#so I’m not going to cry if my stuff for other fandoms is niche too

[waugh-bao]

*

[ladylucksrogue]

20 Fic Writer Questions

Thank you for tagging me @lonewolflupe!

This was fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

91

2. What's your A03 word count?

534, 651 (!!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars currently. I've written for others like DBZ, One Piece and Lucifer in the past.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Stars We Can’t See (Riyo/Fox)

Unexpected (Wolffe/Liri (my OC)

Whumptober 2022

All is Fair (Fox/Riyo)

Spontaneous (set in the Unexpected Universe, my fix-it universe Rex/Ahsoka)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I wrote a Bly centric, post order 66 story called The Ghost of You.  It’s probably the darkest most tragic thing I’ve ever written.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably the drabble A kiss when both parties are crying, done for the kiss roulette prompts, where Wolffe meets his daughter Mira for the first time.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven’t.  I have gotten a couple passive aggressive comments, but thankfully no outright hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yup.  I like to write smut.  Usually smut with feelings, though I’ve done a couple of casual fling type one shots and a dark raunchy one time thing between Wolffe and Ventress.

10. Do you write cross overs? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven’t.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not sure if it counts, but I did contribute to @aknightreaderr's amazing ask Fives universe with a letter from Sinker and Boost.

And, there may be plans for the future in the Unexpected-verse.   I am not opposed to this sort of thing, I think it’s so fun to dabble in each other’s universes.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I can’t just choose one. I love foxiyo, codywan, blyla and of course, I adore the little world I’ve built with my OC Liri and Wolffe.  I’ve just fallen for her as much as Wolffe has, I find her amazing.

And of course, as much as that occasionally bothers people and gets me blacklisted, I love rexsoka.  

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever wilI?

I do intend to finish all stories that I write, or I have the best of intentions…

I did start an obitine fic a while back, and while I had fun writing it at the time, the fandom toxicity just really got to me and I think I just burned myself out on it and needed a change. I suppose I lost the will to write there.  I’m not sure if I ever will get back to writing it.

I also have a Wolffe-centric post order 66 story I will eventually be continuing.  It is on temporary hiatus.  It’s very personal and near and dear to my heart and I guess I just got into a bit of a funk writing it.  It got very little attention, which I figured, as it is so niche, but…sometimes it’s hard to pour your heart and soul out.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Probably emotion.  I’m pretty good at getting into character’s heads.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ha.  I’d say everything but the truth is I have no clue.  I just know I edit and edit and edit until I’m happy with something and hope for the best.  Sometimes I can get too wordy with stuff, sometimes I feel like my tone is really boring. 

Oh and summaries. I am the absolute worst at summaries. I can write a 5000 word super intense, emotional one-shot but then I go to post and I'm like...I got nothing...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I like to throw a mando’a word in here and there.  Or I’ll worldbuild with Pantoran and Wroonian.  I don’t like to write whole lines of dialogue in other languages, because unless it is fandom-known, I think it distracts?  Like having to flip flop between the notes and the dialogue to understand the scene?  It’s like when you are watching a movie, and it switches to Chinese or something.  Sure it is accurate that they’d be speaking in their native language, but I’m scrambling to keep up with the subtitles.

My other language is German…and well…I don’t really write in it, at all.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dragonball Z.  I wrote a lot of Bulma/Vegeta fics, as well as a lot of Vegeta centric stuff that will never see the light of day.  I was an angsty youth.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Probably a toss-up between Unexpected and The Stars We Can’t See.  I just love writing the progression of the relationships there.  Home Sweet Home holds a special place in my heart because it was the first rexsoka fic I ever wrote and it’s just a hot mess in the best of ways.

On a personal, need to get these headcanons out before I explode level?  I love the twin week stuff I wrote, Fight or Flight and Balance, specifically.

Tagging: @whyamismall @tealmisthams @snips2112 @sendpseuds @palfriendpatine66 @impossibleprincess35 and anyone else who would like to do this.

[lonslibrary]

3 moments between the crow couples during their time at hogwarts

1. an unknown part of wylan and jesper’s somewhat disastrous amortentia story comes moments after jesper pulled wylan in for a kiss by his tie, causing the rest of their classmates to erupt in cheers and applause so loud that professor snape’s “boys! in the hall, now!” went unheard. minutes later, when they had actually been led out of the classroom to wait for their punishment, wylan finally worked up the courage to meet jesper’s eyes, his face almost as red as his hair. jesper’s grin was radiant. “so. butterbeer and my cologne, huh?”

it took all of wylan’s nerve to not sink into the ground where he stood. “i didn’t know today’s lesson was on amortentia,” he muttered, feeling himself flush again.

it took all of jesper’s will not to kiss the younger again right there where he stood with the way the redhead was looking up at him from beneath his long lashes.

“well, what about you?” wylan demanded, rolling his eyes. “let me guess. cards, pumpkin juice, and galleons?”

“no, actually.” jesper replied, spinning his wand in his hand. “i smell grass. gunpowder. and...”

he took a step closer to wylan who stood still, holding his breath. “...and?” the third year asked quietly.

“exploding elixir.”

wylan’s mind shut down.

“the entire room was filled with the same smell from that day we singed snape’s hair,” jesper snorted. “of all things, we had to mess up the potion that smelled like burnt-”

it was wylan who pulled jesper down this time, reaching up on his tippy toes to meet jesper’s soft lips, the ones that had captivated him from the moment he had walked into the potions classroom and saw his new lab partner for the first time.

“fahey, van eck!” snape burst into the hallway. “does it seem possible to keep your hands off of each other?”

“sorry, prof.” jesper winked, eyes still trained on wylan’s mouth. “guess you can say we’ve got...chemistry.”

wylan couldn’t even bring himself to care about detention.

2. nina stifled a laugh, trying to keep a straight face as she watched matthias scan the inside of zonko’s joke shop. she had just gotten matthias to admit that he enjoyed a drink as sweet as butterbeer, hours earlier at the three broomsticks. “you look like you’re inside the shrieking shack, not a joke shop.” nina snickered at the way matthias perked up.

“whatever the shrieking shack is, i think that there’d be more dignity in such a place than...this.” matthias dropped a dungbomb he had picked up like it had personally offended his grandmother.  

“why?” nina giggled. she shook the box in her hand. “not a fan of ton-tongue toffees?”

matthias made a face that looked like he was more than just not a fan. “if it’s anything like those jelly beans you fed me on the train, then no.”

that only made nina laugh harder. “i swear you picked the worst ones! you should’ve seen your face when you tried the rotten egg flavor.”

matthias cracked a smile, relaxing a little amongst the colorful store and his girlfriend’s laughter. he picked up another product, a pink bottle corked at the top. “what does this one do?”

nina lowered her voice, gesturing for matthias to come closer, as if letting him in on a secret. “that one’s a love potion. one drop of it in someone’s drink and they’re yours,” she whispered. “they’ll think about you all day.”

matthias jerked away, putting the bottle back on the shelf. “you can’t be serious. love can’t be made like that!” he sputtered.

“i don’t know, durmstrang,” nina teased. “what if i bought one and slipped some in your pumpkin juice tomorrow at breakfast?”

matthias only crossed his arms, continuing to grimace. “well, that wouldn’t work at all.”

“why not? zonko’s is pretty reliable when it comes to their products.” she said pointedly, looking at the extendable ears on sale.

“because i’m already in love with you.” matthias stated simply.

nina froze, turning to her boyfriend. during her time dating matthias, the hufflepuff had proven to be narrow minded and straightforward as a broom doing any and every thing. it was moments like these she was reminded that this included during his expressions of affection, and nina couldn’t love him more for it.

“i’m in love with you, too.” she declared, slipping her hand into her boyfriend’s. she had always liked...brooms. “now, come on. i want to see if we can get kaz to fall for a trick wand.”

3. all inej had wanted was a quiet place to study that wasn’t the library. she liked to practice with her wand for transfiguration, and magic wasn’t allowed in the library. she had been wandering the school for an empty classroom or quiet corner when the room of requirement had appeared at the end of a hallway, exactly moments before she was about to give up and return to the gryffindor common room. she was only half surprised when she opened the door and saw kaz, but like always, kaz hadn’t seemed surprised at all when she entered. he sat on top of a desk with his cane leaned against it, wand out, in the middle of a silent spell. inej let her eyes trail over his robe perched on a chair, his gloves off and set aside in a rare moment, and his uniform sleeves pulled up to his elbows.

“first time here?” kaz asked, not looking up from the book in his lap. his rough voice echoed slightly in the large room as inej scanned her surroundings. the room was empty besides a couple of desks and chairs in one corner, a cluttered pile of objects in another, and a big wardrobe that looked ages old. a fireplace on the wall kept the room warm, and a small chandelier hung above inej’s head.

“guess i didn’t require much until now.” inej shrugged, pulling a desk and chair of her own towards the center of the room. “you?”

kaz closed his book, finally looking up at inej. “i come and go when i want.”

inej wanted to know more about what had revealed the room to kaz in the first place, but she redirected the question away from kaz himself, knowing it was unlikely he would answer. “get anything out of it?” with kaz, it was all about gain.

kaz drummed his fingers on his desk. inej tried not to stare. “some crying first years with who miss their mums. i think i’ve witnessed a bit of every couple in the school’s snogging.” he pulled out a handful of extendable ears from his robe pocket. “snape’s planning something. don’t know the details yet, but something big.”

inej nodded. part of her expected kaz to leave, speak with his silence as he tended to do, but he continued to sit and look at inej, book in lap. inej knew him well enough to recognize that while it wasn’t exactly an invitation, kaz wasn’t saying no to a conversation. she could’ve started with a less risky question about snape’s plans, or asked for the names of the couples in their year, just to know, but inej was curious about other things.

“and how did you find this place, kaz?”

“the de kappel painting.” he said casually. “i needed a place to hide it.”

inej froze, taken aback by kaz’s answer. or more accurately, his willingness to answer. “so it’s true?” she questioned, hoping her voice didn’t give away her surprise. “the gringotts vault rumor.” she had half believed them to begin with, knowing kaz’s abilities but never his motives. still, kaz had never confirmed it with anyone as far as she had known.

“true enough.” kaz reopened his book, attention back on the page. inej inwardly sighed. the satisfaction of knowing kaz trusted her enough to confirm the gringotts rumor didn’t last long. figures kaz wouldn’t want to talk much about himself.

“but that’s a story for next time.” kaz flipped a page, the slightest start of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

next time, inej turned over in her head. she tried not to smile as she opened her own book. she could work with next time.

author’s note (pls read!) this is my first time on tumblr so idk how to use it too well but i’m overwhelmed by all the nice responses so thank you all so, so much. i see everything!! idk if there’s like poll mechanisms and stuff on tumblr (argh help) but i wanted to gauge what everyone would like next—im deciding between six of crows x pjo or shadow and bone x harry potter, so comment below what you’d like to see first (: i’d also love to hear abt any personal requests so my dms (is that what they’re called here?) are open for suggestions. no promises, but lmk if there’s something you want to read. feel free to get as niche as you want, respectfully! ok ik this is super long god bless your soul if u actually read the entire thing but finally, i just wanted to introduce myself—i’m lynn, this is my library and i dabble in most fandoms! my goal is to get at least one piece of writing out every month, so if you’d like to read what i write, follow along! OK im finally done, i swear. thank you again for the tremendous support. unbelievable. happy reading!

