#so I have to live at home and commute to class at 7:30 in the morning

[deviousdayz]

Me when the past parental neglect is actually catching up to me in my adulthood and causing me real life problems

Anyways stop punishing teenagers and kids by refusing to take care of their basic needs🙏🏾 that is not discipline it’s just abuse

[ninja-muse]

March also felt like it took forever, which I think is due to spring break taking up half the month and work being therefore slow. And yet it feels like a good month, all the same. I got a good ways further with the novel I’m working on, at least for me, put my Easter tree up last weekend, and had a few productive Leaving The House adventures. And one that, while productive, was just kind of a crappy day, but that’s how these things go, I guess. The art show mostly made up for the rest of it. Also, there is now sunshine, some days! And the trees are blooming!

I also read a lot, as always, including one great book and a handful of pleasant surprises, and I managed to get rid of seven reading copies, which feels unusually high. Had a handful of duds too though, including three books that I was really, really hoping would be better, even if I mostly finished them. The dithering I predicted last month didn’t materialize, thank goodness, or at least it limited itself to hour-long bouts after I’d finished something.

About halfway through the month, I realized I’d only read female authors and I decided that hey, it’s Women’s History Month, why not see if I can get through the whole month with only female authors?! This did not happen, but only by accident. One of the books I picked up was actually by a Two-Spirit person, but I’m still counting the challenge completed because really, the goal was not to read men. It wasn’t a hard challenge for me, and might actually have made picking books a little easier, but it’s not something I want to do all that regularly. Maybe next March?

Of course, I’m cheating a little on the challenge because I’m, like, 12 pages into Episode Thirteen because I had to read something on my commute tonight and I didn’t want to wait any longer. I’ve had the book out from the library for a week and a half and it’s going to be due back in the same length of time. My system doesn’t issue fines for late books anymore, but I still like to return books when I’m supposed to.

Also on my TBR for this month: Amina Al-Sirafi, coming from the library on Tuesday, the company ARC for Tasting History by Max Miller, and We Don’t Lose Our Class Goldfish by Ryan Higgins because I was so good about Not Men that I didn’t even read picture books. Don’t have any other plans, but hopefully some of the books “in process” at the library actually go into the system. I’m first in line for most of them.

And now without further ado, in order of enjoyment…

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Shortly after Casey comes out to her family, she learns that her grandma grew up friends with a trans man. Her need to learn more about him brings her to a reckoning with her own family and childhood.

8.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 subject (trans man), 🏳️‍🌈 author

warning: homophobia, misgendering, rape, drug abuse, child abuse

The Magician’s Daughter - H.G. Parry

Biddy’s magical guardian is in trouble and she must leave her island home to protect him (and magic, generally).

7/10

warning: incarceration, mentions of torture

The Librarian of Burned Books - Brianna Labuskes

Three women in the ‘30s and ‘40s find their lives altered by censorship and war.

7/10

Jewish MC, 🏳️‍🌈 MCs (lesbian), Jewish secondary characters, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (gay)

warning: Nazis

Lent - Jo Walton

Brother Girolamo wants only to bring Florence closer to God, but he’s hampered by something greater than any sin.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 secondary character, 🇨🇦

League of Dragons - Naomi Novik

Napoleon is retreating across Russia but Laurence and Temeraire learn he has greater plans than a mere next stand.

7/10

British-Asian secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character, disabled secondary character

Island Time - Georgia Clark

The laid-back Kellys and the on-the-go Lees are spending a weekend on a remote Australian island. Then a volcano erupts and they’re forced to confront themselves. Dramedy.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 main characters (lesbian, bi, gender-questioning), fat main character, Chinese-American secondary characters, Indigenous Australian secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices

Backpacking Through Bedlam - Seanan McGuire

Alice and Thomas have reunited but they’ve got a few more adventures to get through before their happy ending.

6/10

🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (lesbian, sapphic), Korean-American secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 author

A House With Good Bones - T. Kingfisher

Sam’s back home for a bit and Something Is Up with her mom. The surprise racist painting is just the beginning….

6.5/10

fat protagonist

warning: racism, some fat-shaming by bad people, bugs

A Man and His Cat, Vol. 2 - Umi Sakurai

The further adorable adventures of Kanda and Fukumaru.

6/10

Japanese cast, Japanese author, #ownvoices

The Keeper's Six - Kate Elliott

Esther’s son has been kidnapped. He’s also the local Keeper, important in the interdimensional network. Getting him back is going to be more complicated than expected.

7/10

Jewish main character, Jewish secondary characters, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (phallic, non-human genderfluidity), Japanese and other East Asian secondary characters

warning: discussion of slavery and the trafficking of people

Tauhou - Kōtuku Titihuia Nuttall

A genre-blending look at Indigenous female resilience across continents and time.

5/10

Maori and Coast Salish cast, 🏳️‍🌈 characters (sapphic), Maori-Coast Salish author, #ownvoices, 🏳️‍🌈 author

warning: residential schools, racist systems, internalised fatphobia

British Columbiana - Josie Teed

An awkward millennial gets a winter internship in a gold rush ghost town.

5/10

🇨🇦

warning: racists, gaslighting, social anxiety

Picture Books

Quackers - Liz Wong

Quackers lives by a pond and all his friends are ducks, so he must be a duck too. Meow?

DNF

Shanghai Immortal - A.Y. Chao

Work for the King of Hell? Check. Thwart a jewel heist? Check. Babysit a mortal? Check. Or … not, if Lady Jing’s impulsiveness gets in the way. Out in October.

Chinese cast, Chinese-Canadian author, #ownvoices, 🇨🇦

Currently reading

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen - KJ Charles

The day after Gareth ruins his chances with a charming stranger, he finds himself elevated to an estate in the country. Unfortunately (or not), there’s a very familiar smuggler in the area.

🏳️‍🌈 protagonists (phallic)

Episode Thirteen - Craig DiLouie

A ghost hunting show gets to be the first to investigate the most haunted house in America.

🇨🇦

Stats

Monthly total: 12+1 Yearly total: 37/140 Queer books: 4 Authors of colour: 2 Books by women: 11 Authors outside the binary: 1 Canadian authors: 2 Off the TBR shelves: 4 Books hauled: 1 ARCs acquired: 5 ARCs unhauled: 7 DNFs: 1

January February

[sl1tcl1t]

Life Update: Idk where else to write down my thoughts and experiences for almost the past year.

To get myself caught up with the last post I made from last year, it was my final year in HS and I never wanted to leave that rancid hél/hø\e so damn bad. I finally graduated and got into college. This freshman year is the absolute worst. On top of that, I couldn't get a dorm room, which is expected according to the hierarchy of classmen. But anyway, this year's schedule has been extraordinarily harmful to my physical and mentally. Since I don't have a dorm, I gotta commute to my classes every single day. In my case, I must drive all the way from the south to the city (1hr 30min on avg.) This is not a bad drive, unless u wanna beat the I-75/I-85 9 - 5 traffic. Which ALSO MEANS I gotta wake up at 4:00 am and leave the house by 5 if I want to arrive in time for my 8 and 10 am classes. Additionally, my last class during Mon,Weds, and Fri ends at 5pm. I don't get home till about 7. AND on top of all that, Tue and Thurs is when I work my part time shift. The latest my shift can end is at 7:30pm and it takes me at least 30 mins to get home. If I want to get the most sleep possible, I gotta be in bed by 9. My sleep schedule bc of this is incredibly fùçk3d up. Luckily, me and my friend made a little room for me to sleep in my car. Which is also another problem. Bc Im too damn sleep deprived, I oversleep multiple times and end up missing classes. Classes where I can't easily get a PowerPoint w/readily available info to write. I feel incredibly behind.

My mental and physical health has gotten progressively worse since I moved outta my mom's house. I really don't wanna get into grave detail abt my family, but TLDR; both parents are complexly problematic, but one's more flexible than the other. But, Jesus Christ Almighty, living with this man is insufferable. Nothing but complaining, guiltripping, nonchalant shaming, and being plain irritating. He brings a wave of negative energy anytime he enters a room. Granted, there are things that he complains about that are justified, but he's getting more and more senile everyday. So he just gets mad at anything now. It pisses me off but also makes me sad. Another thing is that work is overexerting my well-being whilst giving me such a low pay. For context, I work in a warehouse now. Lifting boxes every other day that are half the size of you will give you nausea. My feet have blisters and my hands are cramping. My calves burn, my entire arm is aching, and my head pounds harder than ever. My friend suggests that I might have burn out, and I believe it with every bone in my body. Working at a place that accepts newly hs grads, ofc there would be å$5h0lés my age and worse. The smell has gotten worse since I moved in w dad. He essentially lives in a white trash neighborhood, so the smell outside is horrendous. This smell has affected the inside of my house and now I reek. And the ppl at work love to remind me abt my smelly ass despite trying my hardest to mask it. I seriously cannot stand other day in there and hopefully I can get a new job this upcoming summer.

But apart from all this, the cherry on top of this shit show was today after work. I got off early and wanted to visit this little gravesite around in my area to take pics and upload on here. I chickened out. It's too damn dark for me to take any so I walked around, contemplating life per usual. I decided to go inside the convenience store. I asked if there were any sleeping pills/melatonin and the guy had asked a question that made my mind go blank,

"Are you homeless?"

Never in life would I hear those words issued to me, but if I'm gonna be completely honest, I live at my dad's house, not paying any bills or insurance (yet), I sleep in my car majority of the day, and I have the worst pay to labor ratio. So technically, Imma borderline broke ass freeloading bum. But anyway, I was even more in shock when he rang my items. I forgot my wallet in the car and told him I was going to run out n grab it, but he just gave me the bag with an empathetic, "it's okay". And now I feel like a piece of shit to completion. Bc in hindsight, Im not HOMELESS, but it damn sure feels like I am.

I can't believe Im turning into every person I've met in the workforce. Ppl who just live paycheck to paycheck and just let the days past by; not doing anything but working. I use to make fun of those ppl at my last job as a cashier while in HS, but seriously, I got the realest reality check of my life. I really cannot live a life like that for 30+ years if I can't figure something out by graduation. Else I'm better off with maggots in my eyes and my skin wilting in the ground.

I'm done ranting, I need some sleep.... GN and happy Halloween ✌🏽

[wiseoldowl72]

A Taste of Heaven (Prompt Fic)

Dean and Castiel Winchester own A Taste of Heaven Bakery and Coffee Shop. A look into their lives as spouses and business owners and how the business came to be.

~~~~~

Dean pushed Cas back into the shower wall caging his head between his forearms. His hands caught up in the dark, wet locks of his husband’s hair as they fought for domination in their kiss. Dean pressed his tongue deeply into Cas’ mouth, pressing his advantage as the hot water steamed up their shower. Water cascaded down Dean’s back as he pushed his chest into Cas’ and rutted against him.

Cas wiggled his hand between their bodies and caught both of their hard cocks in one of his large hands. With just a little bit of lube and their own precome to slick the way, he firmly stroked them to completion. All the while, they made out like teenagers. You would never know it was after three in the morning based on the intensity of the activity and sounds coming from the shower stall. 

“Don’t stop, sunshine, not quite yet,” Dean breathed into his spouse’s ear. “Want to feel you for just a minute more.” They continued to nose and nip at each other’s necks through the aftershocks of their orgasms and turned to let the water wash away the evidence of their morning tryst. 

Quickly but efficiently, the men washed each other’s bodies with sandalwood soap and shampooed their hair. Dean never passed up an opportunity to have Cas’ hands in his hair. A morning head massage was like a gift from the gods.

“Love, we’re probably running short on time,” Cas said as he grabbed a fluffy towel. 

While wiping off the mirror on their double vanity, Dean noticed the wall clock showing it was just past 3:30 am. It didn’t leave either of them much time to complete their morning routines, dress, make a first round of coffee, and grab breakfast before making the ten minute drive to the bakery and coffee shop they owned.

It was just before 4 am when Cas turned the lock and said to his husband, “I love you. I wanted to remind you before I get elbow deep in flour making the morning pastries.”

Dean kissed the crown of his raven-headed husband and murmured, “I love you too. I know you are grumpy before you drink several cups of coffee and at least two batches of goodies in the oven.”

~~~~~

A Taste of Heaven Bakery and Coffee Shop opened at 7 am to accommodate morning commuters. All those who didn’t have time or the inclination to make their coffee before leaving for work. It also helped that danishes, croissants, muffins, and quick breads filled up empty bellies that wouldn’t have time to eat until lunch.

Between the fast-paced business people they served, it was always a pleasure to see the regulars who always stopped in for their morning coffee and pastry while doing whatever they did on their computer devices as part of their morning routine.

The business name was a take on Dean’s affectionate nickname for his spouse. Castiel Novak, so named for the Angel of Thursday, was attending culinary school to be a pastry chef when he met Dean Winchester, attending classes to finish a business degree. While Cas had always wanted to own his own bakery, Dean had just chosen the practical route for his degree.

After several years of working middle management jobs, Dean was ready to chuck it all in and start his own business in the burgeoning small batch coffee roasting industry. Combining Cas’ desire to open a bakery rather than continue to work for someone else, Dean saw an opportunity to unite their two business interests. He knew they had to ensure everything was in place before they could leave their jobs to take that leap.

Dean was driving home from work one afternoon when he drove by a space that had been a bakery that had closed during the pandemic. As best he could tell through the windows, it already had all the equipment for a commercial kitchen. All the space needed was to create the business' coffee shop and roastery aspect.

