#so I believe they look at how good you can murder
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I am not closely following the election results tonight, but I am occasionally seeing flashes of them out of the corner of my eye. The most obvious sign that things arenât going well right now is the complete lack of celebrating on my dash. I know what tumblr looks like when itâs happy. Maybe Iâll go to bed tonight and see something different in the morning. I hope to god that is the case. But Iâm thinking about the way Iâm thinking right now, and I want to get some stuff down before the future kicks in.
In 2016 I was in a period of my life I affectionately refer to as as my fuckup era. I wasnât even fucking up really. More just chilling out and falling short of the vague expectations Iâd had about what I was supposed to be doing after I graduated college. While my friends from college rented apartments in the city and got jobs that didnât supply you with a uniform shirt, I lived at home and worked as a barista at a fancy movie theater. Thatâs a real job you can do for almost five years. I didnât have a clue what the back half of my twenties should look like. The only long term plan I had in my life was moving out west with my best friend, and my plan for finding a job once I was out there was basically to cross my fingers and hope.
Those days werenât bad on the whole, but it felt like I was not actually living a life so much as I was goofing off in the waiting room. Sometimes that felt embarrassing, sometimes it felt fun, and sometimes it felt like I was completely pointless to the world.
On 2016âs Election Day, I went to bed early. After watching the votes come in, I needed the night to be over. I woke in a world that felt different than it had been the night beforeânot just in the actuality of who would be president but down to its foundations. I realized for the first time how much hope Iâd had in human nature because now I didnât feel it anymore. Itâs almost silly when I think about itâso many horrible things had already happened that year, people had done horrible things as long as there have been people, and I didnât think I was naive to thatâbut something clicked into place that morning.
It felt the same way my world had changed a year earlier, in 2015 during my last semester of college. My college victory lap felt like a prolonged downward spiral. Very early in the morning on a Monday, after pulling an all-nighter and overwhelmed by self-loathing that I could not just motivate myself to work on a paper that had been my only thought all weekend, I self-harmed for the first time in a way that was impossible to pretend it was anything else. Earlier that weekend, Iâd tried staving off the urges drawing or writing on my arm, something that did (and does) usually work. Iâd written this quote in silver sharpie on my forearm: âGood is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.â
I picked that quote from the Ms. Marvel comics and liked the words so much, I thought that I wouldnât be willing to purposefully mess it up by hurting myself there. Didnât work. They just made me feel more ashamed of myself as I did it.
That was the worst I had ever felt. Then, on the Friday of that week, a friend of mine was senselessly, brutally murdered.
It doesnât feel now like there was ever a time before her death. My memoir class is now where I wrote about her. My favorite professor is now the one who held me as I cried. My final thesis, the culmination of my history degree, never got finished and certainly never got polished. I turned it what I had and got an A minus. Sometimes I think of rereading that paper to see if thatâs the grade it actually deserved. We hadnât been the closest friends, but my name was still on the email admin sent to professors, listing students who might be emotionally affected by this tragic event. Graceâs murder hangs over every memory I have with her and everything she ever touched. It feels like its own type of obliteration to leave her reduced to her death.
Grace wanted to be a lawyer because she believed in justice and also liked arguing. She could be rude when she wasnât interested in what you were saying. When you caught her attention, you felt like the most fascinating person in the room. She was so proud of being Jewish. I watched her become proud of being gay. She was so universally friendly that it took me a year to realize that she actually liked specifically me. She had a somewhat silly laugh and an astonishingly luminous smile.
I thought less of the world and the people in it because of how she died. Trumpâs election in 2016 felt like that.
After he won, I left stasis. From November through December, I thought harder about my future than I ever had before. Who did I want to be? What did I most value? What did I think was worth protecting? What work wouldnât kill me to do? At one point, in presumably a fit of madness, I thought, âwhat if I got into politics.â Epiphany eventually hit me. By the time of Trumpâs inauguration, I was already enrolled at community college, getting my pre-reqs for nursing school.
Now itâs election night again, eight years later. I live on the west coast with my best friend, in a house that we bought together. I work as a nurse in a hospital in a city where there are homeless encampments off every highway and someone begging for change on every corner. Meanwhile, thereâs Palestine. Meanwhile thereâs Sudan. Meanwhile refugees drown in the sea and border patrol shoots jugs of water. Even hurricanes have human cruelty now.
I donât think people are inherently good or the universe inherently kind. But I am very good at tricking myself into thinking it for a little while, and when I do, I can remember the a specific feeling from Friday of my senior year, from that morning in Novemberâ how fucking hard the disappointment hit me because I had expected people to be better than this. It makes me want to be better than that.
I believe, and hope that I always will, that we can make a better world. I donât know what it looks like, but I think I will see it in my lifetime. Those of us who can believe such things owe a bit of that naĂŻvetĂ© to the worldânot to excuse atrocities or think them impossible but to believe that we can stop them at all. You have to have a couple people sprinkled around who are genuinely shocked when people do bad things. Itâs not that the pessimists are wrong, but you need the occasional counterbalance. I want to be a reasonable cynicâs pleasant surprise.
Every shift, I interact with people at their lowest and worst. I see the direct pipeline from pain to anger to violence, and how fragile that pipeline can be. So many situations can be changed by things as small as a warm blanket or a kind word. Violence can be quite easy to avert. Crises can be quite simply to resolve. Even when I know that whatever I do that shift will not change the circumstances of a personâs life, I think that what I do that shift still matters.
Iâm lying in bed, writing this post instead of looking at the news. I wonder how tonight will change me. Been thinking about what Iâll do if Trump wins. Been thinking about how whatever I think I need to do under Trump will still need to be done if Harris clutches out a victory. I guess this is a pessimistâs optimism: to a degree the election doesnât matter. Good is not a thing you are. It is a thing you do. Our better world will always take a lot of work.
But please god please, why canât it be just a little easier to do it?
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Yanno something I don't think is explored nearly enough? Ambrosius's relationship with the Director, and I'm referring to both versions here because they're both interesting in both similar and different ways
For the movie version (I will talk about the comic version on this post too, don't you worry) first of all my pal @walrus150915 wrote an incredible fic exploring this for the NBB please go read it right fucking now, but moving on from that, Ambrosius arguably saw the Director as his mom, or at least a stand-in for his mom.
She was (or seemed to be) a nurturing but authoritative adult who guided him in the role he was supposed to fill. A lot of people like to write her as an overtly nasty bitch in pre-canon fics, and while I completely get that, let's not forget that Ballister, at the beginning of the movie, found it potentially believable that he was her favorite student. He was dumbfounded and devastated to see she had been the one to frame him, he couldn't believe it and never suspected her for a second. I'll talk more about Ballister's relationship with her in another post, but the point is this is an Oscar-winning actress, people!
Ambrosius had every reason to look up to her and believe she cared about him. And she went from (in his perspective) treating him with patience, kindness, sympathy and respect, to trying to MURDER HIM.
You don't just get over a parental figure doing something like that to you (then oh yeah, promptly fucking d y i n g). The pain, the loss of realizing someone you loved and trusted was never who you thought they were (after he'd been battling those same feelings about Ballister) and never really cared about you as a person, it would be devastatingly traumatic. Like poor guy what the fuck. He had to cope with that WHILST trying to repair his broken relationship Jesus Christ
And that's not even getting INTO the comic version, which I will be getting into now. There's a big difference between the two and I think that's in no small part due to the timeframe. C! Ambro has been under the Director's thumb a full 15 years longer than his counterpart. This gave her time to exert more control over him, and also gave him time to grow more aware of her behavior. M!Ambro and the Director have the relationship of a person and their (non-sexual) groomer, while C!Ambro's relationship with her is more overtly that of a person and their abuser.*
She's regularly seen threatening him, threatening to have his loved one (Ballister) killed if he doesn't obey her thereby forcing him to do things against his will (like murder a child), insulting him, and showing him absolutely zero sympathy or kindness, even when he's seriously harmed. I think Ambrosius would, by this point, know that the Director isn't a good person and that she doesn't love him, but she's had much more time to sink her claws into him.
He's not going to leave her. This life, being the Champion, working for her, it's all he knows, and it's all he has. Where is he going to go, back to Ballister? Ballister hates him (because the Director took measures to isolate Ambrosius from him) and he's worked for the Institution his whole life. He knows the Director is bad, but he still trusts her. This is the devil he knows, at least, so by the time the story takes place he at least feels confident that they have a mutual understanding.
I imagine it took time to get to this point. He saw her as a mentor and spent most of his life desperate for her approval. After the joust, I can only imagine this got worse. She was all he had, and he'd do anything to prove himself worthy of the championship title he knows deep down that he stole. He probably saw her as a real friend for a long time, no matter how obvious she made it that the feeling wasn't mutual, and that he'd have to try ever harder to earn her praise.
What I'm saying is this man spent fifteen years under the boot of his abuser, then after fifteen years of grooming and psychological abuse she threw him in the trash, stripped him of his title and everything he'd worked for, tried to have his lover executed, then fucking died. And NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT??? HELLOO?????
*this is not to say that M! Ambro's relationship with the Director was not abusive, it was, or that C! Ambro wasn't groomed, he was. Simply that for him, the grooming had more time to develop into overt, recognizable abuse.
#ambrosius goldenloin#nimona#nimona graphic novel#nimona 2023#ballister boldheart#nimona analysis#cw abuse#cw grooming
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The Vestige becoming Silencer in ESOÂ âs Dark Brotherhood storyline despite the Gold Coast Sanctuary having older and more experienced members made me sure that the Dark Brotherhood cares about accomplishments more than age and experience.
#i was like 'ok so the HoK became Lucien's Silencer because there was noone else'#but in ESO there is way more experienced members like Astara or Elam yet Speaker Terenus names you as his Silencer#so I believe they look at how good you can murder#now i wonder who appoints you as the Silencer the Speaker or the Black Hand?
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so agatha didnt let alice do that curse protection spell on her, right? she was just like keep playing. do you think thats bc she was like 'i dont know what Deaths Knife is gonna do specifically but i doubt im ever gonna be rid of her if i get fucking enchanted with it'
#im still laughing about the way rio looks when alice borrows her knife#like Sure okay yeah use my interdimensional soul reaping knife or whatever that probably wont have any unforeseen consequences#wait that knife is for travelling right?#thats how she moves around between dimensions or the underworld or wherever she goes to this physical plane?#but it also just cuts#do you think it's the only weapon she can like physically use?#bc when she fights agatha it's like wind roots glass from the window#i wonder if death - bc shes not allowed to kill - can not Hold weapons#she can maim and torture evidently but#idk maybe it's a reach. if youve got Knife. Hands. Magic. and Indirectly then youve basically got all the options anyone gets right#so maybe she cant shoot someone or axe murder someone but really how much of a limitation is that#maybe you run into a doctor-like question of weapon use and memetic hygiene again. or a questoin adjacent#but it depends on the Rules. what kind thye are where they come from and the motivation for circumventing them#i dont think rio's balancing rules are laid out by some authority#they are descriptive rules at the core and mostly in practice i think#turn prescriptive a little with rio's faith. she clearly believes in something. something that Must Be or is good to be#and at that point you become prescriptive#i wonder if the knife was always a knife#i wonder where or how she got it#i wonder if the act of death itself is the knife#separating the Who Still Are from the Who Arent Anymore#rio as the embodiment of death. the knife as the embodiment of loss
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hii hiii is it alright if I request something with kotoko and haruka?(platonic ofc) their character foils drive me insane with all the weak stuff authngghn icant be normal about them
Oooh thank you so much for the request! I realized that these two actually have one of the smallest windows to talk easily, given Haruka's nervousness and Kotoko's T2 changes. They have such interesting approaches to strength/weakness, and I hope I could capture it a bit here! This takes place immediately following Kotoko's bday timeline after Harrow's release:
âIâll accept those birthday wishesâŠâ Kotoko gave him a wave over her shoulder as she returned to making her bed. Â
She shook her head in awe. It was rather impressive how quickly the boy had changed after his verdict. The others had more subtle differences, but he was someone entirely new. She could rest easy, at least, knowing that her verdict wouldnât change her much. For as long as she could remember, sheâd been like this. She knew where she stood, and neither guilty nor innocent verdict would affect that. This verdict was really only an indicator on whether the warden could be trusted or not.Â
Her body tensed up when she turned back around, startled by Haruka lingering silently in the doorway. She decided against chastising him for scaring her half to death. Still, she couldnât keep the bite from her voice as she asked, âdid you need something else?â
âAh⊠I justâŠâ He twisted his hands together. âI had a question.âÂ
He fell silent, but Kotoko could tell he was chewing on his next words. She waited.
