangyao’s, too, until they’d given him advice, at which point he would thank them effusively and merrily go along and do whatever he felt like doing regardless. He was very good at getting his own way in the end.

As subsequent events had shown.

Lan Xichen could tell from the expression on Wei Wuxian’s face that he didn’t understand why Lan Xichen would choose to break his seclusion to host Nie Huaisang of all people, especially when he had declined all similar efforts by Lan Wangji, but he wasn’t especially inclined to explain.

If he even could.

How to explain that contemplation had shown that he had been the one to fail Nie Huaisang and not the other way around? Long before they’d ever sworn brotherhood, he had promised Nie Mingjue to watch over Nie Huaisang and aid him whole-heartedly in all his endeavors. Nie Mingjue had always worried, first and foremost, that Nie Huaisang not be lonely, knowing that his brother, born with a weak body, had long struggled with finding his place in his martially-inclined sect – everything else was secondary in Nie Mingjue’s mind, even Nie Huaisang’s personal safety. He’d always said that Nie Huaisang was a proper Nie in that fashion, that he would devote every part of him to the things he loved no matter if it meant death, and there was nothing anyone could do about it; all he’d ever wanted, instead, was for Nie Huaisang not to be alone as he did so.

Lan Xichen had sworn to be there for him.

He hadn’t been.

He’d sworn to stand beside Nie Mingjue, too, promised it in his heart and in the eyes of all the world, and he’d even meant it when he’d done so. And then, despite it all, he’d spent nearly half his life supporting and shielding his murderer – he’d broken so many promises. To the Nie, to himself. The only thing Lan Xichen could do to atone for those failures was to try to do better: to learn from what he’d done, to teach himself what he’d lacked, to make up for his deficiencies. To live up to what little remained of those promises.

And so, if Nie Huaisang wanted to see him, he would see him, even if he had seen no one else.

Wei Wuxian didn’t understand that.

Couldn’t, maybe.

Wei Wuxian was his brother-in-law, he made Lan Wangji happy, and Lan Xichen was grateful for that. He was even grateful, in a painful, agonizing sort of way, for Wei Wuxian’s help in revealing the truth about Jin Guangyao and his dark deeds. But Wei Wuxian forgot pain as soon as it happened and believed everyone else ought to be the same: they were together now, so never mind about all those years Lan Wangji spent alone and in mourning; Jin Guangyao had been a murderer, so never mind about all the good things he’d done or the good times they’d shared; Lan Xichen was out of seclusion, so clearly he’d gotten over everything that had happened.

At least for Lan Xichen, pain did not work that way.

“Well, that’s nice,” Wei Wuxian said after a while, when the silence had gone from merely familiar to actively awkward and Lan Wangji was staring at the ground, his hopes dashed to bits, even though that had not been Lan Xichen’s intent. He loved his brother very much, but he couldn’t heal himself fast enough to assuage Lan Wangji’s guilt at winning his happiness at the expense of Lan Xichen’s pain, nor did he intend to try. “I didn’t know he was coming.”

Lan Xichen did not point out that he was Sect Leader, not Lan Wangji, and that his word was final regarding who did and did not have the right to enter the Cloud Recesses at any time. It would be petty.

He was trying not to be petty. It was very hard.

“I hope to spend some quality time together with him,” Lan Xichen finally said, some meaningless filler designed to let them get out of the current conversational impasse, and was bewildered when Wei Wuxian, possibly inspired by the high tension of the moment, burst out in raucous laughter, reaching out to elbow Lan Wangji in the side.

“I bet you will,” he said, his tone almost jeering. “Quality time, yeah? Just the two of you together in the hanshi and everything.”

It wasn’t until Lan Wangji’s ears reddened slightly that Lan Xichen comprehended what Wei Wuxian was implying. That he had left a year’s seclusion because, what, he wanted to hop into bed with Nie Huaisang?

The mere notion was so puerile that it could barely be considered as rising to the level of a joke, the implication not only crude but actively cruel and disdainful of all the work Lan Xichen had done to put himself back together over the past year, and Lan Xichen had absolutely no idea how he was supposed to respond.

He glanced at Lan Wangji, wondering if his brother would say something – apologize, maybe – but he was clearly unable or unwilling to help. Finally, he shook his head and walked away.

That was the first time.

-

The second time – and many of the other times thereafter – were not accidental at all.

Talking with Nie Huaisang had been wretchedly painful but cleansing, necessary, just as his silent and extended contemplation in seclusion had been. They had not wholly forgiven each other for everything that had happened, whether the harms they had knowingly or unknowingly inflicted or for the agonies they had each suffered, but they were on a path to get there together – each one of them agreeing to learn from what had happened, to try to extend trust to each other, real trust, so that neither of them had to continue on their lonely roads alone.

It might be nearly two decades late, but Lan Xichen was determined to make good on his promise to Nie Mingjue, and Nie Huaisang equally determined in his own way to live up to what his brother would have wanted now that it was an option.

One unexpected aspect of this, interestingly, was how the clash between their values – Lan sect rules, Nie sect principles – gave rise to any number of very interesting analytical conversations. Nie Huaisang was a poor scholar for rules that required rote memorization to learn, but he understood his sect’s moral code down to his bones, well enough to be able to fashion himself a path within it. When pressed for his thoughts on any given subject, his arguments were well-fashioned, logical, and difficult to refute.

Lan Xichen had not enjoyed himself so much in years.

Even in the days when he had wholly believed in Jin Guangyao, his former friend was simply too facile to have a proper back-and-forth with: he would always yield, or seem to, or else dance around the main subject until they were on another on which they could agree; he had always prioritized good feeling over intellecutal growth. He’d never understood what enjoyment could be gotten out of standing your ground on some theoretical or philosophical issue.

At any rate, one of the points Nie Huaisang had won, curiously enough, was in regards to the subject of pettiness: bad in large doses, but acceptable in small, in his view. He compared it to venting frustrations or to understanding and indulging oneself in the positive sense – if you’re a petty person, he said matter-of-factly, you can try to improve yourself, but you’re not going accept yourself unless you just admit it. If that’s the sort of person you were, you wouldn’t get anywhere constantly resisting the urge to fight things out in petty, stupid ways.

Sometimes you just wanted to get into it over something stupid because otherwise you’d get into it over something important, and that was, in Nie Huaisang’s view, not a bad thing: if someone got in your face, get back in theirs.