[franeridart]

Anon said: Would you draw SukuFushi? (Sukuna x Fushiguro)

maybe? *thinking face* if I ever got an idea for it, why not. I find sukuna’s obsession with fushiguro entertaining so I don’t count fanarts for it as impossible haha

Anon said: I looked and I couldn't find if you've answered this already, so apologies if you did, but how do you draw your faces? I always struggle with face shape and yours are always super good with really expressive features! Anyway, thanks so much I love your art <3

HMMMMMMMM how do I do that indeed, the basics are honestly what you’d find on any basic tutorial about drawing a face (circle, cross in the middle of it, build the face around that - I really still can’t avoid that step and probably never will). As for the expressions, to be honest with you my way of going about them is thinking them up in emoji/kaomoji form first and then go from there. Emojis and kaomojis have to simplify expressions to the max since it’s such a simple format, right? But they’re still super expressive and convey exactly what they’re trying to say with one single glance, so using them as some kind of reference sheet has helped me a lot in figuring out what’s essential to express what I’m trying to say - still working on it though! I’m rarely satisfied with my expressions, they really do make or break a drawing don’t they............ you never stop learning, I guess!

Anon said:  Ahhhhhhh I just spent like hrs scrolling thru ur oc tag and they’re all amazing I love them so much but I keep confusing the everloving SHIT out of myself cuz I too have a child who is Leo and he’s literally so different from ur Leo lol. Anyway tho ur art is amazing and it honestly just makes me so happy so ty and hope have a good day!!

OHHHHHHHHHHHH MY LEO! It’d been forever since I’ve last drawn him, I kind of miss him............... glad you like my stuff, by the way! Especially about you liking my ocs, that means the world to me!

Anon said: hi there !!! i was wondering if i had ur permission to ur ur itafushi art in one of my edits ! i wanted to be sure before using it <3 total respect if its a no !! thankyouuuu

Sorry but I’d prefer if you didn’t do that!

Anon said:THERES A OCTOPATH TRAVELER LIGHT NOVEL AND ITS SO COOL BUT ITS ONLY IN JAPANEESE ! ;^;There's four stories with centered around pairs of characters and alfion is one of them !Idk if itll be transleted but i hope itll be cuz it sound awesome

OH I KNOW!!!!!!! I saw the art for the alfion one a while back, it looks so soft!!!! ;;;;; 8path is kinda niche as a game though, so who knows.............. let’s cross our fingers!!

Anon said:  hello, i am here to recc Skeletons by New Years Day because i think it might fit a few of your ships<3

Thanks anon now I’m emo ;;;;;

Anon said: bakubro gives the best hugs. kirishima is the only one who knows this. everyone is absolutely incredulous when the question "who gives the best hugs" goes around and kirishima answers bakugo. (bakugo thinks kirishima is the best but he benefits from kirishima bodily hugging him and he's biased)

Definitely!! He’s strong and warm after all, bet hugging him would feel the best.... the only one who shall ever know is kiri though, as I bet his hugs are only that nice when he really likes the person he’s hugging hahaha

Anon said: Hi! Just wanted to say that I absolutely love your JJK art! The colors and style are absolutely stunning.

Thank you so much!!!!!!! I feel like I’m mostly drawing for myself lately ngl hahaha so knowing you like it means a lot!!

Anon said: Hi!! This isn't a request I just really like your art! I found you from Pinterest on a kiribaku thing you drew! Your art is so cool! I wish I could draw like that!!! I'll keep looking for new art you've made :D

Aw pinterest.......................... glad you could find your way back here though!! And thank you!!

Anon said: This happened a while ago, but i wanted to say it anyway. I remember when I started watching jujutsu kaisen and I was looking for content arter finishing the first 10 episodes in less than a day and I found your first jujutsu kaisen post (it was posted that dame day) and i was like ???? One of my favorite artists got into jk at the same time than me!!! I just thought it was a neat coincedence to share! I really love your art too, you're amazing!! Happy New Year!!

It’s!!!!!!!!!!!! a pretty dang neat coincidence for me too, since it’s always nice to know at least some of my followers are still into the stuff I make hahahaha

Anon said: i think a lot abt ur art and how ive been seeing u since middle school and now im graduating highschool and we're still in the same fandoms, i hope this doesnt make u feel old but rather VERY cherished qwq

No anon this makes me feel amazing you’ve been around so long!!!!!!! I can’t believe you’re still here with my thank you so much for that!!!!!! I think I’m gonna cry a little here.......... ;;;

Anon said: Hi! I love your art so much!! 🥰 Have you read a KiriBaku fic called The Pit??

Probably not, haven’t been reading krbk fics in a while by now! I’ll add it to my for-later list, thank you so much for the rec!!

Anon said: can u believe that (sans sero) the entire bakusquad can be put into some form of punk/goth fashion? the realization was a galaxy brain moment for me. also realizing that tokoyami, kirishima, and tamaki are all varying levels of goth/emo (some more concerning than others)

Sero’s the hippie friend every punk friend group needs, he balances things out and that’s why he’s very cherished and necessary!!!!

Anon said: your bakugo drawings convinced me to finally start stretching my ears and tbh i'm extremely excited (i've had off and on thoughts of stretching my ears (again) before this so it's not as impulsive as it sounds haha)

Anon that’s so cool!!!!!!! I love gauges so much.....................glad I could give you the last push for it!!

Anon said: uhhhh, i love the style of that top left goge drawing dude!!

THANK YOU I LOVE DRAWING IN THAT STYLE THIS ASK MEANS THE UNIVERSE TO ME

Anon said: i sent the dragon!kiri and bakugo tug-of-waring over a piece of meat and honestly your response is exactly what i thought

Great minds!!!!!!! hahaha

[randomingoftherandomness]

What I am hoping for from Winner is King ( 烽火流金)

Okay, so at this point, let’s just be reals here, Word of Honor has kinda set the bar for me in terms of standards to expect from the slew of danmei adaptations this year. Granted, I know that there are some who think the way it was adapted was not up to their standards and that it could have been done better, please don’t bring it on this post because this is not the post for it.

In this post, I’m going to talk about  Winner is King (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Now, Sha Po Lang, the original novel, is for me one of the best things that I have read in a very long while. As such, I can be rather precious about what I am hoping to see come alive on the show and what I am hoping will be present in the portrayals I see. I know there are some concerns regarding the script and behind the scenes stuff - and they are very valid concerns that I feel too! - and with the recent announcement that instead of 45 episodes, we are only getting 40, I can foresee that there could be some rushed handlings of the very plotty nature of the source material and perhaps a sense that style can trump substance.

But as the actual show isn’t beaming right into our eyeballs just yet, here are some things I am looking forward to seeing in Winner is King and some things that I am crossing my fingers will make the final cut! 

Warning for some novel spoilers ahead. I’ll keep it under the read more.

Tagging @zhongwans because I said I would haha...

Things I am looking forward to:

The Changgu dynamic. I think it goes without saying that if the chemistry between your leads is a dud, the show doesn’t need to even pass Go, it can just shuffle itself off the board because it will be dead in the water. The Changgu dynamic has to be nailed; I need to see that self-doubt, that caring for the other but coming at it from the wrong way, that awkwardness that comes with trying to hold back the burden of your love and care because you don’t want to overwhelm the other... 

I need Gu Yun to be shamelessly sweet with his words and his coaxing of his Yan Wang from a sulk. I need Changgu saying “I hate you to death, Gu Yun” (pining)

Hu Ge Er. Let me just be clear here, I will cheer when she dies, but I hope that how they handle her characterisation will do her justice. There is no excusing the level of horrible that she is, but I hope that she isn’t written as a single dimension abusive piece of shit. Nuance, is what I am looking for. I need her to be the villain and the reason for Chang Geng.

I. NEED. THE. WOLF. ATTACK. SCENE. OUTSIDE. OF. YANHUI. TOWN. aka The First Time They Meet

There is legit no excuse for them to fuck this up, but the Steampunk elements. I would not know what else to say if they fuck this one thing up that is so integral and basic to the love of this IP. They cannot fuck this up. I am very sure I will join people in rioting if they do.

I need to see my Red Kites, my Heavy and Light Armours, my Dragons... I need to see the steam powered lamps, the iron puppets... I need them to get the Wind Slashers right. I need them to get this world-building right ok? I need to be dropped into this show and just swoon over just how accurate to imagination everything looks. Tencent does have the blessed ability to make very good looking productions, so on this note, I am assured. 

I need them to get the human element right; I need to understand why Gu Yun is the way he is, I need to know why the members of the Lin Yuan Pavillion will back Chang Geng and why they won’t. I need to know why Liao Chi would betray the Emperor. I need them to make me feel; I want them to make my heart hurt when Chang Geng’s heart is hurting, I want them to make me cry when Gu Yun is at his lowest and feels like he can’t go on. I want them to make me laugh, I want to feel for Shen Yi and Miss Chen’s awkward courting. 

On that note, I hope they get the Shen Yi and Gu Yun dynamic right too! These two are bros ok? Life and death, ride or die, best bros forever and I need, need them to nail just how integral these are to each other and how much they chose each other as family. I need the bickering, I need the protectiveness, I need the banter. 

I also need Chang Geng conspiring to marry Shen Yi off quickly so that he can have Gu Yun all to himself lol but lbr here if we can get an ending for this show from Tencent that even breathes the same atmosphere of air as satisfactory I will praise the heavens

The Bone of Impurity. I don’t know to what extent they will cover this or if they would do it the way the book does it, but this being an element that is integral to Chang Geng, I would be surprised if they dropped it entirely. So yeah, I am looking forward to seeing Chang Geng fretting and worrying and getting Bone of Impurity attacks.

Just the way that Gu Yun allows himself to be cared for my Chang Geng and how Chang Geng lets Gu Yun care for him

I want one acupuncture hedgehog scene please and thank you

I do want to see how they handle Chang Geng and his elder half-brother; how that dynamic unfolds will be something to pay some attention to, I think

Oh! That moment when Chang Geng kneels down in front of his brother and tells him to please bury any talk of his marriage and revealing to his brother the scars that he carries from his time living under Hu Ge Er’s roof (this is one brand of Whump that I promise you will hurt you very badly and it will be very good)

The argument at Jiangnan is something I really think will also make the final cut. It wouldn’t make sense to drop it seeing as this is a pivotal shift in their relationship where Chang Geng is finally holding his ground and not bending over backwards and believing everything his Yi Fu says. And this was the catalyst for their four year separation so yeah. I hope they do this justice.

I am not a betting person, but I high key bet that the scene between Gu Yun and the previous Emperor where he tells the man, “If you go, then I won’t have anyone left” and this being the moment that softens the dying fucker’s heart enough to give him a bracelet of beads that will be a major plot point towards the end

THE. BATTLE. SCENES.

Things I am hoping will happen:

At this point, speculation is that the point that tripped Winner Is King up for a recheck was the politics. This year is the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Communist Party in China and rumour has it that shit be sieving thick and so a lot of shows are erring on the side of caution. 

Politics is the highest likelihood of a recheck but I am hoping that it won’t be dumbed down or watered down too much because the politics and the way things played out in the book was absolutely divine and I really want to see that court intrigue and scheming and interplay unfold.

