#so anyway that’s actually a great sign because only my favorite shows make me feel that unwell when i finish them

[nct-oli]

it’s been a long while since i’ve been on here. i’m only logging on because i just finished mysterious lotus casebook and i needed a space to AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

okay anyway for my own purposes. my updates are:

- yes, just finished mysterious lotus casebook last night and i feel physically ill from my emotional distraught

- still watching bls/gls but not as frequently as before… not feeling as connected to everything right now

- i unbiased my kpop ult a few months ago and i will provide no further comment on that

- i’m on a personal kpop strike so i actually haven’t listened to or interacted with any official content in 2 months

- i’m listening to some filipino pop these days

- i’m laid off and several months still unemployed

- i’ve grown a lot politically over the past 6 months

- free 🍉🍉🍉

[tiajk]

Black coded!Karasuno manager headcannons

Warnings: cursing, reader flirting with every fine man because she can, chaotic karasuno, karasuno being readers found family, fem reader, miss reader is poly and ain’t afraid to show it, some sappy feelings, probably spelled people names wrong

It’s chaotic with the mfs all they do it scream, shout eat and play volleyball

You did those things to but they’re more annoying

Tanaka and nishi always finds new ways to make you know your the goddess you are

The first years are intimidated by you even tuskki (it depends on the day)

the third years love you ur probably there favorite underclassmen

kiyoko and you are close like knit tight she loves all that you do for the team and it makes her job a little easier she know that when she leaves the boys will be in good hands

Okay anyways you’ve always known you were that girl like your a pretty black girl in japan who wouldn’t want you

While everyone in karasuno agreed with you so do other schools

which is why tanaka and nishinoya are on guard duty half the time

so guy tries to come ask you for your number *cough* Terushima *cough* they will and i repeat they will start barking at bitches screaming at the top of there lungs “NO WAY IN HELL YOU CAN HAVE OUR MANAGER SHES OURS” it pisses you off to every end especially if there fine (which is all because all hainaut boys are gorgeous)

they hate when you are flirting with the other teams at camps *cough* Bokuto and Akaashi* “Bokuto your spikes are so good you have to teach me” while giving him heart eyes which the boy is eating up because a pretty girl flirting with him and complementing his skill SOLD

you couldn’t forget about the pretty boy setter for Fukurōdani you would always tell him “Akaashi its great that you look out for bokuto like that” he would get the hints but didn’t act on them and you were a patient women you could wait “you and i should hang out i wanna get to know you more” you weren’t lying at all…

Now the boys were fumming you would give them water instead of your own team YOUR THE CLUB YOU SIGNED UP FOR they were but hurt except for suga he knew you had to claim them because you had told him that older men just hit different

anyways when yachi had joined you had welcomed her with open arms as always our girl yachi was scared out of her pants your were intimidating you had a resting bitch face and it scared her to be honest but when she saw you smile she got scared about how pretty you were (i cannon yachi is Bi you can’t change my mind)

You loved enoshita he may have been on the quieter side but he was a good friend when you really needed him you had majority of classes with him so of course you guys had a tight knit he’s the reason why you joined the club

hinata and kageyama you loved them but they were actually kinda stupid all they would do it scream ans yell at each other they were like your children when ever you would confront them about there behavior they would come up with so many excuses “Y/n BUT KAGEYAMA WHAT BEING ANNOYING” “I WAS NOT YOU SHITHEAD” rubbing your temples as they continued to argue “if you don’t shut up i will never bury you food again” They shut there asses right up after that (rich y/n?!?)

your third years were your favorites asahi, dachi, suga, and kiyoko we’re like your parents they always made sure that you were eating correctly, had enough money, and that your mental/physical health was good you are their favorite and nothing can change there mind they do get upset when you go after people there age they know it’s not a big difference but they just wanna make sure your safe

Dacahi almost had an heart attack when you told him when Shiratorizawa match was about to start that you wanted him to put you on with ushijima and tendou (he did only because they asked about you)

yams was a angel sent from heaven he was so kind you loved playing with his hair it was so soft and fluffy and it was like a stress reliever you were trying to set him up with tsukki he’s not slick i know damn well he has a crush on him and vise versa tsukki was a piece of work you always had a response for his snarky ass mouth

tanaka, *sigh* tanaka hairs dog number 1 has never and never disrespected you once he knows if he did that you would twist his ass inside out but in all seriousness he loves you it can be romantic or platonic but he would die for you defend you against any creep or someone that makes you feel not worthy he’s your hype man he’s one of your best friends you love this hot sister too he hates when you bring it up tho

Nishinoya guard dog number 2 he’s short ass hell and clings to you like a dog he has been on thin ice when he’s trying to flirt with you but he knows his boundaries he always wants to show you new tricks he comes up with but mostly rolling thunder

COACH UKAI not gonna lie you thought this man was one of the hottest men alive and you weren’t wrong he was honestly surprised when there was 3 manager but he didn’t care more help he secretly liked you the most he lets you have free meat buns and sometimes stuff from the shop but he makes you swear not to tell anyone

Takeda he made you so happy he was like your sweet older brother he always grateful that you love it with the club you always try to bring kk spare money because you know how hard he believes in the the boy and would do anything for them

in conclusion you love your “job” and the boys love you you wouldn’t know what to do without them

[respectthepetty]

10 QL Girls I Want Carnally

Because @twig-tea hit me with the tag in their 10 QL People I Want Carnally list sprinkled with women as @negrowhat requested, let me slide up in here to show some appreciation for only the ladies because the amount of GLs we have leaves me thirsty, and these women look like a beautiful stream in the dusty desert.

Honorable Mention - Namtan's Characters [Pluto]

I don't understand the plot of this upcoming series. Namtan is playing twins and one or both of them love May (played by Film). Full disclosure here, I don't give a fuck about the plot because I'm going to watch it regardless. I'm always showing up for Namtan (and Film and Clize). When I'm being offered beautiful women in a GL plot, I do not question the gifts God bestows on me.

Honorable Mention - Jung One [She's Makes My Heart Flutter]

Fucking Korea and its short ass shows! I only had this precious babygirl for one hour, and I would murder for her. I would treat her so well that she would never feel nervous about another thing in her whole life. She is like Jim from Moonlight Chicken, just trying to help her niece and run her bar, but I'll be like Wen and WORK FOR FREE because that's how much I want to be in her bed warming her up at night. Money ain't the only way to pay me for my services.

Hydration Station

Maya & Rose [Laws of Attraction]

Choke me. Maya AND Rose are my ideal throuple with me being the third. Silvy had me hot and bothered in her scenes with Joong and New in The Warp Effect (bisexual reawakening), and Organ had me hot for mommy in Never Let Me Go, so Laws of Attraction giving me both in a Be Gay, Do Crime plot was heaven sent. Watching them manipulate and beat up men, knowing they were going home to each other is the energy I need from all my GL plots.

Yuna [Semantic Error]

She rides a bike and has beanies for every occasion. She'd let me wear her hoodies. She'd let me wear her beanies. She let me ride her bike. She'd let me ride her. Her entire demeanor lets me know what's up without her even having to open her mouth, and I've already signed up for a two-month subscription before I even approach her. Whatever she wants to do, I'm down whenever including going down wherever.

Tee [GAP]

Let me say this with my full chest "FUCK, SAM!" If I was Mon, as soon as Tee would've asked my name, it would have been "Sam, who?" because TEE COULD GET IT! I'd let Tee fuck me in front of all her friends and God on that table. Tee's game was unmatched. No hate to Sam being inexperienced, but Tee obviously knew thangs and was more than willing to share her knowledge, anytime, any day, anyway. *bites knuckles*

Phai [My Dear Gangster Oppa]

I don't fuck with cops. But . . . girl definitely knows how to use handcuffs. And the way she always told Muffin to shut up did things to my sacral chakra that told me that even though I don't fuck with the police, I would 100%, without a doubt, fuck the police(woman).

Proud [7 Project]

This is going to be a theme in this list because I don't just want Proud from 7 Project, who deserved so much better than that horrible story. I want Samantha, the person who played Proud. Sammy has been in everything for a solid decade now. She deserves the lead already, and I deserve to watch her and those beautiful lips of hers make out with another girl again! 2024, do me and my girl right.

Luna [Sleep with Me]

She has problems sleeping. Like an actual medical diagnosis. Not even trying to take away from the seriousness of her condition but . . . I've heard intensive physical activity is good for sleep. I'd be more than willing to test this scientific theory out by fucking all night long. It couldn't be just once though. In order to prove a theory, we'd have to do it a couple of times. I'm great at pulling all-nighters and being an enthusiastic participant for *science*

Cher [GAP]

GAP gave me so many beautiful women, and all of them were mean to Sam. Blessed. But my favorite Mean Girl was Cher. I had her for only a few seconds, but I would leave my SO on vacation if I saw her walking through the resort. Her AND her girlfriend could get it. Call me. Beep me. If you wanna reach me.

Ray [Club Friday]

This bitch was crazy. And I. Loved. It. But playing crazy is apparently what this actress does best.

As Ray, she was wildin' out trying to have a baby between her husband, her husband's boyfriend, and her ex-girlfriend, and as Anthika in Midnight Museum, she was wildin' out trying to resurrect the savior. And you know what? I would proudly stand next to her and commit queer wrongs every day instead of demanding she come to her senses if it meant she was making me come every night. Ooookay.

Mayris [The Sign]

Is she open to a two-night stand with a girl? I don't know, but I'm sure the hell gonna try to persuade her.

Ink [Bad Buddy]

There is a reason everyone loved her in that show. In Magic of Zero, Pa was trying her damndest to get Ink to remember her, and girl, same. If I had a girl like Ink, I would be the brattiest bitch. I'd pout until she gave me all of her attention. I'd be pissy if she even looked at someone else. I'd want her all to myself and she'd have to lose her job because I'd keep her in the bed ALL DAY. Well, not the bed. We could pull a Pat and Pran and fuck on the couch, the kitchen counter, and outside after drinking.

The One to Rule Them All

Sine Inthira, the person, not the character.

I want this woman carnally. She could tell me to shut up in front of my friends and God, and I WOULD DO IT! She could say something that went against all my feminist beliefs, and I would not give one fuck. I would ruin my life for this woman. I would be peak toxic for this woman. Why The Eclipse cast her as the teacher and tried to make me feel bad for Khao's character was the rudest thing to ever happen in my bisexual existence, but I know where my heart lies because I was telling Ayan to shut the fuck up and let my beautiful angel speak.

LOOK AT HER! If y'all ever hear of an American sitting in a Thai jail after chasing after this woman, know that American is me because my ass will not be sane if I see her in person.

I'm only tagging one person in this list of women I want carnally.

💙Daddy💙

@dribs-and-drabbles, I'd love to know who you want helping you break in that bed after you move it in this weekend. You've been so focused on shared clothing when all I want to know is whose do you want to take off.

[sparkanonymous]

Let me ramble about my ship opinions real quick. I gotta say something to somebody while my siblings procrastinate watching what's available.

⚠️ Total Drama Reboot Season 2 Spoilers ⚠️

We're gonna talk about the canon ships this time. It makes it easier to talk about.

Caleb x Priya

They might not have gotten together yet, but Millie said that Priya has a crush on him. I really don't see this one. She showed no interest in him the first season - probably didn't help that he was only in one episode - so the first sign of interest from her was when Priya had mentioned looking him up on social media. I don't like Caleb as a character very much; I think he's kind of boring. Plus, it still feels like the writers don't really know what to do with him since he's barely done anything yet, besides literally carrying his team in the third episode. The writer's paired them up as the strong couple and haven't really gone beyond that yet. I personally would've wanted Damiya because there was a more interest last season and because Damien is just a better character, in my opinion.

0/10

Raj x Bowie

This relationship is by far one of the more nuanced ones we've gotten out of Total Drama as a whole; Gwent and Duncney were great in their first season, but after that, they made it so painful for me to like them. If you look at my profile, you can tell Rajbow is one of my favorites. I think they're cute, and I hope that we get to see them be assholes to other people together at some point. Maybe even with Wayne included. Hell, I'll just take fanfiction if the writers don't provide. I like that they're spending more time together doing various things and that Raj isn't afraid to scold Bowie when he thinks he's doing something wrong. I think they have an easier time discussing things, even if Bowie is technically lying to Raj right now about not cheating. A lot of their bonding felt a little rushed last season. There was the scene where they were going to talk by the lake, right before Julia found out about the video posted on her social media account (does she still have that account?). That was only a ten second scene. There were so many quick moments, blink and you'll miss them. They're more obvious now, longer too. I like that.