When Dean approached the owners they loved the dual use idea for the unused space. They funded the new business, including buying and equipment needed and giving Dean a discount on the first year’s lease. Dean had not said anything to his boyfriend about pursuing their personal dreams while working with the landlords and getting the space ready.

On the night of their 6th dating anniversary, Dean gave his angel an envelope with the lease agreement for the new bakery and coffee shop, along with a silver engagement ring in the folds of the paperwork.

The memory of Cas’ reaction was seared into Dean’s memory. “My own bakery?” Cas had asked with his ocean blue eyes wide open, and his eyebrows lifted so high they seemed to disappear into his hairline. “How did you find a place already equipped for all my needs? Plus, this lease includes a coffee shop and roastery. Did you do all that? Just for us?” Cas whispered incredulously.

“For us,” Dean answered as he saw Cas’ eyes light up when he finally comprehended the ring contained in the lease papers.

“Yes, I want forever with you,” Cas replied with finality.

~~~~~

Five years later, the husbands ran a successful business that always drew grins from those new to the bakery and coffee shop and took in the several layers of meaning in the name. 

Not only were Cas’ confections and pastries “a taste of heaven,” but to anybody who drank the elixir of the “holy” bean, coffee was also affectionately known as “a taste of heaven.” It always took a few minutes, but once a new customer consumed their beverage and pastry, the shop staff always enjoyed seeing the connections of the multiple meanings of the business name sink in. 

Even though it had been years since they opened, all the shop staff always answered how the business got its name the same way when asked. Dean always said it was because he saw heaven in his husband’s blue eyes the first time he saw him. He knew the man was an angel at first sight and that anything he made would take like heaven. 

Whether it was a true story or not, neither of the men ever denied it. Instead, they would look wistfully at each other thankful that the universe had made them cross paths in the first place.

[transition-with-the-torah]

This is just some personal rambling inspired by ~unbidden-yidden’s post about the idea of a Shabbat retreat.

Actually, most of this can boil down to: I wish I had better public transit where I live.

An Amtrak post crossed my dash recently, and my state doesn’t have any stations that could facilitate commuter style trips. (If you want to go on a specific multi-state trip, you can pass through some stations, but you can’t just go from City A to City B within the state.)

I’m not aware of any places within my state having subway or tram style public transit, but there’s some bus routes in specific metro areas. They just all hit a suburb wall, and I would still need to at least drive to one of those places where you can park and catch a bus further into the metro area. (It’s not impossible, exactly, but I must admit that it’s still quite a distance to just get to the nearest park-and-wait sort of place for the synagogue I was looking at directions for.)

However, I’m really feeling that one public transit post wishing for night routes [for 2nd or 3rd shift]. There is the chance that I’m misreading the timetable pdf, but it looks like the line that runs to that park-and-wait station only runs Monday through Friday - twice in the morning [about 6:40 and 7:10] and twice in the early evening [starting at 4:20 or 5:10].

What if I want to go to Shacharit [starts at 7:30 am]? Well, I guess I could take this route during the work week, but I’d better walk the last mile or so from the bus stop to the synagogue in about 15 minutes.

What about the Kabbalat Shabbat service [starts at 6 pm on Friday]? Ah, no. There doesn’t seem to be another line that goes to that park-and-wait station, so I’d have to make a day of it just to get there in the morning and somehow get back to where I parked on my own.

What if I want to go to Shabbat service [9 am on Saturday]? If I use a different bus service that usually goes to the international airport, I could get into the city at least [around 8 am]. Depending on how long it takes to walk to the nearest bus stop [over a mile], I could possibly get on a bus around 8:30 and maybe get there around 9:15. (If I’m reading this map correctly, I’ll need to cross four lanes of traffic at an intersection and walk some more.)

I tried to look into this because those who take this particular synagogue’s Judaism 101 class [for conversion] have a few dates where you need to attend Shacharit, Kabbalat Shabbat, and Shabbat services. But, you know, this sounds like a lot. None of this actually takes into account how slow I walk at way too early in the morning or looks at changes to the hypothetical route for the ‘getting home’ portion, either. Quite frankly, it looks like an exercise in painful maths and futility for someone who has time blindness and second guesses map reading.

So, yeah. The idea of a retreat where I could definitely take public transit, stay there Friday and Saturday, and then could take transit back home sounds nice.

[stillswearing]

7:30 AM - Errand day. I’m at Starbucks, RBC. Luckily it opens at 6AM; I was concerned I would have nowhere to kill time for about 2 hours before my bank opens at 9am.

Yeah, bank errands. In a bid to be more fiscally responsible, I am putting my eggs in separate baskets, as they say. I’m opening another time deposit account so I won’t touch a bulk of my money for a few years. This comes at the heels of my opening an investment account. I don’t know, man. I don’t know what I’m doing, if I’m doing this “saving money” thing correctly. But it’s brought me to this point where I woke up at 5:30 am, so I can go to the bank at 9am.

I’m also scheduling a doctor’s appointment - for around lunch 10-11am. See, I was told more than a month ago during my office APE that I didn’t need to pee in a cup. And then last week the company nurse told me I needed to. So here I am, booking a slot at a mall clinic that honors my insurance. I’m lucky that the clinic is in Shangri-La… I think. Honestly, it remains to be seen. I’ll see when I get there.

Did I mention I woke up at 5am?

I can’t believe I’m at a Starbucks with an Iced Grande White Sweet Cream Cold Brew, typing away on a Mac, like some a living effigy to consumerism. Burn me. I can see myself from a third person perspective, and I can’t help but judge that girl in the corner, in a tank top and Nikes, with her headband and tinted lips. As office folks in their smart casuals get their mediocre morning in the nearest available shop. Basically, I’m bringing influencer-core in this corporate Starbucks. Very cute of me. Speaking of smart casual - I do love the middle-class juxtaposition of a smart pair of slacks against a commuter’s backpack.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh right. All this to say, that as I sit here typing, in an attempt to look busy in this restaurant since I can’t use my phone and computer without wi-fi (and I refuse to pay more on my phone bill unless I really have to), what I want to actually do is write out yet another one of my insane late-night breakthroughs as I talk to myself to exhaustion. I already started writing about this on my Tumblr - but that was more of an aimless post than an actual meditation on something deep that had happened.

(Some lady who looks like Ma’am Clem just walked in the shop. Our eyes met. I don’t think it’s her but my stomach dropped for 0.5 seconds. Quick, keep your eyes on the screen and continue typing. I can overhear her talking to the patron sitting across me. He had been talking to himself out loud; it had taken me a moment to realize this man was memorizing lines.)

Anyway, back on topic. Here I go.

My therapist (great start) told me in our last session that she attributes my black-white thinking to religious trauma. (It’s probably a mix of trauma and general autism but I’m good with seeing it as a trauma response for now.) And I just want to break down how this type of thinking has both served me and hurt me. I think it pays not to totally vilify this tendency I have - my first instinct was to “fix it,” but I realize it would be better at this stage to “contextualize it” instead.

Pros - Having black-white thinking has enabled me to have clear standards and boundaries with people. I have expectations of how I want myself and those close to me ought to conduct themselves, and when they fail to do that, I know that need to either communicate some changes or slowly let it go. It’s pretty clear cut to me.

Edit: 2:45pm - im home now. And I just want to add that I developed this “tool” as a result of losing religion as my center, my sense of value and identity. So having this black-white thinking was kinda like a barometer of goodness and excellence outside of religion, and more informed by intellect, community, and empathy.

(Oh shit Robyn just came on the Starbucks radio. Happy pride.)

However, black-white thinking isn’t beneficial to me when I start feeling incredibly shitty about myself when I do not meet the high standards I’ve set for myself. More importantly, I feel shitty when other people don’t meet these standards as I translate this as them not valuing/loving me. Wild, I know. And these high standards for myself and other people come from me having The Responsible Role since I was a literal child. It has been my identity since forever - I don’t remember at time where I was not conscious that my actions and decisions impact other people in my life. (I remember it being a breakthrough at an early age that I do not have to be responsible or feel guilty for men’s misogynistic behavior around me. That’s on them, not me.) And since my “love language” is ultimately taking care of someone to the utmost standard that I can, I do not feel taken care of when they fail to do the same for me - even if they are trying their best. My unhealthy thinking is, “If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t make THIS mistake… because I wouldn’t.”

For example,

AA, JV, My job

It’s a lot.

So yeah, there. My non-black-white thinking about black-white thinking. It’s pretty, dare I say, therapeutic to get that all out. I’m back to meeting with Josie once a month. So I hope it all works out.

And I special shoutout to my friends who HAVE met these nearly impossible standards of mine. They are truly out of this world.

I would end this way more neatly if I wanted to - I still have 15 mins before I go to the bank - but frankly I am an impatient person and this exercise has bored me.

I’ll work on my writing habits some more next time. I know I always say that but I do want to hone and refine (aka “FIND”) my own voice again, beyond all the formal pseudo-writing I do for my job over the past 5 years.

Anyway, ciao.

It’s Taylor Swift on the radio now. Ew. Time to go.

[Edit: 9 July]

I have more insights after talking with A out loud about the things I have learned so far in therapy.

I think I was also hating myself because I operated under the thinking that my thoughts and feelings should match up with my actions (very Christian of me, I know.) So when I was responding with grace, empathy, and kindness to the shitty situations that Alie and my job put me in, I still felt like I was still falling short of my own standards since I don't actually FEEL any grace or empathy or kindness towards them - I hate them.

I saw that as me being fake. But now I know that me externalizing the "correct" and "good" responses regardless of how I actually felt was me having Principles. That was me saying, "I want to conduct myself in a manner of dignity regardless of the pain that others cause me. Yes I still feel the fury and disappointment, but I will choose, not ignore them, but to temporarily set it aside so I can respond in a way that will ultimately give me peace in the long run. I do good things not for the benefit of the people who hurt me (they do not factor at all). I do these actions, regardless of how I feel at the moment, for myself so I can respect myself and not regret my actions.

Therapist told me I think in black and white due to evangelical trauma. (I left around 10 years ago.) This practice isn't limited to judging people's morality and actions. It extends to how I label things, ideas, feelings, phenomena, etc. under categories or concepts, so I can easily navigate the world.

I find that fascinating. See the upside of seeing patterns easily, of being able to draw conclusions and come up with categories, is that I have clear and "good" standards for myself and others and the world. I can spot social red flags miles away and I can dodge emotional bullets like the matrix.

And if I'm gonna be kind, I'm gonna be the KINDEST PERSON YOU'LL EVER MEET. If I need to be responsible, I will be the most RESPONSIBLE AND HELPFUL HUMAN ever. If I can't meet your needs, I will at least BE THE BEST PERSON AT COMMUNICATING THAT. And I expect the same level of care to be returned to me. This is how I understand love - people being the best they can be to be "good" to the people they care for. Anything not that? Well.

The downside of thinking like this is that I feel constantly devalued and uncared for when people don't meet my black-and-white standards. If you fail, then you've fallen short, you're in the black - not white. And for some reason, my brain will interpret that as "You don't care about me. If you did, you wouldn't have done this mistake. I don't think I should be here anymore."

WHICH IS!!! APPARENTLY!!! NOT THE WAY!!! NORMAL HUMANS WORK!!! SINCE PEOPLE ARE MULTIFACETED!!!

This thinking leads me to a weird lone-wolf lifestyle that I don't like. I don't see myself as an independent girlboss bitch with no deep social connections. And now i gotta learn how to expand my concept of "care" and "value" if I want to actually FEEL connected to others. Isn't that wild.

[dinosaurtsukki]

[ traffic jams ] 

pairing: suna rintarou x gn!reader

word count: 1.8k words

contains: ‘timestamps’ in a way, some shenanigans to pass the time, slightly awkward!suna, a bit too many ratatouille references, friendship with mutual crushing

a/n: i lowkey miss the traffic jams going home and one thing that struck me when reading suna’s bio on the wiki was that he doesn’t actually live near inarizaki so i thought it would be cute to have like a suna x reader commute fic

>> 5:45 pm: 

you sigh for what was probably the fifth time that hour as you stare at the road map on your phone. the highway you were currently on was marked with red, indicating a traffic jam that stretched for kilometers. ‘estimated travel time: 4 hours’ the top of your phone screen read.

‘great, and it’s a friday night on top of that.’ you rub the side of your temple and stare out the window of the bus. you already knew what going to inarizaki, a high school all the way out in hyogo, while you were currently living in tokyo meant when it came to travel time. you often had to wake up early and get home late with the long travel time to school and back. most days, it was manageable and a one hour commute meant a good day. however, there were days when a storm was raging outside, delaying the train and bus schedules, and road accidents that led to the kind of situation you were currently in.

after leaving at five pm, you spent the past hour doing some homework in the bus and now you were fresh out of things to do. you’re also avoiding using your phone too much and draining your battery. right before you’re about to put on your earphones, your bus seatmate stirs awake. 

aside from you, there is one other student who also commutes all the way to school from aichi, the prefecture where you live: suna rintarou. you know him as one of the regulars in the volleyball team and that he’s in the same year as you. neither of you ever really interacted much but took the same bus to and from school. sometimes you’d greet each other good morning and recently had this silent agreement to sit next to each other.

