#so I get to worry about that tonight and tomorrow
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CHAPTER ONE: The Businessman.
kento nanami x fem!reader. nsfw.
your first night at Tsukumo's Angels, and you get put on the phone sex line.
masterlist. read on ao3
You sit on a peeling leather couch that sticks to the back of your thighs in the heat. An old metal-blade fan sits mounted on the wall to your left, but it’s a sorry excuse for one—someone blowing on you would quicker dry the sweat from your brow. It’s not as dingy as Toji’s apartment, which you suppose is an upside: things are looking brighter already. Yay.
The beautiful woman sitting across from you in a small black tank and jeans—in this weather—taps her nails against the surface of her desk. Her blonde hair gates her vision a little, but you can still feel the sharpness of her gaze on your skin. She’s sizing you up. You aren’t sure if you like it.
“So,” she leans back in her seat. “Your name was..?”
You look up at her, at the way her hands are clasped together. She could look down at the faded resumé in front of her and see your name written as clear as day, but she asks you instead. Maybe to hear it from your own lips.
You tell her your name, and she parrots it back to you to test it on her tongue. She decides that she likes the taste. “I’m Yuki Tsukumo. I own Tsukumo’s Angels, the finest budget escort service in the city.”
You knew that, of course, but you nod as a formality regardless. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Yuki smiles at you—wide and toothy and ever so beautiful. She reaches into her drawer and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a drag. She blows her smoke to the left and you almost forget just how hot it is in her office. “I hear you’d like a job?”
You’re going to hell. Every late-night-TV preacher and grandmother in the congregation would tell you the same thing. It’s not just what you’re doing—it’s what you’re thinking, what you’re willing to become to make it out of this.
When you were younger, stupider, you’d fear hell like nothing else. Eternal heat, endless suffering, a constant lack of breath, a pit with no end. Now, you’re starting to think it might feel a lot like this city at night: oppressive heat rising from the pavement, the air thick and stifling, and an unshakable sense that something, or someone, is watching you.
Toji used to call the nightlife a cancer. And although he rarely managed the truth, this might have been one of the rare times it slipped past his lips. You tug at the hem of your dress—a little too tight, a little too short. It’s what you had to work with, cobbled together from a half-hearted thrift store run and whatever nerve you could muster.Yuki didn’t say anything about a dress code, and maybe you’re stereotyping yourself here, but you’re out of your element and this dress is short enough to strip the attention from your fidgeting hands.
The fluorescent lights outside Tsukumo’s Angels buzz faintly as you approach, the words glowing in neon pink that is reflected in the puddles on the concrete. The heavy metal door creaks loudly when you push it open and step in. 7 on the dot. You’ll be here tonight, so you don’t have to worry about finding a place to live until tomorrow. Don’t think about it.
Inside, the air is cooler, though not by much. The same peeling leather couch greets you, as does the same faint smell of smoke and something cheap, floral, and over-applied. Yuki isn’t at the desk this time, but a tall man in a plain white button-up leans against it, his arms crossed. He’s an attractive man, a cigarette hangs from his lips—you’re starting to see a trend in staff here.
“You the lamb?” He asks, though the way he looks you up and down tells you he already has an answer to that question.
“Lamb?” you ask.
He smiles, moustached lip curling upwards in something mocking and dangerously sultry. “Yeah, you’re the lamb—” he extends a hand for you to shake “—Shiu.”
Shiu has a rough grip, you note. Not mean or calloused like you’d expect from a man of physical labours, but just… rough. “It’s nice to meet you,” you hum. He laughs.
He takes another drag from his cigarette, the ember glowing brighter in the dim light, and looks you over once more before flicking the ash into an already overflowing tray on the desk. He blows a plume of smoke toward the ceiling, eyes narrowing slightly as the smoke curls. “You look familiar. I’ve seen you here before?”
You shake your head. “You haven’t.”
Shiu narrows his eyes even further, takes in the way your dress clings tight, how your frame stands in front of him. Your nerves… the tinge of excitement beneath them. “Have we..?”
“No!” your eyes widen, voice a little louder than you intend it to be. “Sorry. I just got out of a relationship so… no, we haven’t…”
“A breakup, huh? That’s always an interesting reason to land somewhere like this.” His voice lowers. He’s toying with you. “What’d he do? Not give you enough attention? Leave you out in the cold?”
You don’t owe him an explanation: you’re here and that’s all that matters, but you find yourself shrugging regardless. “Something like that.”
Shiu smiles, something teasing but not quite mocking. “Right, well if you’re here as a rebound I’d advise you to walk your ass right back out of that door. You’ll get attention here, for sure, but this isn’t the place for… soft comforts.”
“I’m not here for comfort.”
“Good,” says Shiu. “Keep it that way. You’re here to provide a service, an experience, but not without boundaries. Those lines blur when you start wanting cuddles and reassurance after, and when the lines blur you aren’t doing everything in your power to keep yourself safe. These men—and women—pay for sex for a reason. Remember that.”
You know. You know. There’s nothing warm and fuzzy about being an Angel, or a lamb, as he puts it. Still, you want to make the most of the hole you’re in. You narrow your eyes at Shiu and hope he doesn’t chide you for changing the subject when you ask: “and what about you? Are you—”
“For sale?” A door behind Shiu pushes open and in walks Yuki Tsukumo. She’s ditched the jeans from yesterday for a long black dress: one that hugs her figure and flows like liquid down to her ankles. She looks taller, and a whole lot cleaner than the gritty lobby you stand in. “Give me a good offer and I’ll rent him out to you. Shiu is security, he’ll take care of you if and when you need him to.”
Shiu scoffs at Yuki’s joke and takes a step to the left so that she can slot in next to him. Yuki, your boss, looks you up and down. You catch the way her gaze lingers on your dress, though you can’t tell if it’s judgement or approval behind her lashes. She flits her gaze to Shiu. “Are you trying to scare my lamb away, Kong?”
Shiu shrugs. “I haven’t decided yet.”
Yuki rolls her eyes and lands her gaze on you once again. Seeing you so out of your element, she gives you a soft smile to try and ease your nerves. “You’ll be okay here. I showed you my office yesterday, I’ll be in there if you need me at any time, okay? You’re never more than a few steps from security and if you have issues with anyone, co-worker or client, you can come to me.”
Weirdly, that does soothe you. Though your moment to take a breath quickly passes when Yuki straightens up and turns on her heels with only a nod for you to follow. “Come then.”
The door she came from leads down a long hallway with dim fluorescent lights flickering overhead. The walls are bare, the paint chipped in spots, revealing patches of old wallpaper beneath. Yuki doesn’t wait for you to catch up; her heels click with purpose on the tiled floor, echoing through the narrow space. You’re almost at the end of the hall before she speaks again, her tone matter-of-fact. “I’m not going to throw you in the deep end, but you’re not getting a soft landing either. I’ll introduce you to one of my angels, Utahime, and she’s going to walk you through our phone sex services. Sound good?”
Without waiting for a reply, Yuki steps through another door and leads you into a big lounge area. Against the back wall are a bunch of mirrors and vanity stations, makeup and hygiene products littered over each tabletop. A few girls in even fewer clothing sit and do their hair and makeup, chatting amongst themselves and shooting you soft smiles as you and Yuki walk past.
Your boss steps over to a cream chaise lounge against another wall where a girl around your age lays splayed across the cushioning. She’s wearing a dress like yours, short and black and very ‘sex-sells’, and is tapping away on her phone with such rapt attention she doesn’t notice the two of you approach until Yuki clears her throat.
“Utahime,” she drawls and gestures to you. “This is our newest lamb. I’d like you to walk her through our phone services tonight. Doable?”
The girl—Utahime—looks you over. She looks a little bored, gorgeous black hair falling over her shoulders and her nails still tapping absentmindedly against her phone screen. Her perfectly arched brow raises, just slightly, before she finally glances at Yuki.
“Doable,” she says with a lazy shrug. “I have the businessman booked in for a call in half an hour… maybe he’d like a session with the new girl?”
You look at Yuki, who looks at you in the same breath. She seems to think about something before ultimately nodding. “If you can get her up to speed before he calls, let her have a go with him.”
“The businessman?” You ask.
Yuki smiles. “He’s a hard worked man, but he’s so unfamiliar with his sex drive that you’d think he was a priest. He might actually benefit from talking to someone new.”
You nod—sex therapy for a businessman couldn’t be that hard. Utahime stands and adjusts her dress before grabbing your wrist and parting from Yuki to pull you across the lounge and into a room off to the side. Utahime’s grip on your wrist is firm but not unkind, and loosens once youre in what she introduces to you as the studio.
It’s so much nicer than you expected. The room is decently sized and lit up with warm fairy lights. Almost like a recording studio, there are doors to a few booths across the wall, each one decorated to the nines with pillows and blankets and a station for water and personal items. A few low tables hold candles, fake or otherwise, alongside a small black box of… what you imagine might be toys. A plush little sofa sits in each one too, for comfort.
“Nice, right?” Utahime hums and gently pushes you into one of the booths. “Everything’s designed to make you more comfortable. Clients pick up on that, even over the phone. It’s all sound-proofed in here too, so if you get into it you can be as loud as you want. Seriously, make it yours. You’ll be in here a lot until you start taking in-person clients.”
Utahime sits down on the floor and tosses a pillow in your direction. You startle a little but look at her with a knowing smile at her efforts to start feeling familiar. “So,” you start, sitting down on the plush sofa and toying with the small headset that hangs from the armrest. “The businessman… tell me about him?”
Utahime leans back against the wall and props her chin in her hand. “The businessmaaaan. He’s sweet. He’s only called in once before, spoke to me but got too nervous to do anything more than talk about his day. He was polite—apologised about ten times for wasting my time, which, by the way, he wasn’t. He’s got this earnestness about him that’s kind of rare. But you can tell he’s not used to this kind of thing. Not even close. It’s… cute.”
You look at her, a soft smile crosses her lips. If it wasn’t just work you’d think she had a soft spot for him. “Do you think he’ll mind talking to me instead of you? Changing things up might make him feel even more nervous.”
Utahime shakes her head. “I think he’ll appreciate someone who’s also new to this. You can learn from each other. He’s booked to call in twenty minutes. We could do some practice calls until then? I’ll show you the ropes.”
She puts her hand up to her ear to simulate a phone and you laugh at the gesture. “Sounds good.”
Meanwhile, in his small apartment bedroom, Kento Nanami—the businessman—paces from door to dresser. Back and forth, back and forth. He tightens his tie, and then loosens it just to feel unmade and tighten it again.
Why did he book a second call? The first was ridiculous, he talked to a nice young lady about officework woes and quarterly reports and hung up after an hour with a call-girl sized dent in his wallet and no sexual relief to show for it. He’s of half a mind to walk over to his mirror and start practicing lines, but he hasn’t yet lost so much of his decorum.
For the next ten minutes, Nanami sits with his fingers drumming over his thighs, dull thuds against his slacks. He’s lost in his mind, is he even aroused? Capable of being aroused? He can’t remember the last time he jerked off—last month?
He’s two minutes late to call by the time he next checks his phone. “Shit,” he mumbles, fumbling to the contact saved under ‘Personal Services.’ Nanami stares at the screen for a moment, his thumb hovering over the call button. He clears his throat, adjusts his posture, and exhales sharply through his nose before pressing ‘CALL’.
The line rings, once… twice… and then— “Tsukumo’s Angels, what’s on your mind?”
His breath hitches. He shouldn’t freeze like this, but the poor man simply cannot help it. “Good evening,” he sounds clinical, and his mind is working faster than his mouth because he’s talking before he can register the words that leave his lips. “You… aren’t who I talked to last week.”
“I’m not,” the voice says, Nanami picks up on an edge of unsurety that traces your words. “You’ve caught me on my first night… you could get to know me, if you’d like to.”
Nanami nods, and then realises you can’t see him. “I’d, uh, I’d like that.”’
There’s a soft hum of acknowledgement from your side of the call, and Kento stops feeling the need to toy with his tie. “Great,” you say, your voice steadying a little. “So… why don’t we start with something easy? Tell me a bit about yourself.”
Nanami hesitates. “There’s not much to tell. I work in finance. My days are… predictable, for the most part.”
