#smash that like button if you got that reference

[egberts]

fig BIG

you could be a big fig too, oi!

[courtingchaos]

Feast

Pairing: Eddie x Reader x Steve, past Eddie x Steve (set in my Line Cook Eddie AU)

Word Count: 9.8K

Summary: It’s a Graveyard Lake House Smash 🎃

A/N: When I tell you Woof, I mean WOOF. I don’t want to tell you all how long I’ve had this sitting in the crockpot. It’s surprising it didn’t turn to ash. Instead I got this! Struck by what I can only describe as mania I was able to finish this and edit it all with the help of @jo-harrington . Now I have many many MANY people to thank for this even being an idea for me to play around with and I won’t fill this page up with a bunch of tags. Those of you that were there for its inception know and that’s what matters. Talk about a fucking labor of love. I pulled this out of my own viscera, I hope you like it ❤️ (Also, reference is made to the fic Strawberry if you guys want to go look at that smut too, but it is not needed.)

Warnings: Drug use (cocaine, weed), Drinking, DVP, Unprotected sex, Sex while under the influence

NSFW 18+ No Minors

“Oh this is cute.” The flyer invite is bright orange and full of Eddie’s little doodles.

“Yeah? You like it?” Eddie leans over your shoulder. “Made it all by myself.”

“You even signed it, look at you.” You grab his chin and give it a wiggle before he plants a kiss on your cheek.

“Obviously we’re invited. I’ve got my costume all planned out already.” He heads into the bedroom and misses you pulling a face.

“Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I won’t be there.”

His head sticks out around the doorframe, “What?”

“Yeah, too many requests off. I gotta close.”

“Okay? You’re off at what, 9:30?” Eddie waves you off before disappearing in the bedroom. “I’ll pick you up and we can be to Steve’s by 10, 10:30. Piece of cake, piece of crumb cake.” He does his best Father Guido from inside his closet and it makes you laugh.

“I’m gonna be tired, Ed.”

“And I’m gonna have weed.” He reappears with a different hoodie on.

You huff. “I don’t have a costume.”

“I’ll find you one.”

“I hate bagged stuff!” You aren’t really arguing with him, just pushing his buttons enough to see where his exasperation will take him. It sends his arms over his head while he goes headlong into all the costumes you could put together with the shit in your own closet.

“So no bagged stuff! You could pull off a Nancy Downs or a Sidney.”

“Will you go as Stu?”

Eddie stands like he’s upset with you, arms crossed and voice dropping low for a moment. “You know damn well I’d have to go as Billy. Plus,” he flits his hand beside his face, “like I said I already have my costume.”

“You won’t tell me?” You don’t even fake your pout. “I need help with an idea! Come on!”

“It’s a surprise!” He shakes your shoulder and when you don’t stand he hauls you up by your hand so you can finally run errands for the day. “Look, when we’re done at the store I’ll help you dig through your shit and piece something together.”

By store he really meant every shop in town with a Halloween section and only a quick run into a grocery store for mac and cheese. One of your last stops is at a Party City where you’re staring at the wall of masks feeling a little dejected. Halloweens haven’t felt fun in a while and this one was shaping up to be just as disappointing. You’re eying one of those big articulated scarecrow masks when Eddie comes bounding up to you with a clutch of cellophane in his hands.

“I figured it out.” Is all he says before practically skipping back the way he came, right into the latex and spirit gum section.

“Ed I don’t want to do a whole thing, especially if I can’t wear it at work.”

“No this is easy shit, it goes on like a temporary tattoo.” He holds one of the thin packs up against your face before shaking his head and tossing it back on a hook. Another one he’s been clutching skims your cheek and his eyes light up. “No this is perfect.”

“You gonna let me in on this little secret?” You crane your neck to see what he has. “Is that a pentagram?”

“Do you still have that cheer skirt?”

You think you might know what he’s getting at. “The black and red one?”

He nods his head and picks up a packet of ‘fresh’ colored blood.

“Yeah.” And with that he’s off down the aisle again, beelining for the color coded tailgating section.

“If they have them in stock—hell yeah.” He holds up a red and a black pompom. “Cookin’ with fire now.” His grin is infectious.

“You know I don’t have any costume contacts, right?”

Eddie’s ‘pshh’ is so self assured. “With this it won’t matter.” He points at the pentagram transfer. “See? I told you I’d figure it out.”

In the small bathroom at work you feel only slightly ridiculous.

It’d been a few Halloween’s ago that you’d worn this skirt and now it’s a little more snug, sits a little higher on your thigh and hugs your stomach a little tighter. The cropped tee doesn’t leave much to the imagination and the thigh highs feel a little like overkill.

It’s cute, objectively. You know it but you still spend a little too much time staring at the back of yourself as best you can, making sure your whole ass isn’t out on display. A soft knock on the door reminds you of your faithful coworker waiting on you to finish up so they can run off to their own plans.

“Sorry, one sec!” You shove your work clothes into your tote bag and give yourself one last hard stare. “You’re gonna be fine.” You say with some finality to your reflection, black press on nail tapping on the glass.

Outside Eddie sits in his truck, idling next to your car and you take your sweet time strolling over to him. His eyes glint in his side view while the rest of his face stays obscured and you wonder just what costume he’s put on, right until you catch the tilt of his head and you see what sits there. Your pace quickens and you have to hold the hem of your skirt down when you all but run across the parking lot, stopping at his open window to stare at him wildly.

“Oh no, you did not.”

He most certainly did.

The cigarette clenched between his fangs glows in the dark cab, shimmering lips pulling into a smile around the filter. “Do what?” He asks like he has no idea what’s on his body. The run of chains around his neck clink and catch the light of the street lamps. From under his curls the tips of pointed prosthetics peak out, gold rings pierced through the latex. The matte red body paint lays in a thin layer on his face and just barely down his neck, his chest on full display under his barely buttoned black shirt.

“Not the Bard.” His hands glint with more rings than normal, jeweled gold he’d picked up at last year’s Ren Faire. You catch the black claws stuck to his nails and he laughs at your shocked expression.

“What’s wrong with my Bard?”

You gesture wildly at his whole being and you haven’t even started to look up at the horns on his head. Long red ones that curl against his crown, gold chains dripping off the curves. Painted bands shimmer just like the gold on his lips and you almost open your mouth to cancel your plans.

Eddie clicks his tongue at you like he’s read your mind. “Hop in quick, it’s like a 45 minute drive.”

You huff, hands still anchored on the window while you gawk at him. His make up is perfect, his clothes thrown on too easily. There’s a smokey scent that lingers, something not from his cigarette, and you wonder if he got into your perfume oils; Incense and wood fire swirling around him. He taps your knuckles to get them off his door and when you go to walk around the bed of the truck he just whistles at you, nodding his head towards the hood.

“No no, give me a little preview.”

You almost don’t give in. The doubt is trying its hardest to claw up your back but you ignore it and let the headlights cast your shadow on the building. Eddie’s delighted laughter rolls from his open window and when you get into the truck his hand finds the exposed swath of thigh above the socks.

“Told you it’d come together.” A firm squeeze and a straying pinky when you twist around to set your bag in the backseat, the soft pads of his fingers grazing higher under the hem of your skirt.

“You like it?” You sound a little unsure, like he wasn’t the one to lay the outfit out for you to give your seal of approval. It isn’t like you need his constant validation but it feels nice to let him ogle you every once in a while.

“If I didn’t have promises to keep I’d be taking you straight home.” He leans in toward you, careful of all his pieces and face paint, lips close but just out of reach.

“The quicker we get out there, the quicker we can get home.” You try to bridge the distance but Eddie pulls back, another sharp grin aimed at you.

“You should finish your makeup before we get there.” He taps the glove box before leaning back into his seat. “I saved you something for the ride over.”

He keeps his hand in place the whole way to Steve’s. Even when you pull out the joint he rolled for you, in the fun striped papers you’d shown him weeks ago. You relax and try to get your eyeliner done first before you’re too high to care and when you’ve finally put your bag away Eddie becomes your sole focus.

His hand might stay firmly planted but yours don’t. It starts off easy enough, plucking at his necklaces and pendants, letting them fall back on each other and clink. A twist of a ring on his free hand and pulling at the bracelet warmed by his wrist. You run a light finger along his pointed ear and you don’t miss the slight shiver that runs down his neck.

His neck.

You drop that hand and trail the tip of your fake nail over his skin to pull up goosebumps, carefully avoiding smudging any paint. He lets you drop a peck or two but he’s serious about not messing up his makeup, “at least not yet.”

Since you’ve been denied a treat, you pull lightly at his collar so you can nibble on his shoulder. Fingers trailing down the wide open valley of buttons, your other hand dancing across his lap to scratch at the seam of his jeans.

“You’re terrible.” He admonishes you but it’s all for show, if he was serious about you taking your hands off him he wouldn’t have grinned at you like that.

Halfway out of your seat and draped over the center console is how you spend the last half of your drive, an earring between your teeth while you distract him just enough to swerve a few times.

The lake house emerges along the horizon suddenly, almost like you’d been distracted by the button on Eddie’s jeans. The gravel crunches under the tires down the long drive and orange, green and purple string lights help direct you to the actual house.

Steve’s family’s lake house is a mimic of a rustic cabin, one big peaked roof and a massive back deck that wraps around the side. It looks like someone pulled a giant A-frame directly up out of the ground, Halloween decor and all. You stare up at it surrounded by trees, the big windows flashing intermittently with light, music thumping dully out into the sleeping nature.

“Whoa.” Actually you loose all focus of what’s in Eddie’s pants as you finally grasp the size of the property and the crowd outside.

“See? Could have missed all this if we’d just gone home.” Eddie parks and unbuckles himself so he can twist around carefully for the bag in the back. “Now sit still, I gotta put your pentagram on.”

That pulls your attention back to him, especially when he sets a water bottle down first. He peels the transfer apart and you watch him silently, lulled by a full work day and the haze of weed. He’s right, it does go on like a temporary tattoo and when a drip of water falls between your breast you giggle.

“Making a mess already?” You hold the edges of your cut up collar away so you don’t get it stuck and Eddie just shakes his head.

“Are you gonna be like this all night?”

“Do you want me to be?”

Eddie’s hand is flat against your chest to hold the prosthetic in place so you know he feels the uptick of your heartbeat. It’s close and cozy in this cab, close enough that you can see the corner of his mouth twitch and the crinkle of his light crows feet. His eyes drop from your chest to your cleavage and you lean in a little more, push your arms in a little tighter.

“Can I have a kiss?” Whispered just between you two. “Since I’ve been so good tonight.”

He hums, lips pursed, and checks on your pentagram instead. The paper lifts and his hand moves away and you follow him, lips leading to the golden shimmer you’ve been eyeing. It’s quick but it’s what you wanted, just a little more of his attention on you.

He huffs when you pull away. “See this is why I wanted to wait.” His thumb rubs against your chin and he pulls it back to show you the smear of red. “Now you’re marked.”

You think if you can crawl into his lap right now he might abandon this deal tonight. He looks at you from under hooded eyes, eyes that linger on your bare skin. There’s a moment when he takes a deep breath you think you can maybe break him with a well placed purr of his name but—

“Eddie!” The rap of knuckles on the window makes you jump and with it the spell breaks. Robin is waving at the two of you, grinning wide and unknowing of what she’s done. “You guys look great!” Her voice is muffled by the glass so Eddie opens the door and starts his personality up for the show.

You figure out that Robin has gone as Weird Barbie and you love it, especially because she’s obviously a few Malibu and Pineapple’s deep and she keeps you slung close while she directs you and Eddie around.

“Jon and Nance are Beetlejuice and Lydia.” She points in a vague direction of the house where you see neither of them. “Lucas and Max couldn’t make it because they’re doing the ‘parent thing’ obviously.” Her air quotes almost make her spill her drink and Eddie takes it from her with a sigh.

“It’s not even midnight yet, Rob.”

“Hush! I don’t actually know what the hell Dustin is, I think it’s a chemical compound.” She says out of the side of her mouth, gesturing at Eddie to give her a sip from her solo cup. “Will is an amazing Orville Peck, he made his own mask! The fringe is so long!”

You laugh at her pointing at meaningless areas, no one being where she thinks they are.

“And where’s our host?” Eddie asks, scanning the heads outside.

“Oh he’s been so lame. You know, he slapped a name tag on an hour before the party and called it his costume?” Robin looks so disappointed. “I offered to make him a Ken three months ago and he acted like I’d insulted him.”

“Well what’s he wearing? I’d rather him not blow up my phone.”

“Black hat, backwards like an asshole. Red sweater.” Robin drops you off at the doorway into the cabin and snatches her drink back from Eddie. “Name tag says ‘God’.” She leaves you with a heavy eye roll before slipping into the masses.

A quick schmooze around the open downstairs and you’re finally left to your own devices, drink secured in your hand.

“Now don’t go running off without me, okay?” Eddie puts a stern finger in your face and you snap your jaws at it. He ignores you. “I’m serious, meet me up in the loft.” He points the same finger upwards and you nod wordlessly. “Hopefully this shouldn’t take too long and we can go hang out on the dock.”

You frown. “It’s kind of cold out.”

“Oh no.” Eddie waves his hands at you, feigning being distraught. “I guess we’ll have to cuddle, oh no!”

You flip him off as he walks away and he blows you a kiss and immediately you begin timing him to see how long it will actually take him.

You don’t recognize anyone here. Maybe a few people from Stacy’s, some of the line cooks and waitstaff, but no one you can start a conversation with that wouldn’t end up feeling awkward. There’s the obvious close friends of Eddie’s but even they aren’t as known to you and even so, you’ve spotted them chatting with other people already. You sip on your drink and you sigh and resign yourself to waiting it out.

Leaning on the bannister of the loft you look down and spot Eddie animatedly telling someone something, his jewelry sparkling in the flashing lights. His voice carries sometimes, even in a party like this and you watch him with amusement. It doesn’t take long to loose him though and you pull your phone out to distract you, just before a flash of maroon catches your eye and you turn to find Steve looking surprised with two cups in his hands.