you watch as suna blinks sleepily before glancing out the window beside you. “where are we?” he mumbles.

“still in hyogo. it’s been an hour,” you answer. 

“damn, really?” suna groans when he realizes just how terrible the traffic is outside. “and it’s a friday too.”

“tell me about it,” you chuckle mirthlessly. “also, estimated travel time is four hours so there go my exciting friday plans,” you add sarcastically.

“sorry you have to spend them with me,” suna smirks at you. your stomach flutters and you smile nervously. despite not knowing him too well, you couldn’t help but find him quite attractive. in fact, the reason why you got up early in the morning and tried to leave school at the same time as him was because you enjoyed your daily commutes with suna so much. even more so when you two started sitting next to each other.

“well, i don’t think that would be too bad,” you clear your throat. “we could play ‘i spy’ for four more hours.”

“or,” suna grins, leaning down and opening his backpack before pulling out his laptop. you chuckle and pull out your earphones. “we could watch ratatouille.”

“of all the things to pirate. you really chose ratatouille?”

“fuck disney, am i right?” suna smirks.

“fuck disney.”

>> 7:46 pm

“good on you for making sure that your laptop was fully charged before leaving school,” you say, stretching your arms a bit as soon as the credits roll.

“hmm, yeah,” suna sighs and leans his head back. “though, i think i made the wrong decision.”

“how come?”

suna crosses his arms over his stomach and squeezes his eyes shut. “because we watched ratatouille, i’m hungry now.”

“oh...” you nod your head, just as you feel a rumble in your stomach. “oh,” you repeat. 

“yeah,” suna groans. “do you have any food on you?”

“i have...” you rustled through your backpack before procuring “a bag of peanuts.” 

“hmm, that’ll have to do,” suna said, plucking the packet out of your hand. “say, one nut each per two minutes? just to ration it out?”

you sigh. “it’s going to be a long night.”

>> 8:10 pm

“there it is, the last two nuts,” suna says gazing at the two peanuts in the palm of his hand before offering one of them to you.

“i really, really thought they would last longer,” you sigh.

“they would have if you kept them for yourself,” suna raises his eyebrows. 

“i’m too nice for that,” you giggle. “besides, i’d feel too guilty seeing you all hungry.”

“and i might guilt-trip you just a little bit,” suna says. “like, toss you mournful looks and everything.”

“no! not the mournful looks,” you cry and the two of you burst out laughing. you lift your peanut towards him. “toast?” 

“toast,” suna snickers. you toast your peanuts before popping them into your mouth. you’re both still far from home.

>> 8:30 pm

“i spy with my little eye... something red and blinking.”

“oh my god, it’s another car taillight isn’t it?”

“... it is,” suna admits, blinking lazily out the window. “i mean, it’s all taillights out there. anyway, your turn.” he nudges your arm with his elbow.

“i spy with my little eye... “ you blink and yawn. “some really tired passengers.” 

“i’m looking at one right now,” suna snickers at you.

you two share a glance before simultaneously sighing. 

“i want to be home,” you say. you don’t even have to look at suna to know he’s nodding in agreement. 

>> 9:00 pm

“chicken nuggets.” 

“suna, please stop,” you groan.

“it’s all i can think of,” suna shakes his head. the two of you are staring up at the ceiling of bus, trying and failing to forget your hunger. “when we get out of here, i’m going to the first fast-food restaurant i see and ordering chicken nuggets. also ice cream from the convenience store. you know, the soft-serve one in the cone.”

“yeah, you only mentioned that five times for the past hour,” you roll your eyes.

“how bout you? what’s the first thing you’re getting when we finally get to the stop?” suna nudges your ribs. you close your eyes, knowing that nothing good will come out of talking about food. but then again, not thinking about it wasn’t going to make you any less hungrier either.

“strawberry yogurt drink,” you answer. “i want that strawberry yogurt drink that they always have in convenience stores?”

“oh that one,” suna hums. “you’re literally the only person i know who likes that.”

“which is great because the vending machines never run out of them,” you add. “you what else i want?” you ask after a beat of silence.

“what?”

“that mushroom remy cooked in the beginning of the movie,” you giggle. suna shakes his head as a smile blooms on his face. now that you think about it, you’ve never really seen that kind of goofy smile on him before.

>> 9:30 pm

suna wakes up for the second time during that bus ride after a short nap. it doesn’t surprise at all that he’s still in the bus. what does, though, is seeing you fast asleep with your head on his shoulder. you must have accidentally leaned on him while you two drifted off to sleep but suna was far from annoyed. 

he was never really one to approach random people to strike up a conversation, but he always enjoyed seeing you, wearing the same uniform as him, waiting at the same bus stop he took every morning. unlike suna, you were way more productive during your daily commutes by doing your homework in the bus. once or twice, he’d glance at your pretty handwriting or pick up your pencil after you accidentally dropped it.

suna noticed that sometimes, you’d pack cereal in ziploc bags to eat for breakfast. that it would take you less than five minutes to fall asleep in the bus when there are exams. that you rotated between the same five hairclips throughout the week.

the sound of the bus engine coming to a stop and passengers abruptly standing up brings suna out of his thoughts. with a start, he realizes that you’re both finally at the bus stop in your hometown.

“y/n. wake up,” suna nudges you softly. he only gets to appreciate your sleepy face for a few seconds before breaking the good news. “we’re home.”

“we are?” you wake up instantly at that and look out the window. “oh my god, we are!” you squeal. suna grins as the two of you quickly pick up your bags and leave the bus. 

“okay so the nearest fast-food place is the one a few blocks away from here,” suna says as the two of you leave the bus. god, he’s starving. he can already taste the chicken nuggets. 

“eat a whole bunch of them for me,” you laugh. suna stops and looks at you.

“i...” suna realizes with a hint of embarrassment that he was under the assumption you two would be going together. “if... if you’re hungry too you can come, if you want.”

“oh.” there’s genuine surprise in your voice and suna feels a bit of relief. “i... i thought.”

“of course you don’t have to if you really need to head home.” 

“it’s not that i just, rarely ever get invited to things,” you chuckle and hook your thumbs into the straps of your backpack. “so... shall we go?”

suna feels the corner of his lip turn up in a smile. “chicken nuggets are on me.”

>> monday, 6:00 am:

you sprint to the bus stop as fast as your legs could carry you. rarely were you ever late for your bus, especially with how quickly you went through your morning routine. but this time, your sibling hogged the bathroom for five minutes too long, thus leading you to your current predicament. 

the bus is thankfully still there when you reach the stop and you don’t hesitate before flinging yourself inside, only to be greeted with the seats full of passengers. ‘damn,’ you mentally curse. the next bus doesn’t arrive until twenty minutes later and you were surely going to come in to class late and--

“y/n.” 

you hear suna’s voice call out to your right. he lifts his bacpack off the seat beside him and gestures for you to sit. 

he had saved a seat for you.

“thank you so much,” you smile gratefully and slide into the seat while catching your breath. 

“sure thing, busmate,” suna smirks at you. “i, ah, also got you this.” he reaches into his backpack before handing you something. it’s a carton of your favorite strawberry-yogurt drink.

you have to press your lips together to keep the giddy smile off your face as you accept it from suna. “thanks... busmate.”

“so,” suna clears his throat. “i was thinking of what movies to pirate next in the event of another friday traffic jam. you got any ideas?”

“hmm, let me think...” 

maybe traffic jams weren’t going to be so bad after all. 

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist):

@montys-chaos​ @miyumtwins​ @strawberriimilkshake​ @pocubo​ @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan​ @therainroguefanfiction​ @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh​ @charliefredb​ @dramaqueenweeb1469 @tremblinghearts @applepienation @kirakirasaku @haikyuu-my-love @waitforitillwritemywayout @kattykurr @atsumusdomain​ @goodfoodxoxoxo​ @ah-kaashi​ @guardianangelswings @definitely-yours @amberalisa @whootwhoot​ @liz-multifandom-hotel @kac-chowsballs​ @procrastination-lady @miyakiyo0mi

[dialovers-translations]

Life + blog update

Today I got great news at my job since they informed me that my contract will be extended till the end of the school year.

Right now, I teach Dutch to foreigners four mornings a week in level 1 (standard course) but the module was set to end on May 7th and they were not quite sure yet if they would still need two teachers for level 2 as well. 

Right now they had to split up the group because of Covid-19 regulations where only 10 students are allowed per class. However, level 2 incorporates more online classes AND it is quite common for students to have to repeat level 1 as well since the pacing is quite high.

Instead, they offered me a job till June 30th in level 3 (slow course) where I will be teaching students who have very little educational background (e.g. people who never got a chance to attend school in their own country) so the standard course is too advanced for them. 

I will still be teaching 4 mornings a week but my workplace is a little closer to where I live, so I can leave the house around 7:05 AM instead of 6:20 AM and I’ll be back home around 1:45 PM instead of 2:30 PM so that’s a big plus. uwu

In terms of this blog, not much will change since I have such a large queue built up already. xD I usually play 2 chapters of DF every day on my daily commute to work and then I translate them in the afternoon.

Additionally, requests will re-open on Saturday May 1st so keep an eye out for that!

[thistransient]

Canadian Friend (my only good friend in Taipei rn) has been trying to convince me to rent a room in the building he’ll be moving into (when he gets out of covid home-quarantine, anyways- I dodged a bullet by being too tired to go along to the event where he got it last weekend). I finally went to have a look yesterday, mainly because the Terrible Snoring Man in my hostel dorm came back after a weekend absence. The manager showing the place first tried to interest me in a ground floor room that opened directly to the street, but didn’t do a great job as his first words regarding it were “你怕老鼠嗎?” (‘Are you afraid of [mice/rats]?’ Hard to distinguish because the word is the same for both in Chinese, so I asked if he meant little ones (mice) or big ones (rats) and he was like oh, all of them!)

Anyways this place is back up north in Shilin District, so a 30-45 min commute depending on mode of transport and traffic. I feel conflicted. Pros: living near a friend, which means meeting my socialisation and food quotas. The place is pretty basic, I probably wouldn’t be tempted to lay around in there more than necessary. The landlord is willing to do a half-year lease. Cons: I had initially been willing to commute to school if it meant more affordable and nicer housing, but in this case it’s both far away AND not super nice? I really like being able to walk out the door at 8:20, buy a drink at 7-11, snarf down a breakfast sandwich from a roadside stand en route to school, and be in my seat by 8:35 for an 8:40 start. I’m also concerned about either going into hermit-mode after class or conversely, some light social drinking becoming the road to back to ruin (I got some kind of fruity 3% Japanese soda last time at the night market which doesn’t exactly portend disaster but it’s a slippery slope hey).

 I feel hypocritical for settling when I said I was going to get a nice proper apartment this time in Taiwan, and being afraid to commit to anything because I still don’t have a solid plan for the end of the study term I’ve paid for (find a job? keep studying Chinese? university? something else?). I had grand dreams to spend this time making connections, working on my art and living it up, but in the end I’m just tired. Intensive class is intense. How did I manage to forget that it was like this last time too?? I come home and need to take a nap for 2-3 hours, then just Lay There for a while. Suddenly it’s time for dinner (if I can even decide what to eat) and homework and then my alarm to take a shower goes off and what the heck, it’s bedtime already? I mysteriously and consistently wake up at 04:00 now. Last night I had a dream that I was back in Thailand, waiting for a flight to some other destination when I looked at the dream people around me and said “Hey, there’s NO way I’d leave Taiwan while the borders are still closed and I’d have to quarantine again going back in. This is a DREAM I tell you, a DREAM! Where am I really??!” and in a great psychic struggle, my outrage finally resulted in waking up in bed, feeling very vindicated. No, it wasn’t the mutant pet baboons who could speak English that seemed unrealistic and out-of-place to my brain, but being on the wrong side of a closed border does it every time. 

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,919 Words

Summary: A new friend moves into the dorm.

Warnings: Death Mention, Abandonment Mention, Orphan Mention, Disownment, Cursing, Injury Mention, Blood Mention, Caps, Food Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Existence Is A Prison  Aizawa: feral cat dad, Aoyama: gay salt, Hagakure: ranch flavored jello, Tokoyami: foil-mecha, Shinsou: farmer toshi, Kuroiro: life is a nightmare, Shiozaki: saviour, Tsunotori: schrodinger better run, Honenuki: pure, Monoma: nat20, Yamada: President Megaphone, Bakugou: deku-deck-you

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 5

6:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

President Megaphone: Alright, you might have noticed dorm 10 is occupied this morning. You guys are getting another fellow dormmate.

gay salt: mon dieu. Who?

President Megaphone has added Bakugou

Bakugou: Hi, I guess.

farmer toshi has changed Bakugou's name to deku deck-you

deku deck-you: I'd kill you if you didn't risk your life for my teacher.

farmer toshi: Come kill me then, coward.

deku deck-you: No, I'm too tired.

schrodinger better run: Hey, Baku, what's your tragic backstory?

deku deck-you: What?

foil-mecha: Well, about 60% of us in here have a tragic backstory for being in the dorms. Monoma's mother abandoned him in Japan, Hagakure and Shinsou are orphans, Kuroiro's parents hate her, and Honenuki's been disowned. Me and Shiozaki are only here because our commute to and from school would have been horrible and Tsunotori and Aoyama are exchange students.

deku deck-you: It's stupid. I don't want you to think I'm pathetic.

gay salt: If anyone makes fun of you, I'll personally kick in the teeth. Besides Shinsou, he gets a free pass only because his teeth are already fucked this week with wires.

deku deck-you: Well, my old hag mother wanted me to drop from UA because it's too dangerous for her liking but I wouldn't do it so she kicked me out and disowned me. She beat me pretty bad, ended up breaking my right kneecap and left a bunch of deep cuts on my arms and almost severed my arteries in my wrists with some glass from a vase she broke before she threw me out of the house.

deku deck-you: I'd have used my quirk on her if it wouldn't be considered unwilling quirk usage against a civilian and, with my quirk, I'd be put in jail for how dangerous me using it in a fight could be, especially if she claimed I hurt her. I can't even go to class this morning because she threw my blood on my UA uniform so I wouldn't go back.