I’ve mentioned in my most recent podcast episode that I am banking on this show to scratch my itch for a Nirvana in Fire level of plottiness and infinite craftiness of the characters and I am crossing all fingers and toes for that to happen because All! The! Characters! Hold! Their! Own! And I need to see that play out please I am not asking for much...

The final sea battle with the Pope. I wouldn’t even know where they would even begin to shoot that scene but this is something I would love to see happen.

The Bone of Impurity attack after Gu Yun sneakily left the capital. That was the scene that caught me and hooked, lined and sinkered me for Chang Geng as a character. Listening to this scene be brought to life in the audio drama has really hammered it home that if they make this bit into the show, I will watch and weep if it is done right. 

Cao Niangzi being Cao Niangzi. I am thinking it might not happen the way I want, but I just need them to get them right.

Ge Chen peeing on the enemy’s face. Please. I laughed so hard. I need this. It will be a balm to my soul.

Please, I need Gu Yun’s soul crushing flute playing like I need Gong Jun to always be absolutely horrible at singing because baby this is your niche and this is your charm own it work it

I also need Gu Yun stealing a bamboo flute from a 10 year old because he got jealous please and thank you

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town

I want to see that moment that Gu Yun hears first hand from someone who had knowledge of what Hu Ge Er would do to a baby Chang Geng and the horrible abuse she inflicted on him, because up to that point, he only knew that something went on, but never to the extent that revelation wrought unto him

Any of the Bone of Impurity moments; any mention of it, any visual representation of it... Gosh, just the idea of having the Bone of Impurity made visual is just... Ugh. Yes. Please. The suffering.

[bonus] Things I wish will happen but will probably not:

The hot spring scene or a version of it

An implication that baby cannibalism was involved in the making of a Bone of Impurity

The scene where they get to the goddess doll (the description of it in the book was so bone chilling and if they do this I will have nightmares, I’m just warning you)

I really, really want a scene where, after being crowned Emperor, Chang Geng goes to the frontlines to reclaim the South and upon hearing that he was there, Gu Yun immediately panicked like he was about to be caught with his pants down doing something illegal when all he did was ordered his subordinates to keep news of his injuries from being reported back to the capital

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town; especially when they were with the Barbarians

I want to see some version of Hu Ge Er realising what she has done to her own child and to Chang Geng

Okay this got super long but what are you guys looking forward to seeing when Winner is King hits our screens? I’m looking forward to creating content for this fandom when it hits ೕ(˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑) In the meantime, sound off on what you’re expecting and what you’re maybe wary about!

[fire-lady-ilah]

Thank you to @theboyfrommakapu for the tag! Post under the read more.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

26 total (although I think I have 2 or 3 that I either orphaned or deleted, can’t remember) on uhmeduh.

Oh, and 2 on another account I made specifically for my bad 10 year old me’s fanfics. No, you don’t get that one.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

126 862. Which is, frankly, more than I thought. I think it’s grown quite a bit in 2021, to be fair.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

7, according to AO3. One is an original work, so I guess 6? Except Far Cry 4 and 5 are considered different by AO3, as are Persona 2 and 5. I personally consider it like 4 or 5 fandoms.

A:TLA— 20 fics

Persona 2 & 5— 1 fic (crossover between the two)

Far Cry 4 & 5— 1 fic (crossover between the two)

PJO and related fandoms— 3 fics

Original Work— 1 fic

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Silence is a Virtue — 191 kudos

2. sometimes you’re born evil (sometimes you’re not) — 149 kudos

3. In Which Ajay Just Wants a Vacation — 91 kudos

4. musings of a common man — 75 kudos

5. Lost. [tied with] undercurrent — 37 kudos each

Silence is a Virtue and IWAJWAV are both multi chapter fics at 23.6k and 19.2k, respectively. sybe (syn), moacm, and undercurrent are all part of the same series of short fics and range from 4.4k (unfinished) to 7k. Lost. is a theoretical first chapter of a multi chapter fic. 4/6 fics are ATLA, 1 is Far Cry, 1 is PJO.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yeah! I used to not because I’m incredibly awkward about it, but when I started commenting on fics myself and realized how nice it is when the author replies, I started doing it myself. I really enjoy recognizing regular commenters. I just need to stop talking so much about worldbuilding and hinting at stuff in my replies, I think ^^’.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hm. Probably either what is a legacy to a dead man (it is worth far more to those still living) or Shattered Porcelain. The former is most likely more angsty to readers, but the latter holds a special place in my mind because I know my OCs intimately well.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Most of them, to be honest. I am, at my core, a fluff writer, even if I also enjoy throwing in sprinkles of angst every so often. The entire the dragon king series is going to end pretty happy if it goes according to plan. If I had to pick a finished fic then probably Apricot Blossoms— it’s just sweet kids in love, you barely notice the darkness on the horizon.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Kinda? Sorta? Not really? Two of my published fics are crossovers but they’re like, crossovers within the same extended fandom.

Oh, wait, that one fic I wrote and published when I was 11 was a weird Harry Potter and mild Avengers crossover. So yeah, I guess.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really, no. I occupy a pretty niche area in all the fandoms I write in, so you kind of have to search out the content I make. I’m also not popular at all in the grand scheme of things, which I’m mildly thankful for. I have some popular fic writers as friends and I see some of their commenters sometimes.

10) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I guess? It’s not something I make a habit of, I just in general am not that horny, but I have one published smutfic on AO3 and a ficlet on Tumblr that, if it isn’t really classified as smutc definitely is close. The smut I write is pretty soft and loving and is exclusively LuZhao so far.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. If someone wants to I’m all for it, and theoretically I could translate my own fics into two other languages, but if there isn’t a demand there wouldn’t be much purpose other than me practicing. Who knows though, maybe one of my fics on my account will show up translated into French or Norwegian by me. Or maybe Russian, but that would be an effort. My Russian... isn’t great.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Currently (kinda, fixing my laptop has made it take a hot second) co-writing an OC centric fic with @theboyfrommakapu. I also betaread two of @izzymrdb’s fics, and she called me their coauthor in a comment once so... I guess that counts? I also had plans to make a massive crossover with my own fic and two of my friends but then I fell out of PJO and into ATLA pretty hard.

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

LuZhao, definitely. I’ve just created enough stuff around it to make it my favourite. I’m also quite fond of Jastavian in the realm of PJO.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I fully intend to finish my two main multichapter fics eventually, but I doubt I’ll ever finish Butterfly Kisses. Especially to the extent I have it in my mind.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Uh... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe worldbuilding within an established world? I actually prefer AUs to canon compliance, but when I want something to be canon compliant then I will make sure that it is as fully canon compliant as possible (or, to the extent that canon doesn’t contradict itself). For example, at the moment all of my OCs are completely canon compliant. If I somehow were asked to publish them, they would not contradict any existing work. I put a lot of work into my OCs and worldbuilding and it definitely shows.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

If you asked my girlfriend? My paragraphs are too long and I don’t know how to use commas. She’s right about that, of course.

If you asked me? I’d probably say something a little more vague. I’m bad at the whole “communicating just enough” aspect of writing (and of life). I tend to get absorbed by my worldbuilding and want to tell everyone every little detail, which makes no sense because you don’t need to know it for the fic’s promises.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

So long as a translation is provided, I see no issue if it’s accurate. One of my first fandoms was Hetalia so... yeah.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m not sure if it was Harry Potter, Sherlock, or Hetalia. But it was definitely one of those three and I was about 10 when I wrote it.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Surprisingly I haven’t mentioned it so far, but solntse moye / luna moya. Azulon and Ilah have a relationship I really like, and they both have such distinct inner voices.

Tagging:

@percabeth4life @izzymrdb @crookedmouth-mountainbones @ohmygodtheywereparabatai (I know you write on Tumblr so this would be hard, but consider it another request for you to post your stuff on AO3 ❤️) @thetruecthulhu9 @ariya-167

[tmp-jatp]

so it’s encouragement day or something i think

most of you guys have already heard this from me but i’m gonna do it again, this time in public, so that you can hear it again and everyone can know how much i love you. this is by no means an exhaustive list so if you don’t see yourself on here please know it’s not because i don’t like you, just bc i’m human and can’t remember everyone all the time. but for those i am naming today, i want to share with you what i think your niche in the fandom is as a writer, or at least what i know you best for. you all do all of these things but to call out one unique thing for each of you, this is what i offer as my gift

first off: @pink-flame k. my friend. my bestie here in jatp land. you already know all this, like i said, but girl. fliomea was the first jatp fic i ever read and i wouldn’t have had it any other way. i remember reading every single chapter of wfw each night it came out and it was the highlight of my day, every day. and then the chapters spread out further bc fair, daily 4k chaps is an insane schedule, and each new chapter was a surprise present. the way i say to everyone is this: you write the epics. that’s your signature here in the fandom. that’s your “thing”. you create entire worlds and it feels like i’ve opened my eyes again i’m reading a ya novel. even when it’s not an epic, like the bodyguard au, it’s still so good. fliomea and wfw are two of the most iconic fics in this fandom and two of the most memorable fics i’ve ever read in my life. hello?? beatrice, anyone? queenie? sammi? josie? wonderland??? iconic. one of the other “things”, i wanna note, is how much you write bobby, and you write him so well. you’ve made all of us love bobby, and you’ve made me love you.

@thedeathdeelers immy i love you so much. you’re my other jatp bestie. i love saying good morning to you at midnight and then again at nine. you have so many wonderful ideas for stories, and you make the best headcanons. that is your “thing” in the fandom. also the way that you’re always shouting about soulmates. i couldn’t imagine this place without you here, and we’d all be worse off if you weren’t. your reggie and ray drabbles bring fresh air to my lungs. whenever i see that someone’s reblogged something from you, i go through the notes to see your rb so i can read all your tags, because i can’t get enough of what you have to say. your headcanons are basically canon to me. you’re my number one rubber duck and i love you. don’t stop screaming about juke. ever. (<3)

@pearlcaddy your “thing” is the pining. also your dialogue. that’s pretty clear to all of us, i think. but i love the way that you put the jatp cast of characters into places that you’ve lived. you use what you know to write stories that feel so rich and alive. wizarding world, usc, ireland. these settings come to life and you solder the plot and characters’ emotions to the settings in a way that makes them unable to exist without one another. not only your worldbuilding and your pining, but your dialogue is stellar. (haha i didn’t even mean to do that) there’s always something that sticks out and has stayed with me, and i’ve told you before, but now for the benefit of anyone else reading this: remember “cold or frozen”. remember “string obedient woman”. remember “julie stellar molina”. you write some of the best alex and reggie, too. you've made me laugh, you've made me cry, you’ve made me start listening to jukebox the ghost, i love you.

@blush-and-books chloe you’re the one i spoke to most recently but i wanna say basically the same things (and more) again for the world to hear how much i love your stories. while pearlcaddy’s settings feel huge and awesome, your settings all feel small, like home. everything you write, i can feel. i’m there. i’m sitting in the auditorium while auditions for the music man begin, feeling the excitement for the new show and smelling that smell of the seats and the walls and the air. i’m standing on the loose gravel in the alley out to the side of the orpheum with the buzzing red light of the “ex-t” sign glowing up there and it feels humid. i’m in the library at my own table, trying hard to hide my own smile as i watch the looks being passed between the boy reading to the kids and that girl who is clearly not studying even though she’s trying to make it seem so. i’m in julie’s room and i see the ring on her finger and the fanny pack on the chair and the leather jacket hanging in the closet. your “thing” is that you have such a unique attention to detail that captures the scene and the feeling of what’s going on impeccably. perfectly. something about your way to capture the literal air of every room, i can feel it, i can smell it. i can’t get enough of what you write, and i love you.

