#smart weapons

[prachicmi2]

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[zeropro]

Shockwave Starscream interaction?

[therobotsarestuckinmyhead]

Hey, are you doing okay? Could you write a Transformers: Animated headcanon with Optimus, Bumblebee, and Ratchet being friends with a reader who's super unlucky? Like, they're constantly getting into accidents or being flung across the room, yet somehow they always survive? As if the universe is playing a big prank on them XD

☆ [TFA] BOTS w/ an Extremely Unlucky Reader

i am doing fine anon! thanks for asking, i had a lot of fun writing this request :3 i think a reader with comically bad luck is interesting— each bot would have a very different way on dealing with it. i couldn't stop thinking of 'Wonder Of U' from JoJolion for some reason when i saw this request. reader is a victim of calamity lmao

scenario: your crew is trying to help you despite a few of them thinking you might be cursed. reader is a lot younger than Ratchet, like the rest of the crew.

including: Optimus, Bumblebee, Ratchet

Optimus:

— Optimus isn't really sure what's up with you, or how you even manage it. You're always the first to find a Decepticon, you're the first to get attacked by the Decepticons, you're getting tail-swatted away by Grimlock half the time out of sheer bad luck because that T. Rex doesn't seem to like any of them and you get it the worst.

— Now that he's thinking about it, you get everything the worst. He can't leave you alone for ten minutes. If it's not the Decepticons coming to offline you then its your surroundings. He suspects that you might have the environmental awareness of a rock. But that changes pretty quickly when he realizes you're just that unfortunate.

— One time, you drove into a cement pit and nearly got buried alive with cement if it weren't for Bulkhead interrupting those construction workers. The other time, you wandered into a demolishing ground and almost got flattened by debris. You're like a character from that Earth film Sari watched with Bee… a ‘Final Destination’ protagonist with the way you barely survive your day-to-day life. Optimus doesn't know how a single bot can get so much bad luck, it isn't even funny to him (it is to a certain someone else though). He may or may not be concerned.

— So, Optimus being the leader that he is, puts you under his supervision all the time. You're right where he can see you and nowhere else. But it takes a downhill turn.

— He ends up getting stuck in precarious situations with you. As if your misfortune is communicable and he can tell you don't mean it with the way you're looking at him as if you might explode into tears with absolute frustration. You don't mean for any of this to happen and it makes him feel... bad in a way.

— After being in a lot of near-death situations with you, he's gotten to know you a lot more better now so Optimus is a bit more protective over you and he can tell all of these repeated almost-encounters with Primus has definitely left you paranoid with a pessimistic streak. But hey, Optimus is trying his best to make you feel better and more hopeful about the next fight. Usually with a pep-talk or a pat on your pauldron. He is a bit protective over you, mostly because you seem to have the highest chance of getting dying and he doesn't want to lose a good Autobot.

— Eventually, he decided to keep you in the base at all times because of you being, and i quote, “a walking natural disaster surviving on mere gambles” only for a Decepticon to crash the base when the rest of the crew were out on the very same solarcycle.

— Optimus did this not only because of safety concerns but also because your bad luck is unpredictable; it could either be tripping when you're trying to run or get shot at point blank with a fusion cannon (and somehow miraculously survive). He thinks it's a liability for the team. Optimus is still figuring out how to be a leader here, he's figuring things out just like you are.

— Despite everything that goes down, your wit helps you survive all of these near termination situations that you get thrown into so Optimus is kind of impressed with your quick thinking. If only you weren't cursed with such bad luck, you might’ve made a wonderful addition to the Elite Guard. Or so Optimus thinks. Your case is unfortunate.

— He is definitely hesitant about letting you near Sari way too often when Optimus isn't there to make sure that you don't trigger the end of the universe by just existing. Primus knows what chaos would ensue with you and Sari in the same room.

— Optimus feels bad for you but he isn't sure what he's going to do with you. At all. He eventually realizes that your bad luck is just inevitable and the team has to push through it, especially when you start using your bad luck against the Decepticons.

Bumblebee:

— At first, this mech had absolutely no hesitation about laughing his aft off at every single one of your misfortunes as if there was a reality TV show unfurling in front of him. Bumblebee was borderline insufferable.

— But then, it slowly gets more concerning. Especially after the whole Allspark incident. He still gets a laugh every now and then, don't get him wrong but he may or may not be a teensy bit concerned now.

— Watching you getting flattened after Bulkhead tripped and fell right on top of you was pretty damn funny but at the same time, you being nearly made into molten metal by Blitzwing wasn't exactly something to laugh at. Or the fact that Megatron grabbed you and almost crushed you into bits with a single servo. That was painful to watch.

— Bumblebee feels genuinely sorry for you when Optimus basically grounds you saying that its for your safety and everyone else's safety. Sure you got a lot of bad luck but it can't be that bad!