10/10

MK x Julia

I know I said canon ships, but... but COME ON. This is canon. I'm not taking any other opinions. Anyway, I did notice when people started shipping these two last season, and I'll be honest; I didn't see it. This new season, though, has made me see a new light. I think the writer's felt like they had more leeway and like they had a better grasp on these two's personalities. MK was always a bit of a troublemaker and thief, and she would definitely take the easier way of winning than to actually try if she had the choice. Julia doesn't want to get voted off, so she'll take cheating to win, knowing that she's always on the chopping block when Bowie has both Raj and Wayne on his side. The writer's are really playing up their flirting, too, so whether they actually get together in the season or not, their relationship will not be forgotten.

9/10

Ripper x Axel

I'm gonna be so for real right now; this caught me so off guard. Out of all the characters they wanted to pair up, I didn't think Ripper would be an option. I do like him more this season, but he still makes me kind of uncomfortable, especially in the second episode where he butters himself up while only wearing his swimsuit. I cringe. Axel being into him? For why? I don't know what's going on up in that brain of hers, but this is awesome! I didn't expect to like their relationship as much as I do, and when I found out it was canon, I was buzzing. I don't know why I was so excited, but I was, and that's all that matters to me. I don't like poetry, and neither does Ripper, but the fact he put that aside to impress Axel is really sweet to me. Ripper has officially gotten himself good points and is no longer my least favorite character. I hope these two get along well and don't do the thing Emma and Chase did, where they constantly try to get a rise out of the other and break up every twenty minutes. I do believe we should've gotten more interest in them last season, but I think the only interaction they got was when Axel kicked Ripper off the ship.

7/10

I do feel bad for the Axel x Nichelle shippers, but just because it's not canon doesn't mean that you should stop shipping it. Both Axel and Ripper are a bit fruity anyway, so even if they hadn't gotten together, they would've been shipped with other characters by the fandom regardless.

[stickyricewithmangosauce]

Character who should have died in Naruto

I'm still pissed that there was a war but hardly anyone died that was important to the viewer. The war arc was complete shit anyway and shouldn't have happened in such a form -

So here is my super important opinion:

Hinata dies instead of Neji to protect Neji. In my opinion it was just tasteless anyway. There was a great battle between Naruto v. Neji; Free Will v. Fate; in that Naruto proved to him that it wasn't Neji's fate to die for the Main Branch, only to end up dying for the Main Branch. That the heiress of the Hyuuga clan dies to protect a Branch Family member would be a breaking of the circle.

Tsunade dying in the Pain Arc while protecting Konoha. The arc would have been the great end of the Sannin. Instead of Hinata, Tsunade protects Naruto. Tsunade's goal was to protect Naruto's dream and by protecting Naruto, she also protects the dream of Dan, Naruto and her brother. Both Jiraya and Tsunade die knowing that they did everything for their goal and left a legacy in Sakura and Naruto. Of course, it goes against the whole thing that Tsunade didn't want to die as sHokage, but honestly? It's a particularly good death when not all your dreams have come true.

After the Pain Arc, at least 1/3 of Konoha's population should have remained dead. No Rinne Rebirth, no 'it's all good, nothing happened'. I just wouldn't let Kakshi die instead.

Ibiki dies in the war. Remember that gross guy with the scars from the Chunin Exam? Yep, that guy. So first off, I'd give him more screen time simply because he's doing important work that should also be important to the story, but also because he's a pillar of Konoha that was just too constant and secure to not bring down. After all, we are at war, no one is safe.

Someone from the Suna siblings dies in the war. Be it Gaara, Kankuro or Temari. Three siblings, all on the front lines. All survive? I do not think so.

Orochimaru stays dead. I'm so pissed that the characters in Naruto can't just stay dead. It takes away the importance, the finality. Why should anyone take any death seriously when you just walk around reviving everyone?

Gai dies after opening all 8 gates. Even though the death hurts me the most, because fuck he is one of my favorite characters, but it would just make sense. Actually it means that you can't survive after opening the 8 gates. It should stay that way. He did great as it was his goal and in the end he also got his eternal rival by being the only one who could do something against Madara. Gai should have killed Madara too, but that's not possible because the MC always has to do the final blow

Choji dies in the Sasuke Revival Arc. I'm not 100% sure about that one. But it would have simply once again set a sign that the feel good anime Naruto is over and after the time skip the seriousness begins. It would also have clarified again in which world they live. The death of a 12 year old is relatively normal in this world. Choji's death would have been tragic, but it feels necessary.

Finally, someone from Team 7 should have died. I can't decide who it should have been. Kakashi wouldn't fit in my opinion. His curse has always been to survive everything and I'm not willing to give him his peace and follow Gai into the afterlife. Sakura would feel like a slap in the face, because damn, the bitch finally deserved to get something done. Naruto is a no-go, so it would probably come down to Sasuke. With him, the Uchiha clan will end, breaking the cycle of hate by dying for his team, his family. He would be the last death in the war, bringing peace as one of the few Uchiha.

These are just ideas. At the end of the day, I think Kashimoto showed complete ignorance to the horror of war by making the ending all lovey-dovey and with hardly any casualties. War leaves scars and wounds that never fade and never close. War changes everything, even if you survive and arrive home, it will not feel the same

[bonesandthebees]

Hi again Bee.

Thank you for lending an ear to listen even if I just kinda showed up. I really appreciate it. I've actually been reading through some of your other stories and they're very good (I adore the fae works!).

When it comes to Wilbur, I'm just. Very disappointed and upset. Of course I support Shubble and am glad she spoke out, it's very important and I'm glad that it's encouraged others to come forward with their own stories of abuse at the hands of large creators. At the same time though part of me wishes she hadn't said anything, so I could have continued as I was, in blissful ignorance, even if I feel really guilty for thinking like that.

It just saddens me that someone I looked up to so much ended up being this horrible person. It makes me worried that I too am bad, that somehow he has imprinted his awfulness unto me. I used to be horrible too. I like to think I've grown as a person, I was only a kid, but have I? Or was being drawn to Wilbur a sign? Like attracting like?

Y'know, I used to say that my hair style goals were how Wilbur's hair is, and recently I got a haircut. When I took a shower earlier it ended up floofing up in a similar way to his. I don't know how to feel about that. Maybe I should style it differently, even though I like the floof. I don't want to be even a little reminiscent of an abuser.

I am reminiscent of him though, in ways I can't change. I used to feel so seen by him, we're both song writers, and hypochondriacs, and I wanted to be him so badly I would cry. I would cry because he was everything I desperately craved to be as an insecure transmasc, an attractive guy with a beautiful voice and an amazing life. And now he's horrible, and probably always has been, and all of my memories of him are tainted.

I hate that I can't listen to Lovejoy anymore. It feels unfair to the other band members. It isn't their fault Wilbur is awful, and yet I'm taking away a source of their income. I know I'm taking away from Wilbur too, but he's only one person out of the group. Maybe that's just me giving an excuse so that I won't have to stop enjoying their music. It doesn't matter, I can't stomach listening to them anymore anyways.

I keep getting songs from YCGMA stuck in my head. It's like now that I can't listen to it anymore my brain has decided to fuck with me by making me listen to it anyways. I can't even justify listening to that album, that's just Wilbur's music. I was going to cover a song from that album for fun. Now I can't.

Is it bad I still find comfort in Wilbur as a character? C!Tommy is my favorite, but C!Wilbur is almost always a huge part of any C!Tommy story and I love C!Wilbur stories too. I know C! ≠ CC! but I just. It's complicated.

Idek why I'm this upset. I haven't been an avid watcher of anyone in the DSMP in at least over a year. If anything this whole thing has brought me back into the fandom more than I have been in ages. I feel bad about that, but also this situation has introduced me to people like Aimsey, whose content I'm seeing more of and I find myself enjoying.

I've also found more great DSMP fics lately in my quest to binge read them before the mass deletions start. Is it bad to find good things in a bad situation?

I'm sorry for the lack of put togetherness and the length of this ask. I promise I'm usually more coherent and to the point.

-Tech (just call me Tech like a name, "tech anon" feels weird heh)

hey tech, sorry for a bit of a late reply I've been busy the past few days

(sorry about the 'tech anon' thing, it's just a habit since that's how I refer to most of my anons. I'm going to still tag your ask as tech anon though just for my tagging system if that's okay)

I'm so glad you like the fae stories!! I'm still so proud of both of those looking back on them

anyway, yeah, I get that. I get the guilty wish that none of this had ever come out so you could just continue to go on in blissful ignorance. when someone learns something very upsetting, it's only natural to feel like you wish you never learned that. you don't need to feel guilty for that. you're not a bad person for your emotional reactions to things. your actions are what matters.

also, you are in no way a bad person because you were drawn to wilbur's content. the persona wilbur put on for the internet was not representative of who he actually was. you were drawn to the facade. an illusion of the person wilbur could've been, if he actually practiced the things he preached. you said you used to be a bad person, but you've changed. the fact that you are worried at all that you might still be bad shows a level of self-awareness and concern that wilbur apparently did not have. because wilbur was aware he was a bad person and treated the people around him terribly, but he didn't care to try and be better. as long as you're trying to be better, you're already leagues ahead of him.

also, regarding the hair, the floofy fringe is an incredibly common haircut. that is not exclusive to wilbur soot. you do not look like him if your hair does the floof similarly to his, it just makes you look like thousands of other dudes with fluffy fringe.

the day after shelby first streamed I had an MSR song stuck in my head and I hated it so much. it really sucks. you just have to try and drown it out with other music

it's not hypocritical at all to still find comfort in c!wilbur. I know it's complicated, and there's so much discussion I could get into as to why it's so complicated, but we can all separate the guy and the character in our heads. there's no reason to feel guilty about that. and there's also nothing bad about finding good in this situation. I think it's really sweet that you've found so many great fics in this time and I'm so glad you've been getting comfort from them. you're appreciating the authors hard work and that's a good thing! you don't need to feel bad about that

I hope you're doing okay tech

[imjust-a-funnysimp]

Tolerate it

Okay, so hi! I've been debating if I should post this or not for a really long time but I've finally decided to it, anyway, this is my first time writing and actually posting a fic so sorry if it sucks, also english is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes. I was listening to tolerate it on repeat and wanted to be sad so I made this.

Content Warnings: This is just sad lol, no happy ending, feeling unworthy and like a second choice, mentions of drinking, and overall sadness (If there's something else plese let me know)

Your life hasn't always been easy, a constant sequence of downs and lowers, never having anything worth fighting for. It was hard to just watch life pass you by when you had nothing to look forward to, but you kept pushing despite every adversity, every fall and every challenge, you didn’t even know why you kept going, but there was this involuntary pull to it. That was, until Spencer showed up.

It was just another day at work, giving books recommendations, checking people’s purchases and keeping the store organized. You were in the back when he arrived, too distracted to even hear the bell indicating a new customer, too lost in thoughts to notice the tall man walking among the shelfs, only really seeing him during his check out, finally noticing his messy hair, sparkling eyes and sweet smile.

“This is a really good choice.”

“You think? It’s my first try with this author.” His voice sounded a little insecure and topped with an awkward smile.

“If you want I can help find his best ones” 

“Could you? That would be great actually!”

 It was a simple and a bit awkward first interaction, and even though you thought he was adorable and you wanted nothing more than to get to know him better, you knew that interaction would probably be all you would get. But he came back, almost every Friday at 6pm. With time the conversation got easier and easier, and with every new thing you learned about him you’d find yourself falling more and more for Dr. Spencer Reid, and before you noticed you were going to your first date.

Spencer was like a ray of hope in your tragic play of a life, always making everything better, giving you little notes with the coffee he would bring you almost every morning, calling you when he was away to ask about your day and giving you the love and attention you had never had in your life. It was like you finally found out why you kept going despite everything, why you had never given up, you were meant to find him, to love him. The first two months of your relationship were like a cheesy movie, all those things you mocked about romance novel’s your entire life happening to you and changing the way you saw everything all at once.

❧

When you look back now you think the signs had always been there, you were just too in love to notice them at first.

You were together for seven months when you met the team, of course you had heard everything about them, especially  JJ, everything about JJ. 

You always tried not to let it get to you, she was Spencer's best friend after all, had been for years now, she was the mother of his godson for god’s sake, he would obviously talk about her. It was just the way he did so, so enthusiastically, with so much love and admiration, and ever so often that would make you think that maybe there was something more to it. 

