#smack shack attack

[fieriframes]

[This is almost like tank-to-table. We go through more lobster than everywhere else and never regained her normal state of mind. Smack Shack attack. You put the "K" in "class," my friend.]

[luxthestrange]

TWST Incorrect quotes#444 COFFEE

When Vil's OB happens...

Ace*Sees that Epel is holding coffee* Is that coffee? I can't believe I'm saying this, but, drink up...

Yuu drinks coffee

Deuce: We may want to stand back...*Putting a confused Kalim and Jamil behind him*

Yuu*finishes drinking, sniffing, smacking lips, then the bells ring, then the horns toot, then flipping around*Caffeine!? Yeah, baby!!! Whoaaaaa!*Is shacking and jumping on the floor*

Ace: Got get 'em, gremlin!*Points to at Vil*

Yuu*the cup spins to Ace, then bounces from tree to tree, running away* HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!?!?

Ace & Deuce*Finally realized what they unleashed* What...have we done...

Kalim & Jamil:...

The Groups hear the screams from the path of chaos you leave in your way

OB Vil: OH SEVENS- WHO GAVE THEM COFFEE!?!-ACK!?*Falls to the ground as You Tackle hug him and start over complimenting his look but lose focus and run around him...only to then start bitting and attack rook*NO CUTE POTATO WE DONT ATTACK-SOMEBODY GET WATER!?

...NEVER...give Yuu...Coffee...that isn't Caffeine free-

[toptierteaser]

The Reason Why You're FAT and What We're Going to Have to Do about it.

A Poem, by TopTierTeaser

It’s the burgers that you’ve been Shake-Shacking,

That have sent your fitness goals backtracking.

All the exercise that you have been lacking,

Which makes you feel like you’ve been backpacking,

When those fat rolls of yours start meatpacking.

All the calories which you’ve been packing,

Like the cupcakes on which you’ve been snacking,

And the pepper your mouth has been jacking,

The donuts your fat face was attacking,

Which has caused your lard ass to start cracking,

Those scales—you fat fuck!—that you’re whacking,

With those pounds your body has been racking.

But the self-control that you’ve been lacking,

And the jogging on which you’ve been slacking,

The binge eating you just can’t start tracking,

That has made your pudge truly nerve-wracking.

Sure! Blame the pancakes the diner’s been stacking,

See how folks run when you start to backing?

No, you don’t cause lately you’ve been blacking,

Out of notice when you start fast-tracking,

Fatty foods you gorge over hopsacking.

Now, I’m certain you’re no longer hacking,

The capacity to go kayaking,

Though, I’m sure you’d be ‘fit’ for linebacking,

A slow player at that, but who’s tracking?

But, if I can’t fix you with my flacking,

Or that fat ass I just can’t stop smacking,

And to stop your compulsive ransacking,

Of the pantries you can’t stop attacking?

I’ll make you take me piggybacking!

[kttycl3p]

what the actual

frick frack, patty wack, snick snack, life hack, ass crack, shoe rack, pitch black, duck quack, box stack, hijack, old shack, big sack, jack jack, racetrack, backpack, shark attack, you lack, I smack, thumbtack

did you say to me ?!?!?!

[bishopknight0517]

Smacking, stomping, clapping

Can’t get caught lacking, can’t be napping

Walking out of the house with the pistol

A Bishop that sold his soul

Blessing those around me, with a prayer

Before dragging them to my lair

Your screams

Muffled by seams

Not everything is as it seems

A nightmare inside of a dream

If you don’t stop moving, trying to escape

I’m going to make you really hate your fate

A pause in the play

Making you wonder, why the wait

A stomp in the gut

“You’re probably thinking, what the fuck!?”

A slap across your face

“Shut the fuck up, that’s just a taste”

A diabolical laugh as I spray your eyes with mace

“I think it works better than being tazed”

Rolling you inside of my trunk

The stench of death causing a foul funk

The phantom of a rotting body

Oddly, they were the same as you

My dick seeking something to get into

I have a knack for finding pussy

So don’t fucking push me

Back at the rickety old shack

Feeling like you might have a heart attack

Finally getting your vision back

Noticing that everything is pitch black

In the woods, no one around

Torturing your ass without making a sound

Another night, another body

Driving away, during the day, feeling like I’m in another body

[broken-clover]

3 for Randy/Zappa please!

"I love this character!" *puts him through the horrors* *puts him through the horrors* *puts

Firmly of the belief that Zappa gets a shitton of possession nightmares and that is very not good when you're in a small shack and sharing a bed.

Slight content warning for mentions of self-harm, nothing really happens but it gets brought up, and panic attacks

-

Slapped right across the face. Wasn’t that the best way to wake up at four in the morning?

Randy would probably still be mad about it in the morning. He was still mad about it now, to be honest, but for all his personal flaws, he knew how to drop a grudge when it only would have made everything worse. Be mad later, deal with the hyperventilating disaster first.

…Alright, maybe ‘disaster’ was too harsh, but he wasn’t referring to Zappa himself, just the mess. When he’d woken up and fallen out of bed, he’d taken almost everything on it with him. It must have made for an impressive shock. He could get why that would involve probably-accidentally smacking his bedmate on the way down. Now their floor was a mess of blankets and pillows, and maybe that would have been kind of funny in any other circumstance.

“Zappa? Hey, hey-”

Making his presence known felt like the best idea, if anything just to avoid getting slapped again. Even after freeing himself from the blanket tangles (with some help) Zappa still breathed like they were wrapped around his neck. Fingers clawed at the nothing constricting his throat until Randy grabbed onto his wrists to keep him from drawing blood with his own scratches.

“Hey! Stop! You’re gonna hurt yourself!”

It didn’t calm him, not in the slightest. Zappa was facing him, but it didn’t feel like he was looking at him, nor right past him. He wasn’t really looking anywhere at all, but wherever that was, he was terrified of it.

“H- h- haaa- !”

“Zappa! Dude, take it easy!” Randy tried not to full-on shout. “You just fell out of bed, you’re fine!”

“Hhhhh- n- nononono!”

It was hard to think of what to say that wouldn’t set him off any more than he already was. “Just- just try to breathe, alright?”