“I was trying to sneak up on you, how did you know?”

“I bet you’re one of those guys who doesn’t say ‘behind’ at work, aren’t you?”

“Oh no, I learned my lesson there.” He sets the drinks on the bannister and pulls up his sleeve to show you a silvery scar near his elbow. “That’s where I took a parring knife around a corner, I don’t fuck around in there anymore.” He laughs.

“Was it Eddie?” You ask like you already know the answer but Steve shakes his head hard.

“No, some other dude but Ed did yell at him for walking around with a knife held out in front of him. ‘What are you trying to do, shiv him?’” He puts on a face that you correctly guess is an imitation of an angry Eddie.

“Aw, did he look out for you?” You reach out and pinch Steve’s cheek and he swats you away, his ears flushing a bright red.

“Speaking of, where is he? He has my weed.”

“I don’t know, I lost him in the masses.” You gesture at the crowd below just as the music and lights change, making it darker and harder to make out a detail.

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed. My high is wearing off and there are too many people I don’t know here.” You finish off your drink and Steve is holding up one of his cups to replace it. You raise an eyebrow in question and he just swings it at you so you’ll take it.

“I saw you up here, thought I’d bring you a drink. Didn’t know how long you’d been here.”

Something about his expensive smile always makes you want to giggle. You know that he’s aware of his charms but even then you can’t help how easy he makes it. The flattery is always there, especially if Eddie is around, and if you didn’t know any better you might have the sneaking suspicion he was flirting.

“All by my lonesome?” You shake your new drink at him and he rolls his eyes.

“Not like that, I brought two in case Ed was up here.”

He’s always flirting actually, you think it might just be an integral cog of his makeup at this point. You’ve seen the way it slips into the most innocuous conversations with Eddie, though he’s always trying to banter.

You drop the sly accusatory look and shrug. “Good luck. I was told to stay put till he came back.”

“Or, and hear me out, we could go find him together.” He says it like it’s the best idea he’s ever had and honestly? You look around at the sparsely populated loft and check the time on your phone, noticing you’ve already wasted half an hour doing nothing.

“I’m in.”

An hour of wandering and you haven’t run into Eddie again. He didn’t ditch you, far from it. You know your blood covered boobs and incredibly short skirt wouldn’t leave his mind but you do know he how he loves to talk. Someone must have gotten him on a kick and he’s been passed around through groups, his storytelling making bursts of laughter float up from different corners of the party.

“Did he really tell you stay upstairs?” Steve asks, shouldering through a group with a short wave.

“Yeah, but he looses track of time at parties. You know how he is.” You’re a few drinks deep now so any annoyance has burned off, especially since Steve has been nice enough to walk around with you. The view from behind while you followed wasn’t bad either. It makes you smirk and you hide that in your drink, your wandering gaze following his long legs.

One more inside lap before you both stop at the kitchen island covered in bottles to top up and Steve finally calls it.

“Wanna go sit outside?” He nods his head towards the back deck. “Quieter.” He heads for the wall of windows where people filter out to sit by the water. You weren’t kidding earlier when you said it was chilly and you really hadn’t thought to bring a sweater with you for some reason. Steve notices you hesitate though and seemingly understands. On his way to the door he lifts the seat of a bench up and pulls out a blanket.

Water laps at the deck softly and the chatter dies down finally, the music a distant thump and you feel a little sober taking in the fresh air. Steve holds up the corners of the blanket for you and when you don’t immediately move in he shakes it at you.

“I’m not gonna bite.”

“Aw, really?” It slips out before you can catch it. To Steve’s credit he takes it in stride, barely breaking a grin when you finally snatch the blanket from him. He digs around in his front pocket for a moment and pulls out a crumpled pack of Marlboros. There’s one already tucked behind his ear and you’re about to remind him when he holds up a slim joint.

“I know this is a sad offering, but you want?”

As if on cue there’s a peal of laughter followed by a big splash and you step closer to Steve on the dock to get away from the rippling water. “Jesus, please.”

He eyebrows twitch up and he points lazily at the name tag. “Actually it’s God, but same-same.”

He pulls two Adirondack chairs together and you slide back into one remembering to keep your knees together so you don’t accidentally flash Steve. He holds the joint out to you with his lighter and you gasp theatrically.

“And a gentleman at that!”

It takes a few strikes to get the beat up bic to light and you can feel Steve staring. At first you think he’s judging your lack of finesse but when you go to hand him his lighter his eyes snap up from your legs, a tight smile flashed at you before he holds his hand out to take the joint back. He keeps the conversation light, he tells you about what this lake house used to look like and how much his parents sunk into it to remodel it. He makes small talk seem fun when he frosts his words in charm and you remember the last night he’d been particularly plucky with you.

“I.D.?”

“Steve it’s me.”

“Can’t trust it, gotta see I.D.” He shrugs and holds out his hand and gestures at you when you don’t make a move for your wallet. There’s not even a hint of a smile on his face and you wonder if maybe he’d gotten in trouble for giving you so many free extra pours.

“Okay, okay fine here.” Behind you Eddie is deep in conversation with Jeff about switching a shift and hasn’t noticed the third degree yet. When you finally get the plastic slipped out of your wallet Steve snatches it and leans back with it held up close to his face. He studies it like he’s never seen you or an I.D. before and he keeps flicking his eyes back and forth between it and your face.

A nervous grin breaks out of you when the situation isn’t changing. “Steve? Did I do-“

“There it is.”

“What?” You laugh through your confusion.

“I just needed to see that smile.” Steve hands your card back and slides your drink across the counter with an easy grin.

The high is returning and with it the questions that slip easily from your brain and straight out of your mouth. “Can I ask you something?”

It takes Steve a moment to tear his eyes away from the surface of the lake where it reflects the string lights. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Remember a few weeks ago when you did the thing with my I.D.?”

His eyebrows scrunch together hard when he tries to piece together what you’re saying. “Your I.D.? Did I loose it?”

You flap your hand at him to try to get him to remember. “No no, the smile thing.”

“Oh!” It dawns on him, his glassy eyes widening. “You like that? That’s one of my better ones.” He seems proud of himself for a pick up line.

“Were you just trying to piss Eddie off or do you just flirt with everyone?”

“Honestly?” Steve scratches his chin lightly, staring back off into the lake’s glassy surface. “I really like messing with Ed. He trusts you so I like to push his buttons.” He shrugs. “Also I do flirt with a lot of people, it gets me good tips.” His laugh makes his eyes crinkle and it makes you think of Eddie.

You take a break to find the bathroom, and to scan for your boyfriend, and when you come up without him you grab two beers from the massive cooler and head back outside. Steve seems a little more alert than when you left him and he points to a space under the deck where two people are cloaked in shadow.

“See that?”

You lean your hip into Steve’s shoulder to balance yourself as you squint, two things becoming harder to do especially together. It isn’t until a wig gets tugged off and both of you gasp, finally realizing that Robin has found a different Barbie. She tugs at Robin, hauling her towards the boathouse and Steve starts laughing.

“Should we help her or…?”

“Nah, she’ll find me in the morning.” Steve sighs and runs his hand up the back of your thigh.

Hm?

You run that feeling through your cotton stuffed brain again. The back of your thigh, the part that is so very bare and just under the hem of your skirt is hot, skin sticky where a palm sits now. It’s wide and a little rough and his fingers give a quick squeeze to the fat there and then proceeds to sit still. You move slowly, your head dropping down to stare at Steve’s easy posture.

“Steven?” You ask slowly.

“Hmm?” He looks up at you with not even a twinkle in his eye. If he were to move his thumb just the slightest bit up he’d be grazing the cuff of your ass and you wonder if he can even feel the sudden heat rolling off you.

“What’s that you got there?” You don’t break eye contact with him.

“Something soft.”

The giggle escapes before you realize it and something in Steve’s features shifts into what looks like pride. You don’t forget where you are so much as you take the bait and turn towards him, leaning down so you’re close to his face and can see the light dusting of freckles on the bridge of his nose.

“I think,” you whisper and cast an exaggerated look around, “you’re tying to get a rise out of someone.”

“Oh?” His cheeks flush, just a tinge of pink that catches your eye.

Steve’s head goes back with a tug of his backwards cap.

“Harrington.” Eddie makes his grand reappearance, seemingly stepping from the shadows to stare down at Steve who stares up in dumbstruck awe.

You’d noticed horns approaching when you’d leaned down and maybe it was the combination of liquor and weed but something bold had taken over, especially when you knew you had Eddie coming to swoop in.

“Finally finished your rounds? I’ve been waiting.” Steve asks your boyfriend, who keeps the bill of the baseball hat between his knuckles.

“You finally finished feeling up my girl? I’m waiting.”

You don’t expect that, the warmth in his tone. The little chuckle, the joking grin. Something about Eddie taking this on the chin makes you pay attention.

“Oh what’s a thigh between friends, huh?”

You can hear the edge in Steve’s voice now, the push to Eddie’s pull. That palm stays firmly planted on you while the two men stare at each other. It’s like they’re speaking in silent code, cats flicking their ears to get their point across. Eddie seems to give in first with a small shrug, letting go of Steve’s hat though his head remains lolled back to stare at the red demon above him.

“Is this imposter bothering you?” Eddie gestures at the peeling name tag stuck to Steve’s sweater and you think about it, honestly.

Where you are right now, is it bothering you?

The hand cradling the back of your thigh, is that bothering you?

The way Eddie seems to be reading your mind, his eyes bouncing between your own and the smile you just realized is warming up your face, does that bother you?

“No.”

This feels like earlier in the night. A heavy hand anchoring you to the moment. A little buzz from your warm high. You’re listening to Eddie smooth talk Steve but all you want is something tactile. Eddie crouches down so he’s eye level with Steve and they lean into each other to conspire, you’d know that look on his face anywhere. It’s one he’s shot you over countless drinks and through crowds and at dinner with friends. He’s got his mind set on something.

He’s too far away though for you to absently run your fingers through his hair so you grab the next best thing. The fringe sticking out from under Steve’s hat is so soft when you rub it between your fingers. Little flips of sun bleached brunette that curl up under the brim and around your finger, twirling between your press ons.

“How is your hair so soft?”

Eddie tilts his head just as Steve slowly turns to look at you with a confused smile. “I spend a lot of money on conditioner.”

“What’s it made of, spun silk?” You drag your nails up the back of his head and he shivers.

Eddie looks downright gleeful. “I told you.”

“Told him what?” Distracted by Steve letting his head fall into your palm you miss Eddie shooting his friend a look.

“How are you feeling?” Eddie asks suddenly. “You still wanna head out?”

“No.” You scratch Steve’s scalp and watch him melt down into the lounge chair. “This is fun.” His hand finally sides down to wrap around your thigh, holding you against him.

“Well Steve has told me something very interesting.”

“What’s that?”

“He’s got a little surprise I think you might enjoy.”

“Oh?” You grab a handful of hair and give Steve a light tug. “Did you bring me a gift?”

“It’s for all of us, actually.”

2 am and the party continues outside the heavy door to Steve’s bedroom. No one blinks an eye when you pull Eddie through the doorway minutes after Steve disappears in there. Not even a knock when Eddie kicks it closed and spins you around to face him.

“You sure about this?” He asks quietly, walking you backwards into the room.

“Absolutely.” You grin, nodding at him.

“Positive?” He holds your gaze to make sure you know he’s serious. Your hands clamp around his face and you pull him in close.

“Yes Eddie.”

Steve’s solid chest bumps into your back, the sweetness of his cologne bursting around you.

“You got it?” Eddie looks past you to ask Steve.

Steve huffs. “Yeah I got it.” He moves around behind you, digging something out of his pocket and his knuckles drag over your ass before his hand appears around you with a little twisted bag between his fingers. “You wanna do the honors?”

“Oh please, it’s your party.” Eddie plays with the hem of your skirt but he watches Steve untwist the bag. Eddie gives you a peck when he catches you trying to turn your head, pulls at your hips to make you face Steve and that self assured grin is present when Eddie holds you still.

“You ever done this before?” Steve asks when he holds up the baggie, eyes dropping to your lips.

“Uh, once. Didn’t really like it.” You watch him work while Eddie stands behind you and runs his hands right up under your skirt. He laughs into your neck and his breath slides under the ripped up collar of your t-shirt. “I don’t think I was with the right people.” You stare at Steve while he dips his index finger into the powder.

“You’ve never done this together?”

“Nope.” Eddie answers for you, his face peeking into your periphery. “Strictly a weed and liquor household, like god intended.” His laugh sends a zap through you, slowed and tingly against your current high. “Isn’t that right baby?” His hand sneaks up under your jaw where his fingers press into your cheeks making your lips purse and part slightly. When Steve’s fingertip grazes your bottom lip you open wider and both men laugh.

“Eager.” Steve says before his finger pushes past your lips and rubs down the side of your gums. The taste is an immediate bitter tang followed by the salt of his skin and you grunt quietly, closing your lips around him. “You’re telling me she’s not a natural at this?” Steve looks past you to Eddie, ignoring you tonguing his finger.

“Not with coke, but she’s real good with things in her mouth, aren’t you?” Eddie’s hand runs down the front of your throat and you hum in agreement. Steve’s finger pops out of your mouth and dips back into the powder, swirling around while he watches from half lidded eyes Eddie kissing along the back of your neck.

“One more.” He promises with a smile and when his finger dips into your mouth again you start to feel the tingle along your gums, something that dances up along your cheeks and zips through your hairline. It fights against the sluggish feeling of the weed and lights up a part of your brain that was trying its best to stay focused through the liquor. Steve is eyeing Eddie while the latter pushes up your shirt, an exchange again made through glances. Steve barely gets his finger out before his mouth is on you, his tongue pushing past your lips to chase your new high.

