#so anyways i am literally always up for talking about parallels! thanks again for the ask! :)

[hyperfixation-or-death]

I’m heading to bed now, but please talk about parallels. We’re going to be besties bro

>:) yes, absolutely, thank you-

Here is a list of the most recent parallels thoughts I have had yesterday alone:

I want to put Romane Berthauds in a time loop. That's the entire thought. (I mean, I've drafted a post about this, but it. Does not sound normal. So.)

I could make a fic with four chapters, each of which features the small child version of a main character somehow ending up time traveling to interact with the present versions of the other three. It would not explain how that happened whatsoever, except that each chapter takes place in a different timeline. I almost certainly will not actually write this, but it's a fun idea.

Stupid AU where it’s the parallels characters but the plot and setting are. uh. Vaguely based on Greek mythology. (I have a bad habit of combining my interests into weird ideas, and I've been listening to Epic the musical, so now the parallels kids get swords. And angst, I guess.)

On that note, my Percy Jackson-inspired AU (which is separate from the aforementioned AU and also less nonsensical) has recently been haunting me to the point of me turning in a scene from it for a creative writing assignment a few weeks ago. I ended up writing double the amount I was supposed to, but I also got a hundred on the assignment, so. Who's the real winner here.

The direct contrast between Romane and Victor's first interactions with their respective parents after traveling back. "Mom. It's me. […] Mom, look at me. It's me. I'm your daughter. I can tell you recognize me." Romane being so confident that her mom will recognize her. She knows her mom will see her. She knows her mom will see her and know it's her. Whereas, Victor is fully confident that his dad won't recognize him. He's taking his opportunity to take out his frustrations with his father under the cover of anonymity. And he's halfway right, because Arnaud doesn't recognize him until Victor's up in his face, yelling about how Arnaud has always wanted to hit him. (Not even going to get into that; that's a whole separate post.) But when his dad recognizes him, Victor isn't expecting it. Idk where I was going with this.

Several years post-canon fic idea where the main four move in together after high school. I don't have any reasoning other than I think it would be neat. I have half of one scene and half of another scene written for this. (We could add them and pretend I've written an entire scene, but…there wouldn't be much point to doing that.)

I think the "I remember everything" line in the finale was…not true. I think the kids thought they did, for a few minutes. Then they realized there were some gaps in their memories, and some things were less sharp than others. And Romane, Victor, and Bilal all get flashbacks, but Bilal's are definitely the hardest to deal with, since his memories are the most complex due to the timeline stuff.

I think that, while post-canon Bilal does have a genuine interest in physics, he also knows that a huge reason he went into physics in the other timeline was to try and save Sam and Victor. And now that he doesn't need to do that anymore, he's left unsure of whether he should still go in that direction. It's a different timeline; he's supposed to do things differently, right? But then again, he doesn't want to make decisions based just on that, and he does like the idea of studying physics. But there's also the irrational worry that something like the night in the bunker could happen again, which he knows doesn't make a lot of sense, but the thought is still there. So his thoughts kind of spiral for a little while on the topic of career. He eventually decides to stick with the physics route, though, after giving it a lot of thought.

Something about Victor and Sam being only a year apart, while Romane and Camille are farther apart in age? Yeah, I had no further thoughts on that, I just think about sibling dynamics a lot.

I think Sam has a lot of issues as a result of his parents and their whole family dynamic, they just show up a lot more subtly than Victor's parental issues do.

I wish Sofia and Victor interacted more in the show.

I think Victor Deslandes has ADHD. (I say this as if I haven't said it a thousand times already) also I think he's aromantic. I already made posts about both headcanons but I like talking, so I'm mentioning them again!

and while we're restating headcanons: the same way victor's powers kind of serve as a tangible outlet for his emotions, with anger usually being the catalyst - i think romane's powers do the same thing, but the catalyst with her powers is more of a freeze response to panic. i think i have a post where i word this better, somewhere? idk.

also i think it's interesting how a version of alice and arnaud realized the true extent of the emotional damage they had caused, but it's just before the kids travel back. so sam and victor never get the full resolution there, because their parents will never know what the tension in their family actually led to. and i have specific thoughts on how this lack of satisfying closure is kind of a theme with victor's relationship with his parents, but i unfortunately don't have time to expand on that right now. but. the thoughts are somewhere in my drafts, so maybe i'll expand on that concept later.

And then there's the thoughts that are always in the back of my mind, which are: I would die for the parallels kids. I need to rewatch parallels. hey I think maybe I'll cry over Romane and Victor's friendship in particular today.

anyways, those are just a few of yesterday's thoughts off the top of my head. i'm sure i have better thoughts that i can't remember, but i wrote most of this at like three AM, so my thoughts are. scattered.

thanks for the ask!!! :)

[ca-suffit]

not directed at you but i hate this debate of “lestat is claudia’s mother” “no lestat is a patriarch and louis is his housewife” it feels grossly homophobic to me. they are queer men, you do not need to neatly categorise one as the woman/mother and one as the man/father and it feels really regressive how those with the former opinion deny louis’ fem traits and those with the latter deny lestat’s in order to fit their heteronormative reading of the family set up.

first, I want to say thank u for coming here to talk about this. I am v willing to discuss this but I'm about to say a lot that u might not agree with. It's not meant to attack u personally or shut down any conversations about things, so plz don't feel like u have to run off in response to what I'm gonna say. for u or anyone else, we can explore this. but I do hugely disagree with u and I'm gonna explain why.

I already talked about some of this earlier, so there's that. beyond that tho....the show *is* literally telling us in S1 what the family dynamic is. it's within canon. it's also from the perspective of louis himself, if not also claudia too at times. it can't be homophobic if it's the gay man himself framing his relationship like that. there's a lot of parallels made too between ownership of a wife (and child) and ownership of a slave and ppl always leave out the slave part of this convo (it's p much straight up a plaçage relationship tbh). it's all deliberately put there.

the *fandom* is being homophobic by insisting that *lestat* is "mother" bcuz that is a term with a specific history from black, gay culture. the fandom *has* been vocal about this too and been ignored so ppl can continue to call the white man "mother" anyway, just cuz they want to. cuz gay culture only matters to fandom when it's centering white men.

if this was a real problem about fandom's interpretations of homosexual relationships then why isn't anyone doing this for loumand? claudeleine? there's been other issues with how ppl discuss loumand but nobody is having this specific debate about them. so this isn't a real fandom problem. it's a reaction some ppl are having to what the show itself put in there, again *from* the perspective of the gay man himself.

[evilwickedme]

So if Superman is Moses and Captain America is David, do you think that Spider-Man is Job?

He's always miserable, with suffering piled upon suffering and loss piled upon loss. But he always has faith in the goodness of humanity and the righteousness of his duty. He maintains his faith throughout all of his trials, and that's what makes him a hero.

(I was thinking about how Judaism and Xianity see G-d differently, and more specifically how they see faith and obedience to G-d differently. In Judaism faith isn't about obedience, and G-d is often an allegory for the world just as the world is often an allegory for G-d — at least that's how I interpreted the fact that 90% of our prayers are thanking G-d for creating a specific aspect of material reality. So if the story of Job is, from a Jewish perspective, isn't about unwavering obedience to a single entity but instead about having unwavering faith in the goodness of the world, then it fits Peter Parker almost to a T, right?)

Wow ok I am SO pissed off that I wrote the answer to this for a full hour and now it's just fucking gone because Tumblr decided not to publish it when I hit post. What the very fuck. So I'm going to try to shorten what I wrote a little and hopefully it'll still make sense. But this is a great ask, for real.

Anyway. I feel like something that's been lost in my most popular posts is that my central thesis when it comes to the Jewish nature of superheroes is not that there's a 1:1 between every hero and a historical, mythological, or Tanakhi figure. The central thesis is, instead, that the very concept of heroism as presented in comics is tied to the Jews who created the genre; it's just very easy to demonstrate these kinds of concepts with direct allegories that have such clear parallels. I actually have a third secret parallel that'll probably never see the light of day, between Magneto and Aher (and like, does anybody even know who Aher is? he's not exactly a well known figure).

One of the reasons I haven't posted this comparison is that it is largely thematic, and therefore requires considerably more explanation, especially for goyim or those who aren't familiar with Aher's story (אלישע בן אבויה fyi if that means anything to y'all). But that's sort of my point - it's much easier to point that Superman is literally Moses and Cap and David serve very similar purposes as characters than to talk about the fact that superheroism is based in Jewish values and traditions: the very idea that heroes are meant to make the world better through action as opposed to sacrifice, the value assigned to every single life (he who saves one life etc), characters becoming better people over time rather than going through dedicated redemption arcs, etc (I can't remember what I wrote here and it's driving me nuts thank you very much for asking).

I gave a lot of context here to the difference between Golden Age and Silver Age writing here but honestly again that took forever and I don't feel like typing it all up, so I'll just point out the basic facts which are that the people creating the comic book industry in the late 30s and early 40s were desperate Jews trying to save their people across the ocean, and also were only about ten or twenty years removed from having lived in the Old Country themselves. Their life and culture was intensely Jewish, they'd grown up in specific Jewish tales. By the time we get to Spider-Man, the situation is entirely different. It's been 25 years of comics (Superman debuted in '38, Spider-Man in '63), and the Jewish foundations of comic books and heroism are already baked in to the genre. Yes, the industry is still overwhelmingly Jewish, but now the separation from a purely Jewish upbringing and Jewish separatism in the Old Country is forty years old. The attempt now is to specifically make stories that haven't already been told - for Spider-Man, the main concept was that there had never been a teen hero before who stood on his own - one that wasn't part of team like the fantastic four, or, more typically, a sidekick.

All these differences actually mean that the coding of these characters is very different. Superman being Moses was intentional; Cap was created as anti-Nazi propaganda. Spider-Man was and is Jewish because he is such a pure example of what Jewish heroism is. He's flawed, he's angry, but he can't help himself from trying to save... Well, everyone. It is, however, important to note that he debuted a long while before Magneto was confirmed Jewish (I don't actually know if he was the first, bc I'm having trouble finding that kind of info easily on the internet, but he's certainly one of the most notable Marvel Jews ever, and he was confirmed as a Holocaust survivor relatively early); it was a whole before Marvel realized you could make somewhat prominent characters Jewish, let alone heroes, and by then Spider-Man was one of their best selling characters, and they're still afraid to this day to alienate readers by confirming him as such.

