#sleep depraved artist

[fiuworks]

details under the cut! ...you ever get so nervous about your post graduation college results that you draw gerrymichael art with a biblical kind of poetry you made up on the spot? no? just me?

anyway i'm proud of this i think my best work spawns out of sheer stress

results for my final thesis film drop tomorrow at 7am. i'm shitting bricks. though if it gets a good grade I might post it here...pray for me!

[hovkinnie]

They put flametail on the new banner bc they KNEW i had just finished my drawing of her 😌

[turrondeluxe]

I wanted to thank you again for participating in my little random survey! If you are interested in the results, I would love to tag you once I collected enough data and put everything into some kind of conclusion!

It's probably not gonna be much more than a general "what is the average sleep deprivation of some tumblr artists" tho...

(ᵕ—ᴗ—)

If you don't want to be mentioned in the post, than that's also fine :)

Again, thank you a lot for participating and charing your experience! :D

OH INTERESTING Yeah you can tag me! Idon't mind!

[midnightsartcorner]

mfw i'm running off of two hours of sleep and being forced to enter a walmart

[nowanderers]

xavier x reader —ੈ✩‧₊˚

warnings: smut, oral (f! receiving), thigh fucking, cum on panties

wc: 1.2K

tagged: @luckylittlepaw

artist note: i needed a change of pace after what i wrote for sylus. ones written for the other men can be found here.

things did start off innocent. 

you’d both planned for a nap, drained from last night’s mission and the 2 am return home. you’d both yawned through the afternoon. declarations of sleepiness passed both of your lips— though for xavier that’s typical. 

those sleepy intentions died the moment his cock poked your ass. your bedroom, now anything but a quiet environment suitable for sleeping. the incessant squeak from your bed frame and xavier’s light gasps overshadow the swishing of the smooth bed sheets beneath your frenzied movements. 

warm puffs of jagged, short breaths tickle your bare skin as you feel xavier’s head rest against the back of your neck. caught between two strong arms, you press your hips into him while he ruts against you. his cock feels hard and heavy tucked between your plush thighs. the fat tip firm as it rubs along your damp, thin lace panties in wanton need. 

he’s holding you close to his chest so lovingly– contrasting the depraved way he rolls his hips. when xavier’s pace picks up your body floods with more heat. you pant in dire need of cold air to fill your lungs, feeling parched. skin on fire under the thick blanket that conceals you both. tearing it off, you shiver from both his teasing cock and the cool air nipping at your skin. your sweaty bodies stick together like glue as you move in tandem. you push back into him, hips tilted as you chase after the tiny ghosts of friction that torture your clit. pussy undeniably sopping wet with need– ready for more than this.

xavier’s gentle hands move away from your waist in favor of touching your stomach. his fingers softly caress their way to your chest, sending a flurry of energized butterflies straight to your cunt. he covers your tits with his large hands and he gives them both a squeeze that has your eyes rolling back. he’s close. his slowly bruising and ravenous grip on you is the leading indicator.

the man only ever got rough with you minutes before cumming. his fingers dig into your skin as he uses your chest as leverage while he fucks your thighs. every sound he let out sent you reeling. his labored breaths build until he’s moaning so softly in your ear. the wet slide of his cock between your legs becomes sloppy as his hips buck and stutter into a desperate rhythm. you feel the heat against you before you realize he’s cumming. spurts of his cum hit your thinly clothed center and you mewl from the hot sensation. he ruins the sheets and your underwear, smearing his load all over the lace fabric.

eventually, xavier’s breathing evens out. you’re still snuggled together in the middle of your bed, cum trickling down your thigh. “what happened to feeling sleepy?” you ask with a lazy smile stretching on your lips as his arms coil around your waist. he kisses along your neck and draws you closer into his hold– as if he could get any closer to you at this moment.

“i couldn’t sleep,” he answers simply, voice dulcet as the words brush against your skin. shifting, he lets go of you while he continues further. “i read somewhere that helps.” 

you feel the mattress dip and you turn to see him moving farther down your bed. “what are you doing?” you ask, catching his attention. finding your cluelessness kind of cute, xavier smiles and reaches for your hand, giving it a tender squeeze thereafter.

“helping you fall asleep.” 

xavier settles between your legs without another word. he gives your hand another loving squeeze before leaving it to lie alone on top of the cold sheets. your gaze follows his movements as he adjusts you until your thighs flank either side of his head. 

pretty, glacier-blue eyes gloss over your body with a fleeting glance before lingering on the messy scene at your entrance. his steady hands spread your legs wide, exposing more of you to him. sticky and cum soaked, your panties clung to your center. they outline your pussy so hotly that his eyes burn with desire. slowly, he slides the fabric to the side. you watch with bated breath as he leans down and licks a teasing fat stripe through your delicate folds. he sighs against you, saturating your dewy pussy with his spit as he repeatedly drags his skilled tongue through your cunt. he groans at the taste, pausing to savor the sweet essence on his lips before diving back in for another lustful lick that has your toes curling.

xavier doesn’t do the same thing long enough for you to get used to it. he flicks his wet tongue across your clit before sucking the sensitive bud into his mouth, teasing every nerve ending on its surface. after he pulls a string of shaky moans out of your chest, he slides the warm muscle all across your pussy, cleaning up every bit of your wetness with the eager slurp of his lips. enjoying himself, his eyes fall closed and he releases a peaceful hum that strokes all the sensitive points within you. he laps at you keenly, trying to work out what you needed most– the answer was all of it.

with every deep, lingering lick across your slippery wet cunt, you sink further into a bliss so heavenly. warm, fuzzy, and gingerly carving you out from the inside. 

xavier has such a sinfully drawn-out way of eating you out. slow, sinuous, but impactful, like he had all the time in the world. he moans against you, languidly shaking his head back and forth along your folds while he sucks your clit between his lips, tongue flicking against it in his mouth. 

“oh.” you whisper.

he always got this into it. the sensation ravaging your body with every sound that’s muffled into your cunt. his fingers bite into the skin at your thighs as he presses his face closer, using them as handles while he sloppily makes out with your sweet pussy. he groans again, rendering you speechless. all you can do is shake loose the mangled syllables that catch in your throat as his mouth pushes you closer to the edge. the sounds flowing past your lips want to be words, instead settling for half-formed pleas and whines that stretch on into oblivion. 

xavier brings all of his focus to your throbbing clit, swirling his tongue around the aching bud nonstop while you hold his head firmly in place. you can’t help but cry out as his ministrations successfully shut your body down. a couple of deliciously rough licks later, your cunt trembles through a gushing wet orgasm– lips framing his name through a debauched noise that’s hard to categorize. loud. uncontrolled and erotically charged. the love child of a moan and a scream.

you’re walked through your high by the subtle drag of xavier’s tongue. the heat of it ebbs and flows, coursing beneath your skin before all the raw pleasure in your body fizzles out. until you’re left with this mind-numbing sleepiness that has your eyes half-lidded. 

you remain splayed out, breathing through deep inhales and exhales while he lays soothing kisses along your inner thighs. his lips travel up your torso and across your chest. even now, you can feel the emotions that he’s able to wake up within you with each kiss he presses into your skin. you smile weakly at the love that flourishes in your chest. the thick blanket from before covers your body once more. 

one last gentle kiss is placed on your forehead and soft words that you can’t discern barely reach your ears. far too sleepy as you near the precipice of a phenomenal nap.

[p0rnd3aler]

LOVE AND DEEPSPACE NSFW THINK PIECE/DRABBLE

I’m depraved

Rafayel is the neediest. He’s got a lot of insecurities/abandonment issues from his first love and he def has an anxious attachment style. He’s also absolutely the type of person to be codependent (Hello?? “Join me let’s drown in the ocean together”????? Like, come on). He’s constantly trying to do every little thing with you, almost like he can’t breathe unless it’s air that’s already been filtered through your lungs.