âH-how do you do it? All the time? Youâre older and stronger and braver and I-I just donât know how.â
âGive yourself some credit. Iâm not that much older, or stronger. I only have, what -- two, three years on you? And you did very well in the arm wrestling tournament the other day.âÂ
She wasnât being patronizing. For someone so sheltered, Haruka could do some damage. He stood a few inches taller than her. The others had taken the arm wrestling as a little game, but Kotoko had used the event to measure up her fellow prisoners. After his close match with Mikoto, she had made a mental note to take him seriously.Â
âNoâŠâ his expression twitched, getting frustrated with the misunderstanding. âNot muscles. I mean⊠you donât have someone like Muu. You donât need someone next to you all the time. But you still talk with everyone⊠and it looks easy. All the time. You always know what to say, and what to do. You never look scared. You never cry.â
Kotokoâs smile softened. She wasnât the prideful type, but his words gave her a wave of accomplishment. She certainly was scared. She did cry. But she wasnât about to show a single crack in her resolve in front of anyone here. Haruka had given her the greatest of compliments by confirming her success.
âAh, you mean strength of spirit. Well, that doesnât just appear out of nowhere. It comes with my purpose, with my virtues.â
âVirtuesâŠ?â
âI see the injustice around me, and want to protect the innocent. When I see how awful the world can be, when I see the monsters that are hurting those who are weak, I canât help myself.â She clenched her fist. âThe power to do so just comes to me.âÂ
âOhâŠâ Haruka looked down at his palms.Â
Her heart sank, realizing he didnât quite understand. It was a shame that not all of humanity could be as righteous as her. That heroic drive had always come so naturally to her; she wasnât sure she could put it into words to explain to others.
Harukaâs open hands were trembling. âUm. Is there any other way?â
âHm?â
âAll my life⊠I only cause pain to everyone.â His worry gradually turned to desperation.â I hurt everyone who gets close to me. Especially things that are small and weak. My whole life, Iâve been nothing but a⊠a curse. So⊠is there another way? Please. I want to be better. I want to be strong! I want to be like you! Tell me!â
He stepped forward, pleading. Kotoko stepped back.Â
His blue eyes widened at her sudden shift into defense. âAh! I. Iâm sorry. Iâm-Iâm sorry. Itâs your birthday. You should be⊠Have a g-good day.â
âWait.â Kotoko stopped him before he could flee. She was aware of the massive gap between them, the vastly different backgrounds they came from. Still, she offered the same advice that had helped her in her toughest of days.Â
âDonât worry so much about othersâ strength. The quickest way to burn yourself out is getting overwhelmed with the power thatâs all around you. Once you start putting all your focus toward honing your own skills and strengths, youâll realize how much youâre truly capable of. You donât need anyone else. Youâll realize that you are enough.â
âI⊠am enoughâŠ?â
She placed a hand firmly on his shoulder.Â
âSo, no need to get all worked up now, okay?âÂ
âO-okay. Iâll do my best.â He stiffened, trying to appear worthy of her words.
She let out a bitter laugh. âI told the others not to do anything for my birthday, but I donât think they paid me any mind.â Kotoko still couldnât fathom how they were so friendly with each other given the situation. âLetâs go see if thereâs some cake or something.â
#milgram#kotoko yuzuhira#haruka sakurai#thank you so much! this one was super interesting to write đ#the thing is even though they dont have any direct problem between them they would still have a hard time communicating#but once they DO communicate there would so much they could learn from/help each other with!!!#this is leaning into my theory that kotokos murder (like harukas) was a rightful emotion that spiraled out of control#it really puts it into perspective how young kotoko is when you remember shes not too much older than haruka#and theyre both susceptible to strong emotions that stem from feeling weak int he face of the big scary world#but kotokos sees her as some blessing of power to serve her heroic thoughts and haruka sees his as a curse#ty to my pals who helped me find the exact spot in the timeline i was looking for đ#although kotoko doesnt believe she can change that easily she 100% undergoes the exact type of dramatic change as the others#once again referencing the arm wrestling info from yamanaka#between that and the fact that strangulation actually takes a fair amount of power#i just think its very good to remember that haruka is so physically strong#also something something kids looking up and wanting to be like kotoko and her complex emotions on that....#these two are sooooo interesting AH#drabbles
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ovo whispers menacingly abt his grandstanding .
#(you can grandstand and be impulsive and prone to violence and have a terrible temper without being arrogant thanks)#(the closest he ever gets to saying he's above anyone else is w/ the jotuns if you really squint at it and he only ever said-)#(- that he wanted to use /force/ aka /violence/ to get them to submit to his rule bc otherwise he views them as DANGEROUS)#(based not only on historical /fact/ but cultural differences boogeymanning and seeing firsthand how they-)#(-MURDERED SOME OF HIS PEOPLE???? AND BROKE INTO HIS HOME???? ON CORONATION DAY????)#(he doesn't act like heimdall or the warriors or sif or even loki is below him. he wouldn't /ask them/ for permission otherwise)#(he even asks the humans-he-just-met for permission a la jane and then respects their decisions and apologizes for being rude abt the mug)#(and the one time he says 'know your place' to loki is when loki is actively bUTTING INTO A CONVERSATION that thor is being ridiculous abou#(bc to thor it's about /winning/ the argument with laufey and he's totally losing track of his goal to try and figure out wtf the jotuns)#(were doing ///in asgard inside the palace IN THE VAULT on CORONATION DAY///.)#(arrogance is specifically thinking you are inherently better than anyone else bc you exist)#(thor very clearly demonstrates selfish desires that translate to poorly thought out deeds)#(eg: taking it directly to laufey instead of trying to take a step back and figure it out in OTHER WAYS before a direct confrontation)#(and he also demonstrates overblown self-confidence.)#(eg the âi have no plans to die todayâ / ânone do.â)#(that's being overconfident in his own abilities that's still not arrogance.)#( ooc . ) â stories that leap from the page .#( salt to taste . ) â in this house we love the actual main character . crazy i know .#tbd#(thor expresses boastfulness and pride similarly to his whole culture of over-exaggerating ur war stories)#(his vice is letting that vanity get to his head and fueling increasingly impulsive and stubborn decisions)#(out of the sheer and desperate desire to prove he's good enough to take up such a heavy mantle as the crown of asgard + nine realms)#(but he doesn't just look at other people and go 'oh yeah i'm so totally better than you just because i exist')#(he's also not a lightning mcqueen who actually DOES see himself above the rustees cars and the route 66 cars)#(goes out of his way to make that abundantly clear and wants actually nothing to do with any of them in pursuit of his own gains)#(only to finally figure out he's not all hot shit and slows tf down to understand and enjoy life as part of society not above it)#(he literally flies of the handle because he fully believes the jotunar actually plotted an entire elaborate scheme)#(SPECIFICALLY in the effort to exploit him as the green thumb weak link as Newly Instated King who Doesn't Know What He's Doing)#(And therefore will OBVIOUSLY do a terrible job because he's not odin and can never be odin but he /needs/ to be like odin bc odin is stron#(HE doesn't know it was loki's plan. he doesn't know it was /loki/ who timed it to the coronation.)
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i need to expel the silly guys in my brain . but i forgot how to draw and writing is hard... much to think about
#vwoop.noises#I am thinking about cool war again. there is no tangible reason for this#Tge only rita summers stan in the whole world.. I think somethint could be done interesting abt her#I'm not sure whether shes bad bc of misogyny or bc none of the side characters were good#I hesitate to be mean bc Just a guy wrote that. Got no compensation for this. Etc etc. It's like conceptually advanced fanfic is my way of -#understanding this space#This being said.#It is very edgy for the sake of kt#And I want to play with your stock characters#Anyways Rita. Why is a child hanging out with the magic terrorists#They give off college dropout vibes but i think shes a little younger than like normal Knew them in highschool vibe. Hmm. Maybe#But regardless. She has to do highschooler chores . She has homework..#its just silly to me. Esp. bc shes just a goth little teenager#I think she's edgy on her own. Not even because the whole thing is edgy. She doesn't get toned down in my mind she believes she's#playing + winning 4D chess#In my beautiful mind palace she wasb rlly good friends w/ jessie b4 Average Tragic Backstory and is kind of like. sus abt the whole thing#very Yesterday was a terrible tragedy. You have classes today#As well as like. She's a bit younger and can cope a bit worse with everything. I think. As is her right as a goth teenager#she's just like. Angry.#Which is yknow. Why magic terrorism#but also w/ like jessie a) Her sibling is coping worse* and then b) Nobody says anything ever so as to not upset joey#*I have rewritten this whole thing in my mind Heart . He mitosis'd and then unmitosis'd as timeline course corrections and this is#quite difficult on a person.#but in the downtime.. shes just a bit silly....#magic terrorists and their princess of darkness (Also a magic terrorist)#I've also decided shes close w og just because I say so . They look similar and people r like Oh how sweet You are looking after yr little#sister. And she wants to do murder.#they both have dark hair; she dyes hers to look gother. and similar faces I Guess < The faceblinder but I'll decide when I draw them
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OO has me in a fucking vice grip with the urge to lunge at Seph's throat!!!!!!! I can't fucking believe he convinced Kadaj to join him!!!!!! I'm gonna go fucking feral!!!! Leave my sonboy alone!!!!! He has no free will!!! He keeps being used for what Jenova wants cuz of the cells and he keeps being used by Seph as a remnant!!! Daj can never truly have something of his own accord cuz of the very meaning of his existence!!!!! He can never be an individual cuz of them, but without them he wouldn't exist!!!! LET HIM BE HIS OWN PERSON!!!!
And to top it off, Team Ninja dangles a Loz and Yazoo tease in my face after I just said I need Kadaj to have his real brothers back!!!! FUCK!!!! I FUCKING HATE FINAL FANTASY!!!!!!!