He’s so warm everywhere. His lips against yours and his chest pressing in and his hands that go right for your jaw those long fingers in the strands at the nape of your neck that give you a shiver up your spine and Eddie must feel those goosebumps when they sprout, they appear so fast and right under his lips and—

“Hey,” Eddie says, turning your head to the side “take a breath.” He breaks your kiss and you whine at the missing warmth of Steve’s soft mouth. “Yeah I know.” He soothes, running a thumb down your cheek. “You still gotta breathe.”

You roll your eyes and take a deep, dramatic breath to show him you still can. Beside you Steve sniffs off the back of his hand before he attaches himself to the side of your neck. His tongue trails over your pulse and Eddie holds your gaze and your chin before he leans in to kiss you.

The coke makes you less hazy, takes the soft edge of the weed and brings it into focus. The feel of Steve’s lips moving up your neck and Eddie’s fingers around your chin. His tongue in your mouth and his other hand slowly tugging up your skirt and Steve’s big palms running up your sides. You can hear the thump of the music outside that feels like it’s trying to keep up with your heartbeat.

There’s a hand pulling at your shirt, pulling it over your head and a hand running up the side of your neck and you hold onto the front of their shirts. You have the distinct feeling of floating while you get pulled and pushed and somewhere in the flurry of caresses you whine into Eddie’s kiss.

A break of lips on your skin and Steve’s shirt hits the floor and then your skirt is getting pushed down to meet them. The strappy set you’d picked out last minute, with all its crisscrossing bands over your hips and across your chest, form a rude arrow between your tits to guide their eyes.

Eddie stares and runs a fingertip under one of the bands to snap it. “Special occasion?”

You don’t answer him, too busy trying to get at his buttons to get his shirt off too. Those tattoos sing at you to be seen and you want to see the starkness of Eddie against Steve’s sun kissed shoulders.

Behind you Steve slides a hand up over your bra and the other down your spine, his lips on the back of your neck. It takes you a second to realize he’s trying to get you to the bed but Eddie notices and changes his stance. He knows how to move you around when he wants and he grabs you around the ribs to give you a push. It’s like all your other games now especially when Eddie starts to follow you back as you shimmy towards the pillows.

The clink of a belt buckle reminds you that Steve is still here. He holds out the baggie to Eddie. “Before you loose track.”

You notice it then, the lack of inebriation in Eddie. Sure he’d been a little toasted from the drive but while he made his rounds it seems like you and Steve were the only ones drinking.

“Actually, come here.” Eddie takes the coke but stops crawling toward you, instead sitting up on his knees and motioning for Steve. “Let me try something.”

Steve can’t get out of his jeans fast enough. He almost trips in his eagerness and Eddie uses it to his advantage. Steve’s flipped on his back with a laugh and all you can do is watch, fascinated with whatever Eddie has planned.

“Do you remember that time we all came up to see you play in college? Like all of us, I think it was the game you tore your shoulder.” Eddie looks down at Steve getting comfortable and throwing his arms out to the side. “That party the night before? What was that girls name?”

“Becca.” Steve says, shifting his gaze to look at you. “Stupid college fling.”

You nod wordlessly and start trying to unhook your bra without moving much. Eddie laughs and holds the baggie open so he can dip his finger in.

“Ah, Becca. She broke up with you the night before a championship game dude. That was cold.” Eddie acts like he’s swirling candy through sugar the way he twirls his finger around but the way you and Steve watch him it might as well be. “Remember how like, no one could find you in the morning? They thought you had gone off and drank yourself stupid over a girl, but where were you again?”

Steve just laughs but you want to know, you want to be in on the joke. Like most times it feels like Eddie hears your thoughts and he turns those big eyes full of mirth to you.

“He was actually passed out in the back of my van, naked.” Eddie gestures at Steve wearing only his boxers and smiling up at him. “This kind of reminded me of that.”

Eddie hovers over Steve, finger ghosting over his lips. “Open.” Steve’s grin splits and Eddie’s claw disappears behind white teeth. Dark ringed eyes flick up to find you where you’ve gone still against the pillows. He looks unbelievably wicked in this room, the gold shimmer on his lips barely mused from kissing you. He must have tossed the small fangs earlier but his mouth still poises danger while Steve sucks on his finger.

You finally find the momentum to drive off the pillows and over to the two of them just as Eddie follows his finger in with his lips. Steve lets a soft moan escape before Eddie covers his mouth with his own, gold staining pink.

You drop your shoulders mid crawl to stretch your hand into Steve’s hair again. You run it through the roots while you stare at them kissing, Steve groaning in the back of his throat when you pull.

“Like that?” You whisper so you don’t break their spell and Steve nods as he looks for something to hang on to. His fingers catch on your bicep and in Eddie’s hair and he’s anchored, hips rolling up into nothing while you tug on the crown of his head.

There’s a little bit of time that seems to slip away from you. One moment you’re watching Eddie take Steve apart and the next he’s moved you again, his arm slung around your middle to pull you flush against his chest, your underwear clutched in his fist, your thoughts soft

Steve watches Eddie’s tattooed hand slide gently around the front of your neck and he knows he’s in trouble. It’s both of you really, not just Eddie, driving him insane. He tilts your head back onto his shoulder and smiles down at you with what Steve thinks is pure adoration. When Eddie shifts his attention to Steve there’s a swooping low in his abdomen at the thought of being let in on whatever this is.

“Wanna help me out?” Eddie tilts his head toward you and that’s when Steve realizes that both you and him are fully naked. Clothes shed in the fast moments between kisses and yet Eddie still has his jeans on. Steve could break out his machismo here, could challenge this and let it be over quick and fast and typical or he could let the reigns go for a night. He thinks about letting himself not be in charge as Eddie moves above him while nudging you forward, knees straddling his hips and before he knows it he’s almost fucking you.

“That feel good baby?” Eddie’s teeth glint in the low light when he bites lightly at your cheek and leaves another mark of red and gold. You laugh breathily and nod your head, pushing your hips down just a little and the head of Steve’s cock pushes in. Both of you gasp and Steve thinks he feels a tear escape. The immediate wet surrounding him and the little display Eddie is putting on above him goes right to his balls and for a moment he thinks he won’t last past this. Eddie’s other hand trails down your stomach, fingers seeking further and further until they reach your bush and the gold rings distract Steve for just a second before they sink into your folds.

You crumple and slide down his cock further and Steve is trying to be respectful, as respectful as he can be, but he’s testing his own limits. A swift buck of his hips and he’d be home.

“I think you should give Steve a break, he looks like he’s loosing brain cells.” Eddie keeps you pressed to him, head lolled back and mouth open and panting, hips searching out his teasing fingers on your clit. “C’mon, give it up for Stevie.” He fake pouts at you and then turns it on Steve.

“Fuck you Ed-“ He’s cut off by the fall of your hips now seated flush against him. Everything about you is warm and wet and soft and amplified. His hands fist into the sheets beside him in an attempt to keep them to himself for the first time tonight, an attempt that Eddie calls out.

“You can touch her Steve, she isn’t gonna break.” He demonstrates this by digging his fingers in a little around your neck and you squeeze around Steve in response. “You want him to touch you, right?”

“Please.”

“Oh, she’s asking so nicely.”

Steve tries to think back to the first time he ever made a passing comment about you and wishes he could kick himself. He’d gone into this night with one other threesome under his belt, some half met happenstance from ten years ago. It’d been sloppy and messy and he’d bent the two girls around to his will but this? He’s unprepared. Any and all of his personal history with Eddie should have given him some kind of clue, but the two of you really are nothing but a flashing red light of trouble.

Your knees dig into his sides while one hand ghosts over his abdomen, looking for purchase. Eddie still holds you close but keeps his eyes on Steve, a suggestion in his gaze.

“Go ahead.” Eddie purrs and Steve finds himself lost in more than just his high. If he didn’t know any better he’d be convinced of his friend’s true nature, a pest of a demon hellbent on driving Steve certifiably insane. However he finds his hands running hot over your thighs and up your sides, over your stomach and under the swell of your breast. Anywhere he can run his hands over the soft skin you’d kept barely hidden all night, skin that he’d been staring at.

Eddie chuckles when Steve finds a nipple, a fierce pinch to it making you gasp and roll your hips and Steve can’t help himself anymore. He grips and thrusts up to punch a sharp moan out of you. Eddie’s fingers stay buried in your cunt and splayed across your throat to keep you pinned to his chest. Steve’s immediate fast pace makes you bounce and he’s transfixed when Eddie sneaks a finger into your hanging mouth to hold your jaw open.

“You should hear her.” He drops a kiss to the corner of your mouth before letting go, lowering you to lay on Steve’s chest. A whine comes from you, a deep sound that pitches up when Steve shifts to hold you in place. He already sits so deep but when he winds his arm around your neck to hold you close you gasp. You can feel Eddie move on the bed, can feel his hand run over your ass, can feel the brush of his suddenly freed cock along your inner thigh. Steve adjust you so your cheek is flat against him and pulls at your hip to spread you open for Eddie.

“Fuck now isn’t that a pretty sight?” His thumb is rough against such sensitive skin when he glides it around your cunt. You try to move your hips as much as you can but the angle you’re at only affords you short rolls of your hips.

“Oh you can do better than that for Steve, can’t you?” Eddie teases and you whine into Steve’s chest.

“He’s being mean isn’t he?” Steve whispers to you. They both laugh at your groan but Steve shushes you, palm rubbing over the back of your neck where he holds you down. “I’ll be the nice one then, huh?”

Struck dumb by the feeling of Eddie pushing forward ever so slightly, all you can do is nod. He tilts your chin up to hold your gaze, his pupils blown out wide and dark and you wonder if yours look just as big.

“Can I—“ Cut off by the feeling of something cold dripping on your ass you almost sit up out of Steve’s grip before Eddie giggles a quiet apology and tosses a little bottle of lube over the side of the bed.

“What do you want?”

“Coke.” The zing is fading and you want to feel it again. The race of goosebumps across your bared flesh. The tingle over your scalp as Steve’s finger glides along your teeth.

Eddie laughs and reaches over to grab the bag and hand it to Steve, tasking him with your request. Still held in place, Steve brings his finger, wet now and dipped in white again, back to your mouth. His finger rubs your gums again and the head of his cock nudging deep and the feel of Eddie’s pressing where Steve already is and you don’t know how much more full you can get. It’s a stretch just with Steve but the insistent pressure from Eddie, the feel of his cockhead popping in makes your breath catch. He’s being careful, just so careful but that need to feel everything and move and moan takes over again and Eddie puts a heavy hand on your back.

“Breathe, baby.”

Instead you whine, held between two solid bodies that keep you still, that stroke your spine and run rough fingers into your hair to keep you from spinning out.

“That’s a pretty sound.” Steve says lowly and out of the corner of your eye you watch him hold his hand up to Eddie who sucks that same finger into his mouth.

The thought is brought to the forefront of your mind quickly, the image so clear and grounding, of Eddie sucking your purple strap. It stops the other spinning thoughts and that initial head rush fades. Against Steve’s chest you mumble about Eddie’s pretty sounds, dazedly watching Steve’s long finger pop out from between those gold lips.

“What was that?” Steve sounds a little breathless.

“Eddie makes pretty sounds too.” The images shuffle in your brain. “When I fuck him he whines and it’s like he’s about to cry or something it’s almost too much.” Behind you Eddie laughs and thrust his hips and you choke on your words, his cock pushing further in and stretching you more. Steve’s laugh turns into a hiss and the hand on your neck clamps down when Eddie’s cock rubs against his.

“Keep talking.” Eddie is breathless but still the only one not blissed out. “You gonna tell him how good I look sucking dick?” He rocks his hips forward gently and ghosts a palm over your lower back. “Steve already knows about that, don’t you big guy?” Eddie teases before leaning over you to catch Steve’s eye. The smear of gold on his bottom lip drives Eddie crazy and the laugh turned stuttered moan when he drives deeper into you makes him wish he had more than just two hands.

“Or maybe Steve can tell you about when I’d drive out for those big parties.”

You like it when Eddie’s gets mouthy. When he starts sparring to get the upper hand. You’re smiling into Steve’s chest with just the barest glimpses of Eddie above you. He rocks in and out of the corner of your vision and under your ear you can hear the rumble of Steve trying his best to keep it together.

“Remember almost getting caught in the frat your freshman year? What a bunch of dumbasses.” Eddie’s laugh has an edge to it now and your chest swells with some kind of pride that he’s finally starting to falter.

“Yeah…b-because you c-couldn’t shut up.” Steve finally speaks, his hips starting to falter the slow rhythm he’d been keeping up. “It’s why we had to mo-ve to the van.”

Eddie’s hand appears when he lays his whole body on you so he can reach for Steve’s hair to give it a tug. The change in angle and Steve’s moans cancel out any quip you were trying to cobble together, a calm instead seeping in as the coil low in your abdomen begins to tighten. Eddie runs his mouth but you can’t pay attention to him with the way him and Steve seem to work in tandem for a blissful moment.

It’s too much and it’s not enough and you pant and whine and scratch at Steve’s chest. There’s no more rhythm then, just the snapping of their hips against you while they race to their own ends. Steve grips you hard before he slams his hips up one last time and stills, a long groan from deep in his chest your only warning before he cums. It’s a chain reaction of Steve going boneless and Eddie cursing behind you, picking up pace and bullying that tender spot enough to make you seize up. It sneaks up on you so fast, makes you loose your breath for a moment. A leg shaking orgasm, your fingers wound tightly enough in Steve��s hair to make him hiss, all you can hear is the guttural groan coming from you and Eddie’s praise. It tumbles out of his mouth with little sense and you know he’s done in when his thumbs rub tight, fast circles on your hip before he stills.

Hearing and speech aren’t really a thing for you yet but you do grunt in appreciation when Steve seems to come to some of his senses and reaches up to pull the stupid horns off of Eddie’s head that’s resting between your shoulder blades.

