#single aspect of absolutely everything . which is not something i will ever be able to get but i would rly rly rly rly love if i could get

[itsalwaysdark]

i do think moving out and living ON MY OWN will be rly good 4 me not that im immensely suffering living with my famlly just i think i may be kind of a major control freak and also i RLY want to be able to make my achedule without having to worry abt other ppls schedules bc its hard 4 me to follow a schedule when everybody else absolutely does not have one At all . so living on my own will be good for me

[frankenkyle19]

Grownup Time

Kintober day 6: Kit Walker x reader get up to some fun while the kids are out trick or treating ;)

word count: 1.5k short one! Short and sweet! description/warnings: unprotected sex, quickie, smut, p in v penetration, uh that’s it I think? Very tame compared to some of my other fics

You met Kit Walker at one of the hardest points in his young life. Both the women he loved died, one murdered by the other and the other passing away in an asylum that he knew didn’t treat people right. He had first hand experience there sadly. Something he wasn’t too keen on sharing with others. Not even you. 

Now he was a single father, caring for two beautiful kids while also trying to work and support them. It was hard, really hard and everyone wondered when he’d get married again. 

He still wasn’t married, but he had a girlfriend. You. You didn’t need a ring on your finger to know how much you two loved each other. He was completely devoted to you and you loved him just as much.

His kids were absolutely precious and loved to spend time with you, instantly clinging to you as a mother figure that they hadn’t had in months. 

You moved in with Kit soon after you met, deciding it was the best for all of you, kids included. You’d be able to help around the house and with the kids, giving Kit some much needed rest while also being able to spend more time with him which was a win win.

Now, six whole months later you all had a set schedule as a family. Kit went to work, the kids went off to school and you’d cook dinner. Two days a week Kit would insist that he cook for the family and of course you let him. He looked beautiful in the kitchen leaning over a pot or pulling something out of the oven.

Everything was absolutely perfect. Except for one thing… You two barely had any time alone.

Sure maybe after the kids fell asleep but they were both very light sleepers and got up frequently in the night. The last thing you needed was for one of them to walk in on the two of you getting it on. 

You could realistically do it in the shower, but when Kit nearly slipped bending you over you two had called it quits and just finished cleaning up before drying off. It wasn’t for lack of trying. You two tried hard, but it seemed that every single time you made a move on each other the world had to be the biggest cockblock. 

Luckily for the two of you lovebirds, it was Halloween and that meant trick or treating which meant kids out of the house. 

Kit was a bit nervous to let the kids go off without him, but after some convincing and the knowledge that their friend's mother would be going along with them, he agreed.

It had been hard for him ever since Grace and Alma died. He was so worried for his kids in every aspect of their lives. The kids loved their father, but he was a bit overbearing at times. It all came from a place of love. Kit wouldn’t be able to survive if something happened to them. He’d already faced so much loss.

Kit had gotten off of work early that day to be able to see Thomas and Julia off, making sure that he talked with their friend’s mother and discussed where they’d be going. 

He kissed each child on the head, much to their dismay before waving them goodbye, watching as they walked off down the path to go trick or treating. Kit would be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little bit nervous.

You had made a roast for dinner that night, something simple but also something Kit loved. You were just about to finish up in the kitchen when he came up behind you, wrapping you in his large arms and squeezing gently, pressing a few kisses to your exposed neck.

A shiver ran up your spine as you subconsciously leaned back against him, sighing out a soft exhale of contentment. 

His body was warm and soft against yours… save for one thing.

“Kit Walker!” You exclaimed, turning around to face him.

“Are you hard?” You teased, looking down to see that he was in fact aroused. Not like he had much of a choice in how he felt. It’d been so long since he’d had you all to himself to even entertain the thought.

“It’s been so long suga’ just give me a bit of lovin’ yeah? The kids are gone, we’ve got the house all to ourselves for at least the next two hours.” He smiled softly, accent thick as he swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to. Of course you did. Who wouldn’t? 

You pulled him into a kiss, standing on your tiptoes as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest as he deepened the kiss. It was obvious how eager and desperate he was for this. 

The two of you stumbled out of the kitchen and into your shared bedroom, clothes coming off on the way there, the two of you tripping as you rushed to get your pants off.

You had no intention of taking things slow, despite having all the time in the world. You were much too worked up for any of that, and by the way Kit was panting, he wasn’t in the mood for slow either.

Kit’s large hands came behind you once your shirt was up and over your head, undoing your bra like he’d done so many times before, letting the straps slide down your arms before your breasts were freed.

Kit brushed the pad of his thumb over one of the hardening nipples, grinning. You shivered, arching into the touch. Just the simplest of touches had you so desperate for more.

Luckily for you, Kit was more than ready to give you anything your heart desired.

Your hand gently brushed over the bulge in his white boxers, causing him to throw his head back with a sigh, subtly bucking into the touch.

“Okay baby- ya gotta stop that or I’ll cum-“ he whined, cock twitching in his boxers as he pulled your hand away, shaking his head with a laugh.

“It’s been too long.” He mumbled as he pulled you into a kiss, practically ripping off your panties along with his underwear before positioning himself between your legs.

You reached down and gave his length a few strokes for good measure before he lined himself up with your entrance and pushed his length in.

It always hurt the first few moments with Kit, no matter how much you’d done it. He was well above average and you always needed time to adjust to his size.

Kit nearly collapsed over you at the feeling of your plush walls squeezing him so tightly, urging him deeper inside.

You gripped his hair in your hands and played with it absentmindedly as the two of you waited to adjust. Kit shook subtly against you, face buried in the crook of your neck.

“Baby- go ahead I’m ready.” You moaned out. He didn’t need to be told twice, already beginning to thrust in and out before you even finished your sentence.

Gripping onto his shoulders, your nails dug into his skin, sure to leave red marks tomorrow that he’d admire in the mirror each time he got changed. 

“Fuck baby, yer so tight. Damn-“ he groaned out, peppering kisses along your neck and collarbone, fucking into you at a much harsher pace now.

“Mmm Kit f-Fuck-“ You moaned out, his groin brushing against your clit with each thrust in, causing pleasure to surge through you, a tight dull ache forming in the pit of your stomach.

Kit sensed this change in you almost immediately and it made him weak in the knees. Making you cum was always such an honor for him, and god was he so, so good at it. 

“Close-“ You whined out, hips chasing his each time he pulled back to thrust once more.

“Yeah? Gonna cum fer me? Yeh you are. Good girl, my good girl.” He cooed, reaching down to rub circles against your clit.

You were so lost in the pleasure that the air was knocked out of your lungs when you did cum. You arched your back and cried out, biting down on your bottom lip nearly hard enough to draw blood as you writhed underneath Kit 

Seeing you like this was more than enough to trigger his own release and soon, a warmth filled you up from deep inside. Kit soon collapsed next to you, holding you close as he slipped out of you, his cum dripping onto the bedsheets that would now definitely need changed.

You both stayed silent for several moments, just panting, enjoying the after effects of your releases.

“We need to do that more often.” Kit breathed out with an exasperated chuckle, brushing your hair out of your face before pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.

“Well we still have a few more hours until the kids get home.” You grinned, rolling over to sit atop him, hands laying flat on his chest as you gave him a suggestive smirk.

