#skizz please this could be so good lock in

[epilogueofwinter]

skizz making maslow’s hierarchy of needs on hermitcraft was not on my bingo card…

[watarfallar]

Do y'all want more of this or something else for next time?

Mumbo: There's beer in the cooler. Lizzie: What about for the children? Mumbo: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer. Joel: Why don't we just give the kids water? Mumbo, angrily: I suppose you could do that!

Gem: You know, I always wanted to be somebody. Scott: You probably should have been more specific.

Lizzie: I'm a witch. I mixed some herbs and crystals together and now my cat knows the f-word.

Ren: It's locked. You got a lock pick? Grian: Yeah- Gem: *kicks in the door*

Joel: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk? Martyn: *sighing* Scott. Scott: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die. Impulse: *wiping away a tear* So inspirational.

Skizz: Pros and cons of dating me. Skizz: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Skizz: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests? Tango: Death penalty. Skizz, from the gallery: Tango, it’s just a parking ticket. Tango, whispering into the mic: Please kill me.

Gem: You’re overthinking this. Jimmy: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Gem. What if I’m underthinking?

Mumbo: Hey, Cleo? Can I get some dating advice? Cleo: Just because I'm with Etho doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Pearl: What's your most controversial video game hot take? Grian: The pursuit for photorealism in games is a fruitless endeavor that only results in bloated file sizes that take too much space. Etho: Mario is a woman and just really butch.

Scar: Bad news—Impulse locked themself outside of their own house. Scar: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith. Scar: Bad news—Mumbo finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute guys/girls/enbies. Scar: Good news—a cute guy/girl/enby saw me do it. Scar: Bad news—it was Grian, and since they’ve already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, they’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. They know.

Jimmy: Truth or dare? Grian: Dare. Jimmy: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room. Grian: Hey Gem? Gem, blushing: Yeah? Grian: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Etho.

BigB: Isn’t it weird how we pay money to see other people? Skizz: You mean movies? Ren: Concerts? Scar: Prostitutes? BigB: Wha…N-no, I mean glasses, what the fuck-

BigB: I truly hate it here <3 Scott: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it? Jimmy: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women? Tango: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny? Mumbo: I’m having a fucking stroke. Jimmy: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations!

BigB, about Jimmy and Tango: My god, would you two just get a room already? Tango: Excuse me, BigB? BigB: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding? Jimmy: ... Lizzie: I ship it! Skizz: CAN YOU NOT?

Grian: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange? BigB: Which came first, the orange or the orange? Impulse: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago. Scott: What was the color called before then? Pearl: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

Gem: So we're gonna read what we wrote down so we can tell everyone in the class something about ourselves. Impulse: Okay, my name is Impulse but you can refer to me as Lord Farquad. Gem: Okay that's not happening- how about you! Ren: I'm Ren and I like the movie White Chicks! Gem: ...Okay... whatever, I respect that. Bdubs: My name is Bdubs and I hate this place, it actually sucks here... Gem: Okay... and you... Scott: *nervous* Uhhh my name is Scott and my favorite color is... math.

Impulse: Eugh, Ren. Bdubs: Remember when they tried to kill us because I wouldn’t marry them? BigB: They’re always trying to trick me into giving them my house! Mumbo: One time I caught them stealing my moisturizer…

Bdubs: Mumbo, let’s go! Mumbo: Oh, yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about writing maybe a letter. Bdubs: Okay, you know what? That’s it, you had your chance. Mumbo: What-? Bdubs: Mom, Dad, Mumbo smoked pot in college. Mumbo: You are such a tattletale! Mumbo: Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked into my room and smelled marijuana? Well, I told you it was Etho who was smoking the pot but... It was me. I’m sorry. Bdubs: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn’t steal your Playboy’s, Mumbo did. Mumbo: Yeah, well, hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing Bdubs did. Bdubs: Mumbo hasn’t worked for a year! Mumbo: Bdubs and Etho are living together! Bdubs: Mumbo married Grian in Vegas and got divorced AGAIN! Pearl: I love Jacques Cousteau! Grian: I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle! Gem: I wanna gooo!!

Scott: “I miss you” is the nicest text you can receive. Impulse: “I bought a monster truck.” Cleo: You’re both wrong, it’s “I have too much money, you can have some.” Gem: “I got you pizza.” Scar: Fools! I present to you this: “Bdubs is driving to your house right now.” Impulse: “Bdubs had too much money so they’re driving to your house in a monster truck with a pizza that they got for you.” Scott: “…Because they missed you.”

