#so as to not spoil my friends who've not seen it

[grimsonandclover]

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Sympathy is a knife.1

or; Broken bones hurt less than broken girls

Stanford!Tashi x tennis player!reader

Song of the post 'Limp - Fiona Apple'

You didn't respect tennis, so why should she respect you? She hated you. The spoiled nepo-baby who's never had to work a day in her life, and yet somehow you've managed to pay your way into NYU and play on the team. Somehow, you managed to beat her last year when Stanford played NYU, and now she's scheduled to play you again at the French Open. You're a goddamnned mess, everyone knows that.

So how are you still so good?

You're a trainwreck self sabotaging in front of the world.

So why does she feel so terrible when you're on the ground, crying like that, clutching your knee? She should be celebrating. But she's not.

SFW

6k words

angst, rivals to ...something? more in part 2 whenever that is, reader's got issues, death of a parent, mommy AND daddy issues, substance abuse by the reader and possible addiction/dependancy, injury, early 2000s NYC socialite treatment, reader is very irresponsible with a DUI (ewww don't do that please), some vomit, panic attacks, some trauma post-parent death, pre-established relationship, cheating, art follows tashi like a lost puppy, suicidal thoughts/depressions, thats a weird order to put those warnings in but oh well, just overall sad times, big sister tashi, reader should get a therapist but instead she parties and plays tennis, best friend patrick

"You're fucking joking." Are the first words Tashi Duncan says when she's told that she's going to compete against you next week. They come out venom-laced and shoot from her lips like daggers. Then, she says them again. "You're fucking joking."

You, the prodigy of NYU that should've been kicked out long ago if not for your pure, unbridled talent (if unbridled talent meant daddy's money, too). You, the daughter of a late, hot-shot Hollywood producer father and triple-divorcee restauranteur mother. You, the younger sister to B-list nepo-baby actress Seline, the older sister to teenage heartthrob boyband member Jonah. You, the tennis star with her name known by people who've never even seen a single match of tennis in their life during the day, and hot-mess socialite with her DUI mugshot from last year plastered on TMZ by night, your name sprinkled over several blind items on Crazy Days And Nights despite your big-name boyfriend. You, the only person comparable in skill to Tashi Duncan. You, who had already beat her once the same week you got that DUI.

Tashi Duncan hated you.

No, hate was too simple of a word. Hate couldn't begin to describe what she felt. It was more akin to revulsion. You were revolting to her. She felt physically sick when she was in the same room as you, which wasn't often. Until now. Now she had to once again share a court with you at the French Open.

For a split second, she considered pulling out. Then, she got her shit together and remembered that she's Tashi Nicole Duncan, and she wouldn't let a mess of a person like you with no respect for the sport make her think like that.

"Art, could you call my coach?"

Her pet-- I mean, her friend did as she asked, handing the phone to her. "What's the earliest you're available tomorrow?"

"You're fucking joking..." Are the first words you say when you're told that you're going to compete against Tashi next week. They come out quiet and tired, slow and disappointed. "She hates me. She hates me and she's going to kill me.

Tashi, the prodigy of Stanford with better grades than you could ever dream of achieving. Tashi, the daughter of a very much alive working-class father and happily married once mother, oldest sister to twins Nathalie and Renee, who are very normal teenage girls still living their normal lives in high school. Tashi, the tennis star every coach wants to get their hands on, with sponsors creaming their pants for her name on their products. Tashi, who's never once been arrested because that's just not a thing well-rounded people do. TMZ has barely ever even heard of her, and nobody's ever anonymously speculated who she's sleeping with. Tashi, the only person comparable in skill to you. Tashi, who looked like she'd rather she was pronounced dead the day before than hear your name announced by the umpire last year.

Tashi Duncan hated you.

It wasn't just your insecure mind making that up, either. She made it blatantly obvious that she did when you went to shake her hand after winning against her. You could still see the laser-hot glare she gave you if you closed your eyes. Feel the iron grip of her soft hands on yours, like she was restraining herself from snapping your wrist. You didn't look forward to seeing those eyes stare holes into your skull until you got a headache, again, next week.

"Maybe I shouldn't go this year. I don't know... I mean, I just recovered from my ankle, and-"

"Don't be ridiculous." Your best friend, Patrick, cut you off, rolling his eyes. "You're not a pussy bitch, you're a tennis player. Act like one."

Despite his choice of words, you knew it came from a good place. The reassuring smile on him reaffirmed that. Patrick seemingly knew what you were capable of better than you did. "You're going to do fine."

Charlie, your boyfriend, patted your shoulder as he passed you to grab a bottle of water, offering no words of comfort past that. He never tried much in that department. Or most departments, it seemed. It's like he thought relationships were like modeling: show up and look pretty, that's all. You were there showering him with praise and words of affirmation when he had a stomach bug during fashion week and was scared he couldn't walk. Charlie reciprocated by patting you on the shoulder while you paced your living room.

Turning to your mom, who was sitting in a chair nearby, didn't do much to help ease your anxiety like Patrick's words did, though. She was on her phone, texting and calling the dozens of people she kept in contact with a day. It took her a minute to realize you were trying to get her attention.

"Oh, Christ, Y/N, you'll be fine." She waved her hand nonchalantly. "You'll win and it'll all be fine. And if you don't, well... maybe she'll feel like you're even. How's that?"

God, your feet were killing you in these chunky platforms. Is that wet patch on your skinny jeans from a spilled drink or are you so drunk you wet yourself on the dancefloor? Where are you, what's the name of this place? Patrick doesn't seem to know, either. You're pretty sure Paris is about two shots away from making out with him, based on the way she's staring at him. Why the fuck did you choose to wear skinny jeans, these are miserable. The sequin dress was right there. Is the music louder than usual? The brights are too light right now-- wait, shit, no, the lights are too bright. Where's Patrick?

You feel bile rise in your throat and shove a girl out of the way so you throw up into the club toilet. It tastes like strawberry and tequila and shit. Someone's banging their fist on the stall door begging to piss, and you can hear moaning and skin slapping in the other stall. Fifty-fifty chance it's Patrick. Twenty-eighty chance it's Patrick and Paris.

You flush, wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, and stumble out the stall to the sinks. God, you're a mess. You know you started the night with two hoop earrings, where did the other one go? The couple in the stall are so loud, and you can definitely recognize the sound of Patrick now. Mascara is smudgeding and it's making your eyes irritated and water, but you didn't think to use anything waterproof.

You almost trip over yourself and have a repeat of last time (the time you sprained your ankle at 1OAK and couldn't play properly for three weeks) as you approach the stall, knocking on the door. "Patrick," you gag a little as bile threatens to resurface, "Pat we gotta... gotta go. It's..." you pull your phone from your bra, "Fuck, it's three. Amber's gon' fuckin' killllllllll me." Amber being your coach. You wonder how not-hungover you'll be able to act when you see her in three hours.

It takes a couple more bangs on the door for him to stop. You can hear clothes shuffling, some giggling and whispers, and the zip of his fly before the stall door opens. Paris stumbles out with a giggle, adjusting her skirt before announcing that she's gonna go find Kim, and 'good luck with Amber.'

You're barely standing and conscious, but you're not so out of it to not notice how he looks. White residue on his nostril tells all. "You've got coke?"

Patrick steps out of the stall, eyeing a girl at the sink throwing him dirty looks in the mirror before he looks back to you. "You know what I'm going to say to that, Y/N."

"Come on, just enough to keep me up. I'm gonna crash by four."

"No."

"Patrick."

"No."

You huff, leaning back on the counter and crossing your arms. "Fuck you. Since when did you join the morals police?"

"Since last week."

That's not a pleasant reminder. You want to slap him in that moment, even if it was a perfectly reasonable excuse for his sudden reluctance to feed your craving. You were a nightmare to everyone you knew last week. And the week before. You wonder how far back this could go. "Fuck you."

"Yeah, well." He shrugs, wiping his nose again and checking himself out in the mirror, adjusting his jacket.

TMZ, oh how you loathe them, has pictures of you leaving the club by the time you're meeting Amber on the rooftop court of your residence. She's livid, as she always seems to be. Like someone shoved a lemon in her mouth and no one told her she could just spit it out. "You're late. You've got the Open in four days and you're fucking late. And hungover."

"It's only two hours."

Your voice is tired and croaking, and you haven't slept longer than two since yesterday. Hungover is a generous diagnosis. You're still drunk. Charlie, who was absent from your all-nighter club hopping, makes sure you don't trip over yourself going up the stairs to the roof before leaving your side to lounge on the pool chairs. Someone texted you "Hey girl, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but..." around the time you made it out of bed, but you deleted the text before you saw any more of it. Your mind wanders to that text when you look at him.

"Two hours, my ass. Christ, I should quit."

Amber threatens leaving you as much as you promise it won't happen again. Like 'yes', 'no', and 'You do this one more time and so help me God I will make sure you can never find a coach again,' are all the basis of her vocabulary. You play and pay too well for her to ever commit to those threats.

Practice goes on until your bones ache and cry for a break. Charlie's fallen asleep with a magazine tucked under his chin. Amber leaves for the poolside cabana and calls her girlfriend while you just lay on the ground, staring at the clouds. The adrenaline starts to wear off, meaning you feel like shit. Your mouth is incredibly dry, the sun is blinding. It's like your body remembered that you're meant to be hungover and is only now catching up. At least it's after practice. Not that you did all that well. You can hear Amber argue with her girlfriend over the phone and it only makes you feel worse about being such a horrible player by showing up late and half-shitfaced. You knew they were going through a rough patch. Least you could do is make her job easier.

Closing your eyes is only temporary relief. You can still hear the cars from the streets below and Amber whisper-yell into the receiver. "I told you already... Wednesday's no good, no... well then tell them to reschedule... Rebecca, it's not like you didn't know what kind of schedule I've got when we started dating..."

It feels like your legs are going to snap when you roll over, hands planted on the hard court ground and you silently beg your muscles to push you up. You're dizzy, the doubled, now tripled vision bringing back the bile from last night/this morning to the base of your throat, but you swallow it down. Over your shoulder, you look at the pool, the sunlight bouncing from the cold water. Amber's on the other side of it, brows furrowed. She sees you watching her and turns around, back facing you.

She turns back around when she hears a splash. You fell face-first into the pool. On purpose. The cool water feels amazing, the sting from hitting the water nothing compared to the ache in your bones that has been there since childhood. You open your eyes, watching your hair billow around you like smoke, the way the sun glimmers on the surface like sparkles, the shadow peering over the ledge. "Oh, god. I'll call you later, Becca. I love you."

