#so I’m just bored and getting out of shape and unemployed

[kidrat]

:/

[ratmonky]

Blind Date

Word Count: 3.7K

Warnings: alcohol, breeding, oral sex

AO3 Link

whoops didn’t post it here

Sometimes Nanami wished he knew what his life would be like if he were a normal person.

He would be married, he guessed. Living in a large apartment with his wife and two kids while he worked without rest. He would die in his home, in his bed, surrounded by his family with guilt because he would wish he had done something more exciting in his life before it ended.

That was why he was here, that was the speech Gojo had given him to convince him to meet up with a potential lover.

“Are you ready for your order, sir?”

Nanami raised his hand as a ‘no’ and slightly smiled, “Not yet, I’m waiting for someone.”

He took a sip from his wine, looking out from the window of the restaurant. He checked his watch and sighed, he couldn’t believe the person he was supposed to meet was late. Two hours late.

Wasn’t he too old for blind dates anyway?

Maybe he should leave now and make up an excuse before Gojo’s friend arrived.

Or just leave without saying anything, he didn’t owe anything to Gojo in the end.

Yet… Nanami stayed, hours passed and the waiter kept asking him if he was ready for his order but he stayed.

Only when it was a couple of hours later, he realized that Gojo’s friend wasn’t coming. He got stood up.

An enormous wave of anger washed over him and he felt embarrassed. He had been waiting here, all excited like a high school girl for nothing. He was angry at himself for believing he would be able to trust Gojo or his friend.

He paid for his tab and left the restaurant, he felt even more ashamed of himself when the waiter who had been serving him whispered something in a waitress’s ear and she discreetly giggled just as he walked out of the door.

Unable to go back to his cramped apartment with no one waiting for him, he found himself in a bar.

He sat by the counter and ordered a whiskey, taking quick and big swigs from it until the bartender refilled his glass.

Whether it be the chatter or the faint jazz music playing in the low-quality speakers of the bar, it helped ease his anger. With each swig of his whiskey, he started to forget about his day.

He forgot about Gojo’s mocking tone as he spoke to him into going on a blind date, Itadori’s curious questions about his love life, and finally, Gojo’s friend who he hadn’t even met.

“Excuse me.”

You were already staring back at him when he turned around.

“Is this seat taken?”

Nanami didn’t know what to say, he was unable to move his mouth so he instead gestured to you to sit. He turned back around and realized his glass was empty. After a quick wave at the bartender, his glass was full once again.

“Can I get a cocktail-” You stopped yourself and sighed. The bartender was already on the other side of the counter and chatting with other customers.

Nanami took a quick glance in your direction, he hadn’t realized it before but you were alone. He had thought you were going to sit next to your date or friend when you had asked for the seat next to him. As he looked around his surroundings he saw that the counter was mostly empty with many unoccupied seats, yet you were sitting next to Nanami.

You were struggling to get drinks for yourself, you were clutching on your purse and shifting on your seat anxiously whenever the bartender moved yet didn’t notice your presence.

The next time the bartender moved, you had already given up on whatever cocktail you were going to order.

He sighed, even when his mind was slurred with alcohol he was unable to be selfish for one moment.

Nanami lifted his hand and waved to the bartender, within that second, the man was standing in front of the two of you. He reached to grab the whiskey bottle to refill Nanami’s glass but Nanami put his hand over his glass and turned to you.

“What were you going to order?”

His question made you surprised but almost immediately your mood had lightened, you smiled before talking. “Something sweet and cold.”

The bartender nodded and went away to grab some fruity liquors and ice while you were thanking Nanami for his help.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it,” You turned your body towards him and placed a hand on your chest with your cheeks tinted bright pink. “I’m kinda embarrassed now, was it that noticeable that I can’t order something by myself?”

“I wouldn’t say so.”

“I’m (name) by the way, what’s your name?” you asked when the bartender placed your cocktail on the counter.

Although on any normal day, he would have ignored a talkative woman like yourself, drinking made him a little social.

“Nanami. Nanami Kento.”

“Tell me, Nanami Kento, what do you work with?” Crossing your legs, you relaxed your posture.

Nanami couldn’t help but curl his lips as he turned on his seat to face you. “I’m a businessman.”

“Ahh,” you pouted, “Isn’t it boring?”

“It is,” he said, the lie itself was harmless, he knew he wouldn’t meet you again tomorrow or anytime in the future. “What about you?”

“That’s a secret!” You winked with a smile.

“So, unemployed?”

“Hey! Don’t just assume on your own!” With a laugh, you playfully pushed him. “That’s mean, you know.”

Nanami chuckled, he took a swig of his whiskey.

Following his lead, you took a sip from your drink. Your brows raised and your smile grew at the taste. “This is delicious,” you remarked, holding out your drink towards Nanami. “Try it.”

For a moment, he looked confused but from the way your eyes were sparkling, he couldn’t refuse. He hesitantly took a sip of your drink through the straw.

“Isn’t it yummy?”

Out of courtesy, he nodded.

Although he didn’t have a sweet tooth nor liked others invading his personal space, seeing you giggle and tell him all about yourself or whenever you brushed your hand against his forearm while talking made him feel at peace somehow.

As you two continued talking to each other,  he became more talkative, by the end it felt like you were staring at a completely different person. His unapproachable aura was gone, replaced by something else entirely.

By the time Nanami remembered to take another swig from his whiskey, the ice in his glass had completely melted and the drink probably tasted awful. He refused to drink the ruined drink and yet… he didn’t feel like ordering another glass either.

You had just finished your second drink and looked like you were getting ready to head out.

Decidedly he called the bartender over and paid for his and your drinks.

“You didn’t have to,” you cooed, placing your credit card back in your purse. “How can I thank you?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t bother,” he replied. In his mind, it was a way of him thanking you for cheering him up. He got up from his stool and fixed his blazer, buttoning up the buttons he had undone while talking to you.

“Okay, thank you.” You paused as you were about to leave. “But if you want, we can go to my place and I can pay you back there?”

Your suggestion made Nanami raise his eyebrows. Even though the two of you were set to split and head your separate ways, he followed after you and left the bar. You didn’t say anything if you noticed how he basically ran after you.

Nanami hadn’t realized it until now but the attraction he felt towards you was mutual, he couldn’t tell it back in the bar because his mind was slurred with alcohol and he had thought you were just being over-friendly but he was certain about it now.

You were a beautiful young woman and seemed like you were interested in him as much as he was interested in you.

You two kept walking, side to side, without speaking. When he mustered up enough courage to talk, you spoke instead. “I only have beer in my fridge, I hope that’s fine.”

He hummed in response and he noticed you two were heading towards a small building. He followed after you into the building, up the stairs, and into your apartment.

The place was small but it had enough space, that was his first impression.

Nanami shrugged off his blazer and grabbed a coat hanger before hanging it on the coat rack properly to prevent it from creasing. His eyes were scouting the small living space before they landed on your gorgeous figure.

The way you moved gracefully and confidently without trying too hard made his thoughts go south.

You kicked off your shoes and reached to grab a coat hanger to hang your own coat but Nanami grabbed it from your hands and threw it on the shoe rack. You opened your mouth to say something but his lips stopped you.

You had your arms around his neck in seconds out of pure habit. His head-spinning smell invaded your nostrils and you felt him placing hands on your hips.

Then you finally managed to understand the way his eyes had been looking at you in the bar. He had been seizing you up from the moment you had walked up to him.

When he had kissed you, it had been a moment of him losing his composure but you could feel his desperation. His tongue moved inside your mouth to desperately savor your taste, hoping for you to remember his taste mixed with yours.

Nanami tasted of cigarettes and whiskey, which, although you didn’t mind, made you aware of your own taste. Faint traces of the fruity liquor and white wine you had drunk earlier.

His moving hands brought you back to the moment. You felt his palm press against the soft flesh of your ass and his fingers groped your ass as he roughly felt the shape.

A wave of arousal hit you and you pressed your thighs together, pulling yourself away from the kiss. “I…- Let’s go-”

Your feet were no longer touching the floor, instinctively you held onto Nanami while he walked further inside the hallway, carrying your weight like it was nothing.

You wanted to tell him which room was yours but he had already found your room. He kicked the door shut behind himself before walking up to your bed and throwing you down onto the soft mattress. You laid still, watching Nanami undo his tie and unbutton his shirt. His eyes, those smothering eyes were on you, admiring your beauty.

When he finally unbuttoned his shirt, he shrugged it off from his shoulders and gently folded it, putting it on top of your dresser.

Your breath hitched when he looked at you with a smile before unbuckling his belt. The metal sound filled your ears and echoed in your room. He took off his pants and gestured to you to come closer.

Like hypnotized, you sat up on the bed, waiting.

He moved towards you, standing right in front of you until there wasn’t any space left between the two of you. He placed a hand on your chin, gently lifting it up.

Your eyes were on his, he stared down at you, smirking mischievously. You weren’t sure what was going through his head but you didn’t want him to be the only one who was undressed. In a swift motion, you unzipped your dress and let it fall from your shoulders to your waist.

Nanami offered you a hand and when you took it as you stood up, your dress hit the floor. Stepping out of your dress, you were about to sit back on the bed but Nanami pressed a hand on your shoulder, pushing you down.

You got on your knees, eyes aligned with curiosity.

Nanami placed your hand he was holding on his growing bulge.

Your cheeks flushed bright red but you did as he wanted. You hooked a finger around the waistband of his boxers and pulled it down slowly. The waistband snagged his growing erection, it bounced as you pulled it down. You gulped audibly, he was bigger than you had expected.

Hesitantly, you looked up to him, he was watching you intently.

Not wanting to disappoint him, you opened your mouth and wrapped a hand around the base of his cock. You sucked gently on the pink tip until he placed a hand behind your head, pulling you towards himself all the while the girth of his cock forced you to open your mouth wider to be able to take him in.

Nanami let out an audible breath and petted your head to encourage you.

His cock was only halfway inside your mouth but you felt like you would unhinge your jaw if you even tried to take a millimeter more.

Proving you wrong, Nanami surged his hips forward, making you take more than half of his cock in your mouth.

Your drool overflowed from your mouth and spilled down to your chin as he continued to move. You looked up, hoping that if he saw how uncomfortable you were, Nanami would pull out but he was already watching you with amusement.

He had this menacing look on his face, his eyes were half-lidded, mouth agape.

Your body shivered in anticipation of what he could do to you, pressing your thighs together, you tried not to gag when he grazed your throat with his cock.

Nanami was impressed with your dedication to let him do as he pleased. He liked the obedience.

Although he would have liked to see if he could make your nose touch the hairs on his crotch but you were already at your limit. He sighed, he was already a little tired from everything he had done today. He was also very drunk, he was aware of the situation but at the same time, he wasn’t because you were like a dream come true.

He took pity on you and pulled out from your mouth.

“Isn’t it yummy?”

It took you a moment to realize he was mocking you and you laughed as you were coughing,

The two of you moved back to the bed, he climbed on top of you. His stare on you was like a predator getting ready to eat its prey.

“You look even prettier under me,” he said, smiling at you as he wiped your drool away from your mouth.

“I’d look better on top,” you went on to say. Your eyes lingered on his broad shoulders and sharp features.

“Witty, aren’t we?” His smile grew wider, his voice deeper than normal.

You parted your lips to answer but he took the opportunity to push his forefinger inside your mouth, he didn't avert his gaze from you, instead he chuckled softly.

Nanami pressed his finger into your tongue, looking at you expectantly.

You wrapped your tongue around his finger, sucking it inside your mouth. He pushed his finger further back after adding another finger into your mouth, nudging into your throat to test your limits.

“Good girl,” he said when you swallowed around him to take his fingers further down your throat. There was room for improvement in the future. Finally satisfied with your mouth, he exhaled a warm breath to your face and pulled his fingers out.

A voice closer to a silent moan came out from you.

“You’re quite sensitive.” His hand landed on your inner thigh, caressing the soft flesh before kneading it gently. You trembled when he ran his fingers up your thigh and his other hand cupped your chin, making you look at him in the eyes, his smoldering eyes wandered over your cute features before stopping on your lips. “Or… could this be your first time?”

You softly gasped, your cheeks flushed bright pink which gave him his answer.

Dumbfounded, he smiled wickedly, his hand went further up your thigh, and out of shock you closed your thighs but fingers were already brushing against your folds.

“Do you want me to stop?” he took a staggered breath.

“No,” you stammered. You couldn’t deny how aroused you were. Not when your juices had already soaked your panties. “Just… please be gentle.”

“I don’t think I can.” Nanami’s words left you petrified. “I can’t hold back, (name).”

His hand between your legs slid up until he could run his finger between your folds. He smiled because of how wet you were. His erection between your bodies poked your stomach. You moaned at the realization, your hands weakly pulling at his chest.

Nanami smirked at your reaction. Then he pulled at the tender skin of your folds just enough to expose your soaking wet entrance to his hungry eyes.

Nanami leaned forward and his hands went to fiddle with your bra. Once he managed to unclasp it, his hands slid up your body, taking your bra with them. You helped him and shrugged your bra off your shoulders.

As you were about to fall back down on the mattress, Nanami abruptly lifted you up and slammed you down onto his cock for the first time. You cried as the head of his cock tore through your hymen and his cock stretched your virgin walls. He froze inside of you from the way your walls were squeezing around his cock.

You let out a whimper, your lips parted, and moaned his name in need.

He had already pushed himself balls deep into you, filling you up to the brim so perfectly but it wasn’t enough.

An animalistic instinct took over him and Nanami tentatively pulled out before slamming you back on his cock. His pace was merciless. It was incredibly rough, each thrust deep and penetrating. He gritted his teeth as your virgin walls sucked more of his cock, and he roughly thrust inside. He grabbed you by your sides, his nails digging into your skin as he mercilessly began pounding in your pussy.

Your arms wrapped around his neck and your fingers twirled around his straight hair, moaning quietly into his neck each time he hit a sensitive spot. Nanami’s thrusts became stronger and more animalistic each time you screamed or whimpered.

Your eyes rolled back to the back of your head, completely lost in the sweet ecstasy of his cock stretching your virgin pussy out.

Nanami slammed into you with an amazing force, tearing a silent scream out of you as the tip of his cock pressed against your cervix.

Nanami knew that everything in his life had led him up to this moment, he had to make you his, he wanted to make sure that you only belonged to him.

He let out a low hiss as your walls tightened around his cock and pushed inside of you for the last time and his hot seed spurted out from his cock and spilled inside your womb.

Completely drained and covered in sweat, Nanami threw himself on the bed next to you.

As the two of you were struggling to catch your breath, he came back to his senses but he was far too tired and drunk right now. He instead wanted to enjoy the afterglow.

He forgot all about his problems and shitty day as you crawled closer to him and wrapped a hand around him.