PLUS A BONUS HERMITCRAFT ONE:

Xisuma, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. Impulse: Hey. Scar: Hi. Grian: Hello. Mumbo: Hey! Xisuma: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Gem: We were out of Doritos.

[qprsmackdown]

what submissions have the most convincing propaganda: rather for being silly or being serious

hi anon. mod zazie here. i read through every single one of the submissions to answer this because i am insane. and the results are as follows ^-^

techno & phil fans are INSANE over "for you phil, the world!!" as they should be!! i, too, read bunfloras' phil & techno fics. but even if i didnt already know who emeraldduo was, you all have VERY GOOD propaganda. Immortal lifelong best friends... <3

dsmp fans i love you im holding out my hand to you in a gesture of friendship. hello. both mods are also mcyt fans and dsmp fans. we know abt characters vs ccs. we also despise cc!dream. you are safe here. im sorry that previous polls have traumatized you :((

c!tubbo/c!ranboo fans also fucking turned out you have VERY convincing propaganda

ive never read the locked tomb, know nothing of the characters, but to the submitters who sent in Camilla Hect and Palamedes Sextus youve convinced me. VERY good job. where can i find your media i need to learn more. no like fr

jrwi fans are you okay. good lord /pos. also youll be pleased to know WE HAVE NOT ONE BUT TWO SUBMISSIONS OF THE GREATER MANA POLYCULE

to the etho/skizz fan who submitted an essay. hi. i think youre so right for putting them in a httyd au. very convincing propaganda. also are you okay.

hi silmarillion fans. do you need hot cocoa.

jrwi fans are literally so not normal about their guys. sorry to call you out but oh my god not a single one of you is normal /pos. its great.

not a fnaf fan but "Theyre also both canonically queer, if that helps. That has nothing to do with the lobotomies or the dying and being revived as a soulless walking corpse, though." is the sentence of all time. i hope whoever wrote that is doing well.

good evening to the homestuck fan who wrote jake & dirk propaganda so convincing that for a moment i wanted to go check out their media only to remember its Homestuck and ONLY to the homestuck fan who wrote jake & dirk propaganda so convincing that for a moment i wanted to go check out their media only to remember its Homestuck.

we've been over the jesus christ/mary magdalene submission but did you know apparently there's actual evidence to back it up? lots of it in fact? i did not expect to read that tonight (for future reference slash in case you're curious i am an atheist & cycad is christian)

the little women fan has some SERIOUS propaganda. my respect o7

hello to the autistic sp (south park) fan who wrote a genuine essay on kenny mccormick and eric cartman. wish you well (and like, we got a voltron submission as well. i dont know either of those shows/fandoms at all besides vague knowledge that they're not great but eh we're here to have fun. who cares (this is in response to you mentioning you didnt know if sp was allowed (i dont know actually youd have to ask cycad but im like 95% sure its fine (can you tell i have adhd))))

GIGOLAS FAN SPOTTED. they didnt write a lot of propaganda but HELL YEAH WE GOT SOME LOTR FANS HERE. theyre so qpr to me you dont even KNOW

i didnt even think about link/zelda being a qpr before this but you have convinced me. youre so right. they Are

besties who drink poison together STAY together!!! (merlin and arthur). fuck yeah baby!!! i have never seen merlin bbc

oh moirails are a homestuck thing i saw those in our asks and was unsure what they were

CANON QPR IN FABLE SMP? oh i need to check that out. fable smp fans ik this is a long shot but if anyone wants to give me reccomendations for where to start watching.

hiya qsmp fans. no need to worry you have turned out in both numbers AND propaganda. wowzers.

we have One submission for q!quackbur but now im wondering why no one has submitted c!quackbur. theyre literally homoeretic business rivals whose relationship could be viewed as platonic or romantic. smh

Roman and Youngblood from Roleslaying with Roman have very dedicated fans.

divorce quartet the divorced qp polycule ever but also im very biased. (both scott/cleo and scott/martyn were submitted multiple times)

we have some very fun ocs & real life qp relationships and im so here for it.

oh hey lifesteal smp i know those guys. wow damn theyre kinda fucked up arent they.

POLYARCHIVES SUPREMACY <3 BASEDBASEDBASED

POLYMECHS SUPREMACY ALSO SO BASED

Hi. Person who submitted both jesus/mary magdalene and now hamlet/ophelia. I love you. You are here to cause CHAOS and i for one applaud you for it. Can we kiss /j

[calling-an-angels-name]

soft sex headcanons, oh don't mind if I do!