farmer toshi: Can't say it'll completely fit you, but my uniform is clean in room 6 in the top drawer of my dresser. Use mine for today since I'm not allowed to go to school today still. I threw up last night so I'm being held yet again for observation.

deku deck-you: Thank you. Who all is even here?

ranch flavored jello: Oh yeah, introductions. You weren't here for them.

ranch flavored jello has quoted 21 messages

Aizawa: Shouta, he/him, I'm gay, married, depressed

Shinsou: Hitoshi, he/him, I'm gay

Monoma: Seiko, she/they/he, pansexual/genderfluid, if you have a crush on me, you're some kind of gay

Hagakure: Toru, she/her, lesbian

Aoyama: Akemi, she/they, trans mtf/lesbian

Tsunotori: Pony, she/her, lesbian

Shiozaki: Ibara, they/them, asexual/agender/aromantic

Kuroiro: Kageya, she/her, trans mtf/bi

Tokoyami: Fumikage, he/him, trans ftm/bi

Honenuki: Juzo, she/her?, bi

Kuroiro: Ah yes, our girl, Honenuki Kiyomi.

Shinsou has changed Aizawa's name to feral cat dad

Shinsou has changed Aoyama's name to gay salt

Shinsou has changed Hagakure's name to ranch flavored jello

Shinsou has changed Tokoyami's name to foil-mecha

Shinsou has changed Kuroiro's name to life is a nightmare

Shinsou has changed Shiozaki's name to saviour

Shinsou has changed Tsunotori's name to schrodinger better run

Shinsou has changed Honenuki's name to pure

Shinsou has changed Monoma's name to nat20

feral cat dad has changed Shinsou's name to farmer toshi

deku deck-you: Well, I'm pansexual, he/him, trans ftm, just please don't call me Bakugou anymore, I don't want that hag's surname.

feral cat dad: I'll fight your mother, don't tempt me.

feral cat dad: Also how about Aizawa Katsuki?

deku deck-you: I'm going to start crying.

nat20: Looks like Mr. Aizawa is adopting another kid with bad parents.

President Megaphone: Yeah, I'll get the paperwork on the UA twelve hour adoption from custody transfer.

deku deck-you: Oh my god, I can't believe this is really happening.

farmer toshi: I'd kill a transphobe for my brother, your honor.

deku deck-you: I have a family? Really? A real family that won't hurt me?

President Megaphone: As your uncle, I assure you, nobody here will hurt you.

feral cat dad: Katsuki, I would never hurt my son.

farmer toshi: Yeah, dude, I wouldn't hurt you, ever.

ranch flavored jello: I have a brother! I wanna paint your nails!

deku deck-you: I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.

farmer toshi: I'm glad you're happy, Katsuki.

deku deck-you: You're all so nice, thank you.

gay salt: We'd be nice to you regardless, Kats. We're happy to help you whilst you're settling in and finally getting to feel safe. We're proud of you for being brave enough to reach out for help when you needed it.

deku deck-you: I need to get dressed before y'all keep making me cry.

deku deck-you is now offline

7:50 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: katsukiinhisschooluniformwithorangehair.jpg

deku deck-you: Toru helped me because my arms still hurt a lot when I grab things.

ranch flavored jello: My boy, Katsuki, looks like a god.

deku deck-you: I finally don't look like my mother anymore.

farmer toshi: I'll punt kick her for you, bro.

deku deck-you: Don't make me cry.

ranch flavored jello: Get to class, Kats. I'm waiting for you.

deku deck-you is now offline

8:15 AM

Existence  Is A Prison

ranch flavored jello: katsukisnewhair.vid

Video Transcript

Oh my god, Kacchan? -Unknown

Let me fucking explain maybe before you all just gang up on me and make me even more uncomfortable. -deku deck-you

My hag mom threw me out because I wouldn't drop from the Hero Course because it's too 'dangerous' for her liking now. So I'm living in the dorms, if you make fun of my hair, I'll have to kill you because Toru worked hard to make it look good on a time constraint -deku deck-you

I think it looks really good, Kacchan! - Unknown

I will still deck you, Deku, you damn nerd. -deku deck-you

[the camera shows that Katsuki is actually happy and smiling at Midoriya and he's being hugged by Aoyama as Aizawa comes into the room bandaged to the point of looking like a Halloween mummy decoration]

Transcript End

President Megaphone: God fucking dammit, Shouta!

farmer toshi: DAD!

ranch flavored jello: What's wrong?

President Megaphone: He wasn't supposed to start teaching again yet since he's still too injured for Recovery Girl's quirk to work on him.

gay salt: Don't worry, us dorm kids will make sure he doesn't do anything too dangerous.

President Megaphone: Fine, I guess.

3:15 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I'm officially going back in the dorms, Aunt Nemuri came and got me. They knocked my hold down to twelve hours since I threw up since I haven't had anymore nausea or vomiting.

farmer toshi: My stubborn ass is at the store before I go home, do you guys need anything?

President Megaphone: Make sure you pick yourself up things that are liquid for the next couple days while you're on the mend before Recovery Girl can heal you.

farmer toshi: That's the plan. I've already procured blueberry yogurt drinks and silken tofu and soft ice cream and jellies and stuff. I wanted to know before I check out if anyone else needs anything.

gay salt: Yeah, grab me some boiled octopus and crab sticks if you can. I'm craving them.

foil-mecha: jagariko please, whichever one you find.

ranch flavored jello: Enoki, a bunch of them, and thick white bread.

feral cat dad: Just grab some extra jellies.

life is a nightmare: ham, bean sprouts, tofu, and eggs.

pure: Tofu and spam.

schrodinger better run: Milk, bacon, and eggs for my breakfast tomorrow.

nat20: cheese sausages and kimchi ramen, please.

saviour: Just tofu and edamame.

President Megaphone: aloe yoghurt.

farmer toshi: Got it. I'll be home in like a half hour. Be waiting for your groceries.

8:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

schrodinger better run: @everyone I've made everyone breakfast! Even you, Shinsou and Mr. Aizawa. I made you two's food liquid for you.

schrodinger better run: Breakfast is eggs, pancakes, bacon, and tofu. I made the pancakes vegan friendly and I tried really hard to make the tofu like sausage for Toru and Ibara!

saviour: Thank you, Pony, I'm sure it'll be good no matter what.

ranch flavored jello: Thanks Pony, you're the best.

schrodinger better run: No problem!

schrodinger better run: And for Mr. Aizawa and Shinsou, I made you two your smoothie bags and some of the juice I made for you!

farmer toshi: Which ones?

schrodinger better run: For you, the vanilla coconut, chocolate peanut butter jelly, and guava orange juice. For Mr. Aizawa, spinach peanut butter banana, citrus berry, and guava orange juice.

feral cat dad: Thank you, pony.

feral cat dad: No, capitalize pony.

feral cat dad: Fucking speech to text.

feral cat dad: Pony. There we go.

schrodinger better run: Love you, Mr. Aizawa.

feral cat dad: Love you too, kid.

2:30 PM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: Katsuki, Recovery Girl says she can likely heal you now that you're feeling better.

deku deck-you: Yeah, sure.

3:45 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: You feel okay, Kats?

deku deck-you: Yeah, just tired. I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up for dinner.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:45 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Jeez, you get up early. I'll try to run with you tomorrow.

deku deck-you: I'm good running alone, Shinsou.

farmer toshi: Oh, okay.

deku deck-you: I mean, if you wanna, then go ahead, but I know you don't sleep well. Plus you have to rest up so Recovery Girl can heal you.

farmer toshi: I know, but I also know it sucks to run alone sometimes.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Shoot, I slept past my alarms.

deku deck-you: It's fine. As long as you're getting sleep, you don't have to run with me, Shinsou.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Fucking alarms weren't set.

deku deck-you: You needed the sleep, Shinsou. You were up late.

farmer toshi: Fine. But I'll catch you one of these mornings.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I'm getting closer, you early bastard.

deku deck-you: Keep thinking that, Shinsou.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

5:55 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Now you're taunting me.

deku deck-you: You wish. I'm just good at waking up early.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

5:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I JUST MISSED YOU!

farmer toshi: Get back here little bastard!

deku deck-you: shinsousprintingafterhim.jpg

life is a nightmare: What a wholesome ending.

deku deck-you: shinsoufellonme.jpg

President Michael: You good, kids?

deku deck-you: Yeah, we're good. My knee is a little achy but I'll be fine.

farmer toshi: Don't worry, I'll force him back if he's hurt, Uncle Zashi.

Taglist: @everythingisstardust

[yourehomesickiunderstand]

About/Rules/Verses

Hello, and welcome to my Bofur RP blog. This post is a HUGE wall of text, if you are on desktop and would like to see it a little tidier, please see the separate pages in the sidebar to the right. 

Promo Post Found Here

About the Mun

1. Firstly I am over 30, own a house, have a husband, 1 baby, 2 cats, and a wealth of commitments and responsibilities. I will do my best to reply in a timely manner, but will state up front that sometimes life gets in the way.

2. I am in EST and work M-F from 9-5, plus a half hour commute. Please understand that I can not post from work, and will not be posting during those times.

3. In addition, I am Mom to a very active toddler who is my priority over writing and who’s nap schedule tends to dictate when I can post.

4. My native language is English, though I can understand French, and a little bit of Spanish and Japanese. Don’t bank on me carrying on a decent conversation in any of those languages though.

About the Blog

1. When I first set up this blog I didn’t realize that secondary blogs can’t follow back, ask, or submit. My main blog name is Saffity, so if you see that blog follow you, it’s me. If I send an ask or submit, I will mention this blog name so you don’t get confused.

2. My inbox, ask, etc. is open. Please feel free to write me any starters, questions, or whatever.

3. Please send any critiques or suggestions to me. I’ve been on Tumblr forever, but have never really been a poster. If you see me doing basic noob mistakes with my posts that can be easily fixed, please let me know.

4. I will be tracking #yourehomesickiunderstand so please use that tag with our threads.

Mun’s Playing Style

1. I prefer my Bofur straight. I understand Boffins and other ships and have no qualms with them, I’ve been known to enjoy a good fluff fic once in a while, but this Bofur is straight.

2. Please send me an ask or fan mail if you would like our characters to have an already established relationship, I’m totally cool with it. I respond to all cannon characters as known as it shows in the books or movies, but if you are an OC and want something other than a “Nice to meet you” please let me know first.

3. I’m willing to do some fluffies, but not full on smut, if the thread calls for smut (which will often happen), I’ll fade to black when I’ve gone as far as I feel comfortable with. (Don’t worry, I’ll fade when I’m ready, you’ll never get any angry messages from me about going too far.)

4. Bofur here is multiverse, au, indie, whatever you want to call it. I’m sure he’ll fit into whatever crossover or world you decide to drop him in, he’s very easy going after all.

5. I tend to write in the past tense, third person. If you’d prefer a different style, just let me know and I’ll try to accommodate.

6. I’m bad with my images, so bad! I’m still figuring everything out, so if I’ve royally screwed something up, please let me know and I will delete and repost correctly.

7. I am super okay with editing anything I write if it doesn’t jive with your character or where you want the plot to go, please just let me know.

8. I mainly play on mobile, as such, I’m not able to cut my posts down. Please do so whenever you feel the need/want, I won’t be upset.

Head Cannons that go across all verses

1. Bofur has a Northern Irish accent and his hat, always his hat.

2. Bofur has named his hat Bundushathur, which in Khuzdul means “Cloudyhead” and will sometimes refer to his hat as a sleeping rabbit. If Khuzdul does not exist in the verse (like Modern) then the hat is called Cloudyhead and still referred to as a rabbit.

3. Bofur is the everyman, he isn’t special or high born. He is good natured, friendly, and the world’s best wingman, even if it means connecting someone he pines after with someone else. He would rather see them happy and keep their friendship than try to force his feelings on them or lose their friendship because of his pride.

4. The main characteristic about Bofur is that he is unimportant in the hierarchy of society.

Main Verse - The Hobbit/LOTR

Bofur is 4'6" but fairly thin for a dwarf.

Bofur is a dwarf who’s family line comes from Moria. He is of the mining class. He was born and raised in Ered Luin with his brother. Shortly after Bofur became an adult, his parents died, leaving him to raise his brother. Shortly after that, Bifur was injured in an orc attack. Bofur and Bombur took Bifur in, however there were a number of difficult years as they all got used to Bifur’s new personality.

Once Bifur was stable enough, the brothers decided it would be a good idea to head out and find new customers for their skills. They ended up at Bree, opening up a shop to sell Bifur’s fabulous toys, and offer tinkering services.

During their stay in Bree, Bombur got married to a passing female dwarf and moved his overly large family near the shop. Bifur and Bofur live together in living quarters at the back of the shop, Bombur lived with them until he got married.

Bofur travels around Middle Earth, usually west of the Misty Mountains, and most often between Bree and Ered Luin by way of the Shire. He collects supplies, sells wares, and visits many friends and family that are about the lands.

When Thorin calls for assistance in taking back Erebor, Bofur and his kin lock up their shop and head for the Shire.

After the quest they settle in Erebor, though Bofur heads back to Bree to close up their shop and settle accounts prior to settling in for a long life of enjoying his 14th share of the treasure.

Head Cannons that can totally change if my partner is a Bifur or Bombur

1. Bofur’s father was killed in Moria at the battle of Azanulbizar, his Mother died in an Orc attack when Bofur was in his 40s. He has taken care of his brother ever since.

2. Bofur took Bifur in after Bifur was orphaned as well, the three are like brothers, having shared the experience of loss and growing up together.

3. Bombur stopped speaking after their mother died. Bofur’s tried to get him to speak, and has managed to get him to speak sometimes, but usually just small replies and often with much prodding. Bifur and Bombur use the same sign language to speak to each other and those who don’t speak Khuzdul. Bofur takes care of both of them and is the one who speaks to customers.

Modern Verse

High School

Bofur is not popular, though he’s friendly and basically knows everyone. He enjoys shop class, classical music, and historical literature.

Studious and hard working, Bofur can often be found with his nose in a book, when not sitting on the bleachers playing the tin flute he always has on him.

College Student

Bofur is a TA in college. His major is historical literature, and his goal is to eventually become a professor. His passion is delving into historical fanatasy from cultures other than England and Western Europe.

He enjoys learning languages in order to read what he is researching in its original state.

General Modern Adult

In most modern adult verses Bofur is a general labourer, most often a janitor. If he is a teacher, he teaches music and drama.

Ice Cream Shop

