#so butters is good with kids while wendy is good with adults

[somehowitgetsallfucky]

Part of my south park mall au

Bebe works at forever 21 for the sole purpose of getting first dibbs on everything that comes in. She will hard judge the customers at the register, but what else is there to do all day!

Bebe tried to get Wendy to work with her, but Wendy was adamant about staying at her current job at Build-a-bear. Besides, who else would fluff the bears? Butters? No. Butters isn't allowed near the machine after he nearly drowned the whole store in stuffing his first week. He'll just stick dressing up the animals.

[themadsquirrel09]

Tug-of-war

Fandom ☆ South Park 

Ship ☆ KenMan ♡ KenEric (Eric Cartman x Kenny McCormick) 

Characters ☆ Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Liane Cartman, Mr. Kitty. A bit of Mr. Mackey, Wendy Testaburger, Kyle Broflovski and Butters.

Rating ☆ M

Summary ☆ One impulsive action can make the difference in the game of life and death.

Warnings ☆ Non-explicit adult themes, blood, swearing. They are kids here (11): it is mostly care, angst and fluffiness.

About it ☆ This fanfic works as a one shot, it is also part of an AU I’m writing in no specific order. I’m still trying to choose the name °u°’’’

☆ 3362 words ☆

With love: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Stan

“Here comes a candle to light you to bed.

Here comes a chopper to chop off your head.”

I hate this house, screw this!  

From the backyard, I still can hear the moans, the thuds, shit! I try to climb fast and get into the clubhouse; when I finally do, Mr. Kitty greets me. 

“This place is a mess, but good enough for one night, Kitty.” Something between a purr and a meow is his reply. I made a run for it as soon as I got home and heard them, but I knew this happened before; that it would happen again (and again), so there’s a mini fridge and a sleeping bag here. 

I search into my backpack for a distraction. All I have is food, a few books and, yes! My PSP! I smile at it but, when I hold it, my view gets blurred. I have to wipe the tears from the screen. 

Fuck, like my day isn’t shitty enough already! That PSP reminds me that I have Kenny’s will memorized. I asked for a copy to his lawyer, and read it over and over again, looking for something that I could use to get my way while he was in a coma. Now I know every word by heart.

I toss the PSP on the sleeping bag. Fucking Liane , she is the one to blame, because I can’t blame myself without breaking down and lately I just can’t get mad at Kenny.

“Goddammit!” I curse choked into sobs until I hear a noise, it is Mr. Kitty coming towards me at full speed, purring loudly. He pushes his head right into my hand; cats have funny faces, it makes me chuckle and calms me down. 

I grab some snacks, go for a Mountain Dew, and lean on the window frame; maybe to distract myself from what is happening inside the house, I think about Kenny, do you feel that way? Or were you just pissed at me because of something I did?

I replay in my head those words meant for me.

Eric, I never really liked you. But then, nobody does. You have no ability to feel, and you are going to die alone and miserable. It is only because I feel so sorry for you that I leave you my Sony PSP.

He calls me Eric. Even if sometimes I feel like I say his name over and over again, like a fucking parrot, he almost never does the same. I guess it means nothing, but why do I like it when he does that?  

That question makes me uneasy, so I go back to the will and get pissed. If you don't like me, then why do you feel so sorry for me? And then you let me have your only valuable possession... you know that you will come back to life, right? But maybe he thinks I don't.

“Kenny.” I go wide-eyed because I wasn’t expecting to say his name out loud, then I take a step back when I hear his voice calling me back! I peek through the window as if I’m going to find him outside. What I see is the snow covered in blood; I can feel the liquid dripping from my hair. When I blink, it is all gone. 

My heart hammers fast, but after a moment it slows down until it stops completely . Some weird sense of warmth comes to me. It surrounds me and gives me peace, then I feel it ascend; I look up just in time to see a shooting star, an impossibly big one. I feel my heart start again.

Shit, I better go the fuck to sleep.

Instead, I sit on the sleeping bag and take the PSP; when I touch it, I feel like Kenny for a second. By now I’m used to it, since that time his soul was stuck in my body, this happens sometimes. I wonder: what is he doing right now? , but to get my head out of that, out of everything, I play until I fall asleep with the PSP in my hands.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The only reason I talk to Liane the next day is because I need her to sign my permit and give me food, but I can barely listen to her lies, or even look at her as she showers me with unwanted affection.

I struggle my way out as quickly as I can and, maybe because of that, I’m the first one to make it to the bus stop. I'm pissed and sleepy so, when I hear footsteps, I prepare to shit on whoever is daring to cross my way but, well, fuck . Kenny’s big orbs lay on me.

“Hi, Eric.” I try to avoid his gaze, but I can’t. Does he go at a slower pace today? 

“Hey, Kenny.” My voice comes out hoarse, I didn’t get inside the sleeping bag yesterday.

“Dude, are you ok?” Do you really care, or are you just feeling sorry for me again? And he appears to be fragile, but is probably the only kid who could have had a worse night, and still asks me if I’m ok. 

“Hey, dudes!” Stan must have drunk an extra shot if he is so happy, that’s good, distracting. Soon Kyle joins us, but I’m so tired I can barely take my anger out on him. 

Since today we have this stupid school trip, I sleep most of the way; when I do, I have this nightmare: 

I’m standing in a puddle of blood. I move out of the way, but there is blood everywhere and, little by little, paralyzed by fear, I see how the thick dark liquid fills the space; when it reaches my ankles, I panic and start running.

It seems like I go nowhere and, exhausted, I fall on my knees. What is it about this blood that’s so hypnotizing? I can’t stop looking, but when it is reaching my elbows, I hear crying and snap out of it: realizing I'm about to drown, I throw myself back. That’s when I see something emerging from this dark lake. 

I get close, and take him in my arms: it’s Kenny, his eyes are shut, his mouth is open, red flows out of the corner of his lips. 

All this blood, it pours out of him.

“Kenny, wake up.” I try to clean his face with my sleeve. Useless . “Wake up, damn it.” I see his eyes twitch. The sobs turn into a sweet song, a light sound I can barely distinguish. I try to find the source, but it seems like it comes from everywhere. 

While I wasn’t looking, Kenny somehow got out of my grip: he is now floating in front of me and, just for a split second, I see the huge wings that hold him up. The blood now reaches my belly button, I get a hold of his wrists and try to pull him close.

“Wake up!”

With that last scream, I wake up, sweating, buried in Kenny’s arm, clinging tightly to his parka. We lock eyes. What the fuck, am I still dreaming? There’s a warm light that surrounds him. We remain like that for a second and all I’m doing is trying not to cry. 

“Hey, it’s ok, I’m here.” Weird. Those simple whispered words it’s all I need to hear and I’m able to breathe again. When he places his hand on mine, I remember where we are and sit up quickly, but my hand holds on. I feel him squeezing lightly, then he lets go, and the bus stops.

“Why are we visiting a lame-ass national park, again!?” I complain about it as I make sure to stay close to Kenny. He seems much more into this stuff than I do and it takes just a minute, while I convince Butters that some flower is edible, for him to disappear. 

“Kenny?” Where the hell did you go? He is out of sight, but I walk like I know the way, like something—someone?—is calling me. A few minutes later, with the strong wind whistling and rumbling, I see the blond boy kneeling among lilac flowers. His body is turned away from me. He faces the abyss.

I get close without him noticing, when I’m just a few steps away, I feel as if thunder growls under my feet. Without even thinking, I run towards Kenny, grab him by the backpack, and yank him with all my might. The floor crumbles. 

Part of the ground is swallowed by the depths, but we are both safe. I fell on my butt and Kenny lies unconscious. I drag him away from the shattered floor and, for a moment, all I feel is my heart pounding. The chunk of earth we were standing on is gone and Kenny should be dead (again), but he isn’t. Because of me?

I glance at him and his face twitches, it seems like he is about to regain consciousness. I panic and run. I don’t know why, but I run until I’m breathless. 

After a while, I feel like throwing up, fainting, maybe both. I stumble and grab onto something, shutting my eyes so the world will stop spinning. Two things happen at the same time: on one side, I feel better, like a weight is lifted from my shoulders; on the other side, I hear the violent and very familiar sound of puking, it comes from right beside me. 

It is Stan who emptied his stomach. What? Did Stan just throw up for me? Even if it seems impossible, it feels like it. 

So I ran to the other kids and grabbed Stan's hand without noticing. He lets me keep doing that while he tells Wendy he is alright. I steady myself, we glimpse at each other and smile, then I let go of him. He doesn’t know what just happened, but why else would he do this for me? The rest of the trip, I keep smiling like an idiot, feeling like I did something I really like. Back on the bus, I can’t help but flinch when Kenny sits beside me and rests upon me those tired, bright eyes.

“What is it, poor boy, did you see a ghost?”

“No, but I almost became one,” he mutters and I pretend I didn’t hear him.

“What did you say?” I reply, teasing, I know Kenny gets frustrated when people can’t understand him. He squints at me and I almost feel him inspecting my soul. Why can’t I just look away? Fuck.

“I said: thanks dude, your face looks like shit too!” He leans towards me, and I feel myself leaning backwards. “What were you doing last night?” I scoff, amused.

“If you want me to answer that, Kenny, then you have to tell me first, what were you doing last night?” He blinks, taken aback. I can finally avert my gaze and smile smugly. I got him.

“Whatever, like I care!” He says and it stings a little, however I can’t just tell him what happened. It seems like he feels the same. 

This pisses me off.

Fuck it, I’ll just tell him! But, when I look at my side, I find Kenny is sleeping. I pull him by the parka, so his head lands on my shoulder, then I close my eyes and lean on him. I fall deep in a dream of a memory:

The moon peeks through the window and illuminates the room, but my view gets blurred by the—oh, so expected—tears. This time there’s something different, though: the soul of a joyful boy is trapped in my body.

“What’s the matter? It can’t be that you are crying.” Shit . Listening to my voice in that sweet-toned ring just makes me cry harder. “Dude?” He insists and I can feel his worry running through my skin. I breathe, trying to calm down. 

“It’s stupid. I cry at night because I don’t have a dad.” I feel my face warming up at the embarrassing confession. Kenny takes control of my left hand; he reaches for my right hand and holds it softly.

“It’s ok. I’m here.” I smile.

Those words seem to unfold as I wake up. I have to check if it was Kenny the one who said that right now, but I see that he is still asleep, we are still leaning on each other. Nobody can know that he looks cute to me at this instant, that I can't help but press myself against him just for a second before I struggle to upright swiftly. 

I get paranoid about it, but the other kids are talking, screaming and playing. Nobody saw us . I turn, find Kenny’s sleepy gaze already on me and smile nervously. It feels exactly like when I do something bad: I’m afraid I’ll get caught. I have to fill the silence.

“Man, if I knew that trip was so lame, I would have stayed home.” I lie, I would have rather died. I shield myself with my backpack not knowing exactly what I’m searching for, so I take out the PSP and, when I do, it feels like those times Kenny is about to show himself as a ghost. My breath hitches and I feel cold; even if it is him, ghosts creep me out.

“Oh dude, I haven’t played that in so long!” He doesn’t seem to notice, though.

“Check it out, Kenny, I’m already on level 42,” I say as I hand the PSP to him.

“Are you getting your ass kicked or what?”

“Yeah. No matter how much I reinforce the gate, they keep getting in.” Suddenly, we are closer than expected and he shows me the way. We get so distracted by talking and playing, that I barely notice we are back in South Park, but when I do, I swallow hard. If I get home and the same that happened yesterday goes down, I might lose my shit and murder someone. Maybe I will kill myself. That’d be the best .

“If I stay at your place, we can beat this in just a couple of hours, you know? We can also repair our clubhouse a bit, it’s a cool place to hang out,” Kenny says, smiling. Why would you want to stay with me? Are you just feeling sorry for me again? Wait. Did I say that out loud? I’m about to panic, but he gives me a look like he is clueless. “What is it, you had other plans?”

Other plans? I see my corpse lying on the floor and I burst into laughter. I laugh not to cry and because it is too funny. It is impossible that someone like this exists! At first, he asks me what is it, but after a while, maybe because of how much I’m kicking, wheezing, struggling to breathe, he starts to laugh too; at me? Sure, but I don’t care right now.

“Eric Cartman! I said this is your stop, mmk?”

“Calm the fuck down!” I get to say between laughs, “I’m going, ok?” I stand up and turn to see the blond offering back the PSP, but instead of taking it, I grab him by the arm and pull him. He comes with me.

As Kenny said, it only takes us a couple of hours to finish the game, then we start to fix the clubhouse a bit.

“Dude?”

“Kenny?”

“Do you have a crush on Stan?” I feel my gut dropping.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I saw you holding hands; you guys look cute together.” Why does hearing him say that makes me feel like shit? I put the tools aside and go for the door. He follows.

“Cartman?”

“Shut up, Kenny!” I snap, turning to scream in his face, but when I do, I accidentally step on Mr. Kitty’s tail. He hisses, bites me and I back away. Being so close to the entrance, I lose my balance. 

About to fall from the tree, I reach for Kenny and he gets to grab me by the arm. For an instant, I see in him that determined expression he usually has when he is Mysterion. He throws himself back pulling me, so I fall inside the clubhouse, but land on top of him. 