The worst was always when he would find a way to compare the two of you, when you tried to make his favorite dish and he spent hours talking about that was her speciality, the time you told something funny that happened at work and he used it as way to tell what Jennifer had done during a meeting, or even the time you messed up his coffee and he slipped saying JJ would never do something like that, of course he immediately noticed and tried to fix it with a “only because she knows me for so long”. 

You tried not to give in to your paranoia but it was hard, especially right now, when you were sitting in the corner, watching the way he would throw his head back laughing about something she said, the way he would instinctively reach for her while talking, but nothing compared with the way he looked at her, like she was the only one there, like the rest of the world didn’t even existed, you knew that look, it was exactly how you looked at him.

“What are you doing sitting here all by yourself sweet pie?” Penelope’s voice brought you back to reality, forcing you to put a fake smile on your face.

“Just taking a break, gathering up energy you know.”

She sat by your side with drinks and a wide smile, immediately following your eyes to see what had got your attention. 

“They have always been like this you know, it’s just how they are, JJ always had this instinct to take care of everyone around her, and Reid is just, something about him just screams ‘take care of me’ you know.” 

“Oh, I know, he told me everything possible about her.” 

You didn’t mean to sound so bitter, or maybe you did, with the alcohol in your system and all the feeling you had been bottling up there was no way of knowing for sure. 

“So he told you that it didn’t work out right?” Penelope was so involved in trying to make you feel better that she didn't notice the confused look on your face. “I mean, he did liked her, really liked her, but it wasn’t like that for JJ, that’s why their date didn’t worked out.”

Pieces started falling into place in your head, you could see everything coming together, he liked her, probably loved her for the looks of it, he tried to make it work, god he wanted that, you weren’t crazy. Penelope’s face dropped when she realized he hadn’t shared that information with you. 

“Oh honey, no… That’s in the past for b-”

“Do you think maybe it’s still there? For him at least?”

“No, absolutely not, Reid loves you, he really does. I’m sorry, if I knew you had questions about it I would’ve never told you this.” 

It took about fifteen minutes to convince Garcia you were fine, that it wasn’t her fault and listen to all of her reasons of why she knew for sure Spencer loved you. You didn’t know what else to do to calm the sweet woman in front of you, so you did the last thing you wanted, stood up and offered your hand saying you needed to dance the alcohol off your system or something like that. It turned out to be actually a good thing, got you off your head for a while, just having fun with her, Emily and Derek who had joined the two of you, you were able to forget it all until it was time to leave. 

On the way home you decided to ask Spencer about what Penelope has told you, it was the first time you fought, he got all defensive, especially when you confronted him about his feelings, and when you told everything that bothered you about the situation he just brushed it off like it was all in your head. 

When you were in the safety of your home you allowed the tears to fall, because you had your answer, he never said yes, but the extremes he went to deny it couldn’t have been more clear. 

❧     

Things weren’t the same after that, Spencer acted like nothing happened and you tried to do that too, but things were different, there were uncomfortable silences instead of random chats, calls became something rare just like the little love notes you had gotten used to, he rarely invited you to go out with the team and the distance between the two of you was palpable. You knew it wasn’t right and it wasn't how you wanted things to be, you couldn’t spend the rest of your life wondering if the man by your side was thinking of someone else, but you weren’t ready to give up on him yet, even though it hurted to know that he would never love you as much as you loved him.

But he seemed to be really trying and that's why you had agreed to have lunch with him today, he would pick you up at work and take you somewhere he thought you would like, he had it all planned , every second of it, then why was he twenty minutes late? You checked your messages but there was nothing there, you tried to call only to hear his voice mail message, thinking that maybe he was stuck at work, you decided to surprise him by going there with some coffee and donuts. But you were welcomed by an empty desk. 

“Hey pretty girl.” Morgan entered the bullpen with a smiley Penelope by his side. “Looking for Reid?”

“Yeah, we were supposed to have lunch together but he didn't show up.”

They looked at each other trying to communicate without words before turning back to you, Penelope with the most caring and concerned eyes you've ever seen. 

“Where is he?” You knew it wasn’t anything serious otherwise you would’ve known, but by their looks it wasn’t good either. 

“He went out for lunch… With JJ.”  

Morgan’s voice was gentle, almost apologetic, Garcia was saying something but you couldn’t hear, your head spinning while your heart finally broke, leaving you with an empty chest and the most excruciating pain you've ever felt. Thoughts were racing in your mind going from a simple “this isn’t fair” to a painful “what am I supposed to do now”. 

They offered if you wanted to sit and wait, sensing that something was wrong, but you couldn’t, you had to move, walk away from that building, go somewhere you could breathe, why was it so hard to breathe? You needed to be alone, just you and your aching heart, so you choked out an excuse about having to go back to the shop, leaving the coffee with them and almost running to the elevators. 

You wished you had never met him, this isn’t fair,  you wish he never made you fall for him, this isn’t fair, you wish you didn’t love him as much as you did THIS ISN’T FAIR! Tears clouded your vision making it impossible for you to distinguish anyone in front of you, so you only noticed the pair leaving the elevator when you nearly bumped into the blonde woman.

“Hey, it’s everything okay?” JJ’s voice was laced with concern matching her expression when you looked up. This whole thing just kept getting worse by every second.

“Yeah, I-uh…”

“Honey what happened?” 

More tears spilled from your eyes when you heard his voice, the overwhelming pain multiplying from knowing you had to say goodbye to the sound you had grown so fond of. 

“Please talk to me.” His hands cupped your cheeks trying to get your attention, hazel eyes widened with concern searching your face for an answer. 

“Not here.” 

Your voice was barely a whisper and you had no idea how he managed to hear it, but he nodded and gently took your hand guiding you to an empty room. He was so delicate as if with the smallest touch you could break, he looked at you in such a tender way it made your heart ache more, if only he wasn’t so good and kind to you this would be easy, if he wasn’t so lovable, so… Spencer, this whole thing would’ve been easier. 

You wished you could find a different solution for this, that there were a way to save this sinking ship, but you knew there wasn’t, no matter how hard you tried there was no going back, you deserved to love someone and be loved in the same amount, you couldn’t spend the rest of your life loving for two because you would never be the number one for your partner. It wasn’t fair to yourself. You deserved more.

“We were supposed to have lunch today, remember?” 

His eyes filled with confusion shortly followed by guilty when he realized what had happened, he opened and closed his mouth trying to come up with something to say but you didn’t let him, you couldn’t because he would know all the right things to say like he did in the past months and you wouldn’t be able to end this.

“I can’t I- I tried, so hard, to keep going, to play along and act like nothing was wrong but I can’t do that anymore, I just can’t Spencer.”

Your voice was just as broken as you felt.

“What? What are you talking about? I thought this was about forgetting lunch!” 

“But it wasn't just forgetting lunch! It’s everything Spence! She’s everywhere!” It felt good to finally put your thoughts out, made breathing a bit easier.

“Is this about JJ again? Jesus we talked about this already!”

“No we didn’t! You brushed it off, you always do!”

“I liked her in the past, so what? I had lunch with her today, so what?!” He was exasperated now, running his hands through his hair and his face in distress. 

“Except it wasn’t just lunch Spence! It’s everything, the way you look at her, the way your always around her anywhere, how you compare everything I do to something she d-”

“I don’t do that!”

“Yes you do! And the worst part is that you don’t even notice! There wasn’t a single thing that I’ve done all this time we’ve been together that you simply enjoyed, there was always a comment involving JJ, sometimes it would be just a silly story but sometimes it was more, and god it hurts so much, to see that the person you love don’t love you the same way. I can’t keep going like this, I can’t pretend anymore it hurts too much, I love you Spencer, god knows how much, but I- I just can’t live like this.”

The silence fell heavy between you, he looked desperate with his messed up hair and tears filling his eyes when he finally understood the awful situation you were in. You on the other hand were calm, maybe for the first time in a long time, your heart was broken in a million pieces and you could feel the tears streaming down your face but your head was quiet, there was just this feeling that despite the pain you were doing the right thing, the pain would pass eventually and you would be stronger after, you deserved it, to feel calm and happy and loved, life had been hard for long enough, it was time for the next act, you felt it deep in your soul.

“Yes I love JJ but-” He ran his hand through his hair.

Love not loved. 

‘But it’s in the past’, ‘but I love you more’, ‘but there’s just you now’, ‘But nothing compared to what I feel for you’. Your head filled with possibilities, with things you wanted him to say, if he said any of those, maybe it would be fine, it would make the whole situation less miserable.

“But she’s with Will, and there’s Henry-” 

You stopped listening, only hearing a low buzzing while your heart broke one last time, but at least now it meant there was nothing else to break, no more pain to come. You whipped the tears away and took a deep breath before speaking.

“If it wasn’t for it, if she was free and decided to give the two of you one more chance, would you stay with me?” Your voice was low now, you were too tired.

“She wouldn-"

“Hypothetically.” 

His Silence was all the answer you needed, knowing him he had probably calculated all the possibilities of that happening, you sighed and reached for the doorknob with an exhausted smile. 

“I deserve more than this, my love should be celebrated not just tolerated while you wait for another woman.” You stopped with your hand on the door, looking back at him one last time, your voice stronger now. “I feel bad for you Spence, because my pain won’t last forever, I’ll get over you eventually. But you will be stuck like this, always loving a woman that can’t love you back.” You knew it was a nasty thing to say and really petty of you but you didn’t really care, you wanted to hurt him at least a little bit. “We are the same after all.” 

With that you left, leaving him behind, the pain in your chest would heal one day, it would take time but the wound would close, and that was okay, it was your life after all, you were used to it. You saw him trying to run to the elevator but it was already too late, you stood there giving him a little wave while the doors closed, you knew right there that a part of you would always love him, he showed you what love was after all, showed you that life could be good, you loved him, but now you understood that loving yourself was important too, and right now you had to do what was best for yourself. Sometimes you love someone but it’s not supposed to be, and that hurts like hell but it’s okay, at least you learned something from it.

[naavispider]

Hope this isn’t too random, but a super fluffy idea popped into my head recently and I thought you’d like it:

Remember how in “If you playin me”, Spider likes to play old music on his Ukulele? (or was it a guitar?)

What if he started playing a song that he only knows the notes for, but it happens to be one of Quaritch’s favorite songs, so he starts humming, then hesitantly signing the lyrics, all while Spider can’t believe his ears.

I thought of this while hearing the song “I Walk the Line”, since it gave me Quaritch vibes, but there are a lot of songs that could work.

Anyways, sorry again if this is random, but your fics literally live rent free in my head!

Hey! I am so sorry it's taken me so long to reply! You're right it was a ukulele! 💞 I'd not listened to this song before, but now I have and I love it!

Spider strummed the first chord experimentally, listening to the sound thoughtfully before figuring out a strumming pattern that fit. He had a song in mind, but he hadn't played it in years. He could barely remember the words, but the plucking pattern was so distinctive that once the melody had reoccurred in his mind, he couldn't get it out of his head. He experimented plucking until he found the right sound, and began to hum the tune softly.

He was in a secluded spot near the clearing, passing the time while the rest of the squad cooked the yerik that they'd caught earlier that day. He wasn't supposed to go beyond the treeline, but Spider figured Quaritch wouldn't be too pressed that he'd strayed a little further than normal. He just wanted some privacy.

So it was with a gasp that he spun around at the sound of Quaritch's voice behind him. Immediately he stopped playing, begging his human skin not to flush with embarassment. He hated being snuck up upon.

"Why d'you stop?" Quaritch chuckled softly, eyeing him with what Spider assumed was a patronising glance.

Spider huffed. "Some jackass interrupted me." He turned back around on his fallen tree trunk, showing the Colonel his back and hoping he'd take the hint.

He waited, expecting Quaritch to make a snarky retort and head back to the fire, but there was no sound of movement. Annoyed, he turned back around. "What?"

Quaritch had taken a seat on a different log, with an expectant look on his face. "I'm waiting for you to continue," he said.

Spider laughed sarcastically. "Yeah. Okay. Wait all night then."

"Did you forget the words?" Quaritch asked.

Spider was so disarmed by the question, it took him a moment to form a response. "What? No." What was the guy's problem? Spider just wanted to be left alone.

What happened next was so unexpected that Spider didn't quite know how to feel about it. Quaritch spoke the words that Spider had been searching for ever since the damn melody swam its way back from his memory.

"I keep a close watch on this heart of mine, I keep my eyes wide open all the time I keep the ends out for the tie that binds Because you're mine, I walk the line..."