#i love kaien trying to help even tho this has nothing to do with him. thank you grandpa đ„ș#kadaj and repliku would be a match made in heaven. i want them to talk and go on a murder spree for funsies together#im gonna kill seph so fucking hard. i hate it here!!!!!! đđđđđđđ#at least now i know why kadaj and seymour team up to be ducklings to weiss. tho im not caught up to know how/why they leave seph yet#im just. im gonna die man. im so happy OO added kadaj and gave him so much development and i love that the game takes characters seriously#but god. do they have to keep tormenting MY FUCKING SON!?!?!?!#LET HIM RETURN TO HIS NEW MOM AND DAD (zack and aerith)!!!! GIVE HIM HIS LITTLE BROTHERS BACK!!!! GIVE HIM FUCKING FREE WILL!!!! FUCK!!!!!#its such a good time to be so abnormal about a 2005 one off sequel movie villain. genuinely. it just hurts at the same time#i also like how everyone's fine with kadaj and is even trying to help him cuz despite being morally gray. at least hes against seph.#so hes a good kid in their books đ„ș#brb gonna go speedrun the og 7 real quick so i can beat seph's ass in the name of my best boy#also when we get loz and yazoo i wonder if theyll be a joint unit like in brave exvius of if theyll be seperate but released back to back#like reno and rude đ€#i was expecting sonon or nero next but i do think they wont come until after part 2. while i want genesis most then. i would actually rather#have the baby bro duo if it means they have a real chance of getting in. i didnt actually believe it would be possible. but no it looks real
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Facts about your body after you turn 25, AKA things I wish someone had told me:
you will get hair in fun new places. this is normal and fine.
these places include (but are not limited to) if you don't already have them: your asscrack, your back, your ears, and moles. it's fine.
some of you, dick or not, will also lose hair. this is normal, but also if you have ovaries maybe get this checked out for PCOS.
your acne will probably change. some people get better. some people get worse. it's fine.
your nails will probably get an infection or a fungus at least once in your life. this is fine. (but also let your doc know).
how you gain and lose fat and where you do so will change. this is fine.
how you smell will change. this is fine. (fishy or rotten smells mean doctor time though)
if you have a prostate: it gets harder to pee. prostates enlarge as you age (get this checked regularly). this is fine.
if you do not have a prostate: it gets easier to pee but not in a good way. as in as you get older, your pelvic floor muscles tend to lose some of their strength. this makes it harder to keep pee in. this is fine.
all breasts and pectorals eventually sag, with the rest of your body. this is fine.
a decent percent of the population will experience a cyst at least once. some of you will make up for the rest with multiple. this is fine, but keep them checked out by a doctor. (sometimes this is a condition! get checked for that too!)
almost half of everyone gets hemorrhoids. it's a good idea to just expect them since your chances of getting them get higher the older you are. your toilet will look like a murder scene. definitely get your booty checked out BUT this is almost always perfectly normal. just eat more fiber. "but I already-" eat more fiber. and maybe suck it up and buy some hemorrhoid cream, you'll thank me later.
yes, this means you will probably need to make an appointment for a doctor to see your butthole. it's okay. not only do they really not care but 1. they've seen weirder that day and 2. they'd far rather you see them now than later when it's been going on for forty years and now it might be colon cancer. it's okay. consider it a rite of passage.
adults need more sleep than children. don't believe the myth that you need less than they do. that is capitalist propaganda to make you give up more of your life to the work grind, comrade.
vitamins and medicine, something you are more likely to take as you get older, sometimes make the toilet turn weird colors. it's okay.
if you still have your tonsils and get those little stones and get sore throats more than once a year you should plan on getting those suckers out before the tonsils cause an infection and go septic. if you're getting stones at all you should get those reevaluated every year, especially if the stones are bigger than a needlehead (or get bigger over time). it's gross and yucky. I don't care. get them looked at before you end up in the hospital.
you'll probably need to add foot support to your shoes if you don't already do. this is fine.
your body changes. sometimes it can feel sorta weird and upsetting that it isn't what it used to be. that is okay, and it is okay to be upset. just know that this is normal, it's normal to be upset or not upset, but don't let it hinder your quality of life. trans or cis, there is a certain level of acceptance you just gotta give your body and forgive your body for as you get older. it's okay.
it's okay. I promise.
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have thought about it and i think the key thing about florians gender is that no matter what hes trying to pull he would just look the same. this man is just vibing. maybe in one universe he has tits but its not going further than that
#you have to get real deep into the Florian Multiverse to get different aesthetics from him#in one of them hes a single dad on disability/workers comp after an accident on a building site#in another hes a tiefling who was accused of murder at a young age and is now an almost militant pacifist.#a version of him with a good childhood has a wife and kids and has. statistically speaking. died in The War#like we're just running through it. these dudes all look fairly similar though#except for the tiefling. kaseigh has his own shit going on and i dont just mean the obvious. its a whole bit#cause the bit with kaseigh is the fundamental change of what crime 'he did' changes his entire demeanour#again. militant pacifism. bc if youre nice and smile and never hurt anyone people might actually fucking believe you#cause everyones always assuming hes gonna hurt them. so he is working tripletime to convince them he wont#fun fact: kaseighs built for dnd5e. no i havent fully figured out how that functions in that system. its a nightmare#hes a character better fit for a novel than a game bc his shtick would get old so fucking fast. id have to dump that mans dex#so i could have it be that he can only fight in self defence so he cannoooot go foist. we gotta dump initiative#anyway florians probably a cis man but he looks the same anyways. yeehaw
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When jjk characters call you âclingyâ
Feat. crybaby-ish!reader
Gojo, geto, toji
Cw: hurt, guilt, angst (if you squint)
This is inspiration from a mini series i read a few days ago by user @fumekara. It was so good, I love me some angst to hurt/comfort.
But i also wrote this from personal experience too, my bad yall i treat this like my own personal diary
Anyway, enjoy!
Satoru Gojo
He was pissed. He doesnât typically show it much, but when he does, he gets kind of scary. Heâs more quiet, his voice gets deeper, and his whole body language just shifts. So when the higher-ups piss him off after a very long meeting, the last thing he needs is someone to pounce on him. He usually loves it when you greet him at the door when youâre home for work. But today, he just wanted to strip off his clothes and hop into bed.
Gojo huffs as he leaves the elevator of your shared apartment and grabs his keys from his pocket to unlock the door. As he opens the door, he sees you in the kitchen grabbing ingredients for dinner. âHi baby,â You softly greeted him. âHey.â was all he said back. It confused you for a second because heâs never greeted you like that before.
âIs everything okay?â You walk up to him to try to kiss him on his cheek. âGod- Y/n, please.â He grumbled, walking right past you and placing his briefcase on the table. âIâm just trying to help,â you defended, walking up to take his coat off for him. âAt least let me take your coat-â Thatâs when he snapped. Something heâs never done to you before. âY/n, I fuckinâ got it! Geez, youâre so fucking clingy!â He aggressively shrugged your hands off his shoulder. It scared you a bit, to see him so angry at you. You were confused, all you wanted to do was make him feel better. Were you really that clingy?
âI-Iâm sorry.â your voice came out shaky and defeated. Hearing how small your voice sounded in response to him lashing out made Satoruâs heart shatter into thousands of pieces. He wanted to turn around and apologize, but the words werenât coming out. By the time he turned to face you, Your back was already facing him, preparing dinner for the both of you as tears rolled down your face.
Suguru Geto
It was 2 weeks after Suguru deflected. 2 weeks since he committed mass murder in that village. 2 weeks since he left Satoru, Shoko, and the others. It was weighing on him and you could tell. Nothing but him, his two adopted girls, a few people who believed in his cause, and you.
You promised him you would go wherever he would go, and he was so grateful for it. He loves you deeply and would do anything for you. But some days just threw everything on him at one time, today was one of those days. Monkeys non-sorcerers begging him to exercise curses left and right, Nanako and Mimiko begging him to take them shopping, missing payments from those begging for his service. It was all too much. And the guilt was eating away at him.
He genuinely wasnât paying attention to what you were saying and it annoyed him how much talking you were doing in his ear at that moment. You were both sitting outside watching the two girls play in the yard. âY/n,â He interrupted you. âDonât you have something better to do than to just bother me?â He sighed sounding so condescending. âWhat do you mean?â
âMust you always cling to me? Isnât there something else you can do besides following me everywhere I go, at all times of the day?!â His voice raised a bit as if he was talking to a non-sorcerer. âI didnât realize I was. I was only trying to tell you about what me and the girls did today,â You defended. âYouâre always so busy, I rarely get to see you anymore.â
âYeah, because youâre always underneath me. Sometimes-â He stopped mid-sentence because of the saddened look on your face. His eyes softened a bit. âSometimes I just need my space.â He sighed. You only nodded and started to walk back inside. âOk, I understand.â Your voice cracked. Leaving Suguru alone to think about what he had just said to you. As if he didnât feel guilt then, he definitely feels guilt now.
Toji Fushiguro
Toji was a bit frustrated today. He was cheated out of his money after doing a side job, the bet he placed on the race he kept constantly telling you about fell through, leaving him with zero, and to top it all off, the child support payment was coming up. You being an empath and knowing your boyfriend so well, you wanted to help him any way you could.
He was sitting in the chair by the island in the kitchen with his fingers combing through his hair. He was on the phone with multiple people at once, trying to solve his money issues. âShiu, you guaranteed me way more money than this! How am I supposed to cover this months child support with this amount?!â You walked up to where he was, wondering what all the commotion was about. âBaby?â You softly called out. You could hear Shiu on the other line trying to calm him down and explain the situation.
âThat sounds like a bunch of bull and you know it Shiu, you better have my money by next week thursday or else Iâm taking it myself.â He grumbled and hung up the phone. âBaby,â You gently placed a hand on his broad shoulder.
âWhat, Y/n.â He sternly said. You merely blinked a few times. âI was just checking to see if you were okay. Whatâs with the attitude?â
âIâm fuckinâ frustrated okay? Please leave. You arenât helping right now.â He waved you off.
âI barely did anything, I just wanted to know if you needed help with anything-â
âJesus, I said enough! I donât need your help. Fuck, youâre so clingy.â His voice booming caused you to remove your hand from his shoulder in fear. Seeing your reaction caused him to think about what he said and how he said it. The last think he wanted to do was scare you. He wanted you to feel safe around him. But with the way you jumped at how he raised his voice, it saddened him a bit.
âY/n, Iâm sorry, I didnât mean-â He was cut off by the sound of his child wailing in the background. âIâll take care of it.â You said in the smallest voice, not even leaving him time to protest against it and apologize.