“Fuck!” I get off of Kenny as quickly as I can, he gasps for air. I was crushing him! “Kenny?” He smiles, trying to be reassuring, but he is having a fit of cough, so I grab him, sit him up and get him something to drink. He holds his chest with his eyes closed; the coughs mellow as he breathes deeply. I just look at him. Kenny’s hood is off and it is not every day that I get to see his whole face. Do you really have to hide all the time? 

“Dude!” He exclaims after finally drinking a bit of the Dr Pepper. “I almost died.” And it wouldn’t be the first time today.

“It’s your fault!” 

“Fuck you!” He says to my face playful, and I find myself incapable of insulting him back. “We are ok now, right? I just saved your ass.”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

“About what I said: I don’t care who you like. Let me know if you need a wingman.” I stare at my hands and remember how they reached for Kenny this morning. Did I save his life? Well, he just did the same for me. “Cartman?”

“What? Oh, yeah. I’ll let you know.” 

“Cool,” he says, then he gets into the sleeping bag. “Goodnight.” Kenny falls asleep in a heartbeat. You are even more tired than I am, aren’t you? But I feel restless and keep wondering:

“What were you doing last night?” I ask him under my breath. There is no answer. I sit beside the sleeping bag and imagine we are some kind of warriors; I’m the one standing guard, maintaining a protective field with my wizard powers. 

I see Kenny’s matches on the floor. He probably dropped them when we fell. I take them, go to the window, and after declaring the area is enemy-free, I light one. What kind of kid looks so happy just by watching the fire?

Kenny’s will surface on my mind as the fire goes out on its own: Eric, I never really liked you. But then, nobody does. Then what are you doing here? Why would you want to be my wingman?

I light another match.

You have no ability to feel, and you are going to die alone and miserable.  

I kind of wish I could agree about me having no ability to feel, then I remember his hand reaching for mine in that dream of a memory I had today. 

“Shit!” The fire burns my fingers and I let go of the match, which falls onto the snow. 

I turn to look at Kenny. He sleeps curled up like a stray kitten. Dying alone and miserable, huh? Who else but you would know how that feels?

I get close and kneel beside him, then I light another match. Funny; I’ve seen his face illuminated by fire so many times the image is stuck with me.

It is only because I feel so sorry for you that I leave you my Sony PSP.

“You make no sense.” My mumbled words blow out the match. You make no sense, but neither do I! I can’t even put a finger on what made me pull him away from the abyss today. 

I smile at the thought of it, maybe I just didn’t want to be alone, on the bus, at the house. My eyes go to the floor, I feel like crying, but a sudden yank makes me gasp as I fall forward; Kenny is pulling me by the arm. 

“Eric.” He looks at me with half-lidded eyes, “Fucking sleep.” He commands groggily. I frown at him, he lets out a soft chuckle, and I get into the sleeping bag, wondering: for how long has he been pulling me away from falling to my end?

❅──────✧⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅•̩̩͙꙳⋆✧────── ☆ ──────✧⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅•̩̩͙꙳⋆✧──────❅

This is (definitely) not the end.

⋆✧────── ☆ ──────✧⋆

Final notes 🖊️

 🧡 I love this ship so much ❤️

Did you enjoy reading it? It sure was an amazing and weird experience writing this 🌠 It took me a lot of time mostly because I edit until my eyes bleed =u= (I started writing it and had the 1st draft on January lol)

A little of context ☆ The paranormal connection between Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick is one of the main reasons I adore this ship. Eric says he sees through Kenny's eyes and feels like him on S06E12 ∣ A Ladder to Heaven; then Kenny's soul is trapped in Cartman's body for almost a month. 

The crying at night thing is also from the show, Eric confesses that on S11E08 ∣ Le Petit Tourette.

All kinds of support are really appreciated! ♡ 

If you want to help me keep writing, you can buy me a coffee here ☕

You can also commission me, here you have the info 💌

[mint-berry-crunch]

I'm obsessed with Butters so please post about him (if you'd like)! Headcanons or your favorite moments of his or even just your general opinions of him.

Oh boy, Butters! He's a good one!

I definitely agree with the large part of the fandom who says he's got a scar over and is blind in his left eye. HE GOT A NINJA STAR THROWN FULL SPEED IN IT, FOR GODS SAKE. He doesn't wear an eyepatch, or anything else over his eye, however, because he doesn't care if people see, so he doesn't see the point in wearing one.

I also think that, even as an adult, he never fully figures out his sexuality, he just sticks with the term "bi-curious." He eventually get's his Harley, so he's no longer bike-curious, though!

I think that in middle school, everyone starts making fun of him for liking traditionally "girly" or "gay" things, such as dancing around in tutus, and painting his nails. For a while, he couldn't take the bullying and started dressing and acting all "macho" and wears leather pants and ties black bandanas around his head and stuff. But after a talking to by the goth kids, he realizes he's just being a "freakin' conformist" and there's no point to wearing what other think he should wear and doing what other people think he should do. He starts painting his nails and wearing whatever he wants to school again, much to his father's anger.

In high school, he realizes that he doesn't really care what pronouns people use for him. People start trying and failing to bully them by only using she/her for them, but all that does is give them euphoria. Once they all realize this, they go back to only using he/him, which makes her a bit sad, but all in all, she doesn't really mind it all that much. Wendy, Kenny and Tweek are really the only ones who switch up what pronouns they use for him frequently.

He's got an average IQ of 100, but his grades begin slipping in middle school. His parents grounded him for it at first, but then they realized something might be up, so naturally, they grounded him even more. When that wasn't working, however, they took him to the doctor who diagnosed Butters with ADHD and gave him a referral to a specialist to test him for autism too. Long story short, he was diagnosed with autism and given accommodations such as more time on tests and and IEP.

Since he doesn't have much issue with sound and sight sensory input (he still has some, of course, it's just not very prominent for him) he loves going to places such as arcades, malls, and amusement parks. His favorite arcade games are those zombie shooter games (he pretends the zombies are Cartman), and his favorite amusement park ride is the flying swings because he can close his eyes and pretend he's riding a Harley (the wind in his face remind him of riding one.)

As much of the fandom speculates, his best friend is Kenny. In middle school, Butters began to develop feelings for Kenny, but he didn't realize they were romantic until high school. He asked him out, but Kenny, being straight, turned him down gently. They remained friends, and things never got awkward between them.

In middle school, when he was still trying act all tough, he started listening to rap music. He realized he actually really liked it, and kept listening to it. He bought a grill made out of fake gold on Amazon for 50 bucks and started wearing it everywhere. Once his father saw it, he grounded him for "trying to be a pimp again."

I believe Butters is pretty tech-savvy. I'm basing this off of the episode "The Poor Kid," Where he is able to find out everyone's household income. It can't be easy to just do that as an 8 year old. He starts coding and making games in middle school, and one of his games gets so popular, he starts earning money for it.

Overall, my opinion of Butters is that he's a great character. He really adds a lot to the show, and he keeps the audience on their toes. What I mean by that is, he might act one way in one episode, being totally innocent, like in "Butters's Very Own Episode," when other times, he's acting totally different and almost as vulgar as the other boys, like in "Butters's Bottom Bitch," or even just in specific instances, like when Kyle and Cartman are about to fight and Butters yells, "Fuck him up, Eric!" Whether these moments are just done for shock value or not, they're still funny.

And the thing about them is: they never seem out of character. I don't know HOW Matt and Trey do it, but they somehow manage to make it so the most innocent, caring, and childish character on the show can just have moments where he beats someone with diabetes up, saying he's "always feeling sorry for himself," and have it not seem out of character for him to be naïve and clueless at other times and vice versa.

I don't think my favorite Butters moment can be whittled down enough to just one moment, but my favorite EPISODE of him has to be "Butters's Very Own Episode." Just something about him throughout the episode, it's really believable that he's just a naïve little kid that doesn't even know his mom tried to kill him. There's something realistic about it, and I just can't pick it out. I think it's brilliant.

In conclusion, I think Butters is a phenomenal character with very few moments where he actually seems out of character. He's got to be one of my favorites, easily.

[whoistorii]

Batfam and what adult cartoons I they would watch-

Dick- def related to Moral Oral. A little boy with a verbaly abusive father???? a family falling apart???? Unpacking trauma and kids living up to, and past their parents?? a whole town of people with their own problems acting like they're perfect and never do anything wrong?? Dick probably ate that shit up! He probably thought everyone related to it so heavily until Donna tricked him into talking about his problems out loud and he realized he was in fact not normal.

Jason- Tuca and Bertie, it's a more real and mostly feel good show, with a underling feminist meaning. He probably really likes Tuca thinking she's really cool and a outstanding character with great development. He definitely made Roy watch it before patrols. Roy probably cares less about the show and cares more about watching something with Jason. (Roy probably likes Aqua team hunger force and Southpark mans is a hillbilly in and out) Jay def quotes the show almost religiously.

Tim- probably loves Family Guy, he's the kinda guy to explain every joke and act as if it's modern day art and noone knows if he's being ironic or not. His fav character is Meg. When he gets mad at Kon (or just to fuck with him) he explains episodes of the show in morbid detail and Kon probably crys. He tried doing it with Cassie and instead of cowering like Kon she started explaining how the show was modern philosophy, and in that moment he had to rethink if he was in love with another one of his best friends.

Stephanie- She likes Southpark but she only likes it for the characters, her favorites gags being the ones in earlier seasons where the kids misunderstand things cuz yk there kids. Her favorites usually be Wendy or Butters. She thinks it's really good satire 75% of the time but her favorite episodes are probably more character driven ones, or any with Butters as a lead.

Cass- Happy Tree Friends, she didn't know much English when she came to the manor so slap stick humor with cute little animals, she loved it!! Everyone else thought it would have a negative effect on her, but she thought it was just cute and wholesome because the characters never stayed dead and always came back. And that feeling of missing object permanence, and actions always being undone and going back to the status quo made her feel better. She now knows it's really dark and very controversial, but the layout of every episode being almost the same makes her feel in control and she still goes back and rewatches her favorite episodes after a bad day. Also she enjoys the looks she gets when she states it as her favorite show.

Damian- thinks that all the shows above are very stupid and childish and he will only watches animes, thought I would imagine most of them do get pretty dark. He never lets anyone know this ofc, only Dick and maybe Steph knew the truth. He talks a big game about hating animated content but it's all bs. He watches Rom with Steph, and the heavy gore shit with Dick (tho in all honesty he wishes Dami would find something else to watch, he just goes along with it to hang out with the kid.) Damian probably also watched like terribly bad animes with Stephanie.

Bruce- BoJack Horsemen is a story about a middle aged man who knows he needs to change but never dose, He had a tragic backstory and continues hurting everyone around him, Being stuck in a self cycle of hurting himself and loved ones. Bruce probably sobbed multiple times while watching the show. And probably called Dick like nine times telling dick how great it was. (Probably taking awhile to see why Dick suggested it to him.) Eventually I imagine the show helps him realize he needs a more healthy relationship with himself and the people around him. Probably quoting the show for helping him realize his self toxic traits.

[englishknightsky]

the cissy for the sp ask game? idk what the episode number is sorry </3 -kencormicks

thank you @kencormicks , i actually went and watched the episode and wrote as i watched bc its been a while lol

Do I like this ep? Yeah, I think I do! It definitely makes me laugh a lot and is very inline with Cartman's general shenanigans.

Favourite moment?

"But this isn't a hurting, confused child! This is Eric Cartman!" I love that, I want to see more of Cartman manipulating people with this logic, that even though he's Cartman, if the media got ahold of any negative press from South Park, he'd just be a sweet, innocent child who's being harassed.

Stan questioning his gender identity and sexuality is so sweet, he kind of does it again in TxC, I want to see more of this!

I love that Lorde is actually Randy, not that he's just playing as her, and Lorde actually finding it hilarious is so funny, I've never heard a Lorde song before, but I always hum "I am Lorde, ya ya ya!"

Cartman's BDSM Toilet scene. Did he steal Liane's whip?

Wendyl has such a cute design. He's the best boy.

Stan fainting at Lorde's reveal.

"You're watching E! That's how low you've sunk."

Butters is so GNC I like that, he should wear skirts sometimes!

Sharon's speech is so heartfelt, it's nice to see Tratt saying nice things about the celebrities they make fun of lmao

South Park Elementary says Trans Rights!

Stan singing his dad's song at the end is super cute 😭

Least favourite moment?

I'm so offended at the portrayal of girl's bathrooms, they're just as disgusting as the boys and there AREN'T enough stalls and I will not allow these lies!

Unpopular opinion?

Idk any opinions of this ep tbh, I assume it's well accepted? I like it, but I can also understand why people might not, maybe it's not the best trans rep.

Changes?

I have this same opinion about Board Girls, that there should be an actual trans character, kid or adult, to bounce off the fake trans characters, Eric and Heather, but Wendy in this ep was pretty close, I'd like to see Wendyl return as a character.

Maybe like a 4/5. Pretty good, pretty solid. Controversial take but I like the serialisation, it's just that they aren't the best written bc it seems like they forget the story halfway through the season lol, but season 18 is super good.

Anything else?

