#so I might be a little insane and over dramatizing his lore just a little bit

[rakkuntoast]

I'm in love with the idea of q!Phil and c!Phil being potentially the same person

and just this centuries old man who got his wings fucked up AGAIN now has to face horrors that don't even COMPARE to the ones he faced before

but he doesn't really bat an eye on the federation, he has seen multiple times how things like this go to the top and crumble down beneath his feet. eventually if Chayanne and/or Tallulah die this man got nothing else to lose, we've seen him tear down countries down to bedrock, murder people constantly on cold blood, the federation it's just another one that will bite the dust

"I've seen many like them fail. they wont be the last one"

[pollenallergie]

Munson Men headcanons <3

Description: Just some miscellaneous headcanons about my favorite father-son duo <3

Word Count: About 2k

CW: Swearing (I have a potty mouth, that’ll never change), Eddie and Wayne’s frugalness and sense of innovation are heavily inspired by my family’s supernatural ability to avoid spending their money at all costs, hints at the first half of Eddie’s childhood being less than stellar (to put it mildly), brief mention of Eddie’s dad.

A/N: Let me know if you guys would like me to write the origin story of the fantastic, dynamic duo that is Eddie and Wayne Munson!! I have so much lore about their pre-canon lives floating around in my little ole noggin.

The Munson’s have movie night on the first Monday night of every month. As unorthodox as it may be to stay up late watching movies on a school/work night, it’s the only night of the month when Wayne usually doesn’t have to work the night shift, so it’s the only time they have to relax and hang out. <3

Wayne taught Eddie most of the basics of playing guitar, including how to tune his acoustic. However, other than that, Eddie’s pretty much self-taught. He mastered playing the electric guitar all on his own. <3

Wayne, much like Eddie, is shockingly big on nicknames. For example, Wayne’s longest and most enduring nickname for Eddie is Ferret because the boy has more energy than he knows to do with. Eddie’s also insanely good at squeezing into small spaces, which makes that moniker even more apt. Wayne also came up with your nickname, Jitterbug, because you’ve always been a fidgety, nervous nelly. <3

Wayne even has a nickname for your mom; he calls her Apple because she always uses apple-scented shampoo, the same apple-scented shampoo you used to use until you grew up and started acquiring your own hair care products. Also, Wayne calls your mom that because she often wears this cute little sweater with apples knitted all over it during the colder months. <3

Wayne keeps a picture of you and Eddie on his dashboard. It’s of you two leaning up against the brick wall at Hawkins Elementary, smiles beaming at the camera as you’d huddled in close on the morning of your first day of the third grade. On the back of it is written, in Wayne’s oddly elegant handwriting, “Ferret & Jitterbug Go To School - August 1973.” <3

Eddie is the heaviest sleeper on god’s green earth; he always has been. Consequently, when he was much younger, Wayne used to have to physically haul him out of bed in the mornings and dress him himself. Now that Eddie’s older, though, Wayne rings a rusty old cowbell he got at a garage sale to wake his nephew up; it works like a charm. Wayne thinks the cowbell was one of the greatest purchases he ever made. Eddie, on the other hand, has tried (and failed) to sneakily rid the Munson household of that damned bell on many occasions. <3

The first time Wayne caught Eddie smoking weed, when he was thirteen years old, he sprayed him with the hose to put it out. Then Wayne gave his drenched, shivering nephew the sternest, most long-winded lecture of his life. <3

After Eddie got done reading the Crucible in his 9th grade English class, Wayne had to deal with him constantly greeting him with a prim and proper “How now, dear Uncle.” <3

Eddie is one of the greatest gift-givers of all time. He listens more intently than others might initially think, so he always knows the perfect gift for someone. He gets that talent from Wayne, who inherited it from his mom, Eddie’s grandmother, Margaret Munson. <3

Similarly, both Wayne and Eddie get their dramatic flair from Mimi (what Eddie calls his grandma). She used to read Eddie his bedtime stories to him, using different, silly voices for the characters and narrators as she read through the tale, even pausing for dramatic effect when she felt it was necessary to do so. Mimi’s favorite book to read to him, which also happened to be his favorite book when he was little, was Millions of Cats. Eddie still has her copy of the book. The inside cover has the words “property of Eddie and Mimi Munson” inscribed in her pretty handwriting. He stores the treasured book in a memory box under his bed, opting to have it tucked away for safekeeping. As gross as it might be to some, Eddie finds it profoundly comforting that the book still smells like the menthols she used to smoke. <3

Wayne Munson is the DIY king, and Eddie is his protégé. Seriously, these men never hire a repair service because they fix everything themselves. Wayne even went as far as to check out books on basic wiring and electrical work from Hawkins Public Library when their trailer’s circuit breaker was giving them trouble. The Munsons have even been known to craft their own furniture from time to time, like when Wayne built the nightstand next to Eddie’s bed out of the wood that one of his friends had left over after building a new front porch for their house. He even got some dark wood stain to use on it for half off from the local hardware store since the can it was in was so dented that it hardly resembled a cylinder anymore. <3

The Munson men are also pros at shopping secondhand. They can scout out the best deals at garage sales. They can also easily scope out the most extraordinary hidden treasures at even the most cluttered thrift stores. Going shopping with them is a breeze because you know that, no matter what, you’ll get precisely what you need. <3

Wayne makes the most delicious grilled cheese sandwiches. You and Eddie aren’t sure how or why the ones he makes are always so much better than any other grilled cheeses you guys have had before, but they are. <3

Wayne’s never been a big fan of cake, so instead, you and Eddie make him a blackberry cobbler every year for his birthday using his mom’s recipe. Luckily for you both, or, rather, for your wallets, Wayne’s an August baby. Hence, blackberries are in season for his birthday and are, consequently, super fresh and not too expensive. <3

Contrary to how the rest of the town views them, most of the residents at Forest Hills quite like the Munsons, especially the elderly residents. Eddie and Wayne are the kinds of neighbors who will offer to help someone carry in their groceries, who will mow a neighbor’s lawn for free if they’re unable to do so themself, and who will even leave a lovely card in someone’s mailbox on their birthday. The Munsons are good people, and unlike most people in Hawkins, the folks who live at Forest Hills can clearly see that. Although, Eddie’s tendency to drive recklessly and blast metal music at all hours of the night sometimes makes it a little hard for his neighbors to remember just how good of a guy he truly is. <3

Wayne was your most loyal customer when you were in Girl Scouts and had to sell cookies every year. He’d save up money for months ahead of the cookie-selling season. Then, when the time finally came to start going door-to-door with your cookie forms, wearing your adorable little Junior Scout uniform, he would use that money to buy as many boxes as he could afford just to help you out. His favorites are the Tagalongs because, well, in his eyes, peanut butter and chocolate together is an unbeatable combination. <3

While Eddie’s “old man” may not have taught him how to fish, his Uncle Wayne sure did. When Eddie was a kid, back when he was still living with his shitbag of a dad, Wayne used to take him fishing at the lake at least once a week during the summer months to allow his nephew to escape his dad’s torment during summer break. Consequently, Wayne has many, many photos of a young, freckle-faced Eddie holding up the various fish he’d caught while flashing a beaming, toothy grin at the camera. He’s even got a couple of Eddie pressing kisses to some of the tinier fish his nephew caught. He also has one very special picture of 8-year-old Eddie gagging after his lips made contact with the slimy, scaly skin of the fish he was holding. That last picture is one that he’s opted to keep in his wallet; that way, he can look at it and laugh whenever he’s having a hard day. <3

Wayne and Eddie like to tease each other a lot. Granted, it’s only ever friendly fire. For example, Wayne teases Eddie about how loudly he snores at night. Meanwhile, Eddie teases Wayne about the so-called “grandpa noises” he makes when he gets up from the couch, bends over to tie his shoe, picks up something heavy, etc. <3

Wayne doesn’t really know what to do when people start crying around him; he tenses up and gets all awkward, unsure of what to say or do to make things better. But you bet your ass he tries his damnedest to console them, offering kind words, affectionate side-hugs (his full-on hugs are reserved for when his family needs them most, because he’s not really big on hugging), comforting shoulder pats, and when all else fails, a shoulder to cry on, to lean on in your time of need. <3

Wayne deserves a presidential medal of honor for all the times he’s had to take you, your siblings, and Eddie out to the Indiana Dunes for your yearly vacation by himself, which makes up nearly all of the times that you guys have gone to the Dunes, mainly because your mom was hardly ever able to get off work to come along with you all. Being stuck in a car with a bunch of ornery little shits for four hours (two hours there and back) is bad enough. Imagine how draining it is being stuck camping out in the woods with them for an entire week. Not to mention, Wayne almost always got stuck sharing a tent with you and Eddie, the orneriest of the little shits. After every single one of your trips to the Dunes, your mom would let you and Eddie have a week-long sleepover at her place so that Wayne could get some reprieve. However, Wayne almost always had him return home after about three days, as he found that he missed his boy in their time apart more than he missed the blissful silence when Eddie was home. <3

Wayne Munson can and will kick anyone and everyone’s ass at backgammon. He’s also unfairly good at Battleship, much to your and Eddie’s dismay. Also, Wayne’s never been the kind of person to let a kid win simply because they’re a kid; he is ready and willing to best you and Eddie at every board game known to man. Consequently, game nights at your mom’s place (to which Eddie and Wayne are always invited) are an intense affair, to say the least, but damn, are they fun! <3

Finally, Wayne used to sing “Don’t Fence Me In” to Eddie to get him to fall back asleep after a haunting nightmare woke him up, something that happened far too often when he first came into Wayne’s care. </3

[anachronistic-falsehood]

hooloooo i see you rebagel a lot of stuff for mcyt... what is that? how do i watch it? it sounds so dramatic and full of lore! thankya!

OH WOW ok!!! alright. sit down because i am about to learn you a thing!!!! so MCYT stands for "minecraft youtube" and it actually encompasses a HUGE amount of youtubers/twitch streamers, minecraft smps, content, and storylines. A LOT of different creators fall under the MCYT umbrella, but the SMPs are probably what you're talking about, because those are FULL of lore. you don't have to watch one to understand another, although some might make references to other SMPs. think of it like... huge DND campaigns but in minecraft. they roleplay as fictionalized versions of themselves and do a lot of improv acting

the servers i'm into right now are the DSMP and QSMP!! the DSMP was a server owned by Dream (who is kind of a shit person which is part of the reason the server ended) but the storyline created by creators on the server like Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, Technoblade, and a lot of others was AMAZING. they created this insane story about a small nation who went to war, there was a revolution, an election that resulted in a dictatorship, and so much more. oh my god it was so cool. someone named EvanMC made videos summarizing some major plot points (playlist here), but if you REALLY want to get into it, there's a channel called Blueberry TV that's making full recap videos, and the playlist (here) has like. over 300 videos so far. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM ARE NECESSARY TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING!! you can skip ahead at a lot of points, or even just find a single creator's character you like and watch vods or videos from their point of view. i would highly recommend Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, Tubbo, BadBoyHalo, or Quackity because their roleplay was consistently just absolutely insane, but i'd also recommend POVs like Fundy, Captain Puffy, DropsByPonk, or Jack Manifold if you want to explore different viewpoints! I know Wilbur and Tommy have made edited down videos of many of their DSMP vods, so that might be a decent place to start if you're curious (although searching for those in the mess of their other videos might be a hassle lol), or you can skim the wiki if you'd like (here!!!) it officially ended i think late 2022-early 2023 (i can't remember) but the official canon ending to the overall story is really up in the air, so it's mostly left to fan interpretation now.

THE QSMP IS SO GOOD oh my god. it's a huge multilingual server that started around March and is still going!! it was started by Quackity, and the plot really started when a bunch of eggs appeared on the island and the members were paired up to take care of them, with one English speaking creator and one Spanish speaking creator to a pair. eventually five Brazilians were invited to the server, and later some French creators as well!! they're all trapped on this one island by an organization called the Federation, and no one knows exactly what's going on, but there are mysteries to solve and monsters to fight and lots of found family elements in the overall plot. if you want some general recaps, the official QSMP Info channel has a couple videos recapping stuff (link here) and there are channels like Angry Thomas that make bite sized videos (like 5-20 minutes) about some general plot points. Quackity ofc has his own vod channel where you can watch his streams and learn about his character's lore. you can also skim the wiki (link here) to familiarize yourself with some of the characters. if all else fails you can probably make a post asking for the plot and throw it in the qsmp tag here on tumblr and you'll get a decent handful of people in your notes giving you a sparknotes summary. we love talking about our weird little minecraft guys

The DSMP and QSMP are so good in their own ways, the DSMP for its insane improv roleplay and the QSMP for its crazy planned events and and the way it brings multiple communities and cultures together!!! you don't have to watch one to understand the other. i suggest you only get into one at a time because they are both crammed with backstory and lore. i'd recommend getting into QSMP first because it's still going, and once you feel more or less caught up, you can probably test the DSMP waters. they can both get quite heavy in their stories, so if you need a list of trigger warnings or anything feel free to ask and i can def provide :3 if you're intrigued by either of them but don't know exactly where to start, i'd suggest the Blueberry TV playlist for DSMP and the Angry Thomas videos or the Quackity VODs for QSMP. see if there are any creators you enjoy watching and go from there!!!! consuming the stories of these SMPs is a bit difficult because there's so much content, but no one is expected to watch every single video or stream by every creator. a lot of the story gets passed around through word of mouth through the fandoms, so don't feel bad if you feel like you miss anything!!! if you have questions, you can ask just about anyone in the fandoms and they'll probably have an answer!!!

if you're interested but need a little more convincing, feel free to shoot me another ask. i will gladly ramble about my favourite minecraft roleplay characters. it's like my entire life at this point i think it's a problem <3

[griffintail]

I’m surprised people think techno’s grief extends to pure violence. When it’s clear the news of his S/O death leaves him trembling on the floor, and letting out pained wails his first night alone. Leaving him delirious in denial as Philza has to keep watch to make sure he doesn’t kill himself trying to bring them back. And as the grief seeps in he is left to sleep through dreamless nights and live through thoughtless days. And at the end, acceptance isn’t voluntary, he’s too tired to do anything else. (Please write smth for this I can’t sleep this idea’s been eating at me for days)

I went a bit off script- I hope you still enjoy. :)

The Bolt

In-Game

Pairings: Technoblade x GN! Reader

Warnings: Death, Blood, Angst

Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Techno blocked the axe coming for his face with his shield as he chugged his last regeneration potion.

        The last battle of L’Manberg was over and he needed to find (Y/N) and get home to safety. He gave a whistle that echoed across the battlefield before pushing Sapnap away from him. Booking it away, he went towards the meet-up spot Phil and (Y/N) had agreed with him.

        “Phil, I want you to have the totem.” Techno held it out to his friend.

        He saw Phil running from the wreckage the withers were causing as he could see the (H/C) head of hair weaving through the chaos. Techno lost his concentration as he stared at (Y/N), everything a dull roar as he smiled softly at their figure. Creating the scene of anarchy and chaos.

        “Wait, I’m your damn fiancé, why don’t I get it?” (Y/N) gave a dramatic huff as they put a hand on their chest.

        It was true, they both only had one life but…

        “Because, you and I, we never die blood goddess,” Techno smirked.

        “TECHNO!” They screamed.

        He had missed seeing the crossbow aiming at him because he had been looking at (Y/N)…

        He went to get his shield but he would be too slow…

        Then there was a cracking as an ender pearl shattered in front of him and in a cloud of purple sparks appeared (Y/N), who gasped as they caught the crossbow bolt in the stomach.

        “You’re such an idiot.” (Y/N) laughed. “Now! Let’s celebrate our freedom from the child by blowing up a nation!”

        Techno laughed as he enjoyed the sparkle in their eyes at the thought of the anarchy.

        “No, no, no!” Techno caught them as they fell, Jack quickly loading his crossbow again.

        He needed to go.

        Scooping them up, he bolted for where Phil was watching in wide-eyed shock. Phil managed to snap out of it though and covered Techno’s retreat as he tried to reassure (Y/N).

        “It’s ok, we’re going to get you home, alright? Come on, you’re going to need to keep your eyes open for me beautiful.”

        But (Y/N) winced before crying out as the crossbow bolt brought them pain. The voices were screaming in panic with them and Techno.

        WE NEED TO GO FASTER! WE’RE OUT OF HEALTH POTIONS! WHY DID THEY TAKE THE BOLT! PHIL, HELP TECHNO! GO GO GO GO!

        “I’m here mate!” Phil ran beside him now, taking off his jacket. “We got to keep pressure on it till we get to the potions. I sent a crow ahead to get one faster hopefully.”

        Phil kept pace as pressed the jacket around the bleeding wound, (Y/N) letting out another scream. Techno wanted to scream himself as he ground his teeth together to keep himself together.

        They had to cross the nether to get home!

        They had so far to go!

        That crow needed to get here yesterday!

        “T-Techno.” (Y/N) sputtered.

        “Quiet, keep your strength,” Techno demanded.

        “I-I-I…” They muttered before their eyes blinked closed.

        “We got to stop.” Phil panicked.

        “We don’t have any potions!” Techno also panicked.

        “We have to slow down the bleeding now!”

        The pair stopped as Techno put (Y/N) down as Phil tried to work as fast as he could being the experienced healer. He tried to stem the bleeding as best he could, he couldn’t take the bolt out though and it had to have hit something important because there was too much damn blood!

        Then a few minutes later…

        (Y/N)’s chest stopping moving…

        “No. No, no, no. Breath damn it!” Techno commanded, putting a hand on their shoulder.

        “Techno…” Phil said quietly, tears in his eyes.

        “Where’s your crow!?” Techno shouted. “We need a potion now!”

        “…It’s not going to help Techno.”

        “It has to! We—They’re not gone! They…they…”

        Techno put his forehead on theirs as tears gathered in his eyes.