Nanami closed his eyes and smiled, feeling at peace.

~~~

It was a week after Nanami ran into Gojo.

“Ah, hey, Nanami?”

The blonde man ignored his friend and took a whiff of his cigarette yet his friend walked up to him nonetheless.

“You know, my friend said she waited for you for hours yet you didn’t show up at the restaurant last week, that’s mean of you. You should’ve told me you weren’t up to meeting her.”

Nanami paused, “It was the other way around.”

How dare she lie about it after she made him wait there for hours and embarrass himself?

Gojo scratched his cheek, “She said she was waiting for you but at some point, she realized you weren’t coming and left.”

“What are you talking about, I was in the restaurant waiting for her.” Nanami rolled his eyes, irritated at his tone.

“Eh?” Gojo was even more confused now, “If you’re not going to admit chickening out at the last minute that’s fine but you missed your chance.”

“I’m not interested in your friends either, trusting you was a mistake.” Nanami flicked the ash from his cigarette and stared at Gojo. “I am not looking for anything right now either.”

Gojo hummed, “I was just trying to help you, I thought you and (name) would get along well.”

(name)?

Nanami glowered at Gojo. “What did your friend look like?”

“Uhh, she’s got healthy skin, sparkling eyes, and soft hair. She’s flirty and shy, I’d say she’s about this tall.” He tried to measure (name)’s height in his mind and point it out to Nanami but his friend stopped him before he could.

“Did you tell her who I was, my name, or what I look like before sending her out to a blind date?” Nanami asked abruptly.

“I don’t think so…” Gojo realized. “Isn’t that why it’s called a blind date though?”

Nanami dragged a hand down his face and chuckled to himself in disbelief. How stupid could this manchild be?

“It doesn’t matter anyway, she said she was seeing someone else right now.” Gojo laughed, “How does it feel to lose to a lame businessman she met at the bar, the same night she was supposed to meet you?”

“Happy,” he replied with a smile.

Gojo stared at Nanami and shook his head in disbelief, “Sometimes, I feel like you’re way too stoic.” He left after he noticed Nanami was in his own world, it would be impossible to tease him anymore today.

In Gojo’s absence, Nanami fished his phone out of his pocket to check his screen. The messages he read were all from you, telling him that you were going to cook for him tonight and how he had forgotten his shirt at your place.

He beamed brightly, taking a one last whiff of his cigarette and then crushing it with his foot. For the first time, he had someone waiting for him at home. He wanted to hurry home without working overtime just so he could be with you.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch 11:  A Turkey Called Marv

Summary: Nat, Clint, Evans, Lawson and the rest of her SHIELD team throw Katie a leaving party once news of her resignation spreads across the Triskellion before Katie and Steve head to New York to spend their first Thanksgiving as a couple with Tony, Pepper and Bruce.

Paring: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: None for this chap, bar a bit of bad language and teeth rotting fluff

A/N: Accompanying One Shot- The Life Of Marv. 

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 10

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

November 2013

News of Katie’s spectacular resignation spread like wildfire through the Triskellion. Evans, Lawson, Natasha and Clint had all been pretty upset but had understood when she had explained why she was doing it, even if Natasha didn’t necessarily agree. They had no intention of letting her go quietly, however, and the team took it upon themselves to organise a small Leaving do at Lori’s which was in full swing. Background music was playing, food had arrived and the drinks were flowing. Steve was talking to Lawson, Rumlow and Evans by the bar, leaning against it, an easy smile on his face as Katie stood with Clint and Natasha a bit further down the bar as Clint was talking to them about his latest home improvement plan.  

“So I thought about putting in a pool.” Clint mused, “Now the kids are bigger I thought it might be nice to have one. Maybe even a pool house round it for bad weather.”

“How ambitious.” Nat quirked an eyebrow.

Clint grinned. “That’s my middle name.”

“Really?” Katie asked. “I always thought it was Robert.”

“What?” Clint looked at her as Nat snorted out a laugh.  "Francis.  Why would you think its Robert?“

Katie shrugged "You look like a Bob.”

“Wait… so it’s not Ambitious?” Nat asked, winking at Katie. “How boring.”

Katie nodded, draining her glass.  "Bob would have been better.”

"Right,” Clint started, pulling himself taller. “I hate both of you.”

The girls laughed and Nat turned to Katie. “So what’s in the pipeline for you now Nova?” “I have no idea.” Katie shrugged and she didn’t. “I guess I’ll just get more involved in the family business.”

“You gonna move to New York?” Clint asked. She shook her head. “Probably spend a bit more time there but, I’m not moving back.”

“Nah, she can’t leave lover boy.” Natasha looked at Clint and Katie rolled her eyes. Truth is Nat had hit the nail on the head. No way was she leaving Steve in DC to move back to the tower. Although they had only been together seven months she had spent over a year of her life being ‘with him’ one way or another and the thought of him not being there terrified her.

“You know, to be fair Nat, they’ve been going out a while now. Things are probably starting to cool off.” Clint teased “Oh trust me, there’s no problems in that department.” Katie sniggered, looking over to where Steve was stood.

“And would you look at that. I’m out of alcohol…” Nat said, suddenly “And so is Stark.”

“There’s a bar over there,” Clint pointed

“Cheers…”Natasha took Katie’s glass and handed it to him along with her own. Clint shook his head taking the glasses with a sigh.

“So… now he’s gone…” Nat glanced over at Steve then back to Katie “Gimme details…”

“Details on what?”

“Throw me a bone here Stark. I’m working on a dry spell.”

“Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?” Katie groaned. “You’re constantly trying to get me to talk about it.”

“Hey, look, up until a few months ago I was convinced he was a virgin.”

“Well then you’re a dumbass.” Katie smirked “Like I said, he’s Captain America, had girls throwing themselves at him back in the day.” “So he was until the serum?”

“I never said that.” Katie flushed.

“You’re such a shit liar.”

“Can we change the subject?”

“Ok, answer me one question and then I’ll drop it.” Nat pressed.

“What?” Katie snapped with an air of playful frustration. If she was honest, it was quite nice to have a girlfriend to chat to about these kind of secrets.

“Did the serum enhance…everything?” Nat wiggled her eyebrows.

Katie glanced over at Steve and smirked before she looked back at her. Fuck it.

“Well if it didn’t, I’ve no idea how he managed to stay upright before.” she smirked "I’m a lucky woman”

The red head threw back her head in a dirty laugh, a laugh that Katie had never heard from her before and it made her snigger at the sight of the normally composed assassin letting loose.

“What I miss?” Clint asked as he reappeared, handing them their drinks.

“I’ll explain when you’re older…” Nat said, patting his chest fondly.

*****

The next two weeks flashed by and before they knew it, it was the morning before thanksgiving and they were at the Tower in New York. Last year Katie and Steve had spent Thanksgiving as friends. This year they were spending it as lovers, and Katie was also excited to be spending it with Tony, although she would never admit that out loud.

Steve was also looking forward to it as well. Tony had mellowed to him somewhat over the past few months, especially when he had found out Steve was supporting Katie’s decision to quit SHIELD and not trying to stop her as he had original thought the Captain would. He was also looking forward to Katie’s damned fine cooking as well. Despite the fact that Tony had offered to cater in as Pepper was away until the very last minute, his girl had insisted on cooking it herself, especially now she had plenty of time on her hands.  

As such, Steve and Tony had left her in the kitchen area of the main living quarters at midday to head down to the lab to discuss some further upgrades to the Tower. When they left Katie had been surrounded by bags of flour and ingredients, and when Steve returned he found her at just gone 5:30 surrounded by 3 pies (one apple, one pumpkin and one blackberry) pans of vegetables prepped ready for the and a turkey in the oven ready for JARVIS to turn on in the morning. She was stood at the sink, gently humming, the kitchen now clean and the smell of her baking making his mouth water.

“What are you doing Soldier?” Katie asked, jumping a little as Steve’s arms came around her sides, reaching for the sink, effectively trapping her between the counter and his body.

He laid his chin on her shoulder. “The dishes,”

“I’m only leaving the pie dish to soak.” She informed him, turning her head to give him a quick kiss. “The rest are going in the Dishwasher.”

“Oh because God forbid her majesty would actually wash a dish.” He teased and she rolled her eyes.

“You don’t wash them much either. How many brushes did you break last week?”

“The plastic is bad quality.” Steve pouted.

“Nothing to do with your ridiculously large hands being too rough.” “You weren’t complaining last night.” He grinned, lips warm against her neck as he gently nipped under her ear. Katie squirmed a little and then swatted him in the face with the dishtowel, and he laughed out loud.

“Seriously though Doll face, are you nearly done? You’ve been in here all afternoon. You do know we’re not eating till 3 tomorrow, right?” His hands squeezed her hips and she tossed the dishcloth down and turned to face him, her hands sliding up his chest to his shoulders.

“Yeah but the more I do now, the less I have to do tomorrow, and let’s face it, it’s not like I have anything else to do, on account of being an unemployed bum.” She shrugged making Steve laugh again.  “Plus, I just want everything to be, you know…right.” she shrugged, and she did.

“It’s a dinner.”

“It’s Thanksgiving” She corrected him.

“Yeah, and last years was pretty cool, remember?”

“Yeah but…” she trailed off, biting her lip. Steve knew that look well enough now to know there was more to this.

“What?” He probed gently.

“Nothing, just, well I never had a boyfriend over for Thanksgiving before. Or Christmas come to think of it.”

Steve smiled “I like being your first…” Katie grinned. The whole ‘I like being your first’ thing had started off by her saying it to Steve but they’d fast come to realise that they actually both had a world of inexperience between them when it came to relationships, and it was nice that they could be each other’s firsts in a lot of ways.  “Honey, tomorrow is gonna be great.” He assured, tipping her face up to look at his “Don’t sweat it.”

“Did you seriously just say don’t sweat it?” she sniggered.

Steve groaned “I told you I spent the afternoon with your brother…”

She giggled and leaned up to catch his lips in a soft kiss.

“Getting kinda tired of catching you two making out in a kitchen!” Tony chose that time to waltz in and open the fridge door, pointing to them as he did so. “You got your own floor, piss off and go use it.” ******

Katie woke the next morning to find Steve’s side of the bed empty and cold. It wasn’t unusual for him to be up earlier than her, she knew he would either be out running, in the gym or making coffee. She climbed out of bed and walked to the blinds of the bedroom, instructing JARVIS to open them, the AI being one of the many perks about being 'home’. The New York skyline stretched below her and as she glanced down she saw the people gathered on the sidewalks, attention turned to the streets, obviously waiting for the Thanksgiving Parade. She had asked Steve if he wanted to go and watch it in person but he had said he would prefer to stay in and watch from the tower as he didn’t fancy getting mobbed in the street. Being recognised by one person every so often was fine but in those crowds if one person spotted him then it would spread like wildfire. Besides, as he had pointed out, her floor had an awesome view so they could watch out of the window with a drink. Katie frowned as suddenly a large brown turkey shaped balloon floated in front of her eyes. The parade wasn’t supposed to start until nine and that meant by the time it made its way to the Avengers tower it would be… she turned and glanced at the click and gave a yelp. She had slept in until Ten. 

Steve heard her before he saw her, not that he needed super hearing to hear the loud yell of "how fucking late?” coming from the bedroom. Grinning to himself he turned back to the griddle on the island of the kitchen, flipping a pancake with one hand and drinking a coffee with the other. “Why didn’t you wake me?” Katie grumbled to him as she leaned in the kitchen doorway, taking him in for a moment. He was freshly showered, dressed in a loose grey t-shirt and sweats, hair still a bit damp and spiked up in a way that made her smile. “Because you were up early yesterday and I thought I’d make you breakfast for a change.” He shrugged as she wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face into the back of his shoulder. The smell of his shower gel mixed with the smell of the pancake mix, made her nuzzle her nose into him to inhale deeply. “You smell good.” She eventually spoke again. “Good to know.” A grin tugged at the corners of his lips at the fact she was still clinging to him. “I just saw a giant inflatable Turkey.” Her hands dropped and slid under his T-shirt, gently rubbing at his stomach. “What?” Steve paused. “The parade”

Steve smiled. “You know when I was a kid, the parade was the best part of Thanksgiving.” “Yeah?” she mumbled, her cheek still pressed to his shoulder.

“Yeah. Me and Bucky used to come into Manhattan with his family and my ma if she wasn’t working and stuff ourselves on popcorn and warm mixed nuts” He smiled to himself at the memory. They always picked out their favourite balloons, ate until they thought they would burst, and made Rebecca, Bucky’s younger sister laugh till she cried by pretending they were in the marching bands. But once the war started, the parade had ended. He had never realized that they started it up again until Tony and Katie had mentioned it last night as they had sat eating takeout. Part of him had wanted to go to the street to watch it but after seeing that morning how crowded it had been on his run he was happy to watch it from the comfort of Katie’s floor. He turned to face her for first time that day, her arms still round his waist. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail, face fresh, eyes bright and she was, as ever, in one of his shirts and not a lot else. He leaned forward to give her a quick kiss and when he moved away, she quickly closed the space to give him another, letting her lips linger on his for a second. “I’ll burn the pancakes.” He murmured and she grinned, pulling away. “I’ll make fresh coffee.” She pat his chest and turned to the machine. “Hey JAR…Hit me with some Christmas tunes, buddy” “The usual Miss Stark?” “As long as it has the Pogues on…” “Wouldn’t dream of not doing” the AI replied and then the apartment was flooded with the sounds of ‘Fairy Tale of New York.’ “It’s November.” Steve turned to look at her, but she simply grinned to herself and turned around, singing to him. He couldn’t help but laugh, he knew from last year that Christmas for her started at Thanksgiving and ended on New Year’s Day. Plus the fact that the previous year she had spent Christmas day fighting a bunch of exploding super soldiers meant that she was going to enjoy this year as much as possible. He shook his head, a low chuckle escaping before he turned back to his pancakes. They dragged the cushions off the couch and ate breakfast sat by the huge floor to ceiling windows of the penthouse, Katie sat between Steve’s legs as they both watched the parade. Suddenly, a large green balloon floated by the window and Katie gave a loud squeal when she saw what it was. A Hulk float. An amused smile spread across her lips as she watched the balloon bob in front of the window, twisting to the sides in the air as it wrestled with the wind. “Oh my God!” Katie giggled again, gently tapping Steve’s right calf but he had already spotted it. A massive shield was coming out, followed by Iron Man’s mask, Thor’s hammer, a bow and arrow, Natasha’s Red Widow symbol and her own Nova star. She turned to look at him, a little smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth and when he met her eyes the smile broke out across his features. Laughing in disbelief, he shook his head, turning his attention back look at the shield float bounce down the street. “That’s pretty cool.” He allowed himself a slightly smug and amazed sigh, and it was. If anyone had told him all those years ago that one day he would feature in the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade he would have told them that they were mad. Yet there it was. He found himself smiling as he thought about how his ma and Bucky would have reacted. When they had finished eating, Katie leaned back into him a little more, slouching so that her knees were bent and her feet rested on the bottom of the window. His arms reached round her neck, and he kissed the back of her head as they continued to watch the floats, the gentle sound of Bing Crosby “White Christmas” now playing through the room, the two of them simply enjoying the closeness of one another. ***** Eventually it was time to head downstairs and join Tony, Bruce and Pepper for their dinner. Katie and Pepper left the men to it and finished off the prep before calling them all to the table. As was tradition, as ‘head of the house’ Tony carved the turkey with his usual, trademark drama and they took it in turns to give a few things they were thankful for. Tony was thankful for his friends, family and a decent brand of scotch he had in the cupboard for later, Pepper was thankful for being so fortunate and being surrounded by people she loved, Bruce was thankful for being welcomed into their family home, not just for today but since he had taken up residency just after the Chitauri Battle, and Katie was thankful for being in the presence of people she cared for, and for the last year being so much better than the previous twelve months. She shot a wink at Steve as she said that and he beamed before he realised they were waiting for him.

 "Okay, well…” He cleared his throat. “I guess I’m thankful for being given a second chance, being welcomed by you all…and for, err, you.” He grinned at Katie who gave him a playful roll of the eyes but the flush on her cheeks told him she had understood.

“Awww.” Pepper smiled, as Tony made a gagging noise which resulted in Katie throwing a carrot at him. He pointed at her, frowning.

“No food fights on my floor, Kiddo.” He said sternly and she simply raised an eyebrow at him, taking a sip of her wine.

The food was good, not that anyone expected anything else. Both Tony and Banner managed two servings whilst Steve made it through three. And then there was the pie. Steve scoffed down a piece of each, whilst everyone else could only face one, but no one cared. And he found himself secretly pleased that there was enough left for him to scoff later on.

“I’m so glad I wore leggings.” Pepper sighted, leaning back and massaging her stomach.  

“Tell me about it.” Katie moaned. “I’m so glad this denims have an elasticated waist.” She pulled at the middle of her long maroon peplum style top. “Think I’m having a food baby.”

“Yeah, I gotta hand it to you Kiddo…” Tony leaned back in his chair, undoing the top button of his pants and massaging his stomach “That was absolutely awesome.“

Steve’s hand dropped to his girl’s leg under the table and he gave her knee a little squeeze as she reached for her wine glass, before he moving his arm to drop it round the back of her chair. "I certainly prefer the Turkey dead and cooked anyway” Tony added and Katie groaned. “Are you ever gonna let me live that down?” She looked at him. “No” he shook his head. “What’s this?” Steve asked, setting his glass down. “Did she not tell you about the time she brought home a live Turkey one year? Katie sighed as Steve sat up, turning to her, smirking "No…” “I was seventeen and going through a meat is murder phase.” She waved away the comment with her hands. “I was in the way home and saw him. He was the only one left in the farmyard so I liberated him” “By liberated she means stole.” Tony quipped, standing up to retrieve two more bottled of Rijoca from the wet bar as laughs rang round the table. “No one came looking for him.” She shrugged. “Marv lived a happy life for five years in our back garden” “Marv?” Bruce looked at her, a smile creeping across his face. “After the character from Home Alone.” She replied simply

“You had a turkey called Marv?” The scientist deadpanned and she nodded.

“He was a great pet. Used to chase Tony around” “The bird was a fucking menace.” Tony frowned, topping everyone’s glass up. Settling back into his chair, Katie noticed Pepper giving him a look and he started suddenly as if he was remembering something. He leaned forward and looked at Katie. "So I know we don’t do Thanksgiving gifts kiddo but I was thinking yesterday about something you said to me once, about having a vision for a publishing company.”

Katie stole a look at Steve who simply shrugged. It was true, when she had first graduated she had thought about setting up a publishing company, but one that dealt with unknown writers. Her favourite books in the world were the Harry Potter series and during her degree she had been lucky enough to attend a small seminar held by JK Rowling, who had openly discussed her life before becoming a famous author. She had been a single mother, struggling to make ends meet, and even after she had written the books it took her years to get a deal, being rejected by four different publishers before Bloomsbury (a small, independent group) took a chance on her and it paid off for both of them. Katie loved the rags to riches story and since then had always harboured a desire to do the same thing for other authors but it had never really been much more than a pipe dream.

“It was an idea I once had.” She shrugged, looking at Tony. “Then things went a bit crazy.” “Well… how about we make it a bit more than an idea?” Pepper said. “What?” Katie frowned, looking at Pepper, then he brother who nodded. “I want you to put a proper proposal together, business plan, mood and story board that type of thing.” He said, waving his hand in that Tony-esque manner “Then we’re gonna look at what we need to set it up and take it to the board. Run it as a Ltd company under the Parent company of Stark Industries, but you’ll be the Managing Director.” “I…, I can’t run a business!” She stammered. “Didn’t you run the UK branch of SI for a while?” Bruce looked at her, smiling. “That was different.” She pressed. “Why?” Steve asked. “Shut up Steven.” She shot without even looking at him.

There were a few chuckles round the table before Tony continued. “Look, you don’t need to work.” He shrugged. “You have enough capitol behind you plus the revenue from the business as it to live your life out as an IT girl,  but we both know you’ll end up killing someone if you get bored, and that’s likely to be Cap seeing as you see him most so this is for him as much as you.” “Thanks Tony.” Steve tipped his glass to the Inventor who winked. Katie pondered. It really had been a dream of hers since leaving Uni, putting her degree and passion into her work and she would be lying if she said the thought didn’t excite her but it was a hell of a big commitment, and what if it all failed?

“I’ll help you.” Pepper smiled at Katie who was biting her lip. "I’ll proof read the proposal and I’ll be there every step of the way whilst you set up.” She leaned back in her chair. "The week before Christmas there’s another board meeting. I suggest we use that to pitch the idea.” 

“I think this could be a great opportunity for you and Stark Industries.” Tony looked at Katie. “And you’ll get full autonomy over it all, I promise.” This was amazing. She looked at Steve who nodded encouragingly. “What is it you keep saying to me? You’ll never know until you try?” he smiled at her. She took a deep breath and looked around the table before throwing caution to the wind and letting out a huge grin. “Ok. Fuck it. Let’s do it.” **** After another half an hour or so of chatter, and a bottle of champagne to celebrate Katie’s agreement to the business idea, everyone chipped in to clear the table before retiring to the plush living area of Tony and Pepper’s floor for more drinks and chat. Then the alcohol really did began to flow, Steve and Tony moving onto the scotch,  the soldier watching as everyone around him descended into that well recognised drunken haze. And then out came ‘Drawing Without Dignity’, a game Steve had never played before which was really rather vulgar, but he couldn’t help but enjoy it. The game fast slid into chaos which was to be expected with an extremely competitive Super Soldier who had a natural advantage as he could actually draw, an equally competitive billionaire and a normally mild mannered scientist who also was quite cutthroat when it came to winning it turned out.

Pepper and Katie spent most of the time sniggering at the bickering men, and at the point when they were laughing that much when it was their go, the three boys got so frustrated they banned them from playing. For that, the next time Steve asked Katie what one of the more risqué sayings meant (he had cringed at a fair few of them over the course of the evening) she lied to sabotage him earning her a full on Captain glare. “That was a pretty shitty thing to do.” He grumbled at her as Tony and Bruce were both howling with laughter. “Not my fault Captain Badass doesn’t know what Rimming is!” Katie shot back, wiping away her tears. Steve had to bite back his own laugh at the ridiculous nickname, instead he fixed her with another glare which she returned with a simple shrug of her shoulders. The game ended, and Steve and Tony called it a draw, which was probably the easiest thing to do since Pepper had stopped taking count and tallying towards the end. It was now well after ten pm and Steve looked around the room as Tony stood up, a little unsteady on his feet, teetering back over to the bar.

“I think maybe we’ve had enough.” Pepper hiccupped slightly looked at Tony who had been reaching for another bottle of liquor, wheeled round slightly too fast causing him to stumble into the bar.

Katie cackled as Tony looked at Pepper “Shut up Mom.” he grabbed another bottle of scotch in one hand and the open bottle of Krug the girls were drinking in the other. He walked carefully over towards the sofa, as he dropped down into it heavily, handing the champagne to Katie who was on the floor in between Steve’s legs, her back resting against the sofa. She took it and poured herself and Pepper a glass, quite pleased that she didn’t spill any.

“You know he…he can’t get drunk!”  Tony handed Bruce a now full glass, pointing to Steve.

“That’s sad.” Bruce surmised, taking a sip of his drink before Tony sat bolt upright, and pointed at the scientist.

“Hey, I wonder if Hulk can get drunk?”

“That’s an…that’s an…ex…exper-expediment I don’t think we should do.” Bruce shook his head, hiccups punctuating his speech.

“Absolutely not.” Steve shook his head as Katie cackled.

“But it would be for science purposes.” Tony pressed

Bruce wrinkled his nose and shook his head “No Code Green.” “Spoil sport.” Tony sniffed

They stayed for another hour or so, until Pepper fell asleep. Katie’s cheeks were flushed pink and when she asked for a bottle of water Steve knew it was time to go. After asking Tony if he needed help clearing anything up, which he declined stating housekeeping would be in at some point tomorrow to deal with it, Steve stood up, surprised to find he actually felt a little bit of a head-rush. Ok, so maybe the three bottles of scotch they’d managed to go through had had a little effect after all, but he felt the fizziness ebbing away as he pulled Katie to her feet and she grinned up at him.

“Wanna carry me Soldier?” she asked.

He arched an eyebrow and in one swoop had her over his shoulder, causing her to shriek with laughter as she clutched at his navy blue cardigan jacket.

“Night!” She waved from her upside down position. Tony and Bruce waved distractedly from where they were now trying to mix some form of cocktail at the bar.

“You can put me down now.” Katie patted Steve on his back as they boarded the elevator. “Steve…”

He smirked to himself, ignoring her giggles and protests, swatting lightly at her ass, and didn’t put her down until they reached  the bedroom where he tossed her onto the bed and set about showing her exactly how thankful for her he was

******* If you want to read more about Marv the Turkey, check out the One shot: The Life Of Marv. As with all SSB One Shots, they don’t need to be read to understand the main story...consider them tasty little side dishes.

********

Chapter 12 Part 1

**Original Posting**

[daydream-believin]

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (kmart’s haunted)

Summary: (part 1) Reader has joined Douxie on the quest for Nari’s safety. He’ll need company. (part 2) - Missouri 1     (part 3)

Warnings: swearing, very light spooky?

Word Count: 2245

A/N: so we’ve established that Doux wasn’t the one who burnt the bookstore, but they don’t know that. look, have you been in a Kmart recently? its apocalyptic. also, you know that post about people repeating their default work greetings by accident? yeah

“Do you want me to split the bill or?” The waitress asked, not sure if the group at the table was a young couple and their child or just three college kids hanging out. It was kind of hard to tell. On one hand, that one kid was so small, wearing a little deer costume, and had been helped to order. The other two radiated the energy of an old married couple and talked mainly to each other. But on the other hand, college kids are just like that sometimes.

“Nah, I got it.”

“What? No. I’m paying for us.” Douxie insisted.

“I have the cash, Doux.” (Name) turned to the waitress. She put some honey in her voice. “Just bring us one bill, please.” The waitress nodded nervously before heading off.

“No. I don’t want you paying for too many things while we’re traveling. You’re unemployed.”

“And who’s fault is that Mr. Mephits-Are-Vulnerable-To-Fire? You fucking burned down the store and put us both out of work here.” Nari was squirming at the negative vibes going on. It helped that she didn’t exactly understand what was going on.

“It was magic fire!” Douxie interjected in outrage. He looked so cute when he got defensive.

“Yeah, okay, sure.” (Name) shook her head, looking up to the ceiling. She let out a huff, “look, I invited myself onto this trip, Douxie. I want to pull my own weight. You’re going to have to let me pay for something eventually.”

“We’ll see about that, Love,” he said as he grabbed the ticket from the waitress’s hands as quick as lightning, tucked his card in and gave it right back before (Name) could further protest.

“Ugh! FINE! Then I’m getting the tip.” She pulled out a tenner and slapped it onto the table. She glared right back into Douxie’s hazel eyes. He glared right back into hers with a matched intensity. Nari looked back and forth between the two and whimpered. (Name) broke the standoff to assure Nari that they weren’t actually angry at each other so she shouldn’t be worried. That seemed to ease the forest child a bit but not by too much. She could still feel the weird aura they were putting off.

“Okay! So here’s your check back and here’s that lox bagel you ordered to go.” The waitress handed (Name) a doggy bag.

(Name) took the bag gingerly. A big fake smile spread across her face as she was momentarily possessed by that good spirit of customer service. “Thank you! I hope your experience was spellbinding! Have a magical day!” (Name) said on autopilot in that high-pitched voice and winked exaggeratedly. It was like she was an NPC and her talk button had been accidentally pushed. The waitress laughed forcibly and scurried away to the kitchen. Douxie cracked up.

“You do know that when I told you to say all that stuff after ringing people up, I was hazing you, right?”

“Oh yes, I am completely aware, Doux. Did you think I’d not pick up on how ridiculous that sounds? But I still say it to spite you.”

He shook his head. “Of course.”

***

Archie scarfed down his bagel sandwich with almost disturbing speed. It was like watching the void consume, well, a bagel sandwich. It just disappeared. Down his furry maw and out of existence. Being a dragon works up an appetite, after all. (Name) was a bit baffled and asked him if she should go get him another bagel. He assured her that the one was just fine and said something about trying to catch some birds later. She leaned back on her elbows against the boat’s railing, trying and failing to not think about the details of that.

Douxie cleared his throat. “So,” He folded his hands together for emphasis, “Since the subject of money came up earlier, I think we should also discuss the topic of our accommodations.”

“Well, you two obviously cannot afford lodging every night.” Archie snarked, flicking his tail.

“Thank you, for that, Arch. No, I was thinking more along the lines of a tent.”

“A tent?” the cat asked incredulously.

“Oh, that could work.” (Name) pointed at Douxie animatedly, “keep us close to nature for Nari. And also could keep our possible property damage bills down. Good idea, Doux.”

“Thank you,” Douxie puffed up, “see Arch? Someone appreciates my ideas-”

“Wait. That’ll be a short-term solution. We’re just barely into September. It’s going to be much, much colder in about a month. By October it’ll be too cold to bear. Even if we all huddle together like penguins.”

