#smth smth the fear of not really knowing if you’re *really* safe or if you’re just a sleeper agent waiting for the right trigger to change

[tovaicas]

estinien gets blessed armour from ratatoskr and all rouvastre got was her blood curse compounding tenfold during the lightwarden fiasco this dichotomy is hilarious

[sushiyuzu]

Hiii, I was wondering if you could make smth with a fem-reader who gets super angry, like destructive when mad bcus she lacks self-control rlly bad (for me I'm mentally ill lol) so when she gets mad her s/o usually walks in to her room destroyed with a crying reader in the corner, especially when she hasn't been taking her meds it ends up like that, and can you do this with Megumi, Yuta, and Sukuna

a safe comfort 🤍

a/n: thank you so much for trusting me with this request! it was my second time receiving and writing a fanfic request, and i truly appreciate the support! please remember to take care of yourself, especially if you're struggling with mental health—your well-being is so important! <3

warning: this story includes themes of mental illness, destructive behavior, and emotional distress. please proceed with caution.

megumi fushiguro

it starts as a small thing, the kind of annoyance you’d usually brush off. but today, something feels different. it’s as if the tension has been building for days, winding tighter and tighter until finally—something snaps. and when it does, you can’t stop yourself.

your hands are trembling as you shove the lamp off your nightstand, the crash of broken glass loud in your ears. the sound echoes in your head, but it doesn’t register—not really. you’re already grabbing at the books on your desk, hurling them across the room as frustration wells up inside you, fierce and unrelenting.

the anger takes over everything. it’s all-consuming, suffocating, like a weight on your chest you can’t escape. and when it’s over, when the room lies in ruins around you, you’re left standing in the middle of it all, gasping for air, your hands still shaking as the reality of what you’ve done hits you.

you drop to the floor, curling into yourself, the tears coming fast and hard. shame burns deep in your chest, the guilt crushing you as you try to breathe through it. you don’t want to be like this—you don’t want to be the person who destroys everything.

you don’t even notice when megumi walks in. he’s always quiet like that, slipping into your space without making a sound. but you know he’s there when you hear his voice—soft, steady, calm.

“hey,” he murmurs, and the sound is so gentle it makes your chest ache. “it’s okay.”

you can’t bring yourself to look up at him, too ashamed of what he must be seeing. you’re a mess. the room’s a mess. but megumi doesn’t seem to care. he steps carefully around the broken glass, the scattered papers, and kneels down beside you without a word.

for a long moment, he doesn’t say anything, just sits there with you, his presence grounding you in a way that nothing else can. his hand hovers near your shoulder, not quite touching, as if he’s waiting for permission to get closer.

“i’m not going anywhere,” he says softly, his voice filled with quiet reassurance.

you finally lift your head, and the moment your eyes meet his, the tears come faster, harder. you choke on a sob, unable to hold it back any longer, but megumi’s arms are around you before you can even process it. he pulls you into his chest, holding you close, and for a second, you forget about the wreckage around you.

his grip is firm but gentle, his hand running through your hair in soothing strokes. he’s not one to overwhelm you with words—megumi knows that sometimes silence speaks louder. instead, he just holds you, letting you cry against him, offering a quiet strength you can lean on without fear.

“we’ll figure it out,” he says after a while, his voice steady, like a promise. “whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together.”

you know he means it. with megumi, there are no empty promises. just the quiet certainty that no matter how bad things get, he’s going to stay by your side. and somehow, that makes it a little easier to breathe.

the minutes stretch into what feels like hours as you sink into his embrace. with every ragged breath, you can feel the tension start to dissolve. megumi’s warmth envelops you, a safe haven amidst the storm of emotions raging inside.

as the tears slow, you begin to notice the little things—how his heartbeat thrums steadily against your ear, the scent of his cologne lingering in the air, the gentle way he holds you as if you’re something precious. it’s a comfort that seeps into your bones, reminding you that you’re not alone in this chaos.

“i know it feels overwhelming right now,” he says, his voice low and soothing, “but it doesn’t define you. you’re stronger than this moment.”

you nod against him, trying to internalize his words, but the guilt still lingers like a shadow. “i don’t want to be like this,” you whisper, your voice muffled against his shirt.

“i know,” he replies, pulling back slightly to look you in the eye. there’s a determination in his gaze, a fierce protectiveness that makes your heart swell. “and you’re not. we’ll find a way to help you. just take it one step at a time.”

he wipes away the tears on your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, his touch featherlight yet grounding. in his gaze, you see understanding—an unspoken agreement that you don’t have to carry this burden alone. with megumi beside you, it’s easier to believe that healing is possible, that you can face whatever darkness lies ahead.

as you sit there, the room still in disarray, you realize it’s okay to be broken. it’s okay to ask for help. because with megumi by your side, you know you have a safe space to fall apart and rebuild. you’re not just a collection of shattered pieces; you’re a person, and that person deserves love and understanding—even in the midst of chaos.

“thank you,” you murmur, feeling a glimmer of hope rise within you.

“always,” he replies, a soft smile breaking through the worry etched on his face. “now, let’s clean this up together, okay?”

you nod, and for the first time in a long while, you feel like maybe, just maybe, you can find your way back to yourself.

yuta okkotsu

the anger hits you like a tidal wave, sudden and overwhelming, and before you know it, everything around you is falling apart. you’ve tried to hold it back—tried so hard—but the frustration is too much. your hands move on their own, knocking over anything within reach, the sounds of things crashing to the floor blending together in a chaotic blur.

you don’t realize how far you’ve gone until the room is a disaster—books torn from the shelves, clothes scattered across the floor, furniture tipped over in your frenzy. it’s only when the last bit of anger burns out that you see the mess you’ve made, and with it comes the crushing guilt. the shame.

you collapse to the floor, pressing your palms to your face, hiding from the destruction you’ve caused. your heart races in your chest, your breathing uneven as the tears come, slow at first, then uncontrollable.

you don’t hear the door open, don’t realize yuta’s standing there until you feel a presence near you. when he speaks, his voice is so soft, so filled with concern, it breaks your heart.

“hey,” he calls your name gently, kneeling in front of you. “what happened?”

you can’t answer him, can’t even look at him. the shame is too much. you’ve done this again—let yourself lose control, let everything spiral. yuta doesn’t push you for answers, though. he just watches you for a moment, waiting for the right time to step in.

“it’s okay,” he whispers after a while, reaching out carefully, his hand brushing against your arm in a tentative gesture. “i’m not mad. i’m just... worried.”

his words hit you in a way you didn’t expect, and before you know it, you’re falling into him. yuta catches you easily, pulling you close to his chest, his arms wrapping around you protectively. he’s warm, gentle, his hands soothing as he rubs slow circles against your back.

“we’ll get through this,” he murmurs against your hair, his voice steady. “whatever’s going on... we’ll handle it together.”

his embrace is firm, but never overwhelming. he holds you just tightly enough to make you feel safe, his chin resting on the top of your head as he lets you cry into his shoulder. yuta’s always been like this—soft, gentle, never pushing too hard but always there when you need him most.

“you don’t have to be afraid of this,” he adds, his voice low. “we’ll take it one step at a time, okay?”

you nod against him, even though you still feel the weight of your emotions pressing down on you. but with yuta’s arms around you, the world feels just a little bit less overwhelming.

as you pull away slightly, just enough to see his face, you can’t help but notice the concern etched in his features. his eyes search yours, looking for any sign of reassurance. “you didn’t have to hide this from me,” he says softly, brushing a thumb across your cheek, wiping away a tear that has slipped free. “i’m here for you, no matter what.”

the sincerity in his voice ignites something inside you—a flicker of hope amidst the storm of despair. “i just... don’t want to be like this,” you admit, your voice trembling. “i don’t want to keep losing control.”

“it’s okay to feel angry sometimes,” he reassures, his expression unwavering. “but you’re not alone in this. you don’t have to handle everything on your own.”

you take a deep breath, allowing his words to wash over you. it’s a reminder that while this moment feels insurmountable, it doesn’t define you. yuta doesn’t judge you for the chaos you’ve created; instead, he’s offering a lifeline, a way to navigate through the darkness together.

“let’s clean this up,” he suggests, pulling back just enough to look you in the eyes. “but first, can we take a minute? just to breathe?”

you nod again, grateful for his understanding. yuta guides you back to the corner of the room where it feels a bit safer, sitting beside you on the floor amidst the wreckage. he takes a moment to simply breathe with you, matching his inhale and exhale to yours. in those shared breaths, you can feel the tension begin to ease, even if just a little.

“you’re strong, you know,” he says softly, looking at you with such intensity that it warms your heart. “even when it feels like everything’s falling apart, you’re still standing here. that means something.”

his words wrap around you like a warm blanket, grounding you further. you manage a small smile, a flicker of gratitude in your chest. “thank you for being here.”

“always,” he replies, the sincerity in his voice bringing a sense of comfort. “let’s start with one thing at a time. how about we pick up the books first?”

you both begin to clear the room together, moving through the remnants of your outburst. with each item you return to its place, you feel a little more in control, a little less lost. yuta’s presence is steady by your side, and as he laughs softly at the absurdity of some of the mess, you can’t help but join him.

“what a tornado you’ve created,” he teases gently, picking up a shirt and throwing it playfully at you. “it looks like a fashion disaster.”

“hey! don’t make fun of my style,” you retort, a laugh bubbling up despite the heaviness of earlier. the sound feels good, like a small victory over the lingering despair.

“i’d never!” he exclaims, mock-indignant. “your style is unique, and it needs to be respected.”

as you work together, the atmosphere shifts. the heaviness that had settled in your chest begins to lift, and with yuta’s playful banter, you start to find a lightness you thought was lost. you realize that even in moments of chaos, you can create something beautiful—like the bond you share with him.

once the room is tidied up, yuta turns to you, his expression serious again. “remember, it’s okay to ask for help. i’m just a call away, and you don’t have to face anything alone.”

you look at him, your heart swelling with gratitude. “i really appreciate you, yuta. for everything.”

“anytime,” he replies, reaching for your hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “let’s take care of each other, okay?”

as you sit together in the aftermath of the storm, you know that with yuta by your side, you’ll find a way through whatever challenges lie ahead. the world feels just a little bit less daunting, and that’s more than enough for now.

ryomen sukuna

it happens fast—too fast for you to stop it. one moment, you’re pacing around the room, frustration boiling inside you like a pressure cooker, and the next, your hands are smashing into everything within reach. you’ve never been able to control it, this anger that builds and builds until it spills over, consuming everything in its path.

furniture crashes to the floor, papers scatter across the room, and the sound of breaking glass rings in your ears. you’ve wrecked the place, torn it apart with your bare hands, and now, standing in the aftermath, all you can feel is the hollow emptiness left behind.

your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath, tears blurring your vision as the weight of what you’ve done settles in. you sink down to the floor, curling in on yourself, the world around you too much to handle. the anger is gone now, but the shame remains, thick and suffocating.

then you hear him—sukuna. his voice cuts through the silence like a knife, sharp and unmistakable.

