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angstsfordays · 4 years ago

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Beautiful Pain (8)

Chapter Eight- It Starts Today

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced! Reader

Summary: Post-Blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the Blip.

Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.

That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-Blip world.

Chapter synopsis: You aren’t sure how to move on from the aftermath of Latvia. Was it time for you to confront your feelings for Bucky or would you retreat back, pretending as if nothing ever happened?

Warnings: Fluffiness. Slow-burn but we're getting there! Perhaps some tear-inducing moments! 😭

Word count: 61k

Notes: Hi! I’m back after my assignment submission. Currently on a short break before an exam is due in 2 weeks. Ever since the series ended, not gonna lie I was a little unmotivated to write. However, I didn’t want to let down all those who have supported this series so far.

Hope you enjoy this chapter! 🥰 Btw, I legit bawled my eyes writing the last part! 🥲

Please give support by leaving likes, comments or helping to reblogs! Thank you! 🙏🏼

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“I’m surprised you’re still here. Figured you would be resting at home after what had happened.” Melissa, the manager of the social service centre you work for came by your desk.

“Sorry, I took urgent leave.” Looking up from the backlog of paperwork that had accumulated, you gave a sheepish smile at how much you had to get done. Melissa leaned her weight on the side of your desk and glanced down to your tired eyes.

“It’s fine, Y/N. But I don’t know if diving back into work is really the best for you now. ” You closed your eyes and let out a heavy sigh. Pinching the bridge of your nose, your eyes opened to see Melissa looking down at you in concern.

You were grateful for her check-in. Despite your so-called Avengers status, she never treated you like you were special. You still recalled the day where you stepped into her office for an interview for an open position on her team. The shell-shocked expression she had when she recognised who had decided to show up for a job interview in her office on a Tuesday morning was priceless.

“I don’t understand. Why would you be applying for a regular job here? I would expect you to continue your superhero career?”

Melissa asked with a hint of doubt before looking through your resume. Tactical negotiation skills do seem like an asset they could really use here in social work….

“There’s no more Avengers now…. Besides, I’m tired of fighting and I’m ready to do something else. I like to believe the real heroic work lies in our community.”

Your response took Melissa by surprise, in a good way of course. There was no hint of superiority that you exuded. What she saw in front of her was a woman who seemed earnest to do good work for her community.

“Any other things you would like to add on to show how you can contribute to the team?” Melissa looked at you in a renewed light and she inwardly smiled at the sight of you deep in thought to find an interesting response like any other nervous interviewee.

“I’m basically a human heater. I could step up to help if the electrical heater is not working in the winter?” The expression you had on your face after giving your reply made Melissa chuckled out loud. You inwardly cringed at your seemingly lame response but eased up when you see Melissa breaking out into a laugh.

“Perfect. Welcome to the team, Y/N.” Melissa extended her hand towards you and yours eagerly reached out to return the gesture.

Working with the social service centre here in New York had been great. You had finally found renewed passion in your life after the events of the Blip and the loss of your friends.

Everyone at the office made up a close-knitted family-like working environment and it was an added bonus that Melissa was an amazing boss too and became an unexpected confidant of yours. You felt like you finally found your place once again.

“Work keeps my mind busy. I much rather be busy than being left alone to my thoughts.” You were referring to your own overthinking with the whole Bucky situation. It had only been a few days since you returned back from Latvia, but it felt painfully long.

Melissa looked over you once more in concern. She knew that you were more than willing to share your thoughts openly with her as you two have established a close friendship outside of work for the past few months. However, she knew that they were still some things that you kept to yourself in private.

While you always maintained an optimistic front, she knew that you were only human and susceptible to darker and deeper emotions especially after all you had been through.

“Hey, Joey is making a coffee run at that new coffee place around the block. They’re having a 1 for 1 coffee deal today. You want your usual?” Nodding gratefully, Melissa gave your shoulder a light squeeze before moving off.

You swivelled your office chair back to face your laptop. The words on the screen didn’t seem to focus as your mind was clouded with the recollection of what had happened after witnessing John did the unthinkable.

What he did back in Latvia had become international news the very same day, the amount of scrutiny and support for him were head-to-head on the internet. The news on television ever since you returned home had been covering it day and night. As you recalled back the order of events that happened back in Latvia, you could feel an invisible weight in your mind and heart.

Sam and Bucky went to find John while you tried to manage the aftermath of everything that had happened. You helped to settle things with Lemar and assisted in the reports that had to be accounted back to the authorities back in the states.

When Sam and Bucky returned back to find you, they filled you in on what happened and you learnt that they had to forcibly take back the shield from John. It was too dangerous to even let John have the shield anymore, given what he had done to Nico. You were sure that it must not have been an easy fight as you recalled the bruises on each man’s face.

The three of you had another meeting once everything was settled. You were disgruntled to learn that Karli and her group were once again on the run and you were all sure that she would now make sure that she’s impossible to be found.

Looking back and forth between your two boys who found themselves at a standstill, you quietly figured that this was the end of the mission regarding Karli. Even if it was for a brief moment, you felt happy to have worked with them. It almost felt like a sense of normalcy as you worked as a team again.

The reality was that you knew Sam and Bucky still had a strict working relationship and you ever wondered if there was a chance for all three of you to work together again as the Avengers. Preparing yourself for the disappointment, you silently watched as your boys exchanged silent looks once more.

“I guess this is goodbye.” You first spoke up amidst the silence. Both men looked up in surprise when you decided to voice out the reality of the situation. You walked over to Sam to give him a goodbye hug and lingered for a moment as he gave you a couple of pats on your back.

“You take care, alright? You know you can reach out to me anytime.” Sam assured you to which you returned a grateful smile.

“Of course, see you soon hopefully.”

As you pulled away from Sam, you turned to see Bucky standing with an unreadable expression on his face. Walking gingerly towards him, you wiped off the non-existent palm sweat on the side of your pants as your heartbeat started to pick up.

“Hey.” It was just one word but you felt yourself choking to utter it out. You weren’t sure how to face Bucky especially from whatever happened back with Karli.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to address the elephant in the room but you figured that you could brush it under the rug if it didn’t seem like Bucky was intending to talk about it too. There was a brief awkward silence before you decided to break it.

“I know you still have unfinished business” Bucky’s eyes glanced off to the side and then to the ground before they met yours. Bucky was not surprised that you understood him so well. Yes, he had unfinished business with Zemo and he needed to follow through with it.

However, he also wanted to badly talk things out with you. Many revelations had come to light unexpectedly from one event to another and he wanted clarity.

“You wanna come?” Giving a brief smile at his invite, you considered it for a brief second. After everything that happened from Germany to Madripoor and to Latvia, you believed you needed to take a step back.

You would have never thought that your deep-seated feelings for Bucky would ever come to light, and it was in the worst-case scenario imagined.

What should have been a private and intimate revelation had turned out otherwise. Karli had inadvertently outed you and you were forced to confront your feelings for Bucky before you were even ready.

As much you wanted to talk things out with Bucky, it was not the right timing. Not with Zemo still out there roaming freely. Unfortunately, work needed to come first in this situation and you had to let it take priority over your heart.

Immediately as you shook your head, you could see the puzzled expression painted on Bucky’s face. He did not expect your response as he figured you would have been more than willing to accompany him.

“You don’t need me, Buck.” You were wrong, Bucky thought. Yes, he could handle Zemo on his own but he wanted nothing more than to have you by his side especially since he had learnt of your deeper feelings for him. He didn’t want to let you leave just yet.

Wrapping your arms behind his neck, you pulled Bucky slightly down in an embrace before placing a short peck on his lips. “See you around, Buck.”

“Change of plans, Sam. Mind if I head back with you?” Seeing you turning your back to walk back to Sam, Bucky could feel a sense of disappointment and hurt washing over him. Tuning out Torres’ comments, Bucky stalked out of the door.

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It was not difficult to figure out where Zemo would have escaped to. As the memorial statue to commemorate those who had fallen in the events of Ultron came into sight, Bucky’s fingers clenched tighter around the gun he had been holding.

“I thought you would be here sooner. Don’t worry, I’ve decided I’m not going to kill you-” Zemo could see Bucky in his peripheral line of sight.

“Imagine my relief.” Bucky returned sarcastically. Zemo turned to meet Bucky before he continued to speak.

“Or your pretty friend.” A small smirk formed on Zemo’s face as he sees Bucky clicked the gun in his hand with a hardened look.

“You touch her and I would end you right here.” It was almost satisfying to get a rile out of Bucky and Zemo knew you were his weak point.

He scoffed at how it was clear as day to everyone that you two had something deeper beyond friendship or camaraderie. And yet, the two of you chose to never address it.

Zemo then went on to talk about how Karli was beyond redemption and that warning Sam had been a futile attempt. He believed Bucky had the will to actually do what’s necessary, given that he was indeed programmed to kill.

Bucky was seething with silent rage. He was not a killer anymore. Zemo’s mere insinuation only served to remind him how people never changed their perspective on him. Bucky responded that he would figure out a way that didn’t pander to Zemo’s drastic methods.

Raising his right arm, the gun was pointed towards Zemo. The rush of emotions overcame Bucky as he thought about how Zemo made his life hell, accusing him of a crime he didn’t commit.

Despite some truths to his words, Zemo was relentless and pragmatic in achieving his goals and he was deemed too dangerous to be left unattended.

Gripping the gun tightly, Bucky cocked back the trigger and let it go. Zemo accepted his fate, knowing he had done Bucky wrong. The sound that followed next was not as deafening as the silence that followed next. Zemo then realised Bucky had indeed managed to move on from his past and did not succumb to his darker desires to kill him.

Bucky watched on as the Dora Milajae came to escort Zemo, with plans to take him to the raft where he would face imprisonment for the rest of his life.

Ayo came up to Bucky’s and advised him that it would be best if he avoids coming back to Wakanda for the time being. Bucky agreed that it was fair.

“Give my regards to Y/N.” Bucky nodded once more at Ayo’s words, however, the masked expression on his face did not go unnoticed by the Dora Milajae’s second in command.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No, uhm-nothing. It’s fine.” Ayo gave Bucky a knowing glance before bidding him goodbye.

“Hey, I might have another favour to ask of you.”

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Sam: How have you been doing?

Y/N: Alright…I’m busy with work. :)

Sam: Have you spoken with Bucky?

Y/N: Not really, I know he’s probably finishing up business in Sokovia.

Sam: Shouldn’t he be back home by now?

Y/N: To be honest, I’m not sure. I haven’t reached out and he didn’t contact me either.

Sam: Hey, are you alright?

Y/N: Honestly….no…I thought I could distract myself with work but my mind has never been rested ever since Latvia.

Y/N: I don’t know how to face him after what went down. Just wanna bury me in a deep hole or maybe get snapped again. Hmmm….

Sam: Girl, have you gone mad?

Y/N: Maybe

Sam: Hey, why not come over to my place for the weekend? You can finally meet Sarah and the boys.

Y/N: Oh no, Sam. I could never intrude.

Sam: What are you talking about? I invited you!

Y/N: ……….

Sam: Come on! Hey, you ever been on a fishing boat before?

Y/N: Not that I could recall of….

Sam: Then that’s perfect! Come check out my family’s boat, although it’s not in the best shape. Been trying to spruce it up and get it back to its former glory….

Y/N: Alright, dad.

Sam: Hey, watch your manners.

Y/N: HAHAHA ;) See you soon!

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You were pumped to head down to Sam’s hometown for the weekend. It was long overdue after hearing about them so much.

Adjusting the strap of your duffle bag, you gingerly walked to the front door and gave a few knocks. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ears, you fidgeted on your toes, hoping that you would be able to make a good first impression.

When the door opened, your eyes first looked to see no one until you averted them down. You saw a young boy with glasses looking up at you with curious eyes. Mustering your best smile, you let out a warm greeting. “Hi!”

“Who’s that AJ?” You heard a woman’s voice calling after the boy in front of you.

“Mum, there’s an Avenger at the door!” The boy hollered back before running back into the house. You weren’t sure what to do next so you remained where you stood. Within a matter of seconds, the woman you had heard about so much appeared right in front of your sight.

“Oh, hi! You must be Y/N.”

“Er-yes, I am!” You returned enthusiastically and Sarah, as she introduced herself ushered you into the door. Your eyes roamed around the homey and cosy décor that filled the Wilson home.

“I didn’t expect you to show up so early! Have you eaten?” Nodding in response, Sarah pointed out to where you could put your bag down and went back to hustling in the kitchen. You told her you already had a quick bite before coming over and she looked at you with a pleasing smile.

“Sam’s actually at the dock right now,” Sarah informed you and you blanched at the thought of being by yourself without Sam to be a buffer for your first meeting with his family. However, your worries were for nothing as Sarah welcomed you warmly.

“Don’t worry, you can join me, I’m heading over too.” Her friendly demeanour eased your initial nervousness and you nodded eagerly in response.

As you and Sarah made your way over to the docks, the two of you fell into easy conversation. You learnt from her that she was struggling to keep the family business afloat and how they couldn’t even manage to get a loan from the bank.

Nevertheless, Sam was determined and managed to call in favours from their close-knitted community to chip in some help. A sudden wave of guilt washed over you when you realised that Sam had been facing real problems of his own and that you weren’t aware of it to help.

You had wished that you had been a better friend. Being the kind soul she was, Sarah dismissed your negative thoughts and reassured you that it was alright. From what Sam had spoken of you, she was eager to meet you herself.

“Sam says you always have his back when you are all out there in all the action.”

“Of course, we are a team. Sam’s a great person so it’s not hard to be there for him when he needs it.” Hearing your answer had Sarah throw a grateful smile your way. She was glad that Sam had someone he could trust while he’s out fighting the threats of the world.

As you two approached a medium-sized boat, you could make out the figure of Sam from a distance. You were excited to run up to greet him but it was the second figure on the boat that you stopped in your tracks.

A high-pitch whistle suddenly burst into your eardrums and you realised one of the pipes from the boat was loose. You saw Bucky heading down to help Sam and you gulped nervously as you continued to watch the scene happening in front of you.

You were definitely not expecting to see Bucky here in Louisiana. Why was he even here? Your eyes moved to see Sarah moving closer to where the men stood and Bucky introduced himself with a charming smile.

Sarah returned his greeting politely and looked over to Sam. “Hey, Sam! Look who I brought.”