However, all big baby behavior™️ considered, he definitely knows how to woo you. I feel like since he’s Lemurian and also an artist, he only knows how to love a person in the most deeply devoted and romantic way. He’s also very careful with his heart and who he gives it to, once he decides it’s truly and solely yours that’s it. There’s no one else. But you also have to honor that with proper care, he’s very sensitive.

Anyway, I feel like he fucks in a way that’s slow, very sensual. The kind of love making where he takes over all of your senses, all you can feel is his touch, all you can smell is his sweat and cologne, all you can taste is him on your tongue, and all you can see and hear are his face and the sweet words of devotion he whimpers in your ear.

He’s also very easy to rile up.

Zayne is boring to me. Like I get the appeal he’s very hot and he’s also very stable (in a romantic sense) and healthy but I just can’t fantasize about that. Like yeah he’s a busy ass surgeon who will always make time for you no matter what and he’s super devoted and always caring for you in little ways, but also mf will make you take a water break during sex if you’re too wet bc he doesn’t want you to get dehydrated. Im done.

Honestly I think I’m biased against him bc the way he talks to MC just reminds me of this horrid man I met at a bus stop once who immediately started trying to tell me what to do/give me life advice. I get Zayne is qualified and the guy at the bus stop was not but idc if y’all want me to put effort into writing for him ur gonna have to submit it into the requests baby, moving on.

SYLUS. I feel like everybody thinks he’s just some big ol’ nasty freak but they’re WRONG. THEYRE WRONG ABOUT HIM.

Don’t get me wrong he’s definitely fucking tweaking when you first meet him, like just going apeshit off the bat with no context for us. But also? Once you get to know him? Bitch I’ll kill for that man you do not know. This mf drops everything for you.

Important arms deal he’s been trying to set up for a year or going to the arcade with you to get plushies out of a claw machine? Deal = cancelled

The fearless leader of the N109 zone who blows up anyone who perturbs him slightly. MF contributes 50% of the carbon in the atmosphere alone with the amount of shit he literally actually blows up with bombs. But you? You may break into his house and handcuff him to his bed in his sleep while trying to steal a brooch off of him. he doesn’t give a fuck. he’s in love with you. Set his house on fire! He won’t care! He’ll just buy a new one!

As rough as he is around the edges he’s completely smitten. “You should know I adore you. There is no love purer than mine.” Like girl don’t fucking play with me. Is he mentally ill? Absolutely. But he is so devoted, so careful with you. “I’m never annoyed when we do things together.” It’s literally like he’s learning how to be a human being for once and he doesn’t care about losing the coldness or sharpness he once had because you’re more than enough to replace any absence the loss of those thing may bring. He knows he’s getting soft and doesn’t care. He doesn’t try to stop it. To kill for you is nothing to him. Not even a second thought. He kills all the time. But he would never harm again if the violence ever came in between you two.

And I think that dedication, that devotion totally translates itself into how he makes love to you. He’s definitely a filthy talker, I think he says some NASTY shit during sex, just because he likes seeing you squirm and feel how your skin gets hot from his words. But I don’t think he likes hurting you. He wouldn’t do anything to harm you. He’ll spank you yeah, and he’ll tap or squish your cheeks to get your attention. But he only wants to bring you pure, carnal pleasure when it comes to sex. If you even think “that feels good” he’s like a dog with a bone. You get no rest when he’s there you only get mind-numbing pleasure. He’s a tease, he’ll poke lighthearted fun at how loud you’re being, ask you who you think can hear you two while you’re being nasty. But he knows you. He knows what you love, what gets you off, and he cares to learn all of this because of how much he loves you God I’m SICK

Xavier is filthy. That man laps up your pussy like a thirsty dog. The freakiest nastiest mf out of all of them. He won’t show any sexual prowess or interest for months I think. I’m not sure he’s even aware of his powers. Your relationship will literally be based around his chaotic sleeping “schedule” (that shit is not a schedule) and relaxing between missions together. All things considered, you guys spend almost every waking (and sleeping) hour together. Work, dates, naps, eating, it’s almost always together.

It’s not until he hears you getting hit on all night that his composure finally starts to crack.

Three months of the sweetest, purest boyfriend you could ever ask for. Your sweet silly boy, who starts silently pouting all night. It’s not until you two finally find a hotel to stay at for the night, that he finally starts loosening up.

“I’m not a young fool, you know. I don’t take what’s in front of me for granted” he quotes the guys hitting on you earlier, which he heard through your ear piece. Then he recites every time another guy hit on you while you two were on your mission. He’s a jealous jealous jealous boy. He HATES other guys vying for your attention. It just makes him want to whisk you away and bounce you on his dick so loud that every other guy can hear it. When he feels jealousy, he feels the need to mark, claim, devour you so no one else can try and steal you. He gets himself worked up. Stewing and agonizing over the thought and the memory of another guy trying to get to you so much that he can’t even think of sleeping. He gets completely taken over by the urge to have your every reaction solely based on him and what he gives you. I think he fights off these feelings for a long time, up until the protocore mission in the misty invasion memory. He just barely keeps it together until you’re rubbing all over him, pulling him closer to whisper his name in his ear, he just can’t take it. He needs to hear you say it louder. He needs everyone to hear you say his name.

He fucks you so sloppy, the kind of man who does not care what means he has to use as long as the end is what he wants. He wants you covered in marks of his making, he wants you to smell like him, he wants you to have trouble walking the next day, and he wants that asshole who tried hitting on you at work to ask you “what’s wrong? You look like you’re having trouble walking”

And as soon as the guy asks that you look over to Xavier, who has the most pleased little shit eating grin on his face.

The craziest part is that after he gets it all out of his system he’s back to being the little innocent sweet boy. But you know his secret, and he likes that you know it.

[asger-eerika]

Welcome to depraved thoughts with Eerika.

They are about Neuvillette.

- Bath Tub sex

- Two cocks double penetration

- Met him in court and he takes a fascination towards you

- Breeding/marking

- THE ABSOLUTE PENT UP STRESS SEX YOU WOULD HAVE HELLO?!

- *cough* Dragon. Form. Sex.

- Something about men, being coated in water or being wet in general sets off my monkey brain.

- If you've seen the half dragon art of Neuvillette coming out of the pool nude... if yk yk.

That'll be all for now.

(I LIED have fanart I got off of my favorite deranged delulu app pinterest, all credits go to the artists do call em out if you know one because all the art I grabbed some comments were saying they were this person or another o-o)

Also should I write really shit smut of this man

*thonk*

*deranged barking* aight I go to sleep now I wake up in 3 hours x3

[blue-lollipops-and-ice-clouds]

Sleep Token's "The 100 Songs That Changed Our World" Article.

(Source - photos courtesy the lovely jawsofeden)

Transcript:

100 - Sleep Token

The Summoning

(Take Me Back To Eden, 2023)

The meteoric rise of Sleep Token caught us all by surprise. At the start of 2023, the mysterious masked band were one of the metal underground's buzziest names. Led by enigmatic vocalist Vessel, they were a band to watch, for sure, but firmly attracted the niche passion of a cult following.

Then came the song that would change everything. On consecutive days in early January, the band released two singles from their third album, Take Me Back To Eden: the burning, crashing Chokehold, followed by The Summoning - and it was the latter track that would turn them into an Earth-conquering, expectation-shattering phenomenon.

Veering between depraved tech metal, soulful vocals and shimmering electronics, an enormous, hymnal chorus gave way to an Earth-shifting breakdown and screams. Intricate and groove heavy, The Surmoning was more like three songs seamlessly crafted into one genre-fluid modern masterpiece. And it still had its trump card to play: a bendy, thirst-trap, funk outro that went viral on TikTok, turning the internet intoalusty Take1 puddle. Suddenly, Sleep Token were the most talked-about band on the planet.

