#since the moment they started dating its been the same thing nearly every day

[effervescent-fool]

it's almost funny how horribly codependent two of friends are

[pikatsum]

Lights, Camera, Chaos | 1 | Todoroki Shouto / Reader

Summary: You and Shouto are forced to make your first televised appearance as a couple. What starts as an embarrassing invasion of privacy completely upends itself once you realize just how cutthroat the world of reality TV can get.

Tags & Warnings: Reader uses she/her pronouns, Quirkless Reader, Pro-Hero Shouto.

Part of the Pretty Boy Summer collab! [cross-posted on ao3]

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Being the partner of a pro-hero was the kind of thing that should really come with an instruction manual. And emblazoned on uncoated paper stock beneath chapter one, the golden rule that nine of ten couples managed to break: keep it on the down-low.

Those who didn’t faced the consequences— particularly civilians.

Their faces were ultimately the ones that got splashed across the front page of every gossip-rag in Japan. They became public pariahs, their names repeated ad nauseam on the news, whispered with glee in hair salons and social clubs. In the story of their life, everything became forfeit to the public— their friends, their profession, their dating history, their homes. All of it.

Now, for nearly three months, you’d been one of them. At the end of the day, that was the noodles’ fault, really.

The summer after culinary school, you’d scored your first full-time role, working as the head chef in a small noodle shop just a few blocks from your college campus, at the edge of the city. The owner, Okuda-san, had been in business for years, but the dreams of grandeur that had brought him to central Mustafau as a young man had long since been struck by reality. Though the quality of his meals had never diminished, he’d vastly scaled back his operations over the last ten years— gone was the opulent restaurant in the center of downtown with its sleek metallic architecture and warm ambient lighting. Gone too was his wife, or so you suspected, based on the mutterings you could pick up from the front office, when business ran slow.

The day you met Shouto, the rain had been coming down in sheets, blurring the windows and filling the reception area with a soothing white-noise as you oversaw reservation bookings, dinner preparations and engaged in a small bit of gossip-gathering on the side. It was that same rain that had led you to warn him about the biodegradable styrofoam that his takeout was packed in, and offer the restaurant’s tiny enclave seating to avoid having his meal ruined by the deluge. You’d shared polite conversation— mostly offering tips for balancing buckwheat dough to make proper soba noodles.

Over time, the street in front of Okuda-san’s little shop had become a well-worn patrol path for Shouto’s agency. Conversations turned to texts, and invitations out with his friends. After an unhealthy amount of pining, you’d finally steeled your nerves enough to ask him on a date— an awkward but effective kickstart to almost two years of the best relationship you’d ever had.

There truly was no protocol for having such an intimate piece of yourself revealed to the public, to millions of your partner’s diehard fans. There weren’t words to describe the moment you first laid eyes on the incriminating photo that had started all of this: the two of you, sharing a kiss on the way up to your apartment. Your longing, exacerbated by Shouto’s tedious travel schedule had faced off against your building’s perpetually-slow elevator doors and came up short.

One grainy picture, posted to one account incited a slew of Internet detectives, stealing your anonymity in a matter of hours.

At the very least, you’d been blissfully unaware at first— overlooking the increasing stares from the diners at Okuda-san’s, and glossing over the fact that the cab driver knew your name on the way home. You’d remained blissfully ignorant up until arriving home to find Shouto on the doorstep, still in his costume. He’d quickly shepherded you up to your apartment and barricaded the door. In full pro-hero mode, he’d guided you through the essentials to pack in a duffel bag, and then quickly brought you back to his, to wait out the full extent of the madness.

The worst of it was concentrated in that first two weeks. You’d been unable to turn on the TV without hearing the diminutive nickname the media had chosen for you— “Noodle Legs”— coupled with the same clip of Shouto guiding you up the steps into his high-rise building, over and over. Unfortunately, your legs had been wobbling, as the full magnitude of what was happening had finally begun to set in. In those first days, you’d sequestered yourself in the guest room with the blinds drawn, the drone of the TV only semi-effective against the catastrophizing taking place in your mind.

The public had judged your relationship with Shouto and you clearly had not met expectations. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. Even a decade on from the war that had rewritten the operations of superhuman society, competent wasn’t a word that paired well with Quirkless.

As the media storm raged, you had never seen Shouto so upset. In the first few days, his schedule was particularly erratic, his whereabouts always announced by text and sticky notes left on your door, or the bathroom mirror in tight, neat script. Often, he was out amidst the public, speaking to media outlets on his own, trying to stem the influx of public opinion about you that had become the nation’s topic de jour. As you slowly began to emerge from your cocoon of solitude, you saw just how oppositely this ordeal was affecting him.

When he was home, Shouto paced, relentlessly. He completed a book of Sudoku puzzles as you absently cooked enough udon to feed a small army— or at least four of his pro-hero friends. Each night, he scarcely settle in on the couch next to you before noticing a stray sock or a flickering lightbulb, some small thing to put right. Nothing was enough, anymore, and even as you asked him to come to bed— his bed— he only ever seemed to sleep on the couch, if at all.

After nearly a week, his mania and your melancholy finally collided, spectacularly. You could still remember the whisper of the paper against the hardwood, as it slid under the bedroom door, late that night. Nearly two pages offered a handwritten letter apologizing for the upheaval of your entire life, and his absence in the aftermath. The third carefully recorded the plan he’d been building to mitigate the fallout, mentioning the friends he’d enlisted to help him and proposed ideas for a manufactured scandal, enough to take the limelight off you. That moment of shade, he argued, would allow you to distance yourself.

“I promise to help you establish a future that will make you happy.” the letter concluded, “And I understand, if that future no longer includes me.”

It was carefully-worded, largely self removed and so quintessentially Shouto that it nearly broke you all over again. Not much about your future was determined that night, apart from one, indelible truth: you didn’t want a future without Shouto in it. If that meant you’d have to face the public— the cameras and opinions and bigotry— so be it.

You’d casually perused enough gossip magazines to know the general strategies that hero & civilian relationships used, publicly. Some couples went on luxurious (sponsored) vacations, their devotion shamelessly showcased through glossy magazine spreads and corny ‘What’s in Our Suitcase?’ Q&As. Others used their moment in the limelight to launch one partner’s passion project — a private art studio, a taproom, a crossfit gym— often trendy, always overcrowded and never necessary public infrastructure.

The rest wrote memoirs. So. Many. Memoirs. You’d just finished “Catching the Copycat. — How I Fell in Love with Phantom Thief” earlier that month, and it wasn’t half bad. Amidst the unending slew of public attention and the realization that you were going to have to market yourself somehow, the idea of writing a novel was contenting. At the very least, your partner’s versatile Quirk meant there was no end to the pithy puns you could come up with for a title.

And then, Shouto’s PR team put out a press release announcing that the two of you would be starring in the next episode of Split Shift— the Hero Network’s one and only reality television program.

‘Think you’ve got what it takes to be a hero? Think again!” announced its pithy tagline, in the promotional packet,’ Each week, Split Shift lets its viewers experience a day in the life of the nation’s top defenders, exposing their personal sides, through the eyes of their inner circle!.’

The two of you had tried to fight it. Oh, how you had tried, your combined efforts quickly spawning endless hours of email chains. But Shouto’s public relations team was relentless— apparently, the clamor of the public for more details, photos, evidence of your leaked relationship was stronger than any villain in the known universe. And without it, they warned, Shouto’s rank in the heroics charts was severely at risk.

“I’m sure you’re aware,” Omori Mika, Shouto’s head of PR, explained, fingers flying across her keyboard as a window of metrics popped up, “a significant portion of Shouto’s fanbase finds him anywhere from “considerably” to “highly” attractive. Early this year, he dethroned Best Jeanist to win Quirk’d Magazines’ “Hottest Hero Alive.”

“Oh, yes— well deserved.” you nodded, sparing a glance to your own well-loved copy, resting on the coffee table. The cover-shot had really captured his intensity, the haunting contrast of his heterochromatic gaze in low lighting.

From the other side of the couch, Shouto cleared his throat, and you found yourself impishly delighted by the fact that he refused to meet your eyes.

“Why does that matter?”

“Because that faction in particular wants to know — why her?” Mika made a brief gesture towards you as she expounded, “Why, out of every person in the nation— the world, even— why is she the one you chose?”

Shouto blinked, glancing between you and the laptop.

“Do they want a list? I’d have to ask Midoriya for—“

“—evidence is the name of the game, Shouto.” Mika broke in, “Photos, maybe, but what people really want is footage.”

“Footage that we have to get by being publicly humiliated, got it.” you sighed.

A notch appeared between Mika’s perfectly- plucked eyebrows.

“I know you’re both unhappy about the booking, but the Hero Network is the best platform to showcase Shouto’s capabilities. The nature of the show won’t just remind people why they trust him— it’ll show that he’s chosen a capable and resourceful partner, as well.”

You flushed and averted your gaze. Capable and resourceful were just about the last things that you were feeling, at the moment.

“And honestly, Split Shift is tame in comparison to some of the shows that have been asking for you.” Mika began to flip through her color-coded planner, “Let’s see… Quirktastrophe, Save my Love Life… oh, you’re lucky we didn’t put you on Zero to Hero, I hear that host is a real piece of work, off-camera…”

“Message received.” Shouto intoned, cutting off the diatribe. You moved your legs enough to allow him to scoot over, leaning forward to minimize the chat window and zoom in on a contractual document, written in a font size in the single-digits. He met your eyes

You took a deep breath and sealed your fates with a nod.

“Where do we sign?”

The devil worked hard, but apparently the scheduling team for Split Shift worked harder. Less than a week later, the two of you were arriving at the studio at the crack of dawn, for what promised to be a grueling day of filming. The process began two blocks before the filming lot, a two-man crew driving out to meet in an adjacent parking lot. You and Shouto were each asked to step out of the car in order to have a microphone pack strapped and secured beneath your clothing. They also hooked a small portable camera to the dashboard, to “capture your authentic reactions to arriving on-set.”

In a mutual act of defiance, you and Shouto remained dead-silent for the remaining two blocks. It was a welcome respite, especially given that it seemed those silences would be few and far between for the rest of the day.

Two steps out of the car and you were being accosted by a human gale-force. She arrived in a cloud of cherry-scented perfume, and wasted no time in handing over the two smoothies she was carrying. The badge pinned smartly to her dark blazer read “Noujuu Yōko”.

You’d just barely opened your mouth to offer a ‘thank you’, but the woman barely spared a glance before she turned and circled a finger in the air to follow.

“You’re seven minutes late.”

“Your crew was delayed and there were a number of road closures en route.” Shouto fell in line, his cooler hand lacing with your free one, “We weren’t—“

“—I sent a reminder email at 2:45 AM with these details. Your coordinator should have shared them.”

You watched as a notch appeared in your partner’s brow, a subtle display of his annoyance. Before he could retort, you broke in with a small laugh that felt as awkward and forced as it sounded.

“Sorry about that.” you said, “This is all… very new.”

You didn’t receive a response, nor at this point were you particularly expecting one. Avoiding the wires criss-crossing the asphalt while keeping up with her brisk pace was taking enough effort, anyways. Unfortunately, an experimental sip of the smoothie in your hand revealed that it tasted like chalk.

“Don’t feel the need to apologize.” Shouto murmured, as you slowed your pace. This close, notes of mint and jasmine stood out in his cologne as he leaned over to murmur to you, “She’s just high-strung. They can film and record as they like, now— I’ve already seen a camera following us, from the right. They’re looking for reactions.”

“So, no public meltdowns— got it.” you smiled weakly, a chill going up your spine at the prospect of indirectly being ‘on-air’.

Yōko led the way back to the first of the sound stages as she explained that Split Shift was filmed in a “psychologically-backed” sequence. The core of that process was candid footage, occasionally guided by interviews.

“You’ll be interviewing throughout the day, both separately and together.” she explained, at the door, “At midday, we’ll have a thirty-minute lunch, and a touch-up with hair and makeup. The afternoon will then be dedicated to wrapping up the heroics case.”

“The… what?” you asked, glancing at Shouto, “Is there something you’re supposed to look into?”

“Not that I am aware of.” Shouto said, “Although I assume, based on the increasing number of cameras that have tracked us here, that this is meant to be some kind of dramatic twist.”

It took you a moment to begin to spot them— angled around corners, hidden in the shrubbery and eaves of the soundstage. There was even a drone flying overhead, high up enough to muffle the whine of its motors. Apprehension bloomed in your chest, counting at least fifteen cameras, knowing there were likely more.

The tone Shouto adopted was pure apathy— but you knew it as a defense mechanism, to hide the anger he hated to show.

“Is there a particular direction you’d like us to face, to express our shock?” he said.

Yōko’s chartreuse eyes narrowed in a silent declaration of war.

“This way will be fine.”

In the next instant, a loud metallic screech made you jump. Whirling around, you realized that the garage door of the warehouse was opening, and although you couldn’t see much through the gloom, the sun’s rays did catch off another two camera lenses, at least.

“We’ve made a few changes on set.” Yōko had to raise her voice to speak over the shuffle of the film crew as they filled in the space, the descending screech of the drone, “Audiences used to prefer viewing the world of heroes at street-level, through the eyes of those they loved most. Now, they want to experience it, for themselves.”

You weren’t looking at her, though, or any of the multitudes of cameras. Instead, your gaze was focused on the mannequin angled in the center of the sound stage, and dressed in a disconcerting blend of lycra and tactical gear— specifically an all-too-familiar vest and utility belt.

Yōko’s voice rang out behind you, sending a chill up your spine as the full scope of what you had gotten yourself into began to click into place.

“So, [Last Name] [First Name]. Are you ready to become a hero?”

[torasplanet]

❝𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒, 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒.ᐟ❞

S. GOJO + GETO'S SISTER!F. READER

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 ; satoru tries to convince himself that you love him too, he really wants to but its hard when you're slipping from his fingers like suguru did.

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 ; smut, angst, jjk 0 and s2 spoilerss, depression, grieving sex??, comfort sex, p in v, protected sex for like a sec lol, unprotected sex, effects of worst curse user, trauma-bonding lol, skin color not mentioned

Satoru just knows.

He knows you feel the same way he does. You just have to, there is no way you don’t. Your feelings for him just have to match his for you.

Satoru loves you, there is no doubt about that. He always has, since he met you and despite that little sister thing you had with Suguru, he still loved you but in secret of course. He didn’t always think you felt the same way though…when his feelings first developed for you, he believed they were one-sided, and you could barely remember who he was! Satoru used to stare at you longingly wishing you felt the same, even for a second like a hopeless romantic teen. The tint of his blue sunglasses suited you well, he wished he’d see you wear a nice blue color like the color that decorated you and the rest of the room from his perspective.

Oh, don’t get him started on when you would talk to him! Let alone look at him! He’d feel like he was floating on clouds when he heard your sweet voice. “Gojo! Can you tell Suguru to let me come on this mission? Pleaseee?” How you’d drag out the e of please to persuade him more made him chuckle. The moment you came to him with a question, you were already getting whatever you wanted from him. “Of course and you can call me Satoru!” He said with the goofiest grin on his face before he marched off to persuade Suguru with you tailing behind him.

Satoru knows that sometimes missions that he, Shoko, and Suguru go on are too advanced for a beginner sorcerer like you but he still likes you to come. He likes to see you and when you get in danger, he likes to leap into action and save you like the amazing super handsome hero he wants you to think he is. It might be sick of him to think this but he likes it when you quake in his arms as he carries you bridal style out of the situation, your arms wrapped so tight around his neck while you thanked him for saving you. His least favorite part about missions would be when you jumped away from him to apologize to your brother before he could even begin to lecture you.

Sometimes Suguru lectures Satoru also because he was the one who told them that you should be invited but he doesn’t care. Satoru has been getting lectured by that man since he met him, what is a little more? He usually just brushes it off by saying he was just helping you get used to things with being a new sorcerer and all and that he didn’t know how bad it was going to go despite this happening nearly every mission. The first time, Suguru demanded that he apologize to you and that’s how he got your number which he would use to his advantage.

The albino-haired man would text you nonsense all day since then about how mean your brother was being, asking you things about girls that he already knew, just stupid things to find a reason to talk to you. This was how his thoughts of you reciprocating romantic feelings started. 

One afternoon, he texted you asking you if you wanted to go to a party with him because he had no one else. That wasn’t a lie, Shoko nor Suguru didn’t want to go with him and he couldn’t find a last-minute date so…you were the only person he had left to ask. You agreed to go with him but you never told Suguru that he asked or where you were going in the first place, just saying you were going out to your friend’s house. Satoru never found out why you didn’t say anything to Suguru, you never said anything and just shrugged it off saying you didn’t want him to wait too long outside.

Satoru was by your side the majority of the time at the party, drinking with you and smoking with you but eventually, he lost you through the alcohol and swarm of people. He didn’t notice immediately but when he did, he panicked. Suguru would never let him live it down if he took his sister to a party that he didn’t even know about and didn’t come back with her, that’s if Satoru didn’t kill himself before Suguru got the chance to even see him. He knew you could take care of yourself but he still didn’t want to risk anything, he needed you to be safe.

When he scouted through the people and found you, you were drunkenly outside in the backyard by yourself cooing at the squirrel in the tree. “Hey–hic–Satoru!” You slurred turning to the tall man noticing his presence behind you “Hey. Sorry about losing you.” Satoru apologized as you stumbled closer to him, his arms instinctively launched forward when he saw you trip over a rock. You fell into his arms with a huff “Shit, how much did you drink…?” Satoru muttered under his breath as he pulled you to your feet but your hands remained on his forearms staring at him. You didn’t respond to him and just got closer to him, putting your face close to his.

You both could smell the alcohol on each other’s breaths as you stared into his blue irises “Satoru…” You muttered before connecting the two of you, your lips dancing with his as just a wholesome kiss. No tongue, just a kiss and it was a kiss that Satoru enjoyed. He couldn’t believe where he was right now…you were kissing him and he didn’t even have to ask but just as fast as it happened, it ended.

Satoru stared at you as you backed away from him and you stared back. No exact emotion on your face except for a small pout and it was one that he couldn’t tell, he didn’t know what you were thinking or feeling until you smiled. A small laugh left your mouth as you smiled and he almost began to laugh with you but then you took your hand off his arms and he got upset. He didn’t show it though, he never did.

“C’mon ’toru…let’s go home.” You said beginning to walk away from him and when he turned to face you, you were looking back at him with that smile on your face and he felt his heart pulse. That was the night Satoru began to believe that you loved him too. The way you looked at him, the smile on your face, the kiss, everything pointed to you feeling that way. The next day, you didn’t say anything about the kiss, it was almost as if you had completely forgotten about it but Satoru didn’t care. You didn’t completely avoid him so that was enough for him to keep believing.

The next weeks were absolutely amazing for Satoru, you guys talked so often and hung out more one one-on-one than before. You two never shared a kiss again but he still liked it, it was nice to be in your presence and hear your voice. Satoru just liked to see you in complete honesty.

Though there was more to that, Satoru liked to see you because he believed you were the prettiest woman ever but he just liked to see that you were okay too. He never liked when Suguru would tell him that you were upset about something, he just wanted you to be happy and smile. The albino-haired man instantly got upset at any negative thought regarding you and he especially hated the thought of you leaving him. You slipping from his fingers and going somewhere else was such an awful idea to him…he wanted to protect you from everything even if you could do most of it yourself.

But you couldn’t protect yourself from everything, that was obvious from the start and Suguru was the main person that would save you. Until he wasn’t.

Satoru didn’t know what to do as he watched Suguru walk away from him in the crowd of people. He especially didn’t know what to tell you, who was so upset about how sad Suguru has been lately. How would he tell you that your brother has decided to leave and kill every non-sorcerer in the world, including your parents? How would he explain to you that you had nowhere to live now because Suguru had left? How would he stop Suguru? There were so many things he’d have to do that he’d never imagined that he had to.

He never thought about it but he still had to and he would never, in his life, forget the expression on your face when he told you that your brother was gone. Tears immediately glossed over the pretty eyes he had stared in so often, how you wanted to ask him what happened but you were stammering over your words barely able to get a breath out. Satoru wanted to die at that moment. He was barely able to continue to sit up when you crashed into him and started to cry and cry and cry. This was the end of Satoru’s relationship with you.

Satoru crumbled under the realization that you didn’t feel the same way about him. Even when you moved in with him for a short time because you didn’t have anywhere to stay, he felt you drift from his fingertips. Just like Suguru had.

You stayed in his guest room day and night until you had to go back to doing missions, you barely came out and when you did, the two of you didn’t interact much. When he tried to talk, you’d just give him sad responses with your voice breaking. It was obvious you didn’t want to talk and Satoru hated it. The delusions that fueled him, which motivated him, had fallen and were just in reach but there was nothing he could do about it except sit and watch as it falls farther and farther out of his reach.

His delusions used to have him bound like it was rope, he could barely breathe without them (without you) nor could he move but now the rope has loosened around his body but his hold on them stayed. Grew tighter even. It was in an attempt to keep you with him, he didn’t want you to leave, he cared too much about you to just watch you leave but just like his attempts to talk to you grew short in fear he’d upset you, his grasp on the rope slipped and he let go. Although the image of that rope was still fresh in his mind, he didn’t try and grab it again. Satoru had realized what he hadn’t before.

He didn’t know anything.

Not even when you finally got your apartment and moved out but as much as he hated the awkwardness between the two of you whenever you both were in the same room, even when accompanied by Shoko, he missed it dearly when you left. He missed you and the brightness you brought to the room when you were in it. He missed the way everything used to be.

You still talked to him and you began to talk more as the months passed but it still wasn’t the same. Satoru’s mind wasn’t the same and the hopeless romantic thought he used to have was back and more depressing than it ever had been despite the smiling front he put on for you. That night you kissed him was pointless now, it didn’t even matter. Nothing mattered because the thoughts of you loving him were gone. He couldn’t protect you and everything fell apart because of it.

When he had taken in Megumi and Tsumiki, a bit of that despair was filled by the joy of having them around but it’d never be gone without you. Especially with the things the kids would say whenever you came around “Oh she looks so pretty! She should be your girlfriend!” “No way! Miss [L/n] is too good for him.” “Megumi, that’s mean…” That conversation he watched the two siblings had made him smile but later when they had gone to bed, he found himself sitting on the edge of his bed thinking about it. Tsumiki had the thoughts he did, she had the hope that he used to have and he pondered if it was worth it to have that hope again.

Those thoughts stayed in his head day and night as he exorcised curses and took care of the children. They were the things he was thinking about when the two kids were at a sleepover one night and when he heard a knock at his door but surprisingly, they faded when he saw your crying face at the door. Every time he saw you at his door, it was with a smile, never with tears as fresh as these and he could only think about what had happened to make you come here.

Long nimble fingers ran up your spine below your shirt to soothe you as you sobbed into Satoru’s chest dampening his white tee. “I’m sorry.” It’s all Satoru could muster up to say to you. You had seen Geto in public, with two girls laughing and talking and you just couldn’t begin to understand why he couldn’t do that with you. Why couldn’t he still be like that with his little sister whom he had sworn to protect? You didn’t dare go over there to them and you just walked away and you kept walking as the sun set and nightfall came until you found your place at Satoru’s door. “He left and he took everything with him but me.” You whispered into his chest through your hiccups and sobs.

“I know how you feel.” The albino-haired man said as his other hand held your head close to his chest as he felt his eyes burning with the saltiness of tears. He felt you move under his touch and looked down to see you staring at him with red eyes, a wet face, and your eyebrows arched high as if you were not just crying a second ago, you looked like a puppy that had been kicked far too many times “...Have you ever wanted to hurt Suguru back? For what he did?” Your question took him off guard and he stared at you shocked in silence for a couple of seconds before he regained himself. His mind was still blank but his mouth had moved on its own “Yes.” He told you and you sat up, hands firmly placed against his chest as you continued to stare at him like a kicked puppy.

Then your arms wrapped around his neck and you pressed your wet face into the crevice of his neck, his hands found their way to your back. “I thought I was alone with those feelings.” You muttered and Satoru felt the warmness of his tears falling onto his cheeks as he tried not to sniffle. His lanky arms went around your torso and hugged them extremely tightly afraid that you’d leap away from him again. If you were to ask anyone besides you and Satoru what happened between the two of you, they’d say that you two stayed close throughout the whole thing and maybe drifted apart during the beginning but stayed close in the end but that’s not what happened in Satoru’s eyes.

In his eyes, you left and you never came back until now. It didn’t matter that you talked to him after because it wasn’t the same as it was before nor was the energy but in this moment, he felt it all coming back. He felt you and he never wanted it to leave again. “You’re never alone as long as I’m alive.” When Satoru said that, he meant it in various ways. He’d never be too far from you as long as he was still breathing and whatever you were feeling, he probably shared them except for one. He still wished that it wasn’t an exception even after all of these years.

He felt your body tense at his words worry filled his eyes as more tears dropped from his white eyelashes. Did you not like what he said? What was it? Was it the tone? The words themselves? What had he done to make you upset? Your face raised from his neck and you looked at him once again with that puppy dog look as he cried in front of you.

There was a long silence and it scared him, were you going to leave? Don’t leave, he thought as he stared at you watching as your expression changed before him. Your eyes glossed over with tears again as your hands snuck their way to his shoulders gripping them tightly, you leaned closer to him quickly, your lips nearly touching his but his hands grabbed the sides of your face stopping you before they could. He saw panic rise in your eyes and yet he didn’t say anything, he didn’t do anything either and just sat there.

“Do you not–” “no…I do.” Your breath hitched at how fast Satoru was to cut you off to correct you “I want to but I want to know if you do.” Satoru said to you, his voice wavering as tears continued to drop from his eyes which he ignored but you didn’t. Satoru had never cried in front of you before nor had you ever heard of such and you understood why…just a bit. You couldn’t word it, you couldn’t think it but you knew. You just knew.

You nodded “Yes, I want you Satoru.” You muttered to him and this is when Satoru knew. He knew that his ‘delusions’ were never delusions and it was the truth. Your words were more than consent, they were a confession that you felt the same. Satoru felt stupid for doubting himself and if he ever told you, there was no doubt that you’d call him stupid too…he knew from the start and thought it was wrong. Satoru has never been wrong, only taken by surprise. 

He didn’t say anything but he finally sniffled allowing you to hear him as tears continuously streamed down his face like a river but a small smile formed on his lips contradicting the tears. Satoru brought your face closer and pushed his lips to yours quickly, nearly giving you whiplash.