Bofur runs a small home made ice cream shop that is part of a coffee shop run with a companion or family member (his partner can be any member of the company). He makes a variety of flavours, and offers lactose and gluten free varieties.

He prides himself on being able to guess his customers’ favourites on sight (like the movie Chocolat).

Marvel

Bofur is a janitor within shield. He can be found on the helicarrier, within the Avengers training base, or basically anywhere the heroes may be destroying things that need to be cleaned up.

While he is quiet and without powers, he has wisdom and a patient ear to lend to those supers who require a moment to vent.

Star Trek

This is the only verse where Bofur stands out. Bofur is a red shirt, but by some miraculous turn of events, he has gone on a number of away missions and made it back alive. Poor Bofur would love to get off the enterprise with his life, and shirt, in tact, but it appears some of the higher officers like to see him lose his mind and suggest him for more away missions, even if only in jest.

Head cannons that exist in all modern verses

1. Bofur and his family are from Northern Ireland, though Bofur travels around, goes to school abroad, and in general can pop up anywhere in the world.

2. Bofur is short for a male - 5'6", with a stocky build, and fairly strong.

3. Bofur’s younger brother Bombur is still at home (or married with kids depending on their age).

4. Bofur’s parents took Bifur in after he got injured during Armed Forces training, as Bofur’s family lives closer to the rehab resources that Bifur requires.

[fundielicious-simblr]

Character Recap! Gen 2

After a good break to sort my life out, I decided that it would be good to do an update on everybody (yup, this is one of those posts) Why, you ask? Because I enjoy driving myself crazy by creating unnecessary amounts of work for myself - but y’all knew that already 😂 Keeping in line with that theme, one night at 4am I decided that I wanted to revamp my character pages (which ended up being my whole Tumblr theme) which would require updated pictures of everybody. I don’t know what possessed me to dredge up my old coding knowledge - if you can even call it knowledge- but I’m still in the process of finishing the character pages for gen 3 because there’s so many of them. 😅

Even though we’re on gen 3 officially, these characters are still mentioned in some parts of the story, and I also find it hard to let go of these since they’re my OG 8, the first sims born in game that I’ve ‘raised’. I’ve only just had the time to sit down and calculate peoples ages, meaning that the first 2 couples should technically still be adults, but I’m not reversing the aging process - we’re too far in 😂

I’ve updated my character’s page for gen 2 (gen 3 is almost done, but this isn’t about them 😂) I decided to add the ‘labels’ for each couples (where they fall on the fundie scale) because then it would align with what I do for gen 3′s character pages and how I label them. I tried to summarize all the ‘yikes’ bits of the relationships with the bulletpoints to truly highlight the 🥴-iness of it all you know? 

Allan & Casandra 

Meet Allan (54) and Casandra Collins (51) - Here’s a quick recap of their relationship:

They met at Family Bible Camp at 22 and 18 respectively, and were married 5 months later - both had their first kiss at the altar.

They continued to live as quiverfull fundamentalists after their marriage, subscribing to conservative biblical modesty standards, meaning that Casandra (and their subsequent daughters) wear skirts and dresses. They pledged to allow the Lord to decide their family size which led to 15 children - 13 living and 2 miscarriages.

Allan works as the Head Pastor at Newcrest Baptist Church along with being on the Board of Directors for the Centre For Learning and Life, whilst Casandra homeschools their children still at home and ministers to the women of the church in her duties as the Pastor’s wife. When she’s not doing that she’s visiting her grandchildren that live in town, or traveling to see the children and grandchildren that live elsewhere.

Here they are with all their children:

Back L-R: Adalynn (32), Barrett (31), Macie (31), Zoe (29), Maggie (25), Reece (24), Beckett (23)

Front L-R: Amira (22), Priscilla (20), Annette (20), Allan (54), Casandra (51), Charles (18), Parker (17), Ashton (15)

Branden & Lea

Meet Branden (52) and Lea (50) Collins - A recap of their relationship

They met when Lea’s family visited Newcrest Baptist so her father could give the sermon as the visiting pastor when he was 17 and she was 16, and they were married a year later - they saved their first kiss for their wedding day.

They had trouble having children for the first year and a half of their marriage, eventually having their twin girls Abbey and Brittany (28), their son Tanner (25) joined the family 3 years later.

Branden is now a retired Christian novelist, whose books have been bestsellers and he travels from church to church to run writing seminars for authors who are hoping to make it in the business. Lea stays at home and tends to her garden now that all their children are grown. She started the garden in their time before children and that garden has grown to be a local hit - she’s been selling the honey made by their bees and runs workshops to teach young women how to start their gardens to promote healthy eating. She travels along with Branden when he's teaching somewhere, and if she doesn’t she’s visiting her grandchildren.

Here they are with their children:

Front L-R: Abbey (28), Brittany (28), and Tanner (25)

Claire & Ryan

Meet Claire (51) and Ryan Paulson (55) - Here’s their recap:

They met when Claire travelled with a music group to perform at Ryan’s home church when she was 20 and he was 24, they were engaged 3 months later and married 3 months after that - they too had their first kiss at the altar.

They too pledged to allow the Lord to decide their family size and ended up having 10 children, like their parents they subscribe to conservative biblical modesty standards, meaning that the girls in the family wear skirts and dresses only.

Ryan runs his own IT business whilst Claire is a renowned Christian musician. Despite her immense talent, Claire’s main focus was and still is homeschooling her children and being a keeper of the home. As Ryan is his own boss, he is able to travel with Claire whenever she travels to teach of perform, she’s taught their children (who’ve seemingly inherited her talent) and the family performs at various events.

Here they are with their children:

Back L-R: Carter (30), Valentina (28), Alan (27), Celeste (26), Kristyn (24), Sabrina (24)

Front L-R: Jarrod (20), Zachary (18), Conner (15), Jarrett (15)

Danielle & Sebastian

Meet Danielle (51) and Sebastian (53) Hunt - Here’s a recap of their lives:

They met when he moved to Newcrest for his Veterinary residency and started attending their church, where during their courtship they both realised they had a shared love of nature and animals. 6 months later they were married, at the ages of 28 and 30.

They struggled to have children, and when Danielle did get pregnant 3 years into the marriage they ended up losing that pregnancy in the 3rd trimester - Danielle was pregnant with a baby girl they named Sarah. The next year they got pregnant and had their son James (19), and 4 years later they had their daughter Gabriela (15).

Sebastian runs a Vet Clinic in Brindleton Bay and Danielle stays at home to homeschool Gabriela, she does work at the clinic when she has the time and is responsible for the bookkeeping.

Here’s their family:

Elaine & Taylor

Meet Elaine (48) and Taylor (49) Godwin - Here’s a recap of their lives so far:

They met when Taylor moved to Newcrest to be a commuter into the city for his job as an engineer, and started attending their church. They courted for a year before marrying at the ages of  24 and 25.

They had their daughter Kyra (23) a year into their marriage, followed by twins Rory and Ruby Rae (17) 6 years later, Ava Grace (15) was born 2 years after the twins, and the youngest Amelia (11) was born 4 years after Ava.

Taylor works as a mechanical engineer whilst Elaine uses her teaching degree to homeschool the children and teach at the local homeschool co-op. Elaine wanted her children to have the experience of being taught by more than one person, but wanted control of their curriculum, meaning that the co-op was the best thing for them.

Here’s their family:

Fletcher & Cara

Here’s Fletcher (45) and Cara Collins (44) - Here’s a recap of their lives:

They met at Cara’s university when Fletcher was 22 and Cara was 20 and married 3 years later at the ages of 24 and 23 respectively. They set their own standards and therefore kissed before marriage. 7 years into their marriage they had their only child, a son that names James Lee (14)

Whilst Fletcher was raised in a conservative, fundamentalist household, Cara was raised in a less strict conservative Christian home and they chose to realign with less strict rules for their lives. 

Fletcher works as a Sergeant for the Newcrest Police Department and Cara works as a fundraising specialist for the local Conservative party in Newcrest. 

Here’s their family:

Grayson and Keira

Meet Grayson (42) and Keira (40) Collins - Here’s a recap of their lives:

They met when Keira moved to Newcrest to work as a Nurse in the pediatrics ward at Newcrest General hospital, Grayson had begun his rotations and they were in the same orientation group. Keira also joined Newcrest Baptist, their relationship blossomed from there and married after dating for a year and a half at the ages of 26 and 24.

They were open to having as many children as the Lord saw fit to provide, and they had their son Matthew (14)  2 years into their marriage, followed by their son Archie (11) 3 years later. There were complications during Archie’s birth that lead to Keira having a partial hysterectomy to save her life, meaning that their family is complete with their 2 boys.

Grayson works as an Obstetrician/Gynaecologist at Newcrest General, and Keira worked as a Nurse until they had their children. They’ve chosen to homeschool their children until high school, after which they enroll them in a private Christian high school. Once Archie the youngest moves into high school, Keira plans to return back to work at the hospital.

Here’s their family:

Harley & Gabriel

Meet Harley (42) and Gabriel (45) Barnard - Here’s a recap of their relationship:

They met at a dinner party in San Myshuno, they became fast friends and started dating a year after they met. They dated for 2 years before getting married at the ages of 28 and 21.

Harley was the first of her female siblings to go to college, she has a 1st class degree in Fine Arts with a focus on Fashion. She’s also the first of her female siblings to work a full time job. After going to college, Harley realised she was more like her older brother Fletcher and his wife in terms of beliefs, so when she married Gabriel they both agreed that in terms of beliefs that they’d attend a conservative non-fundamentalist church in San Myshuno. They both chose not to have children, so they spend time with their nieces and nephews, as well as the children their nieces and nephews.

Gabriel works as the Head Chef of a 5 star restaurant in the city, and Harley is the Editor-in-Chief of the popular fashion magazine ‘Myshuno Madness’

Gen 2 total: 8 sims (16 if you count the spouses)

Aaaand that is the first reintroduction post! Posts will restart after this one, mostly because I need queue some things up before doing the gen 3 posts so that I don’t need to worry about spoilers 😂

[danadeservesadrink]

Do You Believe in Fate Chapter 3

Read on AO3 here

Tagging @today-in-fic

Chapter 3: Seems Like You Didn’t Fix Your Problem

“Dana Scully speaking”

“Seems like you didn’t fix your problem Dr. Scully.”

“Oh good it’s you.”

“You got another package.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“I forgot to save your number. You’ve been calling my mother’s house.”

“Oh.”

“I needed you to call back. So I sent you something.”

“Oh.”

“You can open it if you want.”

“You know you could have just looked me up Scully”

“Didn’t think of that. I’m gonna be in town Friday. I understand if you have plans but I would like to go out with you and…”

“Yes.”

“Sorry?”

“Yes. Drinks, dinner, anything you want.”

“Ok. I can meet you at the apartment. Have you been to Fluer’s yet?”

“No never got around to fancy french dining.”

“I’ve been dying to try it. They opened right after I left. 7 sound ok with you?”

“Yea that's perfect.”

“See you then Mulder.”

“See you then Scully.”

She sent him a package. Before she had called he almost gave up on the beautiful Dr. Dana Scully. When she left him two weeks ago all he wanted to do was see her again. He thought about her every second. Hell, he even dreamed about her. She had infiltrated his mind and his soul and she was stuck like glue to every thought he had. He walked past shops and wondered if she would buy anything in them. He wondered what her favorite pizza toppings were. His mind formed a million questions about Dana fucking Scully from whether she liked cats or dogs to whether she had lingerie that matched that navy blue dress of hers.

But then she didn’t call him.

He let the first few days pass, but staring at the phone waiting for it to ring was becoming his social life and the gunmen were getting concerned.

“You don’t even know her Mulder” Langley said on the fourth night. He kept track of days now in nights since he’d seen her. Like ticks on the walls of the pit of his existence without her. “She could be a murderer. Or a spy.”

“She could murder me if she wanted too.” Frohike chimed in.

“Maybe she's a plant, sent to debunk your work.” Byers received a glare for that one.

“Listen, she’s none of that. She’s just a woman, and she’s probably not even interested. She would have called by now if she was” Mulder sulked on their couch, nursing a beer.

“Her loss buddy.”

“Yeah. Her loss.”

When the package showed up on his doorstep he actually laughed. Of course fate would drop an excuse into his lap right as he was moving on. It had been a week and he was just starting to get to the point where he didn’t run to the phone every time it rang praying to a god that it was her, and what he got in return was a choice. He contemplated just leaving the package on the step, pretending he didn’t see it, forcing her to call him and apologize.

But calling her was always going to be what he did. So when he wound up on the phone the second he got off work he really wasn’t surprised.

What did surprise him was the little game she had played. She sent him a package and now he was holding a hand-selected present from Dana Scully herself and an invitation to a fancy french restaurant late Friday night.

The package was addressed in handwriting too. He thought it might be from some distant relative but now that he considers it, it's probably her handwriting. Neat print fit for a doctor. He noticed she put Dr. in front of her name this time and he chuckles.

He rips the tape off and a DVD case drops out. He flips it over and of course it's the Exorcist because Dr. Dana Scully just had to make him fall in love with her even more. There’s a sticky note taped to the front of the case and his smile grew with every word.

Dear Dr. Mulder,

Last time I was in your apartment I noticed this classic missing from your collection. The fact that you have a copy of The Room and not The Exorcist is frankly an insult to film lovers everywhere. If you haven’t called me yet I don’t have your number, and I really would like to speak to you again, if only to improve your taste in film.

Sincerely,

Dr. Scully.

He was going to marry this woman if it killed him.

He might as well rearrange his calendar so that every day but Friday just said “doesn’t matter”, because work could be damned. That morning the hours spent reading through files and papers in his office felt like an eternity, and he found himself practically running out of the office, almost into his bosses secretary who was bent over some cardboard boxes in the middle of the hall.

