#sing for short

[kelpo-art]

Doodles of The Guy (au Whole)

[eats-a-berry]

i wasn't sure exactly what i thought adult gideon should be doing, but i DO quite like the triple combination of cowboy-biker, drag queen, and used car salesman at the same time. she's always a busy person!

[ministarfruit]

day 10: love is devotion ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

[0fps]

changli ♪

[studio-obake]

new video "Song Of Ghost"

please watch it!!

studioOBAKE https://studio-obake.com/

[speakofcompersion]

Shinee showing off that they're married to each other~ [241201 Minho MEAN: of My First Concert - Day 2]

[hairmetal666]

Eddie who crashes at Steve's after movie night, despite knowing it's a bad idea considering his increasingly out-of-control and hopeless crush. He's supposed to be working on boundaries and expectations, not falling asleep on the couch with his head on the man's shoulder, and waking up being fucking carried upstairs to bed.

The next morning, he plans on making a sneaky exit, but then he hears a stereo playing from somewhere downstairs. He makes his way to the kitchen to find Steve dancing and belting along with I Wanna Dance with Somebody, passionately singing into a spatula.

And so much for Eddie keeping his crush under control, because this? It's the cutest goddamn thing he's seen in his life and he's head over heels.

He can't help walking up to Steve, taking him in his arms, and judging by the way Steve's face lights up, his crush might not be so unrequited after all.

[drawloverlala]

Just a redesign of Ash Mongoose I did for fun

[romatito]

practice is going well 🫢😬

[glxdioli]

what a splendidly straight thing to do, Mr Maher

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddieholidaydrabbles.

Come Through Me

Prompt Day 30: Sing | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: Language | Tags: Post S4, Eddie Munson Lives, Good Uncle Wayne Munson, Eddie Munson Runs Away, Loneliness, Reconnecting, Pre-Steddie

He's been flying solo for too long. 

Eddie locks the door of the dingy apartment, the one he ran away to the minute he was able to leave the hospital, vowing to never fucking set foot in Hawkins again. 

So far, he's kept his word. 

He cut all ties, besides Wayne, and fucked right off.

Wayne makes the trek to meet him halfway sometimes, like they are today, and Eddie is grateful. He wants Wayne to get out of that shithole, too, but there's a pension just beyond his reach, and he's gonna stick it out until that's squared away.

But that means Eddie's kind of fucking lonely. He's not an introvert. He isn't meant to be alone, no matter how big of a freak everyone always thought he was.

"I'm lonely," he tells Wayne at the rest stop picnic table, homemade sandwiches wrapped in wax paper, spread out between them.

"Call your friends," Wayne says.

Eddie takes another bite.

"One call. They'd come runnin'. Trust me, kid," Wayne says, and Eddie wants to believe it would be that easy.

"They're mad," Eddie says. 

"They're worried," Wayne clarifies, "Dustin Henderson, and Gareth, too. Neither one give me a moment's peace."

Eddie smiles, just a little at the image of that.

"But it's that Harrington boy that's like a dog with a goddamn bone. Shaking it in my face, demanding to know things you made me promise not to sing like a canary about."

Eddie stills. 

Steve Harrington's looking for him? What for? They spent a week in the general vicinity of each other running for their lives. They aren't friends. They aren't anything. 

"What? Why?" Eddie asks, and it's not the most eloquent he's ever been.

"You tell me when you figure it out. Because I'd love to know, kid," Wayne says, and he seems like he's just as confused as Eddie is by this turn of events.

"What's he been asking you? How often do you see him? Does he come to the house?" Eddie asks, rapid-fire. 

Wayne holds up his hands, shutting Eddie's questions down. 

Then he digs in his wallet, pulling out a single slip of notebook paper, handing it to Eddie.

One piece of paper. 

But it seems terrifying. 

"Call him and ask, yeah?" Wayne says, and Eddie isn't sure he can do that, but he takes it.

They finish talking, hug, and then Wayne's gone. His old truck rumbling away, leaving Eddie alone all again.

Eddie has rubbed his thumb against the slip of paper enough that it's getting soft and if he doesn't cut it the fuck out, his luck will have him rubbing a hole right through the number, rendering it useless. 