Doux looked away to hide his blush at the suggestion. “That is a problem. Okay, um-”

“Maybe we could just cross that bridge when we get there? Who knows what could happen between now and then. We could find so temp work in a little town somewhere.” (Name) shrugged, smirking at Doux. She didn’t want to admit that ‘we could be dead by then’ was also definitely a possibility on the table, so she tried to further distract from that thought. “Maybe we’ll find a creepy abandoned cabin in the woods we can squat in. Maybe some nice trolls will take us in as novelty pets. Maybe my rich Aunty Josie could just suddenly die under some ‘mysterious circumstances’ and leave her lavish fortune to her beloved niece,” she smirked at Doux, “I dunno, just spit ballin’ here.”

“I’m electing to ignore that you just suggested we ice your aunt because you were onto something there.”

“I was?” Her tone was a mixture of sarcasm and disbelief.

“Yes! New Jersey!

“New Jersey?” The wheels turned. “Oh! New Jersey!”

Nari looked confused. “What is special about this ‘New Jersey’?” she asked

Both Douxie and (Name) turned to her, “Trolls.” They said in sync.

***

(Name) stood there with her hands in her pockets. Somehow this Kmart was still standing, out here in The-Middle-Of-Fucking-Nowhere, Missouri. She was standing here, in a Kmart. It might as well have been 1986. There was barely anything on the shelves. Half the shelves themselves were missing. The floor had a layer of grime to it, in spite of the wet floor sign along with the shiny patches that said that it had clearly been mopped recently. The air smelled like something (Name) couldn’t quite place, but it was nostalgic. A strange scent that took her back to her childhood. Or at least she thought it was her childhood. It had to have been. Taking deep breaths, she couldn’t quite get enough of it.

Continuing that vibe, a muzak 80’s tune played over the speakers. Funny enough, despite (Name)’s brain seeming to recognize that it was playing a song from the 80’s, she just couldn’t quite put her finger on it as to which. Every time she thought she’d figured it out, she’d hear a few notes that would somehow change her mind. It was a pop song at least, to narrow it down. It’d been going on for about six minutes now. Must be one of those extended tracks.

She’d ask Douxie what he thought the song was. She turned her attention to him and noticed he was still just staring at that same shelf like he had been for, what, ten minutes now? Even though this fucking Kmart barely had any shelving in it, by some miracle it not only had exactly what they were looking for but an entire aisle of them. How lucky was that.

Douxie was taking very careful consideration into this tent purchase. This was going to be their new home, after all. He just couldn’t decide which one was best. They all had fancy camping terms on the packages that meant nothing to him. He’d been trying to decipher the code. The secret outdoorsman code. Nari shifted uncomfortably in the basket.

“Hisirdoux, you should maybe, hurry this along?” She sounded strained.

But she was right. He should just pick one already. It’s all a gamble anyway. He decided on a dark green one that boasted a water-proof material. Good natural color, not easily spotted, and it wouldn’t soak through with rain. That should work well enough, he figured.

“I’ve hurried along. Sorry Nari.” He casually tossed the box into the cart next to her. She sniffed the box and nodded to him.

Now that they had their goal item, the quest party started for the checkouts. Douxie could have sworn that it had been on the side of the store they were in. They had passed it when they came in. Now it was completely across by the other door. Did he get turned around? Or maybe they did come in from that side of the store. He actually couldn’t remember.

As they walked, a few things caught (Name)’s eye. They passed a display of dark leafy plants in oddly shaped pots, a table stacked high with various books and a clearance sign, a knife case that had been left open, a candle display with a few that had already been lit and were dripping wax, a bargain bin of CDs, and lastly a sad box of no-longer-in-season pool noodles. There was a sale on bloodmeal apparently. Perfect for perking up those roses after the summer heat.

They arrived at the checkout after what felt like an endless journey. (Name) hadn’t noticed any other customers the entire time they had been there, and yet the line for the only check open had seven people in it. She grabbed a couple bags of red licorice from the impulse shelf to add to their cart while waiting.

Nari was really interested in that checker. (Name) took her in. The teen was taller than most and had very, very long blonde hair that cascaded down her back like a shiny golden waterfall. Her cheeks were slightly sunken in. Must be going through a diet phase. Poor girl.

The young woman was obviously not one for small talk. Name couldn’t blame her. Retail sucks. Her perfect red fingernails clicked against the keys of the register in a practiced beat. She turned around and told them their total in a bored monotone. As Douxie fiddled with his wallet and payed, (Name) found herself staring right into the cashier’s eyes. They were such a light icy blue, they were almost white. It was striking. (Name) was almost in a trance. It was broken as the cashier turned around swiftly to rip off the receipt off the machine, and, in an uncharacteristically cheery voice, told them to have a nice night. Night?

They returned the cart back to the stack, grabbing their one singular shopping bag and helping Nari out. Of course Nari could easily just jump out herself, but that wouldn’t be something a human child could do. They didn’t need to draw any unnecessary attention to themselves here. They made their way to the automatic sliding doors that lagged so that they didn’t open until you were standing right in front of them. This allowed Douxie time to catch a glimpse of the reflection in the glass. The reflection of the store was completely devoid of people. Not even the checker was at her station. He sucked in a breath. After walking through those first doors, he stopped. He took a moment to turn back. There she was, right where she should be, checking out another customer with three more in the line.

Douxie hurried along the doorway to catch up to (Name) and Nari. It was darker outside than he expected, and he was taken aback. He found them right outside the store, waiting for him. In one hand, (Name) was holding Nari’s, in the other, the plastic shopping bag. Her head was tipped up to the sky, transfixed by the moon. He came over, grabbing her shoulder as he pulled her along, in an attempt to urge her away from this place. She looked back at him, eyes wide with distress. He tried to convey that he understood with his eyes. All three of them instinctually knew not to say anything more why they were still in this parking lot.

It had barely been half past noon when they had started this little Kmart side quest. It was now at least seven by the looks of it. They had spent six and a half hours in a Kmart? How had they spent six and a half hours in a Kmart. There went their entire travel day. But no time to dwell on this, they needed to get back to Archie and the boat as soon as possible.

As they walked back towards the ship, (Name) and Douxie both took one of Nari’s hands so that she was in the middle, like how those couples walk with their children. The streetlights glared up at them in the slick pavement. Apparently, it had rained while they were in shopping limbo. Poor Arch. (Name) let out a puff of air.

“Well. That sure was something.”

Douxie nervously chuckled, “If we had stayed in there any longer, I think we might have died.” (Name) mirrored that nervous chuckle.

“Oh, no, dying would be much simpler than what would have happened to us.” Nari said sweetly, like what she was saying was somehow better. Nari liked being helpful. (Name) put on her best fake smile.

“Thank you, Nari.” She tried her best to sound as sincere as possible to spare the veggie lady’s feelings.

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Nat!

Your application for Regulus Black has been accepted. There’s a lot of catching up for Regulus to do, but at least he won’t be alone in that. I can’t wait to see how he evolves in this new reality of his life, and to see more of his growing and changing world views as they continue to be shaped.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME & PRONOUNS: Nat, She/Her/Hers

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m working full time during the pandemic and use writing as an outlet so I will be striving to make time to pop in 1-2 times during the workweek and at least once over the weekend.

ANYTHING ELSE: No triggers.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Regulus Arcturus Black

BIRTHDATE: June 14, 1961

DEATHDATE: Unknown date, 1979. Regulus went missing and never reappeared. Having been in close contact with a few people left him presumed dead. He was too focused on his mission to pay attention to time and dates.

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Male, he/him, closeted gay (assuming the prejudiced part of him ever comes around to accepting that, he’ll eventually let it be known)

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

OCCUPATION: Dazed, confused, and questioning why everyone keeps harping him with questions. On a more serious note, unemployed and likely trying to get the hang of the modern world. He died during the late 70’s and is not in tune with future advancements. (Also just going if he’s not complying/giving answers his occupation could be him being watched by the ministry and deliberately trying to bore whoever is in charge of watching him)

FACECLAIM: Devon Bostick, Logan Lerman or Landon Liboiron — may not regularly use gifs but for the sake of giving Reg a face, any of those three will work.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

POSTBELLUM

The last thing he remembered was a cold hand dragging him beneath the water and seeing black. He never once expected to come up, accepting his fate since it was the price paid for outsmarting the most dangerous wizard known to man.

Things faded to black. As soon as he thought his life was over, it was as though someone had pulled his head from beneath the water and left him shuddering on a cold floor. He couldn’t be sure if he succeeded and there was no way of knowing since he was given mere seconds to get a sense of where he landed before being bombarded with questions.

Confusion was the main thing he was able to focus on, unaware of where he was. The only thing he was certain of was being able to give his name. Everything else was a guarded secret since he was supposed to die without his plan ever being known.

“Things went black,” He spat out after several minutes spent being stared down for not answering the question about how he died. “That’s all I remember.” It certainly didn’t explain why he appeared naked on the death chamber’s floor, gasping for breath like his life depended on it, but he wasn’t going to go into that. Not when he didn’t know who he was dealing with. The worst part of it all was knowing his self-sacrifice had gone drastically wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be alive after willingly accepting death in exchange of destroying one of Lord Voldemort’s horcruxes.

PERSONALITY

Regulus had always been mummy and daddy’s good little soldier. The backlash over Sirius leaving the family made him go from spare to heir. His own desires were put on the back burner so he could make a good impression on the pureblood society and erase the stain his brother left. It should have been easy since compliance was part of his nature, but he quickly realized he was in over his head.

Bravery and intelligence were some of his key traits. The two were ones that made the sorting hat nearly suggest placing him in Gryffindor like his brother. The suggestion never got out in full since the then eleven year old was stuck on Slytherin and making his parents proud. He was always eager to please since Sirius seemed to get the most attention back home.

With Sirius as the rebel child, Regulus took on the role of compliant second born. He listened to his parents’ lectures and took on the role of the pompous pureblood that was too good for everyone else. He wore the “better-than-you” confidence as a mask, keeping his own anxieties and uncertainties beneath the surface.

Positive traits: Obedient, clever, courageous

Negative traits: Stubborn, anxious, solemn

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

Growing up as the youngest of the Black family left Regulus treated as the baby for the majority of his time before Hogwarts. He was eager to please his brother and cousins and desperately wanted to be treated as an equal instead of an afterthought. His parents saw he was more capable of learning their ideals than Sirius and used that to their advantage. They molded him into the perfect pureblood, slowly adding more expectations to him while Sirius seemed to be disinterested in the family’s beliefs. He learned dark arts from a young age and properly carried the family’s prejudices, quick to turn his nose up at muggleborns, but never quite understanding why they were lesser. He knew not to question his parents or his upbringing after watching his parents explode at Sirius when he left. Suffering in silence and being the perfect heir was better than risking losing everything.

Not so brief overview:

Regulus grew up feeling as though he was a shadow. With an older brother and three older cousins, it was hard to earn the praise and attention of his parents and aunt and uncle. He was described as whiny, needy, and far too annoying to deal with at a young age. The youngest Black idolized his brother, often following him throughout the house and mimicking his behavior. Sirius’ first signs of a rebellious behavior were the thing to cause a separation between the two. Their parents dropped subtle hints about Sirius being a disappointment, suggesting that Regulus focused more on himself than trying to follow in Sirius’ footsteps.

The brothers grew to be as different as night and day, Regulus in Slytherin and his brother in Gryffindor. Closing off from Sirius was the only thing he could think to do, displaying contempt instead of behaving the way a brother should. He ignored his brother’s claims, pushing away statements about their parents as lies and dirty attempts at trying to make him more like the Gryffindors. Arguments between Sirius and their parents left Regulus shaking in his room, too stubborn to cross either of his relatives. The worst thing was the day Sirius left him behind. He was suddenly given the attention he so desperately yearned for while growing up and no longer wanted anything to do with it.

HISTORY

Being eager to please left Regulus taking the dark mark at age sixteen. The other purebloods had done it and Bellatrix made it seem like the right thing to do if he wanted to stay in his parents’ good graces. He worked as an insider at Hogwarts and occasionally relayed information to the Dark Lord, climbing the ranks since he was able to give pertinent information. He was a few months out of Hogwarts when he decided to go against the Dark Lord. His silent way of questioning pureblood ideologies had been crushed, set aside to play the role his parents wanted him to partake in.

There was something truly unsettling about his master’s wish to live forever. Acknowledging that was the first step in his deflection from the cause. He did some research and set out on the goal of destroying one of his master’s horcruxes. The family’s house elf was his only confidant, with Regulus having sworn him to secrecy. He planned to die doing the right thing and he couldn’t risk anyone from the Black family (Sirius included) being punished for his choices.

OOC EXPLORATION:

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 


So I’m not usually one for claiming young characters, but there is something truly tempting about taking on returned Regulus. I imagine a lot of confusion around him since he isn’t answering questions and likely isn’t coming to terms with returning. He assumes he’s dead and will be spending some time questioning how he’s alive since his last memories involved drowning and inferi (maybe even him panicking about not having properly destroyed the horcrux and that being why he survived). 

I’m just picturing this slightly arrogant but anxious teenager falling into the 2000’s with no knowledge about any modern things and likely being thrown off when his cousins/brother come into play. Add in no dark mark and it’ll be him just blankly staring at his forearms every now and then.

As for the roleplay, the plot is fascinating! I’m loving the idea of people returning and chaos ensuing.

Regulus wise, he passed on at eighteen years old so I could see him getting sentimental at meeting “future” Narcissa and Andromeda. (Loosely using future since it’s technically present day but nah, definitely future since he would’ve been a few years younger than the two at his time of death, not several decades)

[memoirsofabasicbitch]

The thing is, I’m not entirely sure I remember how to dream. How to write. How to imagine anything independently of a world created by someone else, in their mind.

I’ve grown so used to hanging my dreams on what other people have created for me that I don’t know if that person is still in there.

That weird little girl, who peeled acorns for squirrels, and walked in circles over and over and over again on the roots of the big oak tree. She had a big imagination. She told herself all sorts of stories.

Was it just because I couldn’t play the other games? Too slow - reflexes and running. Too weak - climbing, throwing, running, playing.

(Or was it because I wasn’t allowed to — couldn’t — play those games? I have a few dim memories of trying to play and being sent away. They’re dim though. I stopped asking.)

Or was it simply that I was filling time? Waiting until I could go back into a world I could navigate a little better than the playground?

Sometimes, though, I was waiting. Hoping, really.

More than a few times.

A lot.

I hoped, I thought, maybe - maybe if I walk in the right way, I’ll hear the trees laughing, like Anne told Diana about. Maybe they’ll talk to me. Maybe a faerie will come creeping out from a little crevice and wave, winking. Maybe a squirrel will come crawling down the wrinkled bark while I watch, and take the little heap of acorn meat I’d left for him. Maybe there’s a tiny scrap of magic somewhere in the world that I just haven’t found yet.

I haven’t had dreams for a long time. That’s what happens when your dreams have expiration dates. I’ve already missed most of mine.

Never really even came close.

I had a “schedule” that makes me want to cry to think of it. Meet someone in college or shortly after. Get married by 25, so we would have a few years together after college. Have our first child by 27, because mom always said I should start having babies by 30 if I really wanted to have more than one and space them out.

I’m 28. I’ve never had a real relationship with anyone, romantic or platonic. I’ve never had a best friend who would place me on the same importance as I would them.

I have borderline personality disorder. I have adhd. I am on the autism spectrum. I have depression and anxiety so severe they cripple me. More than one of these things may be false. The symptoms are nearly indistinguishable once you have more than 2. No one will give me a straight answer, and no two doctors can agree.

Added onto years of emotional and mental abuse - which is what it was, wasn’t it. Maybe because I’m autistic, maybe it really was that bad. Neglect, sure. Public humiliation, that happened too, I’m pretty sure. Being told flat out that I was stupid and fat and ugly and I was lucky to have any friends at all so maybe I should just shut up and sit down before I ended up with none.

I’m pretty sure that happened. I don’t really remember it though. I don’t really have any memories at all.

Supposedly that’s something that happens with “complex post traumatic stress disorder,” which generally crops up when a person is systematically ground down for a long time until there is nothing left but the stories they told themselves when they tried to explain to the fake audience in their head who they were. How they got that way.

I don’t know who I was, who I could have been if I hadn’t had the life I did. Maybe my memories are skewed.

My therapist didn’t seem to think so, but she also sometimes seemed to think I was full of shit. That’s probably me reading too much into things again. That’s what I do.

Was it really that bad? I remember a lot of screaming, and crying, and hiding, and wishing I was dead or that someone would just hit me already so I would have something to say, to tell people other than “they yell at me and make me cry and sometimes they grab my arms and shake me and sometimes they tell me they’ll throw me out onto the street to fend for myself and sometimes they tell me they love me so much they’re so sorry and then sometimes they cry”.

But how much of that was me? How much was that my perception of things? Am I really that crazy, or have I really been gaslit that much? Is it gaslighting if they didn’t even realize how much pain they caused you, which is why they say “it wasn’t that bad stop exaggerating”?

Did I imagine all of it?

If I did, if I didn’t, what was real? What had the weight I felt it carry? What should have been a minor blip in my life but instead metastasized into a catastrophe?

I don’t know. Maybe I never knew. Reality hasn’t ever been my friend.

Fantasy is so much better.

It’s painful now, though. To read some of these stories, these books I used to adore.

Stories about Mature Adult Women of 25! Whole! Years! Going on adventures and meeting their soulmates and having wonderful happy lives.

I’m spiraling. It’s late. I’m tired and a little high, wishing I was higher and maybe I wouldn’t be so bored.

Bilbo was middle aged, wasn’t he? When he went on his adventure? He had an adventure, and then he came home and had a long, rich, happy, lonely, bitter life. Hmm. Perhaps the one ring is not the best foundation for a guiding principle.

I went to law school because I’d come to the end of every plan I actually had. (You don’t really plan for a future when you’ve been suicidal since before puberty.) I figured I’d get to read and write at least reasonably interesting things, make good money, maybe even make a difference.

I’ve been a paralegal for the same law firm I worked for right out of college for two years now and I have never felt more like a shambling corpse.

When I graduated from college, I couldn’t get a job. Could I have tried harder? Sure. Is executive dysfunction a bitch? You bet.

So I worked for a family friend’s law firm. Personal injury and medical malpractice. She’s the mother of my older sister’s oldest best friend and has employed all of my mother’s three daughters.

She’s also a heinous bitch and a terrible boss. Her employees have a shelf life of about 2 years. I’ve hit my expiration date. Once you’ve audibly cried during a phone conference, you’re really near the bottom. Once she decides you suck at your job, there’s no coming back. Either you quit or you get fired. She prefers when people quit so she can blame them and not feel guilty. So she just increasingly treats people worse and worse until they quit in self defense.

I worked for her for a year. It was awful. I became an alcoholic and gained 25+ lbs.

I decided to go to law school.

I moved to New Orleans.

I made friends. I had an apartment all to myself. I had a life I actually enjoyed.

Then I graduated.

And I couldn’t get a job again.

(Of course, all of this is underpinned with my cyclical periods of intense illness, often accompanied by being hospitalized and missing long periods of school. In college and in law school, actually.)

(All the cocaine and drinking didn’t help either.)

(Ah, New Orleans. How I miss thee.)

So I ended up at the same firm again. Living with my parents. Again.

Then I passed the bar.

Now I’m doing the same work as my younger sister, for the same amount of money. (When she graduated from her masters program and was unemployed for 6 months, I convinced my boss to hire my younger sister again, and my sister to work for my boss again after a semi-disastrous summer job.)

(To be fair, while I’m technically a licensed attorney, she has a masters in education, so it’s not like there’s a massive education disparity here.)

(It doesn’t help that I’m barred in a different jurisdiction than the one my firm typically works in, so there aren’t any cases I can really work on as an attorney, and then on top of that my bosses don’t want to pay for malpractice insurance for me so I’m not allowed to practice as an attorney or put that I’m an attorney or call myself an attorney or even put in my letterhead that I’m licensed in the District of Columbia.)

Then there was a pandemic, and I decided I probably shouldn’t try to make a huge life change during a pandemic.

The pandemic is still fucking here. Nearly. Two. Years. Later.

So I guess I have to make a new plan.

Can I be a lawyer? I guess we’ll see.

I don’t really want to, though. I’m burned out and I wasn’t even practicing.

I want to move to a beach and write a novel and actually have a life I enjoy.

The problems with this plan are numerous. Not only is inertia an incredibly powerful enemy of mine, but I’ve lost all imagination.

I cannot imagine a future in which I am happy. Will I kill myself? Probably not, at least not for a long while. I’ve thought too long and hard about the long-lasting, far-reaching repercussions it would have. (Say what I will about my family, at least it’s always been clear that my death is NOT an acceptable outcome.)

I want to find my imagination again. I want to be able to imagine not only a future in which I am happy, but other futures, other worlds. I want to be able to dream, not only for me, not only for reality, but for unreality. I want to create worlds in my mind again, and allow them to take whatever shapes they wish.

I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if all those horrible teachers, all those “peer editors” in fucking elementary school were right, and my story ideas are hackneyed and overwrought.

Wouldn’t it be nice, though, if they were wrong. Wouldn’t it be nice, to start writing, and to find that my imagination didn’t go so very far.

It’s been hiding in the intertwined branches of a birch grove, slim and tall and ringing with laughter. In the space between stars. Down the path shaded with wisteria and jasmine and honeysuckle, where the scent and the heat and the humidity are so thick you can feel the heavy perfume coating your lungs. Tucked away, safe, waiting to peek out. Waiting to creep down the wrinkled bark of a huge old oak and wink at the little girl playing among its roots.

I hope it is there. I hope I can find it.

I’ll keep you posted.

This is my own personal void to yell into, after all.

[crackinglamb]

OTP Tag!

Tagged by @bitterotter​, thank you!  If anyone wants to do their own, feel free, just tag me back so I can see.

I’ll do this for Carly and Solas from Twist (which is going to be occasionally hilarious).  Have a free screenshot of the happy couple too, just because I love it when he has heart-eyes.

DISAGREEMENTS.

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Carly, for sure.  She’s got a reasonably long fuse, but when it’s up, it’s up.  She’s far more likely to blow her top with shouting. 

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?  Carly, again.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?  Solas has walked out to cool off a couple times.  His promise to her is that he will never walk away permanently.

Who trashes the house?  Okay, it was totally an accident...but it was Solas.

Do either of them get physical?  To date there has been a single instance of unintentional mind blast.  Went with the ‘trashing the house’.

How often do they argue/disagree?  Frequently at first.  Much less so now.

Who is the first to apologize?  Usually whoever was the first to start shit.

This is super long, so the rest is under the cut.

SEX.

Who is on top? Who is on bottom?  It depends on the mood, but it’s often Carly on top.  She’s tiny and it’s just more comfortable that way.  ‘Neither’ also applies, since Solas likes to jack her up against walls.

Any kinks?  *Carly blushes*  *Solas smirks*  Yes.  If you wants details, go read it.

Who has the strangest desires?  I think this one doesn’t apply.  Neither of them think the other has strange desires, it’s either that or they just line up well enough for them not to notice.

Who’s dominant in bed?  *Solas smirks again*  *Carly gently reminds everyone that the Dread Wolf is canonically a switch* (C’mon, it’s Solas in this relationship, was that a serious question?)

Is head ever in the equation? Yes.

If so, who is better at performing it? Solas.

Ever had sex in public?  If the rotunda counts, then yes.

Who moans the most?  Carly.

Who leaves the most marks?  Solas, by a mile.

Who is the more experienced of the two?  *snort*  The immortal Elvhen Fade-walker wins that without a doubt.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?  Yes.

How long do they usually last?  Depends on the mood.  Anywhere from a few minutes to hours.

Rough or soft?  Again, yes.

Is protection used?  Uh...spoilers?  Not anything conventional, no.

Does it ever get boring?  It hasn’t yet.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?  For Carly, it’s got to be in the Fade.  Solas has no comment.

FAMILY.

Do they plan on having children/or have children?  They have never discussed it.  But, Carly would like to have a family someday.

If so, how many children do they want/have?  At least one.

AFFECTION.

Who likes to cuddle?  Both.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?  Solas.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  Neither.  They’ve agreed to keep things proper in public and have free rein in private.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?  I’m not sure.  Carly routinely falls asleep cuddled up with him.  He’s never complained.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Snark.  Or maybe chess.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?  On the sofa in front of the fireplace in the tower chamber of Skyhold.

SLEEPING.

Who snores?  Neither.

If both do, who snores the loudest? N/A

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?  They share a bed.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?  They are usually a cuddle puddle at the start and in the morning.  During the night they roll apart.

What do they wear to bed?  Nothing when they’re together.  Carly steals his shirts if he’s not around.

Are either of them insomniacs?  Carly struggled with it before they were together.  Now it’s not an issue.  Solas is famous for sleeping, so...moving on.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?  Even if they existed in Thedas, I think the answer would still be no.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?  See the aforementioned cuddle puddle.

Who wakes up with bed hair?  Carly, but only by virtue of being the only one with hair.

Who wakes up first?  Carly, usually.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?  Solas.  It’s rare, but it’s happened.

What is their favourite sleeping position?  Carly as the little spoon in a heap of pillows.

Do they set an alarm each night?  No.

Who has nightmares?  Carly.  Solas eats his.

Can a television be found in their bedroom? N/A

Who has ridiculous dreams?  Define ‘ridiculous’.  We’re talking about a Fade-walker and a human transported across dimensions into a foreign body.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?  Solas.  He’s lucky Carly loves him.

Who makes the bed?  The Skyhold staff.

What time is bed time?  When the work is done.

Any routines/rituals before bed?  The usual.  Brush teeth.  Winding down at the end of the day conversation.  Sex.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?  Neither, really.

WORK.

Who is the busiest?  Carly, for sure.

Who rakes in the highest income?  She does.  Being Inquisitor pays better than she expected.

Are any of them unemployed?  I mean, is being the Dread Wolf a job?  Apostate mage doesn’t sound much better.  Hmm, I guess he is unemployed, isn’t he?

Who takes the most sick days?  N/A

What are their jobs?  Savior of the free world and Roamer of the Beyond.

Who sucks up to their boss?  They are the bosses.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?  Does it matter when the work is saving the world?  You get there when you get there.

Who stresses the most?  Carly, hands down.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?  Kind of a trick question, since neither of them really asked for this.  They’re doing their best, okay?

Are they financially stable?  Very.

HOME.

Who does the washing?  Skyhold staff.

Who takes out the trash?  Again, the staff.

Who does the ironing?  N/A, he wears wool and she wears leather.

Who does the cooking?  In general terms, her staff does most of it.  But between them it’s pretty even.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?  Probably Solas.

Who is messier?  They’re both pretty tidy all things considered.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?  Neither.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?  They have both been known to.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?  Do we even know what kind of plumbing Thedas has?  Not sure this applies.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?  Change that to who forgets the saddlebags and it would still be neither.

Who answers the telephone?  N/A

Who mows the lawn? N/A

Who does the vacuuming? N/A

Who does the groceries?  Both.  Keep Solas out of the Val Royeaux cake shops, please.

Who takes the longest to shower?  Carly.  See the only one with hair issue.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom? Carly again, and for the same reason.  Too much hair.