Satoru pressed his forehead against yours as the kiss escalated quickly, turning messy and greedy yet it stayed soft and comforting along with his touch on your face. He didn’t grab at it as if he intended to leave marks on your face, he grabbed it like he wanted you to stay and never leave his side. You didn’t intend to.

Breaking the kiss, you saw that Satoru was now completely sobbing. His blue eyes filled with tears and his eyelashes were damp from tears and your eyes filled with worry as you stared at him “‘Toru, please don’t cry…” You said as you guided your hands to his neck and then to his cheeks, holding his face in your hands while trying to wipe away the large globs of tears away from his face but they kept coming and they weren’t stopping. 

Satoru didn’t say anything about his fear of you leaving but you could tell. He held you like he never wanted to see you fade from him, the look in his eyes showed it too. “I’m not going to leave you ‘toru.” You told him whilst keeping eye contact with him. Satoru smiled again and over again, he didn’t say anything and just kissed you softly telling you all of his feelings in that one moment. Your hands found their way to the waistline of his pants and your fingers sunk under it to grab at it. Satoru’s hips bucked up to urge you to keep going and you did.

You were quick to pull his sweats down and he kicked them off leaving him in his boxers and shirt. Satoru broke the kiss this time breathing heavily “Can I take yours off? Please?” The albino-haired man asked eagerly, his hands went to your hips ready to take off the clothes that covered the bottom part of your body “Mhm.” With that, your pants and panties were taken off in a swift movement and discarded throughout the room and you went back to straddling his hips.

He lowered his boxers just a bit so his cock could spring out and stand up straight “Satoru, do you remember that night…at the party?” You asked lining him up with your hole, just hovering over his pink mushroom tip that was leaking pre not ready to sink yet. You looked at his bedside desk and tilted your head there as if to ask if he had condoms and he nodded. “When you were so drunk you could barely stand?” The man asked with a smile on his face watching as you went through the top drawer and quickly found a condom, you let out a small giggle as you opened the package with ease as Satoru helped you continue to hover over him.

“Yeah, I kissed you that night.” You said looking him in the eye as you began to slide the large condom onto his length. His breathing pattern became unsteady at the eye contact you made while doing that and when he glanced down, he felt like he was going to pass out at the sight of your hands at the base of his cock. Satoru hissed as you began to lower yourself down, his covered tip just brushing past your lower lips making the other adult hiss as he gripped the flesh of your hips.

His eyes had squeezed shut but they snapped open realizing what you said “W-What? You remembered that?” When Satoru’s ‘delusions’ (that didn’t seem so delusional now) had faded and he faced reality, he seemed to believe that you were black-out drunk and didn’t know what you were doing. “Yeah, I remember I wanted you to kiss back so badly…I wanted to…go to the bathroom with you during that.” You said feeling a bit embarrassed at your confession as you fully sunk into Satoru’s cock, your ass lying on his thighs. Satoru’s cheeks burned a bright pink at your words, he could barely contain himself right now from your walls hugging him tightly and you had to say that? Even though he had a condom on, it still felt amazing. He could only imagine how good it’d feel if he was fucking you raw.

“I just thought…ugh…you were too drunk,” Satoru muttered as he held onto your hips while looking up at you. He loved how your head did that little tilt and a smile formed on your lips “It’s okay, you can make up for it now.” Your sweet voice said a little above a whisper as your hands that were on his ripped stomach moved up to press on his collarbones before your fingers dug into his shoulders.

Your hips began to roll against Satoru’s pelvis “Ah, feels so good.” You muttered arching your back while you closed your eyes tightly “Open your eyes, I wanna see you.” Satoru said bringing a hand up to hold your cheek making your eyes flutter open to gaze down at him. It was so hard to keep your eyes open when he looked so pretty sitting there trying to hold in his moans and grumbles while you were trying to do the same thing “So-Sorry…ah.” You said as your movements began to grow faster and needier.

The blue-eyed man moaned at the feeling of him rubbing against the ridges of your walls, he felt like he was getting sucked in even further into your cunt. His long fingers traveled to the back of your neck and he pulled you closer so his soft lips could meet yours that were parted widely to release whines. “Mhm…” You moaned into the sloppy open-mouthed kiss. You were already breathing heavily and Satoru thought it was so cute, I mean you hadn’t even started bouncing yet and you were acting like you were already cumming.

His tongue slipped past your lips with ease as the both of you continued to moan like animals in heat “Fuck…” Satoru muttered as he began to assist you in your riding. He began to move you up and down and he swears that he almost died from the sounds that emitted from that act. There was nothing but wet noises like squelches leaving your pussy from the penetration of Satoru’s cock, it was similar to the noises that were coming from the messy makeout the two of you were having.

The man’s hands went to your ass to get a better grip to help you, he was so needy for you. He was practically shoving his tongue down your throat showing his hunger for this kiss and how long he’s waited for it and even the way he bounced you on his cock showed it. Satoru wasn’t trying to hurt you but he wasn’t going easy either, not when he’s wanted to be balls deep inside of your fleshy warmth for so long. He needed more, he needed to be inside. He needed to feel you without this damned condom.

“You feel so good, babydoll,” Satoru said breaking the kiss and only leaving a string of saliva that connected the two of you. He wanted to ask you if he could take it off, he wanted to ask so badly but he didn’t. “Uhn huh…” You moan as you begin to bounce on your own but his hands remain on the fat of your behind as if he needed to grab at it to live.

Your eyes closed once more as you continued to bounce up and down restlessly but this time Satoru couldn’t scold you for it because his eyes were shut too. He could understand why you couldn’t keep your eyes open, he was hitting your sweet spot incredibly hard and it was almost just as pleasurable for him as it was for you “Take it off…” Your babbles almost went unheard by the man, almost. “H-Huh…?” The white-haired man asked with his eyes peeking open just a bit to look at you. You were beginning to sweat but you still looked beautiful.

“Take the condom off ‘toru…” You told him as you opened your eyes and the man stared up at you pondering what you just asked. Satoru always knew that you two had something and it’s like you could read his mind or at least like you knew what he wanted and wanted it as well. “Thank fuck. I needed to feel you so bad…” With that, the man grabbed your torso and flipped you on your back onto the bed.

Instinctively, you pushed your legs up in the air to rest them on his shoulders making him grin lazily but he didn’t say anything and only looked down as he pulled out. He wasted no time slipping off the condom and tossing it into the bin near his bed “Don’t worry, I’ll pull out.” Satoru said grasping your under thigh while making eye contact with you. Small squeals left your throat as you put your hands over your eyes “Stop looking at me…it’s so n-nasty!” You shouted out of embarrassment unable to keep your moans hidden because of the feeling of Satoru pushing into your wet pussy, it felt better this time because it was actually him and not a condom.

“But you were looking at me like this before? You can’t take it now?” He asked looking at you with a teasing grin as you looked at him through the gaps between your fingers “Ugh, i-it’s so…m-much.” You said getting even more flustered as he began to move inside of you. It felt so much more filthy because you could feel him, every inch as he rubbed against your walls without that stupid barrier keeping his skin from touching yours. “Ha…you feel fucking amazing.” Satoru moaned as his pelvis slapped harshly against your hind thighs, he was not planning on being nice tonight.

But from the way you were moaning, you didn’t mind it one bit but it seemed like you didn’t want him to continue his strokes by the way you were squeezing around him. Like you never wanted to let go of him. “Ng–Ahh! I-I love it s’much!” Satoru leaned down and moved your shirt up as he delivered kisses to your stomach, it only made you squirm more underneath him. Your hands flew to his wrists as you moved up and down the bed, only the pillows above you kept your head from hitting the headboard.

“I love you Satoru! M-Makin’ me feel so good, uhn!” You shouted digging your nails into the sensitive flesh of his wrists. Your moans were enough for Satoru to cum on the spot but he didn’t although he was really close, to stop himself from moaning, he bit into your tummy but held himself back from biting too hard “You really love…me?” Satoru asked into your skin tilting his head up to look at you through his long eyelashes. He grunted as you tightened around him again, your walls fluttering warning your release “Uh huh! I really do!” Satoru got even more of an adrenaline rush at your words. You loved him, you did.

You said it during the heat of the moment and you said it before (in a way) so you really meant it. “Fuck, fuck.” Satoru said as his hips sped up rapidly. His tip bullied your sweet spot relentlessly making your legs quake on his shoulders while your loud whines bounced off the walls of his bedroom “Are you close?” The fair-skinned man asked as he raised his face from your tummy to look at you again. Satoru was so close and your blissed face was not helping, not that he hated it, but he wanted to make sure that you came.

Not even being able to form words, you only babbled something along the lines of ‘yes’ while nodding your head “B-Baby…” You moaned arching up from the mattress and making your head dig into the comfiness of the pillows, you felt yourself cumming all over Satoru with a yelp leaving your lips. It just kept coming and it felt like it wasn’t going to stop, probably the best orgasm you ever had and even Satoru moaned at the feeling. 

“Shit, gotta…hah…gotta p-pull out.” The albino-haired man said breathlessly while continuing to thrust into your wet cunt until he felt himself letting go. Satoru was quick to pull out and spurt his cum all over your revealed tummy which had little kisses from his wet lips littered along it. 

His blue eyes rolled damn near to the back of his skull as you let out softer and quieter moans at the feeling of his warm seed spreading across your skin. Satoru breathed heavily while he came down from his high but then he heard soft sobs coming from below drawing his attention. There you were rubbing your hands against your eyes while you wept and it confused him, had he done something wrong? Did he hurt you? That was the last thing he wanted to do to you. 

Satoru grabbed you by your shoulders allowing your legs to drop to his sides “[N/n], are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He asked helping you up and you immediately threw your arms over him to hug him tightly. You continued to cry into his embrace while shaking your head at his question “T-Then what’s wrong?” He asked concerned but you didn’t reply to that either and your cry only got louder.

“Don’t leave me Satoru, p-please.” You said hiccuping mid-sentence because of how hard you were crying into him. The man froze at your words while you rubbed your face into his body “Please, you’re the only one I have left.” You cried bringing your face into the side of his neck and Satoru understood. Suguru was gone and he was never coming back, as much as he didn’t want you to leave, you didn’t want him to leave either.

Satoru got even closer to you and put his arms around you too “I won’t. I never will.” He told you quietly as you continued to cry and cry into him. Satoru knew your feelings were hurt terribly and that’s why he needed you to know that he would never go anywhere, he would always be here for you. Satoru was never going to leave you. You had to know that.

©torasplanet .ᐟ reblogs and likes are very appreciated! pls do not repost!!

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Vienna (S.R.)

*as always, the gif is not indicative of Reader's appearance.

Summary: Spencer is a bona fide 40-year-old virgin. After a few months of dating Reader, he finally decides he wants to change that. Based on "Vienna" by Billy Joel. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Virgin!Spencer, Spencer POV, established relationship loss of virginity, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex Word Count: 3k

MASTERLIST

I’d often wondered whether my preternatural love for autumn was part of why my life had turned out the way it had. As if my love for late-blooming flowers was built into my biology. Something innate in me that carried with it a promise for a lonely youth.

For a long time, I thought my state of waiting might be fated. Eternal celibacy seemed inevitable. As I watched the years pass by, I’d even started to find some comfort in knowing that there was still a part of me left untouched. Something that could be truly mine in a way things so rarely are.

I was resigned to a life filled to the brim with platonic intimacy. It had been a good life; a happy life. I had a family, albeit not in the ordinary sense of the word. But deep within me, in that 21 ounces that pseudoscience claims to constitute a soul, the longing never ceased. It persisted for nearly forty years.

And then I found her.

She walked into my life with little fanfare. Meeting her felt like finding the answer to an impossible equation after lifetimes of searching.

There had never been a dull moment with her. There was never a lapse in the conversation to permit for any awkward misunderstandings.

The first time that she kissed me, it felt nothing like the times before. It was soft and unassuming, like she were a natural extension of myself.

If one must fall into love, she caught me before my brain could even comprehend it was happening. There was no nauseating sunken stomach, no breathless anxiety of whether or not I was making a mistake.

The first night we were alone, she’d held my face in the dim light. I thought then that my lifetime of waiting had finally come to pass.

She’d only needed a moment of vulnerability to read my soul with the highest proficiency.

With an unrivaled tenderness, she’d told me that she had sensed my innocence the first day we met. That night, and every opportunity since, she had assured me that her love was not conditioned on a physical intimacy. Our life would be beautiful regardless of what it looked like, and she saw no need to fuss over something as simple as sex.

Her assurances had been unnecessary. It had hardly been a month before I found myself eager to give away what I’d once held dear.

Even without a faultless memory, I would always remember the first time she touched me without inhibition. I would forever cherish each of the times that I found myself through an exploration of her.

I had always heard the time-old adage, ‘when it’s right, you’ll know,’ and the skeptic in me doubted whether it could be true for someone like me.

But it was. Because that night, I knew. The same as I knew that the sky appears blue when it is closer to violet and that the color of grass depends on a multitude of factors, I knew that my waiting had come to an end.

I knew because it felt right when she walked into my room with faded lipstick and yet another wonderful memory. That quiet moment felt as fated as the first time I met her. That heaviness in my chest lifted when she turned to look at me, as if my soul had finally found its other half.

I approached her without words because they felt so unnecessary. I wrapped my arms around her instead, pulling her back against my chest and reveling in the warmth she provided.

She placed her hands over mine and fell back against me like a weary traveler who’d finally found their way home. I thought to myself that falling in love should always feel that way.

My lips found their way to her neck with a similar familiarity. I littered her with kisses, forever seeking the satisfaction of her sighs. I listened to each full inhale and felt the way her body moved with the breath.

The smell of her perfume would fill my lungs better than oxygen ever could. But as her skin grew feverish, so too did my lips. Chaste pecks turned to open mouthed kisses that were better spent on her.

I pulled away but lingered. I pressed my cheek against her jaw and my breath shook with excitement.

“I don’t want to wait forever,” I whispered into her ear, “I want you.”

She turned her head ever so slightly, pressing our cheeks together until I couldn’t resist the urge to kiss her. Before my lips could make it, though, she spoke the words I knew to be true but always loved to hear.

“You have me,” she said.

I believed her. I felt my belonging in the literal and metaphorical sense. I lifted a hand and pressed it against her chest to feel the soft thrumming of her heart.

Carefully, and taking the time to linger, my hands began removing her clothing. I took my time in a way I rarely ever did. Because was the kind of masterpiece that needed to be appreciated for every freckle and scar. Each perceived imperfection was nothing but the history of her, the proof of a life well-lived.

Her experience bled through to her behavior when she was bare. Although she still had her bashful moments, it didn’t take much persuading for her to drop her arms and turn to face me.

I stared with my usual awestruck expression. My eyes roamed along with my hands. They ended on either side of her smile, which was broken by laughter.

“Your turn,” she giggled.

My heart threatened to stop. Not because of nerves or insecurity, but because she looked so impossibly beautiful, and she was mine.

Her fingers were delicate but quick to undo my shirt. I wondered how it could be that someone could touch me without my needing to recoil.

I leaned into her touch, only slightly, and I sighed with relief when she finally released the pressure around my waist.

She didn’t take anything off. Instead, she slid her fingers underneath the loosened clothing. She explored skin that was normally hidden with an undeniable affection.

She looked at me much the same.

“We don’t have to do this,” she offered. Her voice was so gentle that scarred skin still broke into goosebumps at the sound of it.

I answered her offer by taking it upon myself to remove my clothing. Each piece that fell to the ground felt like the end of something.

Looking at her felt like a beginning.

Whether it was my fear of inadequacy or just the usual, simple overwhelming love I felt for her, I didn’t let her stare. Instead, I pulled her closer until our bare chests touched. Also between us was the evidence of my desire, burning hot and aching to be held by her.

A shaky breath slipped through her lips before I kissed her. I kissed her again, harder, and more insistent than ever before.

She laughed. I did, too.

“You’re the most beautiful thing in all of creation,” I murmured absentmindedly against her lips.

Still smiling, she grabbed hold of one of my hands before she pulled away from me. At first, I thought she was leading us to the bed. But then she spun around on her foot, displaying the entirety of her naked body for my adoration.

“You’d better take a closer look, then,” she said.

“I could never forget,” I reminded.

She knew that, though. That’s why she tempted me the way she did, so that I would remember perfectly how we looked in that moment.

I would see the motion in her body just before I pushed her back against my bed. I served witness to the way she made herself comfortable in a matter of seconds. Her body writhed with anticipation, her skin a perfect contrast to the sheets beneath her.

She was so beautiful in her vulnerability. I could tell she felt the same simply by the way that she looked at me.

As I climbed atop her, I tried to stop my arms from shaking. Her hand reached up to cup my cheek. I nearly fell limp in her embrace. I stumbled forward still, falling onto my forearm so that I could free a hand to feel her.

My hand slid between her open legs at the same time she reached between us. Her fingers felt scorching around the base of me. I imagine mine felt equally paralyzing as they dipped between slick folds.

We groaned in tandem at the sensation. The anticipation heightened with our quickened breath. She was already practically sobbing as I dragged my fingers down warm walls and imagined once more what it would feel like to be welcomed into her fullest embrace.

I was surprised to find how much her hand fumbled, how unpracticed she seemed when faced with my ultimate submission.

Dare I say, she almost seemed nervous. Yet I would never be anywhere near dissatisfaction. I was quite the opposite, already aching for the release that only she could give me.

“Do you want to do this?”

I was surprised to hear the question uttered in my own voice.

But I was so happy to hear her answer, “Yes.”

Then, with a lovesick smile that would always seem too good to be true, she teased, “I’m ready when you are.” 

I returned it with a taunt of my own. I withdrew my fingers and spread the remnants of her desire over her heat.

“I can tell.”

Like always, she accepted it with grace, and her own clever retort.

“I guess there really is something to that genius thing after all.”

But when the jokes were over, I was lost in the wonder once more. My whole body felt aflame with lust and lover for her the very moment that her legs fell further open.

I looked down at the way her chest heaved and her stomach tensed. Her back was arching like every part of her sought closeness.

As if her body had been begging: I love you, let me shelter you.

She must have seen how foreign the feeling was to me, because as soon as I felt the familiar warmth of tears gathering in my eyes, her grip turned gentle. One leg hooked around my waist and pulled me closer until I could feel the velvety slickness against the head of my cock.

“How about I help you with this part?” she offered.

I lowered my hand to join hers before I replied, “Together.”

“Together,” she promised.

True to her word, she helped guide me to her entrance before her hand slipped away. It found me again shortly thereafter when both of her arms were thrown around my shoulders.

I pushed forward to find a slight resistance. My breath caught in my throat, my whole body halting without any command.

“Keep going,” she said breathlessly, “It’s okay.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I explained.

She silenced any further protest by rooting her hands in my hair and pulling me in for a kiss. My hips fell forward from the momentum, sinking a few more inches into the blinding, blissful heat of her.

I tried to accommodate the feeling of her the same way her body tried to make room for me. Each twitch of my cock was returned with her walls closing in on me. Every one of her limbs begged for more of me, and I wanted so badly to give it.

But I was still bashful, still frightened by the possibility of hurting her somehow.

She ended the kiss prematurely. Before she could speak, she whimpered. Her eyes opened to reveal mirrors into myself. A vulnerability, a belonging beyond the physical.

Her body begged me, and I answered. I pressed forward, sinking into her inch by inch until there was nothing more to give. I reveled in the soft sounds of her pleasure, the way her whimpers turned to wanton moans.

“I love you through infinity,” I whispered against her lips.

“I love you, too,” she returned dreamily.

Her body was pulsing around me with a burning heat and unrivaled softness. I felt the shelter of her, the vulnerability of her embrace. There was no greater reward than the knowing that she allowed me, begged for me to claim the empty space in her body.

“You are…”

I struggled to find the words to explain the thought.

She found them for me.

“Yours,” she slurred, “I’m yours, Spencer.”

My hips moved without thought. They bucked forward and caused moans to spill from both our lips.

I became greedy quickly. I desperately sought to hear her again, to experience again the novel wonder that was her body. I pulled my hips back and focused on the way her walls clenched tighter, begging me to stay.

I returned to them immediately. I thrusted forward, faster than before and with enough force to set her body in motion.

Her mouth was open, alternating between simple, wonderful sounds and a lack of them altogether. The twisted tension, the unmuted pleasure of half-lidded eyes and flushed lips, it made me realize how badly I’d craved this experience all my life.

Again, my hips crashed into hers. I fucked her harder and took pride in the way her nails dug into my skin. I wanted her to claim me with the same animalistic nature that I displayed.

“I’ve waited my whole life for you,” I told her between brutal thrusts.

Like always, she understood the meaning behind the words. She could feel the decades of yearning with every motion. Each time that I bottomed out inside her, she would praise me, worship me, love me.

I didn’t expect her to respond with anything more than her body. It spoke so eloquently. Her back arched and her nails dragged down my shoulders as she struggled to keep hold.

To relieve her of the need, I straightened my back and sat up. With both hands, I pulled her hips up to meet mine.

“Fuck!” she squeaked.

I understood what she’d meant. The new angle felt entirely different, impossibly better than the one from mere seconds before.

“Are you alright?” I asked, anyway.

“Yes,” she said with a quick nod, “Yes, you’re perfect.”

My long dormant ego swelled at the praise. It turned my lips into a smirk and made my hands pull her even closer.

I watched with rapt attention as I pulled out of her. It seemed so intimate—was so intimate—that I couldn’t break away. Fascinated by the way her body accepted me, I continued to watch where we joined as I pulled her hips back to me. 

“You look so beautiful like this,” I groaned.

So elegant, so submissive and pliant as I filled her with the full length of my desire.

“You do, too,” she giggled.

I looked up to see her, and, immediately, I missed her. Without even taking the time to readjust her hips, I moved forward until our lips met.

She gasped at the pleasurable pain when I found a new depth of her. She swallowed my moans the same way her heat accepted me.

It was all so new, so overwhelming and invigorating that I couldn’t stop myself. My movements became sloppy and insistent. Her body folded beneath mine at the same time her arms fell on the bed. She gripped the sheets with a vengeance.

Open and wanting, her chest heaved, and her small voice managed to call my name.

“Do it, Spencer,” she pleaded with her everything, “Come for me.”

Without a single hesitation, I did. Unaware of how close I’d even come; I gave one more unrelenting thrust before I was hit with a truly staggering wave of pleasure.

As I emptied myself inside of her, the warmth pooled around what was an already burning heat. Each pulse came with bucking hips. Every time, her body tightened around me and prolonged the pleasure.

“I love you,” I chanted while the world felt far away.

She had never felt closer.

“I love you,” we said together just as I fell limp in her arms.

Breathless and with fast-beating hearts, I melted into her embrace without regret. I felt the sticky warmth as it filled every particle that remained between our joined bodies.

It was the most heavenly bliss, to feel so thoroughly loved.

Yet she was the one to say it first.

“Thank you,” she slurred.

“It was my pleasure,” I chuckled back. I’d meant it literally and in the traditional, colloquial sense.

The kindness continued when she was finally able to move again. She didn’t go far. Instead, she wrapped lazy arms around me and tilted her head back so that I could nuzzle further against her shoulder.

“Was it worth the wait?” she asked cheekily.

But I noticed the way her voice still shook. She would blame the exhaustion, but I could tell that she was nervous.

There was no reason for her to be. Regret was the furthest thing from my thoughts.

“Yes, it was,” I assured her.

Then, because she deserved to hear it and because it was the undeniable truth, I explained, “It had to be you. It would have always been you.”

“Are you saying I was meant to be yours?” she giggled.

“No,” I corrected with a smile, “I’m saying I was meant to be yours.”

“Split the difference?” she offered.

“Not a chance,” I scoffed.

“Fine,” she sighed happily. “I guess you’re mine.”

And I took comfort in knowing that everything was finally, exactly how it was meant to be.

(Tell me what you thought about this fic here!)

Reid Taglist (Everything Reid): @mrs-dr-reid , @dreatine , @hopefulfangirl24 , @laurakirsten0502 , @dontcallmekittens , @rintheemolion , @andreasworlsboring101 , @imsuperawkward , @wentz2005 , @lovejules888 , @dashneydanger , @materialisthicc , @violetspoetic , @mslowlife

Complete Taglist (All Works): @cynbx , @emsma11 , @mediocre-writer , @fightingdragonswithwho , @andiebeaword , @jayyeahthatsme

Thanks for reading!

[tmwcs]

Myyy loveeeee, i just read the Heethan imagine withe period on the Bed. What would heethan do if we got a period stain in public? (It happend to me in 8the grade, i didnr go to school for 3 days cuse i was sooo embaressed XD)

Love youuuu❤️🫶🏼

“Sorry about that babe…”

Warnings: Some minor fluff, reader has her period unexpectedly, public humiliation, think that's it really.

Hope you guys enjoy this Drabble. Ngl I think this happens to the best of us, so my dear @lisaaannna, you aren’t alone in this.

Thank you for taking the time and reading my stories and drabbles. To show your support, please consider donating into my ko-fi account ♥️

“Pretty baby! Are you ready?” 

“Coming down!” 

Responding to Heeseung’s call, you make your way down the stairs hastily, phone in hand, and a soft smile on your face to greet him with. “Sorry, babe.” 

“No worries, are you okay?” His voice published a sense of concern after noting that you took a bit longer in getting ready, yet you weren’t elaborately dressed or decorated. Donning a simple sundress with subtle low heeled sandals, you nod in reassurance as he receives you in front of the last step. Quietly, you inform him of the false arrival of your time of the month. “Yeah I’m fine, I had some minor cramping and figured it was…you know– but it ended up being a false alarm. It will probably hit later this week.” 

Raising his hand, he delicately cups your cheek and stares intently into your eyes. “You sure you feel okay going out today?” 

Eagerly, you nod once more as you give your answer, expressing an adorning look from his affectionate sense of concern. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m excited!” 

His eyes shift low as he gives a single nod with a faint smirk. Taking you by the hand, he kisses your forehead and leads you out the door. The group had planned well ahead of time for this day to come, the opening of a new theme park. Everything had been coordinated months ago, and the tickets had all been pre-bought to secure everyone’s attendance at the festive opening of the new resort. It wasn’t a day that you could possibly give up, not after waiting for so long, especially since you had been looking forward to going with Heeseung, considering you both had yet to attend such a fun-filled event. Though he displayed his usual reserved and stoic countenance, he was just as eager to take you out. Any moment where he found himself spending an entire day doing everything with you, became the highlight of his life. Even though he prefers to stay at home with you, he realizes that taking you out on recreational dates was something you desired and appreciated, and he was happy to oblige so long as you met his demands to remain by his side, never to stray off, and to not associate with anyone. All of which was non-negotiable of course, yet you didn’t mind. 