Back turned, you were hoping to escape unnoticed, yet you were too slow as you heard Sam calling out for you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Slowly turning your back, you were greeted by the sight of Sam and Bucky looking with equally confused expressions on their faces.

Not knowing what to say, your eyes blinked far more than times than normal as you tried to straighten up and looked convincing. “Toilet?” You muttered out hesitantly. Sam was not convinced at all as one of his brows was raised in question.

“You came all the way to my hometown, the least you could do is say hi first.” Grimacing and giving a sorry look, you made your way to the boat and Sam helped you down.

“Hey, Sam. Thanks for inviting me.” You spoke as you gave him a hug in greeting. Bucky was surprised, to say the least. He was only stopping by to drop a package for Sam but he never expected to see you here.

He had trouble reaching out to you, crafting messages every other hour and deleting them before deciding to not contact you at all. He was wondering if you were still mad at him from when he last saw you in Latvia.

“Wait, what are you doing here, Y/N?”

“Sam invited me to come to stay with his family for the weekend, like a getaway.” Meeting Bucky’s bright eyes always did something to your guts. Your breath hitched at how he could so simply beautiful with the sea view set against his back.

“Or more like I want to introduce you to my family and planned a surprise proposal so that we can be engaged by the end of the week.” Sam’s arm landed with a slight thud around your shoulders. You turned to see him wiggling his brows and donning a mischievous smile.

Eyes widening once you processed his words, you can’t help a chuckle as you knew that Sam was trying to crack a witty joke to mess with Bucky. Bucky looked like he was about to actually combust and kill Sam with his fiercest glare.

“Oh Sam, what a way to ruin the surprise. I expected you to be more romantic.” You quipped back to play along to his shenanigans. Sam ruffled your hair endearingly before looking to Bucky who didn’t seem one bit amused.

“Woah, I’m just kidding. Would you look at his face? Man, I got you good.” A wide smile broke out on Sam’s face before he started cackling.

“That’s not funny.” Buck look to the side and gave out a short sigh of relief. He looked back at you with an unreadable expression. Sensing the tension in the atmosphere, Sam believed it was time to leave you two alone.

“Remember to thank me later,” Sam whispered into your ear before giving you a pat on your shoulder. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you looked at him walking off to the other end of the boat.

Bucky still continued to stand at his spot and you took the first step towards him. He was still silent and giving you an infamous brooding stare. Bringing two fingers to the corner of his lips, you gently lifted each side up to force Bucky into a smile.

“You are going to look physically 106 for real if you continue to frown like that.” You teased Bucky in hopes that he could ease up.

“Blame Sam.” He huffed like a little child who got nagged by his mother.

“Sam was just joking. You know that.” You removed your fingers from his cheeks and Bucky immediately missed the touch that you gave.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Give me a smile.” Seeing your doe eyes looking at him adorably, Bucky felt his icy exterior melting. Pretending to clear his throat, he looked to the side before facing you with a tight but warm smile. His smile widened when he saw you returning a big grin.

For a moment, it didn’t feel like what happened in Latvia had crossed both of your minds. It was just back to the way things had been before. It was safe and comfortable. But was it what you really wanted?

Were you just going to ignore your feelings for Bucky forever?

“Are you two continuing to get lost in each other’s eyes?” Sam’s holler snapped you and Bucky out of your moment. The two of you awkwardly shifted before heading over to where Sam was. You both offered to help Sam on his family boat to speed things up.

It was a truly therapeutic afternoon for all three of you. Free from the world fighting and just hanging out as a bunch of friends (more so of your thought than the boys). The entire time, Bucky was subtlety (or not) flexing his strength as he took charge of most of the heavy work.

You could see the impressive looks from some of the community members that walked past and you smirked at how Bucky was trying his best to look unbothered from the attention.

“My welding machine is broken when I managed to find it, sorry Sam.” One of the elders stopped by the boat to tell Sam and he reassured that it was fine. However, you could still see his worried expression.

“I guess it’s time for me to step up.” You exclaimed while putting down the sanding paper in your hands. You asked Sam to guide you to what needed to be welded together. Extending two fingers together to mimic a gun, you gathered flame-like energy and started to weld the pieces of metal together like it was nothing.

You didn’t realise you had attracted a small crowd as everyone gathered to see the woman who was shooting fire out of her fingertips. “That’s so cool!” A young boy yelled in excitement as he jumped up and down.

Once you’re done, you looked to see the several kids clapping fervently. You gave your best smile and threw in a two-finger salute their way.

“Seems like you have fans now,” Bucky remarked to which you smirked coyly. “What are you talking about? I always have fans.”

After everything was done for the day, Sam brought you all some cold beer to end things right. Clinking your bottles, you took a seat beside Sam as Bucky talked about how he needed to get a hotel for the night before catching his flight out tomorrow.

As he spoke, he looked over to you with an expecting look before he took another gulp of beer. Sam scoffed before convincing Bucky to stay for the night with his family. Bucky still awkwardly shifted as he tried to decline the offer.

You felt a slight jab in your waist and turned to see Sam nodding over to Bucky.

“Come on Bucky, I’m also imposing here too. Don’t leave me by myself.” Just when Bucky was sure that he would flat out refuse Sam, your words managed to bring him back. He chuckled at you giving a sad puppy look before he admitted defeat.

As the three of you returned to Sam’s house, you all washed up and got ready for dinner that Sarah prepared. You offered to help despite her insistence that you’re a guest. It was such a nice peaceful moment when all of you squeezed around the now seemingly small table now that you and Bucky joined in.

Nevertheless, dinner went well and the conversations were great. AJ and Cass heard from the kids in the neighbourhood about what you did and asked you to do a little demonstration before they got silenced by their mother.

“Are you like Uncle Sam’s girlfriend?” You choked on the water that you had just drunk and Sam who was beside you helped to pat your back down.

All attention went to little AJ who looked very serious in having his question answered. All the adults at the table didn’t know whether to laugh or panic at his seemingly innocent query.

Sarah handed you a napkin to wipe your face and you smiled gratefully. Bucky was experiencing a gnawing feeling. Sure, it was a kid asking an innocent question but it bothered him more than it should. His eyes averted to where you sat and he saw how you were trying to come up with a response.

“What makes you think so, kid?” Sam quipped in before extending an arm out to wrap around your shoulders. The spoon in Bucky’s hand was on the verge of being bent into half.

“I don’t know. You never bring a girl home.” AJ’s reasoning had you giggling at his adorable nature.

“Well, how about it babe? Should we tell them?” Sam looked at you with a smug look. You turned to see Bucky trying to look neutral but you knew his irritated look when you saw one.

“Sam….” You spoke in a warning tone before he snickered. Sam threw his hands up in defeat before turning back to his nephew to explain.

“Y/N’s a friend, she’s like a buddy to me.” Sam ruffled your hair before giving a pat on your head.

“You have someone you like, Auntie Y/N? Can I call you auntie?” Cass chimed into the conversation and your facial expression betrayed you before you couldn’t even pretend.

You sent a fleeting glance to a person with bright cerulean eyes before you cleared your throat and nodded to Cass.

“It’s a secret.” You spoke with a mischievous glint in your eyes. Finger raising up to your lips, you let out a small spark of energy which wowed the two young boys. You threw in an extra wink before you all resumed dinner.

The spoon in Bucky's hand was saved from being rendered useless. Letting out a relieved sigh, Bucky's heart started to pick up again as he thought about your response.

When would he able to catch you at the right time to talk?

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AJ shared his room with his mum while Sam bunked in with Cass for the night. You took Sam’s room while Bucky took the couch downstairs. Sleep didn’t come easy for you that night and you decided to make your way down.

Once you were on the last step, you could see Bucky stretched out on the small couch. You made sure to be as quiet as possible before going to get a glass of water. Once you had your drink, you walked over and stopped a few feet short of where Bucky was.

The moonlight from the window added a beautiful glow onto him and you smiled at how he had a peaceful expression on his face as he slept.

Taking silent steps, you kneeled down near to where his head was. Seeing how he was letting out soft breaths, you believed that he was deep in a peaceful slumber.

You couldn't stop yourself from reaching out to brush the tips of his hair before sliding your fingers to stroke the apple of his cheeks. You smiled to yourself looking at the endearing sight in front of you.

Figuring you didn't want to stay on acting like a creep, you stood up and tucked yourself further into the warmth of your woolly cardigan.

You tiptoed to the front door and walked out to the lake by the Wilson house.

Breathing in the fresh air, you took in the beautiful night view and admired how the moon was reflected on the lake.

“Y/N.” Your eyes were closed and you wondered if you were hearing things. When your name was called a second time, you realised it wasn't just imagination anymore.

Letting out a shaky breath, you turned to see Bucky walking towards you with a nervous look. It dawned upon you that the inevitable moment had arrived. Now that you both had a temporary moment of peace from the non-stop fighting, you figured it was time to have the talk.

Standing face to face with Bucky, your gaze concentrated on the space beyond his shoulders. You weren’t sure how to face him in the eye yet.

It felt like minutes had passed before Bucky gathered up the courage to speak first. His hands were in his pockets as he looked down on the ground awkwardly.

“Did you mean everything? Every word you said to Karli back in Latvia.” Your eyes fluttered shut before looking back to see his intense blues peering back at you.

“Why would I lie?” You answered back in a whisper. Bucky nodded in understanding before continuing. “When did it start?”

“Remember Romania? We were at the farmer’s market and you were intensely deciding between the plums or tangerines. The poor owner thought you were getting pissed at him or something.”

“That’s what did it for you?” Bucky looked confused at your explanation. He thought it would have been some sentimental or romantic moment that you had realized your feelings for him.

“It’s cute. You’re cute.” You justified yourself nervously, murmuring the last part softly.

“Your definition of cute is weird.” He mumbled bashfully as he looked down to the ground in embarrassment. Shrugging your shoulders, you started to feel shy yourself.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” You let out a hum and thought deeply before speaking.

“I didn’t want to give you something to worry about when you’re still unpacking from the Blip, Steve leaving and your pardon. I also know you had your amends….didnot felt like it was the right time. Never felt like there was ever a right time with all the crazy things happening around us.”

“To be honest Bucky, it might have been hard for me but I would have been okay to not say anything at all. Sometimes loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them. True love is when you just want that person to be happy.” When you realised you had used the word love, you bit your lips as if to hold your tongue.

You slapped a hand to your lips before turning your back on Bucky, grimacing at the fact that you went that far in your explanation.

Bucky felt an emotion that was indescribable in words as he processed what you had just said. He then realised that you had always been selfless for him even it meant that you disregarded yourself in the process. How could he ever deserve someone like you?

Placing his hands on your shoulder to turn you back, Bucky was a little surprised to find you tearing up. You quickly wiped them away and averted your eyes away from him. Cradling your face gently in both his hands, Bucky gently wiped away a few more tears that cascaded down.

He didn’t want to see you cry anymore. He realised seeing you like this has brought him greater pain than he could have imagined.

He was at a loss for words but Bucky knew what he wanted to do next. He leaned down to place his lips gently on yours and your hands went to rest on the spot where his neck and shoulders meet.

Bucky hummed when he felt you returning the kiss and slid his vibranium hand down to your waist to pull you closer. Putting all his feelings into the kiss, Bucky wanted to let you know what he truly felt.

He slanted his mouth to deepen the kiss. You let out a soft gasp at the surprise but it was not unwelcome. You had always imagined what it would be like to finally kiss him and it was even better than you had imagined. Your arms snaked behind his neck to pull him down while his hands roamed around your back to feel you closer.

The two of you eventually pulled away for a little air after kissing for what it seems like forever. Bucky’s thumb swiped your swollen lips before learning it for another kiss once more. “I don’t deserve you.” He muttered through his breath.

“Don’t ever say that. Stop thinking of yourself as being unloveable. Know that you're the most precious thing to me. I will go through hell and back for you, always.” You confessed with an absolute resolve before turning shy. Your eyes moved to your hands smoothing down the material of his shirt.

Hearing your confession made Bucky the happiest and luckiest man in the world. How was he able to find someone like you who loved him despite everything he was and had done.

There used to be someone like that for him. Yet, in the end, he left Bucky alone in this world. Looking down at how you were shyly avoiding his gaze, Bucky's heart tightened in a good way.

He kissed the crown of your head before pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug as if he didn’t believe this moment wasn’t real and didn’t want to let go.

Once you two pull apart, his arms were still wrapped around your waist while you held his arms. "I love you so much, doll. You're the best thing that's ever happened."

Looking up to meet Bucky's eyes with renewed confidence, you never want him to doubt your feelings for him. He had gone through so much and you just wanted to never make him feel like he's alone.

"I will always be here for you, Bucky. You are my person to love and protect for as long as I live."

Your words were simple yet they were backed by such powerful and sincere emotions. Before he knew it, tears started to well up in his eyes.

Bucky started sniffing as tears started falling down his cheeks uncontrollably.

You were surprised at the sudden turn of events and you went to wipe his tears away with your fingers.

You found yourself joining him in crying as well but you knew that they were happy tears. Bucky brought his forehead to rest on yours as the two of you both cried silently.

"You're my only person. I will love you forever." Bucky spoke quietly before he leaned in for another kiss.

The two of you didn't want to let the other go that night. Bucky suggested for him to crash Sam's room but you were sure that your friend would throw a fit the next day.

You tried to control the volume of your giggles as you squeezed to fit into the too-small couch for two. Both of your limbs were tangled messily and you both embraced each other tightly to prevent yourselves from falling down.

The rest of the night ended in endless exchanges of smiles, eskimo and deep kisses. Both you and Bucky had finally found a home in each other.

-------------------------//---------------------------

The next morning

The sunlight shone throughout the whole room and you were reluctant to open your eyes. You felt Bucky stirring behind you as he tightened his hold on your waist.

"Oh heck no, did you two dirty my couch? I didn't give up my bed for you to snuggle with grandpa here, Y/N!" A sheepish grin formed on your face before you opened your eyes to see Sam standing with his arms crossed and a mocked disapproval on his face.

"Auntie Y/N likes Uncle Bucky!" AJ exclaimed aloud as he and his brother stepped into the living room.

You felt Bucky's chest rumbled slightly behind your back and you knew that he was amused to have riled Sam early in the morning. Pulling up the thin blanket over your head as if it could save you from embarrassment, Sam continued to go on his rant.

"Morning, my love." You turned to see Bucky looking at you fondly before leaning down to kiss the top of your brow.