“Oh baby-“ he cooed, his accent stronger now in his hazy state of pleasure as he held your hips.

Happy Halloween to the two of you. 

[sunfortune]

can I ask what bridgerton books you’ve read and if they’re worth it

i read “the viscount who loved me” yeeeeears ago. and it is still probably my fav regency romance novel. it’s not even perfect. i just loooved the characterizations. (they’ll NEVER make me hate you book kate) and i think the banter and slow burn in the first half of the book was SOOO good. and literally what so many romance novels LACK. bc insta-lust/love just doesn’t pack the same punch. i’m sorry

also i litchrally claimed kate as a women of color in my own delusions back when i was literally reading a standard White Ass Regency Romance Novel (BEFORE there was ever any show) bc i just loved kate that much. and was like WHOS gonna beat my ass⁉️ (this was after still star crossed lol) she was a woman of color. TO ME.

plus they described kate as “dark” and edwina as “fair” in the book a lot which i know just meant hair/eyes but i was like. slay! no take backs! LDMLSJSKSJ

(so despite everything about the way the show did kate i did absolutely WIN in that aspect)

next. the second book i read was “romancing mister bridgerton”. (again. this is before there was ever a show) bc i liked the little of penelope i saw in kanthonys book. but then. well. reading that book is when i realized “the viscount who loved me” might have been a fluke bc WHAT in the world. “romancing mister bridgerton” was just 350 pages of penelope getting dogged by the boringest MOST bitchless man on earth. the way she PINED for colin from literally page 1. PAGE ONE. but the book doesn’t spend a SINGLE second making him compelling in ANY way, shape or form was MIND boggling. AND THEN gave him the audacity to treat HER like shit⁉️

and the WHOLE TIME the book is like they’re friends to lovers btw!!! hehe <333. NO THEY WERENT! DONT piss me off rn. that man was NOT her friend. he was nice to her ONLY when he deemed her below him. and as soon as he found out she had success in something he didn’t, it was immediate disdain and disrespect for her. that’s not a friend?!

ALL WHILE! she falls all over herself bc of how bad she wants him. i wanted to get her the fuck out of her OWN romance when i was reading that book. i could not believe what it was selling as real true love. garbage

next. i was debating if i should check out another book after that mess. bc i didn’t know if the other were also bad. and eventually just decided to start from the beginning (moment of silence 😞) and pulled up “the duke and i” and then as im reading the synopsis i stumble on a review detailing the plot and that describes the actual sexual assault in that book that gets played off as romance.

aaand i have NOT touched another bridgerton book since

i Have heard eloise’s book and romance is awful by mutuals who have read them all. and benedict’s is not very great either. francesca’s book may be the only worthy follow up to tvwlm. those 2 are generally considered the better ones of the series.

i’m still recovering from the ones i have read though so wont be able to confirm any time soon

in conclusion:

the viscount who loved me (my best friend still idc. not perfect but very gorgeous to me)

romancing mister bridgerton (hot garbage. argue with your mother)

the duke and i (burning books is not always bad. it would be fine here)

[miodiodavinci]

anyway as for the long and short of how i'm doing currently (mostly the long)

so two weeks ago i sprained my wrist at work lifting boxes, and it's been a slow recovery even with the help of a brace, stretches, rice buddies, and ice packs. i've had to basically put a lot of my hobbies on hold because i've been saving what little i can do with my wrist for all the job prep i need to do on the weekends (i.e. making flyers, updating spreadsheets, creating presentations, moving more boxes, etc...)

hobbies are even further on hold at this point because this last week i injured my shoulder as well, and i can feel that my ankle is getting ready to go with it. i'm doing what i can to minimize the damage (i.e. got a work cart, have had coworkers come with me to storage, actually sitting down and resting when i'm on break, etc...) but there's not a lot that can be done considering these are Core Aspects of my job and my contract goes until spring (and also like. whole complex situation where i can't leave without screwing over myself and a lot of people i care about)

it's a shit situation all around, but at the very least i'm getting paid a reasonable amount and it's covering my expenses jfgjksdhkfg

(though for all the work i do, god oh god i wish it was doing more than just covering my expenses)

having to take a break from my hobbies has put me in a weird headspace, though. or like it's less of a weird headspace and more that there's finally this pause that has me reevaluating what i want to do in my spare time

i've been consumed by work for the past like four years of my life, this last year was kind of the culmination of that. between completing my internship, finishing my degree, surviving The Horror (read: had a really, truly horrifying cancer scare last year), doing the yamaha collab, and taking care of the flurry of job-hunting stuff that needed to be done post-graduation, i don't know if i actually got a chance to so much as breathe until august

. . . . except in august i immediately collapsed and rotted the entire month away skjdfhgkhsdf

i'm burnt out, i think. like. genuinely, really severely burnt out. the more i think about it, the more i feel like i just need a year of doing nothing.

just. absolutely nothing.

which i've told myself in the past. several times. always in a big showy way. so much so that i feel silly saying it now because i've been saying it for years in the descriptions of my videos and in posts on my blog.

"i'm tired of being beholden to past me!! this year, i'm letting go of my expectations for myself and just doing what i want!!" (<< this user has said this at least 7 separate times and has failed to make good on it every single time)

but i think why i've never been able to follow through is because in spite of all the dropping projects that no longer interested me and not feeling obligated to see everything through, i still held on to the expectation that at the end of it, i'd still post something. but like.

i think posting doesn't really matter to me as much anymore??? if at all???

which isn't to say "i'm putting my foot down and never creating any new vocaloid work ever again," but it's also like. i can't let myself sit with the expectation of "yeah i'll just make things for fun!! and when they're done, i'll post them!!' because that changes the focus from making something for me into making something for others to see, which is. a different beast to care for skdjfgklhsdlfg

i keep seeing a lot of things where i have the opportunity to keep building on what rice and i were able to make as part of the yamaha collab: alternate box arts, matching galaco design, cool new english covers featuring bespoke cover art of the new designs but when i think of starting those, i feel utterly drained, and when i think of how i'll feel once they're finished, i imagine it'll be akin to "alright, i've checked that off the list. what's the next thing i should do not disappear and be a failure?"

. . . . . which is really, really separate from doing things as a hobby because they make me happy OTL

this past year i've really reconnected with my close friends (in part because i stopped having time to scroll online and didn't want anyone to know when i was online because i legitimately did not have the energy to respond) and i've noticed i really truly enjoy just batting around our ocs with each other so more than i've enjoyed any of the vocaloid work that i've put out in the past five years skjfghldkfg

i've been doing vocaloid things for over ten years now, and the collaboration with yamaha was quite literally something i couldn't have even dreamed of, much less imagined it would have just fallen into my lap the way it did. coming off the end of it and my internship though, there's this feeling that's been building for years now where it feels like the effort i put in is just not proportional to the satisfaction i get out of it. it feels more like something i'm supposed to do otherwise i'd just be squandering all the work i've put in and all the attention i've gotten.