The drive was long, nearly three hours. You and the crew headed out first thing in the morning to avoid traffic, and just as planned, you all arrived at perfect timing. Parking wasn’t an issue, the lines were short, and everyone was able to dip into the food stands before the area became too crowded. Taking a map, H/Nl suggests starting at Harry Potter’s World, and migrating to all the other regions from there on. 

The clock strikes noon and everyone had already been having a blast. Exploring the mapped out regions, hopping on one ride after another, you and Heeseung partook on the park’s more thrilling rides. You swore, this man was not afraid of anything, for even the most intimidating roller coasters had barely caused him to blink an eye when reaching the peak of its enthralling feature. You couldn’t say the same for yourself since you had grabbed onto his arm and buried your face into his bicep at the start of every ride. Nevertheless, you both were having a great time. 

“Anyone else hungry?” One of the boys vocalizes, to which everyone agreed and opted to go back to the food stands to grab lunch. Finishing up, you guys went back into exploring the remainder of the themed regions in the park, walking from one area to the next. The resort became overbearing as more people started to show up, causing the park to become overcrowded. Still, everyone was determined to explore the rest of the area, and so, you all headed towards the next themed region. While walking, you held hands with Heeseung, often glancing over to take in the sight of him sipping on his rather large drink. You chuckled as he puckered his lips around the straw, and were about to ask him if he was having a good time when unexpectedly, you felt a familiar sense that leaked its way out and started to flow from in between your thighs. 

A sudden rush of warm liquid that dispensed all too quickly, and even though you came prepared with the necessities to contain it, there wasn’t a restroom station nearby for you to tend to the matter. It wouldn’t have made a difference anyhow, much to your despair, since the flow was constant and already dripping down your legs. In a sudden notion, you reached out and grabbed onto Heeseungs arm while your steps came to a halt. He was in mid step when he felt you abruptly grab onto his arm. Turning half way around, he notices the wide eyed stare you dispelled onto the ground, along with the quiet burst of short gasps that escaped your lips. Something was wrong, and he didn’t need to stare at your face long for him to see it. Just as he was about to ask, a crimson trail making its way down your leg catches his eye, in plain sight for the world to see. Moving the slightest bit didn’t help, the movement caused the blood to seep out faster, you were helplessly frozen and didn’t know what to do. 

A large group from behind walks in your direction, and you begin to dread the humiliation that was forthcoming once they take notice of the stains in your dress, and the bright red coating of your legs with the blood pooling in the heel of your sandals. If that wasn’t bad enough, the crew that you came along with turned around after noticing that you and Heeseung were behind, and began to retract their steps to see what was up. A string of individuals and couples pass by and take notice, already making whispering comments that drowns you in a whirlpool of embarrassment. Trapped in between the oncoming crowds, you closed your eyes as your lips began to quiver, when suddenly you felt a cold splash hit you. 

Gasping at the brusque sensation, you look around to find that you were covered from the waist down in red fluid, one that was not leaking out from in between your legs. The ends of your hair had become drenched from the splash, and you look up to see Heeseung standing before you with his cup in hand, completely emptied. The scent of a cherry flavored punch hits your nostrils, you stood confused and stunned upon realizing that he had poured his entire jumbo sized beverage all over you. “Sorry about that babe.” 

You uttered your soft whimpers, trying to formulate words but nothing came out. H/N and Jake arrive with the rest of the group behind them, all in shock at the sight of what looked to be a freak accident. 

“Oh my gosh! Y/N! Are you okay? What happened?” 

H/N assesses the damage, and takes note of the empty cup in Heeseung’s hand, with hints of the juicy residue decorating the rim and dripping on the sides of the container. The plastic lid and straw lay pitifully by your feet, and you remain in shock as you feel yourself bleeding out. 

“My fault, I spilled my drink on her by accident when she asked for a sip.” Heeseung nonchalantly tells the group as he tosses the cup into a nearby trash bin. “Let me take you home, yeah? We should get this off before it ruins your dress.” Taking you by the hand, he walks you to exit the theme park and leads you back to his car. Everyone looked and stared for a moment, remarking how there must have been an incident that resulted in someone obviously spilling their drink on you. Thanks to the red coloring of the juice, every one you had walked passed on your way to the exit wasn't able to notice the blood that continuously dripped from beneath your dress. Opening the door for you, Heeseung sits you down, not at all concerned about the juice–or the blood getting on the seats. “Don’t worry about that babe, that can be taken out.” 

As if he read your mind, he comforts you by expressing his lack of concern for the stain and instead looks at you, flaring a soft smirk. “Seatbelt, beautiful.” 

He gently shuts the door and walks around to the driver’s seat. Starting the car, he doesn’t say a word and acts completely neutral, leaving no hints of intention in explaining the reasoning behind his actions, even though by now it became obvious to you. With your eyes becoming shiny from the tears that were forming, you felt overwhelmed by his quick reaction in saving you from the humiliation that was knocking at your door. But it wasn't just his instinctive reaction, it was the careful and considerate measure of preparations that came along with it.

You had to hear him say it. You had to hear him tell you in his own words why he did it. Why he got cherry flavored punch in a large size, knowing full well that he didn't like fountain drinks because they were too sweet for his liking, especially flavors with red coloring because they contained the most sugar. Yet he had purchased it and took minimal sips as he carried it along, stating that he didn't mind holding onto it even though you offered to take it off his hands, especially when you felt how cold his skin had become from single handedly carrying it during the lengthy walk. You had to hear him tell you...because it was moments like this that reminded you why you fall for this man every day, despite suffering his abrasive sense of love and affection, all drafted by the heavy flaws of obsession, possessiveness.

“...Did…”

“Hmm?” he looks up, slightly raising a brow as he maintains that soft and gentle smirk. “Yes baby?”

“Did you…was that because…”

“What are you trying to say pretty?”

Looking at him with glistening eyes, a single tear escapes your ducts and travels down your cheek. 

“Oh you must be sad because I spilled my drink on you. I’m sorry about that, I had a moment of clumsiness.” Putting the car in reverse, he smoothly backs the car out of the parking space, and maintains his focus on the road as he switches back over to drive. “Tell you what kiddo…” 

Heading towards the main exit, he keeps his eyes on the road as he vocals out his resolve. 

“Why don’t I make it up to you by taking you home, and while you clean yourself up, I’ll get your favorite pastries and make you some tea, and we can sit in and watch some movies. Hmm?” 

You softly smiled as the downpour of tears took over your expression. You quietly mouthed out “thank you” and watched as he let out a faint chuckle while staring down at the steering wheel, waiting at a red light with an expression on his face that was most melancholy.

“For what? It was my fault that we had to leave early, the least I can do is spoil you for the rest of the evening…and tomorrow…maybe even for the next few days.” Looking back into your eyes, he nearly whispers as he raises a hand, and gently drags his finger up along your cheek, collecting the tear drop against his knuckle. “At least let me take care of you for a little while…to make up for my dumb mistake.”

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️  ☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

[sitp-recs]

hey liv!! my gf moves back home and away from me soon its been an emotional time in our household do you have any drarry recs that involve them long distancing/waiting for the other to come back to them ❤️‍🩹 thanks for all your work appreciate you !

I’m so sorry to hear that anon, sending hugs your way. It’s tough to navigate long-distance relationships but I know you guys will find your way back to each other soon enough ❤️‍🩹 I hope these recs can offer you some comfort:

Relic Radiation by @tackytigerfic (M, 1k)

Draco goes into space, leaving behind his son Scorpius (who has just started at Hogwarts, at least), and his not-quite-boyfriend Harry Potter. But Harry can't stop loving Draco just because he's approximately 408km up, in constant orbit.

On Your Way by @lqtraintracks (M, 2k)

Draco waits for Harry to return from an Auror mission.

Mad Blood Stirring by provocative_envy (E, 3k) - AU

It's not like they've been angrily hooking up on the sly since meeting at a Juniors skills camp in fucking Manitoba four years ago, except that's exactly what they've been doing.

Litany by thistle_verse (M, 7k)

With the wizarding world on lockdown due to a magic-draining pandemic, Harry is stuck in Grimmauld Place, bored and alone—until the ghost of Draco Malfoy shows up to haunt him.

Service Bell by @shiftylinguini (E, 8k)

Draco is: a werewolf, living in a cabin in the woods, minding his own business, and never going to buy plaid because he's not that much of a fucking cliche (yet). He's also counting down the days until he sees Harry again.

i wake up falling, orphaned (M, 9k)

Draco’s always leaving, one way or another. Harry’s usually 240 thousand miles too late.

‘Til Our Compass Stands Still by china_nightingale (M, 9k)

Harry and Draco eventually realise that things don't always go to plan, even if it's a plan they've been carefully crafting to keep themselves safe from each other.

Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (M, 15k)

Every single one of Harry’s exes has gone on to marry the next person they date, and with the upcoming nuptials of numbers six and seven to each other, Harry’s feeling exhausted by it all. It doesn’t really matter if he lets people assume Draco Malfoy is his boyfriend for a moment of peace. In any case, Draco’s been away for five years and there’s no way he would find out, right?

Sunseeker by @shiftylinguini (E, 15k)

Harry is a struggling writer. Namely, he is struggling with: writing his next book, dealing with his agent, finding a decent tea strainer, fielding his friend's concern over the aforementioned book, and figuring out who the cat loitering in his garden belongs to. He also has a slight liking-Malfoy problem. Okay, he has a massive liking-Malfoy problem.

Unfinished Business by cupiscent (E, 20k)

Ten years after the War ends, Harry and Draco still haven't got their act together. But maybe it's not too late.

Just Give Me a Reason by sassy_cissa (E, 24k)

It's easy to misunderstand a situation when you're in the same country – when your new boyfriend is thousands of miles away, it's nearly impossible. Toss in an unexpected pregnancy, an ex-boyfriend and The Prophet with its exaggerations and it's no wonder Draco is confused.

Running on Air by eleventy7 (T, 75k)

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

Tapestry by @kbrick (E, 91k)

This is a love story that isn't perfect, about two people whose timing is never quite right, and all the moments that come together to make something extraordinarily beautiful anyway.

[mlmxreader]

Another Chance | Johnny Cage x m!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ oo! okay saw the prompt list, and i would LOVE a johnny cage x m!reader with “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel the same” and “I never wanted anybody more than i wanted you” where maybe their both actors who played love interests while actually dating but broke up and they end upon the same press tour (and hotel) because of a movie ❞

: ̗̀➛ breaking up with Johnny was the worst heartbreak you could have ever suffered, but even then, you're still willing to give him another chance when you happen to meet up again.

: ̗̀➛ swearing, smoking, angst

•──────────────────★•♛•★─────────────────•

It was an absolute fucking nightmare. You had been hired to play Johnny’s love interest in a Western film he was working on, and while things started out great, it soon fell through; he was busy all the time, and you were constantly in and out of each other’s lives between your jobs and personal commitments.

It was a shame, as you never actually stopped feeling for him in the slightest; the day you had agreed to break up was the worst in your life, and you had spent pretty much days tethered to your bed and refusing to budge. You kept the doors locked, refused to answer your phone even when your friends begged and pleaded for your attention for even just a moment.

You were running away from everything and everyone, wanting to escape the pain of knowing that you could never be with the man you loved; you needed him, but you couldn’t have him. Whenever people walked by your home, they always used that nobody was in, letters and parcels piling up in the porch; you just wanted Johnny.

You had hoped to be the man of his dreams, but obviously, you could never be such a thing.

When your agent contacted you, you were reluctant to pick up the phone, but you knew that if you didn’t, he would be bursting through the door and nearly taking the damn thing off of its hinges; he told you when the press tour for your latest film - the one you had just before you and Johnny had broken up - was scheduled and where your first stop would be.

You told him to make up a lie about how you were sick, but he told you that if you didn’t go, he would cancel your meeting with one of your favourite horror directors who you were hoping would give you a job.

He was well known for his insatiable appetite for gore and violence, his first film was about a group of kids at a cabin infected by something unknown, and you had been a huge fan of his work since; so you agreed, and told your agent that you would be there when you needed to be but no earlier.

For the days leading up to it, you tore yourself apart; your last press tour had been your favourite, and left you with happy memories that were all too painful. You and Johnny together, the perfect picture of a happy couple; so perfectly imperfect.

You tore yourself apart thinking about him, thinking about how he wouldn’t be there with you. Revisiting all those memories and how much you hated how they hurt.

Even when you arrived at the hotel you would be staying at, all you could do was flop down on your bed and cry into the pillows; it hurt to think that every single second only reminded you of Johnny. The fact that he wasn’t there. The dull ache in your chest soon became a gaping void that caused a sharp sting to run through your body.

You weren’t sure what had convinced you to do it, maybe it was the fact that you hadn’t eaten in so long and the hash browns smelled so good, but you did end up going down to the hotel’s buffet; you were ravenous, but looking at food only made you feel sick.

You settled on a cup of coffee, and headed outside to the smoking area as soon as you could; it was quiet, and lonely, but you only had yourself to blame for it all. Smoking your cigarette until a shadow paused in front of you.

“Hello, handsome.”

You looked up, shaking your head a little as your gaze settled on Johnny. “Mister Cage…”

“Why the formality?” He scoffed, sitting down next to you and raising a brow. 

You glared at him for a moment. “Sorry, was I meant to treat you like you didn’t break my heart?”

Johnny frowned, clearing his throat as he shifted in his seat for a second. “Broke my own, too.”

“No, it didn’t,” you sighed, shaking your head. “Just… leave me alone, Johnny… you shouldn’t fucking be here…”

“I’m booked here,” he told you. “I’ve got to promote Fabuless.”

Oh, right. His film. Shit. You forgot about that, and your agent didn't fucking tell you, either.

“Right…”

“Listen,” he whispered, nudging your shoulder. “I wish, every day, we could’ve done things different… you’re my Ennis Del Mar.”

You sighed heavily as you moved away from him. “I can’t go through that again…”

“I went to your house,” Johnny admitted. “Nobody was in, so I left… but I wanted to tell you, just one last time: I never wanted anybody more than I wanted you. Still do.”

“Johnny, don’t,” you whispered. “I was a fucking fool to think that we could ever work out.”

“C’mon,” he chuckled sadly. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same. Tell me you don’t wish we were still together.”

“I can’t.”

“So give it another chance,” he told you. “We’re on the same tour, we’re in the same hotel - why not?”

You swallowed thickly; you knew it would only end in heartbreak, you knew that it would only end badly and that the relationship would fall through again, but… but you loved Johnny.

You could never stop loving him, and you would have crossed a thousand seas just to give him even a sign that you loved him. So you nodded, and you cleared your throat. 

“Alright.”

Johnny grinned, unable to contain his excitement as he pressed a sloppy kiss to your cheek, making you laugh as you weakly shoved him away. “Still the Ennis Del Mar to my Jack Twist.”

“Shut up,” you laughed, shaking your head.

He took the cigarette from you, stealing a drag before handing it back. “Is your bed cold?”

“No,” you told him. “Why would it be cold?”

“Mine is,” he said. “You should come over, help me warm it up.”

You rolled your eyes, not wanting to laugh and smile at his stupid comments. He was still the same Johnny Cage you used to love, even down to the stupidly expensive sunglasses and pricey haircut.

You couldn’t live with him, but you couldn’t live without him, and if you were honest, you were a little unsure of what to do. You didn’t want to be without him again, but you knew that it was inevitable; you knew that there would come a day when the relationship would fall through again and you would be back to square one.

But maybe, just maybe, for the tour you could chase some of that happiness that you used to have with him. Maybe it would break your heart even more than it did last time, but you loved him enough to give it another go and to try again. 

[ladytauria]

cheering up big brother

Pairing: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd Rating: E Words: 8.7k

Dick has girlfriends, but he still fucks around with Jason. It’s the kind of scumbag thing that Jason knows Robin—or Nightwing, or Batman��would put a stop to… but he lets it happen anyway. Because it’s Dick, and he’s everything Jason has ever wanted. After Dick’s latest break-up, Jason goes to him to cheer up the only way he knows how: by offering his body. Dick takes.

This was written for DickJay Week 2024, for the day 7 prompt: Robin Jason. It's... a couple days late xD Thank you so much to @this-was-a-terrible-idea for reading this for me <333

I hope you enjoy!

>> Read on AO3 <<

Jason bites his lip as he steps inside Dick’s room. He shuts the door softly behind him. The room is unusually dark. The ceiling light is off. The curtains are drawn. The only light comes from Dick’s bedside lamp, turned to its dimmest setting. The light is dim and golden, making the shadows of the room look so much darker and longer in comparison. Dick is a lump on the bed, blankets pulled up to his ear.

Jason’s approaches tentatively. His legs nearly touch the edge of the bed before Dick speaks.

“Go away, Jason.” Dick doesn’t even bother to look at him when he says it. He sounds like every annoyed older brother Jason has ever heard on TV.

The nerves twisting in Jason’s belly get worse; like thorny vines, constricting around his insides and poking them sharply.

He swallows, and fidgets with the tie of his bathrobe. “I, uh… I thought you might want some company,” he says softly.

“I don’t.”

Dick’s tone is harsh. Sharp. Jason doesn’t take it personally.

Or… He tries not to.

Jason knows Dick is hurting right now. Dick’s been dating a lot, but none of his girlfriends ever stick around. Not since Kori. Jason doesn’t know all of the details of their break-up, but he knows it hurt Dick. Bad. Even if they are still friends. Every subsequent break-up sends him spiraling into that same sour mood.

Doesn’t help that he and Bruce have started fighting more again, too. There for a bit, Jason had thought things were looking up, but…

Apparently not.

Anyway. Dick is just— He’s hurting. He’s not really angry at Jason.

“Okay,” he says, fidgeting in place for a moment. “I’ll—um. I’ll leave if you really want me too, but. I, um. I got you something. To—cheer you up a little, maybe. And I thought, um… I thought you might like to see it first?”

As Jason speaks, he starts undoing the tie to his silk robe.

Dick heaves a sigh, and rolls over. “Ja—”

Whatever he was going to say is cut off as soon as Jason shrugs out of the robe, letting it puddle on the floor around his feet. Jason had spent several nights shopping for lingerie a month or so ago. Dick had bought him several sets, and Jason… Jason had wanted to surprise him. His original plan had looked different than this, but…

He’d bought more than one set. It wouldn’t hurt to sacrifice one.

Tonight, he’d chosen a baby doll in Nightwing blue, with semi-sheer cups swirled with a lace pattern. A bow sits between them. Jason had painstakingly removed it, as well as the ones on the straps and the panties, and replaced them all with ones in gold.

The baby doll splits to reveal his navel; the matching panties sitting on his hips. Like the cups, they’re semi-sheer; revealing a little bit more than just his bulge.

When Jason had seen it, he’d fallen in love immediately, and figured Dick would like it too; its playful flirtation with innocence.

Dick stares at him now. There’s something dark and almost predatory in his eyes. He sits up slowly. The blanket slides off of his shoulder to pool in his lap, exposing the faded t-shirt he’s wearing. It looks like it might have been Bruce’s once; a little too big for Dick’s frame and bearing a faded older version of the WE logo on it.

Jason nibbles at his lip, trying not to squirm. It’s not like Dick hasn’t seen him in lingerie before… or in even less clothing.

This is different, though. This isn’t Dick asking Jason to play dress-up—this is Jason, deliberately dolling himself up for Dick’s benefit. It could go badly so easily.

“You got this for me?” Dick asks. There’s barely enough inflection on the end to make it a question. His face is unreadable.

Jason nods, clasping his hands behind his back to keep from fidgeting. It has the added effect of pushing his chest out, as if he’s offering himself up even further. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I… I thought you’d like it.”

It was stupid.

Jason was stupid.

Why would he think Dick wanted this—him—right now? He’d just had his heart broken. Again. If Dick wanted to drown his sorrows in a whore, he’d have come to find him.

“Come here,” Dick says, holding out an arm.

Jason goes. He doesn’t even think of refusing. How can he? Even if Dick is pissed at him, and wants to—to punish him, at least Jason will have his attention.

Dick tugs Jason to straddle his thighs. He runs his hands over Jason’s sides; first over the baby doll, and then he slips them under, to rest on Jason’s skin.

Dick’s hands are big and broad on Jason’s waist, making him feel small.

Not that it takes much. Jason’s gained both weight and height while living with the manor, but he’s still… small. Might be doomed to stay that way.

He doesn’t mind that so much like this; when he feels delicate and doll-like in Dick’s hands.

“You’re wearing my colors,” Dick says, his voice low.

>> continue reading on AO3 <<

[uptoolateart]

Where We Find Ourselves Again - Ch 5

PREVIEW:

Adrien hadn’t seen Bunnyx in twenty-three years. Yet, as she stood there in the middle of the storage room in their apartment, it was like it was yesterday. Probably because she hadn’t aged a day. Maybe twenty-three years ago for him was twenty-three minutes ago for her.

She grinned, fists on her hips, as she turned slowly, taking them all in – him, Marinette, Hugo, Plagg, Tikki, each gaping at her in amazement.

‘I can’t believe your note idea actually worked,’ said Plagg.

‘Amazing as ever!’ said Tikki.

Marinette stared at the phone in her hand – at the memo she’d just typed, the memo to remember to ask Bunnyx to visit them at this exact moment. ‘Wow,’ she breathed. ‘I really called you here?’

‘The miracles of time travel, am I right?’ Bunnyx’s eyes found Hugo, who stumbled backwards like he’d been shot by her gaze. ‘Oh wow, look at you! Practically a baby!’

Hugo paled. Probably wondering what kind of witchcraft this crazy woman in a bunny costume with a magical umbrella was wielding. ‘You…know me?’

‘Of course! An older you, anyway. Don’t worry – you’ll get to know me better, someday.’

‘I…okay….’

‘I can’t believe it,’ said Adrien. ‘You look…exactly as I remember you. But…you seem younger.’

‘Because you’re so much older. One of the quirks of time travel.’ She gave another broad grin.

He scratched his head. ‘Yeah, I guess…. I mean, the last time I was you, I was the same age as Hugo here.’

‘Whereas the last time I saw you was a few minutes ago.’

So he was right. ‘Am I allowed to know what we were doing?’

‘We were having dinner together. Then Marinette was scrolling through her phone for something and found this old memo she’d made ages ago and read it out. It said I had to come back to this exact date and time. We all laughed because you remembered this conversation we’re having now, and you – ’ She pointed at Adrien ‘ – suggested that I follow the instructions, to preserve the timeline and avoid paradox. Soooo…here I am!’ She splayed out her arms as if to say, Ta-da!

Adrien dragged his hand over his face. This time travel business really was exhausting.

‘This is why I stick to cheese,’ said Plagg. ‘Cheese isn’t nearly as complicated. Speaking of….’

Adrien waved a hand at him. ‘Yes, Plagg, you can go back to the kitchen.’

‘Finally.’ He zipped out of the room. Tikki frowned after him and remained by Marinette’s side.

Hugo took a tentative step forward, his face starting to regain some of its former colour. ‘So, you’re really from the…the future?’

Bunnyx scrunched up her nose in thought, then laughed. ‘I guess you could say that’s where I just came from…but I’m sort of outside the timestream, you know what I’m saying?’

He blinked at her.

She clapped him on the shoulder. ‘It’s okay, kid. Take it slow. Your dad here, though, must understand how easy it is to feel untethered in the time burrow. Spend enough time in there and – um, pardon the pun, Cat Boy.’

Adrien shook his head. ‘Not at all. I appreciate it.’

‘Of course you do. Well, as I was saying – spend enough time in the burrow and you give up all control over that dimension. You learn to flow, accepting that things go backwards as well as forwards and even happen simultaneously. Every reality overlaps and every possibility coexists. We can be all things at all times.’

She cast a look at Adrien, like she expected some response from him – some very specific response. Like she knew exactly what he was thinking. ‘You’re going to ask how this can be, if there’s a soul.’

‘Well –’

‘And I’m going to tell you anything’s possible if we’re infinite beings, both fragments of and the same as the All. Then you’ll ask what I mean by the All, and I’ll say that’s been debated since the dawn of mankind and even the power of time travel doesn’t help me get any closer to the answer, and you’ll give me that cute little frown you do when you’re totally flummoxed, and we’ll change the subject and have this same conversation another time. You can close your mouth, now.’

He hadn’t realised it was hanging open. He clamped it shut.

Keep reading at Ao3

[kingsleydied]

Forgiveness // Hayakawa x reader

Warnings: Includes angst. Reader gets called darling. Reader gets in fight with Hayakawa. Happy ending. Also a note that I have never posted on tumblr before so idk what im doin’.

Background: For this fic pretend that Power and Denji don't live with Hayakawa.

Words: 2,780+

Hayakawa had always been a busy man, occupied with work with trying to hunt some type of devil down or another. As you knew he practically lived at work, you'd prepared yourself to expect less date nights and more sleeping alone on the warmth of your bed. Though as you made yourself aware of these flaws of the man, you meant it when you said you loved him with all of your heart.

Hayakawa was the man who had rescued you with the help of a massive ghostly wolf- the Fox Devil as he refers to it. You could recall the traumatic experience like it was only yesterday. The gruesome Bat Devils seemed as if it had randomly generated out of nowhere, crashing onto a building in town. Nearly knocked by flying bricks, you screamed in terror as you recalled the way to moved it's large, unwelcomed hand towards you, knowing you were defenseless against such a creature, you let yourself become mesmerized by the shadowing hand of the Bat Devil. Though you may have not realized it, a man was near by, a man who was willing to help. Of course, Hayakawa wouldn't let you, a normal citizen in his eyes be eaten in such a manner.

Once bringing the Fox Devil out, you gasped as you watched the closing in hand dart away as the fox took its sharp white teeth into him. The cry of the Bat Devil deafened the world around you, cutting off your attention to the surrounding cries of other citizens. Before you could watch the massive Bat fight back, Hayakawa had managed to throw you over his shoulder and ran before anymore falling glass or bricks could hurt you. Barely able to comprehend what was happening, you huffed, loosing your breath as you felt your heart rate increase dramatically.

As you were carried as well as forcing yourself to learn how to breathe from being terrified by the monstrous devil, you were sat down on the hard ground, the screaming of the Bat Devil finally weakening. Managing to breath a bit better, you peered up, only to be met the eyes of your savior. The man towering over you stood tall, his dark hair brushed into a mess since the events, and you would never forget the way his ocean eyes carved into your frightened figure. A strange feeling swept over you. It was love at first sight for the both of you, the rest labeled history.