“well, well,” he drawls, his tone laced with amusement. “look at the mess you’ve made.”

you flinch, expecting the worst, but when sukuna steps into the room, there’s no mockery in his eyes. he surveys the damage with a raised brow, but instead of berating you, he simply smirks, as if he finds the whole thing more fascinating than anything else.

“you always did have a flair for destruction,” he says, his voice low and smooth. “but this... this is something else.”

you don’t respond. you can’t. the shame is too heavy, too overwhelming, and the last thing you want is for him to see you like this. but sukuna doesn’t leave. instead, he walks over to you, his boots crunching against the broken glass, and crouches down in front of you.

he tilts his head, his red eyes gleaming with something almost like curiosity. “are you done?”

you nod, though it’s barely a movement. your throat is tight, your eyes stinging with unshed tears, and sukuna just watches you for a moment longer before sighing. without another word, he reaches out and pulls you into his arms, not caring about the mess around him.

you’re too tired to resist, too worn out to push him away, and sukuna just holds you there, his grip firm but not painful. there’s a warmth to him, a strange sort of comfort in the way he wraps his arms around you, despite his usual roughness.

“you’re a disaster,” he mutters, his tone teasing but not unkind. “but i suppose you’re my disaster.”

you don’t know why, but his words make the tears come harder, and before you know it, you’re sobbing against his chest, your body trembling with the force of it. sukuna doesn’t shush you or tell you to stop. he just lets you cry, his hand resting on the back of your head, his fingers gently tangling in your hair.

“let it out,” he says, his voice soft now, quieter than you’ve ever heard it before. “you’ll feel better after.”

and somehow, with him holding you, the world feels just a little bit less chaotic. sukuna may not be gentle, but in this moment, he’s exactly what you need. the weight of his arms around you, solid and unyielding, keeps you anchored, keeps you from spiraling any further.

he’s not one for soft reassurances or whispered comforts, but his presence alone is enough to ground you. he lets you break down in his arms, lets you be vulnerable without judgment or impatience. there’s something oddly calming about it—being in the presence of someone so powerful, so utterly in control, when you feel like your world is falling apart.

after a long while, when your sobs finally subside, sukuna pulls back slightly. he tilts your chin up with two fingers, forcing you to meet his gaze. his red eyes bore into yours, sharp and unwavering.

“feel better?” he asks, his voice low, his expression unreadable.

you nod, not trusting your voice to speak. he studies you for a moment longer before he lets go of your chin, standing up and brushing some debris off his clothes as if none of this bothered him in the slightest.

“next time,” he says, his tone casual, as if offering advice on something trivial, “try not to destroy everything. or at least wait until i’m around to enjoy the show.”

there’s a teasing lilt to his words, and despite yourself, despite everything, a small, tired smile tugs at the corners of your lips.

“come on,” sukuna says, offering you his hand to help you up. “let’s get out of here. you need to clear your head.”

you hesitate for only a moment before taking his hand, and he pulls you up effortlessly. as he leads you out of the wreckage of your room, there’s a strange comfort in knowing that, for all his arrogance and rough edges, sukuna’s still here—still willing to stay by your side, no matter how many times you break.

and somehow, with him, that’s enough.

[tea-plantz]

Is it alright for you to make physical affection headcanons about Anxiety? I would LOVE reading a little smooching headcanons too😗 If not I don’t mind at all ^^

Helloo, thank you for the request! I myself am a huge fan of hugs and all, so this was really fun to write!

~Anxiety physical affection hcs~

I think Anxiety would really enjoy physical affection, especially from her significant other. In the movie she is pretty touchy with all of the emotions she interacts with, so it’s probably safe to say that she’s comfortable with physical touch.

I feel like she would be a bit scared to directly ask you for stuff like hugs or cuddles, in fear of coming off to strong or demanding. She might subtly hint at it, sitting herself slightly closer to you, mentioning how it’s a bit cold in here, all those tricks, and she’s so cheesy with it too.

“Boy, it sure is freezing in Riley’s mind today.. if only a very pretty significant other of mine would be oh so kind, and help me warm up”

Other times however, I feel like she would get sudden bursts of confidence and just hug onto you. Anxiety is defo extremely clingy, though she apologizes for it a lot. She just can’t help it!

Emotions like Ennui or Anger might tease you two for how lovey dovey you’re being all the time, causing Anxiety to hide her face away in embarrassment, whilst letting out a whimper. Either that, or she would roll her eyes at them, she sometimes gets low key sassy in the movie, like when she slapped Envy’s hand away.

She probably loves sitting squished together with you in her massage chair whenever she’s stressed. Listening to your heartbeat and letting the chair massage the both of you always calms her down, causing a large and goofy smile to spread across her face.

Whenever something happens to Riley that stresses her out, she would probably immediately reach out for your hand, squeezing it tightly, like a lifeline (you probably told her to do that instead of pulling at her hair so much, it’s not good for her).

Anxiety is suuuuper blushy, you can’t tell me otherwise. If you give her an unexpected kiss or hug, she might just scream out of surprise, then blush like crazy whilst apologizing-

We all know that Anxiety struggles a lot with sleepless nights, due to the book ‘go to sleep Anxiety’. Origami helps her a lot, but cuddling with her lovely partner helps even more~

SHES 100% A LITTLE SPOON-

Anxiety loves feeling your arms around her and hearing your soft breath at night, it makes her feel protected and safe<33

Honestly I feel like her main love language would be words of affirmation (she really needs the reassurance that you actually love and care about her), but physical touch would be right behind it.

When it comes to kissing, I feel like Anxiety would be reaaaally anxious about it. She would most definitely over-analyze it, researching how to be an awesome kisser #rizz (omfg I gotta stop)

She probably watched some YouTube tutorials or smth

Anxiety is so awkward in the cutest way possible, I swear-

Once she’s gotten the hang of it, and had a few experiences, she stresses less about it though of kissing.

Just be careful she doesn’t accidentally swallow you whole with that big mouth of hers/jk

Anxiety loves giving you sweet little kisses on the cheek and on the top of your head, she feels it shows that she cares.

She would probably be a bit more nervous about full on “on the mouth” kisses, not to mention make out sessions, and would prefer it if you took the lead of those activities, instead of her.

Look at her bro-

[malarign]

physical

(enhypen as different forms of physical intimacy)

contains: bf!ot7 x gn!reader | genre: pure fluff | tw! kissing, thunderstorms, mild crying, mentions of food and eating (lmk if i forgot smth!) | wc: 1,9k

reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciated!!!

author’s note: Heeseung’s scenario is literally inspired by how i passed one of my courses :’) enjoy!

Lee Heeseung | 이희승

➶ patting your head after you accomplish a hard task *ೃ༄

Heeseung watched as you typed really fast on your computer, finishing up your task. This course was supposed to take something about 3 hours to complete, yet here you were an hour before the deadline stressing your ass out since you completely forgot about it.

You felt like sweat flooded your whole body, heart rate higher than while running a marathon. A few tears formed in the corner of your eye, which were quickly wiped out by your boyfriend.

“Love, maybe I can help you somehow?” he asked carefully for the last time, but you shook your head in a decisive motion.

“Hee, it’s fine I think I’ll manage to hand it in before midnight,” you spoke a little bit incoherently, gaze focusing on a bright screen. “I just need silence, sorry,” you spoke softly, not wanting to sound rude.

Heeseung silently nodded in understanding. He went to the kitchen to make something warm for you to eat, knowing well how hungry you get after such stress. He perked his ears for any kind of reaction for you, but the only one he heard was a scream of satisfaction, a minute before midnight.

“I did it!” you screamed in pure joy, raising your hands in the air.

Heeseung rushed to you and seeing a proud expression on your face he gently patted your head.

“I knew you could do it,” he praised your determination to finish it, even though it wasn’t really a mandatory course. “Now eat, love. You must be hungry.”

Park Jongseong | 박종성

➶ kissing a forehead when you’re scared *ೃ༄

Lighting illuminated your room once again and you waited muffling your ears for a loud sound of thunder. When it came you flinched, as tears started flooding your eyes.

You took your phone and after hesitating for a while you finally texted your boyfriend.

You watched the screen for a few minutes when yet another lighting stroke that was soon followed by thunder. Your lip quivered and soon your face was wet from your salty tears.

Your relationship with Jay started not long ago, so he still lived in obliviousness to your terrible fear of thunderstorms. You looked at the time, thinking he must already be asleep since he’s quite an early sleeper. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the case with you, especially during nights like this one.

After a few more strikes the thunderstorm seemed to get harder. Soon a doorbell resounded in the hallway, adding to your stress. You mustered the courage to open the door and the sight didn’t disappoint you. Without thinking for even a second you were pulled into the familiar embrace of your boyfriend. He rubbed your back comfortingly, realizing the course of your fear.

“I’m sorry for taking so long. I should’ve replied but I didn’t want to text while driving,” he explained in a quiet voice that soothed your anxiety.

“It’s okay,” you managed to say. “Sorry for disturbing your sleep at this hour.” You looked up at him and he smiled lovingly.

“Don’t apologize, that’s my basic boyfriend duty, to keep you safe.” His words made you let out a breathy giggle.

When another thunder resounded, he brought you closer to him and planted a tender kiss on your forehead, helping you forget about the scary noise.

Sim Jaeyun | 심재윤

➶ brushing his thumb on your cheek while cuddling *ೃ༄

“Are you done?” Jake whined leaning on the bathroom doorframe while you were finishing your skincare routine.

Smiling at his cuteness you said: “Let me brush my teeth and I’ll be ready.”

He smiled brightly and skipped his way to the bedroom.

Today you decided to finally go to sleep a tad bit earlier than usual. Your internal clock to messed up by sudden work, while his schedule didn’t help him get enough sleep, making you tired every minute of every day. You looked at your phone just to see the hour: 8:45. You made your way to your bedroom where you found Jake already under the covers, leaning at the headboard.

“Honestly I can’t remember when was the last time I went to bed this early,” you confessed while laying on your side of the bed.

“Me neither,” he responded and laid down facing you.

Only your head peaked from under the bedsheets, both of them decorated with blissful smiles. Suddenly he reached with his hand to your cheek and brushed your skin with his thumb gently. You closed your eyes at his loving touch, which instantly made you sleepy. He brought to even closer to his body, not leaving room for a grain of sand so you could feel his hot breath hit your skin.

“If you’ll continue doing that I might fall asleep a lot faster than I expected,” you mumbled easefully.

“Then sleep my love,” Jake said and planted sweet kisses on your eyelids, helping you doze off immediately.

Park Sunghoon | 박성훈

➶ carrying you to bed after you fell asleep on the couch *ೃ༄

Since promotions were finally over, Sunghoon along with his bandmates and staff members celebrated yet another successful comeback. Not realizing how late it got he stayed up until early morning talking and chitchatting with everybody involved in album making. But when he did realize you must already be sleeping he thanked everybody and called a taxi to go home.