. . . . . . i just want to live man 😂 i'm caught in a mental tangle that feels difficult to unravel. spring mio was at the end of his fucking rope, but fall mio is finally has the time to sit down with the slack and is wondering if it's worth it to keep pulling for all i'm worth when i can always just go over to my friend's house and have a funny little sleep over (metaphorical or literal both apply)

i'm not decided by any means but i'm definitely thinking about it.

it's the fact that it's been 2 years since i've released salvador, and i went into it thinking i'd be cool and professional about it, with lots of covers and frequent updates because i used to make lots of UTAU covers in high school, but then i got paralyzed by all the "shoulds" wrapped up in the process and i just. stopped working.

when i say i want to make X cover of Y song, am i really saying that i want to go out of my way to do all these things?? or am i just imagining what momentary satisfaction i'll feel to see another thumbnail on my channel??

...

(face in hands) this ended up being. a lot fucking longer than i meant for it to be jksdfhlkghsdkfg

hopefully most people have clicked away by this point w

it's the tear between the things i genuinely want (making things with friends that stay between us friends) the things i kind of want out of necessity (opening up commissions so i can supplement my income), the things i said i'd do and can't back out now on, and the things i told myself i would do but can't really must up plenty of positive emotions about (but can feel plenty of frightful, guilty emotions when i think of not doing them)

i'll figure it out eventually. even in the worst case scenario, i plan to keep my accounts up as archives, so it's not like my work will go anywhere w i'd still want it to be there once i decide i'm ready to come back to it w

[delicatebatharmony]

Do I like perpetually single Dick Grayson? I think I might like perpetually single Dick Grayson 🤔🤔

LOOK, I’ve never thought him and Babs were great! I think they’re both too much of the same to actually be compatible! Well, Dick can loosen up and have fun, but he’s a workaholic! Nightwing (which is his mode most of the time honestly) is not able to do that! When working they clash soooo much in some (a lot of?) ways, and when do they ever stop working? lol

Also I haven’t read much BoP but I wanna check out Babs and Dinah….

I DO like Dick and Kori pretty well but since I skipped n52 and am just now in rebirth I can’t say much for anyone else he’s been shoved together with.

It’s just something about married-to-his-work Dick Grayson seems so fitting for him…

I could see him and Wally I think though. And people make good arguments for him and Roy! It’s just that I’m not absolutely convinced about any of his canonical relationships, and I haven’t dived deep into fanfic (or my own thoughts) for some non-canonical options.

Or, oooor we could go the entiiiiire other way and put him in a joyful, supportive polyamorous relationship. He gets aaaall the people and aaaall the love. Although would that stretch his capacity with more people? Or would that put less pressure on him to show up all the time and be everything to one person? 🤔 I’ve only ever been in mono relationships so feel free to share if you have experiences with poly relationships!

Maybe it’s just that I don’t see him with a person (or people) who isn’t ALSO tied to their work and couldn’t understand/accept that aspect of him?

[beevean]

Clutch: I made you heroes >:(

Surge hit some dude at a casual racing event. Who cares?

Surge and Kit being scared of Clutch makes zero sense no matter what angle you look at it from. Surge can rapid fire lightning bolts, and Kit can break apart giant robots with his water tendrils. Clutch is literally just some guy. The comic desperately wants viewers to see Clutch as the greatest danger of all time, but there's absolutely nothing to back it up.

There is quite literally nothing in the story keeping Surge from hurting Clutch. She simply left him unharmed because the story didn't want her to hurt him.

Everything in this comic is artificial and forced. Nothing is authentic or immersive. Every single aspect of every character interaction occurs purely because the writers forced things to be that way.

I just remembered that in issue 53 Surge was extremely scared of the Starline hallucination she saw and still tried fighting it Meanwhile, Clutch gets in Surge's face and bosses her around, which angers her to the point of shaking in place, and she just doesn't do anything Clutch has the most obscene plot armor of any sonic character ever made

I'm just in awe that they're weakening Surge, fan-favorite Surge, super cool and badass and girlbad Surge, spotlight-stealing Surge, for the sake of a bozo who probably has 5 fans in the whole fandom.

Who thought it was a good idea?

Ah but I'm sure fans are still happy because oh noooo poor widdle bapy surge she's so scawed and twaumatized :pleading_face:

I, reader, know that Clutch can't die yet. But I shouldn't be able to see the story behind the scenes. Surge needs a good reason for not killing Clutch after he started to taunt her in a Starline-like way. Anything, maybe she and Kit got depowered, maybe he has some machinery that can vaporize them, something that answers the question "why is Surge allowing some rando to boss her around, the thing that she hates the most after Sonic?" and is not "because the plot needs him to be alive".

[aroacewxs]

in commemoration of curtain call coming to global soon (my tiering hell begins in roughly 2 weeks), can we take a moment to think about the flower imagery in this event + miscellaneous info about rui that relates to this flower imagery. i may be reaching. Keep That In Mind. these are all just my personal interpretations :D also im not very articulate!!!!! and a good chunk of this is rambling!!!!! Thank You For Your Patience.

we all know that rui is on the greening committee! he absolutely adores nature, every single leaf that sprouts from whatever he plants and nurtures. he has read and literally memorized encyclopedias about poisonous plants as a kid and can now classify them at one glance.

additionally. do we also remember in his initial 1* card story where rui throws a caterpillar at tsukasa because he was about to step on one of the flowers (ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED, I TELL YOU. BUT ODDLY HEARTWARMING).

and then he just:

okay, jay. well, that has nothing to do with wxs and how much they mean to this loser.

what if i reminded you about the. The wxs coloured flowers.

andddd oh oh oh the actual lyrics to donketsu aka the song that changed my fucking life

Don't let the petals wither or let them fall

The flowers of the bouquet I held close to my heart

flowers in this case refer to the fruit that has sprouted for rui from having met wxs: being able to slowly open up to others (a whole other aspect of his character that requires an entire essay atp), bringing the shows he thought he would never be able to perform with others to life, and overall just. everything that he's been able to accomplish because he met wxs and has them supporting him by his side.

during curtain call, he was conflicted between two choices: rejecting an offer from one of the most famous theatre troupes in the country to continue performing with wxs, or leaving wxs and abandoning his position as their director in order to chase new heights and achieve his goal. his goal being to create shows that touch and connect people no matter who they are and where they're from. which will be made possible by joining the network of connections and unthinkable amount of budget and materials arkland has.

rui knew that the rational choice was joining arkland. but a part of him, buried deep inside his heart, still wants to perform with wxs. they have brought so much meaning into his life. he would do anything to keep a smile on their faces and goes to unimaginable lengths to protect them. without a director, wxs would fall apart. it's something that has been repeated ever since their main story: wxs is possible because the 4 of them are there together.

so if you look at it that way, the flowers in the bouquet can also be the members of wxs, too. if rui left, everything that they have achieved together "would be reduced to rubble." they would not be the same. and that goes for if tsukasa left, if emu left, if nene left.

to sum it up: not only does rui think of wxs as precious treasures that never stop shining, but also as beautiful flowers with the ability to make him smile by simply existing. they mean that much to him.

sedate me now

[i-ideate]

my lightning thief musical review!

Holy crap. It was such a fantastic performance! It was run by the undergrads there, from what I know, and it really showed. Full review under read more!

The multi-rolling and improvisation was executed perfectly. I loved the costumes. OMG the costumes I could go on for DAYS!!! The bits for Chiron and the Minotaur were made so well, and the set was great too!