Lan Xichen was, in many ways, a petty person.

“So, how is Nie Huaisang doing?” Wei Wuxian asked when lunch was not entirely over. Etiquette dictated that Lan Xichen had to respond, and family rules that he knew Wei Wuxian knew made clear it was impermissible to talk over meals: the only acceptable solution, therefore, was for him to consider his half-eaten meal as already complete, respond, and wait until dinner to fill up. And all because Wei Wuxian simply couldn’t wait another half-ke to blurt out his question, because he was too free and unrestrained to honor the rules of the family he had married into just because he personally didn’t think they were important. “Where is he, anyway? I would’ve thought he’d be here with us.”

Lan Xichen put down his bowl with just a little extra more force than he should, enough to make it clink against the table, and Lan Wangji’s eyes tightened a little at the unusual display of irritation.

“He’s still in bed,” Lan Xichen said mildly. “I’m afraid I rather wore him out last night.”

Wei Wuxian choked, misunderstanding, just as Lan Xichen had intended him to.

They’d gotten onto an interesting subject of conversation and had ended up talking most of the previous day’s afternoon and evening, as it happened, and Nie Huaisang was still a sect leader, with important business to attend to; Lan Xichen was fairly sure that after he had retired at the usual time for his sect, Nie Huaisang had worked until nearly dawn. Anyway, Nie Huaisang wasn’t much for set meal-times, not even by Wei Wuxian’s lax standards; he’d shared an early breakfast with Lan Xichen before going to sleep.

“Perhaps you can speak with him later, if you need him,” Lan Xichen said, folding his hands in front of him. “I will pass along your regards when I return to the hanshi. Which I should do now, in fact: I have some correspondence I need to attend to.”

Lan Xichen wondered if Wei Wuxian even noticed that his words signified Lan Xichen’s graceful removal of the work of sect correspondence from Lan Wangji, returning it into his own hands. Lan Qiren and Lan Wangji had managed sect business between them during Lan Xichen’s seclusion, and both had recognized that even though he had emerged from that seclusion he was still very much in the midst of his recovery and neither had tried to push him back into the role of Sect Leader. His announcement that he needed to attend to correspondence indicated that he was shouldering that burden once more – moreover, it was, by Lan sect standards, a rather vicious snub to make the announcement of the transition a public one, however subtle the wording, especially when he did not similarly make any sort of announcement regarding the work his uncle was managing on his behalf.

Petty.

Unnecessarily petty, really – it wasn’t Lan Wangji’s fault that he’d married a man who couldn’t even after all this time comprehend that sometimes you valued something because someone else did, even if you yourself didn’t care for or understand it.  

It was, however, his fault in not putting a stop to Wei Wuxian’s rudeness.

It wasn’t actually hard for a grown man to at least try to respect a rule as basic as do not speak during meals, or for that matter the one about not making tremendous noise late at night when you knew everyone else was sleeping. Having previously been in seclusion, Lan Xichen wasn’t aware of how bad it had gotten, with disciples rearranging their living quarters further and further away from any place Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian might be found breaking the rules against excessive promiscuity – and really, Lan Wangji should know better. No one was asking that he refrain from being in love, even extravagantly so, but they did live in a community, and he ought to have basic respect for others, even if it meant occasionally saying no to his beloved long-lost and miraculously reunited lover.

Lan Xichen knew how hard it was for him to say no, of course; he suffered from the same generosity of spirit as his brother. But hadn’t everything that had happened a year ago shown the folly of always saying yes?

-

“Ah, Wei-xiong,” Lan Xichen said a few days later when they crossed paths in the middle of the day. “Are you on your way to the apothecary? Could I ask you to pick up a few items for me?”

Wei Wuxian shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, presumably still aching from the bout of early afternoon delight that he and Lan Wangji had been indulging in over by the cold spring – which was meant to be a place for cultivation for all, not a private garden in which the young master of the sect could frolic like one of his pet rabbits. It would have to be cleaned before anyone else could use it, and Lan Wangji was undoubtedly back there giving those orders now, his forehead ribbon no doubt askew from having been utilized in private activity before being hastily replaced.

“Certainly, Xichen-xiong,” he said. “What do you need?”

“Some ointments of the sort used for stretching and to ease pain,” Lan Xichen said. “Huaisang has been complaining of soreness and stiffness as of late.”

He had, of course – among his misfortunes, Nie Huaisang had been born with something of a crooked spine, and his lower back would sporadically spasm, causing him great pain. Not that that was what Wei Wuxian was thinking of, of course.

“I’ve tried using my hands on him,” Lan Xichen added, allowing himself to sound regretful – which he was, as he hated to see Nie Huaisang suffering. “But he says it’s not enough, given the, ah, magnitude of the issue. I want to get him some relief and make sure he’s comfortable…I’m sure you understand.”

He was sure Wei Wuxian did not.

“Uh, sure,” Wei Wuxian said, barely bothering to hide the fact that he was giggling under his breath. “I’ll grab some for you, no problem…you should really ask Nie Huaisang to give you some, uh, books. To provide you with some guidance.”

“He’s provided several,” Lan Xichen said peaceably. Nie Huaisang was extremely fussy; naturally he would ensure that Lan Xichen was well supplied in guides on massage before allowing him to tend to him. “But thank you for the suggestion.”

Wei Wuxian nodded and saluted briefly, clearly ready to move on.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen said, as if only just remembering. “And tell Wangji that he doesn’t need to come to the meeting this evening – I know the two of you have better things to do with your time than having him listen to interminable reports on agriculture.”

Wei Wuxian actually smiled at that, as if the quarterly agricultural reports from the farms that fed the entire Cloud Recesses weren’t one of the most critical duties for Lan clan members to attend to and one that Lan Wangji had been assisting with since the age of twelve.

That task accomplished, Lan Xichen returned to the hanshi, where Nie Huaisang was scowling over the initial reports that had come in from the furthest farms in writing – he’d already offered to supplement any harvest shortfalls with the excess from Qinghe’s own extremely productive fields, but any shortage in one area could lead to shortages in others; no one wanted another famine among the common people the way there had been during the Sunshot Campaign and the hard years thereafter.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” he asked doubtfully when Lan Xichen mentioned that he’d excused Lan Wangji from attending that evening and would therefore be doubly reliant on Nie Huaisang’s recollection of the meeting afterwards. “Lan Wangji may think you’re punishing him for marrying Wei Wuxian, which you’re not.”