@lydias--stiles ophelia i’ve never said a word to you ever except for in the ao3 comment box and that changes today. you’re so good at fluff but you’re right when you say that angst is where you excel. i haven’t read as much of your stuff as i’d like to have (read: all of it), but that’s definitely gonna change in the future. calm in the storm is such a gritty story but it also feels so real. you don’t hold back. i don’t know your work well enough to definitively say what your “thing” is. i’d like to, though. all i know is that today i was thinking of the way that soul and love tasted purple at anima and i went back to that fic to ctrl-f for every time you said “purple”. your stuff might not be on the front of my mind all the time, but it’s there, in my memory, and it won’t ever leave. 

@bluefirewrites your stuff is good as canon to me, even though most of it is au. like ophelia, i don’t know your “thing” because i don’t know your writing well enough to say, even though i’ve read most of it. stupid cupid and doodled shoes have me on the edge of my seat right now and i love reading every new chapter. your juke’s dynamics are so uniquely you and even though they’re different across your fics, your julie and your luke are so perfect and somehow always the same, but different. do you feel me? probably not. i think i’m trying to say i love the way you interpret the characters. they feel canon, but also they don’t in the best way possible. exmas is another iconic fic, and knock three times, too. you do so many things so well that i can’t pick just one that stands out above the rest.

i love so many of you guys that i haven’t listed here. so many fics i read i just wanna shower you with all the love but it’s late so i go to sleep and i leave the tab open so in the morning i can comment but by then i’ve lost most of the specific things i wanted to say. so know that i’m always trying to be profound and all that stuff like i tried to be here, but sometimes i fail terribly. happy jatp appreciation day or whatever today is, everyone.

[maxbernini]

sekou and zoe :0? for 3 headcanons

tysm anon 💕 sorry this is so long i’m on mobile & can’t do a read more

zoe m (assuming it’s her and not wtf’s zoe lol):

- zoe is THE postergirl for “pretending you’re famous in the shower and being interviewed”, which is cool, we all do it, except zoe doesn’t limit herself to the shower, nor is she silent. many times ava has come home to find zoe in the kitchen telling an invisible oprah a highly exaggerated version of her life: something about kieu my once being SO lovesick zoe thought she had a fever and had to carry her to the hospital, bridal-style, and also there were zombies. it’s an easy way to make nora laugh too, but on her worst days, zoe will hold her and when she’s calm, give an “off the record interview” where she details why she loves her sister, the strongest person she knows

- she writes fan-fiction. it used to be self-insert type stuff, you know, “my mom sold me to one direction” and the like, but actually...really really good? she had a solid wattpad fan-base for a reason. nora used to make her story covers on photoshop. she sticks to ao3 now, posting devastatingly gorgeous 30k pieces once every six months or so that garner their own mini fandoms. i’m not going to say what medias she’s writing for, but i’m not ruling out a certain cursed never-ending CW show, nor something completely different and wild like....RPF about the buzzfeed unsolved guys or whatever. or maybe less famous, very niche buzzfeed people which makes it better/worse (she gets her own ‘10 Lines In This Fanfic About Our Employees That Will Make You Cry Into A Pillow And Demand We Start A Union’ article)

- when the instas went on their social media detox / camping retreat / whatever the fuck it was, zoe enjoyed herself more than she thought she would. they were there to help constantin, yes, but it was healing for her, too. she, kieu my, and finn shared a tent, and on the last night, she stayed awake far longer than she should’ve, listening to their breathing, listening to the trees. if she concentrated hard enough, she could make everything fade away until she felt, for a strange, single moment, that she was the only person in the entire world. it was honestly comforting, all that peace and quiet and numbness, and yet, when asked about her exhaustion the next day, she says she stayed up on guard to protect them from any bears or serial killers; ismail immediately pretends to stab finn (“i was the killer all along!”), and amidst all the ensuing dramatic chaos, zoe thinks: i am very glad to not be alone. i am very glad to be alive.

sékou:

- with an older brother and two older sisters, sékou’s the ‘baby’ of the family but they don’t baby or other him at all. they’re all close, despite the miles between them: his parents came with him to canada, though his dad, a doctor (and his son’s biggest defender, especially when it came to getting diagnosed within an ableist, racist healthcare system) had to stay in paris a little longer to sort out work stuff with the pandemic, meaning he and his mom spent the first few months alone - “but not lonely!” she says every morning over breakfast; she doesn’t mind cooking it because she loves him and he helps with dinner anyways, as that’s how he unwinds after school. dealing with numbers in recipes helps him stay sharp whilst allowing him to relax and have fun

- other unwinding techniques include IT-related commissions, video editing, art history, philosophy, and, of course, urbex. since it’s canon that la mif are too depressed to urbex now that he’s gone, i’ll say it’s the opposite for him. he does urbex in canada, and it’s nice to finally be with people who follow maps and put safety first and are rather clinical - though not necessarily boring - about their approach. he becomes the president of his uni’s urbex club, the quickest anyone’s ever risen through the ranks. still, sometimes down in those tunnels it’s dark enough that it’s easy to pretend he’s back in paris, the indecipherable shapes around him his old friends. he tags their initials on a wall, and never tells them, his own little secret

- determined to not fall out of touch to an irreparable degree though, sékou sends la mif letters/packages, often very personalized: it starts with, like, memes for jo, film recs for max, political articles for maya, positive affirmations for lola etc, before becoming an international small gifts exchange because everyone involved is extra. noticing two new guys on the group insta, sekou thinks it’d be rude to exclude them, figuring there’s no harm in sending a tiny boxing glove keychain he saw at the store the other day, or some sewing tips his eldest sister, a fashion designer, passes along. bc skamfr is often an unintentional comedy (eg: the car), everybody in la mif assumes they’re the only one getting sent stuff bc nobody talks about it out of guilt (“what if he’s not sending them things...”). so it’s quite a shock when sékou flies back home for summer and he and redouane are like, immediately going in for a hug, the first to do so, and bilal presents sékou with a homemade bowtie. max is very pouty about it but max is pouty about most things so jo elbows him in the ribs and they all hash it out at maya’s that night; sékou takes one look at the place and thinks: i’m glad your taste in decor is better than your wardrobe, and then thinks: i’m not sure where i want to live, there are so many things i want to do and discover and become, but there’s no where else i’d rather call home right now (is he talking about the city or his friends?? you decide!)

give me a character and i’ll tell you three pieces of headcanon i have about them! 

[im-not-a-joke]

Here’s a super niche au that only me and @eraseyourbookofstories will appreciate but I couldn’t help myself

The Party but on tumblr things

(This might be confusing, just go with it)

ok so before we get into this here’s my explanation - stranger things exists but the people we’re talking about here aren’t the characters, they just happen to have the same names (and also look and act identical but just go with it)  (queenie feel free to correct me if i’m wrong)

- first lets talk blogs

starting with el (main - waffleiron side - eggosenby11) - she is the biggest show!byler shipper ever and posts really specific (and correct) theories and when they get confirmed shes just like “CALLED IT”

max (madmaxs) is a huuuge show!elmax shipper and also bullies show!mike (and later tumblr!mike) on main 24/7

lucas’ blog (main - only-correct-opinions side - wtfisademogorgon) is mainly analyses of shows and movies that he likes with the occasional meme thrown in there, he personality really shines through in his tags and when he answers asks (but we’ll come back to the ask thing)

will’s (zomboy) celeb crush is finn wolfhard and he runs an it stan account, he’s very gay on main all the time and constantly reblogs those “date a boy who x” things, he is mutuals with el for a long time before this takes place, and they are good friends

dustin’s blog (dustinthewind) starts out as strictly dnd stuff, but his interests take over on now it’s a mess of fandom content and random facts and aesthetic dice

mike (finnwolfhardstolemyface) writes gay fanfic, i don’t make the rules. he makes a lot of memes and his blog is a bright yellow that hurts to look at, it’s titled “your daily dose of shitpost” (he also tends to complain about how they ruined show!mike’s character in s3)

jonathan (just-a-dude-and-his-camera) runs an aesthetic photography account, and occasionally steve shows up in his pictures, his pinned post reads “please stop complimenting the guy in my pictures, i already have to deal with him everyday, and if his head gets any bigger, it’s going to explode”

steve is too cool for tumblr but he likes to post jonathan’s stuff on his insta (he will, however, send jonathan a bunch of anons being cute, he signs them all “- your bf <3″

nancy (purple-roses) posts a lot of feminism and activism stuff and will roast the shit out of bigots that decide to mess with her (it makes robin like her even more)

robin (chasing-dreamcatchers) just kinda vibes, she reblogs whatever she wants, and posts usually about being a lesbian or dumb things steve does or her original poetry

- el is enby and uses she/her and they/them pronouns, they follow a ton of enby positivity blogs and reblog a bunch of positivity posts

- Dustin the trans guy reblogs trans ask games constantly

- el is decently well known in the little gay corner of the st fandom, so the rest of the party follows her

- she is mutuals with only mike and will at first, but she doesn’t really interact with mike

- will introduces her to the concept of show!elmax and she’s all “!!!! gay!!!”

- she proceeds to follow the elmax queen, max

- max is all “wait wait hold up waffleiron followed me w h a t”

- lucas and dustin are mutuals and don’t interact a lot but they do occasionally send each other asks

- max is also mutuals with lucas and dustin and she is a chaotic force in their inboxes

- will follows mike because curiosity and stays because he likes mike’s writing and his personality

- el recommends max’ blog to will and they become mutuals after max sees that el interacts with will’s posts a lot (“if they like him, i probably will too”)

- eventually they all become mutuals and interact in each other’s inboxes a lot and spam asks and have a decent foundation to their friendship

- dustin makes a passing comment about a discord server and theyre all like “!!! yes!!!”

- dustin and lucas start sending each other crush anons

- they also know each other irl so theyre both conflicted

- so dustin makes a discord server for the six of them and it’s chaos

- max starts bullying mike on her blog

- mike starts posting about a mystery boy (its will) on his blog and being a big gay disaster on main

- will is all “why doesn’t he like me :(”

- el comes out by reblogging a gifset of sadie sink and tagging it like “marry me pls”

- everyone is like “what” and theyre like “oh i like girls”

- max panics

- will occasionally will make a post like “friendly reminder that finn wolfhard is very pretty” 

- mike and max are both like “hmmmmmm my crush has a celeb crush on a celeb that looks very similar to me,,,, must be a coincidence”

- they discover that they all live along the east coast so they plan to meet in virginia where lucas and dustin live

- steve, robin, and jonathan all chaperone will

- nancy chaperones mike and is all “excited to see your bf” the whole time

- “hEs NoT mY bOyFrIeNd”

- when they meet, nancy and robin are both like “holy shit she’s prettier in person”

- all the adults exchange phone numbers and have a groupchat because steve doesnt have tumblr or discord

- steve tells embarrassing stories about will and will is all “stop” and mike is in love

- dustin and lucas are like “it’s you!!” and dustin is like “i think i’m the only trans guy named dustin in virginia, it wasn’t exactly a challenge”

- theyre not conflicted now that they know their tumblr crush and irl crush are the same person

- will and el make eye contact for the first time and launch themselves into a bone-crushing hug

- max and el have a moment in the pool in the middle of the night where they end up talking about crushes and describing each other and el is like “i like you” and max is relieved and they become a thing

- they’re all crying at the end of the week when they have to go back and will and mike are messaging the discord constantly because they don’t have to drive, lucas and dustin are there too

- mike and nancy are both gay panicking on the way home and its weirdly silent for most of the ride

[julies-butterflies]

I must admit, sometimes I do feel like a ye olden solider, sending letters to my beloved across the waves during wartime. Oh my dearest Lydia, I hope the kudos and comments crops have been plentiful this season. Your last letter left me weeping. Why must you put poor Reginald through such pain?

