#slapping mind with the “its a texture thing” reason

[sneeb-canons]

mind eats everything that gets shit on your hands that you usually don't eat with utensils (in AMERICA WHERE I LIVE [eagle screeches] [gunshots]) with chopsticks. this is the only reason he learned how to use chopsticks and he is thus the only person who uses chopsticks. for pizza he spears it and continuously rotates it around the chopstick. it's [logical] and [more convenient]. heart thinks he's a bit of a freak soul doesn't care because he's busy drinking paint or whatever

-i don't think i want my name on this actually but

Headcanon #711

[heartfullofleeches]

fake pizza boy yan developed a concerning taste for seeing darling eating his cum after that first encounter and starts bringing a variety of menu items with “ranch dips” and “vanilla shakes”. plenty of visual material to keep the supply up for his next “delivery” and he is definitely not spiraling into crisis just because the only thing that gets him hard for his other shoots is the mental image of darling stuffed full of his—

(Slapping these two together since they have a similar premise)

Yan Adult Film Star Pizza Boy + Reader [18+]

[Masterbation, Food Play]

-

"Come on..... Come on....."

Twenty minutes till deadline. Since the beginning of his career he stuck to a strict schedule. A simple routine to get the ball rolling as he dipped his toes in the new venture. Now that he had so many eyes on him and his content, Brie was able to take more breaks in between filming, but at this point it had been almost two weeks since he posted anything at all.

He tried everything. His hands. Toys. Videos. Brie even thought about buying pills at one point, but gaining an erection wasn't the hard part of his situation. His viewers were into a lot of things - but if there was one thing that really got their wallets open for him it was when he painted the nearest surface to him with a heavy load of his release. His donations would be flooded with comments from his hands how they wished to be his desk or pillows - or for the opportunity to lick said object clean.

Kind of like how you licked your fingers clean on the day he first met you.

The brief flicker of your face in his mind made his aching length jump in his spit stained palm. The encounter he had with you was all that he could think about anymore. He was obssessed - The innocent confusion as you opened the front door, the genuine gratitude in your expression as you handed him some cash for all his troubles and the free meal. Brie would pay anything to see you sample his sauce again. The way your eyes lit up as the flavor registered on your tongue-

"Mmh....."

What he wouldn’t give to have those lips wrapped around him. If you liked what he gave you so much what better than to get it straight from the source, right? The slick sound of friction grows louder as his hand moves quicker - eyes scanning every corner of his room for more fuel for his fantasies. He wish he had kept the photos he found of you online on screen, but he feared loosing that knot of pleasure twisting at his insides if he took his focus off the task at hand for any reason.

His eyes fall on the drink cup from the takeout he picked up earlier in the day. A boring Styrofoam cup with no clear ties to any restaurant would be the perfect container to bring you another item off the menu. The peach tea he had earlier would be a dead giveaway for any tampering. He needed something thicker, ideally with a creamy texture.

A milkshake.

Who wouldn't enjoy a nice, refreshing shake after pizza? You surely had to be thirsty after eating all that bread. Brie fisted his cock to the image of you on your knees beneath his table - hands gripping the meat of his thighs as your mouth hung open awaiting your treat. You'd look so cute under him like that - his fans would absolutely love you-

A surge of jealousy strengths his grip. Nobody should get to see you like that but him. Those perverts could fotk over their life savings and it wouldn't be enough for Brie to share you with them. Maybe the occasional stream with the two of you couldn't hurt - your face held against his pelvis as he stuffed that pretty throat so nobody could see anything but his cock slipping past your perfect lips.

"Ah.... Y/n...." It's the first time he's said your name. The first time he's let his imagination run this wild. He makes a mental note to cut it out during editingthe. Brie swipes the camera off his desk, angling it better towards his lap and the empty floor below him. He then makes a grab for the empty cup - popping off its lid as he positions the container between his legs. They tremble - barely holding into the styrofoam without crushing it as Brie spits - whimpering as he coats his girth in another layer of his saliva. For a fleeting moment he can perfectly picturing the warmth dripping down his cock as your own - and that's all it takes for him to come undone.

Brie cries out your name with a shakey breath, clutching the edge of his desk for stability as his upper body lurches forward, pouring ropes upon ropes of his spend in the general direction of the cup. It's too much- With it being so long since the last time he came, this hard - tears stab at the corners of his eyes as he shutters, nails peeling chipping at the polished finish of his desk. He misses his intended target at first go, thighs glistening with cum as he hurriedly fixes the cup to catch the remainder.

Brie takes a long pause to catch his breath before wipping off his camera lense, posing with a shakey thumb up as he holds the cup for all to see.

"Shake's ready- Guess it's about time I make another delivery~"

-

"And here you are, one milkshake on the house. We're always trying out new things in the kitchen and like to reward our loyal customers by letting them sample new items first."

Swirling your straw through the thick slurry, you take another sip with a satisfied hum. "Hm. You said this was salted caramel, yeah?"

The delivery boy snaps back to attention - seemingly lost in thought as you gulp down the shake. "Y-yes. That's right- Your thoughts?"

"It's pretty damn good, actually. Been getting kinda hot these past couple of nights so this is just what I needed right about now."

Brie bites down hard on his bottom lip as you place the cool styrofoam against your bare neck, condensation running down to your chest.

"I forgot to ask the last time I can, but my boss finds it really helpful if I get some pictures of satisfied customers to put up. Would you mind if I took a couple of you right now?"

[ghostlysoaps]

What comes a'knocking in the night

[part 1]

Ghost sleeps in rare moments. It had never come easy to him when the act of it invites vulnerability, leaves him open to being taken advantage of, and rarely offers the relief it should. But the safehouse outside of Las Almas is… fine. The core of the one-four-one is there. Mostly familiar faces outside of them. Structures mapped out and vetted. He could, without a shadow of a doubt, disappear in the rafters should the situation call for it.

And still he wakes in lung-crushing terror.

In his disoriented state he thinks, with choked-back laughter bordering on hysterics, that he might have come to awareness with a rusted hook between the ribs again. The pain is acute, sharp, all-consuming; rooted to his heart the way the scent of sunbaked dust clings to his stowed gear. He flings the covers off himself, scrambling to his feet with a wild look around the spartan room.

He’s alone. Safe. Alive against all odds.

Ghost feels over the concrete until its chill bleeds into his palms and the rough texture scrapes his skin in pink swaths.

There’s no blood on them.

There’s too much blood to wash out and it partially belongs to his team.

To Johnny.

His next breath punches out of him and he keens. Desperate to rid himself off the image of porous sand swallowing blood like a gaping maw, of laughing eyes dulled, lips stilled, a body unmoving and yet dogging his every step, he pivots from the closed curtains to the entrance of his minuscule quarters – determined to exchange one set of discomfort for another.

The judgement he’ll find reflected in the mirror, the accusatory anger and disgust, means a scalding shower is out of the question. Running isn't in the cards given the situation they’re in. Venting his frustrations out in the small corner dedicated to exercise – until there’s a valid reason for his breaths to come in ragged gasps, mask clinging to his lips with perspiration – now that’s something he can do. Push himself to the edge and beyond in an attempt to regain some sense of equilibrium. It’s not punishment, he reasons, if it’ll help him sleep through the night. Not when he’ll need every ounce of energy in the morning.

Destination in mind, Ghost flees the remnants of memories and glides down the halls the way his namesake suggests.

The door he finds himself at swings open under the loving attention of thin metal. He hesitates for less than a second before he steps inside. It’s a familiar sight. A tiny, concrete box containing a bolted shelf for unused gear and a single bed. The tangled sheets rise and fall with the motion of breaths and Ghost creeps forward to crouch by the headboard, eyes roving over the body within it.

Safe and sound. Mouth lax, drooling into the pillow he’s jammed half his face into, generating heat like a damn furnace. If Ghost had possessed less sense than he does, he’d reach out and brush the over-long strands of hair from his forehead, feel his sleep-warm skin to truly hammer home that Johnny, despite his tendency for recklessness, is alive and well.

Having him close settles the last vestige of panic hammering behind his ribcage.

He doesn’t know how long he’s there before Johnny stirs. All scrunched nose and flicking ears and fluttering lashes as he drowsily blinks his eyes open. A moment of incomprehension passes before he jerks upward. Ghost makes the split-second decision to slap a hand over his mouth, stifling his yell into a muffled thing. Claws bite into his forearm and under his palm Soap’s lips part in a rumbling growl, the bones of his face beginning to shift.

“Settle down.”

Johnny goes rigid at the sound of his voice, eyes narrow, and he spitefully digs his claws in deeper when he wrenches Ghost’s hand off his face.

“Settle doon?!” he hisses through too-large teeth. “Damn near gave me a heart attack ‘n ye want me t’ simmer. Un-fuckin’-believable, sir.”

“Your spacial awareness is shite.”

“I was sleeping!” Soap snaps his teeth in irritation, jerking forward to do so an inch from Ghost's face. But despite the rude awakening, the way he looks as if taking a pound of flesh is still in the cards, he relaxes. The show of trust, subconscious as it is, sinks in Ghost's stomach like lead. There's no time to beat himself up over it because Soap tenses again and casts a weary eye towards the exits. “Are we–?”

“No.”

“Why're ye ‘ear then?”

“Couldn't sleep.”

“So ye decided I coudnae either?”

Ghost shrugs.

Soap groans, long and low, flopping down on his back. He scrubs both hands down his face, leaves them there for a moment, then lowers them to blink tiredly at the ceiling. It’s… not great. Guilt threatens to choke him when he realises just how exhausted Soap looks. The dark circles beneath his eyes, the lines slowly etching themselves onto his face, the stark bandaging around his bicep hiding a wound Ghost knows for sure isn’t all the way healed. Stupid of him, to think his needs above that of his sergeant’s.

“Ye cannae keep doing this, Lt.”

“Breaking into your room?”

Soap’s face scrunches together in a rather unattractive manner. His jaw twitches, no doubt chewing on whether or not to ask if he’s done so before, but what he ultimately ends up with is: “This hot ‘n cold act you’ve got goin’. It needs to stop. I cannae–” he breaks off with a huff. “I need to know where I stand wit’ ye before I do something stupid like deciding yer pack.” He turns to look at Ghost again, lips twisted into a bitter smile. “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t know.” It’s all strings, tangled together into an unravelable mess, the emotions he can’t put a name to nestled amongst the ones he knows more intimately than the violence his hands are capable of. “I want to carve open your ribcage.”

Perhaps he leaves out the part of wishing to curl up in there, wrap himself around Johnny’s spine and stay until he couldn’t remember what hurting felt like. He wasn’t made for this. To want. Not unless it came alongside gallons of blood and the bite of steel into flesh. Whatever this budding thing between them is, it’s not all thorns, and that scares him to death.

“A’right,” Johnny says, drawing the word out long, sounding a lot less perturbed at the prospect than any sane man should. “What’s stopped you?”

Ghost shrugs again. “I’ve needed you up until now.”

“Nah.” Soap stretches lazily, like he hasn't a care in the world, and tucks himself right into Ghost’s personal space. “Could’ve left me in Las Almas, no questions asked. Instead ye compromised yerself to get me out o’ there in… mostly one piece.”

“Maybe I want to be the one to do it.”

“Again,” Johnny drawls, “what’s stopping ye?”

Ghost says nothing.

“See, this is what I mean.” Soap punctuates his statement with a snort, an insufferable smirk dawning in the wake of it. “You threaten to kill me, but you like me alive. Leave me to fend for myself, though no one fights alone. Shoots my look-alike without a moment's hesitation but sneaks into my room the very same night.” He taps a clawed fingertip to the hardshell of Ghost's mask after every sentence, thawing a tad when the last one causes him to flinch. “Would it be so bad, trusting someone?”