But moving onto Job - I think I have a very different read of the Book of Job from you, but that's not surprising to me; the Book of Job is incredibly opaque, and I doubt that any two people will interpret it exactly the same. Also, I was raised Orthodox, and I often have very different perspectives on various Jewish things than the typical American Jew. Here's how I view it, though.

Firstly, Job absolutely does not maintain his faith throughout the entire story. Yes, initially he's presented as the most pure person ever, one who has never even been tempted to do a chet (חטא, closest translation is sin; another word would be aveira, which would best be translated as a transgression). And, indeed, it is not his deeds that lead to him losing everything; it is instead Satan who argues to test his faith by taking everything he holds dear away from his - his money, his cattle, his children, his health, his wife.

It's noteworthy, for any goyiche reader, that Satan in Judaism is not the Christian Devil who rules hell. He's an adversary, for sure, but he's more like an opposing counsel; his role is to argue for every human's guilt, especially when someone has committed a terrible aveirah. Forgive me for saying this, but he's essentially a devil's advocate. He can be viewed as the manifestation of yetzer hara on a wider scale (yetzer hara and yetzer hatov are the two natural impulses we all have in ourselves, the first to be selfish or to commit bad deeds and the other to commit good deeds and help others; this is a neutral fact rather than a condemnation of any person, and also I'm massively oversimplifying things here). Also, he's a tattle-tale.

Anyway, back to Job. Yes, at first he does maintain his faith, through the loss of his property, his children, even his health; his wife, before she dies, begs him to curse God, and yet he doesn't. But when she does die, he spends a chapter lamenting the day he was born, regretting that he wasn't stillborn. At first this doesn't look like a direct accusation at God, but it absolutely is, as God is in charge of life and death, but also evidence by the following:

So Job does lose his faith, because as far as he can tell, he has never done anything wrong in his life ever, and yet he has been cursed to grieve everything he has ever had, and he won't even die.

Most of the book is dedicated to dialogue between himself and three of his friends, who come to the common conclusion that he must have done something wrong to deserve this treatment. But Job remains adamant: I did not deserve this.

The general lesson that many people take from this book is that God works in mysterious ways, blah blah. But like... We know, in fact, exactly why this story happened. We saw it! We saw Satan advocate to try Job! So what's the point of the book?

The point is the Job keeps asking "why". The point is that Job hears that God won't forgive his friends, despite the fact they blame him for his misfortune, and he still chooses to pray for them. The point is that he refuses to take what has happened to him quietly. Not accepting that what happened to him was just, but not accepting others' injustice either.

Ugh. I phrased all of this way better in the first draft. I really truly hate this.

Anyway my point is that Job, despite being far richer than the average Jew by the standards of his time, actually is meant to represent a very common situation: what do you when bad things happen. Do you blame yourself, or do you blame God? Do you let other people beat you when you're down, or do you stand up for yourself?

And the thing is those themes are universal, but they're not really related to Peter Parker in particular. In the shallowest sense, the kind I used to compare Cap and David or Superman and Moses, they do not have similar stories or backgrounds. Job has everything, and he loses it all, and he mourns all of it, including the property and money; Peter Parker is working class, has never had enough money, but we see again and again that he views it as a tool rather than a goal in and of itself. Spider-Man's origin is about learning to battle your yetzer hara, your darkest impulses, and we see Peter again and again trying to do his best even though he's often being pulled by his instincts to use his power for selfish purposes. Job does not ever have to learn any such lesson; he never did anything wrong.

The one thing in common between the two stories is that they both believe that every life has value - well, if Peter is being written by a competent authors at least - with Job praying to save the men who are literally called the "resha'im", the evil ones, and with Peter being the little man's hero. But that can be said about most heroes, especially the notable ones. Hell, there's an entire double page spread dedicated to the concept in Batwoman: Elegy. This is more of another indication of Jewish values making their way into the foundations of superhero comics than it is a similarity between Job and Peter.

Also, I feel like I need to be clear. Our prayers thanking God for creating something? Traditionally are simply thanking God for creating something. I'm not saying you can't interpret it as a metaphor for the world if that's what works for you, if that's how you see God, but God was very literal to most Jews for thousands of years, and I could talk for ages and ages about the schools of thought regarding God and the world and Maimonides and shit.

Speaking of which, we need to discuss the fact that Job is literally just some guy. Like he's not a prophet, he's not a leader or a judge, he's just some rich dude who lost everything, mourned it, and then got it all back. I've talked about this before, but one of the foundational ideas of my thesis is that the similarity between prophets having powers (such as Samson but also really any judge being considered a higher authority despite not even communing directly with God) and superheroes invokes Maimonides' claim that the first degree of prophecy is the need to act for the better good, being unable to ignore the ills of the world and doing your best to fix them - that people who incapable of ignoring that urge (and Peter, despite his occasional selfishness, often prioritizes Spider-Man in his life specifically because of that urge) are possessed by the spirit of God. Literal prophecy, communing with God, cannot exist without this base level. So, in effect, Peter is significantly holier than Job.

Anyway. Again, I've definitely missed some points because of Tumblr's fuck up and I intentionally skipped most of the history lesson that gave a lot of context which I didn't feel like typing up again, but this is most of it. Sorry if this wasn't what you hoped for, but this was a really interesting thing to talk about anyway, and I'm very grateful you gave me the opportunity to think it over.

[misc-obeyme]

hi ur writing is literally amazing can i ask u some stuff regarding it/how you go about writing/advice? feel free to ignore this if its not something youre comfy with

were u ever nervous to post fic? i just posted my first one and am like. super embarrassed (i also have a Guilt Complex that influences that lmao). if so, did you find it easier as you kept writing?

also how the hell do you write endings/get the motivation for them? youre really good at tying things together nicely at the end (or the occasional Leave 'Em Wondering) and im curious about your process for it. i can pretty steadily get up to the scene i started the fic to write but after that brain and motivation go honk mimimi

anyways thank you for sharing your work with the internet! i love reading your stuff its always a highlight in my day :)

Hi there, anon!

So first of all, I absolutely LOVE questions about writing, so please always feel free to send me any you may have! I'm such a nerd, I really love talking about the process and I'm happy to discuss it or share advice and so on!

Secondly, omg you're so sweet! Thank you, I'm so glad you like my writing!

Now then, lemme answer your questions! I apologize in advance for the LENGTH of these answers, but I seem to be incapable of writing about this sort of thing without it turning into an entire essay.

Yes, absolutely, I was extremely nervous when I first starting posting my fics. Some of that may have been that I hadn't written fic in a while and I was nervous enough about sharing, but I was extra nervous about messing up characterization. I wasn't used to writing for characters that I didn't create myself. I got nervous again when I started posting smut, too lol.

The thing about this type of anxiety in general is that exposure therapy really is the cure. It's like that for a little bit at first, but the more you do it, the more you prove to yourself that it's no big deal. Nowadays, I have almost no anxiety when I'm posting something fluffy and even most smut pieces are easier for me to post, too.

Another piece of this is remembering that the reason you write fic is for your own enjoyment. You're putting it on the internet on the chance that someone else might like it, too. But really, you have to focus on the things that make you happy. It's easier to deal with posting anxiety if you keep your focus on the joy of creation rather than the adrenaline of sharing. It's hard to do, but it gets easier the more you do it!

Okay, so endings! Uh, here's a fun fact about me, endings are my weakness lol. I have a lot of practice starting things and then never ending them because I absolutely get bored at a certain point. So I know exactly what you mean by the brain going to honk mimimi land.

For me, the trick was to write short stuff. Most of my fics are just scene length. This allowed me to get some practice with writing more endings because I didn't get bored when I was pretty much just writing one scene. So I found a couple things that I like to do for endings specifically, but then I also discovered a way to sort of keep my brain engaged while writing longer stuff.

It kinda all comes down to what you want to leave the reader with. That final paragraph or sentence can really deliver an impactful emotion. So you kinda have to think about what the rest of the scene is about, what specific feeling do you want the reader to have when they get to the end? If you're not sure, you can also frame it as what kind of feeling do you want to have at the end?

One technique I like to use is tying everything back to the beginning. I've used it multiple times, but it's probably most obvious in this Barbatos drabble. The first and last sentences are the same, but you don't have to be that blatant about it lol. That was mostly a stylistic choice. But if you look at the third paragraph and the last paragraph, they are parallels of each other, but they're different. What they convey is that something has changed by the end. So by repeating pieces of the beginning at the end, I'm deliberately illustrating what changed in the middle.

It's like thinking of the ending as a sort of summary of everything that happened in the middle of the story. If you're writing something longer, you can apply this to individual scenes as needed. But you might end up with an entire scene at the beginning and an entire scene at the end that do the same thing (rather than a couple of paragraphs).

Another thing I like to do is leave an implication of further action that isn't included. Something like "You wouldn't leave his room until morning." or maybe "You had a feeling something like this would happen again soon." Like this isn't really the end, but the rest is up to your imagination!

This is more specifically about the last paragraphs/scene/sentence, though. It's good to think of a way to recall the entirety of the story you just told, leaving the reader with the overall feeling you were going for.

But when it comes to longer stories, if you're finding you make it to one scene and then stop, well, that might be the end of your story. For this kind of thing, it really helps me to think about what the end game of the story is. For instance, in my longest fic, The Threads That Bind, I knew it was a Barbatos x MC love story. So the "end" couldn't happen until they had confessed their feelings to each other. A lot of other stuff happened before that, but it all contributed to that final plot point. And there isn't much story after that. The final scene is their confession. (There is a spicy epilogue, but that was just a bonus lol.)

So if you can decide before you even start writing what the goal is, you can write to that goal, filling in a bunch of cool scenes along the way. It doesn't have to be that you know exactly what happens or what the final scene is. When I started writing Threads, I had no idea how the confession was going to go. I just knew that Barbatos and MC had to end up declaring their love somehow.

But I tied that into the rest of the story with the theme of the threads. It was a visual anchor as well as a metaphorical one - magic let them see threads binding them together, but the feeling of belonging to each other was kind of the point of it all. So I was able to take that concept that I'd already used and incorporate it into the final confession scene.

NOW THEN all of this might also be easier if you're an outline type of person, but I most definitely AM NOT. Other writers swear by an outline and you'll probably find a lot of information on how to use one if you Google it.

But outlining for me is like pulling teeth, so I never do it. I write my first draft in a fever dream, with the end goal and a handful of ideas about overall themes and a couple things that I just think would be cool or fun to write. I spend a lot of time daydreaming about the story first, too, but I don't write anything down until I'm writing that first draft.