Skizz is a gentle giant. he's tall and muscular and strong but he is so gentle and sweet with his partner(s). the gentlest grip against their hips, trailing the softest kisses along their neck and collarbones. he'll practically worship them, taking his time to pleasure them, quiet murmurs of praise and compliments. during sex he will not stop telling his partner how amazing they are; how beautiful and how smart they are, how kind, how much he adores them, how he just loves to give them everything they could ever need. He loves with his entire being and he'll be damned if he lets his partner(s) forget it.

when Grians wings get all in disarray from weeks of building, there's no one he'd rather go to than Scar. Scar, who will card through his feather so methodically and with such care, making sure every inch of Grians wings are in perfect condition before has done. Grian will through his head back, leaning against Scars chest; it makes it much more difficult to clean the colorful feathers, but he'll manage as he leans forward to plant soft kisses to Grians cheek. gently petting his hair and letting Grian fully relax into him, knowing he's so safe and well cared for. by the end of it, of course, with all the stimulation, Grian is impossibly hard, and Scar will take such good care of him, fucking him slowly through his arousal. he might be on top but he's 100% at grians command. if Grian asks him to speed up or slow down or to stop or to keep going, he listens without hesitation, moaning and whispering in his ear how good he feels and how lucky he is to see Grian in such a perfect state. they'll fall asleep afterwards, cuddled up on their bed, Scars hands still petting grins hair as he nuzzles into scars chest, soft chirps and warbles leaving his lips.

I imagine Tango as quite the hardcore kind of guy, not exactly one for softness and vulnerability, but none of that matters when he's with his partner. the look of pure love and adoration in his eyes as he gazes at his partner is unmatched, so entirely and completely devoted to them. even outside of sex, it's not uncommon to catch him watching his partner with a blissed out look in his eyes and a smile gracing his lips as he watches them preform the most mundane tasks. He's more than willing to go at whatever pace his partner wants, no matter how fast or slow, he just wants to please, to see and hear the way they crumble with the pleasure he brings them.

Gem is alllllll about soft, slow, and intimate sex. the kind that starts with sleepy cuddles, bodies a spider web of intertwined limbs, slow lazy kisses. She gently cups her partners face, puts a hand around their hip to pull them impossibly closer, nuzzling her nose into their neck. the two of them giggle together, kisses becoming more drawn out, with more tongue, and hands start gently wandering beneath pajamas. Gem grinds lazily against her partners thigh as she palms them through their underwear, soft moans escaping their locked lips. it's just desperate but still soft rutting and grinding until one of them finally takes control, gently fucking the two of them through orgasm after orgasm, the entire time grasping at each other and holding each other close.

You’re so real for all of these and they’re all so sweet :]

[ranchersrevenge]

Something something housemate from hell

Second installment of nmh wooo yeahhhh, got my ass kicked by school so it’s out later than planned whoops.

Word Count: 857

TWs for: possible body horror.

first installment

So. Imagine this, you've newly moved into a rental home with two other people you barely know for college. Aside from a few text conversations about leasing and rent, you haven't even spoken to each other, beyond casual small talk that is. It's only been a week since you've arrived here.

And everyone is already getting on your nerves. 

Tango didn't have to imagine that. He had a housemate that was rarely home, somehow. Even though it had only been a week, he'd only seen Skizz once. That wasn't much of a problem, he just assumed it was a schedule related thing. At least he did his share of the chores. 

Etho was a bit more of an issue. Tango didn't even know what major he was taking, not that it mattered because he didn't seem to go to class at all. If he was taking night classes, he could at least have the dignity to not make insanely loud noises at 2 am. That most likely wasn't the case however, considering he left with at least a camera and an emf reader each time. Amateur ghost hunting, maybe. To each their own, Tango guessed. Though it was definitely weird that Tango could hear Paramore blasting from his room. And that every time he went to ask Etho to turn it down, he had headphones on.

It's the little things that build up, it wasn't enough for Tango to consider moving out yet. Especially with how hard it was to find a place to stay. Though one would wonder how much it would eventually take. 

Well, Tango didn't know anything about that at the moment, with rent prices everywhere and all. 

It does get annoying when the people you live with leave all their things around in your common areas, however. Even if it's something extremely minor, some people have pet peeves. Tango wasn't sure what the object on the ground in their living room was. A talisman, maybe? It looked a bit important. Though it could just be part of Etho's hobby. He didn't know much about Skizz yet, but he wasn't going to interact with Etho this early in the day. It seemed like Skizz was home today anyway.

