#so apparently i had a lot to say

[black-and-yellow]

[kyonshi-8610]

no ref hand practicey the sequel: dwarven women

[imerian]

My (very old) loscar brooch (?) that i just now made doodles for

More pictures under cut

[sea-jello]

hong kong miku,,,

[luck-of-the-drawings]

OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever

[oddly-casual]

Fiona and Cake spoilers seriously

(Something I noticed abt Betty and Simons relationship)

I love Betty and Simon’s relationship, I think their back story is so cute and romantic and all that lovely stuff don’t get me wrong.

But there’s this under tone of Betty constantly giving things up for Simon and we don’t really talk about it a lot???

Like, Betty let Simon have his moment with the artifact and the pubic, she also doesn’t go to her trip in favor of going on an expedition with Simon. Then when she goes to leave again she stays for Simon.

Even Fiona is like “you went with her on the bus?” And Simon just looks all confused like “what? No, why would I do that?” Like- hello???

Then after that she gave up her entire life and mind to get Simon back to the point where she literally says “I don’t know who I am without him anymore.” And that just sucks! Since the beginning Betty has been the one giving up the most, her mind, her own possible career, and it’s a story of love of course and it’s very sweet but it’s also a story of sacrifice.

Their love wasn’t a perfect solution, it was already sort of imbalanced when it started and I lowkey love how we see those cracks even before they’re together.

Again, I love their relationship and I think it’s sweet. I just think we should talk about Betty’s side more, especially when she tells a story of what most women do in relationships, sacrifice.

[scoliosisgoblin]

@marlomagica is this what you had in mind?

[vaguely-concerned]

I'm fairly sure I'm less than half way through act 1, and already so much of my mental health hinges on getting to have lucanis' soft weirdly low-key voice in my ears saying absolutely insane shit and delightedly whispering 'buddy baby what'

(he genuinely does see deicide as just another part of his 9 to 5 and while not humourless in general does not understand why anyone might find this idea odd or humorous, is the best way I think I can describe his vibe. have you ever seen a man so beautiful and so autistic and also he murders people mostly politely and then goes back home and makes everyone a nutritious family dinner afterwards. add in some acute sleep deprivation and that's it that's the whole guy)

[isfjmel-phleg]

It's my night to work, and I can't, and I'm very sorry. Can't argue with the campus nurse though.

I am also very sorry about the grass out front of our main building. The circumstances were desperate and hopefully it will never happen again.

[apuff]

thinking about love in danger days

this is part of my conspiracy theory that that album is aroallo, but i've always gotten the sense that romance and romantic attatchment is much less important to danger days than any other mcr record. with bullets&revenge it's quite obvious as the demolition lovers take up like, everything, and the black parade has a heavy focus on a romantic relationship as well. 

while i do think there are lines in it that are romantically coded, there is a definitive lack of emphasis on it- like it's nowhere in the plot at all. 

i do think danger days represents a very familial type of love though. while other albums visit a sense of "i want you, i need you, i miss you, i hate you,", this is more like…"i love you, i want to protect you, i'm sorry"

i find this especially strongly in s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w:

"Nevermind about the shape i'm in, I'll keep you safe tonight"

"love, love, love won't stop this bomb"

"run, run, bunny, run"

and other songs: 

"i'll find you when the sun goes black"

"just save yourself and i'll hold them back tonight"

"how long until we find our way in the dark and out of harm"

relevant things i can't cover with just quotes are planetary go, oft-theorized to be about party poison and kobra kid, as brothers, leaving battery city together; sing, about the killjoys' last message to the girl while saving her; goodnite dr. death, phrased as him saying goodnight to children; and summertime, which i can't discern the meaning of but seems more like a family type of love. 

i think it makes sense that danger days is like this, seeing as it features main characters that take care of a child main character as opposed to main characters that love other main characters of the same age/ability. 

another thing i noticed while re-listening to the more sentimental songs for this essay is that there's just a distinctly different vibe to it. So much of it is focused around wanting to protect people, keep them safe and out of danger (<- ha that's the name of the album) and loved. i think this also makes sense, because the killjoys live a very, well, dangerous life without much security, and they'd want to provide what they lack the most. another semi-related thing i noticed is just how much of an emphasis there is on childhood in this album. i feel like there's a vibe of youth or teen-hood throughout the earlier ones, but this is just VERY strongly about kids. again this makes sense cause not only are the killjoys teenagers (a type of kid!) they also have a proper little kid to watch. 

also, i wonder how much of this stuff was due to gerard becoming a parent. just something to think about 

[starheirxero]

Can I see a better ref of Servant Sun? Or some sketches of him?