        “Please…don’t leave me. I love you; I need you…”

        But (Y/N) had fallen and lost their last life…

        …

        Techno had carried (Y/N) all the way home to the tundra and he held them for a while before he finally let himself bury them. Then…

        He just sat there for hours, shaking.

        In the freezing cold.

        Next to the mound of dirt.

        “Techno, mate. You got to come in.” Phil muttered as he came out as night was starting to fall.

        “I don’t want to leave them,” Techno mumbled.

        The voices were quiet whispers as they talked about all the things they loved about (Y/N) and Techno just sat listening to them, ignoring as Phil protested.

        “They wouldn’t want you to die with them mate.” Phil finally broke through the voices.

        Techno huffed, tears falling behind his mask. “And they didn’t want to die either.”

        Phil sighed before just sitting next to his old friend.

        “What are you doing?” Techno looked at him.

        “You got to pass out eventually. Doubt all the adrenaline from the fight is helping.”

        It really wasn’t. Techno felt bone tired and his body wanted nothing more than for him to sleep but he wanted nothing more to sit here with…(Y/N). He was covered in the blood of his lover and those he harmed today. Maybe it was all karma everything he had done…

        It took another hour but finally, Techno’s body took control and he was out. Phil let out a long sigh before dragging the man into his own home. It was going to be a hard time for a while…

        …

        Phil thought Techno would be the same as the first night, that the other man would become unresponsive. His assumptions had been false though. In fact, it was worse.

        Techno didn’t eat or sleep properly, which Phil had expected, but what he didn’t expect was for Techno to practically go insane as he poured over hundreds of lore books, trying to figure out how to bring (Y/N) back.

        “Techno, mate, you need to take a break from this.”

        “No, I will get them back. If I can just figure this out…I can do it.”

        “You can’t do it if you die too!”

        Phil went around these circles for hours, Techno sometimes striking low saying if he can figure it out, he could bring Wilbur back as well. Techno went full force into his work, the voices only encouraging his behavior as they threw out ideas to research. He had never listened to his voices more than now.

        Techno had been so invested in his work, he didn’t notice when Phil gave Ranboo to build on the land, mostly because Phil gave him one rule, leave Techno be. Phil knew Techno the best and was trying his damn best to knock Techno back.

        The blood god was pouring over notes for a hopeful experiment when Phil came in, food in hand as always.

        “It’s late Techno, eat and go to bed,” Phil told him.

        “After I’m done,” Techno muttered.

        “Techno.”

        “After. I’m done. Phil.” Techno gave him a dark glare before going back to his notes.

        Phil sighed, putting the food down on the table. “Tommy locked Dream in prison.”

        Techno frowned. That made him glance at Phil.

        “Why?”

        “Something about his discs as usual.” Phil crossed his arms, shrugging. “We got a notice on the radios that Dream lost two lives to Tommy.”

        “Huh,” Techno mumbled, looking at his work again. “Kid should have finished him…”

        Techno scribbled out a sentence. That wouldn’t make sense.

        “Probably, I don’t know why he didn’t. Ranboo might know though.” Phil smirked to himself, his tactic working a bit well in his favor.

        Techno’s interest was at least separating a bit from his research.

        “Who?” Techno pulled over one of his sheets.

        “The kid living outside the house.”

        “Heh?” Techno looked up fully at that.

        “He’s been here for weeks Techno; you’ve just been so caught up you haven’t noticed.” Phil pointed out now. “You need a break mate. You’re going…you’re going to kill yourself doing this.”

        Techno looked at the papers in his hand.

        “Techno, you need to fight another day. Come on.” (Y/N) tried to coax him away from preparing potions. “I’m tired.”

        He clenched the papers as the voices were scattered, none of them focused on one thing right now.

        “…Fine. I’ll at least talk to the kid.” Techno grumbled, getting up.

        “Take the food.” Phil grinned.

        Techno rolled his eyes, taking the bread but nothing else. He ate it as he left the house, his eyes not daring to travel to the beautiful flowers around the mound of dirt. Indeed, on his land, was a little house in the side of the hill. Huffing, he went over as the voices were skeptical, remembering one boy named Ranboo from L’Manberg and visiting Tommy.

        “I can’t believe the little brat!” (Y/N) screamed as they paced around the house. “We gave him shelter! I should him love! AND HE BETRAYS US!”

        Techno closed his eyes, his body shaking before trying to distract himself by knocking on the door.

        “Phil?” A voice called from the other side before they opened the door.

        The tall boy shrank seeing Technoblade at his door.

        “Uhhhhh…hi,” Ranboo muttered, looking anywhere but the pig masked man.

        Techno didn’t care really for pleasantries right now, so might as well get straight to the point.

        “Hi, heard you might know why they locked Dream away rather than just kill him,” Techno grunted.

        He hated the fact that Dream also had a favor over him. Would have been nicer for him if they had killed the smiley masked man.

        “Oh yeah…I was there…hang on,” Ranboo muttered, taking a book off his belt and flipping through. “He uh…Dream said he had a book that could bring back the dead.”

        Every. Single. Voice. Went silent.

        As Techno stared at the tall hybrid, who shifted nervously at the stare.

        “He did now?” Techno muttered.

        “Y-Yeah. He said he could bring Wilbur back for Tommy.”

        Techno didn’t care about the rest as his cape fluttered behind him as he took a determined march to the house to grab his things. If Dream wanted to cash in that favor, he owed him one more thing…

[rebrandedbard]

A little drabble exchange for @theamazingbard that accidentally became more of a ficlet. Threw in a little hispanic nursery rhyme since I don’t know if we have them in english for making pain go away. I tried googling but it was unhelpful. 

TW: Descriptions of blood, drinking it, gross stuff like that. Canon-typical wounds. References to drinking and inebriation.

WC: 2617

Lips Black as the Rose

Featuring highervampire!Jaskier as he tries to figure himself out after being turned. A bit of spice in there. Am I picking and choosing parts of the lore as I see fit? Yes. Is it very sexy of me to do so? One hundred percent. Will I beta this before posting? Oh absolutely not, you know the drill. ‘No beta, we die like men and get our shit wrecked in the comments’ is my go-to Ao3 tag for a reason.

-

Under no circumstances would Jaskier ever cause harm to another living thing, but the world did not reciprocate that exact philosophy. He’d been chased and held at the business end of many a sword, dagger, lance, and—on several unfortunately memorable occasions—a startling variety of available flatware. Things were rougher after meeting Geralt and having his usual human pursuers overshadowed by the threat of monsters.

Where once a spoon in the hands of a rabid duke would seem a most threatening opponent, Jaskier now found himself on the run from a more literal array of rabid beasts, and he could quote the running speeds the prove that having an extra pair of legs did indeed give certain monsters a leg up, so to speak, on the competition. But then, having no legs at all could prove a better advantage, and such creatures as those often had the additional advantage of long, venomous teeth.

Suffice to say, it was a difficult thing to be a lover in a world of fighters. Particularly when one falls into the company of another presumed lover, only to discover that their invitation to dinner was, in truth, an invitation to be dinner.

A vampire. Young, wine drunk, and foolish, Jaskier allowed himself to be led into the vampire’s den. It had been many years ago, he no longer remembered the details. He only remembered a sharp pain on his shoulder, followed by a woozy numbness, and he awoke in a strange bed, in an inn he did not check into, with his reflection missing from the mirror. He’d run away from home shortly after, fearing a bloodlust that was never to come.

It was a strange thing, being a vampire. After months of research, Jaskier came to no conclusions as to what it meant to be one exactly. He experimented with the content of old myths, touching silver very cautiously, taking delicate bites of foods prepared with garlic. He could cross a river just as well as any man. All in all, there was not much wrong with him, and he wondered what all the fuss was about. Well, there was a bit of fuss in that he could no longer be sure of his appearance, and he’d become more vain than ever, relying on the opinions of others to assure him that he looked presentable. This was a particular bother where Geralt was concerned, for he rarely paid compliments—if ever—and was not inclined to offer opinions concerning such trifling things as fashion or appearances.

Jaskier felt sure that Geralt would have noticed right away, but when their paths crossed again, Geralt seemed entirely ignorant of Jaskier’s dramatic change in biology. Running his tongue over his teeth, he could find no fangs. People complimented him on his eyes, still cooing over how bright and blue they were; and he’d been so afraid they’d turned a ghastly red as in the stories. From what he could tell, he appeared human. He had no violent urges to drain the blood from red-cheeked virgins, nor had he transformed into a bat and flown into the night. Sunlight only burned his skin as much as it had before, though it might have been harder on his eyes. He found himself squinting more in the afternoon, and it was unpleasant hot at times.

All in all, he was relatively normal.

“Such beauty ought to be preserved evermore.” That was what the vampire had told him that night. A great favor, immortality, but he wished he might have been offered a list of instructions to go with it. Figuring things out on his own was exasperating. And though he was not quite compelled to drink blood, there were times when he was … drawn. By curiosity.

When Geralt returned from a hunt, his flesh torn and body bleeding, Jaskier found it challenging to tend his wounds. Many times, he’d almost given into temptation. It did not help that he’d wanted to know the taste of Geralt’s skin long before the transformation. Now, there was an intoxicating layer to the fantasy, and the smell of Geralt’s blood made him hazy, like the bouquet of a strong wine. Or more realistically, the cloud of bitter vodka. If it had been a particularly nasty fight, Jaskier was sure he could taste Geralt’s blood by the smell alone, so powerful it made his nose wrinkle. He could get drunk on the fumes, and it was not always so pleasant.

He never dared try. There were too many things to consider. For a start, there was no telling what the blood of a witcher would do to him—and that was before factoring potions into the equation. Having never fed of blood, Jaskier did not know how his instincts would react, and he was sure he had some animal instinct to him now. He might drain Geralt dry in a matter of minutes, or the taste of blood might make him go insane and start tearing at his surroundings like a mad beast! Or, simplest and frightening of all, Geralt might kill him. So Jaskier kept his secret, never giving in to his curiosity.

But one day, he’d slipped.

“Fuck,” Geralt grunted. He clenched his hand and a sharp smell pervaded the air. In sharpening his sword, his hand had slipped. He’d cut the meat of his palm, just above his wrist.

Jaskier was up at once, Geralt’s bag in hand, ready to wrap the wound. He was very quick these days in getting things bundled up as soon as possible. Once the wounds were wrapped, the smell was not as pronounced. He fished out a strip of cloth and had it round Geralt’s hand in a matter of moments, working efficiently with good practice.

Geralt smiled ruefully. “A clean wound, at least. Should stitch itself up by morning.” He chuckled and inspected the wound, his eyes flicking over to Jaskier. “Haven’t done that since I was a child sharpening my first dagger,” he said.

“Did you cut yourself often in training?” Jaskier asked.

“No, not so often. We didn’t waste wrappings on such small scrapes either.”

There was a distracting shadow of red seeping through the cloth. Jaskier scoffed. “So you let it bleed into the open air, did you?”

“We were less inclined to coddle than humans.”

“Coddle?” Jaskier said, raising an offended hand to his chest. “My dear, a dressing is hardly evidence of coddling. If I wished to coddle you, I’d kiss it better and sing a little chant.”

Geralt presented his hand to Jaskier, smirking humorously. “Then do it. I’ve never heard of humans having such power as to kiss wounds better. Would save me a lot of trouble.”

“Erm … ” Jaskier flushed, considering the proffered wound. He nearly made a joke about lacking such power, being no longer human, but he bit it back. To cover his hesitation, he took Geralt’s hand and gently sang the rhyme his nurse used to calm him after a scraped elbow or knee. His tongue rolled musically as he rubbed the dressing carefully. “Sana sana colita de rana, si no sanas hoy, sanarás mañana.” Then he bent his head down to kiss the place.

“I don’t see what frogs’ tails have to do with my hand,” Geralt joked.

But Jaskier did not hear him. Instead, he felt oddly fixed in place, a metallic tang on the tip of his tongue. He opened his mouth slightly, closed it, and licked at his bottom lip to chase the memory of the taste. As he did, his tongue scraped the end of a long, pointed tooth. He stumbled back unsteadily, muttered his excuses, and fled to the safety of his bedroll across camp. There he sat, writing nonsense in his notebook as though struck by sudden inspiration.

He’d tasted Geralt’s blood. And now he wanted more.

The next few hunts were blessedly without injury. Jaskier found he was able to breathe again. It twisted his gut whenever Geralt went off to fulfill a contract, and his conscience was at odds with this new obsession. He wanted Geralt to come back whole and unharmed. But he wanted some cut, some smallest scrape upon which to lathe his tongue. When he thought of it, he felt a stirring in his gums, and touching the place, he found the fangs had grown in again. It took concentration to hide them again. He took to smiling with his mouth closed after the first incident, and he developed a habit of biting his lips.

When they came to a larger town, Jaskier went straight to the butcher. To quell his growing need, he bought fresh meat, sneaking a sip from the blood dish beneath the draining sheep’s carcass while the butcher’s back was turned. It had the strangest effect on him. Within minutes of leaving the butcher’s shop, he felt light-headed. He felt drunk, in short, and he wobbled his way to the inn, a giggle in his throat.

For dinner, he asked the potmaid to send the loin to the cook and surprised Geralt with it: a small treat to celebrate his recent hunting success. In truth, he wanted nothing to do with it, festering in the shame of his lie. The loin had merely been an excuse: something to keep the butcher busy while he drank his curiosity like some writhing leech dredged up from the water.

It made him drunk. He made note of it in his book and swore that would be the end of things. This odd affair made it easy to forget, his stomach turning in guilt and disgust at the thought of repeating the act. He was fine and healthy without blood, therefore there was no need to partake. He could go the rest of his life perfectly happy never drinking another drop. Until the day it fell from Geralt’s lip.

Jaskier stared at it from across the room. Geralt had just returned from a fight, his eyes and blood black with potion. His armour was scratched up, covered in foulness from monsters unknown, but he was alive and whole, hardly bruised. Jaskier tried to focus on the smell of the guts dripping from his armour. It was still as disgusting as ever, even with vampiric senses to influence his opinion. The wretched blood was still unappetizing. But above it, he smelled a strange scent: sweet, a touch of iron. And there, shining on Geralt’s lip, the wet glisten of blood.

He swallowed hard as Geralt wiped the cut on the back of his hand. The blood smudged along his chin, all the more enticing. His knuckles turned white on the sheet of his bed as he held himself in place. Ordinarily, he would be up on his feet to help coax Geralt out of his armour by now, but he did not trust himself to be so close.

Geralt shed his shoulder pads, looking at Jaskier from the corner of his eye. “It’s a bit slippery,” he said. He inclined his head, beckoning Jaskier over. That was their way. They did not ask things from one another. It was simple routine, and the brief lapse was something awkward to acknowledge.

What excuses could he provide? Jaskier stood on trembling legs and made his way, biting his own lip to hide the fangs he felt beginning to grow. His fingers were clumsy as he fumbled with the clasps, far too close to Geralt’s face. His breath caught, watching a bead of dark blood roll down his lip, over his chin. His lip was stained black.

Geralt had always had nice lips, Jaskier felt. He was always reminded torturously of this fact when he helped Geralt out of his armour. How could one undress such a man without indulging in the fantasy of what came after, even a little? But oh, it was a dangerous line of thought. Now he was bewitched by his senses, his focus single-mindedly drawn to that point on Geralt’s lip. To kiss him now, to lick the blood from his lip—it would be divine. He felt his heart beat faster at the prospect, his hands stalling to unbuckle Geralt’s breastplate as he stared. Just one taste. One kiss was all he wanted.

A hand pressed against his chest, stopping him short. Jaskier startled out of his unconscious reverie and looked at Geralt in horror. He hadn’t—! Had he? His attention flicked between Geralt’s eyes and his lip, and to his relief, the blood remained untouched.

“Not just now,” Geralt said, voice rumbling in his chest. “The potions might paralyze you—at least for a day. Anything lesser would die from a drink of it. It turns my blood to poison.”

Jaskier blinked, edging back. “I … don’t understand your meaning,” he feigned.

Geralt followed him, stepping forward. He raised a hand, caressing Jaskier’s cheek gently. “I know,” he said. “You’re not the best at keeping secrets. I noticed some time ago you stopped aging, and there’s no shadow at your feet, even on the brightest afternoon.”

He swiped his thumb over Jaskier’s bottom lip. Jaskier gasped, his lips parting, and Geralt pushed in. Then, his thumb was pushing Jaskier’s top lip away, revealing a glistening fang. He nodded, satisfied, and stepped back once more.

“You’re a vampire,” Geralt said. “And not a common one either. My medallion doesn’t react to you at all.” He chuckled and added, “As if you could be common by any measure.”

Jaskier turned away, picking up one of Geralt’s shoulder pads. He clutched it to his chest, whether for protection or for comfort he could not say. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I was afraid to tell you … afraid what you might say. What you … might do.”

A warm hand smoothed down his arm comfortingly. There was a teasing quality to Geralt’s voice when he spoke. A hand wrapped around Jaskier’s waist, making him nearly jump in surprise.

“In regards to what: the knowledge that you’re a vampire, or the knowledge that you want to kiss me?” Geralt asked, words hot against Jaskier’s neck.

Jaskier shivered, the adrenaline of his fear quickly turning to something sweeter. “Both,” he sighed. He closed his eyes, trying to focus, to understand Geralt’s intent.

“You cannot drink of me tonight,” Geralt whispered, “but I can satisfy that other hunger, if you only have the discipline to keep your teeth to yourself.”

“What are you saying, Geralt?” The way Geralt’s hand slipped lower and lower down his front, Jaskier thought he knew. Even so …

Geralt chuckled, nose pressing to the back of Jaskier’s neck. “I’m saying I’m tired of the way you look at me like a man starving and refuse to do something about it. It’s gotten worse. It was bad enough before, waiting for you to make your move, but since your turning, it’s insufferable. I feel like the centerpiece of a banquet, waiting to be devoured.”

“You said I couldn’t kiss you,” Jaskier said, breath coming up short as he felt himself pressed back against a firm chest, a second hand coming up to tug at the edge of his chemise. “I have no discipline whatsoever. And you know that.”