MISCELLANEOUS.

Is money a problem?  No.

How many cars do they own?  Change that to harts/horses/bog unicorns.  And many.  So many.

What’s their song?  The Bones, Maren Morris.

Do they live in the city or in the country?  They live in a fully self contained fortress on top of a mountain.  It’s kind of both.

Do they own their home or do they rent?  Where does sovereign domain fall in regards to this?

Do they enjoy their surroundings?  Yes, although Solas misses what Skyhold was before it was a Fereldan fortress.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?  Their respective jobs.  And they miss each other.

Where did they first meet?  Carly fell out of the Breach, literally.  They ‘met’ when she closed the first rift.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?  Solas.  He’s super picky.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?  Neither.

Any mental issues?  Aside from the dimension crossing for her and the several millennia long depression nap for him?  Not really.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?  Carly.  Solas tends to be so overly pedantic and formal, it’s hilarious when he loses that cool. 

Who’s terrified of bugs?  Neither.  They have bigger things to be terrified of.

Who kills the spiders around the house?  Both.

Do they have any fears for their future?  A boatload.  But they’ll be fine.  So speaketh the author.

Their favourite place?  The garden of Skyhold.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?  Carly.  She’s enjoying finding ways to make Earth dishes with Thedosian ingredients.

Who pays the bills?  Carly.  Well, technically I guess it’s Josephine, but you know what I mean.

Who’s the tallest?  Solas, he’s a good ten inches taller than Carly.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?  They both do it.

Who wanders around in their underwear?  Neither.  It’s a castle full of people, remember?

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? N/A

What do they tease each other about?  Carly teases Solas about being a dreadful Dread Egg, whose plans all tend to go pear shaped.  He teases her for being small and stubborn.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?  Carly.  The hobo aesthetic drives her nuts.

Who crushed first?  Carly.  I mean, she was crushing on him before they ever met.  It’s kinda weird when you think about it.

Any alcohol or substance related problems? No.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?  Carly.  But it was only the one time, I swear.

Who swears the most?  That’s a tossup.  Carly swears more out loud in mixed company.  Solas has a filthy mouth when it’s just them, but it’s usually in Elvish and she can’t tell what he’s saying.

OMG, this was so much fun.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you sit on the couch or the floor? I’d definitely choose the couch over the floor. 

How many different colleges have you gone to? Two-- a community college and a UC. How much stress can you handle? It doesn’t take much at all before I get overwhelmed.

What is something you have to do before you go to sleep every night? I like to listen to ASMR. 

How confident are you in achieving your dreams? Sigh. I’m a mess. I don’t even really have any dreams I want to achieve right now. I don’t have the motivation or the energy. I don’t have any confidence in myself. I really need to get my shit together.

What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I didn’t think I’d end up like this. I didn’t have a definite plan with what I wanted to do after college, but I can assure you this wasn’t it.

Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? No.

At what point in your life do you think you will be truly happy? I don’t know. :(

Do you ever make pictures or shapes out of the markings in the ceiling? I did that as a kid sometimes.

Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? It most definitely is.

Do you really think money will buy your, or anyone else’s, happiness? It can certainly help. I think it could bring some happiness, like happy moments and things that bring joy, but it wouldn’t cure my depression and the other stuff I’m dealing with. It wouldn’t just go away. At the end of the day, I’d still be left with those things. The thoughts and feelings would still be there. Those feelings and thoughts hit me in the middle of doing something I like or if I’m having a good time now and I don’t see that changing if I became financially better off. 

Is shopping a form of therapy for you? No.

Do you have to take medication for any mental illness? I’m not currently taking anything for it.

Do you believe it is possible for someone to change? Yes, of course. 

What is your favorite food to snack on when watching t.v.? I’m not a big snacker, but lately I have been into sourdough bread and spinach and artichoke dip.

Do you like looking at pictures? Yeah.

Have you ever set 2 people up and it actually worked out? It did for a little while.

Are you good at persuading? Uhh. Depends.

How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? I’m not super into them for myself, but I think they can be cool.

Do you care what people think? Yes and no. Not as much as I used to. I wish it was because I’m now this happy and confident person, but no. 

How many dirty looks have you received today? None.

If a loved one who’d died showed up at your door, what would you do? Uh, I’d be scared and freaked out to say the least and extremely confused. I honestly don’t know what I would do or say. I think it’d be a roller coaster of emotions. If it really were them then I’d be overwhelmed and cry and want to hug them and talk to them and omg I’d be a mess. It would feel so surreal. I’d also have a lot of questions.

Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I like to believe they give us little signs.

How many times have you looked at a picture and wished you were there? Many times.

And your name is? Stephanie.

How do you like your coffee? With flavored creamer or cream and sugar.

Do you have a job? If so, what do you do? No.

If unemployed, what do you do to keep yourself busy? My days consist of rest, social media, TV, YouTube, Tumblr, reading, playing Animal Crossing, surveys, and spending time with family.

Top 3 favorite foods, go: Wingstop’s garlic parm and lemon pepper boneless wings, ramen, and breakfast sandwiches.

What does the person who texted you last mean to you? My mom means everything to me.

How do you feel about polyamory? Not something I would be okay with.

When did you last have sex? Was it good? Never.

Which apps on your phone do you use the most? YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, and Kindle.

Do you go through phases when it comes to music genres, or are you pretty consistent in what you listen to? I’m consistent. 

Does death scare you? Yes.

If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? I’d have good health, mentally and physically.

Which family member do you get along with the most? My mom and brother..

Do you like horror movies? Why or why not? Yesss. 

Do you play video games? If so, what are some of your favorites? I’ve been playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the past year.

How often do you eat fast food? Quite often.

Do you like sushi? Nooo.

Would you ever be able to become a vegan? No.

How often do you drink alcohol? I don’t. I haven’t drank going on 8 years now.

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was obsessed with Barbies.

Who was your first best friend? What is your favorite memory of/with them? Are you two still friends? These two girls, Crystal and Starr, in preschool. I remember they came to my birthday party at Chuck E Cheese; that was fun. No, we lost touch after preschool. 

If you could see anyone in concert, living or dead, who would it be? I wish I could have seen Linkin Park with Chester. :(

If you were to get married, would you rather have a big extravagant wedding or a small private affair? Explain your answer. I don’t plan on getting married. I really just don’t see it in the cards for me.

Do you want kids? Why or why not? No.

How did you meet your newest friend? I don’t have any friends.

Have you ever watched the show Teen Mom? What did you think about it? Yeah, I watch Teen Mom OG and Teen Mom 2.

Are you old enough to remember MySpace? Yeah, of course. I’m old.

Where is the boy you want most? There isn’t one.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? Right here.

How old is the last person you kissed? He just turned 30.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you? My brother.

Can you make yourself sneeze? No. Tilting my head back and looking at a bright light doesn’t seem to work for me.

What is your current mood? Blah.

What are you doing tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

Who was the last person to sleep in your bed besides yourself? I’m the only one.

Do you think you would make a good boyfriend/girlfriend? Not at this time, no.

Where were you at 9am this morning? I was in bed, asleep.

Whose bedroom were you in last? I’m in mine. Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? I don’t want to have kids.

Do you talk to the person you like everyday? I’m not interested in anyone right now.

Do you have trouble deleting your text messages? I’ve never had a reason to delete them.

Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? Ehhhh.

Would you rather rent or buy movies? I like watching them through a streaming service.

What is the best part of your own body? Nothing.

Would you rather watch a full season of American Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance? American Idol, I guess.

Do you like to take walks? No.

Have you ever gone anywhere for spring break? Yeah, my former best friend and I took a few small trips.

Do you worry a lot? Yeppp.

Would you rather have big or small dogs? Medium dog.

Do you mind being cold? I much prefer it to being hot. I like wrapping up in a blanket or lounging around in a sweatshirt or drinking a warm drink.

What is your favorite sports drink? I don’t drink any sports drinks.

Do you keep a diary or journal (offline or online)? This is it.

What is your favorite candy? White chocolate.

Do you document everything in pictures? Not everything, but I do like taking pictures of things I want to remember and having those memories.

Have you ever waited for something for so long and then had it snatched from right underneath you when it seemed so close to grasp? Yes.

Choose one: being able to teleport yourself anywhere in the world at any given time or being able to fly? Teleport, hands down.

Do you feel more comfortable in public wearing jeans or sweatpants? I’m a leggings gal.

What is something that most people wouldn’t know about you from simply looking at you? I take surveys. <<< Ha, true.

Do you fear growing older? Yes.

Have you ever been called a tease? Yes and I was like wtf? I wasn’t the one leading them on or playing with their emotions like they were. 

Is there something that reminds you of someone every time you see or hear it? Yeah, many things like that with different people.

Do you trust all of your friends? I don’t have any friends.

Does The X-Files theme song give you the goosebumps? It did when I was a kid.

Have you ever taken the batteries out of a Ferbie only to have it come alive in the middle of the night? Omg, that did happen once! Those things were freaky.

Don't you find those black cat clocks with the moving eyes and tail just a little creepy? lol yeah they kinda are.

When things get bad, are you more likely to blame yourself or somebody else? Myself. 

Are most of your friends' biological parents married or divorced? Do you remember those commercials that scared kids into not playing around railroad tracks? No?

Do you ever wish your life was a sitcom, just so all your problems could be solved in thirty minutes? That would be nice.

Have you ever noticed how different everybody's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd bases are? I feel like it’s the same general idea.

Do you tend to set yourself up for disappointment? I’m always expecting the worst case scenarios, so.

Would you ever call a guy back and say, "Oh, sorry. I was taking a hot shower"? No.

Who do you get most of relationship advice from: guys or girls? I used to get it from both. Although, oddly, I was the one people came to for relationship more often and I had none.

Have you ever put your all into someone and got nothing back? Yes.

Do you think that you, personally, have been more shaped by experiences or by people? Experiences.

Do people ever make fun of your religion or lack thereof? Not to me, personally, but yes people do make fun of Christianity.

Have you ever put the television on mute and tried dubbing in new dialogue? No.

Do you say/do things a lot for shock effect? No.

If you were in an iPod commercial, what would you want your background color to be? They don’t make those commercials anymore, but rose gold.

What was the last compliment you gave a guy? I don't know.

Do you usually follow your head, instincts, or heart more? They all play a role, it just depends. I suppose my emotions do probably play a bigger role.

Where do you spend most of your waking time at home? In my room.

Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock? It pops sometimes.

With just your life, are you more optimistic, realistic, or pessimistic? Definitely pessimistic.

Is it hard for you to ask for help? Yes.

Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids "the talk"? No. I don’t want to have kids.

Do you ever feel like you're missing out on something? Yeah, life.

Is your high school ANYTHING like the ones in the movies? My high school experience was nothing like that, but I feared it would be going in. Movies never paint high school in a good light.

Are you going to be totally screwed if pigs start flying tomorrow? I don’t recall ever really saying I’d do something if pigs fly or anything like that. I don’t think...

Have you ever finished taking a shower and realize that there are no dry towels? I always grab a towel beforehand.

Do you love listening to sad piano solos? Sometimes.

Was one of your grandpas in a war? My paternal grandpa was.

Did you ever actually try to find the end of a rainbow? As a kid, I’m sure.

Are you afraid of jinxing things? Sometimes. 

Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up? I did that as a kid.

If you were married, and your spouse's parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? I’m very close with my family so I would certainly understand and would want to do what we could to help. 

Have you screamed in a pillow before? For sure.

If a guy put his jacket on a puddle for you, would you actually walk on it or just look at him like he was crazy? lol aww I would be like you really didn’t have to do that now your jacket is all wet and dirty. We can just go around. I’m in a wheelchair, so that wouldn’t do much good anyway lol.

Would any of your friends dress up like a cow for a free chicken sandwich from Chikfila?

What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Acoustic.

Have you ever ordered something off a commercial on television? Nope.

What do you notice more, somebody's eyes or smile? Smile.

Did you actually have a cookie jar? We did when I was little.

Have you ever put on a shirt that came straight out of the dryer? Yessss. I love that.

Sometimes, does it feel like your life isn't going anywhere? That’s exactly how I’ve felt these past few years.

You've reach a fork in the road, do you go left or right? Hm. Right.

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them? Not flat out ignore, but I become distant and short. I don’t initiate conversation with them.

What's worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed, definitely.

Have you ever gotten up early the next morning to do homework or study? Yes, but I usually just stayed up late and finished instead. I didn’t want to risk waking up late or running out of time and stressing about it.

Do you still consider Pluto a planet? I always still include it. 

Right now, are you at a high, leveled, or low point? “And I’m at an all time low low low low low low low....”

When things go from bad to worse, have you ever been afraid of what kind of person you would be when it was all over? These past few years have made be become someone I absolutely do not want to be. :/

Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait? It can for some. Sometimes it seems like people are really just handed stuff with minimal to no effort, but generally speaking you have to work at it. I don’t think you can just sit around waiting, you have to get up and do it. And that’s something I need to do. I go on about how each year nothing changes and I’m worried about wasting away and doing nothing with my life, but I am doing anything to try and change that? Am I taking any steps? 

What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? I’m always biting my lips. I pick at my nails constantly, but I don’t bite them.

Have you ever wanted to fast forward your life so you could see if it was worth it? Sometimes, but I’d be afraid to actually do that if given the chance.

Do you think that knowing when and how you're going to die would ruin your life? I really don’t want to know.

Did you ever feel bad for Tom and Sylvester? Jerry and Tweety did often tease and provoke. You can’t help but feel kinda bad for Tom and Sylvester sometimes. 

[fairycosmos]

Hello babes what's your take on YouTube?Like the influencer culture and all?My sister is kinda obsessed with this YouTuber lol and talks about her life and I'm like DONE but also I feel so bad for not having that much money,earning it from YouTube etc and she is younger than me but her life is better and I'm poor and unemployed?Like I don't like influencer culture but it does affect me to see those people and I'm like wow I'm just slaving away for nothing?sjsjsj sorry this is just out of nowhere

honestly…..i just…..there is so much i want 2 say because it’s such an expansive topic and there’s so many different faucets of it like……i tend to think it’s just a more relatable and therefore more toxic version of celebrity worship/stanning, but. i’ll just start with the fact that i also went through a phase of idolizing youtubers when i was 13 in like 2013 and even back then it was a completely ridiculous and unhealthy internet landscape to be involved in but now it’s…..a MILLION times worse :/ because it’s so normalized even though it’s more of a ‘business’ than it’s ever been. what i want to know is who decided these public figures would get paid such a ridiculous amount for such little work/effort……who decided these absolute caricatures of people should set the standard for the youth……do they idolize them out of jealously, loneliness, boredom, just because they’re there and they’re pushed down our throats? what IS it? could it be curiosity and liking having someone to make fun of? or could it be enjoying the feeling of having a harmless best friend in the form of a 30 year old adult talking to a camera and selling their sense of reality/morality for financial gain? could it be for a sense of guidance and companionship that they dont have in their actual lives? a sense of identity? cause it seems like most ppl, even teenagers/kids, are aware that these influencers are absolutely not representative of reality or of what’s obtainable. but they still, even on a subconscious level, strive to be like them. to live an instagram highlight reel lifestyle, all of the time. i think it’s so deeply ingrained in ppl my age and younger now, we’ve been shaped by it. our core beliefs about wealth and beauty have been manipulated by those we’ll never ‘be like’. :/ and they rely on that public insecurity to make a profit. but yeah, the rest of us are working crappy jobs to never see even a quarter of the amount that these internet ppl make and yet they still try to play the game as if they’re just like everyone else, as if they’re uwu struggling too uwu……and it’s awful because the younger we are when we’re absorbed into this, the harder is it to see what’s toxic and what’s not. there ARE loads of genuinely talented online content creators, and i enjoy many even as an adult, but when you look at the bigger picture - how many of them are simply exploiting both their audience and themselves (through drama or for money or for attention) simply because that’s the person their job has allowed them to be? it’s like they’re stuck as perpetually shallow 17 yos and THATS their work. and then they preach to us as if they’re the pinnacle of well…..anything except unnecessary wealth. hgjfkdlsgf i dont blame you at all for feeling bitter about it. honestly, it’s not the norm to make a lot of money on youtube for people our age. it just gets talked about a lot to so it seems more common than it really is. but a lot of those people come from privileged backgrounds already, thats how they gain admiration from any sort of audience to begin with. it’s pretty sick, but try not to compare yourself to them as it’ll do you no good. what really matters is working with what’s in your own control. trying to be a decent person, trying to grow in the right way n trying to treat yourself with kindness. these youtubers have all of the money and to an extent all of the (means to be) happy that they need, but their poisonous environments and mentalities are probably preventing them from evolving or finding any sort of inner peace. unless they’re actively working to fight that, which some of them are, but the majority don’t seem to be…..anyway i hope your sister grows out of the phase and i’m sure it’s just a matter of time, anyway. it’s normal to be enamored with such displays of grandeur when you’re young, but then eventually we realize that…..thats really all there is. and to the adult mind, it gets boring. or infuriating! :/

[ofstrikcrs]

heyo what’s poppin ! it’s me, hannah !  i’m 20 n vibin in the est. my pronouns r we/them/boys but she/her work as well djskfsmd n i’m currently #unemployed BUT i am a full time student... majoring in dumb bitch theory n loving my gf n i’m at the top of my class baby...... :’) ANYWAY. i’m back again w a ( hopefully ) more condensed version of the infamous google doc(s) STRIKER KIM? MORE LIKE STRIKE ME IN THE HEART I LOVE U BITCH so that u dont all have to read the monstrosity that is my app ( but like, if u wanna... u can find it right HERE ) 

n without further ado... let’s kick it !

this is striker, he’s 28 ( soon to b 29 #ariesculture ) n he’s very complicated.. very complicated.... 

his mom cherry kim ( nee corallo ) is the daughter of lorenzo corallo, renowned filmmaker. daphne had a stint in acting in her youth as well but ending up withdrawing from the spotlight once she married his dad.

his dad is warren kim, business man

what kind of business you ask ? well..

let us rewind a little bit, shall we? now if you know anything about the ins and outs of organized crime in new york city, the name corallo might sound *eyes emoji* familiar to you. giovanni corallo was a boss of the lucchese crime family until his arrest and… you guessed it… that means our man lorenzo corallo is a man of the mafia !

lorenzo, however, wasn’t a first-born son which also meant he wasn’t an heir in any way shape or form and was free to do his thing you know BUT when it came time to arrange marriage for his one and only daughter, cherry, it was Expected of him to keep it in the family 

enter the kim family, who had been loyal to the lucchese family for as long as they’d been in america and had built up quite a reputation for themselves in the family, so it was just a natural choice to marry off cherry to their son, warren

they had two kids! their first-born son, dagger, and their second-son…. STRIKER !

and, as in all mafia stories, there is no better prize than the benefits reaped from die-hard loyalty, so in addition to getting to marry a corallo girl… a series of unfortunate events ( i.e. some deaths and arrests ) led to the promotion from right-hand man to acting boss of none other than our very own warren kim

now being the child of an acting mob boss is stressful, but being the second-son of an acting mob boss is… slightly less stressful. see, cherry stepping Out of the spotlight was a strategic move on her own part but was entirely her own decision which meant that striker was free to choose the exact opposite

with no real mafia-related responsibilities or expectations ( other than keeping his mouth SHUT ) on his shoulders, he was more or less… free to roam however he wanted and as he’s always had a taste for the finer things in life, there’s no real surprise that he chose to follow his mother’s side of the family and became nothing short of a socialite in new york city 

which.. despite what the press says abt our #mans striker kim ( i.e. being a billionaire playboy, irresponsible, reckless, wild, etc. ) he’s smart n his main motivation for heading straight for the spotlight is bc every person who falls in love w him is part of a complex and expansive insurance policy that makes it that much harder for the mafia to make him Disappear, u know ?

this is one of the reasons why striker and dagger never Really not along, though striker’s always had this theory that dagger was built for nothing but the mafia anyway bc he’s straight up one of the meanest, cruelest,  most RUTHLESS people that striker has ever met. but, like, with a name like dagger… how could you not be?

things really start getting #Complicated for striker when he’s ABOUT to graduate from college and his dad yeets this mortal coil in a Shocking Tragic Unexpected death ! it doesn’t really affect striker all that much bc striker spent a lot of his life living with his grandfather in the city but… rather when his father dies it’s dagger that ascends into the role of acting boss and BOY OH BOY that’s nothing but trouble for striker 

dagger gets striker roped right back into the mafia that he worked his whole life to try n get out of.. just like that. sad.

and because striker is… como se dice…. a stubborn shithead with a penchant for the dramatics, he starts looking for a way to make his brothers life absolute hell because! yes! striker IS the person who fucks with the mafia! what a moron!

for a good few years it was just minor stuff, nothing really consequential, but that gets boring very quickly bc ... u know ... it is what it is 

ANYWAY. he really finds his in to what’s going to make dagger kim’s life HELL and that is getting himself involved in a little heist group. there are only so many events that striker can show his face that end with a robbery of some sort before it starts to become suspicious, and it doesn’t take a genius to connect the kim family to the corallo family to the lucchese family. it’s just enough to keep people talking but not enough to actively incriminate himself. and as long as he’s not publicly throwing the lucchese family under the bus, he’s still, by all accounts, insured by the mafia as the son of warren kim.

anyway! enough w the backstory! here’s some fun lil personality n headcanon stuff :’)

first and foremost.. he does have a face tatoo. ( and an eyebrow piercing and yes i have photos of both if u want to see them )  it’s of a crown on his left cheek and he   got it within a week of his father dying and dagger forcing him to come back into   the mafia to Assert His Dominance n show dagger he was still in charge of his own   goddamn decisions so fuck you dagger

dagger punched him in the face for getting the tattoo and he had a black eye for two weeks but you win some you lose some

on the surface? rich kid asshole!!! rich RICH kid asshole!!! you know the kind of guy you take one ( 1 ) look at him and you’re like yeAh u absolutely think that ur better than me ? that’s him 

does he rly think he’s better than u? unclear.. depends on who u are... i already have some thots abt who striker wld dislike hmu tho aha x

fluent in english ofc n also korean and italian, his primary language is lit rally a jumble of korean and italian tht nobody can understand but like.. him n dagger n his dad ( rip ) n he also knows a little spanish and japanese.

he’s afraid of horses but will never admit it

he loves to bet!!! he loves it!!! it’s probably from growing up in a family where making bets on things was a major source of income but he will 100000% place bets on anything there is to place bets on and will rope as many people into his betting pools as possible

he hasn’t had his gay awakening yet isn’t that tragic??  turns out the mafia ISN’T a very lgbt friendly place, who would have thought?? so that’s absolutely something that’s going to happen bc we know that i love to make my characters suffer esp when it’s related to their attraction to someone whew…

he’s somehow both the biggest gossip and the most secretive person that you’ll ever meet??? like he’s an instigator n will make offhanded comments abt what he’s observed other ppl doing recently that he thinks are… inch resting… and you’ll have this long ass conversation w him and not realize until like 2 hours later that he didn’t say one ( 1 ) thing abt himself the entire time

you know how finnick from the hunger games used to get paid for things w secrets??? that’s so striker to the core… like you can’t buy him or bribe him bc baby has $$$ and is so disinterested in the glitz and glamor of fast cars and expensive drinks and whatnot, so if you really want him to do something for him… you’re going to have to trade him some secrets… n that’s that on that!

he doesn’t like to take his shirt off around ppl bc #scars ( predominantly the large letter L that’s branded on his chest but there are some others that i haven’t decided on yet ) anyway he does not partake in the pool parties n as explanation has just always  told everyone that he doesn’t know how to swim… n he’ll die w that lie, thank u !

very paranoid... has 2 different phones w his contacts n codes.. folds his clothes a certain way so he can know if someone touched his stuff... has a fun in a safe under his bed that he changes the passcode to regularly.... he also has some ocd but a lot of it is #trauma

im sry there r so many points here i .. rly tried to trim them down n there are like 300% more in my app but.. whew... ok

i’m going to stop now but pls.. pls plot w me i beg ok thank u bye

[jxckspxcer]

bro idk what to do lately. it’s not just the blog, it’s my whole laptop, i just cannot bring myself to sit down at my laptop and focus on one website for an extended period of time. i reblogged that psa to admit to the natural reaction of finding it hard to focus when the worlds in chaos, but there are specifics i have wanted to talk about on here ! i wanted to make a nice update post ! maybe with art ! but my brain won’t cooperate, meds or no meds. so i’ll just make a SLOPPY UPDATE for now. Things.... on my mind.

Current Events: 

I live across the river from Portland & every day its the sound of sirens, firecrackers and revving engines in my neighborhood. I got friends protesting out there and I refresh the news almost every hour. I want to do my part to show support, but it’s also hard to focus on how to do that, with everything else on top of it.

Still livin in an immunocompromised household, now with cases booming from the 300 when it started to the 1500+ we got now just in our COUNTY, I don’t go outside more than once a week at this point and I’m losin inspirational mojo. 

My dads been bedridden for like a month & it’s really, really, really, really, really, really really reallyreallyreallyREALLY upsetting to me, he says it’s fine & he just needs to get his oxygen count up like his doctor said but I’m having a micro panic attack every time I pass his bedroom. 

After two months of FINE weather, it’s officially getting hot & we have no A/C, just a buncha fans pushing around hot air. I wake up in pools of my own sweat every hour, so the sleep isn’t great. 

Due to future events, I’m doing a lot of cleaning up around the house. But there’s also a lot of supplies I’m missing at the same time. And space for storage. And knowledge of HOW to clean and organize on my own. It’s a slow, day by day, waiting for extra resources, drag of a job. 

Still unemployed! But I got that unemployment moneys! So I can finally pay for my own beans. I really, really need to upd8 my Kofi & any old donation posts. 

Future Events: 

My dad got me on call for a puppy. I’m getting a puppy in September, maybe October. It’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me (sad), but it hasn’t happened yet, so I’m constantly having heartache from yearning, anticipation and dread, worried I might not get my puppy or some other disappointment. I can’t properly wait for things, I have to distract myself from thinking about it, or my hype will overstimulate and upset me. 

In October, my dads church may have found us a house. Is this religious privilege ? Or is having a genuine community who actually cares about you just this nice ? AH ? But it’s TWO MONTHS OUT. ANOTHER WAIT IN PAIN ? It’s also not permanent. We’ll basically be housesitting for maybe four years. But it’s a fUCKIN HO USE. AHHHHH. I haven’t lived in a house since I was 12. I crave it. 

My dads B-Day is in two weeeeeks (it’s August 14th). 

Alternatives to Roleplaying: 

If you still wanna hang with your buddy Murmur, no doubt I will return one day for my Jack muse still clings strong, but there are other options. 

Play video games with me ! I got--- Minecraft ! Left 4 Dead ! WoW ! UHhHhHhh but I’m bad at videogames so just gotta accept that videogames is just another form of hanging out to me. Never any competition to know more about the game or understand the controls better, cAUSE THE WINNER WILL NEVER BE ME. Suggesting other games that are good for co-operative play would be appreciated. 

Talk to me about your day and your life. It is not boring to me. I find the perspectives of lives other than my own incredibly worthwhile. My hyperfixation is sociopsychology, knowing how you grew up & how you live now & how it all shapes your views, is beautiful to me, and I enjoy offering my perspectives in return. Though you don’t gotta go that deep if you just tell me u got a cat named Corn I’ll love regardless. 