Today is only the start of your forever.

-------------------------//---------------------------

"Wolves are known to follow one female wolf until death."

- Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo

P.S This is my all-time favourite kdrama. Check it out if you haven't! I find that the male lead has many similar qualities I see in Bucky and what a coincidence that he is also known as a wolf in the show just like our white wolf here.

Tag list: @tanyaherondale @spookycereal-s @cataves @archaeoheart @conflicted-noxsirius @archaeoheart @idiotinnit @anxious-stitcher @lindseyrae20 @mads-weasley @taina-eny @intothesoul @oopsiedoopsie23 @detecellie @blueboxesandcats

#bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #tfawts #bucky barnes fanfiction #angstsfordays #marvel fanfiction #beautiful pain

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kotsume · 4 years ago

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my observations as a content creator :) warning: it’s long

if you’re reading this, don’t think too deeply about what i wrote - it’s just my analysis of fan blogs and some fandoms (so it’s all from my perspective). do what you want with this information, and feel free to lmk what you think ;)

*i tried to include as many anime-applicable blogs as i could remember*

multifandom reblog blogs (ones who track a tag):

@/allanimanga: lots of original content every day. does not reblog from tag anymore bc most members who had that job are inactive. i’m an admin and i’ve been told not to worry about reblogging from the tag, and just make content. has member privilege abuse from certain users; normally you make content for the blog and you get to reblog your stuff over in a 1:1 ratio, but they will just use the blog to promote themselves without contributing. it’s really sad but there’s nothing we can do bc most of the time it’s an admin.

@/animacia: was debating whether or not to put this one. reblogs mainstream anime (sailor moon, studio ghibli) and has a tag, but the tag itself does not seem to be actively used as the most recent post can see tagged for this blog dates back to june 2019 (more than a year ago). it’s an active blog regardless of slow tag activity.

@/animationsource: active, but very picky? idk man they either do or don’t reblog your stuff. it’s a hit or miss with them. seems to have member privilege abuse/preference (explained up there). not too sure if they have a queue or just reblog sporadically.

@/anisource: active. seems to run on a large, backlogged queue bc their tag is full of stuff that has yet to be reblogged. edits will probably take a while to be reblogged, but they’ll eventually get there!

@/dailyanime: new blog, but from what i’ve experienced, they will queue it, and your post will be reblogged in 1-3 days (it probably depends on how much is in their queue).

@/fyanimegifs: will reblog your stuff, but they have a very slow queue.

@/graphicsources: not really active; spontaneous at best. don’t count on them to reblog your stuff.

@/fyeahshoujo: not really active, but not completely inactive.

@/fysportsanime & @/sportsanimedaily: active. seems to have a backlogged queue, but just wait and you’ll be reblogged! it will take some time because there are lots of posts.

@/animangascenery & @/otomokatsuhiro (#oldanimeedit - changes url from time to time? that’s why i included the tag they track): inactive unless a member looks at the tag. in that case, they will most likely reblog the tagged post. typically mass reblogs/queues from the tag every once in a while.

@/bbelcher & @/fyeahmovies: will reblog ghibli and makoto shinkai stuff. bonus points if you have added a text description to gifs. 80% dependable.

@/filmgifs, @/filmtv, @/stream, @/movie-gifs, etc. (basically big reblog fansites that aren’t anime-oriented, but do reblog mainstream anime movies): 90% chance they will not reblog anything from you if there is no text description. add text descriptions to studio ghibli/makoto shinkai film gifs and make it pretty! use text gradients!! that will increase your chances of being reblogged by them. they don’t reblog seasonal anime.

a note: many creators use tags as a way of reaching a broader audience. it's really helpful for smaller blogs who would like to share their content to others, but do not have the means/numbers to do so. just bc some people don't utilize tags to their full potential, it doesn't mean it isn't useful, so pls don’t try to act superior to those who want more exposure. everyone deserves a chance at getting the attention they deserve for their hard work!

studio ghibli reblog blogs:

@/ghiblisdaily: great. amazing. i love them!! will reblog from you 99.9% of the time. probably the most reliable ghibli blog as of right now. uploads original content

@/fyghibli: used to be good at reblogging from tag, but has gone kind of inactive. i think they’re becoming more active again, but it’s very sporadic.

@/kikisdeliveryservices: they track a variety of studio ghibli related tags, and they do reblog a lot, but i don’t think they’re as consistent as ghiblisdaily. lots of original content.

@/oh-totoro: not really active, but when they are (and they reblog from you), your activity skyrockets.

@/dailyghibli: not active.

@/daily-ghibli: sometimes active, a little wishy-washy. they seem to be reblogging a little bit more consistently now?

@/princessghibli: not active, but reblogs here and there.

@/ghibligif: a new blog, but decently active. will reblog post from their tracked tag within a day. lots of original content.

main point: there are many studio ghibli blogs (wayyyy more than i’ve listed here), but only around 3-4 active ones. choose your tags with what you think will give you the best exposure bc if you have too much, tumblr will go “fuck you” and not show your post at all :)

random anime fandoms:

i’ll really only be including ones i’m in, or know a bit about.

haikyuu, bnha, kny, yoi: healthy and very active. content for these fandoms do well even if they’re not in season. has multiple active fan blogs (except for yoi tho - they’re all inactive for the most part).

noragami, ohshc, ons, snk, tg, swnku: active fandoms. edits will do moderately well bc most people have seen these.

popular sports anime (knb, free, dna, tsurune? idk i don’t watch much sports anime): they do okay. i rarely see any new sports anime edits beside haikyuu, but people do love their sports anime. has active sports fan blogs.

pokemon & sailor moon: old but gold. lots of people love these anime bc it’s part of their childhood. still very popular amongst tumblr users.

violet evergarden: does moderately well. @/fyeahvioletevergarden will reblog your stuff if you choose to tag them (big boost)! with the new movie coming up soon, there may be a resurgence in activity, but the most recent movie did not have much content made for it, so that hope may be crushed.

tpn: not very active, but with the new season coming up soon, there will be a resurgence in activity.

ditf: kind of dead, but lots of people love zero two. edits do moderately well.

sao: dead. absolutely dead. i thought there would be some activity bc it’s in season right now, but no, it’s a dead fandom. low key sao sucks tho. idek where the plot is going; i’m just hoping for an end.

hxh, one piece, fma, code geass: i’m not in it, but i think they do okay bc they have a large following, just not as well as haikyuu or bnha (but they’re still very popular). it depends on your blog demographic tho.

mp100, opm, bsd, given: kind of medium-tier fandoms. not as prevalent as haikyuu or bnha, but there are still edits being made for these anime. they don’t really have any active fan blogs (besides given i think) bc none of them are airing rn.

makoto shinkai & studio ghibli films: they do great! everybody loves good scenery, and the films are very well known and loved by all!

some seasonal anime (spring/summer 2020)

fruits basket: well this reboot blew up and overshadowed everything in it’s path. tbh only edits posted on the first day of the new episode do well. it’s a very competitive fandom for creators.

kaguya sama love is war: first season was good, edits did well. second season drifted off into the shadow of fruits basket. relatively obscure fandom for how popular it is amongst people (non-creators).

tower of god: popular with creators. now that it’s not airing, no one gifs it. respective fan blog is doing its best with content from the manhwa.

fugou keiji balance unlimited: people were simping even before the first ep came out, and then the anime went on hiatus for a few months. now that it’s started to air again, everyone acts like it never existed in the first place... was a good fandom up until the hiatus and now it will probably take a while to recover.

god of high school: nonexistent even tho it’s a popular pick this season (summer 2020). in the shadow of fruits basket.

deca-dence, bna, great pretender, kakushigoto, the misfit at demon king academy, rent-a-girlfriend: *sigh* didn’t see much of it on my dash. lesser-watched seasonal anime in comparison to fruits basket and tower of god (all relative to tumblr). there are gifs being made, but you have to follow the right blogs.

main point: if there’s any seasonal anime paired up against fruits basket at the same time, fruits basket will win and the former will be left in the dust.

#i've been itching to write this for a while #just my thoughts as a #content creator who uses tags #feel free to correct me on anything #or give me a new perspective #text #mine #mytext

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newstfionline · 4 years ago

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Headlines

State police returning to Portland following deadly shooting (AP) Oregon State Police will return to Portland to help local authorities after the fatal shooting of a man following clashes between President Donald Trump supporters and counter-protesters that led to an argument between the president and the city’s mayor over who was to blame for the violence. Trump and other speakers at last week’s Republican National Convention evoked a violent, dystopian future if Democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden wins in November and pointed to Portland as a cautionary tale for what would be in store for Americans.

Snapped Poles, Shredded Roofs: A Long Road to Recovery After Laura (NYT) Hurricane Laura ravaged southwestern Louisiana, leaving weary residents to assess the toll and map a way forward. The damage the storm inflicted was so severe that it will be an immense undertaking just to clear debris. But beyond the physical labor, residents were also stepping into the thicket of bureaucracy that follows a hurricane, with insurance claims and applications for government aid. Officials said that roughly 368,000 customers in the state remained without electricity. Some 17,000 linemen were at work on repairs, but they had a lot to tackle: some 500 transmission towers were destroyed or damaged. In some places, utility companies said, it could be at least four weeks before electricity is restored. CoreLogic, an analytics firm in Irvine, Calif., estimated that the hurricane had caused insured losses of $8 billion to $12 billion. “The story here is going to be the wind damage,” said Curtis McDonald, a meteorologist with the firm.

Burning (NYT) According to researchers, somewhere between 4.4 million and 11.8 million acres in modern-day California burned every year in the earlier times. When people started moving there, and building there, and understandably preferring that their homes not burn, those natural fires were stopped. From 1982 to 1998, land managers in California burned on average 30,000 acres per year, which dropped to 13,000 acres from 1999 to 2017. The backlog is deadly, and one reason the state has become a powder-keg. A February 2020 study published in Nature Sustainability found California would need to burn 20 million acres to become stable.

A Zoom Thanksgiving? (AP) As the Summer of COVID draws to a close, many experts fear an even bleaker fall and suggest that American families should start planning for Thanksgiving by Zoom. Because of the many uncertainties, public health scientists say it’s easier to forecast the weather on Thanksgiving Day than to predict how the U.S. coronavirus crisis will play out this autumn. But school reopenings, holiday travel and more indoor activity because of colder weather could all separately increase transmission of the virus and combine in ways that could multiply the threat, they say. Here’s one way it could go: As more schools open for in-person instruction and more college students return to campuses, small clusters of cases could widen into outbreaks in late September. Public fatigue over mask rules and other restrictions could stymie efforts to slow these infections. A few weeks later, widening outbreaks could start to strain hospitals. If a bad flu season peaks in October, as happened in 2009, the pressure on the health care system could result in higher daily death tolls from the coronavirus.

Rethinking their slogan (Foreign Policy) The latest casualty of the coronavirus pandemic is the long-time slogan of popular U.S. fast food company Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC). The slogan, “it’s finger lickin’ good,” has been used by the company on-and-off for 64 years, but KFC announced last week that it is suspending the slogan because it is no longer appropriate in the current health-conscious environment. Health experts discourage people from touching their faces in order to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, and users on social media criticized KFC for implicitly promoting unhealthy habits in its marketing campaigns. The company rolled out an advertisement in the United Kingdom and Ireland that ended with the tagline: “That thing we always say? Ignore it. For now.”

India’s economy contracts by nearly 24 percent amid pandemic (Washington Post) India’s economic output shrank by nearly 24 percent in the most recent quarter, the worst contraction since records began and the largest such drop of any major economy during the coronavirus pandemic. The stunning decline reflects the economic toll of India’s nationwide lockdown and illustrates the depth of the challenge now facing Indian policymakers as they grapple both with a hobbled economy and a raging pandemic. India is currently adding the largest number of new coronavirus cases per day of any country in the world. The Indian economy has not contracted for two consecutive quarters—the definition of a recession—in 40 years. Now the country appears certain to experience a recession and possibly one of unprecedented severity. That kind of economic slump would be devastating in a country like India, where 9 out of 10 workers have no job protections or unemployment insurance, leaving them with almost no safety net.

Indian army says foils Chinese attempt to encroach over disputed border (Reuters) Indian troops foiled an attempt by Chinese troops to encroach over the disputed and ill-defined border in the western Himalayas, the Indian army said on Monday, in a fresh flare-up between the two nuclear-armed countries. Pre-emptive action by the Indian troops was enough to deter the Chinese troops, and the confrontation did not escalate into a clash between the two sides, an Indian military official, who requested anonymity, told Reuters. China rejected any breach of the border by the People’s Liberation Army (PLA) troops, but tensions between the two armies in the freezing snow deserts of the Ladakh region have been running high for several months.

Backing the monarchy in Thailand (Foreign Policy) Protesters gathered in a stadium in the Thai capital of Bangkok on Sunday to rally in support of the monarchy following massive student-led anti-government demonstrations in recent weeks. The event, which attracted around 1,200 people, was organized by the newly-formed pro-monarchy group Loyal Thai. “We insist that the country’s conflicts stem from politicians,” said Warong Dechgitvigrom, a prominent right-wing politician who founded the group. “The monarchy institution has no part in governing the country. The institution is the morale support that connects the people together.” Anti-government protesters have defied draconian laws against criticizing the monarchy in recent weeks to take to the streets to demand the ouster of Prime Minister Prayuth Chan-ocha, fresh elections, and a new constitution that would limit the powers of the monarchy.

Facial recognition and bathtime bookings: How China’s universities are reopening (Reuters) As COVID-19 cases in China sink to new lows, the world’s largest population of university students is heading back to campus in a migration defined by lockdowns, patriotic education and cutting-edge surveillance equipment. The highly choreographed return comes as Chinese universities revert to in-person instruction for the fall semester after months of pandemic controls. Some universities have strict rules governing how students eat, bathe and travel. Students in Beijing, Nanjing and Shanghai told Reuters that they must submit detailed movement reports and stay on campus. At the same time, government procurement documents show dozens of universities have purchased “epidemic control” surveillance systems based on facial recognition, contact tracing and temperature checks. There are more than 20 million university students in China, and most live on campus in shared dorm rooms, presenting a challenge for health authorities. On Chinese social media, students have chafed at the controls, which mirror restrictions on the wider population during the height of the outbreak in March.