When was the last time Charlie said he loved you?

It's so quiet under the water. You wish the bubbles that escape your lips and float above you would carry out everything you hold in your chest. Then you could float like they do.

Like all moments of perfect peace, it doesn't last long. Babies must leave the safety of their mother's womb. People wake up every morning despite wishing to stay in bed and fall back into nothing. Amber reaches into the water and grabs your arm to tug you out and you feel like you could cry. The first wail, the sign of life. Opening your eyes to the sun leaking through blinds, signaling to you it's morning.

Is death truly the only time we have? When you ask Amber, she just frowns and tells you to stop drinking as she dries your hair with a towel.

"Come on, Y/N. Put your back into it!"

The ball barely makes it over the net, bounce, bounce, bouncing down the other side of the court. The racket is heavy in your small hands, but he won't let you put it down yet. "Dad, I can't." You whine.

"What did I say about can'ts?"

You should bite your tongue. Can't's for quitters. "Maybe I am a quitter!"

He stomps across the court, grabbing the collar of your little tennis whites. Despite the action, there's no violence behind it. "No daughter of mine is a quitter."

His voice is low, like he's whispering a secret to you. "You can."

Your collar is let go and your father stands straight. "And you will. Now, do it again like Ronald taught you."

It's Renaud. Grabbing another ball from the basket behind you, you try again. And again. And again. By the time you're done, your arms are sore for days to come and you've got blisters on your feet. He makes you drop out of your preschool Mother's Day dance to practice with Renaud instead. You had the dance down pat, practicing it for weeks.

You only ever started playing because he wanted you to. Maybe five-year-old you should've held your ground more.

Tashi bit the inner skin of her lips, her mother talking casually into her ear through the phone. "And Nathalie, well, you know how she felt about it all. Cried the whole way home."

"Is she alright? Well, clearly not, but..." She zips up the final suitcase on her bed, taking a breath. They were flying out tomorrow, the Open being the day after.

Her mother sighs, nodding her head even though her daughter can't see. "She will be, in time. First heartbreak's going to be pretty tough, poor girl."

A knock on her dorm door pulls Tashi's attention from the call. Looking up, she sees Art peeking in. She holds her finger up, asking him to wait. "Well, let Beetle know that she can call or text me about it anytime. She forgets to check my texts."

"You forget to call."

Tashi huffs. Her mother's right, of course. It's not on purpose, it's just she's constantly go, go, going, her phone often goes forgotten. "Still. I'll pick up whenever she wants me."

Her eyes trail a bird outside her window. It hops across the little ledge, pecking at something on the brick. She wished she had wings. Tashi would just up and fly to her family right now. It's been two months since she last hugged her sisters. Did they forget how she felt? Sometimes, when she can't sleep, Tashi thinks about when they were just little soft fleshy things in bassinets, waking her up at night as they cried in her parent's bedroom. Now, Nathalie was going through her first breakup and Renee was going through some rebellious phase back home.

"You've got your hotel booked for tomorrow?" Tashi asks after a moment, biting her lip again. She can't help it, her worries jump from one subject to another.

"Yes, Tash. I love you, we all love you. We're booked, we're packed, we're ready. I've gotta go finish dinner, have you eaten?"

Tashi hums a response, smiling to herself. "I miss your cooking, mom."

"I miss you. Now, get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow."

When the call ends, Art steps in fully. "Everything with Nat alright?"

She frowns in response, shaking her head and sitting at the edge of the small single in her dorm. The old mattress creaks under her, the weight of dozens like her over the years taking its toll on the springs. "Brodie and her broke up last night at some party. Nat's taking it kinda hard."

He frowns with her and sighs. "I do not miss high school..."

"What'd you come in here for?" Tashi asks after a moment, turning to face him better. She tucks a leg under the other thigh, and Art's eyes catch on the flexing muscle under the warm toffee skin for a moment. Blinking hard, he sits beside her, grabbing one of her pillows to play with. It's a nervous habit of Art's. "It's about her."

When Seline sees the news, she doesn't call. Just sends a text asking if you're alright. Jonah does call, but you don't pick up. You know if you do it'll be like pouring your feelings to a brick wall. And then, when you're done, the brick wall will recite some line from his therapist and ask you for your new dealer's number, and that will be that. Your mother has stopped trying all-together.

Tashi feels a strange sense of pity when Art shows her the headlines, an emotion she doesn't associate with you.

Charlie, mid-grind at the club, decided he no longer liked playing your boyfriend. He forgot to relay that information to you, though. Honest mistake, he assumed you'd gather that when he turned around and stuck his tongue down another girl's throat. Oh, you should've seen the look on your face.

All those unrequited 'I love you's coming back to hit you in the face in a single moment. You had even tossed one on the way here. One that he let hit his turned shoulder and slide off the curve of it like bird shit. Now, here you were, frozen on the dance floor as you watched your boyfriend of a year make it painfully clear how much it all meant to him. Charlie Maddox was known for his looks, never his brain or heart. You tried so desperately to make up for it. You'd rip the beating muscle in your chest out for him and for what?

You've never been good at holding in your emotions. You were the 'wear your heart on your sleeve' kind of gal, much to your dismay. Meaning, you slapped him in the middle of the crowd, screaming something about love and his small dick (it was average), and stormed out of the club only to be met with dozens of paparazzi who were always there waiting for someone to leave. Patrick was just getting another drink at the bar when you left, missing the whole thing. You barely made it five steps out the door, tears streaming down your face, ankles twisting with every step, before taking a detour and puking in the alley behind a dumpster. Pictures were taken of every moment. One guy even ran up and took a picture of the puddle.

Sure he wasn't the best boyfriend, and it was a long time coming, but you weren't exactly in the mental state for such a sudden change in relationship status. You flew to France tomorrow. Amber said no distractions. Here Charlie was, throwing a wrench in everything with his stupid model face and his stupid model lips and his stupid model ego. You think you would've married him if he asked. Have his stupid model babies. Not like he ever would want that with you. How pathetic are you?

You're a hiccuping, sobbing mess. Why'd you take the train here? That club was hardly worth the trip.

It's embarrassing to be sitting on the subway seats, slumped down as you stare at the floor. Not because of your status or who you are, but because... well, just look at the state of you. Your hair is a mess from partying for hours on end, you ripped your heels off your feet the moment you sat down (and they've already been stolen), mascara is running down your cheeks and frankly, you haven't stopped crying. You try to cover your face when you see camera phones curiously life up, some obvious and some not so obvious. The guy next to you gives you the side eye, squinting like he's trying to tell if he recognizes you.

You just want to curl up and die. That girl, the one Charlie practically impregnated through a kiss with his tongue so far down her throat he could probably taste her lunch, looked like Mila Kunis. It wasn't, of course, but she looked like her. Why didn't you look like her? Maybe then he'd stay. He'd try and taste your lunch. Or maybe it wasn't looks. Something that you felt like you had even less control over. You cry a little harder.

If your dad was here he'd have something to say. He'd have some schpiel about life and relationships that you probably wouldn't want to hear anyway, but at least you'd be hearing him. You'd take just about anything. Your phone rings with Patrick's number and you don't pick up. The guy next to you snaps a picture. You wonder if your dealer has anything available. Amber's going to murder you in cold blood. You'd welcome it just about now. The P.A. announces the next stop, and it's not yours, and it would be an hour of walking barefoot across New York to get to your place, but you leave the subway anyway when it comes to a stop. Because that guy kind of stank, and a kid was crying too loudly, and you could hear someone calling someone else to talk about who they just saw on the train, and you just wanted to go home.

The walk was miserable. Your feet hurt and you had to put too much attention for your liking on where you were stepping so you wouldn't get some uncurable disease from the sidewalk. Less people noticed you on the streets, but someone had clearly let the press know what train you were on and they knew if you'd left by foot, they could probably catch up. They did. Now, they had pictures of you crying leaving the club, crying on the New York City subway, and crying walking home. Fantastic. By now you were known more for your tears than your tennis. You'd hail a cab but it was rush hour, and there's no point in even trying then.

You knew it was a fruitless effort asking for them to stop taking picture of you, but you tried anyway. All requests were drowned out by the snapping clicks of the cameras. You were still drunk, and the flashes made your eyes burn and head spin. Your name was being called all around you.

"Need a ride home?" "What happened with Charlie?" "Any news you can share about your sister's latest project?" "Chin up, darling, I can't get your face." "Excited for your match with Tashi Duncan, Y/N?" "Hey, you need some shoes?"

You look over to the guy who just offered you shoes, stopping in your miserable and painful tracks. He's at least wearing socks when he pulls his sneakers off. They're a size or so too big, like clown shoes, but they get the job done. You thank him, and then go back to keeping your head down as you walk. You can already see the headlines.

Your head was spinning so much you didn't know if you could play. You're on the stationary bike to warm up, an hour or so until your match. An hour or so until you face her. You already spent last night with Amber on the practice courts, getting re-used to how the clay changes the speed of the ball, perfecting your strikes as best you can. She offered to take you again, but you were too nauseous to go. That seems to be a constant for you.

Patrick's back in New York. He's got his own tennis career to take care of, but he's sending you texts here and there. Words of encouragement.

"picture her naked or smething"

"actually no dont do that. that wouldnt even work for me"

"make chuck realize what hes missing by winning"

"i just took the fattest shit!!!! oooooh I wanna send you the pic soooo bad. thatll take ur mind off of it"

You had to block his number for a good fifteen minutes just in case. It wouldn't have been the first time he'd done that. That did almost get a laugh out of you if you weren't still so nervous.

Someone was watching on the small TV in the corner of the room, you think it was Rebecca. They're saying it's going to rain tomorrow, but that's all you can understand. So much for those French classes you took for five years straight. You tried to focus on the blurring syllables you once knew as you cycled.

Seline sends you a bouquet of good-luck flowers, but she forgets you're allergic. Jonah forgot altogether that the Open was today, and you don't have it in you to remind your little brother. He's on tour anyway, what could he really do?

Tashi's pacing the practice courts with her coach, Art in the corner talking with her mom as they half-watch her. She's stressed out of her mind. She played and won the Australian Open earlier last year. To win this would already take her halfway to a career Grand Slam. Tashi needed this. To have anyone like you get in the way of that would be unacceptable.

Her coach is doing his best to assure her she'll win. Forget last time, this was it.

"I mean, have you seen her lately?" He said with a scoffed laugh. "Nobody wins an Open like that."