Tango bent down to pick the circular object up, at least it had a chain it was hanging off of, so he didn't risk getting cursed or something. He almost laughed at himself for thinking that, he normally didn't believe in anything related to the occult.

He headed down their short hallway sandwiched between the bathroom and their respective rooms. Hearing music from Etho's room again only strengthened his lack of desire to open or even knock on his door. Knocking on the door of the room next to his. Tango waited for a few seconds, getting no reply. 

Weird, he knew he heard his housemate moving around in there. 

He knocked again.

Yet again, no reply. 

Tango called out to his housemate, "Skizz? I know you're in there. I think one of you may have lost something. It'd be nice if you could open up..".

Silence, only sounds of... scuttling? Maybe Skizz had a weird walk. Wait, that's a bit rude. Still, it was getting a bit annoying. Tango was contemplating opening the door outright, but what if it was locked? Oh well, knocking and saying it verbally might do the trick. He raised his fist to the door a final three times. "Hey man, please open the door."

Absolutely nothing.

Tango had been defeated by common courtesy. There was only one option left, he definitely wasn't trying Etho's door until he exhausted the opportunities. Ah, one more verbal notification for good measure. 

"Alright then..I'm opening the door, I hope you don't mind." Absolute radio silence. Sighing, Tango put his hand around the doorknob, giving it a turn to the right. 

The door opened inwards, creaking a little. The scuttling sounds still haven't stopped. 

And Skizz was nowhere to be seen. "Huh? What? Wh-?" Tango stammered, certain without a doubt that a person was moving about in the room. 

Not on the floor that is. Regrettably, Tango realized that the scuttling sounds were coming from the ceiling. He really didn't want to look up, but he did.

And there Skizz was, yep, on the ceiling. Tango definitely couldn't rationalize anything he was seeing at the moment as normal. Skizz was most clearly crawling on the ceiling. On all fours, a vacant look in his eyes. His face snapped down rapidly in Tango's direction, who was frozen in fear at the moment.

"Oh! Hello!" 

Tango wasn't sure how he snapped out of it, but he closed the door with the most force he thought he had ever used in doing quite literally anything before. He wasn't quite hyperventilating, but his breath was rapid. Heaving for a few seconds, he let himself catch his breath against Skizz's door for a moment. 

"What the fuck." Was the only sequence of vocabulary he managed to get out of his mouth.

Maybe it was time to consider moving, but really? After only a few weeks, and in this economy?

[lunarblazes]

alright SO. i guess i’m posting this little thing i wrote last night in a feverish daze! who here likes ghost aus?

Scar is very excited when the lady who led Grian into his house shows up again sipping a brown drink from a plastic cup that he’s been told is called coffee. She hands a cup of iced tea to Grian and the two of them sit down in the grass.

“So,” she says with a grin, “how’s the life?”

“Pearl, I am so glad you did not bring me a stupid muffin again,” Grian responds exasperatedly. He takes a sip of the tea.

Pearl shrugs. “Well, you don’t know what I’ve got in my bag, now do you?” She pats her purse, splayed out behind her on the grass. Grian groans.

“Please do not drag me back into one of those houses— I have to work on a project tonight, Pearl, c’mon?”

“I’m just joking! Don’t worry, there’s nothing this time. I get the feeling you have your hands full already.” She glances up at the sky. Scar doesn’t notice that her eyes catch on the spot of what should be air behind Grian.

Grian stiffens before sullenly taking another sip of his tea. “You could say that.”

“Mmm, what’s eatin’ ya? Is Martyn snoring again? Did the commenters on the last video worm themselves into your brain?”

Grian laughs, but there’s a little too much tension behind it. He deliberately keeps his eyes trained on the grass. “Nah, nothing like that. Just the projects, that’s all.”

Pearl nods. Scar can see that she doesn’t really believe him, but she drops the subject. “What’s the project about?”

“Uhhh… I’ll tell you when I find out,” Grian mumbles, clutching his tea. “I may have forgotten about it for a week.”

Pearl laughs. “Yeah, that sounds about right. Bet it’s on something super boring. Grian, the amazing, acclaimed ghost hunter is too cool for something like simple history projects.”