Until today.

It was a rare time for the two of you, your boyfriend unbelievably had a free moment to spare, at last a free day to spend with one another, and you knew better than to waste such precious time with him. In your shared living space with Hayakawa, provided by his job, it was just the right amount of cozy for just the two of you, you had set up a little stay at home date, a movie ready to start, snacks and goodies laid out on the coffee table which sat by the television, and the softest blanket in all of the house spread itself on the couch. Maybe not as fancy or as amusing in the eyes of others, but you had always found the simplest things romantic as long as you spent it with your favorite Devil hunter. And you hoped he felt the same way.

Thinking of said Devil hunter, the man was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the entire apartment was filled with silence, not a thing stirred in the home it seemed. Confused, you began to question if you forgot to inform him of the event you had scheduled for the two of you. But you could remember him telling you about his one day off, how you beamed with excitement about the moment, knowing fully well you could commit to this every project for him. Head racking with all different kinds of thoughts, you walked into your bedroom to search for your missing boyfriend, wondering if he'd lost track of time and needed a reminder.

Not a negative thought went through your mind as you twisted the bedroom doorhandle, expecting to see him relaxing in the bed on his day off, as it would only make sense. But to your dismay, he wasn't laying in bed comfortably, but instead scrolling on his phone, a sheet of paper gripped in his other hand. You raised an eyebrow at his doings, skepticism wrapped you in its arms. Was he working on his day off?

"Hayakawa?" You spoke softly, the confusion translated through your voice.

Just as you provoked the quietness in the room, he glanced away from his phone, his eyes appearing duller and more tired than usual. You were used to his entire face lightening up just enough for you to notice whenever he set eyes on you, but nothing changed this time. Suddenly, his eyebrows frowned at you.

"What is it, darling?" You weren't sure if you were imagining it or not, but his tone was sharp and seemed to went to already draw away from conversation.

"I've set up the movie. There's snacks out here too." Smiling lightly, you realized his deadpan expression hadn't changed. "Uh, I mean, the date we planned earlier is ready. Aren't you coming out of the bedroom anytime soon anyway? It is your day off, you surely don't want to spend it all cooped up."

His attention had left you, his thumb began to scroll and click on certain buttons on his phone. "I'm actually doing some work right now. I probably won't be finished for a while."

Stunned by his words, you felt your heart drop. "What? I thought you were free today? Why are you working on your day off?" The piece of paper and him researching whatever he needed to on his phone didn't make sense to you. He had never done any work on his phone before as you recalled. You didn't think his job as a Devil hunter allowed him to work from home at all in the first place.

"Makima just texted me a hour or two ago. Told me about some documents I have to..." His voice disappeared, leaving his sentience hanging. But you wanted an explanation, not dead ends.

"But about the date tonight..?" You questioned, hoping to reclaim his eye contact.

Annoyed, Hayakawa grunted. "I thought I told you I wouldn't be done for a while? I'm kind of busy right now. We can do it a different night."

More and more, you could feel not just sadness about the way he was acting, but anger was brewing. Who knew when a 'different night' would be. "You really can't even take a break for a night? A night to spend with me? I barely get to see you, and I even got all the stuff around for you."

Once again he made a bothered noise in response. "I can't just pick and choose when and when not to work you know." Finally, he looks up from the phone, but not in the way you wanted him to. "And you know for a fact that I'm always busy. I can't spend time with you because of my job. You should be aware by now that I can't always be around here."

His words stung you, and with rage building up, holding back wasn't a option. "You never are!" You shout at him, rage bubbling up inside of you. "You're never here and now you're ignoring me for some random job that your boss called you last minute to do? What about me? When do you and I ever get to spend time together?" Teeth gritted tightly together, you watched his stern face watch yours.

"Not everything can be about you, Y/n," His tone sharp and his volume grew. "I have to do work to find this damn devil."

Tears started to spring into your orbs, pulse sounding through your own ears. Anger and sadness played with your thoughts, dread begun holding hands with it also. You only stood and followed his figure as it placed the paper and phone aside, rising from his chair by the desk, he stepped closer towards where you stood. Slowly, you bowed your head, unable to make eye contact with him.

"Forget this," you spat with pure anger "I don't want to be with someone who never spends time with me, or even acknowledges me. I shouldn't have to be let down like this all the time. We're over, Hayakawa."

Longingly, you wished to be able to turn your head up and face the dark haired man, but you didn't have the heart to do so. Silence killing you, the despair you felt would only thrive the longer you stayed in the same room as your recently established ex-boyfriend. Without another thought, you spun to the doorway of the shared bedroom of your apartment, dashing as you went through. Legs pumping away from the man who once stood before you, the walls almost deafened the call he cried as you ran to the exit.

"Wait Y/n! Let's talk about this! I'm sorry!" Footsteps followed with his statements, but you would rather die than to speak to such an egotistic person like him again. So you kept your pace, jogging on ahead in the attempt of leaving the apartment building in total.

The feeling of wet streaks ran down your face, making your body feel discouraged to run in the heart broken condition you were in. Quiet sobs matched with your heavy breathing as you made it to the stairs of the building, each step seemed much more difficult to step on than the last, almost as if they had gotten more narrower as you traveled on. Rushing down the steps in desperation of escaping Hayakawa's slight in case he were to follow after you, the tip of one of the last steps of a space platform caught on the top of your foot, making you lose all of your remaining balance. Gasping as you began to fall head first down the stairs, you braced yourself for the impact of pain you were about to be exposed to.

Coldness. That's what you felt. Pain framed the emptiness you felt along with it. The hard as rock floor sent a sensual uncomfortable feeling to the side you laid on, but you tried as you were, you couldn't have possibly cared. Pain shot through your skull, left shoulder in rips of a sour feeling as well. Groaning, you put a hand to your forehead, heat immediately met your hand. You felt sick as you laid helplessly on the icey floor, though you wished to recover enough to get up, your poise was far too low for anything of the such.

You could've counted the few seconds you were alone on the stairwell before the echoing sound of raining footsteps came around. Closing your eyes tightly, you didn't even want to think about what your ex would think of you now, too unwell to stand on your own two feet. Lazily, you stretched a arm over your forehead, hoping silently that the earth would swallow you whole before he would met eyes of the mess of your crying face.

"Y/n?" You heard a familiar voice call lightly and of concern, only to hear a gasp not even a second later. "Are you alright?"

Hayakawa rushed to your fallen figure, his worried eyes peered down at you in genuine regraud , hands carefully pulled the arm that rested on your forehead away.

"Y/n," he repeated "please, answer me, are you alright?"

More tears fell from your eyes as your teeth gritted. You were unsure your hoarse voice would even be understandable through all of the weeping you had done previously. Turning on your right side, your hands shielded your face as you started to cry in them, teardrops captured by them.

Hayakawa spoke no words for a moment, the stairwell filled with only silence disturbed by the sounds of your wailing self. Soon, the coldness of the uncomfortable floor had departed from you, replaced with the warmth and comfort of the clothed arms of your used-to-be lover. You continued to cry, submissive to being carried back up the way you had come.

"Shhh," His soft voice started again. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that... I know I've been distant for a while. I'm here now though. I'm sorry."

He carried you back into your apartment, keeping you on the couch as he pondered in the kitchen as you sat quietly, still sniffing as you kept curled up. Knees up to your chin, you listen in as you heard the flowing sounds of running water and a slight ripping of some sort of plastic. Hayakawa returned, you could feel his presence. You heard a glass cup being sat on the coffee table in front of you, but you dared not to peer up to find out what it contained.

A hand was placed on your hurt shoulder.

"Are you well enough to talk?"

You began to feel bad about ignoring his questions, as they were in concern about your heath and he only wished to check if you were alright. So with the clearest voice you possessed , you spoke up to answer his question. "Yes." It was rough, but understandable.

A sigh of a relief could be heard as you sat still cuddled to your knees.

"Are you alright?"

At first you just nodded, but a audible reply followed close behind. "Yes. I'm ok."

"Thank goodness," he paused "I was...worried when I seen that you had fallen. And I'm... I really am sorry. I didn't mean to put my work in front of you. I just needed to get the work done and thought I would just complete it then. I know I'm not here an awful lot, but please, please don't leave me. I love you. But of course I understand if things just aren't working out, you deserve better than this. But at least hear me out before you go."

Tears swelled up in your orbs again, strolling down your heated cheeks too quickly for your liking. The motivation had finally sprung up within you to unbuckle your knees from your chin, sitting upright, you could at last Hayakawa's face. You studied how sad and tired he looked, realizing he may not be tired from work but from you. The heartbreak was written all over his grim expression. Swallowing hard, you wiped the still rolling tears off the sides of your cheeks before clasping his own, feeling the soft pale skin beneath your palm made you feel warm inside, remembering all times before you'd done the exact same thing.

"I would never leave you Hayakawa. I'm far too in love with you to do that. I know you're not always here, but when you are, you're the best thing that's ever happend to me. Earlier, I only said I was leaving you because I was mad at you for not spending much time with me. But I'm aware of your busy job. I love you too." You smile at him, though you're self aware that you don't appear as you're regular self with your reddened eyes from crying, you knew he wouldn't care.

A matching smile came across his face as well, his head leaning into your palm for a second before coming up, leaving your hand in the air as he kissed you passionately. His kisses always held meaning behind them, you were sure that this one meant that this one meant he felt guilty and held responsibility for your crying and pain caused on the stairwell. Though he may have caused those things, you would make sure he didn't feel that way as he was perfect in your eyes.

The kiss ended, Hayakawa stared into your beaming but saddened eyes for a moment longer before turning towards the TV hanging on the wall. Turning back to his original position, one arm wrapped around you, he asked a simple question.

"Care to join me for a date?"

[anthonybialy]

An Offseason of Prison Thinking While Waiting for the Buffalo Bills

The offseason feels like a sentence with no exclamations and many questions.  Were we convicted for our misdeed of liking the Buffalo Bills?  Prison is already not a super time, what with the inability to go where you’d like, lack of wifi, and murderers who dislike you.  But being stuck with your ghastly thoughts is the most severe punishment, especially for those expecting an exacerbated incarceration.

You do the time.  Don’t let the time do you.  Prison thinking is the one way to make a term more agonizing.  The lack of free time and fear of unpleasant encounters with fellow involuntary residents aren’t bad enough.  Getting carried away with thoughts is a certain way to make confinement go beyond bars.  The metal ones aren’t nearly as fun as those with bourbon.

This is a long time without football in the same sense Rosen is the second-best quarterback Josh drafted in 2018.  Fans are doomed to care about how one team is about moving a ball or stopping it.  Without any of that action for most of the year, people naturally plot about what’s next.  The fact things in the future technically haven’t happened yet fails to dissuade busy brains.  You can’t fall asleep while your mind wonders why the word short is longer than the word long.

If you want to control your thoughts, social media is not for you.  Every idea everyone has ever had is presently posted.  Refusing to put them in chronological order is how online conglomerates keep them fresh.  The randomness would help with quality control if status updates were plays being called.  

Your mind hates you.  That’s why it’s always thinking of when you wished everyone happy Easter at the Christmas pageant and whether the person in the produce section asking if you liked the Wegmans guacamole hoped you’d suggest going on a date.  And fantastical narratives get stuck as a gift from your amused skull’s contents.  It’s like dreaming while being awake and nearly as surreal.  The lack of new sensory information means reliving past moments incessantly.

There’s not an actual window closing, and the figurativeness of the discussion makes determining its accuracy maddening.  It’s not bad enough how that particular phrase gets repeated like “spider hole” in the weeks after Saddam Hussein lost at hide and seek: the fear that decline is occurring is exacerbated by how there’s no way to prove such right now.  We have to wait to see if things are going to get woeful.

There’s nothing worse about worrying than the sense your frenetic consciousness may have a point.  One player can make a difference, sort of.  Expecting the Bills to contend for as long as they have Josh Allen is like presuming Superman will stop any supervillain from destroying Metropolis.  It would be swell not to rely on one person even if it’s the particularly impressive superhero in question.

The seemingly ceaseless interval is particularly tough for sports fans whose petitions to have seasons start the day after championships have been continually disregarded. A nagging fear of returning to football obscurity might not just be our runaway thoughts derailing.  It’s not bad enough to be deprived of the sport for all these cruel months: this could all be buildup to letdown.  Cheer up.

There’s evidence that gloom could be the only thing that wins this season.  Even annoying optimists might conclude management has not done nearly enough to alleviate fears that this team could actually be regressing.  Stefon Diggs may have caused headaches, but he still occasionally caught passes in between ibuprofen doses.

A lack of worthy worthy could be a looming problem, what with needing someone to catch what the quarterback throws.  The Bills could be shifting toward the new style of big receiver where tight ends are a slightly different version of the same job description.  But it’d still be nice to have more traditional options, especially since management went the unconventional route of adding a draftee and journeymen instead of the superstar the quarterback deserves.

We know a lot and also nothing.  Embrace the uncertainty instead of futilely attempting to control it.  Presumptions only lead to confusion.  Taking comfort in predictions is ultimately unfulfilling if they don’t come true.  Sports books grow richer by the moment based on people mistakenly thinking they know what’ll happen next.  Looking for tendencies is natural, which is why scouts are always in demand.  For now, be reassured by the lack of knowledge, as there’s no better option.

Bad things are bound to happen.  I am sorry to be the one to inform you how life works.  The track record of them occurring incessantly isn’t helping maintain faith, especially with so much time between sermons.  A universe where we’re the subject of ceaseless practical jokes doesn’t seem funny.  

Allen covers up innumerable flaws in roster construction and game planning.  Buffalo’s savior should be coach as well.  Terry Pegula wouldn’t have to pay a new person, which is the most important factor for one of the richest humans ever.

Convicts still haven’t been paroled.  The stint in mental prison would be easier to withstand if we had been charged with doing something malicious.  But we merely committed the crime of liking football and having some connection to Buffalo.  It’s no fun sitting in a cell while pondering what we did wrong, namely being born.  Letting negative thoughts with little basis take control is the one way to make missing a sport worse.

[ladysenaysays]

✎ Journal || 02.16.24

Lonely, ain't it? Yes, but my lonely is mine. Now your lonely is somebody else's. Made by somebody else and handed to you. Ain't that something? A secondhand lonely.

Toni Morrison, Sula

Was it always so big?

If the size of the box in the back of our guest room closet wasn't enough on its own to be intimidating, I knew its contents were. I knew that it was taped and tucked neatly away in a space Sam and I hardly touched in our converted firehouse home, forgotten and buried as our lives expanded in all of the ways we planned. As we shifted, moving all of us and adding more to us, that big box followed, nestling in the same way we did.

Cozy, only rustling when we did. Comfortable, only transplanting when we did. Stuck, only budging when we did.

I've weaved through nearly a decade with Sam, none of us making it into the box. And as we inch toward that full 10 years in April, I know why. He's always made sense of me, always been able to smooth out friction, and tempt me to be someone who doesn't hide from him, doesn't need to, and couldn't if she wanted to. He'll be 34 in a few days and we've been celebrating him all month--because February is his month, after all. My young thing grew up on me. I sprouted right alongside him, and now I'm waltzing my way to 35, having finally housed so much of what I thought I'd never find a home for.

Was it always so heavy?

If the box had been harder to get at, I probably would have given up, waited for the next move to let Sam lug it to a new home. But it eased out of the closet without a fight, parted its flaps at the suggestion of a sharp pair of scissors, spreading in a deep exhale to sigh over a decade of my life into the room.

Zuri said I should open it. She saw me once a week for an hour for so many months I lost count. Listened, took notes. She saw me on the heels of an emergency room visit, the cause of which was pegged as "exhaustion", earning me a place among all those late 90s/early aughts starlets whose lives I thumbed through worlds away from the concrete constructed housing projects in Philly I called home. She saw me within a week after a long search for a black feminine mental health professional that actually did feel...exhausting. She saw me, unpacking in that painfully slow way I'd always been accustomed to.

Cortisol plateau. Burn out. Fatigue. Irritability. Horrible sleep. Blood pressure spike knocking my noggin with a headache so bad I could barely stand.

Took me weeks to calm, to land on real therapy (not using Sylvia and Sam to wade through all my problems) as an alternative treatment to the listlessness I tried to treat with quitting my day job and immersing fully into a schedule of dominatrix work that was...a bit much. But she saw me, waited me out once we'd started, sat dutifully through a slow mental striptease that satisfied nobody.

She still sees me every other month--virtual now since Sam and I left San Fran for the farmhouse not far from Houston. There's so much more to us than I ever imagined there would be. We've spread out and spawned, got land and a little one, but stayed so close I can tell when he's hungry just by looking at him. And I swear that that little green-eyed, curly-topped version of him and me running around makes the same faces when it's time to eat. I see them, chasing chickens and playing in paint, one of them designing my tattoos and both of them fascinated by each one, loud and happy and silly and sweet. My adventurers. My big one and my little one getting all the best parts of me I never needed to pack away.

Was it always so full?

If I didn't know myself, I'd be surprised that the box was in order, arranged from the newest things I'd stashed all the way down to the oldest. Scribbled moments, most dated to confirm their place in my timeline, others bearing names that told me exactly where they belonged.

Took Zuri and I months to get to the box. When I finally mentioned writing as a former outlet and let slip the existence of my written stored memories, I could practically hear the click in her mind, something locking firmly into gear and ensuring that we would go as far down that road as we could.

Jordan was at the top. Didn't give her a second thought after I moved out of our shared complex and ended a friend/client relationship that shouldn't have ever started, but she was represented in the notes I took after my meetings with her; a few filled pages of desires unfulfilled. I had every intention of fulfilling them, too--wanted to mold myself into both friend and fantasy and be whatever she wanted.

Owen was underneath. Our old schedule--what tools he wanted and on which days, cards he'd sent--most of them hand-drawn, wishing me happy holidays and the like. As of his last update, he was lawyering in LA and he'd found someone local to satisfy that part of him that needed to be disciplined. We drifted after I left the Haight, after he brought me out of retirement post San Fran relocation, after a lengthy goodbye session that included our usual everything but the one thing I never gave any of my clients. He got close. I touched him, trespassed over the line that was meant to keep our relationship professional because he wanted me to and I wanted him to have what he wanted.

Ian was all throughout. I wrote about him most of all, several silly poems and stories about the way my hands would sweat when we clung to one another on the walks home from middle school, about the first kiss we shared in a coatroom, about lying on my back for him for thirty seconds of something we were both too young to understand or appreciate but would get plenty of practice perfecting with each other over the years. I don't know if he still exists. I recognize that thought as a luxury. He wanted me first and seemingly most of all, wanted me as Senay and even more as his very own Vixen once I started dabbling in domme work. He picked outfits for her, helped her practice her swings, remained just enough of an asshole to turn that sweet, soft girl into something dangerous. I wanted to be each edge of his entire universe because for so long I believed that's what he wanted of me.

Was it always mine?

If I had to disturb the box--and I absolutely had to once it was locked in with Zuri--I had to settle up with everything inside and still had to live outside of it while I worked my way through. So I lined up what I could, what I felt like I needed: long talks with Sean without any of the other 8 kids around, a few lines to Stacy to let her know I'm breathing, blocking Ian in every way imaginable, and continuing that months-long search for a way ahead and out of my own.

My mother was further down and everywhere I looked. Mother's day poems, birthday cards, stories that all put my need for her attention on full display. Her letters and the responses I never sent are near the top, angry first drafts that prove that I didn't always understand her addiction as a disease, all detached from the sobriety chips she sends each time she gets a new one. First, the chips came every couple of months, then each year. Last one came at the seven-year mark--she sent her six-year chip when she received her seventh right before we moved. I started writing her back after the second year, months after I started seeing Zuri. Nothing lengthy and we never call or text--just enough to know the other is alive. No money, no gifts. I sent her my address in Texas and let her know that she's a grandmother now. I'm waiting on that seven-year chip. I want her to be good for herself in the way she never could be for me.

My dad was lowest of all. A letter from 6-year-old Senay anchoring the paper pile, an apology for not being able to attend his wedding, like that was her fault and not the result of the machinations of a woman helplessly steered by an addiction. In the box, I spent time asking why Sean left, contemplating what I needed to fix to bring him back, and imagining my life if he returned. I could see the point where I found out that I'd basically written the new version of him into existence, when I saw just how good of a father he could be to Imani and Jaycen and the rest. My jealously is all over those pages, teen angst that I channeled into self-loathing sonnets. Sean is good. Always has been. And when I think about my munchkins or the beautiful being I popped out who he is the epitome of a doting grandfather to, I am so glad that he is.

I spent too much of my life twisting into everything I thought Stacy and Sean wanted me to be. And I never got it right in a way that would give me back the family I longed for. So I packed. Jordan, Owen, Ian, Stacy, and Sean. All of them, all packed up. Waiting. Bound tight and staying exactly where I put them.

I had to talk about boundaries with Zuri. We stumbled there somehow when I tripped my way through the story of how I began my life as Mistress. Tamara and Arthur sat between Ian and Owen. They were a very detailed account of the rush I felt after ordering Arthur around that first time and many follow-up chronicles all related to the job I fell into (and in love with) because the word no always eluded me.

I couldn't pinpoint too many boundaries I'd set--with anyone. There were so few things I asked for, required, expected, and actually held fast to upholding. I took what I got--polished it up, dressed it, made it mine, then penned my experiences so they didn't have to live in my head.

Thought I got it all out of me, shed it once and for all. But there it all sat, written but never digested, never aligned up with the life I ended up living outside of that box.

Was it always with me?

If I was in a rush, I wouldn't have read a thing in the box. But slowing down and eventually ceasing domme work after my emergency room visit left me with plenty of time to peruse. I read deeply, hours at a time, the highlights of which I took back to Zuri, laying out for her all of the things that nicked at my brain the most.

Over time, we settled on a few:

Sean and Stacy colliding the way they did. Sean leaving the scene and never stopping to survey the damage and Stacy too preoccupied to realize just how banged up I was. All the roadblocks I've hit in trying to be my whole self instead of straddling between wholesome community work and a deep, fulfilling enjoyment of physical pleasure. Something in me that only saw my purpose as serving others. I'm happiest when I'm helping, even if the help depletes me because if I'm useful, I won't be alone and feel that ache of a loneliness settled so deeply it sometimes felt tangible.

I ended up online at Zuri's suggestion, when I could feel the loneliness breathing in me whenever Sam wasn't around. I found forums first, eventually working my way toward avidly followed profiles, channels, and then a podcast where all those pieces I used to hide could get laid out in segments I research, plan, and write. The podcast started as just another way to climb out of the box but grew into a community I cultivated when I quickly realized there were so many folks in the world just like me in search of a place to put all those things they packed away. We talk relationships, and sex, and love, and trauma, and mistakes, and anything else we pull out of our boxes. Now the subscribers and followers are loyal and engaged and in the tens of thousands and I don't plan to part with any of my life online, despite the ocean of opinions breathed into microphones these days. My space is still there, bound or unbound as I want it to be.

Cozy, a place I can put all of me. Comfortable, a world with borders I've designed. Stuck, a part of me that I'll never put away again.

[tmwcs]

ↀOUBLE IIROUBLE - CHAPTER NINE

sorry for the delay! I finally got time to add the finishing touches! there's alot to this one, and some minor time skips. so i hope its not too confusing. i didnt get to proofread this so pls ignore any mistakes you find.

Warnings: human rights violation, reader is held captive, mentions of punishments, obedience to rules, abuse of authority in a relationship, male leads overpowering reader, isolation, kidnapping, keeping and forcing reader against her will, psychological and emotions turmoil, reader becomes emotionally and mentally reliant on male leads, reader experiences Stockholm Syndrome, unhealthy relationship, very overpowering and controlling behaviors, yandere type stuff. and Smut...lots of smut. mentions of murder too. i think that's it.

“She texted me again…”

“Who? Yeon-Jin?”

“Yeah.”

“yeah Sa-Ra has been doing the same, when can we ditch them? They suck and I’m at the point where I’m not even texting back or answering calls. We should have never started dating them to begin with. What the hell were we thinking?”

“I don’t know. But I’ve heard some things about their treatment towards other girls, especially ones they get jealous over so we’re going to have to approach this delicately. I don’t want to risk them getting mad and taking it out on princess.”

“if they touch my minx, I’m slitting throats.”

“and I’m carving faces.”

As the two brothers ended the alarming conversation, chuckling at the disturbing images that carried on through their minds, you were left at peace upstairs, sleeping in your room, at least, it used to be your room. Nearly six months have passed since you and your stepbrothers had formed this new....relationship.

From the moment they did everything imaginable to you, things that no step siblings should be doing with each other, the comfort of your private abode has ever since been shared with them, leaving their own rooms to become their private home offices and closed off to all, except you. The three of you now share the same bedroom, always sleeping with you in the center, between them, comforted by their warm grasp every night as you slept. Your lips, skin, and breasts were always kissed tenderly by their mouths, and your hair always played and twirled around their finger tips.

Over time, you had noticed something peculiar about the boys. It was rather strange behavior, the way the two shunned everyone else and were absolutely unpleasant, including their own father, yet when it came to you, you were the light in their eyes. It became evident that you garnished special privileges and luxuries, all due to their love for you. Had it not been for your expressive concern, they would have been just as cruel towards your mother as they were with other people, but at your eager concern and pleading, they catered to their adoring nature for you and decided to maintain civil and gentle composure towards your mom, all just for the sake of your happiness.

With you, they were willing to bring down stars and galaxies, there was nothing they wouldn’t do for you. However, being the affectionate onus of their desire wasn’t just purely a rose garden. It came with thorns….many of them.

Months have passed since the the boys took, claimed, and expressed their adoration for you. They provided for you, they continued to love on you, night and day, one at a time or both at once. You couldn't deny the blissful feeling of the pleasurable sensation in having the two of them constantly kissing you from head to toe, and fucking you into oblivion. It took some time for you to adjust....and to your everlasting shame, you feel yourself emotionally and mentally weakened, possibly the reason why you have become stagnant and obedient to their 'rules' and the sole object of their desires.

The first thorn stemmed from the very beginning, after the first harsh punishment you received. It wasn't until after the third punishment, when you were caught in your many attempts trying to leave the house, you learned that the concept of freedom and living an independent life, one that you had before meeting your brothers, was no longer a feasible option. Your life was all about them, and they were all about you.

.......................

Six months ago...