The girl playing grover stole the show for me. She has such admirable control over her voice, and she did the majority of the first act in heels! Most of the girls also had some form of corset on, more for style. Plus, she was so good at the comedic aspect of her character! Even when the attention wasn't on her, she was doing something goofy, always getting a giggle from the crowd.

The girl playing Clarisse/medusa was also fantastic. She took on the character so well! She had this intense concentration the entire performance.

The girl playing Hades/Dionysus/Mrs. Dodds also did fantastic. She messed up her lines a few times, mostly in songs, but she improvised in character so well that I barely noticed!

My favorite song is tied between DOA and Drive. The actor for Luke changed his costume like 3 times for that in seconds, and was able to take on a completely different character with different accents and everything each time! The set, lighting, acting, and blocking was just wow for that scene!

DOA was probably the best in terms of engagement. The actress playing Charon also played Katie and some of the monsters, and she had such a fun take on each character! She was so comfortable on stage and so expressive! She didn't break once, which I definitely would for some of the things she did as Charon! The choreography was also swell, and the lighting was so fun. All in all, this was probably my favorite non-professional production ever. Every single person involved was having so much fun - the audience, the stagehands, the actors. I'd post pictures of the set, but it was completely original and I don't want people to find out where I live lol. I also wanna say that just because I didn't mention them that doesn't mean the other actors didn't do good. Everyone was absolutely fantastic, I just a: didn't want to yammer too much and b: wanted to focus on my personal favorites. If you want to know more about some of the bits like characters or set just reblog or do an ask and I'm down to tell you more about the show in another post! Thank's y'all for reading - unless anything shows up for summer (yay it's summer break for me!), the next show review should be Chicago, then Oliver! at my school!

[thelostacademicblog]

Goals Are So Big and I Am Not

Or the one where Finn gets off-topic and rambles about music

Well, university is finally hitting that level of difficulty that they told me about in high school. Last semester, I was able to breeze through and only really focus on two classes. This semester is a different story. All of my classes are major classes, and I’m actually feeling academically challenged for once. It’s tiring and hard, but I know it will be worth it.

The part I’m really struggling with is every other aspect of life. Like many others, I’ve been in and out of jobs since the summer. I have a really hard time doing anything outside of working, so I either have to focus on work (including school) or my domestic duties. Not only that, but I have been thinking I’m autistic for a long time, even more so after my brother was diagnosed. Knowing if I have autism would put this struggle into perspective and make me feel like less of a failure, but I don’t plan to pursue an official diagnosis for a myriad of reasons. So, I guess I’ll never actually know.

Currently, I have a tutoring gig lined up that will hopefully hold me over until the summer. In the meantime, I’ve been looking at different seasonal positions and internships, but they pay nothing. It’s absolutely baffling to me that I can make more working at the local gas station, but the jobs I need for a career are expecting me to live on scraps or a wage of experience. I’m never moving out at this rate.

I should reach out for support because my tuition pays for it and everything, but it’s scary. I don’t even know what I’m scared of… it’s just scary. (Asking for help, I guess?) There’s free counseling services, and I’ve been looking to go back to therapy (even though I despise it — more on that later), but how can I trust that it won’t affect my academics. They’re not supposed to break contracts, but none of these institutions have ever been particularly good to queer people. Regardless, it would be my only option since my lovely insurance ran out already. (Pros of living with a disabled family in America!!)

There’s also the fact that it’s all so overwhelming. Every single office is in a different building, and there are jobs I didn’t even know existed! There’s a difference between research and internships? It’s frustrating when my socially anxious self finally is brave enough to talk to my advisor only to be told to walk across campus (in the -3 ℉ weather) to see someone else. Right now, I’m thinking I should go see the career center to check out my resume and see what job options there are for my major, but it’s all very daunting and makes me want to shrivel up into an albino raisin.

It’s well known that I hate work and want to be a forever student, but I know it’s not possible because I wasn’t born to billionaires. Another well known fact is that I kind of hate my major and have breakdowns about it all the time. I originally chose bio because my whole life I had wanted to go into veterinary medicine. I had spent my entire K-12 career researching, prepping, and volunteering in preparation for this. After many wrenches in my plans, which you can read about in My Academic Journey, I quickly learned I can’t handle the high stress environment of veterinary medicine. When it came time to transfer, I decided to keep bio as my major because it’s familiar, diverse, and I’m good at it, but now I’m left scrambling to figure out what I’m going to do for the next 15 or so years of my life by 2027.

My current plan is to just intern and volunteer until I find something I’ll be okay enough with; knowing I will inevitably change careers at some point. Unfortunately, all careers that would bring me joy and be a good fit are not the ones that make money. I think work-life balance is the biggest priority if I’ll be stuck in a job I hate. Maybe two part-time jobs could be a good fit?

Honestly, my true passion lies in music, sociology, and writing. At the moment, my dream career would be a music journalist/historian for alternative bands. Unfortunately, I have the worst social anxiety in the world and would rather die than approach even a local band. There are a few running jokes (are they even jokes anymore?) about me and my music. The first is that I’m going to marry a musician, even though I’d never tour because I hate travel. Another is that my job is only to fund my concert addiction. I am in fact at concerts at least six months out of the year. (I already have three major ones lined up, and I am saving up for another.)

The current plan is to just write a little music blog on the side (kind of like this one) and maybe one day I’ll magically get picked up by a university or publisher. I’ve written for the school paper in the past, but it feels very high stakes. I had never done anything like it before and was brand new to interviewing, APA format, and leaving my work to an unknown editor. I’ll need to work back up to that. Submitting on someone else’s timeline is rough on top of the 60 hours we are expected to spend on studying.

Not to stroke my own ego, but I truly believe I could find a gap to fill in music writing. I love staying up way too late at night scouring message boards on The Internet Archive to find groupie stories. They’re often a very misunderstood group, and I fully intend to write a long essay about it once I compile all my research. In fact, I just recently picked up Pamela Des Barres’ books at the local bookstore after probably freaking out the owner by stimming so hard. Also, nobody talks about the boy bands of the 2000s having groupies, but they did!! Other than that, very few publications follow small punk and industrial bands or give the history of dead bands. I don’t care about the Dave Grohl drama, but please tell me about that one song TikTok found in a porn video.

Unfortunately for me, passions (especially art) don’t pay the bills, so I’m stuck looking in bright microscopes that hurt my eyes just to keep a roof over my head. Perhaps I’ll find a way to get closer to my dream via a master’s degree, but that’s for future me to work out. Until then, I will stare at the blinking cursor in outlook and pray that it gives me the courage to reach out for the help I need to navigate the labyrinth called university.

[rollinouttahere]

Devil’s in the Details

Miguel O’hara x fem!Reader

1.7k words

I should definitely be working on other fics right now, but after finally getting to see the new spiderverse movie I needed to write this and get it out of my system. I didn’t necessarily write this with him being yandere in mind, but it can easily be interpreted that way. Also I know that it’s debatable if the version of himself that he replaced even was spider-man, but I felt like it worked best for this fic if he was. Might do a part 2 later.

It's the little things, you know?

When you make the commitment to marry someone, you sign yourself up to learn every single seemingly unimportant detail there is to know.

From more overt things like how they take their coffee, to something as minute as what section of the grocery store they like to go to first. It's not until you've learned these little personal quirks that you feel like you truly understand them. At least that's how you feel. 