Scar grins and looks over at Skizz, Etho, Mumbo, and Jimmy. Skizz is still playing with some flowers while Jimmy explains their meanings. Mumbo is staring at the clouds, only really half there (it must be a good day for his body’s health today) and Etho is… well, being Etho. None of them will notice if he just… grabs hold for a second. He really wants to just try some tea. Just for a second! And it’s not like he can ask, Grian’s in the middle of a conversation. That would be impolite. Just a quick peek in, just a taste.

Scar rests his hand on Grian’s shoulder and lets himself relax into the gesture, form dissolving into white smoke. Grian barely has time to tense up before the moment has passed and Scar settles into his skin. Scar swirls around the cup and takes a sip, letting the flavor spread across his hijacked tongue. It’s nice— nothing like the stuff he had when he was alive, very much more milk and more flavoring (it has these weird little circular things at the bottom that he’s never seen before). He’d like to try more, but he told himself it’d only be a second, and he needs Grian to not lock him out entirely for the rest of the month if he wants to keep using his energy, so Scar tries to give control back for a split second until he realizes that Pearl is looking dead at him.

She puts a hand on his shoulder and it feels like a vice. “Let’s go for a walk,” Pearl says, and it’s not a suggestion, and she doesn’t take her hand off his shoulder.

“Whaaaat? That’ll take forever and I need to go work on that, uh, project,” Scar replies in Grian’s voice. He tries for finger guns to lessen the wrongness. Pearl’s expression doesn’t change.

“It won’t take long.” She starts walking and moves her iron grip to his wrist.

Well! Scar’s gonna have to practice his Grian Mannerisms sometime anyway. Might as well be with his twin sister.

It’s a walk with about three full minutes of dead silence as Pearl leads him around the campus. It is incredibly awkward. Scar is very uncomfortable. He can feel Grian’s brain waking up from the sluggish haze he’d put his host under; internally, he cringes— Grian’s definitely going to be mad now.

“Is he waking up now?” Pearl asks conversationally, as if she’s just asking about the weather.

Scar jumps. “Uh, what?”

“Word of advice, next time you try to possess my brother,” Pearl turns and stares him directly in the eyes. “He has brown eyes.”

“Ah.” Scar clears his throat. “Well, I, uh— if you let me go, real quick, I’ll be out of yours and his hair—“

“No, you won’t. Most of the ghosts that follow him around are harmless. You’re the only exception. The ghost in the cloak, right? Wizard one?”

“Witch, actually,” Scar mumbles.

Pearl waves her hand. “Yeah. You’re trying to feed on him, though. He’s not that tired purely off projects. Why?”

“I mean, maybe a little bit, but I have to—“

“No you don’t.” Pearl says authoritatively, still not breaking eye contact. “You can float around perfectly fine and not take a single bit of his soul. So why?”

“I,” Scar stumbles for words. “I don’t— I don’t know.”

“Great. Then stop. Because I actually do know how to perform an exorcism, and I will not hesitate.”

Grian’s starting to fight for his body back. Scar nods slowly. “Got it— I, yeah. Yeah, I won’t— yeah.”

Pearl smiles at him. “Good.”

She lets go of his wrist and Scar is sent spiraling into the air again. Grian, to his credit, does a good job at hiding the weirdness of being pushed out of his own body, but not as good of a job at hiding the fact that it happened.

“Oh,” he says lamely. “Pearl. You’re still… here.”

Pearl innocently sips her coffee. It’s running low. “Yep. Same as a second ago, Gri. You were just telling me about that project?”

“Yeah, right, um— I should go, go work on that, actually,” Grian stammers. Pearl nods and hums in agreement.

“Good luck! I’m sure you can get something done.”

“Yeah, thanks. Thanks for the bubble tea, too, and for the visit. Always nice to see you.”

“Vice versa, Grian. If you ever need anything, give me a call!”

“Will do, thanks.” Grian turns and walks away, slightly shaken. Pearl doesn’t break eye contact with Scar again until he turns to follow his host.

Dang. She’s good at this.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Okay, among us requests, because I am Never not thinking about Hermit among us: that moment in the latest stream (18/06/21) when Imposter Impulse accidentally jumps in the same vent as Engineer Astro? I don't have much more specific than that in terms of ideas, I just think two people crammed into one vent while quietly freaking out is hilarious

oh big same. thats why i asked for new requests :D

btw you're one of my favourite requesters so feel free to send any and all ideas/requests you have! lol

...

As the meeting ends, Impulse heads up to the top of cafeteria, cursing in his head. Having his imposter partner thrown off is never ideal, but at least he still has a chance to win. He’s up against four crewmates, so if he can kill one and frame another, he should have this in the bag.