“I’m not,” Lan Xichen agreed, because he wasn’t. If anything, he’d encouraged them to get together, and no matter the cost to himself, he was happy that Lan Wangji had achieved his heart’s desire after wanting it for such a long time.

“He may also interpret it as you punishing him for failing to control his spouse.”

“I don’t want him to control his spouse,” Lan Xichen said. “I want him to have some self-respect. Wangji has always greatly respected the rules of our sect and, until now, has always thought carefully before choosing to break them, accepting the consequences for doing so no matter how harsh. If I believed that Wangji truly disagreed with the rules, I would be willing to engage with him on the subject in good faith, but that isn’t what’s happening. He still believes in the rules.”

“He just doesn’t have the balls to tell Wei Wuxian that he wants him to stop stamping all over them?”

Lan Xichen huffed lightly. “I wouldn’t have put it that way.”

“But it’s what you think,” Nie Huaisang concluded.

“It is,” Lan Xichen said. “They’re going to spend the rest of their lives together – is Wangji planning on letting Wei Wuxian to win every argument without fail, no matter the cost to himself? Is he even planning on informing with him what the cost of his actions is? To always give and never take is not an equal relationship.”

“And your increased sensitivity on the subject of keeping secrets from your loved ones for, purportedly, their own good is completely beside the point, I assume?”

“The fact that I’m sensitive doesn’t make me wrong,” Lan Xichen said. “If Wangji is keeping secrets from Wei Wuxian, if he’s unwilling to rely on him or share his troubles with him, if he intends to one-sidedly sacrifice everything for him without even consulting with him as to whether he would be willing to accept such a sacrifice, then what they have isn’t a marriage.”

There was a house filled with purple gentians in the Cloud Recesses that stood as the eternal reminder of what that sort of marriage looked like, a terrible sacrifice that eventually became as much of a shackle on the recipient as it had been on the giver. Lan Xichen wouldn’t allow Lan Wangji to make that mistake.

And as for Wei Wuxian...if he truly oved Lan Wangji, he wouldn’t want it, either.

Lan Xichen certainly hadn’t.

Nie Huaisang sighed gustily. “All right, fine, fine. You know me, I’m always in favor of people standing up for what they think is the right thing even when it’s hard –” This was an almost grotesque understatement, but the friendship they were forging now was in some large parts based on the gallows humor emerging from their shared traumas. “– so I will reluctantly endorse your actions and, even more reluctantly, attend your meeting with you to take notes for later.”

“I appreciate your help. And your endorsement, of course.”

-

“Nie Huaisang has gotten much better at playing the xiao,” Lan Xichen remarked to Wei Wuxian on the day he removed Lan Wangji from the teaching roster and disqualified him from accompanying the juniors in night-hunts. “He’s a very – hands-on learner.”

Wei Wuxian snorted.

“I’ve been demonstrating the proper technique for him. Breath control is paramount, naturally, but of course you also have to know what to do with your tongue…”

Wei Wuxian was full on sniggering. “Oh, I bet,” he said salaciously. “I’m sure you’re a very hands-on teacher, eh, Xichen-xiong?”

“I want him to excel,” Lan Xichen agreed. “And that means plenty of practice…oh, I’m sorry, Wei-xiong. I shouldn’t have interrupted you – you were running somewhere?”

Right in the middle of the main pathways, no less, where the quick footfalls and sudden movement had startled countless people into very nearly raising an alarm before they realized there wasn’t anything to worry about. There were too many of them that remembered the war.

They had taken comfort in the enforced tranquility of the Cloud Recesses, before.

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it,” Wei Wuxian said breezily. “Just had an idea and wanted to get back to my workshop as quickly as possible, that’s all.”

“I see,” Lan Xichen said. “I won’t stand in your way, then.”

He actually was teaching Nie Huaisang how to play the xiao, at his request – he’d made some comparisons to it while debating a matter of ethics, and Nie Huaisang was determined to learn just enough to argue back in kind.

Lan Xichen didn’t have any illusions that Nie Huaisang would stick with it any more than he’d stuck with any other type of cultivation – he’d first tried teaching him musical cultivation when he was a child without any success at all, and Jin Guangyao’s example had definitely not endeared Nie Huaisang to the concept – but it was rather nice to discuss music without necessarily focusing on the backdrop of cultivation within it.

Accordingly, he continued the metaphor with Wei Wuxian for several days running. He talked about how energetic a student Nie Huaisang was –“He’s wearing me out,” he said, shaking his head. “Draining me dry…” – and mentioned that they were having an interesting time going back and forth on the subject of fingering, despite Nie Huaisang’s claims that his weak fingers weren’t nearly as suited for quick, assured movement as Lan Xichen’s.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about,” Lan Xichen had said, even as Wei Wuxian had nearly cried from laughter. “His fingers are very flexible, and I get a great deal of enjoyment from his enthusiasm. Skill comes later.”

“Definitely something you have to work on together,” Wei Wuxian said enthusiastically. “It gets better as you go, doesn’t it?”

In the past few days, he had brought alcohol into public places, rather than leaving it in the jingshi where the breach would be a minor one, and tried to encourage the juniors to share it with him, although they’d refused; he’d even tried to bully them into doing so using his superior age and the respect they’d owed him until Lan Xichen had intervened with ‘urgent’ tasks for the juniors instead.

He had loudly speculated regarding one sect elder’s marital affairs after the man had refused to speak with him following a disagreement, breaking both the rules against malicious gossip and those against disrespecting the older generation all at once. He had gone hunting and fishing right outside the boundary line of the Cloud Recesses in clear sight of the disciples, including several who were attempting to practice cultivation based on compassion for all creatures; several others were pulled from their usual tasks to go purify the ground according to their customs, including a careful check of their wells to ensure that the blood and viscera had not seeped into the groundwater that ran so high and near to the surface.

In return, Lan Xichen relieved Lan Wangji of his requirement to go patrolling – “You’re married now, after all,” he’d said to Wei Wuxian, as if it wasn’t a duty shared by adult every sect member, “I’m sure you want the benefit of his company at night. Isn’t that right?” – and revoked his access to the restricted areas of the sect, including the discipline hall of which he had had sole charge since before the age of fifteen. He asked his uncle to resume the full schedule of teaching, including the classes which had previously been shifted in part over to Lan Wangji – his uncle agreed, understanding his motives, although he looked sick to his stomach with anxiety the way he always did when Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji were fighting – and had publicly chided one of the juniors for “bothering” Lan Wangji with questions regarding his cultivation.