“Oh Agent Mulder, I didn’t see you there”

“Yea, sorry Katie”

“It’s Kathy”

“Oh. Well goodnight”

He had almost pushed past her when he heard “Agent Mulder” in a voice that sounded more like a bird chirp to him and he would have to explain to his boss why he was so rude the next day if he didn’t so turn around he did.

“What’s up?”

“If you’re not busy, I have some friends who are going to a bar downtown later tonight, I’d love it if you could bump into me again there…” She said the word bump with a little wink and a wiggle in her hips that made her look like a jack-in-the-box.

“I have plans tonight. Sorry Kelly.”

“Kathy”

He didn’t have a chance to see her scowl. He was already out the door.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You’re very punctual Scully.”

He’d been practicing lines since 5. He practiced opening the door like a 14 year old boy practices taking off a bra. Hell, he cleaned the apartment for 30 minutes before realizing he did the same thing this morning. But when he opened the door every line and moved he’d ever had flitted out of his mind and she took its place. Navy was apparently her color because she was wearing another creation that looked tailor made for her. This one was more modest than the last one, but that didn’t make it any less alluring. A neckline that dipped down only a little in the middle to tease him, and little sheer cap sleeves that danced over her shoulders. She giggled and he swooned.

“Navy brat. My father always liked to be on time.” He stepped aside and she entered into his apartment and he got to take in the open back of that navy masterpiece. Picking his jaw up off the floor he followed her. She sauntered around the place like she owned it, which technically she did at one point, but it made Mulder feel like maybe it was still hers in some way. Clearly she lived here for a long time, she treated the place with this odd sense of familiarity, but the way she touched the counter-top like it might break told him things didn’t end on good terms. She found her way to the window and he joined her, looking out on the street below.

“I really did love this apartment.”

“Why did you leave? Not that I’m not grateful”

He turned to look at her, expecting another one of her giggles but she stayed staring out into the streetlamp.

“I think that’s really more of a second date kind of story”

“So there will be a second date?”

“We’ll see after this one won’t we.” Her smile was back and so was the sway in her hips as she walked back to the front door. “Come on, we’ll be late for our reservations.”

The 5 minute walk over was mostly Scully saying “Have you been to that restaurant yet?” and Mulder replying “Not yet” because unfortunately for him the gunmen prefer to eat in and he really doesn’t have many other friends. But Scully doesn’t need to know that yet, so he is more than happy to play the uncultured outsider to what is very obviously her city. She seemed to have a story for every place they passed. She was halfway through telling him about the time she almost got hit by a rogue street biker when they arrived at Fluers. A very nice host ushered them to their table and he found himself staring at her over a menu and candlelight.

“So how was your wedding”

“It was good. It was a friend from my old job here, before I moved, so I didn’t know many people”

“I’m sure you were a hit” She blushed again, staring down into her menu.

“I’m not usually much of a ‘hit’ these days…”

“I don’t believe that for a second.” She looked up at him then with this gaze that he couldn’t quite place. Whatever it was it was gone when the waiter showed up to take their order.

“So what about you Mulder. What do you do for fun these days?”

“Oh you know, run, watch movies, contemplate the enormity of the universe and the meaning of life”

“I thought that degree of yours was in psychology not philosophy”

“I took some classes.”

“I always liked Laërtius personally”

“I’m more of a Plato guy.”

“Of course you are.”

They settled into a silence and he found himself staring into her eyes again. She stared back with a smirk until she broke the gaze with a blush and more giggles. The waiter came back and poured the wine he ordered. He hoped she was giggly when she was tipsy.

“So what did you come to the city for?”

“I work at the hospital in the pediatric center as a cancer specialist. I used to work every day but since I moved back home I haven’t been taking new patients, so I only come back to see them. It’s a lot of commute but it’s worth it. I wouldn’t want to have to quit and force them to find a new doctor.”

“That’s amazing.”

“I do what I can.”

Of course she is some child saving super hero of a woman. He already knew he didn’t deserve a smart and sexy doctor, but this just put it over the edge. He was officially way out of his league. Why she was still sitting here was a miracle in and of itself.

“What do you do with that Oxford education?”

“I work for the FBI.”

“Ah, so you’re Agent Mulder.”

“I think I prefer Doctor better.” He could tell she was trying not to smile. He bet that she loved being the Dr. in her relationships. As much as she tried not to show it she was damn proud of herself.

“Do you profile?”

“I used to. Now I do something a little different.”

“Different how?” Her eyebrow quirked up and he chuckled to himself. Most girls are satisfied with the title of FBI agent. If they’re not, a quick flash of the badge will usually make them swoon. But not Dr. Dana Scully. She is not so easily satisfied.

“I work on cases of the unexplained.”

“Everything has an explanation”

“Of course it does Scully. But sometimes that explanation is not something that comes from the world we know”

“Are you talking about UFOs?” She sat back in her chair, eyes wide, and he leaned in, feeling the heat of the candle on his chin.

“UFO’s, cryptids, anything from crop circles to spontaneous human combustion. If the FBI can’t solve it, they toss it in my pile”

She didn’t say anything to him then, and all the confidence he had in spilling what arguably made him the weirdest human anyone had ever met was slowly fading. She took to staring at the flame in the candle, clearly contemplating how she was going to get out of this date, but then she looked up at him and their eyes met and that look burned brighter than any fire he'd ever seen.

“So have you gone Bigfoot hunting?”

[with-all-my-heart-arwen]

The Scare

A/N:  An AU fic about Arthur and Gwen and a possible life changing event.

The sun is bright as it filters in from the wide curtainless windows.  The office continues to buzz with busyness and life seems to move right along despite the turmoil Gwen is feeling inside.  She sighs heavily as she packs her meager belongings into a cardboard box.  She’d had the desk for three weeks and now her dream internship was at an end.  She was only standing up for herself, something her father taught her, and now she feels as if she’s being punished for not allowing a client to talk down to her.

She can feel the eyes of the other office occupants as they glance her way, some with sympathy and some with a good riddance smirk.  Her choice of vocation is competitive and she has already mired her path to success.  The realization of loss is heavy and stifling. She tosses the last few items into the box, grabs her purse and exits with her head held high.  Once she’s in her car, the tears start to stream down her cheeks and she can’t muster the energy to start the vehicle and drive away. She reaches for her mobile and taps the last number called.

He answers hurriedly. “Hey.  I’m kind of busy at the moment.  Can I ring you back?”

She is so choked up she can barely talk.  “Ar….Arthur…..”

“Guinevere….what’s wrong? What’s happened?”  He asks anxiously, noticing her difficulty to speak.

“I….I need you.”

“It’s fine.  Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you,” he offers.

“Can you…..meet me at the park?  By the fountain?’  She asks.

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Twenty minutes later, they are walking hand in hand as Gwen relays the incident with the client and then her boss and her subsequent firing.

“I thought for sure she’d speak up for me or at least see my side of things.  She completely threw me under the bus and told me I should have never spoken to a client in that manner.”  She pauses as she looks her boyfriend in the eye.  “I wasn’t cross with her like she was with me but I wanted her to know I would not tolerate being talked to like I was an imbecile.  How was that wrong?”

“It wasn’t wrong at all.” He shakes his head.  “Maybe you can speak with Isabel again, explain yourself….”

“You want me to grovel after the way she treated me?  She didn’t have to fire me you know.  This was an isolated incident.  Maybe I didn’t handle it as I should have.  Maybe I should have allowed the client to speak to me the way she did.”

“No.  You weren’t wrong for standing up for yourself.  I just hate to see you so miserable.”

“Well you’d better get used to it.  I can’t afford my flat now so I guess I’ll go back to Reading with dear old dad.  That means an hour commute each day for school, add in the wear and tear on the car and it all equals misery in my book.” She stops walking and drops his hand. “Oh Arthur what am I going to do?”

She feels awful asking her boyfriend of six months for answers but she is desperate.  Her life here was starting to come together nicely and now she appears to be backtracking.  It’s not fair.

He steps in and hugs her tightly.  “It will be fine.  I promise.” He places his hands on either side of her face.  “Why not start plans for your own business?”

“Are you forgetting I have one more year of uni?  No one’s going to take a graduating senior seriously.  I have to have that degree in hand.  Not to mention a bit of experience under my belt,” she reminds him.

“Ok.  Well this will leave you more time to devote to your studies. You may even finish early,” he suggests.

“Did I fail to mention my other problem?”  She lets out a soft breath.  “I need to complete an internship to get all my credits to graduate.  I’ve clearly mucked that up now.”  Her voice breaks on the last word and Arthur cringes, wishing he could take it all away.

“Let’s solve at least one of these problems.  Move in with me.  That way you won’t be back with your dad, you won’t have to drive so far, and I’ll cook breakfast each morning.”

Gwen smiles and wipes her tears.  “Eggs and toast?”

“Only the best for you.”

“Oh Arthur please be serious.  I really need some answers here.”

He frowns.  “Who says I’m not serious?”

“I couldn’t do that. I mean, it’s too soon.  We’ve only been dating for a few months.  What would everyone think?”

“Who cares what others think?  I understand this would be a big step for us but….I’m ready.”

“Ready?  Ready for what exactly?”

“Guinevere….I love you. Moving in together is a big commitment and I want that…..with you.”

“I…..I love you too Arthur but I don’t want you to feel obligated just because I’m having a bit of bad luck,” she states.

“This is not about your incident today.  This is about two people in love….taking the next step.”

She looks at him for a few seconds, recognizing his seriousness.  “Well, since you put it that way…..”

They laugh and she loops an arm through one of his as they exit the park.

Two months later

Gwen has ensconced herself into Arthur’s living quarters seamlessly.  He made good on his promise to prepare her breakfast every morning, she attended her classes during the day, he worked until six most evenings and she usually had dinner prepared for them once he was home.  Their lives merged almost perfectly.  The only thing she hadn’t accomplished was securing another internship and she had to have that in place within the next few weeks in order to complete her graduation requirements.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a bit stressed over it but she had a couple of prospects and she was just waiting for an interview.   She puts the finishing touches on tonight’s dinner and goes over a couple of assignments while she waits for Arthur to arrive.  She smiles when she hears the lock turn on the door and the love of her life enters their home.  He walks over to her and plants a sweet kiss on her lips.

“Sorry I’m late.  My father is really bad at knowing when to call it quits.”  He sets his keys in a bowl on the coffee table and moves towards the stairs.  “I’m going up to change. Be right back.”

That night was like so many others they’ve had.  Discussing their days, current events, news from friends, etc.  They spend an hour or so on their devices, checking emails, work obligations, school assignments and then they take a long hot shower together that ends with sensual lovemaking in his oversized king bed.

The next day, Gwen is seated at the coffee shop near her school with friends.

“Where’s Jessica?” She wonders.  

“Sick with cramps. She has them something awful.  I feel sorry for her,” Dreena answers.

The others continue their conversation but Gwen is stuck on the word cramps.  It automatically brings to mind her monthly cycle and she realizes she hasn’t gotten it yet.  She quickly thinks back to last month and knows she should’ve had her period by now. She takes out her mobile and pulls up the calendar to figure out just how late she is.  She gasps and tries not to panic as her heart rate increases with the thought of what could be causing her late period.

“Gwen are you ok?” Eugenia asks.

“Yeah….I…..yes I just remembered an assignment that’s due.  I really need to go.  I’ll see you guys later.”  She grabs her belongings and makes a beeline for her car.  She picks up her mobile several times to ring Arthur but she’s not sure what she would say, so she drives home and waits for him.  She can’t even think about eating she is so consumed with her thoughts.

The clock reads 7:30 and she scoffs as she thinks, ‘of all nights for him to be late’.  He did send a text earlier but she thought late would be 6:30 or 7.  At this rate, he could be even later and she knows she will be out of her mind in only a few more minutes.  She grabs her shoes and rushes down the stairs ready to snatch up her keys and drive to the nearest drug store.

Arthur walks through the door looking a bit disheveled.  “Hi love. Sorry I’m so late.  Merlin actually closed a deal and we had to celebrate.”

Gwen stands silently, looking at him.

“Are you ok?”  He asks.

“I’m late.”

“Late for what?”

“I mean…..I’m late.”

Her boyfriend’s eyebrows go up in surprise as his mouth forms a silent ‘oh’.  “Have you taken a test?  Do you know?”

She shakes her head. “No.”

He nods slowly. “Okay.  Okay….well let’s uh…..let’s get a test.”

“A test?”  She agrees.  “Yes we should get a test.”

They take his car and drive a few minutes away to a nearby drug store.  The entire time Gwen is racking her brain trying to think of how this could have happened if it has actually happened.  She and Arthur were careful.  They used condoms and she was on the pill although she was a bit forgetful from time to time.  Surely that wouldn’t result in a pregnancy?

She places the test on the counter to purchase it only to have Arthur drop a big box of condoms right next to it.  She gives him an annoyed look and remains silent as he retrieves some cash from his wallet and purchases their items.

The silence between them continues on the ride home, her mind still racing as she makes a beeline for the bathroom upstairs.  He follows at a slower pace and sits on the bed quietly.  He checks his watch, wondering how long this would take.  He stands quickly as he hears the door open. She holds a white device in her hand and shakes her head.

“It says I’m not pregnant.”

Arthur lets out a loud ‘Woo!’  He claps his hands together, then scrubs his face with them, releasing a relieved breath. “That was close.”  He walks toward her and places his hands on her shoulders. “Gosh I feel like we dodged a bullet.”

Gwen scoffs.  “I didn’t know you’d be quite so relieved.”

Arthur scoffs back. “Well aren’t you?”

“Yes…….and……no,” she answers.