âFuck.â
Part 2
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How is this child so shaped
@sketchbookweek Day 3 - Sun & Moon / Family
you know I had to bring up my sketchbook kid Mattie for this one. in my mind this is likeâŠimpromptu midnight storytime bc someone woke up the entire household and now sheâs almost settled no one wants to get up or go back to bed
(Kaisa has become a little more comfortable with openly doing magic by this point, partly because of reconnecting with Tildy in season 2 and partly because no matter how shoddy her spells come out, they never fail to entertain her kids, especially her youngest. Kaisa does the best stories in this house. no child can resist magic floating pictures)
#hmkay Im reblogging this again bc you did NOT escape from me#alright so first (bc sheâs always first to ME): MATTIE. BABYGIRL#SO funny to me how she woke up the entire household. and so sweet how they all just??? gathered round to hear a story???#like Hilda Freya and alfur did not HAVE to be there. but they are. bc itâs a FAMILY AAAAA#the explanation about Kaisaâs magic progressionâŠ. op if it were anyone else Iâd think they wouldnât believe it#but youâve seen the Brainlink working so often that I think you will. remember the post where I was crying#bc Iâd realized one of my SW pieces could have done with a sequel and I wouldnât have time to write it? the fic in question is Curses.#and the second chapter would be about Kaisa being so insecure about her magic and thinking that Mattie was embarrassed/disappointed by it#with little instances of Kaisa using it around Mattie throughout the years#and then the fic would end when eventually Kaisa talked about it to Mattie and Mattie went#âI love your magic mama. I can feel your love in itâ#and anyway the thing Iâm getting at here is that I WON SO HARD. THANKS FOR CONFIRMING (somewhat) MY HEADCANONS#ALSO BROWN EYED MATTIE WIN#next up is Freya. baby. babygirl. would murder me Iâm sure. I love her she looks so squisheable#Hilda looks so CUTE that cozy next to her mothers. she accepted Kaisa into her family SO HARD Iâm gonna CRY#sketchbookâŠ. fucking sketchbook in loveâŠ.. Iâm having a heart attack#like itâs not that âbutterflies in my bellyâ love anymore. itâs steady and certain and they still hold that love and care for each other#even when sleep deprived and stressed that their baby was crying#itâs about the companionship#also damn girl the way youâve been drawing Johannaâs hair lately. FIRE đ„#lastly. you knew I was gonna talk about it. you freaking knew it. waddles. WADDLES.#sorry but itâs actually now canon that BatW is a story that theyâre reading to Mattie. I DO make the rules and these are them#this made me. so emotional.#but I also appreciate the comedy of the implication that they read fanfic about them to their child VEJDBDJDB#Mattie goes âmama youâre the beast! and mum youâre the strong villager woman!! and Hildie is her daughter!!!â#âbut where am I :(((â#and they have to make up a sequel there the witch and the villager have a baby who goes around giving the servants heart attacks#⊠itâs a good thing Mattieâs too young to speak here gendhsbshdn#another reason why it gives me feels: the way Kaisa is doing magic reminds me of that very first Kaisa fanart you made#looong time ago
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à©â©â§âË CRASH LANDING (LN4)
pairing: lando norris x f!reader
summary: lando accidentally hits a stranger with his car â the internet canât stop referring to it as a meet cute. (un)fortunately for lando, mclaren agree.
genre: comedy, fluffy
authors note: a continuation of the ending to beached! you donât need to have read that to understand this, however it will give some insight to the mclaren matchmaker jokes <3 also in light of that, this is set a few races in the future! *oscarsgf user refers to the character in beached!
*faceclaim: keeahwah on ig (but please imagine her as you see fit!)
landonorris posted a tweet à©â©â§âË
tmz posted a tweet à©â©â§âË
landonorris posted tweets à©â©â§âË
landoâs texts with y/n à©â©â§âË
landonorris just posted à©â©â§âË
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landonorris practicing safe driving
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user you are so unserious sir
user SOOOO IS THAT THE GIRL HE HIT BC
user no clue but sheâs CUTE
oscarpiastri @/fia look here
landonorris i will literally remind your girlfriend of your murder attempts when you first met
user itâs giving meet cute
user iâd read a fic on it
yourusername you literally drove off BEFORE I WAS EVEN IN THE CAR
landonorris IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I WAS DISTRACTED
user ASSUMING THIS IS HER???
user @/user CLICKING ON HER ACCOUNT IT DEFINITELY IS
yourusername just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
liked by bestfriend, landonorris and 3,907 others
yourusername monaco recapđČđš successfully didnât get hit by too many cars!
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user AS IF LANDO HIT THE HOTTEST PERSON IVE EVER SEEN
user nah this is actually a full meet cute iâm sorry this is the shit you see in romcoms
bestfriend still canât believe you didnât take compensation but accepted a lunch date instead
yourusername can you blame me
user @/yourusername oh girl no one can you are so real for that
friend1 wait till everyone finds out youâre only there for another 4 days
user WHAT. i canât have them separated alreadyđ¶
user parasocial relationship with lando ended y/n is my new idol now
twitter reacts à©â©â§âË
yourusername just posted stories à©â©â§âË
[captions:
photo 1: lando paid for me to get my nails done !!!
photo 2: :D
photo 3: ur all romanticizing my life rn but this is my view in a fancy ass restaurant]
texts with your best friend à©â©â§âË
yourusername just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
liked by landonorris and 11,276 others
yourusername final days in heaven. iâll miss so much about this place
đ€ tagged bestfriend, landonorris
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user wait she doesnât live in monaco?? sheâs leaving??? just after iâve gotten attached to her and lando???
bestfriend please come back to visit asap i cannot go too long without my y/n cuddles
landonorris seconded
user um lando sir,,, seconded the whole thing? cuddles included?
user this cannot be the end of the meet cute i refuse to
landonorris just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
liked by oscarpiastri and 286,425 others
landonorris safe to say iâve had a pretty good break between races
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user a whole post dedicated to her with THAT caption? oh yep theyâre whipped
user please tell me yâall are going to stay in contact?
user my heart is shattering already
mclaren đ§Ą
user MCLAREN PLEASE YOUâVE DONE IT ONCE BEFORE
texts with lando à©â©â§âË
mclaren interview à©â©â§âË
[transcript:
o: safe to say youâve had a pretty interesting break before this race
l: hey let me remind you what happened for you over winter break!
o: okay but i didnât literally hit my girlfriend with my car!
l: oh so you finally asked her out officially?
o: stop deflecting!
l: okay okay! yeah safe to say i had a nice time. always need a bit of a change in life!
o: so how are things going now?
l: (awkwardly) well you know how itâs⊠yeah
o: ah i get it. quite literally been there done that got the t shirt. but hey you did say all that when i got my big moment about mclarenâ
l: no no no donât give them any ideas! theyâre listening!]
mclaren just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
liked by 203,467 people
mclaren the boys are back! donât forget to check out the new interview on our channel where lando and oscar talk all things hopes for the second half of the season, workouts and⊠girls?
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user mclaren. mclaren look at me. you know what you have to do
mclaren đ
user when oscar asked him about y/n⊠i wanted to cry he looked so sad are things over between them?
oscarsgf @/oscarpiastri youâre such a gossip
oscarpiastri you love me for it
oscarsgf @/oscarpiastri you know what iâm thinking?
oscarpiastri @/oscarsgf plotting?
oscarsgf @/oscarpiastri plotting!
user what on earth is going onâŠ
yourusername just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
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yourusername lately :)
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user you are so ! gorgeous !
user i can see why lando is obsessed
user speaking of⊠where is our favorite brit in the likesâčïž
oscarsgf pretty girl!!!
yourusername oh?!? thank u cutie!!!
user ^ oh their plotting is in progress???
mclaren youâd look good in orangeđđ§Ą
landonorris posted a tweet à©â©â§âË
an email from mclaren à©â©â§âË
yourusername just posted stories à©â©â§âË
mclaren just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
liked by 287,456 people
mclaren itâs race dayđ«Ą
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user WHO IS THE GIRL
user IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS
user PLEASE TELL ME THATS Y/N
user LOOK AT HER STORIES ITS DEFINITELY HER
user SOMEONE WHO IS THERE KEEP US UPDATED PLEASE
user just posted a thread à©â©â§âË
yourusername just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 106,544 others
yourusername i donât know guys, do you think heâs cute?
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user OH MY GOD FINALLY
landonorris i will hit you with my car again
yourusername is that a challenge mr. norris?
landonorris @/yourusername oh you better run fast
yourusername @/landonorris well duh cause you donât know how to do the speed limit
user i love them. i love them so much.
oscarsgf omg can we force the boys to do mclaren double dates
landonorris leave this comment section now
yourusername @/landonorris too late weâre already texting
landonorris just posted a photo à©â©â§âË
liked by yourusername, mclaren and 300,091 others
landonorris we are successful victims of mclarens matchmaking services
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user THEYVE DONE IT AGAINNN
user new fav couple fr
oscarpiastri oh how quickly you all forget me
user @/oscarpiastri WE COULD NEVER
user clearly i need to work for mclaren to get a cute gf
oscarpiastri @/oscarsgf is the second photo giving you flashbacks as well
oscarsgf theyâre stealing our thing
yourusername thank you for posting the nice park date photo of me
landonorris well in all the others youâre mid cartwheel
mclaren glad to be of service𧥠anyone else? @/patriciooward how are you doing?
landonorris iâm gonna stop you right there
âââââââ
a/n: WELL. hello friends. i said i wasnât gonna post a one shot for a while, then this happened. i just hope its up to standard! iâm a little rusty in my writing considering everything!
in regards to new works, gonna be working on getting my wips out soon, and maybe popping some new smaus out at the same time as theyâre easy and quick-ish for me to work on considering everything going on! do forgive me if i do some random family orientated stuff â pregnancy hormones are giving me baby fever for everything (is it still baby fever if youâre having a baby?)
let me know your thoughts in the comments/reblogs/asks â iâve missed talking to you all sm! i have anon emojis available if people wanna chat toođ€
for the first time in a very long time,,, love, giselle xx
taglist (found here): @idkiwantchocolatee @vellicora @alessioayla @bborra @crimeshowjunkie @minkyungseokie @paolexsstuff @celestialpato @champagnelovers101 @loxbbg @hobiismyhopeu @tsukishitm-a @moonypixel @champagneproblems17 @ironmaiden1313 @lqvesoph @sunflower-golden-vol6 @six-call @skatingiswalkingincursive @peqch-pie @m0cha-bunny @woozarts @he6rtshaker @iluvvmeeee @goldenalbon @izzy-marvel @lucyysthings @lichterfee @tallrock35 @treehouse-house @iloveyou3000morgan @scopeiguess @amaranthineghost @gwginnyweasley @hetfieldd @sweetbabygirlsworld @wittywhispers @dark-night-sky-99 @namgification @casperlikej @marshmummy @geniusalpaca
tags for this post: @the-untamed-soul @itsprashimusic @purplephantomwolf @jasminesacademia
#f1 x reader#f1#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris au#lando norris imagine#mclaren#lando norris blurb#lando norris smau#lando norris scenario#lando norris one shot
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It would be hilarious if villains loved Nightwing and were terrified of Officer Dick Grayson.
Dick Grayson- who is used to open spaces and adrenaline- being stuck in a boring bleak office, surviving on shots of coffee and red bull with caffeine that would make Tim concerned.
The thugs soon realised that unlike most of the other cops - Dick was from Gotham.
No one fucks with Gothamites.
Villain *shooting at Dick with machine guns*
Dick *appearing from the shadows behind him*: Boo.
Villain: THIS IS A FIVE STOREY BUILDING HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE
Or
Thief *throwing a counting down bomb at Dick*
Dick: *catching and tossing the bomb at a safe distance before turning round and shooting it so it explodes mid air while running after thief*
Thief: .. what the actual fuck
Dick: Gee look at all that time you had! Shame you threw it away :D
Thief:
Dick: Iâm from Gotham
Thief *realising they fucked up* : Please donât steal my bones
OR
Shooter: *sets elaborate booby traps throughout the houses in an active hostage situation*
Dick *using his training as robin and inhuman flexibility to surpass them with ease*: Ah been a while since I got to have a nice stretch thank you.