“Thanks.” Eddie’s breath fans over your sweaty skin and he makes no attempt at moving yet. Someone has fingers in your hair, you can’t tell, and Eddie is rubbing his face against you and giving you little kisses along your shoulder. Steve’s breathing is finally calming down and in turn it makes you even out too, realizing how sticky you are everywhere.

“I hate to break this up,” Your voice is scratchy and small coming from between them, “but I need to go to the bathroom.”

You stumble back into the room, falling down into the bedding and Eddie slithers up from where he was sitting at the foot of the bed to leave a trail of kisses all the way up. He winds himself between your legs and drapes them over his hips and continues to leave kisses up your stomach and over the peeling prosthetic on your chest. He dots your neck and cheeks and all around your mouth before he finally gives you a real kiss. He makes you giggle with his doting and when he tries to put your underwear back on for you but the straps outwit him. Instead he tugs on the sheet beneath you and tucks in around you, leaving your clothes on the floor for later.

“Do you need anything?” He says it quietly, thinking Steve is dozing beside you. “Other than water I mean.”

You’re tired and achey and still high from various things and all you can think to ask for is: “Crackers.”

“In bed?” Eddie gives you an unbelieving look but when you just grin sleepily at him he shrugs. “I won’t kick you out.” He gets up slowly and kicks stuff around on the floor to find his own shirt when the shifting of bed springs grabs his attention. Steve is seemingly trying to sneak out of the bed without saying anything, keeping his back to the two of you while he toes his underwear over to himself.

Eddie waits for some kind for acknowledgement but when it doesn’t come he clears his throat lightly. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He says it like he’s surprised that you and Eddie are still there. “I’m gonna get out of your hair…I gotta make sure no one set anything on fire and like, find Rob…” He looks around for his pants and won’t meet Eddie’s eyes.

“I’m just going to get water, you don’t have to leave. It’s your room anyways.”

“Well I’m not kicking you guys out.”

“Steve.” You don’t mean to admonish him but that’s what happens. With the sheet tucked up around your chest you pull on the slack to show the other side of the bed. “Get back in here.”

He doesn’t move, just sighs deeply and reaches for his cigarettes.

“I’m serious.”

Eddie watches you point at the empty spot with some finality and he almost tells Steve it’s in his best interest to listen to you.

“I just—“

“It’s cold. I’m cold. Get back in the bed.” You slap the pillow. “Please.”

Steve does look at Eddie then with concern and all Eddie can do is chuckle. “I’d get back in there unless you like spit in your iced lattes for the next however long.” He leaves for the promised water and Steve sits on the edge of the bed and acts like you’re making him go to the dentist.

“Hey, if you want to leave you can, I was trying to be funny.”

“I didn’t want to intrude.” Steve sighs and throws himself back onto the pillow. “You guys were having a moment.”

You pull a confused face. “Do I need to remind you what we were just doing?”

“No.” Steve laughs.

“Because I can’t give you graphic detail but I can tell you that I got pretzeled up pretty good.” You reach over to rub a hand over his chest, running your fingers through the dark curls. Eddie sneaks back in and you notice the music isn’t at the level it was when you came in here.

Around the blinds is a light blue border bleeding in and you would really like to bury your head under the covers and keep petting Steve. Eddie makes you drink water though before anyone can get comfortable, even bullies Steve into finishing his. Eddie does his normal and climbs into bed to immediately lay half on your back, his arm flung over to mess with Steve until he relents and tilts his head over so Eddie can twirl a strand around.

Tucked between the two of them you’re almost asleep when you remember something from the heat of it all and you shake with silent laughter.

“What?” Eddie asks and Steve gives you a half awake eyebrow raise.

“You know he’s a tiefling right?”

That wakes Steve up a little. “What?”

“Yeah, his tiefling bard. You called him a demon earlier and it made me laugh.”

Steve sighs and ignores your sleep talk and you try to expound but the heavy, comforting weight of Eddie and Steve’s warm chest under your palm cut you off before you even realize you’ve fallen asleep.

[elliesmainhoe]

PLAYER TWO

Streamer!Ellie X fem!Reader

Summary: Ellie's introduces you to her stream

(Set early in their relationship and when Ellie's channel was still small 💙)

Contents: fluff, swearing/cursing, body shaming a cat lmao, sitting on Ellie's lap, kisses, references to social anxiety.

Part 2 - Part3

My Masterlist

It had been 6 hours since Ellie had disappeared into the abyss you called your guest bedroom and now Ellie's newly turned office. Her rooms grey walls were plastered in posters of a various games and bands she liked. LED lights ran around the ceiling, usually on the blue setting, sending the hue beaming out through the crack underneath the white paneled door.

Your small ginger cat was scratching irritably at her offices door. "Garfield stop it," you hissed at him, giggling at the ridiculous name Ellie chosen out for your chunky British shorthair.

"Garfield, I'm serious" you hushed at the creature, picking up the skittish chonk from Ellie's door. Garfield let out a loud, dramatic 'Yowww' throwing his head back. you sighed "You really want Ellie cuddles right now huh"

"meow"

"yeah, me too..." You looked at the beautifully majestic ginger chunk of a cat and sighed in pity for yourself. "Fine go in then..." You whispered at him, grabbing the brass handle and slowly nudging the wooden door ajar, letting Garfield scutter in enthusiastically, before shutting the door again.

Ellie was caught off guard as a fuzzy orange thing flung itself onto her lap, making her hands stop button smashing her keyboard angrily.

"Oh hey Garf"

User: Omg he's so cute 😭🥲

User1: Give me the baby. Now.

User2: Bro how did he get in here, didn't Ellie shut her door?

User3: Garf? As in garfield?

Ellie's hands grasped the cat turning him in a Simba like fashion towards the camera.

"This is Garfield, if you couldn't tell he has a super power to walk through walls" she joked, obviously realising that her chat was curious about how he got into the enclosed office.

User 4: He's fat

"Do not talk to my child that way." She snapped sarcastically, covering his ears with her palms "he's plump." She corrected before letting out a breathy laugh.

The cat began purring incredibly loudly, now laying across her keyboard vibrating the desk with every exhale of breath.

She picked up her phone discreetly, texting you a quick.

Ells: Gonna have to gaslight my chat into thinking our cat can phase through walls now.

Ells: Oh the things I do for you

You: He was being so annoying thoughhh

Ells: Garf is never annoying, he is perfect in everyway. You're just in denial.

You :🙄

User5: nah but how did it get in

User6: Ghostcat?!?!?

"Yes this is my ghost cat, it seems like he's going to chill with us for a bit.... Aren't you baby~?" she cooes at the purring creature scratching underneath his chin.

Just outside the closed office door, you were pacing back and forth. Shit... Why the fuck did you let the cat in her room, that was the stupidest shit you've ever done. Now everyone was going to know Ellie lived with someone. Then maybe they'll investigate, because some of her fans might be nutjobs. What if they dig something embarrassing up of you?!?

"shit, shit ,shit, shit, idiot, idiot, fucking idiot." Damn you and you're soft heart when it comes to cats.

"Y/N. Just forget it happened, go to bed sleep it off, yeah let's just... Sleep it off..." You mutter to yourself, sulking off to bed in defeat.

•••••

"Hey... Hey baby... Wake upppppp~~" she whines squishing your cheeks with her hand, stirring from your slumber. "Hmm hi Ells..."

At the confirmation you were awake she started peppering your face with kisses. "I made you coffee, I tried to make pancakes but I uh burnt them, so ughh toast?!" She smiles suspiciously giddy.

"oh thank you baby," you murmur back, slowly sitting up, back against the bed's backboard and begining to sip your coffee.

"I don't know how you can stomach that liquid, it tastes like shit."

"It is gross, but I can't physically function without it" you looked over at her, she was showing you puppy eyes. Suspicious.

"What did you do ells...?" You sighed

"Last night I may or may not have accidentally let it slip that uhh, I had a uh girlfriend." She stammered, smiling sheepishly at you " And I was wondering and you can obviously say no!! Like no pressure at all, but I was wondering if you feel ready yet to be introduced by my stream" she rushed out words practically incoherent, and if you didn't know her so we'll you wouldn't have been able to understand.

"you can even bring Garfield with you for emotional support!" She chirped happily.

"I don't know baby... I don't know if they'll like me, all my friends know me for being awkward on camera."

"Listen to me right now. You are the most amazing, beautiful, funny, charismatic and smartest girlfriend, person and mother to our fur baby to ever exist. If they don't absolutely love you then they're blind and have no taste. But they will absolutely love you! Because I love you!" She says enthusiastically, a stupid smile spread on her face as she wraps her arms around you, placing sloppy kisses onto your cheek.

"Pfft" you say, her enthusiasm and happiness seeping from her into yours "okay, I can do that...I think" "You will!!! You'll do amazing!" She squeals "I'm so excited!"

"Gosh, your like a puppy Ells" you chuckle, petting and playing with her hair. She let out a quiet 'hmph' as she nuzzled into your neck happily.

•••••

It was 6:55pm, Ellie had started her stream, the words 'STARTING SOON' sprawled across the monitor, blocking out the view of the viewers, It was unnerving, siting Infront of a camera, and one push of a button hundreds of people would see you. Ellie was sat next to you, swiveling on the dark blue gaming chair absentmindedly.

"y'know baby, you don't have to be so rigid, or quiet, they can't see or hear you yet."

"I can't do it Ells..." You mumbled out. "Hey babe, you absolutely can." she reassured you grabbing your hand, and squeezing it slightly. "How about this. You sit on the couch, out of view with Garfield, and once I've done the intro you can come say hi. Hows that sound?" She asked softly, tucking your hair behind your ear.

Nodding in conformation you shuffled out of view for the camera sitting next to your curled up cat, petting him as he purred loudly, pushing up against your palm. You tapped your phone screen, it lit up revealing the photo of you and Ellie in a photo booth on your first date to an arcade.

Infront of your smiling faces, the time was shown.

06:59:55

06:59:56

06:59:57

06:59:58

06:59:59

07:00:00

"Hey guysssss!"

It took ten minutes for Ellie to finish the introduction, answering questions, thanking donators and talking to moderators.

"Right so, before we start I have a suprise for you guys" she spoke happily, eyes flicking towards you expectantly. You picked up Garfield, your heart immediately slowed and cradled him like a baby in your arms as you entered the frame.

Ellie had moved the extra chair from the frame, trying to keep the suprise as unexpected as she could for her chat. You stood somewhat awkwardly for a second or two saying a quick "hi" to the camera, you looked at Ellie eyes slightly wide with nerves.

She pats her thigh, gesturing you to sit down. "This chat, is my girlfriend"

User7: I ❤️ lesbians

User8: Ugh I'm jealous.

User9: Is Ur gf single?

User10: forget Ellie I want her gf 🤤

Your eyes everted the chat, trying to focus solely on your cat and to not read the comments, when a robotic voice, you recognized as a donators announcement, caught you off guard.

User11 donated $25 'Bro she's so pretty.'

"Oh um thanks *user11*" you hummed. "Told you they would like you" Ellie said, smirking in content.

"shut up."

"never."

---------

Here you go!!! I finally finished it. It's not great but it's done!

Part Two

Streamer!Ellie Headcanons

NOT PROOFREAD

[tennessoui]

I loved that glimpse into the in between times of Obi-WAN’s padawanship, his complete drama-mama-ness, knowing which buttons to press for his master to get what he wants, but not quite knowing how they work or how hard those buttons are being mashed. And Anakin’s ominous ending pronouncement! Thank you!

[in reference to this prompt fill snippet for the throat fic]

Omg yes tho this is a perfect description of obi-wan’s mindset during the intervening times between Melida/daan and his own mission to rescue his master in the fic!!

Like he understands that his master would maybe do anything for him and is weird about him but he also doesn’t know which exact buttons he needs to press to get the reaction he wants so he just ends up smashing some random combo (“I’ll die + you don’t love me + someone else/another alpha will look after me + I choose them over you + I don’t believe you care about me”)

and it like. Drives anakin insane. all the time. Quite literally too probably. Sidious is trying to turn him completely into an uncaring death machine but his padawan is also insinuating that he’s going to cut his hair and go for a romantic walk in the gardens of coruscant with Quinlan fucking Vos. Total evilness has got to wait.

[bad268]

Seven

Breaking News (Part 3)

(Max Verstappen X Reader, Charles Leclerc X Ex! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 1

Requested: Nope (I had an idea, Mr. Krabs)

Chapter warnings: cheating mentioned, sex references, song referenced belongs to Natiale Jane.

Pronouns: They/them

W.C. 1672

Chapter Summary: "Seven" is released during the race week, and Y/n sees Charles for the first time since their split.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

(^Came from 2 pics on Pinterest)

<- Previous Part

It’s been months since I last saw Charles. It was not really a concern for me anymore. He can do whatever he wants, and I can do whatever I want. And what I want is to attend the race in Austin.

It was Wednesday, and we just flew in a couple of hours ago. We settled into our hotel room before Max went into the bathroom to shower before we went to dinner. Once I was dressed in a semi-fancy outfit, I decided to sit on our bed and wait for him to finish up. I had started scrolling through countless comments on my newest single, “Seven,” when Max came out of the restroom. He was wearing a black button-up and jeans, but at least it wasn’t Red Bull merch. 

“What are you looking at?” He asked, coming up to look at the comments from over my shoulder. “Is that the new song?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled lightly, leaning back into him. “They’re loving it so far.”

“Well, of course, they are,” he retorted, standing up and pushing me to lay on my back as he leaned over me. He placed a couple of small kisses around my face before placing a final one on my nose. “You wrote it. Why wouldn't they love it?”

“It was just really different from my normal songs, I don’t know,” I sighed, setting my phone to the side as I wrapped my arms around his neck and played with the ends of his damp hair. “It’s also the second single for the album.”