“Yes.”

“Do it anyway.”

No, would be the correct response, contrarian and truthful. Ghost swipes a thumb over Soap’s cheekbone, stares at his hopelessly earnest expression while mulling words and experiences over. Knows he's too far gone already. Tries to make himself believe that Johnny isn't, and if they're lucky, that'll be enough to save him.

“I’ll try,” he murmurs and the grin he’s awarded with nearly makes the terror worth it.

[cawcawbeech]

SIX OF CROWS AND KISSING !!

(Welcome to this silly but intricate guide nobody asked for)

Just so everybody knows and is fully aware, I literally never kissed anybody in my whole damn life. I dont much care to try (for now) unless your name is Amita fucking Suman (jkjk, or not), but that doesnt mean I didnt do some very extensive research on the topic just so I can write what are hopefully non-generic scenes where all of my favorite characters make out till the following sunrise without a single other thought plaguing their empty little minds (exception being if the said thought is used to deepen 'the plot').

Before I say much else, I would like to note that THIS is just a very detailed bullet point list on kissing for all of my boys and girls separate of their partners assigned to them in canon or by the fandom. We will get to how it would actually go in different scenarios with different ships a bit later on if I decide it wont be a waste of my time. PS: No, not every kiss / kisser has to be extraordinary or unique or have whatever traits I ended up slapping on these characters here, Im just extra like that. And its not like anybody can stop me. Deal with it and simply enjoy (whatever this may be)!

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→

JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY

Jesper has had his fair share of practice in this particular field, we all know it. That is no reason to say that he is a perfect kisser, there are many who have done way more, constantly brag about it, and yet still leave you disappointed. But, this is Jesper we are talking about. Kuwei has said that he is a great kisser too, I choose to trust him on that. That joke he made to cheer up Wylan at Olendaal, the one about kissing Nina / Matthias 'with tongue', it doesnt have to mean anything, but I like to think he is a tongue kind of guy. I also like to think that he is adaptable to any type of person though, he aims to please through-and-through. It saddens me to look deeper, to think about how that may be a result of his low self-esteem, but in moments like these, it makes him happy most of the time, and it is all I could hope for when it comes to my boy.

The first relationship he had been a witness to, the one his mother and father shared before her death, had been a very healthy one. I wouldnt call Colm the perfect father, certainly not after his wife was gone, albeit he is significantly better compared to the hands the rest of our favourite characters have been dealth with, but he was good to Aditi. Most kids, including myself, were the type to be grossed out by PDA, especially when its between their parents, and while thats not in any way a bad thing, we can clearly see that Jesper was not of that type.

Despite his many faults, he was raised fairly well. He knows how to make a comfortable environment, to recognize a clear invitation, what to ask and what not to ask, what is acceptable and what he shouldnt do without a more in-depth discussion. He knows how to create and opportunity where one could deny him if they so wished. I wouldnt say its some overly high bar to jump over, if anything it is the most basic standard any and all should hold themselves to, but I call Jesper 'the consent king' for a reason.

Its said in the book that his mind empties when he kisses the right person, that thinking of methaphors clearly means something is wrong, but hes still pretty descriptive in his POVs if you ask me. Its also very clear that he likes to kiss deep, slow, and involve other sensations throughout which is the part where Id like to include some of my very own hcs (slight temperature / texture play where he drags his rings over skin, hair pulling is a given but I can see him also liking to touch peoples ears a lot, talking in between and whispering during the few subtly initiated pauses, etc). Jespers favourite type of kiss would probably be those he iniciates as soon as he wakes up in the morning. It rains often in Ketterdam, its normal, so he would also probably be one of the rare creatures among the regular Kerch citizens who finds kissing in the rain romantic.

KAZ BREKKER (RIETVELD)

Kaz will have to go through some major healing first, no doubts about that, but Id say he would probably be one of the elite members of the 'Im keeping my eyes open for this' club (until he isnt). I doubt he does much analyzing during, mentally he is on another planet thats probably many lightyears away as he tends to do with a lot of other even remotely intimate things, but theres lots of squinting, eyelid fluttering... Kaz is basically a personafication of that cliche 'when did I close them' quote. In my own experience, I can barely hold eye contact when talking, but I dont really see this as a bad trait. I also dont see it as a trauma response either like some would assume it would be for Kaz, I think its just a him thing. If this man didnt want to kiss somebody, you would not be kissing him, end of.

He likes to focus on teeth, whether by unconsciously (or consciously) biting his partner, having your teeth bump into each other, or licking his own after youre done. Theres lots of shuddering, youll feel him there more than youll hear him, but he is not completely silent either. I dont think he would like beeing cornered, picked up or lifted in any way except on very rare occasions. Just like the pulse thing where he feels for it on the wrist (or neck once he is more comfortable), feeling his weight including the pain of his leg serves to ground him. Perhaps he might also like feeling of you breathing through your nose on his face for the same reasons? He doesnt like leaving things unfinished, even if its just a peck, he will make sure it feels 'complete', I dont know how else to put it. If anybody could overuse the words "Again?", it would be Kaz motherfucking Brekker.

Im in no way saying he will be good, in fact, theres lots of traits here that many wouldnt like, but he tries when he wants to (and again, you would not be kissing this man if he didnt want it), he will learn and he will remember the smallest of details (so that he can ponder over them later). The only thing we hear about Kazs appearance related to his mouth is that there is a scar running through his upper lip. I never got it when people talked about kisses having a taste, but Kaz seems to often call people light-weight, so clearly, he handles his alcohol well, perhaps having developed such a habit to settle down his own supposedly non-existent nerves. It might not be the main reason, we heard about him being on the receiving end of many fights that in certain circumstances and with the ways they are handled lead to similar results, but liquor does leave one dehydrated and with chapped lips.

WYLAN VAN ECK (HENDRIKS)

Unless he is particulary fired up, Wylan likes to start slow and chaste no matter if you are the first, the thousanth person he has kissed or just a person he has kissed a thousand times. Unlike Kaz, he has some experience, sheltered kids know how to have fun in secret (and Im the last person who would ignore that 'lie' about him being kicked out for bedding the tutor, theres some truth to everything), but he is also nowhere near the level of Jesper or Nina or Matthias. We know he likes when his partner feels calm and like they are actually in their body before he goes in for the kill, we saw it with Jesper, but we also see that he isnt the type who needs to ask every time and will just do it when 'the time feels right'. Look out, he just might squeeze into your shirt while youre wearing it and do a makeshift 'surprise attack' from there if he is determined enough for it.

From that, we could say he might have some other habits, including but not limited to the familiar one of guiding his partner through breathing patterns. Maybe sometimes he likes to hold onto your forearms more tightly than necessary (not forcefully though), have your knees touch and bump into one another, straighten his own / your items of clothing, compare hand sizes while making weirdly-intense eye contact, use his thumb to subtly rub at a random tensed muscle, touch foreheads if he is tall enough or rub his face along the side of your neck, anything that would focus your attention to him and the moment... Ironically, as a follow up to the last point and as the kiss drags on, he forgets that he is an actual person who has a weight to them and has to lean back against something with the help of his partner before he falls down and cracks his goddamn skull open.

He likes to leave an effect on whoever he is kissing, but he also likes to 'clean up after himself' as much as possible after its done, which once again serves to bring both of you back down. So yeah, he would probably do something like twirling a stay peace of hair around his finger before neatly tucking it back in place, running that same finger across a brow, down the nose or along the jawline, nudging you playfully with his shoulder, hips or elbows, swaying a bit to slowly return the atmosphere back to relaxed as he secretely links your pinky fingers together. Lips would be his main focus, and he especially likes the soothing effect it has when he is sleepy, but he could also grow to like eyelid, nose, tummy or thigh kisses when it comes to placement.

INEJ GHAFA

Inej has had many men kiss her throughout her life, and unfortunately, theres no need to debate whether she truly enjoyed any of them. Oh how I would love to say that every shitty person is also shit at every other skill they try to master, however, that doesnt have to be the case. The fact that she was a brothel girl doesnt have to mean all of her kisses were bad (to specify, that refers to the technique). That being said, I think she would appreciate the message more than the way its done. It also might result in her not exactly caring about the placement of a kiss, palm, knuckles, hair, cheek, neck, lips, any of them would be equally as intimate to her, platonic or otherwise. Its somewhat similar to what Wylan also likes, but very different too once you look further.

As is with Kaz, you would not be kissing the Inej we know now unless she didnt want you to. I probably should have said this earlier, no, I dont mean that any of the other Crows would enjoy a kiss that was not what they wanted, they wouldnt ignore the signs and will fight the person off if needed, but I hope you understand why Im emphasizing it for these two in particular. I think her kisses would be short, but sweet, a petite little package that can deliver a punch under a right set of conditions, just like she can, the same going for her ship. Physically, we know her lips have an upturn to their shape. As is true with alcohol, salt water has the same drying effect that is only made worse by licking.

One other feature that might make Inejs kisses unique is a possibility of her aquiring more jewellery during her travels. I always imagined that the Suli find piercings to be very meaningful. Perhaps she had some since a very young age, perhaps they were taken from her too during her time at the Menagerie, maybe the holes closed naturally over the long months, maybe she got more whilst working for Kaz, and although it was not put there for such a reason, a lip ring (just as an example) has quite a pleasing effect for either side.

She holds a special appreciation for people who remember their first kiss, or at least remember their first kiss with her, a courtesy she will offer in return as well. It takes special kind of brave to get close (she knows better than most) and never lets the feat of overcoming fear go unappreciated. For some reason, I can see her counting the seconds, not for any reason at all. I wouldnt say its something particulary good nor bad, but Inej doesnt give me the 'let me kiss your words away' signals no matter the situation. The phrases that would fit more would be "We will get through this", "Stay strong, for you", "Lets face it together" or "We shall see each other once more". She seems like the type to keep her affairs secret, but at the end of the day, I also dont think she would mind PDA all that much.

KUWEI YUL-BO

I know the fandom likes to joke that Kuwei is the bad kisser between the two, seeing as to how Jesper was left 'disappointed' even before knowing the truth behind who he was actually kissing... But I dont think that had to do much with the kiss itself. We were told that Jesper liked Kuweis body plenty enough, but even if it were really Wylan (both in shape and spirit), Jesper wasnt in the right space, and Kuweis silence and mannerisms didnt do much to help.

Now, this is a personal headcanon, but one of the habits I think he might pick up in the Little Palace would be scratching his nose or covering his mouth before he goes in for a kiss. Or well, I like to imagine that being his tell among all the snarky comebacks, vicious flirting and sly glances. And seeing as to how playful he is with his powers and how much he grows to use them for mischief and otherwise in KOS, I like to think that his face is always warm to the touch as Kuwei himself is constantly touching it. Random instert, this man unironically likes lemons and you will without a doubt taste quite an assortment of teas while with him.

Some people care about the emotional setting, some like keeping it casual, and some like having that perfect mix of both. Kuwei might acknowledge that in different ways and act accordingly, but I also think he might care more about the physical setting and connect good actions with places rather than specific people or mutual feelings. This man is a certified tease, unless you pull him towards you which is exactly what he wants, he is 100%, absolutely ready to keep a partner on the edge of their seat, kiss the corner of their mouth, or maybe with the lips barely touching. Instead of licking his own lips out of habit or to seduce, he would lick yours. Kuwei being a tease might also be a way for him to set up walls? In a sense that hes reminding both himself and the person hes kissing that this is just a kiss and it doesnt mean anything. And when hes kissed by someone he loves and trusts, hes downright pathetic, super soft and annoyingly sweet about it.