“Well then.”

Jaskier dropped the plate of armour as he was pushed backward. He fell, his knees caught by the edge of the bed. Arms caged him on either side, and above him. Geralt smiled, a drop of blood falling onto the sheets below. He pressed his thumb to Jaskier’s mouth once more, something ravenous in his eyes.

“Well then,” he repeated. “Looks like I’ll have to devour you instead.”

[its-elvie-innit]

I thought of this and immediately went “THEORY” because my mouth apparently has no impulse control

FuriousG, speedrunner on youtube and official DSMP CC NOW WOO!! Has said that he is canonically a deity, and canonically a totem deity- he spawns with em, he has that power, that’s not just his skin - it’s what he is.

According to one of the front-page posts [second hand information, but It’d take a long time for me to find the timestamp right now] he also said he’s not going to get involved in lore/roleplay for a while. A couple weeks, maybe two, just going to vibe as ya do when you’re a totem-shark deity [more weird genealogy yayyyyyyyy] but like that leaves quite a while !! for some of these plotlines to get finished up, right?

It leaves quite a while for the server to get demolished, right?

\

Let me lay out the timeline here:

Minecraft 1.17 has a confirmed release date of mid-2021, we can  assume the server restart is going to line up with that  even if it’s a couple weeks off both ways; we know that Tommy and tubbo,  two of the last big players in the main plotline from season one are on their last canon lives  and have a very high chance of dying within the next week. We can guess that at least one of them is going to be gone soon.

We also know that there’s been a big freakin increase in egg lore recently, HUGE in fact. The egg started growing again, Bad was leeched [whatever that means], roots have been planted in the L’manburgian pit. Puffy’s made an alliance with them for pete’s sake!!! Practically everyone except Jack Manifold and that homeless guy have been securely placed, and I’m not counting Jack because of who he’s placed with. Somebody from Snowchester is going to die, and Jack is the only one there who has more than one canon life.

So we have a massive supernatural egg that controls people, that bears a striking resemblance to a certain musical that ends in apocalypse, the last two players that can only really fit into the main plotline set up to be partially killed off, a final dispersement of players creating new factions across other areas of the map, and certain content creators diversifying content, which y’know, tends to make clean breaks less jarring, and a character who acts as a “god of revival” with a ticking clock for 1.17.

I mean that’s a pretty clear picture right.

FuriousG is going to be used as a living totem, a plot device that can revive anything. There’s three main possibilities I can think of for his use;

One- The Wilbur Soot revival

Two; The Finale Fight [less than a week from now, 1/16]

and Three= A Full Fucking Server Reset.

Number one and number two kind of go together. You set the stage for a dramatic revival, an easy sacrifice. Tubbo or tommy on the ground, maybe both, and maybe both can be revived, maybe just one. If it’s Tommy left alive [with or without FuriousG’s help, just imagining the angst possibilities I’m in tears] then that’s an easy Jack Manifold kill/reconciliation, and mourning or insanity that kicks off another Wilbur arc and has Tommy becoming unhinged in his morals, possibly giving Jack another canon death. If it’s Tubbo, that’s mourning for him, possibly more unhinged-ness, and either an extreme closeness or an extreme distance with Jack. Ghostbur, finally becoming Alivebur again, and combining that with what would happen if possibility one and two were both simultaneously true? Wilbur learning that his little brother, and someone who was like his little brother were dead? Simmering in the angst. Positively Simmering.

Three, though. We know three is coming. We know that there will be a server reset, but now we can make a pretty good guess on how.

It’s the apocalyptic egg.

The server is broken. People are either dead or eggified, the server has been taken over. There might be someone trying to finally destroy the egg, they might fail, but the smp is essentially dead. The blood vines have choked out any vegetation and the buildings are practically overrun with pulsing, breathing, living vines, spikes stabbing into the walls; the smp had thought Dream a god, but in truth he was only a mortal [the one thing he had only ever really been truthful about] and as a mortal had fallen to the Egg. Maybe, though, maybe Dream was a god, maybe he had lied and the egg was his creation, something to truly make everyone a family. It doesn’t matter, because the world is dead, so many people are dead, so many people are living dead.

And with death comes revival, and with death comes totems, objects that can revive anything, that can revive everything, and so while Furious cannot kill, he can revive. And with the egg being essentially pure death, when the world revives then all traces of death is gone A god who cannot die is borne with the world, and the seed from 1.16.4 is now reborn into 1.17.

The world starts again.

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

[sprnklersplashes]

written in ink (cadnis one-shot)

Ever since Janis could read, she's known one of the biggest plot twists in Harry Potter. Not because she worked it out, but because it's been tattooed on her skin all her life. Her soulmate spoiled Dumbedore's death for her.

The AU where the first words you hear your soulmate say are tattooed on your body, Cadnis style.

Since she was old enough to read, Janis had wondered what her soulmate’s first words to her could mean. It’s pretty scary, especially for a kid, knowing that the first words you ever hear your soulmate saying will be about someone dying. She’s puzzled over who the future death might be even more than she has about who her future soulmate might be. She doesn’t want to ask her parents for fear it’s someone close to them, nor does she think to look it up at her young age and so for the first few years of her life her world is dominated by one, huge, unavoidable question; who in her future dies, and what they are to her soulmate.

But then she’s old enough to know about Harry Potter, and she doesn’t need to wonder any more.

Her soulmate tattoo, etched in black across her ribs, reads I just can’t believe Dumbledore died.

She got two pages into Philosopher’s Stone before she made the connection and flung the book across her bedroom, her eyes popping out of her head and her jaw on the floor. The first question on her mind is “what kind of insane author kills off the main character’s mentor?”, but soon she’ll learn that frankly, that is the least of JK Rowling’s problems. The second question is “so… my soulmate is into Harry Potter?”. And then the third question comes slowly, creeping into her brain with tentative steps and simmering excitement, “so when do I get to meet them?”.

She doesn’t get a quick answer to that last one.

It’s a bit of a pain really, having a major spoiler to everyone’s favourite book series permanently written on her body. For one, there’s always a surge of pity in her chest when she sees people with the books, oblivious to the impending death of a beloved parental figure. Like God’s cursed her with forbidden knowledge that places her above her classmates, where she can watch them live in blissful ignorance until they reach the fated book or movie or just Google it because they’re too impatient. Janis is denied that luxury, her knowing of events yet to come too much for her to even give the books a chance. They’re not worth the way her heart clenches painfully in her chest whenever the wise old wizard comes in.

Okay that was an exaggeration. There are far better books out there that she’s happy to read. But that doesn’t change how the words seem to burn on her skin. No one likes spoilers after all.  So when she changes before PE it’s in half the time it takes the other girls and she covers it up with make-up during the summer. And then kids start to get nosy and what should be an intimate secret is tossed around carelessly, and she starts teaching herself the art of lying.

Regina’s the one who asks first. They’re 12 and it’s a sleepover and she’s sprawled across her bed, her chin resting on her closed fist, her eyes glinting dangerously in the half-light.

“Okay Janis. Truth or dare.”

“Truth,” she chooses. She’s not scared of dares, but she’s smart enough to know better than to take a dare from her.

“Okay,” she says, her lips curling into a sly smirk, one that makes Janis bite on the inside of her cheek and wish she could take it back. Sometimes she forgets how slippery Regina can be, especially on days like today when she’s been nothing but bouncy and fun and kind. She forgot that this side to her best friend even existed, the side that takes jokes too far and tries to pry Janis open like she’s a treasure chest. All that comes back to her when she tosses her perfect hair over her shoulder and raises her eyebrow, and she’s reminded that sometimes she doesn’t actually like hanging out with Regina.

She’s also reminded that she hates Truth or Dare.

“What does your soulmate tattoo say?”

“That’s private,” Janis reminds her, hugging the pillow tighter against her chest. “You’re only meant to tell your soulmate.”

“I know,” she scoffs, rolling off the bed and shuffling towards Janis. “But everyone tells people. And if you can’t tell me, your best friend, who can you tell?” Her tone is like the satin sheets on her bed, soft and comforting and familiar that Janis almost falls for it and tells her. Besides, Regina doesn’t even read Harry Potter, right? So it’s not like she would care… But other people might. And Regina might tell other people. Or Gretchen. Or Karen. Most likely Karen. And Karen could tell who-knows-who, who could tell who-knows-who, and then before she knows it she’s ruined Harry Potter for her entire grade. And then anything could happen to her. Taylor Wedell got her head shoved in a toilet for spoiling the end of Gossip Girl. And Janis really likes her head.

“I’m not telling, Regina,” she says, shrugging. “I’m sorry. That’s private.”

But there’s no word Regina George hates more than ‘no’. Her eyes narrow and her face falls into a pout even as she shrugs it off, telling Janis that she’s making a big deal out of nothing and if she won’t tell her that’s her problem. Janis tries to make it up to her, saying that she can ask anything else, but Regina won’t listen, deciding she wants to braid Karen’s hair instead.

They spend the rest of the night in a prickly silence and it takes a week before Regina returns to normal after that.

Damian is her next friend and he’s far better company than Regina is. He shows her his tattoo of his own volition, proudly extending his arm so she can see the words ‘can you do that again?’ written there in a rushed scribble. He confesses that he’s compared it with every other boy’s notes in their year, trying to see if he’s already met his other half and just forgot.

“I don’t think you can do that,” she tells him as they walk home from school one day, aged fourteen. “My mom said that when my dad first spoke to her it changed everything else. Like the minute she heard those words, nothing else mattered. She described it as some flower opening up in her chest.” She rolls her eyes a little, unsure if she’s inclined to believe all that. “It was really poetic.”

“Sounds beautiful,” he remarks, kicking up a pile of leaves. “Is that why you won’t tell me yours?”

“Sort of,” she sighs. “Hey, do you like Harry Potter?”

“I guess,” he replies. “I mean I’m more of a fan of the lore than of the books itself, what’s your house, I’m a Hufflepuff-”

It’s months later when they watch the sixth movie for the first time. The two of them on the sofa in Damian’s basement, Janis half-paying attention, half-working on a drawing. Damian is on the edge of the couch, his eyes wide and his hand slapping Janis’ leg every ten minutes. Despite telling herself she doesn’t care, she does, but it isn’t in the way Damian thinks she does. Her heart hammers against her ribs through the whole movie and nearly stops in every scene Dumbledore is in as she wonders if this is it, the moment she’s had carved into her skin her whole life.

She lets out a loud, relieved “finally!” when he eventually up and dies, prompting Damian to turn to her with his mouth open and his eyebrows shot up to the ceiling, a silent ‘Janis, what the fuck’ on his face.

And it’s then she tells him, tells him about the words on her chest and the secret she’s kept and how someone she’s never met ruined one of the biggest franchises in pop culture for her.

Damian laughs so hard his cat has to run over and check he’s not dead.

                                                                                                    *****

Janis sits on her desk in the art room, studying her piece from every new angle she can find. Not many people are in, given that it’s only the second week of junior year, which gives her a space to work on her own. Thanks to her spending the better part of her freshman and sophomore lunch periods in here, the art teacher gives her free range over the place and leaves for her cigarette breaks when she comes in, telling her not to touch anything and help herself to the cookies in her drawer but not to tell anyone else. And with just two seniors in and devoted to their work, she sits on the desk, her foot on the chair and a paintbrush between her fingers, trying to find the right colour.

“Good morning starshine!” Damian sings, earning him glares from the seniors. “Ooft, tough crowd.”

“They’re trying to focus,” she tells him, handing him a cookie. Sure Miss Peters said not to give the cookies to anyone, but Damian’s not anyone.

“My apologies to them,” he says in a low voice, leaning against the table and taking in her newest piece, a mermaid with flowing black hair and delicate purple eyes, the little fangs on her mouth the only allusion to the danger she holds. “That’s cool.”

“You think?” she replies, pride thumping in her chest.

“I know,” he says firmly, a smile on his face and the kind of wholesome honesty that only moms, grandmas and Damian Hubbard know how. “Did you hear the tea?”

“What?” She avoids school gossip like the plague, knowing all too well how it feels to be on the receiving end, but if Damian is telling her it’s either important, completely harmless or hilarious.

“There’s a new girl in our grade,” he tells her. So it’s the first one. “The student activities committee was telling me. Apparently she moved here from…. Kenyaaaa…” He drags the ‘a’ out for as long as his mighty lungs will allow, wiggling his eyebrows for dramatic effect.

“That’s neat,” she remarks, secretly getting a kick of Damian’s wounded puppy ‘why aren’t you appreciating my dramatics’ face. It’s a little more than neat, new kids aren’t really common in North Shore, especially ones from Kenya. “What’s her name?”

“Katie Heron, apparently,” he says. He opens his mouth to say more but he’s cut short by the bell ringing, ending their free period. With a sigh, Janis places her picture back in her folder and tucks it under her arm. Damian skips along beside her, filling her in on the whispers of the drama department about the upcoming musical and telling her he’s secured a room for their LGBTQ+ club movie night on Friday. She chats along, suggesting some more movies to add to their list and agrees what snacks to bring and asks him to get a list of dietary requirements from everyone. The normal kind of stuff that she deals with on normal school days.

But in the very very back of her mind, the name ‘Katie Heron’ sticks, and she’s not entirely sure why.

As fate would have it, she sees the new girl at lunch. It’s pure chance, she just happens to look up at the right moment in the right direction and sees an unfamiliar face in the cafeteria. And quite frankly, she’s pretty. She’s tiny, impossibly tiny, as in a kind of tiny that should probably not be legal, with long, caramel-coloured hair, braided at the top and the rest falling past her shoulders. She’s not too far away from her and she can see the wide smile on her face, innocent and excited, dimples in her rosy cheeks, and while she can’t see what colour her eyes are, she can see them lighting up as she looks around the cafeteria. She stands out, even in her cargo shorts and plaid shirt. Like the rest of the cafeteria-including Janis- was drawn in pencil but she was drawn in pen.

There’s something in her gut, something pushing her to go say hi, maybe invite her to sit with them even though that wouldn’t be normal for her. Damian’s the one who does that anyway and she’s just the arm candy. There’s no reason she should single this girl out other than the fact that she’s new. And she looks a little lonely, wandering around tables, her neck craning for an empty seat. Maybe Damian can do the talking and she can just smile.

Janis very nearly does approach her. She pushes herself up and makes to head in her direction. But one thing, one crucial thing, stops her.

Regina. Regina slides up to the new girl with a beaming smile and a no-doubt sweet, breathy voice, touching new girl-Katie’s-shoulder and tugging on her arm, asking her to come have lunch when them at their table, all the way on the other side of the cafeteria. She happily agrees and Regina links arms with her and escorts her away from the art freaks and towards Plastic Land, where Regina’s word is the word of God. She can tell her anything and New Girl will believe her.

Janis slumps back down, a cold, heavy weight in her stomach. She scoffs at herself and shakes her head, no clue why she’s so upset, since she doesn’t even know her. Damian’s eyes meet hers and he pats her shoulder sympathetically, a ‘maybe next time’ said softly to her. But when she spies her at the Plastic’s table amongst the pink and gold, she wonders with a heavy heart if there will be a next time.  

She crosses paths with the new girl three times in the following week. During that week she learns that her name is Cady with a C, a D and a Y, not Katie. She also learns that she’s taking AP calculus, she really likes math and that she used to live with animals. She also works out that she’s in her French class but was sick that day, and that the empty seat captured her attention more than anything their teacher said did.

She’s also learning that she might be becoming a stalker.

“So are you going to talk to her?” Damian asks her during gym.

“Why would I?” she replies, slowing down her pace once she’s out of the coach’s vision.

“Because you like her,” she replies, drawing out the ‘like’ for as long as his lungs will allow, as though the longer he says it the more Janis likes her.

“I don’t even know her,” she reminds him. “You probably know her better than I do.”

“Yes, and I know you better than you know you. So I know you like her.” She rolls her eyes, unable to find it in her to correct him. It’s not untrue. “I also watched you obsessively stalk her Instagram and Facebook accounts for a solid thirty minutes so...”

“Oh stop,” she scoffs, laughter in her voice. “You didn’t stop me so that’s 90% on you.”

“Oh so I have to steer you straight?”

“Well that would be an accomplishment,” she grins. “Considering.”

“Hubbard, Sarkisian!” the coach barks at them from the middle of the field. “Pick up the pace and stop the chatting or it’s two more laps!”

They speed ahead and lower their voices, privately discussing what they think of the coach and his new shorts and what they’d like to do to his head with those dodgeballs.

                                                                                               *****

By Friday, Janis has almost forgotten about her crush-that’s-not-a-crush on Cady. Well, she’s not forgotten it but she’s put it to the side. Well, not to the side, but it’s away for now. Well, not away but… Cady wasn’t the first thing on her mind when she woke up, so she’s calling it progress.

At least the LGBT+ movie night provides a welcome distraction. They only have the hall for the next few hours, just enough time for Pride and Love, Simon and finishing off with a few episodes of One Day At A Time, which is a cheat, since they’re not movies, but they’re the only thing short enough to fill the remaining time.

Janis takes charge of snacks while Sonja and Sophie argue with the IT guy over how to use the projector, Sophie’s hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder, pulling her down when she gets too heated. Janis tries not to wonder if her girlfriend will do that for her one day. She’s trying to banish all thoughts of romance entirely, but Sonja is leaning on Sophie and holding her hand as they look at the computer together and it makes Janis’ chest ache and images of a certain brunette creep into her mind.

The more she tries not to think about Cady, the more she does, so much so that when the doors open and Cady jumps in with the Mathletes and their matching jackets, Janis is half-sure she’s imagining it.

And then she panics.

“Holy crap,” she whispers, slapping Damian’s shoulder again and again until he acknowledges her. “Damian, Damian, Damian!” There’s a knot in her stomach and a familiar feeling of being pulled towards her, like there’s an invisible rope around her waist.