“Predictability isn’t always a bad thing,” you reply gently. “But I get the feeling you aren’t fulfilled.”
"You could say that. It’s a practical job. It pays the bills." He pauses, then adds, almost reluctantly, "though I think I’d like a vacation.”
From your spot on the sofa at Tsukumo’s Angels, you lean back and glance at the door. Utahime had stepped out a few minutes ago, giving you space to settle into your first call. “Are you a beach man or a mountain man?”
“Beach,” his reply is immediate. He clears his throat. “There’s something calming about the ocean. The sound of the waves, the salt in the air… it’s grounding.”
You smile at the vivid image his words paint. “I get that. The ocean feels endless in a way that’s comforting, doesn’t it? Like it can hold all your worries for a while.”
“Yes. Exactly that. I’d read, listen to the water, just exist.”
“What does a man like you read?”
“Anything classic. I like things tried-and-true, change is… difficult for me. Hemingway maybe. Or Murakami, if I’m in the right mood.”
“Tasteful,” you reply. “And if I were there on the beach with you, could I distract you from your book, or are you diligent in your focus?”
In his room, Nanami’s mouth goes dry as his cock twitches in his slacks. You haven’t even said anything lewd, but he’s feeling oddly restless nonetheless. “I like to think I’m a focused man,” he starts, shuffling back on his bed to rest against the headboard. He takes his glasses off and rests them on the bedside table. “But under the right circumstances, I could be persuaded to set the book down.”
“Careful, businessman, I could take that as a challenge.”
“I’d hope so.”
He’s blushing at his own words and, in the same breath, reaching downwards with his free hand to palm as his hardening cock. He takes a sharp breath in and prays to every god he’s ever read about that you didn’t hear him.
“You’re saying I’d have to earn your attention?” Your question is honeyed.
“I suppose,” so is his reply.
“Good, I like working for my meals.”
Nanami snorts— “what, you’re going to eat me?”
“Yes,” your voice makes his cock jump. He sighs and pulls his slacks down enough to hook it out. “Have you ever wanted something so bad that you’d consume it whole if you could?”
Nanami thinks for a moment about a promotion, and then shakes his head. His mind jumps instead to the hypothetical beach retreat, with a book in one hand and the back of your head in his other as he pushes your mouth down on his cock so deep you’re gagging and drooling all over the place. Ungentlemanly, but enough of a visual to incite his tip to start drooling precum. He smears it over the head with his thumb, and nearly chokes on his words. “I have.”
“That’s how I feel. There’s an intimacy to taking care of someone, especially when they’re stressed like you. I bet your muscles are so tight they’d be hard under my hands. Being the one to relax you, make you feel good? That’d make me feel good.”
Nanami hums. “Usually I’m the one doing the servicing.”
“I don’t doubt that. You should be the one being taken care of. Poor thing, working so hard every day: carrying all that weight on your shoulders. You deserve a break.”
Poor Kento moans at that—a break. God, the things he’d do for a break. He feels almost pathetic pumping his cock to the thought of reprieve from the monotonous 9-5 he lives, but he hasn’t felt this good in a long time. His breathing grows heavier as your words coil around him. “You’re… ha, you’re good at this. It’s your first day?”
“Don’t distract me,” you hum. “Tell me what you’re thinking about.”
“You,” he exhales. “Your eyes. Looking up at me. Or your hands on my thighs. How you’d touch me like you know me. Like we know each other. Like we’ve done it a hundred times before and still aren’t sick of each other.”
He doesn’t know why he says that, why his fantasy quickly shifts from a beachside blowjob to the domestic life. To lazy morning sex or late nights in the kitchen that turn from snack runs to you hoisted onto the counter with his head between your thighs. He pictures you, whatever you look like, laughing as he kisses your neck and brings home gifts carved out of his paycheck. He pictures a life shared, and feels awful for it.
“Sorry,” his strokes falter. “Sorry I don’t know why—”
“I like that thought,” you stop him from spiralling. “Maybe we have. Maybe in another life you’d come home to me every night, waiting for you… ready to make you forget about everything but the way you make me feel.”
His chest heaves as his hand works faster, stroking his cock at a near brutal pace to the images you plant into his mind. You’re in his bed, you’re bent over his desk, you’re lazing on the sofa with him, you’re up against the wall in his shower. “Fuck.”
“I’d know you inside and out,” you continue on, and he swears he can hear a slight hitch to your breath—are you touching yourself? He pictures phone sex operators sitting bored at a desk as they read from a script. But you sound…invested. Heated. “I’d know exactly how to take care of you. You’d come home exhausted and I’d make it all better—god, you’d know all of me too.”
Nanami’s hips jerk up into his hand as he feels his release start to build. It’s already dizzying, after such a long dry spell, and his head tips forward in want.“You’re—ha—too good at this. How the hell… how are you—”
“Shh,” you soothe him. “Don’t think. Just feel, just let me take care of you… even from here. You’re touching yourself, yea? Imagine it’s my hand, stroking you after a long day, love. Or maybe I’m riding you, letting you lay back and feel me around you… you wouldn’t have to do a damn thing.”
His free hand fists the sheets as he imagines the warmth of your body pressing against his, the way your nails might scrape lightly over his skin. He pictures your head tilted back, lips parted in ecstasy as you moan his name over and over again.
“You’re driving me fucking insane,” he rarely curses like this. Still, he’s never indulged in something like this before—never let himself slip into the raw, visceral need he now feels. The restraint he’s so practiced in every aspect of his life is dissolving fast, leaving him chasing the pleasure you’re pouring into him.
“Good,” you hum. “I want you to let go for me, give me everything you have all pent up. I can take it.”
Nanami’s pace turns frantic, hips fucking up into his fist as he strokes himself at a torrid pace. His mind is hazed with fantasies of a simple life, domestic and passionate and before he can stop himself and force a few more minutes of pleasure he’s cumming—hard. A strangled moan, one made for porn, leaves his lips and is met with a sharp intake of breath from your end. Nanami feels self conscious for a moment, drawing his now-sticky hand from his cock as he listens to the phone—were you uncomfortable?
Far from. You hardly realise you have your dress hiked and your hand under the fabric of your panties until you’re timing your orgasm with the businessman on the other end of the call. This is far from protocol, but the last time you’ve been spoken to about making love was when you and Toji first started dating, when he was still sweet on you. Sex since then has been rough and passionate and bruising and great, but never love-making.
You try and stifle your sounds, not knowing yet if it's appropriate for you to touch yourself alongside your clients. You hadn’t intended on it, that’s for sure. You blink the blur from your vision as you try and regain your composure, sliding your hand out of your panties and holding it up in front of you—your fingers glisten under the soft lights and you scramble for a tissue to clean yourself off.
The silence on the phone between you isn’t uncomfortable, but it’s charged. “Are you… okay?”
“Yes,” you breathe out a lot quicker than you need to.
“Good,” he says, and you can almost hear the faint smile in his tone. “I was worried I’d—well, that I’d crossed a line.”
You shake your head, even though he can’t see it, pressing your lips together to stop yourself from blurting out how very far from uncomfortable you’d been. “Not at all. I guess we both… just got caught up in the moment.”
He hums in agreement, his voice still a little strained, and something about the lilt of his voice lays deep inside of you. Maybe this line of work isn’t for you if… after one call with a man you don’t know otherwise, you’re already starting to feel open with him. When he speaks, you can hear the nerves lacing his words. “I’m not unhappy it happened.”
“Me neither. You’re full of surprises, Mr. Businessman.”
“You have a way of coaxing them out of me,” he replies. “If I call again, will I get to speak to you?”
It’s a simple question, yet it still implies something more. There’s no rule against it—not officially—but getting closer than needed with clients has already been explained to you as a messy line. Still, you’ve just fucked your fingers to his voice and the fantasies he spoke of—you aren’t in a habit of keeping straight edges.
“Maybe,” you reply, leaving the door open just enough. “Ask for the lamb.”
“The lamb?” He laughs, you like the sound. “I’ll remember that.”
“Please do.”
There's a moment of silence, and you can see Utahime’s shadow in the frosted window on the door. A quick glance to the clock tells you that an hour has passed already. As if sensing your coming end, the businessman speaks. “My time is almost up. Take care of yourself.”
You stare at the door. “You too, Mr Businessman.”
“Nanami,” he corrects you gently. “You can call me Nanami.”
The call ends with a soft click, leaving you sitting there and rpelaying his correction in your head. Nanami.
You’re so lost in thought that you barely register the door creaking open. Utahime steps in, and it’s only when her gaze drops to your lap that the realisation hits—your dress is still slightly rucked up, and your flustered attempt to straighten it comes a moment too late.
“Oh, lamb,” she drawls, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe. “Caught you, didn’t I?”
Your cheeks burn as you stammer, “It’s not—”
“Relax. It happens to everyone eventually.”
You gape at her, mortified. “This doesn’t happen to everyone.”
Utahime grins, her black hair falling over her shoulders as she dips her head down in laughter. It’s not teasing—moreso friendly. She’s trying to laugh with you, not at you. Though still embarrassed, you feel a little less like you want to melt into the couch as she continues. “And you know what that means?”
You tilt your head at her. “What does it mean?”
“That you’ll fit right in here, lamb.”
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my game, your rules. — ldh part three (FINAL)
‧˚⭒ pairing: lee donghyuck x afab reader 18+MDNI ‧˚⭒ genre: brothers best friend au! fake dating! friends to lovers! humor! fluff! angst! smut! adult life au! jenos sister! flirty hc! ‧˚⭒ word count: 11k+ ‧˚⭒ cw: the beginning part is mostly angst, sorry! smut towards the end. dirty talking, raw sex, choking, etc. drinking, mentions of jaehyun, dom hc. ‧˚⭒ summary: you’re fed up with your family constantly telling you how to live your life, but what would they think if you showed up with your brother’s best friend as your new boyfriend? even worse—what happens when you realize you’re actually falling for him?
‧˚⭒ a/n: thank you for the wait everyone! i realized due to my personal life being so busy sometimes, i’m prob better off sticking to long one shots lmao. sorry i had to end it short at three parts. i'll be working on another one shot soon, thank you to everyone who engaged with the series, enjoy! (ignore any grammatical errors if any)
previous
It was one thing to pretend to be with your brother’s best friend, and another to actually be with your brother’s best friend, but what do you call it when the best friend you’re fake dating starts to feel… real?
You guessed it was whatever complicated, undefined thing you had going on with Haechan right now.
It had been several nights since the first time you’d slept together, and somehow, it had slipped into your routine without much discussion. Every evening, he was there—waiting outside your job to pick you up, a sly grin on his face as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Days and nights repeated like clockwork, neither of you acknowledging the shift, as if naming it would make it too real. Instead, you both just… enjoyed it.
“Fine, we’ll talk about it in the morning.”
Your own words replayed in your mind endlessly, and you found yourself wishing they had been a promise instead of an empty phrase, left to dissolve into the early hours of the day.
Yet, even without a label, you couldn’t deny the effect he had on you. Your stress was melting away bit by bit, the weight of work no longer consuming you like it used to. For the first time in what felt like forever, you were beginning to understand the elusive concept of a work-life balance.
As you stood in front of the mirror, your gaze traveled over your reflection. Love bites peppered your skin, faint but impossible to ignore. Each one held a memory, moments you couldn’t help but replay in your head. You smiled softly, warmth spreading through you at the thought of him.
You missed him already.
“What’s taking so long?” Karina’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts, followed by a series of impatient knocks on the bathroom door.
“Sorry!” you called back, hurriedly finishing your last-minute outfit adjustments. “I’m coming out now!”
Tonight was girls night—a night you’d promised yourself would be nothing but fun, but as you opened the door and met Karina’s scrutinizing gaze, you couldn’t help but wonder how much of the night your thoughts would linger on Haechan.
“Impatient much?” you teased Karina as you slipped on your earrings.
“It’s been forever since it’s just been the two of us,” she said with a dramatic sigh. “I swear, I should sue Haechan for stealing you away from me.”
You laughed lightly, shaking your head. “No need to worry. Tomorrow’s the night he meets my family, and soon after, our ‘relationship’”—you emphasized with air quotes—“will officially be over. I get my peace, and they get to meet someone who isn’t you for once.”