Great, real useful advice, dumbass. No wonder you flunked speech class.

It also became very hypocritical, because he immediately found himself struggling to breathe, too. In some sort of blind panic, Zappa had grabbed onto him with crushing force. Immediately, Randy tried to pry him loose, but the panic-sweat made him slippery.

“Zappa! Zappa!! What the hell are you doing?!”

“Don’t let go don’t let go don’t-” He whimpered into his shoulder. His words slurred together between breaths. “I’mgonnadie-”

“You-” Though not particularly comfortable, he found a way to brace his shoulders that kept his lungs from being squeezed as much. “You’re not dying, man. You’re not. Promise.”

“She’s back, she came back, she-”

”I promise.” He repeated. Truthfully he wasn’t entirely sure who ‘she’ was here, but it didn’t matter. “It’s just us. Nobody’s gonna hurt you. I’ve got you.”

Between the frantic breathing, Randy could make out the start of sobs. With how his arms were pinned, the best he could manage was a gentle pat on the leg, but it would have to do for now. “I’ve got you. I’m here.”

[sianxzi]

what the actual

frick frack, patty wack, snick snack, life hack, ass crack, shoe rack, pitch black, duck quack, box stack, hijack, old shack, big sack, jack jack, racetrack, backpack, shark attack, you lack, I smack, thumbtack

did you say to me

[the-firebird69]

Warriors of the world - Warhammer 40k tribute

Did they say my life is over but it's not over yet and we're going to use it to attack these Max with a big mouse and a huge attitude and crack this nut. I'm going in full force we do appreciate his help and these TS frames are saving everybody just like one size and I'm making tons of them and people are making kids for them and we have engines that are brings and Stratton they're easy to make they're made fast and they go fast is Dad and he are geniuses and they're helping and they're doing what they can him from beyond the grave possibly intact and he does have an army and weaponry ready and that's Arnie and they worked on it and he's a rebel and we're going to help him out and he says I can help out motorcycle guys and to stop dragging ass around in the carpet and take care of it it's only a little bit not everybody and so I'm going to do that that's why he talks to me it's gross I do see what he's saying we can pump these out and we really have to and we're going to start now we have a huge number of them that we can be making and somebody walked by with a message from shack and it looks a little bit odd but it is true and it's about these jeans and it's a specific company and it's made for Shaq it's his company and they fit his particular gigantic posterior. And yes this little kid taught me to speak this way and you got it from Randall text Cobb who got it from Will and Bill and it's horrifying. He did lift the 1200 and we're getting it from some people they said that it was going around and Randall text Cobb had notes and those are grabbed by Mac Daddy after he left and he's got actual pictures of the kid lifting it I want those out and smack daddy says I can't do it you'll have to find the pictures or find Randall text Cobb so I'm going to assemble the teams and remotely if you really demand it and he said it's probably a better idea that they can send to Sergeant in there and I'm going to do that it's probably Clancy Brown but you know some people to bring and he wants Clancy to organize it rescue rangers to go after Randall text Cobb and he is pseudo empire he knows what to do means he wants to button it up

Trump

Olympus

[unravelingwires]

Roose

Viola, who really disliked her name, trampled through the underbrush, following the scent of blood. She had read a lot of Romantic musings on British moors, but in person, they were incredibly disappointing. No wonder they knew so little mercy if this was the best their God could do for them. The blood itself was mostly uninteresting: it was just animal blood, in fact, which was disappointing considering the stories she’d been hearing. As the smell of blood got stronger, Viola began noticing bones embedded into the ground, but even these seemed off. There was no rotting flesh, no chunks of fur, only gleaming white, artfully placed, fully preserved femurs and ribs. There were no skull parts at all.

The shack—because it was undeniably a shack, not a home or a makeshift shelter—was small and dirty, but clearly carefully repaired over time. That in itself was strange. Viola thought she was searching for an extremely young vampire. How had they had the time to rebuilt their house multiple times?

A curtain hang in the place of a proper door, so Viola knocked a little to the side. There was no response. She stepped inside.

Vicyoria was hit, immediately, by the stench of roasted meat and burning hair. She slid to the side to put her back to the wall before jerking back as the shadows in the corner began darkening and creeping towards her. Viola had enough time to survey the room—one room, covered in trinkets, shelf to her left, rapidly dimming light from the windows—before something slammed into her back from above. 

Viola twisted and rolled, drawing her talwar and slicing wildly outwards in one motion. A woman, fanged, clawed, and wearing a torn but modest dress, had landed in a crouched position, almost on all fours.  “I’m not trying to harm you,” Viola said, internally wincing. That might have been more convincing if she hadn’t just attacked the woman with a sword.

The woman just laughed, leaping forward out of her crouched position to claw at Viola’s face. Viola switched sword holds around to smack the woman with the spiked hilt, sending her stumbling back. The woman lunged again, and Viola lazily flicked the sword to block her. Even if she was older than Viola thought, this woman clearly hadn’t picked up any abnormal reflexes or speed. Viola slid backwards enough to get out of range, then sheathed her sword. 

The other woman didn’t calm at the disarming. She moved forwards to strike at Viola’s shoulders, clearly trying to prevent further swordplay. When this didn’t work, she flung herself into the nearest shadow, which obligingly darkened enough that Viola lost track of her.

Viola slid to the center of the room, the shadows lengthening after her but never quite touching. She focused, but all she heard was a whisper on the wind before a hand that grabbed her by the neck and shoved her against a wall.

“Should have kept that sword out,” the woman whispered. She wasn’t as strong as Viola would have expected, but she was strong enough to just begin to crush Viola’s windpipe.

Viola felt her own trademark rising inside her. Even to herself, the outlines of her arms became indistinct and blurry. She felt the weight shift as the woman seemed to become confused before she was unceremoniously dropped to the ground.

“What in—” the woman blinked. Viola took a step to the side, another, and watched as the woman’s gaze failed to follow her.

“Sister,” Viola said as neutrally as she could, “you’re clearly more experienced than we expected. I apologize for my interruption. As you need no initiation, I’ll take my leave.”

“Wait, stop—” the woman called. “I don’t know—initiation?”

Viola blinked, lessening her trademark slightly. “You have been one of us for half a century at least.”