Talk to me about your muse ! Our muses ! Passion projects ! I’m here to support ! And be interactive when I can. 

I was considering starting a discord ebook club for Ascendance of a Bookworm by Miya Kazuki. Each ebook is only $6, and I’d probably pay for a copy for anyone who can’t get it themselves, that’s how much I love the book. But it’s a lot of set-up still, and I’d have to find people interested, but *clenches fist* an idea.

Also under consideration: a discord D&D club, but also like, ic.... I’ve never DM’d in my life but it’s on my bucketlist & is therefore, under consideration. 

Oh hay I have a personal blog @heylinfanclub​ & Jack has an aesthetic blog @basementvillainy​.

If you can ASK, you can HAVE: My Discord, Snap, (close friends) Phone Numby. You gotta ask cause, bro I can’t assume who wants it, I can’t have that responsibility. 

No Denying that I SHALL RETURN, but uhhhhh it’s quiet uptown for now. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #261

“i hate you for every time you ever bled for me.”

If you have a job, how long is your shift? I'm unemployed. Do you ever wear your hair in a pony tail? It's too short for that. What language did you take up in high school? Latin for one semester, then I took four of German. Do you like sunflowers? It's illegal to live in the South and not lmao. Have you ever held hands with someone in a car? Yeah. Would you rather be called honey or baby? Hunny. What is your favorite card game? Even though I never learned it super well, I used to enjoy Magic: The Gathering and have actually been like dying to play it for months lmao. How many emails were you sent today? None. What was your favorite Christmas gift you got last year? Well I mostly got money life chose I didn't get to use, lol. I honestly don't really remember anything else prominently... sounds bad, but yeah, so is my memory lmao. What have you thought up yet for this year’s list? Well it's only April, but a treadmill or something like that is at the top right now. Do you have any embarrassing usernames? Ha ha, none that I still use. Do you have a backpack in a shape of an animal? No, but I almost got a meerkat one. But it was too small. :'( Have you ever waxed your legs? OW no. My hair is too long and thick. Have you ever taught a little kid to flick people off? lol wow no. Have you ever itched yourself until your skin was raw? I do that remarkably easy, especially on my legs. I literally have long scars from it. Do you always clear your history after using the computer? No. Have you ever had your food stolen by a bird? Ha ha nah. Are you responsible for stuffing someone's stocking? No. Do you make your own smoothies or juices? No. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? I absolutely hate raisins. What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? It greatly depends on a lot of things: the person's health, financial position, etc. Have you ever watched Bob's Burgers? A couple times. It was pretty funny if I remember correctly. Denim, leather or varsity jacket? UUUUGGGGGHHHHH leather. I've wanted one since middle school. ;_; Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No. I honestly didn't pass notes, but I find it mean as FUCK when teachers do this. Privacy is a goddamn thing that should be respected. I do not support passing notes in class, like you're there to learn, but having it shared in front of all your peers is not the fucking answer. I get heated about this shit. What's your favorite perfume that you own? I only own one that's called "Blush" from rue 21. It smells really nice, though. Do you clean things that are already clean when you're bored? No. I'd rather clean something that isn't already. Do you have an older brother? Yes. What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? Lol I'd probably say "mood," but it depends on our relationship of course. Like there're times to be humorous and light-hearted about it and other times when you don't make it about you. If they're clearly more sad and especially if I don't know them well, I'd say something like "I understand," because I can almost guarantee I do about this. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Have you ever been to jail? No, I'm a good noodle. :) Are your collarbones prominent? No. ;_; You can see them, yeah, but they're not like very obvious. It's one of my biggest motivators to lose weight though because I am dyinnnnggg for dermals there, but I think it would look weird without that contrast. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? When I was a kiddo. Ugly things. Do you own anything tribal print? No. Do you watch any beauty gurus on YouTube? I'm not even very interested in beauty, yet I love Jeffree Star??? Nikkie is cool too. I've found I watch more for personalities than content, in all genres of vids. Do you like Skittles? More like LOVE. Do you have a PillowPet? No. If you do, what kind of PillowPet do you have? N/A Do you have sleep paralysis? Thank the fuck to god no. That shit sounds absolutely terrifying. Is there anyone at home right now you wish wasn't? No. Do you like Placebo? Tbh I can't think of one song by them rn. I know I've heard them, Mom's even got a CD I'm sure I've tried out long ago when I got into her music, but obviously nothing stood out well enough, at least back then. Has anyone ever carried you to bed? As a kid, yeah, usually my dad. Could you happily date someone prettier than you? Yes???? Do you know anyone with cancer? Both my mom and grandmother right now. Are you easily offended? No. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? HI we've always been poor so no. Not just that, but they knew better than to spoil us. Have you ever tried to jump a fence? I have. Do you watch My Strange Addiction? No. How attracted are you to the last person that kissed you? A bit above moderately ig. Have you ever known a white supremacist? HUNNY I live in the South. In regards to who do you think "what if?" Jason as a fucking whole is my absolute "what if." Do you like the smell of a barbecue? Yes, even though I enjoy like almost no food at most of them. Doesn't stop it from smelling good. Has anyone ever called you apathetic or unemotional? I can't even imagine someone calling me that, no. I'm the polar opposite. How much money do you spend in a month on clothes or accessories? None in the average month. What was the last clothing item you wore that doesn't belong to you? A pair of Mom's pants. I didn't have any clean pairs. Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? No. Got no interest in sporting anything relating to a boring-ass, bigoted, racist state. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? WOW A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? Yeah, I do. I mean yeah, they're fake, but what horror movie isn't even though it claims it is, honestly. How do you like your oatmeal? Apples & cinnamon with a bit of sugar. Does it make you feel better when an ex starts dating someone unattractive? No. Appearance doesn't mean shit when it comes to what the heart wants. What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? In a sandwich w/ grape jam. Do you fall in infatuation easily? Infatuation, I'm not sure. Who has initiated most of your first kisses? Considering almost all previous relationships, usually me as they all knew I needed to go slow. I'd only do it if I was aware they'd wanted to kiss already, though. Do you like bows? Omg yes, cute shit. Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? Yes. Jason first went to college to be a chef. Are you more likely to show affection through your words or your actions? Probably words when you consider I'm slow with physically doing that, but I'm honestly really affectionate either way when I'm comfortable with you. Do you like Cheez-Its? VERY MUCH SO omg keep them away from me. Do you ever use coloring books? Not anymore. How do you feel about instrumental music? I have to be in the mood for it. Have you ever been on a trapeze? No. What's the coolest natural event you've ever witnessed? I still don't know to this day what it was, but I THINK it was a star exploding. Scared me, man. Seeing the big lunar eclipse last year was also wicked cool. Do you know how to use chopsticks? HA, I never could. Not with my tremors. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine's Day when it goes on sale? No, I don't need chocolate. Do you think bunnies are cute? I would fight God to give a lop-eared bunny one (1) pet. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I've had a friend get something published in a magazine before, and during one stay at the psych hospital, I met a published poet. His stuff was really good. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? Otw home from Illinois. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Yeah? I'd assume everyone would at least know one... If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? The thought "I'm bored" every five minutes. What's a song that makes you feel happy? "Jump" by Van Halen came to mind first. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube. Do you need money to be happy? To a degree, yes. Money can buy happiness - but again, to a degree. Saying it doesn't is bullshit. What's a good idea you've had recently? Probably just OC ideas, lmao. I've thought of some decently cool stuff recently. what is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Cinnamon rolls uggggghhhhhh How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? Two or three if I'm seriously hungry. If you could switch places with someone for a day, who would it be? Is "Mark's girlfriend" even remotely surprising lmao but no seriously she's an amazing and productive person like I WISH. What's the last song you listened to? "Roots" by In This Moment is on rn. Do you like the movie Zootopia? Ye! Do you ever go on Pinterest? Yeah. What's the last kind of chocolate you ate? A Reese's. Tell me a line from the song you're listening to: "I'm stronger than I ever knew - I'm strong because of you." Have you ever participated in a march/protest? No. Have you ever performed in front of a large audience? Yeah, for dance classes and school stuff. What did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Popcorn. I may have gotten sour gummies, too? Idr. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Do you listen to music every day? There are rare days where I don't. I'll be watching too many actual videos. Do you have a hard time making decisions? A STUPID hard time. I'm extremely dependent, including when faced with decisions. I second-guess myself with everything. Do you start the shower water before or after you get in? Before. How many times have you been to a museum? A good number of times. We live pretty close to an art + science one. Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? Most likely not. Would you rather be a Panda or Grizzly bear? A panda so it wouldn't be legal to shoot me lmao. Do the stairs in your house have carpet? We only have one floor. Can you do a twirl like a ballerina? Oh wow, no. Even when I was a dancer, I SUCKED at that. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Is your family dysfunctional? To a degree. How old were you the first time you travelled alone? 22? What's the longest hotel stay you've ever had? I don't know. Not long. We only ever really stayed at one when we had to go to Myrtle Beach for annual dance competitions, and those were only like, a weekend. What architectural style was your childhood home? Uhhh idk. Very normal. Tell me a bit about your last relationship. What was it like dating them? It was great, but also stressful because of distance. What's the largest animal you've seen in the wild? Maybe like a large buck or something. Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not that I'm aware of. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. What political issues are the most important to you personally? Gay rights and the pro-choice stance. Does your neighborhood have a community garden? I've never even heard of such a thing. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? Acting secretive or cryptic about who they are as a person. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? Visually that I've seen a good number of pictures of, Utah. Are there any obscure foods you've eaten that most people have never tried? I very much doubt that. What's the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I'm unsure. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? Yeah, I did one of those diet things before... but the name is evading me, even though it's super common. Nutrisystem, maybe? Do you have any pets? If so, how old are they? Venus is around five, and Roman is two. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? My psychiatrist and former therapist predict my discomfort around men, particularly when they're behind me, and extreme fear of rape is rooted in two kids from pre-k that used to chase, randomly hug the hell out of, and try to kiss me. I'd actually entirely forgotten about it until we really started to dig deep, so I guess it's a repressed memory. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? WOW no, son. What's your favorite DIY crafts youtube channel? I don't watch DIY stuff. What was your high school's mascot? Firebird. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Megan, Maria, Girt, and Dennis were The Crew. Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Aaron was my brief puppy-dog love, but Jason was my first real boyfriend. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom. If I slept on the top, but bottom is getting crushed lmao. As a little kid though when Nicole and I shared a room, I had to have the top bunk until I got a bit older. What insects are you afraid of? BEETLES, CICADAS, AND LARVA GET THE FUCK OUT. Honestly most insects scare me to a degree. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I think the aforementioned Aaron did in middle school at least once before we dated. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Swimming in the pool, if they had one. What's one way in which you're still a child? I'm dependent as shit on my mom. What's one way in which you're old? I now say "back in the day" sometimes lmfao. Do you feel old or young? Or do you feel both at different times? Both at different times. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? Only once at a certain age. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Just kinda swim around and think, or watch nature. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? I know I have, but they're evading me, gaaaah. What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? I only ever wear black. What’s your favourite brand of peanut butter? Uhhh never really paid much attention to brands. Do you put all your stuff for class in one binder or several? When I was in school, I had one binder with dividers, but I also had specific folders too. What’s your favourite Lunchables meal? The nachos. How many languages can you recite the alphabet in? Two. What’s your favourite flavour of sunflower seeds? I hate those. What’s your favourite flavor of muffin? Chocolate oof. Have you ever had carpal tunnel? I do. I haven't had problems in a couple months, though. Are you one of those people who is really smart but has no common sense? OW FUCK OFF. How old were you when you met your first love? I was just shy of 16. Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? We occasionally did as a kid, but they definitely don't have that where we live now. Has the last person you kissed met your family? She met my mom, dad, and younger sister. What was the last strong emotion you experienced? Who was responsible for it? Remorse. Myself. Have you ever had to cancel a bank account? Yes. Was the last conversation you had an argument? No. If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? I am not in the financial or mental position to get married right now. Where was the last place you got completely wasted? I've never been "wasted." If you could have anyone as your roommate, who would you choose? Sara. Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? Wow no. Well, MAYBE when I actually worked in stores and I was supposed to, but I don't remember doing that. Do you go for walks often? I never do because of having no area to (my house is along a dangerous curve), and I need to be very careful because of muscle atrophy in my legs. I need to have easy access to a place to sit and recover or else I get very close to collapsing. As mentioned, I desperately want a treadmill. Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? No, I'm 24 years old. My mom would never in her life do that at any age anyway. How strange do people say you are? Idk?? That's not something I really try to find out because my AvPD would possibly make me cry asldkfjwe. Have you opened food at a grocery store & ate it without or before paying? I would never do that without, but I have before in cases of being very dizzy and knowing I desperately needed food. How artistic are you? I think I'm pretty artistic, but more in concept than actuality... Like I have so so so SOOOOOO many ideas, particularly with drawing, I just don't. Do it. Can you legally drive? Not currently, because my permit has been expired since last year. Did anything dramatic go down yesterday? No. Do you find smoking unattractive? Very. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to be around your ex everyday? No, thankfully. Have you seen someone recently you used to talk to, but don’t anymore? No. Are you comfortable sharing drinks with your friends? No; I don't even share drinks with family. Honestly, have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? No, I hate that shit. When you were a kid did you ever look up “sex” in the dictionary? Actually no. I literally didn't learn anything about it 'til family life in the 5th grade. Is there anything written on the shirt you’re wearing right now? No. Are you shorter or taller than most of your friends? I'm a normal height, really. Honestly, do you double dip? If I'm sharing, no. All you have to do is break the chip. What was the last junk food you ate? I had a little bit of popcorn yesterday.

[kalluun-patangaroa]

Suede

SKY magazine, December 1993

written by Simon Witter 

"HELLO! WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?!" asks Brett Anderson rhetorically, staring at the fluff he has just removed from his ear. "I haven't taken these earrings off for about nine years."

It may seem an incongruous moment to ask the 27-year-old indie pin-up about his personal style, but hey, that's the kind of guy I am. "Tatty," replies Brett with a wry smile. "I haven't been able to get out and go shopping."

Brett Anderson, frontman of Suede – the British pop sensation of 93 – is hotly rumoured to have a great dress sense. Today however, perched uncomfortably behind an executive desk at the central London HQ of his record company, his head inadvertently framed by a halo of Right Said Fred promotional balloons, he is sporting a navy blue jeans'n'top ensemble he accurately describes as "just anything". Brett has been telling me how he spends most of his time with people who work in shops or are unemployed – "real people, not in the business" – so I presume this boutique bonding provides a clue to his supposed, though temporarily non-evident, style savvy.

"Oh no," he gasps. "Not clothes shops! Most of my friends are in food shops. So I know a good bit of brie when I see it."

The thought of Brett Anderson having, at any point in his life, ever eaten food, conjures images of pigs flapping their trotters as they sail past this second floor window. But we press on with the personal style enquiry.

"I want to change it at the moment," he says. "I'm sick of wearing second-hand things. I used to have a grudge against new clothes because I don't like wearing things that another thousand people are wearing. It's nothing to do with being into clothes from years ago, or tatty clothes at all. I'm quite keen to toy around with my style until I eventually find something, to have clothes made for me. There's never anything, when I go out and look for clothes, that I really love. I've got quite a strong vision of what I want, which would be very, very well fitted things. I don't like baggy things. I like lots of ethnic looks. I really like the Spanish look, that sort of matador thing." By way of explanation, Brett strikes a pose, clicking imaginary castanets above his head. "I like that shape. Prince wears a really brilliant little thing sometimes. When I kept getting my bellybutton out, it was really a desire to achieve that shape more than anything, nothing to do with flaunting my navel."

It's well worth flashing your bellybutton while you still can, I assure him, a rueful hand on my own expanding waistline.

"Yep," he smiles. "Well I can't anymore. Not after that chinese last night."

In May of 1992 Suede released their first single, 'The Drowners'. They had already been on the cover of Melody Maker – before they had a record out – and would grace 18 other British magazine covers over the next year, including the cover of Q on just their second single. Their eponymous debut album, released last March, went straight to No. One in the charts and went on to win the Mercury Prize, and last autumn they released a full-length concert video Love & Poison. At this rate, it will be time for their memoirs by easter.

Within the bizarre, incestuous fishbowl of the British music media, Suede have become almost self-damagingly important. After a couple of wilderness years spent faffing about, finding their feet and being universally loathed, their overnight transformation into the most hyped band in the world was nothing short of miraculous. Yet it created impossibly high expectations of their music. A German friend told me how surprised he was, after long distance exposure to their media glare, to discover how average Suede sounded – a judgment that casual discovery of the first album would hardly have elicited. And while touring America, their support act the Cranberries famously outshone them by an enormous factor when it came to album sales. Yet phase one of Suede's career has been – or appeared to be – so extraordinary, that they are going to be hard-pressed to follow it up with anything similarly momentous.

For now, we have 'Stay Together', a new, epically long single. As a measure of Suede's magnitude in the reality-starved world of British indie pop, I am treated to an absurd preview of the track the day before meeting Brett. Before entering the listening room I am subjected to a bag search to check – I kid you not! – that I'm not carrying a concealed tape recorder.

In LA, the world capital of muso control freakism, I was played U2's Desire, the immediate-follow up to their 15-million selling Joshua Tree album, eons before its release without anyone thinking twice. Yet now, without a hint of humour or irony, I am being treated as if I not only know anyone who cares what the next Suede single sounds like, but would be willing to pay for a tape of it recorded through a leather bag.

After regaining consciousness, I join in the fiasco, insist on a full body search (well, at less reputable establishments you'd have to pay good money for this touchy-feely experience) and am seated. The label boss places two speakers on each side of my head, facing my ears from about 20" away, turns it up LOUD, and begins to do that embarrassing, pseudo appreciative in-chair grooving that only people who work in record companies and recording studios have the gall to indulge in. "It's not pompous," he assures me, "even though it's eight minutes long."

Of course any pop song – as opposed to dance record – that lasts eight minutes is by definition pompous. 'Bohemian Rhapsody' was gloriously, defiantly pompous with a side order of pomposity to go. But, despite the circumstances, 'Stay Together' sounds like a fine, many-hued song, liberally doused with Bernard Butler's life-saving guitar, that is destined neither to win many new fans nor shock the devotees.

"It's about a sense of unrest I feel about the world," Brett tells me the following day, in an ill-advised shot at an explanation. "An attempt to make some sense when everything seems to be going slightly insane. I do get a real sense of impending doom, but not in a depressing way, not like we're all gonna die, let's go and rape people. I feel quite content with it. We're living under some shadow, and I'm not quite sure what it is. It's a bit like the fears I felt when I was growing up, when things were unstable and there was the threat of nuclear war, or the fear that your parents could die of aerosol poisoning."

Brett grew up, together with Suede drummer Mat Osman, in the soulless satellite town of Haywards Heath, between London and Brighton. According to Osman, if they'd been the tea party fops people make them out to be, they would've formed a grunge band. They only wanted to be really glamorous because of their stultifyingly dull working class backgrounds. Some might say that that would lead to the three-Es-a-night, dance-and-forget syndrome, rather than the formation of a glam rock band.

"Hopefully we're not a glam rock band," Brett shudders defensively. "You can escape those surroundings by taking a load of Es and ignoring it. Another way is to create your own myth, to try and become romantic in your own eyes, to create something beautiful out of the rubbish and the shit. It all sounds very Oscar Wilde, but that's the way we did it. None of us were brought up in workhouses, but we haven't had easy lives at all."

Suede claim to be obsessed with fame because they were excluded from it. Yet surely fame is the one classless thing people aren't born into?

"Lots of people are constantly privileged," says Brett, who has clearly spent an unhealthy amount of time pondering the abstract qualities of fame. "If you're born in Soho to rich professional parents, and you've got Jonathan Wotsisname coming round to your house every night to see your father, then you've got this world that you slip easily into. When you're excluded from it there's a desperation, you're desperate to have it. It doesn't come as second nature to you, like professionally famous people who hang out in Beverly Hills. It's not something you're comfortable with, but that mutates it into something far more interesting, a bit prickly and far more creative, because you're not just sitting there lapping it up."

Suede's appearance coincided not unfortunately with the post-Madchester 70s revival. But was their styling something more than just the result of being unable to afford new clothes? Personally, I had thought the emergence of Gary Numan had killed off the idea of anyone ever again wanting to be David Bowie (not to mention Bowie's recent records). Then along came Suede, with their rough guitars, their androgyny and their theatrical singer.

"I never thought of ourselves as '70s," Brett insists. "David Bowie is a genius, but the rest of all that rubbish I always found laughable. As for the clothes, I always thought we looked more 60s than 70s. It's all tied up with this whole kitsch thing, this Magpie and Porridge and rediscovering the culture of British music journalists' youths. Kids of 14 didn't know what anyone was talking about, it was just that the people in power had reached a certain age where they were getting sentimental about their youth and started remembering Magpie. That's all it was, all a complete load of rubbish. As soon as we were aware that this scene was going on, we wanted nothing to do with it."

Brett's voice is a highly variable instrument, perfect and beautiful on slow numbers like 'The Next Life', but occasionally, when he affects that archly operatic Bowie yodel, a whiney, sneering sound like Rik Mayall on speed boring into your brain – absolutely maddening. It goes without saying that his delivery owes much to the most overrated British pop star of the last decade, Morrissey.

"I forced my voice in that way because of how we were born, musically, playing shitholes. It was the only way I could make myself heard. I didn't want to sing in the murmuring way that was the style of the time. I wanted to project my voice, because I was writing songs that I wanted people to hear the words of. I wasn't just writing about fluffy little clouds, which is what everyone was doing at the time. People read into my intonations a theatrical seventiesness, but it was a complete accident."

Overworked as the subject is, it's hard to avoid asking why Brett thinks his androgyny caused such a fuss. It's not the first time it has been done; it's not even the tenth time. Genderless, mincing fops are to classic British pop what hairspray is to American rock, a staple ingredient. Brett, by comparison to most, is pretty tame.

"I don't know," he sighs. "We certainly weren't thinking 'oh let's be androgynous', it's just the way we are. I'm naturally quite an effeminate person – not all the time, I do play on things. I think it was because, at the time, people were so incredibly boring. We had been through five years of the cult of non-personality, and we never wanted to go with the flow. When everyone had their heads down, chugging away, we wanted to twist things a little bit. It's like at school, when you find that something annoys someone, you keep on doing it more and more. And that's what happened really."

A female psychologist wrote recently about the overt sexual expression of pre-pubertal girls at pop concerts, the way in which, amidst the non-contact hysteria of the pop experience, they could sometimes experience their first orgasm. She was, admittedly, talking about a Take That show, but I can't help wondering if it looks like that from the stage to Brett Anderson?

"No, nothing like that," he purrs, "nothing sexual. I always feel like people are putting it on."

Having their first fake orgasm?

"It's a bizarre thing in my head. I know they really like me, but I can't really take it seriously. When I'm onstage, and it's working, I feel like I can do absolutely anything. I feel as though there's no limit, even in the sense that I could fall asleep if I felt like it, because I'm that relaxed. I feel much more comfortable on stage than walking down the street. I could go off into a corner and do a crossword or shave my head. I feel ridiculously relaxed. I really enjoy the power of being onstage. It's to do with the circuit of the flow between the audience and you, when it's an audience willing you to be good. Your own power is an expression of how the audience is feeling, but I can't say I ever feel sexual, even if it looks that way. I think that to call the power purely sexual is to belittle it. When I've been to incredible gigs, it hasn't been a sexual thing, it has been something far more magical than that. "

Brett and Osman came to London in the mid 80s to study, respectively, architecture and politics at UCL and LSE. Suede began after they placed an ad in the NME in 1989, but initial concerts had audiences shouting "Fuck off!", critics calling them effete wankers and record companies running for the hills - a three-pronged invitation to eat shit and die that would have spelt the end for most bands.

"That X factor that made people despise us," muses Brett, "was something we managed to turn around in our favour. It's like being in love with someone, and exactly the same things you adore about them, completely horrify you when you've fallen out of love. We went away and learnt how to write songs, and came back transformed. And those qualities that originally pissed people off, we transformed into something provocative. I think the fact that we went through all that rubbish was a fucking good thing for us. People forget that the Beatles spent five years in Hamburg. No one would touch them in England, cos everyone thought they were an utter load of shit. They spent five years getting it together, suffering a bit and fighting for it."

A typical lyric from those hard years was Brett's line about "shitting paracetomol on the escalator". When they were recently described as chemically saturated, I had assumed more interesting chemicals were involved.

"That's about pure mundanity, being off your face every night and your staple diet coming from your bathroom cabinet. It's a metaphor for a humdrum life, going up and down the London underground, which I spent five years of my life doing."

In many ways this – Suede's poignant soundtracking of new depression Britain – is their strength. But if they are Her Majesty's equivalent of slackers, it hasn't made America any more amenable to their cause. Indeed, despite Brett's avowed loathing of the British character – "negativity, small-mindedness, lack of faith" – there may well be a Britishness about Suede which prevents America from getting the point.

Brett makes the mistake of quoting a Smiths song to me – something about innocence, fragility and trust – forcing me to point out that American audiences don't want to be trusted with something precious, they want to rock out with their cocks out. Evan Dando may wear a dress and pigtails, but the wider American market is notoriously unkeen on sexual ambiguity. Queen were big in America until the early 80s, when Freddie Mercury started appearing in full clone gear. They never toured America again, and didn't have a single hit until after his death (and then only thanks to Wayne's World). In fact, America's association of guitars and manliness make Suede fundamentally unsuited.

"No!" storms Brett. "I don't think we're fundamentally unmanly. All you have to do is come and watch us live. We're about sexuality, power and emotion, things that everybody feels."

Whether or not America is destined to fall for his Morrissey-meets-Larry Grayson stage persona, Brett's much-aired desire to move to America (and less well-known plan to live in Paris) has, for now, been replaced by a much smaller act of bedouinism.