I could probably write a whole book on my methods for writing, but my biggest piece of advice for this kind of thing is EXPERIMENT.

The best part about writing is that aside from the basic fundamentals (spelling, grammar, sentence structure, etc), there are NO RULES. So if you're finding you're always struggling with finishing, try out anything and everything that might help you with that. Try writing outlines, try not writing outlines, try ending your story with the scene you were working toward, try thinking of a new scene you want to write as the ending scene. If it works, great! If it doesn't work, no problem! Just chuck it and try something else.

Sometimes the best thing for me to do is to ask myself what would be the most fun to write next? And then just going for it. My opinion is that you can always edit things later!

Anyway, I hope some of that helps! I'm sorry I really rambled quite a bit, but like I said, I love talking about this kind of thing lol.

Good luck, anon, and I believe in you!

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Hello.

You and gay-jesus-probably have successfully made me question everything with your view that Tears of the Kingdom is imperialist propaganda, so that's been fun.

Anyway, I decided to share this discussion with the Zelda fans on reddit, and perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of them disagreed. Here is what they said (I'm Alarming_Afternoon44):

So what do you think? Have I and all these other people just been duped by the game's manipulative framing? Or do they actually have a point?

And if you'd rather not answer this, or would prefer if I censored the usernames, just tell me and I'll delete this.

Hey! Thanks a lot for reaching out, and I'm glad it made you think stuff through!!

Honestly, as I mentioned in this post, I am not super interested about in-world conversations about who oppresses who, because what can be assessed from the game is super vague and more vibes-based than evidence-based. Within the text, of course that the Good Zonais are good and the Bad Ganondorf is bad! But that's my whole point! The narrative has been deliberately crafted so that the zonais and Rauru (and Hyrule) are as blameless as possible (and it's not doing a great job at it overall to be frank; we would not be having these conversations about how offputting it all feels for a non-zero number of people if it did do a great job). More importantly, I want to focus on what sort of real-life narrative it all parallels. Because people make stories, and people live in the real world.

Not going after everyone's throat here, gamedev is hard and the hydras that are AAA game production do end up doing super weird stuff, especially since the thematic ramifications are absolutely never prioritized (and it's also always the same kind of people who make the final calls and push out what can and can't be talked about also). And as fans, we tend to have trouble stepping outside the lens of lore and take a look at the bigger picture sometimes; not as an attack on any individual part of that decision-making process but to just pause, stop, and question our standards, our priorities and the kind of reality (or skewing of reality) the stories we tell each other reflect.

Again: do we want to take videogames seriously or not? If we do, then we need to accept they are a vehicle for ideology, just like any other artform. And sometimes, you push out questionable ideology, sometimes without meaning to, because you didn't unpack your own biases as you did. And it's even fine to do it, nobody is perfect, a 300+ people team spread over 6 years certainly will not be that. But that it wasn't prioritized is, in my opinion, a problem. As a narrative designer, I want games (at least the narrative side) to be held to a higher standard than this. It's literally my job to work with the industry so it can hold itself to higher standards of quality --so the whole TotK situation is quite frustrating to witness from a very pragmatic, work perspective where I already spend my days trying to convince people that things mean things. I have a vested interest here in not having the companies I work for being given a free pass by gamers to do literally whatever as long as it's fun, especially when we're talking about a billion-dollars company suing its own fans left and right for any perceived slight. Nintendo are not underdogs here. It's fine to point out they cut corners and maybe promoted messy ideologies, voluntarily or not.

So long story short: no I don't believe anyone here has a point in regards to what I think is actually important, which is why these choices were made in the first place. If you look at an imperialist text expecting the text to tell you that it's imperialist instead of recognizing a framing used for propaganda by yourself, you're never gonna find any imperialist text ever, obviously not!! I'm sorry if I sound a little gngngn here, but I don't know why audiences have, at large, this feeling that lore and story beat decisions materialize themselves already formed and without any human bias, meddling, intervention, internal politics or approximations (it seems that people can only conceptualize this part if they have actual names to attach to the story, but without clear authors it's like there are no authors and so no bias, which is... a very strange bias in itself). I can promise you that it does not work that way in practice: every narrative department on every big game is a battlefield --some nicer than others, but all of them very emotionally draining either way.

So yeah, I guess that on these grounds, I disagree with every point raised here. Sorry Reddit :/

But thank you for the ask and sorry if I didn't go more into details as to why. The big Why I Dislike Rauru Post and the Gerudo Post might have some more specific rebuttals, but I am not super interested in debating small detail stuff tbh. I feel like it's no use if the frame of reference isn't being understood in the first place.

[serve-cunt]

HIIII ZOE ITS MY IRRITATING ASS AGAIN (this is my main blog, I have tennis and f1 sideblogs but don't know how to make the ask come from there, I haven't been on tumblr in FOREVER..)

anyway my little curious gremlin ass has YET MORE QUESTIONS

ALSO I COMPLETELY FORGOT CHALLENGERS WAS COMING OUT, IM SO DAMN EXCITED FOR THAT FUCK YEAH, we LOVE zendaya she's gonna serve (pls laugh) cunt

okay so i think picking out my favourite players will be easier if I relate them back to f1 drivers, makes em seem more familiar, so if I do like a checklist of sorts of driver types, can you match them up to players you think fit the vibe?????

e.g. is there a former champion (lewis/fernando coded) who's looking for a comeback? is there a young talent who's had bad luck but is on the rise (lando) is there a calm, level headed one that everyone thinks will go far (oscar) is there a charming elegant one that social media is obsessed with (charles my babygirl). im assuming djokovic is the max verstappen adjacent, fairly young dude who's smoking everyone, yeah?

just like ugh I LOVE f1 so dearly and i think sporting parallels will help SO much

question: is it a big money sport like f1? Obviously anyone can pick up a racket and hit a ball, but is it very expensive and exclusive to make it into the big leagues? you mentioned smth in the fic about oscar adding up the whole cost of going pro, would that be a huge problem for poorer families?

are there any player pairings with vaguely homosexual vibes? again with the damn f1 parallels but adjacent to max/charles, carlos/lando, even lewis/nico if I dare mention brocedes, because I just absolutely live for speculation of silly little goofy athletes' relationships with each other

here's where I get REAL shallow but fuckin sue me, WHICH ARE THE PRETTY ONES I CAN SIMP OVER. i am bi so that doubles the market, but basically which are the ones that i can watch edits of and get all giggly and blush over, in your opinion and in the general tennis community's opinion.

whats andy murray's deal? Is he retired? Is he like the sebastian vettel of tennis?

how dramatic is it compared to f1? we all know that f1 is gossip girl on wheels... is tennis gossip girl running around a court or is it less drama-fueled?

not a question but I'm so excited to see which f1 drivers turn up to Wimbledon this year like, CROSSOVER EPISODE YEAAAA

is djokovic the max-esque guy where it's like "okay I don't mind you, you're cool, but god DAMNIT, stop being so good, let my other favourite little meow meows have a CHANCE for once"

how worldwide is it? are players mostly European/Aussie like f1 or is it more widespread?

is the meme game good? i LIVE for online hilarity in sports, are there any iconic tennis moments/memes a la "it's near a fish" "smoooth operator" "bwoah" etc etc whatever

really gotta stop talking about f1 in terms of tennis but it's the only other sport I'm really into IM SORRY FORGIVE ME

which are the "sad wet cat" (dearly beloved) players? you mentioned one guy but there's gotta be more than one right??? I always get attached to athletes with those vibes

IM SO SORRY ABOUT THE CONSTANT QUESTIONING BUT YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I TRUST TO GIVE ME CORRECT INFO RN BECAUSE YOU REALLY SEEM LIKE YOU KNOW YOUR SHIT

finally a HUGE FUCKING THANK YOU???? For putting up with my idiot ass mostly, and your fic is singlehandedly making me wander into the tennis world despite knowing literally nothing and you're helping my understanding SO much, youre about to drag me down this sport's rabbit hole just by existing. tennisblr seems like such a fun adorable place im SO excited to start watching stuff, you're a legend and ilysm <3333

you are literally NEvEr irritating you are the best thing to happen to my inbox every time, sorry i was so slow on this one!! I had a very hard time relating f1 drivers to tennis players lmaoooo so in the end i just skipped that part!! I'm so sorry!!! it's just so hard because the narrative of f1 drivers is so specific and intrinsically tied to TEAM and to their teammates, and to the tragedy of a good car and/or the wonder of a great car ... the betrayal of contract negotiation & silly season etc.... tennis just doesn't really have that!! all the narratives are more player v. self and player v. world, instead of driver v. driver and driver v. fate. if that makes sense??

so yeah. sorry 😭😭 it's also possible that I just don't have enough imagination and somebody can jump in to help with that .... anyway, moving right along to

"is tennis a big money sport"

GOD yes. tennis is soooooo expensive, it takes approx 1 billion dollars to pay for lessons, court time, coaching, travel, accommodation, gear, etc etc. :// You get paid if you win. let me say that again: you get paid if you WIN. there aren't salaries! early in your career, you are HEMORRHAGING money, esp if you have a coach. the travel is fricken expensive all by itself!! and if you're paying a coach as well you're either in debt or you're playing with house money if you catch my drift. (tennis players often come from wealth, much like f1 drivers — they can also be sponsored, sometimes by their country, but usually only if & while they're successful!!)

if you do well, you start to win, maybe you make money, more likely you're breaking even for a while (or even still losing). if you do REALLY well, then you're looking at more prize money and maybe sponsors, so then you can start making some real money out of this. but yeah it's CRAaaaaaazy how much money tennis players pay to play tennis lol!! it is 10000% a problem for getting underprivileged kids into tennis, there's a reason tennis is so white!