(no reason at all, just wanna see the lil guy better)

YES OFC !!!! I ONLY HAVE SKETCHES RN SO HERE'S SOME STUFF I'VE THROWN AROUND 🙏🙏🙏

Tbh I feel like his outfit is subject to change at any moment BUT these 4 details are FOR SURE always gunna be there.

Did you know everytime he truly doubts his lord, he adds something eclipse themed to his body? Just thought I'd mention it......

[wellwhatnowlove]

“He looks down at his feet, searching for words. When he finds them, he looks up at me with the raw emotion of his father, but without the anger or the pain. “Mother, your inheritance was guilt. Father’s was surrender. Because of you, because of Father, mine is struggle. That is better than guilt. It is better than surrender. I do not blame you. I thank you. You never pretended the world wasn’t broken, even when a broken world favored you.”

Light Bringer, pg.144

I GOT TO THINKIN TODAY ABOUT WHAT PAX SAID ABOUT HIS PARENTS’ INHERITANCE AND I HAD A REVELATION. okay sorry VERY LONG WINDED ESSAY BELOW. (Light Bringer spoilers too)

If Darrow’s inheritance has always been surrender and Virginia’s has always been guilt, then Light Bringer is a study in how they’ve swapped those burdens, and both grew immensely because of it. Virginia is forced to face the reality of surrender to keep Mars from falling. She must learn to sacrifice lives on an unimaginable scale. She literally has to surrender Phobos in order to hold Mars and save lives from a bloody battle over pride. She routinely seeks out the injured and dying to confront those she sacrifices. It’s heart breaking and hard to read at times, but not once did she not feel like the character we grew to love. She stays true to herself while mentioning multiple times that she now understands Darrow’s plight more than ever from the last decade.

Then on the flip side, Darrow is forced to reckon with his insurmountable guilt when he is put on trial before the daughters in the rim to answer for betraying them in order to secure a victory for the core rising/republic. He talks about how that guilt put a wedge between him and his family. That guilt made him feel unworthy of love, and, therefore, unable to properly express his love to those he would give everything for. This mirrors Virginia’s past struggle with one particularly potent example being her inability to believe that Darrow could love her after he reveals his true identity as a red in the tunnel under Lykos at the end of Golden Son. She says

“They are my family!” she shouts, face collapsing into grief. “My father hanged your wife. He hanged her. How can you even look at me?”

I think it’s this guilt (and probably some feelings of utter betrayal, panic, and overwhelm) that led her to leave Darrow in that tunnel and indirectly led him into the Jackal’s trap. Which I’m sure she also feels immense guilt for. But I think a large part of her journey off page and into morning star is her coming to terms with that guilt. In confronting it she learns to be vulnerable with Darrow again and comes to accept that he loves her despite the insane complexity of their history. This culminating with her leaning into her understanding of her part in the society and realizing that it puts her in a place to make a true change. All of this accomplished with an education in immense humility, flexibility, and compromise. Which is the lesson Darrow grapples with and I think truly leans into throughout this book. In a way, he is forced to reckon with how his guilt drove him away from Virginia and Pax and even veered him away from Eo’s dream.

I think on a character based level, this will exponentially strengthen their relationship when (please please Pierce) they finally reunite, and will make them a more formidable pair than even before. They now understand each others struggles in such intimate ways that idk if anyone can stop these two.

Then, on a plot based level it speaks to the larger themes of resilience, understanding and the fight for humanity. Virginia finds strength in surrender and Darrow finds redemption in humility and compromise. 

Then, add in some struggle, grit and pixie dust (and a cool head tattoo I guess. WE SEE YOU OVER THERE PAX AKA ADEPT AUGUSTUS. HELL YEAH KEEP IT UP BABY WOO) and the rising might just have a true shot. Not only at victory, but at redemption and continued effort in the name of what is just and good.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Since you’re really getting into the world of Jewish music, have you heard of chilik frank ? He’s a chossid who does ashkenaz/Klezmer. My absolute fav song from him is a song called ‘Rabi meir omer’ !

Ughh one thing I love about kletzmer is the emphasis on clarinet so many songs have. It makes me want to pick mine back up and play this by ear...