“You haven’t even finished the album yet,” He shook his head with a laugh. “They’re your fans, liefde (love). They’ll love anything from you.”

“Doesn’t make the release any less daunting, schat (darling),” I whispered, pulling him down to kiss him. We moved in sync before ultimately needing to pull apart for air. “You ready to go?”

“Of course,” He said, lifting himself up before holding his hand out for me to stand beside him. “What kind of food are you feeling?”

~

Thursday is media day, so Max was off doing his own thing. It works because I had a virtual interview anyway, so I was able to hide out in Red Bull hospitality to do the interview in peace. 

“Y/n L/n, your newest song, ‘Seven,’ is smashing the charts,” They started off, “Tell us about the story behind it.”

“Honestly, I think everyone knows the story behind it,” I chuckled. “I wanted to try something new, so I continued the fuel from my last relationship to make this song. I’ve never really done something like this, but I really liked it, and I think the fans do too.”

“They certainly do!” The interviewer reassured. “The story, the beat, everything is just so catchy! It’s an amazing song! What was your favorite part about writing this song?”

“The lyrics were really fun, and I got a little help from my new boyfriend for the melody,” I admitted. The interviewer’s eyes widened as they let out a gasp, and I just smiled wider. “He was actually the one that came up with the chorus beat.”

“Did he write any of the lyrics?” They asked quickly.

“No, he left that to me. He just listened to every draft,” I laughed as I remembered something. “About a month ago, I woke him up at like two in the morning on a race day because I had a dream about the lyrics. He loved it so much, it’s now the chorus. He also was not very happy that I woke him up that day. He had to be on track at like five, and I woke him up just before his alarm.”

“That is gold,” They laughed as well. “We have some fan questions if you don’t mind. One person asks what is your favorite lyric from the song?”

“Not a lyric, but the laugh before the first chorus,” I answered after a second of thinking about it. “While recording the gap between the first verse and chorus was missing something. I tested with more lyrics, but ultimately, the laugh sounded the best.”

“The laugh does make it better,” The interviewer agreed. “Next question, has your ex or his girlfriend reached out, regarding the songs you’ve released recently?”

“No, but there was an article that announced their relationship right after I released ‘Ava’ and she stole lyrics from a fan cover as her original caption,” I remembered. “I was tagged in a fan cover of ‘Ava’ where they portrayed Ava. It was actually amazing, and I loved it! They did an amazing job, and one of the verses was ��if he’s your man, why’s he still in my bed.’ I, personally, find it funny, but everyone likes to paint it like there’s bad blood between us,” I explained, going off on a short tangent. “Sorry, but to answer the main question, no, they have not said anything to me specifically.”

“Do you wish they did? I mean, these two very popular songs of yours are centered around them, so do you wish that they acknowledged them?”

“They did, technically,” I replied. “The fact that they announced their relationship right after I released the song and used a fan cover of my song to jab at me kinda validates that they know about it. Plus, it’s funny that his teammate loved both songs. He’s told me that he blasts them in their garage all the time.”

“Well, that’s all the time we have today,” They wrapped up, satisfied with the answer. “Thank you for your time, and we’ll look forward to the full album.”

“Thank you,” I replied with a smile as I left the call. I let out a sigh as I leaned back in my chair, laying my head back and closing my eyes to rebuild my social battery. 

“What album?” A voice asked from across the room. It was a voice I have not heard for month, causing me to immediately shoot my head up. 

“What do you mean, ‘what album?’ I’m a songwriter, Charles,” I snapped. “Did you forget that’s my job?”

“No, just,” He took a breath, trying to recollect his thoughts. He hesitates for a second as if he didn’t want to say what he was thinking before just spilling, “Is the whole album about the breakup? Are you that caught up on it?”

“I don’t know yet,” I admitted, moving to stand up and approach him. “I haven't written it yet. Might be, the fans seem to love this era. So what if it is? What are you gonna say?”

“This is defamation,” He seethed, coming up to stand chest-to-chest with me. “I could sue you for both songs.”

“I don’t name you in either of them,” I scoffed. “Ava is a basic name. I could mean anyone named Ava, not just your girlfriend. Even in interviews, I won’t answer questions if they mention your names, and my answers are always vague. You have no grounds to sue me for my success. You just want to rain on my parade. I’m climbing in popularity, and you’re not. Admit it.”

“You’re only getting popular because you’re fucking Max,” Charles replied bluntly. Behind him, I could see a door opening, but I couldn't see who it was.

“Oh, please. If anything, I get hate for fucking Max,” I laughed. “At least I’m getting satisfied. With the way you’re acting, I’d say it's been at least a month since you got laid.”

“You’re one to talk,” He tried to start before I cut him off.

“Not like it’s any of my business what you do with your girlfriend,” I said with a sly smile. “On a side note, what are you doing in here? Ferraris aren’t allowed in Red Bull hospitality, last time I checked.”

“Yeah, Charles, you should head back to your own hospitality,” Christian pressed as he was the one to walk through the door with Carlos, Max, and Daniel, who was holding Max back.

“You’ll hear from my lawyer,” Charles spat toward me before turning and walking out the doors. I just rolled my eyes and bit my tongue before I made the situation worse.

“Did I hear an album?” Carlos asks sheepishly.

“I will send a signed copy to my biggest fan once I get it written,” I teased him as Christian and Daniel ushered him out to follow his teammate. Carlos shouted back a thanks before taking off. I shook my head with a small laugh as I walked up to Max who had calmed down since Charles left. “Thank you for mentally killing a man in my honor.”

“Always,” he joked back, “I’d do anything for you. Was he serious about suing?”

“I don’t know, but it’s just going to waste his money cause I worked with my publicist to make sure they couldn’t sue for defamation,” I reassured him, cupping his cheeks and leaning our heads together as he placed his hands at my waist. “Y’know, in case you didn’t know, I love you.”

“I have loved you since we were 18,” He whispered back. My eyes widened as I took in his words.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I gasped out.

“It was before we both thought the same things,” he chuckled. “Your music was taking off, and I was still a rookie. I remember you said that you wanted to wait until you were in a stable place in your career before you started a relationship.”

“I was like 12 when I said that!” I laughed, shocked that he actually remembered that. “Well, if it makes you feel better, I always knew I would end up with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He jokingly took offense as he tightened his hold around my waist.

“I told all of my friends and family I would date you at some point,” I admitted lowly. He immediately began beaming at my confession. “No one believed me, but now…oh, if they saw us now.”

~~~

Next Part ->

~~~~~

© BAD268 2023. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[trashland-llamas]

Howdy

synopsis; 3 separate meet-cutes involving fem! reader + soap, ghost, & gaz

they/them pronouns used for reader; fem reader

f/a/d-favorite alcoholic drink; can switch it out for soda or water if you don't drink

Before He Cheats - Soap

Catches y/n in the act of slashing their ex's tires after finding out their partner was cheating on them with one of the other regulars

'You do realize insurance will most likely cover that if you slash all of 'em right?' Unable to hide his amusement at the 'deer-in-the-headlight' stare they gave him. 'Stop while I'm ahead, got it.'

'Not that it's any of my business but what's the story behind all this?' This being the smashed headlight, and carved leather seats. Smart enough not to sign their work. A discarded Louisville slugger.

'My boyfriend always told me he was watching the game with his buddies, turns out he's been seeing someone on the side.' Noting the shock in their voice, surprised at their ex's audacity. Accent more prominent.

'He's one stupid man, losing someone like you. Name's Soap, in case we meet again.' He didn't know when his next deployment would be, but he hoped the fates would make them cross paths again before then.

'Y/n, if I don't end up in prison first.' Not caring enough at the moment to ask what kind of name is Soap. Especially when the person looked so ruggedly handsome. Y/n started picking up all their stuff, finding a phone number scrawled on the bat.

'Call me when you get a chance jailbird.'

Die A Happy Man - Ghost

Price had tried setting Ghost up on a blind date, being a regular at y/n's shop, he had overheard them moping about how single they were. With their permission, he gave Ghost their number. 'Simon, you deserve love as much as the rest of us. Plus if it weren't for Gaz and Soap, you'd be a literal caveman. Think about it, okay?'

Ghost randomly texts them one night when he gets back from a mission, just wanting someone to talk to. 'Price gave me this number.' is his blunt opening line. 'And who am I speaking to?' Glad he had type it in correctly. 'Simon.'

It's only until a week later of semi-consistent back and forth messages that Simon asks them out. 'I'll pick you up at 7pm, wear something nice.' Breathing out a laugh at their response. 'At least send me a photo so I know who to look for.'

'Charming.' He sent a masked selfie, holding up his driver's license.

Ghost forgets out to breath when y/n's walking out the door to meet him, a red dress hugging all their curves. 'You're gonna catch flies, Simon.' Hearing how his name rolls off y/n's tongue doesn't help.

'You don't look too bad yourself.' y/n compliments Ghost as they buckle up. A navy blue button up with some black jeans. A chain holding dog tags showing from the few buttons left undone at the top.

Simon ends up having a panic attack on their second date when y/n shows up in a little black dress. It turns into a funny story as y/n was scared shitless, not knowing what to do.

Party in the USA - Gaz

'Oh my god, I'm so sorry!' Gaz had barely budged from the force. He appreciated the apology despite how little he cared for the shirt. Opening his shirt to reveal a v-neck shirt underneath. 'No fuss. Can I buy you a replacement drink?'

Nodding, they told him that is was a f/a/d. Buying a shot for himself, he looked y/n up and down. 'I'm guessing you didn't get the memo?' His tone lighthearted, a teasing quality to it. Gaz was referring to how out of place they looked, no name brands in sight. It was rather refreshing if he was honest. 'What gave it away?' 

'Oh, I don't know, maybe the boots. Or the country bumpkin vibes plus the attractive accent.' His response making y/n wonder if it was the liquid courage or if he was always this lofty. 'You think my accent's hot?' Hook, line, and sinker. 'Oh, I think it's divine. Name's Kyle.' Y/n being the forward one now, invited Gaz to the dance floor.

Laughing when Britney Spear's 'If U Seek Amy' played over the speakers, them poorly singing along. Off in their own world that Gaz was the only one privy to see. Unsure if he could call their movements dancing. Not that he was any better as he was glad to have a partner.

Scoring some point in the gentleman category, Gaz offered to drive y/n home, when they were hit with butterflies in their stomach. Grabbing his phone, Gaz watched as they type in their phone number. 'So you can text me that you got home okay.' Unable to deny how his heart softened. 'Awfully kind of you, but I will.' Trying his best to reassure them, not wanting to instill any worry.

'Home safe and in one piece.' Finally seeing their name, whispers to himself, 'y/n, a pretty name for a pretty gal.'

Refuses to call them anything other than 'country bumpkin,' to the point even his colleagues know them as that. 

[sunnychuuya]

FUCK OKAY SO I SCCIDENTALLY DWLETWD THE OG POST I WAS MAKING ITS FINE THO

What is this it makes me think of the recent bsd chapters lmao

So basically I'm in the temple placing the booms

ASH FUCKING DROPPED A VASE THIS KS WHY K HATE YO UTAGHH

I put em all down- now I have to make it out. I don't believe in myself. My heart is speedy

NEIL AND MAPLE FUCKING DIE TOO GUYS I CANT HAVE ONEBOUNCE OF HAPPY

AhhhhHHH STUPID UGLY BOY THAT I LOVD

"I'll finally be with my Todd again" guys this game sucks booo I'm crying.

ASH GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD FINALLY DO SOMETHING, BUT NOOOO YOU CANR DO IT AND NOW THE CULT IS STILL THRIVINF AND THE WORLDS FONNA END.

SAL COULD KILL LITTERALLY EVERYONE IN THS FUCKING APARTMENTS TO TRY TO STOP THE SPREAD

AND YOU CANT KILL A FEW OF YOUR FRIENDS

I KNOW IT FUCKING SUCKS

BUT IS LIKE

IT HAS TO BE DONE GOD DAMNIT

just got the title screen for memories and dreams mmm ourple

Oh what da fuk

guys I'm. A L I T T L E confused to say the least

"Ugh never mind" great to see after murdering his loved ones and getting excuted hea still the same silly man

Why is this SO FUCKING COOL

LARRYS DAD?!

"I stopped nothing. I died for nothing. I... killed... for nothing." Owie ow ow owie ow ow fucking ow

SAL IS THE CHOSEN ONE

UR A WIZAR-

great a shattered soul

Guys pls I'm so eepy and I'm sure sal is too I mean heblitterally died- can u not make me go hunting for sjit

"There used to be a. Door here.. uhm there it is." Dkkdkd

GIZMO BACKSTORY

I think my eyes just started bleeding st the sudden artsyle change what in the mickey mouse fuckery is this

is that a fucking zelda reference is that fucking beedle (I might be delusional)

Purple thingies

I tried the microwave and TV and tried combining them wtf is the code

*cutely turns to google*

Thats painfully obvious.

WOW RHANKS FOR MAKING MY ENTIRE FUCKING SOUL LEAVE MY BODY JESUS CRHIST

Holy shir ig their making up for the lack of jumpscares last chapter H U H

bro idfk what I'm doin.

OH SBIT WHAT THE FYCK

GUYS I DONT LIKE HOROR

Wow trauma 😀 fuck off henry

AH POLYGYONS

ozohh spinnys again RANDOM BUTTON SMASH GO

the noise is skko aggressive I'm gonna cry

TRINGLE

PNCE AGAIN THE SOLUTION IS RANDOM BUTTON MASH UNTIL SOMWTHING HAPPENS

fcyk wait I might actually get it-

Nvm j don't:(

Fuck dude I got no clue

cutely gives up

Ill figure it out tmmrw I swear

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

Im eepy tonight so not a ton

[backwaterheroics]

𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙!

repost, don't reblog!