— So Bee went against the big bot and helps you sneak out of base with Sari. You're not supposed to be around the human but Bumblebee thinks thats scrap!

— Bee pretty much stands up for you when Optimus decides to beach you and you seem clearly upset with it. He may be an aft sometimes but that doesn't mean he is one all the time. Bumblebee just likes cracking way too many jokes than he should.

— Has nominated you, without your consent to be bait to lure in Decepticons. You're a trouble magnet. Bee is pretty sure that if you were kept tied to a post, all the Decepticons in the vicinity would instantly be drawn out to the area. He clarified it was a joke.

— Bumblebee & Sari theorizes that your bad luck might just be your ability. Optimus Prime has his grapples and foam, Ratchet has his EMP burst, Prowl has his ninja skills, Bee has his stinger and Bulk has his ridiculous strength. You don't really seem to have any particularly special abilities.

— At some point, even some of the Decepticons (Blitzwing) notices how particularly unlucky you are and mocks you mid battle because you're stuck under a boulder that seemed to have come from absolutely nowhere. Bee stands up for you and says something like, “HEY, THREE FACE! I’m the only one who gets to make fun of ‘em!”.

— He goes from consistently making fun of your mishaps to "hey, dont take it too hard" after getting closer and closer with you. When he helps you sneak out, the two of you have gotten into a lot of mishaps together and almost died but Optimus doesn't need to know that part.

— Bee is more of a “We can work through your unfortunate circumstances together because I care about you!” type mech than a “I care about you as well as everyone else on the team so I'm going to set you aside so no one gets hurt." like Optimus is initially. So he doesn't really think you should avoid doing something just because you're basically cursed by Primus.

Ratchet:

— Out of all of them all, he probably pities your misfortune the most because he's the one repairing you afterwards.

— You and Ratchet are really close because of your repeated visits to the medbay back when you guys were just a usual Space-Bridge repair crew. You somehow managed to get yourself hurt even in that.

— The fact that you're alive is a medical mystery with the sheer amount of damages your endoskeleton has suffered. He remembers the first time he looked into your internals and his optics practically widened into bulbs. Theres cracks nearly everywhere and it took nearly forever for him to fix them all.

— To make sure he never has to spend cycles soldering and rewiring your frame, Ratchet makes regular check ups on you after a battle. Just to make sure you haven't sustained any damage trigged by your mythical levels of misfortune.

— You're capable, he can clearly see that. Ratchet also makes sure to teach you some basic repairs so that in the situation that you're on the battlefield and your stupid luck nearly gets you offline again, you can pick yourself back up.

— Ratchet can see how disheartened you are when something goes awry during a mission involving you and he isn't the best at comforting you so he just goes "it'll go better next time.". Implying that there will be a next time because you're practically a tenant in his medbay with how often you get injured.

— He's also pretty strict about you resting after a battle because you've sustained the most damage almost all the time. Ratchet wants you to be fully recovered before you go off to have another near-Primus-meeting incident again. But Bee sometimes sneaks you out regardless because you need to have fun! Despite what Ratchet says.

— He's very concerned but hes not really saying a word. Just raising his optical ridge, questioning Bumblebee when he says that you should come along to do something he perceives as reckless. Then he says something real snarky which makes Bee shut up near immediately and regret even suggesting that.

— He's your supportive yet very concerned grouchy grandpa. You're probably the only one who actually listens to some of his stories he talks about while repairing because when you're in the medbay, its usually for a longer time considering the amount of damages you sustain. So you really have nothing better to do.

[sobbing-org]

the vibe I bring to the function:

[supersoftspidey]

dating thunderbolts!bucky and being friends with yelena/ava so they show you the most wack ass pics of him saying 'this your man?' like hes still getting used to a new phone and they ask him to take a group pic but he ends up flipping the camera and being unable to turn it back so theres like 50 blurry asf boomer angle selfies that he took and tried to delete but they recovered them from the trash and you just gotta

yeah thats my man <3

[starscream-is-my-wife]

I just found your SIC Megatron au and its vise grip on my brain is worrying

I can't help but feel that Starscream possessiveness of Megatron is distinctively humanizing in a way, and couple with the way Megatron just called himself a tool, like, do that repeatedly and it doesn't matter that you are literally fighting for the right to personhood, that shit will ingrain itself, and that just on to the toxicity sooo wonderfully

Thanks! I keep on having WIPs for this that I keep changing but I got a couple of ideas that are consistent!

I really like the backstory where he was trapped in his gun alt form for as long as he can remember, it feels more likely to break that version of megatron then if he was just a worker before

Megatron is very powerful, more then other gunformers, it’s a mystery to why he was until years in he started to malfunction, at this point the Decepticons are pretty established and Megatron was already SIC so getting him fixed was top priority. Starscream went out to capture someone with actual medical experience and got Ratchet, who was not prime yet and was only a talented up and coming doctor at this point.

