#so anyways ill just try to get to stuff tomorrow hopefully

[bxtonpxss]

.

[b-blushes]

got a good grade in 'not having something wrong with my brain that opticians can detect' and also in 'buying bananas' (not from the optician) 👍

[phagodyke]

didn't even get to do my ironing :-(

[koriand3r]

yes thank you library email i will join your reading program to get cute little online badges since i really don't read enough but maybe a little bear giving me cute stickers and telling me i did a good job will help

[alicechess]

Art x reader part 2

Note: This hasn't been proof read, so my bad if it's not the greatest I smashed this out in like 4 hours. So not the highest quality chapter. I might fix this up at one point, heavy maybe.

@ch1hvro

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You felt ill after the shift, it could be explained, it absolutely could be, right? Just a coincidence, a man dressing up to be a dick, then point at the plastic ring on your hand because he thought it was amusing, and joked that it was him who gave it. Yeah, just a joke, coincidence. You settled on it being a coincidence. 

As soon as you got home, you took the ring of and but it on your bedside table, you didn't want to wear it, you were meant to Halloween night, but it completely slipped your mind. 

However, that night, you heard on the news he somehow escaped the morgue today, in the morning. The news reporters stated the injuries, and allegedly a few people who work in the medical field said how unlikely it would've been for him to survive. They then stated that the poor mortician was brutally murdered too from him, because of course he had to do it. Does that mean it is possible he came to your work today? If that was him, why? He didn't have any blood, or any visible injuries at least. He moved perfectly fine. 

You shook your head, there was no point in thinking about it. If you saw him again, then it absolutely wasn't a coincidence, as there would be no way to justify it. You then turned the TV off, then went to bed. The thoughts of him stuck in your mind as you laid there, the whole day repeating over in your head. How his attention was stuck on you, why that specific Cafe, and although again, the ring may just be him being a dick and not knowing. It still bothered you, all of that happening within the span of an hour. Eventually you fell asleep, your dreams, of course, had him there too. 

The next morning you awoke in a cold sweat, your heart racing rapidly. Once you glanced around and noticed you were in your room, you felt relief.

Just a dream

Maybe you needed to ignore the news, take a break from social media for a few days or even a week. You had no doubt some people would be talking about stuff, but you just had to hope you wouldn't overhear anything. Maybe it'd be good to take a day off, though you knew your boss would be pissed and so as your co-workers. You've barely taken days off the whole year, maybe 3 at most. 

You decided to send a message to your boss, explaining that you have some family stuff going on, and if you could take the day off tomorrow. 

Hopefully he'd be fine with it.

You started getting ready, after showering

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You walked into the door of the Café, the ringing bell irritated your ears. You walked into the back, you had to do a bunch of dishes from last night since one of the other workers had to leave early. Your co-worker spotted then greeted you, "Hey, you look like shit."

You rolled your eyes, "Wow, what a nice way to say good morning Charlie." 

They gave you a cocky smile, "I know I know, I'm wonderful aren't I?"

That damn smile was contagious, "Aww, and I've got you smiling too."

A small chuckle left you, "Yeah yeah, anyway, how longs your shift today? Anyone else in?"

"Uhh, till about 4. I have another job on the side to earn extra. And no, Laurie left about 10 minute ago, she had to leave early as she had an appointment."

"Ew, that's gotta be painful, and god damn it, it would've been nice having a third for today.

"It's painful, but moneys money, world can't go on without it." They sighed, "And I'm trying to save for a new car, the shitbox out there ain't gonna last much longer." They said, taking the eggs out the frypan. "Anyway, can we talk more during our break? Can't have customers complaining."

"Yeah sure, that'd be great actually." They then walked out with the plate of food. 

Your morning was a lot easier to deal with after that interaction, although you hated to admit it, they were annoying at times but you loved them. They were a great friend, and made working a lot easier to tolerate.

You filled the sink and placed the dishes in there, cleaning the least dirty to the most. More and more dishes came, but you tried your best to stay ahead. The dishwasher was going to take forever and only could do a small amount at a time, so this is unfortunately a job that had to be done.

After about an hour, you were close to being finished, and so was the dishwasher. After, you put the dishes away, then went up to your Charlie to check if they needed help with anything.

"To be honest, not really, business is slower than normal, which is a fucking relief." They whispered, so none of the customers could hear. 

"Nice, is Chloe gonna be here soon? It would be nice if she could cover the register, and we can chill in the back."

They shrugged, "Not sure, she's meant to be here at some point today but that's all I know."

You groaned, "Alright, since business is slow should I just sweep and mop now?" 

You heard that cursed bell ring, and you heard a honk. You instantly turned around, wondering what that noise was. 

"What the fuck..." Charlie muttered under their breath.

Your eyes widened, bile rose up in your throat. You stood still for a few moments as you locked eyes with that fucker, then you sprinted towards the staff toilet. You leaned over, the breakfast you ate not longer ago instantly came up. Your throat burned as acid tore at your throat. You clenched the toilet bowl as it kept going. You body shook rapidly from fear and shock.

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

Why is he here, it was meant to be a fucking coincidence. Do I have a murderer stalking me?

You weren't sure what to do, but after about a minute you heard your Charlie running over.

"Hey, hey!" They said crouching down, rubbing your back. "What the hell was that? Are you okay?"

You nodded, "Yeah...." You croakily mumbled, your legs wobbling as you slowly stood up.

"Stay there if you need to, I can handle the front for a bit." 

You shook your head, "I'll be fine, it's fine. Just give me a minute and I'll clean up."

"Look Chloe should be here soon, when she gets here I'll explain you were sick so you had to leave. Got it?"

You rolled your eyes, "I'll be okay, I just got nauseous.-"

"No, you're heading home when she gets here."

You wanted to argue, but you knew it was probably a good idea. You didn't want to see... it again. 

"Fine, can I help just till she gets here?"

"Yeah sure, just don't overwork yourself and let me know if you feel ill again."

You nodded, moving towards the sink to splash water on your face. "Alright, I'm gonna head back, don't rush yourself I can handle it." They patted your back again, then walked off.

You looked down at your shirt, and thankfully there was no vomit. So, you went back to helping Charlie. As soon as you were in the doorway you spotted him, sitting down. "Hey, is it okay if you could pass this to the customer in the clown suit real quick? I just need to prepare another order."

You nodded, trying to not show your fear to them. "Yeah, of course!"

While you walked over, you noticed his eyes were on you. You looked at the floor, knowing it was rude but you were so afraid. You put the pancakes down in front of the clown. "Here's your order... sir." You mumbled, giving a forced smile. As you starting walking away, he beeped the horn. 

"Did you need something?" 

He nodded, gesturing you to come closer.

He looked at your hand, a frown forming on his face. But not a second later is was replaced with that eerie smile. He stared at you as he purposely knocked the plate down onto the floor. It shattered onto the ground. He covered his mouth, giving an exaggerated 'Oops' face. A few customers looked over giving a confused and concerned expression.