You have. You won the Australian Open, too, a few years ago at 16, and you were equally off the rocks back then. It didn't do much to quell her nerves. "You've put in the work, Tash. You've been training for years, harder than she could ever imagine doing. It's in the bag. All you need to be worrying about is where you're gonna put your Suzanne Lenglin cup."

"It's only the first round. Once you get through the initial nerves, the rest will go by like nothing."

"Right." You said with no real believability. Amber was leaning over the front of the stationary bike and you slowed down your cycling, nearing the end of the warm-up. "Except it's not just the first round."

It's Tashi. It's Charlie. It's Seline, and Jonah, and your mom. It's the first major tournament you've played since...

Since him.

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

Amber could hear all of it just by looking at you, and she had nothing left to offer but a pitying sigh and a pat on your shoulder. Even Patrick, now unblocked again, had nothing left to offer through the phone.

Nathalie is crying on the couch and Renee is doing her best to console her twin when Tashi returns to the player room, their mother and Art following behind. She starts doing stretches in the middle of the room as she addresses her weeping sister. "Beetle, he isn't worth your tears. You know that."

Tashi's mother wraps warm arms around her twins. "Baby, heartbreak heals. You're left only with the unconditional love you hold for yourself. Let it out."

It was her mantra. Words she'd repeat after all three of the sister's occasional breakups. Time heals all wounds.

Tired legs climb off the bike. You overdid it, and Amber silently panics that the overexertion will affect your playing. The couch facing the door connected to the player's tunnel is plush enough. Thoughts trail off to your family, all of which aren't here to watch you play.

Your mother was in France, too. You asked her to come but she was busy meeting with vendors for her new restaurant. Seline was on set for some blockbuster horror film back home. Jonah, well... maybe you should text him a quick 'hey, just letting you know im about to play one of the biggest tournaments a tennis player can, against the scariest woman I know. wish me luck!' But you don't. And your father. Oh, your father. He might've been the only one out of all of them willing to show up.

That doesn't matter now, though. He won't.

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

He won't.

Breathing gets a little harder to do, even though you're sitting.

He won't, he won't, he won't, he can't.

The words are falling out of your mouth now like sand seeping through the cracks in fingers. "He's not here. My dad's not here."

Your wild eyes look up to Amber, whose head whips to you. Her heart drops. Rebecca stops watching the TV. You've been here before.

"Amber, he's not here. He's not here. I can't play, he's not--"

A knock on the door, your name being called by two voices. One tells you to breathe, the other tells you that "they're ready for you."

You can only assume what comes from who as tears blur in your waterline. Thump, thump, thump, thump.

He's not here. The one person in your life that always would be. The one person who promised not to leave.

Tashi threw up after she played you and lost. Tashi Duncan lost.

Stanford Vs. NYU. She should've had it in the bag. It should've been nothing.

Top players lost all the time. It's a fact. Human error, lucky streak for the opponent, off-days. Not for Tashi. Losing to you was a slap in the face. It shook her confidence in herself so bad she didn't know how she'd recover. It was only when she played and won the Australian Open later that year, with you nowhere to be seen, that she got it back.

She spent a weekend learning everything she could about you. A weak moment in her own eyes, but she had to know more about the person who made her crumble. It wasn't hard to do-- researching you. You were in the press constantly, along with the rest of your family.

Your DUI and countless failed relationships, your sister getting thrown out of galas for fighting with other actresses, your brother sleeping with groupies and their tall tales about the ordeal, your mother's countless failed business ventures post-modeling career, and your father. Life and death.

Tashi had found an old interview of yours, done right after your own Australian Open win at 16. You mentioned how he's responsible for it all, pushing you to play since as long as you could remember. How despite his crazy career as one of the big producers in Hollywood, he'd still make time in his schedule to be there for all your games. He was your biggest critic and biggest fan, you said. That you didn't know where you'd be without him in any sense of the word.

When she checked the date of the interview, her heart stopped for a moment. A week before his accident. She even remembers seeing it on the news. How Tashi looked over to her dad as he folded laundry on the couch, watching it with her. "Hollywood producer found dead in major collision in L.A. A break malfunction is the suspected cause."

Maybe that moment, reading that interview on her bed with her father knocking on the door to offer tea, was the first time she saw you more than a mess. More as a hurt, teenage girl. Maybe she forgot it all, though, looking at you now.

You couldn't sit in a car for three months without having a panic attack after it happened. The mere mention of them could even make you spiral. It was after the funeral that you started your infamous 'spiral down the drain'. There was so much paparazzi outside the cemetery gates.

It's the only reason you didn't try to compete in any of the Grand Slam tournaments after winning the Australian at 16. Every time you picked up a racket for the next four years, you heard his nagging voice in your head.

"Come on. Not good enough. Put your goddamn all into it!"

"You're not getting a Grand Slam with this attitude. Do it again."

It was too much to do anything bigger than challengers or school tournaments. Every single one left you teary-eyed in the locker rooms before and after. Amber suggested a therapist several times, but nothing came of it.

You can still see the look of pride on his face after you won the Open. Every time you close your fucking eyes, he's there. Such a rare treat to see him smile, and you did it.

You thought you'd be ready now. You told Amber you're ready. It's been four years, damn it. You're supposed to be over it. What happened to time heals all wounds?

All this time, you thought you were scared of seeing Tashi again after beating her in '06. It's only now, the crowd in your ears as your name is announced, that you realize how wrong you were. He's still there, in the back of your heart. Oh, how that bit of flesh has been carved out over the years of your brief life. How it still beats, after all the shit you've put it through, only to make him proud. Could you ever make him proud again?

The only thing you could hear was your heartbeat. Thump, thump, thump, thump.

A tennis ball soars over the polyethylene net in a perfect arch. Long-loved Chanel tennis sneakers skid across the clay ground, arm slicing through the tension and humidity in the air. Thwack! The ball is launched back to Tashi Duncan. "Come on. Not good enough."

Then, the hitch of your breath; a sharp intake like more air in your lungs would be the thing to save you.

Sweat drips from your brow to your cheekbone, sliding down like a tear. From the back of your neck down your spine like a chill. Even from this distance, you can see the drops slide down her temples and the slope of her chin. Another crack emanates from her racket. You brace for impact. You see your father behind the net.

The court ground under your feet scraping. The sound of skin ripping open in thousands of tiny cuts, the cccccrrrrrrrrack! of bone. Bone. The gasps of the crowd. The crack of bone. Thump, thump, thump, thump.

Then, the only thing anyone can hear is the shriek of your cry.

Next Last

[ozzgin]

wtf HOW WAS ROMULUS OZZIE Hello??????? I CANT WAIT TO WATCH ITRTR i miss david 8 tho 😓😓 “you finger and i blow” ok gorgeous whatever you say

Ok ok, I let it sit overnight so I could formulate a less feral opinion. I'll do my best to be objective, though you should keep in mind that I'm very biased when it comes to the Alien franchise.

Alien: Romulus First Impressions

Plot. The movie takes place between Alien (1979) and Aliens (1986). If you've seen the old Alien movies, you will notice it follows the same formula: somewhat slow beginning, a grand reveal, a lot of high-stake escape attempts, shady android behavior, and the classic, speedy succession of plot twists where you think you're safe, only to be surprised the very next moment.

While this movie is meant to behave more like the pre-2000 releases, it does bring some novel elements, which, in my opinion, helped build its own authenticity. Additionally - and without spoiling you - it will involve its own Xenomorph variation. Fantastic idea, and I cannot believe it hasn't been done earlier.

The cast is a group of orphaned youngsters who want to escape their space mining colony. You're introduced to a dystopian, grimy world of overworked humans who've never seen the light of the sun. The main character, Rain, is accompanied by her "brother", Andy, an android programmed to take care of her after the death of her parents. Here's another aspect I enjoyed: an anxious, imperfect android who seems to display an emotional bond with his human.

Rain's friends discover a shipwreck which may contain enough sleeping pods to take them away from these unbearable conditions. Their plan is to sneak in, take the pods, and speed away to a more humane station while in cryosleep. The twist? It's not just any regular ship. They have stepped into the Romulus and Remus research station, operated by Weyland-Yutani, and haunted by yet another failed attempt to contain the Xenomorph horrors.

Characters. Let me tell you, this was a breath of fresh air. Prometheus and Covenant have left me rather skeptical when it comes to a competent cast, yet from the ashes of pathetic military personnel rose a bunch of kids who are built for survival. Rain reminded me so much of Ripley - extremely intelligent, efficient, and strong. Her friends are equally brave in the face of disaster. This was a 10/10 cast, and I'm so glad they finally found the balance between being terrified and still navigating the situation without catastrophic mistakes.

Visuals. The imagery was an absolute treat. They seamlessly combined modern special effects with throwback, retro detailing. The futuristic equipment and locations reminded me a lot of Alien: Isolation. Upon further research, it seems that the director was indeed inspired by the game! It made everything so nostalgic and immersive. The Xenomorph design was flawless as usual, involving a lot of body horror.

Audio. I am desperately waiting for the album to be released on Spotify, because the soundtracks were amazing. The music was composed by Benjamin Wallfisch, who seems to have rather big movie titles under his belt, such as It, and It: Chapter Two. Safe to say this man knows how to instil terror in you. They made sure to incorporate some of the classic pieces, then expanded on that. The alert beats reminded me of Covenant, while other tracks provided their own take on the story. The intro of the movie is aided by dissonant chanting in the background, hinting at the ancient, religious imagery used for the Xenomorphs.

Conclusion. Overall, I'd say this is a must-watch for any Alien fan. It is a tribute to the classic movies, but it still offers a brand-new take to the Alien Universe. The movie had some moments of complete silence - staying true to the "In space, no one can hear you scream" quote - and everyone in the cinema held their breaths. It will keep you on your toes.

[rainstormfrost]

Sometimes I think... What if Willow was not a canon character? What if she appeared only in some fanfic on AO3, how people would feel about her?

I mean, she has pattern of standard Mary Sue from some fan fiction. Lemme explain.

Firstly, she is strong. Even stronger than Emperor's Coven scouts, who've been, I'm reminding, harshly trained for years and have a lot of experience. But Willow just beats them like it's nothing for her.

Meanwhile, there is no clear reason for her to be so strong. All creator says is «she is talented and trains a lot», but... Willow has started training after the Grugby episode from season 1. That means she's been training only for two or one month. I'm not an expert but I think you can't get so much strength by that little time.

