#so I laid in bed all day upset and wishing I could just cry

[mackthecheese]

Having kind of a shit day for very little reason. Reblog with photos of your pets to assist with a speedy recovery.

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Forget (Homelander)

Description: Homelander losses his memory and becomes a completely different person until Vought wants him back.

Warning: Some Smut

Word Count:4,828k

She sat in the hospital holding his hand as he laid on the bed in what was almost a coma. He was beat up pretty bad, not that he didn’t deserve it but she still saw the good in him. He was her husband after all. She couldn’t blame The Boys for what they did even though they almost killed him. She still had deep hatred for them but it was understandable. Homelander was a dark man but to her he was nice and caring. To an extent that is.

He didn’t know how to do the most basic of things like making mac and cheese and doing laundry. She was the one who did that and bought groceries. He simply didn’t know how to do anything like that. She understood that he had a different life than most so she wasn’t upset by this. She was really upset that she had been told that even though he is a Supe he probably wouldn’t have a lot of memory or any at all. Tears were in her eyes as she stared at him. She wished he would just wake up and assure her that he’s okay. 

It wouldn’t be till 2 days later that he would wake up. He groaned and let his eyes adjust to the bright light of the hospital room. He looked around and saw a woman in the chair next to him who was asleep. He didn’t recognize her at all. “Where am I?” He groaned. She opened her eyes and jumped up at the sound of his voice. “You’re okay!” She said and grabbed his hand. He looked at her confused. Why was she holding his hand? “Who are you?” He asked her. Her face dropped and she wanted to cry. “I’m your wife.” She told him. “And you are a superhero called Homelander.” “Who?” He asked.

Homelander would hate this guy. She pulled out her phone and pulled up pictures of them and him as Homelander. He looked at the photos and didn’t remember anything. He looked at her. “That’s me?” He asked. She nodded and gave him a small smile. “Yup. And here is our wedding photo.” She said, handing him the frame. He looked at the photo and smiled a little. “You look so beautiful.” He said. “That was the only time I could get you out of your suit.” She said with tears in her eyes. She smiled at the memory. 

“Will you please just wear this?” Y/N begged him. He didn’t want to wear anything but his suit. His all american dream suit. He rolled his eyes and took the suit. She smiled and he looked at it. He then looked at her. “Only because you want me too.” He groaned. She had been begging him for months, since they got engaged. He refused until this point that she had the suit in her hand. 

“Why would I never take off the suit?” He asked her. She shrugged. “You loved it and it made you feel secure.” He looked down thinking that sounded ridiculous. “Sounds a bit extreme.” He said and that made her giggle. Hearing her giggle made him smile. “You wouldn’t have ever said anything like that. That’s good to hear.” She said and took the frame from him. “Do you remember anything at all?” She asked, softly. He shook his head. “Your name is John. John Gillman.” “What’s yours?” He asked her. “Y/N Gillman.” He smiled at that. “How long have we been married?” “4 years.” She said. “When do we get to go home?” He asked her. “Hopefully soon.” She said to him. 

They walked into his penthouse and he looked around it. He was in awe at how big it was and how amazing it looked. Y/N smiled as she noticed his amazement. “Pretty cool, right?” She asked. “Yeah.” He breathed out. It was odd for her to see him in regular clothes. She thought he looked so handsome and down to earth like that. They walked to the bedroom and she opened the door. He stepped inside like it was his first time.

He walked to his side of the bed and saw a picture of them on the desk beside the bed. He picked it up. It was a pic of him in his suit and her in a beautiful red dress. “That’s actually one of my favorite pictures.” She said, walking up to him. “You look so happy. And not fake for the camera, happy, actually happy.” She said. “Did I not like the cameras and the attention?” He asked. She shook her head. “You loved the attention but not the cameras and having to act like you liked everyone.” She chuckled a bit.

He set the photo back on the desk and looked around some more. “What was I like?” He asked her. “Well to me you were sweet and caring but you had an ego. You loved to scream to the world at any given moment that you were the Homelander and that you could do whatever you wanted.” “I sound like a dick.” Her eyes widened at his statement. She never would have thought that he would ever say anything like that. “Yeah, I guess.” She said. “I’m so hungry.” He said after checking out the bedroom. “What would you like?” She asked. “What did I eat?” “Well you ate a lot of things but you love Milk.” He chuckled. “Milk?” She nodded.

They walked to the kitchen and she opened the fridge and showed her 4 cartons of Milk. “What the fuck?” He asked and laughed. She laughed as well. “Yeah you loved your milk.” He closed the fridge and they chuckled. “I can make you mac and cheese?” She asked, pulling out the box. “Let me help.” He said. She looked at him shocked. “What?” He asked, taking the box out of her hands. “You just never made food, like ever.” “Wait what? You did all of the cooking?” He asked. She nodded. “You never knew how to.” His jaw dropped at her words. “So I didn’t help you?” “Well if you count standing over my shoulder while I cook, helping.” He laughed and shook his head. “For once, Let me make this.” She nodded and let him make it. 

He sat the bowls on the table and she took a bite. For Mac and Cheese it was amazing. He looked at her waiting for her to say something. “This is pretty good.” She said and took another bite. He chuckled and shrugged. “It was pretty easy.” He said and started eating. It was amazing, It was like he was a whole new person but still himself. He didn’t seem to be into the Homelander persona which she never thought was possible. 

“Do you wanna try it on?” She asked him as he stared at the suit. It was folded on the bed with the cape and gloves. The boots on the floor next to the bed. “I guess I can.” He said. He took off his clothes and she admired his body. The beautiful body he had that she never really got to see, thanks to that suit. As he was putting it on she got nervous that he wouldn’t wanna take it off again. It took him some time but he got the suit on. She let out a breath she was holding as she looked at him. He looked like Homelander again. “Do you wanna see yourself in it?” She asked. He went to the full size mirror on the back of the door. He looked at himself and wanted to laugh. I mean he didn’t think he looked bad but it wasn’t something to wear all the time. Suddenly his mind flashed with him giving a speech to a group of people. “I’m not like the rest of you, I’m better, I’m bigger, I am better!” His head started hurting and he hissed.

She ran over to him and helped him sit down on the bed. “John, are you okay?” She asked, worried. “Yeah, that was weird.”  He said. “What was?” He stood up and began taking it off. “I need to get this thing off.” He said almost destroying the suit. She stood up and helped him take it off. As she was helping him they ended up making eye contact. He dropped the shirt on the ground and she held her breath. He leaned down and kissed her. The kiss was soft and slow. A kiss that Homelander never could do. It was nice. 

“Annie, it’s like he’s a completely different person. He doesn’t have the ego or same personality. I mean he thinks this Homelander persona is laughable.” She explained as they ate. “Has he tried on the suit?” Annie asked. Y/N nodded and shrugged. “He wanted to get it off right away.” She smiled at her friend but then frowned. “Billy is still after him. The Boys are still after him.” Annie told her. “Well, can’t we just explain that John has no memory of anything?” Annie shrugged. “Maybe. But what about Vought?” Y/N didn’t even think about Vought. “I wasn’t even thinking about them.” Annie grabbed her hands. “I will take you to the boys and you can explain to them and then we will worry about Vought.” Y/N nodded. 

Annie sighed and opened the door to their apartment. Y/N had never been here before or even knew much about The Boys, other than the fact that they wanted her husband dead. They walked in and saw them at the kitchen table. “Guys, this is Homelander’s wife. Y/N.” Annie introduced her. Y/N waved at them holding back the part of her that wanted to rip them apart. “If ya here for an apology ya can just leave out the door ya came in.” Billy told her. “I’m not here for that.” She said. “Then why are you here?” Hughie asked her. She sighed and sat down in one of the chairs. “When you guys almost killed my husband he lost his memories. He doesn’t remember anything about being Homelander or you guys.” Y/N explained. They all looked at her confused and shocked.

“Ya mean to tell me that cunt doesn't remember all he’s done?” Billy asked after processing it. She nodded and looked at her hands. “Have you explained to him?” Frenchie asked. “He knows that Homelander was an egotistical asshole but I didn’t tell him anything about you guys.” She said, looking at them. “What if he gets his memories back?” MM asked her. “What if he doesn’t?” Billy chuckled. “He’s a Supe, luv. He will, it just might take longer.” “I mean maybe he won’t.” Annie said. “He doesn’t even like the suit. He wanted it off moments after getting it on.” Y/N told them. Billy shook his head.

“Why ya telling us this?” “You guys don’t have to go after him anymore.” Billy laughed, an actually laugh. “You think just because ya husband lost memories means he shouldn’t suffer for what he did?” “He did suffer. You guys almost killed him!” She exclaimed. “Good. That fucker should be dead. Sorry that he’s ya husband but that was a choice you made.” Billy stood up. “You’re going after someone that mentally didn’t do that stuff. That isn’t fair.” She growled. “Him killing my wife wasn’t fair!” Billy yelled. Everyone went silent and she glared at him. “Revenge has gotten you nowhere but being a miserable old cunt.” she said and stood up. Billy glared at her as she left. 

She looked at John as he came out of the bathroom in PJ pants and a white shirt. She never saw him like this before but it was nice. A good nice. He got into bed with her and kissed her. “You okay?” He asked. She nodded and cupped his face. “It’s just weird to see you in regular clothes.” She said. “Well better get used to it cuz I’m never putting on that suit again.” He tells her and pulls her to his chest. “I like the sound of that.” She mumbles against his chest. 

“Vought wants to speak to him.” Annie told her. She sighed and put her head in her hands. She was worried that they were gonna manipulate him. “Do we have a choice?” She asked. Annie shook her head. “I’m afraid not.” 

“Vought wants to speak to you. I’m gonna take you there tomorrow.” Y/N told him as they ate dinner. “The place that made me Homelander?” He asked. She nodded. “Yes.” “Why?” She sighed. “They wanna see if they can bring your memories of Homelander back.” “I’ve watched videos of who I was before and I don’t wanna go back to that.” He told her. “I understand. I don’t want you to either. That place manipulated you.” She told him. “Then why am I going there?” “Because John they are powerful and we aren’t.” She told him. 

“You want him to put on the suit and act like he’s okay?” Y/N asked in disgust. “John has his own voice. He can speak for himself.” Stan Edgar said. John sat next to his wife as they bickered unimpressed with the conversation. “I don’t wanna act like this guy. That’s not me.” John said to the man. “It is you and you will be.” He growled. 

John stared at the suit as it laid out on the couch in the dressing room. He was supposed to put it on and act like Homelander. Vought didn’t want the world knowing that their best “Hero” lost his memory. Y/N entered his dressing room. “I’m sorry you have to do this.” She said. He looked at her. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” He said and kissed her head. “It felt weird having that thing on.” He told her. “Yeah, I bet.” She said. “Have you been practicing your powers?” She asked him. “Yeah but it’s not good enough to fly away from the scene yet.” He said. “I almost wanna go out there in regular clothes and tell the world the truth.” He told her. She smiled at that. “Would be nice. Wouldn’t it?” She asked. “Yeah. It would.” He sighed. “Homelander you’re on in 5.” Ashley yelled through the door. He looked at his wife. “It would be nice so that’s what i’m gonna do.” He told her. 

“Where is your suit?” Ashley asked as they walked. “In the dressing room.” He told her. “Why isn’t it on?” “It’s not me.” He told her. “Please Welcome Homelander!” Starlight yelled into the mic. The crowd went wild and John walked on the stage. The Crowd was confused by his attire. Annie’s eyes widened. Y/N watched his nerves as he took the mic from Annie. “I assume you guys all came for a speech from Homelander. I’m sure that’s what you guys wanted. But uh that’s not gonna happen tonight. You see Homelander isn’t who I am. That’s not me anymore. What Vought doesn’t want you to know is that I lost my memory in a horrible accident.” The crowd gasped. “Vought wanted me to come out here and pretend that nothing happened to me but I won’t. I can’t. I have no more memory of this Homelander and that suit is too much. So I wanted to say that the last you saw of Homelander was before my accident. I have a wife that I love very much and that’s all that matters to me.” The crowd awes. Y/N has tears in her eyes.

He hands the mic back to Annie and walks off the stage. The crowd didn’t know how to react. Some cheering and some confused. “Well would ya look at that. That cunt really has no memory.” Billy says as they watch the TV. “He just told the entire world he’s not Homelander anymore.” Hughie said, staring at the screen. John walked over to his wife and took her hands. “I can’t believe you just did that.” She said. “Well believe it because I’m not doing whatever the hell this is.” He told her. 

Stan Edgar watched the TV in his office in rage. The news was already covering it and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He had to get him back in that suit. Even if it was the last thing he did. 

Y/N woke up to find that John wasn’t next to her. She looked around the room barely awake and sighed. She got up and stretched. She heard ruckus in the kitchen and went to check it out. The smell of Eggs filled the house as she saw him making some. She smiled and walked over to him. He was humming and jumped a little as he felt her arms wrap around him. “Morning sunshine.” He said. She mumbled a morning into his shirt. “I made you Eggs.” He said and put them on the plate. She pulled away and took the plate from him with a thank you.

She heard the toaster go off and she took out the toast. She went to the fridge and opened it to grab the butter. She saw the 4 cartons of Milk and laughed. “You ever gonna drink this milk?” She asked him. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Well you used to love it.” She said walking back over to her toast. “I used to love being a narcissistic asshole too.” He pointed out. She nodded as she put more toast in the toaster for him. “Fair point.” She said, taking her plate to the table. He followed not too long after and sat down across from her. “Thanks for making breakfast. It’s really good.” She said. “You’re welcome.” He said. “Are you getting used to everything around here?” She asked him.

“Yeah. Just not my powers, I don’t want them.” He told her. “I’m sorry.” She said with a frown. “It’s Vought’s fault.” He said. “We should sue them.” He suggested. She wanted to laugh at such a suggestion but thought against it. “Yeah I wish it were that simple.” She said. “The world knows about what they did and how there aren’t any born superheroes.” He told her. “I agree babe. But you were a lab experiment.” She said. “Yeah well I didn’t wanna be.” He got up and got a glass from the cabinet. He got out one of the gallons of Milk and poured himself a glass. He came back to the table and sat down. She smiled as she saw the full glass of Milk. He took a sip from the glass and moaned.

She covered her mouth as she tried not to laugh. She watched as he finished the glass. “That was so good.” He said. She burst out laughing and he chuckled. “Take it, that's how I acted before.” She shook her head. “You got aroused.” She giggled. He looked at her confused. “By Milk?” He asked. She nodded. “You told me you wanted to get me pregnant just so you could suck the milk out of my breasts.” He looked at her, weirdly. “Wow. I sound like a creep.” He said. “Honestly it was kinda hot.” She said. Her face red from the confession. He nodded. “Well, I guess I know what to say now to get you turned on.” He joked. “Me too.” She said, motioning towards the milk. 

“You’re very close with Homelander’s wife…” Stan trailed off, not caring to remember her name. “Y/N.” Annie finished for him. He nodded. “Yes I am.” She said. “Good because I need you to get through to her for me.” She looked at him, confused. “What do you mean?” “She’s the obvious reason he doesn’t wanna be himself anymore. So I need you to get her to convince him to get back in the suit.” He tells Annie. “But he doesn’t wanna be in the suit.” She says. “I don’t care.” He growls. “He is our top Hero here, We need him back even if it’s fake. And if we don’t then we will make a villain out of him and kill his wife.”

“That’s what he said? He’s gonna kill me if I don’t get John back in the suit?” Y/N asked Annie. “Yeah, he said that even if he has to fake being himself.” Y/N shakes her head. “Annie, that’ll never work, he already told the world that he doesn’t wanna be Homelander anymore and that he doesn’t remember anything.” She says. Annie takes a sip of her coffee. “Well maybe you can talk him back into it.” She suggests. Y/N shook her head. “Annie, I don’t think you understand. He doesn’t want to put it back on. It hurt him and he’s seen the videos. He doesn’t wanna be that.” Annie nodded and felt guilty about the wire she was wearing. But she didn’t want Y/N to die. “Are you afraid that if he stays in the suit, he’ll get his memory back?” Annie asked her. 

“Interesting.” Stan said as he listened to the recording over and over again. Annie sat in the seat with guilt. She knew that Homelander was a different guy and that Y/N was happy about that. But her life was at risk and Annie wasn’t going to let her die. “So, we get him in the suit and keep him in it.” Stan says like this was the greatest idea of all time. Annie didn’t say anything but knew that was the only way. 

Y/N and John laid in their bed laughing. “I can’t believe we barely ever did this.” He said as they cuddled. “Yeah well you were always busy with Vought.” She said. He groaned at the name. “Yeah well that will be no more. Fuck that place honestly.” He said. Y/N turned around in his arms. She looked at him with love and smiled. Her fingers traced his face. He looked at her with love as well. “I love you.” He whispered. She smiled and said it back. She leaned in and kissed him. He kissed her back. They softly made out as his hands rubbed up and down her back. She was in one of his shirts. Her hands were cupping his face.