"THERE ARE HINTS OF EARLY SLIPKNOT THERE."

COREY TAYLOR

"It took me three listens of [The Sumroning] to realise that when they do that whole psychedelic section at the end, that it's actually the same chorus as it was before, only in a completely different way," Evanescence's Amy Lee told Revolver. "And I love it even more that. I thought they just went a whole new direction and wrote a new part, and then I was like, 'Wait, that's the same...but not at all'."

Sleep Token weren't the most obvious choice for a commercial breakthrough. The success of The Summoning, an unconventional, seven-minute, brutal shapeshifter, bucks just about every music industry trend there is.

"It's going to a lot of different places, and I think there isn't any other band out there right now that's able to do that," Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford said earlier this year.

The Summoning set a chain reaction in motion that was unprecedented in modern metal. In just a few weeks, the band saw their Spotify figures jump from the thousands into the millions. To date, the track has been streamed more than 123 million times on Spotify and 19 million on YouTube. On release, Take Me Back To Eden went straight in at No.3 in the UK and was the most streamed metal album of 2023. When the band announced a show at Wembley Arena, tickets sold out in 10 minutes.

Earlier this year, they left the metal-heavy roster of Spinefarm Records for RCA, the home of mainstream megastars Justin Timberlake and rapper Doja Cat.

"In heavy music, or even in just rock, even in the last decade or 15 years, there's so few stories of bands ever breaking through," says Health bassist and producer, John Famiglietti, who supported the band at Wembley and sees Sleep Token's success as proof metal still can resonate on a massive scale. "This is one of the few times I've seen a band go from a fucking club to an arena in six months. And I don't know the last time that happened."

It's worth pointing out that in the social media era where celebrities and artists are more accessible than ever, Sleep Token have achieved all of this on their own terms. To date, they've barely done any press, while their masked mystique is all part of the allure. Last year, fans reacted with outrage when bassist III's identity and birth certificate were allegedly leaked online, seemingly leading to a decision to wipe the band's Instagram.

"There are hints of early Slipknot there," Knot vocalist Corey Taylor told The Allison Hagendorf Show in 2023, thinking back to the early internet days before Slipknot removed their masks. "At first, we were like, 'Nope. You get nothing. This is what you get, you figure it out. We'll let the music speak for ourselves.

Today, Sleep Token are being mentioned in the same breath as potential future Download headliners Ghost, Gojira, and Architects. The only difference? Sleep Token have managed to ascend to the same level as those bands in a fraction of the time. Metal needs new superstars who will push things forward, innovate and keep the scene relevant - and with Sleep Token we have a band we can believe in. DL

[longtallglasses]

it’s very interesting to me amongst the different fandoms i’ve been a part of in regards to their attitudes toward nsfw fanworks bc with the marauders those teens are always wildin’ - smoking, drinking, sleeping together - if they’re not i would even say it would be out of character for them? wolfstar is messy and horny and so in love, even if in a lot of fics they won’t admit it to each other. in atyd everyone is shagging up a storm, the girls, the boys, it’s still juvenile of course the way they discuss it and go about it. very little communication, feelings are hurt, they don’t know what they’re doing all the time. and it makes sense, they’re teenagers!

i have never once heard of discussion around it being ‘wrong’ to write them this way. that it’s ‘objectifying’ and if you’re thinking about it you must be weird or unnecessarily sexualizing characters. sexualizing characters? they’re already sexualized wdym? they have a sexuality, everyone has a sexuality, whatever the author/artist wants to give them, whether that’s a sex crazed maniac or the most sex repulsed asexual, they Have a Sexuality! even before the exact moment they turn 18, they have a sexuality. it’s just another facet to explore character through, to understand them more fully, and also sometimes for the author to help understand themselves.

i’m sorry age doesn’t matter when it comes to fictional characters. it just doesn’t. they’re not real you can’t hurt them. if someone wants to write through trauma, something ‘wrong’ and ‘problematic’ let them use fictional people. it may seem gross and you don’t have to read it, but its existence does not mean promotion of harmful behavior. it can mean so many different things to that author but it doesn’t equate to that.

i say this bc i myself have written some horrid things. i’ve never posted them, was not in a place where i wanted to, i wrote it all in a period of my life where i was seriously hurting, and writing fucked up horrific things stopped me from hurting Myself. i’ve read some ‘problematic’ fics that made me feel better, hurt me in a good way, reading comments of people who related and appreciated what was being explored.

most people who write about fucked up shit, SA, or some form of trauma porn or whatever it is have probably gone through something similar in their life. the people who read it and seek it out are usually drawn to it for a reason but we don’t need to know why. there is also just curiosity. and being curious doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t mean you ‘like’ it. you may like the power dynamics at play, you may be intrigued by desires different than your own, you may… ANYTHING what you enjoy to read or write speaks to nothing regarding who you are in your day to day life. your morals, your beliefs, or what you want sexually or otherwise. i say this to a younger me, there’s nothing wrong with you!

with all that being said… there is also porn that is just porn. and that’s perfectly fine and good too. people have always written porn about whatever and whoever they want and they always will. if you don’t want it, scroll pass. you won’t be given a gold star for announcing you think it’s gross or wrong, you just look silly. i’m not saying that you must like it too, but attacking the moral character of those who do partake, shows an immaturity and lack of tack when it comes to these subjects. go out in the world and you will discover just how ‘abnormal’ and ‘depraved’ sexual desire can manifest itself as.

as someone who grew up a Very sexually confused person. not knowing i was queer or on the ace spectrum exploring sexuality through fiction was like my saving grace. and those books and those fics that made me feel seen, made me go huh! woah! ooooh my god that’s me! or made me go … wait why do i kinda like that? more often than not they were written by adults. bc they had made it through to the other side so to speak. and as An Adult now i find the traditional adolescent experience very intriguing as i did not have that growing up. the sexual experiences i’ve had now have shown me so starkly that that feeling which accompanies a new experience never really goes away. people are fumbling well into their 20s and 30s. reading the plight of a young person discovering who they are sexually i don’t think will ever not be relatable or make someone reflect. that includes the sweet and innocent as well as the ‘gross’/depraved horniness. it is not necessarily enjoyed on a basis of attraction to these characters, it is enjoyed on a basis of ‘i know this feeling’ or ‘i also do and have yearned for this kind of intimacy’. and if who you are isn’t represented in those stories, oh well damn, looks like i have to write it now. that’s how we have Are you there God, it’s me Margaret and the edge of 17 (the ‘98 and ‘16 iterations), all these stories written by Adults! that make us all sigh in relief and laugh and cry and aaahhh

fiction is fiction, idek what anti-ship means, let people be freaks in peace, fandom spaces are created to have fun in, let’s pls have Fun!!! explore and write and draw and fantasize whatever your heart desires bc there can be no right or wrong, it is just discovery.

if you feel kinship with characters and it feels natural to extend yourself to them, to take them and make them your own, amazing, gorgeous, beautiful. play dress up with them in all the ways you can, do whatever You Want!!

[subbymothpimp]

ABOUT AUTHOR & DISCLAIMER

About Mun/Author:

♥ 35 years old

♥ English isn’t my native language, consider all typos and mistakes canon and intentional.

♥ I absolutely CAN disagree with a character’s actions and still like them.

♥ Trans-masc enby

♥ Artist, writer

♥ Love reading, history, analysis of media, weird rabbit holes, music

♥ I don’t sleep

♥ Anarchist, I’m the scary woke leftist your mamma warned you about

♥♥♥DISCLAIMER♥♥♥

♥ This blog is 100% NSFW as far as Tumblr’s ToS allow

♥ I don’t want any minors here. None. Ever. I will ban you.

♥ I also don’t want any TERFs, J.K. Rowling-lovers, and ANTIs here. You will also be banned.