When he arrived, the apartment was completely dark, with no lights turned on. He smiled, thinking you must’ve been really tired. And he didn’t blame you: even he couldn’t believe how much time he spent with his friends. He took a quick shower and did his whole night routine only to go to your shared bedroom and find an empty bed. His brows knitted together in a frown.

Did you go out? No, he would have remembered that. He quickly checked his phone to see if he missed out on any of your messages but found none.

Getting slightly nervous he sprinted out of your bedroom to search for you. Just when he was about to put his shoes on he noticed how some silhouette was laying down on your living room’s couch. He slowly made his way to what he was about to find out your form, sleeping peacefully, already in your pajamas.

He smiled at his overreaction and also at how cute you looked right now. Without thinking any further he carefully took you in his arms and carried you to your bed.

Throughout him carrying you, you kept on sleeping peacefully but once he put you down you aroused you whispered with a hoarse voice: “Sunghoon?”

“Yes, it’s me. Sleep well, princess.”

Kim Sunoo | 김선우

➶ tucking your hair behind your ear after a kiss *ೃ༄

You walked hand in hand with Sunoo to the third cafe today. Your schoolwork and his tight schedule didn’t let you do your long-awaited cafe hopping.

“Which one is next?” you asked and swung your hands back and forwards.

Sunoo took his phone and searched for your next destination. Soon he responded: “The one with wools and stuff.”

You looked at him with a sweeping head motion, which made him match your energy, but in a little bit more dramatic way.

“You know, we will never leave that place, maybe we should go somewhere else first?” you suggested, reminding him of your new obsession - crocheting.

“I know,” he simply said and motioned with his head to continue walking.

The place consisted of two levels, one with a regular coffee bar and some tables and upstairs was where all the wools and hooks were stored. You had to contain a squeal of excitement at the view of all the different shades and colors you couldn’t get, even on the Internet.

While you were picking all the things you needed Sunoo ordered you some beverages and desserts. You showed him some stitches and patterns you could teach him and you got to the work.

Focusing on your and his work you sipped on your coffee and didn’t realize the foam stayed on your upper lip. Noticing that Sunoo smiled and quickly cupped our cheek to steal a sweet kiss, tasting like a mix of coffee and cheesecake he’s been eating. Leaving you dumbfounded he kept his eyes fixated on yours, his hand reaching to the lone strand of your hair and tucking it behind your ear, just to go back to crocheting his work, like nothing happened.

Yang Jungwon | 양정원

➶ listening to each other’s heartbeat after a long day *ೃ༄

Both you and Jungwon plopped on your couch wordlessly. It was yet another day filled with lots of stress, anxiety, and dealing with other people not only for him but also for you. You took deep breaths and you could swear you would sleep here and now, but in the corner of your eye, you noticed your boyfriend spreading his arms for you to hug him. Chuckling at his cute gesture you crawled your way towards him and pushed him with your body weight to lay down. You placed your head on his chest that raised and fell rapidly because of his giggle.

“I guess your day was just as tiring and simply bad as mine, huh?” he asked, breaking the silence that surrounded you the moment you entered your apartment.

“Probably, yeah,” you answered shortly feeling dozing off taking control over your body and mind.

You relaxed in his comfortable embrace, the constant rhythm of his heartbeat helping your eyelids to close.

“As much as I know how tired we both are, I think we should go and shower first, Y/nie,” Jungwon spoke with his eyes closed, a feeling of bliss and serenity soothing his mind.

“I know,” you said, dragging out the last word. You tried to stand up but the sound of his heartbeat seemed to have hypnotized you, or even hook you on.

Jungwon sighed, noticing you truly fell asleep. Deciding not to wake you up he stayed in one position a little longer, eventually falling asleep too.

Nishimura Riki | 西村力

➶ holding your hand tightly on a rollercoaster ride *ೃ༄

You sat down after yet another extreme rollercoaster ride, wanting nothing but some moment to take a deep breath and calm down. But your boyfriend Riki had another plan, wanting to keep your adrenaline level as high as possible for the rest of your date at an amusement park. He grabbed your hand firmly and pulled you along towards another ride. Whining you waddled behind him, but he kept on shushing you. He knew damn well you weren’t scared of them, that’s why he insisted on trying as many as you could during this night.

“Come on, Y/nie, before the queue gets longer!” he rushed you. You just speeded along, taking your place in the line.

Riki watched the ride with the brightest stars in his eyes, you could see his inner child healing just by the sight and thought of having fun with you. You leaned your head on his shoulder making him look at you. He smiled t your cute action and planted a chaste yet quite long kiss on the crown of your head.

As your turn was closer and closer you felt even more excited for the fun ahead of you, but also knew your tiredness wouldn’t let you go on another attraction. Riki somehow sensed that.

“How about we grab some hot dogs after this ride?” he suggested to which you nodded your head happily.

“Are you ready?” the operator of the ride asked you and motioned you to take a seat in the front row. Before you noticed you were on top of the construction waiting for the big drop. Riki took your hand and entangled your fingers together. When you started he raised his and your hand on the way, to feel the wind and the speed. You could hear his laughter and screams of joy which filled your ears. You also screamed your lungs out at the turn and barrels you made. Wordlessly you arrived at the starting point yet none of you wanted to leave the carrier. Or each other’s hands.

thank you for reading! back to the masterlist

permanent taglist: (send an ask to be added) @nicholasluvbot, @en-chantedtomeetyou, @kpopstanmeg, @skzenhalove, @nfrgirl

[wemalyri]

enha hyung-line reaction when they find out you were r@ped

pairing: enha hyung-line × gn!reader genre: slight angst, enha comforting reader warnings: mentions of sexual violence, reader has a mental trauma, sexual concept in heeseung and sunghoon (supposed to be the first time), description of abusive relationship in heeseung, slightly suggestive in jake's scene, physical contact, kisses, making out w/c: +-300 each member (but heeseung is 435 I'm sorry for that lol) a/n: I couldn't make up a lighter name for this 😭DO NOT READ if it's a sensitive topic for you, keep yourself safe pls. // also sorry for not posting for (quiet) long. I feel like I could write smth more for hee with this concept, let me know if you want it. !!!if you liked it, likes and reposts are welcomed!!!

Heeseung

Your back pressed against the wall when Heeseung’s tongue entered your mouth, deepening the kiss. His lips moved hungrily against yours as his hands slipped inder your shirt. You immediately flinched, pushing his chest to pull away. Heeseung noticed that something was wrong and leaned back to look at your face. “Is something wrong? You’re not ready yet?” His eyes were searching yours to find a reason of your reaction. 

“I… can’t do it.” You looked away with guilt but Heeseung immediately lifted your chin up with his hand. 

“Hey… that’s okay. I understand.” His fingers caressed the skin of your cheek, eyes gently looked into yours as the fire in them began to go out.

“No, you don’t.” You shook off his hand, flinching your head. Suddenly the feeling of disgust to his touch overwhelmed you. 

“Y/n…” Heeseung pulled his hand away but stayed at the same place next to you. “Then explain to me.”

You heavily sighed and started staring at the opposite corner of the room, escaping his gaze. “It’s my ex boyfriend.” Heeseung stared at you with confuse. “He never asked me. He would slid his hands under my shirt, pressing me again the wall… and touch me. Even when I didn’t want to.” Heeseung’s eyes widened in shock at the same time as his jaw clenched from anger. He slowly placed his hand on your shoulder, making sure it wasn’t uncomfortable for you.

“I’m sorry for that…” His gentleness made you melt and you finally met his gaze. 

“It wasn’t you. You don’t need to be sorry.” Even when a slight smile spreaded on your face Heeseung still looked worried and confused. 

After a moment of silence he asked. “How long had it been… going?”

“For five months maybe.” Your words made his heart ache. “I couldn’t break up with him because he told me no one will ever love me. And I thought it was okay. At that moment.”

Heeseung made you look at him, making sure you’re listening. “It’s never okay. Look at me, I really love you. And I would never ever hurt you. Physically or mentally. Do you understand?” You nodded and he patted your head. Your hands wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer to you and he hugged you back, burying his nose in your hair. “If you ever feel like you want to go to the next level, tell me, okay?”

You nodded as your grip on him tightened. “I will never touch you without your permission. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Your whisper faded as you nuzzled in his chest more.

Jay

As you two got home and the door behind you were closed, Jay immediately reached for the buttons of your raincoat, hastily undoing them. You gripped one of his hands and looked at him with fear in your eyes. “Jay…”

He immediately stopped and lifted his gaze at you with worry. “What’s wrong, love?”

“What are you doing?..” your voice above a whisper. 

“I'm trying to help you take off your raincoat. It’s soaked after the rain. You should be warmed.” Your hands dropped weakly, eyes looked down. “Oh” you whispered under your breath.

“Is something wrong with that?” Jay asked, reaching his hand to cup your cheek. 

“I thought you wanted… tried to…” You couldn’t end your sentence.

“Tried to undress you? I did. But not in the way you thought. I suppose.” Jay made you look at him, his voice lowered. “Have someone… ever… tried to undress you in that way? Without your permission?”

Your lips trembled at the memory and you sobbed. Despite the fact that it was a long time ago, the reminder of that still hurt you. Seeing you like this made Jay’s heart ache and his hands pulled you closer to him in a reassuring embrace. His palm caressed your hair as he pressed his lips to your head. “Do you know that I would never hurt you, right?”

You nodded weakly, sobbing into his chest. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.” His voice lowered. “Don’t blame yourself. Ever. It’s not your fault.”

His words dissolved into the night silence of your apartment, reflecting off the walls.

Jake

While cooking, you felt Jake’s hands on your waist and his lips on your neck. The touch has awakened a memory in you, a situation you would like to erase from your head forever. You flinched away, heavily breathing, when Jake took his hands off you and looked in your eyes in worry. “What’s wrong?” he asked in concern, keeping his hands in the air. 

“Sorry…” you sighed, putting a spatula on the countertop. “Just a bad memory popped out.” Jake crossed his hands, glancing at you with frowned eyebrows. “What memory?”

You took a deep breath again. “My friend… used me when we were at the party.” Jake’s eyes widened and he darkly mumbled “He’s not your friend. He doesn't deserve you to call him that.”

You awkwardly chuckled, trying to brush away a sudden memory of that night. “I know, I know.”

“Are you scared… of my touch? Does it make you uncomfortable? You never said that when we were hugging.” Jake asked with concern, digesting information.

“No, everything was okay back then. It’s just your lips on my neck…”

His eyes widened in guilt. With puppy eyes he looked down. “Oh I’m sorry. I won’t do that again, if you don’t want me to…”

“I want you to do that.” His face lit up with hope. “Just don't do it so suddenly, okay?” Jake chuckled awkwardly and shook his head like a dog. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”

His eyes glued to you and he took a step closer. “Can I kiss you?” You smiled, looking at him. “Yes, you can.” He stepped to you even closer and his lips gently met yours, his hands held your face. As Jake pulled away, he wrapped his hands around you, caressing your hair with his hand and immersing you in the warmth of his body.