You come back to your senses after the boys were satisfied, much less you, but the very second you all finished with the intense threesome downstairs, you felt an overwhelming sense of shame. Shaken, the realization of what the three of you had done hit you harder than any punch could ever do. What have you just done? First Heeseung last night, then Heejeong this morning, and now the both of them......how could you be so careless? Getting lost in the midst of pleasure, lacking better judgement. More so......how many times did they take their turn, and pumped you with their throbbing members? How many times did you let them cum inside? How could you be so careless? Was it all your fault? You tried to object, yet they were so adamant......and it felt too good......what are you going to do?

The amount of guilt riddled your senses and you felt entirely too uncomfortable in the house. Showering and cleaning you up, the boys kissed your head tenderly as they left you upstairs while they went down to clean up the living room and kitchen, remarking that you took them both like a "good girl", and that you needed to replenish your energy and rest up.

........................

"We don't mind doing the cleaning. You rest. You hungry? We'll order food after we're done."

"Here, just nuzzle up and stay warm. Wanna watch a move later?"

.......................

Both Heejeong and Heeseung were comforting, and entirely too comfortable. Were they not at all feeling guilty or shameful in what just happened? This was so abnormal. How would you explain this to your mother? You all lived in a community where something such as this was so sordid, and their father was far too important and high up to risk allow his sons to be apart of a scandal like this.

You stayed silent, noting that the calming expressions on their faces proved that there was nothing you could say or do to get through to them. They clearly felt no shame, no guilt, and no sense of immoral essence in what they just did.....what you just did....what the three of you had all done.

Their tender pet names for you echos down the hall as they bid you goodnight, before gently shutting the door. The deep chuckles heard on the other side had made your skin crawl. How could you let them do that? How could YOU do that with them? You should have been more forceful with your objections.....how could you let your two step brothers take turns with you......and letting them fill you? You were no better than a whore.

Even after showering and changing, you could still feel the warm liquid oozing out of your cavity, the scent of their cum mixed together hits your nose as you laid in bed, itt brought back the sickening sense in your gut.

With tears forming in your eyes, you felt overwhelmed by the sense of guilt as you reached over for your phone and dialed Wendy in, hoping that there was a way she would be able to aid in getting you to move back in to her apartment, and out of this mess. You're not even sure how you were going to explain your discomfort with your mother or the boy's father....would they even believe you? Would Danny become offended if you were to tell them what his boys were doing? If you explained their real intent in moving you into their home......would he grow angry and falsely claim that you were just out to slander their reputation? The thought grew more believable as you came to the reality that you hardly knew Danny, only meeting him one time at the dinner, and seeing how much more familiar he was with Yeon-jin and Sa-Ra.......how are you going to explain your sudden decision to move out?

Your head started to pound with an ache when you thought of every possible outcome, none seemed to ease your guilty conscious. You press your phone against your ear, waiting for Wendy to pick up.

"hello?...."

"Wendy! Oh my God, Wendy! are you home?"

"Y/n?"

"yes! Wendy, please listen to me.....i have to leave this place. I have to get away from my brothers, i need your help. I can explain in detail later but please..just believe me i have to get out of here. I......i've done something terrible and its partially my fault but.....they.....they're just...."

You stuttered and felt yourself breaking down as the tears rolled on through. Your words came out fast and in a panic as you were eager to tell Wendy everything. So eager, you hand't caught on to her rather aloof and tiresome tone, the lack of concern or enthusiasm in her aura. She sounded dead inside, and it didn't hit you until she finally spoke out and cut you off mid thought.

"y/n......"

"please wendy! can you....can you and jeff come-"

"y/n!........stop......."

"..........why.....what is wrong?.......why are you-"

"y/n.......did you not hear?...."

you gulped......it became dead silent in the room as you quietly whispered into the phone. "Hear what?"

Sighing on the other end, Wendy chokes up as she explains.

"Jeff is dead......."

"......w...what?"

"his body....well his head was found severely decomposed.......they were able to identify him through his dental records...."

Your eyes widened and your chest felt the soreness of a pungent sting. Jeff was dead? How? Why? Why didn't she tell you sooner? Furrowing your brows, you jolted up from the bed and walked around in your room. You felt the need to move, you couldn't be still, your heart was beating faster and faster and you felt yourself panicking.

".....how?......whe....when did this happen? why didn't you tell me?"

"........i just......i was so caught up with constantly talking to the forensic team and the detectives......i was thinking that maybe he was around...just wasn't talking to me or anybody.....but they found his remains two weeks ago.....and determined that he died......"

"wendy?"

"forensics say that he died the night he disappeared."

"......when did he disappear?"

"The night you moved out."

Your heart nearly stopped beating. Your breathing became shallow as Wendy continued.

"I guess...he was so mad at you and your brothers, he must have went out to blow off some steam at the gym that night, but he never came home, and nobody ever saw him come to the gym. They say that its hard to determine his injuries, but they suspect foul play, they just dont have any suspects or witnesses.....so the case is ongoing, but they have already expressed that it is more than likely unsolvable. I've been visiting his mom for the past few days......."

Your eyes became stung by the rush of tears that dripped down, you kept your cool and composure as you expressed your condolences.

"S...sorry.....i hadn't heard....i had no idea........"

"its fine y/n......Jeff was a hard person to deal with, and he did piss off alot of people, and wasn't always friends with the best types. He also dealt with some things that he shouldn't have, so i imagine he was messing with the wrong pgroups and owed money or something. either way, i'm moving on from it....i just need to be alone for a while."

Nodding, you rubbed the temples of your forehead and disregarded your reason for contacting Wendy, wishing her well instead. Somehow, you sensed there was more to the story than what she was willing to let out.

Hanging up, Wendy places her phone down and continues to look out her window, holding onto a note that appeared in her apartment the day Jeff disappeared....something she didn't even show to the detective or the police. Had she done so, she would have risked alot more than just Jeff's own life......

"₵₳₦ ɎØɄ ₴ØⱠVɆ ₮ⱧɆ ⱤłĐĐⱠɆ?

ⱧØ₩ ₥₳₦Ɏ ĐɆ₳Đ ฿ØĐłɆ₴ ₩łⱠⱠ ł₮ ₮₳₭Ɇ ₮Ø ₭ɆɆ₱ ₮ⱧɆ ₱ØⱠł₵Ɇ ₴łⱠɆ₦₮, ₳₦Đ ₮ⱧɆ ฿ØØ₲ɆɎ₥₳₦ ⱠɆ₴₴ VłØⱠɆ₦₮?

Ø₦Ɇ ØⱤ ₮₩Ø?

ł₮ ĐɆ₱Ɇ₦Đ₴ Ø₦ ɎØɄ.

ⱧɆ Ⱨ₳₴ ₳₦ ɆɎɆ Ø₦ ɎØɄ, ₴Ø ĐØ₦₮ ฿Ɇ ₴₦Ɇ₳₭Ɏ.

Ʉ₦ⱠɆ₴₴ ɎØɄ ₩₳₦₮ ₮ⱧɆ ฿ØØ₲ɆɎ₥₳₦ ₮Ø ₲Ɇ₮ ฿ⱠØØĐɎ ₣ⱤɆ₳₭Ɏ. "

Taking the note, Wendy holds it over a small candle, allowing the flame to feed from the corner end and burn it to ash.

"I'm sorry Jeff.........sorry Y/n........."

Days and weeks following the news regarding Jeff, you hadn't spoken to Wendy, nor did you hear from her. Literally the night after finding out about Jeff, the boys took the time before dropping you off at work to set forth some ground rules......rules that you were forced to adhere to. Strict and brutal rules.

....................

"Stop! Let go! Let go of me! You both are crazy! you're insane! get away from me!"

Dragging you by the waist, so easily as you exhausted the depths of your energy to break free from his grasp, Heeseung pulls you into the bedroom, tying you to the bedpost with a set of double knots. With your wrists bound together, and your ankles restrained in the same manner, you were left inside to 'reflect' on what you had done.

"You know.....it wouldn't be so bad if you would just stop breaking the rules. How many times do you need to learn the hard way? No running away."

Leaning in, he issues a sadistically stern look of amusement and violent nature as he reminds you.

"No leaving the house without me or Heejeong.....you keep doing it, you're just going to get locked up."

Harshly tightening the rope, he clenches his jaw as he looks into your eyes deeply, providing you with so much discomfort and fear.

"Baby......just be good....I wouldn't get so mad......" he glares down, watching you sob out. You felt scared and hopeless, completely vulnerable to their mercy and will.

If you weren't getting punished for one thing, it was for another. Once you had realized that trying to escape from the boys was an impossible feat, getting caught every single time and found, punished, and forgiven. You learned that the second rule, was just as important as the first....

"Excuse me, miss?"

Turning around, you saw a young man standing before you holding out his hand. "you dropped this?"

"oh....thank you." Taking silk scarf from the man, you turned away, and shunned the poor fellow out. Standing by the door, you waited for the boys to pull up and bring you home from work, as usual. No matter how many times you took the opportunity to run, hide, and escape, they always found you. You never told your mother about what goes on between you and them, so going to to her was not an option, plus with Danny living with her, there was no way you could run to them. With Wendy no longer contacting you, there was simply no one else you could go to for help or for security. The boys paid out the police, they made frequent networks and contacts with the security that roamed the building of your workplace, leaving you still within sight even when they were not around.

"So....whats your name? I've seen you around here, you work here right?"

Your anxiety reached it's peak when the young man attempted to make conversation. Your brothers would be over to pick you up any moment, you couldn't risk being seen with another man.

"Please.....please....leave me alone....i'm....i'm being picked up by my brothers...they're very protective. please...."

You pleaded with the man, hoping he would take the hint. Not only were you fearful of being punished, for something that you weren't entirely responsible for, you feared for the man's life. Obviously, he would have no way of knowing, no clue as to what he was getting himself into, yet previous encounters showed just how far your brothers were willing to go when it came to eradicating anyone who presented themselves to be a 'bothersome' or 'threat' to you.....and a nuisance to them.

"Wh.....are you in some sort of trouble miss?"

"I SAID JUST LEAVE!" wincing your eyes shut and grasping the door handle, you raised your voice.....it pained you to do so, it wasn't like this man was doing anything wrong, but you had to do something before they arrived.

Stunned by the harshness of your words, the man was taken aback as the security guard of the museum, one that recently has become among the list of paid contacts by your brotherly duo in order keep an eye on you, come walking around from the security desk and squares up to the confused man.

"Is there a problem?"

"I.....I think this woman....i think she's in some sort of trouble, she's.....she's talking about her brothers...i was just having a normal conversation but she's saying some weird things-.."

"I asked you to please leave me alone.....just please go...." you cut him off, glancing over the security guard as he eyeballs the young man.

"hey man, the woman said for you to leave....so leave. she's fine. trust me, you dont want to take things further." the security guard explains, placing a hand up to gesture for the man to back away. With your back remaining towards him, you stared out through the glass door, watching as the car pulls up.

"you better go fast." the security guard utters to you. Knowing full well what your brothers were capable of, yet remained silent since the income was well worth it.

You rush out and was greeted by Heejeong as he gets out of the passenger seat and hugs you warmly, placing a kiss on the side of your head.

"Mmmmmuah! I missed you. How was work?"

"it....was good......thank you."

tucking you in the backseat, he glances over towards the security guard and the man through the glass doors. Smirking, Heejeong sits next to you in the back, as Heeseung greets you and drives the car away.

As far as you were concerned, nothing happened to that young man....at least you hoped nothing hadn't. But then again, its hard to say, especially after the last few times when the occurrences of interested young men who garnished your attention, and paid the ultimately price.....

One was caught, complimenting you while at work, with Heejeong entering your office with a small bouquet of flowers, catching on the man's words.

.......

"I hope you dont mind me saying.....you're very beautiful y/n...."

.......

Another was when you were at a cafe with the boys by your side, and a male barista had jotted his number on your cup.

The third, was a man you ran into at a main event hosted by the museum. You made little conversation with him, trying to remain evasive yet his firm hold as he caught you from falling as you bumped into him, was enough to make the boys blood boil the moment they found out when one of their reliable paid contacts spotted the scenario and relayed it to the boys.

............

"bad girl....did we not tell you?....NO....BOYS."

"time to go to the basement."

..............

The basement was the primary location of where many of the punishments were hosted. Despite how angry they would become, their unyielding love for you restricted them from going too harsh in their methods, or so they claimed.

The lower part of the house was maintained, cleaned, and emptied. It lacked any furnishings and was cold....too cold. Each time you broke a rule, they left you tied up with enough slack to move in a small vicinity, allowing you to shift your body as you slept in your little circle on the cold cement flooring. The lights were kept off, leaving the area entirely pitch black. A harsh lesson and realization was learned from all this....from being left alone in a dark room for hours at a time, for days in a row. Its amazing how isolation in darkness can break down the human mind, and weaken their soul, especially if repeated over and over. The level of fear turning into relief and security the moment you see life again, even if it was in the form of your brothers, the very ones that put you in the hole. What started out as a struggle to fight for freedom, turned into a broken will, bent at the knee as you began to weep each time you upset them. You started to become joyful whenever you would see them after staring off into the dark abyss for so long, despite them being the ones to administering this unruly lesson. Nonetheless, you were grateful each time they came down to bring you out to the dining room, to feed you, despite putting you back in the hole afterwards, until they felt at ease and no longer angry.

There were other twist of emotions that would have never made sense to anyone else, it was a one-eighty twirl from the strong stance you held firm with your own two feet, yet shattered the moment you catered to their despair. It happened around the fourth month, after being punished once again, their words started to hit you deep. Words such as "it pains us to punish you...." or "why cant you just see....that we do this because we love you....we're really not trying to be harsh....."

It may sound crazy, but then again, this whole situation was crazy. Their justifications started to make sense to you, after you had lost all concept in gaining back freedom, something that you have long lost forgotten the meaning of, your mind and heart started to feel the pains that they felt each time they expressed how disappointed and upset they were with you. Little by little, you found the strong desire to excel in following every rule, being a good girl so that you wouldn't upset them, not because you feared of what they would do, that had resorted to a sliver of your worries....instead, you felt shame in yourself for upsetting them. You wanted to please them, to make them happy and to see them smile. Their praises of love and adoration for you and only you, became the only truth that you knew in this world.

Over the course of the past six months, from the first moment that Heeseung took you after your parent's wedding, and when Heejeong expressed his love the next morning, followed by the sinful pleasure the three of you shared in the living room, you broke and were re-molded into someone that wasn't you. You weren't the same, you were weak, vulnerable, and hopless....unless you were with them. Being with them, you were protected, looked out for, loved, cherished, adored, and taken very well care of. You felt fear and anxiety whenever you were at work, but found relief whenever you saw them picking you up. You no longer were resistant to their advances when they grew hungry for your flesh, which caused them to become less forceful and more tender. You were enjoying and welcoming it just as much as they were, lost in the sea of passion and never knowing of the dark smirks that formed on their handsome faces as they realized they succeeded in training you to become obedient and loyal to them......because they loved you beyond what was considered sane and normal.

Six months....... starting from the night of your mother's wedding to Danny, it took the brothers six months to accomplish their goal in making you realize just how much they loved you......

Presently....

"Well........that was fun...i guess..." Yeon-jin crosses her arms as she sits in the backseat, along with you and Sa-ra. The boys took you and the girls to a dinner, one that they were not most happy about in bringing Yeon-jin or Sa-Ra along, yet the girls had seemed to be more forceful about spending time with their boyfriends after not hearing from them for days...sometimes weeks at a time. It wasn't a secret to you, your step brothers explained that within due time, they had plans to ditch the girls, but you were never concerned in their intentions. You trusted their word, considering how often you witnessed them giving the girls the cold shoulder, and always putting you before everything and everyone...especially the girlfriends. You didn't mind, it was thrilling to watch as the girls grew a countenance of jealousy each time the boys paid more attention to you. Now that you accepted their love and returned it back, you loved nothing more to see that love in action, especially in public viewing despite how strategic and tactful it was displayed. You were, after all, still step-siblings.

Aside from the firm trust you had with your brothers, there were indeed several factors that contributed towards the delay of the boys breaking it off with the two girls. Their father was first and foremost, having high hopes that the boys would marry, as much as Heejeong and Heeseung could care less in pleasing their father, they knew that displeasing him beyond a set line, would ultimately further strain the relationship they had with him, which would cause them to lose heir rights to the agglomerate corporation that they were currently entitled to. Before, they had no desire or interest in taking over and running their father's company, but after meeting you, they had something they lived for...something they took as their responsibility and reason for living, therefore, they wanted to ensure they were always going to provide for you, to give ou the world and its greatest luxuries......they wanted to give you everything.

The other half of the delay, were the nasty rumors that both girls acquired from school and around the city. Sure, they're beauty and glamorous fashion sense was admirable, yet their inner personalities became tainted by the fame and fortune of constant popularity and admiration from their peers and co-workers. All of which, turmoiled into a ball of ugliness, that became cruel and tormenting to others whom they deem as beneath them, or those that triggered a sense of jealousy. The boys kept them at a distance, emotionally and physically, and even further away from you.

"This dinner gathering was such a good idea! I'm so glad we were all able to go out." Yeon-Jin smiled out as she narrowed her eyes towards Heejeong as he sat in the driver seat.

"Yeah.....figured since we had some free time....." Heejeong started nonchalantly, but was cut off the moment Yeon-jin became triggered by his words.

"Free time? all you have is free time. I spoke with your father, he says you haven't taken over the company yet......so i'm trying to figure out why you haven't been texting or calling...and why we only see eachother every other week.......in a group setting......." hinting at the failing attributes and lacking intimacy in their relationship, Sa-Ra chimes in and softly taps the back of Heeseung's seat.

"You too. How come we dont see each other anymore?"

You remained gazing out the window by your side as you sat beside Yeon-jin, who remained in the middle between you and Sa-ra. You pretended to not notice, yet the careless silence in the car was filled by the boy's refusal to entertain an answer. Their smirk's said it all as they continued to drive and turn the radio up, playing your favorite playlist.

"Hey! I"m talking to you Heejeong!" Yeon-jin berates, when suddenly the car comes to a screeching halt. You and the two girls flew forward from the momentum, yet Heejeong and Heeseung's hands reached back and pressed you steady as they kept you from hitting the back of the driver's seat. The two girls were not so lucky.

Staring in your direction, noting how the boys prioritized your safety over theirs, had garnished harsh looks shooting your way.

"Oh.....so once again, the step sister gets the special treatment?" Sa-Ra snarls.

"Did you both want to walk home?" Heejeong turns over his shoulder, a dark shadow hovering over his eyes as he smirks out a hint of sadistic delight in the prospect of kicking the two horrible girls out, in the middle of nowhere.

"We can't walk from here! We're miles away, and its dark outsid-" Both Yeon-jin and Sa-ra started up with their gripes and complaints, yet was cut off by an amused Heejeong.

"Shut up......shut up or get out."

Following his brother's vibe, Heeseung chimed in. "And fix your fucking faces.....if i see one of you rolling your eyes one more time, i'm taking them out."

The girls scoffed out a "whatever" as they settled back into their seats. They had no idea that the threats that were just issued, were out of sincerity. They would kick them out.....they would carve their eyes out.....these girls have no idea just who they were dealing with. Yet that wasn't entirely their fault, they didnt get to know the boys so well, since the brothers had a habit in pushing them away and ghosting them, since all they needed and wanted, was you.

Finally arriving at Yeon-jin's home, a large and well designed house with a small courtyard in the front indicated her coming fro ma well established family.

"Get out." Heejeong deeply states.

"How is Sa-Ra getting home?" Yeon-jin asks, before Heeseung snapped back and glared over to the girl.

"He said........GET OUT."

The girls rushed out, and immediately walked inside, occasionally looking back at the car as you and your brothers drove away.

"Fuck they’re annoying......can we just kill them?" Heeseung asks, half heartedly.

"I wish we could.....but lets just give it a couple more weeks, dad says he wanted to have that meeting about the company, we can tap into that while talking with him."

"Wish he would just stay out of our business....why is he in such a rush for us to get married?"

"Dont know......" Heejeong answers back calmly, unable to make sense out of their father's pressuring urge for the boys to take both, Yeon-jin and Sa-ra as wives. He suspected that it had to do with their upbringing, their wealthy families, perhaps there was an arrangement that was made behind closed doors. Either way, it wasn't going to happen, the brothers had a card up their sleeves that would come out to end the game in due time....in due time.

"Baby, you okay back there?" Heeseung turns around in his seat, reaching back as he places his hand on your thigh. "Tired?"

You glanced over to him and slightly shook your head as you softly smiled to him.

"You want anything? We can go to the store, or grab some of your favorite pastries." Heejeong adds as he eyeballs you from the rearview mirror.

Still shaking your head, you sat in the seat with loosely crossed arms, staring at the ground, faintly biting down on your lip. Heeseung smirks and chuckles, before asking you.....

"Do you want me to fuck you baby?"

Looking up with wide eyes, you nodded your head with a mischivious smile on your lips. Unbuckling his seatbelt, Heeseung immediately climbs into the back seat with you, while Heejeong softly chuckles as he props his elbow on the window, steering with one hand as he strokes his chin, continuously enjoying the view in the rearview mirror.

Once Heeseung was in the backseat, next to you, he didnt' waste time as he plastered your neck, face, and your breasts with his kisses. Tugging the spaghetti straps of your cocktail dress down, he pulls you close to him as he reaches up under the hem of your skirt and pulls down your panties harshly, leaving them coiled around one of your ankles, never fully removing them. He was too eager to get to you that the concept of undressing you entirely wasn't a priority.

"Come here baby, I'll fuck you real good." he whispers as he gets pulls you over onto his lap, and has you straddling him with your back leaned against his chest. Spreading your legs wide, your dress coiling around your waist, the slinky and thin material shifted against your skin as it lacks bulk, merely wrapped around and used as a leverage point for him to grab onto when you start bouncing. Your heels lifted as you sit atop his lap, dangling just inches away from the floor mats, while his hands maneuver his throbbing member, trailing its way towards your entry.

Smirking against the tender spot in your neck, he asks you in his deep tone, "ready?".

You nodded in an eager state, and thats when the pressure settles in. The entry of his bulging tip, and the inches that followed suit as he slowly shoves himself in caused you to gasp out in pleasure and pain. It was a sensation that you were deeply familiar with, yet it felt new each time it came back around.

"ugh! Oh m God!" You gasped out, your high pitched tone airing out as you whimper small notes of chiming tunes in the form of pleasured moans.

"Oh yeah?" His deep and dark tone was a stark contrast from your lightened one. Grabbing onto both sides of your waist, he starts to thrust in faster, while also simultaneously lifting and slamming you down, making you bounce relentlessly on his shaft. By the third time you had bounced, your body started to excrete the slick moisture that aided his sliding thrusts. "Awwww...fuck yeah baby...." he whispers as he gasps out. His hips bucking upwards repeatedly as he thrusts faster, and faster.......and faster........

"Oh my God...mmm......fuck.....Heeseung.....Heeseung! ugh! Oh my God i'm gonna cum!" gasping out, you voiced out the heightened peak of pleasure as the man already had you on the verge of cumming, and he had only just began fucking you.

Reaching up and around your chest, he cups your throat and pulls you back as he buries his face into the side of your face, meshing a myriad amount of kisses against your skin as he toys a tone out and speaks with his lips glued to your skin, coming out muffled. His thrust slow down, going in deeper and harsher as he waves his hips against your rear, and uses his grip on our waist to roll your hips back and forth. "Oh not yet baby....i know....i know....oh i fucking know....." he continues as he picks the pace back up and continues to thrust into you at high speed. "Hold it in for me baby, i gotta fuck you some more......my beautiful girl.....gonna fuck you sooooo good."

At the last bit, he pushes you forward and you felt his body shifting position as he forces you down on your knees, leaning your chest down on the center console as your upper body feeds in between the front seats, with Heejeong to your left side. Your hands reach up and grab onto the stereo system. The cool air drafting over your rear cheeks as you feel Heeseung mounting you from behind, and re-enters, brutally fucking you doggy-style.

"Ugh! ugh! ugh! ugh! Oh my God! ugh! Please! Please!"

"Please what baby?" he gasps out in between his groans as he thrusts into you, his groin slapping against your suppled cheeks as he keeps you steady with a tight grip around your waist, with his thumbs extending up and stroking the grooves of your lower back muscles. Bopping up and down, back and forth, your body moves in a momentum that was unmistakable, you were being pelted hard and getting it good, thank goodness the car had tinted windows.

Hitting that sweet spot, you screamed out as you reach over and grab onto Heejeong's thigh. He in turn, while stopping at a red light, looks over to you and delicately cradles your chin in his hand, turning you to face him as Heeseung continued.

"Yeah? Is he fucking you hard baby?" Heejeong asks, pulling your face inward, kissing you. Your face shifts in various directions as your body continues to bounce forward from the hard thrusting that Heeseung continued on with , even going faster and harder than before.

Whining into Heejeong's mouth, you whimpered and gasped out as he pulls back and barely breaks the kiss, staring into your eye as he swipes his thumb over your parted lips. "Keep taking it like a good girl.....you're doing so well." He whispers out, kissing you once again before continuing the drive once the light turned green.

"Ah fuck......fuck baby you're so tight and wet......fuck you feel so good." Heeseung groans out, gritting his teeth as he smirks, covered in sweat. Heejeong blasts the A/C after noting the beads forming on your forehead. "Breathe baby.....breathe." He states as he ups the dial and increases the air flow.

"Fuck her harder." Heejeong calmly tells his brother while looking his way through the rearview mirror.

"Mmmmmfuck!"

"Fuck her faster."

"Fuck i'm gonna cum.....she feels so fucking good."

The exchange of words between the two only riled you up to the point where you felt the knot in your gut snapping. "Oh my God! I'm-......i'm going to cum! Heeseung! AHHHHHHH!"

"Fucking give it to her Heeseung." Heejeong urges as he cups your chin, sticking his thumb inside your mouth, resting in between your teeth.

"Fuck! Fuck i'm cumming!" Heeseung groans out and falls forward, plastering his chest against your back as his weight presses you to fall atop the center console. Biting onto Heejeong's thumb, you softly release it as you gasp out from the overbearing density of Heeseung's weight pushing you down.

After a few seconds of heavy breathing, Heeseung lifts himself up and pulls you back, caressing your body and kissing you tenderly as he lays you down on the backseat.

Pulling up to your favorite bakery, Heejeong parks the car as Heeseung throws his clothes back on, all the while catching his breath.