"are there any player pairings w vaguely homosexual vibes"

LOLLLL look i never turn down a chance to push the sincaraz agenda but also, carlos alcaraz does that for me!!!!

they're so cute damn

also getting into sinner/berrettini …

but honestly, besides that?? f1 is way better for pairings because we watch them interact with each other off track WAYY more. you barely see tennis players interact with each other! i have been emailing the respective tennis associations about this (jk but I should). MORE GOOFY VIDEOS WITH PLAYERS DOING STUPID GAMES (with each other, crucially)

"which are the hot ones"

ooohh this is suuuper subjective but i am soOOOoo into coco gauff, she's gorg, also iga sviatek in red, also daria kasatkina, also maria sakkari really does it for me, also katie boulter is so cute.

hot damn

on the atp side oBVI jannik, carlitos is so cute but he looks so young i feel like he's less hot and more adorable, caspar ruud looks like ryan gosling as you have pointed out, ben shelton is gorgeous (and cocky in a way that unfortunately does compel me, oops), arthur fils!! beautiful. tennis players are all hot, in my mind??? they're so …. well rounded …. 😏😏😏

"which are the "sad wet cat" players"

andrey rublev my beloved sad cat

muchova (not really a sad wet cat but tragically always broken in some way)

daniil medvedev but if the cat was cunty

"whats andy murray's deal?"

oh my GOD murray!! my love my husband my father my holy ghost!! a tragedy a triumph …. a player in the era of the Big Three (Djokovic, Federer, Nadal) and therefore destined to be remembered as "oh, and andy murray" … or "one of the big four" (the big four is not a thing unless you're talking about andy murray lmao) ... a great player, one of the greatest, a slugger, a workhorse, had one of the cleanest backhands of all time, and the classiest guy in tennis … see: andy murray shutting down sexist reporters on multiple occasions ....

He's not retired !! he's still going, here he is recently losing:

He's actually (possibly) playing at this upcoming Challenger Tour event! as are a number of interesting players. the reason that this is interesting is that Challenger level tournaments are a level below the ATP Tour, so you don't often have this many recognizable (to me, anyway) names playing at this level!

[side note: the movie Challengers — the name is a play on the Challengers tour. they're playing a Challengers match in the movie, but also "challenging" each other for zendaya … you get it]

Anyway this tournament should be interesting … andy murray is getting older but he's not ready to quit!! he's gone on the record saying there are things he's still trying to accomplish before he retires, and he's playing well in practices it's just not translating to matches yet. he's also said if his body tells him to retire he will, but uhh. he's got a literal metal hip so clearly he's not QUITE ready to listen to his body.....

"is he the seb of tennis" HMMMM this is an interesting question, I wouldn't really class him this way — seb is like a silly little sexy fruity goblin (if I'm reading his vibe correctly — I'm late to f1) and andy is a stoic public school kid with a goofy streak … if that makes sense …

"how dramatic is tennis compared to f1?"

ALSO INTERESTING I think that's sort of relative to how much you care about individual players, I think game-play is pretty dramatic at times but nobody's ever in danger of bursting into flame??? so in that sense not as dramatic as vroom vroom sport lmaoo but there is a bit of temper tantrum throwing, and then important wins (see: Alcaraz Wimbledon 2023) are SO dramatic in the best way…

gossip-wise I don't think it's as dramatic as f1!! there's deffo tennis gossip but I think, again, because there aren't teams, the drama is less wrapped up in "betrayal" narratives yknow??? like ferrari ditching sainz for lewis was dramatic in so many different ways, not LEAST because of the betrayal of carlos. I feel like tennis is less set up for that, bc it's every player for themselves

"is djokovic the max-esque guy where it's like "okay I don't mind you, you're cool, but god DAMNIT, stop being so good, let my other favourite little meow meows have a CHANCE for once"

YES EXACTLY i cut in your whole q because that's exactly right!! so so so apt imo .. howEVERRR it was less correct when federer and nadal were still around and at their best, because those three really did make up the Big Three, capital B capital T, and they had such a good dynamic going between the trio — it was less one-note when djokovic had a constant fight on his hands... now djokovic is older and slowing down so we're getting into a sunset period, which is interesting because he's still doing GREATTT (and I wish he would stop, give my meow meows a chance etc) but everyone sees the light at the end of the tunnel re: a djokovic retirement. whereas I think people are looking at the max ascendancy and saying "GULP" bc we all want our favorite boys to win at least one WDC (cough lando cough cough osc)

"how worldwide is it?"

fairrrrly? but yes europeans heavvvvily represented, americans as well to some extent, asia and australia to some extent — not so stark as f1, but def same bougie euro vibes lmao

"is the meme game good?"

again fairrrrrly but def not to the same extent!! less of a "here are the memes everyone knows" and more in the spirit of, like, if you're following a few players & the major tournaments, tennis tumblr/twitter is fun to be on … trying to think of a "classic" tennis meme and I can't which isn't a good sign lmaooo .. jannik puking in a bin and then going on the biggest win streak of his career is a pretty good meme in my mind though ...

CROSSOVER EP YAAHHHHHHHH I CANNOT WAIT WE BETTER GET SO MANY GOOD WIMBLEDON PHOTOS AJHFDLAKSJFHDKLASJFH

sorry again to be so slow !! this was fun to go through as soon as I stopped tearing my hair out trying to make player: driver comparisons but again, maybe I'm just not creative enough ..

xx ily :))))))

[jackiebrackettt]

ok so i hope you know that I will forever be ill about williams perspective on ghostkicks. literally the only reason that William has any semblance of hope left for the heroes is because of dakotas existence. Ever since season 1 he’s been admiring Dakota and saying that he’s the most hero of them all. He thinks that without Dakota it would all just go wrong; that if he went down everything else would too. He thinks dakotas the best of them all. the almost unbreakable trust between them. The promises to stay alive. season 2 William was so so happy to see Dakota again he said he never wants to lose him ever again. Literally saved up buy-1-get-one-free pizza coupons for ten months just for the possibility of Dakota coming back even though Dakota didn’t say when he was coming back. Such an insignificant thing really but he just cares so much for Dakota. Not even mentioning williams new complication to literally do anything for Dakota because of how indebted he feels to him. there’s just so much i couldn’t possibly put it all into one post. going through all the episodes again and being SICK because literally wtf. and Dakotas perspective. he just trusts William so much he does stuff he would normally never do because he believes in him. he's always asking for his guidance he trusts williams brain more than he trusts anything else.the absolute denial Dakota was in in s1 ep19 they're my favorite 3rd thing. don't even get me started on the falling parallels between them I'll cry. anyways thanks for coming to my Ted talk now how does it come crumbling down in episode 33

THEY’RE SO!!!!! also that ep where they were fighting the lava guy(?) and Dakota tried to come up with a plan to subdue him bc it’s what william would do (even though it’s Not what he did lol) and him being super happy that william was proud of him for that.. i don’t have much to add rn they’re just sooo… !!! and yeah can’t wait for it come crashing down in 33 o(-(

I am excited though! their differing moralities but the way they compromise for each other has always interested me so i’m wondering where the line is and what’ll happen when they hit it :] it’ll also be interesting if maybe Dakota and Vyncent “team up against” william since usually Vyncent and William’s morals are more similarly aligned

[cohendyke]

1, 31, 33!!

thank you sid <333

1- comfort characters

ough… there are so many… kendall roy (i know..) kyle and stan from south park, ellie (i’m not going to lie she’s based on me basically. not only name and lesbianism but i have an uncle named joel) dina, and joel from the last of us, edward little from the terror, ivan and alyosha karamazov from the brothers karamazov all of the trailer park boys, elaine benes and george costanza, louis ironson, prior walter, and harper pitt from angels in america, sansa stark, lexi from euphoria. those are the main ones.. there are probably more though <3

31- music you find grounding?

ohh. this is going to turn into music recs in general because i am listening to music 24/7… i’m gonna list artists and best albums/songs that help me relax <3

george harrison my #1 fave ever… best calming/grounding albums: all things must pass, living in the material world, self titled, 33&1/3! also the songs long long long, here comes the sun, something from when the beatles were together…

i've been listening to a lot of leonard cohen lately.. he literally did have such a way with words it's actually insane... my fave albums are songs from a room, songs of leonard cohen, i'm your man, and songs of love and hate. hallelujah, anthem, take this waltz, dance me to the end of love are also some songs i find relaxing..

i've also gotten back into k.d. lang recently.. always been a fan because her voice and my mum has taste but she’s just soo. well. u know... anyway my fave albums of hers to put on and zone out to are shadowland (top five albums ever to me...), drag, ingenue, and hymns of the 49th parallel (makes me sooo homesick.) not to keep talking about it all the time but her hallelujah from the 2010 olympics is the best ever like. wow woman amazing also related.. case/lang/veirs is a gorgeous folk album... ok time for this dyke to shut up

simon and garfunkel. literally my gay uncles. love bridge over troubled water and parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, and sounds of silence. love mrs robinson and save the life of my child too.

that's probably it! or at least as far as im going to go in this post to save everyones dashes from an insanely long post... anyway.

33- last adventure you went on!

hm! two weeks ago i took the bus around my city by myself to go thrifting and stuff, actually the first time i took the bus since i came to university. another one was in november when i went to vancouver to present research all by myself and then ended up going all the way to nova scotia, again by myself. highly recommend traveling by yourself whether to thrift in your city or go back to the motherland because it is actually so healing <3

thanks again sid <3333

send me random asks!

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

2022 Writing Year in Review

thank you for the tag @northerngoshawk!! 💕

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 18

2. Word count this year: 172,404 words! we could get really technical and subtract the word counts for the fics i technically wrote in 2021 but typed/posted in 2022, but that’s a lot of work i don’t feel like doing lol

3. Fandoms I wrote for: ATLA, Law & Order, MCU (+ Venom), Monk, and Medium. not sure i want to know what that says about me...

4. Pairings: petermj (mcu), allison/joe (medium), kincoy (claire/jack from l&o), zukaang (atla), tylara (atla), mjflash (mcu), and kataang (atla). a nice mixture!

5. Stories with the most:

Kudos: Walls (my mj&flash friendship fic) comes in first with 114 kudos

Bookmarks: Walls comes out on top again with 29 bookmarks!

Comment threads: this thing of darkness (i acknowledge mine), my mjflash + venom!flash fic, has the most comment threads by far with 47, the result of a small but loyal following of readers who made my day every time they commented 💛

Word count: by a hair, The Wrong Note (my monk x medium crossover) has the highest word count at 37,630 words! this thing of darkness (i acknowledge mine) has 37,011 words

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): im proud of all my works for different reasons! today i shall spotlight my children will listen series, consisting of two waterbending-centric fics narrated by kanna and katara respectively; both stories explore cultural loss and intergenerational trauma. i’d never written companion pieces prior to that point, so im proud of how i was able to construct those parallel narratives! i also had a blast reworking one of my favorite shel silverstein poems to weave throughout the story

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): ?? this is a silly question. fanfic is my hobby, im not writing it for journal publication. onto the next one!