Your face turned into a thin line, what the fuck "I'm sorry sir, I'll be back." You quickly muttered, walking to Charlie, "Hey, look I can't do this right now, can you please talk to the clown? I'll do whatever you were doing before. I'm just really uncomfortable around him."

They nodded, noticing you were shaken up. "Yeah that's fine, but what's going on? You look horrified, did something happen?"

You shook your head, "It's nothing, just can you help him?"

"Okay, I'll do that now, you just need to make a strawberry milkshake for table 5 while I deal with the clown."

"Easy." You immediately started to work on it, you scooped the ice-cream, poured the milk and strawberry-flavoured syrup and then blended it. You occasionally heard words from your Charlie while they were trying to communicate with the clown. But of course it went nowhere. As you were pouring the milkshake into a plastic cup, they came up to you. "I have no idea what he wants, he's not responding at all to me. I clean up the mess, but I don't know what else to do. Was he at least responding to you?"

"Yeah, I guess, but I really, really don't want to talk to him. He's... scaring me." You glanced at the floor, feeling embarrassed. 

"It's okay, I'll figure something out. Other customers are starting to feel uncomfortable as well. Fuck, Chloe needs to get here soon."

"Yeah, hopefully, should I contact the boss?" 

They nodded, "Can you contact Chloe first? We need her here soon."

"I'll do that now, I'll try and make it quick." You hurried out to the back again, pulling out your phone. You dialled her number, but it immediately when to voice mail. "What the fuck..." You murmured, trying again. And again. You groaned, then decided to send her a quick message.

Y/n: Hey, are you still coming into work today? 

You hoped she'd read it soon, then you dialled your bosses number. Thankfully, you heard her voice on the other end. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, I heard from Charlie that Chloe would be coming in today at some point. What time would she be here? She isn't picking up any of my calls. "

You heard a sigh on the other end, "Give me a moment."

After 15 seconds of rustling sounds, she answered. "Alright, it says she'd be on around 2pm till 8pm. Is she not there?"

"No, she's not. It's 2:30."

You heard another sigh from your boss, "I'll try and contact her, that's all I can do. Is that all you needed?"

"No, I was wondering what to do about a customer. One of them is making me and Charlie uncomfortable. He keeps.... just doing stuff."

"If you want advice I need more details." 

You took a deep breath in, "For one he's in a clown outfit, which in itself isn't bad but it's just how he's acting doing it too. If that makes sense, and he purposely broke one of our plates, and acted like it was all funny. He then wouldn't talk to Charlie, only me. It's just such bizarre behaviour."

"Normally threatening them with the police will cause them to stop, but if he continues call the non-emergency line for the police. That's it."

"Alright, thank you."

"Bye." She said, the line ending.

You walked back to the register to talk to your Charlie. "Chloe was meant to be here at 2. What the fuck do we do? She isn't picking up my calls, she's not answering my messages and the boss just told us to threaten the clown with the police but fuck that I'm not comfortable with it I don't know him and he's scaring-"

"Calm down, you're gonna be okay. This isn't a big deal you'll be fine we can figure this out. I'll talk to him."

You glanced over your shoulder to look at the clown. He was sitting there, his chin resting on his hands, giving you a wink. 

"God fucking damn it." Your muttered under your breath, he waved at you, then gesturing for him to come over again. "He wants me to go over again, what do I do? What the fuck do I do?"

Charlie bit their bottom lip, "I can go over if you like and try again, but I doubt he'll listen."

"Fuck, fine, I'll fucking doing it." You whisper-yelled, immediately going over towards the clown. You noticed most of the customers had left. How had no one called the police yet? Maybe they thought it was someone trying to be funny? 

"Hello sir, is there anything I can help you with?"

The clown told you to stop, raising his pointer-finger. He then went through the garbage bag next to him. You heard the sounds of metal hitting metal, making you feeling almost as sick as before. He pulled out an envelope. You stared at it for a moment, noticing brown splotches over it. It looked like dried blood. You also noticed how there was a bump inside. You were about to place it down, but he gestured for you to open it.

You stared with widened eyes, really not wanting to. "I'm sorry sir... I-"

The clown gestured one more time, a deep frown on his face. You were afraid, so begrudgingly, you open it. And inside was a chunk of blonde hair, with a small amount of dyed-blue strands. You pulled it out and saw a piece of someone's scalp was attached. The blonde hair looked identical to Chloe's. You placed it back down onto the table, stepping back. 

"Why.... what did she do to you?"

You knew what he did. It was obvious. But all you wanted to know is why. Yeah she could be bitchy at times, but she never had bad intentions. Not anything worthy of her fucking dying.

The Clown silently giggled, slapping his knee like it was the funniest joke in the world. He pointed at you, mimicking a horrified look and then continued laughing. 

"Oh fuck this." You muttered, Charlie looked over and saw the terrified look on your face. "Charlie we need to get the fuck out now!" You yelled, grabbing their arm, dragging them into the kitchen. To get out through the front, you would've had to walk past him again, and that was not something that you wanted. 

You shoved them inside and slammed the door shut, locking it. "Grab a knife Charlie." They didn't ask questions, just grabbing it off the bench. The clown was walking over towards the counter, where you'd pass food through to the person at the register. He stood there smiling. 

"Nope, don't look just fucking get out." You urgently said to Charlie, grabbing their arm and leading them to the back door. You unlocked it ran out with them. You rummaged through your pockets and grabbed your keys, your hands shaking as you tried to open the car door. 

"Y/n your tires have been fucking slashed!" 

"Oh for fuck sake!" You yelled, this time they dragged you. You dropped your keys while they pulled you, "My keys!"

"It doesn't matter Y/n! There's a fucking psycho chasing us." 

You followed them, running to the nearest store. You looked behind, noticing the clown was behind, with that fucking garbage bag thrown on it's shoulder. 

As Charlie ran into the store, they yelled to call the police. They didn't care about scaring the workers, they just needed to make sure the both of you were safe. The woman at the register looked confused. They ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind the both of you. They fumbled with their phone, dialling the emergency number. 

"What's your emergency?"

"There's a fucking psycho chasing after us! He's trying to fucking kill us!" They yelled, sounding hysterical. 

"Okay, calm down. Are you safe right now?"

"I think so, we've locked ourselves in a random stores bathroom. We don't know where he is right now."

"Okay, what did he look like?"

"He-he was wearing a black and white clown outfit, like the one from the news!"

"Alright...." The operator said, sounding like they thought it was a prank call, but they still continued.

"What store are you in right now?" 

Charlie turned to you, "Do you know where we ran to?"

You shook your head, "I-I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry!"

"It's fine." Charlie murmured, "We don't know, but can you guys track the phone?"

The woman sighed, "Yes we can, but if this is a prank call you will be in serious trouble."