Apparently the spin magazine thing is based on like an actual thing that happened after the last ep, where a journalist claimed they were making fun of Lorde by having Randy in drag at the end of that ep, but like, I thought it was clearly a joke that they COULDN'T get Lorde so Randy dressed up and nobody could tell it wasn't Lorde lmao

[butterfrogmantis]

Oh boy uhhh,,, them

Flat colours because it's a reference line up ^^ So uh yeah, got busy with an adult/ng AU bcuz when DON'T I? That being said lets dive right in-

Ethan Broflovski

Stan and Kyle remained best friends throughout most of their childhood - they had break ups here and there but there’s nothing they couldn’t overcome eventually- moving into high school they kept that going and well, the crazy adventures never stopped for a moment. Though for a time it did seem that they may be growing up quite fast. Kyle, with his strong sense of morality, decided he would follow his dad and started training for law school in order to bring a little justice to the town and make a good name for himself. Stan … he decided to try and avoid being like his parents as much as possible but all his adventures had given him a great desire to continue those, so in the end he decided to become a detective, his view on the world was certainly better than um, the previous law men of SP. Stan is keen and on scene - he still had a pretty rocky relationship with women, and maybe Wendy in particular but he always felt it went badly and that no one truly understood him, ya know? Well, the boys were eventually going into uni and since both of them were working in law departments of sorts, lots of their classes ended up being similar times and so it felt just like old times, even without Kenny and Cartman and the others, it could be just the two of them and that gave them time to reflect, a few more bad break ups and parties with too much to drink and it sorta just … clicked into place. They had their differences sure, but throughout all of the escapades and “gay” jokes well … maybe they did truly like each other. It took a little while for them to be truly comfortable with announcing that but one day Stan just kind of took his hand in public similar to Craig, and that was it.

Due to his little brother Ike being an adoptee, Kyle decided he wanted to do the same when they eventually decided it was time :3 He knew he could give a kid a loving home, and so their son was eventually officially signed to them. Ethan grows up absolutely adored by both sides of his family, and has a bit of mixed-faith household, though since Stan’s side is fairly relaxed he grows up more with Jewish traditions, but still has Christmas with his other side too. He’s a pretty sporty kid, being best friends with Oscar Tucker, another sports nut … though Ethan does have a crush on his bff’s sister, a fact he keeps to himself. Ethan is a pretty sensitive kid and is also noted to be very intelligent, something he and his uncle Ike can bond over, since Ethan tends to take extracurricular for STEM (science, technology, Engineering & Maths) subjects. He’s pretty happy-go-lucky and insults don’t really get to him, he’ll just raise an eyebrow at those.

“Bubbles” McCormick

It can’t be denied that Butters and Kenny had feelings for each other, though due to Butters’ shyness and Kenny’s well, kenny-ness it was a bit all over place- but they remained super close regardless Butters did pretty well in school, not fantastic but enough to get by, and was soon invested in social work before he knew it, helping kids from bad homes and looking after them at the South Park foster home :3

Kenny, meanwhile, due to his family’s finances and his rather unfortunate habit of … dying, had decided to take up a trade job that was out of town, in the hopes of eventually saving up for something better for himself. He ended up leaving South Park at 18 after a tearful goodbye to everyone, hoping he could find something to improve his lifestyle. During his time working various odd jobs in his new town, he met a lot of people -  one in particular was a woman named Tracy Robinson (just a random name-) that he began a relationship with. It wasn’t really the best :,D In fact it sort of mirrored his parents in a way, it was dysfunctional and they were on the verge of breaking up - when Tracy found out she was pregnant. That changed everything. Both were still underpaid and overworked and Kenny felt that even though he’d tried to better himself, he’d accidentally trapped himself in another cycle just like his family. He was a bit resentful tbh- that is, until his daughter was born. From the moment he saw her, Kenny had never felt more love for anything ever- she was his world, his lil’ “Lulu”, and despite the rough times and bad relationship, he knew it was gonna be worth it to see his little girl at the end of each day, so he stayed. That is, until he came home early one day.

That dysfunctional relationship had turned sour. There was another man in his house, and it was pretty obvious Tracy had been cheating for a while. Things got pretty ugly with the break up after that. Eventually, the courts awarded a 50/50 split of Lucy, but although Kenny tried his hardest to uphold it, Tracy’s new guy had threatened him and well, he was pretty much barred from seeing her :,D Unable to cope with that, and also well, unable to die, Kenny felt he had no real choice but to move back to SP and start from the ground up … again. So he did, and after a few months and a lot of help from his friends, he secured a nice job at a warehouse company, and became the head of the health and safety department, which paid well since he was very diligent at making sure he and other people weren’t in danger of dying it was perfect, and although he had that grief, he was pleased to be back c:

A couple of years down the line, Butters had become the head of the SP foster home, and was absolutely adored by the kiddos. He gets a little call one day that some cops from wanted to see him, and they end up bringing a shy little kid with them, explaining that she had been the victim of a traumatic event (in private they explained the kid’s abusive step father had shot her mother in front of her and was threatening to hurt the kid before the neighbours called). Butters is of course shocked but he absolutely agrees to take the lil’ girl in, and tries to bond with her. She’s very shy and obviously suffering PTSD but being Butters he’s just calm and friendly and slowly earns her trust c: The girl doesn’t talk much at all, and seems to spend a lot of her time blowing bubbles as it keeps her occupied, which is why the others tend to just call her Bubbles, and Butters makes sure she has enough on hand :3 Well, she warms up to him slowly, and Butters really feels for her. One night he’s sorting out some files for the foster home kids (the last two months had kept him busy and he hadn’t had time to get around to them) and he picks up Bubbles’ official file to take a little look. Needless to say he’s quite shocked and a little ashamed of himself for not checking sooner as soon as he realises the file does state the girl’s biological dad- which is the reason she was given to the SP foster home as the birthplace of her father. Butters has a very important call to make to a good friend of his the next day-

They meet at Tweek’s coffee shop and Butters explains he has some important news. He brings the file and explains everything he knows to Kenny, who of course is overcome with emotion but absolutely overjoyed that his lil’ girl is close again at last. Since legally be was supposed to have 50/50 anyway, it’s really no issue for him to get her back and besides, they know a good laywer or two in the Broflovski household, just in case. By now, Kenny is doing decently for himself with his high manager permission, and finally feels he’s made it. Due to the shenanigans, he’s able to officially change Lucy’s surname to his instead, and all that emotion had once again brought him and Butters together just like when they were kids. *cough* and funnily enough, Butters surname has become McCormick for ‘some’ reason too. It’s been a couple of years with her new family now, and Bubbles is doing so much better :3 She found her voice again, and whilst she is still shy and prefers her little bubble blowing game, she has a lot of super supportive friends in the other ng, and two wonderful, amazing, kind and caring dads and a family who love her very much. She seems to have Kenny’s uncanny ability of being immortal, but UNLIKE Kenny, it’s more a case of she always manages to avoid dangerous situations by a whisker. Regardless, she’s very close to Jezebeth who’s family tend to have seen Kenny … a lot over the years up there so even if someone wanted to mess with her (she can be a bit naïve-) they’d be going through some pretty rough challenges.

Ezra McCormick

Going back to Butters at the foster home - the home gets new kids come and go a bit, since a lot are temporary whilst legal issues get sorted with their parents etc, but the majority are good kids who Butters really gets along with c: Since adopting Bubbles, he’ll often bring her back to see her friends she made there too, especially for the longer-staying kiddos or ones that’ll probably be there permanently, so it’s a nice, warm place to be-

One day, a new arrival shows up, by the name of Ezra Mitchell. Almost immediately, Butters can tell this kid is going to be a challenge. Ezra is sullen, moody, and honestly pretty prone to violent outbursts (yelling, screaming, threats etc, even if bluffing) and it scares the other kids there. In short, he seems like a pretty mean kid, at least, on the surface. But Butters knows that can’t be the full story, and it’s his duty as the main social worker to get to the bottom of it. He knows that Ezra is being put in their care since his mom is … well as far as Butters can tell, not the best :,D Accounts of neglect and physical abuse are in his file, and it’s somewhat obvious from the bruises Ezra showed up with on the first day. And yet, all Ezra seems to do is want to go back. Despite the fact his mom obviously doesn’t care for him, she seems to be the only person he likes, constantly swearing at kids and staff that she is coming back for him!! One day!!! She just has some stuff to sort out with her new boyfriend and stuff, that’s all, any day now she’ll take him from this trash foster home and they’ll never see him again, yeah, she said she’d come next week.

Next week arrives, and the week after. Actually, many weeks. The only time Ezra ever really leaves his room is on the week she’s supposed to “really” be coming, when he packs a little suitcase and waits all day by the door. Apart from that he shuts himself in a room somewhere and yells if anyone comes in. Well, you can imagine Butters is pretty heartbroken by this whole scenario, Ezra is only a little boy and is clearly hurting so much, he wants to help somehow but also has the other foster kiddos to keep safe. So, being the sweet girl that she is, Bubbles decides to take it upon herself to befriend the moody kid. She brings him little snacks and stuff when the home serves them, and ignores the constant insults and yelling, preferring maybe to not tell her dads about this in case they think it’s a bad idea. But slowly, the little interactions break down at least a surface layer of his shell. At least, he doesn’t scream anymore when she brings him a biscuit or something, tho he isn’t necessarily friendly yet. One day as she’s leaving, he asks why she decided to be nice to him, despite him yelling at her all the time. Bubbles says she understands being in a rough situation. She’s not really prepared to talk about her past with her own mother, but she assures Ezra he isn’t alone in having those confusing feelings of “I love my parent even though I know deep down they were no good” kind of ones- and he thinks about that for a long time.

Ezra, like the rest of the foster home, attend SP elementary. He’s pretty outcast from his class too, and prefers to spend time skulking around the playground. This day in particular, he hears a familiar voice of that girl Bubbles and she sounds kinda agitated. Ezra finds she’s being picked on by some of the older kids still, asking for her lunch money, and whilst her friends are telling them to back off they’re not really listening and getting a bit pushy. Ezra, despite being a bit younger and decidedly smaller, goes absolutely off at them- he has his street smarts, and he sees them off pretty quickly. Bubbles is extremely grateful, but doesn’t go bragging about it, giving a small nod that it’s their way of sealing something of a friendship.

A little while later, things are calm in the home, and Ezra is extremely excited. He had a phone call with his mom for the first time in a while, and she’s promised she’ll be taking him out for a holiday soon! :3 he knows that this really is the time, and wanting to go, is on his best behaviour for a bit, helping Butters and being a little more social with the other kids, wanting his mom to see how well her son is doing and to be proud of him when they go on holiday together c:

She doesn’t turn up. He knew, deep down, she wouldn’t. Still, he’d rather not have had that hope :,D Bubbles finds him later, crying (tho he said he wasn’t). She asks if he’d like to join her and her dads to Casa Bonita that weekend, since it was her birthday, and they said she could bring a friend (well, maybe she didn’t tell him Jezebeth was ill that weekend but y’know, the gesture was still out of a good place.) Butters is a bit surprised by the invite, and even more so that Ezra agrees, but he had been noticing a little friendship there, and is more than happy to comply (filling in Kenny on the details before hand). Ezra goes with them, and meets up with some of Bubbles’ friends and families again and for the first time experiences true family love in front of him. He sees how much Bubbles is close to her dads, how they laugh and joke and actually want to spend time with her. He sees how other mom’s like Wendy and Nichole and Bebe don’t brush their kids aside and tell them they’ll be back later but actually smile and seem to have fun. He gets a bit tense when Ethan accidentally drops pizza toppings on his shirt, worried that Kyle or Stan might hit him, but instead they just laugh and call him messy, and pull funny faces. It’s … nice. Ezra thinks maybe he would enjoy that too, if ever possible. Tho he doesn’t see how. That is, until he gets a call his mom will come to spend the day with him again. He’s a bit “Yeah whatever” this time, but to his huge surprise, there she is, just how he remembered- um, only that’s not actually such a good thing. They DO spend the day together, but it’s more “they’re physically together but she spends the whole time on her phone talking to the new bf and waving him away” kinda thing. By the time he returns to the foster home and Butters asks how his day was, Ezra bursts into tears and clings to him, saying how he just wants parents who care about him, like Bubbles’ do. Butters is pretty pissed off at Ezra’s mom- though he wonders … if she cares that little maybe it could work out after all. He calls her and Ezra for an important meeting.

It’s a bit out of the ordinary, Butters often jokes that he would like to adopt all of the foster kids, tho not literally, but this one is an exception, especially considering his friendship with Bubbles. Ezra’s mom seems “whatever” about handing over her legal custody of her son, and yeah that stings, but Ezra is pleased too, knowing he will no longer have to rely on her for parental validation. Within a few months, everything is sorted in quiet, and Ezra gets to go home to the McCormick household, and try out his new surname c: Oh, and his new room next to his new sister’s is pretty cool too.