Starscream and Ratchet worked on Megatron, discovering his link to a black hole, Ratchet horrified by the power, Starscream in awe of it.

“This power is cruel” “This power is mine”

Megatron idolizes Starscream a lot, but he is very popular. Despite not being able to speak for most of the time he was online, he’s very charismatic. Starscream was fond of the attention but if Megatron ever turns on him he would not hesitate to kill him. Starscream had already planted seeds of doubt into his mind, but now he doubles down on it (I’m still trying to decide if Starscream would install some sort of chip that would suppress any confidence that Megatron would have, or if he breaks down Megatrons ego in a more natural way, probably the latter because I think it fits better, but with the chip version if it ever is removed in the future, the fallout from that would be interesting!)

Starscream plans to keep Ratchet mostly so word of Megatrons power don’t spread around, but he is eventually rescued by Orion Pax. Surprisingly Ratchet doesn’t seem to tell anyone. This extends to his time as Prime. The Autobots don’t know why Ratchimus is so insistent on arguing with Megatron

It’s slow but as Starscream gets more possessive Megatron appears in less in the public eye alone, enforcing the idea that Megatron needs him, but there’s a voice in the back of his mind that he can’t ignore saying that he needs Megatron too

Megatron has accepted that this is the best that his life can get, it's all he's ever known, and he's stubborn in this, what else is there? What was everything for?

I still want Megatron to have alot of power here so it's not just Starscream, he's still Megatron!

[sentient-stove]

leo valdez canonically has hammerspace. rick wasted him by not making him a walking armory 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[sweetestbit3h]

🎓🍪Beauty & Brains 📓🎀

[sadlynotthevoid]

Okey, but, I feel like og!Cale is the type of person that, if someone tried to make fun of him for a crush, he would be like "ah, yeah, that's true" and openly admit it.

So, og AlbeCale AU where whenever someone tries to mock Cale about liking Alberu or asks him about it, he downright says the truth. Regardless of who is hearing him.

As in, maybe once someone asks if Rok Soo and Cale are dating because they seem close (in part because they're kind of close, and in part because Cale keeps knowing what he is thinking, but they don't know that's just a Cale thing). And Rok Soo is like:

Rok Soo: Nah. This guy's type are baker princes.

Cale: You got it wrong. I don't like any princes who bake, I like Alberu only.

And Alberu, who was drinking tea on the background, suddenly chokes on his cup. Which they notice, of course.

"Oh. Hey, Al. Are you okay?"

—Totally unfazed for having Alberu heard the whole conversation.

He's so shameless about it and it's completely unintentional.

He has no idea of how people treat their crushes normally nor is interested on doing the same. He knows that some people tend to get shy, but a decade purposefully acting as trash killed most of his shame— Well, at least when it is about others' opinions of him—. If he wants to do something, being laughed at is not what's going to stop him.

And what he wants is to say how adorable he thinks Alberu is, so that's what he does.

Rejection? He isn't proposing anything. He doesn't plan on dating or wooing Alberu either. It's not that he wouldn't like it, it's just that it hasn't occurred to him that that's even an option. For him, who had spent years hearing everyone say the worst of him, the idea of someone wanting him by their side is so far away that it has yet to form.

So he keeps making casual comments about how cute Alberu is when he's confused, or "his hair looks so soft, I bet it feels that way too", or "he looks so handsome when he's tricking people. I like it more when he doesn't have to, tho", while everyone else feels embarrased for it. Except Rosalyn, she thinks it's hilarious.

Of course, he's pretty much respectful about it, never crossing the line to sexual harassment. And he would stop if Alberu told him too, but he doesn't. He kinda didn't realize that was an option at the beginning and, at this point, he got used and actually enjoys it a bit (a lot).

Cale: oh, sweets! They're my fifth favorite thing in this cruel world.

Rosalyn, fully knowing what she's doing: what are the other four?

Cale, carefully choicing which cake eat first: Well— *rising a finger per item* my family, animals, Alberu and wine. In that order.

Alberu: *frowns* I'm only third?

Cale, picking a chocolate tart: Mm? I loved animals since before meeting you and, at this point, is a part of myself. The other day I saw a dog and spent two hours squatting at her side without realize. It was not a conscious decision, it was... a soul impulse, let's say.

Alberu, looking at his thighs because damn, that's a lot of time to stay in that position: Oh. Wait, you've also loved wine since before meeting me.

Cale: Yes, but drinking wine is a choice. I can live happily without it. You would be... more difficult to leave.