The woman’s gaze snapped to her. “I’m… what?”

“A vampire.” Viola took half a step forward. “When were you turned?”

“I… don’t remember, but it must have been half a century already, perhaps more.”

“Half a century.” The woman was gaunt, now that Viola was really looking at her, and ludicrously pale, like she didn’t drink often enough. She had gentry airs, but barely, like she’d given up on conscious posturing and all that was left was habit. They were in Britannia. “Half a century, and you never met another vampire?”

“I thought I was a witch,” the woman said, voice dazed but focused. “I thought I was…”

“My name is Viola. Victor, if we’re in company.” 

“Cat. Catriona.”

[rubywithin]

Zen Flow Identity 6

(Niko) “I activate Mai’s ability to set a second field and I choose the Frozen Shack one. I then summon a new Snowflake Mage and I will Unity Summon by discarding my three monsters, come forth Tundra Sage Mai”. With her I can keep my two fields in play, “Mai will attack your Stead then attack you directly as she get’s a second attack if I have 2 fields in play”. Sage Mai can keep the fields in play but can’t set a second one herself....setting up her double attack is tough but should pay off! (Penny) “Impressive comeback, we would be tied on lives if you hadn’t forgot to attack on your last turn”. No way....I can’t believe I made such a big error -gulp- it just hit me she can easily return any of the cards on my side of the board to my hand. “I draw and now I will summon Gale Pegasus who removes all effect cards and fields from the board for this turn” this ability isn’t that bad I guess....”Then Pegasus get’s a power boost and I will have them attack your Sage Mai!”.

(Niko) “I activate Frozen Shield from my hand” I can’t afford to lose another strong monster! She put down a second effect card and we could re add our ones removed from her turn. I’m sure she has a card to protect her Pegasus so I could go for two attacks on them but I felt un easy as she could be hoping for me to do that and has a counter card. (Niko) “I summon Ice-Wand Student in the defence line, Mai will attack your Pegasus with one attack and you with the other”. (Penny) “I activate Gale Shield which blocks the attack and returns the attacker to your hand!”. (Niko) “I activate Student’s ability and use up the Frozen Classroom field to freeze Sage Mai for a turn”. This prevents her from leaving the field but it’s at the cost of her second attack! Ugh this is too tough....why did I have to choose a board control player as my first opponent after updating my deck?

(Penny) “If things are too tough you can just give up after all you are punching above your weight beginner”. I felt like calling it a battle....no I can’t so what if I lose I can just re work my deck later. (Niko) “No I will keep going” she looked a bit annoyed then tried to hold her composure! (Penny) “I activate Gale Blast and send your other field to the deck, then Pegasus will attack your Student”. As expected she took out my formation once again.....I drew a card, (Niko) “I activate Ice Evolution to bring out Ice-Mage Tutor use her ability to set an Ice Assembly Field”. (Penny) “Hahahha why would you give up the stronger monster just for a field...” (Niko) “I then use Frozen Evolution to bring out Frozen Staff Mai and set Frozen Shack from the deck. I then activate Revive to bring back Tundra Sage Mai and all 3 attacks will be directed at you!”. I can’t believe I was able to pull off this combo....it was a rough journey but I felt I was able to utilize my deck in the end.

“Thank you for the battle it helped me consider my moves more wisely!” I offered her a handshake but she smacked my hand away. She and a few others left the building....huh I could of sworn one of them was behind me. -Clap clap clap- (???) “Great battle, once you gain more experience I look forward too facing you myself”. I looked over.....I can’t believe it....it was Oguma Lui one of the top ranked players. I guess this means he is the best player in this shop, last time I faced a fire deck i won using my Hikari deck. However I’m sure he would use much more effective tactics.....going up against someone who could return cards to my hand or deck was bad enough. Facing someone who could destroy them with effects would be even tougher, maybe I should calm down on facing tougher players for a bit.

[possibly-in-wonderland]

more highlights of my notes app

pop tarts, sausage egg n cheese buisuit (???)

Synth finds original human them dead. Fo4 concept (still a good concept)

2 tsp of (of what?!)

why the fuck does mt. lady look like glamrock freddy (bc of that one skin in my hero ultra rumble)

cling wrap ballad (the rest of the note is a weird poem, lemme know if i should post it)

Lady Babies, Slut Mothered (band name ideas)

tim curry plays really rich old guy that sits at a mahogaony desk and sips whiskey and loves his globe and old maps who ends up falling heads overs heals for hot young chaotic fox (got high and had an idea)

what the actual frick frack, patty wack, snick snack, life hack, ass crack, shoe rack, pitch black, duck quack, box stack, hijack, old shack, big sack, jack jack, racetrack, backpack, shark attack, you lack, i smack, thumbtack, tic tac, quarter back, big mac did you say to me (i dont even know how to explain this one)

who lives ina pineapple stuck in a tree, spongebob help me, absorbent and yellow and smells like dog pee, spongebob skinned his knee (more stoned thoughts)

happy pill (a poem based on that one ofherbsandaltars video where they took that antidepressant that sent them into a psychotic episode)

After being resurrected in 2022 America, Diogenes has no choice but to follow around a gremlin of a teenager who teeters on the edge of Nihilism and Existentialism. (story idea)

a bunch of wawa orders

some crochet notes

ideas for a song about my grandpa's wack-ass time in prison

divination notes

minecraft coordinates

links to random youtube videos

i was going through my notes app (aka my digital commonplace book) and on top of way too many minecraft coordinates for deleted worlds i found a poem i wrote? anyway:

disgraced by the king angry harlots sing their song give us back our power we'll stomp and sing every hour the babes aren't in danger but it's us you point your finger at one points at me four point back at you are to blame you are to blame

[hiraethhh-h]

Double Cheeked Up

warnings: hornee for pyra, violence, murder, mentions of nsfw

notes: inspired by this lovely photo that my friend took during a custom HSDJKFH

wc: 509

it was another tough match. with dwight being sacrificed, that left you, nea, and meg. luckily there were only two generators left, meaning the match was still manageable, had it not been pyramid head.