Oscar and Daphne Tucker

Well, I guess this is the simplest, sweetest backstory of all. You’ve heard of high school sweethearts, now get ready for elementary, middle, highschool AND university sweethearts (I think that’s how the American system goes-) anyways- being a small little town and being good little kids, Tweek and Craig pretty much were able to stay right by each other from the very start. Tweek kinda had his future set out for him, since he pretty much just took over the Tweak’s cafe from his parents as soon as he could (minus the … drugged coffee) whilst Craig helped out and did a little night school to become a vet, something he decided he wanted to do due to his love for his childhood guinea pigs. Sure they had their moments, especially with such a long running relationship, but well, such a long relationship had also taught them a lot about each other so they always managed to work through it when the time came and they wanted a family of their own, they decided to get simultaneous surrogates :3 That is, one child (Oscar) is biologically Tweek’s, whilst Daphne is biologically Craig’s - it seemed like a good idea to them at the time anyhow. Daphne ended up being born first, with her brother a couple weeks after, so it was almost like raising twins (surprisingly, taking care of two babies wasn’t as bad as they thought since Tweek can barely sleep sometimes due to his caffeine intake ) Tweek does nights, Craig did days, it kinda fell into place- anyway, regardless of who was who, the four of them are thick as thieves and don’t for a moment consider any of each other as anything less than pure and simple family  (that is, no favouritism towards their bio kids, the other partner’s kiddo is absolutely theirs too-) Well, Daphne and Oscar both grow into quite different people but are still just as close siblings as ever. Oscar is maybe not the smartest - he’s a bit neurotic and freaks out at times, but absolutely loves playing sports with his friend Ethan, who can be pretty confident and helpful c: Daphne is a bit more stylish, and quite quick witted with savage insults to the haters. She can also sometimes be seen as a bit of a “bad” girl, in a rebellious sort of sense - but she’s a good kid, just has little respect for people trying to push unfair authority- and she’ll always stand up for her “little brother” (Oscar hates being called that due to only being a couple weeks apart.)

Oh, and naturally – the family’s love for guinea pigs lived on, and the Tucker siblings both have a one of their own. Their pigs are also siblings, two female guinea pigs called Mocha and Espresso.

Jezebeth Thorn

Following Pip’s death at the hands of Mecha Streisand, Pip eventually finds himself in the afterlife, originally as an angel. Meanwhile, Damien had grown into quite the young ruler, his temper is a bit more under control as he matures and although he doesn’t quite understand human behaviour, he’s eager to learn. Heaven and hell have a bit more leniency nowdays, mostly due to Satan temporarily spending time in the other plane when he’s killed by ManBearPig, s citizens are used to seeing each other. Pip, in heaven, eventually recognises Damien, and seeing as how he didn’t seem to upset by the whole ordeal before, actually seemed quite happy to see him which Damien was surprised about. He begins to visit Hell more often, and adapts a bit of a “can I stick with you-” thing for a while, which eventually grew on Damien and he started to quite like the little human back, to his shock. He comes to learn more about life on earth and as they grew older Damien became kinda protective of him. Eventually, much like his father himself had had relationships (arguably more questionable ones) with humans before, it wasn’t really an issue for anyone, and they were happy for them. Pip, whilst still an angel, actually resides in hell, which is arguably taboo still but as Damien is royalty they don’t question it. Speaking of, being the prince of hell comes with magic powers.  

Jezebeth Thorn is biologically their kiddo, ‘bcuz magic’ and maybe a goat sacrifice, nobody dared ask. Well, being the princess of darkness, she has her own little powers, and being part human too finds it fairly easy to blend in with both worlds unlike Damien at first. Jeze is by far considered cooler by her peers, although this might be because she doesn’t set everyone on fire - at least not until they’ve wound her up- she’s perhaps the most complicated character in the sense that she can be quite neutral on her alignment. One minute she can be your best friend, the next your worst nightmare, the next just a bystander, it’s more or less part of her fun to mess with the mortals, she can be responsible for sneaky little tricks and chaotic magic that sends the others on wild goose chases for her amusement. She is a very good ally to have though, since this works on enemies and bullies just as much- it should be noted that the one kid protected from her devious games is Bubbles, since being the daughter of Kenny, a fairly regular visitor to the afterlife and the daughter of Butters, a personal friend of Pip’s, Bubbles is the one mortal Jeze will always be on the good side of and genuinely does protect her so that others won’t mess with her. Her more human side comes out in that sense, she can be fairly sympathetic when she wants despite often appearing (or perhaps pretending to be indifferent to the other’s feelings-) SP never really knows what to expect when she’s in town, but it can certainly be said it’ll never be boring.

And as a fun fact, since she’s half English, she has a small tea vs coffee rivalry with the Tucker siblings it’s mostly just silly, those “fights” are generally more to be amusing than deceptive, but it’s a running joke for them-

Penelope Cartman

Cartman. What a kid. Well, as one might expect, Cartman sure had a rough time hitting his teen years - he had that same cutthroat business attitude and slightly sadistic streak which earnt him a lot of time in and out of juvie doing community work to earn a day or two off his sentences, but he’s still had some humanity deep down. Well, since moving up to high school (which he dropped out of due to some issues) he kind of broke off from the other 3 for a while, eventually getting out of jail and, in classic Cartman fashion, became a businessman pretty quickly. The others would say it wasn’t fair perhaps, Cartman would tell them to go fuck themselves, because he’s making cash by the day.

Meanwhile Wendy Testaburger continued her strong fight for what she believes in, having eventually dropped Stan altogether (though the two are … rocky friends, it’s a bit better now) and she would often lead activism groups against cooperation’s and unethical business practise - more often than not this sort of lead her right to Cartman, though she could never prove anything he was doing was bad, in fact it sorta became funny after a while, like a little routine. They’d often meet on opposite sides of an argument or in court but not really get anywhere, it was funny really, she started to look forwards to it - no wait, what was she saying? Looking forwards to seeing Cartman? Ohh no, she’d been there before. This rivalry had lasted the ages, there was no way she was coming to yet again have THOSE feelings for her business and otherwise rival … right? She asks him to meet her so they can talk - Cartman is … well she remembers how he’s always been. Maybe he’s always been a bit of a strange boy and she knows of some of his worse crimes but well, a lot WERE also out of childish innocence too. Cartman is no and never will be a saint but … she finds it quite amusing perhaps, all the same and that slowly, painfully, but inevitably blossoms into something more- much to Stan’s um, shock and Wendy has her own cutthroat tactics, Cartman admires that tbh.

Penelope is, a rather abrasive character. Well, she would be with those parents but it’s not necessarily a bad thing either - she’s more blunt that Daphne and less deceptive than Jezebeth but if there’s one thing she is it’s LOUD and commands a lot of respect - whether she deserves it is another question. But she’s not a bad kid, unlike her father, the others kids are genuinely her friend, although sometimes bemused at her boisterous antics. She tends to consider herself the absolute expert on everything from fashion to skydiving, even when she hasn’t done those things before. Still, you can’t help but love her confidence and sass, even when you hate her for it at the same time-

Seymour Donovan

So to begin with, Seymour *Donovan* is actually the son of Token and Nichole- more on that at the end.

Well, it seemed that their relationship was going pretty well, at least throughout the early years, everyone pretty much expected Token and Nichole to be the next Tweek and Craig, aka elementary sweethearts, and it seemed to be going that way, there was certainly nothing ‘wrong’ with their relationship it was … nice and stable and that was cool. But well, perhaps unlike the excitement of the adventures and stuff they’d witnessed as kids, as they grew older they just sort of grew into slightly different people. It wasn’t due to a fight or anything dramatic like the others had perhaps experienced they just simply realised that they had slightly different goals - Token was content in South Park, he intended to start investing in his quite large trust fund from his parents and begin using that in property values, expanding a little more and helping the town make a new something of themselves c: Nichole liked SP but she wanted to travel for a little while, perhaps start afresh or move to bigger communities. It would seem that it would end pretty much there - until she realised she was pregnant. That sort of escalated once their parents found out because well, everyone was super happy and excited and just assumed they would be too, I mean why wouldn’t they be? And so an engagement was encouraged to which they reluctantly agreed, not sure how to really get out of that one but not wanting to let their friends down :,D The engagement party was fun - for everyone else. They were in their little groups, the girls discussing the baby and the guys congratulating Token but it seemed a bit strange since they’d been on the verge of separating. Really, the only guy Token thought seemed more upset than him was his friend Clyde, who was um, crying by the buffet table. Token took that as a little opportunity to escape the party and the well-wishers and take him outside for a little fresh air. Clyde explained that he’d been having a little relationship trouble himself - or rather the inability to maintain one. His mosquito-ness had sort of come through and he found himself bouncing from girl to girl and maybe even questioning if he liked guys too, he’d spoken to the other friends about that and realised it was pretty common for them XD but he felt he wasn’t stable, and envied Token’s happy life. Well since all cards were on the table, Token decided to reveal the truth to him, about how whilst he did still feel very deeply for Nichole and was excited to be a father soon, they had been on the verge of splitting due to goal differences. Clyde of course was very surprised by this revelation and after a heart to heart about not trying to stay in something he knew wouldn’t work, Token agreed to talk to Nichole and see if they were on the same page. They knew it might surprise their parents and friends but well … it was better than trying to live a little lie. They called off their engagement, which definitely had the expected confusion and reactions but they valued their friend’s feelings.

9 months later Nichole had their son, a little boy they decided to name Seymour Black. During the rest of her pregnancy, Token had received a lot of support from his friends, and helped pay to get Clyde into some therapy and relationships counselling to see if he could work out what he was doing wrong. And it had helped a lot, so much so that Clyde had found himself a steady relationship for the first time in a while. Token had finally found someone that had similar life goals to himself, so it would work. Well, due to the subsequent marriage, Seymour Black would become Seymour Donovan instead, and since it was never Nichole’s surname, she didn’t mind at all, in fact she was just proud her son had two loving homes to go to X3 Seymour is a very sweet but rather sensitive kid, something he has in common with his step-dad Clyde :3 This sensitivity can make him a target for bullies and the like, but also makes him a kind and loyal friend to others of course he’s now the richest kid in SP, and that can come in handy when the others want to play cool games - not to mention Seymour also has his grandparents who spoil him absolutely rotten on top of that. His favourite hobby is gardening, mostly for flowers and sometimes vegetables, which he likes to sell at little stalls during the school events, making him very popular with the moms of town who think he’s just the cutest thing ever. He’s never been a fan of traditional sports much, but he can still hold his own, and does like to play ball games with his parents or friends c: He mostly lives at Token’s for the meantime, and sleepovers at his house are always super looked forwards to by the other friends.

Amelia Daniels

Following the birth of her son and break up, Nichole couldn’t quite travel as far as she originally wanted, at least she figured not till Seymour was a little older. That didn’t mean she regretted the split though, it was sort of inevitable and she still loved Token without being IN love with him anymore- so on the weeks he was staying with Seymour, Nichole had the opportunity for small little adventures such as a day out to a national park to hike, or to visit a neighbouring historic town, or to go horseriding - this last one she found quite quite companionable since she could be with her old friend Bebe. The two had quite a lot of common interests they found, generic stuff they already knew of course but they also found they could bond over the new world of adult life, whether it was giggling about Eric and Wendy’s “flirting” in court or their shared aspirations to get degrees and prove themselves smart to their peers. Bebe had always been quite tired of people assuming things about her looks, and was working towards a masters in teaching at the local college, as well as volunteering with the equine centre on weekends - overall, busy busy busy. But it was fun, the volunteering got her to visit new places with the group, and Nichole happily joined that too. Of course being the leader of those helped developed their own little relationship, and that became pretty solid after a while. Some years into that, they decided they’d adopt :3 They specifically chose a child close to Seymour’s age, so he could have a sister of sorts c:

Amelia had always had a fascination with planes, just One of those childhood fancy’s type things, it was possibly because she liked sharing her name with her idol Amelia Earheart, a coincidence perhaps but she accepted that. Amelia is a strong character - not strong as in abrasive such as her friend Penelope, but certainly strong as in “one of the few characters that can actually handle Penelope”. She’s smart and quick witted, and always looking for new ways to build a real plane one day - her toy models are too perfection but that won’t stop her from perhaps recklessly attempting a foolhardy life size model one day, she’s got ambition, the others will give her that XD Amelia and her “brother” Seymour have a close bond, she’s his protector of sorts from when older kids pick on his sensitivity, and whilst she doesn’t really like physical confrontation she’s not necessarily afraid to throw a punch, if the other kid was asking for it. Mostly though, she’s mild mannered and can just be found in the library checking out old Aero magazines or in the toy store with the build it kits c: She doesn’t consider Token and Clyde parents per say but she’s close to them as well, although living a little more moderately c:

Hecate Gelsor

Henrietta and Katie kinda reconciled the goth vs vampire thing later on in high school, in some ways although they hated being compared as they believed they were truly different, they realised they were going to do their own thing regardless and actually found themselves with a mutual respect, maybe out of a little hidden interest. They’re a bit unconventional, and that’s how they like it, completely non-conformist.

Hecate - well, now she’s fairly simple in her own right. A chaotic neutral if you will, she’s neither the main guys friends nor their enemy, she kind of stays out of stuff but will join in to suit her own personal gains. Always has a fascination with the morbid and depraved that can sometimes make the others uncomfortable - or at least, the sensitive ones since characters like Jezebeth and Penelope would find it pretty funny XD She tends to recite poetry and avoids new fads and technology, maybe even considers herself a bit of a vampire-witch as she likes to call it - her aesthetic is those little witchy shops you get in tourist towns - dream catchers, incense burners, lots of chains and skull rings, all of those. Out of all the characters she’s definitely the outright rebellious but in your face way, not clever or sneaky about that, but in a way her moms support it, they appreciate going against the grain, standing up to non-conforming to the rules and all that good stuff. Hecate is definitely the one to go for if you want a lock picked or some mysterious tomb discovered, just don’t rely on her for emotional support unless she gets something in return, she’s pretty black and white like that.