As well, this is how it feels to play clarinet:

[third-king-of-salmonids]

REMEMBER, YOU DONT HAVE TO BE EVERYONES FAVOURITE KING SALMONID YOU JUST GOTTA BE YOUR OWN FAVOURITE KING SALMONID <3

OR INKFISH I GUESS MAYBE?? >__>

[freaky-flawless]

Something that's really irritating me about the Off-White doll is that when you look at the concept art, she has 0 monster features aside from her green skin. Her monster type was such an after thought, and that's why its so poorly reflected in her design. Like she's supposed to be a fish (I think) where are her scales? Where are her fins? For such an expensive doll, I expected more than just a reused face mold, and a very easily recognizable one at that.

Her concept art really looks like a pale Casta Fierce. And honestly, I would probably like her more if that was the direction they took. Instead of being completely new, lazily designed characters, they could have done something like "Casta Fierce modelling for Off-Fright" or something, and added a witchy twist to the actual Off-White look. I mean, it would still be grossly overpriced, but I guarantee she'd sell better, especially considering Casta only ever got one doll. And it would've been SO PERFECT for an October Friday the 13th release.

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers : 2x01 Capital R Rake (Part 4)

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

Portrait of the Featheringtons

Lady Whistledown is particularly vicious -- going after Anthony (Pen and Anthony don't really get much interaction, it makes me wonder what their dynamic is like) and then continues to goad the Queen (which, girl is getting incredibly bold). Meanwhile, we cut to the Featheringtons lounging around -- and I feel like is this what they do most days? It seems like a very boring existence.

While reading LW, Finch giggles and snorts as Penelope has made another plant pun in her writing, to which he appreciates. I kind of love that he is a LW fan, and really, he seems to enjoy Penelope in general. I kind of love that. Penelope is thrilled as his amusement, and is glad someone appreciates her cute, little plant puns.

But maybe more importantly, the juxtaposition is that at the ball, she's being clever and witty, while being ignored not only by suitors but by literally everyone. Meanwhile, as LW, everyone is reading her, and enjoying her. And, I should say -- the usage of the same kind of plant pun humor is also a reminder that Penelope and LW are the same person.

Btw, I love her little smirk and book snap as she jumps up at Finch's compliment. She must really enjoy when her family actually appreciates her.

Penelope might be in good spirits, but Portia is not -- and begins asking Varley if they can get anything for the candlesticks, as she's now starting to sell anything she can to get some income.

Penelope notes this - and while her sisters aren't alarmed, she is, and she is well aware that her family needs some good fortune and quickly.

Also, side note -- I want to know what Penelope is reading!! We get no good shots of the book. Though it looks like the book she was reading at the very beginning of the episode.

[I just want state that the scene in between this one and the next is a delightful Bridgerton family scene -- I still adore all the family dynamics, as it remains one of my favorite parts of the show. Also, Anthony is a great main character.]

Letters

Can we take a moment and appreciate how beautiful Pen looks in this scene? Like, seriously, look at this girl. There's a reason they show puts her in ugly dresses and has her hair in weird configurations -- because it'd be hardly believable that anyone wouldn't notice her if she looked like this at the balls.

Anyway, Penelope's in her room when she hears Prudence's irritating singing coming down the hallway. (Omg, I love the throwback to Season 1.) She just knows Prudence is going to be a nuisance, so she has to act quickly, as she's doing some LW things. She scurries to get the floorboard closed and covered again.

And... this makes me curious. Did the house just happen to have a loose floorboard there, and little Penelope discovered it one day and uses it for her secrets? Or did she make an effort to cut the floor open to have herself a hiding spot? Yes, these are the kinds of questions I think about.

So, Prudence does barge in and the first thing she asks is why Penelope is being so quiet. And... it's a very weird question. How could Penelope be loud? I realize Prudence probably spends a lot of her time singing badly, but there are only five of them in that very big house -- it's hard to believe there's any way that any of them could be making that much noise.

But anyway, Penelope tries to ignore her and states that she is reading. Prudence continues being invasive, stating that Penelope is incredibly boring, and then goes on to why she's really there -- she wants to complain about how Phillippa is now preoccupied with Finch -- and I have to imagine that Prudence isn't really thrilled that she's losing the sister she's bffs with.

Also, the look of annoyance on Penelope's face when Prudence says petrified wrong. Like, the levels of her sisters' stupidity grate on her ever last nerve.

Prudence then decides to snoop on Penelope's desk, and finds that there's a letter there she's amused by. I kind of wonder if the show wants you to think that Prudence has found a Lady Whistedown column? But I mean, Penelope is pretty smart and would never leave that writing out for her sister to read.