Spider was shocked. "How do you know that?"

Quaritch laughed. "Am I not allowed to enjoy music? Johnny Cash was a great artist."

Spider threw him a look of utter annoyance. He'd always liked this song. He wasn't sure when he first heard it, but it was wayyy back in his childhood. The fact that Quaritch also liked it? That wasn't fair.

He sniffed. "It's pretty boring, actually."

"Is that why you've been trying to play it for the past hour?"

Spider sighed, bringing a hand up to run it through his hair. The man was too much. "Will you leave me alone or not?" The sounds of the recoms chatting shit around the fire and laughing at Mansk's new roasting suggestions beckoned them both to return.

"Sure, kid," Quaritch rumbled, though not before pausing for a moment to ruffle Spider's hair, successfully displacing the locs he'd just tried to smooth down.

Spider let his scowl reply for him, biting back a retort as Quaritch left him to it, traipsing back through the undergrowth to the centre of camp. He waited until he was definitely back out of earshot before returning to the ukulele.

"I keep a close watch on this heart of mine..."

[seas-storyarchive]

crossover request.

Alastor is the adoptive father of Moxxies Mother Eloise and made a soul deal with her when she moved away. Years later he meets Moxxie thinking he’s Crimson.

--

Alastor.. never really thought he'd be a father. He did regret not leaving his mother any grandchildren after he died, but.. courting a woman hadn't even been on his mind at the time - a creole man making it on to radio, including his extracurriculars.. not a moment to spare.

But here, in hell, he had all the time. As well as a new little one to spend it on. A little baby imp he'd plucked up after an extermination, who's parents had been killed. Little lady had plenty of moxie, fussing against him at first when he'd plucked her up. Only to relax into his arms after a moment.

"My, my.. what a strong little lady you are." Alastor said, now at home and giving the baby a bottle. "Quite the spirit." As he watched her drink, he smiled. "I think I'll call you Eloise. Yes, a fine name for a wonderful little lady."

Okay, so maybe - just maybe - impulsively adopting a baby girl was a bad idea. But.. consider.. Alastor actually had an itch to scratch with his feelings of not having children before death.

He made sure Eloise had everything she needed to succeed in life, teaching her to be a proper lady, and even teaching her some of her grandmother's recipes- not pass them, the memories of his mother, along to his child?? Alastor would rather die again, thanks.

Teaching her to dance, how to speak French, that Jazz was superior music and radio was the best medium to express oneself. It was perfect. And she taught him things too. Patience, happiness, love, every little lesson a parent needed.

The day Eloise brought Crimson home? Alastor nearly waged war upon the demon imp. Nearly. He knew what a sleazeball was, how they acted, and tried to discreetly warn his daughter. But.. Eloise was as stubborn as him, curses. And, one day..

"I'm going to marry him, and move to the Wrath ring. Regardless of if you approve or not, daddy." She said to him, the day before she left actually.

Well.. "I expected this.." Alastor produced a radio and a contract. "This radio belonged to your grandmother, princesse." As Eloise took the radio in her arms, he continued. "It should still pick up my broadcasts, should you want to hear me."

"Oh daddy." Eloise looked from the radio to Alastor, a smile and tears in her eyes. She then noticed the contract, "daddy? What's that for?"

"This, princesse, will let me know how you're doing and if you should need me." Alastor said.

Eloise laughed softly. "Oh daddy, I'll be okay." She smile, signing it anyway. "But I'll sign it, just because I love you."

Alastor smiled, dropping to his knees to pull his daughter into a hug. "Oh, my petite princesse." He kissed her forehead. "I'll keep your favorite station going, always playing your favorites. Day and night."

"Merci papa." The red imp gave her father a kiss on the cheek before pulling away.

"Soyez en sécurité maintenant." Alastor said as he stood up. "Don't make me break all the rings to come find you, princesse."

"I promise I won't, daddy." Eloise said, tears running down her face as she smiled. "Smile daddy, I won't have you without one on the day I leave."

Alastor honored her wish, smiling as she turned and left the house, went off the small porch, and to Crimson's waiting car. He stood and watched them drive off, staying put for hours, before he made his way to the attic for his radio show.

--

Moxxie always listened to his mother, and well.. with his mother. To the old radio that belonged to his great-grandmother. To the station that was always playing.

Sometimes there would be a voice on the station, a soft one who introduced songs or told jokes that were obviously dated, dad jokes.

Moxxie, an observant tot, noticed his mother would always laugh at each one. "Maman, why are you laughing? Those jokes aren't even funny."

"Oh Moxxie, bebe, I forgot. You know this voice on the radio?" Eloise was ashamed of herself, pulling Moxxie onto her lap.

Moxxie nodded. "Yeah.."

"Well, that's your grandfather. He works in radio." Eloise said with a smile.

"Why don't we see him?" Moxxie asked, looking up at his mother.

"Well, bebe.. he and your daddy don't get along. And he doesn't live in Wrath."

"Where does he live?"

"He lives, and don't ever tell your daddy I told you, in the Pride ring."

Moxxie's eyes widened. "He's a mortal?" Even toddlers knew only Mortal Sinners existed on Pride.

Eloise nodded. "Hmm. But he's such a sweet an' loving man." Her smile softened. "I hope we can visit him, one of these days. He'll love you."

Moxxie nodded with a smile. He hoped so. His grandfather sounded nice!

--

The day Alastor felt the contract break - was a dark day indeed. He saw the contract break into bits, and so did his heart. He sobbed in front of the fireplace.

"I- I'm going to kill you, Crimson! Mark my words! You'll be a dead imp when I find you!"

--

Moxxie, now a teenager, curled on his mother's chair. He held the radio, tears in his eyes. There was no music. No voice. No static. There was silence.

"Grandpa.. I- I need to hear your voice.. please.." Moxxie sobbed, clutching the radio tighter.

--

Millie looked at the old radio that her husband had on the coffee table. It had been there since she had moved in, since they got married..

This thing never worked. Just sat there. It was so old. To the point the whole thing was hanging on to a former shell of its glory with duct tape and hope. Moxxie's hope. For what? He never explained. He always just told her it was and heirloom - his great-grandmother had it, his grandfather passed it to his mother, and now it was his.

She jumped when Moxxie called in from the kitchen. "Millie! The beignets are ready!" The mysteries of the radio could wait. It's beignet time!

--

It was Blitz's idea. To go to the Pride Ring. Where there were sinners and debauchery and.. well, it wasn't all that different from Imp City.

Oh! Moxxie had an idea!

He heard the Radio Demon was back. Maybe- just maybe.. he could get his mother's radio back to working order! Maybe he knew his grandfather! He carefully packed the radio, and a photo of his mother, into his backpack before they had to leave.

--

"Hey Al? Um.. who's this?" Alastor had been sitting in his chair, whilst everyone was watching a movie, looking at an old scrapbook. And Charlie had seen one of the pictures.

"This is my daughter." He admitted, smiling as he looked at the picture she had sent him of her wedding to that bastard Crimson - his half was ripped off, by Alastor when that photo arrived.

"No fuckin' way!" Angel was now paying attention.

Alastor nodded, turning the pages to the beginning before flippping the book to show them.

"My daughter, Eloise." He gave them a few seconds to look before flipping the page. "I found her after an extermination."

Charlie cooed at a photo of the little black haired imp with her hair in two puffs while she wore a pink spring dress. "She's so cute!"

"She.. she was my whole world.." Alastor said, his voice heavy, as this was too much. "I.. I'm sorry, I.." he closed the book, and pulled it back to his chest, covering his eyes with one hand as he sobbed.

Lucifer appeared on the arm of his chair, giving the man a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Antlers.. I- I didn't.. I'm sorry, for your loss."

"Alastor.." Vaggie stood up, concerned.

"She- she was taken.. b- by that fucker!" Alastor spoke through his radio, even that was affected.

"Who? Tell me whos I gotta kill fer hurtin' my buddy's familia!" Angel stood up with a 12 gauge in hand - where the hell did he.. nevermind.

"C-"

There was the slamming open of a door.

"Sir!"

"Shut it, Moxxie! You were the one who wanted to see if the Radio Demon was here!"

"Oh.. adoring fans, I see." Hold the fucking phone! The radio and book were gone, and Alastor was back to normal. Fucking psycho. "Come, chums." He instructed, and everyone else just went along with it, "let us greet these wayward.."

There were three red imps standing there. One had large horns, another had black hair and the final one had white hair.

"Hi! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!" Charlie greeted the imps. "I don't know how far imps will get, as it's a first for everyone, but-"

"Whoa! Whoa, lady.. look, we don't want your shitty happy hotel shit." Said the tallest imp.

"Mister Blitz, sir!" The black haired imp scolded. "That's the princess!"

The white haired one spoke up. "Um, what my boss," he gestured to the tallest imp, "and my wife Millie," he took the hand of the black haired imp and kissed it, "mean is.. we're looking for the Radio Demon. See.." He removed his backpack and pulled out the busted radio - only to get attacked by a tendril, dropping the radio and breaking it even further, pinning him to the wall and choking him.

Alastor's eyes were black voids, with radio dials in the center, his teeth flashing as he spoke. "W̸̩̟̋h̷̼͕̆̉ÿ̵̩̣͘ ̶̹͊ḏ̷͛̓o̶̫̽ ̸͓̍̄ͅŷ̶̯̖͠o̸͔͝ṵ̴̮͂ ̶͖̀h̸̗͆a̷̮͓͛v̷̧̌é̴̻̊ ̸̞͝͠m̴̧̰͊̀y̷͔̔̒ ̵̰̲̀̆d̷͔̒͜͝a̸͓̔̂ū̴̱̆g̴̱̈́h̴͚̺̅̅t̶͉͇͗̏e̶̱̽r̴̺̙̃̄'̴͉͋̕s̴̖͌͒ ̴̬̌r̸̗͕̊͝ǎ̵͕̈ͅd̴͈̳̿i̵̯̎̀o̴̫͇̾?"

"It-" Moxxie coughed. "It was my mother's.." he gasped for air, and was ripped from the wall by the tentacle to be face to face with the demon. "M- my dad i- is Crimson.. E- Eloise w- was my mother.." he could barely breath, his vision was failing.

"Drop him!" Blitz pulled out a rifle, sticking his fingers in his mouth and whistling, at the same timd Millie pulled out hers.

"Al!" Charlie tried to calm him down. "Look at him, do you see anything of your daughter in him?"

Alastor was quiet, staring at the demon, before dropping him.

Moxxie coughed, wiping tears from his eyes as he rubbed his eyes. "M- Mom said.. said you worked in radio.. d- didn't think.. you know, sir.."

"Drink." Alastor handed the imp a glass of water, which he drank from.

"What in the world is the matter with you!?" Millie kept her gun trained on Alastor as she walked to her husband, the deer backing away to allow her space.

"You probably just want this," he snapped his fingers, and the radio repaired itself, "fixed and to go about your business-!"

A white shape that was snarling and snapping attacked Alastor. As the hellhound scratched and bit him, Alastor screeched like the seven circles of hell were ripping him apart.

"Loona! Stop!" Moxxie grabbed the gun and shot it into the ceiling. Granted, that made him dizzy from moving so fast, but he had more important things to worry about.

Loona, surprised by the noise, backed up. She kept her eyes on the Radio Demon, snarling as she moved back to her dad.

"Mox! He almost killed- whoa whoa!" Blitz dropped his gun.

"I don't blame my grandfather for that. I look like my dad, and I wish I looked more like my mom.." Moxxie said, lowering the shotgun.

"You have her spirit, kid. You got moxie, in spades, even." Alastor joked, making everyone save for Moxxie groan, sitting up. He offered him a hand. "Allow me to formally introduce myself. Alastor, pleasure to meet-"

Moxxie dropped the gun, turned around and hugged the man, who hugged him back. "You hug like her. I missed her hugs.." he sobbed. "I- I missed hearing your jokes on the radio.. e- even if you weren't in my life, I- I still-" his choked on a sob.

Alastor hugged the little imp close. "Oh, non, non.. grandpa's here. I've got you, mon petite prince."

After watching this for a few minutes - not a soul on either side of the room spoke - Moxxie and Alastor separated.

"Let's start over." Moxxie said with a smile, before clearing his throat and holding out a hand. "My name's Moxxie, pleasure to meet all of you. Truly a pleasure."