After faking a task, he heads into medbay. But there’s nobody there for him to kill, so he decides to hop into the vent to head to security and find someone to kill there…

…only to find himself face-to-face with Astrozoan, who is squished into the vent along with him.

The two stare at each other for a few solid seconds, an almost identical open-mouthed, wide-eyed expression of surprise on their faces.

Impulse feels the need to say something, to explain himself. After all, he knows Astro isn’t his imposter partner. But all that comes out is, “Uhhh…”

Finally, Astro shakes himself into action and leaps out of the vent.

Cursing under his breath, Impulse follows suit and pursues him, hoping against all hope that he can catch Astro before he hits the button.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t.

“I just saw Impulse vent in medbay,” Astro says, with an air of victory.

“I did vent, cuz I’m the engineer,” Impulse tries.

“No, ASTRO’s the engineer,” responds Evil with a slight grin. “Nice try, Impulse.”

Impulse scowls at him. “How can you be so sure? Anyone can claim they’re the engineer, especially imposters.”

“I know it’s him because when the last sabotage went off, he said “hey Evil watch this” and insta-fixed it right in front of me,” Evil says. “That means you’re the imposter, cuz there’s no other roles that can go in the vent.”

“The only thing that makes sense is they’re both the imposters,” argues Impulse. “And they’re trying to get me voted out. You can’t just take Evil’s word for it that Astro fixed the sabotage.”

To his surprise and delight, it seems that the others aren’t as convinced of his guilt as Astro and Evil are.

“Oh come on!” Astro sighs as the votes are tied, thanks to Etho skipping.

Impulse watches him as the meeting comes to an end. Astro’s already used his emergency meeting, so he can’t call another one. But maybe Evil can.

The reactor gets set off. Clearly, Tango is helping Impulse out from beyond the grave.

Astro sets off immediately, but Evil stays by the button. Impulse follows Astro past medbay, and as soon as they leave Evil’s line of sight, Impulse shoots Astro dead and vents from security to electrical. He figures now that the person accusing him is dead, he should be back on track. And the fact that Astro didn’t solve the sabotage before he died just gives Impulse more time on his cooldown.

But just as he’s heading back to the table, Astro’s body is reported.

“Astro’s dead,” Evil reports, staring straight at Impulse. “NOW will you believe me that he was the engineer?”

Impulse stares at him for a moment, only now realising how absolutely game-endingly stupid his decision to kill Astro was.

“Maybe he got sheriffed…?” he suggests weakly.

“I watched you run off towards reactor with Astro and now he’s dead,” replies Evil. “I couldn’t save Astro but I’m gonna avenge him. Now will you all PLEASE vote for Impulse?”

Impulse opens his mouth to say something, anything, but deep down, he knows it’s no use. Killing Astro was the dumbest thing he could have possibly done; with Astro dead, Impulse has essentially proven his own guilt. He’s proven categorically that Astro wasn’t the imposter.

“Ohh, I am the WORST,” Impulse groans, burying his face in his hands.

Skizz bursts out laughing. “You killed the one guy who could’ve taken the fall for your kills, dude! You ARE the worst!”

Impulse lets out a long groan and sinks down in his seat, watching as everyone votes for him. He locks in his vote for himself and sighs as he’s ejected out the airlock.

Immediately, the round ends. When Impulse makes it back to the lobby, he seeks out Astro straight away.

To his surprise, Astro starts laughing as soon as he sees him. “Dude, your face when you saw me in the vent was- Oh my god, I’m gonna remember it forever. When you killed me, it all just kinda caught up to me and I just started laughing and didn’t stop for ages.”

“Sorry about that,” Impulse says sheepishly.

But Astro waves away his apology. “No, it was hilarious. It was totally worth it to see your face change dramatically when you realised you’d screwed yourself over.”

“It was a really stupid decision, wasn’t it? I really should not be allowed to play this game.”

“Hey, if it makes you feel any better, it was a result of the absolute worst luck possible,” Astro responds. “Such incredibly bad luck that you happened to jump into the one vent the engineer was chilling in.”

“Well, good on you for already building trust with Evil,” says Impulse.

“Oh yeah if I hadn’t, I think you might’ve managed to convince him you were engineer. He was already suspicious of me. That’s why I fixed the sabotage earlier; to convince him I wasn’t imposter.”

“Dang.” Impulse chuckles. “Good game, man.”

Astro grins back. “You too. Make sure you check the vent for rogue engineers more carefully next time.”

“Shut up.”