Karina leaned against the doorframe, her sharp gaze raking over you like she was trying to read between the lines. “You’re not convincing me,” she said, raising a brow. “Do you think you can hide those marks? Please, you two are so deep in denial it’s almost painful to watch.”
Her words hit like a sucker punch, and you fumbled for a response. It had nothing to do with your best friend, but all with the fact that Haechan has been a bit distant today. You didn’t want to flood your thoughts with worry, but the intensity of your underlying feelings were too much to ignore. Instead of addressing the comment, you busied yourself with adjusting the strap on your heels, your eyes glued to the floor. “Like I said, it’ll be ending soon. Can we not talk about him right now?”
Karina frowned but didn’t push further, though her knowing expression didn’t go unnoticed.
Meanwhile, across town, Haechan sat on his couch, the glow of his phone illuminating his frustrated expression. He knew you were going out with Karina tonight—you’d told him—but something about it gnawed at him. He hadn’t responded to your last text, and even when he did, it took hours because every reply felt like walking a tightrope.
The thought of you at a club, surrounded by strangers, without him, it sent his mind spiraling. What if some guy tried something? Worse, what if you met someone—someone you actually liked—and decided to drop this whole fake relationship?
“Would that be cheating?” he muttered under his breath, running a hand through his hair. “Yes—no—shit.”
This wasn’t real. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself; every lingering glance, every stolen moment, and every kiss that left him breathless felt all too real. The weight of unspoken feelings hung between you both like a thread threatening to snap. He turned his phone off and on again, trying to distract himself, but the pull you had on him was intoxicating, inescapable.
Back at your apartment, Karina softened, rubbing your back in a gesture of comfort. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “It’s not my place to bring up your love life. Let’s just go have fun tonight, okay? Who knows, maybe we’ll both go home with someone new.”
Her attempt to lighten the mood made you smile despite yourself. “Yeah, let’s just have fun,” you echoed, grabbing your purse and heading for the door.
Even as you walked out with Karina, a small part of you wondered if Haechan was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him.
Meanwhile, Haechan logged online with Jeno, hoping a few rounds of gaming would help clear his mind. However, playing with your brother, of all people, might not have been the smartest way to distract himself.
“So, are you nervous about tomorrow night?” Jeno asked as they waited for the game to load.
“Not really,” Haechan replied honestly. “I’ve met your parents before. They’re nice people.”
Jeno adjusted his mic. “Yeah, but you’ve met them as my friend. You’ve never met them as my sister’s boyfriend. Not to mention, it’s the first time she’s bringing someone home.”
Haechan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the weight of Jeno’s words sinking in. The idea of meeting your parents in this new role suddenly felt a lot heavier than it had before.
He had pitched this whole fake dating idea to help you out, to make your life easier during a time when you needed it most. He’d told himself that was all it was. Deep down, he knew it wasn’t just that anymore. Somewhere along the way, the lies stopped feeling like lies.
The hand-holding wasn’t just for show. The playful teasing, the lingering touches, the way his chest tightened whenever you smiled at him—it had all become painfully real. With each passing day, the guilt of keeping this from Jeno gnawed at him more.
He thought back to one of the nights you’d slept over. You’d fallen asleep in his arms, your breathing soft and even, while he stayed awake, unable to tear his eyes away from you. His gaze had traced the curve of your cheek, the way your lashes fanned out against your skin. Without thinking, he’d leaned closer, pressing a ghost of a kiss to your hair.
This had become his new normal—holding you, being with you. Every time he thought about what came next, a deep ache settled in his chest. What if this all ended? What if he lost you?
“Hello? You good?” Jeno’s voice broke through his thoughts, dragging him back to the present.
“Yeah, my fault,” Haechan muttered, fumbling with his keyboard. “Um… yeah, I guess I am nervous— but you’ll be there too, so not much to worry about, right?”
“Exactly, bro,” Jeno said, his tone light. “You’ve got this. Now, focus up—I’m getting mobbed over here!”
Haechan managed a small laugh, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “On it,” he replied, diving into the game.
As the action picked up, his thoughts remained elsewhere. His grip tightened on the mouse, his chest heavy with the weight of his own emotions. This was going to be a long night.
Three shots in, and you were already feeling it. You’d never been one to hold your alcohol well. While you weren’t completely gone, you were definitely teetering on the edge of tipsy and drunk. The music thumped through the club, vibrating in your chest, and the dim lighting made it easy to lose yourself in the atmosphere.
“There’s my girl! Look at you having a good time!” Karina cheered, hyping you up as you squeezed the life out of a lemon wedge after your latest shot.
You coughed, shaking your head with a laugh. “I’m getting there, that’s for sure.”
Karina plopped down on the barstool beside you, resting her chin in her hand as she watched you with a fond expression. “Not to kill the buzz or anything, but do you think you’re ready to talk about what’s been weighing on you? I can tell you’ve got something on your chest, and you won’t fully let loose until you do.”
You hesitated, your eyes drifting to the crowd behind her. That’s when you spotted him—a man dressed clean and sharp, head to toe. His neatly parted black hair framed deep, unreadable eyes, and they were locked on you. Feeling a strange flutter of nerves, you quickly shook it off, turning back to Karina as you fidgeted with the rim of your shot glass.
“I guess it’s no secret that Haechan and I have been… kind of together? I don’t really know what to call it.” You sighed, glancing at her. “I mean, yeah, we’re supposed to be pretending, but lately, it’s felt a lot more serious. No matter how much we try to keep it casual, we just keep getting pulled toward each other— and sleeping together? That’s only made it worse.”
Karina’s brow arched slightly, but she stayed silent, letting you continue.
“I’m scared this is all Haechan wants,” you admitted, rubbing your temples. “What if I’m just something to pass the time? I’m too afraid to bring it up because if I’m wrong, and I read this all wrong… what then? What if I ruin everything, and he rejects me for real? That would be awkward as hell.”
Karina’s wide eyes softened, and she reached out to rub your back. “Wow. Yeah, that’s a lot to carry around. No wonder you’ve been so tense,” she said gently. “But listen, you’ve got to talk to him. Tell him exactly what you just told me. If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know you tried—and hey, this whole thing has already benefited you in some ways, right? Don’t feel guilty for walking away if that’s what you decide to do. You’re not actually together, so you don’t owe anyone anything. You can do what’s best for you.”
Her words brought some comfort, and you smiled at her, feeling a flicker of gratitude. Before you could respond, the bartender approached, placing a tall margarita with a cherry on top in front of you.
“A gentleman paid for your drink and the next few shots for you two,” he explained.
“What the hell…” Karina whispered, scanning the room with wide eyes.
Your gaze followed hers until it landed on the same man from earlier. He was making his way toward you now, a confident stride and a charming smile revealing deep dimples.
“Hello, ladies,” he greeted smoothly, his voice rich and warm.
“Well, hello, handsome,” Karina replied, nudging your leg under the bar as she batted her lashes.
His smile lingered, but his eyes moved to yours, the anticipation in them unmistakable. “I’m Jaehyun,” he introduced himself, “I just wanted to say you both look absolutely stunning tonight.”
“Thank you, Jaehyun! We appreciate that, don’t we?” Karina said, looking at you expectantly.
You hesitated before giving him your name, your voice quieter than you intended. His reaction caught you off guard—he took your hand and kissed it lightly. “Wonderful to meet you,” he said, his smile deepening. “I’ll let you get back to your conversation, but if you’d like to have a good time together, well—this is for you.”
As he walked off, Karina grabbed your arm. “Wow! Talk about dreamy! What did he give you?”
You unfolded the napkin he’d placed in your hand, already knowing what to expect. Inside was a neat scrawl: In case you need another shoulder to lean on ;) – J followed by his number.
You rolled your eyes. “Great. Just what I needed.”
Karina laughed, shaking her head. “If you’re not going to use it, you can pass it my way!”
“No way,” you said firmly. “I don’t need the reminder of this awkward interaction if you end up hooking up with him.” Stuffing the napkin into your purse, you resolved to toss it later.
“Fine, but that’s a major loss,” she teased. “How about this instead: we finish our free drinks, grab something sweet to eat, and call it a night?”
You smiled at her sincerity. “Sounds like a plan.”
The plan, however, turned out to be a little hazier than expected. Jaehyun had paid for more shots than you realized, and by the time you left the club, you and Karina were beyond tipsy, stumbling into an Uber together.
After dropping Karina off safely, you found yourself standing in front of Haechan’s building instead of your own. Buzzing his apartment repeatedly, you chuckled loudly into the intercom when his tired, slightly annoyed voice answered.
“May I ask who’s obliterating my buzzer at this hour?”
“It’s meeee!” you said through a fit of giggles.
There was a pause, and then the door buzzed open. Moments later, Haechan met you in the hallway, his arms crossed as he watched you nearly trip over your own feet.
“Someone had fun tonight, I see,” he teased, shaking his head as he walked over to steady you.
You clutched onto his shirt, looking up at him with glassy eyes. “Can’t have fun when I’m missing you so much,” you mumbled.
His teasing grin softened into something gentler, and he wrapped an arm around you, guiding you to his apartment. Once inside, he carefully sat you on the edge of his bed, rummaging through his drawers for some comfortable clothes for you to change into.
Haechan gently changed your clothes for you, his touch careful and deliberate. Using the makeup remover wipes you’d left at his place over the past few weeks, he softly cleaned your face, wary of being too rough as he worked around your features.
“Let me grab you some water, okay? Just get comfortable,” he said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. You nodded sleepily, sinking into the pillows as he disappeared into the kitchen.
Your gaze wandered across the room, catching the faint glow from his gaming monitor. A small smile tugged at your lips as you pictured him sitting there, completely immersed in a match, his focused expression etched in your memory. You reached toward the side table, expecting to find your phone, only to remember it was still in your purse.
“Hyuckieeee!” you called, raising your voice as much as your drunk tired state allowed. “Can you bring me my phone, pleaseeee? It’s in my purse!”
“Yes, ma’am!” he replied, his voice light and playful.
In the kitchen, Haechan grabbed a glass of water before reaching for your purse. As he rummaged through it to find your phone, a folded napkin clung to the device, slipping free and floating to the floor. He bent to pick it up, expecting it to be nothing—but then his eyes caught the scrawled handwriting.
In case you need another shoulder to lean on ;) – J xxx-xxx-xxxx.
His playful smile vanished instantly. It was like the air had been sucked out of the room. For a moment, he stood frozen, blinking at the napkin as though he could force the words to change.
Who the hell was J? Why did you have his number? And why the hell did he feel like the ground beneath him was starting to crumble?
“Hyuccccck!” your voice whined from the other room, pulling him out of his spiraling thoughts.
His heart pounded as he shoved the napkin back into your purse, burying it as deep as he could. Grabbing your phone, he forced himself to compose his expression before walking back into the bedroom.
“Here,” he said, his voice a little too quiet as he handed you your phone and set the glass of water on the nightstand.
You barely noticed the change in his demeanor, already distracted as you unlocked your phone. Haechan, however, didn’t linger. He walked to his desk, muttered a quick goodnight to Jeno—completely ignoring whatever your brother was saying—and shut down his computer.
“W-Wait!” you called after him, frowning when you realized he was heading toward the door. “You’re not staying?”
He paused, his back to you. “You’ve had a long night, and tomorrow’s going to be even longer,” he said flatly, his voice devoid of its usual warmth. “You need sleep, and I can’t afford for you to get distracted.”
The coldness in his tone made you sit up slightly, confused. “Hyuck—”
“I’ll take the couch,” he interrupted, not turning around. “I’ll drive you home in the morning. Goodnight.”
Before you could respond, he flicked off the light and shut the door behind him.
You blinked at the closed door, baffled by his sudden shift. However, the exhaustion weighed heavy on your body, and soon enough, your head hit the pillow, pulling you into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Meanwhile, Haechan sat on the couch, your purse on the table in front of him like it was mocking him. His mind raced, replaying every moment of the night and every possibility of what that napkin could mean.
His jaw clenched as a wave of jealousy surged through him, mingling with something deeper—something more vulnerable. Was this all a game to you? A distraction? Did this J mean more to you than he did?
