Talk Hockey To Me
I was tagged by @stereax and @mikathemad :)
Tell me about:
1. The thing that got you hooked on hockey:
Okay, this is a little embarrassing. In the fifth grade around the year 1999, I liked a boy and that boy liked hockey, so in an effort to have shared interests with said boy, I checked out the New Jersey Devils and the rest is basically history. The boy is absolutely long gone, hahaha, but the Devils are here to fucking stay. I got into them right before their two Cup wins and in the era of Scott Stevens, Patrik Elias, John Madden and the love of my child life, Brian Rafalski. I've been a Devils fans for like over twenty years now. I'd say in the past decade I've started to check out other teams (Pens, Canucks, Avs, Stars), but I'm a one team girl at heart.
2. Your first ever fandom friend
So in the Devils Tumblr fandom, I'd say @jonassiegenthighler I think I just finally came off anon in their inbox and it began.
3. The jersey you would most like to own
Okay, so I already have a pretty decent collection of jerseys, but I think I'd like a Nico Pride Jersey, but I know I'll never get one 'cause the bids for the star players are always way more than I budget for myself or if the Devils ever do a specialty South Asian Heritage Jersey I'd take literally any player's (except Smith's). But let's be honest, I need a Sid jersey for fucking sure. I also don't have the Jersey Jersey yet, so I need to get that.
4. YOUR player (you only get ONE so choose wisely)
Eassssssy. It's Nico Hischier.
5. A pairing that deserves more fic
@stereax stole my answer. Its NicoJesp, for sure. I say this all the time. Before Nico put his arms around Jack on center ice, before Siegs was cooking for Nico and they were cohabiting, it was Nico and Jesp. They've been through coaches, through GMs, through players coming and going. It's them.
6. Your favorite on-ice moment
Oh, this one is a hard fucking question.
Ugh, this is actually so fucking hard, what the fuck.
Okay, I'm picking this: after the shutout win against the Avs back in late October last season right near the beginning of the thirteen game heater when Nico looks out into the crowd and scream's LET'S GO.
THEN
link someone else's art/fic/etc that you love & think everyone should check out
I will pick four.
@kmercer's art. like come the fuck on, you've got to be kidding me with this
2. @stereax's Kingdom Poetry Series about each of the 2022-2023 Devils
3. @jonasiegenthaler's art always hits the damn mark, always.
4. My favorite NicoJack fic of all time. Seriously, all time.
kiss me on the mouth (set me free) by coastalhighway
AND
link something you made & are proud of & want people to see
Soz, I don't have anything. I haven't written fic in a decade and I have no artistic skill whatsoever, but one day I'll write fic again and when I do I'll share it with the masses.
tagging: @jonasiegenthaler @dawson-mercer and @jakejuentzel
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in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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