"I've moved from Notting Hill to Highgate," he announces proudly, "from a fashionable place to a place where you're living in the last century pretty much. I was living in a very small flat in Notting Hill and it was driving me insane, I couldn't write and was being bombarded with nonsense all day long. I needed the peace and quiet, and now I have a bigger flat with a studio room in it and I'm writing quite prolifically. It's more serene, there's more space to think. It's quite a beautiful place, but you do feel like you're living in the last century, like you're some sort of oddity, or in a play. You keep going into these odd characters. But it's a great place."

In person, and despite the affectation of much of his thought processes, Brett Anderson is quite charming. An endearing smile – which seems to hibernate when cameras are around – plays constantly around his face, suggesting shared confidences which, to some extent, he delivers. Like so many people cocooned by over-protective minions, he is refreshingly open and approachable. I like him. But he is deeply shocked and incredulous when I paint a picture of the special treatment afforded him by those he works with.

"They treat me with the respect I deserve," he jokes defensively. "I don't have tea with Lenny Kravitz. My best friend works in a chip shop, and that's why I like it, it's a complete escape. One of the beautiful things about being successful is that it can rub off onto your friends as well. Not fame and all that bullshit – the really brilliant thing about being successful is the self-confidence, the sense of life having a purpose, that life is a wonderful thing. You open the shutters in the morning and the sunshine pours through. That sense of vitality about life can completely rub off on your friends. Sometimes it doesn't, it can go the other way, with friends ignoring you cos they think you don't have time for them, but that never happens with your proper friends."

And yet, engulfed in the sweltering perversity of his peer group, Brett has come to hold some pretty crap views, views that seem utterly irrelevant beyond the borders of saddo indie land. He worries about being thought a sell-out, thinks Suede are radically honest because they admit to having ambition – as if people didn't get over all that bollocks a decade ago – and, worst of all, that people don't talk enough about music in interviews. Oh dear!

But, despite all this, Brett's public image remains unshatterably cool. He exudes waves of sultry, sulky hipness. I feel an urge to know what naff items lurk in the corners of Chateau Anderson, his ownership of which will shock Suede devotees to the core. Brett tells me he's been to see Aladdin, listens to jazz music, likes The Orb and Verve and has just bought the new Shamen single. To prove it, he even does his Mr C impression - "Comin' on like a vibe, y'know!". This won't do at all.

"I like Terence Trent D'Arby," he admits, trying harder. "I think he's really good."

It's good, but it's not right.

"I bought Billy Joel's River Of Dreams album. I like that one."

Aha – as Inspector Clouseau used to say – now we are getting somewhere! What about films?

"No, I've got impeccable taste when it comes to films."

No feature length On The Buses video stashed chez Brett?

"No. I have got Crocodile Dundee."

Bingo and Bullseye! So much for impeccable taste.

"Well, my perennial favourite is Performance," he flusters wildly. "I can virtually quote the whole film from start to finish. And there's a brilliant film which I've just discovered called The Shout, with John Hurt, Alan Bates and Susanna York. It's about a man who has spent years in the Australian bush learning the secrets of the bush doctors coming to this ridiculously reserved Cornish village and turning two people's lives upside down. It's like an animal alive within this village, and when he shouts, everyone within a mile radius dies. If Alan Bates' part had been played by Vincent Price, it would've been laughable, but it's incredibly powerful, one of those great lost films."

It's a nice try, but nothing can erase the impression created by Billy Joel and Crocodile Dundee.

[choices-betch]

Lost on You (Mona x MC): Chapter II

Book: Ride or Die: A Bad Boy Romance Pairing: Mona x MC Warnings: Just cursing. Chapter Description: Mona and Lexi come face to face with the realities of past and present. Notes: I feel like this story is going to be longer than 4 parts, but I have commitment issues so I’m not going to sell my soul to specifics. It’ll be as long as it is lol thank you to all who liked/commented/reblogged my other stories! It’s so validating and drives me to want to write more❤️ let me know if you want to be tagged for future chapters!

Tags:  @maxwellsquidsuit @scarlet-letter-a0114 @whoinvitedalx @zoe6111 @pauclaws

Chapter Song: oh my god - Ida Maria

Chapter II: The only thing to do was go

Lexi laid in bed, staring at her closet...the one housing the yet to be opened mystery gift. It’d been two weeks and she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, but some part of her was afraid to open it. She had been plagued by all the possibilities from the moment she thought she saw a glimpse of Mona at her graduation, but it was impossible. Then she came home to the gift, and it created a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. She didn’t know why; she’d been waiting years for Mona to do some sort of grand gesture, but a bigger part of her was scared about finding that it wasn’t from her. Realistically, how in the hell would she have gotten a gift and handwritten tag from prison? So instead, she avoided.

With a sigh, she threw her covers off and headed to the shower. After getting ready for the day (and another few glances at the gift), she grabbed her belongings and headed out the door, unsure of where she was going but knowing she needed to be away from the reminders that plagued her. She wandered aimlessly down the streets, lost in thought.

It had been a weird two weeks. She’d had positives, of course; graduating, spending some time with her Dad and Riya (who had to do a same day trip due to work). But she’d also slept with a complete stranger then ghosted in the middle of the night to have a complete meltdown, gotten repeatedly, deliriously drunk alone and swiped right on one too many people she regretted in the mornings, and, as always, she was broke and still unemployed. Only now she didn’t have the excuse of being a student.

As Lexi’s existential pondering continued, she ended up downtown, heading into a coffee shop. After six years of an intensive combined law degree program plus volunteer work, she was fairly certain her insides functioned solely on caffeine at this point. She ordered her usual and headed over to the bar to wait, still distracted by questions of when her life became so complicated again. For years things had been slow, predictable. Boring, Lexi mused internally, her brows furrowing. She was beginning to sense a theme of self-destruction when the waters were too calm that hadn’t emerged in years.

Lexi’s name was called at the counter and she grabbed her drink, thanking the barista with a small smile. Right as she turned toward the exit, she came face to face with none other than Jordan.

God, she thought internally as she stared at Jordan wide-eyed, unsure of how to react. Could this day get any worse?

—-

Mona leaned against a tall magnolia tree, scrolling idly through her phone. She looked up every so often, both ensuring she was safely hidden and to give her a good line of vision, but she’d been standing there for at least twenty minutes and was restless.

“This is stupid,” she grunted to herself with a sigh, putting her phone away and folding her arms across her chest. Why was she even here? When she was about to be released she told herself she wasn’t looking back, and that included Lexi. But then she got that stupid letter which forced her to acknowledge that she had hadn’t let go, and that was infuriating. Mona prided herself on not getting attached, on being able to cut out and start over on a whim, and out of nowhere a stupid 18 year old girl messed it all up.

Mona snapped into focus as she saw said stupid 18 year old girl walking down the street, except now she was an educated, 24 year old woman. And still damn gorgeous, Mona mused. Her eyes followed Lexi’s path until there was a safe enough distance to tail her, then Mona set off in the same direction. Mona was fully aware of the creep factor in her behavior, but she justified it by telling herself she was just making sure she was safe; that she was happy. Whatever that meant, at least.

Mona continued walking behind her, growing increasingly irritated at the lack of awareness Lexi had of her surroundings. Mona could have easily grabbed her on so many corners and nobody would have been the wiser, but Lexi always was far too trusting of others’ intentions and naively confident in her ability to defend herself.

As Lexi approached a coffee shop, Mona stood a few stores down, debating on risking being seen in the coffee shop. After Lexi didn’t come out for almost ten minutes, she thought fuck it and gathered her hair, pulled her hood over her head and placed shades on her face before walking in. Thankfully it was moderately full, so she stood out less. Mona ordered an espresso under another alias, scanning the room for Lexi’s face. She found her sitting at a table with another woman, her eyebrows furrowed just slightly as she chewed on the corner of her lip.

Mona grabbed her coffee and sat at a table in the back corner, blowing on it as she watched the profiles of the two women across the shop. Mona had to laugh at herself. It was almost comical how she continued to allow herself to get in giant messes despite spending her every waking moment not getting involved with anything that wouldn’t directly benefit her. And yet here she was. Former her would have risen from the dead to kick her ass.

Mona continued observing and narrowed her eyes, watching Lexi laugh with a bashful look, tucking her hair behind her ear. She remembered that look. It was a look Lexi frequently got around her. Mona frowned; what the hell was she doing? Who had she turned into that she was following a kind-of-ex around in an effort to “check up”? When the hell did she start giving a shit? Thoroughly irritated, Mona grabbed her espresso and hastily exited the shop, pulling off her hood as she got outside and made her way literally anywhere else but there.

—-

Lexi sat across from Jordan at a table in the cafe, wondering why of all places did she have to walk into this coffee shop. She didn’t want to do this now, or ever really, but she supposed she owed Jordan this much.

“So..” Lexi started, fumbling with her cup as a distraction.

“So…” Jordan repeated, “wanna tell me why you bailed?”

“Not really,” Lexi stated bluntly, her eyes widening as she realized she said that out loud. “Sorry...it’s just…”

“Complicated?”

Lexi grimaced and shrugged slightly. “Kind of.”

“Well, lucky for you I am the queen of complicated, so I probably have a solution to your problem.”

Lexi smirked against her will, chewing on her lip and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she contemplated the offer. She hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about it, really. Riya didn’t ever fully understand the complexities of her actions back then, nor the impact of the relationships she formed. It was an unspoken rule that she didn’t speak to her dad about it after she wasn’t needed anymore.

“Were you the secret love child of a handsome Romanian prince and a commoner mother and therefore your ideas of love are completely fucked?”

Lexi stared at Jordan in confusion then snorted in laughter, covering her mouth. “How many cheesy romance novels have you read in your life?”

“I had to suffer through my mother’s recollection of her Norah Roberts books,” she joked. “Nah but seriously, what’s the deal?”

Lexi started to reply when a flash of black caught her eye. Her stomach and face fell simultaneously, her immediate thought wandering to Mona. She had absolutely no reason to think that could possibly be her, but something in her gut…

“Lexi? You okay?”

Lexi shook herself out of her thoughts and immediately began grabbing her things. “Yeah...yeah, sorry, I...I have to go. I’m so sorry. I’ll...I’ll talk to you later, I swear.”

Lexi ran out of the coffee shop, leaving a bewildered Jordan behind. She looked around frantically, panic building in her chest. What the hell is wrong with me? She walked briskly to the corner of the street, looking every which way again for a figure in black to no end. Lexi snarled in frustration, startling a few people passing her at the corner. She ran her hands down her face and focused on her breathing to gain composure, then headed back home. Clearly she was not meant to be out today.

—-

Mona had no idea where she was headed when she left the coffee shop in a hissy fit, but eventually she stopped walking and caught her breath, scowling at how out of shape she was. TV always made prison look so much more active.

With a heavy sigh she once again questioned what in the goddamn hell she was doing. She came all the way to Oklahoma to see Lexi graduate, cryptically left a gift on her doorstep, tailed her on and off for weeks, and now what? She was just going to take off because six years later Lexi wasn’t spending every waking moment thinking of her? That’s what Mona wanted, right? For Lexi to forget her?

Mona scoffed and shook her head at herself, then pulled up directions to Lexi’s address. She was acting like a little bitch, and Mona did not bitch out of things. With a new determination she headed toward Lexi’s place, hoping she’d beat her there.

As luck would have it, Mona did beat her there. She perched on Lexi’s doorstep and scrolled through her phone for distraction. Mona never was one for patience, but she was sick of having loose ends.

It didn’t take long for footsteps to approach. Lexi was distracted with her keys, not paying attention to her surroundings, as usual.

“How did you survive 24 years without falling into a manhole?” Mona blurted before rolling her eyes at herself. Real fucking smooth. Lexi dropped her keys and looked up, startled, then the color slowly drained from her face. “Jesus,” Mona muttered, standing up and dusting off her pants. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Haven’t I?” Lexi whispered hoarsely, staring at Mona in shock. How was this possible? Had Lexi gone full on psychotic? Was this a hallucination? Lexi rushed forward without thinking and stomped on Mona’s foot roughly, causing Mona to curse loudly.

“The fuck was that for? Goddamn,” Mona hissed, nursing her foot.

“Making sure I wasn’t going crazy…” Lexi trailed off, the shock of seeing Mona in front of her not having worn off enough to realize the hysteria of her actions.

“I think that ship has sailed, sweetheart,” Mona snorted, still grimacing in pain. “You planning on letting me in? I think I need to elevate my foot thanks to you.”

Lexi stared at her, baffled. Was she serious? For weeks Lexi had thought she was completely losing it, seeing glimpses of what she thought was only her subconscious desires in random places, and now she shows up like nothing? Like the last six years hadn’t happened?

Lexi picked up her keys, still stunned, and unlocked her door, leaving it open behind her as she headed toward her couch and sank down. Mona followed suit, closing the door behind her and sitting a safe distance from Lexi on the couch. Mona took in her surroundings, immediately spotting multiple familiar drawings displayed around the space. If she were a good person she wouldn’t have felt some sort of pride in that, but she never was one for taking the moral high road.

“What are you doing here?” Lexi asked, breaking the silence.

Mona paused, taking a deep breath. “Honestly? Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Mona?”

“Ooh, when’d you get a potty mouth?” Mona teased with a wink. “Hot.”

Lexi’s eyes flashed and Mona smirked, lifting her hands up in a peace offering. She sighed heavily,

“I don’t know, okay? I got your letter and...I guess I just wanted to make sure I didn’t get shot for nothing and you hadn’t ruined your life. Again.”

Lexi gave her a dubious look. “And you couldn’t have done that in a response to the hundreds of letters I sent?”

“Writing isn’t really my forte,” Mona replied with a shrug.

“But leaving unidentified boxes on people's’ doorstep is.”

“Ah yeah, how’d you like it?” Mona inquired with a grin.

“I didn’t open it!” Lexi screeched, throwing her hands in the air. She felt like she was completely losing her mind.

“Well that’s rude,” Mona teased, leaning back. Lexi stared at her wild eyed.

“It’s absolutely infuriating that you’re so calm. You know that, right?”

Mona shrugged. “It’s a special talent.”

Lexi’s nostrils flared as her jaw clenched in anger. If ever she had wanted to smack someone into the next century...

Mona looked away and covered her mouth by pretending to scratch under her nose to avoid further triggering Lexi. She was really trying here, but it was difficult to take her seriously when her face looked like that.

“What do you want me to say, Lexi?” Mona sighed. “I didn’t come here to rehash history—“

“Then why. did. you. come. here.” Lexi interrupted, gaze intense. Mona stared back at her, all traces of humor gone from her face.

“I told you, I wanted to see that I didn’t go to prison for nothing,” Mona replied through gritted teeth. Clearly Lexi didn’t lose her annoying persistence over the years.

“Bull,” Lexi retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. “Be honest or get out.”

“Because I still give a shit, okay?” Mona yelled, her face screwed up into a scowl. “Though I’m really questioning why at this point in time.”

“Why now?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because I’ve spent the last six years of my life writing to a ghost, Mona. I’ve gotten nothing from you, and I’ve just been...stuck for years, and then you show up and want to chat it up like it’s nothing? I don’t understand you!” 

After a tense moment of silence, Mona responded quietly. “I don’t have the answers you’re looking for, Lexi. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m here now.”

Lexi didn’t know how much time had passed since she got home; it could have been ten minutes or three hours, but she was exhausted. Mona took Lexi’s silence as her cue to leave; she wasn’t going to grovel. She said what she came to say, saw what she needed to see, and that was that. She stood up, running her hands up and down her thighs to get some feeling back in them before turning to stare at Lexi intently.

“Look, do what you want with the gift. Keep it, burn it, use it to wipe your ass. I don’t care. Talk to me, or don’t. But stop straddling the lines for once. Make a decision. You have to take a chance on something eventually.”

With that, Mona dropped a slip of paper on the couch - unbeknownst to Lexi - and left, closing the door behind her with a soft click. Lexi sat curled up on the couch in a daze, losing track of time as she got lost in her thoughts. What had Mona meant? Lexi reflected on the last six years of her life, trying to connect the dots; trying to see how many chances she had missed out on, how many times she had held herself back for one reason or another, and she came to the sudden realization that Mona was right. Even after all these years, Lexi still couldn’t figure out what she wanted; always stuck between the past and present, what she knew and what she wanted but never fully invested in anything.

Lexi stood and started toward her bed, but a flash of white in her peripheral caused her to do a double take. A scrap of paper laid where Mona sat. Lexi eyed it for a moment before curiosity got the best of her. She walked to the couch and grabbed it, unfolding it cautiously to find what she assumed to be the name and address of a bar scribbled inside.

Lexi bunched the paper in her hands, standing still for a moment before walking to her closet. She took a deep breath before grabbing the box from the shelf. She sat on her couch and slowly took the lid off, her breath catching as she looked at the contents. She pulled it out, her fingers running down the plastic protecting the cover of a first edition print of On The Road by Jack Kerouac. Her eyes welled with tears and she closed them, memories flooding back to her.

“God‍‍, do you ever do anything outside of school?” Mona said with exasperation as she entered the game room in the garage, plopping down on the couch next to Lexi and eyeing Lexi’s book. “I mean, aside from jacking luxury cars.”

Lexi rolled her eyes and smirked. “This is purely for fun, rest assured.”

“Nerd,” Mona teased, throwing her feet up on the arm of the couch and resting her head on Lexi’s lap. Lexi paused, blinking at her a few times as Mona grinned in response.

“Uh...do you mind?”

“Not at all,” Mona quipped, settling in further. “Hey, you’re pretty comfortable.”

“Thanks,” Lexi replied sarcastically and rolled her eyes, as if her heart wasn’t beating double time at the contact. Comfortable silence ensued as Lexi went back to reading, Mona still resting her head on Lexi’s lap as she stared at the ceiling.

“Why that book for pleasure?” Mona questioned. Lexi sighed softly, thanking for a moment before shrugging.

“I guess...freedom? I don’t know. I felt trapped for so long. Like I had no idea what I was doing or what my life was supposed to be about. It was nice to escape...to think about exploring what life has to offer, being spontaneous, careless...”

“More careless than being involved in a street gang?” Mona retorted with a raised brow. Lexi flicked Mona’s hair teasingly, earning her a scowl in response. Silence enveloped the room once again and Mona closed her eyes as Lexi went back to reading. Mona hesitated a moment, second guessing self-disclosure as she always did, but maybe she wasn’t as safe as she thought.

“It’s one of my favorites, too.”

Lexi held the book to her chest for a moment before placing the book back inside the box and setting it on her coffee table. She jumped up, walked determinedly to her closet and began grabbing clothes; she was going to be spontaneous and carefree without reservation for once.

[khrsecretvalentine]

KHR Summer Exchange 2019 for @khrkin

Notes: KHR Secret Summer Holidays 2019! For Fran (@khrkin), who asked for terrible comedy and found-family (and 1827, which I unfortunately didn’t manage, sorry ;o;). 

 From @kyogre-blue to @khrkin

~.~.~ 

  The Special Investigation, Containment, and Discipline Committee, Namimori branch, was supposed to investigate, contain and punish supernatural crimes — hauntings, possessions, curses, use of magic in illegal affairs, as well as monster attacks. Ghostbusters, pseudo government version, basically. Sawada Tsunayoshi, terrified out of his mind, had received a full course of training on all those things during new hire orientation… the “orientation” that was just a shaky home-made video and a powerpoint slide with clipart zooming onto the screen. 

  Anyway, apparently all those scary things did exist. 

  However, dealing with them… was not what they actually did, day to day. In his three months at the Committee, Tsuna hadn’t seen a single supernatural thing outside of his coworkers. 

  He had seen a distressingly high number of stalkers, serial killers and scammers though. 

“Don’t worry, Tsuna-kun!” Sasagawa Kyoko, the secretary, receptionist and nanny of the team, comforted him when he tried to bring up the subject. “It’s summer now, and we’ll have more real work. Summer is the season for seances and ghost stories, after all. That’ll stir up the spirits. Lots of people going exploring too, in all kinds of places, waking up all kinds of things… I’m sure it’ll pick up soon!” 

  That wasn’t comforting. 

  …Let’s start at the beginning. 

  Sawada Tsunayoshi, also known as Dame Tsuna, age 18, had completely bombed every university entrance exam he’d taken — as expected. His middle school crush Kyoko found him crying behind the school building on graduation day, completely without future prospects. With the kindness that had made him fall for her in the first place, she gave him her handkerchief and listened to his sobbed complaints. 

  “It’s okay, Tsuna-kun,” she said, after he calmed down. “I know a place that’s always looking for people!” 

  That place was the Special Investigation, Containment, and Discipline Committee, Namimori branch. 

  Kyoko and her brother Ryohei had been recruited after they ended up involved in a supernatural incident. It wasn’t a kind of “you know about us, so now you must join” thing. They could have forgotten all about it and gone home to their normal lives. Although the Committee did not have anything as nice as actual memory alteration, they did have a substance that could blur recent memories, which was given to most witnesses. 

  Ryohei refused. Punching ghosts or whatever was apparently too exciting. And Kyoko followed his lead. 

  Frankly speaking, Tsuna hadn’t really believed in this stuff. He figured that this was the designated ‘loser’ group that was changed with wild goose chases and hoaxes — someone had to deal with the citizens calling in hauntings and such, after all, even if it all turned out to be squeaky windows and leaking pipes in the end. 

  Most importantly, it was a job that didn’t care about his qualifications and didn’t require any competence test. As long as he could escape being an unemployed waste upon society, Tsuna would take anything. 

  He… did not expect his boss to beat him up on the first day, or one of his coworkers to have a shape-shifting bamboo sword that could cut through sheets of solid steel. Or the weird foreign kid, who might have been a coworker but Tsuna wasn’t sure, to be able to generate lightning out of nowhere. Or his other, other coworker who may or may not have been possessed. 

  But it was still a job. Tsuna would take anything, including all that. 

  The current job market was scarier than any ghost. 

  …Probably. Final judgement pending actually seeing a ghost. 

~.~.~ 

  Just as Kyoko said, summer was the season of ghost stories and seances. What this meant was that the police, the fire department and sometimes even government agencies that didn’t like naming themselves would transfer over cases from concerned citizens who were absolutely sure they were being haunted by the spirit of their great-grandfather, a jilted office lady who hung herself at the abandoned building a block over, or a famous serial killer. (Why did people like trying to call up the ghost of Jack the Ripper so much anyway?) 

  Kyoko and Yamamoto, the only two employees with basic social skills, were on the phone without rest, using their friendliest, most soothing voices. Meanwhile, Tsuna and Ryohei were given links to videos of exorcism ceremonies and some very realistic looking Shinto priest robes, sewn up by their intern Haru. Thus equipped, they became… con artists on a government salary. 

  Gokudera had also been offered a costume, but he insisted on trying to prove the concerned citizens’ worries unfounded through the power of science — even if Gokudera’s idea of science included “energy fields” that could not be detected by modern instruments, which left “imprints” that carried an “echo of the deceased’s biopatterns” blah blah, and other things that sounded no less creepy than just calling it a haunting. 

  Gokudera’s success rate dropped to an all new low, along with his salary. 

  It was the usual combination of dumb job and crazy coworkers, just in sweltering heat. 

  And then, Tsuna tried to perform an… exorcism (scam) at the new Nonohana Building downtown. 

  The building had been suffering from a number of creepy rumors, which came to a head when several bored employees had a few too many drinks after working overtime, did a seance (of course), and then ended up in the hospital one by one after mysterious accidents (of course). 

  “Na-mo-ta-mo-ra-su-ro…” Tsuna chanted pure nonsense while walking through the motions roughly approximating an exorcism. The paper ropes at the end of his stick rustled as he swung it back and forth. Nearby, the building owner and several other figures in business suits watched with expressions ranging from worry to desperate hope to outright boredom. One of them was filming with her cellphone. Tsuna sweated a little more than usual, under the heavy priest robes. 

  Thankfully, he didn’t trip this time — that was always hard to explain away. 

  The air felt a little strange, as Tsuna knelt and completed the fake exorcism. And his stick — currently serving as a scam prop with paper ropes tied onto it, but in actuality a collapsible nightstick he had been given as self-defense weapon — was almost uncomfortably hot in his hand. It made him hesitate and get up only slowly. 

  Before he could lift his head, the nearby peanut gallery gasped collectively. When Tsuna looked at them, they were all staring at something on the high wall of the lobby, behind the reception desk. 

  Tsuna turned. 

  “Hiiiiieeee—!” 

  There was dark red, blood-like substance flowing down the smooth surface of the wall. There was no indication where the hopefully-not-blood came from, as it seemingly appeared out of nowhere several dozen feet up. It didn’t flow straight down like a proper rust stain either. The red smears thickened and thinned, and curved — into what looked entirely too much like writing. 

  PAY 

  PAY 

  PAY

  —It said. 

  “M-Mr. Sawada!” the building owner whimpered. “Wh-what…” 

  Tsuna also did not know what. With trembling hands, he fumbled through his robes and pulled out his cellphone, hitting the speed-dial for the office. 

  The call did not go through. What came from the speaker was instead an almost cliche horror movie mix of sounds — a screech, static, and a long moan-like clicking. The screen flickered and showed Tsuna’s wallpaper, only to glitch and twist until there was something like the shadow of a screaming face among the pixels. 

  Tsuna wanted to pass out. He really, really wanted to pass out. 

  His terrified shrieking — as well as that of the gathered businessmen — was drowned out by the clatter of the storm shutters descending across all the lobby windows. The suited clients, er, concerned citizens scattered, running in several directions in a futile bid to find some way out of the lobby that was suddenly in lockdown. Tsuna’s legs trembled too much to follow them. 

  It was suddenly the real deal?! Unfair! Illegal!! 

  …Hauntings were, in fact, illegal. They had rules about them. Tsuna couldn’t remember them now, but they were definitely in the rulebook. (He had thought it was kind of funny at the time, but he definitely couldn’t laugh about it anymore.) 

  “Mr. Sawada! Mr. Sawada, do something!” one of the suits wailed, suddenly grabbing onto him. 

  Do something? Like what?! 

  The lights flickered disconcertingly, taking on a red glow. There was the sound of static and an air raid siren echoing across the lobby, almost loud enough to drown out the sobbing and the screaming. 

  Between the half-light, darkness, and eerie red backlight, a figure appeared near the blocked off doors. Shapeless under a swathing cloak, it turned slowly toward those that had been pawing hopelessly at the shutters, prompting a new round of screaming. 

  Now, there was even a… ghost? Grim reaper? 

  Tsuna was so terrified that he mostly just felt numb. 

  Some of the other businessmen had been frantically pounding the elevator button up, and their prayers were unexpectedly answered. With a quiet ding that was almost drowned out by the chaos — why were there sounds of thunder?! — the thick doors slid open, and blessed, pale light flooded out of the elevator cabin. 

  Everyone who hadn’t been standing by the elevator rushed toward it. Those that had been already there tumbled inside like knocked over bowling pins. The suit who had been clinging to Tsuna followed suit, dropping him like last season’s designer boots and sprinting toward the salvation elevator with a speed that belied his impressive salaryman drinking belly. 

  Naturally, Tsuna very much wanted to follow. But when he tried to do so, still staring fixedly at the cloaked apparition slowly approaching, the hem of Haru’s carefully sewn robes tangled his legs. 

  With a yelp, he splattered across the polished floor. His attempts to either scramble to his feet or just scramble away on all fours were impeded by those same robes, leaving Tsuna faceplanting a few more times. The cloaked figure approached slowly but unrelentingly. 

  “Hiiiieee—! S-s-stay away!” Tsuna squealed. 

  In pure, mind-numbing panic, he threw his baton at it. 

  What happened next could only be considered an act of providence, proof of the divine — or that the universe had a terrible sense of humor. Tsuna’s aim was and had always been atrocious. He really couldn’t even hit the broad side of a gym. 

  And yet, with a dull thud, the nightstick planted solidly into the center of the ominous figure’s hooded… head? It bounced off and clattered away somewhere in the shadows, but Tsuna had no mind to care about that. 

  Along with the ability to aim, he also lacked any sort of arm strength, so logically, getting hit by something he threw should have not been worth noting. But the cloaked figure swayed and, unbelievably, toppled over into a heap of fabric and… limbs? 

  Legs in jeans and sneakers, completely normal-looking arms… With the cloak bunched up carelessly, the true nature of the ‘menacing figure’ was revealed. 

  The lights were still flickering, there was still a horror movie soundtrack of noises echoing through the lobby, and the exits were still all blocked. But Tsuna didn’t have the mood to ‘appreciate’ that any longer. Slowly and carefully crawling over, he used two fingers to pull back the hood of the cloak. Beneath was… the face of a completely ordinary young man, maybe a couple years older than Tsuna. 

  “Oh, Madam President, isn’t that your youngest?” the suit, who had clung to Tsuna and then heartlessly abandoned him, had come back and peered over his shoulder with interest. 

  Tsuna had a truly annoying premonition. 