Haechan leaned back, staring at the ceiling with a heaviness in his chest he couldn’t shake. Tomorrow was supposed to be the big day—the day he met your parents—but now he wasn’t so sure he could go through with it.
The couch was uncomfortable, but that wasn’t the problem. You were just down the hall, sound asleep in his bed, yet Haechan couldn’t close his eyes for more than a few seconds before they snapped back open.
Your purse sat on the coffee table like it was taunting him, the folded napkin inside feeling heavier than it had any right to. He rubbed his hands over his face, letting out a frustrated sigh as he leaned back against the couch cushions.
It wasn’t real. That’s what he kept reminding himself. You weren’t really his girlfriend, so why did the idea of someone else trying to be with you twist something so raw inside of him?
He replayed the events of the night, the way you had stumbled into his arms at the door, laughing and clinging to him like he was your safe haven. The way you’d told him you missed him—it echoed in his head, warm and sweet, and he had wanted to believe it.
Then he’d seen the napkin.
In case you need another shoulder to lean on.
The words looped in his mind like a curse. He sat up, staring at the purse again, his jaw tightening. Who was this J? Why did you have his number?
You had been with Karina, sure, but what if this guy was someone you’d met at the club? What if he’d been the one to buy you drinks, to make you laugh, to look at you in a way that Haechan foolishly thought only he did?
His fists clenched at the thought, his nails digging into his palms as he tried to push the images out of his head. He had no right to feel this way, he told himself. You weren’t his. Not really.
The idea of you leaning on someone else, laughing with someone else, kissing someone else—it made his stomach churn.
The minutes turned to hours, and the city outside the window grew quieter, yet his mind stayed restless.
He thought back to the times you’d spent together recently. The way your eyes softened when you looked at him, the way your fingers would brush against his as if it were second nature. The quiet moments after the fake laughter, when it felt like everything between you wasn’t fake at all.
Could he have imagined it all? Were the feelings one-sided?
He threw himself back against the couch, running a hand through his hair in frustration. Maybe this was what he deserved. Maybe this was the fallout of blurring the lines, of letting his heart get tangled in something that was never supposed to be real.
Then he thought about tomorrow—or rather, tonight. Meeting your family as your boyfriend. Pretending to be yours in front of the people who mattered most to you. The thought had filled him with nerves before, but now it felt unbearable. How was he supposed to stand there, play the part, when he didn’t even know where he stood with you?
His eyes drifted back to the purse again. It was a small thing, insignificant in the grand scheme of things, yet it felt monumental. That napkin had shattered whatever fragile understanding he thought you shared, leaving him questioning everything.
As the first rays of sunlight began to creep through the window, Haechan sighed deeply, running a hand over his face. His body was heavy with exhaustion, but his mind refused to let him rest.
One thing was certain—if he didn’t get answers soon, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep pretending.
The faint scent of coffee and something savory woke you first. You blinked groggily, your head heavy and your body sluggish as you turned toward the nightstand. There, beside a glass of water, was a small bottle of Tylenol waiting for you.
The gesture brought a soft smile to your lips. Even after nights like this, he always took care of you.
Rubbing your temples, you sat up slowly, the ache in your head reminding you of last night’s drinks. The apartment was quiet, save for the faint clinking of dishes coming from the kitchen. Pushing yourself out of bed, you shuffled toward the source of the noise, following the smell of breakfast.
When you stepped into the kitchen, he was already there, leaning against the counter with a coffee mug in hand. A plate of scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon sat on the countertop, clearly made for you.
“Good morning,” you murmured, your voice scratchy from sleep as you pulled out a stool.
He barely glanced at you, taking a sip of his coffee before setting the mug down with a soft clink. “Eat up,” he said flatly, his tone devoid of its usual warmth. “You’re probably hungover.”
The coldness in his voice made you pause. You looked at him carefully, noting the stiffness in his posture, the way his eyes refused to meet yours.
“Thanks,” you said hesitantly, sitting down and picking at the food. You watched him from the corner of your eye, trying to gauge his mood.
When the silence stretched too long, you finally spoke. “Are you okay? You seem… off.”
“I’m fine,” he replied quickly, too quickly.
“You don’t seem fine,” you pressed, setting your fork down. “Did something happen last night?”
He let out a sharp breath through his nose, finally looking at you. His expression was guarded, but there was a flicker of something beneath it—hurt, frustration, something he wasn’t saying.
“I’ll start getting ready,” he said abruptly, brushing past your question. “You should eat and get some rest when you get home. We’ve got that big dinner tonight.”
You reached out instinctively, your fingers brushing against his arm to stop him, but he yanked it back before you could get a firm hold.
The motion was reflexive, but it felt like a slap. The shock of it lingered in the air between you, and you froze, your hand hanging in the space he’d just pulled away from.
“Did you just pull away from me…” your voice trailed off, your words caught somewhere between disbelief and hurt.
“I didn’t mean—” he started, his voice sharper than he intended. When he saw the look on your face, he cut himself off, turning away from you entirely.
“No, talk to me,” you said, standing now. The frustration bubbled up in your chest, and you didn’t care if your head was pounding or if your voice cracked. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been weird since last night. Did I do something?”
He clenched his fists at his sides, his shoulders rigid. “It’s nothing. Just drop it, okay?”
“Nothing?” you echoed incredulously, stepping closer. “You won’t look at me, you won’t talk to me, and now you’re pulling away like I did something wrong. If it’s nothing, then why are you acting like this?”
“Because I’m tired!” he snapped, spinning around to face you. His voice was sharp, the anger in his tone startling you; but beneath it, you heard the cracks, the weight of something deeper. “I’m tired, okay? Of this, of pretending, of…” He stopped himself, running a hand through his hair as if trying to physically push the words back down.
“Of what?” you pressed softly, your heart thudding in your chest.
His jaw clenched, his gaze dropping to the floor. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered. “I just think you should go home, get some rest, and be ready for dinner tonight. That’s it.”
You stared at him, frustration and confusion swirling in your chest. He wouldn’t look at you, wouldn’t explain himself, and the distance he was putting between you felt suffocating.
“Fine,” you said quietly, the word laced with hurt. “If you want to push me away, then that’s on you.”
He didn’t respond, didn’t look up, didn’t move as you turned on your heel and headed back toward the bedroom to grab your remaining belongings. The door clicked shut behind you, and for a moment, all you could hear was the pounding in your head and the ache growing in your chest.
Whatever was going on, whatever he was holding back—it felt like it was slipping through your fingers, and you didn’t know how to stop it.
Meanwhile, he stood frozen in the kitchen, staring at the spot where you’d just been. His chest felt heavy, and the words he hadn’t said echoed in his mind, louder than anything else.
You stormed out of his room, grabbing your things with shaky hands, your chest tight with frustration and hurt. The air between you had been tense and suffocating, and you couldn’t stay another second in that apartment.
“Wait—” he called after you, his voice laced with urgency.
“I don’t need a ride home, and I don’t need a pity breakfast,” you snapped, your voice sharper than you intended as you reached the door. You turned back for a moment, your heart aching but your pride keeping you standing tall. “I’ll see you tonight, and then after that, whatever this is will be officially done.”
Before he could respond, you slammed the door shut behind you, the sound reverberating through the hallway.
The cold morning air hit your face as you made your way home on foot, each step heavy with unspoken emotions. The weight of everything pressed down on you, but you pushed through, your pace quickening as if moving faster would stop the thoughts from racing in your head.
When you finally reached your apartment, your hands were trembling as you unlocked the door. Once inside, the silence of your room felt deafening. You tossed your bag to the side and collapsed onto your bed, the weight of the morning and everything leading up to it crashing over you.
And then, it all came out.
Tears spilled down your cheeks, hot and relentless as you buried your face in your pillow. The ache in your chest felt unbearable, and no matter how much you tried to quiet yourself, the sobs broke free, filling the room.
The sound must have carried through the walls because moments later, a soft knock came at your door.
“Hey,” Jeno’s voice called through the wood, cautious and concerned. “Are you okay? Can I come in?”
You froze, your breath hitching as you quickly wiped at your face, trying to compose yourself. “I’m fine,” you croaked, but your shaky voice betrayed you.
“Please,” Jeno insisted, the worry in his tone clear. “Let me in.”
Reluctantly, you reached over and unlocked the door. Jeno pushed it open gently, stepping inside and closing it behind him. His eyes immediately found you on the bed, your tear-streaked face buried in your hands.
“Hey,” he said softly, walking over and sitting at the edge of your bed. “What’s going on? Why are you crying?”
You hesitated, your throat tightening as you tried to find the words. “I… I don’t know if we should even do the dinner tonight,” you admitted, your voice trembling.
Jeno frowned, tilting his head in confusion. “Why not? What happened?”
You swallowed hard, debating how much to tell him. For a moment, you considered brushing it off, but the weight of everything you’d been holding inside was too much.
“I—” you started, hesitating before letting out a shaky breath. “I need to tell you the truth about something.”
Jeno’s brows furrowed, his expression soft but cautious. “Okay… I’m listening.”
You sat up slowly, wrapping your arms around your knees. “Haechan and I… we’re not really dating,” you confessed, your voice barely above a whisper.
His eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t interrupt, letting you continue.
“We started fake dating because you and Mom and Dad wouldn’t get off my back about finding someone. I thought it would just be for a while, to take the pressure off, but…” Your voice cracked, and you rubbed at your face, frustrated with yourself.
“But what?” Jeno pressed gently.
“I fell for him,” you admitted, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. “I don’t know when it happened, but it’s not fake for me anymore. Now he’s barely talking to me, and I don’t know what I did wrong or what’s going on in his head. I feel like I ruined everything.”
Jeno stared at you for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then, he let out a sigh and reached over, pulling you into a hug.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice full of genuine regret. “I didn’t realize how much pressure we were putting on you. I never meant to push you into something like this.”
You buried your face in his shoulder, the warmth of his embrace soothing some of the ache in your chest.
“I think you need to talk to him,” Jeno said after a moment, pulling back slightly to look at you. “You’re never going to get answers if you don’t. If he doesn’t feel the same way, that’s on him, not you. You were just trying to protect yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“What if it makes things worse?” you asked, your voice small.
“Then we deal with it together—or not at all,” Jeno said firmly. “But you deserve to know the truth. Don’t let him leave you in the dark.”
You nodded slowly, the weight of his words sinking in.
“What about me moving out and finding someone? Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what Mom and Dad want? To push me out?” you scoff, the words spilling out as your mind flashes back to the way Haechan pushed you away earlier.
Jeno’s reaction is immediate, his tone sharp with hurt. “What are you talking about? You think that’s what this is about? That I want to kick you out?”
You can’t bring yourself to look at him. Instead, you nod slowly, wiping the tears off your cheeks with trembling hands.
Jeno starts to say something but stops, his chest rising and falling with a deep breath as he forces himself to calm down. When he speaks again, his voice is softer, steadier.
“I love you,” he says firmly, his words cutting through the silence. “You’re my sister, and you’re the only one I’ve got. It’s just you and me here, besides Mom and Dad back home. I don’t want you to leave. You’re my real best friend.”
The sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten, and you blink back fresh tears as he continues.
“I just want to see you happy,” he says, his tone gentle now. “I want to see you live your life, not bury yourself in work or stress. You put so much pressure on yourself, and it kills me to see you overwhelmed all the time. I thought… maybe having someone close to you, someone new, might give you a sense of peace.”
He pauses, running a hand through his hair before sighing. “And listen, I know you said you and Haechan schemed this whole thing, but it’s obvious there’s something between you two. Anyone with eyes can see it.”
Your sobs come back harder, and Jeno instinctively moves closer, rubbing soothing circles on your back. His touch is warm, grounding, as his words wrap around you like a protective shield.
“I’ve always just wanted the best for you,” he says softly, leaning his head closer to yours. “I want you to be happy and healthy, and if that means staying here as long as you need, then stay. I don’t care how long it takes. I’ve got your back. I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t welcome. That was never my intention, and I hate that I made you feel this way. I don’t want to push you away.”
You collapse into his arms, burying your face in his shoulder as your sobs come freely. His embrace is strong, steady, as he holds you like he’s anchoring you to the ground. For once, in a while, you felt wanted by your own blood.