I dont know where else to put it so it will have to be here, but I like to think he chewed on his lips a lot as a child and whilst in captivity, leaving him with barely visible indents once he reached adulthood. When it comes to the type, Id say he could end up enjoying goodnight kisses next to the fireplace or lit by the flame in his own hand more than he would like doing anything in the early morning. Kuwei tends to get frustrated and bored easily so that might lead to certain effects as well, more specifically the speed, angle and desperation. He has hid for long enough and doesnt much care about who sees what, only whether they got a nice view from wherever they were standing at the time.

NINA ZENIK

Nina has practiced CPR from a very young age (I wouldnt call any of those a true kiss by any means, but it will make slightly more sense in just a moment), we see her perform one on Kaz in the books without hesitation, so I doubt her first 'kiss' was particularly enjoyable or wholly consentual or that she even remembers it. Perhaps from that, her kisses would grow to be particulary breathy in the future, although that doesnt mean its some kind of rule or that its not just a result of her personality being put into how she goes about it. We already know temple kisses are her thing among some other stuff, but she also doesnt seem to have a similar kind of bond with any other type that is not at neck level or above. Shes fine with them, but always seems to go to certain spots herself when she has a choice, singing and laughing through all of it. As Matthias tends to say a lot, the chase is a game to her, whether on top or beneath, she still wins.

Her skin is said to be soft, and supposedly so are her lips, plus the girl is a Heartrender and that surely results in many privileges. Surprisingly enough, I wouldnt say she is particularly experienced in the world of romance, even if her talent at sweet-talking might suggest otherwise. Perhaps shes had flings, one or two, maybe even a relationship at some point, but I dont see much more in my visions of her backstory. "Dont you want to play with me?" and "Cant you handle it?" are some of the repeating phrases in her vocabulary, but oh, it only gets worse once she feels well and truly romanced, swept off her feet as one might say, and that takes lots of effort. Its a good thing we know Nina has some high expectations, that way all of us can be her personal wingmen.

If anybody could obtain the famous movie achievement of leaving a string of saliva to connect her lips with her partners for just a few more moments, it would be Nina. Speaking of such things, she may also be the only one for who the 'let me kiss you against this wall so that they dont spot us' scenario might actually work (in theory), or at least give her enough time to incapacitate them during their confusion since she tends to be quite loud appearance wise. Likes being attended to and coddled, and no kiss has a chance without a firm grab or two. Will die if you do a tango dip with her in your arms. She is one of the biggest fans of mistletoes and finds it extremely romantic. Sometimes, when she is invited to watch a play or show, she will turn around and kiss her partner whenever the actors do. "Consider me madly in love. With the kisses, not you. ... But maybe also you if you did it again."

MATTHIAS BENEDIK HELVAR

And finally, we have our romantic-at-heart of the group, Matthias. Now, his and Ninas romance is the most obvious and out-in-the-open throughout the whole duology, and frankly he is the one I had the most trouble with writing, but the difference between seeing their first kiss from Ninas perspective and the one of Matthias is that theirs was his first kiss ever. All of his actions leading up to it, as well as those after, are a promise in some way or another, and Im not only talking about his vow to her. Nothing could have prepared me for when he lifted Nina straight off her feet and held her there as he kissed her, yet it was also the most in-character thing he ever could have done.

Matthias will absolutely, every time, start an hour long conversation on what led him to this moment, if it is the right time, the right place, the right everything... He will continue up until he himself is basically internally shouting at his own mouth to shut itself (he has very low patience despite everything mentioned above) or his partner takes the initiative themselves. The second option is prefered by both parties and a 5-star whine is the expected plus-one to excellent service. He is the type to gulp when you get too close. Will go mad if you can tell when he is holding on by a thread despite his lack of many facial expressions, especially if told something along the lines of "Just lose control, love".

He is particularly sensitive for textures. All humans are to some extent, the lips have more nerve endings in them than fingertips, but Matthias is the one who is fullfilled by it the most and frequently says stuff related to it like "Are you wearing chapstick?" or "I can feel the dip of your scar". Often acknowledges indirect kisses. Matthias has once said that kissing isnt about romance, that it should be proper and only done as a follow up to a conventional Fjerdan courtship, and while lots about him has changed during his canonical relationship with Nina, I think he might still enjoy going through at least some of these with somebody who might appreciate his efforts. Matthias is still highly religious even if he is now seeing the world from another perspective and there are some cultural things that for him go deeper than just tradition. In a very specific headcanon of mine, he has grown up fantasizing about having to lift up your chin to do it, and so now he does so even with taller partners who can reach his mouth just fine.

He would 100% take the 'Will you love me if I was a worm' jokes way too seriously. "How am I supposed to handle a worm? I could hold a butterfly, maybe kiss you if you were a wolf (but thats after a very extensive inspection of your molars)". Kisses the back of your neck after putting on a necklace. Pretends that lipstick stains dont turn him on to the highest setting.

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→

[loonybun]

hi guys here’s the cannibalism drabble as promised. i want you all to keep in mind i started this around 1 AM and finished around 3 AM and that is abundantly clear because it may seem less coherent the further it goes. which might add to it idk. also this entire thing is unedited so i’m slapping it at you like a wet fish

this isn’t canon, its for a specific au of mine called stainedrose :)

CONTAINS: cannibalism (a LOT of cannibalism), consumption of raw meat, disease mention, consumption of the brain, splitting someone’s skull open, past beheading mention, extreme gore all around, vivid descriptions of gore and violence, also the head is what’s eaten, very vague references to past trauma, implied conditioning, experimentation, dehumanization, sort of cult-like setting but also not really, unaware whumpee, parental figure whumper (not that obvious in this specific drabble but yeah. whumpee is an adult though), scientist whumper, carewhumper, test subject whumpee, inhuman whumpee, starvation, loss of autonomy, captivity, sleep deprivation, medical inaccuracies (i did research but never enough)

yeah it’s a doozy. enjoy!

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt hungry. Being starved for years had that effect. After a while, the feeling just faded away. It was as if he realized that he didn’t need such things. He was better than that, he wasn’t like these people. That’s what his superior always said, anyways. The boy had yet to internalize it, but at least the smaller sensations had faded entirely. Pain, fatigue, hunger, they seemed more like suggestions than experiences. The more he told himself that, the less they seemed to affect him.

When his superior entered the room one morning, carrying the newly severed head of an ordinary-looking brunette man, he was initially confused. His superior tossed it over to him, and it landed on the concrete floor with a hollow thud. The viscous liquid still flowed from where it had been lopped off, leaking onto the textured gray floor. He couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the smell. It reminded him of worse times— It reminded him to be grateful. He was being treated exceptionally well, considering his previous situation. He could bear the smell, and he could bear the way the cloudy brown eyes settled loosely on him.

He looked back to his superior, who nodded towards the head with a subtle smile. Hesitantly, the boy approached it, observing the finer details he hadn’t noticed before. It had been a clean cut, as the queen’s often were, and he could only assume that the man had died directly on contact. It was a merciful death. Quick and nearly painless. His superior stood in the doorway, removing his bloodied gloves and inverting them, before sticking them into his coat pocket. This wasn’t an ordinary gift. He’d been given knickknacks every so often, little bottles of fluid or clothes or trinkets. This was a test. Another test.

“…What is this?” He spoke at last, hoping for some sort of direction. He felt relieved when he watched the man’s face soften ever-so-slightly. He’d been right to ask. He waited for his superior’s instructions, or at the very least an explanation.

“Supper. You haven’t been eating much, and while I’m pleased with your results so far, I’d like to see how well you readjust. It’s also a test of your immune system. It’s an incredible testament to our work so far, and I’d love to see it in action.” He explained casually, a neutral smile upon his face. “All you need to do is enjoy your meal. I won’t mind the mess.”

The boy pushed any questions to the back of his mind. He’d gotten an answer, and he should focus on the task at hand rather than ruminate on specifics. If he performed well, everything would make sense sooner or later. His superior was a logical and kind man, and there was no reason for him to act off of a whim instead of necessity. Perhaps this was some sort of poison resistance test? He vaguely recalled something from his past life— the one he’d left far, far behind— something about prions infecting the brain. But of course, he wouldn’t be affected. His brain would obviously cancel the production of unnecessary proteins to prevent them from forming in the first place. That’s how that worked. That’s how it always worked. He just had to keep that in mind.

Without further hesitation, he sunk his teeth into the cheek of the head, holding it as you would a lover. The skin was warmer than he expected. Still fresh. He relished the sound that came as he tore off the chunk of flesh, and the flavor that bloomed in his mouth as the blood seeped from the wound. No meal he’d ever had before could begin to compare to the taste. Something more primal than hunger overtook him— the need to indulge. Engorge. Consume. He plucked the softer pieces of skin from the face and neck, gently tracing his lips against the skin as he sucked the blood and gore from the open wounds. The way the muscles actively began to tense with the more time he spent with it made it seem almost alive. Two interconnected beings becoming one. This soul had died alone and without struggle. The fight was over and lost. Neither of them had to be alone now. Whoever the person had been before death hardly mattered to him. That’s the beautiful thing about death. There’s no judgment in death.

Rigor mortis made the muscle and fat easier to bite into, though harder to chew. The texture was different now, more waxy. He’d worked away at most of the meat now, save for the scalp and area around the orifices of the face and the eyes. The exposed bone and viscera on the rest of the face was a sight to behold, saved from the possibility of rot. This body, or at least the head, would never know imperfection. It would be made useful, as all things should be.

He bit through the lower lip, easily pulling it away from the bone with his fingers and placing it into his mouth. Next came the upper— and then the nose, which was admittedly a lot more awkward to remove with how stiffly it clung to the bone beneath it. By the time he’d gotten to the eyes, he had already planned how to go about excavating them. The boy peeled the eyelids and swallowed them down, before placing his fingers between the space where the eye nestled into the skull. He didn’t need to apply much pressure before they came free with a squelching pop. He ate them one at a time, pressing them between his teeth until they burst. They tasted meaty, but not in the same way that the rest of the body had. The taste was a bit odd, even for him, though he downed them without complaint.

The gorey sockets stared back at him, the face now devoid of anything that resembled life. Hair still clung to the top like a matted mop, now tangled in blood and messy scraps where he had been less neat. The tendons that kept the bones together remained untouched. He’d been gentle with the process. As gentle as he could have been. He could have easily ripped the jaw from its hinge in order to get to the last bits of gore he’d missed, but he wasn’t a barbarian. He didn’t feel like his superior would approve of him disassembling the entire thing. It would make it so much harder to clean.

He turned back to his superior, who was observing his bloodied face with his typical soft smile. He wasn’t allowed to stop yet. The man motioned for him to continue, and the only thing he could do was comply.