He pulled her on top of him as they kept kissing. Once they couldn’t breathe anymore, they pulled away panting. “John.” she whispered. “I uh, I think I want a baby.” He whispered against her hips. She bit her lip. “Not to drink Milk out of your boobs.” He said and she laughed. She leaned down and kissed him again. His hands moved to her ass and squeezed, making her gasp. He slipped his tongue in her mouth. As they made out he flipped her to the bottom and pulled his shirt off. She helped him pull his sweats down just enough for him to be able to get inside of her. He lifted the shirt so he could enter her, making them both gasp. “Fuck.” He groans. He doesn’t remember much about having sex with her but this was way better than he could imagine. Her hands gripped his back muscles as he thrusted in her. “John.” She whispered.

This is the worst thing that could ever happen. She didn’t know how they ended up in this situation. All she knew was that the second he got the suit back on, it would be over. He would change and not be the loving husband he’s been for a few months. She sobbed as she watched Stan give him the suit and tell him, “You put this on and go out there and act like you’re Homelander or your wife dies. It’s your choice.” Why couldn’t they just be happy? Why did he have to do this? John looked scared, for once in his life.

He looked at the man with fear and hatred. He didn’t want to put the suit back on. He didn’t wanna put on a face for millions of people. He just wanted to be John. He looked at Y/N with sorrow and mouthed an I’m sorry as he took the suit from Stan’s hands. She screamed and cried as he changed out of his regular clothes to put the suit on. Tears brimmed his eyes as he sighed and put on the suit. 

“So what are you saying?” Y/N asked Annie. She sighed and looked at the couple. “Stan believes if you put back on the suit you will get your memory back and become your old self.” She said to them. John looked at Y/N. “But that can’t happen, right? That can’t be possible.” Y/N sighed. When he first put on the suit he held his head in pain and wanted the suit off as soon as possible. It would make sense. “I don’t know.” She whispered. “But he’s gonna try to get you to put it back on.” She tells him. “Well, I'm not going to.” He says and takes her hand. “John, he’s threatening Y/N’s life.” Annie told him. “I don’t know if you have a choice.” 

He didn’t. He wasn’t gonna let Y/N die. Y/N couldn’t even look as her husband put back on the suit. Tears streamed down her face as she closed her eyes. She heard John yell in pain and collapse on the floor. He wanted the suit off so bad but fought against it. All the memories of him as Homelander came rushing to his brain. All the fake and awful things he said to the world, and did hit him like a truck. Until it stopped. The room fell silent and Y/N opened her eyes. She saw him get up and though he looked the same, something was off. “John?” She whispered. He looked over at her and she wanted to cry. He had that look in his eye. The Homelander look. “You’re on in 5, Homelander.” Stan said to him.

He looked away from his wife to look at Stan. “Keep an eye out on her, she looks like a mess.” He said before exiting the room. Y/N broke down in sobs again. “What did you do?” She cried. “I fixed him. He is what he is now. What he’s meant to be.” He said to her. “No. No he’s not. You ruined him, ever since he was a baby. He had a chance and you took that from him.” She yelled at Stan. He looked at her with no emotion on his face. “Y/N sooner or later you will realize that he is perfect just the way he is and you can’t change. You never could. You had your fun but it’s over now. Accept it.” 

She sat in the penthouse and cried, cried her little heart out as she held the positive pregnancy test in her hand. Of course she wanted a baby, the planned it. But that was before he put the suit on and became his old self. What would he do? How would he react? She didn’t have time to really think as she heard him arrive. She started to panic and looked for a place to hide the test but he appeared all too fast. “What’s that in your hand?” He asked her. She looked up at him with fear in her eyes as she stuttered over her words. “A pregnancy test?” He asked. She nodded, unable to speak. He took it from her shaky hands and examined it. “So, you’re pregnant?” “Yes.” His face didn’t show any emotion, making her scared for her life.

He slowly broke into a smile and he hugged her. She was shocked but hugged him back. “This is perfect.” He sighed. She pulled back and looked up at him, confused. “Y-you want a baby?” She asked. He chuckled and cupped her face. “I mean sure. But I'm more excited about how your body is gonna look and how full your boobs will be.” He said, checking her out. “I can practically smell it.” She wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry but didn’t show any emotion about what he said. “Now, how about you make us some dinner?” He asked but more so demanded.

She didn’t nod or say anything. She just walked into the kitchen with tears in her eyes. It all felt like a dream, all the good times they recently just had. None of it seemed to be real. Honestly, she wished that it wasn’t. Maybe if he didn’t lose his memory she wouldn’t know what he would be like then. That would have been for the better. Because at the end of day she realized as she grabbed the mac and cheese from the cabinet and started the water, she wasn’t in love with him anymore. She was just in love with the person he was for months. She was in love with the memory. She was in love with John.

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

If you’re willing could you maybe write a little thing (idk the word for it sorry 😭) about replaced God MC getting annoyed with Gabriel and choosing to get energy from Michellel instead??

Yes! I love this, I was thinking of cucking em with lower demons but it would get their heads turning if you chose one of them!

(I really hope you like it I feel like I messed it up!)

Wrong Move (Gabriel)

Cw: technically c*cking?, pining, one sided relationship, angel energy exchange, slight edge play,

-

Gabriel knew you wouldn’t forgive him easily for…branding you…killing your best friend and charging a war against Hell, then kidnapping you…

Gabriel sighs as he watches you tremble as Michael Carrie’s you to your room for some…angel energy….he wished you’d give him a chance! He’s gotta be better! No angel has done…such activities until you came around so they all have the same experience level…

It hurt since it wasn’t just once…this is the with time…it irked him to know you chose the cry baby to him…he could hear his whimpers and moans…it made his heart ache…

He thought about the brand marking he left on you, it hurt to know…he scared your perfect vessel. But…you gave him no chance to make it up, he could heal it! But…you ordered him to deal with and live with the scars there…

He whimpers as he hears Michael moaning loudly, enjoying himself with you…Gabriel had gotten so upset he even tried peeking in in you two a few times.

Each time Michael just…was so obedient, only doing as you say…even letting you edge him.

“A-aah! M-my Lord…I’m close! Please have mercy!”

Gabriel paused, he’s never heard Michael sound like that, he’s never seen him look like that…

Gabriel’s own body heated up at the thought often of you doing this to him…he can feel his cock throbbing in its cage and as he glances towards the other angels groin, he notices…the lack of a chastity cage….

His eyes widen realizing you took off Michael’s cage.

He sobs in frustration quietly, leaving, trembling in a mix of embarrassment and frustration. He needs to make this up to you…

~

The next day you wake up to Gabriel having made you breakfast. He has your clothes laid out and is smiling to you. “My Lord, I’m sorry…I’ve been very…dare I say inappropriate.”

Gabriel sighs and looks away trying to think of what to say.

“Have I said before? That I love you, I deeply value you and will do all I can to protect my Lord…” Gabriel leans forwards and rest his forehead on yours. “Please, please Master…let me heal the wound I have you, I’m sorry…I regret it.”

You barely seem bothered, making him feel wounded, his smile falters but he gets his hopes up when you brush his hair to the side so you can look in his eyes.

“Gabriel. I knew you were watching.”

Gabriel freezes and lowers his gaze. “I-I’m sorr-“

You interrupt him. “Don’t be a brat, I’m not going to chose you next time because your pride wants it…”

You grab his halo and yank it so he flops on the bed, landing beside you. Gabriel looks to you in surprise but since you don’t key go of his halo he decides to behave and stay down. He looks up to you nervously.

“Maybe next time I’ll let you sit in the room, gagged and tied up so you can sit back and enjoy the sight without bothering us.” You coldly tease, leaning over you pluck a feather from Gabriel’s wings. “Get Michael. I need some more energy.”

Gabriel whimpered as you let go of his halo.

“M-Master please give me a chance! I will prove myself to you! I’ll do anything you want! My entire being is just for your pleasure!” He pleaded…you hated his desperate tantrums whenever you decline him something like this. “Once chance is all I’m asking for please…”

As you sit up on the bed he gets on the ground on your side of the bed and gets on his knees and bow, his head on the ground as he bows to you. You know it’s a sign of respect but you grin and place a foot on his head, pushing his face against the ground.

“What a whiny bitch you are…now get Michael and I’ll let you watch.”

Gabriel held back a whimper and hurried away, trying to hid the tears in his eyes from your rejection…he’s sure he can make it up later…just not now…

[milkywaygalaxygurl]

Comfort - Peeta Mellark

Purely self indulgent fic, I’m not doing the best right now and I wish I just had Peeta here to give me a hug :( sorry if there’s any typos or anything! fyi, i will take requests! i write for a lot of different characters so just ask if i will and i might! i don’t really have any restrictions on what i’ll write about minus smut:)

Pairing: Peeta Mellark x Female!Reader

Warnings: maybe OOC!Peeta?, mentions of trauma but no description, pure fluff, idk if there’s anything else lmk if i missed anything

Word Count: 600(?)

Like I said, purely self indulgent. (Y/N) is sad and Peeta is a Sad Baby™ himself and understands how to comfort (Y/N) because of it.

Peeta could tell you were upset the second he laid eyes on you. Your smile when greeting him wasn’t as bright as it usually was and you seemed distracted, like you weren’t really present, when Peeta began talking about his day. He always seemed to pick up on your moods, even when you tried hiding the fact that you’re upset from him. Dealing with his own traumas and bad days had caused him to be able to spot yours in seconds.

“(Y/N)?” He says your name softly, so as to not startle you, and smiles softly when you turn to look at him. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, tilting his head as he studies your features.

“Are you doing alright, my love?” His voice is soft, so gentle, and it causes the dam to break. Tears begin to slide down your cheeks as you shake your head, a sob racking your body. Peeta gathers you up in his arms and pulls you into his lap, holding you tight against his body.

“It’s alright, it’s okay, I’m here.” He kisses the side of your head, one of his hands rubbing up and down your back while he rocks you slightly. He feels his heart tighten as another sob falls from your lips, his hold on you tightening.

“If you’re feeling up to it, we can talk about what’s bothering you. Don’t force yourself to if you don’t want to, okay? We can always talk about it later.” Peeta pulls you away from his body so he can see your face and smiles softly at you, wiping the tears off your cheeks. You smile weakly at him, trying to convey to him that you were grateful for his comfort.

“I-I think I j-just need to c-cry.” Peeta nods his head in understanding, kissing your forehead. He pulls you into him again, whispering sweet nothings and comforting words in your ear. Your sobs eventually subside, but tears still fall from your eyes as you hold tightly to Peeta. He doesn’t let you leave his arms until you’re no longer crying, but even then he doesn’t stop taking care of you. He draws you a warm bath with scented bath salts, ones he knows help calm you down. Once you’re seated in the bath, he whispers about anything that comes to mind to distract you from the bad thoughts as he washes your hair. After the bath, he helps you into the clothes you always prefer when having a rough day.

“Thank you.” You whisper to him when you’re settled in bed, your head tucked into his chest and his arms around you. One of the things you loved most about Peeta was his ability to be so kind, so loving, without even thinking about it. It was just in his nature to be that way and it made you fall head over heels for him the first time you witnessed it.

“Of course, my love.” His whispered reply makes you pull back from his chest to look up at him, pure adoration and love in your eyes for this puppy dog of a man you called your boyfriend.

“I love you.” You whisper, your lips split into a lovesick grin. His smile mirrors your own as he pulls you into a gentle kiss, trying to put all his love into the gesture.

“I love you more than you could ever know.” His murmured reply is all you hear before you’re slipping off into a much needed rest.

[keraxxx]

HIII could you do something where the reader tells bf!ethan how bad her days was and told him someone was really mean and upset with her and they end up going missing the next day bc ethan obviously killed them?

A/N: Hi and of course! This idea is perfect! I’ve been wanting to write something like this omg. I hope you enjoy!

————

No one can hurt you.

Ethan Landry x Fem!reader

Warnings: crying, mentions of bullying, cursing, description or murder, not proof read.

————

God you were tired. After that long day at college you couldn’t take it, especially after that one girl keeps running her mouth. She always would talk shit about you and it ruined your day. You just needed to see Ethan and talk to him, hold you for at least a second. So that’s what you did, you went to visit him.

You walk to his dorm and gently knock on his door, trying hard not to get anger and pound on it. You wait patiently as you hear shuffling inside.

Ethan opens the door confused bit his face immediately lights up he was so happy to see you. You were his girlfriend and he loved you more than anything in the whole entire world. “Hey baby.. are you okay?” He frowns as he sees your eyes swell up like tears. He invites you inside immediately, his dorm mate no where to be seen.

“Ethan.. I can’t take this anymore.” You finally let out a sob as he takes you into his arms. “Baby.. what wrong?” Ethan hugs you tightly and rests his head on top of yours in an attempt to comfort you. You couldn’t form any words, you just cried. “Shh.. calm down and explain to me what happened.” He brings you to his bed and sits you down.

“This stupid bitch!” You yelled. “She-she won’t stop talking shit about me! What did i do to her? I just need someone to explain to me what the hell i did!” You vented and sobbed. Ethan just say in silence, listening to your cries. “I can’t stand her! I want her to disappear! Maybe then all these people will stop ruining my day with these stupid insults and rumors.” You wipe your face and look at Ethan.

His face was twisted into a frown, his brows furrowed. You could tell he was mad, words couldn’t even explain how he felt right now. “That’s interesting.” Is all he says as he holds your hand, his other caressing your face. “I need you to calm down.” He says calmly, his eyes look innocent but you can tell something inside him had just snapped.

You breathe in and out a few times. “I’m sorry..” He shakes his head. “No need to apologize I understand.” Ethan hugs you again and your arms wrap around his neck. “God i’m so sorry.. I just wish it was me and you.” You say softly into his ear.

“Don’t worry.. it’ll be okay.” He says as he pulls away to kiss you softly.

————

After you had left, Ethan was sitting in his room, his hands folded into each other. He was moving his knee erratically as he started to think. He didn’t want you to be upset about the girl but he also did want you to be worry for about why she was going to go missing the next day.

“Fuck it.”

————

You where scrolling in your phone in your bed as a news article popped up. A news article about your college. You immediately read the title.

“Young girl missing in College.”

You scroll down to see the image of the girl. It was her. The girl who always had something to say. Your eyes widened in shock as you gasped. You couldn’t believe it. Maybe the universe was on your side? No, this is bad. You had to show Ethan.

————

“I just can’t believe it! I was just talking about her yesterday right? God this is such a nightmare!” Ethan laid back as he watched you pace around the room nervously. “Everyone must be so worried! Her family, friends! I feel so bad.” You say as you pout and walk over to Ethan. You lay down next to him and you both face each other. “How are you not worried?” You say frowning.

Ethan chuckles. “Why should I be? She was rude.” He smirked before kissing your forehead. “Don’t worry about it.. She probably just passed out drunk somewhere.”

But he knew what you didn’t. He knew that she was screaming in the alleyway last night for help. He knew and you didn’t.

“I would never let anyone hurt you. You know that right?” He smiles softly and innocently.

————

[aothotties]

Perfect- Reiner x black!reader

Pairing: Reiner x chubbyblack!reader

Warnings: oral sex (f.recieving), unprotexted sex, creampies, body worship, mentions overstimulation, a little fluffy at the end

wc: 1.4k

You laid in bed with your boyfriend, Reiner, as he scrolled to find a movie for you to watch.

“There’s nothing on here” he stated as he continued to scroll

“”Wait baby! Coraline!” you said with excitement as you saw your favorite movie pop up on the screen

“Okay love, let's watch Coraline”. He clicked the movie and pulled you in closer 

As you and Reiner were cuddling he used his large hands to rub all over your body, something he always did when you laid with him.

His hand traveled to your lower abdomen where he squeezed the soft flesh. You hated this part of your body and it secretly bothered you that he loved to grab it 

“Rei, stop” you whined as you tried to move his hand 

“What does that tickle” he asked with a grin then went in to tickle you on purpose 

You giggled and tried to escape his grasp as he tickled your belly.

“No babe stop” you said between laughs “no i just don't like when you grab me right there”

He lifted his head to look at you, “what? You don't like when I grab your stomach? Why?”

You let out a sigh, “because Rei, I hate that part of my body. I get upset looking at it and I don't like when you grab it. It's so ugly to me”

You felt yourself fighting back tears. When you first met Reiner you were a few pounds smaller but as your relationship went on the happy weight began to stick. You felt self conscious about it and feared Reiner would find you disgusting

“Awe baby” he said as he turned you around to face him in the bed “im so sorry you feel that way. I think you're absolutely beautiful” he grabbed a handful of your belly again 

“Reiner please. I don't like it, I have stretch marks and everything. I wish I was like you and could commit to the gym but I'm just so tired after work most days and i just feel disgusting.” You were crying at this point.

You had never expressed to your boyfriend how you felt about yourself and hearing your confession broke Reiner’s heart. He loved you exactly the way you are and he felt as if he didn't do his job, as your man, to make you feel safe and confident 

He laid you on your back and crawled on top of you. He gave you soft kisses on your lips and all over your face. He lowered himself down to your stomach and lifted your shirt. You tried to cover yourself with your arms but he quickly moved them out his way

He started peppering kisses all over your stomach, “i love this so much baby” he says as he gets down to your lower belly.

He starts kissing and softly biting your lower stomach. He licked every single one of your stretch marks and gave each one a soft kiss. 