“Bandit”

Bandit, which is most likely a nickname he gave himself is the son of non-other than

“The New Kid”- specifically any new kid, since for the purposes of keeping it ambiguous, you never really “see” his parent, and whatever was known about them is now somewhat rumour, they’re known mostly as the Vigilante.

Bandit had pretty much been an outsider as long as he can remember, sure he hears adults in town talk about the cool games they played as kids and how it was fun to pretend - but Bandit knows something somewhere went too far. He doesn’t know the exact details, nor why he never really knew his grandparents but he knows there’s a lot of secrets being kept from him, and that’s caused a lot of resentment. Essentially, Bandit is the antagonist of the next gen. He doesn’t know what, he doesn’t care to know what to some extent - but he knows the others’ parents were involved in the mess that came before him. He’s clever, vindictive, and quite possibly powerful- despite not hiding his unsociable attitude, Bandit also seems to have an uncanny ability to … draw people to him, like some kind of … power. Which can make him quite formidable. Bandit rarely shows much true personality, he can seem pretty cold at times, and doesn’t seem to have any true friends despite the following fans he always seems to be able to amass when needed. This of course often puts him at odds, most especially - with Penelope. He’s still working on finding out the truth, of finding out just why he’s had to live such a shut in life, but he’s more sure than anything that her family has something to do with it, he just needs to gather the pieces. Now of course, this wouldn’t be a good character if that was his only motive - behind locked doors, Bandit has a good reason for all of this - and ultimately, it’s because he does want to make things right. He’s not necessarily going about it the right way, but every course of action is to one day, hopefully bring a little light back to his parent’s life. He takes good care of the vigilante, often takes care of the housework by himself and takes odd jobs on weekends to bring food and cash home. He’s never cared to find his other parent, doesn’t want to, doesn’t need to - what he wants more than anything is to be a normal kid, with a normal, if single parented household that’ll go to sports games and come to parents evening at school at throw birthday parties, but he knows he has a duty and a vitriolic personality. Essentially, he’s in a morally grey zone - the adults were kids themselves, how much they knew is entirely debatable and the next gens are even more innocent in all of that. But it sure weighs heavily on that poor kid, he’s bad but … maybe in some ways he reserves the right to be.

South Park (c) Trey Parker & Matt Stone

[russianbluewitch]

“Daughters AU” aka South Parkettes

This is a story about an alternate future of South Park where everyone stayed friends, and while some of the boys left for college, nearly everyone came back, and now most of them have daughters in third grade.

Disclaimer: Just because I put these boys certain couples doesn’t mean I necessarily ship any of these things. I’m not really into shipping; please don’t drag me into ship discourse.

The main 4:

Sandy Marsh, daughter of Stan and Wendy Marsh

-Daddy’s little girl

-Tomboy who plays baseball; star hitter for the otherwise all boy team. Stan pitches to help her practice

-Embraces gender nonconformity in part because she wants to please her parents, giving Stan a pseudo-son and showing Wendy that she isn’t oppressed by stereotypes and the future is bright or something

-BFFs with Esther

-Aware of her dad’s chronic depression, despite Stan’s attempts to hide it, and believes it’s her job to make him smile. It’s not the healthiest mindset

-Out loud, takes pride in being a maverick who does what she likes, no matter what society says, but this is masking insecurity. She’s really more of a people pleaser with a very short list of people she lives to please.

-joined the Boy Scouts instead of the Girl Scouts because having her mother as a den mother felt weird to her and also Butters is the best scout leader

-long black hair that’s usually in a ponytail under a baseball cap, but she lets Esther style it for fun sometimes since Esther’s own hair is unmanageable

-Also owns a blue knit beret with a red poofball

Esther Brovloski-Dacyzyn, daughter of Dr. Kyle Brovloski and Maya Dacyzyn

-Daughter of Kyle and who? Maya is someone Kyle met in college and she might get her own post later. Sorry for canon x OC but like, most people don’t get married to people they knew in elementary school

-Anyway Esther is Sandy’s BFF, the girly girl to Sandy’s tomboy

-artsy, good with her hands; likes to play salon owner and give makeovers

-also rigidly religious. Gets it from her mom’s side. Doesn’t go out of her way to yell at people who aren’t Jewish; this mostly comes up when she opts out of certain activities.

-an absolute brick wall when she’s angry or being stubborn.

-Kyle does morality by heart, which is why he spends so many episodes fretting about stuff. Esther does morality by the book, in the hopes that she doesn’t have to live her life waffling all over like that.

-inherited her dad’s hair and hates it. Keeps it under a pink knit hat with two dangling pompoms

Erin Cartman, daughter of ???

-Eric found a baby lying in a field and decided to keep it for reasons no one knows but himself.

-(going to call Eric Cartman just Cartman and Erin just Erin for the rest of this post)

-For as long as Cartman was alive there was only one person he cared about. Then he found Erin and that number became two. And the people of South Park trembled.

-absolutely a spoiled brat just like her father before her

-even if she’s not biologically related to Cartman she’s still recognizably the fattest kid in South Park

-did I say Esther was the girly girl? No THIS is the girly girl

-everything she owns is sparkly or bedazzled. Only the best for Cartman’s little princess

-wears fairy wings or princess costumes on random occasions. Her normal outfit is an iridescent pink parka lined with faux fur

-way more likely than her dad ever was to throw down, even with grown adults. Battle cry is “I’ll scratch your eyes out!”

-“Daddy! You can’t hit Kyle like that! You’ll go to jail for assault, and then I’ll grow up as a fatherless degenerate! I’ll hit him for you :)”

-raised in a large part by her grandmother, because yes Cartman still lives with his mom.

-“Grandma! Daddy’s being mean to me!” “Eric, go to your room!”

-Cartman will then actually go to his room and think about what he’s done

-oh did you think Cartman would be married in this future? Haha no. And now Erin will make sure he never has another lady in his life.

-on the other hand, Kenny was also around to help with Erin when she was little and now she regards him as a second dad that she goes to for actual advice, much like Cartman used to do with Chef.

-considers Jenny her younger sister. The feeling is not mutual.

-actually about a year older than the other three daughters, but she’s in third grade now because when she was five she just didn’t want to start school and no one made her. It wasn’t until the other three were ready that she got jealous and agreed to start school.

-hates Kyle and Esther and Jews because her father told her to. Doesn’t actually know what Jewish means.

Jenny McCormick, daughter of Kenny McCormick and Dora Boxx

-of who? A serial black widow. Long story.

-her mom is not in her life anymore except for occasional jump scares and special episodes. It’s just her and her dad against the world.

-she remembers. But Kenny never remembers that she knows.

-takes perverse pleasure in creeping people out. Collects spiders and worms just to scare her classmates; draws pictures of people bleeding to death in crayon

-claims she sees ghosts and demons. She definitely knows some things about the past of South Park that she couldn’t have found out otherwise.

-mostly wears her dad’s old parkas. He’s got like eighty of them from his various resurrections and he’s still collecting more. They tend to get damaged or set on fire and she likes to confuse her friends by pretending she only has the one parka and she just fixed it somehow. To her, it feels like wearing a hug.

-hangs out with Erin over Sandy and Esther when it comes to that, despite her undisguised hatred of Erin, or perhaps because of it.

-is she an inheritor of her dad’s curse? No one’s sure yet. Kenny’s not about to let anyone find out.

[heloflor]

So I wanted to make a short thing grouping the SP seasons by “eras” along with a list of what’s in each of these eras (story elements, characters, topics) because I’ve been categorizing the seasons this way in my mind for a while and if I make a few SP posts, might as well share this.

Obviously this is a personal opinions and I’m sure there are many different ways to split the show and its seasons. Besides, I’m not good at recognizing American politics so yeah…

 Era 1 : Seasons 1-4 + Movie

- The very beginning of the show

- The kids are 8 years old and don’t know a lot of things (they don’t see to fully understand religions aside from “we have those holidays and Kyle doesn’t”, they don’t know a thing about sex aside from Kenny, etc)

- Only a handful of characters have a personality and most are adults (Main 4, Tweek, Craig, Wendy, Bebe, all teachers/school faculty, some of the parents like Sheila and Liane, Jimbo and Ned, the Mayor)

- Cartman was nothing more than a bratty spoiled jerk and hated Kenny more

- Stan and Kyle were assholes

- Kenny dying almost every episode

- For some reason, while all seasons can have pretty crazy plots, the ones from S1 stand out more to me on the crazy/unrealistic level (aliens, mecha Barbara Streisand, the thing with the turkeys, Damien aka some kid being the son of Satan etc). But given how crazy shit still happens in recent seasons, I think it might just be the overall tone of these seasons being different ? 🤔

- It’s more about shock value than actual commentary (I think ?)

- Stories focused on the kids

   Era 2 : Seasons 5-9

- What people call the golden era ?

- Still centered around the kids

- The kids are 9 and start to mature a bit but still remain rather innocent --> they still rely on Chef

- “Scott Tenorman Must Die” basically starts off this era by changing Cartman’s character into the monster we now know him as

- Most of the school kids become characters and some episodes focus on them as a whole. Most notably, Butters becomes a character

- Basically the birth of the “12 main kids” as I call them, aka the main 5, Craig and those guys, Timmy and much later on Scott Malkinson. They’re basically the names you’re most likely to hear if you ask someone who casually watches the show to name the 4th grade boys

And yeah you could add Kevin and Jason to this list but Kevin doesn’t have that much personality beyond the “he’s a geek”/”Kevin Goddammit” jokes and I’m not even sure if Jason even has a personality. Could also add David Rodriguez from “You’re Not Yelping” much later but aside from S19 he's more of a background character

- Most parents also get a set personality, most notably Randy

- The show becomes more satirical and a bit more political

   Era 3 : Seasons 10-14 (more precisely up until “You’re Getting Old” in Season 15)

- Started off by the death of Chef, leading to the kids maturing more now that they don’t have a mentor

- Overall a direct continuation to the previous era with the main differences being that 1. Randy becomes a lot more prominent and starts having secondary plots and 2. More and more political jokes

- Tbh the line between what changes from seasons 8-9 to 11-12 actually feels very blurry, like there’s not one specific moment where the tone of the show shifts, hence why Chef’s death + Randy’s new prominence were chosen here

   Era 4 : Seasons 15-17 (more precisely post “You’re Getting Old/Assburgers”)

- Still a continuation from the previous seasons but the personalities of the Main 4 are what evolves :

- Stan becomes cynical due to his depression + starts caring more about his image. He also starts having to deal with addiction and copes with it through board games

- Kyle is taken less seriously as the voice of reason (and starts being put on the side a bit by the other boys ?)

- Cartman chills out a bit (key word here being “a bit”) and seemingly starts seeing a therapist since T.M.I. (though it doesn’t really help, partly because adults in SP suck and partly because Cartman doesn’t seem to want to be helped) + later down the road (“Buddha Box” + the beginning of the first episode of S23 when he vents to Stan + S25), it seems that the trauma from all the shit that happened to him is starting to catch up to him. Also the episode “1%” happens (and I don’t think I know enough about psychology to talk about how Cartman acts in this episode)

- Kenny becomes less and less relevant and mostly seems to show up for episodes centered around him or the main 4

- The adults/Randy plots also continue

   Era 5 : Seasons 18-22 (up until “Tegrity Farms”)

- The serialized seasons

- Starts with minor continuity (like in Season 6) with two-parters as a finale, followed by seasons 20-21 that are very plot-focused, before going back to minor continuity

- The stories seem more down to earth compared to the former seasons ? Like, crazy stuff still happens but the overall tone feels a lot more realistic. In a way, there’s that feeling of “man, life’s so fucked up right now that even what SP portrays feels accurate despite the show usually exaggerating everything”

- A lot more focused on politics and current events/how society evolves ?

   Era 6 : Seasons 22-23 (starting with “Tegrity Farms”)

- The “Tegrity Farms” era

- Very focused on Randy, leading to the kids’ plots being secondary (with the second half of Season 23 feeling more like “specials” than normal episodes, probably not helped by the middle of the season having an episode called “Season Finale”)

- Less overall continuity (the events of the episodes aren’t back-to-back. Like we go from vaping to evil scooters to Amazon in Season 22. And in Season 23 we go from vaccines to vegan food to board games with very disputable “representation”) but the stories still follow the trend of the previous few seasons

   Era ??? : Season 24 + Post Covid/Return of Covid

- The Covid era

- Not even sure if it can be considered an actual era “within the continuity”, it’s more like a parenthesis to talk about Covid before going back to a South Park where Covid “doesn’t exist”

- Nothing much to say here, it’s South Park’s take on Covid (with the bonus of seeing the future that awaits those kids, which was pretty neat and open some very interesting doors for fics)

   Era 7 : Seasons 25-…

- Current era

- So far, looks like they try to go back to what we had in former seasons with the kids doing kids’ stuff, though the adult characters are still majorly present

- Not that much Randy/Tegrity farms overall but random other adults

- The adults might be a way to have a take on political stuff while keeping the kids out of it ?

- Still keeping minor continuity, with no serialization but plot points changing the status quo (Cartman and Tolkien moving)

- We’ll just have to wait and see what comes out of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[clydesdonovan]

do questions 1-10 👀

1. Favorite main character and why they’re your favorite?

kyle!!! i feel like i can't really give a solid reason, i've just always really liked his character. back in the older seasons, he was always going through some sorta crisis about something random and big same lmao. but he's lowkey so smart and while he can be a little naive at times, he really is a good kid and he tries his best.