“I see her!” he replies, grabbing her hand both to comfort her and stop her from slapping him again. His hands come around her shoulders, straightening her back and holding her up as Cady wanders over in their direction. Her eyes happen to find them and her face breaks into a smile, and for an insane moment, Janis thinks she’s smiling at her. Which would be ridiculous because they’ve never said one word to each other. The only reason she might smile at her is if she was being extra-friendly or if she was her-

No, she tells herself sternly. Not the S word.

“Oh, Janis, Damian!” Kevin hollers, jumping down the hall to them with the rest of his crew. Janis wipes her hand on her shorts, giving what she hopes is a normal smile. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey Kev,” Damian replies, offering a high-five.

“You guys met my girl Cady?” he asks, gesturing to her. Met is a funny word in this scenario. I wish is the response Janis thinks but doesn’t say out loud.

“We haven’t had the pleasure,” Damian replies, eyeing Janis and grinning. “Hubbard comma Damian. This is my amusing sidekick, Sarkisian comma Janis.” His introduction makes Cady laugh and it sounds like a bell ringing or part of a melody being played.

“We’re introducing her to American pop culture,” Marwan adds just as Cady is opening her mouth to speak. She closes it, a pleasant expression on her face but her hand is clenched into a tight fist. “But we need a break from Harry Potter. That’s too dark. We watched Half-Blood Prince and oof” He makes a cutting-your-head-off gesture with his hand, his features twisted into over-dramatic "yikes". Cady nods along enthusiastically and opens her mouth, a sense of urgency in her face, as though one might cut her off, and Janis is almost excited to hear her. Holy crap, is this having it bad?

“I just can’t believe Dumbledore died!” she exclaims. "I mean who does that?"

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit.

It doesn’t happen the way Janis’ mom described it. Rather than a flower blooming in her chest it’s a truck hitting her at full speed and sending her flying, her mind turning to static at those words and the pieces don’t even have time to connect in her brain before she yells-

“It’s you! You’re the one!” And at that, Cady’s mouth falls open and her eyes bulge as her hand flies to her forearm. For years, this girl has occupied Janis’ mind, and now she’s face to face with her, and in her most dire moment, rational thought has abandoned her. “You ruined Harry Potter for me!”

“Well… that’s not how I thought this was going to go down,” she mumbles, her pale cheeks turning pink.

As she comes back to herself, Janis looks around her, finding a face looking at her everywhere she turns. Some are amused, some shocked, some annoyed, some confused. But they surround her and the room starts closing in on her, making her feel like caged animal in a zoo, a spectacle for people to discuss over lunch. It’s a familiar feeling all right.

Her eyes meet Cady’s, terrified brown meeting bewildered blue and alongside the heavy cloud of embarrassment and the jagged anxiety, she feels a stab of guilt for doing this to her and it all threatens to crush her. So she does what feel most normal for her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and she finds herself running towards the doors and out into the hallway.

“Janis, wait!” Cady calls after her, her sneakers squeaking on the polished floors. She catches up to where Janis is standing, taking in deep breaths and pulling herself back together. Cady hovers in front of her, unsure of what to do, which isn’t what Janis expected. Shouldn’t soulmates just know?

“Sorry,” she repeats, straightening up. “Sorry I shouldn’t have flipped out like that.”

“S’okay,” she replies with a shrug, tapping her toe against the floor. She gives her an adorably sheepish look, one that makes Janis want to hold her tight forever. “Sorry I ruined Harry Potter for you.”

“Oh it’s fine,” she scoffs. “Seriously. Percy Jackson’s the superior children’s series. I wasn’t losing sleep over it.”

“I’ll make a note to read those,” she says softly, stepping a little closer to her. When she looks up at her, Janis feels it. The feeling her mom told her about. The flower opens in her chest and her worries begin to fade at the edges. Right now is the moment she begins hoping and daring to be brave, which is new for her. But there’s something, always something, or rather someone that looms over her and threatens it, even when she’s not physically here. She got her claws into Cady first and Janis can’t not be freaked out by that.

“I don’t know what you’ve heard,” she begins.

“I’ve not heard anything,” is what Cady replies in a firm voice. “Not anything worth repeating.”

“You haven’t?” Janis asks. The urge to pick at her nails rises in her. “Because… I know people-”

“Regina?” she says. She stuffs her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, her expression half-smile, half-grimace. “Yeah. She told me stuff. But…”

“But?” That makes her laugh again, and even though it’s soft and more of a breath, it’s beautiful to her.

“But you know… I’m not going to trust someone who uses slurs that freely,” she says, quirking an eyebrow. “Or who keeps a burn book about other people.” It takes a lot of self-control not for Janis not to hug her right now. Her anxiety dissolves almost entirely, replaced by feelings that are new and exciting and safe, above everything else. She feels safe with her. Maybe that’s what a soulmate means. Having someone be your safety net.

“You know…” she begins, sneaking a glance back inside the gym, where the movie has already started playing. “These things are great, but they seem to have it under control. Maybe you and I could go to the diner down the street? Get some milkshakes? Hang out? Talk a little?”

“I’d love that,” Cady replies, her cheeks pink and her eyes sparkling. She bites her lip and after a moment’s hesitation, holds out her hand. Her face is expectant but her fingers wiggle nervously. Her fingernails are painted green and on her wrist is a braided leather bracelet. Her hand looks soft and tiny and perfectly suited to hers, just like Cady herself, she supposes.

After more than a moment’s hesitation, Janis takes it, and nothing before has ever felt so right.

[seekingseven]

The Most Sincere Kind of Lie (Ch1)

Chapter 1 of my Linked Universe fanfic, let’s see how this baby goes down! Also available to read here on AO3

┍━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┑

Hyrule's Hyrule did not feel like a Hyrule.

A calm, somber, empty wind threaded its way through the sky and forest and swamps, stirring up the stagnant dust lying on abandoned pathways and tugging curiously at the Links' clothing. The road they walked along was hard and flat, unfamiliar with the shifting anxiousness of wandering travelers and unwilling to leave any memory of their footprints behind. Streams mumbled and grumbled to the south, and the dark, seductive lullaby of the forest wafted in from the north. Hauntingly beautiful and terribly desolate was the only way to describe this place. Not even three hours of walking had yielded sight of a single other traveler aside from themselves.

Hyrule wasn't bothered by this, however. In fact, the traveler had an extra skip in his step and sparkle in his smile, excitedly weaving through the crowd of his incarnations and pointing out distant shadows of distant places with infectious enthusiasm. Infectious enthusiasm was the only proper term for it; Hyrule's amicable and eager attitude had contaminated everyone in the group. Sky hummed a lullaby as they walked along, bopping his head slowly as Wind thumped out the time signature on his chest. Four, Wild and Wars were all huddled around the traveler, trying to guess the names and places of things ahead of them while Hyrule laughed and occasionally applauded their efforts. Even Time and Twilight stared at the darkening sky and pointed out the timid pinpricks of light above, grinning like love-struck fools when Hyrule named each constellation and detailed the lore behind them.

On the other hand, Legend was very much bothered by their current situation. Even after hours of walking, he had no idea where Hyrule was taking them. He had no idea where, or even if, they were going to sleep tonight. Were they going to have dinner? Discuss a battle strategy or cover story for their ragtag group before they eventually ended up in some Nayru-forsaken town? Legend glared at the armor on Time's back. Of all people, Old Man should have had the presence of mind to lay out some semblance of a plan. But instead, he had an arm draped around Hyrule's shoulder and another on Twilight's, looking up at the stars as if they were the answer to all his most profound questions and desires. A smart bunch his incarnations were, Legend thought. They might as well run off the path at full speed and wait for wild monsters to tear them apart if everyone was going to be this idyllic and dopey. Yeah. Idiots. That's all they were. Legend brooded and nurtured his dissatisfaction with paternal meticulousness, almost enjoying the feeling of disgust blooming between his ribs. He thought of how much his feet hurt and how heavy his eyelids felt. What he would give for a good meal and a warm blanket and twenty seconds of reprieve from the noise and racket around him. His eyebrows slipped low over his face, his mouth twisted into its typical grimace, his movements slowed as he began to lag behind the rest of the group.

Goddesses above, he was so, so, so tired.

The silvery, boisterous sound of Sky's laughter shattered the silence Legend had grown extremely fond of over the last few minutes. The disgruntled hero stared up from his feet and stifled a groan as he processed the chaos in front of him. Wind was carrying Sky on his shoulders, swaying back and forth as the former's power bracelet twinkled crazily under the moonlight, and a piggyback race had been declared. Four had hoisted himself on Warriors' back without a second thought, and the two were off, sprinting down a path they weren't familiar with, and towards a horizon they'd never met. A brilliant thing to do in a foreign Hyrule, Legend thought bitterly. At least Time, Twilight, Wild, and Hyrule had some semblance of dignity about them. Oh, scratch that, the insane cook had stripped down to what he called his Sheikah Speedos (whatever on Farore's good green earth that meant) and was now sitting atop Twilight's shoulders. Legend hoped for a split second that Twilight would be level-minded enough to dissuade his protégé from such a reckless pastime. The aforementioned hope melted in the air when the pair shrieked a stream of sacrilegious boasts and sprinted after Wind and Warriors' retreating forms. Hyrule, who was still leading the whole group -- even though they were in his Hyrule, Legend had a sneaking feeling that this was a bad idea -- tossed his shield underneath his feet and quite literally sledded down the path. Legend sighed dramatically. Apparently, Wild's wasteful hobby had tainted even him.

Idiots, the lot of them.

Humid fog skittered over from a nearby river and settled onto Legend's lashes and cheeks. He blinked slowly and yawned again. The arsenal on his back pulled him downwards, and Legend made no motion to resist, relishing the feeling of slack muscles and half-closed eyes and hair flopping in front of his face. He didn't notice how far forward he was slumped until his hands dragged across the floor and scratched the rough skin of his knuckles. Legend glared furiously at the dust beneath him, as if to reprimand its audacity. The half-asleep hero proceeded to slog forward with even less intention than before.

Maybe if he fell asleep in the middle of the path, they would all stop their shenanigans and put their heads back on their shoulders.

"Hey, Legend! Pick it up, yeah? You're moving about as fast as Wind's gramma on a summer afternoon!"

That stupid cook couldn't even let him sleep, huh?

Legend didn't have a comeback, so he just sneered at Wild's silhouette as Wind did the job for him. Sailor boy had quite the vocabulary -- not exactly vulgar but certainly brazen enough to make the aforementioned 'Gramma' blush had she been here. The lazy smile was still plastered over Legend's face when Time broke away from the group and sidled up next to him.

"What do you make of all this?" Time questioned.

"Nothing much. It's all pretty stupid, to be honest." The veteran hero didn't look up from the floor, addressing his sleepy words to the dust underneath him.

Time gave Legend a sidelong look. The sound of laughter and smell of sea salt carried on the wind and grazed the tips of Legend's ears. The Old Man's gaze didn't falter, somehow becoming more childish and bright as he tilted his head genially to the side and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Legend took one look at the dopey look on Time's face and rolled his eyes.

"Not a chance, Old Man. I might hurt your back."  

"My back? Oh no, you misunderstand. I'm more interested in receiving a piggyback ride than giving one."

Legend took an involuntary step back and stared up at Time with incredulity splashed all over his face.

"...?!"

"Ah. You're a poor sport, I see."

"... you're not going to manipulate me into something as humiliating as that."

"Oh well. Worth a shot. But what about Hyrule?"

"??"

"Everyone is getting rides except him. I have a feeling he would appreciate it very much if you would swallow your pride for his sake. Why not help him win that race?"

"Yeah," Legend grunted, "and I would appreciate it if you got off my case and let me be."

They walked on in silence. The Old Man's armor chinked in time with the sea shanty Wind was belting out at the top of his lungs. A few of the other Links joined in, even though they didn't know the words, their voices exploding into an ungodly crescendo as Wind tossed his hands up into the sky. Legend remained silent. He kicked the small pebbles in front of his feet and glowered at the shifting shadows lurking around the path's corners. There was no need to worry -- Hyrule had made it clear that as long as one stuck on the road, there was no chance of being attacked by any monsters -- but Legend's sleep-deprived brain sparkled with anxiety regardless. Snorts and giggles and quips and retorts echoed in the cold air; Time smiled at them, Legend glared. He just wanted to get to a town, eat something, nap, and wake up when Hylia's little shtick was all over.  

"Time!" Wild shouted, snapping Legend out of his reverie, "can you hold these for us? Twi and I have a race to win, and alla these thingamajiggers aren't doing much to help us out." Twilight stumbled over to them, trying to balance the hyperactive wild child spazzing out on his shoulders, and started to say something before Wild promptly dumped an assortment of swords, shields, and shirts into the Old Man's outstretched arms. Twilight stared apologetically up at Time, opening his mouth to speak before Wild tugged his hair demanded they rejoin the fray. Legend had to hold a hand in front of his face to avoid breathing in the dust Twilight kicked up. Time stared on fondly, slinging the swords over his shoulders and scrutinizing the abandoned things around him as the two crazies scampered off. He sat on his knees with a grunt and started sifting through his bag, apparently looking for a sliver of space to put the random shields and clothes he'd been handed. A few random weapons and supplies had to come out before anything else could go in, and Legend scrutinized them with the jaded eye of a seasoned mage. Time pulled out a hookshot (typical), bow (even more so), three separate quivers of ice, fire, and light arrows (untouched for years, if the fine coating of dust around them meant anything), and a strange magnifying glass with a magenta frame and indigo lens. Well, well, well. What could that be? A familiar cold fire tickled the back of his throat -- the same one that prompted him to begin his first journey and propelled him through the rest. It only grew stronger when Legend noticed how the lens bent and scattered the moonbeams falling around it; it was almost as if the artifact was trying to avoid the light. His eyebrows flickered up, and a smirk pinched the corners of his lips. Legend tossed a quick glance first at Time, who was still slowly shuffling around the materials in his bag, and another one at the rest of the Links, who were still racing and tripping and shouting like a gang of toddlers. In one fluid movement, Legend swiped the lens and held it up in front of his grinning face.  

The lens was heavy, not just because of the metal handle, but because of the ocean of magic seething and roiling within. Dark magic, without a doubt; the thick, somber, molasses-like heartbeat of the enchantment couldn't be chalked up to anything else. But said dark magic had obviously been tampered with in some way; there was none of the electric, fiery malevolence ingrained in most cursed artifacts. Perhaps it had been enchanted by a mage with a pure heart and proficiency in the dark arts? Legend's eyebrows pressed together. His fingertips itched to pull out his Magic Mirror and compare the two.

It took Legend a few seconds to register that Time's singular eye was boring into him. Legend startled and took a few preemptive steps back, just in case the Old Man got it in his head to make a lunge for the strange lens. The veteran hero smiled at his companion, balancing the artifact on the fat part of his palm.

"Fascinating. Where'd you get this, Old Man? Never thought you were a connoisseur of corrupted magical artifacts."

Time shrugged his shoulders and stood up, slinging his bag and assortment of swords around his neck. Legend tried very hard not to become uncomfortable under his unflinching, unreadable stare.  

"I don't suggest you play with it," Time finally said.

Legend grinned even wider and pressed the strange artifact to his chest. "You don't say?" He flicked the crimson barbs adorning the top of the lens and tapped the handle with a fingernail. "I can feel the Dark Magic pouring through this lens -- if it even is a lens and not a portal of sorts." Holding it up to the moon, Legend's face contorted in curiosity as the lens snuffed out the light around it. "The weird thing is that there's no malevolence behind the magic. Must have been cast by a powerful mage with no intent to harm."

"Perhaps it was." Despite his words, Time's deadpan words hung thickly in the air and betrayed his complete disinterest in pursuing the conversation further. He held out his hand in front of him, an invitation for Legend to return the lens so the both could continue on their way.

Legend slapped the hand away.

"I don't think so," the veteran teased. "Wanna tell me why you don't want me holding onto this thing? Hiding something, Gramps?"  

"Aren't we all?"  

"Oh please, spare me your existential-crisis inducing lectures. What do these engravings on the side mean?" Legend squinted at the fine letters etched into the rim. "Hmm...Lens of Truth. Is that what it's called? How odd. Hey, what do you say will happen if I look through it?"

"The same thing that happened to my eye."  

Legend's fiery curiosity dimmed and his sense of self-preservation flared. The veteran cradled the lens in his palm and widened his eyes, searching Time's face for any hint of duplicity.

"Really?" Legend whispered.

"Nope." Time replied. The skin around his eyes crinkled. Legend groaned loudly. He should have seen this one coming.

"Ugh. You really had me going for a second there."

"Hmm. Now give it back."

"C'mon," Legend urged, "don't be such a grump. Can't I just hold onto it for a little bit? You know how careful I am with artifacts of all kids, magical or not. Now that I think about it, I'm probably the best person to keep it with. Not like it's doing anything in that bag of yours."

The silence was heavy and disappointing. Legend was about to appeal to his character and reliability once more before noticing the childish glint in Time's eyes.

Oh no.

"Well, maybe if…" Time began.

"I'm not giving you a piggyback ride."

Time's baritone chuckles muffled the sounds of dust crunching beneath their feet. "I was only going to ask you if you would be able to carry all these things for me."

Legend blinked quickly, then sheepishly nodded his head. This was a pretty good deal, actually. He slung Time's bag and the array of swords Wild had dumped off around his shoulders, wincing as they dug into his skin. A sharp prick of jealousy pierced his heart as he watched Time sprint ahead and swing Hyrule onto his shoulders. He shook his head, trying to ignore the sound of Hyrule's soft, shy laughter, and busied himself with the lens in his hands.

What a fascinating thing it was. "The Lens of Truth," huh? Much more enigmatic of a name than "Magic Mirror." He idly bounced the lens in his hand as he thought. Why was it filled with dark magic but free of actual darkness? What kind of truth did it claim to reveal? Why did Time have such a strange artifact sitting at the bottom of his inventory?