“Thank you, Jen,” you manage between cries. “For everything. I’m so sorry I lied to you. I love you.”
He pulls you closer, his chin resting on your head. “I love you too,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “No more lying, okay? I’ve got your back, no matter what.”
For the first time in what feels like forever, the weight on your chest lifts just slightly, enough for you to breathe. You stay like that for a moment longer, letting yourself cry until the tears run out, until the warmth of your brother’s hug melts away the worst of your pain.
Jeno gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze before standing. “Thank you for opening up to me. I’ll give you some space. Just let me know if you need anything, okay?”
As he left your room, you could hear him muttering something under his breath. A moment later, the sound of his voice carried through the apartment as he tried to get a hold of Haechan.
“Yeah?” Haechan answers after the third ring, his voice tense.
“Meet me in front of my building in ten minutes,” Jeno says, his tone tight as he tries to keep his anger in check.
“So, she told you?” Haechan asks, his voice low.
“Yeah,” Jeno replies curtly.
Haechan pulls the phone away from his mouth, letting out a desperate sigh as his eyes fix on the ceiling, silently pleading for something—anything—to save him from what’s coming. After a long pause, he exhales sharply. “Okay, I’m on my way.”
Jeno stood outside the complex building, the afternoon sun casting long shadows across the sidewalk. The air was crisp, but it didn’t stop the tension from coiling in his chest. His hands were shoved into his jacket pockets as he waited, replaying the conversation he’d had with his sister earlier.
Her tears, her shaky voice—everything about it had gutted him. Whatever had happened between her and Haechan, it needed to be resolved. Jeno wasn’t the kind of brother to let things like this slide, not when it was so obvious how much she was hurting.
Finally, he spotted Haechan approaching from a distance. The usual lightness in his step was gone, replaced by a slower, heavier gait. His hands were stuffed deep into the pockets of his hoodie, his head tilted down, as if he already knew what was coming.
When Haechan reached him, Jeno didn’t waste time. “Do you love her?”
The question hit like a punch, straightforward and impossible to dodge. Haechan froze for a moment, his eyes widening slightly before his gaze darted to the ground.
“Yes,” he admitted, his voice quiet but steady. “I do. I have for a while now.”
Jeno’s shoulders relaxed slightly, but his expression remained firm. “Then what the hell happened?”
Haechan let out a long breath, running a hand through his hair. “I… I don’t know, man. She came over last night after the club, and everything was fine until I found this note in her purse. It was from some guy—‘J’ or whatever—and it just… messed me up. I didn’t know what to think.”
Jeno frowned, his brows furrowing. “A note? From who?”
“I don’t know,” Haechan said, his voice rising slightly. “It was just some number and a message about being there for her. It made me think—what if I’m not enough? What if she’s keeping her options open?”
Jeno’s jaw tightened, his frustration bubbling. “So you let your jealousy get the better of you and pushed her away instead of talking to her?”
“I didn’t push her away,” Haechan argued weakly, though the guilt in his voice was evident. “I just… I didn’t know how to handle it.”
Jeno shook his head, exhaling sharply. “She loves you, Hyuck. She told me everything—how you two started this whole fake dating thing because of me and our parents. Only, it’s not fake for her anymore. She’s scared you don’t feel the same, and now she’s in her room crying because she thinks you don’t care.”
Haechan blinked, his breath catching. “She… she said that?”
“Yeah, she did,” Jeno said firmly. “And let me tell you something—you’re one of my best friends, Hyuck. You’re a good guy, but if you care about her, you need to prove it. You can’t keep shutting her out every time something scares you.”
Haechan swallowed hard, the weight of Jeno’s words sinking in.
“You’ve been a great friend to me,” Jeno continued, his voice softer now. “I know you’re the kind of person who would go to the ends of the earth for the people you care about. So if you really want to be with her, if you see a future with her, then you need to go upstairs, talk to her, and fix this. Don’t let one very stupid misunderstanding ruin everything.”
Haechan’s hands clenched at his sides, his heart racing as he processed everything.
“What if I screw it up again?” he asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.
Jeno placed a firm hand on his shoulder, his expression both serious and reassuring. “Then you keep trying. Relationships aren’t perfect, but they’re worth it when it’s real—and this? I can tell it’s real for both of you. So don’t waste any more time.”
Haechan nodded slowly, the resolve in his chest growing stronger. Without another word, he turned toward the building, his legs carrying him toward the confrontation he both dreaded and needed.
Jeno watched him go, letting out a deep sigh. For the first time all day, he felt a glimmer of hope that maybe—just maybe—things would turn out the way they were supposed to.
You had finally managed to calm yourself down after a long, warm shower and curling up under the covers of your bed. Yet, no matter how hard you tried, your mind kept replaying the events of the morning. Every sharp word, every look, every lingering feeling—it all circled in your head like a storm you couldn’t escape.
A sudden knock at your door interrupted your spiraling thoughts.
“Yeah?” you called out, assuming it was Jeno checking on you again. The door creaked open slowly, and when you looked up, it wasn’t Jeno.
Haechan stood there, hesitating in the doorway, his hand gripping the frame as if he needed it to steady himself.
“Hey… Can I come in?” he asked, his voice quieter than usual, almost cautious.
You swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that you’d fought so hard to push down. Fidgeting with your hands, you nodded. “Sure.”
He stepped inside, closing the door behind him gently, as though he was afraid of shattering the fragile air between you. He moved to the corner of your bed, sitting down hesitantly, his posture stiff and uncertain.
“I’m sorry,” he began, his voice tinged with guilt. “For the way I reacted this morning. I was upset, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You gave me every chance to talk, and I just… didn’t.”
You stayed silent, watching him from the head of your bed, the weight of his words making your chest tighten.
“Truth is,” he continued, rubbing his hands together, “I found that napkin in your purse last night. You know, the one with the note.”
Suddenly, everything clicked.
“I got jealous,” he admitted, his voice breaking slightly. “At first, that’s all it was. However, the more I read it, the more frustrated I got—not because some other guy was interested in you, but because I realized it was more than that.”
He sighed, his hand running through his hair, tugging at the strands in a way you recognized as his tell when he was struggling to get the words out.
“I like you,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “A lot. I like you a lot more than like, actually.” He let out a small, nervous laugh, shaking his head as his eyes dropped to the floor.
“Ever since we met, I’ve liked you,” he confessed, his voice quieter now. “At first, I didn’t say anything because you’re Jeno’s sister. What kind of friend would I be if I got feelings for my best friend’s sister, right? Then, it turned into something so much more than that. You became my best friend, too. The first person I think about when I wake up, the last person I think about before I fall asleep, and the only person in my dreams. You’re everywhere in my head.”
Your breath hitched as his words sank in, tears spilling down your cheeks before you could stop them.
“I know,” he continued, his voice thick with emotion. “It was my idea to start all of this. At first, it was just pretending, but then it became real. For me, it became so real. And that note? That stupid, meaningless note? It wasn’t even about the guy—it was about me. I hated that a complete stranger had the courage to tell you how he felt when I couldn’t, even after everything we’ve shared. I let my pride and my fear get in the way, and I hurt you because of it. I’m so sorry.”
This time, he looked up, his eyes locking with yours. They weren’t cold like they had been this morning. They were warm, soft, familiar—filled with the Haechan you knew and cared for. Slowly, he reached out, his hand brushing against your cheek as he wiped away your tears.
“I’m truly sorry, love,” he said, his voice trembling slightly but full of conviction. “If you’ll let me, I don’t want to pretend anymore. I don’t want this to be fake. I want us—you and me—to be real. Please, let’s make this real.”
His words hung in the air, each one wrapping around your heart and tugging at it. You stared at him, your lips parting slightly as you tried to process the raw sincerity in his confession. The way his eyes bore into yours, the vulnerability etched across his face, it all broke down every last wall you’d built to keep your feelings hidden.
Slowly, your body moved on its own. You crawled across the bed, closing the small space between you and Haechan before throwing your arms around his shoulders. His warmth engulfed you as your head nestled against his neck, and for the first time all day, you allowed yourself to melt into him.
Haechan’s arms wrapped tightly around you, pulling you even closer as he let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his lips brushing against your hair. “I’m so sorry. I’ll never do that to you again. I promise, I’ll never hurt you like that again.”
His voice cracked with emotion, the words tumbling out over and over as he held you. His hand ran soothingly along your back while the other cradled the back of your head.
You stayed like that for a moment, soaking in his warmth and the steady beat of his heart. When you finally pulled back, your hands remained on his shoulders, and you found yourself looking into his eyes—those deep, soulful eyes that were filled with nothing but regret and love.
“The note,” you started softly, your voice steady despite the lump in your throat. “It was from some random guy at the club. He handed it to me, and I shoved it in my purse so I could throw it out later. But… we got drunk, and I completely forgot it was even there.”
His expression shifted instantly, from shock to embarrassment, and finally to guilt. “So it really didn’t mean anything?” he asked, his voice almost timid.
You shook your head firmly. “Not a thing. I didn’t even remember it existed until just now.”
Haechan exhaled a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “I’m an idiot,” he muttered, more to himself than to you. “I overthought everything, and I pushed you away when I should’ve just asked you.”
You gave him a small, tentative smile, your fingers absentmindedly smoothing over his shoulders. “You’re not an idiot,” you said gently. “You were scared, and honestly? So was I.”
His brows furrowed slightly, his gaze softening as he tilted his head in curiosity. “Scared?”
You nodded, your cheeks warming under his intense gaze. “Scared because… I like you, too. A lot. Maybe more than a lot.” You let out a nervous laugh, your hands dropping to your lap. “I think I’ve been trying so hard to convince myself that this was just pretend because I didn’t want to ruin anything between us. But the truth is, I don’t want to pretend anymore either. I want us to start over—for real this time.”
His eyes widened at your words, and for a moment, he just stared at you, completely still. Then, as if something clicked inside him, his expression changed. The regret and guilt melted away, replaced by something so raw, so full of love and passion that it took your breath away.
Haechan reached for your face, his hands cradling your cheeks as if you were the most delicate thing in the world. “You mean that?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes searching yours.
You nodded, your smile trembling as tears welled in your eyes. “I mean it.”
That was all he needed. In an instant, he leaned in, capturing your lips with his in a kiss that was both passionate, real, and impossibly tender. His lips moved against yours with a reverence that made your heart ache, as if he were pouring every unspoken word, every hidden feeling, into that single moment.
Your hands found their way to his chest, clutching at his hoodie as you kissed him back, matching the intensity of his emotions. It was like the world had faded away, leaving just the two of you, tangled in each other and the overwhelming feelings you’d kept buried for so long.
When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, and his thumb brushed against your cheek, wiping away the tears you hadn’t even realized had fallen.
“I love you,” he whispered, his voice trembling with the weight of his confession.
Your breath hitched, and your lips curved into a smile as you looked into his eyes. “I love you, too,” you said, your voice steady and full of truth.
The smile that broke across his face was radiant, and he pulled you into his arms again, holding you like he never wanted to let go. For the first time, there was no doubt, no pretending—just the two of you, finally on the same page.
The evening had finally arrived, and the three of you—Jeno, Haechan, and yourself—stood outside your parents' house. The warm glow of the porch light illuminated the path, casting a comforting hue that did little to calm the nerves buzzing in your chest. Haechan stood beside you, his hand brushing against yours, and when you glanced at him, he gave you a small smile, his own nerves barely hidden beneath his confident exterior.
“You guys ready?” Jeno asked, breaking the silence.
You nodded, inhaling deeply as you stepped forward.
When the door opened, the familiar warmth of your parents' home enveloped you. Your mom greeted you with a tight hug, her smile as radiant as ever. Your dad stood just behind her, his eyes lighting up as he welcomed all of you inside.
“Come in, come in! It’s been too long,” your mom said, ushering everyone inside.
As you stepped into the living room, Haechan gave your parents a polite bow, his usual charm already working its magic. “Thank you for having us tonight,” he said, his voice steady but tinged with warmth.
“Of course, Haechan,” your mom replied, smiling at him. “It’s nice to finally have you here as more than just Jeno’s friend.”