Well, okay, we can assume that Willow started doing Flyer Derby specifically after the Grugby episode. Maybe she was training even before that, but... It's still a shitty argument. I have some friends who've been training for many years and I can say they can't defeat a trained soldier. After all, a soldier knows special techniques and special fight skills. Scouts in EC can use any kind of magic, so they MUST learn every of nine tracks magic. So, how do you think, can a schoolgirl-plant-witch defeat a trained soldier with an experience.

Secondly, Hunter's character after meeting Willow. Hunter was positioned (before «Any sports in a storm��) as a goofy, strong, confident person, but then we know him as a traumatized, apathetic and lost character who needs someone to help him to get out from toxic influence of his «uncle».

But what he's becomed after meeting Willow? He became a poor little boy who needs hugs and comfort 🥺🥺🥺. After joining the Hexsquad Hunter lost most of his power, he sometimes becomes a damsel in distress so Willow can save her little meow meow.

Please, separate a traumatize character who needs help and spirit mentor from a poor little thing who need comfort. Hunter is not the first thing. He is the second.

I know, this is kinda not Willow's problem as a character, but just imagine if all episodes after ASIAS were just a fanfic. How would you feel if a strong and mean character (Hunter) became a weakling who needs help from his girlboss?

Thirdly, cliche. I don't think Willow's story is bad, but I must admit it's kinda unoriginal. She has a standard Y/N storyline. «Poor girl was bullied, but then she discovered her true power and became stronger than her bullies». Where have we seen that? Well, practically in every fanfic.

What do we have in result?

Willow is somehow stronger that trained soldiers.

A strong and complex character became a total mess and crybaby because of interactions with her.

She has a quiet standard backstory.

I'm pretty sure: if Park was a fan character she would've been hated by everyone. We would've seen a lot of angry posts about little girls spoiling canon character's personality for their own fantasies.

But why the canon character with such traits is considered as something good?

UPD: It gets more sad for me, because I read fanfics and have my own TOH fan characters. I saw a lot of good, fleshed out and deep OC, but they was branded as Mary Sues because they was smart and powerful. Must specify, but all, these powers were explained, so characters wasn't skilled out of nowhere. I'm trying to make my own characters as realistic as I can. I paranoidly make a lot of flaws to my OCs so they can't become Sues. But then I see canon TOH characters and think: does it worth it? Why am I trying if I know that all of the canons are overpowered without any explanation?

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

How would you envision Elrond and Elwing's reunion in Valinor 🥺? I can already imagine they would hug for a lonnngggg time to make up for the years of being forcefully separated from each other. Also, Elrond would be ecstatic to know that Celebrian and Elwing (in my head, lol) have bonded and become close to each other.

yesssss i too believe they would hug and cry for a very long time, like they'd just fall into each other's arms <3<3<3 and elrond can finally break down embraced by his mother the way he never had the chance to for literal thousands of years. a tangent, but i don't think elrond ever felt comfortable showing such extreme, uncontrollable vulnerability in front of others -- having been kidnapped as a child by the people who murdered most of his community and as good as forced his mother to suicide, he pretty much came to hide anything that could be perceived as "weakness" for fear of how maedhros and maglor would react to it. and even though he does grow more emotionally healthy once he finds people with whom he can truly have a good relationship, he still finds it difficult to so entirely let down his guard around people. but with elwing -- it's like he's a child again. as soon as he sees his mother's face, the exact same face that he remembers from his memories and his dreams, the exact same face he associates with strength and love and bravery ever since he was young -- everything all comes rushing out. it's like all the tears of pain and fear at her being taken from him are finally flowing after being reined in for millennia.

i can't imagine how utterly cathartic their reunion, at long last, would be to both of them. they wouldn't let go of each other for a while, that's for sure, and they would probably spend hours and hours and hours learning everything they can about each other. i doubt they'd be willing to be apart for at least several days after that. they are going EVERYWHERE together for the next month. joined at the hip. elwing at some point introduces him to all her friends and kin that she's met and connected with since she came to valinor, and elrond finds a litany of relatives who are delighted and proud and awed. lots of teleri especially are so heartened, particularly the ones who knew thingol from before they came west. that's the great-great-grandson of their king's beloved brother. and speaking of thingol -- elwing has already grown close to him since she came to valinor, she and elrond go to visit him together, and thingol cries once again and adopts yet another descendant. tbh he adopts every single descendant of his that sails west. spoils them rotten like they're children even though they're all grown adults who've seen some shit. what do you mean he can't shower them in every single gift that catches his eye or comes to mind. they're his descendants, he can do what he wants!! he will coddle them, and elrond is by no means an exception.

it's also my hc that elwing and celebrian meet when celebrian arrives in valinor! celebrian tells her mother-in-law all about elrond and all about elladan, elrohir, and arwen. elwing adores her daughter-in-law and celebrian is one of the few people who she'll regularly hang out with. they visit each other and everything, elwing is there with her when celebrian meets her telerin relatives (who already all know and love elwing). suffice to say you're right, elrond is absolutely delighted to learn how close his mother and wife have become. they all spend heaps of time with each other -- with earendil, too, when he comes home. it won't take away the injustice of elwing losing so much of her son's life, and elrond losing his mother at such a young age -- but it's good. at last they're the family they couldn't be long ago, and they're all very very happy together

[tagring]

i usually avoid fandoms for modern, squeaky-clean new things because i'm never sure what kind of characters i'm going to find. and now, i kind of wish i'd waited out until mouthwashing stopped being as popular as it is in favor of not being forced to read the most vile, repugnant misogynistic drivel i've had to listen to in years.

and as a preface - i'm not a fandom moralist. i believe you can make whatever kind of fanworks you want. but there is a difference as wide and far as the sea between "this is my ship that's fucked up, and i think that's hot while being aware that it's fucked up" and "actually i only engage with men because uh women are boring."

there's so many places i could start with but i'm going to bring up the elephant(s) in the room first: jimmy and captain curly.

honestly? i've seen people handle jimmy in a fastastic way. mouthwashing shook me to my core by presenting me with a protagonist who was every last moment as capable of pretending to be a good person - to the point of even deluding himself that what he's doing is right (i'm going to fix it. we're going to make it.) as the men who've passed through my life were. and i feel the average person is respectful of that, while preserving his humanity.

however, there's a very loud minority that simply refuses to acknowledge his existence, despite his status as the protagonist, the one who kickstarts the plot and vehemently dominates it. are you afraid of acknowledging him? of acknowledging men like him exist? that you can pass by them in gas stations, that they can be your friends, work colleagues? why do so many people talk about 'what he did to anya', completely avoiding the word 'rape'? you can say it, you know. here, i'll do it right now - rape, rape rape rape. jimmy raped anya.

and now, here's the hornet's nest - curly. i've heard so much about curly. being mad at his enabling of his friend is ableist because he 'paid for it' by becoming disabled (excuse me?), criticizing a disabled person - for something he did before he was ever disabled - is bad, actually (do you hear yourself right now?). people are 'watering down' the meaning of enabler actually, because it's unreasonable to expect someone to protect a victim when they're friends with the rapist. [to the same intonation as pepe silvia] can we talk about curly, charlie, i've been DYING to talk about curly.

people have kneejerk defensive reactions to curly because they don't want to think of themselves as enablers. because they view non-action as acceptable. you know who also did? my family, when my father took advantage of me! you know what that makes them? enablers. that doesn't make them sub-human, no, but i'm allowed to be upset at them for that. unforgivable but not irredeemable.

"anya's already been raped, what could curly have done?" anything. gave her a safe place to stay, stayed with her, kept an eye out. you're all very creative, i'm sure you can think of any number of things. anything. like he promised her, and then proceeded to do nothing. (if swansea could keep utility under lockdown for an extended period of time, why couldn't anyone have done anything? is it too hard to look out for your only female colleague?) rapists don't just do it once, you know. if you think she's unworthy of protection or support because she's already 'spoiled goods', you're part of the problem. if you see yourself in curly, and you see yourself in this? i hope it hurts. i hope it hurts, hurts, hurts.

these things are worth thinking about. if you don't want to think about the main driving force of this entire game - a game made about how men in positions of power will utilize their chokehold on people to get what they want and create environments that allow men working under them to turn a blind eye to rampant misogyny and inter-worker abuse, that was, from the devs' mouth, 'aimed at certain people in the games industry' - you can simply go somewhere else. you can play other games, and make content for them.

[glitchlover53]

Hi, I'm currently in the middle of watching z nation and wanted to be friends because I need more friends who've seen the show

( You can answer the questions if you want. Also, no spoilers. I'm only on season 4)

1. Who are your favorite characters

2. Your favorite episodes

3. Least favorite character

4. Least favorite season

5. Your favorite ship

6. Your least favorite ship

( sorry for bothering you I didn't know many people liked the show still)

Hello new friend!

I love znation so much that I got a tattoo of it. I have a picture posted somewhere on my page. I haven’t watched z nation in a while like since it aired, so I might just start watching again. I don’t remember many details but I own the first 3 seasons on dvd.

For your question, sorry for slightly spoiling:

1, it has to be Doc or 10k.

2, I can’t remember which season it was, but the episodes with pie girl and her pregnancy.

3, my least favorite character is found in season 5. I can’t remember her name.

4, I love all the seasons, but if I had to choose it would be season 4.

5, definitely Murphy and Warren.

6, 10 K and Sarge (I think we meet her in season 4). It felt forced because the actors were dating at the time. 

Thanks for sharing!

[thewadapan]

Irony vs Sincerity in Fight Club

Born too late to fight in the Vietnam War. Born too early to grow up after 9/11. This film is basically just about that guy.

Fight Club, alongside similarly green-tinted 1999 icon The Matrix and American Beauty, is identified by Bavitz as a "cubicle movie"—much like his novel Cockatiel x Chameleon—which depicts a world at the "end of history" where man is left purposeless. To these titles I'd add 1993's Falling Down, American Psycho, and maybe Being John Malkovic; to my understanding, these all seem to be operating in a similar space to varying degrees of success. Of these, The Matrix strikes me as being the most timeless, as its metaphysical themes and sci-fi concepts help unground it from this specific point in history.

Throw yourself through the glass table of that "Keep reading" button below to see what I thought of the film!