♥ In short, I have a pretty quick hand on the ban button and won’t engage with you before adding you to the blocklist so don’t waste your time.

♥ Fiction ≠ Real life. Imagine that! Mind absolutely blown, like WHOOSH!

♥ This is a combined personal and RP blog. Feel free to consider it fully in-character.

♥ On this blog, I RP Valentino, the Overlord of Lust and Depravity. I won’t censor the character and I won’t censor myself, you get an in-character version as much as I’m capable of giving. But also, and this is important, we don’t really get that much information about Valentino so I WILL be including my own headcanons. I’ll mark posts that contain non-canon headcanons or fancanons as such so there’s no confusion. We can say that this is MY version of the character but I won’t sugarcoat him.

♥ With that comes a big list of trigger warnings for this blog. Here are some of them: * Heavy sexual content in a written text * Graphic language * Spurs of Spanish from Google Translate plus minor personal knowledge * Unhinged behavior * He will call you out, he will sexualize you, he will be an asshole about it

♥ Lines I won’t cross and things that won’t be tolerated: * Expressing any gender identity intolerance * Racial comments or slurs * Ableism * Body shaming/fat shaming * Kink shaming * Sexuality shaming * There will be NO minor sexualization, if I find out you’re a minor you get blocked.

RULES OF ROLEPLAY AND INTERACTION

CHARACTER INFORMATION

[unknown-scuba-diver]

The artist and the king pt.4

Ganondorf x reader

Warning ⚠️: none

A cold sweat dripped down their face. Was it a dream? Or an incoming disaster waiting to happen? They could hear the quiet snoring of ganondorf in the quiet room. They quietly got up and walked around the empty and quiet temple. Trying to rap around what just happened. They reached one of the balconies and sat there while the cold air of the desert night blows on their face. They really could use a drink right now and wondered if ganondorf had some type of alcohol in the temple, but they didn't want to be rude and take stuff without asking.

"I don't get it, the old hero of hyrule killed the demon king. So why was he in my dream? Was it a omen or something else?"

They asked themselves while looking at the village. All the lights were off, and just the endless sky could be seen. They stayed for a while longer until they calmed down, and they stood up and turned around. And in the darkness, two glowing eyes stared at them for a split second before whatever it was fleed away.

They stood there for who knows how long. Until they built the courage to walk in the darkness. They walked quietly back into ganondorfs room, trying to use the light of the moon to guide themselves. But with each foot step they can hear a pair of other foot steps approaching. They stop walking and tried looking around to see in the darkness.

"Is anyone there?"

There was no answer... and they felt a hand on their shoulder.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

They screamed.

"Woah calm down it's just me!"

Ganondorf was the one standing there. He was holding a candle in one hand. They calmed down, realizing who it was. "I thought you were -" they stopped themselves from mentioning demise, something deep down told them not to speak about it in front of them. "...a monster"

"What are you doing up so late?"

"I just wanted some fresh air, that's all"

He knew they were bullshitting but he didn't want to push them if they really didn't want to talk about it. "Alright, let's go back to bed". They nodded, and they both went back to bed, but they just stared at the darkness until sunrise.

When morning came, they felt tired and exhausted. Ganondorf wakes up and slowly stretches and lets out a yawn

"morning"

He wrapped he's arm around them, pulling them closer to him. "Morning ganondorf" they smiled and played with his hair. "Come on, let's get up. You're the king after all" they chuckled. He let a sigh and got up "Alright let's start the day!". They smiled and got ready with the king. "So what's for breakfast? " they asked,

"Bread with some eggs" Ganondorf replied,

"Sounds good!" They were ready to face the day even though they were pretty sleep depraved. Ganondorf walks into the kitchen and grabs a pan "could you get me some eggs?", they nodded and grabbed four eggs. He used fire magic to light the stove, no matter how many times they saw it happen it still felt magical just like the first time they saw him use magic. "I wish I could use magic.." they sighed.

"Can't your people also use magic? " he asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Nah, only the royal family and their magicians are the most prominent magic welders" they said while cutting some bread for the both of them.

"I could teach you" Ganondorf said with a hint of excitement. "What! You can do that?" They asked. Ganondorf nodded his head and put two eggs on each plate and sat down next to them "you know I should also teach you how to fight also especially during these times". They knew what he was taking about and nodded.

"Yeah, I understand, but I don't think I am going to be very good " they took a bite out of their egg toast. Ganondorf smirks,

"Don't be so hard on yourself! I see the fire in your eyes when you're making art. I bet you can do the same with fighting"

Ganondorf playfully slap their back, (y/n) almost choked on their food when they got hit it the back, "oops! Sorry my bad! ".

After eating lunch, ganondorf had a meeting with the generals of the Gerudo Valley about what was going on in their lands. They felt like it wasn't right for them to hear their business, so they went to the market to buy new materials for art supplies.

They knew that while that while it was morning, the sun shouldn't be as harsh, she walked around looking at what they were selling.

"Excuse me, do you have any leather? My bag got ripped up, and I am looking to patch it up"

"Sure, how much?"

They showed her torn up bag.

"Oh honey, you are going to need a new one "

"But this was a gift...." they sighed

"Wait! We can make you a new one but it isn't going to look the same is that okay?"

They nodded. "Thank you!", they give them the rupees for the commission.

"Alright, it will be done around two weeks"

"Sounds good "

They waved goodbye, and they continued to buy some more stuff so they could make a new sketchbook and watercolor paints. They walked back to the temple and started to sew the paper to make the sketchbook. But they could hear the conversation going on between ganondorf and the generals.

They could hear them. Taking about battle strategy and involving monsters in this war. This reminded them of an old legend that their grandparents told them about the demon king. His generals were shocked and angry. They didn't know who to feel about it, but they shocked their head, they loved him and they didn't care if he wanted a monster to fight besides them, they just wanted him to be happy.

The meeting was finished and ganondorf walked up to them. " Hey, how did the shopping trip go? Did you get the stuff to fix your bag?" He asked.

"They said it was unfixable but they are going to make me a new one! " They were done making their paints. "Am done doing my stuff, we can train now" they smiled. Ganondorf smirks "I hope you're ready because am not going easy on you " . They smiled "I hope so!"

Ganondorf grabbed their hand and ran to the castle's training area. They felt dizzy from being dragged so quickly "wow you're really fast". Ganondorf noticed and laughed, he motion them at the weapons. "What weapon would you like to practice with?" He showed off one off. "Which one do you think would be best for me? "

Ganondorf thought while looking at the weapons. Ganondorfs face lights up with excitement once again, as he pulls out a few different weapons, showing them as he speaks

"... Well, a shortsword or a dagger might suit you, something quick and small, perfect for close quarters combat!"

He shows you a few daggers, and a few shortswords, they are all very beautiful and intricate, the craftsmanship is superb and flawless, and the weapons are all very well made, very carefully honed to perfection.. he seems very proud of his arsenal to say the least.

"... What do you think? Which one do you like best?"

They go and picked up a short sword, "it's beautiful"

Ganondorfs eyes light up with a sense of pride, as if you just complimented his work

The short sword they picked up is incredibly well forged and it's a beauty to behold, and as they pick it the blade reflects the light as if it's the finest metal ever crafted.. it's a masterpiece of craftsmanship

"... That is a very good pick.. very good. Alright, let's get training, shall we?"

He pulls out another short sword and he holds it in the air

"Take your stance, and we will begin!"

"Alright! " They tried to mimic their stance. "Alright.. that looks good enough for a start! Now, let's practice some basic attacks!"

Ganondorfs golden eyes light up with some strange flame that reminded them of demise. But they shrug it off.

"... Let's see you use this sword.. do a basic strike!"

They tried to strike him the best they can.

Ganondorfs eyes light up as he watches them swing their sword, a small spark flying from both their blades clashing.