Shooter:
Dick:
Shooter:
Dick: .. Hi :)
Shooter: Are you Satan?
AND
In interrogation room
Murderer: I think Iâll take your eyes and add them to my collection
Dick *running on spite and caffeine that could give Superman a sugar rush* : Funny.. I was going to say the same thing to you
Murderer: .. what
Dick: I wouldnât take your eyes though.. they look like the inspiration behind the whole Medusaâs âlook at it and you turn to stoneâ thing-
Murderer: Hey! Take that back before I gut you
Dick *smile stretching wider without blinking* : oh? Or what? I know everything about you. Who says I canât kill you and walk out with everyone being none the wiser? I know how to kill someone too..you arenât special.
Murderer:
Murderer: Iâm scared for my safety.
Because the thing is, Nightwing is who Dick really is. Itâs who he can be free as, be himself as without red tapes and regulations. Where he can give as good as he gets, and heâs kind and empathetic. He gets to help the downtrodden and goes easy on most of them if they give up right away, not to mention the fact that he never causes permanent damage.
But officer Dick Grayson is a different story. He runs on sleepless nights and no self preservation. Seeing an officer with an uncanny skill set theyâre scarily good at, not to mention the cheery attitude he always has scares the shit out of criminals. Cuz no way in hell is a smiling Gothamite not a deranged one. He chases crimes like a bloodhound, and isnât afraid to make good on threats he makes to ensure they never hurt anyone again.
Bonus if the batfam doesnât know about this.
Red hood: Shit I canât believe we ended up in Bludhaven
Red Robin *tying up the corrupt politican* : Since this is a sensitive case, we need someone we can trust to make sure it is seen through.
Red hood: .. So we paying a visit to Officer Grayson?
Politician *screeching* : NO NO NO NO! PLEASE NOT HIM!! JUST KILL ME INSTEAD AND TAKE ALL MY MONEY I CANT DEAL WITH HIM!
Red hood: .. is he fucking serious?
Henchmen: Sir he is. And we agree. Please take our bones and kill us but donât take us to Officer Grayson.
Red Robin: Wait what did he do?
Henchman 1: He asked boss if the hat was sentient.. and said that if it was would it make that hat the top and boss the bottom.
Henchman 2: Last time we met I tried to shoot him but suddenly my gun was blank and he raised his hand and let the ammo drop
Red Hood: Well even I could do that-
Henchman 2: They were my bullets. I had selected the colour personally.
Red robin *growing concerned*
Henchman 3: He sang a lullaby to a child when we were holding the station hostage, and replaced the people with my family members. He even sang their social security numbers!
Henchman 4: Heâs the most dangerous of them all. I ainât shitting ya when I say heâs as scary as the bat from Gotham.
*all nodding in agreement*
Red hood:
Red Robin:
Red hood: Nah that doesnât sound like Dick
Red Robin: Agreed. Letâs go there Hood.
*villainsâ sobbing intensifies*
#batman#dick grayson#jason todd#red hood#nightwing#tim drake#batfam#red robin#officer dick grayson#batfam headcanons#dick Grayson headcanons#dick grayson police officer
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â đđđ„đšđŻđđ
âș PAIRING: yoon jeonghan x female reader
âș GENRE: stepdad au, smut
âș SUMMARY: the story of how you get caught in your stepdadâs web of depraved desires.
âș CW/TW: stepcest, infidelity, age gap, manipulation, dub con, drugging, toxic relationship(s), slight dd/lg themes, daddy kink, dacryphilia, breeding kink, degradation, spanking, dumbification, unprotected sex, riding, cum play, ass play, fingering, multiple rounds, overstimulation, creampies, squirting
âș WC: 4.2k
NOTE: donât like, donât read. once again, i have to thank the amazing @wonustars for beta reading this for me <3
The moment your mom asked you to move back home, you knew things in her marriage were heading south. Itâs not like she didnât want you around, but even you could tell she only asked you to act as a buffer between her and her husband. Like the good daughter you always tried to be, you accept her invitation even though you know it probably wonât be the best idea in the long run.
Things are relatively normal at first. Jeonghan is a sweetheart. He always has been, even dating back to when you were a college freshman and you officially met him. You can tell he tries to keep the peace with you around. That doesnât mean you havenât accidentally overheard your mom and him arguing when they think youâre not around.
Itâs awkward, especially because your mom seems like the bad guy in ninety percent of their fights. You wonder if seeing a marriage counselor will help their situation.
âMy friendâs dad is a marriage counselor,â you casually mention to your mom when itâs only two of you one day. âI can give you the number to his officeââ
Youâre abruptly cut off when your mom slams her spoon down on the table. The look she has on her face is borderline murderous, and you wonder if you shouldâve just kept your mouth shut.
âDid Jeonghan tell you he wants to go to counseling?â She demands, teeth gnashing together as she spits her words.
âWhat? No!â You exclaim wondering why she was so quick to throw the blame on your stepdad. âI just thoughtââ
âI canât believe this shit,â her words are spoken through a bitter chuckle. âYou know, Iâm the one who told him we need to talk to someone. I canât believe he had the audacity to put this idea in your head!â
Despite your attempt to clear up the misunderstanding your mom has, she leaves the house and doesnât come back until the next day. You feel incredibly guilty. Itâs not like you meant to make her angry, and you definitely didnât mean for her to get angry with Jeonghan again.
Your stepdad remains incredibly sweet. He hugs you and rubs your back, assuring you that it wasnât your fault.
âDonât worry, little girl,â Jeonghan says with a kind smile. âYour mom and I will be fine. Just focus on school, okay? I pay a lot of money so you can be the best.â
Heâs teasing you, and youâre not sure why you feel so relieved to know that heâs not angry with you.
Unfortunately for everyone, things get worse before they even have a chance to get better. Eventually, your mom no longer cares to start arguments with her husband even when youâre around.
You canât help but feel sorry for Jeonghan because you can see how exhausted he is. That sweet smile canât hide all the pain and defeat he feels. You wish you could do something to help, but he always pats your head affectionately and tells you to focus on school when you offer.
Itâs not until you come home one night and find him alone in the trashed living room that you know things have gone too far.
âJeonghan?â You say cautiously, walking around the broken glass littered on the floor.
Itâs a mixture of a broken wine bottle and glass from a picture frame. The one that held your motherâs wedding photo. Jeonghan has his head in his hands as you tiptoe around the spilled alcohol to sit next to him. His long hair partially covers his face, but you can see the tear stains on his cheeks.
âJeonghan,â your voice is more firm this time, but still gentle. âWhat happened? Whereâs my mom?â
Your stepdad sniffles and looks up. For a minute, he canât meet your eyes. Even without the eye contact, you can see how broken he is. It makes something inside you break.
âSheâs okay,â he turns to you with that pretty smile of his that you love. Except it doesnât reach his eyes like usual. âShe had a little too much to drink so I laid her down in the guest room.â
Youâre sure heâs talking about the one downstairsâthe one sheâs been sleeping in lately.
âYou still didnât answer my question.â You say, needing to know what happened.
Jeonghan whimpers, and you canât resist the urge to hug him. He closes his eyes as more tears stream down his face. Your stepdad gently buries his face in your neck as you press your body against him, not caring that youâre almost on his lap. All you can think about is comforting him.
âYour mom wants a divorce,â Jeonghan croaks against your wet skin. âSheâSheâthereâs someone else, and Iââ
He cuts himself off with a quiet sob, and your heart just breaks for him. Part of you suspected it. Your mom was the one who would come home late or not at all sometimes. She would often accuse your stepdad of having an affair, but now you just know she was projecting her wrongdoings onto him. It makes you feel sick because even though sheâs your mom, Jeonghan didnât deserve that.
âIâm so sorry,â you say sincerely, stroking his back like he often did to you when you were upset.
As you comfort him, he slips his arms around you and presses you closer to him. An electrifying sensation courses through you when you become aware of how close you two are.
Urges that youâve tried so hard to push to the depths of your mind suddenly rush forward, and now you canât stifle them or pretend they donât exist. Especially now that youâve realized that your mom doesnât deserve such a wonderful man.
So, you throw away every scrap of morality you have left in you and give into your depraved desires.
Jeonghan lets out a shocked noise when you push him back on the couch and straddle him. His eyes go wide and his mouth drops open in awe. You grin when he doesnât immediately push you off, taking it as a sign to swoop down for a kiss.
He softly moans into your mouth, overwhelmed by how warm and soft you are. Jeonghan whimpers as tears keep streaming down his face, trembling when you pull away from him.
âItâs okay, daddy,â you purr in his ear, grinding your dampening cunt against his growing bulge. âLet me take care of you.â
Jeonghan shakes his head, hands slowly settling on your waist as if he wants to push you away. Except he doesnât.
Instead, he lets you stay on his lap. Your stepdad doesnât try to stop you even as you move in closer and start to undo his pants. He can easily push you off, but he doesnât. Not even when you reach into his underwear to palm his growing cock. Heâs hard. Really fucking hard.
âWait, babyââ the pet name falls easily, and you love it.
âShh, daddy,â you coo as you take him out of his pants. âJust let me touch you. Let me make you feel better.â
âOh, god,â Jeonghan mewls when you start to stroke him.
Your stepdadâs cock is long and thick and oozing with precum. You lick your lips as you slowly move your hand, eyes trained on Jeonghanâs pretty face. You can tell he feels guilty, and you donât blame him. Heâs such a good guy that he wouldnât want to hurt your mom, even after everything sheâs done to him.
âWe⊠we shouldnât do this,â Jeonghan protests weakly.
When you get off his lap, he fights a whine even though he knows itâs for the best. Once again you surprise him by slipping out of your clothes and getting back on top of him. His pupils are blown wide when he sees your bare tits and cute pussy.
âHoney,â Jeonghanâs voice has gone deeper, eyes fixed on your body. âThis is wrong.â
You ignore him because his cock is twitching and standing to attention. Gently, you cradle the back of his head and press his face to your chest. Your warm tits envelop him, and heâs delirious. You smell so good that it makes his brain fuzzy. Jeonghan feels his cock twitch when you reach for it again, and this time he doesnât try to stop you.
âPlease, daddy,â you beg as you glide your slick cunt over his throbbing cock. âI need your cock. Need it so fucking bad.â
A deep groan escapes him because you feel so warm and wet. Jeonghan just knows youâll feel so good wrapped around his cock.
âYou deserve my little pussy,â you whisper in his ear, pressing down harder on him. âDeserve to fuck someone who wonât ever make you feel so terrible.â
âGod, baby,â Jeonghan grunts when he feels your dripping pussy nudging the head of his cock. His resolve is weak, and he doesnât want to fight it anymore.
His moan syncs with yours when you slowly sink down on his cock. Your little cunt is so hot and tight. Jeonghan canât think about things like guilt because he feels too fucking good. A nice, wet pussy wrapped around his neglected cock, sucking him in and squeezing him just right. Heâs been so lonely and miserable lately that you feel like absolute heaven to him.