(I gotta admit, I still can't believe that I'm talking to you. I've been looking up to your work for so long...it just feels a bit surreal, even now! Glad you like hearing my ramblings! And that you liked my vampire prompt! Did not realize you'd write back when I sent that in. Look at us now, huh?)

(Speaking of prompts, I sent those jukebox and willex ones too. And I loved them both so so much, I shall scream about them more when it is not 2 am because I need sleep)

(Oh and the update of If I Was You!!! Amazing, Stellar, Incredible, Reggie, Carrie, Julie shenanigans is my new favorite thing, DID YOU JUST DOUBLE THE CHAPTER COUNT, and I'm like 90% sure Trevor is in deep trouble with a certain angry jazz ghost. Seriously loving it)

I actually do not remember what it was like to send in 1/5 asks, because I did not get a Tumblr until very reccently! I've always been a nerdy person, but Jatp is my first time being really in a fandom. You gotta do something new in quarantine, right?

Ah yes. Luke and Emily. To me, it just seems obvious that there's so much love between them. Even with all the pain. You get it. You put it down so eloquently.

As for what kind of stories I like to read...it seriously depends on my mood.

I like niche aus, passion projects. Stories where you can just feel the author's love for the world they're inventing. But I tend to lean towards cannonverse. I like ghost stories, it's what drew me to this show in the first place. And I love exploring that concept. (Being forever gone, and always the same...it's just fascinating to me)

Platonic goodness is just WONDERFUL for this show. I will read anything with cuddles. I am touched starved and these kiddos are too, and I will cry about them puppy piling every damn day. Plus there's just some much POTENTIAL for future friendships! I love ones where Flynn and Carrie get to interact with the boys as well. And 90s content, from before and after the orpheum, just hits hard.

I really wasn't expecting to get invested in the couples on this show, but something about them is moving to me. So I do love to read about them. Watching two queer kids who lived during incredibly important areas of queer history find love together after death really hit hard for me, and there's just something so bittersweet about a girl and ghost deciding to love each other for the little time they're given.

I love family dynamics too. Anything with Ray and his seven disaster children, the band and Trevor.... I think Julie and Emily is one of my favorite dynamics to explore. A girl who lost her mother and a mother who lost her son, both grieving but with one able to speak to the dead...it's just very powerful to me.

(And of course, Luke and Emily, but I figured you already knew that)

Mostly...I like seeing the messy stuff. The unexpected consequences, the baggage. I want to see the messy emotions, the grief and anger, the jealously, the disorientation. I look for those glass shards, that might be too sharp to ever be addressed on the show. Not even the big, monumental plot lines just... the harder pieces of life, the little moments that don't fit neatly into a nine episode arc.

I just want to see them live you know? Love, laughter and loss all mixed together.

(One of my all time favorite tropes is "found family gets broken apart by trauma, only to find each other again and come back stronger than ever." I feel like this explains a lot of my taste in fiction)

Thank you for the writing advice. Your words were very motivating. I am trying to begin! I got up the nerve to start working on a little piece. Who knows if it will go anywhere. But it's been nice, to finally put some words on the page.

The POTC au is so freaking good man. The character dynamics are just on FIRE. Everything is broken and messy and the relationships genuinely tug at my heartstrings. It's such a fascinating story. Highly recommend, even with the cliff hangers.

OH HOW COULD I FORGET PAWPRINTER? Man oh man I love all her work. The wheelies art and steals universe is freaking amazing, not an avacado had me in tears (of laughter, till things got surprisingly sad). And All that Remains...slow burn Willex perfection. Jedi Alex and Pilot Willie have my HEART.

I don't think I've read firefall and weneedglitter (or if I have, I'm just not connecting the names to their pieces. I don't always remember author names. it's a problem). I will go look for them though! Cannot wait!

For more recs, I recently binge read We Found Wonderland. I was not mentally prepared for the sheer amount of feelings that gave me. Highly recommend, if you ever want an emotional rollercoaster with an incredibly satisfying end.

Going on to more serious subjects...I'm sorry your family doesn't see your grief for what it is: honest. Better to feel everything quietly, than make it an easily understadnable performance. Fake grief is so easy to spot.

I think of that scene from "Forever," when Buffy breaks down and tells Dawn that she has to keep busy, because if she stops, it means Joyce is really gone. There's a lot of truth there.

On a tangent here but.. there was a very long period in my life when I was told the ways I expressed my emotions were "incorrect". And I found that sometimes, no matter how you show your emotions, you'll always be criticized. Numbness can be called disinterest, but sobbing can be called attention-seeking too. Too big, too small: that jury was impossible to please This may not apply in your situation but...it's okay to feel however you can. It's the only think you can do, really.

As I've said before, Grief is such an odd trickster.

Don't you ever get tired of missing people... This past year, I've been so weary of grief. Sometimes it can be so sharp, but it's that dull ache. That ball and chain, no longer cutting through your skin, but rubbing it raw, weighing you down.

And people don't like to talk about that part, because it's long and tiresome, but oh, is it there. I find it hard to talk about my grief, because sometimes there's just so much of it. I could drown in it, and that fear keeps me from looking to close. To incorrectly quote Jane Austin: "If I missed you a little less, I might be able to talk about it more."

(Sometimes it's faceable. But sometimes you just can't bear it. And that's okay.)

But what you wrote in that eulogy...the love is there. It's in every word you write. I cried reading that section. I feel honored once again to see some of your jagged pieces. You're sharing your heart, and there's just so much love.

In the wise words of an author I know, "Love is like the snow Reggie. It never goes away."

And don't worry, I'm always with you.

Sending Love,

-LydiaStan7845 (aka Vampire Anon)

So...that Reggie and Nicky prompt

my god

my GOD

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

I think it's safe to say congrats, you've officially destroyed me! I was not prepared for that at ALL. I should know better by now I guess.

I can't get over that even though they all take place in very different universe, all your stories just feel so connected! The way this talked about those headphones, which you mentioned in the first chapter of Kill Your Heroes...it's just so cool. All the characterization and backstory is just so well thought out, and it genuinely blows my mind.

I didn't think I could love Nicky Peters more. I was wrong. The way you write about him...even though you never go into exactly what happened to him after Reggie's death, you can just feel how much it's shapped him as a person. And the trauma around his father, and how he fears becoming like that, was just so beautifully written. He's just so lovable and flawed and trying so damn hard and you made my heart ache for him. Again.

You always take these genuinely crazy situations and...you just make them feel so real. I love you explore the strains such a revelation would put on Nicky's own life, it just makes everything so compellingly messy. It seriously feel like I was watching a real-life account of a family trying to deal with such a massive complication.

That porch scene had me in tears both times I read it. Reggie's just always a big brother, even though Nicky is more than twice his age now. My heart was shattered, and then you slowly mended it, piece by piece. And for absolutely no reason at all, you wouldn't happen to have a reference for the porch, would you?

Just wow. Hope you're doing well. Sending love and applause

-Vampire Anon

i’m not even gonna reply, but i want these documented... on my blog... for posterity.  ( for any curious onlookers, i’m dating this anon now!! )

[kohakhearts]

i am not immune to emo read-more text posts (im mostly just musing. tears have been shed but they are of the happy variety LOL. tl;dr i am so grateful. thank u. thank u for caring about my writing)

i had no idea that anyone cared so much about ss. i picked it up to finish it thinking i was doing it for myself, because i liked the story and it would be fun. i was not well-adjusted as a teenager; probably owing to having thousands of followers on tumblr at age 14, i was really obsessive about feedback on my fics and stuff. but i moved from writing for one of the most popular fandom pairings Ever to a super niche one. even now most of the content in the tag was written by me. and it didnt translate well, at all. i literally spent entire nights crying over how much no one cared about my work, thinking it made me worthless. i said and did some horrible things trying to guilt people into reading my work. my childhood was very lacking in extrinsic validation. it doesnt excuse the way i acted.

for me, then - even now, a bit - writing was something i did to keep myself sane and alive. i was not well. i was angry, i was full of grief and constantly surrounded by it, i was sad and hopeless. writing felt like all i had sometimes. i lost it eventually. i was so afraid it would never come back. but now...i’m glad i lost it, because i love it in a new way now. it’s not desperation or the need to control someone else’s world while mine was constantly spiralling out of control that keeps me writing anymore. it’s just...love. stories i tell, because i like them. a genuine desire to share words with other people, not so they’ll tell me they are exceptionally good but so that they can have a chance to experience that love too.

the things i wrote were products of love. a story like ss especially. fantasy! it’s My Genre. i’ve always written it. i’ve always loved it. i had so much fun building this world and inserting my favourite characters into it. i stopped writing the fic around the time my mental health was sliding into what would be its worst stages. my stories kept me happy. they made me forget why i was so miserable. they stopped being enough. i gave up on them.

in the years following my mental breakdown circa 2019, i’ve gone back to where i started in a lot of ways. i rewrote osa. it was a story i originally told not because i needed to tell it, per se, but because i needed to hear it. years later, it was the thing that brought me back into writing after six months where i hated it so profoundly i sometimes would sit in front of my computer and just cry because i was so sure, so sure, it wasnt coming back. so i wrote it again. and this time, i published it, so i could see it on my shelf. and people told me they loved it. someone told me it made them love reading again. they will never know that it made me love writing again too. my heart and my soul, everything - it’s in that book. it’s so much a part of me. people loved it. i heard them say, i love you.

and then i came back to the first fandom i ever properly wrote fanfiction for. i saw myself in a favourite character again. my experiences informed new works. within just a couple years, i’m still overwhelmed at the response many of these fics have had - ones they had in late 2019, and ones they continue to get today. people told me my work was special to them. they told me they loved it. suddenly, 200 kudos wasn’t an absurdly high amount to me anymore. i think it was just chance, really. i’m nothing special. if i’m a good writer, it’s because i’ve been doing it since i began grade school. because it kept me safe from everything outside of it. but still, i am so thankful. i’ve cried at people’s comments. i’ve been so touched, on my worst days i go through and find them and read them again, and i think - i did something meaningful. someone heard my voice. i spent my life not being listened to, and here, finally - someone heard something worth listening to.