The biggest surprise of Fight Club for me was the sheer extent of its stylisation. It's full of heavily metatextual beats, counterfactual imaginary sequences, cutaways, dry novelesque narration (not too surprising for an adaptation of a story like this), and a borderline magical-realist tone. Stylistically, it feels much more modern than it actually is, and I can only assume (as someone who's seen comparatively little pre-2000s media) that this is because of the influence this has had on a lot of newer stuff. I'm now much better able to understand why people rolled their eyes at the general reception to Joker, which is kind of just the same thing but worse. I'm also floored by the extent of the plagiarism committed by the much-lauded Mr. Robot; it was while reading about that show (having given up on actually watching the damn thing) that I unfortunately completely spoiled myself on the big twist in Fight Club.

(Spoilers follow.)

So knowing in advance that the twist in Fight Club was that [secondary character] and [main character] are actually the same person, I was primed to look out for anyone who appeared to be an imaginary friend. And towards the start of the film, I found my figment not in Tyler, but in Marla. Explicitly framed as a female counterpart to our everyman protagonist, Marla is introduced in the implausible context of her dishonestly attending a support group for men who've lost their testicles. The only possible explanation I could think as to why nobody seemed to bat an eyelid at this was simply that Marla wasn't real. She also spends a lot of time standing around in traffic; at one point, a bus appears to go right through her.

But then of course, we're introduced to Tyler, and the narration introduces him using phrasing that deliberately echoes the introduction of Marla. Able to instantly recognise Tyler's bright red jacket from the spliced-in frames of him that would occasionally flicker onscreen before this point, I understood that no, Tyler was definitely the imaginary friend I'd read about. But still the idea lingered: that it was not just Tyler who doesn't exist, but Marla too; where Tyler personifies the masculine ideal, Marla is the embodiment of the feminization believed to have driven the protagonist towards stagnant impotency and dissatisfaction. Tyler and Marla rarely appear in the same scene, and often the direction deliberately creates the impression of one being transmuted into the other; as one leaves the stage, the other enters.

This interpretation has the fun effect of turning the everyman into an incel, rather than the sex god Marla at one point begrudgingly admits him to be. Of course he finds Marla easy to please; these scenes are just an abstraction of him jacking off. This lens is an invention entirely for my own amusement, however. The simplest explanation for Marla's portrayal is that the film is not that there's a second layer of twist bullshit which goes unremarked upon, but rather that the film is carefully establishing a language of hyperstylisation from the outset, so that by the time of Tyler's appearance, the implausible aspects of his character feel like just another part of the film's worldview, rather than signs of foul play. The incel hadn't even been invented back in 1999. I'm compelled by the idea only because of a cultural shift which had yet to occur. Even if it feels like a natural fit for the themes otherwise being explored by the movie, it's not something the filmmakers consciously incorporated into the narrative.

Truth be told, there are many aspects of this film's messaging which feel dated, or at the very least ideologically incomplete. Most obviously, it simply would not have depicted terrorism the same way if it had been written after 9/11. There's a whole idea surrounding this film in the modern zeitgeist that most people misinterpret it, vacillating between viewing it as a fuck-yeah story about some badass redpilled chad, and as a merciless deconstruction of that same archetype. I think this is because the film itself is suffused with irony, making it hard to necessarily extract the intended message; I imagine the filmmakers don't want you coming away from it believing you understand any particular moral of the story.

Nonetheless, I think the film does take a pretty clearly consistent view of humanity, and it is a fairly bleak one. It's strongly critical of consumerism, and it has very strong ideas about masculinity. By the end of the film, we've plunged into this farcical world where every man is a die-hard member of Project Mayhem (there is only one woman in the film, Marla), and I think the film means to suggest that this is the "true" form of man, the "hunter" of "hunter-gatherer society", unbound by fictional constructs such as law or gender. There is a natural hierarchy, and it is one of strength. Most people are happy to believe anything you tell them, even if you don't believe it yourself. Tyler is never really framed as having indoctrinated these people, but rather as having awoken something in then, having preyed upon their true desires. Although Tyler is viewed as monster, he is also presented as broadly achieving noble outcomes through his monstrous actions: it suggests that the clerk he threatens to shoot really will have his life positively changed by the experience, that Bob really was happier at the Fight Club than he ever was at the support group, and that the destruction of the credit card companies' headquarters might really result in some kind of lasting socioeconomic change for the better.

The problem the film identifies with Tyler is less in his beliefs about the prison of American society, and more in his extremism: there is no line he will not cross, nothing he holds sacred. His terrorist acts are framed as the logical endpoint of the childish pranks we see him committing during his introduction, both aiming to transgress the fragile social contract. He wants to burn everything down (good) but has nothing to replace it with (bad); he believes that a face beaten to an unrecognisable bloody pulp is, on some level, the most honest a face can be. If I personally had to identify a thematic throughline in Fight Club, it would probably be this conflict between sincerity (embodied by the everyman, who spends much of the film simply trying to feel a real feeling, and grows increasingly alarmed by Tyler) and irony (embodied by Tyler, who behaves in unpredictable ways just to provoke a response, and is actually an "insincere" element of the everyman's psyche). At the start of the film, our narrator craves the emotional openness of the support groups, because he himself struggles to muster the appropriate emotional response to a burnt-out car wreck full of human body parts. It's only after the death of Bob that he finally feels true grief and outrage. Towards the end of the film, he finds it impossible to communicate with any of the members of Project Mayhem, as his every question is met with answers like "is this a test?" or the parroted phrase "the first rule of-"; they've been primed to give these responses by the fact that it is impossible to have a straightforward conversation with Tyler about anything. The final scene of the film concerns itself with the reconciliation of these viewpoints, as the everyman finally takes personal responsibility for all the actions undertaken by Tyler, and finally appears to "kill" this split persona entirely. To borrow a phrase from the Worm fandom, he seems to do "brain surgery with a bullet", somehow shooting his head at exactly the right angle to destroy the portion of his brain responsible for this delusion, while leaving the rest intact. In practise, it's more that the physical act of shooting himself finally grounds his perspective, as he understands that it was him who wielded the gun, him who pulled the trigger, not this other guy he made up.

The film's final image is of the everyman and Marla backdropped by the spectacle of all these skyscrapers collapsing; visually symbolising the slate being wiped clean, the debts erased. To me, this can only suggest that he and Marla will have a fresh start, and that some form of long-term relationship is finally possible between them. If so, this fairytale ending is pretty rubbish; but perhaps this isn't the film's intention, and I was just missing something.

Regardless of your beliefs on the ideas which Fight Club appears to denigrate or endorse, it's hard to deny that on a technical level, it's a well-crafted masterpiece with a fairly complex story that's unpredictable and entertaining. It's constantly escalating. It's got a fun twist. It's just that the more you talk about it, the more you find yourself talking in circles, struggling to settle on the perfect lens which captures the film in its entirety. So don't talk about Fight Club—just enjoy it.

Rating: 9/10

If you’ve enjoyed this review, you can find dozens of similar essays over on my Letterboxd account.

[majaloveschris]

Ghosted review 👻

I just finished watching Ghosted, so here is my opinion about it. It's important to note that I'm talking about Chris and Ana as actors; I'm here to talk about their performances, so my opinion isn't affected by their personal lives.

I was a little skeptical before I started watching it because we had seen a lot of scenes beforehand, and I thought they spoiled the whole movie, but I was happily surprised. It was great to see how these scenes were built in the movie, and it was interesting to see the context behind them, so all in all, I'm happy we'd gotten to see more scenes before the movie; it kind of made it a more enjoyable experience for me.

I really enjoyed the movie. It was a light, funny rom-com. It didn't make you think about serious things; however, I think not every movie should do that. We all need these lighter films, which make us relax and disengage from problems. However I liked that they did this whole "you're afraid to live; when people you love are in danger, you do whatever it takes" thing; it kind of gave a little seriousness to the movie, implying that we are still talking about two people who've gotten involved in a serious situation and learned from each other.

After all, I liked Cole. He was a bit too much at the very beginning with the texting, and the picture he took was definitely inappropriate, but he clearly cares about and head over heels for Sadie and was trying to help her out multiple times even though he isn't an agent or trained at all.

I also liked Sadie. She is such a badass woman, but she has this romantic, humorous side too.

I liked Chris's acting; his facial expressions were really good. I think he did a really good job with this character, and he seemed to enjoy portraying Cole. I still think he is a good actor, and he should definitely do more movies like this. Ana also did a good job; she is an amazing actress. It was weird to see her in a movie like this because I'm used to seeing her in more dramatic roles, but I think she did a good job.

I wouldn't say they had crazy chemistry. Until they didn't need to kiss or touch each other in a more romantic way, it was there, and it was fine, but to me, they always seemed to be good friends and colleagues, nothing more, and this didn't convince me otherwise. I didn't really see any sexual or romantic energy from them, but I think they did their best. Both can act like they are in love, so there wasn't really a problem with it.

I loved the cameos; it was really great to see them together in something other than Marvel, and they also did a good job; it was a good idea to involve them.

I also really liked the emoji and the on-going cactus thing; I think those were fitting and funny.

All in all, I really enjoyed it. It was a great movie, and I think I will rewatch it. It definitely made me forget about everyday problems, and it's always good to have a movie like this around.

[youremyheaven]

I dont see where the slander on lunar men is coming from. My man is a lunar and he is such a pookie🎀. I am mercury and rahu dominant. He has those madhavan eyes too.😍

that's so cute 🥺 nazar na lage 🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿

and ofc not every person is the same 💖

but in my personal experiences, lunar men have always initially been overly nice simps only to turn around and pull the biggest 180 ever

my friend (Magha Moon) dated a Lunar man (Rohini Moon) who i always got bad vibes from. he was extremely nice to the point it made him seem insincere and fake 🤥 but she didn't see it that way. they were together for 4 years and she suffered extreme emotional abuse , developed an eating disorder and was almost driven to the point of suicide. she was a social butterfly but became completely cut off from others during her relationship and eventually even after ending things, she couldn't even make eye contact with others. she seemed so shell shocked like one of those people who've endured inhumane torture in prison camps. I have no idea about the details of her experiences and I don't want to ask. this man initially spent sooo much money spoiling her, spent all his time talking to her, he picked her up and dropped her off and acted like her chauffeur, bodyguard and father all in one. I've noticed Lunar men creating this dependency and then abusing it.

I'm not saying your man or any other Lunar men any of y'all know can or will turn out to be like this. I am MERELY stating what I've seen and what I know. There are many other instances with many other Lunar men that I can get into. My slander isn't coming from nowhere, believe me.

But that said. Obviously not all Lunar men are going to be jackasses or psychotic since that seems statistically impossible.