"You've been driving all night, how about i go inside and grab babygirl's pastries, and drive us back home. You can come here and.....'cuddle' with her." With a quick peck on your cheek, Heeseung exits the car, while Heejeong tosses him the keys as he enters the backseat.

Caressing your face, with his hand cupping your cheek, he notes your worn out state and how blissfully fucked your face looked. Still panting, you release a tiny whimper as you gaze into his eyes.

"Aww......baby tired?" Kissing you tenderly, he hums into your mouth. Reaching up, you loop your arm around the back of his neck, gently caressing the silver strands of his locks. Barely breaking the kiss, he whispers against your skin....

"come here baby....." taking your hand in his, he guides you down to his zipper. "grab it."

Authors notes: Ah and the smut thickens! lol.

Taglist: @deobitifull; @solstramaii; @vampiregirl215; @nshmrarki; @enhypen14; @iamliacamila; @lisaaannna; @nikstrange; @jaehaki; @luv-enhy-skz33; @silcry@honeysjae; @crackedcameraa; @stinkmonkey ; @baekxo07@raishaii@yangjungwon33 @lhspeachie ; @differentchildwombat ; @prettykia ; @kimsseonu ; @stvrryhee ; @en-thralled ; @hoonzdzbl ; @yuppppp ; @jinniespuppy ; @browsehnnie @prettykia @lprww @they2luv1naia @ellixqz@mimimovv @stvrryhee @moonmoongi @seungjiseyo @csmicvrse @yohanabanana , @heeshees@yumii0828 , @lprww, @mariji , @silcry @cutiejseong

[jade-parcels]

The genshin men: fatherhood edition

With: Childe, Zhongli, Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, Venti, Albedo and Baizhu

—————————

Childe:

Ajax loves kids and he’ll make that known early on in your relationship

Like...This man wants five or more kids but he’ll settle for four. He dreams of a big family, getting to surround himself with you and your kids every night for family dinners, everyone getting together for big birthday parties or reunions! That’s his dream life! Plus, in Snezhnaya, most families have more than two kids anyways

He will cry so hard when his babies are placed in his arms for the first time, I mean he’s a mess. Nose is running, eyes puffy, lost of sniffling lmao he is so excited to be a dad!! Don’t you dare tell the other Harbingers how much he cried...What do you mean you took a picture when he wasn’t looking??? Hey??!?!

With his obscene amount of mora, he’ll buy a huge house that will accommodate everyone. Anything you want will be purchased that day or within 48 hours, the same goes for the kids

But they’ll all learn to be thankful for what they have. They’ll learn to fight, fish and speak multiple languages. He has high expectations but let’s face it, he’ll be proud of them no matter what

You’re gonna have to be the one to put your foot down though because Ajax doesn’t enjoy being the ‘mean parent’, he has trouble saying no to the kiddos which can create some tension between you and your husband. He has good intentions of course!! He doesn’t wanna say no to those cute, freckled faces!!

Zhongli:

Zhongli is nervous about having kids because he’s immortal. So this will go one of two ways. 1. You have the baby and the baby ends up not being immortal (or you adopt a baby who is not immortal) Then he loses you both. OR 2. You have the baby and it inherits his immortality and becomes an adeptus. Now he and the baby will have to watch you die while they both life forever.

Either way...It hurts him to think about because he loves you!! He wants to have a family with you!! He wants to give you that perfect family life every human desires!! But he’s torn

You two will just have to figure it out.

Zhongli will be a strong, male figure for your kid(s) and he will instill that traditional kindness and respect into their behavior. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ always, always offer to help someone who needs it, do good deeds and you will feel accomplished, be the best you you can be, alway try your hardest because that’s all that matters

He will be sure that your kid(s) always feel loved ALWAYS. Zhongli will tell them stories, cook for them, take them to school, anything that needs to be done. When you’ve had a rough day, he’ll step in to take over for the night without being asked. He shows interest in everything your kid(s) like and he will do his damn best to display every piece of artwork they make or every pretty rock they find

He...will make a great dad :’)

Kaeya:

Ooooh brother, at first Kaeya says no he doesn’t want kids but...Then he starts thinking about it

He observes the happy families that walk around the cobblestone streets of Mondstadt, how the kiddos smile and laugh with their parents. He’ll patrol in the afternoons, usually rounding the corner just in time to see the city’s kids leave school for the day, watching as they all run down the street to go home to their parents or play in the fountain together...Yeah, that really warms his heart

He’d want one or two kids, preferably two to avoid an only child being lonely. He isn’t on the best terms with Diluc but he can admit that they had a great childhood together, playing at the winery and running around as brothers do

Kaeya would be a very patient, understanding father. He doesn’t have much of a temper so he’d use the kids’ mistakes as learning opportunities instead of getting upset at them

He would be obsessed with the kids when they’re babies though oh man if you thought you had baby fever, he has it times ten! He loves holding the baby, watching with a twinkling eye as his baby grasps his thumb with its tiny hand... adorable

And if your kids inherited his eyes, his star shaped pupils that his ancestors passed down to him...He’s gonna get emotional

Everyone at the knights’ headquarters and the Angel’s Share will get sick of him REALLY fast cause he won’t stop bragging about how cute and smart his kids are lmao

Diluc:

Diluc would be such a soft dad don’t even get me started

He loves you so much of course he wants to have kids with you! Is that even a question?? He won’t be the one to bring it up unless he gets the feeling that you want kids but once you ask, he’ll agree so fast

He’ll be grateful to even have one kid with you :’) and he’ll be fine with however many kids YOU want. You want one kid? Perfect! You want four? No problem, the manor is big enough for ten! You...you want ten...? Time to hire some more maids then lmao

Diluc is a worry wart though, he’ll be afraid to hold the baby, feed it, bathe it, he’s terrified of hurting the baby or the baby suddenly hating him. So just help him out!! Cause when he gets comfortable with the baby, he’ll be in full dad mode

He isn’t embarrassed to walk around the manor, conducting business with a baby strapped to his chest!

Diluc is a very kind, gentle dad who will always offer helpful solutions to the kiddos’ problems. He’ll make sure all of their needs are met while also trying to avoid spoiling them... Too much... There will be a fair amount of spoiling...

His own father wasn’t too affectionate with him so that’s why he’ll be affectionate with his kids! Hugs and kisses when he tucks them in at night, big dad hugs when they get home from school, holding their hands in the busy streets of Mondstadt. His father was a great dad! He just aims to be better.

Xiao:

Like Zhongli, he worries about the mortality thing. Since he’s an Adeptus, his kid will certainly be an Adeptus too if you have kids together.

He also worries that his kid(s) will hate him. His duty is to kill demons which means that rain or shine, holidays, special occasions, day or night he’s gotta be ready to go slaughter demonic beings. So he’ll inevitably miss out on important stages in the kiddos’ lives

And admittedly... He’ll be scared of his kids lmao

They’re screaming, crying, barfing, pooping, laughing, screaming again...He can’t predict their behavior. It’s unsettling. All of that goes away one night when you sit him down and place your sleeping baby in his arms. His eyes go wide...And he just watches. This tiny, little baby...Feels no fear for him. It’s comforted by his presence. He almost cries...ALMOST

He’s still pretty much the same Xiao we all know and love but now he has a kid. “Slaying demons is what I do...Hey, go back inside and finish your dinner. Yes, even your vegetables. I don’t care that you don’t like them-...Fine. Don’t tell your mother, bring them to me. I’ll eat them” cute :)

He’s a protective dad and husband, he’d never let anyone or anything harm his beloved family

Venti:

Venti....does not want kids. He thinks they’re cute! He likes the idea of kids but he knows he wouldn’t enjoy actually having kids

You two already have so much fun together!! You don’t need a kid!! You guys have dogs!! Dogs are like kids! But they’re more independent and they’re cuter!

He’ll feel bad if you want kids and he doesn’t, he really will! But it’ll be nearly impossible to convince him cause he’s made his mind up :/

Venti’ll make it up to you somehow though, he’ll take you out more and show you all of the adventures you guys can have if there aren’t kids around

But for the sake of fatherhood headcanons, let’s pretend he gave in. Venti would be a very caring dad. He would cuddle the hell out of this kiddo and sing to them :’) the only problem is that Venti doesn’t like being tethered to one place for too long so he tends to take off and not come back for a few days... :(

Albedo:

Albedo wants kids mostly just to see what fatherhood would be like. He’s always been curious about what that part of his life would be like so why not have a kid

He’d be good with one kid, two at most cause after practically raising Klee, he knows how some kids can be and...He doesn’t have the mental capacity for more than two kids at a time lmao

He tries his best to show more emotion in his face. We all know he usually sits like this 😐 and goes ‘wow im so happy right now’. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was bored out of his mind right? So he’s gotta work on that. And when he musters up a smile for the baby and it smiles back at him????? Yeah...He’s gonna try to smile a lot more now

He definitely softens up once he becomes a dad, he shows emotion more than he used to and surprisingly, he takes time off of work. Shocker, I know! He decides that he’s been in the lab long enough and that he wants to be able to be there for these moments with you and his kid(s) :’) :’) He trusts Sucrose and Timaeus to take over for him for a couple hours

He keeps a journal for each kid and writes down the date and time they have their firsts or just interesting things they do ->

- 8/4: Baby sees and plays with a cat for the first time

- 9/5: Baby smacked me in the face and laughed so hard she threw up

-9/12: Baby learns that pulling my hair gets my attention. She now continues to do so

-10/15: Baby stays at Aunt Klee’s house for the first time

Baizhu:

Baizhu really loves kids, he works with them a lot and he considers Qiqi to be his daughter anyway but in terms of you guys having a kid together, with his condition he can probably only handle one kid running around

He will do his absolute best to be a good dad. Even if he feels like death, he’ll help change diapers, feed the baby, care for it when you need a break. He isn’t contagious so when you’re sleeping and he feels gross, he’ll sit back against the pillows with the baby on his chest, the three of you resting together (though he doesn’t fall asleep...that would be dangerous for the baby)

Baizhu already tends to nag at you about your health and lifestyle choices but now?? He’ll be a menace. He’ll be constantly evaluating your baby’s condition, checking to see if a certain food is giving them a rash or making sure their skin isn’t drying out. He’s hyper aware of your baby’s health and will be the one to treat them if they get sick

He’s a busy guy since he runs the pharmacy but he will always do his best to be present for your baby’s big milestones! And when your kid cries cause Baizhu’s medicine tastes like shit, he’ll do his best to not be disappointed in their reaction lmao

When you leave him alone with the baby, he’ll wrap a scarf around himself to tie the baby to his chest while he works and...he looks so cute :) dad baizhu <3 <3 <3 <3

Bonus points for him buying the baby toy medical equipment so he can get your kiddo interested in medicine :)

[anashins]

The Right Kind of Wrong

Title: The Right Kind of Wrong

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: hate to love, cheating, college!au, friendship, romance, smut

Warnings: smut, cheating, cursing, toxicity

Word Count: 8.454

Summary: There are many reasons for you to hate Jung Jaehyun. Aside from being cocky and selfish, the fact that he is dating your best friend is another one of them. But his mesmerizing smile - to hell with it - just isn't.

____

There were at least a hundred things you hated about Jung Jaehyun.

The fact that he was dating your best friend was just one of them.

Not a single day had passed by in the last year in which she hadn’t complained about her boyfriend having flirted with another woman, having ditched her again, going to a party and ignoring her all night, or simply dragging her mood down by one of his unpredictable and hurtful actions.

Aside from being cocky, selfish, arrogant and reckless, Jung Jaehyun was absolutely incapable of being a decent human being for more than ten seconds, and you were wondering why he was so damn popular despite all his faults.

When you went out with your friend group, he mocked the boys trying to hit on you, telling you they were so desperate for that move. When you were attending the same class, he purposely sat down next to you to distract you from the lesson. When he was at your dorm, he kept moving your things onto high shelves, knowing you couldn’t reach them.

And his smirk everytime he did so… his smirk every time he mocked you was so annoying. But also so hot.

Fuck, you thought whenever his mischievious eyes met yours again, and you had to turn away, at a loss for words and afraid he’d caught you flushing. You were so ashamed, because you actually wanted to hate him.

There were many reasons for you to hate Jung Jaehyun, but his mesmerizing smile wasn't one of them.

You hadn’t hated him from the first moment that you two had officially met as you had gotten introduced to each other through your best friend who was also your dorm mate, though. She had found him on a dating app, and you had found him sitting in your class two days later, talking back to the professor.

Back then, you had started admiring his intelligence and courage. But those were the only two positive things you had spotted so far as you only tried to stay as far away from him as possible, emphasizing his negative character traits over and over again.

But the truth was that staying away from him was a very hard thing to do, and you fought every day for your sanity, trying to be a good friend and suppressing your controversial feelings for a man who was absolutely forbidden to you.

“He went drinking last night and I saw an instagram story of him grinding against another girl on the dancefloor!” your best friend complained in your arms, tears on the verge of flowing. “Who’s doing that even?!”

A few pairs of eyes turned into your direction, but when you threw fierce glances at the people staring at you, they passed by very quickly.

When you had been invited to your friend Johnny’s house party, you hadn’t expected to be spending the evening comforting your best friend, even though that had been your daily routine for the past three weeks.

It had grown toxicly usual for Jaehyun and her to fight in a two to three day rhythm over the smallest things, and although their wonky relationship or whatever it was hadn’t been very steady before with them breaking up nearly monthly, lately it had grown almost obnoxious.

“Why don’t you just break up with him?” you suggested again and immediately felt your heart sink.

It wasn’t like you wanted them to break up because you wanted Jaehyun for yourself. You’d never do that to her.

Your best friend was just constantly hurting, and it hurt you just as much when you saw her suffering so greatly. Jung Jaehyun wasn’t a good guy, and you both knew. Yet, she couldn’t let go of him. You knew exactly how that felt.

Even if they were to break up, he wouldn’t belong to you. Because a friend’s ex was a taboo. So having Jaehyun gone entirely from your lives would kill two birds with one stone.

“Not that again!” your friend whined and retreated from you, sinking into the couch with her arms crossed and no signs of tears anymore. “I can’t! I mean… look at him! He’s so hot, and don’t get me even started about his skills in bed. That’s where we usually make up, you know, so-”

“I’m going to get you something to drink!” you interrupted her and jumped up. “You totally need a cocktail now! To come to your senses!”

You loved your best friend dearly, but you didn’t want to hear about Jaehyun’s skills by all means. At some times, your friend didn’t have a filter, and then, it only spiraled downhill from there. You heard them often enough in the dorm, that was already pushing you to your limits.

When you entered the kitchen, you reached up to get a glass from the shelf, but like most of the times, you were too short for the remaining ones at the very top.

“Here, let me help you.”

A soft voice echoed from behind you, but before you could turn around to follow the tone, the guy had already heaved up his arm and reached over you to the very top of the shelf to get you a glass.

Shifting around, you faced the mischievous expression of the young man you had wanted to avoid and who your best friend was currently crying over.

Without a “thank you”, you reached out your hand to grab the glass from Jaehyun, but he immediately shot his arm up to bring the glass high over his head and far out of your reach.

“You think a simple ‘thank you’ is too much for you?”

“Fuck off, Jaehyun.” You crunched with your teeth and narrowed your eyes. “I’d rather die of thirst!”

“What did I do again?” He rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner as though his high spirits got ruined. “What did she tell you?”

“She told me everything she saw from last night!” you defended your friend. “That’s enough for me to get the picture!”

“Okay, and did the picture somehow include me pushing the girl away after she had grinded on me?”

You gulped.

“Just as I thought.”

He placed the glass on the counter, but somehow, this hadn’t got your both’s attention anymore.

“There are two sides of the same coin, yet all you've ever done was looking only at one.”

He approached you, and the rising hotness in your cheeks made you withdraw until your hips bumped into the kitchen counter.

Jaehyun leaned in and propped his arm against the same spot right next to your hip as he asked, “I know you’re her best friend, but being a friend doesn’t mean supporting your friends delusional, one sided thoughts into oblivion. Being a friend sure means to support, I’m not denying that. But being a true friend means to tell someone when they’re wrong. And I am not the one at fault here, y/n.”

“You were doing many stupid things to hurt her in the past!” you started blabbering just to bridge over the silence you’d get when you would stare at his mesmerizing eyes for a little longer. “How am I supposed to believe you?”

“You aren’t supposed to believe me.” He retreated, with the glass in his hand. “All I’m asking for is a chance to explain myself.”

Again, you were flabbergasted by the way he expressed his thoughts that stood in contrast to his questionable behavior. One of the main things that fascinated you. But you quickly turned this feeling into hate by recalling his wrongdoings from the night before.

Looking at the glass, Jaehyun continued, “Yes, there were many things I did wrong in the past. And I’m not going to pinpoint my finger at my girlfriend to tell that she was doing just as many questionable things as me. But people have reasons for doing the things they do. That’s probably why we’re such a good match.”

You didn’t understand a word. In your eyes, and you only knew about their relationship by what your friend told you and what you observed when you were hanging out, the two weren’t a good match at all.

He was the one constantly hurting her feelings, and she was the one to always get hurt.

Or... wasn’t it?

Jaehyun then thrusted the glass into your hand. “You’re lucky, y/n, you know that? It must be so great, living that freely, without any burdens… So oblivious to everything.”

With these words, he disappeared from the kitchen, leaving you behind all alone with the glass in your hand.

You looked at the item, your face getting reflected in the crystals to unrecognizability while Jaehyun’s words still kept you occupied. They had such an impact on you that you suddenly started to question whether your hate against him was actually valid.

When you stepped out of the kitchen yourself with a full glass of your best friend’s favorite cocktail in your hand, you found her in Jaehyun’s arms again, wildly kissing, his kind words suddenly vanished from your mind upon spotting them.

Instead, there was a little monster called jealousy sitting right inside your chest.

___

“8am in the morning! Who even places classes that early?!”

With a groan, Jaehyun flopped down in the seat next to you.

“Shut up, class is about to start.”

“Man, you must be really fun at parties,” he replied. “The professor is not even here yet.”

“You’re annoying, Jung Jaehyun, and if you weren’t dating my friend, I wouldn’t actually talk to you at all.”

“What are the odds we’re still connected to each other, huh! Tell me, y/n, what did I ever do to you? How did I ever hurt you? We’ve never even really spoken with each other ever since we’ve gotten introduced.”

“And I am grateful for this every single day.”

“What is it that you hate about me so much?” he questioned further, his eyes challenging.

But with your eyes straight ahead and no words on your lips, you ignored him as the professor entered the room only a short moment after, announcing the class’ start.

Your pen flew over the sheet, noting down the professor’s words when suddenly, goose bumps spread all over your arm.

When your eyes followed the trail to its source, your right elbow touched Jaehyun’s left one as a result of your hectic writing motions as you had moved too far to the side. The spot on your skin was so warm and so…

You withdrew your arm right away, placing it back to where it usually belonged, but Jaehyun’s own limb had moved so far to the left that you had no place to rest it next to your notes anymore without having his skin barely one inch apart from you. You weren’t touching anymore, but he was so close that you still felt him somehow.

Of course you could drop your arm and place it on your lap as the professor had stopped presenting the most important points of this lesson. Of course you could just move further away with your entire belongings, but the fact was that you didn’t. That you couldn’t.

Instead, you were fixating your eyes on the board right in front of you, listening to your professor’s words but not actually understanding a single syllable that he uttered as your heart beat fast against your chest.

You hoped that Jaehyun didn’t notice how desperate you were for him not to shift away right now. That you actually enjoyed it, but felt so much hatred at the same time. Not against him, but against you - for feeling this way.

“Can you answer my question, Miss y/n?”

Your eyes widened in shock as you got addressed by the professor by your surname. You were actually a good student who was always paying attention in class. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t have happened. But now you got caught red handed not listening to him, and he was a very strict lecturer.

“I… um…” you stuttered.

“The answer to my question, Miss.”

“Yes… the answer…” You gulped as you didn’t even know the question. “The answer is…”

From the corner of your eyes, you perceived how a sheet was slowly moving into your direction from Jaehyun’s place. His finger was pointed at a paragraph that you had also noted down only shortly before.

Suddenly, you knew what the question was about and answered formally to the professor’s task.

With your heart having calmed down after the shock, you let yourself sink down on your seat again. You had gotten distracted only once by something that shouldn’t bother you at all.

This wouldn’t happen again, you swore to yourself.

____

“No ‘thank you’ again from you?”

You turned around to Jaehyun who had rosen a brow at you. “Is this becoming your thing now? Asking for ‘thank yous’?”

“Is this becoming your thing now?” he returned. “Not saying ‘thank you’? I saved your ass in class.”

“Well, I haven’t asked for that, so go beg somewhere else for attention.”

You made your way through the crowded club, feelling the bass under your feet and the techno music in your ears. Jaehyun was following suit.

“Do you want some kind of reward from me? Because you’re not going to get it.”

“I don’t want a reward. Hey.”

He reached out and grabbed you by your arm, right there on the dancefloor. The feeling from this morning returned, but in a higher intensity as it spread all over your body.

“All I’m asking for is respect.”

You snorted. “Respect? Do you respect my friend when you destroy her weekend plans to go drinking with your friends instead? Do you respect my friend when you dance ass on ass with another girl? Do you respect my friend when you hurt her feelings with your rude words? I don’t like you, Jung Jaehyun, because you’re a bad person, and respect is the last thing you’ll ever get from me!”

You yanked yourself out from his grip and disappeared in the mass. What was up with him? Why was he bothering so much lately and evoking all these controversial feelings inside you by acting like this? He should just stay away.

With your eyes closed, you started to move with the music, all by yourself there on the dancefloor. You wanted to collect your thoughts, but as the music flooded through your body, you realized that thinking about nothing was probably the best way to cope with your inner struggles right now.

You opened your eyes widely when you suddenly felt a hand on your bum.

Turning around with much anger reflected in your mien, you stared at a boy around your age who grinned at you seductively. Your fierce gaze was probably mistaken for an invitation when he approached you further, grabbed you by your hips from the front and pressed you against him.

With his lips on your ear, he whispered, “I like what I see.”

And you wanted to scream. You probably did, but it got drowned out by the loud music, and his grip was way too hard for you to free yourself that easily as you shuffled in his arms.

“Let me go!”

Yet, his hands roamed around your private areas like they owned it.

“HEY!”

Before you could scream once more, the guy got dragged away from you by the last person you had expected it from.

“She said let go of her, you asshole!”

Jaehyun grabbed him by his collar, and his height and angry expression alone were probably enough for the other guy to nearly piss his pants as he hastily mouthed,

“I’m so sorry!”

When Jaehyun let go of him, he slipped off silently and wasn’t seen again.

You stood there awkwardly with your arms hugging your chest, still digesting the happenings.

“Did he hurt you?” Jaehyun asked when he leaned in for you to understand better.

You shook your head.

“Do you want to go outside?”

You nodded.

Jaehyun took you by your hand to lead you through the dancing crowd, and you didn’t protest.

This gesture was the total opposite to the disgusting one from the guy who had harassed you shortly before. This touch was raw and chaste. Nothing to be ashamed of and fight against, but something you wanted to accept wholeheartedly.

When you stood outside of the club, Jaehyun let go of your hand, and you finally whispered the words that he had been longing to hear for quite a time,

“Thank you.”

Against your expectations, he didn’t mock you or return witty words. With his eyes locked with yours, he sincerely told you,

“You’re welcome.”

That was the moment it dawned on you that Jung Jaehyun had more positive sides to him that you had always wanted to blend out. But perhaps, you had reached a point in which this wasn’t possible anymore.

You couldn’t continue keeping your eyes closed to all the kind sides of him. Because the more he showed you, the more you’d open your heart for him.

To you, Jung Jaehyun had to remain a bad person, otherwise you’d fall for him, and falling for your best friend’s boyfriend was a taboo.

“Hey, what are you two doing outside?!” Speaking of the devil, your best friend jumped out of the club’s door and into your direction. “Isn’t the music fun?”

Jaehyun looked at you, waiting for your reaction. You knew that if you wanted to go home, he’d follow. If you wanted to stay, he’d stay too, not letting you out of his sight. Because - and you couldn’t repeat this often enough - Jaehyun was actually a good person.

“I want to go home,” you decided. “You can stay, though! Please just let me be the party pooper all alone, I don’t want to spoil your night.”

“Oh, what a pity!” your friend said with a pout. “You always leave when the party is about to start!”

You shrugged with a weak smile, tired of fighting. “Yeah, I guess so. But I still have a lot of pages to revise.”

“Shall we take you back to the dorm?” Jaehyun offered in a caring voice that you apparently encountered for the first time, and your friend immediately shot a reproachful glare at him.

“Are you being serious right now?” she complained. “She’s a grown ass woman who can go home alone!”

His eyes hadn’t left yours. “I’m talking to her, not you.”

Had it always been like this? Her caring about herself more than about you? If it were the other way around, you wouldn’t let her go home alone in the middle of the night, no matter if you knew something had happened before or not.

Suddenly, you saw your best friend from a whole other perspective. Suddenly, she was the one having Jaehyun on a leash, and he was the one fighting back for his rights, not against her.

Two sides of the same coin… If you were to flip it, would your entire world view change?

For a moment, you hesitated. But not wanting to disturb your friend’s evening, you gave in with a, “It’s okay, I can go alone. Have a nice night!”

But Jaehyun held you back when he insisted on calling you an uber for which he even paid while your best friend continued pouting on the side.

____

“FUCK YOU, JAEHYUN!” you heard your best friend scream later that night from her room, every syllable of hers clearly to hear in your own room while you laid in bed later that night.

The hours before had passed by in a trance as you had only fallen onto your mattress face forward after having quickly changed into your pj’s, that was how much of a toll the day had taken on you.

You just wanted to forget what had happened in the club, but also the thoughts that had constantly been in your mind all the way home that only revolved around Jaehyun. So sleep was the best solution, and you would have gladly continued doing so if there weren’t your best friend and Jaehyun arguing loudly next to you for an hour already.

Then, Jaehyun seemed to return something to which she screamed again, “I DON’T FUCKING CARE!”

Stomping followed the brief silence, a door getting opened, then shut again, and footsteps moved into the direction of the entry door before it fell close behind Jaehyun.

This was a nearly weekly experience for you lately, and usually, you’d just miss hearing their arguments, but this time you couldn’t help but to wonder what they had been yelling about. You just hoped it wasn’t because of you and what had happened to you earlier, because in your eyes, Jaehyun had done nothing wrong.