The feeling of your boyfriend kissing all over you sent butterflies to your pussy and a wet spot stained your panties 

His kisses trailed lower but he purposely skipped your cunt to be a tease 

Reiner began kissing the stretch marks on your inner thighs. He continued the same action he did on your stomach making sure every single stretch mark was kissed and licked

“You're so beautiful my baby. I love every part of you” he stated as he kissed you in between your thighs

He finally moved his head to your pussy and placed a soft kiss on your clothed clit. You whined and squirmed but he held your hips so you wouldn't move.

He placed his large hands on the underside of your thighs and lifted them on his shoulders. Reiner began licking you through your panties 

“Reiner please” you begged 

He grinned as he moved your panties to the side and immediately attached his lips to your swollen clit. He sucked softly and moans spilled out of your mouth. You spread your legs even wider and you back arched off the bed.

“You're so perfect, baby. so fucking perfect” he said as he started to lick up and down your folds 

The vibrations from him talking sent a shockwave through your body.

“I cant believe you’re all mine, princess. This perfect little angel belongs to me” he continued praising you as his sucks became harder and he added a finger into your soaked hole 

He curled his finger and rubbed on your g-spot while sucking on your clit. The feeling had you seeing stars. Your stomach turned into a knot and your brain went cloudy. 

Your back arched even more and you tried to close your thighs but your boyfriend was too strong. You reached your orgasm and spilled into Reiner’s mouth 

He lifted his head to look at you and you loved how his face glistened from your essence.

He licked his lips then came up to give you a kiss.

Reiner was always a good kisser but this one felt different. There was more passion in this one, as if he was expressing all his love in one kiss. Every feeling he had for you was all poured into this one moment and you began crying.

He pulled back from the kiss and gave a confused look 

“I just love you so much” you stated as you looked up at him 

Reiner gave you a soft smile and started going on about how much he loved you 

“I love you baby, so so much” he stated as he hooked his finger under your panties and slipped them off, “ you are the most beautiful woman i've ever laid eyes on”

He moved to your shirt and began slipping it off your body. You were feeling self conscious but you knew your boyfriend loved you no matter what.

Reiner took his own clothes off and then positioned himself on top of you

“God, its like looking at an angel” he said as he lowered his face to kiss you

He sighed as he slid into you

“You feel so good baby” he whispered against your lips 

He was moving his hips slowly, taking his time with you. Reiner wanted to enjoy your body tonight, and reassure you that no one in this world could make him feel as good as you. 

“You're so amazing, princess.” he whispered as he lifted one of your legs. The angle allowed him to reach deeper and you felt him hitting your cervix 

“fuck – that feels so good baby” you whined from under him 

His pace continued and he never took his eyes off you. The whole time he was on top of you he was mesmerized with your look

Reiner loved the way your eyebrows furrowed as you reached your orgasm. He loved your eyes as they were filled with tears from overstimulation. He loved the way your curls were spread across the pillow under your head. He loved your lips as you bit them from the pleasure 

But most of all reiner loved the way your body looked. He loved your stomach that rolled as he had you folded under him. He loved the way your breasts bounced with each thrust. Reiner loved your body down to every stretch mark

You were his angel in every way and there was no doubt that he loved you the way you are 

“So pretty, baby, you're so beautiful” he groaned as he sped up.

He was close to his own climax and his movement grew sloppy and his groans were louder than you at this point 

“Cum in me, Rei please” you begged because you knew he was close

He let out one final groan as he released inside of you, filling you with his seed

He placed his forehead on yours as he came down from his high.

“Baby please, don't ever think you don't look good. I love you exactly the way you are and i wouldn't trade you for the world” he said to you as he tried to catch his breath 

He slid out of you and pulled you into his chest and with a soft kiss on your forehead he said, “ i love you Y/N, always have, always will”

The lump in your throat stopped you from responding to your boyfriend. No matter how you felt, Reiner never fell short with his reassurance. 

You snuggled closer to your man and dozed off in his arms knowing you are loved. 

Rachel

[rachxhjs]

I need you.

✧ In which hybridbunny!soobin has been in heat the entire day, making it almost painful. But as soon as he notices his roommate hybridfox!yeonjun enter he begs him for help. But Yeonjun is afraid of hurting his precious bunny.

♡

Requested by, anon

Yeonjun x Soobin

❆ Tags;

Hybrid, pain, begging, crying, dacryphilia, breeding, possessive Yeonjun.

Yeonjun exhaled as he walked into his small apartment, brushing over his red hair and muttering quiet sentences to himself. Today had been slightly frustrating without him knowing why. Something just felt off, almost like an instinct. But he never found out what. It did make his day a lot worse, though. Making him fail simple tasks and get headaches which made him get distracted. So he was really looking forward to taking a nap. And maybe he could ask Soobin if they could cuddle, it would help a lot.

With a turn of his hand Yeonjun unlocked the door to their warm apartment, instantly letting out a hum of relief once he realised he was at home, the day was finally over.

Messily, the fox removed his shoes before he walked to the shared bedroom of him and Soobin, looking around curiously. "Bunny?" The red haired called out in a curious tone, furrowing his brows when he suddenly saw the blonde haired run up to him, hearing a quiet whine. It almost sounded like he was in pain.

"I'm here.. what's wrong?" Yeonjun instantly hummed out, picking up the male before he sat down on his bed, making sure that his beloved bunny would be seated on his lap before he caressed his waist, looking up at the figure. "Need it.. hurts.. it really.. hurts-"

Yeonjun furrowed his brows as he looked around Soobin's skin, trying to figure out what was wrong. But he couldn't find any wounds. "What hurts, bunny? Your stomach, maybe?" The older tried to guess, rubbing over his abdomen before the younger bucked his hips forward, butt rubbing against Yeonjun's crotch. And as soon as the fox felt the touch he inhaled sharply, grabbing Soobin by his hips. "Careful.. talk to me. What hurts? Use your words.."

Soobin hesitantly stared at Yeonjun for a short while before he took his hand, slowly guiding it to his own length and shivering in need, mouth agape. "Here.. need it.. please. I really want it.." He murmured out sadly, eyes starting to fill with tears as Yeonjun stared up at him, worried. "Love.." The fox inhaled as he carefully brushed over Soobin's covered tip, biting his bottom lip out of curiosity. "You're in heat?"

As soon as Yeonjun felt Soobin nuzzle into his neck and nod he exhaled, rubbing over his waist. "Maybe it will go down.. hm? I don't want to hurt you.. I shouldn't. You should breed with your lover, hm?" He murmured out warmly, pressing some kisses to the blonde's naked shoulder, cheeks pink. He wished he was Soobin's lover, that he could be there for him and please him when needed. Whenever Soobin was in heat he didn't really sound or act like himself, which made Yeonjun scared that the younger might regret what he had done the next morning. And Soobin was really precious to the older male, he didn't want to be the cause of any of his pain.

"Need you.. hyung.. need.. don't have a lover.. I want.. Hyung." Soobin continued to wince as he pressed his entrance against Yeonjun's hardening shaft, making the older let out a soft grunt. But he had to hold back. "Here. I've got some toys, yes bunny? How about you use those.. I'm going to make dinner." The red haired gulped as he opened his drawer, giving a kiss to the younger's cheek before he speed walked to the kitchen, biting on his lip. Not only was he worried that Soobin would be upset tomorrow. But now he also had a problem. His cock had already hardened all the way just from feeling the bunny hump against him, and being able to hear his whiny sounds made everything even hotter. Whoever Soobin would be with later, Yeonjun was jealous of.

The red haired laid his palms on the counter as he thought, eyes closed as he started to breathe in deeply, calming himself down. If only there was a way to know if Soobin had control over himself everything would be so much easier. Then he'd make the bunny feel so good, would make him see stars. Fuck, he couldn't even imagine how pretty he'd sound moaning his name. Though soon enough, Yeonjun felt his pants being undone before his cock was taken out, making his eyes open in surprise.

And there was Soobin, sitting on his knees as he stared up at Yeonjun needily, cheeks covered in glossy tears. Yeonjun had never seen someone so pretty. "Want this.. hyung, please. I really.. really.. need it." The blonde huffed out, standing up as he pressed the red haired against his back, starting to rub his butt against his naked shaft once more, trying to prove to him that he actually needed it, that it wasn't a joke. He was hurting, and Yeonjun had to save him. "Bunny.. I can't.. I shouldn't hurt you, hm? Don't want you to regret this.. will you get off now?"

"I won't regret this.. please, Hyung. It hurts.. need help.. you'll help me, right? You love me? Please?" Soobin continued to beg as he started to needily hump himself against Yeonjun like a dog in heat, mouth open as soft pants escaped from his lips, eyebrows furrowed. Yeonjun could only stare at the other in a weak way, staring at his curves and how his butt was rutting against him. He already felt so good, he couldn't imagine what it would be like inside of the other, to pound inside of him.. fuck. He wanted him, so bad.

"Don't complain tomorrow."

Yeonjun huffed as he threw the bunny over his shoulder, walking to their couch before he threw the blonde on the soft furniture. The older male needily took off all of his clothes before he approached the younger, pressing some soft kisses against his lips. Everything felt so right, it felt so right that he would be the one taking care of Soobin. He wanted to be his caregiver, to take away his pain when needed, just like now.

"Hyung.." Soobin whimpered, watching how his clothes were being teared off. His cock was starting to throb in need as more tears rolled down to his chin, panting. His tip had never been so angry and red before, begging for friction. And he couldn't believe he was about to get just what he needed, from just who he needed it as well. "I know bunny.. I'm here now.. fuck. You look so pretty.. so cute.." Yeonjun whined, pressing some kisses to his roommate's length, admiring the soft skin. If he could ask for one wish, it would be that Soobin would be in heat everyday, just for him.

Soon enough, Yeonjun pushed Soobin's naked body to the end of the bed, making him lay on his stomach as he spat on his own fingers, then rubbing them against the younger's delicate hole, turning the area completely glossy. "Do you need it here, hm? You need it so badly.. don't you, bunny?"

Soobin cried out as he nodded in desperation, squirming his hips in every direction he could before he brushed himself against the fox's fingers, making him wince. "In.. in.."

"Can't you take me without taking my fingers first?"

Soobin froze for a second before he looked back at the fox, looking at his thick size. Maybe he could've, his body was preparing for this exact moment for hours already. But it would hurt, a lot. But only for a little. "Can.. hyung, please. It hurts.." Soobin cried again, sniffing as he wiped away his own tears. Meanwhile Yeonjun smiled at his cute, needy behaviour. Leaning in forward so he could press some kisses to Soobin's ear, sushing him lowly. "I know.. hyung is going to take care of you. My bunny. All mine.."

Carefully, Yeonjun made Soobin lean down a bit, cooeing at the way that the younger immediately arched his back, cheeks pink. "Such a natural." He praised, giving a harsh spank to his ass before he grabbed the base of his own length, inhaling at the sight in front of him. How could someone be so pretty? Soobin had curves in just the right angles. And his skin? God, he was so soft.

Carefully, the fox lined himself up with the bunny's entrance, shivering slightly as he started to move his hips forward. But due to the lack of prep his member kept sliding down or up, not being able to enter. He grinned a bit when this caused Soobin to cry out even louder, poor baby must've felt so teased. "Shh.. it's okay, bunny.."

After Yeonjun got a better hold of his cock he pressed it more harshly against Soobin's gaping hole, biting his bottom lip as he made sure he wouldn't slip away this time. And as soon as he felt his tip enter the warm, tight area he let out a loud moan of pleasure, hands now caging around Soobin's waist.

The blonde continued to cry as his back arched even more, tightening his walls around Yeonjun's cock as he drooled on the couch, he had never been this needy for penetration before. "Hah.. mpff.. in.. mm.." The sub babbled, clutching harder onto the piece of furniture as Yeonjun continued to move his hips forward, watching as his member slowly started to disappear into the younger. And as soon as he bottomed out he let out a grunt, pulling Soobin up so his back would be flat against his chest, lips brushing against the blonde's neck. "There you go.." Yeonjun reassured lowly, one hand flying up so he could flick onto the younger's nipples, focused. "So needy."

"Hmpf.. H-Hyung.. it's.. are you.. in?" Soobin asked in a haze, shuddering on top of his cock as Yeonjun let out a moan, nodding as he pinched onto the younger's nipple instead, eyebrows furrowed. "I am.." Yeonjun looked down at his roommate's butt before he thrusted his hips once, watching how Soobin instantly started to shake in pleasure, a splatter of white shooting to the window they were facing.

"You came?" Yeonjun asked softly, rubbing over his abdomen as Soobin shook his head, whining. "Pre.. cum.. full of cum.. move, please.. pretty please.." The blonde started to roll his hips slowly as Yeonjun had to suck in his breath, holding himself back from pining the bunny down and fucking into him like a dog. But again, be didn't want to hurt the blonde. "Keep moving.. just like that." The fox hissed, mouth open as he shivered, watching how Soobin had started to bounce his body up and down onto Yeonjun's cock, listening to his whimpers as if it was music.

"Good bunny.. good boy.. keep going." Yeonjun squeezed Soobin's ass for a few seconds before he spanked the area, inhaling. "Go faster." He ordered, slapping the same spot once more as Soobin listened obediently, holding onto the couch for support as tears fell down the soft material, butt bouncing up and down in need. "Need.. need.. h-ha.. need it.." The blonde whimpered, using the fox as his own personalised dildo.

But before he knew it, Yeonjun pulled out and flipped Soobin around, rubbing over his nipples before he pushed in once more, staring down at his roommate's crying face, stomach turning. "You look so fucking pretty when you cry.. fuck.. you're so.. fucking.. hot.." Yeonjun winced, grabbing the male by his wrists before he locked them together, using his left hand to pin those flat against Soobin's chest, hips rocking back and forth so he could get himself off using the bunny, mouth open. "I should've done this so much sooner.."

Soobin continued to cry as he slowly felt his pain start to increase, his cock now twitching back and forth as his prostate got penetrated, eyes rolling to the back of his head every now and then. "Need.. need to.."

"Shhh.." Yeonjun stared down at Soobin's weak body as he continued to use his hole, moaning out of satisfaction as the blonde kept clenching around him, body rocking back and forth on the couch. "We'll get there.. just let Hyung.. get there as well, hm? Fuck.. cry.. cry more." Yeonjun hissed out, starting to pound himself against the blonde in a more aggressive way as Soobin's eyes instantly started to fill with more tears, body begging for release. Though he couldn't do anything about it, since his hands were pinned together he couldn't even jerk himself off, and Yeonjun was taking his sweet time. But he loved it, he loved how he was able to please the older male. Yeonjun looked so gorgeous when pleased.

"Hyung.. It really.. need it now.. bred.. need to be.. bred." Soobin whimpered out, legs starting to shake lightly as Yeonjun panted, using his right hand so he could pick up Soobin's right leg, throwing it over his shoulder and leaning forward so he could fuck himself deeper into the younger bunny, moaning. "You'll get it.. yes bunny.. I'll breed you, I'll breed you so nicely. Nice and full with my babies.." The older muttered in a chant, staring down at Soobin's face in a lustful, but also loving way. Making sure that he was okay. Though he looked like he was about to break down from the pain, and his goal was to fix that.

No words could describe how good Soobin felt. The way his walls clamped around Yeonjun so deliciously whenever his hips rocked back, the way his hole held onto him so desperately so he wouldn't disappear. He was getting him off so good.

So automatically, his hand went up to wrap around Soobin's length, inhaling as his hips started to hammer against the younger's butt. And to match the tempo, Yeonjun started to stroke his hand up and down in the same speed, listening to the way Soobin started to cry and almost scream out, eyebrows furrowed. And with a final ten sloppy thrusts, Yeonjun pressed himself against Soobin as hard as possible, letting out a moan as he came deep inside of Soobin's fertile body, panting. Soobin was crying and moaning out louder than before, aggressive strokes of white flying up to the ceiling. Both of the males came for about a minute, slowly riding out their highs by squirming their hips together, panting.

"Good.. so good.. my bunny.. you'll have all my babies." Yeonjun whimpered as Soobin nodded to his words, feeling his stomach bloom. And instantly, all the pain seemed to be relieved as his muscles were finally able to calm down and relax. "Hyung.."

"Yes, baby?" Yeonjun slowly pulled himself out of the younger before he picked up his weak body, walking to their bedroom and laying the blonde down, then laying down behind him, leaving a doze of kisses onto his neck and shoulder. All Soobin could do was shiver as he had never felt this good before, mouth still agape. "I love you.." The bunny confessed quietly, half gone.

"I love you more.."

And with that, the bunny and fox fell asleep. Dreaming soundly as they both held onto each other protectively, their love story had just started.

♡

To anon,

I hope the story fit the descriptions you sent me, I did my best to include all that you asked for. Thank you again for sending me a submission!

To readers,

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Have a great day, and remember to hydrate ♡

[velaenaa]

when you were young ch.2 \ sosuke aizen x reader

word count: 4.7k tags: slight angst, nsfw, smut, tags are added as i go setting: modern au sosuke aizen x reader as college students + chapter: 2 / ? | prev. chapter authors note: hello ^_^ i hope you're well! life is hectic! many writers block and story revisions thats why it was taking so long. i hope its not too confusing/jumbled, i was trying to get both perspectives. please enjoy, and have a great day! tags: @muzansfangs

The door bell was triggered downstairs, prompting you to ascend. You were excited for breakfast with Aizen. After last night's events you most definitely wanted to ask him to be with you.. 