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: literally Every review i got on the children will listen series; i had no idea how impactful those fics would be or how many people would relate to it, but im so glad i ended up writing and publishing them! i also have to shoutout ocean’s review on time apart, time together (the tylara fic i wrote for her bday 💛) bc she truly Understood that story through and through, and i am equal parts delighted and relieved that she did (since it was written for her 💕)

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: i mean, im a college student. i almost never write fic during the semester, lol. i Literally haven’t written fic since,,,, august 2022. (technically i could have written some fic these past few weeks BUT it’s the holidays so i’ve been spending time with family + revising my research paper + loosely working on some original writing)

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: BRUH all of my law & order fics surprised me 😭 come on, babe (why don’t we paint the town?) contains Thee sexiest scene i’ve ever written; find a flask (we’re playing fast and loose) is written SOLELY from jack’s pov (a 50-year-old white man, how low have i fallen); and it was more than worth it (my kincoy magnum opus) was my first foray into nonlinear storytelling. all in all, 2022 was quite an experimental year for me!

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: i’ve talked to death my favorite excerpt from it was more than worth it, so instead i’ll spotlight an excerpt from if memories could fade away (my mj birthday fic):

Ned sticks his tongue out at her, and MJ responds in turn before opening the door anyway, because he’s Ned and she’s MJ and it’s always been just them, the two of them, eight years going on eighteen.

“Damn, girl, you live like this?” Ned says as he enters, watching where he steps so he doesn’t trip over one of her many piles of everything—textbooks, clothes, journals, old CDs too scratched to use that will soon become the basis of MJ’s next art project: voices we no longer hear.

She remembers getting each CD, starting with Let Go on her tenth birthday, back when she lived in New Orleans and always kept her curly brown hair in symmetrical cornrows or cropped at the base of her neck because of the suffocating humidity. She remembers taking each CD and ripping the music to her computer so her dad could move it onto her tiny red MP3 player for the long, long ride to Queens that began the next day. She remembers two CDs breaking during the drive and one CD breaking when they arrived because she threw it at the wall of her empty new room, angry, so angry she’d been ripped from her home like music from a shiny silver disc and it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair—

“You see, guests usually stay downstairs,” MJ teases, pushing aside a pile of clothes so Ned has room to sit on her bed. She takes a seat at her desk, spinning the chair around to face her dearest friend. “If I’d known you were planning to invade my personal space, I might have considered making my living arrangements more presentable.”

Ned snickers. “Considered, and then not done a damn thing about them?”

MJ winks at him. “You know me so well.”

Ned has known her so long, known her messy room, known her impenetrable walls, known her since she was thrown into a new school in a new city expected to make new friends when Michelle knew even at ten that would never happen, not that year, because 5th graders had already chosen their loyal companions five, six, seven years ago and there was no room for a Black girl to fit into a white noise machine that already hummed along without her.

Her parents sent her to school anyway. She must not have been persuasive enough.

MJ MY BELOVED!!! 🥺💛 i enjoyed playing with sentence length/rhythm and metaphors/similes in this fic, and i think this excerpt in particular captures that experimentation

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: hmmmm well i tried my hand at some action sequences in this thing of darkness (i acknowledge mine), which probably counts for something. and like i already mentioned, it was more than worth it was my first foray into nonlinear storytelling (and a lot of people told me they enjoyed it!) + if memories could fade away involved stylistic experimentation. in other words, i think i grew as a writer simply by letting myself try new things, from how i told stories to what content i included within them!

13. How do you hope to grow next year: i just want to write more, honestly. the more i write, the more i can try, and hopefully the more i’ll grow! to be more specific, i want to try my hand at some sci-fi/near-future dystopian original stories (à la kazuo ishiguro’s klara and the sun)

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): probably ocean and ambi! they always put up with my fic-related ramblings, are wonderful to bounce ideas off of, and by virtue of their existence (and enthusiasm) remind me why i love writing fic in the first place 💛 in terms of non-tumblr influences, haha, reading the promise by damon galgut was a GAME CHANGER for me. third person omniscient with no quotation marks?? the entire story is an allegory for post-apartheid south africa?? a stylistic and thematic MASTERPIECE. i can only dream of writing a novel with such artistic daring

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: lol this thing of darkness (i acknowledge mine) is packedTM with shakespeare references and milton jokes; if memories could fade away explicitly mentions one of avril lavigne’s albums (seen in the provided excerpt); won’t you hang a picture? references nancy drew; and Walls involves a whole project about the picture of dorian gray. when narratively appropriate, i never hesitate to sneak in my own interests 😂

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: write for fun! write what you love! don’t be afraid to experiment! listen to the incredibles soundtrack while you write! read, read, read! write with a cat on your lap! never delete anything! write when you’re inspired and write when you’re not! if it brings you joy to create, then what you create is good enough!

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: honestly, i want to focus on my original writing and my research more, so i may not have as much time for fic. that said, i hope to write:

a sequel to this thing of darkness (i acknowledge mine)

the next part of my mcu medium!au

ml fic in general

atla fic in general

time will tell!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: i know a lot of people have been tagged for this already, so apologies if im bombarding you or if you’ve already done this! i’ll tag @justoceanmyth, @ambivalentmarvel, @seek--rest, and @shifuaang :)

[shiraishi-kanade]

Thank you for fixing the asks! Anyway 💎 🍭🔔🏳️ for the writing ask game if thode aren't too many!

Thank you for pointing that out! Because I would never notice myself, even though this exact thing has happened before. Head in hands.

So!

💎 - What’s a WIP idea you’ve really enjoyed writing?

Several!

"Everything Moves" is definitely the work I've had the most fun writing as of late. It went in a completely different direction than I originally planned for it (I actually wanted to skip the entire performance part - imagine that! I'm really glad I didn't!) After I decided to write the performance anyway, even though I wasn't confident about it at all, my mind took than as an opportunity to nerd out about classical music and I was just! So! Happy! To put in all those little musical details! I genuinely hold it very close to my heart because of how much I could just talk about something I genuinely really love, and have it fit the narrative pretty well too. While difficult technically, I enjoyed every moment of writing it, including studying the concerto and its structure!

"Fire with Fire" is another one. It's just so... Cathartic to me in so many ways. Most importantly in the "don't think, just write" one - I think that day I just realized if I couldn't get myself to write, then I'll probably never start writing again. I still like how it turned out despite the flaws.

Also, "Hollow Bones". This is a bit of an older one, but I think it still holds up pretty well, even though I typically get incredibly self-critical about everything I write in like... a week I finish it. I was going into surgery and literally wrote a giant chunk of it in the waiting room to take the stress off. Another one of "just write" moments for me - somehow I always feel like anything I write in that mindset turns out pretty well.

"lingering" is also an older one, but I really liked working on a gift like that. Picking every word with the intention of "oh, I'm gonna break her heart with this, she's gonna love it" was very exciting.

🍭 - Favorite things to write about

Friendly rivalries! I really like a good set of rivals that have good sportsmanship and push each other even further. I don't think it shows up much in my writing before I haven't actually posted that much, but my OCs have that trope a lot.

Also, narrative parallels. Character foils, similar situations that turn out differently because of characters' different reactions, all that. So hard to write but so satisfying to see the reaction.

Music!

Also misunderstandings and close proximity tropes, because I am weak.

🔔 - What compliment meant the most to you regarding your writing? (offline or online)

I'm actually so overwhelmed with positive response right now! Definitely in a good way, but also, woah. Thank you all so much! I'll definitely get back at all your comments when I find the right words. I'm very grateful!

I think at the moment what hit me most is my violinist friend I mentioned a couple posts back saying this. (And also many more nice words that I'll not mention for the sake of privacy)

I was fully prepared to face criticism even though I don't really handle it well, but his comments were so positive! I feel honoured.

Thanks again if you're reading this, friend!

🏳️ - Favorite way you have described something in your works

Hard to say! But this passage from "lingering" regarding An's character comes to mind:

"The fierce, raging fire has matured into something else; just as bright and warm, but calmer, steadier. A flame that won't go out easily or run out of air; a goal and a path ahead rather than a distant dream. Haruka wishes she was there to witness it."

I still like how it flows!

Thank you so much!! Sorry I went on a rant haha (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

[averagejoesolomon]

okay, so I know you're deeply into Full Circle, but I've been doing so much research with the original series and The Listen Series again lately and I just had to come yell at you (with love and immense excitement) because...

Mary? From OSOT?? I...Idk. Maybe it's just my own headcanon? But I swear...she didn't even flinch when Cammie got her in a lock? Took care of her. Knew all the languages she was speaking? Irish. Strawberry Blonde. Face full of freckles. Blue eyes. Close in age to Cam?

Is it just me?! IS THAT MRS. O'REILLY?!

Sarah, I need answers. Like did you also think this or I have stumbled upon this?

And if I've stumbled upon it, CAN YOU IMAGINE -

A girl, a little lost and confused, maybe on the run from something herself, and meeting Cam, she decides she isn't alone and maybe she saved Cammie on that mountain, but maybe, just maybe Cammie saved her a little? And she leaves. And she meets PHINEAS. AND THEN

AND THEN-

Phineas. Decides to study the brain, because "Mary" was fascinated, after Cammie, and maybe they talked about it a lot, and maybe he just needed to feel closer to her, to understand his own grief, whatever the reason.