“Aren’t you so old already?” he scolded gently, a smile fixed on his face and his eyes firmly on the junior instead of his brother standing beside him. “You can’t go running to Wangji with every little issue that comes to mind. Reflect on yourself, and take pains not to be a burden to others.”

The junior appeared very nearly on the verge of tears, and he was not the only one. He, at least, understood the significance of Lan Xichen issuing the reprimand in public – if the junior in question had truly been pestering Lan Wangji with too many questions, it would have been a tremendous rebuke to him personally; as he had not, and everyone knew he had not, it was a clear order from the sect leader that no one was to bring any questions to Lan Wangji.

“Brother,” Lan Wangji said, his voice low and hurt.

“I know you must be tired, recently,” Lan Xichen said, looking back at him with a steady, unflinching gaze. “I understand that you and your husband have been taking long walks at night.”

Through residential areas, no less, and Lan Wangji knew better. Perhaps their sect was too strict with the rules about waking and resting, strict enough that the other sects laughed at them over it, but the rules were in place for a reason. Even if Lan Wangji himself was feeling restless enough to wander at night, there were places he could go that were designated specifically for that – gardens, mountain paths, what have you – where their wanderings would not bother others who had already gone to sleep.

Lan Wangji hesitated, his shoulders rising to his ears, but he dropped his gaze to the ground and nodded, conceding the point.

He knew better.

He knew better, he cared about doing better, and he let Wei Wuxian walk all over him anyway.

“It must be difficult to go walking at zi hour and wake at mao,” Lan Xichen said. “Perhaps waking at si hour would suit you better.”

Lan Wangji looked stricken. After over thirty years of waking at the appropriate time, he would have to be suffering from true bone-deep exhaustion for him not to rise at mao hour per their rules; Lan Xichen’s suggestion, if he enforced it, would do nothing but restrict him from leaving the jingshi until that later time.

Confinement was not a punishment Lan Xichen inflicted lightly on anyone, least of all his brother. His brother, who had suffered just as much from what had happened to their mother as he had.

“Perhaps you can use the additional time to talk to your spouse,” Lan Xichen said.

Tell him that you don’t like how he ignores all our rules like he’s trying to make a contest out of it, he meant. Tell him that you wince every time he puts his foot in it, every time he offends someone he didn’t have to, every time he disrespects our ancestors and all but spits on everything they cared about. Tell him that you’ll compromise on some rules, the ones that are genuinely hard for him, but that you want him to follow others out of respect for the fact that they mean something to you.

He would do it for you, Wangji. He loves you. You don’t always have to be the one to sacrifice.

Just tell him.

Lan Wangji’s lips pressed together.

Another refusal. It wasn’t that Lan Xichen didn’t know how stubborn his brother could be, especially in matters relating to Wei Wuxian, and he didn’t really want to match wills against him – he never really had, not in all their life. He loved his little brother so very much, and so Lan Xichen always been the one to yield, the one to give in, the one to make up the difference between them. The one to encourage him, the one to look the other way: whatever Lan Wangji had needed or even wanted, Lan Xichen had sought to give him.

Even the dreadful punishment with the discipline whip had been something Lan Xichen had sought to avert, and would have, if only Lan Wangji had not so self-destructively insisted upon it.

He had allowed it to proceed only because he thought that the physical pain would give Lan Wangji some measure of relief from the enormous emotional pain he was suffering from.

But now – this wasn’t just a temporary physical pain that Lan Wangji was trying to choose.

This was the rest of his life.

Lan Xichen was not going to back down over this.

“Si hour it is, then,” he said with a sigh. Nor would he revoke the instruction he had implicitly given to the juniors that Lan Wangji was no longer an acceptable advisor, unable to guide them in the Lan sect rules that he was constantly defying by proxy. “It’s for the best, I suppose. It’ll help habituate you.”

Lan Wangji looked up sharply.

Lan Xichen met his gaze head on. His brother, he reflected, was for once the one underestimating his stubbornness.

“I understand,” he said, his words very slow and very deliberate and very carefully chosen, “that rising at si hour is customary in the Lotus Pier, if a little late. That’s where Wei Wuxian picked up his habits, was it not?”

Lan Wangji’s eyes were wide as if he couldn’t believe Lan Xichen was saying what he was saying.

Perhaps he had become infected by Wei Wuxian’s obliviousness and needed things to be said flat out.

Very well.

“The Cloud Recesses is the home of the Lan,” Lan Xichen said. “Our lives are here, guided by our rules that are laid out on the Wall of Discipline for all to see. It is the life we have all chosen, freely and without coercion – but I know it is not the life for everyone.”

“Brother!” Lan Wangji exclaimed, and he actually looked viscerally upset, the expression clear enough on his face that even Wei Wuxian ought to be able to tell what he was feeling.

“You don’t have to follow them if you don’t want to, Wangji,” Lan Xichen continued, inexorable. He, like most of his sect, disliked this sort of straightforwardness, but he was Nie Mingjue’s sworn brother and Nie Huaisang’s brother by proxy; he knew how to wield his words with the brutality of a saber as well as the grace of a sword or the gentle lilt of the xiao. “But I will not allow you to continue making a mockery of them. Not here.”

Lan Wangji looked as if he’d been stabbed.

No – Lan Xichen had seen his brother get stabbed. He had taken that better than this.

“I will write to Sect Leader Jiang by the end of the week,” Lan Xichen said, and clasped his hands behind his back to keep them from trembling. Tell him before then. Please. “Between the two of us, I’m certain that we can find somewhere to suit both you and your husband, so that you may live as free and unrestrained as you wish.”

He did Lan Wangji the honor of not looking back as he walked away.

He knew his brother wouldn’t want him to see the tears.

-

It was, if anything, a pleasant surprise when Wei Wuxian burst into Lan Xichen’s home less than a day later. Lan Xichen had thought it would take at least three.

“What is wrong with you?” Wei Wuxian shouted, slamming his hands down on the table in front of Lan Xichen. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Is it me? If it’s me you have a problem with, say it to my face directly!”

Lan Xichen finished swallowing the tea he’d just sipped. “Not everything is about you,” he said, feeling tired. “This is about Wangji.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes were red-rimmed as if he, too, had been crying.