“What?  What does that mean?”

“I don’t know.  The thought of being pregnant terrified me but now that I know I’m not…..I guess I’m just a bit disappointed,” she admits.

“Disappointed? Guinevere, we are not ready for a child. You haven’t graduated uni and I’ve just started a leadership role in my father’s company.  The last thing we need is a baby.”

“I know that Arthur. Don’t you think I know that?  You just…..you’ve just made me feel like a child with me would be the last thing you’d want.  If two people love each other, isn’t it natural that they’d want children together?”

“Children?  We’ve never even discussed children.  You’ve never expressed a desire to have any and to be honest I haven’t given it much thought.  All I know is that I’m not ready to change nappies and be up all hours of the night with a screaming infant.”

“You make it sound so dismal and I think it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world,” she answers softly.

“I’m sure it is beautiful for those who plan it and want it.  I’m not saying we won’t have kids but it’s just not something that should happen now,” he offers.

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t mind having kids with me?”

He takes his time answering her.  For some reason becoming a father is something that terrifies him.  His mother died giving birth to him and his father never truly got over her death. He’s not sure he can put the woman he loves in the same predicament.  “Can we please discuss this later?  I’m feeling a little drained right now.”

“Arthur…..I need to know. I love you but if you don’t see a future for us……..”

“What are you talking about? We had a scare Guinevere.  We’re ok now and we know to be more cautious in future.”

“But if we don’t want the same things then how can we stay together?”

“There’s no urgency here. How about we revisit this in another…….five years?”

Five years?  She watches dumbfounded as Arthur removes his jacket and tie and leaves the room.

That night, Arthur pulled her into his arms and held her closely.  The previous scare and conversation lingered in the room but they didn’t discuss it any further.  Gwen was surprised by her feelings and Arthur’s admission.  She replayed the conversation in her head again and again, her thoughts keeping her awake long into the early morning hours.

Two weeks later

“Arthur, I need to talk to you,” Gwen expresses as they place their dinner plates in the sink.

He nods.  “I know what it’s about and I haven’t changed my mind.”

“So are you admitting there is no future for us…..that we want different things?”

“No, of course not. I’m just saying we aren’t ready to be parents.  Don’t you agree?”  He wonders.

“Yes but…..if we’re going to have a future together, shouldn’t we discuss the things we want and expect when it comes to family?”

“It’s not a conversation we have to have right now.  We have plenty of time,” Arthur reminds her.

Gwen accepts that as his reluctance to discuss a future therefore he must not want a future that includes her and what she wants.  This only added to the stress she was experiencing which resulted in a late period. She realizes she needs to relieve some of that stress so her decision was the right one. “Well, I’ve accepted an internship.”

Arthur smiles, relieved to change the subject.  “That’s great!”

“In France.”

Her lover falters. “Wh…what?  In France?  Why?”

“I need to get serious about this, Arthur.  I scratched France off my list because I couldn’t bear being away from you but if I truly want to graduate and if I truly want the experience, I need to accept the opportunities granted to me.”

“So you’re leaving just like that?”

“It’s for 6 weeks and I’ve been approved to complete my courses online for that duration.  It’s all going to work out.”

“But what about us?”

“You’ve made it clear that we should concentrate on our careers right now and I’ve decided that you’re right.”

“Are you dumping me?” He doesn’t give her time to answer as he steps to her and lifts her chin to look directly into her eyes.  “I love you.”  He swallows nervously.  “If this is about a baby….then….we’ll have one.  I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“I love you too but I think some time apart is what we need now.  I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“Great coz I don’t want this.  I want you to stay.”

“I want you to take this time to consider what you truly want.  If you don’t see yourself as a father in a couple of years then we want different things, Arthur, and we shouldn’t be together if our expectations don’t coincide.”

He motions to say more but Gwen crushes her lips to his, pushing her tongue into his mouth and wrapping her arms around his neck.  She pushes her body against his and gasps as Arthur pulls back.

“Guinevere, we need to talk about this.”

“I leave in two days, Arthur.  I want to spend that time wrapped in your arms.”  Not another word is spoken as they resume their kiss and move into their bedroom.

The next few weeks are torturous for the both of them but they contend by keeping busy, Arthur in his new position at his father’s company and Gwen with her thriving internship. They talk on the phone daily, send each other text messages and emails and the 6 weeks are done before they realize it.

Gwen can barely contain her excitement as she presses the garage opener and parks her car beside Arthur’s.  She leaves her bags in the boot as she hurriedly unlocks the door and enters their home.  Arthur stands by the kitchen counter and she races to him, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly.  His arms snake around her waist and he kisses her neck soundly.

“I missed you so much,” she gasps then kisses him gently.

“I missed you too.”

“Arthur, I want to apologize.  I did a lot of thinking while I was away but I couldn’t say this over the phone or in an email.  I was wrong to make you feel like you had to tell me exactly what you wanted for your future.  We have time and I hope you can forgive me.  I wasn’t very understanding and I don’t want to lose you.  I love you with all my heart.”

He smiles.  “I want to apologize too.  I allowed my knowledge of what happened to my parents to cloud my judgment about my own future.  I will admit that I don’t know what the future holds for us but as long as I’m with you I don’t care.  I love you, Guinevere, more than anything.”

They kiss passionately, their love for one another more evident and stronger than ever.  She grabs his hand and leads his towards the stairs.

“I’ve dreamt about you almost every night for 6 weeks.  I hope you’re prepared to remain in bed for the next few days.”

Arthur laughs as they climb the stairs together, enter their bedroom, close the door and start to disrobe before falling onto the bed where they make love slowly and intensely.

[holisticpassport]

My Covid Story

Apologies for any spelling errors, I’m on a time crunch. I’m a few hours out from leaving for my first flight since July 2019 (and before that, March 2018). Heading out to Sydney, I’m a mix of anxiety and absolute excitement. In January of this year, our sublet was almost up in Eltham and Cam and I had plans to pack up the car and begin doing workaways around Australia to help rebuild communities devastated by the historic wild fires (doesn’t that feel FOREVER ago?). When our sublet became available for a full lease transfer, we changed our minds to stay in our space, so that was the first instance of travel being knocked out of the picture. Then we had Valentine’s weekend open to go visit some friends in Tasmania, so we booked tickets and upon waiting in the airport, our flights were cancelled due to inclement weather. DAMN.  Mid-march came around and it was Cam’s birthday, so we wanted to get out for a weekend of camping in our big bell tent, find a gorgeous spot in the woods out east near Warburton. When we arrived, every camping spot for an hour’s dive any direction was either full or completely not open at all. We picked a spot off a random road and spent one night there, but some rangers came by and said we couldn’t stay there due to the possible danger of logging trucks not seeing us. So that was a bust.

Then as you’re aware, this time frame leads up to the very tumultuous third week of March when Melbourne officially went into its first lockdown due to COVID. I documented this time in journal entries which I will add at the end, but ultimately the lockdown went until June, and the state reopened too quickly/had a fiasco with quarantined cases getting out of a hotel, thus sparking the second wave. We had flights booked to California for June to see my family and then planned to travel around Mexico for a few months, but that dream was quickly squashed when flights out of Melbourne ceased to exist at all. Months later, I had a flight booked in July to go to Sydney where I was to have my eggs extracted for donation. The day before I was to fly out, second lockdown went into effect and the flight was cancelled (thus forcing me to have the procedure done in Melbourne and cause a huge, historic controversy between Melbourne IVF’s CEO and the medical director of IVF Australia about how to transfer frozen eggs over a closed border!).

I’m struggling to comprehend just how important and meaningful my ability to travel today is. To think back to the first time in history, watching borders around the world close, flights become grounded, and witnessing a global pandemic unfold whilst in a foreign country—I remember thinking at the beginning how unfathomable the scale of it was. When people talk about things not seeming real or like it’s a dream you can’t wake up from, that’s exactly how it felt. I questioned whether I needed to go back to the U.S. in fear I might not see my family for years or be with them if they got fatally ill. Would I be able to even go back if that happened let alone would I be able to re-enter AU (the answer was no). And thank god I didn’t go back considering the absolute cluster fuck of a mess Trump made of the pandemic. But also, thank god my family has been healthy and safe. The level of fear for their safety was at an all-time high as civil tensions grew when the riots around the country kicked off in conjunction with the pandemic. I wrote to all of them to have a plan to escape to Mexico and get their passports if Trump won the re-election. This was a genuine fear I’ve never experienced before.

The level of frustration, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, self-hatred for lack of productivity during lockdown, and uncertainty about so many facets of life weighed down on me during this time. But I know how much worse our time could have been. I was immensely grateful for the fact that we had a home and incredibly gracious landlords who were human and understood the financial difficulties of this unprecedented time when so many became homeless as job loss skyrocketed. We were so fortunate that I was able to continue working even 2 days a week through the lockdown as a barista and Cam was able to get government support for six months as a NZ citizen who lived in AU over 10 years when so many other New Zealanders were forced to return to their country because of the time limit stipulation for support. We only had two family members contract Covid and were young and healthy enough to survive when so many families will be without a member at the holidays this year.

And I acknowledge my privilege in that my identity is so closely entwined with the ability to travel, that while it felt suffocating to not even have the choice to travel anywhere outside of a 5km (3mile) zone, I fully empathize with those in parts of the world where they could not walk more than 50 meters from their front door or people who didn’t have windows/balconies in apartment buildings who were going out of their mind. All of that does not diminish the struggles I faced with not being able to travel, but it does always keep my perspective in check. My trip today signifies how a city and a country came together during the most difficult period of our lifetime, followed strict government guidelines, and came out after 120+ days in full lockdown on the other side of a pandemic, now able to cross state borders without isolation or quarantine. To go to a live music show,  have drinks on rooftop bars, walk around outside without a mask on, and see people going about their daily lives again on public transport and see a city bustling with energy—the months of mental hardship and growth was all to get back to a post-Covid world. Even though a vaccine is not out yet and we need to be cautious, the level of hopelessness has diminished significantly, and I’m not terrified my trip might be cancelled in two hours. I’m actually going this time!

There is also a whole other facet to my time in lockdown and that of course is the personal development and mutual growth in my marriage! That’s a whole separate post though which I hope to get out soonish. But here’s a bit of something I started a few months ago. Enjoy.

 ********

I remember when it first started in the news; like a minor blip of a story flashing at the bottom of the screen: some mutant virus had infected a couple dozen people in some random city in China. I was working solo in a café serving the employees of a major shoe distribution company in the warehouse district of Collingwood, Melbourne. The TV was on in the cafe but muted the first few weeks of January as the main stories were about the most devastating wildfires in the history of the world, and we all just felt a communal helplessness. As the numbers grew in China and the story became a daily headline, the first case was announced in Queensland on January 25th. Everyone stuck around a few minutes longer each day after they were handed their coffee. I think back to the moment when Wuhan, the epicenter at the time, reported 1,500 cases and I thought surely there can’t be much more than that. This is just media sensationalizing something small. This whole story will blow over in another week or two.

If only.

It was summer in Australia, and my husband and I were planning what to do after our sublease was up in mid-March. I commuted daily from a suburb 50 minutes north called Eltham, a creative and eco-friendly heritage town. We lived in a triplex made of adobe mudbrick, surrounded by native forest, a communal garden, and enjoyed huge artisan windows that brought in natural filtered light through the towering trees. Our little studio was a quiet haven away from the chaos and constant flurry of people in Melbourne, especially during summer as it brought travelers from every corner of the globe. There was no way we could have possibly known that this little paradise would feel like a prison after six months in the world’s longest lockdown due to a global pandemic caused by that little virus in some random city in China now known worldwide as COVID-19.

As the weeks passed by in February, more and more countries began reporting cases. I did not understand how pandemics worked as the last one I was alive for and could remember was H1N1 in California, and I was about 17—far too consumed with college applications and boys to think about world affairs. The Spanish Flu was never something that was particularly emphasized in our history classes, so it didn’t even occur to me to compare what was happening now to that point in time. Then again, this was incomparable because in 1912, the world was a less globalized economy and there were no commercial flights transporting thousands of passengers across the globe daily. By the first week of March, my daily rush-hour commutes became the first real difference I noticed. The number of morning passengers on the train platforms dwindled from 50 to 25 to 5, and eventually, to just me. As the train stopped at over 30 stops from where I lived to the city, my carriage wasn’t even remotely full at 7 a.m.