i don’t remember a lot of my teenage years. the later ones in particular have gotten very fuzzy. i watched ons in late 2016. i stopped writing for it in early 2018, not too long after the first time i tried to kill myself. aside from the occasional request or commission, i’ve largely left it alone. all along, there’s been this fear within me. i see now that i didn’t just grow sick of ons; i came to associate it with the worst years of my life. i feel like my entire life fell apart in december 2017. i wouldn’t pick up any of these pieces until april 2019. i wouldn’t figure out how to put them back together properly until may 2021. each one hurt like hell. it was so heavy. i have ached so fiercely, for so long. i fear my grief more than i fear anything else. in the centre of it all is one of the brightest things i had at the time, which was ons.

i think picking up these old fics is an important part of removing the pain from them. learning to love again what i loved at my worst, knowing that even if it didn’t stop any of that from happening, it did keep me breathing through some very tough times. no one ever saw me. no one helped me until i was at my worst begging someone to just hold my hand for once and walk me through this because i was 18 years old and i couldn’t do it anymore.

but i didn’t know. i didn’t know anyone read my work and put it in their memories. i didn’t know anyone would read updates i posted 4 years later, because i didn’t know anyone cared. and i see now that people cared all along, but i was just so deep in my misery - in my need for the help my parents specifically weren’t extending to me - that i never saw it.

i was wrong. i was so wrong. even just 3 people responding so enthusiastically - reaching out, commenting, telling me they’re happy i’m updating - i can’t overstate how affected i’ve been by that. thinking of my teenage self, who was hurting so badly...i’m so grateful i lived to see the things that version of me couldn’t. i’m so happy. i have put so much of myself into everything i’ve ever written. and i’ve had - thousands. thousands of comments. thousands of people telling me they heard me. and i hope they know that i’m listening for them. i carry their words close to my heart. i am grateful, moved beyond words. i hear you. thank you. i never knew, but now i see and i won’t let myself forget. thank you for listening to me. thank you for loving my work even when my heart was torn in two. thank you for caring.

[raayllum]

“Another fic that we’re working on right now that I’m really proud of, for similar reasons that I’m proud of ‘Anchor’ and even just my original series, again, with touching on things like mental health or doing the hard longterm emotional work is ‘if time is money (then i’ll spend it all for you)’. Not only is that a lyric I just adore from one of my favourite songs, ‘next to me’ by my favourite band ‘Sleeping at Last,’ but it’s been such a rewarding experience. To not only write it and to really almost feel like you’re giving yourself therapy in a fic in a way, but also just the response it got, immediately, was just so much more than I thought. 

When we were writing it, we were nervous, ‘I don’t know if we’ll be able to write Runaan,’ and we were thinking, oh this is so niche — like, who’s gonna wanna read, like — we started it, we thought it would be a oneshot and then we were like no, there’s so much more to write here. But we thought it was just so niche, of who’s gonna wanna read like 40k of Callum and Rayla’s parents just learning how to get along, you know? There’s no real plot, right? Like, it’s just kind of doing the emotional work and I hadn’t seen too many fics like that in ‘The Dragon Prince’ fandom at that point. There may have been ones and they just slipped me by, or I didn’t read that far. Sometimes I’ll start fics and I forget to finish them, so you know, you could tell me anything about the ending.

But that’s been a fic that I’ve been so consistently proud of and consistently kind of emotional, for both its sadder and its happier moments and — I might get a little choked up. And it’s crazy, cause we’re on the last arc of the fanfic now, there’s six-ish more chapters to go, and I know I’m gonna cry when I finish it — when we finish writing it. ‘Cause every time you finish writing a fic it’s a little emotional, especially if it’s multichaptered and it’s been like a few months. We’re not leaving that ‘verse / collection of headcanons, we’re definitely going to write other things set there, ‘cause God knows we have time till canon comes to really like contradict anything, like enough that it matters, in terms of all the things we allude to happening in between after season three and when the fic starts.

But yeah, just because like I think the fic really is — I — if people take only one thing away from it, I want it to be self compassion. I want it to be that like, you can — and also compassion for others as well, but really just rooted in self compassion, in terms of like, you’re gonna have a lot of really messy, emotional feelings that don’t totally make sense. Or you thought you had dealt with it and it comes back and you’re like oh, what the hell is this? Or like, you’re gonna be angry at people and not really know why or angry at yourself and not really know why, or just whatever. And just like the really hard work of figuring out where that sort of thing comes from and like, letting yourself if not forgive, then move on from those sorts of things, again. In terms of how other people have hurt you, in terms of how life in general has hurt you, or whatever it is, and just kind of like reconciling with all the things in your life. That you might not get closure or things that you can’t change and that doesn’t mean you still can’t be happy and you still can’t live have a full, vividly beautiful life, because of any of that sort of stuff. And you can move on and you can be someone you never thought you could be and you can find so much love in like the most unexpected places, properly. And it’s not always gonna be easy, but it’s always going to be worthwhile, and why kind of hanging in there for yourself is always going to be worth it.

Leaving something, a project like that, that has so much been a manifestation of that all the way through, um, is going to be really emotional, as you can probably hear in my voice. But it’s definitely something, a theme or whatever that like we’re not and I’m not leaving anytime soon. And if I had to pick probably just one fanfic that message wise I’m extremely proud of, it would definitely be ‘If time is money’. That’s definitely what I believe in the most and I hope that that’s what people take away.”

—My answer of “out of all the fics you’ve written, which one is your favourite and why?” from the latest wordswithdragons podcast episode.

[tarotnoob]

I have been following you since the beginning and always checking ur new posts, however I realized I know nothing about you, without any pressure share anything about you, whether it be your tarot journey or what u do as a living or anything else ❤

thanks for asking.

i thought about this when i read it and why i don’t share too much or if there was anything of interest to say. i used to be interesting when i was younger. some basics - i’m an older millennial, i’m american. i went to grad school in the uk. i was in LA for a bit but stuff got screwed up bc of covid. i am applying for some jobs on the east coast atm. i’ve been doing tarot for not quite a year yet. the blog was started in... july? forget. i’m a writer by trade. i’ve written fanfic in the naruto fandom for AGES, but my degrees are in news print journalism and creative writing. i’ve also written for magazines. mostly i’ve been in marketing for various colleges, typically copywriting or managing their social media. i’m pretty normal but i have a lot of nerdy hobbies. i like anime, i like kdramas. i won’t say i like kpop but i like bts a lot. i just finished watching mandalorian. hm. i am a gemini but i can tell my mind/mouth are very earth lol. i’ve been working on my self for a year since i started tarot. once i got into tarot i started doing a lot more nightly meditations and became more open to the law of attraction and such - but i was always into tarot and supernatural things. 

i’m pretty annoying and self righteous as i think about it. i usually pick fights with people bullying others. i went to the jingle ball in LA last year and this karen (before we had a word for it) was annoying the young girl sitting next to me because she was standing at a -gasp- concert. and then she proceeded to insult the girl as well as myself after i stood up for her. even tho this karen had brought children and then went on to blame us for her children crying despite the fact she was being a major bitch and i told her the only reason they’re crying is because their mother is such an entitled embarrassment. 

so i get very naruto-y. like i said - i wrote in naruto fandom (a specific ship heh) for a very long time. and i had a lot of accounts associated with that but it’s how i met my bad ex and he stalked and harassed me a lot so i had to delete almost every account to get away from him. so, probably why i try to keep it on the DL here since he was effing nuts. plus i try to keep it about tarot. tho i think at the start i shared more? holidays had me a little busy. i don’t particularly even like christmas for the simple reason i’m always poor and you can never enjoy it bc ur too busy trying to buy presents and find money and there’s always drama - 

i’m glad it’s over. new year’s is tolerable. i travel a lot but i haven’t since covid since i’m around family a lot and i don’t want to get anyone sick. 

other than that, dunno. you’re always welcome to ask stuff as i’m pretty transparent. i appreciate you asking tho. it’s weird how when people are thoughtful it ends up feeling like a surprise yknow. however, i’ve found that people online when you have carved out a niche can be rather supportive and caring. granted, they can be the opposite. but. i appreciate the ask. i hope you are well and enjoying the blog, you seem to have nice energy so i hope things are going well for you and if good vibes can be sent, i hope something super awesome happens to you soon *sends it off*

[frenchibi]

hey, so i thought maybe you could tell us a little what you're currently interested in? ♥ like, what have you been doing during quarantine, are there any new shows you watched that you enjoyed a lot, did you maybe take up a new hobby or something? :)

Hello!! I did not forget this lovely message, I was just in no state to answer (who’d have thought that recovery from surgery is, y’know, taxing) BUT I’M BACK NOW and ohhhh do you know what you’ve unlocked by asking me this question...?? I cannot give you a comprehensive list but I can tell you a couple of the things that I got into during quarantine, and the things I am currently super passionate about! My memory is, uh, not great but thankfully I do journal and write down things so I am confident I can answer this for you :D (plus I do always love recommending things so - aaa??? Thank you for this ask????)

Putting things under a cut because I physically cannot chill but if tl;dr I want you to take away one thing from this it’s that everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Thoughts below.

(Also. I would love to go off about my interests more on here but am not sure what... shape that should ideally take? Text posts? IDK pls give me suggestions, help me out?? dfhasjkldf)

Movies

I have not seen many, but I can and will scream about The Old Guard over and over because... it was everything I never knew I needed in an action movie?? I don’t reblog many things about it anymore but I love love LOVED it!!

Also, upon recommendation by one of my friends from India, I have been delving into the world of Bollywood movies and WOW Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was so fucking good??? idk if it’s on Netflix in every country but it is in mine and I highly recommend it. It’s thoughtful, honest, emotional and shot absolutely gorgeously, and it also has that cheesiness that is just... so good... sometimes you just need the cheese y’know???

(Side note, 2020 was the year I saw Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the first time and I am a changed woman. It is now my ultimate comfort movie. Please see it if you have not, I cannot believe it took me this long. I saw it for the first time on an airplane (in january... a lifetime ago) and have seen it many, many times since.)

TV Shows

So, to everyone’s shock but especially my own, I have not really been into TV lately? I watched The Boys because my brother recommended it (it’s good, but gorey and pulls no punches, the R rating is deserved), and recently started watching Jujutsu Kaisen because my sister recommended it (I haven’t watched a new anime in like a year which is kinda wild to me? But I am enjoying this one - the opening SLAPS and what I’ve seen so far has been fun! Plus I’m watching it with my sister and I like sending her reactions xD),,, and that’s pretty much it for this category?? I am aware there is a LOT of good shit out there I just.. .don’t seem to have the attention span for multiple episodes of a Thing these days. Meh. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually ^^

Musical Theater

One of the main reasons I think I haven’t been big into TV is because my Musical Passion is in FULL SWING (haha get it). Probably because the only thing that has remained for me during this quarantine is my singing lessons (and lemme tell you... over skype, that shit is ROUGH but still better than not singing at all) and I have been obsessing over learning new songs and finding shows through recommendations and compilation videos on youtube... So.

Shows I listen to a lot these days include Starry, Anastasia, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Come From Away (I made a post recently specifically about musicals, you should be able to find it under #French speaks) - specific songs in my range that I am currently learning and obsessing over include “Bring on the men” from Jekyll and Hyde, “The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland, “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 (I liked it ok I DID), and “Go Tonight” from The Mad Ones (this one makes me cry... I’m making my sister duet it with me bc I can’t stop thinking about it).