His curiosity burned even brighter, and Legend found himself almost skipping down the path.

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

Saria Town smelled like salt, dirt, and the sweat of a community living on the fringes of the world. At Hyrule's insistence, the Links slid off each other's shoulders and sauntered over to Legend to grab their swords, shields, and -- in Wild's case -- clothes. The veteran smiled half-heartedly as the weight on his back was lifted in bits and pieces, eyes and mind still trained on the Lens of Truth. It had been half an hour since the strange artifact had first been handed to him, and he was still no closer to finding any explanation for its weird magical aura.

"Okay, everyone, just some things before we head in." Hyrule's faint voice carried clearly through the crisp nighttime air. "The only building in this town big enough for all of us to stay at belongs to Saria Town's Wise Man. You guys need to be really nice and polite to him, or we won't have any place to sleep tonight."

"Are you saying we aren't always nice and polite?" Sky questioned. Laughter rippled through the assemblage of heroes as Hyrule awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"Well, I'm just saying that some of us struggle, maybe just a little, with that last one?"

Everybody's eyes fell on Legend.

"What?" The veteran said.

Hyrule turned bright red and sputtered out an apology, trying to explain that he hadn't meant to single out anybody with that last statement and he was just trying to make sure everybody knew what the townspeople would expect and that he was so sorry gosh just so--

Legend held out a hand in front of him and bounced the Lens of Truth between the fingers of the other. "I'm not mad," he finally said, walking past Hyrule towards the rickety wooden bridge that led to the small town. "I'll be going now. If anyone feels like joining me, be my guest."  

Saria Town was somehow even quieter up close. A smattering of squat, grey buildings pressed their stomachs to the floor, tender blades of grass carpeting the ground beneath them. Soft light poured out of open windows and spilled on the ground. The sleepy villagers perked up at the sight of Hyrule and widened their eyes at the sight of his entourage, waving shyly and grinning when the whole group waved back.

Hyrule stopped in front of the biggest building in the town, hesitating for a split second before knocking. The Links clustered behind him. A woman dressed in purple answered the door, light spilling out from the crack in the door and glinting off the polished wooden porch. Her eyes widened when she recognized the figure at her doorstep.

"Hello, Link! Oh, you look so tired! Do you need a place to stay, darling?"  

"Yes, ma'am," Hyrule said, "and so does my family."  

┕━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┙

[writingsofspn]

Of Course I Saw You - Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Y/N and Sam head to a bar to get some quality time together whilst Dean is away and end up talking about sirens. You go back to your motel room and wake up in the morning to discover you look like any man’s idea of the most beautiful woman in the world. Who will Dean see?

A/N: I thought a version with Dean would be nice! I like the Sam version so much I thought I’d write another one, enjoy:)

Y/N = Your Name

Warnings: None

Sam Version

(basically same story line, just a different character)

I pictured season 3 or 4 Dean and Sam in this if that helps create a better picture?

————————

“C’mon Sam, we got plenty of time to kill. Live a little.” You sighed, dramatically flopping onto the bed beside Sam, who was deep into reading some lore book.

“Y/N. We got all this research to do. We haven’t finished our case just yet, we can’t just slack off and go to some bar.” Sam rolled his eyes, turning the page.

“Oh please Sam. We need to get some quality Sammy and Y/N time - been awhile since it’s been just the two of us.” You pouted, turning on your stomach and resting your chin on your hands. Sam just stared at you and shook his head.

“Please?”

“Fine.”

————————-

“Cheers, Sammy boy.” You clinked your shot glass against Sam’s and downed it back, the bitter taste burning your throat and warming your body. Sam laughed and shot his glass too, smiling and setting it down.

“So why’d you wanna come out so bad anyway?” Sam asked, pulling his brows together.

“I don’t know. Just felt so stuffy in that motel room. I don’t like Dean being away, I feel anxious; you know? I felt like I needed to get out.” You replied, twirling your empty glass in your fingers. It was true, you hated Dean being away from you for long periods of time. He was up in Michigan helping Bobby with a case and he’d left you and Sam to do a standard salt and burn whilst he was away. When he wasn’t around, you felt nervous. Almost as if something was going to happen when you weren’t there.

“Hey Y/N, I forgot to tell you. I was reading some lore earlier and I don’t think our case is some standard salt and burn. I think we might be dealing with a siren.” Sam interrupted your thoughts, signalling to the bartender that you wanted two more drinks.

“A siren? Really?” You said, quite loudly. Sam put his hand on your arm and told you to be quiet. He pointed to an old lady that had just sat down at the bar behind you. You pulled a face and laughed.

“A siren? Do you think?” You asked.

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure. All these guys are going missing, showing up dead on the docks in the morning. Stories say that these sirens wait near the water and can morph into any man’s idea of the most beautiful woman in the world. They’re so lured in that they go right up to them and ‘boom,’ they kill them.” Sam replied. You were sure spouting his lore tales and stories had become second nature to him now.

“Wow. Imagine being able to turn into any guy’s greatest desire. My god, the power I’d have.” You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “Who’d you see Sammy? Cindy Crawford? Pam Anderson?” You smirked.

“Yeah um...guess you’ll never find out, huh?” He replied, taking the shot in his hand and downing it.

“Maybe we will one day, Sammy.” You held up your glass and laughed.

————————-

It was late when you left, there was no one around. You and Sam had walked back to your motel and were ready to crash. You guessed Sam would have a bad head tomorrow - he’d had a ‘bit’ more to drink than you’d had.

“Night Sammy.”

“Ni-gh-t..” Sam slurred, making you laugh. You turned around and looked at Dean’s empty space beside you. You sighed and buried into the covers, hoping he’d be back by tomorrow.

*morning*

You could feel someone staring at you.

Your eyes flew open and you saw Sam a few inches from your face. You shot up and leant back, pulling the covers up closer to you.

“What the hell are you doing?” You said, frowning at Sam.

“...Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

Sam breathed in deeply and took a step back.

“I think you better look in a mirror.” Sam said, not taking his eyes off you.

“Wow, Sammy. You sure know how to make a girl feel special.” You grumbled, getting up and going to the mirror on the other side of the room. You stood in front of the mirror and put your hands on your hips. “Sam, I look exactly the same as I did yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that.” You replied smartly, turning around and cocking an eyebrow. Sam had his mouth open, his eyes roaming you up and down.

“Y/N, not to worry you but…you know we were talking about the sirens last night? About how they can turn into a man’s greatest desire?” Sam said, taking a few steps closer to you.

“Yeah? And?” You asked, frowning.

What did this have to do with anything?

“I think it might have...happened to you? I don’t know but you sure as hell look a lot like Julia Roberts and she’s...well...she’s who I’d see if I messed with a siren.” Sam pursed his lips, rocking on his heels. You stared at Sam with your mouth hanging open, too dumbfounded to say anything.

“Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this speechless.” Sam laughed, folding his arms.

“What do you expect me to do Sam? Jump up and down and yell ‘hooray’?” You gritted your teeth and tightened your jaw, closing your eyes.

“Hey Y/N, I didn’t realise you felt that bad. We’ll get it sorted okay? I think I already have an idea of who did it.” Sam came over to you and put a hand on your arm.

“Who?” You asked, eyes going wide.

“You remember that old lady that came and sat behind us at the bar? We were literally mid conversation about the sirens. She’s probably into some voodoo stuff or a witch or something. She must’ve slipped something into your drink, I don’t know. But I’ll try ask around and find her, get a cure. Okay?” Sam said, pulling you into a hug.

“Okay. Thanks Sam.” You said against his chest, taking a deep breath. A few moments passed.

“I can’t believe I’m hugging Julia Roberts.” Sam laughed, throwing his head back.

“Ew get off me. I’m not going to fulfill your weird fantasies.” You grimaced, pushing away from him. He carried on laughing, grabbing his jacket and his keys.

———————-

You sat on the bed with your foot tapping the floor anxiously. It was no secret that Dean was famous for loving insanely beautiful women. Though you were his girlfriend and had been for a very long time - you knew he’d probably see some gorgeous blonde with a big rack and long legs and that made you feel extremely insecure. You knew he loved you, but you couldn’t help feel anxious at the fact that Dean might not want you to change if you he saw like that.

*few hours later*

The door swung open and you hoped to God it was Sam walking through with the cure, so Dean wouldn’t have to know anything happened at all.

It was Dean. Just your damn luck.

You swung your legs off the bed and took a deep breath, emerging from behind the wall to see Dean. He had his back to you and in that moment, you felt like you wanted the ground to swallow you up.

“Hey.” You said quietly, rocking on your heels.

He turned around and you almost shut your eyes in anticipation at what he was going to say.

“Hey baby.” He walked up to you and put his arms around your waist, giving you a tight hug. You scrunched your eyebrows together and pushed Dean back at arm’s length.

“What’s up? Are you okay?” He asked, eyes searching your face and body in worry.

“I’m fine, Dean. But...am I not different? Do I not look different to you?” You scrutinised, tilting your head to the side.

“Y/N, you look like you.” He paused briefly before his eyes went a bit wider. “I’m so sorry, did you change your hair or something? If you have, it looks great. But it always looks great. Is that a new shirt? It’s cute.” You cut off his babbling with a kiss, sweet and slow. You pushed your hands up his arms and across his shoulders, resting them on his neck. You pulled away and smiled.

“Well, that was nice. What was that for?” He asked, giving you a smile and pulling you tighter against him.

“Sam and I went to some bar yesterday and we were talking about sirens and what they can do. We think some old lady who was sat behind me slipped me something in my drink and made it that...any man who looked at me saw his idea of the most beautiful woman in the world. And the fact that you’re seeing me is...it’s made me feel like the only girl in the world.” You grinned and gave him a small kiss, pulling away after a few seconds. “Sam is out now, finding a cure.” You bit your lip and smiled, linking your fingers behind his neck.

“Ah, that explains why you were acting weird. Of course I see you sweetheart, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me. You know that.” He smiled, looking kind of hurt at the fact you thought he’d see anyone else but you.

“I don’t know, I thought you might see someone different.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“Not in a million years, darlin’. You’re the hottest chick I’ve ever scored with, and you’re the hottest chick I’ll ever score; because this thing that you and I have, I’m hopin’ it’ll last.” He gives you a lopsided smile and your heart melts.

“You’re so cute.” You breathe before you smash your lips onto his with something much more passionate than earlier. He walks you both over to the bed until your legs hit the bottom and you both fall backwards, giggling.

At that moment, you hear the door open and Sam comes striding in; seeing the two of you and shielding his eyes in disgust.

“Oh my god, my brother’s making out with Julia Roberts.”

Dean stops dead and whips his head around to look at his brother.

“Dude. Julia Roberts? Seriously?”

“Dean. She’s totally hot.”

“You got me there. But she’s hotter.” Dean presses his lips to your neck and you squeal. You heard Sam gag and leave the room, grumbling something about getting his own room next time.

———————

[kirinda-ondo]

So I have some thoughts and feelings about Vishnal Rune Factory

I am aware that approximately two other people besides me care about this, but literally when has it ever stopped me from rambling at length

So basically, I love Vishnal from Rune Factory 4. Like, a lot. I never commit to anyone in farm sims but boy howdy, he managed to hit literally all the criteria I have to be considered a Favorite Character™. He did it so well, in fact, he’s earned a spot alongside characters like Cobalt or Lydia. But like those characters, while there are people who like him, I feel as though he doesn’t get enough credit. The complaints I’ve seen tend to be that he’s boring and that he has the worst proposal event. Hell, one of the first few results from googling him is a thread asking if he’s supposed to be a joke character. While I can see where this sentiment might come from, I’d like to explain the appeal in a lot of the things people find fault in him for (at least for me), and maybe offer a bit of a different perspective, I guess.

If I had to guess where a lot of these problems that people have with him come from, it’s probably the fact that he doesn’t have a lot of lore behind him. To be honest, Vishnal doesn’t really have a whole lot of plot significance. He doesn’t have any direct connection to the capitol of Norad like Arthur or Kiel (via his sister Forte), he’s got nothing to do with the Sechs empire like Doug, and he’s not a guardian like Dylas and Leon. Vishnal, despite working in a castle and serving Ventuswill (who we shall henceforth refer to as Venti), a literal dragon god, is an everyman by comparison. He’s just a guy trying to do his job the best he can.

Similarly, he also doesn’t have a whole lot of mystery or drama behind him either. With pretty much every other bachelor, there’s usually some kind of dark secret from their past that comes up and has to be dealt with, either through the main plot or through their proposal events. To just give you an idea of the kind of things we’re dealing with here, let’s do a rundown.

Doug’s entire tribe was killed by Sechs soldiers, but the empire fed him propaganda to make him believe that Venti was responsible so that he would work undercover for them in order to kill her and take the Rune Spheres.

Arthur was an illegitimate child of Norad’s king and believes that his mother hated him so much she had to take off her glasses so that she didn’t have to look at him, causing him to have severe trust issues (as well as a glasses fetish? Have fun with that, Freud).

Kiel (and by extension, his sister) is trapped in a well-meaning, but incredibly fucked up family dynamic that forced him to be incredibly sheltered while Forte took on the duties of a knight in a heavily male dominated society to protect him. However, since both of their parents are dead, they have no idea that they’re allowed to free themselves and become their own people.

Dylas sacrificed himself to become a guardian, fusing with a monster in order to act as a living life support to help keep Venti alive, but when he’s finally free, he’s hundreds of years into the future, where everything he knows is gone. It’s also implied that before he became a guardian, he was suicidal.

Leon, like Dylas, also sacrificed himself to become a guardian and was flung far into the future. However, he also has the added guilt of believing he left his childhood friend to live the rest of her life emotionally stunted because when he was younger, he made a promise to marry her if she stopped crying so much, but didn’t take it seriously as she did, and couldn’t have kept it even if he did.

Meanwhile, Vishnal has had an utterly average life. In order to help people, he wanted to become a doctor like his father, but felt he wasn’t smart enough, so when he met a butler named Sebastian, he was so impressed he decided to become a butler himself. Though he was worried his father wouldn’t approve of this way of helping people, he was ultimately supportive, helping him train and, through a friend’s connections, getting him to Selphia to work under Volkanon.

Vishnal is basically Clark from Connecticut in terms of how average he is by comparison. However, I wouldn’t say this is a bad thing. Even dealing with one of these traumatic backstories is a lot, let alone trying to harem them all (and don’t even get me started on the main plot’s drama). A lot of the resolutions to these character arcs are followed up by a proposal, and maybe it’s just my age and personal experiences (or the fact that I’m aroace), but when that happens, I don’t get the feeling of “YES, TAKE ME NOW!” I just think “…You literally just found out the thing that’s been screwing you up your entire life was a giant misunderstanding. I get that you’re happy but like, maybe take some time to sort yourself out? See a therapist maybe???”

But Vishnal, for all of his faults (of which there are many and I will get to that later), generally has his shit together. I respect that and find it a breath of fresh air compared to the cavalcade of angst in everyone else’s lives. Not to say that he doesn’t have any problems at all, because then that would be boring, but they tend to be more focused in the present, and are a bit more grounded in reality and less… spectacular. But like I said, we’ll get to that.

What he lacks in terms of dramatic backstory, he makes up for in personality. He’s very… intense, to put it mildly. While not completely hyper, he’s very high energy and it doesn’t take much to get him psyched up. He’s the type of person to put at least 110% effort in everything he does, and nearly everything he does goes towards his goal of becoming the world’s best butler. Unfortunately, as a result, he’s considered one-note. Now, I’m not going to sit here and say he doesn’t talk about butler things all the time, because he absolutely does, but for me, as someone who also tends to get super into things and talk about them endlessly (hence this entire ramble), I find him pretty endearing, if not a tad relatable in that regard. However, for all his single-mindedness, he is still a decently multifaceted character.

Probably the most important thing to note here is that he is a very good person, like “too good for this sinful earth” kind of good. He has a natural drive to help others and doesn’t have a mean word to say about anyone (though even he engages in the ultimate Selphian pastime of Teasing Doug™ on occasion). He’s also honest to a fault. It’s incredibly easy to tell if he’s trying to cover something up because he’s usually pretty much an open book and wears his heart on his sleeve. He seems to expect others to be the same way, as he has a bad habit of taking what people say at face value even if they’ve repeatedly shown not to be trustworthy. This often leads him to be the butt of many a joke or the victim of scams. Other times, lighthearted teasing falls flat as he takes it seriously and winds up getting his feelings hurt. But ever the optimist, he doesn’t let setbacks get him down for long.

He very much believes in the power of hard work overcoming any obstacle, and it seems in his mind, literally anything is possible if you train hard enough, and he’s constantly trying to prepare himself to master every possible scenario, from protecting important secrets by staying silent to becoming invincible to the common cold by constantly being soaked with water. It generally winds up doing him more harm than good, and even Doug worries about him a little bit because Vishnal will do pretty much anything if you tell him it’s special training (though this does not even remotely stop Doug from having a field day with it). Were this not a very “anime” kind of game, it would honestly be amazing if he hadn’t died from any of his training attempts.

Though it may come across as though he has no idea what is actually possible for a human to achieve, he actually seems to have quite a few hangups about his own limitations. He has a massive perfectionist complex and is incredibly hard on himself. He tends to beat himself up quite a bit when he makes mistakes (I mean the man looks utterly devastated every time he screws up lunch) and outright warns the player (who we shall henceforth refer to as Frey) that he may cause her trouble. However, he’s not quite as terrible as he might imply. While he is gullible and very much a klutz, he’s got a wide variety of skills and knowledge he rarely gives himself credit for. For instance, he’s not exactly street smart by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s well-read to a degree that he can actually read things from Arthur’s library (which says a lot because Arthur is a colossal nerd), and he’s knowledgeable on a number of subjects from farming to geography. On the lake date (when it’s not summer), you have the option to ask him more about the kind of training he would do, and he rattles off a list of insane skills (I.e. making tea so good as to become its own singularity…singularitea, if you will) like it’s no big deal. Mind you, given what someone like Volkanon is capable of, that may just be par for the course as far as butlers go in this universe, but for your average person, that’s honestly impressive, if not a bit terrifying.