Sunghoon

“Wait…” you quietly said, slightly pushing his chest, signaling him to pull away. Sunghoon immediately stopped, looking into your eyes, asking if something’s wrong without words. As you slowly got up on your elbows, he pulled away more and sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at you with worry. 

“I had a bad experience in… this.” you whispered after your heavy sigh. Sunghoon’s eyebrows frowned. “What do you mean?”

Taking a deep breath, you spoke “Once… my body…was used without my permission.”

Sunghoon’s mouth slightly opened in shock and concern. To get from him any words you added with a strangled voice “I was raped, Hoon.”

His eyelashes trembled at the realization of your words. He sighed heavily and mumbled “I didn’t know…” He looked down, finding words to say. “I’m sorry, if I made you uncomfortable… I didn’t mean to.”

You slightly smiled and placed your hand over his. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t.”

Awkward smile appeared on his face. “Do you want to… watch something maybe?” he asked, trying to fill the silence. 

“Actually, Hoon, I want this. I want you.” you whispered, looking into his eyes. He immediately looked at you with widened eyes. “But you said-”

“I know what I said. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want this. I want you. Just… can you be… slower?..” you didn’t let him end his sentence, gripping his wrist. His expression softened and he held your hands in his. “Of course. Tell me if something’s wrong okay?” Sunghoon asked, laying you down on the mattress again. As you nodded with a smile, he gently kissed your lips, showing that you’re safe with him.

[callme-holly]

YES ANOTHER PLATONIC WRITER WOOHOO could we get smth with Dallas and sibling!reader after sibling gets jumped?

𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 [𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫]

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 - i actually really like this one which is a first for me. to those who have sent in requests, i am working on them I swear!!

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 1.2k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - talk of getting jumped, slight injury detail (not graphic), mild swearing

Your clothes stick uncomfortably to your skin, either with rainwater or blood; you’re not too sure which. You’re drenched to the bone and shivering, your hair hanging limply around your face in wet strands as you stand awkwardly outside of Buck's Thunderbird, the car parked carelessly against the curb. 

The window of the car rolls down slowly, revealing a very tired-looking Dallas. His brow furrows as he stares at you with what can only be described as a look of pure frustration and perhaps a hint of concern. You try not to wince at the sight as you shuffle nervously, listening to the long, drawn- out sigh that escapes him upon looking at you. 

“Just get in, damn it.” His voice is rough, leaving no room for argument as you limp around to the passenger’s side, your wet sneakers slipping on the slick surface of the pavement as you go. It's warmer inside the vehicle, although not by much, as you slip into the seat next to your brother, letting out a quiet breath of relief as the door shuts behind you. You feel his eyes boring holes through your back and grimace as he continues to stare intently at you.

“You alright?” He asks eventually, his eyebrows knitting together with concern.

“Yeah.” The word feels hollow to your own ears, and you pull up the collar of your shirt in an attempt to hide the cut across your throat. Your ribs ache, and your knuckles are split. They should have known you wouldn't go down without a fight.

Dallas lets out another sigh before reaching over and grabbing a spare jacket from behind the backseat, thrusting it towards your chest. “Here, take this.” His tone is sharp. “You’ll freeze to death before we even get back.” 

 You take the proffered object without comment, slipping it over your shoulders and quickly tugging it close. The rough material is dry and smells strongly of smoke, but then again almost everything that you and your brother own does. It's nothing new. 

You open your mouth to speak, but the words die unspoken. Your brother turns to gaze out at the empty road, his jaw set. 

“What the hell were you thinkin’? Walkin’ out here alone.” His voice shakes slightly. “It ain’t safe, you know that.” His grip on the steering wheel tightens, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at him. 

“I didn’t think they’d follow me all the way out here.” You mumble defensively, knowing full well how ridiculous the statement sounded. Of course they'd followed you; why wouldn't they? You'd insulted them in front of everyone at the drive-in, made them the laughing stock of the evening, and then you had walked right back out onto the streets alone and unprotected. 

Dallas glares out the window, his eyes unfocused and dark. 

“They could’ve killed you.” He states his tone flat as he turns his head just enough so that his eyes meet yours. “Do you realise that? They would have finished you off right then and there.” You don’t respond, and he doesn’t look away. You can sense the raw emotion behind his words: fear, anger, and guilt, all mixed together into one unending wave. 

“They would've killed you,” he repeats, quieter than before. “Did you really think they weren't gonna come after you?”

“I thought I could deal with them myself,” you say softly. Your hands clutch tighter at the fabric of the jacket. You feel so small and helpless under his scrutiny. “There weren't that many of them to begin with.” You trail off lamely, feeling tears prick at your eyes despite your attempts to hold them back. “I’m sorry…”

“Don't fucking apologize!” Dallas yells, slamming his hand on the dashboard and startling you. He takes a deep breath, running a hand through his hair and rubbing his temple in agitation. “Sorry,” he mutters in a low voice, “It just—fuck. I’m sorry, okay?” He looks over, and when his gaze locks with yours, his expression softens fractionally. There's a relatively large cut across your cheek; blood is still staining your skin; and there's a nasty bruise blossoming across your left eye, courtesy of an elbow to the face.

“They really did a number on ya, huh.” Dallas sighs and reaches over to turn your head, inspecting  the damage.

You hum, a small smile playing at your lips as your gaze flicks towards the dashboard of the car, watching the wipers scrape steadily along the glass. “Shoulda seen what I did to them.” 

Dallas scoffs and pulls back, starting the car. 

“Oh, I bet you really put 'em to shame.” He pulls away from the curb, shooting a quick glance in your direction and frowning. “Hey, put your damn seatbelt on, man.” 

You roll your eyes. “Jeez, calm down, ma,” you mumble under your breath as you snap the belt in place, ignoring the way the motion jostles your sore shoulder. 

The radio crackles quietly, and you reach for the handle, twisting the dial until you find some decent music. The sound fills the silence, and you relax into the leather seat as Dallas starts down the street, albeit a little faster than the speed limit probably allows. 

“So…” Dallas drawls, drumming his fingers idly on the steering wheel. “Why'd they jump you?”

You shrug, staring listlessly out of the window. “Dunno. They pissed me off, and I said some shit.”

“Some shit,” he echoes mockingly, smirking. “What else did you do?”

“What?” You frown and glance over at him questioningly.

“What else did you do, kid. I know for a fact you didn't just mouth 'em off.”  The corners of his mouth quirk into a smirk.

You hesitate, biting your lip before answering, “I threw my drink at one of them.”

Dallas nods, seemingly unfazed by your behaviour, the smile not leaving his lips. “And?” 

“...and then I punched him.” You look down, kicking your feet absently as you continue to speak. “He deserved it though.”

“I don't doubt it.” Dallas says gruffly, his expression growing sombre. It seems he has something else he wants to say—something he hasn't quite managed to put into words yet.

After a moment's hesitation, he clears his throat. 

“I'm, uh, glad you're alright.” He pauses, clearing his throat again and glancing hesitantly over at you. “I don't know what I would've done if they'd...” He trails off, not bothering to finish his sentence. The implication is clear: if they had killed you, he would be lost. “You're all I've got left, man.” The words seem to choke him, and he coughs roughly to hide the bubbling emotions. He looks away suddenly, focusing solely on driving.

You swallow thickly, feeling the pain of your bruised ribs flare anew, and the cold seeps in through your clothes once more, causing you to shiver slightly. 

“I know…” The guilt in your tone is unmistakable, and you have no doubt that the second you're in the safety of the Curtis House and taken care of, your brother will go and pick a fight with the guys who'd jumped you. And even though the prospect isn't appealing, you can't change him; that's just how he is. But you wouldn't want him to change anyway, you suppose, because then he wouldn’t be Dallas Winston. You don't want to think about him fighting anyone or the trouble he might get into because of it; it's enough to know he's alive. And so are you. 

𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬!!

[heartkaji]

[ ★ ⸻ @maiinoclock ]

★ OVERVIEW

hi !! omg people acc simp for shidou 😟/j anyway you and shidou’s relationship would be so chaotic i think 😭 i feel like you guys are that one couple breaking up over the smallest things, and even as exes yall still have no idea what ‘no contact’ means. like, yall would be less than two weeks into the break up and shidou’s already calling your line asking you to link 🤦‍♀️ at first you always say no, but unfortunately you’re gonna give up sooner or later 🧍‍♂️ idk it’s just smth about the way he calls you cute nicknames ig 💘

Q5 — WHAT DO OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP ?

EVERONE thinks you guys are toxic. or a dangerous match. or both. sae’s waiting for the moment you realize this man has been gay all along (dw girl you never will ! but he definitely swings in more than one way.) anyway, every week you two are breaking up over the dumbest shit and your girl friends are TIRED of hearing it. everyday it’s “oh i broke up with him cuz he was liking some bitch’s posts” and then the next day it’s “nevermind guys we’re back together again.” safe to say your girls are sick and tired. truth is, you and shidou simply cannot stay away from each other. no matter how intense your fights get you always find a way back to one another, and ngl your mates (and shidou’s) are tired of it.

charles doesn’t take yall seriously either. he loves you actually, you’re his favorite ex of shidou (or girlfriend, depends on which day of the week it is) but even he doesn’t entertain shidou’s rants about you anymore. he used to LOVE the gossip, but now he just rolls his eyes.

“yall will be back together by tuesday, give it a rest gang.”

Q12 — WHAT DO THEY NOT LIKE ABOUT YOU ?

your trust issues (which are 100% not your fault btw!!) you were actually really trusting initially, always giving shidou the benefit of the doubt. but shidou got an inch and took a mile. he’s never actually cheated, but you always catch him in some girl’s likes or tiktok comments saying “lemme eyp” 💀💀 GIRL IM SO SORRY but like this is shidou 😭 also he’s definitely the kind of guy who reposts hot girls on his fyp i fear 💔 anyways once u confronted him abt all that it stopped, but you occasionally catch him in a girl’s likes from time to time. stuff like that is usually the cause of your fights, and it’s lead to you not trusting him. you’re skeptical about nearly everything he says and does and you NEVER cut him slack. you stand on business (sometimes). if he pisses you off he gets a good scolding followed by silence. no contact at all. but after a while you unfortunately miss your ex and find your way back 💔

honestly, i don’t think shidou does any of the stuff he does to be unfaithful or weird. i genuinely think he’s just been single for a long time and so his every media is just saturated with inappropriate pics of women 😭 you open his insta and his discovery pages is filled with bikini models and only fans promoters. sometimes he absentmindedly likes a few. if shidou were to reset his tiktok and insta trust me you’ll never catch him in anybody’s likes ever again. fuck is he looking for with randoms on the internet when he’s got you ?