Also, if you’re interested in hearing me sing things, head over to my instagram where I post covers (and also art)!!

(Musical people, I am curious to hear opinions about Great Comet, and also The Count of Monte Cristo - two shows I’ve been meaning to check out!)

Video Games

Listen. Animal Crossing New Horizons is awesome and I’m glad I have it (...give me Brewster back, Nintendo, or I WILL RIOT), but I have been branching out into other games for the Switch (might as well make this purchase worth it amirite) - current faves include Celeste (which is SO HARD but also SO FUCKING FUN) and Spiritfarer which I specifically bought to play at the hospital bc I knew I was going to be there for a few days, and let me tell you - best decision of 2020. Please watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it, it’s GORGEOUS and beautiful and emotional and I loved every second of it. Both of these can also be purchased for PC and I think they are definitely worth the investment!!

In other news I’m back on my Stardew Valley bullshit. It’s just so calming.I revisit it a lot lmao

Books

So... I have been reading. A LOT. I read over 70 books this year, which for me is... average tbh? I have had some less productive reading months but overall I have torn through stuff and BOY do I have recommendations if you want them?? For the sake of brevity I will only mention a few here:

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space”. That is all. This was my first five star fiction book of the year and I will never be done screaming about it. There is a dedicated but smallish fandom here on tumblr and it deserves SO MUCH MORE. Please, please please. Everyone should read this damn book. It’s confusing in the beginning but I promise it’s worth it IT’S SO GOOD!! And also the sequel is out and it’s also confusing and SO GOOD!!!

Educated by Tara Westover. This is an autobiography and it’s one of those books that like. Stick in your mind for months after you’ve read it. It’s about how this woman escaped an abusive household that was religiously oppressive and also like... survivalist (prepping for the apocalypse) and avidly believed in conspiracy theories - by educating herself, working her way up to going to Harvard. Nothing I say could do the emotional impact of this book justice - and also just, the perspective this book gave me?? Incredible. Education is the most powerful tool and this woman grabbed it by the hair and did not let go and I was FLOORED. Everyone should read this. I don’t even usually read biographies but DAMN.

The Winternight trilogy by Katherine Arden.(Book 1 is called The Bear and the Nightingale). This is a bit of a slow burn type deal - it’s a retelling of a Russian fairy tale (I think?? Or like a folk... story? Something like that) and it is just. So magical. It’s not fast paced but it works up to FANTASTIC moments, the focus is on family and magic and change and “making your own way” and all three of these books were wonderful. It reminded me of Naomi Novic’s Uprooted and Spinning Silver (both of which I also loved back in 2019 and would highly recommend) and they are PERFECT winter reads if you’re looking for something to get cozy with. I liked book 1 well enough but books 2 and 3 knocked it out of the park. Fantastic. Loved them.

I have many more recs but this will do for now hahah

Music

Gonna keep this brief too - my music taste is all over the place, but here are some songs I have been obsessed with recently!! Beware of genre whiplash though because these are Very Different from one another (and different from the musical theater stuff above)

Factories - Autoheart (that bridge gets me every time, idk why. This is one I could have on repeat for hours and not get tired of it either. Something about it just gets me!!)

History Read - The Altogether (The lyrics!! Tbh the entire Silo album is GREAT, but this one is my fave. Their music is so... mellow, in the best way??)

Weather Man - Valley of Wolves (ok this one is just a banger. I’m a sucker for a good sing-along-able hook (that’s not a word. you get me though right) and this fucking DELIVERS. I also just think “I make these dark skies blue, I make these mountains move, let the rain come down, I’m pushing through.... [pause] ... ‘cause I’m the weather man” is such good execution of a concept?? That PAUSE GETS ME it’s just SO FUN?!?! idk man I like a good upbeat banger and this is that.)

I believe (get over yourself) - Nico Vega (this one is just a callout at myself tbh?? “you’re a fool” I AM and I needed to hear it?? It’s also SO FUN to sing!!! We love a banger.)

Kiss me you animal - Burn the Ballroom (mentioning this mainly because it reminded me, lyrically, of Gideon the Ninth and I need someone to confirm this for me before I go insane?? “everybody knows that home is where your teeth sink, love” - I mean c’mon??? Also it’s a banger. I do like some rock from time to time... and this also has a killer driving bassline. This is super fun to drive to, too!!)

((If we have overlap and anyone wants to exchange playlists with me - I am SO here for it. Always looking for new music!!! I mean it!!))

Youtube

Last and certainly not least... meet my newest hyperfixation!!! I have always loved watching video essays, and booktube videos, and arttube videos - and my current niche of favorite creators is the Polygon video team!! They made videos about video games and board games and anything gaming-related and I just. I’m only peripherally a “gamer(TM)” but I love anything and everything they create. (Also you don’t have to know much about video games to enjoy all of their content!! A lot of it is still accessible to Non-Gamers(TM) or casual gamers!) BDG is my new favorite creator, the Unraveled series he does on the channel is a work of genius - but I have also started watching their streams and older series and I am enjoying myself SO MUCH! I love boardgames so their series on them, Overboard, is so fun and entertaining (and I already know a bunch of games I want to buy based on seeing the gameplay), and it also made me invested in the other creators - particularly Simone, I would die for Simone?? And Pat? And Jenna? They each have their niche and they work really well together too and their videos are my Main Serotonin Machine in these trying times(TM), thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Also. If you’re already following me here and you are familiar with Polygon things I BEG YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM because I am like, bursting, but I also don’t want to flood my dash with stuff that 99% of my followers are unfamiliar with y’know??

...I think I’m going to leave it at this - it’s already a lot!

But thank you once again for asking and for letting me Go Off about things I am interested in!! I just... I very often wish I could do this more, but I’m not sure how to go about it? Should I just do text posts about things?? Would that be interesting to anyone?? Or is that like, annoying? Should I start a review blog or something? dhfajkldhf I just want to talk about things that excite me, but whenever I’m here I often just stick to reblogging other people’s stuff... help?? What do y’all want to see??

[everyonesonthespectrum]

30 days of Autism Acceptance: Day 3!

April 3: Talk about special interests. Do you have any? What are they? How long have you had them? What does it feel like to have special interests? What does having special interests mean to you? Talk about your past special interests

HOO BOY! Ok, I’ll try not to go on too long about my special interests, but I have a lot to say about them! Also, some of my special interests are in this weird grey area of “are they a SpIn or a hyperfixation?”, so I’ll cover those as well, and make it noted when that’s the case for one. Also, this will be VERY LONG, so I’ll put it under a cut.

SpIn #1 - Pokemon

Pokemon has been my main special interest since I was 9, I believe! Black was my first game that I got for my birthday, and I was super happy to get it since all of my friends at the time would talk about it! I’ve gotten (almost?) every major release since then, thought I usually only get one out of the two versions. 

The Pokemon games that I have are *inhales*: Black, Black 2, HeartGold (got a few years after it came out), X (I have the limited edition 3DS), Alpha Sapphire, Moon (first completed Pokedex!), Ultra Moon (haven’t beat and probably never will), Let’s Go, Eevee!, Sword (still trying to beat), Conquest, Art Academy, PMD: Gates to Infinity, Picross, Rumble World, Battle Trozei, Pokemon Quest, Pokemon Playhouse (for when I’m regressed), Poke Park 1 & 2,  My Pokemon Ranch, and Battle Revolution!

I also used to play the TCG competitively, and in my first competition, I placed 9th in my division! I stopped playing about a year after that though because the cards I used in my strategy when I would practice with my Dad were too old to be viable.

I have a growing stuffie and merch collection as well! I have a lot of Unova stuffies, and a print of the Unova map that I got at a ren faire when I was younger (it currently hangs above my dresser)! My two favorite stuffies at this time are Baby my Eevee Build-A-Bear (named after my Eevee in Let’s Go, Eevee!), and Lily my Wooloo! I have a couple of Pokemon sketch cards that friends of my Dad’s drew, and some prints and figure-y things I’ve gotten in Artist Alleys over the years!

I also own a couple of different Pokemon books (not the manga, though), and 2 of the movies, along with the OSTs for B/W, X/Y, and ORAS! I don’t have much as far as clothing goes though, except for my “Gotta Catch ‘Em All” scarf and a Pikachu hat I got at an old anime store at the mall that has since closed. That’s probably all I can remember right now!

SpIn #2 - Steam Powered Giraffe

SPG has been a special interest for about 4 years now? Anyway, they’re my #1 favorite band and have literally saved my life. Watching Bunny Bennett’s (who plays Rabbit) vlogs about her transition, along with listening to the song Transform that she wrote (waaay before they just made it a single) really helped me accept myself and come out. 

They also came at a time where I was struggling emotionally a lot, and I remember being stuck in the ER hooked up to an IV, and my mom played some of their albums for me to keep me calm and grounded. More recently, I saw them perform at Anime Midwest last year, and when they performed Transform (which neither me or my friends expected), we were all hugging each other and crying tears of joy (my friends are trans as well, and have also been touched by Bunny’s vlogs).

Their songs (not including the sad ones) make me really happy as well, and Make Believe makes me stim a lot in particular! I also got to sing Honeybee as part of a voice coaching summer camp I took last year, and it felt really good to do it! I really recommend listening to them, especially if you like steampunk and/or you’re looking for trans artists to support!

SpIn #3 - Little Shop of Horrors

So this is more of a fairly recent one, compared to the first two. This special interest mostly applies to the 1986 movie, but I’ve seen the stage musical as well! The music, the cast, the plot, it’s all *chef’s kiss*. But for real though, my two favorite things about the movie are the practical effects and the endings.

With the CGI fresh hell we got with CATS, you may thing, “wow, special effects were so much better back then”. Except here’s the thing, they were practical effects. Audrey II is (I believe) entirely puppetry, not CGI. The same applies for the musical as well! It really culminated at the end of the film during “Mean Green Mother from Outer Space”, when Audrey II is at it’s biggest and most elaborate. Speaking of that scene, I much prefer the director’s cut over the theatrical cut. I know that the happy ending is much better for Audrey and Seymour, but “Don’t Feed The Plants” is an absolute banger, and I get a good cry out of it too.

I heard they might be making a remake of the movie, which I’m hesitant about, again, seeing how CATS turned out. We can only hope that they listen to the fans, and make the right decisions when it comes to making it.

SpIn #4 - Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Ok, so this is one of those aformentioned “is it a SpIn or a hyperfixation” moments. I’ve been hyperfixated on JJBA for the past 6 months and I’m physically unable to shut up about it XD

I’m about to start watching part 4 of the anime, I just need to set aside time to do it. I watched it a tad out of order, my ex told me to skip part 1 and watch a synopsis of it, so I started with part 2 (I’m a huge part 2 stan btw), got to part 3, was confused by everything going on with DIO, so I went back, watched part 1, and then resumed part 3.

As I mentioned, I’m a huge part 2 stan, so I currently have several part 2 character cosplays in the works. This includes (but isn’t limited to) Caesar, Suzi Q, Playboy Bunny Caesar (inspired by a piece of art that @tinypalettes drew), Tequila Joseph (but like,, actually decent drag), and Cleric Suzi Q from the JJBA D&D session me and my friends are having. I also want to do a drag/latex DIO look, along with maid DIO inspired by an old JUMP cover and a fanfic I read the other day.