The boy tore off the epidermis and hair, dropping it to the floor. The cranium was wet with blood and fluid, and he silently questioned how he could even go about breaking the thing. After a bit of contemplation, he bashed it against the concrete floor, watching the bone splinter and crack. The noise rippled throughout the room, and while he didn’t see it, he could feel his instructor flinch for the first time. He threw it down again, this time with more force. The back of the skull split, and he was able to pry his fingernails through a fracture. He chipped away at the skull until half of the brain was exposed. The squishy wet folds gave way as his hand slipped through them, before gripping onto a slippery blob. It came apart in his fingers, so he grabbed at more until he had a sensible handful. The brain was so soft he hardly even needed to chew. It was almost buttery in texture, and tasted nothing like the rest of the body. It didn’t have as strong of a taste as the rest of the body, being almost pure fat, but he persisted regardless. It’s what his superior wanted from him, and he’d be a fool to decline generosity when it was handed to him so kindly. The blood that mingled on his fingers at least added a bit more of a flavor, though it was diluted from whatever fluids the brain was already saturated in. He eventually decided to try a different approach, moving his hands to cup the skull like a bowl. The partially eaten brain sloshed around in its confinement. He put his mouth to the jagged edge and attempted to eat it like a soup. The mounds of pink brain matter that still remained were quickly devoured, leaving nothing but a hollow shell stripped of everything it could possibly be stripped of.

He stared over at his superior with a sheepish smile. The man nodded and stared at the fragments of skull and viscera on the floor. “Well, that was a spectacle. You did well. We’ll continue as usual, though you may have the rest of the day to yourself assuming you’ve finished your affirmations. Don’t worry about cleaning up, I’ll send someone in.” He walked over to the disfigured skull and plucked it from the boy’s hands, before patting him on the back. “You’ve done so well today. I hope you keep up the good work.”

[unhingedkinfessions]

(guy whos not sure if he is bonnie fnaf kin or some noncanon kin or god forbid has smth to do w the aftons kinwise) i love fnaf's kin populace i think they all are either havign such a good time or are literally killing eachother with no inbetween. im intimidated from poking my kintype questioning self into servers bc of this but *waves* hi. i think bonnie shouldve been purple canonically not for fucking purple guy reasons shut up shut up shut UPPPP but because it's a good color. okay bye :v:

staring @ u from the inbox like this:

anyways . handshake emoji. i know im bonnie and i like. have some of mr. childkiller's memories cuz of like. springtrap. and all that. but every day i am terrified of kinning Any of the human ass characters, esp the aftons cuz oh my God.

also i dont mind blue bonnie but fnaf 1 bonnie is 100% purple. that thing is not blue. "its the lighting" no its NOT. the model itself is blueish (exactly like the movie, actually) but the texture on top of the model IS purple.

like yes im sure hes intended to be discord blurpleish color (esp since movie bonnie, the sort of Definitive edition of the classics, is the same color) but when the texture is slapped on he's literally purple. artwork and merch based off classic bonnie is purple. its not cuz its dark he justlooks like that!!!!

[happyinjection]

♠️♥️High Card Short Story 7 ~Aftermath of The Jack of Hearts Retrieval Mission~ “Post-Mission Banoffee Pie” (1/3)♦️♣️

Chris was having a banoffee pie for lunch and Wendy got curious. As she expected, it tastes...?

Original: https://twitter.com/highcard_pj/status/1560567265254572032

Author: https://twitter.com/poipheno

Artist: https://twitter.com/ebimoji3

In the aftermath of The Jack of Hearts retrieval mission, we successfully made it back to Shield City. It was a rather safe and uneventful ending, but it could hardly be called a pleasant memory, so I don’t want to dwell on it too much.

After a few days had passed, I returned to my normal routine and went to work. At lunch break, I put my laptop on sleep mode, got up from my seat, then sat down on the sofa which was located on the opposite side of the low table. 

“Hold on. You’ve been here since before the lunch break, haven’t you.”

Sitting across me was Chris.

“Hear me out, Wendy. Today it’s only you and I holding the fort, right? Isn’t that wonderful. Our resident demon of the store is not around, so—”

He pulled a paper box out of an eco bag.

“Behold, a banoffee pie.”

Comparable to a kid unwrapping his birthday present, he opened the box in an exaggerated manner. As a sweet scent surrounded me, I felt as though my whole body was wrapped in strings made out of sugar. 

“Wow.......”

The moment I witnessed it in all its glory I could not help but admire.

It was an open-face pie. The entire surface of the pie was covered in fresh cream all the way to its edges.

“The cream has a black tinge, right? That’s because it contains coffee.”

“Eh~ If that’s true, won’t it taste a little bitter?”

“Wendy-chan. Don’t judge a pie by its appearance. A pie is an ensemble, so to speak..... a harmony weaved layer by layer.”

Out of nowhere, Chris already had a plate and a cake knife ready, then proceeded to cut a slice out of the pie.

“Woah, pretty!”

The layers of the pie looked just perfect.

“The top layer is coffee-flavored cream, while the bottom layer is solid, pure whipped cream.....”

“So there are two layers!”

“That’s right! Double cream!”

“Double cream!”

In excitement, I unconsciously repeated what he said. Underneath the cream, bananas cut in the shape of crescents were lined up.

“Beneath these bananas, was what made from a traditional recipe of boiling a  can of condensed milk, the toffee. At the bottom, there’s a layer of crunchy short crust pastry, When all of them comes together, the flavor and texture of such a golden ratio spreads in your mouth!”

“Amazing!”

“This is banoffee pie at its finest!”

Chris cut the pie using a fork and brought it up to his mouth. Watching him doing so, my heart felt as though it was about to leap out of my chest.

The pie was swallowed into Chris’ mouth. Munching and chewing, his lips were moving while being pressed into a thin line.

“.....H-how’s it?”

For some reason, I grew nervous and swallowed hard.

“Oooh......Oof......”

Placing the back of his hand on his forehead, Chris sank back into the sofa as he let out a sigh that sounded as if it was dripping with melted sugar. 

“What an indulgence..... Aah, for every bite I take, it’s like climbing up a staircase leading to Heaven....... My beloved Papi, it’s good to see you. Have you been well?”

“Don’t make fun of such things.”

Chris made a startled face, then slapped himself on the cheeks.

“Even so, Chris...... you must be a tough one to be able to eat bananas after returning from that mission.”

“You are one to talk.”

“I-I don’t have a problem with bananas.”

“Jokes aside, it really seems like I’ve been haunted, for all day long I can’t take my mind off bananas.”

With a slightly melancholic, somewhat distraught expression, he poked on the banoffee pie. It’s true that during the mission, there had been a quarrel over bananas. Apparently it was quite a big deal for him.

“You can never forget her, is that so……..”

“Yeah……. the summer wind, it blew through my body as though I’m a phantom…… say, Wendy, I am a pretty traumatized man, aren’t I?”

"That’s a stretch. Well then, let me have a bite too—”

I took a plastic fork that came along with the pie.

“Huh, what are you doing.”

“I mean...... I get my own share, right?”

“Who ever said I’d share it with you.”

After a long moment of silence, I put my fork down.

“......Eh. I knew you’d say that. Hmph.”

“Wha, what are you sulking for. This is my lunch, you know?”

“Suit yourself. In that case, things like issuing sales slips in Chris’ place, I aaaaaaaa—”

“...”

“—aaaaaa—”

“....that’s long. You’ve got some stamina, huh.”

“—aaaaabsolutely won’t do it ever again!”

By the time I finished speaking, Chris had already left his seat, and walked around to finally plop down next to me.

“Hehehe. Please don’t say that, my dear senior Wendy.”

“We’re on the same wavelength, aren’t we.”

Out of nowhere, he pulled out a plate, laid out a fork, and brought in the pie. His movements were quick and agile.

“Even though you just asked for a slice, please enjoy two.”

“Open-face pies are tiny. I want to eat three.”

“T-three....! That’s, impossible!”

In a strangely limp and disgustingly dramatic manner he pretended to collapse.

“Do you have a problem with that? Who knows if Leo would get you fired[*] once he hears of the many mistakes you’ve made in the past. Compared to that, I think it’s a small price to pay.”

“Ugh..... fire is harder to put out on a full stomach.”[*]

“I’d also like some tea. Green tea would be sufficient.”

“A-as you wish, ma’am.”

I watched as Chris went and disappeared to the pantry at the back of the store, then took a large bite out of the banoffee pie.

With pursed lips, I muffled my satisfied squeal.

♠️♥️♦️♣️

TL notes: I’m in no way a professional translator so if you find any mistakes, please do not hesitate to inform me right away. Short Story 7 is meant to be a side story to Drama CD vol 2 (TLDR High Card went on a mission together to retrieve a card and shenanigans happened). You may want to check that out first to understand the context of the jokes. [*] A pun here, more or less Wendy says Chris will get fired (lit. “get his neck chopped off”), Chris replies that it’s true he can’t “replace his chopped off neck with his stomach”.

[nyaawn]

Graphics Update & Derplander's face: A Research

or My Shallow Attempt to Make Sense Why That DT Derplander's Face Look So Oddly Different. For Science.

(Ok I know the benchmark has been out for more than a week and a lot has been said about it, but I was busy and only had time to mess around with it recently. Tho actually no I didn't have time and I really should sleep rather than spend my remaining braincells mulling over freaking fictional character's face. But pesky part of my brain would keep bothering me about it otherwise. So let me try putting my finger on it)

On last Live Letter broadcast they open with benchmark trailer. I thought, "Oh nice. Since I also play a Derplander I can just watch their trailer to see the graphic update on his fac---"

.

.

.

"... ...... .....Who is that?"

This Derplander was so confused and as Derplander main I was left deeply concerned.

What the heck happened?? Is it the update? Is it the new hair? Hair change can change his face so much? Why he look so off? Whhhyyyyyyyy-------

Benchmark downloaded, I embarked to find the truth *insert dramatic bgm here*

First thing in my mind, well we see that in livestream, of course streaming quality would made it look bad. Hence I start with running the benchmark right away with default character setting. The result, now I have better image quality, I can clearly see his skin texture etc and he does looks better, but still so different than what I used to. Oh dear am I doomed with this graphic update.... Well let's see how he fare in character creator next. I put in the usual Derplander/Ardbert face setting: Hyur, Midlander, medium build, Face type #5 or #7.... Hmm wait they touch up Face#7?

Yep, Face#7 isn't simply 'Face#5-with-stubble-slapped-on' anymore. There's plenty of contouring going on now. It's like make up, tho irl people use it to look flawless, here they use it to make him more flawed lol. Frown lines, dark and bright smudges to increase the rugged appearance. That highlight on his forehead almost distractingly so. It sure make his brow bones look like they jut out a lot more. Maybe that's why his forehead look so bright and prominent in that trailer? But all in all they do give the face more dimension and suitably older without changing the face model itself, which is smart. Other than contouring, they only change the eye shape a bit with sharper corner. Oh and thicker eyebrows, for some reason...

Alright, that cover the face type. Moving on with the rest of his face: Eye#1, Nose#1, Lip#1. No big change with them, at least none that I can see. Next, color: eyes blue, no lip coloring. Done!

The result... is still the Derplander that I know and familiar with. Older and more rugged, yes. But that's him alright.

WAIIIIT,,,, everyone else complain that their character look off in Character Creator but look alright in benchmark cutscene, why I'm the opposite?? I think he look okay in CC but look different in cutscene. Wth happened here?

Still scratching my head, I throw him into benchmark and...

Oh. Oooh, I see now.. Apparently, they didn't use that setting anymore...

I made wrong assumption that they use Derplander usual character setting as default WoL like in previous benchmarks. Then further assumed the change I saw was chiefly because of graphic update. But as you can see, for default they use different nose and jaw. Add those to the change with face type I mentioned above. It's not that the DT trailer Derplander's face feel different. It is different face.

*headdesk* OKAY PROBLEM SOLVED I GUESS (ﾉಥ▿ಥ）ﾉ彡┻━┻

.........