[ahmedmootaz]

IT'S OUT! IT'S OUT! IT'S FINALLY OUT! AHAH, FINALLY, IT'S HERE! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Well, at least from this Chapter; I still have a few more write to wrap things up!

But yet, hello, everyone, and welcome back at long, LONG last to Chapter 25 of Adventures in Parenthood! This one has been a long time coming, and those who've seen my last post will now that it spiralled just the tiniest bit out of control, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't close to finishing it! In fact, as you can see by the fact that I even made this post, the Chapter is finally out!

Now, of course, before we continue with this, I'd like to thank my dear, dear friend @arcanedesigns who was so patient with me for taking such a long time to write this while being so supportive. I'd also like to thank each and every commentator who left their comments while awaiting the release of Chapter 25! You know who you are, and I thank you dearly! The same goes to all of my readers who've been so patient for so long. To all of you I say: Many thanks!

So, this Chapter! It's been known for a long time now that I was working on the Epilogues, and I'm very glad with how this one turned out! Admittedly, I may or may not have went a little overboard, so the Archive couldn't accept the full Chapter in one piece. Instead, what I have opted to do is to split this Epilogue into parts I and I.5, the latter will be releasing two weeks from now to allow everyone to digest the first part, discuss it, and then build up just a touch of anticipation for the following Chapter, ehehe. I hope you stay tuned for Chapter 26 coming very soon~!

Despite the difficulties, I quite enjoyed writing this Chapter, if only because it gave me a lot of new perspectives to try and write from, notably Angela, who's always fun to write because she requires a delicate balance; I don't want to overshadow her sins or downplay her suffering at Ayin's hands, so it's a balancing act that I tried to maintain. In addition, exploring her relationship with Ayin in the context of AiP is quite fun, though it's also a difficult to write a good defrosting ice queen with Angela while making sure the pacing with her development isn't too slow or too quick. I'm curious to see what you think of Angela's scenes here!

The same applies to the sections with Gebura and Malkuth. I've tried my best to keep them as close as possible to Canon while also adding some details here and there that make for quite the interesting dynamics with both Ayin and X, although I don't want to spoil the Chapter further here, hehe.

So that's all I have to say for now, at least here; there are more notes within the Chapter itself. As always, I'm always open for feedback, thoughts, criticism and comments, and I would love to hear what you think of the Chapter!

But until next time, keep Facing the Fears, to Create the Future! See ya'!

[redolentgrove]

(@ask-north) Wisteria @ Loki: "Ohhhh woahhh…" The small ghost seemed to stare at Loki in awe, she'd never seen a pokemon quite like them. Her expression quickly shifted into a gleeful smile, "You have purple too!!" She squeaked out excitedly, "You know, My mom was purple!" Wisteria happily swayed trying her best to resist hugging the taur. "Oh! Don't tell her this!! But you're purple is way prettier than hers! I wanna be a pretty purple someday. Maybe when I become a Mismagius I'll be purple like you!" She rambled on before finally pausing.

"I wish I had a mom like you! Maybe you can be part of my family too and then you can be like my mom!" She nodded giddily, Wisteria was getting a bit ahead of herself already trying to add Loki to her family, maybe it was too sudden but she appeared to be insistent on this, determined even. "If you're like my mom does that mean I can have more friends!?!" She gasped, "How many new family members do I get?! Do I get kids to play with??" Children, parents, siblings perhaps the taur had family members to add?

Loki had been playing one of the ticket cyclone games, hitting a jackpot a mere moment before the small ghost began floating over and staring at her with squeaks and glee. She ignored the flowing tickets, listening to the excitable girl ramble and flickering her ears intently. When the youth was finished, Loki's own smile matched Wisteria's glee as she posed proudly in front of her.

"I do have purple!" Loki rumbled, noticing the Misdreavus' wiggling and desires to hug her, before shaking her head and wrapping the ghost in her arms in an affectionate bear hug. "And you're easy to snuggle." She stuck out her tongue happily, leaning down and nuzzling her snout against Wisteria's face with occasional licks and affectionate purrs. "Well, purrple, as it were, anyway." She grinned proudly at that, despite the pun being awful. "Aww… I'm sure your mom was just as beautiful a purple as I am, honey. Maybe she wasn't a taur like I am, but I'm positive she was gorgeous, and you'll evolve into a wonderful Mismagius. Bright, purple, and happy, just like I am… and I'll be proud as can be to see it!"

"What do you mean, you wish you had a mom like me??" Loki mused, gently tapping her fingers over Wisteria's head in a rhythmic motion, petting the ghost and rocking her in her arms. "You don't have to wish for something like that, sweetheart. I'll gladly be your mom if you're really that adamant about it!" She chuckled softly to herself, tail swaying in thought. "Oh, honey, you're going to make friends all over the place… with how bubbly and full of love you are? Absolutely!"

"Let's see… there's my daughter Bijoux who's in college… my girl Celeste who visits from time to time, my half-sister Starla, my brother Bhut, my granddaughter Darya, countless kids I've babysat over the years who've called me Aunt Loki. You're going to be so spoiled you won't know what to do with all the attention you're going to be getting!" She nodded, picking up the collected tickets and sneaking them over to Wisteria's collection. "I love how I come here to celebrate my nephew Lunch's birthday and I'm sitting here leaving with another daughter. It's almost like kids just basically fling themselves into my life and I'm suddenly everyone's mom… and I couldn't ask for anything better."

(( @ask-north ))

[hopeymchope]

Summer Time Rendering

"Summer Time Rendering" is an anime that sounds like it'd be totally up my alley on paper. Like: unusual supernatural antagonists, time-looping heroes, quirky oddball characters, sudden and tragic deaths, etc.? I'm so down!

And the fact is, it WAS totally up my alley! For like... 88% of its run, I was ALL IN. I have very little to say about the first 22 episodes that isn't just GUSHING with love.

But there are 25 episodes, so you can probably predict where that's going. :P Even so... that's just me! And the wrap-up didn't retroactively kill my love of everything that came before, either! So please don't let it deter you from watching this, because it's a hell of a ride.

For now, let me braindump a pile of thoughts:

First off? Yes, the title sucks. It does a terrible job of conveying what this show is gonna be like, but I suppose that probably helps for anyone going in blind.

Our protagonist, Shinpei, left home to study to become a chef about a year ago. Now he's coming back to his island home because a close friend/adoptive sister of his has recently passed away. He returns to find people who've missed him as well as people who kind of resent his leaving in the first place. There's an immediate undercurrent of tension as well as tragedy to the proceedings, and that quickly escalates into a mystery when the facts of his friend's death are called into question. It doesn't take long before the mystery escalates to deadly levels.

The nefarious forces at work on the island are far more powerful than anyone anticipates. I'm trying not to spoil what they are and how they work, because it's just so cool IMO, but.... Shinpei and his network of friends find themselves rapidly dealing with enemies far beyond their understanding — and honestly, learning how they work and how they can fight them is part of the fun. It's fascinating stuff that I'm kind of surprised to have not seen before. The nature of the enemy force leads to a lot of really tense, exciting showdowns where — partly thanks to the "time loop" gimmick — death is a very real possibility for damn near any character.

....but at the same time, those deaths aren't just throwaway. Because this story's time-loop gimmick is also its ticking clock. Our hero can only loop successfully if certain conditions are met, and even then his number of loops is limited. It helps raise the stakes in a manner you don't usually see in these kind of stories.

I think it's safe to say that four characters get the primary focus in the series: Protagonist Shinpei, sisters Mio and Ushio, and novelist Hizuru. These four get the most layers to them — I'd argue that Shinpei, Mio, and Hizuru even get more development than Ushio, who is more of a trope-y character that can be quickly understood. But all of them are likable and distinct, and none of this is to say that side characters such as Sou and Ginjirou don't get moments to shine and display that there's more to them than first meets the eye. Even so, there are definitely some characters who are part of Shinpei's circle of friends who don't receive much development. Testu? Tokiko? Yeah, I'm looking at YOU.

But y'know, I sometimes see people say that they an ending/climax of an anime lost them at the last lap, and I never truly understood that feeling until now. Episode 23 suddenly throws ALL the rules out and takes us into an alternate dimension that was never even hinted at before, which is reached via means ALSO never even hinted at before, and.... this becomes the core element of how the series is resolved in the next two eps. Which feels like a cheat of the HIGHEST ORDER. But I guess they at least explain the new dimension of reality and its rules reasonably well, so there's still some stakes on the line. It's just... hard to commit to caring that much when suddenly all the established logic and rules are out the window with no buildup, y'know?

But you know what? I'll take a semi-nonsensical ass-pull ending over one that betrays the established characters for shock value and bullshit. Ultimately, I still loved this series so much that I went online and IMMEDIATELY read the spinoff/sequel short-story manga because I couldn't get enough of these characters. My heart wasn't stomped upon by this ending! I can still love them and love the series! That's the important message here.

Oh, one more thing: It is SUPER weird how the true nature/origin of the "Haine" character is revealed very casually and just... nobody discusses how this completely upends their understanding of her. It's basically just shrugged off. That was WEIRD.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

My Loneliness is Killin' Me

I must confess I've never actually been a Britney Spears fan, but I'm glad she's out of conservatorship and that's still a catchy tune.

For serious, that line has been stuck lingering in my head for about a week now thinking about where I can still go and what I can still do because of affection starvation. Buckle up if you're gonna read this, because it's probably going to be a long, rambly one. (Again).

I started rewatching Pushing Daisies a couple weeks ago with a dear friend who's never seen it (at a distance...like all of my dear friends except for J, even the ones I grew up with, she's 200+ miles away from me now). I mean, I couldn't let another moment pass without introducing my friend to Ned the Pie Maker (Lee Pace, sans elf costuming, circa 2007-9ish...I mean fucking look at him).

I told her, truthfully, that Ned the Pie Maker is probably the fictional character (other than obviously Egon Spengler) that I've had the biggest romantic-fantasy sort of crush on. I mean it's hardcore. It's worse than George Bailey. It's worse than Dwayne Wayne. It's worse than Chris Stevens from Northern Exposure. Clearly I have a thing for tall, soft-spoken, shy/awkward nerds. And I've watched Pushing Daisies all the way through about 5 times (this is time number 6; and it's short, 2 short seasons for American TV because until he started writing about a serial killer, American TV didn't appreciate Bryan Fuller at all). But I haven't watched it since I turned 35. This is my first watch since I began exploring and trying to understand my own trauma history. This watch is showing me why I like the show and Ned so much (beyond the witty writing and the bright colorful styling and cinematography and the fact that Lee Pace is smoking hot).