Q13 — WHAT DO THEY LOVE MOST ABOUT YOU ?

how assertive you are. he finds it irresistibly hot when you tell him no. shidou’s no stranger to easy girls. back when he was still single, he had a whole roster of pretty girls who’d do anything he asked. but you’re different; you live by your own rules, you see shidou when it’s convenient for you, when you feel like it. sometimes, depending on your mood you treat him like he doesn’t even exist and heaven knows it drives him crazy. he’s not used to having a girl who treats him like an option and damn does it make him worship you. you’re kinda like sae in that aspect actually, and he’s every bit as obsessed with you as he is with the red head.

>> 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 <<

© ─ heartkaji ; do not steal, copy, edit, translate or reupload

[moraxsthrone]

k. alberich x f!reader

notes — sfw. fluff. just smth i whipped up rq so pardon the tense disagreement and the...shittiness?? 🤷🏼‍♀️

when a nurse steps out to tell kaeya to come inside and meet his new baby, his eye widens as friends pat him on the shoulder/back and congratulate him.

he walks into the dimly lit room slowly, treading lightly, afraid to disturb the tranquil atmosphere. his heart is pounding in his chest. he makes his way over to you, propped up in the bed, holding a tiny bundle. you look up and greet him with a tired smile as he leans in and kisses your forehead.

“kaeya, love. meet your new baby daughter,” you breathe, carefully turning her so he can see her tiny face.

kaeya didn’t really know what to expect going into this, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the way his heart exploded the first time he laid eyes on his little girl. his eyes filled with tears before he even realized it, and when you gently removed her little knit cap - 

“look, kaeya,” you whispered excitedly, lovingly stroking the swirl of blue hair on top of her head, “she’s got your hair.”

- he lost it, choking on a sob before covering his mouth for fear of waking her up. he squeezed his eyes tightly shut as tears filled his pretty eyelashes and began to streak down his cheeks.

you watched with a soft smile as he leaned in to press his lips ever-so-gently to her little forehead, a laugh catching in his throat when her precious face scrunched as she slept.

“do you want to hold her?”

his watery eye widened again. “can i?”

you chuckled softly. “of course, you can, silly. you’re her father, after all.”

intellectually, he already knew that, but hearing you say the words with evident pride in your voice solidified it in reality that much more. he’d practiced holding other peoples’ babies, so taking her in his arms didn’t feel awkward to him.

but the weight of his own child far exceeded that of her tiny body when he held her for the first time. he knew instinctively that he was holding the most precious treasure ever to have existed, at least as far as he’s concerned. kaeya loves and cherishes you - he’d go to war like a king for his queen if the circumstances called for it. but he’d never felt more protective of anything in his life than he did over his little baby girl. he’d slay enough legions to end wars just to keep her safe. 

his eyepatch was soaked, uncomfortably so. he glanced around and saw that the nurses had all left the room, leaving just the three of you - the alberichs - alone to have your first moments as a new family. he pushed the wet fabric up to his forehead - something he commonly did when the two of you had a few moments alone - and wiped his eyes.

she yawned and wrapped her tiny hand tightly around his index finger when he touched her cheek, making him smile even as fresh tears filled his eyes.

“well, hello there, baby girl,” he cooed at her, dragging a ragged breath. her lips quivered a bit, but her eyes remained closed. “welcome to this world. it’s kind of a fucked up place- “

“kaeya…” you whispered sharply, but giggled nonetheless.

“-but no matter what happens, i’ll keep you safe. your mother and i both will.” with a little squeak, she began to squirm a little but settled back down as he kissed her head again, the tiny blue wisp tickling his nose. “it’s so wonderful to finally meet you,” he mouthed against her pristine skin.

k. alberich m.list

[ohbo-ohno]

the little pavlov of it omggg

Love the idea where you develop a sort of pavlov response to whenever Simon places you in Johnnys cage— more specifically when he chucks a blanket over it making it dark. You’re left in there for hours, sometimes longer, and any initial fear that you felt beforehand slowly fades into some semblance of calm. (It helps that Simon and Johnny don’t interact with you during this, although Simon definitely has to scold Johnny more than once to get him to listen.)

It’s not immediate, but over time your brain is eventually like: ‘Oh— okay, it’s dark. Time to calm down and chill the fuck out now.’ Simon has an inkling but nothing that confirms his suspicions yet.

Maybe one day something happens and you’re just too worked up to listen to Johnnys reasoning or Simons warnings. You end up on the bed with your back to Simons chest, his legs caging yours so that you can’t kick, one hand holding both your wrists and the other covering your eyes. Johnnys between you, trying to get you to calm down.

“—overwhelmed aren’t you lass? Just need to get it out of your system—“

And eventually, overwhelmed, you break down and just go lax in Simons grip. Johnny crowds closer, cooing at you.

“There you go Bonnie, that’s it—“

Simon keeps your eyes covered, waiting until your sobs taper off until you’re just left hiccuping.

(They’re so gentle with you afterwards too. Some part of you wants to recoil from their touch but you’re too exhausted, too comfortable and warm between the two of them to do so. You end up drifting off tucked under Simons chin and Johnnys arm thrown over you.)

🍋 Anon

i read this right before falling asleep earlier then spent many minutes staring up at the ceiling thinking about it. like. oh my GOD lemon

like a bird. we're using bird logic for this. everyone is going to collectively pretend that you are very easy to brainwash.

the dark and warm comfort of johnny's cage... it becomes a safe space for you. you're very very rarely fucked with when johnny isn't locked in there with you, and pretty early on your brain connects the dark cage with safety, a little bit of peace. simon knows that (has done it very intentionally, in fact) - when you need a space to calm, he throws the blanket over you. When he wants to emphasize a punishment or smth, no blanket and no darkness.

simon covering your eyes, and after a few minutes johnny's mouth :( you need dark and quiet to really calm down, and all of johnny's teasing starts to work you up again. so the three of you end up almost piled on top of each other, simon with a hand over your eyes and one over johnny's mouth to keep the both of you quiet and calm

sooo much aftercare, because you're a little shaky when they let you see again. feel really vulnerable, need a lot of support <3

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hiiii, I just read your Blitz x trans male! Hellhound reader and I loved it! It was so sweet and comforting for someone who's also trans male 🥹 and it got me thinking, what if a male hellhound reader met Blitz one day at a bar or smth (maybe reader works there?) and they get to talking, Blitz is low-key already crushing, pass a date or a few and reader and Blitz are happily dating! Now, Blitz has been wanting for reader and Loona to meet, cause why not? Plot twist, reader is Loona's bio dad! How they find out is up to you 🫶🫶 (and it's totally okay if you're not taking any requests rn, just wanted to toss my thoughts out there) but I do hope you have a nice day, drink some yummy water, eat that good food, and stay safe 😁

Haha! Awww. Really? You’re trans? That’s wonderful, I hope I did okay with representation since I am nervous to tackle it. You are beautiful in all bodies but I am happy you’ve found your preferred skin! Trans support for life! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

By the way, I love this! It’s adorable! I think Blitz meeting Loona’s real mom or dad is a cute concept for even a real episode. I can imagine how grateful the parents would be to Blitz for taking care of their puppy! But anyway. Happy to do this, Blitzy is a good boy and I LOVE him so much. You have no idea!

Also also. Everybody. PLEASE stop hating on Blitz. What is going on with him is NOT his fault! You need to step back and look at what happened before bashing him

Blitzø- High-Tell Surprise

Blitzø doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to romantic partners. He has a endless amount of flings and one-night stands but nobody has truly held his heart in the way Fizzarolli did since him, so he shuts himself out from love to avoid the heartbreak

That was all until he met you…

At your job, at a local kinda shitty bat in Imp City. Blitzø was simply exhausted from such a tiring day at his business; running it, arguing with Moxxie, trying to maintain his beloved Loona. All he wanted was to get a bit hammered to dull how aching he is

Blitzø, at first, simply thought you were quite handsome and appealing as you uninterestedly tending the bar he strolled up to. Hellhound as well, he didn’t even know other Hellhounds stuck around this shithole

But hey. He was interested so he worked his magic on you and in no time, he was holding quite the fun conversation with you whilst you were working. Even though, you could have just told him to leave… you didn’t

And he found that very flattering

This became a weird routine he begun doing. He almost immediately forgot about his weird feelings for the Goetia Prince, Stolas and focused more on you to the point that everybody noticed it, even Loona. Coming to the same bar every single day after work, to talk to you and you became his friend in no time

Blitzø isn’t usually the type to make friends with others since he’s quite shielded and closed-off emotionally but yet, he’s still pursuing some type of connection with you and he doesn’t know if it’s because you’re so attractive or it’s because he wants you to be in his life

It felt like everything went by in a blissful blur for Blitzø since all he remembers past up to THAT day is just casual conversations over alcohol that got him wrecked faster than he wants to admit

The mischievous Imp, during his Blitzed state one afternoon at the bar you worked at. I’ll say that it’s become the norm for him to be a regular at your workplace, managed to stumble out something along the lines of;

“Wanna go out with me?”

And surprisingly! You said yes. He almost couldn’t believe it, he never ever wanted to pursue a relationship, out of his fear of intimacy but he can’t get out of this now. He’d have kissed your cute doggy snout right there if he wouldn’t fall over from all the alcohol making his head woozy

You did go on a date with him the next morning… many dates throughout the weeks and eventually, Blitzø decided that weird but pleasant burning beat in his heart is worth to pursue, even if he was so afraid of rejection. He shot his shot and he finally didn’t miss, since now. You’re his hot fluffy wolf boyfriend!

These few months have been even more blissful and kinda blurry than the weeks he spent getting tipsy just to talk to you. He gets to come to your apartment every day, he gets somebody to kiss and talk to, somebody to lean on, somebody to remind him he isn’t alone

Blitzø has introduced you to everybody he loves… being his employees but not the most important one in his life. Loona!

How could he forget?!