I get a little nervous about doing/going to JJBA events at conventions because I’m worried about running into my ex, but knowing that I have supportive people with me helps a lot.

SpIn #5 - Homestuck/Hiveswap

So this is another one of those “SpIn or hyperfixation” moments as well. I’ve been into Homestuck since late 2016, but I’ve never been super involved in the fandom. Like, yes, I have a moirail and I’ve been in and hosted panels at conventions, but I’ve encountered some toxic people in it, so I try to distance myself.

I will say, however, that Homestucks are loyal to their fandom, and will buy merch if they like it. When I say that, yes, I mean myself, but it’s mostly about my Etsy customers. If you look at my sales history, the majority of it is quadrant necklaces, almost always the moirail ones. I get some orders for horns and pillows too, but not as often as the necklaces. When it comes to exhibiting at conventions, it depends. I normally don’t put Homestuck stuff out on the table because it’s such a niche, but when I do, people will usually buy a lot at once. For example, at Wizard World Madison in 2018, one guy bought $50-60 worth of Homestuck sprites from me. That weekend was the best I’ve ever done, and I haven’t come close since. My Etsy store started out as just me making Homestuck sprites for me and my friends too, so I’m glad that I was able to expand and give others what I like as well.

I’m also involved in a Hiveswap YouTube musical, and I’ve made a lot of good friends through it! We’re on hiatus right now, but we should be starting up again soon! I also have a lot of Homestuck cosplays! I’ve done Karkat, John, Jade, Nepeta, Trickster Nepeta, Karkat Peixes (a bloodswap), and I have a lot more that I want to do!

SpIn #6 - Danganronpa

So Danganronpa is (probably) one of those last “SpIn or hyperfixation” things. I’ve been into Danganronpa since 2018 (I think?), and DR:AE is my favorite (mostly because I’m a Kotoko and Toko kinnie oof-)!

Right now, my only Danganronpa cosplay is Toko/Syo, but I’m working on a couple of j-fashion (particularly menhera and fairy kei) inspired looks to do with my moirail (who was the one who got me into j-fashion), and just some Amazon/eBay cosplays as well! I’m also working on a Future Foundation Toko cosplay to do with my moirail so we can do Tokomaru together (though most of it is thrifting and clothes I already have)!

I own DR1, SDR2, and DR:AE on my computer, but I don’t play them much. The second trial in DR1 gives me panic attacks because of the whole breaking of trust thing (I’ve heard the audios and I just,,, break down), I haven’t touched SDR2 yet, and I’m sucky at the controls for DR:AE. However, I’ve watched the anime and I’ve seen let’s plays, so I have a feel for what’s going on, though I may not remember it all correctly since I haven’t watched them in a while.

———————————–

So that’s most (if not all) of my special interests! I probably forgot some, but it’s getting late and I need to pack for my Mom’s and go to bed. I hope you all have a good night!

[bugaboowritings]

On Mother’s Lap - Adrien Misses his Mom

Adrien talks to his (Maybe-Dead) Mother 

 I swear I’m okay, just freaking out about the last episodessssss. Enjoy this piece inspired by this angst-thread. 

Don’t forget to reblog my and other writers’ and artists’ works. Gonna spread that good stuff as this fandom reaches a crisis. 

People will never remember the day they were first held in their parent’s arms, but they will feel and recognize their mother’s embrace or the throbbing of her heartbeat drumming against their ear when she comforts them. Learning to cherish the warmth of her meals or the cool drives to school in the early, winter mornings. Appreciating the home-diagnosis of illnesses as a fresh hand presses against one’s forehead. Or the shouting that beckons one downstairs to help with groceries or memorizing the script their parents repeat when they get a scolding for rolling their eyes.

All the little niches of home-life and the precious recollections are embedded between the pages in fragile photo albums. Moments in reality that the boy with everything will never have again.

His family isn't together.

His mother is gone.

Period.

In the beginning, Adrien Agreste still needs to step back and process how great his loss is. How this will change the rest of his years and the house he confidently called home once.

Settling for the sun-baked stone left out in the garden of roses for a mom. Nuzzling his face in the crook of his arms before setting his head on her solid lap. His sleeves pulled over his fists. Nervously picking at the seams and yarn. Distressing it as much as his heartstrings were.

“Mother,” He said before his voice quivered ever so slightly.

“Do you think I should forgive him?”

In the western shows that plagued late-night television or movie screens, they often aired high school stories or coming-of-age tales. Living the most normal or diverse lives as they did their homework the night before it was due. Sitting around with friends or plugging themselves to their phone until something interesting happened (which was usually around ten minutes into the flim).

Nevertheless, they all have something to go home to. From the neat trailer parks to the dusty suburbs. From the close-knit ghettos or cluttered apartments. There was always something to come back too. A family waiting to come together.  A stove with something cooking or a fridge waiting to be plundered.

Adrien watched millions of titles in his childhood, eating them up as if they were goodies after Halloween night. Watching them long enough to identify the actors and their love interests, memorizing the plots of some, certain scenes from another or a single line that could define the movie altogether. Sometimes his flat screen tv played the movies on repeat on certain nights or didn’t stop playing till the sun peaked over the horizon the next morning.

Buying more with his allowance and replaying them since they were the only snippet of 'real' life he had in his possession. Exposing him to different lives and points of view as the characters went out to find themselves. All as Adrien found himself in the same spot every Friday night.

Each movie presented a new experience that Adrien would engulf himself in. He was a spy helping lost aliens, a nerd looking for a date to the dance, a lawyer that finally had the advantage after years of being the underdog, a writer trying to make it big or even a free man exploring the everlasting sunset of the open ocean.  He became so involved with their lives and stories that those characters became a part of him, reinforcing certain wishes and hopes in him. Making him realize what he really wanted.

Not another bike or pinball machine or world-wide trip or a silver watch to wear to those elaborate dinner parties he constantly felt anxious and sweaty in or another fountain pen that had his name engraved. No, not that. What he really wanted were simple and cheap joys of life.

However,  if they were really that simple in the end, he wouldn’t have to go to bed starving for them.

Sniffing up his tears when he grew more frustrated with each reject or light ‘maybe’. Burying his face in his pillow before he could calm down. Each year was more difficult than the last since asking for permission felt like presenting a case to an inflexible court. Determining to say guilty without hearing his suit.

In the beginning, refusal was reasoned out with duties and values.

“Adrian, I- Your father is a busy man. He can’t always be with us for dinner.”

“Adrien, son. You have to focus on your studies. I heard from your tutor that your Chinese isn’t as fluid as it once was. How can I let you out there if you’re not taking care of your responsibilities here?”

“Oh, Adrien. I would prefer if you watch the movie here, really. Movie theaters aren’t the cleanest and it’s flu season. The family has connections with the director so we work something out-”  

“Adrien, please. Your mother sick and needs to rest. Go to your room before you wake her up.”

“Adrien, your father is not in the best . . . -mindset. He needs time alone.”

“Adrien. Get ready before the car picks you up for your fencing class.”

Those dismissals just seem plain offensive as time passed. Hushed without another word, being told to finish his meal before it got cold.

 It wasn’t until the disappearance of a beloved blonde that triggered an awful period in the Agreste Mansion. As reporters were flooding Nathalie’s line, his father (if we should even call him that) locked himself in his office under lock and key. Never speaking to his son, unless the business needed him too.

Eating dinner wasn't as enjoyable as it was before. The dull atmosphere made Adrien lose his appetite more times than the chief could count.

Adrien went out to fencing class more often. The only time he was really out of the dark house was spent being sweaty and tired, but it all better than sitting in his room waiting for a miracle to happen.

Fencing as gracefully as it can be- was driven by action. Letting the young teen relieve that anger pinching his shoulders. Making his back too stiff to get a good-night sleep.

Chinese and piano lessons were time-consuming and grew to be a bit irritating when he didn't get the keys or pronunciation right. While the newly added photoshoots felt 'artificial' and strange. Making him feel more disconnected than he already was.

The only thing that seemed to bring him back from that limbo state was his old DVDs in his cabinets and drawers. Rediscovering them after shuffling around his room for a distraction. By 7 pm, he had organized his shelves and surrounded himself with a circle of movie classics and old favorites that hopefully aged as well as the wine in the house’s cellar.  

Slowly, he went down his old system of watching and repeating, watching and ejecting one to put in another DVD. In a way, it helped him mourn. The comedy let him smile for a moment, the plot made him forget everything, and the emotional bits made it easier for him to cry. Comfort him when Nathalie’s schedules and his father’s silent couldn’t.

However, they hurt more at times then relief.

It made it more apparent that he was missing something in his life.

Starving for any air outside of the huge mansion that was shut with security systems, gates, and bodyguards. Not helping the aching in his heart for a friend his age or a day out in the mall or REAL teachers to teach and correct him on his classwork or socks with funky designs that his father wouldn't approve of or a group of friends to sit and talk to while eating the not-so-pleasant cafeteria food in a public school or and the thing he knew he may never get, a nagging mother.

Not one to tell him to clean his room, no one to give him a heart-to-heart talk he's heartbroken, no one to tell him to look at this and that when they're out shopping and no one to push away when they beg to pick at his acne when he’s grown used to it.

Even as the idea mellowed in his head, it still managed to give him a heart attack.

Adrien squeezed his arms tighter. Feeling his eyes get squshed against his forearms, knowing that it would add to the redness on his face.

Instead of his mother’s butter-like tone, he was left with a stone statue that spoke more than the snake surrounded by silks and threads inside.

Adrien came to the terms and conditions of his position. He was the son of the rich, famous, and had everything he required. Yet, this life wasn’t what he wanted. Adrien had to get out of here before he became crazy. All as his father, on the other hand, thought otherwise. Rejecting his son's pled to go to public school all in the harsh way possible.

By grounding him.

“I just don’t agree with this. And I already know what you’re going to say.” Giving a chuckle that sounded more like the rough wheeze or his deflating lungs gripping for air. As if they would preparing to get drowned out by another set of sobs. Lifting his head up while his eyes squinted at the sun. Adjusting to the brightness as his eyelashes fluttered.

“-'Your father shows his love in a distinctive and subtle way.' But mother, this isn’t about love.” Biting his lip as if that sentence made his mouth bitter. Not sure if he wanted to hide his pain or spill it out in the open much like how the morning sun shined over the garden of roses.

“It’s not concern or affection or a sense of protection." Adrien sniffed.

"It’s plain right dissociation.”

“ And . . . That’s not a family.” He hushed, afraid of the conclusion he came to. Delivering it as a whisper, not wanting to break his mother on the reality that played out without her near.

Adrien held himself tightly, rubbing circles on his shoulders. Closing his eyes as he prayed for a sign to tell him what she felt.  Something to show him that she's there. Holding him even if he's the only one there. Whispering in his ear that it's okay, everything will be fine. Time will pass. Things will heal.

Swiftly, the cool breeze around him warmed up. A sunray managed to weave its way around the rosebushes to hit his shiny hair. Lifting the boy's head to glance at his mother's smile down on him. The sunlight caught his mom’s eyes, glimmering the bits of crystal in them. Reminding him of the real thing.

“Thanks, Mom.” Adrien beamed. Biting his lip before he let out another sob. “I knew I could count on you.”

Dropping his head down back to his mother’s lap.