Not to spoil the show for people who've never seen it, but it's a romantic comedy with happy, optimistic, hopeful overtones but a really sad, complicated, dark underbelly. Ned has a superpower. He can bring dead things back to life (with obvious, serious caveats and consequences, of course...every superpower has these) by touching them. Once. If he touches them twice, dead forever (there's another rule, but I won't spoil that one because I don't need to in order to get this shit out, in case anyone else wants to give the show a try). Before he knew the rules of the game, he saved his dog, and then his mother, the beings who loved him the most (his dad was distant and kind of a neglectful asshole). But he only gets Mom back for a couple of hours, because she tucks him into bed and kisses him goodnight (second touch...dead forever). He tries to use his gift with compassion and responsibility through a childhood of basically raising himself and being unable to snuggle his own dog. And then, as a man, who just makes pies, he sees that his childhood best friend/first kiss has died. And he touches her once, ostensibly to say goodbye, but he just can't bring himself to touch her again...because he loves her so much. So it's a touchless love story; a love story full of inconvenience and longing; an ABNORMAL love story that required a lot of adaptation and patience.

(not touching ^^^)

And I love that (and I love Ned) because he decided she was WORTH that patience and adaptation. After spending a lifetime being lonely and disconnected, maintaining an important, real connection comes with sort of this 'whatever it takes' attitude. I have that. When I make a connection. And sometimes that's good. When it's reciprocated (like it is with J and A, and like Ned has). And sometimes that leads me to getting used by shitty people. Because they made me believe the connection was real with all this seeming patience and adaptation; validating me, and I believe it because even if it's a lie, I'm lonely and affection starved and I want to believe it.

And so a couple nights ago we watched an episode featuring a main supporting character, Olive. Her parents ignored her as a kid. To the point that they didn't notice she was missing for days. Olive had stowed away with two criminals, who were kind to her and paid attention to her, and she grew to love them over the two days she was away from 'home,' because they genuinely liked her and cared about her. In the show, obviously, the robbers are really the good guys, because they were kind to Olive, but in MY actual life, I've thought of how many truly shitty people I've connected to out of loneliness. I've been having nightmares about the last one I connected to lately. And I've been thinking about how I definitely could and probably will connect to some other shitty person because as awesome as J is (he's actually quite similar to Ned the Pie Maker in many ways...he just can't bake a pie...), I'm still often pretty lonely. J can't be with me all the time. Clearly. It's not his responsibility to rid me of loneliness...even if it were possible for him alone to undo 25 years of drought before we met. I hope the next connection I feel is a Ned (or an Olive or an Emerson or a Chuck), because when I feel it, I'll put my 'whatever it takes' attitude and effort into maintaining it. Even if they're a criminal. Because the criminals in real life rarely have hearts of gold like they do on Pushing Daisies.

[tigger8900]

The Nobodies, by Alanna Schubach

⭐⭐⭐ 1/2

Nina and Jess are the closest of friends, sharing a secret: simply by touching their foreheads together, they can swap their consciousnesses, each inhabiting the other's body until they choose to swap back. After a falling-out in senior year of high school drives them apart, they reconnect in their 20s, quickly beginning to share their adult lives in the same way they had as children. But what are the consequences of two souls intertwining in such a way as to become one indivisible pair?

This is a heartbreaking story about the wonders and horrors of deep friendship. I'm not really sure how much I can say about it without spoiling the plot, only that the relationship between Nina and Jess felt so horribly authentic to me. The instinctive pulling together, the constant blurring of boundaries(should you have them? can you?), the hurt recoil as you go too far again, and again and...it almost hit too close to home. For those of us who've had the experience of being on one side of an ampersand, one half of a pair that can only be considered as a unit, this novel is familiar and the final confrontation inevitable. Neither character is likeable. Both are flawed and behave badly, repeatedly. But none of it is pointless cruelty. Everything comes from a need, whether it's fallout from childhood trauma, a desire to be loved, or even just a misguided attempt to love another. Check content warnings before reading, because this goes to some dark places. I liked the way the story followed two timelines, one when they were 9-17 and another when they were around 25-30. I also appreciated Schubach's exploration of Nina's Jewish culture, while at the same time being disappointed that we didn't get anything of the same for Jess's Mexican culture. I did notice that Nina never experienced any on-page racism while inhabiting Jess's body, only noting that Nina-as-Jess was seen as beautiful and desirable. Maybe the author wasn't comfortable with the subject matter(fair), but it stuck out to me as a notable omission to not acknowledge it being a thing at all, especially given context around the sexualization of latinas. The other thing that bothered me was that I sometimes found myself struggling to follow the narrative when the two were body-swapped. But the fault lies not with the book(it was consistent in using the name corresponding to the consciousness, rather than the physical body), but rather with my own reading attention. I also believe it was deliberate in a way, throwing the reader off-kilter and blurring the line between the two characters. So, read carefully! I can't quite bring myself to give this one four stars. I think this might be a fault on my end rather than the book's, part of the visceral reaction I had to the subject matter. Elevating it from an "it was alright"+ to an "it was good" is a mental step that I just can't take right now. This book makes me need a therapist.

[shadowbends]

I posted 5,560 times in 2022

That's 2,468 more posts than 2021!

21 posts created (0%)

5,539 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@somescribblybits

@dontron-9000

@number5theboy

@camlations

@onaishi

I tagged 5,559 of my posts in 2022

#rottmnt - 1,905 posts

#leonardo - 1,067 posts

#donatello - 990 posts

#umbrella academy - 894 posts

#michelangelo - 851 posts

#i laughed - 818 posts

#raphael - 804 posts

#asdfghjkl - 571 posts

#five - 431 posts

#klaus - 282 posts

Longest Tag: 82 characters

#i’d bet $10 rise!april taught the boys how to do doughnuts in an empty parking lot

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I looked at my notifs, and one of my favorite ROTTMNT fanfic writers visited my blog??? The stars in my eyes you would not believe, screams—

11 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#4

I don’t know if it’s turtles having me feeling nostalgic, but I’ve had such an itch to get involved in fandom lately. I’m not much of an artist, and I don’t feel quite brave enough to try my hand at fic again. Gosh, it has be over twelve years since the last time I wrote, and I’m just too rusty. 

The ROTTMNT fandom is super cute, though. I’m deeply enjoying all the fic and art and other creative fan content that crosses my path, and the fans seem very friendly. 

It makes me want to contribute too, even if it’s just in a small way. In line with that, I’m thinking of putting together a fic rec list? Just not sure how I want to go about doing it yet, I’m tossing around several ideas ranging from a simple list to... something a bit more ambitious. We’ll see how it goes.

Idk, though. It’s so funny to me that once again turtles have me feeling like this. I’ve dabbled here and there in other fandoms, but the only one I was actually ever a part of was the 2k3 TMNT series from back in the day. So it’s just kind of serendipitous that ROTTMNT would be the one to make me feel this way again. 

20 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#3

STUFFED CRUST!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (BETWEEN 5,000 AND 15,000 WORDS)

Hello again, cultured turtle fans! Do you enjoy good fanfic? Hopefully so, because I’m back with more recs! Whether you’re new to the fandom and diving into the ROTTMNT fic scene for the first time, or a veteran looking for content you might have missed, my hope for this project is to point you to something you’ll enjoy!

This rec list is the second of three and focuses on short stories in the fandom, with a length between 5,000 and 15,000 words each. Much like a stuffed crust pizza, they’re the perfect option when you’re feeling for something indulgent, but don’t want to go all out. If you want to browse a little more though, feel free to check out the other lists below!

NEW YORK STYLE, BABY!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (UNDER 5,000 WORDS)

STUFFED CRUST!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (BETWEEN 5,000 AND 15,000 WORDS) — You’re here!

DEEP DISH!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (OVER 15,000 WORDS)

If you enjoy any of these fics, make sure to reblog and spread the love! Don’t forget to check out the other works by these authors; many of them have written multiple wonderful stories not featured here that are just as good. Additionally, consider leaving the authors a comment! I’m not always the best at that myself, but fic writers work hard and deserve all the love in the world.

Now, let’s get to the recs. Bon appétit!

➤ ➤ ➤ PRE-SERIES

The Corner Store by KicsterAsh

12,790 words, 5/5 chapters

Character Focus: Raphael & his brothers, w/ Splinter coming in later

Genre: Fluff, Adventure

“I know what I’m spending my three dollars on,” Raph said. He and Donnie dragged Leo to the machine, which was near the front desk of the store, and sat him down against the wall. “Make sure he doesn’t fall asleep,” Raph said to his other siblings, before rushing to the front desk.

The man, who had been watching them since they dragged Leo into view, looked at the turtle as he ran over. Raph tried ignoring that he noticed this and only looked back once he had reached the counter, where his chin just reached over the top.

“Hello, Mister,” Raph said as politely as he could in his urgency. “How much is a small cup of hot chocolate?”

The man pushed up his glasses and looked at the machine. “It’s two dollars and seventy-five cents after tax,” he said.

“I dunno what tax is, but here.” Raph slapped three dollars down on the counter and then pointed at the machine. “Can you show me how to pour one, please? I’ve never done it before.”

I have such a soft spot for this fic; it was one of the first I ever read for the fandom, and it has the perfect blend of adorable turtle tot hijinks with just enough risk involved to make you concerned and keep the story gripping. To summarize the premise: Splinter lets the boys play topside in the snow while he scavenges for food and supplies, but is gone longer than anticipated. As the hours pass and the temperature drops, a young Raphael decides to break the rules and seek out human shelter to keep his brothers from freezing. All of the turtles’ budding personalities shine through in this story, but good older brother Raph is especially a treat here.

Lost and Found (Family) by ashtreelane

7,007 words, 2/2 chapters

Character Focus: April & Michelangelo, April & The Family

Genre: Fluff, Adventure

"Wow!" April says, her eyes wide with fascination. "Are you some sort of…turtle alien?"

"Yeah! Well- not the alien part, but I am a turtle!“

"So how can you talk?" April asks, leaning in to peek into Mikey's head hole. Her voice echoes slightly in the shell.

"Cause I'm not allllll turtle, duh!" Mikey says, smiling. "Our dad doesn't really like to talk about it, but he says that we’re the product of parental love and ‘unholy sorcery’!

"Oh wow! That’s way more interesting than how I got born!"