you weren’t familiar with the new killer, since he was quite literally new to the entity’s realm. from what you’ve heard from the others, he could send you to a special cage if you walked through something he put in the ground, and he had a bit of a ranged attack that could hit you through walls and pallets. you emerged from the cornfield, creeping around the wooden wall. upon rounding the corner, you spotted the killer shack. your heartbeat began to quicken, blood roaring in your ears. you gripped the flashlight a bit tighter, breaking out into a sprint once you heard a sickening squelch followed by nea’s scream.

you stopped near the window, peering inside through the crooked wooden boards. pyramid head stood over nea, soft, metallic, raspy breathing coming from beneath his helmet. he began to take heavy steps towards the fallen survivor, the ground practically shaking beneath his boots. his metal greatsword dragged behind him, the weapon dipping downwards as he bent down to grab nea by the throat. your eyes widened at the sight of his butcher’s smock quite literally straining against his ass, giving you a perfect view of his bubble butt. you smacked a hand over your mouth to prevent yourself from letting out a squeak of surprise. there was no way you just got a perfect view of pyramid head’s ass, you almost couldn’t believe it. your heart started racing for an entirely different reason, your face flushing tomato red at the thoughts that began to invade your mind.

there was no way you were blushing over pyramid head, but it seemed anything was possible in the entity’s realm.

only when you heard the thud of nea’s lifeless body did you snap out of your stupor. you looked up, pyramid head slowly turning around almost menacingly to face you. despite him not having any eyes on the outside of his helmet, you could feel his gaze burning into you.

the two of you seemingly had a staring contest, the silence breaking when you halfheartedly waved your hand and let out a soft, “nice ass buddy…” you visibly saw the way he tensed, the veins on his arm practically popping out of his skin as his grip tightened around his greatsword. a faint growl-gurgle came from pyramid head as he began to rush towards the window. you shrieked, spinning on your heel and making a beeline for the nearest tile.

you would’ve facepalmed had you not been occupied running pyramid head around. you’ve heard of killers getting upset when your teammates decided to get a little toxic by t-bagging, but never would you have thought you could piss a killer off by complimenting their ass. whatever the reason may be, having an angry pyramid head hot on your heels scared you shitless.

he was not happy at all.

[countrymusiclover]

1 - Shepherd Princess

Part 2

The Charming Sister masterlist

One day my brother David and I were the children of a simple shepherd on a farm. Wanting to marry for love and not for gold and gain of families. Until a mysterious man showed up at our farm asking my brother to slay a dragon. Next thing that happens is we're being addressed as Prince James and Princess Y/n. A maid finished getting me in my night gown and she bowed leaving me alone so I may speak with my brother. Unlocking his door he's staring out the window in thought hearing me close the door behind me. "Father was looking for you at the feast. I'm sure he'll be up here any minute."

He turned around finally noticing me walking over to me as I stood in front of the burning fire for warmth. "I didn't feel like standing there for much longer. You didn't seem to be having much fun either." Shacking my head some hair falls in front of my eyes and he lifts his tucks it back behind my ear. "Every single man in that ball room wanted to dance with me because I'm a princess and the sister of the Charming prince." I mocked a courtesy with an annoying smile. He chuckled with a big smile mentioning how my dancing was. "That may be true which means I need to teach you how to dance better." I gasped hitting him in the chest.

"You're joking. I wasn't that bad, was I?" I asked trying to remember how many of the guys feet I stepped on by accident. David holds his hands out open asking. "How about I try and help you step on less people's toes?" Raising my brows I suggest another option while placing my hand in his. "If you can't teach me let's switch to you teaching me sword fighting." We slowly started doing the movements dancing in front of the fireplace. He goes to spin me out but my left foot slips so he hooks his arms around my waist holding me up. "Girls aren't supposed to play with blades." He points out pulling me back up slowly having us do circles around his chambers. He picked up the movement faster when my right foot accidentally landed hard on his where he winced.

I elbow him in the ribs glaring at my older brother. "We weren't born royals. And if you recall..." Eyeing his sword holder I spun out of his arms grabbing a sword aiming the tip at his throat where he holds his hands up in surrender. "I was better with a toy sword then you were, brother." David suddenly spoke getting an idea in his head. "I just figured out how to help you with dancing." Lowering my blade I give him a confused glance. He pulled out a sword swinging it around as he explains his plan. "You're better at sword fighting than dancing. But they are similar in the movements. You just did a perfect spin out of my arms to grab the sword. So don't think of us as dancing." Tilting my head at my brother I had to admit he had a good idea.

He lifts his sword up and I lifted mine following his instructions and watching his feet. "So when I move left trying to swing at you. What do you do?" He does the move so I swing my sword underneath his going the same direction as he did to block his attack. He then does a spin away from but when he spun around I pressed my blade harshky against that makes him smile instructing me. "Good, you're turn now." I slowly stepped back spinning on my feet then swinging my sword at him. His smacks mine as his chambers door opened and the king walked in. "What the hell are you doing girl. Put that weapon down, men are the only ones who weild it!" He shouted ripping it from my hands.

"King George  - uh father I'm sorry." I stuttered on my words seeing him glare at me for not addressing him as father. He isn't our actual father but to the kingdom he must be. Our actual father left when we were little and the time he was around he was drunk all the time. "You must end this fooliness. It shall be am embarrassing to your new family if I secure this deal." David and I glanced to one another than back at the king. The only deal I was aware of is the one where my brother must marry Princess Abigail. "What deal?" I blurted out not caring if he wanted to slap me in the face. "You're marriage to a nearby prince. He's hosting a ball tomorrow night looking for a bride." Throwing my hands up I cried out not believing this is happening. "You're putting me in am arranged marriage!" He sternly nodded so I ran out of my brother's chambers and down the halls until I found a balcony. He can't be serious.