Blitzø quickly decides he needs to arrange a meeting inbetween you and his beloved Loonie-Toonie proto since you’re her new stepdad after all. Plus, you’re both fluffy wolfy Hellhounds. He believes it fits and believes that you’ll make a great father figure for his beloved daughter

Okay… he wanted you to be a good father figure to Loona but he did NOT know you were her dad! Holy shit! Blitzø nearly choked on his food when you suddenly picked out a locket necklace, the one belonging to your late wife… the mother of Loona and compared Loona to the baby picture of her

You recognised Loona as scarily familiar, the moment your cute smol imp boyfriend introduced her as his daughter

You and her do very much share blaring similarities physically but Blitzø always figured Hellhounds look similar and never thought much but when you showed off your wife’s locket necklace and compared the picture inside to Loona

Blitzø couldn’t believe his luck… he scored his daughter’s biological father?! And said biological father is actually caring and loving and regrets giving up Loona

Blitzø, the second you revealed this, was ready to kick you out for hurting Loona but when he heard yours and your late wife’s side of the story… he couldn’t bring himself to be angry at you. You did the right thing by saving Loona from a poverty-stricken life

On the other hand, Loona isn’t that happy with you at all

Even so, Blitzø is confident that you’ll be able to repair your relationship with your daughter eventually. He is here to support you all the way and as also Loona’s dad, he will help repair this as much as he can

As he does truly love you, he loves you even more knowing you didn’t just abandon Loona selfishly and did a truly selfless thing for her. You’re a wonderful man, as Blitzø says

By the way, Blitzø finds your late deceased wife attractive and says she is a babe when you show him the pics of her but he respects the fact you’ll always love Loona’s mother, even when you’re with him… hell, he says he’d bang her if she was still alive— that’s just Blitzø

“Hey. Hey. Hey, Bae. Listen to me, I know what Loony said really hurt but she’s just a sensitive soul. I know, she’ll come around, trust me. I know how our daughter is”

[wronglennon]

need need need to hear what the 1969 era was like in your daemon AU, like what are yoko and lindas daemons, what was the get back era like, what shape does George’s daemon settle into this fic has taken over my brain

hi!! this is so fun im so pleased you’re invested because me and james @menlove (hi james) have been talking about this constantly. i wanna break some stuff down into bulletpoints, and then theres some stuff i wanna keep for later works because i am definitely planning to write a piece set in the get back era and a piece in the 70s (maybe they’ll kind of conjoin into another longform thing but who knows). i fear this is long so im putting it under the cut but should anyone like to read the fic here’s the link (user only im afraid)

george’s daemon (rimbaud) settles as a snake, specifically a burmese python, which i weirdly only settled on yesterday. james and i had liked the idea for his daemon being a snake but i couldn’t decide between something smaller or smth more akin to the burmese python but james pointed out how well the large snake imagery would go with a lot of goerge’s stuff. i mean. i love the image of a huge snake in the grass on the cover of all things must pass, kind of curled next to him.

linda’s daemon is a sun bear called theseus!! i just love the idea of two very earth bound animals for her and paul, especially how connected and enmeshed in nature they become with the farm etc. i think a lot about one of yokos quotes about linda’s smile being like the sun or something similar (paraphrasing) and i think the warmth and also the care and comfort that comes with the association and image of bears is very her, but there’s still a fierceness and protectiveness that feels very necessary. i liked theseus as a name for her as well because of the greek figure that beats the minotaur and finds his way out of the labyrinth (navigating the john paul relationship in the late 60s is incredibly labyrinthian to me) but also because he is the king in a midsummer’s night’s dream that watches the botched performance of pyramus and thisbe! just felt verryyyy pertinent

yoko’s daemon is a dragonfly called rentaro. i also like the idea of both yoko’s and linda’s daemons being male i think there’s something about the identities and the sort of respective queerness in both their relationships but also yoko with john’s many comments of her being like a bloke in drag etc. i love the notion of a dragonfly for her as they’re largely seem to symbolise and change in perspective and a rebirth of sorts which i think is very much what she meant for john, but also what her relationship with john meant for her. plus the kind of graceful, airborne creature matches thisbe in that they’re both creatures of flight. whereas paul and linda are earthbound, there’s something very untied and abstract about john and yoko. plus, his name is rentaro because of yoko’s father being a pianist, and rentarō taki is a rlly interesting japanese pianist from the late 19th century. he has one composition of a piece that translates to ‘moon over the ruined castle’, which brought to mind allusions of the moon and the sea, the tides etc, and how yoko’s name written in kanji reads as ‘ocean child’. its a sort of tenuous link but felt associatively fitting in my mind, with john and yoko alternating as the moon and the ocean in their relationship

the get back era leading into the separation is obviously a veryyy tense time for john and paul but particularly moreso because there are these creatures representative of their souls and their true feelings which they can’t entirely control and so continue to give them away. john’s residual affection towards paul is shown by how thisbe still flocks to him as though he’s this safe space, and john really starts to resent thisbe for it, and pulls away from paul even more to compensate for it. meanwhile, paul obviously can see that john isn’t completely unfeeling where he’s concerned, due to thisbe, but (and james puts this in a way i love) it means very little when he’s making the decision to convey a lack of care with his actions over and over. there may be a love at the core of everything but it doesn’t matter if it’s not able to change anything. there’s one particular incident at the end of the get back sessions that contributes veryyy heavily to the distance between the two and particularly pyramus withdrawing from the relationship which i am very excited to eventually write on because it breaks my heart.

anyways! that’s a lot of information i am always extremely happy to talk about this au seeing as its on my brain always. im so pleased as well that you liked the fic and want to know more!! not sure when i’ll be able to work on more instalments in the universe (i have some other projects on my mind too) but it’s one of my favourite things to talk and think about so thanks so much <33

[nrc-confessions]

Okay here’s the whole story I apologize greatly for how long this is

So today I was cooking lunch for myself at Scarabia, (I sometimes have to cook for myself if the cafeteria doesn’t have any of my safe foods that day) and I heard someone enter the kitchen. The dorm was mostly empty so I expected it to just be some other Scarabia student I’ve never met or smth

Lo and behold, it wasn’t, it was Kalim

Me and him share a class idk if I’ve said that (new spider anon lore 🤯) and he’d gotten injured during P.E this morning so I figured he was at the dorm as well, but I assumed he’d be in his room. It wasn’t anything bad he just fell off his broom and got kinda bruised up but Jamil was still flipping his shit

ANYWAY I finished cooking and ended up sharing some food w Kalim (side note he’s eaten my food before and I’m always rlly touched abt it bcuz Ik he struggles w eating food that Jamil didn’t cook and just knowing he trusts me that much is hnnnnnng) and once we finished eating he asked if I wanted to go carpet flying

I knew he was exempt from class bcuz he got hurt but I still very much had to go to class around this time, but I was not about to miss this opportunity so alchemy be damned

We’ve gone carpet flying once or twice before but from what I understand Kalim takes rlly anyone he feels like carpet flying (including paw anon fuck you calliope I havent forgiven you) so I didn’t think too much of it but at this point I was already gay panicking so this didn’t help

Anyway we get on the carpet n all that and I was kinda starting to zone out of a few reasons, the main being i have a slight fear of heights and I was kinda exhausted cuz I’ve had a tough past couple weeks but I was also zoning out bcuz I tend to do that while in close proximity to kalim

So I went kinda quiet and just hoped he’d keep talking and wouldn’t notice (also bcuz I love listening to him ramble) but he went quiet after a second too and then asked if I was okay, and I quickly said I was fine and went back to being silent but he didn’t keep talking so it was kinda awkward for a second THEN HE FUCKIN “are you sure you’re okay, habibi?” And I almost fell off the carpet

I made a comment abt how I was just rlly tired and ended up kinda rambling then I rambled a bit too far and said like ‘and you know how I get around you’ but I laughed it off and hoped he didn’t notice but he DID and HE TOOK IT THE WEONF WAY cuz he assumed that meant I didn’t like being around him??? And so I tried to elaborate without outing myself which was rlly hard and I think he caught on but he didn’t say anything so I just kept talking and digging myself a deeper hole but then (this is where I get really pathetic) I looked at him and he just had the most gentle patient expression on his face and I just started sobbing bcuz no one’s ever looked at me like that and i can’t properly process my emotions NORMALLY much less when it’s him then he kinda panicked a little bit but then he hugged me out of nowhere and I was NOT okay but I also kinda needed it so I just kinda sat there and cried into his shoulder for a few minutes and he was like whispering things some of it was in English some of it was in Arabic and I don’t know if it was making me cry harder or helping but he was like running his fingers through my hair and I just couldn’t take it anymore and I completely lost grasp of my emotions and ended up saying I love you without even realizing it then as soon as I realized it I panicked and let go of the hug and apologized but he just put his hands on my face and looked at me with his pretty fucking eyes and said it was okay and I lost all ability to breathe

Anyway he kinda like came closer and I was expecting him to hug me again but then he like moved his hand to my shoulder and used the other one to move my hair out of my face and I just completely lost it everything I did from here on is a blurry haze I was fueled by exhaustion and Gay panic but I lunged forward and kissed him AND HE KISSED BACK AND PUT HIS HANDS IN MY HAIR AND I STARTED CRYING AGAIN but then he brought thr carpet back down and I ran off to class and I’m currently typing this while half listening to Crewel yell at me but uh that happened

-🕷️

Thank you for your confession!

[m1ckeyb3rry]

WELCOME BACK!! Hope you had a fun time!!!! And so real sometimes a bit of recharging is in order after going hard on activities LOL also we really are synced up I just got back from a meetup so back to chronically online again!! Lowk costume photoshoot with takis kinda slays but OMG LMK IF YOU DO RESTART ONE??? Lowk I would join you if you did do that but I have no idea where my ds is oops so gotta find that first

FREEDOMMMM *insert that chain breaking meme pic here LOL* honestly good for you looking back on wattpad now it truly is a bit of a train wreck

The premonitions are crazy Yuta and then tabieitaken….lowk your blog/writing is just manifesting material atp I’m convinced

IM CRYING NIKOOOOO LMFAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA THE LAST SCENE WHERE HES SO INTO THE STYLISH GLAM POSE WITH ARYU HAD ME WHEEEZING honestly oaeu Niko is just canon Niko atp as seen by that AT that was way too funny

Older sisters meet up when they definitely bully their bros in a sibling way and have coffee over how dumb they are LMAOO ugh I need to see their visuals (besides chigiris since we’ve already seen her but the more content the better)

So real wait I’m crying this just feels like another crossover with pursuit it’s giving Niko when he saves Prof Aiku and picks a starter except he’s feeding pigeons with Aiku in a park playing Cupid LMAOO

If Karasu had that accent I would’ve cried but FR especially since Rin even calls Nanase country bumpkin??? And just looking prefecture wise Kyoto and Osaka are still two of the main places while Nanase is from ibaraki (I think) which is definitely not a central prefecture lmao but it is what it is wait I forgot until you mentioned but I love chigiris too!! The boyish sass is really nice I love his dub and sub voice I’m glad they didn’t choose some like stereotypical super high pitched voice LMAO also yeahhh just sound wise I don’t enjoy Bachira’s but I feel like it does match him relatively well? It’s got kinda that quirky feel iykwim

LMAOAOAOA real the hunched over non proper delinquent stance it’s so funny but FR like imagine him throwing hands kinda like the kiyora fic situation you’d definitely be safe with Karasu defending you….SHIDOU PLEASEEE he would fr do that though like cmon Shidou help us out…maybe use up all the wax while you’re at it too……

Karasu’s arms look too good at least we know the studio won’t screw up a muscle scene LMAO

I’m crying I saw a comment saying “close enough welcome back satoru gojo” LMFAOOOOO so real though I need to know what’s going on with the white hair (ik it’s probs not actually and just for dramatic effect but I do wanna see how it ends up being colored) but no fr im SICK OF THE OPPS it’s literally just been Kaiser Rin isagi for the past idk two months WHERES MY KARASU MOMENT RAGGGGHHDGHSHS