That's why it was so bothersome when these little things suddenly changed. 

Despite how hectic his life was, Miguel was ultimately what you would call a creature of habit. He had his routines and habits and was absolutely loathed to change them. You suppose he took comfort in being able to control the smaller aspects of his life. 

The first thing you noticed was something so minor, that you would have felt stupid pointing it out. 

He put his socks on in the wrong order. Usually he did the left foot first, then the right. However, one morning he started with the right foot. 

You couldn’t help but stare, which Miguel picked up on almost immediately. His red eyes glanced up through his hair to lock with yours. He quirked a brow at you, “Is everything alright, mi vida?”

Embarrassed to be caught gawking, you scramble to come up with an excuse, because you were absolutely not going to admit this was over the order that he put his socks on. That was probably considered a weird thing to pay attention to. Your parents did always say you were too observant for your own good. 

“Oh, I just couldn’t help but notice that there’s a hole in that sock,” you strutted closer to him as he quickly looked down to try and find what you were referring to. He didn’t see anything and looked back up at you questioning, only for you to bop him on the nose, “Ha! Made you look!”

Briefly, his eyes widened in surprise, but then relaxed as he chuckled, “Aren’t you in a funny mood today?”

“Always am!” You giggled and returned to the process of getting ready for the day. 

It wasn’t important. For all you know, you were misremembering and he had put them on in the typical order. Yeah, that was definitely it. You were feeling pretty drowsy today, it only makes sense that your brain would confuse something minor like this. 

You let it go.

At least, you tried to.

Even if you did let the sock thing go, more inconsistencies popped up. It was always something small, but as the days ticked by, it added up and weighed on you. The slight changes to his speech patterns, him kissing the wrong side of your face in the morning, doing insignificant things in slightly different orders, it was all getting under your skin.

There was another problem. You felt like you couldn’t talk about any of these because almost all of the changes were either so tiny that it felt silly to talk about, or they were improvements to how things used to be. That’s not to say that you felt like your husband was dropping the ball before, but now he was so much more attentive that you didn’t know what to make of it.

You knew what you were getting into way before you ever said ‘I do’. Miguel isn’t your average Joe with a typical 9 to 5. He’s a workaholic scientist whose side hustle is being Spider-Man, you knew full well that there were going to be plenty of times where things simply wouldn’t work out the way you wanted it to. Super villains aren’t exactly known for respecting that the heroes they’re fighting had dinner plans that evening. It’s okay though, you understood. You loved him enough to not let something like that cause problems in your relationship. 

So why was him suddenly making more time to spend with you and your daughter bothering you? Why couldn’t you just be happy and grateful? Gabriella certainly was, yet you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

Finally, though, there was a slip up even you couldn’t ignore or let go.

It happened one evening when he had taken you out to a nice restaurant for a date night. Not just any restaurant, your favorite. Miguel didn’t have the time to take you there very often, but that just made the instances where he did all the more special.

This restaurant had a particular dish that you thought was to die for, it was literally the only thing you ever ordered when you were here. When something is that good, you don’t want to risk trying something new and not liking it as much.

Before the waiter could come and take your order, nature called. You stood up from your seat, “I’m gonna go use the restroom, could you order for me if the waiter comes back before I do?”

“Of course, what do you want?”

You paused and looked at him like he’d grown a second head. The guy who teased you for having the most predictable order ever was asking what you wanted, and he looked completely serious. There was no coyness in his expression or sarcasm in his tone.

You forced out a laugh, he must be more stone-faced than usual today, “Very funny, dear. My usual, the thing I always order when we’re here.”

Briefly, panic flashed across his face. It was so fleeting that you would have missed it had you so much as blinked, but you definitely saw it. Luck appeared to be on his side, though, because that’s when the waiter arrived. Immediately, Miguel prompted you to order first.

Something was definitely wrong here, and that exchange confirmed it.

After that, you felt more justified in analyzing all those little discrepancies. Granted, you weren’t sure what you were hoping to find. You had no clue what could possibly be going on. Miguel has forgotten things in the past. He’s a busy guy, having plans slip his mind was hardly unexpected, but not remembering a detail about you was unheard of.

The issue, one of many, was that you weren’t even sure what you were looking for. You can’t imagine that he’s keeping secrets. He’s told you about his superhero persona, what could possibly be more under lock and key than that? Cheating is out of the question too, you know he would never.

Maybe it was brain damage? He did get thrown around a lot, it certainly felt plausible, but you couldn’t recall any serious head injuries lately.

Researching on the internet didn’t help much either. The articles you found were either all about cheating or capgras syndrome. You didn’t feel like you had capgras syndrome, the idea that your husband was replaced by an imposter was stupid. Even if one of his enemies had some bullshit power that allowed them to impersonate Miguel, they’d only do it long enough to take you or Gabriella hostage. Why keep up an act for this long? What would there be to gain? It didn’t make sense.

Basically, you were at square one.

That brings you to today. He forgot his lunch at home and you took it upon yourself to bring it to him. Despite all the oddities, you still loved him dearly and were excited to check in on him at work. You made your way down the familiar hallways of Alchemax with a skip in your step and some extra food for yourself, hoping to be able to have lunch together.

Without knocking, you throw open the door to his office. Miguel was watching something on a holoscreen, but dismissed it so quickly that you didn’t get a chance to see what it was.

Well that’s suspicious.

“Hi, honey! You forgot your lunch again, so I was thinking we could eat together!” You held up and gently shook the lunches for emphasis.

His initially startled expression morphed into a warm smile, “I knew I was forgetting something.” He turned away from whatever it was he was working on to face you properly, happily accepting the hug and kiss on the cheek you gave him. “You’re too good for me.”

You lightly slapped his arm, “Aw, don’t say that!”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but was cut off by his AI assistant popping up. “Miguel, someone is here to see you.”

“I can see that, she’s already in here,” he rolled his eyes.

“Not her, there’s someone… “non-local” here to see you... It’s important,” Lyla went so far as to make air quotations when she said non-local. You’re not sure why someone not being from around here was such a big deal. Lots of people don’t live in Neuva York.

His face hardened momentarily, but he forced it to relax when his gaze switched back to you, “I’ll be right back.”

With that, he hurried out the door, leaving you alone in the office. You gently put the lunches down, took a quick glance of your surroundings, and then scurried over to where his holoscreens were. Finally, finally, you might have a clue as to what’s going on with Miguel.  

Lucky for you, he didn’t take the time to lock it before swiping it away. You pull them up with bated breath, not sure what you were going to find but anticipating it nonetheless. The screen stalled and buffered for a split second before resuming what it was displaying previously.

It was a video from your wedding. During the reception while you two were cutting the cake. While Miguel had the decency to not smear the cake across your face, you weren’t so merciful and scooped some icing off your slice to wipe on his nose. He definitely let you have that, his reflexes were too good for you to have actually caught him off guard.

The warmth in your heart from seeing the fond memory was quickly replaced by the heavy weight of guilt. What the hell were you doing? You went snooping because he was acting a little weird, and all you caught him in was watching home videos at work. 