"We aren't fucking lying, my fucking car tires were slashed and this fucker gave me an envelope with co-workers scalp in it! Get the damn police here right now or we could get brutally murdered!" You screamed at the operator.

"Please calm down, the police are on their way." The operator said, "Please stay on the line, are you hearing anything outside of the bathroom?"

Charlie spoke up, "No, it's oddly quiet out there, I... I don't know where he is. I don't know if he followed us in or not. We didn't look around."

The only thing you could hear was cars driving by, it was otherwise painfully silent.

"Fuck what happened to Chloe, oh god I hope she's okay. Please Chloe be okay." You whimpered, dropping to the ground. "Fuck I'm sorry Chloe, I'm so sorry." Tears welled up in your eyes, then started streaming down your face.

Charlie knelt down, placing their phone on the tiled floor, "Hey, it's okay, Chloe might still be out there. Probably not in the best condition but still maybe out there." They gently hugged you.

You sniffled, "What if that psycho grabbed my keys, I'm not even going to be safe in my own fucking home." You sobbed, "I didn't even do anything to him!" 

"I know, some people are just messed up, but you'll be okay, I'll make sure of it. No ones going to hurt you." 

Eventually, you heard the police sirens and them shouting. After a few moments they knocked on the bathroom door. You immediately unlocked it, running out. "Did you find him?" You asked, your eyes showing the hope in this being simple, like maybe he was waiting outside or something stupid. But of course, reality didn't work that way. 

"The only people we found were the workers here, I'm sorry." One of the officers said, "Do you have any injuries?"

You and Charlie shook your head.

"Alright, we're going to need to take you in for questioning."

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[gilverrwrites]

Forget yourself, surrender your mind.

Black Mask/F!Reader, 2.5K ft. Platonic Jason Todd/Reader AN: So, this is based on a series of frankly depraved, evil, beautiful asks [one], [two], [three], [four]. Thank you so much anon/s! It's been tittering on complete for a while now, but I've been hesitatnt to post if as a I feel like it's missing something, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I'll post an amended verison at a later date. Hopefully youse don't feel the same, and/or enjoy it anyway. CWs: Swearing, power imbalance, sexual misconduct - Roman is a H/R nightmare, drug use, non-graphic violence, bad drug trip, non-graphic torture, non-graphic blood, manipulation, forced exhibition, public/humiliation, degradation, dumbification/infantilization, a LOT of daddy kink, objectification, isolation, edging, hair pulling, one sided co-dependency, unhealthy coping mechanisms, self-destructive behaviours, very abusive relationship. I am being way over-cautious with this, but basically DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT!

“He makes my fucking skin crawl.” Your lips are pulled into a tight scowl as you read the latest text from your boss Roman. “Look at this shit.”

Wear something extra pretty for your shift tomorrow, doll. I have something special planned for you.

Maybe you could understand if you were one of his working girls, you presume they're being paid to fuck him as well as the clientele, but you’re his fucking club's accountant. Despite this, or maybe because of it, he seems to get his kicks trying to coerce his way in your pants, and the more you reject him the more it spurs him on.

Jason considers the message with a frown before snatching your phone and scrolling up. The more inappropriate messages he sees, the more pissed off he looks. Most of it is much of the same, comments on your body and attitude, sometimes it’s worse, pure and unadulterated filth. Occasionally he throws in a legitimate work-related message, which requires an urgent reply. You’re certain he only does the latter to ensure you’re still checking each and every message.

“I told you not to take the job, and I keep telling you to quit.” He finally replies, handing back your phone and crossing his arms. The stormy expression and his imposing stature might be enough to scare anyone else into caving, but this is Jason. Your best friend Jason. You’d been through thick and thin. You’d watched him drunkenly recite Jane Austen in nothing but socks and a fuzzy pink towel for Christ's sake. He doesn’t frighten you. “He’s a creep, why do you keep working for him?”

“The pay is insane.” You reply instantaneously because it is. You’ve almost paid off half your student loan in a matter of months. And that’s on top of all the gifts. You know you shouldn’t take them, blood money and ill-gotten gains blah blah blah but some of it was just too good to turn down. Not to mention the dope. The perks of the job really outweigh the cons, you can deal with Romans vulgar attitude towards you, at least until your loans are paid and your savings account is bloated.

You love Jason dearly, but he’ll blow a fucking gasket if he found out you were taking bribes and drugs from Black fucking Mask. For a casino owner, he’s always been a bit of a stickler. So, you keep that secret for yourself, and you don’t feel bad about it. He has his secrets too. Unfortunately, real life isn’t like an episode of The Sleep Over Club.

“I worry about you.” Jay is still looking at you with that scrutinising glare, too bad it won’t work on you.

“I can handle Roman.” You roll your eyes as you attempt to reassure him. “Really Jay, I promise. He’d have to kill me before I would give him what he wanted.”

That felt so long ago. A far off memory that you hadn’t thought about since before the turning point in your relationship with Roman. It was laughable really. Kill you? Roman saved you.

He’d told you Red Hood was responsible, but you can’t really remember. You’d been high on a bad trip; a newbie had cut the stuff wrong apparently. All you can recall is being lost and alone, unable to command your own body when a bright light hit you out of nowhere, your ears were ringing, and then there was a gun in your face and finally Roman, your knight in a skull-shaped mask.

He’d made let you watch when he’d dealt with the idiot who fucked up the formula, and again you don’t want to remember much, just all that blood, all the screaming, and the thought that you never wanted to be in that position. Red Hood on the other hand was still at large, still a risk, but you weren’t scared of him. Why would you be scared of him when you had Roman. To protect you of course.

All he asked for in exchange was your unwavering submission loyalty.

It was good for you, Roman had helped you in a lot of ways. Keeping you safe, taking the weight off your shoulders. He’d made you realise what an uppity bitch you’d been.

It had been hard at first, accepting what you really are, who you belong to. It went against your core values to swallow your pride and comply to his whims, but you learned that he knew what was best.

The drugs help too. They make it easier to ignore the looks you get. At first, they made you uncomfortable; pitying glances from your former co-workers, judgement and disgust from strangers that cut deeper than you’d thought, mostly lust-filled leering from Roman's followers and his business associates.

But your objectification made Roman happy, and a happy Roman kept you safe happy.

You’re not sure when it happened but eventually, you stopped working, and not worrying about all those numbers felt good. “Don’t think about the money baby just pick whatever you want.”

After numbers came reading, “Those are some big words, why don’t you just point to the pictures.”

Then Roman cleverly pointed out that you didn't need a phone. Carrying around a phone usually meant carrying around a bag, and the ugly old bag you'd had since college really clashed with your pretty dresses.

Besides, what would you do with a phone? Text? Words are hard. Videos? Too much fake news out there, it would only scare you. Call someone? Who? You had everything you need right here.

Giving up decision-making came so naturally after that. “Don’t worry Princess. Daddy knows what you need.”