Leaning over the railing I try to catch my breath feeling tears flowing from my eyes as I clutched the stone railing. Mother always encouraged us to follow our hearts and find love that wasn't for gain. Until the farm started doing badly then everytime she returned from the market she would talk about marriage conversations she had with the potential suitors for David and I. Reaching up I remove a hair clip she had given me before we left the farm. David was given her wedding ring. Brushing my thumbs over the rusted golden pin. It has little blue gems inside of it. She had found it at the market and father bought it when they were younger before we were born and had money. She said it's to always remind me to be hopeful. Footsteps approach and I suck in a breath feeling tears pouring down my cheeks seeing David slowly stepped up wrapping his arms around me. My arms wrapped around his neck with my fingers clutching his tunic for dear life. He buried his head in my hair feeling sorry that he agreed to a deal that would separate us forever.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[maraudersftw]

Break My Heart

Since Retribution is currently with my amazing beta, I thought I’d write a little something for @petalstosarah’s Tuesday Training Prompt: “Go ahead, break my heart, you can break it a thousand times if you so desire. It’s been yours to break since the day we met.”

Read on AO3

“You know, I’m sick and tired of this, Potter!” 

He looked up at the irate tone, hands still caught on the papers he shuffled. “Evening to you too, Evans,” he said. Lily breezed past, all flying red hair and flushed cheeks, and dropped her bag onto an empty chair. “Should I even ask?”

She turned around, hands on her hips. “Well, I’m gonna tell you either way.” James pressed his lips together to hold back the amusement, and leaned on the table with his arms. Once she knew he was paying attention, she nodded. “So, I was walking down from the tower, right? And at least four—count it, four—students stopped to ask me whether I’m shacking up with James Potter, and is it true that he has eight packs under those school robes?” 

He didn’t even bother suppressing the laughter this time, heart pounding as he rounded the desk, crossed his arms. “And what did you tell them?”

“Obviously that they shouldn’t believe in rumours quite so easily,” she huffed, face pink still.

“And?”

“And that they were wrong. You actually have a huge belly that could rival Professor Slughorn’s under there.” She tried to keep her face straight, but he still spotted the barely held twitch of her lips. “Sorry, Potter, I’ve officially turned you unattractive.”

Excitement bubbled, and he pushed off from the table, sauntered closer to her. Lily’s eyes flashed, thrill evident, the green turning something dark. 

Merlin, she drove him mad.

“Good,” James said, reaching out to twirl a strand of red hair between his fingers. Her breath caught somewhere in her clavicle when he pressed closer still. “I don’t much care about what they think. Just as long as you like the belly.”

She half-laughed, half-sighed; a sound he wanted to swallow. The urge to do so was overwhelming, and he was bowing forward, hand pressed into her hip. “James.” She stopped him, eyes on his mouth even as she shook her head. “The prefects will be arriving soon.”

A weight clamped around his chest; the disappointment as familiar as it was unwelcome. He pulled back dutifully, but a look at the longing on her face, mirroring his, had the words tumbling out. “What if I said that I didn’t care about that either?”

Lily started, gaze rising to meet his. “What?” she breathed.

“What if—” he paused, “what if we admitted that the rumours were true? What if I asked you out, for real? Now? No more sneaking around, or making excuses, or trying to...not be loud. I’m tired, Evans. Aren’t you?”

She blushed a little, as he knew she would, but then her lips parted with a blank expression that infuriated him. “I am,” she whispered, “of course, I am, but—”

When her voice halted there, James sighed, the weight on his chest heavier, and expelled a humourless laugh. “But. Hate that word. Go ahead, break my heart—you can break it a thousand times if you so desire.” He waved a hand, took a few steps back. “It’s been yours to break since the day we met.”

Lily frowned, teeth biting down on her lower lip. “Don’t be dramatic, that’s not what I—”

“‘Lo, Evans! Potter!” Cassidy Cooper, sixth-year Ravenclaw, entered the room, effectively putting an end to their conversation. Lily shot her a greeting, but her eyes remained trained on him, looking no less irritated even with an audience in sight. It only got worse when the rest of the prefects pooled in within the next few minutes, and soon, they had no choice but to start the meeting or risk regressing to their fifth-year public debacles.

“Okay, so the patrol schedule will be up on the board by next week, as usual,” James announced about fifteen minutes later. “And really not much else to discuss this week. Does anyone have anything to report?”

A wave of mumbled negations rung out across the room, and then the prefects were leaving.

“Prongs.” Remus stopped in the doorway. “You coming?”

“Actually, he’s not,” Lily replied, not unkindly. Her eyes were narrowed at James. “I have something to discuss with him.”

Remus looked between them curiously, but shrugged and left them alone.

“Okay, look, Evans,” James started when she walked to the door and closed it shut. He waited for her to turn around before continuing. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, and it wasn’t an ultimatum, but I—I mean, you’ve always known what I’ve wanted, haven’t you? I love what we have, but I still—”

“Shut up, shut up,” she snapped, collar flushed, and he was so stunned by the vehemence of her tone that he could do barely more than blink before she crashed into him, lips instantly on his, angry and firm and devouring all thought. 

James staggered only slightly at the attack, but had his arm around her waist the next second, mouth opening to the familiar taste of her, one hand buried in hair smoother than silk. “Merlin,” he groaned against her lips. “Is this you being mad? I knew I loved you being mad.”

“You, tosser!” Lily shoved him away, chest heaving, but he didn’t let her get far. “Break your heart?! What the fuck was that? You’re so stupid. I don’t wanna do that—”

“But?”

She smacked his shoulder, glowering. “No buts! I don’t wanna do that, so I’m not gonna. You just sprung it on me out of nowhere. You gotta give a girl some time to...to…”

“To?” he asked, eyes flitting between both of hers.

“To say yes.”

James felt his heart swell, a grin so wide blooming on his face that he couldn’t even reign in its stupidity. “Say yes to what, Evans?”

She cocked a brow, rolled her eyes, but gave him what he wanted. “I’ll go out with you, Potter.”

“Well.” He leaned down, whispered the words against her neck, “Only fair that we get a secret-snog farewell.”

“Mm, only fair.”

[flor3nces]

live streams | matthew gray gubler x fem!reader

this is sorta long but like not really. i started this at 5 and ended at 7. BYE ASF IVE NEVER TAKEN THAT LONG ON A PIECE. ENJOY READING DARLINGS <333

“matthew! you wanna live stream with me?” i rarely live streamed as i didn’t really know what i was doing but i got the hang of it as i went on. matthew always stayed silent when i did live stream not wanting to give away that we were dating or that we were even hanging out. as far as the fans know we were just friends.