You skipped down the stairs, feeling cute and ready to sweep him off his feet. As you open the door your wide smile falters ever so slightly, as there stood before you was Gin, his best friend. He looked a bit forlorn, but when his eyes fixated on you he smiled, but it also looked a bit sad. “Good morning, Y/N!” You waved him to come in. “Hey, Gin! Are you waiting for Rangiku? I can go wake her up for ya.” He just shook his head and sat down on the couch. His demeanor catches you off guard, as you plop on top of the couch across from him. You couldn’t really read him. He was your friend, but by extension almost. You hadn’t taken the time to get to know who he is as a person.

“So. I will give it to you straight.” 

“Is everything okay?”

“Aizen isn’t coming back.” Your eyebrows furrow, mouth running dry. Did you hear him correctly? Aizen isn’t coming back? You shook your head, confused at his statement, “I don’t understand, Gin. What do you mean?”

“He left the university. The Campus. He moved out..” Your eyes felt hazy as he spoke, you saw his mouth moving but no words came out. You shook your head again, and put your hand up to stop him from speaking. Lips halt, and as he stops, Rangiku walks down the stairs, yawning. “Good morning! What’re you two doing up this early?” 

Gin motions her to sit down next to you, and with a stern look on his face, to let her know that it's a serious matter. Swiftly as told, she locks her place next to you as he continues.

“His mom came by the house to talk to him. He didn’t tell me why.. He then packed all his essentials and left… I’m assuming he is probably going to take over the family business.. He will also have to transfer out to the university that's within his city.. He said to tell you as soon as I could.. I’m sorry Y/N.” 

You felt numb hearing that. He didn’t even have the chance to tell you goodbye. He just left. Your eyes felt heavy. You didn’t know how to feel. All you know is that:

The news left you heartbroken. 

To make matters worse, the touch, the kiss, the scent, lingered on your skin. You didn’t realize tears were rolling down your eyes until you felt Rangiku dabbing your face with a tissue. “T..T-this sucks.” You managed to speak out, half laughing half crying.  It felt awkward. None of you knew what to say. It felt like a gut punch for all of you. Randomly leaving without saying a word felt like some sort of betrayal. Rangiku felt the worst for you. She knew how smitten you were with him, so for him to just up and leave left a bad taste in her mouth and greatly upset her.

– 

Gin leaves shortly after, and you are in your room. Rangiku originally offered to console you, but you wished to be alone at the moment. You laid in a fetal position in the bed that was once inhabited by Aizen. The smell of his cologne lingered, and that made all the tears come back. This wasn’t fair at all. He was being so cryptic, even to his best friend. You would go in circles trying to figure out why he left, what was the issue, so on and so forth. He didn’t even go to you to say goodbye.

You sat up, huffing, and wiping your tears. Surely he had a good reason. Your Aizen would tell you why, and would make sure you didn’t cry. He wouldn’t intentionally hurt you. 

It was starting to strain your head as you over thought the different opportunities. You started to drift off to sleep as the last tear fell.

-

Your eyes flutter open and you check your window. It was still light outside, and you suddenly had nothing to do today. You laid there, the salted tears sticking to your face. You stare at the ceiling, lost. What were you supposed to do now? You put so much time in a relationship that instantly vanished. You had no way of contacting him. Curse the time you lived in. You couldn’t just go back to the way things were. That was nearly impossible. There was a hole in your heart that couldn’t be filled. Maybe you were thinking too damn hard, but you just lost the first man you ever loved. The stages of grief will overtake you soon enough. It wasn’t like he was dead. There was still a chance to bump back into him. If you did though you were going to give him a piece of your damn mind. 

After some more thinking, you got up and headed over to Rangiku’s room, where you were met with a big hug from Masaki. She was informed briefly about what happened with Aizen, and you just happened to have come bursting in at the right moment. 

“How are you feeling, Y/N?” You felt more exhausted than sad. Amalgamations of thoughts and the sadness settled into your head like plague, leaving you a rotting mess. “I’m.. a bit tired.. I.. I’m thinking too much about this.” As you said that your eyes drifted away, and they definitely saw the change.

You were so vibrant and so lively. The backbone of the group and the most cheerful one. Positive and loving. They adored you for all the traits you had to complete them. Your positivity grew even more once you met Sosuke Aizen, and you bloomed. The sudden wilt was so unwelcomed and so sudden. They needed to get you back on your feet asap.

After some much talk they managed to get Aizen off your mind for now. They were talking to you about school, because even if your priority had been Aizen, school was the reason you were really doing anything in life right now and why you even met him in the first place. You were so preoccupied that you’d forgotten about finals. Engaging with them about which next party you were all gonna hit up, hosting sleepovers. Anything to get your mind out of the gutter. It sure helped tremendously. 

Hopefully the road to recovery is gonna be a good one. You didn’t do much good wallowing around being sad. 

-

It had been a couple of weeks. You felt the same way about everything, but less overthink-ish and back to your happy self. Sure the hole was very much apparent, but there really wasn’t much you could do. He didn’t communicate to his closest friends either, so what do you think you could even do at that point? You figured it was time to move on and continue to live your life like normal. It was for the best anyways as important tasks at hand play into making sure you graduate with flying colors. 

You went out way more frequently with your friends, mingled with people, started hanging out with Kisuke again, but platonically this time, just so you didn’t have a chance to sit alone with your own thoughts. He understood this and was a good friend to you however he could be. Your intake of alcohol and partying dwindled as time went on. You were more interested in meaningful friendships and connections. You held study sessions with friends and had board game parties every Saturday night. It was a nice change of pace. 

It wasn’t all good though. You would soon find yourself at the center of some gossip. People wondering why Sosuke had left, whispers, saying you had something to do with it. It made you perpetually sad for a few days, but you managed to ignore them all. The right people knew the truth, and that is what you cared about. Hinamori checked in on you and what an angel for doing so, but she was a bit upset at you, hence the rumor plagued her mind.  You’d simply brush it off stating that the rumors weren’t true, and you didn’t know what happened, which was 100% true. This managed to ease her mind, and soon the rumors started to be hushed. 

– 5 months later,

Sosuke steps inside the mansion, the maid bowing to him, as she takes his coat. He was beyond exhausted. It had been over 5 months since he’d left campus to start his new career path. School was way more tiresome than he had originally thought. Piles of papers, reading books on top of books. He actually thought his head might implode from the amount of material his brain was absorbing. Even though it proved strenuous at times he felt somewhat thrilled of his newfound position. The content was easier than he thought, the workload was just monstrous, tiring. It almost seemed endless. His routine was as followed:

Wake up and eat breakfast, work and study for 10+ hours a day, go to the gym, and then wind down, rinse and repeat.

It was a lonely life. It almost felt like isolation. The only people he talked to were his mother and professor. He tried to make it positive though. He would often think of you, and all those times you and him hung out. How you would teach him flashcards, how you two would order take out and study for hours on end, and how excited you were to tell each other you passed your tests because you were both really good at helping each other study. Oh how he wished you were here to do just that for him so he may keep motivation. 

His eyes were hazy as fingers snapped in front of him. His mother stares up at him, brows furrowed. He’d been sitting silent, and without response for almost 5 minutes as his mother chatted with him about how today went. Sosuke hums in response, “It was the usual. It’s getting easier.” She knew he was of few words, so it was no surprise of the response. She had faith in him, and she felt a bit bad instilling this upon him, but he was the only one capable of keeping the company from collapsing. His mother had the most trust in her son to dominate this. Hopefully he will come to forgive her one day. 

Sosuke heads into his room after a brisk shower and lays down, his head hanging off the edge. Caramel hazel eyes stare upon the ceiling, thinking back on the ill fated day; 

Aizen kissed your forehead before you bid him farewell. Oh a man in love. He felt so great. Like he could take over the world.

As he walked towards the house he passed by a couple of stores. 

That bouquet would look really nice in your bedroom. You’d love this cafe. That dress would look so beautiful on you, you’d love it. Maybe he could get a piece of jewelry made for you. He forgot to ask which color you prefer, silver or gold. Maybe diamonds? What if he just got you all three? But you’d probably kill him if you found out he spent so much.  He felt a bit giddy at the possibilities of spoiling you. 

As he nears his house, he spots a black car and his stomach drops. 

Stepped out a woman in high heels, dior dress, hair cut short to her neck, and lipstick red as blood. She looked like the spitting image of Sosuke. Their eyes meet. If it was possible his stomach drops lower. 

He shuffles towards her and smiles warmly, embracing briefly before he pulls away, coughing, “Hello mother. What brings you here today?” She just eyes him warily before the two of them step into the car. He gets into the other side as she climbs back in her side before turning towards him, “You’re going to need this.” Tipping a small bottle of alcohol towards him she purses her lips. Aizen blinks towards her and grabs the alcohol, breaking the seal and taking a shot of the content. The hard liquor goes down smooth and he sighs, signaling that he was ready for his mother to continue 

“Your grandfather is dead.”  

…

“Your father is in critical condition.”

…

His ears started ringing. A vein in his forehead pops up. He was livid. At his family. A normal reaction was to become upset that family members were gone or injured, but to him it was hell on earth. That would mean to give up his freedom and to become a slave to a company that had no benefits for him. He was to become the heir eventually, but he wanted to finish school, start a family, do everything he wanted to before he had to become bitter and betray himself like his father and grandfather did. Hell, they had the chance to live their lives. Why couldn't he? Surely there’s people to fill the gap. He wanted to be with you. The right way.

“What happened?” His mothers tears started to fall, and as fast as it came, she wiped it away. She coughs and pinches the bridge of her nose, “Some kids were driving under the influence.. Their car hit them from the driver's side. Your grandfather was driving.”  

He remained silent. Aizen felt odd. He felt a bit at ease, but all of the sudden a wave of sadness hit him. He didn’t like the way they treated him, but it makes him a bit sad that his mother will be more alone than she already was. This company was also her lifeline. It was her dream for him to take over. All the conflicting feelings surround him. Aizen just mentally sighs, and pushes it off for another time to ponder over. He pulls his mom into his arms. This was an important life altering choice he was to make. It was consequential. Surely you’d understand.

“Let me grab some clothes first..” He mumbles, getting out of the car and entering the home. As he steps in, Gin and Tosen stand there, patiently waiting for an explanation. 

“Family matters. I will have to leave the school and city.. and I won't be back.. Please tell Y/N. I will get in touch with you both as soon as I can.”  With that he walks to his room and starts grabbing his things. Everything reminding of you, photos, souvenirs, your perfume you left at his house. He stuffs it all in his luggage and gives his best friends a brief hug. They knew he wasn’t the touchy type person nor was he the type to show his feelings, so this definitely meant goodbye, hopefully for now.

After he gets in his car the driver starts, his mother starts to brief him on what is expected of him. They were going to switch his major at the new university that he will be attending, along with expediting his school, so that he may get the required materials under his belt. He will then undergo strict training by the company, making sure to keep tabs on him 24/7, which meant no communication outside of his immediate family. As he envisioned; hell. This would go on until he was evaluated and met the requirements to fully take on the company. They weren’t going to let an amateur, no matter how related they were, run the company. It was just too much of a liability for them, and he understood. That was why he didn’t have a desire to run it at all. The pressure turned everyone bitter and it was too damning for the mental health. 

Aizen pursed his lips and nodded, listening intently. All he could think of was you. He felt stuck. He wished so badly that he could see you. To ask you to come. But he knew his mother wouldn’t allow it. He knew it wasn’t the right time. All these issues putting wedges in his plans greatly frustrated him. Aizen just wanted to wrap his arms around you and cuddle you till the end of time. 

How odd, he thought of you more than his family. The one who provided him every stepping stone he needed to be where he was. He owed his father and his grandfather everything, but he couldn’t help it. The moment he could, he would go looking for you.

Alas, he was just a young man with no power. 

– 1 month later.

They had an intimate gathering for his grandfather's funeral. It was family only as the will was to be read out loud. Many of his family members received gratitude from the patriarch, however, Aizen was to get 50% of shareholders of the company and 100% of his wealth. There were outbursts and confusion as to why. The patriarch wasn’t the typical man to put his eggs in one basket. The executor continues;

“Sosuke Aizen, my dear grandson. I see you as the brightest star in the sky. I may have been harsh to you growing up, but I sincerely believe it is for your own good. You’ve grown to become a good man, and with the appropriate backing I know you can become better. Do not waste your potential, and do not let me or your mother down.” His heart pounds. The pressure just gets worse. He wanted to vomit. To scream in frustration.  Everyone talks amongst themselves and then it quiets down as the executor continues. Aizen starts to tune everyone out. He ponders, what life would be like once he's used to the pain, pressure, and hardship. Will he be a husk of his former self? Will he just be cold and callous? Will he ever see you again? 

As the ceremony ends, he takes a minute to step outside, and stands there taking in the air. He paces back and forth on the bridge as he reminiscences about the past once again. It felt good that he had time to do something for himself just this once. He wishes this was an everyday occurrence. He just had to hold it out. He could do this. 

– 2 months later

Sosuke lays his head down in agony as he finishes his test. He was ready to get some food and go home. Today will be his rest day.  He had a smile on his lips. Despite the fucked up headache that was insisting in his head, he was looking forward to some rest today. Maybe get some tea made, read a book, watch a movie. He had no desire to do anything else than to soothe his head running at mach speed.

As he steps foot in the mansion he hears a squeal, and he cranes his neck, dropping his bag on the floor next to his foot. His mother bee lines toward him, and drags him toward the living room.  As his eyes get adjusted to the light he notices two men sitting down, chatting amongst themselves. His ears ring, everything adjusting properly. Gin & Tosen.

“Well well well. If it isn’t the man of the hour.” Oh how he missed the sly grin from his friend. It was such a warm sight for him. Aizen smiled at them and gave them a brief hug. His sudden tiredness had vanished into thin air. He wanted to simply catch up with his buddies. It was a refreshing sight. As much as he loved his mother and appreciated his professor, he was dying for some real human interaction. 

His mother coughed and they all turned their attention to her. “I’ve.. arranged them to come work with you at the company..” She starts. Aizen wasn’t sure whether to be appreciative or what. He’d love the company of his friends. It was needed as he knew this was going to be a hectic time for him, however, he didn’t quite enjoy the strings she was pulling for favor. He decided to take it as a positive thing and nodded, making sure to thank her at a later time. Aizen knew this was for his own good. 

“At first it was hard to convince them.. But as you can tell it was done. They were elated when they found out about the status of your health. These are good friends, Sosuke.” Her smile was warm, and Aizen couldn’t help but smile back, “I appreciate it mother. It’s good to know they’ll have my back.” 

After his mom excused herself they chatted some more, catching up. 

“I am a free man.” Tosen proclaimed. He caught Aizen up on what he was doing nowadays, and Gin was the same. Still with Rangiku. Happy as ever. When it was Aizen’s turn he took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose, already exhausted from what he was about to say. “Where do I start…” he shakes his head, “A lot of studying. Too much, actually. I have barely gotten any interaction with anyone. It’s like an isolated boot camp. I come home and eat, sleep, go study, work out, rinse and repeat.” The visible eye bags definitely solidified his statement. They knew Sosuke out to be a clean and pristine, no visible sign of any issues, type of man. His hair looked a bit longer as well. 

“When was the last time you got a haircut?”

“I can’t even remember. Probably before I left campus.” He chuckled dryly. Gin smiled, tapping his knee, concocting a plan, “We should go out to celebrate. Get something to eat and clean you up.” He suggests. With little to no resistance, Aizen agreed. They went into the car and drove into town where they continue to have their conversations while they get his haircut

“You know they’re coming out with these cool hand held devices. I think they are called cellphones.” Tosen remarked, eyes glued to the TV that was advertising a blackberry phone. This greatly piqued Aizen’s interest as his eyes averted to the screen, making sure his barber didn’t knick his scalp. This also brought him back to a special memory. His eyes fall to Gin and Tosen who were discussing the new phone;

“How is Y/N?” 

“She’s doing good from what I remember.. Everyone got so busy with getting ready to graduate.. I haven’t seen much of them lately. I heard she’s been doing some volunteer work. She seems a bit more independent these days.”

-

You heaved, grabbing onto the fridge. Prying it open, you grab a cold bottle of water and chug it down as you stand in front of a fan, cooling yourself off as you regulate your body temp.

You were tired after volunteering at a school nearby. It was a newfound passion for you and when you had the chance you volunteered to help out. It also greatly helped with your school. Everything was finally going up and up. Today you were helping with Field Day for the kids and you were casted outside. It was super hot and you were dehydrated from all the running around, but it brought you great happiness being able to put a smile on kids faces. 

“I feel like I don’t see you anymore!” Masaki rounds the corner and whines, clutching you in a death grab. She cries dramatically, as you groan at the sudden heat her body was producing. “Masaki, I'll beat you up.” You half joked, prying her off of you a second after. The two of you sit down and chit chat as you relax. 