"Good! Excellent...!"

He claps his hands together

"... Your form needs some work, but you're a very quick learner so I feel confident you will learn it in no time.. I'll train you to be the best fighter in the land! You have what it takes.."

"Anything to protect you and these lands ganondorf...Anything.."

[mamaladeskies]

Dear Door: I'll Need My Eyes Cleansed

I want to start by saying I have never seen that many dicks before in my entire life. I am in a state of shock. Yes, I'm an adult.

I've found myself getting into boys love manhwa and it's been good so far. I chanced upon Dear Door by Pluto and what caught my eye was the suggestive cover and Cain's brown skin, so of course I was going to read it.

After 152 chapters (I'm taking a break from the dicks) I am confident that this was PWP, porn with plot. A good plot. I sacrificed sleep a couple times to find out what was at the end of each twist and turn.

At first I'd halted my reading to continue with Painter of the Night because for the first few chapters the story seemed chopped in some places; like when Kyunjoon would say he's feeling pain, we wouldn't know why but it would be alluded to that something had happened. I kept wondering if I'd skipped a panel or something.

A Tiktok I saw of Cain and Kyunjoon's babies drew me back to the story. They were very cute. It motivated me to continue and once I got into it, I couldn't stop. Painter of the Night got forgotten, my personal project got forgotten, my sleep became an afterthought. At work, what got me through the day was remembering Cain and Kyunjoon were waiting for me.

I enjoyed their relationship, even when other couples were introduced I didn't feel an urge to jump ship. They had an opposites attract thing going on where they complemented each other, they communicated their feelings(mostly), they enjoyed each other's company, Cain teasing Kyunjoon was adorable and Cain is 101% dedicated to Kyunjoon and so was Kyunjoon... It was just cute.

Dear Door had that thing I like where when the demon starts to fall in love, his heart starts to feel funny and he's confused at what his body is doing.

The plot of demons using humans as doors to hell meant we got an unhealthy number of sex scenes, with no lightsabers. Pluto did not censor anything and even magnified the sex scenes, such that we'd get multiple close ups from like different angles going on and on for almost half the chapter. The first time I saw it, the uncensored parts, I thought my sleep depraved self was imagining things. It had started out pretty mild and then everything was in my face, multiple times. Whew.

Let's just say the characters got into some kinky stuff along the way, Azaniel, bless him, was very curious and unashamed about it.

The true strength of this story was the fast pace, I never got bored, and how the characters were written and the dynamics between them. Sid was an interesting character, his yearning for love was truly pitiful. Understanding why Cain was playful and nice for a demon Lord was satisfying. Aaron's story was melodramatic. But, Satan could have been more diabolical, more scary... Just more.

Jinyoung was a victim. He truly suffered, I kept wondering how he's not the main character with how much he was suffering. It was sad, but he got a satisfying ending.

Something I can't let go of, is what the hell happened to Kyunjoon being a police officer? Did he quit? Was he fired? What happened there?

The beautiful art distracted me from any gaping holes in the story. The characters were beautifully designed and the colours were stunning. My favourite character design was Cain, in human and full demon form, then Ben in his mutt form then Aaron, I love his scars. Satan gets an honourable mention because of the red eyes.

And of course the babies. Look!

And here is Cain. The floppy ears are so cute and I didn't expect I'd come to like the fangs but I am obsessed. Also, his blonde eyelashes... Uwu. I think I want to see more interspecies and how different artists portray them.

And then some drawings just made me laugh. Oh that's the other thing, I had a few laugh out loud moments and that's always a win.

Even the smut was masterfully drawn. I'll be honest and add the size difference between Cain and Kyunjoon threw me off a bit. I once saw on Reddit that bls tend to do this, however experiencing it with your own two eyes is something else. I want to know what inspired this.

In the end, I had fun. Though I'm kinda worried I won't find something else with beautiful illustrations + cute couple + action packed.

I'm thinking On a Leash next, I heard it's toxic so of course you'll find me at the scene of the crime.

[praeteritus-memories-muses]

Name: Haruto Sakuragi Towa

Series: Slow Damage

Continuity: Visual Novel True Ending

Age: 26

Height: 5'7"

Birthday: March 7th

Birthplace: Japan

Orientation: Homosexual

Species: Human

Occupation: Heir to the biggest mafia group in all of Japan Clinic receptionist and freelance artist

Father: Ryuujirou Takasato (deceased)

Mother: Maya (deceased)

Bio:

TRIGGER WARNING FOR: CSA, SELF HARM, ADDICTION, ASSAULT, ETC ETC

Born as Haruto Sakuragi, Towa is the son of a major yakuza boss and his mistress. Towa was deemed illegitimate and his mother wasn't able to receive compensation so she forced her son and a girl she later brought in named Mei into sex trafficking. On top of his mother selling him to 'clients', she was often emotionally abusing her son by neglecting him of love and manipulating him into doing every thing she said.

He and Mei lived in hell but planned an escape, except in failed which resulted in Towa getting beaten by his mother and Mei getting killed. This deeply traumatized Towa, who viewed Mei like a sister and his only source of comfort between the hell he had to endure as a child, and he never has forgiven himself for this.

Although Towa did manage to escape at some point after his mother's death, he came out of it with crippling mental illnesses. Towa not only developed severe PTSD and depression but developed selective memory to the point where he doesn't remember the trafficking for the most part and thinks Mei was his actual sister.

Along with what happened after his mother died, he still held trauma from before his mother died of the abuse he suffered with her. This led Towa to fall off the deep end and join the yakuza and worked under a man named Madarame. To hide from his traffickers, Towa dyed his hair and entered an abusive relationship with Madarame as well as falling into alcohol, drugs and self harm. The self harm stems from trauma from his childhood due to what some clients would due to him as well as harming his face so he doesn't look like his mother. Anytime anyone remarks he looks like his mother, it sends Towa into a spiral.

His time in the yakuza and his abusive relationship deeply effected Towa and left him at a rock bottom, until Madarame "died" fighting off the yakuza which gave Towa the opportunity to quit and eventually meet with his childhood friend Taku who helped him get clean from drugs and got him a job at his clinic. However, an incident within the yakuza did cause Towa to permanently lose his eye. He can't afford a glass prosthetic so he doesn't frighten anyone with his gaping socket so instead he wears an eyepatch or keeps his damaged eye closed.

However, Towa still has not recovered from his other issues. He's an alcoholic, smokes heavily, self harms and doesn't take care of himself at all to the point where his friends have to tell him to eat or drink something. While Taku knows about his self harm and drinking issues, what his two friends don't really know is that Towa has a pain fetish and sleeps around recklessly.

This has effected his only proper passion, painting. Towa is deemed a talented artist among his friend group, having wanted to become an artist ever since his mother took him to an art gallery when he was a child, but struggles with artists block to the point where he often feels like he can only paint after a night of binge drinking, reckless sex and/or engaging in self harm.

Towa is pretty quiet and many call him depraved and aloof, but the reality is that he's a deeply broken man who often needs people to help lift him up. Even with all his issues, at his core, Towa can be really caring and even pretty funny when he wants to be as he'll often crack sarcastic jokes or quick remarks.

[woomycritiques543]

TW: Long post, many caps, mentions of threats of violence and suicide.

As a sort of a "part 2" to my last post, I just wanted to get this out there... but I dont think that this is going to do much...