Your dad raised an eyebrow, a curious look passing over his face. “Oh? What’s that supposed to mean?”
This was it. You glanced at Haechan, and he gave you a reassuring nod, his hand discreetly finding yours. Together, you both stepped forward, standing side by side in front of your parents.
“Well,” you began, your voice steady despite the butterflies in your stomach. “We wanted to let you know that Donghyuck and I… we’re together now. Officially. He’s my boyfriend.”
Haechan’s smile widened as he looked at your parents, his voice filled with pride and sincerity as he added, “It’s true. I care about your daughter a lot, and I promise to always treat her with the love and respect she deserves.”
Your parents exchanged a quick glance, their expressions softening.
“Well,” your dad said after a moment, his voice warm, “if our daughter is happy, that’s all that matters to us.”
Your mom’s smile was beaming now as she stepped forward, squeezing you into a hug first before turning to Haechan. “Welcome to the family,” she said, patting his shoulder affectionately.
Behind you, Jeno let out a low whistle, crossing his arms as a smug grin spread across his face. “I told you they’d approve,” he said, clearly enjoying the moment.
You shot him a playful glare, but the warmth in his expression softened your teasing.
As the night unfolded, the five of you gathered around the dining table, the smell of your mom’s cooking filling the air. The conversation flowed easily, laughter punctuating the clinking of silverware. Haechan charmed your parents effortlessly, sharing stories of how you two had grown closer and subtly leaving out the “fake dating” part of your history.
Jeno leaned back in his chair, watching the scene with a satisfied look. His best friend and his sister were happy, his parents were smiling, and for once, everything felt exactly as it should be.
Your dad clapped Haechan on the back after dinner, laughing at one of his jokes. “You’re alright, kid,” he said. “Take care of my daughter, okay?”
“Always,” Haechan replied, his voice full of conviction.
By the time dessert was served, you felt a weight lifting from your chest. Sitting beside Haechan, with his hand resting comfortably on your knee under the table, you realized this was the first time you’d truly felt free. No more hiding, no more stress, no more pretending—just you and him, together, surrounded by the people you loved.
As the night wound down and your mom started clearing plates, Haechan leaned over to you, his voice low enough for only you to hear. “I can’t believe this is real.”
You turned to him, your smile soft. “It is, we don’t have to hide anymore.”
He grinned, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your temple. “I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too,” you replied, feeling the words settle warmly in your chest. Finally, you weren’t scared to say it.
As you glanced around the table, seeing the joy on your parents’ faces and Jeno’s approving nod, you knew this was the start of something beautiful. A life where you and Haechan could love each other openly, honestly, and fully—just as it was always meant to be.
BONUS
Months had passed since that dinner with your parents, and your relationship with Haechan had only grown stronger. Gone were the days of pretending and sneaking around. Now, you could openly love each other, and you savored every moment of it. Tonight was no exception.
The neon lights of the club bathed the group in a kaleidoscope of colors. Music thumped through the air, and laughter echoed as you, Haechan, Jeno, Karina, Mark, and Chenle occupied one of the larger booths. Drinks lined the table, and everyone was in high spirits, swaying to the rhythm of the music or yelling jokes over the pounding bass.
“Here,” Haechan said, sliding a glass across the table to you. “One for the prettiest girl in the room.”
You rolled your eyes playfully, taking the drink. “You’re shameless.”
“You love it,” he teased, leaning in to steal a quick kiss before anyone could interrupt.
“Hey!” Karina exclaimed, pointing her straw at the two of you. “We agreed to keep the PDA to a minimum tonight!”
Haechan shrugged, throwing an arm around your shoulders as he smirked. “What can I say? I can’t help myself.”
You nudged him, trying to suppress a laugh as Jeno and Chenle made exaggerated gagging sounds.
“Alright, lovebirds,” Mark said, grinning as he tipped his drink toward you both. “At least try to make it through one night without making the rest of us single people feel bad.”
“Who’s single?” Karina piped up, earning a round of laughter from everyone at the table.
As the night went on, the group gradually dispersed onto the dance floor. Haechan stayed by your side, his hand never leaving yours. You danced with him among your friends, his playful energy infectious as he twirled you under the flashing lights.
At one point, you found yourselves back at the bar, catching your breath and sipping on water.
“You know,” Haechan said, his tone suddenly lowered as he leaned closer, “you look absolutely stunning tonight.”
Your cheeks warmed under his gaze. “You’ve told me that about three times already.”
“I’ll say it a hundred more times if I want to,” he replied, his eyes glinting with mischief.
You tilted your head, narrowing your eyes at him. “Careful, Donghyuck. You’re laying it on a little thick.”
He grinned, leaning in so his lips brushed your ear. “If you think this is thick, wait till I get you alone.”
Your heart skipped a beat, and you pushed him lightly, trying to hide the flush on your cheeks. “You’re impossible.”
“You’re irresistible,” he quipped, finishing his drink and setting the glass down. “Come on.”
“Where?” you asked, watching as he grabbed your hand and started leading you away from the bar.
“Somewhere we can actually hear each other,” he said with a wink, weaving the two of you through the crowd.
It didn’t take long before you found yourselves in one of the quieter private rooms tucked away in the back of the club. The walls muffled the music just enough, creating a more intimate atmosphere. A small couch and a dim overhead light added to the cozy vibe.
Haechan shut the door behind you, turning to face you with a smirk that sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “Now this,” he said, stepping closer, “is more like it.”
You laughed, backing up until your legs hit the couch. “So, what’s your plan now that you’ve dragged me back here?”
He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he pulled you into his arms, swaying gently to the faint rhythm of the music that still seeped through the walls. His hands rested on your waist as he leaned his forehead against yours.
“Dance with me,” he whispered, his voice soft.
Your breath caught in your throat, but you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck. The two of you moved slowly, completely lost in your own little world.
As the song in the distance changed to something slower, Haechan tilted your chin up, his eyes locking with yours. “You know,” he said, his voice barely audible, “I think this is my favorite place to be—with you.”
Your chest tightened at the sincerity in his words. “Hyuck…”
Before you could say anything else, he closed the gap between you, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that was both tender and electric. His hands tightened on your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened, leaving you breathless.
The world outside faded entirely, leaving only the two of you wrapped up in each other. His fingers traced gentle patterns along your back, and when he pulled away just enough to whisper, “I love you,” his voice was steady and sure.
Your heart swelled, and you cupped his face, your thumbs brushing against his cheeks as you whispered back, “I love you too.”
Haechan grinned, his eyes lighting up with pure joy before he kissed you again, his movements more urgent but still filled with the same passion.
Getting lost in not only the kiss but in his touch you find yourself breathing heavier the closer his lips moved down your neck.
"W-What are you doing?" you asked, a low chuckle escaping your lips despite the tension in the air.
"My girlfriend," he murmured between kisses, his voice low and filled with desire. In that moment, the world beyond the locked door ceased to exist.
With skilled hands, he slipped the straps of your dress off your shoulders, letting them hang low and exposing your already hardened nipples. His eyes raked over you, taking in every detail as though he couldn't believe you were real.
"I'll never get tired of this," he whispered, his voice dripping with awe as his mouth latched onto your left breast, his tongue swirling against your sensitive skin.
A loud moan escaped you, echoing faintly in the private room, but the thundering bass of the music outside was loud enough to drown it out.
"Get loud for me, baby," he urged, his voice teasing and commanding all at once. "I wanna hear how beautiful you sound for me."
His hands slid to your back as he unzipped your dress, letting it pool around your ankles. Without hesitation, he positioned you on the sofa, one of your legs resting over his shoulder as his dark eyes zeroed in on your glistening core.
"Barely did anything, and you're already begging for me," he teased, slipping two fingers inside you with ease, the smirk on his lips widening when your sharp gasp filled the air.
"Haechan... please," you pleaded, your hands gripping the fabric of the couch as your body trembled beneath his touch.
"I'm not done, babe," he murmured, his fingers curling inside you, expertly hitting that sweet spot that made your back arch.
His tongue flicked out, meeting your needy clit as he lavished every inch of you with attention, his lips and tongue working in perfect harmony.
Your moans grew louder, your hips bucking against his mouth as your hands tangled in his hair. He groaned into you, the vibrations driving you wild as he watched you lose control, grinding yourself against him with abandon.
Haechan's free hand wandered to his hardened bulge, brushing over his strained cock that twitched with every sound you made. He bit back a growl, desperate to feel you fully but savoring every moment of your unraveling.
When your release finally washed over you, your scream of his name echoed in the room. Your body shuddered as your juices dripped down his chin, his tongue greedily lapping at everything you gave him.
As you lay there, trying to catch your breath, Haechan rose to his feet, unfastening his belt with swift hands and tugging his pants down to his ankles.
Your eyes widened at the sight of him, your lips parting in awe as you noticed his hard cock, his tip red and aggravated with precum.
He leaned down, lifting your legs to wrap around his waist before gripping your hair gently but firmly. His dark, hungry eyes bore into yours as he spoke, his voice dripping with authority. "You're going to take me right here, right now. I don't want you holding back those pretty moans of yours. Got it?"
You nodded quickly, barely able to speak before he lined himself up and thrust into you with a deep, powerful motion. A low growl escaped his lips as he buried himself to the hilt, his face buried in the crook of your neck.
"So fucking tight for me," he groaned, his voice rough in your ear. "Always so tight."
His pace started slow but deliberate, each thrust pulling moans from you that sent heat coursing through your entire body. His eyes locked onto yours as he noticed the outline of his protruding length against your stomach.
Grinning, he grabbed your hands and pressed them to it.
"You feel that, baby?" he said, his voice husky. "Soon, I'll fill you up right there. Is that what you want?"
Your sweat-slicked skin glistened as you bit your lip, nodding feverishly. "Yes! Please, Donghyuck, I want you to fill me up with every drop!"
His thrusts quickened, each one deeper and more relentless as his free hand trailed up to cup your throat. "That's my girl," he praised, his voice thick with desire as he watched you fall apart beneath him.
When your walls began to flutter and clench around him, his groan turned into a deep growl. "Donghyuck!" you cried out, your nails digging into his back as your release crashed over you.
He wasn't far behind. His hips stuttered as his grip tightened, his eyes rolling back as he spilled himself inside you, his body trembling with the force of his climax. Even as he came, he rocked his hips, ensuring every last part of him stayed buried deep within you.
For a moment, the room was silent except for the sounds of your labored breathing.
Haechan's forehead rested against yours as his hand moved to brush damp strands of hair from your face.
"Round two at my place?" he asked, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips.
Your laugh echoed softly as you cupped his face, your gaze filled with warmth. "Only if we manage to sneak away without getting caught."
"Say less." He grinned, standing to pull his pants back on before helping you dress. His hands lingered a little too long on your hips, his touch still filled with the passion of the moment.
Hand in hand, the two of you slipped out of the private room, sharing whispered laughs and conspiratorial smiles as you made your way through the club and out into the cool night air.
You felt completely free, the chaos of the night left behind as you escaped into a world where it was just you and him. Together, you'd already won a lifetime of love
‧˚⭒ taglist: @jaeminnanaaa17 @scoobysnackszoo @1800-jigglemywiggle @karmasbestie @cathamada @yoursyuno @oneeew @serenedreamscape @moryymor @yesohhsehun @dnihyuck @doyotint @kodasity @rainverry
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Playing Games
summary: Kelvin’s flight back home keeps getting delayed due to the weather leaving you a bit sad but he finds a way to make it up to you.
warnings: none. pure fluff 🩵
(a/n: I want to start writing more fluff and who’s better than Kelvin to be my leading character. Enjoy!)
“Nah babe, my flight got delayed again so I won’t be in until later tonight or early tomorrow morning.” Kelvin said. You could hear the disappointment in his voice as he spoke to you.
“Damn it.” You groaned into the phone. “Why do they keep pushing the flights back?”
“It’s the weather baby but it’s all good. Are you still at your moms house?” He asked.
“Yeah.”
“Just stay there and once I board the plane I’ll text you and let you know.” He could sense the sadness in your voice, slightly feeling the same way as he spoke to you. “If you don’t hear from me, my phone probably died but I’ll charge it as soon as I land.”