NAME : rowen

PRONOUNS : she/her/my liege; we is also common i.e. 'we here at strife industries' etc but it's really just for self-reference

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : carrier pigeon maybe? i'm really bad at all kinds of communication tbqh. we can get some walkietalkies tho & i promise i haven't ever forgotten about u /phil collins voice, u'll be in my heart

chatting on tumblr ims is fine & i do have a discord ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ u can even have my whatsapp if u want, but standard messaging & data rates may apply. talk to ur doctor if rowenix is right for u

NAME OF MUSE(s) : this here is my boy kuraudo sutoraifu-waifu but i've written a few other characters here and there; cloud is the only rp blog i have any semblance of presence on atm tho - he is my forevergirl, my homeslice, my big chalupa. for ffvii specifically, i've also written rp for elena and rufus

BEST EXPERIENCE : you! i've met all my best friends through rp which is probably why i'm still even around in the rps

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : i don't like it when ppl say they do not like the chara i am literally writing at that moment. so like, if you don't like cloud, why are you here..... we don't have any money... we've got nothin for ya.... pls smash that unfollow button and do not hit the notification bell....,other than that tho, i don't really care. it's the internet. i've seen 4chan

MUSE PREFERENCES : paris hilton voice; i'll take five more of these little blonde bitches; fr tho i like charas who have issues with the self/who have a man vs self literary conflict kinda thing going on. i also like side-chars who don't have a lot of lore coz then i don't have to start from scratch like with an oc, but i still have freedom in the preassembled sandbox u kno?? i don't have time for a rowenverse

PLOTS OR MEMES : spontaneous stuff is easier for me; plotted stuff can get too detailed and then i freak myself out about it bc of anxiety about quality & expectations. that aside, i'll do either. if we go plotted i'd rather go 'lightly plotted' as in we talk about an idea and then just run with it, with minor course corrections as we go should the plane not take off as expected

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : i personally tend to match length but sometimes the words just gotta come out and your one to three liner will have a 500 word reply. i have no preference from what i receive to what i give. it just is what it is and i'm grateful ur even taking the time to spend it with me

BEST TIME TO WRITE : when something else more important needs to get done. we love executive dysfunction. like right now, i should be finishing up a work project for tomorrow's meeting and yet....

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : our sense of humor is the same, or at least similar... cloud's social awareness is probably better than mine. neither of us talk a lot. is that good enough????

TAGGED BY: vctlan & then everyone i'm following who is still active has already done this i'm pretty sure... so if you haven't been tagged before and u see this, then i'm tagging u ok -- tell me abt u and be my friend

[blackknightax]

Today let's discuss adding a character from Metal Gear! Metal Gear is such a, bizarre, franchise. The story is wild and inconsistent. It's a stealth series, but it'd be easy to convince people it wasn't. That is how crazy it is. It has a rich story and is very difficult to explain it all.

That all being said Metal Gear as a franchise is also rich in characters. In several different ways, from design to story to powers and abilities. As a result, it'd be pretty easy to assume, that it would be hard to pick a character... and yet, only one character ever gets requested to my knowledge. And that is Raiden, who was in Playstation all stars Battle Royale. Much as I, personally, LOVE that game, I want to be more original as Raiden is also my first choice, but I wanna be a little more original like I said. To that end I've chosen...

Psycho Mantis! "I see you've been playing Super Smash Brothers Melee!" Or in this case, Ultimate I guess. I always love psychic abilities on characters. There's always so many possibilities. The only psychic we have right now is Mewtwo, so let's see one that isn't a pokemon, shall we?

For Neutral B he can create waves that deal damage around him like how he can in the game.

For Up B he focuses his power on himself and flies up. Think Rob but you only push the button once.

For Side B He can throw bullets like how he reflects them in the game. If a projectile is close enough to him when he performs this he also throws that projectile. Basically a projectile that is also a reflector.

For Down B he teleports behind the character who attacked him and performs a counter. Since we mentioned PSABR, I'll use it for reference, thing Sly's counter in that game. He does a similar thing when you fight him.

I really like Psycho Mantis as a character and power archetype. I'd probably end up playing him if he got added. Granted, I don't play just one character in a fighting game, I think I play like, 22 characters in Smash....maybe more? Would you guys be interested in learning who I like to play in smash? I'm curious. I ask as if I'm not just talking into the void.

[kstaki]

Wahhh after watching episode 48, felt like had to watch something light a bit. End up watching King-Chan! The episode where they play Fortnite (2 part) with the show country in it. Long post…😅

Although have to say it like mind-blown by the details especially there were a few things even the cast didn’t know.

Sadly only four of them participated, Aoto, Marie (Erica), Yuzuyan (Yuzuki) & So. (I am used to calling them that 😅) Yuzuyan & So were wearing glasses they look so cute wearing them 😆

First video was about N'Kosopa, where they were given the task to climb to the top.

None of had it easy climbing up 😂 So did comment he was more used to keyboard and mouse compare to controller saying he would do better. In the end they did provide him with it.

They took turn to climb up but they spend a lot of time falling 🤣

Yuzuyan’s turn she was first one to finally reach to the next level , they all celebrated the accomplishment thinking the game end & it seem like Yuzuyan had enough because she tried to end the channel 😂 Byebye Chan

Unfortunately there were still many level left to climb & there isn’t a save point 😰 so if you fall you’re starting from back from the start Zero!

Surprising Aoto was most quite while they other were playing while the rest were very noisy especially Yuzuyan 😂 (Part 1 & Part2)

They took a break & explore the other part of N’Kosopa. The detail was amazing even the epic showdown (E39) the bridge was there!

They return back to climbing & in middle Marie was saying like who best (this part not that sure but I think so) So, Marie, Yuzuyan & then Aoto who was in totally disbelief haha he click his tongue(probably annoyed 😅) then he blame he see it & doesn’t get it. (Probably referring to the different mechanism that enable the jump)

Afterward they got Miki-Sensei who was guiding them from the beginning & to show how it done lol but even he was struggling. Then admit he more comfortable keyboard & mouse. Chaos broke 😂 when they heard it since he was supposed to be the expert! Although they keep cheering Sensei on to reach the top which he did 😁 well only part of it there was still tower climb.

So tease Aoto to do the climb but he respond this isn’t the Teppen he seek. (Almost similar to E44) It sound so cool even So compliment him.

So did try the tower climb while in between Aoto was supposed to give his thought on it. I couldn’t really tell what sort of game he say it was like. Though he did say 楽勝でした (It was easy win) Marie immediately turn to stare at him while Yuzuyan just criticize him 😂 (since he was struggling the most ah poor Aoto) So was busy still playing.

Part 2

Shugoddam, they were only inside the castle the throne room. So was using controller and there was a mini game where you shoot target 🎯 that appear in the place. The ceiling of the throne room even had the King Ohger Mural!

Next was Ishabana and it was a like a quest. Marie had the control. Apparently in beginning you can choose Japanese or English, So & Yuzuyan ask Marie to choose English but she refuse saying let her do it in Japanese.

So spoke English for a moment asking do you speak Japanese (Gahh it sound good)

Marie just reply back in Japanese 😂

YET somehow it turn out the written dialogue was in English. Marie blame that she couldn’t see plus mention that she thought Japanese was on default & press the wrong button thus it end up to be English. Therefore she had no choice but to translate for them what the dialogue 🤣 (Poor Marie) she did translate for them roughly although some part she skip they were like what was written?!?! She did apologize for choosing English but they were fine with it. ☺️

Basically the quest is that you wake up in Ishabana & was save so want return back the favour to Queen Himeno. So the quest is find 5 flower the way was to use Pick-axe to smash the rock to find it. Yet somehow after giving the flower you seem to want to do more since she did save your life. That you end up have to find 300 flower. There was another ‘cheat’ way where this traveller got a machine that allow you make flower but in return the traveller wants a MOFFUN! You have to find it and exchange for the machine that allow you complete the quest and then you can access second floor of castle.

Though like N’Kosopa they just explore outside of the castle and the surrounding.

Next was Gokkan

A bit let down didn’t see the Castle it was mostly outside(I mean it was beautiful but I wanted a small glimpse of the castle) where Yuzuyan & So had the controller (it like two player now onward). Sensei was telling them to power up & gacha for weapon because the game in Gokkan was to fight like wave of zombie figure. Although there was a cool weapon where you shoot out sword & it stab to the ground like Rita’s signature move before exploding! Cool oh yeah it was purple 😎

While they play until they lost, it was really fun they wanted do another round but couldn’t due to lack of time.

Next was Toufu that was still under development while they were playing.

So & Aoto had the controllers this time. They were basically just inside the castle & there was a room that made out like kitchen where all cooking is done they had the sink, box, shelves just anything that like huge kitchen. It was connected to the Throne room.

Also there was this game where you can become a Mini-Kuroko. Basically the game is that you have be last person standing. Not sure if two player game or more can join but for this channel was just two of them.

The base is Tatami mat & underneath is lava so you have to survive by just trying not to fall into the lava. The Tatami mat is fragile so it will break after stepping on it, you can dash & jump. Just have to be last Kuroko standing!

Aoto just kept losing 5 times in a row hahaha & he said it was boring because of it 🤣

So reacted to it saying Aoto just suck at the game.

(There was a statue that say who is wining & how may win)

After his fifth lost, So then suggested whoever lose give next person.

Then Marie took over as she tried to trap So but still lost 3 times 😅 that she like ask Yuzuyan to take over 😆

If I am not mistaken (since they do cut out some part) Yuzuyan lost once but second time finally beat the undefeated Champion So! She even say Toufu now mine & cheer hahaha cute

Then Aoto vs Yuzuyan & 😂 Aoto lost (Aoto I feel so bad for you he is really terrible at game lol)

Then it was Marie Vs Yuzuyan &…Marie won. Then So begin to tease Yuzuyan for losing 😆

Afterward they were told to draw faces for Kuroko that they might use for the game.

Apparently found out they do reuse (or unintentionally put among with other notebook) their drawing notebook that they got sidetrack to find some of previous Masato Yano (Racles) stuff he did in one previous King Chan.

So & Yuzuyan drew a few possible picture to use for Kuroko & I am terrible at explaining how look like so I will just post a picture of one main one they drew

Then they also given the task to give a name for the game which they came up with was this…

黒子からの挑戦畳 (Kuroko's challenge tatami)

~Tatami, Sushi,Samurai~

Though they seem to agree that when the game release the bottom part might be removed 😂

Just roughly what can tell from the two episode (I was laughing at them playing also 😆it so amusing) although I really just want to play the game to see the world…I don’t know if I got time. 🥲

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Ah, hello, hello! You KNOW who this is, haha.

I - and the rest of society - would greatly appreciate your thoughts on Aemond's asshole. What does it look like? Is it hairy? Clean? Does he like a little wink-wink action in the backdoor borehole? Does it taste like candycanes and sweet dreams? Tell me EVERYTHING.

Give me the DEETS, bro.

*Joe Goldberg voice* Hello, you.

Right, before I delve into the particulars of Aemond One-Eye's brown eye, I feel I should share an anecdote with you all, to prove I have the credentials to speak at length about such delicate matters.

It was the summer of 2019, before my husband and I got married, and we were living together in sin (*gasps*). We found this shitty knock off of Street Fighter and were playing it. We decided that, to make things interesting, whoever lost a round would have to do a forfeit. My then-boyfriend/now-husband inevitably lost the first round, as I am the queen of button smashing. I decided that, as his forfeit, he would show his asshole to me. So, my 6'4 hunk of a man stands in the corner of our living room, the "di-di-di-doo-doo-doo" of this shitty Street Fighter game load screen still playing away to itself in the background, pulls down his pants and presents his balloon knot to me. I have seen anuses before, but this is the first time I have ever really taken the time to properly study one. It was lightly creased, darker around the outside and pinkish towards the middle. I could draw that thing from memory.

Anyway, the point is, I am essentially a learned doctor when it comes to the ancient and well respected practice of asshole descripions, so you can take everything I say as fact.

Aemond asshole facts below the cut.

I know I keep going on about Ewan Mitchell in High Life, but honestly, you can take all your frame of reference for nudie Aemond from that movie.

Look at that ass. It is simply an ass that won't quit. Like two muscular scoops of vanilla ice cream. Baby boy is not skipping leg day in the training yard, that's for sure.

But what if we were to part those muscular cheeks and delve into what sits between them?

As @lady-phasma very rightfully headcanons, Aemond has never taken a dump in his life. Can you imagine this man sat in a privy or doing something as disgusting as wiping his ass? Of course you can't, because he doesn't poop. Everyone knows that pooping is shameful and that is effectively concentrated evil coming out the back of you.

With this in mind, his asshole is CLEAN as a whistle and perfect for licking. It's likely a little ruddier in colour compared with the rest of his skin - a similar dark pinkish tone to his nutsack and bellend.

He does have hairs around his ring piece, though they are white blonde and baby fine, so they won't get in the way should you decide to indulge in some spelunking.

Aemond tastes like testicle sweat, if he's been out riding Vhagar. Or pussy juice, if he's been inside riding you.

Aemond will never explicitly ask you to eat his asshole, however, should you choose to do so you'll have him a whining, drooling mess in no time. The moment your tongue breaches that tight little ring of muscle he'll pop off so hard it will hit the pillows.

Of course he will never return the favour, because you poop and he finds that revolting. He can't risk getting pink eye when he only has one eye to begin with. Gross. He'd rather feed you to Vhagar than chance getting a whinnet of shit stuck in his teeth.

I'll end this by saying: if you have ever pooped in your life then Aemond Targaryen hates you. He wants you dead.

If you made it this far, god bless you and thank you for reading.

[cinnbar-bun]

I just discovered your blog and I already love it! Can I ask you what would be the favorite video games of the groups Destiny, Sea salt and Wayfinder please? What would they play or like? If that's too much feel free to reduce to the characters you like the most or ignore, it's really okay! Thank you and good vibes!

A/n: Woo just slowly gonna try and go through the requests! I added a few extra bonuses, hope you enjoy <3

Multiple KH Characters and Their Favorite Video Games!