2. Least favorite main character and why they’re you least favorite?

uhhh does randy count?? tbh, i used to really like randy and thought he was really funny in older episodes, when he was a minor character who appeared occasionally in silly subplots but he's just become too over-saturated imo. i feel like he lost a lot of his good qualities and i'm just not really a fan of modern randy :/

3. Favorite side character and why?

clyde and mike makowski!!

for clyde, i don't really have a reason to give. i was always just drawn to him and loved him and the episodes that featured him, and then he had that big role in the stick of truth and i loved it. he's a lil cutie.

for mike, i love his introduction episode, and how he was building this little group of kids who basically wanted to play vampire. his role in "goth kids 3" was fun too, and i liked that we got a bit of depth to him. and!!! his part in the casa bonita dlc for tfbw was really cute.

(i'm gonna stick the rest under the cut because woo boy this got kinda long!)

4. Least favorite side character and why?

i'm kinda struggling to think of someone tbh so i thiiiink i'm gonna go with tweek for this. there's no real reason for it, and it's kinda ironic because he reminds me of myself sometimes, but i just don't really feel connected to him like i do with a lot of the other characters. i adored him in season 6 but since then it feels like he's kinda just been There for me :(

5. List as many of the South Park kids as you can in order from fave to least fave!

okay this was honestly kinda hard lol this is the best i can do at 2 am

clyde - kyle - mike makowski - stan - kenny - token - wendy - cartman - butters - karen mccormick - craig - tweek

6. Any characters you feel you can relate to?

ironically, tweek! his anxiety and paranoia is Too Real sometimes. i love the "put it down" episode because, like, big same lmao. the episodes that feature tweek and touch on his anxiety are some of his best imo, because it's like... oh haha, i do that.

7. Favorite adult and why?

chef!!! i probably don't even need to explain tbh. he was quite literally the best parental figure for the kids, and he really cared about them so SO much. his advice was always solid and could be applied to real life situations and he was always a really nice, happy breath of fresh air in the chaos that is south park.

8. Least favorite adult and why?

oof, i have several lmao. but i gotta go with stephen and linda stotch. i think that's also pretty self explanatory too. they treat butters like complete garbage and are downright abusive, and while it's played for laughs in the show and all, i just really can't stand them. (liane cartman is a close second, tbqh.)

9. Any characters that you think deserve more spotlight?

i'm biased so i would love another clyde episode!! but i really wanna see more of kenny. he got pretty sidelined in recent seasons and it bums me out because he's one of the core four!! give him the respect he deserves >:(

10. Any dead/one-time characters that you want back?

he's been in 2 episodes so it's not really a "one time" character, but i'd love another mike episode! he's obviously one of my favorite minimal characters and i think there is a lot more they could do with him. i'd also like to see more of gary sometime! i think it would be neat to see him and stan interact again.

[tokyogirlylove]

In your lovechild au, what jobs do the adults have?

OMG ok LISTEN 

I used your ask as an excuse to actually DRAW the adults!! It’s mostly for me, so they are just doodles to help me figure out their appearances and WORK 

some of them are actually NOT that great but im too lazy to fix them up 

Kyle: is a lawyer of COURSE. I didn’t want him to have the same job as his DAD at first but actually looking back on it Lawyer DOES fit him well?? With his big speeches and annoying desire to be the people savior. He also tried for mayor but lost against Wendy. 

Stan: My man WAS a football coach for South Park school team, but quit to throw himself back in 4 years of studies to become a VET! Kyle was extremely supportive the whole time. 

Eric: I mean... I mean COME ON he WOULD suceed climbing up the ranks with manipulations he WOULD ! But don’t worry, marrying Wendy and having 2 daughters actually HELPED making him LESS of an asshole. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t rub it in Kyle’s face every occasions. When they have big meet-ups and old classmates gathering, he shows up in his Chief uniform and it annoys the SHIT out of Kyle (”OF COURSE that fucking FATASS would rub it in EVERYONE fucking FACE!!”)

Wendy: She is the mother fucking mayor. Making her and Cartman the scariest and most powerful couple of South Park. 

Butters: Butters started working as a Florist before eventually owning his own Flower shop <3 That’s why they named their kids afters plants. It angered Stephen at first, wanting his son to be a C.E.O or something, but after his wedding and cutting ties with him, Butters said fuck you and lived happily ever after with his flowers. But he IS good at marketing and handling his own business. 

Kenny: Kenny had it harder. He didn’t do any studies after school and immediately started working as a waiter in different restaurant in south park, waiting for Butters to finish his studies in Denver. He worked hard to help himself and his sister. When he started living with her and Butters he was still a waiter. When Tweek and Craig came back from Washington, Tweek took him in as a waiter again. He worked his ass OFF and climbed up the ranks until Tweek finally gave him his chance and made him co-manager.  But on the side he tries to get himself known in the music industry, Jimmy let him perform (sing) in his bar.

Craig: Craig had excellent results in his studies, and moved to Washington with Tweek when he scored his dream job for NASA. They lived there for 2 years, Tweek tried himself as a drama teacher. But the big city was frustrating for both of them, especially for Tweek’s anxiety. Their couple was in danger, because of the stress Washington was giving them they kept having aweful fights. Craig decided to quit his job and they both moved back to South park. Craig tried different jobs here and there and Tweek felt guilty as hell. But NASA contacted Craig, turns out he was really GOOD at his work. So they offered him his job back, but he could work from home. It’s not ideal, but he was happy to be back. Sometimes he has to travel back to Washington for a few weeks, but their life is better now. 

Tweek: After coming back to South park, Tweek’s parents took him back in, needing his help. He worked for them but at the condition to stop drugging the town. Eventually they decided to retire, making Tweek the manager. Richard is still the legal owner of Tweek Bro. Coffee shop but Tweek actually made a better job than his parents. He started baking for the shop as well. 

Clyde: Clyde had a LOT of difficulties finding a job that fits him. He didn’t do too well in his studies and dropped out. He tried a lot, waiter, football coach, mechano but nothing. He even tried out as a SEX WORKER (to which Token was really supportive) but this dumbass couldn’t have feelingless sex so he quited. He eventually threw himself on Youtube, and actually suceeded for a while with stupid stunts and dares that got him in hospital WAY too many times. But as he grew older he closed the channel and stayed Job-less ever since. He felt guilty for years, and depressed to be taken care of by Token and his job but his husband ASSURED him that he didn’t mind as long as he was happy, and that he had enough money anyway to take care of both of them anyway. They never hired anyone to take care of the house because Clyde wanted to feel usefull. 

Token: ok I didn’t want him to be a lawyer or a chemist like his parents, but Token is HELLA clever, so yeah. He is the C.E.O of his own company (PLEASE don’t ask me WHAT company I still don’t KNOW) His job can be pretty boring sometimes, so he’s glad to be able to go home and cuddle with his goofy husband. 

Jimmy: Jimmy started as a journalist! But threw all away to risk himself and build up his own stand-up comedy bar! Of course he performs a LOT and people love him! His bar is not the most well known, and sometimes it’s hard to stay afloat because South Park is a small town and running business is hard but he manage! Sometimes he let Kenny sings (and when they feel like it, Token and Stan join in) 

Leslie: I mean.... I mostly did it for the joke i’m going to be honest. But YEAH Leslie is an advertising copywritter! She mostly work in an office with her team but sometimes works from home. 

Bebe: Bebe had a hard time scoring that job! People though she was going to be a sex worker or something like that, but she proved everyone wrong and suceeded! She’s doesn’t make TON of money but she’s very happy.  She lives in South park but has to travel from time to time for her job. 

Red: Red works in a piercing & tattoo shop owned by Michael. She loves it but as they grew older and started having kids, Bebe was worried that Red was not “mother material” with her job and style. This led to a lot of fighting and CLOSE divorce but after a VERY long, and open-hearted talk, Red explained to her that tattoo and piercing does not stop her from parenting. It can be unconventional to have a MOTHER that looks like her, but it doesn’t mean their son (Logan at that time) won’t love her. Bebe cried harder than day and apologized to her for all of the prejudices she holded against her. They definitely get nasty stares from time to time, whispers about setting a bad exemple, but Logan (and James later) never saw their mom the way people see her. (she has tattoo all over her arms but i was too LAZY AND TIRED) 

[weedle-testaburger]

at the risk of being cringe, i feel like talking SP Fandom Things:

half the super talented people eventually leave the fandom bc this show is a dumpster fire, the other half can’t bear to let go, so we still get disproportionately amazing fan content given what sp is

being expected to take a side in style vs kyman

everyone loves the shit out of kenny and his siblings

butters is the purest cinnamon roll and a trans/genderqueer icon

they mentioned once clyde likes tacos so everyone hcs him as the next chubbiest behind cartman and/or a memer

everyone loves creek (and jokes aside sometimes it’s actually legitimately good mlm rep when t&m can be fucked giving them screentime rather than doing another randy episode)

stan and craig are objectively hipsters and one of the biggest ships even though they barely ever speak to each other

just 99% of weird fandom memes revolve around craig (long leg craig, pastor craig, tentadick craig etc.)

no one in the show thinks jimmy is funny but everyone in the fandom loves him to bits

we stan all the girls, and so we should

everyone knows pretty much all the background kids by heart and probably stans at least one one-off character

aside from mr mackey sometimes no one ever likes the adults

every time we get a preview of the new season the ‘why is every fucking episode about randy’ song resurfaces and we ask if they keep making him important in episodes to troll us

ric122, a name that lives in infamy (especially if you genuinely ship stan and wendy and feel kinda ashamed of it bc of him)

we all collectively lost our minds when stick of truth and fractured but whole came out

everyone loved season 19 and thought season 20 was gonna be great until it ended with like 50 unresolved plot threads

if an episode doesn’t involve the kids that much everyone hates it, if it does we all love it even if it’s kinda boring

the live streams of the new episodes airing always being full of something like 50 people desperate for their fave to get a plot or a line while not giving a shit about the plot, plus memes about the subtitles or commercials (i maintain [urinating] and SPICE21 are god-tier)

the small clique of fans who stan matt and trey

almost everyone on here outside the fandom hates us and the show with a passion and though they’re rude af and annoying about it, i totally get it

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #293

“your head upon a stick would look really sick, but they would call me crazy for the way i spoke to it”