“How have you been? Finals has been taking up so much of my time… cramming is starting to hurrrrt…” 

“I’ve been busy as well so it’s okay.. I’ve been volunteering on my time off, and I've also been cramming for our last finals.. So tired..” You both groan in sync, laughing a bit after. Then it was silent, Masaki’s eyes fall on you;

“How are you feeling?” You knew exactly what she meant when she asked you that. You turned to her, and it was an odd feeling of calm.

“I’m… okay! Truly, it’s been a crazy journey and I do have him to thank cause I’m doing things I didn’t think I’d be doing you know?”

“I do miss him though.. I really miss him. It hurts… sometimes-but it’ll be alright.”

It was endearing, and bittersweet. You two exchanged hugs and continued to talk a little more before you went off on your own accord. You headed to the shower and continued your day.

You were a couple of weeks off before your graduation and you could not have been more thrilled. It was an exciting new chapter in life once you finish up.

–

“Y/N L/N” You anticipated as you walked across the stage. You were in near tears as you shook hands with faculty. It was surreal. You were stoked, proud of yourself, everything. You were ready to tackle life by the horns. Getting to the end, you pose for a photo, sniffling lightly as you hurried back to your seat and waited as the rest of your classmates walked. You reflected on your school year as you sit there in awe;

You had the pleasure of meeting your best friends Rangiku and Masaki as you bumped into them at the orientation. The three of you hit it off immediately. You all came from different schools but shared many interests. You started hanging around with them more often and decided to create a group together. 

After your first year together you guys pitched in to get a house together on campus, and it was an absolute blast. You hosted endless parties, sleepovers, study sessions, girls day/night out, anything you could think of, you ladies did. You would go out partying regularly, and just live your life. 

Studied more, cried more about school, bounced back. Aced your subjects, participated in school events. Even pulled pranks.

Then you met Aizen. That was perhaps your fondest memory. You wished that he was here. You really thought you would be able to walk the stage and take a photo with him when you both graduated. You wanted so badly to hard launch your relationship at graduation and make yourselves known to everyone that you were in love. You wanted to share one of the most important milestones of your life with him. 

You were tearing up as the Dean finished their speech. You rose up and pulled the tassel to the side, then tossed it up in the air as you let out screams of pure joy alongside your classmates.

After you walked out of the arena, you bee lined towards your group and they squeal with you, pulling you into bone crushing hugs. You gave the guys a group hug as well before you all took a photo together. You stayed and mingled, chatted amongst your friends and classmates. Took more photos together before you said your goodbyes. 

You got home before anyone else did and your shoulders instantly sagged. Before you could even process your emotions you felt your face wet with tears. The sting in your heart was still clinging on like a disease, and it hurt like hell.  You slid down the door of your room and held yourself, crying silently, and burying your head down. It was unfair that you felt this way on your special day. But you wanted to be here today, with him. Why couldn’t he come see you? Why couldn’t he tell you what was happening? It was so disheartening to feel. You were tired. You did not want to continue feeling this way so you knew you could do the one thing you should’ve done in the beginning.

Move on.

You stifled your cries and dabbed your tear stained cheeks, making sure not to ruin your makeup in the process and stood up. Your newfound resolve skyrockets with every breath you take. It was time to face the fact that he wasn’t going to come back. Maybe this is one of the stages of grief, but hell, you were ready to get through it now more than ever. You didn’t wanna feel like a fool anymore- especially not on your graduation day.

[grampstaxidermy87]

Are you able to write about poly lost boys x male reader who has bipolar? Maybe he's going through a depressive episode or something?

I’m here

An:Hello my lovelies! I’m back after my sudden hiatus, I am sorry this took me so long but life had gotten pretty hectic, all good things I promise! Anyways I do hope you like it! ❤️

Warning: Bipolar!Reader, Male pronouns used, poor mental health, Suicidal thoughts, Swearing.

It was hard to pinpoint an exact reason why my body suddenly refused to move, and yet my mind was racing. That voice that was usually in the back of my mind now took up all of my brain, telling me I wasn’t good enough,that I should just wither away because everyone hates me.

The stress was the worst part, making me feel ashamed for having emotions,that maybe I wouldn’t be feeling like this if I wasn’t so weak…if I were stronger I would be happy.

The blankets felt suffocating around me, but I felt nauseous of the idea of building up the energy to kick them off. Looking up with heavy eyes I saw my clock flashing ‘8:50’ which meant my boys were probably already at the boardwalk waiting for me while I laid here being useless.

That voice spoke louder,they were better off without me dragging them down, they would have more fun now that they didn’t have to worry about me.

Tears filled my eyes as I hugged my stuffed bear tighter, it was a gift from David after he had caught me staring at it and the next day I woke up to it sitting on my bedside table staring at me.

Of course the stoic leader denied having any idea of what I was talking about when I thanked him, but I could see the way his beautiful blue eyes softened when he thought I wasn’t looking.

It still smelled like them, to the point where I was pretty sure they each rubbed their scent on it just so I would end up smelling like them.

That thought brought a small hint of a smile to my face, I really missed them...

A sudden knock on the window beside my bed made me jump, "Babe? You sleeping?" Marko...

"Come on Doll, we know you're awake." David said sliding the window up and slipping inside, they didn't need permission to enter, I gave it to them so long ago that they just waltzed right in whenever they wanted.

"Aww look at our mate wrapped up like a cute little burrito!" Paul cooed hopping in and laying down behind me, I didn't bother moving over since he was just going to tangle himself around me anyways.

He had no idea how much comfort such a simple act brought me right now, the pressure helping to keep me grounded and not get lost in my spiraling mentality.

"Hey Baby boy, we missed you at the boardwalk. Are you feeling sick?" Dwayne's concerned eyes stared into mine as he knelt down beside the bed, reaching up to brush my matted hair out of my face.

"Physically yes..." David sat on his designated chair at my desk, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"Is it happening again? Doll you should have called Max, he would have told us earlier so you didn't have to be alone." David scolded lightly, knowing I wasn't exactly thinking rationally when I was like this.

"I didn't want to bother anyone, I shouldn't need a babysitter anytime I feel a little sad." I huffed forcing myself to sit up, Paul fallowed and brought me back into his chest as he gently hugged me.

"Baby, this isn't just you being a little sad. We love you and want to be here for you, what kind of mates would we be if we can't help you with these kinds of things." Marko sat on the bed and took one of my hands, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles in soothing circles.

Despite how soft they were being with me I just felt so angry, defeated. I didn’t know how much longer I could deal with this stupid disorder.

“I love you guys too…I just wish I didn’t feel like this! I don’t even remember what triggered it this time…” I hadn’t even realized I was crying until Dwayne was wiping the tears off my cheeks.

“It’s okay to be upset my handsome prince, Your feelings are completely valid. But bottling it all up isn’t healthy,you’ll only end up hurting yourself. That’s why we want you to rely on us too.” The others voiced their agreements and I looked up as David approached and cupped my chin,making me shiver from the intensity of those striking blue eyes of his.

“You’re not going to scare us away,if that’s what you’re afraid of. We are immortal vampires who kill to survive, you being Bipolar isn’t going to make us change the fact that we love you more than you’ll ever know. We have killed for you,Ripped bastards apart for even looking at you the wrong way.” He said leaned down until our faces were inches apart.

“Isn’t that enough to prove our complete and utter devotion to you?” My breath hitched in my throat and he smirked when he heard my heart skip a beat.

“Such a romantic Davey.” Paul teased earning a smack up the head from Marko for ruining the moment,”Shut up Paul.”

They started arguing but stopped once hearing the quiet chuckle that passed my lips as i tiredly rubbed at my cheeks, “I love you guys, I’m so-“ ,”(Y/n), if the next two words out of you mouth are ‘I’m sorry’ I will smack you.” Dwayne warned successfully shutting me up.

“You have nothing to apologize for babe, You’re allowed to have emotions. And yea sometimes they really suck ass, but you’re not alone.” Paul cooed cuddling into me and pressing a kiss on my neck.

Marko moved to press a kiss to my cheek and sat back with a smile,“He’s right love, you’re stuck with us.” A teasing smile tugged at my lips and I playfully rolled my eyes, “Lucky me…”

The terror twins immediately tackled me back into bed, with feral grins and merciless fingers that tickled all the spots they knew by heart.

Dwayne and David stood off to the side, smiling at the three of us softly. They were happy to hear my laughter, no matter how far into my own head I got they would always be there to bring me back or offer a listening ear.

Because we were family, one big messy family.

[bradshawsbaby]

ahhh, miles!al and his controversially younger gf!!! 🥵🥹 the part about you knowing what the other secretaries are saying about you? what if one day you overheard them saying something really mean and al comforts you when he sees how upset you are? 🥺

He hates seeing you so sad! 🥺 No one hurts his girl!

Al knew something was wrong. You’d been way too quiet all through dinner, barely touching the filet mignon you’d ordered at the waiter’s recommendation and offering him only a couple forced smiles, a hint of sadness pulling down the corners of your sweet mouth. And on the drive back to his place, you’d simply stared out the window, fiddling absentmindedly with the hem of your skirt.

You were normally so bubbly and full of enthusiasm, always peppering him with silly questions and telling him stories that made him smile. You were truly such a bright spot in his life, and he didn’t realize just how much he’d come to depend on that until your light was suddenly dimmed.

“Baby, what’s the matter?” he finally asked once the two of you were standing inside the foyer of his spacious home, his hands gently massaging your shoulders as he slid your jacket off. He pressed a tender kiss to your neck, but felt you tense slightly. “Did I do something?”

“No,” you insisted, shaking your head and avoiding his gaze. Your throat felt tight and you were dangerously close to tears. “No, you didn’t do anything. I just—I’m going to go change, okay?” you murmured, leaning over to peck him on the lips before hurrying past him and up the stairs.

Al watched you go, sighing softly. He wished you would tell him what was bothering you, because clearly something was. Shutting off the lamps on the main floor of the house, he slowly followed you up the stairs and walked down the hall towards his bedroom. He could hear you moving around, and it made him smile indulgently. You didn’t technically live here—you’d only been together a few months, after all—but somewhere along the line, you’d ended up with your own drawer in his room, filled with your favorite nighties and a few outfits that he particularly loved on you.

As he moved closer to his bedroom, however, Al could hear the faint sound of sniffles on the other side of the door and it made him freeze in his tracks.

You were crying.

Busting open the door immediately, he caught you whirling around so that your back was to him, wiping furiously at your wet cheeks. You were in a partial state of undress, your blouse and skirt laid over a chair while one of your nightgowns was flung across the bed.

“Baby,” Al cooed gently, stepping up behind you and resting his hands on your shoulders. “Talk to me. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I don’t want to tell you,” you whimpered, sniffling softly and wiping at your nose with the back of your hand.

“Hey,” he said, wincing when he realized the word had come out a little more sternly than he’d intended. “Hey,” he repeated in a softer voice, turning you slowly and lifting your chin with one hand. “You can tell me. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

When you just continued to cry, the tears falling silently down your cheeks, he stepped away from you to grab your silk nightgown and gestured for you to lift your arms so that he could slip it over your head. Once you were dressed, he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and led you to the side of the bed, where he sat you down and began stroking your back.

“Baby girl, please talk to me. I’ll fix it, whatever it is. Just tell me,” he begged, taking one of your hands in his and stroking your knuckles with his thumb.

“You can’t fix it,” you told him, taking a shaky breath as you tried to get your emotions under control. “It’s stupid. It’s—it’s just—do you know Susan? From Accounts?”

The name sounded somewhat familiar, but Al couldn’t quite place her.

“Well, it doesn’t even matter,” you went on, twisting your hand anxiously in the fabric of your nightgown. “It’s just that I saw her at lunch today. Or, I guess I should say I heard her.”

Al had a sinking feeling that he knew exactly where this was going as he tucked your hair behind your ear and caressed your cheek. He was quiet, allowing you to take your time.

“She was talking to some of the other secretaries and I heard my name come up.” Your face crumpled as you looked over at your boyfriend. “She called me a whore and said that I was just spreading my legs for you so that I could get a cushy new position,” you finally confessed, breaking down in tears again.

Rage bubbling up inside his chest, Al wrapped his arms around you and made a mental note to figure out exactly who Susan from Accounts was. “Oh, baby,” he said in a comforting voice, dropping a kiss on the top of your head. “Fuck those miserable hags. They don’t know shit.”

“But I know it’s what everyone’s thinking!” you cried, your tears soaking the front of his shirt. “Everyone is saying it! I’m not stupid, Al. I know how they all talk about me.”

“Hey,” Al said sharply, cupping your face in his hands and thumbing away your tears. “I don’t care what any of them have to say. They’re all a bunch of miserable bastards, the whole lot of them. You’re the only one who matters, you hear me?”

You nodded your head slowly, eyes wide as you gazed up at him, your cheeks still damp as you sniffled softly.

“And you want to know something else?” he asked, running his fingers through your hair.

“Mhm,” you murmured, resting your hand on his chest.

“I love you,” he said, looking deeply into your eyes as he pressed his forehead against yours.

Your eyes widened even further as your mouth popped open in shock. “You do?” you squeaked, awestruck. Neither of you had ever said those words before.

“Yeah, I do,” Al smiled, kissing you tenderly. “And if Susan from Accounts has anything to say about it, she can come talk to me.”

“Oh, Al! I love you, too!” you gasped, your tears forgotten as you threw your arms around him and kissed him deeply.

“There’s that smile,” he grinned, tracing the outline of your lips with his fingertip. “I love that smile. Almost as much as I love you, baby girl.”

Giggling, you crawled into his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck. “Let’s go to bed, darling.”

“Whatever you want,” Al chuckled, laying you down against the pillows and spending the rest of the night showing you just how much he loved you.

[aemondsbeloved]

I Knew You’d Haunt All Of My What-Ifs

summary: ten years have passed since you’ve parted from Aegon and married another. When you meet again much has changed and you have both lost too much, but the love from your youth is still there (5.7k)

warnings: mentions of character death, miscarriages and trouble giving birth, angst to fluff, hopeful ending!! AU where Aegon is King

this is a part 2 for I Knew You’d Linger Like A Tattoo Kiss

“I fear that I have disappointed you as a husband, lady wife,” your husband, Lorean Lannister said to you, holding your hand.

You laid on your chaise chair in your chambers at Casterly Rock, having just performed your duties in the birthing bed. The pungent smell of the blood on the sheets being carried from your bed by the midwives still lingered in the rooms.

You were grateful, at least, for the youngest of the midwives opening your windows so you could let the fresh smell of the air permeate the lingering stench.

With your fresh gown on and being bathed after your labors you could almost forget that your labors were of no success, that there was not another Lannister to run around Casterly Rock. Another boy, it would have been, if the babe had not come so early.

The hand in yours was a reminder who you were now and what you had failed to achieve. Turning to him you smiled, not one of love but one of appreciation. You were lucky your lord husband was not a cruel man.

“You could never disappoint me, lord husband,” you only gave his hand a squeeze, upset that you were the cause of that grief stricken look on his face. “I am the one, after all, who has disappointed you. I am the one who deprived you of another son.”

He looked away, sighing you name with a sad tenor. “We have two sons, my heir and the spare. The maester said your labors were difficult as had the last two been. It was not right for you to fall with child again, my love. It was too dangerous. We should not have tried to conceive another.”

You smiled dryly. “There is nothing that can prevent the difficulties of childbirth. A stillborn and a miscarriage were hard on me, as it was on you, husband. I know how badly you wanted a large family like you grew up in. I only regret that I have not given it to you.”

He looked to you, smiling in a way that showed he could cry if he had not had the strength to hold himself back. “To think that if things had not gone this way we would not only have two sons but four by now and a daughter too.”

His expression said it all, as did the hand that held yours. He desperately wanted a daughter too, perhaps it was the fondness he held for his two sisters growing up as a boy.

“That is not the way of things in this world, husband,” you said with remorse. “At least the Gods blessed us with two sons. Two good sons,” you added with importance.

Your sons were charismatic like their father and bold like their mother yet without the pride you had once said all Lannisters had. You loved your children and were proud how they have grown but could not fall in love with your husband.

“I love our sons,” he admitted, looking at you now and you could see the honesty in his green eyes. “You have made me a better man, I only wish you could love me as I love you.”

You opened your mouth but he made a gesture, shaking his head with a rueful smile on his lips. “Forget it,” he said, gently still. “You must rest now.”

With that, he had left the room and you could only lay there looking through your window to the sky outside. It was hours later that you received a letter that Queen Helaena had went into her own labors and had died due to complications, her baby along with her. The letter had detailed the funeral that would take place, her dragon Dreamfyre would be the only to burn her body along with her child’s. All you could think about was how when you were losing you son, Aegon was losing his wife, sister, and stillborn child in one day.

You found yourself wanting to write a letter to him, expressing your sympathies and revealing your own losses to him but that was not proper. You were not yet old but you were not so young and foolish anymore. You could not send a letter to the King like that because he was not yours to comfort. In due time someone on his small council would tell him of the loss of Lord and Lady Lannister, the third child dead as it entered the world. He would not write to you, so you should not write to him. Still though, you could only think of him the rest of the day.