With a Wary Eye on China, Taiwan Moves to Revamp Its Military (NYT) China’s growing aggression across Asia in recent months has created fears that it may make brash moves in Taiwan, the South China Sea or elsewhere. The ruling Communist Party’s recent crackdown on dissent and activism in Hong Kong, a former British colony that has long been a bastion of democratic values, has added to those concerns. Beijing’s posturing has forced Taiwan, an island of 24 million, to re-examine with new urgency whether it is prepared for a confrontation, the possibility of which now seems less remote. But there are questions about its readiness to defend its people—with or without the help of the United States. “I have to be honest: Taiwan’s military needs to improve a lot,” Wang Ting-yu, a member of Parliament’s foreign affairs and defense committee, said in a telephone interview. Taiwan’s leaders have been moving to shake up the military and increase spending. Military tensions across the Taiwan Strait have surged in recent months as Taiwan has increasingly become a focal point in the confrontation between China and the United States.

New prime minister in Lebanon (Foreign Policy) Mustapha Adib, Lebanon’s current ambassador to Germany, is set to become the country’s next prime minister as it continues to grapple with one of its worst crises since the end of the civil war in 1990. Adib won support from all of the major parties on Sunday, as well as from former prime ministers including Saad al-Hariri. He will be designated prime minister today just before a crucial visit from French President Emmanuel Macron.

Israeli, U.S. officials on historic flight to UAE to formalize normalization deal (Reuters) Top aides to U.S. President Donald Trump and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu made a historic first flight from Tel Aviv to the United Arab Emirates on Monday to finalize a pact marking open relations between the Gulf power and Israel. Even before discussions start in Abu Dhabi, the delegates made aviation history when the Israeli commercial airliner flew over Saudi territory on the direct flight from Tel Aviv to the UAE capital. Announced on Aug. 13, the normalization deal is the first such accommodation between an Arab country and Israel in more than 20 years and was catalyzed largely by shared fears of Iran.

#headlines #news

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ask-the-guiding-light-cast · 5 years ago

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Guiding Light turns two years old today!

It’s crazy to think this all began only a couple of years back... and also hilarious it falls on the same day as “International Mystery Dungeon Day” over on Twitter. More after the cut. This is gonna be a long one, so I appreciate anyone willing to read this. ^^

For a long time, I had been a casual consumer of fan fics. It started in the late 2000s when I was in a Spyro craze thanks to the more story-driven Legend of Spyro trilogy. I had an itch that I needed scratched and FFN fulfilled that to some extent. I also looked at some Mario fics, including Paper Mario: The Temple of the Sun, which I greatly enjoyed and thought did a good job adapting the formula that made Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door so beloved and putting a unique spin on things.

But it was until the early 2010s that I actually started getting back into Pokémon games with Gen V. After Emerald, I fell out of touch with Pokémon for a time. When Gen VI came around, I dipped my toe into the fandom through Twitch livestreams, but also through reading a few anime-based fics that are very long and still going, even now.

At the same time, I ended up buying PMD: Explorers of Sky... and damaged my cartridge before I could properly finish the game with my Vulpix/Riolu team. So, I watched cutscenes for what I missed on YouTube, then got Gates to Infinity and, later, Super Mystery Dungeon and had fun with both of them... though more for the stories and characters than the actual gameplay. Truth be told, I don’t care much for roguelikes at all.

It was during the gap in time between Super’s release and the first official footage of Sun & Moon in mid-2016 that I found myself hit with a recurring thought: “What if someone made a PMD story where the hero and the partner are forced to fight one another with the fate of the world at stake?” I wound up (loosely) brainstorming an idea for a PMD story revolving around an antagonistic Hoopa character who would use its ring portals to collect entire communities, including the Pokémon living in them... all so that he would never be bored. This would lead him to “collect” the partner to add to his “toys,” so when the hero shows up, he’d sic the partner on them.

But that was as far as I got with the idea. I ended up graduating college and took a job with late evening hours. It left me pretty tired and exhausted and unmotivated to do much of anything. I withdrew from the parts of the Pokémon community I was involved in.

Then the Generation VII games came out and, while divisive in the fandom, I found myself really liking some of the concepts. There were so many times when I thought, “Gee, I wonder what this would be like if it were in a PMD game?” For example, one of the ideas I had was a sort of edgy rival rescue team akin to Gladion, which would have a Midnight Lycanroc, a Zoroark, and a Type: Null character in it.

So, toward the end of 2016 and early 2017, I started creating an idea for a Choose Your Own Adventure story with the intent of putting it on this really small forum I was a part of. It would be a Gen VII-themed PMD story, but because I didn’t think that sounded interesting enough, I decided that, not only would the human keep their memories, but they would be from the real world and be a major Pokémon nerd. The idea was that the choices the readers made would affect the relationship between the human and partner. I even came up with a point system. The more points the readers earned for their choices, the “closer” the relationship the hero and partner would have and the happier an ending the story would get. If the hero and partner couldn’t stand each other, one of them would likely end up working with the bad guy and winning. If they became steadfast friends, they’d work together to save the world.

Unfortunately, the forum shut down before I got too far into planning it, so I shelved the idea and continued focusing on my job. And things stayed that way for several months, until I ended up getting into med school and scrambling to move.

During the downtime I had when I wasn’t doing moving related stuff, I decided to look at FFN again and found Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Defenders of Warmth. I wound up reading through the entirety of the story quite quickly. I guess you could say it sparked something in my head. The fic itself focuses on what, at the time, was the newest Gen (Gen V). It also has multiple humans and is set on a continent separate from the canon locations (which were just the Air and Grass Continents, since Gates and Super didn’t exist when the fic was written). In short, it renewed my desire to pursue my idea of a Gen VII-flavored PMD story.

So, I set about creating my story outline. It is so... so much different from the actual story, though I’ve gone into that in previous posts (search for #amby answers). Originally, I used Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time as the framework for the fic: an alien invasion in a colorful, comedic world. I took more specific cues, too. Zero was meant to be a (mostly) silent antagonist a la Princess Shroob, for example.

The problem was, I really didn’t have much confidence in myself or my abilities. I’d like to say I was writing for myself, but I really did want validation, too. I think any author is lying to themselves if they say they don’t feel this way at some point. Because of this, I figured if I put the fic on FFN, it would get ignored. The site’s huge! There were, at the time, around 85k fics in the Pokémon section alone. (That number’s since gone up to over 90k!)

Given I had experience with forums, I decided to post it to Serebii, because the fic community seemed much smaller and more open to giving feedback to one another. In an effort to try and, y’know, establish some connections, I actually read other pieces and reviewed them before posting any stories. This also helped me build up a backlog of chapters and prove to myself I enjoyed writing this enough to keep going.

When I finally did post the fic, it was a bumpy start, for sure. I do think I made a lot of mistakes out of the gate, including uploading chapters way too quickly for readers on Serebii to (reasonably) try to keep pace. That probably cost me a few potential readers... or made them silent readers who I never ended up hearing from. Which is why I’m especially thankful to @girl-like-substance (who I can seem to tag, drat) for all of the well-thought-out feedback given throughout the fic’s run. I don’t think I would’ve made such significant strides in my writing otherwise... and there are plenty of long-running fics where the quality tends to stagnate.

In any case... it was thanks to a request from @deliriousabsol to put the fic somewhere more mobile-friendly that I chose to mirror Guiding Light on FFN starting in October 2017. I would’ve kept going on Serebii had she not asked so nicely, so she’s the one you can thank for it showing up there! (She’s a fellow author who does cyberpunk-themed fics and art and her characters have cameoed in the fic.)

And, honestly, I’m just... beyond shocked at what wound up happening to the fic once it hit FFN. Well, actually, for the first several months I was lucky if I even got a comment when I put up a chapter. I’m not sure any of the people who first commented on FFN still follow the fic anymore. I haven’t seen/heard from them at all, so I assumed they moved on with their lives.

In any case, around March of 2018, the word count on FFN passed 300k and... somehow, the fic starting getting more attention. Like, a lot more attention. This was... not really something I was even remotely prepared for.

(Yes, this means there’s gonna be a giveaway. More on that later.) I never would’ve thought I’d reach a number like this. I never imagined I’d meet another PMD author who’d be willing to do a fun collab (thanks @virgil134, Spiteful Murkrow, and Namohysip). I really did not imagine that I’d ever get fanart of characters that I wrote (huge thanks @thebreak-ofdawn, @ask-nicky-and-others, and @cresselia92). I mean, above everything, I not expect the fic or characters to resonate with anybody the way it wound up.

A part of me feels like I don’t really deserve it. I’ve made a lot of serious gaffes with writing this. When initial Serebii feedback had people intrigued by Shane’s jerkass attitude (when I didn’t actually intend for him to come off as a jerk), I dialed things up in the hopes I’d keep their attention. It probably cost me readers. Then there’s the slow pacing of the early episodes and the mistake of making Special Episode 3 as long as it was... which my speaks to my (bad) tendency to give into some of my strongest impulses even though I had an outline I was trying to stick to.

And, I mean, there’s also some of the “shamlessly shameful” stuff I’ve done with the fic. I’m not fooling myself. Guiding Light has grown progressively more furry and, uh, probably fanservicey, too. All the big furbait (and some scalebait) ‘mons are accounted for. There’s a lot more sexual humor when I initially promised myself I would stay away from romance and keep everything platonic. I practically turned Xerneas into waifu bait, if some of these asks are anything to go by. This blog certainly didn’t help in that regard. Maybe I’m just being my usual nervous self?

I am worried that this fic’s performance has, somehow, affected my thoughts and behavior. There are very popular fic authors who let their popularity get to their head... or chose to open up Patreons (something that makes me uncomfortable) or start doing things like taking commissions for written pieces, which is understandable... though I think it’s an easy way to lose your passion for writing. I guess some of that worry stems from a debacle I learned about on a Discord server I’m in, but that’s not something I’m comfortable discussing publicly.

And I haven’t even talked much about the blog itself. Like, it somehow passed 100 followers? Where? When? How? I don’t actually draw stuff like many other Pokéasks. And, like, for a lot of folks, I have no idea if they’ve actually read the fic or just check in on the blog. It’s the same with the fic, I suppose. If you’re a silent reader/follower, I would really love to hear from you! I promise... I don’t bite or anything. I’d love to know what (if anything) you’re thinking. And if you’re a blog that’s following this one and we haven’t interacted, please feel free to reach out! It’s honestly hard to tell if people like what I’m doing, so any feedback is always appreciated.

In any case, if I haven’t lost you by now, I guess all I can say is... thank you. Thank you all so much for all of the support... whether it’s on the fic, the blog, or both of them. I really do hope this final episode can meet your expectations. I’ll try my very best to make this an ending to remember. Nothing would make me happier than to hear you guys enjoy it and feel it does justice to the PMD series.

Sorry for all the rambling. The inbox is open again if you’d like to send any messages for the ficaversary. Again, thank you all so much! You’re the best!

#ooc #long post #fic anniversary

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planetoban · 5 years ago

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Savin’s Answers from Twitter, Part 5!

Pretty much done with the backlog; this post covers tweets from November 2018 through May 2019

As always, tweets are in order from most to least recent, and answers may not 100% true/canon since things are bound to change during production of the sequel. Text is unedited save for formatting; in a few places I added [comments] for context.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Also: If you’re going to ask Savin something, please be respectful and appropriate. He’s a person just like you and me.

@NekoItoi: Will the bluray be released for Region A or solely region B? As I really want to finally own Oban in hd

@EiffelSavin: The bluray will be crowdfunded and region free

(x)

@Helloworld1012: Maybe U could get a adventures of young Aikka series funded

@EiffelSavin: Actually we're developping both a sequel and a spinof, which would reveal a lot about Aikka's past...

(x)

[talking about rick]

@Antarasis: Pretty metalhead. 👍 And losing your ability to pursue your #1 passion is such a heavy hitting topic. Was interesting to see a character confronted with it. Especially to see an admirable character give in to anger because of helplessness and make him act unpleasant/unlikable.

@EiffelSavin: I agree. Characters that are not just plain black and white are very interresting to follow.

(x)

@Helloworld1012: out of curiosity, Do U [Savin and Thomas] prefer the Eva & Jordan romantic pairing and prefer that Eva & Jordan be a couple or the Eva & Aikka romantic pairing & prefer that Eva & Aikka become a couple? I heard from a discord chat that U both have different views in

‏@Helloworld1012: who Eva should end up with. And do Romantically pair Eva with one of them.

@EiffelSavin: I don't remember disagreeing with Thomas over this and would rather leave the choice to the audience - both relationships are important ! This being said, the question of who Eva likes most may resurface in the sequel, if we get to make it...

(x)

@Xanidos43: is it still possible to get the newsletter? i would love to support and buy the blu ray upon release.

@EiffelSavin: There will be more newsletters to come. For now just register on the bluray page of the http://obanstarracers.com website

(x)

@Helloworld1012: Hey I’ve noticed for quite a while, that Aikka and Eva in the concept art physically look to be about the same age, please give us this one hint. Is the fact that Eva and Aikka look physically the same age in the concept art have something to do with the plot or OSR

@Helloworld1012: 2? Or is it just because you and @Thomasintokyo just wanted to show what Eva and Aikka could possible look like when their older?

@EiffelSavin: One possible direction for the sequel is for it to take place a few years after the original show. Hence the concept art. But this is still under discussion and would also depend on who finances the series

(x)

@Antarasis: Can we have a show about poor Muir, haha? Oh god, if I'd have the time I'd so make a parody show about Muir. There should be Muirs in Skyrim instead of mudcrabs. And Muir should get a skin in FightCrab. x'D Aaah, the potential of Muir. Please don't commit suizide, little crab.

@EiffelSavin: I could easily imagine a series about the adventures of "young muir"(!) Not sure we could get it funded though ☺️

(x)

@AldrenMcneal: Hi there! i recently watched an Oban Star Racers video and found out a potential sequel was in the works. i found your twitter and realized it was announced back in 2017. How much progress have you made since then? Do you have the story planned out? Thanks!‏

@EiffelSavin: The story is planned out but we need investors - and time as well, since we're all involved in other projects too. Hopefully a successful bluray release we'll help refocuss everyone's energy

(x)

@Bfahome: I heard rumors in the past that there's a "full" version of Oban's English opening, "Never Say Never". Are those rumors true and, if so, who would be the ones to have it? Would it even exist still?