He finally picks up the phone and just dials. Not giving himself a chance to back out.

Steve's voice fills his ear.

"Uh, hey. Hi. It's me. Eddie. Munson. Wayne gave me your number," Eddie says, and it feels stupid. What does he have to say to Steve Harrington? What does Steve have to say to him?

"Hey, man, glad you called," Steve says, and he sounds carefree, happy. 

He's happy?

Eddie wonders what that feels like.

Maybe he'll know, someday. 

"Yeah," Eddie says, and falls silent. Steve wanted him to call, Steve's gonna have to do the heavy lifting here. At least pick the topic to get the ball rolling.

"How are you?" Steve asks. 

"Lonely," Eddie says, and then leans his head against the door jam. He didn't mean to say that. To be that fucking honest. 

"Me too, man," Steve says, like it's a normal thing to say to each other. "Let me come see you. Then maybe we won't be lonely anymore, at least for a while, yeah?"

And, yeah. 

Okay.

Steve pulls up to his little apartment in his shitty neighborhood. Eddie watches out the window as Steve flips his keys in his hand, over and over, as he walks to the door, like he's happy to be there. 

Eddie lets him in, and Steve Harrington smiles, big and wide.

"Hey, man! You snuck out on us!" Steve says, reaching forward, hugging tight, rocking Eddie back and forth with the force of it. 

It's fucking weird, but Eddie hugs him back, because he's not about to pass up the chance to get a hug. Not these days.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were hoping I wouldn't," Eddie says as Steve finally lets him go. 

"Of course I didn't want you to! You're one of us now. Membership cannot be revoked," Steve teases.

Eddie laughs, and he's suddenly happy Steve made the effort to get in contact. Eddie motions to his couch, and Steve settles in. Eddie sits beside him, tucking his feet up under him. 

"Catch me up," Eddie demands, hugging his knees, resting his chin on his arms. 

And Steve does. One-by-one, he tells Eddie about anyone and everyone. 

They talk, and laugh, and Eddie feels like they've always been this close. It's weird. Maybe he's just that starved for conversation. 

But he doesn't think so. He's really having fun. 

"I'm glad you came," Eddie says, and Steve just grins. 

"Me too, man."

They sit in comfortable silence, then Steve asks, "You think you might come home? We'd all love it if you did. Your uncle, especially."

Eddie knows that's true, but he's still scared of that godforsaken place. He can't imagine just strolling back into town like nothing happened. 

"I don't think Hawkins wants that." Eddie says. 

"Fuck Hawkins. Seriously. We saved that shithole. If you want to come home, come home. They try to fuck with you? They'll have to come through me." 

Eddie's heart flip-flops in his chest. He isn't sure why. If it's the possibility of not being alone any more? Or the fact that Steve Harrington is willing to fight for him?

Both sound pretty damn good. 

"I don't know…"

Steve catches his eyes, and keeps them. 

"I do. If you want to come home, well, I'll help you pack." 

If you want to write your own, or go see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddieholidaydrabbles and follow along with the fun!

[petricorah]

lee from the tea shop boutta get it (wip) [id in alt]

edit: completed illustration here

[beanghostprincess]

I am obsessed with Nirei and Sakura's dynamic because, from the very beginning, their characters start to develop around each other. Whether it's in a shipping way or not, their characters as we know them now wouldn't exist without the other. They're both each other's guiding lights.

Like.

Quite literally:

Nirei makes it his life purpose to help Sakura reach the top because he has been the first one to believe in him and help him out without making him feel weak. And not only that, but Nirei instantly knows Sakura has a good heart. Which is not a hard thing to do because this guy's emotions are displayed in plain sight (as much as he tries to hide it), but Nirei doesn't only realize Sakura's a good person, he also believes he needs help. Yes, Sakura fights for him when they first meet, but Nirei is the (first) one to follow him, acknowledge him as the next one at the top, and be his friend. Because he is what Nirei wants to become and what he wants to protect. He sees Sakura as the future. As a kind soul. As what the town (and himself) needs.