âSuch a naughty little girl,â Jeonghan growls when you start to rock in his lap. You tighten around him and hold on to the back of his head when you start to bounce.
âDaddy,â you whimper as your juices coat his cock.
Jeonghanâs lips brush against your nipples as your bounces grow more eager. You clench around his fat cock when his weeping tip brushes against your sweet spot. Your stepdad lets out a mixture of a groan and a wail of pleasure as you keep riding him.
Youâre lost in pleasure with the feeling of your stepdadâs hard cock twitching and throbbing inside you. It turns you on that heâs strong enough to push you off of him, but never attempts to. You cry out loudly when his hands curl around your waist to help you fuck his cock the way he likes it.
Jeonghanâs lidded gaze is focused on where you two are connected, watching as his cock disappears in and out of your little pussy with every rough bounce. He feels his balls start to tighten with his impending release. Never in his life has he felt so turned on. The way his stepdaughter is just using his cock like a toy is just driving him closer to the edge.
âDaddy,â you purr in Jeonghanâs ear. âYou like my pussy better than my momâs, donât you?â
You already have your answer from the way he twitches and throbs inside you, his cock answering for him. It makes you happier than you expect. Of course, it would be you. Your pussy was made for him, and youâll make sure he feels the same way by the end of the night.
âFuck yeah I do,â Jeonghan groans as his hands go down to squeeze your ass. âLove this little princess cunt.â
You cry out loudly as your orgasm abruptly hits, coating his cock and balls with your essence. âFuck, daddy! Itâs yours! Only yours! You can have this princess pussy every day!â
Your fucked out moans do their job in pushing Jeonghan over the edge. He grips your hips and flips you under him, buries his head in your shoulder and frantically fucks you into the couch as he starts to spill his cum inside you. Lewd squelching fills the air as you happily wrap your legs around him and meet his thrusts to help him fuck his cum deeper inside you.
The both of you are panting by the time youâre done, but your stepdad makes no move to get off of you.
âDonât think weâre done, little girl,â his voice is ravenous. âDaddyâs not letting you off this cock until youâre nice and stretched out.â
Thatâs how you end up on the bed he shares with your mother, face down and ass up as you beg for his cock. Jeonghan smirks, eyes trained on your sloppy hole. You look so hot like this, and he knows that he wonât ever let you go after tonight.
âWhat a nasty slut,â Jeonghan says, palms smoothing over the globes of your ass to keep you still. âDripping all over my sheets. You want daddyâs cock that bad, honey?â
You whine and arch your back some more. âI need it!â
âYeah?â You can tell heâs smirking. âDo you even care that your mom might wake up and see what a nasty slut her daughter is?â
You shake your head, pussy clenching around nothing. âJust want daddyâs cock in my little pussy.â
âDonât worry, little girl,â Jeonghan groans as he kneels behind you. âDaddyâs going to stuff this needy hole and cover it with his cum.â
âPlease!â
You cry out when Jeonghan shoves his thick cock into your clenching pussy. He bottoms out in a single thrust since youâre already so wet from when you rode him earlier. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, whining his name when you feel his balls slap against your clit.
âOh, fuck,â your stepdad hisses. âYour little princess pussy keeps sucking me in, honey.â
Jeonghan spanks your ass. You moan loudly and clench down on his aching cock. âMhm, just needed daddyâs cock to fill you up, huh?â
âYes, daddy, yes!â You moan into his sheets.
The thick musk of sex fills the air as Jeonghan pulls his twitching cock out of you halfway only to slam it back into your needy cunt. You squeal and tighten around him when you feel him spread your ass and gently trace your asshole. His thumb slips down to gather juices from your dripping pussy and slides it back up to your asshole, gently pushing past the taut muscle. Your pussy clamps down on his dick hard, making him moan loudly.
âCanât wait to break in this tight little hole too,â Jeonghanâs voice is thick with lust. âGonna train you to take daddyâs cock in every hole.â
You moan and bounce back against him, cunt pulsing around his cock as his thumb slips in and out of your clenching rim. âDaddy!â
Jeonghan laughs in delight. âSounds like you like it.â
You nod your head, and Jeonghan fucks into you harder, balls slapping against your sloppy cunt with every rough thrust. âGod, youâre fucking tight.â
He groans when your sweet little pussy clenches around him again.
âFeels so fucking good, daddy,â you say as your eyes roll to the back of your head. âLove your big cock.â
You cry out in pleasure when his hand pulls away from your ass to slip his fingers over your hip to pinch and rub your sensitive clit.
âIs my little girl already cock drunk?â Jeonghan is way too pleased when you deliriously nod your head with a fucked out mewl.
Youâre fucking perfect. It makes him wish he wouldâve done this sooner.
âMy pretty little slut,â Jeonghan coos adoringly. âJust a sweet little hole to dump my load into. Isnât that right, baby?â
You shiver and meet his thrusts with more vigor, âYes! Stuff my little hole full of your cum, daddy!â
âFucking shit,â Jeonghan hisses as he grabs your hair and yanks you backward to give you a sloppy kiss.
His hips never stop, only snapping harder against you.
âIâll give it to you, honey. Daddyâs going to cream your hot little cunt all night long.â
You mewl in satisfaction when your head is shoved back into the mattress as you keep getting railed hard. Wet slapping fills the room as your stepdad continues spearing you open on his cock. The smell of sex permeates the room as Jeonghan keeps using your body for his pleasure.
âDaddyâs close, baby,â Jeonghan groans.
You moan loudly. âGonna cum, daddy!â
Youâre moaning so loud now, and you donât really care that your mom might wake up and come upstairs to catch her husband fucking you raw. All you can care about is how good you feel. You grind your pussy down on your stepdadâs throbbing cock while his fingers rub fast circles on your puffy clit.
âYeah? Do it, honey.â Jeonghan leans forward to bite your shoulder. âCream on me. Want to feel your juices all over my cock.â
His cock pistons in and out of your hot cunt, ramming against your g-spot repeatedly until all you can do is chant his name. Youâre a moaning mess at this point, only caring about the white-hot pleasure youâre feeling.
âGonna cum!â You slur out, drool dripping on the mattress.
âCum for daddy, baby. Cum all over this cock.â
With those commanding words, Jeonghan spanks your cunt hard, palm coming down on your clit over and over until youâre screaming out in pleasure. Itâs not long before your orgasm hits. Slick gushes out around his cock as he keeps fucking into that spongy spot and spanking your pussy. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as liquid spurts from your pussy and coats his cock and balls, making a mess all over the sheets.
It feels like electricity is coursing through your body from how intense you cum. Your fingers and toes curl in on themselves as your cunt pulses and clenches down on his cock.
âFuck yes,â Jeonghan growls, as he keeps pounding into your fluttering pussy. âDidnât know you were a squirter, little girl. So fucking sexy.â
It only takes a few more thrusts for him to bury himself deep inside your cunt and release his hot load inside you. Thick spurts of cum fill you up as he moans your name like itâs something holy. Jeonghan fucks his cum deeper inside you, making no move to slip out of your spent pussy.
However, youâre not done. Far from it, actually.
Jeonghan quickly flips you on your back, one hand on your hip and his other on your thigh. Heâs spreading you open and holding you down as he starts to roll his hips into you. A deep groan leaves his mouth every time you clench down on him.
âDaâaddy!â You cry out at a particularly sharp thrust that slams against your sweet spot and has you clenching violently around him, teetering on the edge already.
Jeonghan smirks, loving what a cock hungry slut you are. Not that heâs any better. Heâs already addicted to your sweet little cunt.
âI know, honey, I know,â he coos in a sickly sweet voice as he continues to fuck you deep and hard. âDaddyâs cock feels good, huh?â
You nod stupidly, all coherent thoughts long gone from your mind. âUh-huh. Feels soâso good!â
Jeonghan spits on your pussy as you grasp the sheets underneath you. Youâre dripping all over him, making an obscene squelching noise every time his cock hits deep inside your tight pussy. He loves the way your pretty pussy opens up to let his aching cock inside. The way you grip him is the hottest sight heâs ever seen, and he knows nothing will ever compare.
âDaddy,â you mewl, barely able to think.
The only thing on your mind is that you want him to cum inside you again. You canât voice your thoughts because an orgasm rocks your body all over again. Jeonghan laughs delightedly, loving how you keep wetting his dick with your orgasms.
âDirty little girl,â he growls, bullying his cock into you harder than before. âMaking such a mess on daddyâs cock.â
You mewl again, âI needâŠâ
âNeed what, baby?â Jeonghan coaxes as he starts to rub slow circles on your throbbing clit. âSay it. Tell daddy what you need, honey.â
âN-Need you toâ!â His voice is so sweet that all you can do is break off into another moan. Your pussy tightens and stains his cock with more cream. All you can smell is sex and Jeonghanâs cologne. It only pushes you close to the edge once again.
Jeonghan laughs softly and fucks into you just a little harder, âYou need me to...? Use your words, little girl. Daddy canât give you what you want if you donât tell him. Better hurry before your mom wakes up and finds you getting fucked like the nasty whore you are.â
That wonât happen, but you donât need to know that. Although he can tell the thought of your mom catching you in their bed, fucking like animals, turns you on.
âCum inside me, daddy. Please.â
Your words are slightly slurred and completely fucked out, and Jeonghan bites his lip before smirking down at you. Thereâs no way he can deny you his seed, especially when youâre asking him so nicely.
âThere you go, honey. Take all of daddyâs cum like a good little slut.â
You and Jeonghan moan together when he spills his hot cum inside you. He fucks it into you like the last two times, loving how your tight pussy flutters and pulses around him. Youâre such a good girl that you thank him repeatedly through a moan.
The rest of the night you two fuck in every position possible. Jeonghan is insatiable, and youâre tired and completely fucked out before he even thinks about letting you off his cock.
Jeonghan has your back pressed against his chest, a strong arm wrapped around your neck as he pounds you into his mattress. All of your previous orgasms leak on the sheets beneath you as you cry and gasp from the overstimulation. It all feels so good, but you donât think you can handle any more.
âDaddy,â you whimper pathetically. âC-Canât cum anymore.â
It feels like your head is starting to spin as his cock splits your pussy open. Jeonghan pounds into your g-spot relentlessly, cock swelling when he sees the tears streaming down your face. His cock twitches and throbs because despite your words, youâre still moving your hips to meet his thrusts.
Your stepdad smirks meanly. âIs that why you keep rutting against me like a nasty slut, little girl?â
You cry out when Jeonghan releases you and sits up to roughly smack your ass. He repeats the harsh motion until youâre screaming in pleasure. Your cunt clenches around him, hips involuntarily bucking back in an attempt to force his fat dick deeper into your tiny little pussy. Itâs like an automatic reaction, but your stepdad loves it.
âJust lay there and let daddy breed you, honey,â Jeonghan growls when you give him another weak orgasm. He groans and smacks your ass as he forces the juices out of your soiled cunt with every snap of his hips. âBe a good cock sleeve for me.â
âWant it so bad, daddy!â You cry out, pussy fucked raw yet still so desperate for another one of his hot loads. âBreed me like the slut I am.â
âWant you to scream for me, baby.â Jeonghan moans as his head falls back. He pounds into your hot cunt harder, gripping your hips tighter as he chases his orgasm, using your pussy to get himself off. âLet your mother know how much you love your stepdadâs cock.â
âDADDY!â You scream at the top of your lungs, almost hoping your mom will walk upstairs and see her husband stuffing you full of cum on their marital bed.