Hey bitch, what's your fucking name? What a start, jc lmao. Brittany. What color are your nails? They're not painted. Last time you got some ass? Well this survey's gonna be a journey. Many years ago. Do your parents like your style/music choices? Yeah, at least most of it. Some music my mom really doesn't like or just hates, while I can't even imagine Dad's reaction to some bands I enjoy. Ever seen your parents make out? tbh would rather slam my ankle on a Razor scooter. What's your dream height and weight? Forget about my height, if I could just be at least 120 again... Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What do you do when your house loses power? Light a bunch of candles and carry flashlights. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek piercings. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes. I grew up going to Sunday school and church, even though I hated both. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Gah... it was a very, very big source of argumentative fuel between Mom and me all the way up to my late teenage years when she just gave up; now, it's to be expected and is completely "normal." I always wanted to be on the computer once I was introduced to it; she tried to limit my time on it, and it was without fail what she would take away whenever I was grounded. I'd even sneak onto it when I wasn't allowed to if she wasn't home and Dad was in their room. My mom really did try to keep me from being hooked on technology, she really did, it just didn't work, but dear god I wish it did. I just about turn into a caveman without some form of it, and it's pretty pathetic. Dad meanwhile has never really cared much, but he'd make a comment here and there that would make me self-conscious about it. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, and guess who would be ignored for the rest of their lives if they did. It's so fucking disrespectful and objectifying to me. If someone wants to send a partner something like that by their own volition, that's cool, but asking, that just seems incredibly rude to me and turns the person into an object of lust. Ever been so scared you pissed? Caaan't say I have. Can you watch scary movies at night and not be scared? Yeah, they've never really fazed me. Last reason you got your cell taken away? I actually don't know if that's ever happened, given the aforementioned computer thing. I was never hooked on my phone. Could you handle working on a farm? Nooooo, that is way too much physical exertion. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? ugh Do you have a favorite type of firework? Well, visually I really just like the big colorful ones, but I don't endorse the use of fireworks anymore. Some animals literally die from fear, they can be seriously upsetting to veterans with PTSD (you could have one in your neighborhood and never know you indirectly gave them a panic attack), and they're a large source of litter. Where would/did you get your first tattoo? My right wrist. What's your favorite kind of pet? Snakes. Favorite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is obviously the coolest. It's always been my fave. How many pets do you have? Sigh, just two. Our landlord doesn't want us to get anymore pets than what we came in with. What were two of your favorite Disney movies as child? The Lion King and Finding Nemo. They're still my favorite Disney movies. When carving pumpkins, how do you decide what you're going to do? I haven't carved a pumpkin in years... so idk. Do you own any art supplies? Some, yeah. Do you believe you have a higher IQ than most? Definitely not. What is the name of the doctor that delivered you? I have no clue. Mom knows him for sure because she's mentioned him from my childhood, but I don't. Have you ever seen a Lamborghini in person? Hunny, I live in rural North Carolina. You don't see that level of bougie here lmao. Shane Dawson: funny or annoying? I honestly think he's fucking hilarious. I just have such conflicting feelings about him after "the drama," hearing so many people's opinions (particularly from those who know him so well, like his fiance and Ryland's sister), fact checking, audio cutting and mixing, the whole "people change" philosophy... I don't know. When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last? I ain't touchin' strawberry. Gross. If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick? I'd wanna be a shapeshifter/druid. What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers? Yikes, sex toys. Given my age, I'd say if I bought adult diapers, people would assume they weren't for me. I'm awkward enough with all things relating to sex to begin with, so. What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever killed? Yo wtf I never have and never will (intentionally) kill an animal. Well, correction: I've killed bugs before, the biggest probably being some spider or something, but I really try to avoid this now. Could you win the Hunger Games? lol hell to the fuck no, have you seen me??? For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing? ... Maybe? Not saying I wanna find out, though. Have you ever been punched in the face? No, plan on keeping it that way. Is morality universal or relative? I question this myself. Who is your favorite late night talk show host? I don't have one. Where do you put your keys when you get home? They stay in my purse. Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? Neither. The sheer variety of questions relating to coffee and tea in surveys boggles my mind, always feel left out that I can't answer 'em lmao. What’s your phone background picture? My lock screen is this pretty, soft aesthetic screen that has "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough" written in the center. I've really needed it for my mental health lately. My home screen is some meerkats. I know, can you believe neither are currently Mark? Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? Plenty. How do you cope with anxiety? Deep breathing, mindfulness and grounding exercises, confiding in my mom, listening to music (usually my favorite calm, instrumental soundtracks, like from the Silent Hill franchise - particularly the second game! - or Shadow of the Colossus), try to nap, play a game as a distraction, watch my favorite YouTubers (typically something funny)... I'm lucky to have learned a lot. Now, if only I could cope with social anxiety... What was the last takeout food you ate? Oh Jesus, how embarrassing is this timing, seeing as it was one of my unhealthiest fast food orders: Son of the Baconator and Baconator fries from Wendy's. It was so fuckin good tho. Who makes you laugh the most? My friend Girt. What does a successful relationship look like to you? One with great communication and total honesty, and when you are able to build each other up and bring out the best in your partner. It's also imperative for you to feel safe being your authetic safe for me to consider it "successful." What do you like to put on your baked potato? "Salt, pepper, butter, cheese, bacon bits." <<<< That's how we do it, lads. What was the most memorable birthday you’ve had? My 16th, but not for good reasons. Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? That's easy as hell, mountains. I don't like the beach. Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah. Not gonna like what I see no matter what, but I'd like to make sure I don't look worse whan what's normal. Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? No. What do you like to dip your fries in? It varies between ketchup and honey mustard. What’s your favorite kind of museum? Science. Do you believe in alternate universes? Nah, I don't think so. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. What games do you play on your smart phone? Mostly just Pokemon GO nowadays. I haven't touched Dragons of Atlantis in a long time... Do you know anyone who is colorblind? Jason's older brother is red/green colorblind, I think? Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? Middle. What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? Ugh, I need to finish decorating my damn room... Got most of the stuff on the walls now, but it's still pretty skeletal in self expression. My motivation is abysmal. Have you ever flown a kite? Oh yeah, I loved to fly a kite with Dad as a little kid when the tobacco field just across the road was barren. Who was the last person you talked about sex/relationships with? My doctor. How many brothers does your father have? I'm almost certain he doesn't have one, just one sister. Do you think you act older or younger than your actual age? It depends on the situation. When it comes to "adulting," I don't have a fuckin clue what I'm doing. I doubt anyone would believe I'm a month shy of 25. In terms of general maturity, I think I act my age, if not older. When was the last time you swam in a pool? It's been years. What are your parents' views on your relationships? Mom is always very supportive so long as they treat me right; she's taken to all my previous partners very well and treated them like family, too. My dad is also supportive as long as I'm treated properly and happy. Is your best friend dating anyone? No. Have you ever babysat before? Twice, but not really willingly. Way too stressful. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? It took a very, very long time, but all pictures with Jason are forever deleted. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? Not a huge crush, no. Ever watched porn? No. You do you, but I don't see the appeal of watching some random people fuck. Ever performed in a talent show? No. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nope. How many celebrity crushes have you had? I'd say Jesse McCartney, Link Neal, and Mark Fischbach are my only BIG celeb crushes I've had. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? I dunno, don't feel like reaching back and counting. Ever been compared to a celebrity? Not visually, but with my adoration of animals. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? Oh, I'm sure. None that are horribly embarrassing though, or else I would have deleted them. Ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen a therapist since the 6th grade. Ever purposely ignored a text? Yep. A Facebook message? Sure have, when I was beyond done arguing with a former friend. A friend request? No, I just decline or accept it. My page is private, so you can't see my activity, and it's not like they get notified if it's declined, Would you say you read into things too much? I am the fucking sovereign of this. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? I love my mom to death, but no. I'd be disappointed. Ever had a credit card denied? I've never had one in the first place. Ever had the lead in a play? No. I do remember though in elementary school, I was real bummed that I wasn't Snow White for one we did for Music class. What about a solo in a concert? Never been in a concert. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? Well. One, she's long past menopause. Two, because of ovarian cancer, she had all those organs removed. So, that would be impossible. Have you ever had a threesome? No; I'm personally strictly monogamous and would feel it to be disloyal, even if my parnter was okay with it. What's the last game you used dice for? Not a clue. Are you interested in surfing at all? Have you ever been? No. What brand of bottled water do you prefer? Essentia. What is your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. What is your favorite chocolate candy? motherfuckin REESE'S Have you ever been called a racial slur? No, considering I'm Caucasian. Why did you last stand in line? I was at the doctor's office, I think? What is your favorite pirate movie? /shrug What is your favorite character from Orange Is the New Black? I've never watched it. What was the most unsettling film you’ve seen? Watching the ending to Paranormal Entity was VERY uncomfortable. It was a decently scary movie, but the ending was seriously intense. When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t? I don't recall. Which celebrity or band has the worst fan base? I don't know. What are you interested in that most people aren’t? The sheer degree of my love for meerkats would definitely be missed by probably most people. What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement? I dunno. Anything I could think of, the most current products probably already have and I'm just uninformed of them. Like, I use a Tracfone lmao. What’s something people don’t worry about but really should? Their plastic usage and disposal. I'm certainly no saint when it comes to plastic either, but I try to do all I can. What movie quotes do you use on a regular basis? Hm, ARE there any? Do you think that children born today will have better or worse lives than their parents? This depends on what you consider "better" and "worse." Environmentally, I honestly don't think mankind can maintain itself for that many more generations at the rate we're currently at, so that's probably just gonna keep getting worse. On the other hand, advances in medicine and things like that will certainly continue to improve quality of life in that sense. Human rights are getting better and better. I do fear that we're becoming too comfortable with laziness and convenience, but I hope that's a decline we don't continue to venture down. What’s the funniest actual name you’ve heard of someone having? I had a college classmate named Apple. Which charity or charitable cause is most deserving of money? Oh, come on now. It's not a competition. What game have you spent the most hours playing? So. When you type /played in World of Warcraft, it will show you your total playtime, and mine is YIKES. Like, around a year's worth of time of pure playing since 2014, I think. What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever been in? I don't recall. What’s the hardest you’ve ever worked? When I did WiiFit religiously and lost around 40 pounds in HS. I was in the best shape of my life. What movie, picture, or video always makes you laugh no matter how often you watch it? Oh, there's certainly something. Probably some Unus Annus clip. That channel was a fucking blessing and a curse all the same. If you could have an all-expenses paid trip to see any famous world monument, which monument would you choose? Oh boy, I'd have to think, but probably somewhere in Rome or Greece. What’s the coldest you’ve ever been? I'm unsure. Probably jumping in the pool as a kid. My sisters and I would nag Dad to put the pool up on like the very first day of spring, so of course it was cold, but as a kid, I didn't mind that. What’s the most ridiculous thing you have bought? Hm. What’s the most depressing meal you’ve eaten? Ha ha yiiiikes, struggle foods... I don't know, but I've had some. What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to? Herping, though I change my mind on-and-off about it. I'm not very into the idea of disturbing wildlife just because they're cool and you wanna check them out. I'd totally go exploring with a camera, though, and not actually pick anything up. If you were given five million dollars to open a small museum, what kind of museum would you create? Hm... I actually think something like an art museum for the mentally ill would be pretty interesting and educational? Even something that could build empathy. Maybe mix some psychology in there to understand conditions.

[tweekscoffeebean]

tweet and craig for the ask game

I will do them separately.

Tweek first :)

How I feel about this character?

Tweek is probably my 2nd favorite character (only after Craig). I adore him because even though he had a mental illness (anxiety) and is probably a caffeine/meth addict he still very likable and has shown to over come his anxiety in certain circumstance. Sure he can panic and does get anxious but he has proven that he is quite capable of taking care of himself and that he will fight for those he cares about. Like when he went and tried to rescue the main boys. " All I want are my friends back, except Cartman you can keep him." This showed that in a very stressful situation he was able to push his own fears aside and stand up for what he believed in. Also considering how the main boys didnt always treat him kindly it goes to show how loyal he is. I kind of would love to see him interacting with them a bit more.

Also in Budda box when Craig was basically ignoring him and the world while using the Budda box, instead of having a complete meltdown or fighting/breaking up with Craig, Tweek stood by him and supported him. He took him to counseling to try to help Craig with his anxiety. That probably was ' alot of pressure' and scary but he didnt panic and focused on helping Craig instead.

I also really like how as a character he has a ton of potential, he is not just a twitchy spazz. He can act, bake, play the piano, write music, make paper hats, etc. He has alot of talents and I hope we get to see more of them.

All the people I ship with this character

I only ship Tweek with Craig because I honestly dont see any other character working romantically with either one of them. They are just so sweet and pure with eachother and they seem to bring out the best in eachother. They may have started as a joke, a way for Trey and Matt to poke fun at yaoi and shippers, but what we got in return is probably the most healthy relationship in the entire show. I really like their dynamics with eachother and hope we get to see their relationship strengthed more in future episodes.

Non Romantic OTP for this character?

Tweek and Wendy. I just think they could form a really sweet friendship because she was there for him when creek ' broke up'. I kind of head canon Tweek being good friends with the majority of the girls anyways.

I also like the idea of Tweek being better friends with Craig's gang as he would be apart of it but think its healthy if they also spent time apart as well.

Also he was probably really close with Jason RIP.

Unpopular opinion about this character

I am not sure if its really a unpopular opinion but I think Tweek has the most abusive parents on the show, yes even worse then Butters parents.

Tweeks dad has shown time and time again he only cares about the coffee business.

And Tweeks mom seems to just go along with whatever her husband wants.

One thing I wish would happen in canon.

I really want them to further address his home life and how that has effected him. We all know because of Stick of truth that his parents put Meth in his coffee(and the towns). We already know from canon that his parents are abusive, and that his father only seems to care about the coffee business. I think it would be interesting to see what happens when others (especially Craig) find out just why Tweek is so addicted to coffee and why he had such bad anxiety.

Creek relationship wise I would like them to age them up just a touch (13/14) so we can have a creek kiss🥰. Plus I think aging all of the kids up would lead to more stories and we would get less adults.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Ah, good old South Park, the most famous creation of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and one of the great candidates for “show that maybe has gone on too long but sometimes it’s still great so I tolerate it.” South Park has a long, checkered history, filled with genuinely great humor and insightful political commentary as well as obnoxious centrism and really unfunny jokes. To this day it’s a very polarizing show, with people having strong opinions on it from every direction. But I think there’s one thing we can all agree on:

The movie was really freaking cool.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is a movie where, from the title alone, you know what you’re getting into – a raunchy trip down to South Park (for those who don’t get it, think about what else might be big, long, and uncut). But surprisingly it ends up being more deep than all that, though yes, there is still a lot more raunchiness than most other animated films of the time. But if it were just raunchy humor it would probably end up deflating and not be well-remembered or well-liked even today – as much as I personally find movies like Sausage Party entertaining, they’re more novelties than anything and I kind of doubt they’ll be looked back on fondly nearly two decades down the line. What did this film do different?

I think one thing that helps the film is it’s odd style. You see, this movie is a musical. A beautiful, foul-mouthed Disney Renaissance parody musical. And I’m going to be honest here, just about every song in this is amazing. You’ve got the Oscar-nominated smash “Blame Canada,” you’ve got the seedy little villain song “I Can Change,” you have the beautiful “Up There” which will make you feel sorry for Satan, and you have Terrence and Phillip’s song in which they accuse each other of fornicating with their uncles, wuth a title a bit too spicy for Michael in the Mainstream. Oh, and this movie also has the definitive version of “Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch.” I honestly feel like there’s not a single weak song on the soundtrack, and most of them are pretty hilarious. I’d say the songs are good enough not to lose to Phil Collins at the Oscars, but also not good enough to justify a petty episode-length tirade about Phil Collins.