“You’re not seriously planning on kicking him out of the Cloud Recesses because I broke a few of your rules, are you?” he asked, biting off each word individually. “He’s your brother. He’s a perfect Lan – he ran your sect for a year!”

“Our sect,” Lan Xichen corrected. “Wangji will always have a place here, as will you.”

Wei Wuxian crossed his arms over his chest. “Then why is he convinced that you want him to go?”

Lan Xichen sighed.

“I’m sure his knees hurt,” he said.

“…what?”

“His knees,” Lan Xichen said. “From all the kneeling he’s been doing.”

Wei Wuxian looked truly bewildered now. “Are you – making a sex joke?” he said. “Now?”

“No, though I’m unsurprised you took it as one,” Lan Xichen said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “I’m referring to all the kneeling in penance that my brother has been doing to atone for all the rules he has been breaking on your behalf. You wouldn’t have noticed it, as I assume he’s been deliberately hiding it from you.”

Wei Wuxian stared at him. “He’s been kneeling?”

“Wangji cares very deeply about our sect’s traditions,” Lan Xichen said. “He would never have been made the head of the discipline hall if he didn’t. He knows them backwards and forwards, better than anyone except for my uncle and the sect elders that specialize in it. They’re important to him.”

“But –”

“He keeps track of every rule you instigate him into breaking,” Lan Xichen said flatly. “Every single one, large and small, major or minor, and he tries to do his best to pay for what he’s done because he’d rather kneel all night without getting any sleep, rather hurt his hand copying out rules, rather endure a beating or two if it means he doesn’t have to tell you to stop.”

Wei Wuxian’s mouth was slightly agape.

“Do you remember the story I told you about our parents? I shared that story with you for a reason, because I wanted you to better understand Wangji. We all carry the scars our parents left on us, and he’s no different. He’s so afraid of imprisoning you the way our father did our mother that he has decided to follow in our father’s footsteps by sacrificing everything for you.”

“I don’t – I don’t want him to sacrifice anything for me!”

“I know,” Lan Xichen said simply. “That’s why I said that this wasn’t about you. Yes, now that you live here, you should follow our rules, or at least respect them – and respect means respect, not playing around to see how many loopholes you can find in them. Do you think we don’t know about them? That no one in the history of our sect has ever figured out that ‘do not take life within the premises’ could be subverted by taking a life directly outside of it?”

Wei Wuxian was silent.

“We follow the rules because we want to,” Lan Xichen said. “They’re the rules our ancestors put together and handed down. They are meaningful to us, even when they are awkward or seem pointless. Even when other people laugh at us or belittle us or act like we’re stupid for choosing to behave the way we do.”

Wei Wuxian winced.

“Your conduct would be a problem if you were a guest,” Lan Xichen continued. “But you are not a guest. You are Wangji’s husband, my brother-in-law. You are family. If you do not wish to obey the rules, you do not have to, and you will still be welcome here. But Wangji wants to obey the rules – it is only that he fears losing you more.”

“How long have you been having this argument?” Wei Wuxian asked, because he wasn’t actually stupid, merely oblivious.

“I started taking away his responsibilities on the third day following my exit from seclusion,” Lan Xichen said. “I have steadily escalated it with every rule you have incited him into breaking with you since. And still, he refused to speak with you.”

Wei Wuxian’s hands were clenched into fists. He looked down at them.

“I know how much you love my brother,” Lan Xichen said. “If he had told you that it mattered to him, you would have found a way to reach a compromise with him – of that I have no doubt. But if it wasn’t the rules, it would be something else; some other thing that he would choose to sacrifice, another situation where he would choose to endure agony over having a mildly uncomfortable conversation with you. That was why I couldn’t just reach out to you directly. It had to be him; he had to be the one to tell you.”

“I understand,” Wei Wuxian said. “I don’t…I’d rather find it out over this than have him throw away his life instead of telling me I was being stupid.”

Lan Xichen nodded. That had been his fear as well, and the reason that one of his first moves had been to restrict Lan Wangji from going out on night-hunts.

“I’ll talk to him,” Wei Wuxian said, and scrubbed his face. His eyes had started tearing up again. “I’ll – I’ll talk to him. I’ll make him understand that it’s not – he can’t just do that! He didn’t even ask me if I wanted him to give all of that up for me; he knew I wouldn’t want him to, that’s why he didn’t ask, and he just went ahead and did it anyway. He didn’t tell me that he was suffering, that you were taking away his responsibilities! He didn’t say a single word, and I just blithely carried on thinking everything was fucking all right and all the while he was suffering, and – and he – he…oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”

Lan Xichen blinked.

“I did the exact same fucking thing to Jiang Cheng!” Wei Wuxian exploded. He leapt to his feet. “I’m such a fucking idiot! Lan Zhan and me, we’re both – we’re really well matched, aren’t we?”

He shook his head.

“I’ll talk to Lan Zhan,” he said again, and he looked grimly determined the way he had in the war, the same expression shining through even with a new face. “Don’t worry, Xichen-xiong. I’ll make him understand.”

He turned on his heel and marched out of the room.

Lan Xichen watched him go, thinking to himself that he might have inadvertently done something good for Wei Wuxian as well through all of this. And perhaps it would help Lan Wangji’s own crisis to see Wei Wuxian going through the same – because Lan Wangji’s crisis had already taken place.

He could have lied to Wei Wuxian’s face over why they were leaving. He could have chosen not to tell him that Lan Xichen was forcing him out, cutting him off; he could have kept it secret, hidden, could have come up with some story or just left it all unsaid. If he was truly determined to never let any of his pain onto Wei Wuxian’s shoulders, he could have done that.

He’d chosen to come clean instead.

Maybe now they’d be able to move forward as equals, as partners.

(And, if they were really lucky, maybe finally reaching agreement to stop breaking all the rules all the time would mean that they’d stop having sex on every possible available surface and keep it to the jingshi and a few gardens. No one else needed to see that. Really.)

-

“I see that Wangji-xiong and Wei-xiong are now even more disgustingly in love than ever before,” Nie Huaisang said. “And that Wei-xiong seems to have finally gotten over his obsession with defying authority through violating each and every one of the Lan sect rules. I was only away at the Unclean Realm for three days, you know.”

“I work fast,” Lan Xichen said with a smile.

