#sirius puns

[incorrect-fanfiction-quotes]

Portkey Rubber Bullets; Unfair, But Practical

Harry, getting shot: Ow, what the fu—

Harry, now somewhere else entirely: —ck? Okay what, that’s not fair, is he serious with with?

Sirius: No, I am.

Harry: Oh shit, he got you too?

Ron: And me.

Tonks: Everyone in the Order, really.

Voldemort, singing to himself: Badda bang badda boom, I present to you your doom.

[sunnysaystuff]

puns :3

sirius: prongs would you be a deer and get me a glass of water please<3

james: fuck you so, so much !

sirius: oh, please don't, my brother will get jealous :(

james: fuck off pads <3

sirius: but you're doe funny, prongs :( i couldn't deerl with leaving...

james: are you shitting me😭

sirius: nooo...james you know i'm always sirius, DOEn't you?

james: HOW do you have so MANY of them for fuck's sake...

sirius:

sirius: no i-deer

james: pads i'm gonna kill you

sirius: come on prongs, deernertime!! james: james, calling: REGULUS!!!!! i want dinner!!

regulus: *manifesting from the shadows (descending the stairs) like the spooky wizard (edgy nico di angelo ass bottom) he is* dinner has arrived, potter ;)

sirius: oh, FUCK no! prongs keep your paws OFF my brother!!!

james: last time i checked, YOU had the paws, pads...

sirius:

james, turning: reg, you look so- *glances at sirius* so FETCHING!!!!!!!!

sirius: sirius.exe has stopped working

[vyntagewrites]

James Potter with a little extra pudge around the mid section, after years of his wife’s cooking & more low key quidditch.

Remus Lupin needling bifocals to read, sheepish to admit it.

Lily Evans Potter refusing to dye her hair when the grays start coming in, saying it’s “natural & beautiful”

Sirius Black dyeing his hair when the grays start coming in, saying “my names not Sirius Gray!”

Ashdjdintszgaydifnr the Marauders, getting older.

[enbysiriusblack]

peter pettigrew is smart, he just has exam anxiety

[sorenphelps]

he’s clueless why everyone starts to take off their clothes when he invites them to see his stamp record collection

sort of a continuation of this

bonus:

R: so you meant it seriously… uhm, this is awkward…

S: well, i am always Sirius

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

Sirius: *sitting with his face buried in his hands* Remus: *worried* Sirius? What’s the matter? Sirius: *still not looking up* James is fully convinced that he’s part dinosaur. Remus: ??? Sirius: He says that stags have evolved from dinosaurs and that it makes him part dinosaur. Remus: … may I ask how he came to this conclusion? Sirius: *big sigh* Stegosaurus. Remus: Stego- Remus: Remus: *sigh* Stag-osaurus? Sirius: Mhm *nods* Remus: Remus: Lemme just- Remus: JAMES YOU’VE BROKEN SIRIUS YOU BITCH

[everwalldigan]

Sirius: can I be frank with you, Frank?

James: not if I’m frank with Frank first, isn’t that right Frank?

Frank: *grinning, opening his mount to answer*

Remus: *sobbing on the verge of a mental breakdown* STOP PLEASE STOP

[xenon1962]

[wolfstarlibrarian]

hello! you probably won't answer this but do you have any recs for a ballet!wolfstar au? thank you :)

Oh, but I will! There's already a dancer list in the library because this is one of my favorite AUs. I'll link that list below along with ballet specific recs.

Wolfstar Dancers Wolfstar + Ballet

Dulcet by bluepeony Remus has devoted his life to ballet.

Pas de Deux in the Upper West Side by wilteddaisy (taotu) Remus Lupin is a principal dancer with the New York City Ballet. A lead role comes up for grabs in the company's newest ballet and Remus is determined to have it. But only when Sirius Black — oozing talent, charisma and all the elements of a world-class distraction — joins the company does it hang in the balance.

Fire On Fire by WolfstarGarden Sirius’ frown deepened. After a moment he murmured in a low voice, “I don’t understand you at all, Remus Lupin. Oh, but I would so very like to.” A flush crawled boiling heat up Remus’ neck as he fumbled for an answer. “Goodness Sirius … I’m no one special.” Sirius’ gaze didn’t waver. He said simply, “I think you could be very special to me.”

the elasticity of time by @mordax101 Where Remus gets into a bit too many fights, running from these fights brings him to his favourite record store and the ballet studio behind it, and a subsequent friendship that carries him through the years. (set in 70s muggle London)

Icarus by EkaFricai After six years performing as a professional ballet dancer, Remus Lupin returns to the Hogwarts Dance Academy to teach. (modern wolfstar AU)

Share this list with your own recs and headcanons!

[aludraslytherin]

James, talking to Sirius: I'll follow Reggie into Hell and back, but I just wish he could stop going there Reg, hunting down the the tiara in the Room of Requiement: I feel like someone is talking about me

[ultravioletbrit]

Here Comes the Pride for @into-the-jeggyverse - Jegulus Bingo 2024!!

Bingo Prompts - Barista Regulus, Zookeeper James, Wedding Hijinks, First Date

Fic Summary - James is a Zookeeper who deals with lions all day long. Regulus is a barista at the Zoo who has to deal with James every morning. James is the best and the worst part of Regulus’ day, so when he invites Regulus to a slightly unconventional wedding, Regulus isn’t sure if it’s the best or the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. 🦁

[claudufus]

How I think Halloween went if james and lily really had to die:

Peter: I RATted you out

James: Oh deer

Sirius: this seems Sirius

Remus *on the phone to mary*: I was unaWERE of this information

Mary, Voldemort, Lily and Dumbledore:WTF??