There was less foot traffic in the city. Flinders Street Station, one of the two largest hubs that saw thousands of people daily, was eerily quiet and empty. We were two weeks out from leaving Melbourne to go travel, planning to go to New South Wales, AU to help rebuild communities that were ravaged by the bushfires. I was desperate to travel this year, and we were so close to leaving. I had picked up some other barista work in an advertising agency closer to the city. But day by day, office workers were being told to work from home if they were able to. Hand sanitizer became readily available in the café, bathrooms, and around the office. I remember staring out the window of this high rise building that overlooked the lush green stretch of Albert Park and thinking it looks so normal outside. Every day, I looked at the news in Australia, which I had never really done before. Industries were shutting down, and the panic was setting in for thousands of casual workers in the hospitality industry as it was only a matter of time before we would be shut down too.

Melbourne is a cultural hub filled with travelers who typically come here on a Work and Holiday Visa which gives them 1-2 years to work and live in AU. Most find work in hospitality as there are over 40,000 restaurants and cafes in this region. You couldn’t go a single day without meeting someone from another country which is why I fell in love with this city. I worked as a freelance barista through agencies that called for workers to be able to step in if someone called out sick or quit unexpectedly and they found themselves short. But my agencies had gone completely silent in the week leading up to the industry shutting down. There was no more work and travelers were finding themselves stranded. I journaled daily in the lead up to my final day of work in the city as I knew something big was happening, and I wanted to be able to recall when it all began. I also knew we would not be travelling anytime soon, around Australia or otherwise, when national and international borders began closing around the world.

 March 17th, 2020

All that’s being talked about is COVID-19. Entire countries are closing borders and going into complete lockdown. Italy has been inundated with patients in hospitals and now have to choose who lives and who dies. AU isn’t taking nearly as intense of measures, but the general atmosphere is not normal. All events with over 500 people have been cancelled. Those who have traveled anywhere must self-quarantine for 14 days or face a huge fine. Some people still don’t take it seriously, thinking/acting like it’s just a normal flu when in reality its ability to be passed on and even re-infect someone a second time is much higher than the rate of a simple flu. In the states, my family says all the restaurants and schools have closed, even the Hollywood entertainment industry has closed down. So many independent contractors, myself included, are without means to live because there’s no emergency government funding in place. It shows what’s truly flawed with the system. Luckily Cam has full time work still, but for those people who have kids and no daycare options? No partner or family? Those who are traveling and can’t get back home? This is devastating for all of us, but them in particular. Supposedly, there are rumors that the virus dies with the warm weather, but AU is headed into winter. It could be why the virus isn’t as big in places like South America and Africa (*note* countries from these two continents are now in the top 10 most infected places as of September 2020) Europe is completely shut down as is New Zealand. I have flights to California in June, so I’m hoping I can still go. For how weak my immune system is, I’m surprised I’m not more concerned because I’ve been continuously reassured the virus only attacks those with underlying conditions, mainly in the elderly population. Even in calm, tight-knitted communities like ours in Eltham, we’re seeing the best and worst of humanity come out with people hoarding resources, but also there are those offering rides for people to stores or grocery drop offs to their homes. I’m very interested to see how the next three months progress all around the world. Right about now, it’d be nice to hide away in a beachside house in Mexico. (*Mexico is also among the top 10 most infected countries now*)

March18th, 2020

The government should announce today whether hospitality industry will close, potentially putting Cam and I both out of jobs. Luckily our landlord is being highly accommodating. Trump is giving Americans $1,200 and has postponed tax season by 3 months. Only seems he does something decent when it’s to keep the economy from tanking and his money is protected.

Cam and I both have throat annoyances and headaches. We should try to stay home, but can’t afford it. Today, they’ve dropped gatherings of 500 down to only 100 people, yet shopping centers and public transport remain open, which I would think are the riskiest places for transferring infections. It’s been stated this is a once in a decade event that will change the course of history.

 March 19th, 2020

Amidst all the chaos from morning to night, people are finally taking time to nurture their interests and creativity. I’m taking two courses on sustainable fashion and fashion in design. I’ve also applied to be a mentor for women trying to gain work and leadership experience at an NGO called Fitted for Work. They have stylists that help women to prepare business outfits and tailor their resumes/do mock interviews. I’ve looked into an MA program I’m interested in at Warren Wilson College back in North Carolina. I think looking forward is the only way to keep the fear down about how long these shut downs may last possibly through June. The world economy is going to see some extremely confronting realities it hasn’t seen since the Great Depression. For the moment I’m looking into teaching English online which I’m already certified to do, just to try and earn some money. I’ll be interested to see all the art that comes out of this period and the photojournalism that captures this historic time.

 March 21st, 2020

We went over to Williamstown (Cam’s parent’s house) as Cam had two shifts out that way. Restrictions in cafes are now 1 person per 4 square meters, so in the 100 person limit already imposed, it’s now down to 25. I’m nervous for Cam to keep working and going on public transport. It’s high risk and unethical in terms of coming in contact with people we could transmit it to without knowing (asymptomatic) because it takes 14 days to even show symptoms. We made the choice to start self-isolation come Monday as we can see in the next week or two the same spike will be here in Melbourne as we’ve seen in Italy and most likely soon to see in the U.S. Reading other peoples’ accounts about how they continued life as normal as though nothing had changed in Italy is exactly where AU is projected to head towards.

 March 25, 2020

As of Monday, AU took drastic measures to ensure safety and closed many non-essential businesses with a series of daily updates for more and more businesses to shut or only stay open for takeaway. Overnight, nearly 80,000 people in hospitality work were laid off or lost work, Cam and I included. A stimulus package of 66 billion dollars was announced and Cam qualified for government payments through Centrelink because he’s a kiwi who’s been here over 10 years. Other kiwis who haven’t been here that long are completely without any kind of support from the AU government, even though in NZ, Aussies are supported. A very backward, selfish system who told them to go home.

We went to Centrelink on Monday at 7:45am in Greensborough (suburb over from Eltham). By 8:30 am when the doors opened there were over 200 people in line. The government has been terribly confusing with their messages out to the public, highly unprepared. People are confused about what they can and can’t do, what businesses are remaining open, who is eligible… it’s a mess. Why are liquor stores and hair salons considered essential?? There have been spikes in young people getting this virus as young as 18, and they are dying. The virus coats your lungs like a jelly ultimately blocking oxygen. We did what is hopefully our last grocery shop because being in the store is just as contagious as a café. There’s no safety or hygiene measures in place. We had gloves on and people were dancing around each other in the aisles to maintain 1.5m social distance.

The U.S. is becoming the new epicenter with horrific rapid spreading, particularly in New York. Flight around the world, including as of today AU, are being stopped and we can no longer leave the country at all.

  To Be Continued…..

[justkarliekloss]

Supermodel Karlie Kloss on How Pregnancy Has Affected Her Routines

“I normally love running but I have to say I’m out of breath these days just talking or going up a flight of stairs.”

Karlie Kloss says that the last thing she thinks about before she goes to bed is coffee, and these days she’s living for her cup of decaf in the morning. In mid-November, the supermodel, 28, confirmed she and her husband Joshua Kushner, 35, are expecting their first child together. Other than her caffeine routine, she says pregnancy has made waking up a little harder.

“I think I could sleep in until three in the afternoon,” she says.

It’s most likely not an option for her. Kloss’s days are filled with back-to-back Zoom meetings, Instagram Live streams for her first collection with Adidas and filming episodes for her YouTube channel, Klossy—all from her current home in Miami. In addition to modeling, Kloss runs Kode With Klossy, a free coding camp for teenage girls; hosts Bravo’s Project Runway; and has invested in companies including Apparis, Mirror and StockX. She’s a spokesperson for brands including Carolina Herrera and Estée Lauder, and in August, she led an investor group that acquired W magazine in partnership with Bustle Media Group. Here, she tells WSJ. about her first board meeting (virtual, of course) for W, her “simple” beauty routine and favorite smoothie recipe and why Sundays for her are a lot like Mondays.

What time do you wake up on Mondays, and what’s the first thing you do?

I normally am up at 6:30, 7, but I feel like these days, more into winter, I’m hitting the snooze button more and more. I like to get my workout in first thing in the morning, so I almost force myself to get out of bed and put on my leggings, my sneakers and my sports bra. I brush my teeth and go straight to my workout, which, by the way, is like the shortest commute of all time now that it’s basically just my Zoom workouts.

Do you have any go-to classes?

I’ve been loving Tracy Anderson workouts because you can do them anywhere. I have my little ankle weights, whether I’m in New York or my parents’ house or down in Miami. [The workouts are] full body weight workouts. And then I’ve really gotten more into yoga. I normally love running but I have to say I’m out of breath these days just talking or going up a flight of stairs. Being pregnant has put a little bit of a damper on my running routine but I still have been trying to stay active no matter what, going for lots of long walks.

Do you have a favorite breakfast for starting the week off right?

I really love doing a smoothie to pack in all the nutrients: frozen blueberries, frozen spinach, almond milk, a bunch of maca and ashwagandha and all these things that I can’t really pronounce.

What’s your vitamin routine like?

I take this really great prenatal called Ritual. And Seed probiotics. That’s kind of it.

Do you set aside a specific time to brainstorm or reflect during the week?

I feel like Monday through Fridays are crazy, so Saturdays are the day when I’m fully offline. I step away from my computer, my phone. I’m present and disconnected from virtual life. I feel like the week really starts on Sunday. It’s when I take a minute to look back at the week prior, make sure that I’ve gotten back to everyone I need to, closing any loops and then looking ahead to the week to come: prepping with materials or communications, reading that needs to happen. Sunday is my day to get ahead on life.

What’s your beauty routine like these days?

It’s more on the simple side. I guess it’s because, my fifteen years working as a model, I’ve always been the blank canvas for the artists to create these looks. I’ve always been so much more focused on taking care of myself from the inside out. At night, my routine is cleansing, toning, using a serum and then a cream and an under-the-eye cream. In the morning...I slap on a serum and a light cream. I [like] a light concealer, I like to fill in the brow with an eyebrow pencil. Maybe a little bit of cream blush and a lip liner and then that’s it.

Is there anything about your beauty routine or diet that’s out of the ordinary?

I’ve always had bizarre cravings, so it’s kind of nothing new, but I’ve really been loving everything salty and crunchy.

Do you have a best time management or efficiency hack?

In a weird way, I feel like I’ve been able to become much better with my time management [during the pandemic]. I feel more productive and more involved than before, [not] being on an airplane and in transit all the time. Today, I did an Instagram Live for Adidas with Alexis [Williams], this amazing [Kode With Klossy] scholar who was in the campaign with me. Then I went straight to a board meeting, we had our first ever W board meeting. This year, we acquired W magazine in the middle of a virtual world which has been an amazing endeavor.

And then I had a quick 20 minutes to go pee and grab lunch and then race back. And then we have a big Kode With Klossy presentation this afternoon. It’s been really interesting and exciting to see the innovative ways for us all to communicate or [for] brands to reach people. This past summer, Kode With Klossy went virtual for the first time ever. For the past five years, we’ve run in-person summer camps across the country… [but] by going virtual, we were able to scale in a whole new way. We had students from 20 countries around the world, so it allowed us to grow in an unprecedented way.

What’s your media diet like?

I love The Wall Street Journal. I get a lot of my news from newsletters and I love listening to podcasts. I scroll through Instagram and Twitter but I also limit myself; otherwise, I go down rabbit holes. But in the morning first thing, especially on a Monday, I read through all my newsletters and make sure I get abreast of what’s going on. I love the W magazine newsletter, a Wall Street Journal newsletter, a Washington Post newsletter and a New York Times newsletter.

What’s your involvement at W like?

It’s so exciting to be involved on the other side of a publication like W. My entire career I’ve been on more the editorial side, so [now I’m] more on the strategy and supporting the creative team. Sara Moonves is an incredible editor-in-chief, but also what I get excited about is thinking about the opportunity that exists to continue to evolve where fashion and media are going, building out new revenue streams.

What do you look for when you’re deciding whether to make an investment?

I’ve invested in quite a few startups over the past years. I really love to support female-founded businesses.... I have quite a little portfolio at this point, in my heart I’m very entrepreneurial.

When it comes to life post-baby, are there other supermodel moms who you look up to in the industry?

Where to begin? Christy Turlington [Burns] has been a role model and mentor of mine. She is somebody who I feel really lucky to have to look to for guidance and advice. Her work with Every Mother Counts is one of the reasons why early on in my career I realized the opportunity to make the most of having the platform. And as a mom, I think she’s just the coolest. Cindy Crawford is an incredible supermom as well. Natalia Vodianova, I mean, she has five kids. I still to this day don’t understand how she does it. I’m really excited for all of my friends who are entering this next chapter of life at this time too, so excited for some new mom groups.

What’s one piece of advice you’ve gotten that’s guided you?

I keep a running list of notes on my phone and computer. There’s this one that I love: “Success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success.” That is a quote that I love.