Naaah, I already staring at his face for so long only to reach such anticlimactic conclusion. Let's stare some more! *sunkcostfallacy*

Well, ignoring the new hairstyle and its floating sideburns (kek), now they use jaw#4 and nose#5, I think? And tho it can't be seen clearly in that gif quality, they also change his eye color. Before I thought it's just because of lighting, but they really change them to green hue rather than his previous blue (you got Mako-juiced bro?). I think I understand why they made those change tho. When paired with his old face, that new hairstyle can make his lower face look strangely short/squished (which was my concern when they unveil that hair in cg trailer. Even in real life that kind of hairstyle could mess with head balance). Hence the change to wider, longer jaw. And to balance that jaw, bigger nose. Dunno what with his eye tho.

It's not very noticeable but there's one more change they made, however it's one I completely onboard with: His skin color. After giving his CG counterpart a tan (hooray!), finally they also give his in-game model a (veeeeerrry sliiight) tan (still HOORAAY!). I've been saying for years that he look too pale. WoL supposedly running around under the sun all the time, why in tarnation he was still as pale as milk. This time, though I only eyeballed it, from various comparison pic I think I can say with some confidence they had moved quite a few step down that skintone table:

I would prefer they also take a step to the right (which is the skintone that I give to my own WoL, and even with that I still often think mine's too pale. But to change it I need to pay for another fanta, so I left him be), but hey baby step. At least he's more strawberry milk now rather than just milk.

Anyway, others might not think he look that different from before. But maybe since I played with him for thousand and thousand of hours, even a slight difference can cause uncomfortable sense of wrongness. This is also the case for numerous players who complained that their WoLs looks off, I guess. Though their case certainly isn't a dumb character setting mistake like mine, that graphic update sure can change character's vibe. Fortunately after scrutinizing it for some time, I think I can live with it? At least for most part..

The update change lighting and texture across the board, and maybe some modeling too? For characters, one of most visible overhaul is their skin. In that skin, well, look even more like skin, for better or worse. In face type#5 /#7 that Derplander use, his laugh lines and sunken cheek are fairly discernible now.

Same chara setting, very similar angle and lighting, across different builds. With the new lighting shadow falls more naturally, in effect giving a rounder, less dramatic impression. But more than that, those visible facial lines along with further detailed eye wrinkles make him seem a looot older. While the guy in the left might go "I'm going on an adventure!", the man in right look tired of all worldly affairs..

That said, I don't mind it that much. I want my WoL to look older with time, so I'm okay with this. Players who also use this face type but don't want their WoL to suddenly turn into middle aged man might feel different, however. Not to mention the more realistic facial lines could push it towards uncanny valley. Will need some time to get used to it, that's for sure.

But one graphic update quirk that I'm less enthusiastic with is: eyeline. I wonder, it seems there's something going on with how this new lighting interact with eye area, in that when eye rim fall under shadow of something the eyeliner immediately goes wild:

See his left eye? Nothing else change here, just his hair. But when his eye fall under shadow of sidebangs, bam. Thick eyeliner make its glorious appearance and suddenly he look super evil (Tho to be fair this shot is hardly flattering and most WoLs I saw look highly menacing there. It's just those dark rims brought him an extra malm). Maybe this is why many Viera players complained about weird eyelines? Thankfully in other lighting/ non-closeup those eyeliners seems to go away. In other scenes all version of him looks okay enough.

.............

So TL:DR I made mistake assuming the odd difference I saw was because graphic update, while in reality it's because they use different face setting altogether. I think I'm going to be fine just using Derplander's old setting going forward as thankfully the update didn't change him too badly. Imo for most part I think the new graphic looks superb even.

But yeah that eyeliner man. I hope they can tell it to chill down a bit. I'm looking forward to the further adjustment they said they'll do. Hopefully Derplander can retain his fairly nice guy, slightly derpy look that we know and love, and less looking like a guy who's ready to start his villain origin story.

........or maybe he already started? 🤔

oh well thanks for glancing at my TED talk. Ima going to sleep now...

[austajunk]

40, 27, 35

Could you do Yuma for whatever reason deciding to become a prostitute and getting the worst luck of having Yomi as a client?

Let's go with Yuma going undercover as a prostitute with the help of Desuhiko's Forte. ;)

Fic under the cut!

Triggers: Prostitution/Exploitation, Cock Slapping, Anal Fingering, Forced Blowjobs, Yomi Being Yomi, probably a bad end scenario for Yuma (let's be honest)

"Oh, we are screwed. We are so, so very screwed!" Shinigami wailed into Yuma's ear.

And she was right. Under the bright lamp in a hotel room from Kamasaki District, Yuma sat on a bed after being purchased by none other than Yomi Hellsmile on the streets.

"Don't be so shy," Yomi said, his lips curling into an insatiable, hungry smile. He sat uncomfortably close to the detective on the bed, looping a strand of Yuma's long, but fake lilac hair around his forefinger.

"I… I'm not…" Yuma said, trying to disguise his voice as much as possible.

It was hard to keep himself from sweating complete bullets. When he went undercover as a prostitute at the suggestion of Desuhiko to help investigate some local disappearances, he never thought anything like this would happen. It wasn't certain how long he could keep this disguise up or if the other detectives even knew he was missing. What would they do when he didn't meet up at the rendezvous point that evening?

Why did Yomi Hellsmile of all people have to catch him out on the streets of Marunoman District?! What was he even doing there? Still, the redheaded Director of the Amaterasu Peacekeepers beckoned him over before Yuma could hide himself away on the street corner.

"Hm…" Yomi gave a satisfied hum, letting his fingers drift down Yuma's hair to the low-cut, black dress he wore. He rested his finger on Yuma's collarbone before using his other hand to direct Yuma's cheek to look at him. Yuma felt his heartbeat quicken. His panic was deafening in his mind, but he held it in. He wouldn't breathe. He wouldn't snap. Or he would be found out and he would be killed–

"Worried about me finding that cock of yours? Don't be." Yomi flashed him an insidious grin, his grip at Yuma's throat firming up. "It's what I wanted tonight."

"What-?" Yuma nearly squealed out. Had he been caught? Did Yomi know exactly who he was? "I don't know what you-!"

"Oh, come now… don't play so fucking innocent…" The director planted his grip into the roots of Yuma's hair and tugged him to his crotch. "Dressed like that, you're nothing but a slut aching for cock like mine out on the streets, right?!" His voice intensified, delight coating its tone. He grounded Yuma's nose brutally to the zipper of his trousers, making the smaller man audibly whimper.

"N-No-! Please… wait…" The textured metal of Yomi's zipper burned into Yuma's skin. He tried to pull away from Yomi's grasp, but the redhead kept a firm hold on him. His other hand swept down Yuma's back and yanked his tight dress up over his slender waist. That treated him to a sight of the disguised detective's backside coated by a black thong wedged between his soft cheeks.

"Hahaha… what's this?!" Yomi's hands came down upon Yuma's ass with a sharp slap, forcing the boy to throw his head back and squeal. He turned Yuma over to reveal that the detective's cock was pressed to the crotch of the thing with the string material cradling his balls below.

Shinigami gulped above him. "M-Master! I think you're screwed if he goes any further! He's gonna find you out!"

Yuma panted, his ass still stinging. What was he supposed to do? Every second, Yomi was close to seeing through his disguise as a prostitute and then, as Shinigami said, he would probably be executed on the spot. His eyes burned. He didn't want to do this… not with Yomi Hellsmile of all people. The feeling made him sick to his stomach, but he choked it down.

"Master–!" Shinigami warned again.

Yuma made his decision. He raised his ass before that grinning, sadistic face and stuck his tongue out to show that primal hunger. His stomach was in knots but it felt easier to act in this setting underneath the worst person in Kanai Ward. "Cock…I want cock…" He mewled, kneeling back between Yomi's legs. He planted a reluctant kiss to the man's crotch and nuzzled it like a deranged kitten.

"Woah…" Shinigami cupped her mouth, undoubtedly flushing. Clearly, she didn't think her Master was capable of being so lewd.

Hungrily, Yuma kissed Yomi's crotch until the man sank into the bed, unzipping himself. "Hehe… that's actually somewhat cute. We just have to train the little masochistic slut out of you, don't we, whore?" Yomi uttered with a little gleam in his eye. Once his zipper was down, he worked his shaft free for Yuma to lick and suck. "Come on. Work!" He grasped his cock and slapped its surface to Yuma's face, letting him inhale that sweaty musk.

As Yuma tried to quiet his nerves and obey, Yomi reached around to pet his small ass. A wet finger slipped in between Yuma's cheeks and Yuma choked back a yelp. "Ah-! Please… I'm not… I can't…"

"What's that? Not anally trained?" Yomi taunted.

The worming of his digits found themselves to Yuma's asshole, forcing Yuma to grit his teeth. Yomi merely scoffed and jerked his hips so that his cock slapped against Yuma's lips again.

"Don't forget to suck me off, whore!" He hissed at him. Yuma winced, but nodded, finding Yomi's cock with his lips. It was now or never. And he didn't want to die or be found out!

Swallowing his fear and nausea, he caressed the director's cock with his warm tongue. He flicked his eyes up to see Yomi watching him intently… which terrified him, so he licked down his shaft and tried to avoid his gaze. Yomi was certainly getting more bold. He began to thrust inside her mouth, throat-fucking him until the poor detective had no choice but to gag and sputter. Still, Yomi's thong was filled with Yomi's fingers starting to invade his tight ass.

Eventually he pulled away and slapped his cock across Yuma's face again. Yuma coughed, catching some of his precum on his lips. Bittersweet but warm and sticky. Yuma tried to catch his breath as quick as he could, some of his essence dripping down his chin.

"Geez, Master… don't like… get too into it or anything…" Shinigami whispered to him. Yuma wanted to tell her off but he could concentrate outside of the fingers working through the ring of his ass. He bucked and cried, gripping the bed sheets with his hands before Yomi quieted him with his cock again. .

The obscene sounds of Yuma sucking the Director's cock mixed with Yomi's pleasured groans. He locked the boy's head between his knees and fucked his tight throat until he could no longer hold himself back, expelling his lust all over his prostitute's chin and nose.

"Now that's a good look for you, you masochistic pig…"

Yuma coughed. The hot cum stung into the bottom of his eyes and oozed between his lips. Yomi caught his cheeks and commanded him,

"Swallow, whore. Get a taste for your new Master at Amaterasu Corp!"

"My new…uck…Master…?!" Painfully, Yuma licked and swallowed the salty cum, letting us seep down his throat. "Ungh…"

Yomi narrowed his dark eyes at Yuma, a hideous glow swallowing the boy whole.

"Of course… if a detective is selling himself on the streets… I, the honorable Yomi Hellsmile, have every right to purchase them like cattle!"

[mafufuu]

hihi arte! 3, 17, 19, & 24 for the artist ask game?

hihihi ruya webe been on a call which is silly but i hope youre doing well rn !!