It was months later and summer had come. You had mourned your dead child and no longer wore the blacks you were so used to donning after your child had perished. You begun spending every day outside the castle with your two sons when you had the time. They were growing faster than you’d like, having trained with the sword and your first excelled at it while the second loved his studies most of all.

It was this time of year your husband adored hunting. You supposed it was one of those things that he had for himself and you could not deny him even if you wished it.

In the mornings he would go, your handmaiden would let you know and you thought little of it, only expecting the beast he hunted that would be prepared by the cooks in the kitchens for a meal later that evening.

You should have learned to not take things for granted. After all this time, you should have learnt that. It seems you did not.

“My lady,” your husband’s father, Jason Lannister had come to you as you sat with your youngest son as he read while you stitched embroidery. “A moment of your time if you please.”

His serious expression was unlike your father-in-law and you saw how he glanced at your son. “Go find your brother, sweet boy,” you told him gently with a smile and when you saw the protest that was soon to come. Likely one about how he wished to finish his book and not train with his brother who only ever was found in the training yard. “You can finish it later, I promise. But go to your brother now.”

When he left you dropped the smile, worry showing on your features. “What is it, my Lord? I thought you were to be hunting with my husband and his brother.”

You knew what he was going to say before he said it, his face giving it away.

“I will speak plainly, my lady. There was a hunting accident, a wild boar that even my asstute son could not see coming. He.. is dead, I fear I must tell you. He died immediately.”

You should have been heartbroken but you were not. A tear did slide down your cheek as your body felt weak, though, with no strength left. You could only think of your sons and how they had lost their father. You had no love for your father, with his own drinking and harsh ways but Lorean was not like your father. He was a good man to your sons. He was not your lover but he was a companion of sorts. You mourned their father in your sons stead as they had lost something much more precious than you had.

Telling your sons Jonn and Mathin was not the worst of it, it turned out. They had cried, your younger Mathin asking why father had to die, you telling him that the gods could be cruel. Your elder Jonn only stood strong, knowing that he was Lord of Casterly Rock, or soon would be when his grandfather would pass.

Though, the worst of it was finding a routine and moving on. The weeks that passed were just the same as they were while your husband lived but it felt somehow more empty. You did not love him, but you did care for him. Your boys grew and you only wished their father could be there for them.

When Tyland Lannister came to Casterly Rock, you were lucky that you could count on his assistance. Competent as you were when it came to finding a match for your sons you knew other lords would not be as generous to a mere lady. This was, after all, how your world worked. Constantly underestimating women is the only way the world would treat you and you were no fool. You were not a princess, you were a lady. The lords would not show you respect as a woman.

For this, you were grateful that Tyland, who had made it clear he would assist you as much as needed, was dedicated to finding your son a match as much as you are. You supposed wanting to secure your son’s futures and house Lannister’s strength was his dedication to his nephew beyond the grave. You would take all the help you could get and were glad for Tyland’s assistance in your trip to King’s Landing to find a match for your sons.

“This banquet hosted by the King will be a great opportunity for Jonn and Mathin,” Tyland told you as you walked through the gardens of Casterly Rock. “There will be many lords there, eager to make matches for their children. With the news of the heir to Casterly Rock dead, every lord will see Jonn and want him for their daughter’s husband. Casterly Rock is a fine seat and any daughter would be lucky to be your son’s lady wife. Mathin will be just as desirable for every house as well, my lady. He is a second son of one of the most prominent houses.”

“Your brother will be there as well,” you added, walking in step with him as you approached the inside of Casterly Rock. “Lord Jason has always been a good advocate for his grandsons, I have no doubt with the both of you at King’s Landing my sons will have a good match. With my good father presenting, I have little worry Jonn and Mathin will find worthy ladies to be betrothed to.”

“To be sure,” he agreed but you could sense there was more to it.

“Please speak your mind, Tyland,” you urged plainly.

“The other lords will listen to my brother. Despite my elder brother’s confidence in everything he does, the other lords respect him.”

“But?”

You heard him sigh. “You grew up with the King Aegon and his brother Prince Aemond. It is common knowledge, though now forgotten by the court, that you were close friends with his Grace.”

“What of it?” you asked, training yourself to not sound defensive. No one knew you had loved his Grace, more than a childhood companion had, and you had no intentions of displaying your past affections.

“If you were to speak to the King about a match for your sons, he would be inclined to assist you. His word would persuade any of the lords beyond my brother’s sway. No one would deny a King”

“I think you may have overestimated my friendship with his Grace. The day I left the Red Keep I ceased any contact with King Aegon.”

“That might not matter as much as you think, my lady," he said, insisting. “Childhood friendships linger even as we age. Perhaps we think of what it was like to be young and free, even.”

“Perhaps,” you conceded as you both walked into Casterly Rock.

It was a few days later that you traveled with your family and stepped foot in the Red Keep after years of being absent from it. It was a glorious thing to see both your sons look out the windows with some wonder at the castle you had grown up in.

Your sons could not help the curious questions on their minds, however.

“Why do we have to go to the banquet again?” the younger asked quizzically, turning from the window to look at you.

“When the Protector of the Realm asks all the great houses to come to such an event, we are obliged to do so,” you said with some seriousness. “It is a great honor.”

“I do not want to dance,” your elder son said, his eyes still glued to the window as he was disgruntled at the prospect of doing anything but training.

You chuckled under your breath at that.

“You won’t be dancing much, my boy,” his grandsire, Lord Jason Lannister said from his place on the other side of the carriage. “You may find some friends. This is your first event at King’s Landing.”

“You mean I’ll have to go to more?” Jonn asked incredulously while Mathin looked out the window again, unbothered.

“You will spend many nights throughout your lives attending banquets and feasts, but there is some fun to be had off the training yard.”

He hummed, not quite satisfied but did not push further.

Your good father shared a meaningful look with you. “When we arrive I would like it if you spoke to Tyland. My brother is on the King’s council and has some sway.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, withholding the chuckle at your good father’s arrogance. Tyland might have been on the small council but everyone with ears knew that the King listened to his hand the most and if you still knew Aegon, you doubted Tyland was someone who he looked to anything for.

But you did not know Aegon anymore as that was rather the point, thinking if you put your all in your marriage it might dull the ache leaving him brought.

“—But of course, if you speak to the King I have little doubt he will listen. Or perhaps, Prince Aemond, as he is now the Hand to the King and you grew up with them both.”

Gods, was he still going on about this?

“Lord Jason,” you willed yourself to remain kind as exasperated as you felt. “I’ve not seen King Aegon and Prince Aemond in well over a decade. I am not sure what you expect.”

He opened his mouth, no doubt about to go on about something else but the carriage mercifully stopped, being opened for you. Jason promptly closed his mouth, getting out the carriage and helping you do the same. Mathin and Jonn followed suit.

“Lord Jason Lannister of Casterly Rock with his good daughter Lady Y/N Lannister and her sons, Jonn Lannister, the heir to Casterly Rock, and Mathin Lannister.”

You heard Ser Criston Cole announcing the arrival of your good father, you and your sons before you saw him.

“Lord Jason, I trust your journey was pleasant,” Queen Alicent, someone you had not seen in many years, greeted him. “Be welcome.”

“My Queen,” he bowed, enjoying the attention. “I have no doubt you remember my late son’s wife, Lady Y/N, from her time spent in King Viserys’ court?”

Moving out the way, you took a step forward, curtseying to the Queen. “My Queen,” you greeted her warmly with respect.

As soon as Alicent’s eyes were on you, the girl she had remembered very well now a woman grown, she exuded warmth, striding towards you. “Lady Y/N, it brings joy to us all to see you again.” Flitting her gaze to your sons behind you, Jonn standing proud and tall, Mathin’s posture just as straight with his softer and clever expression on his face. “I can see yourself in your sons so well. Motherhood suits you well.” She looked back at you so kindly you nearly felt a girl again.

“You honor me, your Grace.”

“Will you have tea with me in my apartments while your family gets settled? I had hoped to speak with you privately?”

You nodded, agreeing easily and before you knew it you left your sons to their grandfather, going with Alicent to her chambers in the castle.

Her apartments were just as you remembered and you smiled vaguely at the sight as her handmaiden poured tea for you both, leaving the room quietly. Alicent had already taken a seat on a chair as you moved to sit next to her. “It is so strange being here after so many years only for the castle to remain unchanged.”

She agreed quietly. This woman who had not just been your Queen but also had nearly been a mother to you when you were younger without one at court with an absent father, was deep in thought.

“Is there something you wish to ask me, my Queen?” you asked gently.

“I must tell you, Lady Y/N, that all those years ago you left the court our family felt your loss. You were a good friend to my children and I did not appreciate the good influence you had on Aegon. I thought my Helaena would make him softer and easier when they married but,” she trailed off and you stiffened. “That was not the case.”

Helaena, the Queen Consort who was now dead. You remembered the girl you had lessons with the Septa who had always seem in another world and was fascinated with her insects, destined to marry her brother who was so very difficult. Aegon had not wanted to marry her. You wondered if he mourned her— his sister, his wife, their dead child.

“If you do not mind me saying, your Grace, I am deeply sorry for the loss of Queen Helaena. There was no one more kinder and gentler I had met in my time here. She was a unique soul. I doubt we will see her likes in these walls again.”

A tearful smile and squeeze of your hand was her reply. “Thank you, my lady,” she said, voice thick from the tears wanting to fall. “Tragedy has befitted us both, I have heard. We both have lost fathers and husbands. I was deeply sorry when Tyland informed us of your husband’s sudden death.”

Despite not loving him, not truly anyways, you smiled the same sad smile. You were not soulmates and you could not love him the way you loved another in your youth but you had a family together. He was a companion in the least.

“Lorean was a good man. I worry for our sons. To grow up without a father is not a good thing to endure, especially when theirs was as devoted as he was to them.”

“They seem to be two fine boys. I am sure with Lord Jason and Ser Tyland they will grow up with great honor.”

You silently agreed with her. With the absence of your own mother you had always relied on Queen Alicent and now you wished to rely on her again. “My good father and uncle wish for advantageous marriages for my sons.”

Her brows raised indicating that was not what she expected you to say at all but you continued. “Men are always so concerned with what will make them look best I’ve found. Perhaps this is selfish but I wish my sons to have love in their marriages.”

Her silence filled the room. “If I have crossed a line, your Grace—”

“Nonsense,” she replied haastily. “I was not expecting those words from you is all, my lady. I understand the weight a father’s ambition can have.”

“Lord Jason and Ser Tyland are of the belief that my childhood friendship with your son guarantees a most powerful alliance in marriage,” you admitted, giving her a look of shared knowledge.

Men and their thirst for power. How tedious it was to women.

“You must see Aegon,” she urged with hope, battling the same decision in her mind as you have— admittance or pretending all was well. “He is so alone most days since Helaena has left us. Aemond spends all his free time with his ladywife and children but Aegon—” she cut herself off with a huff of breath, trying to reel herself in. “He has not turned out to be a poor father or king as I had feared, but he has no joy. I worry it might have been my doing.”

You were stunned into silence. Her next words were no surprise to you, though.

“I remember how close you two were,” she said with a slight smile as she looked at you and you thought maybe she was blind to how you felt for him all those years ago. “The closest of friends. I always told Ser Cole it reminded me of myself and—” she cut herself off, a frown tugging her lips harshly like the memory must have burned her. “Well, close as can be. Please see him, my dear. He will make a fine match for your sons, I know he would for you. Let your sons stay at court and meet other daughters of lords. They will find one they get on well with, I am sure, and one day,” her words trailed off before she focused on you again. “See Aegon. I know he would be most pleased to see you.”

“I will be more than happy to see him,” you murmured with a smile. “It has been a long time, indeed.”

When you left the Queen your skin itched with anticipation. You tried to pretend the prospect of seeing him again did not affect you but you were only lying to yourself. The same lie came easy when you swore you were going to him because his own mother said he was not well and you must honor your friendship.

“Is King Aegon occupied?” You asked the Kingsguard in front of Aegon’s chambers. “At the urgence of the Queen Dowager I had hoped to see his Grace.”

The scrutiny the Kingsguard gave you was not bothersome. You had long been scrutinized by men worse than him. The doors he was guarding opened before he could say anything to you.

“Lady Y/N,” greeted a voice coated in surprise. Long silver blonde tresses of hair and an eyepatch, that could be only one person. He moved past the Kingsguard to stand in front of you, a book tucked under his arm.

“Prince Aemond,” the happiness in your voice lifting your tone. “It has been so long since I’ve seen you. I hear much has changed in your life.”

“As have yours, my lady. You have not crossed our walls in some time,” he smiled courteously at you before casting a look at the Kingsguard. As the man in armor quickly left the message must have been clear. “I must admit, it is good to see you. A shame how long it has been.”

“The years go by quicker than I might have thought when I was a maiden,” you admitted. “I remember the games we would all play as children. A life time ago it seems.”

He raised his brows. “I remember you and my brother stealing a book from me in the library then proceeding to run around the castle to make me get it back.”

“You always did eventually catch us,” you teased him back, smiling in remembrance of childhood memories. “I hear the Gods have blessed you and your lady wife with many children. All girls, I heard.”

This time when he smiled it was genuine, fatherly pride on his face before a somber expression took over. “I thought of sending a letter as did we all but I am sorry for your losses, Y/N,” he frowned. “Your lord husband might have been the only tolerable Lannister to grace our halls. I have no doubt your children do him justice. If there is anything we might do to help, only ask.”

Your eyes flickered down to the pin on his jacket that signaled him as hand to the king. “Do not say the same to Lord Jason or Ser Tyland. You will live to regret it, my prince.”

He huffed a laugh. “Yes, Tyland is subtle but anyone with some intelligence could see he is striving for much more,” he shook his head disapprovingly. Aemond never did like the Lannisters for different reasons than Aegon did years ago before you were wed. “But if there is someone you want your sons to be betrothed to, come to me. Or better, my brother.”

Just like that your thought were on Aegon again and the past you had left behind. Right after, your mind laid heavy on Helaena and her absence. “I wanted to write as well,” you admitted. “I am so sorry about Helaena. She was the best of us.”

“My sweet sister,” he murmured with sadness. “She was too good and gentle to be of our world. But I know she would be glad you are here again.”

His heavy stare reminded you of his mother, knowing too much. He did not say anything else, just looking back at the cracked open door, back at you, then leaving.

You knocked on the door before pushing it open. From the entrance you could see it was dark, the curtains drawn closed despite it being midday. Unlike your teenage years in the Keep, the room was not littered with empty pitchers of wine.

“I told you to leave me be, brother,” you heard Aegon before you saw him, his voice irritated and deeper. “I am in no mood for company.”

“That is no way to greet your oldest friend,” you told him softly and walked further into the room, finally catching sight of him where he stood with his back turned and hands on his desk.

His entire body tensed and for a moment you thought you should not have come and that Alicent and Aemond’s insistence that you had returned was a good thing, was the very opposite. But then Aegon turned his head, lilac eyes meeting your across the room. Even here you could see the purple of his eyes had not changed.

He whispered your name, it sounding like a question. It was as if your name was a ghost, one he did not think he would catch a glimpse of again. “Is it truly you?”

You smiled gingerly, the corners of your lips quirking up at his sudden lack of anger he had when he believed you to be Aemond. “It is.”

There in Aegon’s larger chambers he had lived in since he had become King, you both looked at each other, taking in the changes in yourselves over the years. He looked different, tired from the years of being King, a father and perhaps the loss of his sister and wife Helaena was a reason for his haggard demeanor too. You were different too, bearing the appearance of a mother and a wife who had lost much, more or less than him.

Aegon stepped forward and met you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders in an embrace. You could not stop yourself as you embraced his middle, enjoying the moment you had of resting your cheek against his chest. It felt like a childhood memory, the embrace of the friend you loved. “I have missed you,” he admitted in a whisper. “I should have wrote to you. Helaena had told me to do so for years. It is no excuse.”

He pulled back from your embrace, not quite leaving your touch completely as his arms slid down your shoulders. His words had questions on the tip of your tongue. When had Helaena told him to write to you? Did she mean it as a friend writing to another friend, or was it for condolences when you lost your first child? Or did clever, astute Helaena always know what Aegon was to you and what you were to him?

“I am sorry about Helaena,” you said instead, but your voice was thick with emotion. “I wanted to write to tell you how heavy my heart was when I heard but it had been years.”

He bowed his head and took a deep breath, though you thought it was a shaky one too. “We did not love one another,” he admitted, not looking at you yet. “Not as a husband and wife should,” he huffed a breath that almost sounded like a laugh and when he looked back up at you he seemed to appear nostalgic with glassy eyes. “When we were children I remember telling you she was an idiot but I was wrong. She was always intelligent, though I did not even have it in me to understand her. I did not hate her as I thought I might have. I cared for her but never loved her.”

“I’m sorry,” it was the only thing you could think of to say.

He shook his head. “She did not love me either but she never had a paramour. I had given her leave to but she never,” his words died from his mouth and he seemed to be swimming in memories. “We did our duty and I did not stray far from her. It was a job, something that needed to be done, our duty. She was my sister.”

“I understand,” you whispered. “I never did love my husband. He did love me but I could never quite reciprocate. There was some happiness, though it is not the kind you hope to have as a young girl.”