Jeonghan cries out as his balls tighten up. His moan is loud as you cry out in pleasure, your pussy involuntarily giving him a fifth orgasm as he spills rope after rope of cum into your sopping pussy. He fucks you nice and deep, whispering filthy praises in your ear the entire time.
Your stepdad lets out a low hiss as he pulls his softening cock out of your sloppy pussy. He licks his lips and forces his cum back in with three of his fingers, pressing so deep into you that his wedding band touches your puffy little pussy lips, making you whine.
âSuch a good little girl,â Jeonghan coos as he fingers his cum back into your pussy with a filthy smirk. âMy pretty little slut.â
Youâre completely fucked out, feeling completely satiated as you slump into the bed. You mewl softly when Jeonghan pulls you into his arms and starts to rub soothing circles on your pussy.
âSleep, baby. Iâll be here when you wake up.â
He presses a gentle kiss on your temple, and just like that youâre out like a light.
Jeonghan smirks into your hair when your breathing evens out and you fall into a deep sleep. Thereâs no better feeling than knowing his plan worked perfectly.
Admittedly, your mom played a significant role. With her insecure and angry personality, it was easy to make himself look like the victim. Faking the maudlin expressions and crushed spirit was easy enough, especially since youâve always been so empathetic. Getting his wife to stay out all night was easy since he always lied and told her heâd be at the bar. She went looking for him every single time not knowing he was at home, fucking his fist to the thought of you.
And then there was the final act.
Inviting his unsuspecting wife for a drink was easy enough. Despite all of the fighting, she still wanted to have Jeonghan to herself. She couldnât have known that he spiked her drink so he could stage the perfect tragedy. It worked perfectly since you didnât think twice about believing him.
Everything has worked out as he hoped, and now all he has to think of is the future with his true beloved. You.
#jeonghan smut#svt smut#yoon jeonghan smut#jeonghan x reader#svt x reader#seventeen smut#yoon jeonghan x reader#jeonghan x you#seventeen x reader
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losing my religion // dark!cult leader!rafe x innocent!reader
summary ; god loves you but not enough to save you.
warnings : mentions of religions. manipulation. cult. smut. corruption kink. small town church trope. religious trauma. purity/innocence kink. slight of god complex. first time. dark/soft!rafe. mentions of murder. sweet lamb trope. coercion. smoking. little age gap. heaven goal. mentions of size kink. glorification. be careful with the warnings. minors DNI.
author's note : it's around 5k words. pfiouuuu. televangelism by ethel cain playing in the background please.
â father, will i go to heaven ? â
â father, will i be this good all my life ? â
â father, where was god when i thought he was there ? â
â father, did god let me sin on purpose ? â
you lived in a small remote village, the kind of town where everyone knew each other, and where there were no secrets. well, you thought there were no secrets because everyone here was a true and firm believer. all the locals lived for god. and you would do anything for him and for your ticket to heaven. you had been baptized as a baby and had grown up as a child of the lord, and his most faithful angel. you have acted so well since your childhood and were sure that your death will be a pleasant trip to paradise.
you went to church every day because you always had something to say to god, to ask him, to make him understand. you prayed to speak to him, for him to see you, for him to hear you, for him to know how grateful you were for the life he had given you. your parents had always recommended that you cherish your existence, but also everything that happened to you, the misfortunes as well as the pleasures. life was neither all rosy, nor all white, nor gray or black. you were the only person to give it color. so your religious sister told you that you just needed to know how to paint, but that sometimes you would fail, you would fail but that it didn't matter. because you will make a masterpiece again sooner or later.
you were a devoted child, a faithful lamb with no anger inside, but above all full of love. you gave it to everyone when god had taught you and commanded you to share it as much as possible, that it was this feeling that would bring peace on earth. and who did not want peace, who did not want to please his creator? you were a good girl, so sweet and innocent, the kind sweetheart of the town, incapable of harm or sin, always dressed in your white dress and your little black shoes. you wear everything that can please god. you walked through the church hallway to join the choir, holding the candles. the world had his eyes on you, but especially this tall man lodged in the dark corner.
this man was not god and you knew it, because god would never look at you that way.
you wouldn't know how to describe this gaze on you, but it made you uncomfortable. you continued to move forward, holding the flame preciously against you. you sang with your angelic voice, glory to the almighty, glory to the one who made your existence so beautiful, to bring your back to life every time you felt, and this guy was still staring at you like you were the only person that existed, like the world had taken away the entire universe except you.
maybe you were an angel. after all, you were among the Lord's faithful.
you had never dated a man in your life. your parents and god forbid you, because you needed to stay pure for the good one. you had to remain virgin and clean for your future husband. you were forbidden to look at them, touch them or talk to them except for church activities. you were so loved by god so you had no right to sin, no fucking right to betray him. you had to remain as intact as the mother of everyone, as virgin mary.
you were as holy as the bible, the treasure of the creator. you were devoted like a lamb to his owner, as the followers to the cult leader.
you had never experienced something like touching yourself, making yourself feel good, and anything that included carnal pleasures. you didn't know about pornography, sexuality and lust. you walked away from it as if it were the devil. you were unable to make your god mad, you were too scared for that.
you were faithful to the lord. you helped the people of the village, homeless, the destitute, poor children, the elderly, you helped the world become a better place even when it seemed to be turning against you.
at the end of the mass, everyone, the priest had sent you to collect the funds from the locals.
you were standing in front of the steps. people were always kind and smiling to you as you were collecting funds for the church.
and you had been waiting for this voice to come at you.
âdo you really want to go to heaven ? â
you turned to face the man from earlier, the one hidden in the benches. you answered him with the sweetest smile, and the most nervous look. "yes, i do everything to go there. am i not good enough ? "
âeverything?â the stranger had laughed kindly, but it had offended you slightly with that soft giggle.
â why are you laughing ? this is not funny. â
â slow down, baby. you're too pretty to get on your nerves. â he had pulled out a cigarette.
âwill you forget God for a second and be an angel to me ? â
â God is in my heart, is in me. i can't forget him, even for a second. he's the reason why i'm living. â
â be sweet, angel and light it for me. don't say no, your divine father is watching you, you don't want him to catch you refusing to help a stranger and be mad at you? â you looked at him with strange open eyes but you accepted. because he was right.
you didn't know how to say no to people. God didn't teach you to say no. people needed to help the people.
you lit his cigarette, and during the whole process he looked at you, his glare scanned your face. you were staring at him, and saw your own silhouette in his eyes, your shadow dancing in the perfect blue of his pupils.
you felt the heat in your cheeks, the burn of his gaze on your skin. you were unwell. you didn't like this situation, the unsteady feeling, the stranger proximity.
when you met him, you felt like a sinner more than a believer.
but he smiled at you. the soft kind of smile that made you forget everything, that made you feel so dumb.
âwould i go to heaven now?â you teased him with a small laugh to echo his words.
ânot yet but i can help you if you want if you're serious about that.â he answered.
â i'm serious. â you were really curious, and he had your full attention. you knew it wasn't good to talk for that long with a man. especially, older. but you took the risk.
you should have stopped when he complimented you because your parents said that men who are nice to girls like you always have bad intentions. but there was also something so charming and bewitching about this man. the way he was adorable. you didnât see the evil in him.
âi really want to go to heaven, i swear on my life, sir. â
â sir ? such a polite thing but i'm not that old, sweetheart. i'm tall, not too old. â
â anyways, i really want to go to heaven !! â
âyou already said it, doll. i think God is tired of hearing it now. he wants proof, you know. he needs to see how devoted you are to him. â
âhow can i prove it to him?â
"i know God. i talk to him every day. i am his ruler. do you know what that means? that i am the one who decides for him whether people go to heaven or not. i am his most loyal servant, so he trusts me.â
âare you really connected to God?â
"you are too. we all are but the difference is that i can take you to heaven. i promise you." he placed his hand on your cheek, caressing it gently , a tender and unique gesture that made you shyly smile. âiâm not an angel. not yet.â
"yes, i assure you. i knew it as soon as i saw you in that church. join me." he announced with a warm voice.
âyou have always been divine, i never doubted it. you have to go to heaven, you understand? you can't behave so well, be so charitable and disappoint God? and you wouldn't dare doing it, don't you, pretty lamb ? because do you think he will forgive you ? no, sweetheart. you will be punished and rejected like every sinners. â
â you're wrong ! God loves me ! â
âyou don't understand. you must be perfect until the end, you must be a great god masterpiece, not his biggest failure. you can't just be the chorus of this choir, be the beautiful thing who holds the candles at mass, the kind soul who helps others. you can't be just that when i can offer you even better and absolutely everything you want. any of your wishes. join me and i will make all your wishes come true, i will make you the new face of the paradise. i will make God see you everywhere. â
"it seems so unreal...i don't know..."
he had cut you. he didn't want to give you time to think, leaving room for the barrier of doubt."you have to join me, isn't that what you wanted? for me to find you? if you believe in god, you have to be a good girl, make the right choices. "
âokayâŠ.â you finally agreed.
he waited for you in his car, one hand on the steering wheel. and you joined him inside. there was so much euphoria in you. you felt like you were doing something so right, so you had this goofy smile on your face.
"does God think i'm a good believer ? i pray every day, i attend mass every time, i sing in the choir and in my rooms all the songs dedicated to him. i only have the Bible as a book and i read it all the time. i can't do anything wrong. i'm good, i promise, i'm good. â
"is that true? you'll have to show me so I can tell."
âIâm going to pray for you too.â you added. âI pray for all the souls in this world.â
âoh yes my angel will pray for me. i want to hear your prayers, all your prayers about me. but not in front of me. "
â why ? â
â seeing you bent on your knees for me will make me sin. i wish you could see the kind of temptation you are. â
you had arrived in front of a mansion. you were so flustered and nervous. you didn't understand what you were doing in front of this place, and why he had brought you here. he took your hand, reassuring you with his touch, and guided you inside.
you were not alone. there were other people, women and men. all dressed slightly the same, as if there was a regulation outfit. the atmosphere was strange, a little sectarian. there was an organ playing in the background, and everyone was looking at you kindly so you tried to relax.
"don't be afraid. they're like you, they just want to go to heaven. can you understand?"
you nodded and he showed you around all the places. he even showed you a room and said it would be yours. she was pretty, absolutely perfect but she wasn't yours. not that of your house.
"I'm not going home?..."
"what do you mean? this is your home now. we're a family."
"a family? i have parents, they will worryâŠâ
"i thought you wanted to be close to God. were they lies? you know, you shouldn't joke with religion, and with words. if you want to be a good little christian, if you want to go to heaven, it is to me, and only to me, that you must be devoted.â
"I...I...no, i promise! I'm sincere! i'm sorry, really, I'm sorry. " you now felt terrible. there were so many tears in your eyes, you couldn't even see the room clearly.
the man smiled before taking you in his arms. "it's nothing, you just need to be clearer with your words, okay? I'm your only savior, you don't need others.â
he had wiped the tears from your cheeks. âI have a gift for youâŠâ he whispered and you found your smile again.
no one ever gave you gifts. it was so rare. âopen itâ he told you.
it was a dress. not the one you usually wore. âyou have to put it on. don't you want to shine, shooting star ? â
" now ? "
"now." his voice was a little firmer.