  In a while, they would indeed confirm that this young man was the building owner’s youngest son, skilled with computers and going through a rebellious phase. Since this building was quite modern, everything was controlled through electronic systems. Painting something invisible on the wall to leave an outline for the rust-colored liquid to fill was also simple, if you were creative. He had apparently planned to lock all the executives, their assistants and Tsuna in the elevators for a while to give them a good scare, then let them out without too much harm. 

  So basically, a horror-themed family dispute, the kind of thing no one even wanted the cops to be involved in, much less some dubious government committee. 

  …There were actual hauntings, zombie outbreaks, and monster attacks out there. Tsuna had been assured of this point. 

  However, this was not one of them. 

  ~.~.~

  It was late night, and the Committee office had been slowly emptying. Even Kyoko was already packing up. Before heading out, she stopped by Tsuna’s desk, where he was mournfully pecking away at a report regarding the latest joke of an incident. 

  He was mourning his overworked brain, his lost youth and innocent dreams, and also his sore eyes from staring at the computer screen for so long. At least this incident had been minor enough that only Deputy Chief Kusakabe would be checking his report, not the actual Chief. Reports to the Chief had to be written with a brush. 

  “Don’t stay too late, Tsuna-kun,” Kyoko said, patting his shoulder kindly. “You can finish in the morning.” 

  “Deputy Chief said it has to be in his inbox first thing tomorrow,” Tsuna said gloomily. 

  Kyoko’s lips pursed disapprovingly. “For such a minor incident? He’s just giving you a hard time because you’re new,” she said, huffing. “We should make a complaint!” 

  “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Tsuna assured her quickly. “It’s just so that I learn the ropes!” He appreciated Kyoko’s willingness to stand up for him — truly worthy of his first crush — but this level of… what couldn’t even be called hazing wasn’t even worth mentioning, for someone who had been thoroughly bullied all through his school years. This was just actually doing his work, not having his shoes hidden or his books torn up or anything like that. 

  “…Well, okay,” Kyoko conceded after a moment. “But tell me if it gets too much, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

  “See you tomorrow!” 

  Once she had stepped into the elevator, drops sliding shut behind her, Tsuna let his waving hand drop and slumped in his not very comfortable office chair with a groan. 

  He had always received abysmal scores in composition, but this was far from Tsuna’s first time writing a mission report, so it wasn’t like he didn’t know what to do. Even if there remained a 50-50 chance that Deputy Chief Kusakabe would send it back to him for corrections, that was still an improvement over his previous 4 out of 5 returned as unacceptable. 

  Tsuna was really just dragging his feet and procrastinating too much, partly out of embarrassment. He had actually gotten caught up in that prank and believed it. None of the others would have fallen for it, he bet. But mostly, it was taking so long out of boredom. Writing reports… was really boring. 

  Sighing, he sat up and went back to typing. 

  Half of the lights in the office had automatically turned off once the motion sensors no longer picked up anyone around. With almost all staff done for the day, the only sounds were the clicking of keys from Tsuna’s desk — and muffled cursing from Gokudera’s, where he was supposed to be working on his own report, along with a formal apology to the owner of the construction site he’d blow up instead of ‘exorcising’. 

  Tsuna had already been almost done anyway, and once the main recounting of events was done, the more formulaic closing sections came to him with the ease of practice. 

  His head snapped up in surprise at the sound of an office chair skittering back. Not his chair — Gokudera’s. 

  His coworker stalked around the row of desks with a scowl and a slouch that any delinquent would have been proud of. With the Chief absent, Gokudera had even dared to wear his regulation black suit unbuttoned, with his tie pulled loose. Frankly speaking, he terrified Tsuna only slightly less than Chief Hibari and Chrome in one of her kufufu moods, so Tsuna made every effort to remain very still, in hopes of being overlooked. 

  No such luck. It was precisely his desk that Gokudera shambled his way over to, and when Tsuna failed to look at him in a timely manner, he kicked snappishly at the legs of his chair. 

  “Hey, new kid!” Gokudera barked. 

  “Y-yes!” Tsuna spun around, spine ramrod straight and his gaze somewhere to the left of Gokudera’s head. 

  Unexpectedly, a phone was thrust at him, making Tsuna fumble as he tried to take it, missed, and finally clutched it in his sweaty paws. “This is… my phone?” he realized. How did Gokudera manage to get it? Tsuna thought he might have left it on his desk, or maybe in his bag, or… Well, he wasn’t sure where he’d left it, but he hadn’t handed it over. 

  “Getting hacked by some amateur, that’s just embarrassing,” Gokudera grumbled. Sticking out his lower lip in a way that was probably meant to be intimidating but would be more sullen to anyone except Tsuna, he looked off somewhere to the side and rubbed the back of his neck. “I put in some actual security for yah. And a couple sensors for fluctuations in od, in case you finally manage to run into some actual deviations in ambient true energy.” 

  “Like a ghost sensor?” Tsuna guessed, mostly because he wasn’t sure what else Gokudera could be talking about. 

  “Don’t call it something so unscientific!” 

  “Hiieee! Yes! Yes!” Tsuna squeaked, ducking his head and trying to hide behind his newly modified phone as Gokudera snapped at him. 

  Clicking his tongue irritably, Gokudera turned and shambled away, perhaps back to his own report and apology letter that were still waiting for him. He was exceptionally brilliant, Tsuna was aware, so a few updates to a phone wouldn’t take him long, but the fact that he had taken the time to do it… 

  Tsuna smiled down into his lap, fiddling with the device. 

  “Th… thank you, Gokudera-kun,” he mumbled. 

  His didn’t have the guts to raise his voice, but in the quiet, empty office, there was no doubt Gokudera heard him. 

  ~.~.~

  Sasagawa Ryohei and Yamamoto Takeshi returned the next day, making the office much livelier. Ryohei had been on helping look into recurring disappearances of hikers on the ominously named Death Mountain, while Yamamoto had been sent to the beach regarding a supposed sea monster attack. 

  Both of those definitely sounded like better assignments, so it was no wonder the more senior agents snatched them up. …That being said, Tsuna was aware that his pathetic stamina and physical capabilities wouldn’t have been up to running around in the mountains, or even out in full sun on the beach. Ryohei and Yamamoto, being sports club types, were far more suited to those kinds of missions. 

  “So was it a real one this time?” Kyoko asked when she stopped by her brother’s desk that morning. Since it wasn’t a private sort of conversation, naturally everyone listened in. 

  “Nah,” Ryohei waved one hand wrapped up in bandages like always. “They all just kept getting lost to the extreme. Only thing out there was piles of beer bottles. I made a few groups help cleanup, and since they all made it back, everyone calmed down about the place.” 

  Kyoko laughed, bright and cheerful. Tsuna, two desks away, sighed. Typical for their office, really. 

  Pushing off from his desk, Yamamoto rolled over in his chair. He spun around to face them smoothly and said with a grin, “Mine was real.” 

  “Oh!” Kyoko gasped excitedly, and even Gokudera, who detested Yamamoto fiercely, leaned closer to listen in. 

  Yamamoto’s smile widened as he began to narrate. “There really was a sea monster, tentacles and everything. It was a kind of mutant octonus thing, but also with lobster pincers. It swallowed a bunch of people and a few boats, and when it spit them out, they were covered with goo… very gross.” 

  “Mutation? From pollution? Radiation?” Gokudera muttered to himself. 

  “It’s good that it spit them out,” Kyoko said. “Were they okay?” 

  “Oh yeah, they were fine,” Yamamoto said. “I mean, grossed out, but fine. It turns out… somebody dropped an ice cream cone into the water, and it really liked the taste, so it was looking for more. Once it figured out where to look, it mostly just kept eating ice cream trucks…” 

  Kyoko laughed again, but Tsuna could only groan internally and palm his face. 

  Really? A real life monster, and it just… wanted ice cream? Why was his job like this? Why was the world like this? Ice cream?! What about the hunger for human flesh! What about revenge against mankind! What about invasion of the sea dwellers! Manga had lied to him!!

  Even when the monsters were real, the cases were still ridiculous. 

  …Well, at least he was getting paid. The benefits were also good. 

  Their gossip time came to an abrupt end as Yamamoto spotted something behind them and quickly sat up straight, his expression serious and professional. A quick glance confirmed — it was Deputy Chief Kusakabe, coming over from Chrome’s… office, or maybe cell, Tsuna wasn’t clear. In the presence of an authority figure, everyone quickly turned to their desks and computers, trying to project an image of productivity and focus. 

  Their attempts weren’t very good, but Kusakabe didn’t seem to notice. He wasn’t like the Chief anyway. Although he was certainly stern, he had always been patient with Tsuna’s many, many, many screw ups. 

  Trailing behind him was Chrome. Tsuna blinked in surprise — it was rare for her to leave her area. 

  “Sasagawa,” the Deputy Chief called out. “Your status?” 

  “Yes! I’m extremely good!” Ryohei sounded off without hesitation. “Ready to go any time!” 

  Kusakabe nodded. “Good, then come along,” he said. “The rest of you, don’t take any cases today. Stay at the office and hold down the fort. I will contact you if the situation changes.” 

  He didn’t explain what that meant, walking off quickly with Chrome and Ryohei in tow. When the Deputy Chief’s figure vanished into the elevator, Tsuna glanced at the others. “W… what situation?” he wondered. “What was that all about?” 

  “Are you dumb? There must be something big going down, if the Deputy’s taking Dokuro out,” Gokudera said snappishly. 

  “Sounds like it,” Yamamoto agreed, somewhat pensively. Agreeing with Gokudera earned him a sharp glare. “And we’re on standby, so I guess we should be ready to help, if it comes to that.” 

  The earlier cheerful gossip mood had all but dissipated, and everyone began to turn back to their tasks with a lingering sense of tension, even as Kyoko quietly wondered whether to let Lambo know. Tsuna cursed internally. With the current state of things, Deputy Chief Kusakabe had almost certainly had no time to read his report. If he’d know it would be like this, he wouldn’t have bothered staying late yesterday to finish it! 

  ~.~.~ 

  The weather recently had been sunny and very suitable for summer, but by afternoon, thick gray clouds had overtaken the sky and wind battered in strong gusts against the windows. Although it was still early, typhoon season had begun. 

  After lunch, Kyoko read out the weather forecast. “Meteorologists were taken off guard by the sudden appearance of the storm front rolling onto the Kanto coast…” she said distractedly, her eyes skimming the text on her screen. “Expected to make landfall around sunset… Category is not yet determined… I’d say we should head home a little early to make sure we’re not caught out in the storm, but with the way things are… what should we do?” 

  The Special Investigation, Containment, and Discipline Committee, Namimori branch, wasn’t a large group to begin with. With the Chief, the Deputy Chief and even Ryohei out, everyone left was about the same age and with little difference in seniority. When it came to making a decision, they could only exchange uncertain looks, no one willing to take on the responsibility. 

  After about a minute of silence, Kyoko accepted that there would be no answer. “Okay,” she said. “Deputy Chief didn’t say we needed to stay late, and we don’t have a night shift to begin with, so let’s have one person stay until closing, and everyone else can head home early. Who lives closest?” 

  Ah, Kyoko-chan really was amazing, Tsuna thought. 

  “Probably me,” he volunteered. “I can stay.” 

  It was summer, so it wasn’t like sunset was at all close to the normal end of business. It would be windy, but he’d make it home fine. 

  …Or so Tsuna told himself while foolishly smiling at Kyoko. Things like logic and actual thinking were not involved. 

  Since meteorologists had completely failed to predict this storm coming in at all, why did he think they’d be able to predict when it would arrive? By five PM, it was so dark out that the few passing cars needed headlights, even hours away from sunset. The sky was a roiling gunmetal gray. When Tsuna stepped outside, he was nearly blown off his feet by a gust of wind, and his backpack was shoved up so hard that it hit the back of his head. 

  Stumbling along with a series of yelps lost on the wind, he managed to grab hold of a lamp post and clung for dear life. 

  There was no one else out on the streets, because every other person in Namimori had more sense than Tsuna. Aaah, why did Kyoko-chan’s smile have to be so cute and wonderful? Why did he have to go and try to act all reliable? Bemoaning his own foolishness, Tsuna squinted against the wind and tried to get his bearings. There was nothing to do but hug the buildings and stagger off in the direction of the train station. 

  However, Tsuna only made it a block over before a hand clamped onto his shoulder and he was suddenly dragged into a narrow alley between buildings. 

  “Hiiiiee! Take my wallet! Take my bag! Take anything, just don’t kill me!” he started begging immediately, throwing his arms over his head and cringing away. 

  But the presumed mugger, or maybe human trafficker, or maybe serial killer made no demands and didn’t hit him. After several long moments of silence, Tsuna dared to peek out, trembling. 

  What greeted him was infinitely more terrifying than a petty crook. Or a human trafficker. Or a serial killer. 

  It was his boss. 

  “Ch-Ch-Chief!” Tsuna stuttered helplessly. 

  Hibari Kyoya stared at him with the same blank coffin face as always, somehow still faintly exuding an aura of violence and murder. Unlike usual, his suit jacket was missing, and his tie was askew. He was also soaked, even though it hadn’t started raining yet. 

  “Phone,” Hibari ordered sharply. As Tsuna scrambled to obey, he added, “Call Kusakabe.” 

  “Y-yes! Right away, sir!” Tsuna blurted out, fumbling as he went through his pockets. Where had he put it? Oh, he better not have lost it. He’d be losing his life next… 

  Fortunately, his work phone turned up before Chief Hibari could lose his temper and give him another beating that was precisely short of putting him in the hospital. This was, Tsuna felt distantly aware, completely illegal and abuse of an innocent subordinate. But even Deputy Chief Kusakabe had just said it was “training,” and since Tsuna only saw the Chief once a month at most, it was still preferable to… shudder, returning to the job market. 

  It was only with his phone in hand that Tsuna realized it was continually beeping and vibrating as some kind of alarm went off. Given the juvenile punk font of the notification on his screen, Tsuna could guess this was Gokudera’s ghost sensing app. 

  He couldn’t tell how its metrics are supposed to work, but the weird typeset certainly looked threatening. It was also annoyingly hard to dismiss. 

  “J-just a moment, sir!” Tsuna squeaked, darting a nervous glance at Hibari. 

  The Chief was no longer paying him any mind. Hibari’s attention was on the main street outside their little back alley, and his expression was subtly furrowed. “Hurry up,” he ordered shortly, lifting up one of his tonfas. The other was notably absent, along with his belt and one of his cufflinks. “It’s here.” 

  …What was? 

  Down the street, a manhole cover was suddenly thrown into the air as a geyser of water burst up from underground. Then another, and another, and another, geysers burst up one after another, moving down the street — toward them. 

  “W-what the…” Tsuna muttered, staring in shock. The phone in his hand blared an alarm, louder and louder. 

  Water was flooding down the street, crashing against the buildings and sweeping away anything that had been left outside. But as the wave rushed past their alley, Chief Hibari inexplicably… lifted his tonfa and struck out at it. 

  The force of his blow parted the water halfway across the street, revealing the asphalt and the painted lanes — and making Tsuna’s eyebrows climb in shock and some horror. He’d known their Chief was strong, but this was just shounen anime levels of ridiculous. Thank goodness he’d apparently held back when beating up Tsuna. Thank you, Chief, you’re so merciful! 

  Something moaned unhappily, and waves twisted around to bear down on Hibari. 

  Great. So it was a water monster. 

  Hahaha… ha…

  Frantically, Tsuna pounded on his phone screen. He could barely tear his eyes away from the spectacle of his boss fighting a wall of water that continually reformed under his devastating attacks, but somehow he finally managed to hit the contacts and the Deputy Chief’s entry. 

  “This is Kusa—”

  “Sir! Sir! Sir! Chief is here! And fighting! And water!” Tsuna wailed without waiting for Kusakabe to greet him. 

  “We’ll be right there,” Kusakabe said with an unnatural degree of calm. Presumably, they could track his phone’s GPS to fight out where ‘here’ was. 

  Tsuna did not pay this or the end of the call any mind. Screeching, he threw himself aside just in time to avoid a lashing water tentacle that struck down the alley. The heavy industrial dumpster which took the hit in his stead was dented into a rough V and was thrown free of where it had been chained down. 

  This was it, the real deal. A real monster or supernatural phenomenon or ghost or whatever. Tsuna’s internal whining about his boring con artist job had finally been answered. 

  And now he was going to die for it. 

  But before the next water whip could turn Tsuna into another rough V shape, Hibari forcefully punted him aside. …Well, no. Despite the pain, all his organs were still intact, so it wasn’t that forceful, really. Ah, Chief, so merciful…

  “Useless!” Hibari barked, but he didn’t have the attention to spare for the glaring that usually accompanied such a pronouncement. Although he was still fighting with relentless intensity, even a useless wimp like Tsuna could see that he was being forced back step by step. 

  Distantly, he considered drawing his own weapon, but really, what good would it do? 

  And in the middle of the chaos, it began to rain. 

  It came down suddenly and heavily, almost blinding Tsuna. And even though the volume of water added shouldn’t have made any difference yet, the wave blocking the alleyway and advancing on Hibari swelled and reared up. 

  ‘Oh no,’ Tsuna thought, just before it crashed down over both of them, completely disregarding Hibari’s last attack. 

  Blub, blub, blub — a few bubbles sprang free before Tsuna managed to clamp his mouth shut. The underwater currents sent him spinning head over heels, and he was vaguely surprised that he hadn’t been thrown into any of the buildings. The alley had been narrow, after all, and despite having lost his bearings, he thought that he had already floated quite a ways. When he tried to pry his eyes open, he couldn’t see anything at all. 

  A pale hand shot out of the dark water and grabbed hold of his jacket collar. 

  It was Hibari. He glared at Tsuna, then twisted — and somehow, in defiance of all laws of physics, hurled him away. Before Tsuna knew what was happening, he shot out from beneath the surface and crashed onto a ledge a couple stories up. Rain was pelting down in full now, driven by gusting winds. Rolling onto his hands and knees, Tsuna scrambled up to the edge and looked down at the flood water that ran along the streets. 

  “Ch… Chief!” he called out. “Chief!!” 

  He needed to do something! But he couldn’t do anything! Tsuna wailed helplessly. 

  With an ear-splitting screech, a car skidded around the corner down the street. It sent sheets of water flying, making Tsuna realize with some surprise that the flooding was not nearly as high as he had expected. It was only just above a person’s knees. Even accounting for a strong current, how in the world could Hibari have been swept away…? 

  Right. Supernatural monster thing. 

  Even before the large black car had jerked to a stop, the rear door was flung open and Chrome, looking tiny and delicate as always, jumped out onto the rainy street. A long trident appeared in her hand — Tsuna felt sure she hadn’t been carrying it inside the car, since how could she have moved so smoothly with it? And then, just as she landed on the wet asphalt, Chrome… turned into a man. 

  Okay. 

  Twirling the trident over his head, guy-Chrome (??) slammed its tail into the pavement, and a shockwave rippled out all the way down the street. 

  The rain was sent flying. The water was sent flying. Tsuna was sent flying, barely managing to stay on his ledge — the fall was the kind that killed normal people. 

  There was a long silence as even the storm was momentarily halted. 

  Then, something landed on top of Tsuna’s head with a wet plunk and bounced off. It wasn’t rain. Left wiggling helplessly on the ledge was a single ordinary goldfish. 

  It wasn’t single for long. A veritable torrent of goldfish soon followed it down, covering the entire street in piles of flopping little bodies. The largest pile stirred, and Hibari rose up out of it, looking particularly murderous and also entirely too threatening for someone with fish in his hair. 

  “Kufufufu,” guy-Chrome laughed mockingly. “No need to thank me, ‘Chief’. How could I possibly leave you to struggle on your own with just your meager power? Kufufu…” 

  Tsuna’s first thought that guy-Chrome clearly wanted to die very much, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Without giving Hibari a chance to brutally murder him, guy-Chrome swiftly turned back into normal Chrome, his creepy laughter still echoing in the air. Chrome looked at the Chief wide-eyed, clutching the trident’s shaft to her chest. 

  Hibari, waist-deep in goldfish and under the pleading stare of a cute girl, gritted his teeth and, kicking his way free, stalked toward Kusakabe, who had emerged from the large black car’s driver’s seat. 

  “Deal with this,” he ordered Kusakabe, passing by Chrome without a look at her and stepping into the still open rear door of the car. The car door slammed shut behind him. 

  Then, it opened again, and Ryohei was unceremoniously flug out, followed by another slam. 

  Wordlessly, Kusakabe pulled out his cellphone and began to make arrangements. 

  Clearing his throat, Tsuna called out, “Um… Excuse me? Could someone… help me get down?” 

  ~.~.~ 

  The next day, the Chief did not come in and the Deputy Chief was away as well, probably handling some kind of cleanup and explanations to their superiors. Regardless, the office gossip circle reconvened with impunity. 

  “It’s so sad,” Kyoko sighed. “Those poor fish… I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to look at those festival stalls the same way again.” 

  It turned out that the water monster, which drew in a storm and flooded several locations across Namimori, had been created out of the accumulated resentment of all the goldfish that had been flushed down toilets over the years. Many of them had come from the summer festivals and the traditional dish scooping booths. Kids and couples and who knows who else would win themselves a goldfish in a bag, only to realize they didn’t actually want one after they got home. 

  So down the toilet the fish would go, and its little resentful goldfish spirit would haunt the sewers, schooling together with its countless wronged brethren. Until they had enough to make an entire monster. 

  Tsuna didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

  “Hahaha… yeah, same,” Yamamoto agreed. “I’m just sad I missed it. But hey, good on Sawada for having his first real encounter, huh? So how was it? Exciting?” 

  “Uh… I wouldn’t really call it that,” Tsuna said. “Did you think it was exciting, when you had your first, uh, encounter?” 

  “Yeah! It was great!” Yamamoto said, laughing. 

  Uncharitably, Tsuna enforced the ‘crazy adrenaline junky’ label in his mind. He’d suspected as much. After all, Yamamoto was good looking, popular, and talented. Why else would he stay at this kind of job? 

  “Did you even do anything?” Gokudera asked dubiously. 

  “I… called Deputy Chief Kusakabe?” Tsuna said, thinking for a moment. “I think Chief lost his own phone, so we had to use mine.” 

  “That’s good!” Kyoko encouraged. “The first I went out on a case I just got kidnapped…” She laughed self-deprecatingly. 

  Feeling daring after facing death by monster the day before, Tsuna patted her on the shoulder and offered her a smile in return. “Let’s work hard,” he suggested. 

  “Yeah!” Kyoko agreed brightly. 

  The warm glowey feeling of camaraderie sustained Tsuna through the day and writing this time’s incident report, which was more nerve-wracking than usual, given the need to avoid putting anything that might make the Chief look not absolutely terrifying and invincible. Tsuna felt he did pretty good at that, so it was utterly unfair that the Chief appeared anyway, as if summoned by the mere thought of him. 

  Instead of striding straight from the elevator to his office like usual, looking neither left nor right as if his minions, er, employees didn’t even exist — which was how both sides preferred it — Hibari paused mid-step and took a sharp turn, heading for Tsuna’s desk. 

  Tsuna watched him approach in mute shock. So did everyone else. It was only when Hibari came to a stop slightly further than necessary from him that Kyoko, Yamamoto, Gokudera and Ryohei remembered to snap their heads away and furiously pretend to be busy and not eavesdropping with their ears pricked. 

  Naturally, Tsuna wanted to turn away too, but he didn’t dare. Jumping to his feet, back ramrod straight, he saluted instead. “Ch-Chief!" 

  He also didn’t dare to ask what Hibari wanted. 

  The silence stretched on. 

  ”…You,“ Hibari said finally. 

  "Yes!” Tsuna sweated intensely. 

  “Are you quitting?" 

  The question was blunt and simple, but also so unexpected that Tsuna only stared at his boss in confusing. "Am I being fired…?” he wondered. 

  “No,” Hibari said. 

  “Um,” Tsuna said. “Then… also no…?” 

  The Chief pinned him with an unreadable (terrifying) look for far too long, before finally nodding sharply. “Good,” he allowed. It was glowing praise for Hibari, and Tsuna had no idea what to do with it. Turning on his heel, his boss strode away just as abruptly as he had come, leaving Tsuna feeling like he’d managed to escape death — as usual. 

  “Great job, Tsuna-kun!” Kyoko said, giving him a thumbs up. He returned it numbly. 

  “Yeah, great job! You didn’t ditch like the last three new guys!” Yamamoto said. Rolling over, he threw an arm over Tsuna’s shoulders. “Now you’re one of us for real!” 

  …Oh! Was that what it had been about? 

  Well, it was true that a normal person would have probably run away screaming after their first encounter with a real supernatural being. Probably, the Committee had lost many recruits that way. Tsuna also… somewhat wanted to run away. 

  But the hazard pay was very high. 

  And, frankly, the monster was still better than a job interview. At least it didn’t stare into his soul and demand, in various ways without pause, that he justify his place in society and his right to exist. 

  Even though it was equal parts ridiculous and terrifying… he thought he just might like this job. 

  ~.~.~

[evanpeaters]

pegleg and lobster boy → 07.19

TIME FRAME: Friday 19th, July. LOCATIONS: World on Wheels, A&E, Los Angeles. DESCRIPTION: Evan and Madelaine decide to go to a disco roller rink, fully dressed up in 80′s gear, but things don’t go to plan.

@madelame-x

Madelaine: The redhead was sad she had to miss the wedding, she really wished she could’ve made it, but she had a commitment to the show and in the end, if someone had to miss it to go to the Convention, Lili was much closer to Saoirse, she’s gladly take the bullet to have her friends go and enjoy themselves while she stuck it out through all the panels. Madelaine loved conventions, she loved getting together with fans, filming content with them and just spending some time there before she either drove back home or retreated herself to the hotel room. Tonight though, it’d be a different kind of Friday night. God even knew how, but one way or the other, she’d flirted enough to get a date with Evan Peters. She’d gone back to LA for the night, figuring she’d wake up early on Sunday and drive to San Diego, so after getting ready in her best 80’s look, she was waiting for him while she munched on some cashew nuts and watched something random on the TV

Evan: Being a free, unemployed man had it’s ups and downs. For the most part, he was incredulously bored and rewatching seasons of shows that he’d never though he’d get to revisit in his life. While on the other hand, it kept him available for when random plans like going to a roller disco with Madelaine Petsch sprung up. He had no idea where he’d plucked the idea out of, only that he knew he needed to make it interesting to warrant the two hour drive for her the next morning. They’d found the perfect one in LA where the aesthetic was heavily based on the 80’s and of course, he was going to take full advantage of that - he was missing out on the 80’s season of AHS, so he’d damn well make up for it now by wearing short-shorts, an old windbreaker jacket and sports socks pulled up. Obviously that came with getting some odd looks as he strolled through the entrance of her housing complex, but he didn’t have it in him to feel any embarrassment. Pulling out his phone, Evan dropped her a text. ‘I’m here now. You better have matched my effort with your outfit, or I’m going to be sending you right back in’.

Madelaine: With her hair all done up to make it as fluffy as possible, a short neon pink short shorts and a crop top with heart shaped sunglasses, Madelaine picked up her tiny backpack and headed downstairs. She got the weirdest looks, but as soon as she laid eyes on Evan, she was pretty sure she wasn’t gonna be the only one turning heads around “All of a sudden, I feel like I’m in a movie” Madelaine said with a laugh as she reached out to greet him with a hug. “You ready for this? I’m putting a disclaimer out there, I’m incredibly clumsy so I’m sorry if I fall on you several times”

Evan: It was easy to spot Madelaine as she emerged, standing out from the others not only due to her outfit, but the way she carried herself. Embracing her back, Evan’s eyes gave her a once over and beamed in approval. “I couldn’t have even imagined you looking any more awesome” He stated in approval, wishing he’d also gone for the headband that he had dismissed as too much. “Is that a warning or a promise? Because I reckon I’ll be just as awful. I’ve never been able to master skateboarding no matter how hard I’ve tried, so I’ll be right down on my ass with you.” Keen to get moving, the actor led the female to the parking lot and clambered into his Landrover, immediately dialing the volume down as he had been blasting some Def Leppard on his way there - a far cry from the disco music they’d soon be surrounded by. The GPS was already programmed into finding the roller rink, and soon enough they were on their way. “You wanna be DJ? Cable’s right here..”

Madelaine: High top All Stars being rocked, she’d never felt more stupid but at the same time, more confident, which really gave her a good feeling about the night. “Thanks, I tried my best with whatever vintage shops had around LA but I’m proud of my look. You don’t look too shabby yourself” She said with a big smile. Walking side by side, Madelaine turned to Evan when he spoke back, laughing a little bit “Oh, well then, let’s just extend a blanket forgiveness for whoever injures the other, sounds good?” She teased. She scaled the step into the Land Rover and sat down, buckling up. “What is that… Give me that!” She pretended to be offended when he started blasting the music. Grabbing the cable, she opened up Spotify into the “All about the 80’s” playlist, Ah-Ha’s ‘Take on Me’ coming in full blast. She started dancing on her seat and chuckling “This is more like it!”

Evan: Now they were both fully warned on how potentially bad each other were going to be at the rink, Evan felt suddenly more reassured. It would’ve been just his luck to suggest something that the other person kicked ass at, while he was left behind, wobbling around. An unapologetic smile was shot over to Madelaine as she protested to his music taste, and he would’ve inflicted more on her just for kicks if he didn’t also have a mutual appreciation for the song she had put on. Wiggling in his seat, Evan tried his best to match her enthusiasm, though driving in LA was admittedly a huge ball ache. Settling on singing along to the playlist instead, Evan only got more and more into it with each surprising new song that came on next. By the time that they were pulling up to a traffic light, 'Hungry Like The Wolf’ was on, and in the car next to them sat a very conventional looking family, the parents looking bewildered and kids bemused as Evan rolled down his window and treated them to the 80’s throwback show.