Lan Wangji had come to him, eyes red, and put his head in Lan Xichen’s lap the way he used to as a child, and they’d talked. For hours, they’d talked, in the slow and halting way they had – where each word was carefully considered, each emotion analyzed, and only a quarter of conversation was said out loud – and at the end of it, they were both completely wrecked, but stronger for it.

They’d talked about their parents, which they had never verbalized before; they talked about Jin Guangyao, and Nie Mingjue, and Wei Wuxian, both past and present. They talked about their ruined expectations, their hopes, their guilt; they talked about the rules that bound them both, the ones that served them as both strength and weakness, the foundation on which they relied in their times of doubt. They talked about love, and fear, and anger.

They’d promised to never to need to have to have this conversation ever again, and they were both very determined to keep that promise.

Lan Qiren had agreed to work with Wei Wuxian regarding which rules could be bent and which ones ought not be – finally giving him the full version of education he’d missed out on when he’d been returned home too early by Jiang Fengmian all those years before, because copying rules didn’t mean understanding them – and Lan Xichen had returned to Lan Wangji all the responsibilities and privileges he’d taken away from him, much to the relief of all the juniors that had been suffering through their fight.

(Lan Wangji confided in Lan Xichen that he was relieved that Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi had been away on a long visit to Lanling Jin throughout the entire debacle, and Lan Xichen wholeheartedly agreed.)

“That you do,” Nie Huaisang said. “Did being straightforward help?”

“More than expected,” Lan Xichen conceded. That had been one of the things he and Nie Huaisang had been discussing these past few weeks, the merits of straightforwardness against obliqueness, and they’d both argued both sides of the issue, given their personal experiences. “I will grant you that it served its purpose well in this situation.”

“Good,” Nie Huaisang said, and put his chin into his hands. “Now tell me, what’s this I hear about you and me being the subject of a series of apparently godawful sex jokes?”

Lan Xichen froze.

Nie Huaisang grinned.

“It was…a metaphor?” Lan Xichen tried. “A means of communicating with Wei Wuxian while not acknowledging the ongoing situation, and a message about paying attention to underlying meaning.”

“Try again,” Nie Huaisang said gleefully. “You could’ve done that without invoking my name.”

“Who else could I invoke? I spend all my time with you!”

All the time he wasn’t being Sect Leader, that was. If there was one good thing that had come out of this entire debacle beyond his heart-to-heart with Lan Wangji, it was that Lan Xichen had been so anxious over Lan Wangji that he had forgotten his own fears about resuming his position, and now that he was back, it didn’t seem as scary as it had when he’d been alone in his room in seclusion.

Nie Huaisang did not appear especially moved by this eminently logical argument. He put his hands over his heart and fluttered his eyelashes, saying in an affected, almost operatic voice, “And all this time I never knew you felt like that, Xichen-gege –”

Lan Xichen choked.

“To think that all of this time that we spent cloistered together, pure as virgins, we could have been doing all sorts of things – using my, what was the term used, ample assets –”

Lan Xichen wondered if it would be possible for the ground to swallow him up at this very second. Failing that, a sect emergency would do.

Possibly an invasion?

“– and this, of course, refers to my extremely large…stock of picture books.”

“Huaisang…”

Nie Huaisang laughed at his face and settled down across from him. “I’m not ready to court or be courted,” he said. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“No,” Lan Xichen said. “I’m not either, I don’t think.”

He was starting to think that he might be one day, though. That there would be a day – a distant day, far in the future, just barely coming into view – where his days would be more all right than not, where he could make decisions and be confident that he was making them for himself and not to cover up some mess of trauma.

And maybe, when that day arrived for him, it would also arrive for Nie Huaisang, who was himself digging himself back out of the deep pit he had made in his soul seeking his lonely vengeance.

“Still,” Nie Huaisang said thoughtfully. “Since Wei-xiong and Lan Wangji are on their way here right now to join us, and given that I’m already crushing your hopes and dreams…”

Lan Xichen foresaw a great deal of mockery in his future, and he was almost looking forward to it.

“…do you want to pretend to be making out on the table that they’ll have to drink tea off until they catch us and plead for mercy?”

Well.

Lan Xichen did always say that he was petty.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

In continuation to this post about Dooku’s stupid sad face, let’s wallow some more! This man is the worst and I wish he’d quit breaking my heart. 

Much like being ordered to use his connection to Yoda to try and destroy him visibly broke Dooku’s heart (no, I’m not kidding, I promise there’s evidence for that, please check it out, oh my gosh Dooku why are you like this), being told to get rid of Ventress clearly hurt him so much. 

There is just so much to talk about here. There are several key things in this episode (s3ep12 - Nightsisters). For one thing, after Dooku kneels to Sidious in the first scene, we never see him standing up again - except to kneel again, or when we see him through a com. So ‘Lord Tyranus’ is, in fact, nothing more than a beaten dog, whose only power is an image - that is, a mirage. It’s a nice touch, and a good reminder that those who follow the Dark Side are, in fact, nothing but slaves - and most notably, they are slaves to themselves, which is what happens here. 

Dooku does not want to give up Ventress. He readily admits that she is important to him - and isn’t that foolish? Why would you ever tell a Sith Lord that there is something in the Galaxy beside yourself that you value? What’s more, he immediately interjects when Sidious says that she is ‘too important.’ 

To question his Sith Master like that is reckless and dangerous. Dooku is cunning, calculating, and most of all, self-serving - so for him to speak out like this means he couldn’t help himself. That’s how much he valued her. Unfortunately, the Dark will always make you value yourself more. Indeed, when Sidious questions his loyalty - loyalty that is nothing but a sham, which they both know, because the way of the Sith is to stab each other in the back - Dooku is quick to say that he’d never train his own apprentice. (Which, you know, he does next episode when he gets Savage.)

But anyway, this is Dooku’s face right before he agrees to kill Ventress - and right before he bows - practically kowtows - to Sidious. It’s pure anger. 

But he agrees nonetheless. None of his anger, none of his hatred, none of his rage give him any power at all. And so, to preserve himself - because again, that’s what the Dark Side makes you do - he bows like an animal. When Anakin holds on to people because he can’t bear not to have them in his life, Dooku cuts people off because he is endangered by his connections, because of the position he put himself into in his quest for power. (Which is again quite ironic - a man called ‘Lord’ greets the man calling him that with complete subservience.) They go about it differently, but they are both undone by selfishness (and it’s not me saying it, it’s Lucas).