He had been so incredibly nice and thoughtful that you started to doubt their relationship.

You turned in your bed, wanting to fight those thoughts so badly. Jaehyun was your best friend’s boyfriend, and hence, forbidden fruit for you. But you just couldn’t stop your imagination from running now.

What it would be like in your best friend’s place and get treated like this every day, and the worst part was that you didn’t even feel bad about betraying her in your mind.

Fuck, you only thought and sat straight up in bed, now surely not being able to grasp a light thought to accompaby you back to lseep anymore.

Feeling safe to leave your room ten minutes later as your roommate must have fallen asleep by now, you didn’t think about sleep anymore but wanted to get a glass of water from the kitchen to calm yourself down.

Perhaps, tomorrow, you’d have another look at the entire situation, you tried to convince yourself. After a few more hours of sleep, all these confusing thoughts and feelings might have already been forgotten.

“Cannot sleep yet?”

You turned around and found a half naked Jaehyun only dressed in boxers right in front of you. The empty glass of water in your hands got placed back on the counter with shaky fingers.

“What are you doing here?” you contered.

“Well… she suddenly left.” He shrugged. “We’ve been arguing. You sure haven’t missed that one.”

“I didn’t.”

Still, you were wondering what that was all about, but didn’t want to ask. He lifted the weight off your shoulders himself though.

“It was about you.”

“Oh…?” You gulped.

“When you were gone, I went back to that guy and didn’t let him go that easily. They threw me out of the club and your friend thought I'd ruined the night for her.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

You wanted to make your way around him, but he blocked your way as he didn’t move to make space for you to pass by the door.

“What’s making me a bad person, y/n?” Jaehyun suddenly asked. “ The way I saved you in class? In the club? Tell me.”

“You cannot be serious right now. It’s 5am, draw a number for another day.”

You wanted to slip under his stretched out arm, but he moved his body to block you again. “Number one. Now tell me.”

“Because those have been the only times you were nice to me, Jung Jaehyun!” You clenched your fists, breathing in deeply. “When we go out with our friend group, you mock the boys trying to hit on me, telling them they’re so desperate for that move!”

“Because I heard them speaking about you before,” he declared. “They were not looking for something serious but only fun, one had even placed a bet. I tried to spare you from this embarrassment and eventual lovesickness. Go on.”

“When we’re in the same class, you purposely sit down next to me to distract me from the lesson!”

This one let him smirk. “Because I always saw you sitting there alone. You have no friends in that class, and I thought you might need some company. Besides… I knew you couldn’t afford that book we needed, and I purposely always shoved it into your direction when the professor read from it. Have you never noticed?”

Now you have. And you were flabbergasted.

“Wh… when,” you stuttered, “you’re over here, you always move my stuff onto high shelves, knowing I cannot reach them!”

“Because I love to see the defeated look on your face and your cute pout when you have to ask me to get the things for you.”

You didn’t know what to say further as you stood there, frozen on the spot. You hadn’t seen this answer coming.

“Anything else?”

Yes, there were many things you hated him for, and you wanted to throw them all into his face, but as he was standing there in front of you, not even one more came into your mind.

“I just hate you to the core!” you hissed.

But with calmness in his voice, he only turned, “No, you don’t.”

And then, it was all only a blur.

You wanted to push him away, but instead, you found yourself nudging against his body. You wanted to free yourself from his grip, but instead, you wrapped your arms around him. You wanted to escape from his kiss, but instead, you kissed him back in the same passionate manner he kissed you.

Jaehyun’s hands roamed all over your lightly covered body while his lips moved against yours, touching every spot he had missed out on during the entire time he knew you, because you had always pushed him away.

But now that you had opened up to him, you were scared the time window was about to close very soon, so you had to work fast.

You jumped on him, hooking your thighs around his waist while his hands instantly clung around your buttocks to give you the support he needed to carry you to your bedroom. Your hands remained interlaced on the back of his neck when he placed you onto your bed and laid himself between your legs.

Thrown overboard were all your morals, priorities, and the friendship to the person that meant the world to you. You didn’t want to think about all that, but were longing for him so desperately that you wondered for how long you had been suppressing that desire already.

Jung Jaehyun was hot. But he was a bad person.

Or… wasn’t he?

You desperately ground upwards against him, feeling him growing between your legs, and you brought your hands down to massage his length. Jaehyun interrupted your kiss as he hadn’t expected this move to come, and groaned into your ear.

You smirked triumphantly, your hands kneading muscles until he was pressed hard against your palms. Tucking your fingers into the waistband of his boxers, you slid the garment from his hips, revealing his bum. Your hands glided along his curvy, soft mounds, grabbing into them like you were testing ripe peaches.

Jaehyun was pecking your lips as you slid your hands under his body again and closed around his entire girth. He stopped for a moment, but the second he continued on, you started moving your hands, top on top, along his length.

Not being able to concentrate on the feeling down there and kissing you simultaneously anymore, you perceived how Jaehyun got weak with supporting his body on his own arms that he had rested to the left and right of your head. So you decided to take the lead from here on.

Sitting up yourself, you put your palms on Jaehyun’s chest and pushed him backwards onto the mattress. He watched you with surprised eyes, but didn’t protest as you sat on his thighs, eyeing his member with much anticipation.

You slid further down his legs, nearly close to his ankles, and bowed down. With your fingers wrapped around the base of his dick, you led him to your mouth. First letting the tip pass by your lips, then his entire length up until the very middle.

You only heard him swearing, “fucking shit,” before Jaehyun covered his face with his arm placed over his eyes and his other clasping the sheet by his side. Your hair grazed over the area around his navel while you moved your head up and down, cautiously slow at first to give yourself time to adapt to his length.

Then, you started bobbing your head, increasing the speed with every time you came up and nearly let him slip out, your fingers that had closed around him sliding in the same rhythm, adding to the pleasure. The slurping noises that came along with this act filled the room until they got drowned out by Jaehyun’s moans.

He directed his hand towards your head and grabbed it by the back, ruffling your hair between his fingers while he started to thrust upwards, meeting you halfway in the fast motions. Like this, he was able to reach deep within you, but still not far enough so that he could hurt you.

When you witnessed him twitching his legs, you stopped, held him still by the base and decided to tease him further a bit before you allowed him to release himself. With the tip of your tongue, you touched his glans, trailed along the slip and then circled around the entire top part.

Jaehyun’s swearing words came in a never ending trail like a waterfall that you couldn’t really understand all syllables from, but you were sure you did a good job and rewarded him for being patient with the motions from before again, but this time with added pressure and passion.

Suddenly, he grabbed you by your arm, urging you to stop.

“Or else I’m gonna cum,” he said and sat himself up, flipping you around so that you laid under him again.

Hastily, you got rid of your top while Jaehyun worked on your sleeping shorts until shortly after, you were both lying naked on top of each other. You wanted him desperately inside you, because you just didn’t know when you’ve had had sex the last time, but instead of wanting to get through this fast, Jaehyun took his time.

That was when you realized that this entire joining was probably more to him than just sex to get it off. You had thought that because he hadn’t been able to get it tonight from your best friend, he’d take it from you. But the way he touched you insisted otherwise.

If it wasn’t more than just sex, he wouldn’t trail his fingers over your ribcage in feathery-light motions, admiring every inch of your body. If it wasn’t more than a body-focused act, he wouldn’t place soft kisses not only on your mouth, but also onto your forehead, your cheek, your neck… If it wasn’t more, Jaehyun wouldn’t be so damn thoughtful and tender.

He remained his tenderness and his gaze didn’t leave your eyes as well when he finally nudged between your thighs, pushing forward until he filled you up to the brim.

Restraining himself from starting to move right away, Jaehyun took his time to ask you whether you were okay at first when you let out a quiet “oh” that alarmed him. But you were eager to calm him down when you explained that it was only because you hadn’t been with a man in so long, and somehow, after speaking it out, it made you feel embarrassed.

As the boyfriend of your best friend, he’d surely know when you had been in contact with a man the last time, and you hated yourself for being so pressured by society to feel ashamed of who you were and how you lived your life.

But instead of judging you, Jaehyun only nodded and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, and suddenly, you were flooded with such a warm feeling towards him that you nearly cried. Rarely had you encountered a man so considerate and caring.

“Tell me when I can go on.”

You bit your lip and felt the uncomfortable pressure in your nether regions getting replaced by a feeling that you hadn’t encountered in so long. A feeling that made you want more, want him.

Holding onto his shoulders with both of your hands, you nodded back at him with a smile which he then returned. When Jaehyun started thrusting in and out of you, your eye contact didn’t break, and you were sure that right now, you were looking at the real Jaehyun at this very moment.

Not the guy you hated. Not the guy your best friend was dating. But instead the person who wanted to protect you from guys that only wanted to use you. A person who offered you company in class and shared his equipment with you. And a person whose cheekiness and affection he showed through childish acts because he didn’t know how to express his feelings otherwise.

This was not the person you were sure of knowing all along. Probably because you hadn’t even gotten to know him in the first place.

One arm now clung around his neck while with the other, you grabbed the pillow beside you. You threw your head back in excitement, his pushes coming in short intervals one after another, and he was hitting all the right spots with them.

Jaehyun propped his arms up to the left and right of him, lifting his upper body to gather all his strength in his groin area and stopped for a brief moment before he thrusted inside you with such force that it nearly knocked all air out of your lungs, and you couldn’t respond with anything else than moaning.

It felt so good, so… right. But how could something so wrong still feel so right?

Right now, you didn’t hate Jaehyun or your best friend the most, but yourself and the fact that you continued on and on. That you brought your hips up to meet his thrusts with hazy thoughts and his lips all over yours when he slowed down with his movements to dedicate himself to caressing your breasts.

You felt Jaehyun’s hot tongue swirling over your buds, and you shook under him. Not because it felt cold, but because his tender caresses just felt so good. You didn’t have the feeling that he could do anything wrong with whatever he carried out, that was your impression about how well your bodies meshed together.

No, you didn’t hate Jaehyun. You had always only hated how he had presented himself to you. But there was so much more to him.

Sweat droplets showed on his forehead when he continued with the hard thrusts again, the sound of you both breathing heavily mixing together with the sloppy noises of your bodies moving against each other filling the room, but no matter how messy sex was, it was the most romantic thing you had experienced in a long time.

Your eye contact also didn’t break when Jaehyun arose above you, his sweaty chest glistening in the dim light that shone through your windows, and increased his pace even more. When he dropped his head and bit his lip in the process, you wrapped your arms around him and added pressure to your nether regions as you felt him approaching his heights.

It felt very good to you too, but you were by any means not as far as him yet, so you didn’t blame him when he came only a short moment after with a groan that sounded sexy as hell to you.

You held him tightly when he fell limply onto your chest, still breathing heavily from the orgasm that slowly faded. Staring at the ceiling, you smiled with him in your arms, just enjoying the moment when Jaehyun moved away from you.

“We’re not done here yet,” you saw him grin as he laid himself next to you, rolled onto the side and placed his head in his palms as he propped his elbow against the mattress.

You wondered what was to come when you felt his finger tips dragging from your thighs to your navel, then lower again and stopped right at your most sensitive spot.

“Oh!” you let out as he placed two fingers on your folds and started moving them up and down with your remaining juices as lube that made the intense feeling kick in almost immediately.

You screamed when he added pressure and now directed circling motions around the sensitive bundle of nerves. From your half-closed eyes, you witnessed him looking at you with such admiration but also cheekiness as you writhed and wreathed under him, yet spread your legs even wider as release was so close.

Jaehyun leaned in to you, his fingers not letting go of the continuity as he half covered your body with his and just kissed you passionately. Like this, he encountered first hand how the orgasm took over you, and you moaned into his mouth, riding it out against his hand.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world when he wrapped his arms around you right after and pulled you onto his chest, and you drifted off into a slumber shortly after.

Even though the first tendencies of your bad consciousness set in before you closed your eyes, you decided that this would be the problem of tomorrow.

No, you didn’t hate Jung Jaehyun.

If anything, you should probably hate yourself.

___

“YES… YES… YESYESYES, OHMYGOD!”

You heard your friend from the other side of the wall, having rudely awakened you in the early morning hours. At least you thought so. But a glimpse at your phone through sleepy eyes told you that it was past 11am already.

Within a second, you were wide awake.

You were still naked, but the clothes on your floor only belonged to you, and the spot next to you in the bed was empty.

“OH!MY!GOD!.... YES! OH… OH.... AAAAH… OHOHOH… YES!!”

Jaehyun was gone. At least from your room.

Your best friend’s headboard constantly bumped against the wall, and you grabbed your pillow to cover your ears with it. You didn’t want to hear the sounds. Not because they stole your sleep, but because somehow, for the first time, you didn’t feel disturbed by the noise, but actually hurt.

In your mind, you imagined Jaehyun’s mesmerizing smile, the witty expression he was constantly wearing and his deep voice that had showed you for the first time last night that there was a certain softness within it.

You felt hurt, because you knew all the things from last night had been real between you two, yet he was still fucking your best friend mere hours later. What you had shared and felt had been special, yet he was still with her.

And suddenly, you felt hate again. But towards yourself. For betraying your best friend with him. But first and foremost, for betraying yourself.

You had never hated Jung Jaehyun.

You had always felt some certain kind of attraction towards him, but kept telling yourself you hated him to push him as far away from you as possible. If this wouldn’t be so wrong under these circumstances, this attraction would feel right and could blossom. But like this, you could never come to enjoy this feeling entirely.

Your relationship had been doomed from the very start, because given the wicked circumstances, you would never be able to form a healthy relationship. It was like a stain that would never vanish on a white sheet.

So you just decided to continue as usual. To keep this a secret between the both of you and just to carry on with your life.

And to hate Jung Jaehyun just a little more.

You just didn’t know how to feel and act towards your best friend without feeling so much… regret.

“Good morning.”

But the young man stepping out of your best friend’s room wasn’t Jaehyun. But Johnny.

You sat there in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, your mouth agape. And then it started to rattle in your head.

Lately, there were times when your best friend had screamed the name “Jaehyun!” loudly during the act. Those were the times you had actually seen him the next morning. But the nights she hadn’t screamed a certain name, no one had ever come out. And those times, you had counted more than the ones with Jaehyun in the past weeks, just when their loud arguments started on a nearly daily basis.

“Where’s Jaehyun?” you asked without greeting her good morning as you walked into her room.

“Oh, we had a fight last night,” she explained to you while getting herself dressed casually. “And then we broke up. I went away to be with Johnny after throwing him out, and we’ve only gotten back this morning. I hope he left last night already and didn’t stay here.”

“What?” you wondered.

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “I’ll get over it.”

“You actually already got over it as I’ve seen!”

“Oh, Johnny?”

“You’ve been fucking him for weeks already?” you provoked.

She shrugged again. “Perhaps a month… So what?”

You stood there, totally lost for words. “You’ve been crying about Jaehyun to me ever since you got together! That he flirted with other women, ditched you, went to parties and ignored you! And now you’re telling me you’ve been cheating on him for quite a while?! And this instagram story drama from last week?”

She sighed and flopped down onto the bed. “Okay, admittedly, I’m not an angel in this story, but he is by far neither! He was not. There were many things he has done wrong in the past. But then he actually started… doing nothing wrong. Being the picture perfect boyfriend without all these flaws and drama. And perhaps, this is not something that I want, so I started to look around elsewhere.”

“So…” You paused, still processing the shock. “Was it all an act? All the times you’ve cried to me over him lately while cheating behind his back?”

“Not an act, precisely,” she said reluctantly. “Yes, he explained every situation to me. And I was being dramatic over it for nothing, perhaps. I don’t know… I still enjoyed being with him though, but it just didn’t feel right anymore. I want to have men just… telling me I’m right, always coming back to me… what’s a relationship without fire? But Jaehyun didn’t want to do this anymore.”

In your head, you recalled everything that Jaehyun had told you. About there being two sides of the same coin, about you being so oblivious. All this time, he knew that she had cheated on him. He knew what you thought of him, yet he had never made a move to ever explain it to you.

But why?

“As he should,” you then stated. “How you treated him was awful!”

“Only because I cheated on him a few times?” she chuckled. “Come on!”

“I’m your best friend, and yet you lied to me! You twisted and turned stories so that you’d always be the one at right! But the truth is, you’re the bad person here. Not him.”

“Now what? He’s gone from our lives. Don’t care about him.”

But the truth was, you did. Now more than about her.

That was why, an hour later, you found yourself in front of his dorm. When he opened shortly after you had knocked, you stared at him, still gasping for air as you had run the entire way here, with all the memories from last night coming back with each step.

“She’s been cheating on you,” were the only words you brought out.

“I know.”

“For how long?” you asked.

“I assume for just as long.”

You breathed in heavily, not understanding a word. “But why did you stay with her?”

Jaehyun smiled meekly. “Because I don’t think I deserve a good person like you are.”

It ran hot and cold down your back. “I… I don’t understand.”

He leaned against the door frame with crossed arms, and even though he seemed uncomfortable talking about his feelings, he still did.

“I haven’t been the best boyfriend for her most times in this relationship, I admit this openly. We weren’t really good for each other and it destroyed me to the point that I wanted to change. But when I started being the boyfriend she had wished for, it wasn’t right either and she started cheating. So I just settled with it. Because I thought I screwed up to that point where I won’t be able to make anyone happy anymore and also don’t deserve the same in return. Even though I only wanted you...”

“You douche!” You stomped with your feet on the ground.

“What?” he returned perplexed with furrowed brows.

“Everyone deserves love and to love! And you’re not different from anyone else!”

His confusion got replaced with a mild smile. “You’re so kind, y/n. That’s one of the things I like the most about you. But you’re also oblivious.”

Jaehyun pulled out his phone, scrolled through his messenger and started playing a voice message from a very familiar person.

“Why do you even care about this bitch, Jaehyun?!” In the background, you heard music and other people talking. “She’s a stupid nerd, and I’ve only befriended her because she helps me studying and listens to my complains since we’re dorm mates, so don’t even waste a single thought about this party pooper!”

You stood there as though you had been rendered motionless. Your heart had dropped to your feet.

“This is from last night when I quickly went outside again to check whether you rode away safely with your uber and she couldn’t find me directly. That’s why we argued and broke up. No, it’s not the first time she’s talked about you like this.” He put his phone away. “I thought letting you hate me would make it easier for a kind person like you to keep their distance from someone like me. Because, in the end, I will only hurt you too. But the more I started to genuinely like you, the more I felt protective towards you. I couldn’t see her speaking about you like this anymore.”

Your breathing came in hitches as your whole world suddenly crashed over you. Your best friend wasn’t your best friend. She had probably never been.

You stumbled backwards, and Jaehyun stepped forward to grab you by your arm, but you pulled it away.

“I…. I just…” you stuttered. “I have to… talk to her.”

“Sure.”

The whole way home, you only cried.

Not over Jaehyun, but over the betrayal of someone you had considered your best friend, yet had hurt you in the most painful way like no man ever could. And the fact that you had been an asshole to her to the same extent after having slept with her boyfriend the same night they had broken up was probably the final straw.

You were no saint here. You had added to your both’s downfall just as much. And it hurt much more than any heartbreak you had experienced so far.

You had to sort your life out and right now, and amongst this chaos there was no place for Jaehyun in your life.

____

You put the last vase with dried flowers on your shelf, stepped backwards to your room’s door and inspected the final set up.

“Finished!” you praised yourself.

It had taken you three months to move to a new dorm, but this was your last step to a new chapter in your life.

You hadn’t had contact with your former best friend ever since your final conversation in which you had handed the keys over to her. The many conversations before had only consisted of screams, accusations and tears.

She had admitted to saying all those things about you, but also to genuinely have come like you. You weren’t so sure whether that was real or one of her lies again. You had admitted to sleeping with Jaehyun, and she would have forgiven you for that as she hadn’t been really in love with him anymore at this point, but you were sure you didn’t want either in your life anymore.

Your best friend because she had hurt you deeply, and Jaehyun because of your burdensome history. All of you had done so many wrong things, and you were only a bundle of toxic people together, so chaotic that you were better off apart from each other.

But you didn’t want to be this toxic kind of person anymore. So you moved out and left your old life behind.

You didn’t go to that class with Jaehyun anymore, and although you missed him, the touches of your joint night still present on your skin sometimes, you wanted to move on from even the mere imaginations of him as well. You were sure that you’d find a guy just like him, but you missed him wherever you went and couldn’t help but ask yourself “what if?”

The fact that he hadn’t reached out to you either made it easier, and as summer break came and passed, and the new semester started, you had kissed two news guys already, made a new friend group and were just overall happy.

But you still missed Jaehyun dearly and all the possibilities of what could have happened if only your timing had been right in life. Even if he wasn’t the right one for you.

“Is this seat taken?”

And then, one day, there he was again. Taking the seat next to you as though no time had ever passed between the two of you, smiling that mesmerizing smile you didn’t hate.

You only stared at him, and his kind expression didn’t break. When you moved your head to the front again where the professor introduced himself, you couldn’t help but to smile too. Because this wasn’t the expression of a bad person.

People changed, and just like good traits could turn into bad traits, a bad person could turn into a good one also. And they all deserved a second chance.

You had only known the Jaehyun from your best friend’s perspective, and then also his body. But even though you had gotten a glimpse of the real Jaehyun here and there, you didn’t quite know him entirely yet.

But you wanted to. The good, the bad, the real. Jaehyun wasn’t the right one for you, but such a thing didn’t exist. What mattered were only your feelings.

Because in fact, you didn’t hate Jung Jaehyun. At all.

[sunmoonandsandsoundtracks]

love me harder

what's this? i'm posting early?! someone call the vatican, because i'm pretty sure i'm possessed.

full confession, this story was never meant to be, but one review over on ao3 changed that. for those of you who wished for a sequel to love me like you do, direct any joy/gratitude/positive feelings toward the spectacular @starthesenpai, who has been an invaluable part of my creative process for the last few months. she's also a great hype woman, and a kick ass writer, so i highly recommend you haul ass over to her page to check out her stories. you can see my personal favorites of hers in my fic rec list. seriously, you should have been there like five minutes ago.

i really hope this holds up in the shadow of its predecessor, but my style/mentality is vastly different than it was when i wrote said story. there is no angst involved here, so it's all just happy, feel good moments. and sexy time... that i hope i did okay with.

masterlist

spotify/youtube

word count: 7148

warnings: none

nsfw below the cut. enjoy, and happy valentine's day, friends!

You never knew how fast time could go by.

Sure, it seemed to pass a little too quickly when you thought about your age, but that wasn’t the case when you thought about your relationship. You could look back over the time that you’d been dating Gaara with nothing but fondness and joy. The same joy that radiated from you the morning after, and had your coworkers fearing for your sanity, considering the shape you’d been in the day prior.

“Okay, what happened to you, and what do I have to do to get me some of that?” Ittetsu questioned, luckily after your boyfriend was in his office.

You just shook your head, grinning like an idiot. “I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have enjoyed it nearly as much as I did.”

“Oh, come on! Sharing is caring!”

Matsuri just stared at you, quizzical. When she left you at the end of the day, you had all the enthusiasm of a convict on death row. What could have changed you so drastically in just over twelve hours?

“It’s good to see you. I told you he wouldn’t fire you if you explained yourself,” she greeted you.

“You were right, and I did know that. It was just that this was such a big deal. I was freaking out,” you explained as you got set up for the day.

“It obviously went much better than you expected. You just walked in beside him with no problem.”

It took every ounce of control you possessed to not give yourself away.

You invited her out for drinks that Friday with you and your two best girlfriends. She’d almost turned you down, but the skillful wielding of your rarely used puppy dog eyes and the promise of some details that you couldn’t divulge in the office had proved to be too much for her to resist.

“All right, spill,” Sari- who you found out knew Matsuri from a yoga class- commanded as soon as you sat down at your table at the bar, not even letting you get comfortable first. “We’ve been bugging you since that night, and all you’ve said is that it went well and you still have a job. Explanation, now!”

You sighed, knowing this would be the first thing you’d have to talk about. Skimming over the intimate details, you told Matsuri, Sari, and Yukata what had happened from when you entered Gaara’s office to when you left with him. By the time you were finished, all three of their jaws were on the floor.

“Let me get this straight. He gave you a pass, you spilled hot coffee on yourself, he helped you strip, gave you his shirt, poured you some wine, showed you the tattoo that matches yours, the two of you confessed to liking each other, and then you fucked in his office?!” Sari questioned, her voice getting higher and higher, reaching a shrill shriek when she reached the last part. “Now you’re dating him?”

You sipped at the drink they’d only let you get once you agreed to start talking. “It was a little more romantic than that, but yeah, that’s essentially it.”

“Damn, girl! Okay, start taking notes, because I’ve got some workplace fantasies that I need you to live out for me.”

You just laughed and waved her off. “You know I’m not really into stuff like that, and I don’t think Gaara is either. This was a one time thing because so much got out of control.”

“How would you know?” Yukata questioned. “Have you talked much about it since this started? You mentioned that he was a virgin. He might not know himself.”

“No, we haven’t talked about it, I didn’t say he’s a virgin for sure, just that I suspected he was, and he’s busy. He’s important at work, and at home.”

“Oh, right! Have you explained to his kid who you are, and why you’re coming around?” Sari questioned.

“I talked to him a bit that night. He’s an intelligent boy, but romantic relationships are definitely a foreign concept to him. I just hope he’ll be okay about all of this. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, or make him think I’m stealing his dad.”

“What can you really do other than let him get to know you?” Yukata asked.

“You’re right,” you sighed. “It’s not like I’m trying to be his mom.”

“But if things get serious, that’s who you could become,” Sari pointed out.

You shook your head. “No matter what happens between Gaara and I, if Shinki doesn’t want a mom, then I won’t be one. I’ll just try to be his friend. If he decides he doesn’t like me at all, then… I don’t know. I love Gaara, but that’s not something I think I could handle long-term.”

“So you’d break up with him?”

“It depends on what he wants, but I won’t say that I never would. Anyway, enough of this. We’re supposed to be celebrating. I’m in a relationship with a great man, and it’s off to a great start.”

The rest of the night was spent inducting Matsuri into the group and dodging questions about the specifics of just how good Gaara was as a lover. All you said was that he either had some experience yet to be disclosed, or he was a natural.

You and Gaara successfully kept your relationship covert, typically spending at least one evening a week together, either going out to dinner, or you’d go over and the two of you would tackle a new recipe. Shinki was a very straightforward critic, not holding back on the blunt feedback.