Madelaine: With her eyes deep into her phone, Madelaine tried to make up a perfect queue with all the fantastic tunes that would match up to their 80’s fantasy. Having spent much of her lifetime stuck in LA traffic, the redhead had lost that habit though ever since she started working in Vancouver for 10 months out of the year. She tried not to get impatient and roll around with the music, stealing random glances from her skating partner, his windbreaker and the genuine smile on his face as he sang along were pulling the most of her attention. Laughing when he rolled the window down, the actress leaned forward and joined the serenade to the family SUV on the other side before the light turned back to green and they had to pull away from their stopping point. The looks on the kids were slightly lost and amused, but the parents were horrified. “How scarred do you think we left those parents?” She joked at him.

Evan: An entertaining car journey partner was always appreciated, so Evan couldn’t have been more thankful for the redhead joining in on their serenade rather than simply rolling her eyes. With one eye on the traffic lights, Evan floored it as soon as they turned back to green, leaving the SUV in their perplexed wake. “I feel like we just took them on a journey back in time to a time their minds forgot because they spent half of it on an acid trip. They’ll have good sex tonight. We did them a favor”. Doing that thing again where his mind drew completely random conclusions and his mouth brought them to life, Evan saw nothing presumptuous at all with his statement, and spent the rest of the journey going back to their vehicle disco. Within another ten minutes, they were pulling into the parking lot, and the male was pleasantly surprised to find it almost full. He’d kind of assumed that roller discos were something time had forgotten, but the beauty of nostalgia and wanting to experience a time you hadn’t fully got to live in clearly kept some customers 'rolling’ in.

Madelaine: Madelaine was about to talk into the beginning of his statement, but she was surprised when he kept on going and drew a full conclusion to the end, making her chuckle and shrug her shoulders a little bit “Maybe they fell in love in an acid trip, maybe they’ll try to re-live it tonight, we may have turned their marriage back into what they felt when they got hitched… We did good, buddy” She said with a small nod and a smile, giving him a clap on the shoulder and a chuckle escaped her throat as she did. The remainder of the drive was spent humming to the music and occasionally rocking out to banging tunes, but when they made it there, Madelaine was pleasantly surprised to see that most of the people were looked out like them “Well this is a party if I’ve ever seen one… Come on, let’s go” She said with a bright smile, all but jumping out of the truck and walking inside with him. Stepping inside the place, she felt a loud booming of the music, turning to look at Evan with a bright smile.

Evan: At least he wasn’t alone in his thought process, it sounded like Madelaine got exactly where he was coming from, and Evan nodded along in agreement. The rink certainly didn’t disappoint as they stepped inside it, the vibe was infectious, and he immediately felt as if they’d made the right call. “Alriiiight.” He exclaimed, excitedly, making a beeline over to the skate rental and trading in his size 10’s. “Aren’t you glad this is the way you’ve chosen to start your weekend off?” And they hadn’t even really got started yet, but he could already tell the day was going to go smoothly.

Madelaine: She could feel her body start to swivel and her feet got a little dancey when they stepped into the place. When he beelined towards the skating place, Madelaine stepped in time behind him and looked around, captivated by the flashing lights and the amazing colors, she looked like a kid in Disney on her first time. Asking for her 6.5 skates, they got handed their pairs and went to sit down on a stool. Slipping the skates on, she couldn’t help but to let out a nervous laugh. She was gonna make such an asshole out of herself, but it was gonna be a fun night. “I absolutely am… As much as I love the con parties, this is… Certainly a better activity” She added. She could’ve gotten vlogging content for her YouTube channel, but this… This was much better.

Evan: didn’t know what it said about him that he was /this/ excited to get out onto the ‘dance floor’, both of them had smiles which threatened to make their jaw ache later, just like everybody else in the place, and the whole atmosphere was infectious. Lacing up his boots, Evan had his on quicker than Madelaine so took it upon himself to get on his knees and lace her second one up. Any time not spent seeing how disastrous they could be was time wasted. Then, he attempted to skate to the rink, the padded flooring making it more of an awkward waddle over there. “Shit, I’m not holding out a lot of hope right now if I’m this awkwardly footed on the non-slippery flooring”, he spoke over his shoulder to Madelaine, flashing her a comic expression before gliding out onto the dancefloor

Madelaine: Long nails and tight laces weren’t really two things that should happen together, nope. The moment the redhead tried to pick the laces from the skating boots to tighten them, she found herself struggling like an idiot, so when Evan knelt down to help her, she picked up her lips in a smile as a quick thank you. The faster she could get this done, the more time they’d spend roller skating… or figuring out how to stay on their feet, actually. Laughing at the way he waddled down the narrow carpet towards the rink, Madelaine tried to calm herself down. He was probably just as awkward as she was, so if anything, this would be more fun than traumatizing. “Hey, I don’t think I’m gonna be much better” She said with a laugh, mimicking his expression. The moment the wheels under her feet touched a slippery surface, she gasped and let out a quiet squeal “Oh God!” Her hands grasped at the railing. Everyone around them looked like either professionals or uncoordinated idiots like them.

Evan: Like with iceskating, it was definitely a wobbly start while you were trying to find your footing - it didn’t help that the last time he had rollerbladed had probably been +10 years ago, but he was a show off at heart, and even though he was just getting re-acquainted with the skates, the actor turned to face Madelaine, rather slowly managing to skate backwards instead. 'Born to Handjive’ from the Grease soundtrack was playing, so he worked his best 'mashed potato’ hand movements until a couple who clearly spent far too much time here sped past, twirling their way across the dancefloor, sending him into a complete wobble. “Show offs”. He mumbled, rolling his eyes over at Madelaine. “How ya doing there, red? Did you uh…is it a personal choice to be travelling at the speed of a baby sloth?”

Madelaine: She wasn’t gonna lie to herself, hell no, Madelaine was terrified. She’d been a dancer for most of her childhood years, where was all that dexterity and capability now, for fuck’s sake! The music was relaxing her, and slow but steadily, she was starting to stop moving herself by gripping the railing and pulling on it to push herself forward, and letting go of it to actually move and shuffle her legs. Laughing at Evan’s failed attempt to dance and his face contorting back to a scowl when he saw the clearly very experienced couple, she couldn’t help it but laugh “Oh my God, shut up, I hate you!” She said with a loud laugh, looking down at her feet, terrified to even move too far away from the railing “Uhm, excuse me, I don’t see you moving all that fast and far away, buddy”

Evan: Glancing around to check the coast was clear of that distracting as heck couple, Evan made his way back over to where Madelaine had managed to…pull herself? “I’m only going this slow so I can stick close to you. You know the drill, never leave a man behind”. Okay, so maybe that was a stretch from the truth. Maybe he hadn’t grown the ability to speed off and weave in and out of the others yet, but he sure as hell was picking it up with more ease than the actress. A smile that struggling not to be smug on his face, Evan held out his hand for Madelaine, hoping she would substitute the railing for his own balance. “Come on, we’re getting in the middle”.

Madelaine: This should’ve been easier, come on Madelaine, get yourself together, you’re looking like an idiot! The redhead tried to convince herself, to pull some of Cheryl’s fake confidence to herself and with a deep breath, she let go of the rails and put her hands up to her sides to balance herself “Alright, alright, I’m getting there… Leave no man behind, you’re full of crap” She said, rolling her eyes before smiling back at him. Looking at his hands, she reached out to grab them, the first impulse in her body when she could take a grip of something was to go strong for it, so she almost even leaned a little bit into her arms when she felt the support from him “To the middle? Oh God I-Oh shit” She cursed out as she started slipping around. She wasn’t falling but this certainly was faster than desirable “If you let go of my hands, I’m going to murder you”

Evan: It really was rapidly getting easier for Evan, so with every surge of newfound confidence, he wanted to push Madelaine a little further and he couldn’t help but pull her along with him the more and more he sped up. “I’m not gonna let go, I promise. Although…you might start wanting me to, soon. I mean look at this, I’m pretty much pro now” gesturing down at the very standard skating that was taking place, Evan knew full well that if anything else was required of him - if he had to turn suddenly, or even try a jump - he knew he’d go crashing down onto his ass, so this would do for now. “You’ve also progressed to fully grown sloth now, so I’m proud of you”.

Madelaine: The middle of the rink was less crowded, with all the people who wanted to go fast and move at a faster-than-glacier pace moving out to the edges, they were left almost alone in the middle of the floor and with less people around, Evan was starting to pick up a little speed and oh dear, Madelaine’s pale delicate hands were about to squeeze the life out of his broad ones. “Well then, Mr. Pro, go on and do a fun trick for everyone to baffle at your wonderful skills” She taunted him and laughed, trying to look at his feet. He was getting the hang of it, so she tried to copy him. One foot outwards, then back in, then the other one. Okay it wasn’t that hard. Rolling her eyes at the comparison, she groaned “Next time, we’re going to a ballet studio and I’m showing you how it’s done” She said with a laugh, needing to prove herself “Okay this is- I’m… This is actually- Okay” She spoke to herself as she started gaining more and more confidence, the grip on the blonde’s hands starting to loosen but definitely still there, mostly for moral support.

Evan: With less people around to crash into, Evan did feel like getting a little more experimental, though he was sure he’d come to regret it if he crashed and burned, not only infront of Madelaine, but everyone else in the rink. Plus, his white short-shorts threatened to rip if he tried anything too vigorous. “You told me not to let go of your hand yet, remember? So are you going to be doing this with me, or what?”. On his own, he probably would’ve just thrown his body down onto the floor, completed the worm and called it a day, but how hard could partner tricks be, really? “So bring some of that ballet grace here. Teach me how to pirouette, if you can. Which I reckon you can. You’re just in your own head right now because you’re worried about falling over and hurting yourself - but weren’t you like that on the first day of your ballet classes, too?”

Madelaine: When Evan proposed she’d do a trick with her, Madelaine’s big brown eyes widened and she shook her head “Oh no.. No no… No no no, don’t worry about me” She said with a laugh, licking her lips “I don’t think I could do any of that and ballet… In ballet you’re standing on your own feet, not on wheels! It’s like- For a pirouette, you just grab momentum and you have to go on pointe, lift your leg- And that’s just not gonna happen here” She said with a chuckle. “But here- lets see I… Mhm” She hesitated for a second before she pulled her hands back. Not too far, since she wanted to be right there if she needed to grab them again, but she straightened up her spine and looked up at him with a big smile, like a child coming back from school with a good grade “Look! Look I’m doing this” She almost yelled with pride, which turned a lot of heads who gave her some very weird looks, but she couldn’t care less.

Evan: In hindsight, maybe it was a good idea Evan couldn’t talk her into trying any tricks. He was just tapping into his inner motivational speaker when he didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about - pirouettes were hard enough to master on your own toes, never mind on wheels. Still, it seemed to have instilled some confidence in her as she let go of his hand and took a better stance. The looks she was getting for her outburst only made Evan want to her obnoxiously loud with her, which he did, whooping and clapping as the girl managed to skate alongside him unaided. “You’re a graceful motherfucking Dove right now. Dove Cameron, who? Here’s Dove Petsch, coming through!”

Madelaine: Back upright, strength in her core, her legs were strong but her knees were bent as she used them to push downwards and out, once each time, this was easy, no wonder Evan had picked it up so quickly. Laughing when he started cheering her on, the redhead rolled her eyes and scoffed “Oh my God, you’re such an ass” She said with a laugh, letting herself relax a little now that she’d gotten into the rhythm of things. “With normal skates, this would’ve been a lot easier, it’s this freaking shoe thing with the four wheels, it’s like stepping on a toy car and- Oh shit”. Madelaine squealed before launching herself forward after putting too much weight on one of the outside wheels and it gave out under her weight, twisting her ankle under her body and making her fall to the ground arms first. “Fuck- that hurt a lot” She said between laughs, turning herself around and laying on her back with her sore leg laying down “I told you this would happen” She couldn’t stop laughing, a hand coming over her eyes.

Evan: Evan felt like a proud father as he watched Madelaine fly the nest, her speed picking up as she put some distance between them…and then, she was crashing to the ground. “Oh…fuck” Evan let out, immediately skating to her side, a concerned look on his face as he practically skidded to his knees. Please don’t cry, please don’t cry, he inwardly begged, hoping she hadn’t hurt herself too much and would consequently hate him for bringing her there. Then, her body started rocking and Evan reached out to…cradle her? He guessed, he didn’t know, he was awful at this sort of stuff. Laughter replaced any tears, and without knowing what was going on, the actor let out a couple of nervous laughs himself. “Why are you laughing?! Oh god, is this a 'laugh so you don’t cry sorta situation right now? Are you actually hurt? Where does it hurt?”

Madelaine: She’d always been the kind of person who’d rather laugh at her own foolishness before everyone started laughing at her, and this was no different than any other case. Before Evan started laughing at her, at least he’d be laughing with her. Plus, the situation was incredibly comical, if nothing else. Watching him come towards her and cradle her, concern in his eyes as he tried to figure out why the hell was she laughing instead of bitching and moaning, Madelaine shook her head and smiled at him “I’m laughing because I just ate shit in tiny short shorts in front of everyone here, how could I not laugh” She said between laughs “I’m fine, I think I’m fine” She said, happily leaning on him for support and sitting upright “I’m okay, I’m- Oh, my ankle” She said as she pulled her leg back and her ankle twinged

Evan: Now that Madelaine was putting it into words, Evan could appreciate how ridiculous the whole scenario was, and actually let himself laugh along to it with her. Other people were skating past glancing their way, but the fact they were both laughing probably dismissed the idea of her needing help. Moving to get back to his feet, Evan stopped mid-action as the redhead winced in pain while attempting to move. “Shit.” he let out, his mind instantly jumping to conclusions that she’d broken it. “Can you stand on it at all? Here -” holding out a hand and supporting her under the elbow, Evan attempted to pull her up - a feat made a lot more difficult thanks to the rollerskates. In hindsight, maybe he should’ve taken them off first.

Madelaine: Keeping her foot off the ground, which was heavier even with the skate, the redhead tried not to wince too hard when she stood up and allowed her weight to rest on Evan “I.. Shit- I don’t think I can” She said with a small chuckle. Looking down at their feet, Madelaine looked up at him and narrowed her eyes a little bit “Two people and three legs on skates… Why do I have a feeling this is not gonna be a good idea”

Evan: Full time carer mode activated when Madelaine admitted she couldn’t put any pressure on her ankle, and he was definitely in agreement to it not being a good idea for him to attempt to skate along, dragging a one-legged female in his wake. “Yeah, you’re right, one second”. With one arm still around Madelaine, Evan fumbled with his laces until they were loose enough for him to pull his skates off, one by one, wobbling haphazardly the entire time. Once they were off, he ditched them in the middle of the rink and padded back to the entrance in his socks, rolling Madelaine along with him. In a way, their predicament had now come in handy so she wouldn’t have to hop along or get him to carry her - which wouldn’t be the case once they’d left the establishment, but the thought of giving her a piggy back around didn’t bother him in the slightest. Once they had left the dancefloor, Evan sat Madelaine down onto the nearest bench and got back to his knees, his eyes holding her own gaze as he spoke. “Alright so, I’m not gonna lie, this is probably gonna hurt…” trailing off, the actor attempted to get her skate off as gently as possible, which would’ve been a lot easier if they weren’t high-tops.

Madelaine: With one arm wrapped around Evan’s shoulders and the other one holding onto his bicep, Madelaine tried her best to keep her balance and roll her way from the middle of the rink to the small exit door, following him and trying her best to hop and scoot herself onto where they once sat to put these death traps on. “Yeah I- Oh ouch ouch ow ow ow!” She whimpered as Evan started to unlace the shoes and pull them off. She hated being the whiny girl, she was always so strong and fended for herself, so this was less than desirable. As he was managed to slip the injured feet’s skate off, the redhead bent down to try and take the other one off “I told you this was gonna end badly, I’m so sorry” She said, biting her lip and shaking her head as she kicked the other one off and sighed.

Evan: hated hearing Madelaine in pain, especially knowing he was the one that was sort of inflicting it on her by trying to get the boot off, but he couldn’t give up half way, and with the last little wiggle, he’d managed to free her foot. The sounds she was making definitely wasn’t promising, and normally he wouldn’t resort straight to this, but he knew she was a busy girl who couldn’t just let wait to let recovery happen without actually knowing what they were dealing with. “Don’t be sorry at all, if anyone should be sorry, it should be me. This was my idea, and you’re probably gonna hate me even more for suggesting this, but…I think we need to get you to the hospital. I can carry you out to my car? I know this isn’t exactly how you planned to spend your con weekend, and I feel so fucking bad”.

Madelaine: “Hey, no, don’t say that!” Madelaine said with a smile, shaking her head a little bit “I wanted to come here, and let’s face it, in the twenty minutes we spent in there I had the time of my life… Before my clumsy self kicked in” The redhead said, a shrug picking up her shoulders with a small smile to make him feel better. The rink people brought them their shoes over, seeing that Madelaine was struggling a little bit and Evan was helping, and she thanked them with a kind smile. “Really?” The girl asked her companion “Do you think it’s like… Hospital bad?” She asked, looking down at her feet. It was certainly swollen, but at least it wasn’t broken or anything, right? Hearing him offer to carry her to his car, Mads furrowed her brow “I haven’t had a good piggy back in ages… Turn around” She said, picking her Converse up by the high top and waiting until he turned around and lowered himself enough for her to jump on his back.

Evan: Evan’s concerned expression melted into a smile as Madelaine reassured him. He too had been enjoying himself thoroughly until the inevitable happened and one of them bit the dust. “Hey, if it wasn’t going to be you, it would’ve been me, so either way one of us was going to end up carried out of here, and I think you would’ve struggled a little more carrying my ass out. Also, it’s better to be safe than sorry, right? I’d rather them do x-rays on it now than to find out your ballet days are behind you in a few months when the bone fuses back together in some gnarly, unaligned way”. Scooping up his own shoes, Evan got into position for her to be able to hop on with ease, and made his way out of the building. “See ya later, 80th century. It’s been emotional”. He declared as they re-entered the parking lot, spinning back around so he could place her onto the passenger seat. “Alright, I know a hospital pretty close to here, and I’ll drive you to San Diego in the morning so don’t even…worry about that”.

Madelaine: He always had to make it odd, first with the couple who got married on an acid trip, now with her bones fusing into an anthropomorphic mess of a leg, and Madelaine couldn’t help it but laugh. Even if she was in slight pain and was getting carried out of a skating rink on the back of someone she’d only met today, she was smiling, and that meant a lot to her. “Well, I can’t have that! How’s the show gonna explain that? Oh, Cheryl got into a bad cheerleading accident and had to have her ankle and foot replaced by a stump, we’ve swapped her storyline, now she’s half pirate” She said with an eloquent voice, as if she were pitching the idea to show runners. Sliding herself onto the seat and buckling up, the concern in Evan’s voice made her heart melt “Hey, don’t worry about that… You’re doing more than enough now. I mean, sitting in a waiting room in those short shorts? They’re gonna wanna take -you- in for tests”

Evan: “I mean…a storyline like that would /definitely/ make me want to watch the show. You said she was a closeted bitch at first, so she’s changed slightly already, why not go the full stretch and have her be a pirate in the next season?” Sliding back into the seat that he was unaware he’d be sitting back in so soon, Evan buckled himself in and began the drive to the nearest hospital, chuckling softly at the thought of them sat side by side in the accident and emergency department dressed how they were. If anything, hopefully it would give the staff on shift a smile. “So what’s the story we’re going with? Are we gonna pretend you hurt it doing something a lot more badass than struggling to roller skate, or are we just going to hope and pray that they’ve had this kind of scenario before?”

Madelaine: “Of course the peg leg girl would attract the lobster claw boy” Madelaine said with an eyeroll and a laugh, her whole body semi-turned to face him as he drove her. He really didn’t have to, so she appreciated that he was taking the time to do this for her. Making sure she had everything she needed in her backpack, the redhead allowed herself to flump back down on the seat “I mean, with Riverdale you never know, maybe the next villain will be a crazy pirate and Cheryl will be his side kick” She joked. “Mhm…” His question took her a little off guard “I think they must’ve seen this before. Maybe not the disco rink, but the outfits? Definitely. Remember all the acid marriages, they need to re-live their golden years, and I’m sure there’s gotta be more than one fella who goes wild for these short shorts” She said, shimmying her butt on the seat for a second before groaning, she’d moved her ankle a bit and it stung again.

Evan: “Peg leg girl and lobster claw boy, now that sounds like a duo that I could…ship?” He stated, attempting to use the terminology that he’d seen fans use so many times. From the sounds of it, with their wacky plotlines, maybe Riverdale wasn’t so different from AHS afterall, only a lot less serious and a lot more camp. “I honestly think you should suggest that - a crazy pirate sounds like the perfect addition to your show.” Attempting to keep the conversation flowing to take Madelaine’s mind off the pain, Evan cast a glance over at the female as she shimmied and instantly regretted it. “Alright, you…stop being all bubbly until further notice, if you can. That’s doctors orders” He demanded, resuming more small talk until they’d reached the hospital, where he parked the car and got back into position for her to climb on his back again. Maybe it was a little extra, but it was a hell of a lot faster just to carry her than to make her hop alongside him, with a lot less movement on her part as well. Reaching the front desk of the accident department, the clerk saw to them pretty sharpishly once she realised Madelaine was on his back. “So uh, we have a case of terrible roller-skater here with possibly sprained or broken ankle…”

Madelaine: With a made up frown on her face, Madelaine tried to stay put on her ass while Evan drove them to the emergency room. Looking down at her feet, she couldn’t help it but laugh a little bit, throwing her head back to the head rest and closing her eyes for a split second, taking in a deep breath and letting it out with a grumpy sigh “I have to wear heels tomorrow for interviews!” She whined into the air before chuckling quietly. It could’ve been a lot worse. The pain, as annoying as it was, was completely bearable and she could put up with it until the end of the weekend. Watching him pull into the parking spaces, the redhead re-assumed her shimmying technique until the end of the seat and went up on her companion’s back, resting her head on his shoulders. The emergency area wasn’t too crowded, mostly people who were clearly not feeling well, but no actual emergencies they could be stopping. “Oh hi” She said with a bright smile, waving her hand to the nurse on the other side of the counter. “Oh, put her down on that chair, we’ll take care of it” The nurse said, pointing at a wheelchair with a male nurse holding it. Dismounting Evan’s back, Madelaine hopped onto the chair, handing her backpack and shoes over to the blonde boy “I’m sure I won’t be long. Just some X-Rays before I see the doctor, right?” She asked, looking back at the nurse. “Yeah, you can wait here, your girlfriend will be right back” He said as he started wheeling her away.

Evan: It was just Evan’s luck that he’d managed to hang out with some female company, and once again, they were whisked away by some hunky dude. Only this time, they weren’t dating, and afore mentioned hunky dude was simply her nurse. That was better than what he was used to. As they rolled away, Evan only just registered what the staff member had said, so had to raise his voice a little for his response to be heard. “Bold of you to assume I could land someone that hot!” he called out jokingly, sticking his hand into the bowl of candy that sat upon the desk, noticing the clerk giving him a judgemental look as he unwrapped the sweet and popped it into his mouth. “What’s up?” He spoke with no response. “...You come here often?”

Madelaine: It must’ve taken around half an hour to fourty five minutes before all the X-Rays were taken, but Madelaine really wasn’t rushed at all. Many nurses came over to ask her about the show, and she was happy to see the fans ranged from all ages and professions. If someone as serious as a doctor could watch something as camp-y as Riverdale, they were doing a good job. By the end of it, she was getting rolled back to Evan in the waiting room with a smile on her face and a bandage on her leg. “Hey, you” She said with a big smile “So, no big heels while standing up, you can wear them for interviews and photo ops, but try and get down to flats as soon as possible, and ice whenever you can, alright? The pain should be gone in 3 to 5 days, it’s just a hard twist, not even a sprain. You’ve got a very good friend here who made sure you didn’t step on it” The Doctor said while looking at Evan and then the girl “Thank you so much, Doctor- Oh wait, can I have your pen?” She said, looking down and then at Evan “Pass me my backpack?” She asked, quickly pulling out her wallet. Taking out one business card, she scribbled her signature and the names of the two daughters he’d mentioned were big fans of the show before handing it and the pen back “Make sure to have them come over to San Diego any time of the weekend if they want, I’ll walk outside to give them a hug… Or maybe this guy can give me a piggyback ride” She teased, looking at Evan and giving him a wink.

Evan: Drumming his fingers absentmindedly against the arms of the chair he was sat on, Evan didn’t even notice the looks the clerk kept giving him, his presence clearly irritating her. He was used to that. Blame it on his ADD, he barely even noticed anymore when he was being a little shit. Finally, there was movement out of the corner of his eye, and his 80’s clad friend was being wheeled back towards him. Getting up with a grin, Evan flashed her a thumbs up at the bandage. “Nice. I’m liking the SDCC accessory of choice”, he teased, knowing full well that a girl as fashion forward as Madelaine wouldn’t wear it and do her best to pretend nothing was wrong with her ankle tomorrow. He watched on as she refused to let herself leave without giving a little something back to the doctor who had taken care of her, and he had to smile, most people would’ve been in too much of a hurry to cater to their own needs to think about others. “Well, I don’t know about /that/, I’ve gotta be in Italy tomorrow…but tell you what, you need to rest, I figure we can’t do anything that requires you standing up anymore, so I’ll drive you to San Diego. Today, in your car. That way I don’t have to leave you straight away, and we can talk a little more? Or…carry on serenading random car loads of people?”

Madelaine: Rolling her eyes at Evan’s comment, Madelaine couldn’t help it but smile. He knew full and well that she wouldn’t wear the bandage, but she’d try to do the best with her ice packs and resting the leg, but Cheryl wasn’t gonna go down to her flats, and neither was she, so it’d just have to fix itself with time. Watching the whole medical staff wave goodbye and leave them, Madelaine reached up with her hands as if to ask Evan for a hand to hold and get up. She could hop towards the car, he’d carried her enough and as much as she joked about, he’d done more than she’d expected. “Yeah, I think I’m out of commission… I’m sorry I had to cut our night at the rink short, you looked like a natural” She said with a small smile “You wanna drive two hours to San Diego?” She asked, eyebrow cocked up. “I mean, yeah of course, I don’t have much to do tonight, but do you really wanna do that?” She wanted to invite him over to her house and they could talk there, he didn’t have to do all that for her.

Evan: Taking Madelaine’s hand, Evan helped her to her feet and propped an arm over his shoulder, both of them a little more lenient with how much movement she made now they knew it wasn’t broken. That had to be relieving for her, she had a heck of a lot to do that weekend and he would’ve felt endlessly guilty if she couldn’t dive into it as much as she wanted. Although, if he were honest with himself, he’d get a little kick out of seeing all of the professional shots of the Riverdale crew looking glamorous, with a wink to their few hours spent in LA together in the form of a bandage on her ankle. “It’s totally cool, if we had stayed any longer I probably would’ve grown /too/ good at it, and people would’ve been marvelling, it would’ve been embarrassing, you know?” Hopping back into his own car, Evan waited for them to settle on a destination before he bothered putting the key in the ignition. “I mean, it makes sense, you can’t really drive with a jacked up ankle, I don’t know how else your car would get to San Diego, and I can easily get a train or bus back, it’s chill. I’m making the decision for you”.

Madelaine: Hopping back towards the car, Madelaine gripped onto Evan’s waist tightly as she tried to steady herself and balance everything she had going on while they made it back. Getting on the truck was hard now that she wasn’t getting positioned from his back, but once she managed to get in there, she happily buckled in and let her foot rest on her healthy leg “You probably would’ve ended up getting like, scouted for a national 80’s roller derby team, and what would’ve been of your acting career? Someone with that much rollering skills can’t drop out of such a thing, you had to represent your country! Really, it’s for the best, I did you a favor in the end” She added with a small shrug, trying to keep a straight face for as long as she could before she cracked. Hearing him say that he’d happily drive her and taken a bus back to LA had the redhead shaking her head “What? No way, no, I refuse. We can go home, and open a bottle of wine and talk until the sun comes out if you want, but I’m not gonna let you do that. I’m… Very thankful, but I’ve got castmates who are driving from here, my stylist and make up team, an Uber, there’s plenty of ways I can get there. And you’ve got a flight to catch in the morning.”

Evan: Evan wasn’t sure what he expected Madelaine to be like, but honestly…this wasn’t it. He’d probably thought she’d take herself more seriously, so was pleasantly surprised to find out she can be just as goofy as himself - her next joke proved it. Shaking off the laugh that consumed them both for a moment, the male got the car started and buckled himself in. “Alright, if you’re sure. The option’s always there. But I like the sound of your idea, too....Your place or mine?”