Aegon gave you a long look and a hint of relief flickered in his gaze. You did not let your mind wander. You did not come to see him to confess about the love from your youth not quite disappearing.

“Why did you wish to see me?” he asked quietly, eyes refusing to leave your face and his hands reluctantly leaving your arms.

“Lord Jason wants advantageous matches for his grandsons,” you said sheepishly. “He and Ser Tyland are of the mind that our friendship in our youth would all but guarantee a power match for my sons.” Bashfully you smiled now thinking about how ridiculous the notion was.

“They are quite right. I would do anything for you, my dearest lady,” Aegon says matter of factly and the breath from your lungs left you. “Tell me what you desire for your sons and it will be done.”

He should not be calling you that, his dearest lady, and yet you needed to hear him say it a million times over again until he felt like his lungs had no more air just as yours did right now. Your lips parted, the shock and emotions pouring over you. “Only for my sons to know the Red Keep as I did when I was their age and for them to have happiness in their marriages. I should like to see my sons content and dare I say in love one day.”

He smiled ruefully and you mimicked him, chuckling at the thought. You could not think on your words before he spoke. “Whenever I look upon my sons and daughter I only wish for them to have what I did not, love when they marry one day. Having love within your grasp only for it to be taken from you is a burden heavier than I imagined.”

“Aegon,” you began, voice trembling and tearing yourself from his gaze. You wanted to beg him to not say something foolish. You wanted to let him say the things you only thought of in dreams.

“My adoration for you has not changed,” he told you hurriedly, not breathing between each word. “You have haunted me and I have regretted every day that I did not have us fly away on Sunfyre for good. I was horrid the day you left, cruel to everyone for weeks until father’s health withered and even I could not escape duty. Every day I wonder if it has been worth it.”

“Of course it has,” you reassured him, your words thick with emotion from all of it. “There is no one in the Realm that denies the strength you have given your house these last ten years and with dear Aemond as your hand I fear there is nothing that you could not accomplish during your reign. But I— I have missed you too. Daily and nightly. I never could have loved my husband, not when I never completely stopped loving you.”

His face crumples and his lip juts out. “You love me?” he asks, like he needed to hear you say it a thousand times.

“I love you,” you tell him, like you could say these words to him a thousand times. “I have loved you since I was a girl and you were a boy. I fear that I will love you until I have no more air to breathe.”

His hand reaches out and cups your cheek. Suddenly you are a girl again, desperately devoted to her prince who she would never be able to call hers. “I love you,” he repeats the words and there is no room for doubting him. You had known he loved you all your life. “When I am ash and another ascends the throne I will still love you. It is all I have known.”

“Aegon,” you breathe out his name and it is desperate and imploring, not too different than the times in your youth spent in the dragonpit or amongst the skies where you both had hoped those times to never end.

You cannot say another word when his head tilts down and his lips capture yours in a languid kiss. Your hands move to his shoulders, then go to cup his cheek. The kiss is different than the ones you had known these past years from your late husband; This one is slow, passionate, steeping in meaning that words could not possibly convey. I love you does not touch it. I need you, I desire you, I have always wanted you, you are the only one I have thought of, might have said it better, but none go as so close to his lips on yours.

You are the first to part from his embrace as you breathe heavily. The weight of his forehead against yours has never felt so right as anything before. “I want to marry you,” he whispers and it is not the first time he has said these words but it is the first time it does not sound like a foolish dream to console a young boy. It was a fact. King Aegon, second of his name, would marry his dearest lady.

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reblogs and comments are always appreciated! <3

[queerqueenlynn]

Summary: You've had a rough day all you want is you boyfriend, the king of the underworld, to take care of you

Hades!Bucky x reader

Warnings: Not really dark, just a lot of fluff, also some swearing

Note: Hey this is my first time posting on Tumblr I love smut but I figured I’d start out with some fluff

Your POV

It had been a long day, a really long shitty day. All you wanted was your boyfriend to hold you and tell you how much he loves you. But you knew that wouldn’t happen. You were in love with the Devil quite literally.

When you first met you didn’t know who he was and you fell fast and hard. So hard that when he told you that he was the god of death you couldn’t care less. In fact it intrigued you, the god of the underworld loved you? You? You didn’t see what was so special about you but your going with it. You know at some point he’ll come to his senses and leave you but until that day came you were going to enjoy it. The problem is that he came on his own schedule, he came and went as he pleased and you didn’t object. You were just happy he was with you. He had told you all you had to do was say his name and he would be there in a heartbeat no matter what. But you’ve never used it. You figured that if you did you would come off as clingy and a nuisance and he would leave you. So when you had these days you never called. You just dealt with it on your own and didn’t let him see this side of you.

You sighed to yourself and resolved to spending the night alone crying. You stripped down and stepped into the scalding hot shower and you let the tears fall. You couldn’t stop the sobs that racked your body even after the water was off. All you could do was cry. Your vision was blurry as you slipped on a button up that he had left here last time he visited. You slipped into bed and huddled into a ball, letting yourself be surrounded by his scent which just made you cry more. Oh how you wished it was his warmth instead of blankets wrapped around you. After what felt like an eternity of crying (3hrs) you finally gave in. If he left you then at least you got him to hold you one more time. “Jamie” you croaked.

Buckys POV

He was in my office sipping on whiskey when he heard her.

“Jamie” she sounded so pathetic. She never called for him ever. Even though he knew she wanted to she never did. Bucky knew this was bad. Ever since he laid eyes on her he’s always been listening for her voice. Sometimes he can only hear her if he focus, like when she hums to herself while baking. But other times she’s all he can hear. Like when she’s blasting music in the car and singing at the top of her lungs or talking to her insufferable boss. Bucky immediately teleport straight to her place. He knew something was off when her place was dark and cold. No matter what she always had the light on and had candles burning, her place was always warm and inviting. He quickly made his way to her bedroom and that’s when he saw her. She was huddle up in bed sniffling, cocooned in blankets. He could see by the way her shoulders were shaking that she was crying.

“Baby” She perked up at the sound of his voice but when they made eye contact she broke down crying.

“What happened lovey” He quickly sat on the bed and crawled towards her. He may be the king of the under world but for her, he’d crawl to the ends of the earth.

“I’m sorry” She hiccuped, and his heart shattered. He quickly scooped her up into his arms and laid against the bed frame.

“What do you have to be sorry for sweet girl”

She hiccuped some more before trying to say, “I’m so-sorry for call-calling you. I-I just had a bad day and-“ She sobbed into his shirt.

“Don’t ever apologize for calling me.”

“I-I know but-“ she attempted to say before Bucky shushed her.

“How about I draw you a bath and you can tell me all about what’s got my sweet girl so upset and who I need to kill.” He said kissing her head as she drifted off on his chest.

“Okay, but just five minutes.”

Once her breathing evened out he said, “Baby girl, if only you knew. Anything you want is yours.” He said, already forming a plan to ask her to become his queen.

So sorry to all those who read that before it was complete, I didn’t realize I accidentally posted it before it was completed. So here’s the finished version. Let me know if you want a part two!

[littlemissaddict]

Can I request an Eddie x Chrissy long fic where it’s their daughter’s first day of kindergarten and Eddie wakes her up to get ready and while they’re in the living room, Chrissy comes in with their baby son and she gushes over how cute their daughter looks and gets a picture of her and hugs her goodbye and Eddie takes his daughter to school and helps her find her classroom and put her things away and gives her a hug and kiss on the cheek and tells her to have a great first day and that he love her and he will be back to pick her up?

Hi lovely, I'm sorry this took so long to write but I hope you like it.

The alarm had gone off about ten minutes ago but the pair of them were reluctant to leave the warm confines of their bed. Or that’s the lie they clung to when in reality getting out of bed meant they were one step closer to waving their daughter off to her first day of kindergarten. They should be happy because she was growing up beautifully with her mothers temperament but her fathers passion; her fathers wild curls but her mothers shining blue eyes but really they felt they were losing their baby and it hurt in ways that they could not explain to those without kids themselves.

“We really should get up, don’t want her late on her first day” Chrissy sighed, a sigh matched by Eddie as he nodded although neither of them made any move to get out of bed.

It seemed that they would have no choice in the matter as the baby monitor on the bedside kicked to life as the crackling sound of crying echoed through it, “Well duty calls” Chrissy chuckled, finally sitting up and pushing herself out of bed knowing that the crying was either because their baby boy was hungry or he needed changing. A mixture of both seemed more likely. “Looks like you’re on school duty this morning” she spoke, longing clear in her voice as she wished to be the one to wake their little girl and get her ready for such a special day.

“I can always see to the little man,” Eddie replied, finally forcing himself out of bed and stretching in a way that she could see all the muscles in his arms and torso, from all the long days working in the town's only garage, pulling taunt. He had definitely built more muscle since high school but he was still the tall lanky boy she fell in love with.

“Kinda hard when I’m the one with the milk” she laughed, reaching over to jab her fingers into his side as his laughter joined her as he flinched away from her touch.

“Hey now, you know I’m ticklish” he playfully chided, narrowing his eyes at her momentarily before dropping the facade. “I am serious though, I could change him while you get her ready and then you could feed him while I’m on the school run” he offered but Chrissy shook her head with a small smile.

“He won’t wait that long, he’s as impatient as his father” she teased, “I appreciate the offer though” she added before heading off to the baby’s room, already feeling guilty for leaving him crying for so long.

Her earlier assumption of him needing feeding and changing had been correct and she opted to change him first as she didn’t want to leave him in what must be an uncomfortable nappy for any longer than she had to. The changing of the diaper was relatively easy as he wasn’t much of a wriggler, compared to his sister at that age and he happily laid babbling unintelligible baby talk up at her as she cleaned him and applied a fresh diaper. Feeding him also wasn’t a problem as he latched on easily, suckling happily as he got his fill as she relaxed into the rocking chair in the corner of his room.

Her peace didn’t last for long as crying sounded from down the hall and as much as she wanted to go and investigate, she didn’t want to disturb the feeding baby in her arms. Her worries were soon answered when the nursery door opened and in walked a forlorn Eddie with a pout on his lips, followed by her equally upset little girl. “What’s wrong princess?” Chrissy asked, wanting to scoop her up into her arms and soothe her just like when she was a baby.

“Daddy can’t do my hair, he hurts too much” she sniffled, holding the hairbrush out to her.

“Oh sweetie, do you want me to do it for you?” Chrissy asked, getting a nod from the small girl. “Eddie, do you mind winding him for me?” she asked, gently detaching the baby from her boob earning her a couple of dissatisfied whimpers from him which soon quietened when Eddie took a hold of him.

“Come on then baby” she encouraged, covering herself back up and leading her back into her own room where the hair products were that made it easier to tame her hair. She chatted away happily once Chrissy started doing her hair, asking questions about the school and what she would do today, never once flinching or crying while she worked. One day she would have to teach Eddie how to do her hair properly, although it was one of her favourite things to do but just in case something happened and she was unable to do it he would have to know, well either that or he would probably call Nancy for help. The thought made her chuckle as she finished twisting the hair tie into place.

“There, all finished” she smiled as her baby spun around and wrapped her tiny arms around her in thanks, “now it’s almost time for you to go so how about we go find Daddy and let him get dressed” She asked and the small girl nodded excitedly. Chrissy hoped she kept her enthusiasm for school throughout the years and didn’t follow in her fathers footsteps, even if he was doing well for himself now.

Half an hour later Eddie was being urged out the door by a rather excitable four year old. “Calm down princess we’ll get there” he laughed as Chrissy scooped the excitable girl up into a hug, gushing about how adorable she looked, how grown up she looked stood there with her almost too large backpack on her back and a water bottle in her hand. A comment that she appreciated as she was at the age where she didn’t like being called a baby or little any more, ‘I’m a big girl now’ was always the protest that left her lips as she crossed her arms and glared at whoever had dared to suggest she was anything but.

Grabbing his keys from the counter, his little girl perked up at the noise as she managed to wriggle free from her mother’s grasp and run towards the front door where Eddie was now waiting for her. Then she darted out the door towards the car as soon as it opened with a big enough gap for her to squeeze through.

“Where’s my baby gone?” Chrissy pouted, a little sad that she didn’t get a proper goodbye before she was out the door raring to go.

“She’s growing up now honey, it’s something we’re going to have to learn to live with” Eddie replied, a gnawing feeling in his gut that one day she wasn’t going to need him anymore as Chrissy nodded in agreement, although the pout was still present on her lips. “And I’ll see both you and the little man after work, okay?” he smiled leaning forward to kiss her lips softly in the briefest of kisses as he was being called away by the impatient voice of his daughter.

“I love you” Chrissy added before he left getting an ‘I love you’ in reply before the door was closed, leaving her alone with the baby.

Eddie didn’t want to leave Chrissy alone but he had to work and he also had a school drop to do beforehand. Heading down the path to the car, a minivan of all things, honestly if you’d have told him ten years ago he would trade in his old banger of a van for a minivan he’s have laughed in your face but as soon as he found out he was going to be a dad it was the first thing he did, knowing that his old van was nowhere near safe to be driving a baby around in. Plus it wasn’t all bad, there was still enough space in it to fit all of the band's equipment for the shows they still played at the hideout, even if it was now just a hobby for them all rather than a possible career path.

When he reached the car he had to stop himself from laughing at the adorable angry face he was receiving for moving too slow, “I’m sorry princess” he apologised, unlocking the car and opening the door for her to climb into her car seat. After double checking she was fastened in correctly, he jogged around the car to the driver’s side, quickly getting in and starting the car.

“Daddy” came her small voice from the back, Eddie hummed in acknowledgement, momentarily meeting her eyes in the rearview mirror before focusing back on the road. He was half expecting to either be told off for how slow he’d been this morning or to be asked another question of what she was going to do today. He was partially right, although the question tugged at his heart as for the first time she sounded a little scared to be starting school. “Do you think I’m going to make some friends today?”

Did he think she was going to make friends? He sure hoped she would, given that kids that age didn’t really care about all the grown up stuff of who their parents were or how rich they were. He only worried that when the other kids' parents found out she was a Munson that they did try to keep them away from her. “Of course you will princess” he plastered on a smile because what else could he say, “and besides you won’t be going all alone because Tessie is starting today as well” he added, which perked the young girl up. Tessie being what she called Steve’s eldest daughter Tessa, the pair of them having grown up together and were practically inseparable.

“Yay” she cheered, just as Eddie pulled into the parking lot of the school.

“Well princess, we’re here, you ready” he asked and she nodded, her excitement back and she was already trying to unbuckle her seatbelt the moment he pulled to a stop. “Okay, okay we’re going” he chuckled at her excitement, climbing out of the car and running around to open the door for her before she tried, and failed because of the child lock, herself.

Once she was free of the car he half expected her to go running as she had earlier but instead she waited for him to lock the car and took his hand as she always did when they were in a busy street or they were near cars.

The walk through the parking lot was short but eventful for her and Eddie watched her as she looked around with wide eyes taking in all the new sounds and sights that came with school children. “You ready princess?” he asks as they come to a stop at the kindergarten door. He thought that she may get upset once she realised that he was going to leave her but thankfully she didn’t, she was more than happy to run and play with the other children once they’d done the handover with her teacher.

Heading back to the car, Eddie didn’t quite feel the loss that he’d thought he’d feel. Instead he’s filled with hope and pride as he watches his little girl grow, knowing that he’ll always be there to cheer her on no matter what, the way any parent should.

[pbandjesse]

I wish I could say that today was excellent and I felt really good but honestly after last night I just felt exhausted all day and kind of emotionally worn out. And it wasn't a bad day but man was last night terrible.

The last thing that I wrote last night was that Brandon was there and that he had brought wedding videos. And that I was hoping that they would be really good. And objectively they're filmed beautifully. I only watched 2 minutes but I could tell that they were made very nicely. But I hate how I looked in it. Like viscerally I was shocked how horrible I thought I looked and I felt sick watching it. I felt embarrassed and disgusting and ashamed that anybody looked at me. I haven't felt that bad about myself in a very long time. And I could tell how much James was liking watching the trailer for the video. But I could not watch the rest of it. I tried to laugh it off but inside like if only my spirit broke I was so upset. I tried not to let it bother me but I felt horrible.

We laid in bed and I just could not stop thinking about it. I felt like I had had a lot of hard feelings about the wedding and the engagement and everything and I've dealt with a lot of that and I've worked hard to be okay with everything because the wedding itself was beautiful. And worked out well enough. But now I feel like all of my good feelings towards it were a lie. I felt like I had this idea in my head of what I looked like and how I experienced the day and seeing these two minutes just took all of those feelings and I just fell apart.

By midnight James was asleep and I was sitting in the bathroom just sobbing. Just absolutely heaving sobs. So devastated and like I said I felt embarrassed that anybody has looked at me. I didn't feel beautiful I felt like monster.

Actually I calm down and I texted Jess just cuz I had to tell someone. I tried to wake James up but they were very much out. And then I cried a little bit more and then around 1:00 James woke up enough to turn the light off and I was just laying there crying and they didn't notice and that just put me at hysterics and I pushed them really hard and they immediately sat up and were like what's wrong??? And then I cried even harder and I was hysterical trying to explain what was upsetting me and it was terrible. I cried for like an hour, I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was choking. It was horrible and I was so tired and it was after 2:00 a.m. and I had to wake up in the morning and it's just was terrible but eventually I calmed down enough to fall asleep.