Maybe… Maybe you were over reacting. Imagining things, even. In his lines of work, it makes sense that he’s going to act a little weird or forget things sometimes. You dismissed the screens and resolved to let your suspicions go for the time being. There was no rush to go prying into what little private time he had like this.

It’s not like the world was going to end tomorrow or anything.

[krisseratops]

Hi! How about A9, B9 and C6? Oh, and D10!

Hiiii hon! Alright lets see...

A9. Who was your first ship?

The earliest ship I remember that I got actually invested in is Reaper76 from Overwatch. I mean, traumatized old gay men who like to shoot at each other and have a HistoryTM? It covers all the basics for me. Also this ship is what made me find AO3, so it kinda introduced me to fandom as a whole and is therefore technically responsible for all the madness that came after it.

B9. Who is your OTP?

You know, I was going to say this is a hard question because I have so many pairings I like in several fandoms and I dont really pick favorites because I like different aspects about them and also Im indecisive. And then I remembered Symbrock. And nothing really comes near the level of absolutely messy devotion of (comics!)Symbrock. So yeah.

C6. Is there anything in canon that made you want to quit the show? What was it? Why do you hate it?

Oh boy, here we go... So not a show, but allllll the shit Cates did with absolute garbage & co and what came after essentially made me quit venom comics and comics in general. Do I even need to explain myself? Like I was keeping up with Venom and also Spider-man and some others because it was fun and enjoyable. And then came the egregious retconning, inconsistencies, character butchering (both how they were written but also literally), characters dying and coming back and dying again and coming back again and fucking gods apparently and how every single issue was The Most Shocking And Dramatic Things The Characters Have Ever Been Through and everything is just edgy and grimdark and angsty and so fucking STUPID and it was just. It wasnt fun or enjoyable anymore, only exhausting and frustrating and sad. And not sad like a sad story makes you feel, but sad like watching something you care about irreparably crash and burn in real time without being able to do anything about it and knowing you can never have it back the way it was (which there is enough of IRL). So I powered through until king in black where I just said "reading this bullshit is draining and depressing and doesnt bring me anything, its not worth it anymore so fuck it" and just stopped. And with my main reason for reading comics gone I ditched marvel comics altogether because lets be honest keeping up with all the different stories and timelines and crossovers and whatnot is exhausting cuz theres just so damn much going on all the time. And why torment yourself with shitty canon when you can have wonderful fanfics tailored to your specific tastes all for free? So I quit comics, read fics instead, got into some new fandoms, indulged my hc and have ever since been living blissfully unaware of the burning dumpster fire (derogatory) that is canon. I only see glimpses of it when it crosses my dash, which I use for cherrypicking for my hc and aggressively ignore the rest.

D10. What is one story idea you really want to read but no one has written yet?

I have a whole lot of story ideas I really want to read (my hcs) that no one has written yet (that would be cuz of me not writing them). But for real, I would love more stories with symbiote & spider-people shenanigans. Like there was this one comic of Peter, Miles and Gwen meeting Venom and fighting Doc Ock toghether and they were kinda buddies? More stuff like that, that has spider/symbiote interaction besides them just trying to kill each other. Maybe it exists and I just havent found it. But like, Venom in spiderverse, they have to team up with the spider gang and they kinda get along because he doesnt have any personal beef with them. He will absolutely recite and discuss Shakespear with that medieval spiderman, be enamored with little Mayday, and be nothing but gentlemanly toward spider ma'am. The other spiders find that "yeah he is freaky and has some dubious morals but isnt actually just an evil monster, he just doesnt like you Peter". The Peter in question does not like it one bit. Him and Venom (barely) tolerate each other, as they always do when they team up, but are constantly petty and passive aggressive towards each other in a funny way, bickering like an old married couple. Because of the nature of their history they also know stuff about each other and will casually drop highly personal details about the other that makes the other spiders go "👀 you sure he's your enemy and not just your ex?". Which Peter likes even less. Other story ideas i desperately need is ANYTHING WITH ANTI-VENOM HOLY SHIT WHERE IS MY BABY!?!?!?! I need stories that let him be a silly dumbass and a pathetic wet beast and occasionally getting railed that dont just exist in my head. But the amount of content on him is just dismal. I often feel like the sole inhabitant of the ghost town that is the Anti-Venom fandom. I've come across one (1) quality fic that portrays him properly (thank you @kitausuret for your invaluable service) and good art is hard to come by compared to other characters. And I realize that if I want more art of him and an Anti-Venom x Agent Venom arch-enemies-to-reluctant-allies-to-even-more-reluctant-friends-to-how-the-hell-did-this-happen excruciating slow burn, I will probably have to do it myself, which hghgnghgnhhh will take forever, but oh well.

Well, this sorta turned into an essay that turned into an impromptu vent post. Hope thats okay and you got your answers!

[adelle-ein]

rambling about the ocd

so yeah yesterday not only did my ocd therapist tell me i have the highest ocd score she's ever seen (and like, she is not a new or inexperienced practitioner by any means) she told me that apparently a lot of my thought and behavior patterns are obsessive-compulsive. and a lot of them tie back to really extreme morality ocd, which actually explains a lot about the ways i've acted my entire life that were just brushed off as weird/quirky/generically anxious. even my other ocd "types" (contamination, etc) are all manifestations of severe morality ocd (i fear various forms of contamination because it makes me immoral, essentially) (that's fun).

i really didn't think it was that bad. i didn't think it was especially bad at all, truth be told, just one of the many diagnoses that make up my weirdness. but actually it's probably been the root cause for everything all along, including stuff i dismissed as just my own weirdness, like the extreme sensory processing stuff that's developed lately (fwiw i bought some new water bottles and significantly improved my hydration so working towards recovery on that). but since i don't have any compulsions that cause myself visible physical harm i didn't think it could be Real ocd. like i don't handwash to a dangerous level or self harm or starve myself, so i thought it was okay (nvm that i have caused myself extreme and permanent-feeling mental damage lol)

i've been perpetually exhausted, 24/7, since i was fourteen. because my brain's been at constant war with itself and still is and inhibits everything i do. because every single action i take is like moving through a molasses of obsessive thoughts and finishing compulsive rituals. my self esteem is somewhere in the marianas trench bc i feel like i'm constantly violating moral norms 24/7. the drugs that allow me even basic function worsen the fatigue and the brain fog and the weakness, but i need them or i literally can't stop doing compulsions. like if they stop making it or something i would need 24/7 care from my parents again bc i wouldn't be able to feed myself or shower or sleep.

i had been wondering a lot the last couple of years if i was autistic, especially with the sensory stuff, but it's now dawning on me that i just have the absolute worst fucking ocd that manifests itself in literally every aspect of my behavior and thought patterns. it looks very autistic on a surface level and gets me a high raads-r score, but probably isn't. like i could still be autistic, sure, but it's most likely that i just have incredibly severe ocd with every "less common" side effect known to man - sensory issues, routine and planning, social anxiety, stimming, etc etc. i did know that ocd/autism/adhd symptom overlap is huge but not that it was this huge.