The most heartbreaking part about all of this though? When Dooku casts Ventress off, he’s not angry, he’s sad and defeated. 

Just look at his face when he calls her ‘child.’

He is framed as off-balanced and cracked, ffs! And just look at his eyes.

Listen to his voice in that scene! How slowly he talks, how regretful he sounds! He looks away when he tells her he’s ordered the troops to abandon her. And when he looks at her again, listen to how stiff and impersonal his words are, in direct contrast to his previous... well, gentleness.

To save himself, he destroys a part of himself. That’s Anakin’s story. That’s Maul’s story, that’s the story of the Dark - in trying to gain something for themselves, they give up what matters. Maul tries to gain power and loses his body, then tries to gain revenge and loses the remainder of his life to a pointless endeavor that will never fulfill him. Anakin tries to preserve himself from the pain of loss and ends up losing everything he holds dear to his own actions. Dooku tries to protect his own life, and in the end has nothing to live for, and eventually dies. They all hurt themselves through their self-centeredness. 

Just go and watch how defeated Dooku is when he says “I have done as you’ve asked, Asajj Ventress is dead.” Just look at his eyes right here:

And the worst thing is: this is the second time this has happened. Because Dooku did not fall because of Qui-Gon’s death - he was already a Sith when Naboo happened (as per s6ep10, The Lost One + the AotC timeline that was already too tight for him to have fallen, become Sidious’ apprentice and killed Syfo-Dias after Naboo rather than before). 

Dooku has been subjecting himself to the Dark - to his own base need for self-preservation - for over ten years at this point, and he keeps doing it. He keeps repeating the same mistakes, because no matter how much he loved Qui-Gon, or Ventress, or Yoda, when faced with the question ‘what do I choose between my own interest and the interest of someone I love’ the answer of the Dark is always: “I choose ME.” 

And the consequence is always suffering, for all the parties involved. 

It’s not a coincidence that this very ep shows us Ventress’ first Master - her real Master, in the ways that mattered - Ky Narec.

One looks at her with pride and love - the other with bitterness, and regret, when he can look at her.

One she looks up to with joy, absolute trust and equal love - the other leaves her terrified, betrayed and alone. 

Just compare Dooku to Obi-Wan - who always tries his hardest to save the ones he loves instead of preemptively cutting them off (Qui-Gon in TPM, Satine in s5, Ahsoka on Mortis, Cody in s7, Anakin because the Mustafar duel was choreographed to show that he was trying to let Anakin tire himself out and cool down, Luke in ANH) - and more often than not fails, but still tries no matter the cost to himself - and who lets go of what he has lost instead of holding onto bitterness and anger. Compare Dooku to Yoda, who is ready to give up his own safety and happiness, who is ready to die to protect Anakin (again, not kidding, here’s when it happens) rather than to pursue the outcome he wants. Yoda and Obi-Wan die with smiles on their faces, at peace, because the key to it all - the difference between love and attachment, and between love and self-preservation, and between letting go and cutting off, and between true power and the lies of the Sith - is always selflessness.

Whereas the Sith are slaves to their selfish impulses, the Jedi have the freedom to say no, I’m not going to save myself, I’m going to do what’s right, and I will be happier for it no matter how much it cost me. 

The whole point of this angstfest was to say: dammit, Dooku! He used to be wise enough and strong enough to know better, and he still did this to himself, and then dragged the entire Galaxy into chaos and darkness. And I love him so much, and this self destruction that is characteristic of the Sith breaks my heart.

[strangecreationchaos]

ok , so people comparing feysand and nessian scenes with elucien and calling it a canon mating bond like them!

so

1. feyre was attracted to rhys since their first meeting. we all hated rhys for what he was doing under the mountain but with every hateful scene he was helping feyre from dying. yes feyre was in love with tamlin and she showed hell lot of hatred for rhysand for a very long time. but with every second scene rhysand was helping her , saving her. the moment rhysand was the only one who bet for feyre against the middengard worm i so wished them to be together! because those were the moment when tamlin was doing nothing but sitting silently.

2. cassian hated nesta for not supporting his own sister from suffering while she sit and did nothing. and nesta responded to him with equal venom all the time. but nesta was always affected when mor was with cassian. and cassian mentioned it clearly from the beginning that he can't resist her. he can't avoid her. he always want a reaction from her. he didn't even miss a chance to go to her in the pov of acomaf becoz yes no matter the hatred they are craving for eachother.

3. elain hated lucien when she first met him , when her first question to him was "you are there and you are responsible for what happened"! then start the eternal suffering of elain ,her random babblings. and yes lucien was there to help her but he wasn't able to understand her. what rhys did to feyre that saved her , what cassian did to nesta when she is thrown into the house of wind was saving her from the pain she was going through. but lucien was never able to understand what's going on with elain. but at the same time azriel did.

her power , only azriel was able to see her. lucien was longing untill the first few pages but when she told about the fire bird lucien decided to leave which is his decision to go away from elain , whether to impress her or whether to stay away that is still a question!! but at that time azriel went to save her , risked his life and that was the moment when elain decided to choose him. and before that very moment the lucien's mother and helion's relationship comes to view. the most important question was why they needed their story ? when even after being married to someone else lucien's mother fall for helion and have a baby with him!

azriel not only protected elain but also helped her building a garden which is her passion at the time when lucien stay confused how to communicate with elain! he is bringing her gloves, earrings things that she doesn't like , its not just the anger but the understanding gap.

even when rhys was helping feyre and feyre was unknown to that and hating him still rhys was not only concerned but also finding ways to help her ,to save her ,he was trying to understand her.

what elucien is lacking is a communication gap , and also a understanding for eachother. and as per silver flames story even lucien is loosing interest over elain and getting more connected to vassa and jurian. and azriel getting closer to her more and more by not just protecting her but also helping and caring for her.

elucien may be same like feysand and nessian on setuation basis and for the mating bond. but in case of emotional level and feelings they are far away from eachother where at the same time elriel are blooming with their understanding and emotions.

[ginanosakka]

Passed Down Trauma

Masterlist

The War Has Begun | Next

“Why are you attempting to assassinate Eito L/N?”

“I’m not.”

“You’re lying, L/N. We found the notes in your home, we found the gun hidden in your car, and all of Japan has seen the video of you slandering your own father. Why did you do it?” Officer Yuikmara slammed his hands on the table in attempts to strike fear in you.