The general themes of this movie are good as well. The main plot is that the kids sneak into a Terrence and Phillip movie which is R-rated and filled with profanity, they mimic what they see in the film, and so then they go and try and ban the movie and, well, blame Canada, to the point where Kyle’s mom starts a war with Canada via her protesting. The parodying of the strictness of censorship, the hypocrisy of regulations, and of course the blatant hypocrisy on how graphic violence is okay for general audiences but naughty words are not is still relevant even today in a climate where some people think that movies like Joker are too “dangerous” and “controversial” and might incite copycats. You have to understand, it is the responsibility of the viewer to ethically consume the art, and it is the responsibility of parents or guardians to moderate what sort of content their children are consuming, and that if your kids are sneaking into R-rated movies, cussing up a storm, or lighting their farts on fire, the blame isn’t something that can just be put on the media they consume, because there are obviously other factors that lead to this. This movie’s argument was given around the same time as the whole “violence in video games” debate was gathering speed, and it’s kind of sad that these conversations still need to be had today. Still, I think this has aged better than most of their other messages, and the fact it’s still relevant only helps strengthen their message and make up for some of the more obviously dated jokes, like the references to Windows ‘98 or Jar-Jar Binks.

I think the best part of this movie, though, is Satan and his relationship with Saddam Hussein. I think it was a very interesting choice to reimagine Satan, a traditionally evil figure, as a sad, lonely homosexual man in a toxic relationship who merely wishes to find the freedom, happiness, and true companionship he believes he truly deserves. In fact, while Satan is ostensibly supposed to be the vicious conqueror of Earth after all the seals are broken, he expresses distate in the idea, and it is Saddam, his toxic lover, who pushes him. I honestly love Satan’s character arc in this film, where he discovers his self-worth and gains the confidence to rid himself of Saddam, stop being a doormat, and stand up for himself. Honestly, he really fits the sort of character arc Disney princesses of the time went through, a comparison I’m sure he’d be satisfied with. I also like how this is the rare piece of media that shows a toxic non-heterosexual relationship and plays it relatively seriously, something that I don’t think I really saw again until Steven Universe. Like, there are definitely jokes centered around their relationship, but it’s the comically evil Saddam who’s the butt of the jokes and Satan is always portrayed in a very sympathetic light, and it’s not really portrayed as “Haha, they’re gay!” but more as “Haha, Saddam Hussein has a dildo!”

Of course, there are bits of this movie I don’t necessarily like. The awkward love triangle with Stan and Wendy is largely unnecessary, and the whole “find the clitoris” joke has such a weird, out-there payoff that I can’t really get behind it. I also hate how some characters get horribly underused. I understand this is before characters like Randy or Butters really rose up to major character status, but the fact that Chef and Mr. Garrison barely get anything to do in the movie is a bit egregious. Like sure, they have roles, they have lines, but I feel like for the big movie event they should have given some of the major faces of the series a bit more to do.

Still, these are minor complaints. This is one of the best animated films ever made, with a resonant message, catchy songs, and mostly good humor, as well as an oddly compelling gay romance subplot involving the Prince of Darkness and a Middle Eastern dictator. It’s the sort of crass, in-your-face brilliantly offensive fun that South Park is at its best, and while it does get preachy, it never feels needlessly so like some of the later episodes. If you’re a fan of the show, you’ve either seen this already or should watch it right now, and if you want to get into the show, this honestly isn’t a bad jumping in point. If you just want good raunchy adult animation in cinematic form, this is also right up your alley.

Frankly, I’m just amazed at how well most of this film has aged, considering how poorly South Park episodes that cover topical subjects tend to fare even a few months after they air. I wouldn’t go as far as to say the movie is a timeless classic, but it’s definitely a classic in most regards. It’s funny, it’s smart, it’s immature, it’s offensive, it’s even a little emotional, and really it’s everything good about South Park condensed into one movie, with very little of the bad. Mr. Hanky and Towelie aren’t in this, after all.

[kanima-claws]

ʀᴇᴀʟ; ᴀ ᴊᴇʀɪᴄᴀ ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇ

THEY'RE THREE when Erica plants one on him for the first time. With sticky hands, she grabs a hold of both of his cheeks and plants her lips, wet and coated with strawberry jam right on his. The adults think it's absolutely adorable—Jackson, confused, drops his peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the grass. THEY'RE SIX and playing Peter Pan and Wendy when Erica kisses him for the second time. Jackson absolutely REFUSED to play house, especially if Erica was going to make him be the dog again while she was the rich business woman who didn't need a husband. He's just rescued Wendy, played by Erica, from the clutches of the wretched Captain Hook, played by his giant stuffed bear, Mr. Huggington, by way of an epic sword fight. "Peter, you're my hero!" Erica throws her arms around Jackson's neck and before he knows it, her lips are jammed against the skin of his cheek. He doesn't remember this part of the movie. THEY'RE EIGHT when his world comes crashing down. His parents aren't really his parents. Eight years old is far too young to have an existential crisis, yet here he is, wondering if his parents love him, if anything is real, if his whole life is a lie. It's around eight pm when Erica finds him in Neverland, their shared tree house in his backyard. Their dads spent all day building it, which worked out since they spent all day, every day in it. She doesn't even use her secret pass word (Thimble was hers, his was Acorn) but he doesn't care. Nothing matters anyway. They say nothing for a long time, which is how he likes it. Their legs hang off the edge of the platform. Erica has brought him dinner that his mom made, but he's not hungry and that woman is NOT his mom. But the food smells really good and he's so hungry and sad that he breaks down into tears right then and there. Erica doesn't say anything. The plate is moved aside and she pulls him into her arms, pressing a cool kiss to his cheek. His friends, if they knew, would tell him to wipe it off because cooties but this is is Neverland, a safe space where no one else is allowed, so their opinions don't matter. Nothing matters. THEY'RE TWELVE when he's first introduced to the concept of mistletoe and forced to participate. His head tilts up to look at the plant dangling above their heads. What the big deal again? Why is this plant such a big deal and why is his mother eating this up and trying to take a picture with her camera? "Come on, Jackson," His mother pleads, "Just one peck on the cheek, please!" Erica seems to be growing redder and redder with every passing second. So, to put them both out of their misery, he leans over and places a chaste kiss on the girl's burning cheek. "There," He says with finality before turning back to his brand new drone, "Happy?" The adults eat it up, but Erica is strangely quiet. She doesn't talk to him for the rest of the night. She's not even interested in his new drone that they can use to scout out intruders threatening Neverland (or just spy around the neighbourhood.)  Whatever. Girls didn't understand. They never did. THEY'RE THIRTEEN when Erica drags him to audition for some stupid play. He's not even expecting to get in, he's just there for moral support. The next thing he knows, he's wearing a pair of suffocating tights (something he thought he left behind when he stopped dressing up as Peter Pan) and getting ready to kiss Erica on stage in front of the ENTIRE SCHOOL. And their parents. And complete strangers. The costume plus the bright spotlight plus the nerves of it all have Jackson sweating bullets. He's so worried about *kissing Erica without making it weird* that he blanks on his lines. Erica's eyes dart her way and she glances toward him, repeating her line and hoping that he'll act. He doesn't. He's frozen. "What the hell are you doing?" She mutters underneath her breath. "I, uh, I," His mouth flaps open and closed, but he's got no words, "I forgot—" She doesn't even need to know the rest of sentence, evident by her eye roll, "You forgot your lines, of course you did. Just—kiss me, you idiot." "What?" "Kiss me!" Not needed the further prompting, he grabs Erica by the waist, as rehearsed, dips her down and presses his lips to hers. It's a gentle kiss, a lot softer than he expects it to be. The crowd loves it. THEY'RE FOURTEEN when they go to their first REAL party. The kind with no adults and boys and girls playing spin the bottle in someone's basement. Erica sat very close to Jackson during the game, which was kind of cramping his style. He kept scooting away little by little, but she kept scooting closer no matter what. He didn't want anyone to think they were *dating* he had to keep his options open, especially since they were just about to start high school. Erica was his friend, but he didn't want her to be his *girlfriend*. Some kid named Greenberg spins the bottle in the middle of the circle and as it slows to a stop Jackson prays to whatever god is listening that it doesn't land on him. Luckily, his prayers are answered. Instead of landing on him, the neck of the bottle points at a bright red Erica. The group lets out varying whoops and hollers, everyone looking pleased except for Greenberg. "Aw, what! No, I wanna spin again!" Jackson feels his heart drop into his stomach. Out the corner of his eye, he can see Erica's chin trembling. She pulls her sweater sleeves over her hands and places them into her lap. "No, you can't spin again, dumbass," Jackson speaks up, "Those are the rules." "But I don't wanna kiss her," Greenberg insists, "Look at her, she's gonna give me whatever that thing is on her mouth!" That thing was a scab from when she fell during a seizure and it wasn't even on her mouth, it was on her chin. But Greenberg was a fucking idiot with a stupid fucking name, so what did he know? Before Jackson could tell him off, Erica stood and bolted out of the room.As if they were on some kind of sitcom, the group awed with pity as Erica bounded up the steps. Jackson was on his feet before she even hit the second step. "Aw Jackson, you gonna go chase after you girlfriend? I hope she doesn't try to—" Jackson never got to hear what his hope was. As soon as the word "girlfriend" left Greenberg's lips, Jackson was cocking his fist back. His knuckles connected with the other boy's jaw as the basement door slammed shut above them. He found her at Neverland about twenty minutes later, trying to cover up the fact that she was crying. "No one's ever gonna kiss me," She cries as she wiped away tears with her already wet sweater sleeves. "Look at me. I'm almost a freshman and I've never had my first kiss and everyone thinks I'm some kind of freak. I only got invited to this party because of you. No one really likes me, Jax. I'm just...a joke." None of those things are true. She wasn't a joke. HE liked her, even if he did a shit job at showing it. She got invited to the party because he WANTED there and didn't want to go without her, his best friend. He couldn't say any of that though, because by the way Erica's lips parted he knew she was going to go on another rant. Before the first self-depreciating word can exit her mouth, Jackson leans over, his lips capturing hers. He was hoping his first REAL kiss would be with Jenny Alvarez, but as he cups Erica's cheek and melts into her, he's glad it's with her. He realises he'd rather spend all night kissing her than being stuck in Greenberg's mold covered basement with kids pretending to be cool, or drunk, or better than anyone else.

She was as REAL as it got.

@queencfwolves

[ghosttrolls]

Food Discourse

Okay here’s the deal. We’re all reblogging posts and sending each other asks and dms about this so here it is. I’m gonna make a masterpost of the food I’ve seen mentioned and say my opinion on each one and then anyone who wants to can answer once and for all, their opinions on this stuff

Oatmeal: not my favorite. kind of weird, but i’ve eaten it before and i might again

Mustard: great! the only condiment provided at barbecues that i’ll even consider consuming.

Ketchup: SUCKS. the least valid.

ranch: sucks

Barbecue sauce: sucks. second to last in terms of validity

Mayo: gross. gross. tied for second to least valid

Rice and/or pasta cooked in Gatorade: eh. it’s just blue now

Onions: delicious. put em in a sandwich! cook them in butter and drizzle that over your potatoes! slice one up and eat it raw! it’s all good!

Raw vegetables: okay, I guess.

Lettuce and cucumbers: don’t like lettuce and cucumbers are also invalid. sorry. they’re just crunchy water.

Cooked vegetables: fine with seasoning or with rice or in a soup. typically plain is boring and mushy

Olives: gross. smells gross, tastes gross.

Popcorn: fantastic. i make it all the time. along with Cheez-its, i eat it using chopsticks quite often to keep my hands clean

Wendy’s Frosty and fries together: a delicacy. don’t even think about eating those fries plain

Sour cream: a good condiment; typically with mashed potatoes or potato chips or quesadillas.

Yogurt: the act of eating it makes me feel like I’m physically dying. i’d say it’s okay but i feel so bad while eating it, i don’t even know why, it tastes fine and afterwards i’m fine

Tomatoes: gross on their own and i can’t eat them or anything containing them anyway, except for salsa. it’s the literal only exception. any other tomato product makes me feel like im dying for several hours at least. i have to order pizza without marinara sauce

Lemons and limes: good on everything, good on their own, just bite into a lemon, i don’t care. i’m great at making lemonade and if you say my previous opinions make me an unreliable source tell that to the 50 bucks and empty pitcher of lemonade in one day of me selling my hand-sqeezed, sweet and tart lemony goodness in my ghost town of a neighborhood

Pineapple: bad on pizza, good on its own. I’ve bought a fresh one at the store, sliced it up, and eaten the whole thing in one sitting before. a delicious fruit

Pickles: juicy, but with flavor, instead of its watery predecessor. the superior stage of the cucumber.

Cream cheese: i love the stuff. as a kid i used to just eat if off a spoon. eat it on a bagel, mix it into mashed potatoes, sweeten it and throw it on a cake. it’s good - just don’t put it on popcorn.

Plain Cheerios and banana: do not combine these. it’s a regretful mistake that’s haunted me since i was 2 years old

Juice boxes: the ultimate way to hydrate oneself. just suck back five of these and you’re good to go. why is this even under consideration

Milk: i can’t drink it on its own. it physically repulses me to try, even though I’m not actually lactose intolerant. as adults humans aren’t really supposed to drink the stuff anyway - at least, we weren’t.

@what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me is the most valid from what i’ve heard so far but why don’t we get @ceciliaspen @d-o-t-s and @voidetrap in on this too since y’all are the ones that come to my mind as the most vocal in all this Phandom Phood Discourse

if you wanna use this list for anything please go ahead