His confidence (or lack thereof), however, tends to reflect in the quality of his work. In a small example, every so often, he offers Frey his attempt at curry rice. It’s hot garbage, but if she tells him it’s good, he admits he wasn’t very confident in it. However, we see in his prerequisite event (which is a much more overt example) that when he’s more confident in himself, he’s not only able to make actual food, but is downright hypercompetent in his job. For context, he is conned into buying an overpriced statue that, according to blacksmith and Professional Vishnal Scammer™ Bado, will allegedly make him an expert overnight. Wholly believing in this thing, he’s suddenly amazing… until he accidentally knocks it over and breaks it. Utterly devastated and unconvinced that his improved performance came from within, he’s suddenly infinitely worse than he was when he started. Things of course balance themselves out, but we come away realizing that if he had as much self-confidence as he did pure determination, he could easily reach a point where he’d be absolutely unstoppable.

We also see this lack of confidence manifest itself in regards to Frey. If she pursues a relationship, we get quite a bit of evidence that he doesn’t think he’s good enough for her. Before he formally asks her out, he lists all the things he does wrong; all the ways he’s a novice, essentially warning her of what she may have to deal with. However, if Frey’s conquered the RNG and made it this far, then it’s safe to say that she’s prepared to take the risk. On the airship date, he outright says once he becomes an expert, he’ll finally be the perfect man for her. Even during his own damn proposal event, he tells her he’s unreliable. This is incredibly far from the case, as even if he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, he’s doing everything he can to make this work. He works himself even harder to maximize his time with her, he buys (phony) charms from Bado to keep them together, he asks other bachelors for advice (as poor is it may be at times), he literally asks the entire town for date spot reviews, as well as just straight up reading up on how to be the best possible boyfriend.

Eventually, should the RNG gods be smiling, this brings us to the proposal event. Now, one might imagine that this event might follow the thread we’ve been building up here into him learning maybe not to beat himself up so much or becoming a little more self-confident, but no. While this sort of thing happens for a number of other bachelors/bachelorettes, where their prerequisite events foreshadow what’s to come in their proposal events, that isn’t quite the case here. While that development does occur to a degree, it’s a bit more subtle and is not really the focus of this event.

His proposal event instead mainly forces him to consider his priorities. So for some context, a butler judge has come, and if Vishnal does well, he may finally earn his first star and be one step closer to being the ultimate butler. In fact, his abilities are already recognized as worthy of the title, but there’s just once teensy little problem. You see, in butlerdom, your master and your partner being one in the same is a bit of a taboo. Dating your boss creates a whole host of problems, after all; not just for you, but your reputation. And so this is where the conundrum comes in. We already know he’s incredibly dedicated to this career choice to the point that if he doesn’t succeed, he will literally die trying, but he’s now just as dedicated to Frey. Being that this is a proposal event though, you pretty much already know how this is going to end, but just hear me out.

This is currently the biggest decision he’s ever made in his life, and is essentially the emotional equivalent of having to choose between losing your right hand or your left. He obviously doesn’t want to throw away years of hard work, but he’s also not the type to just leave someone behind in pursuit of his own interests. Frey ultimately saves him from waffling back and forth about it forever by breaking things off so he can pursue his dreams, but literally no one is happy with this. Even the judge feels bad and he’s the one who started it. But with this little problem out of the way, Vishnal is free to accept his new rank. Except he doesn’t. After a dramatic, heartfelt speech pointing out that this actually puts him in a better position to serve Frey, and how reputations shouldn’t matter more than protecting the person you’re entrusted to, he whisks her away and proposes. Before she can properly answer though, he’s called back to the castle. In the end, the judge is moved by his dedication, and so Vishnal can now have his cake and eat it too. Short, sweet, and to the point.

It’s probably about half the length of the other bachelors’ events, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. It’s actually a pretty nice contrast between the other proposals. Leon, Arthur, and Kiel have the common thread of having to sort out baggage from their past before they decide to marry. Doug and Dylas, while their events are more lighthearted, are a bit more focused on a lack of communication and resulting misunderstandings that come from trying to surprise Frey with a ring. However, because Vishnal’s life isn’t a veritable conga line of angst and trauma, his obstacle to marriage is entirely in the present, and because he’s so open about his feelings, he and Frey actually have a chance to sit down and discuss where to go from here, so there’s no communication issues. Plus, his situation, while a bit dramatically handled because anime, is actually kind of relatable. Having to choose between a career and a relationship is a situation that happens to a pretty good number of people, and it’s rarely an easy decision. It’s a logical conflict for such a work focused character.

While it doesn’t really overtly follow up on the initial thread that seemed to have been laid out of him learning to be more confident in himself, the transition is definitely there, at least in regards to Frey. It’s just not quite as spelled out in events. Even in his proposal, he’s still self-deprecating, but it’s a far cry from the absolute list of faults he gave initially asking her out. Not to mention, it absolutely takes a whole lot of courage to one, choose love over your life’s dream, and two, to do it in the incredibly dramatic and utterly obliterating manner that he did. The relationship also changes some post-marriage. Post-marriage Vishnal is a much different beast than pre-marriage Vishnal. As we’ve discussed, in the dating phase, he’s a lot less sure of how boyfriend things work, and resorts to asking others for advice and outright studying. Now that he’s married, he’s less reliant on others and is much more forward. He actually tends to be the one to initiate romantic gestures, from goodnight kisses to using his own sappy lines as opposed to borrowing them from Leon, among other things. Truly a far cry from the days where he would agonize over whether or not to even hold Frey’s hand. Sadly, while date dialogue doesn’t really change (with the exception of the room date, where he literally states he’s past being shy and awkward), there’s definitely a more visible shift in the focus of his other dialogue from being even good enough for Frey to being more protective. Jury’s still out on how much this development has affected his work performance, as there’s no real new mentions of it after the fact (though after marriage he is finally capable of making edible curry rice…sometimes!), but at least some degree of his self-esteem is improving.

So basically, to summarize, Vishnal isn’t a bad character. He’s just handled differently than the other bachelors. He’s a bit more grounded in reality as far as his backstory and conflicts are concerned. His development also tends to happen outside of his events rather than being the feature, making it a bit more subtle, and thus a bit harder to spot from a glance, but it’s there. For as much fun as he is as a character, I admit he’s definitely very tame compared to the other bachelor options, even despite the localizers’ attempts to make him spicier, so he’s not for everyone. I can see why others might prefer someone a little more exciting or mysterious, like Leon (who seems to be like, god tier as far as RF4 bachelors go), but I hope I’ve at least adequately explained why Vishnal might be appealing to some and has more merit than just a joke character. After all, vanilla is a flavor too, and plenty of people like that.

Anyhoo, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[prezaki]

A Thousand Second Chances - The life story of Eddie Brock

from Venom (2018) Issue # 2

I just spent a week speed-reading through every single comic appearance Eddie Brock has made in the 30 years since his creation and I fell in love with his character hard and fast. In order to process all that I’ve learned myself, I feel like I need to write down his life story with thoughts and important moments. Figured I might as well make this public since it might help out other new fans who don’t have the time and madness to dig through 30 years of comic history. Any older fans reading, feel free to correct me if I’m getting my Marvel lore wrong, I am VERY new to this and hopelessly overwhelmed.

This fully ignores ‘Venom: Dark Origin’ because it frankly just contradicts every other mention of backstory. It also thus ignores Mary Brock, the sister who was invented to justify the Nova crossover issues and who doesn’t appear outside of these two things, because she frankly doesn’t fit the rest of the lore either.

Content warning for suicide applies everywhere here, it’s a topic that comes up time and time again in Eddie’s life.

This got... long.

Eddie is born as the son of Carl and Jamie Brock. Unfortunately, Jamie passed away during Eddie’s birth, leaving his father emotionally cold towards him. The family is wealthy so Eddie is always well-provided for, but he never receives any affection. In order to win praise, Eddie studies hard (top grades) and gets into sports (beginning his lifelong passion towards muscle training), but nothing is successful. His dad did apparently make some worrisome statements though. (from: Lethal Protector, except for the panel which is from the Maximum Carnage arc)

At some point in his childhood Eddie gets into a car accident that cost Carl a lot of his fortune. Nothing is specified about this as of yet, but it looks like the current arc might go into detail. (from: Venom 2018)

Eddie gets into college and when the Watergate scandal happens, he is inspired to change his career to journalism. This places his birth year around 1950, I suppose? (from: Lethal Protector)

After college, Eddie gets a job at the Daily Globe, where he works as a successful investigative journalist.

At some point here, he meets Anne Weying and they begin a relationship. She describes him as ‘smart, witty and boyish’ (though he’d never show it in front of his father). He used to love taking her to fairs and amusement parks. The two get married. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

During his work for the daily globe he encounters a creature named Krooba. This is some weird bonus story and I only mention it because this panel is honestly hilarious. (from: Marvel Flashback series)

Then the Sin-Eater murders shake New York and Eddie interviews a source who claims to be the culprit - but just as Eddie reveals their identity, Spider-Man catches the real Sin-Eater. Eddie is disgraced as a journalist because he fell for a compulsive confessor. He loses his job with the Globe due to this incident. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

This also fully destroys his relationship with his father whom he now doesn’t have contact to anymore. Anne says he lost his boy-ish charm here and started seeming a little mad. Their marriage falls apart. (from: Lethal Protector)

To make a living, Eddie now has to write made-up stories for gossip magazines. He describes these as ‘venomous’ and that descriptor is the reason for his later pseudonym ‘Venom’. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

He starts body-building excessively during this time in hopes to relieve the tension. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Through all this he blames Spider-Man for his downfall - this is not logical, but hey, blaming others makes things easier. Eddie is a person with an astounding one-track-mind and a tendency for splitting.

Eddie can’t handle the misery of his current life and grows strongly suicidal. However, he is also a practicing catholic and struggles with the fact that suicide is considered a sin. Thus he goes to the Our Lady of Saints church to pray for forgiveness before ending his life. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

In front of the church he hesitates and is encouraged to go inside by Deadpool, who is totally oblivious to Eddie’s actual intentions. Yes, really. (from: Deadpool: Back in Black)

In the church, Eddie encounters the symbiote that Spider-Man brought back to earth as his suit and which he then subsequently rejected after finding out it is a living creature. Both Eddie and the symbiote hate Spider-Man, so they take this as basis to bond together.

Important here is that it is literally canon that Spider-Man inadvertendly taught the symbiote how to love (from: Web of Spider-Man) and that the symbiote wants to try and make their relationship with Eddie more mutual than the one with Spider-Man (from: First Kill). So take THAT as you want.

In the first day of being together with the symbiote, Eddie takes down some criminals who murdered his neighbour and establishes his vigilante killing style through it. (from: First Kill)

Eddie makes first attempts to kill Spider-Man (whose civilian identity he knows thanks to the symbiote’s memories) by pushing him in front of a train and trying to throw him off a roof. (from: Web of Spider-Man)

There’s some weird special story set in this timeframe about how he gets the advice of some veteran he interviewed on the job once to do this. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Then he attacks Spidey directly and they fight in the church.... and well, Eddie dons a priest costume for a while, just... because aesthetic. He does have a flair for the dramatic.

This is probably the appropriate time to mention that from here on Eddie is always naked. Every time you see Eddie Brock wearing clothes, it is the symbiote assuming the shape of clothes. Eddie wears underwear at best and even that is often not present.

Eddie loses this battle with Spidey and is sent to The Vault, a super high security prison. Escaping from there, he kills a guard who happens to be an influential person’s son and well, it bites him in the ass later. Important here is also that Eddie absolutely always laments it when he ‘has’ to kill innocents. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

In trying to get to Peter after this, Eddie visits Aunt May a few times pretending to be Peter’s friend. It is hilarious. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

The next attempt at besting Spider-Man is ended by Spidey pretending to accept the symbiote back, which the symbiote is actually excited about, much to Eddie’s dismay. However, the bond with Eddie is too strong for the symbiote to simply sever it and both symbiote and Eddie pass out from the strain of trying. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

This is a good time to mention that in the 2003 Spectacular Spider-Man run it is revealed that actually Eddie had terminal cancer All Along and knew he’d die without the symbiote, so part of him wanting to kill Spider-Man is a wish to eliminate host body competition and thus survive. I personally absolutely think this is an asspull that undermines a lot of the first 20 years of characterization,  but eh.

Eddie goes back to The Vault and has not one but two run-ins with the Avengers when attempting to break out. Neither attempt is successful and in the end he uses the symbiote’s abilities to fake his own death in order to successfully escape.

A huge battle over who gets to kill Spider-Man happens and Styx touches Venom... the symbiote takes the brunt of this attack to protect Eddie -  and thus they seemingly die for him. And this is like written in 1990. Eddie literally cries about it. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Now a normal human, Eddie is sent to the normal human prison Ryker’s Island where he is cellmates with the serial killer Cletus Kasady. Eddie works out a lot in the cell and it drives Cletus crazy - he brings that up again more than once. Big mad about the muscle gains. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Though Eddie also just plain beats Cletus up during this time because Eddie hates people who kill innocents. This might have contributed to Cletus hating his muscles. (from: Carnage 2016)

The symbiote isn’t dead and returns for Eddie! They break out! Also the symbiote literally gives birth during this process, no biggie. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Venom and Spider-Man fight again. Venom actually gets Spidey unconscious in this battle but instead of killing him then, he... kidnaps Spidey to an abandoned island to have another fight. Eddie just gotta be that extra. During this fight Spidey fakes his death and escapes. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Eddie decides to live happily ever after with the symbiote and just stay on the island. They’re very happy together. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Sometime here, Darkhawk gets stranded on the island, fights Venom, gets spared by Venom. Life’s like that. (from: Darkhawk)

Then he meets Wolverine inside of Wolverine’s nightmare because sometimes Marvel is ???? like that ??? (from: Marvel Presents)

Eddie’d probably have happily stayed on this island forever, had the child the symbiote gave birth to not bonded to Cletus Kasady, creating Carnage. Spider-Man realizes that Eddie, knowing symbiotes, is probably a big help in fighting a symbiote-bonded killer so he reveals himself to Eddie again and gets him off the island to fight Carnage. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Once Carnage is defeated, Eddie just gets sent back to The Vault.

There is some weird episode here where Matt Murdock is his attorney and he tries to get free by pleading insanity and pretending the symbiote died. That fails of course. (from: Trial of Venom)

Then an even weirder episode happens where Venom encounters a bunch of villains and then just ends back up in jail anyway.

Which he then breaks out of and hears Spider-Man’s parents are still alive. This really gets to Eddie because in his mindset (which the symbiote only enhances - they influence each other mutually for the worse at this point) Spidey is a corrupting force and thus he needs to protect... his parents from him.... so he kidnaps the Parkers..... (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Spidey had ENOUGH of Venom at this point and tries to think of new ways to get him to stop already. Thus he contacts Anne and gets Anne to talk to Eddie. Eddie still very much loves Anne. It still takes Spidey saving Anne from falling debris and Anne’s subsequent explanation that Spidey IS saving innocents to make Eddie back off. But hey, he backs off!

And moves back to his birth city, San Francisco. Here a lot of things start happening very rapidly. Eddie encounters an underground city of social outcasts. A family member of the guard he murdered put together The Jury to kill him in retaliation. Life Foundation wants his symbiote. Spider-Man is there. Lethal Protector is a ride and I truly recommend it.

Life Foundation extracts symbiotes from Eddie’s symbiote to try and weaponize them, Spidey and Venom battle them together.

In the end, Eddie also saves the underground city from Life Foundation and moves in there as their protector, much to the joy of local resident Elizabeth who wanted him down there all along.

Then Eddie temporarily goes back to New York because Carnage is back. After getting badly beat up, Eddie comes to Spidey for help and... just goes to sleep on his couch. He changes into pajamas and all.

To stop Carnage, Spidey, Venom and the Black Cat form an alliance but Spidey remains strongly opposed to Venom’s muuuch more pragmatic view on life and death. He isn’t called lethal protector for nothing. Much moral debate is had. Maximum Carnage is a fun arc.

Then Eddie goes back home to his underground city and demonstrates his one-track mind in his solo series Funeral Pyre, where he tries very hard to help an undercover journalist trapped in a gang and still fails, creating Pyre in the process....

During some Daredevil issues, Eddie tries to steal a serum to erase Venom’s weaknesses but in the end doesn’t get it.

During some Silver Sable issues he... exists and helps her gang, I guess.

Then he appears in some Darkhawk issues where they rematch.

Back to solo-series; in The Madness, Eddie gets infected with a sentient virus, making it three people in his body. The virus is pretty crazy and assaults and frightens Eddie’s almost-girlfriend Beck, who is overall already convinced that the symbiote makes Eddie more mad. She states she can’t date him due to this and the two remain simply friends. Eddie gets rid of the virus in the end and returns it to where it came from.

The Enemy Within comes next and it’s just... goblins in San Fransico. Eddie teams up with Morbius against those goblins. Many goblins.

Then Venom fights Hulk because why not. (from: Venom vs Hulk)

Soon after, Venom appears in a few Iron Man issues because he believes Tony Stark’s business practices to be corrupt and tries to kill him for it.

In The Mace, conflict arises in the underground city and causes Mace and Venom to fight one another. Namely, people from the underground city attack others, who attack in retaliation - once Eddie learns that some of his people started this mess, he kills the offending underground city residents (and keeps it secret from Beck who asked him to spare them).

Venom then teams up with Nightwatch for a short appearance in the Nightwatch series.

During Nights of Vengeance both Elizabeth and Beck get kidnapped, inviting other characters to speculate on Eddie’s love life. Eddie states he won’t date either woman as he is too dangerous to date anyone. There’s also aliens who take over minds in this comic. That’s the actual main plot of these issues.