@EiffelSavin: I'm not sure about this. I think the only version I ever heard was the opening version. For your info our US partners felt very strongly about using that song. I gave my OK because it was pretty catchy, even though the op credits were created to match Yoko Kanno's title song.

(x)

@EiffelSavin: Thanks a lot to the 1000+ #obanstarracers fans who took the time to answer our little survey. Here's what you answered to one of the first question asked. Among the alien racers, it seems Spirit made quite an impression #animation #anime #surveys #jetix #nhkbs #toowam

@MattGiusti: The lack of Sul on this list is very sad.

@EiffelSavin;: Sul came right after and would certainly have fared better if the question was who's your favorite alien character. Bear in mind that the list of choices here included some of the main characters of the show, like Jordan and Aikka and that one could only give a single answer.

@rhodanum: I'm quite surprised at how high Spirit ranked (higher than Stan, Don and Maya!) and that Jordan ranked higher than Aikka. The latter is especially surprising, given the gigantic number of fanworks (fanart, fanfic) featuring Aikka or Aikka x Eva, compared to Jordan or Jordan x Eva

@EiffelSavin: Aikka ranked first in some territories but overall Jordan came first - among the voters at least. I would be interesting to see if female and male voters voted equally - or predominantly - for one or the other...

(x) (x)

@GabrielAubry2: What happened to Prince Aikka after he returns to Nourasia? Won’t the Crogs on the planet be angry at what he did on Oban?

@EiffelSavin: Good question indeed but bear in mind their leader crashed on Oban and that there were fierce rivalries between the rest of chiefs. This must have slowed them somehow. Plus there's a new Avatar! 🙂

(x)

@RakkuBoi: ust took the survey. It's probably asking for too much but one idea I expressed was the possibility of including autographes. Maybe on the art cards that might be included? Your's or @Thomasintokyo would be AMAZING.

@EiffelSavin: Point noted 😉

(x)

@kueekueeng: from a fan who's been waiting for years, is "The 2 Queens" movie ever going to be released?‏

@EiffelSavin: Finding funding on the French market as proven more difficult than anticipated but we haven't given up and have also started working on an animated series adaptation, possibly with a more "radical" artistic direction. More news hopefully soon...

(x)

@SonicMrgame2017: Which program you guys used for animation?

@EiffelSavin: Here are the programs the team used for the animation: Pencils (well sharpened), large and thin Erasers, and most important: thousands and thousands of sheets of Paper 😉

@SonicMrgame2017: Yeah, but, the animation was done in cels or you guys used some kind of digital ink? PD: Respects!!!! I love handrawn animation

@EiffelSavin: Oban used digital paint and compositing. When we produced the series it was the very last days of painted cells in Japan, where it lasted longer than in other countries. I think the last series that used painted cells was "Sazae-san". 🙂

(x)

@quantum_cuboid: QUESTION. Can you give us any insight as to which characters will make a return in the OSR sequel? There were many good characters, and a few that make me wonder whatever happened to them!

@EiffelSavin: I'll give you one: Eva (!) 😉 For the rest I prefer to keep quiet for now but feel free to make suggestions ☺️

(x)

[note: this thread is originally in French and I used Google Translate]

@supalinocelosu: So it was the authors directly who led the # ObanStarRacers

@ EiffelSavin: I think that should be the norm but apparently no ... I was also present during the English dubbing in Vancouver. But this time there was a director of English voices. I was commenting but not directly the direction of US actors

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@theinmaskedboy: Could you clarify a doubt sir? 1) What happened with him when he arrived on the earth, because at the end of the galactic race he did not mention again .. 2) There are some loose ends in history, like the crow .. Was he eliminated from the race? or just leave?

@EiffelSavin: Spirit did not make it to the final 3 so he was eliminated & returned to his home planet. Regarding Rick, his job was done so he went back home too. We had crazy plans of making a sequel with him starring as a private PI (!) Who knows we may reuse that in 1 form or another

(x)

@Taibhse_Designs: Now this is a beauty to see, any concept art for the whizzing arrow or other paint job ideas other than the bunny exist that never made it to print?

@EiffelSavin: yes. We did more than 10 paint job tests before going for the actual ones :) That certainly could be something for the new art book.

(x)

@Taibhse_Designs: I have the original DVDs still in good condition with the cardboard sleeve, I atleast rewatch the entire series once a year and would love a Blu-ray version. Would love to see some stats on the ships like actual scale, measurements, or official heights of the characters.Taibhse Designs added,

@EiffelSavin: That could be a cool extra actually, or something to add to a new art book. If you join the Oban Bluray Project newsletter on http://obanstarracers.com we'll soon ask you about the type of features and goodies you'd like to have.

(x)

@TheRealZentron: The 1080p 4:3 version is the most crisp out of the three, but I like the cinematic scope of the 16:9, I just wish it was as crisp! Still, can't wait until the Blu-Ray comes out, hopefully it will be available to and playable in the UK!

@EiffelSavin: The bluray will be, for the first time, in the original rate of 24f/s and will be zone free‏

@TheRealZentron: That's great to hear Savin, thanks for the info! I'll sure to place my order once available, it'll sure be good watching OSR HD on my 70" 4K TV! Will the set also include the original Molly Star-Racer trailer in HD or the regular SD?

@EiffelSavin: I'm working on this. The pb is to get the rights to the music. In all cases it will be sd as it was produced that way but we'll try to upscale it in the best possible way from the best source available.

(x)

[Original question deleted]

@EiffelSavin: That was my notes, yes: Maya cut off from her family because of her choice to become a racer with Don, and Don having old parents that died early. Thus no grand parents for Eve to turn 2. But since we never go beyond that in the story, U can make up your own idea on backstory 🙂

(x)

@LovesOban: Please tell me because I’ve been obsessing over this, but even though he wouldn’t be as skilled as Aikka, Cannan or a Nourasian knight in martial arts, & Even though in 2082 DW isn’t the most athletic & even though DW is more brains than brawn & doesn’t have brute strength, in

@EiffelSavin: Don Wei is not a "big man" but he's determined and has grown quite tough, at least since Maya's death. Do you remember the first time he meets Rick and his biker buddies in the middle of the desert? He stands up to them pretty well, doesn't he?

(x)

@HG_Alsmyr: are you going to have Thomas Romain join you for the Ōban sequel by chance?

@EiffelSavin: Yes. We've already started to collaborate on the sequel and spinoff projects. Working together again was very touching actually 🙂

(x)

#oban star racers #sav! the world #sav the world #type:staff #type:text

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smis-five-creedmoor · 5 years ago

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In light of all the news I’ve been hearing of, I need to get this off my chest. This will be a very, very unpopular post, and I’ll probably even lose a few close friends for saying this (you know who you are), but it needs to be said.

But first, some background:

See, I grew up in a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses. As such, I was told to keep an arm’s distance away from any and all non-Witnesses. This made me a very lonely individual. Further compounding the issue was the fact that, at some point in my childhood, there was an individual who abused me to hell and back. All the while discouraging me from being close to anyone that isn’t him. Further compounding the issue was my autism making it hard to maintain what little social ability I had.

Basically, I was kept in isolation for large amounts of time at a time, resulting in me gaining a bit of a reputation of being quiet, weird, and at times unapproachable.

Then, after graduating high school, I was a NEET for about 6-8 months. I had wanted to use those 6 months to figure out what I wanted to do in life. The result is me staying at home playing nothing but Minecraft and watching MLP all day, even further ensuring my social isolation.

By the time I finally chose something for college, I was socially...stunted. I was highly combative, prone to fits, VERY distrusting of people, and just was an unpleasant individual to be around. But by this point I was used to being isolated.

An important tidbit of information here is that when I went to college, I had the whole thing paid for by my parents (mind you it was a fairly short program akin to the US’s “Community College” and I still lived with my parents for this, so the costs were kept fairly minimal).

It was also around this time I was interested in firearms (though, more specifically, air guns at this time).

This next bit of story will seem a little more familiar to the Millenials following me on this site, but with a slight variation. See, I went to school for HVAC-R (Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning, Refrigeration), and while I was able to graduate, I still had to take a test in order to be fully qualified to be a mechanic. I’ve attempted the test, and I failed three times in the course of one year, all the while keeping social interactions to a minimum. The rules state that if I fail the test three times, I basically had to go back to school to try again.

As you can see, this was a failure. My parents said they would not be helping me with payments for college. And thus, I was back in square one. This was around the time my mental health was at its lowest. And thus, I began looking for any work. My parents supported the endeavour, but was forever disappointed that it wasn’t related to my college education.

Basically, for much of my life, I was isolated. VERY isolated.

Now, what was the point of telling you this (quite frankly long-winded) backstory? This is a chillingly similar story to a lot of the Far Right terrorists I’ve been reading about. However, where I stopped with the backstory is where the divergence begins. See, in my case, after effectively throwing things up at the ceiling in hopes to see what sticks, with a further declining mental health and wallet, I eventually got myself a nice job selling guns to people (I do realize the irony in this and to this day it still makes me chuckle).

Okay, that divergence point wasn’t the only point where I differ. The positive about the air gun hobby (which evolved into gun hobby) is that I was exposed to a bunch of weirdoes (of which I consider to be cool people in my life), which, in many cases, were acting as the only social interactions I had.

See, in my case, I had just a few tiny embers of motivation to keep going, even in the worst of times. In the case of, for example, the El Paso shooter, I see a completely extinguished flame of motivation to succeed in life. A pitch-black pit of ashes and soot. At best this results in suicide (of which becomes, at best, a statistic) that nobody reports on. At worst is what I’ll be talking about next:

I can’t claim to know everything that’s happened to the guy in El Paso, TX, USA (or really any of the Alt Right), but the few commonalities I’ve seen between me and these Alt Right weirdoes is indicative of a problematic pattern:

Isolationism.

Humans are social creatures, and as such talking to one another and having dialogue is crucial. And at the risk of sounding like “hurr dburr technology bad Thomas Edison was a witch”, for all the good the Internet has brought us (and it most certainly has), it’s also acted as a double-edged sword.

I’m not going into a “in the past humans spoke with each other face-to-face myeh~” because that’s, at most, only part of the issue. I don’t know when, but at some point people kept cutting more and more people out of their circles due to differing opinions. This results in those social rejects to seek out anyone to speak with, both on and offline. Now, I do know why that happens. I forget where but I read somewhere that differing opinions trigger the same brain response as when a saber-toothed tiger rushes towards you: a fight-or-flight response.

I don’t know if it’s because of deliberate actions of some nefarious actors or just something that festered over time, but at some point the talking points between these groups of rejects became very extremist. But because nobody else would dare approach them with a 50′ pole (be it because they’re just that well hidden or their actions are really just that repulsive), their views go unchallenged.

Even further compounding the issue is all the news and media attention mass shooters have had received, especially around 2008-2017, but starting from Columbine (even though mass shootings took place before then, see Ecole Polytechnique of Montreal, QC, Canada). And given the nature of Cable News around this time (24 hour coverage of everything ever), this only emboldened a lot of these killers.

Now, to their credit, they did slow down on the reporting on the mass shooters’ profile and what have you, but because there’s enough of a backlog of previous mass shooters, it’ll still be a while before it all dies down. Not helping is that these incidents are becoming weirder and crazier, with the latest one specifically targetting Latin Americans and leaving a manifesto (in the same fashion as the guy in Christchurch, also racially motivated). Why? Because they know it’ll result in The Clicks. It’ll result in The Attention.

The same Attention they never received as kids.

Mix that with the utter nihilism, and this results in a horrific cocktail of terror.

Before any of my followers to the right of the aisle say any sort of Shen Bapiro style quip of sorts, this is not limited to The Far Right. I’m bringing them up because right now that seems to be The Big Discussion Point right now.

You may have noticed that I’ve not mentioned Donald Trump or his rhetoric. Let me first make things clear: I do not like Donald Trump. I do not like a lot of what he’s done, or what he’s said.

But the reason I’ve not mentioned Trump is simple:

This shit’s been happening since at least the Clinton administration. It’s only gotten this insane because it had the time to grow over a very long time.

You may have also noticed that I’ve barely mentioned firearms. Well I can tell you from personal experience it takes more than just a drum mag to drive people to want to kill (I’m so afraid of conflicts that I kept this entire essay below a cut).

I can tell you right now, for every one drum mag used in a massacre, one thousand of them have been used strictly in the range (be it an official one, something cobbled together in some redneck’s backyard, or as gun owners call it: “innawoods”). Most gun owners don’t even like those things for the simple fact that they’re expensive, heavy, and unreliable.

Somewhat off topic, but the whole “sensible gun laws” discussion infuriates me, for the simple fact that nobody can really agree on what “sensible” even is. For some, semi is acceptable but pinned to 10 or 5. Others will say semis are unacceptable altogether. Some will say no guns longer than certain amount, others will say no shorter. Some will say only some guns are acceptable based purely on what they’ve heard, and others will flat out reject guns altogether. Some say shotguns are fine but rifles aren’t, others say rifles are fine but shotguns aren’t.

The fact that everyone wanting “sensible gun laws” have wildly varying ideas of what “sensible” is makes the whole discussion not only pointless, it also assumes that the person declaring their view of “sensible” is in charge of what is sensible, and everyone else must follow it. A very self-centred approach, if you ask me.

All the while having zero clue as to what the hell they’re talking about.

If you made it this far, or just sort of skimmed through everything (I don’t blame you if the latter), here is a scene from Steven Universe that sums up what I’m saying (not perfectly, mind you, but the gist of it remains the same):

youtube

So the solution seems simple, yes? Re-integrate these extremists back into society, right?

Well, at this stage it’s not that easy.

And I hate to disappoint, but I don’t really have any answers. At least, one that can be summed up in even just a paragraph. Rather, the way I see it, every individual is a different case study as it is. We all need to approach things in that manner.

Because sweeping legislation of what people can or can’t say, use, or do will only work until it is used against them.

But hey, it’s the fault of a piece of metal and plastic, isn’t it?

#long post #long rant

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beedalee · 6 years ago

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Life Update

Well, it’s a week overdue- but now I have more context for my last post. Sorry this took so long to get to. Post includes family drama, breakups, and of course, complications for the moving situation and the second part of my Great Big Move of 2019. Details under the cut.

As I mentioned before a bit, I hadn’t been looking forward to coming back to my mom’s house. There’s a lot of family drama going on, and not even an hour after I landed my flight did I get inundated with updates on the latest fight.