“are you sure? i was just about to go to the living room so i don’t bother you.” matthew wasn’t very ideal with the fans knowing that we were together as some of them can be really rude when they even hear a rumor of matthew possibly dating someone.

“yeah, come on. it’ll just be two friends hanging out and doing a little live stream.”

convincing him was difficult. he kept thinking about how people would figure it out and all that jazz but after a while it worked. i helped set up his area beside me, leaving space in between us so we could move our mouses without bumping our hands.

i notified people on my instagram and twitter that i was going to be doing a live stream with matthew. matthew doing the same. i laughed as he said that he wasn’t going to do so.

“hey guys!” matthew gave a small wave and smiled at his camera. “wait.. what are we playing?”

“oh! i forgot to tell you before we started. we’re playing minecraft!”

i let out a giggle at matthew’s face at the games name. “what is that?”

“a game. i already have it downloaded on your imac.”

“why? i don’t play that game and how did i not notice?”

“because i play it when i use it. you not noticing is so weird because it’s literally right there.” i reach out and point to the bottom of his screen. matthew lets out a small ‘oh’ and pushes me off.

“do you want me to join your realm or do you want to join mine?”

“you can call all the shots. i don’t even know how to play this stupid game.” matthew grumbled as he watched me. i send him a small smile and start a new realm. “don’t i have to like friend you or something?” i shake my head. “nope, i already have you friended.”

matthew nods at my words and looks at his screen. “do i click this?” i nod and he presses the button to join my realm.

i immediately ran over to the trees and started to get some wood. matthew looks at me as if i’ve grown two heads. “uh.. y/n how do i move?” before i can help him he starts pressing random buttons. “no, matthew!”

he ends up clicking a button that allows him to see his skin. “oh! oh, wow! hey, look i’m rumple!” i smile as i remember spending hours working on that skin for him. “i know. i made it for you.”

i lean over and teach him how to move, jump, run, crouch, hit, and mine. the last two things were basically the same thing but it was easier to teach him that way. teaching him how to craft, open his inventory, drop stuff. and scroll on his hot bar was the easiest thing he learned. as i’m doing this matthew says small comments. “matthew, shut up!”

“i didn’t do anything!”

***

“matthew! get out of my house! make your own house!”

this had been an on going battle with him. he wanted to live with me and i insisted that he live alone. “but y/nnnnnn we’d save more space for more builds if you just let me live with you!”

matthew had a way of always getting his way. no matter what is was that he seemed to want, he’d get. i guess it was part of his charm.

“fine-”

i get cut off by matthew cheering and jumping out of his chair to hug me. “but you’re sleeping in your own room not next to me.” his cheering dies down at my words. “what? why not?” he pouts but i refuse to give in. he’s already lving in my house for god sake.

“y/n pleaseeee. i won’t steal your stuff or anything.”

i shake my head and continue building my house making sure to add another room for matthew. he continued to beg as he helped build the house.

“okay! you can sleep next to me! now quit yappin’.”

a huge smile took over his face as his minecraft character made his way over to my room and placed his bed next to me. i couldn’t help but smile at him as he did a little happy dance.

***

“y/n i swear to god if you take that dog.”

“you’ll what? there are other dogs around gube! this is my dog, i found it first!”

“no! the others ran away you go find them. i refuse to run around to find them when one is right in front of my face.”

i smirk as i start to give the dog bones. matthew catches on and tries to give her bones but fails. hearts go above the dogs head after i gave her three bones. “ha!”

matthew hits me and my dog starts to attack him. “what the fuck? y/n help me!” a loud laugh rumbles through my body as i sit her down. “guess you better run and go find those other dogs before she kills you.”

he turns to me and pokes my side. i smack his hand away not taking my eyes of the screen as i was trying to get my dog back home safely. matthew turns back to his screen and starts his “quest” as he called it to find the other dogs that ran off.

***

we’ve been on the live stream for a good three hours and matthew was starting to get the hang of it and so far we haven’t had any slips ups on us dating.

in those three hours we had found diamonds, made a farm for both crops and animals, made a roller coaster, tried to make a small cafe but gave up and just made a fishing shack. we were now going to the nether.

“gube, are you sure about going to the nether? this is literally the first time you’ve ever played this game.”

“yeah but i’m basically a god at this game now.”

“oh please. you’ve died at least a hundred times.”

“nuh uh! you are such a liar! don’t lie to the people.” matthew winks at the camera and i roll my eyes. “you can be such a boy sometimes.”

i grab some food, my bucket filled with water and three extra buckets, and my bow along with some arrows.

“can i light it?”

“be my guest.”

matthew takes out his flint and steel and lights the portal. “woah, it’s so pretty.” he stares at the now purple portal in awe. i jump in and the nether starts to generate. “wait till you see the actual nether.”

he doesn’t say anything when we’re in the nether and i start to think he thinks it’s ugly. “um.. matthew? you good?” he doesn’t respond as he just keeps looking around. it wasn’t until i punched him in the shoulder that he snapped out of his trance.

“what?”

“you alright?”

“yeah, yeah. it’s just so beautiful. almost as beautiful as you.”

i snort at his cheesiness and start to walk around.

things were doing just fine until a ghast found us while we were making our way towards the nether fortress. both matthew and i screamed as the ghast made a noise. it shot at us. luckily, we had made a small platform before entering the nether fortress.

“how do i shoot it back?!”

“hit it back with your sword!”

it knocked down matthew. “oh my god! babe, i’m gonna die!”

i didn’t even notice that matthew had called me babe while we were live as i was trying not to die. “i died lol.”

a laugh came out of my mouth as matthew said lol. “oh! i killed it! my love, you better get your ass back here right now!”

i start to mine down and run over to where i saw a ghast tear fall. “look! i got a ghast tear!” matthew’s character came running up behind me. “you want it?”

“no, you killed it. plus, i don’t want a memory of that stupid thing. it killed me for no reason!”

“it’s a mob.. it doesn’t need to have a reason to attack you.” matthew lets out a whatever under his breath and starts to make his way back to the nether fortress.

***

“okay guys thanks for watching!”

“yeah, she really appreciates it when you guys tune in and watch her die half the time.”