LFMAOAOA STOPPP NOT RHE EINSTEIN CUT AND THW COMBOVERS SHDJLSKS imagine otoya bald except for one strip of green in the middle of his hair waxed up into a Mohawk (I’ve fr seen people unironically choose this look and I’m ngl I wonder what’s going on)

YESSS STARTING NEXT WEEK!!! The stubble is SO. BAD. You could never catch me going for him with that stubble someone please hand that man some shaving cream

Wait speaking of any crazy Mira lore this time?? Judging by the fact that your back on here I think it’s safe to say you made it out in one piece though LOL

Always wishing it was Karasu ugh I’m still always shocked that he doesn’t have more fans just worldwide in general like you’re telling me you really like Kaiser with the piñata looking hair more than Karasu??? Whatever I guess

LMAOAOA omg CHIGIRI???? Lowk that edit makes him look really good but sadly at the expense of nagi SHEHSJS but I remember two birds flooding tiktok for a long time with a bunch of fanart so seeing that back gave me war flashbacks

- Karasu anon

KADHSHSN I FEAR I LIED A BIT i was PLANNING on lying in bed eating takis and watching tv or smth but after my photo shoot i ended up hanging out with one of my best friends in her apartment until 3am so i did in fact drive home and crash immediately hence the tumblr silence from me but everything is done now so i am finally ACTUALLY free 😭🙏🏻 omg wait lmk if you find your ds i wouldn’t mind restarting a game…probably either pearl or alpha sapphire (or maybe i’ll suck it up and play moon or ultra moon through without hating the entire time)

wattpad is going so downhill and the way they try to get everyone to pay for premium and stuff is soooo annoying plus with every year that goes by i get more and more easily annoyed by the people on the app LDBDHSN it doesn’t help that I had so many readers that the comments really ran the gamut in terms of being super mean or super sweet honestly i feel sm better having it gone though even if it does mean i get way less comments/readers it truly just stopped being worth it

LMAOOO if kashimo blows up with jjk s3 then that’s how we’ll know for sure ☝🏻 i’m just a side character enthusiast what can i say…always seeing the potential in men who don’t get enough attention 😫

OKAY BUT HE KILLEDDDDDD THAT GLAM POSE LMAOAOA THE WAY HE WAS LIKE “wait this is kinda fun” WAS SO FUNNY TOO DKFHDJD oaeu niko fr is just him in canon i can’t wait for NEL to be animated just for the different team’s additional times…like imagine karasu shidou rin nanase additional times…bachira otoya lavinho additional times…UBERS ADDITIONAL TIMES…ngl idc abt mc additional times because they’d make them be super nagireo focused but maybe a chris prince additional time ☝🏻

the tension between wanting more girls vs knowing they will never draw or write any because they don’t like women…fine…i’ll do it myself (writing wise ofc someone else will have to pick up the slack on the drawing side)

i was worried that chigiri’s dub was going to be weird and overly feminine/sassy somehow but i’m really glad he actually has one of the more masculine (not necessarily deep) voices and his sass just feels like typical trash talk not some weird borderline stereotype 😭😭😭 agreed i thought kyoto was like one of the bigger cities in japan?? just based on what i know abt the region i feel like maybe uhhhh a boston accent might’ve made more sense?? if they HAD to do an accent for hiori ngl him with a boston accent would’ve cracked me tf up though either way it def should’ve been much slighter than what it is…bachira’s fits him for the most part i think the exaggerated vowels just get to me sometimes 😔

karasu would def never let anyone bother me LMAOAOA need a man like that in my life 😩 but FRR SHIDOU PLEASE JUST ONCE JUST DO THIS FOR ME PLEASEEEEE omg wait can you imagine they get in a fight BECAUSE shidou uses all of the hair wax so it’s just hair down karasu punching shidou…i’m blushing omg PXG ADDITIONAL TIME MANIFESTING RN

hmm i think it’s probably meant to just be like a lot of light being thrown at him??? so if they color it it’ll probably be smth like that 🤔 agreed though i’m so tired of the opps continuing to win i need this game to be over i literally don’t even care who wins i want to see how barcha vs mc goes!! IF I CAN’T HAVE KARASU GIVE ME BACK NAGI 😭🙏🏻

HELPPPP NOT OTOYA WITH A SINGULAR SPIKE PLS I’M CRYING I’D ACTUALLY DIE imagine that’s how he pulls up in a time skip epilogue thing i’d laugh so hard

maybe it’s because there’s different values in the anime so it’s not just black and white but the stubble is sm more prominent and horrible looking in the anime 😭😭😭 like i was kinda getting over it/glossing over it in my mind in the manga but it is EGREGIOUS in the anime oh my god 😰😰😰 pls also i forgot how much of a beast aiku was at first he lowkey became irrelevant in NEL but he was a MENACE in the u20s game like bro single-handedly prevented the bllk11 from absolutely DESTROYING them 😫 the u20s truly would be nothing without him…also smth about him and nagi being the only ones who are the same height (only gagamaru and that one irrelevant rlly tall guy are taller) is crazy to me

HAHAHA WE MADE IT OUT ALIVE 🤩🙏🏻 it was mostly just guys flirting with my best friend and i vs me accidentally shutting them down…i have 0 filter when drunk so i’m either really nice or kinda villainous 😭 but we didn’t have enough to go TOO wild so in general it was just low level crazy interactions instead of anything too terrifying 😪 we did see a couple of opps but they stayed away so nothing too bad there!! my best friend and i (we actually went out as a trio but our third best friend is lesbian and men must sense that because they never really flirt w her thankfully) did pass by these two really hot guys who complimented our costumes and dropped a few lines but we were going in the opposite direction and were too drunk to remember much abt them except that one of them had a tattoo on his chest that was super memorable but that’s all 😩 in another life or smth maybe…

I THINK IT’S INSANE THAT PEOPLE HATE ON KARASU’S HAIR AND THEN TURN AROUND AND ARE KAISER FANS KFJDHSSJS as if his hair is not equally as goofy…at least karasu’s is THEMATICALLY fitting kaiser’s is just like that for unknown reasons 😭😭😭 ngl it’s always the kaiser stans acting up and saying the most abt other characters as if their man is not literally…kaiser…

LMAOOO THAT’S PROBABLY THE FIRST CHIGIRI EDIT I’VE SENT YOU but yeah sometimes you just have to accept the slander 😔 it’s okay like i said i don’t mind nagireo slander if it’s them as a duo because i myself am a hater of them together so like it’s fine…i guess…anyways yeah i remember that audio being really big a while ago ngl i never really liked it smth abt it as a song doesn’t vibe w me 😫 but i do like edits that remixed it like that one did!!

[epipenis]

what would i say

“i’ve been lying to you, it’s not fine” i’ve said that, idk if it would have the weight that the truth does.

i think i’ve been trying to let it bleed out for a long time. idk if there’s a solution. i feel like we’re together compulsorily…. i hate that. i want to feel wanted……… i dont. idk. maybe i do. i feel myself becoming a bad person. a sneak. a liar. more.

i want to let it bleed out. but i feel fear, for so many reasons…. because of history. with devin. without devin.

and ofc, i know devin hates long convos. perhaps i’ve been lying to myself most of all. im so hurt. and idek what for anymore. none of it feels justified enough. i don’t want to torture them. i think i’ve failed us. how do i proceed? idk if it’s just seeking comfort or displacement or what, but i think maybe we’ve always been doomed. i was too fragile and needing to be wanted at all. in any capacity. and devin similar. we’ve grown so much, and yet so much damage has been done. can i ever tell the truth? will you hate me? will you run away? have i caused too much damage to repair. i want you to comfort me in that, but i know its not your job. some secrets i keep so close, i end up telling lies to bury them and then forget the truth. i think im fake. i’m made of plastic. fear. need for control. so many things. so much pain. so much failure. god……… no one can comfort me. you could leave me… maybe you should. i think “i want you to show me gratitude for what i’ve done for you, what i’ve sacrificed”. but that’s not it. it’s about what that gratitude means. it means i’m safe, it means you love me. it means you’ll forgive me. even when im annoying. even when i keep making long conversations happen. even when i pull away because idk what to do anymore, i want you to maybe feel pain and if you don’t then it wouldn’t matter anyways and maybe it would just make you happier.

i keep thinking “please just hold me”…. i hate my brain. i want to kill myself…. try again in another life. but doesn’t everybody feel this way? isn’t everyone this… complicated. what are we. what am i. why do i exist. i’m not strong enough for them. i’m nothing. and i show that pain and fear…. and it makes it worse…. they resent me for asking for too much…. they’re learning to pull back…. and honestly. it’s for the best…. i know it is. but some awful part of me that doesn’t know any safety or comfort outside of a cycle wishes…. so badly…. that you wouldn’t. but i did this all for you… fuck olivia rodrigo for that line.. yeah.. i do think about it we broke up, i would probably feel that way about your therapist that i found, for us, and gave to you. you’re all i think about…. is this love? is this enmeshment? have i lied so skillfully that i’ve even convinced myself… do i even know how to love. am i that broken. i want to suffer so i dont have to think about it anymore. when im suffering at least i can just focus on that…. god if you ever saw this. you’d hate me. maybe not hate. but you’d know i’m bad for you. and you’d be right. and it wouldn’t even matter that i’m crying about it right now. because you’d be gone. and better off for it. my world- my thoughts, are so painful, all i ever think about in regards to them is wanting to be hurt and wanting to be comforted. one day mom and dad will die. and i will be truly alone. no one will be forced to care about me. no matter how hard i try. no matter how much i try to force smth so that its capability of working without force is indiscernible. no. not even then. i will hurt you. i will frustrate you. i will need too much. heaven isn’t real. and nobody can give it to me.

devin please love me. please want me. please…. i shouldn’t ask this of you any longer. you can have a good life, i can see it… you should have it… im…. i won’t say nothing because i think if i did you would give up on me- because what’s it worth trying with someone who feels that way.

what is human connection really? i mean… i said previously i couldn’t let you see this place. i changed the url and everything. and now, i think, that’s just fear, it could happen. i could show all parts to you and you to me. i want to die because i think that’s the only way it could be possible. i don’t actually want to die…. idk…. life hasn’t gone super well for me. and if you left…. idk….. i think that would… just…… traumatize me more. idk if i could cope without allowing it to become trauma. would i want to leave you first? idk…. i think i guess i just don’t want to see you be happy… functional…. better off without me. i want to be good for somebody. anybody.

the only way to let go of this fear is to truly find altruism at the same moment as another. to want you because i want you. not for me. and for you to do the same. idk if that’s possible. what does it mean to want…. to be wanted…. can even the best professionals help me? will i just live on like this forever until i die too. i will die. this life isn’t real…. it is…. but…… it’s not mine. my life was supposed to have heaven. my life was supposed to have that comfort. unconditional. dad did it- why can’t i? what could i need? is the solution to bury it? how deep would it have to go… is the solution to gaslight myself? idk how much feeling it can solve in this situation. i’m trying so fucking hard………. and it’s still…. too much, and not enough.