AND THENNNNN

THAT MAN

SAVES CAMMIE'S SON ON THAT SAME MOUNTAIN WITH HER

AND HELPS HER DAUGHTER

AND HIS SON HELPS HER DAUGHTER

AND

SARAH DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

AM I ALONE? AM I CRAZY? WHERE ARE ZACH AND LUKE TO TELL ME I'M NOT CRAZY*

-@superblycaffeinated

*see my next thing yelling at you

hello yes I'm back because, I just have to talk about Luke Collins #1 - both him and Zach telling Cam and Morgan that they aren't crazy? I cry. Every time. Every. Single. Time. #2- something about this last re-read, maybe it's cause I was bouncing around between both series, but how much more I noticed the direct similarities but also the opposite to their relationships and each other? Like Cammie and Zach, at Gillian's in OSOT and Zach says he can't fit. and he kisses her for luck. BUT THEN LUKE says almost the same thing. In Sleuth Will Set You Free? and Morgan's like I don't care and he is just....UGHHHHH #3- the beautiful subtle way Luke starts to get more open about his feelings for Morgan? And her too, but mainly him is what I'm focused on. That quiet Luke Collins thing. When Morgan literally describes them as being not so great at the outward, open thing like Matt/Scout - and then Luke is loop de looping on her arm and kissing her palm and is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?/just kiss me?! EXCUSE ME?! and he's all nervous and frantic energy until his hands settle on her when she finally wakes up and THE WRIST KISS in the last chapter. Anyways, just me kissing your beautiful big lovely brain as always and thanking you for writing this series over and over and over again 💙

😍✨💕🎉🥰 I certainly don't remember making the Mary connection to Finn's mom, but I am always always always open to more Finn lore—I absolutely adore that kid. Always down for adding more meaning where you can find it. And speaking of kids I adore, you're absolutely right about Luke Collins, in every way. He's the best. At the time, I remember trying to write him in direct parallel to Zach, though that changed over the 7+ years it took me to write the series. I learned a lot between book 5 and book 6, and Luke's development can be directly attributed to those 5 years away. I adore the way he comes across in all the books, but Over and Run With is a real breakout for him. brb gonna go re-read those Gathering chapters rn... 👀 (Thanks for screaming with me, I do love this series)

[mentalblabbermouth]

I tell myself I am free to be silly and that includes feeling good about posting another ramble from my google docs

So anyway aside from Mario, I am also really into BATIM and when BATDR came out I lost my mind. Like 2017 me came crawling back from the depths of my mind and binge-watched Superhorrorbro Mike's gameplay when it came out. Distinctly remember having to pause at the biggest plot twist and just pace around my senior studio, rambling like a madman. (Little did I know someone was right outside the door, so whoever heard all that um no you didn't)

(From 9 Dec 2022) (Disclaimer: this is pure brainrot I guess but if you manage to read all this thanks so much! I get insecure about it, but I also really want to share my ramblings in the hopes of someone getting it so yeah)

Shut up I’m still thinking about Audrey, I have thoughts and questions like did she start out as a baby? How long did she even get to grow up with Joey before he died? If her story starts in 1973, and the first game was in 1963, and she has to be in like her early twenties, and Joey died in 1971, then what? That’s two years! Had she always known and just forgot when she entered the machine? Did he put her in an orphanage when she was little? And how did she even end up at Archgate? 

   Maybe she did get to grow up with her father and forgot when she entered the machine and she rediscovers the book with his notes, not understanding its true meaning. Nathan had promised to look after her, which is why she’s an animator at Archgate. She probably told him what happened to his son and after the damage the machine did, it hit the news and Gent got word and secretly took it away.

   Come to think of it, Allison works at Archgate, so maybe Audrey later realizes Allison Connor and Allison Pendle are the same.

   ALSO! Audrey didn’t recognize Henry, but she has the drawing he gave to Joey, so what? Does she put two and two together later on? Did she never get to meet the real him? Did Joey never talk about him? 

   THEORY TIME: There’s also the whole “uncle” thing. I feel like, bear with me here I promise, Audrey’s somehow connected to Henry. Think about it! She’s a talented animator and hard worker, literally employee of the month at Archgate. He originally created the toons and you know Joey basically took the credit. And the whole soul thing. You can’t separate the creation from the creator no matter what, and I think it’s parallel between Audrey with Joey and Bendy with Henry. Look at this weird family. Audrey’s soul was made, maybe from a piece of Joey’s soul, and a part of that was given to Bendy when they made it to the real world. 

   In “Dreams Come to Life”, Joey mentions how he shared his soul with Henry, so obviously the two were close, and whether they like it or not they influenced each other. What I’m getting at is that some of that artistic talent and creativity may have seeped into Audrey. If the Ink Machine is like a pen or canvas, and ink stains, then who's to say that in creating Audrey, parts of her are composed of the important people in Joey’s life: Allison and Henry? Writing it down kind of makes sense. Now, of course similar dialogue lines are probably just references to the first game, but what if?

As a treat for making it this far and while I have the confidence rn, here's some old-ish art technically from last year? I just like the potential between strained character relationships, the drama of it all ✨🤌.

Now, of course neither of the games are perfect and the storyline itself is kind of mixed up/confusing in some places, and this all may be a bunch of hogwash, but that's the beauty of fan work I guess, filling in the pieces and connecting dots like that one Charlie Day meme.

Once again I cast my lot into the digital sea of content like a note in a bottle, hoping to be uncorked and read by a stranger in the midst of multitudes, received not with scorn, but acceptance and understanding.

Anyway that's all for today, as always, thanks for reading!

[angstandhappiness]

INTERESTING

OP's tags @imminent-danger-came #THINK OF THE TRADGEDY#Wukong seeing MK act a little bit evil in 1x09: uh hold up no stop that#When he realizes it was just MK trying to be good enough: :0

@mythicalmagical-monkeyman #THINK OF THE TRADGEDY#< prev tags#to good to leave out#Yes!#exactly#thank you for putting my tiny strains of thoughts into actual word

@imminent-danger-came #wish I could be normal about anything ever#instead I write an in-depth theory post on why I think MK was fucked up in his past life#COME ON s4 SPECIAL. PROVE ME RIGHT#GIVE ME CRUMBS#THIS WOULD SLAP SO HARD#DO IT FOR ME#this ain't even mentioning the god damn curse#Cause like bro. The curse reacting to MK (being a part of MK?) the way it does is so fucking weird#Why did MK get a flash of it in 4x03. Why#''harbinger of chaos'' WELL MAYBE HE WAS ONE. MAYBE HE WAS.#eamk theory

@imminent-danger-came #YEAH ELDRITCH HORROR MK IS SYNONYMOUS WITH MONKEY DEMON MK#Tis the same thing. MK is a Monkey Demon and nothing can change that#Some good points here teehee#I think I'm on team ''pre-stone MK was a complete force of utter chaos'' but like.#A pre-stone MK being controlled and curated as a weapon is a really fun idea#Would have great Samadhi fire Mei parallels too#''Don't use the flame Mei...be the flame!'' ''You don't use a weapon! You are a weapon!''#''What if I fail everyone? What if I...lose control?'' ''Actually no no—the chaos and destruction that we'll bring upon the world will make#Wukong's past look like nothing''#Like at the VERY least MK was someone in a past life right. Like#It would be weird if he didn't. Literally every other member of the gang does#And everyone in this show is living past the end of their myth one way or another#anyways I'm so sorry tumblr ate your post#I've lost good men in tumblr drafts

@its-leethee #ok so i had this rb window open since yesterday cause i needed to sleep on it but nope time did not calm me down#my brain soundtrack stuck on eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE#always wondering where did mk's power come from & what they put in the baby monkey stone and like y'all are so smart eight steps ahead of m#sealed monkey demon/eldritch horror mk alright alright i'm in 100%

@mythicalmagical-monkeyman #...#what if he's the thing that killed the pilgrims#he would have been powerful enough to#and it would help explain why Wukong was involved#and why mk would be friends with their “reincarnations”#/descendant#because parallels

@ghostenluvs #prev#OH MY GOD#ur brain#but omg that would be so angsty #THIS WHOLE THEORY IS CRAZY BUT IN LIKE AN OMG WAY#LIKE MAN I'M HAVING THOUGHTS NOW#i love these long theory posts they get hte brain thoughts going#IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER

@i-am-a-fan #Do you think that’s why Mk is only part monkey demon? Because i can two schools of thought on that#one. he’s part SWK and part something else (probably celestial if i’m honest) but that would explain why he’s able to wield the staff#it also makes sense since the staff is has been said to only be wielded by swk himself#there’s no trials or anything of being worthy like thors hammer. you either are swk or you aren’t#Or TWO. MK WAS another celestial monkey#i say WAS because he might have been defeated and the put back together as seen in the frames shown above#Mostly because i really do think MK when broken down is actually really evil#I WILL ONCE AGAIN USE THE CLONE EPISODE AS EVIDENCE#you’re telling me that every clone made of the guy#that are supposed to be perfect imitations of the creator (mind you)#all of them. turned evil?#yeah that kid is fucked up#wow i had wayyyy more to say than i thought i did#welcome to my ted talk

@void-multimuse #stuff like this makes my brain go brrr so I wanna add it to my MK portrayal

@mythicalmagical-monkeyman #saw this on twitter#but this goes with inky going#"your friends will turn on you. seeing you for the monster you will become. they will DESTROY you#harbinger of chaos.”#because if MK killed them in their past lives#why would they keep him around if he could do it again#(I know they wouldn't though)

@wilyzombie #yall i just wanted to watch a cartoon with fun animation#it’s been only 2 weeks since i first started watching monkie kid#and now im obsessed

@newcyber-demonslayer#YO#WAIT#THIS IS ACTUALLY SUCH A GREAT THEORY#probably cause I’m a sucker for eldritch beings cause it fascinates me#especially the possible design options out there

@demigod-of-the-agni #op this was a DELICIOUS READ#i will now retreat to my cave and wallow#monkerkidd#SO MANY THOUGHTS.... SO MANY.......

@shiwinu #SOMEONE SAID#“CRAZY THEORY”#???#I'M IN#AHHAHAHAJAJA

Eldritch Abomination MK Theory

OKAY. @the-punning-ubus

I just want to say reading these tags are SO validating, because I have my little "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory and seeing someone else come to pretty much the same conclusion feels good.

I've been meaning to write a proper theory post on this for a while, so now is as good of a time as any!

Obviously we have Wukong's "Not just anyone can wield my staff, but you did" from A Hero is Born and "The staff's just a big 'ol stick bud! It takes someone special to wield it" from 3x03, but there's also something in 1x09 Macaque:

Macaque: "Your staff kinda gives you away dude, not just anyone can wield that thing."

-

Macaque: "Ohohoh no, can't you hold the magic staff anymore? Well, you know what that means—there really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick."

-

-

The sweet irony of "There really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick!" followed immediately by MK lifting the staff again is not lost on me.

So, from s1 it was pretty obvious that Wukong didn't "give" MK any form of power, but we knew that already with MK being a monkey demon and all. I just think it's particularly intriguing that all of this was laid out in the same episode where MK proclaims "I am the weapon!". In all honestly, he probably was/is.

One of the main questions coming out of s4 is "why was MK created?"—Monkey King's stone was used to form another, but for what purpose? To what end? What reason was MK at the center of all these stories?

Well, here's my current theory:

MK was something in a past life, and that something needed to be contained—and so, to put a stop to past life eldritch abomination MK, he was then sealed away in the stone.

I think this scene in particular raises some alarm bells:

The stone cracks open, bursts with light, and then it closes—like something was put inside it. The scene could of course just be an aesthetic choice, or chosen to be this way for another reason we don't know yet, but it just feels so deliberate. A ball of light appearing from the stone, then another ball of light in the mystery woman's hands being revealed to hold a monkey, and then the stone reforming around the ball of light. I just can't help but feel there's something there.