Roman Daddy helps a lot, he keeps you in line, reminds you of your place. Sometimes you need a firm hand and he’s never been afraid to give it to you. But mostly he just keeps you grounded.

Like now. It would be easy to focus on the hard sticky floor digging into your knees. To feel shame at wilfully allowing someone to treat you like this, at the idea of being watched in such a degrading position by the patrons of the bar or the man on the other side of the table. But you have Daddy to keep you focused. The scratchy feel of his slacks on your cheeks, his fingers in your hair, petting you like a good girl.

The best part is the muskiness of his crotch against your nose. He smells so yummy! It’s a challenge not to stick your tongue out and taste him. The last time you’d done that you’d gotten carried away, drooling all over him, making a large wet patch on his expensive trousers and getting drool everywhere. He’d punished you by having you clean up as much of the remaining excess with your mouth. That meant sucking at the velvety pillowed fabric of the chair and licking the filth-trodden floor. You’d hated every second, but you’d been happy to do it, eager to convince Daddy to keep you.

And it worked!

The memory of it, helps you to stave off the urge to make out with his clothed groin right now. What doesn’t help is the throbbing clit between your legs. Daddy edges you multiple times a day but rarely does he let you cum, that way you’re always wet and needy and ready for his cock. The punishment for trying to get off without him? More proof of Daddy's brilliance. The thought of it dampens any impulse to alleviate the constant ache. You’d broken down and apologised before it even began, begged him to make it stop but he’d had you sit through the whole thing; an hour with your legs open, completely exposed to the False-Facers. No fucking, but otherwise they could do what they liked, touching, slapping, pinching, spitting, and that they did. Your lesson had been learned; that your pussy wasn’t yours. It, along with the rest of your body belongs to Daddy, not you and he can do as he pleases with it.

The hand in your hair suddenly tightens its grip, drawing you from your thoughts and guiding your head back to look at Daddy as he asks; “What are you think about baby?”

“You!” You smile at the sight of his handsome mask.

Cold glass brushes against your lips and you open up, tilting your head back to allow him to pour the sweet liquid in. It burns as it passes through your throat and makes your eyes water. You think you didn’t like cocktails like this before, but Daddy says you love them, and Daddy is always right.

“Good girl.” He coos, making you feel all warm and fuzzy with pride. “You’ve been so well-behaved today, why don’t you come sit on my lap and meet my new friend.”

“Thank you, Daddy!” You clamber to get closer to him, sitting across his lap and leaning the side of your head against his chest. You’re enjoying his warmth and the feel of his hands on your body when you hear something odd. A deep voice shouts a word you recognise but can’t define and it pings around the empty walls of your tiny brain.

“This is Jason Todd.” Daddy’s still talking, big words you don’t care about like ‘shareholder’ and ‘investing’ as he finds a place to settle his wandering hands. One supports your weight, cupping your ass. The other shamelessly gropes your breast, twisting and pinching your pert nipple through the sheer fabric of your dress. A loud, pornographic moan escapes your glossy lips as you relish in Daddy's attention until you hear that word again.

“It’s me. It’s Jason.” It’s the same voice, chipping away in your unconscious. “It’s Jason Todd.”

Jason. Jason Todd. Another sound that you can’t quite put your finger on.

Jay-son Todd.

Jay-son.

Jay.

Finally, you look at the stranger, his mouth is moving. It’s his voice you’d heard before, he says the word again and you think you should know it, but you can’t quite grasp it.

“Have you met Jason before, baby?” Daddy's hold on you tightens, biting into half-healed wounds partially hidden by your clothes.

At the same time, the stranger barks, making you jump. “What the fuck?”

And then that word again and this time it clicks.

It’s your name.

You forgot your own name.

Shame hits you like a bucket of ice water. Trickling through your body in waves as it all comes back to you. And the man, that’s…

“Jason!” Your best friend Jason. “What are you doing here?”

God, what must he think of you; doing tricks like a damn dog for Daddy a man you swore you’d never let touch you.

“Looking for you.” He’s on his feet and towering over you in seconds. He has such a substantial frame. You always thought you’d recognise it anywhere. “I haven’t heard from you in months.”

Months? Had it really been months?

“Your phone line is dead. I went to your apartment and all your shit was on the curb. You’ve not been paying your bills or watering your plants. I thought you were dead.”

Concern is etched into his blue-green eyes and it’s too much. The indignity of your behaviour, the guilt at making him worry, making him come here looking for you, all those words. So many words. Roman says your brain isn’t meant for lots of words.

Jason grabs you, his meaty hand clutching onto your upper arm and attempting to pull you toward him. It does not have the desired effect, the rational part of your brain snaps under the stress of the overwhelming situation like he’s shining a spotlight on you in your most vulnerable moment, like he’s attacking you, and you can think of nothing in this world you want less than to go with him.

“Daddy!” While Jason’s tug is enough to send a jolt through your body, to your relief it isn’t enough to pull you from Daddy's arms. Instinctively, you pull his arm closer for comfort, unaware of how you’d been digging your nails into the sleeve of his suit jacket until you utilise it as a safety net. “Make him stop.”

The look on Jason’s the man’s face is that of pure horror. It hurts to look at, so you nestle deeper against Daddy's chest, soothed by the way it shakes as he chuckles, despite the evident venom lacing the sound. His neck is a deep shade of red. Angry veins bulge with each beat of his battery-powered heart. “You heard her, kid. Take a hike.”

“I’m not leaving without her you sick fuck.” And then the man puts his other hand on you, this one cupping your face, encouraging you to look at him. He’s trying to console you. Instead, he frightens you. “You don’t have to stay here. Whatever he’s got on you, we...”

You let the words pass in one ear and out the other, with no desire to retain any of it.

Daddy is not going to like this. Not only had the scary man tricked him, but now he’s touching you. Trying to take you away. Daddy is really not going to like this.

The man tries once more to snatch your body and this time he succeeds. You squeal as your body harshly lurches forward. Your fears are cut shut, however. Daddy protects you, grabbing you ruthlessly by the throat and kicking the back of your heel. You go limp, allowing his vice-like hold on your neck to lead you back to the floor.

"You Wayne's think you own every fucking thing." Daddy strikes the table with his fist, and something wet slashes into your face, followed by a loud shattering sound. You don't care.

"Don't compare me to him. He's got nothing to do with this."

"Like father like fucking son. You're under my roof boy, and you have the nerve to put your hands on my shit!"

It’s becoming a spectacle. People are watching. You don’t want to look, don't want to listen.

Closing your eyes, you kneel in front of the booth, settling your head onto the warm space where Daddy had been sitting.

They’re both shouting, it makes your head hurt. Something cool is seeping down your face. What sounds like a gun goes off. Once, twice, three times. You don’t care. You don’t want to care. You want to go back to ten minutes ago when your head was empty, and your Daddy was happy.

His lingering scent helps you find that headspace until he returns.