But it's worth a shot :(

The Vivziepop and her "favorites" at Spindlehorse have now verbally harassed people, spread bad faith to make people who critique a literal cartoon look bad. -and, as ive just noticed: have even threatened violence. I dont care what people throw at me for saying this-

VIVIENNE MEDRANO AND HER HEAD STAFF NEED TO STOP BULLYING THEIR OWN FANDOM! IT'S GETTING OUT OF HAND AND IS ACTUALLY HURTING PEOPLE!!!! THEY LITERALLY THREATENED TO HIT PEOPLE FOR SAYING THAT WHAT VIVIENNE IS DOING IS WRONG, SPREAD SLANDER ABOUT WHAT "*IS*" WORKER MISTREATMENT TO DENY WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND ARE ACTUALLY HARASSING PEOPLE! I DONT CARE ABOUT HOW "CUTE!" THEY TRIED TO MAKE THEIR THREATS TOWARDS THE EX SPINDLE ARTISTS LOOK TO GET PASSED TWITTER'S GUIDELINES- NONE OF THIS IS OK! BULLYING IS NEVER OK!

PEOPLE CRITIQUEING A CARTOON AREN'T THE PROBLEM- PEOPLE WHO HARASS OTHERS OVER IT ARE! THESE LITERAL CARTOON CHARACTERS ARE NOT FUCKING REAL! LET US HAVE OUR SAY AND LEAVE US ALONE!

STOP LETTING THIS SHIT HAPPEN! There is no "good type" of harassment and telling people that "its ok to harass someone just because you find them to be bad faith." is never ok! Telling someone that "you're not a writer if you dont like me!" or "you're a glass jawed mother fucker!" or "im going to get in an actual fist fight with you!" isnt just disagreeing- this is BULLYING! Krystal, the one who called the mistreatment and people "NEVER!" sleeping until late in the morning as a "humble" experince just because she worships Vivienne and even threatened to also hurt people!

I dont give a shit about what's "normal in the industry!" OVERWORKING PEOPLE INTO SLEEP DEPRAVATION AND CONSTANT STRESS IS NEVER OK AND NEITHER IS THREATENING TO HIT SOMEONE FOR SPEAKING OUT!

There is also someone followed by the creator of Lackadaisy, a creator who also follows Vivienne Medrano. -and im not sure if Tracy knows about how Vivienne is treating people, but good lord would it be horrific is she already did. I fucking hate how corperate the indie animation community is becoming. INDUSTRY "STANDARDS!" are literal mistreatment, people have been fighting those "standards" for years such as with #NewDeal4Animation and to say that a worker being treated like trash is "ok" just because you also working in the field also somehow means that your word is always "true" then you're are sick in the head and have no actual heart for the literal torture animators have even died from within the industry. -and then again with the "they're just angry which makes them a bad person!" bullshit, toxic positivity exists, there is such a thing as being "too positive" about something. Erin might have gotten some leeaway for HAVING A MENTAL DISORDER! -but that doesnt make all the mistreatment from all the rushed projects go away! It's a indie studio, that clearly isnt Disney level, doing 5+ episodes in a year- how the fuck is this even "normal!" for industry standards even if you talk about what Vivziepop actually did with Helluva Boss?! -and the way this person suggested that Erin was basically "lazy" for asking for more time since they were being rushed isn't just a horrible way to treat artists, but in full context, is ableist as all hell!

-and even then: With full context- What about the other artists working at Spindlehorse?! What about how they were treated?!

Hell, Erin didn't even get leeaway from their day to night job that they had to work under, meanwhile, Vivienne is able to afford to live in LA, vacations and all, while having her workers be overworked to give both her and her projects more money. Honestly- has the indie art community lost their fucking minds?! What the fuck happened to NOT being capitalistic about animation?! Why are we now encouraging this just because we're the "big dogs" now? "IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY FREIND'S BEHAVIOR- IM GONNA BEAT YOU! IM GOING TO PULL YOU INTO THE STREET AND BEAT YOU FOR WHAT YOU SAID!" NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND SAYS THIS?! -and who in their right mind, says that people are "slandering" or spreading "unbridled emotion" WHILE THREATENING TO TO FIGHT SOMEONE IN THE STREET!? 99% of it wasn't even a joke besides that one gif, Monica specifically said "LETS GET INTO AN ACTUAL FIST FIGHT!" on a serious post, who in their right mind talks like this in public?!

Monica and Krystal threatened TO HURT SOMEONE while "unbridled emotion! >:(" to Vicko is just "This person is bad."

Wow... I dont even know to how to describe how nonsensical this level of bootlicking this is.

At this point, Vick's is just eating the whole damn shoe!

Hell- Erin was mistreated so horribly, even with the slight leeaway, that they lost the will to create for an entire year due to mass burn out from mistreatment- and this is how you treat them?! Especially in an industry, where animators are now dying because of these so called "industry standards" taking over animation causing them to be worked into literal exasusation similar to what Krystal had described with how Spindlehorse "does not sleep"?! You actually think that this is all a "good thing!" for indie animation to become?! Does someone have to actually end up dying from how much they "don't sleep" and how many episodes they have to rush out to meet all your selfish demands while working day and night, in a constant state of stress, for you to realize how fucking bad this is?!

Because doing this shit has been known to KILL PEOPLE!

Rushing projects to the pont of making your artists overwork themselves into constant sleep depravation and stress can literally kill someone! -and if people dont stop encouraging this kind of karoshi-level work "ethics" in even the indie animation industry- the chances of someone actually dying if Spindlehorse's work patterns continue to spread towards other studios is much higher than you think! Overworking to the point of sleep depravation is something that has been known to actually kill people in the animation industry! So what Vicko is describing as "normal" has a high chance of actually causing someone to end up dying of mass stress and sleep depravation! If Vivienne doesn't stop doing this, there is a high chance that if this gets any worse that someone will end up actually dying in her studio. We are getting not just 4+ episodes in only two seasons, but most likely even more, while Spindlehorse is still being overworked to the bone so they can come out this fast. It's gotten that bad. Animation isn't easy, and by fact, overworking people to this extent has a high chance of killing them due to high amounts of stress and constantly being sleep deprived.

THIS BEHAVIOR COULD END UP ACTUALLY KILLING SOMEONE IF PEOPLE DONT STOP SUPPORTING OVERWORKING AND SLEEP DEPRAVATION IN THE ANIMATION INDUSTRY!

By stating this, Vick is implying that it's "normal" for people to be bullied, to be encouraged to mock other people's work in a bad faith way, to have an all nighter at Star Bucks despite literally working in a show that makes millions a month, that doing multiple episodes a year on a non-Disney team, and that being exploited for your work is "normal" for the industry. Because if you're one of the fans who actually GAVE A SHIT and read Erin Frost, Cas, and Squidder's whole receipts- that's exactly what they said what was happening! Bullying, mocking other projects (wow Viv... very not hypocritical of you to actually bully other projects but hate criticism...), and overall bad faith behavior that these people refused to acknowledge, let alone quote anything from thier posts since if they did, these people would have realized that they were spreading misinformation in a heartbeat!

So it wasn't even just "Vivziepop is a awful person" it was IN DEPTH descriptions, and later on, was visual evidence, screenshots, that they were bullied into sending for bait, and then bullied FOR sending by using the NDAS to get them "cancelled". -and even at the time, they had actual descriptions, and these people just slandered them and made claims about what "is and isnt mistreatment" without mentioning anything that actually happened from within the studio, so all of these "innocent till proven guilty unless you like Vivziepop" bullshit didn't even make sense back then either!

"Normal for industry standards!" ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!

Being overworked and sleep deprived, possibly to near death to the point of not having the ability to draw anymore, and to be bullied in your own studio is "normal" work conditions to you Vick?

WHAT THE FUCK?!

If this is the "grand future of indie animation" then im sorry but with all of this capitalistic, mistreating, "monopolize, capitalize" bullshit I think it's safe to say that the indie animation industry is doomed to become like corperations and is therefore- fucked!