Without faltering, you said with a smile, “I can’t tell you what I didn’t do. . . but I can tell you that you have twenty four hours to let me go before it all gets fully released, Mr. Yuikmara.”

Katsuki and Kirishima stood in the living room of Katsuki’s apartment on what felt like pounds of questions and anxiety. Everything was going smoothly in the operation to protect Y/N and Ryu — now one was missing and the other was in police custody. The tension in the room was thick and despite Eijirou’s tendency to lighten situations, he made no move to ease his friend’s mind. In fact, deep down he wanted Katsuki to suffer for reasons that he knew were selfish and out of line. The unspoken feelings he had for a woman that he shouldn’t want were not hidden, and could not stay silent forever. Especially when that woman’s life was in danger and he couldn’t help but blame Bakugou.

“I’m going to burn that bastard’s house down, and Icy-Hot can put out the damn flames when I’m done.” Katsuki fumed as he paced the floor to try and calm down to think clearly. It was taking everything in him to follow the law and try to take Eito down the legal way, but with every minute he spent working on the case, he realized just how inbedded that man was in hero companies and the police force.

“That won’t get Y/N home, and you know it. What we need to do is wait for her to post bail and find Ryu, she’s probably worried about him.” Eijirou said, trying to find a way to solve all of this and think of what would help Ryu and Y/N.

Katsuki glared at Eiji, “you think you know everything? Y/N wasn’t even phased when we found out he was missing, you idiot!” Katsuki seethed at him.

“I know that Y/N loves her kid more than anything else, so maybe you were too busy being emotional to understand what she was feeling!” Kirishima bit back, not wavering under Katsuki’s harsh gaze.

“You’re just some sad, lovesick moron,” Katsuki taunted. “Why don’t you just admit the reason you don’t believe that she knows where Ryu is, is because you don’t want to believe that she’s hiding things? You think she trusts you so much that she’d tell you more than me? I can guarantee you that, like always, you’ll never be better than me.” Katsuki finished, both of them standing face to face with clenched fists and locked jaws.

The silence was loud like roaring beasts threatening the other to make the first move; two men who fell for the one they couldn’t fully get their arms around. Their friendship was equally as important to both of them, but how could one swallow their feelings for Y/N, simply for the sake of the other? Neither of them thought the other was worthy enough for such a beautiful tragedy you had written in your very bones. There was no personality, no smile, no heart that could compare to you. Even if they fought, the loser wouldn’t dare accept defeat.

A ringing phone broke through the silence, Katsuki’s pocket suddenly vibrating and taking his attention as he pulled it out. An unknown number was displayed across the screen, and in normal circumstances, he would have immediately sent it to voicemail with no hesitation or concern for who was on the other line. Today was anything but a normal circumstance.

“Hello,” he answered in a clipped tone.

“Mr. Bakugou, it’s Nanami. . I have important information I need to discuss with you.”

Rotting in a holding cell wasn’t how you wanted to spend your weekend, but it was better than being dead — you weren’t sure you wouldn’t be dead soon anyway, so you’re savoring just being in jail. You couldn’t even post bail, so you had to sit on the brick like bed and wait for everything to go through. Everything you built was currently being destroyed while you sat here calmly, waiting for the fire that is your father to be put out so you can remove the remains of his hold on your life and be free. . .

. . .Free to do what?

“L/N, you have a visitor, let’s go.” An officer interrupted your peace and opened the door of your cell, and you followed him without a word.

When you entered the small, dimly lit room, a woman sat there with such a crestfallen expression that you could barely recognize her. Her skin that was always flawless with minimal makeup was bare and her color suggested sickness. The gorgeous and bouncy hair that she did her best to maintain everyday was dull and clearly untouched. She looked like a mess, even in her bright flower patterned spring dress.

“Mom?” You said quietly, feeling a twinge of fear towards her when she was in such an unhinged state.

She looked up at you open hearing that word spill from your lips, and her expression brightened ever so slightly. It settled the fear and allowed you to fully fall into worry as you slipped into the chair in front of her — for the first time in years you offered her your hand for comfort. When her cold hand touched yours, you squeezed tightly in hopes of bringing her some warmth even in the cold room.

“I always knew you were secretly a momma’s girl,” were the first words out of her mouth along with an airy laugh. The joke was strange when it came from her, but for her sake you cracked a small smile. “I have a lot to tell you, Y/N.” She said in the softest tone you’d ever heard, grabbing every bit of your attention.

“You don’t have much time, so just say what you have to say.” You urged her, unsure of when you’d be able to speak to her again once she left this room. She had fallen off the Earth after that phone call, and you didn’t want her to leave you with questions.

Your mother began with a deep breath, “I’ve been married to your father for twenty five years. I did it for the money, never once thinking or caring about what he did and how he acted. . . until you were gone. I realized that he was. . different from other people. One day he was kind and compassionate, the next he was ruthless and cold, like a ticking time bomb that kept going off and shortening the time until it’s next reaction. It was easy to ignore at first, I just left him alone as I always did and made sure our interactions were kept completely secret. . Then he saw you on the news with that Bakugou boy-“

“You have five minuets left,” a man called on a speaker into the roo and you gestured for her to get to the point.

“What I’m trying to say is that there’s something wrong with him, Y/N. If you take him down by just destroying all his business and credibility I’m scared he’ll do something drastic that will hurt a lot of people.” Your mother said shakily, and the fear in her face was chilling you to the core, along with the fact that if you looked back you could tell that she was right.

‘What do I know about my grandparents on his side? I’ve never seen a baby picture from him, or even any picture of when he was young! What happened to him that drove him to become the controlling business man that would step on anyone in his way?’ You thought at a rapid speed, finding too many similarities between your reaction to trauma with how he always had acted. If not then more extreme.

“What am I supposed to do?” You whispered, your eyes falling to the cold metal table between you two.

“You have to talk to him,”’ your mother said. “I know you have a way of getting out of here, and when you do, go straight to him and tell no one. . You are his biggest failure in his eyes, and I know you’re the only one who can get through to him.” She squeezed your hand this time, assuring you that what she was saying was true.

“And what about you?” You asked. “Whether I destroy his business or get him the help he needs, you’re still going to lose everything.”

She smiled, “no. I just got everything I needed.”

A/N: We’re getting somewhere :P

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