Next I want to discuss the two key things that make me feel this theory has merit:

1.) MK has made a habit of breaking out of things he shouldn't be able to (the calabash in 1x05, the trigram furnace in 2x00, the scroll in 4x07, Destiny itself in 3x14) and the stone would be no exception.

2.) Every antagonist in this show has been sealed away in some form, then being released to resume their plans from before being sealed. Here's a list:

DBK was sealed under the mountain, and after being released continued his plan of world domination.

Spider Queen was metaphorically trapped in her fallen empire, and after being given the chance to rule the above world once again, immediately takes it.

The Lady Bone Demon was imprisoned in her tomb, and after being released prematurely (before learning the error of her ways), she continued her plan to destroy the world and create a new one.

Azure Lion was imprisoned in the scroll, and upon being released (by an unknown 3rd party), immediately worked to free his friends and then end the Jade Emperor's reign.

Now, I love foils, so MK breaking out of the stone he was sealed in, yet coming out an actually changed being unlike everyone else in this show, would be DELICIOUS:

Lady Bone Demon: ”No backup and no weapon? So, you’re plan is to fist fight a child?” Sun Wukong: “We both know that’s not what you are.”

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

-

Lady Bone Demon: "STOP! Have you forgotten? Destroy me and you destroy the host! Have you become so desperate to end me that you would sacrifice this blameless innocent child?" Sun Wukong: "You're giving me no choice! All the time you spent locked away, and you haven't changed a bit! I'm going to finish you, like I should have done a long time ago! I told you—you should have stayed buried."

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

-

Subodhi: "I have not brought you to your master. Although this is the stone from which Sun Wukong once sprung, it appears overtime, it was used to form another. A simple creature, with no past, no family, and no name. There is a reason you were at the center of these stories—a reason you can harness the power of the Monkey King himself!"

(4x06 Show Me the Monster)

-

(If you want extra fodder for this, please see this parallels post :3)

So, if MK were to hatch out of the stone—where *he* was sealed away—and he actually came out of it a "blameless innocent child" with "no past, no family, and no name", it would work exceedingly well. Wukong's not above giving people second chances, but if you use that second chance to try and destroy the world, you force his hand.

(Side note: it could also be the case that the stone was used to "reset" whatever MK was in his past life, and Wukong was originally meant to destroy whatever came out of the stone—which could be the reason he stayed at Flower Fruit Mountain for hundreds of years. However, when an child came out, a new being without a past or the memories of what it was before—Wukong choose to let it go. He choose to let it live a normal life—or even ensuring it could live a normal life—and it then found it's way to Pigsy. This definitely gets into real crack theory territory, but I did want to bring it up.)

Now, none of this is even mentioning the suspiciously MK shaped figure in the mural from 3x13:

Now, the figure in this mural is only shown when MK is also on screen, which is framing that drives me insane. Perhaps this is when they first caught MK's past life, then finally able to subdue him and seal him in the stone.

And so, if MK really was this terrible chaos driven abomination in his past life, what does that mean ✨thematically✨?

Well,

Sun Wukong: “Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?”

(4x01 Familiar Tales)

-

SWK: “ENOUGH! I’ve never let anyone dictate my destiny in the past, and I’m not about to start now. None of us are! We can’t change who we were yesterday or in a past life, or a hundred life times ago! We live with the choices we’ve made, for what matter is the choices we make RIGHT NOW! Only we decide who we are and what we do with the power we have.”

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

MK can't change who he was in a past life. He can't change that the roads all lead to pain. But you know what he can do? He can try. He can try and get a little bit better every day. He can try and help people. He can try and make the world better than he found it.

Maybe in a past life, MK caused just as must chaos and destruction as Wukong did in his past. Maybe he caused even more problems than he has as the Monkie Kid. But that also doesn't undo the good he's doing now.

Anyways, that's my "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory. Hope you enjoyed

[ryuuaka713]

Soukoku & The Red Camellias

Ok, I have been thinking a lot of this lately, so I am just gonna let this all out.

You guys know this official art, right? Right?

This is literally one of my most favorite SKK official art. Like I legit thought that this is a fan-art until I saw an entire comment section in pinterest basically summarizing: “I can’t believe this is NOT a fanart”. I literally lost my shit that day because MY GOD this is so CLOSE! I’ve been in the BSD fandom since January, and I have been obsessing over Soukoku since Dead Apple. 

But anyway, this official art--I showed this to my sister who has no idea what the anime is about, and I wanted an opinion from an outsider in regards of this official art just for the fun of it. And guess what she said: Apart from being GAY, she thinks that their relationship is almost similar to Romeo and Juliet (YEP! HER EXACT WORDS!). It is interesting, not just because these two act more like an aggressive version of R&J (or the anti-thesis of it), it is also the fact that the more I looked into this pic, the more I can see the whole bitter-sweetness to it.

So I decided to look up the meaning of Camellia flowers in which these two have been associated with by the fandom.

(OK, the next thing I am going to say will be something that not everyone will like. But please, hear me out)

I notice a lot of people (shippers to be precise), say that the Camellias represent love, desire, and longing. This meaning is based on WESTERN interpretation. But what about the JAPANESE symbolism of it?

In the Wikipedia version for the Hanakotoba (Japanese Floriography) the (Red) Tsubaki (the Japanese name for the Camellia) is indeed associated with “Love” (not far from the Western interpretation), but what’s interesting is that it also says: “Perishing with Grace”. Ok, Wikipedia is not entirely reliable, so I decided to do more research, and from what I’ve gathered, the Camellias are associated with Love (Again, derived from Western influence or the source is not that reliable), Divinity, and finally--Death.

So technically speaking, the reason why Tsubaki is associated with the divine is that it is used in tea ceremonies because it does not interfere with the scent of tea. Furthermore, it somehow evokes a sense of sacredness (whether directly to a Kami or not) to it, and you can see why this is almost in the same threshold as the Cherry Blossoms in terms of Japanese associations. Indeed, the Tsubaki is called the “Japanese Rose”, and very much like the Cherry Blossoms, these flowers carry a heavy meaning--Death.

Brutal as this may sound, I think the subject of Death behind the flowers is something that connects the most to Soukoku. 

But before I go over that, it should be known that the Tsubaki is associated with “Noble Death”--this comes from the imagery of how the buds of the flower, when wilted, falls as a whole immediately instead of petal by petal. And many called this blossom as a form of “bad luck” because it resembles Decapitation. With that being said, the Tsubaki can be related as a symbolic imagery of a Samurai’s death (since the process of their execution involves having their heads cut off). And thus, it should emphasize the unwavering loyalty of the warrior (it makes sense as to why the petals are intact with the bud--but this is just my interpretation), and why the flower symbolizes a “noble death”.

Now what does got to do with Soukoku?

This applies more to Chuuya as the whole “sacredness”/”divinity” of the Tsubaki can be easily associated with the fact that he possessed the God of Calamity. And because Corruption means total destruction, Chuuya’s fate is literally death like what the Tsubaki implies. However, what I find even more interesting is that after reading how these flowers are associated with the samurai, this is very similar to Chuuya’s case. Chuuya in BSD is the personification of loyalty, specifically to the PM. 

With his relationship with Dazai, it is a little bit different since Chuuya never wants to be his Dog (the most common symbol of loyalty). But what’s interesting enough is that he remains--CONSTANTLY trusts Dazai. In other words, he knows his motivations, trusts him, and would immediately jump into action. Chuuya would go as far as using the very thing that will kill him while keeping in mind that Dazai has a plan (e.g. Dead Apple). With that being said, this is exactly why Chuuya is the one who seems to be watching over Dazai while the latter is sleeping in the official art above. And the fact that the flower just rests on his open palm is well-connected to the aesthetic and “grace” of the Tsubaki. Chuuya’s corruption is brutally horrible, but the concept of his loyalty and trust is something that we can at least admire about him.

What about Dazai? Well, this is the part where things get a little complicated. One thing for sure, the whole death symbolism can be easily associated to his suicidal tendencies. But even so, this is still tied up (literally and figuratively speaking) to his relationship with Chuuya. Dazai said that his ideal suicide should be “clean and proper”--in other words, without burdening anyone. And yet, his death will always be tethered to Chuuya’s. This is seen when they are 15 when Rimbaud proposed that he must kill both Chuuya and Dazai to protect his crimes. This is again brought up in (SPOILERS!!!) Stormbringer when Mori brings up that if Dazai decides to give up and die, no one would save Chuuya (END SPOILERS!!!). In short they are inseparable. 

And because of that, Dazai can see how he can easily influence the fate of his partner-- the very same person who is prone to death despite his desire to live. Thus, one of the reasons why he fights side by side with Chuuya. it is not just Chuuya’s complete trust in him that makes their partnership effective, but it is also his recognition of the boy’s desire to live. And that’s why we have this official art:

In this official art, it is not as delicate as the first one, but we see the Camellias again. This time, it is Dazai holding the flowers, and he is clutching them in his fists. Personally, I see this as him grasping to that life-line while Chuuya is using corruption. While Chuuya, his corruption and the camellias are about the concept of potential death, in Dazai’s case--the camellia serves as a “reminder of death” (not the actual death). Thus, why he is clutching them. After all, he recognizes that Chuuya doesn’t want to die (unlike him). Not to mention, Chuuya would willingly lay down his life to him (and vise versa). In other words, it just shows that with the symbolism of the Tsubaki, both characters--despite the “hate” they have for each other--are always connected, and it is through Death. Death because of their circumstances, or because of their characterizations.

Furthermore, the complexity of Tsubaki being this beautiful flower that is considered as sacred, a love token, and a symbolic imagery of death--parallels so much with the complexity of their relationship. I am not going to dive in further with the analysis of their relationship since I know a handful of people who are excellent in doing that. But what I’m saying here: the Camellias are not only a love token, the same way you can’t say that Dazai and Chuuya’s relationship is like a love-hate relationship (it is way more complicated than that).

With that being said, there is bittersweet connotation in their relationship. It is Romeo and Juliet in a sense that they are connected by tragedy, regardless whether they are in the same organization or not.

And that’s it, thanks for reading my ted-talk!

[ktinastrikesback]

Alright, here it is: The meta post about Eddie Diaz and mother figures and how it all leads to Buddie (I think). Thanks to @yramesoruniverse for your help with this, and @kitkatpancakestack and @evanbucklies for inspiring it! I really have been thinking about this nonstop and had to get it all down. This got quite long, so I'll include a cut in order to spare everyone who doesn't want to continue reading!