Without going into too much detail, my sister and her boyfriend are likely seeing the end of their 4 year relationship. They live together with a mortgage and own dogs, so you can imagine the road to ending this is going to be long and exhausting and impossible to summarize. But the situation/complications change by the hour and it doesn’t seem like there will be a day where nothing dramatic happens for a while.

I’ve held back talking about this because, aside from it being personal and kind of hard to discuss (it’s not really my place to share it), this has been happening on and off for at least a year and we almost got used to the constant roller coaster. Everything to do with him or his family is insanely stressful and a tornado of drama. My sister is currently staying with us and taking steps to remove herself from him. I believe none of us are in any immediate danger or anything right now (he’s seeing a therapist so.. fingers crossed that he stops threatening her with suicide...) but it’s just... um. A bunch of stressful bullshit.

So... this ongoing issue has royally complicated my spring moving date.

He was originally our U-Haul driver, but I doubt this will be the case anymore as no one really wants him involved at this point even if they separate on decent terms.

@dyemelikeasunset and @caiterprince and I are re-configuring the moving plan and it may involve them coming up here instead to help us instead. It’s a more expensive option but unfortunately my family and I are.. pretty isolated out here and don’t have very many means of support. Movers are even more expensive and there’s a lot of shit I need to math out when I can.

Either way, we’ll only be able to do this after the dust settles a little bit on this relationship issue which may take.. well... I don’t really know how long. I’m trying to go day by day to get any idea or grasp of when I can start planning, but it’s so ambiguous and it fucking sucks. I hate this feeling of floating aimlessly and waiting for shit to change after all the progress we’ve made. I’m just so... frustrated, you guys.

To add insult to injury, we are all nearly snowed in lately as the snowfall has been more massive than ever before in my 13 years of living here. It goes up to my chest in some places and all of our cars (including his SUV with new tires) have gotten stuck repeatedly and I am still absolutely sore from digging and pushing... Trying to pack and load in this snow, and asking people that don’t drive large trucks normally to navigate this this awful weather is something I just... can’t do right now...

I’m also trying to finalize my anthology comic (very excited but also extremely stressed ahaha why do I pick the worst times to finally get involved in a project like this? why?) I also really wanted to also put up a few for-sale posts but this fucking weather... I don’t know if shipping is going to be reasonable for a few weeks? I could try but goddamn. I am currently slowly re-calibrating myself to pick up commissions where and whenever possible, but they are admittedly going to be slow.

So I’m just. Wow. I’ve developed a new relationship with Tired and Stressed. Sorry it’s such a not-great update, but I figure everyone would be wondering how the move is going... so....

TLDR; Moving plans are stalled in 4 feet of snow and because our former uhaul driver is a fucking asshole of a boyfriend and now I have to start planning from scratch while also trying to make enough money for rent and make time for my personal project! Basically!

Anyway. Yeah. Please look forward to some backlog art in the interim.💦

#personal #tw suicide mention #*tries not to get livid while i write this*#sorry so negative

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theflashdriver · 6 years ago

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Flowers

Decided Since I have a backlog of these I’d post some more gradually! No point in having half my hoard here, I might as well bring the whole thing! I really enjoy using nature to bring these two together, it’s probably because they’re from a place so devoid of it? Though this is an older one I hope you enjoy!

Silver was late; this was a first and Blaze couldn't help feeling concerned. She was stood before the fountain at the heart of the main island's town in the early afternoon; sun hanging high in a nearly cloudless sky, cobbled street beneath. The Princess could feel eyes upon her, her being outside the castle usually meant some kind of event; for better or worse. Oftentimes it meant some kind of invasion so understandably citizens were on edge. There were no festivities planned for today, likely further raising the townsfolk's suspicions, she'd wanted to treat her friend to lunch from a new bakery that had opened on the east side of town. She thought he'd probably enjoy sweet foods, having had so few in his destroyed future, and he'd never been late to a meeting before. She gripped her arm, tapping her foot; she'd give him just five more minutes before beginning to search. He could have gone anywhere with that power of his, any of the islands were within his reach… he might have overexerted, ran out of energy and fallen asleep on one. That was the best-case scenario at least; he could have gotten himself into some kind of trou-

"Blaze! Blaze!" She recognised his voice immediately, worry lingering in her heart she quickly turned to him but the sight wasn't nearly as cruel as she expected. He was untouched, unharmed, floating from the sky toward her with one hand waving and the other was held behind him. He landed before her, a sheepish smile on his face, "I'm sorry I'm late, I got a little distracted. I was in the forest."

He was uninjured, he'd delayed himself on accident; she was relieved yet at the same time felt a small twinge of disappointment. To break their perfect record over such a small thing, it wasn't a huge deal but she still felt some kind of disapproval. Her stance straightened, she folded her arms, "Well I'm glad you enjoyed yourself but try to keep better time. If you'd been any longer I would have set out searching for you, we might have missed this entirely." She couldn't help noticing that arm, still held behind him while the other was at his side. She tried not to stare, kept her eyes flickering between him and their surroundings.

"Oh, that makes sense. I'm really sorry, but I got you these; they just looked so pretty I couldn't just leave them there." And from behind his back Silver produced a dozen flowers bundled together, purple lilies with deep orange anther, and held them out to her. Immediately Blaze felt more eyes upon both of them, instantly Blaze felt her heat rise and went to scan Silver's face; only to see a kind smile. There wasn't a hint of embarrassment; there wasn't a touch of shyness to his face or even anticipation, no redness and no goofy expression. He looked exactly the same as he had upon arriving, now holding out a bouquet as though it were natural. She'd never known him to be this hard to read, the hedgehog wore his heart on his cuff and subtlety wasn't in his repertoire, yet he stood calm and regular having brought her a bouquet? This bordered on the unbelievable, he wasn't exactly being smooth but it showed a confidence and inclinations she'd never known from him.

She gently took the flowers, feeling the eyes of surrounding citizens weigh on her more and more with each passing second. She couldn't look him in the eyes, not with that unreadable expression on his face; she looked down to the flowers but only felt herself grow hotter and hotter. "Th-Thank you Silver, they're… they're wonderful, I had no idea you felt so strongly about this meeting. I suppose we are… I suppose this is kind of like a…" She was feeling a heat she had never felt before, overflowing with emotions; the weight of those watching crushed her but there was an additional weight in the centre of her chest, growing heavier with each passing second as she looked to the flowers. The word date hung on her tongue yet she was at a complete loss for words.

"Eh? Blaze, are you okay? You're quite red, have you got a fever or something? Is everything alright?" Her eyes snapped to him, his great golden orbs held a look of concern yet his face still wore no embarrassment? Neither fear nor even doubt in his actions, no matter how she looked at him she saw only concern for her wellbeing. He was leaning in now with a hand extended, previously this wouldn't have shocked her but with all these feelings bubbling she couldn't help but flinch slightly; "It's alright if you need to go rest, your health is more important than-

"No no! We'll go, we'll go!" She grabbed his hand with her free one, beginning to half march and half drag him toward the bakery; shoes clacking loudly on the cobbled pavement. She tried to avoid the gaze of others as she passed, almost attempting to hide her face behind the flowers. She was trying to keep her hands cool most of all, with emotions flaring like this she risked heating up too much and burning him, the flowers or both. This meant she could feel her face steaming so hot as to prompt recoil on touch. She dared to glance back to him over her shoulder and caught his eyes; she could see nothing but the usual smile and joyous light albeit with a twinge of confusion. Likely because she was leading the way quite so briskly, she willed herself to slow walking side by side with him, back to focusing on the flowers.

As she did so, still holding his hand quite tightly (her thumb overlapped his but their fingers weren't intertwined), he began to talk again. "Yeah I thought they were nice, I'm glad you like them so much. There weren't too many of them so I wanted to make sure you could see them, they're purple like you."

It was a simple statement that she usually wouldn't blink twice at but now it felt emotionally charged, like he was looking for things she'd enjoy in his everyday life. "Y-You're so naïve, don't pull up flowers for me again, it's not good for them. We'll just go see them together next time." He'd called the flowers pretty before and now he'd compared them to her fur, it was a roundabout way of calling her pretty but it stuck in Blaze's mind like a tack in her foot.

"Oh, alright sure! I've seen a bunch of places I'm sure you'd like… then again, this is your dimension… you've probably seen them all already right?" At the twinge of disappointment in his realisation her head whipped straight to him.

"No I'm sure I'd love it regardless, don't worry about whether or not I've seen anything it'll be a new experience seeing it with you." She almost stumbled over the word love but forced herself to say it, she was feeling a lot of brand new complex emotions quite suddenly. All of their prior actions were being recontextualized in her mind, from the days they'd slept together in crisis city to the smallest of hugs and hand holds all the way to her own sacrifice. Each of these actions now appeared more intimate in Blaze's eyes, a romantic context she hadn't even considered now plainly apparent.

"Oh alright well I found this cool mountain lake if you want to visit there tomorrow." Blaze felt her tail and ears shoot straight; she shot him a glance and was again met with that unreadable, regular, smile. She looked back to the flowers. This event that she was now certain he viewed as a date, and she couldn't help but do so too, wasn't even over yet he was already asking her on another? For the first time in her life she was feeling slow, Silver had completely slipped the rug from beneath her and showing an interest she had never seen before. Suddenly she felt him stop, interrupting her train of thought, his right hand reached out and touched her forehead, recoiling a little at the heat before pressing into it; "You're burning up quite a lot Blaze, are you certain you're alright? I know when you get sick the fever can be rather intense."

They were two buildings away from the bakery, Blaze let herself stop and turned to him; keeping hold of his right hand. "I'm fine Silver, I just… I didn't think you cared so much about today and I wasn't expecting the flowers. I'm fine I just wasn't prepared for all of this, I need to sort out some feelings."

"Well of course, every day with you is important to me Blaze and I thought you might like the flowers but I didn't think you'd care this much. I'm glad I picked them! If you say you're okay then let's keep going." He was still so naïve, despite turning her into this boiling mess he was still the same Silver. She felt far too embarrassed to go into this bakery and order, she wasn't sure she'd be able to get the works out; let alone flowers in hand. They finished the journey, arriving outside the bakery, and Blaze quickly spotted a nearby bench.

She released their handhold, rummaging through her pockets and producing her purse. "Just get me something for lunch, a pastry with meat or something and tea if they sell it; just milk. Get whatever you want." She didn't have the energy to give intricate instructions right now, let alone with how new Silver was to purchasing… hopefully nothing would go wrong. She lowered herself onto the bench, setting the flowers down next to her; she took a deep breath and ran a hand down her face. This was fine, she could deal with this, they'd have lunch, go their separate ways and she could figure this all out. She kept her eyes glued to the pavement, the once cold metal bench already warmed beneath her. This had come completely out of the blue, they'd been going on outings like this ever since he'd arrived in her dimension… had they all been dates? What was happening? She could feel her body slowly cooling; she was almost over this, they could have a more serious conversation about this. It was quite sudden but, by what she was feeling in her chest and thinking to their past, this love was not unrequited. She picked the flowers back up, examining them. They were already beginning to wilt a little, she'd have to get them into water quite soon if she wanted them to last through tomorrow. As she picked up the flowers, however, attempting to focus, she could feel eyes shift to her once again. She was a monarch here; her actions well known, word of her and the flowers would spread let alone Silver. She could feel her temperature begin to rise again as Silver exited the bakery, foodstuffs hovering around him and purse in hand.

She set the flowers across her legs as he returned her purse, floating her a cup as well as a paper bag. "I'm not sure if it was expensive or not but they had tea and that's a pasty I think? It has chicken in it, that's for certain." She could certainly smell it, some pepper and cheese also.

"I'm sure it will be good Silver, thank you." She would sip the tea without worrying about the temperature, gently patting the bench next to her. He lowered himself, a similar bag and paper cup floating into his hands. Blaze sat the drink beneath her, she could feel the heat spreading once again but knew she would have to act now and make things clear. He opened his bag, producing what looked and smelt to be an apple muffin of sorts… it wasn't good nutrition but as she had expected, he seemed to enjoy sweet foods. She gently looped her right arm around him… not quite his waist but lower than his shoulders, "So, have you been feeling this way for a while? I didn't know you were… I didn't think you…"

He'd taken a bite and went to talk but seemingly remembering one of the things she'd taught him he swallowed first. "Feel what way Blaze?" Almost instinctively he copied her movement, wrapping an arm around her. The heat surged, she could smell the flowers beginning to cook in her lap, there hadn't been a moment of hesitation from him; not a blink.

She took a deep breath, "…Well, you brought me flowers and I didn't realise that you were… such a romantic sort. Old fashioned even."

At that Silver's face went from the dopey happiness of eating the apple muffin, the taste perhaps a little too much for him, to purest scarlet; ears pointing high into the air. "W-W-What? Romantic? I... the flowers?"

Blaze blinked twice, suddenly the heat within her was vanishing and a cold taking its place. "Yes, the flowers. The kind people bring on dates and give to their loved ones… it's a romantic thing."

Silver's eyes widened, she could feel him trembling against her; "I…I didn't know that flowers. Meant that, I just thought they were pretty and purple like you and-

"I see." She brought her hand back, looking down at the pasty. The heat had vanished and with it so had the hunger she had been feeling. Her breath slowed, she hadn't considered that this might be an option. Silver was from the future, a destroyed future of another world no less. It was always possible that he had no idea what this gesture meant, what any of his gestures might have meant. Now she was left with their history contextualised by romantic inclinations unreturned, a cold and empty feeling in her chest to replace the bubbling warmth she had been feeling. The flowers on her legs were no longer burning but a small smoke wisp billowed up from them.

And yet his hand was still lingering on her side, she turned to him with her brows furrowed only to find his eyes were closed; his redness remained across his face. "I-I guess I-I should… I want to?" He squeaked, still shaking quite a lot. "I-I didn't mean anything by the flowers but that d-doesn't mean I don't… uhm…" He was positively squirming now, feet crossing and uncrossing constantly. "I guess I… I think I would… I'm…"

She felt the warmth spread in her chest again, he was acting far more like she'd expected when he'd first gifted the flowers. He hadn't said anything of significance and yet there was already a blush on his face, he was struggling to meet her eyes and with every second word there was a shift based in a deeply set uncertainty. His left hand was on his knee with the right still coiled around her, it seemed to be taking the sum total of his will to maintain this loose grasp. Blaze could read him completely. She took a deep breath and returned her arm around him; this time around his waist. "If you're not ready to have this talk that's fine, we've… we've opened the door on this. We don't have to go through it yet if you're not prepared." She was taking the lead; yes this was far closer how she'd imagined things might go on those quiet nights. "After today a lot of new thoughts have been brought to the forefront of my mind, I think I would like to but there's no reason to rush this."