It's so fucking disgusting how these people claim that the ex workers were just "mad for being fired!" (slander) and that they had "no" proof despite what they were saying being actual descriptions of what happened while their statements were just "You're lying Viv is innocent!" and "I WILL FIGHT YOU!" but when proof was provided, they let their fandom bully them into locking their twitters as a way to silence them, went on to lie about everything being "under control and improving" but then announcing that 5+ episodes were being made this year- again! Further taking advantage of their workers by sucking every bit of creativity out of them as they can, and people saying nothing about it just because they want clout off of Viv and to bootlick her as much as humanly possible to do so.

They left someone unpaid for AN ENTIRE YEAR after telling them to do an art commision for an audition that they promised to pay them for. So if you still think that this is "normal industry standards!" after all this you are OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND! You're out of your fucking mind- for even thinking for a second that an artist should go without pay for their work. Artists deserve pay, all of them!

These people claim that cancel culture is "wrong" and that they dislike slander, but then will pull shit like "YOU'RE A GLASS JAWED MOTHER FUCKER!" to slander anyone who said that what Viv did was wrong, Vivienne slandering these people by saying that we're "NOT A WRITER!" for critiqueing her show in particular, and "I WILL FIGHT YOU IN THE STREET!" for saying that Vivienne needs to get her act together. This isnt mentally sound behavior, this shit has gone too far and the fact that someone could end up dying because of Vivenne's strive for "perfection" is genuinely terrifying!

WAKE UP!!!!

[em0tionl0rd]

Dear friends,

For anyone who has been a long-time follower or hasn't heard from me in a long time, years even, or has ever wondered/worried about me, this is for you:

The past few years have folded over like an accordion for me. A lot of horrible/terrible things have happened. And my memory is no longer what it used to be. My mind seems to naturally cope with trauma and any negative interactions by locking them away deep within it's confines. Despite this, I always try to stay positive, because I know nobody likes to hear about bad things because it only makes them feel bad. Worse, they feel bad for me, and I don't need need people's sympathy. I just need time to heal, and that's what I have been doing; Taking my time. Previous post on the matter.

It was just One thing after Another, for Years, and my mind's trauma response was to simply cope and continue to endure helplessly instead of push myself away from the situation I was in. You can really see this with my lack of activity on here through my Archive. (not including my art side-blog since I tend to just mass dump whatever art and doodles I've accumulated over there). I was active on Twitter for a bit during Tumblrs downturn, but then Twitter changed. I nuked my art account over there. It's empty. All the posts I made to nobody about my characters and headworld, gone. All because I didn't want my art and ideas stolen and used for Al training.

My main Twitter remains active. I just use it to reblog art now and casually tweet about stuff. Initially I used Twitter to follow content creators, but as my timeline got cluttered, I made alts to follow specific topics. I started using my main to follow news and current issues, and my art account to follow artists and content creators, which I still do, but I retweet to my main only. Then all my art likes stay on my art account and don't comingle with political issues.

I was going to work, and while I would work, I just kept thinking, non-stop. Thinking about all the bad things. Failing to distract myself with my own characters and my story universe. Unintentionally over-sharing with coworkers because at some point in my life I learned how to cope with my anxiety by talking, and talking, and talking.. Unintentionally forming bonds with people I should have never associated with because I felt so desperate for real human interaction other than what I imagined in my head. Something other than my daemons, my conscience, my delusions. The swirling thoughts, the nightmares, the dreams that haunted me just as much as my reality.

Every week, for years, I was experiencing these nightmares. Something would manifest in my room. I could sense it was there. I couldn't escape it. Even if I went to bed and tried my best not to think about it, it would get me. It enjoyed tormenting me.

I started to stay up later and later, fearing laying bed and being prone to this unseen entity. Hoping that depriving myself of sleep would help me fall asleep faster and whisk me away to the sanctity of dreams, but even then, I wasn't safe. If I ever overslept, or didn't do enough to make myself tired before bed, it would find me. If it was merely psychosis, I couldn't tell, because it felt so real.

Eventually, after everything I went through with my ex, things changed for the better, when it came to sleep at least. There was no longer a shadowy presence standing there, grinning at me feet from my bed, or watching me at my desk, waiting for me to go to bed. Instead, there were actual hallucinations. Sleep depravation had taken it's toll on me. My ex had kept me awake many, many nights during my workweek, and forced me to drink with him, or made noise that kept me awake because he would stay up all night.

I distinctly remember watching these long brown withered fingers reaching out of the utility closet in the bedroom while we were both sleeping, and shaking the door violently as if it were trying to get out/in. My eyes were open just enough while I was asleep for this to fully wake me up and scare me. I remember turning over to my ex whimpering and he didn't even care..

Then when he was finally gone (for good), I continued to hallucinate. I had gotten into such a habit of staying up, on top of my uncomfortable sleeping situation due to work related physical pain (among other things), that I started seeing full-body characters dancing in my doorframe. This was completely new to me because before, it was less of a visual hallucination and more like THERE IS A GHOST RIGHT THERE, and now it was more like my eyes were legit not working properly. I just remember staring at my door and seeing all the Digimon characters, full color and everything, dancing and moving around like my eyes were projecting a perfect recreation of them.

I noticed in the past that if I binged a certain amount of content, my eyes would start generating new versions of what I was looking at whenever I closed my eyes. Like my brain could take all this information and create something completely unique and original, which amazed me. For example, whenever I would browse Deviantart and look at character designs or dragons or something, I would close my eyes and every time I closed my eyes I would see a completely new and unique fleshed out design in full color. The downside was that they were usually too detailed for me to do justice in drawing.

I also just see ever-changing generic psychedelic patterns and colorful concentric waves at the edges of my vision. The only time I ever see these properly with my eyes fully open is if I'm staring at the ceiling or the grass or if I press my arm against my eyes. Then there was the one time I was flying out of LA and had taken a 1g thc tab while sleep deprived and noticed a little blob of rainbows in the plane window after take-off. (my ex pushed alcohol and weed on me really hard despite me not wanting anything to do with it bc i don't need it)

So anyway, I had binge watched Digimon Adventure and was now seeing all of the characters in my bedroom door. That was a new one for me. Before I would just stare at the cottage cheese patterned ceiling and try to make out characters in the bumps. I did this my whole life as I had the same ceiling as a kid at my childhood home.

I went back and watched Digimon because I never really got to watch it as a kid and had vague memories of it being overly-dramatic (I was like maybe 4-5) and My Gosh that show goes hard for a kids show. Completely unrelated to my rambling but I wish more kids shows were comfortable tackling such hard-hitting issues, my gosh. Modern media is too soft and probably sets a bad example of reality. (my dad let me watch gory horror movies, rated r flicks, and explicit 90s anime as a kid so who am i to talk)

Before my ex and around the time the nightmares started, I started having surreal auditory hallucinations while half awake. I remember waking up to a small black geometric object floating above my face with blue lines running across it's surface. I was in the thralls of sleep paralysis and felt like it was just floating there above my face watching me. Another time, while my niece was over, I remember hearing something at the top of my stairs, clawing at the carpet and growling at me. For context, I was living in my mom's attic. It was relatively small, with low ceiling, and carpeted.

This thing that was growling at me and snarling genuinely worried me because my niece started developing very strange behavioral issues around this time, but I won't get into that here. I don't think people want to hear my supernatural/paranormal psychology ramblings. I'm just happy that after talking to my mom about it my niece is getting some much needed help. I was so worried that I remember breaking down and crying over it at work.

I felt like something was attached to my niece, and that thing was sort of a manifestation of that that only I could hear while I was half awake. Before it climbed the stairs and started growling, I distictly remember hearing it mimicking my nieces laughter (she was just a baby). And the way it dug it's claws into the carpet and growled, this guttural snarl, I couldn't tell what it was. It felt inhuman.