Snape *dancing with Lily’s dead body*: WTFFF?

[kingstarkingslay]

WOLFSTAR MUSEUM CONFESSION

The sun dipped low over the horizon, casting a warm golden glow across the halls of the London Museum of History. Inside, the air was filled with the soft hum of chatter and the occasional clinking of glasses as the annual charity gala unfolded. Among the mingling crowd, two figures stood out.

Sirius leaned against a marble column, his dark hair tousled and his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. He surveyed the room, a cheeky grin playing on his lips. He was here for the art, of course, but mostly for the company.Remus strolled in just a moment later, his tie slightly askew and a faint blush dusting his cheeks. He was clearly nervous, but there was a warmth to his smile that melted Sirius’s heart. “Sorry I’m late,” Remus said, brushing a hand through his sandy hair. “Lost track of time in the library.”

“Books over art?” Sirius teased, stepping closer. “You wound me.”

Remus chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Not at all. I just needed some last-minute research on the Van Gogh exhibit. You know, for a little extra knowledge to impress you.”

“Oh, is that your plan? To dazzle me with facts about sunflowers?” Sirius leaned in, lowering his voice playfully. “Because I can’t imagine anything more romantic.”

Remus rolled his eyes, though he was clearly fighting a smile. “You’d be surprised how passionate I can get about art.”

“Prove it,” Sirius challenged, gesturing toward the exhibit room. “Let’s go see what all the fuss is about.”

As they wandered into the gallery, the walls adorned with vibrant paintings, Sirius felt a flutter of excitement. They paused in front of a particularly striking piece—a swirling night sky, rich with blues and yellows.

“Starry Night,” Remus said, his voice soft. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Sirius nodded, though his gaze was fixed more on Remus than the painting. “Almost as beautiful as you.”

Remus turned to him, surprise and warmth flooding his features. “Sirius…”

Before he could respond, Sirius’s hand found Remus’s, fingers intertwining in a gentle, yet electric touch. “What? You think I’m not serious? This is art, after all,” he added, his voice teasing. “And I’m clearly a connoisseur of beauty.”

Remus laughed, his heart racing. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Only for you,” Sirius replied, his tone suddenly sincere. “You know that, right?”

Their eyes locked for a moment, the world around them fading into the background. Remus took a step closer, his heart pounding. “I do. I just—”

“Hey, look at this one!” Sirius interrupted, steering them toward another painting. It was a colorful landscape, wildflowers bursting against a blue sky. “This is more like it! It has vibe.”

Remus shook his head, laughing again. “You really can’t resist, can you?”

“I’m just trying to get your mind off that ‘talk’ we’re having,” Sirius said, winking. “But if you want to discuss my feelings about you among the flowers, I’m all for it.”

The air crackled between them, teasing and warm. Remus turned serious for a moment, his expression softening. “I do want to, Sirius. I just—”

“Remus, come here,” Sirius interrupted again, this time pulling him closer to a painting of a moonlit forest. “Look at how the light falls through the trees. Isn’t it magical?”

“Magical, yes,” Remus said, heart fluttering. “But not nearly as enchanting as this moment.”

Sirius glanced sideways, caught off guard. “Oh? You think so?”

“I do.” Remus took a deep breath, gathering courage. “Maybe we could create our own kind of art together?”

“Are we talking about painting?” Sirius teased, his heart racing.

“Maybe something more… personal,” Remus said, a hint of shyness in his voice.

Sirius’s breath caught. “You mean—”

Before he could finish, Remus leaned in, closing the gap between them, and pressed a soft kiss to Sirius’s lips. It was tentative at first, but then Sirius responded, melting into it, wrapping his arms around Remus’s waist.

When they finally pulled away, both were breathless, faces flushed. “Wow,” Sirius said, a grin spreading across his face. “I’m definitely going to need to update my notes on art appreciation.”

Remus chuckled, relief washing over him. “So, is this what they mean by ‘art in motion’?”

“Something like that,” Sirius replied, his eyes sparkling. “And I think I’d like to create a lot more art with you.”

With that, they stepped back into the gallery, hands intertwined, ready to explore both the masterpieces around them and the adventure unfolding between them.

[angelbunny206]

Why isn't Snape the herbology professor?

Because he can't keep Lilies alive.

Why does Snape shave?

Because he doesn't want to be Harry.

Why didn't Snape take art classes?

Because he didn't want to do Pottery.

He's really Sirius about that.

Too bad he's stuck, Remusniscing.

We wouldn't want that cycle Lupin.

He stays in at night because he wants nothing to do with the Mooney.

Why does Snape where all black?

Because Sirius hates his family.

Thank goodness he's a potions professor, or else he'd get too Snivelly.

[overlord-of-fantasy]

Hogwarts has a free day

Peter: Guys, they are clothing school tomorrow.

James: Jup, they shirt it down.

Remus: That socks.

Sirius: I was underwear of this.

[maispourqouuui]

Remus: Are you serious??

Sirius: [slow grin]

Remus: Sirius, I'm not kidding, this is a serious convers--

Remus: This is a *solemn* con--

Sirius: SOLEMN BLACK, everyone! Solemn Orion Black, at your service--