Now it’s time for Eddie’s next return to New York! Carlton Drake and his Life Foundation are working on something called The Arachnis Project (which is also the name of this arc) to create spider humans - hearing of this, Eddie travels to New York to get revenge against Life Foundation for the events of Lethal Protector.

The Jury has started working for Life Foundation in the meantime, though the events of these comics cause that connection to sever. However, they’re still in the same facility, so they do run into Venom there. Jury and Venom try to kill each other while Spider-Man desperately tries to stop any death on either end from happening.

Also Life Foundation gets defeated, obviously. Eddie returns to San Francisco.

Only to come back to NY shortly after due to news about the prison Carnage is held in.

Here, Eddie runs into Peter’s clone, the Scarlet Spider. In battle with him, Eddie gets separated from his symbiote and both of them get taken into custody to be studied, setting up the events of the Separation Anxiety mini-series.

Separation Anxiety marks the first time the reader ever gets to hear the symbiote’s thoughts and the majority of these thoughts are “Eddie” as the symbiote is desperate to return to him.

During this period of extended separation from the symbiote and with nobody to talk to, Eddie begins to reflect on his actions as Venom and starts second-guessing all the murders they committed. For the first time, Eddie is plagued by feelings of guilt.

Eddie gets broken out of this facility by the surviving symbiote-host-combos created by Life Foundation who seek Eddie’s help on how to communicate with their symbiotes. All of them are struggling to not get overtaken, making Eddie’s mutual relationship with the symbiote seem extraordinary.

Meanwhile the symbiote also breaks out and rushes to find Eddie, bond with him again and, in their worlds, ‘become whole, become Venom’. The symbiote does find Eddie in time to save him from Scream, one of their symbiote ‘daughters’.

But after being reuinited, Eddie tells the symbiote that he needs some time to think on his own to really figure out what of their actions was his choice and what was the symbiote’s. (the cap is from Planet of the Symbiotes which picks this back up.)

Before this storyline goes to its conclusion, Carnage briefly returns and travels over the internet, an ability which the Venom symbiote learns as well in the fight against Carnage. He returns back from San Fran to New York again for this. During this arc Eddie also makes a big mistake and almost kills an innocent man named Clive because he mistook him for being a malicious junkie. (from: Carnage Unleashed)

Then in Planet of the Symbiotes we then return to the break-up story. Eddie’s doubts about his own choices continue on strongly and get reinforced by Spider-Man to a point where Eddie rejects the symbiote. The symbiote, in emotional pain after this temporary break-up begins wailing. This wailing can be heard so far in the galaxy that it actually alerts the other symbiotes to the existence of earth, causing them to begin an invasion.

During this invasion, Eddie’s symbiote returns to him and reveals that for their species, they are considered abnormal because they seek to have a relationship with a host rather than dominate them.

The solution to the invasion is to let out an even more powerful mental scream to overwhelm the symbiotes with despair - Eddie and his symbiote fully bond again to achieve this and thus save earth. This is the arc that the movie presumably took Venom betraying his species for Eddie from.

Then during Sinner Takes All, we meet Anne again! There is a new Sin Eater around and she is being targeted - obviously, Eddie can’t let that happen and sets out to protect her. To heal her injuries, he lets the symbiote bond with her but doing so unleashes violent urges in Anne. She temporarily turns into She-Venom and murders a group of men who were attacking her. Once returning to her senses, Anne is horrified and gets away from Eddie - only to be taken hostage by an assassin who came to take revenge on Eddie for Clive, the person he almost killed during Carnage Unleashed. In the end, Clive himself calls off the manhunt on him, claiming vengeance wouldn’t make him feel any better.

Here continuity gets a little confusing because the next comic, Along Came A Spider, takes place soon after Planet of the Symbiotes and makes reference to Eddie not having talked to Anne since. This is why most continuities place Sinner Takes All before Planet of the Symbiotes, but that doesn’t quite make sense either due to the progression of Eddie’s and the symbiote’s relationship. Ah well, it is a mystery.

Anne is now under police protective custody, but the police also want her help to capture Venom. When Eddie calls, the symbiote travels over the phone-line and partially merges with Anne, which ends up also merging Eddie’s and Anne’s minds. Eddie immediately sets out to find her and retrieve her from the police.

On the way out, Venom gets into a fight with Spider-Man, which gives the police time to arrive and arrest Anne. When Anne calls Eddie from custody, she begs him not to come and bust her out, which he agrees to... but sends the symbiote through the phonelines instead, turning Anne into She-Venom once more.

Once the symbiote is back to Eddie (after some more fighting), Anne announces she wants nothing to do with him anymore because she never wants to get close to the symbiote again. She tells Eddie that only if he resists the symbiote and stops his vengeance quest, she’ll talk to him again.

Then Anne gets tangled up again anyway, as Rune frames Venom for murder and Venom has to save her once more. (from: Rune vs Venom)

Next there is a serial killer on the loose in New York! The police strongly suspect Venom to be the culprit, but it turns out to be Xenophage, eating everyone who has a symbiote inside them. (from: The Hunted)

While running from the police, Eddie temporarily assumes the identity of a skater and joins a group of skater kids under the name Rad Eddie. (from: The Hunted)

Eddie defeats the Xenophage. (still from: The Hunted)

Then comes The Hunger, one of the gayest comics from the 90s for sure. It starts out with Eddie and the symbiote holding hands at the movies. But Eddie once again has reason to suspect that the symbiote is making him more violent.

When Venom winds up actually eating someone’s brain instead of just using this threat as a catchphrase, Eddie is horrified. Seeing that Eddie will refuse any further brain-eating, the symbiote leaves Eddie. Eddie gets captured by Dr. Paine and experimented on.

Eddie finds out that the symbiote needs a chemical that is in brains but can also be supplied in other ways. Before he and the symbiote can fully bond again, Dr. Paine kidnaps the symbiote to also experiment on.

Of course, Eddie saves the symbiote and also finds out that chocolate nourishes his symbiote just as well, so he buys them heartshaped chocolate. (all from: The Hunger)

Then Venom gets pulled into some other dimension along with Wolverine, Scream and the skater kids from before. (from: Tooth and Claw!)

Next, Eddie gets finally captured by the police after all and put on trial. Matt Murdock takes over his defense again. When the prosecution calls Carnage for a witness, Carnage breaks loose and Venom, Daredevil and Spidey have to subdue him. In the end, no verdict ever comes as Eddie is secretly recruited by the Overreach Committee. (from: Venom on Trial)

Eddie is pretty delighted with his new James Bond gig. In License to Kill, we get to see him on a mission in great detail. Important here is that the Committee planted a bomb in Eddie’s chest as an emergency insurance to keep him in check.

Venom’s next mission is to protect a formerly corrupt government leader at a speech in a church. For this, Eddie goes undercover as a nun but instead of using the symbiote’s full shapeshifting abilities, he just takes his normal looks, puts on a nun costume and calls himself Sister Edwina. Iconic. (from: Sign of the Boss)

The next mission is... a pretty big misunderstanding. Eddie’s superiors use convoluted language to tell Eddie to scare Jonah J Jameson a little but Eddie thinks he is meant to kill him. In the subsequent clash with Spidey, Eddie hits his head hard and forgets Spiderman’s civilian identity and also the exact reasons for hating him. (from: The Venom Agenda)

The committee now decides that Eddie is way too much of a loose cannon for their taste and they want to get rid of him. While everyone takes too long to decide who should press the killing button, Eddie escapes the committee, but in the subsequent fighting the symbiote is seemingly killed. (from: The Finale)

Eddie without the symbiote is absolutely miserable and once more pretty suicidal. This is the beginning of an era, however, which makes the symbiote out to largely abuse Eddie. So when the symbiote returns, Eddie initially tries to get away from them to avoid more pain, only to be forcibly united with them again anyway. Venom then goes to visit Carnage and... eats his symbiote. Yeah. (from: Peter Parker: Spider-Man)

Venom then joins and subsequently turns on the Sinister Six. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Eddie finds himself missing Anne and wants to start over with her again. When he visits Anne, she is a paranoid wreck. As Spidey, now in a black Venom-esque costume again, swings by her window, she falls into panic. Eddie misinterprets that Spidey is what scares Anne and goes to fight him, but while he does that, Anne commits suicide. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

As Eddie grieves at Anne’s grave, Senator Ward shows up and steals his symbiote. Eddie gets arrested and sent to prison. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Now we’re entering territory of Venom (2003), the worst Venom comic. I don’t know what the hell is going on here, but the majority of it is about another symbiote anyway. At some point during this Eddie gets his symbiote back and fights the other symbiote.

Proving further that 2003 is the worst Venom year, we go on with a comic where the symbiote eats the adrenaline off people (not even what they ate before) and also with the reveal that Eddie has cancer and his cancer made his adrenaline amounts more appealing to the symbiote. To save Eddie’s life, Peter makes him rebond to the symbiote against either of their will. (from: Spectacular Spider-Man)

Then Carnage has another child which he wants to kill while Venom has other plans for it. (from: Venom/Carnage)

The symbiote gets stolen again during Spider-Man/Red Sonja, but it’s overall not that consequential.

What IS consequential is that Eddie is now back to having moral qualms with the symbiote... so he... decides to auction the symbiote off to super-villains and give the money gained to charity. Without the symbiote, his cancer will advance and he’ll die. (from: Marvel Knights: Spider-Man)

Finding out that the person he sold the suit to kills innocents indiscriminately, Eddie attempts suicide once more. He is taken to the hospital and narrowly survives cutting his wrists open. After that, he is kept in the hospital due to his cancer. (from: Marvel Knights: Spider-Man)

In the hospital, Eddie has reoccuring visions of the symbiote urging him to kill. When he finds out May Parker is in the same hospital, the symbiote tells him to kill her. Eddie does comply with killing  a nurse, but stops himself before killing May. He tries to commit suicide once more, only to be saved by Spider-Man. (from: Sensational Spider-Man)

Eddie starts working Martin Li’s homeless shelter, where May Parker also works. A touch by Martin Li, who is actually Mr Negative, heals Eddie’s cancer completely. This also turns Eddie into Anti-Venom - the literal opposite of Venom, a hero who’s touch cures and is harmful to the Venom symbiote. Though Eddie tries to kill his old symbiote, now bonded to Gargan, the symbiote refuses to kill Eddie when Gargan wants it to. Love is a word that is used again. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

Eddie now starts over as a hero as Anti-Venom, healing people and busting drug cartels. (from: Anti-Venom: New Ways to Live)

Eddie is the first one to find out Martin Li is Mr Negative and tries to fight him. He is also the one to reveal Mr Negative’s civilian identity to Spider-Man, temporarily teaming up with him and Wraith to take the crime lord down. (from: Amazing Spider-Man)

At some point here, Eddie offers miracle healings with the Our Lady of Saints church as his headquarters.

When everyone in New York starts developing Spider powers, Eddie heals people from them. In the end, his Anti-Venom powers are all used up in order to large-scale cure the crisis. (from: Spider Island)

Meanwhile the symbiote is bonded to Flash Thompson and the two work as government agents.

Having had enough of symbiotes alltogether, Eddie sets out to kill symbiotes and hosts that are still around. (from: Venom 2011)

Against his will, Eddie is forced to fuse with the Toxin symbiote. (from: Venom 2011)

The FBI recruits Eddie to help them against Carnage. This is the comic that I like to summarize as ‘Let’s Go Lesbians Let’s Go’. In it, Eddie, two latinx lesbians, two black women and some other dude stop Carnage and an elder God. It’s a really good run.

For the first time, a comic makes Eddie accept culpability for his actions as Venom!! Also during this story, he loses the Toxin symbiote. (from: Carnage 2016)

When Flash Thompson and the Venom symbiote are separated, Eddie helps contain the symbiote (which had been going around with a criminal named Lee Price) and then breaks into containment to re-unite with it. Here is where he starts calling the symbiote ‘love’ and ‘darling’ all the time. Sadly there is no real explanation for his change-of-mind on the symbiote. (from: Venom 2016)

The symbiote and Eddie now actively negotiate trust and such in their relationship, it’s very good. When Eddie finds a dinosaur in the sewers, he brings it back to Alchemax which created it. In exchange for bringing the rest of the dinosaurs back, Alchemax chairwoman Liz Allan agrees to study the symbiote to see what is wrong with it, since it appears sick.

During this dinosaur quest Eddie meets and bonds with Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur!

Meanwhile at Alchemax, medicine for the symbiote is created. It turns out that remnants of Anti-Venom in Eddie’s body are making the symbiote sick. (from: Venom 2016)

Theeeeeen Eddie gets pulled into a parallel universe to battle an alien species called Poisons which kills hosts and permanently bonds with symbiotes. (from: Venomverse)

Back on earth, Flash comes to collect the symbiote, which struggles to choose between Flash and Eddie. In the resulting struggle, Flash turns into Anti-Venom instead. Venom, Anti-Venom and Spider-Man team up against Lee Price, who broke out of jail. (from: Venom Inc.)

Then the Poisons return and Eddie has to join the X-Men on a space journey to fight them. (from: Venomized)

At some point in between here, Eddie gets a job at The Facts Channel under the name ‘Mr. Sym’. Later Jonah J Jameson calls him out on how dumb that alias is.

The symbiote is about to spawn again and the FBI wants to interfere with it. Through trickery by Alchemax, Eddie and the symbiote manage to keep their baby. (from: Venom 2016)

The symbiote’s first host returns to earth and wants the symbiote back, who refuses and wants to stay with Eddie. By threatening their child, the first host manages to take the symbiote away anyway. Eddie bonds with the child symbiote, Sleeper, to go get his symbiote back. In the end, Sleeper lobotomizes the first host and uses his body to travel the universe. (from: First Host)

Due to causing way too much trouble, Eddie is now refused entrance to Alechemax. (from: First Host)

Jonah J. Jameson calls Eddie to protect Mary-Jane while Spider-Man faces a crisis with another arch nemesis. To defeat this nemesis, Eddie even lends the symbiote to Spidey. Flash dies in this big fight and Eddie afterwards attends his funeral. (from: Amazing Spider-Man #800)

The symbiote once more acts overtly violent and the resulting struggle in life results in Eddie losing his job at the Facts Channel. (from: Venom 2018)

Eddie Brock kills a god. (from: Venom 2018)

I don’t want to sum that run up any better than that, it is heartbreaking and should simply be read and personally experienced.

If you need issue numbers, this guide is your friend.

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VKM Spec] Ridiculing VKM 18

As expected, Hino’s obsession with dreary funerals continues.

Obligatory disclaimer for my anti-fans: This post is zeki criticism, vkm criticism, hino criticism, and anti ky. Please blacklist those tags accordingly.

Scanlations can be found in the usual places.

The Good

Gotta give credit where credit is due!

Hallelujah! Kaien Cross bites the dust (literally) at last! Praise the heavens! At last, one of the cancers of this story has been eradicated! Screw you, Hino, for trying to make him more than oozing pustule he was. (And LOL @ that guy facepalming in front of his coffin, who the hell is that anyway, I want his autograph? XD)

Kaien’s melodramatic “woe is me, what a shitty way to die” and then his pathetic “oh a girl is finally crying for me after all this time!” dramatics were hilarious. Like...how sad of a person are you that you’re relieved any girl is crying for you at your death?

Ren is a girl. I repeat: Ren is a girl. At last we can put to bed all that nonsense.

Ren is null!Zero’s and Yuuki’s child. I repeat: Ren is null!Zero’s and Yuuki’s child. Farewell, fantasies of test tube babies and clones and in vitro. Not only that, Ren was clearly conceived in the usual fashion of conceptions, not via any Zeusian head-births or immaculate conceptions. 

Null!Zero lived to raise Ren. I repeat: null!Zero lived to raise Ren. At least the “null!Zero can’t have anything Kaname doesn’t get” rule no longer applies. 

Kaname is too much of a chicken to look at the photo album of a man who worshipped him. Methinks nu!Kaname has received some intimations about how much of a shithead he was in the past. Makes me think better of him.

Kaname is actually interested in someone from the past who isn’t Yuuki and what that person might think of him. Also that he actually genuinely seems interested in finding out how much Ai suffered from Kaien’s loss and is trying to empathize for the first time in his life. 

Ai finally showed up for a funeral. ‘Bout time, since she didn’t even bother to show up for Yori’s. 

The little girl the Prince was living with is not the mayor’s daughter, thank god. 

The mad scientist got a stylish cameo! 

And that’s about it!

The Bad

Perhaps I should rename this section to “The Stupid”? I’ll have to consider it.

Hino forgetting her own lore and that pureblood blood can cure wounds and illnesses--see Shizuka with Ichiru. Ai was right next to Kaien--she didn’t need to offer him vamprism, she could have just fed him her blood. For him to die in such a stupid fashion, despite how great it is, is positively mind boggling given the established vampire lore in this story. 

Hino retroactively trying to act like Kaien meant something to these characters when he’d routinely fucked them over in order to rescue his precious Kaname. 

Yuuki boo-hooing over Kaien dying when she didn’t bother to spend any time with him during the 100 years of life she had to enjoy his company.

Kaname’s unexplained “curse” on Touma that came out of the clear blue nowhere with no foreshadowing or set up in order to “justify” Touma’s insane behavior. Hino’s just phoning it in at this point. 

Touma is the Prince, snooze. Boring and obvious and a narrative dud. 

The “Mayor” is useless and already under arrest, and why the hell does anyone even still care about him?

Kaien’s funeral was a joke and got more panels than Yori’s, which is ridiculous.

The timeline is fucked. Ai was acting last chapter like a bunch of time had passed between the mad scientist kidnapping and the Ren pregnancy being discovered, yet the little girl is still the same age. Either she’s a vampire or Hino has no clue what the timeline is.

Instead of talking about how excited they are to meet Ren, Yuuki spends most of her pregnancy screentime rehashing bullshit about Ai’s childhood with Ai. We already spent 6 chapters on Ai’s childhood Hino, you might want to give us some time to enjoy Ren for once yeah? 