Destiny Island Trio: 

Sora: Fighting games- preferably Smash. He mains himself main characters (Mario, Link, Kirby, FE protags). He sucks. He is the guy who button mashes and corners players to beat the hell out of them. 

Riku: Fighting games- preferably Tekken or Street Fighter. Mains Jin or Lee. Attempts to be strategic but gets way too competitive fast and is busy mashing all the buttons off the controller. 

Kairi: Way too good at fighting games. But she’d probably play lots of Pokemon or monster collecting games. She has many setups that are both competitive or just fun ones for a fun challenge. 

Sea Salt Family: 

Roxas: Persona fanboy. He hasn’t played 1-2 but he can’t pick a favorite between 3-5. Plays all the spinoffs or has someone else play them for him. His favorite characters are the protagonists. Hears jazz music and assumes this is a Persona 5 reference. 

Xion: Resident DMC and Souls-like player. Girl is a monster on the controllers despite being just being born. The way she can effortlessly combo and dodge all attacks makes her a fearsome opponent. 

Axel: Mario Kart. Axel is pretty average at video games (unless they’re like, retro or arcade) but Mario Kart? He’s on it like Donkey Kong. He mains Funky Kong. 

Saix: He has two wolves inside him- the logical gamer and the second, more absurd gamer. Sometimes he wants to unwind, so he might pick up a basic platformer like Mario or Sonic, but on the other side- he’s a menace in a Warriors game. He’s hacking and slashing. He’s killing everyone in his path. Also, he’s a completionist.  He has to get the best markings and everything. Won’t settle for less. 

Wayfinder Trio: 

Terra: Minecraft and fighting games. He tries his best lmao. He’s just got pretty big hands so often he messes up with combos but he’s also pretty impatient and tends to spam certain moves.

Aqua: Rhythm games definitely. Watch her effortlessly get all perfect scores in one try. Even the hardest OSU! map has nothing on Aqua. She also kicks ass at fighting games. 

Ventus: He likes Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games and Mario Party. He always loses at almost any game against his friends though. 

Bonus Characters: 

Namine: I feel like she enjoys visual novels and Okami. She really loves aesthetic games and is a patient player. 

Xemnas: does not play video games beyond Candy Crush or Solitaire. You kids and your “Splatoons” or “Bayonettas”, go pick up an old Final Fantasy game smh. 

Xigbar: Call of Duty. Fortnite. PUBG. Overwatch. He’s a menace and plays all sorts of FPS games. His sniping abilities IRL translate very well into games. Also likes the Hitman games. 

Vexen: Bookworm and civilization manager games. He’s big on Age of Empires and is a top talent within the community. He loves playing as the Vikings or Mayans for competitive play. He’s also made many custom maps. 

Zexion: Tower Defense managers and Ace Attorney. He loves deducing the crime or finding the best way to defend his base with the minimum amount of units possible. 

Xaldin: He doesn’t play games (lie). He plays romantic visual novels. Plays all kinds of them. Otomes too. He is a lonely man. Also loves cooking games. 

Lexaeus: farming games. He just has a fun time playing Story of Seasons. Rune Factory is nice too but he prefers SoS because he loves the farming aspect more. 

Demyx: Guitar Hero. No argument. This man did all the crazy achievements and was going at it for days.

Luxord: Yeah yeah solitaire and gambling- have you considered he loves playing the Yakuza games? Well now you do. He loves the games dearly and cherishes them and likes to be the biggest Yakuza on the block. Also yeah, he plays lot of gacha games. 

Marluxia: Doesn’t really play video games, but he’d most likely play some horror games with Larxene or town management games. 

Larxene: Horror games or multiplayer games where she can troll people. Banned from multiple servers and people refuse to play with her minus Marluxia. Aesthetically though she loves Trish from DMC and thinks Vergil is number one. 

[shaemeful]

End of Semester Reflection

This semester saw us explore three essential Adobe programs: Illustrator, Photoshop, and InDesign. From this list I was very familiar with Photoshop, had had some experience with InDesign, but had admittedly always avoided using Illustrator because I didn't understand how to use it properly. While I still have much to learn, I can happily report I am now significantly more confident using all three of these programs and no longer fear the dreaded Illustrator.

The biggest problems I encountered with this course involved Illustrator - but that's because I was treating it like Photoshop. The missing piece and the biggest lesson I learnt was that Illustrator layers stack whereas Photoshop layers interact (or at least how my brain interprets it). Once I had this locked in I was able to absolutely smash out my book backgrounds on Illustrator with ease. This program was without a doubt my biggest learning curve, but honestly it was the most satisfying to get right.

Learning the Pathfinder tool was probably the trickiest part and the way I managed to finally wrap my head around it was to sit down and just play around with it. While the buttons do say what they're going to do, until you're familiar its hard to compute what they actually mean. If I could do the semester over again I would have taken more time at the beginning to figure this function out as it was a real fundamental I missed and struggled with as a result.

Because I was sick or away for a large portion of Term One I found myself behind very quickly. When it came to catching up I went through all the material provided to us on Moodle and Teams and did all the steps/documented everything myself, but to make sure I was on the right track I was often checking Timothy Still's (timothystillop1.tumblr.com) for a reference point. I definitely don't think he as even aware I was using him for inspiration, but he had a really solid Tumblr to use as an example so if I ever meet him (or have I? I'm not even sure WHO Tim is) I will have to thank him for getting me through the Tumblr side of this course!

Our final project saw us make a nursery rhyme book for a small child, I chose to personalise mine for my three year old niece, Riley. This was without a doubt my favourite assignment of the semester across all my papers and I think that shows in my final spreads.

I wanted to challenge myself by minimising how much I used Photoshop to create my pages as this was the program I always gravitate towards. While I obviously had to cut my Riley images out and edit them on Photoshop, almost all other media featured on the pages was created in Illustrator. I did take my Illustrator backgrounds into Photoshop to add my Riley images so I could make final adjustments, but all in all I'd say 80% was Illustrator.

With this project I got a little bit excited and did stray away from the brief by adding an additional four pages, but I don't feel like the quality of my work dropped with the extra workload. My goal was to create something I could get printed and bound to give her as a gift, and I am so insanely proud with the work I produced I can't wait to give it to her.

One thing I will be revising before getting it printed is changing some of my supporting images into proper vector drawings. For the sake of time I did rip the pirate ship, the drum kit, and the microphone from the internet - but making them vector drawings that I create will allow for more cohesion across the book.

This course taught me a lot and has really inspired me to continue creating digitally. The skills and tools I have learnt across all three platforms will be things that I take away with me no matter what specific field I end up in - because even if I'm not using them professionally, they will be things I use in my own personal projects.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us, Toby!

[justonefeather]

Ok y'all I'm posting this here because I have fucking nobody I can talk about this with easily but I need to know if I'm crazy or not like I feel like I'm not in my right mind for thinking these things but maybe I'm semi reasonable I don't know anymore

So I'm starting to really be down bad for a guy I play XIV with. And it's driving me up a wall. But I don't think he's uhh like reachable? Like I don't think it's work. But I'm not sure if he's very gently (or.. at a low level? Idk how to word that) flirting with me or not. I'm so bad at knowing these things. Anyway

So, background for those who don't play. Healers have a skill/button called Rescue. It targets one other player and brings their character to where the healer is. It's jokingly called the baby leash because it's used to bring people standing in bad to a safe place. There's also an meme about a Craigslist post of some guy looking for other guys to jack off with and there's like crystal necklaces, so any "tether" can be a "JO tether".

Now we fuck around in voice chat ok? Like the whole group, we have fun, we are silly. But like this uh. He fucked me up a bit tonight. He "rescued" me because we were chatting and I lost focus for just long enough to possibly get hit by something that would kill me. Someone else said, oh he (referring to me) was there but then wasn't what happened?

Him: "oh, I leashed him". Me, laughing but trying not to be obvious that it's my nervous laugh: "uhhhh maybe that wasn't the best wording it was a little sus". His reply: "oh, you didn't appreciate that? Would you rather I called it the JO tether?" Idk I can't type the way he said it but I feel like it was said in A Way. Maybe it's just me but idk y'all. It fucked me up.

Like BRO don't make me think about this while we're fucking raiding man. I died to a mechanic almost immediately after because brain empty except for the thought of him putting a fucking collar and leash on me and oh god oh fuck i need to not think about being so very fucking ok with that- oh wait I'm dead

Like I'd say we're close, out of the group I'm probably closer to him than I am to anyone else. We DM a bit, share memes, he helped me more than once with real life stuff. I enjoy talking to him a lot. I'm also the only one who knows his full name and his kid's name ;3

But. He lives halfway across the country, has a wife and child and stable job, and like. I'm me lol. We also don't know what each other look like. He does know that I'm poly and bi and trans and all the other various little things, and he's not weird about any of that. I also am pretty sure he's bi he didn't say the words but he *did* say smash on a few male/masc enemies when we played smash or pass in the group chat one night 👀

Anyway idk if I'm reading into it too much and I'm trying not to allow myself to have hope or think of him that way because like what if that's weird. Is it weird? Am I thinking too much? Obviously like if someone is in a monogamous relationship then I'm not gonna interfere with that, and I don't "know" that's the case but usually when people are married it is. There's also the other stuff.

I'm trying to arrange a small group meetup at a con, and I'm not sure if I'm worried or not about meeting him. Like part of me is worried I'm gonna see him and be like oh no he's hot and I'm going to have A Bigger Issue, also worried if it *were* mutual when we met, what then, like he's got a LIFE, my partner might be more ok with it but idk about his wife like..

Ugh idk I'm fucked up over this shit rn

[amewinterswriting]

Ame Reviews: Obscurer Square Enix

Final Fantasy Type-0 HD

I'm not quite sure what I was expecting. I knew that the title had been intended to be attached to the Final Fantasy XIII universe (back before lackluster reviews of the main game - I get the feeling there was a very hasty scrub away of all plot references to leave Type-0 as a standalone game with only a few references hinting at it's origins, such as mentions of L'Cie and Cieth). I also knew it was originally a PSP game so I wasn't expecting the graphics to particularly wow me. I'm also pretty sure I knew that the cast were school-age, so I think I was expecting fantasy high-school hijinks and quests.

I definitely wasn't expecting the first hour of the game to be a gritty warzone with minor fantasy elements movie - though given the Square Enix proclivity for starting out with a long cut scene, I should have expected that, at least. There is blood and at least two named character deaths - and they don't spare the chocobo, so if violence to animals upsets you, be warned. I didn't get a warning. It's also not a quick death. And that's the opening cutscene, just so we're absolutely clear.

When the game actually allows you to play it, it's split between 'missions' - focused levels with particular objectives - and downtime - limited time between missions that you can use to trigger side plot events, restock, take lessons and train up.

The missions feel much like the missions in Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core - action-based combat on a small map with limited elements to interact with besides the enemy. Shows the PSP roots and I don't mind that - I knew going in - but if you were expecting a full PS4 game, you would be disappointed. The combat also takes a while to get used to - despite being real-time, it doesn't want you to smash buttons, more thoughtfully select your actions. Adding into that a full roster of 14 playable characters that you are encouraged to use and keep at similar levels to each other that all have different playstyles and customisation to them, there's a bit of a learning curve and if you're underleveled, you might be learning a new character at the worst possible time: when you've managed to kill all the characters you're actually good with.

The downtime is where most of the interesting things really happen - character get development, world building elements get revealed and the quirky NPCs get a chance to make an appearance. I would have liked a few quality of life things - shops accessible through the menu instead of physically walking through areas to visit them (and there's at least three merchants on campus selling different things, all in different areas), sidequests/plot events having markers on the map to stop me scouring the whole school between every mission and being able to swap characters on the fly outside of missions (since some events can only be triggered by some characters and you need to visit a save point to swap between characters).

This is maybe only really one for the die-hard Final Fantasy fans, but it's got some annoyingly good bones. There's the wide cast of playable characters all with their own quirks and personalities - it kinda feels like being able to play a highschool simulator with Organisation XIII! And there's some interesting plot in there, though in recent Square Enix fashion, it's a bit obscured behind the myriad bits of required reading to understand. Also some of the actual dialogue writing feels very flimsy - with a large cast of characters to play with, it's understandable but unfortunate that some of them feel very thin.

World of Final Fantasy

My expectation for World of Final Fantasy was a cute little fluffy game aimed at kids. Babies first JRPG. Simple plot and mechanics with a cute varnish of Final Fantasy legacy characters.

What I got was Pokémon meets Final Fantasy by way of Kingdom Hearts.

The combat is turn-based and features capturing and leveling and evolving (though it's called transfiguration) the normal staple Final Fantasy monsters (but now they are adorable as all hell) and stacking them up on one another (along with the protagonists Lann and Reynn). Stacking is simple to learn, difficult to master, as different creatures will add their stats, strengths and weaknesses to the stack, as well as affecting speed, stability and potential special skills. This was an amazingly refreshing way to approach turn based combat and it's actually annoying Square Enix haven't done anything similar since.

In terms of Final Fantasy, I was expecting the usual crowd favourites - pretty much everyone from VII, Lightning, Squall, Tidus, Yuna...but I wasn't expecting them to pull from older titles. Bartz, Warrior of Light, Sarah and Eiko make plot appearances! Also more obscure characters get a look in, like Shelke from FFVII Dirge of Cerberus...which I was half convinced even Square Enix had forgotten about! I didn't even know where Shantoto or Sherlotta were from (FFXI and Crystal Chronicles) but their inclusion was an absolute delight and made me curious about their stories.

For the Kingdom Hearts element... remember when you control Roxas in the beginning of Kingdom Hearts 2 and his Twilight Town is charming but something feels off and there's more going on than meets the eye? That's a lot of the plot in WOFF - Lann and Reynn wake up in their home town but all the people are gone. All except a mysterious woman who knows a lot more than she's telling anyone and starts the kids off on a magical adventure through Final Fantasy lands... except the plot just gets more twists from there and the kids realise they really don't know much about...anything.