We first get an idea of Eddie's complicated thoughts surrounding mother figures throughout his whole storyline with Shannon in season 2 when he romantically reconnects with her for Christopher's benefit. I do want to keep the focus here trained on Eddie in season 4, but I want to point out a season 2 line that is pretty fitting. As much as I don't want to use a Shannon quote as a starting point for a meta, I think this one is actually pretty useful: "...Eddie always knows what's best for everyone...God forbid you stop for a second and actually ask them what they need." While it's harsh and spoken out of spite, Shannon does make a point here which becomes relevant at the end of season 4.

We don't know a whole lot about season 4 Eddie (thanks writers) aside from the fact that he's working on being a single father (he tells Marjan in the crossover that he's "doing the whole single dad thing") and being a support system for Buck and the rest of the 118. Eddie's "arc" this season is moving on from Shannon and beginning to date again (a very small and limited arc, which hopefully season 5 will remedy). Of course, because it's Eddie, the core of this arc is him wanting what is best for Christopher. And it seems pretty clear that what Eddie thinks Chris needs is a complete family with a mother figure (note how he asks Bobby if he's "happy now, with Athena and the kids" and just assumes that Bobby is talking about Ana Flores), but the universe pushes against this idea throughout the whole season. There are a lot of examples in season 4 of unreliable mother figures (for example, the alcoholic mother who causes the wreck in Blindsided), but in order to save some space here, I'll list and discuss those in another post. The main thing I want to point out is that we've seen that mother figures aren't always perfect, and they aren't the end all be all that Eddie thinks. And canonically, the show suggests several times throughout the season that the partner that Eddie needs/wants and who is best for Chris is actually Buck.

In Breaking Point, while Eddie is on his date, it's Buck who is at home taking care of Christopher and getting him through his nighttime routine (which establishes that he knows the routine and has gotten Chris ready for bed before, hence the reference to his "cautionary tale"). On the date, when Ana says that no one has been in his life since Shannon passed away, Eddie noticeably looks uncomfortable (the will reveal makes this scene and that particular comment and Eddie's subsequent reaction so rich. Eddie knows that what Ana is saying is completely untrue, because the person he trusts most with his son is with him at that exact moment). Later, when Eddie tells Christopher about his new 'friend', he says "it's a woman." And...to be honest, what the hell was that? He could have said, "I'm dating someone" or "I have a girlfriend." But he says it like this? And it's weird...right? Christopher is the one who has to say "girlfriend." Also his tone of voice when he says it...it's suspicious to me. Anyways...Eddie talks with Ana about Christopher's reaction and her first instinct is to take a break and wait for Christopher to warm up to the idea so as to not cause him more pain. Meanwhile, Chris is out the door, in an Uber, and on his way to Buck, the person who actually gets Chris to talk about his feelings and who fixes the whole mess. So while Eddie is talking with Ana, Buck is playing a parental role AND promising Chris he isn't going anywhere, completely juxtaposing everything Ana has said and done in this episode (throwback to Fools, anyone?). Just like we see in 4x14, the perfect partner that Eddie is looking for is already putting in the work, no questions asked (and this is all before Buck knows about the will!). Yet Eddie is still trying to force it with Ana.

We see this again very briefly in Parenthood. Eddie and Buck are seen agreeing on parenting ideals on a call, similar to how we saw them work together in Future Tense to talk Chris out of playing video games. At the end of the episode however, when Chris asks to join the movie, Ana just jumps ahead and lets him in, not consulting with Eddie. Of course, this isn't a serious issue and Eddie is happy to have Chris join them, but it still carries on with juxtaposing Ana with Buck. It's also a bit interesting that Chris sits between them, parallel to the video game scene from season 3. But again, it's a very brief scene, so I don't know how much value it has overall.

We see all of this come to a head in 4x13 when Eddie becomes invested in the single mother and her son from the balcony call. Interestingly, this call happens after Eddie's conversation with Carla ("make sure you're following your heart"). On the call, Eddie flirts with the mom. This is interesting because we've seen many times in the past that Eddie...doesn't like flirting, especially on the job. Eddie openly flirting with the mom here may be his way of fighting against what his instincts are telling him Carla's comment was about (him liking Buck/a man). Eddie quickly becomes invested in Charlie (the son) and takes a liking to his mother because he relates to her. You can kind of see the gears working in Eddie's head when he's at their apartment...he's admiring her and perhaps maybe fantasizing about having a partner who gets it. And he sees a mother taking care of her son...reinforcing his love for the mother figure. But of course, we all learn by the end of the episode that this mother figure is extremely warped and not at all what her child needs.

The best part about this plot is the way it plays into the shooting scene at the end of the episode. Just before he gets shot, we see Eddie in an interesting framing choice (I am genuinely serious when I say that I want to sit down with Brenna Malloy and ask her about her directing choices for this whole scene):

The mother and son are placed into separate ambulances, and Eddie stands between the two vehicles. Visually, Eddie is literally placed between the mother figure and the son, and Buck is standing in front of him (at a slight distance). As (thank you to @kitkatpancakestack for pointing this out!) the ambulance with the mother drives away, Eddie says "shoulda gotten here sooner" to Buck (who replies, "That kid is just lucky he met you." He knows how to reassure Eddie and recognizes what is good for the child). Then of course, Eddie gets shot. But let's focus instead on why this framing before the shooting is important: the universe does scream, and it sure as hell was screaming at Eddie this whole episode. Carla calls him out for not following his heart, he idolizes this mother only for her to end up being horrid, then he gets shot with his partner standing right in front of him (you know, the same person who takes care of his son for the entirety of the next episode).

This can be read so plainly: Eddie has been fighting hard for what he thinks is best for his son, and he's stuck in this relationship with Ana because he thinks she is what will make Christopher happy. Meanwhile, Buck is in front of him and has been there the entire time putting in the work with Chris and making him feel heard, loved, and important. This ties right back to that Shannon line: if Eddie had simply asked Christopher what he needs/wants, it's very possible that his answer would be "Buck." Eddie doesn't need to be stuck in the middle of this relationship he doesn't care about because Chris' happiness is not dependent on having a mother figure.

Of course, we didn't see very much of Eddie in 4x14 so we don't really know what is going through his head regarding the shooting or Carla's comment just yet, but I'm hoping we see a lot of him working through all of the events that took place in 4x13/14 throughout next season. Because of the way the mother/son storyline ended up and the way they framed Eddie in the shooting scene, I'm willing to bet that he's going to be reevaluating just what Christopher needs and what he already has (with his Buck).

(Also side note--the welcome home party scene...when Buck is watching Eddie greet Christopher, notice the framing there too. The photo of Chris and Shannon is on the right side of the frame, Eddie and Chris in the middle, and Buck to the left. You already know what I'm going to say, so I'll leave it at that...)

Anyways. Edmundo Diaz is confused about what he and Christopher need, and it's actually a brilliant way to dive into a storyline about his sexuality and his feelings for Buck. Remember that post-finale interview with Tim where he said Eddie is always concerned with what's best for Christopher? That there will be a lot to explore with Eddie? I take everything Tim says with a grain of salt, but looking at all of this, there's quite a bit here pointing in the direction of pining Eddie. It's not wishful thinking, it's in the text.

I'm literally just applying basic film analysis to these scenes...and everything is adding up to a larger picture. I'm really excited to see what Eddie's arc in season 5 will be because there's so much set in place for it to be really great.

[kitkatpancakestack]

Friend. That episode scrambled my brain. How are you holding up? I need to talk about Buck in this episode. Dear, wonderful, pulls-no-punches Buck. Buck in THAT scene — The Talk.

Or, can you talk to me about Buck? (What with my scrambled brain and all.) The way the shooting — their shared trauma and the will — Eddie's act of profound love for Chris AND Buck, for their family — have this physical presence around them, inside of this cherished bubble they built. The inherent tension between these two things — the fear of loss and the love. How Buck is the one who alludes to them, is the one to begin to push. But neither of them are willing or able to sit fully with them just yet. About how Eddie folded like a cheap suit at the gentlest of prods, and the choices Buck made about where to push. And where not to.

Can we talk about the layers of subtext in every single word of The Talk? "Is that enough?" "I've been Ana..." "...like a ready-made family...I'm not sure I'm ready for that..." *Buck's face...* The way Buck evoked his own experiences, as if they have value, because he knows he matters now, because Eddie told him he's not expendable...

The way Eddie remains a stubborn fixed point in his denial (this is not going to last), but Buck is watching, thinking thoughts and connecting dots.

Anyway, this is me rambling in your ask box to get you to talk to me about Buck.

*pours two cups of coffee* @yramesoruniverse always good to see you thanks for stopping by, and you don't even need to ask I'm ready at the drop of a hat to get weird and meta about these firefighters.

I think these two episodes fundamentally shifted something in my brain, for sure. There's a lot of calling-back happening, subtle mentions and locations and props that niggle at your memory a bit to think where have I heard this before and given how similar S4 Eddie was to S2 Buck, I am interested to see additional implied parallels from this season to S3.

You want to talk about Buck, let's talk about Buck. Let's talk about the deliberate placement of him, once again, in opposition to Ana. Let's talk about how him and Ana, in that one scene, do not interact at all. I mean, there's no quick niceties, they don't even make eye contact to acknowledge the other's existence, which I think is an enormously effective and sneaky way to show how these two people have become proxies trading places in Eddie's life, for all intents and purposes serving the same function, which is why they have thus far been contrasted separately, and why it feels so tense when they are in this moment together. And it felt like a test. Ana failed. Buck didn't.

Let's talk about the shooting and the guardianship, especially the guardianship, how they have not been explicitly and thoroughly addressed. Idk if it's just me but it feels like there's a heaviness to all of Buck and Eddie's scenes, this unmentioned thing taking up space that they are painstakingly dancing around.

There's so much in that Talk scene at the station. So many layers. It's funny; they don't talk about their love lives until it starts to disrupt the real family unit they got going on between them and Chris. This is married behavior. This is what partners do, as a team with a kid to think about. You need to tell me if something is wrong. This is one significant other telling the other one that their problems are starting to cause waves and they need to touch base with each other, get back on the same page. And the way Eddie folds, because he knows, because he and Buck are partners, because they built this thing between them and it requires ongoing love and dedication to maintain.

Buck inserting himself as Ana? Buck and Eddie having this conversation about what real love should look like? That fucking pause before Eddie looks up at Buck, like something is going on there but I cannot pinpoint exactly what. There's so much I haven't even begun to unpack.

It is literally driving me insane. The subtext has become text. I don't even....what is the protocol for this?