It is interesting, however, that she leaves her letter to Colin out in the open, however. But I suppose that is less scandalous? (Though it's pretty scandalous -- as unmarried men and women who weren't related to each other and aren't courting don't write letters to each other. Just another example of the two of them breaking the rules.)

It's also interesting that -- Penelope has been writing him for months now, and no one in her household has noticed. I'm guessing that Penelope is always jumping for the mail first, because he's definitely writing her back, and there's no shortage of letters there, and she must be getting the mail every day, because I'm sure someone would be suspicious that Pen would be getting so much mail.

I also kind of love that this is such a sister moment with Prudence taking the letter and Penelope crying for it back. Idk, it just reminds me of the times I've fought with my siblings like this.

The noise brings Portia into the room (and, lol, Portia looks like she's got a constant headache these days) and wants to know what the fuss is all about. Prudence spills the beans about Penelope writing Colin.

Portia's reaction is... fascinating. She isn't really that alarmed by it, and the first thing she notes is that all the letter writing has gotten her hands dirty. And then she kind of eye rolls about it -- as though she doesn't understand why Penelope would be wasting her time and energy.

Penelope defends herself -- exclaiming that Colin is her friend (which is kind of an extraordinary statement for the time period).

But, I mean, I love LOVE that the show made sure to add this piece of their relationship. The correspondence that Penelope and Colin have been doing while Colin's been traveling is so important and so special. (And I kind of wonder who started writing to who? Did Colin think to send her a letter as something reminded him of her while away? Or did Pen start writing him after Eloise grew bored of giving responses? I'm so curious as to how this all happened.)

The letters, however, are integral to their story. It's a place where the two of them can be themselves without the confines of what society allows. It's a chance for Penelope to be her clever and witty self and express the person she is without fear. And ironically (?) it's the same voice that she probably uses for Lady Whistledown.

And I'm of mind that through these letters are how Colin really fell in love with her. And it's somewhat fascinating that he unknowingly fell for her and Lady Whistledown at the same time. It's clear that he never reads the column, because how could he not pick up on the same phrases and the same sense of humor and the same writing style. She probably does not mask her writing as her Lady Whistledown persona is a reflection of her true voice, and undoubtedly her letters to Colin would be the same way.

Anyway, these letters are something that is very important to her. If you watch how she clutches the letter as her mother scolds her about it, how she has it close to her as she defends herself, and calls Colin her friend. The fact that Prudence is making fun of her and the fact that Portia is completely dismissive of it is incredibly hurtful to her. This relationship means everything to her.

It's interesting that Prudence rolls her eyes -- thinking that Colin would waste time on her, because clearly she doesn't notice the amount of mail that Penelope is getting back. But also doesn't notice that the only one who does pay any attention to her is Colin Bridgerton.

And another side tangent though - I do wonder what Prudence and Phillippa's opinion of Colin is, especially after the whole Marina thing. I mean, I don't think it's much -- but they are aware of how much Penelope spends time with the Bridgertons. And I can see them thinking it's hilarious that Penelope seems to be infatuated with her bff's brother. (I'm guessing, too, that Eloise didn't spend too much time over at the Featheringtons -- and encouraged Pen to spend time with her family instead.)

But, I mean, again while Portia is a bit blind to it -- she becomes completely distracted, asking if she could sell the books because the money issue is way more an actual thing to be concerned about, I do wonder if Penelope's sisters picked up on her feelings towards Colin. At least as so far as her being enamored when he was around would be another thing for them to make fun of her about.

Anyway, Portia scolds Penelope for wasting her time with 'silly letters'. And declares that if Colin is her friend -- then she is, in fact, Catherine the Great. And, I mean, that's the saddest thing. Her own mother doesn't take her seriously. In any other context, this would be seen as a scandal, but Portia finds it frivolous. She doesn't believe that her youngest daughter would find any kind of connection with a man and that's just... sad.

And poor Penelope is just deflated. She had been riding high on all the success of Lady Whistledown, but the reality is that in reality, she is just a girl clinging on to what little stability she has while those who should love her the most mock and ridicule her. It's incredibly disheartening.

Portia leaves by telling Penelope to clean her hands because how dare anyone think she would be a commoner. It's like the finally needle into Pen's side, like Portia has to take one last jab before she leaves. And, oh, how Penelope just has to stop and take a deep breath to reorient herself. She has survived another day of torment.

Penelope uses writing as a way to escape her life, and as a way to deconstruct the world around her. It makes me wonder what she does next -- write a scalding LW column to release her anger? lose herself in fantasy writing to Colin? Or does she have a journal for thoughts too private to even share with anyone at all.