I slept an extra hour because while I should be here at Camp by 8:00 I really don't need to be ready to go and tell him like 9:30 so it was okay even if it wasn't ideal. I gave James a hug before they left and I slept that extra hour. And when I woke up for real my eyes were very swollen and my body was just so tired. I didn't feel as horrible thinking about the video anymore. But if I thought about it for a few seconds I would start to tear up again and I just felt so bad about myself.

I got to camp at 9:00 and everything set up and went for a little walk just to try to get some of my sad feelings out. And throughout the day I would feel a little better. I'm still not interested in watching that video again because it just hurt too bad even if James says that my strong feelings aren't the truth. Like they loved watching the trailer and were visibly and energy-wise so clearly happy and I just felt stupid because I made something that they were clearly happy about into a bad thing. And I was trying to let it go. But it feels very hard.

Thankfully both of my morning groups work great and really helps distract me for how upset I was. My first group was top bar and they were really sweet and did a good job on their art. And then I had the new round of YLP counselors and they seem like a really solid group and are very nice. And they did a good job too. And while they were there and Ray told me that he's going to try to go into tattooing and he wanted some tips on shading and learning how light direction works so I gave him some charcoal and some instructions on how to make gradient boxes to practice. And I just tried not to think about how people look at me and my body or anything like that because every time I do I just feel horrible. And that's really hard on something I've been working to not think about. Like I've been trying to be positive and feel good about myself and I just felt like everything was cut right from beneath me. My self-esteem is kind of destroyed right now.

CJ would come right before lunch and be sad outside and I told her a little bit about what happened and she kept saying that I was beautiful in my wedding day and that while she understands my feelings they're not true and maybe the rest of the video would be okay. And I really hope that's true but emotionally I don't know when I'm going to be able to sit down and watch it because those two minutes were so incredibly jarring and upsetting to me. And I'm glad that I had my friend there but I did cry a bit and I can compartmentalize a lot of it but I also feel stupid for feeling this strongly and making it basically my entire day's thoughts. I don't want that to be the focus but man, was it.

The afternoon was fine but I was a little exhausted. After CJ and me talked for a while she went to go get some kids that were doing awards. And CJ, Katerina, and two kids doing tipis would spend the next half hour sorting string for me while I laid in the hammock and watched a video and tried to just be quiet for a bit.

And then my afternoon group was really nice. I had day camp and stockade and the stockade boys did casting and the day campers did the rock paintings and everyone seemed to really enjoy it and it was a really good time. Nothing super exciting happened We were having a lot of fun casting and I really enjoyed talking to the boys and lots of laughs were had and I did not burn myself which is always a plus. And I talked to Jorge about how me and James are thinking about having a kid and buying a house. And they were like that's wild and I said yeah it's so adult. And I just tried to be positive.

I did forget briefly that I was going to have horse girls, well horse campers ( there are four boys this week which is wild to me! ), And so I had one more break until they would come. And they were fine. I told Krissy about my upset feelings and she immediate was like no you are beautiful I don't know what you're talking about stupid stupid stupid. And at least that made me laugh and it made me feel a little bit better.

The worst camper struggled to clean up but they seem to enjoy project. And we found a butterfly that had just come out of its chrysalism was still all wet. And it's one wing wasn't unfurling properly so we found a safe place to put the baby butterfly and then I just kept knitting and trying to be positive.

After they left I had one of the beverage boys up here getting string and eventually I got him to go. I had gotten a little upset when all of a sudden a bunch of people from the field came up and didn't even ask me and just started taking string off the shelf and I was like nope absolutely not get out of here. And I probably could have been nicer but I also thought they were horse girls that were just not cleaning up and instead starting a new project that was all confused. But it's fine though forgive me in the future. I just wish the people would ask me before they start taking stuff. Especially because you were just cleaning it today and somehow it already got messed up so now I'm hiding cleaned bags in my clothing box. I just wanted to stay nice for a little bit longer.

Once the campers were gone I locked the doors and I clean myself up a little bit with cold washcloth and I got changed and it made me feel a lot better, more human. And then I walked down to the dining hall to see if I could help set anything up.

I told Charlotte about the wedding video and how upset it made me and she was like I'm sure in the rest of it there are parts that you'll like and I'm like okay I hope so. And then I told Celia and she said that she bets if she watched it as soon as I come up on the screen she would have been like nope you're beautiful and shut that shit down. Wish made me laugh and she also told me that she liked that I was wearing my hair in a ponytail and she thought that it looked cute. I think she was trying to be extra nice to me because I was upset and hurting still.

And honestly I think some of my heart is just tied to disappointment. Like a lot of it's tied to me being self-conscious and feeling like all the angles that this video was shot in were unflattering for me. And that again, only Jess really knows my angles well. But also it's kind of tied up and being disappointed that it's just another thing around the wedding that wasn't exactly what I wanted. While it's beautiful it's not the style I had imagined and I just feel kind of sad. I'm hoping this weekend that I can sit down and watch the rest of it and be in a place emotionally where I'm not going to just pick out every single one of my flaws and I can see it what it is and not have an absolute emotional breakdown but I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that. We'll see I guess.

After I helped count cups I made a salad. The salad bar was absolutely stocked tonight and that was awesome. There was even hard boiled eggs and croutons. I was thrilled. And then I would get mac and cheese which was only weird because they used ziti but they're still pretty good. And I had a nice conversation with Celia and we also talked about the end of the day snack issue with day camp coming to specialty with food with Annabelle and Cody. They all agree that it is not a good situation. But hopefully when the Gator gets fixed they'll be able to deliver snacks at a tents and not early. Because that was not fun today dealing with gogurts and Starbursts all over my building. Apparently the kids were told to not eat them until when they got back to their tent but they were already eating it when they got to the building so it's kind of hard to be like put that over the way that is half open. So it's fine but hopefully tomorrow I won't have to deal with that.

After dinner I walked to the office to steal their air conditioning. I said hello to Chris and lamented with him that there were no more mushrooms today. And we talked about how it was supposed to rain but it missed us and how it might rain again this weekend. And then I talked to Alexi for a minute before she headed home. And then I chilled inside.

I went up to the attic to see if there was any yarn but no luck. I did find nature and arts and crafts badges and I've decided that since me and Celia are working in those departments we can get badges even though we didn't do the coup. Celia did come over and I scare her real bad by accident cuz she didn't know I was coming down the stairs and then I would chill in the office and read my book until we got to the part where you realize that the Titanic was sinking. That's when I decided I was done with the AC and I would go back to arts and crafts.

On my walkover I got stopped twice where people gave me hugs. Which was very nice. I love getting hugs. I feel like the kids are not as huggy this year! It's fine I understand but usually kids are hugging me all the time. And then after chatting with Chloe for a little while about how I hit myself in the wrist with a book and fixed it. She thought that was very funny.

Then I just spent some time laying in my outside hammock reading and finishing my book. PJ came over to sit for a while cuz he just needed somewhere to be quiet. Apparently he's had quite a week with his campers. And after he left I finished my book which left me crying of course. Always does. And then I was just really ready to get into my painting.

I have not really worked on my summer painting much in the last few weeks. Just haven't been enjoying the paint that we have and I just have a lot of issues with perspective and sizing in what I already laid down so I really thought that tonight would be a good place for me to really layer a bunch of color in so then I can go back in with a markers and fill in more space.

I would spend about an hour working on my painting and it's definitely better than it was but it's got a lot of problems. Especially the wood that's in the front of the building is all wrong. The scale is all off there but I think it'll be fine in the end. I have a couple more weeks to work on it. I think tomorrow I'll probably go back in with more markers and see about that but I still have some places I want to layer more of color like with the red and the dirt areas out front of the building because it's like gravel and gravel is really hard to get the color right so I'm kind of just making it up as I go. I also have like no white paint left so that is an issue and that I'm going to have to try to resolve. At least I had a good time.

Now I am laying in bed, my hammock that is. My stomach hurts really bad and I'm very sleepy. I don't feel as emotionally fragile right now. I am emotionally tired. Me and James are talking about the video right now and James doesn't think that the larger one will upset me as much when we sit down and watch it and they kind of scrolled through it and they think that there are a lot of places where we can get screenshots to do prints when we do our wedding book. Wish I'm hoping to do soon. I just want to have good memories around it and not have this just taint and pull apart all of my positive feelings.

I hope tomorrow is easier. I hope it feels lighter and kinder and softer. I hope my stomach doesn't hurt and I hope that it's a beautiful day. It's supposed to be very hot the next couple days so fingers crossed that it stays fairly cool up here as it has been. I hope you guys sleep well tonight. I love you all. Be kind to yourself, kinder than I am to myself.

[the-good-projxct]

Feb 26th, 2024

10:59 pm listening to Love TKO by Teddy Pendergast, sitting up in bed in Karen. 

Yo, Chanel will never live down the day I was talking about Teddy Pendergast and they thought I was talking about Teddy from Atlanta. LMAO, I could not function. It was also so funny how I caught which Teddy they thought it was without them saying too much. Yo, I was cackling. I miss my friends. I wish I could have taken the gang with me but reality is, I cannot. We all have our journeys. I moved so much in my life that I know the drill. That in like 6 months, I will have friends here and I will still be friends with my pals in PEI but our lives will be so different that the missing won’t feel as intense. Or maybe I just got used to it. Maybe that’s all it is. We get used to living with certain feelings. Honestly, I hope I always miss gang and I just get used to it. I never want to not miss them. I am a bit moody today. Like I wanna cry. Remember when I said I needed a big cry. It hasn’t happened yet. I had little cries. But I need a proper cry. Anyway, today Aunty Judy called so we could chat about my birth certificate. The convo wasn’t very clear on my needs and wants at first. I could tell she was sensing my frustration even though I was tryna be polite and mask it. Anyway, at the end of the call I cried a little bit. I don’t think it was worth crying over, but like I said, I am in my feelings. 10 minutes later she called and they had a solution and path forward. But those 10 minutes, I felt a melt down coming on.  So yeah, I got my birth certificate. Now I can work on getting my ID, then MPESA and eventually a passport. I will be a brand new nigga. Anyway, back to my feelings. So Munene is not in Nairobi and it is starting to BUG me. I never realized how much time I spend with him when I am here and his absence is loud and it is frustrating me. Not for any reason other than I don’t have anyone to do mundane hang outs with. Like just do Nairobi life together. And because he isn’t clear on when he is coming, I am getting frustrated at that but it's coming off as frustration with him. I am not upset with him, I am upset at his absence. But also, he is living his life, doing his things as he should. If he came to PEI and I had plans in the Siggz, I would do my plans then come see him. Like, I am the one who is moving back home, he has been home all along. His life looks a certain way which includes him not being in Nairobi as much and that is the reality check I wasn’t ready for but I must accept. Everyone left Nairobi and that is cheesing me too. Shaka is in Coast,  Papa is in Kitale and Munene is in Tanzania. I am just a solo baby girl in this Nairobi. Wahalahi, I did not bank on this.  Anyway, today I got up, ate porridge, bread with blueband and tea. I went to the mall and picked up some cute fits. I redid my closet with 100$. Lots of Kitenge print stuff. I am glad I did, I need to go back tomorrow to pick up the jumpsuit and pants because the ladies selling them sent them to  have them tailored since they were too long. I came home and chilled, it rained, I laid in bed and listened to the rain. Then I kept reading in the upper country, I am almost done reading it. Had supper then chilled with SweSwe for a bit. My skin is glowing. I have been on top of skincare especially sunscreen sooo bloop. I know I am a bit moody right now, with lots of changes. I need to Trust the Universe and not lash out at people for living their lives/circumstances. Life is Gøod. I am Gøod. Ase. Ase.

[lostdreamr-blog1]

I'm Proud of You, Darlin

A/N: I have a huge nursing exam tomorrow morning and the anxiety is getting to me…Passing means I graduate and failing is not an option. So, of course I took to writing. Hopefully this will help you some if you ever need it!! My inbox is always open for you all!

Word Count: 1.4k

Pairings: Jake Seresin x Reader

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, lots and lots of fluff

To say today was a big day was an understatement. You had your state board exam in less than three hours and passing that meant you could finally put all things school behind you. The countless hours you spent studying would pay off and this anxiety that has been nearly crippling these last few weeks would disappear. You would be a fully functioning adult with your big girl job, and nothing could bring you down.

You just had to pass first.

Jake had been the absolute best when it came to calming you down and helping you get through this. There would be days where he would come home, tired as he could be, and still made sure you were okay. Some days you had everything figured out and your positive attitude would shine through you.

But there was days Jake found you crying in the bathroom, drowning your worries in a bottle of liquor, and he knew you needed extra attention. If he was off the next day, it would be easy to talk him into joining you in your drinking pity party. Drunk Jake was a fun Jake. But most days he would pick you up off the floor, get you into bed, and stay with you until he had to leave for work the next morning.

He was your rock and there was zero way you would have made it to this point without him. You heard the jabs and jokes that went around about how your boyfriend wasn’t the best wingman. Or the ever so lovely nickname “Bagman” that seemed to follow him from his time at Top Gun.

But with you he was different. How many guys would push their body to the limit training, putting in 12 plus hour days, and then come home to take care of girlfriend? He could have easily said he was tired and head to bed, leaving you to deal with the anxiety that was tearing you apart. But he didn’t and you wish others could see that.

You had to leave in an hour, but the second you walked out that door, you knew you would be a mess. While Jake had been here every step of the way, he had to leave early this morning for training, and it left you alone with your thoughts. In no way could you be upset with him, you just wished he was here to calm you down one last time.

Hell, if you could take him into the test with you, you would be golden. Another irrational thought to add to the bank.

As you got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make some coffee, a note on the fridge caught your eye.

You are going to kill this test, Darlin. I have all the faith in the world you will pass no problem. Take a deep breath and believe in yourself as much as I do.

-J

The note made you feel a little lighter as you continued to get ready. You had laid out your lucky sweatshirt, with “Hangman” written on the back. You stole it from your blonde -haired boyfriend a year ago and told him he would never get it back. The simple response of “it looks better on you anyway” sealed the deal. You’ve worn for luck ever since.

When you put it on, you stopped and smiled. The man had managed to provide you comfort again and sprayed his cologne on it. You pulled it up to your nose and took in a deep breath. It was the safety blanket you needed to be able to walk out the door in one put together piece.

After you finished getting ready, you tried to call Jake on the way out. While you were proud of yourself for making it to the car, backing out of the driveway had the anxiety hitting you with full force. Hearing his voice was the one thing you needed right now to calm down before you reached a panic level. You were met with voicemail and tossed your phone to the passenger seat, not wanting to leave a message.

He was busy doing what he does best, and you had to respect that. Just because you couldn’t keep it together for more than five minutes doesn’t mean he needs to be by the phone every second in case you called. You had to pull it together.

Jake had one time told you when he got nervous or worried, he thought about you. He thought about how you turned him down that one night at the Hard Deck in front of all his fellow pilots, embarrassing the hell out of him. And how he proceeded to show you he was different than the rest of the guys in the military. While it took a few months, he eventually won you over.

He thought about the way your hand fits perfectly in his, almost like the two of you were made for each other. The way you laughed at all his jokes, even the cringy ones. Just to make him feel better.

He thought about how lucky he was to have you and love you every day for the rest of his life. It was those things that would calm him down, and you decided to take a page from his book.

On the drive there you thought back to the first night you two went on a date. You had told him you didn’t like things that drew attention to you. That you didn’t need a grand gesture for you to fall for him. Which led to a night in at his apartment, with homemade food that was to die for, and the first time you were able to see the real him.

He put up a front with his friends, making it seem like nothing could touch him. But behind closed doors, you saw how compassionate and caring this man could be. He was as selfless as they come, and you thanked the heavens every day for leading you to him.

You pulled up to the testing site and nearly ran out of your car when you saw Jake standing by the door. He was in his flight suit, clearly coming straight from base. When he saw you walking towards him, a genuine smile reserved only for you graced his face.

It didn’t take long for you to melt in his arms, taking in as much of him as you could. “What are you doing here? I thought you had training today?” With your head on his chest, you looked up at him for an answer.

“I couldn’t let my girl take this test without me being there. I went in early so I could get some time off this morning to see you in. I knew this would be a hard day for you.”

You closed your eyes and squeezed him some. “Thank you.” He squeezed back and kissed the top of your head. The two of you stood like that for another minute, before you stepped back. It was getting close to the time you had to be in there and you knew you couldn’t stay out here with him forever. No matter how bad you wanted to.

He placed a hand on your cheek and said, “You are going to pass this no problem. You are by far the smartest person I know and the only one standing in your way is you. I saw the work you put into this, and I promise you it will all pay off. Go in there and show this test how much of a badass you are.”

You took a few deep breaths and nodded your head. “I’ll call you when I’m done. Thank you for being here. You don’t realize how much this really helped.” He gave you one last smile and a quick kiss.

You went to walk away when his voice stopped you. “I’m proud of you, darlin.” And those were the words you would think back to anytime you get anxious.