none of this really changes anything, like i still need treatment, she's still gonna see me, but like, fucking hell. even i had been downplaying how sick i was, and probably still am, like even now i'm like well it can't be THAT bad i'm not dead :) but it is that bad. it's insanely bad. it's far worse than the "well everyone's kinda anxious and depressed right?" standard i keep tricking myself into believing i am. even now i'm STILL fucking questioning it bc i see people with ocd who seem so much worse than me but really i think that's more about what people are willing to put on the internet....i do not share my worst obsessions and compulsions generally and even when speaking privately to people i still downplay things heavily, i just can't do it. i'm extremely good at masking and hiding and downplaying because i've been doing it my whole life and a lot of my compulsive behaviors look pretty normal from the outside...but they're still very bad and the obsession levels are out of control high. and i've been doing so badly lately that i've had to step back from social media a lot because literally everything is a severe trigger at this point, from fandom drama to serious political stuff, because i get caught in a severe mental morality feedback loop every time i see something that can trigger it which is now a lot of things. but the stepping back also triggers a morality loop wheeeeeee (i see a ukraine flag emoji and have to sit there processing extremely distressing Moral Thoughts about ukraine and the war, for like...a while. to give you an idea of how severe it's gotten and why i've absolutely had to go quiet and careful with how i interact with pretty much everything, esp online where extreme positions are really common. i'm also really prone to picking up other people's anxieties and compulsions rn so again have to be SUPER careful what i look at - a tumblr poll about cleaning habits or similar can trigger compulsive behavior...)

it would be super cool if the ssa had cared about any of this but that ship's long sailed and they don't believe in or speak with therapists anyway (at least not in my state, they refused to even contact my therapist for the review they kicked me out over. even MD mental health practitioners aren't really exempt, they treated my psychiatrist incredibly rudely...)

but yeah no wonder i'm so dysfunctional and struggling so badly if i'm this abnormally ill ig

[flecksey]

PIKMIN 4 THOUGHTS (spoiler free)

I've now officially completed Pikmin 4 (still working on platinums tho) and it's everything I ever wanted and more. There's always going to be a few nitpicks but it's hard to focus on them in light of the absolute love for the franchise on display. It genuinely feels like a fangame at times with the way it uses ideas from 1 and 2. 2 especially gets a lot of love, with this game clearly being a sequel to it in many aspects. In some ways it makes the differences all the more obvious, with certain formerly imposing creatures being easily taken down in this entry, but there's a joy to it as well. Basically everything I could have hoped for has been included, from the Piklopedia to a couple notable unlocks. There's even a few surprises I ended up loving, such as one endgame power up that has me roaming the levels just for the fun of it. 

I'll say that the timeline weirdness is... fine? They're clearly poking at the seams throughout the game, it even contradicts itself at one point. Much like the repeated crashes it adds an air of uncertainty and superstition that I don't think needs to be concretely explained. I'm a Zelda Timeline hater so if this is their way of saying they don't feel Pikmin needs a consistent timeline I'm all for it. All of the enemy lore is still intact so I don't see any issues.

Very curious to see what's next for this series and even just this game. It's pretty meaty so I don't feel DLC is necessary but I'm sure we'll at least see an update or two. More frequent Pikmin games is always the hope, though I'm fine with this being the newest game for a while. I also expect at least a secret or two to be found, given the series' track record. 2 especially had quite a few, so if this game loves 2 as much as it proclaims to then I'm sure there's something hiding in it. I did see an alternate title screen once, not sure how to trigger it. 

My issues come down to the difficulty and redundancy of some mechanics. Items can make a lot of encounters trivial. The later upgrades make you and Oatchi virtually immortal. The pikmin caller upgrades basically invalidate Oatchi's level 3 command. You can leave caves whenever.  Speaking of Oatchi, basically having a "throw all your pikmin at once" button is incredibly strong and there is almost no trade off especially at max upgrade. Having all of your Pikmin stuck to you also makes things far easier for most combat. All of these issues mostly arise from already having a high skill level at Pikmin, to the point where I didn't need these abilities to do well. I'll be curious to see how newcomers take to the game given this, but a lot of it just feels unnecessary. In some ways it ruins the tone of the series, with 1 and 2 seeming a whole lot more threatening like you’re actually on a dangerous expedition. There’s still some challenge in the endgame but most of the game does feel a bit too easy.

I might come around on the difficulty if there’s a lot of depth to replays and challenges. I'll probably try doing a few challenge runs to see how the difficulty fares. Most prominent to me is a "no upgrade" run, which seems possible. I don't think there are any required upgrades in the lab or for Oatchi other than those given automatically. I think that being able to leave and enter at any sublevel clearly removes any sort of challenge the caves once had as gauntlets, so it makes sense to forego that as well. In fact, I can't think of a single time I actually left in the middle of a cave before beating it. In some ways it makes sense to apply personal restrictions to increase the challenge. Even Pikmin 1 is trivial within 30 days at this point. I'll also be interested to see how speedrunning affects difficulty, since collecting materials to buy upgrades would be unnecessary time. The fact that I'm already thinking about replaying a game that took me 40 hours to finish says a lot. It seems like there's a lot of freedom in how you can approach this game and I can't wait to see it pushed to its limits.

Overall it's a wonderful game. I'm still trying to pinpoint what this game has that Pikmin 3 didn't (other than a ton of content), but it feels a whole lot more satisfying to me than 3 ever did for a similar wait. It’s just so... full. As much as I can nitpick the difficulty and the ways it affects tone, it’s undeniably Pikmin. I haven’t even gushed about the incredible soundtrack or how great the game looks. I’m sure I’ll be playing this for many years to come.

[northwest-cryptid]

My Fem Presenting Aki model is honestly so good right now, I'm so happy with it. I'm gonna just kinda Go Off about it so I'm sorry but...

LOOK HOW CUTE THEY ARE!

Some things I love about this model right out the gate:

They finally have actual high entia wings, which has been a design point of Aki for literally MULTIPLE YEARS now.

I've put in a ton of references to shit I enjoy, like how the Four Directions tattoo I usually wear on my cheek is now the tattoo from XC3 or how one of their eyes literally has the Ouroboros while the other has Aki's original constellations.

Aki now has a mechanical arm, a gift from an old friend.

It also bears the insignia of Aki's old colleague and other half (literally), Cryptid. along with a decal of The Zohar (can you tell I like the entire Xeno-Series?)

As an avid pin collector I also jumped at the chance to throw these on them:

I currently have two main outfits for them. The first being inspired greatly by the look I first drew them in, just very heavily revised.

I still love the original look don't get me wrong, but I've been wanting to experiment with merging Aki's two (masc/fem) on screen appearances with my real life appearance, or at least things I enjoy about it. So I wanted to give Aki something closer to my own hair for once with the darker center part. I'll absolutely give them at least one outfit with a cute messy bob cut though, and yea I'll absolutely bring back their brown hair because brown/black hair goes underappreciated. I also wanted to add in the head wings because I feel like that's the single most glaring aspect of Aki that no one has ever got right and it's one of the main things I love about Aki's design. However I'm really happy with this look as simple as it is.

A minor detail I actually like a lot and could easily "fix" with some quick bone work but kinda refuse to because I think it adds a lot; is that their mechanical hand doesn't articulate in the fingers.

While I could easily just move some bones around in the hands I honestly really like this more as a feature than a bug. Just because I figure someone out there is gonna go "okay but is this just because you don't know how to fix it"

No. It's an intentional feature. I might "fix" it later, but I think it adds a lot of character and makes it feel like a mechanical hand and not just a reskin of an arm.