You let out a deep breath before responding. “Okay, I love you!”
“I love you too baby!”
You hung up the phone and stared at the screen, totally lost in your thoughts. Kelvin had been on a press tour for the past six months and while you enjoyed being the girlfriend of an actor who was always booked and busy, you just wanted to finally be up under him after not seeing him for so long.
“Was that Kelvin?” Your mom asked as she stood over the stove stirring the pot of stew she had made for the two of you. The weather hadn’t been too bad where you guys lived but it was freezing out and a nice bowl of stew always soothed you guys.
“Yeah, his flight keeps getting pushed back.” You pouted slightly, placing your phone onto the counter while you watched your mom prepare the food.
“He’ll be home in a little while, there’s no need to be upset sweetheart.”
“I know but I guess I’m just worried about if I’m gonna have to wait until tomorrow to see him.”
“You know that weather up north is always bad around this time of the year, but I’m sure you won’t have to wait until tomorrow.” She moved around the kitchen, grabbing two bowls from the cabinets and placing them side by side on the counter. “Grab the crackers from the pantry while I make our plates.”
“Okay.” You went into the pantry and grabbed two sleeves of saltine crackers before returning to the kitchen. You frowned as your mom hurried to lock her phone and flip it face down. “Ma, who were texting?”
“Oh that was your father, he’s out trying to get the garage to finally open.” She said, returning to a calm state as if she wasn’t in a panic just a few seconds ago.
You eyed her skeptically before placing the crackers onto the counter in front of you. The two of you grabbed the large trays that held your bowls of soup and crackers and carefully walked to the living room where you both sat and watched the latest episode of RHOP.
The two of you ate and gossiped about each housewife, giving your dramatic commentary for each scene, laughing and preparing for the next. As you watched the show, you couldn’t help but peep at your phone waiting for another call from Kelvin.
Another hour had already gone by and you still hadn’t heard anything from him. You tried to enjoy your time with your parents but your worry for your boyfriend was growing by the hour and making it almost impossible for you to relax.
“Finally got that stubborn garage to go up.” Your dad announced as he walked into the living room.
“Well if you’re ready to go home, we can drop you off.” Your mother said, looking over at you.
You simply nodded and stood from the couch. You stacked your tray on top of your mothers, along with the empty bowls and walked them into the kitchen. After a few minutes of washing and drying the dishes, you sat them aside on the empty dish rack and went into the back room to retrieve your things.
“Is Kelvin done yet?” Your dad whispered to your mom.
“He just texted me and gave me a thumbs up.” Your mom whispered back, nodding to him.
You walked back into the living room, wrapping your scarf around your neck as you looked up at your parents. They were sitting in an awkward silence, looking around the room.
“Why are y’all being so weird right now?” You asked, frowning at the two of them.
“Honey we’re not, we were just having a quick chat that’s all.” Your mom said, placing her earmuffs on and grabbing her purse.
You eyed her up and down then shifted your gaze to your dad who stood there with a nonchalant expression.
“Let’s go.” He said, holding his hand out signaling for you and your mother to walk ahead of him.
You all walked to the garage, you first, then your mom and your dad right behind you two. All bundled up in your winter coats, scarves and mittens, you and your mom got into the car first. Thankful for your dad starting the car ahead of time, you guys quickly settled into the warmth of the vehicle. The heated seats and warm breeze escaping the vents brought you a small feeling of comfort as you prepared to head back to your place to spend yet another night alone.
Your dad finally got into the driver's seat and slowly pulled out of the garage and onto the streets. You didn’t notice him staring at you through the rear view mirror as you looked out the window, watching the cars pass by. You had hoped and prayed that Kelvin would finally be back home, safe and sound but finally decided to accept that he would just be there when he could.
After a long 30 minute drive to your small neighborhood, you all pulled into the driveway of the townhome Kelvin had purchased for the two of you just a year and half prior. Grabbing your purse, you searched for your keys and pulled them from the very bottom of the bag.
“Thank you guys, love you!” You said as you exited the car.
“You’re welcome sweetheart!” Your dad stated.
“Call us once you get settled in.” Your mom said, smiling from ear to ear.
“Okay.” You shut the car door and walked to unlock your front door. After a few seconds, you finally got the door open and paused when you saw the walkway dimly lit with small tea light candles along the baseboards. You debated on turning around to have your dad come in to help check the house for safety but then a thought came to your mind.
‘Why would an intruder place romantic candles in my house?’
“I know he didn’t!” You whispered to yourself, finally realizing who was in your home all along. Taking slow steps, you walked down the hall until you reached the kitchen. There Kelvin stood in front of the dining table with a smile on his face.
“You are such a liar!” You yelled, dropping your bag and running over to him. He wrapped his arms around you, stumbling back a bit as you jumped into his arms.
“I wanted to surprise you.” Kelvin laughed hearing the genuine shock in your voice.
The truth was Kelvin had landed three hours ago but convinced your parents to keep you busy while he planned a surprise for you. He knew how much you loved to be the first one he saw once he got off of the plane. You’d always meet him at the airport with a big smile and a warm hug. However, this time around, he wanted to throw you off completely. He was always trying his hardest to surprise you but it wasn’t easy getting things by you solely because you knew your man too well.
You knew he was a jokester, always sneaking up on you, always play fighting with you and smothering you with kisses when you were upset with him. He knew that you were always a few steps ahead of him so he had to pull out all the stops to be sure you didn’t catch on to this surprise. Asking your parents to get in on it was the icing on the cake, as they were very open to playing into the surprise knowing you’d love it when it was all said and done.
“My mom knew, didn't she?” You asked, finally back on your feet as you stared at him.
“You dad did too.”
“Oooh, I’ma call them and they’re not gonna hear the last of it. I swear!” You rolled your eyes.
Kelvin laughed at you, watching as you paced back and forth trying to figure out how you weren’t able to put two and two together. Then it suddenly clicked for you; your mom constantly flipping her phone face down whenever you entered the room, smiling wide at you while you were entering your home, them acting weird when you were grabbing your scarf, it was all coming back to you as you paced the room.
“I cannot believe I didn’t catch on.” You said, dropping your hands to your sides and staring at him in disbelief.
“I got you babe, it’s okay to admit it.” He smiled, walking over to you to place a kiss on your lips.
“Whatever.” You rolled your eyes and turned away from him as he placed more kisses along your cheek and jaw. You gasped out loud when your eyes landed on the couch full of bags. Dior, Chanel, Steve Madden, Victoria Secret and many more bags sat on the couch and the rest sat on the floor in front. There were so many gifts in front of you, you didn’t know which bag to dig into first.
“Oh my God!” You covered your mouth and turned to look at him, a sly smirk on his face. You ran over to the couch and kneeled down to the floor, scanning over every bag, so excited to unpack everything. It felt like Christmas for you all over again. “Babe, you did not have to do all of this!”
“I told you to stop saying that.” He said, walking over to the couch and standing next to you. “I like seeing you happy and if I wanna buy my girl a bunch of gifts, I should be able to do that.”
His tone became a bit serious as he stared down at you. Kelvin’s love language had always been gifts. No matter where he went in the world, he’d always grab something for you just to show you that you were always on his mind. However, you were always constantly feeling the need to decline those gifts because you didn’t want him to think that was the only reason you were with him. This never sat right with him and he never failed to remind you of it. He knew how much you cared for him, he never thought for a second that you were only with him for what he could do for you. But your constant need to remind him of that made him feel as though you didn’t think he trusted you.
“I know, I know.” You spoke softly, looking down at the gifts. He had just landed and was back at home with you, the last you wanted to do was ruin the mood so soon. “Thank you babe, I really appreciate it, honestly.”
“Open them, I wanna make sure everything fits.” He took a seat on the coffee table as he watched you plow through every bag.
There were shoes, clothes, purses, lingerie, perfume, and jewelry. Anything you could think of buying for yourself had already been purchased by your man. You two sat in the living room as you tried on everything, testing it all out to be sure you truly liked what he bought.
“You like it?” Kelvin asked, staring up at you as you pranced around in your new fur coat accompanied by a new pair of sunglasses.
“I love it!” You shrieked, turning to him and rushing him with another hug.
“Babe, you’re gonna break the table.” He said, reaching out to his side to prevent himself from falling over.
“I don’t care, I love all of it!” You placed a kiss on his lips which of course fell into a passionate one.
“Okay I’m a bit tired from the flight.” Kelvin said in between kisses. “I barely showered.”
“I don’t care, I missed you.” You said, still kissing him.
“At least buy me dinner first.” He joked, knowing it would cause you to burst into laughter.
“You are so stupid!” You laughed, finally getting up and letting him breathe. You playfully hit him on his shoulder as you stood to your feet. “I did miss you a lot though.”
“I missed you too.” Kelvin stood from the table and faced you. “But you’re stuck with me until I have to leave again. So that means I get to be your headache for the next couple of months.”
“Whatever.” You said playfully, rolling your eyes.
“Come on, I’ll take your bags up to the room.” He said, grabbing as many as he could before heading up the stairs. You followed close behind him, carrying the rest of the bags up to your bedroom.
“So you’re really tired?” You asked, placing the last bag in the closet.
“Yeah that flight was rough, I couldn’t sleep at all.” He said, placing his hands on his hips.
You eyed him up and down, folding your arms as you stared at one another. You hadn’t seen him in six months and now he was making you wait even longer to finally make love to him after a long wait.
“I know you can’t resist me babe, but just give me some time to rest.” He joked, placing his hands on your hips and kissing you.
“Fine, you can rest.” You said, unfolding your arms and turning to head back into the closet. “You’re gonna need it.”
Kelvin’s smile dropped a bit as you watched you walk back into the closet so carelessly.
“Wait, what do you mean I’m gonna need it?”
You smirked to yourself, refusing to face him as he yelled from the bedroom. You organized your new shoes to fall into place along with your collection and placed the new clothes in their color coordinated areas while he continued questioning you.
“Babe stop playing.” He laughed a bit, hoping you’d respond but you didn’t. When you failed to respond he immediately went back into a bit of a panic. “What you mean by that though?”
His voice had returned to a serious tone and you couldn’t help but to laugh. Finally walking out of your closet you brushed past him saying, “Nothing babe, let’s just shower and get ready for bed.”
His eyes followed you into the bathroom but his feet stayed in place. You made him a bit nervous but you didn’t care. He had his way of playing with your emotions and you had your way of playing with his. Getting your lick back was always your favorite part of your relationship with him and he knew it.
“Babe, stop playing.”
Please excuse any mistakes. 🩵
#kelvin harrison jr fic#kelvin harrison jr.#kelvin harrison jr x reader#kelvin Harrison jr x black reader#Kelvin Harrison jr x fem reader#x black reader#black fem reader
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Adam laughed as he exited the party, waving to a few of the guests. In all of his years in Heaven, he never thought he'd enjoy parties. That's not saying Heaven didn't have any, but they were very different fmto the ones in Hell. Alcohol definitely wasn't allowed. But Adam won't lie. He enjoyed being drunk, it was unlike anything he's ever experienced.
He could do without the hangover, though.
Tonight, he was able to get out of his head and stop worrying about Steve and Lucifer. And his meeting with Asmodeus tomorrow where he finds out where on Earth he'll be going. That's if he even gets there. He wasn't too sure if Ozzie's plan for putting a different "mispelled" name would work. Lucifer's an idiot, but he's not THAT stupid.
Adam sighed and wrapped his arms around himself as he walked back to Verosika's house. He could feel that anxiety prickling at his skin. That worry flooding back. After everything he did to get rid of it, it comes back like Adam didn't just spend nearly six hours getting wasted.
Adam: Fuck me...
Speaking of, he didn't even get laid. He was still getting used to this "needing sex for energy" thing, but he just doesn't feel like it.
Adam's been away from Steve for nearly a week, and he could feel the need pulsing through him. He could ignore it for now, but hopefully, he would be on earth before it becomes unbearable.
Sighing, Adam looks around, watching other hellborn do their thing. Stumbling out of bars, singing loudly with their friends as they walk down the street, lining up outside food vendors.
He hoped that one day, his life would be normal like that. A day where he'd have no worries, he wouldn't be scared to go out, afraid of who he would run into.