“Look at me.” Once again, he uses your hair to yank your head back, directing you to face him. Despite the way you wail in surprise, the sting is a welcomed reassurance that you’re where you belong. Dark red blood mars his white suit. You don’t look for a body or an injury. You just keep looking at Daddy. “Oh, my poor baby, you’re shaking. It’s okay, Daddies here.”

Daddy puts you at ease.

[negativepeanuthoarder]

PLEASE MORE PREGGOS SAP N DNN PLEASEEE either angst or fluff

Alright I'm going to set a timer for 20 minutes and write as much as I can :)

944 words, not proofread, Mpreg, no smut, one mention of weight gain/loss

"I feel awful," Sapnap grumbles, lying down on the couch and staring at the ceiling. He really has - waking up every morning with horrible vomiting and fatigue, unable to do much of anything except lie down and sleep, and he can't even do that half the time.

"I know," Dream walks past and touches Sapnap's head before putting a cup of tea on the little table beside him. It's ginger tea, supposed to soothe his upset stomach.

Sapnap sips at it weakly, exhausted. "What even causes this stuff anyways?"

"It's probably just a virus," Dream assures as George walks into the room, spotting Sapnap and Dream on the couch and making a beeline for them both.

"It can't be a virus," George comments casually, leaning onto Sapnap like a nosy cat. "You've been sick for like a week now and none of us have caught it."

Sapnap sighs. "Do you think it's going to go away?"

"Probably," Dream assures. "If you throw up tomorrow we'll go to the doctor's."

"Mm," Sapnap mumbles, rolling over a little and burying himself in throw pillows and blankets, wanting nothing more then to nap for a while and hopefully sleep this off.

George inches closer until they're cuddled up against one another and Dream smiles at them both, gently leaning to kiss Sapnap's forehead and George's cheek, before standing. "I've got some work to do in my office, okay? But I promise I'll be right back when I'm done, we can watch a movie or play a game."

"Okay," Sapnap mumbles. "Can you email someone for me and tell them I can't stream?"

"Of course," Dream assures. "Love you."

"Love you too," Sapnap mumbles, sighing as he finally sinks into the mattress and into a dreamless sleep.

-

George is deeply suspicious of this.

For one, Sapnap throwing up constantly without getting Dream and George sick is weird enough on it's own, but there's other things he's picking up on that neither Sapnap nor Dream seem to notice.

Sapnap frequently leaving their bed in the middle of the night, avoiding foods he used to like while gravitating towards stuff he normally hates, the slight weight gain even though they've been working out all the time.

All signs point to Sapnap being pregnant, which is completely ridiculous because Sapnap can't get pregnant.

Which is why George hasn't brought it up.

But today's as good a day as any to bring this up to Dream and ask what he thinks. George is getting a little sick of feeling like the only person around here with eyeballs.

He releases Sapnap gently, running his hand over his boyfriend's midsection just in case, wondering if he's actually right, if there is a little baby growing inside Sapnap. Sapnap whines in his sleep and rolls over, away from George, and George slips out of the living room and to Dream's office.

"Can we talk?" He asks, knocking at the open door.

Dream tugs off his headphones. "Yeah, what's up?"

George sighs. This is going to be a weird conversation so he might as well get it out of the way. "I think Sapnap's pregnant."

Dream stares at him for a long moment before snorting, amused. "Okay. That's pretty funny - just because he's caught something or had food poisioning doesn't mean he's-"

"I'm serious," George frowns at him. "He's getting up all the time, has all this weird food stuff, sleeps all day, he's sick, and on top of that he's gained a little weight. He's pregnant."

Dream looks at George for a long moment, trying to process that information. "But... George he's - he can't get pregnant, he doesn't even have a like... uterus. That's impossible."

"It's either that or he's got some weird illness that's masqerading as pregnancy," George sighs. "Look it couldn't hurt to take a pregnancy test, can it?"

Dream looks skeptical. "Yeah, that won't hurt, but good luck convincing Sapnap he's pregnant."

George slinks off, ordering a pregnancy test for same-day delivery online as he does so, and trots back to the living room.

-

Turns out Sapnap is extremely easy to convince he needs to take a pregnancy test. He thinks it's a joke and humors George by taking it.

And then it comes back positive. He's pregnant. He really is pregnant. Sapnap is pregnant.

"This doesn't- I'm not even- I shouldn't-" Sapnap mutters, sitting down at a barstool while Dream and George get food for the three of them. "This shouldn't even be possible."

"Well... we'll get a good look at the doctor's office tomorrow," Dream sighs, before walking over to kiss Sapnap's head. "But until then you probably need to rest for a little, okay?"

Sapnap agrees, purely because he's really tired and just wants to nap in their bed. He also wants them to snuggle with him, and he wants the cats to snuggle with him too, even though they're entirely disinterested in doing that.

Except Patches, who leans against him and purrs while he sleeps, warm and safe in their big bed. Dream joins him a little later with a laptop to work on, and George climbs in with his phone. He likes resting his hand on Sapnap's tummy.

George loves it, loves feeling like he's holding a baby inside Sapnap, a little jelly bean. Their baby, all three of them. Their little baby growing inside Sapnap. He loves it. He loves them already, because they're a part of Sapnap and George loves Sapnap and he loves Dream and he loves whatever this is.

Even if this is all a false alarm. But that's a worry for tomorrow. Today George is happy with his boyfriends and their baby.

[jakowskis]

Day 1 - How did you first get into Torchwood?

fdhkf ok ok so basically. i do not remember exactly what happened. this happens to me often like i can never remember what i came across that first got me into the media. with torchwood i at least know it was the fact that everyone was bi, but i dont rmr if i saw a post about it, or if i was fucking around on tvtropes or something - i legit cannot remember. i remember seeing a gifset of gay torchwood kisses p early on, but i dont think that was like the inciting incident? that mighta come about when i was doing research into the alleged fruitiness FHSJDFKDS. i do know i've been aware of jack as a character for at least a decade, like i'd heard of the harkness test + i was aware that he was 'that slutty doctor who guy', and also, coincidentally, in the fandom i was in in 2015, someone wrote a crossover fic where my fav slept with jack and ianto and i read it 😭 had no idea who they were, i hopefully at least googled them but fhsdjkf. but anyway i was like 'ooh a show with an all bisexual cast? color me intrigued.' i'd never touched dw either, i had friends who liked it when i was in middle school but i always saw it as kinda dorky fhsdkj (namely cuz my friends were dorks), but yeah, i was reeled in by the concept of sci-fi bisexuals. but not fully! it was in like 'yeah ill put that on my watchlist and get around to it in 2 yrs' territory