“matthew! i didn’t die as much as you did and we only played for like three fucking hours!”

i read some of the comments that were popping up. some of them were ‘bye’s’ and the rest were just freaking out that we were dating. my eyes widen a bit at the comments until i realized that matthew had called me babe and i had said my love when the ghast was attacking us.

“gube... cats out of the bag.”

he looks at me for a second before looking at comments and scanning through them. “well, looks like i can kiss you on camera now.” my laugh gets swallowed by matthew as he presses his lips to mine.

“okay. bye guys! have a good night!”

“byeee!”

i click off the stream and turn to matthew. “i thought you didn’t want our relationship to get out?” a smirk comes across my face. “yeah, but there was no way on backing out on that one.”

“you’re not mad?”

“what? of course not! why would i be? i finally get to show you off, though i did want to keep you to myself a little longer but it’s cool.”

i smile at his words and kiss him again. “i’m going to make coffee. can we watch charlie and the chocolate factory?”

“hm. whatever you want princess.”

i press a small kiss to his nose before running off to get the pot started. 

[inkyvendingmachine]

BATIM Cthulhu AU: Season 1 Episode 7

✨Call of Cthulhu Season One Masterpost ✨ 💀 Call of Cthulhu: Haunted Hijinx Masterpost 💀

Warning: This campaign is an edited version of Call of Cthulhu: The Burning Stars scenario. While a lot has been changed, there IS spoilers for it throughout these posts.

i cannot decide on a single quote this time so, here’s just. here’s whatever is happening here. and a whole nother summary cause I GUESS IM JUST COMMITING TO THE SUMMARY LIFESTYLE NOW, SORRY ABOUT IT ALL BEING SO HECKIN LONG

OH ALSO I made a master post, so I can just link one thing instead of all the bits. It’s also sorted out to be in order by session!! since the tag isn’t like that due to the fact none of us keep a consistent posting schedule for this content lmao.

- so after important kisses and rejoicing, the jds crew decides to scramble before the potionmaker lady wakes up, since Gold Text says that “she” is going to kill us and we’d rather not like, wait around to confirm it’s her versus someone else.

- bendy lurker son boy has disappeared in the laundry room, though we quickly find him hiding to playfully pounce at us. Joey grabs him like a child and we skadoo out of there. (at some point Henry might have tried to take him from Joey but Joey just walked a lil faster cause he was enjoying carrying son boy too much.)

- decide that visiting the starpools and trying to rescue tom is best course of action, since we’re not sure if the lurker needs to be there or not and also we have no idea when Tom is gonna like... get sacrificed. So might as well get that settled first. Also the graveyard is pretty nearby, versus the hotel across town that’s hard to reach at 2am when no cabs are out and about.

- sneak up there just fine, nobody has been strapped to a monolith and carved open yet that’s great. the decision is made that 1. it’d be good to keep the amulet away from any cultists and hidden (so sammy takes it and puts it under his shirt, buttoning it up for the first time in forever (sad internal joey noises)) and since Henry is now the “host” he should probably not be crossing paths with cultists. So they’re gonna hide in the bushes with the Lurker Son Boy while Joey tries to sneak in and find Tom.

- This actually ends up being quite easy, cause he just checks where they were holding ‘joey’ last time they were up there and sure enough that is the ‘prisoner’ shack, and Tom is fast asleep in there and has a broken arm, but doesn’t seem to be chained down. aLSO there’s far less guards and cultists around wONDER WHY,

- Joey tries to sneakily way Tom up, to which instead he gets decked across the face. There’s a bit of snappish arguing where Joey offers to leave Tom behind if he’d like to get his full beauty sleep and, yeah okay fine lets escape. Joey gives a terrible summery of things that have happened to ally the Lurker with them (tom please do not attack it or this will all have been for nothing,) while they wait for a opportunity to sneak. (meanwhile Henry has started to scribble again and Sammy makes half an attempt to understand why)

- While sneaking out, Joey does fine but Tom manages to make noise and get everyone in the clearing to notice them. Quickly Joey grabs Tom’s less broken arm, angrily muttering about how he keeps messing everything up and runs off into the jungle, taking the same exact path they took the last time they were running off with the amulet. This is both cause he actually knows this path, and because he didn’t want to run a buncha cultists smack into the rest of the group who are hiding for a rEASON,

- Though when they hear the commotion, Henry and Sammy ask if the Lurker would like to go “do his distraction” again. He happily bounds off once returned to full size and entertains himself with swatting Cultists around. (Sammy and Henry make the mistake of going to check on the scene to see if they can find Joey and Tom, and uh. nope, just a whole lotta gorep,) ((Sammy did make sure to hide the lurker-controlling amulet first, which means he finally buttoned up his shirt.)) (((sad gay joey noises in the distance)))

- Meanwhile Joey manages to put enough of a distance between him and the one Cultist that has kept up that he can quickly shove and hide Tom in some bushes, before hiding behind a tree himself and preparing his gun. When the cultist rounds the corner, he steps out and shoots them in the shoulder, the only way he really knows how to deal with the problem right now and let Sammy and Henry know where they are located currently.

- (they do indeed hear it, and since the lurker seems to have things covered, so Henry and Sammy run off into the jungle to find Joey)

- The cultist runs up and manages to slash at Joey’s leg with a sword while he tried to swing a punch at them. Joey staggers, regains his composure for a single moment, then uses the fact that the cultist is rIGHT in front of him to push himself forwards into the cultist and shoot him point blank into the chest. The cultist falls over, revealing Tom mid ready to assist with a stick, which is no longer needed. Joey collapses.

- Sammy and Henry managed to find them rather soon after, finding Tom standing semi panicked over a wreathing Joey on the ground, who, despite not having an actual major wound, is acting like someone just sawed off his leg due to not being used to this kind of pain. The two take a moment to make sure the area is clear before going to see if they can help the Joey Problem. Henry starts trying to bandage up his leg with the ex-cultists shirt. Sammy’s just muttering insults at Joey (but it’s clear that he’s actually really worried.) Joey is not responding to either of them, he’s just trying to not scream cause he is aware enough to know not to do that.