Groaning as his stomach grumbled, he decided a good meal should help with the anxiety. At least, he hoped.
-
Adam: WHAT?!
Ozzie sighed as he placed the paper back on his desk: I'm sorry, Adam-.
Adam: Declined?! He declined it?! He- I thought you said he's never declined an application before!
Ozzie pinched the brow of his nose. He fucking talked to Lucifer about this, he was only going to drive Adam away. And even the Sin could tell he was struggling down here.
Ozzie: He doesn't. He hasn't... stupid bastard... he's an idiot, babe. Look. You don't want to be here, I understand-.
Adam covered his face with his hands: It's not that- I just... my manager... I was hoping to get away from him, too. And now... I'm fucking stuck here.
Ozzie: Your manager?
Adam nodded: He's been... close to finding me. I can't hide at Ver's place forever. She has her own shit to do. I'll have to go back to-.
Shaking, Adam couldn't finish his sentence before he started crying. He was terrified to go back to Steve to see him again.
Ozzie: Oh, darling.
Adam cried more when he felt himself be softly embraced and pulled into a warm hug. He just wanted this to be over. He was trapped in Heaven, and just when he was finding himself in Hell, Steve took advantage of his new freedom. And now, Charlie, Vaggie, and Nifty just HAD to tell Lucifer about him. So now, he has two crazy assholes on his ass.
Ozzie: I'm so sorry, Adam. Really. I am.
Adam: I-It's o-ok-okay-.
Ozzie: No, it's not. You're the first man. The commander of the exorcists. Nothing should scare you. But you're petrified. You're in my ring, Adam. You're one of my people now, and you know what? I like you. Really. You're an interesting person, and the Lust Ring could really benefit from having you here.
Adam slowly looked up at Ozzie: R-Really?
Ozzie smiled: Really. I want to help you, Adam. There's five other rings in Hell. All of them filled with the horniest fuckers ever born. I'll help you set yourself up somewhere else. Or, if you like Lust, I'll employ you.
Adam: Employ me? What does that mean?
Ozzie: You can still do your shows, or you could sing at my bars. And get all of the sex your heart desires. And be paid, of course~.
Adam: A... bar singer...?
Ozzie: I know it may seem like a downgrade, but their all very fancy. Trust me. I only ask one thing in return.
Adam: What's that?
Ozzie smiled: Of you're comfortable, I'd love for you to model some sex toys for me. All for advertisement, of course. You're a very attractive man, Adam. And you need to be seen. But of course, all of this is only with your consent, even if you say no, I'd love for you to sing and perform at my establishments.
Adam thought about for a moment: ...Okay. I'll do it.
He smiled up at Ozzie, who smiled back: I'll write your contract up then. I'll have my receptionist bring you in when it's ready.
Leaving the room, Adam felt a wash was relief. He was finally doing something that he was actually excited about. He's never performed in front of a small crowd before, but he was willing to do anything to make a name for himself, his way.
That didn't mean he didn't want to kill Lucifer for declining his application, but he was ready for this next step. He didn't need Steve, and he sure as hell didn't need Lucifer.
Succubus au
@beef-brisket
@fanofstuff01
(This au was originally on @things-aren't-what-they-seem66blog and was originally thought of by an anonymous ask)
The roaring of the crowd and the playing of his guitar deafened his ears but the incubus didn't care. He loved the way they cheered his name while he shredded on his axe. With one final strum, his song was done. He raised his arms and gave the horns, to which his fans reciprocated, and bid them all goodnight. He walked away his hands still raised until he was out of sight from them. Adam sighed heavily and wiped the sweat with his forearm as he made his way to his dressing room.
Once there he flopped onto the couch and groaned. Though Adam loved being a rockstar and having adoring fans, he wouldn't lie to himself, each performance, especially concerts, can be quite draining since he always had to prepare with mic checks and making sure he sounded right. Steve, his producer/manager/on-and-off-again fling, always assured him that these were mandatory. Just one of those sacrifices that come with being a star. Still, Adam felt a little like shit and he needed a drink, a hard one. Unfortunately, his evening wasn't quite over yet as knocking was heard from the other side of the door then a voice called out.
Assistant: Excuse me? Commander? I'm sorry for bothering you but I brought the VIP guests here with me.
Adam sighed completely forgetting about that. Almost all VIPs get access to meet him after every show. Though he loved his fans coming to him and saying how much they loved him, maybe even getting some head from the older crowd, tonight, he didn't want to. However, he knew that he didn't have much of a choice. Unless he wanted Steve up his ass, and not in a good way. Letting out a long groan he sat up, rubbed his eyes, and yelled out to her.
Adam: Bring them in.
He closed his eyes and sighed once again as he heard the door open and feet shuffle in. He prepared himself for the immediate responses of squealing and clamoring over to shake his hand. However, he was not prepared for a familiar voice to call out his name.
Charlie: A, Adam?
He opened his eyes and standing in front of him were Charlie, Vaggie, and a one-eyed sinner.
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#called out work because I feel blah I and I have the time and I’m feeling wild#could spend the day reading on the couch or I could work on a crochet project…#also it’s time to clear out my tornado shelter area…such as it is#(if a tornado wants my house it’s taking it without contest)#I also have extra to do at my second job because inspections yay#thrilling#so I get to worry about that tonight and tomorrow#(I have no reason to be worried yet here we are)#couch it is
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HELLO THERE
My name is Emile, I'm a Proship selfshipper who loves drawing other people's Self Inserts above anything else and for this week and this week only I am opening $10 RUSH ORDER SKETCH COMMISSIONS!
Do you want a drawing of you and your F/O for cheap and don't mind it being a little rough? Consider DMing me and you could get something like This!
For the low low price of $10 a sketch!!!
And as a bonus!! If you end up liking your sketch and would like it lined, colored, or even fully rendered, you can DM me next week and I will happily slash the price of a full piece just for you!!!
From right this very second through Thursday night my DMs will be open to anyone interested! I only have Paypal to accept payment so please be aware of that!
Thankyou for your time!
#Emile's Arts#Proship Selfship#Proselfship#Selfship#self ship#self ship community#Commissions open#art commissions#TO PEOPLE WHO SEE ME TALK ABOUT COMMISSIONS WHEN I'M IN AN EMERGENCY DON'T WORRY#I'M FINE#I actually meant to make a post like this MUCH earlier this month#I'm getting a chance to go to my first ever In Person Pokemon event this weekend and I'd like to have some money to spend while there#But then me and my dad started going crazy renovating my brother's old room for when Zayne comes to visit next month#And it totally slipped my mind till we were buying the tickets tonight#SO#Rush order coms it is#Just sketches so I can get them done as fast as possible#Thankyou very much for reading and/or reblogging this post if you did it means a lot to me#Hopefully posting this at 3:30am isn't the worst decision I made but Eh#I'll just make another shorter post tomorrow if I must#Oh also second bonus;#When drawing a new character I tend to do warm-up personality and outfit sketches#They're mostly just for me but if you wanted to see those as well I'd post them with the commission sketch for an extra $5#but I feel silly advertising that because they really are For Me kinds of quickhand sketches so fkgjfkdg#If you read these tags and want those as well let me know!!#Thankyou very much again for reading!!!
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untagged w no reblogs cus idk if ill post this w other stuff later but this is one of the best drawings ive done recently. maybe ever. and its a drawing of a youtube boy as a furry that i did while watching random clips from a different youtube boy
#(the other youtube boy is coney) (hes a twitch boy really but ive never watched him live) (go watch him)#you can also see half of the failed ferret riley drawing right next to it i dont know how to get this swag consistently yet#not gonna worry about that rn tho#i got two concerts to go to tonight and tomorrow i dont think ill even have time to worry LOL#im def hyping this drawing up too much but idkkkkk i got his face so symmetrical and the slope of his nonexistent ferret shoulders#and the clothing folds on his sweater... i am proud of myself ill let myself have this
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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#1. poor zac lmao#he's just out here doing his best i don't blame him#nor do i think ja'marr's at all upset with him (his agent probably just didn't like the picture zac presented with those comments)#2. bridging the gap?? progress and significant talks?? 👀#and 3. god i hate that this is when the bengals typically get things done#imagine if like they just got it done as soon as they could and no one had to worry about it#(of course it sounds like ja'marr DID want to wait for everyone else and so did joe last year)#(so not 100% on them. i guess!)#ja'marr chase#ok new prediction. it gets done tonight/tomorrow morning. they don't announce it until thursday kick off though 🥲
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Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime
#morningtalks#Ask to tag#<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh#But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now#Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired#(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink#They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out#We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins#And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians#Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened#I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible#But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff#But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care#But I was still very afraid they DO something#Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt#By these men#I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other#And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened#In the end#The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it#(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing#But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow#But now I gotta sleep too
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i think, since there's so much, i should make my queue more active throughout the day and tag the things i'll be re-queuing so i can just go through the list in my archive to restock it easier
also i might restock the same ones i had in the queue before that it posted already just to start it over again so i can tag everything in better order without confusing myself
but it won't restart anyway until may when the 516 posts in there are done posting
or sooner if i increase the queue output
#me#as you can see#i have 0 plans to stop spamming everybody with the same russ posts repeatedly#i'm saying a lot of things about my queue but i haven't even done anything about it yet#i said earlier i have to add more to it#and then i immediately forgot and got distracted#and now here i am just saying things again without doing#and it's almost bedtime for me#will i actually act on any of this tomorrow?#hopefully#but we will see#anyway i have more gifs to post but i'll save them for tomorrow too#mostly because i want them to stay in my drafts so i can look at them before i sleep tonight#without worrying about reblogging a bunch of stuff and then having to scroll through my blog to get to them again#russ's smile is so very precious#and that's all i'll say about it#for now#i had another plan to gif something#but i think that'll be a bigger job than i thought it was gonna be#i mean it doesn't HAVE to be but it might bother me if it isn't#if that makes sense at all#i'm not explaining it either#but anyway#i'll stop rambling now
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oh. that's thanksgiving tomorrow
#sage's diary#011#11/27/2024#today has been eventful for sure but not in the ways i wouldve really liked#cleaned the whole house cause my roommates are out for a few days#its nice to get the house to just my bf and i but im remembering the one con i have to that#being alone with my thoughts#trying really hard not to let the mind palace dwell too hard lest i start sobbing with no physical comfort#hell. even typing this entry out is making me tear up#i think part of why im feeling shitty like this is i missed out on a chance to talk to friends earlier#so now i just feel. stuck and its upsetting me#...i just hope tomorrow goes ok#ive never had any bad thanksgivings so im not worried about arguments or anything#just. scared something causes my mood to get worse like tonight#whatever. im gonna distract myself with music and forcing myself to draw til i innevitably break down probably#o7
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made it home safe at last. what a tiring weekend
#i thought i would get a couple more things done tonight but i think im going to bedddd#thank u to all my friends who have been so tolerant of me being inattentive this weekend. i will get back to you tomorrow#appreciate especially the grace to be online but not dming. different bandwidths#nyxtalks#im glad to be home but i think were definitely right to worry about my grandpa#not really sure what the solution is though. hes 94
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#so ive been crying since 5:30am#ive had to cancel my meetings today bc i cant face people#im literally trying to save up all my will power to be able to make it through class tonight#but i just can get over whats just happened#the next few years will break me i know it#ill make sure i persevere but its gonna hurt and its going to be hard#im worried about my grandparents who rely on medicare to survive and get their medication#im worried about my trans and queer friends#im stressed about the threats about the cuts to the board of education#if its gone i loose my ability to finish school#I /rely/ on those loans like it or not#how am i supposed to face my younger sister who dreams of going to school knowing she might not get the same chance bc loans are gone#how am i supposed to watch my little cousin with adhd and autism lose his iep#how am i supposed to live with myself knowing the right to my own body is threatened at every turn#how am i supposed to be able to look both my parents in the eyes ever again and not hold their votes against them#today i let myself morn my hopes i had yesterday#tomorrow i build new hopes for the people i love and those that will be effected by this coming administration#thank god my next therapy appt ended up being schedule for this fri#anyway thanks for reading if you did#i love all of you <3 and i know we can make it through together no matter how tough
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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