but then, as im looking into it, i realize owen's played by burn gorman, who i only knew from pac rim, which i'd fixated on briefly in 2018, riiiight before pru came out. my pr fixation p much revolved entirely around newt; i liked newmann, but i didn't get super into it. hermann himself was kind of an afterthought, i wasn't big on him at the time. anyway i saw owen and recognized hermann's actor, and my initial reaction was like "WHAT DO U MEAN HERMANN FUCKING GOTTLIEB'S IN THE SLUTTY BISEXUAL SHOW??? THIS I MUST SEE! HERMANN GOTTLIEB KISS MEN REAL NOT CLICKBAIT?!?!?!!??" and that was literally the thing that made me watch it. LAWL and the first few eps were so damn jarring bc i continued to just associate owen with hermann initially. and worse yet, ive now developed a hefty crush on burn himself lmao, i think he's gorg and ive watched a lot of his stuff, but before i got into torchwood i only knew him from PR and i didnt find hermann attractive or even rlly compelling in the slightest (this has changed significantly; im in my hermann era as a pr fan. newt who). so it was also a lot of "WTF WHY IS HE HOT??? HUH???? DUDE NO WAY." it's since lost its novelty, but it was very jarring + amusing to me at first, trying to reconcile owen n hermann. its like if u ran into ur frumpy weird professor at leather night and he was the twink of ur dreams FDSKJFHDSKJFDSK

yeah so then i watched the show and it fucking smacked me over the head with a shovel bc its so fucking bad but its so fucking good. and very quickly my view of owen went from "wait a mf second why is not-hermann kind of 🫦 hiii mean slutty hermann hiii" to "wait. oh hes fucked up. oh hes sad. oh no i love him" to him being my third favorite character of all time. fff. but more on that tomorrow! hehehehe

[bromantically]

Hey I saw your post about christmas and I wanted to let you know it's going to be okay. It sucks that this xmas isn't going well for you but it'll get better. I promise. The first time I spent xmas on my own was horrible, everything went wrong and I was painfully lonely and just felt like shit. But the next year things were better, I wasn't so lonely anymore, even though I was alone at home the pain wasn't there anymore. This is the third year I'm spending christmas on my own and I'm having a pretty good time, making my own traditions and stuff. So, I promise things will get better and the pain will subside. Sorry if this was a weird message, I just wanted to make you feel a little better, as someone who's been in the same situation. It's going to be okay 💛

its really relieving to know others know what im going through honestly... i miss my lucy so much still, and i havent really done much processing of any of it, so its really hard to look in the eye and try to heal yknow... hopefully at my next therapy appointment ill try to bring it up and talk these things out though. i want to be able to process it so i dont remember my baby in fear forever

im hoping to hang with friends or something online on the anniversary of her passing so its easier and i can make happy memories for that day instead, and i might try to visit my nana with my mom tomorrow so im not stuck alone in the house

anyways thank u for ur ask :') i hope ur holding up alright too, and i hope ur years being u more fond memories to add to this time of year

[darkhalo4321]

Here comes a big sappy blog post

I'm just gonna put a read more because it does have talk about medical stuff and hospitals and blah blah cw illness

My dad is in the hospital. He has fluid on his lung, they aren't sure why, but some theories have been suggested and tomorrow they will look into it. Hopefully it's... nothing major. It's been a roller coaster of emotions. It's similar to when my mom had her heart attack but I think my emotions from then and now are so different? With my mom it was sudden, and the fear of losing my parent was SUPER real, and it feels real now too with my father. (my mom is fine btw) The difference I think is, back then I had very little support outside my family and a few friends, but like, my support was tied up in online friends and it wasn't... the healthiest at the time? But my support group now is some really good friends and so many people I work with, coworkers, bosses, my family of course, I'm like so much more supported through this. I wish I had this when my mom had a heart attack. The other main difference is, I'm a lot better at managing my anxiety. I'm still CRYING of course because it's my dad. I love my dad. I was the kid that when I was sick, I just wanted to sit on my dad's lap and be comforted. I followed him around outside watching him do stuff. Like, I was a little shadow. So it's super hard to see someone that has always felt so STRONG be so weak and it's HARD. So I'm crying, but it's in small waves. I'm mostly okay. I'm trying to reassure everyone else around me that things will be okay. Once we know more, we can begin to move forward. The same was with my mom after her heart attack. The part that had us all freaked out was not knowing what was happening. Things are getting checked out and looked at now and we know SOMETHING and he is being monitored and looked after which actually eases some anxiety. anyway. It's just so different having to go through this crisis but having such a more healthy support system. I get teary eyed so much for the friends and family reaching out to check on me like... I don't want to weather a terrible turn of events, but I feel more secure knowing I wouldn't be weathering that alone and that means so much.

I HAVE TO MAKE AN EDIT BECAUSE I DID HAVE KIM, KIM WAS THERE RIGHT AFTER MY MOM HAD HER HEART ATTACK AND THEY SAT WITH MY MOM WHEN I HAD TO WORK LIKE THAT WAS AMAZING I have always had kim. Kim is a good long time friend. Thank you buddy. You've always been amazing. Might need you to come babysit my parents again XD

[timeoverload]

Today was a pretty easy day for me. I had 29 cases but it wasn't as stressful because they weren't moving too fast. Nothing bad happened except I still haven't found that muscle hook. Hopefully it turns up tomorrow. I was happy that I got to eat breakfast and lunch and it wasn't terrible.

I did get very angry with the morning team lead earlier. He started telling me how he feels about trans people and I do not agree with his opinions. I told him I didn't want to have a debate about it but he wouldn't stop so I sort of blew up on him. He was telling me that he thinks trans people are mentally ill and he refuses to treat them with respect because he doesn't believe in that. He's always preaching about God and going to church every Sunday but obviously it hasn't taught him how to be a compassionate person. I remember a verse from the bible that says, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." I think he needs to read the book again. I believe if God exists then they created trans people and Jesus loves everyone. They have always existed and it's not a trend. He tried to argue that they are just "seeking attention" but I don't believe that's the case. I think all humans can be attention seeking and that's just the way we are. He needs to stop hating people just because he doesn't understand them. He said that we will have to agree to disagree and I was so mad that I had to leave the room. I also don't think that was an appropriate conversation to be having at work period. I don't want to be forced to be around a transphobic asshole. I barely said a word to him the rest of the day. He says so many horrible things and thinks it's funny. I don't think he realizes how mean he is. He was talking about one of the surgical techs and couldn't remember her name so he referred to her as "the ugly bridge troll". He makes so many disrespectful comments about women. He told me he would leave his fiancée if she didn't shave her legs and I think that's shallow as fuck. He believes a man should make all of the decisions in a relationship and I don't agree with him. He is just so rude and has the biggest ego. He's always pissed about something. I know I have been complaining about him a lot but I am forced to spend hours of my life working with him by myself. I hate coming in to work in the morning now. I think maybe karma is starting to catch up with him because he has been having a lot of bad things happen to him. He has been having a health issue and may need to go on leave. I don't want anything bad to happen to him just because I don't like him but it would be nice to not be around him for a while. He said he is going to come back to work the next day after his procedure because he "lives to work". He's crazy and irresponsible. He also spends at least half of his day talking instead of working anyway. I already know his doctor isn't going to let him do that. He thinks it's fine for him to come in to work anyway and is expecting everyone else to wait on him and bring him stuff to do while he sits. I'm not doing that and that's a bad idea for so many reasons. I really need to stop talking about him but I have been bottling it up and he has been driving me bonkers. I am going to try to stay away from him as much as possible. I'm sorry for going on a rant.