As for Lann and Reynn themselves: wonderful original characters, really think they nailed the sibling dynamic and they told such a powerful story about power, loss, grief, forgiveness and redemption that rekindled my hope that there is someone employed by Square Enix who knows how to present and tell a story effectively!

I'd heartily recommend to anyone and I'm desperately hoping they make a sequel.

[lavender-annd-lilac]

Ok first I‘ll attempt to write a couple regular comments so u don’t have to scroll to the end to check 😂 (also, if any of this sounds sarcastic it’s not lol idk why I get that a lot but apparently I give off that vibe lmao)

This fic was a delightful read 😍. Never thought that male masturbation fantasies could be described in such a poetic way tbh.

Like, unsolicited communication from horny dudes is always unpleasant but…

NOT GONNA LIE, if I received this kind of quality writing filled with evocative imagery instead of a dick pic, I’d be like, “dang!! ok king, drop your A03 link and we’ll talk 🙂”

Some jokes(?) under the cut 🤔

shoutout to @navybrat817 for showing me how to do it properly lol this is my first successful cut in like 800 Tumblr posts 😭

Do y’all ever think, “huh, I wonder how they came up with that?” But only want responses with wrong answers?

Well, I’m here with all the incorrect data you could possibly want bc I actually feel like a ton of stuff was accidentally invented by some dude jacking off and then later ppl had to come up with a more PR appropriate reason like, “oh, I was inspired by my kid’s crayon drawing or something” 🙄

So, inspired by this fic, here are some onion-style news headlines/blurbs about the origin of various things. 🙃

⚠️My usual disclaimer: nervous attempts at humour = my love language and the only way I know how to show appreciation for things I enjoy. 😅

he wasn’t able to make heads or tales out of why any creator might give two shits about whether or not Steve fucks his hand.

Ancient texts reveal the origin of Atheism! Recently, anthropologists were able to decipher age-old inscriptions describing how Some Dude jerked off 59 times without suffering god’s wrath, and his subsequent realization that there is no pervert in the sky. This is the earliest reference to Atheism we have been able to find in our records.

All of that unbridled testosterone crawls right up behind his eyes and his brain fizzles at the edges, agitated like an animal in a cage.

Smashing Pumpkins superfans come forth with new theory

Fans now believe the inspiration for the bands iconic song “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”, was actually the pent up desire to jerk off. Readers might recognize this song from the iconic line which spawned the following mildly successful meme:

but sometimes he’ll spiral into a hundred other videos and he’s stayed up one (or five) too many nights doing that.

From the Archives: Local Man experiences fatigue because he stays up late watching too much porn.

Although his work performance has suffered as a result, he still received a promotion due to his status of being a white guy in 1985. Today, we celebrate the passing of the late great inventor of the 2x playback speed button.

all he’s got is about forty-five minutes before bed

Area Man complains about not having enough hours in the day to masturbate.

Daylight Savings Time is created; farmers take the blame.

Your weight, a perfect amount of pressure crawling on top of him, mapping out the expanse of his chest.

Exclusive interview with the inventor of the weighted blanket!

Confident Man explains how he longed to feel the soul crushing pressure of existence that ordinary people experience every night.

What’s he going to think about tonight?

Inside sources reveal that the tagline for a popular children’s show was created by a Horny Man.

The long, graceful shape of your fingers exploring his torso

Self-proclaimed Artist reveals new “erotic”sculpture

Neighborhood residents complain about “creepy” and “bizzare” statue.

His hips move in careful circles

Whose Hips Should we Trust?

Man claiming to be an “experienced masturbator” argues that Shakira “stole his moves” and plans to sue the “Hips Don’t Lie” singer in the latest wave of plagiarism lawsuits.

shattering because he’ll have gotten past your defenses,

Single Man complains that the ladies don’t appreciate his sports analogies during sex.

Feels that women should be more accepting of his fixation on college football.

Steve’s mind races through each position— every arrangement of your arms and legs

Man claiming to be the inventor of the popular party game “Twister” submits video evidence

Geriatric judge rushed to ER for cardiac surgery after footage of an orgy taking place on what appears to be a carpet with a polka dot pattern is shown in court.

him behind the wheel taking you closer to that cliff’s edge.

Science Spotlight: The Man Behind the Design

Engineer who pioneered the design for guard rails describes how the idea originated from his desire to quell homicidal fantasies about ex-wife.

You’d cry, Steve, oh—my god—oh my god—feels so good, Steve. Fuck me harder, please. However you want—whatever you want, I promise.

More Sorrows for Shakira

Pop sensation Shakira is in the news again after disgruntled fan accuses the “Whenever, Wherever” singer of taking inspiration from his self-insert fan fiction without giving credit.

You’d shake, and shake, and shake and Steve— he falls.

Area Man arrested for indecent exposure pleads not guilty in court

Serving as his own counsel, the accused claims he was merely making a TikTok dance tutorial based on Taylor Swift’s hit single “Shake It Off”, and cites his right to freedom of expression.

Spun out, headfirst, off the steepest bluff of his inventions and crashes into open waves beneath.

Former Psychologist Loses License

Reports show that several patients complained of inappropriate groping during “visualization exercise” intended to overcome fear of heights.

your entire being an unprimed canvas waiting for his splatter.

Drunk man tries to pass off pornographic screenshots of various women as original Jackson Pollock paintings on eBay.

Pollock was an American painter known for his “drip technique” of pouring paint onto the canvas.

hips still moving, back still arched,

Local Man Banned From 3rd Gym in the Area

This ban, as the ones before, is the result of several instances where he was caught naked, “demonstrating” the barbell glute bridge to other members of the fitness club.

He nudges hair off his forehead with the back of his clean hand

Man claiming to be an “environmentalist” develops bad reputation on Tinder

Past hookups report that he insists on giving women “facials”, but freaks out if any bodily fluids come near his own face. In response, Man states that having to wash his hair after sex is “wasting water”.

feels like coming up for breath after a drowning-- feels beyond good.

Lifeguards Frustrated by Neighbourhood Creep

Lifeguards at the community centre express concerns about local man who uses pool to practice autoerotic asphyxiation. Sources tell us management insists they are obligated to resuscitate him each time for legal reasons.

The text post about “ your fav is fucking his fist rn thinking of you” please lord let it be for Steve ( I’m. Late I know)

a/n: heheh it is :) 1.5k words of male masturbation ayyye. also, if you have not already, go check out @heavenbarnes’ ficlet, which haunts me everyday. please stop reading if you are not 18+

brooklyn after dark masterlist

slow hands*

Steve jerks off— a lot.

Even before the serum, when he was just any other violently hormonal, grass-fed, free-range human boy, instinct couldn’t be denied. Even after a long period of reflection during his catechism days, he wasn’t able to make heads or tales out of why any creator might give two shits about whether or not Steve fucks his hand.

Now as a whopping 200-pound slab of grade-A, laboratory-engineered, serum-enhanced super-soldier, if he doesn’t pump one out every twenty-four hours, it’s hard to focus on much else. All of that unbridled testosterone crawls right up behind his eyes and his brain fizzles at the edges, agitated like an animal in a cage.

(So, although it’s mostly pleasure, it’s also necessity.)

He knows that it’s best before bed because early mornings or while showering requires working within the constraints of a ticking clock; if he’s got a packed schedule and needs a quick rub, fine, but not his favorite.

He knows that he likes certain activities, and if he’s looking at porn, specific categories and maybe a few performers will fit a niche—but sometimes he’ll spiral into a hundred other videos and he’s stayed up one (or five) too many nights doing that.

More than anything, Steve knows nothing beats his imagination, and he knows the best lies you can tell are ones with a bit of truth attached to them.

So, he plays a little game.

He thinks about you.  

Cheeky you, who’s always teasing him about taking life too seriously. So prim and proper, Steve, you purr, always Mr. Punctual. Aren’t you tired of being nice? Loosen up—go dancing, meet a girl, have a one-night stand; fuck with the lights on for once.

Hm. Sure he’d like to, but all he’s got is about forty-five minutes before bed because he’s frankly too busy (see: stubborn, see: not interested in just any girl) for anything else.

For forty-five minutes, Steve takes a moment of truth and runs warp speed into the burning sunset with it.

The time you put your hand in his hair to fix a flyaway before a press conference—what if you gripped it hard, instead? Your candy pink lip gloss on Friday evening—what if it smudged off on his jaw, his collar, his eager cock? How you looked lifting out of the pool with rivulets of water dribbling into the hollow of your throat—what if he pressed his cheek to it, drank from it?

(The expression that might cross your face when you realize Steve would very much like to fuck you with the lights on.)

When you kissed him on that mission in Thailand, sliding into his lap to hide the both of you in a corner nook of a restaurant. The taste of sweetened coffee passed from your mouth to his, and he couldn’t help but dart his tongue out. You playfully scolded him about taking advantage of a dangerous situation (it wasn’t that dangerous), and despite all your usual attitude, it was surprisingly cute how you couldn’t make eye contact afterwards, making him want to kiss you again just to figure you out.

Last night—when you smiled, the glimmer in your eyes like a sliver of moonlit coin and if he blinked at the wrong time, he might have missed it. Your breathy laugh, your little giggle, how you raggedly pant while you spar, he thinks about those sounds mingled with his name. Your weight, a perfect amount of pressure crawling on top of him, mapping out the expanse of his chest.

He’d be happy just to watch, finally able to see you in glimpses not bordering voyeuristic like when you zip up in the hangar or concerned when you peel off Kevlar layers smudged with gunpowder. No, you’d be relaxed and tangible, full and felt—breasts, waist, belly, the sides of your hips as you straddle him, pulling his hands toward your body and letting him touch you.

Steve sighs into the darkness of his room, sweats shucked off, lube-slick hand feeling for his already aching cock. What’s he going to think about tonight? The small of your back when you lean over the pool table? The long, graceful shape of your fingers exploring his torso? Your face dazed, tipsy-tinged after a few drinks and sweet on his shoulder?

(He would like more of that. He could make you look like that if you ever asked.)

His hips move in careful circles, testing his grip, nudging at the tunnel of his fist like how your pussy would resist the first thrust until he wedges his way past it, slipping the head of his cock into your warmth. You’d be so, so warm. So soft and tight and perfectly fitted around him.

“Ah, fuck,” Steve mutters, eyes squeezed shut.  

He fucks into his fist, the sound of slick gushing out like wet slaps, like the hot clutch of noise your tight hole would make as he’d stretch it out—as he’d stretch you out.

He’s panting harder. You‘d look breathtaking on all fours, head turned around to see him rutting inside, jaw slack in disbelief that your body could keep taking him like this, like you could break any moment.  

The pretty, pretty whimpers at the harsh punctuation of every thrust. They’d tear loose from your throat and you wouldn’t be able to bite them down anymore. You could unravel because of him—shattering because he’ll have gotten past your defenses, gotten so deep you could do nothing but arch back for more, needing him further, needing him to know you how nobody else knows you.

Steve’s mind races through each position— every arrangement of your arms and legs in ways you’d give into because he would make the burn delicious, blurring discomfort into pleasure, and how you wouldn’t care if it might hurt because desire would be the drive— him behind the wheel taking you closer to that cliff’s edge.

He’s peeling off into the horizon now, moaning, bucking carelessly, blinded by the bright sun, by the white threatening to explode behind his eyes.

“Uhhhnn—” he looks down at his throbbing cock, swollen with friction and fiction, his other hand rolling the tender skin of his sac between his fingers. He squeezes a hair trigger tighter, in pulses, mimicking how you’d feel close to coming, begging for his release to fill you. Your hands gripping his hair for purchase, hard and frenzied, the scrape of your nails on his scalp. And finally, the abandoned, purely physical response of your body during orgasm, the undeniable wrecked wail of his name.

He’d be rough and gentle all at once, he’d make you taste yourself, clean up the mess you’ve made on him, and then he’d kiss it out of your mouth when he fucks you again. You’d be sore already, and sore the next day. He’d want to leave you aching, shuddering, babbling and delirious for more, for only him.

You’d cry, Steve, oh—my god—oh my god—feels so good, Steve. Fuck me harder, please. However you want—whatever you want, I promise.

You’d suck on his fingers, bite down when it became too much, too good. You’d shake, and shake, and shake and Steve— he falls.

Spun out, headfirst, off the steepest bluff of his inventions and crashes into open waves beneath. Your moaning mouth, your soaked cunt, your entire being an unprimed canvas waiting for his splatter.

And it’d be perfect.  

He comes in ropes, gasping into the reverberating echo of his own breath, hips still moving, back still arched, wet slick dripping down into his fist where he keeps going, using it as another coat of lube. Maybe you’d squirt. Maybe you’d put your face in your hands, embarrassed, or maybe you’d lose all control and he’ll have to hold you up.  

The second wave comes fast and better than the first.

The third, easy, only tinged with a prickle of rawness that makes his toes curl.  

Steve’s chest is sweat-slick and heaving, heat rising off his body as he evens out, throat murmuring the syllables of your name in yearning. He nudges hair off his forehead with the back of his clean hand, and then he checks his clock.

Back to reality, forty-five minutes on the dot tells him he’s still punctual, as you say.

He cleans up, stretching his back as he ambles to the restroom before returning to bed, satisfied. And when Steve tucks himself in for another peaceful night’s sleep, he wonders what you do in the privacy of darkness and if your ritual is anything like his own.

Do you shuck off your lounge clothes? Do you fuck yourself beneath layers of covers with your fingers? A toy? Grab your tits and put those same fingers in your mouth? Do you think about someone—do you think about him? His dick is still half-hard, half-raring for another session because the fourth and fifth time, when it hurts even worse, feels like coming up for breath after a drowning-- feels beyond good.

He’ll think about you some more tomorrow.  

(He’ll think about making you come four or five times.)