ugh. devin please….. idek what i’m asking for. i do. and im trying not to.

please live for yourself…. and in your memory think fondly of me…. know that as fucked as it is and was…. as much as i couldn’t do it for altruism…. that i tried… and i do genuinely hope your life is better off for it. go find it somewhere. out there.

fuck.

i feel like my mind is turning into scrambled eggs. i don’t know how to parse it. idk how i get through the day, i just- do? how long ago did i stop feeling? does everyone feel? does everyone stop? do they feel it like i do- or does it happen young enough? idk.

i want to process this. it’s so big. how?

if i can’t find a resolution at least try to emotionally support the other and be compassionate…

last thing- it makes me sad that you felt negatively about that long convo… i- i felt good…. it made me so happy. it changed so much in me. i know it was long. and bumpy…… but i was so happy. i thought you were too. maybe you were and i didn’t know it, maybe im just getting one version. maybe i should ask you about it…. how would i react if you confirmed my fears….

anyways. i don’t feel like i really have friends anymore. i feel distant from everyone. i miss sam so much. i think he would get it. maybe… perhaps i just have an idea of him, and not actually him. devin….. ugh, im not gonna ask you to hold me. i have to try to take responsibility for this…. all of this. i have to right?

devin feels distant. they don’t want me to be growing and processing like this with them. they want me to do it on my own. like they do, more and more. but without this- what’s left?

how can i support and be compassionate for myself right now. here. i’m grateful for my vulnerability. i’m sorry it hurts, it’s a lot of big heavy emotions, from so long ago. it’s not easy. it’s ok that it hurts. it’s ok that it’s a lot.

finn, i promise to try- no, i promise to learn to love you unconditionally, because no one else will. you are brave, you are strong. you are worthy. you do good. you struggle, you have done things that are wrong, you have hurt others, but you are good. you can be good no just reactionarily, you can change and be kind and strong for yourself, not just out of guilt. try one step at a time.

devin is right. getting out will help.

it will be ok. i will grow. i will struggle. and it will be worth it- finn- you are worth it. you are good, you are loved- by me. i love you. i will hold you. i will be kind to you. i will not let others hurt you. i promise you. shh, it’s ok, now rest, you’re safe, you’re loved, you’re wanted, you are worthy, you are useful, you’re ok. rest. it’s ok. it won’t always be easy to comfort you this way, but i will do it. i will be here with you. even when it’s hard. i’ll never leave. i am you. you are me. i will find a way for us- me, to find comfort from within, so we can stop hurting ourselves and others so much.

[chronic-invisibility]

Possible tw for ed mentions, sh mentions, meltdowns, and gi issues

So i’ve been having horrible gi issues on and off for months, and then when i started new antidepressants they got worse, so i stopped taking them (as instructed by my psychiatrist, don’t stop taking meds without talking to your doctor) and we waited a while and then were like ok let’s try something else. Same problem. I’ve basically been living in the bathroom, i can barely go to work, i had to go to urgent care last week it was so bad. So i finally saw a gi specialist today and we’re basically going to have to try systematically ruling things in my diet out to see if any of those are the problem, do some bloodwork, and if none of that gives us any answers, do a colonoscopy. I’m already stressed as fuck bc having wicked diarrhea several times a day and no solutions and having to go to work anyway while all this is happening is really bad, but as someone with limited foods i eat in the first place due to my sensory issues from autism and also an undiagnosed ed (which is rapidly turning from probably osfed or smth into just full blown fear of food and eating bc i have no clue what’s setting my stomach off) this is going to be really hard. The first thing he wants me to stop eating is dairy, and cheese is one of my safe foods. If i don’t eat cheese for 4-5 days like he’s suggesting, i’m basically just not going to eat lunch the whole time. And then if that’s not it, try other things, like fresh fruits and veggies, which i actually do like, so that’ll suck, too, and then soy and eggs and then wheat.

If none of it helps, I’m going to have to get a colonoscopy, which is deeply unpleasant when you’re healthy but even worse if you’re not, and i’ve also had a pretty bad relapse with sh recently and that will be very visible if i have to do a colonoscopy, which is also stressing me out. I don’t want to do a colonoscopy, mostly bc of how awful it is but also bc i don’t know what they’ll say or do if they see pretty fresh cvts all over my hips, i’m an adult so they probably can’t tell my parents without breaking a bunch of hipaa laws, but who knows what they’d do. Not me. I’m really not sure what’s going to happen, and i’m stressed about cutting back my already limited diet, and honestly i don’t think any of the foods he wants me to stop eating are the problem, bc it’s not like “oh when i eat bread i shit myself” or “oh when i eat cheese i shit myself” or any of that, really, i just have horrible horrible abdominal pain and have to rush to the bathroom 3-5 times a day. And it gets better after like 4pm ish anyway but i feel like that might be bc i’ve not really been eating breakfast or lunch most days and by that point there’s just literally nothing left in my system to come out, and then i eat a small but otherwise normal dinner, maybe a snack, and then it starts all over again the next day. I just don’t know what’s going on, and that’s why i went to see a specialist, but i feel like some of the things we might have to do are going to cause more distress than just having horrible gi issues forever. And i can’t exactly say “i’m not going to do that even if it might fix the problem bc i’m a whiny pathetic baby” and i’m DEFINITELY not going to say anything about the sh stuff, i’m just hoping he finds something between the lab work and the diet stuff and we don’t have to do the colonoscopy. But honestly if i end up being lactose intolerant i’m not going to stop eating dairy, we’ll just have to find a way to mitigate symptoms bc that would be cutting out one of the main things i do eat and that seems like a worse plan than avoiding it. If it’s soy or gluten or whatever i can deal, plenty of people have celiac or soy intolerances or any number of other things, but if this is lactose i’m not gonna be able to just do alternatives and give it up. I’m just not. And if none of this is the problem and the colonoscopy doesn’t give us answers either then i have no clue what to do. Obviously that’s why i saw him, bc he’s the one who has to figure it out, but i’m stressed. And meanwhile i basically just have to not be on any antidepressants bc they keep making it worse. Hopefully if we can figure out what’s causing the problem we can do something to either fix or manage it, and eventually i can go back on some kind of antidepressants bc i really shouldn’t be completely unmedicated, i’m such an asshole and i keep having meltdowns and making everyone around me miserable. Which also side note, i used to think i never had meltdowns growing up but i definitely did i just didnt know that’s what they were, i thought sometimes i just cried hysterically for hours and could barely function afterwords and it was just part of life, but now i know what it is and jesus it fucking sucks, i hate it so much. The one on sunday was even worse than usual i basically destroyed my room and hit my head on the floor and my bedframe a bunch and made my parents even more upset than usual, it was awful and i hate it so much. I guess part of the reason i thought i didnt have meltdowns is bc for a few years the meds i was on made me so numb i literally couldnt have anything close to that and was basically a zombie but before that i used to just collapse and cry and cry and cry and barely be able to talk or do anything for a day or so after and i guess that’s what my meltdowns are.

Idk all of this just kinda sucks really bad and i there’s almost nothing i can do about it other than see if it’s a diet issue or something else and hope i wont have to do a colonoscopy and hope we find some kind of solution bc i cant keep living like this.

[soulprompts]

"𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒" 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒.

so i started listening to music, and reading poems, and my vibes were very shippy for a while, and then my sims got married so obviously that didn’t help??? anyway, none of these are written by me, aside from the third one. i saw them on insta or i read them in lyrics or smth, they’re incredibly romantic, very eloquent and passionate and sincere, so i hope you shippy angels like them!! as always, please DO NOT ADD ANY MORE PROMPTS TO THIS LIST!!! i will make more!! i am a simp!! 

“ you are half my soul. “

“ i wish i could tell you what you are to me. “

“ you say you’re dangerous. that you destroy everything you touch. so destroy me. ruin me. tear me apart, and let me love you all the same. “

“ our “almost” will always haunt me. “

“ only love can hurt like this. “

“ i just want you to be happy. if that’s with me or with someone else or with nobody... i just want you to be happy. “

“ i love you. i feel as though we were never strangers, you and i, not even for a moment. “

“ if anyone else were to kiss me, all they would taste is your name. “

“ the stars will go out before i forget you. “

“ i will love you if i never see you again, and i will love you if i see you every day. “

“ if i loved you less, i might be able to talk about it more. “

“ there’s nothing i wouldn’t do for you. “

“ i just realized i don’t care if they’re the most perfect person in the world. they’re not you. “

“ you know how i feel about you... you’ve always known. “

“ i forget every beauty in the universe, the moment you smile. “

“ i say it all the time, i just say it very very quietly. i tell you when you’re in another room, or right after we hang up the phone. i say it after you shut the door behind you. i say it in my head every time you look at me. i love you. of course i love you. i never stopped. “

“ i feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. maybe we’re from the same star. “

“ my only hope is that one day i can love myself as much as i love you. “

“ in the space, the pause, between this breath and the one that follows, you have made a home in me. “ 

“ i loved the way you touched me with your eyes and felt me with mine. “

“ you’ve always seen me. and i think that’s all that anyone wants. seeing someone. really seeing someone. that’s love. “

“ you kissed my cheek. and then i knew, that you could be homesick for people, too. “

“ all i’ve known are temporary people, the leaving and the hoping, the begging someone to stay... so forgive me if i break apart when you say the word “forever”. “

“ sometimes i wonder if love is worth fighting for. and then i look at you and i’m ready for war. “

“ my darling, you will never be unloved by me. you are too well entangled in my soul. “

“ i climb into my bathtub the same way i’ll keep loving you; until my skin is wrinkled. “

“ and if i could ever ask for one more blessing in this life of mine, i’d pray for a thousand years to see you one more time. “

“ when i am near you, i finally know how it feels to breathe without worry, without caution. i just feel safe with you... “

“ you kissed me goodbye, but you never left. i’ve been seeing you every time i close my eyes. “

“ what cloud did you fall from? because you taste like stardust and eternity. “

“ all i know is, when i think of you, i feel like singing. and i feel like i could run miles to find you. all i’m sure of is, i love you, entirely as you are. “

“ i will never regret us, because you taught me i could love and be loved without the fear of loss. “

“ i wanna spend the rest of my sunsets with you. “

“ let’s do something crazy. like grow old together. let’s show everyone how to do forever. “

“ and i’m not afraid to love you. only afraid my love won’t be enough. “

“ the universe has existed for billions of years, and by chance, we ended up living at the same time. that counts for something. “

“ the sky exploded into a thousand moonbeams dazzling with stars, and as you stared quietly above, i couldn’t help but stare at you, falling in love. “

“ there is a little bit of you in all the words i write. maybe you’re the language of love my heart speaks. “

“ you deserve someone who isn’t okay with losing you. “

“ they named a black hole after you, and i’d be lying if i said you weren’t pulling me in. “

“ i thought i knew what love was, until i felt your arms around me, and realized what it truly was. “

“ i wish you were here. or... or i was there, or something... i don’t know. i just wish i was with you. “