Sakura as a main character has always fascinated me, honestly. And his introduction to his relationship with Nirei might be the most cliché thing of all (ohhh bad guys are beating this guy I just met up. Guess I will have to fight them because I actually have a good heart!!!). But it's so much more!!! Sakura sees Nirei for who he actually is despite his lack of strength and ability to fight. He has ambition. A wish. An unstoppable desire to protect the town and become the type of man he admires so much. And I believe Sakura sees that as something he can actually relate to. As strength. Nirei is the first one to follow him willingly and believe in him, too. He's the first one to reach out. And whether Sakura likes it or not doesn't even matter because Nirei is what he needs. He's someone Sakura knows he can rely on despite his looks.

They both show strengths the other can rely on and appreciate. Sakura is good when it comes to fighting but a whole mess socially and emotionally because he has always been on his own. Nirei is good whenever they need information or emotional support and he just understands people because he watches them, while not being good at fighting. But they both share the same amount of ambition and are able to support each other in countless ways. They lift each other up. They're quite literally written for each other, in my opinion.

They also share insecurities. They know what it means to feel weak. Nirei knows what it is to feel physically hurt and bruised and what it is to carry the weight of the team because he feels like a burden for not being able to help in the same way as the others when he so desperately wants to. While Sakura knows what it is to feel emotionally abandoned, hurt, and lonely, while he also carries the weight of the team on his shoulders because he doesn't let others help him with the burden.

And they are both so, so stubborn. Nirei doesn't tell Sakura he's training and learning to fight behind his back because he'd feel even worse. And Sakura doesn't tell Nirei about feeling like a burden and a bad leader himself, because that'd only make him worse (than he believes he is). But they so desperately wish to help each other in so, so many ways.

Sakura would physically fight anyone who hurt Nirei. He has been protecting him from the very beginning without almost any hesitation. He met his guiding light and proceeded to never let him go. Nirei, on the other hand, is so protective emotionally of Sakura, always caring for him and longing to reach out and get him out of the dark because he can't see he is Nirei's guiding light too.

They're also so, so bad at showing these things. Because Sakura keeps protecting Nirei and keeping him out of fights but that only ever makes Nirei feel like he should be doing something else to help (Sakura only wants to keep him safe because he is precious to him). Nirei wants to reach out to Sakura and shower him with all the love he refuses to ask for but doesn't because doing so would only make Sakura overwhelmed (he has been holding himself back for so long, I swear).

I don't want to talk about this much because I meant to make a post about this, but... Nirei has been holding back his love and care for Sakura for so damn long (shout out to @/cantdrawtosavemylife for saying this actually) and in chapter 146 I swear he just couldn't hold it in anymore and ended up doing a love confession mid-battle. "It's not a love conf-" to me it is. Shut up. I love them.

So what I was saying--

Their characters truly develop thanks to each other.

Sakura learns to care and love for others thanks to all the characters, really, but you can't ignore the favoritism he has towards protecting Nirei and the guilt he specifically feels whenever he gets hurt.

And how he goes from: "Nirei, don't fight"

To: "Okay, I will trust him. I count on you, Nirei"

In like, two pages.

And yes, it's thanks to other characters too that Sakura manages to trust others and not fight completely on his own, lending some control to his friends. But it's the trust he has in Nirei's (and Suo's!!) words that make him improve so much emotionally.

Nirei's quite literally Sakura's heart and logic who can finally make the mess inside of him make sense.

Ohh, but Sakura is Nirei's future, too. His strength. His ambition.

Nirei learns to stand up for himself only because he wants to help Sakura get to the top. Because he promised him. Not only because of that of course, he already wanted to be stronger before meeting Sakura and other characters believe in him too, but now he has somebody to support and fight for.

So he starts only being able to help him out with his brain and heart.

To now be able to at least defend himself properly in a fight so Sakura can keep going forward without looking back.

And not only that! He's now able to fight his fears and be ready to face whoever if it means Sakura won't do it on his own.

And everything because Sakura trusts him.

And I could keep talking about how they're each other's guiding lights and bring out the best of one another. I could mention all the times they spend together which is, like, idk, every damn chapter because if you separate them they might die. I could talk for hours about how their characters wouldn't exist without each other and how Nirei (and Suo. Never forget Suo. I love you, king) will forever be Sakura's right-hand man. Etc etc etc.