The second outfit is geared more towards my need to over-design everything I see ever, and it's where most of the stuff shown above is seen.

I basically kit-bashed 3 outfits together and I'm absolutely in love with this absolute mess of an outfit.

I gave them the slight smug expression because I need to be able to be a smug bastard sometimes.

The hair on this outfit is a bit of a nod to an older OC design I have that I do not have any good pictures of but here ya go:

Funny callback haircut to my old Fem-Sona.

I find it kind of ironic that people have gone from He/Him'ing me non-stop to referring to this Aki almost exclusively as "She/Her" and I'm just sitting here like "oh my god it goes both ways" because I accidentally caught myself doing it too, but I digress.

It's very hard for me with how masc presenting I am, to often depict myself in a feminine manner at all and associate it with "me" I typically look at it and go "yea that's a Girl™." So it's been really nice/cool to see Aki like this and kinda point excitedly like "THAT'S ME FUCKER! THAT'S ME!"

I'm just having a very "HER PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM" moment lol.

I really do look at this avatar and go "I Think I Hauve Covid" it's so nice. They're so cute and I love existing in this digital flesh.

[istratasphere]

Me when I get to pester you about your gay people :o

3 for Khevashase, 1 for Lavandreas, and 15 for Sollos

Ohhhh bestie this may have been such a mistake on your part I’m so so sorry for the amount of word there is djskskak

{Khevashase}

3. What is their Love Language

For all three of them, physical touch ranks the highest on their lists. They were all very physically affectionate people before they met each other and once they fell into a group together it just increased exponentially. Touch is something that occurs almost as naturally and as often as breathing for them, it’s a comfort and a reassurance and an expression of love that they crave and provide for each other in an environment that rarely allows for such gentle things. The rare moments of downtime they have are spent more or less entirely entangled with one another, which you can interpret in several of ways and be correct in all of them.

Their individual secondary love languages would be words of affirmation for Ase, quality time for Khelvana, and acts of service for Vasha. All of which are connected to various deeply personal aspects of the self, naturally.

{Lavandreas}

1. Who fell first? Who fell harder?

Hddkskj me when these guys ever 💕💗✨💖💕 decided to collab with Andreas’s creator/player on this one for a thorough and authentic answer so here it is <3

Andreas fell first, Lavael fell harder.

“It was a long and arduous road before they even remotely started tolerating each other but Andreas cracked first once he started to see past the facade of arrogance and vanity Lavael presented with. Discarding the extravagance and the hostility and letting the more genuine and sincere parts of himself shine through, unintentionally as it was in the beginning, won Andreas over faster than he’d ever be willing to admit. It’s hard not to fall for someone who turned out to be so fiercely caring and remarkably kind underneath it all. It’s hard not to love a person who’s as radiant as the sun.” -Bo

Lavael undoubtedly fell harder, as their relationship progressed through the initial period of loathing, into friendship, and to the point of genuine affection for one another it completely wrecked his shit!! Andreas completely changed the trajectory of his life, filling a void that he had tried desperately to fill for years to no avail. Experiencing unconditional love for who he was—flaws, damage, and all—for the first time left him absolutely reeling in a way that he was completely unprepared to deal with. He’s so far gone for this man, he’d give up everything he has, everything he’s built without hesitation if Andreas asked it of him. Andreas managed to bypass every single roadblock and obstacle Lavael had set to keep people from getting too close and lodged himself like a knife into Lavael’s heart. <3

{Sollos}

15. How do they comfort one another when the other is upset?

Bellos is the kind of person who needs to talk through things when he’s upset. Speaking it out and verbally expressing things helps him sort through his feelings and helps him process what’s causing the problem and how he might be able to address it so he’s not staying upset. Solstice knows the best thing he can possibly do is ask what Bellos needs from him in the moment and listen. He’ll immediately set aside whatever he was doing prior so he can be fully present and there for Bellos while he’s sorting through things. In the event that the normal method doesn’t work, Solstice will offer physical contact because sometimes your minotaur just needs to be held for an extended period of time in a purely Platonic™ way until he feels better.

Solstice on the other hand tends to need something to distract him when he’s upset. His brain will easily fixate on the bad thing for as long as it possibly can if he doesn’t have something to pull his attention away from it, so engaging activities are sort of Bellos’ go to method for helping soothe Solstice when he’s upset. Solstice is a creative and an artistic fiend so Bellos has found that giving him a little arts and crafts project to work on is a surefire way to help pull him out of a spiral and more easily regulate how he’s feeling. He’s also well aware that he’s Solstice’s favorite canvas at this point so he’s more than happy to offer up his horns or coat and let Solstice go ham with the carving tools or pigments for a little while.

[freepassbound]

50,51,54,59

50: What do you expect from a friend or partner?

My first reaction is that there are some very different aspects to those two things - though also, since I would want a partner to be a friend (indeed, a best friend), there is some overlap as well.

My second reaction is that 'expect' is a bit of a loaded word? What can any of us expect from one another? Everyone will be in different places and be able to give different things and different levels at different times.

So what can anyone expect?

Kindness, and love, however they can offer it in that moment.

51: What question could you ask to find out the most about a person?

Anon, I'm afraid you've come barking up the wrong tree for a useful answer to this question. 😅

I'm on the spectrum with significant social anxiety - I can barely ask people for directions to the men's room!

However, I will share an anecdote, and then have a go myself:

The first (and thus far only) lady I dated asked, as her first question on the dating site, what my biggest kink was. Which (given that I somehow actually managed to answer, and answer honestly) was certainly very informative - and revealing - about me! 😅

In the event that I were going to ask (and able to ask) someone a single question to find out the most about them...

I think I would I would ask what they thought the best and worst class they'd ever taken was, and why. I don't know that an answer would tell me the most about them... but I think it would tell me some things that would be very illuminating about them.

54: Can humans really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time?

I can only concur with J.B.S. Haldane:

"My own suspicion is that the universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose."

But what a great joy it is in trying to understand!

59: What do you think the next era of music will be like?

Well, I don't know that I'm the best person to answer this question, given that I know as much about trends in modern music as I do about the cyclical valuation of the Algerian dinar (which is to say: absolutely bupkis). 😂

But... from what knowledge I have acquired, it seems there are two basic possibilities - one pessimistic, one optimistic (though in fact they may not be mutually exclusive).

The pessimistic outlook is that popular music will essentially come under the control of algorithmic generation (currently more commonly known as "AI"). Beats and hooks and everything else will be thoroughly analyzed for their ability to draw and hold a listener's attention, and computer programs will generate 'music' designed to maximize listenership - probably for 15-30 second chunks (all the better to sync with viral social media videos). Songs themselves will continue to get shorter in length (something that's already been happening) as a result.

Some artists will fight against this trend - a few, already too big to fail, will succeed; most will experience brief success by putting out unique, personal music - but, with streaming not providing sufficient royalties to live on while also creating a fanbase too diffuse to make touring feasible, won't be able to maintain it.

(Like I said, it's a pessimistic outlook)

The optimistic outlook is the idea that the diversification of popular music - already ongoing with genres like reggaeton and Afrobeats - will continue and expand, and the fusion of genres will create entirely new types of music, adding incredibly to the richness of music globally.