[dragonbugsuperior]

MLB Ship Tier

Marigami

ranks at the top because of the their interesting dynamic though they were off to a rocky start due to them being rivals for Adriens affection. I find their moments in the show to be funny, cute, and amusing. (They both enjoy drawing which would be a cute date) I also feel like Kagami would make a great candidate for Ladybugs partner. Shes smart, articulate, efficient, and determined to succeed. Marinette teaching Kagami how to be open with other people and herself, and Kagami teaching Marinette how to be more comfortable in her skin. One of my headcanons and theory is that while everyone may assume Kagami is the top in the relationship its actually marinette, another theory of mine is that Kagami is the top and Marinettes a bratty bottom but canonically they give me switch energy. However like other things and relationshis in the show its a shame how their interactions aren't explored more or touched upon beyond their liking to the same bland white guy (who doesn't deserve either)

Lukanette

This ship is a very sweet ship to me and one that I shipped awhile ago (when it was first introduced) I believe on of the many reasons Adrien stans and love square shippers hated Luka so much was because he did what Adrien couldn't. He's able to give Marinette actual good advice (*cough cough* Adrien take notes) Marinette is comfortable around him so we dokt get embarassing cringey 24/7 and......say it with me everyone

Respects.

Her.

Boundaries.

Awe what's wrong? Adrichat can't do this? What's that?

Ur favorite white catboy is unable to respect his love interests boundaries? But Luka can? Awwww...too bad.

He doesn't push Marinette further than what she's comfortable with and many Adrien stans argue that this makes Luka "bland" (since when is respecting someone bland???) Other than that I like their interactions in Canon, I'm glad he's one of the very few people marinette can actually talk to and doesn't get embarassed around. It feels good to know she liked a guy and was actually able to talk to him. One of my most unpopular and controversial theories is that Luka would make a pretty decent deuteragonist. Seeing how the writers pretty much wrote Luka & Kagami off so they wouldn't tear the love square (they really weren't going to anyway) and broke up the only actual healthy romantic relationship Marinette had, (because Marinette can't have nice things, am I right?) I know for sure there's no reviving Lukanette despite this, it still makes the top of the list. RIP to a really good healthy relationship✊🏾😔

Chloedrien (fanon)

This ship surprisingly ranks high. I can see them together especially in fanon. But because the writers are incompetent in the progression department and development their Canon relationship is definitely lackluster. Chloe invades Adriens space, he's visibly uncomfortable (feel familiar?) Chloe complains about her "Adrikins" Yada Yada. However if the show were written differently and Chloe actually talked to Adrien in attempts to strengthen their friendship I can see a good relationship.

Fela

Not you....

You.

This ship only interests me friendship wise. I can't see Lila and Felix together as a couple in spite of the similar personalities manipulative, cunning, discreet, calucating, and sly. I see power imbalance, trying to outsmart and manipulate each other and both of them being unable to think of anyone but themselves. Which is why a friendly alliance between both anatognists suits better because I can see them easily challenging Marinette and Adrien.

*signs*

Green eyed monsters

Nialya

This Canon couple is pretty decent, the feelings are mutual and we see many episodes with both being concerned about the other one (which is cute) and the consistent normal interactions they have are okay I can definitely see Alya being the dominant one in the relationship.

Lukagami / fanon /

It fanonically works better due to reasons (I'll list for Canon version) but in fanon they work pretty okay. I can see like Marinette & Adrien they're supposed to be opposites despite them having few interactions in the show. It'd be nice see their different personalities communicate. I cant say too much abt them.

Fecloe

This pairing is a easy hit or miss. I can understand them relating to each other as far as their dysfunctional families but I see Chloé annoying Felix with ease. She'd be a childish distraction (i argue the same with her relationship with Lila) and Felix would break up her instantly Felix is the type to basically desensitize himself from any emotions and rationalizes everything. And Chloe already an insecure brat with a touch of entitlement and narcissism is the cherry on top of it all. And with the direction the writers are attempting to go with Felix (being a antihero and having a moral gray compass) I don't see him supporting Chloes unexplained Bullying (which is rlly annoying bc why exactly do we sill not know Chloes reason behind Bullying people especially Marinette for so long?) But yeah this is one of those pairs they could be alright acquaintances at best but....romantically no. And working together? Hell no.

Alyanette

It's already bad enough their friendship isn't healthy with alya not respecting marinettes feelings or boundaries actively going against marinettes wishes and attempting to get her and Adrien together (physically holding her hands in place likes thats totally ok) thinking she knows what's best for marinette than marinette herself and not even trusting Marinette enough to believe she wouldn't do certain things (but a girl u just met can be trusted?) The OOC writing these past seasons is so painful to watch it makes my ass itch. I can already see her being overbearing and domineering in the dynamic. In Canon their personalities complement well however I don't see the connection romantically

Chlila

This dynamic is better as close acquaintances who help each other sometimes. (Keep in mind sometimes) Like Chloes relationship with Felix the one with Lila is no different as she would clash with her constantly. I also feel like Lila's the more rational one with the plan and Chloe is more impulsive and dives into things for the fun of it. Automantucally making their motives contrast and their characters. Their relationship reminds me alot of Cleo and Torelai's relationship (Monster high) I believe seeing more interactions between the two would be fun.

Lukagami / Canon/

Ah yes, the love rivals who could've served as good development and plot progression but like everything else with this garbage dump of entertainment, they never met their full potential. I don't ship this ship because it feels more like a way to bring them further away from the Love Square and just a way for people to say "hey on the bright side everyone wins!" But luka and kagami deserve better than to be casted as plot devices , which it feels like than it does a actual genuine ship and the only time we really seem them interact directly is in Determination which was centered around Marinette & Adriens relationship (its almost like they said "Hey! Fuck any progress we almost made, let's write the characters completely OOC and inconsistent moving forward. Either way the ship could work....but with how the show is already written I wouldn't pair them as a couple canonically.

Lukzoe

This ship isn't bad it's cute however I wouldn't pair them together canonically or in fanon I like how the writers already have Zoe liking Marinette and I honestly like Luka and alot of other characters without a relationship because I feel like it isnt needed. Though I feel like their friendship would be amazing.

Feligami

A controversial Canon ship that I had to recheck to see if it was actually Canon before saying

What the hell.

This ship is another hit or miss and to be honest I feel like the writers knew that they'd have to write Kagami and Felix OOC for this pairing to work in the first place. The pairing feels like a cop out for Kagamis unresolved feelings for Adrien and the writers went "Oh yea! Let's pair her with Felix, Adrien's "evil" twin" who happens to look just like Adrien just is less "Nice" having the ability to stand up for what he actually believes in and for Felix....I cant see him in a relationship. He's one of those characters that I feel does really well solo (like Lila) when u add people in the bunch it mushes his characterization up. They decide to pair them up in Representation and the two get into a secret relationship. They pair Kagami with Felix guys. The same guy who SH Ladybug, wiped all of Paris out (except for 3 people), as if that wasn't bad enough they have them both conspire a plan to deceive Marinette (so much for being marinettes friend). Kagami defends her newfound boyfriend to Ladybug and Chat Noir in Pretension. I liked Kagami better single, it's almost as if she had "more" braincells that way.

Lilanette

Aside from the pair being abusive and toxic, their interactions as enemies canonically are interesting. I'm interested in knowing just how far Lila's willing to go with Marinette with her lies and deceit, thus shipping doesn't work as a couple undoubtedly because of how abusive it is and I can't see Lila caring abt Marinette as much as Marinette would Lila (if she werent a villain) Feels more like a cat and mouse dynamic.

Lilalya

Lila and Alya feel lackluster to me and Canon makes my feelings on them no better. Their relationship in the show doesnt even make the slightest bit of sense. Firstly I'll say in the beginning when we first meet Lila her lies are believable but as time goes by and seasons go on the lies get less and less convincing and Lila isn't seen as this smart evil genius (she wasnt even before just a manipulative insecure teenage girl who wants attention wherever she can get it because her caregiver(s) neglect her ) the class including Alya shouldn't even be this dense still after 5 seasons in, just shows u how bad the writers of this show are at writing a believable consistent storyline and characters. I feel like Lila would love bomb Alya until she squeezes all the juicy information and benefits she can get from her then hang Alya out to dry.

Adrigami

I wouldn't have much of a problem with this ship if it weren't for.......the one and only notorious bland...blonde....the Adrien Agreste (the main reason I also don't support the love square) While I see them understanding where they both come from, I honestly can't see a what Kagami seen in Adrien. He's blander than oatmeal, and is described as not just by the Fandom but the shows creator himself "this perfect, innocent, catboy whos sheltered from the world and needs protecting and sympathy all. the. time. boo hoo. Not only did he lie to Kagami, which led to the breakup, but he technically cheated on her. by harassing his partner Ladybug (who clearly tells him she doesn't like it almost.every. episode.) while in a relationship with Kagami. Them being together doesn't feel rewarding seeing how he has treated her and how he treats other female characters in the show in general, especially Ladybug/Marinette. She deserves a lot better than what Adrien has to offer, and so does Marinette.

The Love Square

Ah yes, saved the best for last, this quadrupled pair ranks lowest of all for many reasons, if u didn't know by now, now u know I hate the Love Square and the message it sends the audience. If it isn't Marinettes forced embarrassment and humiliation to cover for the writers blatant misogyny and racism because Marinettes character persecution is set up as the shows comedy go to and her struggles are made out for a "good laugh" because thats really funny Thomas.....haha. Then theres Adriens problematic creepy predatory harassment towards Ladybug that's seen as generally "ok!" And cute and romantic *kiss kiss* he does as Chat Noir bc no one knows whos under the mask leaving him to get away scots free the general message it sends is its okay to keep harassing the target of your affections with enough determination and charisma added with a sob story you'll get them in the end. Doesn't matter if they're visibly uncomfortable or disgusted doesn't matter if they vocally say they don't reciprocate ur feelings all u gotta do is Try try try again!

Let's not even get started with how bad Adrien's jealousy gets....

Right.

He gets antsy whenever he sees a new Temp helping LB out as if he actually helps her in a major way anyway. He refuses to help her when she declines his romantic offers and grows really petty, snarky & sarcastic when things generally don't go his way with her. He doesn't take his job serious enough to even have his spot as a permanent miraculous holder and not to mention one of the most powerful miraculous there is "misusing the miraculous many and multiple times, making corny embarrassing puns and failed flirtations during battle essentially distracting Ladybug making her job harder. I honestly don't think it'd be much of a difference if he weren't chat noir.

Not to mention the double standard that exists between Marinette and Adrien in general

Marinettes' actions while problematic are checked in the show like her exaggerated obsessiveness, jealousy tendency, impulsive issues, and awkwardness around Adrien (and by many fans, sometimes to the point of bashing and purposely highlighting what has already been established) Adriens are all glossed over and we're expected to feel sorry for him. His dad abuses him and his mommy is nowhere to be found so now the writers use our female protagonist as emotional support when she herself needs emotional support. The writers are so bad at writing they can't even make the main couple communicate clearly and simply ever. Thomas himself goes out of his way to say to the world "Adrien is not flawed, the world is" yet his stans have the audacity to say mArinEtTes mOre Of a MarY sUe thAn He iS!. Her jealousy is called out but Chat Noirs is swept under the rug and is seen as her responsibility. Let's not mention how literally every female character that has had interest in Adrien has been pitted against Marinette but Luka, Nathaniel, and Adrien coexist just fine in kumbaya because remember kids

"Girls are spiteful petty backstabbing and catty while boys are practically angels who see each other as /bros/"

While also saying in the same breath this show is all about "girl empowerment " but has the white male deuteragonist harass, abuse, and manipulate our biracial female protagonist for 5 seasons straight, right?

Just making sure.

[thoseyoulove]

@probablynottola thank you for tagging me! I love this games and also love Ted Lasso! I almost used it here, but thought the answers would be too repetitive so went with something different hehe.

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better

@black-market-wd4o, @voiddusk, @kaokhss, @ellavrena, @jaypentaghast, @andy4yippee, @unhinged-nonsense, @gayboymolloy, @hearfrost, @waterghoulcalamity

P.S. As I edited this on my drafts, some of the blogs I'd successfully tagged got unmarked and I don't know why? So I'm keeping it anyway in case it does show up on the notifications or people see it on their dash and want to play. No pressure tho. ^^ x

I choose:

Interview With the Vampire.

Stranger Things.

Shadow and Bone (going with the books because I'm not caught up on the show, but I did love season 1!).

The first character you loved:

Lestat, but things shifted pretty quickly to Louis, Claudia, Armand, Louis again and so on... But I guess he was the first because I wish I had his confidence.

El.