3. your favorite piece(s)?

as of now, my most favorite piece, off the top my head, is the greyscale thing i drew of lucia from tmk. i was messing around with brushes i had saved but never really used and the textures came out nice. i like the work i did on that canvas in general, i felt i got a good hold on her character. i tend to be happy with full body colored stuff i do of characters as of recent. most things i crank up the warmness on for a character and then slap a square bg on i tend to be more than satisfied with. same goes with playing around with brushes. fuuta trash and trash was a fun dabble in trying to recreate another style, and la maine de gloire i like for similar reasons. i hold a fondness for my deep cover william wisp redraw and we outta lightbulbs though that may just stem from a lot of attention on a pice that took a lot of effort

17. what is something youre confident about in your art?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh i suppose my color choices and stylization. i like toning up the warmness + saturation and lowering the brightness of my art for a cozier feel and i like how it turns out. whenever i do contrast checks (literally just turning a piece to black and white to see if my values are good) the results are pretty good. i think most of the reason why im confident in my stylization is i just kinda like how it looks. some amount of the time i just do doodles that are just linework so i feel like ive gotten comfortable in how i translate things and i also tend to work from references. also ive been told my art style is quite unique and i feel that is the root of it

19. where do you find inspiration?

inspiration! this one is fun! at least for some amount of how i do(/did) eyes and how i color i draw from lavendertowne! her art is very cozy and nice looking, its cartoony but you can see anime influences in it. i think that's probably my main one. i also look up to drawing wiff waffles, she was the first artist i ever really became a fan of! whenever i do pick up alcohol markers (not much nowadays) i make sure to use a colored pencil for sketching. she's prolly also the reason i make sure to carry a kneaded eraser for traditional art. i like watching scott christian sava's videos. being an older artist with more life experience makes him sorta feel like the most mentor-y to me. also he's very nice and some amount active here. yunayuispink is who i mainly use for tutorials. their art style is simple but that is not to say its bad! the colors are nice and the linework is nice. i also like marikyuun's art. her use of linewidth and colored lines makes her work very merchandise-esque as she says. i own a couple studio ghibli art books that i should probably be busting out more for references. their films are very pretty. i also like to take bits and bobs from my moots' art styles that i think are cool. for instance, i think the main reason i tend to gravitate toward thin messy lineart is @/not scorb on here. though i think mine tends to lean messier (or maybe moreso them doing it gave me the confidence to post art like that.) i also take influences from other anime/manga, vaguely, often to the point where i just kinda forget the names. there's probably more but this list is very long already so ill stop

24. whats a compliment about your art that has always stuck with you?

hm. im not really sure. it might be from my bad memory in all honesty but i feel like most of the compliments ive gotten recently just tend to be a "great work!" which i dont mind or take for granted but its not really that descriptive, yknow? actually i remembered one. one time i drew different characters from a thing in chairs i thought suited them (lore rise) sitting based upon their character and i remember someone told me i was talented from the way i portrayed my personalities from how they sit. it really stuck for some reason, i dont know why actually. also being told my art is unique when i was asking my sib to describe my art style bcuz i didnt really know how. it just felt nice to know it was really something that felt like mine !

thank you for the ask !! have a nice rest of your whatever

[corvidaearts]

Hello! I also got your ask in my inbox but I figured it'll be easier for all of us if I answer it here!

TLDR: i made moth wings that look like bird wings inspired loosely off my personal grian design, which combines bird and bug wing features

I got really carried away with my explanation but also this is not the extended edition. it could've been so much longer, I'm already sorry as it is LKASJDLLKSDJA but also im not the poet tem is <3

To start with, I took a lot of inspiration from a lot of different things. I've ranted about it in the Brainrot server before but essentially, one of the main things I wanted to factor in was that Watchers were more bug-like so it didn't feel right to just slap on regular bird wings to a worm so this was my attempt at combining the two designs in whatever way I can!

For moths, I specifically cited Atlas and Luna Moths for big design inspirations. The former gave me the idea for the tips of the wings to resemble primaries whereas the latter directly took in the tails of the wings, both for their aesthetic and practical reasons (from what I understand, it muffles the sound of its wingbeats, or like disorients them to an extent which I thought would be cool to factor in evolutionarily considering Seekers, but also I'm not an expert on this stuff) also, special shoutout to polyphemus and io moths and some others im sure im forgetting

Something I kept in mind was that I also wanted to make it Different from my personal grian design, (which I have my own specific commentary on) but the short of it is the my grian design has glassy/butterfly elements whereas hunger!watchers have a more moth aspect to them and its more that its basically moth wings that imitate birds instead of molding the two wing types together.

I also like to imagine the texture is like, felt. kind of like the fur on a fursuit with the fabric quality of tarp or some other thick fabric. of course, with the eye motifs added in as best as I could while still making it look somewhat(??) evolutionarily possible, idk but I tried

I wrote this all in one sitting so I might've forgotten something but this is the gist of it!!

What are the watcher wings based off? They're really cool!!

This might be a question better suited for @corvidaearts to answer as they're the one who designed them!!! :D iirc, its somewhat of a mix between bird wings and moth wings, but they'll have more detailed notes on the design features than me. Im so glad you like them though, i think theyre amazing and i love the work Crow does :]

[smutsterprocrastiwriter]

nutember pieces

day 2. glove kink.

punz and reader.

Punz is your big bad bully neighbour.

Or at least that's what you liked to call him in your mind.

You would sneakily peek out of your door every time you hear his front door open—because of course, he's next door to you. You would gaze at him walking out the doorway with a plain gray jacket with some nice white shoes while the rest of his clothing is all black—the cap, the gloves, and the pants, as he pulls up the garage and gets his motorcycle out. It may not be Harley-Davidson type of beauty, but nonetheless, it looked real nice.

There's nothing much with that outfit, but for some reason, it strikes you hard because he looks like a condescending man, and his walk, based on your lustful perception, is giving a sense of superiority, like he knows what he's doing. He looked like a typical high school bully, and he's hot in that way.

You were obsessed with him for a little while now, but you don't want to show it—especially not after your fresh two-week-old friendship with him since you first moved into your new house. You don't want to come across as being the whore who would always sexually take advantage of men you find attractive...but at the same time—if, he would be comfortable with whatever you're into—he can treat and make you feel like one.

Just those gloves alone that he wears everyday, you would thought of the things you want him to do to you—it's pretty sinful, but can anyone blame you? You were just hit with horny hormones, and it's not bad to feel horny after all—just don't make it obvious.

But then again, you sort of want him. So bad. And you wanna try asking him out regarding this thing you wanted to do with him. Who knows if he's into the stuff you're into? If he wants to do it with you, then all is great! If he doesn't, then it's fine, no need to force him.

This is what made you gather all the courage to call him, asking him to meet you at your house at a Tuesday night. He agreed, and he came over to your house, wearing the same outfit minus the gloves. You then have fun with him, chuckling and conversing over quality pizzas and cheap cans of beer while listening to Arctic Monkeys' album AM on your TV.

Out of nowhere, your mind is hit by the thought of asking about it—a strand of nervousness tickling you within. And so, you take a deep breath and exhale all that air before looking at him again.

His eyes lock on you as you try to explain the actual reason for him to be here tonight. You look back at him, afraid and anticipating about whatever he is gonna say.

Would he berate you for it?

Shame you for it?

Hurt you for it?

The only answer he gives you is a simple smile.

The next thing you know, your clothes—along with your inhibitions—are thrown into the floor while Punz's stay intact. You're sitting on his lap, feeling the sweat off your body as you savor the heat of the make-out session on your bed.

The lustful haze creeps up on your eyes as he kisses you hard like he's hungry for it, but it's topped by the heat of your body from the leather of his glove wrapping around your delicate neck, the other grazing onto your back. It eventually lets go of its grasp the same as he departs his lips off of yours, just to snake his thumb onto your lips.

You softly moan at the smooth texture, licking it like a popsicle before eyeing up at the smirk plastered on his face. None of you thought things would all come down to this.

"You're such a whore for my gloves, huh?" he mutters, pulling his thumb off before slapping you. "You're so fucking desperate and it shows."

"I wasn't that desperate, to be honest." You bite your lip, throbbing in between your legs from the warmth of your cheek, "I had to hold back, since I didn't wanna lose our friendship."

"All because you think I wasn't into this? Shame on you, really."

Punz shakes his head and grasps both of your breasts, making you hitch your breath and clutch the sheets—the warmth of his gloved hands that massages you across is driving you mad. You tenderly jerk your head back and forth until you feel his one hand releasing your boob to grip a fistful of your hair, forcing you to look back at him who bites his lip at the mess he made onto you.

"Look at you...you're such a beautiful whore. You even gaze at me like one..." he says under his breath. "Do you agree with me, hmm?"

"Y-Yes..." you slowly nod, your breaths weighing in at every squeeze of your other boob—you pause once his hand releases it.

Another slap on the face sobers you up before his fingers grip your jaw. Punz pulls you close in slow motion until your faces are centimeters away—his warm breath tingles your lips. "Fucking say my name when you answer." He commands, loud and firm.

"Yes, Punz."

"Good." He whispers before giving you a peck on the lips. "You want me to be your big bad bully? Fine, then—I'm definitely gonna give it to you." He lets go of your jaw, huffing as he moves over to the side of your face. "Just don't ever complain in case I make you cry."

"Oh?" You raise your eyebrow, unable to resist smirking. "Is that a challenge?"

"If you want to." He mumbles onto your ear, trailing a hand across your back. The friction of leather against your skin makes you shiver until he reaches your bum. "I'm not forcing you, otherwise."

You hum as you place your hands on his shoulder, almost gripping it when his finger gets dangerously close to your entrance. You then lift your arms to wrap around his shoulders, and place a tender kiss on the crook of his neck. "Then, I'm all up for it—give me what you got."

And—as an unexpected move—you nibble on Punz's ear, causing him to utter a low growl.

"Be the bully who can put this woman in her place."

[ironicallydecaf]

Down in our forest - a ‘forest fic’ continuation

TW - Implied suicide, suicide

I didn’t write the forest fic!! I just really like it, and was inspired to write a little continuation <3

-

A cycle. Everything has been an agonizing, never ending cycle since Tyler died.

A reason. Josh lacked reasoning to keep going. He told himself it was to see another day, but what was the point when they all were the same?

An off key piano, a too-tight shirt, a mess of pumpkin orange rage, followed by storm gray doubt.

Josh couldn’t tell anyone about Tyler’s passing, because he was always met with the same thing.

“Tyler isn’t real”

But he was, he was so real. Josh knew, because he went their every day, to the place that once was their treehouse. Theirs.

Sometimes he just sat, staring into the wreck, pretending he could still hear that rare light-turquoise laughter. Other days he would scream. A red, red scream that cut through the forest’s navy blues, dark greens and browns, as his hands and knees became covered with the ashes of mistakes, both of theirs.

Josh hated his house, it never felt like a home, black-blue, two emotions he now associated with his long talks with Tyler.

His therapist issued him a service dog, for his ‘episodes’ as he called them. Episodes, the word smelled like the wrong shade of lilac, littered with green-orange unease.

But his dog was golden, after all it was in the species name. But in terms of real name, josh went with the name Jim, a concrete gray consistent sounding name, with the texture of nearly dry mud.

But predictably, nothing helped. Every day josh spiraled further into insanity, a migraine that ranged from every direction until his vision was nothing but static white.

Other days he could swallow the thick syrupy suffocating feel, but not today. A Sunday, a day that never lived up to its name, because a Sunday meant another week of nothing new. No sun, only too-light yellow, and dark gray storms.

A Sunday was when josh couldn’t take the hurt anymore.

No one knew the details, because no one knew josh, really knew him.

Dark blue-black tears, lime green and gray sounds of sneakers slapping against pavement with every step of a run, a hot pink leap in front of a white white car.. a road littered in lifeless red.

Josh didn’t know if he believed in an afterlife, but the static white finally went, and was replaced with a blue black, a different one, an empty one.

The emptiness didn’t last forever like in the books josh read in his mind.

When an orange gold warmth shone on his face, the boy with c-major lips and tiger growl teeth was greeted by chocolate eyes, and a crooked sheet music smile.. the two who went through life never being known, both went for a quiet sage green walk until they reached a treehouse, their treehouse, down in a forest, their forest.