- Henry mentally pokes the lurker (ARE YA WINNING SON?) to check in while he works on Joey. The Lurker is doing alright, so Henry offers him that he can either keep doing whatever he enjoys doing up there, or he can come along with them if he wants. tURNS OUT?? THE LURKER LIGHTS UP EXCITEDLY AT ‘COME ALONG’ (this is the start of murder) sO HE’S ON HIS WAY NOW

- Meanwhile, while everyone is distracted with Sammy trying to explain to Tom what the Lurker is, and Henry communicating while bandaging the one leg, Joey reaches over and grabs a knife off the murdered cultist and tries to cut his other leg open?!?? Henry grabs the knife out of his hand and puts to down, goes back to bandaging. Joey stupidly goes for it again, and this time Sammy steps in, grabs the knife from him, and asks Tom to help hold him down since sOMETHING IS CLEARLY WRONG WITH HIM,

- Meanwhile Henry is playing marco-polo with the lurker,

- Tom finally hears the Lurker approaching and freaks out at Henry, wHAT ARE YOU DOING THATS THE MONSTER?? OH IT’S HERE NOW?! BACKS AWAY VERY SLOWLY... Sammy you’re on duty for Joey watching now, and also communicating to the Lurker that Tom is friend not harm.

- It’s agreed upon that we should probably get out of here due to Joey being a lITTLE CRAZY rn, the Lurker offers to piggyback carry Joey, a thing it learned from being on Henry’s shoulders before!! ( ALL THE PLAYERS HAVE BEEN MURDERED ) Sammy picks up Joey and helps get him onto the Lurker’s back ( Joey has gone into tuned out mode and is just rag-dolling now as he Has An Episode ) Joey gets to ride piggyback on giant ink bendy like creature isn’t that gr9

- (also we find out the lurker is a little goopy since it probably jumped in one of the starpools while it was throwing cultists around. wHICH IS ALSO MURDEROUS, ARE U TELLING US THE LURKER IS LIKE A PUPPY THAT RUNS INTO A PUDDLE THE MOMENT YOU LOOK AWAY,)

- while walking back down to the graveyard, Tom asks about getting to a hospital. As we debate what the best course of action is (and Joey absolutely refuses to go to a hospital himself,) we get to the edge of the jungle, and Joey finally asks to be back on his own feet. Once down, he takes off his jacket, struggles to rip it cause it’s a good jacket, throws it to the ground, then takes off the bandage Henry made out of the shirt, rips that into two pieces and ties up both of his legs the same way. (Sammy helps him up and also continues supporting him. gaaaaaayyyy )

- When joey tosses his jacket out of anger, the stone pops out! Lurker is interested in it, they all think that they don’t need it so SURE BOY you can have it. lURKER EATS IT??? UHH OKAY GLAD YOU’RE ENJOYING SNACC

- We ask the Lurker if he’s interested in being small again, and he nods, so Joey and Henry assist in turning him back into a Bendy. This time it’s a lot easier and he kinda just pops into proper shape?!? but is up in the air, Henry tRIES to catch him but misses (maybe because he’s extremely tired) and BendyLurker makes a squeaky noise when he bounces, gives a thumbs up. (we’re all being murdered, constantly)

- As we go to leave, notice that Team Gun Runners is hanging out searching the cemetery that we entered through. Joey insists that he has an idea of how to get around them, and sends Tom, Henry and SonBoiBendy to go out the back and try to get a cab. He asks Sammy if he’d like to assist him, and Sammy freezes, caught between yes he DOES wanna go with them cause uhhh bendylurkersonboi he kinda worships now is in that party, but doesn’t want to leave Joey stumbling around on his own. Joey takes Sammy’s hesitation as an answer, pushes off of him, grabs his jacket and starts walking towards the group, not wanting wait long enough for them to find the group. 

- Henry asks Sammy about his feelings, Sammy does not answer, and they all skadoos out the back of the cemetery.

- The group notices Joey, who is doing his best to look completely normal. They started questioning him about what he’s doing there, if he’s seen anyone else?? Joey ignores their questions and brings up, hey, I have a feeling you’re looking for this (THE INVOICE THAT WAS GRABBED EARLIER AND I’VE BEEN CARRYING THIS WHOLE TIME) which I got off the Gent people, who we will not be working with anymore cause they made these arrangements behind our backs, and you can have it if you leave us alone! 

- ... the gun runners extremely accept this and scurry off. Joey tiredly and in lot of pain, manages to make it to the front gate himself and start walking around the side, finds his group struggling to call a cab. Maybe because Sammy is still wearing a bendy mask over his face, and they have a moving cartoon character on Henry’s shoulders??? Or maybe it was Sammy’s awful French,

- Joey manages to make it over to them, calls Tom a cab, tells him about where the tickets are kept and what to do, Tom tries to be uhh, grateful for being rescued? Joey just takes his gun back (and the sword but they’re not carrying that around, just Tom shouldn’t take it to a hospital) tells him to get out of his sight and sends him off to a hospital. Gets Sammy to take off the mask and the Lurker to play the fun game of “pretend you’re a stuffed animal”, gets a cab to the place Dr. Northeast is staying.

- We all grab very large and strong coffees and a little breakfast before heading up to the room. Dr. Northeast has been apparently up all night as well, studying, and Joey immediately forgets about his food and starts helping. Sammy and Henry hang with the LurkerBendySon while eating their food, making sure Henry stays awake...

- Sammy also gets to have a personal conversation with the BendyLurkerSonBoi, who wants to know... why we’re so bent on not sacrificing ourselves to the eldritch horror he serves? Less because he thinks they should now and more because... he’s never known it to go any other way. So maybe he wants to know if it can... and when asked, he admits he’s more interested in being more than just the jungle monster that swats people into starpools.

- uh oh, the final nail has been struck. our original plan has been completely destroyed because nONE OF US WANT TO OFFER THE LURKER BACK TO THE MESSANGER NOW TO BREAK THE CURSE OR WHATEVER. WE WANNA KEEP HIM. SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA OFFER. UHHHHHH TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE US ALL DIE CAUSE WE REFUSED TO GIVE UP OUR SON BOI,

–> Episode 8

✨Call of Cthulhu Season One Masterpost ✨ 💀 Call of Cthulhu: Haunted Hijinx Masterpost 💀