Alina.

The character you relate to most:

I relate to a lot of things with all of them, the least would be Daniel, but I still have one or two things in common with him. It's hard to say, but I think Claudia is a safe choice. She's definitely one of them and could definitely be the very first.

Will.

It depends, but Alina or Genya.

The character you'd slap:

ALL OF THEM except Claudia.

Lonnie. Would happily kill him with my bare hands.

The Darkling. Would happily give him the slowest, loneliest and most painful death in the world tbh.

Three favorite characters in order of preference:

Like I said, at this point it really depends on the episode. Sometimes I don't know who to choose even on one scene with just two people. Things are that balanced for me, which is a testimony of how mind-blowing the acting and writing are on this show. It's so satisfying to not be able to choose because all the options are amazing, I hope that never changes.

Will, El, Mike.

Alina = Mal, Genya.

A character you liked at first but don't like anymore:

Santiago. I hate him as a person, love him as a character, cheered when he died and applaud Ben Daniels for his amazing work. All reactions can and do coexist in me.

The only one I can think about is One? I mean, he is supposed to be the character you root against because of spoilery reasons, but I did like him at first. And I did see that plot twist coming from miles away. And it was still one of my favorite scenes from all time anyway because it was that powerful to see. Emmy material. And while I root against him, I still love him as a character. Wow. Such an upgrade in that category of specific type of characters. I love it.

I don't think there's one? Now that I'm thinking about it, I believe this story actually didn't have any traitors or characters that frustrated me? I started and finished the books loving/hating the same people, the only ones that I changed my opinion about grew on me after their development, never the other way around. Unless I'm forgetting something.

A character you did not like at first but now do:

Armand. It was more of a neutral opinion than dislike or hate. There wasn't much to know about him on season 1, but now... I'm obsessed. Assad is a wonderful actor, he stole the scene several times and gave me some of my favorite moments in the history of television.

Steve. I think the writers didn't know what to do with him at first, so he behaved in bad ways that really don't make sense with the person he turned out to be. It wasn't even like "wow, what a great character development", because he has absolute no signs of that guy anymore. It just feels like a totally different character at this point, but in a good way. He's my favorite among the teenage characters.

Zoya.

Three OTPs:

So I don't have OTPs that easily, it depends a lot on the writing, chemistry and the characters having a good amount of screen time for a pairing to get on OTP level for me. But here we go:

OTP

SHIP that has potential to become otp depending on future development

Ship I like and I root for, but some things are still missing for me OR there's probably not enough time left for it to become a full otp at this point

LOUSTAT? Okay, these two I'm not sure if they are a ship or straight-up OTP to me, I'm still figuring it out, but they're my favorite so far. Also, the church scene and the hug are my top 3 of favorite scenes on the show and some of my favorite on anything I've ever watched. I think Loustat will go down in history not only as one of the biggest pairings on TV shows, but also as the only one that fully explored all the depths of a relationship and even the depths of existence for the characters as individuals. The good, the bad, the ugly, the complicated. There's nothing else out there with that caliber of writing, chemistry, details and layers. At least not so far. And I'm in for it. ARMANDIEL, I need more time, but I'm invested. I haven't read the books, but everything I hear about Devil Minion sounds so compelling. And that scene with young Daniel is the other scene from my IWTV top 3. It's one of my favorite scenes ever as well. The chemistry was out-of-this-world and I hope they develop their dynamic on both timelines. LESMAND, I need more and I'm incredibly invested too. Everything about them on the books just sounds so insane. That scene they had alone, the chemistry was fantastic and so hypnotizing... They could be as explosive as Loustat, but in a totally different way if the writers want. I'll probably still root for the endgame ships, because that's what they'll spend more time with anyway, but I could accept any, each and everything they give me because the chemistry between all the duos is that incredible. Even Loumand, that sank pretty fast in the narrative, I loved their flirty and courtship phase so much. I'd also accept a large polyamorous ship if they gave me, but we know those vampires would kill each other and themselves because they can't really share lol. But I'm just enjoying the ride and having a great time.

BYLER, Jancy, Elmax.

MALINA, Genya x David, Nadia x Tamar (tbh that's the only other ship I remember/think that exists on the books and I'm neutral, but Nadia is AWESOME and I love her).

[veebs-hates-video-games]

I keep threatening to say something about Xenoblade Chronicles 3, but it keeps not happening. I either can't figure out what I want to write or am unable to actually write it, like I'll have an idea and then sit up, but that'll make my head get weird and make me give up on it for the rest of the day. Again.

I think I finally figured out what I want to talk about though, and if I can make it through 265 hours of the game itself (plus another 35 on Future Redeemed, the standalone DLC story) I can probably handle writing a single post about it, even if it takes me a few tries across several months and turns into kind of a retrospective on the entire series.

As a brief intro for context, in the summer of 2022 when the game came out my health had reached a new low point, even compared to the already not great lows it's been at other times in my life, and XC3 is honestly probably one of the reasons I'm still here now. And I don't just mean on Tumblr.

Ok, maybe that's a little too brief. I have a weird and wacky combination of physical/psych/neuro things that have been going on for years, but up until 2020 they were only partially disabling and left me moderately functional and still fairly happy, and they seemed to be improving for a change. Since that summer they've all been gradually going downhill though, and I've at least for the time being ended up basically completely disabled and unable to do a lot of basic things in my life, and I haven't been having a great time with it.

It doesn't help that I've gotten the absolute bare minimum support for a lot of it (or sometimes even less than that) because most of my doctors retired or moved or changed jobs in the past couple years, and along with it taking forever to get set up with new ones a lot of the new ones have been extremely reluctant to actually address any of my needs. It's super cool to not only get next to zero help with any of the new problems that came up but also not be able to get prescriptions for any of my psych meds and be effectively forcibly detransitioned. That's starting to slowly turn around now, but only barely.

Anyway, by the beginning of the summer of 2022 I was at the point where I was having periods where I was having trouble forming coherent sentences some of the time, and while my brain generating gibberish like "aspirational truth-pissing" or "post-kneecap society" is very funny (to me at least), it's not super useful. I'd become pretty isolated, a lot of friendships and relationships had become pretty distant for various reasons, and I'd had to move back in with the one person who actually abused me (which is pretty far in the past but still pretty uncomfortable).

Basically my life had next to nothing going for it at that point, not much was showing any signs of improving, and it was pretty hard to find anything to look forward to.

(ok so maybe that ended up being not so brief because I don't talk about all that stuff much and apparently I have a lot of feelings about it)

Good news, though! There's a new game coming out in my favorite series!

I have a long and complicated relationship with the Xeno games. I first played Xenogears before Xenosaga was even out, but I never finished it because some of the jankiness frustrated me (and I'm replaying it now and those things about it have aged really poorly, but it's still plenty interesting otherwise). And then I never really played Xenosaga myself (although it's probably next in line after I eventually finish Xenogears) because I never had a PS2, but I had friends who were super into it that I absorbed everything from.

And then by the time the first Xenoblade came out my Wii had already died. A couple years later I had a computer that could emulate it though, so I played it in Dolphin with the HD texture mod...until about halfway through the game, when my CPU caught on fire. A friend gave me a free replacement, but it was slower and didn't run stuff like that nearly as well, so I held off on finishing it until 2020 when I finally could afford new computer stuff (mostly because I had to spend some of my SSI backpay because you're only allowed to have at most $2000 in your bank account at any given time because this country hates disabled people).

And of course it was great.

And then I grabbed the Switch version so I could play Future Connected, which was also great, and then quickly moved on to Xenoblade Chronicles 2 after that...and then stopped playing that one for several months because Tora really grated on me. I think "blushy-crushy" is the point I gave up at. Thankfully I went back to it a bit later, because aside from that and some of the overly horny character designs it's pretty great overall, and Torna completely recontextualizes so much stuff and makes the base game even better.

I even played some of X, and I would've finished it too if my save hadn't gotten corrupted. Maybe some day I'll figure out how to use a memory editor or something to fix it, because it seems almost fine, and I don't really want to replay 70 hours of it...

So I was understandably pretty excited by the surprise announcement in early 2022 of the third game and then its release date getting pushed up even sooner, and even though my life had imploded further by that summer, some of that feeling carried through.

And you know what? Xenoblade Chronicles 3: also great. I know, big surprise. It looks great and the music's great and the actual gameplay is great (and much better explained than in the previous game), and all of that is great and has already been said by a million other people.

And they've also all had plenty to say about how the characters and their interactions and development are great, generally handled even better than in any of the previous games, and how the side quests are mostly great and actually advance character growth and world building, unlike a lot of them in the first game.

And then also lots of people have had lots to say about their mixed feelings about the story itself and its ending, which some people didn't like for what it didn't answer but which I personally did for the things it did focus on and the general vibes, and then there's been plenty of wild speculation on the implications of Future Redeemed too.

But it wasn't until I finished Future Redeemed and sat on it for a while that I think I figured out what I have to say.

I think what hit me the most about it is the way it expands on the base game and rest of the series, not in the literal narrative way that I've seen most people talking about (although that's definitely fun too) but more in terms of how it made me think about the third game and the series as a whole thematically.

By giving more context and more info about the motivations for the different sides of the conflict (and also introducing another side) it got me thinking about how the entire series can be looked at as how we (or anyone) approach the future, and it doesn't really frame any of the possible ways of doing that as inherently correct and unquestionable.

The central conflicts of each of the games are all about who gets to decide what the future will be and which people and ideas from the past/present should be brought into that future. The settings and situations they find themselves having to make those decisions in are also all the result of previous people's decisions and what was inherited from the past.

Is the future predetermined, or do/should people have free will to make their own choices? Should those choices be individual or collective or by a single central entity? If the outcomes of those decisions turn out to be flawed should they keep pursuing it and stick to the original vision or should it be replaced by something else? If there's been so much pain and suffering and loss in the past, is a future even desirable? Which existing things should be preserved, or should we just start over entirely?

And generally there's more than one answer presented for each of those questions, and often there's even more than one different way of approaching the same answer shown, e.g. you can have no future by preserving the present indefinitely so nothing changes and nothing is lost, or you can just delete fucking everything.

Even answers to those questions that are implicitly endorsed in one game by being associated with the protagonists of its story may turn out later to have more nuance to them. Ok, predestination and fate suck and we should all have free will to make our own choices. But now what if people use that free will to choose things based on fear and anxiety that ultimately restrict other people's free will and choices?

There's no simple answer, no one correct solution, and it takes continued hard work to push the world forward towards a better place. Even when people don't know or even can't know what led the world to the state it's in and all they know is that the way it is is cruel and unfair, they have the ability to come to their own conclusions about the answers of those questions and can work together with like-minded people they find to try to change the world to make it more like what they envision.

And that's real and how things work in reality too. We inherited the world in the state it's in from the people before us, who made their own decisions about those things. Sometimes it was genuinely what they thought would be best for everyone, sometimes it was lashing out because they'd been hurt, sometimes it was someone who didn't care about anyone but themself. But no matter what the reasons, it ultimately is the way it is, and we have to take that and do with it what we will.

Only we, the people who are here right now, can decide what the future will be. Only we can use the power of friendship to kill god. Or heck, you spend half the game in XC3 literally building mutual aid networks. That seems like a pretty reasonable place to start.

[bereft-of-frogs]

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

@aurorawest tagged me in this an age ago but there was always a chance (however slight) that I'd maaayyybe finish something else before the end of the year (I did not) so I held off. But! It's time for the 2023 review.

Words and Fics

103, 870 words posted

Technically only 1 fandom, but then like...3 subfandoms? (Star Wars: Fallen Order, Prequels/JA-era, and A New Dawn/The Last Padawan)

14 fics

1 ongoing WIP, 2 multi-chapter, 10 oneshots, and 2 chapters added onto my OC repository, 2 series

most recent drop: we are made of our longest days

longest: technically the whole of the dark ocean duology at 50,304 but also just part 2: to stand at the edge of the sea (25,752)

shortest: found a tape that was blank (1,392)

Top Fics by Kudos

closure, and the lack thereof (98)

omens and all kinds of signs (72)

with teeth, we've come this far (66)

(dark ocean duology) part 1: the deep sea is a haunted house (63)

(dark ocean duology) part 2: to stand at the edge of the sea (59)

and some love for the bottom 5 because my favorite is among them: 1. a shadow resides by night (13), 2. follow me into the endless night (16) 3. p.s.: wipe the salt off of my skin (30), 4. I feel like I'm borrowing all my time (33), 5. take in a breath, fill your lungs (34)

My fandom fic events in 2023

just the usual whumptober taking up most of my autumn

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

for 2024 I think I'm going to try out like a 'leapfrog' method, where I focus on finishing a first draft, then let that percolate while I work on the next first draft on the list, then backtrack for the second and so on...I think this makes sense. I liked focusing on one project at a time last year and I'm hoping that gets me to make progress on the 4-parter that I really, really want to write and keep putting off.

omens and all kinds of signs (chapter 3)

manipulation/hostage thing (?) (part 1)* - I really need a better working title for this, this is not actually describing what's going on

the haunting presence / serial (part 4)**

the haunting presence / serial (part 3)**

manipulation/hostage thing that turns into an undercover thing (part 2)* - god these working titles are just so pithy aren't they

the haunting presence / serial (part 2)**

the haunting presence / serial (part 1)**

omens and all kinds of signs (chapter 4)

We'll see where that brings us in the year....and if I get derailed haha. If I make it through this I have a sick!fic in development and a myriad other bullet points of vague ideas, inspiration lightning might strike on one of them.