[delimeful]

mere monstrosity (1)

warnings: spiders, misunderstandings, captivity

-

Logan woke up to the familiar soft chime of his alarm, and rolled out of bed bleary-eyed but ready to get the day started. He kept quiet as he crept out of the room.

He didn’t bother grabbing his glasses, knowing that they’d only be of use after his shower. His feet knew the way from his bedroom to the bathroom by heart, and he preferred to shower in the dark to avoid the likelihood of getting one of his light-sensitivity migraines, so he didn’t reach for the lightswitch either.

Instead, he pushed quietly past the half-open door and fumbled for the shower knob, cranking it up to exactly the point before it turned scalding.

The water flickered on a moment later, and amidst the clamor of droplets against ceramic, he heard an indistinct, high-pitched noise, like a chirp or squeak.

“A mouse?” he muttered to himself, squinting at the dark, blurry interior of the shower.

He couldn’t hear anything else over the spray, so he quickly turned the shower off and stepped back to flick the lightswitch on, potential headaches be damned.

He pulled the shower curtain fully to the side, and blinked at the sight of a blurry black splotch in the corner of his bathtub. Leaning in a little further, he could briefly make out individual legs, long and numerous, before they were pulled closer and blended in with the rest of the shape.

“You are… a considerably large spider,” he informed it, grateful that it was him and not Patton who had found it. The resulting terrified shriek would have woken him and Janus, and probably most of the neighbors for that matter. “Are you a tarantula? Are tarantulas even native to this area?”

The spider, rather predictably, didn’t respond, and Logan recalled that he’d just doused the poor thing with jets of cold water. It was probably curling all its limbs in a mock death-curl, trying to process the unexpected threat to its breathing and body temperature.

He reached over to the counter and carefully removed the collection of multicolored toothbrushes from the plastic cup next to their sink, tapping it against the side of the counter to clear out any remaining dust.

“Try to stay still, alright?” he coaxed in a low voice, crouching and leaning over the tub to get a better angle. “I don’t want to catch any of your limbs, just keep them all tucked in close like that and I’ll get you out of there.”

To his surprise, the spider really didn’t make any sudden moves, remaining frozen as he settled the cup over it. The only reason he was sure it was still alive was the tiny motion of its front legs, two little investigative nudges against the edge of the cup.

“Excellent job,” he praised, his curiosity only growing. Most of the spiders he had cupped would immediately run at the glass with arms lifted in threat, or run in frantic circles along the edges seeking an escape. Of course, none of them had been this large. Most wild tarantulas were hunters, though, not spinners. Aggression would serve them well, so why was this one so docile? Was it an escaped pet? Had the cold water been that shocking?

He quickly retrieved a folder from the living room, returning to find that the plastic cup had shifted a couple of inches. It was large enough to push it, then.

“Just a little bit more,” he continued to soothe, carefully sliding the folder under the cup bit by bit, allowing the spider time to shift its legs onto the folder so the tips wouldn’t be pinched. He then carefully lifted the whole ensemble up, keeping a cautious hand on top of the cup. “There we go.”

The kitchen was dimly lit, the small light under the microwave still on so that anyone getting water in the middle of the night wouldn’t trip or run into anything in the dark. Logan glanced at the front door for a long moment, and then gave in to the urge to investigate his catch a bit closer. It would be irresponsible to just release a domesticated tarantula into the wild, after all.

He set the cup and folder down carefully on the counter, and then placed a heavy ceramic plate on top of the cup, reasoning that it was better to make sure the spider wouldn’t push the cup-- and itself-- right off the counter.

“One moment.” That done, he went into his room to retrieve his glasses, leaving the light off so as to not wake up Janus, who had only gotten in from his night shift a few hours ago. His roommate normally slept heavily once he managed to get to sleep, so Logan didn’t have to worry about waking him by climbing out of their shared bed, but better not to risk turning the lights on in the first place.

The world came into a much clearer focus once he’d pushed his glasses into their proper place atop his nose, and with his vision improved, he had no problems finding the hall closet and rummaging through it for one of Janus’s old terrariums.

He set the glass case down on the kitchen counter without any furnishings inside-- he was only planning to get a good look at the specimen, after all-- and flicked on the kitchen light before carefully moving the trapped spider into the terrarium and then lifting the cup away.

The spider frantically scuttled back, smacking thorax-first into the glass wall of the terrarium, and Logan frowned contemplatively at the sight of it.

It was certainly a tarantula, one that he’d probably be able to find online fairly easily with the distinctive white stripes along it’s eight fuzzy legs. Concerningly enough, there was an odd swelling protrusion on the anterior part of the body. It was a similar dark shade to the rest of the body, but almost larger than the thorax, and it blocked off any sight of the pedipalps, fangs, or eyes.

The texture didn’t seem to match the carapace… Perhaps it was a piece of garbage or organic waste that had gotten stuck on the creature? If it hindered movement, that could explain why it had been so still earlier.

It wasn’t still now, exhibiting an odd vibrating throughout its body that Logan had never witnessed from a spider before. He would certainly be doing some research into arthropods after this.

Well, at the very least, he could see if that protruding material would come loose.

Logan carefully pulled on one of Janus’s thick leather gloves, one of the more worn sets in case the spider had urticating hairs, and then reached down. The spider seemed to spot his shadow, going by the way it stiffened, and he reminded himself that though he didn’t know the species and many tarantulas were venomous, it was incredibly unlikely their venom would be able to do more than hurt him.

Confidence restored, he continued reaching down until his fingers met the odd lump, at which point a low, guttural hiss sounded, and the spider threw its front legs up and lunged, slapping its limbs down against the floor of the terrarium in threat.

Logan remained undeterred by the small tantrum, instead focusing on the fact that the obstruction was loose, almost like shed skin on a snake. Studying the spider carefully, he pinched it gently between two fingers, trying to discern what in the world it could possibly be.

The next three movements happened in rapid succession.

First, Logan tugged lightly at the material caught between his fingers. Second, the spider recoiled sharply, pulling away from his grip with surprising strength. And third, the covering came loose, the spider pulling free from it and leaving a limp swathe of fabric hanging from Logan’s fingers.

Below him, now uncovered, there was pale skin, a mop of bedraggled hair, and a tiny, terrified human face.

Logan froze, staring down at it-- them with wide eyes.

The being he’d mistaken for a spider was actually a drider, a creature of myth that was apparently all too real. Logan couldn’t help how stunned he felt. Even apart from the shock of the discovery, there was the shock of their size. Driders were said to have a human-sized spider half, not the other way around!

Below, the drider was still frozen in place, staring right back up at him. He could see the way their little chest was heaving with quick, panicked breaths, could feel the way the tiny makeshift poncho in his hand was sodden and cold, and he felt guilt strike him like a ruler across knuckles.

“I-- Hold on a moment, please,” he managed, his mind racing as he stepped back, turning and hurrying out of the room.

Once again, the hall closet held exactly what he needed, and he mentally rescinded all his past complaints about the amount of extra snake care items Janus had stashed away in their storage closet like a dragon’s hoard.

The heat lamp was compact enough to fit easily in the terrarium, where the spider-person had scuttled back to press themself into the furthest corner, limbs pulled in tightly in what had to be a fear response.

Logan set the lamp carefully inside and plugged it in, sighing in relief when the bulb lit up and began to glow orange. “This lamp is designed for reptiles, not arthropods, so it may be too hot for extended use. However, it will work temporarily as a heat source to get rid of excess moisture, so I encourage you to use it.”

The drider was glaring up at him with the tiniest scowl he’d ever seen, front legs still lifted up defensively, but didn’t say a word.

“Do you speak?” Logan asked, and received only silence in return. “I suppose I should have guessed as much, seeing as you haven’t responded to any of my previous statements. Do you understand me? Do we speak the same language?”

The drider glared harder.

“I find it hard to believe that you have animal-level intelligence,” Logan continued, now mostly to himself. He lifted a hand, displaying the poncho he still held. “Although some birds can ‘sew’, construction of clothing to cover one’s form is a complex and distinctly human sentiment.”

Still, nothing. Their gaze was caught by the poncho for a moment before they looked away entirely, looking for all the world to be sulking.

Logan sighed, and then slowly moved to place the poncho next to the heat lamp, laying it out flat for easier drying. “I’m going to attend to my morning routine. It should only take me a few moments, but please feel free to call or make noise if you need my attention between now and then.”

The drider’s expression had eased into confusion at the sight of their garment laid out before them, but their legs remained warily upright as Logan left the room.

As promised, he only made a brief stop to make sure both of his roommates were still soundly asleep before climbing into the shower and preparing himself for the day, roughly fifteen minutes behind schedule.

It wasn’t too disruptive-- it had eaten into the time he normally allotted for sitting at the table and eating breakfast, so that would have to be skipped today, but it wasn’t the end of the world.

Honestly, he’d likely spend the rest of the day thinking about the surprise addition to his morning. There were so many questions he’d love to ask, but seeing as the creature had attempted to hide their existence even at risk of being perceived as a normal spider (and therefore possibly squashed), he expected he wouldn’t be receiving any answers.

Talkative or not, the drider clearly had sapient levels of intelligence, and Logan was loath to start off humanity’s relationship with a vulnerable and secretive species by keeping them trapped in a snake terrarium against their will.

Even if he was willing to weigh scientific advancement over his morals, his roommates would never allow it. Patton would naturally be terrified and possibly sympathetic when witnessing their clear terror, and he’d had enough extensive debates on ethics with Janus to know that his opinion on keeping them captive would be much the same.

So, when he returned to the kitchen and saw them toppling over and scurrying back from the heat lamp that they’d clearly been attempting to use as a makeshift ladder to freedom, Logan didn’t bother commenting, simply moving forward and looking them over.

“You seem to have mostly dried,” he stated instead, able to appreciate the subtle design work of the poncho better now that it wasn’t being used as camouflage. The drider gripped it like they thought he might take it away.

They would react fairly badly to him reaching out with his hand, and reasonably so. Logan hadn’t exactly done much except douse, capture, and then gently interrogate them. Not exactly trustworthy behavior.

He studied the terrarium for a moment before grabbing a washcloth and draping it over the side, providing an easy textured surface for the spider to climb up. There. “You are free to go.”

The surprised expression that flashed across their face was almost comical.

“I’m not sure what your purpose in the bathroom was, but I’d ask you to be more careful in the future. One of my roommates…,” Logan sighed through his nose, exasperated even imagining it. “Well, suffice to say you should avoid him at all costs.”

The tiny drider continued to stare at him, gaze occasionally flickering over to the towel with clear suspicion. It was saddening to be so distrusted, but perhaps this show of goodwill would help prove that he didn’t intend any harm? He hoped he hadn’t frightened them from the residence entirely-- he shuddered at the many, many potential dangers the creature would find outside.

“My roommates will wake later in the day, so if you intend to avoid their notice, I’d suggest leaving the enclosure as soon as I have departed for work,” he gave a little farewell wave, not reacting to the slight flinch it elicited from the little guy. “It-- well, you probably don’t share the sentiment, but still-- it was nice to meet you. Goodbye.”

Forcing himself not to turn back and get one last look, Logan hurried out the door.