Around this time, because I was so isolated, and generally miserable, all the research I had been doing into various paranormal and metaphysical phenomena had taken a detrimental toll on my mental health. As you can clearly tell from all of this rambling about things unseen. I started believing that lizard people were real and lived on Saturn. Yes, because I read it on someone's blog. And because of that, I started to be attacked in my sleep by what I can only describe as something reptilian in nature. It somehow had the ability to appear before me and put me into sleep paralysis, pick me up, and send me to the shadow realm (or at least that's what it felt like) where it would claw and bite and do unspeakable things to me while I was unable to move or fight back or even scream.

These experiences carried over after my mom kicked me out. They followed me to my apartment, and they stuck with me for a majority of the time I was with my ex. Part of me really hoped that living with a real living breathing human being would help me out of my psychosis, but that was kind of hard given that he was an actual sociopath and psycho himself. I had no grounding in reality other than work. Work started feeling like an escape. And talking with coworkers even more-so.

For context, my mom did nothing to help. Both of my parents have mental health issues, and I don't want to talk about it. I'm saving that for my biography. My mom kicked me out because the internship program she forced me into in 2018-2019 didn't get me employed right away, so I ended up living with a social worker for a short while who was also a pet foster. It was a bit chaotic with all the animals but I was able to get a job and my own place and get away from my mom which was good. Also my mom was drinking when she decided to come upstairs and lecture me (again) for 2+ hours about how useless I was.

As you can tell, there was already plenty of fuel on the fire for my mental health issues to spiral out of control. I started to neglect my art, my characters, my story, my wellbeing. Yet I somehow managed to keep it together, for the most part. Enough to be employable and push myself to socialize more at work and be personable and friendly. It helps to be overly self-conscious of how I come off to people due to being bullied throughout HS for being "weird"..

I felt like I peaked in 2014-2015 while I was still in Highschool and spent most of my time outside of school hanging out with friends in Minecraft servers. I was having so much fun despite my circumstances, but then the balance shifted in a really bad direction. At one point I was even living with my grandma in an even worse situation back in 2017 just because I was that desperate to get away from my mom.

While in my internship program I realized how freeing it was to be out in the city during the day while taking the bus to work. I was far away from home back in that small farm town and got to spend time at the mall every day which was cool. I got to see the city in fall and winter and it translated well into living on my own bc I had already familiarized myself with the bus routes enough to continue using them when I got another job. I also used them when I was with my ex to get out. Other than that I biked to work. More on that later.

And during my downtime in this program I spent so much time drawing. It was like being back in class in Highschool and sitting at my desk and doodling while the teacher was talking. (it was literally the same) Other than that, I spent most of my time on my laptop doing whatever I could to distract myself from my current situation out of habit. I'd draw digitally, but I struggled to motivate myself to do anything useful with it.

For a long time I relied on Youtube and social media as an escape and a distraction from my problems. Frequently venting to friends online. Paragraph after paragraph. Driving them crazy. Even driving people away. I just didn't know what to do because I felt so helpless. I even became active in the local metaphysical community. I took classes and became a certified psychic (not kidding). I met and attended classes with a paranormal psychologist. And I hung out with a wizard. (RIP)

Needless to say, I think metaphysics and spirituality are bunk at this point. I only see value in maybe paranormal psychology, because at the end of the day, it is literally all in our heads, even if our heads are literally a window into another world sometimes (even if said other world is just dreams and imagination). Taking a huge step back from my interest in the paranormal genuinely helped me heal and become better about handling myself, where I was no longer letting illusory entities harass me in my sleep.

I remember sitting in bed that fateful night and just saying in my head to myself, "This is all in my head and I am the one in control". Then I never got attacked again. Something I didn't mention throughout this whole spiel was that I had an imaginary friend and I frequently imagined myself doing the dirty with said imaginary friend (who is also a character of mine). The "attacks" were simply an escalation of all the kinky shit in my head and all the bullshit alien conspiracies I had been immersing myself in. I had let myself get to a point where I genuinely believed that something else was controlling me outside of myself. Very not mentally healthy if you ask me.

Near the end I remember having to make sure my bedroom door and closet doors were closed, and to cover my eyes and ears with something just to prevent them from playing tricks on me while I slept.

Anyways, lucid dreams, daydreams, OBEs, and sleep paralysis had become normalized to me at a young age. I frequently dreamed about flying and imagining characters in my head. It genuinely became an escape and coping mechanism for me, especially with the creation of an imaginary friend as a teenager because I struggled to make real meaningful friends. Changing schools several times didn't help that of course. I still experience these things and still enjoy them but don't take them as seriously anymore, but they're still fun, even addicting at times. I feel like the human mind is an endlessly deep pool that continues to amaze me at times.

As for my ex boyfriend, god.. It was like dating Murdoc irl, but somehow worse, and sadder. I wanted that Stockholm Syndrome abusive boyfriend relationship sooo badly. Like I felt I needed to be punished for being such an outcast. He Almost killed me. Aside from the few bicycle accidents on the way to work, I think what he did will leave me limping and struggling to walk for the rest of my life.

Also fuck the creep I met at my last job. Holy shit, now that guy was Literally insane. I genuinely hope his kid will be okay. (why the fuck does he have a child holy shit)

Lastly, I am doing better. At least I think I am. It's hard to tell. I'm just happy to be drawing again and enjoying it. After all the BS I went through over the past few years, I actually got pretty rusty so a lot of what I'm drawing might get dumped on my art blog, but in the meantime, I'm just happy I'm posting art and people are enjoying it as much as I do. I haven't felt this stable about my art in a long time. Getting out of that apartment and away from the city and all of those negative memories weighing me down was a huge step in the right direction.

If you read all of this for whatever reason, good for you. Have a gold star. Lemme know if you would read my biography. I have plenty more fucked up stories where these came from, and this is just incoherent rambling that skips most of the awful details.

[agnol117]

Series I, Part XII

SCP-067 - The Artist’s Pen

I am reflecting now that, for a website that is ostensibly a horror website, a lot of the skips aren’t actually scary?

Like this one. It’s just a pen that takes you over and makes you write things, probably against your will. That’s a little scary, I suppose, but it also relinquishes control when it’s done, so it’s not like, super scary? I dunno. It certainly is weird, I’ll give it that.

7/10

SCP-068 - The Wire Figure

While I reject the idea that fiction needs to have a “point,” the fact that several skips don’t seem to have one is odd. Like, fine, it’s a weird little metal dude that makes more weird little metal dudes, then climbs into them like a Gundam, but like, to what end? It doesn’t necessarily need a purpose, I suppose, but the complete lack of one is baffling, especially because once it hits Gundam phase it just stops.

4/10

SCP-069 - The Second Chance

Oh I like this one.

So it takes on the appearance and memory of someone who died recently, and tries to get their life in order in case of another sudden death. It’s currently suicidal because it was told that the family of the real person it’s currently replicating knows the real one is dead. It’s great.

I like that this one, unlike 068, does seem to actually do something. And it’s sort of benevolent, if you squint. It’s a great idea all around.

9/10

SCP-070 - Iron Wings

I’ll admit to a bit of confusion on this one. Is the skip the dude, or is it the wings? Either way, I’m not really feeling this one.

4/10

SCP-071 - Degenerative Metamorphic Entity

I feel like the researcher note kills this one. On its own, the idea is creepy and weird (I especially like that the degenerative effect happens even if you “achieve auto-gratification through masturbation via use of media containing SCP-071”), and it makes sense why it’s a skip. The researcher note just takes it a step too far. It’s not enough that it’s a creepy sex monster/virus thing, no. We’ve gotta make sure we throw in some truly depraved D class personnel. Brings it down a few points, unfortunately.

5/10

SCP-072 - The Foot of the Bed

Oh hey it’s one of my deepest fears.

I like how this one is marked as “safe.” Presumably because, as long as no one sleeps in the bed and leaves their foot out, nothing will happen. And they’ve got the mattresses contained or destroyed, so it’s not going to happen accidentally. Still, hate it.

10/10