Yuuki whining about Kaien and Yori not being there is a complete joke. Bitch, please, you waiting seventy years to get in bed with your side piece is the reason they’re not there with you now. You have no right to complain because this is your own fault. You squandered the time you had with your precious people.

Null!Zero’s apparently barely there as a father figure since Hino didn’t care to show him in more than one panel with his child. 

The Ugly

All of the ugly this chapter was packed in at the end, appropriately.

Hino just completely excised null!Zero from the family. In the montage of raising Ai images, Zero doesn’t even get a panel with Ai or Yuuki--he’s separated in his own itty bitty panel as if he’s still an outsider in his own family.

No sex scene, no waiting for the baby scene, no naming Ren scene for Zeki. That’s a pretty low blow to make us wait all that time and then skip over everything, Hino. Fuck you, too.

Zero’s and Ai’s little argument at the end would be cute if we’d actually gotten some fucking answers as to why Zeki didn’t get together for an entire human lifetime, but no, Hino doesn’t care to tell us why, we can just make the answer up for ourselves!

Whether Hino intends to “make good” on this implication or not (and my bet, given how gross Ai and Ren act in the future, is that she’ll make good on it), it is utterly reprehensible that Hino made Ai have a sexual attraction to a fucking innocent baby. We all know the VK/VKM world has established that vampiric hunger the way Ai experiences it in VKM 18 is sexual in nature. Hino trying to act like it’s cute there at the end is not ever acceptable. It was not even remotely acceptable when Kaname did it, and it’s not at all acceptable now just because the girls are sisters. Just like slapping Aidou, child grooming is not appropriate or laudable behavior. Ai having a sexual interest in her baby sister is not okay.

And last, but certainly not least, null!Zero and Yuuki approving Ai’s interactions with Ren without having any concerns is deeply disturbing to me. Hino trying to play this off as a cute and normal happy family is even more troubling. I’m very concerned about how this all is going to play out in the future. 

General Aside

@vampireknightmeta brought up a few ways in which Hino might be able to salvage the story as it is now in our private conversations, but I will leave any public speculation on future positive developments to her should she choose to share them with the fandom at large. 

At this point in time, I myself have no interest in speculating about potential positive narrative developments because Hino has shown time and time again that she’s happy to sink lower than even the lowest bar I set for her. I’d rather be happily surprised by Hino saving this story on her own and just laugh at her bumbling in the meantime rather than investing my heart into trying to uncover the “secrets” of the story of a repugnant and morally bankrupt failure of a writer. From now on, I’ll only be speculating about worst case scenarios, the worst I can possibly imagine, and maybe Hino will do even worse than that just to prove to me that there’s no low she’s above sinking to. 

As such, if you’re looking for positive theorizing, you won’t find it here until I see some significant improvement in this sorry excuse for a story. Please look elsewhere for your hit of “positivity.” 

Crackpot Theory Corner

Can’t end this debacle without some crackpot theories. Here’s what could happen that could make this story sink even lower than it has already sunk!

Null!Zero might actually get suspicious of Ai’s “attentions” to Ren, but he’s going to die before he can stop anything. =P Null!Zero does still seem to have some fatherly instincts.

Null!Zero is up next for being killed, probably next volume. We’ll probably have a funeral or two every volume, because that’s totally what everyone’s reading for!

In the chapter where null!Zero dies, we’ll have Ren dying in the future while protecting Ai or Kaname! Gotta kill off dem pesky Kiryuus!

When Yuuki meant “short time after Zero” when he died in VKM 4, what she meant to say was “null!Zero died 20 years after I screwed him and I put myself to bed for 900 more.” Hence, “short time.” Time’s relative, doncha know.

After Ren dies, Kaname and Ai will mourn, then resurrect Yuuki to ease their sorrow and the Kurans will live happily ever after. 

Yuuki never intended to marry Zero, and that’s why she let Yori die before getting together with him officially so Yori wouldn’t have to know Yuuki loved Kaname and not Zero (why, only Hino knows). The wedding Yori and Aidou were waiting for will happen after they’re long dead with Kaname and Yuuki instead. 

The baby from Yuuki’s dream is her second kid with Kaname, a boy who she’ll name Zero. Ai will imprint on her new brother and the horror will start all over again with a new generation, this time blessedly free of Kiryuus, who are all dead.

Oh, and the Vampire King will never be found, because who cares. ;)

Until next time, see you later!

[larryfanfiction]

Ao3?   

objectlesson

Tumblr?   

xabjectlessonsx 

Name?  

Phoenix

Age?  

26

How long have you been a fan of One Direction?  

Oh god, I only got into them in May, and even then I wouldn’t have felt comfortable calling myself a fan until around July or August. So only about five months! I’m a baby Directioner, probably why I’m not dead inside yet.

What is your favorite fic?  

Wild and Unruly by 100percentsassy and Gloria Andrews. It’s seriously one of my favorite works of art in the entire universe, it’s the romance novel I wish I had when I was seventeen and longing for queer cowboys and drama and star crossed lovers and angst. It’s perfect. I feel like they looked into my soul and saw how much I needed ranch Harry singing Dolly Parton to a cow, and an almost kiss happening after he sucks amniotic fluid out of a calve’s nose. That is just so up my alley. I absolutely adore that story, everything about it. It probably helps that I have a cat named Jolene who I’m more than a little obsessed with.

When did you start writing?  

I’ve been writing since I was a tiny child (my mom would hand bind my ‘books’ with ribbon!) but I’ve been writing fan fiction for like fifteen years. The first fic I ever wrote was when I was 12, and it was bandom slash so I apparently haven’t changed much.

What was your favorite fic to write and why?  

My favorite 1D fic to write was probably A Little Love is Better than None because it was one of my very first ventures into the fandom so I was still figuring out their characters and voices, which was such a pleasure. It just sort of flooded out really easily and naturally too, like it was waiting to be written. I also LOVE to write pining and Harry pines HARD in that story.

How and where do you find inspiration? 

 Everywhere, honestly! I’m a people watcher and I really enjoy writing in chaotic environments like the food court at the mall, partially so I can constantly be observing the mess of humanity around me and draw energy from that. I’m also really inspired by the raw material of this fandom. You probably noticed I mostly write canon fic, and that’s largely because this canon is so incredibly rich with lore and evidence and text, it’s begging to be mined for the sake of storytelling. I watch interviews all the time (there are so many holy shit) and I take so much inspiration from them, just watching these boys interact and observing their power dynamics and their body language and their patterns and evolution and chemistry. I’m not sure I’ve ever stumbled into a fandom so inspiring, honestly.

Are any of your stories influenced by personal experience?   

VERY MUCH SO. I draw enormous amounts of inspiration from my own experiences as a queer teenager navigating sexual exploration and heartbreak. I love writing queer coming of age stories in part because I wad so deeply and indelibly affected by the love and pain and longing and newness I felt as an adolescent, the first time I fell in love or has my heart broken. I love trying to capture the enormity and terror of teenage love in my writing.

How do you get over writer’s block?  

I go read fanfiction!! Nothing helps be reframe my own writing than reading talented authors who are perhaps telling the same story (two guys meet and fall in love and are changed forevermore) but telling it in an entirely different way.

How often do you sit down to write? What does your ideal work setting look like?  

I try and write every other day at least but it gets hard with life and work and whatnot. That being said, I usually write at least three times a week for several hours when I’m really in the middle of something. Ideally, I’m at a corner table with an outlet at a busy Peets Coffee, listening to a playlist I made specifically for whatever I’m writing, and sipping a latte! I love writing in chaotic, crowded places with lots of people and energy occupying the space. Unfortunately, I don’t always get first pick of coffee shop and end up writing a lot at the Starbucks by my work, which is not ideal but definitely my stomping grounds.

Pick 3 things that are absolutely necessary to make a good story!  

TENSION, MUTUAL PINING, AND DRAMATIC RESOLUTION!!! I absolutely LIVE for slow build stories with lots and tension building over thousands of words. Live for it. I love those moments where the air is crackling and they’re both breathless and electric and terrified, wanting each other so bad without knowing for certain the other is truly interested?! My absolute favorite. Of course, there has to be a resolution though, and the ones that work best for me are dramatic and have a double reveal…like I totally enjoy the tension breaking over something physical like a kiss, but I really love when they actually talk about if afterwards. Like, “I had a crush on you the whole time!!” “No way, me too!!!” Only…better written, you get the idea.

A good character in literature is usually one that goes through a lot of changes and grows dynamically from beginning to end. What is/are your favorite character arcs, and could you give us an example of one from one of your stories?  

My favorite character arc is when a teenager is starting to really explore and understand his or her sexuality. Navigating the terror of that desire, forging the storm even though it’s scary, and being rewarded ultimately with mutual love is something I never, ever get tired of reading in all its incarnations. For example, Louis figuring himself out in A Taste of Poison Paradise, realizing how his experiences with Hannah compared to what he was feeling with Harry, and attempting to shore up that part of himself and his history in the face of falling in love so suddenly. MY JAM.

What is your favorite genre/tag to write? 

PINING!!! Also love Hurt/Comfort and a number of different kink tags I wont go into ;)

Are you currently working on something? Can we have a little preview?  

I’m working on sooooo many different WIPs! Here’s a little teaser from one of my many X Factor stories in the works:

Louis scrolls through his music for the right song and Harry steals glances at his face, the sharp line of his cheekbone somehow existing alongside the soft curve of his cheek, his blue eyes scanning contemplatively across the screen, his pink tongue poking at pursed lips. Harry’s neck gets hot. Louis is the cutest boy he’s ever seen in his entire life, he’s thought so since the second he saw him, and frantically texted his friends THERES A BOY WHO LOOKS LIKE FRANKIE FROM THE SATURDAYS HERE!!!! shortly before actually meeting Louis and sending the follow up text: frankie boy is named louis like lou-ee and im in love. he seems gay but he has a gf apparently?? :(

That text seems like fate now because he was obviously joking about being in love then, but he did end up falling in love, fast and hard and sudden, the kind of love that he didn’t even have time to talk himself out or or get frightened by because it was just there, choking him like a vine, covering the whole of his heart so that he could not move without gouging himself on a thorn. It just was.  He sighs to himself, thumbing over Louis’s earbud, imagining all the times he laid in his bed in Doncaster with it in his ear, listening to music while he was studying, or feeling sad, or wishing he wasn’t alone.

“Found it,” Louis announces, and Harry considers the fact that Louis might not ever feel alone, not like he does. He’s probably surrounded by friends all the time, loud raucous groups of theater kids and football blokes, the girlfriend Harry hasn’t heard anything about since meeting in his lap, holding his hand. Harry has loads of friends too but he still feels alone sometimes, still lies in his bed with his headphones in listening to love songs and wondering what it would feel like to want someone so badly. He winkles up his nose at himself and smiles, because now he knows. It feels like a vine, like thorns, like the whole night sky and all it’s stars.  All that crazy, poetic stuff he used to be skeptical of, here in his own chest. It’s insane. 

Anything you would like to say to your readers? 

Thank you so, so, so much for reading and reviewing and accepting me so eagerly and wholeheartedly into this wonderful fandom. Big fandoms can be intimidating because there’s so much excellent work, and it’s a challenge be noticed amid such brilliance, so I’m endlessly grateful for and stunned by the reception I’ve gotten. Every time I end up on a rec list alongside my favorite authors, or every time one of those authors comments on one of my stories, I’m just so, so fucking blown away. Thank you. 

Thank you, Phoenix!! We absolutely love your fics and are so happy to have you in this fandom! 

[dubstepkazoo]

So I recently finished watching Hina Logi.

And yup, sure enough, it sucked.

Okay, I play the card game (by which I mean I bought the trial decks), and I can confirm that this anime had no reason to exist. They were clearly just trying to advertise for the game. It was an act of desperation, since even in Akihabara, I couldn’t find anyone who cared about it. The only other players I found were also newbies.

So how do you advertise your card game? By making it incredibly impossible to tell that the source material is a card game. We gots us another SOL CGDCT BBQ anime here, ladies and germs! One that doesn’t really do anything original. None of the characters really develop in any unique way, nor is any of the comedy new or... well, funny.

Wait. Before I launch too deeply into the bad stuff this anime did, I at least want to make it clear that it did two good things. The first was Lion’s outfit when she Trances with Rosa. That was really cute. Like, I’m more of a Nina guy in the card game, but come on. Warawa!Lion is so cuuuuute! I want her to whip me. The second was Yayoi. Her entire character. She was the best thing about this anime, despite being an ojou-sama. Nay, I assert that she is how to do an ojou-sama character right. Rather than assaulting the viewer with obnoxious cackling (LOOKING AT YOU, TO LOVE-RU), she carries herself with an air of elegance while reading social cues and displaying care for her friends. Also, she’s adorable. Also, her Trance outfits (especially with Qipao) are adorable. Also, she’s perfect.

Okay, that’s enough positivity. Let’s get into why this anime is garbage.

As if the genuinely ear-bleeding OP and ED (and their unoriginal lyrics, apart from their L&L flavoring) weren’t enough, this anime didn’t have the decency to give us any interesting characters. Every single one can be described in just a handful of words. Lion? The infuriatingly energetic ditz. Nina? The quiet girl who learns to open up. Yayoi? Ojou-sama, correctly though she may be executed. Yuuko? Ara ara. Mahiro? Tomboy, complete with -ssu. I could go on, but I think you get my point. Now, you might argue that Lion’s dad was unique. And while the doting father character isn’t commonly done, it turns out there’s a reason for that. It’s annoying. He was a waste of screentime, his voice was obnoxious, and nothing he did made sense. Like, he launched a missile at a foreign country’s school and experienced no repercussions? Why? How? Oh, and then there’s the principal, or whatever. All she did was speak in riddles that never made sense, though those scenes were shot with the kind of gravitas that tries to make you think they do. Just because something is cryptic, that doesn’t mean it’s profound! No scene that contained her left me thinking anything other than, “So what was the point of this scene?”

The A story of this anime was very clearly centered around Nina’s development, but it never really ended up being interesting. It was just the same as any loner character’s development. Heck, didn’t My Little Pony do this? It’s been years and years since my brony phase, but I’m fairly certain this character arc was lifted straight from Twilight Sparkle in season one. At least that cartoon had an interesting setting and good music.

Another thing the anime dropped the ball on would be its inclusion of Trancing. Yeah, I get it. It’s a fundamental aspect of your world’s lore. It’s the cornerstone of your precious card game. But it’s kinda underwhelming to make your characters into magical girls and have them do nothing but spar against each other every once in a while. Let’s see them engage a hostile Foreigner, or something! I’m assuming that’s what the first Luck and Logic anime was about - I haven’t seen it - but again, this is the fundamental premise of your IP. Bring it to the forefront. Heck, you can even keep the SOL-ness. Just give us a reason to care about their fighting prowess! Justify your inclusion of magical girls! And no, I don’t consider the girls’ rivalry to be sufficient justification. Their shoving in of this element regardless of its meaninglessness is what made me realize this series was meant as nothing more than a desperate advertisement. That, and the excuse to reuse transformation scenes gave them an easy out when they needed to save budget or find ways to fill an episode.

Okay, now it’s time for the elephant in the room: the fan service.

This anime made several half-hearted attempts to sexualize its characters. Its characters who are first-year middle school students, which puts them safely in the category of “too young.” Once you get younger than about the third year of middle school (since Kuroyukihime didn’t trip the creep alarms), fan service stops being sexy and starts being off-putting - usually.

If you really want to sexualize young characters... well, setting aside how I feel about that decision, I do believe there’s a way to do it without creeping your viewers out (or at least, without creeping them out too much). As an example, I direct you to Prisma Illya. Prilya is an anime that will put any of its viewers on about a dozen watch lists, but for good reason: it successfully portrayed elementary school characters as sexy.

Wait. Hear me out.

Prilya succeeded at this because it knew it was ridiculous. It knew the very notion of sexualizing elementary school girls was downright insane. So it used over-the-top methods as a tongue-in-cheek way of acknowledging this. Notice the unbelievably lust-filled actions taken by Kuro at just about any point in the series. Notice how she cranks situations from zero to eleven in the blink of an eye. Notice the dramatic cinematography and art direction in these scenes. Notice Illya and Miyu’s over-the-top reactions that kick in instantaneously. Heck, the fan service scenes were more funny than arousing. Done incorrectly, the viewer would have grimaced at the show and said, “You’re going to hell.” However, Prilya’s sheer audacity and willingness to poke fun at itself (coupled with its genuinely interesting story, but that’s a different post) resulted in the viewer laughing and saying, “We’re going to hell.”

However, the majority of Hina Logi’s fan service took itself seriously (or at least, as seriously as fan service can take itself), like Strike Witches did. And that just doesn’t work when your characters are that young. To its credit, the Valentine’s segment in the penultimate episode had fan service that, while cliche and unoriginal, was at least a step in the right direction. That Mahiro/Yayoi scene was the only fan service moment in the anime that actually held my attention and didn’t make me roll my eyes. What I’m trying to say is, I know what doujinshi I’m looking for the next time I go to Japan.

My final rating for Hina Logi ~from Luck & Logic~ is a four out of ten.

Nobody liked the first L&L anime, and I’ll be surprised if anyone likes this one. Yayoi was indeed a miracle of the universe, and Lion had her moments. But other than that, this anime swings and misses on almost every level. It’s aggressively mediocre. Ordinarily, that’d result in a five out of ten, but its stubborn refusal to explore the few elements that did stand out left the sour taste of resentment in my mouth.

I’ve actually watched a lot of series recently that I just haven’t written about because I never really made the time for it. Stuff like Guilty Crown, Canaan, Nanoha (okay, that was months ago, but I still haven’t written about it), Strike Witches, Grisaia, you know. If there’s anyone who wants to hear what I think about any of those, drop me an ask.

Actually, first, maybe I should ask if anyone even reads this stuff at all. Eh, who cares. Even if nobody does, I’ll keep writing these dang walls of text anyway.