Last word: I spent the first third of 2023 so convinced I would never write again and in a not-great place, to clear 100k posting on ao3 was truly a relief and sharing all of this with you all has been a joy. Thanks for being there and I hope everyone has a happy New Year!

Rules & Tags below the cut! ***(ok let's be real, you all know me, I didn't actually tag anyone because I'm a mess of social anxiety and I always feel like I'm bothering people with tags (even though I am NEVER bothered by tags, but I can't apply that to myself for some reason, in my own mind I'm just uniquely annoying, but we don't have time to unpack all that--) but anyway, I put the rules there and the summaries for the two mystery upcoming fics if you want to see those or reference the rules!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

I am too shy to tag anyone but if you're looking for an excuse to post some stats and goals use this as an open tag!

That should probably be one of my '2024 goals' to get less shy. ah well.

*This is a holdover from the 'psychological' whumptober prompt, I started it in October but knew it deserved more time and energy that I could give it on a deadline. The sort of core of the first part is my take on a 'fandom staple': the Haxion Brood finally gets the jump on the crew and they get entangled in a plot that's perhaps unnecessarily complex due to the interference of a...like 'HR consultant' Sorc Tormo hires, who attempts to manipulate them into carrying out their dirty work. Part 2 (it's a duology again folks!) picks up a bit after the end of part 1. Because to get out of the part 1 situation they end up owing someone a favor, and the calling in of that favor sends the crew on an undercover mission to a super-secret Imperial construction project. Clearly still developing some stuff, I don't have a working title or a good way of summarizing events, but I have a lot of dramatic scenes and everything pretty well outlined.

**Ah, my four part serial killer drama that I have been saying I've been saying I was going to work on for months. Years. This is going to be my year, I swear it! 'Why are you writing it in reverse order' it just makes more sense to work backwards, and part 4 I have the most clear plot outline for. Yeah it's fairly straightforward in general, a mysterious serial killer stalks Jedi through 4 generations. Possibly inspired by My Literal Nightmare, aka 'someone is secretly living in your house' (aka phrogging??? I learned there was a term for it while doing research for nanowrimo, I just thought I was being paranoid and sleep deprived during an insomniac period a few years ago lol) (it's a long story haha). But yeah this mysterious murderer who seems to not really exist at all, and vanishes like a ghost for years at a time.

[sailorbadger]

re: my tags on this post, @psychicbluebirdmiracle wanted a list so here’s some of my favorite Robin Hood adaptations in no particular order:

Sidenote: most of these are either extremely niche and/or “you may think it’s bad but I think it’s good” because that’s just what my tastes are.

BBC’s Robin Hood: You all knew this one was going to be up here and if you didn’t, you haven’t been following me long enough. This is what gave birth to my brain worms. I’ve given a PowerPoint presentation about this which was three hours long. I have subjected other people to this show to the point that there is now a yearly celebration where we watch only one specific episode of this show and make memes about it. I am insufferable about this. The day I stop thinking about this show is the day I have lost all brain activity.

Back to Sherwood: I am once again reminding everyone that I have offered to exchange my firstborn child for the original English version of this show. The Vibes on this show are perfect and I will never forgive the people that cancelled it after only 13 episodes. Fun time-travel related hijinks? Sign me up.

Princess of Thieves: Who doesn’t love a Keira Knightley movie?

Disney’s Robin Hood: Listen, you just can’t go wrong with this one. Very solid all around. But there’s another reason I’m putting it on this list. My cousins (ages 6 and 4) were staying over with us on Easter and I put this movie on at one point to get them to sit down for a few minutes while my parents made lunch. My godson (the 6-year-old) asked me why I knew so much about what was going on in the movie and I explained that I watched it when I was young, and then my dad said that the movie is so old that he watched it when he was a child. It was a lovely inter-generational bonding moment over my special interest as my dad explained to my cousin about the different characters and how there’s a lot of different versions of the story.

Not really an adaptation but continuing from the last one, this YouTube video: Some of the best analysis on why most mainstream Robin Hood adaptations suck. This is why I mostly just like the versions that have good Vibes.

This soundtrack to a Swedish Robin Hood musical: I can’t even begin to explain how upset I am that I found out about this musical after it had already been cancelled due to the pandemic. I could have gone and seen it. There’s not even a DVD of it. At least we have the soundtrack which is full of bangers. Everything sounds as over-produced as you’d expect from the country that makes over-produced Eurovision songs, and I love every second of this. If you’re not going to listen to the whole thing, at least listen to Prince John’s song.

This even more obscure soundtrack to a Finnish Robin Hood play from 1997: Everything here is just Vibes. I wish I knew what the actual plot of the play was but these songs are great on their own. The fact that the singer from a famous Finnish band (Neon 2) sings a couple of the songs is just ?????A Choice???? but a perfect one at that.

Robin Hood: The Great Escape: My most vivid memories of listening to this play that’s a podcast is when my IBS was really bad and I was on the bathroom floor crying in pain, so I just put this on to distract me. Anyway, this one has good characters, interesting mix of different cultures and LGBT+ representation, and it all works seamlessly in a way that doesn’t feel forced. Definitely worth a listen.

Robin McKinley’s The Outlaws of Sherwood: I bought this book from my local library’s clearance about 15 years ago. It’s a solid fun adventure and that’s pretty much all I can say about it.

The Finnish opera adaptation of Robin Hood: The dogs in this are nightmare fuel and the whole thing is bordering on the “so bad it’s good” line. The lyrics are so weird at times, it’s awfully cringy sometimes but I love it so much. I own it on DVD and it has English subtitles so if anyone wants to watch it sometime let me know.

Carrie Vaughn’s The Ghosts of Sherwood and The Heirs of Locksley: I need a third part of this. These are a quick read, about 100 pages each, about the children of Robin Hood. And although the premise may sound cliché and childish, I swear these are so good and worth your time.

C.K. Brooke’s Marian: Princess Thief: Ah, yes, the “disappointingly heterosexual” one. Putting aside the fact that this book missed a great opportunity in making at least one of the characters gay, it has an amazing all-female-cast of characters (there’s a male love interest there too I guess, I don’t care about him). This book made me feel like how Sailor Moon made me feel in high school with it’s focus on the Power of Friendship.

That one Finnish audio drama that’s based on Finnemore’s version: Everyone sounds so horny in this one for some reason and the actual text is not helping. The theme song is a banger. It’s a shame the CDs were copy protected so I couldn’t rip the files for myself.

A black-and-white recording of a Finnish play from 1971: The fashion is so 70s it hurts my eyes. The songs are so bad. The plot is almost non-existent but I love every second of this. (I would have linked it but you can unfortunately only watch it in Finland)

The 2009 movie with a dragon in it?????: I don’t remember most of this except that it’s definitely in the “so bad it’s good” category. They just shouldn’t make high-budget versions of Robin Hood when low-budget productions are so much more entertaining.

Edale Lane’s Heart of Sherwood: I need to re-read this one because it had everything I could have asked for. A lesbian Robin Hood with a good story that was a fun adventure which still somehow made me very emotional. 10/10.

That one zoom-play on YouTube: I bought the novel that was made based on this play just because this was so entertaining. In a year I’ve only read about 20 pages of the book but the play was so good and at one point so full of twists I was staring at the screen with my mouth open for like 10 minutes.

I could probably include even more things from my List (I have a list where I collect all the different versions I’ve seen/read/listened to etc), but this is already too long and I ended up taking a few things out. I only included versions I’ve enjoyed the most but there’s still plenty of good ones out there.

[shadowsong26x]

And here we are with BSG mix 3 of 3 from Ye Olde Days of like 2010-2012 XD Previously I’ve talked about my Season Three mix, Days Upon Our Knees and my Cylon ship mix, Heart of the Machine.

This one is a Baltar/Six mix; generally focusing on Head!Six and Caprica. I did remember a couple of the tracks going in (one because it was an actual Bad Choice--the only one on all three of these mixes that I don’t think should be there at all--and a couple that were good ones. But a lot of it I hadn’t remembered, so it was nice to go through it!

Also, at the end of the Actual List of 14 tracks, there’s a list of songs I’d include now if I were making it (and/or I’m Considering making another one and most if not all of them would be on it.)

All right, let’s get to it!

1/touch (clay aiken)      ah, this one. i can’t say it doesn’t fit them (because it does), but it’s. uh. this was my song for ‘yes these two have a lot of enthusiastic sex’ and i definitely could’ve done better here XD that being said, i do like it for them? the angel references are always a bonus.

2/voodoo child (rogue traders)      i actually think this is one of the better fits on this mix. and yes, like many people in general fandom/online circles at the time, i picked it up from that one doctor who episode But it’s now...way more associated with these two (specifically caprica’s confession/the attack) than that. there was also something of a fanvid in my head (i was never able to make fanvids lol), and i particularly remember that the transition from the first verse into the chorus lined up with that One Specific Shot of her pushing him down as the house explodes around them. so there it is.

3/i’ll be seeing you (linda eder)      i mean. how could i not, lol (this was the first version i had; i was given a whole album of her broadway covers. also i always forget that this song technically comes from a broadway show....and yes, i am aware that it’s also on the s3 mix in a completely different context but Still.)

4/devil inside (inxs)      i think this actually should’ve been before track two, and i’m not sure why it’s here instead? but yeah it’s that reminder of ‘look i love these two they are 10000% my blorbos but they are. not great people’

5/gone with the wind (international victim)      another song that i still like for them, but this one i think is too early in the mix. i mean, we’re not...super chronological here, for this middle part of the mix, but this lines up with gaius in the back half of s3, so having it This Early in the mix feels off to me now.

6/protege-moi (placebo)      so i also use this song for anakin skywalker XD and while i actually don’t think gaius makes the best parallel there (that would be my best beloved athena), the song fits both of them so here we are. it’s definitely not one that developed Such a strong association Elsewhere that it ruined it for anything else, anyway.

7/liken a razor (adam pascal)      this one’s more about head!six, i think. it’s not my favorite on the mix, but i can’t say it doesn’t work/doesn’t belong. it hits that combination of fear and need/worship pretty well.

8/she’s always a woman (billy joel)      the first of two songs that can best be summed up with ‘i love you despite the warning signs.’ XD this one, again, mostly about head!six, but also kind of about caprica in the sense that...while they were together, the first time they were together, she actively planned to murder him and not just everyone he ever loved, but everyone he ever knew or could have known, using him to do it, and yet he can’t help remembering the way she smiled, the way they argued about idk obscure math theorems, spending lazy mornings in bed with her talking about everything and nothing...yep. yep yep yep. ((there will be more on this subject in either this month’s or (more likely) april’s fill for the otp meme))

9/he’s a tramp (lady and the tramp)      i really don’t have much to say about this one except...like...can you really say it shouldn’t be here XD (and yes, this is the second ‘i love you despite the warning signs’ pick.)

10/not me (aida)      a transition song, starting to come back from their estrangement. the more i listen to it, the more i like it here? although again, slightly out of order; it would need to be switched with the next one except...

11/antebellum (vienna teng)      this is the Mistake Track. and not just because this song is now Inextricably linked with satine and bo-katan kryze (but their relationship is not the subject of this essay, lol). but i think even before i got back into star wars/clone wars, i was having second thoughts about this one. the problem is, this song was supposed to be during their separation. when it’s not like they don’t love each other anymore (they never really stopped; witness how caprica continues to respond to head!baltar), but after everything that happened--with new caprica, with d’anna, with...just...everything...does that really matter anymore? and it’s really fucking hard to find a breakup song that hits right for the two of them. most of them are too angry or too bleak, or not angry or bleak for the right versions. antebellum comes close, because it’s a ‘what was and could have been but will never be again’ sort of thing but...it just. doesn’t work. i did not transfer it to my ipod with the rest of the mix, and while i do want a song for that particular part of their story...the mix as a whole does work without it.