After being left behind on a field trip and struggling to find a way home, a young April finds someone just as lost as herself. A charming little story that tells how April met the turtles for the first time.

responsibility by TheWhitesOfYourEyes

See the full post

101 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

#2

New York Style, Baby!! ROTTMNT Fanfic Recs (under 5,000 words)

Greetings, dudes and dudettes, and anyone in between! Do you enjoy good fanfic? Well, then you’ve come to the right place! As something of a collector of fics, I welcome you to peruse the many links below. Whether you’re new to the fandom and diving into the ROTTMNT fic scene for the first time, or a veteran looking for content you might have missed, my hope for this project is to point you to something you’ll enjoy!

This rec list is the first of three and focuses on ficlets in the fandom, with every one clocking in under 5,000 words. As such, all of them are also complete. Think of these as the New York Style pizza of fanfics: thin, but cheesy goodness that’s pre-sliced and ready to go when you have a killer craving, but no time to sit down. If you want to browse a little more though, feel free to check out the other lists below!

NEW YORK STYLE, BABY!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (UNDER 5,000 WORDS) — You’re here!

STUFFED CRUST!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (BETWEEN 5,000 AND 15,000 WORDS)

DEEP DISH!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (OVER 15,000 WORDS)

If you enjoy any of these fics, make sure to reblog and spread the love! Don’t forget to check out the other works by these authors; many of them have written multiple wonderful stories not featured here that are just as good. Additionally, consider leaving the authors a comment! I’m not always the best at that myself, but fic writers work hard and deserve all the love in the world.

With that said, sit back, relax, and let’s grab a slice!

➤ ➤ ➤ PRE-SERIES

An Act of Yokai Kindness by BiographyDivider

2,834 words, 1/1 chapter

Character Focus: Splinter & The Boys

Genre: Fluff, Angst

“Okay, boys,” Lou Jistu said, kneeling down to look his gaggle of sons in the face. “What are our Topside Rules?”

“Hats on all the time,” Blue said, pulling his beanie down a little further.

“Or hoods,” Purple chimed in, scowling at his brother for forgetting that he liked a big hood, not a tight hat. Lou nodded.

“And jackets buttoned up too, right? To your chinny-chin-chins?”

A darling little fic about Splinter taking the boys on a trip to the local library—what might be their last trip, as it’s become increasingly difficult to pass them off as human. Features both Turtle Tot goodness and some absolutely on-point Splinter characterization, and is just all around wholesome. 

Coming of Age, Coming to Terms by Drifting_Andromeda

4,018 words, 1/1 chapter

Character Focus: Leonardo & Splinter, Ensemble

Genre: Family Bonding, Fluff

“Huh.” Was all he said, which made Splinter chuckle.

“That’s not the reaction I was expecting.” The rat admitted.

“Really? What were you expecting?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe some more denial? I was definitely in denial when I first realized I was attracted to men.”

Leonardo realizes something about himself on his 12th birthday, but struggles putting those feelings to words. Thankfully, his dad is there to both offer support and help him sort it out. 

Cradled Close by Poppyseed20

2,903 words, 2/2 chapters

Character Focus: Splinter & Leonardo, Ensemble

See the full post

121 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

DEEP DISH!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (OVER 15,000 WORDS)

It’s me again, folks. Do you enjoy good fanfic? We’re reaching the end of the line, but I’m here to hook you up! Whether you’re new to the fandom and diving into the ROTTMNT fic scene for the first time, or a veteran looking for content you might have missed, my hope for this project is to point you to something you’ll enjoy!

This rec list is the last of three and focuses on longfic in the fandom, with a word count reaching anywhere over 15,000 words. You’ll find a variety of fic here, from novellas to full-blown novels—some complete, but many still ongoing! Though it may be heresy on the streets of New York, this is the list you want when you’re craving something really thick to sink your teeth into: a sit-down experience exploding with flavor. Don’t have time for that, actually? Then consider checking out my previous rec lists as well!

NEW YORK STYLE, BABY!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (UNDER 5,000 WORDS)

STUFFED CRUST!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (BETWEEN 5,000 AND 15,000 WORDS)

DEEP DISH!! ROTTMNT FANFIC RECS (OVER 15,000 WORDS) — You’re here!

If you enjoy any of these fics, make sure to reblog and spread the love! Don’t forget to check out the other works by these authors; many of them have written multiple wonderful stories not featured here that are just as good. Additionally, consider leaving the authors a comment! I’m not always the best at that myself, but fic writers work hard and deserve all the love in the world.

With all of that said, it’s time for the recs. Let’s dig in!

Quick note: On previous lists, I separated the recs by the general time period they took place in. I’m not going to that here, largely because—uh. Well. Nearly all of them are post-movie! This fandom’s sure been active in the last couple of months, huh? Given that, I’ll be sorting them by a broader method, but yes. If you’ve not seen the movie, this is your warning that spoilers abound in the recs below. 

➤ ➤ ➤ CANON COMPLIANT

The Aftermath by Starrcrossrose

57,262 words, 9/? chapters (last updated 11/03/2022)

Character Focus: Everyone (Leo-centric)

Genre: Angst, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort

It would’ve been easier to say what he was feeling, but he honestly didn’t know how. He wasn’t sure why, either. He knew his brothers would understand and comfort him and be there if he wanted them to be. Hell, Donnie’s surprise sleepover and everyone showing up for it in the living room had been proof of that.

Yet he still couldn’t do it. He’d tried to talk to Donnie and the pain on his brother’s face had been enough to make him never want to speak about things ever again. He didn’t want them to hurt the way he did; he wanted them to be okay and normal and happy.

You know they aren’t happy. Why do you keep pretending to be fine when the others aren’t either?

Leo squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face into his knees as he pulled himself into an even tighter ball. He wanted to go into his shell as much as possible, but at the same time, a searing energy was making his legs feel like he could run or swim for miles. He could just go and go and go until he collapsed.

Maybe… maybe that'll help.

Set a few months after the movie, Leo struggles with the long recovery time needed for his injuries to heal, both physical and mental. Unable to talk about it, he turns to unhealthy coping methods instead. The rest of the family is doing no better from the fallout of the invasion, however, with each of their own stresses mounting the longer things go unaddressed. That is until Chapter 8, when things come to a head...

There are a lot of post-movie recovery fics out there, each one unique. The Aftermath’s hallmark has to be in its slowburn foreshadowing, and excellent character writing. Throughout many chapters, we get a glimpse into the heads of just about every beloved character the series has to offer, including April and Casey Jr. Little clues to what’s going to go wrong are set up early on, but just like the characters, I was blind to how serious of a turn things were about to take until the problem finally reared its head. This fic does a good job of showing how important it is to talk to one another, even if it’s hard.

Aftershocks by Katiemonz, McBethins, octolingkiera, theashemarie, and this_kills_the_man

153,543 words, 12/15 chapters (last updated 11/06/2022)

Character Focus: Everyone

Genre: Family Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

“Good game,” Leo said to Donnie, smiling at Mikey in the same sly way as before.

“Thank you, Leonardo, but as I’ve said Uno is—”

“But you still lost,” Leo continued. He swept the cards up and began to straighten them for another shuffle.

“Second place is hardly—”

“Honorary title,” Leo cut in again. “Mikey won, so we owe him.”

See the full post

268 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[timmymyluv]

coachella with timmy headcannon !!

COACHELLA headcanons….

timothee chalamet x reader

sorry this took way longer than expected! hope you like them and i can creatively put my own spin on this and im not copying off other ppl's headcanons ^^

warning(s): mentioned drug use, alcohol

We all know he loves his privacy, and this being your first Coachella together he first wanted to be very secretive about his relationship with you, but he doesn't care anymore (as long as you don't mind)

Let them see , he's having the time of his life with the love of his life; he knows it comes with the job, the price of fame - cameras, paparazzis, gossip

If you're a celebrity like him, the first time they spotted you with him they thought you were just a fling to be forgotten or some wannabe social climber

But you were with each other the entire weekend and were seen with him even after - so they knew you guys were serious

The it couple, the fashionable couple who were always up to date with trends but were not blind followers either. You guys were trendsetters, not caring about gender labels on clothing, exchanging/sharing clothes that fans recognized from the past and during the shows when you were pictured together

Mix and match of designer wear, ready-to-wear, handpainted/custom pieces, thrift stores/department store clothing or even your plain walmart/target pieces alongside vintage just matched so well together but really showing how artsy and cultured of a couple you two were

He was very handsy with you, very confident with his PDA because he was as lucky and happy with his love life as in his career and he had nothing to be ashamed about

You both wanted to enjoy the night without being disturbed/bombarded as you weren't technically working but polite fans asking for photos (separately or even together with you both haha) here and there are pretty fun and they're chill so it's not a big deal and you all have fun

First night you decided to stay sober while he could go off the rails (at least with supervision or you and his friends/bodyguards) so he could let loose in a controlled environment lol

(whether you take dr*g$/dr!nk its up to you babes)

You never got to really know tim's team and his friends for a longer period of time than a single dinner with them so getting close to them this weekend was really fun too

"Bro we'll hang out with her more than you now byeee" they really liked seeing him with you and like you best out of all his exes (that they remember) so they treat you as one of their kind

Tim gets super happy seeing you included and getting along with his friends so naturally and having so much fun

Introducing you to Billie Eilish and The Weeknd, friends of his who've snuck you both in VIP

Billie jumped to hug you right as you were introduced to her, telling how she has heard so much about you and how she's finally met the person behind the name ksjds

You guys are like siblings right away same sense of humour and talking about how you met Timy (or even how you make music too and your processes and talking about it with Finneas as well and maybe a possible collab)

You've seen Abel perform but never had the chance to really get to know him personally; he was very welcoming and loved having you on the set with him

Abel always teased Timmy when he was going to bring his "special someone" that he was so lovestruck about

Heck Abel maybe even would love to have a music video with you starring in it or with both you and timmy too because he knows his magnetic songs deserve a magnitude like you and tim

Between the heat you always eat the finest, he'll always spoil you with the best food, and remind each other to stay hydrated in the hot ass desert ksjds

you feel like you're high on something/drunk on just the entire festival, on him by your side, his skin on yours, peppering kissing against where your neck and shoulder blades meet

He walks around coachella with your lipstick smeared all over him after a makeout session not so hidden well behind some bush where the tents where placed,

giggling around like lovesick teenagers who can't keep their hands off each other

Like that post-concert drop of the euphoria, when the adrenaline of like watching stages back to back/ the energy of the crowds/ fireworks,

you're both exhausted after a jampacked weekend but you wouldn't have it any other way <3