Buuuuuut I got tired of writing so I'll just say:

Nirei sees the good heart in Sakura and Sakura sees the strength in Nirei and their dynamic is my favorite thing from this manga.

[nardpup]

Sing: Thriller - MJ’s Thriller by The Sing Cast

YASSSSS! GET INTO IT!

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck, family & alcoholism

Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chil’s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chil’s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts it’s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how it’s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.

There’s nothing more I’d like on mother’s day than to speculate about Chilchuck’s maladaptive attachment style. I’m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much he’s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here

Actually it’ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, it’s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.

Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife

^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.

We know is hometown isn’t Kahka Brud, but we’re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if it’s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.

If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesn’t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasn’t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how he’s like with his more distant family…

Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So that’s the context.

I’ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.

Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.

We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it’s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he’s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.

I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the “alcohol” section of his Adventurer’s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn’t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.  As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chil’s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think it’s big family because it’s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you don’t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.

Alcoholism context rundown:

Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his party’s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels it’s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.

Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.

And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if he’s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.

Dad of the dad

Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young too…? I know how it is, it must have hit you hard…" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesn’t feel much about his dad’s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse

I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dad’s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.

As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And I’ll nitpick that we don’t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like I’ve gone into he doesn’t seem to be the keep in touch type. It’s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.

And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that that’s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that there’s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just… Healthy coping and having moved on.

I wonder when Chil first drank… And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips… Or he stole them

No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so… Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.

Because too… We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so it’s not like there’s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like… What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since she’s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then it’s like, at the family gatherings, she’s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he has…….. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesn’t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood… Spitballing of course of course

I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyone’s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I don’t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but don’t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesn’t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still… There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideas…

So yes my general take on Chil’s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.

Fathering

And I think that’s especially interesting considering he hasn’t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. It’s "they’re independent now" and that’s kinda it. His daughters haven’t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ‘that’s how things are’. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not he’s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?

So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh

Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. He’s working hard to provide for his family but in the process he’s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. He’s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the ocean— But also here’s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! They’re poor, they don’t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure he’s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and that’s not always an option.

^ Truly the classic "if you don’t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experience………

He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctional…….. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"  🤡

All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, I’m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isn’t a teen or young adult, he’s middle aged, he’s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. He’s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.

And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldn’t notice if a parenting choice wasn’t great for his daughters. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, he’s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective it’s mission success! He got raised decent enough 👍⭐️ Except he doesn’t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself… And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since that’s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. It’s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.

But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if it’s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And there’s sort of this dissonance that he’s both "it doesn’t matter wether i’m here or not, they’ll live, they’re tough girls. Oh they didn’t like my scolding earlier? It’s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like that’s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also that’s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.

All that said I think the very strict "you’re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.

In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I don’t think he’d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it… Sigh

Daughter pov

Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parents’ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack… Ohh Meijack.

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind

Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...

Absent father and when he’s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and you’re grateful for it and that’s that <333

She doesn’t know how much he loves them bc he hasn’t showed them in a long time </3

The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he can’t do rather than what he could do, how someone who’s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. It’s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a troll’s.

You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that they’re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of them……. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows they’re gone… Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleep………..

And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit

In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like she’s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that she’s the most passive, that she’s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parents’ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.

They already don’t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when he’s not himself truly… How they kinda reconcile it all. It’s their normal. 

And the thing that’s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol

"you're all that's good"

Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person who’s supposed to be closest to him (he doesn’t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.

He leaves and she left

God there’s the whole ‘wife leaving him’ trauma too is the thing… It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didn’t expect her to just up and leave. He didn’t see the warning signs. He won’t know if it’s coming this time either.

….. But then also, why he didn’t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I won’t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. It’s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like… "This week she’s gonna send a letter. … Ok fine, this month she’s gonna crack. … Within the year she’ll come crawling back." and it’s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like… Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally she’s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.

I can never stop thinking about him and his wife they’re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didn’t even leave or send one last letter she’s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. It’s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we haven’t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance… Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else… Maybe realizing he doesn’t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it… Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?

Not seeing it coming… It’s half trust, that this person who’s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third it’s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I don’t think he’s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.

Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldn’t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting he’s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. It’s been years and he still hasn’t worked it out why she left. Do you think that’s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. It’s so so so scary to try and do anything about it

He said he didn’t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and he’s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that she’d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasn’t coming back?