âi canât change in front of youâŠâ you admitted. "you're a man...and I'm a girl...it's sinful, it's like having sex! we have to get married to have that intimacy. "
he smiled and laughed. "you've never been naked in front of someone? you've never left this body in front of someone else?"
he had approached, slipping up behind you, towering over you with his height, his hands resting on the corners of your trembling shoulders.
âmy sweet thing, itâs as if youâre begging me to corrupt you.â
âwhat do you mean?â
âthat i must see this body.â
" Is it bad?"
âWhat would be bad, angel, would be to upset me.â
he had pulled the tab of your dress to lower it a little. there were shivers in your body. you felt like you were doing something wrong.
"you're not doing anything wrong. this is what god wants you to do. he told me."
" It's true ? "
â only the truth. just now. i wouldn't dare lying to you, my sweet. â
there was nothing you could refuse god. If it were his will, you would do anything.
"but I've never done anything like that? I always thought it was wrong, that I didn't have the right."
he pulled your dress down to the floor, your naked body revealed in the mirror. you could feel his gaze growing more intense as he took in everything you had shown him. "is my body okay? I mean, this is the first time anyone has seen it so..."
"sweetheart, I've never seen anything so beautiful. but I don't just have to see it to judge it, I have to touch it. will you let me ? "
âLust is a sin.â
âdo you want to know my name?â
you had just now realized that you didn't even know his identity. you nodded your head.
ârafe.â he spelled it. â you must know my name to pray for me, but also to glorify me.â
âglorify ?â
"you must glorify me. salute me and worship me. these are the rules if you want to go to heaven. you must be devoted, I told you.."
" fineâŠâ
he sat on the bed, and you moved closer but he stopped you.
"no, no. all this sweetness but no useful brain ? â he mocked. â to worship me, you must be on your knees. â he said, crossing his arms on his chest.
â treat me as the same way you treat your god, angel. because this is what i am to you. i want to see your legs bow down for me, i want to see them treading the ground up to me. i want to see that precious look at the same height of my knees, let me see that head lifted up to glory me. "
he had lit a cigarette, the fourth since you had spoken, and had smiled when you started walking on your knees towards him.
he pressed his hand against the growing bulge in his pants.
âopen your mouth.â he commanded and you obeyed, and he slipped his cigarette between your lips. âdonât smoke it, hold it only. don't go against my rules. can i trust this dumb baby brain for once to not disappoint me ? â
he had taken off his pants, with his boxers. and you turned your head, strongly ashamed by his action.
he mocked gently. âin your place, i would not look away, that would avoid unpleasant surprises when this thing will be buried inside your virgin cunt, sweetheart. â
he had retrieved his cigarette, and turned your head towards him.
"I can't believe you've never seen one. you've been such a good girl to me. you've been waiting for me. "
âwill god hate me?â
âhow can i show it to you?â
"it's not god you have to fear, it's me, sweetheart because I'm the only one who will decide for you from now on. do you understand? I have to be sure that you are deserving."
âgive me your hand. let me guide you...do you trust me? â
â i trust you, rafe. â
he had positioned your hand on his cock which was already hard. you shivered. your hand was clumsy around his painfully boner. yet you had heard him let out a grunt.
his fingers moved with yours, accompanying you in his lewd movements. you had god in your head, heart and body but your fingers fisted around that thick dick made you warm and good. you hated that feeling, but you can't deny the pleasure. it was the first time. you weren't used to it. you moved back and forth with little confidence, while he kept your grip around his bulge. you followed his back and forth, pumping him with fragility. you weren't sure if it felt good but his muscles had tightened.
your fist slid over his length, your hand working massively. your touch was divine, he threw his head back. you could feel his abs twitching in synch.
âopen those legs. let me see that sweet untouched pussy. i'm gonna take such good care of it. are you still trusting me ? â
â yesâŠâ
you didn't want to. it flowed between your thighs, the wetness spurted in a mess on the floor. and you weren't sure if that was a good thing. you couldn't tell if it was pleasure or not. it was new to you.
âtrust me, you donât want to make me repeat that a second time. do you ? â
and that was enough for you to bend to his will.
"you feel, baby ? the sweet mess between your legs ? don't hide from me. â
you continued to masturbate him up and down. you turned him on so much that he already wanted to come in your hand. his cock twitched in your hold and his balls slapped repeatedly against his skin.
"does that make you feel good? do I need to do better? do you want me to put my lips on..."
he had cum on your face. and you stepped back in surprise. âlet me clean you upâŠâ
you came back to him thinking he was going to wipe you but he caught his seed with his fingers, and brought them to your mouth. âif you donât want me to put them down your throat, you better lick them now.â
you lapped up every last bit of cum on his fingers until they turned white again. you knew he was serious when he threatened you. "that wasn't really a warning, I'll do it someday. I really want to use every part of your body. and you'll let me. yes ?â
âwhatever you want...â
he smiled and stroked your hair. âyou learn quickly.â
you didnât really know why but his recognition made you happy. she had an impact on you. you needed, and sought, his validation. it promised you to be even closer to god, to show god that you were faithful to him.
you had this urgency to please rafe, to show him that you could be really good.
for rafe, you were another girl that he led into his cult, another lamb in the troop. you were perfect, you always had the profile. he knew it as soon as he saw you.
he had come to the church only to see you. he attended every mass and ceremony hoping to corrupt you. you were so innocent, so kind and so sweet, and above all, you were ready for anything.
you prayed every day and read the Bible. so you had a desire, a goal, a faith.
he had placed you on his legs, his hands caging your waist, wrapping each part of your hips. âIâm going to make you an angel.â he had said, rubbing the tip of his cock against your wet entrance.
âIâm going to go to heaven?â
"it's heaven that will beg for you to come to it, I can even say. but you still have to do one thing for me..."
âtell me. Iâll do anything.â
" good. i really want you to take that dick. show me how much you want to reach eden, i want to see god in you when i'm fucking you. i want to hear prayers in that mouth for how i make you feel, how perfect i am to you and that sweet cunt of yours.â
you rubbed your dripping pussy against his cock, feeling the feverish, leaking tip against your slick folds. you had gently entered him between your impenetrable walls until now, letting out a long and loud moan when you felt his dick getting even harder inside you. It took you several bounces on his thighs to get used to, your pussy stretching around him. you could feel every inch of his length filling your canal but also widening it.
his large hands covered your ass, gripping the gummy flesh of your cheeks, his body moving and following your movements. he had grabbed your face to force a kiss from your already open lips, sliding his tongue against yours. a drool dripped from your jaw, as your pelt slammed and bounced violently against his. your hands were around his neck, trying to keep up the pace.
seeing you struggling and jiggling, he laughed. âeven if you had prayers, you couldnât even say them, too fucking dumb for that shit, right now ? â
and it was true, you weren't even able to say a word without gurgling. you had tears streaming down your face, your moans were locked against rafe's glossy and pretty mouth, and you were trying hard to take his big cock as best you could. his dick was stuck between your sticky walls, your breasts hitting her toned chest.
âkeep going, youâre perfectâŠâ his smile was evil because it motivated you.
you were riding him without even being able to think. you were a fragile little thing doing bad things with a bad guy.
but you wanted to please him. you wanted rafe cameron to think you were good and deserving. you wanted to go to heaven, so you did your best.
and he knew it. you had broken your purity for him.
you were convinced to do something right, convinced that god saw you and that he would be proud to see you so devoted to him.
you didnât see the harm. you were an angel and you let a demon corrupt you.
you had succumbed to man and his vices, you had let sin enter into you, and let it do you good.
rafe knew what he was doing. you had been his prey. and he couldn't wait to see you at his feet, to make you his perfect doll that he could handle so easily.
because it was only the beginning before you were completely his, completely in control of you, choosing what you eat, what you want, what you wear, what you think.
you were his and his only.
you were his nice girl, not god's one, the one who smiled at everyone, who always prayed in the church pews, who helped those most in need.
he had found you and snatched you from god. because it wasn't him to whom you owed your life. you were wrong and he had to correct that.
you were an angel, and he loved seeing you cry for him. your tears was made for being looked by his ocean eyes, to felt loved by his kisses.
he was completely buried inside you, plunged so deep that you were completely dizzy. and every time you thought he couldn't go any further, he surprised you. you were pretty sure he could put a baby inside you right now, just from the way his cock thrusted inside you, invading your shaking body.
you had squirted and cried, accompanying your tears with apologies. "you're fine. it's just means you liked it. it will also happen to me, angel. don't worry.â
the more he called you angel, the more you began to believe that you were one. you had squirted again but now you weren't scared anymore because he had reassured you. you had been afraid that it would be a disgusting thing and that he wouldnât want you anymore.
but it was so strange. he was both gentle and cold.
âstop...Iâm going to be pregnant!â
"that's not how it works...but if that's what you want, I can take care of it...whatever the angel wants.â
after that day, your life had been totally different, completely transformed by rafe.
you were part of this community now. you were all brothers and sisters, united for a common goal. you always prayed. but above all, you were completely manipulated. you were so controlled that you forgot your family, your friends, your entourage, your involvement in church. only god remained with you. he was still there.
you wore the outfits rafe wanted you to wear, you ate the food he wanted, you only talked about topics he allowed, you became someone else. you were what he wanted you to be.
but one night you heard god. you were sure it was his voice in the darkness. you were sleeping in rafe cameronâs arms, his bicep resting on your stomach. it was strange to see him sleeping like a child when he behaved like that.
you had begun to follow godâs voice in the darkness, your feet pacing and pacing through the empty hallways. the light guided you, it was he who accompanied you. he pulled you out, into the huge garden.
âdo you think you can leave? do you think you can leave me ? are you that fucking dumb ? â
Rafeâs voice made you jump. you weren't sure if you woke him up because you were a quiet person. but now he was in front of you, and he really didn't look very happy.
"I have to leave..."
âIâm afraid you canât.â
âgod spoke to me.â
"oh really? god may be talking to you but you need to listen to me. aren't you grateful for the life i gave you? didn't you want to be good? you're tear up your ticket to paradise. just bury yourself alive at this point."
tears had started to fall down your cheeks. you felt trapped because you didn't know who to listen to. god or this man?
your feet moved towards rafe. as you approached, his arms stretched out as if to reassure you.
âiâm sorryâŠ.i'm really sorryâŠ..â
âi know you are but you also know that itâs not enough.â
âso tell me what i need to do to be good enough? â
âyou must sacrifice yourself. â he said with that deep serious tone.
you looked at him with fear. you couldn't kill yourself.
â i canât kill myself, rafeâŠâ
âi know, angel but don't worry, i will. â
â what do you mean ? i always did what you wanted me to do, i always been so good to you, i never be against you and your rules ! you promised me heaven, you promised me....everything. was that a lie ? you 'ever be serious to me ? answer me...never ? rafe, i was all what you wanted me to be, even that was not enough for you ? â
â i really wish you were. any last word, baby? â
â can you at least shoot me in the heart ? â
â tell me why...â
â it's the last part of me you never took away from me. but now that i will die, you can take it. it's all yours. â
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