#sleeping tonight will be hell.
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pain.
#sleeping tonight will be hell.#listen. i wanted to stretch my earlobes. both of em. mistake.#i mean. maybe not a big mistake. they'll look cool sometime. but rn.... >:(#ones at 4 gauge & the other at 6gauge? one at 5 mm and one at 4 mm#at least these werent as bad to put in. from unstretched to 2.5 mm in one go took a BIT. more painful and a struggle aswell#anyway =w=bb#sillyposting
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i am asleep much in the way that Wally is asleep. that is to say, I Am Not Sleeping
#gave it my best shot for a minute there#really made an effort. its Not Working#see this is what happens when your sleep schedule is Fucked and you usually go to bed when the sun comes up#on a normal night id be jammin to tunes. scribbling with reckless abandon#tonight however i am at Someone Elses place so i need to be Quiet#i need to Sleep i am Driving tomorrow#brain wont cooperate tho. brains a bitch. id like to be unconchus#OH SHIT OH!!! I DO HAVE A JOKE I CAN MAKE BARNABY USE!!!#I HAVE A COUPLE OF OCEAN BASED ONES! FUCK!#sorry train of thought took a detour#im tired. today was mostly very good. had lots of Fun <3#experienced something new! several somethings!!#and now im lamenting my wide-awakeness in a dark room#my hunting gathering badass self is Bored as Hell#and so: wally scribble of him sharing my woes#scribble salad#not gonna tag it as anything else
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Boobs of the day? maybe today is the day? XD
#you are beyond dedicated sweet anon#i am still sick to the 9 hells and back but you have been ever so patient#i tortured my sleep pattern tonight for this#i took like 50 and this one had the least amount of effort but probably turned out as the best..#me#girls with piercings#gamer girls of tumblr#🎮🎮🎮#i hope you enjoy your gift 😘
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you cannot tell me exandrians are the only ones who'd fuck an alien
#how many pc's would sleep with aliens? a lot right?#i feel like there's a lot of potential for a meme/alignment chart template on this topic#might make one later tonight or tomorrow#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#cr shitpost#cr memes#critical role memes#bells hells#ruidus#reiloran
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Bubby abruptly started feeling super nauseous around 6pm. He was his usual cheerful and energetic self all day until then. He's not showing any signs of bloat, and doesn't seem to have anything in his stomach when palpated, and he isn't vomiting or having diarrhea, so I'm just keeping an eye on him at the moment. It is not Friday-night-emergency-vet-worthy, and hopefully stays that way.
A friend's dog had a pretty bad GI upset from what appeared to be a virus for about 48 hours last week, so I'm hoping it's just that. I have Zaku entered in the race meet this weekend but unless he's perky tomorrow morning we'll be staying home.
He's so vivacious and happy that seeing him so miserable is breaking my heart.
#normally he sleeps in his crate#but tonight I'll sleep on the dog beds with him#trying not to freak the hell out#because the last time bindi looked like this she almost died in january 2022#and the other time bindi looked like this she had pneumonia#bubby's tougher than her so it's probably nothing#but I worry#zaku terv#zoinks
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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NOHODY WOKE ME UP AO I JUST SLEPT UNTIL 7 IN THE FUCKIG AFTERNOON . THANKS LARS
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i officially resigned today :')
#i still have to work there bc i've got a one-month notice period. but i did it!!!#the conversation with my boss went well! she was really nice and supportive#she said she was worried about me bc she could tell i was struggling. and that she understands my decision#and in case i won't find a new job this month they can extend my contract#i cried a lot 😭#and now i'm terrified and sad bc i really love some of my coworkers and i don't want to leave them#but at the same time i'm SO relieved. i feel like i will be able to sleep well tonight. for the first time in weeks#k.txt#also sorry guys i've been mia. and sorry for not answerings your messages#but between working full time searching for a new job doing final assignments for uni and crying. i honestly don't have any energy left#i only logged in to tell you the big news :') and now i'm back to my assignment :( see ya in a week when my exam hell is over
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guys how risky would it be for me to sleep in the bathtub? Like with cold water and all? It’s ok if I die btw bc bc bc
#There’s no way in hell I’m sleeping tonight#Summer#would I droen like Reggie or float like that random kid in it 2017 with the voice
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#no fr WHAT THE HELL#guess imma cry myself to sleep tonight#WHY DIDJA LEAVE MY BOY CROWLEY#Im fine#this is fine#my art
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About to head to bed.
I did get that weird ringing again, but it didn't last long. I'm glad I'm off tomorrow, met enough weird people for today.
Good night, Tumblr! And if anything DOES happen tomorrow, I'll let you all know!
But for now, I gotta rest. Good night!
#Sleep music for tonight: The Doors#just chilling#about to sleep#hell yeah#sleeeep#fiction#oc#oc lore#original writing#unfiction#writing#writers on tumblr#writing project#oc blog#writeblr
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OK, I finally finished The Devil Judge. I already had an ao3 tab open and waiting. I clicked over to it and ... 10? Just 10 fics out of 1,135 are bottom Kang Yo Han? I rarely give a fuck who penetrates who in M/M fics but am I seriously in this kind of a tiny minority when it comes to Kang Yo Han getting railed by the guy with his beloved older brother's face? The older brother he was absolutely obsessed with? It's just me and (counts on fingers) 7 other people who think he wants to hear Kim Ga On whisper in his ear while he's facedownassup "it's ok to call me hyung"????????
#i am losing my mind#i am not going to sleep tonight#but will i write my own damn fic?#LOLLLLLLLLLLL#bugs_bunny_no.gif#i have not got the brainspoons for writing atm#if i did i would though#perhaps if the frustration percolates enough it will coalesce#tears snot torn sheets gonna-need-a-lozenge-after-all-that-screaming life-altering cancel-my-therapy sex with the guy who looks just like#but sure as hell isn't#your hyung#i need to be struck by lightning#the devil judge
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.
#I just think it's ironic how I spent so much time thinking about leaving this country. but the moment I said: hey maybe I could make it work#if I find a good job and income maybe I could make it work. because I don't /want/ to leave#because this is my home and I know I won't be able to find myself anywhere. the MOMENT I decided to stay here and fight for my own future#and MAYBE be able to get my own place and just be at peace... THE MOMENT I decided that#things went to hell. and now ALL I think about 24/7 is where am I going to go? what should I do to leave? how much will it cost?#where do I begin?#and I'm lost and I feel like I'm trapped and running out of time because I don't know what's going to happen#and for the first time in a while I'm feeling /desperate/#it's like I'm grieving this country even before leaving it. but also grieving my life here#and the worst thing is that I don't even think I will (leave). I just want to. but I can't (hence the 'trapped' feeling)#I really wish I could go to sleep tonight and wake up in a safe place where I could be happy#my own little place is all I want. I don't even ask for endless fortune or beauty or love or anything#just a way and a place to be#random#personal#my shitty English#ohhhh... to be free to cry. what a dream. instead I have to take deep breaths and keep moving#where to? no idea. but moving it is
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Some rando just pulled up our driveway and asked if we wanted to sell any of our cars and now I'm paranoid that they have nefarious intentions please pray for us
#i think its weird to ask that is it weird or am i just weird?#we dont have that many cars in our driveway and none of them look like theyre for sale#also woth facebook marketplace and craigslist and all of cars i see for sale in town#why the hell would they be going around to other peoples houses?#no i think im right to not trust because it was weird and im not gonna be able to sleep well tonight
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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