Silver seemed to have relaxed a little bit at that, taking a few breaths and a second to think; "I… I need to do some research, have I done things like this before? Like the flowers before? I-I mean if we were going to be like… together together, I-I'd have to do more right?"

"Well." Blaze nodded to the hand around her side. "Our relationship has always been closer than is typical. I'm not certain how much things would really change." She was still far from regular, redness to her cheeks and a heat still present, but she had calmed down enough to explain these things to him. "Bringing me flowers, while in some ways a step up, is generally a step down from the closeness we shared in that city. It's just more… blatant than past actions, I believe would be how to phrase it."

"R-Right… okay. Alright, I think I can do this." She felt the grip around her side tighten a little, there was less shaking but he was thoroughly reddened. "I-I'll get some books, I'll figure out what I should be doing a-and-

"You're doing fine Silver, if you want to research I won't stop you but this was… this was pretty good. You were romantic and sweet without even intending to be." Blaze took a sip of her tea; while she was enjoying this they couldn't let the food go cold. Soon she'd be back to her station, Gardon might scold her for being late as it was. She took a bite of the pasty, sipped some tea but it was clearly still a little too hot for him but he fought through it. She knew eyes were still upon them, but now that it was clearer how he felt she could relax slightly. She tried to make idle conversation, pry through the awkwardness; " So, you've been enjoying your time here then, visiting natural places. I suppose it's a nice change."

Silver nodded, only a little of his muffin left already; "I-I have been enjoying it, I think it's nice to see so many different coloured things; everything's so vibrant." A light had returned to his eyes, cutting through the embarrassment; "I think I love it here, there are so many happy people and of course you're here and we're back together and things are just… things are nice now."

"I'm glad," She smiled, having finished her meal. "We'll part ways, for now, I'm sure Gardon's worried, but I should have more time tomorrow. We could prepare and go to that lake if you wanted?"

"O-Of course! Yeah, there's tons of stuff up there I want you to see and you might know some other paths and… y-yeah sure!" His hand gently left her side as he finished the muffin, drink still in hand, hers retracted from his waist as she disposed of the remains in a nearby bin.

She nodded to him; "Well, same time and place tomor-

His hand had grasped hers, there was redness clear to his face but he was looking at the pavement. Fingers were interlocked; his thumb had snuck beneath hers. The light of his symbol pulsing was obvious, even in the daylight. "W-We didn't do much, so can I walk you back to the-

"Yes, yes of course!" The heat was back in full force, slightly melted flowers in her right hand and Silver holding her left. She couldn't help releasing an initial warmth through her palms, cringing slightly, but he fought through it as her hand quickly cool. They'd slowly make their way back to the castle; at least she wasn't alone in her embarrassment this time.

#silvaze #Blaze the Cat #Silver the Hedgehog #silverxblaze #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #fanfic #silver #blaze

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nanonaturalist · 6 years ago

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Using iNaturalist Tutorial 1: Making Observations (Mobile App)

Welcome to the first part in a series of tutorials on using the world-wide citizen science website/app/paradise that is iNaturalist [link]. They have their own tutorials on using the website [link], but *coughs* they haven’t been updated in a while and the interface changed a little.

I’m trying to encourage tumblr peeps to try out iNaturalist, so I created an “iNatters of tumblr” group [link] for us all to see what everybody else encounters, help each other ID things, and otherwise just have a fun time while contributing to science! Want to join us? Just create an account on iNaturalist, and either send me your username (on tumblr or on iNat!) and/or follow the group (click the button in the top right corner of the group page). I will add you to the list of identifiers, and all of your observations, past and present, will be added to the group! Check out my tagged posts about this project! [link]

Figuring out any new website or app can be confusing and frustrating, and I hope these tutorials will make it easier to start using iNaturalist. If anything I say is unclear, confusing, or doesn’t match what you see, just let me know and I will update this tutorial with a better explanation.

These tutorials are image-heavy and kinda long, so they will be under a cut. Note: I have the iPhone version of the app, so you may see a slightly different interface on another device.

Observation Tutorial Part 1: Making Observations with the Mobile App

First Thing’s First! Let’s check out your settings!

Most of these settings are self-explanatory. Automatic Upload The app defaults to automatic upload, which means it will start uploading your observations as soon as you save them. If you are doing a bioblitz, or are in an area with limited cell reception, this option can slow down the app and drain your battery. If you turn off this option, you will need to push the “upload” button to post your observations so others can see them.

Suggest Species This option is MAGICAL. It was first rolled out about a year ago, and HOLY CARP it’s pretty good! But, it does have limitations. First, it requires a good signal and can slow you down and eat up your battery. Also, it works based off a machine-learning system from observations previously uploaded and verified on iNaturalist. What this means: The identify tool can only successfully identify things that have been observed and identified by other real humans. Also, it only uses your main photo (the first one), and it can get thrown off if it was taken at a weird angle, or if there is lots of other stuff in the background (like plants, rocks, other bugs). And, very important to note: it does not take your location into consideration. There is a very heavy user-base in New Zealand, so it is fairly common for species that only occur in New Zealand to be suggested. So, use your best judgement. If you think something is a Booger Beetle, but the app suggests Snot Weevil, ignore the app. OR, you can stick to a higher classification (Beetles) and come back to it later. You can always change your mind!

iNaturalist Network You don’t really need to worry about this too much. There are a bunch of “flavors” of iNaturalist, and which network you select is the one your data will stick to in the event that the iNaturalist Network breaks up. They are more or less regional. More information about the networks here [link]

Okay, let’s take some photos!

Wow, nice! You have two options for making observations with the mobile app. Option 1: Take the photo now, worry about iNat later Option 2: Take the photo using the iNat app

I recommend choosing Option 1 if you are taking photos of things that may move, because the app has a bit of a delay, and the quality tends to not be as good. I use Option 1 almost exclusively, because it’s easier to take my photos and do bulk uploads when I’m inside and not being chased by mosquitos. Option 2 is better if your subject isn’t moving too fast, and if you are just observing a couple things (and also if you don’t want to build up a several-month-long backlog of photos on your phone...).

You can take and select multiple photos! Try to get different angles, and photograph different parts of your subject to help with IDs later.

Advanced iNatter Option If you take photos with your phone to upload later, you have the option of annotating your photos! This is helpful if you have more than one specimen in the photo, or if your specimen is well camouflaged. You can also point out important features, like I did below. Any edits you do to your photos before you upload them can really help out people who do IDs!

Regardless of which option you choose, you will end up at your observation page!

Adding identifications to your observations

From your observation page (on the left above), you can add more photos, add an ID, write notes, and edit time and location information. More on those options later! First, let’s click “What did you see?” to get to the ID page.

If you have “Suggest species” turned on, the app guesses what you saw. Clicking the information symbol to the right will show you more information on each species to help you decide if that ID is a good fit. Feel free to pick whatever you think is closest, and other people will agree with you OR suggest other identifications later.

If you know what you saw, or if you have a guess, go ahead and type it into the search bar. If you have autocomplete on, it will (guess what!) autocomplete what you are typing. If you have a slow connection, LOOK OUT because you might accidentally select the wrong ID due to lag.

Editing Location and Privacy

Depending on your phone’s privacy settings, your photos will automatically have a GPS stamp on them, so if you are adding photos to iNat later, you usually don’t need to worry about remembering where you took them. If you have this feature turned off for your phone, that’s fine! Or, if you have that option turned on, and your photos are GPS tagged, you can still protect your privacy while keeping the location data useful for scientists and researchers.

If you are wondering, “Why is location even important? Why should I bother?” There are a couple answers! First, there are very few species present worldwide. For the most part, in order to identify something, it is essentially to know where it was. Sometimes, you can be vague, and just stating the country is good enough detail to identify something (common for larger animals, like birds and mammals, and larger plants like trees). But other times, you need to be extremely specific. Some insects look nearly identical to each other, but there will be different species living on one side of a mountain range vs the other side, even if they are only 20 miles apart. And also, researchers who are tracking the movement of species in response to climate change can benefit from having access to accurate data--showing that a species of plant is appearing even several miles north each year is crucial to understanding how to manage environmental stewardship.

If you are out and about, and have GPS phototagging on, you don’t really need to edit your location (unless you want to!). If you have GPS tagging off, or the location data was a little off, OR you want to protect your privacy (observations at your house, for example), here’s what ya do:

Click the area on your observation page with location (I blanked those details out of my screencap). You will be taken to a map. Clicking the green arrow takes you to your current location. You can zoom in or out of the map (unfortunately, you can’t just type in an address on the mobile app, but you CAN on the website, and you CAN edit posts you made from the mobile app on the website later!). When the location you want is centered on the map, zoom in or out to set your accuracy (if you can’t remember where you were, but you KNOW you were somewhere in Austin, you would basically do what I have above in my map).

If you don’t want to edit the location, but you don’t want the entire world to know where your photos were taken, you can change the GeoPrivacy setting (kinda cut off in the screencap, but it’s directly underneath location). You can select three options: Open: Everybody can see where your observations were made Obscured: iNaturalist will create large square that contains your true location at some random point within the square. All observations with obscured coordinates will be randomly assigned to one point in that square. Only you can see those coordinates (one exception is if you join a very specific type of project, and you have opted-in to let project curators see obscured coordinates). Private: No location information is shared. You may select this option if you want, BUT keep in mind it will be very difficult for people to help identify your observations! For more information on GeoPrivacy, iNaturalist provides more information here [link]

Adding Observations to Projects

iNaturalist has many different kinds of projects [link]. The “iNatters of tumblr” project is a “collection” project type, which automatically adds observations meeting specific criteria (in our case, all observations made by users I have added to the project). Another type of of project, the “traditional” project type, was originally the only type of project available. It’s great for collecting some very specific observations that you can’t really search for. Two of my favorites are “Mating Behaviour” and “Animated Observations” [both are links]. The downside of these kinds of projects is somebody has to manually add each observation to the project. If you have joined one of these kinds of projects, you can link them to your observation before you save it. You can also add observations to projects any time later.

To link your observation with a project, you must have joined a project first. Afterwards, just click the button and you’re done!

Saving and Uploading

You’re almost done! Just ONE final step. Save!!! Click the big green SAVE button at the bottom, and you see your beautiful observation:

If you have Auto Uploads turned off, you need to click the upload button to start uploading. That’s it! Congratulations!

If you take your photos with a camera, or if you want to upload a BUNCH of observations at one time, you will want to make your observations on the website, rather than the mobile app. Making observations on the iNaturalist website will be the subject of Tutorial 2!

September 18, 2018

#this post took me three hours you're welcome #tumblr inat project #inaturalist #inat #citizen science #inat tutorial #how to #informational #time to go home #insects #beetles

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eirikrjs · 6 years ago

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What's your writing process like? You're so eloquent (even when answering tumblr asks ... the serious replies, anyway) and it's inspiring me to get to that level.

Awesome, I’m happy and flattered to be an inspiration! Never had my writing described as “eloquent,” so thanks for that! :)

So, I typically write for three different formats, each with its own approach but with some commonalities.

#1: Tumblr posts

Answering Tumblr asks first and foremost always starts with the good intentions to actually delve into the ask backlog. In reality, this almost never happens and I default to the first page in my inbox. It’s not technically writing but choosing asks is key to this whole process. I love ones I can answer in a sentence (or image) or two but many involve taking the time to research or fact-check. I like those too, but if they require too much of an involved effort they are more likely to go unanswered, as I only have so much time. Lately I’ve only been able to do Tumblr stuff after 11PM EST. Though I want to put much of the blame on Tumblr itself because if there was a way to tag or favorite certain asks for later (and save drafts of ask replies), I’d get a lot more done. But hey, it’s a site made mostly for sharing images, so what can you expect?

Ask frequency varies but since this is perceived as a Shin Megami Tensei blog, activity naturally increases around the time of new SMT releases, where I can get 10 or so asks a day, especially if I’m active that particular day. Since we’re in the middle of an SMT drought, activity has really dried up. I still try to answer an average of three per day.

As for my actual writing and style, I personally perceive myself as a slow writer. I believe this is so because in real life I tend towards being a perfectionist with most things I do. I proofread an average length post of 2-3 paragraphs at least three or four times. One of those average length posts will take me about 20-30 minutes to write, more if there are images involved.

Another self-perception is a preference for direct language and communication. That’s why I was surprised you called my writing “eloquent,” as I like to be straightforward and succinct, workmanlike. That said, I also am sometimes frustrated that my English lexicon isn’t grander than it is, so I often use a thesaurus to brush up. But it’s never about interjecting superfluous flair or purple prose but instead the right word that could stand in for three or four others and create better sentence flow.

#2 Long-form articles

Many of the articles I’ve written grew naturally out of Tumblr posts and asks to lengths that would be inappropriate for the Tumblr format, compounded with the problem of Tumblr’s limited (read: single option) image formatting.

When I start work on long articles, I usually go analog and write outlines and other notes in a notebook. Being away from a screen and listening to music helps stimulate my brain. Music is especially important but mostly for #3, below.

After jotting down what I plan to achieve, I often jump right in to Word or Google Docs and start writing the real text for whatever my head wants to spill at that particular moment. However, I burn out quickly here because, more often than not, I like to have properly cited sources to back up my claims and, like the Tumblr asks, researching can take a while! It’s not just about finding sources and pasting in the right quotes but understanding their context and ensuring they are used appropriately in support of an argument. It’s like every college paper I ever did, only I’ve actually cared about these!

Revision is key, as is being willing to trim dead branches. For example, from initial concept to publication, it took me around 10 months to finish all three parts of SMT’s Identity Crisis. Within about three months I had an article that was about 70% "finished,” but it was meandering and amateurish. It had a clear thesis but an inconsistent voice. It was difficult to do but I wrote a new draft that cut out much I previously thought important. It was the right call, the new draft, the current text, was clearer and better delineated. Subsequent articles have logically taken less time to write as I’ve gained experience with the format, all but the Odin one this past summer; it took me almost a year after I kept piling on new ideas, observations, and the silly notion to simultaneously reveal a website and a long-secret project.