Alberu: *processing* (that means— can't be happy without me aksjdjsj) "blushes hard*

Rosalyn, looking at Alberu's silly fuming face: (don't laugh don't laugh) Pff—

Cale: cherry pie? *Holds a mini pie in front of Alberu*

The turn tables when Alberu realizes that Cale doesn't have resistaince against genuine compliments. He never takes fake glibbery words seriously, but if someone says the slightliest good thing about him and they mean it, he'll become a mess. He just— doesn't know how to react when someone believes anything good about him.

So, Alberu starts complimenting him seriously— as reprisal, of course ("that's just flirting, nephew. You two are flirting, stop calling it vengeance"). Small but real things, details most people doesn't notice, deeper things that he deserves to hear (because, honestly, someone should tell him how sweet he is. How considerate he is. How much he should be appreciated because he's precious. And it seems Alberu is that someone). It works everytime.

Alberu calls his smile cute once and Cale stops talking. Face red and eyes avoiding everything, he can't pronounce a single word.

He calls him kind after Cale subtly helped a strange for no reason (he's obviously doing it in a way others wouldn't notice unless they knew what to look for. Alberu wonders if this is other "Cale thing"). Cale trips and almost gets discovered. When Alberu looks at his face, he's pouting.

Curiously, he doesn't have the same reaction when he gets called smart. He just smiles a bit and sometimes puffs his chest. Huh. Still adorable, tho.

[redbean-nom]

din djarin, age 10: clone wars refugee child

boba fett, age 11: in federal prison for destroying an entire venator while trying to kill mace windu

[lena-thinks-too-much]

Okay, so anyone who says Tim is a Ravenclaw is WRONG. If you think Tim is a Ravenclaw then you don't understand Hogwarts houses outside of "the cool kids, the smart kids, the nice kids, and the mean kids".

Like you mean to tell me Tim "I blackmailed Batman to make me Robin" Drake isn't a Slytherin?

Tim who has more contingencies than Batman and is the only Robin that can LIE to batman?

Tim decides something needs to happen and then makes it happen. Like that isn't the most Slytherin trait ever.

Slytherin's are cunning, resourceful, and ambitious. If you don't think that describes Tim Drake then you clearly haven't read the Red Robin comics.

I mean let's take a look shall we?

He realizes that batman didn't really die, and not a single person in the entire hero community believes him, so what does he do? He decides to find and save batman himself. AND HE SUCCEEDS.

There's the ambition.

Tim fought seven powerful metahuman assassins, whose abilities he did not know of before, while protecting a civilian, AND WON.

Resourcefulness.

And do we really need to talk about how many times Tim faced Ra's in a battle of wits and won?

Cunning.

So yeah, Tim Drake is a Slytherin and if you still don't think so, fight me.

[romtoss]

i start my exams tomorrow but instead i drew mel with a chainsaw

[historymakesmeangry]

The woe of being into old shows that have since gotten a TV show or movie reboot so all I see when I look it up is the reboot 😔

[ruushes]

there are so many creative ways to approach any given situation in bg3 and i remain staunchly ignorant of all of them and do the most obvious thing possible every time. i got an achievement for beating grym without using the forge hammer and was like oh that would've been really clever, wish i'd thought of that instead of standing around it in a circle beating it with clubs until it died

[val-the-flatworm]

Oh God, they're multiplying

I thought we'd had enough of this %@$# with Shadiversity.

Skallagrim, our lord and savior, educate this idiot.

[corviiids]

ok but . . . . . . . Could YOU be kira and win?!

based on how light formulated kira, it's impossible for kira to win. kira's 'new world' has no win condition - light never cleanly defines what criteria he would need to satisfy, so the new world is inherently aspirational, because deep down, light doesn't want to win at all, he just wants to play.

social reform via mass murder, especially in the way kira formulates it but really in any way, is also not only (obviously!!!) deeply, deeply unethical, it's also just fundamentally impossible for myriad reasons. again, kira can't win.

if you found the death note in real life, i would heavily advise against using it. i personally would not use it. aside from, again, the obvious ethical ramifications, it's just too fucking risky!!! the parameters of how the note functions, the potential consequences, the rules, the terms of the 'contract' you'd enter into by using it - all of these are unclear, even if you knew about death note the series. furthermore, even if you had access to the rules, which you don't, the rules explicitly state that the shinigami don't have to explain everything to you. not even the shinigami can access all the rules (only the shinigami king). and based on the a-kira short story, the rules can change and apply retroactively at any time. even if you didn't know all that, by choosing to use it, you would be submitting yourself to all sorts of unknown supernatural and non-supernatural risks. it's just not a smart thing to do. leave that shit Alone

kira is a hubris trap. the death note is designed to appeal to all the most unstable parts of a person's psyche. it's especially good at targeting one particular vulnerability in humanity, which is that people are generally much worse at considering how they would react in a hypothetical scenario than they think they are. anyone who thinks they could succeed in using the death note, even with a better formulated plan than light yagami, is falling victim to that trap.

yes