He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.

He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. It’s why he doesn’t want people to have expectations of him, "I’m a coward I’m selfish", because then they can’t be disappointed, they can’t be surprised if he bites, they can’t leave when you lose what they’ve been staying for.

He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time there’s an interpersonal issue he just accepts it’s out of his control immediately. He’s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesn’t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and that’s it. If people are scummy you don’t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried… Talking?" it’s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things… And that’s why it’s such a big deal when he goes "Alright I’ll try… I don’t know if it’ll go as well as in the stories, but I’ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge

Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.

The way it’s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and it’s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, y’all didn’t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me

Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.

She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if he’d say anything before leaving and when he didn’t that was the last straw?

Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because that’s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox

And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but it’s worth going over, so… I don’t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that he’d keep drinking. Like personally I do think he’d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either don’t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc they’re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but it’s straight up his favorite food now and it’s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.

Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just don’t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ✨ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things 🫠 He wouldn’t leave

I’d say he doesn’t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, there’s an axe in the wall etc, it’s about having failed to protect them.

If he can’t fuck something up or if he’s already fucked it up there’s this pacifying sense that he can’t have the rug pulled from under him, because that’s what having connections is, having a wife isn’t an insurance it’s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so he’s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because it’s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesn’t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, it’s always been suck it up and work.

Conclusion

Stop smoking we love you and we don’t want you to die

No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it won’t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-ease…….

</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesn’t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around

^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone

I’ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but it’s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 y’know. I haven’t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if you’re curious.

Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst

[muffinlance]

Read "Suki, Alone". Liked it in general. But can they please, please hire someone who knows both the show's actual events and how to follow through on a character arc? Because guys. Guys. That comic is not implying about Suki what they meant it to be implying, and all because of literally one line.

So like. From a writer's standpoint:

What they meant to do: show Suki as a community-oriented person who cares for her people, and believes in everyone succeeding together.

As opposed to (spoilers): the thief girl they set her up in contrast with, who's pretty upfront and consistent on primarily looking out for herself. She betrays Suki for one (1) corn chip to improve her own life at the prison, no surprise.

But the problem is: they give Suki an inspirational line to the effect of "we're all working together and we'll all break out together"

You know

The thing she does not do in the show

So if both the show and this comic are canon, then instead of setting up a compare/contrast with the thief girl, they've just set up a comparison. One were Suki is arguably worse, because she's been leading a significant number of prisoners on with her "we'll all fight and win our freedom together!" business, only to straight up cut them out of the escape loop and abandon them, whereas the thief is only leading Suki on in the sense that Suki keeps telling her what it's morally correct to think and confuses snide replies with agreement

My dudes. My fellow writers. You people actually being paid for this. There were so many ways to fix those awful implications against our girl's character, the simplest of which would be to not include that line. Or they could have, you know, made it canon compliant with what actually happens in the show, so that this comic doesn't set Suki up as a betrayer instead of a community builder. Like... just send all her good prison buddies off to other prisons in the wake of the warden finding out they're colluding. Have it timed to be right before the next new prisoners arrive, thus setting it immediately before the Boiling Rock episodes, so Suki didn't have anyone left in the prison she'd want to take with her on a breakout. For bonus points, include a page or two of her and her Kyoshi warriors opening up the cell of one of her prison friends post-war, thus implying she's tracking down and actually fulfilling her promises. Maybe even show her doing the same with thief girl, who was established as being imprisoned on false charges anyway, and also showing that Suki is A) the bigger person, and B) willing to acknowledge her own role in mistakes (because I cannot emphasize enough how much thief girl was not hiding her own priorities, and it was Suki who approached HER with all this, not the girl ever doing anything special to weasel her way in) (this would also open up an opportunity for paralleling Suki's earlier in-comic mistake of not listening to one of her friend's very valid thoughts and feeling, which lead to the girl leaving their island alone pre-canon; a "seeing people as they are, not what you want them to be" moment)

Anyway yeah enjoyable enough for a quick read but another one for the "this can't be canon or the characters are So Much Worse than they were in the actual show" pile

At least Aang didn't promise to murder anyone in this one