Anyway, there was an add-on at 4:15 and that didn't get done until 4:45. I didn't leave on time because it took me a while to get everything cleaned up but it's ok. I'm so glad I'm home and that it's almost the weekend. I am feeling strange right now. I think I might be getting sick but I can't tell. I have a sore throat but it's not that bad so maybe I will feel better in the morning. I am very tired and achy though. I'm sorry I haven't been on here as much. It's hard to use my phone at work and when I get home I am so sleepy. I am probably going to order a new phone on Friday. I have fallen asleep several times lately with the light on and my keyboard in my lap. I think I need to go eat something really quick and get ready for bed. I need to relax because I have 32 cases tomorrow and it might be a rough day but I hope it isn't. I don't like Thursdays very much but I will try my best to make it a good day.

I hope everyone else has a wonderful day tomorrow!!! Thank you for listening to me vent because that means a lot to me. Talking about stuff usually helps me feel better. I love you all!!! :) 💖💖💖

[linakap]

Mini diary #4

Things have been amazing and horrible. Amazing bc I had an interview w harvard and it was better than good. She loved me and said some rly nice things that I think I needed to hear. Horrible and horrendous bc I feel extremely outcasted and stolen with no credit which, as u can imagine, really hurts. Not getting into that bc it’s too “salt in an open wound-y” to talk abt rn hahahaha.

Some famous guy asked me out yesterday and then none of my texts went through (I think) to him and if they did that was the fastest and only time I’ve ever been ghosted. And it still hurt my feelings a bit even after knowing him for only 20 min lol. He told me where he works/goes to school/ lives etc so I’m rly confused bc it seemed like he was genuinely interested but oh well. Timing wouldn’t have worked out anyway bc I’m leaving soon.

I’ve been rly sick with what I think is formaldehyde poisoning and winter allergies which has rly sucked and taken the life out of me, exacerbating the bad stuff that is coinciding my life.

I digress, I’ve been on my phone too much even without social media and after that interview and validation I need to focus more on my writing. I’m going to try and get SOMETHING published so fingers crossed.

I rly hope this sickness goes away soon so I can be more myself again, even though I’m not so sure that’s a good thing anymore. I’ve also been looking like shit recently but dear god hopefully it’s just the illness. Idk, tomorrow is a self care day for fucking sure—I’ll leave it at that.

Short and (bitter)sweet for ya. Kisses, be safe lovelies 🤭🤭🤭

[ecstly2]

hey it's len! (again). hopefully things go better this time around LOL. anyway... links:

about

ability

plots

like this to plot, and my old tldr under the cut for a quicker read

— bio

easton cho, born in canada and lived in his korean-canadian household pretty much right until starting uni. in his last year of compsci – thank god, because studying is so damn boring.

had the most amazing & supportive father, which almost made up for missing a mother. almost. neither parents had an anomaly, so after he was born his anti-anomaly mother couldn’t cope with trying to care for a baby she couldn’t see and dipped. it’s okay though, he doesn’t remember and doesn’t feel like he needs to.

grew up in a small port town, locals didn’t hate him but they didn’t love him. he had trouble learning about his anomaly at first. so they teased him by calling him a ‘ghost’ because of certain aspects of his invisibility that people could catch on to. like the faint shadows, footsteps, his form getting caught on camera.

but that didn’t bother him. he caught on from a young age that keeping his cool kept his visibility in check, too. he grew up to be pretty apathetic. not because he’d learned how to forgive and let go and all that peaceful stuff, but he realized it was just too hard to care for so many things all the time.

there was one thing he cared about though.

video games. why else would he pick a tedious, awful major like compsci. east was pretty chill most of the time but when he played video games he was a different person.

his favorite was league of legends. make of that what you will. bro gets tilted. it’s honestly refreshing to see him show some emotions when that happens.

later on his father suggested sua and east couldn’t find it in himself to argue or look for another promising school.

so off he went 👻

— personality

he is so chill. too chill. like when you get mad at someone because they just seem like they don’t care about anything– that’s east. be careful. if you missed your exit on the highway he wouldn’t tell you.

things just seem so easy for him because he doesn’t take anything too seriously. got a test tomorrow? no worries. he studied for 80 hours already and can lend you his flashcards if you need them. he just does what he’s gotta do. because if he doesn’t finish that first he can’t play video games. and his goal is to play the games.

90% of the time he’s like this. just living life. but there is the 10% where so much has built up he just explodes. in a good way or a bad way. nothing can hide forever, and emotions are no exception. 

so… he grew up in a male-only household. yeah. he doesn’t really know how to talk to girls. not in a misogynistic way you know but he’s pretty damn awkward at first. in fact, he’s probably awkward as hell to most guys too. he spent most of his social development years screaming at his teammates on league.

please try not to cry in front of him. he really doesn’t know how to make you feel better. a pat on the back? or like… offering you a tissue? he’s pretty apathetic, which doesn’t bode well for most of his past friendships, but he can’t help it. this doesn’t mean he’s ill-willed though. he does have morals. and tries to be a good person. but he’s probably not the best you’ll ever know.

— ability

he is kinda like a ghost sometimes.

sometimes he’ll stand really still and try to make the couch disappear with his intense focus. this has never happened though. but he won’t give up. 

switches in and out of invisibility pretty often as it’s gotten easy for him. and will probably forget which one he is if he doesn’t look down to check. 

but honestly he feels most comfortable when no one can see him. probably something to do with his pretty lonely past. 

sometimes he’ll photobomb normal human’s photos for fun. it is especially effective when they happen to believe in ghosts.

i’m not gonna lie invisibility is pretty self explanatory and simple. so to recap things that are different about his invisibility: only visual. can still be sensed with touch, smell, hearing. still emits body heat. still casts faint shadows in light. can be captured by cameras, infrared, etc. heighten perception can detect his presence too.

— plots

well of course gamers. someone who finds out just how tilted east can get.

study partner

maybe someone is in trouble and east holds their hand and now boom no one is there to be in trouble

east being a little creep & watching someone but they happen to have higher perception so they’re like wtf???

someone causing the 10%. east has never felt so many emotions in his life but your muse just pushed him over the edge

a ~romantic interest~ east is bi. but it would be interesting if he is in denial about the men part of it. not homophobic but maybe more self sabotaging. 

[stargazer-sims]

Fiscal year-end is HELL

I feel like I haven't accomplished much of anything this month, unless you count stuff for my IRL job. But, the official fiscal year-end is tomorrow, and we are DONE. (or at least I am... my boss is behind because he was ill with covid).