[palebloodcvrse]

Devil may cry V enemies: what do they taste like and how to cook them (part 2)

Empusa queen

The meat inside their abdomens is probably very tender and sweet, with the texture of something in between crab and tuna. Maybe the meat would make great nigiri, paired with soy sauce, ginger and wasabi, or on those fancy poke bowls all the insta girlies are making. The taste would vary depending on if they were killed in their "red" state or not. Not to mention she might have tasty empusa eggs that are like tobiko in there (if empusas lay eggs, that is.) 11/10

Green empusa/Red empusa

Theyre kinda like sugar ants. Following the same logic as their queen if you popped those suckers the juice would be hella sweet. Id use it as syrup for desserts. 9/10

Red orb empusa

They may look like candy but last I checked red orbs are inedible. Dont try unless you want broken teeth. -100/10

Baphomet

Cmon, its a fucking goat. Kalderetang kambing (🇵🇭) or african goat stew made with these things would probably slap. Youd have to cook them more carefully though since their internal temp is naturally colder. The process would be difficult but so worth it. 7/10

Riot/Chaos

Im not an expert on lizard cuisine but if crackhead places like florida and australia eat crocodile meat then these things wouldnt be any different. Youd have to sepeate the hard bits from the chaos demons off and slow cook their meat longer tho. 7/10/5/10

Nobody

See those eyes?? Make some maguro no medama yaki with these! Anything people did with tuna eyeballs is applicable here. Go nuts. Probably not something for squeamish people though.. then again nothing on this list is. 5/10

Lusachia

One thing and one thing alone came to my mind looking at this thing. Meatballs, meatballs and more meatballs. Remove the teeth and put this in your hell judecca/antenora tentacle pasta. 8/10.

__________

I wanna do the bosses next... except mfs like Dante and Vergil for... obvious reasons. Besides yall prolly wanna eat them in a diff way *wink wink*

Devil may cry V enemies: what do they taste like? (And how to cook them) (Cursed headcanons)

Part 1

Some things shouldnt be posted...

This is cursed as fuck but my brain always does weird shit like this and since tumblr is the de facto dump for thoughts like this I feel obligated to share it with you.

Hell Caina

Theyre honestly not very meaty. They have little bits of flesh stuck to their bones and they smell weird.... but their flesh makes a good snack if theres really nothing else. But they taste bland, almost like cardboard... and decay. -1/10

Hell Antenora/Judecca

Their flesh would taste the same as hell caina but those purple things would make good pasta if you blanched them to cook the bitterness away, otherwise that shit would taste like medicine.

If you want purple carbonara, spaghetti or mac and cheese, eat those tenties. 6/10

Pyrobat/Hellbat

theyre spicy and tangy. The texture of their flesh is kinda weird though, its quite leathery, kinda like softer beef jerky. Theyre actually really good for some korean hotpot if you have the patience to slowcook them. As for their heads, theyre too tough to be eaten but if you tossed it into a stew youd be able to get the flavors anyways. If you minced them they'd be great as taco meat because of their flavor. 7/10

Behemoth

A mix of beef and pork! Theyre great for soup, chili, or even pork belly or steak! It depends what part of them youre eating oh and those tongue limbs it has?? Great for a nice cut of filet mignon, and depending where you cut it you could get anything from brisket to bacon. 8/10

Death scissors

Fucking inedible. -1,000,000/10

Proto/scudo angelo

Is there even flesh under there or are they just made of armor through and through? Either way theyre not very meaty and their flesh would be too tough. 0/10

Fury

They look tasty, i mean they look like beef jerky/glazed meat/fruit rollups... theyd be really lean meat, they got potential but their flesh looks hella leathery, but theyre probably hella flavorful. 6/10

They cant all fit in one post so im gonna reblog with a part 2.

[moxfirefly]

Oh... Bitch. #19 and I request Mikey. I wanna see your magic and well... His. 😏🧡

Oh yes, let’s get it!

Rated Explicit (18+ only)

Michelangelo was dumbfounded. Truly stumped at the sentence that rolled out of your mouth.

He must’ve misheard, it wouldn’t be the first time, his mind always running a hundred per hour but this wasn’t the case.

Michelangelo gripped your feet, massaging the soles as you spoke. The two of you sat on the couch in the truck. It had taken several weeks of begging but Mikey had managed to swear on a stack of Wu-Tang vinyls that if Donnie lended him the truck he would return it in its complete safe mint condition. The reason for this was he wanted to take his girl out for a drive, maybe park somewhere nice, watch the night life, the city lights.

It was gonna be a perfect date for sure.

After some driving around, totally showing off that he so was a responsible driver unlike what his brothers suspected, he had parked. The two of you moved to the back part and enjoyed every nifty little gadget for entertainment that Donnie had installed.

So now as the two of you settled and talked about everything, the topic had shifted to sex.

For Mikey, even if his actual reptile brain was vibrating at the possibility of sex, he knew some of these talks were a means for you to find your ground. The topic often came up, not to say things hadn’t gotten pretty heated between the two of you, but it never escalated above some heavy petting.

Tonight though, Mikey’s brow bones shot up over the reason why you were still apprehensive of taking that final step. The reason though, just left him feeling incredulous.

“What do you mean you’ve never cum from sex?!” Mikey sat up better, attention at high when you covered your face and laughed. “It happens, Mike. More often than one would like but the guys I’ve been with just...” You trailed off, the situation was embarrassing as if.

Mikey bounced the information in his brain, were you afraid he would be another on the list? Then again it could be understandable, this was his first serious relationship. You noticed his pensive gaze and scooted close. “Hey im not saying you aren’t gonna get the job done, but my experiences just haven’t been earth shattering” You grabbed his hand, thumbs pressing on his palms.

Mikey shrugged with a shy smile. “Well, I think I can change that string of bad luck” The confidence was there and you couldn’t deny it was something that often made you giddy on the inside. With no hesitation you pressed your smiling lips to his, you felt the tips of his fingers caress beneath your chin. If there was something the orange banded ninja felt confident about, it was his ability to kiss. Often a time had he seen that glazed, love drunk gaze on you after a particularly steamy makeout session. Wether a soft, ghosting of a teasing kiss to those more messier saliva exchanging kisses. Mikey simply just knew how to work his mouth.

And you would be a god damn liar if you hadn’t fantasized about said mouth doing other things.

There in the softly lit back of the truck, you let yourself fall into the familiar ache that his mouth caused you. A few weeks ago you had ridden his thigh to the point of your nethers throbbing with a terrible need. Mikey’s lips teasingly kissed towards your neck, carefully raking his teeth over the sensitive spots. His kissing alone was far superior than those of your ex lovers, Mikey’s attention to detail when it came to your sweet spots was critical for him. He knew your neck was free game, too easy but he’d learned about your shoulders, about squeezing your waist and pressing you against himself.

He was well aware of raining down some cocky comments against your mouth or ears would deliver fantastic results.

You pulled back just an inch, eyes scanning his. You caressed his face, thumbs running across his lips, shiny with the taste of yours.

“Okay, let’s try it out” You spoke softly, cheeks flushed but eyes so very certain. He felt his heart rattle inside of him, nervousness rose but he fought against it when your hands caressed him so lovingly. You could reassure him with a look often times but if you touched him, ran your hands over his cheeks or arms, whatever self doubt would melt away.

Everything melts with Mikey.

Just like now, somewhere along the various sounds inside of the truck and the soft music playing you got up and started to undress before him. Mikey’s frozen in place but not out of fear or embarrassment but more so because he doesn’t want to miss a second of what you are giving him. Intimate parts of you he’d only gotten his fingertips to brush or lips to kiss. He’s mesmerized, hypnotized truly. Watching jeans slide down your legs and a sweater fall somewhere near your shoes. He can’t take his eyes off of you, sweaty hands pushing down his own shorts as he kicks off his shoes, thankful for not being in his full usual gear.

Mikey swallows dryly when your knees hit the couch, straddling his lap and effectively trapping him in your scent. Lazily you feel his hands on your hips steadying you. The kissing picks up again and you’ve never felt more in tune with somebody.

Somewhere along the heat his fingers find the clasp of your bra, hand at the back of his head you give him that nudge to do what he’s so very much craved. Burying his face between the two fleshy mounds he inhaled and shuddered against softness. Biting your lip you try to grind down on him, lost in the content sigh that blows hot air against your sternum.

“Mikey...” It’s a whisper against his temple, felt so deeply within his soul that can’t help but tug you closer to him. “You’re like, beautiful” He’s punch drunk and you’re pretty sure he just said that to your breasts but it brings chuckling smile out of you. “You’re not so bad yourself either” You take your lustful moment to run your hands down his chest, enamored with the texture, aroused by the strength you feel beneath your fingertips. You take a daring second to lean down and lick a slow stripe up his neck. Mikey felt like he short circuited with just that, he wondered if the rest of you would cause more of those sensations.

So he can’t help but find out. He moves you to lay down on the cozy couch, settled between your legs he grinds against your clothed heat. You want him already, quiet little moans escape you and go straight to his hard on. His underwear is past his hips and yours is pushed to the side and that familiar burn knocks the wind out of you cause it’s never felt this strongly. The shape of him makes you lift your hips to seek him out further and Mikey moans something guttural against your chest when he bottoms out in you.

“Fu-uck, oh god” It’s so sincere and muffled against your left breast that you’re secretly proud you caused that in him. He’s wary of his weight, one arm above your head to grip the armrest the other dug beneath your low back. He keeps you just the way you want to and the rest is your legs tightly snug against his waist, the edges of his shell digging in. That first cautious thrust is accompanied by his lips around your nipple. You shudder against him, the overwhelming sensation catching you off guard. You watch the arm above you flex, muscle twitch with his next thrust. He’s hitting spots that no other lover had bothered to, tongue twirling around your nipple alternating between sucking and biting the flesh.

You cuss, feel yourself shudder and stick to him with desire. “Jesus just-god!” You’re a mess of words when he licks all the way to your earlobe and bites down. “Just what? Hmm, girly you’re so warm around my dick” You must be red, every inch of you must be crimson because hearing him talk like that shouldn’t affect you that much. Mikey’s clearly riding the high of it, noticing how you clench around him and pull him into wet warmth.

Soon enough he’s thrusting harder, quicker and the truck is filled with panting and praising. You run your hands up his plastron, enjoying how that makes him buck more. He finds you lips and kisses you with a need that can’t be measured, tongue entwining with yours. The hand that had been so viciously holding the armrest snakes down your side and in between both of yours moving bodies. You feel the pad of his rough thumb slowly circle your hardened clit and the feeling is enough to moan into his mouth. Mikey licks the roof of your mouth and recaptures your mouth and it’s dizzying. The soft but firm circles on your sensitive nub make you squirm and tremble. It’s too many feelings at once, his cock filling you up, lips on yours distracting and that’s treacherous little motion of his thumb.

Soon you start to feel it, a tightening, a tension that makes you seek his thrusts out more. You want to moan but his kiss muffles it, tongue so busy making you needier. Mikey rubbed faster this time, the salacious wet sounds mixed with the sounds of slapping. You’re teetering and it’s too much for you to be able to concentrate on the kiss. Your mouth opens and you gasp when that free fall feeling hits. Mikey rubs and pounds and you cum. Your eyes shut tight as you scream, gushing around his length and spasming. Your back arches, hands trying to grab or push at anything. Mikey jackhammers the last of what he can and cums hard only making you shiver and spasm more. He buries his face between your sweaty breast, harsh breaths hitting the skin.

You find feelings against in your legs and your heart allows you to relax in the post coital bliss. “Was...Was that good?” Mikey sounds dead but so deeply satisfied and you giggle, the movement making your chest vibrate and he happily nuzzles your chest. “More than good, I think I lost my vision for five seconds” He snorts and you smile as you affectionately caress the back of his head.

“...Wanna go again?” You ask shyly.

“Absolutely” He grins against your skin.