12/casanova’s waltz (drew sarich)      and once again, i cheated in terms of my ‘don’t repeat artists’ rule. XD but i do like this song in terms of him choosing to dedicate himself entirely to their relationship, even after everything. ...and being a dramatic little shit about it, naturally XD

13/save the best for last (a capella/vanessa williams)      and this is her taking him back. the version i have is an unsourced a capella version i got on a cd a member of my high school shakespeare troupe gave all of us when he graduated a year before i did, so...who the hell knows, i just have it marked as ‘a capella.’ but yeah, i like it, it fits things here, and there’s that sense of ‘finally we’re on the same page for the first time in our Entire Relationship, we can move forward together now.’

14/i believe (altar boyz)      i love this song. and i love it for them. i wrote a quick fic a while back (that really needed to be two), but it’s about the way the two of them come together, they work together, because love, their love, is about choosing one another and forgiving one another, and, well, believing in one another. it’s just. a good place to leave them, a great song for where they landed. also iirc it’s Not Weird because in context this song is in fact about the band itself/Each Other. not jesus

And now, some additional songs I’d probably put on a playlist for them if I was making one now. If the prior mix skewed more Baltar’s POV outside of the shared-POV songs, I think this one skews more Caprica (or at least I tried). There’s also a lot less Head!Six.

This is not what I would call a Complete mix. There’s some redundancy in terms of moments/aspects of their relationship that are covered, and there are other gaps involved (in particular, I don’t have anything with even Vague Pretentions to being a Sex Song like ‘Touch’ was for the prior list). Also I feel like it’s not super balanced in terms of Tone. But it’s a starting point, anyway. Accordingly, these aren’t numbered and the order, while vaguely chronological, is by no means set in stone.

what am i feeling/galavant      played Completely Straight in a Very Different Way than the original context; this is caprica starting to realize that she’s falling for her own honey trap.

if i loved you/carousel      this is basically the ‘the things men do for love’ scene (or her asking ‘do you love me’ in the miniseries). they’ve each independently realized they love the other (though not that it’s mutual) but Saying That Out Loud Lol No Why Would I Do That (would it necessarily be this cover? no, this was just the first that came up on youtube, lol. but also it’s hard to go wrong with these two singers sooooo maybe XD)

your love is my drug/ke$ha      tell me i’m wrong XD (this might not go on a baltar/six mix Specifically, if only because i had vague plans at one point for doing a six mix of Entirely Ke$ha Songs, one for each notable six, in part because of this Perfect Fit, and in part because applying ‘blow’ to corinne/armistice station!six is just So Perfectly Terrible i couldn’t resist XD)

blonde over blue/billy joel      this probably would’ve made the first list if it weren’t redundant in terms of both the point it’s making (which is covered by...a couple of different ones) and artist, but...yep.

bad romance/lady gaga      again, tell me i’m wrong. this one, the ‘you’re a criminal as long as you’re mine’ line hits particularly hard for these two. also is it just me or are Some of the ways she’s styled in this video kind of...Hitting Some Familiar Visual Notes........

my immortal/evanescence      okay but hear me out XD like, yes, this song is Notoriously Cringe but a) i have no shame at this point in my fandom career and b) these two--when they’re together--have this blend of Melodrama and Painfully Awkward Sincerity and there is no band (or song) which hits that note quite as well as this one. also the lyrics actually fit pretty well if you pay attention to them so shut up, don’t at me, it’s on the list.

silent symphony/drew sarich      this one is about their first reunion, on new caprica, and there’s...a lot of Thoughts i have about that, about how the love is there and it is real, but with Everything Else going on it’s just...there’s a level of Desperation going on, too. and i haven’t been putting full lyric transcriptions in these summaries (because they’re long enough without them lol) but a couple lines stand out: ‘thank god for the night/pushing the complications from sight/hushing our battle drums til the sunlight/tosses a problem from every direction’; ‘you still see a man who knows wrong from his right’; ‘come on and quiet down/and wrap your arms around me/calmly for now’; ‘if i can’t see your eyes/then i can hear you breathe/and we can find a warm, firm platform to plan from’

how to save a life/grey’s anatomy cast      look this is the version i heard in full first and i like it so shut up and bear with me. anyway, this is a companion to the last one, because it’s about the way he pulls away from her, and the way she tries for as long as she can, and their relationship just falls apart during the first half of season 3, even when they’re trying Desperately to make it work. again, not doing the full lyrics, but the end of the first verse in particular jumps out at me: ‘between the lines of fear and blame/you begin to wonder why you came.’

model prisoner/adam pascal     i thought of this when i was writing up ‘liken a razor’ above. i almost didn’t add it, mostly because a) trying to focus more on caprica’s pov; and b) trying to make it more her and less head!six and the second verse is particularly head!six, but...it works. and adds a different Tone Color to the mix, i think, which is Useful/Helpful. i don’t know why i went for liken a razor instead of this one on the first mix, since at least now i think this is a better fit, but here we are.

style/taylor swift      this is actually the song that got me contemplating doing a second mix for these two, way back before i even tracked down the original one and listened to it all the way through again. i was listening to it and it had kind of the right Vibe, and then i got to the second verse. stopped. backtracked to the beginning, and went, ‘well, shit.’ and i kind of like this as a closing track. it kind of fits the same moment/hits the same note as ‘save the best for last,’ except...not exactly. it couldn’t go any earlier than their final reconciliation, though. but it also feels a little...lackluster, almost? for their happy ending. i feel like i want to end on a more optimistic note.

make our garden grow/candide      so this one is a Hard Maybe, and only made this post when i was realizing that ‘style’ doesn’t quite hit the note i want for an Ending song. this song was actually the closer for my hypothetical s4 mix--but it does mooooostly seem to focus on these two so maybe this would be a better place? (no, cunegonde’s verse doesn’t really fit in either case but the first and third do) and even if the lyrics are no more optimistic than style, the Tone of the song is a little better...although now i’m second-guessing it even more, lol. well, i’ll leave it here for y’all to have Opinions about if you so choose XD

and also i’d throw a different cover of ‘i’ll be seeing you’ on there (and possibly title the mix I’ll Be Seeing You (Again) because well i think i’m funny) because Come On.

[corvidcall]

I love the Hunchback of Notre Dame movie too and I did not know there was a musical, what didn't you like about it? Do I wanna know how bad it is

i have been waiting years for someone to ask me about the stage musical

Probably you haven't heard about it because 1. I don't think it's very good (and the world operates based solely on my opinions, right?) 2. for union/profit reasons, it has never been on Broadway and likely never will (apparently Stephen Schwartz and Alan Menken, who also composed the original Disney film, said the stage version HAD to have a full live choir on stage, and getting the choir on a Broadway production would have required different union negotiations, and Disney didn't think it would be profitable. I honestly think they're probably right)

ANYWAY this got way too long so it's all going under a cut. I have some nice things to say in there, too! I swear!

i saw it in 2018 in Seattle, and while I love to talk shit, there are definitely things that I liked about it!! I went to see it because Joshua Castille was in the title role (he played Ernst in the Deaf West production of Spring Awakening). As you might know, I am a trained ASL interpreter! So I really wanted to support a Deaf artist, and I wanted to see how they approached my favorite Disney musical (and how the interpreters handled it!!!)

Joshua Castille was honestly incredible, and everything they did to incorporate his Deafness into the role was really cool. When he was by himself/with the gargoyles, he used ASL, but Frollo refused to sign with him and would only respond if he spoke, which I thought was a great extension of the way Frollo has treated Quasimodo his whole life (ie "I am abusing you for your own good"). When Esmeralda and Quasimodo start becoming friends, she tries to pick up some signs from him, which I thought was a great element. During Quasimodo's songs, one of the gargoyles would sing the part while Castille performed it in ASL. Here's a video of "Out There", if you're interested to see how it worked.

I think that in other productions, they've tried to kind of incorporate the fact that Quasimodo was deaf in the book? But I believe they started by having Hearing actors in the role, which is... well. It Is. But I saw it with a Deaf actor in the role and he was great. I thought that Quasimodo's hearing loss was a good thing they brought in from the original novel that actually really added to the production.

Not... everything was as good of a choice as that one.

See, it's specifically a stage adaption of the Disney movie. It uses all the Disney songs. One would think that it would maybe be aiming to have the same themes as the Disney movie, the chiefest of which is... let's say "internal vs external monsterhood." Quasimodo looks like a monster, but he is a good person, whereas Frollo looks normal, but is, inside, a monster.

You know what you wouldn't want to do, if that's your main theme? Start the show off with Frollo's sad backstory!!! He and his brother were orphans! They were raised by the church! His brother ran off with a Romani woman and Frollo didn't see him again until he was on his deathbed, when he asked Frollo to raise his son for him. That son was Quasimodo!

Like... why add this? Why give this character a sad backstory? A family that he loved? I don't understand what I'm supposed to get out of this. Is it... to justify why he's racist? Because I didn't really need a justification for that. It honestly makes his abuse of Quasimodo even weirder- like, he loved his brother and would have done anything for him, but is abusing his brother's son? I know it HAPPENS, but it just... feels so out of line with the rest of the story, I really can't fathom what I as an audience member am supposed to take away from it. This backstory doesn't add any richness or depth to the story. It takes away from it! And like... so Frollo was sad. Do you care? Clap if you care.

They made a bunch of changes to Pheobus, but I don't really care that much about that, beyond the fact that I think they made him somehow suck even more (iirc his intro song is basically "i just got back into paris from The War and im here to FUCK" like... ok i guess.)

But I'd say my number one biggest problem with the show is the changed ending. Esmeralda dies in this one. She gets tied to a pyre, and Quasimodo rescues her, but she's inhaled too much smoke, so she tells him he's been a great friend to her and then she dies.

I know this is more accurate to the novel. But like... I don't care about that? I don't think you can grade the quality of an adaption based on it's faithfulness to the source material. Why would anyone bother adapting anything, if that were the case? Some things don't work in adaption, and sometimes you're using the adaption to send a different message than the source material. An adaption should be able to stand on it's own, otherwise, why did any of us fucking bother? If a movie is based on a book, I shouldn't have to read the book to enjoy the movie, and likewise, they shouldn't include things from the book that don't make it a better movie!

The original novel was focused on the importance of architecture, how buildings were the primary way ideas were spread and preserved before the printing press. Hugo was concerned that the actual Notre Dame cathedral was in disrepair, that France would lose an essential part of it's history. If a good adaption was really only about being faithful to the source material, then we should be upset that that's an idea that has not been represented in most adaptions of Hunchback! I mean, sure, it's not represented in them because that's a problem that got solved, so we don't really need to spread the good word of historical preservation, but it's in the original! And also, the themes about social justice AREN'T in the original, so we should be mad about all those, too, right? (If you haven't seen Lindsay Ellis's video about Hunchback, I'd recommend checking it out. she talks a lot about the evolution of the themes in various adaptions.)

I'm saying all this because, while I know that Esmeralda dies in the book, and that basically every character in it kinda sucks, I think that really undercuts the themes that the Disney movie was going for (like I said, "internal vs external monsterhood"). Quasimodo and Frollo both are in love with Esmeralda, and she does not return those feelings. Quasimodo is sad and hurt, but he also is happy to have Esmeralda as a friend, and wants her to be happy as well. Frollo would rather she die than not be with him. This is one of the key points of contrast between Quasimodo and Frollo. Even their songs about Esmeralda are thematic opposites!!! Hellfire vs Heaven's Light!!!

So having her just die at the end makes that whole thing pointless. She doesn't get to be with the man she's actually in love with. Quasimodo doesn't get to complete his arc, where he accepts her decision and is happy for her. Frollo basically got what he wanted! What does this change add to the story, other than another token attempt at being "more book accurate," a thing nobody with an ounce of sense in their head should actually care about?

The stage musical uses the same music as the Disney movie, which were building to the themes and the conclusion that was shown in that movie, but it has a different ending, so those themes don't pay off. It's like they bought a lego set and used it to build something entirely different. Like, you CAN do that, but I'm not going to believe you when you tell me you actually built the lego set as it was intended.

Also I thought all the songs they added for the show sucked ass.