But anyway...

Re: Sims stuff - If I can gather up the motivation to do screenshots, I will have not one, but two Journal Entries this weekend. Well, it's actually parts 3 and 4 of entry #49, but you know. #50 and #51 are both partially written as well, so hopefully April will look a bit more productive than March did in terms of output.

Currently, Victor and Yuri (& supporting cast) are the characters front-and-center in my brain. They are demanding all the attention, so I'm just going to apologize in advance if you see a lot of random photo shoots and/or gameplays in the Willow Creek Haunted House. The Mt. Komorebi portion of their story is so close to being done, and I want to tie up the majority of the loose ends and get on to the lovely epilogue I have planned for them. (And then on to Willow Creek, of course). But, while I write, which I'm sure you've all realized by now that I do very slowly, I'll still be playing with them in their haunted house in my casual save.

ALSO... I'm dying to start Seiji & Sachiko's story... pardon the pun. Unfortunately, I don't think I can do it justice. It's absolutely epic in my head, and I think it'll just suck if I try to bring it to life here.

Meanwhile, just in case anyone thinks I abandoned it, I'm still planning on loosely telling the story of Sugar Valentine and their entourage, because that's been fun and the writing has been minimal. I'm going to let Nikolai and Anya have their real lives back too, because as funny as it was to see them as parents, I actually dislike infants more and more the longer I play with them. They're still cute, but as a gameplay point in Sims 4, they're annoying. Plus, I have the milestone glitch, so it feels kind of pointless if my infants can't advance.

At some point, I will return to Au Ciel Étoilé. I lost momentum somewhere along the way, but hopefully I'll get it back soon.

...and I'm back on my CC-making shit. I may have accidentally started a Part Two of the never-ending shirts. Oops.

[videostak]

am sooo sleepy 2day probably cause yesterday and the day b4 were so busy im still all tuckered out from it. tho i still dont kno for sure if im gonna be good to go tomorrow cause my mom said shes gonna pack at night late probably so ill see how that goes and how my sleep goes in general. if not its no biggie since like she obv has to pack so like thats just the way things are but i do hope i get up in a good mood tomorrow and can go. dont kno if im gonna get coffee tomorrow tho.. guess ill see how im feeling tomorrow morning. still dont even kno what im gonna wear tooo likee im def gonna have to wear shorts cause its been soooooooo hot lately just deadly scorching but dont kno exactly what shorts and shirt to wear... probably gonna look thru everything more later and decide what would be best given the weather and my mood n everything... am starting to wanna wear so many outfits out since i kinda feel more secure n safe abt everything now with the car and just my freedom to do my own thing n stuff like i wanna more stuff out and not give a fuck but ill see cause i am gonna probably be suuuper sleepy a bit in the morning while getting up and dressed and also cold but ill see.. i have a lot of outfits to wear with the shorts sso i have  alot to choooosse from. may end up wearing smthn basic tho like a t shirt with it. def gonna wear smthn with ssneakers tho i think. cause driving in doc martens isnt the most comfortable thing and like i dont wanna take any risks driving tomorrow. only drove with docs the paast two days cause i wanna get ussed to that so that when i drive stick i can switch to start only in sneakerss and like feel lighter driving. lol. but ya also am gonna rn try to do some more organizing of my room so i can rly be tired out by the time night rolls around and just sleep like a baby hopefully. if i cant go tomorrow thats totally fine tho cause like my mom is leaving so like thats gonna be happening and is no biggie. and like even if i dont go tomorrow im gonna be home alone and with probably just use sex toys the whole time LOL. like i rarely get any privacy to use them but since im gonna be home alone for a long time tomorrow ill probably try depending on how i feel and how my breakfast sitss with me :P anyways am gonna go cleaning mode rn i cant believe its already 6 the day legit went by real quick

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 9

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Worked on the previously mentioned tapestry style painting thing for like 5-6 hours today (with a few breaks in between), and that's just for the border around the main picture lol.. I think all the little sections and detail always take longer than I think they might. But hopefully the final product will look interesting! :0

I feel like I'm entering another Sick Phase where I just am weird/ill/sleepy/having joint pains much of the day (probably some vitamin deficiencies or hormone imbalances or general bodily inflammation or whatever nonsense seems to randomly pop up from time to time lol), so couldn't focus on anything more intensive like writing or editing videos, unfortunately. It's good to have smaller crafts I can do that don't take much mental effort and are just menial hand tasks (like carving, painting, sculpting, etc.), but I still always feel frustrated falling behind on the things I see as much more broadly significant to my overall life and potential career (making games, writing, finishing videos, socializing, costumes, etc.)

Organized my desk a little. Responded to some doctor emails. Paid bills.

Planned out something I might make with pressed flowers tomorrow.

Edited like 4 costume photos.

Also have a lingering sense of dread due to the weather. The heat often makes me feel terrible, and if I'm already in kind of a Bad Phase at the moment, I'm afraid of it making it even worse... stimky..

Which I know these temperatures are nothing to some people but.. to me... aUGHHHH... I am abnormally heat sensitive + live in a dinky old apartment with no ventilation that gets direct sun the hottest part of the day.. on a 90F day outside, it literally gets about 84F inside.. like.. even people who love the heat I feel like would struggle to sleep at night if their bed is 85F lol... hewwo.. You can spray yourself down with water, drink ice water, put a fan on yourself, etc. etc. but.. sometimes it just feels so oppressive and inescapable..

ANYWAY. Aside from painting, feeling weird, and dreading the upcoming heat/contemplating my entire life and how to get enough money to move to a different climate somehow one day/existential exhaustion/etc., I didn't accomplish very much lol

Spent maybe 30 minutes thinking about a little more worldbuilding stuff, and some things in reference to the game I mentioned resuming work on at some point.

Notable sights: The clouds were really pretty and pastel this afternoon, and some stars are visible in the sky for once since the nights are beginning to be clearer. The 'forget me not' flowers that I thought had died after transplanting actually seemed to be perked up and healthy looking today, and perhaps may actually survive. >:3

Goals moving forward: Do new poll adventure post. focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with the ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: Not much, kind of a warm day so didn't really want to use the oven. No idea how I'll handle the diet I've been put on by my doctors (involves usually cooking all food fresh, using the stove a lot, nothing is supposed to be canned or processed or premade, so that eliminates a lot of 'quick easy simple warm weather' meals, etc. etc.) during the heatwave. I might just have to break the diet a little and hope it doesn't give me stomach pains while I'm already hot and feeling sick lol..

I did have a boiled egg with some green onions on top, which is very simple but was refreshing somehow lol. Another ice cold ginger ale treat today, and some cold prune juice (which I know most people find gross/it's an old person food/etc., but I like that it's a smooth textured and not very sweet juice? Like it's slightly thicker than apple juice, has a lightly bitter taste, etc. I just find it nice for some reason. More evidence I am secretly an 85 year old wizard)