All the same vocab and proofreading rules from #1 still apply, though scaled appropriately. I must have read the finalized Identity Crisis a few dozen times before it was published--and I still found typos much later, to my chagrin!

I treat article images as levity providers, something I hope helps retain reader interest throughout what are often lengthy documents. This is influenced by the humorous alt texts often employed by defunct gaming site The GIA, an outfit that probably made the biggest single impact on my games writing. Andrew Vestal’s Vagrant Story review not only convinced me to play the game, likely my favorite ever, for the longest time I considered it the standard for a game review. When I wrote the Vagrant Story piece for Hardcore Gaming 101, I deliberately included images similar to those of the Vestal review and alt texts (which HG101 typically didn’t or doesn’t use) as tribute.

#3 Creative stuff

I rarely talk about my original creations, if ever (I mean, talk about defunct sites--but I promise it won’t always be that way), but they do exist! I’ve been writing creatively since I was 11. Much of it bad, but that’s okay! (You’ll never see that stuff!)

We’re all influenced by the media we consume and I’m no different. For me this most plainly manifests through music, historically mostly video game soundtracks. In the past I would listen separately to soundtracks from games I already knew front and back to absorb the tone and mood of the music, which I’d then turn into various ideas (still mostly in notebooks, though that’s changing). For the longest time I thought listening to instrumental music was the key to promoting pure, imaginative ideas, but since Wisdom Eternal: 1973 is technically a period piece I’ve been listening to classic rock and having just as much luck inspiring the old noggin. It also helps that ‘70s rock influenced most of the game music I like!

The previous point made me realize something: when I criticize modern SMT, for example, I’ve also been unconsciously making the statement “I don’t want this to influence me.” Though, ironically, acknowledging those flaws has been hugely influential on how NOT to approach certain things. “We are what we eat,” and that equally applies to consumed media. Some of my older creative works that I now deem to be bad were the result of a limited pool of influences, mostly JRPGs. Very much akin to light novel-caliber writing and concepts, which are often similarly criticized for their extremely narrow range of influences too often focused on literal conflict and not empathetic, realistic characterization.

This post has been going on for a while, but one last thing I’ll say about my creative writing is just how slow the process can be. It’s slower than writing a research-heavy article, just because the idea or two you need to link certain plot threads can’t always be forced out of your brain. In my case, namely the subject of mythology and religion in a narrative, it’s not just writer’s block, it’s about being well-read enough to know (Y) about a particular culture in order to solve (X) narrative problem. Ya gotta read and you gotta read the right stuff, though what the right stuff is will of course vary depending on your own goals.

This was a fun ask that took me just over 2 hours to write, so I hope it’s helpful for you! Honestly, I could have said more but enough’s enough. That said, in the past I’ve tried adopting other writers’ processes to help my own only to find I couldn’t harmonize with their methods. But it’s something you’ll only find out as you write more and better understand what methods are comfortable for you. I can attest, that can take many years. Good luck!

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your-dietician · 2 years ago

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Housing Market, Exports Will Slump, Fed Has Hiked Enough

New Post has been published on https://medianwire.com/housing-market-exports-will-slump-fed-has-hiked-enough/

Housing Market, Exports Will Slump, Fed Has Hiked Enough

Paul Krugman sees a housing-market slump and a drop in exports hitting the US economy over time.

The Nobel laureate said the Fed has likely raised interest rates high enough to crush inflation.

Krugman warned further rate hikes and a stronger dollar could destabilize the financial system.

The US economy is set to suffer a painful housing-market downturn and a material drop in exports, and that likely means the Federal Reserve has already done enough to conquer inflation, Paul Krugman has said.

The central bank has rapidly raised interest rates this year in response to the rate of price rises hitting 40-year highs.

Krugman, a Nobel Prize-winning economist, outlined in a recent New York Times column how higher interest rates weigh on demand for housing, as they pass through into higher rates for mortgage borrowing. That leads to less construction, people in that industry spending less, and eventually the wider economy slowing down.

While building-permit applications have dropped off, construction employment hasn’t started shrinking yet — probably because there’s a backlog of housing projects that were started before rates rose, Krugman said.

As a result, he doesn’t expect higher rates to tank home prices and housing demand any time soon.

“The wider economic effects of the coming housing slump are still many months away,” he said.

Krugman also emphasized that the US dollar’s surge to a 20-year high this year has made American exports less competitive and imports more affordable, and that represents a headwind for domestic growth.

“Falling exports and rising imports will eventually be a major economic drag,” he said. “But it takes time to shift to new suppliers, so this effect won’t really happen until next year.”

Krugman laid out a couple of other reasons why he sees inflation waning. For one, he pointed to flagging demand for apartments, as rent growth is a key driver of price increases.

He also noted that trans-Pacific shipping costs have plummeted from about $21,000 a container in September 2021, to around $2,300 today. That suggests the supply chain disruptions during the pandemic, which sparked widespread shortages and fueled inflation, are clearing up, he said.

“I’d argue that these indicators tell us that the Fed has already done enough to ensure a big decline in inflation — but also, all too possibly, a recession,” he said.

The Fed’s hikes have lifted rates from near zero in March to upwards of 3%, and the aggressive policy has fanned fears it has overreacted to inflation and will tank the US economy.

In his column, Krugman underscored the mounting risk of a banking crisis or market meltdown, citing Britain’s recent government-bond fiasco as an example of the kind of chaos that rapid rate hikes and a powerful dollar could cause.

“We don’t want to let financial markets dictate the Fed’s policy, but that doesn’t mean it should ignore financial dangers,” he said.

The Nobel laureate’s view is that the Fed could go overboard in fighting inflation, as its rate hikes so far haven’t taken full effect and the inflation data it tracks lags reality. He doubled down on that stance in a Twitter thread on Saturday.

“Never mind what inflation and jobs data are saying right now; there’s a lot of reduction in inflationary pressures — and a lot of drag on output and employment — already in the pipeline,” he said. “Do you really think we’ve seen anything like the full effects of the financial tightening that has already happened?”

“I see a strong case that the Fed has already done enough,” he added. “You want to shoot ahead of a moving target, not behind it.”

Read more: Goldman Sachs: These 40 stocks have the most upside right now as the early October market rally unwinds

Read the full article here

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architectnews · 3 years ago

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New UK Housing: British Housebuilding

New British Homes, Property in England, Building, ONS House Price Index 2021, Architect

New UK Housing: Housebuilding News

UK Residential Property Expansion + Housebuilding Issues: Reaction to Budget

3 August 2021

UK commercial premises conversion to residential property

This week the Government’s new rules have come into effect making it easier for commercial premises to be converted into residential property. While this might seem like a welcome change, will we really see the high street and office blocks converted into flats – it surely won’t be that easy, says Savio D’Costa, Commercial Real Estate Partner at JMW Solicitors:

“With demand clearly outstripping supply for housing, it is extremely sensible to make it easier to convert building usage for different purposes. As shops move online and restaurants and bars struggle to turn a profit, converting those properties to homes will help meet the high demand for residential housing. However, it’s not as straightforward as it might first appear. These rules have overlooked certain basic requirements – such as being able to convert external facades.

“In addition, the juxtaposition of commercial premises coexisting with residential housing such as in office blocks also has its drawbacks and could change the business district environment altogether.”

16 June 2021

UK House Price Rise

ONS House Price Index Rise

Today’s ONS House Price Index shows that the average UK house price rose by 8.9% in the year to April 2021.

Jamie Johnson, CEO of FJP Investment, said: “While today’s ONS’s data reaffirms what most of us already knew, which is that house prices have risen significantly throughout the first half of the year, we have to remember that there is a time delay with this index. We are receiving insight into the state of the market in April, not right now. This is important because, as the stamp duty holiday approaches, we are really waiting to see if the house price growth continues, plateaus or falls across June, July and into summer.

“The rate of growth has slowed slightly according to ONS, and I expect this trend to continue once the initial stamp duty holiday deadline passes on 30 June. However, given the scheme tapers down rather than coming to an immediate end, this should help avoid any shocks in the property market. Ultimately, demand will not disappear overnight, and the pandemic has demonstrated once again that both homebuyers and investors see bricks and mortar as a safe bet during times of economic uncertainty.”

Paresh Raja, CEO of Market Financial Solutions said: “We are in the eye of a perfect storm, with multiple factors contributing to house prices increasing at a remarkable rate. The role of the stamp duty holiday is well documented. But we must also acknowledge that the pandemic has forced homeowners to reconsider their priorities, prompting many to list their properties and look for new homes. At the same time, the Bank of England’s record low base rate makes borrowing more affordable, while we are also seeing more investors gravitating towards real estate as a reliable asset class in the current climate.

“Given these multiple factors, not to mention the backlog of deals still waiting to be completed, there is every reason to believe prices will continue to increase in the second half of 2021, even if the rate of growth eases off, as was seemingly the case in April when compared to March. The stamp duty holiday might be about to begin its taper back to normal levels, but it would be foolish to assume this will reverse the past year’s progress.”

30 Sep 2020

Impact Of Covid-19 on UK Housebuilding

New Figures Show Impact Of Covid-19 On Housebuilding Rates

Quarterly housing starts and completions lowest since 2000

Industry calls for assistance to construction sector

Wednesday 30 September 2020 – The number of new build homes started or completed in England between April and June 2020 fell to their lowest levels since the year 2000as Covid-19 hit the construction industry, according to new figures published today.

The figures also show, despite Covid, a longer-term decline in housing starts and completions, with the number of homes started or completed in the year to June 2020 also showing a sharp fall.

According to the Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government, the indicators of new housing supply figures should be regarded as a leading indicator of overall supply.

They show:

The number of dwellings where building work has started on site was 15,930 in April to June 2020 – a 52% decrease when compared to the last quarter. It also follows a recent trend of a slowdown in growth with six of the last six quarters showing a decrease. Starts are 67% below their March quarter 2007 peak and are 7% below the previous trough in the March quarter of 2009. It is the lowest quarterly starts figure in the seasonally adjusted time series (which begins in the year 2000).

There were 121,630 estimated new build dwellings starts in the year to June 2020, a 26 per cent decrease compared to the year to June 2019.

The number of dwellings completed on site was 15,390 in April to June 2020. This is a 62% decrease compared to the last quarter and 64% below their level in the same quarter a year ago. Completions are now 67% below their peak in the March quarter 2007 and 37% below the previous trough in March quarter 2013. It is the lowest quarterly completions figure in the seasonally adjusted time series (which begins in the year 2000).

An estimated 147,180 new build dwellings were completed in the year to June 2020, a decrease of 15 per cent compared to the year to June 2019.

Clive Docwra, managing director of property and construction consultancy McBains said:

“Today’s statistics bear out the huge impact that Covid-19 – and in particular the Spring lockdown – has had on housebuilding rates.

“The government target of building a million new homes in the new five years was always going to be a steep challenge, but the pandemic has dealt a heavy blow to that ambition.

“The industry is now facing a double-whammy – trying to recover from the impact of Covid but also suffering from the uncertainty over a Brexit deal – with investors holding off putting money into new developments until the picture on a withdrawal agreement becomes clearer.

“The Government will no doubt point to its recent planning White Paper as the answer to building more homes, saying that it will mean ‘permission in principle’ will be given to developments on land designated for renewal to speed-up building, but the uncertainty and resulting fluctuating values driven by Covid and Brexit are reducing the incentive on developers to build in the short term.

“The government could address this by temporarily staggering or deferring Section 106 planning obligations – where developers are asked to provide contributions for community infrastructure – so that developers are encouraged to complete housebuilding projects as soon as possible.”

Recent UK housing news on e-architect:

New UK homes for the North and Midlands

13 August 2020

UK Residential Market News

Rental Sector Strength Comment

We post comment below in response to the RICS monthly residential market survey.

Elisabeth Kohlbach, CEO of Skwire comments: “Doom and gloom surrounding the news that the UK residential market is set for a ‘bust’ in the coming months overlooks a bright spot in a major segment of the residential market – the rental sector.

“The PRS sector is a growing part of the UK’s housing mix and the demand for this part of the market is not going away. Moreover, with lenders introducing a range of restrictions to cope with the spike in demand for mortgages following the announcement of stamp duty relief, many would-be buyers are struggling to get on the ladder and will no doubt turn to the rental market once again.

“While traditional destinations for BTR investors, such as London, may no longer be as attractive as remote workers flock to towns and cities beyond the capital, investors should look to the regions, which offer an exciting and untapped opportunity. Institutional investors should look beyond the traditional high density city-centre developments and seize the opportunity to tap into a rich pool of existing stock across the UK.”

7 August 2020

UK house prices rise in July

Halifax House Price Index for July 2020

Halifax has this morning released its House Price Index for July, showing that house prices have risen month-on-month and year-on-year in reaction to the Stamp Duty Land Tax holiday introduced earlier in the month.

While this is positive news for the sector, can this momentum be maintained?

Jamie Johnson, CEO of FJP Investment “Today’s House Price Index shows that the stamp duty holiday is having its desired effect, encouraging buyers and sellers to make a cautious return back to the property market. The release of pent-up demand is driving up house prices, slowly making up for the losses that were incurred at the height of the pandemic.

“The big question now is whether this initial burst in activity can be maintained over the next few months. Will house prices continue to grow; or will the momentum fizzle out? There is no clear answer at present. Nonetheless, today’s House Price Index makes the case for cautious optimism.

“Importantly, I do not believe the coronavirus has dampened investor demand for UK real estate. Property’s resilience and ability to quickly recover any losses in value in times of crises makes it a top asset class for both domestic and overseas buyers. Once there is greater certainty about the future of COVID-19 and the post-pandemic recovery, I anticipate buyer demand to return in full force.”

8 July 2020

UK Stamp Duty Changes

8 July 2020 Chancellor’s ‘mini budget’ for green jobs misses mark on transport and housing, says to CPRE

Commenting on the Chancellors ‘mini budget’, Tom Fyans, campaigns and policy director at CPRE, the countryside charity, said:

‘While we have seen promising starts on energy efficiency and shoring up rural hospitality businesses, the Chancellor has missed major opportunities to begin building back better when it comes to transport and housing investment.’

Read more at UK Summer Statement Response

8 July 2020 RIBA reacts to Chancellor’s ‘Plan for Jobs’

“The RIBA has long advocated for a ‘green’ post-COVID recovery, so I welcome the Chancellor’s efforts to put sustainability front and centre of today’s announcements.”