Speaking of the child, you did exactly as you’d told your friends you would, and focused on being a friendly adult figure to him whenever you were there. You tried to be attentive to him, watching for any signs that he was uncomfortable or jealous of the attention Gaara was giving you, but he was very mature, and even though he was taking time to warm up to you, he seemed content.

He had warmed up to you more than you realized by his ninth birthday, not even a full five months after meeting you…

“So what do you want to do for your big day?” You asked as the two of you waited on Gaara to return from taking a call before eating. “It’s only a week away.” “I want to go to the museum, and there’s a new movie that just came out,” he plainly explained.

“That sounds like fun! I’ve heard the interactive exhibit for children is really good, and if I’m thinking of the right one, I bet that movie will be entertaining. I’m sure you and your father will have a great day!” You replied with a smile. “Then you get to pick whatever you want for dinner. Do you have what you want in mind?” He looked back at you in confusion. “We’ll pick something up from the restaurant we like on our way home. Aren’t you coming too? It’s Saturday, so you aren’t working, right?”

Taken aback, you took a moment to answer. “Do you want me to come?”

“It would make Father happy.”

“Shinki, this is your birthday. It’s about what will make you happy, not your father. He wants you to have what you want,” you said in a gentle tone. “I would never intrude on the special time you two get together, especially on your special day.”

He blushed and looked away, eliciting a laugh that you barely stopped.

“I want you to come too,” he mumbled, drawing a grin from you. “Well, if that’s the case, then while we’re out, do you want to pick your present from me? Or do you still want it to be a surprise?” Later that night, as you and Gaara cuddled in bed after he all too easily convinced you to stay, you told him about the conversation between you and his son.

“Did you think he didn’t like you?” He asked.

“I wasn’t worried that he didn’t like me at all, but to want me to be there when he could have you all to himself for an entire day is way more than I was expecting,” you explained. “I’m still a little concerned that he doesn’t really want me to be there-”

“He wants you there,” he cut you off. “I’ve talked with him often about you, and he truly enjoys having you around.”

The smile that split your face was so wide, it was almost painful. “That’s great! I just want him to be comfortable, and I’d be so happy if he was just okay with me being around, but I wouldn’t think he’d actual-”

He cut you off again, this time with his mouth on yours, and you immediately calmed down from the happy buzz. Jumping from one good feeling to the next was abrupt, but it introduced a new kind of buzz to which you had quickly grown accustomed.

“What was that for?” You asked when the kiss ended. “Do I need a reason?”

“Well, no, but when you interrupt me like that, I can’t help but wonder.”

“It’s nothing,” he said, but his smile told you otherwise.

You did go out with them the day of Shinki’s birthday, and you had the photographic evidence on your phone to memorialize the wonderful day.

There were several moments in all that time where you couldn’t help but smile when they came to mind. The secretive smirks and kisses exchanged at work, When you introduced him to your friends-

“So you can thank us at any time,” Sari teased Gaara once the formalities were out of the way. Her and Yukata had joined you and Gaara at dinner one date night.

“Forgive me, but for what?” He questioned, puzzled.

“For your relationship! Can you say it would have happened if it hadn’t been for that pic she meant to send to us?”

He chuckled upon hearing her explanation. “I suppose I do owe you my thanks for that.”

“Sari,” you said in warning as you sipped your water.

“What? It’s true, and every time you light up because you get a chance to talk about him, we get more bragging rights! If you two eventually have kids, you better tell them they owe their existence to us!”

You’d swear your face was glowing because of all the heat that rushed to it. “Okay, let’s leave that alone,” Yukata intervened.

You chanced a look over at Gaara, and he seemed… oddly calm. Your relationship was barely past six months, and there was no foreseeable end, but it was still way too soon to even be mentioning children, especially considering that he already had one. You couldn’t imagine having that discussion with Shinki yet.

“Oh, and if you get married, I’m demanding a chance to at least give a speech-” “You are not allowed to tell anyone that story!” You interrupted her.

“Well, then what will you tell people that ask how you got together when you can be more open?”

“We haven’t figured that out yet,” you groaned. “Everyone that we’d consider telling and or can tell already knows the whole story, except Shinki.” “Why don’t you just say it was a message that wasn’t a big deal, but because he’s your supervisor, it had to be cleared up?” Yukata suggested simply. “Then when you went to discuss it, things just fell into place? I mean, that’s exactly what happened. That picture wasn’t really a big deal to us, but it was inappropriate for him to get at the time.”

“That’s… that’s a pretty good way to put it,” you admitted.

“Yeah,” Sari agreed. “Not bad. Now, the real question is how long are you planning on riding this out?” -along with other big events, literally every time you made love… Your top memory was of his birthday, which was also your one year anniversary. He’d been insistent upon focusing on the latter reason to celebrate, but you told him you were not going to be denied more of a reason to dote on him. Not that you needed a reason. You did it pretty much every day, but this was going to be special. As much as you hoped to have many, you didn’t know how many more birthdays of his you’d get to share, so you did your best to make the second one better than the first.

“I was more than happy with last year,” he said when you told him you were determined to really celebrate with him this time around.

“Well, I’m raising the bar,” you insisted as the two of you relaxed on the couch one evening, just before the new year. “Just a nice dinner with Shinki, Kankuro, and hopefully Temari, if she can make it this year. Then we can come back here, and I’ll wait on you all night.”

“We’re supposed to be celebrating both of us. I don’t want it to be all about me.”

“We can celebrate both of us the day after. You can get the day off, I’ll call in sick, then we can have the whole day. I just want to devote one night to you. We can do whatever you want.”

“I guess that does sound nice. As long as you aren’t injured this time around.”

You gently hit him with one of the decorative pillows, then smirked. “Yeah. You can actually tell me you want me to take my clothes off, or better yet, do it yourself. You don’t have to rely on a freak accident.”

He threw the pillow back. Had Shinki not finished up in the bath right then, you might have started something.

The night of his birthday would always elicit a wistful sigh and smile as you reminisced.

The two of you went a little out of your way after finishing work that day so that it wasn’t so obvious you were leaving together. That whole day, you’d been reliving the day that it all started, but in a much better mood than you had been when it happened.

“Hey, what’s with that goofy smile?” Ittetsu questioned, pulling you out of your reverie an hour into the work day. “Are you holding out on us again?” “I’m not holding out on anything,” you told him, barely stopping your gaze from shifting to Matsuri. She’d been such a great ally in the office, and the two of you had become very close friends since you included her in the informative meeting with Sari and Yukata. She covered for you when the gossip mill started over a completely innocent interaction between you and Gaara by the coffee maker. Nothing that wouldn’t have happened before you got together started the accurate, but unfounded- as far as Matsuri had convinced them- rumor.

“I don’t believe you!”

“Believe me or not, you’re not going to hear otherwise, so deal with it.”

That evening, as he drove the two of you to the restaurant, you recounted the discussion to Gaara.

“He gabs worse than any girl or woman I’ve ever met,” you laughed. “But he gets so offended if you call him on it.”

“That may be, but he’s a hard worker.”

“I know he is, and he’s a great hype man. He’s also into Matsuri, and I want to set them up.”

“So you’re a matchmaker now?” He questioned, amusement coloring his tone.

“I’m a woman who wants to see my friends be happy, and I happen to think they’d be super cute together. They’d be fun to double with. Them and maybe Sari… with your brother.”

“Sari and Kankuro?” He clarified in disbelief.

“I just think that if we put them together, they’d click. They’re fun people who love to annoy us to frustration, and then back off just before we turn homicidal.”

He was silent, and you grew more worried the longer it dragged on. Did you say something wrong? Did he think what you said was stupid? It wasn’t until he had parked the car that he replied.

“If those two were to get together, they wouldn’t just drive us all to frustration, they’d drive us all up a tree, or off a cliff.”

You started laughing before he finished speaking. “You’ve got a good point.”

“I’d be happy to see them happy, but I want no part in creating our inevitable torment.”

You just continued to laugh until you could get under control enough to walk in with him. Hand in hand, the two of you entered the restaurant. You told the host the name of your party, and the two of you were directed to a private dining room.

“Why do we need a whole room? It’s just the four of us,” Gaara pointed out, confused, believing it was just his son and brother.

“There was a change of plans,” you said, smiling, puzzling him further.

When the two of you were directed into your room, he was surprised to find his sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and best friend as well as the two he was expecting.

“Happy birthday!”

“What?” He looked at you for an explanation, only to receive a knowing smile in return.

“Looks like Temari was able to make it after all.”

“How long have you known about this?”

“A little while. Now let’s get over there and greet your friend and family.”

You were happy to see Temari again. The two of you had bonded a bit before she left after Gaara’s birthday the year before, and had exchanged numbers so you could keep her up to date on anything big happening. As well organized as he could be, Gaara didn’t remember to check in with her very often, and Kankuro didn’t even seem to try most of the time. It helped the few times you had wanted to surprise Gaara with something small, but hadn’t learned all his preferences.

“So that’s her, huh?” Naruto rhetorically asked Gaara when you were distracted with meeting Shikamaru and Shikadai.

“Yes,” your boyfriend replied, smiling warmly at you.

“Uh-oh,” Naruto chuckled. “I’ve seen that look a few times. I know what it means.”

Gaara looked back at him, curious. “What?”

“You’re sunk, man. In super deep. Just give me plenty of notice when you decide on a wedding date.”

Those cool eyes drifted back to you. “I will.”

The other man almost dropped the drink in his hand. “What? Really? I know you don’t mess around, but this is your first serious relationship. Are you sure?”

“Why would I need to go through a dozen wrong relationships when I know I’ve found the right one?”

His friend chuckled again. “Got me there. Well, it’s great to see you with someone who makes you happy. You were doing fine on your own, better than I have, but it’s different now. When she called me, I wasn’t sure what to think. She seemed nice over the phone, but I-”

“She called you?”

“Yeah. Just before Christmas. She’d already cleared it with Temari and Shikamaru, so I could ride with them. She honestly did everything but pay for the hotel, and she even offered to help with that, if it would get me here… She’s a good one, Gaara. I thought she was nice just from the call, then Temari told me about her, and I thought she’s even cooler. While we were waiting for you, I talked to Shinki, and he really likes her. How long has he been calling her mom?”

The poor redheaded man could have given himself whiplash with how fast he moved his head, eyes wide. “What?”

Naruto raised a brow. “Yeah. When she came up, he called her Mother, but then he got nervous. Has he not been calling her that?”

“This would be the first time I’ve heard about it.”

“Maybe it was just a slip? Even if that’s true, I don’t think he’d be against it if you did take the next step. You could have her move in before getting hitched, just to be sure.”

Gaara was stunned. It wasn’t that he hadn’t considered moving forward in your relationship, and he didn’t feel that Shinki would be against it either, but he was afraid of putting any undue pressure on his son.

“So this is the famous Naruto?” You said as you appeared at Gaara’s side. “You look exactly as I pictured you. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Naruto smirked. “No, I think I just shocked Gaara into silence anyway.”

“What’s your secret? I don’t think I’ve been able to do that since a year ago when we got together, and that was just a crazy evening.”

“Can’t tell ya, sorry!” He chuckled.

“All right, all right. I like hearing him talk anyway,” you laughed, turning your head in Gaara’s direction. “Shall we sit down so they can start serving?”

The way his eyes burned into you as he nodded had you both concerned and… very excited.

Dinner was enjoyable and intimate, and you were happy to get to know more of Gaara’s precious people. That evening, the two of you returned to his home- Shinki was having a sleepover at the hotel with his cousin, aunt, and uncle, giving the two of you more privacy than you’d had in months- and you were ready to spoil him.

Until he had you pinned, back to the door the second you were inside, anyway.

“Gaara?” You questioned. The following kiss was almost disappointingly tame in comparison to the intensity he was radiating. It was sweet and tender, but very much at odds with how tense you could feel his body was.

“I love you,” he muttered when he ended it, sending a shiver down your spine.

“I love you too,” you responded, running a hand through his neat hair, disheveling it a little, just how you liked it. Temari had shown you pictures of when he was younger and wore it messier, and you were glad he changed it up. If he kept that style, you and every other even remotely male attracted person in the building you worked in would have been in so much trouble. It was a little too close to what he looked like after you’d gotten as much of him as you could physically handle for the night.

Nothing else was said as he kissed you again, slipping a hand under your shirt and lifting it up to just above your stomach. He broke the kiss and knelt in front of you, analyzing your stomach, causing a rush of familiarity.

“You look like you’re going to kiss it better,” you joked.

As he had when there was a fresh injury there, he pressed his lips to your abdomen, moving higher and higher, unbuttoning your blouse as he went, until he was staring at a very familiar piece of lingerie. The corners of his mouth curled up, and his eyes flitted up to yours, receiving a deceptively innocent expression in return. He stood to help remove your jacket and shirt, tossing them on the nearest furniture, which happened to be a kitchen chair.

“Do you remember what the terms we defined were?” He asked you, his hands going to your hips.

“That I use your name,” you sighed, “and that we both be honest, clear, and ourselves. I’d say we’ve kept that contract pretty well.”

“Except for when you decide to be a brat,” he pointed out.

“Yes, well, that’s just having fun.”

He shook his head with a small smile. “I think we might need to revisit and add to those terms.”

If he hadn’t already been showering you with affection, that would have made you uneasy. “Okay…”

“I think that we should still have date nights as usual, even though we’ll be spending a lot more time together, and we’ll have to work a little harder to not be seen together too much since we’ll be arriving and leaving work together everyday-”

“Wait, what are you talking about? It’s impractical for you to come pick me up and drop me off every day. I’m practically on the other side of town.”

“That wouldn’t be an issue if you were living here.”

Eyes wide, you processed his proposition. “Are you really asking me to move in?”

“I am. I understand if-”

“I want to talk to Shinki about it first.”

It warmed his heart beyond measure to hear your concern for his son. “I already did. His exact words were ‘I was wondering why it was taking so long.’”

You laughed, hearing him say it in your head. “How long have you been waiting to ask me?”

“About an hour. I’ve been thinking about it for a couple months, but I was also worried about how he’d feel, so I held off on asking him, until tonight.”

“What changed?”

He softly sighed. “He might not be too happy I told you this, but… he was talking to Naruto earlier tonight, before we got there, and he called you Mother.”

“He what?” You gasped, getting hit by a meteor of mixed feelings, most of which were positive. “I-It’s only been a year…”

Despite knowing you pretty well, Gaara took your surprise as apprehension and reluctance. “It was likely only a slip, so you shouldn’t feel like you have to because he’s-”

He stopped when you rubbed at your eyes, revealing tears, then really started to panic.

“Please, don’t cry. I’ll explain to him-”

“Gaara, please stop talking,” you said softly, then smiled. “I’m just really touched. Even if it wasn’t intentional, to hear that he thinks of me that way at all… I knew the first night that if he wasn’t okay with me, I wouldn’t be able to continue this relationship. He needs you more than I ever could. I would never come between a child and their parent, especially one that’s as loving and attentive as you are. Every time I’ve been around him, I’ve done my best to be his friend and not impose. Yes, I feel we’ve gotten pretty close, and I’d do anything for him, but you know how he is. No matter how much he comes to like me, it’s clear that he doesn’t need or want a mother at this point. He might never openly call me that, but this is a sign that he’s at least testing out the idea in his head, which means he’s figuring out if it’s what he wants, not what he thinks you want.”

You paused to sniffle and wipe your eyes again. “I’ll keep doing my best to be what he needs me to be, and I’m so grateful that he sees me as someone he can trust, not just as your girlfriend. A year seems like a long time for me to worry about whether or not he’d be okay, but some children never develop a comfortable relationship with who their parents date, even if that person becomes their step parent. It’s just… I never expected that this would happen, and I was fine with that. At first, I wanted him to like me because it would be easier on you, and our relationship would last longer. It wasn’t very long before I wanted him to like me because it would make it easier on him, especially once I saw how much he looks up to you. He wants to make you proud so badly, and he’s willing to put himself out for something that makes you happy. He’s a really great kid, and I love both of you so much.”

If Gaara wasn’t absolutely sure about your relationship going the distance when he confidently told Naruto that he didn’t need more experience to know that you were the one, he definitely was when you finished your speech.

“So is that a yes?”

“My lease isn’t up until April.”

“I’ll pay your rent for the last two months, and you can move in next weekend.”

“Yes, sir. Whatever you say,” you purred. “What would you like to do now? It’s your birthday, after all.”

No more than a few steps were taken at a time before an article of clothing hit the floor as you exchanged touches, kisses, and moans. You didn’t even make it to the bedroom before you were on your knees in front of him, pulling his underwear down. You smirked as you took in the sight of his erection before teasingly stroking it and fondling his balls, getting high off the way he said your name as he leaned back against the wall of the hallway for support. You didn’t make him wait long before brushing your lips down his length, then taking him in your mouth.

The first time you’d deepthroated him was in his office, when he was staying late and you were on your way out. You were one of the last, so hardly anyone was there to catch you, none of them being in your area. He was so stressed, handling the quarterly reports, and you managed to convince him to let you help him relax for a bit. When you knelt down in front of him and started undoing his belt, he was hesitant. With a little coaxing, you got him to allow you to continue.

Convincing him to let you take care of him was much easier after that, even when your playful offer was made at a riskier time than you’d usually dare. Like over lunch instead of after hours. To say the least, you discovered that both of you enjoyed walking on that edge more than anyone would have guessed.

His hand cradled the back of your head as you bobbed up and down, urging you to move faster. You complied, following through with complete obedience.

“Do-don’t-” he groaned, and you took that as your warning. You sped up and sucked a little harder, moaning when he grabbed at your hair. When he couldn’t grip any tighter, you pulled back, just in time for him to release. The tip of your tongue flicked across your bottom lip from one corner of your mouth to the other, giving you a taste of the cum that landed on your face. He was panting heavily as he wound down, and while he caught his breath, you went to the bathroom to rinse it off.

Your name rolled off his tongue when you returned to him. With a smile, you pulled his briefs back up so you had something to remove when you made it to the bed, drinking in the sight of him, dimly lit by the low watt lights overhead. You still had on the bra and briefs that you could thank for everything.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get totally used to this,” you whispered as you rested a hand on his chest. “It’ll always be a thrill, and no two days will ever be quite the same.” He nodded, then embraced you tightly, not saying a word. He didn’t need to. You’d come to understand him pretty well in that first year, proving that the man you fell in love with before barely scratched the surface of the one you could no longer see yourself without.

That man was well spoken, and he never seemed to be unsure of what to say. This man often found himself at a loss of words when emotion took hold of him, and when he did speak, he had come to trust his ability to convey what he couldn’t verbally through action- the simplest contact through reaching out to you, and when needed, pulling you closer.

That man was respectful of everyone and noticed the strengths of all those under his purview. This man was devoted to his loved ones beyond what any but a few could see, and valued every contribution anyone made, down to the ones most would deem insignificant.

That man was kind and polite, someone that would be welcome pretty much anywhere. This man was passionate, gentle, fiercely protective, secure, and composed ninety-nine percent of the time. When he let loose in that one percent, gentleness and composure were thrown to the wind.

To lose the first would leave you heartbroken, as you’d tried to prepare yourself to be when you thought things would play out differently. To lose the second would leave you without a heart to break.

“Shall we?” You asked, keeping your voice soft to avoid disturbing the utter tranquility that had encompassed the two of you.

He simply took your hand and led you to his bedroom, closing the door behind you. He directed you to the bed and gently laid you down, the frantic pace at which you’d torn off each others’ clothes was long gone, replaced with a slow and sweet speed. He hovered over you as you held a hand to his cheek, a knee on your right, with the other in between your legs, rubbing against your sex.

“What do you want me to do next?” He whispered.

“It’s your day. I want you to do whatever you want.”

After a thoughtful pause, he donned the shadow of a mischievous smile that sent a pulse straight to your heat. You knew what that smile meant.

“Whatever I want?” You made a little noise of excitement as you nodded. He ran a hand down your side to the waistband of your lacy briefs, fingering the elastic, then leaned down to breathe a husky whisper into your ear that sent a violent shiver through you.

“I want to love you until you forget that anything exists outside this room.”

A whimper escaped you and there was no question of your consent. He tugged your briefs down to your knees, revealing the slick building between your legs. With a smirk, he slipped a finger in between your folds, skillfully stroking your clit. It had taken a while, but with practice and guidance, he eventually reached a state of self assurance about his ability to bring you to your climax without help, and he went from that to reasonably confident in relatively no time at all.

You squirmed a bit, biting back a moan and raising your hips. You went from biting back the moan to biting your lip as he changed direction, applying pressure to your lower pelvis with his palm, driving you to try to grind into it.

“A-ah!” You cried when you couldn’t hold it back any longer, the noise riding on a breath that weakly and suddenly cut off. The breaking point was when he paused to brush his nose up your throat, nipping at the base first, then running his lips over your jaw. When you had settled into the affection, your entire body relaxing, he suddenly flicked the bundle of nerves and pressed his hand down again. It only took a few more good strokes before you sharply gasped, then cried out in ecstasy as you came.

“You’ve… been… studying,” you said, panting heavily. The second you felt you could breathe well enough, you pulled him in for a loving kiss, thriving in the feeling of his bare stomach against yours, but craving more. With a little maneuvering, you managed to worm your way out of your bra, breaking the kiss for a few seconds before pulling him back in.

“You did the work for me,” he mumbled, and before you could ask him what he meant, he had moved. Before you could so much as wonder where he was going, you felt his hot mouth on your left breast, tongue running over the peak, his left hand tweaking your right nipple, and his right hand working your still sensitive pleasure zone. You’d barely wound down from the first orgasm and he was already bringing you to your second.

“Gaara!” You begged. “Please, I need you.”

“Are you sure you’re ready?” He asked with a taunting lilt to his voice that you knew only you ever heard. “Yes!” “I think I should make sure.”

Then two fingers were inside you, pumping, pulling that second release from you as they slowly slid back and forth, getting coated in your arousal.

“Te-tease,” you muttered, voice cracking.

“No one would believe that.”

Unlike the first time you had called him that, and he responded in kind, he was not about to lose the hold he had on you. His hand sped up, and while it felt good, you needed more. Adding a third finger helped, and with a curl of his fingers, he carried you through another climax. Your mind went completely blank, your eyes closed, and anything that wasn’t a function your body did independently wasn’t happening.

“I love you,” was the first coherent thing you could say.

He didn’t reply. Not verbally, anyway. At some point while you were trying to return to your senses, he had removed the last of his clothing as well as your briefs, and started rubbing his hardened member against your well lubricated entrance.

“Give it to me already,” you intended to command, but it was no more than a desperate plea.

“So demanding,” he chuckled, but finally did as you requested.

Satisfaction ran through you, reaching every cell of your body as he filled you. Your hands ran over every inch of him they could reach twice before they stilled and you embraced him. He started slow, too slow, so you encouraged him with a buck of your hips.

“I love you too, and I don’t intend to ever let you go,” he spoke into your ear, succeeded by a grunt as he hastened his pace.

“Good. While I appreciate every day I get with you, a year is not nearly enough, and I’m not sure another fifty or sixty will be either, but I really want to see if the rest of our lives will come close.”

His hands caressed you as he captured your lips in response, not trusting words to fully convey how much he agreed with you. Your hands delicately felt every familiar, memorized, beautiful inch of him within reach once more as you rolled your hips. It was tantric, emotional, and erotic in a way that you were secure in knowing would happen again and again, as many times as the two of you could possibly do it.

Once you finished for a third time and him for a second, you held each other, basking in the comfortable silence and lingering peace of the night, enjoying the vulnerability you could show only to each other.

“Did I succeed?”

How long it took you to realize what he meant should have been answer enough, but you lightly laughed as you gave him one anyway.

“Not only did you succeed at that, I forgot that it was your birthday we’re celebrating. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had forgotten too.”

He hid his smug smile with a kiss to your head.

One year… You would say that it went by too fast, but you were just so glad that you had those memories at all-

“Hey! You can’t space out through your own party!” Ittetsu barked at you from across the table.

“I’m the birthday girl, and the one saying goodbye, so I should be able to do whatever I want, shouldn’t I?” You quipped.

“I still can’t believe you’ve been with the team the least amount of time, and you’re bailing before any of us,” another coworker said.

You just shrugged. “What do you want me to say?”

“I think the boss is going to miss you,” Ittetsu speculated. “He never picked favorites, but I kind of got the vibe that he liked you more.”

You glanced at Matsuri, but she offered no help. There was no reason to hide your relationship anymore. You just weren’t sure about making the reveal because Gaara wasn’t there yet. Your team had gone straight to the restaurant you selected for your goodbye slash birthday party following the end of the work day, but he said he had to stay behind for a little bit, and would catch up.

“No, I think you-”

“Is that an accusation?” Your boyfriend’s voice said from behind you, and you whipped around to smile at him.

“No way, boss! I would never accuse you of picking favorites!”

Gaara gave him a half smile, then glanced at you, setting a hand on the back of your chair. “I appreciate that, though you’d be right. I’ll miss seeing her at work, but I’ll still see her.”

The table fell silent.

“You two are dating, aren’t you?” Someone chimed from the far end.

Your smile widened as you looked up at Gaara. “As of last night, that’s not the word we’d use.”

You almost dropped the plates in your hands when you turned to set the table and found Gaara on one knee, holding a small velvet box that housed a glittering gem on a shiny metal band. You were afraid you were going to with how much your hands started to shake. Movement in the doorway to the kitchen drew your attention, and you found Shinki watching you. If you hadn’t gotten so familiar with him, you would have been worried about how apathetic he appeared, but you could see through that to the small, hopeful smile he was holding in.

“You told me you wanted to see if the rest of our lives together would be enough. I want to find out too, and I feel that now we can openly make that commitment. Will you marry me?”

You retrieved your engagement ring from the smallest pocket you had in your purse, slipped it on, held up your left hand, and everyone lost their minds. Laughter was all you could muster for a response, until they started pestering you for information and making sure that they’d all get invites.

“Do you really have to ask?” You wiped the tears of joy from your eyes after setting the plates down. Before your eyes were dry, the ring was on your finger and you were in his arms.

Life moved much too quickly at times, like when you were approaching something you dreaded- like owning up to an accidental incident, or each birthday that you always moaned and groaned about theatrically- or when you were having an experience that you wished would last forever- like those precious moments with your loved ones that were simple, but so perfect. It couldn’t bother you, because you knew that regardless of how fast time passed, you’d take the pleasure with the pain and let them carry you to the next great experience. You kept your focus on those special people- two in particular- that you were so fortunate to have in your life, and the love you shared that would only strengthen with time.